People Strive For Success In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Partner's Tuition Deposit?
“My partner and I have been together for 7 years, though the past 3 have been a struggle.
I worked 3 jobs and was so stressed and tired all the time, so I decided to go back to school.
My partner and I talked it over, did all the math, and decided it was doable.
I was still going to have to work at least 2 jobs to afford it, but it would work out better in the long run. I applied for and received a few scholarships and bursaries, which helped significantly.
Within the first month of the 2nd year of my degree, my partner rage quit his job (55K/year) and I got him a job at a store I worked at, but it’s only part-time and minimum wage, so he’s only making ~18K a year or less.
I knew how stressed out he was with his job, so I was empathetic at the time. He said he would find another job shortly and everything would be fine. While I was empathetic, I was and still am aggravated that he made this decision without discussing it with me.
I worked 3 jobs for the remaining years of my degree and graduated this June with Honours.
I’ve lost nearly 30lbs from stress and just not having the time to eat or sleep. My partner is still working part-time at that same store, as he claims he’s been applying for jobs but never hears anything back.
I understand the job market sucks right now, but I have a feeling he isn’t even actually applying to anything. During this time, I had multiple friends get fired and every single one was able to find other employment. Every single one.
All he pays for is his half of the rent because that’s all he can afford.
I cover everything else, from groceries to insurance to meds to the internet. Everything else.
I now have 4 jobs to make up for the rising costs of, well, everything. I do 12-hour shifts at my one job every weekend, 3 days a week at my day job, 2-3 night shifts a week at my 3rd job, and my 4th is an on-call job where I’m available any time I’m not at my other 3 jobs.
Fortunately, these jobs are better paying and in my field, but everything is still so expensive, especially when you have to nearly completely support yourself and another person. I’m exhausted and burnt out and nearing a breakdown.
My partner decided that since the job market wasn’t great, he should also go back to school and be accepted. You’d think that’d be great, but he informed me today that he needs $500 for his tuition deposit.
This deposit is common and needs to be paid each year before classes begin.
I also needed $500 for my tuition deposit and had to work my butt off at 3 different jobs every single year to pay it, but he’s relying on me to pay him, and I’m assuming I’ll have to pay it for him every single year of his program since he can’t seem to find better employment/other jobs.
I don’t think it should be up to me to come up with that money, but he thinks that because I want him to get his life together (yes, I’ve said this to him) I should pay for it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner needs to get a few more jobs.
This should be a HUGE red flag waving in your face. You’ve burned the candle at both ends for so long and he’s watched you do it, and not once did he step up. You have FOUR jobs and he has 1/2 a job. Sounds like he’s using you.” Royal_Ad_6026
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for killing yourself for someone who is working part-time, living off of you, and now wants you to pay for their schooling…wow…If my partner worked 2 jobs, I would be working 2 jobs as well…I would never allow him to take the burden alone because I love him… ” TimeRecognition7932?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – have you thought about also dropping the 200lbs of dead weight you seem to be carrying? At this point since your “partner” has willingly and knowingly been ok with watching you struggle to support you both with not 2, not 3, BUT 4 JOBS?!.?
It’s come to the point that a change does need to be made. As proven by his still trying to squeeze out funds, he’s no longer viewing this relationship as a partnership. He’s more than happy to keep the status quo of your bankrolling the majority of bills even at the cost of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
OP – please do not fall into the trap of sunk cost fallacy. This relationship stopped being that a long time ago. You don’t need to let yourself drown to keep him afloat.” Neptune
18. AITA For Leaving My Sister In Another Country?
“My sister and I are in the UK on an international trip. Our relationship had many challenges growing up, some specific to being twins, but honestly my sister can just be a mean person.
She blames her anxiety (I have it too but I don’t treat people poorly because of it). We planned this birthday celebration all year and came up with a plan for when she’s in anxious mode/lashing out. I was told not to take it personally and to just “give her grace” and let her get it out (emotionally bully me) until she felt okay.
Yes, I’m an idiot for agreeing to do this trip.
We didn’t even make it through the first day without an issue: She leaves me everywhere we go.
I have videos of her walking halfway down the block ahead of me. At one point I was going to duck off behind a flat just to see how long it took her to realize I wasn’t behind her.
I asked her if was she okay because I didn’t understand why we weren’t walking together. She just said I walk too slowly and need to keep up with her. Whether she’s a fast walker or I’m “too slow”, I have just never been out with another person and they just leave me behind.
It confirms a lot of my suspicions over the years that she legit doesn’t like or respect me as a person.
And she can’t use her anxiety as an excuse.
She’s just being mean and she only treats me this way. Her husband said if she’s in a rush she’ll take off, which is understandable.
But we were taking a leisurely walk back to our hotel after dinner! We have guests joining us in 4 days and I bet my entire bank account she will NOT do this to them. She has gone on vacation with her friends, I know she doesn’t do this to them.
She wouldn’t do this to our family, or anybody else.
I would like to do my own thing going forward.
Now I’m aware that comes with a safety hazard for us both. And I will be getting extensive calls from America about why I’m wrong.
But this is exactly how it goes: I REACT to her behavior and I’m the bad guy for not sucking it up and dealing with her nonsense. When we were younger I would be forced to apologize because “she isn’t as mature, please be the bigger person.”
I legit don’t have to put up with this. I’m supposed to deal with this passive aggression for another 4 days?
When we got back to the hotel, I stayed in the lobby for a while to decompress. I get back to the room 30 minutes later and she’s on the phone with her husband and saying “Well she’s mad I keep leaving her.
That’s not my problem, she should keep up with me.”
I’m not interested in fighting or having a walking power struggle. I can have a much better trip by myself. I’m in travel groups looking for some girls to connect with in the area and on social apps to meet a new friend.
Again, I’m mindful I’m in another country, but I want to enjoy this trip I paid for and I don’t want to be with someone who treats me like I’m a nuisance.
AITJ: For leaving her & doing my trip activities?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s much easier to match a slower pace than it is to match a faster one. And letting her lash out at you when she feels anxious is honestly such a jerk thing for her to expect of you. I think you’ll be doing a favor for you both by going out on your own and spending time away from her” I’m-Gwen-Stacy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re adults in the UK, a safe country by any standard. You have every right to set boundaries and expectations, and when your sister violates those and disrespects you, to go off on your own. Again, the UK is a safe place.
She will either handle it well on her own or just stay in the hotel until the guests come. That’s her choice. Go enjoy the next four days on your own. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“How old are you guys, because you sound like kids, but then I see your sister has a husband… I’m not sure I understand the issue.
You’re out walking ‘somewhere’ and she walks ahead of you. Do you lose her? And if you lose her, do you know where you’re going, or is she the only one with Google/Apple Maps on her phone? Or the only one with a card to pay for buses/tubes?
Because if you know what your plan is and is somewhat adult, you can get where you want, and enjoy your day regardless of what your sister wants to do. If you need someone to hold your hand while walking I’m afraid you brought the wrong vacation friend.
The only one who can make your day great is you!” Maximum_Law801
17. AITJ For Wanting To Book The Same Wedding Venue As My Newly Engaged Sister-In-Law?
“I’ve been with my partner (M38) for 7 years, he proposed this past spring. I (F31) have not been stressed or felt rushed during the organizational process at all, the only thing I knew was I wanted June’25.
I spoke back in April/May with a few venues here in the city we live in as well as where we vacation pretty much each summer as both his family and my family always have, though we didn’t know each other before getting together, we’ve gone to this beach together ever since and it’s become a very special place for us as a couple.
Summer comes around and I plan a few visits to different venues though there’s one I like more than the others. I decided to keep these visits a “secret” to surprise my fiance with the idea of getting married at the beach once we’re there.
Drama: We’ve been at the beach for a week now, one afternoon in walks my SISTER IN LAW who usually never spends more than 2-3 days at this beach town because it’s not boujee enough for her. She walks in with her partner of a total of 12 months, before even introducing him to the family she announces they’re getting married. EITHER IN MAY’25 OR SEPTEMBER’25.
AT THE BEACH. AT THE VENUE I HAD MY EYE ON. I know this seems ridiculous and probably will turn petty, but her brother (they have a great relationship, or so I thought) proposed to me literally 3 months ago, I don’t even have anything set yet, she hasn’t even bothered to ask how it was going or what I had in mind, idk, she kind of just plopped the news onto the whole family, all at once.
I don’t know if this is weird or not but we would have expected to be told first or privately and not at a huge beach house with a bunch of aunts uncles and cousins that don’t even know the guy yet. It felt a bit invasive.
