People Struggle With Unraveling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
29. AITJ For Not Telling My Fiancée That My Best Man Is My Ex?
“Near the end of the year I’m (27M) going to be marrying the love of my life (30F), we have been together for 4 years now. And since I popped the question we’ve been busy planning. One of the first things we decided was our bridal party.
We both already knew exactly who we were going to ask and we had no issues with each other’s choices, at least at the beginning.
My fiancé recently found out that I used to be in a relationship with my best man (26M) and is furious I never told her he was my ex and that I had not only invited him but also wanted him in the bridal party.
The thing is I never purposely hid the fact we use to be in a relationship from her, I just genuinely forgot. We had been friends for years and we got on so well we decided to give it a try and it just wasn’t meant to be.
we were “together” for less than a month and it wasn’t really that different from how we were being friends except we spent more time together.
I have to actively be reminded of it as it’s not something I think about, when I look at him I don’t see an ex I see my best friend of over 10 years.
He was my friend for years before we were in a relationship and years after. I don’t think it classes him as an ex and I don’t think it should mean he’s excluded from my wedding. But my fiancé is adamant that it’s disrespectful to her and that it’s her wedding so she should get a say.
I don’t want to exclude him but if I knew she would react like this I might have just invited him as a guest, so AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it was an honest mistake. But I think you need to have a talk with her about why she feels disrespected. Without trying to discount her feelings.
No “but I don’t see him that way and I didn’t mean to disrespect you, so no harm no foul right?” Even though I can see this happening, and I believe you were honest, she deserves to have her feelings respected. Asking for forgiveness might be your best bet here.” cottondragons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, relationships are so complex and multifaceted ESPECIALLY over long periods of time. All these people saying there’s “no way you forgot” are reading into a relationship that has spanned over a decade and are incapable of comprehending the time. Additionally, straight people are so confined by notions of society-built relationship rules, it’s embarrassing.
I’ve hooked up with many of my best friends, and their friends to. Some of my friends have been in a relationship with each other, and two have gotten married. Jealousy is ugly, immature, and so simple-minded. Don’t let anyone in this thread tell you that you’re the jerk.
If she’s going to be your wife, she has to respect your friends regardless of your history. You’re 100% NTJ.” idksai
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You stated in your post that you forgot that you were with this person. Yet in one of your replies you state that you occasionally joke around with him about it.
You haven’t forgotten that you were in a relationship with him, and your post is misleading. And regardless of how you currently feel about him, you’ve never bothered to bring this up to her at any point to gauge how comfortable she would be having you hang out with an ex.
Not all of us would be comfortable with something like this, most probably wouldn’t. And now from her point of view, you’ve kept this hidden right up until your wedding. What is she to think of the situation?” core_bluu
28. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Partner's Thoughtless Birthday Gift?
“I (28f) and my partner (28m) were recently on a trip to Spain.
We were actually going for his brother’s wedding so the trip was just supposed to be centered around us.
My partner’s family planned a lot of activities for the trip and there was an itinerary for most of the entire week. There were very little plans the day of my birthday which was on June 14.
That day, my partner told me happy birthday and then we went out to do things with the group for about half the day. When we got back, he gave me my birthday gift and it was just a dress he had found at the market that day.
I was disappointed because it’s totally not my style, he had no card, just handed it to me and said happy birthday, and that was it. He didn’t take me out to a dinner even though we had the rest of our night to ourselves and then didn’t spend quality time with me at all that night and just kind of forgot about my birthday for the rest of the day and night.
When I expressed my disappointment he said well I did my best and I thought you would like it and what did you expect me to get you? I explained that it wasn’t the gift necessarily, just that it felt that there was no thought behind it at all and that he used to write me poems, send me love songs, write me long letters about how much he loved me, etc. it just felt thoughtless.
He said I was an ungrateful brat and we spent the night on opposite sides of the bed for the remainder of my birthday. I felt so lonely and unheard. AITJ? Am I a brat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So this was the best he could do: ignore your birthday all day and then bring you the first thing he found the same day?
It seems like he tried his best to show you that he doesn’t care about you, because it must be hard work to be ignorant and disrespectful at this high level.” IdesiaandSunny
Another User Comments:
“Both jerks. He definitely could have done a better job at making your day more special but the “it’s not my style comment” makes me give you a soft jerk marker too.
You claim it wasn’t the gift but then made sure we all knew you thought it sucked” woofridgerator
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What is it with people flat out saying they don’t like a present. Smile, say thank you and move on. Also, are you 5?
You’re gonna struggle when you realize the older you get the less people care about your birthday. Plus, you’re there for his brother’s wedding, right? So I’m sorry, no the day shouldn’t have been about you even if it was your birthday.
Having family around can be stressful, both good and bad, he did something simple. Appreciate that.” Outrageous_Emu298
27. AITJ For Choosing To Be A Bridesmaid Instead Of Attending My Partner's Annual Show?
“My partner wants to go to this air show once a year show for his bday. We went last year and the year before. Usually it’s a big thing where a bunch of us go. This year it’ll just be him.
Originally his parents were going to join but they do crafts as a hobby and have a craft show that day so they have said they’re not going.
Then, it was supposed to be both of us going. We hadn’t got tickets yet just talked about how we’d go.
Then I got asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my longest friends wedding on the same day as that show. My partner hasn’t really spent much time with them but he is invited to the wedding.
I said yes very excited to be her bridesmaid without putting the dates together and how I technically had plans beforehand even though we hadn’t bought the tickets yet.
The event is 3 hours west of us, Friday Saturday Sunday and the wedding is 3 hours east of us on Saturday.
I did mention going to the event Sunday instead so we could wedding on Saturday but that wasn’t good enough.
Now my partner is upset because he has to go alone, and I’m upset because I make a ton of compromises for things that are important for him but it doesn’t seem to reciprocate when something is important to me.
Plus, he had the option to come to the wedding but has decided not to. (Ps event is not on his actual bday)
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since it’s not on his actual birthday, also how come he is not getting angry at his parents for going to a craft show instead of that event.
Also your friend’s wedding happens once in a lifetime and she chose you as her bridesmaid. Also he is invited to the wedding so is not that he has to be alone on the (not)birthday.” ElderberryOwn666
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You had plans and you agreed to be a bridesmaid before checking With your BF.
That’s jerk behavior. His parents are not going because of a craft show? He must be feeling like everyone choose to not celebrate him, like he isn’t important. You should go to the wedding but the fact that you agreed before takling to your BF makes you a jerk.” User
Another User Comments:
“NJH This sounds like a case of bad timing and luck. I understand why your partner would be excited about his traditional one time a year event. I understand why he’d be angry that nobody would go with him. That sucks. On the other hand, a wedding of a close friend isn’t something you miss, so you’re not in wrong.
Nobody is in the wrong. Hopefully you both can enjoy your events.” treple13
26. AITJ For Refusing A Gift From My Wealthy, Disrespectful Uncle?
“My great-uncle treats everyone in the family poorly.
He thinks he can because most of the family fawns over him. After all, he’s a millionaire. I can’t stand him and he’s always treated me poorly because I was a girl interested in nerdy stuff. I graduated high school and am going off to college and focusing on a STEM major and right now I’m undeclared. I also received grants and scholarships so I won’t be in so much debt when I graduate.
At a cookout this weekend my uncle gifted me with an iPad Pro. I refused it and called him a bully. I said with my current job (I’m working full time all Summer with plenty of OT) that I can afford to buy myself an iPad and I don’t want or need, your help.
He became angry at me saying “I guess I won’t be eating any of the food I brought to the cookout” and I said I guess not. He blew up in my face about how he nearly paid for everything here and I said I guess I gotta go find somewhere else to eat then and left. My uncle was in a terrible mood after I left and yelled at both of my parents and grandma for me being disrespectful and how I refused a gift. I don’t want anything to do with this terrible man so I told my mom I’m not taking the gift and I don’t want anything from my uncle ever.
My mom said she’s had to ask for help from him before. I told my mom that I know and I won’t be that family member groveling to this man. I rather starve or be homeless. My mom acts like I’m the jerk and I should have just accepted the gift.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you’re going to be downvoted heavily because people love themselves some gifts and thinks you should too, but you aren’t required to accept any gift that makes you uncomfortable, has strings attached, or compromises your integrity. I’d say 1 and 3 definitely apply and probably 2 as well.
