People Reveal Their Most Appalling 'Am I The Jerk?' Moments
23. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Dream College Despite My Parents' Wishes?
“My twin sister and I are graduating high school next year. We’ve started the conversation about college with our parents. I have very clear goals of where I want to go to college and what I want to do. I have stellar grades and test scores and my dream school is an ivy that I think I can get into with good aid.
While neither of us had very good opportunities for extracurriculars, even now, I’m trying my hardest to give myself something to beef up my applications. I know exactly what I want to major in and have been planning this since I started high school.
My sister is the exact opposite.
She isn’t very school-orientated, She takes only regular classes but generally passes them. Her testing scores were fairly low and she doesn’t do any extracurriculars. All this to say, the colleges I want to go to are not even an option for her. I worry that she’s not going to get any good scholarships and will have to rely solely on financial aid and student loans.
To clarify, I’m not trying to judge her or say that I’m better than her. Just that we have very different visions for our futures.
However, the issue is that when I brought up the conversation of what colleges I wanted to apply to, my parents shut me down when I mentioned the Ivy being my top school.
They told me that I need to limit myself and attend where my sister is going because that I need to help her out. I know they mean with tuition because they don’t have anything saved for either of us and we have to pay for everything ourselves out of pocket.
They’ve told me for years that I need to help my sister and motivate her to do well. Which I understand to an extent because my sister lacks a lot of motivation and tends to expect information to be handed out to her. But I try not to talk about school with my sister because she feels like I’m just bragging
I’m conflicted because while I don’t want to leave my sister behind to struggle, I also feel that it’s unfair for me to have sacrifice. I feel like I’ve already spent my whole life giving up things that will help me set up my future in order to not burden my parents.
Especially after working so hard to get to this point, I feel like I’m just being told for the nth time that it’s not enough.
Both my parents feel like I owe it to my mom to make sure my sister is stable because my mom sacrificed a lot raising us and just wants to make sure both of us are okay when she’s not there.
But I feels like it’s not my responsibility anymore.
So I figured the internet might be able to give me a more unbiased answer as to whether or not I WIBTJ if I ignored my parents’ advice and went to the school I wanted, even if it meant that my sister would struggle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are not responsible for your sister or mother’s future happiness. The fact that your parents are pushing this idea that you need to “take care of your sister at your own expense” is not okay. It’s unfortunately quite clear that your family is not going to be happy for you, but since you are funding college on your own they do not and should not get a vote.
Best of luck!” Music19773
Another User Comments:
“It is not your responsibility to dumb down your entire life and severely limit your future for the sake of your unmotivated sister. Make your outstanding college plans and keep them to yourself until they are set in stone.
Never ever hold yourself back for the sake of someone else’s comfort. It’s your parent’s job to look after your sister, not yours. Your job is to be the best that you can be. I’m surprised you do not have a guidance counselor explaining to your parents how wrong this is.” vhtg
22. AITJ For Refusing To Call In Sick At Work To Extend A Vacation With My Partner?
“So I (25f) work at an adult store and am one of 7 employees. The rule for scheduling is that you have to give 2 weeks advanced notice if you need a certain day off.
Given that we only have 7 employees and most of them have either school or other jobs, last-minute shift changes can be quite the headache and an inconvenience for everyone involved.
So this weekend I had Friday and Saturday off work, and me and my partner (26m) drove up to San Jose to spend 2 days and one night visiting his friend who lives there.
We booked the hotel for one night, that was all we had planned to say.
Anyway, on Saturday my partner started wishing we had one more day to stay (I had work today at 4 pm, where I am now). He asked me to call in sick so we could stay another day.
I didn’t want to for a number of reasons. One, I didn’t want to have to pay for another night at the hotel as money is pretty tight right now, two I didn’t want to lose out on a day at work because again, money.
He wanted me to pretend to be sick but I knew my managers would see through it because I had told them that I was going to San Jose. I told my partner this and he got really irritated and asked why the heck I would tell them that, now we can’t pretend I’m sick yadda yadda, etc. I told my coworkers because we’re friendly and we like to chat, I wasn’t even thinking about having to lie.
Also, I didn’t want to cause my coworkers to have to scramble to get my shift covered at the last minute, it just didn’t feel right.
This isn’t the first time my partner has asked me to pretend to be sick and not go to work when I’m scheduled. Once he got really mad because I swapped shifts with a coworker at a previous job on a Saturday because he wanted to hang out and watch one of our shows that day.
Anyway, my partner doesn’t think my job is important enough for me to be as dedicated to it as I am, because it’s just retail/an adult store. It kind of hurts my feelings that he disregards my dedication to not just this job but every job I get; I like being a good employee, and I like being seen as reliable.
But he thinks I’m wasting it on a job that “doesn’t give a darn” about me (which I don’t necessarily agree with). Anyway, I just feel like he’s kind of selfish sometimes in the things he asks me to do in regard to my work.
Maybe it’s not the best job but I like it and care about it, and I don’t like how he scoffs at that.
So long story short, my partner wanted me to lie and call in sick to work to get one more day on our mini vacation, which would have been a huge inconvenience for my coworkers.
He got mad when I refused.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always say never bend over backward for a job that will replace you immediately when you die, but you seem to like this job and your coworkers. Money is tight, and being responsible is a part of adulthood.
Stick to the plan. And tell him if he wants to do stuff like this again you guys need more savings (aka him also picking up extra hours at his job).” FoxxieOne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was in a relationship like this. Though he didn’t often explicitly state it, the issue was clear that he felt between us he had the only real job and I “just” worked retail.
That’s a mindset that slowly bleeds into everything and a power imbalance I never want to go back to. As far as I’m concerned if you don’t respect what your partner does for a living then you don’t respect who they are.” windlabyrinth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I absolutely hate people who fake being sick to get a day off work. It’s screws everyone else. Your partner is a Jerk for disrespecting you and your job.” Realistic-You9997
21. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Parents About My Sister's Secret Party?
“I (20) and my sister (16) stayed home while my parents were out of town for the Canada Day long weekend. She had 3 friends come over to hang out Saturday night and I left to go out to a bar with my friend at 10:30 pm.
We ended up back at my house pretty early and there was a party going on, despite the fact that my sister promised it would only be her 3 friends over. I wasn’t happy that she lied to me but let the party continue because there were too many people to stop it at that point.
She promised to clean if I didn’t tell my parents. My left croc went missing that night.
The next day I had to drive her to and from work 3 times, cleaned between each drive, and basically couldn’t do anything that Sunday except stay home so I’d be available to drive her.
She was extremely cranky/hungover and immediately went to her room when she got home. I had to repeatedly ask her to help clean. We ended up fighting and yelling a lot because she said it was clean enough. She eventually did a few things.
She also insisted I haven’t really cleaned at all either. She has vacuumed the carpet, wiped the counter (but with hand soap so it left a waxy layer), and “mopped” the floor (she used a wet hand towel). I, on the other hand, have cleaned the bathrooms twice, swept the floor, dealt with all my house plants that were damaged/cut, re-wiped the counters, cleaned cat vomit 3 times (the noise/people scared the cat), watered all the outdoor plants (which my sister lied about doing resulting in most drying out and me crying), cleaned the couch and all other furniture, and done 4 loads of laundry with stuff that got dirty from the party.
I spent the rest of my day cleaning while she stayed in her room until 7 pm.
My sister also said she’s having “people over” again tonight (but “not a party”), which I told her she wasn’t allowed, but I don’t know what will happen.
She ignores most of what I say. All day my sister has been extremely rude, and she lied to me (I wouldn’t have been mad if she’d just told me and I could have put my vulnerable things away, made sure the cat would have been safer).
I said I wouldn’t tell my parents, who don’t ever punish my sister anyway when she should, so I don’t know what they would do if I told them. I feel like I might be a jerk if I told them and broke my promise.
I also don’t want to deal with listening to my sister get yelled at and don’t know if it would badly impact our already poor relationship. My sister and I are very different people and she has never enjoyed being around me. I know she only threw the party to increase her social capital because she is being ostracized at school and wanted to appear “cool”.