My response: I didn’t say anything other than “Oh…. I have an appointment to see that venue in a few days, it was supposed to be a surprise for your brother”. She ignores me and goes on showing off this extravagant ring, ya-dee-daw, whatever. Oh, that night at dinner my other SIL pulled her aside and told her to not even dare get married one month before our set date… just out of respect.
Kudos to her.
Anyway, my fiance and I go see all the beach venues. They are available on the date I want. Everything’s amazing. The next day, I told my MIL that we went and saw that place. No comments on her behalf but OH SO coincidentally, my fiance received a msg on their group chat that his sister has just reserved the venue for Sept (at least it wasn’t May).
So now I find myself in a predicament. AITJ if I rent out the same venue, that I liked in the first place, for June, even though she beat me to it after only being engaged for five days? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing at all?
I thought I wasn’t gonna go all bridezilla-y… but I guess that’s what they all say right?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, though you are the only one making something out of nothing so far. Her story is her story, and there’s nothing rushed about getting married to someone you’ve been with for a year, especially in your 30s.
I’d give your SIL a heads up that you booked it too, so she has all the knowledge if she wants to change. You can approach this like a bonding opportunity or like a competition.” RealTalkFastWalk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are looking for drama.
May, June, and September are typical months to get married. Most of my friends married in one of these months (and so did we). And nobody should postpone their wedding for a year, just to make somebody else happy. Choosing the same venue? That’s normal in some areas.
And how you made fun of her by showing her engagement ring. What is wrong with you? Why do you hate her so much? Just because she thought of marrying earlier than you? Weddings are not a race.” NixKlappt-Reddit
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I don’t see what the issue here is.
Your post doesn’t mention if your SIL even cares about it being the same venue. It’s also not weird to start planning the wedding right after getting engaged. Long engagements aren’t a thing anymore unless you’re early 20s and in most places, you book out a year in advance anyway.
I know some couples who already had a guest list and other plans prepped before the official engagement. I also don’t know why it’s invasive for her to tell her family about her engagement at what appears to be a family gathering. That seems like the ideal time to tell family.
It’s not usually something people are hush-hush about that needs to be told privately.” idling-in-gray
16. AITJ For Missing My Best Friend's Baby Shower Due To Pre-Planned Trip?
“Let me start by saying I feel like the jerk… but everyone around me is telling me it’s not my fault. So let me give a backstory: me and her (let’s call her Sarah) are friends from college. We became friends as roommates in an apartment-style dorm.
We became inseparable!! Blah blah bestie stuff. We decided to move in together again the next year but off-campus in an apartment with a friend of mine. This went horribly. We shared a bathroom and were at each other’s throats constantly.
She decided to move out after we got in a huge screaming fight and we didn’t speak for a year.
Somehow she came to me and apologized and I apologized and we decided to become friends again. Fast forward to now we casually hang out once every 2-3 months for an hour or two, so I wouldn’t call us super close, but we do still use the “best friend” title.
When I do see her she’s not that friend you can just say anything to, but she is that friend that you just laugh and laugh and laugh with and I treasure her and love her to death. Fast forward we’ve been friends again for many years now, she’s pregnant (on purpose).
We don’t hang out much but she’s been trying to plan her baby shower. I offered to throw it as a bestie, but of course, her sisters stepped in. She’s due in Nov but told me in August it would be sometime in September.
Now in early August, I was asked if I wanted to go on a birthday trip over a long weekend in September. Now I have not been able to afford to go on trips in 3 years, so I was excited. I agreed to go on the trip and paid my part.
Fast forward to now, Sarah texts me and tells me she’s decided on a date. As you can guess it’s during my trip. Since I had already asked for the date 4 times, my brain just forgot the shower wasn’t planned yet. I have bought so many gifts and even handmade a few for her and was planning on doing everything I can to make it up to her, but she won’t even hear me out.
I understand how hurt she is… I feel like the worst friend alive, but everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault and that I couldn’t have blocked all of September out for her until she decided on a date. I’ve essentially just apologized over and over and over and over and told her she’s valid and I understand and I’ll do anything.
The last thing she said before she started ignoring me was “I see this shows where you stand” “I thought you knew how much I cared about our friendship. I hope you enjoy your vacation I don’t want you to harbor on something when the damage is already done” I just feel like a jerk….
I know I couldn’t have known which day it was especially since I did ask 4 times, and I didn’t intentionally plan my trip during her shower, but it just sucks. For context, she’s accidentally planned a trip for my last two birthdays, but I know this is different… I just feel like I suck now..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your friend could’ve checked with you first before she finalized her date if your presence was so important. It’s just one small event and it’s unreasonable for her to expect you to put your entire life on hold waiting for the day to be revealed. Her reaction is concerning and does not show that she is very understanding.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This “bestie” sounds very manipulative. You’re giving her the benefit of the doubt about scheduling her shower at the last minute, she should be giving you the same grace about pre-existing travel plans. Think of it this way: you asked several times about her shower date, and she failed to give you one.
It’s her fault for not letting you know in time. Instead of accepting responsibility for her failure, she is calling you a bad friend, questioning your loyalty. Honestly, you should be questioning your loyalty. Do you think she’d cancel her vacation plans if the roles were reversed?” MiscreantMarsupial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, you couldn’t block off the whole month of September waiting for a date to be set. If she was truly your best friend she would understand that you have plans already and will be unable to attend, instead of giving you a hard time about it and ignoring you.
Don’t bend over backward trying to make things right. Her reaction is rude and selfish and not that of a true friend.” Smarterthanuthink867
15. AITJ For Being Annoyed By My Noisy Neighbors Despite Their Medical Conditions?
“I (31m) live in a small semi-detached with my partner (33F) in the UK.
Around a year ago, a family of four moved into the other side of the wall. We introduced ourselves and welcomed them to the neighborhood, and we learned that the Mum’s hearing is partially impaired.
It’s an old house, and the soundproofing is not great.
We can hear their conversations, TVs, or any other sounds quite clearly. The vibration from stomping can travel via the floor and shake our decorations. Their kids often yell, scream, bang, and run around the house when they are home. We both work hybrid and would work from home 2-3 days a week.
The noise affects our work and makes it more difficult to concentrate. We understand kids will be kids, plus with the situation of the mum, we try to be as understanding as possible and cope with it with it even though we are frustrated.
At the beginning of the school holiday, they had a new puppy and we could hear it bark occasionally.
No big deal; that’s normal. But the barking can last a few hours. It amplified our noise issue; my colleagues can hear their noise from my side during meetings. I didn’t confront them immediately as I wanted to wait and see if there would be improvement after a while.
Last week I had an important remote presentation. The noise on that day is particularly bad as they seem to have another family with kids visiting. Yielding to my frustration, I banged the wall a few times before the start of the meeting.
Today I found the letter below in my mailbox.
To the neighbor,
I write on behalf of my daughter’s family. They know nothing of my contacting you.
I would like you to know that my daughter is profoundly deaf and has successfully obtained a degree and has held down a nursery nurse job as well as raising her two daughters who have both been diagnosed with ADHD.
My son-in-law works long hours and is often on call to provide for his family.
They have pets, including a new puppy, to make family memories. As I am sure you are aware young children and animals will occasionally disrupt your peace, but I ask that you be a little more understanding of what they are going through.
If you have any issues in the future I ask that you contact me to discuss matters before causing them distress they can do without at present. Your banging on the wall is childish.
My daughter and her partner have bought this home they do not intend to move.
If you rent and you cannot tolerate the situation or find it in your heart to be more tolerant or forgiving I suggest you find rented accommodation elsewhere.
They are good people and should you ever need anything, they would be there for you in a heartbeat.
Happy to discuss this.
Neighbour’s mum
We were both shocked as we tried to cope with the situation on our side as best as we could, even though we were stressed and frustrated. AITJ to being frustrated and annoyed by the noise despite their medical condition?
And AITJ to bang the wall on that day?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I would look into soundproofing your office and maybe the connecting wall for the entire place. It sounds like paying for them to install the soundproofing foam would be worth it! Also, get soundproofing sticks on squares for your connecting wall in your office.
About the dog, don’t bang. Call in noise complaints with the police instead.” Super_Reading2048
Another User Comments:
“How bloody rude…to a) presume you’re renting and b) to write such a passive-aggressive note. I would knock on the door hand the note to her daughter and tell her.
