People Confess Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Moments
27. AITJ For Not Buying Back Half The House From My Sister?
“When my parents passed away my sister and I each got half of their stuff.
I already owned my own home so I didn’t want half of their house.
My sister didn’t have a house of her own and she wanted the house.
I told her it was a bad idea because it is a big, old, drafty house far away from everything.
She didn’t listen and said she would buy me out. I agreed and she paid me about 80% of what my half of the house was worth by trading me other stuff from her inheritance.
This wasn’t a bad deal since we didn’t have to pay any commission to anyone.
Now she is having trouble keeping up the property taxes and maintenance. I on the other hand sold off the stuff she traded me to collectors and I kept the investments.
I only kept a few small mementos from my parents that were important to me.
My sister is now asking me to buy back half the house. I don’t want it. I told her she should sell it and get herself a nice, new condo that she wouldn’t owe money on and that would come with a warranty for maintenance.
She won’t do it and now she is telling our family that I tricked her into taking the house instead of the investments. I literally have the receipts of her asking for that deal so I am showing them to everyone who is calling me a jerk.
Right now if she sells the house she will walk away with at least $509,000 after she pays all her bills. That will get you a nice new condo or even a house in the right city.
The investments I kept are worth about $1.2 million. But they could have gone down too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You guys made a deal, and you even tried to warn her of the issues ahead. As she was not yet a homeowner, she probably thought you were exaggerating the costs of home ownership, when really you were giving her facts she should have listened to.
You have the receipts to straighten things out with your other family members. She can sell the house or figure out how to keep it. This is not your problem.” MonarchOfDonuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister seems to initially acted on impulse. Now she’s having a snit and scapegoating you for her own decision.
At no point were you the jerk in this equation.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is truly amazing how some people’s mind works. This is ridiculous. You gave your sister exactly what she wanted – she can’t circle back and call for a redo because she’s changed her mind.
I wouldn’t even discuss this with her any further or anybody else in the family (none of their business anyway).” SatelliteBeach123
26. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Despite My Family's Manipulations And Threats?
“I (18f) want to move out of my house immediately. It’s been a bad environment for me since I was 15. My sister (25) will mentally and emotionally hurt me, my mom will manipulate me to get anything she wants, my grandma acts like I’m her nanny.
You can see why I hate it here.
The worst part is my sister is pregnant and she told me in her first trimester, she wants me to take full care of the baby, and doesn’t want to do anything for it. She’s told me multiple times that.
Recently someone offered me to stay at their place, and I wanna take that offer, so I talked to my mom about it, but she had a full-blown tantrum, she threatened to take me off insurance, to cut me off of everything, and to cut contact with me.
My sister threatened me to never see the baby, if I’m gonna be in and out of his life. They also tried to say I’m my sister’s person and I’m the one that my mom thought would stay.
I am still going to move out, even if it’s in secret, whether they like or not, which makes me feel like a jerk.
Since they said they needed my help with the baby, and they need me, etc. so am I?
Edit: I would like to mention the only one supporting me to move out is my grandma, she supports me full on because she knows what will happen once the baby comes.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your entire family sounds horrible, and they’ll do anything to try to manipulate you into staying and being their servant/punching bag. I guarantee that when you do move out, they’ll invent emergencies to try to force you into coming back, too.” NoPhone4571
Another User Comments:
“Move out. Say nothing to your mother. Move your stuff to your new place a little at a time. Once you are out text your mother and tell her you are out. They use you like an unpaid servant and nanny. If you want a life you need to get out and stay gone.
Your sister is 25 and can figure it out. Good luck OP. NTJ.” AtmosphereOk6072
25. AITJ For Not Uninviting My Agoraphobic Daughter From A Group Dinner?
“I have had a closer-than-family friend group for 20+ years. There are four couples; 8 people. Four years ago one couple moved out of state.
Last month, my out-of-state friend asked me to plan a get-together while they were in town.
I brought it to the group and we picked a restaurant. I made reservations for 10 because sometimes someone brings an extra.
One friend said, “It can be our anniversary dinner!”
4 – 5 times we’ve celebrated our anniversaries together although the real dates are far apart, but I was never aware of a rule that others can’t attend.
I didn’t object, but the anniversary aspect of our plans was not on my radar; it wasn’t pertinent – so I thought.
Later, I invited my daughter (DD, 23 y.o.) to dinner and texted the group, “DD is coming, 1 spot still open!”
But 2½ hours before dinner, a different friend PM’d me, saying I must uninvite DD from our plans because they had been hoping to have dinner with the ‘adults’.
This friend often brings (sometimes all 3 of) her adult kids.
I refused to uninvite DD. She persisted.
I tried to explain that DD has agoraphobia; it’s not easy for her to agree to leave the house. There was no way I could rescind her invitation 2½ hours beforehand.
This friend has known for weeks that the reservation was for 10.
Things I didn’t have a chance to say because she hung up on me:
In fact the reason I reserved 10 spots is I was hoping this friend in particular would bring her daughter, too.
Also, I am not so heartless as to uninvite DD 2½ hours before dinner, then go without her. Complying would have forced hubby and me out of the plans I HAD MADE for our other friend.
Me: “DD has agoraphobia and it wasn’t easy for her to say yes.
She has been having a hard time lately; she would be devastated if I uninvited her now.”
Her: “So it’s all about DD.”
Me: “I can count on 1 hand the number of times DD has been to dinner with the group.”
Her: “This was supposed to be our traditional anniversary dinner.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it as an anniversary dinner. If you had a problem with plans for 10, why didn’t you say something weeks ago? I would have changed it if you had said something sooner.”
Her, “I was waiting to see what everybody else would do.”
Me (exact words): “I am not uninviting DD and you better not say one word about this to her at dinner tonight, it would destroy her.”
Her: “I can see you’re getting upset, so I’m hanging up now. This is me, hanging up.”
They blew off dinner, giving no explanation.
It has been 7 days. I’m not gossiping with the group about this; IDK if she might have PM’d others since.
For my part, I raised my voice, so I apologized for that. Twice by text and again by voice mail – crickets.
I feel blindsided by such an epic blow-out, seemingly out of nowhere.
If you’re thinking “It doesn’t add up”, you’re right. I’m still reeling in total shock from how much it doesn’t add up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you say it was common for kids to join and there were always extra reservations made so that they could be.
She really should’ve said something earlier instead of waiting to see what others said. I don’t think anyone else had an issue since no one else brought it up just this friend.” Midnightrambler28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With friends like that, who needs enemies? But seriously, if your friend knows your daughter at all they should be happy that she’s breaking out of her comfort zone and trust your friends enough to be the people she’s doing that with.
Also your point about not bringing it up last minute is 100% on point. Their reaction, blowing off dinner is entirely immature.” Martymcflym81337
24. AITJ For Yelling At My Boyfriend For Tickling Me Despite My Repeated Requests To Stop?
“I, 20(f), have been seeing my partner, 20(m), for 5 years. He’s funny, handsome, and very caring and charismatic. I fell in love with him because of his kindness. I come from a very abusive family. Weirdly enough, it’s been a challenge for me to adjust to him and others being so kind to me, even with things as simple as asking me if they can hug me.
My partner has ADHD and some traumatic things have happened to him, making him have the memory of a fish. It’s awful. You could be talking with him about something in detail and he’ll forget it an hour later or even the fact we had the conversation.
I try to be patient. I really do and I try to minimize my outbursts since I’m a very emotional person. If I’m upset, you will know.
Anyways, I hate being tickled and I hate repeating myself more than 3 times after saying stop or don’t do that but lately, he has been pushing little things like that.
