People Risk Upsetting Others In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Confronting My Niece About Her Financial Situation While Caring For Her Kids?
“My (24F) niece (35F) has 4 children (12F, 10M, 10M, 7F).
I found out a couple of months ago they were living in an attic with no electricity, heat, or running water through the winter (it gets pretty cold where we are). I basically told her I would be calling DCS on her if she could not find proper living arrangements for the children at the very least. She told me they were living that way because of her abusive husband and if I were to take her kids for a couple weeks she would leave him and get an apartment for her and the kids.
My fiancé (24M) and I agreed to that in exchange for not calling DCS on her.
So we now have 3 of the 4 kids and the other one is at his grandparents’ house. It has now been nearly 4 months since us having the kids and she DID leave her husband and is staying with her mom (my sister).
We have absolutely no issue with the kids staying with us, we love them dearly.
Now I talked to her earlier this week and asked about how the apartment search was going. She told me that she can’t afford a deposit on any apartments big enough to house all of them and doesn’t have the credit to get a house.
Then I got absolutely livid. She has lived for free at her mom’s house for nearly 4 months. Paid no rent, doesn’t buy her own food, and pays nothing for the care of her children. My fiancé and I have covered ALL costs for the children and she has not offered to give us money for any of the things they have needed. (such as food, clothes, beds, dressers, and school fees) And we are getting married in August so we are still trying to pay for a wedding while taking on 3 children who had nothing when they came to us.
When I confronted her about her lack of money she got very upset and told me I was the jerk. Now that whole side of my family is upset with me. So AITJ for thinking she should have way more money than she does while having no bills?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – if her husband is abusive you have no idea what her financial situation is. Plus there’s the extra cost of divorce, what he’s legally entitled to, and starting over from scratch. If she has bad credit they can easily want 2-3 months of rent upfront.
Plus the limited availability of apartments, AND finding out that’s affordable. Places have laws regarding occupancy. A FT job may not be enough to cover 3 bedroom rent on one income. Child support isn’t guaranteed and it can be months before that even hits if it does.
Plus she would have to replace everything in the place they’re living in. What do you think 4 months is really going to save up? No, she doesn’t get to just abandon her kids without any financial compensation. But you don’t seem to understand what it’s like to leave an abusive situation and start over fresh.” Ok_Job_9417
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand families like this. OP and fiance have been taking care of someone else’s children for four (4) months and their mother, who doesn’t pay rent or any bills, doesn’t even think to give any money to help cover some of the costs (clothing, food, etc.) for her own children and yet family members chew out OP.
What the heck? If they’re so upset, perhaps drop her kids off at their homes and tell them they’re it for the next four (4) months and see how that goes, otherwise, tell them to go away. Who cares what they have to say? You’ve gone above and beyond for these children.
It’s too bad their mother’s done nothing.” Slow-Cherry9128
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Have you asked your niece where the money she has earned has gone? Maybe she is paying off debts. Maybe she’s replacing necessities like socks, forks, and juice glasses. Maybe she’s paying for medical insurance.
Maybe she’s paying for therapy, to address the issues that lead to being with an abuser. Maybe she’s paying all the other bills that go into life, like car insurance, medical insurance, credit card bills, fuel, cell phone, and, I don’t know, maybe buying herself a milkshake once in a while.
4 months is not a long time when you’re talking about getting back on your feet after an abusive relationship. Also, how far away does your sister live? And what hours does your niece work? Is it possible that it’s difficult for her to be there more often?
There’s not enough information to figure out whether there are any jerks here, but I gotta say, you sound pretty judgmental, and you don’t sound very empathetic. If I had to guess on this one, I might, indeed, say you were the jerk.” MarkedHeart
21. AITJ For Losing My Patience With A Co-Worker Who Can't Do Her Job Properly?
“I’m 18f, I work with my mother, and an autistic woman, Jo, who’s 19f. I’ve tried to be as patient as I can with this woman but not only is she useless and slows us down, but she’s a walking liability.
She can’t remember anything, she’s constantly burning stuff, leaving taps running to the point that sinks overflow, etc etc. She can’t even put butter on a sandwich in under a minute.
My mum got the short end of the stick since she works breakfast (6 am to 3 pm) and the other woman works 9 am to 5 pm, and they’re both off the same days because no one else wants to be stuck with her as they don’t have the patience.
My mum doesn’t either but she gets snappy with me when Jo messes up to avoid making her cry. No one else starts until 1 pm. I start at 8 am.
I’ve kind of had enough of it. My mum started getting snappy with me again today, so I snapped back, “it’s not my fault Jo is completely useless and it’s certainly not my fault you got stuck babysitting her for free 5 days a week”.
Well, Jo cried and now she’s making a mess of things 10x worse. Most other people are mad at me, a few think I was right but most think I’m being an ableist jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to get a lot of crap for this but NTJ.
I have a physically and intellectually disabled brother and as much as I want him to be able to function in every aspect of life, there are things he cannot do because of his disabilities. It sounds like this girl is the same way but people are setting her up to fail ( which doesn’t help the girl or her coworkers).
The girl is obviously not able to safely do her job. She’s casing an unsafe work environment and her coworkers need to work harder to make up the slack. She’s also setting things on fire, taking her shoes off in a restaurant kitchen, and causing floods.
She’s also cross-contaminating raw meats with cooked food. I sure as wouldn’t eat there. Now, OP definitely could have handled it better but I’m guessing she got to the where she couldn’t take it anymore. Her comments were mean and cruel. That being said, the real jerk is management for hiring someone who is not able to do the job and forcing coworkers to pick up the slack and fix mistakes.” Fun_Sun1095
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made an autistic girl cry over something that isn’t her fault and she has absolutely no control over it. She has no choice – you did. You didn’t have to say it like that or speak like that in front of her.
It was unprofessional and totally unkind and so yes – you are definitely the jerk here. If you couldn’t take it anymore, you could have quit or you could have spoken to your mother when you were alone. You could have told your mother at any point that you can’t deal with her snapping at you anymore because she’s frustrated with Jo, that it’s not your fault and you can’t carry the situation anymore – but you didn’t do any of those things.
Your mom is not behaving correctly towards you, but again – that’s not Jo’s fault. That’s something you should have talked directly with her about. You had choices here – you chose the most jerk-ish way to deal with this and you probably damaged this girl’s confidence which is going to make things so much harder for her.” glitchandgo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m autistic. My fiancée is autistic. We worked together at the same ice cream store for 3 years. We were two of the best workers there but we constantly had to pick up the slack of bad workers who were also neurotypical. Our management kept them because we needed the staff but would have fired them in a heartbeat if we got better workers.
Health was a constant issue because they rarely cleaned and rarely put in any effort. My fiancée and I constantly had to come in early and stay late because our main duties (me as ice cream maker, her as waffle cone maker) were regularly sidelined when we had to go up front and take customers even though we had workers to do that for us.
Instead, they would go to the back and watch movies on their phones. What was scheduled to be 7-hour shifts became 9 or 10 (if we were lucky), and because we were so reliable we were scheduled 5 days of the week while other workers got 3 or 4 at most. So instead of enjoying our evenings, we were frequently exhausted, irritated, and not able to enjoy our free time.
But I digress.
It does not matter one bit if one is autistic or not. If they are a bad enough fit, they need to go. End of story. Could you have reigned in your irritation? Maybe. I’m not you. My fiancée and I quit the same week because one bad worker accused us of being lazy and it broke our hearts because we worked so hard.
This Jo may be on the spectrum but that does not change the fact that she is a bad fit for this job. And for your own mother to take issue with you instead of being the one causing the tension… as a man who grew up with a brother further on the spectrum and having to live through this exact situation, you are NOT the jerk.
You’re just the poor schmuck at the end of your rope.” Debochira
20. AITJ For Considering Reporting A Suspected Illegal Kitten Mill?
“I was looking for a new kitten last month on Kijiji (like Craigslist), and I came across a really cute one that I wanted. I went to the lady’s house to buy him, and when I got there there were 6 cats and 2 kittens.
The place smelled of litter and I just had a bad feeling about it, so I backed out and left. As I was leaving, my partner said he thinks there were more kittens in the back.
