People Are Bitter In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My FIL Videotape Me On A Family Trip?
“My (41F) in-laws invited their kids and families on a beach trip. They have two married sons. My sister-in-law (SIL) and I have a strained relationship with our mother-in-law (MIL) because she lectures us on how to parent and be good wives. Their sons don’t talk to her about it because they don’t like to get in the middle.
The first night at dinner, my father-in-law (FIL) pops up with his video camera taping everyone as they ate. I do not like to be filmed or photographed while eating due to an ongoing eating disorder that they know about. I yelled “absolutely not!” and left the area.
My MIL, in a snotty way, asked the room if there were any other rules we needed to go over for the trip. It kind of blew over that night with my SIL joking about needing to sign a waiver.
The next morning we’re sitting on the deck in our pajamas enjoying coffee when my FIL again comes out with the camera.
I told him to stop and then my MIL snapped about having to walk around eggshells around me due to my mental health “issues” and if I didn’t want to be here then leave. This was in front of my child. I was devastated and embarrassed. My husband spoke up and said we would leave if they wanted but to not talk to me that way.
It was super awkward the rest of the trip and let’s just say I doubt there will be another trip, at least with me.
So, AITJ here for making a big deal about the video camera?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is, your inlaws are and your brother-in-law (BIL) is too.
Your husband and his brother are the two people invested in maintaining the peace between you and your SIL and their parents. I told my husband when he wanted to not be in the middle that I have no desire to put his mom or dad’s happiness above my own so if he was abdicating the responsibility of managing their nonsense, I wouldn’t hold back either and we can see who achieves their goal first. I absolutely hate my FIL’s insistence on filming and videoing meals.
It’s really awkward. We have done everything to get him to stop. He wants candid eating shots, so we can’t pose and wait for him to stop, he wants us to eat and chat while he mills around taking the pictures or video. No one has ever seen the results, he doesn’t share, it’s like we’re all just going to get hours of holiday dinner videos and collages when he passes away?
No idea.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people have boundaries when it comes to being photographed or filmed. You made it clear and they chose to disrespect you. Why would you even want to go on another trip where they are going to harass you with a camera knowing you can’t stand being recorded?
My advice to you is to not take yourself or your child around the toxic in-laws anymore. It’s completely healthy to cut off toxic boundary-crossing family members who won’t respect you.” depressivedarling
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, you’re a snotty jerk and they are jerks.
You’re probably right, you won’t be invited back. Believe it or not, home videos used to be a thing. There was even an entire show built around it. Some people, especially older people like videos so they can see and hear loved ones.
Inviting family on a trip and being able to capture moments is not out of the realm of what happens on most family vacations. You blew so way out of proportion, I’m embarrassed for you. Having memories to look back on may not mean anything to you, but they mean a lot to others.
I would have done everything possible to make sure you weren’t in any shot I took from that point forward. Unfortunately, you’re family which means when they want video with their kids and grandkids you’re going to be there. Which means they will not be able to invite you in the future and means you’ll probably try to cut access to the grandkids.” Bullwinkles_progeny
20. AITJ For Telling My Friends That My Husband Could Be Softer With His Daughter?
“My husband (39m) and I (28f) have been together for 8 years and married for 2. He has a 12-year-old daughter from a previous relationship that I’ll call Mia. We have always had a good relationship, she doesn’t consider me as her stepmom but more like an older sister.
About 6 months ago, my husband and his ex agreed to change the custody arrangement and Mia spends every other week with us as opposed to every other weekend. Now Mia is a very sweet kid, but she has a ton of energy. I don’t have any problem with that but my husband likes the quiet and gets irritated and yells at her if she’s being too loud or energetic for his liking.
I brought it up to him many times because it breaks my heart a little every time but he apologises just to do it again.
I had a dinner party planned with my friends and Mia and my husband ate with us. Later, he left to our bedroom and Mia went to bed. Once he was gone, my friend said something about how much of a good dad he is and how sweet he is with Mia.
I agreed that he was a good dad but I said that I wish he was softer with her and that he often upsets her when she’s just being a kid. My husband overheard and when everybody left, he tore me a new one, told me to sleep on the couch and when I refused got so mad he left and came back hours later in the middle of the night.
I’m sure it must have upset him but I was just sharing with my closest friends how I see the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“TBH sounds like you need to tell your husband he has about a month to drastically show consistent change in his behavior towards his daughter or you’re going to feel compelled to interfere as a concerned stepparent.
That he should seek out anger management or do whatever he has to do to be more patient, loving & kind towards his daughter for acting like the kid she is. And don’t tell him this but if he’s still the same in a month, contact your stepdaughter’s mother and let her know how he’s been and that you personally aren’t sure if the change in the custody agreement is in Stepdaughter’s best interest due to this.
NTJ.” excel_pager_420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would really recommend the book “How to be a calm parent” by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. It’s helpful to anyone really. But she is being developmentally normal and your husband is struggling with all that entails. I have spoken to my friends about my relationship in the past, and that’s ok.
I guess it’s really hard to overhear it because he doesn’t want people to think badly of him. That’s probably why he is so upset, he is likely feeling for right or wrong humiliated. But it’s great that you stand up for your stepdaughter.
But that is how he will be with any children you will have should you have any together, so you do need to tackle it. Babies, toddlers, and young children are loud and noisy. My daughter is the best person ever, but gosh is she loud.
Shouting at her often is something that will leave a mark on her, just the same as smacking/spanking does. Just because it’s not their hand doesn’t mean it doesn’t have the same impact. I would challenge him every single time he does it.
It’s not fair to your stepdaughter. He needs to put in the work to make changes to his behavior towards her. Or she won’t want him in her life when she gets older.” Ok_Pressure4108
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re the jerk because you could have simply taken the compliment for your husband and further complimented him off the back of that.
It seems like this is an issue that has been nagging you for a while and you wanted to vent, which is fine; just not in this situation. He’s the jerk for blowing the whole thing out of proportion and refusing to communicate effectively in a calm manner.
Also, the fact he couldn’t find someone his own age (31 at the time) and had to go out with a 20-year-old is a huge red flag girl, come on! He had to go out with someone much younger because no woman his own age would put up with the way he behaves.
Just wondering: if Mia came to you at age 18 and said a guy aged 29 was interested in her, would this not raise a red flag for you?” minimilk98
19. AITJ For Frequently Switching Shifts With My Co-Worker?
“I work at a large facility that functions 24 hours a day with many employees. Scheduling is done by seniority. Every November people can request what hours/days off/positions they want and they are allocated based on how long you’ve worked here.
“Ally” and I have worked here a long time and work shifts that start at 2 AM, which aren’t popular, so we never have trouble getting what we want in November.
We work cushy jobs with a lot of sitting down and have great days off. I have Thursday and Friday off, and Ally has Saturday and Sunday off.
Even though the company has to schedule us for the position we won, we are allowed to switch days with each other if we need/want to.
So anytime Ally and I want a three or four-day weekend, we switch days. If we want to take a trip, need to run an errand, etc, we work it out with each other. We also switch days we both work once or twice a week to break up the monotony of doing the same thing every day and to maintain familiarity with each other’s jobs.
Ally’s department just got a new supervisor. This new supervisor approached me the other day about how often I switch with Ally. She said we do it too often and it’s “unfair” to other employees. The thing is, the rules say anyone can do this, so if two people want to work things out with each other like Ally and I did, they can.
So it isn’t really unfair.
New supervisor is mad that I keep coming back even though she told me she doesn’t want me to. She can’t stop me though, as she’s just a supervisor. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Certainly NTJ but if the supervisor keeps getting “mad” it may be worth speaking with HR if she won’t accept that you aren’t breaking the rules and that what you are doing is actually helpful in terms of efficiency.
Knowing one another’s roles well is far better than someone ad hoc covering.” Dogmother123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t even call this “gaming” the system, you’re just working within the parameters of your job agreement. I’ve been in a union job with seniority scheduling and this is exactly how it goes; you set your schedule based on length of hire and switch amongst yourselves at will.
