People Want To Check With Us If Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories Are Understandable
20. AITJ For Hiding Coffee In My Room?
“I (16M) like to have a cup or two of coffee in the morning, sue me. The thing is my parents split five years ago, and my mom married my stepdad two years ago. He also has my stepsisters (15F, 18F) The younger one absolutely hates me, and the oldest is gentler, but still always sides with her dad over me.
My stepdad doesn’t believe in letting kids drink coffee. He’s not worried it’ll mess me up or anything, he just thinks it’s inappropriate for anyone underage to drink it. So for the past two years, I’ve just been taking some K-cups from my dad’s place (He knows I drink them, and lets me have as many as I want) and just keeping them in my bag until the morning.
Well, my younger stepsister found them when she was snooping in my room, and of course, snitched. I tossed them before he found them, but still, I need to find a new hiding space. My older stepsister had a talk with me, and said I should just respect his rules since it’s his house.
I think she might be right but at the same time I want my coffee.”
Another User Comments:
“First of all what was your stepsister doing snooping in your room? That’s unacceptable. Ask your dad if he could buy you a container with a combination/lock to keep stuff you don’t want other people snooping on.
If you have a diary, or a gift from a friend, or something valuable you don’t want anyone to mess with, I’d store those there too.
The fact that they don’t respect your privacy and your mother allows this boggles my mind.
Also, a 16-year-old is old enough to decide if they want to drink coffee! They are acting as if you were doing illegal stuff, for Pete’s sake!
If the snooping continues ask your dad to address this with your mom.
This is not ok.
NTJ” BackgroundEssay7665
Another User Comments:
“Take your stepdad to a Starbucks next to a high school after the bell rings. Count how many kids order a coffee or clock in, this is not unheard of. It might be different if you were dependent on caffeine and were having multiple servings per day.
As described, you are not.
I’m confused why your mom doesn’t seem to be stepping in here. As you know, your stepsister never should have been in your room in the first place and it’s kinda awful that you’re getting in trouble for a K-cup as a result of her misbehavior.
Your whole blended family should be in counseling, please ask your mom for this OP.
NTJ” Substantial_Home_257
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Let me guess, he has no problem if you order a soda with your meal. If things are good with your Dad, just go to the court on your own and file for a change of custody to stay with your Dad.
There is no reason for you to put up with step-siblings and a step-dad that treat you like this. Tell your Mom you’d be happy to spend time with her, but that you are 16 and not going to be living in that home any longer due to her husband’s weird controlling nature.” DetailedAmbivalence
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wait For My Friend To Get Her Own Acceptance Letter?
“I (19F) and my friend (18F) have applied to the same college to hopefully attend together. This college does admissions on a rolling basis so I was hurrying to get all of my required documentation. She told me last time we were hanging out that she wanted us to wait until we both get out letters to open them together.
In my mind, I would have been fine with it but she hasn’t even submitted her application and it’s now been almost a month since I submitted mine. I told her that waiting that long is unfair to me and my family who are waiting since this school is my top school and that school takes 6-10 weeks to make a decision.
She downplayed it and said that it would only be me waiting a week or so to open the letter and that if I open it without her letter ‘there would be an argument’. Now almost every time we talk she keeps telling me to wait but I told her when I get it I’m going to open the letter.
So I don’t know, I’ve asked my sister and mom about it and they are on my side but I still feel like the jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is kinda a time-sensitive situation. If you get in you need to focus on any deadlines, room and board, finances and so much more.
If you don’t you need to worry about taking the next steps like applying to other options in time. You don’t want to sit around on something as important as this.
Besides, if it had actually mattered to her the way it does to you she would’ve sent in her application already and you would be getting them around the same time.
Unfortunately, it looks like that is no longer an option. Best of luck to you and fingers crossed!” rican_reina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she hasn’t even submitted her application yet, then clearly this is not as important to her as it is to you.
If you put your own feelings and wants aside for her, you will be setting a precedent that will not work out well for you.
Imagine you do end up going to school together — don’t turn in your paper yet because I haven’t turned in mine, don’t leave for class yet because I’m not ready to go, and don’t RSVP for that social event because I haven’t received an invitation yet.
This school is your number one choice, don’t let anyone stand in your way of getting there and making the most of it.” mlmarte
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap – you are so NTJ here! What are the control issues?!
This is the rest of your life and a major thing – you have all the right to open your letter first. If she is telling you that you have to do something, and if you don’t do it – then there will be an argument?
This is major manipulation, and you will be very lucky if you both don’t get into that school together. The fact that she is dragging her feet on applying and then expecting you to wait around – this girl does not have your best interest at heart.
She cares only about herself and really she’s not a great friend.” Sparkly_Unicorn_Hair
18. AITJ For Keeping The Sales Of The Cookies I Sold In My Neighborhood?
“My (16F) school recently held a bake sale for our school’s sports teams, expecting we wouldn’t actually earn any amount. The day before the bake sale, our vice principal decided that we would be assigned a dessert and, of course, we got the short end of the stick.
The football team was chosen to make chocolate chip cookies while we were told to make raisin cookies. My friend Miranda (17F) and her mom spent hours that night making the cookies from scratch. They ended up making 52 cookies in total. Being that we were chosen to make raisin cookies, nobody bought anything we made and so we earned nothing.
Our school’s sports funding is to be split equally among all the teams, but 90% of it goes toward the football team. The vice principal and all the teams agreed we would get 50% of the profit we made from the bake sale and the rest would go towards a local charity.
This bake sale was a way for us to pay for our next going away game. Initially, we were all going to make different things, but, of course, our vice principal did what she did and we earned nothing. I knew this was going to happen, so at the end of the school day.
I took all the cookies Miranda made and started selling them around my neighborhood priced 1 dollar each. 30 people bought cookies and my dad gave me 12 dollars just for the rest of the cookies. They took me 4 hours to sell. The next day at practice, I gave Miranda 15 dollars and put the rest towards our trip.
At lunch, we were all talking about how Miranda can make other desserts and how we can go around selling them in our neighborhoods, which can probably pay for our whole trip, and how we don’t need to pay the school at all.
Of course, one of the football guys overheard us and reported us to the vice principal. She later called us into her office and told us if we didn’t hand over 50% of the proceeds to charity, our team wouldn’t be allowed to play in our next game.
I told her no and that she was the reason we didn’t earn any amount in the first place and if she let us keep our original plans, we would have earned more. She told me how dare I speak to her that way and that if I didn’t hand over the funds she would call the police and our parents for theft but I still insisted no.
We had to stay at our school till our parents came and she had the school officer stand behind us the whole time we ended up handing all the funds over and not 50% and we were told our team was suspended from playing until further notice and that I was to attend Friday detention for a week.
That night, my mom screamed at me about how I was entitled, disrespectful, and needed to grow up I just ignored her as usual. I texted Miranda that night apologizing and told me what I did was kind of rude, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The school didn’t contribute to the baking of the cookies. The cookies didn’t sell at the official bake sale, therefore the cookies were the property of the people who made them to do with as they pleased. This VP is the jerk and favors the football team.
PLEASE go to the school board about this. You and Miranda raised the $52 you had, and those funds are yours to do as you please. You didn’t sell them at school or in connection to school, your neighbors and father purchased them independently.
Your parents And the parents of your teammates need to go to the superintendent of schools and to the school board about the mistreatment of all the other teams.
If you are in the US, I’d actually seriously consider making a formal Title IX complaint against this VP.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they stole those funds from you! She told you that you’d have to give the school 50% of the sales you made at the bake sale, but you didn’t earn any amount at the bake sale.
You didn’t sell the cookies on school property or during school time, so I have no idea why they feel entitled to anything or why they were allowed to do that. You could’ve worded things a little nicer to your vice principal, but what really matters here is that your school stole from kids.
Based on what else you’ve said about her in comments, it’s high time she gets reported to the school board.” carton_of_cats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the bake sale was over, and the cookies were given away for free (to you) because there weren’t purchased. You then went door to door to try to raise funds for your team, it was no longer a part of the bake sale at that point.
I’m sorry your parents didn’t stick up for you because I never would have made my child hand the funds over, and I would have gone after that principal’s job too for the blatant threat of ‘calling the police for theft.’ All the adults suck in the situation, and I feel bad your team got punished because your principal is a feminine hygiene product.
Sincerely, A 37-year-old with 4 kids I’d go to the mat for.” Secure_Abrocoma_9891
17. AITJ For Reporting A Creepy Neighbor Who Might Have Been Stealing My Laundry?
“I (25/F) live in an apartment with a friend/roommate. The building is pretty big and there are a lot of people who live here. Each floor has a communal laundry room that can get really busy and crowded depending on the time and day of the week.
There are two issues that I’ve been having in my experience doing laundry here.
There have been times when I’m almost certain, a few things go missing, especially some undergarments. There are some pairs of thongs that I specifically remember owning that is just no longer in my possession anymore.
