People Defend Their Actions In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Wants Our Future Daughter To Have The Name His Late Mother Chose?
“My husband and I (both mid-thirties) have 2 sons. We both agree we would like more kids at some point.
My husband recently lost his mother, and when she first got sick, he told me that he had suggested to her that she choose “a name” for “her first granddaughter” (his mother has 4 grandsons).
His idea was that the prospect of having a granddaughter and choosing her name could give his mother something to look forward to and help her get better. I was surprised but supportive at the time, thinking a. that he was talking about choosing “a” name (ie probably a middle name) and b.
that if this could help keep his mother motivated through chemo then I would be a jerk if I made a fuss about it.
Fast forward a month later, MIL’s treatment had failed, but she had chosen a name for her “first granddaughter” and during her last few days I heard my husband talking to her about this future child, calling her by the name MIL had chosen, but I felt it wasn’t the time to discuss this with my husband since he was losing his mother…
A few weeks after my MIL passed away, my husband asked when we’d start trying to have (name chosen by MIL), and I asked my husband to confirm this was a middle name and that if we had a daughter together in the future we would choose her first name together.
He didn’t take it well, saying he wanted this to be the kid’s first name since this was his promise to his mother, but that if I wanted it to only be a middle name then he’d accept my decision (in a kind of passive-aggressive/hurt and disappointed manner).
He added that if we did decide to choose a name together, his vote would always be first name chosen by MIL.
I should mention that I do like the name MIL chose, but also that she had a daughter of her own who she got to name as she pleased…
I feel like I would be the bad guy if I put my foot down on this, but I’m upset that he made that promise to his mom in the first place since it would stop us from choosing the name of our first – and probably only – daughter together…
I talked this through with a friend who told me to let it go since he lost his mom and if I have a girl one day I should just give her MIL’s name since I like it anyway and even though she got to name her daughter years ago that’s not an argument for her not getting to name mine since “tastes change”…
So WIBTJ if I told my husband he really hurt me by not taking into account that I may want to play a part in naming my hypothetical firstborn daughter? Or should I suck it up since his mom was very sick, she chose a name we both like and I wasn’t clear enough from the start that her choice could only be a middle name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is manipulative and it was messed up to make a promise to his dying mother without even talking to you about it. If my son did that I would be upset at him and apologize to my DIL. I don’t care if his mom was dying because you don’t back your SO in a corner like that.
My husband and I discussed every name and if he tried pulling that I would tell everyone about it. It’s hard to be a manipulator if everyone knows it.” Wild-Onion8201
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – He is grieving. I suggest not rushing to try to get pregnant because if you have a boy, your husband might be disappointed. By asking if you’re ready to try for (baby girl name) I get the sense he is trying to hold on to mom’s memory or to try and keep her alive when right now, he has to get used to her not being here.
He needs to sit with his emotions and process losing her especially since she was so sick. Just back off and drop this. Help him through the grieving and support him but don’t make any decisions right now.” Extra-Signature1130
Another User Comments:
“In a way ESH… And yet still NTJ… I know it was hard to talk to him when he just made the promise, but you really should have spoken up.
Because you didn’t he was kept in faith that you supported his ridiculous suggestion of letting anyone choose any name for your future baby. Now you’re stuck with a name he has set his mind to. He’s extremely unreasonable in this demand. No one has any right to demand the other parent to accept a name.
And demanding the actual mother of the baby to just accept her dead MIL has not only a say in the future baby name, but the effing FINAL say is just… Wow… How delusional is this guy? If my husband had conspired behind my back with his mother on my kid’s name, I would have ripped him a new one.
OP was nice enough not to do that, but sadly she was so nice she didn’t even nip this in the butt when she had the chance. I understand letting MIL have hope and such, but she really should have told her husband “No! I’m not letting your mother name our daughter!
Wtf!? You can tell her she can choose a name and if she survives you break the promise, and if she dies she’ll never know anyway. And don’t you dare go behind my back with something like this again!!” I disagree with the other who claim to just let it go until you’re pregnant with a girl.
No. Do not string him along and pretend you’re okay with his betrayal (because yes, he betrayed your trust. Went behind your back and used his grief to get his way). This name thing could be a deal breaker for him and it’s unfair for all (living) to deal with this stress when you’re already pregnant (with a girl), before you spring on him that baby girl’s name is not MIL’s preferred name.” Whereswolf
21. AITJ For Reacting Negatively To My Husband's Large Flower Arrangement Gift?
“My husband (35m) and I (34f) live in a very small apartment. He got home today with a massive flower arrangement. I wasn’t in a great mood to begin with, and I just blurted out “This is too big, look where we live.” His response was “Oh, how pretty, thank you” as if that’s how I should’ve responded.
He was a little quiet after that and we haven’t talked much. We were not celebrating anything, he’s the kind of guy to bring flowers “just because.” I like flowers but I’m also a very minimalistic person and gifts are not my love language, so to receive such a large arrangement just makes me feel weird inside.
So back to the arrangement I don’t have anywhere to put it, it’s taking half of my dining room table right now and I’m going to have to break it down and put the flowers in vases which is probably not what he expected.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My husband kept buying me jewelry (I know, I sound super dumb for complaining) but I don’t wear jewelry at all. I wear my engagement ring and wedding band… That’s it! So, I just sat him down and asked why he always gets me jewelry if I never wear it… He admitted he liked getting me jewelry because it’s something I’d never buy for myself and I deserve nice things.
Which, I agree with him, but I told him I’d appreciate gifts I would use all the time… I started getting awesome presents after that… Brand new knife set, egg bite maker, waffle maker… Like, I love this type of stuff. I use my waffle maker at least once a week.
His coworkers judge him for getting me cooking and cleaning stuff, and think I’m going to get mad, but he knows I’d rather have the $70 Bissel handheld pet vacuum over a necklace all day every day. Anyway… YTJ for your response to a nice gesture.
COMMUNICATION is huge in successful marriages.” zoned-out28
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The love language thing is really important but you also need to honor his language too. Sounds like a nice conversation to have to clear the air. In relationships, especially marriages it’s so important to communicate.
If you have not explained your feelings and love language you need to. Even if it’s hard or uncomfortable. His act was out of love I assume, but try to understand how he would feel getting his affection thrown out in that moment. And yes bad days happen, but how we manage those emotions/moments is really important.” FunOpportunity7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Huge. I mean, wow. I don’t know if it’s rude, ignorant, unappreciative, or worse…or a combination. Heaven forbid he just does something nice “just because”. And that “it isn’t my love language” garbage doesn’t fly. Your response was obnoxious and borderline cruel.
Ever stop to think maybe part of his love language is to do things like that for the person he loves? This is why I hate that love language stuff – everyone talks about THEIR love language and too many act like that’s the only side that matters (and yes, it is mostly women who do it).
I’m seeing a woman who said her love language isn’t receiving gifts. Well, giving gifts is part of mine. When she realized that “Hey – the OTHER partner has a love language too!” she stopped being difficult when I brought her things. You will find yourself old and lonely if you don’t learn to show some appreciation over a nice gesture and stop acting like it’s only YOU and your “love language” that matter.” Facers70
20. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband's Reaction To Me Breastfeeding In Public?
“Breastfeeding has never been easy for me. I was engorged and I had to feed her while we were at his parents’ house. For those who don’t know what’s it like to breastfeed while engorged – imagine you have a full balloon and once you poke a small hole, it will continue to leak.
So once she starts, if she delatches, it will still be spraying and your clothes will be stained. So any distractions, she will delatch.
His nephews were also there. I chose the sofa with a pile of clothes. I put on a coverup but she pulled part of it off because she is a baby.
So some of the sides were showing. Again I was behind a big pile of clothes. He came by with a brownie and told me there were kids and I should cover up. I quickly got upset and told him to leave.
When we got home he said to me “you know how uncomfortable I am when you do that” And I flipped out!
Not only does he not support me when I am the ONLY one with the burden of breastfeeding, but he has to pull me down? I am beyond upset! I find this so inconsiderate and beyond selfish. AITJ for blowing up and being so upset by his reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know what I told my seven-year-old nephew when he saw me nursing my son and asked about it? “I’m feeding your baby cousin.” His response? “Oh, okay. Did you bring your Switch?” Know what my sister-in-law said about it?