You are the jerk for not being far more diplomatic and discreet about it. Your behavior may have permanently damaged relationships beyond your own.” bureaucratic_drift
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk for the way you did it. You could have accepted it at your cookout and then sent it back.
You could have said “no thank you” but instead you attacked him. He wasn’t treating you poorly at the time but you were treating him that way so if he’s a jerk for doing it then so are you. *He became angry at me saying “I guess I won’t be eating any of the food I brought to the cookout” and I said I guess not.* This doesn’t even make sense.” Particular_Title42
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. There was no reason to raise a fuss over a gift he gave you. You are his relative, he did the standard family thing by giving you a graduation gift. What you did not only upset him, but it upset the rest of your family and ruined a nice day everyone was having.
All you had to do was just say a polite thank you and walk away. Heck, you could’ve sold it afterward, donated it, or just tossed it.” Admirable_Scale_5075
25. AITJ For Wanting To Spend One-On-One Time With My Goddaughter Without Her Younger Sister?
“My goddaughter is 11 and has a 5-year-old sister.
Every once in a while, I’ll take them both for a weekend to give their mom a break. Now that my goddaughter is older, it’s harder to take the little one too. The little one always wants someone to play with her. My goddaughter doesn’t want to play with Barbie or pretend she is a dog.
She’s past that stage in life. And if the little one doesn’t get her way, she throws a tantrum.
My goddaughter wants her one-on-one time and to hang out with friends without her little sister tagging along. Once in a while, I want to get her without her sister to spend time with only her.
Is that wrong?
Whenever I ask, Mom tells me no because the younger one will be upset, angry, etc. My goddaughter has already changed so much. I feel like it’s become a toxic relationship. Dad passed away, so it’s just mom and them. The girls share a room at home (which is completely fine), and they’re not allowed to have friends over.
They can only play with other kids when I have them. I schedule all of their play dates, sleepovers, and birthday parties. So I can see the younger one being upset when unable to come with her.
I’ve been trying for so long and hard to fight for my goddaughter.
I want her to be happy in life. I don’t know how much I can put up with it. I feel like I keep getting taken advantage of by her mother. It’s heartbreaking.
Am I wrong for saying her little sister can’t come at times?
I love them both dearly. Her sister is a cutie, but I’m not a built-in weekend babysitter. It’s like a package deal now. I’m required to take both or I can’t see my goddaughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their mother is playing favorites and taking advantage of you.
She’s got a lot on her plate, but she’s doing her eldest a serious disservice by socially isolating her to keep her younger sister from feeling uncomfortable emotions. She’s also stunting the younger child’s emotional maturity and independence. Convincing her of that may be impossible.
You’re being the good, responsible adult in this situation by trying to let your goddaughter have age-appropriate and supervised social interactions.” BeckyDaTechie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfair for their mother to expect you to take both girls when your goddaughter is in a different place in life than her little sister.
Tell their mother that you will be spending less time with both of them if you can’t spend one on one time with the older girl who you are responsible for.” ToastMmmmmmm
24. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner's Mom Cleaned My Apartment Without Asking?
“My partner’s family visited this weekend. I had plans with friends before they decided to come down.
While I was gone all day, his mom decided to clean up my apartment.
Normally the apartment is cleaned before they get there, but I couldn’t this time because I was out of town. I figured we would spend most of the time at their AirBnb up the road so it didn’t matter.
My partner texted me to say that she was doing this, citing that she told him to go out and buy different cleaners than what we had. She used scented carpet powder and put air fresheners in each room. Instead of refilling our soap dispensers with the unscented soap I use, she put White Barn soaps in their place.
I’m highly sensitive to smells so this bothered me.
I told my partner many times that I was highly uncomfortable with this and it was seriously stressing me out. I prefer to clean my apartment myself and already had plans to do it. Every time I said I was stressed he said “I asked her to stop but she won’t; that’s just the way she is; she’s just trying to help; etc.” She did not stop.
I don’t want it to seem like I’m not grateful for the help and I know that she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t like me/want to help me out, but I just wish they asked before they jumped in so I could have expressed what I needed help with.
I had a discussion with my partner when I got home and he said that he was getting frustrated with telling his mom what not to do to upset me because she in turn was getting grumpy with him. Am I the jerk for getting so upset about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%! She violated your home, it’s that simple. BF needs to support you in this, if not, he is as big a jerk as his mom. INFO: Are you sure the mom is not doing this intentionally? It sounds so over the top rude and invasive; there is being helpful and then there is “help” that’s really the opposite; this sounds like the second one.
Edit: I just re-read the part where the BF actually obeyed his mommy and bought the scented cleaners and soap even knowing OP was sensitive to them. Much bigger jerk than I thought.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have so much anxiety. Also aww was your partner frustrated after telling his mommy no while you were stressed out at work and not able to stop the situation yourself.
I wouldn’t have her over again and would be side-eying the bf for lack of backbone” Icy_Highlight_3788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t dig too far into this, just behold your future if you stay with this man. His mother will run roughshod over all your boundaries and he will just limply pretend to object while letting her do what she wishes.
Her wants will outweigh yours, her feelings will be more important than yours, and you will have zero allies for your protests.” Professional_Ruin953
23. AITJ For Considering Not Sending A Gift To My Unappreciative Siblings?
“So I (30f) am very conflicted right now. It’s my siblings birthday very soon and I don’t know if I should send them a gift or not.
I have never missed a birthday of theirs, always going out my way. I spend at least £50 every year. Now let me put this out there I do not gift to receive but, I feel a little petty this year. For Christmas I got nothing, for my birthday?
Nothing. Actually I can’t remember the last time I even received a card at the very least. But I always make sure they have.
The past year has been difficult and our relationship is strained to say the least. I don’t speak to them regularly (mostly down to their toxic behaviour).
They are money hungry and very self centred. I still love them very much but it’s been a struggle to deal with them.
I know if it don’t send them anything it will be a drama, they will accuse me of not caring about them, that I don’t love them.
It’ll be blasted all over their socials that I don’t care about them. But IMO they don’t deserve anything from me. I’ve given so much and very rarely appreciated. When I try to make contact they are always busy or sleeping or some other excuse and they never go out of their way to contact me (unless it’s to ask for money or complain about their own troubles.
They never ask how I am or even call just for a chat).
I haven’t completely given up on them and I want them to know I still care but I’m sick of giving my everything for no return. In more ways than one.
So WIBTJ if I didn’t get them a gift this year?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I’ve started this as well. I put as much energy into celebrating someone else as they put into celebrating me. By someone else, I specifically mean my husband. He buys me a tshirt for my birthday?
He gets one for his. You get tired of going all out for other people just for them to show they don’t care about you enough to even make an effort.” Foggy_Radish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through a similar situation with my sibling.
We were really close but then they grew distant and the relationship became very one sided. Eventually it just hurt myself to continue working on a relationship that wasn’t reciprocated in any way. Sounds like you put the work in and if they want a relationship in the future they can reach out.” OutHereAndSleepy
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ You need to watch YouTubes on how to set and enforce healthy boundaries with family. When they react to your boundaries by blowing you up on their socials, that means your boundaries are working! Go low contact with them. Maybe it’s only seeing them at your parents’ parties, or only making canned, polite conversation with them.
Low Contact and Estrangement is a Gift we give ourselves of peace away from drama and toxic behavior.” FrauAmarylis
22. AITJ For Being Annoyed With Our Loud, Invasive Neighbors And Their Kids?
“I (24m) get annoyed when we hang out with our neighbors (35m, 32F, 8F, 7F & 2M) because they are so loud, the dad is always so childish and so immature.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that our neighbors constantly say bad things. The kids are hella up on us, like they want to hug my partner and I while we walk, So here I am walking with two kids clenched on my to legs.
We went to a carnival yesterday because it was one of the kid’s birthday and they asked if they could ride with us.