Which is unsettling and creeps me out and puts me on edge. I’m thorough too, I look and check everywhere. Plus you can tell when a drier is opened before you get there because the ‘End’ on the screen goes blank.
Because it can get crowded sometimes, people get ridiculously impatient if someone doesn’t tend to their laundry quickly enough when it’s done. So people would take the load out and throw it on top of the machine or on a table.
I see that happen with other people’s laundry often, I’ve usually been quick though all things considered.
This brings me to the recent incident that happened over the weekend. I was doing a load pretty early in the morning BEFORE it would even get crowded. I walk in maybe 5 minutes after the drier finishes, and there’s a man probably in his late 30s who lives a few doors down from me, ALREADY throwing all of my laundry onto a table.
I confront him and I basically told him it’s only been five minutes and there should be a grace period. I’m not shouting but I’m clearly angry at this point. I’m already on edge because of the stuff going missing in the past. On top of that, there were FOUR open driers that he could be using.
He snapped back at me and told me that I’m using the best drier and I’m hogging it. His demeanor was jittery, had a nervous tick while being rather hostile. I told him to leave my laundry alone and that I don’t appreciate some stranger touching my clean clothes/undergarments.
He stormed out while muttering some unintelligible insults. The biggest red flag I realized was he stormed out and he wasn’t even DOING LAUNDRY!
I immediately called the management office to report the incident and I mentioned that I felt unsafe especially since he lives a few doors down.
They sounded annoyed by the call and the person on the phone said ‘I’m not a kindergarten teacher.’ I’m now second-guessing myself, did I overreact? Am I being an annoying tattle tale Karen or something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – obviously management don’t want to get involved because he’s a creep and they don’t want to talk to him, so they pretend you’re being petty. Tell them if they won’t talk to the offender now, you’ll ask them to put cameras in the laundry rooms as your possessions are being stolen.
If they’re still not acting, report the theft to the police. They probably won’t do anything, especially if you don’t have hard evidence and probably won’t be able to determine how much has been stolen, but it’s important to report it now because if it happens again, they’ll be much more likely to help.
Even if the police don’t want to help with ‘undergarment theft’ simply for logistics, they’ll be keener to take action when something is a repeating cycle than an isolated incident, because they don’t want to have to take a report from you every few weeks.
Maybe no harm in reporting to the police anyway even if the management company does talk to the guy.” guypr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Keep up management’s butt about this, and don’t leave your laundry unattended anymore. Consider going to a laundromat if you can.
If you know any of your neighbors or run into them, tell them, ‘Hey, I caught a guy with no laundry going through my stuff in the dryer. Have you had anything go missing? Anyone else experiencing this?’
The comment management made also makes me suspicious.
It feels like they’re getting a LOT of complaints about someone being a jerk, and they don’t want to deal with it. Too bad.
Continue to ask them what they’re going to do about someone going through/possibly stealing your things.
Also to add: I KNOW the missing undergarments make this extra disturbing, but it could be a coincidence. Small items—like thongs—can get stuck inside the barrels of washers and dryers. Socks too. If you’re using crappy machines/giant industrial machines, something may have been eaten by the equipment.” Lily_May
Another User Comments:
“Please be careful, OP. Often things like this can escalate to something far more dangerous. If you can, record all the dates/items that you’ve come up missing. Get to the washer/dryer before the cycle ends and watch then handle your clothing.
Contact another person in the management office, and if that doesn’t work, then send them a written warning that should anything else come up missing you will be contacting law enforcement due to their lack of assistance. Above all, since this guy is possibly targeting you, please keep aware of your surroundings and invest in some sort of personal alarm system just to be safe.
NTJ” Realistic_Frosting_2
16. AITJ For Being Angry At My Cousin For Redesigning A Family Heirloom?
“I (F26) have two cousins (F33 and F28). My oldest cousin, ‘Jane,’ is married. My other cousin, ‘Amy,’ just got married. (I am single.) Right before she got engaged last summer, our grandma gave Amy’s fiancé ‘John’ a diamond ring to propose with.
This ring is a gorgeous white gold and diamond ring that our grandpa gave her. He died when our dads were teens. My grandma has since remarried and always said that she’d pass on the ring. I won’t lie, I’ve always loved that ring and hoped it would be me but I’m also the youngest cousin so I tried to temper my expectations.
Mostly I was happy for Amy and glad the ring was staying in the family and Jane agreed.
Fast forward to this weekend, which was Amy’s wedding. Neither Jane nor I were at the wedding but we both went to the hotel room where Amy was getting ready.
She asked if we wanted to see the rings. We were both confused but said sure. And what she showed us was a gargantuan, tacky engagement ring and wedding band set. I sputtered something like, ‘But I thought you were getting married with grandma’s ring?’
Amy just smiled and said, ‘Yeah, it is grandma’s ring!’ She explained that for her wedding gift, she asked John to ‘upgrade’ the ring into this monstrosity since he didn’t have to pay for an engagement ring in the first place.
One of the diamonds was Grandma’s and then the white gold melted down to make one of her wedding bands but the rest was all new stuff.
I burst into tears, I was so shocked and hurt. I told her she destroyed our grandparents’ heirloom.
If she wanted a giant diamond to wear every day that’s her choice but the ring was important to our family. Amy got huffy and said she had to finish getting ready so Jane and I left. Jane was also upset but had the attitude of ‘It’s Amy’s ring, nothing we can do now.’ I told her I didn’t think Grandma would have given it to John and Amy if she knew she was going to take it apart.
I found Grandma and asked her if she knew what Amy had done. Amy’s mom had told her that Amy had to have it resized and have the setting fixed but Grandma had NO IDEA that it was made into an entirely new ring.
She didn’t say anything but I could tell she was upset.
The wedding went on but everyone could tell that there was some awkwardness between me and Amy and Jane and Grandma is refusing to talk about the matter.
Amy is saying I owe her an apology. But I don’t think I’m in the wrong for saying she destroyed a family heirloom. Plus the fact that she didn’t tell anyone what she was doing and misled Grandma says to me she knew she was wrong or at least it wouldn’t have been condoned. I feel like she saw it not as an heirloom but as a way to subsidize what she really wanted.
I know the mature thing to do is just get over it and accept that it was given to Amy and she made her choice but I’m finding it really hard to get over what she did. Am I the jerk for feeling the way I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Amy knows she’s in the pig pen with this or else she wouldn’t have either lied to or roped in her mother to mislead your grandma because one of both of them knew the decision to do jewelry surgery would have upset grandma.
You’re right not to want to apologize to Amy but ultimately you ask your grandmother how she’s traveling because there’s a good chance your grandmother feels she can’t say anything about what’s happened.” addisonavenue
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you (and grandma) are entitled to your feelings, but unless the ring was given to Amy on the understanding it would not be altered other than resizing so it could be passed on as a family heirloom then she didn’t do anything wrong.
Once we give a gift, it’s the recipient’s to do with as they like. If Grandma wanted there to be conditions that’s fine, but she should’ve been clear.
You picked the worst possible moment to give your two cents on how ugly the upgraded ring is, plus running to tell grandma when you must have known it would cause upset during the wedding was childish.
The ring was changed already, all your outburst did was start the wedding off on an unhappy foot. Again, you’re entitled to your feelings but I would’ve saved talking about it until after the wedding.
If you loved the original ring, find a pic of it & take it to a jeweler & get a new one made up in the same image for yourself.
You can do that regardless of whether you get married one day or not. The new ring can still be passed on as an heirloom in the spirit of grandma’s ring.” wrenwynn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So, getting jewelry remade isn’t something new and it does happen.
It also is her property since it was gifted to her and she does have the right to do with it as she wishes.
However, when she changed it she then lied to her grandma saying it was just a resizing which makes her the jerk here.
She should have been upfront about it instead of lying. She lies because she knows what she did wasn’t right. She should have returned the ring instead. She is an even bigger jerk because it was a family heirloom.
They want to have an apology despite lying to others shows how entitled she is.” Key-Tie2214
15. AITJ For Telling My Daughter What Kind Of Person Her Father Is?
“I got pregnant in college when I was 19. Her father was in the same position. Prior to doing the deed, I told him if anything were to happen I would be going through with the pregnancy. He said he understood.
When I got pregnant, he refused any contact with my baby or responsibility. He took things further by telling my friends and his family that I planned the pregnancy to trap him, so they wouldn’t judge his actions. This was untrue.
He paid mandatory child support but it wasn’t much.
It was hard but I love my daughter and wouldn’t change a thing. She’s wonderful and smart and she’s my whole world.
He reached out to me on social media saying he wants to be in his daughter’s life.
He’s married now. I did some stalking online, his wife has frequently posted about her infertility struggle.
I was against it because he’s had no part of her life. It was me who had to drop out of college, work 2 jobs, endure the sleepless nights as a baby, and raise her.