Nothing. Know what my husband says about me nursing his son at any time, in any place? Not a darn thing. Your husband needs to go back to the 1940s.” Flufffiest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His comfort has nothing to do with feeding your child.
Kids don’t make a big deal over breastfeeding unless people like your husband make it into a thing. The only time it’s necessary or appropriate to segregate/cover yourself and baby to nurse is when it’s necessary or appropriate for you and the baby. If they’re inefficient because of distractibility or you can’t relax because you’re not comfortable in the environment, fine, but his delicate sensibilities can go out the window until he can lactate.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mostly for the sentence of how “uncomfortable” you make him. That’s real jerkish, considering how hard breastfeeding is. And I know that even though I’ve never breastfed myself. Is it worth blowing up over? Maybe not. Maybe he really can’t comprehend so he messed up.
Well… you blowing up was the consequence of that. You’re in a very stressful situation, with a new baby and he added more stress to it, shaming you even. Anyone who expects you to keep it together in that situation lacks empathy. Also, I really don’t get this obsession about hiding.
Babies need to eat for goodness sake.” rusalkamaya
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Second Expensive Destination Wedding?
“My (24F) brother (26M) is getting married in December this year. I am one of 5 kids and have always been especially close with said brother so of course I am so excited for him. He and his fiancée sent out the official invitations about a month ago and when I read it, well I was shocked. They’re having a three-day wedding in the Maldives.
And of course I’m happy if he’s happy, but this definitely sounds way out of my budget with the accommodation, flights, outfits, etc plus all of that for my husband and two-year-old daughter.
I went to lunch with my mom and some of my siblings last week and the wedding came up.
They also said that it seemed way too expensive for them to afford. (My brother is a lot more well-off than the rest of my family). Honestly, I probably would have just tried to figure it out and use savings or work extra shifts or something like that because he is my brother.
But this has happened before.
He got married for the first time just over 2 years ago. It was an extremely lavish wedding and it was all the way in Australia so there was the flights and accommodation factor there too. My daughter was a newborn at the time but we still used all our savings and whatever money we could up with to be there for my brother and it was great.
But I don’t have that kind of money to spend again.
I talked to my brother the other day about it and mentioned how we might not be able to make it due to the cost. I said I would love to spend the day with him and celebrate sometime before or after the wedding but he just blew up on me.
He said “first mom then Ruby and Tyler (some of my sibling’s names) and now you?” Apparently, some of my family had already mentioned how they wouldn’t be able to come. I felt awful but explained how it just wasn’t possible for us to be there with our current financial state.
He stormed out and we haven’t spoken since. Part of me feels like he’s my brother and I owe it to him and I should use some savings or sell a couple of things to go. But the other half of me feels like he can’t expect me to just throw away everything for a wedding.
So WIBTJ if I didn’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You simply informed your brother that his choice to have an international destination wedding for the second time in two years is too financially taxing for you and his response is anger?!?!?! Wow, he sounds very entitled. No one is obligated to put themselves into debt to attend his second destination wedding.
You offered to celebrate with him either before or after the wedding, but that wasn’t good enough for him. You and your family have done nothing wrong here.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two big destination weddings in two years is ridiculous. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it, and putting yourself into debt isn’t good for you or your family.
Ask brother if it can be live-streamed so you can “be there” without having to be there and you can throw him and his spouse a big celebration party when they’re back. It does sound like he’s not prepared to be reasonable about this, though, so be ready for him to say no.” OddBoots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also have a brother who is self-made and is extremely wealthy. He had a second wedding that was in a different state but I was able to come up with airfare because he understood my financial status and gave me a place to stay and everything else.
I would not have been able to attend his wedding had it not been for his understanding & help. I am so sorry that your brother is not the same as mine. Your brother is being very caught up in the moment, the second moment only two years later (?) And he is doing a dream destination wedding without any kind of consideration for his family or friends who may not be able to afford this kind of trip.
I’m really sorry for you because I know you want to be there for your brother, but you absolutely should not put yourself into a position where you have financial difficulties just to be able to go and support your brother. Since you said there are other family members who are worried about the expense, if I were you, I would just not try to continue to apologize or say anything else to him.
Let him hear back from other family members who can’t afford to attend the wedding; if you’re lucky, he’ll realize he was expecting too much of you and everyone else, and you guys will reconnect.” LuvLaughLive
18. AITJ For Insisting On The Spare Room Over My Sister During A Christmas Visit?
“I, a 28-year-old man, live abroad. I had a tough enough childhood to move to a developing country where I don’t speak the language and have lived there for the past 4 years with my amazing (foreign) wife.
Anyway, I traveled 18 hours from 4 am to the US to see my parents on Christmas day. My sister, a 29-year-old woman, “wanted to see me” despite not ever calling or texting except for the one-per-year birthday text. We don’t talk. She doesn’t give me a reason why.
I’ve asked. I’ve tried calling. I’ve tried having conversations over text. Nothing.
Anyway, she informed me that she’d be sleeping in the spare room and I’d have to sleep on the couch in the living room. Normally I wouldn’t mind, I love sleeping on couches but my dad doesn’t sleep in his room with my mother and sleeps on the floor in front of the couch with the TV on all night.
He refuses to turn it off. He apparently needs it to sleep.
Anyway, I’m a hardcore insomniac. I have a genetic variant (COMT met/met) that slows down adrenaline and dopamine metabolism so for me sleep is hard always. With a TV it’s impossible. My family kind of knows this and when I explained this to them they said it was an excuse.
I yelled at my sister to sleep on the couch because it was her choice to be there (she lives 20 mins away) to see me despite not having a relationship and only waving hi (no hug) to me when I entered. She cried. I slept in the room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Return to your wife. She appreciates you far more than your family ever did and will. They don’t deserve your presence for Christmas. They wanted you to come, and you did. Now you know not to go back ever again.” ElevatorOk8601
Another User Comments:
“And your parents have no say so in who sleeps where??? NTJ for not wanting to be a Cinderella for your sister. You must have a clue as to why she would want to barge in and shoo you away to the couch so she can sleep comfortably knowing you aren’t.
As to TV noise being called an excuse you use as if it’s not legit sounds like they all diss you. Texting via wifi with an Apple device can be done without racking up fees. So maybe that is why no response. Overseas. Think maybe an app Androids can use with someone using the same app overseas to bypass 25 cents or probably more now for each text.
FaceTime as well can be done without overseas charges. What makes you happy as to whether to visit them again or not…” pensaha
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Wife's Adult Children From Her Previous Marriage?
“My wife (50F) and I (56M) have been together for 13 years, married for 10. Both have adult children from previous marriages that are well established – working, married, etc. except for one son still studying. She has a teenage daughter who lives with us and we have a daughter together.
My wife has only worked for a limited period of time during our married life. I have a fairly well-paying job that I actually like. We own a property that we rent out at the moment. It all sounds ok so why do I feel like this?
Well:
1. My wife’s ex does not pay child support except for school fees, because of an agreement she made with him. I pay (wife has no income) for flights etc. for my stepdaughter to visit her dad every school holiday. He earns more than $180k/year.
Every time I bring this up it results in a major fight. All she says is that you knew when you married me that it comes with the package.
2. My wife’s son who is still studying receives study assistance from the government to the tune of $1000/month.
He has a savings account of over $10k yet my wife (no income) supports him to the tune of $300/month and his father’s contribution is zero. At the moment he lives with us due to a rental issue. He does not contribute at all. My wife buys his toiletries, she buys him clothes, he wants bottled water (we all drink filtered tap water)….
the list goes on.
3. Although I have a good job I have had to put a career on hold because my wife refuses to move to another state for a promotion. She wants to be close to her adult children who reside in the same state.
I have been offered a senior management position in my company. She said if you take the job I will have to move without her.
4. The latest is that I must ensure that my will makes provision for her adult children as well. I have no relationship with them and have never had one.
