People Question "Am I The Jerk?" In These Tricky Situations
22. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Reserved Party Venue For A Last-Minute Wedding?
“I (33f) planned a surprise party for my husband’s 40th birthday over Labor Day weekend. Inviting friends and his family from out of state. Our building has a seldom used large rec room with outside space. For a fee reservations can be made at the front desk concierge or via the resident’s app. I reserved all day of the 4th back in July via the concierge.
Saturday morning a friend and I find decorations on the tables and food out when we went to decorate the room. Assuming this was left over from the night before I went down to the front desk and asked they send someone up to help clean from the night before (a service covered by the deposit).
When I get back my friend is in an argument with a group of people. The group claims it’s reserved by them for a wedding. We go back and forth a bit – neither of us backing down.
The man sent up to clean grabbed the concierge who confirmed I had the reservation for Saturday the 4th.
One group member (assuming the groom) claims they booked via the app in May, but do not have a confirmation email and when asked for any proof of deposit he said “it’s free to use.” To me, it’s evident they’d never booked it or did not complete the booking. The space is free only without reservation.
It’s now 10 am their wedding is supposed to be at 2, my guests arrive at 6. The group suggests I move to the next day. Not possible, we had other plans. They propose using the space for their wedding until 5:30 pm. Again I said no. The bride whines that it’s not fair; they had to postpone from 2020, all venues are booked now, and how she settled for this setup so she could get married before she can’t fit into her dress because she’s pregnant.
My friend and I don’t buy it. My reply was along the lines of, “Why book this room 4 months out if you were only settling on it because you’re pregnant? Your failure to plan and ‘pregnancy’ are entirely your problem. As is finding a new venue.” My friend suggested they try to use the space by the grills and pool.
The concierge had them moved citing the reservation and deposit in my name. My husband’s party went as planned and was a great time.
Today a neighbor and I were unlucky enough to be in the elevator with the bride, when getting out she audibly muttered “jerk” at me. I filled her in on the drama.
She sides with the couple saying I should have just moved our party to the grills since it was only a birthday. The thing is I paid the deposit, we cannot have booze by the pool and I wanted to make use of the pool tables and shuffleboards in the rec room. But now I have doubts if I was a jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bridezilla should have actually planned her wedding instead of assuming the room wouldn’t be used. You paid money to reserve it. Not your problem.” mzpljc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for it, you’ve got the proof. End of discussion. Why should you have to change your plans? Sucks for the couple but at some point, the fact that they didn’t have a confirmation email ought to have been a red flag that something went wrong.” boxer_lvr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for it you get to use it. You hit every point correctly as well. An emergency on their part isn’t an emergency on yours. It’s their fault for not confirming the reservation. If it was me and I never received an email back I would be calling until I got one.
Another red flag is they never put money down. What place lets you rent it out without putting money down first? Since they never put money down and you did you get the spot and the employee even confirmed that you reserved it. Don’t listen to others that say you were the jerk. You’re not the jerk here, hope you enjoyed the party.” Finalbladestyle
21. AITJ For Letting My Foster Daughters Speak Spanish At Home?
“My husband and I have been fostering Maya (8f) and Juliana (6f) for almost 2 years and are in the process of adopting them.
Maya’s and Juliana’s first language is Spanish and both girls are more comfortable speaking Spanish than English and prefer to speak Spanish when they’re with us.
I’m not fluent in Spanish but I can usually speak to the girls in Spanish without any problems. My husband, on the other hand, didn’t know any Spanish when we first started fostering them and he doesn’t want the girls to speak Spanish at home.
We came to a compromise that they’ll speak English around him but they can still speak whatever language they want to me and to each other. This worked for a while but lately he’s been getting frustrated if he hears me talk to them in Spanish.
The girls have copies of most of their books in both English and Spanish and on Saturday, I took them out for a girl’s day and we got our nails done, went out to eat, and went shopping.
When we came back, the Spanish copies of their books were in a bag in front of the front door. I asked my husband about it and he said he gave them away on Buy Nothing since the girls have the same books in English and don’t need 2 copies.
I took the girls to their room to put their books and new toys and dresses away and started to get them ready for bed (we were out a little late so it was almost their bedtime).
After they were asleep, my husband and I got into a huge argument over him trying to give away their books. He thinks it was justified because he doesn’t speak Spanish and thinks it shouldn’t be spoken in the house.
He’s now sleeping in the guest room and we’re not speaking except about the girls.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is, though. Your daughters’ first language is Spanish and it’s an important and valuable part of their heritage. He should be trying to learn the language himself, not trying to take their culture away from them.” Arbor_Arabicae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are working hard to make sure the girls you are fostering are comfortable and are supporting them in keeping in touch with their culture.
You’ve even tried to compromise by agreeing that you’ll speak English around him. Your husband is a jerk. I know languages can be hard, but he’s not making any effort and because he doesn’t like it he has unilaterally decided it’s going to be abolished. Tread carefully here, what your husband is doing can be detrimental to your foster children.
It’s one thing to be stubborn and not learn Spanish, it’s another to abolish it and remove traces of it.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I get that your husband is frustrated hearing everyone else in the house speak a language that he doesn’t. You know what the mature response is, though? HE CAN LEARN IT.
He has had TWO YEARS with them in his house. At the very least he could learn their language a little (good morning, how are you, how was school, are you hungry, etc), and giving away their books is incredibly cruel. I think that your initial compromise was reasonable, that they speak English with him and Spanish with you.
But honestly, how can he not have even tried to communicate with your foster daughters in their native language? I’ve never been a great linguist, but even I could pick up a few basic words in my great-aunt’s language after two days in her house. These girls have been through enough trauma being away from their family; let them continue to have the comfort of speaking Spanish to you.” macladybulldog
20. AITJ For Letting My Adopted Nephew Call Me Dad Because He's Ashamed Of His Parents?
“Five years ago when I was 21, my brother and his wife were sentenced to more than 20 years of prison.
This left their then 2 y.o. son, “Danny”, in my care. Due to the circumstances, I was given his full custody, and I have also legally adopted him since. As far as I’m concerned, he’s my kid. However, I got him when he began talking, and he called me “Uncle OP” and I never addressed myself in any other way to him.
Three days ago, he came back from school in tears and he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I thought he was bullied or something like that, so I called his teacher to ask what’s up. She was cagey at first, but then very apologetically told me that the class was supposed to write about their parents.
Some jerk kids teased him because he refused to tell them why he wrote about me instead of his mom and dad. I talked to Danny and managed to get the rest of the story from him. During it all, he said something along the lines of “why can’t I just call you dad?”
Now, that might be just him venting, and I’m taking this way too far. I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the sound of it. But also, I’ve been trying really hard to at least keep him aware of his parents’ existence. I always write Christmas cards and take photos of him on his birthday to send to his parents, and I keep him involved in it, even if only to write his name at the bottom of the letter.
Neither of us is enthusiastic about it, but I want to be able to say that “we tried,” if that makes sense.
If he had asked to call me “dad” because that’s genuinely how he sees me, I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat. But he didn’t. It was less a genuine want and more out of shame of his parents—which I get, really.
It’s hard to be sympathetic knowing what they did, but he didn’t, and if I had any say, he won’t for a long time. I know I wouldn’t be the jerk if I let him call me whatever he wants out of love, but would I still be justified if I let him call me “dad” out of spite for his parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t really think that it’s spite though, he’s still very young, might be worthwhile having that “buddy, if you wanna call me dad, that’s your choice and I would definitely be okay with whatever you decide” talk if you’re down for it.” Far-Honey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. not sure how you feel about it, but legally your nephew is your son.
and you’re all he’s ever known for a parent so it is 100% valid of him to want to call you dad. if that’s what he wants, and what you’re comfortable with, you would be absolutely in the right.” periiiiidot
Another User Comments:
“You’re his dad. Accept it. Here’s the thing– he sees you as Dad.
