People Call For Us To React To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Being Strict About My No-Booze Rule?
“I suffer from bipolar disorder and my husband is a recovered addict. We got together when we were at our complete lowest, I was going through my first manic episode and he was in the depth of his addiction.
We were a mess but after multiple rehab and psych ward visits we are now 35 and he is 10 years sober and I am medicated and stable.
So although we’re both in a very good place in our lives we don’t have any booze in the house for obvious reasons.
My meds under no circumstances can not mix with liquor and my husband obviously can’t drink it so we prefer to keep it away from our home to prevent the risk of him relapsing. This being said we obviously don’t care if people around us drink or if we go to events with booze it’s just not in our home.
Now for Christmas my parents usually host but for the past 3 years, one of my siblings has hosted instead (there are 5 of us). This year I was asked to host and was fully up for this. We have a beautiful home and can afford to cater to everyone.
Now I did say from the get-go that I don’t mind hosting but there can not be any liquor in my home and if this was going to be a problem then we should just do it elsewhere as I don’t want to risk anything.
This may be dramatic but when you live with a recovered addict you have to be as cautious as possible. No one said anything and I assumed everything was fine and that they were all okay with the no-liquor rule.
When Friday rolled around my sister called me asking if it was okay if she brought a bottle of Prosecco for her and her husband and that she knows I’m strict about the no-liquor rule but it would just be for her and her husband.
I told her no and we ended up getting into a huge fight. I told her that if she wanted to drink then we could host at her place but by no circumstances was there being liquor brought under my roof. She said I was being dramatic.
After speaking to my mom she said it was too last minute to change arrangements and is one day of liquor really going to affect me much. I personally feel like my sister brought it up so last minute to try and force me in a corner but I just said that if they want liquor they’re not coming into my home with it.
They ended up not coming for Christmas and held it at my sister’s without inviting us. I had a lovely quiet Christmas with my husband but now none of my siblings, parents, and grandparents will speak to me. I felt as though I didn’t do anything wrong but I’m starting to think maybe I should’ve offered to pay to eat out or something instead so everyone could have a drink.
Also before anyone asks my husband was also against any liquor in the home and called my sister himself to explain why it’s so important to us and mine and my husband’s well-being is my personal top priority in the situation.
So AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Pointing Out To A Schoolmate Why He Might Be Jealous Of People Having Friends From High School?
“So I know this guy (21M) from school. He’s sort of odd and doesn’t have many friends in real life, only online friends.
I realized recently that he has an odd fixation with high school. Like, someone at our college will say they’re going home to visit a high school friend, or they reconnected with an old teacher, and it makes him very angry.
He gets snarky and always mocks anyone who speaks of high school.
He remarks how ‘sad and weird’ it is for anyone to still be in contact with friends from high school, how ‘cringe’ it is to keep in touch with a high school teacher, and how anyone who still speaks to high school friends is so ‘pathetic’ and peaked in high school.
Most people still have friends from high school who visit in college, or they go home to visit, so this happens quite often, with him viewing it as very sad and scandalous to talk to friends from high school.
There’s a very friendly, nice girl in our study group.
She said she was going to visit a friend from high school for the weekend. After she left, he was very randomly like ‘How sad. Imagine still talking to anyone from high school. Never going to move on. Totally peaked in high school. She was probably a cheerleader, homecoming queen who coasted on being pretty and longs for her glory days.’
I was like ‘What?’ Because it was so out of the blue and unfounded. The girl in question is very popular and thriving in college and going to a top law school afterward. She has also never mentioned cheerleading or being a homecoming queen.
I gently tried to ask if maybe he just thinks that no one should talk to high school friends because he didn’t really have any friends in high school and was socially maladjusted, so people having friends from high school makes him jealous or something.
He blinked at me and then said so you’re calling me a loser, and then he got mad and said I’m ‘one of them.'”
33. AITJ For Prioritizing Late Work Dinners?
“My wife (32f) has been a stay-at-home mom for our kids (4f, 2m) for about three years now. She gave up a successful specialty nursing career to be home.
I’ve been working from home since 2020, and 6 months ago I took a job that doubled my salary (130k -> 255k). I was clear that this would require more work than my last job, not outrageously so, but still about 40 hours with some travel and occasional after-hours meetings.
I took the job and that 6 months allowed our family to move to a larger home in a better neighborhood, have a reliable cleaner, landscaper, etc. I’ve arranged my work schedule to be 8 am-4 pm eating lunch at my desk, I don’t mind at all, so I can be off earlier to be with the kids.
Occasionally I am starting to travel for one or two-night trips every few weeks.
Tonight there was a small dinner/happy hour, which is a 30-min drive away, from 4 pm to 6 pm. I told her the event was a happy hour from 4-6. A few people were late so didn’t really start until 4:45 pm and I made the decision, keeping her informed, that I would be later, leaving at 6:30-ish and getting home at 7:15 pm.
She got mildly upset during over text that it was unfair, but I made a decision to stay.
She’s upset because a trend with her for these events is wanting me to set a time and leave at that time. Have the balls to say I have to go and leave.
Fairly strictly since the event isn’t ‘required’. My opinion is going to these events is valuable, especially new to a company, and the reality of the situation is dynamic, it could go over by an hour. Not hitting the bars all night on a whim with co-workers, that’s unreasonable, but the dinner/whatever could go longer, and the better choice is to take advantage of those rare networking opportunities.
AITJ for wanting to stay later at a work dinner at a new job that is going later than expected when my stay-at-home wife is home with the kids?”
32. AITJ For Making A Joke About My Parents Helping Us Pay For My Medical Bills?
“I (21M) have a lot of medical issues, all caused by a genetic mutation I developed from my father. He’s been sick all my life and almost died a good dozen times, as have I.
My little sister has just been diagnosed with the disease too. It’s degenerative, and in 6 short years, I’ve gone from being at the gym 4 times a week and playing football at a rep level to being a wheelchair user in diapers with a feeding tube.
I obviously can’t work and am reliant on government payments and my partner. But because of how rare and complicated my case is, I have to see a lot of doctors and take a lot of treatments. I’m talking < $2000 AUD a month.
I’m super lucky to have a pensioner card and NDIS to support these costs, but I’ve had to miss out on some pretty important treatments simply because we can’t afford them.
I’ve never really blamed my parents for my health. It’s not their fault and… I’ve made do with the life they gave me and I honestly love life – though of course, I have my moments.
You know when something super crappy happens but no one’s to blame so you kinda just burst a bit? Yeah. Well, that’s what happened a couple of weeks ago.
My parents’ involvement in my medical care has always been a point of contention.
My dad has never actually been formally diagnosed, as he distrusts doctors. If he’d pursued treatment beyond the times he almost died, I would have most likely received earlier intervention than I did, which could’ve saved me a LOT of trauma and slowed the progression of the disease.
I was visiting my parents for Father’s Day. We were having lunch when my mum brought up my cousin’s wedding in Jan. She asked my partner and me how we were planning on getting there. I mentioned that my partner was considering not going in order to save funds (keep in mind, he doesn’t know her).
My mum blew up. She accused us of being selfish, saying we earn a lot and it was unfair to cancel when we could just save up. So I told her that ALL my pay goes to medical expenses, and some of my partner’s have to too sometimes.
We’re actually currently living with my in-laws because we can’t afford rent as well as my medical expenses. I explained the situation but she was just so dismissive. She complained that it wasn’t fair for them that my partner skip, regardless of our finances.
‘Why don’t you just pay for my medical bills then? It’s not fair for ME that I have to pay for something that was forced onto me.’
I immediately felt terrible for what I insinuated, and my mum stormed out. My partner says my feelings were completely valid and it’s understandable I blew up like that.
My little sisters say the same but I’m not so sure… it isn’t my mum’s fault either and while that’s not at all what I meant by what I said, it also kinda was on like, a deeper level? I don’t know how I feel.
I’ve apologized to my mum but she’s still really upset and I wanna know other’s opinions so… was I the jerk?”
31. AITJ For Getting My Niece An IPad While Her Stepsister Only Got A Gift Card?
“I (35M) have two siblings (40M and 37F).
I have no kids but 37F has 2 bio kids (15F & 12M) and two step-kids (16F & 10F). I work a fairly good job and don’t mind buying my niblings gifts for their birthdays or special occasions. I have known the bio kids for their whole lives but the step kids only 4 years.
I don’t exclude any kids or treat them differently but sometimes they are at their mother’s house instead of my sister’s house when I am free to do things which led to them being excluded from certain activities. This has caused issues but the end result was the 15F and 12M getting to go on fewer activities with me.