Since my partner was driving I didn’t really have a say. We stopped by a pizza spot before going to the carnival after we ate they ran to the car and they called shotgun (the front seat) now I wouldnt have a problem w this if it was an adult but my partner agreed and let her sit in the front seat MIND YOU im a big guy so when I sat in the back I have to duck alot because my head is hitting the roof of the car.
So I asked if can nicely if I can sit in the front and the kid goes no you already sat in the front and I wanna sit next to my bestfriend (my partner). At the end of the night she wanted to come back home with us.
I pulled my partner aside I said nope her parents came in their car let them take her back. My partner is now upset because on the car ride home I tell her how annoyed I am and she said sorry I made you come when you didnt want too.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Firstly, the child cannot call shotgun as significant others get it automatically (unless mom is present). But more to the issue, it sounds like you want some pretty reasonable boundaries with these kids and should be allowed to set them. You don’t need to let kids climb on you like a jungle gym and you should be able to sit out excursions that you don’t wish to go to.” Rtarara
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because you don’t like being around these people, yet you go along with your partner on these visits and trips. JUST SAY NO. Half the horror stories on this site would be expunged before they start if people stopped being doormats.
Just tell your partner you’re finished with it, and if she can’t accept that, find a partner who isn’t involved with neighbors and kids. You don’t owe this family anything.” RealbadtheBandit
21. AITJ For Having A Family Removed From Our Reserved Mini Golf Course During A Work Retreat?
“My work had a retreat at one of those “fun Center” places that have bowling, an arcade and all that stuff.
We had the bowling alley, the mini golf and the ropes course reserved for just us. Some of my coworkers and I decided to play some mini golf. The facility left put the clubs and balls and had a big sign that said, “reserved for *my job* only from 12:00-3:00pm.
It should be noted that usually, people need to pay first for receive a club and a ball.
When we were on the course, we saw a woman and some kids there. We told them that the course was reserved at the moment and they needed to leave the course.
The mom refused and said, “we have every right to be here.” One of my coworkers said “actually you don’t. You clearly didn’t pay for this and are crashing our work retreat.” The mom said “I paid for the all access day pass.
So yeah I did pay for this.”
One of my coworkers went to get an employee and the manager and another employee came to escort the family out. As they were escorted out, the mom started yelling “you ruined my kids day. I wish you nothing but the worst. What kind of horrible person kicks kids out of a mini golf course.
You should have just minded your own business.”
The reason I am asking if I (or we) are the jerk is that later, the employee who helped escort the person out said “you know, she was right. Would it really have hurt to let them stay and finish the course.
Your company already paid for it. Were they really bothering you?” We considered telling the manager but didn’t get a chance.”
Another User Comments:
“The facility is the jerk. They’ve got no business selling “all access day” passes to people and also selling exclusive usage of part of their facilities.
Given that you haven’t mentioned this, I’m assuming that it’s not an area that is clearly marked as not included in an all access day pass at the point of purchase (online or at the entrance). You are NTJ. The business put both you and the woman in crappy positions.” NoiseProvesNothing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s always the entitled and their enablers that cause situations like this. Granted, she may not have known that certain sections were reserved when she bought the tickets, but that’s a discussion she should’ve had with the manager.
Also, what’s the point of reserving if anyone feeling entitled can just evade the space?” Ready_Acanthisitta83
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be The Responsible Child Anymore Due To Chronic Illness?
“I’ve always had to be the “responsible” sibling out of the two of us. My brother is older, but my parents enable him to do whatever he wants. We’re both adults, but I’m the only one that helps our parents with anything.
I’ve been struggling recently with chronic illness, most of which is still in the process of being diagnosed and treated because getting in with specialists takes forever. In the meantime, I have extreme fatigue and chronic pain, IBS-D, and catch contagious illnesses super easily…
All of this is to say, I feel like right now I physically cannot help my parents the way I used to. I can barely hold down a part time job, and I’m up most nights either with diarrhea or with frequent urination due to my health issues.
They both still expect me to wake up when they do early in the morning, and help them with chores like taking the dog in to the vet, or cleaning up the backyard with my dad.
These things may not seem like a big undertaking, but to someone who has been sick with something over and over, it feels like a mountain.
I can barely shower or find something to eat every day, let alone work out in the heat or take a 90 lb dog to the vet for hours.
They are very judgmental and think that I owe them this help because I’m staying here temporarily as an adult.
I try to help as much as I can in other ways, but they don’t respect my limits or understand just how much I’m struggling physically and mentally.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to be the do it all responsible child for my parents anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but getting away from being the “responsible” child/employee/spouse is basically impossible once that mindset has been established. Ask me how I know. I think your best bet here is to be brutally honest about your physical condition – maybe even more graphic than it actually is.
People who dump on the responsible one aren’t going to give a darn about your mental health, otherwise they would be distributing tasks more evenly than they do.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you could avoid an argument here by simply telling them how exhausted and overwhelmed you are with your health.
You can want to be a help around the house, but also not be able to do as many tasks. Maybe there is a compromise there possible, I think their reaction to this would be very telling.” diamondgalaxy
19. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Obese Mom Unhealthy Food?
“My mom is obese, like 300 lbs+, she has been like this for as long as I can remember. I can say with ease that it isn’t 100% her own fault.
Life gets hard sometimes and her’s was hard for a while. But her health is getting worse by the day and she has trouble breathing, walking, and even sitting. Her legs get swollen daily and she is always in pain. I, as her daughter, just want her to get better, more than she does.
[I should also note that she has high b***d pressure, an enlarged heart and sleep apnea and has been advised by multiple doctors that she need to change her lifestyle]. Yesterday, I wanted to get myself McDonald’s, not thinking anything of it. [I exercise daily and do my best to eat healthy, so it wouldn’t really affect me this one time] I regretted my decision almost immediately, since my mom wanted me to buy her a double quarter pounder.
I tried to compromise with fries, but she kept demanding. I knew I would feel bad if I did, but also if I didn’t. At least this way, I wouldn’t be paying for her food addiction. I didn’t want to enable her, so I said “No, I’ll pay for my stuff, but I don’t want you eating this crap.” She immediately snapped at me and got defensive, I felt bad.
Really bad. After we got home, I ate my food in silence. She is still giving me weird looks today and being short with me. I should also note that she hasn’t taken much action in her weight loss. I know it is hard for her to walk and exercise, but the one thing I ask, is she at least try to eat healthy.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You get to decide what to do with your own money, your mom gets to decide what to do with her body. That said, it would be kind not to eat McDonalds in front of her, the same as it can be kind not to drink in the house with a recovering drink-addict family member, but that doesn’t make you a jerk.” books_n_food
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but, she has a problem and you should be an example and avoid tempting her with that junk food, eat healthy in front of her too, she has a problem and that is not helping even if you are right it’s not the proper way to do it, be an example.” bugibangbang
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ for snapping at your mom. It’s completely reasonable to be concerned about her and her health. However, a 500 calorie burger isn’t the hill you should die on, and if you’re going to insult the food, it seems hypocritical to eat the same “crap” that you are saying is unhealthy for her.
I know your intentions are good, but making your mom feel defensive and ashamed isn’t going to improve her health. Ultimately, I think this interaction likely did not help the situation at all, and since this is clearly a sensitive issue for her, it should be handled with more care in the future.
Shame is a terrible motivator for lifestyle changes.” jxdxtxrrx
18. AITJ For Speaking English With My Dad Around My French Family?
“My dad (French) isn’t with us very much as my parents are divorced and he lives in a different country. Even when we are together, we speak in English as we have for all of our childhood. Because of this, I still take French lessons (especially for my writing skills) but am stronger in areas of speaking because of my communication with my dad’s side.
However, when I spend time with my French side (including my Dad) my grandparents and aunt can’t help but point out that my dad, sister, and I tend to talk with each other in English. They say that my French is good enough (which it is) to be able to speak with him in French all of the time, and that it is disrespectful of us to speak in English when they are not fluent.
By the way, we do not speak in English while they are in the conversation, but apparently it is still bothering them when they are in the room.
Because it may be confusing, the reason I prefer to speak English with my dad isn’t because I speak it better but simply because I grew up with it being that way, and I do not do it to be disrespectful.
If I was French and only spoke French with my dad I would simply do that, but I stick to my habits and what I am more comfortable with.
