People Want Us To Form Opinions On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting Neighbors To Stop Parking In My Yard During Their Mourning Period?
“About a week or so ago, the neighbors next door had someone pass away in their sleep.
We went over and expressed our condolences and handed them some water because everyone was outside (it’s really hot out) and crying.
The next day a bunch of people started coming by. No carpooling, everyone had their own car. They were running out of room to park so we told them they could park in the side of our yard if they needed to so they weren’t in the street.
My dogs usually stay outside, but since there were so many people walking around outside, I’ve had to keep them in the house out of respect for the neighbors so they weren’t getting barked at the entire time.
Every day an increasing number of cars showed up, parking in their yard, and eventually ours.
Every day they were moving further and further into our yard until eventually, they were taking up half of my front yard (which isn’t exactly small, but not huge either)
On top of this, they don’t leave until about 1-2 am, and when they leave they have those annoying cars with the too loud exhausts and they peel out and rev the engines EVERY NIGHT.
They sometimes do this multiple times a night as well, leaving and then coming back and doing it again.
When we said they could park in the SIDE of our yard, I assumed it was just for that day or maybe 2 days. I had no idea it was going to be a week solid or more.
I now want them to stop parking in my yard as they are becoming a nuisance.
My partner claims I’m being a jerk because “someone died” but I’ve had plenty of family members die and I’ve never had to park in someone else’s yard that I didn’t know, for a week and then be a jerk when I leave by making sure everyone wakes up to hear my car going down the road.
AITJ for wanting them to leave my yard or generally just wrap it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time to reclaim your property. Do it today. Bring them a box of donuts or cookies if you have to, in order to soften the blow!
Simply say something like “Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. I do need to ask that you tell everyone to stop parking in our side yard, though. We have other plans and our dogs normally use the area.” If they continue, remind them once or twice.
After that, you know who to call.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“”My partner claims I’m being a jerk because “someone died.”” When they do, a mourning and respectful attitude is assumed during the wake, not a view that a frat party is going on. It’s been a week, your yard should no longer be trampled on.
Especially since they have pushed far past what you offered. Also, if a partner told me I was being a jerk over something, a come to jeezus would be scheduled in the next 5 minutes. NTJ.” ChinSpin_1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were being kind and now they are taking advantage of it.
You even kept your dog inside for their sake! I would be okay with this situation for a day or two, but a week is just too much. They are being inconsiderate and rude. Go over to their house and kindly ask them to stop parking on your property now, because it has started to affect your everyday life.” Mysterious-Major-806
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Creepy Neighbor Move Out?
“I (15F) have a neighbor who’s always been around me but more in the background. From when I was growing up to about 9 she lived there and moved away because of a divorce. Fast forward to when I was 12, she moved back in, and after a month of living there, there were police at her door.
I am not sure why they were there and I didn’t want to get in trouble for not minding my own business so I didn’t bother to check it out.
She’s always outside sitting by her door which faces the side of my house and the gate that I usually leave when I’m using my bike.
I go biking a lot so I’m there a couple times of the day and she’s always outside. This only started when she moved back but she would always be watching me. She would never show aggression or anything bad but it was weird. Anything I did she would just watch.
Later on, she decided to sell her house and move (her house is still on sale right now) and she asked me if I could help her move. I said I wouldn’t be able to which I was lying but I didn’t want to go into her house because of her already being creepy.
Once I said no she started getting mad and saying she’s old and needs help and that I’m just not wanting to help out the community and being selfish. I say no again and close my door which she leaves right after. But am I the bad person for not helping her?
I don’t think so but I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – “no” is a complete answer. Your parents have known her just as long as you have. Why isn’t she asking adults to help her move? Even if we assume that she doesn’t have some creeptastic ulterior motive, there’s something inherently messed up about assuming you’re entitled to the time, energy, and concern of someone else’s child.
Stand your ground, OP. You have every right to refuse this request and you’re not being a jerk by doing so.” Unsolicited_Spiders
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When a person (your neighbor, in this situation) asks a question that is a binary answer of yes or no, that person needs to accept that the answer might not meet their expectations, and they need to move on.
You are always fully within your rights to answer a question with a yes or no. No need to justify or explain your response. No is a complete sentence. Trust your instincts.” breezercycle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t do it simply because I don’t know them.
Plus if I scratch something, scrape a wall, or whatever while moving I don’t know what their reaction would be. I don’t know if they’ll accuse me of damaging something they packed badly. It’s just too many “I don’t know”s. Throw on top that you’re a minor that’s a pretty solid “no.”” upsidedownbackwards
20. AITJ For Telling My Daughter She Shouldn't Buy An Older Car?
“My daughter (19 years) has been saving for her own car for a little over a year. She makes about $14.50 an hour at an average of 28-30 hours a week at a restaurant, plus tips. I can tell she’s getting impatient while saving for a car, if cars weren’t as expensive as they are now she’d probably have one by now.
She pays about $700-800 a month in rent, utilities, and my gas, she lives with me.
She looks online almost every day to check for cars, but a lot of them aren’t great. She wants something in the late 2000s, that’s all she can really afford because she’d be paying cash upfront.
She’s been showing me cars, used Toyotas, Hondas, and Subarus… they’re not newer they’re in the late 2000s range since that’s all she can afford. I told her she should wait it out and get something in at least the late 2010s, 2014 range.
She looked surprised and said that all those cars are about $15K online and that it took her a year to save $9K. It really wouldn’t be wise to get an older car, even with low mileage it’s not worth it, and for god’s sake never get a used Toyota Prius; any Audi, Volkswagen, Chevy vehicles, etc. (I knew someone who had an Audi, bad car.
Knew someone with a Volkswagen, bad car). She then said that she feels like giving up on a car because she feels like every time she thinks she has enough she doesn’t, and asked me if buying an older car in the late 2000s or 2010-2011 would be that bad.
I told her she’d be sorry she bought an old car. She does need to come to terms that she doesn’t have enough for a decent car. Anything she’d buy is probably overpriced and old. $9K is not enough for a car.
She can get very emotional about this because she works very hard, and as her mom, that’s hard to watch but that should prove to her that she shouldn’t waste her money just because she’s desperate. I myself have an older car, 2005; but I’m 58 years old and it works for now with the 6 years I’ve had it.
She’s a grown woman, she’s almost 20 years old and should have some control over her life. I can’t afford to cut her a break when it comes to rent and utilities, and especially my gas. Things aren’t free, times are hard.
If she wants to be a fool, she can live somewhere else.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are not helping in any meaningful way, and in fact diminishing and demeaning her steps into being a self-sufficient adult, which is pretty much the definition of YTJ.
You are draining her resources and berating her for taking any steps to being independent. You are demanding a huge cut of her limited monetary resources – meaning she is an adult with her own agency and choices that you have no say over. Stop also draining her of her mental and emotional resources.
Back all the way off.” crumpledwaffle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Honestly this whole thing reeks of you trying to keep her there to pay a huge portion of your bills. “I can’t afford to cut her a break when it comes to rent and utilities.” She’s 19 and paying $700-$800 per month.
She’s going to move out at some point so you need to concentrate on building a relationship with her that will survive her moving out, and you need to prepare for that financially. The car market is not good right now. An older car until the market improves would make the most financial sense for your daughter.
It seems like you’re trying to keep her from getting a car in order to keep her there with you. Whether that’s for love, money, or fear of loneliness only you know. But you’re not doing well with your daughter and I hope that you realize that in time to fix this.” Buttercup_Bride
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As much as I understand times being hard now, if you really want her to get a newer car could you cut down on how much she pays to you every month? That’s a sizable chunk of her income going to you and not toward getting a car.
My mom also made me start paying rent and utilities at a very young age and it REALLY kept me back. I struggled my entire young adult life, even going hungry when I eventually had enough and moved out on my own because it literally was doing me no favors to pay into my mom instead of towards, you know.
Advancing in life. I’m not saying “buy her a new car.” Or even to chip in. But maybe reduce her rent temporarily, just so she can start to stand on her own two feet. Parents should try to help their children succeed in life, not hold them back.” Fatt3stAveng3r
19. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Competing With My Ex-Husband's Lifestyle?
“Recently, my partner has started to compete with my ex-husband. It started after my ex asked me if I wanted to take the kids to Greece as he couldn’t go anymore but he didn’t want to cancel the trip for them.
