People Unveil The Gray Areas In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Brother's Partner Giving My Food To Her Kid Without Asking?
“For context, my brother (26m) and I (22F) have lived in the same apartment for 3-ish years. It was a mutual decision and we split the cost of everything, 50-50. He earns more than I do, but the split cost is okay with me.
His partner (24f) started living with us almost a year ago, and her kid (4F, not with my bro) comes to stay with us sometimes. This was not discussed at all, and while I don’t really like kids, I don’t generally mind having her around. His partner doesn’t share with the bills, she pitches in when she can and does her share of chores and cooking.
So here’s the thing. I work night shifts remotely. I buy snacks so I have something to munch on to keep me awake at night. My brother’s partner also stocks up on food for her kid, and this is generally classified as just for the kid. Nobody is allowed to touch it, not that anyone would steal food from the kid in our house.
I also keep my own stash of cookies and the like in our common area, as I don’t want to attract ants in my room. The problem is, her kid sometimes wants to eat my food. If I am there and they ask, I do share some. But I budget my stash so I have enough till my next grocery run.
However, recently, I’ve noticed that my food gets depleted real fast even though I’ve been eating less. Again, I really don’t mind sharing as long as people ask. I asked my brother if he’s been taking my food, but he says he hasn’t. He did tell me that the kid prefers my cookies to what her mom gives her, so the mom has been giving her mine.
I confronted his partner and asked that they ask my permission next time before consuming my food. They both got mad at me, saying I shouldn’t be so selfish and just share with the kid.
Am I the jerk here? It is just food, but it’s been my only indulgence since my budget is tight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first up, why are you paying 50% when this is clearly a 3-way flat share now? Also, why doesn’t the kid’s mom just buy the same cookies you do, then there’s no need for them to pinch yours. They are being unreasonable but like wrongdoers everywhere they need to blame you so that they don’t feel bad about themselves.
Get a better, more robust cookie jar that repels ants, and take it into your room.” boglyric
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have a very frank convo with her and bro and say “I’m not a free grocery service for you and your kid. I do not take your food, so do not take mine.
And since this problem has popped up, I’m now reminded you and your kid are over here using utilities and space that my brother never cleared with me, so let’s talk about your contribution to the household and ground rules for you staying here.”” 28Improved
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have asked before taking your food.
If it was some kind of emergency and you haven’t been around – they should have told you later and apologized. They are not entitled to just take your stuff and call it sharing. Also: why can’t she just buy the cookies herself? You’re right to be angry.” nerdiesthomemaker82
23. AITJ For Trapping My Neighbor's Intrusive Cat To Protect My Baby?
“I had a new neighbor move in not too long ago with a pet cat. The cat is not confined to the boundaries of their house (there are low walls/fences around everyone’s houses) and frequently goes ‘visiting’ other houses on a neighborhood tour.
At the start, I found it somewhat amusing to see the cat in my backyard and driveway but that changed once the cat started heading up to the bedrooms in my house. This was alarming as I have a baby and I know that the cat has also frequently entered the drains outside our houses.
I spoke to my neighbour about it but she dismissed it saying that there was nothing she could do and I’m fussing too much just because I had a child.
I’ve tried keeping the doors and windows shut as well as spraying cat repellant but somehow the cat has managed to find a way in, including eating food left out on the kitchen tables.
In addition, the cat’s presence also attracts the neighborhood stray cats, turning my front yard into a battleground late at night.
At the suggestion of a friend, I loaned some traps from a government animal welfare agency. So this program basically loans out traps to homeowners with stray cat complaints. The agency picks up tracked cats and scans for identification tags.
Stray cats will then be rehomed and pet cats returned to owners. The grey area here is using them for overly intrusive pet cats as it is an almost 1-hour drive to their facility to pick up your pet cat if it has been trapped.
I thought that doing that will perhaps prompt my neighbor into keeping her cat indoors since she’s unwilling to barricade her house.
In addition, other neighbors have also raised this as an issue to her.
After 3 of such trap and release incidents, I’m surprised that nothing has been done on her end. However, she seems to have found out that the traps were placed in my house and is accusing me of being cruel to animals.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a vet student we had an entire month on just the dangers of free-roaming cats. It’s not animal cruelty, you’re trying to help the stray cats get adopted out! Your neighbor just has a stick up their butt and doesn’t want to put in the effort of keeping their cat.
And with a baby, an outdoor animal has SO many germs that can really harm the baby’s undeveloped immune system. Tell them you are helping the strays find new homes, and if the neighbor doesn’t want to have to keep picking up their cat to keep it indoors, or at least in their own yard (put some chicken wire or scrap at about a 45-degree angle, and the cat won’t jump up).” KandyShopp
22. AITJ For Putting My Logo Stamp On A Handmade Wedding Card?
“A family friend’s daughter (30F) (let’s call her Cherry) is getting married, and I (28NB) can’t make the wedding due to prior commitments.
Cherry and I used to be involved in a church youth group together with a bunch of other girls, and super close. I had drifted apart from the rest towards the end of high school due to… let’s say philosophical differences.
Cherry’s wedding is the 4th wedding I’ll have missed from that group. In my defense, a month/5 weeks is cutting the notice wire a little close for my schedule.
But even though I couldn’t make it I will still buy a registry gift and send a hand-made card with my folks. (Almost all our parents get along really well.) Previously, I had never heard anything bad about the cards, but my dad may have heard and decided not to pass it on.
The cards I’ve made are all hand painted, referencing their Pinterest boards and wedding invites to stay on theme.
And I do good work. The point of contention is my logo stamp. On the back of every card in a corner is a stamp with my business name. It’s small and done in a complimentary to the card stock. I put that stamp on everything I sell and make.
According to my mother, Cherry initially seemed to love the card.
But she “made a face” when she found the stamp. Which meant I later got a message from her, the MOH, and most of the bridesmaids. (MOH and 1 BM were two of the weddings I missed)
They told me my logo stamp is tacky and attention-seeking and that it was a rude business plug to insert into her special day.
That I was just jealous of never getting to be the bride, and I was too flaky for never being at their weddings. That I was being petty and had ruined Cherry’s day.
I was tired when I saw the messages, so I somewhat rudely told them ALL to “buzz off” and just throw the cards away if they hated them so much.
Which apparently made Cherry cry because she just wanted a new card without the logo. And I refused because I felt hurt by the harassment and misgendering. And I felt like a little logo on the back (where most commercial cards have theirs bigger) wasn’t that bad.
But I’m bad at reading social situations. And I want to make sure it isn’t actually a jerk move.
Am I the jerk for stamping my logo on the back of a wedding card I made, and refusing to make a new one without the logo?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I sew and I slap my logo on everything I make (gifts, personal use, use for selling). It’s your hard work and besides that, it shouldn’t matter to the receiver.
It’s also on the b****y back. If you had bought a card, there would also be a logo on the back. What’s the difference with something you made (and guessing are also selling)? If their day was ‘ruined’ because of this, I fear for the rest of their lives…” Ikaryas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You hand-made a card and marked it with your ‘signature’. No one gets upset at getting a painting with a signature in the corner, no one SHOULD get upset for receiving a gift that has been ‘signed’ by the person who created it. The people who messaged you are ridiculous, rude, and entitled. Cherry’s day was ‘ruined’ because of a logo on the back side of a card?
Nonsense. If Cherry wanted a new card without a logo on it, there was a better way to ask you: ‘Hey, OP, I love the card you made me – can I get another one without the logo on it? I’d like that because REASON.’ Cherry did not do that. Instead, she sicced her wedding party on you and they started bullying you and insulting you.
I’d have told them to ‘buzz off’ too!” Mirianda666
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight. You’re hand-making a card as part of a gift to the bride and groom? And it’s one card per wedding that you go to? And the brides are upset about a logo on the back of a card?
Oh, good grief!! I am into card marking and it’s common to put a logo or “handmade by OP” on the back. AND I’ve received handmade cards from others who have done the same thing. Their reactions are way too petty and they don’t understand the concept of handmade cards. NTJ.” DiamondHeist1970
21. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Partner's Knife Prank That Triggered My Phobia?
“I’ve (22M) been with Nicole (25F) for a couple of years now and she’s always liked survival stuff and weaponry and all that. I absolutely don’t.
Really, really bad experiences with knives when I was younger, and Nicole knows about them. We both love Halloween and usually throw a party and dress up and goof around, cook up pumpkin seeds, and watch movies.
Anyway the point is Nicole loves doing tricks with her knives (like five-finger fillet, flicking it open and closed, twirling it etc.) and she’ll do it when we’re watching a show or movie together – forgetting that I’ve asked her please not to.
Or she’ll buy a new one and show it off, asking if I want to give it the first bite(??) and pout when I say no. Two days ago she was playing with it again and I asked her why she keeps forgetting and she said “wow okay don’t insult my intelligence again” and then that it was just a knife and therefore not a big deal and therefore not that important to remember.
After that, she put away the knife and we continued to have an okay night, but I was on edge and jumpy whenever she touched me.
