People Must Live With Their Choices In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Adopted Sister To Stop Calling Him Dad?
“My partner’s sister was adopted at a few months and is 9 years old now. She was taught by her (my partner’s) mom to call my partner daddy and she still does. Her brothers who were adopted all together call him by his name. Supposedly she understands that he is not her dad and she knows who her real dad is but I think since she’s called him daddy since she can remember so it’s probably a really difficult concept to understand as a child.
He is a very good older brother and cares deeply for all his younger siblings. I just think it’s very odd that his mom and my partner are “mommy and daddy” to her. He thinks I’m a total jerk for wanting him to explain that he is not her father, but that he is her brother.
He feels guilt as her only male figure and this title was just forced on him when he was about 16.
I personally think that they have a beautiful relationship as brother and sister and she should know to love that and understand that. If she really understood that (as he says she does) I don’t think asking to be called brother instead of daddy is going to be as traumatic as he’s acting like it will.
He’s playing both sides, it’s not that big of a deal to need correcting but it is such a huge deal that it will deeply hurt her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why did the mom throw that title on him in the first place?
Most single mothers play both roles and don’t have other siblings use “mother” and “father” roles. While it might seem harmless now, the 9-year-old’s brain is still developing, and at a pivotal year too. He can still care for her. You can tell him your thoughts and feelings about it, but it is his choice at the end to tell his mother he doesn’t feel comfortable being called “daddy” by his sister.” ElevatorOk8601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously in the end it’s their business, but you are correct in saying the damage would be more detrimental if she found out later that he actually isn’t her dad. Kids are far more mouldable at that age and therefore most likely to be the easiest time to change the situation.
As a 9-year-old, she will be seeing and understanding more father/daughter relationships at school or outside of school, which would then increase the pressure on your partner to fit that figure or make him seem like a lousy ‘dad’ in the future. Once again it’s their business but overall it’s more damaging for him to play that role.” charmanduuur
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, it’s very weird that his mother created this situation, but unless you have a time machine, that ship has sailed. What you are faced with now is that a child has an unusual nickname for her much older brother. It is 100% not your place to interfere with what one person calls another person if neither of them objects to it.
Frankly, this whole thing paints you as being jealous of a 9-year-old girl because your partner loves his baby sister. If you are insecure about your relationship, there are better ways to try and fix it.” DinaFelice
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Mom's Personal Babysitter While She Travels?
“I (17F) live with my (44F) mom, (9M) brother, & (70M) grandfather. Recently my mom just got back from a 5 day trip and I had the responsibility of watching my brother who is autistic. Why me and not my grandfather? Because my grandfather is mean to him, all of the time.
I work but I don’t have a license so to ask my grandfather for a ride nearly every day makes him pretty angry and snap at everyone. My brother usually cries because of the way my grandfather treats him and sometimes I want to as well.
It’s been that way since he was born; I was 7 watching an infant while my mom worked a 12-hour shift.
So, in the present day, that leaves me to watch him since I’m the only one that’s nice to him. I watch him, feed him, bathe him, take him swimming, put him to bed, the usual. I worked 3 out of the 5 days she was gone and that led to my grandfather yelling that I could “find my own way there.” This happens like clockwork.
Any small thing he didn’t like led to immediate yelling.
There was really one thing I wanted to do this summer and that was go to a single concert of a band that hasn’t played since the 90s and I can’t go because “I trust you, I just don’t trust other people.”
Now she went on this trip with a guy who she knew from the past and now he coaches basketball for teenagers. This happens for the entire summer. I’m not allowed to go on the next trip and the sole reason is my grandfather and how he’s nasty constantly.
Both of these trips would be during the same MONTH. Yet, I’m not allowed to do anything I’d like because she’s always out of town and I’m stuck playing babysitter while everyone else is having fun and doing normal teenage things, all because a 70-year-old man can’t watch his grandson for ONCE.
There is a lot more to this but that’s the Sparks Note version for y’all.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Big problem here is how your mother has checked out from being a parent and has taken the freedom to live like a person without kids.
I have been in your situation and I’m sorry you are going through this. Now that I’m almost 30, I wish I had the guts to inform CPS or ANYONE of what’s going on because parentification was just part of the abuse that was going on and I have a feeling it’s the same for you.” Special_Koala_1093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. What a rough setup. Your mom doesn’t even realize how lucky she is to have a child as responsible as you are. Instead, she is taking you for granted and abusing the family dynamics in order to live as if she doesn’t have kids.
Also, I’m very disappointed in your grandfather. He is likely retired with no responsibilities and yet gripes about having to make any contribution to his family. Hang in there and seriously get to that concert by any means necessary. Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel bad about it.” InfinityAmmo
Another User Comments:
“Your mum needs to start acting like a parent. When do you turn 18? I reckon this will only stop once you move out and get your own place. I’d do it as soon as you turn 18. You’re a child and it sounds like for the last 7 years you have had no life.
I’m sorry, you deserve a childhood and it seems to me you haven’t had one since you were 10 that’s not right at all. Your mum can go where she wants but you’re not even allowed to go to one concert that’s really scummy. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
NTJ but your mum and grandfather sure are. You should NOT have to put up with your grandfather’s mistreatment. Get out when you can then your mum will have to get someone to look after your brother, that should NOT be on you. Good luck.” truthlady8678
20. AITJ For Telling My Long-Absent Father I Don't Remember Him?
“I’m 15F and my father is 46M.
My dad left the family when I was 7 without any explanation. He just vanished one day, and I haven’t seen him since. He left because of relationship issues with my mom. She was heartbroken, and waited 5 years for him to return – but in the end, filed for divorce.
Thankfully, she’s over him now.
To be honest, now – 8 years after he left, I barely have any memory of him. Only some resentment for the years of suffering he put my mom and sister (19F) through. They tried and tried to contact him, but he’d never respond.
I can’t remember his voice, personality, or even face much.
Last week, he texted my mother and said he wanted to meet, after 8 years of disappearance. My mom agreed. We arranged a meet-up at a nearby restaurant. My sister was so nervous/excited, but I realized I felt nearly nothing.
He arrived, and my mom and sister started crying. He cried too, at the sight of his ‘beloved daughters’. He saw that I looked quite emotionless, and said “Don’t you miss your dad?” I replied honestly that I didn’t remember him. He left so long ago, it’s like I barely knew him.
He was so shocked and hurt. Eventually, he cut off our ‘meet-up’ early, claiming he had to work. My mom and sister were so mad, they blamed it on me. My mom said that my sister had been waiting to see her dad for so long, but I had to make a stupid remark and make him leave a second time.
Asking how I could behave like this towards my dad. Telling me that I’m a selfish jerk and jerk.
I’m sorry that he cut the meet-up short, ’cause I knew my sister missed him so much. But to be honest, I don’t feel bad for saying the truth.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the selfish one?!? He walked out with no explanation when you were only seven and shows up 8 years later thinking everything is going to be all ok and yet you are selfish for not remembering him? I’m in shock.
I’m even more shocked that your mom and sister are with him on the playing happy family in a sense, rather than ripping him a new one for what he did. Someone made the very good point that the dad was gone from OP’s life, longer than he has been there it makes total sense that he wouldn’t be remembered.” Hot_Pot8os
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You haven’t seen the guy for more than half your life. A dad doesn’t abandon his children. A dad doesn’t stop contact for eight years. A dad doesn’t just get up and walk away because he has to hear an uncomfortable truth.
He is not a dad. He’s a deadbeat sperm donor. Your sister is angry at your dad. But because at the same time she (unconsciously) can’t be angry at him, because she wants everything to be right with him, you are the easiest recipient of this anger.
It’s a coping mechanism. She may lash out in her anger because she can’t really direct it at the person who it’s actually against.” Natz2103
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. I’m going to talk from my own experience here: when I was a kid, around 6-7 years old, my parents went to work abroad and left me with my grandparents.
We were talking by phone every week but I could only hear their voices and not see their face. They came back to the country 5 years later. I didn’t recognize them at all. Your case is even more extreme than mine since you had 0 contact with your father.
