People Are Unsure Of Their Actions In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Disciplining My Sister's Spoiled Daughter?
“So my sister has lived with me for close to 2 years now with her daughter/my niece, who we’ll call Lauren. Now Lauren is genuinely one of the worst-behaved kids I have ever ever seen. I love kids, which makes it all the worse because Lauren is just a little terror who throws constant tantrums, never listens to anything you say, and any attempt to discipline her gets you yelled at by my sister.
She just refuses to do anything and it’s driving me crazy! Under normal circumstances, I’d just kick them out of my house, but sis is jobless and refuses to work, so I know they’re going to wind up on the streets, so don’t really have much of a choice.
Anyway, today was probably the worst tantrum I’ve seen Lauren throw. I needed to run some errands, and Sis tagged along with Lauren. I usually say no to Lauren tagging along since I do not trust her in public spaces, but Sis demanded it, and I don’t have the energy to argue with her.
Anyway, I’m about to check out after I get everything when Lauren plops a toy she wants into the cart, to which I tell her, very calmly, that unfortunately, she can’t have that, but I’ll keep a mental note of it for a later time.
She demands we get it, but I tell her no again, and this sets Lauren off as she starts demanding louder and louder. Noticing people starting to stare, I try to de-escalate, but while my sister just stares into space and plays on her phone, ignoring all this, Lauren proceeds to have a screaming meltdown.
lying on the ground, thrashing her arms, and just screaming I WANT IT I WANT IT over and over. I didn’t even make it to the register; I just stopped Lauren and ran her back to the car before causing more of a scene.
By the time we got home, I wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed and just frustrated that this little monster had been making my life miserable for 2 years and that this behavior was only going to get worse. I took Lauren inside while my sister just ignored her screaming and crying her head off and sat her down to do what my sister wouldn’t.
I was firm but fair. I said, ‘What you did today was unacceptable. We do not act that way when we don’t get what we want. I’m very disappointed in you and how you acted. Here’s what I want you to do.
Go to your room and stay there until further notice. I’m taking all your toys and games until you earn them back. Understand?’
Sure enough, my sister finally stops pretending we don’t exist and demands to know why I talked to her daughter like that, which results in the following exchange:
Sis: YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO HER THAT WAY. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT.
Me: I wouldn’t have to if you…
Sis: SHUT UP! YOU DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KID!
Me: So what happened today was just fine in your eyes?
Sis: You should have given her what she wanted. You’re traumatizing her!
I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere with this, so I just removed myself from the conversation before I started getting a migraine. Was I right to discipline Lauren?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is holding you emotionally hostage in your own home.
Her choice not to work is reinforced by your guilt at wanting her gone. As long as she knows you’ll put up with them, it will continue.
You need to set boundaries and rules. Give her a deadline to find a job and move out. 6 months would be enough time for her to save up for any fees she would have to pay, but you can choose whatever time frame you want.
The key is to stick to any rules and boundaries you set. Don’t give in. Ever. If you do it once, she will keep walking all over you.
Next time you need to go to the store, just tell them both no. If your sister or niece has a tantrum over it, tell them you will not be going in public with them until they both know how to behave.” Gilly2878
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself and your own well-being. You’re absolutely wrong, you do have a choice here. Tell your sister you’re tired of her and your niece’s bull. You’ve supported and enabled them long enough. Give your sister a hard deadline to get a job and get out.
Mean it and follow through. It won’t be easy, but continuing to live like this isn’t an option for your own mental health.” Anxious-Routine-5526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you said that you don’t have a choice. In fact, you have many.
Give your sister a two-week notice and follow through. Plan to call CPS three weeks after that if your sister hasn’t gotten her act together. Reach out to other family, or simply sit down with your sister and lay down strict house rules that she must comply with while living with you.
You do NOT have to continue to be the financial and emotional punching bag your sister views you to be. It’s time to do what you need to do for yourself. Please take care of yourself.” PerfectlyImperfect31
21. AITJ For Trying To Make My Daughter's Birthday Special By Making Her Wear A Special Gown?
“I (M38) lost my wife (F35) in April 2022 during labor. She had a premature delivery that led to complications, and eventually, she passed away an hour after giving birth to our daughter.
My daughter too had resulting complications, which meant she had to be kept in the NICU for the first 2 months of her life.
Needless to say, the entire ordeal was hard on us, especially my wife’s mother, who was a single mom to her only child.
Fortunately, my daughter’s condition improved after those initial 2 months, and she is as lively and joyful as any other 1-year-old.
It was my baby’s first birthday a few days ago. It was bittersweet. I wish my wife could’ve been here to see our baby girl reach her first milestone.
I wanted to honor my wife’s memory and also make my daughter feel the presence of her mother on her special day. My wife used to have a talent for stitching, and she taught me a lot of it too.
My wife had worn a beautiful dark green gown for her maternity shoots. She looked absolutely radiant in it that day, but after that, she never wore it again. She said she wanted to see my daughter wear it one day.
The gown was left there, forgotten, with her entire pile of clothes after her death. I didn’t want to go through her stuff since it would’ve been too much for me.
Her words, the grief of knowing that my wife never got to know her daughter, and my daughter’s birthday were what motivated me to get up one day, go through her closet, and cut up that green gown into a tiny frock for my daughter.
And my daughter looked absolutely adorable in it. That color suits my daughter just as well as it did my wife.
I dressed up my daughter in the gown for the birthday party. My MIL saw her in it and immediately knew that this was that dress.
She pulled me aside in tears and asked me why I would destroy her daughter’s dress. I told her what my wife had said—that this was her wish too. She said that my wife would’ve meant that for when my daughter was old enough to fit into the gown.
That she could’ve also said that, assuming she would be alive to see her in it, and that her death negates what she said. Her dress held a memory of my wife that no longer existed because of what I did.
I told her that the dress had been lying forgotten in the closet along with all of her other belongings. All her other special dresses are still there—her wedding gown, her baby shower dress—everything was still intact and perfectly preserved in her closet.
It was just this one dress that I used – the dress she specifically mentioned she wanted our daughter to wear one day. I honored her wishes – just a little earlier than intended.
The argument escalated, with other people joining in and taking sides.
Soon, my MIL left, along with most of the guests. She isn’t replying to my calls. All our relatives have mixed opinions about this.
I am devastated. All I wanted to do was make this birthday extra special for my daughter.
Instead, her entire day ended in tears.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like your MIL is understandably upset and grieving in her own way. It’s not fair to you that she is lashing out about the dress, but I don’t think it makes her a jerk in this circumstance.
Give her some space for the time being and reach out in the relatively near future (1 month) if you haven’t heard from her. You’ve already apologized, so continuing to reach out will likely only serve to make her more resentful.
Good luck, OP. You’ve been through a lot, and it sounds like you’re trying to do your best in a terribly difficult situation. There really is no playbook for navigating these kinds of situations, and you’ll undoubtedly upset people along the way, but that does not always mean you’ve gotten it wrong.
This is a good example of that.” Substantial_Papaya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You honored your wife and extended her love and presence to your daughter. And as you said, it was a dress she only wore for her maternity photo shoot.
Maternity shoots weren’t even a thing 20 years ago, so they don’t have the same gravitas or historical importance as other dresses, such as the wedding dress. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
But grief is a tough thing, and people grieve in different ways, and grief isn’t always rational. Your MIL is being irrational right now.
Hopefully, she will calm down and eventually apologize to you.” Syd_Lexia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your daughter’s first birthday is unfortunately also the first anniversary of your wife’s death, and that is a hard day (as I am sure you know).
Your MIL is probably fighting all kinds of feelings and was overwhelmed by seeing the dress and realizing that the future she had hoped for her daughter was lost forever, and she might have complicated feelings towards your daughter that she might be afraid to even voice.
But what you did was a beautiful and lovely thing. I would frame side-by-side pictures of your wife and daughter both in the dress and put them in your daughter’s room.” Agitated_Pin2169
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — even if she didn’t understand the choice, she chose to ruin the day.
You can’t keep your house a museum to your wife — you found a beautiful way to live with her memory and keep it alive. It’s kind of you to invite your wife’s mother and other family to your daughter’s birthday party but you don’t really have to anymore.
She should understand that if she makes a habit of attacking you, she won’t get invited anymore. I get that it’s sad for her to lose her daughter and be at the mercy of her husband to get any access to her granddaughter but that’s how it is.” Pumpkinkra
20. AITJ For Giving My In-Laws An Ultimatum If They Want To Stay At My House?
“I (F38) am the primary breadwinner for my household. My husband (42) is semi-retired due to an injury at work. He is a great husband and has taken over all the housework that needs to be done during the day.
We share all the duties when I’m not working.
Recently, his sister, her husband, and their two teen kids lost their home. We have a rental suite in our basement that we just use as a family area, so we agreed to let them live there.
