People Talk To Us About Their Relatable "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue Paying For My Husband's Sister's Education?
“My (33f) husband Luke (33m) funded his sister Julia’s (24f) education, undergraduate and graduate, for six years and she recently graduated with her Master’s Degree. I met Luke when Julia was a freshman so I was aware that he offered to pay her schooling for 6 years, that was their deal. Luke started his adulthood with a lot of debt from school and didn’t want Julia to go through any of that, he only wanted her to focus on getting an education.
His business was successful so he paid for her tuition, apartment, car note, food, and other expenses (gas money, phone bill, clothing allowance, etc). He has spent close to $300,000 in 6 years.
Luke and I run our businesses together and we combined finances after getting married, his business generates 10-15% more revenue than mine.
Four months ago we had a discussion with Julia and asked her what her plans were regarding her future after school, she said she wanted to stay near her friends so Luke helped her secure a position where the starting salary was in the low six-figure range.
We decided that we would give her a rental property so that she would not pay rent, she would only be responsible for the utilities.
Six weeks ago Julia’s plans changed. She quit her job and told us that she wants to continue her education in the UK – a second Master’s Degree and her Ph.D.
after. She’s expecting us to pay for it. Luke discussed it with me and I told him that she should take out a loan. He paid for 6 years of schooling, pulled strings to get her into her career of choice, and we gave her a free place to stay.
I don’t think it’s fair that we pay another $200-300,000 for Julia to avoid working and not deal with responsibilities. Luke agrees but he’s a bit of a pushover. I reminded Luke that we have shared finances and my business brings in almost just as much as his, therefore I also have a say in this.
Julia has been complaining to her parents and all of our relatives that I am denying her a chance to ‘succeed in life.’ Luke’s aunt says that it’s only fair that we continue paying for her to attend university since Luke was the one who offered her a debt-free education.
AITJ for putting my foot down and not allowing my husband to continue paying his sister’s education since I bring in half of our income?”
Another User Comments:
“Separate your money IMMEDIATELY. NTJ, but it sounds like your husband can be convinced to make bad financial decisions that serve others but hurt him.
He already fulfilled his promise and she is shaking him down for more. That’s just wrong. But it is up to him if he wants to tank himself, just so she can turn around in 4 more years and put her hand out. I assume she expects him to pay for her food and all expenses in the UK, too?
You need to move your assets immediately before he does something really stupid that commits you to pay off his debts, while his sister tells everyone how selfish you both are.” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by any means.
Julia should be grateful she was given an opportunity many people would kill for, especially if you’re in the US.
I’m not sure why she feels entitled to having her entire life financed by your husband as long as she manages to stay in school but the deal was 6 years, and truthfully he paid for a lot more for her than he needed to in order keep her out of debt.
I’d make it VERY clear that this is a boundary you will not allow to be crossed. He should be making it clear it’s a no from the both of you, not just you. Finances are shared now and their deal is over, she’s not entitled to what you both work for.
Especially after she gave up what is quite literally a great start to adulthood handed to her on a silver platter.
It’s clear she doesn’t respect you and has been spoiled a bit too much by her striking lack of gratitude, why would you fund someone like that?” B*****************3
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Mom?
“My brother got married a few months ago.
His stepson – my nephew – turned 11 last weekend and they threw a small party at their house.
My mom and I (27M) haven’t been in each other’s lives since last year. To summarize: my ex had an affair, and her baby turned out to be someone else’s kid.
My mom knew the whole thing, even about me possibly not being the father because my ex confessed to her but never told me. So now we don’t talk anymore. She’s left me alone and my family keeps us separate, as in for special occasions either she goes or I do.
Or one of us leaves before the other arrives so we don’t see each other.
I’ve been with my current partner for months and we barely found out a few weeks ago she’s pregnant. It’s a surprise to us because we were trying to be careful but happy nonetheless.
That info slipped to my mom so then it was constant bugging to be back in my life again because she wants to know her future grandchild. However, I made my stance clear – nothing’s changed.
I don’t know if my brother planned this or not, he swears he didn’t.
My mom went to my nephew’s party first and then left by 4 so my partner and I went there after. Not even an hour later my brother told me she called and said she was coming back so we could talk. He told me she barely dropped the news on him right now.
So we decided to leave because that’s the last thing I wanted.
He urged me to stay though because it’s a big deal for my nephew especially since it’s his first birthday with us being officially family (because they got married recently). I love my nephew but dealing with my mom right now is the last thing I want and my partner was supportive of that.
Before I left I did give my nephew his gift and told him how we love him but something came up. Wished him a happy birthday again then we left before she got there.
My brother is mostly annoyed for us leaving early since my nephew was happy we were there and I couldn’t ‘s*****t up’ for a few hours to be around my mom just so his son could have everyone in the family around.
The reason I’m asking if I’m a jerk is because it’s true it was my nephew’s day, at the same time seeing my mom wasn’t something that should’ve happened at a birthday party. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the jerk for trying to confront you at a children’s party.
That just takes the attention away from the birthday boy. You did the right thing by leaving, but I suggest arranging a special event with your nephew to make up for your leaving early.
Your mom is going to keep pushing. At this point, you need to pick neutral ground and meet up so she doesn’t surprise you elsewhere.” soundslikemahnamahna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and how would it have been a good day for your nephew if you and your mother were fighting during it? I don’t think your brother thought it through. It seems to me your mother is only wanting back in your life for the grandchild and frankly, it seems she lied about your ex just to have that ‘grandchild’.
I think you did the right thing in leaving. Whether or not you ever talk with your mother it has to be on your own terms or it is pointless.” GingerMinx6
See I am stubborn and the more people tell me I should or will do something the more I kick back and refuse to even consider what they are suggesting... she broke your trust in a massive way and expects you to forgive just because she birthed you...NO IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY
23. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To See A Therapist?
“My friend and I recently had a falling out. My friend, Megan, is a beautiful woman but she has always had self-esteem issues and tends to take them out on her relationships both platonic and romantic-wise.
Back in high school and college if we would go out she would tell us what to wear and what not to wear and if someone wore something she didn’t like she would not go because she felt like an ‘ugly’ friend. Romance-wise she tends to be extremely controlling and no one can talk to her at the time about men because she’ll think they’re trying to ‘steal him from her.’
It’s been like that since I’ve known her and it has ended up with her losing a lot of friends and partners. I understand being insecure we’ve all been there so I tried to be there for her but last night I couldn’t take it anymore.
Meg has been going out with a guy for almost 2 months but nothing official, according to her yesterday they went out to eat and the guy wouldn’t stop staring at the waitress and left her ‘too big a tip.’ Then according to Meg she officially broke things off because she noticed when they were back at his place he hadn’t deleted his social media like she asked him to.
Last night she came to my apartment crying because she was never going to find someone to respect her or her boundaries. I tried consoling her and trying to see her pov then I suggested therapy.
When I did I did not mean it to come off as me pushing her away rather as a friend but she thought I was minimizing her insecurities and not caring about her.
I told her because I cared about her I wanted her to get help because it was starting to be too much for her then she asked me what I meant so I reminded her of all the friendships, partners, and events she lost because of her insecurities.
I told her we all have insecurities but it is up to us to fix them and there’s a difference between being insecure and controlling so if she didn’t fix it she had no one else to blame except for her annoying insecurities.
She told me off and left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend will not find a healthy relationship because the ‘boundaries’ that she’s trying to put into place are not healthy. She might find a relationship but it won’t be a healthy one.
Anyone who agrees to these boundaries is going to have insecurities of their own.
She needs to be a healthy individual before she can be in a healthy relationship. The kindest thing you could have done was to tell her to go to therapy. And frankly, I’m shocked you’ve been able to tolerate this insanity for this long.” BDizzMcNizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s going to keep having the same relationship problems until she develops some self-awareness and changes the way that she treats other people. Emotional pain is no justification for mistreating others. While she wasn’t ready to accept this, she needed to hear it from you.
It’s going to be very hard for her to change this about herself, but she can do it, and you pushed her in the right direction by giving her a reality check. Pretending to agree with someone’s harmful worldview only delays their progress.” Right_Said_Offred
The next time she b*****s at you about her situation, tell her to start thinking about why all her relationships end up the same, and what is the common denominator? She is. And until she changes, nothing in her life will turn out the way she wants it. Good luck.
22. AITJ For Having My Partner Stay At My House During Girl's Night?
“I (32F) regularly have my friends round for drinks. I’ve been seeing John (35M) for under a year. Since then, my time has been divided between hanging out with him and my friends. One friend, Sarah (31F), doesn’t seem to like John for no reason other than I sometimes spend time with him and am unable to hang out with her.
Sarah has perpetual bad luck with men and confides herself with her friends whenever she is single. That’s not a bad thing but she doesn’t understand that people have other priorities.