A couple of days later, I checked her profile on Kijiji, and the name was changed and there were more kittens for sale.
Since then the name has changed yet again and there were even more kittens. They also mentioned a Bengal in the ads, and I didn’t see any Bengals at all while I was there, so my guess is that is yet another cat in the house.
The reason I’m conflicted is because the cats didn’t necessarily seem neglected or not cared for, and the idea of reporting people to the city over pets seems like a very busybody thing to do. I know I was naive about trying to find a new kitten online, and one could say I should know that they’re trying to profit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the city investigates and can’t find hard evidence she’s doing anything that demands they step in and place the cats somewhere safer, they’re not going to waste their limited time and resources (to say nothing of the limited shelter/foster resources available) trying to come up with an excuse to do that.
If they do think it warrants intervention, then yay, you’ve helped the cats.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would report this to your local animal services or police. This sounds likely to be an illegal kitty mill. The fact that they are changing names is hugely suspect.
Not only would you not be a jerk you would potentially be saving cats from neglect. And check your local shelters for a cat. Some of them even have kitten adoption events a few times a year. It’s cheaper, more ethical, and you know you’re getting a cat that’s been properly taken care of and checked by a vet.” Seemoreifsandsorbuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but usually those numbers allowed are only for adult animals. However, you should check. Cats are often overbred with cities euthanizing hundreds a month so people who breed absolutely need to be controlled and cats need to be spayed or neutered. The shelter I used to work at even got Bengal types from time to time because people would get them but they were too crazy.
I’m glad you didn’t buy from her.” exotics
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate's Partner Stay In My Room?
“I (26M) live with my roommate Chris (28M). Chris and I went to the same college and were roommates. We got along well and discussed moving into an apartment together. We found an apartment that was responsibly priced. I pay slightly more in rent for my cat.
I have been seeing my partner (27M) since last year and he spends the night on weekends. Chris’s partner spends most of her time at the apartment.
I’ve been noticing that Chris has been more of a slob. He will leave dirty dishes in the sink, his room has started to smell horribly and nobody wants to come into the apartment.
His partner and I have brought up concerns with the smell, but he doesn’t see it as a big deal.
I had to go away for a weekend to see my family. My partner took care of my cat while I was gone. While I was away, I received many texts from Chris asking if his partner could stay in my room.
I told him no and that my partner would be staying until I returned. His partner then texted me angry that she had to stay in his filthy room.
Chris and his partner are giving me and my partner the cold shoulder. She wanted to sleep on the ottoman that is big enough for a person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If both your and his partner’s attempts at broaching his filth are falling on deaf ears and everything else about your apartment is on the up and up with the lease (your cat is allowed, you are both on the lease, you don’t have a grill you aren’t allowed to have, etc) you may want to reach out to your landlord for help with managing the situation.
Let them know you really like living there and really like the property but your roommate doesn’t seem to be taking care of his room. You’ve tried talking to him but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and you want to avoid any damage to the space.
( if it smells so bad people don’t want to come over there is already damage. The security deposit is as good as gone and there are probably additional cleaning fees and damages you guys will be responsible for. And if he is bringing in bugs, depending on your lease you could be responsible for the cost of fumigating the building).
Your landlord can enter, with notice, for maintenance, and, assuming the rest of the place is clean, apply some pressure on your roommate. If this is a change in your roommate’s hygiene, this could be indicative of a mental issue. I don’t know what his health insurance situation is, but you should also encourage him to talk with someone.” Letters_from_summer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So let me get this straight… Chris’ room is so filthy dirty and nasty that his partner wants to stay in your room while you’re gone. Neither of them sees this situation as a fundamental problem, but they have instead decided that it is you who is the jerk in this scenario.
Did I get that right? Let me ask you this, do you honestly believe that if you did let her stay in your room—which I do not think you should do—that Chris wouldn’t also be staying in there with her? And if he isn’t looking to sleep in there with her, then why is she staying over at all if it doesn’t make a difference to him if they sleep together or not?
Like, why are these two even together in the first place? His partner thinks Chris is a filthy slob who stinks. Chris doesn’t care that he’s a stinky slob, and it’s gotten so bad that his partner would rather sleep in his roommate’s bed without him.
What is going on here? I agree that Chris is showing classic signs of depression. Talk to his partner about it, and maybe the two of you can talk to Chris to encourage him to talk to his doctor or a therapist. You should also get a lock for your bedroom door, STAT.
I’d also be wary of sitting on shared common furniture because if they are still intimate but aren’t having it in Chris’ room, they have to be having it somewhere. I’d probably start looking for a new place, too. You are definitely NTJ.” thatgoaliesmom
Another User Comments:
“Lol, NTJ I love that her solution to the problem “I’m in a relationship with a smelly slob who won’t clean his room” is to “sleep in his roommate’s room”. Not, you know, make her own partner do the bare minimum that he should already be doing.
Or, you know, just break up with the schmuck. Whatever. Their gross problem, not yours. Might be time to start looking at other accommodation options.” PotatoMonster20
18. AITJ For Making My Stepmom Feel Bad By Calling My Mom To Cook When I Was Sick?
“My step-mom is a wonderful woman, she respects me as a person and respects my boundaries. Also, she has a good relationship with my mom.
So I (16F) was raised by a mom who cooked every meal, ordering in or dining out was for special occasions only.
Add to that that I struggle with some stomach issues (just normal ones) and I rarely feel like eating restaurant food, let alone fast food.
My dad is married to a wonderful woman, it’s just that they both don’t know how to cook (the burnt scrambled eggs kind of don’t know how to cook).
When I am at their house (the weekends) I cook all the meals (because I want to) and leave them some frozen meals for the rest of the week.
This Saturday I was very sick, my dad was working so my step-mom took care of me.
I couldn’t keep down anything she got for me (canned soup, ordered a salad but the dressing was too much for my sick stomach). So in the end I convinced her to call my mom, who made us all dinners and food for the next day and brought it.
I could see that she felt bad about not being able to make me anything that I could stomach, and she wasn’t her usual cheerful self while we were eating.
I am feeling guilty, and I think I should have just had her order a salad with no dressing or a tomato soup with grilled cheese instead of calling Mom.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can tell you love both moms dearly and don’t mean any harm. It’s not your fault that you had to call your mom when you were sick, especially since your stepmom doesn’t really do well with cooking.
What I could suggest is that maybe next time when you visit, you can ask your stepmom if she’d like to help you try a new recipe for lunch/dinner as a bonding experience and also a cooking lesson. Don’t feel bad that you had to call your mom.
NTJ.” burnedfloorsand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… mom knows best. Maybe if those two get along you 3 can have cooking lessons together! Or just you and her. And just apologize to her saying ‘I hope I didn’t make you feel bad when I had mom bring me food when I was sick… but I wanted to say, I’d love for you to cook with me anytime you feel like it!
I’d love to show you my favorite dishes I make for us.” Then later make the offer with your mom after you talk to her.” Fluffy-Doubt-3547
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t make her feel bad. She justifiably feels bad because she hasn’t managed even the basic level of a fundamental adult skill.
Your father should be feeling the same way. Basic cooking is something everyone needs to be able to manage. It is not too hard to learn to cook. School districts often have public education programs with different classes, including cooking. And something like Hello Fresh gives simple instructions and prepped ingredients that make it easy to teach yourself.
It is a problem that two adults are completely dependent on a 16-year-old minor who is there only on the weekends preparing all of their meals for them. What will they do in two years when you are away at college? Cooking meals for while you are there is one thing, depending on you to cook meals for the week when you aren’t there is really taking advantage of you.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
17. AITJ For Laughing When My Aunt Told Us Her Son Has Diabetes?
“My family isn’t the healthiest (mentally and physically) especially with the women in the family (including myself) but some of us are fixing ourselves like my mom and me. My aunt is more on the obese spectrum (not sure if this helps anything though).
She and her husband(?) have a horrible way of raising their children (two sons 15 and 6 or 7) I’m 16. Although I don’t live with them 24/7… when I did it was absolutely draining. Cursing back in forth, wrestling, and eating literally everything. Although her oldest literally only eats fries and pancakes, the youngest would eat everything in sight and throw up right after.
And my aunt just watches.