He tickles me, I kid you not, every day on the feet. It frustrates me so much I literally cry. It’s not a big deal but it affects me so much so I ended up yelling at him and storming out of the room.
It’s been 5 minutes since that’s happened and I feel awful for how I reacted. I don’t even know what advice I’m seeking for anymore. What should I do? I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t like it and each time AFTER he tickles my feet he says he forgot and didn’t mean to.
He genuinely looks sorry. I feel dumb…am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“You poor thing. NTJ. It’s very frustrating to deal with someone who has memory troubles, especially about something that literally involves touching your body in ways you don’t like and are very clear about it.
At best, he can’t remember it, in which case it’s on him to make sure he does. At worst, he is being passive-aggressive and deliberately does something he knows you don’t like but blames his lack of memory as an excuse. Either way, it’s not on you, it’s on him to stop tickling your feet.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would put money on the fact he’s pretending to forget. It sounds like he has a fetish he’s exposing you to against your direct consent. He’s ignoring your boundaries and essentially assaulting/harassing you. You should tell him if he doesn’t stop you’re going to break up with him, but that’s a lose-lose.
If he stops doing it he was faking forgetting the whole time and if he keeps going, he’s still ignoring your boundaries.” ivyinfernal
23. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Doesn't Understand Art Portfolio Requirements?
“I (F16) am going into my Senior year of high school this fall and plan to pursue a career in art. Specifically Illustration and Comics.
My mom (F38) has really been pushing for me to develop my portfolio which in itself is fine but the way she’s doing it is to me crazy. I’ve been working on illustration, you know, the major meanwhile she keeps telling me I need to diversify.
At first I thought she meant like anatomy and realism which yeah I do need to practice however what she meant was stuff like literal pottery, ceramics, and other such stuff. She’s doing this in the name of “well your art teacher said you need to diversify and she went to art school” I think my art teacher was talking about like I mentioned before, realism and actually developing more into my style and “well I did art in high school” my mom went to college for US history.
I’ve tried sending her videos of other people’s illustration portfolios but she’ll yell at me and tell me I’m being smart and how I don’t know how to make a portfolio. So how do I get her to understand I know what I’m talking about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Set up a meeting with your art teacher, you, and your mom to discuss what should be in your portfolio and clear up your mom’s misconceptions. If you know what schools you want to apply to you can bring examples of their portfolio criteria and your current works so that you and the teacher can identify what pieces you are still missing for your application.” LadySmuag
Another User Comments:
“NJH The whole college entrance thing is stressful for everyone. Your mom is trying to help. You’re trying to get it right. Tell your mom to go to the websites of the schools you’re trying to get into & check out their portfolios.
That will get the two of you on the same page.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While your mom might think she is coming from a good place she should not have yelled at you or said she wanted to hit you (even joking, it’s not very funny) As an art school grad working in animation and who evaluates lots of portfolios during the hiring process, I think a diverse portfolio CAN be beneficial for an application to art school specifically.
They like to see that variety for sure, so adding different mediums could help there if you’re planning to apply. But in general, a focused portfolio is the best portfolio, and I don’t mean a specific “style” (developing your style is great for many things but if you can ONLY draw one style that may limit you).
For comics and illustration, if you want to diversify but stay in your desired field, I’d try adding graphic design and typography to your studies as well, since those are big aspects to those professions that often get overlooked in favor of the drawing aspect.” kireiwei
22. AITJ For Letting My Cousin's Kids Watch SpongeBob SquarePants?
“I (28M) and my fiancé (29F) bought a house a few months ago and just recently finished fixing it up. My cousin “Mike” and his wife, “Dee”(44M & F) along with their three boys (14,10, and 5) ended up visiting us over the weekend.
They were having a 4th of July trip but were forced to stop midway on their return due to car troubles. So they stayed with us during the weekend and were also curious to see the new house.
Me and my Fiancé welcomed them in and helped them settle in.
Dee was exhausted and pretty much slept through the visit and Mike spent most of his time with the mechanic so it was just me and my fiancé handling the boys for the majority of their visit and they gave us rules regarding what to expose their kids to.
Some context, Mike and Dee are extremely strict. They won’t let their kids watch or play pretty much anything unless it is family-friendly and even then should be taken with a grain of salt. They are not allowed to have friends because they can “poison” the boys.
They want the best education for their kids so they homeschool all three of them, But at the same time, they let their kids play on tablets at all hours, effectively making them screen zombies.
The rules they gave us were pretty much, don’t let them out of your sight and don’t show them any violence in movies and TV shows.
I cannot stress how much he said to not show violence and made it clear there was to be no cartoon violence as well.
After making food for them, they began to get restless and all three of their tablets died and they didn’t bring any chargers (they were kids tablets with their own specific adapter so no USB-based cord would work).
Wasn’t sure what to do, all the video games I had had some violence in it so I just shifted through the TV channels to see what they could possibly watch and thought they could watch SpongeBob SquarePants. The episode in question didn’t have any violence and they enjoyed it but their dad didn’t feel the same way.
Mike got mad at me and started yelling to don’t let their kids watch SpongeBob. He was really mad and everyone else just felt like crap afterwards.
They left this morning and now I getting texts and calls from the whole family saying I’m disrespectful and a jerk.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Putting the bigotry aside, you were doing them a favor by watching their kids for the duration of their stay. You accommodated their guidelines as reasonably as you could. If they need to shelter their children so much that even a common children’s cartoon is “too much” for them, then they probably just shouldn’t leave their sheltered little bubble.” buf_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did follow their rules, you just couldn’t read their minds for what they consider appropriate because they aren’t using any sort of logic normal people would use. Poor kids aren’t going to have a chance, and God help them if one actually is lgbtq+ Honestly, reduce contact for your own sanity, but especially if you plan to have kids of your own.” whichwitch9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin and his wife need to learn that while they are the parents of these children, their rules only apply in their home. If they don’t want the children exposed to the outside world at all, they should never go anywhere else ever again.
As a matter of fact, if they are so worried about the kids being corrupted, Mike shouldn’t be let anywhere near them as he slings insults and slurs on a regular basis. Hypocritical of them being worried about violence when Mike is willing to be a killer with his words.
You were doing them a favor and got crap for attempting to help them. Don’t open your home up to this person again.” moew4974
21. AITJ For Putting My Husband's Trash On His Laptop To Teach Him A Lesson?
“I (32F) have been struggling to keep up with the mess my husband (30M) has been making around the house.
He’s got PTSD and suffers from anxiety and depression, which means he often creates a mess and struggles to tidy it up.
I try to be understanding, and I don’t mind so much if it’s a little bit of clutter.
It’s the empty crisp packets, sweetie wrappers, juice cans, bottles, and dirty plates, glasses, cups that I really can’t stand.
I’m going away for a few days on a course for work, so I tidied and cleaned all the rooms in the house so that I don’t have loads to come back to.
Since then, I’ve found various bits of rubbish and dirty clothing left by my husband when he’s well aware that I’ve just cleaned up.
The other day, he put a biscuit wrapper on the radiator where I would see it to see if I would say anything to him about it.
Obviously I did, and he laughed when I said I was annoyed and told me it was “just a joke.” I told him I didn’t think it was funny, and I was having to use my weekend to tidy up his mess.
Cut to now.
He’s finished a full box of tea cakes and left the empty box on the counter in the kitchen – roughly 1M away from the bin. In an effort to show him how annoying it is when people leave things lying around, and to copy his “joke” from yesterday, I took the rubbish and put it atop his gaming laptop – no crumbs, just a dry empty box.
He’s had a tantrum, told me I’m being horrible and doing things to get a response out of him, thrown some stuff, and then told me I’ve ruined our night. Also said, I had to go further to put it on his laptop than just put it in the bin, so why didn’t I just do that?
