People Try To Accept Their Fate In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Not Preparing Kids For Ex's Family Events After Being Cut Off?
“My ex and I split in the winter of 2023. The whole year was rocky for us we were meant to get married. There was infidelity on my part and we called off the wedding 2 months before.
It was tough and things are still rocky from time to time but we are good friends and still spend most of our time together, we co-parent (3 kids, the youngest is theirs) together extremely well. We do lots of family activities on the weekends and regularly hang out together.
They have even been staying with us (myself and the kids) for the last month while their kitchen and bathroom are being repaired.
The problem comes with the Family. My ex’s family has completely cut me out. I haven’t spoken to or seen any of them since March.
I have been as polite and amicable as I can. The kids have still been invited to family suppers and birthday celebrations, whereas I have been told I am no longer welcome. I have never stopped the children from going I have explained it away to them ” I’m not going to go I’m going to stay and have my own time”, or “I’ve got a lot of cleaning to do”
I send gifts from the children, some of my ex’s siblings would send postcards to the kids and I would make sure the kids sent them back. I let the kids go out with the aunts and uncles when they plan things for them. In March ex had pre-arranged for their family to watch our youngest while we went to a concert that had been a Christmas gift for my ex from myself.
We had checked in with them a few times leading up to the date, we had booked a hotel room and then the day before the concert my ex got a message that their parents were on their way out of the city for the weekend and said they forgot, so I posted to social media in my frustration about the situation and asked friends for help, after that I was told I was no longer welcome.
Recently it was my ex’s father’s birthday and they were not going to make it home in time to attend but their parents still wanted the kids to attend and I was asked by my ex to drop the kids off. When I arrived no one spoke to me no one came to the door to greet anybody or to get the car seat from me.
I sent the kids in with gifts and just left.
My ex’s sister is getting married and I know that they are particular about what is worn to family events but no one has communicated anything to me about what the kids should wear and I am not invited to the wedding.
In the back of my mind, I know I should shop for them and make sure they are prepared but I also think that if they want nothing to do with me why should I be responsible for it if I’m not invited and no one is speaking with me?
AITJ if I do nothing as far as getting the kid’s wedding guest ready and WIBTJ if I started telling the older two that I’m not allowed to attend rather than saying I don’t want to go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, you don’t need to buy gifts for your family.
Your partner should now be doing everything between the kids and their families, buying gifts, verifying schedules, etc. If your ex-partner needs you to drop off the kids with their family, the family should greet you at the door, and talk to verify information/ schedules/ etc, especially if it’s on your custody time.
If the family won’t talk to you at all, you don’t need to do anything for or with them.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everything that you’re doing about dropping kids off, buying gifts, etc is now the responsibility of your ex. You should communicate this with them.
You shouldn’t have to be put in the position of being disrespected and should refuse to do this. Tell your ex about the expectations for the wedding and let them manage it. Don’t bring your children into the family drama though. They’ll click eventually but they don’t need to have to worry about grown-up problems.” Available-Bison-9222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and stop driving the kids to them. If they want the kids without you then they need to put the effort out, I would be petty and tell the kids that the in-laws will not allow you in, and then sit in the car outside and wait for them to be done (bring a book).
Stop making it so easy to disrespect you.” Vaaliindraa
17. AITJ For Not Buying My Autistic Cousin An Expensive Toothbrush?
‘My (F22) and my partner went to my aunt’s house last week (not unusual we don’t live far away)
My aunt and uncle have 5 kids, 2 of which are twins Arthur and James 14. In the bathroom, I accidentally knocked Arthur’s toothbrush off the side. It fell behind the cupboard under the sink. I said I’d buy him a new one because it touched the floor especially since it fell somewhere that wasn’t too clean.
My partner drove me, Arthur, James, and their sister Lola 12 to the shop. We headed straight to the toothbrushes where I let them choose a new toothbrush. Arthur and Lola chose theirs fairly quickly but James didn’t.
A little backstory on James. About 2 years ago he was diagnosed with autism, since then he’d say things like ‘It’s not my fault I’m autistic’ to get his way.
I know how hard it can be having autism, as my partner and brother have it, I know everyone is different and can affect people in different ways but James plays on this.
He started looking at the electric toothbrushes. He picked up one for £80 and asked if he could have it.
I explained that it was way out of my budget and he should pick one like his siblings have. He then started complaining. I looked at the cheapest one which was £25 and said I could buy it as an early birthday present if he wants it (his birthday is in November)
So as he wanted an electric one I said I’d get the one for £25 but he said he wanted the £80 one. I was definitely not going to spend £80. I said if he’s got the money I’m willing to put £20 towards it for his birthday.
He said he doesn’t. I said then he has to pick a cheaper toothbrush.
James phoned his dad. He also said there’s no way he’s getting £60 for a toothbrush. James started to cry about how his life was unfair and if he wasn’t autistic he’d be allowed to have the toothbrush.
I said it doesn’t work that way and he can see that because the others didn’t get an electric toothbrush.
When we got back home, James said things to his family that weren’t very nice. He got sent to his room but on the way up he looked at me and said ‘I hate you, go die’ This made me sad.
A few days later James texted me to say he was sorry and can I buy him the £25 toothbrush for his birthday. I told him honestly that I wanted to forgive him but he made me upset. He said he just had an autistic meltdown and didn’t mean it.
This is where I may be the jerk. I told him just cause he’s autistic it doesn’t mean he can always blame his behavior on this and he has to learn to control himself better and I will not be buying the toothbrush.
His dad told me I needed to buy it for him as I can’t go back on a promise. I never promised him anything. My aunt has said she understands if I don’t buy it but says I should get it to make James happy.
I said I’m not buying it and he could have something else for his birthday closer to the date.
He got upset and blocked me.’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but remember that they can’t make you buy anything. Don’t engage in any conversation on the toothbrush topic.
Those people are doing their child a disservice because not everyone is going to put up with his whining and sense of entitlement. One day he might tell off the wrong person and get his rear end beat.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Retired spec. Ed teacher here. His parents are allowing him to use his autism as an excuse. They need to get him to stop saying this. He’s very intelligent because what he is doing is manipulation. His using his autism as an excuse will do him more harm than good.
I would explain to him that everyone has obstacles to overcome or live with in life. Some have autism, dyslexia, dysgraphia, bipolar disorder, etc. Some people have diabetes, celiac disease, food allergies, or other health issues. They aren’t excuses, they’re obstacles. Autism is his obstacle and he has to learn how to deal with it.” Labradawgz90
Another User Comments:
“So you bumped one toothbrush and ended up replacing all three children’s toothbrushes? NTJ, you are right that he is leaning on his autism diagnosis to get his way. You were generous in offering to replace and offered options for him to get an electronic toothbrush, and he refused. Tough noogies kiddo, he can kick rocks.” Chewbecky12
16. AITJ For Allowing My Daughter To Invite Her Biological Mom To Her Sweet 16?
“My daughter’s sweet 16th birthday is this Thursday.
She told me several months ago that what she wants more than anything, is to see her family together, celebrating her big day. What a sweetheart, right!? Yesterday, she reiterated the same sentiment with some additional clarity: she wants to invite her bio-mom too. (B.M.) She said this to me with tears pooling up in her eyes.
Honestly, I didn’t even consider that she wanted B.M. there until she said it yesterday because, well, B.M. is a total jerk. She has not been in my daughter’s life since she was 3 years old; when she told her, “I never wanted to be a mother”, and left. Since then, she has let my daughter down so much.
It breaks my heart to think about how this and her absence in general have affected my daughter. B.M. has never offered any support to us or thanked me for raising her. She just calls once or twice a year and then showers my daughter with gifts, in an attempt to buy her love and ease her guilt.
But my daughter has seen right through this crap for most of her teen years. She still loves her BM and I will never keep her from talking to her BM when she wants to.
There is so much more I won’t get into regarding B.M.
Just know that my daughter has learned over time that she can not rely on her or expect her to follow through with any promises she makes. We are doing just fine without her, thank you very much.
When she said she wanted her BM to be at her party, I thought about it and decided I could put my feelings aside and give her this birthday wish.