This supervisor will either need to get it together or they won’t be there long, and if you have a handbook I’d look for any sections on harassment/retaliation, particularly by management…” Brainjacker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone here saying to tell the supervisor that you’re doing nothing wrong…but I’d change the way I’d go about that.
I’d ask HER to show me in the employee handbook where what we’re doing is breaking any rules. Put the onus on her to provide the documentation. When she can’t provide it because it doesn’t exist, politely request that she discuss it with HR together with both of you so everyone is on the same (non-existent) page.
She may leave it alone at that point.” Short-Classroom2559
18. AITJ For Leaving My Nephew Alone At Home Because My Brother Forgot Him?
“My (F22) son (4), my brother “Brad” (33), and I all live with my dad (60). My mom passed away 3 years ago and my son and I moved in with my dad because it was easier on all of us emotionally and I just wanted to be close with my dad.
I work from 8 am to 6 pm and my son has to be at school by 8 so I’m usually out the door by 7:20 no later than 7:30. My dad does dialysis 3 days a week and this day was one of the days he had to go.
Brad knows this.
My brother gets his son “Dave” (9) on days my nephew’s mom has to work mornings. When Dave comes over my brother leaves him here with my dad and me and goes to his partner’s house. Like usual he left my nephew here but I don’t think anything of it because he usually has his mom come get him before we have to leave the house but today he didn’t.
Around 7 am when I was dressed and getting my son ready to leave the house, I just had this feeling to check the rooms in the house and I did and I saw my nephew in the bed (he half scared the daylights out of me).
I called my brother very angry because I had to leave the house in like 15 minutes. He said he forgot Dave was here and then asked me if I could just drop him off at his partner’s house. I said no I have to go in a minute and he needs to figure something out.
It was going on 7:30 because I waited for Brad to call me back but he didn’t so I just texted his baby mama and she said she was on her way. I waited until 7:35 then I had to leave. I told my nephew to watch TV on the couch and wait for his mom.
I locked the doors and left.
After work my brother and I got into a little argument about it because he said I should’ve never left my nephew but I had to go to work. I can’t call out of work or be late (even though I was) because you “forgot” your son was still at home.
It makes no sense to me but I feel bad because he is just 9. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Brad’s an idiot for forgetting his son but it’s not his son’s fault and you left him alone. If something similar happened with your son at that age, I’m sure you’d be upset with Brad.
Though I’m not saying for one second you’d forget your son. I’m similar to what another commenter said, if your country/state’s laws mean you can leave the son alone then NTJ. If you can’t then I will stick with everyone’s a jerk here.” Haytham_Ken
Another User Comments:
“While your brother is definitely a jerk. You left a 9-year-old alone and left yourself with the liability. If something had happened, you just risked your own custody of your child because of the decision to leave him alone. While I get the reason behind it, the potential consequences were high.
You could have had the BM meet you at your office to get him. Soft YTJ BUT your brother is a hard jerk.” Miascircus
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I think you could’ve explained this at work. It’s your nephew so why wouldn’t you want to make sure he’s ok and just wait an extra few minutes?
I don’t know about needing it to be illegal to be an issue, I just think it would be the right thing to do. But yikes your brother needs a reality check.” Jerratt24
17. AITJ For Retaliating After Being Mocked In A Soccer Game?
“I (F19) play house league soccer strictly for fun. I try my best, but I’ll also stop in the middle of the game to talk to the people in the stands, my teammates, and sometimes even the other team – I truly do not care to win or lose.
Yesterday, we had a game and I made a random joke about the weather to a girl on the other team. She laughed and started joking back. This other girl on their team (let’s call her B) yelled, “Can you stop distracting my freaking team?” I yelled back, “Can your team stop being so easily distracted?” Later, I continued talking to whoever I could tell did not take the game seriously.
This still made B angry and she screamed, “Shut up, nobody likes you or your kermit-like voice.”
Now, I’ll admit, my voice does sound like Kermit and it doesn’t bother me when it’s teased by my friends, but B is a stranger and I couldn’t just let it go.
B also has a pretty deep voice for stereotypical standards. So, I replied, “Yeah but everyone can pick my voice out of any crowd, when you talk we’re guessing if it’s you or a biker gang member.” This made her cry, and I was later told that she’s always been insecure about her deep voice.
Some of my team, their whole team, and a bunch of parents said I crossed the line. B even reported it to the league officials and I am up for review if I can finish the rest of the season. I don’t really care to be suspended, but the rest of the season seems a bit much.
Personally, I think whatever you make fun of on someone else is fair game to be made fun of on you, but being up for review and seeing her cry has made me wonder if I really did cross a line. Should I have just let it go when she said the Kermit comment?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the same thing she did, and it’s really hard to resist defending yourself when you’re under attack. Can’t believe she’s not under review too. Do what you gotta do to stay out of trouble but no you’re not evil for saying exactly what she said to you.
Ideally, you’d have brushed the comment off but you’re only human.” thestairslookflat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she can’t tolerate receiving after dishing then she’s not allowed in the kitchen. But I’d probably apologize in person and explain that if your teasing her upset her so much she could do with growing thicker skin.
Life is tough and you can’t let what people think or say reflect on what you think of yourself. Everyone has their own intrinsic value, banter is banter, bullying is not good. Can’t stand the heat? Then don’t start a fire or get out of the kitchen.” Ambitious_Scar524
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, everyone’s a jerk. Including the league officials. What if your Kermit voice is YOUR biggest insecurity? Can you now report her and get her suspended, even though she didn’t know this ahead of time? These were entirely equivalent actions, and, in fact, SHE was first. This is like reporting someone for punching you in the face when they punched you in the face first. You both got in a fight, you both deserve any consequences equally.
Aside, EVERYONE needs to learn not to say disparaging stuff to people. You also sounded like you were being annoying. Don’t be annoying, lol.” RainbowScissors
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Her Divorce Isn't The Same As My Husband's Death?
“Listen, I didn’t even want to get into comparing the two situations to begin with, so there were more than a few occasions I let it go when my friend made the comments.
Anything about how the divorce is a death and she’s grieving the relationship was fine. I initially wasn’t even equating it to my experience which was 3 years ago, because she’s going through it now and my experiences just aren’t even relevant.
But then she kept making and escalating the comments to the point of direct comparison.
How this must be what I went through with David dying and how all of her future dreams are dead, just like how mine were.
We were at a get-together and she was talking about things when someone else asked how things were going, and she again brought me into the discussion of her divorce by talking about how dealing with a divorce is like watching a relationship die from cancer, she gestures to me and says how she really understands now, we’re both single widows now, etc etc.
Maybe I should have bit my tongue but I just sort of blurted that it wasn’t the same thing at all; her husband didn’t die, he chose to leave, and they actually got to give marriage a shot.
My friend was shocked and offended, she ended up crying about how she just wanted to relate and I don’t even know if I should apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When my mom lost her husband, people would say this to her as well. She also found it mind-boggling because she went through a divorce, only to get remarried and have that husband die. They are clearly not the same thing.
Your partner dying and your partner leaving you are not even in the same ballpark. I used to get so angry when people would make this comparison because it’s always people who never lost a partner to death before. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry your friend is such an idiot.” rybread31299
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, the two aren’t even comparable. I don’t think you need to apologize, but if you do, simply state something along the lines of “Friend, I am sorry for snapping at you, as I know you are going through a lot right now, but I can’t and won’t apologize for what I said.
Just for how I said it. The fact is that you don’t know what I went through with my husband’s death. And I don’t know what you are going through with your divorce. They are two completely different things. Your soon-to-be ex is still alive.
If things ever change and you want to see him again, you can. I, however, will never see my husband again. I will always live with the strong belief that we would never have fallen out of love, even if that’s not true. You, however, will always know the very real pain of a love that ended in bitterness.
They are two different types of pain. Even two people who have both divorced or both become widows/widowers will not necessarily understand what each other is going through, because each person’s journey through grief is a very personal one for each individual. So please, for both our sakes, stop trying to compare them as though they are the same.