It was me that kept her belly full and kept her warm. He didn’t care. It was me that endured my friends’ turning against me and his family’s harassment. And the judgment of society for being a young mom.
And now that he wouldn’t be sacrificing his young years, now he’s finished partying, now he’s got his degree and job, and his wife can’t give him kids to complete his picket fence life, he wants the kid I raised for him?
Knowing he doesn’t really have to do any work other than pick her up now and then.
I told him my thoughts, and he got mad saying that I chose to have the baby not him, which tipped things over for me.
I asked him to prove he thought about her, eg a college fund he’s paid into for a while with her in mind or car money. He did not, which again proved to me he only cared when he couldn’t make more kids.
I spoke to my daughter but I told her the type of person her father is. I told her he has nothing for her, and I was honest about the fact his wife is infertile so he is reaching out.
I told her everything and reiterated basically everything I said here.
I told her to think about it, and I said I’d support her knowing him, but I affirmed he is not a nice person and his intentions are not where we would want.
She chose to not know him.
After I informed him he got mad. He said I ruined his chance to know her, that I’m denying her a father, I told him he was the one that did that.
My mother told me I shouldn’t have poisoned his image to her, that she probably feels rejected all over again and she’s probably hurting.
I now feel like I have done wrong by her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He chose not to be a part of her life, paid a minimal amount of child support, painted you as the pariah, and because he and his wife are struggling to conceive, now he’s interested in her after 16 years?
How convenient he has a backup child! Now she means something to him.
You told her he was interested in pursuing a relationship with her and that you’d support whatever decision she made. He hasn’t been around for her entire life… he rejected her.
She’s well aware of it. You were frank with her but I feel she needs to know what she’s getting into because suddenly she’s become a convenience. Had his wife been able to conceive, I wonder if he would still be interested in pursuing a relationship with her.
I feel you did the right thing.” Saraqael_Rising
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a hard one though. If he really wanted to know her, he had 16 years to give more than the mandatory child support fees. Just be careful that you aren’t giving anything but the facts to her because if he’s still paying child support he could take you to court and fight you for custody or tell the court that you’re coaching her not to talk to him.
From a mental health perspective, you may want to connect her with her father with you present and offer your daughter an out if she needs it. At 16, she should understand that you were the one who took care of her and it’ll be better for her to come to the conclusion herself.” Bowtie2017
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If I was her I would want to know about this. It’s not an ideal situation but neither is him abandoning her. It was his abandonment that is to blame for this whole situation. She would have felt even more abandoned by him somehow and at some point and he would have hurt her more if he pretended to care about her just because his wife is infertile.
Honestly, it’s unfortunate that his wife doesn’t seem to know what kind of person he is.
He is a selfish person and doesn’t care about that and she would eventually pick up on that as he would inevitably show his selfishness by it coming out another way and he could harm her further.
He selfishly only wants to be the ‘fun dad’ when it’s convenient for him and doesn’t care about taking responsibility for a child. He knew what he was getting into as you said before the deed that you would go through with your pregnancy and if he didn’t want that, he shouldn’t have done the deed with you and should have found someone else who also agreed they didn’t want children.” stargazingartist
14. AITJ For Accepting A Job Without Informing My Partner?
“I (40F) and my partner (45M) have been giving a new chance to our relationship for the past 9 months, after an 18-month breakup, and a previous 7-year relationship, living together, at his request. During the break, I moved back 500km to my mom’s because she needed the help and it saved me funds.
When we got back together I made clear to my ex/partner that I would keep living in the area, in a nearby city and would take over the house within a few years. I was at the time looking for a remote job to allow for flexibility and travel.
My mom’s health has improved but she still wants to move out of the house she has where our horses live too.
So about 2 months into the LDR with my partner, my mom asked if I would consider taking over earlier than planned. It made a lot of sense for me to accept.
Later I found a local no-remote job, but it was perfect for me and I took it. My partner has been mad at me for the past 6/7 months for not asking for his validation beforehand. I did not because our new relationship was still pretty young, and with still a lot of luggage from the previous one.
So I was not sure of where we were going and I did not want to pause my life in the meantime.
To be noted: he does not have a driving license, which is needed to come to my place, nor has he taken any step in that direction in the meantime.
To be noted too: I have said that ensuring the well-being of our animals and my ability to care for them was central in my decision making.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eighteen months and 500km is a long enough separation in both time and distance to consider this relationship brand new.
It is unreasonable for a partner to believe that, after only 2 months of being together, he should be of more importance to you than your family, your animals, and your career. It sounds as though he is completely unaware that your old relationship failed for valid reasons and wants to go back in time and live in THAT relationship, rather than the actual relationship that you now have.” Due_Laugh_3852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knew, going into this relationship, what your plans are. The fact that they happen to materialize sooner than expected isn’t as big a deal as he’s making it out to be. Also, throwing tantrums over this for 6/7 months when he could’ve used that time to learn to drive and get used to the new situation is extremely childish and manipulative, in my opinion.
What’s the point of these tantrums, anyway? you’ve already made your decision and not gonna change it. It seems to me like he’s making it into a big issue so you’ll constantly feel bad and he’d have the upper hand in your relationship.” WAB613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t want the relationship before. You only got back together because he wanted to. You had moved on with your life and, while you might have been ‘back together’, you were making choices based on your own needs and your own plans.
If he wants the relationship, he can work on it. Instead of sitting around whinging that you aren’t putting your life on hold for him, maybe he can do some of the hard work and get his life together.
Or, as my gran would have said, why let the smell of the garbage bother you, just close the window.” Natural_Garbage7674
13. AITJ For Wanting My Dad To Check In With Me First Before Giving My Son Certain Snacks?
“I only like my son to drink milk and water, and he loves both and has no problem studying hydrated. But my dad acts like kids need juice, and will always throw back at me, ‘I always let you drink a juice when you were a kid.’ Then he’ll supply my son with a juice box anyways, or if he does listen, sulks and acts like I really hurt his feelings and say I make being a grandpa ‘no fun.’
This caused frustration in many family get-togethers over the past year or more (my son is 20 months now), and so finally I just accepted that when my son sees my dad he’ll have juice and it is what it is because it’s a losing battle asking him not to give it to him.
And it’s made me less stressed, and something special my son can share with his grandpa (although I still do think it’s disrespectful to blatantly ignore my requests when we are visiting).
Please note that whenever my parents are babysitting my son and I’m not around (which is an irregular and infrequent occurrence), I don’t give them a hard time about what they feed him because I realize they’re doing me a favor.
Recently, we were together and my son woke up from a nap, and he hadn’t eaten lunch before going down so I was going to try to feed him as soon as he woke up. But my dad got him a bowl of ice cream without asking me and when my son saw it, of course, he refused to eat anything else.
So I got annoyed at my dad and said he should have asked my permission first before getting ice cream. This was also after he gave my son a juice box immediately after he woke up, which he did ask me about and I okayed.
Of course, my dad acted like I don’t let him interact how he wants with his grandchild, so then I ended up feeling bad about it because then I feel like I’m just a really paranoid and controlling parent. But I do feel like since I’m the parent and I’m physically there, my dad should ask me first. AITJ for not letting my dad ‘spoil’ his grandson and wanting him to get my permission first?
And sometimes saying no to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your kid, your rules end of.
Provided you have clearly stated what your wishes are with regard to what your son can and cannot have then they should respect your wishes.
‘I gave it to you when you were young’ is not a justification, that was how he chose to act with his child, your son is not his child so it has no bearing.
I would be concerned that when they are doing the childcare it is slightly more of a grey area and that it is the job of a grandparent to spoil their grandkids.
But that being said, they should not be going against your wishes.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A once-a-month sleepover is one thing; 1+/week is something else entirely. Your father is giving your son things with no nutritional value, disrespecting you, AND teaching your son that sulking/temper tantrums get you what you want.
You need to nip this in the bud. It’s entirely possible for kids to have a great relationship with their grandparents that doesn’t depend on crap food and ignoring parents.” Ok_Chance_4584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know it’s the extreme but an unhealthy relationship with food is not fun and it’s not spoiling the grandson.
Buying him toys, and clothes, reading to him, spending time with him, and letting him enjoy his grandparents not tied to food is spoiling him.
The excuse of I did it previously is null and void, so many things are worse now than before.
New chemicals, new data, and new parenting ideologies. It conflicting and confusing for your son and I don’t think it’s fair for your parents (sorry mom is there and condoning the ice cream dinners) to do this to you. Seems like now that they aren’t the parents they don’t care about what is going on with your grandson, you’re trying to do what’s right, right now.” li-shan
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let My Irresponsible Mother-In-Law Babysit My Kids Anymore?
“4 months ago both my husband and I landed the same job, making fantastic pay. This job pays $28 an hour so this was HUGE for us. The problem is that it’s overnight shifts so we needed a sitter for the kids.