Yesterday she called me into the kitchen. Only she was playing five-finger fillet… and I startled her and she “messed up”. Badly. I lost my cool. Screamed my head off, tried shouting what I knew about first aid at her while I raced to grab my phone, complete panic, dialing 911, only for her to start laughing and show me that it was a “prank” involving red food dye and a carrot.
She had a nice laugh about how I would have known it was a joke if I wasn’t so squeamish about knives, that it’s proof I need to get more comfortable, that anyone with passing knowledge knows that it doesn’t look like that when something like that happens. She kept explaining how she did it, how she practiced, how she could show me, but I didn’t even answer her, it was like my head was underwater and my heart was beating out of my chest. Just moved on autopilot and grabbed my keys and drove a few blocks away before pulling over to breathe.
Nicole tried to call me and the first thing I said was “it wasn’t funny at all”, and she asked “are you crying?” Then I hung up on her.
She kept texting me, saying she was sorry, that she didn’t think I’d react so badly to a joke, that it was just meant to be good fun in the Halloween spirit.
I ignored her. I texted her after that I was home but ignored everything else. This morning she sent the picture of the props to the group chat with a few of our mutual friends, and they chimed in saying “It doesn’t even look real”. I’ve muted the chat since and I’m wondering if I have a leg to stand on before I go back and apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nicole is NOT a nice person. She repeatedly ignores your boundaries and this was not a prank – it was a deliberately cruel action to make you think she was hurt. She needs therapy, to give a sincere apology and do better with your boundaries, or I would end the relationship with someone who was so cruel and selfish.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nicole is cruel. And she continues her cruelty because she enjoys exploiting your fears. I would make Nicole an ex.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Knife phobias are no joke. She’s not “forgetting” your aversion – she’s being abusive. First bite? I think she might have a b***d and blade fixation.
Fidgeting with knives all the time? I knew a couple of guys like that in the 90s and they were pretentious insufferable tools who thought they were “tough” guys. God this gal is traumatic. That’s hit some pretty deep anger on your behalf. It makes me want to yell at her. And her bad friends.
I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. Do not apologize. Get out. She doesn’t respect you.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Refusing To Use Anything My Sister Paid For After She Called Me A Parasite?
“OK, so I have recently been fired from my job due to having to take a week off because I fell ill (yeah, my company sucks) and haven’t been able to find a job yet.
I’ve been staying with my mom but this is normal here, as this is sorta how our culture goes, you don’t really move out until you get married. The problem is that I used to help financially and now I can’t, which is making me feel really bad about myself as is.
My mom kept assuring me that it’s fine, and that I shouldn’t let it bother me but my older sister keeps giving me judgemental looks and snide remarks every day.
The issue blew up today over a really stupid matter, I was brushing my hair when my mom asked me to make her coffee, I put the brush down and immediately went to make mom coffee.
My sister walks in, sees that the brush has hair on it, and blows up yelling about how disgusting I was for not removing my hair from it. I was about to tell her that I’d take it out in a second when she goes “you’re already a parasite that lives off of our money, and now this too?” I literally froze for a second, I could honestly feel my chest getting tight, I couldn’t understand what she said after even tho I could see her lips moving.
When I could breathe again I quietly turned around and took the brush from her hand and cleaned it, finished the coffee, and walked out so I could cry without anyone seeing me.
I didn’t speak to her, but when I went back to my room and took out everything that I knew was from her money and put it on her bed and refused to let her return no matter how angry she got.
I also have been refusing to eat or touch anything she brings home, and I even talked to a friend about moving in with her permanently.
My sister kept saying it was just a joke and that I’m just being my usual stupid self, but I know her very well. When she gets angry she tends to say exactly what she thinks of a person, and I don’t want to depend on someone who would resent me for that.
When I start working again, I plan to pay her back every penny she ever spent on me. My mom told me I’m being too prideful and mean and that if I keep this up, it’ll break apart our bond, but honestly I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She called you a parasite, you removed any way for her to prove it true. She’s mad because she doesn’t have a leg to stand on and you proved her wrong. And then she, instead of apologizing, called you stupid? Oh no, OP. Do not stand for that treatment. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
That’s a really hard thing to do when you’re already down.” Penny_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – saying it’s a joke isn’t even close to an apology for a low blow like that. After losing your job to bad conditions recently, your sister wasted no time to make you feel like a burden.
Keep with your current plan until she offers a genuine apology. If that never happens, remember this if she ever comes to you for help.” Beautiful_Ad_5074
Another User Comments:
“Your sister does know full well that your situation is because you were fired after getting sick, right? And she is aware that you’re looking for a new job, right?
It’s not like you want to leech off of others; you’re just in a bad spot right now. So her calling you a “parasite” is utterly cruel. And she said this for not cleaning a hairbrush? If anything has broken apart the bond between you and your sister, it’s your sister for how she’s treating you.
It’s not a joke to give someone mean looks and make snide comments. It’s not a joke to call someone a parasite because they didn’t clean the hairbrush. What she said isn’t a joke. And then she doubled down on her nastiness by saying you were being your “usual stupid self” for taking her insults seriously?
I hope you do get a job soon, move out, and go NC with your sister. Again, it’s your nasty sister who has broken the bond, not you. NTJ.” DaniCapsFan
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Family To My Son's Wedding After They Bullied My Daughter?
“My son David is getting married early next year. For the wedding we invited everyone in the family except my brother’s family, and I’ve had my parents and sister calling me constantly demanding I change my mind.
My daughter Martha is 20. Her ambition since she was little was to become a firefighter. Unfortunately, in 2019 she was diagnosed with epilepsy, and while it isn’t impossible to do that job with the condition, it’s much more difficult, so her dream is essentially over.
Martha was devastated. She got a job as a waitress while she figures out what she’d do instead.
She dislikes the job but it’s an income.
Not long after she got the waitress job, we went for lunch with my parents. My brother’s family was there, including his daughter Leah. She’s two years older than Martha, and is a medical student, studying at our country’s top university.
Leah was trying to annoy Martha.
She kept calling her “waitress” and demanding she bring her food. Martha told her to stop, but Leah said she was a doctor and fetching food was the only thing “little people” like Martha were useful for. Martha was on the verge of tears. She picked up a container and threw curry sauce at Leah, which ruined the dress she was wearing.
Leah ran sobbing to her dad, who called Martha a “bully”, despite Leah having a long history of picking on Martha. My parents and sister sided with them too, because apparently getting a pretty dress ruined is worse than having your dream crushed.
We left immediately after, and I’ve had no contact at all with my brother for the past two years.
When we invited everyone to my son’s wedding, my parents were angry that we left my brother and his family out. For what it’s worth, David fully supports not inviting them.
I’ve said that I will consider inviting them only if Leah apologizes for how she behaved towards Martha. My parents have accused me of “dragging out a petty grudge”.
I’m sorry but what Leah said and did was unforgivable. She tried to torment my daughter during the worst time of her life when she was grieving her dream and felt completely vulnerable. And she’s been doing that sort of thing for years.
It’s David’s special day, and I want all of us to enjoy it.
That means keeping Leah away from Martha.
Are we doing the right thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s worrying that this person with no empathy will become a doctor and interact with vulnerable people who are going through the worst times of their lives. I pray for all those patients that come in contact with her.
I hope they survive their encounter.” Front_Thought_9988
Another User Comments:
“Oh man … first my jaw dropped after reading what Leah said to Martha, and then I busted out laughing at what Martha threw at Leah. Great aim, Martha! NTJ simply due to the fact that David can invite anyone he wants to his wedding for any reason.
No one has to like it. Thanks for standing up for your daughter. Emotional abuse is never “petty.”” ohyoushiksagoddess
Another User Comments:
“First things first – I too have epilepsy. I was diagnosed when I was 17 and couldn’t go on to the career I wanted to have either. I took a little time off, got a retail job, and went to community college because I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life now.
You have a goal and a focus and suddenly that’s gone. It was so weird. It took 2 years to figure out what I wanted to do, got a degree in that and have been thriving. Martha will also. We epileptics are tough and amazing people. Hugs to her. Now on to the topic, NTJ. That cousin is HORRIBLE and I wouldn’t let them anywhere near my precious daughter.
Tell the rest of your family who is complaining to stay in their lane and mind their business.” Thia-M3762
18. AITJ For Buying A House Without Telling My Family?
“I (35f) decided to buy a house on my own, in an area near my work but far from my family.
My mother is really against the idea of us (me and my 2 brothers) buying our own home as she’s renovating their house so that each of us will have our own room because it was really small before when we were growing up.
It really is small in a lot of areas so they decided to add 2 floors up.
My mom also has a share in a rental apartment in the City where my younger is currently staying. The thing is, I don’t like paying rent anymore when I can afford low-cost housing. I’m single and not planning on marrying at all since I’m bi and although I have a partner, same-sex marriage is not an option in our country.
I’m in a country where it is expected of us to live with our parents until we have a family of our own. And even if we have a family of our own, it is normal still to live with our parents.