All you are doing is hurting us both and compounding the pain for both of us.” You may also want to recommend grief therapy for her and to see about it for yourself as well (if you haven’t already), since both situations are a matter of grief and grief therapy can help for both.” SayerSong
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been divorced and I’ve been widowed. At the funeral of my late husband one “friend” told me that she’d had a hard time adjusting to being single and seeing other people again after she broke up with her partner so if I ever needed to talk with someone who got it she was there for me.
She finished by saying that “they’ll be others” – meaning relationships. At the funeral. After me and my two children had cremated the man who was my husband and their father. I haven’t spoken to her since. As I said, I’ve been divorced and widowed – even before I was widowed I knew a divorce wasn’t the same.
Painful – absolutely, life-altering – yes, but comparable? No. Being actually widowed just confirmed that for me. Honestly, it takes a special sort of self-absorption to say things like your friend, or mine. If the divorce is very fresh it might just be down to the weight of emotion but if she persists then she is probably one of those people with a desperate need to be the most grief-stricken, the most hurt, the most sad.
NTJ. And I’m sorry for your loss.” mamapielondon
15. AITJ For Publicly Humiliating A Med Student Who Was Mocking Another Student's Major?
“I (24M) was at a party recently. A group of students, including me, were all standing around and mingling.
I knew some of them but not all. Anyway, this guy “Henry”(20sM) I’m acquainted with because we are both medical students, was talking to another guy “Joe” (20sM) who I hadn’t met before. The topic of studying came up, basically Henry asked what Joe was studying because he had never seen him on campus before.
Joe told the group that he was studying graphic design and marketing.
Henry started kinda making fun of this guy, and getting more aggressive. It was all jokes that I’m sure everyone has heard a million times before about useless majors and the degree only being worth the paper it’s printed on, things like that.
Joe seemed pretty upset at this, but Henry wouldn’t let go of the conversation even when I, another girl (20sF) I didn’t know, and Joe tried to change the conversation.
At some point, Henry made a comment along the lines of “I’d love to see you try to struggle through one of our exams.” I was getting super annoyed so I responded with “That’d be about as funny as when you failed clinical pharmacology twice.”
The group dispersed after that. Joe did thank me for defending him and even invited me out for coffee as a thank you, but mutual friends are saying that I went way over the line by humiliating him by bringing this up. I get where they’re coming from, I’m pretty sure every medical student feels immense pressure to succeed and like they’re not good enough, and being devalued based on academic performance by your peers stings.
It does make me wonder if I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He messed around, he found out. Your friends were okay with Henry roasting Joe, but not when you turned it on Henry? Not cool. Don’t dish out what you can’t take back.
Yes, medical majors have it rough, but that’s no excuse to belittle someone else’s chosen path in life.” SakuraKitsune4
Another User Comments:
“This is just disappointing. Every time I read these posts I feel a growing sense of unease with the direction society is headed. A 24-year-old, well-educated, person resorting to tit-for-tat humiliation techniques instead of speaking up the moment Henry made the first comment.
Don’t try and change the topic, acknowledge what Henry is doing as being wrong, address him directly, and tell him that. How are you any better than Henry? You have no more right to degrade his academic performance than he did Joe’s. This is some kindergarten I saw Billy Bob pull Sally Sue’s pigtails so I dumped my Vegemite on his seat.
You are 24, you are an educated, articulate adult. Act like it. When you see a bully just turn to the bully and tell them no. Otherwise, you are just part of the problem and perpetuating the myth that this behavior is acceptable. All jerks here to everyone but Joe.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the guy should’ve taken the multiple hints left by others present who tried to change the conversation. Plus, how much of an insecure jerk do you have to be to constantly rag on someone that you just met (“…because he had never seen him on campus before.”)?
IMO, he had it coming. Mess around and find out.” Acacia-Dragoon
14. AITJ For Being Annoyed At Family Ignoring My Baby Shower Registry?
“I am having my first baby. My baby shower is this weekend. I sent my friends and family a registry and posted it on social media. I had a friend whose child just aged out of their crib, so he was going to give us his.
So, I specifically didn’t put a crib on my registry. My mom also bought a stroller and car seat, so I didn’t put one on there either. All baby shower gifts are being sent to my mom’s house, and my mom is going to bring them with her to my shower.
My grandmother sends me a text message saying she is getting something sent to my house. I was appreciative but already annoyed because I knew it was going to be something that wasn’t on the registry. It arrives and it’s a crib. Okay, awesome. But I already have one.
My stepmom sent me a text a couple of weeks before this saying that she also got me a crib and bassinet. I had specifically said I don’t need a bassinet either because I live in a studio apartment for the time being, and will still be living here when the baby is bassinet-sized.
So now, I have 3 cribs and a bassinet that I didn’t ask for or put on the registry because I didn’t need them, meanwhile, most of the stuff I had put on my registry hasn’t been ordered.
Like I said, I am appreciative of the fact that they were willing to buy these things, but I specifically didn’t put a lot of things on the registry (especially the high-dollar items) because I already have the items. Both of these people also texted me personally for the link and then chose to just ignore it.
So..am I the jerk or am I justified in my annoyance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are completely justified in your annoyance. I had a handful of grandmas/aunties buying stuff off-registry for my shower. It was pretty irritating because one of the things people try to do with registries is add a decent balance of different-sized clothing so that they don’t end up with a ton of NB and 0-3M stuff.
If everyone had stuck to the registry I’d have had a perfect distribution of clothing sizes. Instead, I had to go to various stores and make returns, while heavily pregnant, in the summer heat. Do NOT create more chores for pregnant women! Stick to their registry, or at the very least reach out to them and ask, “hey, I noticed there isn’t an X on your registry, would you like one?” Another great thing about sticking to the registry, or asking beforehand, is that the gift won’t be a surprise.
Pregnant women don’t need surprises!” WellAckshully
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I worked at an upscale china store after college and the number of people that came in and ignored the bride’s list because they wanted to get something special and memorable. I guess giving people what they want isn’t special enough.
Well, the bride remembered them for ignoring their wishes. I am sure/hope you can return them and buy something special for the baby with the money. You can tell them that you bought it for the baby in their honor or something like that.” VintageSed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being annoyed. I’m prepping for my first baby now, and the registry stress is so real. This advice will come too late for you, but maybe someone else can benefit: what we did to stave off this kind of duplication of gifts/hand-me-downs was to add the hand-me-downs (or something similar) to the registry and mark it as Purchased so that anyone looking at the registry would know it was covered instead of assuming “oh, they must have forgotten to register for X!” Yes, our registry is stupidly long now because it’s filled with things we already got rather than things we’re asking for, but it’s made my life much, much easier.” vf-n
13. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Soon-To-Be Born Sibling?
“I (F17) might have a new sibling, which is concerning because my mother is 45 years old. And pregnancy at that age is risky. I don’t mind a new sibling, but I do mind that I might be the one to take care of it.
My mother would tell my sister (F22) that we would be responsible for the kid, and she would joke that the kid would be outed as the child of my sister, making the kid their grandchild, which made my sister and me uncomfortable.
I pointed out that we didn’t want to take care of the possible kid (but we would probably help sometimes), since they were the ones who wanted to have a new kid. My mother and father kind of became mad at that, saying that it was our responsibility as the older ones, and I was being selfish for saying that they should be the ones to take care of the new child.
They said that the possible new kid was a blessing, which I wasn’t denying by the way. It’s just that I really don’t want to take care of them.
I already feel exhausted mentally and physically with the stress from school as well as the anxiety of not knowing what I want to do with my life, and I don’t want to add taking care of a child to one of my worries.
Plus, I can barely take care of myself. But I still feel a bit bad that I was called selfish for not wanting to take care of the possible new kid, so AITJ?
For clarification, my mother is already pregnant, and I use the word “might” since the kid is not born yet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s not your child, it’s theirs. Their child, their responsibility. Not your child, not your responsibility. It’s not your child, so it’s not their grandchild. It’s their child, so THEY will be taking care of THEIR child.