It’s very rich coming from him to feel hurt about you not remembering or caring for him. It’s normal for a child your age to forget about a person who they don’t keep contact with.” CatF4n4t1c
19. AITJ For Prioritizing My Friend's Safety Over My Partner's Concerns?
“My (f 33) partner (31) recently accompanied me to a friend’s party and everything was going fine, we were having a good time and all was great until it was time to leave. One of my female friends asked me if I could drive her home. For context, we are from a country in which women’s disappearances are out of control, so taking an Uber home alone as a woman is not a great option.
I of course said yes and off we went.
From the moment we got in the car, my partner was super quiet he barely said a word the entire drive and would snap at me if he said anything. We dropped my friend at her house and we headed back home.
When we got home I asked him why was he in such a bad mood and he went on a rant about how inconsiderate I was exposing him and myself to danger all to drop my friend at her house, he considers the part where she lives to be somewhat risky, though he used to live in a worse place and is not afraid to go there at all still.
I tried to explain to him that I was just trying to make sure a woman I care about such as my friend would arrive safely at her house, and that is pretty much what we all do for each other, we take care of each other given the circumstances.
He kept saying I was inconsiderate and that he had agreed to go with me to the party and would have to be more careful with how he feels and his safety.
Was I truly inconsiderate to him?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you weren’t. His logic is bizarre.
The neighborhood is so risky that driving through it to drop a female friend off places him in massive amounts of danger, but it’s not risky enough to be okay with letting a female friend take an Uber and travel alone with a stranger? He should become your ex-partner if this is how he really thinks about doing a small favor to help keep a woman safe from violence.” ArmNo8807
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the 2 of you were INSIDE a car and together….you did the right thing by your friend. Yes, carjacking does happen but it is less likely to happen with 3 and then 2 people in the car than a woman travelling alone being hurt.
Does he hate your friend?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. if he can’t think outside of himself to make sure a friend or any woman for that matter makes it home safely when he knows the amount of danger you guys face, then I would think about how he’ll treat you and other loved ones.” mushululu
18. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Husband For Yelling At A Waitress?
“I (25F) got into a fight with my husband (29M) because of his behavior at a restaurant last night.
Basically what happened was that I ordered a meal with rice that had the option of vegetables or none. I picked none because I could do without it, but it didn’t matter to me that much.
My food ended up coming with vegetables, it wasn’t a big problem for me and I didn’t really care.
My husband saw that my food came with vegetables and immediately called the waitress over and yelled at her, making a scene.
He didn’t even bother to ask me if I had a problem with it. The waitress said that she told the chef no vegetables but she didn’t know why he still added it in.
Keep in mind the waitress was probably 17-19, and looked like she was about to cry.
I kept telling him it wasn’t a big deal and that I could simply take them out.
When we were about to leave I left a $30 tip for the girl and we left.
My husband was angry at me and told me that I shouldn’t have wasted money on her.
I told him that if he was going to act like that in public, then I don’t want to go out with him anymore.
He thinks that I’m overreacting, but I think that it was unfair for her to get harshly yelled at in front of all those people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is. Your waitress doesn’t make the food and she has other tables to worry about too. You didn’t care and if you had, it could’ve been handled calmly with no scene. Thanks for leaving a good tip for her after he berated her for something that was not her fault.
Also, people make mistakes. I hope he doesn’t get that upset at you when you make a tiny mistake that isn’t even your fault.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who feels the need to shout at a barely of age teen working a minimum wage job, simply to assert dominance, is a major jerk.
He didn’t need to instantly escalate to the point of yelling. He could’ve first asked you if you had an issue with the veggies being present and, if you did, called the waitress over and calmly stated there had been a misunderstanding. The fact that he instantly started shouting at a young girl over a simple mistake shows his true nature.
I’ve learned to observe how people treat waiters, janitors, etc. as it shows their character. Your husband has revealed his character to you. Do with that information what you will.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ. Your husband acted with extreme incivility towards the server.
You can get a good sense of a person by how they treat those they perceive as beneath them, in this case, a restaurant employee. The healthy way to deal with this would be to say something to the effect of, “Pardon me, but I asked for no side vegetables with my meal.”” VerendusAudeo
17. AITJ For Choosing A Summer Adventure Over Visiting My Partner's Hometown?
“I’m in college. I’ve been seeing Steve for a year. Steve is from a rural town in Ohio where nothing ever happens.
He’s been begging me to come out to see him over the summer. I considered it until I found out my two best friends would be visiting their partners in Europe (exchange students).
I was not about to waste two weeks in Ohio while they were hiking in the Alps with their partners.
So I decided, forget this. And now I’m waiting to board a flight to Denver for six weeks of hiking and camping across four states.
Steve has been blowing up my phone and begging me to reconsider. He wants to introduce me to his family and check out life in Ohio for when we graduate next year.
I told him no and hung up when he called me jealous for blowing off Ohio because my friends would be having a cooler summer break than me.
I ask if I’m the jerk because my friends were with me when he last called. While we are sick of Steve’s stuff, they think I may have been harsh when I blew up at him for pestering me about his summer plans.
It’s not just a vacation, he wants a life with me in Ohio.
AITJ, really?
Another User Comments:
“Lmfaooooo is this serious? Yes, YTJ. Imagine if this were the other way around. You want to bring Steve home to meet your family and see your life, where you might grow together.
And then, he tells you how annoying your request is and that since his friends are going yachting in the Mediterranean, he’s gonna catch a cruise to the Caribbean instead. Sayonara, sister!! Oh, and his friends are sick of your crap, so they’re listening in on your calls as he berates you and tells you what a bad idea you had.
Makes ya feel warm and fuzzy, don’t it? You would be so devastated and would tell every person you’ve ever met what a jerk he was for it. Except this time, you’re the jerk. Just break up with him, although I would MUCH rather he find this and break up with you.
You deserve that.” DntMindMeImNtRlyHere
Another User Comments:
“So, this is pretty much you breaking up, you realize, right? This is you saying that you don’t love Steve enough to want to be around him, or look forward to being with him, and that you are constantly pausing to look for better options to what he offers.
This is you saying “no” to him trying to marriage-track your relationship. Which is fine. But YTJ for the general attitude of casual cruelty towards this boy who loves you. And because you’re mainly behaving that way because he’s not as impressive on paper as your friend’s partners.
It doesn’t even appear to have occurred to you to do both (2 weeks in Ohio, 4 weeks hiking) or to invite Steve on part of your adventure.” millac7
Another User Comments:
“Yeesh. Going with YTJ, namely based on your attitude. It sounds like Steve is looking towards a future where he sees the rest of his life being spent with you, and is trying to make plans with you so that goal can be eventually reached. While I would go ESH here because it seems like he’s trying to force you into it, which isn’t good on his part, I don’t think he’s really a jerk.
You, on the other hand, are acting completely dismissive of him, acting like he’s more of a burden to you than a partner. A year into a relationship is usually a good point where people start thinking about the future (moving in together, marriage, kids, all of that) with their partner, and it sounds a lot to me that Steve is more in love with you than you are with him.
I get it, you’re young and wanting to have fun, not wanting to think about being tied down yet. However, if that’s the case, then maybe before Steve continues to spend more time going down the path toward the future with you, you need to have an adult conversation with him about wanting to take things a bit slower and coming to a compromise/time table on when to pursue the next steps.
Or just break up, if no solution is viable for you. But you need to not dismiss your partner so casually and cruelly like this. He’s your partner; he’s supposed to be your most beloved partner. And you’re not really treating him like one with this attitude.” SweetAshori
16. AITJ For Demanding My Extended Family Treat Me Like Family Despite Being An Affair Child?
“I am an affair child. My dad had a family with another woman and my mom was single. My dad loves me and so does my mom. I grew up with a lot of love from my mother and father. They got married for 9 years after I was conceived but divorced due to the huge age gap between them.
To this day my mother and father keep in contact and provide me with so much love. They have never argued with each other in front of me and still respect each other as individuals and help each other in times of need. Financially and emotionally.
Now onto the problem, my father’s extended family completely outcasted me due to me being an affair child, they have never wished me happy birthday nor have they ever congratulated me on ANY of my achievements. I grew up with this system and never saw a problem with it.