I am introverted and due to my history with my father, I really can’t live with them.
My mother is also nosy and doesn’t really understand privacy when I’m living in their house. She likes sleeping next to me and hugging me although she knows I don’t like being touched.
If I bought a house, although is quite a distance from my work, I would be paying a lower amount for the mortgage than renting a studio apartment.
I don’t like having roommates as I’m a very light sleeper and due to my job working in a call center, I always sleep in the daytime.
I only told my partner and some friends about my plans to buy a house, but they all asked the same thing “have you told your mother?” Whenever I say, I don’t have to tell her, they say I’m a jerk for not doing so as my mom has the right to know.
I already put on a reservation and just completing my documents before making a downpayment. If I ever did plan on telling my family about the house, it is after I moved in. My dream is to have my own place where no one can dictate what I should or shouldn’t do.
My partner and best friend are the ones who are really against not telling my family.
They always give me this disapproving reaction and I’m beginning to think I am but too prideful to really do something about it. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh god no. I know different countries have different cultures but IMO independence is important. You have no privacy at home why wouldn’t you want to leave?
Up to you if you don’t want to tell them until it’s too late to back out but you will need to tell them. NTJ.” mummywithatummy21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 35 years old and have every right to buy your own home. You do not have to tell her squat. Frankly, you should get ahold of all your important documents and hide them in a secure place away from your parents’ home.
I would not tell your parents until you are ready to pull the trigger on the move. If you can, after you buy the house try to discreetly take any of value to your new home. The more stuff you can move to your new home the easier it might be to move. Once you tell your mother it may get chaotic.
Line up some trusted friends who will be prepared to help you.” Avebury1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ big cultural difference here, in America I’d just tell them the truth and tell them to screw off. But seems like the solution for you would be to just tell everyone you’re renting it but actually you own it.
They don’t have access to your bank account to know the difference.” NefariousnessGlum424
17. AITJ For Being Upset About A Mean Group Chat Name?
“So for a bit of context, I (25M) have a very dear friend of mine that lives in another city, “Kate” (21F), we tend to play games online and watch movies/series together every now and then, and sometimes her sister, “Anna” (23F) and her partner join us or we will all hang out together and play games together or just hang out online.
Now, my relationship with Anna has always been a bit weird, we have a lot of things in common but she can be extremely rude to me at times, say extremely hurtful things when she’s angry at me, and can get on my nerves, and I get on her nerves at times too, but in general, we’re pretty cool with each other.
Now we have a little group chat where me, Kate, Anna, her partner, and another friend chat and share pictures, group call, etc. but sometimes Kate, Anna, and her partner make their own groups so as to not bother the rest with notifications when they’re doing something together that doesn’t involve others outside, which is fine, it’s not like they’re doing it out of disliking me, it’s just so they don’t spam our main group chat.
Well, the other day Kate and I were talking and she posted a screenshot of her monitor because she wanted to show me something, and the group chats could be seen on the window behind, and I noticed there was a group chat named “Screw (My name) club” and I know that it’s a name Anna came up with because she’s the only one who types like that unironically.
I got annoyed at the fact that when I pointed out “That’s a nice group you got there” to Kate, she tried to dismiss it as not being a big deal and even offered to show me that there was no bad talking or anything against me in there, which I said it was fine and she still told me about it.
The thing that annoyed me is that even when telling her how annoying it was for her sister to always get away with pulling that kind of thing and her not really caring about it, and it being hurtful to me and I was visibly upset by this (I am generally upbeat and energetic but after I pointed out this I was down and more gloomy-sounding), Kate ended up snapping at me after she tried to focus on a different topic yelling at me to “drop the attitude” to which I also snapped telling her I had the right to be mad at a group blatantly named as if it was meant to be an “escape” from me as if I wasn’t wanted around.
AITJ? I feel that even though it isn’t such a deep thing, and even if they didn’t say bad things about me in that chat, the name of the chat was still ill-willed and of poor taste, and even if I may have overreacted and shouldn’t have shown so much annoyance at it, me being irritated by it was valid as in my head it still feels like it was made with ill will behind it.
I wanted to see what you guys thought not as a means to validate how I feel but as an outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take the other friend and drop those people. Anna sounds mean and Kate isn’t really your friend, if she doesn’t care about your feelings and that they got hurt.
Of course she will always choose her sister so you have to choose yourself! And if she doesn’t get that it’s messed up to hurt somebody else’s feelings and snap at them and turn this around, she’s the same jerk as her sister.” Blubdiblubdiblub31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just out of curiosity, any chance you’re interested in Kate as more than a friend?
Because the way you accept this and defend Kate’s involvement in these things feels a bit like that’s the case. Take off the rose-coloured glasses, take a step back, and find actual friends rather than wasting your time with these people.” -Maraud3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a bigger person than I am. I would block all of them after telling them to go away.
16. AITJ For Wanting To Sell The House I Co-Own With My Sister Who Moved Out?
“A few years back, my sister and I went halves in a small house for her to live in, as she was having housing troubles (facing potential homelessness) and needed help. We used funds from an inheritance. I didn’t really want to buy a house with her, but she couldn’t get a mortgage on her own and I knew her share of the inheritance would be wasted if she just had it sitting in her bank account, so it seemed like the best thing to do (and was also honoring the relative whose funds we inherited, since he wanted to help my sister out too).
We found a house we could afford, saw a lawyer, and got a contract drawn up. She seemed happy with the contract, signed it no problem, etc. All went fine. She moved in and lived there relatively happily for nearly two years. Then she met a man in another town, many hours drive away, and decided to move in with him.
She didn’t tell me she was moving…just upped and left. This was nearly two years ago, and the house has been largely empty since then, other than a few random friends of hers whom she’s had to house-sit occasionally.
I feel like I’ve been quite patient and reasonable in giving her time to see if this new relationship will work (which it seems to be – they’ve bought a house to live in together, etc.) I would like to sell the house she no longer seems to want to live in, and an opt-out clause in our property sharing contract allows me to give her notice of my intention to sell, to give her the chance to buy me out of my share.
(House prices in this area have nearly doubled since we purchased the house). She wants to keep the house as a rental, but I don’t. Neither of us lives within a 5-hour drive of where the house is, and I have no interest in being a landlord, plus I have a large mortgage of my own that I would like to be able to pay off partially.
I’ve expressed to her, on a number of occasions, that it’s my wish to exit the agreement, but she thinks I’m being selfish, ‘forcing’ her to sell ‘her’ house. If she needed it to live in, I wouldn’t be considering selling my share, but since she doesn’t, I would rather have my money back. She’s now even saying that the contract (that she read, agreed to, signed, etc.) wasn’t fair….I’ve had enough.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried to do this nicely but she won’t accept it – time to get a lawyer and get it done. She has no need for the house and I’m sure leaving it sitting vacant isn’t doing it any favours.” Invisibleamber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go and see your lawyer and if need be force the sale, she can either buy you out or she can sell but you need your funds back.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at this point your sister should be showing gratitude that you essentially lent her your inheritance for 5 years. She’s got one heck of a nerve! It is not “her house”, it’s “our house” and that’s why there is an exit clause. She is being very selfish and not considering your motivations which are perfectly valid.
The reasons for you purchasing this house with her are no longer in existence. She is changing your agreement in line with what she wants. That’s not how it works. You have a mortgage to pay yourself. Send her an email saying you don’t want to own YOUR second house anymore and want to be bought out or sell it.
She has three options – buy it from you at a fair market price, be part of the selling process, or you are forced to do it legally. Give her the formal written notice required if she ignores you or responds unreasonably. This was a very kind thing you did for her. I’m sorry she’s being such a brat now.” throwawayj38sld
15. AITJ For Rejecting My Family's Revised Birthday Plans That Excluded My Stepdaughters?
“I (27F) will be having a birthday later this month, close to Halloween. My stepdaughter (12F) will be having her 13th birthday as well a few days after mine.
My elder brother (I’ll call him Brother N) and his wife called me a few weeks ago and offered to throw me and my daughter a joint birthday/Halloween party at their house.
However, we agreed to hold the party on Saturday, October 30th because my stepdaughters will be back with their biological mom on the evening of Halloween.
My daughter and I got very excited for the party.
Then today, Brother N texted me that plans changed so our birthday party was just going to be a brunch instead.
It turns out my eldest brother (Brother E) wanted the family to go to a very out-of-the-way Halloween carnival instead and have a family party the night of Sunday, October 31st.
I called my parents to ask why the sudden change and that I didn’t really want the brunch. They got very defensive and basically scolded me for not going along with the family plans.
Yet they didn’t ask my opinion before making these plans. I felt very hurt that my and my daughter’s birthday party would be less important than a carnival trip. My parents then said to me that Brother E was throwing a Halloween party on Sunday anyway so why couldn’t we just go to that party?
I was very upset by this so I rudely responded, “in case you forgot, this was not only my party. I have stepdaughters, one who is also celebrating a birthday and they happen to not be with us on Sunday nights!” My parents claimed that they didn’t know but this had been the same for 3+ years.