I can honestly say, as someone who has been adopted, having a dad is an important thing. My father wasn’t even the same race that I was, didn’t look remotely like me, but when other people, mostly peers, questioned this, (“Who was that guy you were walking with? We saw you at the mall.”), I was firm that he was my dad.
Because he put in the time and helped raise me in his way. Please don’t think of this as an ‘out of spite’ adaptation… your nephew is being treated as your son and deserves to be able to say “my dad”. I’m sorry your brother and wife were sentenced, and that must be difficult, but seriously— anything you can do to show your nephew that you will stand by him is important.
Please, please…. don’t question his motives. He needs a dad and you are fitting the bill. YWNBTJ. He has no other alternatives for parents that don’t bring him shame. Embrace this for the present.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Hiding My Kitchen Utensils From My Messy Roommate?
“I (25 f) moved into a new dorm a few weeks ago and met my two new roommates, let’s call them Julia and Hannah.
Now Julia isn’t great when it comes to doing her dishes, she has a habit of leaving all her stuff in the sink, sometimes for days and leaving her cutting boards full of leftovers on the cou*ter. We have talked to her several times about how this has given us problems with flies and she promises to be better but never does.
She also never bought a kitchen knife.
Due to her often running out of clean dishes (and not owning certain items), she has started using our stuff, especially my knives and cutting boards since I have the top drawer and I guess it’s easier. The problem I have with this is that she never cleans it either and I have to scrub away her leftovers when I need to use it.
I have told her several times that she needs to stop taking my things. The last time we talked I was a bit snappy with her and she started to cry and told me that she can’t afford to buy a good knife due to all her money going towards food and rent. I felt guilty for losing my temper and perhaps naively asked her to at least clean them after she used them.
Last weekend was my birthday so I went on a small road trip with my friends, when I came back on Monday I found all of my things covered in dry chocolate, I think Julia might have baked. This was my boiling point, I angrily scrubbed it off, and then I just put everything in my room, I have since then bought a plastic box.
However Julia is furious at me, she texted me and asked me where my things were and when I answered that they would be kept in my room from now on she became furious. She has angrily banged on my door several times while screaming about how I am killing her by letting her starve, she blew up my phone with angry texts u*til I blocked her.
Now she is taking Hannah’s stuff and she called me a jerk for creating a hostile living situation and is telling me to apologize, put my things back, and deal with it u*til Christmas break. I am starting to feel really guilty for causing this drama and thinking that I really overreacted. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are roommates, that does not entitle her to use your stuff whenever she wants, especially cause she is rude and disrespectful towards it, by not cleaning. Not only does she force you to clean up after her, but she could also be damaging your knife if she leaves stuff on the blade for a long period of time.
That being said, I think you and the roommates need to sit down and have a serious conversation to come up with a solution. Because this is not a good environment to live in. Maybe you guys can all throw in some money for some common utensils, you can literally buy knives for $1 at the dollar store.
And then have a hard rule of whoever uses the kitchen needs to clean up everything within the hour, no exceptions.” bcelos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s basic common decency to give back something that belongs to someone else in the same condition it was before. One time could have been a mistake, but this cleaning issue is something that has been going on for a while and was the subject of many discussions.
She clearly does not respect your opinion nor your belongings, so she does not deserve to have access to those.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Hijacked My Sweet 16 Birthday Party?
“My (16f) birthday was in August. It started off great – my mom told me she had a whole week planned, and it started off by surprising me with my sibling (17nb) whom I haven’t seen in three years.
We went to St. Augustine, which is my favorite city in the world and we had a really great time. Then my mom says for my actual birthday we’re going down to Orlando. Before I give details on the actual night of my birthday, let me give some background of why I was initially disappointed.
In 2020, I did nothing for my birthday. My mom had just had gastric bypass revision surgery 2 months before and was still on bed rest. My best friend was in Disney with her friend. My dad wouldn’t do anything for me, even made me cook dinner FOR HIM. After that flop of a birthday, I started planning my own for my 16th.
Since I was little, I ALWAYS wanted the great birthday party I had seen since forever for my sweet 16. I always wanted to wear the princess dress and for one night feel like the most important person in the world. After last year’s disaster, I made a Pinterest board with the theme and colors I wanted (added my mom and best friend so they could see it) and sent catering/venue costs to my mom.
I stopped when she said she’d handle it.
Back to this year, we get to the venue and I find out it’s a murder mystery dinner show. “Okay, not a party.. but still sounds fun! I wonder which of my friends she invited” were my thoughts as we walked in. Due to price costs, she only invited a select amount of people.
I would find out that these were
- my aunt (51f) and my cousin (12m)
- my mom’s best friend (40sF) and her daughter (10f)
- my mom’s friend from high school (40sF)
No one I was actually friends with was there except my sibling. Then, as the actual event started, my mom started wanting to do everything.
We had to pick a representative from our table to question suspects and collect everyone’s thoughts on who did it and why. My mom IMMEDIATELY volunteered to do it, knowing it’s something I love doing since I love solving murder mysteries. I felt completely alone there except for my sibling being next to me. Eventually, I got up and went to the bathroom to just cry, because the whole night was feeling like it was more for my mom than me.
In the end, none of the people my mom invited gave me any sort of birthday present (her bsf later gave me $40 and my aunt didn’t give me anything because she was waiting on my mom to tell her the specific attachments she needed to buy for my new Kitchenaid).
Afterward, I started feeling really bad.
Like, my mom did all of this for me and I feel like I was a jerk for not appreciating it since she did the best she could. I stopped really expecting a party as things got worse, but I at least wanted to do SOMETHING with my friends, you know? Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This wasn’t a party for you. It was a party because of you for HER. She might say it was for you. But in reality, it was her party. You just happened to have a birthday she could use as an excuse. You were basically a bystander to it. Next year. Don’t tell your plans.
Just do your own thing with your friends.” XaryenMaelstrom
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go ahead and say NTJ. This wasn’t a party for you, and if it was it was done in a very, very wrong way. For your sake OP I hope your mom isn’t like this constantly. Next year, don’t let her in on your plans if she’s gonna act up like that.
Although it might be good to explain you’ll be busy that day so she doesn’t plan ahead without you, and you end up having to decline one of two birthday parties.” GarlicMayosaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t invite any of your friends and didn’t even tell you where you were going. Just tell her that if she is so out-of-touch that the idea of a great sweet sixteen involves inviting middle-aged women and their ten and twelve-year-old daughters to watch your mom take over the entire thing and make herself the center of attention, she shouldn’t be surprised if you do the same on her birthday.
Remember to invite only your friends to her birthday, and don’t tell her anything about it beforehand.” meezerbear9
17. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Estranged Sister More Money?
“I (34f) am the eldest of 9 siblings. My sister Sara (24, fake name) and I aren’t close. I love all of my siblings and I am close with all of them except for her.
Growing up, she wouldn’t introduce me to her friends and would refuse to acknowledge me at family gatherings over the years. In short, she was distant from me but not my other siblings.
After I moved out of my parent’s house, Sara and I grew further apart and didn’t see each other except at family functions.
She would ignore my attempts at reaching out and/or including her in anything that my other siblings and I did together. She didn’t come to my wedding and didn’t even know that I’d gotten divorced until 2 years later.
She refused to accept my requests to add her to social media, and never responded to any calls or texts.
It hurt but I didn’t want to push, thinking that she might eventually come around so long as I kept the door open.