Because I’m paranoid, I had them sign a lease.
A few days ago, my husband had the opportunity to do some consulting at his old job. He loves doing it because it gets him out of the house and he gets to see his old coworkers and friends.
It was short notice, so we hadn’t arranged to babysit. We asked his sister to watch our youngest for the day so he could go to work, and she agreed.
She then delegated the task to her 13-year-old son. Then she had her nap.
The kid didn’t want to disturb his mom during her nap, so he knocked on my door while I was working to change a diaper. Fair enough; if I were a 13-year-old boy, I might not feel comfortable changing a baby girl.
I asked where his mom was, and he said she was napping. I woke her up and told her that she had agreed to watch her niece.
I waited for my husband to get home, and we discussed his family.
We decided together that they needed to start paying the amount on the lease, leave, or start helping around the house.
We took all the kids over to my MIL’s house, then we sat them down and had a talk.
We gave them their options.
They said I was a jerk for tricking them into signing a lease agreement and then not collecting it so I could evict them. I said that wasn’t the only choice. I said that she was the one who chose to lay responsibility on a child.
I said that I was basically the one supporting her, and if she couldn’t help, then she had to give me rent or leave.
Neither she nor her husband have jobs right now. They are buying groceries with his unemployment benefits.
I set up the lease because of horror stories I have heard about people claiming to be tenants.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You separated the kids while having an adult discussion with them. Her reaction is unwarranted. You opened your home to them and they are not contributing to it in any way, even with a lease agreement.
They haven’t tried to get a job, yet they have kid(s) and have lost their home. It seems you might give them the push they need to get their lives back together. If they choose not to help, then it’s a good thing you have the lease agreement because squatter rights in my area are awful and the homeowner is pretty much screwed.
Good job protecting your family, and I hope it’s the wake-up call your in-laws need. Don’t feel guilty. It’s your home.” SweetMarie214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL said she would watch your daughter for ONE DAY, and then didn’t.
Even if she weren’t living with you, that would be a jerk move, but the fact that you’re also letting her live with you while she and her family figure things out just makes the whole thing way worse.
You’re definitely within your rights to ask for more contributions from her family.
Having said that, until they get a job, I doubt they can pay you the amount you’re asking for in the lease, so you’re better off leaning into the idea of them doing housework.” culex_pipiens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I applaud you and your husband for your kindhearted generosity to families in need. This is exactly what you’re supposed to do; with proper boundaries.
You gave them a formal agreement in order to avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness. She knew exactly what was expected and chose option wrong.
You sat them down in a safe space (no kids present, well done!) and explained what was expected going forward, and gave them grace for not watching your child, which is a lot more than other people might have done.
You did everything right; you are NTJ. Best wishes; you are good people.” DueMorning800
19. AITJ For Saying I Worked For The Navy?
“I work for the NRL, the Naval Research Laboratory, for some plasma physics research.
I did it technically as a postdoc. I was not part of the military, just regular civil service.
I was at a party with a couple of my friends. We met another group of people and found out that one of them was enlisted in the same city I was working in for the NRL.
So I just mentioned I worked for the Navy near said city. Keep in mind, I was a bit wasted and didn’t realize he thought I was saying I served.
Looking back on it, he was asking me questions that prodded me closer and closer.
He even asked if I was a contractor, which I legally was not. That might have been the source of some of the confusion. In the end, he called me out and said I had stolen valor. Then I just clarified that I worked for the Navy Research Laboratory as an employee, and he privately talked to me later, saying I embarrassed him.
And that I should’ve clarified in the beginning what my relationship with the Navy was.
I honestly don’t think any of that was necessary, but I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – usually people who were in the navy say ‘I served in the navy’ or ‘I was in the navy’ not ‘I worked for the navy.’ He was probably just trying to place how you were connected with the Navy and your statement was confusing and he overreacted. However, in the future, I would just say up front you were a civilian employee of the navy if that job comes up again, just to avoid a repeat of the situation.” Lopsided_Major5553
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a misunderstanding. And I’ve never really understood people who dig into people’s stories looking for ‘stolen valor’. It backfires more often than you catch someone in a lie and just kills any conversation you might have with someone who serves in or works with the Armed Forces.
That being said, usually I think the phrase ‘working with the Navy’ rather than ‘working for the Navy’ highlights that you work alongside serving sailors rather than leaving vagueness over whether you’re enlisted yourself for those for whom that matters.
Or practice a quick sentence that tells people your job in your own way, e.g., ‘I’m a scientist at the NRL.'” WetDogDeodourant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve never heard anyone who serves refer to it as ‘working for’ a determined force.
They commonly say they’re ‘in’ said force or that they ‘are’ a (force) officer. So from the beginning, it’s weird that he assumed you served when your wording implied you didn’t.
Beyond that, you didn’t purposely try to mislead the guy; he just jumped to conclusions and embarrassed himself.
Things happen when people are tipsy or plain wasted. But he’s the jerk for blaming you for two things you didn’t do (stolen valor and embarrassing him).” Jolly_Tooth_7274
18. WIBTJ If I Don't Allow My Best Friend To Bring Her Kid To My Baby Shower?
“My best friend for 15 years has only one child who is 2 years old.
I would call that toddler a wild child. She does not discipline her toddler when they do something wrong nor watch them to make sure they don’t get into something that they shouldn’t. I am letting other people bring their children to my baby shower because they behave very well.
I am spending a lot on the baby shower and it is at a venue. There will be a lot of decorations that the toddler will be tempted to play with. For example, standing balloons with LED lights and a full underwater photo booth backdrop with floating fishes and giant seashells, etc.
At my wedding, the child broke 7 rental decorations I had to pay for. I do not want decorations to get ruined at the baby shower. My best friend is also a single mother, so I know it will not be easy for her to find a sitter.
I don’t not want to not invite her, but if I do, I don’t want her toddler there.
Edit: The children who will be at the baby shower are 10+ years old.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since the other children will be much older.
But the way you communicate that is critical, and I do think it is worth considering how important this friendship is compared to how important having these decorations are. There is a very significant chance your friend will take this personally and be quite hurt by your choice.
And that wouldn’t be unreasonable of her. Your decision isn’t unreasonable either, but I would consider if the fallout is really worth it to you.
If you are committed to your choice. I would definitely voice it as a safety concern rather than a behavioral one.
‘The decorations and venue aren’t childproof or safe, and I would be worried about your little one having some kind of accident.'” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d absolutely avoid giving her the impression that the criterion for whether or not a child can come is whether they are well-behaved. Like it or not, that’s a subjective criterion and is likely to offend her deeply, however true it may be.
But if the other children are all older, no harm, no foul. You just say it’s not a suitable or safe environment for a toddler and stick to that. If she really pushes, you can point out the items the toddler damaged at your wedding that you had to pay for—but not as evidence that the child is badly-behaved; as evidence that these are not suitable or safe environments for toddlers.” wanderleywagon5678
17. AITJ For Showing Favouritism To My One Granddaughter?
“I (m57) have a granddaughter (f15) named ‘A’. A’s dad (my son) passed away 2 months ago today. A’s mom passed away when she was only 4 from cancer. Now A lives with my wife (f57) and me.
Today is Easter.
My wife had gotten A an Easter basket filled with candy and a few gift cards. My wife and I have always given our grandchildren an Easter basket from us. We have 2 daughters and 4 other grandchildren (ages 3, 5, 6, and 6), so our other grandchildren besides A are all pretty young.
For the last 4 days, I’ve been on a trip for work and just got back today. I decided to get A a gift just because. It was nothing too big; she just likes to draw, so I got her a new sketchbook and colored pencils.
I also got her a card and some flowers. Usually, my daughters don’t come to my house until the afternoon of Easter. I got back pretty early in the morning.
As I pulled up, everyone was outside. One of my daughters came to the car and saw the card with A’s name on it.
She asked if I got A a gift, and I said yes because there was no point in denying it. She started going on about how A is the favorite and told my other grandkids that Grandpa didn’t give them anything but A.
That caused the other grandkids to get upset. I told my daughter that I just wanted to get her a little something special because of what’s been going on in her life. They both insisted I was being a jerk and playing favorites, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t intend to get the extra gift for A in front of everyone, and every other grandchild got their Easter treat from the grandparents.
I can’t believe your daughter can be so self-absorbed and insensitive as to make a fuss about HER ORPHANED NIECE receiving a sketchbook and flowers after LOSING HER ONE REMAINING PARENT only TWO MONTHS AGO.
Does she feel NOTHING about her brother, who passed eight weeks ago? Has she no compassion at all for her niece?
I can forgive the children for making a fuss because they’re super young and were instigated.