We asked MIL to do so, and she said yes and we told her to pick what she felt was a fair amount for payment. She said $300 on the 3-day weeks and $400 on the 4-day weeks. (12-hour shifts)
I will admit I was a bit thrown off with that price ONLY because she didn’t get here until after the kids (all over 12) were already sleeping and left before they woke up so all she did was use our hot water, eat all our food and sleep.
I didn’t say anything because it’s really long hours and we needed someone. It went down quickly. Every work day we get out at 5:30 and have an hour’s drive home. She is blowing up our phones by 5:50-6 am asking where we are and telling us to hurry up.
We get home to filth, created by her because my kids are sleeping the whole time (like garbage beside the chair/sofa where she sleeps, dirty dishes everywhere), dog poop (apparently she wasn’t bringing the dog out), and found she’s been letting the dog sleep on our bed (absolute big no-no), as well as feeding our dog table scraps (I only know this because she all the sudden begs constantly when she didn’t before).
Between me trying to manage this new sleeping schedule and me having to undo everything she did while here, I decided I couldn’t do it. This was following her calling us out of work twice because her back hurt and she wanted to go home.
So, I spoke to my husband and told him I wasn’t paying her to watch our kids anymore because she was creating more problems than she was worth and that he needed to ‘let her go’. He agreed but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I told him I could do it.
He decided it would be better if we both did so we called her on speaker and told her this wasn’t working out. When she asked why, we were pretty blunt in our reasoning. She trashes the house, eats everything in sight (even stuff we said don’t touch), doesn’t follow our rules about the dog and she cost us almost $1300 for having us leave work within an hour of being there because of her back.
She starts yelling and saying she quit her job to do this (we had no idea she quit or WHY considering she didn’t work the days we did) and that we were heartless because this was her only income now.
My husband was visibly uncomfortable but we stood out ground. He is feeling some type of way because now he’s questioning whether or not she was causing that many issues. He isn’t seeing it the way I do however because he’s not the one who deals with all the problems, I am.
I do the grocery shopping and have had to go several times more than I usually do after not sleeping. I’m the one who cleans (he does other chores). AITJ? He feels terrible, I do not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband wants to cave and reconsider? Fine. Here’s how it works. You have a written agreement, signed by all three of you, that lays out how you expect MIL to perform her ‘duties’ while in your employ. Food to be respected, trash to be picked up, dog to be let out (or mess cleaned up by her if she ‘forgets’).
Specify the hours she is expected to be on the job (arrival and end of shift), and that the only contact will be from you if you are running late getting home. Specific consequences for failing to meet the expectations and duties outlined in writing above.
Specify pay and pay dates.
Also, make sure your husband understands that if his mother leaves any kind of mess, etc., it will be his responsibility to pick up after her, clean any mess, or do the grocery shopping to restock what she took that she shouldn’t have.
She’ll squeal and cry foul (your husband may, as well). Let them suggest a compromise that does not in any way shape or form involve you having to do extra work because of her, or having to shell out extra grocery budget.
Good luck.” BunnySlayer64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your husband really wants to keep having her on the payroll, then he can be the one to start doing the grocery shopping, he can be the one that starts cleaning up after your mother-in-law, which is his mother, so he should be the one doing it anyways, and he can always be the one to take off work when her back gives out.
Let him recognize and realize just how much she is doing to you guys versus how much she is providing you. And then let him make the decision after that. But if he wants to continue employing his mother, then he needs to be the one to take on all of the consequences that come with that decision.” siren2040
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – all you wanted was somebody to not set the house on fire. I bet she was not great at her job where ever she was
If she wanted to bring food, she could bring food – not eat stuff you had planned to use.
We all bring food to work but she wasn’t thinking of it as ‘work’. She considered it an opportunity to veg in somebody else’s house. I leave the workplace in the same condition I find it.
It was an easy job.
Now you just need to find somebody who is almost homeless who would welcome an opportunity to enjoy your home quietly.” Fancy_Avocado7497
11. AITJ For Getting Sick And Tired Of People's Slacking?
“I have 3 kids (14,13,9), a husband, and my MIL also moved in recently due to old age and not having a retirement fund.
I got along really well with my MIL prior to her moving in. Since she has moved in, not a single person in this house outside of me does anything. My MIL is always consuming everyone’s attention. Say for instance if my daughter is doing the dishes, MIL will call for her from the other room to go paint nails.
If my husband is doing something around the house she will ask him to run to the store for/with her and they are gone for hours because they end up getting brunch and whatever. She does the same thing with my boys as well.
If they are doing anything at all that doesn’t involve MIL, she will automatically just ask them to come play cards with her.
I’ve approached the conversation one too many times about the fact that I’m tired of this because I’m not the ONLY one who is doing any cleaning whatsoever when there are 6 people who live here.
MIL’s way of ‘helping out’ was to start trying to take over cooking dinner and she is an absolutely atrocious cook and puts an overwhelming amount of hot sauce in everything so that didn’t help at all. I had to make a second meal just so my kids would eat.
I brought the topic up with my husband again on Friday because I was really past my limit. I told him that he and the kids need to stop doing everything MIL wants and help with the housework because it’s not fair that I’m cleaning up after 6 people.
He said things would be different once everything was settled down (she only just moved in a couple of weeks ago) and said he would be more diligent in helping and getting the kids to help too.
However, Sunday rolls around and every single person here is watching me clean and every single one of them walked right by me.
Bonus points for the fact that they were putting dishes in the sink versus cleaning them (I just cleaned all of them) or walking through my pile of dirt or walking on a freshly mopped floor. I lost my cool.
They were all sitting in the living room watching a movie with MIL and I told them all to leave, immediately. Go find something to do outside of this house so I’m not continuously cleaning up the filth that they create.
My husband immediately jumps up and starts apologizing and trying to help me; same with the kids. I told them it was too late for that and they need to leave. My husband and kids are actually fully understanding, have apologized to me since, and actually surprised me with flowers and a sparkling clean kitchen/bathroom this morning.
My MIL, on the other hand, is saying I was ‘out of line’ for ‘purposely making everyone feel like second-class citizens in their own home versus just using my words like a big girl’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family meeting time with you, your husband, and your kids.
Describe what’s been happening, ask why they’ve been reacting to grandma this way (so they become aware of it themselves), and together come up with a firm strategy for dealing with grandma. Help your kids by giving them words they can use with grandma e.g. ‘I’ll be with you grandma as soon as the dishes are done’ or ‘Sorry grandma I can’t play cards as I’m about to do my homework’.
Let your family know that Grandma continuing to live with you is in jeopardy unless everyone changes the dynamic that started after she moved in.
Grandma will eventually, hopefully quickly, realize that she moved to a busy household and you aren’t there to entertain her or be at her beck and call.
As for cooking, if you normally do the cooking, you will have to forcefully tell her the kitchen is your domain.
But, give Grandma some tasks of her own to keep her occupied and feeling useful. See if there are any senior programs she can attend – some even do pickups to transport the person to the activity.
Your family sounds great so I think it’s a matter of adjusting to the new dynamic and managing grandma’s expectations.” DoYouHaveAnyIdea16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled it as well as you could have done. You tried to talk through a solution and it didn’t work.
What else were you meant to do, continue being a maid in your own home? Allow the house to get trashed?
I’m sorry it took so long for your family to realize how dreadful they were acting, especially your husband who really has a responsibility to set boundaries with your MIL!
But I’m glad they’ve seen the error of their ways and I hope they don’t make that mistake again!
As for your MIL, your husband either needs to be firmer on setting boundaries with her, or take personal responsibility for catching up on his and the kids’ missed chores.” Bubbly_Dimension_795
Another User Comments:
“You and your husband need to immediately sit down and establish rules and boundaries for your nuclear family and your mother-in-law. She has only been there a few weeks and already this much resentment has built up.
While your MIL is family, she is also a guest, and she needs to behave that way. She is not entitled to run your home or tell YOU how to run it. Once you and your husband have come up with a set of rules together, sit her down one evening after the kids have gone to bed and, as a couple, walk through your expectations.
If she can’t learn to fit into your existing family dynamic and, instead, expects to be the center of it, I’m sure there are some lovely senior facilities in the area where she can live life on her own terms.
NTJ” MrDarcysDead
10. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner With His Car Problem?
“My (22F) partner (21M) and I have been together for five years. In these five years, he’s gotten in 3 car accidents where he is at fault in all of them. This has caused his car insurance to skyrocket to $1000+ and he hasn’t been able to get a new car since he’s totaled his last one.
I have never been in an accident, and am still a driver on my mom’s insurance where I only pay $100. All of this is important to the story.
We’ve recently become long-distance and have been making plans to get our own place together.
One of the problems with that is that my car is currently not running (I’ve had this car for 5 years and it’s run to the ground basically), and he has no car. I won’t move in anywhere with him where I have no reliable form of transportation.