You understand the situation, but that doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it. Furthermore, you would appreciate an apology in person for the exceptionally rude letter from her mother.” Ok-Preference-712
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here So the mum was not in the right to send you a letter.
If they had an issue they should have called in and talked to you face to face. (I’ve had similar issues with a neighbor who sends me passive-aggressive notes and the fact that they will not approach me and have a conversation irritates me to no end.)HOWEVER… you live in a semi-detached house so you are going to have to deal with noise.
If you don’t want to then you need to look for a detached house. I understand that you work from home but that isn’t their problem. There is no restriction on making noise in the daytime. I understand it’s frustrating but this is what you get when living in a semi-d (I also live in one).
If you don’t have noise-cancelling headphones then I suggest investing In some. I know it can be annoying but unfortunately, this is the joy of living in a neighborhood Also I would suggest if you have an important meeting maybe knock in and explain that to them so that they at least have the opportunity to keep the kids in a different room.” Adoremenow
14. AITJ For Being Upset At My Dad For Lying About My College Aspirations?
“I (16F) am currently in my sophomore year of high school and currently have a few family friends of the same age that I occasionally meet throughout the year for social gatherings.
My parents first met my family friends’ parents at church, but they never really spoke with each other until we all started attending the same primary school, to which they began talking to each other even more due to bonding over things such as our backgrounds (context: I’m half Chinese half Korean but my family friends are all Korean) and our kids, etc.
At the most recent family gathering yesterday, the talk of senior year, college, and future occupations came up as the night progressed and my friends’ parents began asking us where we wanted to go to college. My family friends had undergone a lot of rigorous tutoring, and discipline and were forced into the traditional Asian “success” mindset by their parents since they were young, which happened to me as well, but for them, it was a lot more extreme.
Hence, it wasn’t surprising when they said they all wanted to go to colleges like HYPSM, Caltech, etc. However, my dream schools were UCB, UCLA, and USC, which I told my mom and dad about since freshman year.
When one of my friends’ parents asked me where I wanted to go before I could offer a response, my dad immediately said: “She’s always wanted to go to Princeton since she was in elementary school.
She even told me getting into Yale and Harvard is easy”. After my dad said that, I was angry and confused, but my family and friends’ parents looked impressed and they were all saying compliments like “Wow your daughter’s so ambitious!” and “She must be studying so hard!” etc. I wanted to say something, but I knew it was too late to undo what my dad had said I would not only look silly in front of my friends and their parents, but it would also put my dad in a bad spotlight, as it would seem like he was bragging about me.
After the gathering had ended and I got in the car, I lost it. I was angry because not only did he interrupt me, but I never asked him to speak on my behalf and he lied about me to my friends and their parents as if my university choices were something to be ashamed of.
I also reminded him about the possibility of being rejected from Princeton and that it would be even harder to face my friends and their parents due to enormous academic pressure. My dad yelled back at me, saying that I was being rude and ungrateful because my standards were “too low” and that I was “paranoid” for thinking about rejection.
He then told me I should be thanking him because he did “a kind gesture and enhanced my reputation”, before telling me I was stupid for not understanding how competitive the world was.
I thought what my dad did wasn’t right, but I know how much my dad loves and cares about me, so I’m seriously wondering if I misinterpreted my dad’s actions and overreacted to a seemingly “Kind gesture”.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, your dad is a moron, however, if my parents would pull this on me I wouldn’t give a care. Why would I care what my friends or random people think of my career? It’s like barking back at any dog that dares to bark at you.
You are not who other people tell you are. If your dad tells you that you are a princess and will go to Princeton you are not obligated to be any of those. Only people who are weak care what others think, strong people do what they want and couldn’t care less how it looks.
Be strong.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He lied on purpose to put you under pressure to adhere to his idea of ambition and success. That makes him the jerk. You’ll find your way and your success without going to Princeton or Harvard. Your choices sound a lot more viable, less stressful, and perfectly reasonable, and do not make you unambitious or unsuccessful.
Don’t let your parents label you as such and you have no need to feel bad.” ecoknownothing
Another User Comments:
“So many traditions need to be left behind and forgotten. I understand wanting the best for your children but I believe it’s by supporting their dreams and fostering a strong sense of self.
Of course, there are exceptions to allow them to reach for their goals and remind them to have income while working towards their dreams. Hopefully, you can have your dreams but you may need to play their game until you are out of their home and on your own.
It may require hard boundaries once you out of there. But they do seem to be more supportive than the parents of your friends, so there’s a glimmer of an easier transition. Good luck with everything!!!” KeyHovercraft2637
13. AITJ For Expressing Concern About My Sister's Older, Potentially Toxic Crush?
“My (18F) sister (23F) has always had an interest in older men. Every celebrity crush she has is a guy around 40-50, and besides the occasional joke, I never have a problem with it or discourage her from those feelings. Again, I will make jokes, and us mutually making fun of each other’s “bad” taste is a running bit.
Yesterday my sister revealed to me that she has a crush on a coworker of hers. No relationship has been pursued but she does feel very intensely for him. She’s had this crush for over a year, it fizzled out, and now it’s back in full swing.
I was happy and supportive of her at first and wanted to hear all about it until she revealed the man was 14 years older than her. My sister is 23 and naive, when she was describing her crush she said that she believes he probably likes her back since he’s single, stares at her, and makes excuses to swing by her office.
When I asked about his personality, she said he’s kind of a jerk, and moody, and that her work BFF described him as a “borderline psychopath”. When I asked about him being single, she said he had asked out two other girls at work who both rejected him.
When I asked her if he was kind, she muttered and said something like.“he’s nice to me.”.
I’ve always been overprotective of the people in my life, this is a flaw I recognize and I’m trying to reign in those emotions.
But when I heard about this guy, red flags were raised. I know this is just a crush, but I don’t think my sister should be ashamed of her preferences in any way, I also have no clue if this guy is interested. But if he is, I find that extremely weird.
Why would a 37-year-old want anything to do with a 23-year-old? I’m under the impression that those are two completely different mindsets/avenues of life. And I’ve heard horror stories about younger women being pursued by older men and getting stuck in toxic relationships.
After she told me, I let everything process and debated telling her my true feelings or feigning happiness. I could tell that after she revealed his age she was disappointed in how uncomfortable I was by it. She even asked me, “Did you expect anything better from me?” Which broke my heart when I heard it.
I didn’t know what to say, so we went on with our evening. Later, I decided to send a message expressing my happiness over her telling me her feelings but also expressing the uncomfortable aspects of this guy reciprocating her feelings. I made it clear she doesn’t have to listen to me, just hear me out.
I sent it last night, this morning has been radio silence. I know she’s angry with me.
Should I have just kept in my lane and not been open about my mixed feelings on the subject? I’m aware my sister is an adult capable of making her own decisions, but I also know my sister, and while I love her, she is trusting of questionable people.
We’re super close and I wouldn’t want this to come between us, but I’m so worried. AITJ and blowing this out of proportion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s natural to want what is best for our family and sometimes we are blind to our own bad choices.
It’s ok for her to be mad too, it’s hard to hear that type of feedback. But at the end of the day, you love her and want her to be happy and loved. She’ll see it when she’s done being mad.” imposters_syndrom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because hear me out. The age gap isn’t the problem. The problem here is the fact he is described as a borderline psychopath. I understand your concerns and your sister is hopefully glad to have you as your sister. But I’d let her space to give her time to think about it.
Then to be honest I don’t want to imagine what could happen if they come together. Try to keep an eye on her and him. And you have the right to think otherwise about her crush” Embarrassed_Tank_806.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But at the end of the day, your sister is gonna do what she’s gonna do.
I’ve met a variety of early twenty-something girls and it never ceases to amaze me how ……..sheltered so many are in their outlooks. They only want to see what they want of the world, they never want to acknowledge that there is some bad stuff going on out there that may come their way.
And they never want to deal with the fallout of their own decisions that always seem to be made for the silliest of reasons. Again, not all the ones I’ve met are like this, but far, far too many.” LettheWorldBurn1776
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Club Member For Not Wanting To Perform A Song?
“I (M15) am part of a musical school club with four other people. Since we go to an art school & two of our club members (both M17) were seniors, I thought that it would be a good idea for me & the other two club members (both M15 as well) to thank them for all of their hard work forming the club by performing a song for them in the school venue as a celebration.
I brought this idea up with the two other club members at school. One of them (Shane) was happy with this idea, but the other club member (Mike) complained & said he didn’t want to do it as it was too much work. Mike is sort of a pessimist & complains all the time.