I think it’s clear that this is an “oopsie” baby and they’re trying to pawn off the child and all the responsibility on you and/or your sister. You and your sister together need to explain and drill it into their head that this is their child and neither of you will be taking care or raising this child for them.” gover2087
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are right to make sure it’s clear to them that they, as both yours and the new baby’s parents, hold all the responsibility if they choose to have the baby. If they press any further, if I were you I’d be talking to your sister about what to do if they do follow through.
I’d suggest one of you be ready to call CPS (or the equivalent), and letting your parents know that will happen if they decide to go the route they keep talking about. You are still a kid, and shouldn’t be responsible for another kid, especially someone else’s.
As for being stressed about school and not knowing what you want to do… if you are doing your best, don’t beat yourself up. And even though everyone is probably asking you what you want to do, unless you already know within every fiber of yourself what you want (which is rare), you won’t figure it out for years.
Most people change their minds multiple times, or life circumstances change things for them. You don’t need to know now, so don’t put that stress on yourself.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 17 – not your kid. I assume you won’t be living at home much longer anyway right?
Either you’ll go to post-secondary education or start working in the near future. There is nothing wrong with you occasionally helping, and you’re willing to do that, but the bulk of things is your parents’ responsibility and they absolutely should not expect you and your sister to be primary caregivers to a child they chose to bring into the world.” PilotEnvironmental46
12. AITJ For Accepting A TV Role That My Friend Didn't Get?
“My friend contacted me one day and she said how would you feel about doing a short interview thing for a new TV show?
I was like, yeah sure sounds fun. So it was like this “girl’s talk” thing and they wanted three girls to get together and talk about living in a different country. My friend needed to get two more friends for the audition/interview so she invited me.
We talked with the director and a couple of weeks later, I got a call. I was told they thought I was funny so they wanted me to be on the show. But then they told me the other girls didn’t get picked, only me.
I felt really conflicted but I ended up saying I would do it. I figured they were just picking people randomly out of the groups of girls they interviewed and if I said no, it could mean my friend would get picked to replace me so why pass up on this opportunity?
I learned at the shoot this wasn’t the case. They picked two girls from the same group and then me.
I messaged my friend saying I hoped she wasn’t upset with me for doing this and I was sad we couldn’t do it together but she just read the message and didn’t reply.
I was really apologetic and didn’t try to rub it in or anything in my message. So now I’m wondering if I was the jerk for taking the job when she was the one who was asked to audition in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one and your post shows you are very thoughtful. NTJ. She asked, you agreed, you were picked. Everything is clear, up front, and with mutual consent. Until you got the part. Would it have been better to talk with them before you accepted?
Maybe. But you were under no obligation to do so. When people audition, and they are also a part of a friend group they should be aware that these situations might/probably will occur. That they didn’t anticipate this is their bad. What happens next is unknown.
But that’s not on the OP.” Important-Energy8038
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. That’s just how it goes sometimes. Since your friend appears to just be taking some space to deal with her feelings and hasn’t lashed out at you over it or anything, I don’t think she’s a jerk for being upset or sad or whatever that you got the role she wanted, especially since you say she’d an aspiring actress.
And no you’re not a jerk either for taking an opportunity presented to you because of something she asked you to do as a favor to her.” TriZARAtops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s just how it is sometimes. I have auditioned against friends.
I am always happy for them if they get the part even if it hurts a little bit that I didn’t. I can understand how she might want to ghost you but it’s honestly bad form. She should have congratulated you! We have to support and uplift each other because if your friends aren’t going to who is?!
While rejections hurt it isn’t personal against her. She just wasn’t right for this project. You were. Someone working in that field should already have known that it was a risk. Please don’t feel guilty! Take the most of this new job and have fun.
Heck, I have a feeling with how thoughtful and considerate you came across in this thread, it came across in your audition. Being someone who is enjoyable to work with is part of what they look for in casting. Your friend who is ghosting you hopefully realizes that while she already lost out on the job and can’t change that she doesn’t have to lose a great friend too.” Trying2Smile
11. AITJ For Confronting My Father About His Verbal Abuse?
“I’m 20F, I started to go to therapy a while back.
So, growing up, my father was pretty strict with me and my sisters (Mostly me and my older sister though).
And as a child, being parented repetitively by my dad’s methods, we got used to it. But, towards the end of my high school years, I questioned the things he was saying to us/the things he’s done. For example, we were not allowed to feel anger toward him, it would just have to disappear or be punished even more.
If we ever cried, he would tell my older sister and me to “Stop crying or he’d give us something to actually cry about.” There were times in his own fits of anger, when he would say/yell things that absolutely terrified my sister and me.
Even now I struggle with talking to my father about basic things.
When I finally went to therapy, I was eventually told that what my father was saying/threatening to do was verbal abuse. I was in denial at first because I knew my dad wouldn’t intentionally hurt us cause he loved me and my sisters.
But I eventually realized that what my therapist said was true. There were things he said that would be threatening, especially when he was angry. There are things I remember to this day that he has said and I can’t forget them no matter what.
Now, I’ve been going to therapy for a couple more things like depression, anxiety, being bullied for most of my childhood years, and relationship issues. I’ve talked about this with my parents and eventually got to my father’s impact on my life. The moment I explained what he’d done, he immediately got on the defensive and said “I might say those things but I don’t actually do anything to you!” He completely missed the point and when he walked away my mother had to vouch for his actions saying that it was just how my dad was.
I feel awful for even bringing the topic up and I’m wondering if I should’ve told him in the first place. I just wanted him to realize the mental damage he left because of his actions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you learned a useful lesson here, which is that just because you are ready to process something in therapy and talk to people about it doesn’t mean they are ready to hear it.
From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like he’s a classic narcissist but it sounds like he could use some therapy himself — sounds like there’s a lot of buried rage and frustration there. None of that is your fault. Don’t beat yourself up about upsetting him but also don’t try to be his therapist; that’s not your job.
Your job is to take care of you and hope he can sort out why he behaved that way and heal whatever is driving that behavior in himself.” Formal-Register-1557
Another User Comments:
“He’s a jerk just in the fact that he gaslighted you when you attempted to talk to him.
When someone actually loves AND respects you, they allow themselves to be held accountable for their wrongs. They aren’t on some moral higher ground because they’re an “elder” or a “parent”. He had a position of power and abused it. Your mom is arguably worse though, she knew AND enabled him.
Then, when confronted with a fully formed adult brain, she chose to defend him, rather than do what’s right. Ask them, if a stranger did the same to you now, would they also defend their actions? If a neighbor or teacher had done the same to you when you were young, would they have been okay with it?
If your boss verbally abused you the same way now, would they agree with the behavior? If the answers are no, then they understand they had power over you, and consistently chose the wrong path. It says monuments about their character they’re taking the stance they are now.
When someone is weak, they should be defended, not defiled by those sworn to defend them.” BlargtheGiant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Standing up for yourself is essential to moving forward. If you don’t confront the damage he did to you you could never hope to develop the healthy relationships you would want to have.
That takes strength, real strength, and I admire you for that. And finally yes, as others have mentioned he has very succinctly revealed who the real jerk is in your relationship. His response to learning that you were hurt by his actions was to deflect and gaslight you, that’s not what a decent parent does.
Honestly, even if he does eventually “come around” and apologize for hurting you, the damage will have been done. You could never be the jerk here simply because this all started when you were the at most vulnerable point in your entire life and when you trusted him the most. He abused that trust. I’ve gone on long enough I know but to make sure I cover my bases I’m going to have to say that your mother might be sort of a jerk for excusing his behavior.
I can’t speak to her behavior when he was mistreating (assuming he isn’t any longer) you but her unwillingness to support you in favor of “not rocking the boat” is abuse of a different kind. So no, you are NTJ.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Using Inherited Money For A House Without Inviting My Dad To Live With Us?
“My mom passed away about a year ago and my dad has been in the process of selling the house that I and my two older brothers grew up in. My dad has never discussed with me what his plans are after selling but my brothers have said that dad would like to live close to me (possibly in the same shared house) due to proximity to extended family, weather and I have younger kids that would give him something to occupy his time with.
For what it’s worth, I live in a different state.
Many years ago my parents opened like a mutual fund account in my name with my oldest sibling as a custodian but my dad very recently asked my brother to take his name off of the account so I would have full access to the funds.