This weekend, the girls were at mine. We usually hang out in my kitchen.
John called and told me there was a power cut on his street and that it wouldn’t be resolved until the next day. He asked if it was ok if he spent the evening at mine. He had some work to do on his laptop.
He also wanted to watch the big football game that was on. He promised to stay out of our way because he knew I was spending time with my friends.
He came over and I saw him a total of three times. Once when he arrived. Once when he had to use the toilet.
And once when he said goodbye. Other than that, he spent the whole night in the living room with the door shut, on his laptop, and watching the game.
When I told the girls he was coming, they were okay with it but I could tell Sarah was annoyed. Her mood changed for the rest of the night.
She made some quips about not being able to get time away to hang out but I ignored them because I didn’t want to have a bad evening.
The next day, we were discussing when we were getting together next. Sarah kept saying things like, ‘Is John gonna be there again?’ I asked her what her deal was and she went off about never being able to have time for just us girls and why John always has to be there when we hang out.
I told her that’s not true. Yes, sometimes I hang out with both John and my friends at the same time because I want my friends and my partner to get along. But we have plenty of girl’s nights when he is not around that she seems to forget about.
I asked her what was I supposed to do when he texted me and she said I should have said we were having a girl’s night and he couldn’t come over. I said I wasn’t going to do that to him when he was in the middle of an emergency and he didn’t interfere with our night.
I told her it seemed like she would be happy if I just never saw John and all of us could just hang out with her whenever she wanted. I told her it wasn’t possible and that people need to split their time with all the people they love.
I told her we weren’t 18 anymore when we just hung out with each other all the time and it was time she grew up. She called me a jerk who chose a boy over a friend and doesn’t seem to be talking to me now.
Most of my friends see my side of it and had no problem with John being there that night but said I should have gone a bit easier on Sarah because ‘you know how she gets.’ But I said I don’t feel like giving in every time she throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Big NTJ. You helped your partner with an emergency. Good thing too because had you not, that could’ve had a severe effect on the future of your relationship, causing him to not trust you in his times of need. Also big props to you for standing your ground with your friend and not continuing to enable her and her toxic habits!” Defnotbree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am quite puzzled by her accusation of you ‘choosing a boy over a friend’. First of all, you actually did not. And second of all, what kind of high school mumbo jumbo is that? Is she still wearing a friendship bracelet and thinking things will never change?
Guess what. It does. It is called life. Throughout the phases in our lives, it changes all the time how much time, energy, money, etc. we can put into our friendships. It goes up and down. But true friends find their way through that. She better grow up!” -Pippi-
I think you handled Sarah beautifully. And to your friends who are telling you to ignore her bad behaviour because "you know how she gets", tell them that yes, you're fully aware of just "how she gets" and you're sick and tired of dealing with it and you won't anymore. Either Sarah gets her head out of her @*$ and acts like an adult where John is concerned, or she can spend her time elsewhere. Enough already. Time for her to grow up.
21. AITJ For Wanting One Of My Roommates To Pay More Of The Heating Bill?
“So a new person has recently moved into a flatshare with my friend and me (so three of us in total, and for reference, we are in London).
Our landlord picked her out, so we didn’t get to meet her beforehand.
She’s really, really nice, but since she moved in a couple of weeks ago, we’ve noticed she’s been really banging the heating on all the time (and it’s really not cold – it’s still around 15-20c in London).
She cranks the thermostat up to 30c and leaves it on for most of the day. When we notice, we’ll turn it off, and we’ve obviously turned off the radiators in our bedrooms, but it’s definitely going to have an effect on our bills (which we’re already expecting to go up quite a lot, like the rest of the UK next month).
Anyway, yesterday we sat her down for a chat to talk about the heating. We told her that we tend to just have the heating on for an hour or so in the morning (it’s usually on a timer, she’s been switching it to ‘on’ so it just stays on), and then a few hours in the evening, and that we generally wouldn’t turn it on until mid-October/November anyway because September really isn’t that cold in the UK, especially not in London.
She said that she feels really cold and needs to live in a place that’s warm, because she’s from a very warm country, and she’s not used to cold weather (she just moved to the UK in July). I do understand that, but we explained the problem with how much it’s going to cost and the fact that neither I nor my flatmate uses the heating that much.
It’s actually been pretty uncomfortably warm for us since she’s been cranking it up so high.
We weren’t able to find a compromise, so eventually we said that if she wants it on all the time, she’s going to have to bear the brunt of the costs, as it’s not really fair for us to pay to keep the house at a tropical temperature.
Are we being jerks? It’s a tough one but I’m not sure how else to fix it/how to solve the situation. For reference, bills aren’t included in the rent, we pay those separately, split between the three of us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but the solution isn’t to wack on the heating and make her pay, it’s to make her wear a jumper.
Especially coming from another country she might not be aware of the current UK energy crisis, I mean, has she even paid a bill for heating yet? That’ll make her turn off her radiator in no time. If she’s unwilling then I think your solutions are OK.” teh_stev3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re spot on. Look at the average of your heating bills last few months then look at the difference on the next bill. (Usage-wise cos it’ll be higher regardless) She’s the changed variable so she pays for the usage disparity. If she refuses, report her to the landlord for creating a bad living situation.” Haughtscot
20. AITJ For Not Hiring My Wife?
“I recently became the general manager of two small family-owned restaurants. I bounce between the two equally. My wife so far has been happy staying at home with our kids and has expressed not wanting to work. Tonight I was talking to her about scheduling and hiring new people to fill my staff.
She said, ‘Well why not hire me?’ I told her it’s honestly not a great idea. I’m more than open-minded for her to get a job but I make more than enough to support us, and I’d love for her to find a job she enjoys.
I gave her the following reasons as to why it’s not a great idea
1: I’ve had couples work for me before and it never ended well. It put a lot of tension on them as well as the staff.
2: My staff is still getting used to me, they are being very testing as we work stuff out and I have a couple of bad apples that I need to go.
I’m worried it will be worse if they find out I hired my wife as a cook.
3: Even if I didn’t favor my wife I’m not sure I could be 100% fair and I think the other staff will feel like I favor my wife over them.
My wife told me I could be fair and then told me that we could even keep it a secret that we are married and got mad that I said that’s an awful idea. If they find out we are married later on it will blow up.
I have offered to get her in at other places and to talk to some of my connections if she wants a job, I could get her in some really great places. She wasn’t happy with this and she said I was being unfair and that I just didn’t want her to work with me.
I feel bad now… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are being very smart about this. 9 times out of 10, it’s a terrible idea to work with your partner – for all the reasons you listed and because it completely screws up the separation between work life and home life – and it’s an even worse idea when one partner is in a supervisory role over the other.
Are you on good enough terms with the owners that you can ask them to set a policy about this without it biting you in the butt later? Basic boilerplate anti-nepotism language should get you out of this conversation.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re completely right here. Your wife, while having the best of intentions, doesn’t have the perspective that you have as a GM.
You know that this is a bad idea. She doesn’t.
Hopefully, you’re able to help her to understand so her feelings aren’t hurt, but both of these things – her understanding and her feelings – are outside of your control.” Certain-Thing5082
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate After She Got A Dog?
“I (22F) am in my last year of college and I had the privilege of getting an apartment from my grandparents/parents for having attended a prestigious college (advantages of being the only granddaughter/daughter of the family).
My apartment has 3bd/2ba, a suite, 2 normal bedrooms, and a guest bathroom. I use one of the regular rooms as a study/work area and the bedroom suite, so I have a spare room.
A friend of mine, I’ll call Lena (21F), was desperately trying to find somewhere to live, preferably close to the university (same as mine), but wasn’t finding it because it was absurdly expensive and most places were full (at that time of the year), the owner of her former place did not want to renew the lease and gave the girls 30 days to move out.
I can cover my personal expenses with my work (freelance) and my parents’ help with some things.
I offered her the spare room and I just asked her to help pay for i************r (giving a much lower price than other places). She accepted.
She’s been living with me for 6 months and we’ve never had a serious disagreement, so it was pretty easy to have her as a roommate.
Until two weeks ago.
Lena knows I have a dog allergy (mild allergy).
I came back from my class and found a 6/7 month-old puppy walking around the house and Lena was all happy, saying she wanted to surprise me and his name was Bruno.
I wasn’t extremely happy, she noticed and I explained that I had an allergy, but she managed to convince me that it was a mild allergy and it wouldn’t be a problem, so I gave in.
Well… these days were horrible. Bruno looks like he’s fallen in love with me and cries all night to sleep with me and there’s fur all over the house (Lena cleans it, but still has it), so I’m having to take medication every day to keep from sneezing and having a stuffy nose.