I talked to my husband and we agreed to just do something together with our kids.
I then called Brother N and told him that I appreciated the thought but to not worry about doing anything. He got upset and also seemed to just want me to go along with these plans that they made without my input.
I told him that I didn’t even want to go to a carnival. That the point was that I felt they didn’t include me in making my own birthday plans. He got upset and hung up.
My daughter and I don’t like large crowds so we were very happy with the idea of celebrating with just immediate family and having it be a nice Halloween dinner party.
We’re both huge Halloween fans.
AITJ for not just going along with the plans?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You are doing the right thing to make your own plans. I don’t understand how the family ended up going from decisive to indecisive so quickly. Time to back up and regroup.” Th3Confessor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good on you for sticking up for your stepdaughters. This was the low drama way of dealing with the situation IMO. Your brothers caused the drama by changing up the plans without consulting you. Coordinating plans for an extended family – 4 groups, and 5 if you include stepkids with the other parent’s family – is a toughie.
It kinda feels like they have disregarded your stepkids before and expected you to go along with it.” FierceCrayon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your family sure likes to take things and people for granted by not including you in the decision-making on this one. What kind of response did they expect FFS? Everybody in your family getting defensive and angry about you questioning and especially over you declining is just strange to me.
Makes me wonder if they were purposefully trying to exclude your stepdaughter on this.” Remdog58
14. AITJ For Making My Partner Skip Gym For A Day We Could Spend Together?
“I (29f) have been with my partner (32m) for close to two years. We very recently moved in together.
He’s a “gym bro” and has been long since before we met. I like this about him; his dedication to being physically fit and the way he looks as a result, but I’ve felt from the start of our relationship that he sometimes places a higher premium on his gym time than his time with me, and this has led to some disagreements between us.
We’ve gone back and forth about it and we’ve ended up compromising on his going to the gym Monday through Friday and keeping the weekends open for just the two of us.
I work a normal Monday-Friday 9 to 5 job schedule. He works 12-hour shifts and works a schedule in which one week he works M-Tu, is off W-Thu, and works F-Su.
And then the next week it’s the opposite; he’s off M-T, works W-Th, and off F-Su.
Last week was his longer week when he was off just Wednesday and Thursday. I decided that I wanted to spend a day with him and so I took off that Wednesday. I planned a day in which we would get up early, go pick apples, go to a local brewery for lunch, go home and take a nap, and then go out to dinner.
I just wanted a more relaxing weekday with him rather than a crowded weekend. I planned this on Monday at work and put in for the PTO time and was granted it.
However, when I told my partner about it he said “OK, sounds good, but I need to go to the gym first on Wednesday.
I’m on a program and I really want to stick with it. Afterward, we can do what you want; it sounds fun.”
Well, if he were to go to the gym it would have taken a good three hours which meant that our day together wouldn’t have even started until noon which would have thrown all of my plans off.
We argued about it until he relented and agreed to give up the gym just for that day. However, since then he’s been a little sulky. Last night we finally kind of had a blowout about it where he told me that he resents me for pressuring him to skip something that I know is important to him, and that there was really no reason why I couldn’t have waited a few hours for him on that day, and that I’m too controlling.
I told him that we only get to spend every other weekend together, that I’d burned a hard-earned PTO day just for him, and that it didn’t kill him to skip the gym just one day out of the entire year for me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You planned a whole day involving him and his day off, and you even got PTO for it, but you didn’t tell him about any of this until the day of?
Your lack of communication is a problem in itself, not to mention you thinking you can do whatever you want with HIS free time when you were meant to be at work. He’s probably upset because he did have loose plans on how to use his day off, and you steamrolled him and tried to guilt trip him because you took a PTO when literally no one asked you to do any of that.
Like no one asked, and you didn’t even give him a heads up on the plans, so any hurt feelings about his lack of enthusiasm is squarely on YOU. Don’t go out with a gym bro if you have a problem with them spending daily time in the gym. He’s already cut out the weekends for you, and now you’re not letting him go on weekdays during HIS free time.
And you’re being sulky too, to the point I doubt you’re 29. Work on your communication, because no one likes being with someone who makes day-long plans without communicating them, or has any regard for the other person’s plans, and then has the childish audacity to whine about how they took time off to make the plans happen.
This dude thought he had a day alone and wanted to hit the gym. It sounds far more like you’re pulling a power play than an “I miss you.”” Summoning-Freaks
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Before taking the day off, did you tell your partner this or did you just assume he’d spend his entire day off with you?
Let him go to the gym for goodness sake. I get that your schedules don’t line up all the time but when you make plans, communicate them. Don’t assume.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Keeping My Ex's Paintings Of My Pets Despite My Current Partner's Discomfort?
“I (29M) have been seeing “Willow” (29F) for just under 2 years.
In my early twenties, I previously had a relationship with a woman called “Fiona” who was a fantastic painter.
She was especially good at painting dogs and cats and other animals.
When we were together, Fiona painted a wonderful portrait of my dog and also a portrait of my 2 cats. My dog has since passed away (he died of cancer 3 years ago) and my 2 cats are now elderly (both 16) and probably won’t live much longer.
As you can imagine I deeply cherish these paintings.
Even though Fiona and I broke up ages ago, I kept the lovely paintings she made of my pets and I have them framed and displayed in my apartment. I absolutely love them and when I look at them I think of my beloved pets (not my ex).
However, the paintings make Willow kind of uncomfortable, simply due to the fact that they were painted by my ex.
Willow is also a beginner digital artist, and in the past she’s made digital artwork of my pets for me which I do love as well, but it doesn’t mean I want to get rid of the paintings my ex did and replace them with the digital ones.
Willow takes this as a sign I prefer my ex’s art style and that I must subconsciously still prefer my ex (not true at all).
Well we had another argument about it last night and Willow wants to try to do a painting of my deceased dog and two cats to replace my ex’s portraits.
She even said she would try to copy Fiona’s paintings exactly, so I wouldn’t need the original anymore and I could throw them out.
I told her I would never replace the paintings because they hold sentimental value (for my pets, not my ex). She got really upset and again accused me of preferring my ex Fiona.
She also accused me of thinking Fiona is a better artist than her, which I don’t believe I do (they have different styles and both styles are cool in their own way).
So am I the jerk for not getting rid of these paintings? It’s been an ongoing issue and I’m wondering whether there’s something I’m missing or not understanding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Men do not need to throw away their entire past just because they get a new partner. FFS. This is absolutely ridiculous. You cannot be expected to toss every artifact associated with women from your past. You would basically have to trash a large quantity of your belongings after every single relationship.
And what about this girl? Does she have anything in her possession that has ever come into contact with a previous partner? Has her dad ever bought her a gift that he still has? Does she have any male friends? Where is the line drawn?” Ex_Rev_Mathew_Mara
Another User Comments:
“I get it.
I’ve been the jealous partner in the past. It’s a miserable experience, rooted in insecurity and expressed as aggression. But no matter how much I sympathize with her, I still have to come down on NTJ. There are some keepsakes I’d object to but never paintings of beloved pets. Your partner would benefit from a few sessions of counseling (or more…) to get a handle on her emotions.” mypreciousssssssss
12. AITJ For Not Leaving My Family Business To My Younger Son?
“I’m pretty sure I’ve done nothing wrong.
My two kids are radically different, they have always been interested in different things. A has always been very interested in the family business but B doesn’t like the fact that we are relatively well off, he is somewhat ashamed of it. We are in the restaurant business and me and my husband built it from the ground up, so we know the value of hard work and the kids know it too.
Like I said, A has a ton of gumption and he’s been an equal member for the last couple of years. We are regularly in contact with his family and I‘m mostly retired so I can spend time with my granddaughters. It’s nice to know there will be someone to inherit your life’s work, and I’m sure one of his girls will carry it on.
Other assets will be split 50/50 between the two kids but they’re minor.
B is younger and he was never interested in the family business, to the point of barely keeping in contact after going to college. After he got married I saw him maybe ten times, and his child thrice at most. Last month they showed up for Thanksgiving (husband is Canadian) and we were talking about how I am retired due to some health issues, and about how to navigate the inheritance tax, etc. Then B’s wife got to know we weren’t planning on leaving any fraction of the company to B, or to any of our three grandkids.
She was acting all fussy about this, but both children know you have to earn things, they won’t be given to you. B and his wife are both social workers, and A is a business major with an MBA, and considering he started working when he was just in high school, he has two decades of experience over B.
B‘s wife had some other issues with me, saying I was showing favoritism to A’s kids. But of course I can bond with them more, A and A’s ex-wife (amicably divorced) live near by and B’s family lives in Baltimore. If I spend more on them it’s because they go out with me more often in a week than I was allowed to see B’s kid since he was born.
She has been haggling me about this ever since October, saying B is now interested in a career change. My husband told her last week it would be unwise because he would have to move here, and start at the bottom which doesn’t pay well enough for someone his age. B has never bothered to call me about any of this.