I don’t know what to do anymore, my parents come home Monday. WIBTJ if I told them?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ she broke your trust and lied far as I’m concerned it’s fair game. But it would probably be more satisfying to let her do what she wants and have her get in trouble by not telling your parents and just letting them see the damage because she does not clean up.” FlashySong6098
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk. You’re not breaking your promise, as the deal was you wouldn’t tell a soul if she cleaned her mess, which she did not. I would tell her we needed to have a talk and let her know that as she broke her part of the deal and ruined your entire day, she’s gonna have to figure out something very nice to make up for it (buy you something, do your chores for x weeks), or you’re gonna tell your parents.
Heck you could even give her the option to tell them herself. Actions have consequences, she’s gotta learn that at some point” ellabellibella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s rude and mean. I don’t think she’ll like you whatever you do. And your parents are enabling her.
Just as long things are not blamed on you like missing things because of a party etc.” Sonadormarco
20. AITJ For Refusing To Kill A Spider For My Ex-Partner?
“Several weeks ago I was visiting my now ex-partner’s house when she happened to notice a small house spider building a web in a ceiling corner of her lanai. From behind the sliding glass door and 6 feet away from it, she starts freaking out to the point where I come running over thinking we’re dealing with a potentially dangerous home invasion, at which point she demands in no uncertain terms that I kill this spider immediately.
I’m a biologist, but not a Buddhist, vegan, or anything of the sort. I’ve killed countless roaches, flies, and other harmful creatures I consider “pests” for their propensity to spread disease. I am an avid fisherman, have no qualms against hunting (for food), and would kill a person in self-defense or in the defense of loved ones if I had to.
I’ve killed hundreds of lab mice for research.
But I cannot in good conscience take an “innocent” life without purpose. I don’t kill for sport. I kill fish for food, I killed the mice for the value of the research I was doing. But as I tried to explain around the shrieking and the hyperventilating, that harmless spider was actually doing her a favor by getting rid of all of the other bugs that actually did want to harm her, like mosquitos, etc. As an aside, my grandmother always told me it was bad luck to kill a spider in the house- I’m not superstitious, but I’ve observed that rule to honor her memory.
My code may be flawed, but it’s my code.
I refused to kill the spider.
I told my partner that if she would give me a minute, I’d find something to capture it with and release it outside. That was not good enough. She wanted b***d, and she wanted it now.
She has a bug phobia, I can understand that. Could she not have removed herself from the vicinity while I took care of business? I took the closest thing I could find- a magazine- and coaxed the spider onto it, preparing to open the outer screen door and let it go.
The prospect of creating this split-second opportunity for even more bugs to swarm into the lanai triggered a full-on meltdown.
At this point I said, ” I have tried to handle this in a reasonable way that would satisfy us both. As stupid as they seem to you, I can’t compromise my beliefs.
You can’t force someone to kill if they feel that strongly about it. This is your house so I won’t stop you from doing what you think you need to do, but I won’t kill it. I don’t know why killing it is the only solution you’ll accept.
I don’t care if it makes me less of a man in your eyes.”
She killed the spider.
Things haven’t been the same with us since. According to her, I “Care more about the spider than the safety of her and her child”, can’t be relied on to stand up for her, her wellbeing is not a priority, and it could have bitten her (13,M) child.
“It’s just a stupid spider!”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your partner has a fear of spiders. You know that. *Deal with the situation.* I guarantee if you had immediately taken the spider and dumped it outside, you wouldn’t have had a problem in the first place.
Instead, you did what you did here: you grandstanded about your moral code towards arachnids, didn’t resolve the problem that was causing your partner’s phobia, and got her worked up. This has nothing to do with the spider and everything to do with your indifference.
Help her out, dude.” EjectAPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you kind of sound like a jerk and I really hope those aren’t the words you used. Killing one spider isn’t going to be the end of the world for the circle of life.” willandspite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. Take away the specific situation. She wanted you to do X. You had a good reason not to do X. You suggested a compromise wherein the results of X were achieved by a different means. She didn’t like that. She wanted it done her way and resorted to name-calling because she didn’t get it.
Selfish behavior and you’ve made a lucky escape.” GlesgaD2018
19. AITJ For Leaving My Husband To Clean Our Old House Alone After He Insisted?
“My (33f) husband (33m) and I just bought our first home after I got an amazing new job. We had movers pack and move us this weekend so all we had to do was clean up our old house before the walkthrough with our landlord.
I got to the house before my husband this morning and I felt overwhelmed by the mess. So much so that I sent my kids to their friend’s house across the street so they wouldn’t have to come in. When my husband got there, however, he said, “It’s not so bad.” And he offered to do the whole thing himself.
He kept saying how much of a rockstar I’ve been through the home buying process (saving us $23500 on closing costs, budgeting for the move and new furniture, managing the house during the move-in, etc) and that he feels confident that he can handle this on his own.
My mom (54f) was already on her way to help, so I called her to tell her what my Jack (fake name) said and that I was going to go back to the new house to unpack. She told me that she had no intention on cleaning out my old house by herself and that I needed to stay.
Ok… maybe she misunderstood me. I said, “no no don’t worry, Jack is staying to help.”
She did not misunderstand. She demanded that I stay too. Every time I said that I needed to bring things back to the new house anyway, she said, “and then you’re coming right back.”
I asked her why and she said, “It’s just not fair to Jack. You can’t make him do this on his own.”
Now, Jack and I have been married for 10 years. I’ve come to realize that our partnership is never 50/50. Sometimes I need to give 70 because he only had 30.
Sometimes he gives 90 because I only have 10. I hire housekeepers on a regular basis for the sake of my marriage because cleaning is just not my strong suit (I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I take meds for it, but it hasn’t helped as much with cleaning, just organizing.)
My mom isn’t married and admitted to me yesterday at my daughter’s soccer game that she has no idea what it’s like to have a partner. It was the morning and since Jack was managing the move out, I took the kids to soccer.
Everything wasn’t on me. Growing up with a single mom, everything was always up to her so I get it, but that’s just not where I’m at.
So I lied and said I had to meet the TV mounters at the house and left. I didn’t want to argue, but I also did not want to wander around the mess wondering what to do.
My husband co-signed my lie. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The house got its cleaning. He offered it himself. He’s ok with doing it. And you have a better perspective on your marriage than your mom does. You’re good.” Linorelai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a partner, and your right marriage is NEVER 50/50 it is ALWAYS working together to make that 100, though.
You and your partner agreed to something, and that’s fine. You’re no longer a child and do not need to listen to your mother. Do things the way you and your partner agreed to do them. Your mom can stay mad. I hope you enjoy your new home.” Sumasmax
18. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancée's Meddling Mother And Returning My Stepmom's Wedding Contributions?
“I (27M) am currently engaged to my partner Lauren (28F). Me and Lauren have been together for 2 years and I am estranged from my birth mother and sister. My dad is remarried to my stepmom.
I’ve known her for about 10 years and love her. My parents divorced when I was 15 due to my mother being unfaithful to my dad. I cut contact after the divorce. Long story is my sister doesn’t agree with my decisions regarding our mom so we don’t speak.
Deb (Lauren’s mom) is controlling over her kids and thinks she is some sort of “life coach” but has 0 credentials. She’s an absolute moron and tries to “fix” everyone around her.
I asked Lauren’s dad for permission which angered Deb. Lauren’s parents are separated. Around then Deb started saying how I needed to mend bridges with my family.
I told her I was perfectly happy with my family as is. She attempted to set up a therapy session with my sister, mom and myself whenever she found out I planned for my stepmom to do all the wedding activities because my mom wasn’t invited.
I found out. I was very angry. Blocked my sister, Deb and uninvited my sister from our wedding. The wedding was canceled. But we came back together with the deal that her mother is limited in our lives.
I do not speak to Deb unless I’m forced to.
But I was very angry a week ago and this led to the post here. During the planning process, Deb commented on things and I told her that we didn’t need opinions. She said my “attitude” is problematic. I told Lauren my stepmom would be covering the flowers, cake and table settings as her gift. Deb scoffed and said that was inappropriate for someone’s stepmom to do.
I said… “you know what Deb. She is actually paying for something unlike you. So maybe shut up for once?”. Lauren got involved and told her mom to stay out of it.
And then Deb said something like “that anger is why I tried setting up that therapy session”.
I said “the reason you tried setting up that therapy session is because you are a lonely, crazy, bored jerk with nothing else to do. You aren’t giving us anything for this other than your mouth. You couldn’t even afford a table setting because you have no job or money.