Her youngest son also couldn’t speak until 5 because my aunt thought his baby voice was cute. He had to see mandatory special care. It was sad.
My mom and I cut contact with her on Mother’s Day of 2021 because of her audacity.
We didn’t hear from her until last week when she told my grandma her youngest had diabetes. I sighed with an awkward laugh and thought that that was inevitable (I didn’t say this but I did think it). Luckily this was over the phone so my aunt didn’t hear me but my grandma said that this was rude.
Which I do agree with but we’ve been telling her for years to take better care of her kids but she just won’t listen. That’s right, I at even 8 years was telling my adult aunt that she was a bad parent.
So you wonderful people, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Do you want a medal for being right? Yes, YTJ. Your aunt sounds like a horrible parent, but do you make your grandma responsible for that? I mean… she is probably sad and worried about her grandchild and you are like “well, I told you so” which is just unnecessary.
I bet you get many NTJ votes because people will focus on your aunt and not your behavior.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“I’ll say soft YTJ because sometimes we don’t control our reactions. It’s not a big deal. Just say to your grandma she is right and you shouldn’t have reacted like this, and move on.
It really doesn’t matter…” Floriane007
Another User Comments:
“Awkward nervous laughter doesn’t make you the jerk. Failing to intervene before destructive parenting from a person with known physical and mental problems manifest itself in their child becoming diabetic and thinking it was “inevitable” makes YTJ.” misdirected_jerk
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My MIL's Travel Expenses To Visit Us?
“My husband and I decided to move to another state different from where we and MIL used to live due to a job opportunity for me. MIL heard and didn’t react well because she said she’s attached to her 4yo & 6yo grandchildren and has to see them weekly.
She cried, went on full temper tantrums, and then accused me of “dividing the family.”
She then came around and said it was fine because she will be visiting us weekly HOWEVER, since I’m the one who wanted to move, then I’m now expected to pay for her every airline ticket/travel expense.
I refused because since it’s summertime travel expenses are through the roof and also…I don’t feel it’s fair that I pay for her every time. I said no but last week she called me saying she needed to come visit and that I had to pay for her flight ticket.
I refused but she called my husband and a huge argument ensued because he yelled at me saying his mom is trying to make this work and I’m being selfish. He said she misses the kids and wants to see them and I had to just pay for her travel expenses and be done with it.
I refused and we had a fight.
My ILs got involved and berated me for deliberately keeping MIL from her grandchildren even though she can afford a flight ticket if she really misses them. I told them this and they called my behavior disgraceful and out of line.
AITJ? They insist I agree to MIL’s condition since I’m the one who “put a distance” between her and grandchildren. I want to know if I really owe her that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her request is unreasonable, to say the least, but she’s not your main problem.
This is something your husband needs to deal with his family on–you moved for a better job opportunity and this benefits your family, and I’m also assuming that you and your husband decided this together, so he needs to step up. He must have your back here.
You have a husband problem: he’s not shutting his mother and her unreasonable demands down. Worse, he’s taking her side. Meanwhile, you end up under the bus. Y’all need to get on the same page, and fast. This is a relationship breaker.” JosieJOK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You chose your career and there is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like your husband is in support of your career but just doesn’t want to deal with his mom making a federal case out of an inconvenience for her. She can come up if she wants.
You aren’t denying her time with her grandchildren. You chose the best opportunity for yourself and your family. My husband and I moved 3000 Miles away from both of our families for better career opportunities for both of us. It has become harder dealing with the travel costs but we always open our home whenever family wants to visit.
We do cover costs when a family member can’t afford tickets (siblings and cousins). However, there is nothing stopping his parents or mine from purchasing tickets to see us. We did what was best for our family unit and we have no regrets.” Bduck91
Another User Comments:
“To clarify for the job was it really for the job because it would benefit your family as a whole or was it to get away from your mother-in-law? If your mother-in-law absolutely has to see the kids weekly then she can absolutely find a way to get there it is not your responsibility.
I’m sure you and your husband plan to make an effort to be together for the holidays if she needs more than that then that’s on her. Many families are displaced all over the country there’s a thing called video chat. Granted it’s not the same as in person but that can substitute a little bit.” MJSP88
15. AITJ For Making My Older Daughter Attend Her Younger Sister's Graduation BBQ?
“We have planned a graduation BBQ for my younger daughter from 8th grade. Not a big party, about 10-14 people, friends and family, only about 3 hours. Now my older daughter was invited to a friend’s sweet 16 that same day which would mean she would miss the whole BBQ.
Younger daughter feels we favor older and never make her attend the things the younger daughter is doing though the younger daughter went to the older daughter’s events. I don’t know if I should make my older daughter stay home for the BBQ (where she would then sulk and be miserable for not being out with friends) or let her go and then disappoint my younger daughter because her only sister isn’t there.
I feel that having my older daughter stay home is the right thing but I’m not sure I want to deal with her attitude. And if she doesn’t go, she’ll want her partner to come to the BBQ, and then she’ll just hide away in a room with him and it would be like she isn’t there anyway unless we say no to the partner whereas she’ll still be miserable.
I think I’m starting to see that I need to do something about the older daughter seemingly running the house because of her moods (though she does have some issues with self-image, and self-confidence so we try to not upset her).”
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ.
This is a weird event to force an older sibling to attend, especially since she already has something she wants to do. Likely your younger daughter had to attend her sister’s events due to her age. That isn’t the older one’s fault, and it doesn’t seem right to try to force parity after the fact.
The moods are a separate issue, but I don’t think it would be right to preemptively punish her for how you think she will act or to punish her for vague past discretions. And that’s what this would be: a punishment. It seems more appropriate to address behavior/attitude in real-time.
Teenagers are moody, yes, but it is 100% normal and good for them to withdraw more from family life and become independent as they reach older adolescence. Your daughter is practicing to be a successful adult, part of which is balancing competing demands. Let her practice.” WholeCollection6454
Another User Comments:
“”Younger daughter feels we favor older and never make her attend the things the younger daughter is doing though the younger daughter went to the older daughter’s events.” INFO: Are you making your younger daughter attend her older sister’s events? Maybe next time your older daughter has an event you could offer to do something fun with your younger daughter.
I was the younger sibling who often had to go to my older sister’s events because otherwise, my parents would have had to sort out childcare, whereas my sister was old enough to look after herself when I reached the age when I had events.
Also, her events always took priority over mine if there was a scheduling conflict because since she was older, they were more important (and to be fair they usually were more important). But once I reached an age where I didn’t have to go, and could start making other plans, I stopped going as frequently to my sister’s events, and that lessened the resentment.
Also a couple of years later, my sister started putting a lot more effort into coming to my big events, and so I started attending her events again. But I think if my parents had kept forcing me to go to every single one of her events, I would have gotten more bitter.
The point I’m trying to make is, since they are both teenagers, trying to force a relationship isn’t going to work, and will just lead to resentment.” RedditUser123234
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know, this is where etiquette can come in handy. The rule is that once you have committed to an engagement, you have to turn down all other invitations for the same day/time.
This is because you don’t want the first host to think you are rejecting their event for something better. In this case, you can use this as a teaching moment for your younger daughter. Her sister is keeping the commitment she made–it is not about who Sister likes better, but about keeping to a standard and honoring your commitments.
And then, to smooth things over a little bit, make sure that your older daughter does something to acknowledge her sister’s graduation–a card, a small gift, taking her out for ice cream or breakfast. Doesn’t have to be big. But family members do acknowledge the achievements of other family members, and even if it is “only” 8th-grade graduation, it is important to the younger sister and the older sister should respect that.
And when it comes time for little sister’s high school graduation, schools usually know the date of graduation in the fall for the upcoming spring. Make sure you get the date, and plan the date of the party, and inform your older daughter months in advance, so she can’t book a better deal ahead of time.” krankykitty
14. AITJ For Avoiding Funerals Due To My Country's Toxic Funeral Customs?
“I have avoided relatives and people I know’s funerals for the past 2 years because I hate my country’s culture.
I come from a country that has a population of less than 25k but has one of the highest rates of diabetes and obesity in the world. Recently, death rates have risen and because we are such a small country, you either know a person or you know someone who knows that person, and almost everyone is related.