We both know the chances her mom will show up are about 5% and my daughter said she doesn’t care. She wants to invite her anyway.
So I told her it should be OK but let me talk to my partner, who has been more of a mother figure than BM for the time we’ve been together.
I have to give her credit for that before going any further.
It hasn’t been all roses, though. My partner is stubborn and can be downright cold, especially towards my daughter. So I ran it by her and wow, I wasn’t expecting her response. She is telling me that I’m “choosing bio mom over her” and refuses now to participate in any way with my daughter’s birthday.
This especially sucks because I need her help with the surprise we have planned for my daughter and now I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s no reason my partner and I can’t be in the same room as BM for a half hour so my daughter gets her 1 birthday wish.
BM will likely not show up so why is my partner being this way? Her last text to me was, “I don’t want anything to do with your spoiled brat daughter anymore, so leave me out of it!”
I want to be clear- I have so many reasons to hate BM and I never, ever wanted her to be at my daughter’s party.
But this is my daughter’s wish and I think I can put aside my feelings toward her to let my daughter have her wish. After all, she only turns 16 once.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You mention that your partner can be “downright cold” to your daughter, and also that her biological mother is inconsistent and hardly has been in her life, except for some gifts.
Your daughter wants a female figure that is more than what you are giving her in her life–she didn’t ask for material gifts–She wants a mom!!! Talk to your daughter–I mean talk to her by actively listening to her. When you said she asked for her BM to be there, but knowing she may not show up, what is it she truly wants?
I’d be willing to bet her answer would be along the lines of a caring mother she can rely on. Which you haven’t provided.” MarigoldMouna
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for allowing some woman to treat your daughter like she does. Also, your partner should never have any input in this regardless of how long she’s been around.
You already say she can be downright cold, especially to your daughter! Why would you be with someone who would ever treat your child badly? Ever? A woman who calls your child a spoiled brat? Your child should come first in all aspects until she is a grown adult living on her own.
Find a friend to help you surprise your daughter and get rid of the horrible partner. NTJ for inviting BM as this is what your child wants.” Krishnacat7854
15. AITJ For Refusing To Change Therapists After My Dad Disagreed With Their Advice About Our Stepfamily?
“I’m (15m) in therapy with my dad (43). We started going back in April and it’s been okay, I guess. I got some stuff off my chest and Dad did too. We made some progress but my dad isn’t liking the progress and he doesn’t like the therapist anymore.
The reason we’re in therapy is our stepfamily. Dad doesn’t like how I handled becoming one and he doesn’t like that I’m not open to being a more TV-style perfect family. Kinda like Hallmark. He wants us to be like we’re a regular bio family and he doesn’t like that it’s different for me and that I treat his wife like a family member but not a parent or that I don’t see my step and half-siblings as just siblings but I see them as steps and halves.
And after 5 years of him being married, he wanted to fix stuff.
The reasons for therapy: 1) The fact I won’t invite his wife to do Mother’s Day things with me and the fact I try to get out of celebrating with her on Mother’s Day every year.
I know she’s a mom. But she’s not mine. I’m a member of the dead mom’s club so for me Mother’s Day is weird but also I don’t like the idea of celebrating his wife like she’s my mom. 2) That if I’m asked to write in my parent’s names I’ll typically only write his.
If it’s for something where it’s not about contacting someone I’ll put him and Mom down. 3) I don’t go to his wife for stuff the way I will for him. I’ll spend time with her without complaining and I will help her out if she asks.
But if I want a parent’s advice or whatever I go to him and never her. 4) I don’t ever just say my step and half-siblings are my siblings. I’ll tell people I have step and half-siblings. 5) I’m not super close to my step and half-siblings.
We get along fine. But he said I used to want a sibling when I was younger and now I have them and don’t do the stuff I used to say I would. 6) I didn’t want a photo of the stepfamily added to the last page of my “childhood years” book that I got when I turned 18.
Dad said in therapy he wants and feels it’s best if I accept the stepfamily as just family and let his wife be another parent in my life. Not just a family member. The therapist has told him that it’s okay to want things to be a certain way but he has to understand he can’t force it.
She asked me if there were any compromises I’d be willing to make. I said I wouldn’t complain about Mother’s Day if I just joined them for breakfast and was then excused. My dad has disliked being told he can want but can’t force something.
He pushes back on the therapist a lot with that and refuses solo sessions. Now he told me he feels we should find a better therapist. I don’t want that and I told him. I said he doesn’t get to find someone who’ll just agree with everything he says.
He told me we can’t fix things with this therapist. I told him I wouldn’t talk anymore if he changed therapists. He told me therapy only works if we try. I said I know. He told me to be less petulant about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as a therapist, it can be really hard to get children and teens to fully participate in family sessions. It sounds like you’re willing to participate in this process and consider compromises, which is great. It’s important for all parties involved to have confidence in the chosen therapist, but it’s also important to realize that “therapist shopping” to get someone to agree with one point of view is counterproductive.
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. Any good therapist is going to say the same thing as your current one. The more your dad forces this, the less willing any child or teen would be willing to accept the step-parent and family.
It doesn’t sound like you are acting out or being disrespectful at all. It sounds like you are 15, had a mom (sorry for your loss, that sucks), and are respectful of the role of your dad’s wife. My mom used to do things like this.
She would get a “mind movie” and if the reality of me didn’t live up to her mind movie, she would be so disappointed. Your dad is going to have to get over this. NTJ” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He’s the one being petulant.
He is trying to use therapy to force you to do what he wants. That’s it. You won’t (and shouldn’t have to) and so he wants to do exactly what you say, find a therapist who will agree with him and him alone.
He has two choices: 1. Accept that this is how you feel and he can’t change that 2. Make the situation worse by trying to force you to change Either way he’s not going to get the outcome he wants and he is a fool if he keeps trying to force it to happen. ” Dschingis_Khaaaaan
14. AITJ For Sharing My Struggles With ADHD And My Family's Lack Of Support?
“I’m (16m) the youngest of the family and I also have ADHD. Pretty bad ADHD too. Didn’t get diagnosed until I was 11 though because my parents don’t like diagnoses like that. They don’t believe in them. They also believe you just need to punish the inattentive hyperactive behavior of kids like me.
My siblings are 3-9 years older than me. None of them have any mental or behavioral health issues. They’re like our parents for not being understanding too.
When I was younger I was in a horrible place. I couldn’t be still. I couldn’t focus on anything.
I could not keep track of time or things at all. No matter how hard I tried I was always failing or making people mad. And my family was the worst of all.
When I was 5 I got left behind at home while my parents went to the Christmas Fair.
They didn’t realize for an hour and came back. I’d moved around so much instead of going to the car because I was struggling to stay still or focused on the task. I was grounded for a week and had everything taken off of me.
I ended up tearing up my room and got punished for a month with nothing and in that time I ended up so jittery and struggling. My parents just yelled at me and my siblings mocked me and yelled too for being weird.
Every time I got a report card my parents would bring my siblings ramen (my favorite food) and make me watch everyone but I got some as a punishment for my bad grades.
One time I was running around the yard like crazy because I was so hyper. I was maybe 7. Two of my sisters called me a derogatory term and told me to go away instead of making their friends see that.
The derogatory term was used a lot toward me by my siblings.
My parents and siblings always said I’d never amount to anything and I was destined for prison or homelessness. My parents told me I couldn’t even get good grades in kindergarten.
My parents ignored many requests from the school to look into why I struggled. It took until this amazing teacher when I was 11, who annoyed my parents so much they gave in and got me evaluated. ADHD diagnosis happened immediately.
I was one of the worst cases. They said no to meds. Had to talk to a hospital social worker and change their minds. The initial meds process was rough and they were harsh to me even then. Saying meds couldn’t even fix me. I still talk to that teacher!
She’s amazing. My favorite teacher in the world. Love her!
I’ve been back to in-person school for two years and my grades have improved a lot because of a program my school runs. I’m now getting Bs and Cs instead of D- and Fs. My best friend’s family took me out to celebrate and during that, we talked about my family and I told them everything.