You’re still living in your husband’s house because you couldn’t afford your own. Maybe you should work on coaching up your own life”. I then said she should work on mending her fences. And I called her ex and handed her the phone.
Which she threw on the ground and left after.
Lauren is saying that her mom was wrong but I went too far calling her dad knowing what her mom supposedly went through. I said it’s no different than what Deb did. Deb has since texted Lauren calling my stepmom is a jerk (something my sister says).
I said then we can return my stepmom’s money to her given that the mother of the bride finds her money inappropriate. Lauren is saying it would be embarrassing to do that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ … as someone that’s dealt with a mother that sounds just like this, she won’t listen and you will end up going no-contact with her in the future, for the benefit of your relationship with your new wife.
Or, she’ll destroy your marriage. Good luck …” Illustrious_Bed902
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Just ESH. Deb is out of line with the therapy session and deciding who you should have contact with. You are out of line when it seems that your future FIL did some cruel or potentially abusive things to Deb and you threw that in her face and tried to force contact.
Plus the words you used to both describe her and then to her. In the end, I don’t think you are ready to get married. You need to work on yourself before entering into a committed relationship. Lauren needs to realize that she should wait until you have worked on you.” sheramom4
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Ex-Stepson's College Tuition?
“I (M51) used to be married to Kate (F47) for 8 years. We divorced two years ago largely because we just couldn’t get along anymore. If it matters, the decision to divorce was mutual. Kate has a son Troy (M19). Troy would split his time between our place and his father’s.
I got along reasonably well with Troy. He is a good kid, but was always a bit of a moody kid and he had a bit of a volatile relationship with his parents–although I guess that is pretty typical of any teenager to a degree.
However, I didn’t get caught up in those conflicts because it was clear he didn’t see me as a father figure. Nor did I try to be anything more to him than his mother’s husband. I treated him kindly and with respect, would help him out with anything he reasonably asked me and also pitched in with errands like giving him rides, helping him with homework, fixing his bike, etc. But for the most part, I left the parenting to his two actual parents.
Then yesterday Troy gave me a call. The first time I had heard from him since the divorce. He is back from college for the summer and asked if we could have lunch. I was more than happy to catch up with him. However, as the meal was drawing to a close, he asked me if I could help him pay for next year’s college.
Kate had told him that before we got divorced, I had promised her that I’d help pay for Troy’s college. Which I did. But, we divorced before that happened. Kate had lost her job a few months before and Troy didn’t know how he would pay for next year.
I told Troy that I’m really sorry things went that way, but things are different now. His mother and I are not married anymore and we are all going our separate paths. I am no longer married to his mother and don’t have the role in his life that I used to.
I’m happy to keep a relationship with him, but something like paying for his college is just not the role I have in his life anymore. Troy got really upset, told me to go away and left. A few hours later, Kate calls me and is absolutely enraged. She tells me that all I care about is money and don’t care about Troy.
I told her “Actually genius, if you were paying attention, you would see you have it backwards. I haven’t heard from Troy in two years and within an hour he is asking me for a huge sum money. I told Troy I’m happy to have a relationship with him.
However, he threw that back in my face and told me to go away when I told him I can’t give him the money.” She continues screaming down the phone until I tell Kate to be quiet and never contact me again. If she has something to say, she has my lawyer’s number and to talk to them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and for all those who say you should have kept the ‘promise’ you people are morons or entitled children. Divorced 2 years ago and have not spoken since but expecting someone to pay part of your tuition is ridiculous. As for the importance of promises…yes everyone should try to keep them but circumstances change and even children past the age of 10 should understand that.” Hot-Painting-8541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However I also think it’s pretty naive to say that a young man who grew up from 9-17 with you as his “mother’s husband” would not consider you to be a father figure in addition to his own bio-dad.
And a 17-19 year old is not a jerk for not knowing how to understand or approach this relationship post-divorce. Kate’s the jerk for leading her son to believe you promised/owed him college money.” RealTalkFastWalk
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Left Me On His Birthday To Hang Out With His Friends?
“This weekend was the birthday of my (18f) partner (19m).
I asked my partner several times in a timeline of 2 weeks if he had anything planned and he always said no. I offered him to go to the cinema and watch a movie he can choose but we ended up not going.
It was the night before his birthday and I planned to stay up with him and then blow out candles at midnight. I baked a cake the morning before going to his place.
An hour before midnight he decided to meet up with his buddy.
I got upset but let him do it. He first said he’ll be back 15 min after midnight but after seeing how upset I was he told me 15 min before midnight. In the end he came 5 min after midnight and the thing with the cake and candles was destroyed. I cried 10 min before because I was so upset and still cried when he came.
He said he’ll just stay a few min and then go back to his buddy. I literally begged him not to go but he went anyways. In the end he came back at 2am. I just placed the cake at the table and didn’t say much.
He ate it and he said it was so good.
After finishing the cake we went to bed but I kept my distance and he could hear me softly crying about it but not doing anything.The next day he saw I was still upset and asked me about it.
I told him how it was not cool to go to someone else when he knew what was planned. But he didn’t listen.
I told him what I had planned for his birthday and he was ok with it and told me he didn’t plan anything else
He also justified himself that it’s his birthday and I should just accept it because he can decide what he want to do for his birthday.
And lastly I don’t have anything against his plans to meet up. He could have done it if he really wanted to celebrate his birthday with them instead of me (of course I would be somehow upset but it’s indeed his birthday) the thing that bothers me is the fact that I baked him a cake, drove 1 hour to him and tried to make something good for him and he blew it all away just in a second
And yes I did get him a present.
I know I can be overreacting and I already do think I overreacted extremely. But I think what he did was not fair.
In the end it is his birthday and I have no say in it but I am still hurt because he chose his friends over me again and I know for a fact he wouldn’t do this if the places were switched. But I really feel bad I made this about my feelings and ruining his birthday.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ All this drama over coming home 5 minutes late? Seriously? It’s blowing out candles, your reaction makes it sound like he missed the birth of his child or something. Grow up. EDIT: I’m looking at a lot of your comments and you don’t really seem to know what ditching means.
If he ditched you, he wouldn’t have come home at all or he would have been back very late. *five minutes late* is not ditching.” BoyoDee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s his birthday and he can do what he wants. That being said, he made plans with you and then ditched you and that isn’t cool after you put so much effort into making him a cake and driving out to see him.
Just because it’s his birthday doesn’t mean he gets to mistreat you.” TheFinePrint85
15. AITJ For Setting Conditions To Financially Support My Mother After Father's Death?
“My father (late 40s, sole provider in the family) passed away recently. My mother (late 40s) automatically inherited their apartment. Now she keeps suggesting for me and my husband (late 20s) to come live with her and support her.
I don’t want to. At least not without strings attached.
We live in a 350ft² studio which is in dire need of capital repairs, so in theory, her nice 1000ft apartment would be a huge step up in terms of quality of life. Except for the fact that we’d have to live with my mother.
My husband is a student, so my income is all we have. My job pays well, so I could help her out, but it’s still a big long-term financial burden which I’m very conflicted about.
Now that father’s gone, Mother will have to find a job that would pay her enough to survive, pay for that huge apartment and financially support Grandma.
Huge struggle given the current state of the job market. Still, she’s not that old and not disabled or anything, so while I am willing to help her out a bit until she finds a job, I refuse to lay down my life like she did to support a narcissistic freeloader.
She could theoretically sell the apartment, but the housing market is in shambles here atm, so she’d be lucky to afford a studio with the payout. Still, she has all the right to do anything she wants with it regardless of my opinion. Sell it, remarry and make the new hubby the sole beneficiary — she can do whatever and legally I wouldn’t have a say.
So I can’t even be sure that I’m placing this burden on me for the inheritance. She’s still young. A lot might still change in her life.
I have discussed the situation with my husband and came to the conclusion that if she wants long-term aid, we would be willing to live with her while doing the capital repairs in the 350ft² studio to make it livable; and then let her live in it, while taking the 1000ft² apartment for ourselves.
But then I’d basically be exploiting my mother’s dire financial situation. Not very daughterly of me to take advantage of family.
Then again, we were never a normal family. For the first 9 years of my life, I was raised by an unkind grandma. Then my parents took me in and just neglected me.
I’m not sure how much of my life story I need to disclose for a fair judgment, but given the faces people usually make when I joke about my childhood, I’m guessing it was worse than I tend to give it credit for. Still, despite everything she’s my mom and I love her.