I hadn’t been on vacation since we separated, so I was really excited to go. He heard me telling my sister how much fun the trip was and since then he’s been trying to compete with my ex’s lifestyle.
If my ex goes abroad, my partner immediately books a vacation for us too.
If my ex is attending an event, my partner will pay money he can’t afford so we can go too. If my ex gets a new car, my partner will buy one that’s even more expensive, etc.
I’ve tried speaking to him about it but he acts like he’s just learning to enjoy life instead of saving all of the time.
We ended up having a huge fight after he decided to buy a boat because my kids mentioned in front of him that their dad had a party on a boat. I tried to explain that the boat belonged to my father-in-law but he wouldn’t listen and was insisting it wasn’t about my ex and he had always wanted a boat.
I was upset since he was going to get a loan to buy the boat so I told him he was going to end up bankrupt competing with my ex, which triggered a huge fight. During which he told me I knew nothing about his financial situation and that I should focus on telling my ex to adjust his lifestyle since I was going to take half once our divorce is finalized. His comment upset me and we ended up yelling at each other.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This part actually kind of confirmed it for me: “He told me I knew nothing about his financial situation and that I should focus on telling my ex to adjust his lifestyle since I was going to take half once the divorce was finalized.” You clearly know enough about his financial situation when he has to take out a loan.
On top of the fact that he’s trying to win what is essentially a competition to gain favor with your kids to strongarm the role as a father figure to them through monetary expenditures just screams red flag behavior. Also, why is HE so interested in what your ex-husband does?
Simple: Insecurities. Why is HE so interested in what YOU get from your ex-husband? This sounds like a red flag. Once the divorce finalizes, don’t be surprised if he tries using all of these things he’s done for you and the kids as a weapon to guilt you into giving him money.” Derp_Aderpy
Another User Comments:
“I had a more decent-paying job than my sister and I would be invited to wholesale jewelry shows. When my sister saw the jewelry I purchased at the shows, she’d come over to show me what she bought. “Look I have a ring, just like yours.’ Except she paid a markup of 300-400% more than I did.
Do you really want to stay with somebody who is like this? Not satisfied with what he has?” hideva5010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! That he has developed his own competition with your ex is a sign that he is terribly insecure. Spending money that he can’t afford to spend is going to cause him problems. That he tells you not to worry because you will be obtaining half of your ex-husband’s money is alarming!
Is he contemplating using any of your divorce settlement and child support to fund a better lifestyle for himself? There are tons of red flags here – proceed with caution.” OneWithoutaName2
18. AITJ For Posting A Group Photo With My Friend's Influencer Partner?
“A large group of my friends from high school (all 38-42) got together on Saturday to catch up. I (40/F) took a lot of selfies with my friends and got the OK to post them to Insta. Which I did yesterday.
Tom (39/M) texted me last night that I needed to take down a pic including his partner (who wasn’t tagged), because she’s an influencer of some sort, and the pic went against her “brand.”
She was one of 5 people in the pic, and I only tagged the 2 people I know well.
I pushed back, saying that I don’t even know how to edit photos (which is true – I’ve never tried). He said she could be found because he’s tagged, and it could make her lose followers or sponsors.
AITJ for posting actual pictures from the party?
- She saw the photo before I posted it. I hate most pics of myself, so I always check in.
- I offered to untag my friend.
- They’re in the middle of the group shot, or I’d crop them out.
- The other 4 people love the pic, and I don’t want to delete it because of that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Untag your friend and move on with your life. Your friend and his partner are ridiculous. Also, think twice before spending a lot of time with the two of them because this ish is going to come up over and over again.
She’s not living a life, she’s staging one for her social media, and the people around her are her props. Ick.” Mehitabel9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the solution you chose of blacking her out and untagging the partner works. But I would also just block this guy because he’s disrespectful, and really you need to actually have a conversation with her about not getting into group photos if she’s then going to have a problem with it later.
Like she can’t play it both ways where she wants to be present at events with friends and be in the photos, but also have particular requirements for what she needs to look like if it’s going to go anywhere.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know I’m old but uhm aren’t influencers pretty much 100% manufactured image?
Like my 11y/o nephew thinks about every freaking picture he takes. She’s got a super important brand but took a photo with a group and didn’t think about the photo, her place in it, the brand, or the other people around her. I logged onto my social media for the first time in about 2 years.
Multiple someones tagged me in somethings or something. I couldn’t be bothered to check, but they were probably me. Am I an influencer?” Dragon_Bidness
17. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Her PDA Behavior In Front Of My In-Laws?
“My in-laws are really inappropriate about PDA. I mean to the point I don’t even like being around them, but I tolerate it for my husband, but it is relentless with MIL and FIL.
I have never seen my parents kiss, hold hands, etc. Now I don’t find either extreme normal, and I certainly don’t think that is healthy, but I noticed my mom has been forcing affection on my dad when MIL is around, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
The first time I really noticed it was my son’s first birthday. She was borderline copying everything MIL was doing. Then MIL invited my parents (well my mom kind of invited herself to be honest) to spend a day at their beach house, and I witnessed it all day.
My mom was dressed more provocatively than usual, clearly very uncomfortable, and all over my dad who I could tell hated it.
MIL made a face, so I know she picked up on it. The final straw was when my mom attempted to suck on his ear (MIL is a biter/sucker) and my dad looked like he wanted to disappear.
I finally asked why she was being inappropriate. I said I grew up with them and I know they don’t act like that, so maybe she is feeling insecure or something, but that doesn’t give her the right to make her husband uncomfortable.
My mom locked herself in the bathroom for a while and wouldn’t talk to me.
She is still angry. MIL said I was a terrible daughter and joked that if I was her daughter, she would cut me out of the will.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You wouldn’t have been the jerk for simply telling your mom or your in-laws that the PDAs were making you uncomfortable, but that’s not what you did.
You specifically targeted your mom and focused on her relationship with your dad. It also wouldn’t have been that bad if you privately and quietly took your mom aside and talked to her. It’s clear your mom is going through something and her way of handling this isn’t healthy, but these are your parents, and managing their relationship is their own job.
If your mother is making your father uncomfortable, that is something for the two of them to work out, not something for you to take the liberty to air out. Also, you had picked up on this probably being an insecurity caused by MIL and literally decided to air it out in front of the person making her insecure.
You were tactless.” Oishiio42
Another User Comments:
“You are a terrible daughter. MIL is correct on that. This was a conversation that you should have had privately, discreetly. Instead, you publicly shamed her. I am guessing you publicly shame a lot of people. If something is making you uncomfortable, it’s making YOU uncomfortable, don’t speak for everyone else, cause you don’t know.
Maybe your Mom is feeling insecure, probably more so now because she has a nasty piece of work of a daughter monitoring her every move wondering if she is going to get chastised for putting chapstick on. But if you were genuinely concerned (which you are not, you are only concerned about your own comfort) you would first apologize for humiliating her in public (That apology needs to extend to whomever witnessed your condemnation of your Mom).
Then you would ask her what’s up. Maybe something is going on in your parents’ marriage that your mom is trying to work on. Maybe she sees your in-laws and sees how affectionate they are with one another and it might be something she wants.
Whatever it is, it is between your parents. Your mom might be going through a mid-life crisis, who knows? But don’t shame her, which by the way, don’t shame anyone. Focus on you and why you are so bothered by other people’s actions.
Actions that have nothing to do with you. True, they are your parents but they are adults and responsible for their own actions and behaviors.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why exactly do you think that you get to meddle in your parents’ relationship?
Growing up with them gives you a right to judge how they have to behave with one another, now? You seem to be rather conservative so I am not sure what this “really inappropriate PDA” actually entails (the fact your parents showed zero physical affection towards one another during your childhood kind of gives away how conservative you now are about it), but if your mother is feeling insecure and/or feels compelled to try a new way to be in her relationship, that is up to her.
And if your father is uncomfortable with it, it is up to him to express it. It is their marriage, not yours. Also, knowing your mother is likely insecure about her marriage and your course of action is to publicly humiliate her in front of others… just because YOU are embarrassed?
It doesn’t get more jerk-like than that. This just seems like you are usually so annoyed around your in-laws but keep yourself from telling them off since you know it would cause problems. So you made your mother your scapegoat. You owe her an apology.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
16. AITJ For Not Hiding My Menstrual Products When I Have Guests Over?
“Yesterday my friend came over with her new partner. While my friend and I were chatting, her partner left to use the bathroom.