I honestly think I treat them fairly but I have seen 15F and 12M grow up since they were babies and have a different relationship with them.
The 15F is about to turn 16 in 2 weeks. She has talked about saving for an iPad and Apple pencil this year to explore her drawing hobby.
I can afford it and I don’t mind buying this for her as I think she is a very talented artist. I gave my sister a heads-up more as a courtesy rather than permission and her husband was present. Later, my sister called me and said this wasn’t fair as I had only gotten her stepdaughter a $100 Sephora gift card 2 months earlier.
Her suggestion was I get her the same gift or something less flashy. For context, I got the 12M a $500 mountain bike but we go mountain bike riding pretty often together. There are no issues here.
We got into an argument and I don’t know what to do.
I just want to buy a gift to encourage a hobby of a person I love but I also don’t want to cause more blending trouble as I know it is already hard enough. AITJ if I buy my niece an iPad?”
30. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Daughter's Rude Behavior?
“I had my friend and her ten-year-old daughter stay with us. We have been friends for 20 years and I was really excited to have them stay. We recently purchased and renovated our townhouse so everything in it is brand new. I spent hours cleaning for their arrival. I bought coloring books etc and made a little area just for the ten-year-old.
I had a welcome gift and their room all ready. She used to live in the area and had a lot of people to visit so I made sure to take the day off work she was free for me.
They arrived and she had a bunch of errands to do so I helped her, made dinner, and made sure there was plenty of my friend’s favorite wine to drink.
Her daughter complained my house was too crowded and small downstairs and that all my stuff was filthy and yucky. I figured she was just tired from their flight.
The next day my friend had more errands. She wanted her daughter and me to wait in the car while she went to an appointment.
She said she would only be ten minutes. I suggested I take her daughter home and we go to the park. She said ok, her appointment was 3 hours long and it was a hot summer day.
Her daughter & I had a wonderful time at the park with our dog, she met some kids and played and said how nice it was to be out.
We get home and her daughter lays on my bed and starts rubbing her dirty feet on our walls to clean her feet. There were black streaks from the dirt and I asked her to please stop.
I had to step out for a few minutes myself to get some groceries for the next day.
I left them at home with the aircon on and I wasn’t gone more than an hour. I come home and all the doors and windows are open, the stove is on, the tv is on and all the lights are on but they are both in their room.
I closed everything up and shut the stove off. My husband went out and got pizza. We bought special pizza for them since they are both fussy eaters.
I took two slices and the little girl says to me ‘Wow (my husband’s first name) you’re lucky you ever get anything to eat around here.
Your wife is such a pizza hog!’ Her mom laughed but I had enough. I told the little girl that was very rude and she shouldn’t speak like that when she is a guest in someone’s home.
Her mom blasted me for parenting her child and said I had no right.
They left our home and I was so relieved. They were supposed to stay while my husband and I were out of town the next week. My husband is very quiet but he said to me he didn’t feel comfortable with them staying there (open doors, stove left unattended, they left their dishes everywhere for us to clean up, food was left out).
AITJ for telling her daughter that was rude? Should I have just taken it and then asked them to leave the next day? I felt I did my best to do everything here for them but should I have done more?”
29. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Go To A Family Reunion At A Restaurant That Doesn't Have Gluten-Free Options?
“Today I’ve been invited to a family reunion, which happens once or twice a year.
This will be a reunion for ‘everybody’s birthday’ since many of us are born in the summer.
My family ends up always choosing a place where I can barely eat anything. That’s because I can’t eat gluten and my family is well aware of this because my grandmother always cooked for me separately.
Also, we are in Italy so everything is about pizza and I can’t eat regular pizza, I need to eat in a place that has a gluten-free option.
Making it even more complicated, the chosen restaurant has a menu mainly composed of fish dishes. I’ve never eaten fish, I really dislike it.
The other option is meat that 1) costs a lot and 2) I stopped eating because I’m going vegetarian.
Last year I had the same problem, I ended up attending and eating something I didn’t really want to eat, I ate meat while everyone was eating pizza and it always makes me feel weird.
I want to eat what everyone is eating.
I would really like to attend, I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my family but lately, I’m trying to get closer to them and let them know me and open up to me, but it feels like they keep ignoring my needs and limits and this makes me feel really sad and this is why I’m considering not attending, it wouldn’t make me feel good.
Am I selfish and a killjoy for thinking about not attending? Should I just pick some meat, pay 20€ and just shut up and let everybody else enjoy the reunion? Am I ruining everybody’s dinner?
Of course, every time this happens I talk to my mother and explain I have a problem with the menu and she understands but she will never take my side or be my advocate because she doesn’t have the courage to say anything different from what my grandparents want.”
28. AITJ For Going To My Sister's Ex-Husband To Have My Daughter's Ear Infection Treated?
“My sister is divorced, her ex-husband is a pediatrician we will call him Steve.
My daughter woke up with an ear infection, she’s had 6 ear surgeries including grafts in both ears.
ENT issues for her are taken very seriously.
My daughter’s ENT doctor and regular pediatrician had no availability. My sister’s ex-husband works in the same medical practice as both. When talking to the practice scheduler Steve was the only pediatrician that had a same-day appointment.
I took it.
Back story: Steve had an affair. I have no contact with Steve besides when I get my nephew (sister’s son) from him or see him at drop off/pick up (our kids go to the same school). I don’t like Steve.
I think he’s a vile person, but he was the only pediatrician in the practice that had an opening. It’s been 6 years since the affair and they’ve been divorced for 5 of those years.
I told my sister that I went to Steve because he was the only provider that had an opening and she lost it on me.
Yelling, cursing, telling me how she never would have done that to me.
Maybe I’m a jerk, but I wouldn’t care if my ex was a doctor and my nephew saw him. Especially if it was something that was serious or could become serious. I would be fine with it because honestly, the care would probably be better, and like it or not Steve is still family.
My sister told me I should have taken my daughter to the ER or Urgent Care. I told her she was out of her mind.
- The ER is not for ear infections. Neither is Urgent Care when I can see a pediatrician that knows her medical/surgical history.
- Her resentment issues are not more important than her niece’s healthcare.
She told me my daughter’s ear infection was no excuse to do that to her. I said do what? Get my kid proper treatment? I have no contact with Steve and haven’t talked to or seen him since the doctor’s visit.
I have refused to go out with my sister, and have created space since her outburst. It was so over the top and frankly outrageous for her to be so offended. I don’t understand how it’s reasonable to expect me to let my daughter suffer due to her pettiness from my perspective.
She has not apologized and refuses to even address the incident because she feels I am wrong and betrayed her.
Am I the jerk for taking my daughter to Steve for medical treatment?”
27. AITJ For Telling My Partner That I'm Not Willing To Stay Up Late For His Kids?
“I (31f) am seeing someone (30m) with two young kids. They currently live in another state and he only gets 4 weeks a year with them.
This week marks the beginning of his first 2 weeks with them and that’s great, only they can’t actually come home with us. Due to a crappy situation, he is only allowed supervised visits, and his mom is the supervisor meaning that the kids will stay with her.
This is where my problems begin.
Sometimes, I have to get up extremely early (for me) and go to bed early to get 8 hours. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder a year ago and feel the most stable when I’ve had exactly 8 hours of sleep.
He naturally wants to spend the most time with them as humanly possible, which I fully support, but it isn’t without complications.
Firstly, we carpool to work as we work at the same place and only have 1 car. So right after work, I am with him at his mom’s house visiting the kids until he is ready to go.
That’s completely good with me until it starts hitting 8 o clock and I am tired. While planning the week, I told him that being home at 7:30 I felt was the most fair to me and the dogs which would be sitting at home pooping on the floor otherwise.
He has a solution to the dog problem (that I hate) but it’s less relevant.
He told me that his kids come first. Again, that’s great, but if I can’t function then my job and our whole life is in jeopardy. His response to that is that I don’t actually need that much sleep, and I obviously don’t sacrifice for my own child if I am not willing to stay up for his kids.
This situation is a deal breaker for him. If I don’t stay up, in his words, I don’t care about them, and he doesn’t want me around his kids if I don’t care about them. If I don’t stay up, he is going to break up with me.
Am I just being selfish? AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Defending My Partner's Long Hair?
“My partner (28m) and I (27f) have been living with each other for 5 years.