In addition, the majority of my French family are perfectly capable of understanding the basics what I am saying; if they have to be that nosy.
So, sometimes at the dinner table when my family bring it up I get annoyed because it is so harmless, but they say we are being ignorant.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Slightly YTJ here. I get habits and all, but I frankly don’t see the point of speaking a different language when you’re with your French speaking family who are not fluent in that language.
If the point is to spend time with that part of your family, why would you deliberately exclude them from general conversation. It’s not that they’re trying to be nosy, they simply want to participate. It’s not actually harmless. It comes across as you not caring enough to include them.
I get you switching to English if you’re talking about something personal. But this isn’t 2-3 people carrying on a private conversation in a public place and choosing to speak in a language they are all comfortable with. This is choosing to speak in a language, in a private space, that not everyone present is fluent in.
You actually have the option of speaking in a language everyone is fluent in (as you don’t mention that you aren’t speaking English for the benefit your sister), so choosing not to does come across as disrespectful, even if you don’t intend it to be.
I get it…multilingual families can be a challenge at times. It can necessitate going outside our comfort zones to build relationships with parts of our family. From their POV, you don’t seem to care enough to make that effort. True or not, that’s the perception.
Either you’re ok with them thinking that or you start making more of an effort to change that perception.” cachalker
Another User Comments:
“As another bilingual kid, I feel you somehow as I’m myself more fluent with French than Turkish (I still take Turkish lessons even as an adult now).
But with my mother’s family, even though my Turkish is far from perfect, I still try to shake up my habits and talk to them in their language. Doesn’t mean it’s the right way, or that yours is wrong, just that it’s a different approach on the issue.
They feel more included this way and it helps strengthen our connection. I’m gonna say no jerks here, I understand all of you in the situation. But give a try to their suggestion, it actually helped strengthen my second language as well and I feel like it really helps building bridges with that side of the family.” Claudette_in_a_bush
17. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Start Paying For His Own Necessities?
“My (21F) cousin (23M) has been living with me for about two months now.
For background, he is moving from a different state for a new job he got in my city. Since he’s been living with me, I’ve paid for almost every single one of his necessities, such as food, water, clothes, phone bill, hair products, and any outings we have to the movies or restaurants I pay.
The first three weeks, I paid for everything because he hadn’t started his job yet. But he’s been working for the last 7 weeks now, and he’s getting a decent paycheck, but he doesn’t seem to contribute to any of his own necessities.
For example, every time we go grocery shopping together, he says he doesn’t want anything, but then eats all the groceries I bought within the next two days.
Last week, he told me he was bored and wanted to do something, so I suggested watching the John Wick movie, and he agreed. When we bought the tickets and ordered the popcorn, I paid for my portion, and then he just stood there waiting for me to pay for his.
I paid for his stuff because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.
After the movie ended, I told him that I’m going to grab something to eat and that he wanted to come along too. While we were there, he decided he also wanted to grab something.
When we got to the cash, I paid for my portion, and he stood there awkwardly waiting. I told him kindly to pay for his things and then he told me he forgot his wallet at home. I’m not sure how to bring this up without causing any awkwardness or hurting his feelings?
Edit: I sat him down and was direct about him needing to pay for his own necessities and that I can’t cover the cost of his things. He got confused about why we would buy our separate things, because since we live in the same house and eat the same things, it should all be under one bill.
He also said that he doesn’t have an issue with someone paying on behalf of him because he “remembers everything,” and in the future, he will return all the favors. He turned it back on me that cousins are supposed to help each other out and not treat one another like strangers, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t worry about causing awkward or hurt feelings. Your cousin definitely doesn’t care about making you uncomfortable and taking advantage of you. In fact, he’s counting on it, that’s how he’s been able to freeload off of you so much and for so long.
If roles were reversed, he would never do the same for you so don’t feel any guilt around this. He’s manipulating you into feeling bad so he can mooch off of you. Also, in the near future if he tries to pull this “forgot his wallet” thing, then put his stuff back and only pay for your stuff.
He is not a good cousin or a friend to you. He’s taking advantage of you. You should kick him out too.” DearTigress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Were you ever going to ask for rent/utilities as well? As a side note, it’s not your responsibility to keep this guy entertained. He is not a guest. He is a roommate at this point.
If he’s bored, he can go out on his own to find something to do. That way he can’t trap you to pay for it. For rent/utilities, you need to just tell him you guys need to talk about it and give him a date that he needs to start paying and what that amount will be.
At this time you should mention the groceries. either tack that on to the rent or state clearly he needs to pay for his own. If he does not agree with this, ask him when he will be moving out. As for the other stuff, simple, just stop paying for his stuff.
And don’t go out with him unless you ask him if he has his wallet.” BadMamaJama1978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ except to yourself for letting this leech get it’s sucker embedded so deeply into you. Give him a time limit to get his own place/out(make it legal and official).
STOP paying for his things. Keep only the food you need for the day in your home(except food he hates). Do not offer him anything that he won’t pay for(except roof/utilities–NOT PHONE). If you continue to pay, what reason has he to leave/pay?” MountainMidnight9400
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stand Up To Her Family?
“My partner and I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months. We’re very happy together and I enjoy all the time we spend together but when we’re around her family.
Her family, everyone is divorced, both her grandparents and her parents. This has caused her to experience a lot of fights and traumatic events as a child. She the middle child and only girl so she got treated a bit better. She’s told me she’s always had to just take things, the anger from her parents, watch the mental mistreatment inflicted on her older brother, and her grandparents’ dislike of her ginger brother.
Lots of trauma and toxic environments for her growing up.
Recently we were on vacation with her family and her brother ask her if she wants to go to McDonald’s , she ask “whose paying?” and for some reason he calls her a “Jerk” for asking that question.
Her mom is in the room watching the conversation and says nothing, she just looks at her daughter waiting for a response. My partner just goes quiet and proceeds like he never said anything. She does this often.
Later that night I bring it up, I was angry and had an aggravated tone and I asked her why she didn’t say anything back to him.
I told her she’s not a “jerk” and even my own brother wouldn’t call me that. I did get upset with her and told her she has to stand up for herself and stop taking nonsense from her family.
We had a long discussion and I ultimately had to remind myself it’s not my issue to solve but still feel strongly she has to stand up for herself even if it’s her own family.
But am I the jerk for even saying something and getting upset with her?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If it was “that easy”, your partner would’ve done it already. You just watched a situation where she was called an ugly name for asking a pretty straightforward question.
You know she’s “expected” to take it. She’s been verbally mistreated for years. “Standing up” to her brother leaves her MORE vulnerable to bullies like her brother will be provoked and double down. Then, you find it necessary to get upset at her and berate her.
What’s wrong with you? You’ve been around this dynamic for a year and haven’t “stood up” to them, either. You’re letting it happen, too. You’re part of the problem.” SomeOil158-throwaway
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you are one more person dumping on her vs supporting her.
Why didn’t you call her brother out instead of looking at everyone else to do it? Did the cat get your tongue?” Ask_Amy
15. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Sister Over Her Racist Remarks About My Fiancé's Family?
“I am a Italian-Canadian girl (31f) marrying a Nigerian man “Abdul” (36f) next month. Like many Nigerian men, my husband’s father is a polygamist and has three wives. My fiancé is very modern and has no interest in polygamy, but his father’s other wives are his family and we are inviting them to the wedding.
My parents were a bit unnerved at first, but they have gotten over it, in part because on their trip to Nigeria last year my mom really bonded with one of the stepmothers.
My sister, Suzy, has not been so accepting. She has had problems with Abdul’s and my relationship from the beginning and has never given him a fair chance.
The polygamy aspect of his background has only fed her fire. Finally, last night, as Mom and I were trying to do the seating for the wedding, I finally lost it. Suzy came by our parent’s house to pick up her dog and started in again about Abdul, his family, how they will “drag back our family” (she seems to think because our family has accepted her transition we are some kind of enlightened beings who will be corrupted by “these primitive African”–her words there not mine).
I just lost it on her and called her a selfish, racist jerk who seems bent on judging other people rather than getting to know them. I said that maybe if she left Montreal once or twice she would realize the world is a complicated place, with lots of ways of living.