I had my limit when my allergy got really bad in one day and I couldn’t sleep.
I sat down to talk to Lena and asked if she would give Bruno to someone she knew or relatives so she wouldn’t stay here because I couldn’t take it.
She said no, so I kindly told her to move, as I didn’t want a dog.
She was extremely angry, saying that she also has a voice in the house, because it helps and that it doesn’t hurt to take medicine if my allergy is mild.
I reiterated telling her to move and said that even though she helps, the house is still mine and I don’t want to.
She’s in the process of moving out, but she’s telling friends that I kicked her out because of a dog.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She should have checked with you first and no one with an allergy should be forced to live with that animal.
Well, you have kicked her out because she got the dog – and when she phrases it that way she looks like the victim.
If anyone comments about it just tell them the truth – You are allergic to dogs and she got the animal without any discussion or thought about you. If they want to take her side then let them – maybe they will be willing to deal with her and her dog.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She should never have brought the dog in without checking with you in the first place. Adopting a pet is a big responsibility, that you did not sign up for so for that alone she is the jerk, but she absolutely has no right to force you to keep an animal that’s causing you health problems in your own home.
Maybe she didn’t know you were allergic, but that’s definitely something she should have found out first no matter what.” BlackestKnight92
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Partner And His Friend?
“I (25F) moved in with my partner (30m) to help him out financially. He got stuck outside of his home country, and I was well-established. One month he asked me to help with bills, and I did.
The next month, I proposed to move in together since I couldn’t afford to cover my bills and part of his. He didn’t want to leave his friend (32M) with whom he shared an apartment. So, I agreed to move in with them (big mistake!).
Anyway, I moved to the smaller room without an ensuite bathroom with my partner. And the friend was in the bigger one with a bathroom inside. At first, I thought my partner and I would be sharing bills in half. So we both paid half of the rent, his friend the other half, and electricity, and water three ways.
However, the friend asked if I could pay 1/3 of the rent and that in the US it was standard.
I didn’t know if it was standard, but neither of them was working and it wasn’t a burden for me. It was about the same as I was paying for my own apartment before, so I agreed. I did state that once the rent period at that apartment was up, we would move so my partner and I could have a bigger room with a bathroom inside.
They both agreed like yeah yeah.
Once the rent was up, they started looking for apartments. We found a house we liked, but it struck me as odd. The house, although bigger, also had one room with an ensuite and one bathroom outside. I thought, oh, the friend will take the smaller room this time.
As you can guess, the friend refused to take the smaller room. I asked my partner about it, and he was like oh I don’t know, let me ask. Well, the friend lost it, saying he wasn’t gonna take no smaller room, that no way he was going to share his bathroom with guests, and that it was just not happening.
I pointed out our previous agreement (which he said I never proposed or he accepted). I explained that first, we had lived in the smaller room (2 people) and that switching for fairness wasn’t enough reason. We paid for a more uncomfortable space 2/3 of the rent.
Lastly, the guests (friends of my partner and friend) tended to pee on the toilet seat where I was supposed to sit. And that’s unhygienic and disgusting. I don’t want to come back from work to have to clean the mess of someone who can’t aim.
The friend then started gaslighting me and being rude. I said that I wasn’t moving with them. For not only the attitude to address this situation but also the disregard for the financial help I was providing and my concerns. Then he called me a jerk, because he had already paid the deposit, and signed the contract (without informing me).
That they were stuck in a place they couldn’t afford.
So, is that some sort of American standard, no matter the space you get, you pay rent equally? And I am the jerk for refusing to move in with them, after I had said yes, causing them to not be able to afford the new place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t entitled to help other people and it’s only fair for you to get the master bedroom as you would be 2 people, not just 1.
Second, no that’s not how you would traditionally split bills. The person with the master room pays a little more for rent, but it’s roughly a 50/50 split and then you would split utilities equally.
So it would be roughly 60% rent for the master bedroom, 33% utilities each, and 40% rent for the single bedroom. It doesn’t matter how many people live in the room as long as everyone agrees to the living conditions.” ironentropy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Oh, girl. Run.
Please.
It differs based on the situation. Some people pay proportional to their salaries. So, if for example, your partner makes $30k a year, and you make $60k, then you agree to split it so that you pay 2/3 of the bills and rent, while the partner pays 1/3.
This is usually only when it’s romantic partners, not partner plus a friend.
The other standard is to pay by square footage. So if your room is 40% of the personal space (kitchen, living room, and non-private bathroom don’t count), then you and your partner should only pay for 40% of the rent and utilities.
This means YOU should only pay 20% since you are splitting that room with your partner.
But seriously, run. Because even if some people agree to split things evenly three ways, it’s not standard to sign before getting your roommates’ approval.
He signed it, he’s stuck with it.
Also, your partner is a huge problem. How long do you intend to support 2 fully grown men? Even if it’s just a little here and there? You have subsidized their lives by letting the jerk friend have the biggest room with the ensuite while he isn’t paying for it.
Meanwhile, you’re paying your rent, and some of their bills, and not being allowed to get the bigger room that was agreed on.
Your partner doesn’t have your back. He has his BFF’s. I don’t know if your partner is a jerk or is just easily led and being convinced by the ‘friends before girls’ argument.
Either way, find an apartment that you love and can afford on your own. If your partner decides to follow you, make sure to put some bills in his name, so he can’t cry poor later. He needs to be responsible for them and deal with the fallout if he doesn’t.” NotSoAverage_sister
17. AITJ For Threatening To File A Restraining Order Against My Mom's Husband?
“I (F 19) have never gotten along with my mom’s husband.
It was always the typical angsty teen hating her stepdad type of relationship.
He was horrifically emotionally manipulative to my mom, little siblings, and me. He would tell my mom she was ugly and she was lucky to be with him. He called my sister and me awful names for wearing bikinis to the beach. He put cameras in the house and would listen in on conversations we would have.
He consistently took our phones and journals, then read our private messages to our friends out loud to the entire family.
At some point, my mom sent us to live with our biological father. She claims that it was an accident and she didn’t actually mean for us to move in with him, but since being here, my siblings and I have realized how terrible that environment was for us.
I was around 17 here. Bear with me – I can’t share everything that happened here so it might sound a little dramatic – but even seeing a picture of my mom’s husband makes me nauseous now.
For the past 2 years, I’ve refused to be in his presence.
I made it very clear that I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him, and I want him to leave me alone. The problem is, he doesn’t respect this in the slightest. He gets off work early when I’m meeting with my mom at their house so he can see me, he tells her to pass messages on to me when I don’t answer him, and he even came TO MY BIOLOGICAL DAD’S HOUSE to drop off a birthday gift for me last year.
I feel like I’m the only one who sees the problem here. I told him that I didn’t want him in my life anymore, but he kept pushing. To me, that’s harassment, especially now that I’m an adult. But to everyone else, it’s the poor father who misses his daughter.
My mom calls me crying saying I ruined his dream of being a dad (which isn’t true – he has his own child who he lost custody of a year ago). I understand that I lived with him for 6 years, but that doesn’t give him a right to my life.
Keep in mind that through those 6 years, he wasn’t even like a replacement for my bio dad since my bio dad lived 5 minutes down the road from us when we lived with our mom.
The other day, my mom told me that her husband went to my work and wanted to say hi to me.
She was proud that he respected my boundaries. I was already on edge since I had just finished a therapy session, so I snapped and told her that if he attempted to contact me again I’d file a restraining order. She freaked out, called me crazy, and said that it was completely irrational and uncalled for.
I’ve been on the fence about this for the past two years but I only talk to people who defend him. Am I really the one hurting him? AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the problem isn’t just your mom’s husband, it’s your mom.
She’s not listening to you – only him. You may not be able to get a restraining order, but you can file for trespass if he shows up at your home. Do not meet your mom at her house any longer, if you do at all.
Tell her it feels unsafe and that he’s a creep. Write him a letter telling him exactly what you told us, that you want no further contact. Send it by registered mail, so you know he received it. This may help you build up a case for harassment.
It sounds like there’s a lot more to the story, but I understand that just because he tormented you for 6 years doesn’t mean he has any claim to further contact. Tell your mom that. Start documenting everything. Talk to your therapist about this too. And tell your mom under no uncertain terms – you don’t want to see him anymore and prepare to go low/no contact if it continues.
I’m so sorry they can’t let it go.” User
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother And His Family To Move In With Our Mom?
“My (45F) mother (76F) is a very simple person, my father abandoned us when the youngest was 6 months old and my mother was never the same mentally.
I have a good financial condition, I try to help as much as I can with the groceries/bills, but it is very complicated because my mother refuses to come to live with me and remains in the terrible house that my father gave her in the divorce.