A year ago, she finally accepted my social media request and sent me a DM. It started out as just a “Hey Sis how are you?” After some awkward small talk, I learned that she’s not doing well financially due to her partner losing his job.
She asked me if I could lend her some $ as she was short on groceries. I agreed and told her that she didn’t have to pay me back. I sent what she asked for and a bit extra. She thanked me and asked if we could visit for a proper catch-up. I agreed and we set it up.
The visit came and went and she didn’t show up or answer my calls/texts. I assumed that something had come up and texted that she let me know when we could reschedule.
2 days later, she DM’d saying her cellphone had been cut off for non-payment. She asked for help to get it reconnected and said she’d pay me back when she could.
I agreed and sent it to her. A few days later and she asked for more money. I sent her the money again but told her that I can’t send anything else until she pays me back because I didn’t have any more that I could spare.
I felt like I’d been used. Then one day she asked for cab fare.
I said that I’d pick her up and drive her myself. She got angry and accused me of not trusting her. She blasted me on the family group chat saying that I was refusing to help her and that I was selfish.
Sara recently posted something about how she loves her family and how much they to her.
She tagged all of my siblings except for me. 5 minutes later, she sent me a text asking me for money for diapers, and I lost it.
I asked her why she only ever contacts me when she wants money and that I was feeling used. She denied it and said she was angry that I could accuse her of such a thing.
I sent her screenshots to prove it. She said “Just forget it then”. I tried to apologize for being rude, and she ignored me.
A few days ago, she asked for help paying for rent and offered to repay the loan as soon as she could.
I could help but I don’t want to. I feel like I’m being used. It hurts that she only ever contacts me when she wants money.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do you feel bad for accurately calling her out for using you? Like TOTALLY NTJ. Please stop funding her life. You’re so desperate for a relationship with her that you’re allowing her to manipulate you into giving money. Don’t fall for that crap.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and jeez girl, she’s used you so many times for cash there really shouldn’t be any doubt that’s what she is doing.
You can’t buy her love, and frankly I don’t know why you’d want to, she sounds awful.” Im_a_surly_duck
16. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Pierce My Daughter's Ears?
“I (31) and my husband, J (34) have a daughter, C (10 months). Since she was born my MIL has been on me asking me when I’m going to have her ears pierced. C will not be having her ears pierced until she asks for it (so definitely not yet when she can’t even speak). She says it’s hypocritical of me considering all the piercings I have (several piercings on both ears, plus my nose), but my own mother wouldn’t let me even get my earlobes pierced until I was 10.
MIL had both SILs pierced when they were tiny, and she keeps going on about how “it’s better because they won’t remember it”. J says he supports whatever decision I make on the matter because I’m the one who would have to clean it (I stay home with C, J works full time).
So a few weeks ago, MIL was looking after C for us because I was going with J to his uncle’s funeral. As I was coming down the stairs I heard MIL talking to C about how “they’re going to go out shopping and get her some pretty earrings”. I went into the room and told her in no uncertain terms that that would not be happening, and if I can’t trust her to respect my decisions about my own daughter I would find someone else to look after her (I managed to get my sister to watch her).
MIL keeps trying to arrange to have her for a few hours, she even tried to offer to have her overnight so J and I can go out. I refused, I told MIL she could come and visit her, but I no longer trusted her not to get her ears pierced behind my back, so she wouldn’t be seeing her unsupervised. J and my SILs think I’m overreacting, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OF COURSE her children think you’re overreacting — they were raised by this human bulldozer and don’t know any better. Their opinions on boundaries can’t be trusted. Also, the idea that your husband defers to you b/c YOU would be solely responsible for the care and cleaning just b/c you stay home?
Like… is he incapable of holding a Q-tip between the hours of 6 and 8 PM? My point is that she is his daughter, too, and he absolutely has a vested interest in whether his mother goes behind BOTH of your backs to do this. I don’t envy you — this is what you’ll be dealing with in one way or another for a looooong time.” NomNom83WasTaken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just the fact that your MIL hasn’t apologized and promised that she’ll respect your wishes, pretty much guarantees she’s still planning to go around you (not to mention the unsupervised time blocks she wants). I think your instincts are totally justified. I’d demand an apology and a promise not to get your daughter’s ears pierced, in writing, to even consider allowing unsupervised access going forward.” BikingAimz
That said, I did my kids' ears early to avoid the drama/nagging/meltdowns I watched my sister's go through with their daughters over the whole esr piercing thing and it ended up biting me hard.
Turns out. Both of them have a nickel allergy. Even surgical steel has traces of nickel that can trigger a reaction if the allergy is sensitive enough. It was...
So cutesy little cheap jewelry was out, mil gave the cutesy earrings,, they ended up getting infected, it was a mess.
Stick to your guns.
15. AITJ For Calling Out A Classmate Who Threw Away My Sentimental Binder Cover?
“I (20m) am a college student. I never throw away my stuff if it’s not broken enough. I don’t change my school furniture every year because it would be a waste of time and resources if it’s still working.
Anyway, I’ve used the same binder since I was in middle school since it’s in quite good condition.
The cover page was a white sheet with my name on the top left corner but there was a guy in middle school who just drew some stick men on it. He sat next to me during the whole year for one class and we became friends (we were not that close but still). He would draw a new stick man on it every day.
He was a pretty funny guy. At the end of the year, the page had stick men everywhere and I loved it. The kid died in a car crash a few months later. I’ve kept this binder and still use it. There are still my name and my former class written at the top of the cover page and all of the stickmen.
So there’s a girl who’s sitting next to me this year and she would often point out to me that it’s childish and I’m not in middle school anymore so she suggested I get rid of the cover page. I told her no multiple times but didn’t feel like I had to explain why (none of her business).
Last week I went out to use the restroom during the break, leaving all my stuff on my desk and when I came back, there was no cover page anymore. I was mad and immediately asked her what she had done (she was chatting with 3 of her friends), she shrugged it off and said she threw it away.
I found it in the trash can and took it back but she tore it apart so now I have four pieces of paper.
I was really mad and loudly called her names. I explained that it had a very personal meaning to me and told her everything. I was really loud, everyone in the classroom heard me.
One of her friends was embarrassed and suggested she apologize. She dismissed it, said my friend died over 5 years ago so I shouldn’t be grieving anymore and I have pictures of him so it wasn’t that important, she was still sure she did the right thing. She literally told me to “grow up”. I was mad at her and told her she shouldn’t have touched my stuff in the first place.
Now I was confident I had every reason to be mad at her because you don’t touch (let alone throw away) things that don’t belong to you but everyone there was glaring at us and I’m not sure about who they were angry at. I kinda feel like she couldn’t have known about my friend.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. In fact, I suggest you keep it up until she apologizes. Tape it back together. Flatten it out as best you can. Put it right back where it was. Sit right next to her every day. “Check it out. You know my dead friend’s drawings that you tore up and threw away for no reason?
I taped it up and put it back. I think it adds some interest. The story has a villain now.” “OH I AM SORRY FOR TALKING, PROFESSOR! MY BAD! I WAS JUST TELLING HER I TAPED UP MY DEAD FRIEND’S DRAWING AFTER SHE TORE IT UP AND THREW IT IN THE TRASH!”” dancing_chinese_kid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Really not sure why you’re in doubt on that point, honestly. “you don’t touch (let alone throw away) things that don’t belong to you.” Exactly. You don’t need an explanation for why your binder’s cover page looks the way it does, let alone a tragic backstory. It’s your binder. She doesn’t get to mess with it because she doesn’t like it for her own bizarre reasons.
If you have assigned seating in this class, I would talk to the teacher about changing it and make it clear it’s because you can’t trust this person around your property. If not, then just steer clear of her from now on and go talk to campus security if she refuses to let you do that.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Telling My Future MIL We Won't Be Having Kids?