I’m okay with how he acts, but it annoyed me how he wasn’t even willing to do this simple act.
(For further info, Mike only joined the club because one of our seniors (Charlie) pushed him to do it. He was kind of a pushover and tried motivating all of us to do our best, but Mike still stayed either way thanks to him)
I went to Mike’s house because I wanted to do this idea and convince him. His response was the same. He didn’t want to do it.
This is where I think I messed up because I snapped at him. We got into a verbal fight.
I started yelling at him saying that he was ungrateful & a brat for constantly complaining about not wanting to perform despite the kindness our seniors gave us by making this club and inviting him in the first place.
In the end, though, I just wanted to know why Mike felt this way.
I thought he was good at singing & so did everyone in the club too. I told him that he should’ve quit and left us if he was just gonna continue complaining about performing in the first place.
Mike started crying & explained his side.
He works part-time at a local greengrocer his family owns. The club members already knew about this though. He said he was going to focus on helping his family instead of participating in the club.
He then started explaining how in middle school, people would try befriending him because of his looks only to drop him because they thought he was boring.
He thought we were gonna do the same to him, which is why he wasn’t motivated to perform the idea I had in the first place. He felt like he was unworthy of performing & didn’t deserve to pursue it.
I think it gets more complicated. The reason why Mike feels obligated to work with his family instead of performing with us is because his brother wants to become a lawyer but he keeps failing his exams despite his effort.
Mike said he wants to support his brother’s dream by taking over the business so he doesn’t have to worry about it. However, he’s abandoning music & us in the process.
He regrets being pessimistic & wishes he could perform with us, but due to his family issues and his self-esteem, he doesn’t want to do it.
This happened yesterday. I feel really bad for yelling at him & I think I went too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ big time. You are one of those obnoxious people who think what you want is so much more important than what someone else wants. Then you go beyond obnoxious to demand they justify to you their feeling.
Immature, rude, huge ego, self-centered, spoiled brat of a jerk. Yep, that’s you. ” Right_Narwhal821
Another User Comments:
“Yep, YTJ, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Mike needs a friend. A sincere apology and a resolve to be a good friend to him will go a long way.
We all make mistakes, it is how we clean up our messes that matters. Be very honest and direct and take full responsibility for being a jerk. Ask him what he needs from you to make this situation right. Then tell him how much it meant to you that he would share what was bothering him and that you will be a better friend from now on, then do it.” Pretend_Green9127
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even without knowing your friend’s situation, you’re the jerk. Why couldn’t you just accept no for an answer? Did you go to his house to harass him some more? Are you like this in general, where if you don’t get your way, you try to wear the people down until they agree just to shut you up?” SuperLavishness7520
11. AITJ For Still Being Mad At My Brother For Not Driving Me To Court?
“This is deeply petty, but I’m self-aware enough to know I have no objectivity here. Long story short, I had a (voluntary, administrative) court date. Due to my disability, I can’t drive, so I asked my brother, who is currently living at home with me and my parents, to give me a ride.
He agreed in vague and then concrete terms once I had a date, time, and place. (My dad was taking my mom to a medical appointment, and public transit in our area was nonexistent.) To sweeten the pot, I threw in a stash of [candy he likes and I don’t] as payment.
The day before, I checked in with him, and told him the appointment’s at 1 so we were leaving at 12:15. Google says it only takes ~20 minutes to get there, but I wanted to build in time for finding the place, getting inside, any paperwork, etc, since I’ve never done this or been there before.
I didn’t tell him that, just that we needed to leave at quarter after 12. He said okay.
Day of, I came by at 11:15 to check in and say, “Are you ready to go in an hour?” He says yes, and I wander off. Around 12 I rejoin him in the living room with my papers and things and wait for him to be ready.
At 12:15 he gets up and goes upstairs, and I figure he’s using the restroom or getting his coat or whatever. And then I hear the shower turn on.
Some people can take a shower in three minutes. My brother isn’t one of them. My only saving grace was that as luck would have it, Mom’s appointment got deferred, so they came home early and at 12:25 I asked Dad for a ride and he was nice enough to get back in the car after he’d already been driving for an hour.
When we get home, Brother is back where he was in the living room. He says something generic to me along the lines of, “So how’d it go?” and I pretty much ignore him because I’m angry, which I know isn’t mature but is probably better than reaming him out.
Mom, bless her heart, tries to make peace by prodding Brother into saying he thought we were leaving at 12:30. I don’t say much to that and the conversation moves on.
Cut to today, about a week later. I have pizza that I’m eating for dinner.
It’s not huge, but there’s enough to share. Brother asks (in a normal voice) if he can have a slice. I ask if he’s going to apologize for not taking me to [court location]. He asks, for some reason in nearly a whisper, if I’m “still mad about that.” I say yes, I am because he agreed to do something and then didn’t do it.
He says, still very quietly, “You need to learn to let things go.” I tell him he better let the pizza go, then. He leaves the room.
He’s a jerk for flaking on me in the first place, but am I a jerk for holding a grudge about it?
Should I just chalk it up to miscommunication and let it go? Or is he the jerk for breaking his word and not even pretending to be the least bit sorry about it? Am I making a point of principle or just being a petty mean person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of all the things in the world to be late for–court is NOT it. This was important. Even if he thought you were supposed to leave at 12:30, 12:15 was way too late to be hopping in the shower!” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“You are not holding a grudge because he never apologized, didn’t acknowledge his mistake to you even. You are mad at him for an ongoing transgression. NTJ” GratificationNOW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone else said, a grudge is if someone already apologized for something, but he has not.
Instead, he is continuing to be rude and condescending about it, so you are fully in your rights to be rude and petty back until he tries to make amends.” EstarineZephaloid
10. AITJ For Leaving My Mom After She Stormed Out During Baby Shower Preparations?
“I (f24) was home for a week, mainly to prep for my sister-in-law’s(f36) first baby shower.
I poured my heart into planning and my mom (f57) continuously made me feel like trash all week. Here are the examples:
- She was mad because the shower wasn’t what she wanted, but what my sister-in-law wanted (continued to yell at me because “she didn’t get to choose the shower she wanted and she was just grateful that people threw her a shower”, implying that SisterIn Law wouldn’t have been grateful for the shower)
- She was mad because the shower date wasn’t what she wanted, but it was the only date that worked for the baby’s mom, without the potential for the shower being after the due date
- My mom did not understand why she didn’t want the shower after the due date and was mad that she didn’t want the shower after the due date.
- She yelled at me because my brother (m40) wanted booze at the shower (then accused me of supporting his desire for that, which I never said I was in support of. I said I didn’t want to be in the middle of it.)
- She got mad at me for planning and taking the lead on the shower and planning it (even though she said that she was too busy to plan.)
- She expressed that she was mad that she didn’t get a say in anything (even though I ran everything past SIL, who the shower should have been focused and centered on) (she also said she didn’t have time to plan, which would leave me with the say in things, she also got to choose the venue)
- Amid this argument, she told me she didn’t care about my accomplishments. (I recently won an award related to planning events)
- She got mad at me for not going to the fair with her, even though we had spent a full evening at the fair on Wednesday.
The fair did not open on Sunday until noon.
- In response to me telling her that I did not want to go to the fair at noon, she screamed in my face that “she didn’t want to go anyway” and then told me to bring leftover cake to my brother.
When I came back from dropping the cake off, she was gone and told no one where she was going.
She would not answer her phone or texts. I checked her location and she was about 20 miles away. I had no idea if she was coming back and did not have time to wait for whenever she did, so I left.
AITJ for leaving when she stormed out abruptly? AITJ for distancing myself from her since the situation? AITJ for wanting the baby shower to be about my sister-in-law and no one else?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, sweetie, you’re navigating a minefield where the mines are explosive egos, and guess what?
You just stepped on a big one—Momzilla. You poured your heart into planning a baby shower *for* your sister-in-law, and instead of getting a thank-you, you got served a hot plate of guilt, a side of misplaced rage, and a dessert of passive-aggressive nonsense.
Yum, right? Your mom sounds like she’s auditioning for the role of “Drama Queen” in the next soap opera. Is she mad because the shower wasn’t what *she* wanted? Newsflash: it’s not her baby shower! And the whole “storming off without a word” act?
Classic emotional blackmail. She probably expected you to chase her down like you’re in some cheesy rom-com, but you didn’t, and good on you. Are you the jerk? Not. You’re the unsung hero who deserves a medal, not a guilt trip. So, you left without saying goodbye?