Yesterday his wife said they’re not coming to November Thanksgiving this year if I don’t treat my kids equally. I say I don’t care, because never in the last decade has she ever allowed B to spend holidays with his family but she still wants the money? So she doesn’t have to come if it’s just for the cash.”
Another User Comments:
“OP: both children know you have to earn things, they won’t be given to you. Also OP: Who shall I give all my stuff to? Hilarious cognitive dissonance aside, it’s your money and you should do as you like. Although considering your reduced contact with B, I wonder if you really know them well enough to speak for them and tell us that B is ashamed of the money.
I think INFO is needed here, because there’s some amount of favoritism at least.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He made no effort to get in contact or put in the work to the family business. The fact that they thought about your retirement and (I assume) older age as an opportunity to get in on some money in the will is disrespectful at best and I’m sorry you have to go through this.” Galaranix
Another User Comments:
“B has gone LC for over a decade and doesn’t let OP see her grandchildren. The only time he contacts her is when he needs money and even then it’s not him that speaks to OP, but his wife. B has shown no interest and invested nothing in the company, he is not entitled to even 1%.
It wouldn’t be fair to A to give his brother 50% when A was the one who worked hard for his position. B just wants money without any effort. Seems pretty obvious to me that all the YTJs think being someone’s child makes you entitled to everything your parents own. Even if it’s not ideal, they can do whatever they want with their assets.
Even if they decide to give it all to A, it’s their money/property. The fact is B did nothing for the company or the family and should be happy he is getting anything at all. NTJ. Even if there is favoritism, the fact is B does not deserve to get a part of the company.
It changes nothing. And if he wants nothing to do with his family, he should stick to that (it’s perfectly fine), but he can’t change that when it’s convenient for him.” Reddit User
11. AITJ For Not Taking My Kids To Spain To See Their Absent Mother During Our Family Vacation?
“So my (41M) ex (42F) and I have been divorced for ten years now, we had two kids together (now 12F and 16M) and we are both remarried. I have two more kids (6F and 7F) with my current wife (36F).
When my ex married her now-husband she decided to leave the country and settle down in Spain due to job opportunities for both her and her husband (about six years ago now). Due to this, I got primary custody of our kids and while she has flown back a few times over the years to see them she is fairly absent in their lives and hasn’t seen them in person since late 2018.
(she has called/video-called them in this time, but hasn’t physically come to see them since then.)
Last year both my late grandparents died, me and my older sister got an inheritance since our grandparent’s only child (our dad) had already passed. It was a substantial amount and we are very grateful for it because until that point me and my wife had been struggling with four kids and work issues.
Since then we sold our old house (was not big enough, tiny rooms and the kids shared rooms) and bought a larger one, I paid off my debt, my wife bought a car (I was the only one that had a car before this). On top of that, we have put money away for all our kids’ education and stuff, put some aside for Christmas, and had enough left over for a family vacation for the end of the school year.
Again for us, it was life-changing.
We had decided since none of our kids had ever been out of the country we wanted to include them in the vacation planning, like picking a destination and such. Well after some deliberation we decided on Italy. We would be moving around Italy to different locations but it had a bit of everything.
Well, my eldest daughter’s birthday came around and she got a call from her mom. Well during this convo she mentioned that we were going as a family to Italy next year. At the end of the phone call, she asked my daughter to give me the phone. She was really angry and upset that I wasn’t bringing the kids to Spain so she could see them.
She was also upset that she didn’t get any say in where her kids would be spending a large chunk of their time. She also didn’t like that we would be taking the kids to a ski slope since she thinks snow sports are really dangerous, but that is a must-have for us since my son snowboards and my middle daughter wants to learn to ski.
I told her that this was my money and she wasn’t contributing so she didn’t get a say. She started crying and saying I was punishing her for not being able to treat the kids like me and my wife could. She then was mad again that I didn’t suggest or push for Spain.
I feel like I maybe am the jerk for not even suggesting Spain, but my kids know that their mom lives there and they never brought it up in the list of places they wanted to go, so I’m not sure, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She hasn’t cared enough to come see the kids herself since 2018?
Your kids picked Italy, not Spain, so I don’t think they are caring much about seeing her, either. Why is she griping? She could at least request to come to Italy since it’s not as bad as coming overseas and getting to see them for a little while. Tell her that if she wants to see the kids, it’s on HER to make the effort because SHE is the one who moved away!
She can pay to fly them to see her if it’s that freaking critical to her.” Alarmed-Hamster-4047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She upped and moved to another country and left her kids behind when they were 6 and 10. Just because you’re now in a financial position where you can travel does not mean that her location now becomes a priority.
You’re not punishing her. You’re living your life with your wife and kids. The kids were involved in the planning and are excited to go.” walnutwithteeth
10. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive And See My Sick Mom Who Threw Me Out For Being Gay?
“I’m a gay man, my mother discovered my orientation when I was 16 and she threw me out. Full on homophobic meltdown and saying she doesn’t have a son anymore.
I lived on the streets for 2 years then in squalor but with a home for a while longer. My sister (Emma), who was a little kid at the time, grew up normally, not really knowing what happened to me until we both reconnected as adults, and we now have a good relationship, although she still thinks highly of our mother, because Emma is “normal” and our mother emptied her venom into me.
Through Emma, I heard that mom supposedly “repented” from how she treated me, she allegedly mellowed out a lot in old age and she had a stint as a volunteer in an LGBTQ shelter. Emma swears that our mother wants to apologize to me, and Emma has always loudly advocated for me to rebuild a bridge with her.
I always refused. I have not seen or talked to our mother in nearly 20 years, since the incident.
Our mother is dying of disease, just got some months left. She is elderly and supposedly going senile – but I believe that Emma is willingly painting an over-the-top sad/pathetic picture of our mother so I would pity her and reconnect.
Emma says that our mother’s only and dearest wish is to see me before her time comes, I refused every time but Emma has been getting extremely insistent.
I finally told Emma that she has NO IDEA what that woman put me through, that Emma only saw the rosy side of our mother and that if I see that woman again, it would be to throw at her face 20 years of sheer hatred, not forgive her.
That was earlier today and Emma seems to have gotten the hint. She backed off, but now I feel like somehow I am the monster in this situation. It’s very distressing. So, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s reward for repenting and becoming a better person is being a better person. You don’t have to volunteer to show up to pin the “Most Improved – Humanity Category” award on her before she kicks off.
Emma (and even you, depending on how you feel about it all) can be grateful that your mother changed and stopped actively inflicting grievous harm on LGBTQ+ people without needing to do anything else about it. People die with regrets all the time, but whether those regrets are spoken aloud or apologized for doesn’t change the fact that the actions happened and the harm was done.
Whether you show up or not, if your mother’s change has been genuine, she will die with the regret of what she did to you. There’s nothing here that you can do to change that.” intuitive_elephant
Another User Comments:
“You are not the monster here. An abuse victim never owes their abuser forgiveness. Good for her that she’s done repentance work for her, I guess.
But that doesn’t make right what she did to you. And besides, that work she did? That’s about general homophobia. It’s not about making you, specifically, you, her child, homeless. She didn’t seek to make it right with you, she only sought to reconnect. Nothing she’s done even attempted to make it good with you.
I’m bi. No straight person has any business pushing one of us to forgive the homophobic people who harmed us. And your mother hasn’t done the work in the first place. You are NTJ. Wishing you good things.” cripslocking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She burned the bridge, you do not have to send a boat.
Your sister probably means well but she hasn’t experienced your mom the way you have. My sister is the same way with our dad. If you don’t have any regrets, then that’s all that matters.” QuintessentialTarte
9. AITJ For Getting A Man Fired After He Told My Daughter To Shut Up?
“I’m the 1/3 owner of a company with 2 friends from college, Mike and Eric.
I manage the Technology side of things, so I’m not the “face” of the company, so I rarely go into the office.
I have a 4-year-old daughter whose father is Mike. (We have never been in a relationship and chose to co-parent our daughter)
Mike got into a car accident and required surgery. Eric was out of town.
My nanny is on holiday break, so it’s me taking care of my daughter and trying to run a company.
There’s a project that Mike’s working on in the office, and I have to grab it and a portable server.
My daughter is already upset because she knows her dad is hurt.
Getting her loaded into the car to go into the office was messy. She refused to wear matching boots and is in an elf outfit.
At this point, I’m like, whatever, let’s go. The whole time in the car, she’s crying and upset. I get her to calm down because I told her we would grab some things from work.
I meet our VP of operations, Adam, and everything is fine. Until my daughter realizes she left her dinosaur in the car.
She will not be appeased. We are in Adam’s office trying to get everything together to take to my home office.
My kiddo will not stop crying because Sara (the dinosaur) is in the car alone, and Sara might not be able to breathe.
Adam and I are like, “it’s ok, Sara is fine.”
I’m mortified and want to get my kid back in the car and home.
Adam has to run to the IT department to grab a few more things for me.
