People Can Learn A Lot By Having Us Comment On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend To Reimburse Me After Her Wedding Got Cancelled?
“I (30F) was the MOH for my best friend’s wedding (29F). Her wedding was supposed to be next week but it got canceled out of nowhere a few days ago.
The wedding is officially off. At the moment I do not know what happened but she has been pretty quiet about the whole thing so I guess something bad happened. It caught everyone by surprise.
Where I might be the jerk is I actually spent a lot of money to help her with this wedding, I threw her a bridal shower (800 bucks) and spent a lot of money to plan for the bachelorette party that is now not happening, other pre-wedding events, my dress, etc. Altogether it’s a little over $3000.
Now that it’s not happening I was hoping to be reimbursed at least a portion so I asked her if she would be willing to due to how much I spent that is now being wasted and she never texted me back, though I did say it did not need to be immediate or anything.
My parents are saying this was a bad move because she is probably heartbroken and here I am bothering her for money. I get that, I really do, and I know this isn’t about me but I also think it’s sort of just common decency to do this especially since I easily sunk a lot more money into these events aside from her parents who I believed paid for the venue and actual wedding.
And now there’s no wedding so it all sort of went to waste and I blew a hole out of my wallet for nothing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were gonna be out this money anyway if the wedding had gone down. You were her MoH, not a ticket holder to a concert that got rained out.
Did you even ask if she was okay? I’ve never seen a wedding that close get canceled for a joyful reason, and I can’t imagine she’s doing great. I get it, it’s a lot of money, but if that was your first thought, you probably shouldn’t have accepted the MoH role.” thischaosiskillingme
Another User Comments:
“I can’t even imagine asking this. My sister had a wedding canceled 2-3 days prior. At the time, I was a new mom & had spent $ I could barely scrape together on the dress, gift, shower, etc. Yet I never even thought about asking for reimbursement.
Like your friend, the reason was kept very private so only immediate family members were aware of what happened. I was told but even if I hadn’t been, I would not have asked for money. Is this a thing? Do people actually expect reimbursement in these situations?
Honestly, unless the reason the wedding was called off is because she was unfaithful with your SO, YTJ.” GreenEyedKittyCat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your best friend’s relationship just blew up and you’re…more concerned about getting the money back? I understand being upset about the money you’re out, I do but…she was getting ready to spend the rest of her life with someone and called it off.
Maybe show a bit of compassion? Also if you can, change the bachelorette into a girl’s night to cheer her up.” GraveDancer40
21. AITJ For Assigning A Wheelchair-Bound Kid The Role Of Professor X?
“I (18m) work as a camp counselor at a summer camp and on some nights we have the kids participate in a “Heroes vs Villains” game night where the kids compete against each other with one team being superheroes and the other team being supervillains.
We used to let the kids pick what characters they’d want to be but there started to be a lot of fighting over who was gonna be who, so now we choose for them. We have a bunch of costumes/hats/etc for the kids to wear and it’s a ton of fun.
This week we have a boy who uses a wheelchair staying with us. Super cool and friendly. I was on team “Heroes” for the game night and my co-captain (17f) and I were assigning everyone characters. I told the kid in the wheelchair he could be Professor X if he wanted and gave him a little clip-on tie which he seemed happy about.
My co-captain drags me off to the side and asks why I assigned him Professor X. I told her that both of them are cool and are able to do awesome things despite their disability. Then she accused me of discriminating against him and using his disability as a punchline.
I said that I asked him if it was okay before giving him the role and she told me that I shouldn’t have even brought up that character in the first place and should have just made him a different character to begin with.
I just want some opinions if I was in the wrong for doing this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would have been if you compelled him to. But you did ask and he happily agreed. Most of the time people like the character they relate to most be it gender, race, or region. There are high chances the kid was thrilled about it too because Charles is one of the few characters with whom he can relate to.
I don’t feel you’re a jerk, the other person is just too sensitive in the name of being PC.” The1TrueClairvoyant
Another User Comments:
“I’d say YTJ. It’s hard to say if the kid was actually ok with it or just saying he was to please you as the older one in charge.
Would you feel just as comfortable assigning the Black kid Black Panther, the Asian kid Shang-Chi automatically? Not the best move singling younger kids out like that based on something they might be self-conscious about. I think the move here would be to make a bunch of cards with superheroes on them and have the captains allow the kids to pick a card in some assigned order.
You get the best of both worlds where the kids can pick but there should be less fighting than if they just all tried to call dibs and sort it out themselves. This works and also lets you go nuts and include all sorts of diverse characters on the cards.
So the kid in the wheelchair gets to pick Professor X if he truly does identify with him, but isn’t forced to just because he’s the kid in the wheelchair.” heymancoolshoesdude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think “Do you want (superhero who shares kid’s disability) or someone else?” is an entirely appropriate question.
I don’t think you’d be out of line making this something of a policy, as long as the kids are allowed to opt out – figure out a diverse list of disabilities with matching superheroes and have a volume or two of their comics if the kids want to read them after the game.
For kids that age it’s exciting to find out a superhero you didn’t know is disabled “matches” you.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Husband's Offensive Anniversary Gift?
“My (42f, red hair) husband (31f, normal hair) returned from a trip to Asia with his friend from school just in time for our anniversary.
When it came time to exchange gifts, he had a big goofy grin on his face and handed me my “hand-picked” gift that he got in Thailand – a cloth bracelet embroidered with the words “ginger (slur)” on it. I was obviously distraught and upset, asking him why he thought he could give me such a crude and ugly gift. He said he thought it was funny and that I’d have a laugh.
Needless to say, he’s sleeping on the couch tonight. I got him a gorgeous briefcase and an expensive watch and he gets me a cheap bracelet calling me a disgusting slur (two, actually). Now he’s saying I’m a stick in the mud who can’t take a joke, and his friends are all saying the same.
I’m second-guessing myself on this one. So AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my husband bought me an oak tool chest once…yes a tool chest. Also, it was empty. I bought a 200-dollar hammer for this tool chest. It looked so lonely..the hammer did, so I bought a 1000-diamond tennis bracelet to keep it company.
The hammer has never been used, after all, it was expensive. Told him the only way that hammer would be used was on him if he ever bought me such a stupid gift again. It has been 30 years. Hammer is still perfect and husband is unharmed.” Ambitious-Tiger-3889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Can’t take a joke” is how folks like your husband phrase “not willing to give me a pass on my bullying”. It wasn’t a joke. It was just cruel. And he decided to ruin your anniversary by giving you a piece of cheap trash to memorialize him calling you a slur.
He seems like quite the charmer.” SnarkyBeanBroth
Another User Comments:
“It’s inappropriate as an anniversary gift. It’s fine and funny as a joke. Like if he came back from a trip and said “I saw something that made me think of one of my favorite things about you” and whipped that out – okay fine.
Funny. But to use an occasion that is meant to be heartfelt and loving and turn it into a joke – is not fun or funny. It’s dismissive and emotionally stunted.” Dr_slave_princess
19. AITJ For Asking My Bridesmaids To Wear Their Hair Up And Sneakers At My Wedding?
“The year before my wedding, my friend “Juliette” threw a wedding at a luxury resort in Jamaica and I was a bridesmaid. The dress was several hundred dollars, the trip was thousands of dollars, and she had two bachelorette parties. The bridal shower was days of work.
I had to wear very itchy fabric in 90° heat in stiletto heels during a ceremony and I smiled and was supportive throughout the whole thing. When I agreed to be a bridesmaid I knew how high-maintenance Juliette was and I was happy to do it.
Plus, my fiancé and I really enjoyed our time at the resort. And to clarify, I’m not upset by any of this. I just think it’s relevant to what comes next.
Flash forward to my wedding, The venue was very local to us in Tennessee but very different and, because of that, we all wore sneakers (for safety reasons).
I also just picked a color swatch and let all of my bridesmaids pick their own dresses. There were good choices ranging from 50 to 500 in the stock fabric and I really didn’t care what they picked. I just asked that for continuity everyone wear their hair up, and wear the sneakers I chose.
I had a combined bridal shower/bachelorette weekend and made sure to keep the cost super low and helped pay for some things. I’m just a different person with different needs during my wedding.
I didn’t think my asks were that big of a deal, but my friend came to me and said that she “never wears her hair up ever“.