My mother remarried a really good guy. They now have a child together. But I noticed my stepfather AND mother don’t really talk about me to my stepfather’s extended family. Whereas if my sister does ANYTHING, his extended family would be informed in less than 5 minutes.
I graduated a few weeks ago, but still no congratulations from anyone except my nuclear family. This made me rather upset but I decided to let it go. I was so used to them not being in my life, but being heavily involved in my younger sister’s life.
Today, I had a moment of realization, I thought to myself, “They should be in my life, after all, I am his daughter now, if he treats me as such, they should too. Even if I’m not their blood.”
Then came the realization of how bad my biological extended family has been to me.
I talked about this with my mother, father, and stepfather. This became a huge fight. And due to the heat of the argument I ended up calling half of each of father’s extended family, whilst sobbing. And I told them that I am part of their family and they should treat me as such.
(This was not in a nice tone as I was angered and upset.)
My parents got a lot of heat, because in one family I am an affair baby and they decided to take my biological father’s ex-wife’s side due to him being unfaithful to her (I don’t see how outcasting me benefits her, regardless of what happened I still exist and she cannot change the past by not involving me or not acknowledging me), and in another, I am only bound to their family ONLY due to a marriage.
I’m starting to realize I may be the jerk for starting unnecessary drama, but I also think I deserve the love from my father(s) family because I never did anything wrong to them, all I did was exist. AITJ for telling them to care about me?”
Another User Comments:
“Two main points… 1) you are a stepchild to them, and while some families open their arms to stepchildren… others do not. I think you have it correct that they are only going to care about the sister that is a blood relative.
2) even if you were a blood relation to them, you cannot control the actions of others. I am going with YTJ based on your actions, but I understand that you are just getting to make a connection with them. You just can’t force something like that, and you will likely not be happy with the result if something does come of this.
You just be the awesome person you are, and others will see it. If that part of your family does not, sad for them. If you want a bigger group, that is what friends are for… and down the line significant others.” MithrilCache
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You don’t say your age, but if you graduated high school, you’re around 18 and it sounds like you entered into your stepfather’s family as a teen. There’s no guarantee that a family will embrace a stepchild of a family member. But it’s probably less likely the older the child is when they meet them.
Chances are better if you’re a few years older than the new sibling since they’ll watch you grow up and see you at family events over the years. They probably saw you as practically grown up and mentally put you in the category of your mother’s adult child from a previous relationship.
All this is about circumstance, nothing else. With regard to your biological family, it would be nice if they could embrace you, but not surprising they haven’t. You’ve done nothing wrong, but you REPRESENT the break up of their family. They will hurt from that for a very long time, perhaps the rest of their lives.
Again, you’ve done nothing wrong, and your calls to them were a cry for help, which I recommend you get. Finally, you’re not talking about your mother’s family. They’re the ones who have known you your whole life. You represent your mother’s child, period. Invest in them and your younger sibling, who will think you’re a superhero.” Rhuthbarb
Another User Comments:
“They didn’t choose to take care of you. They were forced and once they didn’t need to “take care of you” they didn’t. Simple. You are an affair baby. Your dad had an affair and then married her because of you the affair baby.
Simple. Or unless your dad was in a miserable marriage and unhappy, he should have ended it before starting another family. He was unfaithful to the family with your mom and you. Simple. Now your stepfather’s family doesn’t owe you anything. You are not blood.
Simple. It’s sad but simple. They know how you existed, sorry it’s sad but true and I know it hurts. You should blame your parents for your existence. Simple. They created the mess and now you are continuing to be left feeling unwanted and stateless.
No family. Where are your grandparents? Are they involved? And aunts or uncles? Any family that loves you? And wants you around? Sad life dealt you this hand but learn from it and grow and move on. Develop your own identity from an affair baby.
Find family and friends that love you. Move away from them and stop demanding and depending on them. Your mom and dad are wack.” AriDiamondGold
15. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece Last Minute?
“My grandmother watches my niece during the week while my sister works. This fight between my sister (23f) and I (19f) happened via phone and text.
This past Saturday I was out at a lake with my friend, so I did not have my phone right next to me the entire time I was out there.
I got out of the water and checked my phone to see that I had missed a call from my grandmother and received a text from my sister.
I tried to call my grandmother back and she never answered, okay, so I opened my sister’s text.
It said, “Hey, are you watching (niece’s name) in the morning?” I called my sister and she asked if I could watch my niece the next morning because my grandmother had to attend something. I told her I would not be able to because I was leaving town in the morning to go spend the day with my partner.
She got angry and said it would only be for half an hour. (For background info, whenever I get asked to watch a family member’s child and they say ‘oh it’ll only be for an hour/couple hours’, it turns into me watching said child for multiple hours, without pay.) I told her again I would not be able to watch my niece because I had these plans all week and I was excited to see/spend time with my partner.
She then said, “don’t ever say I don’t do anything for you,” and then hung up on me. I texted her she doesn’t have to throw a temper tantrum just because I can’t watch her kid and that I have my own life and plans, and I wouldn’t cancel/postpone plans I’ve had all week and apologized. She replied it was fine and she would never ask for my help again.
I texted back and told her she’s just being dramatic because I told her no. She has not contacted me since.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s being manipulative trying to guilt trip you for not being available immediately when she needs it.
If your grandmother had something else planned she and your sister likely should have had this conversation before today, their “emergency” doesn’t constitute an obligation on your part. I’m not sure what she meant by “don’t say I never did anything for you”, does she consider it a favor to you to accept no as an answer?
Definitely NTJ OP, way to handle your own with someone as entitled as her.” 3tzamani
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had a baby, it’s nobody else’s responsibility to take care of HER child. The way she tried to manipulate and guilt you by saying she’d never ask for your help again is extremely childish.
Plus that’s probably why nobody wants to watch her kid because she’s never back when she says she’s going to be. I don’t blame you for wanting to see your partner and not wanting to get stuck with her kid all day.” SpeenBake4eva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would suggest that in the future you just say “no that won’t work for me” in these situations. The minute you start giving reasons as to why you can’t accommodate an entitled person’s request it gives them the opportunity to either play the victim or to try and convince you to change your mind.
Just remember that your “no” is to be respected and it is a complete sentence all on its own. I hope you have a wonderful stress-free weekend with your partner!” Jovon35
14. AITJ For Refusing To Hire A Nanny So My Husband Can Play D&D After His Vacation?
“My husband is a SAHP and just got back from a 1-week vacation visiting friends. He stayed up late almost every night while he was away gaming, and had a big full-day D&D session, too. I had arranged a nanny for while he was away since I work full time.
He plays D&D each Sunday afternoon with friends online for 3-4 hours, and I usually take the babies (5-month-old twins) out to give him the house.
This coming Sunday I have to work, and he asked me if I could call in the nanny from last week so that he can keep his standing D&D session.
I told him that spending more money on a nanny so he can have a gaming day less than a week after he got back from vacation was ridiculous, and I don’t want to do it. We do ok financially, but that would definitely be a luxury expense… I also just feel like he’s spent enough time playing games with friends lately… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Mm I was leaning towards E S H but I’m gonna go with no. NTJ. It doesn’t sound, from your comments, like he actually pulls his weight as a SAHP. And you don’t get a you vacation ever. And I don’t frankly know many of us who are getting a whole entire week’s worth of vacation, period as SAHPs.
So I can kinda see where your frustrations are coming from. He can suck it up one singular Sunday, especially after that degree of luxury. He needs to act like your partner in this as well.” Immediate_Ostrich443
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I read through all your comments and while it sounds like he does put in some work, you put in double the amount.
While I get things aren’t always fair and it may be more convenient for you to do some things he “can’t” do, you may be okay with it right now, but people can burn out in just a moment. But if you think your arrangement is fair and is okay for you then there isn’t anything wrong with that either.
Also, if paying for a nanny could hurt the family budget then that’s it, he can play D&D another time.” yuhradio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he can play with the babies if it’s online. They can be with him and his friends can pause.
I have a weekly D&D session that’s currently on pause because a member just gave birth two weeks ago, but the plan is after a couple of months going back to online and we’ll just pause when the baby needs something (she and her husband are part of the crew).