I just don’t like her.
Once I left their marriage crumbled, which led to us slowly coming back into contact and forming a friendly-ish relationship where I supported her emotionally through everything. But to me, this doesn’t erase all that happened prior and doesn’t mean we’re all a big happy family now.
So please tell me, WIBTJ for setting conditions to the financial aid for my mother?”
Another User Comments:
“You owe her nothing. She will resent you forever if you make her switch apartments. Just say tough luck, she can sell the apartment and live off the life insurance policies until she gets a job.
And if your grandmother was abusive, who cares if she ends up in a crappy home? She made her bed.” Rucio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But it seems like she only offered this to obtain a new source of income, now that your dad is gone, not because she wants you and your husband in her life every day.
Do not move in, do not pay for her stuff, do not support her. That is not your job, when she is old enough and capable of supporting herself. She’ll have to find her own solution, you are not it!! Save up your money for the repairs to your place, and do them one by one.
See to your own life and future.” Beneficial-Sense2879
14. AITJ For Confronting A Girl Scout Leader About Unsafe Driving?
“My daughter (11) was recently invited to a school friend’s birthday party. The mother of this friend (I’ll call her Sharon) is actually one of the Girl Scout leaders for their grade and they live just down the road from us.
I’ve met Sharon several times and she’s always been nice. A few days prior to the birthday party Sharon asked me if I’d like to come along with them on the party excursion (it was to a place in Brooklyn and we live in NJ).
I thanked her for the invite but explained that my parents were visiting from overseas and it was their last weekend before their flight back so I wanted to spend more time with them.
When my daughter got home from the party evening I found out that due to the party bus not turning up, Sharon had put six kids into her five-seater car (one girl in the front seat and five girls sharing the back three seats) and driven to the party venue and back like that.
I was pretty unhappy learning that these kids had been driven in this unsafe fashion and was pretty horrified by Sharon’s decision-making. At the same time, the kids are home safe, nothing happened, and I can just avoid this in the future by not putting my daughter in that situation again.
I decided it was better not to say anything to Sharon. I didn’t want to upset her over something that was already over and done.
A few days later there was a Girl Scout event that I took my daughter to and, as one of the Girl Scout leaders, Sharon was there.
I greeted her and we had a chat and then she brought up the birthday party situation. Not in an apologetic way, more of an “it was so annoying that the party bus didn’t come” kind of way, and then she joked about how she “had to drive the speed limit” while she had all the kids in her car.
I suggested that she could have called me and she said that I’d already said I was busy. I responded with “Yeah but if it’s between spending a bit of extra time with my parents or my kid riding illegally in the backseat of a car…” and then a kid ran up asking for something and we never really finished that conversation.
Later that night when I was at home I got a text message from her. She defended her actions from the day of the party by saying that she asked all the kids if they were okay with riding in the back of the car like that and they all said they were fine with it.
She said my daughter did suggest calling me but Sharon figured I was busy so she didn’t. She said my daughter had a choice to ride in the car or go home and that it’s not the law in NJ that backseat passengers have to wear a seatbelt.
My AITJ question is this: Should I have not brought it up at all seeing as it was over and done with? I’m not from this country and traffic laws do seem a little more lax here. Did I make a big deal over nothing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former Girl Scout leader, who originally lived in NJ, I know that Sharon should know better. NJ DOES require seatbelts for all in the car, and depending on the girl’s ages and weights, the girl in the front was also likely violating the law.
But most of all, ALL Girl Scout leaders are required to keep the girls safe in every situation. And Sharon made really bad decisions. Find a different troop or consider being your daughter’s leader.” gfdoctor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also pat yourself on the back bc you’ve clearly raised a smart young lady.
Hopefully, Sharon will get over this but if she doesn’t that’s her problem. I don’t care what the law is in NJ. What she did was unsafe. You weren’t rude or angry about it either. She got off easy.” Travelcat67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think most moms would not have done something like that. She was idiotic and unsafe and likely had many people she could have called to help her out. She’s a jerk. And as if your daughter would have said anything in that situation!
She’s just a kid.” Jujknitsu
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Nieces And Nephews In My Room?
“So about two weeks ago my sister (28), her five kids (aged 9-3), her partner, and their two dogs moved into our mom’s basement. So now at the house, it’s me (19), my mom (52) all of them, my brother (30) and his three kids (7, 4, and 3). That’s 13 people and two larger dogs in a 2-bedroom house.
A rule I have had since before my brother and his kids moved back in (about 4 years ago now) was no kids in my room. The only time I was willing to let a kid in my room was if I needed to watch a baby otherwise I would go out to the living room.
However, now that all these people have moved in my sister and her kids have been pushing it constantly. Of the 8 kids that currently live in the house, 3 of them have kids messenger. They’ve taken to messaging or calling me back to back until I respond and almost every time they’re asking if they can come hang out in my room.
I always say no, if they want to hang out I’ll come out or go down to the basement with them, or my next day off we can go up to the library and then the coffee shop. Recently the oldest will call me over 50 times in an hour while I’m at work to ask if she can go hang out in my room.
Just today I got called into the back because my boss was concerned something was wrong when it was my niece calling.
When I got off work I went to shower (I had walked home and was feeling miserable from the heat) and even just getting a shower I had kids knocking on the door asking if they could hang out in my room.
Even outside of me not wanting them in my room there is quite literally no space. My room is a wreck of trash, clothes, and all my stuff from the college dorms. There is no room for anyone besides me, I mean there’s barely even walking space from the door to my bed. (I’m currently struggling with depression and mentally do not have the energy to deal with it)
My sister pulled me aside after my shower and asked why I was being so stuck up and not letting anyone in my room? She kept going and even called me a jerk at one point. She then tried to argue that I let the boys (my brother’s kids) in all the time.
I pointed out I have NEVER willingly let a toddler or child in my room and any time they’re in my room I have a meltdown afterwards. She just kept getting more upset and eventually told me I’m not better than her just because I don’t have kids and I need to help out around here now and to stop being a stuck-up jerk about this.
I understand she’s extremely stressed right now and I’m helping as much as I can but I don’t know if I could handle kids in my ONE safe place in this overcrowded small house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she needs to respect your space and tell her to control her kids and stop harassing you with phone calls or she will end up getting you fired. They have the whole house, why exactly do they need your room?
Hasn’t she disrupted your life enough already? Get a lock on your door if you don’t have one already.” shadowofajoke
Another User Comments:
“Very NTJ, assuming your mother backs you up. You deserve your own space- it wasn’t your decision to move a football team into the basement.
Is this a permanent arrangement? God, I hope not. As to the messaging, the best thing to do is to turn the app off when you do not want to be disturbed. This will solve your work problem. There is nothing so important that it cannot wait until you are finished work.
As to when you are at home, install a door lock and invest in some good headphones. You do not owe anyone your time, energy, or any explanations for your actions. Your sister has bigger troubles than you- can’t imagine having 5 kids and not even bothering to get married. But that is another story.
For you, be calm, courteous, and consistent. Your room, your rules. Refuse requests with a regretful smile and a closed door.” Samwry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You deserve a space for yourself. I couldn’t imagine living together with so many other people! I also would try to hold on to the last bit of control I got left: my room and the access to it.
It’s a bit too soon to move out already, but it may help you to go sleep somewhere else once in a while, try to relax…” bob3725
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Is Going To Rome Without Me?
“My (21F) parents got divorced when I was 16. About a year later my dad (54M) met his new partner (41M) through an internet game.
His new partner already has two sons (14M & 17M) from a previous relationship and they live about 2 hours away from us. Until now we had a good relationship and hardly any problems.
My parents and I have always traveled a lot and my dad and I have been planning a trip to Rome since before.
So far, unfortunately, something has always come up, but the trip exactly to Rome with my dad is very important to me. My partner (20M) wanted to go with me, but I canceled because the trip was already planned with my dad and it was so very important to me.
The last time I asked when we were going together was earlier this week.
A few days ago I met with my dad and he told me in passing that he was flying to Rome with his partner and their two sons because the sons couldn’t agree on any other destination.
(Partner paid for herself and her sons, dad paid for himself and I would’ve paid for myself) No one talked to me or thought about whether I might want to go. Of course I was a bit surprised and also very hurt that my dad uses the first chance to go to Rome, of all places, without me and also about the fact that I am the only one who does not come along.