The whole visitation was pleasant. A few hours later after they left my friend texted me and told me her new partner was uncomfortable using my bathroom because I had my menstrual product out. She said I should put them away when I have guests over.
I told her no and that no one ever complains about my products being out.
He saw what I said and started talking nonsense. I told him real men aren’t scared of women’s products and he needs to grow up. He tried to talk nonsense about my husband but I quickly shut him down by saying my husband usually buys my tampons for me.
Anyway, my friend told me I hurt his masculinity and he took a joy ride somewhere. So am I the jerk for not putting my products away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lol, you hurt his masculinity? That’s a whole new level of fragility. Forget real man, what kind of person is uncomfortable about bits of cotton and paper in a pink box?
Like maybe if you had menstrual blood smeared on things he’d have a right to be uncomfortable. But assuming a relatively clean bathroom? Nah, he’s a little snowflake.” Onequestion0110
Another User Comments:
“If he wants to interact with women, he should be mature enough to know about all of their functions including menstruation.
If simply seeing a pad in his general vicinity is enough to send him into hysterics (ha!), that’s not your issue. NTJ.” kitten-katten
Another User Comments:
“”Anyway my friend told me I hurt his masculinity.” I’d have to put the phone down and walk away so they don’t hear me laughing.
NTJ. While I was always circumspect with my products (YAY for menopause! None of that nonsense anymore!), even having a small trash can tucked under the vanity, I wouldn’t tolerate anyone becoming twitterpated about a normal biological process. It’s bad enough that women have to go through that mess every month, having to deal with someone getting the screaming meemies over seeing the products laying out is ridiculous.” ChinSpin_1986
He's a misogynist. He's going to be awful in the bedroom and probably nasty in private generally.
15. AITJ For Insisting On Takeout And A Movie For My Birthday Instead Of A Fancy Dinner?
“I had my 21st birthday yesterday and spent the morning/afternoon with friends following spending the night in the city with other friends for birthday celebrations. My parents and younger brother had also been out partying because my cousin was getting married the day before my birthday.
My mum had previously asked me how I wanted to spend my birthday and I explicitly stated that after all the time I spent out + knowing that they would be tired from their night out I wanted to just spend the time at home with them with Thai takeout and a movie night in our living room.
I even scheduled my Uber Eats order so it would arrive around the same time I planned to come home.
My mum decided to book at a fancy restaurant without telling me and called whilst I was still in the city to enquire about my whereabouts (it would’ve taken me an hour to get back home/to the restaurant).
She got angry with me and stated that I was intentionally trying to not spend time with her and the rest of my family after she told me to be home for dinner plans – a statement that proved to be untrue because after continuously stating that no one had told me anything she backpedaled and instead got angry that I’d been out for so long.
During this conversation, I also reminded her that I had already stipulated that I held no interest in going out and just wanted to spend the night in.
Following that, I rushed home to appease her, arriving a bit before the takeout I ordered arrived. Upon seeing it, she got angry and claimed that it wasn’t good enough to have for my birthday and refused to eat it, again, pushing that we go to the fancy restaurant instead in spite of it being almost 2 hours since the proposed reservation.
I held my ground and we had an argument where at one point I said, “you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told you, I know you were stressed and tired from running around for the wedding so I tried to make it easier for you by placing the darn takeout order.”
She took it as me cussing her out and refused to come out of her bedroom and dragged my dad in with her too. I spent the evening eating the takeout with my brother, I, however, wasn’t allowed to blow out my candles or have my cake because just as we were getting to it, my dad came out and switched the lights out on us and told us to put away the cake otherwise my mum would bin it.
She refused to let my brother watch a movie with me and instead spent an hour and a half talking bad about me loudly from the living room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck is WRONG with your MOTHER???!!! Could she have made this MORE about her?
I think NOT! I certainly hope you have moved out of their house because these people are unbearable. It has been a while since I have read about people this unlikeable. And this is a milestone birthday! I think you have learned your lesson. NEVER EVER spend another birthday with your parents.
I mean, could they have made this one MORE miserable?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Happy birthday!!! NTJ. You made plans to spend quality downtime with your family. Takeout and movie night sounds amazing! And she knew what you wanted, she didn’t need to plan a reservation.
She could’ve asked you what you wanted to eat and planned accordingly to please you on your birthday. Also, she might have felt bad thinking takeout and movie night is not as special for your birthday and might have felt guilty for not going all out for your 21st. She might have thought that you were just doing take-out and movie night to accommodate them, and she might’ve felt guilty.
Or she thinks your time out with your friends is more important to you than your time out celebrating with your family. Whatever she thinks, she is the adult. She should’ve communicated better. And not letting you guys watch a movie or have cake, well that’s just petty af of her.
You’re def NTJ.” Ok_Analysis_9309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I were you I would move out as soon as possible as she doesn’t care unless it’s about herself. She asked what you wanted to do then didn’t listen and tried to gaslight you, then acted so immature because you didn’t want to do what she wanted on your birthday and made it all about herself.
Your dad is just as big of a jerk for supporting it, please get out of there you don’t deserve this.” sarah_0811
14. AITJ For Telling Friends Why I Don't Hang Out With Lukas Anymore?
“A few years ago, I (23F) survived an accident that took my arm, my eye, and mangled half my face. I know I wasn’t particularly pretty to begin with, but it left me feeling at my lowest.
What hurt is that my now ex-friend “Luka” (24FTM) asked me to cover up my scars and the stump because it made him “feel nauseous” looking at me.
That day I went home crying. If he couldn’t stand to see me like that, how could I?
After that, I cut off ties with him. Not once did he see me in the hospital or call me up to see how I was doing. And the one time he sees me after the incident, it’s to ask that I do something about my scars.
Well, I wish I could say that was the last time. But every time since then, every time we’re in the same room he’s always commenting on my face and how I look terrible. No kidding, Sherlock.
Lukas is having a party next weekend and I found out when our mutual asked if I was going.
I told them that I wasn’t because of what happened and how my face grosses him out now.
He just called me to yell at me for telling everyone about it. Apparently several people we know got wind of what happened and decided not to attend.
He thinks I’m making him out to be a jerk even though he wants to celebrate his surgery.
I feel for him, but I can’t forget what he said. What he said still hurts. AITJ for telling friends why I don’t hang out with Lukas anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, oh my god OP. I’m so sorry for both your accident and your terrible “friend”. Good riddance. I get that body mutilation can be a very frightening or jarring thing to look at or see. That’s understandable. What’s not understandable is telling your friend, who went through something traumatic to cause that to happen, that they’re disgusting or gross or anything even remotely close to that.
He showed his true colors by not even bothering to check on you. You can call someone every day and never see them. You didn’t cause your real friends to do anything. You just told the truth, and they’re sticking up for you.” Gooned_Decensors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m trans (non-binary but used to think I was ftm before doing some more self-discovery) and honestly Lukas is a huge jerk here. Even if he is “grossed out” by your current appearance, to say anything (other than maybe apologize and explain that it makes him uncomfortable to see so he may not look directly at you as often) is an awful thing to do.
Honestly, making comments on anyone’s appearance for any reason other than a compliment (not flirting) isn’t really ok. I hope you’re ok and your recovery is going well, and that you learn to love yourself, your body, and your appearance again!” purplishpurple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends asked a question. You told the truth. What did he expect? That you lie for him? No dude. You deserve the crap.
Holy crap girl you survived an awful traumatic accident. If you were my friend I would be crying tears that you made it out of it alive.
If you were my friend I would take you shopping, to the spa whatever you want so you feel beautiful and be taken care of. If you were my friend I would have asked how to help you. Because that’s what friends are for. True friends are just like a partner – in happiness and illness for life.
I am so sorry he treats you like crap. I am so sorry you feel less because of him. I know it sounds cliché and probably not honest but I am sure you’re still beautiful. I am sure you’re still a great person. I am sure you are an amazing friend and you absolutely deserve better.” Whysocomplicat3d
13. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Brother-In-Law's Expensive Wedding?
“I (30F) am a single mom to two boys (aged 7). Their dad passed away 5 years ago, and it’s been just us since then. We couldn’t afford our house anymore, so my BIL took us in. Now, 5 years later, I finally got the insurance money from my husband’s policy (his death was suspicious, so it took a long time to sort it out) and it’s enough money for me and the boys to afford our own apartment and since the boys are in school, I also got a job.