My daughter is in total toddler meltdown over Sara the Dinosaur.
A man walks by and tells me to “shut my kid up.
This is an office, not a daycare.”
I’ve had it. I told him this wouldn’t be his job if it weren’t for this child’s father or me, and he could be the one to shut up or find a new job.
Adam comes back, and the man starts yelling at Adam about how he’s trying to work, and my kid and I won’t shut up.
He told Adam he needed to get me out of the office.
I’m like this is my office, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.
Adam agrees and says I’m the owner, and there’s nothing he can do. The man walks back to his desk.
Adam tells me he will handle it.
Wishes me good luck with the project and sends my daughter out.
Adam fired the man for insubordination because the situation did not get better after I left and made some sexist remarks about women in business.
I get it wasn’t one of my best days, but I’m trying to run a company and take care of my daughter in a stressful time for her.
The man was rude, and to be honest, no matter who I was, you shouldn’t be telling a child to shut up.”
Another User Comments:
“The guy made his own problems: “…the situation did not get better after I left and made some sexist remarks about women in business.” NTJ. Hope it all works out with your child’s father.” NeverRarelySometimes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His conduct after he found out you were one of the owners is what got him fired. I think Adam realized he was a walking harassment/hostile work environment claim waiting to happen. A normal person would have immediately apologized when they found out you were the boss, if it got that far.
Most people would have come in and asked if there was anything they could do to help you. This guy didn’t do any of it. He continued to dig himself a deeper hole instead.” naranghim
8. AITJ For Telling A Friend To Stop Trauma Dumping At A White Elephant Party?
“So my friends and I decided to do a white elephant. They included some people that I’m not super close to but I have met them and was friendly.
We had the party yesterday. While we were exchanging gifts my friend’s friend (let’s call him S) opened up his gift(s) and it was a Roku stick. He was very happy as I imagine anyone would be. Well, when it came to a friend of mine’s turn she “stole” his gift and he had to choose another.
He was a little upset which I understand except when he opened the next gift it was a $50 Amazon gift card and he proceeded to throw a full-grown adult fit. He started to actually cry and say that it was not fair that she took the gift from him because he didn’t have a lot growing up and was always forced to share with his siblings.
He talked about his parents’ divorce (from what I understand they divorced while he was still in elementary school) and also was telling us how we need to feel bad for him because his ex-partner just recently was unfaithful to him. He told my friend that she needed to return it to him insisting that she has money to buy her own Roku.
The whole party is going back and forth at this point. Some were saying she should return it because he had it hard growing up while others were saying that’s the point of the whole party. Here is where I may be the jerk. I said he needs to quit trauma dumping on everyone and he knew the rules of the game in which his gift could be taken from him.
After the party, I had people tell me I did not need to be so cruel and that I need to understand that not everyone has a “perfect life”. So am I the jerk for telling him to quit trauma dumping and to get over the loss of the Roku?
What’s a white elephant party?
Here is an example. Let’s say there are 30 people. Everyone brings a gift. At the party, everyone draws a number 1-30. Whoever gets 1 gets to pick a present first. Whoever picks 2 gets to either pick another unopened present or can choose to take 1’s present and 1 will have to pick another present. Whoever picks number 3 gets to either pick another unopened present or they can take either 1 or 2’s present and so on and so forth.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was throwing his toys out the pram. Maybe you snapped but sometimes people can’t take being guilt-tripped anymore. Could he not have used the Amazon gift card to buy a Roku stick? In the UK the cheapest was around 30 so about 40 dollars in US. And the thing is he probably would have laughed if it were the other way around.
I’ve had a life where I didn’t get everything I wanted and my parents’ split wasn’t particularly nice but I can’t go around at my big age and whine when I don’t get my way. Sorry about his life but you’re right he needed to “quit trauma dumping on everyone and he knew the rules of the game in which his gift could be taken from him.”” Entire_Junket_761
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend knew the rules when he signed up for this, so he is a jerk, clearly. And you didn’t tell him to “get over it” or anything like that, you just told him to not “trauma dump” (never heard this expression before, but if it’s not a thing I want to make it a thing now) because it was killing the party mood.
It’s not reasonable for him to expect people to bend to his will only because he had a bad childhood, all he can AND SHOULD expect is to be treated as everyone else.” Swiollvfer
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ. Trauma-dumping without consent is not ok on its own. You never know what other people are going through, and how it can trigger them.
The way you said it, not everyone at the party was close with each other, so the mental state (AND financial situation and needs) of everyone was not something that could be assumed. There’s a difference between stating that the situation makes S feel hurt because of his past and that he wishes that the other person would give him the Roku stick back, and continuing to describe his childhood trauma in detail until everyone feels pressured to break the rules for him.
That may sound harsh, but as a people pleaser with my own load of childhood trauma, S continuously pressuring me by giving me detailed accounts of everything bad in his life would have caused me to have a full-on panic attack. The people at the party told you that “not everyone has a perfect life”?
Yeah, no kidding. That’s why you treat everyone with respect and don’t assume that everyone has it better than you. You state how you feel and what you wish for, and that should be sufficient. Everything else can be considered invasive and triggering. And I realize that he might have been too emotional to reflect on the situation in this way, but that’s actually a reason why someone should come up to him and talk to him about what happened and why it wasn’t ok.
Granted, ideally it would have happened between the two of you, and I can’t say how respectful your tone was. But generally, telling him that he shouldn’t do that is fine.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Have Another Child If She Wants To Parent So Badly?
“I (21F) have two older brothers (33,31) one of whom is married. They have two wonderful boys (3,1). For the past few weeks, they have been living in my parents’ house, as their house is undergoing tenting (termites) and foundation repairs.
The house has been super crazy, (I moved in a week ago, home from school), but they’ve all borne it pretty gracefully. The 3yo is having some behavioral issues ATM, but I think my brother and SIL are handling it pretty well.
The problem is my mom. I love her to death, and she loves every one of us, but she is very opinionated about childraising.
Specifically, she doesn’t like the approach Bro and SIL are taking to their parenting. She thinks they are too cautious, esp my SIL (who deals with anxiety and chronic illness). Mom never says things to SIL or Bro’s face, but she complains frequently to my father, me, my other brother, and probably her friends.
It really bothers me. I think they’re doing a great job raising their kids. Even if I didn’t, it isn’t my place, nor is it my mother’s, to decide how they raise their children. I have told my mom (and dad and other brother, who both enable and partake in this behavior) multiple times to quit judging, that Bro and SIL are doing a great job, that they (esp SIL) are entitled to their anxieties, and so on.
She doesn’t listen and has insisted many times that it isn’t a big deal bc she doesn’t say these things to my SIL or Bro. But we all know that they know, and I know it hurts them, esp my SIL.
Anyway, tonight’s dinner. Like I said, we have had a packed house for a while, and with the 3yo’s behavioral issues (nothing crazy, just normal 3yo stuff), tensions have been kind of high.
A lot of factors led up to a kind of great big outburst, right as my nephew was meant to be going to bed. He threw a tantrum, his parents dealt with it, and we moved on to have our dinner.
While we were eating, my mother made a passive-aggressive comment about how they handled the outburst. Everyone else kind of laughed it off, except SIL who looked upset.
Later, my mom said something along the lines of “If one of y’all had acted like that, we would have…” I snapped. I couldn’t believe that she had the audacity to say that it was okay for her to gossip about her children bc she didn’t say it to their face… and then say it to their face.
I told my mom that if she wanted to parent so badly, she should just have another kid.
Everyone was aghast. My mom got really upset and said she was only joking, Dad yelled, both brothers kind of scolded, and even SIL seemed taken aback. My mom left the table and went to her room, Dad went to comfort her, and the rest of us finished dinner in awkward silence.
After we had finished and cleaned up, Dad came back out and told me I needed to apologize. I refused and pointed out that he knew this type of behavior was not new, the way she was acting was totally not okay and completely childish. We all sort of just went to bed early, Dad and Mom are still fuming.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless your brother and SIL are actively asking her for advice, then she needs to butt out of their parenting. When jerks get called out for their poor behavior, this is a typical reaction. She knows that she was being a jerk, she just didn’t expect you to call her out on it in front of the people in question.
Her being upset is a way to try to shift the blame or guilt from her onto you. I don’t think you owe her an apology. If anything, she owes your brother and SIL one for overstepping her bounds.” dmbase
Another User Comments:
“Honestly…. no, NTJ in my opinion it wasn’t her right to give the SIL and brother that kind of grief and pass it off as a joke when someone fired back.
Although it could have been handled better and the comment is a little iffy, I totally understand the outburst, my mother is the same so I definitely get why you had that reaction. I hope everything is okay!” gardnsong
Another User Comments:
“Gotta say NTJ. The timing and delivery weren’t great but since no one had managed to get through to OP’s mother with more measured tactics, this was what it took to point out that her behavior was not appropriate.