I told him so, whereupon he became angry and said I have a partner at home so it does not matter that I am the only one who does not come. He also said that since I have already traveled more than his partner and her children, we still have plenty of time to go to Rome.
I told him that was not the point. I said I don’t know if I will forgive him so quickly if he made this trip without me. We argued about it and it quickly escalated. He said I’m a lousy daughter and it’s okay for him if we don’t talk anymore just because I can’t get over it.
We are not talking right now.
His partner messaged me and said she was sorry that I felt that way, but she really wanted him to come and how awful it would be for her to go without him. She thinks I am pressuring him to not go.
No one but me has tried to find a solution or listened to my point of view.
I think I am the jerk because I spoil the others so their vacation and they do not often go on vacation but I also do not understand why I am excluded.
My mom, my partner, and some friends are on my side and say my dad and his partner are showing favoritism towards partner’s sons, but my dad and his family are all mad at me for ruining the vacation, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What absolutely lousy parenting. “My mom, my partner, and some friends are on my side and say my dad and his partner are showing favoritism towards partner’s sons.” That’s not really debatable. It’s literally favoritism. And to tell you so close the date as well.
Yikes. Just out of interest is it just that you want to visit Rome, or that it has to be with your dad?” Stoat__King
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad had a choice. He chose to go with them. He chose not to inform you despite knowing how important it was to the two of you.
I don’t think you spoiled this at all it was spoiled by your father’s initial decisions that led to this exact scenario. If I shoot myself in the foot and blame you for not stopping me when you had no idea what I was doing, who is really at fault?” RsHoneyBadger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but how exactly did you ruin their vacation? You were denied a vacation that you were expecting and looking forward to and you were upset about it. What level of entitled does it take to be expected to not only not be upset about it but pretend that you weren’t so that you could protect your father’s mood for their vacation?” User
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wealthy, Condescending Parents In My Apartment Again?
“Me (23f) and my fiance (26m) live together in a rather small and simple apartment. I come from a family with a big house, a big backyard and we had a few dogs throughout the years, too.
However, the finances my parents have to work with and the ones we have are very different.
My mother makes around 4000$ per month which in my country is enough to support a whole family all in itself.
I and my fiance make together around 800$ per month which is often barely enough to cover expenses.
I never minded our more simple lifestyle because I love him and we are working together to improve our financial status.
However, he’s always had this unspoken feud with my parents, he believes they’re snobs disconnected from reality who have never known how life outside of their bubble of comfort is and honestly, I’m inclined to agree, especially after the events that took place.
I had big trouble sleeping the past months and because of that, my therapist (which I don’t have money to pay, she offered her help because she said she sees my potential therefore she works for me pro bono) suggested I take some sleeping pills.
Pills I couldn’t afford, because the price for those pills would cover about 6 homemade meals. So I couldn’t spend that kind of money.
My mother and father decided to take a trip to Italy and visited us to leave their luggage in our apartment while they waited for the time they’d have to head to the airport.
She said she’ll give me money to buy myself those sleeping pills, didn’t give me the right amount but hey, enough to cover most of the pricing.
When they came back to the apartment for their bags, both of my parents looked disgusted that the house was a mess.
They have a cleaning lady. I don’t. I clean the whole place by myself because my fiance is at work most of the day. I can’t always handle it all.
Then they fixed something on the bag and my dad said “Well if we got no controlled substances on us then we all good.” And my mother replied “From where would we get controlled substances?” And he said “Maybe they (us) put some in our bags I don’t know.” To which my mother replied “Them?
Buying controlled substances? With what money? She doesn’t even have money for sleeping pills.”
Me and my fiance were furious but didn’t say anything about it, but it felt absolutely disgusting to be degraded like that in my own home that I live in and care for, it’s not much but it’s mine and I’m trying my best.
I told a friend about all this, mentioning that “I won’t even let them in next time. They don’t like it? Then they can stay out of my darn home.” And said friend said it’s a bit much and they’re still my parents. But I don’t need to be disrespected in my own home, I think that’s reasonable enough.
So yeah. AITJ for not wanting my parents anywhere near my place again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling the way you do about their condescension. But it seems like they aren’t quite sympathetic with regards to your situation. Don’t offer to put them up or host them.
If you have to meet them, do it in public. If anything, it sounds like there’s a whole lot more going on that might be difficult to squeeze into a post like this. But you paid for a space, I think you should be allowed to decide who is or isn’t welcome.
Sure, they’re your parents, but you should take care of yourself if it’s upsetting you so much to have them around your space.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your life and your apartment, if you don’t want your parents around then you don’t have to have them around.
I’ve never understood this blind loyalty that some people have towards family, even when they’re thoughtless people. I can only assume that they (people like your friend) have never been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior from family members and they view the situation through rose-tinted glasses.” Slight_Nail_5869
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’ve had family treatment like that. But I also had to wait to completely disconnect from family until I did not need hands-outs. Because at a time they got $20 they might give me during a visit where I wasn’t necessarily respected, meant food for my family.
Or at least better food. So I say this, do what you need to to get by. Even if it’s tolerating what you don’t want. Until you’re stable enough that you don’t need it at all. There is no shame in that. But think of it like remembering how people treat you when you’re down.
Shows whether or not they should be in your life when you’re up.” PicklesMcpickle
10. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Get Divorced In An Airport?
“The past 48 hours were death by a thousand cuts. Jesus Christ.
My family and I, a 23-year-old female, went to Italy this past week for a vacation.
It was my parents, my 17-year-old sister, my aunt, and my 27-year-old cousin. It was a mostly good time, pretty hot out, but the art was cool and I was excited about that.
Our flight home was three connecting flights, Venice to Montreal, Montreal to Toronto, and Toronto to my home city.
That’s a lot. It was a 30-hour day. My aunt and cousin got on a different flight out of Venice since they both live further away.
My parents have despised each other since I was 11. They almost got divorced when I was 13, but changed their minds, and will never let me forget that “staying together for the kids” meant that I’m the reason they’re so miserable now.
They sure do love to tell me that.
Anyways. Our flight delays, we have to sprint through Montreal, customs takes forever and my parents struggle with technology. My dad snapped at my mom, my mom snapped back, my dad started flirting with the flight attendant and some other lady in the airport, my mom shut down and almost didn’t get on the flight home, and they had been screaming- loudly- at each other for everyone in the Toronto airport to hear.
It was embarrassing.
I’ve been in and out of therapy for over a decade now dealing with their nonsense because they won’t go, and I end up being the collateral every time they would fight in front of me. (So every day my entire childhood.)
But while we were waiting to board, my dad starts chatting up some lady in front of my mom, who texts me this.
“If your partner treats you badly, you can break up. I have no option like that. Dad is now enjoying his second conversation with a second single woman since we left Italy and hasn’t had one polite conversation with me.
Just demeaning ones. I have no options like you did.”
So I snapped, and yelled at them BOTH, “Stop acting like children. This is not appropriate to do in front of me and my sister. Either go to therapy or get divorced. I’m tired of being your collateral every time you are at each others throats.”
I was on hour 30 of no sleep, I was hungry, and I was about to get on my third flight of the night. I don’t live with them, I have my own place, but for the past year any time they do this nonsense I just up and leave.
Unfortunately not possible in an airplane. They’ve both been laying into me for embarrassing/disrespecting them since the incident and idk. Maybe they need to get embarrassed in an airport. This nonsense can’t be normal. But maybe I’m playing victim like my mom says.
I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell them it’s not 1950 anymore, and nobody cares if they get divorced. It’s no longer a stigma, and they are both not doing anybody any favors by staying together. If anything , they are driving their children into therapy.
You say you have a sister, how old is she? If she is over 18, tell them it’s time for the divorce that absolutely everyone wants. There are no more children to hold them back. They no longer have “the children” as an excuse. Also go low to no contact until they ARE divorced. Their misery isn’t the children’s fault and it’s time they stop holding you responsible.
NTJ by the way.” Alarmed_Listen5588
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are selfish and inconsiderate. This is not staying together for the kids, this is making sure the kids feel unappreciated and unhappy. So sorry for you OP.” EmphasisCheap8611
9. AITJ For Telling My Stepmother And Stepsister I Don't Want To Be Family After My Dad's Death?
“I am in therapy with my stepmother Emma and stepsister Luna (12). Emma and my dad have been married for 8 years. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 5 and now I am losing my dad to cancer as well. Because I have never been all that close with Emma or Luna and because when asked, I told my dad I would like to keep the previous plans for me if I lost both parents, which is going to my maternal grandparents, Emma decided we needed therapy together, the three of us, while dad is still here.