Things really turned around for us and we moved to our own place. It’s not much, but we each have our own room and it’s a place we can call our own, which I absolutely love.
To the issue at hand: my BIL just asked me to contribute to his wedding, now that I have some more money.
His fiancee says I should pay for part of their wedding (my part would be somewhere between $40k and $50k). I told them I do have money now, but I am starting college funds for the boys, finally making bigger payments for better health insurance, the boys can now pick their hobbies, etc. I told my BIL I am willing to give him about $5k for the wedding or pay for their honeymoon in that value (because he has really been kind and generous to me), but the amount his fiancee is asking for is just too much and I feel it will be better spent on my children.
BIL said he agrees with me, but his fiancee called me an ungrateful person and said it’s the least I can do to repay them.
AITJ for not helping them with the money for the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. And even your BIL can see that.
That’s ridiculous money for a wedding, especially when you have two sons to raise and provide for on one salary. Like if it was helping with medical bills, mortgage down-payment, or debt for BIL or helping with his child’s college fund maybe I would suggest helping out a small bit, but a wedding?
That FSIL can get lost. She has no idea of what can happen in the real world unlike both you and your BIL. Also, I’m very sorry for both you and your sons’ loss. And very happy that you had someone to help you all while you got back on your feet.” Livingoffcoffee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the whole original point and purpose of a life insurance payout – it isn’t really supposed to be a random windfall, but to help with housing and education for loved ones who have lost the financial support of the deceased. I’m really sorry for your loss.
It sounds like your BIL has been a wonderful source of support during a time when you are both grieving. That doesn’t incur a financial gift requirement though, and it doesn’t sound like he expects it to do so. The fiance though? Deeply unpleasant. I really hope he reconsiders, because this type of grasping entitlement isn’t going to go away.” JustASW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who doesn’t have the funds to plan that lavish of a wedding, or hasn’t had someone offer, of their own accord, to provide funds for that lavish of a wedding, should not be having that lavish of a wedding. I spent maybe $2000 on mine?
We got married in a local church. My dress was from a thrift shop, his suit was ordered online, we made BBQ for the reception ourselves (my husband smelled of our cast iron smoker the day of because he’d been up all night cooking. I told him at least he smelled delicious!), my ring was $300, and his about $60( titanium).
My grandmother offered to buy the cake, so I let her. We’ve been married for nearly 14 years now. Make your wedding something fun and special, as it should be, but it’s not worth breaking the bank on. Put that money into a fun honeymoon or heck, financing a house.
You’ll be happier in the long run.” Kyonarai
12. AITJ For Refusing To Share A Birthday Party With My Young Cousin After My Extended Family's Disrespect?
“Birthdays aren’t really a big deal to me anymore, but I do still enjoy the cake and presents you know?
And it’s kind of a milestone for me. Anyway, I have a cousin who’s turning 5 and I am turning 18. I have never liked my extended family because they treated my late father and my whole family (even when he was alive and even more after) like trash.
They always nitpicked anything my mom did or said and always tormented her. It led to a big fall in her self-esteem, and it was depressing to watch over the years.
My dad passed away almost 4 years ago and the family ghosted us for like basically the whole time.
I stopped talking to them after they held their own celebration for my late father and didn’t invite us. Lmao.
Anyway these past couple of months, they have been trying to reach back and get us to talk again. Some of my personal family is naive but I know they are just not doing it with the right intentions.
They basically called my mom to tell her that they wanted to do a birthday party for my 18th birthday and cousin’s 5th? My mom and everybody were so confused as they never even got approval. They said they got decorations and everything. I said no, I don’t want to do that.
Their disrespect has been far too much, and that’s so awkward in my opinion with the age difference. No bad vibes to my little cousin I love him but I declined.
My grandma called me saying to think about it and that I was being harsh and should be more considerate.
My extended family and aunt are mad at me now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aside from any of the background, you have the right to celebrate your birthday however you want but taking into account all the stuff your parents and you have had to put up with from them?
Nah. Even if they see it as an opportunity for reconciliation, it’s very odd to try and put those two birthdays together to do it, and by saying they have the decorations bought and everything, it’s a little pushy. You and your mother don’t owe them anything.
Oh, and happy birthday!” shesprobablyreading
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a gap between a birthday for a 5-year-old and an 18-year-old. Differences in decorations, music, food, and friends would be too much. Now the gap between families is even bigger. If you cannot support me emotionally after the passing of my dad and held your own memorial and didn’t think to invite his family?!?
A birthday party isn’t the way to bridge that gap. And OP you are not required to coddle adults who feel bad. They are accountable here. Now, you have an amazing birthday and be happy.” Snoo-78510
Another User Comments:
“At the end of April, my 18-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son celebrated their birthdays separately even though only a week apart, because even siblings who see each other every day and get on well deserve their own celebration never mind distant cousins.
Who wants to guess OP’s mum gonna be stuck with: 1. Bill for half of the lavish party entirely 5-year-old’s taste. 2. Request for a free cake for both but more to 5-year-old’s likes as he is the youngest so he needs it more and wouldn’t understand if it wasn’t his favorite superhero, tv character, animal, etc…. NTJ absolutely stay NC like they wanted before they realized they could use your mum.” Content-Ad-8342
11. AITJ For Refusing To Clean The Bathroom After My Roommates' Partners Messed It Up?
“My roommates and I share one bathroom (there’s 3 of us, we are all 22F), and for the most part, it’s kept clean. I do 90% of the cleaning of it because if I don’t it will go dirty for months. And I’m speaking frat house dirty.
No one wants to live in filth so I just suck it up and clean it.
Both of my roommate’s partners hang out at our place a lot and often leave the toilet seat up. Not a big deal, takes like 0.01% of energy to put it down (annoying but whatever).
This morning someone clearly left the toilet seat up and it was clogged from the excessive amount of toilet paper and a whole roll of paper towels (cardboard and all) in the bowl.
I’ve cleaned up an exorbitant amount of messes in this bathroom, from intoxicated people’s vomit to literal stains of unknown origin.
Because if I don’t do it, no one will. Each time I ask them to make a rotation for who cleans the bathroom, they both agree and then no one does it until I either force them to like a mother or do it myself.
When I found today’s mess (most likely left by one of the two partners or one of the dozens of their guy friends that hang out in our apartment) I texted them saying I don’t care who did it but that I wasn’t going to clean it.
I am crazy enough to ask to use a neighbor’s, or the shower (last resort). I told them that I’m fed up with cleaning after them and seeing as I’m moving out in 3 weeks I cannot be bothered to be their maid anymore.
Both of them said it wasn’t them (which I believe because girls don’t put the toilet seat up) and that they shouldn’t have to clean it up, and I agreed saying I’m not cleaning it either and I don’t care what happens.
Noting if the toilet gets clogged we just won’t have a toilet.
AITJ? Should I just bite the bullet and clean it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t clean that bathroom. The only thing I would say is if you’re moving out and it’ll affect a damage deposit or something.
I mainly clean my bathroom for my roommate and me as well (both 21 F), her partner is around all the time and luckily very clean but does make the bathroom messier which bothers me as well. Same circumstances if I don’t clean it properly it stays dirty.
But if they ever really messed it up I wouldn’t clean it up either. Since you’re moving out and your neighbors seem to let you use their bathroom I’d get them a little thank-you gift and ask to use the bathroom until you leave and your roommates can deal with their own mess, literally.
Do they clean the rest of the house they seem difficult.” sleepingjewl1200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you live with roommates you’re responsible for anything your guests do. It’s unreasonable to expect you to deal with the mess left by their guests. And given all the cleaning that you do, it’s not a case where you guys help one another out when it’s convenient because you know someone will pay you back.
Living with freeloaders is the worst. The person who cares the most about cleanliness always loses. It completely sours any friendship you may have previously had because treating a shared living space that way is disrespectful. Don’t bite the bullet, playing the game of chicken is the only way to get lazy and selfish people to clean.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommates sound like a lot of husbands from macho cultures – “Well if you think it’s dirty then YOU clean it.” How old are your roommates? How can they be living out of their parent’s home and yet not know how to clean up after themselves?
How disgusting are their partners and how low are their standards? Play chicken and keep looking for a new place to move out to. Make sure you don’t lose your deposit because of them.” Mission_Spray
10. AITJ For Making My Dad Feel Guilty About My Scoliosis?
“I (18M) am trying to make my dad (59F) feel guilty about my scoliosis.