It’s a good amount of money and would help me put a down payment towards a house in my area which is fairly expensive.
My dad didn’t say anything about the purpose of the money so I started looking for houses. When I mentioned over the phone that I was looking at houses, he seemed quiet and a little sad but I didn’t think anything of it.
My brother texted me later and said that when dad seemed sad when he visited over the weekend and when he asked, he said it was because I was looking for a house with the money that my parents saved but didn’t ask or consider if I wanted dad to live with us.
From my standpoint, my dad didn’t say anything about the money, plus I’m not sure if I want him to live with us. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go farther and say no jerks here, except maybe your brother. To be specific: NTJ, and your dad also was NTJ for merely feeling saddened. Whether or not this also applies to your brother depends largely on how he delivered the news.
If he was just trying to help you fill in some gaps, NTJ. If he was accusatory, in particular on his own without any direction from your dad, then he’s the jerk.” dfjdejulio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your dad is having a tough time, but he has no inherent right to live with you, and you have no inherent obligation to invite him.
And he could easily live near you. Or with, or near, other family members. The family needs to probably talk this out, 1-on-1 or as a group; but first, you need to figure out what your feelings and priorities are about this. That way you can’t be cornered by guilt or other people’s assumptions, and you set limits/boundaries, when the group or person-to-person conversations happen.” kn0tkn0wn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so sorry for his loss, and yours. But no. Absolutely no one gets to invite themselves into someone else’s home to live. That’s an inappropriate request. If you craved his daily company and asked him, that would be a different story.
But you cannot guilt or pout your way into someone’s life. Nor do your children exist to bolster someone else. That is not their job. That is using them as objects. Ewwww. Nor is that a mature way to behave. It reeks of a child saying they are going to hold their breath until their face turns blue.
To which you respond, go ahead, kid… How much worse would the passive-aggressive nonsense get once he was there? Yikes!” Confident_Fortune_32
9. AITJ For Considering Selling My Late Husband's Tools That My Son Cherishes?
“My (50F) husband (55M) passed away two years ago, we shared 3 children. (Piam 28M, Sonia 25F, Zeke 17M) His passing has been very hard on us, he was a different kind of man, kind, cheerful, my kids and I loved him deeply, even my DIL and SIL.
Since our two oldest had already left home, he and Zeke became closer, they shared the same sense of humor, liked the same things and if he was doing something in the garage or our patio, Zeke was always around, making sure he was okay, bringing him water, a snack, anything, if he had a project, my husband was always around doing the same thing.
He had diabetes and hypertension, but he was also very obstinate and noisy, believed himself as Superman, and as if nothing could ever hurt him.
My son Piam has been telling me for a few months now that it’s time to move his dad’s tools to a small room we have in the back, he had a lot of them lying around, double or triple of very basic things, hammers, screwdrivers, drills.
Zeke loved them. Ever since my husband passed away, he’s been the one helping me fix things around the house because he likes it. if I have to hire someone, he asks them if he can see what they’re doing and sometimes they let him
Now, this is the problem, my BIL and his son (my husband’s brother) called and asked me if I can sell them my husband’s tools (not all of them, of course, but some), Zeke was with me and give me a ”no” signal, I didn’t say yes or no, but to be fair, I’m thinking about it.
As soon as we hung up, Zeke begged me not to, he said that most of his dad’s things are things they (my kids) gave him, he also said it was disgusting they asked that because the last time they came, he was using the drill to fix a drawer and they saw the box (it was a full set) and commented on ”how good it was” and how ”they needed one like that.” They entered the room where we store everything and saw what my husband owned, he said he doesn’t know how to use all of them, but that he wants to learn.
I said that we don’t need all of them, but he said that he’s not ready to let them go and that I’ll be a jerk if I do it because he didn’t like how they asked.
I’ve reached an impasse, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you did so without further consulting your son. Go to him, and ask him which specific tools you’re not allowed to sell. Do the same with your other two children. I understand needing the money but a lot of those tools have sentimental value for your youngest and possibly for your elder two as well.
In addition to that, I do find it kinda sketchy that the brother coincidentally ended up in the storage room and scoped out the rest of the tools.” Dios-De-Pollos
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. This isn’t just about tools. Your son values his dad’s collection and wants to keep it to honor him.
He also knows that his uncle only wants the tools for superficial value, and will not care about the sentimentality of the tools. Your son wants to learn about, use, and love a collection of items that his dad loved. Your BIL wants high-quality tools for a discount.
“I said that we don’t need all of them, but he said that he’s not ready to let them go and that I’ll be a jerk if I do it.” You, personally, may not need all the tools. He told you outright that he still needs them emotionally.
Your son is right — to him, selling these tools now would be like selling parts of his father. Never give away, sell, or get rid of any of your husband’s tools in any way. Leave them all for your son.” rhyslynnt
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Do not sell your husband’s tools, with a caveat. Tools are passed down, and the quality of the tools of yesteryear means they will probably outlive your son and maybe even the generation after that. You don’t get quality like that much anymore. My late father passed away at Christmas last year, and even going into his shed and seeing the drill press set up there, still plugged in, like he maybe just stepped away briefly for a coffee break, makes me cry each and every time I go inside.
In fact, I’m tearing up now. Caveat: Unless one of your children has gone into a trade requiring specialized tools, like how a chippy probably needs different tools than a sparky might, those can be sold. If the tool is not something that is necessary for maintaining a house, and particularly if it is a bulky power tool or something that can be borrowed if needed, then selling those might be okay.
But not the hand tools. They hold emotions, really, they hold all those complicated, wordless feelings that fathers never really explain to their children. I can look at a certain screwdriver on the bench and remember my Dad fixing something for me. I can see his wood-turning tools and the jigsaw, and remember the dollhouse he made for me.
And I can remember him teaching me to use those tools, too. I can see us building IKEA furniture. I can remember him building bits of furniture, too.” gl1ttercake
8. AITJ For Defending My Partner And Insisting On Vet Care For My Parent's Cat?
“I (22m) live on my parents’ property, but not in their house. They have 2 cats P (m2) and S (f2) who are indoor/outdoor cats that I take care of when they aren’t home.
About 2 weeks ago, P returned home after 3 days, limping, lethargic, and had a lot of blood in his urine. I wanted to immediately take him to the vet, but my mom (69F) told me, “Just leave him for a few days and he will heal up.” I refused and waited all day for P to come out of a bush so I could take him.
She was confused why I would do this because “he’s just a cat.”
Eventually, my partner “Viv” (20f) helped me coax P out of his hiding spot and got him into a carrier. Only then did my mom insist on taking him to the vet, alone.
I wanted to go with her and take Viv since she has experience with emergency vets (her family dog is old and sickly). My mom kept claiming that I “think she’s incompetent and can’t ever do anything right,” but agreed.
After waiting a while, P was finally seen by a vet.
My mom almost refused X-rays, because she “could tell he didn’t have broken bones!” When the X-ray came back, it verified he had no broken bones, but P had a bruised kidney. The vet said they wanted to keep P overnight as they wanted to continue watching his vitals.
When the vet tech came back with the estimate of $500-$800, my mom started to go off, yelling about how it was too expensive and that she was just going to take P home. Viv and I were extremely concerned for P so I offered to pay for ALL of the costs, but she just kept yelling things like, “Why would I pay THAT MUCH for a cat!?” When I would try and get a word in she would yell at me and say I was “being belligerent.” We both ended up yelling and I honestly don’t even remember much of what was said.
Viv eventually spoke up a bit saying something along the lines of, “How about we all take a breath and calm down,” and she attempted to explain to my mom what the vets could/are charging for. My mom then screamed at HER, to which I immediately defended Viv.
My mom stormed out and Viv began to have a panic attack as being yelled at triggers them due to personal issues.
My mom eventually came back, asking Viv why “she was so upset,” to which I snapped and told her to shut up. P was taken home, without treatment because she wouldn’t let me pay and because she was “angry, tired, cold, and hungry.”