I found that really odd because I’ve seen several photos of her at events with her hair up. I told her that I was sorry, but I thought it would look really cute with all of the mixed-matched dresses if we had things coordinated elsewhere.
She said, “that’s fine then“. Things were awkward after that but I didn’t really think much of it. I found out after the wedding that she told people that I was being a bridezilla and that I was trying to make everyone uglier than me by asking for everyone to wear sneakers and put their hair up.
I also wore sneakers and put my hair up…..
I really don’t understand this. Here is a person who had everything she wanted, and more for her wedding. I’ve kept things reasonable, affordable, and fun for my friends and it was just hair.
Was I wrong to ask for this small thing? AITJ? Maybe I’m missing something.
I’m asking now, because since my wedding things have gotten weird between us. I never told her that I knew what she said, and I probably will never bring it up.
I’m not looking for any advice as to whether it could be more than this event, but it is when everything started. So in the back of my mind, I keep wondering if I was the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Was your wedding scheduled between Juliette’s wedding and first anniversary?
If so, her reign as Queen Bridezilla had not yet ended, and therefore, any request — no matter how simple — was too much of you to ask. NTJ. You made seemingly simple requests. You gave your bridal party a lot of leeway with regard to dresses, footwear that very likely will be re-worn, and a not outlandish requirement for hair.
Sorry that someone didn’t like your plans for YOUR day. It’s a shame they couldn’t put aside their preferences without griping for one day.” effie-sue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding and your rules. And the things you asked for were not unreasonable at all.
On a somewhat separate note: The fact that you were willing to put up with demanding conditions in the Jamaica wedding has no bearing on your own situation unless it involved the same bridesmaids. Don’t hold other people to your standards. This advice will serve you well as you go forward in your relationship with your new husband.
Don’t expect everyone to have your same tolerances. The fact that you might find something acceptable doesn’t mean you have the right to expect your partner to feel the same way. This point may be particularly relevant after you have children and there are situations where husband is in charge of the house and kids.
He’s not going to keep up the house and kids the same way you do.” blayko01
Another User Comments:
“I want to kind of lean towards no jerks here/everyone’s the jerk here. I NEVER wear my hair up in anything where photos will be taken because, for whatever reason, I will look horrible, like my face is incredibly chubby, etc. if I do.
I can do half up, but full up? No, that’s a massive hard pass for me and I would feel uncomfortable doing it, especially at a wedding.” throwaway1_2_0_2_1
18. AITJ For Not Tipping In My Country Where It's Not Customary?
“I (33m) have been in a long-distance relationship with a beautiful woman, Karen (I promise, that’s her actual name, I’m not messing with you), (f23). I met Karen when I was temporarily working in the US (my company sent me there for 6 months).
Karen is a single mother of 2 and works as a waitress. We hit it off immediately. Unfortunately, after a few months, I had to get back and we were going to be in a long-distance relationship until I could transfer permanently.
In the meantime, I bought her tickets so she could visit me (her kids stayed with her mom).
Obviously, I’m not from the US and you’d think she would do some basic research about my country but clearly she didn’t.
We went for dinner and when we were about to leave, I paid the bill and when we were leaving, Karen asked if I forgot to tip the waitress (I did tip when I was in the US).
I replied that no and it’s not customary to tip here as waiters get paid normal wage. I tried to explain that I feel we did tip waiters, we’d have to tip everyone else on minimum wage, including every shop worker, cleaner, etc. But she ignored me.
She was quiet on our ride home (taxi) and she started shouting at me when we got home. I was taken aback because she’s never shouted at me before.
I assumed she had too much wine and would cool down in the morning and I would be able to explain my position but no luck, she’s been passive-aggressive ever since, picking up fights for the smallest things.
I am starting to doubt myself, was I in the wrong for not tipping that waitress? We’re in one of the EU countries and it’s really not normal to tip waiters. But should I have done it as to not annoy my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not mandatory in Europe and your partner should have at least paid attention to that if she wishes to visit outside the US. It’s unfair on her to be defensive and overly sensitive and not bother to use that time giving you the cold shoulder to look up basic information that is a tap/click away.
Very telling of her character as she is immature and not willing to admit she is in the wrong for not knowing about tippings outside of her own country. The whole point of traveling to other countries is to learn about the culture and differences there.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, NTJ…each country has its own rules on tipping. I have heard from some, that it is considered rude and they will chase you down to return it. She needs to understand that US rules do not apply to other countries.
Besides, the US has different rules depending on the restaurant, so even that is not always universal. (With tip pools, tipping out bussers, etc.)” Pheonyx11
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but I can see why your partner was offended. Not being from your country, she still felt it as a personal affront to her profession when you didn’t tip.
In the future, if you are at dinner with her, it is probably wise for you to just go ahead and tip as a loving gesture to her. You can get into a political discussion about how each of your countries views tipping, or you can have a happy partner….the choice is yours.” thekellysong
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Accident-Prone Cousin Borrow My Car?
“My (20m) cousin( 21m) has a GTI that he can’t afford and has now resorted to using his mother’s insurance because it’s cheaper than getting his own and he has 3 accidents on his record. He has only had this car for about a year and a half.
Now his car is in the shop getting fixed and it will take about 4 days to fix all the exterior damage. I just got my car about 3 months ago and have never scratched it or anything it was pre-owned but still runs great and has no problems.
Now where I work is significantly closer than where he works, but that’s because I got this job before I had my car so that I could longboard to it. He works in the main city about 45mins away on the highway. When I was without a car if I wanted a ride I would have to pay him 20$ for going anywhere, so I just stopped asking.
But now because his car is in the shop he wants to borrow my car because “your job is closer you can walk, I can’t.” I told him “when I didn’t have a car you let me walk everywhere, you didn’t give a darn if it was in the rain or snow, so why should I let you use it?” He tried to blame it on work and gas prices but I knew it was because he simply didn’t care.
So am I the jerk? It would take him like 2 hours to longboard to work but I feel he’s done the same to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The answer is NO. if he starts asking why: because I said so, because you have 3 accidents, because I have weird insurance that won’t cover you, because I have weird insurance that won’t cover you and I don’t trust you to have personal insurance, because you are a slob (never works even if they are a slob), it will take more than 7 days to adjust my insurance to cover you.
When I was younger I loaned out my truck, and every “friend” returned it with an empty tank, now I don’t loan it out (also now I have a much bigger truck that has really weird insurance so I can’t loan it, and I don’t mind one bit).
Always fill a vehicle up when you return it, even if it is empty when you got it. Also, why is he wanting to borrow your car? Why not borrow his mom’s car?” csunya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if the question was whether or not you should give him a ride a couple of times I’m not sure how to answer that.
But if you’re asking if you should lend this guy your new car when he treats his own car and the roads like he’s in a demolition derby the answer immediately without thinking about it is no. That’s nonnegotiable. Add to that the fact that he did not help you when you didn’t have a car the answer would be surprised laughing and then walking away without giving an answer.” Orphan_Izzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s amazing when someone wants to borrow something and insults you in the same breath. Hold your ground. You’re absolutely right about how he treated you and his previous accidents. And if he’s on his mother’s insurance, it’s likely he’s only covered for the cars on her insurance.
My partner is listed as a “driver” of my vehicle on my insurance. He doesn’t have insurance to drive other vehicles. Stand your ground. If someone has to be argumentative to convince you of something and it’s because they want something from you, odds are it’s a bad idea.
Just say no.” benfranklin-katniss
16. AITJ For Retaliating After My Husband Made Demeaning Jokes About Me All Day?
“My hubby kept making jokes at me all day yesterday. I felt more like they were digs and after the first few I pulled him on it. For example, we finished an episode of our show and then I said I was going to go clean the house.
He said “that will make a change” and started laughing. I do literally all the housework so I wasn’t impressed but let it go.
Anyways fast forward to the evening after a whole day of this (jokes about me as a wife/mother), he sends me this relationship joke about how if you’re looking to be with a woman with a sense of humor you’re out of luck since they don’t exist. I said “really?” He replied I only just proved his point, that I had no sense of humor.
Fed up I replied, “well I must do, since I married you and you’re a whole freaking joke.” Now he’s been sulking and barely talking to me. Did I take it too far? AITJ? If so I will apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he had it coming, I’m sorry.
Like he made fun of you the whole day for literally just doing what he is too lazy to do? Seems like he can dish it out but not take it. Also, I hate those people who go on and on with unfunny and inconsiderate jokes and if people don’t find them funny they just say “well you don’t have humor,” like my dude maybe you just aren’t funny??