My whole father’s side of the family has scoliosis, my uncle (65M), my sister (29F), my grandpa (dead), my dad,…
When I was 12 we had to go to a medical visit with school and the doctor gave me a paper saying I had scoliosis and that I need to go to a physiotherapist.
I showed the paper to my parents and my dad started to scream, telling me it’s my fault because of the way I sit, he started insulting me about it and my mom (42F) preferred to ignore the situation, none of them took me to a physiotherapist.
At 14 my best friend’s mom (who’s a nurse) checked my back because it was constantly hurting and she also told my parents that I have scoliosis, they said they would do something about it, but spoiler alert, they never did.
A few days ago I was walking in front of my parents, they started complaining because my back wasn’t straight saying that it was bad for me, I once again complained about my back hurting, and my father checked my back and said “omg you have scoliosis.” I answered that I’m aware of it and that he also knows it.
He looked confused at me and I reminded him about what happened when I was 12, he started getting mad, saying I’m a liar…But I managed to find the paper I received at school, when I showed him he started saying that he wasn’t supposed to know that it was so serious, that I should have told him more often, that it’s my fault because of the way I wear my backpack at school and that if I didn’t have motor skills problems (I had them when I was 4) all of this wouldn’t have happened. He also told me to get lost.
He is now refusing to talk to me.
My mother, grandmother (90F), and uncle are telling me he’s right that I brought it up way too aggressively and that now he feels really really guilty and they told me to apologize to him. My sister is the only one who’s on my side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your dad sounds like a raging jerk who rather than fix diagnosed problems in your youth, unnecessarily blames you and your mother. I’m guessing he didn’t want to pay for the therapy sessions because the cost would add up, so he gaslighted people instead.
And he probably just feels embarrassed because his lousy behavior has been called out and you’re not buying his asinine narrative anymore. Doubt he feels remorseful/guilty at all. Also OP your mom seems like she caved way too easily on this and started going along with your dad’s nonsense.
Might want to reserve a little anger for her too for not trying harder.” Zeshui0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A doctor’s note wasn’t enough for your dad? Scoliosis is serious and can cause many problems later on in life. There are many ways to treat it and slow the progression when you are younger and still growing.
Also, do you get yearly physicals? Because your primary care doctor should have pointed that out every year and had a conversation with your parents about taking it seriously. I would see a scoliosis specialist as soon as possible. I was treated when I was younger and they were able to slow the progression, but it still got worse in adulthood, and had to get surgery last year.
Hopefully, it does not get there for you.” Ok_Wrongdoer_6972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why on earth do you think you are the jerk here? Your parents’ negligence caused it. They didn’t listen to the doctor’s note and the nurse’s advice. No way he would have listened to you even if you had told him multiple times.
HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. On top of that these relatives are asking you to apologize??? Don’t do it. You are the one who’s suffering mentally and physically. Their guilty feeling is nowhere close to it. Sounds like their pride is more important to them than you.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE.” adityarj_pazuzu
9. AITJ For Returning Early From Our Trip And Not Telling Our House-Sitter Right Away?
“My partner (32m) and I (27f) live in The Netherlands and wanted to spend six months traveling around. We have two cats that are very attached to their comfort area, so we decided to get someone to take care of the place and the cats while we were gone.
We interviewed around 12 people and it was a hard choice, but we finally chose a guy – let’s call him Bob – that seemed to tick all the boxes, and seemed to have the kind of energy our cats like.
We officially let the renting agency know that Bob would be “house sitting” from November 1st until May 1st. There was no contract involved, and we were still the ones who would be paying the rent to the agency.
We had a verbal agreement with Bob about how much he would pay us (before the 1st of every month), considering the rent and utilities. We made a very friendly offer that did not even cover all the costs. I now realize that we were naive in trusting a stranger who didn’t sign a contract, but it didn’t seem that crazy at the time; the guy seemed trustworthy and legit.
A few months into our trip it was clear that Bob is not that reliable. In some video calls, we saw that all the houseplants were dying and the house was a mess. Most importantly, he sends the rent in small payments, very late in the month, every month.
This clearly stressed us out as we do not have an income while we travel, and we saved up for the trip while earning around minimum wage. We explained this to him many times, but still, every time we asked for the rent, we heard a different excuse.
At this point, we were very far from home, and we also couldn’t officially change “house-sitter” with the agency, making it impossible to throw him out without ruining the trip (which he was probably aware of). At least the cats seemed to be doing fine with him and that was our priority, so we stuck it out.
As of now (mid-April) Bob still hasn’t paid for March fully. He was only very recently transparent about his financial situation: he said he’s in huge debt and most of his salary was being taken from him to cover the debt.
Now, we recently booked a flight back home, and it turned out to be much cheaper to fly back on April 26th instead of the initially planned May 1st. After all the issues with Bob, we didn’t feel like communicating this right away.
We toyed with the idea of telling him only a few days before showing up there. However, yesterday he asked when we were coming back and so we told him.
He was really annoyed and said that he had invited friends to stay over at the apartment on the 27th and now he had to cancel.
He also said “I thought I was renting until May 1st” which I think is pretty hypocritical, as he is not punctual himself. We said he could stay until the 1st anyway (there are two bedrooms) and in that case, pay a bit less. He says he doesn’t want to stay once we’re back.
AITJ for coming back early and not communicating this right away?”
Another User Comments:
“I think there are three separate issues that you are trying to roll together here 1. Bob doesn’t pay/doesn’t pay on time. 2. Bob hasn’t been caring for the house to your satisfaction.
3. you are coming home earlier than agreed I think this is a case of ESH. You for not informing Bob of your early return as soon as you were aware of it and consequently inconveniencing him. However, he is also a jerk and you have cause to ask him to move out early for either not paying or not paying on time or not caring for the house as agreed. It would be totally fine to end the agreement early, but not as a surprise.” AModel3Owner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do let the agency know that you’d like to change the locks. If he was unreliable like this (house a mess, etc) don’t put it past him to haven’t had made a copy of the key. Yeah he was annoyed that you came home early, however, look at the flags he plants.
He’s in huge debt? His salary is being taken from him to pay that debt? Yet he still invited friends to STAY OVER? He doesn’t have the money to pay rent but does to party? Do check and make sure he didn’t steal anything. Again, he’s unreliable and shifty (changed excuses each time you asked about the rent).
And as a future aside, always have someone keep tabs for long trips. Not another house-sitter but more of a neighbor, family, or friend that you can trust that can pop in on the house-sitter and say ‘HEY, HOW’S IT GOING? YEAH, I’M HERE TO HELP IF YA NEED IT!’ I say this as my neighbors hired me as a teenager to be their tab checker for a trip they had.
They already had a house-sitter, they just wanted a tab checker. That house-sitter got real annoyed with me even though I was only over at the house maybe 6 times because the neighbors had texted me to do things and told her they didn’t want to bother her with such ‘nonsense’ tasks.
I was told later afterward when they got back that they appreciated it as they had noticed an odd convo from the ring doorbell and knew I’d report back anything sus without much prompting. I guess the house-sitter was on the phone and said something along the lines of ‘yeah we could trash it and no one would ever know till too late’ about a week and a half into sitting and stated I was Plan B that they initiated.” Apprehensive-Two3474
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If it was just you returning earlier then I’d say you would have been the jerk since you had an agreement that let him have the house, alone. So you returning earlier out of your own convenience is breaking it regardless if you think you had given him a sweet deal or if you can partially house him.
But he hasn’t been paying and had failed to maintain the house so he already broke the agreement so that’s a moot point.” ZerafineNigou
8. AITJ For Defending My Adult Son At His Workplace?
“My son is a manager at a skating rink. I skate there occasionally and will sometimes visit with him on slow days.
At the skating rink, there’s a locker room right behind the pro shop.
I was sitting in the locker room after changing and I heard some lady getting angry at an employee for not giving her a refund after skating for an hour and demanding to see the rink manager.
At this point, I’m still in the locker room. My son then goes in there and she gets very heated with him. It gets to the point where she tells him he’s a worthless jerk and starts cussing him out. Keep in mind there are a few other customers and two of the skating rink employees (not counting my son).
This makes it worse that she’s acting so rude to my son. I go in there and tell her that is my baby and you do not talk to him that way. I make sure to let her know I ain’t playing. No one is gonna cuss out my son like that in front of me.