An apology for embarrassing her might be nice to keep the peace but OP should not apologize for pointing out that her criticizing the brother and SIL was inappropriate and overstepping boundaries.” DangerousDave303
6. AITJ For Not Going To My Brother's High School Show Due To Past Trauma?
“I (20nb) have a brother (15m) and sister (17f) who is currently in high school. They go to the same HS I went to. When I was there, I was heavily involved in theatre, I did a lot of acting. The teachers knew me very well and liked me a lot and I worked hard in my time there so left a good impression after I’d gone.
My brother this year decided to try it out and he got cast in their show which I am so proud of. However, I don’t know if I can see it.
After I graduated my sister and I went through some pretty traumatic events that were the fault of some friends from high school. Without disclosing too much, it ended up with them spreading a lot of horrible lies about us and bad things came out of it.
We now can no longer frequent certain areas of our hometown for fear of running into them. It’s been two years and it still hits pretty hard.
The issue is, some of these people are in theater with my brother. He doesn’t affiliate with them obviously, but they’re still there. My sister sees them occasionally at school and they have treated her poorly and made her uncomfortable.
I am not sure if I emotionally will be able to handle going to see my brother’s show at the high school, knowing I will see some of those people and run into my teachers. Even though the events had nothing to do with school, any thought of seeing people from that era of my life makes me feel sick, like I’ve tied them to that bad time.
I’ve gone to college and met new people, which is why I say they’re from that “older era of our lives”.
I feel awful. My brother has seen almost every single one of the shows I put on. And our mutual love of theatre brings us together. But the thought of going back to that high school makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I don’t want to disclose too much but I’m not throwing around the words “traumatic event” lightly or using them as buzzwords. We really did go through a horrible time and I never want to see those people again at least not willingly. I think it would cause a lot of harm emotionally and backtrack a lot of the work I’ve done in therapy.
I know my mom would support me in not wanting to go see the show. But I still feel bad like I’m letting my brother down. I think he’d say he’d understand but secretly be disappointed.
WIBTJ if I don’t go see his show?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why not have your mom record it and do a home premiere?
You can buy him flowers and watch it together? Or do a backyard movie night. Or you can throw an amazing after-party for him, invite his theatre friends, and make it a blast.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say no jerks here based on the information provided. But have you talked to him about it and explained how you feel?
He might understand if you just have this conversation with him.” raptir1
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ but not an atrocious one. Feeling discomfort isn’t always the worst thing, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy encourages (safe) exposure as a way to basically reprogram your brain. So not only would it be the right thing for your relationship with your brother for you to support his show, but it would also be better for you and your healing.
Going to this show, being surrounded by old friends and teachers, and focusing on your brother and your shared passions will be an amazing way for you to take power away from the Bad People, and for you to reclaim bits of your hometown. I would also recommend having some breathing techniques down (which I’m sure you do with your theater background!) and something that you’ve designated as a talisman (like a ring or necklace or scarf) that you can physically touch to ground yourself if you feel yourself getting distressed. (this is all predicated on your physical safety never being in question.)” Reddit User
5. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Dying Grandmother Without My Service Dog?
“I (25f) have had various health issues my entire life, the biggest problems being reactive hypoglycemia and seizures. My seizures aren’t medication-controlled, and they get worse when my sugar gets low or I stay stressed.
I have a service dog. She’s able to alert to lows & before a seizure so I can lie down somewhere safe instead of falling on my face.
A few months ago, my aunt told me that my grandma was in late-stage heart failure & she was starting to experience symptoms of dementia. I was heartbroken. My aunt asked if I wanted to visit and I tearfully said yes. I told her I didn’t have money for any travel or board, which is true, I’m below the poverty line, and she offered to pay for the flight and for me to stay at her & my grandmother’s house.
I thanked her. I cried. I was kind of a mess. My service dog saw that I was upset & came over to lay her head in my lap for pats. It isn’t a task, but it always helps me calm down. My aunt paused, then said, “but you have to leave your pet at home”.
I was confused. I told her there was no way I would bring my cat on a plane, he’s like 16. She sighed really hard & said “no, the dog. I don’t want her at my house, she’ll upset the cats”. I argued that my SD is trained, & part of that training is to ignore other animals unless I give her the cue that she can say hi.
Aunt didn’t care. “You’ll have to leave the dog behind or I won’t help you get here.” I was in tears again, trying to explain that I can’t leave my disabilities at home, and that means I can’t leave behind the lifeline that helps me live with them. She told me to make a decision and hung up.
I’ve been denied from public places before. Not every business owner understands or cares about the ADA laws.
Obviously it’s different when the person doing it is related to you.
Aunt kept dangling this opportunity over my head for weeks. I kept begging her to let me come with my SD because it’s unsafe for me to go without the dog.
Aunt goes radio silent. Days pass.
She calls me one morning and tells me that my grandma is hours from death. I’m immediately freaking out again. I beg to come down and aunt, strangely giddy, asks “without the dog, right?”
I told her she was being hateful. I told her that I thought she of all people would understand, and the fact that she doesn’t is tearing me up.
She told me that it’s sad that a dog is more important than family.
A few days pass and she texts me (forwarded, she didn’t even have the decency to copy and paste it) to say that my grandma has passed away and they’ll have a celebration of life at their house later in the month.
She specified that no one is to bring any pets.
She later texted me individually to make sure I’m “leaving that dog at home”. I snapped told her to screw off, that I’d stay home, that at least my “pet” doesn’t treat me like a jerk, that I expected better from family. I hung up on her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your aunt can’t control her cats around a service animal for a few days that’s a her problem, and I’m sorry that got in the way of seeing your grandmother in her last days. Sounds like Aunt doesn’t respect that you have an actual reason to have your dog with you, and doubled down and got petty when you correctly called her out on it.
Do you have other relatives that you could make aware of the situation who you could stay with for the funeral? I’m sorry for your loss OP.” Quelandoris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – holy goodness not at all the jerk. Your aunt is. She obviously doesn’t know/care what a service dog is or cares about your disability.
I am so sorry you went through this. That’s your well-being that she is denying, that dog is your safety. My condolences on losing your grandmother. My heart goes out to you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This situation sucks all around. You need your service dog to alert you of impending health problems and she’s asking you to leave the dog home without considering this could be life-saving for you.
She has cats that are not accustomed to dogs which may cause them extreme stress in their own home. You’re NTJ here… but I can see both sides of the situation.” Saraqael_Rising
4. AITJ For Confronting Strangers Who Assumed I'm A Single Dad?
“My wife works the night shift and I work during the day. Kids are at school mon-fri.
Generally, my wife will work a lot of Friday and Saturday nights so it means me and the kids would go out for the day to give her peace to sleep in the house. (When I say go out for the day it could simply be going to my parents’ house, getting ‘lost’ in a forest park walking the dog, or somewhere on the bikes.)
More and more often I get people saying to me, ‘oh I see it’s your weekend with the kids,’ ‘guess it’s your turn to babysit the kids today,’ and people from an older generation will often say loudly so they can be heard jibes along the lines of ‘kids today, young and stupid.’ To point out, I’m 30.
Not exactly old but not a young pup either.
Recently we were at a play park and after we walked around the grounds of the country house it was at. As we walked past an older couple sitting on a bench they looked at me and said ‘that’s what’s wrong with society today, single parents not respecting the sanctity of marriage and bringing kids up in broken households.
Not fair on the kids and wouldn’t have gotten away with it in our youth.’
This really annoyed me and I stopped and asked them to repeat what they said. After much mumbling and looking at their feet I asked why they automatically assumed I was a single dad and that even if I was why it would mean my kids were in a broken household?
They called me disrespectful for speaking to my elders in such a way but I rebutted with why did they think it was ok to judge me the way they did?
I said my piece and walked on, didn’t get an apology or anything (not that I was expecting one) but when I told my wife she said I should’ve let it be and not rise to it.
So was I being a jerk by calling these people out for their ill-informed judgements about me and my kids or should I have walked on?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may have let it go just as the other times. But better it’s the beginning of a nice conversation every time this happens. It’s not okay to judge people on first look.
And I hate it when people talk loudly about you being present. They just have no right and it’s okay to open their mind a little bit. Although it should be the normal thing and therefore I shouldn’t mention it: you’re doing great by supporting your wife and caring for your kids.” Exotic-Storm-2281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I agree with you. A father never “babysits” his own children, he parents his own children. So rude. My husband is 61, he has lost it at people who told him he was babysitting. So age is no excuse, they were nosy, rude, and ignorant, which equals toxic. Your wife doesn’t get it, because despite all the petty stuff mums deal with, unless your children are an obviously different race to you, (that’s a whole other topic mess) we’ll never get called babysitters.
A single dad, a married dad, hanging out with his kids. Is. A. Good. Thing.” Hob-Nob1974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re just a bunch of old, crotchety, judgmental busybodies. You sound like a good husband and dad. My husband is also a good husband and dad. When we had our first child in the United States everybody carried on like he deserved the Nobel Prize if he changed a diaper.
Meanwhile, if I wanted to finish my dinner while it was still warm, and he offered to help, I got a scolding or minimally some side-eye. It is one of many reasons we now live in Europe in one of the Nordic countries. I don’t know where you’re at but this is a very common problem.