I asked him if it’s so easy, why didn’t he put it in the bin?
Petty, perhaps…but he doesn’t realise how frustrating it is. I also understand that having mental health issues can make it difficult to keep on top of things, but I feel like he uses it as an excuse sometimes.”
Another User Comments:
“What a flaming Jerk. Isn’t he doing things to get a reaction out of you? Maybe I’m petty but I’d escalate. Dump a whole garbage can on his OC. NTJ” Traveling-Techie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honey I was married to a man just like this.
PTSD is no excuse for him treating you like a bang maid. Time to permanently get rid of the rubbish and by that I mean the slob you live with. You’ll thank yourself later. Mine started getting physically abusive when I got upset at his mess and said something and his excuse was that I deserved it and I always knew which buttons to push.
He said it in front of my son once who muttered loudly “yeah, speaking the truth definitely will do it every time…” with an eye roll. The day I told my ex I wanted a divorce, my son just said “Finally!”” Babbyjgraham
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Wedding Day With My Fiancé's Sick Sister?
“I (29F) got engaged to my partner, Peter (30M) in early 2023 and our wedding is scheduled for early 2024.
Peter has a sister, Olivia, who’s 15 and was recently diagnosed with leukemia. She’s receiving chemotherapy and as far as I know, it’s not terminal.
One of Olivia’s dreams in life is to get married. Ever since I’ve known her, she’s talked about her future wedding and has planned every last detail.
Since she got diagnosed, she’s become very worried that she won’t be able to have her dream wedding because she might pass before that happens. Based on what I know about her diagnosis, she’ll likely survive and go on to live a full life, but there’s a definite possibility she could die.
Peter and I are currently in the wedding planning stage, and this is also where we might be the jerks. Peter’s parents approached us a few days ago and asked if we would be willing to dedicate some of our wedding time to Olivia since she might not get one of her own.
According to them, Olivia wants to wear a wedding dress, invite a lot of her friends, have a say in the food/cake/decorations, and have a first dance with her partner. They said it’s better to do all this at me and Peter’s wedding because then the family can celebrate all together.
Peter and I were shocked that they would ask this since we thought that our wedding would be about us. I know Olivia is struggling and I feel completely awful for her since no teenager should have their youth ruined by cancer, but I don’t see why we can’t have a separate party for Olivia instead of having to dedicate half our day to her.
Especially since she would likely get most of the attention due to her condition. Additionally, it would cost a lot more money to have to pay for Olivia’s friends to attend the wedding (Peter’s parents only offered to pay for 75% of the additional cost) and Peter and I aren’t made of money.
Peter and I told Peter’s parents we would think about it, but after discussing it, we decided it would be better to say no because we’d prefer our day to be about us, but we’d be more than willing to pitch in funds and help plan a separate party for Olivia.
But when we informed Peter’s parents, they were furious. They said they couldn’t believe we were prioritizing ourselves over a child with cancer and that we were being selfish. They said this might be Olivia’s only chance for a wedding and how dare we deny her “dying wish.” I said I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have a separate party, but Peter’s parents said they wanted it to feel “authentic” for Olivia, so it would be better to do it at an actual wedding.
When they started raising their voices, Peter and I left. But since then Peter’s family has been spamming us with messages about how terrible we’re being to Olivia and how they can’t believe we’re not being considerate of her wishes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A separate party would be the best solution for everyone, even for Olivia.
I think your in-laws are being the selfish ones, since they probably know it will be easier and cheaper (for them) to let Olivia and her friends “tag along” in your wedding.” HousingNervous4933
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be thinking about eloping now, because even if stop asking for this, you know they’re going to plan something behind your back & hijack part of your day.” b*********h
19. AITJ For Being Honest About My Wife's Pregnancy Stretch Marks?
“My wife (28F) is 27 weeks pregnant and has quite visible stretch marks on her belly. I understand that they come naturally with pregnancy, but I will admit they are a huge turn-off for me and I struggle to stay aroused when I see them.
The other day my wife told me she thinks her stretch marks look “cute” and asked me about my opinion.
I simply said that “cute” isn’t the world I would use, but I am glad that she accepts her body. She then asked me what do I mean and that’s when I told her that I don’t think they look good, but I understand that this is what happens with pregnancy and that it was fine.
She snapped at me and said “Well, we don’t have to have intimacy anymore while I’m pregnant then” and slammed the door.
AITJ here? I simply gave my honest opinion when my wife asked me, but perhaps I should have told a white lie instead.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your wife’s pregnant body turns you off, you should have not made her pregnant. If you cannot handle a pregnant woman and their body, don’t have intimacy. Also, pregnant women do not need your opinion. When she says something about her body, your job is to say, you look beautiful honey.
Especially when she is pregnant. You can’t be this oblivious. You destroyed her self-esteem. You would be lucky if you ever have intimacy again honestly given that stretch marks never go away after they are formed.” G2KY
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I always say if they want their opinion on something they can’t change; in this circumstance ‘stretch marks’ and you’ve got nothing nice, lie.
Sometimes lying is a better option. Imagine if she had something to you about something you can’t change e.g. balding or height, you’d feel pretty sensitive. She’s pregnant so her emotions are most likely heightened, have some empathy dude.” Fit_District9660
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Aunt And Cousin At My Sister's Quinceañera?
“I’m a 21-year-old female with a 15-year-old sister. Yesterday, we celebrated her quinceañera, a traditional coming-of-age celebration in Hispanic cultures. Our father had passed away a few years ago, and he had saved money for my sister’s quinceañera.
We worked hard to contribute as well.
However, there were conflicts with our cousin who wanted to be part of the court and caused fits about it. She was mad she wasn’t a part of it even though her brother was. We explained to her we were only doing chambelanes for her court instead of damas.
This left her still furious. On the day of the quinceañera, I had prepared a picture of our father for the father-daughter dance, but it was ripped up and damaged leaving me heartbroken and in tears. I found a clue, a press-on nail, which was left on the ground.
This led me to suspect my cousin, she had the same kind of press on nails and was even missing one.
Confronting her resulted in an argument with my aunt. She was yelling at me saying it wasn’t her daughter then started insulting me and my sister which led me to kicking her out.
I was still sad about the picture and not being able to surprise my sister with it, but my sister’s partner saved the day by revealing he had bought a picture wanting to surprise my sister. Even if that went well almost my whole family from my mother’s side were mad and wouldn’t talk to me for kicking out my cousin and aunt, but my mom supported me.
I still question whether I did the right thing. (AITJ)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, w*f is up with your aunt and cousin, though? I know your cousin was looking for attention, but what’s your aunt on? Also, your family are idiots for siding with them.
Would they feel the same if it was an event specifically for them your cousin and aunt had ruined? I highly doubt it. Well done for being a great sister, though. And your sister’s partner too.” thedevilsbrother1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not like she accidentally bumped the picture and it fell over and broke… she did this on purpose.
You don’t need those kinds of people in your life.” Ok-Huckleberry6975
17. AITJ For Not Influencing My Parents To Change Their Will For My Brother's Benefit?
“My parents decided to cut my brother’s portion of inheritance down to the compulsory portion. He’ll only get what he’s legally entitled to, nothing more. Also he won’t get a say in the whole process (whereas my step-sister and I get to distribute heirlooms and money that is specified in the testament towards the grandchildren if certain conditions are met).
The reason for this is that my brother is a very unreflected, selfish and weak person who is also a very poor father to his 2 daughters. He divorced their mom (who we refer to as “the dragon” within the family and that not without reason) and basically abandoned his daughters.
The girls have to be with their mom and that in itself is horrible (unfortunately the youth welfare office can’t help since a certain amount of cruelty towards your children seems to be legal).