It’s doable if everyone has empathy. Obviously in this case he just got back from a trip so it isn’t as important that he has his social time. But remember, stay-at-home parents work all day every day too, and also need their socialization time.
In this case, he just had an extended social recharge and from time to time things need to be canceled. Just wanted to point that out since we are quick to say it for stay-at-home moms and many comments I’ve read so far seem to disregard this in this case, maybe it’s because it’s gaming and not like a book club or something?
I don’t know.” fragilemagnoliax
13. AITJ For Not Calling My Partner When He Was Asleep After A Male Friend Visit?
“I (24F) have been in a committed relationship for about 4.5 years, and he (31M) has jealousy/trust issues.
Last week a male friend came over for a drink and a smoke (I’ve known him longer than my partner, and am sure he has no non-platonic interest in me, if he did, I wouldn’t have hung out with him).
Since it was in the evening, my partner wasn’t too happy about it, but since obviously nothing happened, I thought there wasn’t a huge problem.
Partner called me sometime during, and I said I’ll call him after the friend leaves (I didn’t think he’d be over that late to be honest, I legitimately intended to call partner).
Now, after the friend left, I texted my partner twice (to hopefully not wake him if he was already asleep) – first to tell him the friend left so he could chill out, and since there was no reply/he didn’t even see the message, I assumed he was asleep, wished him a good night, and went to bed without calling (me keeping him awake is a fairly common problem for us, as we have different schedules, I do my best not to make it even worse).
The next day, he didn’t even text me or anything, and was very very unhappy about my not calling, which I do understand to an extent I guess but….he was asleep, was I really supposed to wake him up to tell him I haven’t been unfaithful (which should be self-evident/a nonissue after 4+ years of being faithful in my opinion)?
He apparently made a Reddit post asking about what he should think, and all the replies were that I surely must be unfaithful, no woman ever has a non-romantic relationship with a dude, etc, which made his worry even worse.
AITJ for not calling him even if he was asleep?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m just a bit older than your partner (turn 33 later this month) and also a male. Look, relationships with age gaps are often fine. But there can be some warning signs related to them and I feel like that might be the case here.
I am a very different person (much more mature) than I was at 24. The fact that he has these issues and is in a relationship with someone almost a decade younger than him is kind of telling in my opinion (also, him being in his 30s and seeking relationship advice online isn’t great either.
Reddit as a whole often has some of the worst advice I’ve ever seen when it comes to that topic).” GoldenFrog14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were considerate in checking to see if he was already asleep and when you got no response you told him good night.
His behavior is not that of a grown man. People online are so quick to go to “they’re unfaithful!” Instead of advising people to have an actual conversation. Your partner needs to chill out and realize that people have friends of all genders and if he doesn’t trust you then that’s his problem to deal with.
Just because someone does have interest in or hits on another person doesn’t mean anything will happen. Good luck.” BlueBelle2019
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds more like one of those ‘communication-mix up’ situations. You were trying to meet his request while at the same time showing him a kindness because he was sleeping.
Unfortunately, he didn’t end up seeing it that way. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t. I would have done the exact same thing as you. Now that you know what his ‘expectations’ are, you can handle it differently. He gets points off for making a small thing into a big thing – it wasn’t a big problem, he’s just being a big baby about it.” TrainingDearest
12. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Hope He Never Leaves The Hospital?
“I resent my brother.
He was a jerk to me for most of my life, he never supported me or tried to help me when I needed it.
He would also humiliate me and leak my secrets such as my love interest or my insecurities just so he could get attention, he would also use my insecurities against me in arguments and make sure that I never had a moment of peace.
Recently, he got in a car accident, he tried to learn how to drive and an older friend of his was trying to teach him.
It did not end well. Both were sent to a hospital and he is pretty messed up, but thankfully he is not going to die from the injuries.
2 days ago, while I was taking care of my brother, we got into an argument after I asked him why did he trust his friend to teach him, and at the end of the argument he had the guts to say I was a garbage brother (I was taking care of him at the hospital every single day).
I got mad at him, and after calling him names for like 5 minutes I told him that I hope he never gets out of the hospital, and then I stormed out of the room.
Now all of his friends are telling me that I went too far and that I should talk to my brother and “fix our brotherhood.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“One day you and your brother will grow out of adolescence into adulthood and things might look a bit different. Remember that your version of your relationship as siblings might be very different from his. My sister and I blamed each other for being crap siblings for a long time.
It was only when she was dying of breast cancer that we came to the same realization that our mother played us off against each other in a cruel and underhanded way. Then she died and I’m left with a lifetime of regret and have grieved for this past 9 years as though she just died yesterday.
Don’t let that happen between you two (as far as you can control things). I don’t think there are any jerks here, just youth and rivalry. Try not to exchange cruel words. They may come back to haunt you later in life.” No-Raspberry-9684
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother sounds like a selfish, mean, manipulative jerk. You have every right to disown him and refuse to care for him. Whenever I hear stories about jerk family members, I always ask the following: If he wasn’t family, would you have him in your life at all under any circumstances?
If the answer is no, he’s not family. He’s just some jerk with whom you share 50% of familial DNA. NTJ.” Darwina1226
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you snapped after years of his nonsense. He starts yelling at you and being ungrateful, despite you being there with him every single day.
Many people are taking this incident at face value without considering the impact a toxic sibling can have on one’s well-being. He belittles you and puts you down every chance he gets and is taking his nonsense out on you and projecting. I’d lay down the law here with your family – your brother either starts treating you with the respect you deserve, or he can get out of your life forever.” This-Score-8200
11. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Paranoid Roommate?
“My roommate was referred to me by a coworker 3 months ago and was described as a “technophobe” experiencing a housing emergency. I met her and she did not do or say anything to lead me to believe it was anything more than an inconvenient phobia.
After having a few conversations/interactions with her, I realized I had been misled.
I’ve made every attempt to indulge her security requests (including requests that were extremely inconvenient for me). The paranoias include: group stalking, the belief people randomly talk to her on the street, the belief that “teenagers from the dark web” hack traffic cameras to track her movements, the belief household appliances have inactive cameras, the belief someone will gain entry to the unit (via the door, elevator shaft or fire escape) and tamper with our food and/or harm her, etc.
This is why I might be the jerk:
I typically spend weekends with friends. She refuses to accept mail on my behalf and yesterday I received notice that I had a delivery. I didn’t want a $50 package waiting at my door for two days until I returned. I made the 45-minute journey back home and retrieved the package.
Upon attempting to gain entry to my apartment, I was unable to enter. I knocked, rang the bell, and turned the key over in the lock multiple times but her security bar was barricading the door and I couldn’t enter.
I tried texting/calling the number she gave me when she moved in but the phone was off.
I reached out to her friend asking if there was any way to get in touch with her (later she responded and said due to her technophobia she does not have a working phone). After half an hour of attempting to gain entry, I yelled through the door requesting entry and identifying myself.
She removed the apparatus and let me in, albeit in a state of panic that I was an intruder.
I was quite frustrated and told her that she could not legally restrict egress/ingress from/to the unit and that I had been extremely adaptable and accommodating to her “eccentricities” but this was a hard stop.
In return, she got quite upset and said it was a “normal human expectation that if (I) can’t enter the unit (I) must know (she’s) home, and (I) should be willing to scream through the door to let (her) know it’s (me).” I told her there’s a peep hole, I turned the lock with my keys, and that in the past she requested I make sure not to reveal she lives here so yelling her name through the door would violate her previous requests.
She got very upset and insisted I was the jerk because I wasn’t willing to accommodate her security measures because they abate her paranoia of being harmed by an intruder.
I was quite angry yesterday but now I feel guilty for causing her to have an “episode” and telling her she cannot limit access to my apartment even if it keeps her paranoias at bay.
So, AITJ for setting a boundary with someone suffering from an untreated mental health issue?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is way beyond anything you should have to deal with. It’s a hard truth that people with extreme mental issues can be very hard to live with.
I recently had to get a restraining order against my former roommate who probably has a PD because my safety was at risk. You’re not her caretaker, and you need a place you can feel safe living. She sounds like she needs to be institutionalized or have live-in help, but that’s really not for you to deal with.