None of them expected it to be that bad. Maybe a little unsupportive but not to that level. They shamed my parents for it afterward and my parents were furious that I talked about it. They said I went out of my way to embarrass the whole family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Tough cookies for your parents. They are just mad that 1) you dared to tell someone and 2) they had to hear how they were in the wrong. I love it when parents get schooled like that. Start planning now for an escape plan once you turn 18 so you can go to NC. Don’t tell them either… no doubt they will assume you won’t be able to do it. Imagine the satisfaction when you’re free of them and won’t have to listen to their BS anymore.
And it’ll even be better because you did it despite them. ” Great-Broccoli41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and for what it’s worth – I am proud of you. You had everything stacked against you and still managed to get ahead. Kudos to your teacher, too. And to your friend’s family. Your family is embarrassed because they know they were being abusive jerks.
Well, the truth sucks. Is there anyone in your extended family that can support you? Or maybe your friend’s family could continue to give you advice. Plan for your future and get out of there as soon as you can. Good luck” GSD_enthusiast
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely not the jerk here. It sounds like you’ve had a tough journey, and sharing your experiences is valid. If anything, it’s your family’s behavior that’s embarrassing. They should be ashamed for how they treated you, not you for speaking your truth. Celebrate those Bs and Cs, and keep shining!
Your teacher sounds like a rock star too. Keep surrounding yourself with supportive people who lift you up instead of dragging you down.” Accurate_Steak_4722
13. AITJ For Spending One-On-One Time With My Daughter While My Husband Prefers Our Son?
“I (41f) have two children, Layla (17f) and Jacob (15m). I want to clarify that I love them both equally and have always tried to ensure that none of my children felt like I had a favorite child.
On the other hand, my husband (43m) prefers our son.
He was pleased to have a daughter, and a great dad to her, but it’s clear that he gets along with Jacob more, mainly because they’re both boys and enjoy the same things. They both love football and baseball and often go see a match together, spend the weekend playing, or talk about it together, etc. This became more important when Jacob got older and started getting into sports more.
I get that it’s easier for my husband to talk to our son about things they both love, but it’s been making me sad to see our daughter excluded from their conversations or activities together.
My husband doesn’t do a lot of things with Layla.
They sometimes watch movies together, but most of the time it’s either my husband and Jacob doing something just the two of them, or the four of us together. For that reason, I recently decided to start doing things with my daughter, just the two of us.
These past 2-3 months we’ve gone to the movies, to the mall, had a girl’s night, went to a bowling alley, and many more things. I can see that it makes my daughter happy, so I thought it was a great thing.
My husband never complained about it, mainly because we mostly did this when the boys were doing something together.
A week ago there was an open-air projection of Tangled, which has been Layla’s favorite movie since she was maybe 6 or 7, and I had planned on going for weeks. The problem is, my husband found out 4 days prior that he had to go away for work that same night.
He asked me to stay home and said that we could just watch another movie together the three of us. I said no because this night was important to me and my daughter, and our son also said that he was completely fine staying home alone, and would play video games with his friends.
My husband didn’t say anything but I could tell it bothered him.
When he came back from his work trip, he got really mad at me and told me he “didn’t believe we went and excluded Jacob” and that I was “playing favorites” because I decided to have a night with only Layla.
I told him about how he always spent time with Jacob and asked if he really couldn’t tell how Layla was hurt by that. He said that I was being ridiculous and that it wasn’t his fault Layla didn’t share any of his interests. I told him that it was his role as a parent to try to connect with his child and he yelled at me telling me not to give him parenting lessons when I was a bad mother.
He has barely been talking to me since then and is very cold/dry. I get his point because I always promised myself never to treat my children differently, but at the same time seeing how happy it made my daughter I’m not sure I made the wrong choice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not even about playing favorites, even if you do everything equally, you’re still supposed to have individual relationships with both kids. I’d ask him not to do anything with Jacob anymore unless Layla is doing something equal to their activity from now on.
See if he catches up.” Ok_Homework_7621
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man had the nerve to call you a bad parent when all you are trying to do is make up for his shortcomings as a parent. Oh, the audacity. He’s projecting his favoritism onto you.
He expected you to center your son because he was out of town and could not. Fathers bond with all of their children, not just the ones that “share common interests.” How hard is it to take your daughter to lunch or dinner occasionally to talk?
How hard is it to take her to a movie for some father-daughter time? He dumps a very unfair burden on you. Now you have to manage compensating for his treatment of your daughter while still maintaining a good relationship with your son. You are correct in your assessment, this man needs parenting lessons.
He also needs “basic human” lessons as he chose to attack you to deflect any blame.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“You can tell you are NTJ because his argument keeps shifting. You’re excluding Jacob by doing one thing he isn’t involved in, but in his case, he’s justified because Layla doesn’t “share his interests.” (Was Jacob interested in seeing Tangled?) You do one time what he does repeatedly and you’re a “bad mother” but his behavior isn’t his fault.
This is a case of a hit dog hollering. Your children are different people and have different personalities. It’s not really in anyone’s interests to treat them the same, especially as they get older and the things they like diverge. The only thing I’d suggest is that you occasionally do things one-on-one with Jacob too.
Build the connection with both of them on your own, and not just hang with Layla because her dad is being a jerk to her. You have a relationship with both your kids that is more than just trying to make up for your husband’s deficiencies.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
12. AITJ For Making My Entitled Daughter Work In Our Store After She Insulted A Classmate?
“I am 42 and I am making good money by owning some local stores, so I decided to give my child good pocket money (50 dollars per week). As an only child, she spends a lot of time with her friends so I wanted her to have enough money for things like cinema.
My wife and I wanted another child but due to problems during pregnancy, we couldn’t.
I thought that we were doing a good job raising her. When she is around us she is an angel and we hear from everyone how well-raised she is. She is 15.
Last Tuesday, I was sitting on the terrace and enjoying my lunch when I saw her coming with a boy and a girl from her class. I know that she was supposed to do some project for school with random classmates picked by the teacher so I wasn’t surprised that I never saw them before.
I got back to my lunch but then I heard my daughter telling the girl not to touch anything because she was too filthy. I sat there frozen and shocked. The boy told my daughter to stop, grab the papers, and go (to the library), but she didn’t stop and kept making comments about her being too broke and made fun of her for already having a job for broke people.
I regret not doing anything at that time but I was just stunned. When I finally got myself to come down they were already on the driveway leaving and to be honest I needed to calm down because I was angry, disappointed, and sad. My wife came home and I told her immediately and she was as disappointed as me.
She started to blame herself for not giving her the correct values.
We thought about it realizing that it was our mistake and responsibility. We decided that she needed some type of reality check for her good. My wife is working in one of the shops I own (she wants to and she is very social so it’s like her dream job).
We decided that she would stop getting pocket money and would start working with my wife after school.
When she came home we gave her a talk about being rude and about not everybody being blessed with money. We made sure she apologized to the girl from school.
She started to come to the store right after school. She has been working only for three days and is already done and pleading with us for everything to go back to normal but we are convinced that this is what she needs.
Today my parents came for lunch and when my daughter complained about working in the store and not getting pocket money they started to insult us for having money but being selfish and cruel to our daughter.
We explained what happened and that we wanted to make sure she would realize that money doesn’t grow on trees. They didn’t take it well and said that she just said facts by insulting her classmate. We just sent them home and we decided to stop financially supporting them after being too ignorant and thinking that insulting someone because of money is just stating facts.
I am 100% sure that what we are doing is right but still, I would like to hear someone else’s opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your spouse are ENTIRELY correct by imposing NEEDED consequences for these entitled and insulting attitudes. The method of doing so is fitting and connected to the actual problem.
This is important for your daughter to learn this lesson. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. Thankfully, you grew up to be a good and decent person in this regard. Unless they changed their perceptions since raising you, you became this way on your own or with good guidance from others instead.
You are doing the right thing.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk here. Good for you for doing all you can to educate your daughter on how to treat people with respect. This is sadly lacking in American culture right now because so many parents aren’t parenting – they just let the cell phone parent their child.
I applaud you for trying to teach her morals, for setting consequences for her bad behavior, and for showing her the value of hard work. This, more than any amount of money, will enrich her in her life.” Turbulent-Storm4137
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Emotionally Manipulative Mom To Live With My Wife And Me?