I encouraged him to keep his hair long when we met and since then he hasn’t had it cut (apart from trimming split ends). His hair is thigh-length, blonde, and thick and he and I are both very happy with it.
His parents don’t hate his hair but they aren’t the most supportive of it.
They would always tell him to wear it in a bun or other styles to hide its incredible length whenever he was with them.
Last week we had our first family reunion since 2020 and his parents hadn’t seen him in real life for 3 years. Due to this, they were unknowing of the real length of his hair as on Zoom calls you can’t see it fully.
His parents were not very happy he hadn’t had a haircut and lectured him about how he was a boy, not a girl. They told him if he wanted to go and fulfill his princess fantasies he should go live in a tower and wait for his prince to come.
I felt sick listening to them treat him like this but eventually, I intervened. Because I butted in they soon started on me and blamed his hair on me saying I shouldn’t encourage him to be someone he isn’t and that if I liked long hair so much I should grow it myself.
To which I responded by taking my waist-length hair out of its bun and saying we both had long hair and they shouldn’t have a problem with it.
We went home that night both quite upset that his parents were so nasty about it and we went in all naive thinking they wouldn’t mind his stunning locks.
His family thinks I’m a jerk for letting him grow his hair but I think it’s his hair, his choice what he does with it.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Meeting With My Half-Sister Because I Don't Want To Be Used Again?
“I (25F) have an older half-sister (37F) who married a Ukrainian man a couple of years ago and moved there. She is very educated – studied in France and America, traveled the world while working as a tour guide, and speaks several languages. Despite that, she’s quite religious – to the point her husband was chosen BY her church.
And it’s not like she’s unhappy. She left her career and gingerly moved to some village in the Ukrainian countryside to keep pumping out babies with him. We were never close, she’s like 12 years my senior, and every time we met she kept pushing her beliefs onto me, which I found weird and annoying.
We haven’t even spoken for more than 7 years, I believe, until today. You see, when the war hit – she, her husband, and their 3 kids had to run and now they ended up in the same city I moved to after school. I am the first in my family to go through the process of naturalization in the EU, so all of my step-siblings reached out at one point for legal advice or help on the ground, as if I’m some pro bono lawyer.
It’s quite jarring to receive out-of-the-blue calls with convoluted requests like – ‘Pay for my EU speed ticket’ or ‘I need a certificate that you are studying in X university so I could make a visa for myself’ or ‘I’m missing a repair component for my shower system – buy and send it to me’.
Honestly, I got tired of the audacity and the general bad b***d between us, so I distanced myself from my dad’s side of the family altogether.
Despite that, she reached out today and asked if I wanted to meet her and her kids (my niblings, who I actually never saw in person) with a general spiel about how family has to look out for each other, etc. I feel bad for the kids, but gosh, I REALLY don’t want to open up that can of worms again.
I feel guilty for not being all sisterly and helping her in her time of need, but at the same time, I just don’t like her and don’t want to be used again. AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent After My Roommate Got The Government To Cover It For Us?
“So a couple of weeks ago my roommate told me she applied for a rental assistance program and that she put down that I live with her and the entire amount of the rent in the application (so both her and my portion).
She also failed to report my income. She ended up getting approved and told me that the program would be directly paying for the apartment so she would not see a cent of that money.
She told me all of this AFTER she got approved. So I had no say in the matter when she applied. Then she asked me to pay her for my half of the rent.
I said are you reimbursing the program for my portion of the rent? She said no. I said then why would I give you that money? Then I would just be paying you… She said ‘Ohh you’re right. Well, you’re welcome.’
Fast forward to yesterday and she tells me that I need to start paying her my portion of the rent because she was ‘awarded’ the funds and she needs to stand up for herself and not be taken advantage of.
I told her that’s not fair considering she claimed my half of the expense as her own to get it subsidized by the government and is now trying to pocket extra funds from me.
The purpose of the rental assistance program is to help with funds, not provide her with another source of income for free.
She is essentially trying to act as the middleman and have my rent covered by the government without my consent so that she can then pocket my funds. I am refusing to participate in this as I believe paying her is not only completely unfair to me but that would also make me complicit in her defrauding the government.
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Waiting To Donate To The School After I Found Out They Needed Help?
“I received a notification 4 days ago that my daughter’s school trip was in danger of being canceled as not enough parents had forked out the funds to pay for the trip. I don’t exactly live in an affluent neighborhood & it’s actually considered one of the more deprived areas in the UK.
Add in the cost of living crisis & most people struggling with just daily living I thought this might happen. I tried to dampen my daughter’s excitement over the trip explaining it may not go ahead but at 7 years old the reality of finances isn’t really her forte.
Despite the regular £1 money box Sundays.
Combining my daughter’s excitement over the trip & my memory of what it’s like to be that kid that wants to go on a trip but my parents not being able to afford it, I set about trying to find out what the shortfall was.
I sent off a couple of messages but got no response. So I factored in 30 kids to a class with 2 classes going. Perhaps only half the parents might be able to afford the £15, perhaps less given the catchment area. I’m not rich but I do make sure to put some amount aside each month.
I took £400 out of my rainy day pot, popped it in an envelope, and wrote on the front what it was for. Then handed it over to a teacher at the gate yesterday morning. With a note inside saying to send a notification via the school app if it wasn’t enough to cover the shortfall & I’d attempt to cover the outstanding amount.
If however, I’d given too much then use any amount remaining to put towards their next charity fundraiser, school trip, Summer Fair, etc.
Now other parents are angry that (the mystery donor AKA me) didn’t come forward with the funds sooner. With some going as far as saying if they’d known someone else was going to front a large portion of the fees they would have held off paying so their kid could go for free or could have gotten away with paying less.
This makes me reluctant to do this sort of thing again. Should I have fronted up the funds sooner? Given that I don’t know how much the shortfall was?
So now my goodwill, feel-good gesture has left me feeling rather sour & miffed.”
22. AITJ For Only Paying For Our Food?
“I (30F) and my husband (33M) have recently traveled abroad to stay with my family in my home country. We plan on being here for a few months since we were unable to travel in 2020, and we now have a baby.
Prior to moving away from home, and when our financial standing was better, we would often foot the bill if we went out with our friends no questions asked. The expectation wasn’t that the friends had to do it the next time, but just that we wanted to show we loved that they spent time with us.
Of course, with the global crisis and the general state of the world and economy, our finances haven’t been great. We used a chunk of our savings to travel to my home country, and have been budgeting our expenses.
A close friend of mine took us out to a restaurant recently.
It wasn’t too fancy, but my husband and I decided to not spend too much and share some of the meals to save some money for our portion. I even informed my friend beforehand that our finances weren’t great, but we’re looking forward to spending time with her (30F) and her partner (31M).
We ended up having a really great night and really enjoyed ourselves. However, when it came to paying the bill, my friend pushed the bill over to us and signaled to the waiter that we’d be paying. This was odd. My husband and I ordered about $60 worth of food that we shared, whereas their combined bill was well into the $100s.
I told the waiter our portion, plus taxes and tips, and paid with my card, then waited for my friend to pay. She and her partner looked surprised. Her partner begrudgingly took out his wallet and paid their share.
The rest of the night was weird because there was this huge tension in the air.
When we got home, I got a text from my friend about how I was a jerk for the stunt I pulled at the restaurant. I was really shocked because it seemed like she and her partner sprung the bill on us knowing full well about our financial struggles.
We didn’t expect her to pay for us, we paid our portion, which seemed fair. I texted all this to her, and she basically said that it was meant to be like ‘old times’. I told her that was weird and unfair to expect that of us, especially because we’re the ones visiting.
She hasn’t replied since.
AITJ for paying my own bill?”
21. WIBTJ If I Insist On Getting A Refund For My Daughter's Girl Scout Trip?
“My (29F) daughter (8) went on a three-day, two-night camping trip 5 hours away with her girl scout troop. This was not her first time away for an extended time, she’s been away to sleepaway camp & always bemoans when it’s time to come home.
She is homeschooled, so her troop has been an outlet for making friends and she has very clearly loved being a Girl Scout for the last 1.5 yrs. However, I can see that this group of 17 girls is quite cliquey; many of the girls are in the same class at school, live in the same neighborhoods, etc, so naturally, there are some core friendship groups.
My kid is easy going & I THOUGHT she was getting along with everyone (invited to bdays & playdates) but just hadn’t found a ‘bestie’ or someone she really got along with.
Fast forward to picking her up from this camping trip last night; they’re 4 hours later than they said they’d be, with ONE text for communication (sent at the original ETA).