My brother, my SIL, and their three children (13M, 9M, and 5F) live in the house at the back. And the house was tiny with a big yard, my brother built his house in the back and made the house even smaller. And he used my mom as a free babysitter to take care of the kids he had, not to mention the dogs he adopted and never paid for their food (and several times their children went to eat at my mother’s house).
Keep in mind that my mother receives a low salary in retirement that is only really enough for her to support herself.
I’ve been saving money for more than a decade to buy her a house and I finally got it. It is a simple house with 1be/ba with a big yard with a garden perfect for her.
I talked to her and she agreed with me that it would be better for the house to be in my name because I know my brother and what he is capable of at any given opportunity. But it would have a lifetime usufruct clause for her only.
I warned her that I didn’t want my brother to move in with her, but in return, she wouldn’t have to worry about bills and food anymore, as I would help. She looked relieved.
I told my brother at her request (she was next to me) and he said it would be difficult to accommodate everyone, but that eventually he would help expand the house to house everyone.
I saw the despair on my mother’s face, so I just made it very clear that the house was for my mother and not for them.
He started to say yes, but he could help with the bills or food and that his and his mother’s house was too bad for a family of 5.
I said no, our mother accepted the gift knowing that he wouldn’t live there and that due to their history, I wouldn’t trust him to pay the bills (he doesn’t pay my mother) and I wouldn’t be paying for 5 people.
He started calling me selfish and that it was a jerk move to give a gift on condition, knowing how bad my mom’s house is and that she obviously had no other option to accept.
He said I was purposely harming him and posing him as a monster he is not.
My mom is more relieved to get out of the house, but my brother is calling me a jerk even more because the house is in my name.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, if you haven’t already, you should consider consulting an attorney to have a plan to enforce keeping your brother out of your mother’s house – I should say your house, because you’re the owner, fortunately. That way, if he tries to step over the line and invade her space (your property), you can take action.
And make sure you let him know you have consulted a lawyer and there will be consequences if he does anything improper.” ProfEmerita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they are not going to properly take care of your mother, and you are the one footing the bill to do so, then you have every right to protect her and yourself.
This is exactly what your stipulations are for. Not for anything malicious.
Freeloaders and gaslighters are the best at turning good deeds into ‘harmful and manipulative’ actions because it doesn’t suit THEM. If they have a problem with supporting themselves, it’s time for them to figure it out.
They’ve gotten 2 decades of extra help under their belt, you don’t owe them anything else.” KarmaKoncept
Gods bless you for looking out for your mom, and good luck.
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host My Partner's Family Again?
“I (23f) and my partner (31m) have lived together for two years. Last year we hosted a huge Thanksgiving dinner at our house and his parents, his sister, and her three children came. Her two youngest children were 5 and 2 years old at the time. We had just finished furnishing our house with a brand new sectional, dining table and chairs, and a ten-piece outdoor furniture set for our deck.
During dinner, I sat next to my partner’s mom and sister who was holding the youngest child. I watched as they let the child rub cranberry sauce all over my brand-new cream-colored dining chairs. They said nothing and did nothing to stop it. My friends who were there said they could see the steam coming out of my ears.
It was my first holiday with his family and I didn’t want to lose my temper in front of everyone. So I waited until they left the table and started scrubbing the chairs trying to get the stains out (some of which are still there a year later).
They never apologized to me for letting their children trash my house and this wasn’t the first time they’d done it. They had come over a couple of months before this and smeared melted chocolate all over my cream-colored cushions on my brand-new outdoor furniture.
Again, while their parents sat there and watched.
A couple of days after Thanksgiving I mentioned all of this to my partner and he agreed that it was rude, but said it was ultimately my decision if I wanted to continue inviting them over. It’s been a year now and I haven’t invited them over since, and his mother has started dropping hints about getting together at our house again but I know if I invite his parents over they’ll want to invite the sister.
Next week I am hosting Thanksgiving again, but only inviting my family. Am I the jerk for not wanting my partner’s feral nieces to destroy my home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it seems really weird that you felt like your only two options were staying silent and losing your temper.
Could you not like… just talk? ‘Um, excuse me, could you please keep the kids from ruining my chairs?!’ Obviously, you shouldn’t have to say that, but apparently, you did. You did the same thing the parents did! Sat there and watched.” Fuzzy-Constant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should be angry about the position your partner is putting you in, not just that your property was damaged. Your partner needs to handle his sister. This is a home that you and he share. He should be handling his family. He should have said something to his sister the first time it happened.
By telling you it’s ultimately your decision removes any responsibility or blowback for him. You become the bad guy. Meanwhile, your partner agrees his sister was rude. You’re both of the same opinion, but he’s going to leave all the fallout for you.” Abject_Researcher_12
Just say no.
14. AITJ For Not Planning On Forgiving My Ex's Friends?
“Just over 10 years ago I (37F) divorced Ex (37M).
Background on divorce. I knew he was having an affair but had no evidence, so I played dumb waiting for him to slip up. I guess she got tired of waiting for him to leave me and left me a surprise.
However, it was his dog who found and brought me her undergarments. No kids or shared property and fairly close incomes, so two months and no alimony. A week before I moved out she dumped him cuz he was pressuring her to get a job and she discovered that he had been lying about finances to get her into bed. He had also been lying to all of our friends about how I was treating him so that they would help cover it up.
So recently I ran into an old ‘Friend’ (‘F’) who asked me what would it take for me to take Ex back. I said video apologies from everyone apologizing for aiding in the coverup, for believing the lies Ex told about me, what the specific lies he told them were, and what the truth about me was.
‘F’ said what I was asking for was impossible. I said ‘Well yeah, that’s the point. Now I don’t have to deal with any fake friends who didn’t bother to get my side of the story back then or in the time since’.
‘F’ said I shouldn’t be bringing others into my relationship and leave the past in the past. I pointed out that Ex brought others into our relationship not me and they, including ‘F’, hated me and wanted me gone based on lies. Also, my marriage was in the past and that is exactly where I intended to leave it.
‘F’ got quiet, finally said I was a jerk, and left.
After some time I started to wonder if ‘F’ was right. Maybe they were trying to find a way to right a wrong from the past and I wasn’t giving them the opportunity to even apologize.
But honestly, I don’t care about their apologies. Even if they miraculously got the videos together I’d just laugh and say ‘Sucks being lied to, huh’.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
These so-called ‘friends’ not only chose to believe lies about you (and helped spread those lies) they took the extra step of helping your lying ex hide his affair.
They knew they were wrong for doing that, no matter if they believed you were mean, etc. (A true friend says: ‘Divorce OP if she is treating you poorly. Then you can be with Lady Y with no entanglements.’) They chose not to do that.
So you have no reason to accept their apologies or regrets.
Good for you for not letting F get absolution for being a jerk.” Electronic-Cat-4478
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They asked a ridiculous, invasive question that isn’t any of their business. The answer you gave was the equivalent of ‘when pigs fly out of my butt’ which is completely reasonable under the circumstances.
You don’t owe anyone any more answer than that. Next time you might as well just tell them there’s nothing your ex or his friends can ever do to repair the damage they did to the relationship. They all made garbage choices, and they need to butt out of your life.” Creatureteacher86150
So basically F is telling you 10YRS later that they now realise they messed up and that you were the best thing to happen to EX and that they want you to take him back to improve HIS LIFE and by extension theirs... NAHH not happening lovers
13. AITJ For Going To My Dream School Even Though My Best Friend Didn't Get In?
“I met my best friend through a musical theatre youth group in our early teens. We were inseparable from the beginning, as we were the only people in our age group there and we both loved performing.
Last year, however, something changed when we were applying for university. I’m not sure how the selection process goes for more academic units, but for us, it meant weeks of learning songs and dances and scripts and going to heaps of auditions (two on average for each school) however, I was finding more success than my best friend.
I got called back for all but two programs I applied for, but she was only called back for a few, and she was feeling a bit bitter about it, that much was clear.
This was only amplified when we found out I was accepted to our dream uni, and she was not.
She asked me to turn it down, but I said no. This was what I had wanted basically since starting theatre. She got mad at me then, and cut me off, which hurt, I won’t lie. She was my best friend and I thought she would have been happy for me.
We hadn’t spoken until a few weeks ago when she called me out of the blue, asking if we could meet up. We did, and she was just like she was when we left each other, calling me selfish for doing what I thought was following my dreams, and telling me that it’s not too late to quit, seeing as I’m not that good anyway and will never get a job in the industry.
But she got me thinking, and maybe she’s right. We were friends for years, and I feel bad for leaving her and it feels like there are more talented people in my classes quite often. But all the same, I’m happy studying what I study, I have friends and I’m following my passion.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t you dare give up that chance! Do not let her get in your head about not being good enough, you are great and amazing hence, the offer. Shame on her for making you feel selfish for going to a dream school.