I do have a car that I’m able to use to get to and from work. On the other hand, he does not have a reliable way to work every day so he is in a rush to move closer to his job.
I forgot to mention that I would be the one moving to him.
Today, he toured an apartment and we got to talking about cars. He wants me to move across the country when neither of us has a car and to just find a job there and save up to buy a car or fix the one I have now.
He also wants to have one car that we could both share. I would rather stay where I’m at for a few more weeks and save up funds to buy a car or potentially fix mine. I’d also prefer for us to have our own car.
He ended up asking me what I would suggest for his car situation, and I started naming off possibilities of maybe going on his mom’s insurance, asking his stepdad to go on his, basically just exhausting all possibilities. He told me that he’s a grown man and shouldn’t have to rely on his mom for help and that he should be able to rely on me.
I said that if his mom who is already established with good credit can’t help him, why would I who has nothing to my name (both car and insurance are under my mom’s name) and bad credit? Maybe this was a bit harsh, but what I’m worried about is having to pay hundreds more in car insurance per month when I pay a very cheap rate now just because he decided to drive recklessly.
He said back to this, ‘Are you just trying to say that I have a trashy partner?’ I got very offended by this and we ended up not talking for a few hours.
When we talked again, he was still saying the same thing and I ended up saying that putting the burden of his car insurance on me is setting me up for failure.
He took huge offense to this and called me a jerk (not the first time unfortunately), said that I’m disrespecting him, and insinuating that he’s a bum and that I’m only interested in ‘the highest bidder’. I wasn’t trying to say any of that at all and I broke up with him for the mean things he said, but I just wanted to hear others’ perspectives.
Was what I said really that bad? AITJ for not jumping on the idea of opening car insurance with him and for feeling like it’d be setting me up for failure?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to get out of this relationship.
He’s going to drag you down, getting you to move, buy him a car (because that’s what you’re going to be doing), and then let him ruin YOUR insurance rates all so he can wreck yet another car, that’s just the beginning.
If you go through with what he wants, YOU will be setting yourself up for failure.
Here’s how the insurance thing works. You move in and put him on your insurance, you end up on signed risk because he’s an insane risk for any insurer.
That means even with two cars YOU pay insane premiums too. If you can find a company to insure both of you.
You’re young. Don’t shackle yourself to this guy who clearly is going to drag you down. He wants you to be his mom and take care of him.” TheDreadPirateJeff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was looking to use you and didn’t care that your rates would skyrocket due to his driving history. He also wasn’t thinking about your future with that push because it makes far more sense for you to save funds on insurance—on your own plan—than for you both to pay out the nose because of his driving history.
At the very least, that saved fund would come in handy as you live together. He’s not a responsible guy and he sounds like he only cares about himself. Stay broken up. He’s not looking out for you and he’s a jerk on top of it.” CB0001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he’s a grown-up man he can take the penalties for his crappy driving. The fact he has totaled his car is his fault, the fact his insurance premium is so high is his fault and he can figure pit how he’s going to get around without totaling your car and driving your insurance premiums through the roof.
His plan was to force you away from your family, to an unfamiliar place so he can get access to a car he cannot be trusted to drive. You weren’t the trashy partner in that relationship. How about he buys himself a bike to get to and from work instead of trying to mooch off his (ex)partner to save face?” Wrong-Construction40
9. AITJ For Being Annoyed With My Husband And His Dog?
“I’m (28F) currently 22 weeks pregnant and super irritable due to lack of sleep. I do believe the lack of sleep is what’s causing my constant migraines as well but sleep just doesn’t happen, ever, it seems. I’m up easily 3 times a night to go to the bathroom and I have insomnia as it is so whenever I get up for any reason it takes me over an hour to fall back asleep.
Due to this, I’ve been waking up in the morning just completely mad and touched out already, despite the day only just starting. My husband is FULLY aware of this. We have had many conversations about my sleep and how exhausted I am, as well as my constant migraines.
He is fully aware that loud noises, especially after I’ve just gotten up from an awful sleep, sets me right off. And he truly acts like it just doesn’t even matter.
So for the past 3 weeks or so my sleeping has been even worse because my pregnancy (I’m assuming) is triggering my PTSD and I’ve been having nightmares again.
Something that hasn’t happened in a few years. I can no longer take the medications I was on due to being pregnant and the doctors have given me natural remedies that simply don’t work. It’s been royally screwing me up, to say the least. So now when I get up at 6 am and my husband immediately starts shrieking at the dog and getting her all wound up, I have been getting infuriated. He does it every single morning.
As soon as his feet hit the floor he is belting out (super loudly) made-up song lyrics that incorporate her name, getting her to race through the house at a buck ten and knock into everything (including me). I just cannot tolerate it right now honestly.
It makes my head start throbbing and I’m honestly at a point where I don’t even want to be around him or the dog.
Again, I’ve talked to him about it several times and he literally laughs and will look down at the dog and start baby-talking her saying ‘Aww momma thinks daddy and puppers are annoying.
We aren’t annoying though, are we Ken-zar’ (her name is Kennedy). Or ‘Aww baby momma don’t mean it, she loves you in her own way’. So this morning was absolutely no different but I had enough and very bluntly, and rather meanly, told him he needed to leave if he insisted on pulling this crap every morning.
He started protesting, saying he was sorry and hadn’t fully realized it bothered me to this extent and I stuck to it and told him to leave. He did but I’m being told I’m ridiculous and using my pregnancy as an excuse to be a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He did know how much it bothered you, you not only told him but he understood enough to baby talk-translate it to the dog. What he didn’t anticipate was you doing something about it. He really just expected you to deal with his dog antics knowing it greatly agitated you and frequently fueled your migraines.
But also if he was yelling and spurring on the zoomies race before you were even awake; he’s purposefully choosing to disrespect and further fracture your already abysmal sleep schedule and if that’s happening daily… maybe spend a weekend or a week at a friend’s or a hotel.
Your being gone might highlight more how terribly he’s treating you than just talking will.” faygoFluent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and dear god, you need to get him to stop doing that with the dog. You’re 22 weeks pregnant and a dog weighing over 100 pounds running around the house knocking into you is literally dangerous.
And that’s before the baby gets there. Is he going to be blasting out his screeches when the baby comes? Waking the whole household up? He’s training that dog badly and he’s being a bad dog owner.
At this point, I’d sit him down and explain that he’s putting the dog at risk of being put down if he keeps letting it act this way in a home that’s soon to have an infant.
Something accidental could happen and between the dog and the baby, the dog is going. He isn’t doing his dog any favors and if he genuinely loves it, he needs to train it and treat it properly. And his attitude towards you and your legitimate health issues is also really concerning to me.
He doesn’t care his dog is running into you? He thinks the morning is a good time to start screeching when he knows you’re not sleeping because you’re carrying his child. Jesus.” WikkidWitchly
Another User Comments:
“I’m very concerned about the headaches.
Be sure to keep your doctor in the loop about this. Not to frighten you, but headaches can be a sign of serious problems in pregnancy.
Is it possible that your husband is uneasy about the big change in your lives?
Obviously, his behavior is way beneath atrocious. Perhaps some counseling would help.
You are more patient than I would be, OP. Stop blaming your lack of sleep and put the blame where it belongs. Maybe he and Kennedy should go stay with his mother for a while – she would set him straight.
NTJ” Swedishpunsch
8. AITJ For Getting Home Later Than I Promised?
“Yesterday I ran a couple of errands and met my dad at the local park to help with some maintenance and then took a hike around our local gun club to check the perimeter fence. My husband knew a couple of days in advance that I had these plans.
My husband had no interest in joining so he wanted to spend his Saturday relaxing at home. Cool, fine by me.
I left the house around 10:30 am and predicted I’d be home around 3 or 3:30 pm. My husband was okay with that.
I said I’ll also grab dinner at our favorite local deli so we don’t have to cook tonight. My husband was okay with that.
I made 2 stops for my errands and got to the park around 11:15, the same time as Dad.
(He volunteers there a lot so it’s not out of the ordinary to spend a Saturday afternoon there doing some yard work or whatever needs done. Not sure if that really matters, but whatever) Dad and I are cleaning up stray leaves and brush and then we go to the gun club down the road.
The property line for this gun club is on the side of a mountain. The hike is steep up the first side. The top is flat and the other side is obviously downhill. It’s a tough trek for just about anybody.
My dad is 65. Another guy helping us is around the same age (not sure exactly how old he is) and he had a heart attack last year. I’m a little chunky myself, so the three of us took our time hiking, checking the fence, clearing brush, etc. We didn’t want anyone to get hurt so we didn’t rush.
I realized this was taking longer than predicted so I texted my husband to let him know that I’m sorry, but it’s going to be later than I thought. He didn’t seem too upset.
We finally finished around 4:30 pm and I immediately placed our dinner order.
Pickup was going to be 5:25 pm. I texted my husband once again, apologizing that I’m late and letting him know what time I would be getting dinner. No response.