“I (28F) and my fiancé (29M) have our wedding set for July 2022. We have a ton of planning that we still need to get done, but we are both very excited. I grew up basically raising my younger brother and sister as my parents were always working and almost never home. My brother and sister went off to college and are living on their own.
I decided that I did not want kids in the future.
My fiancé and I have talked about the future and about kids. We did have some differences about the topic of kids, but he told me that he gave it some thought and was fine with not having kids. His parents are very much in our lives and will ask constantly if we are going to have kids.
His sister (32F) and husband (33M) unfortunately are unable to have kids. As a result, his mother has put everything onto me as the one to give her grandchildren.
The holidays came around and we were all spending the holidays at his parent’s house. We are planning on building a house a year after the wedding and were talking about current ideas for the house.
Fiancé’s mother asks what about some bedrooms for your future kids? My fiancé groans and says mom, can you please drop the subject of kids? She gets defensive and says well, since your sister and her husband can’t have any, you and OP are my only options. I had enough and said I will not be having kids in the future.
His mother knocks over her glass and looks at me saying the holiday is over. Everyone can leave now.
Fiancé and I quickly left and spent the ride back talking about the evening. We talked everything out and he was upset with my response. He thinks I should have just lied and changed the subject.
His mother had sent a few messages to me calling me out for making a decision without consulting them. It has gone as far as her saying that her son deserves a woman who will have kids with him.
AITJ for telling my future MIL we won’t be having kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your fiancé needs to grow up and tell his mom himself.
You have zero obligation to be, for lack of a better term, ‘closeted,’ let alone have to lie, just to appease his mom so he doesn’t have to put on his big boy pants. And he should never have let this be an issue in the first place. As this is his family, it is his responsibility to ensure they never cause you any problems at all.
His mom is a just no and he has no spine. Call it off. There are plenty better men out there. A worthwhile man would have shut her nonsense down before she even started, not groaned like a child, and certainly not act like you should be a doormat to it all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But OP, I don’t think your fiance is on board with being child-free as you are. Evidence 1: wanted you to lie to their mom (aka not ready to be “out” about their choice) Evidence 2: “We did have some differences about the topic of kids, but he told me that he gave it some thought and was fine with not having kids.” Point 2 does not scream of a man who’s 100% certain that he does not want children.
It sounds like he changed his mind because it is what you wanted, so he decided he had to be okay with it to stay with you. This sounds like a recipe for resentment, disrespect, and a messy divorce.” Ravioli_meatball19
13. AITJ For Ignoring My Attention-Seeking Bridesmaid On My Wedding Day?
“I was recently married! My now husband and I opted for a very simple ceremony and reception: decorations, music, food, my dress, etc. “Nice and easy” was jokingly our “theme.”
We agreed on four people for each side of the wedding party. I picked my best friend for my maid of honor and two family members for bridesmaids.
I had one more friend I could ask, (I’ll call her Jessica), but I had an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that she would complain, be judgmental, or do something to make the day about her. I figured we were good friends and that maybe I was just being a pessimist so I asked her to be a part of my wedding party as well.
But the day before the wedding, Jessica was in a MOOD. She stood off by herself while the rest of us were setting up decorations and tables. She didn’t want to talk to anyone and she just had a poor attitude unless someone was giving her one-on-one attention.
The big day came and it was time to get ready for the wedding!
Long story short, I was the last of everyone to be ready for my wedding. I did Jessica’s hair for her, which took literally an hour because she refused to put pins in her own hair where she thought it felt “loose” even though I, apparently, kept putting them in the wrong spots. I almost started crying.
The minutes going by seemed like seconds on the clock and I needed to start getting ready, but we’ll all be darned if Jessica has to put hairspray around her own hair. After that, she was asked to start her own makeup because I needed to get ready myself. Jessica was livid and, when I left the room, told someone she just likes to be “pampered at weddings” and was upset that she had to do something herself.
(This had been explained to everyone months beforehand…simple wedding, right?)
During the reception, Jessica made quite a few scenes and yelled at me about who I had invited to the wedding. She hadn’t approved of a few of the guests and thought she should have been made aware of who I was inviting.
WHAT!?
She then proceeded to get insanely inebriated and dirty-danced on the dance floor in front of our family and the kids. My parents and in-laws were very unimpressed. I ignored her and avoided any more confrontations with her for the rest of the evening.
In the weeks after the wedding, she didn’t answer my phone calls or text me back unless she needed something or wanted to complain.
I quit sharing things about my life with her and quit initiating contact.
She called me again a couple of weeks ago and berated me for MY behavior at my wedding. She said I seemed cold and distant and like I was mad at her. She especially didn’t appreciate that I seemed like I was avoiding her for some of the night.
I explained to her how I felt and what it was like from my point of view, but she continuously cut me off and insisted that I was at fault and she had done nothing wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t consider this woman a friend any longer. This was a jealous girl who wanted to make someone else’s day about her because she’s not the center of attention.
Don’t lose sleep over it. Just cut her off and be done.” PeteyPorkchops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Heaven forbid your wedding day even marginally be about you, yikes. Doesn’t sound like a friend at all, you’d be lucky to have her gone from your life.” martybauer31
12. AITJ For Selling The Jewelry My Husband Gave Me?
“There was a 2-year period where my husband and I were separated. My husband had a habit of buying me expensive jewelry during our marriage, during the separation I sold the majority of it to support myself until I found a job in my new location.
By some miracle we reconciled but I never mentioned having sold the jewellery because I didn’t know how to bring it up and he never seemed to notice it was missing.
His cousin is getting married soon. I’m a bridesmaid and she recently came over to see me in my dress. While she was over, she mentioned a necklace I used to have that would’ve looked perfect with the dress. I told her I didn’t think it would look nice because I don’t have it anymore and I didn’t know how to admit that to her.
Later when we were having dinner, she brought it up again in front of my husband. She asked his opinion and he agreed that the necklace would look good with the dress and suggested I try it on just to humor her. I finally had to admit I didn’t have it anymore. He never said anything in front of his cousin, just got quiet but after she left, he brought it up again.
I tried to explain that I sold it because I needed the money, but he wouldn’t accept that reasoning. To be fair, he did keep adding money to our joint account the entire separation, but I never touched it for several reasons, the biggest being I didn’t want him to use the transactions to figure out where I was, and I didn’t want to keep relying on him when I thought we were over for good.
He asked me if it was just the one necklace, so I had to admit I had sold most of it, he wanted me to show him what I had kept, which I did. After he saw, he got really upset with me and asked if the things he gave me had so little meaning to me that I would flog them off for peanuts when I had other options.
I didn’t know what to say and he’s clearly still angry at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is the jerk here. Two years is a long time to be separated and the jewelry was yours to do with as you wished. I do understand why he’s upset, though.
He probably really enjoyed picking out those pieces for you and feels hurt that (in his mind) you didn’t value them as much. Validate, validate, validate. He needs to have his hurt feelings validated. It doesn’t mean you have to apologize for selling the jewelry, but just acknowledge that you see he’s been very hurt by this disclosure and that you’re sorry about that.
Also, you owe him an apology for not disclosing it right away. It would have been easier if you had told him right after you reconciled because the reasons for the separation would have been fresh in both of your minds and the rational part of his brain might have been more immediately accepting. After all this time, the memories of the rift may feel more hazy, so the new knowledge of the sale of the jewelry may feel like a bigger betrayal to him.
He may feel you were being deceitful in hiding this.
I suggest you offer him the opportunity to tell you everything he’s feeling about your selling of the jewelry. Listen and don’t respond. When he seems to be running out of steam ask if there’s anything else he wants to share. Listen some more.