But your daughter is a huge jerk.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will need to have a frank, no-compromise discussion that makes sure your daughters understand that A is now no longer just your grandchild, but your child because you are raising her. Unless your daughters are no longer in the picture and you are raising their children, nothing will be perfectly equitable again.
You will raise your granddaughter as you see fit.
You did nothing wrong, and I wish you peace and comfort as you grieve your loss and try to help A adjust. My condolences on your loss; that has to be unimaginably painful.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“Your granddaughter just lost her father after already having lost her mother. The poor kid has experienced so much heartbreak in her young life already, so good on you for trying to make this young teen’s life a little brighter.
You are a good person who stepped up to the plate like a good family member should in times like this.
No offense to your daughter, but how dare she try to turn your other grandkids against you? That is some terrible selfish behavior she is setting for her children.
Everyone should be grieving, and she is throwing a tantrum? I’m sure she did not learn this behavior from you, but she needs to sort out her priorities. She is the jerk.
You sir are NTJ.” Appropriate-Role1604
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not intend to give the gift publicly, and you are now raising A, so she is a little different than a grandchild anyway.
Your other grandchildren are 6 and under. A is 15 and just lost her only parent.
I think getting her an extra personalized gift is sweet.
Your daughters are massive jerks. Do they resent you taking A? I wonder if they think their kids will suffer as A becomes your priority (as she should). Not that it excuses them, but I feel like this is not just about the gift. However, again, they are massive jerks here.” Agitated_Pin2169
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sleep In A Bed Where The Dog Slept?
“I (34M) travel a lot for work, often two to three weeks at a time. My children are of school age, so my wife (35) has recently gotten a cocker spaniel dog to keep her company while everyone is away during the day.
I’m pretty indifferent about dogs; I don’t love or hate them, but my one rule is that I don’t want them in our bed. I came home early from a trip a few nights ago to surprise my wife, and I found her and the dog lying out across the bed sleeping.
Instead of waking her up, I just slept in the guest room that night.
The next morning, I surprised her and the kids with breakfast and let my wife know how I intended to surprise her the night before but saw she was in bed with the dog.
She admitted she always lets the dog sleep with her while I’m away and just washes the sheets and comforter the night before I’m supposed to be home, so I ‘will never know’. Except now I know, and I don’t want to sleep in that bed until she promises she won’t have the dog in it anymore, even while I’m away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and dog people need to get a grip. Not everyone likes dogs, and it’s very okay to set boundaries when you get one if you aren’t crazy about them. I don’t know why anyone would want to sleep next to such gross creatures anyway, so I’m completely on your side.
Also, if your wife agreed to your terms (no dog on the bed) when she got the dog, it’s unacceptable for her to break them now because she thought she’d get away with it, as that’s a breach of your trust. It doesn’t matter if it’s something people would sympathize with more than other cases; breaking your agreement with your partner and hiding your actions is plain wrong.” SnooSprouts9951
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this situation. Obviously, there’s a lot more to unpack here, but you both had an agreement and she broke it.
Giving her the ultimatum wasn’t a nice thing to do, but you aren’t exactly in the wrong, mainly due to the prearranged agreement.
That being said, you’re probably going to lose this battle and should probably give in, as she’s now taught the dog he can sleep in the bed and he will be expecting that.” Bagel-luigi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The situation here is a problem, though.
First, your wife is training your dog that it’s acceptable to sleep on the bed. You’ve made it clear that shouldn’t be acceptable behavior since you don’t want to sleep in the bed with the dog. So she shouldn’t do that.
Second, she hid the fact that the dog was sleeping on the bed from you, which is just dumb.
You’re overreacting a bit, especially since I don’t see the problem with the dog being on the bed or your wife washing the sheets before.
The bigger issue is training a dog that behavior is ok, and then there’s going to be fights because the dog wants to sleep on the bed when you are there.” Schafer_Isaac
15. AITJ For Going To The Cinema Instead Of Babysitting My Nephew?
“I’ve come up to visit my parents and younger brother along with my sister for Easter. My older brother lives close by to them and he has a 2-year-old.
On the way up, he called me and mentioned that this is his and his partner’s 5th anniversary and that he would like to take her out to dinner. He said he’d talk to me more once I arrive. I didn’t think or know he was asking for babysitting services.
My sister and I booked to see a film along with our younger brother. My older brother asked if I could look after his son for the night while he and his partner went out for their dinner anniversary. I refused, wanting to go to the cinema.
He kept insisting, saying it’s their 5th anniversary, he has very little free time with their work schedules (which is pretty difficult to be fair), and that he would be asleep for most of the night and I could just watch TV or play PlayStation.
I refused, due to us having the cinema tickets booked and wanting to spend time with my younger brother. The argument escalated with our parents chiming in until he shouted ‘TO HECK WITH ALL OF YOU’ before storming out.
I went to the cinema, and he’s now basically not talking to me and wouldn’t come over for Easter dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ! He knew that his anniversary was coming up and failed to properly plan or expected free babysitting from family thinking that he could just guilt trip you. You had plans that involved money. Why didn’t he take his kid with him or ask your parents to babysit?
Even if he’d forgotten about such a momentous occasion, it isn’t your fault that he couldn’t ask you ahead of time or over the phone.” myrdraal2001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve come to see your family for Easter, not to be a babysitter for your nephew.
It sounds like you don’t live near your family, so why should you miss out on family time when he could easily have arranged a babysitter?
His work schedule is not your problem. What would he have done if you weren’t visiting?
He’s a total jerk to assume you’d either have no plans, or you’d drop them all so he could have a night out.” geordiehippo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother is being really rude. He shouldn’t expect visiting family members to drop their plans to babysit for him.
And why didn’t he tell you he wanted you to babysit earlier? Probably so you would have less time to think it over and realize he’s pushing it on you at the last minute. He’s a jerk for not getting a sitter.
It’s an anniversary; he could have planned for it much better and much more ahead of time.” hereforyounot
14. AITJ For Accepting Work On My Partner's Birthday?
“I’m part of a very busy wedding band. My partner broke up with me at the start of the year, for a variety of reasons. One of them was that I was always working. As I was apparently single with nothing looking like it was going to change, I took a booking for the same day as her scheduled party.
I was due to attend and perform at the party with my band. She asked me if I was still going to perform, if not, she would look at finding another band. Specifically perform, not attend as a guest. This was before we were looking at getting back together.
I said no, as I thought it would be uncomfortable for me to be there. I didn’t mention the other booking for fear of backlash.
We are looking at getting back together and this is something that will come up soon as part of our discussions.
She will likely be upset that I won’t be able to attend or we will have to move the date (unlikely). It was a key theme of our relationship that I was always working on, which I was trying to improve on and still am.
AITJ for taking another booking for this day? I don’t think so but need some other opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but do you actually like each other?
If you are worried about it, tell her you were trying to stay busy because you were unhappy being apart from her, and so you booked a lot of gigs not realizing you’d be potentially getting back together.
Now you’re committed to what you booked, but you know it’s important to her that you strike a better work-life balance, so you intend to book less in the future and certainly wouldn’t book on her birthday if you were together.
I mean, that’s reasonable; if she chucks a wobbly about it, you probably don’t need to be with someone so unreasonable.” GigglesAndRage
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for taking another booking for that day. But the fact that you’re trying to get back together with your ex and you’re hiding your new booking for that day is shady and takes you into jerk territory.
Under different circumstances, it may not be a big deal. But the fact that you haven’t been upfront with her about this makes me think you’re just repeating the mistakes of the past.
If you honestly want to get back together with your ex, you should be upfront with her about this and save her the emotional investment of getting back together with you.” Shaddari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for taking a gig on a night that was important to your ex while you were not together.
YTJ for taking a gig that conflicted with a commitment you already had to play her party. You made assumptions about feeling uncomfortable and didn’t say anything to her about not following through with your commitment until she asked you one week prior to the party.
You broke a commitment and didn’t tell her; that makes you the jerk. And I’m sure it will come up in your discussions, and rightfully so, she’ll probably be upset.” BigTeeGolfer
13. AITJ For Not Explaining Why I Don't Want My Sister's Kids To Come Inside?
“I (44) have a sister (39) who has two kids (8M and 10M). I have four kids, and as you can imagine, my hands and time are full. My wife and I try to do our best, keeping our parenting skills in line with strict guidelines and understandable consequences.
We put a lot of work into this and are quite happy with how our kids treat others and treat us. Most importantly, we have our own set of rules and parenting styles that took years for our kids to learn and obey.
I feel quite comfortable knowing what I can and can’t trust them with.
My sister and her husband, however, have different ‘parenting styles’. You probably know the style I’m about to describe. Phrases like ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘oh, they’re just kids’ get blurted out every time we notice their behavioral problems, followed by their minimal attempt at discipline.
We both came from pretty strict parents, so it’s quite strange to observe, but honestly, that’s her life decision, not ours.