I get to the deli at 5:20 pm and as soon as I park I get a text saying ‘I sure hope you’re in (town) right now getting our food.’
Me: Yes I’m waiting for it. I’m sorry.
Him: Now what?
Me: For being so late.
Him: (smiley face cowboy hat emoji)
I don’t know what the emoji response meant. But our order wasn’t ready until 5:50 pm because the deli was so busy.
I didn’t get home until 6 pm.
As I walk in the door he said ‘I might as well just go to bed.’ And he gave me the silent treatment the rest of the night.
Silent treatment again this morning until we both blew up.
He yelled at me for leaving him alone all day. I yelled at home that some of what happened was out of my control.
I’ve been crying on and off all day. I had so much spending time with my dad.
I don’t get to see him much anymore so I cherish the time with him. Did I take it too far by being 3 hours late? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Plans change. Sometimes stuff happens you can’t prevent. Your husband is a grown-up man, too old to be behaving like a petulant child.
Personally, I’d love it if I had the whole house to myself on my day off because it very rarely happens. Your husband had the choice to go with you or stay home. He chose to stay home. Yes, you were home later than you planned but Boo Hoo your husband had to be all by his little lonesome for a few hours.
And it’s not like you didn’t communicate more than once when things got changed. I’d spend next Saturday doing something away from him as well if he’s gonna behave like a little child all the time. I’m petty like that.
And besides, you’re an adult. If you need to do stuff you don’t need his permission to do so, and sometimes stuff takes all day.” snchills
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is emotionally manipulating you. He is not the boss of your time.
He is not your entire world. If he tries to make himself the sole person in your world, that is unhealthy and could be a red flag toward co-dependency. You are an adult and can go where you want. You also texted him to let him know you were running late so he wouldn’t worry.
You are not responsible for entertaining him the entire day. He is also an adult and can take care of himself. You are not responsible for his happiness. If he is mad, it is his fault, not yours.” randomfandom_41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
There’s nothing wrong with spending a little extra time with your dad. And there were things out of your control like your order.
You seem really close to your dad and your husband should know you well enough to understand this.
I think any reasonable partner would’ve just gone down to get the food himself. Especially if you were spending time with a loved one.
He seems controlling. Leaving him alone all day isn’t going to be the death of him.
He sees you every day and you live together. This is borderline abusive behavior. If there’s one thing bad partners do… it’s limit our contact with others… and I know he isn’t exactly doing this here but if he ever does… RUN FOR IT.
And the silent treatment is really just emotional manipulation. Whatever happened to communication?
NTJ but your husband sure is.” Resident_Loan3983
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Bed With My Wife If She Doesn't Shower After Work?
“My (33M) wife (32F) is a gynecologist and works at a hospital. She recently mentioned that she is exposed to a lot of bodily fluids during her workday. While I’m proud of her for doing such an important job, I’m uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping in the same bed as her without her showering first.
I’ve asked her to take a shower before coming to bed, but she thinks it’s unnecessary and feels like I’m being unreasonable. She argues that she wears gloves and takes precautions to avoid any contamination and that her scrubs are changed regularly.
However, I still feel uneasy about the potential exposure to bodily fluids, and I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request for her to take a quick shower before bed. Since my wife doesn’t want to shower before bed, I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room instead.
My wife thinks I’m overreacting and being ridiculous by sleeping on the couch, but I don’t want to compromise my comfort and health. Am I the jerk for choosing to sleep on the couch when my wife comes home from work without showering?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whether your wife thinks she needs a shower or not isn’t my issue. It’s the fact you want her to take one but she refuses. I consider your request to be reasonable and one she can easily accommodate.
Wonder how she’d feel if you refused to accommodate a request of hers that she considers reasonable. But that you consider unnecessary. Hmmm. Either way, I’d end up in separate bedrooms if my husband didn’t shower after coming home from work.
And if it really bothered me, separate homes.” LemonDrop712
Another User Comments:
“Tentative ‘no jerks here’.
Your wife definitely takes proper precautions to wash and sterilize any body fluids that come near her. It’s a hospital. By the time she comes home, she is probably more clean than you are.
That being said, if you feel uncomfortable, that’s your right. Asking her to shower isn’t a huge request, but I understand why she’d be upset by it.
I think you just need to talk with her about why you’re so uncomfortable, how asking her to shower made her feel, and maybe go over the sterilizing precautions she takes at work if that would make you feel better.” silly-little-monkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That’s nasty. Just because she changes her scrubs regularly, doesn’t mean she doesn’t get bacteria or germs or pathogens on her. It also doesn’t mean she isn’t carrying anything on her face, skin, or hair.
Also, contaminants still get under gloves. Just having gloves on doesn’t 100% protect your hands. Unless she showers at work before heading home it’s reasonable to expect her to shower. I know and work with a lot of doctors and nurses and they always shower before going to bed so they aren’t marinating in germs all night.
Many shower before heading home, and as soon as they get home.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If the medical professional tells you that she takes the proper precautions at work and comes home clean, you should probably believe her.
Sounds like you’re being a little over the top with your fear of germs, and you’re basically calling your wife a liar when she says she’s clean.
On the other hand, it wouldn’t kill her to get wet for three minutes after work to make you feel better.” Red-Dwarf69
6. AITJ For Helping My Grandma Throw A Party Without My Sister?
“I recently helped my grandma throw a party honoring what would’ve been her and my grandfather’s 60th anniversary. He passed three years ago, and my uncle and cousin died around the same time.
Both were married and my grandma decided to pay respect to their relationships as well, by including them in a slideshow and having their spouses sit with her. I thought this was a great idea, but I suggested that she include my sister too, as her husband died in November.
My grandma refused though, saying it wasn’t the same because my sister is young (29) and had only been married for two years.
I definitely felt this would hurt my sister’s feelings, so after some discussion, my grandma decided to just exclude her from the party.
I wasn’t 100% sure this was the right course of action, but my sister is still grieving, and I figured there was a chance she would skip the event, so I agreed.
My sister found out and she’s very upset. She thinks our grandma is a jerk for excluding her and thinking she’s not a real widow.
But she’s madder at me for not standing up for her. She thinks I should’ve quit and told Grandma to throw the party on her own, or even went ahead and made a slideshow for her without telling Grandma. I really wanted her to be included, but I also wanted to respect my grandmother’s wishes and honor my grandpa.”
Another User Comments:
“I was on the fence at first, but honestly YTJ. This was a party for your grandparents’ anniversary but then became something to honor people in your family who had passed on.
Your grandmother excluded your BIL, not because he wasn’t family, but because ‘she is young’?
Whatever that means.
You did suggest it, but you didn’t stand up for her and instead pandered to your grandmother for the sake of keeping the peace.
It would have been a nice gesture to include your sister, who is still in mourning as her husband only passed a few months ago, but for whatever reason your grandmother doubled down on not including him.” missdigi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You should have talked to your sister before excluding her. That means you and Grandma are both jerks now. If you’d talked to her it’d be just grandma wearing the jerk cap.
One’s grief can never be more or less than another in this situation… all parties have had a significant loss.
Your grandmother had a lifetime and children and grandchildren with her husband. Your sister had hopes of all the same and got to have (I presume) none of that. How do you even begin to compare? You don’t. Loss is infinite and undefinable and people shouldn’t be ruled the winners in this losers game.” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“There is a difference between becoming a widow after almost 60 years of marriage and becoming one after two years – for instance, the chances of your grandma getting into a new relationship are much smaller than your sister’s, while your grandpa’s death was much more likely than your BIL’s, so the shock for your sister was much bigger – but the pain, the loss, and the mourning are real and devastating for both of them.
Your grandma is insensitive for thinking that your sister’s loss is not as serious and shattering as hers is, and you should have discussed matters with your sister before you decided what would be the best course of action in a matter that regarded her.
So yes, YTJ.” KarinSpaink
5. AITJ For Saying My Husband Can't Get Frustrated At Me For Being Held Back By My Pregnancy?
“I (25F) and my husband (26M) are pregnant with our first child. Recently I’ve started really feeling the effects of pregnancy on my body. Sometimes I get bad cramping and nausea to the point where if I move I’ll likely throw up.
For some background information, we both work full-time and typically try to split the household tasks equally, although occasionally when one of us has to work late a couple of hours or something the other will pick up the slack.
We also have planned for getting pregnant for a long time so it’s not like this isn’t what he wanted.
We were getting ready to leave today and he asked if I brought the clean laundry up from the dryer in our basement.
I said no, I didn’t think I could get the laundry up the two flights of stairs so I was planning to just grab what I needed and leave the rest for later. He made a comment that he was really frustrated I couldn’t just grab all the laundry so he didn’t have to go all the way downstairs as well.