Once he’s really finished, then you can respond by acknowledging that you see he’s really hurt and you’re sorry to have caused that hurt. Most of the time, people just want to be heard. Hear him. It’s the most loving thing you can do right now. Yes, you did what you had to do.
He doesn’t want to hear that right now. Once he gets past the emotional part, he’ll start to reason that out for himself. Right now, he needs to move past the hurt feelings. Enlist a therapist for a session or two if you need help. Good luck.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You get to do what is right for you at the time, and he gets to be upset that your separation meant meaningful things from earlier in your relationship no longer exist.” integranda
11. AITJ For Comparing My Dad's Current Marriage To His Previous One He Always Complains About?
“My parents divorced when my brother (20m) and I (18m) were 6 and 8. My dad remarried when I was 10 and my brother was 12.
His relationship with his wife was kept from us for a long time. The first time we met her was the week of the wedding (the day she moved in to be exact) and she had been told so much about us, was so excited to meet us, etc. Even called us “her boys” and said she couldn’t wait to be a mom and she was so glad we were a family.
And she was insufferable about it. We would tell her we didn’t like how she was still a stranger calling us her kids or her boys and she would tell us that’s what we were. That we weren’t strangers because she always knew and loved us. I told her we did not feel the same.
My brother was a lot more vocal about it and things were always tense at my dad’s.
He made it worse. He always talked about how glad he was to be divorced from our mom, how it was like being held captive. His wife would laugh her rear off when he’d rant and rave about it.
It was brought up around other people, at his house over dinner, during a car ride, basically anywhere and anytime. Pretty much all the time too. One time my uncle (his brother) called him out for saying that stuff in front of us and he said he didn’t care because he disliked our mom he wished she would die and leave him to his freedom.
Last year I started saying the same thing about his current marriage. That it’s like being held captive because of how boundary-stomping and insufferable she is and how our dad is checked out on the parent side, only cares about being a husband, so we have to deal with her whining and complaining when we don’t call her mom or say we’re her kids and she would try to offer us more stuff to do if we gave in.
My dad hates it. He has called me out numerous times. We got into a fight lately because I threw his own words in his face when he asked why I never visit anymore (that it was like being held captive and thank god we don’t have to deal anymore). He was so angry. He said leaving a bad marriage is so much worse than having a new person be loving.
He said it was a good thing she cared about us and we should have loved her for trying so hard. That our mother was bad, we were bad and he knew we’d mess things up if we were told too soon so he’s glad we didn’t get to break them up and screw me for thinking her attitude was anything like my mom’s.
She was too controlling. Didn’t like that he went out after work for drinks with friends. And we were wrong for not loving the good woman he found.
He called me a jerk. He told my grandma who said I shouldn’t speak ill of his wife and should know it would not make him happy,
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very weird that she would assume you and your brother would be all chipper and calling her mom and one big happy family as soon as she met you. You just met her. You knew nothing about her. You already have a mom. Slow your roll lady. Dad is the jerk for speaking about your mother the way he does in front of you and your brother.” Sassy_1109
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t bad mouth someone’s mother in front of them even if you’re the father. Your dad is immature. Also, super weird that you didn’t even meet his new wife until she moved in. If he was a caring father, he would have introduced you way before that point and see what you thought of her.” No-Knowledge8325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like it is time to go NC with them. I don’t get parents who move someone in and don’t even try and form a bond before suffocating the love out of children. I mean, give a child space, treat them with respect, and follow their clues, and you will at least have a relationship.
Oh, and tell grandma that your dad was horrible to you and your brother growing up, and the wife was worse, and you would rather speak ill of the truth than lie about your childhood. That if grandma loved you and your brother, they would have stepped up and helped anytime in the last 12 years.” FPFan
10. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Harsh Management Style?
“Context: I (21M) lived with my parents because my college campus was closed. At the same time, my dad (55M) was working from home. Without giving too much detail, he is a manager in a more or less big company.
To make the story short, he is Boss-zilla. His voice was always so loud that I could perfectly hear him from my room, which is on another floor.
And the way he acted with his employees? He cut short a lady’s maternity leave, had them on mandatory extra hours all days, I heard him use the words “Do you want to be fired?” 100 times, etc. Honestly, it’s horrible, almost monster-like. Believe me when I tell you that I had never met this facet of his persona and not in my life I thought my father was even capable of such aggressiveness bordering on cruelty.
Point is, this came back earlier this week, when I was visiting them again for the weekend. I am having some problems with my major, nothing serious really, is more the fact that some of my classes are boring, and he jokingly said something like “Boy, stop whining, you wouldn’t last a day in today’s work environment”.
Without thinking, I answered “With a boss like you? No one could.” His face suddenly changed and he asked me to explain myself. I just told him the same thing that I just said to you guys, that his work self not only scared me out of my wits but that it completely shattered the image I had of him.
There was no shouting, not even angriness in my words, at worst I was passive-aggressive. After this, he was not the same and the rest of my visit was really uncomfortable.
Today, my mom called me and said that I should apologize to my dad because he was really hurt by my comments. As some would say, I am the apple of his eye and this is the first time I have been “rude” to him.
She also said I am a little bit ungrateful, seeing that he is the one paying for my education, my housing, and everything, as I have no job.
I don’t know, I may need to apologize, but the thing is that I only said the truth, and maybe this is the moment he needs to realize what kind of person he is at work.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “She also said I am a little bit ungrateful, seeing that he is the one paying” Presumably this is also how she rationalizes his abusive behavior to his own employees. Just because you have someone’s livelihood in your hands doesn’t mean you have the right to treat the person poorly.
You hurt your dad’s feelings because, at least somewhere deep down, he realizes what you said is true. You don’t need to apologize because you didn’t do anything wrong. He did something wrong and you expressed to him how disappointed you were. Unless you think you’re in immediate danger of being financially cut off (in which case you can******* up and make your point later) I think you should just let him reflect on what he did to disappoint you so much.
Maybe he just needed a wake-up call?” kirklennon
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ but if you want peace in your life, apologize for the impact you had, not for THE FACTS. Ie, “Dad, I’m sorry that my view of your management style hurts you. It hurt me to hear it all year long. I do understand your career provides for us all and I appreciate that.
Is there hope that I can have a career without having to resort to those same tactics? I don’t feel that those methods really reflect who you are at your core, and I don’t see myself using them, either.” To be clear, I don’t feel OP owes Dad an apology. OP is a million percent correct here, as many who are rooting for no apology illustrate in many ways (particularly those pointing out the efficacy of good mgrs).
HOWEVER, I’m pragmatic enough to realize OP probably needs his parents’ support and also, at this time, doesn’t want to burn a bridge with Dad. Given the (presumed) desired outcome, an apology for hurt feelings, while still staying true to OP’s own character, is the middle way forward.” justSomePesant
9. AITJ For Refusing To Let The Guy I Was Seeing Use My Bathroom While I Was Sick?
“So I (22F) had been seeing a guy (22M) for a few months. He seemed a lot more into me than I was, but we got along and so I wanted to see where it went. I noticed a bit of odd, somewhat controlling behavior (double messaging if I don’t respond for hours, etc) from him prior to this but I stopped talking to him after this incident.
I wanted to know if I was in the wrong for handling the situation this way.
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I’d come down with a bad cold. When I was first coming down with the sickness, I got a text from the guy I was seeing, let’s call him M. Just to preface, M rides a motorcycle as this is important to the story.
He tells me that he’s near my place and really needs to use the bathroom and doesn’t want to ride home distracted by that because it’s dangerous. I told him no, I’m sick, and he’s better off using one of the bathrooms at the fast food places at the nearby intersection.