It’s been 2 weeks, P hasn’t completely healed up and my mom keeps saying I need to apologize for my behavior. I told her she needs to apologize to Viv but my mom claims it was justified because Viv was “sticking her nose in her business.”
AITJ because I wanted to take my parents’ cat to the vet and defended my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“Ummmm it kinda sounds like your cat didn’t have an accident, more your mom did something to cause its injuries and then tried everything to keep the vet from discovering what the true cause was.
I mean she didn’t want the cat to go, then was refusing x-rays, which would show the injury and then refused to let the cat stay where they probably would have done a more thorough exam. These are all telltale signs of abuse. If this is new behavior for your mom, you should take her to get evaluated, because aggression and irrational behavior are signs of some mental illnesses that develop in people around her age.
For now, keep the cats far far away from your mom and get the injured cat back to the vet.” DonnieDusko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I genuinely feel bad for the cat. P may have been better already if your mom had just gotten the care he needed. That’s part of what owning a pet means.
Caring for them. As for Viv, it wasn’t her place. I realize she was just trying to help and diffuse the situation, but it would have been best for her to not say anything. Your mom was wrong to chew into her, but people aren’t always kind when they are angry.
Viv deserves an apology, but I highly doubt she will get one. I hope P will be okay.” onedayatatime08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I understand where you’re coming from. Your mom does sound overly angry, however, I can see not wanting to spend $800 for a cat to sleep overnight at a vet’s office.
There generally isn’t anyone even there at night, they wouldn’t be observing it for long they just would’ve been checking on it in the morning. For something like a bruised kidney I’d have wanted to take the cat home too, let it rest, and bring it back if it got worse especially since it had already been checked out.” herdingsquirrels
7. AITJ For Retaliating After My Wife's Coworker Threw A Soda On Me As A Joke?
“Went out to a water park with some of my wife’s coworkers today and one of them thought it would be “funny” to throw an entire soda on me as “joke”. The crowd goes pretty hard but nothing is ever as disrespectful as this.
After rinsing off in the water and coming back visibly upset she said “oh haha don’t be mad it was just a joke” and being already upset by this I responded with “and this is why you’re single.”
To top it off my wife was present at the time and didn’t seem to have my back about it, instead just laughing with her friend, the girl who threw it. This was because “she didn’t want to be confrontational in front of the other coworkers.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ … I mean that’s kind of a jerk thing to say, but she deserved it and I’m here for it. I’m not sure if you’re mad at your wife or just adding info. More info – were you participating in the water park?
As in were you in a bathing suit splashing around in the water or were you just there to hang out? If you were going to get wet anyway it’s not quite as terrible and this could be why your wife was laughing. In HS I dumped a soda over my friend’s head because she wouldn’t stop ‘flipping’ ie bumping the can when I tried to drink it.
I felt bad right away, after school I bought her a new similar shirt and brought it to her the next morning.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“Look, NTJ for retaliating to her “prank” but please can we stop using being single as an undesirable state that is worth insulting someone over?
Like someone only has value if they are in a relationship. I know that’s not the root of this AITJ but it is one of those insidious opinions that people throw around without realizing how destructive they are to people within society as a whole.
I thought we had evolved to a space where people should no longer be casually judged or insulted by their gender, sexuality, or relationship status. People have value whether they have a partner or not.” SailorJerrry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I can’t wrap my brain around this story.
These were your wife’s coworkers? Does she work with 5-year-olds? Because this is some extremely childish behavior. Throwing a full soda on another adult as a “joke” just doesn’t compute in my brain. I don’t get it. And your wife laughing it off? She’s just as bad.
I don’t buy the excuse of not wanting to be confrontational. Her immediate reaction was to LAUGH at you. Nope. This sounds like elementary school playground stuff. Pretty sure you are the only adult in this story.” LadyLu-ontheLake
6. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Got A Tattoo For My Half-Siblings But Not Me?
“My parents are divorced and I had what I thought were good relationships with both my parents.
A few weeks ago, I was staying at my dad’s.
And I came to find out that my dad had gotten a tattoo that was a heart and had my twin half-sibling’s names in them with their birthdate. This was done when they were born.
I asked where my tattoo was, half-joking/half-serious.
When I found out there wasn’t one and I know it’s childish, I felt very hurt.
I kind of stormed out of his house and made a bit of a scene.
My dad has since apologized many times but I’ve refused to reply to his calls/messages.
My dad sent me a picture of a new tattoo a week ago which had my name in it.
But I pointed out how it was much smaller AND had my name misspelled which he already apologized for before he sent the picture. But still…wtf?
Then he sent a pic of ANOTHER tattoo which is bigger and had my name spelled correctly. I haven’t responded.
Am I the jerk for thinking this is too little too late? I’m 17 so I know I’m too old to be acting like this but I’m fed up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The part your dad will never understand is that he can actually never make up for the first mistake in a real way.
He can try to mitigate the mistake but the damage is already done. Now it’s up to you to figure out if you’re ready to dig deeper to get to the place those feelings stem from. If there’s dissonance between what you believe is the severity of an event and your reactions (meaning it feels outsized to the thing that happened) that usually means there’s a deeper underlying reason for the feelings.
When you’re ready to explore that, you’ll find some truths hidden that can help you heal. I can’t say if you should take your dad’s calls or not, that’s up to you. But if you do, you should be ready to explain to him the reality of how his disregard of you made/makes you feel.” CaptSpacePants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For all the people arguing about whether the tattoo artist or the dad made the mistake of the misspelling, it’s irrelevant. The dad didn’t notice AFTER the tattoo was finished and sent a pic with the misspelled name (or even worse, noticed and figured it didn’t matter).
He should NOT have sent a pic until he got the second one with the correct spelling. As for being upset about the situation in general, OP is totally justified for their initial hurt feelings. I would be devastated if my dad got a tattoo with my brother’s name and proudly showed it off to me and then told me he hadn’t bothered to get one for me too.
I’m not saying it would destroy our relationship and I’d never forgive him, but dang, I’d be hurt as heck for a really long time no matter how many tattoos he got with my name after the fact, because I’d know he only got them because he was called out on the matter.” Qierce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and divorced parents make some really stupid choices. Why is it that so many parents seem to be caught by surprise that “replacement lives” end up hurting the children from their first marriages? They acted shocked that their lack of care, concern, and attention came back to bite them hard in the rear later on when their first children decided distance was better.
Then they act out of guilt, not true remorse, and make only token gestures to correct it and then only because it was pointed out to them. It’s a really sick way of treating people, honestly, and a very poor reflection on people in general.
OP you have every right to your feelings and your anger, and you are the one who chooses what, if any, relationship you have with your father. He isn’t entitled to your time, your affection, or any importance whatsoever. Those are GIFTS! And a gift abused or scorned is a gift undeserved. When you saw the tattoo and it was realized that you weren’t included he should have immediately recognized that he left you out, even if it was a spur-of-the-moment happiness thing, and gone above board to try to mend things immediately, and with you as a direct part of that process.
Not just get some more ink. That’s not even a bandaid on this situation honestly. Take it from someone whose father is not at all a part of his life anymore (he was very much a passive participant so out-of-sight-out-of-mind dad at best): don’t waste energy or time in a situation where you are doing all of the work.
If he’s not meeting or exceeding your efforts by half and half then it’s time for some real space and go find your own happiness. I wasted a ton of time trying to part of mine and it wasn’t worth the sweat I invested in the attempt.” Dusty_Fluff
5. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Sister's Financial Backup Plan?
“I 22F and my sister 19F are both students living pretty far away from home. We both don’t have great relationships with our parents, I’m no contact and she’s low contact. When my sister was visiting me she told me about how she was planning on moving back in with our parents so she could save money.
For context, my sister is really horrible with her money, at the start of every school year when she gets her student loans and education fund she goes on a shopping spree. It doesn’t seem so bad to her until months later. She had to get a full-time job this year just to offset her spending habits so she’s become super burnt out.
She asks my parents for money almost every week. I on the other hand kept a very close eye on my finances and only work part-time. I am completely financially independent from my parents and have been for 4 years now.
I told her right off the bat that moving in with our parents would not be a good idea.
