People Demand Our Response To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Hiding My Baked Goods From My Husband?
“I (27F) really like to cook. Especially baking sweets. My husband (26M) and I have been together for 4 years. We both gained a few pounds since being together, but it’s from a mix of eating, restrictions from the global crisis and we are new parents.
I usually make a dessert 2-3 times a month (cake, cookies, brownies, etc). In the past year, my husband started to slightly complain about it, because he keeps saying he wants to lose a few pounds and my desserts are too good to resist.
The two last times I made some, he said that I should stop making desserts. So I ‘stopped’.
I’m still cooking when I feel like it, but I don’t tell him and hide it. I bring about half of it to my grandma.
And I eat the rest over the week. I did this 4 times without him realizing it.
Yesterday, I made a brownie. I did the dishes and left them to dry in the sink. I put half of it in a cupboard he won’t look in, and half of it in a container that I brought to my grandma.
I stayed a little longer at my grandma’s as she needed help with her tv. When I got home, my husband was already there.
He was putting the clean dishes away and casually asked me about what I baked (there was a mixing bowl and measuring cups and a pan, it was obvious I cooked).
Since I didn’t want to lie, I told him it was a brownie, and got it out. He then asked me why it was in that cupboard and why more than half of it was missing.
I told him the truth.
He then said it was a jerk move to hide food from him. I said that I am allowed to cook and eat whatever I want and since he complains and doesn’t have self-control, hiding it seemed like the right decision.
He told me it was immature of me and left the kitchen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried baking what you wanted when you wanted to, and he complained because he has no self-control and ends up eating something he feels he shouldn’t.
You found a good compromise. The only other option is for you to not bake what you want at all, which would mean that he expects you to deprive yourself of what you want because he refuses to control himself, which is unfair and selfish on his part.
You found a way to indulge in what you want without tempting him, and he’s being unfair for saying you were wrong to do it. If he wanted to know when you bake, he shouldn’t have complained when you were baking and letting him know before.” User
Another User Comments:
“He didn’t want you providing baked sweets to him, so you stopped. Even though that meant you either had to also give them up yourself, or go to more effort to keep him from being tempted. You chose more effort.
Fair enough.
Now he wants a brownie, so you’re the ‘immature’ one for being considerate and keeping his temptations away from him like he repeatedly asked? LOL, nah. The grown man expecting you to regulate his control issues is the immature one.
NTJ.” monsteramoons
Another User Comments:
“He’s set up a no-win situation for you. You bake and let him know, he complained, you don’t let him know, he complained. What he wants is for you not to bake at all. Find out why he’s mad.
Does he not want you eating brownies or does he feel left out? Tell him you’re an adult who can make a decision to bake without his agreement and he can pick now whether you tell him or not but you don’t need the complaints about it in either case.
It’s not his business. NTJ.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
21. AITJ For Advising My Partner To Help More With Taking Care Of Our Daughter?
“EVERY night after I get our 2-year-old to sleep, my partner will nonstop complain about how bored he is. He doesn’t currently have a job but is kinda trying to find one.
But only when I bring it up.
Tonight he seemed really weird and I thought something was wrong, and he said he was just bored and he kept sighing. I’d suggest something for him to do, and he’d shoot it down and say no. He does this basically every single night and it gets so annoying.
Finally tonight I told him a way he could most likely fix his late-night boredom. I told him to do what I do, and spend time with our 2-year-old and take care of her and chores, etc during the day so he can appreciate his free time and not be bored or as bored.
All day long he just does whatever he wants. Watch YouTube for hours? Does it. Goes outside to play basketball whenever he wants, also does that. I can’t play games or even go pee by myself because of our daughter and I’m just an adult who has stuff to get done.
By the time 8 pm comes and I can relax, I appreciate every minute I have free. I have fun playing a game or whatever I feel like because I finally can and didn’t during the day.
He had originally had his hand on my leg, but when I mentioned this idea he sighed and took it off.
Then mumbled about how he’d be bored anyway and there’s no guarantee that there will even be a YouTube vid to watch.
He’s very very childish when it comes to this and I’m so lost for what to do.
AITJ for offering this advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know how old you guys are, but you sound somewhere in your 20s at least and he sounds 16. The fact that he’s not working, barely looking, and still doesn’t do chores or help with your child is ridiculous.