However OP I did find your retort quite funny so you go show him.” ryuzakis_left_elbow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’S jUsT a JoKe BrO. Your husband needs to learn that if he wants to dish out ‘jokes’, he needs to be able to take them.
Even if he could, he should respect that you don’t appreciate them and stop. If he doesn’t…well, call me petty but perhaps you should take on his ‘advice’ OP and have a sense of humor. Every time in the future he tries to ‘make a joke’, make one straight back at him.
He will soon learn to stop.” CheeseAndPasta97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT you’re going to have to sit down with him and explain very clearly why this isn’t cool. This is a HUGE point of contention for me OP – especially since I love comedy.
Sitcoms are my favorite thing. I studied them (media) in Graduate School and watch A LOT of stand-up. I won’t go to a concert but I risk my biscuit going to comedy shows at the local club. I was told – after a joke about a part of my body I have NO control over – and saying I don’t like that it hurt my feelings – that I can’t take a joke or have no sense of humor.
I love my person – but this is a hill to die on – since it could not be more evident that it is the furthest thing from reality – and after I cooled down a little (so as to not be gaslit) I used it as a teaching moment.
Long anecdote to say that that is NOT true – folks who can’t or won’t apologize when their face hole got them in trouble and they’ve messed up double down to not be wrong and attack you more. This is nonsense behavior that you should never tolerate.
I mean – never. It’s a tear-down and a precursor to emotional abuse (if not already).
You can begin the conversation by saying explain the joke to me explain why jokes of this nature are out of bounds and if they double down instead of listening you need to give it a good think.
For me the dish out doesn’t work – why? Because I’m too good at it. My digs are little cuts that hit the jugular but theirs are just jokes so again DARVO all around. It seems for you this may be happening so be prepared to defend against the DARVO.
Good luck and again NTJ.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Including My Sons In My Life Insurance Payout?
“I (54M) have lung cancer from years of smoking.
It has spread past the lungs and chemo did not slow it down. I have two boys from a past marriage, N (22) and his younger brother B (20). Their mom left me when they were young because of my drinking and other issues. I’m currently married to my second wife and live in a different state across the country.
I eventually turned my life around and got a decent job that I enjoyed. The job paid pretty well and offered perks. One of these benefits was a generous life insurance plan that would pay out a large sum to my current wife.
The issue that came up happened when my son B (20) came to visit me a few weeks ago.
Both my boys lived with me for a few years when their mother was struggling with bills and was out of work due to an injury. They still lived with their grandparents and their mom wasn’t able to contribute. I was sober and had been stable for a while, so they came to live with me.
Unfortunately, I did not always treat them well. I wasn’t used to being a full-time dad and we argued. They eventually told their mom they didn’t want to live with me anymore and moved back to live with their mom. I’m trying to make it up now, but my oldest, N, is not receptive and doesn’t talk to me.
My youngest agreed to come since I was paying for his ticket and expenses.
I wanted him to have a good time and get some good memories with me before I pass. So, I waited until the end of the trip to discuss the important stuff.
House, car, life insurance. He asked if he and his brother were getting any of the payouts. I asked him what the issue was and he stated that it was unfair that he and N would be getting trinkets and mementos rather than any of the payout or big items. I tried to tell him it wasn’t about money and I wanted to pass on stuff that had value to me.
He told me that most of the items had no real value to him. Like a pocket knife from his grandfather, but I admit he never met him so he may not care. He told me that I never supported his mom when he was growing up and she had to move across the country to live with her parents.
She had to pay back a lot of debt that I racked up in our names and that made it hard for her to get back on her feet. I admit that and I rarely sent money when they were kids.
He also said that even half the life insurance would help him and his brother with college or at least get on their feet.
Both he and his brother work and are self-sufficient, but I know they struggle at times. B gets financial aid and is looking at loans when he transfers to a four-year college next year. I told him that I also have to look out for my current wife who has stood by me for years.
He seemed upset but didn’t argue.
He flew home a few days after that conversation, but it’s been bugging me. I’m not sure if I should bring it up to my wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m struggling to believe you’re this self-aware about your faults but can’t understand how a lump sum of money might be of more benefit and value to your 2 (adult) children at the moment.
I think (if this is true) you should consider ensuring any mortgage is paid off so your wife is secure and then splitting the rest between your kids. Your wife may go on to remarry but this may mean the difference between really getting on their feet as adults or continuing to struggle.
It’s also the last thing you can do to ensure your kids are as financially secure as you can make them and give them the stability most people crave, even if it’s just for a little while.” wildfellsprings
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were a horrible father, even when you were sober.
You didn’t financially support them as kids and left them with the burden of your debt on top of it. You think leaving them mementos from a father they never had instead of your life insurance is anything other than your last screw you to them from the grave?
Here you have an opportunity to right some of the wrongs you made and atone for the pain you put them through and you have to ask the internet if you’re a jerk for essentially cutting them out of the will? I hope they sue your widow for back child support.” HarlesBronson
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are a deadbeat father. You are a terrible husband and ex-husband. Notice I said ARE. That’s because you turned your life around (good job!) and STILL haven’t actually made amends for the pain and hardship you’ve caused. You have the opportunity now to step up, and STILL aren’t.
Of course your current wife needs some financial backing. But you could also be helping your sons have a more stable future, which would also set them up better to care for their mom as she ages. Lord knows that she probably has no means to care for herself, because of you.
Find a way to do both.” MiddleExperience9338
14. AITJ For Refusing To Get A Matching Religious Tattoo With My Family?
“My mom (49) and sisters (28 & 19) want us all to get matching tattoos and while I’d be okay with it if it was a tattoo I liked, I absolutely hate the tattoo they want us all to get and refuse to go with them to get it.
For context, my family is very religious. I’m not. They of course do not know I’m an atheist for obvious reasons. They want us all to get a cross in white ink. I hate this idea. I don’t care if no one will see it because it’s white, I’ll know it’s there.
My mom is angry with me saying that I don’t have any respect for my family or for God because I won’t be get this tattoo with them. She told me that she put up with me being gay and she deals with my partners and because she’s put in so much effort I can do this for her.
I told her that if she could come up with a tattoo that wasn’t a cross and that actually looked good I’d consider it but I do not want this cross permanently on my body. I don’t want to spend my hard-earned money on it, I don’t want to have to get it covered up when I can’t stand it anymore.
I do not want it.
Well, now she and my older sister are calling me a jerk because “family is important and we should do stuff even if we don’t want to for family.” And “Mom’s not going to be around forever and you’ll regret not doing this.” My younger sister is on my side as she’s a tattoo artist and refuses to do matching tattoos unless everyone involved seems totally into it.
I’m sticking my ground. I just cannot have that on my body. But I do feel a little guilty for upsetting them.
So AITJ for not getting this tattoo?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve been away from religion, and my immediate family for the most part, for a long time.
But, aren’t tattoos generally frowned upon by various religions? Throwing “family is important” at someone to try to force them to do something is always awful but for a tattoo is especially bad, there are plenty of things you guys could do/get together that aren’t permanently on your body.
Also, do you have other tattoos? If not can you just say “I don’t want a tattoo”?” Doodilydoo113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and sister are not nice. Also, fun fact Jewish belief in this case the Old Testament for your Christian family is actually against tattoos.
Personally, I love tattoos but if your mum and older sister are like this just say some stuff like ‘Jesus (the Jewish guy they are following) wouldn’t approve of tattoos’. This anti-tattoo belief comes from Leviticus 19.28 ‘you shall not make gashes in you flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves: I am the LORD’ so if your mum is a real bible thumper just read that to her and ask why she is going against god.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never get a tattoo that you aren’t 100% excited about. If they want to get a matching tattoo it should be something that you all want. Try to come up with suggestions that have some family meaning. Maybe a little dipper to point to the North Star or some other weird thing like that.
Otherwise, it could be a family animal, a state flower, etc. But just make sure everyone is excited about the tattoo. Also, a shared theme tattoo is better than exact matching tattoos in my opinion.” ironentropy
13. AITJ For Wanting To Accept A Work Opportunity Abroad That Might Risk My Relationship?
“I (24f) have been seeing my partner (24m) since September 2017. We love each other very much and have a very good relationship, with great communication and understanding.