However, when they come to our home, I have to constantly keep an extra eye out for what her two children are doing.
If not, I’ll catch them breaking any of the rules I’ve set for them. As you can imagine, they lack the responsibility to ever be left alone.
Today, she and her boys are visiting with us outside. The house is locked on purpose, except for the side door.
I’ve made it clear to the boys and my sister that there is no need to go inside. Mind you, I sit at a point where I can still see this door. In fact, at one point, I personally caught one of them attempting to go in and had to reiterate the rule.
I simply don’t want them in there by themselves. We have bathrooms nearby, and all the meals are prepared outside in the yard. It’s nice outside as well.
As expected, maybe 10 minutes later, as we’re talking, out of the corner of my eye, I can see the same child of hers head to the side door.
I yelled out over the backyard, ‘No! Not inside!’ My sister, who was sitting a few feet from me, got up from her chair and approached me, asking, ‘What’s wrong? Why can’t they go in? What did they do?’ I responded calmly, ‘Oh, nothing wrong.
I just don’t want them in there. That’s all.’ But that wasn’t good enough. She repeated, ‘I want to know why they can’t go in. What will happen?’ I responded, ‘I just don’t want them getting into things that I don’t want them to mess with.’ She responded, ‘Like what?
What exactly is in the house so I can tell them?’ I looked at her with ‘Uhhhh…’ She storms off to find her two children, and I’m left in the backyard picking up the mess left on the table.
About 10 minutes later, I wrangled all of my children back to my home. You could tell my sister was crying but trying to hide it with a smile. My wife noticed too. So here’s my question: after years of learning the hard way, with both her kids and her emotions…
AITJ for not going into details on why I don’t want her kids in there?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Lack of communication caused this problem and more communication could have resolved this incident. Why didn’t you just explain your reasoning for the rule?
It’s weird to be near your uncle’s home and not be allowed to go to his house for no reason. Could be a million reasons why the kids wanted to enter. Maybe the kids wanted a break to just watch TV etc. Have a conversation man, with the kids and your sister.
Having rules doesn’t absolve you from all communication about them, especially with the people you expect to follow them.
The way you guys were raised screwed both you and your sister up. You don’t know how to communicate and the sister cries when she’s in a situation that requires communication with an uncooperative participant.
Communicating can be hard but it’s an emotional skill that is needed as an adult. Whatever you guys didn’t learn from childhood at this point is on you now to develop.
Right now it seems that your sister is willing to try and talk things through including your rules.
But you don’t seem to recognize the importance of communication and skirt around it by just making up authoritative rules that don’t allow for questioning. This may have triggered the emotional response from your sister, this type of approach can be unhealthy as the only form of communication that is allowed. Hope you guys learn from this and grow as individuals.” PathA2020MLS2007
Another User Comments:
“As a parent, I know it is challenging to deal with people who have very different parenting styles than you do. Let’s put it this way, there’s a reason that I no longer host kids’ birthday parties at my house.
I am more than happy to pay for the party package at the bouncy house place and save myself the stress.
That being said, this is a question of boundaries rather than rules. Kids who are much younger than your sister’s are capable of understanding boundaries and that the boundaries at home are different than the boundaries at school or at someone else’s house.
The real issue here is that your sister’s kids don’t respect your boundaries. You remind them of your boundaries, and as soon as you turn around, they’re at it again. Their behavior is disrespectful, and it’s exhausting to deal with.
Your sister doesn’t respect your boundaries either. Saying that the kids need to stay with the adults is good enough. You can’t expect them to come up with an exhaustive list of everything they can and can’t do while unsupervised in your house.
It’s just not possible, and your sister knows it. She just doesn’t want to make an effort to deal with her kids. NTJ.” steampunk_ferret
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You can’t articulate a single time her kids actually broke or harmed something.
You just have ‘rules’ that are so convoluted they take years to understand and can’t be explained. That’s a bit weird.
That said, your sister knows you have a stick up your butt about this stuff, and you don’t want anyone in the house.
It wasn’t wrong for her to ask if there was a specific thing she was worried about, but you answered it, ‘I don’t want anyone in my house; we’re not doing stuff in the house today.’
And ‘Uncle OP is just like that’ is something that her kids probably need to know. I had a family that had the most bizarre rules, and my mom just told me, ‘It’s their house, it’s what they want, they’re weird,’ and that was enough of a reason.” Lily_May
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Mother-In-Law's Last-Minute Easter Celebration?
“I (31F) had to cancel Easter festivities with my side of the family because I let my kids go away with my SO’s (34M) parents for the weekend, not remembering that today was Easter and they wouldn’t have been home in time to make it there.
So anyways, yesterday my SO and I were running some errands, and I told him that since we weren’t doing Easter with my family and since his parents didn’t have plans because they went away for the weekend, I just wanted to chill out at our house and have a quiet dinner and an Easter egg hunt with just us and our 2 kids when they returned home.
He said that sounded great to him.
Fast forward to today: I woke up, put a roast in the slow cooker, and hid the Easter eggs so everything would be ready. By the time I was done, my SO called and said that his mom decided last minute to make lasagna and cake and wanted everyone to come over because it was also his brother’s birthday.
Needless to say, we got into a huge argument when I told him I wasn’t going because I already had our dinner cooking and reminded him of the plans we made that he agreed to yesterday.
Long story short, he called me a jerk and a stuck-up witch all because I refused to drop everything and go over there to spend time with his family.
I told him that it was not my fault that they decided to wait until the last minute, and I shouldn’t be treated like crap for wanting to keep my plans as is. So now I guess I’m spending Easter alone and eating the dinner that I cooked by myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this being spur of the moment doesn’t sound right because making lasagne and cake isn’t a last-minute decision. If they’re homemade, these are labor-intensive and require some pretty specific ingredients, so it sounds like MIL had this planned all along.
Your SO is absolutely the jerk for talking to you like that; does he verbally attack you like this often? It sounds like it may be so because you already have an established method of dealing with his behavior, and that is quite worrying.
Nobody who loves you should ever talk to you like that, and you might benefit by talking to someone (a friend, family member, or therapist). Be safe.” Oohshiny77
Another User Comments:
“The MIL is not the jerk here. For whatever reason, she realized she now had time and energy to prepare a family dinner for the brother’s birthday.
There is nothing wrong with holding impromptu events and inviting people at short notice. She issued an invitation but she didn’t hound them over it. The husband is a huge jerk because he wanted to bail on prior plans he made with his wife and called her a stuck-up witch for not being happy about it.
Plus he just took the kids instead of at least doing the Easter egg hunt OP went to the effort of organizing. Extra jerk points on top for that. OP is NTJ.” Cherry_clafoutis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You made plans according to the situation at hand.
Your SO is the jerk for calling you a stuck-up witch though. He is a grown man, if he so desperately wanted to go to his parents’ house after mommy dearest called last minute and invited you two then he could have gone there.
You already had food cooking, along with the expectation of staying home and relaxing. You do you mama! Have some great quality alone time. Treat yourself with a yummy dessert, watch whatever movie you want to watch, or go take a nice long hot bath… don’t let your SO ruin your day.” Thiccckthighs87
11. WIBTJ If I Tell The Manager That My Work Friend Kept A Tip All To Herself?
“I (21 M) work at a restaurant that had Easter brunch today.
For brunch, tips were pooled and split. That’s the way this place has always done it. The people involved in this are Maria (20 F) and George (21 M). I’ll try to be short and to the point.
Maria, George, and I are like a little friend group at work since we all went to the same high school and know a lot of the same people.
We joke around and have each other’s backs more than some of the others we don’t know as well. That’s why I’m posting here and second-guessing this.
Maria’s partner’s family came in for brunch. She was given a large tip from them.
They gave her the tip so she could pocket it. Her friend George and I were all talking in the back when she told us about this and said to keep quiet, assuming we would because of our friendship.
I spoke to George privately and told him that I think Maria is wrong for keeping the tip all to herself and that I find it to be like stealing from the rest of us.
I told him that I was thinking about confronting Maria about this, and if she refuses to hand in the tip, I will tell a manager.
George told me that I would be a jerk. He said it was her partner’s family, so it’s a little different.
He also said I’m being naïve if I really think nobody else kept any tips. He told me that the family wanted the tip to go to her explicitly, and that’s okay because it’s their money. I still can’t help but feel like the rest of us are being treated unfairly here, so I am debating doing what I said above.
And that is confronting Maria and telling a manager if she refuses to hand in the tip.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In this particular case, the ‘tip’ was more like a gift from her family. Assuming she pooled all of the rest of her tips, most definitely YTJ, big time.
Also, as someone who spent years working as a chef, I can tell you that snitching for any reason at all is way against the unspoken rules of working in a restaurant, especially since you’re basically accusing her of theft, which could not only get her fired but blackballed since the restaurant world is so small and tight-knit.