“I live in India, where living with your parents even after you’re 18 is very common. Here, the marriage culture is that the parents look for a spouse for their child, without them having much say in it. Then the wife goes to live with her husband and his family.
Both of these cultures have declined in the past few decades though. All of this will be important later on.
My mom has always been on the clingier side. She was very sheltered since childhood. She was also reluctant to leave her parents after marriage as she was very attached to them.
My parents later moved away from my dad’s family because my dad had a transfer. They didn’t have the best marriage. My dad has somewhat of a superiority complex and anger issues, and my mom always let him have his way because she didn’t want any conflicts.
My dad had the final say in anything concerning me or my mom. This always led to a lot of conflicts in the family because, unlike my mom, I didn’t take my dad’s nonsense positively.
I grew up very sheltered too, this especially affected me in my teens, as they never let me go out with friends till I was around 16-17, and even then I had restrictions on where and with whom I could go my mom following and stalking me almost everywhere I went with friends.
My wife and I are high-school sweethearts and got married a year ago. I didn’t want my mom to find out for obvious reasons. Romance, especially in teens is considered highly taboo in India. When my mom found out, her reason for not being too fond of her wasn’t because it was considered taboo, but because both of us (me and my wife) felt that she saw my wife as an opponent.
This attitude didn’t change during our marriage. She never outright said anything to us, but we could always feel it. My mom’s attitude towards me always felt like borderline emotional mistreatment.
My wife was very clear with me that she didn’t want my mom living in the same house as us.
Neither did I. My mom heavily opposed the idea, but my dad didn’t let her move in with us because he didn’t want her to third-wheel us and as I’ve mentioned above, my mom always listens to my dad.
Now back to the present issue:
My dad’s death hit all of us very hard, especially my mom. My wife decided to let her live with us till we got her a flat close to ours because my mom wouldn’t be able to live completely alone. My mom is aware of this and is constantly emotionally blackmailing me to let her live with me.
She thinks I’m being heartless because when my grandfather passed away, my grandma lived with me and my parents and my parents had no problem and she doesn’t get that we want privacy as a couple. This is where I brought up that she and my dad had an arranged marriage which is not the kind of marriage me and my wife have, and we need our privacy.
Her guilt-tripping and emotional blackmailing aren’t stopping, but I and my wife are adamant about not letting her live with us. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know that people process grief differently, but using your father’s death to emotionally blackmail you and your wife isn’t okay.
It’s great that your parents let your grandmother live with you guys when your grandpa passed, but that was their choice. You aren’t obligated to do the same for her. She needs to respect you and your wife’s boundaries” YouCouldUseSomeHelp.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mom will bring her outdated expectations into your home and expect you to cater to them.
This sort of drama cannot be allowed as you know there will be conflict galore between her and wife. Besides, her traditions are not yours and at some point, they have to change to match current mores. What better time to start a new tradition of moms not living with their kids than now?
Break the cycle. Mom gets her apartment and only visits when you want her to.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can feel sympathy for her, love her, and understand her problems. It doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever she wants. It’s important to have independence (even emotionally).
You need to make this clear to her and I am sure you’ve already had several talks about this. Try to explain this as a “it’s not us against you, it’s us and it’s you and we can work together on having ‘us’ or a healthy dynamic”.
As we say, guests are like fish. After three days you notice a smell.” Ill-Produce6696
10. AITJ For Quitting My MIL's House Renovation After Unequal Family Contribution?
“My MIL (62) lived in a very small house, she raised 3 kids there on her own (with the help of her parents), 2 daughters, and a son (middle).
I married the oldest, we have 2 kids and we live about 2h/2h30 hours away from my MIL, my wife (41) works in healthcare and has a nice salary, and I work in construction, and during our time together we gathered a few buildings that we rent.
So, it’s time my MIL left that small house (like 400 sq ft), we tried to motivate her to move out, help her with house hunting, find a house, helped her get a loan, her salary was enough for a loan, but due to her age, all her kids needed to sign the loan, no problem.
No one gave them any money, just support (her salary and savings were enough to buy a better house but she was afraid if one kid needed her, I don’t know…)
My MIL’s new house is better, bigger, and nicer… but the house is old, and needs some repairs… since I work in construction I was summoned to help… ok fine… but I need all her kids to help…
I started with projects, kitchen and bathroom design, water, sewage, and electricity… she hired a builder to do some of the work because I could only go there on the weekends. The builder followed my plans and did everything nice. During the weekends I went there and worked on that house, work that can be done on Sundays, like electricity, the floor, sanding, and varnish.
After 7 or 8 weekends of my wife working on that house every weekend (my wife was always with me), I started noticing that my SIL (39) never shows up to work, my BIL(40) was inconsistent (one weekend appeared, the next has a job to do, then goes again, then there is a family event that he must go… inconsistent, but when he appears he works very hard) and is only my part of the family that suffers, I’m working 7 days a week, without time for my kids (during the weekend they stayed with my MIL), to go out with my wife.
Next weekend everybody is going to help. Ok, great.
My BIL has been there since 8 am, and my wife is also there. Great. We are all working hard, following my lead, in a tense environment, because I’m not a soft person during work … but my SIL is nowhere to be found.
Around 11 am my SIL finally appears, with coffee in one hand… and I start telling her what to do, there’s this to do, this and this… she, my SIL, yells at me that I’m not the boss of her…
Then and there something snapped… she was right… and I told her that I was never going work in this house ever again… and that’s it… she cried…
my wife cried… everybody cried… like an REM song… AITJ?
I told my wife that this was my final word but she could come to help her mother, and I would also come but I would stay with the kids, no worries…
Almost half a year later there’s still work to be done in my MIL’s new house, we have family reunions there, but there are still outlets with wires exposed, etc…
but it’s fine…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I don’t understand why a house that was big enough for her to raise 3 children in, is suddenly unsuitable for a single person. If the agreement was for everyone to pitch in equally and you are doing most of the work, it seems fair to step aside until the others have caught up on the time investment.
It may also be a good idea to limit yourself to 1-2 weekends per month and only if the others are going to show up at the same time with a list of tasks they are capable of completing” minimalist_coach
Another User Comments:
“So you gave thousands of dollars in skilled labor to this project at the expense of your own time off and time with your kids, started it with the assumption that her actual kids were all-in to help but did so – at best – sporadically, then after a couple of months of this your SIL provides the last straw by showing up late and copping an attitude when handed out a work assignment and you decided enough was enough.
Do I have that right? NTJ. Not even close, not even a little.” Hiply
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I would prefer to work alone and do the things that could be a safety issue and leave the rest for them to pay someone to do.
That’s just me though. If I felt mistreated or disrespected I wouldn’t want to help either. Free labor is not fair if others are around and capable of helping their mother and getting snappy at you directing them. NTJ let them deal with their mother’s house if they’re not helping.” enbybunnybuns
9. AITJ For Giving My Partner A House Key To Care For My Cat?
“I’m in college living in a house with other roommates: Anna, Beth, Callie, Darla, and Emma. Callie and I were roommates in the dorms and were close. All of us have been very close friends for the past 3 years.
However, things started falling apart when I moved in. Callie pulled me aside and told me that Emma was talking about me behind my back while she was studying abroad. I also kept getting hit with small passive-aggressive messages from Callie, which she had never done before.
In the summer, everyone left to go back home except Anna, who agreed to take care of my cat since she was staying in town.
We had this cat because she used to be with my parents, but in recent years one of the other cats bullied her, making her anxious and need special care.
I brought up the idea of having her with us during the school year and we were all on board. I took care of all the deposits and fees with our landlord (they never needed to pay), and she lived with us. My friend Jake would also stay over a lot, which was okay with everyone.
Because he was so close to her, I asked him if he could take care of her over the summer when Anna wasn’t there. I ran this by everyone and they were all cool with the arrangement, especially Anna, so I gave Jake my house key.
One day, he was going into the house, and Beth saw he had a key and told Callie. She then angrily messaged me, saying I went behind their backs and that I was a horrible friend. She said while it’s “not personal,” she felt very uncomfortable with Jake having a key to the house.