My parents are locking my brother out of the inheritance to protect their assets – they want THE GIRLS to have their share but they fear (rightfully so) that the dragon will take it from them.
As far as I know, there is nothing comparable to a trust fund where I live, so as long as the girls are dependent on their mother, she will get the chance to steal the money. My parents want my step-sister and me to give the money to the girls when they have gained independence from the dragon.
They are supposed to use the money for whatever THEY want. No other conditions need to be met.
Now my brother got wind of this and contacted me for the first time in 3 years. He wants me to influence my parents to change their will back to how it was.
I said no and now he and his ex are blowing up my phone and threatening that me or my parents will never ever see the girls again and whatnot.
The girls need their grandparents. They are the only adults who support them and love them unconditionally.
I do not get to see the girls that often, because the dragon hates me, too (for other reasons). I used to fight this but when my nieces have a nice time with me and my family the dragon will punish them. I can’t let that happen so I pulled back.
AITJ if I don’t let myself be blackmailed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you stall for time? Tell them your parents would not listen to you or change their mind now (possibly true) but you can try to talk to them after a while, and they should probably be on their best behavior in the meantime.
Then you could say “I think they may have updated their will, but I don’t know for sure. Just keep showing you have the girls’ best interest at heart.”” Kindly_Egg_7480
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You call the dragon that for a reason. Your parents wrote the will that way for a reason.
You know what the dragon will do if given an opportunity. Don’t give her the opportunity.” Ok_Commercial_3493
16. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Calm Down During An Ice Cream Run Argument?
“I had a disagreement between myself (41f) and my husband (43m). We have a generally peaceable marriage that has never seen us fighting too badly. In fact, none of our fights have ever led to name-calling or us saying things we “can’t take back”.
We credit our long marriage to this credo.
About a week ago, the topic of ice cream came up around 8:45 PM. Our favorite ice cream parlor nearby closes at 9:30. My husband volunteered to drive and pick up, however, our daughter (8) decided to come with, which required him to slow down and wait for her to put on shoes.
My husband hates any situation where he feels like we are somehow running behind or will be late. It makes him so cranky and quite frankly a boor to be around. This situation was NO DIFFERENT, even though we only live about 3 minutes from the ice cream place, and he was just bringing it back home anyway.
He immediately lost his patience and started shouting at my daughter to “hurry up!” and “they’re gonna be closed!”
At this point, I tried to interject with some helpful advice. I told him to just calm down, take a deep breath, “go with the flow.” I knew he had plenty of time to get there, and ultimately, it was only ice cream?
It’s not the end of the world if they are somehow closed? I was just mystified as to why he was getting SO irritated over something so seemingly inconsequential.
Anyway, I guess he was extra cranky that night because he became INFURIATED at me and pointed his anger in my direction.
He specifically called me “Sane Sally”, which I know is not the worst name he could call me, but I feel is a breach of our code to not call names or say things we can’t take back. He called me “Sane Sally” sarcastically because he believes that I am the more emotional/over-reacting person in our relationship whereas he generally bites his tongue.
(My name is not Sally).
So, AITJ for trying to offer him helpful advice, or is he the Jerk for snapping at me/calling me Sane Sally?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I must say that no one, I repeat NO ONE, wants to hear any advice to “calm down” when they’re upset.
It’s demeaning and kinda undermined what he’s telling your daughter. And why didn’t she just grab her shoes and put them on in the car? Or simply slip into some flip-flops?” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“ESH. But all you had to do was tell your daughter to stay home..it’s 3 minutes away, she did not have to come since he was bringing it home anyway.
He shouldn’t have yelled but some people absolutely can’t stand lateness. Your daughter needs to learn this too, if she grows up and shows up late for work, she’ll get fired, which is a lot worse than yelling” User
15. AITJ For Removing A Woman's Charger And Charging My Laptop At The Airport?
“This happened at the airport phone/laptop charging stations. I was charging my laptop (I need it for a meeting very soon) and I sat beside the charging station. I was not actively monitoring my laptop but I was looking at it randomly.
Once when I checked, I saw my laptop charger pulled out (for who knows how long) and a random woman charging her phone and in a call.
I looked at the charger that she removed without my permission and said nothing. She told me something like, I need to charge my phone and continued her call. This to me was kinda understandable. It was definitely rude (these things have etiquette not the least of which is not touching/removing things without permission and she didn’t even say sorry) but like whatever.
She had a call. I nodded and she did her call.
Later, once her call was done, she removed her phone and charger. I plugged in my laptop, thinking that this thing was over but then she sneers at me and tells me kinda angrily “I am charging my phone.” Now I am actually annoyed. She ends the call and says wants a thank you for letting me charge my phone or sorry for removing your charger or can I please charge my phone here for some more time or even I need to charge my phone.
This was her just acting like I was a nuisance. So the next time she left with her phone, leaving her charger behind, I remove it, charging my laptop, and sit down.
She comes back and says “I was charging my phone.” This time definitely angrily.
I normally would’ve said something like “I really need to charge, I’m sorry” or even offered to let her charge her phone for some time (I have like 35% charging on my laptop and about one hour, I can afford to let her charge for like 10 minutes) but I was done with her nonsense.
I just said sorry, not very apologetically and she starts yelling at me like “You are so disrespectful, I can’t believe you would…. You are so disrespectful..” And I replied “What about when you removed my laptop without permission.” She says “I have personal reasons, can’t believe so disrespectful…” and leaves.
I don’t think I was too out of line. If she needed a favor, she should have said it in a less entitled way or not yelled at me or sneered at me. I was definitely not the kindest person here but I don’t think I was the jerk.
Was I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t believe she had the nerve to open her mouth, which is probably what I’d have said. Though I do always love the ‘disrespectful’ thing when it comes from someone you have zero reason to respect.” FloatingPencil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was playing a shadow game, thinking that if she got there first with the accusations you would get defensive and forget that it was really her being rude and crossing boundaries all along. You know what really happened. She can sit and spin.” Relatively_Average
14. AITJ For Wanting My Wealthier Partner To Pay More For Our Hotel Stays?
“My partner (36) and I (34) have been together for four years now. He used to have a condo in the city that he recently sold and moved back in with his parents an hour away. I too have moved back in with my parents. Now with him being an hour away, we get to see each other on weekends, but we have to book a hotel.
For context, I work front desk at Animal Hospital and he is a manager in IT who pulls WELL over six figures. Every time we get a hotel, he’s only willing to pay for half of it and I pay the other half 50/50 even though he makes ASTRONOMICALLY more money than me, and he currently has no bills because he moved back with his parents.
Am I wrong for thinking that because he makes more money he should pay more towards our hotels and it being 50/50 is not fair? I’m willing to put some money in but I don’t think the person who makes in the low 30k a year should have to split something 50-50 with somebody who makes 170k+.
Am I the Jerk for refusing to pay for half? And no, he isn’t at his parents cuz he is having financial issues. He sold his condo cuz the HOA sucked and our cars had been broken into 6 times.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ “for thinking (your) partner should pay more.” Instead, you should consider adjusting your expectations and having an honest conversation with him about finances.
You are two adults who have been together for a while and should be willing to engage in this conversation openly. Some of these NTJ votes seem to overlook the fact that you have an affirmative belief that *he should pay more*. This is not the same thing as simply being open to cheaper hotels or some other compromise.
Your viewpoint apparently is *not* that you two should talk or work out a better situation, but simply that he should pay more, period. It is also suspect that you believe “50/50 is not fair.” That’s about as fair as it gets.” warp-and-woof
Another User Comments:
“NJH tell him that you can’t afford to split a hotel every weekend. Either he will help you out or you have to see him less.” Dry_Mountain4534
Another User Comments:
“NJH/NTJ but the compromise is staying somewhere where you can comfortably afford.