You’d be doing more than just snitching. You’d be ruining her life, potentially for many years to come. So, the fact that you’re contemplating snitching at all makes you an even bigger jerk than any of the other combined factors.
I’m glad I don’t work with you, and I’m glad you’re not my ‘friend.'” User
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ if you snitched on her. Her partner’s family was trying to do something nice for her, and she’s your friend so she told you what was going on.
It might not seem fair, but this feels more like them giving her a gift than just tipping for a service, so I’d personally try to let it go. I don’t think this is worth throwing away a friendship over.
You can talk to her about how you felt it was unfair to everyone else who was helping to make sure that table had a good meal and that you wish that she had declared at least part of the tip for their sake, but I don’t think you need to bring your boss into it over one instance of keeping a tip for herself.” wertyo102
10. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Mother-In-Law In The Delivery Room?
“My husband (33M) and I (30F) are expecting our first baby.
After weighing all of our options, my husband and I decided on a natural birth at a birthing center. This is something I felt strongly about, and although my husband was at first nervous about it, he agreed and has grown to feel more comfortable with the idea as my pregnancy progressed.
My entire pregnancy, my MIL has questioned this decision. She never fails to ‘gently warn’ me of the risks of this decision. I continue to tell her this is what feels right to me and try to educate her on the subject, but she has held firm that she disagrees with my choice.
She has always been respectful about it, but I have grown rather irritated over the last nine months that she will not let it go. I’ve asked my husband to talk to her about it, and he has tried, but because she is doing it ‘out of concern,’ she doesn’t see that the constant conversation over my birth plan is exhausting.
I have decided that I want only my husband in the room with me when I give birth, but I also want my mom there for some time while I’m laboring and then waiting in the waiting area to meet the baby once she is born.
I would love to have my MIL do the same, but as my due date gets closer, I am leaning toward not having her. I don’t want to be in labor and hear about how my pain could be avoided if I were in a hospital with an epidural or any other ‘negative’ comments about my choices during my labor or delivery.
My husband feels that if I don’t have my MIL there, I should also not have my mom there, and they can both just wait in the waiting area, as having my mom be able to come in while I’m in labor and not my MIL would hurt her feelings.
I don’t think I should have to not have my mom there because my MIL can’t get on board with how I am choosing to have my baby.
At this point, I can go into labor any day now, so I have to make a decision.
WIBTJ if I didn’t have my MIL in the room but did have my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is YOUR DECISION who to have in the room. Honestly, I’m disappointed in your husband for not being supportive of you.
You are about to go through a huge medical trauma. You are about to be exposed, vulnerable, and scared. YOU get to choose everything about how you do this, and your husband should do some reflection here on what matters.
His MIL’s ego, or you feeling as safe and comfortable as possible while you are undergoing medical trauma.” whereisthetvchanger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When your MIL pushes out a kid, she can choose to have anyone she wants in the room, but when it’s your body, who is or isn’t there is your choice, not your MIL’s or your husband’s.
Your MIL can’t help you better than any hospital staff in any way. If your husband gets upset, he can stay out of the room too.
And make sure you tell the hospital staff that only your husband and NO ONE ELSE, especially your MIL, from your family is allowed in the delivery room.
It won’t be their first rodeo dealing with unwanted, pushy, extended family.” HarveySnake
9. WIBTJ For Not Agreeing To Accommodate My Roommate's Parents For Two Months?
“I get along well with my roommate in general—I’d say we’re friends at this point.
I’m a 23-year-old female in college, and she’s a 28-year-old female who works.
For the last 2 months, she’s basically been living with her partner, so I rarely see her. She calls me tonight and tells me that her parents, who live in China, are flying here to visit her and have decided that they’ll stay in her room since it’s free (with her being gone), and they’re coming in 10 days.
She tells me they’ll be here for two months. She won’t be here because she lives with her partner, and she says that while there’s a spare bedroom at her partner’s house, she feels uncomfortable with them staying there because she feels it’s too early in her relationship with him.
I feel for her because she hasn’t seen her parents in years and they’ve been wanting to visit for a while, and part of me thinks, ‘Well, I’ve had the place to myself for a while; this isn’t too bad.’ But then I get kind of upset about the fact that she ‘informed’ me rather than telling me, and she’s uncomfortable with putting her partner in an awkward position but didn’t think about that with me.
Plus, they’re coming to visit her, and instead of staying with her, they’re staying with me? 25 minutes away from her?
WIBTJ if I told her that her parents couldn’t stay for that long? The way she told me matter-of-factly that they were coming, that they’d already bought the ticket, and that they have no other living arrangements, I’m thinking she was going to be upset with me, especially because she seems completely unwilling to let them stay with her and her partner.
The way she didn’t ask but informed me tells me pretty clearly that since it’s her room and she pays rent, she doesn’t need to run it by me. But will I seem like a jerk, and will she take offense on behalf of her parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but the problem here is going to be cultural differences. I’ve heard that Chinese culture when it comes to family is very close-knit. They’re going to expect things from you because you live there. They’re going to expect you to be the host due to their daughter’s absence.
I would also make it crystal clear to your roommate that you are not the host and you will not be made to be either. That she needs to deal with her own parents.
Something else to note: Depending on where you’re renting from, there should be a clause in the rental agreement that stipulates how long guests are allowed to stay.
A lot of the rentals I used to live at said that due to insurance laws, if anyone stays over 2 weeks, they have to be added to the lease. They might not actually be legally allowed to stay for two months.
I just wanted to throw that out there. But I don’t think your reservations about her parents staying there make you a jerk. Especially since she isn’t even going to be there…” Delvianna00
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, it might be her room, but two strangers (to you) essentially moving in for two months would still have an impact on the shared living space.
Her telling you instead of asking or discussing, with only 10 days’ notice, no less, is very much not cool. Be warned, she probably won’t like you taking issue with it, but that doesn’t mean you are the jerk.
Also, OP, keep in mind that she isn’t letting them stay with her or her partner because she’d be uncomfortable. Why should her discomfort trump yours, especially when it’s her parents that she invited? Best of luck.” hunnycomb39
Another User Comments:
“It is not OK for your roommate to move two adults you’ve never met into your apartment—let alone when she’s not going to be there. You didn’t sign on to live with them, and it’s not OK for her to impose them on you for two months and tell you there’s nothing you can do about it.
Well, yes, there probably is. You’re probably nicer than I am and won’t do this, but most leases have a clause that prevents additional or different people from living in the rental for more than a certain number of days.
You can look at your lease and see if visitors are even allowed to stay there for months at a time. And you can either threaten to call or actually call your landlord to report the violation.
You can also see if the law school at your university has a landlord-tenant clinic and consult about what your rights are in this situation.
You might have more rights than you think.
You will absolutely not be a jerk if you let her know that inviting her parents to live with you in the apartment for two months is not acceptable to you. This will not be not offensive; what she did is the offense here.
It is not your job to smile and keep her happy and seem like the nicest person on earth while she imposes on your kindness and undermines your privacy and your right to live with the one person you signed on to live with, as opposed to two complete strangers from a different generation.
NTJ.” Nester1953
8. AITJ For Being Honest To My Son About How I Feel About Parenthood?
“I had my son pretty young (when I was 20) because I was deeply in love with someone who wanted children and I was ambivalent (neutral to positive) about the idea enough to be convinced. My husband died when my son was 10, and from there it was just hardship, financially and emotionally.
I never would have had a kid in hindsight knowing what I do now, but I absolutely love my son with all my heart. I can’t imagine my life without him.
My son came over a week ago after a bad evening with his wife to stay for a while because they were fighting about having children, hence the topic being brought up.
Eventually, throughout the conversation, thanks to a direct question from him, I admitted that I wouldn’t have had him if not for his father. I mentioned I had been thinking of giving up custody to his father before he died. My son outright asked if I regretted getting pregnant, so I was honest and said ‘Sometimes while you were a teen, yes’, because he permanently altered my body, social life, and work life in ways I wasn’t prepared for, plus he was a difficult child and an even more difficult teen.
But I made sure to tell him that I loved him with all my heart.
Even so, my son got very quiet and went to bed almost immediately after, even tossing out his half-eaten dinner. Soon as he was out of the room, my partner told me I was too blunt to say such things while my son was emotional, but besides being quiet, my son hasn’t said he was hurt, and it’s been a couple of days now.
When I ask if he’s okay, he says it’s fine, though I have apologized for adding to his upset about a children-based situation and reiterated how much I love him.”
Another User Comments:
“You definitely wouldn’t say this to a kid, but since he is thinking about having kids of his own, he should be old enough and in a position to hear it and actually understand it (albeit not as well as he will when he actually is a parent).