I recently received the opportunity through my company to take 1 year abroad to work from one of their offices in Europe.
I told my partner about this opportunity and he was extremely upset, saying that it would hurt our relationship to do so. I agree, if I took this opportunity it wouldn’t be easy, but it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (in my opinion). I feel like I would be missing out on a great opportunity if I didn’t take it.
I obviously would want to keep seeing him and would put in effort to make it work. It also is only one year, which in the time scheme of our relationship, I feel like isn’t much.
A couple of years ago when we graduated college I accepted a job in Michigan and actively encouraged him to apply to jobs in whatever state he wanted, because I didn’t want to hold him back, even though I knew it might cause strain on our relationship.
He said that if I took this opportunity, it would be the “beginning of the end” of our relationship, even though when roles were reversed I was nothing but encouraging. Am I the jerk for wanting to accept this opportunity to work abroad for one year, even though it may put my relationship at risk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’ve been seeing each other for 5 years, are 24. I can imagine him being upset, as his mind was probably set on advancing your relationship at this stage: moving in together, marrying, kids. Taking a “gap year” now would be late into the relationship, especially if you’re going abroad and traveling back and forth on the weekend isn’t feasible.
By the sound of it, you were expecting to keep seeing him for another 5 years? Have either of you talked about your future together? Does it make you the jerk? No jerks here…yet. but carefully consider which you value more; your expat trip or partner.
After all, working abroad is just work, except in a different location.” DutchTinCan
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You say he seems to think so little of you for not encouraging you to leave the country. He thinks so much of you that he wants to be with you, and part of being with someone is being WITH that person.
You mentioned you were apart with you in Michigan and him in LA and seem to indicate that you were perfectly fine with it, but was he? You don’t know how well he handled it. He may be using that as grounds for why he doesn’t want you to take this job.
Also, you say it is temporary, one year. But how do you know it won’t be extended? Or maybe a chance to work I’m an even different country. Yes, this is a great opportunity for you. But only for you. You may have to decide if it is worth leaving him for it because you don’t seem to be considering his side of things.
Just playing devil’s advocate here.” Koalachan
Another User Comments:
“Just accept it, you will regret it more than losing a partner. I think you deserve a better partner who will support you. I know the feeling of falling in love & wanting to maintain a relationship but I ended up regretting it.
My story is that from high school through my college days, I had a partner for around 5 years, once I graduated I limited myself in seeking a job because I didn’t want to undergo an LDR with him (we were already in an LDR during my college days though it was only separated by cities rather than countries), he also often promised to marry me soon & that was why I reluctant to pursue broader career opportunity.
He then broke me up out of nowhere, wtf if only I had known this would happen, I would have gone all out for my career, now I’m struggling for years just for it because I wasted my opportunity in the past. At least I have a decent job now but I’m also insecure because the contract will end soon & I have to find a new job soon.
I sacrificed my future for the sake of maintaining my relationship with my ex, only for him to break it.” Ain3inAini
12. AITJ For Banning My Mom From Seeing My Child Over Religious Indoctrination?
“I am an atheist.
When I was pregnant, I told my family very clearly that I was not ok with them discussing religions or gods around my child as I want my child to decide for themselves what they believe when they get old enough instead of believing by default because they were exposed to religion at a very young age.
I told my family I see teaching a very young child that they’re going to burn forever unless they believe a certain thing a certain way, as indoctrination, and that I’m not ok with that under any circumstances for any reason.
I told them that I respect their right to believe whatever and however they want in their own lives but to not try to push any of their personal beliefs onto my child.
Recently I found out that my mom has been singing Jesus songs to my kid and telling them Jesus is my child’s lord and savior and must be obeyed even before your parents.
Needless to say, this is the exact thing I specifically asked my entire family not to do.
AITJ for telling my Mom she’s no longer welcome around my child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her specific instructions on how to behave around your child and she declined to follow your advice. This is what annoys me about religious people. They never want people to figure things out themselves and learn a religion that they like and suits them.
All they do is try to push it on people from a very young age and scare them into believing it otherwise they are going to a bad place. If she is going to disrespect your rules, then she won’t see her grandchild.” Fun-Two-1414
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It took years before my MIL, who dedicates her life to her religious beliefs, figured out I was serious and she was wasting her money sending anything with religious content to my kids (luckily she lives across the country) because I would just trash it.
The time she was visiting and I found her speaking in tongues at my upset 3-year-old was the last straw, because I lost my cool, and she finally stopped trying to push it. She hasn’t visited since, which is awesome. I don’t mind when my mom speaks about her beliefs though, because she doesn’t like organized religion or read the bible, she is just friends with Canon Jesus, thinks we should treat everyone with kindness, and has always made it clear those are her beliefs and that everyone is different and that’s okay.
There is a way to be respectful of others and still be true to your own belief system.” NancyNuggets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she was speaking about Jesus and then said ‘but you can decide when you’re older’ I’d give her a pass but inform her I wasn’t keen and please try not to.
But she literally took your hard boundary and said forget it, I’m doing what I want. Time out until she understands the seriousness of the disrespect she has shown you not only as her daughter, but as a parent. ‘You must obey the Lord before your parents’ is not something I would want taught to my child.
It’s not her call, it’s yours.” HunterDangerous1366
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On An All-Expense Paid Trip With My In-Laws?
“My husband (29m) and I (29f) were raised in very different home environments.
My parents are from a country where respectful communication is an integral part of their culture. We never yelled at home and we never interrupted each other when talking. My husband’s home environment was very chaotic and his parents’ house still is very chaotic. His family yells, they interrupt each other, and they overshare.
They also are not the most considerate people. I love my in-laws but I don’t always like them.
Every other year my in-laws pay for a family trip. They cover everything except souvenirs. My mother-in-law is getting ready to book everything for the family trip next year, but I don’t want to go.
I have a miserable time every time because I get overwhelmed by the noise, arguing, and there constantly being one thing after another. For example, my teenage SIL would always take her time getting ready so we were always late to things which led to a lot of arguing and snarky remarks.
We were in a cabin in the middle of the woods so the entire time my husband’s siblings and their spouses complained that there was no Wi-Fi. His 2 teenage sisters constantly argued and even got into a screaming match at 2 am.
I didn’t want to hurt my MIL’s feelings so I told her I couldn’t go because of work and school.
She made me feel guilty and is upset that I won’t “accept this gift” which is the family trip.
So WIBTJ if I didn’t go on an all-expense paid trip with my in-laws?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not obligated to do anything, even if it’s just going to the mall with some friends.
So doing something much larger than that (a multi-day trip where you’ll barely have time to collect yourself) is definitely your choice. If you can’t handle screaming/yelling, then you don’t have to go! I hope it works out well for you OP. Try to talk to MIL if she continues to bother her about it, and make sure she understands and respects your boundaries.” Your_favorite_author
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are never obligated to accept a gift with strings. I long ago learned to turn down ANY offer of travel that had me/my immediate family sharing accommodations with others. No, I won’t share a hotel room with a friend, coworker, or extended family member.
I need my downtime. My immediate family understands that. Also, a “free” trip probably does cost you something: Paid time off from work, costs for a petsitter, transportation costs (gas, tolls, parking at the airport…), incidentals (food for travel days, little extras you don’t plan for but end up getting expected to pay…).
A “free” trip could be costing you hundreds of, or even over a thousand, dollars each time.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stick to your story, you can’t go due to work and school. Next year, schedule an operation. The year after, volunteer for a medical test. The following year do a Buddhist retreat.
For year five, arrange your own kidnapping as a 5-year anniversary present. Year six, claim you are in therapy after being eaten by a dinosaur and regurgitated. Year seven, work again. Year eight, a date with Tom Hanks – platonic. If it goes more than 8 years, you may have to fake your death.
Or, you can simply tell them you are an introvert and need lots of quiet time. You are glad to spend time with them one-on-one, but a large group of people on a vacation is something you really can’t stand. If that fails, back to being thrown up by dinosaurs.” Internal_Set_6564
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Memorial Day Trip That Was Supposed To Be For My Birthday?
“A few months ago, my husband asked if I wanted to go on a trip for Memorial Day Weekend or stay home.
My birthday is over Memorial Day, and I said of course I’d want to go.
We have two kids – an 8-year-old and an 8-month-old – so it’s pretty difficult going anywhere… but having a baby, it would be nice to do something because I’m excluded from everything.