It stinks, once you start making moves and doing things for yourself, you realize who is true and who is a hater. Cut her off, not healthy! You know the old saying, misery loves company! Good luck to you and congratulations! This is a happy time!” Lazy_Top5403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s not your fault that she didn’t get in and if you turn this down on her account you’ll regret it, particularly when the time comes that you grow apart for some other reason. Pursue your dream! You’ll make new friends!
When she finally gets over herself you might even mend this friendship but do not let it hold you back! Hopefully, she’ll come around and show support for you when she figures out her own path.” gingerbread85
12. AITJ For Not Going To The Graduation Party My Ex-Mother-In-Law Organized For Me?
“I broke up with my ex and his mommy has been trying all her tricks to try to get us back together.
Since then, I’ve told both his parents that I’m not comfortable with the idea of being friends and need some space and time.
So I’m graduating college at the end of this semester, and I’m really excited because of what this will mean for my military career, and beyond.
I have been trying to set up a small gathering for myself and my immediate family and really close friends at my favorite restaurant that isn’t far from where commencement is happening. Ex-MIL was mad when she found out that I wasn’t going to have a party that she could attend.
She said that she felt ‘betrayed and hurt because she’s been a part of my college education since the start of it.’ She made a big deal out of us not having a relationship anymore ‘just because I’m afraid to talk about (her son)’.
I pointed out that I’ve not even mentioned him since and she’s always the first one to say something.
Fast forward a week of drama and I’m sitting in my lab taking my last midterm. It was taken online so I had my phone on and was watching artistic coffee videos.
I was expecting one of my friends to text me, so I waited, and when my phone buzzed I opened it. It was my ex-mother-in-law telling me about dates and times for a graduation party. I was confused and asked her who was graduating. I wasn’t going to go, because again I am trying to get some distance from that family, but I figured I could send a card or something.
She told me that it was my own graduation party being held at their favorite restaurant, and it completely overlapped with what I had already arranged for myself. I explained to her that I was not interested in going, because I had already made plans for that time, and this kind of violated the request I made for space.
She told me that she put so much effort into planning the party and that it would be ungrateful of me to just skip it. She said that she wants to be part of my life, and she doesn’t care that me and her son have broken up.
Once again, she keeps bringing her son up to me despite the fact that she claims that she will not mention him. I told her that I was going to stick to my plans.
My mom said that it was flattering for her to think of me, however, that day is about me, and she does not get to dictate it.
However, all of my ex’s siblings are texting me nonstop about how I have upset their mother. They said that it’s not a big deal for me to take a few hours to go and say hello to the family that I was part of for almost 10 years.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that wasn’t ‘flattering’ that she planned that party. It was malicious and vindictive as it overlapped the party you planned. She knew what she was doing and was trying to manipulate and guilt you into coming to the one she planned over the one you planned. Sticking her kids on you was also a jerk move.
You’ve set boundaries and she cannot accept them. It is not your job to coddle her, she needs to respect your space. If she really cared about you she would respect that and not make it all about her. I’d have no contact with her if it were me.
Good luck and congrats!” sylance9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You set boundaries (which you have every right to do) & they are ignoring them. Then EX-MIL purposely created a situation knowing it broke those boundaries AND put you in a position to ‘choose’ in an apparent attempt to manipulate you.
This is extremely unhealthy & toxic behavior.
Thank them and politely say No. State your boundaries again and leave it at that. You don’t owe them explanations or anything else beyond that.
For any interactions going forward, you may need to grey rock her/them.
(It sounds like EX-MIL is using other family members as ‘flying monkeys’ – this is classic toxic family relationship behavior)
It’s your day, you should not be manipulated into doing something you don’t want to do. If they truly cared about you, they would respect your wishes and not make it about EX-MIL being upset.” Happy480
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Meet My Baby?
“My husband (35) and I (26) had our first baby at the end of January this year. We found out about 3 weeks before our baby was born that I had a condition that would put me at high risk for heart failure during labor. I was induced on Monday and the doctors were monitoring my heart the entire time.
At the hospital, I was only allowed 2 guests at a time and they weren’t allowing people to switch at the time. I only wanted 1 in the room with me during labor and that was obviously my husband. My mom and sister made the 2 hour drive to the hospital when I started pushing knowing they wouldn’t be able to see me because my best friend had driven 6 hours and was in the room 2 days prior to me starting to push (I kicked her out when I started pushing).
My mom and sister called up to labor and delivery to find out if there was any chance of them coming to see me and they were told I didn’t want anyone else up there right now. My sister claimed the nurse lied about me wanting only my husband with me and kept calling up to bother the nurse about her ‘lie’.
The nurses came in 3 separate times to ask me about my family causing problems downstairs to the point they were concerned for my safety.
After it was all said and done my family left and my best friend told me what happened. I came home a few days later and called my sister and told her she owed me an apology for how she acted and for me getting bothered during active labor with a heart condition.
She said the nurses shouldn’t have bothered me and she was sorry for them being unprofessional. They may have been unprofessional for bothering me but I still felt she needed to apologize for her being the cause of it and she refused. I let her know she would not be allowed to meet my baby unless she apologized because I felt she put my and my baby’s lives at risk by adding unnecessary stress.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving birth is NOT a spectator sport.
She knew before you ever went to the hospital she would not be allowed in. She HARASSED the hospital staff.
If she ever does manage to apologize for being an entitled pain in the butt, I would think carefully about if she would be unsupervised with the child.
She is definitely the person who will completely disregard your instructions and do whatever she wants with the child.” nixiedust85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is covering her butt by trying to say it was unprofessional for the nurses to let you know that she was bothering them.
It was absolutely within the right of the nurses to notify you that your sister was constantly egging to come up and visit you. And your sister was completely in the wrong about this. She needs to apologize. And stop trying to weasel out of HER unprofessional behavior.
‘Oh I’m sorry the nurses were bothering you, they shouldn’t have done that.’ Classic.” Capital-Western8687
10. AITJ For Getting Annoyed At A Model's Friend During A Photoshoot?
“I (26F) am a photographer who travels to conventions and does photoshoots of mostly cosplayers. Something that I offer is boudoir shoots. Meaning shoots that are more intimate and revealing than a normal shoot. Not inappropriate. But hot, you could say. These shoots usually take place in the cosplayer’s hotel room, my hotel room, or rarely I’ll rent a studio nearby.
For everyone’s comfort, I ask that my partner (27M) be allowed to stay close by during the shoot, in another room or in the hallway, if not in the room assisting me, and I recommend that the cosplayer bring a friend too for their comfort
A few days ago I was at a convention and a female cosplayer booked me for a boudoir shoot. We went to my hotel room because her room was shared by a lot of people and didn’t want to ask them to clear out. The cosplayer brought her male friend and I was fine with this.
He asked if he could do anything to help and I said ‘No, thank you, my partner and I have everything we need’. He smiled and said okay and sat in a chair in the corner. The shoot is going on and going well. And eventually, I hear camera clicks that aren’t my own.
So I looked over and he was taking pictures of me. I asked him what he was doing and he said ‘Oh I’m just putting this on my Instagram story. Don’t worry’. I asked him to not do that please because I have a professional image to keep up especially when I’m doing this kind of shoot and he said ‘Oh.
Well, I already posted a few. I can’t do anything about that.’ So I just asked him not to post anymore and he said okay and looked annoyed.
The shoot was going on more and I asked the cosplayer if she wanted to start removing parts of her clothes because, in the booking form, she said she wanted partial exposure in some of the shots.
She said yes and the friend whistled and said ‘Oooo it’s about to get hot in heeeeerrrreee’ and the cosplayer looked a little uncomfortable at that so I asked her if she still wanted him there or if she wanted to contact another friend to replace him or anything and she says no. He’s just joking around.
So I said okay. The shoot kept going.
I took a few shots and I noticed the friend was taking pictures again but with his sound muted so we wouldn’t hear. I asked him what he was doing and he said ‘Nothing’ but the cosplayer was looking really uncomfortable now so I told her that the friend was being really inappropriate and I thought either he should leave or the shoot should stop here (we had about 30 minutes left of shooting booked) and the friend got upset and started shouting at me and calling me names.
So I told the cosplayer that we could discuss rescheduling or reimbursement later but I can’t deal with her friend. My partner and I packed up our stuff and asked them to leave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He acted inappropriately. Have a clause in the contract that says ‘no phones on set/while shooting’.
Something like that. Make sure to emphasize that during the discussion/planning of the shoot. Usually, hotel rooms have safes, and place their cell phones there. They can have it back once the shoot is over.” CandidJudgement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are a professional and if someone is being unprofessional and inappropriate, you don’t have to stick around and deal with it.