My will currently states that if I were to pass away before her then 80% would go to her and 20% would be divided between my two adult children. If she were to pass away before me then 40% goes to our daughter, 10% goes to my stepdaughter, and 25% each to my two adult children.
Her will does not provide for my adult children as she does not currently have one. Her children stand to inherit substantial amounts from their father. She wants me to change my will so that all inheritance is split equally between all the children. I am refusing to do it and it is causing major friction.
AITJ for telling her that it is not my responsibility to look after her kids from her previous marriage and I refuse to do so any further. If she wants to continue then she either needs to find a job; she has a degree and there is nothing wrong with her hands, or she must move to another state for me to take up a better position.
It will mean that she won’t see her adult children as often.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the key words here are: HER GROWN ADULT CHILDREN. You don’t owe them anything flat out. They are not entitled to anything from you just because you married their mother.
You had no hand in raising them and have zero relationship with them. They have a metric ton of audacity to think you owe them anything ask her to make her own will and then make the same demands of her – that your grown adult children be put on it and see how she reacts – if she refuses then call her out on her double standard nonsense.
Your adult children are no more entitled to her assets than her adult children are entitled to yours the only children you should feel obliged to leave any money to are your biological kids or stepkids that are actually a part of your life.” Etenial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like this is a sticking point in your relationship. You should follow your career because that is what you want to do, and you are in a relationship where your spouse wants you to lay everything down for her kids but does nothing for yours.
Since it sounds like this is a situation that has gone on for a long time and the discussions have gone nowhere, you should pursue the move, but you have to accept that either you are opening up moving with a bitter individual who will make it miserable to spite you, or leaving her behind.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“How are you married to this selfish lazy woman? Your children are old enough that she does not need to continue to be SAHM. She wants everything for her children but to be provided by you and the ex. How does she expect this to be split when she’s not even contributing to anything?
It’s messed up that she’s giving her son an allowance when he has 10k saved and getting study assistance. And what is wrong with you? You’re with someone whose ex doesn’t contribute to CS? He makes 180k, how messed up is that?
How have you let this relationship continue like this? I would walk because this is straight-up nonsense. You guys all suck, for different reasons.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Cancelling A Date After Encountering Red Flags?
“I (23F) met this man (32M) at the grocery store six days ago. I had just gotten out of the gym and was looking at protein powders when he made a suggestion & struck up a conversation.
It was basic small talk, are you from here, what’s your job, how old are you? He also asked what gym I go to, which I told him. He said I didn’t seem like I was from the small city we’re in and I told him I was actually from a big city about five hours away.
We talked for about 20 minutes and while we were checking our groceries out he mentioned how hard women have it being women and everything they have to deal with. He seemed decent so when he asked for my number and Instagram I gave it to him.
That night he texted me saying I’m a breath of fresh air, he just wants to admire me, I’m beautiful/gorgeous, & he talked about his attraction for me. At this point we had only talked for those initial 20 minutes and exchanged four text messages, my texts were just saying it was nice meeting you.
We discussed possibly seeing each other on Saturday.
On Tuesday, the day after I met him, he was saying how he can’t wait to see me again and joked about wanting to stop by my gym. This freaked me out but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was just a bad joke, but I did consider it a red flag.
On Wednesday he said he had closed a big deal at work and we were going to celebrate this weekend. On Friday I asked what he wanted to do on Saturday and he suggested walking around this college campus that’s in a different city and asked if I’ve ever been driving around this canyon (???) that was even further from the city we live in.
I suggested doing something more local and gave him some options I was more comfortable with. He was kind of rude & said his suggestions were local, but agreed to one of my options. I talked to my dad, all my family/friends live 5 hours away, and asked what he thought and he advised me not to go anywhere with this guy.
Saturday comes and the guy asks if the suggestion he agreed to was a concrete place to meet. I told him that I unfortunately had to cancel & that I’m sorry & hope he understands. In the span of 5 minutes, he sends me nine text messages and a voice memo saying he knew I would do this, I strung him along, I ruined other plans for him, why are people okay doing this, this is abusive, he didn’t expect this from me, this is so messed up, we had concrete plans & now he has nothing to do today.
I told him based on the way he reacted I’m glad I cancelled because it looks like I dodged a bullet. I proceeded to block him because he was honestly just scaring me at this point. He ended up making a new Instagram account to call me a time-wasting jerk, abusive, and a bully.
Am I the jerk for canceling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, abusive jerk. Good thing you didn’t go out with him, what a psycho. Would say r/niceguys for the texts, but he sounds worse than that. Glad you didn’t go out with him, and I’m sorry he’s harassing you.
Good thing your family and friends gave you good advice and you trusted your gut. Can you send his messages to his workplace?” yungsemite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man is a red flag. He’s pursuing a girl 9 years younger than him at an age where that kind of age gap is still significant.
The random comment he made about it being difficult to be a woman was entirely performative to get you to see him as a good guy. His dates sound shady and his reaction to you bailing is incredibly concerning. Would a normal person be a little bummed that you had canceled the plans?
Yeah. Would a normal person spiral out and spam you with angry messages and make a second account to continue contacting you after you block him? Absolutely not. This is not a stable man and you should stay far away from him. I would even alert the staff at your gym to the situation and show them a picture of him so they can be aware of what’s going on if he shows up.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are in a frightening situation. That casual conversation gave him your name, age, that you are likely here alone, where you work, where you work out, your phone number, and your personal IG account which might give him more info you didn’t realize you were putting out there (family, friends, where you live, what you are good at, vulnerabilities).
Be safe. Also, please know you can cancel anything at any time.” bunnyhopskip
15. AITJ For Yelling At My Biological Mom For Abandoning Me?
“I (19M) was raised by my dad. My parents had me at 16 and my mom wasn’t ready to be a mom. She waived her rights and my dad decided to be a single parent.
I’ve never had any anger towards my mom, it was always made clear that she wasn’t ready to be a parent.
She always sent a birthday card every year and last year I decided to meet her. We’ve been getting together for lunch and stuff for over a year.
She invited me to Easter brunch today to meet the rest of the family. Everyone was very nice. My grandma cried when she saw me and I was welcomed like family. Watching my mom with her kids was hard. I didn’t think it’d be.
I ended up leaving early because I was just overwhelmed.
As I was leaving my mom followed me out and asked what was wrong. I just wanted to get out of there and didn’t want to tell her. She pushed and I ended up yelling, more out of frustration, that she didn’t get to try to be my mom now when she abandoned me for a shiny new family.
I didn’t see her kids staring at us till after. She was obviously hurt but I just got in the car and left.
I’m walking around a park right now because I don’t want to go home. I feel bad about what I said.
Especially since her kids heard me and I don’t think my mom would’ve been a good parent if she’d stayed at 16. I don’t blame her for giving me up. But, it was bad seeing her as a good mom to them.
She’s called me but I haven’t answered. I know I’m probably the jerk. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and sucked it up.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Yeah you shouldn’t have blown up, and you know your words aren’t based in fact (she never *replaced* you, she simply had a family when she was ready).
The one thing that was true is, she can’t try to be your mom now. She is now a family friend who happens to be your mother. I think you do need to apologize. “I’m sorry for what I said. It was just too much to see you being such a good mom for them when you couldn’t keep me.
I know you made the best decision giving me up, and I didn’t expect this to affect me, but it hurts. I’m sorry for taking my pain out on you. I still want a relationship with you and my siblings, but I’ll need you to let me have space when it gets to be too much.”” penpapercats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While she made the right choice for her (and you) at the time, she still abandoned you. It still sucks. There will always be trauma from that. Even if you understand her decision, it still hurts. Seeing her do the things for her children now, that she couldn’t do for you is just rubbing salt in the wound.
As someone who has been in a similar situation, I recommend counseling (if you aren’t already going.) Having a neutral third party to help you process and work through all of this can be really helpful. Whatever you do, OP, be kind to yourself.” CrowJane13
Another User Comments:
“Oh you are doing the right thing you realize that your feelings were overwhelming and you were taking yourself out of that situation, I totally applaud that. I wish more of us were in touch and were able to do that. Your mom asked you you answered unfortunately your volume was not what you wanted it to be.