Well, a few weeks after that I overheard that one of his coworkers got our room… and I thought it was weird so I asked why? Well, it turns out his coworker and wife will be going. Then we were eating breakfast with his family and I found out his dad was going too… and he was trying to get my MIL to go.
Now it totally makes sense why he would ask if I’d want to go … I think he actually forgot about my birthday in the first place. Now he is making it seem like it’s my birthday weekend trip but doing everything his dad wants to do.
I told him I don’t really want to go anymore:
- My FIL would be sharing a room with us. I’m breastfeeding so now have to go to the hotel bathroom to nurse every time my baby wakes up in the middle of the night
- The trip revolves around things I’m absolutely not interested in.
- Traveling with a baby is so tiring and chances are I won’t be able to see much without constantly stopping to feed or change the baby.
He basically said that I’m going and if ‘I wanted to do something to plan it rather than just pushing out air.’ Absolutely disrespectful.
I’m thinking he just wants to save face in front of his coworker, but this is going to be a miserable birthday if I go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you do decide not to go tell him to go with the 8 yr old and you stay home with the baby.
Although that is in no way a birthday present for you, at least you will have two fewer people to take care of for a few days. (Your husband can save face with his coworker and family by saying the baby isn’t feeling well the week before.) But, your husband should realize he did not consider your feelings or wants at all and definitely did not plan this as a gift for you.
However, time with friends and family on trips does bring memories to cherish forever, and losing a chance at memories is sad. But sharing a room with ANYONE when you are caring for an infant and breastfeeding….. he’s an idiot for thinking that would be ok.” Neither_Literature89
Another User Comments:
“Your reasons as to why you think you might be the jerk are so worrying and frustrating – “making him look bad”. These are his own actions, and if he’s being selfish and inconsiderate, only he is to blame. Why do you think this is on you?
Plus, he is awful for forgetting your birthday. Apparently, he cares more about what this coworker thinks than you. And FIL sharing a room – wtf?! Very dodgy at any time, but whilst you’re breastfeeding. Ffs. NTJ. Tell him to shove his trip.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“Info: Does co-worker have kids? NTJ – For not wanting to go on a trip where a bunch of people are having fun while you care for and entertain a baby. If the coworker has a young kiddo too it might be tolerable for you as you could maybe make a new friend with whichever (coworker or his wife) is caring for their little one.
But sharing a room with FIL? That’s a nope. How big a room is this to fit your family of four and Grandpa? Not to mention all the stuff babies require (diapers, toys, extra clothes, etc). If you are the only one with kids you know you’ll be the one doing all the parenting because your hubby will be entertaining his dad.
Unless his parents are the helpful kind but sounds like not since he thinks it’s OK to not give you guys privacy on a vacation. I like someone else’s suggestion. Bow out with a believable excuse either keeping the baby with you or sending enough pumped milk for the weekend.
Then do something you love or just relax and enjoy a peaceful weekend to yourself. If husband balks at the idea of him alone with the kids remind him that his dad will be right there in the room to help.” Sweetsmyle
9. AITJ For Attending My Sister's Wedding Despite My Wife's Objections?
“I (35M) have a daughter (4F) with my wife “Ally” (36F). Ally and I met online and started seeing each other after a few months.
I proposed to her during our 2-year anniversary dinner. We had our wedding and bought a house in a neighborhood. I work in construction and Ally works from home.
I have noticed that she has been gaining a lot of weight. Almost to the point where all of her clothes don’t fit her anymore.
Everyone is concerned about her weight, especially me. I did have a long talk with her and she told me that a lot of her subscribers liked her size. She won’t touch any of the food that I make as it makes her sick. Due to the weight, she doesn’t spend a lot of time with our daughter or with her friends and family.
My sister (37F) got married last weekend. Ally didn’t want to go because she was worried about people judging her. She didn’t want me to go as she needed my help with her work. Our daughter was the flower girl and super excited for the wedding.
The day of the wedding, Ally wouldn’t speak to me and spent the entire day in her room. My sister was upset that she didn’t attend. When we got home, Ally started screaming at me for going to the wedding. She only speaks to me when she wants food.
Her parents think that I shouldn’t have left her alone in case something happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, it’s your sister’s wedding. If your wife doesn’t want to attend then it’s to her detriment. This part however worries me: “I did have a long talk with her and she told me that a lot of her subscribers liked her size.” I’m assuming your wife working from home either means she has a YouTube channel or another type of social media platform.
Either way, your wife might be purposely gaining weight to appease subscribers. The following is very telling: “She won’t touch any of the food that I make as it makes her sick.” I’m going to assume you make healthy meals and she’s purposely eating unhealthy foods.
Or she’s over-eating before you cook which makes her sick. “She only speaks to me when she wants food.” She only sees you as someone who can give her food. OP your wife is choosing strangers on the internet over you and your daughter. But expects you to still cater to her and provide emotional support to the detriment of your relationship with your family.
People want to see your wife, they aren’t judging her. They are worried about her, not because of the weight but because she has become holed up and isolated. Get her some professional help. It’s one thing to gain weight after having a kid. It’s another thing to expect people to miss major events because of that.” starvinartist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your wife may be having some kind of serious mental health crisis if she’s skipping a family wedding due to weight gain and having a meltdown because you went to your sister’s wedding, giving you the silent treatment and such.
Something is definitely going on. I understand why your sister was upset, but I feel like your wife is unwell or something. This isn’t healthy or normal behavior.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your wife said that her subscribers love her weight and wouldn’t change, then says she doesn’t want to go to the wedding because of people judging her appearance, doesn’t want you to go for nonsense excuses and because you did go (your sister’s wedding) she was upset/screamed at you and now doesn’t speak to you except for food!
She needs help quickly because her actions are weird and attacking/shouting you out like that is not a healthy way for good communication! She is the one hurting everybody with some frustration/pain.” Mountain_Somewhere78
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Unexpected Inheritance To My Disabled Mother?
“My father passed away a couple of weeks ago. My mother Diane (59) is disabled because of a stroke she had 18 years ago. The year after she had the stroke my dad Daniel (61) set up his will and finances accordingly.
Now the issue. There was one account that was meant for my mother’s care and one account meant to be split up between me (29), my twin Reba (29), and our big sister Rochelle (35).
Rochelle is an accountant and my father has been telling her since she was 18 that she would be in charge of my mother’s finances after he passes. Rochelle was convinced that my father’s life insurance was going to go to the account for my mother’s care.
It would almost double it. However, she was wrong. The policy ended up going into the account that will be split up 3 ways. This will take my inheritance from 25 thousand to 90 thousand.
I am currently pregnant with my first child and this will let me put a downpayment on a house and pay off all of my debt.
It will also let my twin go to grad school. My mother’s account will have enough money in it to cover her for almost 25 years before she includes the sale of her house and land which would be at least another 25 years. She is moving into an assisted living space and will have government assistance on top of this account.
My sister Rochelle says my twin and I are jerks because we refuse to sign over the extra inheritance to my mother and says we are stealing from her because this was not what my dad wanted and he obviously put the policy into the wrong account.
So AITJ for keeping the money?”
Another User Comments:
“Your question seems to be not if your father meant for you to have the money but rather if he did but it came to you accidentally would you be the jerk if you kept it since your mom has enough to live on…given that premise I would say yes…YTJ.
It was his money, not yours. If he did mean for it to go to Mom then whether or not legally it’s yours shouldn’t matter when looking at jerk or no jerks here. I also seriously question whether or not Mom is as well off as you posit.
Based on the life insurance doubling the account she only has 200k in the account…maybe less. We don’t know where you live but given that 90k is only enough for debt and a house down payment I’m guessing somewhere expensive to live.
How is mom supposed to live for 25 years on 200k…that’s 8k a year. Sure she may have some govt funds coming in, but 8k a year does not seem near enough for her to live on…at all. Even if it’s enough to scrape by, will she get any enjoyment out of life at that rate?
You say your dad specifically changed everything to be sure your mom was provided for. The question you need to ask yourself is would he be happy with her having 8k a year to live on…do you believe this was his wish? If not, can you live with taking that money knowing it’s not what he wanted?” Tomatopirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My immediate thought was that your sister has control of your mother’s money and if that money is signed over to her then she has the power to give it to herself. The fact that your dad already had money put aside for your mothers care and the house sale on top of that would mean that is plenty of money to take care of your mother.