In our customs, when someone dies, it is expected that every single person related to them attend their funeral and give money to the family to help pay for debts (even if the deceased doesn’t have any) or “condolence money” for the family and some of the money is used to pay the in-laws whose job is to prepare food.
A lot of food is prepared because each funeral at least has 100-150 people who attend. The most people I’ve seen is 600+
During, the funerals, there is a person who collects the money and announces to the mic the name of the person and how much they contributed. People still go because the more funerals you attend, the more people attend your and your family’s, and more money is given.
Am I the jerk for thinking that this is toxic and we shouldn’t take advantage of a dead person for money and we’ve turned funerals into a popularity contest?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds absolutely terrible. Having a collection plate for condolence cards and/or money is a nice idea.
Announcing it over the PA system who gave and what they gave? Wow. Judgemental people’s dream. I wouldn’t go to any funerals either. Then again, this is coming from someone who told her husband at the beginning of the health crisis that if I die, cremate me, put me in a beautiful urn, and go on with life.
Don’t waste money feeding family or having a ceremony. So, take my judgment with a grain of salt if you so wish. I don’t think you’re wrong at all.” TKD_Mom76
Another User Comments:
“Making money off the dead in a lot of other cultures is considered disrespectful.
I think it’s nice to have the option for donation to assist the family but to require it and shame people for not doing it, is idiotic and very……old world. I know I’m not of this culture or in the country, but it sounds like a whole lot of parroting.
If more people stopped it wouldn’t be a thing, it’s the pressure from others that holds that tradition in place, not just the goodness in people’s hearts for the family. Even you said the more you go to, the more will come to yours, that’s sad and selfish gain.” XFancyPuddingX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is this “competition” of giving most money very strange, but it also draws attention away from what I believe a funeral should be – paying respect to the deceased and paying respect to the deceased’s relatives. The money, and especially the announcements, weigh heavily onto the “paying respect to the deceased’s family” part, and feels less like a funeral to me.
As if the deceased’s relatives are using the funeral as a fundraiser (I know they’re not, and it’s just the custom/standard for funerals where you live, but it makes it feel that way). And with you still donating money, just not publicly, also heavily contributes to my NTJ judgment.” marlon_tmh
13. AITJ For Wanting To Dictate My SIL's Wedding Outfit To Avoid Attention Stealing?
“My SIL (brother’s wife; 24F) has a unique style.
It is very preppy, old-fashion, etc., etc. Think Jackie Kennedy’s pillbox hats, a flight attendant’s twilly scarves, sweaters tied over her shoulders rather than around her waist, housecoats when she is home rather than sweatpants or a robe, cardigans, varsity sweaters, knee-length skirts and dresses, babushka scarves, pullover sweaters over dresses, and all that.
Her “casual style” is coveralls, rompers, and the occasional plain t-shirt and skinny jeans. Even her hobbies are old-fashioned like knitting, gardening, she and my brother never miss a Sunday at church. She is a “housewife”. That is in quotes because she does run a successful animal sanctuary/shelter on their property.
Anyway, the point is she is a very pretty person and is very confident in her fashion.
Whenever she comes to family gatherings, she is covered in compliments about her style. Everyone loves to ask her questions and it causes my grandparents to reflect on their childhoods.
This is fine for some events, but not at my wedding.
I didn’t have a dress code that I put on my invitations, but I would like to issue a dress code for her. I want to just buy her a dress and tell her to wear it so that she doesn’t steal the attention from me on my wedding night.
My brother says that she has a more modern dress picked out, but I just worry… a lot. I told him that her fashion just wasn’t for me and I honestly didn’t think she looked all that pretty in what she wears and he got all offended and said it was my opinion, but I wasn’t to tell that to my SIL.
WIBTJ if I made my SIL wear a certain dress to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“”I told him that her fashion just wasn’t for me and I honestly didn’t think she looked all that pretty in what she wears and he got all offended.” YTJ I can see you being concerned that she might stand out, but that isn’t even an issue because your brother said that she has a more modern dress picked out.
You could have easily said “She always puts so much effort into her appearance! I’d love to see the dress she’s planning to wear and how she’s going to style it!” But nope. You had to insult her clothing choices instead. That was completely uncalled for and unrelated to the conversation.
To be honest, and maybe I’m reading into this too much, it sounds like you’re jealous because “whenever she comes to family gatherings, she is covered in compliments about her style. Everyone loves to ask her questions and it causes my grandparents to reflect on their childhoods.”” Opposite_Lettuce
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. “I want to just buy her a dress and tell her to wear it so that she doesn’t steal the attention from me on my wedding night. My brother says that she has a more modern dress picked out, but I just worry… a lot.
I told him that her fashion just wasn’t for me and I honestly didn’t think she looked all that pretty in what she wears.” How do you even type this without feeling like a jerk?! Have you ever imagined being in her shoes and how it would feel for her to receive this request?
You sound like a child crying for attention. It’s your WEDDING. The attention will 100% be directed to you regardless of what she wears. Also, you sound like a jerk to your SIL. You said she’s a very pretty person, but she doesn’t look pretty in what she wears?” a1ham
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Is it possible that some people may comment on her outfit at your wedding? Yes. Does that mean that you will not be the center of attention? No. You are the bride, in the big, white dress. You and your husband are the guests of honor.
There is no taking that away from you. People will talk about many things at the wedding. Your dress, the ceremony, the flowers, the decorations. And politics, the current world situation, Cousin’s Janie’s having another baby! The town is increasing property taxes to build a new middle school, and did you hear that Aunt Clara’s wearing a wig?
You cannot dictate what your guests wear. You cannot dictate what they can talk about. Please try to relax about this and just enjoy your wedding day.” krankykitty
12. AITJ For Not Attending My Bully's Funeral?
“I (16NB) used to be best friends with “Kira” & we would hang out all the time from 6th to 8th grade. Looking back now, there were several red flags with Kira but I still considered her my best friend.
Our friendship fell apart in 8th grade when we both interviewed for a HS elective.
It is a college prep elective that you stay in for all 4 years of HS & it looks really good on your resume. Kira admitted that she didn’t want to do it but her parents were making her.
My big sister, “Lisa,” was part of the program & a student interviewer.
Kira thought that since Lisa was my sister she would guarantee our acceptance. I thought this too but when I asked Lisa about it, she told me that she advocated against Kira’s acceptance because Kira’s “responses & body language made it clear she didn’t want to be there.” The official results came out a week later: I got in & Kira didn’t.
Kira’s parents accused her of purposely bombing the interview & grounded her for months. Kira then blamed me & said I sabotaged her when I had no control over it.
Kira started lying to the rest of our friend group & spreading rumors about me until everyone in the group except one friend iced me out.
Kira also started telling people my embarrassing/private information, & the school did nothing because it was “only hearsay” that Kira began the rumors.
I’m doing well now & have a great group of genuine friends but Kira’s bullying caused me a lot of depression/anxiety & self-esteem issues that still affect me now.
Kira still would try to spread the same rumors after we got to HS but luckily it has been less frequent as my HS is very strict about bullying.
I know the background was important, so here’s why I’m writing. Kira & I got off at the same spot on the afterschool bus & she would jaywalk.
Two weeks ago on Friday I left school early for a dentist appointment & didn’t have to take the bus.
I didn’t discover until Monday that Kira had gotten hit by a car. Kira was jaywalking. The car had been speeding & Kira didn’t make it.
This was a huge shock. I still deeply resent Kira for what she did to me. But I never wanted her to die. I just wish she had moved to a different school so she couldn’t bully me anymore.
Her funeral was two days ago.
My one friend who hadn’t iced me out but was still Kira’s friend, “Amara,” asked me to come to the funeral to show support & offered to pick me up. I lied that Lisa & I would be out of town for a family emergency & I couldn’t.
I know it’s wrong to lie & the right thing would have been to show support. Kira’s family are good people & I feel awful for them. But I feel it’s wrong to go to a funeral & pretend to still be friends with someone I still resent.
Lisa doesn’t know what happened & she just thinks Kira & I were still friends & just drifted away in HS. I don’t see how explaining Kira’s bullying to Lisa would achieve anything now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not going.