Big whoop. She made her bed, stormed out of it, and now she can lie in it—alone. Keep distancing yourself if that’s what you need to stay sane. Let her cool off; maybe she’ll realize the world doesn’t revolve around her whims.” 410Writer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom certainly has some issues, which you dealt with appropriately. She knew approximately when you would be back from your brother’s place and when you would be leaving to head home. She chose not to be there. You have nothing to apologize for.” Icy_Department_1423
9. AITJ For Being Upset About My Friends' Cruel Prank?
“A few days ago, Friend 1, who we’ll call Anna, called me around 10 o’clock asking if I could talk.
She explained to me that, that day at 12h, Friend 2, who we’ll call Paola, was acting “touchy” around her such as putting her arm around her waist, being visibly close, and stuff. Anna explained to me that she felt uncomfortable and that she didn’t see Paola that way at all.
I gave her a bit of advice and Anna told me that she’d send a message to Paola like I suggested and hung up.
That is when call number 2 happened. Seconds after hanging up, Friend 3, who we’ll call Pat, calls me.
She tells me she “has some tea” and that Anna and Paola might be secretly seeing each other.
Clueless, I tell her that Anna just called me to explain the situation and that she felt uncomfortable around Paola and wasn’t acting as if she was hiding a relationship or something. Pat asks again and I tell her again, although I specify that their being together could be a possibility, that it was highly unlikely.
I did think it was weird since Pat and Anna are best friends and wondered why she would prefer asking me for advice rather than Pat. But I ignored my gut feeling.
Then I receive a message from Paola asking to talk. I talk to her and she tells me she thinks she’s gay and has a crush on Anna.
She then really underlines that since I’m the only gay person in the group that wasn’t involved I was just the right person to talk to. In the end, I tell her to go talk to Anna about it and she hangs up.
Paola calls me and tells me Anna and her are together. I can’t help but feel like something is off. She explained that they just talked and decided on the call to be together and stuff and I said congratulations, feeling a little weird, and asked her if I was the first person she told.
She said yes and asked me to tell Pat about it for her since she just couldn’t. I hang up and call Pat.
I immediately knew something was wrong when I heard Pat’s “yes”. Because it wasn’t Pat’s voice. It was Anna’s.
So I ask:.Anna..?
And that’s when they burst out laughing. All three of them. They were together the whole time.
They started explaining that this was a prank and that they weren’t planning on it going this far but since I believed them so easily, they just kept going.
After hearing them say those words, I hung up, turned off my phone, and started to cry when I realized that they just decided to bother me, making me believe that I was useful in any way, that I was part of our group for once in my life instead of invisible, just for laughs because they were bored. It seemed so obvious when I looked back at it, that they were messing with me since I’m an easy target.
Stupid gullible me who believe everything they said.
I feel like I should let it go but after all those years of just saying nothing and them not realizing that what they do is not okay, I don’t think I want to.
So, am I the jerk”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what they did was cruel. They decided to manipulate you and mess around with your head for their amusement. These aren’t friends, they’re bullies; and you don’t matter to them, not really, push comes to shove you’re the joke to them.
The fact they felt comfortable doing this tells me they don’t care that it’d hurt you.” SnarkyQuim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a dumb and stupid prank that completely minimizes actual SA. It sounds like you’re at the age though where your friends are more prone to doing things like this because they don’t understand how horrible their actions are.
You just have to judge whether you think this is an isolated incident or a sign of their actual character. Maybe explain your feelings to them and see how they react. That might give you a better understanding of whether they made a mistake or if you’re in a toxic relationship with them.” Jbwest31
Another User Comments:
“Right. Ok. Sounds like you just got a reality check. You need to teach people how to treat you. If you don’t like the way relationships are going in your life, then it’s time to stick up for yourself. That was a prank.
Albeit not a very funny one. But a stupid choice on their part. To me- this wouldn’t be the end of the world- but you make it seem as though this isn’t the first time. That means it’s time to write something up.
Texting is often easier than saying things in person. That’s ok. Especially to start. If this just happened today, please do not text them until tomorrow- but it will likely help to write everything down. How you are feeling, what needs to change, what you want out of your friendships.
Tomorrow I would write a text explaining how disappointed you are that they continuously choose to treat you this way. Although these pranks might seem silly to them, they are only funny if all parties are laughing, and you aren’t. You put a lot of effort into your friendships and are hoping to not be singled out in the future.
You are not a jerk, but things won’t change unless you talk to them. Good luck.” IndividualFix6941
8. AITJ For Leaving My House Because My Father-In-Law Yells At Me For Being Lazy Despite Me Contributing A Lot?
Her father often says I’m lazy and don’t do anything, despite doing a ton at home.
Maybe in the past, like 1.5-2 years ago, I did less, but even my wife acknowledges I have stepped it up a lot. Both my wife and I work full-time at very good jobs. I do all the laundry once a week, I cook occasionally (my wife does not cook) and clean up after myself every time, I clean the house and take care of various household maintenance items, I manage our finances with advisors, I spend my middle of the week day off with my daughter one on one, and I would do more if I was allowed to.
I would take both kids on my day off but was told “No it’s too much for one person.” I have offered multiple times to bathe them but my wife refuses saying “Oh the kids aren’t used to you doing that stuff.” I sometimes feed them and change diapers but probably not as much as I should.
I always “eat first” because I’m rushing through it so that I can take over from her and her parents to feed the kids. My wife and her parents are especially slow eaters and take 1-2 hours for every meal. I eat in 5-10 minutes and then take over so that everyone can eat but they complain that I don’t help feed the kids first.
Her father yells in our house about me being lazy, even if I have been helping with every single item in the house. He doesn’t speak English so he doesn’t necessarily understand everything that’s going on. Yesterday it was so loud that it scared our children who began to cry in fear.
I said multiple times, you are scaring the children please stop but he kept going. I couldn’t take it anymore and left our house for the night to be with my parents. He yelled for 1-2 hours after I was gone. I told my wife that will no longer be in any place where he is because he constantly judges me and yells in our house and upsets everyone including our children.
Initially, she refused to kick him out in the morning but relented after an hour or so of us arguing about it and he left. I went to go get my work clothes and to my surprise, I saw him come back afterward on our ring camera.
I told my wife I won’t be staying at home tonight if he stays there and has not heard back yet.
I’m sick of being judged and talked down to in my own house. I know I’m not a perfect father or husband but I try to be a GOOD husband and father as much as I can.
She tried to defend his opinion saying that sometimes she feels that I don’t do enough, and I said that she can express those things with me in private but he doesn’t have a right to be so involved and in such an angry way.
She does think he shouldn’t be yelling, however. Divorce has been brought up by me (we have other issues mostly stemming from personal differences, some of which are related to this) but I’m scared about spending less time with my kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to expect to be treated with respect in your own home and to not allow people who refuse to behave in a reasonable, respectful, adult manner to visit your home. As your partner, your wife should have your back and the fact that she doesn’t even say anything when his behavior is scaring the children is disgusting.
While you may not be a perfect husband, that is something that is between you and your wife and it is both of your responsibility to communicate and work together. Her father is not entitled to give any input and he certainly has no right to berate you.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“The things you’re saying you would do if you were ALLOWED. You’re a parent. Don’t offer help- be a parent. Communicate that you would like to learn to bath them, and you would like to take over more of these responsibilities.
I don’t give my husband “permission” to parent his child, he just does it. That being said I don’t know why she is telling you no to these things and sounds like a larger conversation is needed here.” Dense-Passion-2729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is YOUR home.
Pets and houseguests require two Yes’s. If your FIL is shouting and being abusive, that’s a good enough reason for removal from the ‘welcome’ list. You aren’t keeping your wife from going to visit him somewhere else. Bottom line: it sounds like your wife has been oversharing her private marital issues with her father, and she’s created this monster problem because he’s been fed a steady diet of your previous ‘crimes’.
The two of you need some marriage counseling – a neutral third party who might be able to teach y’all some basic ground rules.” TrainingDearest
7. AITJ For Standing My Ground Against My Bossy Sister Over A Book I Bought?
“I (15M) went on an overseas trip with my sis (20F) to visit our grandpa. During the trip, my sis frequently bossed me around making me do things she didn’t want to do herself like asking a waiter for the WiFi password or turning on devices, while she sat texting or FT her partner.
Every time I refused she’d immediately text our parents complaining that I was misbehaving to get me in trouble.
At the end of our trip, my grandpa & I went to the store to buy snacks, candy, & food to bring back home. My sister stayed behind claiming she wasn’t feeling well.