For one I think her mental health would get worse, not better. On top of the fact, she’s already stuck in a lease until Sept. so she would still have to pay rent without even living there. She thinks it will be better now because our mother is getting therapy, but I don’t think she’s really capable of change.
I asked what her backup plan would be if she wants to leave and not stay the whole summer. She told me that she had assumed that she could move into my place since my roommate will be gone for the summer. I told her that would not be happening because I couldn’t afford to support her while she lived with me and my roommate is still paying her half of the rent so it wouldn’t be fair to her to move someone else in.
Plus to be honest it will be really nice to have the apartment to myself for a few months. Ever since then, she keeps trying to get me to change my mind and make me feel bad for not supporting her when she’s struggling. A couple of my friends think I should be helping her when she needs it.
AITJ for telling my sister that I wasn’t going to be her backup plan?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister needs this experience to grow up. She has to realize that she isn’t always going to have someplace to move into when she blows it.
She hasn’t had to truly be responsible for herself yet and she needs the reality check. What would she do if you lived in another country or if you were homeless? By the way, be prepared for her to just show up at your door and say there’s nowhere to go.
If she isn’t accepting no as the answer now, she might not accept it later and try to force the living situation.” ThereBeTheWhiteWhale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is old enough to be responsible for herself. At most, you could sit her down and go over her finances and come up with a good budget for her.
Maybe look into therapy for her to prevent a shopping addiction or retail therapy. Your roommate is still paying for her half of the room. So that half is not available for your sister. Don’t let your sister move in, I feel like she would never leave if you did.” SHarks_blade
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for pointing out that your roommate is paying rent in her absence so her space can be retained for her (and probably wouldn’t want your sister in her room). However, your sister isn’t on the “my parents are dead to me” train so if she’s willing to move in with them and perhaps give the relationship a chance it’s not your place to try to convince her otherwise.
What some people might throw their hands up at as hopeless another person might have the diplomacy to actually work on. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
4. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Can't Name Her Baby After My Deceased Husband?
“I (30F) am 8 months pregnant with my first child, it’s a boy. My husband Rodrigo (35M) passed away in the army 3 months ago. My sister Kayla (28F) just gave birth five days ago. She and her partner live with our parents, and I temporarily moved in as well (it’s a very big house) because I hated being alone and my parents have been very supportive.
We were going to name the baby Alex, and I am still going with that, plus Rodrigo as a middle name. My sister never discussed baby names with me or the family, she just always said she loves Hispanic names (we are white Americans, my husband was Mexican).
Yesterday she came back home with the baby and introduced us all to “baby boy Rodrigo”. I started crying and told her that’s really awful of her. My mother comforted me and told my sister she is way out of line with the name. Sister says I don’t own the name, it’s a common name where we live (it is) and I am going with Rodrigo as a middle name anyway, not a first, so it won’t be a problem.
I told my sister to just change the name to literally anything else. She says I’m a jerk for suggesting she changes her kid’s identity.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“First of all op, I am so sorry for your loss. But no, NTJ. At all.
By now you know people say horrible things with the intent to make you feel better. (I was widowed in 2010. Death sucks) “God needed and angel”. No. I and my baby need my husband here. “It’s God’s will”. In what world would you worship a God whose intent is to separate you from the love of your life and a father from his child?
“He’s in a better place”. No. The best place is here with us. I however, do not think your sister did this to “help you feel better” I think she is just being selfish. While you are raw from grief you can overreact to things.
You are not overreacting to what she did. She needs to understand that for you, your Rodrigo was THE Rodrigo. While yes, you don’t own the name, your heart owns all the loving experiences you had with THE Rodrigo. She should honor that and name her baby something that has meaning to HER.
Also op, you’re gonna be ok. I know it doesn’t feel like it. Be kind to yourself. And know it’s also ok to not be ok.” Cat_tophat365247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you two usually have a good relationship? I don’t understand why anyone would think naming their child after their sister’s recently deceased husband was an ok thing to do without at least having a discussion about it.
It goes beyond being incredibly insensitive to downright malicious, especially if she is being defensive about it. What does her partner think about the situation? Could he have had a name he was wanting but your sister pushed for your husband’s name instead?” Table_Scraps90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like your sister did this in spite of you honestly. It was a completely insensitive, intentional act. Does your sister have the need to always want attention or be in competition with you or be the center of attention?
Because that’s what I’m getting from this! Does her partner not see this isn’t normal? Also: I’m so sorry for your loss. Military spouse here and I’m so sorry that you never got the coming home ceremony you deserved. I’m so sorry your baby boy won’t get to meet his hero.
There are no words for this kind of pain and even though the army “prepares” you for the worst-case scenario, there’s nothing that can prepare you for the pain and loss. God bless you & your son I’ll be keeping you guys in my prayers.” bluueeey
3. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Husband When My Dad Is Destroying Their Business?
“My dad helped my husband start a business when we got engaged because he wanted me to marry someone who could provide me with the same type of life my dad gave our family.
My dad still owns half the business and the majority of my husband’s most lucrative contracts are from people my dad introduced him to or are connected with my dad indirectly.
5 months ago, my husband left me. One of his reasons was the fact that my family supposedly emasculated him at the beginning of our engagement and he could never forgive me for letting them.
I begged and pretty much threw all of my self-respect out of the window trying to convince him to come home. He did eventually come back 2 months ago after I told him I was pregnant.
The problem is that my dad hasn’t forgiven him and is now intentionally destroying the business he helped build.
My husband has tried apologising to him and has offered to buy him out but nothing has helped the situation. He wants me to speak to my dad on his behalf but I’ve refused to get involved. At first, he was being understanding but the more damage my dad has done to the business, the angrier my husband is getting at me.
He thinks I’m ruining our family’s future by refusing to get involved and I should be just as angry as him over what my dad is doing to the business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Something tells me you left out a lot of important information about why he left, and only told the part that you knew would sound the worst. If your dad insisted he started business with him because he didn’t think your husband would be able to provide for you, and your dad is now destroying that business, that tells me your dad is a giant jerk.
A childish, controlling, vindictive jerk. I don’t even have to know any more about your dad, the fact that he is still trying to destroy the business after you guys got back together speaks volumes about the content of his character. And the fact that you are letting him?
What was the point of asking your husband back if you were going to allow this to happen? You say that your child won’t suffer, which I’m assuming is because you have your family’s money to fall back on. Sounds like your husband has been constantly torpedoed from the beginning, and his comment that you just sit by and let things happen means a lot more than you’re letting on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The three of you alleged adults need to sit down and have a discussion because right now, you and your dad are the jerks 1. Your dad sucks. He basically started the whole mess by saying that your husband wouldn’t be able to provide for you.
So yes, he emasculated your husband. 2. You suck because you allowed this to happen and you did nothing. 3. You begged him to come back and then continued to allow your father to trash a business that your father allegedly started for…the both of you?
So now, what does this gain your father, you, or your husband if the business fails? What do you gain if the business fails and your husband leaves you? At this point, your father is being highly toxic and you’re letting it happen. If hubby is reading this, get away from this family.
They’re not worth your sanity.” The_Fires_Of_Orc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are just so many things that are blaring red about this. Your husband leaving only to come back when you got pregnant seems… unhealthy for your family life, at best. And your father attacking him monetarily for it makes it worse.
And even if I ignore that, I don’t get why you wouldn’t get involved. Your husband’s future is your future too – if your dad destroys his business that’s your livelihood that’s going to get tanked. That’s your child’s future stability put into jeopardy.
Honestly, this whole thing sounds like a recipe for an unhappy future – a husband who feels trapped and attacked, a wife who doesn’t stand up for her partner against her family, a FIL who hates the father of your child – all of this seems to lead down a road of future misery.
You need to really figure out what you’re doing because marriage is built on two people supporting each other, not standing idly by while your future is torn down.” bb9272-is-my-tea
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Rehome My Cat Due To My Wife's Sudden Allergies?
“I have known my wife for 7 years, married for 4, and she’s 6 months pregnant with our first child.
I have an indoor-only cat who I raised from a kitten to his current age of 16 years. My wife and I are the only people he’s been around regularly.