Regardless, if I were you I would seriously try to get her out of your home or consider moving because things will probably get worse.” ultrarelative
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cannot live your life in her crazy world. You have been far too kind with catering to her eccentricities.
And I’m someone with severe mental health issues (treated right now, but still). First things first, I would have a (polite but firm) conversation with that coworker who set you up for this. Second, I would look at the renter’s agreement you signed with her or make a renter’s agreement with her.
One of the things I would put on for your requirements for staying is that she gets therapy. She picks the person. but yeah. Therapy. No barring doors besides locking them (with the locks that you and her have the keys), etc. Whatever other demands you need. She will give you a list of her demands.
Also, just for clarification: She was in a housing emergency, but you were housing stable right? And you took her in out of kindness? Or you had a place was but looking for a new roommate to add to save money? Did she sign a lease or sublet or what?
Can you kick her out if she becomes too much or do you have to go through your landlord? Anyway, I would look into what you would have to do JUST IN CASE you have to pull that string, because let’s be honest, if you ever do have to pull it, you’ll be under too much stress to efficiently do the research at the same time.” cadmium2093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first and foremost you’re a saint with a heart of gold to willingly accept a roommate with this condition albeit without full disclosure. Secondly – it sounds like she has a case of schizophrenia and not a phobia. Thirdly – I don’t think you’re the jerk.
I would suggest that you sit down and have a conversation about the issue, explain where you’re coming from with all of the accommodations you’ve made for her and that yelling through your door is more than you’re willing to do and in addition that it would be a violation of her specific request and in light of that the only thing(s) that you ask for in return is that she not place the security bar on the door.
If that’s not something that she’s willing to accommodate for you then you will have to decide if the living arrangements are conducive for the both of you.” Rohlf44
10. AITJ For Feeling Disrespected When My Partner Wants To Sneak Cucumbers Into My Food?
“Out to dinner the other night with my partner (F46) and a conversation came up. Basically, I (M39) don’t like cucumber in the vast majority of situations (not raw, in 99% of pickled formats, etc).
So we were having dinner at a Greek place, and I took one bite of the salad and it just tasted of cucumbers so I didn’t want to eat it (not a big issue, plenty of other food options/came with actual order) however I did eat some of the tzatziki (which I will eat some of, but is nowhere near my favorite thing largely due to the cucumber taste).
So this started the conversation of A) that there is no reason I shouldn’t like cucumbers because they are mostly water and have no taste, and B) how she should start putting small amounts in my food to see if I can actually taste it, and then if not say see you should be ok eating cucumber.
My response to this was this was extremely disrespectful to me or anyone you did it to.
Needless to say for me this spoiled dinner and makes me wonder if I should trust her. I am not sure if she was joking, and even if she was, this wasn’t a particularly funny joke.
I’m just wondering if I am out of line thinking this shows a lack of respect for that person.”
Another User Comments:
“Ok, A.) They HAVE a taste, and that taste is DELICIOUS, how dare they? B.) Is she a psycho? That being said, you are NOT a child that needs to learn a lesson.
At this point, it’s a boundary. I might think it’s silly, but you being an adult, should be respected. I was a waitress for YEARS and had a hard time grasping why people didn’t like certain tastes, but that wasn’t my call. My job is to give people what they want, and I LOVED it when they told me it was JUST as they wanted it to be.
I put hot sauce on EVERYTHING just about, but that’s me. I get a LOT of nonsense for it, but I like my food to slap me square in the face, if it doesn’t, what’s the point? I’m not slabbing it on other people’s food to show them how wrong they are, and they ARE wrong, by the way, lol.
Stand firm, you were disrespected.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I love the taste of cucumbers! It definitely has a distinct taste to me. And there are other things besides taste. Cucumbers have different textures too. My husband doesn’t like them because his teeth are sensitive to how cold they feel to him.
I really don’t like onions, usually. But I still like salsa and spaghetti sauce with onions. Food can change in different contexts. NTJ. Your friend should have more respect for your preferences. If she ever does try to trick you, your friend is definitely the jerk.” RxTechRachel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course cucumbers have a taste. Otherwise, they would be pointless to add to that tzatziki, and wouldn’t have been when the recipe was made for the first time! You are not a picky five-year-old refusing to eat vegetables with a mother forced to hide them in your lasagne.
You’re an adult with bodily autonomy and preferences, and she is most certainly not your mother. It IS a lack of respect, it is also infantilizing. She is not trying to get you to try her favorite food or cuisine she is picking on one of the few foods you don’t like and trying to force you repeatedly and secretly to eat it.
It’s pointlessly rude.” AdorableWin984
9. AITJ For Telling My "Friend" I Hope Her Fiancé Calls Off The Wedding After Not Receiving An Invite?
“My (26f) friend ‘Anna’ (23f) is getting married in July.
I use the term friend loosely, I wouldn’t say we’re close but we know each other and hang out sometimes in a larger group. She’s having quite a big wedding and has invited many people in my friend group, but didn’t give me an invite.
At first, I assumed she was just having a small wedding with family and close friends, but I know many people who have been invited that aren’t even as close to her as I am – again, not claiming to be a close friend of Anna’s by any means so I’m sure you can see that literal strangers were invited.
My two best friends and I received no invitations when literally everyone else did. I tried to just ignore it, but last week I messaged Anna and asked her why I didn’t receive an invite to her wedding (I asked politely). She got defensive and messaged back saying that “she doesn’t want me at her wedding” and I’ll “try and upstage her” (exact words).
Her tone was extremely rude so I messaged back that I hope (name of her fiance) realizes what a bridezilla she is and calls off the wedding. My other friend (she’s invited) later said that I was very rude to Anna and that I was getting too worked up over a wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”I use the term friend loosely, I wouldn’t say we’re close.” Okay, then why would she invite you to her wedding? “My two best friends and I received no invitations when literally everyone else did.” More people not invited and they didn’t feel entitled to an invite.
“She doesn’t want me at her wedding” and I’ll “try and upstage her” (exact words). Are you known for trying to upstage people? Is there some type of truth behind her statement? “So I messaged back that I hope (name of her fiance) realizes what a bridezilla she is and calls off the wedding.” All over not being invited to a not close friend’s wedding?
“My other friend (she’s invited) later said that I was very rude to Anna and that I was getting too worked up over a wedding.” Your other friend is correct. YTJ.” Fritemare
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I wouldn’t say we’re close.” Well, apparently you’re even less close than you thought you were.
Sorry, it comes as such an unpleasant shock…but honestly, if you make a habit of assuming you’re just going to be included in group stuff and/or throwing a fit when you don’t get your way, it probably shouldn’t be. Not to mention whatever behavior has Anna so concerned about you “upstaging” her – which, again, your overdramatic reaction to not getting to be part of her event when it’s not even clear why you want to be there apart from thinking you deserve to be doesn’t exactly do anything to disprove.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re upset that your “not really” friend didn’t invite you to her wedding? You’re sending some mixed signals here and making wild assumptions. So correct me if I got anything wrong here. Admittedly, you’re not that close. You hang out sometimes in a large group.
So it’s not like you really know her. You don’t really know who she hangs out with and when. You immediately assumed she had a tone but you were messaging each other. Maybe she thought you had a tone, by asking someone who you barely know why you weren’t invited to HER wedding, like you had some sort of right to be there because someone you barely know invited other people you barely know to the wedding.
I’m beginning to understand why she didn’t invite you. So rather than prove her wrong by congratulating her on her upcoming nuptials and wishing her the best, you insult her and tell her that you hope he dumps her. Then you have the audacity to act indignant?
Did I get that right? Yeah. You’re definitely the jerk.” Automatic_Western_50
8. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Sister Back Her Harry Potter Books That She Gifted Me?
“My sister and I both love Harry Potter so so much.
She (31) grew up with the books, and I (24) grew up with the movies. When she moved out from home at 18yo or something, she left a bunch of stuff behind and said I could have her HP books. I borrowed and read them all already at that time, but I was still happy about it.
Up to this day, I still read all of them every year or so, because I love the story so much.
My sister recently moved to a new apartment in NYC (we’re originally from Europe) and she texted me “do you still have the HP books?