Fine. I go get my kid when it’s time, immediately I see that she is sick. Pale, fatigued, clammy. They tell me she woke up THE FIRST MORNING feeling like garbage, she slept any chance she could, & missed out on basically everything but their trip to the zoo, where she was also apparently falling asleep.
No communication of this to me from any of the 5 moms that are there chaperoning.
So now. She is/was due to leave tomorrow morning at 9 am for her highlight of the summer, a week-long Girl Scout sleepaway camp. She doesn’t want to go, obviously.
She’s sick. It’s too late to get the $400 refunded & there isn’t enough time to get her spot filled by a waitlisted.
THEN my daughter tells me: during this trip, they hardly checked on her, wouldn’t let her call me because then ‘everyone would want to call their mom,’ & didn’t intervene when the other girls kept her from being able to sleep/kept waking her up to ‘mess with her’ (they had 5 cabins together).
She felt left out, lonely, & like nobody cared about her. She’s dreading scouts now. I got a text from her troop leader this afternoon saying she hopes she has fun at camp & to post a photo… that’s it.
WIBTJ for pushing for a refund to this other girl scout camp?
If I do that, I’ll have to explain why I couldn’t cancel earlier & I will very obviously be playing a blame game. I just am not sure if I’m being overprotective + irritated with the way everything played out, or if this is just one of those crappy life lessons that being sick sucks.”
20. AITJ For Not Including My Niece On Our Family Trip?
“I’m an exchange student mama. I’ll call my exchange student ‘Cathy’. Cathy is from Rome and absolutely loved it when she came here to the US.
When we met her Cathy had a lot of body image and internal misogyny issues, and has told us many times how ‘freeing’ it felt to live in the US. We all cried when she left me, my wife, and our only kid ‘Chloe’ (we went through a donor).
By the end of the year Chloe and Cathy referred to each other as sisters and texted almost every day Cathy was back in Rome.
When Cathy turned eighteen she asked my wife and me if she could live with us in the States and we immediately agreed. With all of that being said our first family trip since Cathy moving here is coming up.
Because Chloe was an only child most family trips we took we also took my niece ‘Becca’ (20F) who is a year older so Chloe could have someone her age with her on the trip.
Well, our most recent family trip is coming up and my niece Becca called to ask when she was going to receive her ticket information.
We’re going on a cruise. I told her I didn’t know she wanted to go (we haven’t taken a family trip since 2020) and didn’t have a ticket for her. She told me she just assumed we would include her since that’s how it went mostly when the kids were growing up and she didn’t realize she would have to call me and ask about it.
She was very upset and the phone call ended with me apologizing for not thinking that through. When she found out Cathy was going and we had gotten a ticket for her she went ballistic and everyone in my family called to call me a jerk, for including Cathy but not my niece.
They all said that it was jerkish of me to stop thinking of including my niece on the family trips, now that Cathy is here. The truth is if Cathy wasn’t here I would’ve called Becca to see if she wanted to go so that Chloe could have a friend for the trip, and not third wheel her mom and me.
I honestly forgot to include Becca because Chloe already had Cathy.
I felt extremely bad for how poorly the situation was handled on my end and called the crew to inform me if someone cancels last minute because I would buy that ticket. Well, luckily someone did and I purchased the ticket.
I called Chloe immediately to tell her the good news and she told me not to invite Becca.
Becca had been harassing Cathy ever since the trip drama and had gotten her friends to do it too on social media. I didn’t know because I only use one social medium and they were doing it on other platforms. Cathy didn’t want to tell me to avoid further drama and got Chloe to agree.
Too bad I had already texted Becca and when she called me I told her she couldn’t come anymore and told her the reason why. My sister and half the family are mad at me for this call, the other half agree. My sister says that’s just girls being girls and they’ll work it out on the trip, and I caused the issue in the first place so it’s my job to fix it.
I just came on here to get an unbiased opinion because I’ve got no peace since making this call.”
19. AITJ For Holding A Grudge Against My Parents For Renting Out Our Yard To Someone Else On My Birthday?
“Today we are celebrating my (24m) mom and sister’s birthdays, which land next to each other. As well as Mother’s Day, which is today. Well, they are celebrating. I’m upstairs alone and on my phone, still upset over what happened on my last birthday.
My birthday lands between New Year and Christmas, so the celebration has always been a sort of afterthought. I remember one or two parties as a child, but even those are rare, exclusively family affairs. I’ve never had a birthday with friends, cause I lived too far away from school and the date is very difficult.
Well, last year, my birthday landed on an especially awkward day and my mom told me that she had rented our yard for another activity. I was hurt by that but figured that we’d perhaps get some cake on the weekend right before like we sometimes do.
But no, it wasn’t even brought up. Then the day came, and as I was asked to help with the setup for the event I came to learn what it actually was. A birthday party… for someone else. For some old geezer I don’t know that is family with a friend of my mom.
She rented out my birthday.
I had to help set it up and move my computer to my room to work from home so their noise wouldn’t distract me as I worked. Even being called on the phone to help order stuff when they ran out of beer or ice or some other stuff.
In the end, after I had to listen to them singing happy birthday and cutting the cake as I worked alone in my room, distracted all day by the sounds of a party I had never gotten in all my life, I actually had to take a mental break so I could cry and let it out.
I was furious with them for this. And I blew up at my mom, I mean it’s one thing to not celebrate, it’s another to basically lock me up in my room and hear them celebrate all day long. When I confronted them about it, my dad said that he had also been upset at my mom for doing this, but she said she had already given her word about it and apparently had been planning a better celebration with extended family for me and another girl to share the date.
It calmed me a bit then, but thinking back it still isn’t fair! Why do I always have to either skip my birthday or share it with someone or something else? Not that it mattered, some people got sick and it ended up not happening.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I already gave my mom and sister their gifts, and I’ve been upstairs as everyone celebrates. My dad even came to berate me for remaining upstairs, but I refuse. I’m just still so mad! The only gift I got was from a friend after he saw how upset I was!
I’m basically upstairs sulking, and planning to let them know exactly why as soon as their festivities are over. Hearing my dad talk about how he had planned a small surprise for my sister and my mom when I got so screwed over my birthday just made it all worse as well.
So anyways, AITJ for still being angry at them, and WIBTJ if I confront them about this after their party?”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Granddaughter On My Trip?
“I (39M) was a teen dad at 16 to my daughter ‘Gabby’ (23F). Her mom and I’s family convinced us to get married for the sake of her. We got married and had another child (20M).
I divorced my children’s mom when she had an affair and got pregnant.
Gabby herself became a teen mom at 17 and had my granddaughter ‘Emily’ (6F). Gabby’s mom threw her out I immediately took her in. The dad’s family wasn’t much help so I took care of nearly everything.
My wife (34F) Lauren even watched Emily while Gabby finished school.
When Gabby hit college she at first started leaving Emily with us 3 days a week for 3 hours. Lauren and I didn’t mind at first because we took into consideration that it was her first year of college.
It then slowly escalated to 5 days a week for 8 hours. I immediately shut it down because my wife was pregnant at the time. Gabby apologized and didn’t bring Emily around for a while. When my son was born Gabby started this nonsense again. After two weeks I told Gabby this has to stop.
She stopped and sent her mom after us.
Recently Gabby met a new guy. She slowly started doing this again. When I confronted her she said her new partner doesn’t like kids. When I asked her why in the world is she with a child-free man she stated she just fell in love.
I told her it’s very unrealistic but Gabby believes he’ll eventually love and accept Emily as his own.
Now onto the problem: my wife and I had a daughter during the ‘you know what’. Her parents haven’t been able to see the baby yet (they are from South Korea).
We decided this summer to go and visit her family. When Gabby was over yesterday she asked me if I can take Emily for two weeks in mid-June. I reminded Gabby that I leave on June 1 and won’t be home for a month. She then tells me that’s fine.
When I asked her what she meant she then told me that she’ll happily pay to send Emily to South Korea with us for the summer. I immediately said no. I told Gabby we planned to spend this time with Lauren’s family. She then drops on me, ‘You don’t get a vacation from being a grandpa.’ Not my best moment but I shot back with ‘And you don’t get a vacation from being a mom.’ She got mad and started ranting about how I’m a bad grandpa and that I should be happy to take Emily.
When I asked her where she was going that was so important – Disney World… She said her partner’s family wants to make this a family-only vacation and that Emily isn’t allowed because she isn’t b***d. She then took Emily and stormed off. She sent her mom after me again and when I said ‘She’s your granddaughter too.