If he wants to stay somewhere more expensive, he can pick up the difference in cost. But if he’s not going to take your different incomes into account ever, I don’t see this lasting. He should be very aware that he makes vastly more than you and expecting you to go into debt to match his lifestyle is not ok.” Specialist-Effort777
13. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Spend Less Time With Her Mom?
“I understand that you would like a close relationship with your parents and that is a great thing to have, especially since some people don’t have a relationship with them anymore or just don’t have parents.
At first I was glad to see my wife and mother-in-law be close, but now it seems like it’s too close.
She calls multiple times a day and it’s just a bunch of short conversations like “what are you doing? What are the kids doing?” There are times when we are eating dinner and she gets a call from her mom and they’re just right there on video chat while I’m just sitting back trying not to listen to their conversation.
My wife is a stay-at-home mom and there are times when I get home from work and she’s not there because she is visiting her mom (she lives like 15 min away from us). Either that or she’s home and leaves right away to go see her.
A big reason why she goes over to her mom’s house a lot is to help her with daily things. Like sometimes she needs some bills paid or she gets stuff in the mail and doesn’t understand what she receives so my wife goes to explain to her what it is, or she has doctor’s appointments and such so she keeps her company.
I understand she doesn’t speak much English and she needs help because of language barriers but she has three sons that live with her, two of which are adults and one is in high school and all three speak perfect English but she either refuses to ask them for help or they refuse to help her, so my wife is the one wanting to do it.
At first I was fine with it but sometimes I feel like I’m married to a little girl still attached to her mom. I have a great relationship with my parents as well but I don’t talk to them every day or visit them all the time like she does.
I’m not jealous either because my parents live 30 min away from me and I can visit them whenever I want, but I don’t because I’d rather spend time with my wife and kids.
I mentioned to my wife one day “you and your mom sure do talk a lot, like every day” and she responded with “yea and?” And I said “no it’s just something I noticed because it’s every day and I’m surprised you don’t get tired since I would be kind of tired of talking to my parents every single day” and she just said “ok”.
I want to just tell her one day that she needs to back off of her mom because it’s annoying and frustrating that she’s so involved to the point that I feel like she’s putting me in the back seat of this marriage.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your desire for some breathing room from your in-laws seems pretty reasonable but it does sound like there might be some cultural aspect to your wife’s attachment? Perhaps suggest some basic stuff like “please don’t video chat your mom while we’re having dinner.
I love you and your mom but I would like to spend more time with just you”.” MonkeyPawWishes
Another User Comments:
“I agree with NJH. I think you should let her know that you would like to have some more time with her and that she can carve out some time when she completely focuses on all of you.
I do think that maybe some boundaries would work with your mother-in-law, but couples therapy might help because she may have other issues that explain the dynamic at play here.” SolidAshford
12. AITJ For Wanting Our Baby To Have My Last Name Instead Of My Husband's?
“My husband and I recently found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy was not planned but we decided to keep it.
We have been together for almost 2 years and are in our late 20s. We’re financially stable and are capable of supporting a child. We eloped shortly after finding out I was pregnant. I told my husband I wanted to keep my last name and he was completely supportive.
But now we’ve run into a conflict because I want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I don’t really have a “good” reason for this other than the fact that I want to pass down my last name. For what it’s worth, I am an only child.
My husband’s reasons for wanting to give the baby his last name are the same, except he is not an only child, and he already has nieces and nephews with his last name.
We don’t want to hyphenate or combine our names. They are both long and sound weird together.
There’s no good way to combine them. Husband thinks it will be humiliating to have a wife and child who have a different name than him. He’s worried people will assume the child is his step-child. I suggested he change his name to mine but he doesn’t want to do that either.
Since it seems like neither of us is going to budge and the baby needs a last name, I think the decision should go to me since I am the one who is carrying the pregnancy and has to give birth. My husband says “that’s not fair” and frankly, he’s not wrong.
It isn’t fair, but at this point there’s no solution that isn’t going to be unfair to one of us. But it’s not like it’s “fair” that I have to be the one to go through pregnancy and childbirth, yet it’s something just accepted since it’s biology and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
Another User Comments:
“I was bordering on E S H, but if you proposed a hyphenation and he insisted “his name and his name only” then I think that’s all you need to know. You guys do not truly work as a couple and should not be having kids together if this is your stance.
Hyphenate the last names and break up pls. NTJ.” Adorable_Computer362
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, it’s not entirely fair, but there isn’t really a fair solution if you guys really are both unwilling to yield. And your desire to pass on your name is just as valid as his, sexist traditions notwithstanding (and his argument that it will be “humiliating” for him is just a reiteration of those traditions).
But, I’d keep looking for another option before truly throwing down with a unilateral choice. I don’t know if you are open to/planning to have more than one, but I do know at least one family that had one kid with mom’s name and one with dad’s.
That’s harder to plan on though since even if you want to have more than one right now, things can always change and it would suck for someone to feel resentful if it didn’t work out.” mewley
11. AITJ For Making A Joke About My Dad's Death Before He Unexpectedly Died?
“My dad (41m) had a triple bypass heart surgery in January and spent almost four months going to physical therapy and made almost a full recovery.
The problem is I (17m) made a joke that turned out horrible. My dad and I have always been close we would go fishing, fix cars, and he would teach me general life skills and I’ve always been grateful for that and what really made us get along was our very similar sense of humor.
When my dad had his surgery we both made our fair amount of jokes about him passing and life insurance. I know that sounds terrible but it’s just how we are and we were both just trying to stay positive.
So about four months after his surgery we had some family over just my two sisters little brother and my dad’s wife.
About an hour into the night, he made a joke about me not getting his life insurance yet to which I responded “It’s a shame I’ll have to try harder next time” at that we both laughed for a minute and then continued the conversation as normal. Well, two days later my dad had a brain aneurism and he didn’t survive.
He died pretty quickly. I know this because I was the one who had to kick down the door and find him. It’s a horrible feeling and I can’t get it out of my head. My family hasn’t said anything directly but they don’t look at me anymore.
None of them even look me in the eye. I don’t know what to do we were just joking and now he’s gone and my family can’t look at me. I’m not sure if I’m a terrible person but it feels like it. Please tell me if I’m an awful person.”
Another User Comments:
“No. No you aren’t a jerk. That humor was something you shared. Never forget your dad laughed too, remember how he laughed keep that in your mind. He loved your humor and loved all of what you and he shared. I lost my mother very recently, I understand the flood of various emotions churning inside.
Therapy is always suggested to the point of sounding cliche but it IS the best medicine at these times. NTJ, it’s not possible.” Facetunethis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if my dad lived near me when he was dying we probably would have made similar jokes.
And he was actively dying of liver failure. In fact, I’m sure he did joke around in the hospital with his friends and brother. Be glad you gave him humor and a laugh in his last days!! And idk your family’s beliefs or anything but just in case it needs to be said.
You. Did. Not. Curse. Your. Dad.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Asking My Parents About Our Summer Vacation Plans?
“I (17F) come from a pretty well-off family. We are fortunate enough that vacations and going places over the summer have never been a large financial burden.
From the point of December to now, my parents (40F and 42M) have very loosely been throwing around the idea of a vacation in late July.
However, no concrete plans have been made. Starting in May, my mom was completely serious about the idea of going to Cancun, where we had been three times before. I have absolutely no problem with it and would love to go, even for a few days.
This idea, however slowly disappeared.