You also gave the person who brought them along the chance to switch friends, along with options for how to proceed after you decided to leave when the situation did not fix itself. I think you shouldn’t be considered a jerk for caring about your comfort, along with the client’s.” anon_em96592
9. AITJ For Joking About Considering My Son's Animals As My Grandchildren?
“I have three children: Gabriel (32), Alessa (27), and Hunter (26). I have two grandkids and they’re both Alessa’s kids. Hunter’s wife doesn’t want kids and even when he was young, I could never picture Gabriel settling down. He’s always been a bit flighty and full of wanderlust even though he would’ve made a great father or father figure.
At the end of the day though, as long as my children are happy with their lives that’s all I care about.
I do spoil my grandkids and brag about them a lot. Having them in my life and helping Alessa is an absolute joy.
Now, the issue comes with Gabriel. He bought a house and some land in a rather rural area and in the last few years has started fostering animals for some rescues. Most of them go on to forever homes but he has a few foster fails along with animals he got himself.
He takes great care of them and will send me pictures and videos of his various animals and pets. He can afford it all but I still will buy some feed or food for them, toys, or pay for regular vet visits because I am proud of what he’s doing.
Last weekend was my birthday and we had a family gathering to celebrate. I gave a speech about how much my kids mean to me, fond memories of each, how proud I am of them, and how they’ve enriched my life. Occasions like this I’ve always thanked Alessa for my grandchildren and how wonderful a mother she is.
This year I also thanked Gabriel for the numerous ‘grandkids’ he has and joked how that’s not what I meant when I asked him years ago about foster children. I want to clarify that I DON’T actually think of his animals as or hold them the same as my grandchildren.
When Alessa was leaving she pulled me aside and told me that I made her feel like less as a mother by counting animals in with her children. I explained to her that I don’t see them at all as the same, and as a mother, I know she has more on her plate and more responsibilities than her brother does, but I just enjoy pictures and videos of both her children and his animals and helping both of them.
She hasn’t spoken to me nearly as much since then or asked me to babysit, and she’s gone complete radio silence on her older brother. I am thinking now I shouldn’t have said anything about Gabriel’s foster animals and pets but at the same time, I know he fosters animals like pigs and pregnant dogs that not many people sign up to foster.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like her middle-child syndrome is showing. Who you love, how much you love, or how you express love doesn’t get to be dictated by her or anyone else. If she can’t take a joke or not be the center of attention for a brief moment, she needs some therapy.
This emotional manipulation (withholding access to grandkids to get her way) isn’t healthy behavior.” Farmof5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your kids each made different life choices; one had kids and the other two chose not to. There’s nothing wrong with either choice.
You are very happy to be a grandmother to her kids and often thank her for the joy they have brought into your life.
Your son has also brought joy into your life by fostering many animals and giving them the opportunity to a new life.
That’s a unique experience in and of itself too. The work your son is doing requires a lot of time, love, and the ability to let those animals move on to forever homes and make room to love more animals. That’s something you and your son have bonded over and should not feel guilty about the positive feelings you have.
It sounds like your daughter might be feeling a little insecure right now, some of which may have nothing to do with you. It’s possible that she’s feeling insecure about her role as a mom (due to other events or interpersonal relationships in her life), but that’s up to her to talk about it with you.
Regardless of her response to your speech, you have every right to express joy, gratitude, and pride in being involved in two very different experiences with your kids, whether it’s about the humans they have or the animals they have. That is what you think, it’s how you feel, and it’s what you choose to be part of.
Own it and don’t let anyone take that away from you or make you think you can’t express what those experiences mean to you.” owlgrad08
8. AITJ For Leaving My Husband And Baby At The Park?
“My husband and I have a ten-month-old son. In a bit of a switch of roles, my husband has been fortunate enough to be at home with my son and I returned to work full-time, however, he is due to return to work on Monday, so this was the last day off he will have with him.
We decided to go out for lunch, taking our baby and our dog. We had a really nice time and my husband made plans for us to go to a local park afterward, to take the dog for a walk and also play with our baby in the park for the first time together.
My husband has suggested taking him to a park numerous times, but I have always been of the opinion that he’s too young for it. He managed to take him on some swings while off with him the other day, so assured me it was okay.
The park was around a six-minute walk from where we were parked, and it was a bit of a pain to get there. When we finally arrived, there was a note saying dogs weren’t allowed on the playground (fairly common, I suppose). My husband went to get the baby out of the pram, and I asked him what he expected me to do with the dog.
He suggested I watch them on the swings (the park was open plan, and I could see the swings from where I was standing with the dog) or walk the dog around if I didn’t want to watch. There wasn’t anywhere obvious to walk him as we were new to the area.
I then told him I would take our son to the park and he said he wanted to do it.
I wanted to play with our son for the first time in the park not to stand and watch, and I told him I was going back to the car.
He asked if I could wait and watch, as it wouldn’t take long. I said I’d see him back at the car. I walked back to the car alone and waited for him. He called me twice on the way back but I missed the calls.
When he got back to the car, he was upset. The trail back from the park was quite difficult with a pram and he was annoyed he had to do it without my help. He also said that this was our first trip to the park together.
I was annoyed because it felt like his trip to the park while all I got to do was watch. He felt like the disagreement had soured his last day off with the baby.
Am I the jerk for walking back to the car and leaving my husband with the baby in the park?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Clearly taking your kid to the park was an important experience for your husband and one that he has looked forward to doing. Instead of watching the joy and bonding happening between your kid and son in that moment, you were too concerned with how you standing there would look to other people and didn’t consider your husband once.
Apologize to your husband, and plan a park trip so that he can get a do-over, and take many pictures and videos of them. Who knows, maybe you’ll enjoy yourself as well.” cloudedconstitutions
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why couldn’t you two switch so you both could have some time?
I think you’re both still in new parent mode, where everything is a milestone and monumental. But the difference is this was an ending for your husband having unlimited time with your child, while it’s a beginning for you. He respected your wishes the entire time he was at home and didn’t do something with his child he really wanted to do.
I think allowing him to enjoy this moment that he clearly was looking forward to would have been the better choice.” EmpressJainaSolo
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Fiancé About The Conversation I Had With His Best Friend?
“I (29f) have been with my fiancé Jack (30m) since middle school. He has been best friends with Hayden (30m) since diapers. Hayden initially kept his distance from me (turns out he had a crush on me in high school, which is important later) but afterward, the three of us became an unbreakable trio.
Hayden has Stage 4 Cancer. He’s got a couple of months, maybe a year, all if we are lucky. Jack and I have our wedding in 3 months and he’s going to be our best man with any luck. I’m in the process of moving Jack and me in with Hayden so he always had one of us these last few months.
The issue happened yesterday morning. Jack and I stayed over and it was 3 am and I woke up randomly and couldn’t go back to sleep so I went to the kitchen to get tea and Melatonin and Hayden was drinking in the kitchen. He’s been having issues sleeping with chemo so I wasn’t surprised to see him.
He seemed a bit down but that also wasn’t surprising. I made my tea and we talked a little before he asked ‘Would I ever have had a chance with you?’ It took me by surprise since it’s been so long since he liked me last. I took a minute and settled on ‘in another life, and if there was no way Jack and I would meet, yeah, we could have had a go at it.’ He nodded and told me he was going to try to sleep so I kissed a cheek (not something I do often with him, but I do a lot with others and it felt like a comforting move) and went back up to Jack and I decided then I wasn’t going to mention this conversation to him.
It really honestly meant nothing, Jack is the love of my life, and I was sure Jack wouldn’t even care, but if he did, I didn’t want him to be angry at his best friend for possibly his last month or two.
Hayden ended up apologizing to Jack about what he said to me when he woke up.
That was his choice, and I don’t mind that he mentioned it. Jack is livid though and is angry I didn’t tell him and that the conversation was a ‘big deal’. I feel absolutely awful. I’m now over at my best friend’s who thinks Jack is being a jerk and that I was trying to protect both of them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Just a lot of high emotions and a situation no one’s really equipped to deal with. Make sure Jack knows why you didn’t mention it and point out that it doesn’t necessarily mean Hayden’s still into you, but he’s got a huge reason to be looking back on places his life might have gone differently.
A lot easier to imagine being with you than conjuring up a hypothetical girl he might’ve met if he was around a decade from now.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Hayden is at the end of his life and is processing a lot of ‘what ifs.’ It’s kind of a sticky situation because he probably wouldn’t have asked that question if Jack was also in the room with you both (meaning under normal circumstances this question is teetering boundaries).
However, given the situation, he gets a pass.
You were right in your head to be hesitant to say anything because you wanted to protect the last months of their relationship. Ultimately Hayden is a good friend and knows the boundary may have been crossed and that’s why he fessed up.