People who aren’t parents have a hard time understanding that mixed feeling of loving your child more than anything while simultaneously regretting having kids.
He (or his wife) may very well have the same feelings in the future, but they may not realize that they aren’t alone and that having those feelings doesn’t make you a bad parent.
You spoke the truth to him, parent-to-prospective-parent.
NTJ.” HolyGonzo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems that he wants kids and his wife is uncertain, hence their fighting. A ‘maybe’ isn’t and should never be a yes when it comes to children.
It makes sense that you spoke about your own experience in this instance. It’s important for people to have open and honest discussions about parenthood, which is often deeply romanticized. I’m assuming your son is well into adulthood here which factors into my judgment.
He wasn’t wrong to be curious, and it’s understandable that he’s upset at the moment. That still doesn’t make you a jerk for having a truthful/earnest discussion regarding your own struggles as a parent.
This is a sensitive topic but you handled it well, in my opinion, you weren’t harsh at all with what you said.
He pried for information and you were clear about what you went through while reiterating your love for him. A lot of people go into parenthood uninformed and unprepared for the hard reality. Your story is relevant and gives insight into what he is asking of his wife.
This is a big decision.” 432wililklol
Another User Comments:
“I will say NTJ, it is an important point of view for him to hear and understand about the experience of having children, especially if he is already thinking about having his own.
He may just still be processing because he may have had the view that you loved him no matter what and not picked up on your hidden thoughts, so it may be a surprise to him.
He may be thinking about how it relates to the arguments with his wife.
He may not have realized how much it really affected you. How much you sheltered him from the moments of regret and negativity you felt at times.
I would just give him time; maybe he just didn’t realize quite how much it could and would affect his wife’s life and why she might want to wait.
To me, it just sounds like he is having a period of reflection, and he may be feeling bad if he has been pressuring his wife to do things sooner than she is ready to.” EnergyThat1518
7. AITJ For Not Including My Partner In My Plans To Buy A House?
“I (27 F) have been with my partner (29 M) for 6 months. Our relationship so far has been awesome; he’s sweet, and we get along so well. I’ve been saying since we met that in 2 years I’m going to buy a house and that I’ll be working myself as hard as I can in that time to make it happen.
I’m a single mom of two kids, ages 11 and 8. My oldest was conceived when I was only 14, and my second was at 18. I’ve been through what feels like a lifetime of struggle, and though I’ll spare you all those details, I’m sure you can imagine.
One of those struggles was being homeless for about 12 months.
When I was growing up, my dad raised me in our family home. I didn’t have much, but having a stable place to live was something that I never took for granted growing up.
Something that I’ve been dying to give my babies.
For the past 4-5 years, I’ve been doing well for myself, making money as a tattoo artist (my childhood dream job), and I couldn’t be happier.
Now to the issue at hand: The other evening, my partner brought up my buying a house and said that he would feel weird moving into a house with me if it was only mine.
That he wants to be included in the whole process, including owning the home with me.
He isn’t currently working; he just got fired from his job, and when he was working, our income gap was quite large. That being said, he won’t be able to contribute 50% of a down payment.
I explained to him that this house isn’t really for me; this house is for my kids and their future. My first home is going to be bought with the intent of having them live in it as young adults, and I’ll be purchasing something else for myself when that time comes.
It has nothing to do with him, and I can’t risk the possibility that the house will be gone if he and I split up. I told him if he moved in that I wouldn’t expect him to pay my mortgage but that he could help out by paying other bills.
He didn’t seem to like that idea and insisted he would want to pay 50/50.
So, AITJ for not compromising and buying a house to keep only in my name, even if marriage was something I decided I wanted down the road.
I don’t want to take any chances on my kids having what I’ve always wanted to be able to give them.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, NTJ
Don’t buy a house with anyone. You need to make homelessness a non-possibility for you and your children.
When you buy a house, put it in a trust for your children, with you as trustee.
If you move someone into the house, they pay market-rate rent and their share of utilities as well as groceries. PERIOD. Don’t subsidize anyone in your life.
Ever. Except for your children.
If you do find yourself serious enough with someone that you want to buy a house together, then you rent out the house you have and earn income on that.
Every state is slightly different in how to keep real property sole and separate.
Follow those laws to the letter so no one can lay a legal claim to your property. Do not leave your finances around for someone to find. Do not trust anyone to mail in a mortgage payment for you (same with utilities, taxes, and insurance).
Do not combine finances. Have a separate bank account for the trust that the house is in. Seriously. Don’t let love for some guy make you financially vulnerable. Buying a house is typically the largest financial investment you will make in your life.
Do not mix love with this kind of business.
As a woman, I always recommend women have their own individual assets that are sole and separate from any romantic partner. Men do this all the time. Protect yourself financially and make it a priority to understand money.
You wouldn’t believe the stuff exes try to pull. Even when an ex loses, you still have to pay your own lawyer.” Maybeidontknow99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, end this relationship now.
You have fought hard for your financial security, and he wants to steal it from you.
He doesn’t bring anything to the table but risk, danger, insecurity, and financial disaster. That you might allow him to spend the night occasionally is as much as he might hope for.
His attempt at coherence could ruin your family.
Surely you have learned by now that no man is better than a man who brings disaster. He is sweet now, but once he is on the deed, he will own your future. He could move in with his other family, and you would not be able to stop him because you would be responsible to the bank.
There is nothing wrong with a life free of men, particularly men like this! You need a man with a job and responsibilities so he doesn’t make you homeless.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And if you let him move in, first look up your local laws.
If he lives at your house long enough, he might qualify as your tenant. It sometimes seems to not matter if there is a written lease or if he pays you anything or nothing in rent. Simply living in a place (even while paying zero) can qualify someone as your tenant.
(Location and local laws will define all this.)
If he does qualify as a tenant and you break up, he can legally stay until you go through the legal process to evict him. This can take months, as usually there is a notice period before you can start through the courts.
Please speak to someone before you allow him to move in. It would be very bad for your kids and you to go through having to live with someone like that.” yeahbuddybeer
6. AITJ For Suggesting That We Rehome My Husband's Dog?
“My husband has had his dog since before we met, and the dog is now 4.5 years old. We moved in together a year ago and became a family of five with my two kids from a previous marriage (ages 7 and 9) and his dog.
I set the rules early on (and he agreed) that my kids are my responsibility and his dog is his responsibility unless we ask each other ahead of time for help. For instance, he watches my kids once a month or so so that I can work a little extra.
Other than that, I take all financial and physical responsibility for them.
His dog, on the other hand, my husband wakes up and leaves most mornings without letting her go outside to go to the bathroom. And he won’t give me a heads-up or ask me to take her out.
He just expects me to know, I guess? He also constantly doesn’t fill her food or water bowls, so I am left to do it. He takes her on walks very rarely, and we live in a small townhome with no yard.
She wasn’t ever trained not to bark, so we have gotten complaints about her barking several times, to the point that we are about to get evicted.
We now have to leave her in her kennel away from doors and windows so people can’t hear her barking.
We leave the house for 10-hour stretches some days, and she’s left alone. She’s a sweet dog, but I can tell she’s anxious and depressed. I’ve tried to convince him to rehome her, but he acts like that is ridiculous.
I don’t know what else to do; the dog seems so sad and just spends all day sleeping or chewing on her paws.
I feel she would be much better off with a family that had time for her.
Any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to tell your husband that if he does not become a better dog owner, you will have no choice but to rehome your dog. It is cruel to leave a dog in a crate for 10 hours a day, and her anxiety and paw chewing are major signs of concern.
One way that you can help with this is to create a schedule of who takes the dog out when and who feeds her. Giving a dog food and water is actually a great daily chore to teach children your age.
Of course, you will have to check to make sure they have done it, but you can approach this as a united family and do what you can to keep your dog with its original owner. If he can at all afford it, hire a walker a few times a week (or even every once in a while).
When you take your kids to the park or kid events, bring the dog with you. Integrate the dog’s life into yours (or require that your husband do that). Dogs are welcome at lots of kid-friendly events, and this will help your dog with anxiety so much.
Your husband is a HUGE jerk for doing this to his poor dog, who does deserve a better life.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But a healthy relationship shouldn’t be so… transactional. I get that’s what you both agreed to, but the agreement is ridiculous, to begin with.
Why marry someone who doesn’t voluntarily want to help with your kids? Why marry him if you don’t have an interest in proactively helping with his pet? Important things like pets and kids should be shared responsibilities in a relationship.
The person you’re with should WANT to help with those things.” NexFire7790
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would start by insisting that your husband take the dog outside for toileting before any time that he is leaving the house for an extended period of time.
This includes before work. This is a basic level of pet care that he can and should be able to manage. If you were not in his life, he would be doing this, so he should still be doing this.
Personally, I could not live with someone who treated their pet so neglectfully. I would tell him that you are losing respect for him because of it.