When you’re able to calm down and share how you feel with your mother I would recommend doing it at a later date face to face. And ask her if possible to just be you and her. You are not alone. You are not the only one who has felt that.
Sometimes it’s being a kid and then seeing your parents being a grandparent and all of a sudden they’re doing things and allowing things that were never allowed, you never were able to do that as a child but the grandkids are. And feeling jealous of a little kid in my experience was not a comfortable feeling.
I too was smart enough at the moment to take myself out of the situation. I had a sibling seek me out and ask me what was going on I told them. They were a little surprised but they understood. I’m just sharing that incident so you do understand that I know what you’re talking about.
NTJ sharing your feelings. a soft YTJ for yelling.” boiledpenny
14. AITJ For Moving My Food To My Room To Stop It From Being Stolen?
“There are 4 of us in the house.
I noticed that some of my food had been going missing.
I’m not unreasonable, if one of them ran out of something and took some of mine I would be ok with it if they told me and replaced it.
I asked the housemates about my missing food and they all denied taking anything. I ask if they have anyone over who may have taken it. They all denied it.
My food kept going missing so I bought a mini fridge, set it up in my room, moved all my fridge food to my room, and also moved my other food to a bookshelf in my room.
Later on one housemate saw me bringing food out of my room and asked why do I have my food in my room. I explained I was sick of my food being taken and everyone denying it so I moved everything to my room.
This housemate told the others what I was doing.
One laughed and said it was a good idea and the other said it was extreme but understandable. One said that I was overreacting and we should all share food in the house and I need to stop being such a child and bring my food back into the kitchen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as whoever food it is is being kept track of and not being put into a communal supply you can do whatever you want with your food, including storing it in another location. Since only one person cared and was complaining that sharing should be acceptable you now have a decent guess at who is responsible.” Free_Ad_7708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – someone is taking your food, you have come up with a solution. Losing food in a house share is common and one of the biggest causes of friction, the washing machine and washing up being the others in the top three (in my experience).
On the other hand, if you can get past the friction it can be great – I have wonderful friends from sharing houses that have lasted 25 years and counting.” Jstrangways
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The one who said you were childish is the thief. If you don’t have an agreement to share food then keep doing what you are doing.
When I shared a place in grad school I bought a mini freezer; best decision ever and saved lots of money. Everyone else had more space and they fought amongst themselves over missing food.” azurdee
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Parents All My Earnings?
“I’m 24f who come from a strict Vietnamese household.
I finally was able to move out from my parents’ house 1 month ago as they are the cause of my severe depression (I am now on antidepressants). They are mentally and emotionally abusive towards me so I had enough and left. Mum is more but Dad rarely is.
I was brought up in a household where I only understood that my parents’ happiness is most important.
Yes, you may think how am I this old but so stupid?
I followed their instructions and signed the papers to put the new house they wanted (costing 685k) under my name and used my name to borrow 100k from the bank.
I thought that was the end. Now they are asking for $100 each month, then moved to $500 each month, to $1k each month and just today they asked me to give them all the income I earn as a nurse. They told me to pay for my $740 rent and have $300 for personal use and the rest to be sent to their bank account.
And now they are saying they are doing what’s best for me and that I should send everything from my savings account I saved and send it to their bank account because “you won’t be able to save enough for a house anyways”. They told me they will give me 300k to buy another house and sell their 1.2m farmhouse and share it between me and my sisters.
I didn’t do anything because I don’t know, do I believe them? Do I not? I know they love me a lot, but I don’t know their intentions. I knew this was getting out of hand so I refused. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I know there are cultural considerations, and honoring and providing for your parents is one of them, BUT … you are being taken advantage of.
There’s a lot to unpack here, but basically, if you feel like you are being taken advantage of even with all of the cultural influence and parental conditioning, you probably are and should act accordingly. You need to take care of yourself and your well-being if your parents do not have your best interests at heart, and it seems they don’t.
If they did … think of it this way – if your parents think $300 a month plus rent is enough to live off of … why can’t they do the same? Why do they need all of your money for ‘safekeeping’? Wouldn’t it be just as smart to put that money in the bank or wrap it up in a CD or invest it?
If it’s not about keeping that money ‘safe’ for you, but rather about seeing to their own comfort and needs, then there’s no reason to feel like the jerk for saying no to increasingly ridiculous financial demands that would leave you near destitute (I don’t say ‘destitute’ lightly.
The amount of money they are saying to leave for your needs qualifies for the US poverty level, just to put things in perspective for you. Your parents want you to live in poverty). Look after yourself OP, don’t trust those who have left you with mental and emotional scars to look after your best interests.” kantankerouskat84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. Reading your post made me so angry for you! They are financially abusing you! Cut them off immediately and don’t give them a single penny more. Asian parents love to hold the “I sacrificed so much to raise you” over your head (I would know, I’m Chinese).
Them doing the bare minimum required as parents is NOT some mind-blowing amazing sacrifice.” Cat1832
Another User Comments:
“Go talk to a lawyer asap If your name is on the mortgage you are responsible for paying it. Contact the mortgage company to confirm. You should be able to get all the info as it’s your private information.
If the house is under your name then you are legally an owner or part owner. You likely have certain rights like the right to sell it and get the money from the sale. Don’t worry you are not trapped. But your parents demanding all of your money is way out of line.
They are treating you as a slave. Please talk to a therapist or close friend who will want the best for you. You are being taken advantage of and it is wrong !! Also want to say I am also Asian so I do understand Asian parents but this is beyond that.
It’s them literally trying to squeeze all your money and energy out of you for their purposes. Please put yourself first because your parents will not.” prunepizza
12. AITJ For Not Uninviting My Parents' Friends To My Wedding Despite Their Personal Issues?
“I am getting married soon and my parents are paying, so I am allowing them a certain number of guests.
They have a couple they are good friends with “Greg and Diane” who they planned on inviting. I’ve known Greg and Diane my entire life and consider her like an aunt.
Greg is a doctor and works with my MIL. He is very good friends with her, so I figured it was a double win because MIL was already complaining about my parents getting more guests than her.
Greg approached me recently and asked me not to invite them. He explained that his wife didn’t like him being such good friends with a woman, so he told her MIL was frumpy and overweight, which she is not. He explained that Diane was going to freak out when she met MIL.
I said none of that was my problem and I am not going to uninvite them, because it would make my parents mad. I said he shouldn’t have lied and he can figure it out. He tried to guilt me by saying I don’t know what it is like to be a doctor and he spends more time with MIL than his wife and kids, and Diane and I just can’t understand it because she doesn’t work and I work a normal 9-5.
I said sorry, but really not my problem and he can figure it out. He looked terrified, so I don’t know if I’m being too mean. The venue does have strict guest limits, so I could potentially come up with an excuse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you explained any of this to your parents? I am not sure I would want a guest at my child’s wedding if I thought there was a chance that they were going to cause problems. It is very unfortunate for you because you haven’t caused any of this, but something seems off about this situation and if I were you I’d be cautious about it because if a grown man looks terrified at the prospect of his wife seeing his coworker he probably has cause to be and I’m not sure you want to find out either way at your wedding.” isogaymer
Another User Comments:
“Ok so maybe I watch too much Grey’s Anatomy but this is my take. MIL and Greg are having an affair. Diane suspects and told your mom. Your mom was “defending” her friend while ignoring the damage she was doing to your relationship with your in-laws.
Be open and honest with everyone involved.
Parents: Greg has asked me to uninvite them, they are your guests and I would like your input.
Greg: I’m sorry but as you are my parents’ guest please speak to them about it.
Diane: I just wanted to be transparent with you and let you know Greg asked me to uninvite you and him from the wedding.
It is making me uncomfortable can you please talk to him about it?
Inform everyone involved that civil behavior is mandatory at the wedding and anyone who creates drama will be quickly escorted out PERIOD NO EXCEPTIONS.” Glittering_Cost_1850
Another User Comments:
“Going to go against the grain here and say ESH.
It sounds like Greg is trying to keep Diane from blowing up at your wedding. Whether or not it is because of infidelity on his part or insecurities on her part isn’t relevant. If they come and Diane makes a drama because you choose to keep them on the guest list then you will be the jerk to the person you are marrying.