He starts giving me a lot of attitude, saying, “I don’t need to see you it’ll be five minutes, I’ll be in and out”.
I told him that I have other roommates and it’s not appropriate for him to just waltz in and use the bathroom because it’s their space too and it would be weird for him to come in and for me not to greet him and such. (I was in bed with A MAJOR headache and didn’t really feel like hosting someone, even for five minutes).
Anyway, an argument ensues, and he starts saying stuff like “I’ve never been refused a bathroom before, I need to be safe while riding,” trying to guilt trip me.
I didn’t like the way he was treating me so I ended things and I found his behavior a red flag, but AITJ for refusing to let him use the bathroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – does he normally ride with gloves? If so, he’s probably already stopped somewhere texting you (taking the time to stop, take off gloves, text) so this is ultra red flag-y. Even if he doesn’t ride with gloves, he has to stop to text you, whether it’s at a red light or in a parking lot and it’s not that hard to just find a bathroom.” frogstatute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I totally get being too sick to get up out of bed, and this guy is an adult supposedly and can find any public restroom he needs to pee. I think his request was weird and then for him to give you a hard time about it was absolutely ridiculous.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Husband's Best Friend's Wedding Due To My Postpartum Depression?
“My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and we have an almost 11-month-old baby girl. We had a quick wedding when I was pregnant at the courthouse, nothing special, and we would have gotten married even if I didn’t get pregnant. It was an unplanned but happy surprise.
I’ve always been sad I didn’t get the wedding I had imagined but I dealt with it for my kiddo.
Fast forward after I have my kiddo I have really really bad postpartum depression, and I work SO hard over the 11 months to pull myself out of the darkest place I’ve ever been.
But my husband and I’s relationship has been…. rocky…. For the past month or so I’ve been working really hard to maintain my peace and happiness despite my chaotic depressive life and my husband has been really distant, but I’ve put on a happy face to get through.
Now this month his best friend is getting married and his best friend and his future wife have everything I’ve ever wanted. The big beautiful wedding, they both seem so happy and are so successful, they love each other SO much so visibly in a way I haven’t gotten from my husband in a long time.
She’s skinny and beautiful and…. not depressed. She’s literally everything I’m not. My husband’s family loves them and is warm to them in a way they’ve never been warm to me. And so, I’m envious. I can admit that. And I am dreading going to this wedding. I am dreading being around people who are so bright and happy when I feel like I have to fight so hard just to survive and make it through the day.
I KNOW I’m not perfect and I know I shouldn’t feel envious, and that comparison is the thief of joy, but I am. No matter what I do, what I tell myself I still feel so bummed thinking about this wedding.
It’s not that there is anything wrong with the couple, I just really feel like being around everyone while they’re all so happy and perfect, and having experiences I might never have (a big wedding with my friends and family) this wedding just feels like a reminder of all I have lost or missed out on or the happy bubbly person I fail to be.
Am I the jerk for feeling this way? Or for dreading going? I feel like everyone would be better off if I didn’t go. Would I be the jerk if I didn’t go?
My husband is in the wedding (and I am not) but I wasn’t invited to the rehearsal dinner or to the pictures and after party.
So I feel a little left out to begin with. My husband hasn’t really done anything to help me feel included or to boost my confidence but.. I know that isn’t his job. Am I crazy for feeling so blah and bummed out?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to call you the jerk, because ultimately you shouldn’t have to grit your teeth through what’s supposed to be a joyous occasion…but I really, really, really don’t want to encourage you to give into this line of thinking, either.
More importantly, I’m concerned that if you decide to dig in your heels over this, you’re going to create a completely unnecessary point of tension in what you already describe as a rocky relationship. It’s possible you’re okay with that, and it’s even possible that the fact you’re this convinced you’ll never feel that same level of happiness with your husband again is a sign that the marriage is already dead, but that’s not a decision you should make lightly, especially when postpartum depression is a factor.
Work with your therapist (you do have one, right?)…and if you do ultimately decide you can’t handle it, I’d make it a goal to really sort through how you get back to a place where you can instead of wallowing in misery and resentment.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Up until the last paragraph I would have said YTJ.
Your reasons for not wanting to go don’t seem to be based on your feelings towards them or your husband, and I don’t think your own jealousy is a good enough reason not to be there for your husband. However, isn’t it usually conventional to invite partners of those in the wedding party to the rehearsal dinner and after party?
Based on that, I think it’s acceptable not to attend the wedding regardless of your reason.” Victim_Of_Fate
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bus Tables At A Major Client Event?
“I started a new job in marketing about four months ago. I love my new job, I work mostly from home, get to travel and work with a lot of cool really big-name clients. My new boss (we’ll call her Patty) and I get along really well, and she started about a week after I did.
It is important to note that Patty’s director position was created after they determined there was too much work for just the person in my management role to do.
Since I’ve started, everything has been going relatively smoothly. There was this one event I was scheduled to attend because I would be spearheading the project that we started as a result of that event, but at the last minute, one of the directors (We’ll call him Doug- he’s not directly over me but he and Patty are lateral on the org chart though) said there wasn’t enough room and told Patty to tell me I wouldn’t be attending.
After the event, Patty realized how much I would be involved with the project that they were briefed on at the event, and she told me she wished she had fought harder for me to attend.
A few weeks ago, Doug informs me and Patty there was going to be an event for a huge client and we will help with all the marketing needs and attend the event.
I’m super excited because this will be my first client-facing event. I end up taking on a lot of the work for this event hand in hand with Patty (but to be fair, I ended up doing most of the work).
We are putting together the finishing touches for the event, and one of Doug’s direct reports (the direct report and I are on the same level as far as positions go, and she will be participating in the tasting) sends me the run of show, and it says I will be working with the kitchen and the hired staff.
Mind you, this is a tasting event so I will be watching my colleagues (including Patty and Doug) and the clients eat/drink all day and then helping clear dishes when they finish, refill the coffee station, etc. I was told clearly that we cannot eat the food and that we would have a break at some point to go find food.
I am an African American woman and all of my colleagues are white or white passing. I have discussed this with Patty, and she says she will talk to the higher-ups and “suggest” that that’s not the role I take in the event. AITJ for being offended they’d ask me to clean at the event with the hired event staff or does it seem a little unjust and potentially racist?
I just have to add, I guess the reason I’m asking AITJ is: If I stand up for myself and don’t buss at the event, will I be seen as someone who’s not a “team player” or willing to “jump into the workload”.. or I guess, the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Um… so they’ve hired dedicated servers and staff to man the event and clean afterward but also want you, an organizer and attendant of an important work event, to do those jobs?
And it’s client-facing? So you won’t get to interact with those clients in the proper way, given your position? Instead they will see you as event staff, not as the very important colleague with whom they are contracting? Dude… this reeks of poor decision-making at best, and overt racism at worst. Obvious NTJ but you need to bring this up with someone, whether that be HR or another relevant body.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m a black woman and this sounds racist as all get out. When I was in my 20s I went to the union and filed complaints about my bosses (worked for the government) because of the way I felt I was being treated as a young black woman. I had lived a sheltered life and was really nervous about doing it but just felt how I was being treated was wrong and I would rather risk losing my job than letting the bosses get away with it.
They were doing things like timing my bathroom & lunch breaks but nobody else’s, they put a lock on my phone because other people were abusing their phones and petty stuff like that. End result is many changes were brought about, things were awkward at work for a few weeks then went back to normal. I say stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do it.
There is no good explanation for them assigning you to serve given your position.” GiddyGabby
Also RECORD THE MEETING. You may need it for the attorney you're going to need if they try to fire you to cover their assets, HR is there to protect the Company from lawsuits. Not to protect the workers.