Your dad sounds like he knew what he was doing when he set everything up and wouldn’t have made a mistake like this. I would be concerned about your mothers financial stability in the future.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, is your sister the executor of the estate and for the trust for your mom, does she get to give herself a fee?
It’s possible your sister is trying to milk you and your twin so she gets more money. Maybe your sister is a good honest person…but money totally changes people and inheritance can bring out the worst in family members. Your dad set things up the way he wanted to, probably with a lawyer.
Take your money, start your family and remind your sister that your dad gave her control of your mom’s money. Not yours.” Aligirl520
7. AITJ For Reporting My Sister-In-Law's Fake Pregnancy To Avoid Being Laid Off?
“I was hired into a dept of a large company. I met this girl who at first seemed very friendly. After some time she set me up with her brother and we eventually married. At some point, we were put on the same team and that’s where the issues started. I have always been a top performer in my job.
She, not so much. Unfortunately, she looks like a kewpie doll and people fall for whatever she says. She started spreading rumors about me behind my back about how mean I am to her, etc. I had no idea. People start treating me differently and I’m confused. The reason she does this is that I am better at our job than she is.
Fast forward, rumors start flying about impending layoffs. All of a sudden I start getting a weird vibe at work. After many weeks, someone finally told me that my sister-in-law is telling everyone she is pregnant but has told them all not to talk to me about it.
This is so she cannot get laid off. My husband’s family is old school Italian and everyone knows EVERYTHING that is going on. I found it strange that no one had mentioned she was pregnant. I mention it to my husband who is surprised and he calls his family.
They are surprised and confused. Had no idea she was pregnant.
They call her on it. Turns out she is not pregnant and had invented this story to avoid being laid off. I’m mad as heck and I immediately go to my boss and let her know.
In the end, she was let go and I was not. My husband’s family blamed me for telling management about her lie. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You as a family member were concerned about your sister-in-law and wanted to get the facts.
You then relayed the same said facts to your employer. You acted rashly but not entirely factually incorrectly. She played games and got stupid prizes.” pinguthegreek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, when doing layoffs, letting go of a pregnant person is allowed, as long as they were not let go because of the pregnancy.
If she had lower scores on reviews, had been there less long, etc, all good reasons to let someone go who happens to be pregnant when numerous people are being let go.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She tried her best to screw you over.
All you did was tell the truth. Her family will side with her because that’s her family. I’m sure they all know she’s a loser but they can’t bring themselves to admit that so they blame you instead.” disruptionisbliss
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel With My High-Maintenance Best Friend Anymore?
“I (23F) have been best friends with Amanda (22F) since we were in 3rd grade. I love her very much, and she’s like a sister to me, but I can’t stand traveling with her anymore. Our families are close, and we like to travel a lot, whether it be together, or if one of our families invites me or Amanda along on a trip.
Amanda’s always liked the nicer things and has been more high-maintenance than me, but I’ve learned to tolerate it.
This was a big family trip to Disney World with 18 people total. My parents paid for the whole thing. Out of kindness, we invited Amanda to go with us, all expenses paid.
3 days before, I had a horseback riding accident that left me with a big wound on my knee, so I would need to be in a wheelchair for the entirety of the trip since I couldn’t walk on it without being in pain or discomfort.
So we flew out and the first days were fine, but she kept insisting on pushing my wheelchair. I wanted to be near my family for the trip to spend time with them. She wouldn’t listen and took us to separate areas of the theme park.
My anxiety was at a high level most of the time because it was very crowded and loud, and because I was in a wheelchair, I couldn’t see over them. I just wanted to be pushed by anyone else. It was our last day at this point so it didn’t matter anymore.
After a long, hot, and muggy day, the rest of my family except for Amanda and I were heading back to the resort. We stayed to use our last fast pass. My mom specifically asked Amanda if she was okay with pushing me back to the hotel – she said yes.
Disney World is huge, and it was probably a 10-minute walk out of the theme park. The bus took 20 minutes to get to the resort, and then it was another 10-minute walk to get to the hotel room.
When we got off the bus, she told me blankly, “I’m too hot and sweaty.
I think you can walk yourself back to the room.” Not wanting to argue with her, I nodded and stood up and had to push my wheelchair all the way back. By the time we got to the room, I flopped on the bed in pain and started to cry from the pain.
I shook it off, and the next day we were getting ready to leave. She packed her bag, and said “I’m going down for breakfast, meet you guys there.” I feel like it was indecent of her to not even bring down her own baggage and not offer to pick up breakfast for anyone else while we had to clean up the hotel room.
I’ve learned to let go of the grudge I had against her from this trip, but she’s been talking about going on a trip together again and I fear she’s just going to be high-maintenance and rude again. I understand I’m not injured anymore, but she can be pretty insensitive and annoying from other trips I’ve taken with her.
I don’t know how to tell her that I just don’t enjoy traveling with her anymore.
WIBTJ for admitting this?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. She honestly doesn’t sound like a good friend and I would never go on a trip with someone like her.
She completely disregarded your needs for her wants, she didn’t take your opinion into account when she decided to drag you around when you didn’t want to and she had zero empathy for you while you were injured. How is she even a friend?” tuttkraftverk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s a hard conversation to have but either way you have to tell her you don’t want to travel with her. I would tell her no I’m not feeling it, and not elaborate further unless she asks for more details.
If she asks for more details you can try telling her that you don’t feel respected when you two travel together and hopefully she won’t try to press for more details. Honestly, if she tries to push the conversation further, depending on how comfortable you feel you can try elaborating more or just refuse to talk to her.
I can’t predict how she will react but hopefully, this would let her down and the conversation won’t be too taxing for you I also would just stop being friends with her” ninja542
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk, but I suggest a different approach.
Instead of dwelling on something that happened two years ago and will definitely result in conflict if you bring it up now (NTJ doesn’t mean no hurt feelings) just make traveling without your friend the new normal. You’re not kids anymore. Life has obviously been on hold for two years, and by now you are definitely old enough to enter a new stage in your life.
This is a perfectly natural time for this habit of traveling together to change. After all, people travel without their friends all the time. Just don’t invite her on your trips and say ‘no thank you’ if she invites you. (Frankly, from the way you describe her behavior on your last trip she doesn’t sound like a good friend.
But if you do want to continue the friendship, just not the traveling together, this is how I would go about it.)” Signal-Television510
5. AITJ For Refusing To Be Treated Like A Housewife By My Roommate?
“I (22M) have been living with my roommate, we’ll call him Jesus (23M) for about a year now. We met while working together at Home Depot and hit it off so well that we decided to move in together. I’m gay, and Jesus is straight, and we’ve always had a great friendship.
I’m naturally a tidier person, so I usually end up doing most of the cleaning around the house.
Since I get home from work earlier than Jesus, I sometimes cook extra for him, but I never thought much of it. However, things have taken a turn lately.
Jesus has started to expect me to always have the house clean and a hot meal ready for him when he gets home. When I don’t, he gets angry and starts acting like it’s my job. I shrugged it off at first, thinking he was just having a bad day, but it kept happening.
Things came to a head last weekend. Jesus recently got a partner, and we were all hanging out – me, my partner, and Jesus’s partner. When Jesus came home from work that night and saw that there were a couple of dirty dishes in the sink and the house wasn’t entirely clean.
He went ballistic. Jesus yelled at me “Why isn’t the house clean? And why you ain’t cook nothing?” I was taken aback. I told him “We’re all just hanging out, and there are only a few dishes. You’ve got two hands, use them if you care so much.” He got even angrier and said “It’s not my job to clean up your mess.
You’re home all day, you should’ve done it.” I snapped and told him “First off, I’m not home all day. I work too. Secondly, You’ve got a partner now, ask her to cook for you?” Jesus’s partner looked embarrassed, and my partner was visibly uncomfortable.
After that, I said “I’m not your housewife, Jesus. And I’m not going to let any man that I’m not with treat me like one. You’re a grown man do your own chores.”
We argued for over 10 minutes, and Jesus kept insisting that since I’m the one who’s usually home first, it’s my responsibility to keep the place clean and cook.
I told him he’s being stupid and that this arrangement isn’t working if he’s going to treat me like his personal maid. So, AITJ for going off on my roommate for trying to treat me like a housewife?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way possible.