If you two tell each other almost everything I can understand why Jack may be upset that the conversation wasn’t mentioned. He may have just appreciated a heads-up about it. Perhaps he could understand the honest intentions on your side and that nothing suspicious was going on.
This is a really tough situation and you both are great friends and you are doing your best to manage everything!” Traumatichamster1995
Firstly I think that the 3 of you are in an impossible situation, the lifelong are realising that pretty soon 1 is leaving... should you have tole Jack meehh if you tell each other everything then yes.. however did Jack expect you to wake him up at 4am just to tell him that? When if you had you could have scared him into thinking Hayden had gotten worse or something.. but then you may have been falling out for a different reason..
I think the fact it's a highly stressful journey you are all taking then I think maybe frimmnow on transparency is the key.. maybe sit with both the boys and have an honest to God conversation about how to move on from this cos you can't go on like this for the rest of this journey that you are all facing..
Sending the 3 of you lots of love x
6. AITJ For Telling My Brother Not To Hate Our Mom Just Because She Had An Affair?
“My mom (44) had me (26f) young, she says she got pregnant weeks after turning 18, and my brother Eric (24) two years later. Our parents were not perfect (they never even married), I remember so much yelling and arguing. Yeah, there were a lot of happy moments and they always tried not to fight in front of us and maybe that’s why Eric thinks it was great.
But it wasn’t. When I was ten, mom ended up having an affair with a neighbor and of course, it resulted in a breakup. The happiest memory I have before that time is that on weekends, Eric and I would both go to mom’s bed and she would hold us both in her arms and we’d fall asleep in her arms watching TV.
That ended after that cause Eric absolutely refused to see Mom.
I did too at first but then after a few months, Dad told me one day that I could stay angry or I could see that she’s still my mom and pointed out that if she didn’t love us she wouldn’t have fought for custody.
So I started going but every time Eric went he would just ignore her and everything and even starve himself. I don’t know why my little brother got so filled with hate. It’s not like mom doesn’t hate herself for what she did. Like mom hasn’t gone out with anybody since the breakup, when I asked why she said that she didn’t deserve it.
I mean I get it I’m the firstborn and I bring Mom some happiness but he’s her baby, she’s always had a special place for him.
She didn’t get to see his prom, his graduation, or his undergrad graduation, she hadn’t even met his fiancee and at my wedding, he completely ignored her again and refused to be in any photos with her.
As his wedding is approaching, Mom’s been getting so much sadder. She was a gym junkie and now she won’t even go there. She didn’t even go to a reunion with some people she served with and she looked forward to that for so long.
She’s always been so sad that he hates her so much and now nothing can cheer her up. Like dad is busy finishing his master’s in psych so he’s way too busy to be dealing with Eric’s hate so when he rants it’s now up to me.
So honestly, after his latest rant, I told my brother to stop hating our mom just because she had an affair because she never stopped loving us and he just had a fantasy wrapped in his head about what our life was like. He got mad at me and called me a jerk so I told him that if this is the person he’s going to be, then he’s going to lose me too.
He’s been seething since but I’m honestly wondering if I was the jerk to tell him to just get over it cause I know it doesn’t work like that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I’m sorry, and I know this leaves you probably hurt. But it’s not your job to make your brother forgive your mom.
It’s really up to him. And trying to force him – it’s only going to make things worse between you and him.
It’s a really hard position to be in. I know that you see your mother’s mistake as just that. And it seems like both you and your father have forgiven her.
But your brother may not be able to yet. He may be still wounded.
Therapy might be a benefit to him. But you really can’t make him forgive his mother. That has to come with time. If at all. Sometimes what’s best for us is to leave old relationships behind.
And your brother may have to do that to continue on his journey.
I’m really very sorry. It is a very hard thing to go through.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
His relationship with her is between them. While you might feel some type of way that’s on you.
Your brother obviously feels like she didn’t only betray your dad but the entire family which is a valid point and reason for feeling like he does. Just because you forgive your mom and are able to move on from the situation doesn’t mean he does or has to.
These are the consequences of your mother’s actions so she needs to be the one to fix them but on your brother’s time since he is the one affected.” User
5. AITJ For Sharing The Same Bed And Clothes With My Kids?
“My (39M) wife passed due to complications in the birth of my youngest daughter, I have been raising the kids since. I will be the first to admit what we had wasn’t always enough for them, but I knew it was the best I could give them at the time and I got used to ignoring other people’s comments.
At one point for about a year, we all shared the same bed (they were around 10, 7, and 3 at the time), they would all go to bed, and if there was room I would join them when I got back from work. I remember getting a lot of odd comments about it, saying it was inappropriate but I learned to ignore it.
We are doing a lot better now, my younger two do share a room but have their own beds, my oldest recently turned 18 and just got accepted into his first choice uni. I haven’t had any negative comments about my parenting until recently, and for some reason, these ones are getting to me, and I’m thinking maybe I’m in the wrong this time.
Basically, my eldest two used to wear my clothes, my jeans, t-shirts, hoodies. When I started earning more they could have their own, my middle child got her own, but my eldest kept wanting to wear mine. They later confessed to me that it was because they were a boy (he is trans) but even when I told him I loved him and would go with him to get his own clothes from the men’s section, he still said he preferred to wear mine, saying they just had a style to them that he liked. I didn’t really see an issue with it, the worst part is just when I’m looking for a specific shirt I may find it in his room instead of mine, but that didn’t really bother me.
The thing is that some of the parents I hang out with noticed that I would wear something then a week or so later my son would be wearing it. They asked and I explained that we share clothes. They started telling me how inappropriate it was, how unhygienic it is (the clothes are washed between wears and it’s not like we share undergarments or anything) they also said how odd some things looked on my son because they didn’t always fit properly.
Normally I wouldn’t care but part of me is thinking that I maybe messed up here, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go back to ignoring people, you were better off.
No, you wouldn’t be a jerk for comforting your kids after you all lost your wife.
Kids sleep in their parents’ rooms all the time for all kinds of different reasons, it’s weird that these people think it’s weird.
As for the clothes; it’s clothes. First, you shared clothes because it’s what you could afford. Then you shared clothes because your eldest liked your clothes.
Women – Moms/Daughters do this crap all the time. Mine doesn’t even wear a size even close to me and I still find her in my clothes. Hoodies… if we did not hide them, we’d have none, as she’d had stolen and worn them all.
There is something wrong with the people around you… they focus on some really weird stuff.
The issues they are having aren’t really the clothes. They can all get lost and mind their own business. Find better people to spend your time with, these ones aren’t worth yours.” samarie003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please don’t question your wonderful upbringing based on idiots who do not know your son or you. They’re making their own assumptions and passing judgments. At an age where teenagers would distance themselves from family, your kid looks up to you.
He feels comfortable around you and maybe finds comfort in your clothes. As long as it’s washed and not dirty, who cares?! Tell them to mind their own business cuz you’ve got a family to raise! And it sounds like you’ve been a wonderful dad in raising your children!
Don’t listen to the naysayers.” snoop_ard
4. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Mom After I Caught Her Kissing My Baby?
“I (F 28) just had my first, beautiful baby boy (2 weeks). He is the light of my life, and both my husband (M 30) and I are overjoyed.
My mom (F 61) lives overseas and came to help out with the new baby. She is a doting grandma but tends to do things her way so there have been a few hiccups.
The pediatrician was very clear that NO ONE should kiss the baby other than my husband and me. The baby’s little immune system is too weak, and God forbid he gets something. I was very clear about this to my mom, who was resistant but I was firm and told her no holding the baby at all unless she agreed to no kissing.
So, no kissing was agreed.
Yesterday, I walked into the nursery to find my mom kissing the baby and generally playing with him. I was so upset, how long had she been doing this behind my back?! My mom justified it by saying that the baby was now two weeks old and nothing bad had happened, so we could start building his immune system.
She also said rules like these were why so many children had allergies nowadays.
I took the baby from my mom and called her a selfish cow. I told her that when the baby dies from a preventable disease, it will be her fault and hers alone (I may have gone a bit far).
I told her she was lucky I wasn’t kicking her out, and the only reason I wasn’t was because she had no place else to go.
As I type this my mom is busy packing her bags because she is ‘clearly not welcome in (her) grandchild’s life’, and moaning about how she will never have a bond with him.
She found time in all of this to text my aunt (F 65), who called to tell me that I should be ashamed of myself and that my son should count his blessings that he has a loving grandmother. Now I wonder if I was a bit intense, and probably could have been a bit more relaxed. So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom agreed to your one rule and then went behind your back to break it. Undeniably jerk behavior.
You were furious. I get it. I would’ve been too. If it had stopped at selfish cow, I’d be saying NTJ.
But you went to blaming her ‘and her alone’ for the hypothetical death of your baby. So yeah, you get jerk points too. But far fewer of them, and with parent-of-a-newborn-levels-of-exhaustion as an extra mitigating factor.