You can take her for those two weeks.’ She replied with, ‘but Emily is closer to you.’ My son said he doesn’t agree with his mom and sister but said that Emily came to his apartment today crying. She was crying that I didn’t love her and only care about my kids.
It broke my heart and I feel bad. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Telling The Entire Family About My Cousin's Secret Illegitimate Child?
“At a family dinner this weekend, my daughter (17) announced that she had been accepted into one of the best colleges on our side of the country.
We are all very proud, but attending means moving many hours away and she is questioning if that is something she wants as our family is really close and many of her friends are attending a local university in our city.
My cousin (37M) began making subtle jabs about her attending such a great school, saying/muttering things like ‘Of course her mom would push her to go, she has to be the best’ and then the next minute to my husband ‘You know she doesn’t have to pretend it is because of family.
If you can’t afford it, college isn’t for everybody’. To say my husband and I were blindsided by his behavior. I have always had a great relationship with my cousin. His fiance (34F) was mortified and kept quietly telling him to shut up and would apologize for his behavior, claiming he was stressed with work.
This went on for almost 3 hours, getting louder the more he drank. After dinner, I tried to pull him into the kitchen and asked what is going on. Not only was he being a jerk to me, he completely ruined my daughter’s announcement. His response ‘You act like you are the parent of the year.
What because your kid got into college? Nobody cares, get off your high horse already.’
In a moment of pure rage I got in his face and responded with ‘Well at least I will see my oldest off to college, do you even know where yours is?’ He just stared at me as if he was going to kill me.
My husband rushed in and told me everyone could hear us.
In my moment of rage, I revealed to not only his fiance but our entire family that he had a child. I am the only one who knew this as it was a relative to one of my friends in college.
The girl moved back with her family to her home state. I occasionally see pictures of her kid (16M) on her social media but have never asked him about it and honestly assume he didn’t know anybody knew. He was going through a bad party phase in college and nobody blamed the girl for leaving.
That being said, he absolutely could look her up and see his son in 10 seconds. His fiance kept asking what kid and he began yelling at her, my husband, and myself. She grabbed her things and their 5-year-old and left. The evening ended with everyone yelling at him and storming out.
His fiance called me the next evening to tell me that at this point the wedding is off and she is staying with a friend for a while. I apologized profusely, but she said it wasn’t the child, everything involving the situation made her see him differently now.
The whole family is livid with my cousin for hiding this. I know I was wrong to let it slip out, it was 100% a moment of anger on my part, but I also don’t feel that I owe him an apology after everything, especially how he talked to my daughter.”
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepsister For Destroying A Wooden Figurine My Late Dad Gave To Me?
“I (19f) have a stepsister – Holly (19f). My dad and her mum got together when we were 10. I instantly got along with my stepmother and I consider her my mother (my ‘real’ mother isn’t in the picture).
Holly didn’t get along with my dad, or myself. I never pushed, but it sucked. When we both turned 13, my dad got us each one of those wooden figurines. I loved it, Holly not so much. I don’t want to sound like a complete jerk, but I feel like Holly was jealous that I got along with her mother so well.
For context, both our other parents left when we were young. In my case, it was my mother and in Holly’s case, it was her father.
My dad died in Jan 2022 and the whole family is feeling it. It ‘came out’ 2 weeks ago that my dad wasn’t the nicest person to Holly which is why she was so cold to him.
Nothing insane, but little jabs here or there. (ex: ‘Oh you’re having another brownie?’, ‘Be nice to your sister (me) otherwise, you’ll get hairy arms like me’ (dad’s hairy arms))
I 100% do not agree with how my father treated Holly (which again, I found out whilst grieving his untimely death) but Holly has now taken it to ‘rid his presence’ from the house.
Her mother is absolutely not on her side with this as they moved into OUR house, so the majority of stuff is his. Note: I know it’s their house now too but like I said, the majority of stuff was bought by my dad so it would be economically impossible for Mum to ‘rid his presence’.
The issue is this: There’s this trend on TikTok where kids destroy ‘family’ gifts given to them by toxic family members and Holly took a hammer to her wooden figure. Fine, but she also destroyed mine. When I found out I lost it. It turned into a huge argument between us and I ended up yelling ‘Honestly, Holly, I don’t care how he treated you.
You’re a jerk and an absolutely horrible person to be around.’
She broke down and ended up locking herself in her room. Mom is in the middle of the situation, too. But she told me that what I said wasn’t ok and that I need to ‘cut Holly some slack’.
AITJ?
ETA: My dad would say the same things to me. I only said I don’t agree with it (him jabbing Holly) because we were super close and he and Holly were less so.”
15. AITJ For Translating My Friend's Messages?
“So I (17f) am Canadian. Since the beginning of the semester, there are two new exchange students from Germany at my school and we get along really well. We and another Canadian girl from my school have created a group chat and the four of us often chat there in the evening.
They speak English really well, but I don’t speak German at all. The other girl from Canada speaks a little bit of German since she learns it in school. While we are generally speaking English in the group chat, they are often just switching to German and completely ignore us when we are telling them to speak English in the group chat.
While the other girl knows basic German, she also can’t understand their complex language and said it annoys her as well that they can’t just go to a private chat. They even often mention my name in their German messages and then I know they are talking about me, but I don’t know what they are saying.
But whenever I ask them they don’t wanna tell and the other girl also doesn’t understand enough most of the time to translate.
So the other day when we were chatting and they suddenly switched to German, I got kinda curious and took screenshots of some messages, especially those including my name.
After the conversation was over, I typed the messages into a translator just to see what they were talking about. They talked a lot about basic stuff like school, upcoming exams, etc, but also indeed a lot about me. That one girl basically told the other about things I did in the past and stuff like that that I’ve told her in private before.
A couple of days later I decided to confront her about it and I asked her why she told her all that stuff, especially behind my back and she got pretty mad at me. She said my translating the messages was an invasion of her privacy because since the messages are in German, they were obviously not addressed to me and I should never have read them and that I should have known to not translate and read those messages.
She also said that it’s unfair that I am expecting them to speak English all the time in our group chat just because it’s my mother language, even though German is hers, and that I should put effort into learning German if I want to understand them since they already speak English so much and that I should make a compromise.
I am just genuinely wondering, AITJ for having translated the messages?”
14. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Refill The Gas She Uses In My Truck?
“My (33M) sister (30F) asked me if she could borrow my pick-up truck one evening to go get a piece of furniture our parents are giving her and her husband.
I said absolutely, no problem – just let me know when and you can have the keys. I hardly use my truck anymore due to rising gas prices so no biggie. All I asked was to please put however much gas you use back in the truck when you return it.
(It’d be like $10).
At first, she said that’s fine, then she said never mind, they’ll use one of the friends’ trucks. Ok, whatever, it’s here if you need it.
Till tonight… I get a phone call from our mother about how much of a jerk I am to not just help family out and be so selfish to ask her to refill the gas she uses.
I was taken aback. She said you’re always supposed to help family and never ask for anything in return. Clearly picking favorites, she goes on about how my sister is ALWAYS there for me and that she NEVER asks anything from me. I questioned her on how she knows I ‘never’ do anything for my sister, and she said, ‘Oh, I don’t know, but she does a lot for you.’
To clarify – Does my sister do stuff for us? (Me, my wife, and kids)… Uhhhh? Sure? I would say we both help each other out in times of need as I would expect siblings to, but I wouldn’t say she moves mountains for us.
For example, my mother claims she is ‘always’ watching our kids for us – she maybe watched our kids twice in the last year.
My mother as she claimed would never expect any of her siblings to give her something in return if she were to do a favor.
I finished the conversation with, ‘If your brother let you use his car and you returned it to him without having the decency of at least refilling the gas you used, then you’re wrong’. I got worked up to the point our youngest started crying from bed, so that’s where the conversation ended.
So my question is – AITJ for asking my sister to refill the gas she uses in my truck?
Edit: I WANT TO CLARIFY:
The couple of times they watched our kids (not all of them) were primarily from the kids begging to hang out with them.
It was by no means a reprieve for us to get out of the house together or something like that.
Also as I said, we help each other out. I did the engagement photos for free, I edited their wedding photos for free, and I designed graphics for their wedding, for free.
All things that would end up costing hundreds of dollars if they paid someone. We invite them on our boat in the summer and all we ask is they have a good time… etc. We’re siblings, we do things for each other – usually with no thought of compensation.”