I got upset and basically told him he didn’t have the right to be frustrated with me for having pregnancy symptoms and not being at 100% anymore. Also, we share tasks so it’s not my job to get the laundry in the first place and there’s no reason he couldn’t have just done it himself anyways.
Am I the jerk for telling him he can’t get frustrated at me for this? I don’t want to make him feel like he can’t talk to me about how he’s feeling and I’m starting to worry I just lashed out because I wasn’t feeling well.
At the same time, it’s frustrating to me that he’s fine picking up the slack if I have to work late but hates it if it has to do with pregnancy symptoms.”
Another User Comments:
“Small YTJ: Your husband understandably has to pick up more work due to you being pregnant.
It’s also understandable that he is a little frustrated that all this extra work is being left to him.
The issue here is that instead of acknowledging his feelings and talking to him… like a person. You basically said, ‘Shut up, I’m the pregnant one’.
You’re right next time your husband is upset or feels overworked he won’t talk to you about it. He’ll just suffer in silence. I guess that be better for you, but what about him?” User
Another User Comments:
“Low-key ‘everyone sucks here’ because neither one of you is being fair or realistic with the other.
For you, since you’re the one asking, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and it’s not fair to say he ‘can’t’ feel a certain way. I think what you really mean is you don’t want him to vent about his feelings to you when unpleasant pregnancy symptoms cause him minor frustrations.
You don’t get to police his feelings, but you can set boundaries about what you’re willing to do in regard to his feelings. You don’t want to listen to complaints about how pregnancy symptoms inconvenience him (totally reasonable & normal, especially when you’re the one feeling crummy), and you can tell him that.
Minor frustration is normal on his part, but venting & griping about being inconvenienced to the partner who is bearing the physical toll of pregnancy for both of you is poor form on his part. That’s where he’s the jerk in this incident.
He can handle his feelings on his own, wait until you’re feeling better to initiate a discussion about division of labor, readjust his expectations of what equitable division of labor looks like with a pregnant spouse, etc.
The ways he manages his emotions & respects your boundaries are his responsibility & his decision, but setting your boundaries respectfully is yours.
This is a really good time to work on respectful & healthy communication skills as a couple. The years when kids are under 4-5 years old are typically the most stressful for couples, and your communication skills will be tested.
Good luck & congratulations on your pregnancy!” RevolutionaryFig6491
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for telling anyone they are not entitled to their own feelings. But you should sit down and calmly discuss the changes and challenges you are experiencing with your pregnancy and work together to develop a plan for chores that take your pregnancy into account.
Both of you are going to be experiencing a lot of changes and you both are entitled to your feelings of frustration and anxiety, but you both need to try and be understanding of each other. Good luck with your pregnancy, hopefully, it is uneventful and you don’t have any problems or complications.
And you have a healthy, happy baby.” Wisdomofpearl
Another User Comments:
“Mild ‘everyone sucks here’.
Everybody’s feelings are valid and they’re allowed to feel them. How they act on those feelings is another matter. Your husband blurting out that he was frustrated that you couldn’t do something makes him a jerk , and he should have expressed how he felt with a little more empathy.
You’re the jerk for invalidating his feelings. You could have led with, ‘I’m sorry, I should have said before that I can’t handle all of the laundry and two flights of stairs, could you handle it?’
I do very much get that you’re probably neither in the best of headspaces right now.
Between the effects of the pregnancy on you, and the secondhand effects that it’s also having on your husband means you’re possibly slightly more short-tempered now than you would be normally, especially as you’re both still working full time.
Communication is the key.
Talking is great, but listening is a superpower. Sit down and talk when you both have the time and remember it’s the pair of you against the problem, not against each other. Your husband possibly didn’t necessarily have a problem with your pregnancy symptoms preventing you from doing a chore but was frustrated you hadn’t told him before so he had to adjust his morning schedule before work, without notice, to do it himself.” MightyPitchfork
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook For A Family Party?
“I (30) female am married to my husband Mike (32). Mike usually does all the cooking and it works for us. Sometimes I cook as well but it’s very few and far between.
Mike’s family likes to have potlucks where the women all bring different dishes.
I am a good cook but I don’t enjoy it so we’ve always just said I can’t cook. We’ve been married for 3 years and this hasn’t been an issue.
Mike and I have a daughter who’s 5. She mentioned to my sister-in-law how mommy makes the best seafood casserole while trying my sister-in-law’s.
My sister-in-law mentioned something about the comment to my husband and he explain how I just don’t enjoy cooking so I don’t do it often and don’t want to cook for family parties.
My sister-in-law told my mother-in-law and all the women in Mike’s family have been texting me that I’m selfish for letting them do all the work at family parties.
So I said I don’t enjoy cooking and will not be cooking for a family party. We all went back and forth a few times so I said the next family party (Easter this weekend) my daughter and I will not be attending then.
My mother-in-law said I’m a jerk for not allowing my daughter to attend saying it’s manipulative and that I should just make the dish and******* up like everyone else.
My husband said he’s staying out of it right now but that he understands my position.
He said maybe just make a dish one time to have peace on Easter and I refused.
So AITJ for pretending I couldn’t cook for all these years? And for not allowing my daughter to attend Easter?”
Another User Comments:
“Easy YTJ. If you don’t want to cook (and I don’t like cooking either so no judgment on that from me) then the polite thing to do is either for your husband to make a dish to bring, or buy something to bring.
Expecting others to cook for you while you contribute nothing is jerk behavior. You got called on your behavior and instead of learning from it, you’re throwing a jerk temper tantrum by refusing to attend Easter, and you’re taking it yet another jerk step by refusing to allow your daughter to attend.” christina0001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you should have just been honest about it, family gatherings shouldn’t have any additional conditions to them, attendance is an obligation all its own. They should know you didn’t bring your family to the potlucks for the food.
I like to cook something just the way I like it, but I can’t imagine cooking enough for a large extended family on a regular basis, who has time for that? We no longer live in a world of single-income households where the wife has all day to cook and clean.
If they all want to gang up on you, scold you in person, and also have your daughter present to make snippy comments about you through her, then you have every right to take your daughter to your own non-toxic family for Easter while they’re acting like this.
Mike needs to step up and be in your corner, though. You can’t diffuse this without caving in to their demands, which would be only for their sake and all you would get out of it was reduced criticism at best. He needs to put his foot down and tell them, ‘She shouldn’t be forced to cook just to participate in our family.
If I see any one of you send a text, a dirty look, or anything even hinting that she’s unwelcome, undeserving, selfish, etc., etc, then I’m fine taking myself and my daughter to spend time with her family instead of this pointless nonsense contest. I don’t care about your food.’ And if they agree to these terms, then maybe, if you have the time and inclination, if they’ve been nice enough for a while that cooking for them sounds like something you would want to do, then maybe you could make something once in a while, but it should never be a requirement.” Tiger_Nightmare
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
So not only have you not been cooking for the potlucks, but you just haven’t brought anything?
It’s fine if you don’t want to cook, but you don’t need to lie about it, and the only reason you had to lie about it is because you didn’t want to help, at all.
Your husband could have been making dishes instead of you, or you could have contributed simple things.I don’t cook often, but I’ll bring a charcuterie board/dip and chips/store-bought dessert.
And then when confronted about being a liar and a mooch, you just wanted to remove access to your child as punishment for them daring to point out… exactly what you were doing?” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You for keeping your daughter out, them for insisting that only women bring food, and your husband for not stepping in and making the dish to be contributed by your family… and telling them so.
This could all have been handled years ago while sticking to your principles by having Mike tell them, back then, ‘You know, it’s great to have each family bring a dish, but it’s really sexist to assume that it’s always going to be the women who make it and arrange it with you.
For the record, I’m the one who handles cooking in our household, so run everything to do with the family potlucks through me.’
Why don’t you just do that now?” VoyagerVII
3. AITJ For Being Annoyed With My Nephew's Playfulness?
“My (26M) sister came to visit me from across the country.
She (34F) brought her two children (6f and 3m) with her. She’s 3 time zones ahead of me.
My wife (21F) and I have decided not to have kids yet for the express reason of wanting to enjoy being married and having some freedom before we bring kids into the picture.
Since we only have dogs, the only locks in our house are on the exterior doors and the bathrooms. No bedrooms have them.
The first morning that they were staying with us, her son wanted to play with my dogs which stay in my room with my wife and me at night time.
Being 3, he just opened the door to let them out and caused the dogs to bark all morning as they played with him. This occurred at 6:30 am. I got up, rather annoyed, and closed the door, and laid back down.
5 minutes later, he came and opened the door again so I got up, and told him ‘Nephew, no. Do not open my door’, closed it, and laid down again.
Another five minutes went by and he did it a third time, so I walked out and looked at my sister and said ‘Can you please control your son and stop him from opening our door’.
She chuckled and I went back to bed for the final time.
A few days later, she mentioned that it was unreasonable for me to be upset about the situation stating ‘his other aunts and uncles don’t get upset about it’ and I should be more understanding because he’s only 3.