Infantilizing men, acting like being a parent is something extra for them. And punishing women, acting like if they don’t sacrifice everything they are terrible parents. Hopefully, they will have learned to shut up to minimally spare themselves some embarrassment.” Issyswe
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Daughter For Flipping Off My Food?
“My 17-year-old daughter enjoys flipping things off. Yes, that means giving the finger, flipping the bird, presenting the one-fingered salute – whatever name you like to use.
I don’t know why she does it, but everybody else (my wife and my children) thinks it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever seen.
She will walk up to the animals and present her middle finger right between their eyes. If there is a character she doesn’t like in a movie or a TV show, she will flip them off until they leave the screen.
If somebody has a dish she doesn’t like, she will thrust her middle finger onto the plate. Never touching the food, but only barely. It’s the height of bad manners, and I can’t help but feel that I failed as a parent for not teaching her manners correctly.
Just the other day I was making a salad to go with dinner that had olives, and because my daughter HATES olives, she decided to walk right up to my bowl, stick her hand inside, and flip off my food!
Her knuckle was barely an inch from my Iceberg lettuce! Not only is it unsanitary, but it’s disrespectful to the food I put time and effort into preparing for my family.
I calmly asked her to not stick her rude finger into my salad because it was rude, unsanitary, and I didn’t know if she washed her hands or not.
She simply replied, “but you know I hate olives, dad,” in a snotty tone. Enough was enough, I had talked to her in the past and asked her very nicely to not flip anything off anymore, so I forcibly removed her hand from the bowl and yelled at her to get out of the kitchen and go live outside with the dog if she wanted to behave like an animal.
Later, my wife told me that I shouldn’t have blown up at her and that I need to “lighten up”. I asked her if she would like it if our daughter kept flipping off her food, and she shrugged and said “well, I don’t put olives in things she will be eating”. I don’t think I was unreasonable in my actions, but my wife sure thinks I was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay let’s see here, you were making a salad to go “with dinner”, and you were putting olives in said salad which you know she doesn’t like, and then got mad at her for flipping off “your salad”, (she didn’t touch the salad, she simply gave it the finger) oh and you compared your daughter to an animal by yelling at her to go live outside with the dog since she’s “acting like an animal”.
The response your wife gave you is that you need to “lighten up” and honestly I don’t care if this is the unpopular opinion, she’s right and you do need to just lighten up.
Info: what damage is she doing by flipping off inanimate objects or people on the TV? Or are you just mad she isn’t acting up to your standards?
Your daughter has bad humor, so what? She’s not hurting anyone with her humor, using racist or homophobic bigotry as humor, she’s not making you, her mom, or her sibling the butt of the joke so what’s really the problem here? I wanted to say ESH, but I can’t figure out what the daughter or wife have done wrong besides have bad humor, OP himself said his daughter never actually touches other people’s food, if she was actually sticking her hand in his salad and manhandling it, then yeah she’d be a jerk, but she didn’t.
So I’m going with YTJ.” __sadpotato__
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Seriously. I get that she’s 17 but come on. That kind of behavior is just stupid even for a teenager. Also your family shouldn’t be encouraging that behavior. I’d say your reaction was probably too much but it’s hard to know for sure without having been there.” ET318
2. AITJ For Being Upset My Brother Wants To Go Out With My Ex-Wife?
“I’m 31m and my ex-wife is 29f. Hands down the best woman I have ever met in my life. She has such a pure heart and she is filled with nothing but good. It’s been a cold and miserable 2 years without her and Lord knows I miss her so much.
In 2018 my brother was wrongfully convicted and sentenced to 26 years in prison. His wife filed for divorce and terminated his parental rights within the first month. He lost everything. This absolutely destroyed me mentally. He protected me as a child and all the way through our teens while in foster care and I felt like I had to protect him the same way.
I spent thousands on lawyers. Checked myself into therapy. Tried getting on meds for my depression which was severe. I barely spoke. I shut my wife out. I tried so hard to fake being happy and I couldn’t. She knew me well enough too so she knew. And I watched it slowly destroy her. One night I heard her just crying.
Like sobbing, hyperventilating and it really hurt me and I just knew I couldn’t do that to her anymore. I told her she deserved better and walked. She refused to sign divorce papers. Said, “You’re gonna get better and you’re gonna come back to me where you belong.” But we haven’t spoken since March 2021. I saw her at the grocery and it felt like I lost her all over again when she stopped hugging me.
Now by some miracle, all evidence was reviewed 4 months ago and they found my brother innocent of all charges last week. I picked him up 3 days ago from prison. One of the best days of my life. So my mom texts me an address and tells me to bring my brother there. When we arrive to this cabin mom hands my brother the keys and says “Mel built this for you”.
Mel is my wife. Apparently, she started the project a year and a half ago, after our separation. She left a note to me saying “I knew you could do it, Love M”. My brother starts saying he wants to bring her out on a date to thank her and I just lost it a little.
Told him I was not comfortable with that. He argued that I let her go and had no right to be a possessive jerk. Ma says that Mel dropped the keys and the note off the morning I picked up my brother. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Contact your wife and tell her how sorry you are and see if she wants to try again.
It’s awful growing up in Foster Care & that’s probably why you shut her out. You deserve to be happy. You are a good person and you deserve to have good things in your life! See if you can get your marriage back on track!” Southern_Hamster_338
Another User Comments:
“Are you trialing a plot for a Hallmark Movie here, or what?
How about you double down on your therapy and then start having a conversation to work things out with the woman you love, who it seems still loves you, instead of having spats with your brother. You did leave her, dude, so if you’re so broken about that maybe work on resolving it instead of avoiding it?” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. You left her against her wishes. She’s allowed to find happiness elsewhere. Of course you’re allowed to be upset about it, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s single and your brother is, too. Call her, tell her you messed up and you plan on spending the rest of your life making it up to her if she’ll let you.
Then she can decide if she wants anything to do with you or your brother.” attabe123
1. AITJ For Bringing Home Non-Vegan Leftovers From My Parents' House?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years and have shared an apartment for the past 2 years.
She has been a vegan since childhood and has very strong feelings about animal welfare and the environment. I’m more of a flexitarian, but part of the agreement when we got together was that I wouldn’t eat any meat around my partner. I will occasionally eat meat at lunch when I’m out with my coworkers, family, or friends if there aren’t vegan options, but never at home.
I’ve learned to cook fantastic vegan dishes and don’t consider it a major loss. It’s worth noting that our (vegan) groceries are shared and we often cook enough food for leftovers for both of us. I have a regular 9-5 job, but my partner is a nurse and works 3 long shifts each week, so she often gets home late and is very hungry, so I usually cook dinner and leave it in the fridge for her.
So here is the conflict: yesterday evening my parents had me over for dinner. They cooked a shredded chicken pasta dish that was delicious, but they made more than they could eat. Since they were leaving on a trip the following morning, they asked me to take the leftovers in a sealed Tupperware dish. I don’t like wasting food, and I figured I would just take it to work with me for lunch.
When I got home I put the Tupperware in the fridge and went to bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night when I heard my partner’s shout from the kitchen. I jumped out of bed and found her looking shocked by the counter. I noticed the open Tupperware container and realized that she had gotten home late and had started to eat the leftovers from my parents.
She said it tasted like meat and asked if it was. I said yes. She then asked me why there was a meat dish in the fridge when our agreement is that this is a vegan home. I told her that it was from my parents and I didn’t want to waste food and planned to bring it to work.
She asked why I didn’t at least label it to warn her. I apologized but could tell she was upset. She called me an insensitive jerk and said it was the first time she could remember eating meat since childhood. She ended up sleeping on the couch.
I left in the morning before she was awake, but here at work I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for breaking our agreement even though I was just trying to avoid wasting food.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is a one-off situation where you had leftovers from your parents and were planning on taking them to work the next day. Do I think she overreacted? Yes, but if she is that committed to being vegan it’s understandable she was upset especially since she hasn’t eaten meat since childhood.” MB1428
Another User Comments:
“I’ve never in my life seen a Tupperware container in my fridge that I had no clue about, didn’t pack or recognize, and just started to dig in. No asking about it? No thinking it belonged to my SO? People are bringing up labels and stuff, but I think most people wouldn’t be in that situation because they wouldn’t just eat the random food they found in their fridge without seeing if it was okay first. I also think it’s weird that she feels that strongly about no meat in your shared fridge but is okay being in a relationship with you, when you eat meat.
I’m finding it hard to think you are a jerk in any way. You jump through all the hoops for her and it’s the end of the world over one slip up.” fand0me
Another User Comments:
“You were thoughtless, I think that’s pretty clear. She’s upset because she ate meat and it could have and SHOULD have been completely avoidable.
I don’t think an oversight automatically makes you a jerk, but how you address it with her now might – be prepared to eat some (vegan) crow and work hard to acknowledge her feelings. NTJ.” a-base
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