6. AITJ For Not Recommending My Neighbor's Pet Sitting Services?
“I live on a cul-de-sac of five houses. Three of those houses (including mine) have dogs and over the past year and a half of us all being home constantly, we’ve gotten to know each other and all three dogs very well.
The dogs get along, and we’ve increasingly spent time together at the park, or having driveway happy hours along with our fourth neighbor, who shares his homebrew and has a cat that is indisputably the boss of the cul-de-sac pets.
Neighbor Five is a bit older than the rest of us (late 50s?) and she inherited her home from her parents, so she’s lived in the neighborhood far longer than the rest of us and has made no secret that she thinks it’s gone downhill since she was a kid.
She can’t work – I don’t know the details – and is always looking for help of various kinds like someone to do yard work, drive her around, etc. If you start helping her, she eventually overwhelms with her requests for assistance and it’s difficult to politely decline because she’s very persistent.
So while we include her in our happy hours and such, I’d never want to get much closer than that.
Over the last few months as people have returned to business or vacation travel, we pet owners have been watching each other’s animals. It’s made easier because we’re all still working from home, our animals get along and know the human neighbors, plus we save on boarding fees.
So yesterday while I was out walking my dog, a neighbor stopped me and asked if I’d look after their dog while they were out of town in a few weeks and of course I said yes. We arranged to follow up and that was that.
Until this morning, when Neighbor Five knocked on my door to ask if it was true that I had been watching other people’s animals lately.
I said yes, we’d been trading off pet sitting recently. Well, she was not happy about this. She told me that she pet sits to supplement her income and now four of her closest neighbors are using someone else to watch their pets so she can’t make money from us. This is literally the first that I’ve heard of her pet-sitting, so I certainly didn’t intend to undercut her income source.
She asked that I tell the other pet owners about her business and hinted that I should decline to watch my neighbors’ animals so they’d hire her. She said I have no reason to object to this since it’s not like I’m getting paid, but TBH I wouldn’t hire her to watch my dog.
She just seems a little off to me and frankly my dog doesn’t like her much. I have no intention of stopping our little co-op pet-sitting ring, but Neighbor Five was really upset with me and now I’m wondering if I should at least tell the other pet owners that she would like to watch their pets.
But I’m torn because I don’t actually want to recommend someone I wouldn’t hire myself. AITJ if I just keep quiet about this and continue on as I was?”
Another User Comments:
“I would ask your pet-sitting collaborative how they all feel about her and if she ever actually did watch their dogs in the first place since this is the first you heard of it.
Then I would not bother with anything beyond that because you are trading pet sitting between each other and not for profits.” WTFrenchToast1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As a fellow dog owner I’ve watched my friend’s dogs for weekends and they’ve reciprocated. If it’s longer I’d board them… you’re just doing favors for each other.
By your neighbor’s logic, giving someone your kids hand-me-downs is denying a small business sales.” wellactuallyj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re your pets, your responsibility, so you choose who is the most trusted to watch after them. I understand why you’d be uncomfortable – if this person needs help so frequently, I don’t know how they would manage taking care of pets, especially if there was an emergency.” somewastelander
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Cousins From My Wedding After They Talked Behind My Back?
“My husband passed away suddenly in February of 2020 of a brain tumor just 3 months after being diagnosed. I (37f) was 6 months pregnant at the time with our first child and was a complete train wreck and couldn’t function. My parents and in-laws made the executive decision to move me back to my very small hometown, which was 600 miles from where my husband and I were living.
It’s been good, I work remote and my parents are retired so they can watch my baby while I work.
A lot of extended family (including 2 cousins I grew up with) and friends still live here and have been super supportive. I developed a friendship with a guy across the street named Josh (27M) and earlier this year our friendship turned romantic.
We kept it quiet because I felt guilty over seeing someone just a year after my husband died. We got engaged in July and announced our relationship and everyone (including my cousins) expressed how happy they were for us.
Well, a couple of weeks before our wedding, I went to my Aunt’s home (the mother of my cousins) and she asked who was coming to the wedding.
I ran through the short guest list and mentioned her daughters. She had a strong reaction and said “Do not invite those two. They are a couple of miserable individuals.” I was pretty shocked, and asked why and she just said “Don’t do it, you don’t want them there, trust me.”
So, I called her son and asked him what in the world was going on.
Apparently, these cousins who were just so happy for Josh and me had been completely talking behind our backs. Saying things like I must not have loved my first husband if I moved on with Josh so quickly, and that he must just be interested in me for the life insurance money ($40k) because why else would he want me, and that he would just end up leaving me for someone younger since I am 11 years older than he is.
I was really upset and uninvited them from the wedding. They came over and apologized and tried to frame what they said as concern. I told them I didn’t care to hear it and reiterated that they aren’t invited to the wedding.
Well, they showed up anyway, and I asked my brother-in-law to escort them out.
They made a huge scene and were very embarrassed that they were kicked out. They are now calling us jerks for publicly shaming them when they say all they did was express concern over Josh’s intentions. I say that it was none of their business and Josh had no reason to give them any pause and has never done anything to make anyone question his intentions.
They were just being mean because they are a couple of catty individuals. But, they think I owe them an apology, I refuse. So, AITJ for embarrassing my cousins by having them kicked out of the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They weren’t invited, they knew why, and THEY CAME ANYWAYS. They WANT to start trouble.
Send your aunt a huge thank-you bouquet for the warning.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t apologize. They will take that as an invitation to continue to act in bad ways. Your aunt really had your back. Op. Unless your cousins sincerely apologize. Feel free to cut them out. Also just like we generally can’t control when we die.
We can’t control when we fall in love.” MissMurderpants
4. AITJ For Threatening To Throw Away Off-Brand Medication From My Pharmacy?
“I have been on the phone with my pharmacy all morning about this and when I told my friends, they said it shouldn’t matter and that I was stupid for this. One even brought up that the placebo effect makes me feel a difference between them. I told her that it’s not the placebo effect and that I can physically feel a difference.
Even then, I was still called a jerk.
BG: I take a prescription birth control for my periods, which is utter torment every month. I have switched meds a couple of times to find one that works, and the one I use does the job I need it to. When I switched pharmacies when I moved with my parents, they gave me the right one, until they didn’t.
They gave me a different type “because it’s cheaper” even though insurance covers the one I primarily use. I tried it though, and when my period hit, I almost had to go to the ER for cramps because of the pain. I called the pharmacy and I told them to switch it back and that I didn’t ask them to give me this one.
They said that ‘it’s the same thing’ and I told them that I need the other one because it was prescribed to me by my doctor. They hemmed and hawed and eventually gave me the correct one.
Today, the switch almost happened again for a third time. I was on the phone with the pharmacy because I forgot to change locations, which I did take blame for, and when the guy on the other end listed off the ones, he mentioned the off-brand type.
I said I’d throw it away if he gave it to me and it would be better off given to someone who could actually use it and I said that it does not work for me. He fought back that insurance doesn’t pay for my originally prescribed one and it would be x amount out of pocket.
I said that I’d rather pay out of pocket than take a medicine that was not prescribed to me, he then switched me to someone else. After about 30 minutes of talking to someone else, a very understanding lady, I was able to get my prescribed meds.
I have told my pharmacy multiple times that the off-brand doesn’t do the same as the one prescribed, and yet they keep trying to push it and I had enough.
AITJ for saying I’d throw it away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – though your word choice was silly. Typically when you get a prescription there’s a spot for your doctor to indicate if you can be given a generic brand instead. Call your doctor and ask them to call in and change your current script, or write a new script that indicates they should NOT give you the generic.