I wanna put them on my bookshelf in my bedroom, they’d look nice there”. The thing is, I know it’s just books. I know I could just go out and buy new ones. The thing is, ever since she got that job in NYC, she has earned so much money, I on the other hand am a university student with no job.
She gifted them to me. She didn’t just leave them behind, she gave them to me on a birthday. I feel stupid starting a fight over this, but I also feel like it’s not fair in a way, since I actually read them while for her, it would just be a decorative item.
WIBTJ if I told her to just buy new ones?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gifted them to you, not out of love but out of convenience. She didn’t want to drag them around with her as she became independent. They are yours. Your legal property and it doesn’t matter how they became your legal property.
Now it’s more convenient for her to have those books. She is demanding that you give her YOUR books. Think, if she demanded that you give her your current textbooks, would you wonder if you should tell her no? She probably found out that they have a value greater than their replacement cost and will sell them.
Relieve her of her delusions. Your sister is a jerk, by the way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and lmao this also happened to me with “my” Harry Potter books. My aunt “gifted” me the whole set when I was 8-9 and I LOVED them.
Read them all so so so many times and they became an important piece of my childhood. When my younger sister reached that age, she read them as well, so it became precious for both of us. Then, one day, my aunt came over to take them back to give them to her son (our younger cousin) because technically she bought them so they were “hers”.
My sister and I were really upset because we thought it was a gift and because we would occasionally re-read them, but apparently, she was just “lending” it to us until her son was able to read it. I don’t remember the details, but I think we were both at school that day, so we weren’t able to stop her.
That was like probably 5-6 years ago and we’re still upset to this day. For some reason, the Order of the Phoenix is still in my room (think I was re-reading it when she took the others), and I’m satisfied knowing that there’s a missing book in her collection.” KingParsley1234
Another User Comments:
“I’d say no jerks here so far for asking & declining (if only because you might have said “sure, they were just taking up space”). More of a suggestion than a judgment: my sister and I also shared “family” copies of the HP books growing up.
We agreed fairly early that, when we moved out, one of us (me) could keep the old ones for nostalgia, but that sibling would pay for a new set for the other. I’m more sentimental, she likes newer things, and it worked out nicely. Perhaps you could offer either option – ask if she’d be willing to help buy you a new set, or you could contribute to new ones for her?” skys-edge
7. AITJ For Wanting My Money Back After My Place At A Party Was Taken By Someone Else?
“This weekend, my wife and I were supposed to go down to TN for a bachelor/bachelorette party and we’re supposed to stay at an Airbnb.
I’m the best man and she is a bridesmaid. In any case, I had a back injury in 2020 and unfortunately had a flare-up and basically can’t walk or sit in a car for 8 hrs to drive there without a lot of pain and walking is uncomfortable.
We told them last Sunday that unfortunately we weren’t going to be able to go and left it at that, figuring we would eat the 700 dollars for the Airbnb cause it’s short notice and didn’t want to cause issues.
Well on Wednesday, they let us know that they had another couple going in our place.
Turns out it was the guy who got overly handsy with my wife in New Year’s 2020 and hasn’t been invited around since. But now he is going on this trip in our place and my friend simply tells me that he is going to “try” and get our money back from them.
I’m annoyed and told him there was no try, I want my money back if this guy is going.
Am I being petty and the jerk at this point since we would’ve been out the money anyway if this guy didn’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You should been given it back regardless of who was taking your place, but on principle, you absolutely do not accept no for an answer here. This doesn’t even touch on the fact your “best man” (or at least he thinks so) is keeping someone who harassed women in his friend circle.
If your friend knows about what the guy did, he shouldn’t be inviting that couple in your place.” More_Gimme_More
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, you already offered to cover the cost if no one could backfill you and your wife’s spot, which makes you even less jerk.
Once they found a replacement it should’ve been a no-brainer that they should now pay you back. Not super relevant that he was handsy, you deserve your money regardless. I’m having a similar bachelor trip situation where the best man decided that everyone would cover the bachelor (fair enough), but also his college brother.
Keep in mind that this is a 5 day trip to Vegas where we plan to golf multiple times as well. I think some people just don’t respect the value of money when it isn’t theirs.” Almighty_Bunny_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the obvious reason you didn’t agree to fund someone else’s travel, but also because if he stays in the place you booked and messes it up, you will be legally and financially liable.
Also, Airbnb isn’t a hotel — people renting out spaces, even whole apartments, are more likely to live in the same building or area and be keeping a close eye on who they rent to. If you rent for one set of people and someone else entirely shows up, that’s super sketchy and could get you banned from the platform.
If he wants to stay in your reserved Airbnb he needs to send you the money, and you’ll talk to the booker about getting the reservation changed. Do not let him stay under your reservation for free or without talking to the Airbnb booker.” blackbirdbluebird17
6. AITJ For Seeing A Guy My Unhappy Friend Secretly Liked?
“I (17f) am friends with this girl Shannon(17f). Shannon is in a relationship with her partner but she has told me that she wasn’t happy and was planning on leaving. She has been doing this since October. I recently got asked out by Luke (17m), we have not defined our relationship status yet.
I hadn’t told Shannon that I was seeing Luke because, while I had liked Luke for a while, he had a partner until September? October? Anyway, I felt like saying it out loud would make things more serious and that I might get more upset if things didn’t work out.
I know it’s stupid, but that’s just how I feel.
Anyway, Luke and I were talking near the school gate while I was waiting for Shannon, and when she did show up she started subtly flirting with him. I don’t know if or not he picked up on it, but I did.
So after Luke left, I told her that I was seeing him hoping that she would back off. Instead, she got angry and told me that I shouldn’t have started seeing someone when I knew she was in an unhappy relationship. I said that just because she was in a bad relationship doesn’t mean I should put my love life on hold.
She then said that I should not have started going out with Luke because she liked him. She had never told me she liked him, we had only sometimes talked about him being cute when talking about boys in general. She says I should learn to take a hint.
I told her that it’s not on me to take hints, if she liked him she should have told me. She reminded me that I hadn’t told her I was seeing him either. She says that since we are not officially seeing each other yet, she will still drop hints.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and asked her not to do it. When she kept insisting, I told her she had her chances for a long while, and she didn’t take it. She still kept insisting so I told her ‘you snooze you lose’.
She got angry and called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Shannon sounds like a total jerk in comparison. No true friend would be angry at you for having a relationship when their relationship is floundering. Shannon sounds like one of those people who thinks the world is centered around her, and you did good in basically giving her a dose of reality to prove that isn’t the case.
Also, Shannon coming on to Luke is a major red flag about her behavior since you guys are nearly semi-official. Be careful with her.” PlagueisTheSemiWise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone’s in a bad relationship and can leave but refuses to, that’s on them to live with their choice.
Let her be upset. If pursuing this other guy was that important to her, she would’ve done so already. It clearly wasn’t a priority. That said, I think this is mostly about jealousy on her part. He’s interested in you. All of the behavior makes me think she is pathetic, immature, and toxic.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to ditch your friend/enemy because she is not a friend at all. She is in a relationship with someone else, and trying to pull the “I’ve been flirting with him, I really like him, how could you do that to me” nonsense, coupled with her openly stating she is going and try to steal him away from you, stinks of all kinds of toxicity.
And the fact you were unaware of her crush until after you began a relationship is suspect as crazy. Seems more likely she is trying to sabotage your relationship for some other reason.” Legitimate-Review-56
5. AITJ For Forcing My Fiance To Not Attend A Female Coworker's Birthday Party?
“My fiancé (34M) and I (33F) work in the same company, in different departments. Throughout the six years we’ve been together we’ve gathered many mutual friends at work. A year ago his department hired a lot of new interns and I noticed he became quite close to one of the girls (21F).
They don’t hang out alone but would have text conversations outside of work hours, which I found out while we were spending time together and I would see notifications from her pop up on his phone, and it had happened multiple times. I mentioned it to him a few times about how it makes me uncomfortable, and eventually, he had a conversation with her about it and it died down.
Some backstory here is that my fiancé is also a very charming and chatty person and it’s resulted in us having a rocky past near the beginning of our relationship and trust issues on my end. We are still working on a lot of things which is why I’m not sure if this is just me being too sensitive.