What seems to have happened is that he has done what most men do, which is to quietly quit doing those tasks, and you have done what most women do, which is to get annoyed and complain but still pick up the chores.
You are enabling him. Hold him accountable. Not in a ‘transactional’ way, i.e., my kids vs. your dog and who does what, but just in a ‘Hey, this is your dog and this is what we agreed to, and I’m happy to help out when you need it, but you are leaving all these jobs to me and it’s not fair.'” goldcoastdebau
5. AITJ For Buying Expensive Music Festival Tickets?
“I (22F) have been seeing Aiden (21M) since my freshman year of college.
Ever since we were together, all of our couple’s trips have been to anime conventions.
At the time, I was really nerdy. But in recent years, I’ve just lost interest.
I don’t enjoy going to conventions anymore. I just can’t get myself excited about a new Marvel movie or video game. And the stuff I do like, everyone tells me I can’t like it anymore because it’s ‘problematic’.
I’m burned out.
Anyway, there’s a music festival coming up next month called Beach Life. Most of my favorite bands are playing. I’ve always wanted to see most of these groups live. So I bought a three-day pass.
This was really pricey (I can afford it because I’ve been saving for a moment like this).
Aiden is upset because this trip came at a cost. I didn’t go to WonderCon with him. We’ve been before; I had a crappy time last time.
I didn’t want to go again. So I didn’t, and I saved money.
Aiden had a bad time. He couldn’t really enjoy it because he went with some friends who ditched him and wished he had gone with me.
He thinks I’m a jerk because I had a chance to go but didn’t want to give up my fund for Beach Life. He thinks I’m selfish, but I think he needs to grow up and learn to do things for himself because I’m sick of tagging along for things I hate now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You saved up for something you wanted to do. No shame in that.
And it’s also fine to lose interest in things you were once really into, especially in your early 20s. (It’s also okay not to.)
I don’t think your partner is a jerk for being upset that he didn’t enjoy the convention, especially since his ‘friends’ ditched him, but he is a jerk for blaming that on you. You’re allowed to enjoy things on your own, and so is he.
But if you’re interested in this relationship continuing, I do think you two should probably have a talk about your (collective) changing tastes in things and try to find some common interests. On the other hand, I get the sense you two may be growing in different directions.
That’s fine. It happens, but sometimes people outgrow each other, and maybe you should figure out now if that’s the case…” fiftyeightskiddo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even the slightest bit and don’t let your partner try to convince you otherwise for a single second.
It’s your life. Of course relationships involve compromise, but it’s not compromise when you’re the one doing all of it. You’ve been to the convention before, multiple times. You didn’t enjoy it so you chose to do something that you’d prefer.
Your partner could have chosen to skip the convention and go to the festival, but did he do that? No, he just expected that you’d do his thing with him. It’s his own fault he didn’t have a good time.
Not yours. Not even a little bit.
Although I’m not going to tell you to ‘break up immediately!’ you have to have a serious talk with your partner about this. Good for you for setting boundaries, keep doing that.
Don’t give into his ridiculous expectations of you.” schoobydoo42
4. AITJ For Walking Out After My Mother-In-Law Brought Up An Issue From A Year Ago?
“I’m a (29f) widow as of 3 years ago and have one child—a 4-year-old son—with my husband who passed. I’ve remained close with my in-laws and live nearby (3 houses away).
We see each other on a regular basis. About a year ago I was invited to an event and asked my BIL and his wife if they’d watch my son from 6-10 p.m.
My BIL and his wife are both about 5 years older than me and live about 10 minutes away.
We all get along well, and they’ve always offered to help with babysitting. This was the first time I had asked. They both seemed excited to watch their nephew, and I felt good knowing my son would be in good hands.
I dropped my son off a little after six; everyone seemed happy. I went to my event and enjoyed myself.
I arrived at my brother-in-law’s house at about 9:30ish to pick up my son, and when he came to the door, he said, ‘Oh, my mom and dad picked him up and brought him home with them about a half hour ago.’ I was so confused…
Why? Did something happen? He assured me that everything was fine. Then he explained that his parents had returned from a week-long trip and called him to say hi. When they found out their grandson was there, they made their way over to visit because they missed him.
My MIL and FIL have a close relationship with my son and typically see each other every day. He said when his parents were about to leave their house, my son started crying, so they just took him with them.
He said he didn’t think it’d be an issue since they live a few houses down from me. I told him that, of course, it’s not an issue that his grandparents took him and asked why he didn’t call or text me to let me know.
He said (again) that he didn’t think it’d be a big deal but that he was sorry he didn’t let me know so I didn’t have to drive to their house for no reason. At that point, I said goodnight and left.
I drove home and walked over to the in-laws to pick up my son. I expressed my frustration with the situation calmly, and they got defensive. They said they didn’t think they’d need permission from me; they missed their grandson after not seeing him for over a week; and why was I attacking them?
We went back and forth for about 10 minutes. It ended with me reiterating to them that I’m not upset about them taking him; I’m upset that no one even thought to send me a measly text. And they reiterated that they thought I was overreacting.
Fast forward to last night, when my son and I were visiting my in-laws, and this topic came up (one year later). My MIL said, ‘You know, I felt so hurt by your reaction that night. I felt like you were trying to keep us from our own grandson!’ The conversation got a little intense, and I politely left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Grandparents are always mistaken when they believe they have anything akin to parental rights. I would sit them down and be clear about your boundaries as a mother. You are your son’s only parent.
Period. They did not step in to fill any custodial role and remain grandparents, which means they must respect you and your need to at least be told where your child is.
Your son’s grandmother’s ‘feelings’ simply are not a priority above your needs as a mother.
If this conversation doesn’t seem to be fully willingly accepted, I would be clear on what you will change to ensure you are able to parent your son according to your wishes.” Alittlemode
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a year later and she’s still bringing it up and likening the situation to you ‘keeping them from their grandson’ is preposterous.
You very calmly, clearly, and rightly said a heads up about knowing WHERE YOUR KID IS is all this is about. I suspect there have been lots more little instances that you may not have even noticed or remembered like this.
I’m glad you left last night. You need to not engage when you know you’re right here.
You are his mother. Full stop.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like it is not a big deal, but your in-laws should apologize and take responsibility.
It is perfectly reasonable to expect a text when someone takes your kids.
In your in-laws’ defense, it would not have been as common for their generation to have experienced this as they were raising kids. People were a bit looser about that in the 70s and 80s.
However, your in-laws are in the wrong and should acknowledge that expectations about childcare have changed. Further, your MIL is behaving unreasonably to bring this up a year later.” McRando42
3. AITJ For Not Allowing My Stepdaughter To See My Daughter On Easter?
“I (30 female) have been with my partner Matt (35) for 3 years. We have a one-year-old daughter Aubrey, and he has a 10-year-old daughter Sarah from a previous relationship.
This year we did not have Sarah for Easter, but his ex had told him he was welcome to come to see her at their house during the day if he wanted. The plan was that he’d go there at 11 a.m. and then meet me at my family’s for lunch afterward, and we’d bring the baby to see his family after that.
About an hour before he was going to leave, Sarah asked if he could bring Aubrey so she could see her for Easter. Matt at first explained that that was her mom’s family and the baby wasn’t part of that family, but she said she just wanted to see her sister.
He came to talk to me about it, and I refused.
We got into an argument where he said I was being unfair to Sarah. I told him Aubrey had no reason to go there, and she would be seeing her when we picked her up from school on Monday.
Matt did end up going without bringing Aubrey, and he told me Sarah was really sad. We’ve been arguing about it all day, and he’s saying I’m being completely unreasonable. I told him I don’t mind if he goes there, but our daughter isn’t going there when she should be with her family, and I know his daughter is also her family, but no one else is there besides him.
He thinks we should keep this topic open for further discussion and that I’m being a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, both of the kids have a right to see each other and spend time together with their dad as often as possible, but especially on special days.
You were putting your own wants and needs above those of your child and stepchild.
If family means so much to you, you could have gone with them, but it sounds like there is some awkwardness between you and your partner’s ex, so maybe that’s not an option.
Regardless, your baby going to see her sister for an hour and then coming to your parent’s house should not be a big deal, and refusing was unfair.” Gah-linda
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Oh no, your daughter would be with her HALF-SISTER for a little bit of time before joining you and your family with her father later on and then HIS family, the horror.
Now, if you didn’t want to be a jerk, you should have used the excuse that it would be a very busy day for a 1-year-old (which it would be), but instead, you want to draw some arbitrary line in the sand that will soon enough bite you in the butt when, say, Sarah’s birthday falls on her mother’s time and she wants her sister there.
There are going to be many events for Sarah in the future that may happen at her mom’s place, and you’re not going to be able to keep doing stuff like this over and over again and think it won’t impact not only your relationship with your partner but also his daughter.