I won’t call you a jerk for lying when you were put on the spot at age sixteen over something that difficult. I don’t know if I, at 57 and with decades of experience behind me, would have been able to think up a good explanation on the spot, and I’m too old to care what other people think about me.
In the future, know that you don’t have to live a lie and “lend support” to someone who has bullied you. In fact, it was probably kinder to Kira’s parents that you didn’t go; they probably wouldn’t have wanted to see you there if they believed their daughter’s lies.” Basic_Bichette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know it feels wrong to lie but you’re setting healthy boundaries here. You want to be a friend to the one person who didn’t ice you out while also recognizing that your friend and you are likely going to process this traumatic event differently.
You’re in a tricky spot and you need to make sure you stay in touch with how you feel. If you don’t want to go, don’t. If you don’t want to talk to your friend about it, don’t. Maybe someday you will.
At the end of the day, you can’t sacrifice your mental health any more than you already have. Sometimes we learn lessons about how to take care of ourselves and we forget to retroactively apply them and update the conditions of our relationships before we learn those lessons.
Back in high school, you might have been the type of person who would go and support that family at the funeral no matter what your friend put you through but you’ve grown past that and it’s not because you’re trying to be mean to them – it’s because you’re remaining true to yourself.” operapoulet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Funerals aren’t for everyone. If it comes up again, explain you were overcome with grief and conflicting emotions and just weren’t ready to say goodbye to her. I didn’t attend my best friend/cousin’s funeral. We were fighting and had been for 9 months, I was 2 weeks away from my due date and she passed away in her sleep.
The guilt and negative emotions were like a volcano erupting. I was not ready to say goodbye and the best thing I did for myself was not rushing it. I also would not have been able to handle the amount of stares and whispers my hysterical and heavily pregnant self would have gotten.
You would have had a spotlight on you too. You have a lot of baggage to unpack throughout your grief journey my dear, but I highly recommend some grief counseling to help you navigate the different stages of grief if you are not familiar with them.
When you’re ready, you can say a proper goodbye to the girl you cared about at one point in time. Then try to make peace with the ugly parts and move forward. Best of luck. Take extra good care of yourself.” WestWitch92824
11. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Mom More Money And Telling My Aunt Off?
“My mom is already in debt to me 1k – which isn’t a thing I’m actually asking for my money back on, I kinda figured I wouldn’t see it again – but she’s reckless with money.
I recently had a significant raise/promotion – I haven’t even gotten the first check off that (just getting my last check on my old pay) I have a little over 100 until ‘last’ that check comes in.
This morning my mom comes asking to borrow 250 from me – I told her I didn’t have it and had to make sure me my wife and kid had enough to make it for the next two days. She inquired into my new job, I told her I hadn’t gotten my new rate of pay.
She got quiet, told me okay love you and hung up.
Sure enough, a few hours my aunt ran to my dad talking nonsense to him about me, when my dad shut her down. This caused her to start blowing up my messages calling me a piece of junk and every name in between.
After a few minutes, I told her to get lost – she told me I was a bad person for not helping my mom out, I could stand to pawn something (hinting at my guitar or PS5) and this is why she or her two daughters don’t talk to me anymore (I actually stopped talking to them).
AITJ for telling my mom I wouldn’t lend her money and telling my aunt to get lost?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you did not exactly tell her no. You basically told her that you could not lend her anything NOW because you had to make it over the next two days and you also had not received your new rate of pay.
In so many words, you implied that you WOULD give her the money when you got your raise. You need to get this straightened out. You need to put your OWN family first. Your mother can take care of herself. She will find a way.
YOU have to stop enabling her or this will never end. You did the right thing with regard to your aunt. However, tell her that if SHE is so worried about your mother, SHE can lend her money because you are DONE!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Not only do you have no obligation to help financially, but she has the gall to ask for money when you have a wife and children to take care of? No absolutely not. And even from this short post and your affirmation, she is bad with money.
That is her problem, not yours. If it were a converse situation, I also believe she’d be under no obligation to “loan” you money. Familial relations have nothing to do with it (in response to the one poster that said you were the jerk for not loaning it because SHE’S YOUR MOM *rolls eyes*).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is a jerk for trying to borrow more money from you when she is already in debt, and for whining to your aunt when you said “No”. Your aunt is a jerk for poking her nose into something that is none of her business, for insulting you, and for having the gall to expect to pawn your belongings to fund your mother’s reckless spending.
If she wants your mother to have money, she can sell her car, or take out a second mortgage on her house, or sell a darn kidney. It sounds like it’s a blessing that she doesn’t talk to you if this is the kind of nonsense that comes out of her mouth when she opens it.” Mysterious-System680
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Repaid His Debt To Me As A Christmas Gift?
“This happened at Christmas last year but I’m (18M) still getting grief over it.
Last year my dad borrowed around £250 from me since he couldn’t afford to pay his heating bill. This was around January/ February time and he said he’d pay me back by the end of the month. He didn’t even acknowledge it until I reminded him and he got defensive saying that I don’t trust him.
Anyway it got to October and he still didn’t pay me back so I asked him again. He just ignored me and walked away.
Christmas morning I got up and went to see my family at my parents’ house and when I arrived my dad gave me an envelope with a message saying that he didn’t know what to get me and to have what’s in the envelope.
I opened it and there was £250. I said thanks and went to see the rest of the family but I wasn’t happy about the gift since it wasn’t really a gift in my opinion. My aunt saw me and asked if I was ok and I explained to her about what happened. She wasn’t happy and ripped into my dad about how much of a jerk he is but the rest of the family told me to leave.
Was I the jerk cause I feel guilty about it now since it’s caused a feud between the family”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex pulled something like this with his mom. He had burned a small hole in her car seat cover years ago, smoking in the car when he was expressly told he wasn’t allowed to smoke in her vehicle.
She told him he needed to replace the seat covers. Not unreasonable at all. After several months he finally bought her new seat covers. As a Christmas present. Similarly a jerk move. You’ve every right to be mad here. Money you’re owed isn’t a gift. It’s money you’re owed. Christ he could have at least gotten you some cookies or a bath set or something if he was financially hurting.” DarkSmarts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what the? Paying back what he owed you isn’t a gift. A gift is something that’s thoughtful, not “oh I don’t know what to get, so here’s your money back”. You feeling upset about it is completely justified. And don’t worry about the “family feud” either.
Your dad’s the one who caused it, not you. I hope this helps OP, take care.” Logical-Abroad4945
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Paying debt is not a gift. Could you imagine doing that for something like rent? Plus that is real lousy of a parent to take that long to repay something to their kid.
I don’t know, I was raised in a household where my parents would never think of asking to borrow money from me. They ask for help with physical things but never money because they believe it’s the parents that should provide for the kids, not the other way around.” Orsimar3197
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Kicked Out Of My Dorm For My Roommate's Partner?
“I go to Uni in the US and share a dorm with a girl I used to be friends with. I don’t come across making friends really often, as it is typically difficult for me to keep a conversation with someone or keep my focus on anything for too long so watching TV with people is difficult.
Anyway, to the story. My roommate, Taylor (F, 19) has been kicking me out (forcing me to leave for lack of a better word) at least once a week to spend the night with her partner in our room. I’m really bad with confrontation, so I don’t really know how to say no. Sometimes she kicks me out twice a week and it’s getting close to exams so I’m thinking about saying no to her from here until the end of the semester.
I explained this to my sister who is only a few years older and she said I’m being inconsiderate. That my roommate just wants to spend time with her partner like everyone else and that isn’t a crime. She thinks because there are only two weeks until my roommate goes back home (across the country from her partner) for the summer I should let her spend as much time with him as she wants.
Is she right? Should I just put up with not sleeping in my room for the next two weeks so my roommate can spend time with her partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your space you shouldn’t necessarily have to leave. If you are busy studying and it’s in your best interest to do that in your room then you need to learn how to grow a spine and say that now is not a good time.
The cost of having a roommate is that you have to share that space and aren’t always going to be able to get your way so your roommate cannot just demand that you leave. It might cause issues or some drama or whatever but now is as good a time as any to learn how to stand your ground on your decisions.