She started to cry and left.
My mom says AITJ and should apologize and that Suzy is just nervous and perhaps a bit jealous I am getting married. I don’t want to apologize. I am angry. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s definitely gone too far.
I’m not sure how to word this well, but I feel like there’s a definite difference between being uncomfortable with certain culture related lifestyle choices and just being straight up racist. it’s honestly shocking to me that she could be so blatantly racist and still get upset when you call her on it.
surely she’s aware of what she’s doing, right?” bargechimpson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Suzy is indeed a racist and bigoted jerk. This is your wedding, and it’s your big day. I think you should not invited Suzy at all to your wedding, and you tell your mom that her behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
I’m sorry you have to tolerate this crap. Congrats OP and best wishes.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s objections sound utterly racist. ‘These primitive Aricans’ are doing exactly what American mormons are doing. Besides, no matter whether your sister approves, these wives are close relatives of your fiancé, and if he and you would like them to be present, your sister needs to shut up.
And please don’t apologise. Your sister possibly being nervous or jealous is no reason to insult you, your fiancé or his close family.” KarinSpaink
14. AITJ For Letting My Kids Say Goodbye To Our Dying Dog?
“My (30F) dog ‘Buddy’ had to be euthanized a few days ago at the age of 9.
He sadly had a lot of medical issues and left us much sooner than we hoped he will.
He was a really special boy. My wife who was back then my partner (Quinn – 33) helped me adopt him from the shelter when he was just a few months old and we took care of him over the years together.
Our kids (Maeve – 6F and Michael – 8M) grew up with Buddy and loved him very much. We took them to the vet with us and tried to involve them in Buddy’s care as much as we could.
So at the end of the journey, we let kids pet Buddy until he rest in peace at the vet.
As moms, Quinn and I just wanted our kids to understand what it meant to be mortal and how important it was to cherish every moment.
A lady in her early forties max noticed the situation. She pulled me aside and had a whole speech, saying she saw what happened and was really disappointed. She called us heartless for making our kids witness that.
She said we scarred them for life and now that trauma will forever be with our kids.
I said I was comfortable with my mortality and I wanted to pass it on to my kids. She said multiple times how my wife and I were horrible parents and all.
I was extremely emotional then. I told her I couldn’t honestly care less about her opinion at the moment. The conversation escalated a bit and it ended with us leaving.
AITJ here? Should I have acted differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave Buddy a peaceful transition surrounded by all of the people he loved the most. You also have your children the opportunity to say goodbye to a beloved family member.
I am so sorry that you had to make that decision, and that some random woman decided to make your grief about her. She was absolutely out of line. Sending your family much love during this very sad time.” La-di-dottie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The lion the witch and the audacity of that jerk, what a giant busy body narcissist. I find it incomprehensible to go up to a stranger at a time of such loss and tell them how to parent, what a waste of oxygen she is.
You are teaching you children about life, how precious it is and what will happen to everyone eventually. I commend you and your partner on your decision you are raising well adjusted young-ins. I am so sorry for your loss, disregard this troll of a person and process as you see fit as a family.
Sending lots of you to you all.” notathrowawayreelly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Putting down dogs are in fact some of my most traumatic memories but I never once thought “I shouldn’t have witnessed it or been there.” How else would they be able to say goodbye?
Might be more confusing and lacking in closure for them if you just leave with the dog and it does not come back. I’m sorry she inserted herself, if I witnessed that I would have told her where she could shove her sentiments. What a weird lady.” Throwawaybcitstrash
13. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Taking Care Of My Baby Sister?
“A little background; I’m 19 and part of a big family. I’m the oldest sibling and often my mother will pass on her tasks to me, mostly anything having to do with taking care of my baby sister(almost 2yrs), these tasks are almost everything: changing clothes/diapers, feeding her, putting her to sleep, and even taking her to and from daycare.
The thing is I have started a new job with demanding hours and I also have my Fall semester coming up. It would be so stressful having to manage both plus taking care of my sister.
I have had discussions before with her to tell her that I will not be able to do all of that since that’s her job, nevertheless I don’t mind helping out sometimes if she needs it.
My mother had abdominal surgery a few months ago and I have helped with taking care of my siblings through the time she was in the hospital even after since she couldn’t carry heavy things or do strenuous tasks but now since she’s been better I feel as though she got used to me doing all of her tasks and wants me to keep going with it.
I normally wouldn’t have an issue with this since I really love my baby sister and I love taking care of her and spending time with her, but what irked me was when she admitted to my aunt(her sister) that she basically gave up on trying to raise my sister and has just left it up to me.(my other sister heard her saying this and told me)
WIBTJ if I just stopped taking care of my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I remember correctly this is called parentification, but I dont know if that counts once youre over 18. Either way, you didnt choose to have a child, you are not responsible in any way, shape or form to raise her.
Helping out when youre needed sometimes is a good and normal thing to do. But you should be focusing on yourself and tell your mum out right that shes her daughter and her responsibility, you cant work, go to school and raise a sibling” Geo_1997
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTA. You have a job and are getting ready for school starting. You do not have time to be the primary care-giver to anyone. Especially someone else who has a dedicated primary care-giver, that person’s mother. Who, from you reply to a comment, is a SAHM.
And you offered to help when able. You have been a good big-sister and a good daughter. Now focus on your life.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When talking to your mom about this, focus on the fact that your job and school will take up too much time and you want to focus on school now.
Even though it’s not OK your mom ‘gave up’, mentioning this is a confrontation you can probably avoid. She might just be going through a mental dip after being inactive for a while, picking up the slack might actually make her feel better.” CartographerHot2285
12. AITJ For Letting My Sister Move My Partner D's Car During A Storm?
“A few days ago, my (21m) partner (21f) came to sleep at my home and left her car here. The next day we went for our business with my car, but unfortunately she hurt her ankle, so her car has been sitting under a tree in front of my house for a few days, since she can’t drive.
Yesterday, while I was at work, we had a pretty big storm with a lot of strong winds, that caused a lot of damages and a lot of trees to fall. I received a call from my sister (25f), telling me that she moved my partner’s car maybe 30 meters, in a safer spot away from the trees.
I thanked her and told my partner, but she went absolutely nuts. She said she didn’t give my sister permission to drive her car so she shouldn’t have, but the fault is mine for leaving her keys at home instead of taking them with me, since my sister wouldn’t have driven it if it wasn’t for my negligence.
Now I see her point for not wanting anyone driving her car since I’m a car guy and I’m jealous of my car too, but she says she doesn’t give a fig even if my sister is a well experienced and responsible driver, that was just doing her a big favour and the car was moved just for a few meters.
She said that I would be upset if that was my car, when I am actually thankful (my sister also moved my motorcycle since things were falling off balconies), and reminded her that I didn’t get upset when she didn’t even manage to get a number plate when she got hit the very first time I gave her my car.
Now she’s saying I’m a jerk and should apologize, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister did a thoughtful thing for your partner out of concern. It’s not like she took your partner’s car and ran personal errands. I am particular about who drives my cars too, but if somebody had moved my car away from trees during a bad storm, I would simply say “Thank you.” Your partner is blowing this way out of proportion.
And if she’s so concerned about her keys, she can take them back to her place.” N7DeltaMike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seriously man, she should simply be saying thank you for thinking of me and my car. She has some serious issues and is majorly wound tight.
Your sister doesn’t need this over the top drama. If it bothers her so much she can limp her way to your place and take her car home, for crying out loud. How would she have felt if her precious car was seriously damaged by the storm… it would have went like this… your awful no good sister was too unmotivated to simply go out and move my car out of harms way.
This is what we call a no win situation.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have seen a few things suggesting break up with her but nah, sometimes one little thing is one little thing to much and if a partner can’t be there for ya in those tough moments who can.
Don’t break up with her over this. But I would kinda keep it on file. Don’t use it against her or anything, but keep an eye out for this being a pattern. If it’s a pattern… ok ya you probably don’t want to stick around.” thinkspeak_
11. AITJ For Not Supporting My Partner's Boycott Of My Sister's Wedding?
“So my sister (26F) got married recently and didn’t invite my partner(22F) to the wedding.