Then, in June, my mom began to seriously consider the options of Disneyworld in Orlando, which I was also super interested in. Those plans fell silent.
To be clear, I have never been one to expect to go out of the country or to expect a large extravagant vacation, even if it’s been done in the past.
Just recently, my mom threw the idea around of us just staying local and going to theme parks around the area. I was also super excited for this idea. This, too, fell silent.
Now, pushing into mid-July, I have been asking my parents if we are going to do anything in late July, like how it was originally planned. I was immediately met with a shut-down, with my mom saying I was spoiled for even asking about it and for mentioning it throughout the week.
My main issue is not the lack of vacation or doing anything. My main issue is that since December, ideas that I have been excited about have basically been danced around with little to no execution or drive to actually do anything. It just gets increasingly disappointing after a while.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d say back to them that you weren’t expecting anything, but cause things were tossed around for months on different possibilities. Was the only reason you asked so if you are not going on a vacation you can make plans to enjoy your summer without them.,” Sith_happens2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no that’s reasonable because you need to make your plans as well, it is odd because generally you do need to make hotel reservations or flights at least 3 weeks in advance or things get expensive (more expensive) quickly. Something sounds off, don’t think it is you.” gnatdump6
9. AITJ For Being Frustrated With A Potential Babysitting Employer's Lack Of Communication?
“I saw a post in a group for a family looking for a cover for their sitter while she’s away for the summer.
I thought this was perfect as I have college in the fall, so I wouldn’t be letting down a family by leaving. The person reviewing candidates was actually the current sitter herself! She was super sweet and we called for an interview. She said I was her favorite and she would strongly recommend me to the parents, + send my contact to the mom so that she could set up another meeting, as the position started in two weeks.
A few days went by and nothing from the mom, so I reached out to the sitter. She said the mom works full time, but her main (and reliable) communication is text & I should hear back soon. Another few days and no text, so I got the mom’s contact instead.
I sent her a text reiterating my experience and the content of the interview.
A response came two days later, a week after my interview. Mom explained that she had the week off and was busy, but she would like to meet at the end of the week.
I responded promptly asking what day was best, as that could mean Thurs-Sun. No response. I continued to politely check in every other day to, once again, nothing. At this point it’s Thursday, so I clear my schedule for the rest of the weekend and postponed plans so I’d be around.
I’m texting her daily, as I don’t want to waste my time waiting anymore. Finally I get a response Sunday, after 6 days of nothing, asking if I would be available to meet that evening. I responded excitedly asking what time. Nothing.
I got frustrated and talked to the sitter.
She recommended that I give the mom a call. So I called and left a message with no response for the rest of the night, which was a bummer after rejecting plans for the evening to make time.
I don’t get why she would offer to meet &
ultimately not respond. The position starts tomorrow and it doesn’t seem as though she cares to be considerate or professional. The parents work and can’t care for or drive their kids places during the day, so a sitter is necessary. If she’s talking with other candidates or wants someone else, that’s okay!!
But why not be let me know? I’m thinking if I don’t get a response tomorrow I let her know that I’m discontinuing my interest in the position. I’m frustrated & feel as though there’s no excuse for 2 responses within 2 weeks.
I was also on vacation this past week where I had ~1 hour of internet access a day and still managed to check in regularly, but genuinely AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, job interviews go both ways. You are interviewing your employer to see if you want to work for them. She’s not even paying you yet and still already proving she is unreliable and hard to contact. Would she come home on time?
Would she be reachable in an emergency? Would she be reliable with pay? It doesn’t seem like it. Why would you WANT to work for her?” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“You were a backup plan in case their other candidate didn’t accept the position… regardless – I would NOT contact them again and if she calls you for a last-minute “emergency” because the other person couldn’t make it for whatever reason… I wouldn’t even respond..
you’re not the jerk and I do think you dodged getting used by them.. don’t babysit for her!” 1-Dragonfly
8. AITJ For Not Explicitly Telling My Friend About A Discounted Vacation?
“I’ve got a group of good friends that I grew up with. We all live in different places and states now. But we talk pretty frequently via text and have meetups.
But we’re adults so sometimes months might go by and we are just saying “hey” every now and then or sometimes we are on the phone talking until 3 AM.
My uncle who has connections with one of those resort vacation companies offered me some really discounted vouchers that he had.
We still all had to pay but it was a fraction of the cost. I cut together a dumb video like on a game show when you win a prize for a free vacation and uploaded it as unlisted so only the people I sent it to could see.
Link to apply and claim the vacation was all in the video. On-screen and in the description.
I sent the link in the group chat and to them individually with no explanation. This was during a time we were not actively talking much but all of my friends but one replied “sweet” “cool” “NICE” and the like.
But in both chats, he did give a thumbs-up reaction to the link I sent. I sent the link out 5 months before the vacation.
All my friends but one claimed spots. Like a month before it was time to go I messaged him. “Are you not planning on going?
If you can’t afford it right now we could help you or if you can’t get the time off let me know. So we can offer it to someone else.” Then he just replied like “what are you talking about?” And I told him about the vacation video and he said he didn’t know about any vacation.
I sent him a screenshot of the text where I sent it showing his reaction. Then I sent him the link and he was like “WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW THE LINK WAS THIS I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A SONG OR A DUMB VIDEO.” Then he said he is swamped with work this month and can’t possibly make it and that I should have told him what it was.
I told him that if he told us “didn’t watch the video” or didn’t give it a thumbs up I would have just sent him the information but we ALL assumed he saw it. Ended up giving the voucher to another friend but he is upset for me not “properly” telling him when I feel like I did.
He was upset seeing all the vacation pictures and videos on social media.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not like you purposefully left him out. You sent the link without any explanation for the whole group of your friends. It’s his fault that he didn’t check that out.
Even if he didn’t want to check the link out, he could have asked what it was. But he didn’t, he pretended that he saw the link and gave a thumbs-up. “WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW THE LINK WAS THIS I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A SONG OR A DUMB VIDEO.” Hmmmmmm like this gives a major red flag with friends.
Even if it was a dumb video, he could have just checked what is.” Army_unistar
Another User Comments:
“NJH. It was a nice creative concept to get everyone on board. The only thing is busy people sometimes don’t have time for videos and links unless they seem laser-focused on what they are doing (how many times do you get a link and you just don’t have time or look super close).
It was your friend’s fault for not looking closer, but maybe a follow-up serious text/chat/email would have been appropriate for making it clear this was for real. He should have been more careful with reading your info and asked questions (even in are you joking form), so it is his own fault, therefore my vote is NJH.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“ESH (but very mildly). You assumed he watched the video, as did your other friends. He made it seem like he had. But it would have been nice to be more specific when the other friends had already booked but he didn’t.
I don’t blame him for not watching the video – me and my friends send each other videos all the time. We know that the recipient doesn’t always watch the video (going back to “would have been nice to be more clear”). But if he’s too busy at work to take a vacation anyway it doesn’t really make sense if he’s upset at you.
“Annoyed” would be a more appropriate response. But he can’t go anyway. But it makes sense that he’s upset.” post-mm
7. AITJ For Not Liking Italian Food Despite My Friends' Insistence?
“After a house party, my friend (28M) and I (28M) were in the kitchen looking for a late night snack. I was talking to my friend about an upcoming Europe trip I’m going on with a friend. He makes a comment about how good the pasta is there.
I tell him I’m not the biggest fan of pasta and am more interested in seeing the culture and architecture of European cities. He has a huge reaction as he is a quarter Italian and that’s one of his favorite cuisines.
I tell him I personally don’t like it as I grew up eating Korean food every day.
Korean food has a lot of spices with a bunch of varied flavors and that is what I prefer. I know this is a controversial opinion but I can’t really change my taste buds lol.