After she left, my son wouldn’t talk to me and was acting really weird. His face was really red and he then started walking towards the exit of the building. I noticed that he put his hood over his head and was covering his face from people.
I’m not quite sure why.
Apparently, he is angry at me and I don’t understand why. I defended him against a highly aggressive lady. If you’re a mother, you will understand. We aren’t just gonna sit back and watch some evil lunatic abuse our son.
He doesn’t work there anymore as he was fired after walking out in the middle of his shift.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As a mother and an HR person, I tell you, please let your son fight his own battles. If he’s old enough to be a manager at a skating rink, he’s old enough to tell horrible customers to get out.
Moms have no place in their children’s workplaces. The only time you should get involved is if he’s so sick he’s incapable of calling in sick. This means a coma or hospitalization, not the stomach flu. You undermine his authority when you step in and try to solve his problems. Please, please, please, do not do this.
He doesn’t need you to mother him anymore. As a parent of an adult child, your job is to give advice when he asks and cheer him on from the side. This isn’t third grade.” EvilHRLady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. God, helicopter parenting… I doubt he was fired JUST for walking out.
You caused unnecessary drama. Your son was promoted to management for a reason. YOU should have trusted him to handle a WORK related issue ON HIS OWN! In NO scenario of this should you have interfered. Even if he didn’t walk out that night, he would have been fired BECAUSE OF YOU.
Because of how you acted, they would have not only questioned his professional instincts… but also how would they ever trust you to not act that way again? Your son isn’t mad at you for not stepping in sooner…He’s mad you stepped in period.” xEnraptureX
Another User Comments:
“I want to just say, I completely understand why you are adamant in your reasoning for not being the jerk. I myself am not a parent, but having worked with kids in the past while I loved dearly I can say without a doubt I would have fought someone for them.
HOWEVER, and please hear me out on this part because this is the most important, the kids I worked with were just that. Kids. They needed leadership and they needed guidance in their everyday life. My role was to help them in any way I could through their problems by taking on the role of being a leader in their eyes.
That being said, my role as a leader does not mean holding their hands all day. It means I had to at some points allow them to make mistakes and end up in certain situations that made it difficult for them to sort out on their own without me interjecting.
The thing is, I HAD to let them do this on their own, especially if they didn’t ask me for help. They had to learn even at a young age what it means to be self-sufficient in life. Now that doesn’t mean I was tossing them into the pool and telling them to swim or drown, but it did mean if they were adamant about being able to swim and jumped in on their own I had to have enough trust in them to let them make that decision on their own, and I would be in the background in case they needed help.
He’s your baby, but he’s also a man in a very important leadership role at his workplace that requires respect from employees and customers alike. That respect can easily be tarnished if people see that his mom is still having to defend him.
People will view him as lesser than, which will hinder his performance at work, and thus cause added stress to him. You have to sit back and allow him to work through these issues on his own. You can’t let your own wants (that of wanting him not to be yelled at) supersede his needs (him learning how to handle situations of conflict while at work).
This, for me, is a very gentle YTJ. You have to let him do this on his own. He has a right to be angry.” StevieisSleepy
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay For One Dinner A Week?
“My partner and I (both 30yo) have been living together for two years (together 5 years) and after some trials, we decided to split the house chores: I do the laundry, he does the dishwasher and we deep clean the house and go grocery shopping once a week together.
Moneywise we split everything 50/50, he earns roughly 40% more.
He doesn’t cook, I tried to teach him some recipes and helped him with preparations but he doesn’t like cooking and after 2 years still doesn’t know how to use the oven. I kind of gave up on getting help from him in that regard.
I cook dinner and lunch for 5 days a week, except for the two nights when I get home at 9 pm and it should be my partner’s turn but either I help him cook a hamburger or we order something because he doesn’t know what to do.
Yesterday I had a mini breakdown: I finished working at 6, prepared two dinners and one lunch, ironed clothes, and did a laundry cycle. When I was done it was 8 pm, meaning I just had time to eat, have a shower, and sleep because on Tuesdays I have to get up at 5 am.
While doing all this I was thinking how for the first time in weeks we had a date this past Saturday and I was so happy I didn’t have to cook, but since we split the bill I can’t afford delivery this week and so I had to cook Tuesday dinner yesterday (we didn’t have hamburgers at home for my partner to make).
When he got home I told him that I don’t think this is right: if I cook 90% of the time he should at least offer me a dinner once a week.
We had a discussion because he claims he can’t afford to treat me every week (delivery is ok mind you) and that he is saving for our future and it’s unfair because we agreed when we started seeing each other that we would split everything in half.
He claims that he does his part when he gives me a ride to and from the train station when I commute to work (6 am/9 pm) once or twice a week when it’s too cold to use the bike (huge help not gonna lie).
So, AITJ for asking my partner to pay for one dinner a week?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m calling shenanigans. Anyone… ANYONE can turn on an oven and put in something frozen. Pizza, frozen lasagna, frozen fish… so many choices. He has you fooled that he can’t and trained you to do it for him because he’s lazy.
Why should he do any cooking? He’s got his personal chef. And lunches? He also can’t make sandwiches? Or, next night you have to get up early, have cereal for dinner. Who says you have to cook a hot meal every night? He starts complaining, he knows where the stove is.” Lisabeybi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I do want to draw your attention to a potentially much more concerning situation: He makes 40% more than you, but you split things 50-50. Meanwhile, he claims that he saving for your future as a couple. Girl you need to protect your assets.
He has the luxury of saving a lot more than you do because you’re paying 50% of the bills, even though he makes 40% more than you. On top of that, you guys are not married. So while he’s saving a ton of money, way more than you, under the promise that at some point it’s for the both of you, there is absolutely nothing stopping him from leaving one day and financially devastating you.
On top of that, he’s treating you like a housewife. He makes 40% more than you, has you splitting 50% of the bills, and cooking for him? This man is using you. I doubt that he’s doing it maliciously, or even intentionally, but he’s certainly gotten accustomed to taking advantage of you.
To put this in perspective for you: I make over $200,000 a year. When my partner gets out of school, he’ll probably make around $50-75k/year to start. For starters, I wouldn’t dream of making him go 50-50 with me on that type of pay difference; it’s not fair to him, and he would not be able to save as much as I can.
We pay by percentage of what we make. Secondly, even though our agreement is that I’ll support him while he’s in school, and in exchange he will be maintaining the house (he’s a clean freak and I’m a slob), I’m still having a professional housecleaner come in once a week to help out because he’s not my freaking maid.
My point in all of this is to say, your partner is not treating you like a loving partner. Not only that, he’s not showing any concern for your personal financial well-being. This is not a relationship of equals.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If everything is split 50/50, he’s expecting you to take over his half of the responsibility for meals. Just because he doesn’t have an interest in cooking doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any in eating. Expecting him to buy dinner a couple of times a week is not asking much, especially since you would still be carrying the majority of the work.
Not to mention he makes a significantly higher salary than you, while everything else is split 50/50. It sounds like the workload balance is shifting in the wrong direction..” yawolloh7
6. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Family For Not Leaving The Buffet With Me?
“Today was meant to be a special celebration at a buffet for my mom’s and my kid’s birthday together. I invited my dad, mom, brother, his partner, my husband, and our kid. The reservation was for 11:30 am, but my dad, mom, brother, and his partner arrived at 12:30 pm due to a rental car issue.
My husband, our kid, and I arrived on time and started eating after confirming they would be late. I paid for everyone upon entering the buffet. We all ate together until 1:30 pm. The allocated dining time was 90 minutes but we dined longer since no one was chasing us away.
However, my husband and I had to leave for an Apple demo appointment at 2 pm that we had booked when we reached. However we stayed longer than our time slot, and no one from the restaurant asked us to leave. When I suggested they could leave with us since our dining time was up, my brother responded with, “Why should I stop eating because of you?” They all told us to go ahead, which left me feeling a bit frustrated because I thought we could leave together.
Feeling annoyed, I said to my brother, “Why are you so entitled?” He got angry, and before leaving, I sarcastically remarked, “Okay, now you can continue to eat all you want, eat till you’re full and enjoy your food.”
AITJ for making these comments?
When they arrived, they didn’t even apologize for being late even though I reminded them three times that our appointment time was booked at 11.30 am.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your parents, brother, and his partner were late due to transportation issues. That’s outside of their control and you are not owed an apology for that. If the restaurant wanted them to leave, a staff member would have spoken up.