Your roommate should be telling you in advance to arrange for you to be out of the place IF that’s something you are OK with. Stop inconveniencing yourself so much for other people at the expense of your own well-being (like your grades).” maaya_the_bee
Another User Comments:
“When I started reading this, I was expecting something about her kicking you out for an hour of dancing in the sheets with her SO, but she’s kicking you out all night? What the heck? You have a right to sleep in your own dorm room.
Your roommate is way out of line here. Refuse those requests. And you don’t have to let the SO sleep in your room either. If that bothers her, she can go sleep in his room. If she fights you on it, your university almost certainly has rules that specifically prohibit what she is doing, so you’ve got that on your side.
NTJ. I read in one of your other comments that your dorm doesn’t have rules against it, but you do have a signed roommate agreement that prohibits exactly what she’s doing. Throw it in her face and refuse to comply with her requests.” asgallant
Another User Comments:
“OP, I went through the same situation when I was a freshman. Except, my roommate’s partner didn’t go to our school, he went to a school in a different state and he basically moved into our dorm. I was miserable until I woke up one day and said to myself, “What am I doing???
This is MY room too and I have just as much right to be here as she does.” I got home from class that day and told her partner to pack up his stuff and leave. My roommate was upset but you know what? My comfort, safety, and ability to study in my own space were more important than her spending time with her partner.
Start standing up for yourself! I promise you, you will never regret it. Also, your sister is dead wrong – it sounds like she’s never lived in a dorm situation so you shouldn’t be taking advice from her about this. NTJ.” sportsfan3177
8. AITJ For Losing My Job After Confronting A Resident About Laundry Etiquette?
“Last year I was an RA in a freshman dorm at my college. My RD (boss) already didn’t like me for whatever reason (he likes to pick favorites so maybe that’s it?). Well, one day one of my residents approached me complaining that some girl from another floor had come onto our floor and taken up all of the washing machines on our floor.
So I approached her and politely asked her to not do that again, instead use one machine to do your separate loads so that others could get their laundry done. She then began to back-sass me claiming she didn’t have to listen to me, so I reminded her that I was the RA on that floor and that I was nicely asking her to be more considerate next time.
Later that night the girl’s RA barges into my room accusing me of yelling at the girl and making her cry. She then goes to our boss and tattles on me about the situation, then my boss called me into his office to tell me he was going to add this incident to my evaluations, saying I’m “too bossy and inconsiderate of feelings”.
Well after the hiring process for the following year was over, he called me into his office to officially tell me I no longer had a job in res life, because nobody wanted to hire me. Both he and that tattle-tale RA suggested I apologize to that girl, but I never did because why?!
Because of those jerk wads, I got stuck paying rent off of a minimum-wage job the following year. But WITJ for simply doing my job??”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – there’s no rule on how many washer/dryers you can use. As long as she’s allowed to do laundry on your floor, she can use them all.
It’s probably more convenient for everyone to have all washers taken for 50 minutes and then dryer for an hour, then use the same one for several hours at a time. So I don’t know why you felt the need to handle it that way.
The other RA didn’t handle it well either and shouldn’t have yelled at you. However, it sounds like how you handle situations wasn’t an isolated occurrence, and that is why you no longer have a job there. They are not required to keep you the following year.” SherbetAnnual2294
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Obviously taking all the machines inconveniences other people, but if it’s not against the rules, oh well. I probably would use multiple machines (not all) because who wants to spend all day doing their laundry one load at a time?
You can’t enforce a rule that doesn’t exist just because you or another resident don’t like it. That girl is a jerk for running to someone else and playing a victim. Get over it, you were being a jerk and someone called you on it.
Wash your big girl pants and put them on. Your boss is a jerk if he plays favorites and bases evaluations on those feelings. Overall, you all suck. Don’t like the rules? Go elsewhere. Don’t like the boss? Find a new one. So much whining going on over some dirty clothes.” tealambert
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was going to say E S H but from your replies, it looks like you don’t care that you enforced a non-existent rule. It’s a jerk move to be using all of the washing machines, but as a RA you have a job where you enforce the rules of the dorm.
You asked her supposedly nicely to be more considerate, and while she wasn’t mature in her response, she’s right. She doesn’t have to listen to someone telling her not to do something that’s not against the rules. Something you could’ve done is talked to your boss and said you’ve been getting complaints about this so that there can be a rule that’s able to be enforced.” pajanaparty
7. AITJ For Snapping At My Aunt Who Constantly Criticizes My Height?
“I (22m) rarely go to any family function because I have social anxiety but 3 months back I went to my niece’s birthday party (my cousin had her after trying for like a decade so it was a big thing) and there was this distant aunt (late 40s to early 50s) of mine, let’s call her Betty.
She came up to me out of the blue and said,
“You know, you look good and all but it would have been nicer if you would have been taller, you are on the shorter side just like your dad.”
I’m 5’6″ for context. I got pretty embarrassed and just smiled and brushed it off.
Yesterday I was attending another cousin’s wedding and so was Betty. I ignored her most of the time but when I was standing with some friends, cousins, and uncles somewhere around 8-9 people, she came up to me and again said the same darn thing in front of everyone which she said 3 months ago.
I really got embarrassed and I snapped and said (I’m from India and arranged marriage is considered normal here):
“Do you want your daughter to get married to me? Or do you want me to join the military? If not then why are you so worried about my height?
It’s something I should be worrying about and frankly, I don’t. So what, if I’m not taller compared to most men but it’s not like I’m missing out on things because of it. You know what? You are the kind of people I don’t like attending any kind of social gatherings with.”
Everyone was looking towards us when I said all of that, she got embarrassed and probably felt insulted so she just left. Later on, some senior members of the family came up to me saying that Betty was crying and I shouldn’t have done that, she’s older than me and I should have respected her, I should go and apologize to her.
I did not apologize to her I had my food and I went back home. AITJ for standing up for myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Height is one of these things you cannot change, so criticizing someone’s height is just dumb of her. Also, you didn’t even say anything offensive.
She is most likely just embarrassed and trying to make you the bad guy.” No-Jellyfish-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So many of these AITJ posts are people who are being bullied and finally stand up to the bully. The bully then cries victim and manages to get other morally bereft people on their side.
She can have respect when she acts like a decent human being.” sharri70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hi Indian here, though it would have been a better option to ignore her and keep your mouth shut, you did nothing wrong. And this “Respect xyz because they are older than you” argument is nonsense.
Respect is earned, not entitled to a person.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Friend To My Quince?
“I am turning 15 this year and I have decided that I do want a quince.
It is something that I have looked forward to for the longest time, and I am very excited about it. We have recently started looking at who we’re going to invite so we can have an estimate for the venue.
When we got to my dad’s friends, he immediately recommended that I not invite his friend J.
When I asked my parents why, they explained that he has a low booze tolerance and gets intoxicated very easily. Every birthday party I had up until I was 6 would always end up with him having too much to drink and making everyone uncomfortable. Both my parents said that it was up to me if I wanted him there or not, and I decided that it would be best for him not to come.
It was a decision on my part but with my parents’ approval.
This friend called us a few days ago and asked when the date was so he could prepare. My dad then explained that he was not invited and that he was so sorry.
J got very upset from what I could tell, and yelled at my dad over the phone. He said that my dad was being cruel and selfish. He even brought up an event that hit us pretty hard and said that him coming to the party would be my dad’s repayment to him for helping us.
The last thing I heard was my dad yelling at J, and then I left the room.
I can’t help but feel guilty about not inviting J, especially since he did help us during a pretty rough patch. My parents told me that I had no reason to feel guilty, but it’s still something I keep in the back of my mind.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Girl no. You deserve to be happy and comfortable with the people you spend your day with because that’s your quinceanera, and it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing! You get to decide who’s to come and who’s to stay out of your business.
The party has got to be about you. You can’t afford to have a raging “manipulative” heavy drinker (sounds manipulative to me) getting intoxicated and destroying your day. OP. You’re not the jerk. Don’t let him guilt-trip you. NTJ.” Thealienfromarea52
Another User Comments:
“So…. First of all your dad didn’t want him there and recommended him not to get invited. What were you supposed to say in response to that?
“Despite your recommendation that YOUR friend not come due to issues with heavy drinking, I’d like to invite him anyways”? This is a nice way for the parents to hand guilt off to you when in reality it was their choice. Not the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Feliz cumpleaños!!!! NTJ obviously. my parents and I dealt with a similar situation with a family member before my quince. It was a tough situation and I felt like how you feel now, but please know that you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about.