Our mom had asked us to find a specific book & I managed to find it & buy it while with my grandpa. When we got back my sister quickly texted our mom in the GC claiming that “we” got the book, trying to take credit.
She took the book from me, packed it in her luggage & took 95% of the candy saying she needed more because she had to share with her partner & his family. She left only 1 pack of cookies for me/our family.
Frustrated by this, I told her I didn’t agree & I asked her to give me the snacks & the book so I could put them in my luggage, wanting to personally give the book to our mom.
My sister became agitated saying she’d already packed it & would give it to me in the morning & stop making a big deal. I knew she was trying to distract me, hoping I’d forget since we had to wake up early for our flight.
The next morning I asked for the book again & predictably she said “It’s already packed I’ll give it to you later” meaning when we got home. We argued, so I started unzipping her luggage to take it. She tried to push past me but I stood firm causing her to stumble back and yell at me.
My grandpa intervened & I explained that she wasn’t giving me the book I found. When he talked to her she insisted it was already packed, and he shrugged it off saying it was too late.
I refused to drop the issue & said “Fine, you can go without me then” & went back to my room.
Moments later she stormed in & slammed the book on my bed. So we left for the airport. Just 5 minutes away my sister suddenly said, “I can’t feel my hands” & started screaming & crying, seemingly having a panic attack. My grandpa immediately turned the car around & drove to the ER.
We then arrived at the airport 3 hrs later with only an hour left before our flight forcing us to leave our checked luggage behind. We barely made the flight.
Once we landed my sister immediately played the victim to our parents, who sided with her & got upset with me.
She clung to my dad like a helpless child & he blamed me for our late arrival at the airport, nearly missing our flight, & told me I’d have to pay for the luggage to be returned because it was all my fault.
When we got home, my sister’s partner was there waiting.
My parents, sister & her partner sat around discussing her anxiety attack & how concerned they were, all while ignoring me.
AITJ for standing my ground against my sister which led to her anxiety attack?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry that I don’t have a lot of experience, but NTJ.
I get panic attacks, and can just say that your sister was definitely in the wrong, you were not the cause of the panic attack. She is the one who wanted to stay home texting, while you went out of your way to find the book.
How is your grandpa in this situation? Is he on your side? Is he trying to explain to your parents and her partner that you were the one who found the book? What about the candy? Did YOU pay for it? Your sister just sounds entitled, just because she’s the older one, and I am mad at this, as all my siblings are older too, and always would boss me around.
I’m sorry you have to go through this, however, I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, don’t break a relationship with your sister over this, or you will be in the “wrong” again. Next time, however, hide your gifts.” YoKaiWatchWoFfan
Another User Comments:
“Oof, NTJ my friend, and I am sorry you have to deal with your sister behaving this way. I imagine she does this often, considering you already knew what tricks she was going to play. When dealing with people who are manipulative like this, the only way forward is to ignore the behavior and stand your ground.
They will eventually do less to you when it stops working. Though, sadly, this may not be the case with your sister if your parents continue to coddle her.” EsharaLight
Another User Comments:
“Your sister has been allowed to treat others badly, get away with obnoxious behavior, and lead your parents around by the nose.
If I were a different type of person, I’d suggest tossing the book in the fireplace. Instead, I will suggest you enjoy *your* book. You found it, you paid for it, and you had to suffer through your sister’s idiocy – you earned it. The next time she acts that way call emergency services.
Every. Single. Time. Record some of her antics. Completely ignore her bratty behavior when she attempts to get a rise out of you. Eventually, she will show everyone exactly who she is, especially when she no longer has you to torment. NTJ.” ahopskip_andajump
6. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With A Stranger's "Divine Vision" About Me?
I swear I’m not making this up and I don’t know how to feel.
I’m an 18F and in the weeks leading up to my moving away for college, my mom has been taking my brother and me to church every weekend. I play along but the truth is that I’ve been a non-believer for a few years now and I get mini panic attacks every service from the imposter syndrome.
This story happened yesterday and it’s the last sermon I attended before I move in this Friday.
The service was over and we were getting ready to leave when this group of people stopped us: a guy with glasses, a girl his age, and an older woman).
He excused himself before mentioning that he had had “visions” of me. I was in a Cinderella gown, I was condemning my friends for their sins, and that I would play a very large part in God’s plan. Very eerie “chosen one” stuff. I knew immediately that he was lying because I am not Christian and haven’t been for a long time.
However, when I look over at my family for assurance, my brother is fixated on him and my mom is close to tears. I get a very uneasy feeling in my stomach.
He has told my mom that she was a good mom even though she doesn’t feel like it.
This hit her hard because my mom has lots of insecurity she deals with and is constantly working overtime. Just a reminder: he doesn’t know us. But he kept specifically coming back to me.
“You’re unique, but that makes you special. You have a very important part to play.
You are not alone.”
By this point, I’m incredibly uncomfortable. I’m glancing around the church in desperation. Finally, the older woman takes my hand and they make a prayer. My eyes stay open and continue to frantically look for intervention.
My mom confronted me later to ask what I thought of it.
I told her the truth, how I felt uncomfortable with how much he focused on me when he was a stranger, and how his essentially sharing fantasies about me was weird. She got very defensive. She argued that he didn’t know our family but he had a divine gift. She blamed me for having my walls up and being very cynical all the time and told me she would just have to pray that I would accept it as God’s word.
I feel like I’m going insane. This is the same mother who sends me safety reels daily on Instagram, but now that it’s someone’s “gift from God”, I’m supposed to feel grateful and fulfilled. I feel betrayed that my mother doesn’t validate my feelings. I tried to tell her that it was easy to pick up on our personalities based on how she appears to be a single mother since our dad doesn’t attend, and how I present as guarded based on how tense I am at church because of the negative experiences I’ve associated with it.
She’s convinced this was real. I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to react to this experience. All I know is that my gut was telling me that something wasn’t right. AITJ for how I reacted? I don’t feel blessed, I feel singled out and preyed upon.”
Another User Comments:
“Of course not, everyone around you is freaking insane. I can understand that you need confirmation since you seem to be the only member of your family who isn’t bonkers. Although to be fair to them, religious gullibility abounds and they are far from being unusual. I hope you are not going to a religious college.
If not, life will normalize when you get away. Just hang in there, it’s not you…it’s them.” No-Raspberry-4437
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because it happened in a church doesn’t make the strangers’ oddly intrusive, obsessive behavior appropriate. You are 100% correct: he was sharing his fantasies about you.
You should not have been pressured into standing there for it while he preyed on you. Your mother wanted to buy into it because she liked the vision of you and herself he presented. Just know that you’re unlikely to fall prey to a cult leader or other con job, and that’s a good thing.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“You feel singled out because you were. Your mom chooses to believe this encounter has a special meaning. Given that she’s intertwined it with her faith, it’s unlikely you will change her mind. Part of growing up is learning to accept that our parents are fallible and that in some ways we can’t change them.
I don’t think this is a fight you’ll ultimately convince her of, although you’re welcome to try. (If you do, try to come at it from a place of understanding/compassion for her so she’s less defensive.) Ultimately, I think your best bet is to say, “I understand that you want to pray for me, and I can appreciate that the sentiment behind that comes from a place of love and hope for my future to be positive.
I hope that you will also accept that I don’t believe in a higher power (if this is true — and if you’ve already admitted this to her) and accept the way I ultimately choose to live my life.” After that, there’s not much else to say, honestly.
If this is the only time this happens, you can chalk it up to a creepy and unpleasant — but ultimately harmless — experience. But maybe stop going to church with her? If this person is going to be there again, you will continue to feel harassed and called out in a way you don’t deserve.” Clear_Suggestion3107
5. AITJ For Keeping The Lights On While My Inconsiderate Roommate Sleeps?
“So, for the past 15 days, I (20F) have been living in a shared hostel room in a new city because I have some internship work here.
I’m here for the whole month of August and need to stay 2 more weeks.
The roommate I have here is a college student who’s been living in the room alone for the past 2 years since incidentally, nobody else rented the other bed. So I did know that someone who was living alone would have a tough time adjusting, and I only had to stay a month so I didn’t mind her quirks which bothered me (she always wakes up at 6 am, turns on the lights, takes showers with music and is extremely loud while talking on the phone in the morning).
It disturbs my sleep of course, but I have an eye mask and earplugs so I managed since I didn’t feel it was worth getting into it with someone I have to stay with only for a month.