13. AITJ For Not Repaying My Parents The Funds They Spent On My Nursing Degree?
“My family has been healthcare workers since my great grandparents and most have been nurses or doctors. My uncle and dad are doctors and my mom is an X-ray tech. My parents wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and told me they would only be paying for my degree if I went into healthcare.
I don’t have the energy to spend 8 more years in school so I studied to be a nurse. I felt even during my studies that I wasn’t cut out for it. I liked the material and I liked studying medicine but I hated dealing with people.
My ideal job is somewhere nice and quiet where I just work. But I finished because I hoped I would grow to like nursing which might have happened if it were not for the global crisis. We were given the go-ahead to do what nurses with a decade of experience were supposed to be supervising us on.
We were expected to operate with little help since no one was available and I constantly feared making a mistake.
All the senior nurses were leaving and it was so short staffed I started developing panic attacks during my shifts. I would go into my break room and try to calm down but couldn’t.
I never had a single mental health problem until then and after 8 months concluded it just wasn’t for me.
I told my parents who were furious because they had spent over 50k on my education and demanded I pay them back. I told them I got a nursing degree and worked as a nurse as they wanted so now I was going to do my own thing.
Technically we never discussed how long I was expected to work as a nurse to fulfill their agreement but I’m sure they saw it as a lifelong career for me.
I’m working as a travel nurse now so I only need to take shifts occasionally so I can still have my mental health but I’ve enrolled back at university for IT so I can find a job I can actually live with.
Thankfully I saved some funds but I plan to use it to pay tuition for my new degree. My parents have kicked me out and refuse to talk to me until I repay the tuition fund they spent on my nursing degree.”
12. AITJ For Planning On Moving Out Of The House While Everyone Is Out?
“So my dad asked me to move in with him and my stepmom a few months ago. I’m (18M) in college full time and working part-time and was previously living with my aunt and uncle who raised me.
When I first moved in it seemed like a good deal, he wanted me to focus on my school and saving up for my future so I agreed and was happy. When he first asked me I offered to pay a couple of the utility bills but he and my stepmom refused and said that because I’m their kid, there was no need.
Now in the months I’ve lived there, it’s been horrible. I’m consistently ridiculed and criticized for everything I do and I have to walk on eggshells to exist semi-peacefully around them, and my stepbrother (17M) who is nearly my same age doesn’t face anywhere near the level of criticism I face.
For example, I cleaned the bathroom but apparently didn’t do a well enough job, and it caused an all-day argument where I was insulted and criticized whenever I left my room and told how lazy and disgusting I was. This is honestly mild compared to other things they’ve done, but I won’t get into it now.
My aunt and uncle have been offering me to move back in with them for months, but I told them it was fine and I would work it out.
Last month, my dad and stepmom sat me down and told me I would be paying rent.
The rent they charged is over half my monthly paycheck, and I still have to pay for food, school, gas, and my car stuff. When I brought this up their response was ‘Just work more’ even though I’m in college full-time and they know I struggle with mental illness as it is.
With paying this rent + all my other expenses, I have zero ability to build up any kind of savings or have any spare funds in case of emergency (in the event of anything medical, I also have to pay my copays or anything my insurance doesn’t cover).
I finally took my aunt and uncle up on their offer to move back in, and I think I might be the jerk because I’m planning on doing it unannounced while everyone is at work. In a normal situation, I would’ve given the heads up so they know but I’m honestly scared for their reaction as these last months have shown me how emotionally abusive and manipulative they are.
Living here has been so stressful it’s been causing excessive hair loss, my insomnia is worse than it ever has been, and my mental illness is worse than it has been since I was 14.
All of my friends have been encouraging me to leave, but what I’m worried about is that my dad and stepmom are very outspoken about how much they dislike my aunt and uncle, and have tried to turn me against them.
It hasn’t worked but I’m very scared of how they will judge me and how they will describe the situation to the people in THEIR life.
I’ve already paid this month’s rent because it was super short notice, and paying it made me realize I for SURE can’t afford it every month.”
11. AITJ For Defending My Brother From Our Other Brother's Rudeness?
“My father (54M) had an affair while he was with my mother (50F) and that affair resulted in my brother, let’s call him Dan (currently 13M) and there was always a rumor among my family that Dan’s mother was a gold digger and that Dan was a way to get money from my father.
My parents split up and my dad stayed with Dan’s mom for 7 years and then they split up too. Since then, my father almost never sees Dan by choice over an old argument.
I love Dan. He is by far my favorite brother and it’s been like 3-4 years since we’ve had a unique bond.
I feel like he feels lonely and sometimes I bring him home to see my brothers (at his request) if I feel close to the other family. My brothers don’t care about him, but Dan loves them and has that childlike innocence.
On the other hand, my brother (27M) (I’ll call him Henry) has been trying for several years to pass the entrance exam for medical school (9 exactly) and he only studies, doesn’t work, and helps out at home.
And he definitely hates Dan for being the one who ruined my parents’ marriage.
A month ago, Dan was at home while I was getting ready to go to the movies just us, and he went to try to talk to Henry. He went to play a game like kids his age and my brother lost his patience and yelled at Dan saying ‘Listen here, the result of a marriage for money, be quiet’.
Dan became quiet and just asked me to leave. On the way, I made it very clear that he is one of the most important things in my life and that what my brother said was not true.
When I got back to the house, I freaked out at Henry and he just replied ‘Dan should hear the truth once in his life and he was making me crazy’ and I said ‘I never said that you’re the useless one who only studies and doesn’t do anything in the house and you can’t even pass the medical entrance exam.
Why? Not every truth needs to be told because it hurts.’ He was quiet and went to his room.
My mom came to talk to me saying I was a jerk for saying that and I should apologize.
He destroyed my brother, for real, Dan is going to therapy because he was crying all night that day and I think it was well deserved.
Was I a jerk?
Extra: Dan didn’t know his backstory.”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Ask For A Reversal Of Contract At My Job?
“I’m a market researcher. The job requires a decent amount of travel to secure and maintain accounts and near-constant analysis/reading of primary and secondary research.
My firm is pretty cool in the ‘do it, I don’t care how’ sense. I started with Ana, and it was obvious we were complementary. Ana is a hard INTP who thinks Michael Burry’s office in The Big Short is a dream (leave her totally alone in a dark office with 3 monitors) and an avid researcher.
I’m very ENFP and can talk anyone into anything but can’t do research as efficiently as Ana.
We asked to be partners and were given a 1-year trial run. Ana did the bulk of the research and consolidated it for me to pitch and take the overseas trips (few but longer).
I did the majority of ***********, hand-shaking, trouble-shooting, crisis aversion, meetings that could have been an email, and short travel (usually 1-2 days trips every 2 weeks or so). We did so ****** well they let us stay paired, gave us raises, our private office and it’s been that way for 7 years.
We even managed ok during the global crisis.
Ana and I made equal money and split the commissions of bringing in a new account 50/50. One thing that benefitted my wife: the yearly conference trips. Essentially a company holiday with work in the mornings to justify to trip.
People do invite their spouses but have to pay for all extras obviously, however, as Ana doesn’t like that trip, my wife has gotten her business class seat and trip perks. My firm is ok with this, by the way.
Recently my wife asked questions about work division and salary.
I answered and she got angrier and angrier. She said Ana was ripping me off and pushing all the work to me, while she didn’t have to make sacrifices. Her main issue was with my travel obligations and lack of commissions. After long talks and discussions about what changing workloads might mean, I asked Ana and our superior to revise the contract.
Neither Ana nor I were thrilled. It dissolved the partnership as travel/research were the only levers to pull, and my wife wanted less travel and full commission. It’s been hard, I spent much more time in the office prepping for accounts, mixing research and pitches was tough and I lost what should have been easy pay.
My wife started getting mad as my job kept me away more than before.
2022, the company trip was confirmed. Now solo, Ana HAS to join, so my wife would not have access to her seat or resort perks.
She was bitter for a week and then broke down and said she wants me to go back to the original agreement, this isn’t working.
More time away, more stress, less money.
I want to wait for at least 18 months before changing it. I cannot ask for a reversal less than 5 months after making changes. It would lose me the respect of my bosses who know I only changed to suit my wife, and I’m doing so poorly I’m afraid it’ll look like I can’t work without Ana.
AITJ if I told my wife to wait it out?”
9. AITJ For Telling Someone Not To Let Her Son Watch Movies With Dinosaurs?
“I live in a basement apartment with my husband and our dog who as well as being a service animal, loves kids and is very mild-mannered. We have been having issues with our upstairs neighbors since November in regard to loud stomping, furniture being slammed, and loud screaming.