So we have been going for four months now. The idea of therapy is that when dad is gone we remain a family. Emma wants that. Luna wants that. I don’t. Which Emma has always known that for me, any interest in her was always going to have to factor my dad into the equation.
Luna kinda knows that as well. I was never the sister she wanted me to be.
For a couple of weeks, they would ask me if I was “removing them from my table” when dad dies. That’s the expression the therapist has us using to basically ask if we’ll be in each other’s lives when he goes.
The therapist wouldn’t let that be asked right away. She wanted to work on some other things first. But she has allowed the question. She has also said I do not need to answer. She reaffirmed that last time. Saying maybe it was something Emma and I should be discussing without Luna present.
Emma said Luna deserves to know if her sister doesn’t care about her. The therapist said it was not the way things should be worded, and especially not to a child. Emma said it was clear I knew my answer and I should answer. I told her it was clear she knew the answer and would not take hearing it very well and neither would Luna so they should not ask questions they don’t want the actual answers to.
I told her they were looking to be mad at me but first I needed to say it out loud.
Emma is furious. I know Luna is upset and I feel bad she was there to hear it all. She loves me and has never called me her stepsister or thought of me as not her sibling and I have never returned that and it sucks for her.
Emma told me I was a jerk and that at 16 I should know better than to throw away my family. She told me I should not hold all the bad decisions she made regarding to me against her and Luna and that I should not take Luna’s only sibling from her when she’s losing the only father she knew as well and the only one who cared. I told her she should never have brought us to therapy in the first place when she knew what was happening.
AITJ for what I said though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People shouldn’t ask questions they don’t want the answers to and also, your stepmother saying you shouldn’t hold her actions towards you against her is pretty rich. “She told me I should not hold all the bad decisions she made regarding me against her” – who should take responsibility for that?
The Easter bunny? NTJ NTJ.” antiquity_queen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think the topic of her bad decisions needs to be tabled as to why you have zero interest in maintaining a relationship with her. You should also have a private discussion with your dad to ensure you are the sole beneficiary to all of his assets/life insurance/superannuation.
After the trauma of losing two parents, leaving you destitute when it could be avoided would be a cruel twist. I am so sorry for your loss. and the loss to come.” dheffe01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but do you have access to individual therapy?
That’s a lot to go through as a teenager. Also I agree with other commenters that it might help to tell Luna that none of this is her fault. But I also get that you need to make the best decisions for your own life.” KoiTakeOver
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Spoiled Sister A Role In My Wedding?
“My fiancée (26f) and I (26m) are getting married next year. We have already chosen our bridesmaids and groomsmen. I am very close to my wife’s two brothers, to the point they are like my brothers and one is actually my childhood best friend, so they are my groomsmen and my wife has her two best friends as her bridesmaids.
I do have a younger sister (25f) and I dislike her. She is the biggest spoiled brat anyone will ever meet. Our parents coddled her and treated her like a princess from the moment she was born. She expects everyone to treat her the same.
It only got worse when she turned 7 and was diagnosed with leukemia. After that, she became a monster and our parents allowed that to happen and maybe they even encouraged it. I have wished I could have been an only child or born into a different family so many times.
I am basically no contact with her and very low contact with my parents, who I have slightly more contact with because I will rarely see them when around extended family.
Our wedding party decisions led to some outrage from my parents and my sister, who were already planning in their heads what my sister’s bridesmaid dress would look like.
My fiancée actually hasn’t seen my sister since we left high school and she prefers it that way and so do I.
She apparently cried to some extended family about how hurt she is that I would exclude her from this huge moment when both my fiancée’s brothers are in the actual wedding.
Most of them were not even lightly moved by her performance but a couple of aunts I am pretty close to were. I guess the whole childhood cancer thing was brought up and tugged on those heartstrings because they brought my parents to my home for us to talk and I was told how cruel it is not to give my sister a role in my wedding and if my fiancée doesn’t want her as a bridesmaid.
I could have her on my side as a groom’s something. They pointed out that it sends a very clear message and I could give her a chance now that she’s grown.
I argued back and told them I have no interest in her and I told my parents they did not have the right to say anything about it when they were the ones who created the monster she became.
My aunts kind of shooed them out at that point and said they were sorry, but asked me to consider my sister because if she has changed or does change in the future, my decision will solidify that we will never have a relationship.
I am still being called a Jerk (though not directly) by my parents and sister.
Sister still hasn’t won anyone else over but I also know those two aunts I am close with want me to make a decision that is not one I’d like to make.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is yours and your bride’s day. You get to decide who is in the wedding and who gets invited to the event.
Make sure all your plans are password-protected. Hope you have a wonderful wedding surrounded by the people you want there” Jacce76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to understand that this dynamic related to childhood cancer survivors is pretty common. More people are likely seeing you as a jerk than what you are aware of.
They are going to spin it as “brother cut out a cancer survivor,” just be ready to deal with that.” User
7. AITJ For Removing My Parents' Door After My Stepdad Took Mine Away?
“My (18F) parents split up when I was 12 as a result of my Mum’s infidelity. I was definitely on my Dad’s side however my Mum’s house was closer to my school so I had to stick with it. I would see my Dad on weekends but they both agreed I had to stay with my Mum in the school week.
My mum met this guy Harry a couple of years ago and they got married. I think their relationship is gross, he’s 15 years her senior but he makes my Mum happy so I can’t really do anything about it. He has made my life unbearable.
There’s no mutual respect between us and I keep out of his way and he keeps out of mine. I think he has OCD or something because everything has to be clean and out of sight all of the time.
If I leave any pans after I cook on the side because I’m eating my hot food and intend to wash them right after, I have to stop eating and clean them and my dinner goes cold.
If I leave a book in the living room, I have to immediately put it away. If I make a cup of tea, I have to wipe down the surface. I don’t spill the sugar, I don’t spill any milk but the surface was technically used so it needs to be cleaned. God forbid the house doesn’t look like a showroom.
My mum follows his rules but I hate them. I’m not even untidy. I just don’t want to clean things when they don’t need to be.
My room had a door so if I left any books or paper out after studying or like an empty mug, he couldn’t see them.
Until he knocked on my door one time and started making me clean my own room when it’s not even messy and would inspect it and make me do it again if he didn’t like it. Last weekend, he decided to replace my door with a curtain so he could just pull it and see if there was any “mess”.
He said I deserve it for being so unclean.
So, today I got a friend of mine to swing by and we unscrewed my parents’ door and put up a curtain whilst they were grocery shopping. He helped me lift my bed which is where I’m keeping the door.
As I expected, the room was bare. Everything was behind closet doors. I figure if I don’t have a door as an adult, neither should he. My stepdad went mental, demanding me to reinstall the door but I refused. I said that if I can’t have one, neither can he so now I have no curtain.
I don’t mind, I just stand by the wall to change and they haven’t grounded me or taken anything too important since my Dad buys me things.
My Dad caught wind of what I did and while he thought it was funny, he said that it was their house so I need to give them the door back.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And a grown man taking away a young girl’s door/curtain to her room and barging into her room at will allowing for no privacy is abusive and feels…slimy- like he’s trying to catch you vulnerable or without clothes.
And your mother allowing this stranger to control your home life and be abusive/disrespectful of you is disgusting and pathetic. This isn’t a safe environment for you. Time to move in with Dad or find an apartment on your own and commute the extra distance to school.” Tizzery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How can your mum stand by & let him remove your door?! I understand wanting to keep a clean home, but he is definitely going to the extreme with his behavior. Sadly though you are 18, my best advice is to save to move out or see if you can live at your dad’s.
You’re an adult now & it’s your choice where you live. I would say to your mum that you’re a grown woman & he is violating your privacy. Does she want him to see you getting changed or touching yourself? If no, then get her to give your frickin door back.” Snoo_93823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So weird taking an 18 year olds door. Your mum should stick up for you. I also don’t understand your dad’s reaction, yes your revenge was funny but I’d be more concerned if my son’s stepdad had taken my teenage son’s door.” EstimateElegant8846
6. AITJ For Winning Trivia About The Bride And Groom At Their Engagement Party?
“I (26f) am the maid of honor for the wedding of my best friend since high school (25f) and her fiancé (32m).