Honestly, nothing sours a night like the tio who drinks too much and makes a scene. J is the one acting like a child and owes you and your family an apology. Girl your quince is a celebration of you and how great you are.
You sound like a sweetheart. I hope you have a beautiful quince and it’s all that you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid.” mari_locaaa9
5. AITJ For Calling Out My FIL For Bringing Over Birds Without Talking To Me First?
“My FIL was coming from out of town to visit my BIL. I asked my husband multiple times if FIL was going to be staying with us and he kept telling me he didn’t know. The day comes when my FIL visits us and that’s when I find out he’s going to be staying at our house for the following week.
I tell my husband about this and he says well I guess he’s staying with us.
Here’s the part where I might be the jerk. I have a lot of trouble understanding proper social cues so sometimes I come off offensive to people when I don’t mean to.
I was in my garage and I heard loud chirping. I try to look for the source of the chirping and I find a bird cage with two birds in the corner. I call my husband to see if he knew there were birds in our garage and he told me he did not.
I knew the birds were my FIL’s and I’m upset because he did not ask either one of us if he could bring his pets into our home. The last time he did that he brought his dog and then left her at our house for 2 months because he ‘gave’ her to us.
We eventually found a home for the dog.
When I see FIL I say, “Why are there birds in the garage?”
He then asks me “why?”
I tell him I didn’t know there were birds in my garage and I want to know why they are there.
Again he keeps asking me why and then proceeds to tell me that my husband knew about them already.
Then I tell him, “That’s not true. I already spoke to my husband and he had no idea there were birds in the garage. He also told me you didn’t mention you were bringing them.”
He then tells me, “Are they bothering you? They’re not making any noise and they’re out of the way in the garage. I can take them back with me if they bother you.”
I told him, “It’s not that they’re bothering me it’s that you didn’t ask to bring them.”
He says, “I just need to remind your husband about the conversation because I spoke about it with him”.
Then I nodded my head at him and walked away. FIL is now saying he doesn’t want to stay with us because I was rude and disrespected him.
BIL who was present for the conversation is telling my husband that I was in fact being rude with my tone of voice. I tried my best to be tactful. My husband is saying it’s 2 against 1 and I probably was disrespectful. I told him I thought FIL was being disrespectful by bringing his pets into our home without asking.
Anyways, FIL is upset and offended. I want to know if what I did was wrong. I told my husband I would apologize to my FIL about offending him if it helps fix the situation but he told me that his family “doesn’t do apologies” and I’ll offend him even more if I apologize because to them it’ll look like I’m “calling him soft and trying to take the high road”.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband & his family are a piece of work: (1) FIL doesn’t even ask in advance if he can stay with you, but decides on his own to do so. (2) Your husband doesn’t bother to check, or maybe he did but didn’t tell you.
(3) FIL not only abandoned his dog but made you guys handle the aftermath. (4) FIL brings another pet without telling you. (Maybe he was planning to abandon them at your place this time too.) (5) Your husband’s “2 v. 1, 2 must be right” logic is lazy & asinine. (6) They “don’t do apologies.” If FIL leaves because he doesn’t want to stay at your place, I think it’s mission accomplished. Good luck.
NTJ.” HIOP-Sartre
Another User Comments:
“By repeatedly inquiring about the birds you were (perhaps unintentionally) signaling to everyone that you were uncomfortable with the birds. By challenging his assertion that the birds had been previously discussed, he likely took this as an accusation of dishonesty.
Had you begun the conversation with something like “I adore your birds, what a nice surprise,” things may have gone better. But forget all that. Your FIL is super rude. It’s rude not to arrange the lodging until the last minute. It’s rude to abandon a dog in your home.
It’s rude to insist a communication that never happened, did in fact happen. If anyone is pointing the finger at you, you’re completely in the right to redirect that finger directly at FIL… even if your best play here, given this strange apology policy, seems to be some kind of message of goodwill delivered via your husband.
NTJ.” Equal-Welder-5409
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s YOUR home. The jerk here is your husband, who I would bet knew full well FIL planned to stay with you. And probably knew the birds were coming as well. You asked a legitimate question “is he coming to stay” which should have been answered honestly the first time you asked. For future reference, “I don’t know” generally means “yes but I don’t want to deal with it”.
Enjoy your FIL being offended, maybe it will mean he and the poor animals he drags about will stay away. Enjoy the peace.” Confident-Ad2455
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Wear My Unworn Wedding Dress?
“I (f26) was supposed to get married to my fiance (m30) on August 17th, 2021. But he passed away suddenly in a car accident a month before.
It was so devastating and the pain is pretty much raw for me.
I moved back with my parents to get some familiarity and support. My parents have been so helpful but my twin sister and I aren’t so close. She’s engaged and getting married before the end of this year.
She keeps ranting about her future in-laws expecting her to pay so much money for the venue, and invite many guests.
She and her fiance can’t afford much and last week she and my mom asked if she could have my wedding dress to wear at her wedding.
I was shocked by her request but didn’t react intensely. I just politely declined. She and Mom started talking about financial struggles and how I have the potential to help but I refuse to and being negative. I explained to them how this dress has personal attachment and value after they said the wedding didn’t happen anyway and I didn’t get to make memories in it which was hard to hear.
An argument ensued and my sister called me selfish and unsupportive, mom still sided with her and said I was wrong and that this dress would only stay hanging in the closet if I don’t “do something” with it since my fiance isn’t coming back and “I refuse” to move on even though it hasn’t even been that long.
Dad is on my side but I started feeling like maybe I’m not being helpful seeing my sister struggling and needing help. Mom said this might make or break our relationship for the years to come especially when I don’t have many people around me after this loss.
Am I the jerk for refusing to let her have it? By the way, the dress cost me $2200 that I’d saved up on my own. They claim I’m refusing because of its price and even went as far as to say that I must be planning on selling it or expect them to pay for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for that dress and have no responsibility to put anything towards your twin sister’s wedding. Unless they are offering to pay the full price you did for the dress PLUS the sentimental value you added to it, then your sister can suck it up and buy her own dress like hundreds of other brides do every single year.
I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss. Words cannot convey the level of empathy and well-intentioned hugs I’d love to give you. Keep your dress for as long as you want and to heck with anyone else.” Unusual_Variant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The dress is yours and while you may never have worn it to your wedding, you chose it and presumably had it fitted to wear to your wedding. You had dreams for that dress and the future it represented. Your toxic sister and mother are 100% the jerks.
They don’t get to dictate when, how, and how long you grieve. Sister is entitled to even ask for the dress. Your mom sucks for supporting her after you said no. I’m very sorry for your loss. If you are able, I’d move out of your parents and go low contact with your mom and no contact with your sister until they get over themselves.” Shot_Construction455
Another User Comments:
“”Mom said this might make or break our relationship for the years to come especially when I don’t have many people around me after this loss.” So your mom understands you are going through a loss, but still, she and your sister are being very disrespectful and inconsiderate towards your grief?
Sounds like they are breaking your relationship. “I explained to them how this dress has personal attachment and value after they said the wedding didn’t happen anyway and I didn’t get to make memories in it which was hard to hear.” That was just cruel.
They are the jerks for that remark. I’m not sure where you are in your grieving but you can make memories in your dress. Next month you could wear the dress to visit your late fiance’s burial site (if there is one) or go to a special place y’all shared and have a photoshoot and have him edited in (one of those memorial photos).
Or do nothing at all and hold on to the dress until YOU decide you are ready to let it go. I would, however, make sure the dress is in a secure place. Entitled people will sometimes do anything to get their way. Definitely NTJ.” Like2Read18
3. AITJ For Being Upset After My Best Friend Didn't Invite Me To Her Party?
“My (18M) best friend (18F) recently held a party at her house to celebrate her 18th birthday; at first, I was ecstatic. The thought of dancing and partying all night filled me with joy.
Now, it’s worth noting our friend group consists of roughly 30 people, however, she had a guest limit of 25 people for the party, which wasn’t a big issue at the time as a fair few people were either busy or didn’t feel like coming.