Then the pharmacy won’t make this mistake again.” OrindaSarnia
Another User Comments:
“I cannot stand when pharmacies do this. I’ve been on a certain medication for years, and they’ve switched my brand 3 times. Every single time I get different side effects and the pills have different efficacy. The pharmacists always argue with me that it’s “the exact same thing”.
no, it’s not, I’m not an idiot and I’m not making up these side effects just for the fun of it. NTJ.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return My Son's Cat Due To Fear Of Abandonment?
“My 20-year-old son lives with my ex. A year or so ago, he adopted a cat and he got pretty attached to her. The problem is, my ex has a bad habit of playing musical pets; she adopts a pet, loves them for a few months, gets tired of them, and finds a way to get rid of them.
My son’s cat, Nepher, was one of those pets. Last summer, she kicked Nepher out of her apartment and wouldn’t let her back in. She would sit outside and cry for weeks to be let back in. A mutual friend found out and took her back; he couldn’t keep Nepher because he already had two pets so I took her in.
Fast forward to this last weekend. He spent Thanksgiving weekend with me and one of the things he was doing while here was seeing how his cat was doing. He was talking about taking her back when he and my ex got moved into a new place. That makes me nervous.
My son has no plans to get his own place.
I mean ever. So he’s going to be dependent on my ex for a place to live and she has a reputation for abandoning pets. The other problem with my son is that he’s not the best at predicting the future, especially not in this situation. My ex says she doesn’t mind taking the cat back, but he won’t consider the possibility of her kicking Nepher out again.
I had mentioned the possibility of my son taking his cat back but that involved him getting his own place in town. Him continuing to live with my ex and them living a three-hour drive from my apartment is a different story.
As for me, I was reluctant to adopt her at first but since then, we’ve gotten quite attached to each other.
She snuggles up to me every night when I go to sleep, she lays down with me when I’m on the couch watching TV, and if I’m playing on my Switch, she climbs up on my chest and lays down purring. She’s even getting along with my other cat, Billy, even if he does sometimes play a little too rough for her.
We’ve bonded and I don’t want to give her up, especially not to someone who has a reputation for abandoning pets.
I know Nepher was originally his cat and he wants her back, and I’ve talked to him about getting her back, but besides the fact that I’ve gotten attached to her, I don’t want to put her back in a situation where she could just be abandoned again and I can’t get her back before something bad happens to her.
So, would I be the jerk if I refused to return my son’s cat when he wants her back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is such a jerk and if you put that cat back into that environment, you would be one too. Too bad for your son, but honestly, he’s not equipped (by living with ex) to take care of Nepher.
Cat is lucky you were able to rescue her/him.” yesnomaybe123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like the person who adopted the cat back, took him back then adopted him out to you. Not your son’s cat. That cat is now yours, you had no obligation to give your son your cat. Especially, if he is not even a responsible pet owner.” Cybunniesarebest
2. AITJ For Preventing My Wife From Confronting My Mom About Noisy Nighttime Behavior?
“My wife and I want to buy a house but rent prices are out of control. My mom offered for us to move in with her for about a year to save up, and we accepted. It works great because my mom is literally never home. I have no idea what she does all day, but she is gone before we wake up and doesn’t come home until we are in bed. I have had a bit of a strained relationship with my mom in the past. My wife isn’t crazy about her, but there is no bad b***d.
My mom at least isn’t one of those crazy MILs and it is more that my wife just doesn’t respect her as a person.
For some reason my mom was home the other day. I don’t know why, since I don’t actually know where she goes all day. She was “working from home” and her boss was at the house as well and never left. We have a 6-month-old baby, and as all parents know, when you have a baby you really value your sleep.
At about midnight, my mom screamed (it was laughing playful screaming, not like I had to go check on her) and it woke the baby. My wife was obviously annoyed, as was I, and we put the baby back to bed and went back to bed ourselves. Then my mom screamed again at 2:30 and again woke the baby.
My wife was furious. I did get up in solidarity and I did a diaper change, but my wife nurses her back to sleep, so she did have to get up as well. My wife said she was going to confront my mom and ask her to be quiet and tell her it was rude with a baby in the house, and I said I didn’t think that was a good idea.
I just felt like my mom would be offended because it is her house and she is never home. She is doing us a favor so I didn’t want her to get mad. My wife said I was being spineless and that rude behavior is rude behavior. I asked her to please not do it because again I thought it would offend her, and it would be kind of awkward in front of the boss.
My wife agreed but was clearly mad at me and has been cold all day and didn’t respond when my mom said bye in the morning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand your wife’s frustration but you are still a guest in your mom’s home and this was presented as though it was a one-off instance, not a frequent occurrence.
If it happens again, maybe then you talk to your mom. But you’ve acknowledged your wife has issues with your mom and it sounds like she is itching to have something to confront her with. She needs to pump the breaks a bit.” AppearanceLate8038
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is allowed to live her life in her own home, and it really sounds like this is the first time she’s caused any kind of disturbance in the home and woken the baby.
Bringing it up in the morning like “hey, could you keep the screaming to a minimum while the baby is sleeping?” Or a more joking “now I know what it was like for you with a baby” is more than sufficient. Your wife not respecting your mother “as a person” seems like an underlying issue, don’t let her start to nitpick your mother’s behaviors especially if she’s mostly hands-off.” innocentsubterfuge
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Raised My Brother To Be Homophobic Like Her?
“I (20F) was talking to my younger brother (13M) and my mom (44F) about his birthday plans for tomorrow. So to preface this, my mom struggles with mental health and can be a bit of a ticking time bomb. How she reacts to something is entirely based on her mood.
One day something will make her laugh, the next day the same thing can make her rage quit. She also has a history of being weird about homosexual relationships (this will come into play later). She swears she’s not a homophobe, but her discomfort surrounding the lifestyle is clear.
Anyway, my brother said he wanted to see the movie Eternals, then said “I don’t know though because apparently two men kiss and I don’t want to see that”.
I became annoyed because that’s obviously not okay to say. I told him that what he said was ridiculous and that love is love and it shouldn’t be rated R just because it’s a homosexual kiss.
My mom (who likes to baby my brother) immediately comes to his defense saying “he’s just a little kid”.
I don’t believe that, I believe he is old enough to know right from wrong and to think before he speaks. But that’s beside the point.
Anyway, things got heated when I said under my breath “you’ve successfully created a mini version of you”. I wasn’t even sure she would hear me because my brother was explaining himself and going on as teenagers do.
But boy did she hear me. She asked me twice what I said, very angrily, obviously having heard what I said. So I said you heard what I said. And she goes what the heck does that mean. And I told her it means what I said he is a mini version of you. Then she starts freaking out saying she’s so done with this, this is nonsense, why do I have to say stuff like this.
I honestly was completely perplexed because I didn’t think what I said warranted this reaction. I started to laugh a little bit because I laugh when I’m uncomfortable and I didn’t understand what was going on. Then when I realized she was legitimately throwing a tantrum, I immediately told her I refused to engage.
She kept trying to come at me and say things but I just kept saying I’m not going to engage and she got so angry she ended up storming up the stairs and telling me to get lost.
I didn’t think what I said warranted that response but maybe I’m wrong? I could really use some feedback.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the situation but why would you say something “under your breath” and not expect to be heard, that seems a bit passive-aggressive. Say it loud and proud or don’t say it all!” SailorJerrry
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you wanted to talk about it, you should have talked about it.
If you didn’t, you should have kept quiet. Of course muttering under your breath is going to start a fight. That was very immature. Also, not wanting to see two men kiss is not necessarily homophobic. Watching anyone express affection with anyone else can be uncomfortable. He’s 13, of course he wants to see superheroes fighting not feeling each other up no matter their gender or identity or whatever I’m supposed to call it.” FriendCountZero