As for your dealing with your parents, you shouldn’t have to explain why you are dropping people from the guest list. And if they won’t accept a simple reason without pushback or drama they are also jerks. Greg would also be a jerk if there was infidelity on his part.
But it does seem like this is a no-win situation since your mom is likely to blame your soon-to-be MIL for Greg and Diane not coming but an explosion situation that could ruin a wedding if they do.” Tiamont42
11. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Husband Another Cup Of Coffee After He Purposely Spilled The First One?
“My F26 husband M31 woke up “not in the mood” this morning and told me to make him a cup of coffee before he went to work.
I went and made it with extra sugar just like how he always likes it but when I handed it to him and he tasted it, he made a face and said it was too sweet. I told him this is how he usually has it but he said he wasn’t in a good mood today and told me to make another one.
Mind you, I was already 20 minutes late for work, I told him no and he already had one and should just drink it. The next thing I knew he dropped the cup on the floor “purposely” and said that “he no longer has it” and I should go ahead and make another one.
I refused and then we had an argument and I just walked out.
He texted me a bunch later saying I disrespected him and forced him to not have his daily coffee by acting stubborn and having an attitude. Then reminded me of how much work he’s picked and how much time and rest he’d sacrificed in order to help me while I was recovering from the birth of our son and that was just the first week then I had to get up.
He said I owe him, and that I should’ve returned at least one of his many favors instead of deciding to ruin his day. I came home and he’s here refusing to even look at me.
AITJ? Should I have just taken 5 minutes to make him another one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it worries me that you even had to ask if you’re the jerk. He’s obviously manipulated you so much to make you think that this could in any way be your fault. Lots of people on here jump very quickly to say divorce but in this case, I’d say absolutely think long and hard about whether you want to live your life with a “man” who clearly thinks you are a lesser being and is there to serve him.
Get a divorce, seriously.” turnip563
Another User Comments:
“Sweetie, This isn’t about the coffee. This is about someone being emotionally abusive to you. Your last paragraph has stated such. If he behaves this way over a cup of coffee, I would hate to see what he is like if his food isn’t made in time.
There could be two problems here, he is feeling neglected by you at having to take care of your newborn child or he has always been this way. Not sure if this is an attention grab or what but I am leaning towards the latter of him always being this way.
Also, from the sound of it, he orders you around. Not good! I would be preparing his luggage before I got him another cup of coffee. I would say get out of the relationship but I don’t think you are ready. But know this, you are being emotionally abused. Be well!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are so many issues in his behavior. He didn’t even ask you nicely if you could make him a cup of coffee, he ‘told’ you to make it, twice. When he didn’t get what he wanted he threw a temper tantrum and dropped the cup to make a point – ‘forced him to not have his daily coffee.’ Is he incapable of making himself coffee?
You didn’t force him to not have coffee, you made him coffee, exactly how he usually likes it. He didn’t want it, but it’s not on you to correct it especially when you’re already late to work – he’s using the birth of your child against you and he helped you out for a week, then you had to do it.
That isn’t a sacrifice given the sacrifice you went through to birth his child. You do not owe him for resting after giving birth. He’s acting childish by refusing to even look at you. This reaction is highly toxic, and he shouldn’t expect to demand you make him a coffee and then make another one when he decides he doesn’t like the one you prepared. He’s controlling and lacks empathy.” browniepoints99
10. AITJ For Monitoring My Friend's Safety In Her Dangerous College City?
“I (21m) have a friend (19f) who just finished her first semester at college. However, the college she is going to is located in a city known for being dangerous. I was supportive of her when she told me where she was going but I was a bit worried for her safety.
When I told her about my concern, she brushed me off and said that she would be fine. For context, her family lives in a kind of dangerous city but in a nice part of it. And even then, the danger is nowhere near the level that her college city is at.
I told her that she should at least carry a pocket knife with her and offered to buy her one for her protection. She said she had pepper spray and that it wasn’t needed.
Around the time that she was leaving for college, I was bored and looking at her college website and noticed that they had a text alert feature where you didn’t need to be a student to sign up.
I thought about it for a few days and decided to sign up for my own sanity. I told myself it would stop there but after a few weeks, I was subscribed to notifications for all of the major news websites in her city.
That alone probably would not have been too bad but I also realized that she always had her location turned on on Snapchat.
So I started checking that every morning when I woke up, when I had a break between classes, and before I went to sleep. Just so if I saw she was somewhere other than her dorm when I was going to sleep, I could make sure she got home safe.
We were frequently texting and calling during all of this and she would tell me about the people she was hanging out with so at the time I assumed this wasn’t a big deal.
Flash forward to last night when we were hanging out. She asked if she could look something up on my phone since hers was dead and in the other room.
I said yes and when she picked it up she looked panicked. She quickly asked me why I had a bunch of notifications about “city name” and I started to explain everything. I assumed she would think it was no big deal since we already tell each other basically everything.
But she started saying that I was a creep who was stalking her and that she needed time away from me. She left before I could say anything else.
The entire time I thought I was doing the right thing but now I see how I could have crossed a boundary.
I am fully ready to apologize no matter if I’m the jerk or not but I really want to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She made her boundaries clear that she was ok. You for some reason became over-involved/over-invested in her beyond what was acceptable at ANY level of a relationship.
It was creepy as heck, and if I were her it’d seriously make me doubt continuing the relationship. It was beyond unacceptable, and my concern is that you found it ok to do and are ambivalent about this. Apologize to her, and MAYBE you can recover the relationship.
But if your intent was to be more than just friends with her, you just blew it right out of the water.” ratmand
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Dude you were stalking her. I know that this all started with goodwill for her safety but that is no justification for going to the lengths you did.
Have a conversation with her about how risky the place can be and make sure she knows the risks, offer to help her be more prepared but don’t then take it into your own hands to monitor her for her safety! It definitely crosses a line and you should give her space then, only if she reaches out, apologize for it, don’t try to justify it.
Almost all stalkers believe they’re doing it for the other person’s well-being or at least that they personally are not in the wrong but you should be able to evaluate what you are doing and recognize it’s too much. As an FYI telling her to get a pocket knife is also a really stupid idea, the most that would ever lead to is an escalation or making her look very dodgy if she was found with it.
There is a smart way to go about helping your friends stay safe, none of this is it. You should seriously consider getting therapy because none of this is justifiable, you’re not her guardian angel and it’s frankly a little bit dangerous that you were able to go through all of this and justify it to yourself and even now not plainly see how wrong this is.” Jelly-Flopped
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t see anything wrong with what you did? You are NOT her partner, she has not asked you to check on her in such ways, so you come off as a creepy, obsessive stalker who has to know what she is doing at all time.
For your own sanity? She is not your property, not your person to worry about. You need a serious look in the mirror about why you would EVER think this is okay behavior. I really hope you can see why this is scary. You scared her.
Do not message her, do not even THINK about her. You have given this girl a fear she did nothing to deserve. She will be constantly thinking about how else you ‘check up’ on her.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Telling My Brother He Doesn't Have A Say In How I Spend My Pocket Money?
“My family is pretty well off. We are financially very stable.
Every month my (17F) brother (25M) and I get our pocket money. I’m currently saving up for a guitar I’ve been wanting. But sometimes I spare some cash to buy goods I really want. My brother usually spends his money on transport and eating out.
Recently I’ve been noticing that he’s been commenting on how I spend too much money on items. How every time my dad and I go grocery shopping I spend a little “too much” on skincare products. I used to feel guilty about it and also angry on the inside because I used to get his skincare stuff for him too.
He has also been saying how I’m taking our dad’s money for granted and I don’t have the hustle mentality. He likes to say these in front of extended family as well.
The last straw for me was when he tried to point out my recent expenses which I paid for from my pocket money.
So at one point I said, “Yeah, it’s my dad’s money. I do what I want. Dad isn’t complaining. Why do you care?” This seemed to upset him. This incident was about a week ago. He hasn’t talked to me since. My mum said I am a jerk since we have the same dad?
So, am I the jerk?