He was unable to accept that answer and brings in his partner into the conversation, who is half-Italian.
She jumps on his side and now they are both kind of interrogating me about it. I explain my reasoning but doesn’t get through to the two of them. I tried to clarify I wasn’t judging against and criticizing Italian cuisine. It’s simply my personal taste.
I was getting annoyed having to explain myself over and over again and the argument eventually escalated.
At this point, I said let’s just move on from the conversation. For some context, my dad has really bad anger issues so I hate conflict. My friend refuses and keeps on bringing it back up.
He goes on to say I’m being ignorant and I haven’t tried authentic dishes yet. I disagreed. I’ve lived in LA + San Diego for 2.5 years and also had a roommate who moved from Italy. He would show me around authentic Italian restaurants with varied prices in both cities.
My roommate said the food was similar to food back home. I feel as though I can trust his opinion as he grew up in Italy.
At this point I tried to remove myself from the situation. Wanted to get an Uber home but was unable to find one so early in the morning.
Eventually just left the kitchen and went to bed.
Having a difficult time trying to move on from the argument. I went to the gym and a walk for some distractions but it keeps on popping back up. This kind of starts a negative feedback loop and it’s been affecting my daily responsibilities and mental health.
It makes me sad because I’ve been friends with him for 20+ years. I practically grew up with him and the fact that he was unable to understand that not every culture is the same and everyone grows up differently irked me. I don’t know if I can continue being such close friends with him.
Diversity in preferences and culture is what makes the world and people interesting. I think it’s important to respect that.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as you said, it is about what you are used to. I also think that Portuguese food is the best in the world and very underrated, but I know it is because that’s what I grew up with.
Just like I hate barbecues full of sauces because we just put salt on our meat while barbecuing. It is taste, and you are just expressing yours, nothing wrong with that. Is there anything you know they don’t like and is an unpopular opinion? Throw that back at them as a comparison.” Carneirinha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I do HIGHLY recommend trying some kind of pasta when you are there. The BEST pizza I’ve ever had was made by an Italian expat living in Thailand. His mother’s sauce recipe was the pizza sauce and it had TONS of flavour.
Maybe not spicy but definitely a lot of flavour. Better than anything my non-Italian behind could ever make.” Wastelander42
Another User Comments:
“Last time I was in Italy I didn’t eat Italian food. I ate my birth country’s cuisine that I couldn’t find in the current country I live in.
I totally got roasted by all the Italian (actual people from the motherland) people that I knew. But it wasn’t a full-blown argument. It was my trip with my money. I came specifically to Milan to eat Jollibee. No one was going to convince me otherwise.
So you do you. NTJ.” Safe_University9648
6. AITJ For Letting My Stepdaughter Babysit Her Siblings?
“My husband and I have 3 little girls (2, 5, 6). My stepdaughter (15) is also here for all of July, she’s with us about 60 days a year. Generally, I leave big-picture parenting for her to my husband/her dad, but since he works/commutes 7-8pm and I’m home all day I’m the primary parent day to day.
SD gets along well with the girls and they idolize her. I do not demand she babysit and I’m around most of the day she will informally be with them a lot. Sometimes I’ll give her snack money and tell her to keep the change or buy her other stuff but mostly it’s unpaid unless I’m leaving the house.
To me this is fair and she hasn’t said anything because she gets an allowance from us but does no other chores around the house so basically this is her chores.
However, my husband decided she wasn’t allowed to babysit anymore not even just taking them places but basically being with them if I’m not there at all.
She is now being passive-aggressive about it, like if they ask her for something and if my husband is in earshot she’ll say “your dad says I can’t, ask him.”
My husband is still blaming me for “creating this pattern” and says I’m lazy for letting her be involved at all.
He acts like she can’t be trusted or something even though stepdaughter is very responsible. Part of his POV is that he knows she does a lot of babysitting and additional chores at her mom’s, probably too much, and strongly disapproves of that. Which is also why he’s so against her having any actual responsibilities even though she gets an allowance and is IMO pretty bored here.
My husband and I are fighting about it a lot. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know why you’re even posting here. You have framed your husband as being completely irrational and stupid, and just want us to shore up your argument. You haven’t done anything that might make you the Jerk.” footfoe
Another User Comments:
“I agree with your husband, she shouldn’t be minding your kids. The only exception is if it is a couple of hours paid. She is a teenager who is being parentified in her mother’s home and her father is right to want her to have a break.
She should be out doing hobbies and making friends. She needs to be enabled and free to do that. Mind your own kids.” Zolarosaya
Another User Comments:
“It seems like your husband has heard about ‘parentification,’ and has decided that this is what’s happening.
He just got a little paranoid about it. And it might indeed be happening at her mom’s. But you’re just doing normal stuff, imo. However, if he only gets to see her in the summer, it’s kind of weird that he doesn’t make an effort to cut back his working hours during the summer months.
13 hours a day seems excessive. It’s not like this is a surprise. NTJ.” BigComfyCouch4
5. AITJ For Wanting To Seek Medical Attention Behind My Husband's Back?
“The background context is that my husband never takes health issues seriously, not his and not mine. Anytime there’s any serious medical issue he always downplays it or uses his own medical history (untreated) as an excuse as to why I don’t need to go the doctor: basically “I didn’t go for x and I was fine, so you don’t need to go for y.” We live in a country with socialized healthcare so money isn’t the issue and I have chronic health issues that I often have to get treatment behind his back for.
This leads to arguments because he doesn’t think I really need treatment and I’m just being a drama queen, despite the opinions of doctors who get kinda freaked out when I talk about the extent of my issues.
Today I fell down the stairs and hit my head pretty hard on the corner of the railing, so unrelated to anything chronic.
There hasn’t been any b***d, but I have some anxiety because the last time I got a concussion, they weren’t able to diagnose it until after I collapsed a few days later. I haven’t been feeling super great all day, so I was “allowed” to rest, but I brought up going to the hospital again later in the day.
He says it’s not a big deal because I didn’t hit it that hard (he wasn’t around when it happened) since there’s no b***d and I seem fine. I said I should go just in case, he asks why, I reiterate in case it is something more serious, he shrugs, and finally I said that I’d ask his sister to take me tomorrow if I wasn’t feeling great.
He immediately got angry and is now giving me the silent treatment and an attitude about it.
AITJ for making a big deal out of what might be a non-issue and immediately defaulting to going behind his back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do you need his permission to seek medical care?
Why is he “allowing” you to rest? Why are you with a person who has so little care for your health? This isn’t about a possible concussion (which is a serious issue by itself ) but about this man controlling you so much. The silent treatment because of anger over your wanting medical attention is screaming control.
You might want to discuss that with the medical staff when you go. Give this some serious thought.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is the jerk. Reading your comments it seems he is very comfortable with staying at home and relaxing. I guess he doesn’t help with anything in your household by saying “I can’t, my back injury.” Take your brother and his family in and let your husband stay in the camper.
There he can relax. he is welcome back if he contribute to the bills (=works) and the household (=chores).” Realistic_Chair8371
4. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's Birthday Early To See A Digitally Remastered Concert?
“Today is my dad’s birthday and so I went back home to celebrate and give him a gift. I knew I needed to be in Brussels at 7 o’clock because a cinema there is showing the digitally remastered Ziggy Stardust concert at Hammersmith of 1973.
I told him beforehand I was gonna come early in the afternoon so I could spend enough time with him before leaving. I hadn’t told him what for I needed to be in Brussels.
Once I arrived he asked me why I needed to be in Brussels, he didn’t say anything of it but when I was in the car with my brother when he went to drop me off at the train station, my brother said it was rude to “ditch” my dad on his birthday to go see a stupid Bowie concert I can see online.