I reminded her that she’s known my friend for over a year from when we lived together before, and he’s been nothing but considerate when he’s over, so how is it not personal? I also reminded her the only reason he had my key was to take care of the cat.
Jake reached out to Callie to ask why she didn’t trust him. She kept avoiding the question by saying “It isn’t personal,” and it got heated from there. Callie later said she was being attacked by Jake, which confused me because she started this whole thing by name-calling before we even had a chance to talk.
Jake also showed me their conversation, and it didn’t seem like there was anything aggressive about it. Callie’s new friend also decided to involve himself and sent Jake to mean things about me, like “If she can’t take care of a cat she shouldn’t have one.” I’m not sure why he felt the need to do this when I had talked to him very little.
In the end, Callie and I both expressed disappointment in each other’s friends, and we left it at that.
Later, I sent a group text to solve the issue, and we had a vote to see what we wanted to do. During this, everyone was given time and space to air their thoughts and concerns, yet Callie didn’t say any of what she told me.
She just agreed with what the roommates said. We all decided he could keep the key until my family picked up the cat. Callie has not talked to me since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ran it by them and they all agreed. I don’t understand why she then had an issue with what she agreed to later on.
She already lost points for talking negatively instead of bringing up any real issues with you and remained passive-aggressive the rest of the time as well.” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“Need more information: did you get all of your roommates onboard with your friend having access to the apartment specifically?
And was he there when they were okay with it? If it was just texted in a group chat and one person approved, that wouldn’t count.” this_platform_sucks
8. AITJ For Moving Out After My Mother Asked For Rent?
“I (20m) was living with my mother, stepfather, twin brothers, and 3 sisters aged 6-13.
My stepfather is a truck driver and never home, my mother also works so she often arrives home later than I did from University, so it was my job to make sure that the kids had dinner and she asked me to help her a lot with chores.
It was fine before University, but this last year (My first in uni) I felt that it was too much as this is not high school.
During the summer break, I got a part-time job in the same place where I did my internship in the spring, but with school starting again there will be very few hours and they pay me an hourly wage and extra for finishing tasks.
As it is work from home job, I could do it any time I have free time, but with 5 smaller siblings and school, there is not much free time at all.
At the end of August my mother suddenly told me, that as I work now, I should pay rent!
300€ per month! And I replied, “It’s more than half of what I will make when school starts!” She just replied: “Well, adults either pay rent or move out!”
I had an idea, I posted in a social media group for the district where the University is, that I was looking for rooms to rent for cheap and could even offer help with kids – all I want is a private room, I can buy my food.
(I couldn’t afford even a stereo in the area)
I got a reply from a Single mother “Rachel” who told me she had a deal for me and wanted to meet first to get to know me. She told me that she had a 2-bedroom apartment, but could move herself into the living room and give me the bedroom, she was offered a way better job, but it is not 9-5 and she has 7-year-old “Emma” who just started school.
I took it! I have to take care of her when she works, I pay no rent and don’t even have to buy food, as a babysitter would be way more expensive for her. Meanwhile – babysitting a well-raised 7-year-old is very easy.
I have been living there from the start of school in 2.
September and I love it! On the days “Rachel” works I walk with “Emma” to her school on my way to University and back after, cook us something to eat, and usually, her mother arrives when it is bedtime.
When she has the night shift, it is even easier – bath-teeth-bed, and morning is no different than other days.
On Saturday I took her to a huge park/playground near the University and we allowed her to help with cooking the lunch.
On Sunday I had a “day off” and visited my “real home” and my mother was so upset, 13-year-old twins are terrible at home chores, and told me that I let her down!
She told me that I act like a self-centered jerk and now pretend to be a kid in a different family.
I love my mother and siblings, I will visit home at weekends when I have time, but I will not go back to living there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Tell your mom to put her on advertisement up. Tell her to put up an ad for the same deal she offered you and see how many takers she gets. She’ll see what nasty piece of work she was being.
My first year after college, I lived with my parents trying to save money. I paid rent for a room. I also: mowed a 4-acre lawn, cooked, cleaned a large house, did laundry, helped my dad work on his cars, and painted. My parents told me I didn’t do enough.
(But didn’t say it nicely.) I was in the process of moving out they just didn’t know. So, I got my stuff and stayed at a friend’s until my condo was ready. Three weeks later, I went to pick up something at my parents’ house one of my brothers was mowing the lawn, another was working on a car, another was chopping wood, and 2 of my sisters were cooking and cleaning.
All the things that I did by myself.” Labradawgz90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would ask Mom what makes you selfish – she told you to pay rent or move out and you did what she asked. Don’t fight or raise your voice, when she says she didn’t mean for you to move out, ask how you would know that, everything she says follows up with a question.
If your mom starts yelling tell her you’ve got to go – and leave. Repeat as needed. Being an adult also means you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- she got greedy and you took her up on her offer to move out.
She let you down by forcing you to be the third parent in the house. She let you down by not mothering the children she decided to have. You’re saving money while doing an easier job while in Uni- great choices all around! Remember it’s a choice to visit, and if she’s going to make you miserable or insult you, you don’t have to stay.
This is 100% on her and her husband.” Willing-Anteater-795
7. AITJ For Confronting My Spoiled Stepson And Ending My Engagement?
“I (45M) live with my fiancee (43F) our 2 daughters and stepson (12M). Ever since her son has reached puberty he has become difficult to manage. His attitude is appalling and he talks to people like dirt. He has no respect for others. My partner treats him like he’s a celebrity.
He was excused from school for a day because he told a teacher to go away in a very rude manner. He is spoiled rotten by his grandparents. He has 2 electric bikes, a motorbike he was given for Christmas, a PS5, mobile phones, ipads, and funds in an account that he uses at will.
You name it, he has it. He’s allowed out whenever and has a late curfew. No real bedtime to speak of and when he does, he’ll be on his phone until all hours. My partner works part-time and I work full-time. I try and pick up a bit of overtime here and there but it’s difficult.
I probably pay 60% of household bills. He goes to soccer practice and is driven and picked up. Gets everything he wants. However, the way he talks to people angers me.
I’m from the UK and he’s what you would call a “chav”. However, my partner thinks he’s wonderful.
He does absolutely nothing to help around the house. A few years ago I asked my partner (which she agreed to) that he would do the dishwasher and recycling. To date, he’s maybe done the dishwasher once, and the recycling a handful of times (these are daily chores).
We had a massive blowout a few weeks ago because I repeatedly asked him to clean up after himself and his friends. He did a bad job and I told him to do it again, which he still left loads of rubbish lying around, so I said “That’s it, you’re not going back out with your friends”.
It resulted in him telling me to go away in a very rude manner and he wished I was dead, he pushed past me. I had to restrain him and throw him upstairs to stop him from leaving. After my partner came home we chatted and sorted it out, with an agreement he’d be better and that he’d start doing those chores we agreed to years prior.
He did none of that.
Again this morning he’s telling my daughter (7F) to stop licking the chocolate spread off her toast it’s disgusting. I told him to ignore her and not look at her. He rudely told me “I wasn’t talking to you”. I took his plate of toast away and told him to leave.
This resulted in him telling me to go away in a very rude manner and that I’m a jerk and he wishes I was dead. My partner came out of the toilet and started yelling at me. It resulted in a horrendous argument. She’s given me back the engagement ring and said we’re done.
I’ve argued that she treats him like he’s the second coming of the messiah and she worships the ground he walks on. There’s no discipline, no rules, no boundaries, and no enforcement of chores, so when I enforce them (or try to) I’m a jerk and told to go away, etc. Now admittedly I used some choice words after he told me to go away, but I won’t be spoken to like that by anyone, let alone a 12-year-old child yet my partner cannot see what he’s becoming.
He’s entitled and spoiled. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Break it off with her, and take her to court to get custody of your kids or at least 50/50. Tell the stepson he won by driving you off, and he can probably do it to the next guy, too.
Now his bad behavior isn’t your problem, and when his mom realizes the little brat is driving any decent man away she might try to do something, but it will be too late and hopefully destroy any relationship between the two when he becomes an adult.” ArchLith
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but these other adults in this kid’s life are massively overcompensating – is it because the kid’s real father is a deadbeat? I guess you need to decide whether you stay and hash out the parenting rules or call it a day.