I also an openly gay man, had a friend that I had to cut contact with because it was a similar situation, we weren’t roommates, but he would treat me like a housewife situation when I’d stay over at his place and it got to the point where I left a shopping aisle while on a phone call and he came to the other aisle visibly angry and started screaming at me to not leave him alone in random aisles, that was a big yikes for me and I pulled the plug on that friendship very fast. Honestly, it’s ultimately your decision what you choose to do but for your own mental health and well-being I don’t think this living situation is helping you in any way.
It’s not your job to be making his meals or cleaning the house, and I stand by your “if I’m not with you, you don’t get to treat me like that” because same! Hopefully, you both can have a conversation and it is able to remain calm and collected, but personally, I think you’re better off maybe looking for a different living arrangement or vice versa and having him do that, it seems like it’s only gonna escalate from there and that’s not fair to you.” SeparatePrior8189
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here barring your respective partners. Jesus a huge one for obvious reasons, it is appalling to want another person to clean after you. You a huge one for assuming that it is his partner, not himself, that should be doing it.
I was fully with you until you said that. You were right to tell off Jesus for his appalling entitlement, but terribly wrong by countering with such a misogynistic nonsense.” Prangelina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your roommate is. He saw that you were willing to be nice to him and share food, etc, and he took advantage of you and is upset you are now realizing it.
He is an adult who apparently can’t take care of himself. He is not entitled to your time, your food, or your effort for a home when he is not doing his part. You were compatible when you did all the nice things for him, but now he’s mad, I would look into your lease contract and get out of the situation ASAP.
Whether it is not renewing or kicking him out, whatever you have to do, his friendship was conditional to what you did for him and that is no longer your friend. Also, you are a lovely human for saying it in front of the partner, and I don’t mean that sarcastically.
You probably helped her dodge a bullet.” Bewitched_Nerd510
4. AITJ For Backing Out Of Driving A Guy To Prom?
“I’m 17 and had prom last weekend, of course I was stressing over it. A week before someone asked for a ride to prom.
I didn’t mind taking him, but I was going to be driving on a busy beltway that I’ve never been on, and he can be kind of annoying. I ended up telling him I’d ask my parents and get back to him. Later he said his mom wanted to call my mom to “explain the situation” and that’s when I started to get a little annoyed. Like, what more does she need to explain?
I just said I’ll take him and I gave him my mom’s number.
Two days before prom. I asked him if he was sure he didn’t have anyone else who could take him. I told him how nervous I was and how stressed I was getting and asked if he could double-check.
I told him I’ll take him if there was for sure no other option. He said “I have no one else” so I said, “okay sorry I will still be taking you then.” I remembered I made plans to go out with my friends after prom so I told him I genuinely could not take him home (because he wasn’t invited to this) and he said “Yeah I can get a ride after.”
My nerves are so high about this because I’m already a pretty anxious person but not too long ago I got into my first car accident. I had a friend in the car and I felt so terrible even though they assured me they were not hurt at all (the accident really wasn’t bad) After that I hadn’t brought any of my friends into my car.
But I know I can drive with people in the car again, I was just nervous to.
The next day I mentally prepared myself to be driving this guy an hour to prom. I went to school and during the last period my friend texted me and said “This dude is talking about you to a teacher.” She told me he was saying things like “It’s ridiculous that she can’t take me home.” “It’s annoying how last minute she’s saying she can’t take me even though she already agreed to it.” “When I asked for a ride to prom it’s insinuating that I’m gonna need a ride back home.”
These comments made me mad. They were disrespectful and I was hurt. I was still going to give him a ride, I just wanted to make sure if there was anyone better to ask. But knowing that he was complaining about me behind my back was really hurtful.
I feel like this situation didn’t need to be shared with TEACHERS (also, I have that same teacher!) So I went home and told my mom all of this. She told his mom that he needs to find another ride because she was uncomfortable with me taking him.
I told my friends I no longer had to take him and one of them was angry and said “He literally doesn’t have any other ride, I don’t understand why you aren’t taking him,” and “You’re going to make him spend all that money for an uber!” Dude still made it to prom and I refused to talk to him, but still, I know people think I’m a jerk for not taking him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friends are mad because, unlike us strangers, know most of what you wrote above are excuses. And if I’m wrong about that, why did you wait a week to then let him down? Why did you have your mom do it?
The fact that he had his mom still call your mother (despite your scoffing at it) suggests that this is a decent kid – gave parents the opportunity to know who their kid would be with, ask questions, etc. Also, you disappointed him in a major way but chose to ignore him at the event, like you were the one wronged. Why?
Is he wrong for feeling let down? What reaction did you want from him? Because there is not a person who would have this happen to them in this manner and not feel panicked and hurt. It’s prom! It seemed like everyone went and looked out for each other in getting to and fro, hence why your friends are upset.
Also why he got there, last minute, even without you. Is it possible that the teacher asked the young man why he was distressed and he told him? YTJ. Because otherwise who is? Him for believing you? Even before the convo with the teacher, you were already not interested in giving him the ride.
Use your words!” MogulMade
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ. You back-peddled too much. I understand the anxiety thing. I have anxiety as well. But, you kept giving him hope. And, the messenger who reported what he allegedly said and probably hadn’t said was being messy.
When you originally said you’d talk it over with your parents, you should have stayed with that. After your initial conversation, you became “wishy-washy”. You didn’t communicate with him well and let him know you had issues. You didn’t give him the opportunity to back out on his own.
Next time, just say “no” and have no other back-and-forth discussions. You said he was obnoxious, so “no” would have been the appropriate response if you were so annoyed. He’d find another ride and you’d save yourself five days of stress.” tigressRoar
Another User Comments:
“I think that both of you are not necessarily jerks, but more immature people. You obviously don’t like the guy, because in your words, “He’s annoying.” So you should have been able to flat-out tell him “NO, I’m sorry, I can’t take you.” Don’t make excuses, don’t give excuses.
He on the other hand should not have pressured you into giving him a ride. But in my opinion, you’re a bit more to blame for what happened, because you let him believe you were going to take him to the prom, then you tell him you can’t give him a ride home (obviously no problem on your part telling him that) then because someone tells you he’s talking to the teacher about how you behaved, without verifying what was said to the teacher, you just took this person’s word for what was said.
But even if it was said, you should’ve then gone to the guy and said “I heard you were complaining/talking to the teacher about me, and not in a good way, so I’m sorry, I can’t take you.” Instead of complaining to Mom and having her handle it.
If you’re responsible enough to drive, you are responsible enough to handle situations that come up. You could’ve asked for advice from your mom on how to handle it but then discussed it with the guy, you really didn’t want to give a ride to in the first place.” GoldenDragonQueen259
3. AITJ For Demanding To Use My Brother's Stuff Because My Parents Won't Buy Me Any?
“I (F15) have a brother (M16).
My parents always buy him stuff (computer, tablet, violin, etc) but when I ask them for the same stuff they always answer with “we’ll buy you the same thing next year when you turn the same age” or “we can’t afford 2 right now so we’ll buy you one later” but they never do.
Last night I had to do a school project but because I didn’t have a computer I couldn’t. I usually borrow someone’s (a family member like a cousin) laptop for this stuff but this time everyone needed theirs so no one would give me anything.
I got so angry and frustrated that I started yelling at them telling them if they don’t let me share his stuff I’m gonna break his computer (I’m not gonna do it though (probably)).
My parents think I’m being irrational and a jerk because “this is HIS stuff if he doesn’t want to share with you then he doesn’t have to.” I think they are the jerks because if they can’t buy 2 of the same thing then they should buy one for both of us not just for him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you are not entitled to your brother’s things, your parents are the jerks for showing blatant favoritism towards one kid. I’m not sure if you live in a patriarchal society or if your parents are just abusive narcissists who made you the black sheep of the family, but I would get a job and make plans to move out at 18 and go no/low contact if I were you.
When you get a chance, you can talk to a therapist or a counselor. It is not fair to neglect one kid over the other. Your parents clearly have no intention of supporting you or your future/interests. Kids today need access to a computer to complete assignments and learn skills like Microsoft and Excel in order to get many jobs.
I would directly ask your parents about their favoritism and tell them that you need your own laptop for school work.” Nyankitty666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m going to advise you to, as best and objectively as you can, take a careful inventory of how your parents spend their money between the two of you.