But he doesn’t understand this is a digital remaster of which the difference in quality is gonna be the coolest in a cinema, and that it only shows today at 7. Also I woke up early (summer break just started so that was a challenge) to make sure I could spend enough time with my dad AND watch the movie, I thought I did the best solution but my brother thinks otherwise.
What do y’all think AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes things come up on people’s birthdays. Now if it were like every year ya did this, then it would be different. Imo, you’d be justified to miss the entire day if the time was different.
But you made the effort to show up and spend time with him, which not everyone would do. And it’s not like you did it to hang with friends or play video games or something, it was for a once-in-a-lifetime experience.” edynol
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s pretty clear your dad was on a side trip. You’re entitled to do whatever, no one is stopping you. But if you asked me what your priority is today: it’s an old movie, not your father. Which is fine – but it certainly makes your attempt to ‘visit and spend time’ fairly weak.” DontSayTrans
3. AITJ For Using My BIL's Unexecuted Business Idea And Starting A Successful Laundry Mat Business?
“Roughly 2 years ago we were at a family gathering. Somewhere in the many conversations, BIL started talking about starting a business. This piqued my interest as I know BIL doesn’t follow through with anything but he sounds excited. So I joined the conversation and it turns out BIL wants to open a laundry mat and has done some amazing and detailed research into the matter.
He knows how much it’ll cost to start the business, how long it’ll take to turn a profit, how much revenue he can expect, the city’s and state’s regulations, and the tax obligations. In short, he did all the leg it takes to go to a bank to ask for a loan.
For once I was actually interested in what BIL but I wasn’t interested in his business plan as I had a great job at the time.
Months afterward, the company I worked for started to receive fewer work orders and my great job was on shaky grounds.
I updated my resume and started looking for another job. Then I remembered BIL’s laundry mat plan and started looking into it.
To make a long story short, I sold much of my stuff, pooled all of my money together, and maxed out my credit card to open a laundry mat in my city.
I’m making almost as much money now as I did at my great job and my earnings are projected to keep on rising. In fact I’m in the process of opening a 2nd location and if it performs well, I’ll open a 3rd.
I flew home for the 4th of July week and that’s where things hit the fan. My sister and BIL started making passive-aggressive comments about my business and when they found out about the 2nd location, their comments turned fully aggressive. They accused me of stealing BIL’s business plan and profiting off his legwork.
I argued we live 7 hours from each other and there’s nothing stopping them from opening the same business. They argued I would have never done it until BIL gave me all of the financial details which in truth, is correct. Never in a million years would I have thought I would open a laundry mat.
However I didn’t actually use his numbers as I did not need a loan from the bank.
There’s a huge fight between us right now and they demand I bring BIL into my business. My parents think I should because it was his idea and it’ll keep the peace in the family.
I don’t think I should since he came up with the idea but I did all of the necessary work to make it actually happen.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first I thought you opened one up in the same area but since you all don’t live near one another this just seems like a good business opportunity to jump on and it’s worked for you.
It’s not like he came up with the laundromat concept, he just had an idea to open one. And it sounds like he still hasn’t gone through with it and you’re looking to open a 3rd. Sounds like jealousy…” coooourtie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but don’t you dare bring him on board unless you’re prepared to lose everything or face other hardships from their potential revenge base sabotage.” BiggKab
2. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That My Brother-In-Law Was Asking Us For Money?
“My husband is 64 and the oldest of three brothers, the other two being twins who are 60.
Their mother is in her mid-80s. We have had nonstop family conflict over politics for the last several years – and the mother and twins have formed an alliance, treating my husband like the black sheep. We have been threatened and harassed by them all but we try to maintain a fragile peace for the sake of my MIL.
Several years ago, my FIL died and MIL moved to MS to live with one of the twins. This brother has always been financially strained despite he and his wife both being working professionals in the medical field. My husband was downsized out of his job several years ago and then lost his eyesight – so our financial situation is a bit more tenuous than theirs.
Last summer, my husband was ejected from a job we had moved across the country for after losing his eyesight. As a result, he had a discrimination claim against the company which eventually settled with him out of court. We were able to pay off some debt and get our finances in shape – but we certainly didn’t become wealthy as a result.
A couple of weeks ago – the BIL that MIL lives with emailed my husband and said their mother was going to be in need of skilled nursing in six months because she was declining so fast. He said everyone needed to pony up funds to help with this need to the tune of $27-35 / hr for 4-6 hrs per day.
First of all, MIL receives SS and a savings we estimated to be upwards of $150,000 from the sale of her house after building her MIL suite off the back of his house. Secondly, why do we need to provide funds for some hypothetical future need?
The email also said not to tell their mother. It didn’t take long for us to realize that he thinks we have money from that settlement!!
My husband and I discussed it – and decided we definitely needed to talk to his mother. She is fully capable of making decisions for herself – and was heading out the door in her own car for a hair appointment when we called. She said she did NOT need nursing care – and that she had money when she does need it.
She was livid with him – and he in turn was livid with us. He texted my husband and said “you’re dead to me.”
AITJ for encouraging my husband to call his mother and better assess the situation – violating my BIL’s confidence – and telling her he was trying to get funds from us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For future reference, any time there are “mom expenses” that you feel you should help with, make arrangements to pay your share directly to the vendor. The shenanigans your BIL is trying to pull are all too common. The only way around it is direct payments.
Hugs and Good Luck.” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, y’all appear to be grifters more than your BIL. Your finances were seemingly in no better shape than theirs. You obviously had no problem delegating the majority of the responsibility for MIL’s care to him.
Yet, rather them simply calling him if you had questions about the email, you do some mental gymnastics and decide he’s trying to scam you. No wonder your husband is the black sheep.” Alarming-Chapter-990
1. AITJ For Wanting My Messy Cousin To Move Out Of My Room?
“So I (f15) live in Canada with my parents and older sister. My parents immigrated here 16 years ago. Our whole family is still in my home country and even though my dad offers to pay for their whole trip and living expenses, none of my family members have any interest in moving here.
Recently, my older cousin (f18) got accepted to a nice college in our city, and fast forward to now (after a bunch of legal and immigration stuff), she lives with us, although my dad offered to pay for her apartment, she wanted to stay with us so she doesn’t get lonely.
In our house, I’m in the master bedroom that has really big closets and its own bathroom as my parents don’t sleep in the same room and are basically divorced but not officially.
My dad offered for her to stay in my room and everything was great.
My problem starts here. After 1 month, I started becoming super frustrated. Although I know this may be a stressful time for my cousin, she doesn’t clean up after herself at all. Always leaves half-eaten food around, her clothes are always on the floor, and all her toiletries are scattered everywhere.
She also leaves her b****y tampons on the counter in our bathroom and says she forgets to throw them out. There’s a lot more but basically she’s just super messy.
I’ve offered to clean things up for her but she says she doesn’t need me to baby her and she can do it herself but the problem is she doesn’t!
A few nights ago, I sat her down and told her if she doesn’t start cleaning up, then I’m gonna ask to move her out of my room and she just yelled at me and stormed off.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a parent problem as well as a roommate problem.
Given that your house has extra rooms, it’s completely unreasonable for you to have to share a room. The fact your dad offered it? Super gross. Still, it’s probably easier to get your parents to fix your roommate problem than expecting your cousin to become a better roommate.
Talk to your dad and explain how this situation is unfair. Drag him to the bathroom and show him the mess and b****y tampons.” domeric_bolton11
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it’s not your house and you don’t get to kick someone out of a house you don’t own or pay rent to live in.
You need to discuss this with your parents and ask them to make other arrangements.” NorthernLitUp
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