I have been up to talk to them about it several times and last night I reached my breaking point.
I went upstairs to ask them to please stop stomping as my husband works early morning and was trying to sleep for work. When she opened the door I could see that the small two-bedroom apartment had no less than six adults and four kids inside of it.
I calmly asked them to stop the stomping and since this is the third time I have had to ask in the last four months, the next time it got this bad I would be lodging a complaint with the property management company.
My neighbor had a friend over who has a 3-year-old who is on the spectrum and was the one stomping the hardest and causing the most amount of noise.
Her friend gets a sour look on her face and started chirping at me from across the room.
Friend: You live in a basement apartment and he has autism, what do you expect me to do there is going to be some noise.
Me: Ok, I get that I live in the basement but stomping until picture frames fall off my walls is a different story.
Friend: Well he has autism, what do you expect me to do?
Me: Put some slippers on him, or maybe secure some pillows to his feet. If he absolutely has to stomp his feet let him lay on the sofa and kick the back of it or let him kick the wall if it needs to be something hard.
Friend: (exasperated sigh) Well he likes dinosaurs and he gets excited when he sees them and when he gets excited he stomps his feet.
Me: Then don’t show him a movie with dinosaurs.
Friend: (another snort) You just don’t get it, he has autism.
Me: No, I get it, I worked with kids with needs for three years.
I worked with a kid who loved to stomp and when he needed to I would wrap his feet in foam and let him go to town on a sound-dampening mat I picked up for him to stomp on.
Friend: Oh. Well, I guess he can quiet it down a bit.
AITJ in this situation? I never raised my voice, swore, or told her she wasn’t parenting her child correctly. I feel like I handled myself in a professional and adult manner but I could be mistaken.”
8. AITJ For Proving To My Significant Other That He Can Take A Dump Without Having To Smoke?
“I (20F) recently moved in with my significant other (23M).
We have been together for three months and although moving in seems quick, both of us needed to find roommates and figured it would just be better to stay together.
My SO is a lovely person and we get along very well, however, I HATE that he smokes.
It is a terrible habit and although he isn’t a chain smoker, he does smoke 3-4 times a day. I knew about his smoking before I went out with him. He said that although he won’t quit, he would not smoke around me. Now that we live together, it has become inevitable.
He does not smoke indoors, only on the balcony. The house doesn’t really smell of smoke and he tries to eat gum or mouthwash before he kisses me or comes near me. But I can still smell it on him, all the time. So, he agreed to never smoke in the house except for one smoke in the morning with coffee, in his words ‘to get the bowels moving’.
I was okay with it, but I still think it is stupid to need to smoke to ****.
Mind you, he HAS to **** in the morning. He says he feels very heavy if he doesn’t, I say that he doesn’t need to smoke to ****, and he argued that this is the one thing he requested. He even brought up the fact that he agreed to take medications for his cat allergy to accommodate my cat, so I should make one little adjustment for him since he smokes on the balcony and leaves for work immediately after a **** to avoid the smell lingering.
He says that he has had this routine for 5 years and needs it.
So, to show him that he can in fact ****, I hid his pack. He spent 15 mins searching for it. I guess all the walking around prompted some bowel motions and he did in fact ****… just as I told him he would.
I triumphantly told him what I did and said ‘See?! You can ****!’
He got really quiet and left for work. When he came back, he was very mad at me. He says that what I did was immature and it hurts him that I would go this far to prove a point when all he asked me for was THIS ONE THING and I agreed and went back.
He’s considering breaking up over this.
So, AITJ for doing this? I think I was just trying to show him that he can do his stuff without smoking.”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay With My Mom And Her New Partner?
“My (16F) parents announced that they wanted to divorce. It came pretty out of nowhere. They told me that I would stay with my mother, but they would be happy to hear about and consider my feelings and questions.
Originally, I was okay with this situation, but pretty soon before they could even sort out the divorce papers, my mother began to see other men.
I mean only one week after they announced it to me, she already had a new man, but she insisted that previously she didn’t have an affair.
I met with this new man once for dinner, and after two months of their divorce announcement (the official divorce hasn’t happened yet) my father found a new flat to live in and my mother wanted to bring her new partner right that minute to live with us.
This is where I wasn’t okay with things anymore. I didn’t want to live with a practically unknown stranger man so soon.
I would have been okay with a compromise, like waiting one more month and getting to know him a little bit better or something like that, and I told my mom that I felt that it was a little bit too soon for me to live with a new stranger.
She went ballistic on me. She wouldn’t listen to anything I said to her. I got quite desperate and broke down crying. Later, I talked with my father about the situation and he agreed to take me. Because of what I’ve done, my mother lost her entire livelihood in that town, and she went away to another part of the country to work.
She took it quite hard and had mental problems too. My grandmother told me that I ruined the life of my mother.
So AITJ?”
Edit: I chose to stay with my father, so she consequently lost the flat that she could have stayed at together with me.
She didn’t have a good salary, so she had to take a job, which took her to the other part of the country. She didn’t have good living accommodations there and she got mental issues too during it.”
6. AITJ For Removing The Stuff I Put In My Room When My Parents Asked Me To Move Out?
“I (25F) live with my parents (50F and 55M) because it is very close to my service and it is a very expensive area.
I can currently live alone, but I didn’t because I never needed to and my parents didn’t ask.
As time went on and I earned more, I put in air conditioning, made my room smart, as well as the house (Alexa), put a very good shower in the guest bathroom (which I eventually added to my bedroom), I bought quality furniture for my room, etc. My room turned out to be the best in the house because of the changes I made.
And yes, I paid rent to my parents.
It’s been 3 months since they came to talk to me, saying it was time for me to move out because they wanted to have their time alone now and I was able to live on my own.
I agreed, after all, I was just living there for ease and convenience.
I found a house and I would need to make all the changes I planned, so in order not to have to buy it when I have it, I replaced all the sockets/bulbs/switches (smart) and the shower with common ones (I paid for them all and this increase in energy I paid too).
I also removed the air conditioner and paid to plug the hole it leaves. Besides of course all the furniture in my room and Alexas scattered around the house.
My parents started complaining that I shouldn’t take everything out, as they were in common use.
They were planning to move their room to mine and with these changes, I made my room worse and the house in general too (it’s just not smart, everything I bought was quality).
I said that they asked me to move and I’m taking everything I bought, because I had other expenses (I made a payment on the house) and these items were all bought by me and all the increase in energy I had was paid only by me too.
And that if they wanted to buy, I can help search online, but I would take these items.
They called me selfish because I made the house worse and removed the items in common use, as they were already used to the smart home. They complained even more when I didn’t want to leave the 65′ Smart TV in my room as a gift for them (I didn’t leave it because it’s new and it was too expensive).
I moved a week ago, but they’re still upset.
All items are brand new (most are less than 1 year old).
AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Telling On My Son-In-Law To His Own Parents?
“My (60+, f) daughter (f 33) and her husband (m 39) have been married for almost 9 years and were together for 5 years before that. We had weekly Sunday night dinners together and took family vacations. He liked us and we loved him.
A month after their wedding, they moved over 700 miles away and we were limited to infrequent holiday visits when my husband and I would have a Monday off from work.
When my daughter was pregnant with their first child, I hated that I had to miss helping her through everything because my son-in-law didn’t know how to handle my daughter being less than on top of her game because she ran their household. I was with them for the birth and my husband drove in to help them move into their new house.
We were happy to be there for their first step into this new chapter of their life.
Before we left, I wrote my son-in-law a note with a plea to help my daughter more and some tips for a new father. My daughter confided that he was… less than pleased that I didn’t think he could figure things out on his own without my help.
Years passed and they finally moved back to our home state, where day trips to visit were possible. Our second grandchild was born and son-in-law decided to be a stay-at-home dad. My daughter was working a menial tech support job with as much overtime as she could handle because he’d been laid off and refused to consider a profession outside of what he’d been doing for the last 20 years to support their family.
We came to realize that his definition of stay-at-home dad meant putting the oldest on the school bus, putting the toddler in a highchair, while he went back to sleep or played computer games until my daughter came home to take over. No housework was done and more than once they fought because he thought his wife should be doing it.
She did not agree.
When I came to babysit one weekend, I wanted to help get her out from under the mountain of housework that wasn’t being done while she was working and found bank statements (they’ve never had a joint account). The little bit that my son-in-law was making from a side gig was being spent at the liquor store and, based on the time stamps of the charges, he was leaving at least one kid alone to get his fix.