She is very extroverted and personable, evident from the fact she’s made many work friends in the short amount of time she’s been here. And because she’s become friends with a lot of our friends, we started hanging out as a group.
My fiancé says he looks after her as a little sister because she’s around the same age as his sister with whom he’s had a difficult relationship after their parents divorced. But as time went on my understanding is that they’re getting closer.
I can see that they act like siblings, but in my head, I can’t seem to get over the fact they’re not real. The girl wasn’t showing any obvious objective interests towards my fiancé and she’s also actively seeing other people and comes to me for relationship advice.
But I still didn’t feel 100% comfortable about them being close friends.
Last month, the girl planned a bday event and invited both of us, and I agreed to go because really she hadn’t done anything that would make me unfriend her. Until a week before her event, my fiancé admitted to me that they do still talk over text, and when I reacted poorly he told me I was overreacting.
He showed me the chat history and I saw that they talked about little things almost every day. There wasn’t anything that crossed boundaries, and if the girl was a guy friend then I wouldn’t have no problems with it. But the reality is she’s not a guy, and I was furious that he lied to me.
In the end, I told him if he goes to her event with me, I will end our 6-year relationship.
So on the day of the event, I went alone, and when people asked why he wasn’t there I just told them he had to be out of town.
He also told her the same thing later on. But we are still fighting over whether or not I was reasonable to threaten such a thing. He’s unhappy and says I’m the jerk for trying to control who he can be friends with, but I’m still hurt by the fact he lied for months and doesn’t seem to understand why I’m feeling this way.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say ESH. You are obviously feeling insecure. The thing is, that’s a you problem and something that you need to deal with. I understand where you’re coming from because I’ve been in a similar situation.
The thing with him is, you’re right. He shouldn’t have lied to you. If he agreed to stop texting so much, that’s what he should have done. The lying and hiding it is what would bother me too. You guys both need to sit down and talk this out.
Is your insecurity something that will ruin the relationship? Not if it’s dealt with properly. To him, is this woman someone worth throwing 6 years away? Because that’s where this is headed if you two can’t come to an agreement. I don’t get jealous or insecure often.
There is only one time I can think of where I felt threatened in my relationship. The last time I felt like that, my partner understood and corrected the situation. He put distance between himself and that female coworker because she made me uncomfortable. He was still friendly, but not overly so.
I have done the same when he brought up that someone I was speaking with was bothering him. I shut down the friendship and made it strictly work-related. This is how you maintain healthy relationships and healthy boundaries.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This one is tough.
You have no right to outright control who your fiance is platonic friends with, but also, he lied about continuing to text her when you were justifiably uncomfortable with it. Honestly, you’re not at all wrong to be uncomfortable with your husband, at his age, being so apparently close with this coworker, who is very young.
While it certainly does seem genuinely innocent, there’s an unmistakable ick factor to it. Your husband should know better. I guarantee you’re not the only one sensing that their relationship may be more than brother/sister. She’s not his sister. He really needs to navigate this carefully if he doesn’t want to be known as the workplace creep.
He wouldn’t be the first guy to act like he just genuinely cares about a younger woman like a sister, only to quickly take advantage as soon as he senses she’s vulnerable, and then claim that it all happened “by accident” and he “couldn’t help it” because “how could he resist in that situation” (don’t we all just like them young and vulnerable?) and besides, “she was coming on to him” (by crying in his arms about her breakup), it’s not his fault (it is).
I guess what I’m saying is that while your fiance might just be a genuinely awesome guy who’s looking out for this girl as an older brother, he also might be grooming her and just waiting for his chance to abuse the trust he’s been carefully (and secretly) building.
I know it sounds like I have a distinct opinion about which it is (I do, and it’s the one you think it is), but I’ve never met the dude, and I’ve never seen the two of them together, and I’ve never read their texts to each other.
NTJ, maybe? I don’t know.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You even blatantly admit that if this woman were a man you wouldn’t have an issue with their friendship but since she’s a girl he isn’t allowed to be friends with her.
That is absolutely ridiculous. You said yourself there is nothing to indicate they are interested in each other beyond a simple friendship and yet you threaten to break up with him over it? You sound extremely controlling, manipulative, and jealous. He shouldn’t lose friends because you are acting this way, he should have gone to that party because that is his friend.
He shouldn’t have lied to you but I can see why he did. You are absolutely atrocious in your view of opposite-gender friendships of course he hid it from you.” Ohmypitsky
4. AITJ For Reading Adult Books To My Baby To Help Her Stop Crying?
“I (m27) have a baby girl named Ella with my wife Veronica but I’ll call her V (f25).
Fatherhood has been an absolute torment for me. No matter what I do V is the only one who can get Ella to stop crying. It’s only been a few months but I feel like Ella dislikes me for some reason. Obviously, things will get better soon but it’s making my life difficult.
V is the only one who can help her if she cries at night. So now V resents me for not being able to help with Ella because she’ll bawl her eyes out when she’s alone with me.
So I’ve tried to start sharing one of my hobbies with Ella.
I like reading a lot but reading a children’s book is kind of annoying to me. So I’ve started reading books I want to read to her out loud. Magically she finally stops fussing or bawling her eyes out. I don’t know how or why but she just stops crying when I read to her.
Babies are weird creatures. The issue is that I read adult books so it can include inappropriate topics and stuff like that. I don’t think it’s a big deal because a few months-old baby is not going to pick up on it nor will they even understand the words I’m saying.
V has a big problem with this. She thinks I’m putting bad things in Ella’s head but I personally don’t see the issue. Especially if it helps me and Ella bond because for a while I thought things wouldn’t get better with her.
I stopped because I’m not going to die on this hill with my wife who’s suffering the same stress I am. I personally don’t think it’s an issue and I’m wondering if I was wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
You’re trying. And parenthood is all about effort. Parents who don’t try with their kids lose them as family later in life. As long as the books aren’t completely out of this world like weird fanfics, you’re more than okay. Also, I know that kids tend to favor a parent, especially at such a young age.
Don’t take it personally. I’m sure your child will love you for it later. Also side note, reading to your children is among the best things you can do for them. Don’t worry, you’re doing great.” MainSeparate2964
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ! Mother of 3 here.
My husband had the same problem with the babies, they only wanted me at first for several months at least. This is normal biology for babies, being next to the mother means security in the wild. It will change! Mine are kids now and they regularly prefer him over me lol!
I also resented that he couldn’t take them for 1 whole night while I slept! But it’s neither of your faults. You’re right, your wife is in it too, and exhausted. You’re also right about the books, baby doesn’t know what you are saying. She knows your calming voice and that you are happy.
Compromise: keep reading the books and just skip the parts that your wife doesn’t approve of. Baby won’t know the difference if you go silent for half a sentence. It’s likely your wife will appreciate the longer breaks this gives her and with that, she may decide you had the right idea all along.
Hang in there y’all!! You are doing great!” kronkbonk
Another User Comments:
“INFO: what are the “inappropriate contents”? Reading to kids helps kids learn…so yes, they might pick up some stuff, as well as react to your emotions, though at her age she’s not going to repeat words.
You’re definitely NTJ solely for picking non-children’s books: it’s a great idea to try something you enjoy! And if she’s not crying, you’re probably not reading stuff that’s upsetting. But depending on what they say, you might be the jerk for the specific book choices: there are a lot of non-children’s books so you could simply choose something you like well enough that’s not “inappropriate” (using quotes because I have wildly varying guesses and some seem fine to me)/ Brief check says understanding starts around 8-12 months.
But of course complex concepts are hard to grasp, so if it’s just like…a reference to characters having an intimate relationship, or a history book that doesn’t use gruesome language, seems fine.” EliannaRys
3. AITJ For Throwing Away My Cat's Treat When He Didn't Do The Trick?
“This sounds so stupid but my partner made a huge deal over it and said she was “disturbed” by my “controlling behavior” and that “he is a cat why does it matter if he does the trick you want or not why would you waste the food”.
Our cat and I used to have a routine where he has to stand and touch the can of wet food before he gets it. I give him a tiny can of wet food as a treat. He is mostly fed dry food which he has enough of in his bowl.