I imagine you’re going to want parenting rules that apply to your daughters as well so maybe sit down and discuss it in that context as then it’s more about equitable parenting than just treating this boy like he’s God’s gift.” me_version_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what it sounds like, the mother doesn’t want to have to put her foot down on anything. He’s from a previous relationship, so clearly to her, you hold zero control, even though she wants you to raise him. Coddling never does a child any good.
The fact she was willing to return her ring to you and end the relationship because you expect them to live up to their half of the agreement, is a big, flashing sign for you. She was never going to parent him effectively and she expects you and your daughters to bend over backwards for him.
She and her son will never do that for you. Also? He calls you a slur and says he wants you to die, and the mother defends him. She and her son are setting a terrible example for the girls and disrespecting you like mad.
Unless they are willing to sit down, apologize, reflect on their actions, and start doing what they said they’d do, I don’t see the point in trying to reconcile. Parents can be effective parents separated if being together is going to be contentious.” User
6. AITJ For Adding A Safety Script To Ensure Payment From A Freelance Client?
“I’m a DevOps Engineer with a steady job, but I also do some freelance work on the side. Around the end of July this year, I took on a project for a client in the UK. The job was to optimize around 150 Jenkins automation jobs that were, honestly, a bit of a mess.
We agreed it would take about 20 hours over a week, and I’d charge £100 per hour. But then the client asked if I could get it done in just 3 days. I said sure, but for that kind of rush, it would be double the rate — £200 per hour.
They agreed.
To get this done quickly, I set up a Jenkins instance on my end and linked it to their server, which they were fine with. I made all the changes on my side, then copied the updated config files over to their machine.
It was faster this way, but it also meant that how the changes were made wouldn’t show up in their Jenkins job configuration history.
Now, because I’ve had issues with payments before (and reading too many posts about unruly clients), I included a script in their server that would reverse all my work if things went south.
The script would only run if my user ID wasn’t found on their system, which would only happen if they removed my access. I figured if they kicked me out silently without paying, they were probably planning to keep all my work for free.
So, this script was my way of protecting myself. It was supposed to run on the Summer Bank Holiday (August 26). If I had access, I would just modify it to go off on a later date or remove the script altogether if payment was completed without a hitch.
I finished the job by August 2nd, and the project was set to start in September. The client asked me to train their team, but I’m in India, and with the time difference and my full-time job, it just wasn’t feasible. Instead, I offered to make a training video, charged at my original rate of £100 per hour.
It took about 2 weeks to make an 8 hour long video, and I sent it to them on August 17th. So far, they have only paid an initial booking fee of £800.
Then things got weird. The client, who had agreed to pay double for the rush job, suddenly decided they only wanted to pay the original £100 per hour for the whole thing.
Their reasoning? They said they just mentioned the higher rate to “motivate” me to finish faster, and since I didn’t do twice the work, they felt I didn’t deserve twice the money. We went back and forth on this until the end of August, but neither of us budged.
August 26th rolled around, and that’s when the script kicked in. Turns out, they had removed my access, which triggered the script to reverse everything I’d done. After that, I sent them an email saying I was done with the project. I told them they could keep the training video and that I’d keep the £800 booking fee as payment for the video.
To say the client is angry is an understatement, but I feel like I’ve been clear about my terms. But now I’m starting to wonder — did I go too far?
So, you decide — Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as such, but this isn’t a sustainable or professional way to conduct your business.
Have proper contracts, get everything in writing, and don’t deal with companies who you expect are going to take advantage of you. Don’t begin extra projects for companies (the videos) until you have been paid for the work you have already done unless it’s a reputable major company.
Agree on a staggered payment plan for most work so you can get paid after the delivery of individual work packages so the client can never fall too much into arrears (although I guess this doesn’t apply to a project that’s only for £2k).” Adventurous_Oil1750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The company learned a very harsh lesson while trying to take advantage of a person who did the work and didn’t want to pay. Sucks that you did more work than the $800 you got… but I guess what they did will get whispered around the globe and they may find they struggle to find someone to do work for them… or at a grossly inflated price.
I don’t think I would give them anything even if they want to pay you double. Don’t allow them to take advantage of you twice.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“You should have requested half up front. Only serious clients pay half upfront. But at least you got 800.
If you have proof that they had accepted your 200/hour fees, then what are they going to do, sue you? LOL, I don’t see why you shouldn’t protect yourself this way if you are working with int’l clients. There are so many people out there just looking for a way to take advantage of others out of their livelihood.
NTJ Hopefully, they learned a lesson. Ask for money upfront to make sure you aren’t wasting time working for thieves.” hadMcDofordinner
5. AITJ For Telling My SIL To Stop Taking Her Issues Out On My Grieving Niece?
“To start with SIL is my niece’s stepmother. She and my brother have been married for 2 years. He lost his first wife 3 years ago. My niece was 5 at the time her mom passed away and 8 now. My brother met SIL and married her in 3 months.
It was fast. None of us met her before the wedding. Concerns were expressed but he told us he needed to move forward and my niece needed a woman around the house.
There are a lot of problems here. My brother is the cause. But he refuses to hear anybody.
Some of the stuff going on is, SIL is jealous of my late SIL. My niece doesn’t really like SIL and is distant from her. My brother (according to SIL) doesn’t love SIL and is still in love with late SIL. My brother encourages SIL and my niece to be a mother/daughter duo and he’s not listening to his daughter.
To be more specific. SIL is uncomfortable any time my late SIL is mentioned by anyone. My niece asks questions about her mom, and we answer. We also try to make sure she’s not a taboo topic of conversation. SIL interrupts those conversations when they happen and tries to change the subject.
It’s worse again if my brother joins in the conversation about late SIL. She has talked about my brother saying his late SIL name in his sleep, confessing his love for her, and living out some really deep talks with her all while asleep. Some of the things he says have upset her.
This makes her more sensitive to my niece talking about her mom and it’s where my primary concern is. My niece has said SIL doesn’t like her mom’s photos being in the house or that my niece makes her mom Mother’s Day drawings for her grave.
She has told my niece to stop mentioning her mom because it hurts her feelings, it’s not her home anymore. She also took down some of the photos in the house. My brother replaced them with more. SIL wasn’t happy that my niece was happy to see more back.
My niece is distant with SIL and my brother sees it. So he sets up these “mother/daughter” dates for them and my niece hates it. So then he tries to talk her into giving SIL a chance. Is it where SIL can hear and then hear them discuss missing late SIL and how my niece doesn’t want SIL around?
I brought her out to lunch and told her she needed to stop taking these issues out on my niece. She argued that it’s hard to be the one loving and nurturing a child while they worship a dead person. I told her to get over it.
Late SIL is her mom and will always be her mom and she can’t change that. I told her kids will love their parents even after they’re gone even if they’re young. I told her she had issues with my brother and, that she should address all this with him or leave.
But to stop putting all this nonsense on a grieving little girl. SIL got up and left but not before telling me I should be showing her way more compassion and sympathy given the things she’s going through. And I have no idea what it’s like to be unwanted in my own home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your SIL is the dumb one for marrying a grieving father 3 months into the relationship. Everyone knew this was the worst decision she could make. No sympathy is needed. All of this was easily preventable if any of the adults involved were less selfishly naive and more thoughtful and reasonable.” Haztlen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SIL knew she was marrying a widower with a child. Maybe this is why she shouldn’t have met and married someone in 3 months. She can’t erase ex-SIL. It sounds like her insecurities and jealousy are the issues. She needs to get over that if there’s any chance of fostering even a civil relationship with her niece.” snarkness_monster
Another User Comments:
“You, your brother, and anyone else expecting your new SIL and your niece to put up with this toxic, dysfunctional situation, are jerks. Your brother went shopping for a substitute mother for his child before either he or she had a chance to properly grieve.
Lord only knows what he promised new SIL to get her to marry him so soon after his loss, but it is clear that he did it for all the wrong reasons. He simply wanted a replacement parent so he doesn’t have to bother. He might as well have just hired a nanny.
This is not a genuine marriage. It feels super transactional and devoid of love. And you are supporting him in this severely messed up behavior, to the detriment of the child and the new SIL. The best thing you said to her was to get out.