Your brother wasn’t being “entitled” to stay and finish his meal. It sounds like you went into the meal frustrated that people were going to be late, and then took that all out on your brother.” InappropriateAccess
Another User Comments:
“I’m just curious… I have never heard of a restaurant (buffet or otherwise) putting a time limit on dining.
Are there signs? Does the waitstaff somehow time you? If the Manager of the restaurant didn’t say anything, I’m assuming it isn’t a hard and fast ‘rule’. It seems like they were late for a reason beyond their control(car rental issues). Sounds like they informed you they would be late and arrived as soon as possible.
I’m not sure why you felt compelled to ‘remind’ them they were late when it was something that seemed out of their control. I’ve been out to eat in a group setting many times. Sometimes, we all left together. Sometimes, people left at various times for various reasons.
No one ever commented other than ‘it was nice seeing you! Glad you made it!’ I’m stumped. Why do you think (only) your brother was ‘entitled’? YTJ.” pinkflamingo-lj
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1. They had car issues and you make it out as their fault.
2. You could have asked to bump the time so they could eat with you or waited for them if the restaurant didn’t allow that. 3. You won’t die if you miss an Apple Demo that probably will be on YouTube after an hour or two of it finishing.
4. Your responses make it out as you not wanting to see if you were wrong but just want people to praise you or go ‘oh, sweetie, you did nothing wrong and they were evil for ruining your meal by having a bad car and being cranky from hunger and almost making you miss a once in a lifetime tech demo that will be recorded and put on the Internet afterward.'” MaleficentBasil4
5. AITJ For Telling My Narcissistic Mom I Wish I Had A Different Mother?
“My mom was an absolute narcissist growing up. We had to have gendered interests (no Legos for me). I had to partake in extracurricular activities she liked (no drama club or band).
I was grounded for not making the cheerleader team, and she would call our friends overweight or poor if they didn’t meet her expectations. I was on a diet as a kid and not allowed to eat the same as my brothers.
My sister-in-law’s (Kate) mom (Debbie) was the opposite, allowing her kids to do what they wanted and have interests just for them.
Kate is a lovely, well-adjusted woman; her mother, whom I have met several times, is a kind soul.
We had a graduation party for my youngest brother. Kate made us cupcakes, and they were delicious. My mom made a snide remark about wishing I could be as perfect as Kate.
I told my mom I knew that feeling because Debbie was such a perfect mom, and I wished she was my mother so I could have turned out perfect like Kate.
My mom lost her temper and started yelling at me, asking how I could say that to her.
I pointed out that Kate seemed perfect because she had a good childhood with good parents, and I’m sure I would have bloomed into a person like Kate under the same opportunities.
My mom kicked me out of the party and got mad at me for upsetting everyone with my disrespectful behavior.
I went home, and Kate and my brother stopped by later, bringing me some cupcakes and wine. We talked, and neither was mad at me. My mom, however, goes to social media to air her dirty laundry and shame me (this is not new behavior, so I’m unfazed by that).
Several people called me ungrateful and said my mom did the best she could for us. I find it laughable, but family members say I need to apologize, but she started it by saying, “Kate is perfect.””
Another User Comments:
“Just make a public response asking why it’s okay for your mom to disrespect you asking why you can’t be like Kate, but when you say the exact same thing back regarding her and Debbie, it’s suddenly an issue.
Then air more dirty laundry, asking why it’s okay for a parent to force a growing kid to be on a diet (not healthy unless actually overweight), why it’s fine for her to ground you because you weren’t accepted in cheerleaders, even though she was the only one, and why you weren’t allowed your own interests.
Someone can try their best (she didn’t) and still not be good enough. Just return the same energy.” LOD616
Another User Comments:
“I confronted my narcissist mom once I left home. It felt good to get a lot of stuff off my chest. Shockingly she sat there and took it because I had cut her out of my life and she wanted back in.
A few years later when my brother had children, she was living with him to help raise them. I constantly told her certain behaviors really hurt me and I see her doing it to my nieces. To her credit, she tried to change for their sake.
She was a much better grandma than mom but still wasn’t great. I’ve had to go no-contact again because there was just too much damage to overlook. Protect yourself in whatever way you need to. You didn’t ask to be born. You owe her nothing.
NTJ One side note: probably not the best time/place to strike back, but sometimes you just gotta. Don’t apologize to her.” fanofthethings
Another User Comments:
“Comment on her post short accounts. Pick brief and totally real things. Make them short and true. For example: Remember when you wouldn’t let me join drama club saying “only weirdos do that” and then grounded me when I didn’t make the cheerleading squad that you forced me to try out for?
Ah good times. So grateful. Remember when I was 11 and you told me that it was embarrassing to have such an overweight child? You were such a great mom, I’m so grateful. Remember when you only let me play with girl toys and not the legos I wanted because you said… Etc. People like your mother crave public approval, and having her true failings revealed will teach her more than any amount of heart-to-heart talks.” HappySummerBreeze
4. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Seeks Medical Help For His Unusual Bowel Habits?
“I (35F) am married to a wonderful man (38M). He has his quirks, most of which I really love. There is one small issue which I would love for him to work on, as I think it would make both of our lives easier.
My husband needs to poop twice every morning.
Once immediately after waking, once at a variable interval thereafter, usually within 2hrs.
He cannot hold it and must go within a few minutes of the urge.
He has had to quit an early morning exercise hobby because if he gets the urge to go during his workout, he has to let the team down to go to the bathroom immediately, or else he’d soil himself.
It affects the time we spend together as our morning cannot begin until this routine is accomplished. When we set out to go for a morning walk or do errands, we frequently have to turn back or find a restroom within 10-15mins so he can do his second poop.
We’ve chatted about why things are this way and he states he has always been this way. He does not feel his life to be particularly disrupted, although he does have minor accidents a couple of times per year when caught short. He will also occasionally poop in an alleyway, garden, or other public space when caught short, which is concerning as he could be arrested or at least humiliated if caught (not to mention it’s disgusting).
I’ve suggested numerous times that seeing a doctor/physio and working on this might make his (our) mornings less stressful, but he hasn’t expressed any interest in following up on this.
He otherwise has no issues with health or continence, but I’m mindful that there could be a medical explanation for why he is like this.
Equally, I don’t want to pathologize or stigmatize him. He is irritated at my insistence that he should get help for what he views as a normal part of his life. AITJ for insisting that he seek a medical opinion even though he’s adamant that he’s okay with living this way?”
Another User Comments:
“I was all set to say leave him alone until you said it results in him sometimes pooping in an alley or in his pants. What the heck? I understand if he’s embarrassed to talk to a doctor about it, but wouldn’t it be a lot more embarrassing to soil himself in public?
Honestly, there could be an easy fix or the doctor might say, “as long as you’re going, just plan accordingly!” and then he can tell you he did his due diligence and there’s nothing else to be done… though therapy might be a good choice too, as someone else mentioned, could be some psychosomatic issues going on there.” Living-Highlight7777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to go. But the fact that it’s always at particular times could mean he has trained himself that those are the times to go. When I was little, my grandma always woke me up in the middle of the night to pee so I wouldn’t wet the bed, and no matter what now, I always still wake up at those times and have to go immediately.
It’s psychosomatic (although if I go to bed late like 1 am, I won’t wake up). But this is not normal that he can’t even hold it because his body is ready. Using it as soon as he wakes up is common, most people do that.
But the 2 hours later? Does he drink coffee? It could be that or dairy (does he have milk). It could be that simple.” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – This sounds like a habit he has formed with its consistency and has trained his body.
Did he used to get up for school/work, use the bathroom, and then as a precaution use it before he left again? Something like that can cause the body to essentially program itself to poop at those time intervals. If he wakes up and poops, and then has food/coffee/water, or something it can also trigger the body to go through the motions.
At his age though it’s worth it to schedule a colonoscopy for preventative care. Constant use of the bathroom like that can cause things like hemorrhoids, diverticulosis, weakening of colon, etc. The worse ones will usually show up if he’s going multiple other times and is influenced highly by diet.
It’s also good to catch and eliminate polyps which many people get approaching 40.” IlLlIIOIllVlIIEllI
3. AITJ For Vetoing My Wife's Choice To Name Our Daughter Koala?
“My wife Michelle and I (30 and 28) are having our third child and our tradition is she names the girls and I get the boys, but the other gets veto power.