I worried about my daughter and the safety of my grandchildren, but I knew better now than to confront my son-in-law directly. Instead, I contacted his parents and told them what I’d learned and asked for help in getting their son to straighten up.
Rather than help me, they called their son and enflamed our conversation.
That night my daughter called me and asked how dare I go through their mail, contact her in-laws, and accuse her husband of being a drinking addict and neglectful parent. I tried to point out that she doesn’t know what goes on at their house while she’s working so many hours, which didn’t help.
Now she barely talks to me when we used to have daily phone conversations. I feel I was justified. WIBTJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son And Niece To Celebrate Their Birthdays Together?
“My husband (33) and I (29) have 2 boys (4, 2) and I’m pregnant. My brother T (35) has a daughter (6) and he has joint custody meaning 3-4 days a week and my niece (N) is with him and his fiancée every other weekend. My brother is getting married the day after my niece’s birthday.
T likes to group celebrations together because he lives an hour away from my mom’s house where we usually gather – I live half an hour from my mom’s house. N’s mom and her school are both within 5 minutes from my mom’s house but he moved into his fiancée’s house a while ago.
A few weeks before Father’s Day, my mom sent a text in a group chat asking what people wanted to do for Father’s Day which is 2 weeks before my son’s birthday and 4 weeks before my niece’s birthday/brother’s wedding. T said he wanted to celebrate Father’s Day, N’s birthday, and my son’s birthday all on the same day on my son’s birthday weekend.
His reasoning was he and his fiancée have plans for every weekend except for that one. I said I wanted my son to have his own party that I would be hosting and my brother never responded. I then sent a digital invitation in the group text a few days later – which I admit wasn’t the best move.
Close to the party, T called and asked why I didn’t want to celebrate N’s birthday with my son’s and I told him I wanted my son to have his own day because he’s going to have a new baby brother soon and I wanted him to feel special. T said how selfish I was for not including N’s birthday too which I asked why I had to host her birthday and why he couldn’t plan something for her.
He said he and his fiancée are too busy and are planning their wedding and it’s too much to get together all the time to celebrate events. So I asked why he couldn’t do something for her the day after my son’s party or maybe a few weeks after her birthday so she has her own special day too.
He told me he’s too busy with different plans and they only have N every other weekend and said if I don’t let them share the day then N won’t see our family for her birthday. I said it wasn’t my responsibility to plan N’s party and it’s his choice that she isn’t going to have one.
T started yelling at me that I’m selfish and that it was my choice to have another baby.
I feel like I could have handled it better and it probably wasn’t a big deal for both kids to celebrate their birthdays together but also irritated that my son’s day was going to get hijacked due to T’s lack of planning.
N had her own party with her mom so I know she got to celebrate and at T’s wedding people brought her gifts. My family sees her during the week to carpool so she got gifts from them closer to her own birthday. N is innocent in all this and T made me feel like I was awful even though he’s the one who didn’t plan anything for her.”
3. AITJ For Considering Myself An Only Child Despite Having A Stepsister?
“My (25f) stepsister (24f) and I are both pregnant and due around the same time. I also don’t like her and would never spend time with her outside of something family related. And even then I’m not hanging out with her.
We’re just in the same space.
My baby shower was organized by my cousin who is a very good friend as well as two other very close friends. The shower is today actually.
My stepsister had nobody offer to throw her a shower and weeks ago my mom asked me to let her share mine.
I said no. My stepsister then asked me to throw her one. I said no yet again. We’re not close enough for me to invite her so I’m not going to spend my money throwing her one.
My mom told me she has nobody, that none of her friends offered and nobody in her bio family or our side offered either.
I told Mom it’s not my fault she has nobody. I pointed out it’s time for them to ask why people don’t want to do this for her, and why she has no support network outside of her and her husband. Mom said I should be doing more because we’re ‘sisters’.
My reply was her lack of support network and baby shower are not my problem.
For context: my stepsister and I both lost our other parent. My mom married her dad when I was 9, she was 8. She has always claimed her loss was greater than mine and has outright told me I don’t have the right to grieve him the way she grieves her mom.
She made up a lie when she was 14 about my paternal grandparents calling her an unwanted child because she was jealous they wouldn’t take her out when they spent time with me. She told my cousin (paternal cousin) that they had to treat her like family or she’d get them in trouble too.
It’s how she got found out. She’s also the kind of person who expects you to do what she wants and would never reciprocate. So I dislike her. I don’t consider her my family and I still call myself an only child.
My mom, her husband, and even my stepsister are outraged that I would be so ‘callous’ about her.
They say I should care about her and my ‘niece’.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Ex's Wife's Kids?
“My ex ‘Thomas’ and I have been split for around four years. We have two kids together, twins (a boy and a girl aged 12). He remarried Sandy about 18 months ago she has two children between 7-10 years old.
Our current custody agreement is I have the kids two weeks on and one week off (when they go to Thomas’s).
It’s a private agreement we have as it works best with his job as he travels so he makes sure for that week he is home.
Recently I got a text from Sandy asking if I could come pick the kids up. She had plans and my ex had been held up at work.
It wasn’t a problem. I was on my way home from work so I could swing by and get them. I rang my ex to confirm that’s what he wanted and also said it’s around 5.30 I’ll keep them for the night.
He said that was great and would let Sandy know.
When I got to their place my kids opened the door and were packed and ready to go. The kids called out that I was there and they were leaving and she yelled out a goodbye.
As I was pulling out of the driveway Sandy comes running out waving her arms. I stop and ask what the problem was. She asked why I didn’t take her kids. I said that wasn’t what I agreed to and I would never agree to that, and she replied why not I’m always babysitting your kids.
I said that’s something between you and Thomas, but my kids are my responsibility and I’m sorry but I don’t know your children well enough to take them back to my house and to have them stay.
I left and within two minutes Thomas is on the phone begging me to go back and get Sandy’s kids because she always watches ours.
I said the same thing to him and hung up. I got the kids home, and while they were having dinner I asked how often Sandy watched them. My son said they normally don’t see their dad till the weekend. Sometimes they see him in the morning but it’s normally Sandy who is with them during the week.
I left the kids to watch TV and rang Thomas back. He started cussing me out about Sandy’s kids. I let him finish and asked why he thought it would be appropriate for a woman that those kids hardly know to look after them at my house.
He said again that Sandy watches our kids so it’s fair and I’ve also upset her kids as they were looking forward to the sleepover.
I rang my sister to vent. She flipped it on me and said I was taking my issues with Sandy and Thomas out on Sandy’s kids… I don’t have any issue with either of them but I’m starting to feel like I was the jerk but I made no promises to her kids.
Info: she says she babysits the kids during Thomas’s week. She has never babysat for me during my time.”
1. AITJ For Messaging My Sister-In-Law While She's On Vacation With Her Friends?
“My brother (30) had a truck accident that left him paralyzed in 2019. His wife, my SIL takes care of him although she complains all the time about normal stuff like him getting a fever, throwing up, needing help with feeding, sleeping, etc, basically normal and basic needs for a disabled person.
She also violates his privacy and posts private stuff about him all the time.
She showed up at my place and dropped my brother and his stuff off saying she was going on a 4-week vacation with her friends to let off some steam and relax.
I was so mad I’m a new mother and my hands are full already. She went on about how selfish I was and then went on about how much she deserved this vacation – but one can never take time off from responsibilities, right?
I had no choice but to take him in.
He looked depressed and just sad. I know he felt like a burden and I feel sorry for him, and clearly, his wife hasn’t been taking good care of him because now he’s at the hospital getting treated for an infection. I left her a message but she saw it and didn’t care enough to come back when her husband’s in the hospital. Instead, I saw that she posted a video of her and her friends dancing to loud music at some resort 2 hours later.
I felt awful and so sorry for my brother. I can’t imagine reading that my husband’s in the hospital and not caring to even call to check in on him.
I sent a message calling her cruel and selfish. She saw it and called me yelling, calling me a judgemental jerk and ranting about how I ruined her much-needed vacation and spoiled her ‘good time’ with her friends.
She then let her family come at me accusing me of harassing their daughter despite knowing their son-in-law is in the hospital. They told me off and said he has doctors and nurses to help and that their daughter’s vacation didn’t deserve to be ruined because she needed it and said that she’s not my brother’s personal nurse and I should step up instead of judging her.
Now they’re pressuring me to apologize once she returns but I refused.”
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