Like for real, unless you and his ex have problems, there isn’t really a good reason for you to have said no to a brief visit today.” Fun-Replacement1998
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you should be glad that Sarah loves her sister enough to want to see her when she’s not at your home.
Sarah is Aubrey’s family, and after parents, siblings are the most important family we have, so why do you want to discourage that relationship? It’s ok for you to take your daughter to your family’s at Easter, but not ok for her dad to take her to her sister?
Sarah is just as much family to Aubrey as your family is and has just as much right to see her.
To be honest, it sounds like you didn’t want your husband to visit his daughter, so you have decided that your daughter cannot go to visit her sister.” Scarlettohara1605
2. AITJ For Not Entrusting My Children With My Business?
“I (58M) have two kids, John (32M) and Susan (29F), and I started a business back in my late twenties after they were born. I have been growing it for the better part of three decades; however, my wife and I agreed that we have more than enough for me to retire, and so I am.
Back when John was in high school, I gave him a job at my business, and soon after he started, he asked if I could give his friend Sam (32 now, 17 when he started) a job as well. John was not interested in the work and quit after 4 months, and I will wholeheartedly admit that that was very painful at the time, but Sam loved the job.
He continued to work throughout college, where he went into the same field as me, and I gave him a promotion when he completed his studies. Sam is very much my protégé, and I see him as my second son.
John studied finance and, after working at some other places, asked me if I could give him a job. I did, and he’s extremely good at what he does. I love the fact that I get to work with both of them.
I took my wife, John, Susan, and Sam out to dinner last week to tell them my plan for retirement. Sam will take my place and own 60%, while John and Susan will each get 20%. I have never seen John so furious.
He asked how I could choose Sam over him, my own flesh and b***d. He also said he’s the one who studied running businesses and that he should be the one in charge. I told him that he has only worked for me for a few years and already quit once, whereas Sam has been working for me for 15 years, knows all the clients, the products, and the production team, and has their respect.
He then asked if he had my respect, and I told him, of course, that he’s the best at what he does, but that doesn’t mean he’s the best fit for being the boss. My wife and Susan tried de-escalating the situation, but John left in a huff and hasn’t been talking to anyone but Susan since.
I know John’s hurt, but Sam is the better choice since he’s been working directly under me for years and knows the ins and outs better than anyone but me. I’ve tried talking to John and apologizing, but he won’t let me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because you have children does not mean a business should automatically be handed to them. It sounds like John’s a much better employee now compared to when he was in high school (I should hope so, but that isn’t always the case), but Sam sounds as if he’s been a part of all aspects of this business throughout these last fifteen years and is truly passionate about it.
I personally would have made the percentages a bit different since you never mentioned your daughter working at the business and she gets an equal amount as the sibling who does work there, but whatever.
But just because you aren’t the jerk doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t potentially permanently scarred by this decision, as is Sam’s relationship with him.
Still, this is the legacy you built, and you should absolutely leave it to the person in whom you have the most faith in keeping it alive.
There is a fair chance you will no longer have a relationship with your son.
I’m not saying that’s right or wrong; it just is. John has a right to feel like he’s been replaced by his (former) friend in your eyes.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you announced this news. You should have respected the people involved, particularly your son, enough to tell them each privately.
I can’t imagine how you created a successful business when you have this little insight into how people think & how they would react to this kind of news. Instead, you created a public scene that no doubt embarrassed Sam as well as your family & will ultimately make it harder for Sam to keep running the company successfully.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you lack emotional intelligence. It would be obvious to most people that this should be a conversation to have over a long period of time, individually with each of the three concerned parties. Announcing the completed decision was bound to set off some unpredictable feelings.
The best solution, as I see it, would have been to sell the business, at a below-market value, to the three of them in exactly the proportions you suggested. But only after individually explaining your plan to each of them, getting their feedback (starting with Susan because she’s the one most removed from the business but most likely to be able to predict her brother’s reaction), and tweaking the plan based on their input.
But now that you’ve created a rift between them, it will be incredibly difficult for them to operate as partners. You’ll have to talk to them again and find a way to show John that he’s not second fiddle to your ‘second son.'” SuzieQbert
Another User Comments:
“You can leave your business to whoever you want, as it’s your business.
However, in my honest opinion, YTJ.
Firstly, when John was working for you originally, he was in high school. At that age, many kids rebel against what their parents do or want; it’s totally normal. So I’m not surprised he left. BUT he came back.
He studied something that would add value to the business, and he came back and worked for you.
Secondly, you are giving Susan, who did absolutely nothing for the business, an equal share to John, who has been working for you and contributing to the business.
How is that fair?
Lastly, Sam may have worked for you all these years and may know all the ins and outs of the business; however, at no point did you ever have a conversation with John (or Susan) about leaving the business to Sam, so it would be a natural conclusion that you would be leaving this business that you have built up to your own children.
Is there any way you can leave the ownership of the business to John and Susan equally, but with a clause that Sam is to run it or be in charge of it for however long he wants? Something like that?
If you had done this to me, I wouldn’t be hurt; I’d be quitting the business, opening up a rival business, and putting yours in the ground. I would not speak to you again. Not because you didn’t leave the business to me, but because you announced this without even a discussion with me-blindsiding me.
As far as you and John are concerned, I’m pretty certain a mere apology isn’t going to cut it.” MissSuzieSunshine
1. AITJ For Saying My Sister Manipulated Her Ex Into Staying With Her By Getting Pregnant?
“I (30F) have a sister who’s highly irresponsible and dependent on men emotionally.
She, unfortunately, had an ectopic pregnancy and lost the child. Her ex, who has been supportive in the process, was there next to her. They broke up shortly after she found out she was pregnant, and I guess they got back together when I arrived at the hospital.
While she was sleeping, I talked to him to see what their relationship status was. He said it was complicated and had a weird look.
So I told him, ‘Hey, if you are here under obligation, it’s fine; I’m here now.
I’ll be with her.’ He said it was okay in a very sullen mood. And then he opened up to me. I found out that she lied to him that this was her first failed pregnancy and then lied that my parents refused to take her in as well as me.
I also knew she’d purposefully gotten pregnant, thinking that she could get him to stay. So I realized just how she manipulated him so he felt guilty enough to take her back. So I exposed her because what she was doing was so wrong on so many levels.
I didn’t know she was fake sleeping. She looked at me with anger and told me to get out. I tried talking to her, but she said she didn’t need anyone and that I was wrong to tell her business.
And again yelled to get out. She said some hateful things to me as well. I left.
She really made me realize just how low she could go. And it made me sick. So AITJ for exposing her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did the right thing here. You told the truth. He told the truth. It’s unfortunate that the truth is that your sister manipulates people to get what she wants, but it’s the truth nonetheless.
Your sister will never see it that way, though.
All she’s going to see is that you ruined her chances with him. She’s going to stay blind to the fact that it was her lies that made this blow up in her face. It’s easier for her to blame you than it is for her to blame herself.
To her, you will still be the jerk, even when everything else says otherwise.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“She just had surgery and lost a child. And you used it as an opportunity to let her ex off the hook, intervene in their relationship, and involve yourself because you don’t like how she lives her life (‘highly irresponsible’) or how she handles her relationships (‘dependent on men’), and instead of offering her comfort or being supportive during an emotionally and physically traumatic experience for her, you opted to throw her under the bus and comfort her ex.
YTJ big time. And not just for the timing – YTJ for involving yourself in HER relationship because you don’t approve of how she handles her life and relationships.” AdventurousDoubt1115
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when she is lying about her medical history in order to take advantage of someone else, you can’t just sit back and let that happen.
That would make you complicit.
I feel for the ex. She lied to him in order to get pregnant, didn’t warn him of her history of failed pregnancies, let him get blindsided by the grief of losing a child, and tried to make her own grief seem worse by lying that this was the first!
It sounds like she is in therapy, and it’s not helping. OP, there comes a point when you have to walk away from a toxic person before they do irreparable damage to you. She’s in therapy, and you’ve been there for her in the past, but she’s showing no signs of change.
Please walk away while you can.” Entorien_Scriber
Another User Comments:
“‘YTJ. The whole ‘she trapped him with pregnancy’ thing, I call nonsense on that. And ectopic pregnancies can be deadly. Dealing with one is an emergency. Organs surrounding the fallopian tubes can be permanently damaged, and a woman is at risk of dying.
It’s a big deal, big enough that your sister may never have children going forward.
What she needs at this time is support from her family, and the man who fathered her child, irrelevant of whether or not the relationship continues past this emergency.
He DOES bear some responsibility for this pregnancy. It ain’t all on your sister. The way you speak of your sister is very judgmental throughout your entire story.” Careful_Fennel_4417