Both of our first two are boys so I was certain she would want one of the names we already discussed for a girl. But no. She wants to name our daughter Koala.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against koalas, but I think naming a kid after them is a little bizarre.
It’d be adorable when she’s little, but just imagine her working retail and having KOALA printed on her chest for all to see. Neither of us is Australian or has ever been there so it just seems an odd choice. I vetoed the name and said we can call her Koala if Michelle wanted, but she deserves to not have that on her birth certificate.
Michelle got upset with me and said I was undermining her choices. She locked herself in our bedroom and won’t talk to me, and both her parents called me to report that I am the jerk. I didn’t mean to undermine her but I think that name is going to spell nothing but trouble.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did I want to name my son some absolutely absurd names (in retrospect) while I was pregnant? Yes! I went through names like Plissken, Mclaine, Giles and so on. But thank goodness, my partner said absolutely not to every single one of them.
It’s not me that has to live with those names (don’t worry, we settled on something much more reasonable – Robert), and it’s not your wife that has to live with Koala; it’s your daughter. ‘Unique’ names can be lovely, but remembering that this is a whole other human that will deal with the consequences of all your parental choices is so important and you’ve absolutely done the right thing to veto that name.” dingleberrydoughnut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but how is this her parents’ business anyway? Can’t you guys resolve an issue by yourself without getting other people involved? Is this normal behaviour for you guys? And how is this working? As soon you can’t find a compromise, both try to find as much people as possible who are on their side and then you count the votes to decide who is right and who wrong?
Because God forbid that two adults resolve their conflicts by themselves? Smh.” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“I have had my fair share of weird hormonal names during my pregnancies. And I am still happy that my husband was able to maneuver these hormones and stuck to the names we do have (but I will admit during the hormonal process I was angry, sad, and desperate because the babies really felt like a -insert weird name-….
With our first, I was the worst. Even before we decided to go for children we had talked about names and both had the same girl’s name as our favorite. Easy peasy right?! Get in those hormones…. I found a beautiful name on a list and the baby felt like that name.
My husband agreed it was beautiful (he was trying to maneuver the hormones, he was smart) but he really loved our first choice and thought of her already with that name. We could keep this name in mind for the next baby.
With the third I really liked Otis, still do.
But it’s the elevator brand at his work. So for him, it wasn’t a child’s name but the elevator he used every day. Really ticked me off, thought I never would find a name that would feel right. Every time I step in an elevator now I’m happy it’s not the name of our son (still like the name though).
It will be hard to maneuver the name. Especially with the way you decided to do the naming process. Maybe buy her a cute stuffed koala bear?” haasje83
2. AITJ For Figuring Out My Partner's Secret Family Pasta Recipe?
“A week ago, I (24m) had dinner at my partner’s (23f) place, and her mom made this absolutely divine pasta.
She said the sauce recipe had been craftily modified by her family across generations and everyone who learned of it was sworn to secrecy.
Later, I was craving it again, so I asked my partner to make it since she knows the secret family recipe.
She agreed and went out to get groceries for it (along with some other stuff I asked her to pick up for me). After dinner, I asked her how much I owed her for the stuff she bought for me, and she said “I don’t remember, just check the bill.”
I checked it, and while looking for my stuff on it, I found a bunch of really unique and surprising ingredients that I figured she must’ve added to the pasta sauce. I really love reverse engineering dishes and figuring out their recipes, so I had some suspicion already.
The rest of the ingredients (that she already had at home) I figured out by taste. So I decided to try my hand at the recipe based on the information at hand and made what I can call a pretty much perfect copy. I had her try it to confirm and she asked me how I managed to figure out the mystery ingredients and I confessed the grocery bill was a big help.
She’s kind of upset because she suspected I tricked her into making it and is saying that she failed her family by not guarding the recipe well enough. After I explained myself, she believes it was an accident but thinks I should’ve pushed it out of my mind as soon as I learned about it and respected the secrecy instead of making the sauce.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, people who get upset over “secret recipes” are the reason good recipes get lost to the world. Unless someone is going to try to profit off a recipe, there should be no reason not to share recipes. That being said people have a right to be protective over their intellectual property, and I reckon this is a no jerks here situation.
Reverse engineering a recipe is not a crime. As long as he agrees not to share that recipe around I personally see no problem with it.” BorakTheCaveman
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she told you she didn’t want you to have the recipe and you tried to take it anyway.
This is a family recipe and, at least at present, you’re not family. This is about a sense of connection they have. You’ve ignored your partner’s wishes for reasons I’m not really sure about. You wanted to prove how great you are? Honestly, overall, this isn’t about the food itself: it is about the fact that your partner expressed a wish and drew a boundary that you completely ignored because you wanted to make yourself feel good.
You put yourself above her for no reason and that is why she is hurt. I think you should apologize for that reason – she’s going to be on guard about what she shares around you now and you need to avoid that if possible.” dianaprince2022
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There’s no way you accidentally read every single ingredient by accident when you know the cost is at the bottom of the receipt. Then it wasn’t an accident when you went out of your way to try and recreate it. Then to show off your prowess you had her confirm it.
She told you it was a secret and you purposefully went out of your way to recreate it. you sound like those ‘brutally honest’ people, you just couldn’t help yourself. Of course she is upset, she’ll be even more upset when her family is mad at her because based on your post you definitely won’t keep your mouth shut about how you figured it out.
I feel like most of the NTJ replies are just people who don’t like secret recipes, but this isn’t about the recipe, it’s about your ego.” beito14159
1. AITJ For Involving My Mother-In-Law After My Wife Refused To Shower Post-Birth?
“My wife just gave birth to twins and hasn’t had a shower since, every time I ask her to she gives some kind of excuse.
Like “I can’t leave the babies” or “I’m just too tired.”
She never acted like this with our first child and even when I took time off work to help her, she still refused, I can’t understand why it has gotten beyond frustrating and worrying.
Other things she usually looks after like dinner or cleaning the house haven’t been looked after, I’ve been doing as much as I can myself which is hard because I work full time, now those things I can manage for the time being as I understand that it must take some time getting used to taking care of the new additions to our family.
She is really starting to stink and it’s hard for me when I sleep beside her during the night so during work I called her mom to see if she had any idea to help her daughter. Her mom gave me a few ideas but didn’t tell me she was gonna come over which she did.
My mother-in-law went over to our house and basically forced my wife into the shower and refused to leave until she did shower.
When I got home my wife was angry and told me she didn’t need her mom involved and that she only needed my support during the hard time she’s going through.
She’s been barely speaking to me ever since, I now feel as if I’ve done something wrong.
Am I the jerk for telling my wife’s mom?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s beyond a smelly issue, but also a health issue, and could have caused all sorts of infections.
It likely stems from PPD. It’s good that you involved her mom. But something should have been done sooner. Better late than never I guess. Giving birth is hard. And those hormones are wreaking havoc. It messes with the whole body and mind. Throw sleep deprivation into the mix, and it’s even worse.
NTJ. When she goes for her 6-week checkup, talk to her Dr, tell them what’s going on, and see what they say.” Unique-Arachnid3630
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re focusing on a symptom rather than the real problem right now. She may be suffering from postpartum depression, and you should definitely get her mom even more involved and talk to both your wife and her doctor about what’s going on.
Have your MIL stay for a bit if you need to. You both definitely need an extra hand for a bit until your wife is able to recover. If you keep overexerting yourself, you’ll burn out and not be able to help her and take care of your kids or yourself the way that all of you deserve.
PPD is rough, but with the right support system, you can make it through okay. Make sure to be gentle with her.” tortillapig
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your wife might feel otherwise but this IS a showing of support. Support is giving people what they NEED, not necessarily what they WANT.
You saw something was wrong and you got the support network involved. As the husband this is E X A C T L Y what you are supposed to do! Well done you!
Frankly, I think your wife should be evaluated for postpartum depression. With things going undone that your wife normally takes care of, and lack of self-care, I think PPD is almost obvious and she should be getting treatment for it.
I’m a man, but I suffer from cyclical depression enough to know how much it can suck the life out of you. Get her the care she needs It would be a VERY GOOD IDEA if you could arrange a day or 2 off and stay home to take care of things and help your wife get metaphorically back on her feet.
And if she won’t do it on her own, go to Mom again, because she NEEDS this, whether she likes it or not!” [deleted]
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