Recently he has been weird and not doing the trick anymore but when I put the can down he runs to it so to me he wants the food but is being stubborn and lazy and refusing to stand up and touch the can. So this morning I decided if he doesn’t do the trick he doesn’t get the food and I threw it away in the trash.
My partner got all weird about it and said it was jerkish and weird and controlling and started implying I am the same way with her and my kids with this “my way or the highway” attitude and that I lack empathy. This is literally over me throwing the cat’s treat away.
He gets a treat for doing a trick if not, big deal. I told her I didn’t want to get lectured by her and went to work. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Throwing food when you can put it away for later just doesn’t make sense.
I think your partner is onto something, as someone who has trained their cat to do multiple tricks – this is not a trick. It’s just something your cat accidentally did a few times before eating. Research how to train a cat and you might find out that they do not work the same way dogs do.
The carrot and stick method does not apply. Cat gets a treat if you pull out the treat. Whether said cat performs is irrelevant. If he/she is not in the mood, you just don’t take out more treats and leave them be.” collegekit13
Another User Comments:
“YES YTJ! Yes, it’s wasteful and honestly stupid to waste the food like that, just throw some tin foil on the lid and stick it in the fridge if you really have to wait for the cat to do the trick. But why does the cat HAVE to do the trick for the treat?
You’re really going to tease the cat with an open can of wet food and then just throw it away? It’s a cat- it doesn’t understand why you did that. Also, maybe he’s getting old, and standing up hurts. He could be getting arthritis in his hips.
It happens. Just love the guy and give him his treat. He’s only going to be around for so long. Also, I think you should talk to your partner about what she said and really listen. This could be an “overreaction to this one event” but it could also be a “straw that broke the camel’s back” kind of thing that caused her to finally tell you how she’s feeling.
I think you should talk to her about it.” Imfightingsleep
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you even considered your cat might not be feeling well? If it normally does the trick but isn’t lately, it could be unwell and here you are teasing it with its comfort food and then pitching said food because it didn’t perform to your standards.
Also, your partner gives you a real-time example of how things have to be your way or the highway and you, not getting your way literally get on the highway (most likely) to go to work. From other comments, you say she says this a lot to you, so I agree with other commenters that this sounds like a straw that breaks the camel’s back and you are a soon-to-be country song… “she left and took the kids, car, and dog/cat in this case.”” throwaway4life85
2. AITJ For Pushing Through A Blocked Walkway And Causing A Child To Fall?
“I, 22F, and the other person, 26M, were trying to get somewhere quickly. There was a moving walkway. When we were on it there were people blocking the path. Throughout everyone moved to the side after I said excuse me. We got to a group that was blocking.
I said excuse me, no movement. I said it again louder thinking they had not heard me. I said it a few more times and they turned their heads to which I said it again loud enough for them to hear me. They ignored me.
I continued to move through them. I did not use my hands to roughly push them but I continued to walk through them. The guy got irritated with me and then because I kept walking he wound up veering to the side and pushed his child over.
Who fell due to the size of the guy and began to cry as he fell. I understand that my actions were what wound up causing the butterfly effect however I did say excuse me many times and was purposefully ignored. The person I was with thinks I am the jerk.
So we need to settle this discussion as we are at an impasse. Because I think it’s rude to block a walkway and ignore someone trying to get past after saying excuse me multiple times. Yet he thinks it was rude to not just wait until the end of it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In London, you stand on the right always the right and only ever the right. You will 100% be sent to the Tower if you block an escalator or moving walkway in the city and fun fact the last execution in London was a tourist who stood on the left and well off with his head!!!!” nick_shannon
Another User Comments:
“Girl what? You did all that to save 30 seconds? Everyone sucks here. While it’s rude for them to not have moved out of the way. Maybe they also felt you were rude barreling through the walkway. I’m not sure if there’s a language barrier or they had too many people/luggage in their party to move out your way easily but all you accomplished was saving 30 seconds to a minute tops and knocking over a kid.
It wasn’t that serious to make a scene for. Those walkways really don’t save you 15 minutes lol. Pick your battles.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, they probably should have moved a little but shouting excuse me multiple times, then pushing your way through a group of people is incredibly rude and inconsiderate.
An innocent got hurt in part because of you and it was completely avoidable had you just been patient. Personally, I wouldn’t have moved for you either. Those things make me nauseous but sometimes they’re unavoidable so I get on them and stand still and I’m not moving for anyone.” xoKaytea
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Force A Relationship Between Me And My Dad?
“I (28f) have a difficult relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was 8-ish, I’m honestly not too sure about the exact dates because they’ve been separated for pretty much my whole life. I do not have a single memory of my parents being in the same room together.
The divorce finally came around because he was two-timing her with the secretary (who was blonde and 20 years younger than him, just to complete the stereotype). Whilst he was having an affair, my mum was in a different country for work (which I don’t blame her for but she still has huge amounts of guilt over it), and my father used to leave me and my older brother either with a nanny, or sometimes home alone for a couple of hours.
So he didn’t do very much parenting.
During and after the divorce, he buggered off to a different country, where he proceeded to not pay child support, and only see us maybe once every 5 years, whilst he got married to the woman he was two-timing with and started parenting her two children (who are the same age as me, just to pour salt in the wound).
Basically, he’s the reason I have a million self-esteem and mental health issues, which are too numerous to go into here.
Despite this, my mum never badmouthed him. She encouraged us to have a good relationship with him, and I tried, I really did. But after decades of coming dead last in my father’s priorities, I had enough.
I replied to his emails cordially but stopped trying to seek out a relationship with him.
My parent’s relationship since the divorce has been up and down. During my childhood, they’d fight over the phone a lot, and my father would accuse Mum of lying to us about him to ruin our relationship (she didn’t, he did that himself).
In recent years they’ve gotten to the point where they’re polite to each other, and she sends him updates about us. Apparently, my mum has been telling him about me, and my father has expressed disappointment to her that I don’t talk to him anymore.
My mum keeps mentioning this to me, asking if I’ve talked to him recently, and how important it is that I keep a good relationship with him. She knows all about my issues with him, and the 15 years of therapy I’ve been through, and I told her that I’d talk to him on MY terms. This resulted in Mum telling me ‘could you talk to him for me?
It’d really mean a lot to me if you did.’
And that’s when I snapped. I told her that she has no say over my relationship with my father, she knows how badly his actions have messed me up and how I’m not going to prioritize someone who has never shown me any consideration.
She responded by hanging up on me, and the next time we talked she was fine at first, then it devolved into the same argument.
So lovely people of the internet, am I in the wrong?
If anyone has any better ways of dealing with this situation, I’d really appreciate it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m honestly surprised that your mother is so willing to try to fight on your dad’s behalf over this. My parents were divorced when I was very young, and like you, I have to think really hard to remember a time I saw them in the same room.
Your mother should respect your feelings and back off. I often feel incredibly guilty for basically estranging myself from my dad (I never even told him when I got married), but my mother backs me up because she knows how his behavior and lack of care hurt me and all the issues I have because of him.
You are not the jerk in any way.” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not at all. you’re right, this is your relationship with your father, not your mom’s. Just like it was up to her to continue to talk to him and give him updates on you and your brother instead of going no contact, it’s your decision to continue a relationship with him.
He has caused you a lot of mental stress it seems, and if you decide to let him back in at all, it should be on your terms and you aren’t ready. If it continues to devolve into a fight with your mom about this topic, you need to express to her that her pushing you to do something you aren’t ready to do is also putting a damper on your relationship.
Using “do it for me” is so emotionally manipulative, it’s literally putting you between a rock and a hard place; darned if you talk to your dad if you aren’t ready, darned if you don’t. You’re an adult and your mom should not be making this decision for you or even trying to.
I’m sorry this is happening and I wish you all the best!” dearmoonie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom is going a bit overboard in trying to encourage you to connect to him, you’re old enough to make that decision for yourself.
I think it is rooted in his false accusations that she engaged in parental alienation though. You’re definitely within your rights to tell her that she has no say in this whatsoever though. And you might want to put her on an info diet if she’s feeding all of it to him.
Anything you don’t want him to know, you should carefully consider whether or not you want to tell her. You may also want to warn her that she’s doing damage to her own relationship with you by trying to dictate what your relationship with your father should be.” jammy913
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