Then your mom gets extra jerk points for moaning about ‘never having a bond’ with a baby she had the green light to cuddle to her heart’s content.
To sum up, your mom won the Jerk Olympics, but you were beside her on the podium. The difference is in your reactions – seems you’ll be off the podium next time, while she’s going for back-to-back gold.
Everyone sucks here.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mom sucks because she went behind your back and did something you both agreed she wouldn’t do. It doesn’t matter who’s right. It isn’t what you both agreed.
But you suck the hardest. That’s a nasty nasty nasty thing to say to your mother, who loves you and your baby and who is there helping you out.
You’re a huuuuge jerk.
By the way, check again with the pediatrician. That rule usually means ‘no one who isn’t in constant contact with the baby shouldn’t kiss them’. Your mother is living with the baby and is taking care of him. I bet the pediatrician would say there’s no problem with her kissing him in that context.
I’m not justifying what your mom did. As I said, she broke your deal regardless of where the truth lies.” User
Your mother, your aunt and anyone else who is calling you a jerk needs to apologize and mind their own business when they don't know the circumstances of a situation. Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy.
3. AITJ For Not Visiting My Father In Prison Again?
“A few months ago, my father was sent to prison for 18 months.
He was sent to one of these ‘Prison farms’ where inmates have to work 40-50 hours a week in the barns and coops, to get any privileges at all.
Thousands of pigs and chickens.
When I visited for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I had to hold my breath to even walk inside. Then when I got in the visitation room with my father for the 20-minute visit, he stunk so bad that I couldn’t stop myself from retching.
He commented on it and said he can’t stand it either but he’s tried to get used to it the best he could. He looked totally disheveled and had huge stains on his shirt that he told me were ‘pig slop.’ I would have thought he’d shower before a visit but he said he scheduled it between shifts in the barns, to make sure he gets his 50 hours in…
I feel really bad for him, I tried to catch up with him but honestly, the smell and sight were so appalling that it was hard to stop gagging. And it wasn’t just him, the whole place reeked.
Worse yet, even after I left, I stunk, I had a friend tell me the next day that I smelled of manure, even after I showered. I didn’t know it could do that without even touching it.
But I just felt… dirty…
So I told him that I enjoy talking to him and I’d be happy to catch up on the phone, but I’m not sure it’s an environment where I feel comfortable going… and he got really mad and said I promised to visit, and he works hard every week in revolting pig barns and chicken coops to make sure he’s allowed visitors and started yelling at me… and I do feel bad, but I said that that’s part of the punishment, it’s not fair to expect me to be subjected to that smell when I didn’t commit the crime, and he acted really hurt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I can’t comment on your ability to withstand farm odors but you have to balance it with the love you have for your father, your willingness to visit him, and tolerate the smell. I’m sure your father greatly misses his family and the fact he is working in such conditions so he can even get visiting hours with loved ones speaks loudly and would weigh heavily on my mind.
you have to make the decision and my vote is ‘no jerks here’.
Try to use a cover to mask the smell. I’ve heard peppermint oil works, spread some above your upper lip and around the nostrils. It won’t cover up the odor entirely but it will mask it heavily.
You are forced to breathe past the applied oil. Good luck.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You broke your promise. It really doesn’t matter why because it’s just about breaking a promise to your dad. He shouldn’t have yelled at you, even if he was more hurt than mad.
Get some Vick’s Vaporub and smear it beneath your nose. Wear a mask. Ask him to shower before coming to the visitation room. Visit once a month or every other month. If every other month, then write to him in the in-btwn month. Send him some spending money.
But don’t give up on him just because you have a super sensitive stomach.” LoveBeach8
2. AITJ For Not Waking Up My Partner?
“I (28F) have lived with my partner (30M) for 3 years now. When I first stayed the night he overslept and I woke him up. He woke up in a bad mood and after a big fight made it absolutely clear that I should not wake him up even if I knew he would be late to meet the Pope (his words).
After I calmed down I wrote a ‘contract’ that said I would never wake him up under any circumstance short of an emergency as long as he never blames me for oversleeping. He laughed and signed it. I kept it with my important documents. (Daughter of two lawyers, get everything in writing and don’t sign anything unless you and your lawyer read it are rules I live by)
Fast forward to yesterday, he just started a new job and celebrated the night before playing with some guys online. He had to wake up by 7 am.
I woke up at 5 am like usual and did all my stuff, and by the time it was 7 am, he hadn’t woken up.
I left the house at 8.15 am and he was still asleep.
When I got back he was there and he was very angry, he started shouting and blamed me for being late, said I should have woken him when I noticed he overslept. All I did was stay silent until he stopped shouting then showed him the paper he signed. And then I said I never woke you up and I never will, you are an adult and you can set an alarm like the rest of us.
Also, your being late is a you-problem and I have no part in it at all.
Now he says that I am a jerk and I should know that the old rules do not apply since he no longer works for his friend who was lax with time.
I still think I did nothing wrong.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He should have set an alarm for himself and he shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. Now, if I’m reading this right, you had him sign the form over three years ago.
There’s a decent chance he forgot about it. Well, it sounds like he might not have realized how serious you were about the form. You could have been nice and woken him up instead of being petty about an old form that isn’t legally binding in the first place.
Are you Sheldon Cooper?” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You knew he needed to be up for something incredibly important. Instead of helping, you maliciously complied with a previous request. And maliciously made it into a contract.
He’s stupid for staying up and celebrating a new job before his first day.
And a mild jerk for his initial ‘never ever wake me up’… But I gotta ask. Is he a Vet? PTSD and being woken roughly is no joke. Alternatively, he’s just a jerk in the morning like myself. I’m good the rest of the time, but I’m a deep sleeper.
If I haven’t had my morning coffee, I’m going to regret any interactions I have with you. I do drink decaf. It’s more about the time needed to fully wake.
You both should reconsider this relationship. Instead of helping each other and communicating. You are taking satisfaction in watching him fail.
This isn’t going to lead to more successful and fulfilling lives for either of you.” RedGobboRebel
1. AITJ For Not Having My Friend Design My Wedding Dress?
“My friend is a wedding dress designer. When she found out I was engaged she was really excited because she wanted to design my dress. I originally said yes but I told her my maximum budget and she ended up telling me the dress would cost 3x as much.
I told her I couldn’t afford it but she kept saying my fiancé, who is paying for everything related to the wedding, should be willing to spend whatever he had to give me the perfect dress. She even brought it up in front of him and other friends to try to get him to increase the budget.
The thing is, my fiancé never gave me a budget, so he was just confused by everything she was saying.
He said I could spend whatever I wanted but I didn’t want to be one of those brides who spends a ridiculous amount on a wedding that I wasn’t paying for myself.
I came up with a budget because it helped me feel less overwhelmed and guilty for letting him pay for everything.
My friend did eventually concede and said it was fine that she wouldn’t be designing my dress.
Things were fine between us until she found out the dress I bought was way more than she had quoted me.
It wasn’t intentional. My sister-in-law surprised me with an appointment with the designer who designed her wedding dress and banned the designer from telling me how much anything would cost. I fell in love with the dress and had no idea how much it cost until after.
When I showed my friends the dress, my designer friend immediately said I couldn’t have gotten that dress within my budget and kept pressing me on how much it cost until I admitted it. She was really upset with me and told me if I didn’t want her to design my dress I should’ve just been honest instead of lying to her.
She implied I didn’t want her designing my dress because she was a small local designer which isn’t true but one of my other friends said it did seem that way. I don’t know if she’s going to come to the wedding now since she’s so upset with me and hasn’t responded to any of my texts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ok, but you did lie.
You told her you ‘couldn’t’ afford it. That’s not true, obviously because your fiance said to spend whatever you wanted and you wound up spending way more on a different dress. You created your own personal budget but there was, in reality, no budget at all.
So yeah, I get where your friend is coming from.
No jerks here. Ultimately, you don’t have to let your friend design your wedding dress but she’s absolutely correct in feeling like you lied because you sorta did.” chaosandpuppies
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You suck for falling in love with a dress without knowing how much it cost and not considering the imaginary budget that you gave your friend the excuse of why you didn’t want her to design the dress.
She sucks for pressuring you to let her design your dress.
NO is a complete sentence. Don’t give reasons for anything, just say NO.” NotShockedFruitWeird
In your shoes, I would do exactly what External-Hamster-991 said and separate your finances from your husband's IMMEDIATELY. I would also tell him that you want a rule in place for any joint bank accounts that ANY withdrawal requires the two of you to approve it. Sounds like your husband is the type to keep babying his sister and funding her behind your back because he's a softy. Don't let it happen. Enough already. Good luck.