Clarification: Mum also tried to talk it out with my brother and me to bring us to a middle ground. I don’t know what she told my brother but I heard my brother yelling. We don’t get equal money he gets comparatively more considering his expenses.”
Another User Comments:
“Unless there is a lot of info you’re not giving us, you’re NTJ. You are 17, your brother is 25. It’s perfectly fine to give kids an allowance from an early age onwards to help them learn how to handle money. Pocket money is literally for what the kid wants, not for what they need. That’s how my parents handled it, and we weren’t exactly well-off.
I learned how to save up for “big” purchases instead of wasting my money on candy. Not-so-well-off families may not handle it like that and that’s okay. When money is tight, you have to be strict with spending. But my allowance stopped when I finished high school.
Your brother is 25, why is he still getting “pocket money”? Is he in college? Who’s paying for college?” KatKaleen
Another User Comments:
“Eh he came off rude about it, no reason to sugarcoat it on your end. He’s 25 and most likely dealing with some sort of bills which means he has less of his “daddy’s money” to spend on things he wants.
If he’s going to get upset at that he should just go make enough of his own money to support himself without help, then he can use any extra money he gets for whatever and I doubt he’d bother you again. NTJ.” Medium_Sleep9524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only thing I can think is that he’s embarrassed that he, an adult who presumably has to pay for at least part of his own rent + groceries, spends his pocket money on travel and food, and you, his kid sister, are spending your pocket money on stuff you want to buy.
I feel like what you’re doing is pretty normal. You presumably don’t have to pay for housing or food right now, so why not have fun with your allowance? It’s nice that your parents are still supporting your brother financially as a young adult, but he needs to understand that you are younger than him and that the two of you are not in the same position.
He’s embarrassing himself by being so publicly jealous of his little sister. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was making your extended family uncomfortable by taunting you all the time. If he’s so worried about having a “hustle mentality,” maybe he should tell your parents that he wants to make his own money from now on.” Z-PS
8. AITJ For Asking To Be Left Off Family Group Texts Due To Hostile BIL?
“I (37F) have a BIL (51M) who told me about a year ago that my married family (husband, 4 kids) and I are dead to him. I have no idea what I did to him and never have – he just doesn’t like me. I have asked, I’ve offered to discuss it, but he will not talk to me.
On occasion, my little brother (35M) has sent a group text to select members of our family. Eventually, I became uncomfortable because I didn’t want to send photos of my kids or share info knowing that my BIL would see them. BIL never engages in these text conversations that I’m in (only conversations I’m not in) so my presence just felt… unnecessary.
I asked my brother on multiple occasions to leave me off the group texts and explained my thoughts. He ignored it.
So, the most recent time I called it out within the group text and there were a lot of nasty things said by other family and my brother to me.
Basically, they told me that if they wanted to include the whole family they could (which they never actually included the whole family) and told me to get help, grow up, among many other things. My brother and other siblings would prefer to just not talk about it, don’t think what he has said matters, and believe I am being selfish for upsetting the surface-level discussions we occasionally have.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I can only imagine just how awful and awkward this must be. Have you tried speaking with BIL’s spouse? To get to the heart of the issue. Honestly, if they cannot respect your simple request I would probably just put them all on mute.
Good luck. I hope that one day you are able to resolve the issue.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can choose what kind of group text you want to be. By default, WhatsApp and consorts don’t ask for your consent, but you can set them to ask.
Once I was added to a “family” group with my maternal family with whom I’m mostly LC. The group was created first to share pictures of a get-together between the family members who live in my agglomeration – and where as usual I wasn’t invited (one of the reasons I’m LC).
I was annoyed to be added without asking and for something that felt a lot like a neener-neener act. So I changed the default setting to ask before being added to a convo. I never participated and didn’t leave either since doing it would probably start WW3.
And then after 2 months of family peccadilloes, my aunt (the same one who added me first) kicked me out of the group. Then one of my uncles tried to add me back, but with the invitation needed I had to give my consent. I didn’t.
Forcing my aunt to create a new group (or rename the older group) named “Nice Family” and ask me herself if I wanted to join. I politely declined and WW3 didn’t happen, or at least not to me.” Veeshanee
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your BIL doesn’t like you, and that is fine since not everybody needs to like you. It would be best for the entire family if he would actually discuss it. You either did something horrific in his eyes, or he is just a big baby.
It is what it is. You took more than the hint and seem to be on the same page. Your brother doesn’t give a darn about it and just wants things to be normal. He might think maybe if he tries enough things will be fine, or maybe he just doesn’t care since it isn’t his place to be a mediator or try to go out of his way to leave people on or off group messages.” Tealbox2
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Let My Brother-In-Law Win A Tennis Match?
“My partner and brother-in-law have had a friendly rivalry almost as long as my older sister has been in a relationship with him. Things have taken a not-so-friendly turn recently after my dad made a joke about the only thing my brother-in-law could beat my partner at was getting married first.
Now my brother-in-law is being super competitive and takes every loss badly. My partner is pretty good at picking up new skills so no matter the competition he usually wins.
My brother-in-law challenged my partner to a tennis match, which I told him was a bad idea since my partner has been playing tennis since he was a child and is very good.
They were both talking trash more than usual and I could see it was getting to my brother-in-law, especially when my partner said it would be his easiest win and my dad said he would watch them play.
I ended up asking my partner to let my brother-in-law win because my sister told me it was important to her husband to impress our dad and he was stressed he was going to lose and embarrass himself.
My sister found out I asked my partner to let her husband win from my partner and was upset at me. She told her husband who is angry at me and said I embarrassed him by forcing my partner to let him win and treating him like a child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. All the men in your family need to get their testosterone levels in check. Your father is pitching your partners against one another for his approval. Your partner is getting a kick out of beating the brother-in-law. Your brother-in-law is reaching desperate levels of approval-seeking.
Your sister and you are enabling all of them by playing by their rules instead of either telling them they’re all ridiculous babies or at the very least staying out of it. This sounds like the plot line of Meet the Parents/The Fockers or whatever.
If that gives you an idea of how bad and stupid it is.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“Yes, everyone sucks here. Your dad has apparently created this competition and the men are both clamoring over themselves to impress him. You should stay miles away from it, what you did was try to manipulate the situation and clearly, your partner has no qualms about sticking it to your brother-in-law by telling him what you asked him to do.
Maybe tell your dad to back down from pitting these two against each other…nothing good will come of it, why can’t everyone just chill and enjoy each other’s company…competition and all…without there being a ‘who is the best son-in-law?'” tinny36
Another User Comments:
“For trying to get your partner to lose on purpose in something it’d be completely obvious you’re the jerk but your brother-in-law is way too desperate to impress your dad and trying stupid things to do it. Your dad’s being kind of a jerk to your brother-in-law but for all I know it could be justified. Brother-in-law is acting like a child so it’s not surprising for you to treat him a bit like a child.
Lastly, I think your sister needs to stop enabling this stupid Meet the Fockers rivalry they’re not even competing over the same girl, brother-in-law is just desperate for approval from your dad.” Dry-Bad6018
6. AITJ For Discrediting Psychiatry And Refusing To Apologize After A Heated Debate?
“I’ve had bad experiences with psychiatry. I’ve seen people around me become heavily dependent on SSRIs and have very marginal improvements and sometimes none at all.
So I’ve resolved to never take any psychiatric medication unless I start having hallucinations or something.
I was at a gathering with friends and mentioned that I have difficulty being focused and motivated, so one of them said I should see if I can get a diagnosis of adult ADHD.
I said I don’t believe in psychiatry, and they all looked at me like I’m some kind of an anti-medicine essential oils quack or something. I started going back-to-back with one girl in particular whose parents are psychiatrists and said I fully believe in modern medicine but think psychiatry is the least scientific of all medical fields and psychiatrists have a huge issue with overprescribing with no caution about the side-effects of what they prescribe.
She became personally offended as if I was attacking her parents’ qualifications. She said it doesn’t matter what the facts are because I’ll believe “my nonsense” anyway.
It became a lot more heated than a friendly argument so I ended up leaving and the next day people from the party suggested I apologize since I’m the one who “started it.” I don’t want to apologize because it’s not my fault she took my generalized beliefs as being directed against her parents specifically.