I have been living with them for the past 7 months because I went through a breakup and they were saving up for their wedding, they have a big house he inherited but don’t make a ton of money so by renting a spare room to me they get a bit of extra money and I’ve been able to save by paying less than I would elsewhere while I pivot to my next move.
I will be moving out in the next couple of months. We all work outside of the home and I use the back entrance where my room and bathroom are downstairs, so they still have lots of privacy.
At their engagement party, one of the games they played was basically a game of how well you know each of them by asking trivia questions about their lives.
I ended up winning for the bride, which is reasonable, but then I also won for the groom.
The crowd at this party included many family on both sides including cousins, as well as lifelong friends of both the bride and groom. And some of the questions were things like how many cars has the groom had in his life etc.
Many at the party got visibly mad when I won and grumbled and said I shouldn’t have been allowed to play since I lived with them. Not just a little bit of eye-rolling, a lot of people made a big deal out of it for the remainder of the party to the point it made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. First of all, they could have made a rule that the maid of honor and best man don’t play, or could have just straight up said I can’t play since I live with them if they really cared so much, I wasn’t that invested in it.
But also, most of the questions were not things I had an edge on by living with them. At this point, I have only known this guy for a little over two years, he had friends at the party that he’s known for 10-15 years.
I have always been told by friends and acquaintances, that I am a very good listener, and people will be surprised that I remember a detail about something they told me a while ago.
And I didn’t even know I was going to get his questions right, I was just guessing.
For example, the question about how many cars he’s had in his life, I just thought about the different stories he told that involved various cars and added it up.
Ultimately I wish I had just sat it out, I didn’t care about winning and just thought we were having fun and even describing it here it feels like a weird thing to have to defend and explain.
So, AITJ for not sitting the game out as the maid of honor who lives with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- they sound jealous because you upstaged them with your superior listening skills. You probably made them feel like crappy friends, but I mean if some of them have known the groom for 10-15 years and still lost..
they pretty much are crappy friends.. lol.” Fragrant_Exchange_47
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ paying attention to and remembering what people say about themselves and their lives, it shows that you care. I do not know how you conducted yourself at the party but most likely his friends were just upset as they felt they should know him better as they knew him longer.
Hope the wedding goes better!” New-Peace-4140
5. AITJ For Choosing My Partner Over My Best Friend Who Dislikes Him?
“I met my partner, we’ll call him Jack, in school. We never spoke until our last year of high school. We became close. I met my best friend at the start of high school and have been friends since, we’ll call her Lucy.
Throughout school, Lucy has experienced a lot of bullying and because of this now suffers from panic attacks, anxiety, and depression as well as going to therapy. During the last year of school, I and Jack became quite close and we decided to get together.
During this school year, Lucy didn’t express any negative feelings she had against Jack. Once we started seeing each other Lucy told me that she didn’t like Jack. We’re all in a group chat which was constantly filled with messages of her attacking him.
Whenever Jack and I asked Lucy why she didn’t like him she would always say he should know.
Jack and I then broke up after a few months and didn’t speak for six months. I then began struggling with depression and even tried to take my own life. I spoke to Lucy about this and she said, if you think that’s bad then try dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
I then felt truly alone at this point especially since I have never spoken to her like that when she needed support. Due to the immense feeling of loneliness, I reached out to Jack and we began getting close again. We got back together and once again the hostility started between Jack and Lucy.
I asked Lucy if she could tell me why she doesn’t like Jack. She told me that it was because he was one of the people who bullied her in school. I asked what he did. Lucy said that he never said anything, he laughed at a joke told by another classmate at her expense.
I spoke to Jack about this and he doesn’t remember it happening. After a month Jack and I broke up and decided to remain friends. Jack and Lucy continued to be hostile in the group chat. Lucy didn’t like how close me and Jack were becoming however decided to try and be more civil with Jack at my request.
We’re now all 20 years old. Jack and I got back together and have now been seeing each other for 3 months. Lucy met a partner while at university. Lucy has come back for summer and arranged a date with me and Jack. We had a good time and believed that it went well.
The following day I get a message from Lucy saying that she didn’t like Jack’s attitude. I was confused by this so I asked what she meant. She said that he was asking questions and laughing. The questions that were asked was to Lucy’s partner who barely said more that three words and the laughing was because we were enjoying ourselves.
I explained this to Lucy and she just began attacking Jack again and even throwing comments about our relationship.
I got fed up and said that if she has a problem with me seeing Jack then she needs to tell me so I can stop wasting my time.
She then told me that it was an issue and she’s glad that I said that cause she didn’t want the friendship to be affected. I then told her that I don’t think we can be friends. Lucy went mad and started saying that I’m unloyal and a bad friend.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NJH? There’s a lot going on here. It’s weird for her to compare trauma. It’s all valid. I can understand her not wanting her BFF to go out with someone who participated in her being bullied. I would definitely be upset if my BFF knew the history, didn’t care, then decided to end our friendship instead.
Don’t know if that makes anyone a Jerk, though.” Apprehensive_Risk266
Another User Comments:
“NTJ simply because you’re not choosing a partner over a best friend. You’re choosing a partner over someone who didn’t care that you nearly died. Dump Lucy. Your relationship with Jack is not the core issue in this toxic friendship.” cnm1989-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on the title, I was expecting that you would be the problem here, but nope, your friend is unhinged. Whether or not you end up staying with Jack, you should definitely dump Lucy and watch your back. She sounds like she could flip on you hard.” Realistic_Sorbet2826
Your friend was not there to support you, when you needed it. Has done nothing but put down your BF. Is she really your friend, or just someone you think of as a friend, only because she's been around for a long time?
4. AITJ For Denying A Firework Sale Due To Invalid ID?
“I am a “U-Scan” cashier for a relatively large corporation in the USA. As many of you know, the Fourth of July is tomorrow and fireworks have been on sale for a few days by now.
The policy of my store is that we must ID everyone for any liquor and/or tobacco products. This policy is printed and taped to every register that a customer might go to. My store takes any government-issued identification card so long as it is valid and not expired. The only exception to this policy is that if the person looks at old as time (as in loss of hearing, trouble with comprehension, etc.) we are allowed to bypass the ID requirement.
With fireworks being a temporary item that we sell, my store doesn’t bother reprinting every single piece of paper— it’s rather a waste. So, us as cashiers, understand that we must ID for fireworks (being the minimum age to buy is 16) excluding sparklers and those ones you throw on the ground (can’t recall the name).
With context out of the way, now for my dilemma. It was a busy afternoon and a woman with her child came in to buy fireworks along with an item from produce. I notice their screen lights up for a required ID check and I scan my barcode to allow me to put in the information.
I look to the lady and asked for an ID. She looks at me funny but grabs her wallet to present me with her driver’s license. I take the card and look at it. Before I even find the birthday, I have to hand her the card back and say, “I’m sorry ma’am, but this isn’t a valid form of identification.” Why?
Every now and then I will get a customer who comes in with a driver’s license that states at the very top: “NOT VALID FOR IDENTIFICATION”. I’m unsure why it’s invalid, but since it’s a government-issued card, I follow what it says and have confirmed with my manager of how to appropriately react to that situation.
So, I continue, “Do you have another form of identification?”
“What? Do I not look old enough?” She asked.
I replied, “You do ma’am, but I’m just required to ask for ID.”
She scoffs and says that she doesn’t have another ID, so I take the fireworks and put them aside to be put away later.
Five minutes have passed and I thought the lady was gone, but she was not. Instead, she went to an actual register and bought the fireworks there. Then she proceeded to interrupt me while I was helping another customer and pointed her finger at me and then shoved the fireworks in my face saying, “See!?
You are racist!” And marched out of the store.
I sighed and said, “I had a feeling that would happen.” And continued to scan the items of the gentleman, whom of which, bought liquor and I still IDed for even though his hair is completely white and is a regular at the store.
Because that’s our policy.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were just doing what you were supposed to do. I remember almost 20 years ago carding for tobacco products, our computer system started asking for bday and we had to ID everyone (prior to that it was ‘if they look under 40’ visual check an ID).