I’ve been swamped with work for the past few days, meaning that I’ve had to work at night.
Now there’s no common space to work in outside the room, so I’ve been working the room at night with the lights off so my roommate can sleep. I don’t mind working in the dark (I’ve been told it is bad and would strain my eyes, but I do let it go and accommodate if I’m sharing).
So today, I had a lot of work and slept late. Again, in the morning, she wakes up and does the whole thing of opening all the lights and talking loudly. I ask her for some consideration that she turns the lights off when she leaves, but she doesn’t do that.
When she comes back (so there’s a shared table in the room and a shared chair on which we both had kept our stuff), while I’m in the washroom, she takes off all the stuff from the shared table and chair and keeps it on my bed. I asked her why, and she said she needed to work.
It’s fine, I let it go since I have to only stay for 2 more weeks. She turns on all the lights again. I’m extremely tired and sleepy since I slept late for work and asked if I could turn off the lights for today only please, she said no she’s working.
So I manage and sleep through that (not a good sleep because of course she has to call her mom during the study time and talk loudly, almost like she’s purposely doing it?)
But now here’s where I feel like I’m the jerk. Even though I did let go of everything, it still kind of made me upset, so that night I said I was working and would keep the lights on.
She said no and started saying that she cannot sleep without lights off but I told her that she always turns it on when I’m sleeping, and I always endure it and today also I slept through it so she should manage too.
She tried to pester me many times but I said no.
I know it’s petty, especially when I don’t mind working in the dark, but I felt I was being stepped on too much and needed to do something to equate it. If that make sense? I don’t know. But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nah you were being way too accommodating bro.
Like ok, she’s used to living alone but it doesn’t take a genius to be considerate of another person and adjust. Plus it’s not like you didn’t tell her your needs, she’s just being a jerk. Plus you are paying your share of rent for the room so you are entitled to use it as you wish.
Although I think it would be a pain to keep this petty fight going I think it’s worth teaching her a lesson. Do the same things she does to you because she needs to realize how much you adjusted. She would eventually need to room with someone in her life, wouldn’t she?
This is good practice.” tapsisdumb
4. AITJ For Defending My Sister's Method Of Getting Her Kids To Eat Veggies?
“So I (25M) am the youngest in my family. My two older sisters Brianna (37f) and Emily (40f) are both married and mothers. I’m seeing someone but not married or a parent yet. But, and this is relevant, I work in childcare, and for the past 2.5 years, I have been working with kids in a daycare that provides both baby/toddler care but also after-school care for kids.
So no parenting experience but experience taking care of kids and feeding them.
Brianna has two of her three kids who are very fussy/picky eaters. She has struggled for about a year to get them to eat any kind of veggie. She confided in me about four months ago that she was seriously considering hiding veggies in sauces and other stuff, coming up with creative ways to hide them.
But she was worried she’d be judged for not just taking a stand and making them eat the veggies. I reassured her that it wasn’t something she should be judged for and informed her the daycare I work at does that very thing for the meals we provide.
I said it helps kids eat better without all the fights and at the end of the day getting this stuff into them is more important. And kids can be stubborn. I shared some recipes we use at the daycare and she started making them, which worked. She was so happy because now her kids are getting so many veggies into them instead of none.
It also helped her introduce a bit more fruit as well.
Emily found out about Brianna’s method of hiding the veggies and shamed her for it. She called her a bad mom, said she should be making those kids eat their veggies normally and only lazy parents or parents with awful kids need to go to such measures.
They fought about it until Brianna told Emily to mind her own business.
But that isn’t Emily and at our parent’s house Sunday she brought it up to shame Brianna some more. Brianna told her to mind her own business again. Then Emily said it was something I would suggest. I told her I did.
I stand by what I said too. I told her it was also none of her business. That it’s not being forced on her so she needs to leave it alone. She said she would raise a fuss if her kids were fed that way.
She wonders what kind of daycare I work for when they don’t teach kids to eat veggies. I told her she’d be one of those nightmare parents who’d expect daycare workers to stand over their kid and try to make them clear the plate or expect us to do most of the work in getting them to eat better.
Emily said it’s lazy. I told her she’s just judgemental and she shouldn’t be, because nobody can be the perfect parent, and Brianna is our sister and doesn’t need to be shamed by her for feeding her kids. Emily told me I was always such a brat and I told her she was always a judgemental jerk.
Our parents asked Emily to leave.
Tuesday night she called and told me I had been harsh and as the eldest and my big sister, I owed her an apology for how I labeled her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone pays the best they can with what they have.
In a perfect world, children would eat anything their parents gave them but that’s not how it usually works. You did a great job supporting Brianna when Emily overstepped. That said Brianna needs to work on standing up for how she’s raising her kids. Sneaking veggies into food has been a thing for a very long time.
No shame in that game.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“Sheesh. I get why Brianna was nervous about being judged, with your eldest sister acting like that. Both you and Brianna tried to de-escalate by telling her it’s not her business. If she doesn’t want to be called a judgemental jerk, maybe her best move here is to learn to keep her opinions to herself.
NTJ” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My son spent ages 2-3 refusing to eat protein in any form. Yes, it was super weird. In desperation, I put cake sprinkles onto an egg I was frying for my own breakfast & *he loved it*. I spent 2 years putting sprinkles on eggs, sprinkles on peanut butter sandwiches, sprinkles on beans….
My pediatrician thought it was hilarious. I only cared that the kid was getting protein! Your sister is judgemental & frankly wrong.” CampfiresInConifers
3. AITJ For Telling My SIL That I Wouldn't Consider Her Future Kids My Niblings?
“Last weekend we were having coffee with my SIL and 3 of my niece’s classmates’ moms. We are all kind of “friends”. While I don’t have kids it’s normally me who takes my niece to dance classes and her performance/presentation and all the dance-related things while my SIL stays at home with my nephew because he is still a baby and is kind of disruptive in these situations (the dance teacher is really strict).
One of my niece’s classmates (actually her BBF) goes to dance classes with her and that’s how I got close with that mom (let’s call her Laura). And even if we are not like close friends we hang out sometimes and when the 4 moms reunite they include me or invite me.
While we were having coffee one of the moms (let’s call her Olivia) mentioned a story she read on Reddit about how a widow doesn’t allow her kid’s aunt (the dead husband’s sister) to see the kids because she doesn’t treat the kids of her new marriage the same way.
And she asked me as an aunt my opinion.
Well, the first thing I said was please to apologize because as I am not a mom I can’t sympathize at all with the mom of the story but I feel sorry for that aunt because the other kids are not her family.
Then I said let’s put an example if my brother and SIL get a divorce or my brother passes away, at that moment my SIL put a face like OMG!!! (here I can also be the jerk) and look directly at my SIL and say: I know you tend to misunderstand words so I am NOT saying I want or wish that to happen I am just setting an example.
The other mom (Nella) laughed and said something like: We know how she is don’t worry this is just an example.
Then I continue saying that in a case like that if she remarries and has more kids then they won’t be my problem at all and it’s not my responsibility at all to take care of them or provide for them or love them.
Because my niblings are my niblings because they are my brother’s kids, not hers.
Then my SIL asked me with a straight face: Is it the opposite? Well if my brother has kids with another woman they are my brother’s kids they will be my siblings.
So of course I will treat them like that. And I asked her: Like you mentioned if it’s the opposite do you expect your 3 sisters to love or provide or whatever for the kids my brother has with another woman? If looks could kill I would be in a funeral right now.
Since my SIL sisters don’t even care for my niblings right now.
And then all the other 3 moms agree with me Olivia even says that her sister is married to a man with 2 kids and since at 5 years she had only met them twice a year she doesn’t even consider their siblings.
And we just stayed for like an extra hour. But the rest of the time you could see my SIL was upset.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it was a hypothetical to everyone but her, and was a reasonable thing to say, especially since you didn’t even raise the hypothetical!
The person who asked you asked you specifically because you are an aunt, so they already started that! And NTJ for your opinion too. If anyone’s ex-sibling-in-law has more kids, they are in no way related to you, they are not your siblings, and they don’t need to be considered family.
Depending on how the split goes, and how the sibling and their ex are, I can see situations where everything is amicable, and say the new partner doesn’t have much family of their own, I know some people who would welcome them all into the fold, but that is by far the exception rather than the rule.
Flipping this a bit, two of my uncles got divorced, and unfortunately, that meant that I lost my tie to their wives, my aunts. I still consider them my aunts, but I haven’t spoken to them since the divorce because we only hung out as a family, they live in different cities, and whatever.