So the original plan was my sister was gonna have a pretty straight forward wedding, planned on inviting the family, the husband’s family and all of their friends as well. As they were organising it, they started to see the cost of this go up, so they decided to start trimming down the guest list in order to make it more affordable.
First they started with the +1’s of friends they didn’t know (which wasn’t my partner), then work friends that they weren’t super close with.
At this point they changed the venue as my father encouraged my sister to pick her dream venue. This new venue couldn’t accommodate as many people so they had to reduce the guest list again.
They began with removing anyone who wasn’t a life long friends (people they knew for 15+ years) and started to look at reducing the amount of family members. They removed out a few of the more distant aunt/uncles and cousins but were having trouble with keeping it fair.
Eventually they just came to the conclusion to have only the immediate family (parents and siblings) with no partners. My partner felt hurt by this as she felt apart of the family and thought she should be included, she also thought that my brothers (30M) partner and my dad’s partner so have been included in that as well.
She told her friends about this and they agreed with her even to go as far to say that they think I should boycott the wedding for her.
I was just think this is my sister’s wedding, as long as she’s happy with who’s there then so am I, am I the jerk for not agreeing with my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“If your partner thinks it’s reasonable to boycott your sister’s wedding when not even your dad’s partner was invited, I think I can comfortably diagnose a case of main character syndrome. I’d be a bit surprised if this is the first time you’re seeing symptoms, but sometimes it can take a while to show symptoms. It’s not usually curable, and only you know if you want to live with it forever.
NTJ” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…it is your sisters wedding she gets to decide who comes. And it makes sense that she would not be included as the guests list only includes close family members (and or close friends that are considered family) I would also assume judging by the information you gave us I believe it’s safe to assume that you guys weren’t together that long or your sister and your partner don’t have a close relationship if that is the case it was understandable that she wouldn’t be invited as a close friend or family member.” noahxvck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s wedding and the venue is limited. I hope your sister’s wedding is amazing and every bit as beautiful as she imagined. Your partner needs to grow up and realize the world does not revolve around her. Honestly, she sounds exhausting.” Runs13point1s
10. AITJ For Quitting My Job Without Notice And Leaving My Co-Workers Short-Handed?
“The managers kids are really rude and bossy and have no consequences for their actions, and since he got made manager despite having literally 0 experience managing, things have gone downhill very fast.
I put in my 2 week notice Sunday after his kids messed me up by forcing me to pull a double (next 3rd shift who isn’t in the managers family came in a bit early to help, but still a 14 hour shift) and I texted the manager telling him I put it in since I wouldn’t see him until Monday.
Monday comes, I finish my shift and the manager comes in and starts yelling, screaming, and cursing at me in front of customers, calling me worthless, useless, a waste of time, etc. So I told him that I won’t be putting my 2 weeks then quit then and there.
I think me being a pushover the past 3 months made him think I’d relent because he seemed genuinely shocked.
I dropped off my stuff said I’d be back in 2 days to pick up my final check, and left.
I later got a text from like 2 of the other workers that aren’t family, one calling me a jerk for ruining her scheduled vacation by quitting, and the other saying that his anger shifted onto her for no reason and she was going to quit too.
So while I don’t think I’m the jerk for quitting, am I the jerk for putting my 3 other coworkers that aren’t part of the managers family in a bad position?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course not. The only jerks here are the family who are behaving appallingly.
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm – if the others don’t like the working conditions they need to speak up or act out otherwise nothing will change. NTJ” Maximum-Ear1745
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, all circumstances aside, you have NO obligation to respect the notice, if they wanted to have you bound to any notice they should pay for the privilege or the least have a mandatory MUTUAL resignation-period.
While I am not an expert in your local labor-laws but I’m fairly certain they would not give you more than you gave them and fire you on the day if it suited them. (If I’m incorrect, someone please correct me)” Nuzvee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You stood up for yourself and decided you wouldn’t allow yourself to be treated poorly anymore. The unintended consequence for the rest of the team is theirs to deal with. I’m a recruiter, so I normally would’ve suggested you work out the notice period, nobody should feel they have to stick around for that.
Good for you! If I can help you in your job search, let me know. Hopefully you already had something lined up and are just waiting to start.” breweryjobs
9. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Home-Cooked Meals With My Cousins?
“I am a 22(M) college student.
I have just gotten into cooking and have been enjoying it lately. However, there is one problem that has been continuing that I thought would have stopped now: my mom is trying to force me to share food. This has always been a bit of a problem within my family, but it was usually just the normal thing of people taking a few of your fries off your plate at a restaurant.
It’s annoying sure, but not that big of a deal. No, the real problem comes when cooking is involved.
To cut down on the cost of ordering food, I’ve learned how to cook. For the most part, it has been going well. However, the problem is that sometimes when I do cook, my mother wants me to share my food with my cousins.
(For context, sometimes my little cousins come stay with us or we stay with their family. This is usually for about a month) Whenever she tries this, I always refuse which in turn causes her to call me selfish. She says that I can afford to give some food to them and that it makes no sense for me not to.
Now here’s the thing, I have no problem with cooking a bit extra so that they can have some food as well. However, I am always cooking enough just for myself and giving them food makes no sense to me, especially when they almost never eat all of their food to begin with.
I am of the mind that since I am the one cooking the food, I should be the one who gets to decide what happens with it. So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to talk to your mother and tell her clearly that you are a college student, and your cooking takes time and effort.
You have only so much time on your schedule. If she wants food to be that badly shared with your little cousins, you tell your mother plainly to make food for them, end of the story. If she calls you selfish, you retort back and tell her that she is being selfish and stupid.
It’s not your job to cook food for your cousins, that’s their parents’ job. Put your foot down OP.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But just a little tip. If you have a freezer, make larger meals so you can freeze in leftovers. You can save more money that way, and you don’t have to cook as often” HairyCallahan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. No, your mom shouldn’t make you share your food. It’s yours. Also, if it’s been an ongoing thing, you know it’s coming and could easily avoid the issue by just making some extra. If it’s a matter of funds, you could communicate that, and ask people to chip in.
To clarify: I’m not saying you should make large enough portions that it forces you to spend considerable extra time in the kitchen. Honestly, even when cooking for myself, I make extra so that I have more later. Leftovers are great. So why not make a bigger portion and share?” solidly_garbage
8. AITJ For Refusing To Host A Family Event Due To Sister-In-Law's Driving?
“I (25F) got into an argument with my partner, Pat (26M) this morning. His brother texted him this morning asking if we could host a family event tonight.
In the past, Pat’s sister would drive home intoxicated with the kids in the car. I have had to drive her home a few times to prevent this. Because of this, I expressed to Pat that I do not feel comfortable having his sister over at our house unless he talked to her or we had a no drinking rule or no kids rule.
He decided that he did not want to talk to his sister and did not want to implement the rules, so we decided not to have any of his family over besides his parents and grandparents.
Back to the argument: I told Pat that I did not mind hosting, as long as his sister was not going to come.
He said that would not be a guarantee and she would be bringing the kids. I did not feel comfortable with this, especially since drinking was going to be involved, and explained to him why I felt uncomfortable.
He got upset and accused me of not liking his family.
This is not true.
I also explained to him that I have a big test tomorrow morning and was planning on being in bed by 10 and hosting until late in the night would be a lot for me. He did not understand this and kept pressuring me to say yes.
I asked him to wait until therapy to re-address the issue and held firm on my “no” answer. He has been upset all day.
There are several other components to the story but this is the short version. AITJ for saying no to his family coming over?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think the bigger issue is that Pat seems perfectly okay with intoxicated driving and child endangerment. He also seems to not really care about your needs. I know you said you’re in therapy, but up to a point, it’s up to Pat to want to change or therapy is useless.
Are you okay staying with a person who puts his and his family’s needs before you?” Overall-Donut-4846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, you would still be NTJ if you noticed the sister getting intoxicated, getting into her car to drive the kids home, and calling 911 with a description of her car, the plate #, and her route home.
I have lost way too many friends over the years to intoxicated drivers to care about them.” Fantastic_Lady225
7. AITJ For Not Paying For My Daughter's Carnival Trip After The Parade?
“I (30F) took my daughter (2F) to a 4th of July parade. My family was also there.