I heartily agree. If you care about what is right for any of these people, you will encourage the new SIL to RUN toward a better life for herself and then have a come-to Jesus meeting with your brother. Insist that he get himself and his child into therapy at once and stop marrying people just to use them.
Not cool.” WEM-2022
But your poor little niece. Best thing would b for SIL to cut her losses and your brother to accept that it is fine to HIRE childcare/housework for the time being, and only date again when he feels ready.
4. AITJ For Supporting My Husband's Decision To Cut Off His Toxic Family?
“My husband (29m) has been through more in life than anyone should ever have to and it all began with his biological family. He was raised by his grandmother from the age of 2 because his mother was/is a substance user who to this day thinks her needs are far more important than her children’s.
She’s had two children removed from her care as an adult and the two she got to keep have been so emotionally crippled by her obsessive coddling that they’ll probably never be functioning members of society. Since Grandma was a single parent to her grandson he spent a long time as a latchkey kid in Stockton California.
I know she did the absolute best she could over the years, but it doesn’t mean that everything was done right. Granted that can be said about any parent can’t it?
Fast forward to this year… we’ve of course had a lot of ups and downs with his family, but despite my better judgment we always at least tried to play nice so he could maintain a relationship with his younger siblings.
That is until a couple of years ago when his mother tried to get him to take the fall for some very illegal activities that I won’t go into too much depth because it’s still an issue. This resulted in him 100% cutting off all contact with her and most of his family who thought he should “get over it” and just forgive her.
The activities that she tried to get him to take the fall for could have potentially landed him in prison for about ten years but that doesn’t matter. Anyways… he’s had a tense relationship with the little bit of family he was still interacting with and that came to an end ever an aunt and uncle got intoxicated and berated him to his face about all the perceived ways he’s a screw up so he went no contact with them as well.
Grandma tried to get into the middle of it, but when she refused to accept that the only thing he wanted was an in-person face-to-face apology he cut her off too. He’s just tired of being the whipping boy when they have a bad day and being expected to just get over it.
Now once again they’re in town… a cousin is getting married this weekend so Grandma calls me to tell me I need to force him to interact with them. I’m his wife, not his boss so I’m not about to shove him into an interaction he doesn’t want and I told her so.
I even told her all he wanted was that apology and to be treated like an adult but that I would talk to him. Her response… verbatim “Don’t bother. Let him pout. We’ll see you next time.” So I got mad. And I told her that I don’t know how things are done in the place they’re from but that’s now how I was raised and my parents did a better job since at least I understand basic human respect.
So now she’s blowing up my phone saying I’m a jerk and that she wishes her grandson had never met me. So am I the one in the wrong for supporting him in not wanting to talk to them or should I try to talk him into making nice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandma’s attitude towards this situation is what taught his mom her ways. I am not saying it is Grandma’s fault Mom chose substances but showed her what family meant to her. Just continue to love and support your husband, going no contact is best for you.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My husband’s family went NC from my FIL’s mother decades ago. Since the time I came along, whenever something like this comes up, I have taken the position that my place is by my husband’s side. He makes the decision and I stand by it.
The ONLY thing I insist on, the ONLY opinion I even contribute, is that I don’t want my husband knee-jerking the decision. He must think it through. He must decide that, whatever he does, he will have no regrets in the future. Whatever he decides, I am right there with him.
Because I am not the one who lived what he lived with these people. I have no genuine concept of what went down or what could go down today. So beyond insisting he thinks clearly, I get no say. ETA If it were me and my husband and grandma called me, I would inform him that the interaction happened, because he would want to know.
But I would make it clear that’s all I’m doing, remind him that I have no opinion one way or the other, and tell him I am with him no matter what he does.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were right in standing by your husband because you both are supposed to be a unit, now having said that, you already mentioned that your husband has gone through a lot, so in the end, it’s his call to make what he wants to do about this situation, he doesn’t have to be peer pressured into doing things he doesn’t want to (in the notion of a ‘family’ that doesn’t seem to be looking out for him).
All in all, I just want to say I’m glad you stood by him OP!” Fine-Hospital5188
3. AITJ For Leaving A Wedding To Get Food Because We Were Hungry?
“This Saturday we were invited to our friend’s wedding and we were part of the bridal party. I was a groomsman and my partner Ali was a bridesmaid.
We had breakfast and I drove Ali to her preparations and then I went to the groom.
We went to pick up the bride around 11 with all the ceremonies. Then was the first photoshoot. The wedding was between 1 and 2, and we had the park and beach photoshoot. The normal guests had the time to have lunch but we didn’t. The civil ceremonies were between 4 and 5, there was that last photoshoot with, almost 200, guests.
There was a cocktail reception for an hour where everyone got one profiterol and a glass of champagne(with half a grape, this was an expensive hotel and they couldn’t even put in a whole grape).
Dinner started at 7 and it was a joke. We were served courses every hour.
The salad – 2 slices of tomato, whipped cheese balls on top, 2 crescents of red onion 3 cucumber matchsticks, and 2 small cheese balls with some sort of nuts. Soup – exactly 9 spoonfuls of cucumber soup, maybe 10 if you scrape the sides. Main – a palm-sized piece of stake(it was delicious) with baby corn(it was bad) and whipped bell peppers.
(inedible). Cheese board – 5 kinds of cured meats and 4 kinds of cheeses with 3 pieces of each. Our table has 12 people.
We couldn’t leave before midnight because it would be rude and the cameramen were booked until then.
During the whole “dinner” we were expected to perform our duties and participate in everything, games or dances.
During one of our many breaks for fresh air, I noticed an open-door place and made a joke about going there if we had money. Then Ali did the most amazing thing, she took off her shoe and pulled out a 50 from under the sole.
I have never loved her more. We sneaked away and ate fast so we wouldn’t be missed. But we didn’t think that we would smell like garlic and meat. After looking at us for a while one of the bridesmaid asked where we got the food and we answered honestly.
The entire table slowly left to get food.
Our entire table was empty when it came time for the cake-cutting, even the best man and maid of honor were missing. We lied that one of the girls had stomach problems. While Ali was calming down the bride I ran to call the wedding party.
The bride was really mad because the cake cutting was postponed for 15 minutes, but everything else seemed normal. We stayed until 1 and went to our hotel.
We didn’t hear anything Sunday, but yesterday Ali received a call from the bride and she was angry. She said that we had insulted her wedding and made people leave on purpose to humiliate her.
That she was a traitor and a backstabber. Ali was very sad so I tried talking with the groom, but he said to wait and that it wasn’t yet the time to apologize.
I don’t think we did anything on purpose. I did hate the wedding but I didn’t say it to anyone and we just wanted to eat.
But Ali is really sad and feels guilty. Are we the AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. While they provided food, it wasn’t enough for everyone. And while the cake-cutting might have been postponed a little, 15 minutes isn’t that much, and it’s far from an event that earns being called a traitor.
Not only that, but you didn’t encourage the people at your table, you were just honest with them, and the fact that all of them left isn’t your fault. That was their choice to make, and frankly, I don’t blame any of them. Weddings can be wonderful, but they are exhausting for anyone involved in them, and it’s only fair that people get to eat what they need to, especially if they are willing to pay for their portion, since it doesn’t seem like she even had to pay for the extra food everyone bought.
It shouldn’t be your problem that she didn’t supply enough food at her wedding. Though I think lying about it wasn’t a good move, you are NTJ, and your friend is overreacting. Weddings can be hard on brides and very stressful. Hopefully, with a few days of rest and hindsight, she’ll calm down a little and you and your partner can have a proper conversation about this with her.” MaybeMariel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And here’s why: it is the bride and groom’s responsibility to make sure there is time carved out for the bridal party to eat and in the event of a multi-location wedding, process snacks of some sort. Weddings are hard work for the wedding party and they should be taken care of.
I will add a caveat…it was tacky to leave the wedding to go somewhere else to eat and not consider the schedule. Hope the bride accepts your apology and that your partner stops feeling guilty.” DontBeAsi9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were hungry and saw a solution to the problem.