Personally, I don’t care about this issue and would be happy to just agree to disagree but I can’t apologize for something that’s not my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You can’t pick and choose parts of psychiatry that would only help you (get your diagnosis of ADHD).
I’m a medical student and psychiatry is just as much of a medical field as internal medicine, surgery, dermatology, etc. Here are a few questions for you. How do you know which substance to give to a combative patient? Can you give bupropion to X group of patients?
How do you know which bipolar (I or II) the patient is dealing with? Which antipsychotic medication do you give to patients with depression-resistance medications (like to SSRI)? If you can’t answer any of these, then stop degrading the field of psychiatry. Why? Because you’re not a psychiatrist. On top of that, they took 3 US licensing board exams. The shortest one is 8 hours long.
Some are two days with 9-10 hours. They also take their psychiatry board licensing exam by the end of their 4-year psych residency. I hate when non-medical professionals think they can debate the validity and accuracy of medicine when they have no training or background in it.
Sure, you can discuss what would be the best option for you with your physician, but you claim things you don’t obviously know.” Evanescentlyy
Another User Comments:
“1. People really don’t get “addicted” to SSRIs. However, withdrawal can be a beast. It doesn’t mean the body is addicted, though.
2. General Practitioners often overprescribe major psychiatric meds. This isn’t just a “psychiatrists are quacks” issue. It’s actually that all doctors need to be more aware of potential side effects. 3. I’m very curious about your sample size. Most people don’t need psych meds. How many are you around that need “heavy meds”?
4. YTJ for being so dismissive and engaging in this fight like you did. Time and place, man. This wasn’t the place for your battle.” EinsTwo
Another User Comments:
“Let’s establish a few things: 1 – You don’t have to “believe” in science: it just works and scientists themselves question it every day trying to find fallacies and improve its ability to capture reality’s complexities.
This stuff people keep saying about “(not) believing in science” is just a shameful way to try and drag science to a totally subjective level, so that they can push their own anti-scientific beliefs without having to actually deal with the “leviathan” made of decades of researches and discoveries that would prove those beliefs wrong.
2 – SSRIs are not the universal solution to every problem, in fact, they don’t work in many cases and that is why medications based on other principles are available. 3 – Using your beliefs as if they were proven truths is formally incorrect, because what you believe is not necessarily real. You can see where this is going: what I am telling you is that you are wrong on multiple levels and you should really try to understand this.
I don’t think that “jerk” is the exact word I would use to describe you, but considering the subreddit we are into I have to say that YTJ.” CandiesAintMe
5. AITJ For Telling My Husband Not To Give His Inheritance To His Wealthier Brother?
“Before my FIL passed away my husband (56) said to me that he was going to give his inheritance to his older brother.
Now for context my BIL has never owned his own home and would be considered homeless by some definitions, however, he is not poor he earns more than both my husband and me combined. He also stayed with my FIL whenever he was off work.
The reason he has never had a home in my mind is that he loses a lot of funds betting on sports as well as living in London where it’s more expensive. I have made it clear that if he were to move to the town where we live (which he has expressed interest in) he would be welcome to move in with us if he wanted/needed.
When told my husband that he shouldn’t give away the funds and should instead be thinking of himself, and me, who are comparatively less well off, and our children (who are both adults but again, earn less than my BIL) he got really angry and even called me a greedy jerk who doesn’t have a right to say anything about his family decisions.
He disagreed with me that being married to him for 30 years gave me a right to say anything, if the situation was reversed I would definitely consider him part of my family.
Eventually, he said that instead of giving him the money directly he would try and convince my FIL to change his will to give BIL his share.
In the present, my FIL has unfortunately passed away and my BIL has made it quite clear he doesn’t want any funds from my husband but my husband still thinks I was in the wrong for saying what he should do with the funds. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He has children with you and he wants to give funds to his sibling rather than his own family? That’s messed up. Your children’s grandfather died, and your BIL doesn’t want the funds anyway…did you get an apology for having an opinion, voicing an option for the sake of you and your husband’s own children?
It sounds like he’s upset over his dad passing and emotional about his brother’s life choices. Not the jerk.” leepylee
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused. Are you saying the FIL (husband’s father; children’s grandfather) wanted to leave everything to your husband and he wants to give it to his brother?
If so, NTJ. I am a firm believer that the deceased’s wishes should be honored. If the father left one of his sons everything and the other son nothing, it’s what he wanted to do. Full stop. Perhaps if your BIL earns that much that’s why the father did it.
Now, if there’s some sort of animosity between your husband and his father, that’s different. My aunt went LC or NC (don’t know which for sure), so when my grandma died my aunt signed her share over to a sibling and washed her hands of the whole thing.
If that’s what’s going on, stay out of it.” ethan_winfield
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but inheritances are a biological family legacy. There are a lot of people who will not share that legacy with their spouse. I get that you’ve spent 30 years with this man but he’s spent 56 years with his brother.
He mistakenly thinks he can save him from himself. You & I both know that’s not true. But in your husband’s mind, he can’t see the truth from his brotherly love glasses. That said, your husband’s reaction was over the top, especially the name-calling.
Now that you know, don’t include him in your inheritance (if you get one).” LouisV25
4. AITJ For Refusing To Make Extra Lunches For My Kids On My Ex-Wife's Days?
“I’ve been divorced 4 years. Everything is settled, and we’ve had a fairly good relationship up until recently. We have equal time with the kids, where they are with me every Wednesday and Thursday and alternating weekends.
The kids (8 + 10) are going to day camp this summer. As would be normal, whoever has the kids that morning makes lunches to send. This year, every Friday the camp is doing a pizza lunch. Just pizza though, so snacks, fruit, and veg still need to be sent.
My ex texted me last week to tell me that it was ‘unfair’ that she has to make lunch for the kids 3 days a week (while legally they count as being with me on Sundays, they sleep at her place because it’s a weekly tradition to visit her parents, and I thought it would be important to maintain that relationship between them and the kids).
She suggested (more demanded) that I make a lunch for Mondays to send the kids since I don’t have to prepare anything for Friday (again, I still have to send fruit, veg, and snacks).
I told her that her request was ludicrous, and it turned into a huge fight.
As a side note, in case anyone is wondering, not only are finances not an issue, but she earns more than me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this is a common occurrence, where she turns not getting her way into a huge fight, you should look into the “grey rock” method.
It’s basically giving a short response without supplying a reason, like “No”, “I disagree”, “Nah, I’m good, bruh”, etc. Then repeat 2-3 times as needed before ignoring any further messages. The premise is don’t give reasons so that they can’t try to argue your logic, and then be repetitive and then boring so that they lose interest. I advised my husband to do this with his ex-wife, and it worked splendidly!
Best of luck to you.” Immeasurable51
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This certainly ranks as one of the more petty arguments. You aren’t being petty – your wife certainly has picked a non-issue to sour the waters. Your ex is being ridiculous – logistically how are the kids supposed to even get lunch on Monday morning if they are at her house in the morning.
All of this over a sandwich essentially? You are sending them food which means that you have to make the effort to put the food together for their snacks and make sure they take them. All that you are not providing on Friday is a sandwich and whatever else you might also supply as part of their “lunch.”” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There must be more to the story. Give her a little grace…but it does seem like an odd hill to die on. Perhaps a good compromise would be to hit a big box store like Costco and purchase a bulk pack of Lunchables and some fruits and veggies she can easily have on hand to throw into a Monday lunch… That way you’re not having to pack it and go out of your way to drop it off but she gets the assist with something easy to put together?
Tough situation. Good luck.” La-Brittany
3. AITJ For Leaving A Party After My Friend Abandoned Me?
“My friend, let’s call her Lily (f23), invited me (m24) to a party that her friend (not relevant) was throwing. I decided to go with her because I rarely see her in person and she had been complaining about it.
She was the only person I knew there.
I am very introverted and I get emotionally drained very fast at crowded events and such. I stuck by Lily for a couple of hours and socialized with whoever she talked to. At some point, I needed some air and told Lily that I was going to step out for a minute and that I would be back.