As her best friend, we’ve been very close for years and I had absolutely no worries about not being able to come, it was only three days before the party that she messaged me saying I would not be able to attend as she had reached the maximum limit for guests.
I was distraught, to say the least, I messaged her back asking why she would prioritize other people over her best friend, I had always had her back for years; she told me to get a grip and it was only for one night.
I know it seems like such a petty thing, but after seeing the party photos on Instagram and everyone talking about how fun it was at school, I’ve felt lost and forgotten; I have no idea why she wouldn’t want me there after everything we’ve been through.
The day after the party, she messaged me asking if I’d gotten over it yet and I left her on read. She later messaged again saying I need to stop being such a jerk and forget about it. I don’t know what to do, I want to forgive her, but I’m just so hurt by this.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your so-called best friend treated you like anything but on her birthday. I think you should consider her actions here. She didn’t invite you. She prioritized others before you. Now she’s name-calling you for being upset about it.
Are those the actions of a best friend? I don’t think so. Sounds more like what a low-tier acquaintance or lousy fair-weather friend would do. Whoever your second best friend is, you should consider moving them up to best friend status and leave this former best friend in your dust. Just block her, and tell her to leave you alone if she approaches you in person.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“I feel like maybe the best friend feeling is probably one-sided. It’s not uncommon as a teen to think a friendship is actually more solid than it actually is and that’s just something you learn how to read as you get more life experience.
It is possible you feel like she’s your best friend but she doesn’t return those feelings and just sees you as one of many in a group of people she hangs out with. If that’s the case then that would explain her prioritization.
It’s fine to feel hurt over this revelation, but you can’t force someone to be friends with you so it’s probably best to take some time and hang out with other people. Build up your friendships with others and find those that share mutual respect.” Azraeana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The worst part about the end of a friendship is often coming to terms with the realization that the other person did not care for you in the same way you cared for them. It can sometimes be worse than a romantic breakup because of the long-term connection we’ve created with that person that makes us feel safe and accepted. But I think that it’s time to grieve this loss of friendship because the way this person is treating you is unacceptable.
That’s not what friends do. They do not tell you to “get over it.” They do not exclude you from their birthday celebration in the first place when they’re clearly inviting a ton of people. She put herself over your friendship, and that’s grounds to just move on and find better friends.
Don’t put up with that kind of behavior from the people in your life. Life is too short to waste it on people who don’t care about you. It’s going to hurt for a while, but better to just cut the friendship than play these stupid games with her, always wondering why she doesn’t appreciate your friendship.
There are better people out there. I promise.” emilybohbemily
2. AITJ For Threatening To Fire My Pregnant Fiancée For Poor Performance At Our Shared Workplace?
“I (35M) and my fiancée (25F) work at the same bar together. That’s actually how we met, she started working there 4 years ago. I asked her out not long after and we’ve been together ever since.
Currently, my fiancée is 33 weeks pregnant. While I understand working and being on her feet is very hard for her, she just has really dropped the ball at work. Ever since she found out that she’s pregnant she’s been sleeping in, showing up late, missing shifts, trying to leave early, giving away shifts last minute, and just having a bad attitude towards work in general.
Yes it’s difficult for her to work now and she gets tired easily, but I really don’t think it excuses her behavior. She’s been named in multiple negative reviews and it’s been brought up by the owners more than once.
Over the weekend, she was working during brunch and she decided to leave early without being approved to do so.
I had to come in to cover her because no one else was available. By the time I got there, multiple tables had walked out from waiting for so long since we were understaffed to begin with.
I didn’t get home until late since I was scheduled to close anyway and I was furious.
I slept on the couch and when she tried to get me to come to bed I sat her down and told her how she couldn’t pull something like that again, or she would be fired.
She obviously didn’t like this and threw a fit, calling me names and crying about how she needs this job.
She ended up going to her friend’s house for the night. I know she’s going through a lot, but I’m just tired of picking up the slack for her at work. So, AITJ?
I was not her boss when we were first seeing each other.
We were both bartenders and I didn’t get promoted until 2 years ago. Her hours have been cut back significantly to the bare minimum and I do most of the housework at home to try to help out. I even told her that we would be fine if she just quit or took leave early but she doesn’t want to do that.”
Another User Comments:
“You probably shouldn’t be your fiancée’s supervisor. You two probably shouldn’t be working together. It’s not really possible to separate your personal life and work life. What do you think happens if you actually go through with firing her?
I don’t agree with her behavior but that dynamic is just not workable. Your boss, the owner, is ok with you supervising your fiancée? That’s a whole lot of liability. I suggest you formally transfer oversight of her to the owner and no longer be involved.” Lildiar
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The minute you were offered the promotion you should have either turned it down or ended the relationship. Being in a relationship with a subordinate is ALWAYS a bad idea and will end up screwing everyone over. At this point, you need to tell your manager that you cannot be in charge of her employment in any way – not as a direct supervisor on the clock and definitely not making decisions about her employment status.
Let them know what’s been going on so that they are up to speed but then you need to not be a part of it ever again. If they choose to fire both of you for causing them this problem, then that’s just the consequences you face when you mess up with an employee.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Clearly, your fiance is not in any shape to be working such a physically demanding job. Pregnant or not, if she behaved that way in any other job she would be fired. She may not WANT to take maternity leave, but she may not have a choice at this point.
Since it is unpaid, who gives a darn if it is maternity or just a leave of absence? Why are you your fiance’s supervisor?! This is a huge liability issue for your employer and for you. If you do need to fire your fiance, consider your relationship over.
You can’t discipline your fiance because it will come home, you also can’t praise or reward her at work without being accused of nepotism.” MeatShield12
1. AITJ For Wearing Comfortable Clothes Instead Of Dressing Up To Please My Partner?
“I am 30F and my partner is 25M. We have been arguing on and off about a very stupid and subjective (in my opinion) issue. My partner thinks that I should dress more nicely when I am leaving the house.
The issue is that I keep arguing that fashion and the way we dress are completely subjective.
What I find beautiful someone else might find ugly, and the other way round.
My partner says that SOMETIMES I wear really unattractive clothing and it bothers him. I tell him it’s comfortable and makes me feel better. He says it would make him feel much better if I wore something else instead.
So I keep compromising, and he keeps compromising but we’re always in this weird state where when I need to leave home I almost always ask him for his opinion (is this ok to wear?). I’m starting to feel ridiculous…
For your information, he is more of a “form over function” guy, usually getting really cold when out since he wants to look nice instead of being warm… He has a family where fashion and aesthetics were always very important since everyone is either a designer, seamstress, architecture, etc, so I get where he’s coming from but it all just seems excessive.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ no one should dictate what someone else wears unless it’s dirty, stained, inappropriate, or against a dress code. I can see if you want to wear jeans or sweatpants at a more formal event but if it’s just for his own fashion preferences that is just being controlling.
You shouldn’t have to ask him for permission to wear certain outfits the way he is making you ask him if it’s okay is a red flag. If he is so against the clothes you wear what else is he going to criticize you for?
You need to talk to him and tell him that it is not okay to control what you wear or control anything that should be your choice.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He seems to be very confused about the difference between his body and yours and that he is a separate entity from you, each to be judged by their own merits or in this case, own clothing.
Unless…he thinks you are akin to his clothes, his car, his job, his actions, and behaviors and are in short, a reflection of his important person. Or maybe he simply does not like the part of you reflected in your clothing choices. Good luck with the relationship.
Thankfully being in a relationship is just an extended interview for whatever purpose you deem it fit for and can be ended on finding an incompatibility such as a complete lack of respect or fundamental understanding of self and not self. Phew.” mangonlime
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It seems like you have different values regarding the importance of looking sharp in public. I am of the opinion that people definitely judge you based on how you’re dressed. I try to dress nicely whenever I leave the house. My wife agrees and therefore we’ve never had a dispute about this.
My sister dresses for comfort and I have to admit that I am sometimes embarrassed to be seen in public with her. Ultimately, I would never tell my sister what to wear. But would I encourage my wife to dress nicely if that were an issue?
I think I would. Public perception of each of us is an issue that affects both of us. The world isn’t as simple as; “Be you and everyone else be darned.”” AJWordsmith