If one asked if I wanted to get coffee and catch up or something, I’d be really happy to see them, but the fact is, *we aren’t related, so there are no family ties to keep us together.* It’s a very similar situation to this, just with slightly different roles.” Aggressive_Cloud2002
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your logic is sound, but your tact is off. When you noticed that your SIL was getting upset, you should have stopped outlining a hypothetical situation in a way that she found hurtful. There was no point. It was an inconsequential discussion, and you prioritized expressing an idea over not needlessly hurting a family member’s feelings.
What did you gain by doing that? What she heard is that you don’t consider her family. If her husband passes away, she ceases to matter. That is cruel and exclusionary. How is she supposed to feel like she belongs in your family when you say things like that?
And, if her husband did pass away, she would be at her lowest and lose half of her support system, which would be devastating. Here’s the thing: you don’t strike me as a mean person. I think you just intellectualized what you were saying and ignored the interpersonal aspect.
If you care about her, please reach out and make it clear that you love her and consider her family. If you don’t care about her, consider how it affects your brother when his wife feels excluded from his family. She has the power to steer him away from you and your family little by little.
It’s pretty easy for a wife to do that. Is that what you want? Or could you be a bit more generous in your heart towards her?” sledding deer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are their aunt through your brother. Your SIL isn’t your sister, she’s your sister-in-law.* Why is this so surprising to her?
Your primary connection is your brother. Any child of his is your sibling. Any child she has with someone who is not your sibling is not your sibling. If she’s mad about it, though. You’re just stating biological facts.” Cursd818
2. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Step-Sister After She Announced Her Pregnancy During Our Engagement Announcement?
“About four years ago, my partner and I had a pretty tough time, ending with the discovery we couldn’t have kids naturally. Towards the end of this period, I asked my partner to marry me which was an incredible highlight in a very tough period.
About a month later, we went on a week-long trip with my dad and step-family. On the first evening, my partner and I announced that we were getting married. About a minute later, my stepsister turned towards us and said that she was pregnant. We congratulate her on the news, but I already notice my partner getting flustered. A bit later she walks to the bathroom and my dad’s wife follows to console her.
She says her daughter is a bit insensitive and should’ve let us celebrate. The rest of the evening, my partner was quite visibly emotional. Later, we did talk about how we couldn’t blame her for being insensitive about our situation since nobody knew it yet.
Fast forward to 2024. Everyone now knows we can’t have kids. And we’ve realized that not having kids comes with a ton of freedom, so the sadness is gone.
We visit my dad and that evening his wife mostly ignores us. It turns out she’s unhappy with us because of the tensions between us and the daughter.
We weren’t aware of tensions, we just don’t like her much and therefore don’t interact with her a lot. We’re then told that we don’t like her daughter and grandkid because we can’t have kids ourselves and that we are still angry about four years earlier.
My dad then said that we could’ve gone to my step-sister the day after, to explain why we didn’t seem happy after her pregnancy announcement. I said I thought it was a crazy thing to ask, at a point, we weren’t even ready to tell any people, let alone her.
Then my dad said that we could’ve gone to her a year later to explain what happened the year before. I told him that we’d already gotten over it and weren’t even aware that this was an issue, so we didn’t even think to do this.
Finally, he asked us to sit down with my step-sister and pretty much apologize for making her feel bad. I told him that she never even approached us to ask what was going on. She also never approached us to tell us she was still feeling bad because of that moment.
And finally that I refuse to apologize for being emotional since people are allowed to be emotional without having to apologize.
I then told my dad and his wife to leave our house and that I would talk to my dad about this some other time.
I later told my dad that we would not be joining any family gatherings until all of this stuff had been discussed in a way that made us feel safe again around them.
Should we have paid more attention to the feelings of my step-sister and apologized to her, or at least explained why we responded emotionally?
AITJ for not wanting to go on trips with the stepfamily anymore and placing our feelings above the family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s 4 years ago, step sister should get over herself. If anything she should be apologizing because regardless of your situation about kids, you had a pretty great announcement about your marriage and she had to make it about her.
Now that she knows you can’t have kids she’s also making it about her again. It’s all me me me without giving any consideration to you and your wife, You did the right thing.” NothingMatterAnymor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! This is an unbelievable amount of drama.
Y’all don’t gel well with your step-sister which happens. Also sometimes it happens that any happy announcement brings up awkward not enthusiastic feelings for people hearing it. Why do your stepmom and dad need to be so involved? If she cared so much and not just in a stir the drama way she’d approach you!
You are sane and rational – do not feel like you have to engage with them on this and enjoy your happy child-free life!” Lurkerfrompluto1985
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know how to judge, but I don’t think you’re as blameless as everyone else in this thread seems to be.
Yes, your step-sister shouldn’t have announced it right after your announcement. But it was a family vacation, and you say your dad and step-family….other than your dad, was it people she was significantly closer to? She probably had planned to make a big announcement the first night, excited to have her family gathered, and got caught off guard by someone else making an announcement first. She should have just been disappointed, and waited until the next day to make her announcement….she was wrong in that part.
So….for 4 years, you’ve just refused to interact with your step-sister, don’t like her, and are “unaware of tensions”? You’re making your dislike of her clear to everyone else around you.” Usrname52
1. AITJ For Inviting My Partner To A Festival With My Ex?
“I (27f) had a friend, who we will call “Adam” (32m), who is also an ex.
We broke up after 1.5 years due to differing expectations of the relationship. It was a hard breakup, but we stayed friends. Everything was fine until I began seeing someone again.
I started seeing “Abel” (28m). Abel was aware that I had been involved with and was still friends with Adam.
Once I told Adam about Abel, Adam began acting strange. It began with inappropriate comments on my and Adam’s previous intimate life. Then it was comments about how Adam couldn’t get hugs anymore because I was seeing Abel, and would immediately stop texting if Adam knew I was hanging out with Abel (I never asked Adam to do this).
Then Adam demanded that Abel not be in my home while he was there, saying he wasn’t comfortable around Abel. At this point, Adam and Abel had met once and exchanged pleasantries but no deep conversation. I told Adam that he wasn’t able to dictate who was allowed in my home.
I asked if Adam would be more comfortable with another person that he knew while around Abel and I. Adam said yes.
Later, I, a mutual friend, and Adam were wanting to go to a local festival. I asked if Abel would be welcome. Both Adam and the mutual friend said yes.
At the festival, our mutual friend, Abel, and I arrived together a little late. We waited for Adam at the meeting place after letting him know we had arrived. After ~20 minutes, Adam sulked up to us, greeting the mutual friend and me, but barely acknowledging Abel.
We apologized for being late, but Adam just rolled his eyes. We began walking, but Adam wouldn’t walk with the group. We made efforts to include Abel in conversation, but he would just shrug. When looking at an art stall, Adam stood far away from the group.
I walked over to ask if he was going to look around with us. Adam shrugged. I prompted some more for Adam to join the rest of the group, but all that I received were clipped responses. I finally said, without making a scene, that if he wasn’t having a good time maybe he should go home.
I then went back to the rest of the group. After telling Adam to go home, he proceeded to follow the group around, glaring and looming over us. He didn’t say anything to the group or interact, just followed.
After the festival, Adam and I had a phone call that mostly comprised of him yelling at me.
Adam said that he was uncomfortable with Abel being there, even though the mutual friend was there. I asked why he didn’t say anything, and Adam said that he doesn’t tell people about his emotions and that I shouldn’t have even invited Abel in the first place since Adam was invited first. Adam continued to yell at me until I was sobbing.
I asked why he even stayed at the festival, and Adam admitted it was because he wanted Abel and me to feel uncomfortable.
I don’t think that I was in the wrong, but after talking with friends who know us both, I’m not that sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The problem is even though you and Adam broke up, he has the mentality that he’s single but you’re *his* partner. Navigating friendships with exes is hard. However, you’ve moved on and Adam can’t handle it. You were supposed to pine for him and not make your peace with your break up, pick yourself up, and move on with your life.
Stop bending over backward for this man. Either he wants to be friends or he doesn’t. If you invite him to do something and it makes him uncomfortable he needs to use his big boy words and say “No, thanks.” He’s acting like a sulky teenager who was told no.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I think ESH. Adam was being a brat, but he’s communicated he’s not comfortable around Abel. Pushing them together isn’t the answer. Adam doesn’t want to be around your BF. It was made very apparent by his rudeness.
Frankly, you both are not ready to be “friends”. ” Kab1212
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