I was outside for about 10 minutes. When I came back in, Lily was nowhere to be found. I looked for her everywhere people were allowed to be (which was all of the downstairs, we were told the upstairs was off-limits) before giving up. I texted her several times.
No answer. I was getting a bit worried. I asked around and someone said she had gone upstairs with some other dude. Now I was just a bit annoyed. Who invites a friend to a party after complaining that we never see each other in person, then goes off with some other dude?
I texted her that I was leaving and called myself an Uber.
Today she called me. She yelled at me for not saying anything to her in person before I left. I told her that I sent her a text. She yells at me more and calls me a jerk before hanging up.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards ESH. You’re right, she shouldn’t have abandoned you to go somewhere private with another guy when the point of going to the party together was to hang out with each other. That makes her a jerk.
But you shouldn’t have left her. You didn’t hear from her when she disappeared. You couldn’t reach her. You say you were worried, but you left her. Bad things happen to girls at parties. Did you stop to wonder if her disappearing with a guy was consensual?
It was fine this time, but it could’ve not been. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman that I think this way, but you don’t leave friends behind at parties. You could’ve sat down and waited a bit for a reply. It comes across like you were bitter about her leaving you, so you left her too.
That’s jerk behavior. Look out for your friends better.” wolf_genie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with gender, and more to do with inviting a friend out and then abandoning them when they know literally nobody else there. If I was OP and a friend of mine did this, I’d boogie on outta there too.
She didn’t give you a verbal warning that she was gonna disappear for a while to get her rocks off, so the hypocrisy here is truly astounding.” undeadasdisco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. I’d apologize, but I’d do the whole “I’m sorry I upset you by leaving, but here’s my perspective” thing, You’re an introvert who went to a function you’d usually avoid — a party where you know only the friend who invited you — largely because that friend had been complaining about not spending time with you.
When you told her you needed to step out for a little air, she could have come with you and used the time to catch up one-on-one. Instead, she stayed inside, choosing the company of others over yours. You spent several minutes looking for her and texted her several times.
Then when you finally found out she went upstairs with a guy, you texted her that you were leaving. The only thing I’d have done differently is actually try to call her in addition to the texts. Start knocking on doors trying to find her while she’s hooking up with someone, and people are going to think you’re a psycho.
Sit waiting for god knows how long for the girl you came with to get done being with someone else, and you’re just going to come off as pathetic. Without seeing the actual texts you sent her — assuming you weren’t being judgy and shaking about her hookup — I really don’t see where you did anything wrong.” Quierochurros
2. AITJ For Expecting My Spouse To Come Outside So We Could Go To The Hospital?
“My father has always been in great health, but on Friday went to the hospital for something “not a big deal” that literally overnight turned into organ failure, respirator, multiple IVs, etc. The chaplain visited, my mother became power-of-attorney, and a DNR was signed. I had driven back early from a conference a thousand miles away and had not slept much.
Additionally, I am sick (ear infection with a fever, diagnosed by a doctor, not contagious). So I’m…weary.
Yesterday I sent a message to my spouse asking if he would like to visit the hospital with me that afternoon. He responded that he had a committee meeting (he volunteers with a service org) at 4.
I asked if 4:30 would work. He thought it would. Around 2:50, I messaged to make sure he could. He responded at 3:30 that he could. At 4:18, he asked where we should meet as his meeting was wrapping up. I responded, “I’ll drive to (his location).” I work 1 mile away.
Around 4:30, I messaged, “Okay, here.”
Silence.
Me: “I was wondering if you could drive? I will put gas in your tank. I’m still tired.”
Silence.
Me: “If you can’t make it, not a problem, but I need to know because I meant to leave before now.”
Silence. It is now 4:45. The hospital is approx 60 miles away.
I called his phone. No answer.
Me: “It sounds like something came up, and these things happen, I’ll head down to (hospital’s city.)”
He came out and looked annoyed. “Why didn’t you come in?”
Me: “I didn’t think I had to come in.
You knew I was on my way, and we agreed on 4:30.”
Him: “Well I was talking with (friend) and wasn’t looking at my phone. I don’t know why you didn’t come in.” He was annoyed about this for the drive.
So, was I being childish, or should I have just gotten out of my car and gone into the building to find him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom just died after a hospital stay and there is no way I’d be expecting my partner to make that even harder. This is a very serious situation and he dropped the ball…maybe he is uncomfortable by it all… But that’s his own issue.
You had a time to see your sick father at the hospital… This is a time to be ready.” IsMyHairShiny
Another User Comments:
“How do pickups work usually? Is it normal for you to go in to let him know or do you just text him and he knows to usually go outside?
It’s a bad miscommunication but still, I think talking to a friend when you have something scheduled and need to leave at a certain time is kind of irresponsible. NTJ either way.” vixlyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were already messaging back and forth during the day to arrange the meet-up, so it was hardly unexpected that you would continue to communicate that way.
He knew you were on your way, and once you were due & then overdue, the logical thing was for him to check his messages. Apparently, he got locked into the thought that you would come in, and never considered anything else. His mistake, not yours.
Ultimately it adds up to a miscommunication; and this is not a big deal – not worth the energy wasted staying annoyed about it. You get bonus points because you were under stress and already not feeling well, so bad on him for not being more aware and considerate.
You were more right and he was more wrong.” TrainingDearest
1. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife I Went Out With Her Brother In High School?
“When I (45M) was around 14/15 another guy on the baseball team “Trevor” and I started seeing each other secretly as neither of us could have been out as bi or gay back then especially playing a sport….
It lasted till we were 17 and he moved.
I met my wife when I was around 29 and she was 34, but what I didn’t realize was that she was Trevor’s older sister. She was 5 years older and in college and I didn’t spend much time at their house and they had a common last name so I didn’t realize it till she had me meet her family after I’d gotten her pregnant.
It was awkward around Trevor at first but I told him I loved his sister and both of us agreed not to say anything and his sister and I ended up married. Well, my son told me last week that he was doing a cultural heritage project for school and wanted to learn more about my side of the family because I’m Japanese and immigrated over when I was a kid.
So I gave him an old box of stuff with some books and antiques to look through.
What I didn’t realize was that in one of the books I gave, I left an old photo booth pic of me and Trevor kissing a little memento from a long time ago that I’d completely forgotten about.
He recognized me and his uncle and showed his mom. She started giving me and Trevor the silent treatment over the last few days… I finally got her to talk to me yesterday and she screamed at me saying I wasn’t honest with her and I should have told her.
I tried to explain that it wasn’t that big of a deal and she cursed me and said she can’t trust me right now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and really disingenuous. She isn’t mad that you were with her brother or that you told her because let’s be honest here for once you didn’t tell her.
She found out that you had been keeping this secret from her for years. This wouldn’t have had to be a big thing if you had told her within a few days of originally finding out the connection. She has just learned that you have kept this relatively minor secret from her for years and had no plans of telling her.
So she rightfully is asking herself what other secrets have you been keeping and are they more impactful. She has no way of trusting you. It is clueless of you to not realize that the issue is the multi-year secret keeping not the actual secret.” ferretsmiles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so you were in a relationship with her brother for 3-4 years. I’m assuming if he didn’t move you’d probably still be together. Your son finds a photo of you and your ex kissing. You might have forgotten about it but it still documents your relationship and depending on the photo might show your love.
Looking at the photo your wife will be thinking did you actually love her? Or did you marry her to be close to her brother? You should have told her when you discovered the relationship. Yes, you may have done it to protect you and Trevor.
But shouldn’t your wife have the choice to make the decision if she wanted to stay or go?” Mum_of_rebels
Another User Comments:
“Eh. You probably should have told her, and she is entitled to being upset, but ….part of this wasn’t your secret to tell.
If her brother wasn’t out (even experimentally) to his family, then it would have been massively uncool to out him – you have no idea if, at the time, she would have kept the secret, or what the consequences might have been. Also, I’m not sure it was her business.
I have been married 23 years, and my wife and I didn’t discuss who we were “with” before – we didn’t even discuss the numbers of people we had been with, let alone people we “just” went out with. The fact that it was her family makes it a little more emotional, but I am going to say no jerks here.” Himkano
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