My wife has suddenly developed allergies to the cat. We talked with our doctor and he said sometimes this can happen.
My wife wants me to rehome my cat. I don’t want to do this – he’s old, he only knows me and my wife, he only knows our home, he’s not been around other people or animals. I think it will be very stressful for him and at this age, it might just kill him.
I offered my wife a compromise. We can stay with her parents (who live 10 minutes away and have no issues with us taking the spare bedroom) until the baby is born and then if the allergies persist for her or the baby I can look into (very carefully) finding my cat a permanent new home.
I’d check in on my cat every day.
My wife called me a huge jerk for prioritizing my cat over her and the baby’s health. I just don’t want to traumatize my cat over something that might be temporary. AITJ?
UPDATE: None of it matters anymore.
I started thinking about other options so my wife and I could stay in our home. My brother lives a few hours away and he spent a few years living with my cat when we were younger, so I called him and explained the situation.
He agreed to adopt him but he was out of town so the soonest he could come pick him up was the weekend after next.
I told my wife that we would have to keep the cat for less than 2 weeks until my brother gets here and until then she would have to use allergy tablets or stay with her parents.
She became furious and said she was not going to leave our house and the cat had to go ASAP. I told her this was the best I could do, I was not going to give my cat away to whatever random person stopped by first.
Yesterday I got home from work and I couldn’t find my cat. I asked my wife and she told me, no hesitation nothing, that she dropped him off at an animal shelter. Her words “I am pregnant and miserable and you wouldn’t get rid of him so I did.” I didn’t argue, I just asked her to tell me which shelter and drove straight there.
I didn’t see my cat in the cages in the shelter. When I showed the lady working there a picture of my cat she started apologizing. She said they put him with the other cats but later they were bringing in a large dog and they have to take dogs past the cat cages to the dog cages.
The dog jumped at my cat’s cage and barked at him, and my cat panicked and had a heart attack (her guess). He died. They gave me his body in a shoebox.
I took him home. My wife started apologizing once she saw him but I ignored her and went straight to the backyard and buried him.
I called my brother earlier today and explained what happened. He started yelling into the phone that my wife murdered my cat and I needed to reconsider my relationship. I just feel numb, I haven’t said a word to my wife, I don’t think I can even look at her.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I would seriously be reconsidering my marriage. You found a decent compromise and she completely disrespected you. She killed your cat because she couldn’t wait two weeks for an animal you’ve had for 16 years.
Absolutely zero respect. It’s horrifying how easy it was for her to drop this cat off knowing how much he meant to you. I don’t think I could look at my spouse ever again if he did that to me. You are not at fault for this.
You did everything you could, but it didn’t matter to her. Your feelings didn’t matter.” Epicpopcorn_K
Another User Comments:
“If my partner did this to me, and yes I also have a 16-year-old cat I raised from a kitten, I don’t even know what I would do.
Divorce would be the least of his worries at that point. I would never be able to get over being hurt like that by someone who is supposed to be my partner in life. You are NTJ. Two weeks was nothing, a blink of an eye, and setting aside her callous feelings toward the animal, the utter and complete lack of empathy for you… it’s monstrous.
There’s no way someone like that could convince me to spend the rest of my life with their self-absorbed rear end. Like, you look for red flags in the beginning of the relationship that might lead you to believe a person would do something like this in the future.
And now she did it, one of the things you always look out for in the beginning of the relationship as a worst-case scenario, she killed your pet. The timing is horrendous as well. It’s almost like she thought that since she is pregnant now, you won’t leave her no matter what she does to you.” Hatecookie
1. AITJ For Encouraging My Brother To Rethink His Relationship And Now He's Living In Filth?
“I (30f) have a younger brother Michael (24m) who got an apartment with his partner (22f) of 5 years a year ago.
I went to visit and before I even walked in I could hear her barking orders at him to clean this, do that, etc. After I came in and we all sat down I asked what was all that I heard. They both looked at me confused and I explained I heard her saying all that stuff to him.
She laughed it off saying “oh that’s because Micheal won’t do anything unless I act like his mother.” I was taken aback by her casually putting down my brother like that.
After we ate and she went to wash dishes I pulled him aside to ask why he just accepted the way she treats him.
At first, he tried to make excuses saying “she is just a traditional girl and she likes them having set roles and jobs in the household.” I told him “that is nonsense and relationships are supposed to be 50/50 or nothing at all.” I also told him it wasn’t okay for her to be jobless and just staying home all day is childish and they need to have a major talk.
I know he took my words to heart because a few days later I found out from my younger sister they got into multiple heated arguments for a few days after then she left.
Weeks later I thought everything was said and done till I got an angry call from my mom telling me to fix what I ruined and to go back to my brother’s place.
I went over there oh dear Lord the smell as soon as you open the door is awful. It was a mix of dirty dishes mixed with clothes on the floor and furniture, dried-up sticky marks on the carpet and tiles from stuff spilled and left there, and trash piled up near the full trash can.
He didn’t even react to me seeing all of this and just sat back down and kept playing his game. I asked him how has he been since she left and he claims he is fine except for shopping and cooking meals. I talked with him a little bit more and he seemed fine.
I left and then called my mother to say “he was fine. A complete slob but fine.” She yelled at me saying how “I shouldn’t have gotten involved because now he has nobody to take care of him and he doesn’t have the drive to do it himself outside of basic needs.” I told her “it’s not my fault she failed as a mom to teach him how to take care of himself and he is a grown man he gets to decide how he wants to live.” I hung up and I’ve been receiving calls and texts from her and a few other family members saying how I shouldn’t have interfered. Yesterday my fiance told me his friend who also lives in the same apartment complex talked to the landlord and he is thinking about kicking him out due to the indecent smell coming from his place (he hasn’t seen the inside) and he isn’t allowed to stay with us if he gets kicked.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your mom’s the jerk for babying your brother & making him believe that he needs a woman to take care of him. If anything, it sounds like maybe you were a little too hard on the partner. Have you ever been with a man who expects you to mother him?
It’s infuriating. So maybe tell your bro that you misjudged the situation and now that you see what a useless slob he is, you think his ex was probably justified in the way she was speaking to him. And maybe encourage him to apologize.
But tell him not to get back together with her – even if she’s willing – if he’s going to expect her to care for him like a child. Because that’s not fair to her.” meghanmagpie
Another User Comments:
“You intended well but all is not well.
Such are good intentions gone awry. But I will say – your brother sucks for not knowing how to be an adult. It’s very well possible that your mother never taught him. But there are YouTube videos for pretty much every single household chore.
How hard is it to do dishes? Or laundry? I’ve met guys who are 18 who grew up with domestic help (different countries) and figured out how to do both. Is it possible your brother is irredeemable? Your brother should consider hiring someone to come and clean a couple of times a week.” Easy-Concentrate2636
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…Here’s why, you know Michael as your brother…she knows him as a man…you opened your mouth because you feel she was disrespectful but she wasn’t. He needed what she had to give and likewise…You have to learn just because something doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for others…you stepped in where you shouldn’t have.
1st thing you did when you went to visit was question them and then you judged them and found her lacking…never did it occur to you that she is exactly what Michael needed…their plans are none of your business. It isn’t for you to say what is good for him or not…you can’t do for him what she does…so back off being judgmental and all righteous.
You have no room to talk about anyone as Michael can’t come live with you if he gets put out so how did you help him?
Your mom is right…go and apologize to his partner and offer to be a better SIL if given the chance.
Also, you apologize to your mother ASAP…NOT ONLY WERE YOU OUT OF LINE AND DISRESPECTFUL BUT YOU WERE HURTFUL UNNECESSARILY. You must not have enough going on in your own life that you feel you can judge the world and give lip to your mom…shameful is your conduct and you need to fix it, immediately.
In the future keep in mind everybody might not be mentally on your level and move to a different beat and that’s ok…also do not be disrespectful to your mom again, it is displeasing to God and can cost you a shorter life. Do better and be better.
I hope when I see this thread again you have humbled yourself to right your wrongs and have found grace.” HumbleBasis3603