Which included my aunt and her two grandsons (3M,6M) and my brother (25M). At the end of the parade there was a carnival. I took my daughter to the parade and the plan was to only take her to the parade not to the carnival. You could see the top of the Farris wheel from where we sat.
Of course my daughter seen it and wanted to go. The answer was no. Simply because there is also another carnival next weekend that she can go too. I did not want to pay $100 two weekend in a row. Of course my brother speaks up and tells her he will take her.
My stance was still no, I am not paying for it. He can take her and pay but I am not.
So he did. He was stuck paying for her wrist band and his own to ride with her. I did pay for her to play a game that she wanted to play.
Fast forward to this morning my mom calls me wanting to know why I wouldn’t pay for my child to go to the carnival. I told her that the only reason why she got to go was because my brother told her that he would take her.
Other than that the answer was no she could not go because she was going next weekend. My mother now thinks I’m a jerk who used my brother to pay. She also thinks I’m a jerk for taking my daughter to a parade but not wanting to take her to the carnival. Am I the jerk here?
I really don’t think I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I want to address your edit. I have two 2m and a 15f. Yes, they need to learn no and to accept it. But explaining that there is one next week that you will be going to, whether the kid understands or not, is important for later on.
Children are allowed to ask why something is happening, while still having the end result be no. Edited to add- the no means no without explanation should be towards the adults. They need to respect your parenting” SlayersGirl4Life
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. AT two years of age she does not have to go to every event available.
She was probably tired enough after the parade, so she wouldn’t have lasted long without getting over tired. $100 is a lot to pay when the child is tired by the time you arrive. You didn’t ask your brother to take her and didn’t even want her to go, so of course your brother should pay, as he offered.” Juanitaplatano
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I told her no, and that should be only answer that she needs. My child is two and doesn’t need to do everything that comes across her path. She’s my only child, my parents only grandchild and my siblings only niece.
Every time I say “no” they come running saying “yes”. Because of this. If you say no then they come running saying yes, you still said no so you can say no to them as well. If you say no then they come running and pay and you accept, it absolutely sounds like you’re manipulating or expecting them to pay.
Also the first part. I told her no so that’s all she needs? It’s a job of a parent to TEACH, they don’t understand why you said no, authoritarian isn’t being a good parent and certainly isn’t teaching your child anything. If you can’t take the effort to say we’re coming next week instead I don’t know what to say.
Being terse, insisting that a no is all you need and giving in so your no’s become yes’s when other people pay are all jerk moves.” User
6. AITJ For Banning My Ex's Partner From Being Around Our Daughter?
“My ex, we’ll call him Adam, and his on/off partner, we’ll call her Addy have a really volatile relationship. Last summer Adam broke up with her and told me a laundry list of reasons why she was awful.
She’d throw temper tantrums and go into jealous rages accusing him of wanting me because we’d text regarding our kid. I heard from a mutual friend that she dislikes our kid and would often refer to her as “your stupid daughter.”
He told me that she tore up their passports after he had to drive back to our house and drop off our kid’s beloved stuffed animal she can’t sleep without.
Addy isn’t welcome around Adam’s parents or sister because she’s awful to everyone. She is so emotionally abusive. The last time they broke up, Adam told me he had gone through official channels to make the separation official, and yet, now they’re back together.
My daughter came home saying Adam asked how she’d feel about seeing Addy again. Of course she’d be happy bc she’s 6 and has been shielded from most of the mistreatment. She’s told me she hears them fighting, sees them being affectionate in bed, and eats dinner alone while they lay around together in bed watching movies.
I told Adam that under NO circumstances is our kid to be around Addy. She can stay with him at his dads but not at Addy’s house. He agreed. He admitted to me that Addy had no intention of ever having a relationship with our kid.
But now he’s saying she can see her again.
So AITJ for texting him that I will still not allow for any interaction or contact with Addy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure where you are but if there is a custody order in place, perhaps get that altered to him having only supervised visits since you don’t want your daughter around that volatile situation.
Your ex is choosing to be with a woman who dislikes his child, that should tell you that visits should be supervised as he does not have good judgement.” DontAskMeChit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ !! How can he possibly be sweet on someone who thinks that of and says that about his daughter?
And want her in his life? When the head that’s on his shoulders knows why she’s awful? With the rift between Addy and ex’s parents and sis? Continue to shield your daughter from Addy!! Right on.” ForwardFootball3402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Adam’s parental rights are fully equal to yours, and he can decide who to associate with during his parenting time.
You can provide all the input/suggestions you want, but you have zero legal power to “ban” a person from seeing your daughter while she is with her other parent.” superflex
5. AITJ For Buying My Ex's Mother Her Dream House?
“I had/have a great relationship with my ex’s mother. She let me stay in her home when I was homeless and had nothing and no one.
I see her as a 2nd mom to me and we still keep in contact even after a rather acrimonious breakup with my ex almost 2 years ago. Before breaking up I’d always promised her that one day I’d buy her dream house for her when I had enough money as a thank you to her.
It’s the house she used to work at as a maid/nanny and she always wanted it to show how far she’d come from those times.
Its been an amazing couple of years for me career-wise and financially and so back in February I approached the owners of the house, shmoozed them a bit explaining the importance of the house and gave them an offer.
They said they’d consider it and come back to me if interested and just over 3 weeks ago they finally called asking if the offer still stood. I contacted my ex’s mother to explain what was going on and if she’d accept the gift and she was obviously very happy and in disbelief.
We’ve crossed the is and dotted the ts and now we’re simply waiting for the plane to land. The only complication is my ex. She’s recently found out about the purchase and that I’m the one behind it and she’s expectedly not too happy. She thinks it wasn’t my place and I hijacked her chance of eventuating her mother’s dream as her daughter.
It’s caused quite the stir. I feel like I was just fulfilling my own promise to her and just showing her my appreciation and shouldn’t have had to get permission from or consult her but to be fair I do see where she’s coming from.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – this is just a normal conflict where people have reasonable responses. The daughter obviously feels sad that she couldn’t buy the house her mother had been asking for. Your ex’s mother, since she is your ex’s mother, makes the mother your friend more than anything.
Buying a gift for a friend is more than acceptable.” Responsible-Arm6116
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a person outside of being your ex’s mum and it sounds like a person who you still have a very special relationship with. I’m in a similar situation with one of my mum’s ex partner’s who I still keep in regular contact with and see as more of a father figure than my real father who I dont talk to.
If I was in the position to buy him something to improve his life to pay him back for all he’s done for me then I would certainly do so. You used your own money to do something nice for someone who has been an important part of your life.
It’s not up to your ex to decide what you should use your money for. If her mother was happy to accept the gift then that’s between her and you.” Agitated_Horse24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did a wonderful thing for your ex’s mother and she is happy about it.
With that being said I believe that your ex is jealous and embarrassed that she was unable to do this for her mom. Don’t let your ex’s insecurities ruin a wonderful moment for you and her mother.” SeaField7201
4. AITJ For Planning To Ruin My MIL's White Dress At My Friend's Wedding?
“I (31M) have a friend (29F) getting married in 3 weeks. All the wedding planning has been going great and I’ve been helping her with everything I can so the experience could be less stressful for her. The only problem she seems to be having is her MIL.
From the moment the lady found out that her son was engaged to my friend she tried her best to make the experience a living nightmare. I don’t exactly know what the her problem is but from what my friend had told me, she has a weird attachment issue with all 3 of her sons (she also has 2 daughters).
Her MIL has tried to change the wedding venue, the theme of the wedding and other things as well (she’s not paying for anything). My friend is completely tired of her MIL but was finally at her last straw when she heard from a family member that her MIL was planning on wearing an all white dress to the wedding.
MIL reason of wearing the dress was because “she is an important woman in his life.” Which is complete nonsense.
My friend had asked me a few days ago if anything did happen could I deal with it. I understand that my friend was tired of dealing with her MIL so I told her I would.
I had told my friend about the stories I’ve heard about people pouring red wine on people who wore white to a wedding that wasn’t the bride so I suggested that. My friend completely agreed.