No one noticed you were gone except for the people at your table. If everyone else had the sense to go out slowly it wouldn’t have been a problem. I would have cracked long before then on the day if I hadn’t eaten since breakfast I’d have been hangry well before the “salad course” The 15-minute delay in cutting the cake is hardly a make or break part of the day and frankly even if none of you were present, you aren’t required for that ?!
The bride sounds unreasonable” o2low
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Scaredy-Cat Partner On Our Halloween Trip?
“My roommates and I have planned a trip to go to HHN. Two of my roommates have partners and have decided to bring them. The problem is one of my roommate’s (Cade 22m) partners (Lucy 21f) is kind of a baby about this stuff and I feel like she’s going to ruin the whole trip.
For example, last October we went to a local haunted house and Lucy was freaked out the entire time. She screamed at everything and had her face buried in Cade the entire time so she couldn’t even see what she was screaming at. She was just screaming at noises.
She’s the type who leaves hallway lights on at night or just “has” to stay over after a scary movie because she won’t be able to sleep alone. I’ve even heard her say that she doesn’t enjoy haunted houses or scary movies but will make herself endure them just so she can do things with Cade.
If it was just another local haunted house I honestly wouldn’t have said anything but Universal is a BIG /expensive trip for us. I don’t want the trip ruined when Lucy inevitably starts having some form of a panic attack. Yes, an actual panic attack is an exaggeration of her behavior but you get the idea.
I also don’t want our group to separate as my friends are funny which makes the experience more fun with them than without. So that means if Lucy starts dragging her feet we have to wait on her.
Recently, the topic of HHNs came up & I took the opportunity to suggest maybe it would be a good idea for Lucy not to come since she doesn’t do well with horror.
She didn’t get the hint and said she wanted to come with Cade. I said we’d only be gone for a couple of days so it might be better for their peace of mind if she sat this one out. That was when Cade chimed in and said he wanted her to come.
I said I get it, but they see each other nearly every day anyway and the trip really isn’t going to be great for anyone given her track record with these sorts of things. We said a few more things & she ended by saying “idk it’s up to Cade” to which he just reiterated that he wanted her to come and asked why was I picking on his partner.
I said I wasn’t picking on her, I was just pointing out the truth & I wanted this trip to be enjoyable for everyone. Since we’d be back in 3 days I didn’t think it’d be a big deal.
Cade said that Lucy didn’t act any different from any other girl at HHN’s to which I replied that there are plenty of girls who do not scream and cower at every pop-up and again, I’m just wanting to make this trip fun.
He said some do some don’t, it shouldn’t be a big deal either way since I’m not responsible for anyone but myself. I know that, but having to wait on Lucy getting catered to bugs me. We shared a few more words but I ended up just saying okay because I didn’t want an argument to cancel the trip.
Cade has been acting weird since the convo and is making me feel like I am in the wrong for suggesting Lucy stay home. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Part of being an adult means accepting that your friends may have romantic partners, and those partners may want to join on trips and excursions.
Lucy says she wants to come on the trip. Cade says he wants her to come on the trip. That’s the end of the discussion right there. Lucy won’t ruin anything. But you may ruin the trip for yourself by constantly monitoring her reaction to every little thing.
Alternatively, you can simply decide to enjoy yourself and your time with your friends. Surely there will be plenty of people at this event screaming and whatnot; whatever noises Lucy makes, just consider them part of the backdrop.” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you don’t want to deal with Lucy going on the trip, then you should sit the trip out.
Unless you’ve left something out, you’re the only one expressing that you don’t want her to come. I’d also note that screaming kind of comes with the territory at Halloween Horror Nights; if it’s not Lucy you’re hearing it will be somebody else. Also, you don’t have to wait for her.
The group can continue and she and Cade can catch up to you. I get you don’t want to be separated because your friends are “funny” but if you’re already irritated with her and don’t want to wait, maybe that’s a better option.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it seems like you’re jealous of your roommate’s partner idk maybe you have some feelings for Cade and you would rather have those 3 days with him than share him with his partner? Just something you might want to consider. But either way, you can’t tell someone they aren’t allowed to come like your roommate said you’re not responsible for her, so just worry about yourself and get over it.” Rov4228
1. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Little Brother's Room?
“So I (22f) live in a four-bedroom house with my Dad, sister, and older brother. Our stepmom and younger brother (actually my stepbrother) used to live with us, they separated in 2021, so it’s just been the four of us since then.
My little brother, who I’ll call Mark (15f) used to spend long weekends, sometimes a full week, at our house but gradually he stayed over less and less and now it’s gotten to a point where he doesn’t spend the night at all.
When I asked my stepmom about why he didn’t want to spend nights anymore she explained his reasons which I found valid, to be honest, and so long as he’s open to spending time with me, my siblings, and my dad I’m fine with it.
Now, my sister and I have shared a room our entire lives, causing many fights as you can imagine. It wasn’t until I was away at college that I realized both of us having our own spaces (me in my dorm room and her having the bedroom to herself), made it much easier for us to get along.
But now I’m back for good until I’m ready to get my place and it’s been difficult. There’s a lack of privacy and various pet peeves that leave both of us feeling irritated with each other. I asked my dad about taking Mark’s room once before but he’s adamant that he must have a room for our little brother in his house.
Last time we talked about it however he stated that if our Mark decided he wanted to give up his room then fine, otherwise he does not want to discuss it again.
Here’s the thing, everyone else, my stepmom, my big brother, my sister, and my bio mom all think I should get Mark’s old room.
Both me, my stepmom, and my big brother are positive that if talked to Mark about it he’d give me the go-ahead, but I’m wondering if I should ask about it at all. I’m worried that my dad will be hurt as it would solidify the fact that his son doesn’t see his father’s house as “home” anymore.
It would give all the more reason not to spend nights over. I also don’t want Mark to feel outcasted from his siblings as if we’re cutting him out. We all love and want the best for him. Plus I don’t want to come off selfish or entitled.
At the same time, I need my own space and privacy. Sharing a room with my sister makes me feel trapped and suffocated. I keep trying to tell myself to just be patient and get my place but I’ve been patient my entire life and it hurts to know my dad is continuing to put Mark’s needs (which doesn’t even feel like a need anymore) over mine.
I don’t want to damage the relationship he has with his son, but it’s damaging the relationship he has with me in the process. I’ve tried talking to my Dad about it before, but he keeps shutting it down, so I’m just supposed to endure.
I just don’t know. I need some non-biased opinions.
Would I be the jerk if I asked my little brother if he would be okay with me taking his old room, knowing he’ll probably say yes?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: I think your dad is doing the right thing, making it very clear that the boy has a place in his house, even if he is no longer his stepfather.
He doesn’t want to be the one to ‘give the room away’, that should only be done with Mark’s blessing. I agree, that he is prioritising Mark’s needs over yours, however, his relationship with Mark is extremely fragile and there are no blood/legal ties to keep the two connected after the separation – It makes sense he is the priority right now, as it would be very easy to lose that relationship.
It would make more sense for you to have the room. You would not be a jerk for asking Mark what he thinks.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know. I think you would be the jerk going against your father’s wishes about his own house and relationship with his son.
I understand your reasoning but- your bro is still a kid. Anything could happen. Hopefully, you won’t be there too long. Wait I completely missed that you have an older brother so yes it makes sense that if a little brother came home they could share as you do now.
Still, it’s your dad’s decision and you have to respect it.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“So- not Mark’s old room. His *still* room when he visits his dad. And you want to announce “Hey, you’re not family and you don’t belong here”, on top of announcing to a kid “You’re not allowed to struggle with the new family dynamic.” Even though you’re the one who’s away at college most of the time and will shortly be looking to leave the nest completely and get your place.
Which your dad, the owner of the house, knows, and has set a boundary on. Which, as the owner of the house, is the only opinion that matters. After having received a boundary, you’re looking to target a 15-year-old’s feelings, drag him into the middle of your fight unfairly, and guarantee a sting of rejection where your dad has tried desperately to prevent that; undermining on two fronts.
You’re the jerk. You’ve asked, you’ve been rejected. Maybe it sucks, but it would make you suck a lot more to put that kind of pressure on Mark.” StripedBadger
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