So many upset people, and for what? Customers just taking it out on kids following the rules to check IDs when they didn’t even necessarily want to – I had some really upset regulars in particular but I couldn’t bypass the prompt and upper management warned us about entering fake bdays get around it too – some things never change.” imsilverpoet
3. AITJ For Calling My Audiophile Friend A Snob?
“My (30M) close friend Liam (29M) has some behaviors that I consider snobbish. Specifically, he is judgmental about my audio equipment in a way that sometimes feels hurtful. Background: I do not consider myself an audiophile, I just like listening to music. He is very into speakers and all that.
I think it’s super cool, and I am very interested in hearing what he has to say most of the time. It doesn’t bother me when he shares his passion, it bothers me when he makes unsolicited judgments about others.
To give you an idea, the first thing he will typically comment on when he enters a room is the tech (esp. audio stuff) that is in the room.
It would be one thing if it was a description “oh, there is X speakers in this room” but instead it’s more of an “oh my gosh, how are they listening to music with X speakers???” He will also make comments along the lines of “you can’t really appreciate music with those speakers or that record player.” These comments deeply confuse me as well as frustrate me, so I used to handle it by calmly asking him to explain why he thought that.
If I didn’t really understand something, like why your equipment needs certain features to appreciate music, I would ask. At this point though, he usually just kind of grumbles and scoffs and says “I don’t know it just is.” It really hurts my feelings sometimes because it makes me feel like he thinks less of me.
I wish it didn’t get to me, but it does sometimes.
Things took a turn for the worse over the weekend when both he and my partner were over. Note, Liam and my partner already do not get along for other reasons. Anyways, my partner’s headphones recently broke, and she asked me if I would recommend the pair I use.
I said “yeah, I think they are pretty good!” Liam, unsolicited, does this whole “they are fine-ish, but I wouldn’t recommend them to anyone.” My partner replies “oh, well I’m sure they will be an improvement from my old ones.” Liam asks what kind of pair she used to use, and then proceeds to criticize her after she replies.
He then says “no wonder your taste is what it is, you haven’t actually been hearing the music!” I had enough at this point and turned to him and said “quit being a snob dude!” The rest of the day is fairly awkward until he leaves.
Later the next day, he calls me, telling me that what I said really upset him and that he cried for quite some time. I felt bad and apologized, but also tried to explain why what he has been saying hurt both me and my partner.
He said that calling him a snob for having a passion is really unfair, and that he wouldn’t do that with my passions. Idk, I feel bad for upsetting him, but I was really hurt by his behavior yesterday and I did think it was really snobbish.
Maybe I shouldn’t have shot back the way I did.”
Another User Comments:
“Liam is a jerk. He’s not being criticized for having a passion – he’s being criticized for his attitude towards anyone who doesn’t fully share his passion. It sounds like Liam is at least a “real” audiophile, rather than the sort of nut who spends stupid money on magnetically aligned cables, and it’s fine for him to enjoy high-end audio equipment.
But it’s perfectly possible to enjoy and appreciate music without all that stuff. NTJ.” _mmiggs_
2. AITJ For Ignoring My Ex's Attempts To Contact Me After She Claimed To Be Pregnant?
“I was in a relationship with a co-worker, and it was, without a doubt, the most profound love story of my life. The connection I felt with her was unparalleled, and she instantly became my best friend due to the deep conversations we had and our shared interests.
However, over time, things took a turn for the worse. She began acting cold towards me, and gradually, we started ghosting each other. The emotional toll became unbearable, and I eventually had to quit my job. This was particularly devastating because the job provided a higher income than I had ever experienced before, offering financial stability that was now lost. It felt like a heartbreak on steroids, losing both the girl of my dreams and my financial security.
Despite the difficulties we faced, we managed to maintain sporadic contact, mostly through sharing memes or silly TikToks. Although our conversations were never as deep as before, I held onto the hope of potentially fixing things between us. I attempted to go no contact for a month in an effort to forget about her, but I couldn’t succeed. I know I may sound desperate and pathetic, but one afternoon, I went out for lunch with a former colleague, partly to gauge my ex-partner’s reaction.
Surprisingly, just 30 minutes after I returned home, she messaged me. In my desperation, I started messaging her, hoping for a positive response. However, she left my messages unread, and after a few days, she informed me that she had a partner. She unfollowed me on Instagram, and it seemed like that was the end of it.
A few days later, she contacted me, asking for a screenshot of our last conversation. I chose not to respond, believing she was merely trying to toy with my emotions. Then, she went to some of my colleagues, requesting my new phone number and urging them to have me call her.
This behavior was completely out of character for her, as she had never spoken about me in front of them before. Over the next two days, she called me at least 10 times, but I decided not to answer, assuming she was attempting to play mind games with me.
The situation took an even more unexpected turn when one of my colleagues informed me that she had told him she was pregnant. He congratulated me and even asked about potential baby names. Feeling utterly confused and frustrated, I responded harshly and blocked him. Currently, my ex-partner has deactivated her Instagram account, leaving me in a state of confusion and desperate for answers.
I’m torn about what to do next. Should I continue reaching out to her, or was my decision not to respond the right choice? I feel like my brain will melt if I don’t find some clarity soon. Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“Do you think the baby is yours or the new partner? Start with a paternity test and then decide your best course of action from there.” Fuzzy-Government-436
Another User Comments:
“No. NTJ at all. This girl is running rampant over you. She sounds like a head case, and she needs help.
Keep her blocked and move on with your life. I’d also suggest that you see a therapist yourself.” LadyNiko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This went downhill fast. You know she’s manipulative. Stay away from her. She’s playing you for a fool. Get hobbies, hang out with positive vibing friends and LIVE YOUR LIFE.” Sunnyandbright007
1. AITJ For Banning My Flatmate From Using My Balcony After She Refused Me Access To Her Bathroom?
“I (F 23) live in a flat shared with two other girls (“Marie” and “Emma”). There are three bedrooms/three bathrooms. Me and Marie have an ensuite room, Emma’s bathroom is in the hallway.
“We” have a balcony. To access it, there is a door in the living room (with a key that I used to leave in the lock) and a glass door in my bedroom.
My bedroom has a bay window on one side, with the door opening onto the balcony. I have a curtain that hides the bedroom. It is (in my lease) “my” balcony, the rent I pay is also higher than my flatmates.
A month ago, Emma moved in during a weekend while I was away.
When I got home, I noticed that she was using my balcony. At that time, I didn’t say anything to her as I’m quite shy and I wanted to avoid making a bad impression.
Emma always goes out to the balcony around 6 a.m., which constantly wakes me up because I leave the balcony door open while I sleep, she makes noise (playing music out loud) and the smell spreads in my room.
Anyway, on Tuesday my shower broke down, Marie was on holiday. Emma told me on Tuesday “listen, tomorrow night you can use my bathroom, no problem, I won’t be spending the night in the apartment anyway”. So, on Wednesday when I got home from work I send her a message to confirm that she is ok that I use her bathroom.
She replies that no, she has changed her mind and is not comfortable with me using her private property (her exact words).
Even if I can understand, it annoyed me because she had told me the day before that it was ok. So I told her that from now on she can’t use the balcony anymore because it’s my private property, I pay more to have the balcony and she wakes me up almost every day.
I realize it’s “petty” but I haven’t said anything for weeks and keep letting her use the balcony even though it bothers me.
She was not happy at all and told me that I was a kid and should grow up. According to her, a bathroom and a balcony are very different – I agree, but I pay more per month for the balcony and since she uses my balcony at all times, I always have to keep my curtains shut to have privacy.
It’s also very annoying when my friend comes by, because with the balcony door open (the weather is really warm so I need to leave it open) she can hear everything that’s going on in my room.
Since then I’ve been thinking a lot about it, I think I’m within my rights and even if it’s true that I “take revenge” a little, I’ve been letting her wake me up every morning for weeks.
She doesn’t talk to me anymore and I wonder if I made the right decision?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t you being petty; it’s you realizing that you’ve been inconveniencing yourself for someone who would never do the same for you.
A shower is a necessity, a balcony isn’t; the fact that she wouldn’t let you shower shows just how little she’d be willing to do for you, so stop making yourself less comfortable for her.” littlefiddle05
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a Jerk, not letting your roommate use the shower when theirs is broken is not cool at all.
However, “I also don’t like the smell in the morning.” Then just quit already because you do sound like a hypocrite.” adventuresofViolet