The reason I’m asking if IWBTJ is because I told another friend (who’s also helping with the wedding) about the plan and they told me that it would be a jerk move from me to do that to the groom’s mother so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ This would be YOU exacerbating the situation by causing a scene. The groom needs to deal with his mom in advance of the wedding. This is something for the bride and groom to come to a consensus on together, NOT your problem to solve at the wedding.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Obviously the MIL sucks. I know this is a thing people say they would do. But don’t do it. It would be a jerk move to do. And even if it feels justified, it’s still jerk move. You will cause a scene, and it’ll make you look bad.
I know you want to help your friend. But this is HER problem, not yours. And throwing red wine on her husband’s mother is not going to fix anything. Your friend needs to sit down with her fiance and explain what the problems are. HE needs to handle his mother, not her and certainly not you.
If he doesn’t deal with it, honestly, she should reconsider marrying him. If he won’t stand up for his wife to his mother now, he never will. And he’s not the kind of man she should want to marry.” TheGirlInOz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ bordering on Everyone sucks here.
While a noble cause, premeditating throwing wine on someone is kinda a jerk move. Firstly the groom should be able to stand up to this behavior from his Mom. If he can’t convince or stand up to her have security first screen for people wearing white and only use the red wine thing as a last resort.” poillord
3. AITJ For Calling My Brother's Partner A Gold Digger?
“My (20F) brother, Jack (24M) has been in a relationship with Anna (20F) for 2 years now. Jack doesn’t tell us much about his love life so we’ve only known about her for a few months.
Anna is weird. She doesn’t know how to write or read doesn’t speak a lot and when she does she speaks like a child. We thought she was just shy at first, but apparently she is like that with everyone. She doesn’t have a lot of friends, other people ignore her or don’t like her, and she doesn’t seem to care that much.
Jack says it’s because of some mental problems she has, but she really is just rude. For example, every time we ask her a question about her life she answers “I don’t know” and laughs at us.
Anna lives with Jack, she works in a farm but doesn’t earn a lot so Jack is paying for everything.
My family and I didn’t care, it’s his money, however he started to buy her a lot of things not so long ago. Jewelries, clothes, all kind of stuff. For example he offered her a ring that costs 240€ recently.
Last week Jack and Anna came to my mother’s house to spend some time with her, and Anna was impolite, again.
This time, my mom was angry and asked what was wrong with her, Anna didn’t answer and just stared at my mother for a minute. They all started to argue, then my mom asked them to leave, and I said to Jack he deserved a better partner, not a gold digger.
Now he doesn’t want to speak to me and my mom, but some family members thinks I shouldn’t have said that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Anna’s behavior may not be normal to you but you have no idea why she is like that. She can’t write or read- she may be illiterate but it can also be a sign of a really bad childhood.
The fact that she doesn’t answer questions about her life could also be a sign of that but of course that just COULD be the case. However your brother even said it’s a mental thing-she may have development issues or whatever and yet you think you know her better than everyone else and thinks it’s not true, she is just rude??
Girl YOU are the rude one. You literally got told there are medical reasons for this. And frankly, with such a rude and demanding family like you, I wouldn’t want to disclose that medical information either. Your mom screamed at her and demanded to know what’s wrong with her?
And SHE is impolite and rude?? She works, her partner buys her gifts and she is a gold digger for that? You are all horrible except your brother and his partner” itsyoirll
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stop caring so much about your brother’s own personal life and focus on your own.
It’s his money and he can spend it however he pleases. I find it sweet that he’s buying gifts for his partner. You need to chill and reconsider before you speak.” cutebaby667
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Eating My Prepared Watermelon?
“I (24f)and my partner (50m) are expecting a baby in November so I am 21 week pregnant. Anyways yesterday we went grocery shopping and me and my cravings I picked up a watermelon. I later that day had cut up some and shared with everyone who wanted some and offered to my partner, he said he was fine without it.
So I prepared myself a bowl of chopped up watermelon and made it how I wanted it and placed it in the fridge to get cold and had planned on coming back to it. Later that night I ended up not eating it because we had a big dinner so we went to bed afterwards.
The next day which is today I and preparing dinner and in and out of the fridge I noticed that he had already ate the quarter slice I left (FOR HIM) and he still ate MINE…. So I yelled but not too much and I calmed down and stopped caring because there was more in there remember I am 21 weeks pregnant and emotionally crazy rn Iykyk … anyways I got over it.
Edit: even later that night I was laying in bed and he came in the room and we started talking about important stuff and then out of nowhere he asks “why did you get so mad when I ate your watermelon, I paid for it, and there’s more in there.
So basically just picked a argument. I told him at that moment I was upset because I made that for myself and you ate it while I was at work and I’m like I’m exhausted and emotional and I spazzed a little. I even apologized and he continued to yell at me and now he’s mad and sleeping in the other room.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re pregnant with his baby, so he owes you support, including all the watermelon you want. He should also be cutting up the watermelon for you, especially after he ate what you prepared. You’re working hard making a baby, _and_ you have a job.
Most importantly, he shouldn’t yell at a pregnant woman – that’s threatening and unacceptable. This guy sounds immature for a 50 year old.” Owl_plantain
Another User Comments:
“You’re telling me a 50 year old man knocked up a woman half his age and he is being manipulative and controlling?
Shut the front door! Next you’ll be telling me that he told you that you’re so mature for your age and that women in his peer group don’t understand him… You’re NTJ. But please make better choices.” SirenSingsOfDoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for recognizing the issue your part in it and apologizing also I pay for it argument if you would’ve not done that you would be the jerk but you show more love , understanding and emotional maturity and E. intelligence then him twice your age , also does tantrums can sometimes be of age and generational differences if he acts out like this things may be getting worse if not addressed” Commercial-Award-544
1. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Watching My Partner's Snakes After He Refused To Watch My Dog?
“For a bit of context, my partner (20M) and I (20F) live separately.
I keep his snakes (2 of them) at my apartment because the person he lives with has a cat who is known to kill all sorts of other animals. We didn’t want them to be killed so I watch them along with my snake. Three snakes in total. I feed and water them all.
I also buy the food because it’s pretty cheap and I don’t mind.
I also have a dog. My apartments are having inspections next week, and the landlord said the inspection team will be taking pictures of each room to document condition of the apartment.
We aren’t allowed to have more than 2 animals, my lease doesn’t say anything about reptiles, but I don’t want to risk it. My dog is not documented on the lease (my roommate has 2 animals who are documented).
We could be fined (I’m guessing) or something for violating that part of the lease so I asked my partner if he could have my dog at his house for one day while they inspect my apartment (she is kennel trained) and I could get her after work.
He said no. Didn’t give a reason.
I would also have to hide his snakes but I was just thinking of sliding their tanks under my bed since they fit. But now I don’t think I want to, since I’ve been watching them for months and he won’t watch my dog for a day (less than 10 hrs since I will drop her off before work and pick her up after).
WIBTJ if I give him his snakes and stop watching them?
I think I might be just because I’ve been watching them for so long and they’re not really a bother.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s a pretty sad lack of reciprocity on his part.
10 months is a very long time to take care of his snakes even before you get to the issue of the house inspection. He needs to understand that you could actually be evicted if your agent/landlord is a stickler for the rules.” Sweeper1985
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But your BF sure is. You’ve been watching his snakes for months and months plus paying for their food and he won’t watch your dog for one day? Yeah. I would drop the snakes off tonight and tell your BF he needs to make other plans going forward.
And for your pets, I would arrange to take your dog to doggie daycare for one day, and slide your snake under the bed for the day of the inspection. One snake will be way easier to hide than three. And don’t go back to snake-sitting for him.
You are not a snake-sitting service and if your BF cannot do you a SIMPLE favor for ten hours when you have watched his multiple pets for months, that tells you he is using you, plain and simple.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for choosing to get so offended by your partner’s response that you go straight to planning on refusing to take care of his pets rather than just asking him why he can’t.
A* communication there The fact he didn’t give you a reason doesn’t mean there isn’t one. He has a roommate with a cat, it’s not something he can just say yes to. Maybe try talking to him before completely nuking your relationship” Valuable-Wallaby-167