Do you have expensive extracurriculars like dance or a travel sport that he doesn’t have? Think through this and see if you can ID some rational reason that they seem to buy him possessions that they don’t for you. If you feel up to it, plan a family meeting when you’re calm and rational and lay out what you see as the problem (don’t make it purely about $$, but rather about opportunity and academic performance).
Practice this with a close friend before you do it so you don’t get mad and blow the whole thing up by threatening to break his stuff. If you’ve done all of this, and your parents can’t account for their actions and you cannot ID any reason for the disparity, first, I’m truly sorry but they have a favorite child and you’re not it.
Second, start RIGHT NOW planning to move out when you’re 18 and fending for yourself. I can see this scenario playing out with college/trade school tuition money as well.” so_tired_now
Another User Comments:
“Threatening to break stuff isn’t great, but I get where your frustration comes from, “waiting patiently didn’t work, let’s try amping it up.” Not a fair situation, maybe apologize (I know that will feel like eating dirt, but it’ll show maturity,) and explain that you feel you need your own computer for schoolwork or would like to at least be guaranteed access when you have a project (even if you waited until the last minute…which I don’t know that you did, but I almost always did.) You’re NTJ, and good luck with navigating this, it’s not fair, but that’s family.” buck_godot
2. AITJ For Accidentally Sharing My Colleague's Pregnancy News At Work?
“I work for a small company, about 35 people, and I go into the office once or twice a month along with a few of us who are remote. I work with a nice colleague, his name is Brian who wasn’t in this week. I was super excited to go to the office this week because, after a year of miscarriages, I’m finally pregnant!
I’m about 14 weeks so I wanted to tell work and also some friends in my office who have known about my struggles.
Yesterday I shared my news (via email) to HR and people were so nice to me and they came over to congratulate me, in person.
We were chatting and I mentioned “oh and Brian will be gone this fall too with his news!” And they looked baffled and I said “oh I thought he mentioned it because he posted on Instagram he’s expecting.” Brian and his wife posted their news about a month ago on Instagram (professional expecting photos in front of their new beautiful home).
I liked the post and was super excited for him. I believe it’s their first and it looked very exciting! I didn’t realize it wasn’t news to work, and his wife seems pretty far along, at least 6+ months, and further than me.
After I said that, another coworker, Penny, reached out to him to congratulate him. Brian slacked me saying he didn’t want to tell work until next month and he’s blocked me on his socials. I apologized profusely and feel terrible. I thought because the announcement was on social media other people from work knew and he told work.
AITJ for sharing news that was on social media, where others from work follow? Or was I the jerk for sharing news that wasn’t mine? I feel terrible and wish I never did. I also apologized when he confronted me via Slack.”
Another User Comments:
“The problem here is you realized that these coworkers weren’t aware and you still told them. When they asked what you were talking about, you could have just said something like “oh, I must be mistaken. Disregard that. As I was saying ….” When someone doesn’t know certain information, there’s usually a good reason why.
I don’t think you had bad intentions so my vote is no jerks here. In the future, refrain from sharing someone else’s news, even if it’s on social media.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“Eh, it was a mistake to mention it but unless you and Brian had some previous conversation about work/friendship boundaries when you friended him on IG I wouldn’t go so far as to call you the jerk for it, and I think Brian’s reaction was a little over the top.
When something is on your social media, it’s not unreasonable for people to assume it’s public. If you friend coworkers on social media, you have to be aware that you’ve got crossover between those worlds. Obviously, he had different expectations than you did about what he shares where, but it seems like a legitimate misunderstanding.
Personally, I keep my socials private and I don’t friend coworkers for exactly this reason – I don’t want to have to worry about it.” mewley
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It isn’t your news, it isn’t your business. I’m sure he only added coworkers on social media that he thought could keep his secret.
You taught him a lesson, unfortunately. And it seems like you’re only looking at this news from an excited perspective- the more common perspective is that if the news gets out too early, employers can easily find ways to fire or pass on promoting expecting employees without connecting it to the pregnancy (which would be illegal).
They don’t want to lose someone for parental leave and they don’t want to pay out on it (even if they say paid parental leave is a benefit). I would caution you to be very good at your job for the duration of your pregnancy- you told them early, and now they can find reasons to fire you or pass over you for promotion.” Weary_Appearance
1. AITJ For Refusing To Reconcile With My Stepdaughter Without An Apology?
“My husband hasn’t seen his daughter “Ava” in ten years. She chose to go no contact after years of a very strained relationship. Ava had a lot of behavioral challenges growing up and trouble with emotional regulation, which led to her treating me and my daughter awfully.
The last time I saw her was her 18th birthday. I bought her the wrong flavor cake and she began screaming at me. Her dad tried to convince her to eat it, and she ended up throwing the cake across the room, running out of the house, and we never saw her again.
She even sent friends to pack her belongings.
It was a very degrading experience for me, having to clean the cake, and it just brought up all the resentment I had about her spoiled/entitled behavior over the years. My husband recently ran into Ava, who is now married and has a child, and my husband wants to reconcile.
I told him I’m fine with that, but I don’t want to see her unless she apologizes.
My husband talked to her and Ava said she isn’t apologizing, because we “made her” throw the cake. My husband didn’t accept her verbal no and was trying to “coerce and guilt her” into putting something disgusting in her mouth.
She also said I’m petty because she was barely 18 and after a 10-year estrangement how is an apology my priority?
I told my husband he is free to do whatever he would like, but she won’t be in my house and I won’t see her until she apologizes.
My husband is now upset and says I’m harming the relationship, I’m selfish, and he thinks I should just suck it up.”
Another User Comments:
“The only person I’m 100% confident is the jerk here is your husband. Stepdaughter clearly needed psychological intervention that he chalked up to “annoying feminine troubles.” He failed her.
He did not protect you or your daughter from repeated verbal attacks, and as you said in a comment, made you deal with the emotional labor. He failed you. You say he’s a good partner who treats you well. It sounds like he is about as useful and emotionally intelligent as a checkbook.
Basically, you don’t have a stepdaughter problem. You have a husband problem.” IndigoBlueBird
Another User Comments:
“First OP says that Ava “had a lot of behavioral challenges growing up” and “trouble with emotional regulation”, and then OP changes that to “spoiled/entitled behavior over the years” in the next paragraph.
Which is it, OP? Is your daughter struggling with mental illness symptoms, or is she spoiled & entitled? I’d also like to add that these issues that OP has with Ava took place from when Ava was 10 through 18. I don’t know about anyone else, but I was dealing with my dysfunctional family unit and also puberty at the same time during those ages, and I’ve had my emotional meltdowns over small things as well.
My mom also blamed me for having them, instead of being sympathetic, which is how OP sounds to me. Neurotypical people and/or people without mental illness typically do not have major issues with emotional regulation or their behavior, as you are saying that Ava does.
I know a lot of people are wary of commenting a judgment because of lack of info, but you sound a lot like my mom, OP, and I’m happy to say YTJ. Ava was a child to care for and you call her emotional dysregulation & behavioral issues “spoiled and entitled”?
I’d go NC with you too, and Dad if he took your side.” _harpurr
Another User Comments:
“A summary of OP’s comments that should absolutely raise a red flag about this post: Her husband stated himself that he believes tantrums from women are mild annoyances (a misogynistic and ableist take).
OP says she agrees with him or else he wouldn’t be fathering her own daughter. (Yikes!) Ava was filmed during meltdowns and told about how she looked, which is where her comments about being prettier even came from. They were a defense mechanism. OP is framing it as if these comments came out of nowhere instead of her own doing by filming during Ava’s mental health meltdowns.
(Just by reading OP’s comments, neurodivergency, CPTSD, and other possible mental health issues in Ava that affect her physically are very noticeable.) OP is holding a specific event over Ava’s head (the wedding when Ava was 10). She has brought this up repeatedly in the comments and it appears OP is still bitter and angry about the event.
Considering OP is very much an adult, she should have not only been prepared to help with Ava in kindness and compassion, but be forgiving during moments like these in which Ava saw the world she grew up in collapse.
Another yellow flag: OP has never mentioned her age or her husband’s.
I’m going to assume there is an age gap here and that likely made things worse. If OP was in her early 20s when they got married and had never properly met Ava, yeah, no way is that going to fly properly. It appears there is a lotttt of problems and a lack of info in this post. I’m going to withhold my judgment, but I think there’s a lot of missing info that makes this post fishy at best and concealing the truth at worst.” [deleted]
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!