I feel she should have made an effort to stop her children from making so much noise early in the morning.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘she mentioned that it was unreasonable for me to be upset about the situation stating ‘his other aunts and uncles don’t get upset about it’.’
Just because someone else is okay with it does not mean it’s unreasonable to not be okay with it. Her argument is fundamentally rooted in dismissing your feelings in your own home.
The time zone issue is definitely at play here – and one your sister should be even more courteous of.
6:30 am is early for a LOT of folks, and it’s understandable that a 3yo would be getting restless at 9:30 am.
‘and I should be more understanding because he’s only 3.’
He got three chances before you told your sister to watch her kid.
You didn’t yell, you didn’t punish – you understood he’s just a little too young to really be expected to follow that kind of direction. That mom needed to keep him occupied.
Understanding doesn’t mean he gets to do whatever he wants.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Solely because you say you want children in the future, yet can’t even handle a 3-year-old. If you can’t handle a 3-year-old, you especially can’t handle ages 0-2. Don’t ever have children unless you do a full 180 turn and stop being bothered by children being children.
‘Control your child’ ultimately just means ‘mistreat your child until it stops annoying me.’ Children can never be controlled, they can only be forced into complacency or parented. Parenting will never result in a completely controlled child.” OneJobToRuleThemAll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your house, your privacy, if she can’t control her kids, don’t come for a stay.
Maybe next time the nephew walks in on you and your wife having some fun together, bet the sister will see that very differently, won’t she?
And noisy children are a bane of everyone’s existence who has none, it’s not unreasonable to want some peace and quiet in your own home.
Why people these days can’t give their children a sensible upbringing so they’re not an annoyance for everyone else, is beyond me.
My parents managed, their parents managed, why isn’t that possible nowadays?” LacrimaMundi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She can put forth some extra effort to keep him from opening your door and possibly focus on quiet games to keep the kids occupied, but no one is gonna be able to safely keep a three-year-old from making noise.
if you don’t want the annoyances of kids in your home, don’t let kids stay with you. that’s a boundary you are allowed to set as a childfree person. children are going to act like children. even jean piaget wouldn’t be able to control them to your liking.” joonip
2. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Let My Dad Stay In Her Room For A Few Days?
“My dad came to visit me for a few weeks, and I was excited to see him since we hadn’t seen each other in months. However, my apartment is already pretty full with my partner living there, who doesn’t pay rent and me.
We have a two-bedroom apartment, but my partner uses the second room as her personal ‘woman cave’ and prefers to sleep there most nights.
The problem was that my dad had to sleep on the couch in the living room, which was causing him severe back pain.
He’s 70 years old. Plus, it was inconvenient for everyone since we couldn’t watch TV late at night without disturbing him.
So, I asked my partner if my dad could sleep in her room for a few days, and she could sleep in my room.
Seemed like a reasonable request since my dad was only staying for a few more days.
However, my partner wasn’t having it. She didn’t want to give up her space and insisted that I should sleep on the couch or in her room instead.
But, her bed was too small for me to sleep in, and I needed a proper place to sleep. I got upset because I felt like she wasn’t being reasonable. After all, she doesn’t pay rent, and this is my apartment.
She still refused and said that I should have planned better for my dad’s visit. Saying I should’ve booked him a hotel room. She called me selfish and made it seem like I was the one being unreasonable.
Eventually, I got her to let my dad stay in her room, but she keeps bringing it up and making me feel guilty about it.
She’s acting like I did something terrible when all I was trying to do was help my dad out.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you have invited your partner to live with you and are fine with her having her bedroom, are fine with the arrangement with her not paying rent, then that’s what it is, HER bedroom.
If you don’t like the arrangement change it. You don’t just get to hold this over her head for any disagreement.
Whoever invites the guest makes accommodations. If her bed is too small for you both, then it certainly makes the most sense for her to give up her bed and sleep with you.
However it’s not her job to accommodate your guest and the real bottom line issue here is that you’re using your living situation, which you clearly agreed to, as an attempt to control her.” thewildlifer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You all should have talked about sleeping arrangements before your dad came out to stay with you, not in the middle of his visit.
You decided to let your partner live in your apartment rent-free, but that doesn’t mean you get to hold that over her head.
If you want her to contribute to rent, then have her start paying her share, but don’t use it as a way to play power games.
Your father is 70 years old and should absolutely be sleeping in a bed. Your partner is being unreasonable and selfish by refusing to let your dad have her bed for a few nights.
Better planning could have saved everyone a lot of trouble and upset.” prairiemountainzen
Another User Comments:
“You are both jerks. When you knew your dad was coming for a visit, you should have made accommodations to give him a private and comfortable space in which to sleep.
Those arrangements should have been made before he ever arrived! I’d never dreamt of putting either of my parents on the couch in the living room. They get my room or the guest room.
It would make perfect sense to have your partner move into your room and she should not have fought that.
It would have been nice if she saw his discomfort and offered up her room, but SOMEone should have done it!
Tell her to let it go and when she moves back into her room, you’ll be discussing rent. Then she’ll have more of a say.” GimmeUrNachos
1. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Suffer The Consequences Of Her Actions?
“I (m30) have a daughter (f13) I am a single dad and it’s always been just her and I. My daughter due to health issues has always dealt with a lot of joint pain which is a difficult thing to deal with at such a young age.
And it’s really difficult seeing my daughter in chronic pain.
We are watching my sister’s dog who is a high-energy golden retriever. This morning my daughter was playing with the dog, not just throwing a toy or something but full-on roughhousing with the dog.
I saw right away that her doing this wouldn’t end well for my daughter. So I warned my daughter that playing with the dog like that probably won’t be the best idea and told her she’ll probably be in pain later so she better stop.
She told me she’ll be fine. After that, I told her she better stop because I don’t see a good outcome happening. She ignored me so I let her rough house with the dog which went on for over an hour.
When my daughter was done I could tell she was feeling some pain already. She didn’t complain throughout the day but it was very clear she was in pain specifically a more intense pain after playing with the dog.
My mom came over to visit and saw my daughter clearly in pain and usually when my daughter is having more difficult days with managing her pain I make sure to make sure she’s comfortable and just try to make her feel better.
Well, today my daughter wasn’t willing to tell me she was In pain so I wasn’t about to start comforting her if she’s trying to act like everything is fine. I explained that to my mom and she got upset and told me I need to grow up and stop being a stubborn jerk just cause my daughter didn’t listen to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“All kids need to learn their limits. All kids experience pain. All parents need to walk the line of how much to let them learn through experience. All parents have experienced saying ‘Don’t do that or you’ll get hurt’ and then allowing the child to do it, get hurt, and then helping with the aftermath.
The girl is 13 and learning. Allowing someone to experience things to learn from them in a safe way is part of being a parent. Teens are learning independence. Be there for her, even when she makes (what you think are) poor choices.
No jerks here” Genki_Oni
Another User Comments:
“Weak YTJ
I understand where your coming from, but unfortunately, based on your daughter’s behavior, she thinks that you’ll look down on her/belittle her if she tells the truth that she was in pain.
It’s not that she’s ‘acting like everything is fine,’ it’s that she doesn’t want to look weak in front of you, which, in my opinion, isn’t great in a father-daughter relationship.
It’s not her fault she has this condition, and if she can’t do something as simple as play with the dog without being in pain, then you should be there for her, not act as if you’re trying to prove a point and make her feel like she’s stubborn/a brat because of your behavior.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Your daughter is starting to get more mature. It sounds like she will have to balance between being in pain and having fun for the rest of her life. She has now started this learning process and overdid the fun and has more pain or she just decided the pain is worth the fun.
And that’s fine.
As long you didn’t demand she did chores or something that would make her pain worse, you are fine. I know you want to protect her but I guess you can now stop reminding her of her condition all the time, she starts to balance it herself, and that’s exactly how it should be when kids get older – they decide for themself what price they are willing to pay.
Kudos to your daughter, for managing and handling her chronic pain in such a mature way. She sure is a fighter, I hope she never gives up.
Sit down with your daughter and let her know you are proud of her for taking over the decision-making about her body but she should let you know when she needs extra comfort, because that’s what you will focus on from now on, making sure you can give her extra comfort when she needs it and you will not make her feel guilty when she overdid the fun.” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“Yeah YTJ man.
She can still learn her lesson and feel loved and supported at the same time.
You just go hug her and tell her with love, compassion, and a bit of humor ‘You played a little rough huh?’.
Tell her that you don’t like seeing her hurt and that’s why you felt a bit angry at her, cause she hurt your baby girl (even if it means she hurt herself).
She’s young and just wanted to feel normal for a little while, even if she knew she’d pay for it later.
It’s not rational but again, she’s young and has to deal with this AND a stubborn know-it-all father.
Even if you comfort her, she’s still being punished, she’s in pain!” Haztlen