He’s freeloading at this point then has the audacity to whine about his boredom. Then, he pouts when you offer a solution to his issue. This man either needs to start helping or get out. You should not be doing this alone.” ClubGroundbreaking85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Could he be saying he’s bored as an initiation for intimacy? Like I know intimacy dynamics sometimes change when partners become parents together. So perhaps that could be something?
I do agree that he’s being lazy, and instead of having one child to take care of, you have two.
I’d seriously tell him that you need to see changes in him, to actually be applying for jobs, and help out. If you feel comfortable doing the aforementioned, let him know that if you don’t see a change in a timeline that suits you and baby you guys need to have a serious conversation about not only your expectations for him but also your future together.
You’re partners, not roommates. Does he know that?” Drawer-Playful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Stop making suggestions and start telling him what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from someone who wants to be your EQUAL partner in a relationship.
Assuming you’re living in a ‘Western’ culture (because I’m aware that this sadly isn’t applicable in all parts of the world), people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated and there are so many resources available to help and support people to get out of harmful situations, so set your boundaries and expectations and walk away from people who actively choose not to respect them.
If a partner values you higher than they value their own laziness then they will willingly meet you in the middle. If they’re not willing to do that, then why are you settling for someone who doesn’t value you as an equal?” SeePerspectives
20. AITJ For Petting An Emotional Support Animal?
“I normally work from home but today I have no internet so I have to go to the library to work. I got on the bus and I sat in a section where other bus riders sit across from you.
20 min into the bus ride a woman got on the bus and sat across from me. She had an incredibly beautiful golden retriever.
Now something I need to preface is that I love dogs. They’re my favorite animal and whenever I see a dog I get giddy and I smile like an idiot.
The dog came up and sniffed my leg. I placed my hand in front of them to see if they were friendly. The dog wagged its tail and I started petting the top of its head.
The owner pulled the dog back and said to me that this was their emotional support animal and that it was wrong of me to pet their dog without permission.
I apologized and kept my hands to myself. She would not let it go though and she continued to chastise me for having pet her dog like that. I was confused and I asked her what she meant. She told me that what I did was incredibly improper and rude.
I apologized again but she wouldn’t stop.
She went into a complete tirade telling me that everyone knows you shouldn’t pet people’s emotional support dogs and I was being a selfish jerk. This woman worked herself up so much that she started crying and told me that I wasn’t treating her like a human being.
I was so freaked out and I couldn’t believe what was happening.
I was about 2 stops away from the library so I just got off and walked the rest of the way. I really didn’t mean for any of that to happen.
Was what I did really so bad? I know you’re not supposed to pet service animals, but there was nothing to indicate that her dog was an emotional support dog.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She let the dog go up to you and interact with you.
It’s not a service animal that has a vest, nothing to indicate from the dog or her that you shouldn’t touch the dog. I would have done the same, you seem to have given ample opportunity for her to say something and she didn’t.
It is more polite to ask but I don’t see anything wrong with what you wrote.” snipesmcduck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s better to ask before petting a strange dog, but the dog came up to YOU and was clearly friendly, you didn’t go out of your way to bother the dog.
An emotional support animal is there to give emotional support, but it is not a trained service animal that can be distracted from its job, like the dogs that help detect seizures. It was also not wearing a vest or anything that would indicate it was a ‘working’ dog.
Next time, ask first, but I don’t think you were in the wrong here.” Thesafflower
Another User Comments:
“Former trainer and groomer – the owner was 100% in the wrong.
If her dog was a service dog then it should be trained not to approach others for attention while working – if the dog can’t do that and maintain its behavior and focus while working then it should still be in training and working in modified environments where the owners are actively rewarding proper behavior and teaching the dog not to approach others and focus while it works.
Her dog was stated to be an emotional service animal – that’s not a service animal and there are different rules. She may or may not have the doctor’s documentation to back that up, but even if she does it doesn’t grant her broad public access with the dog, and any public accommodation she did have the dog would need to behave as if it were working and under control.
Going up to strangers without a command but for attention is not considered as being under control in many/most situations.
Nothing she did was right and she was clearly just unstable and potentially abusing or just not understanding what an emotional service animal is.
NTJ – you didn’t deserve her coming after you once you stopped petting her dog on her request and you backed away. Her dog came up to you for engagement and you just did the normal hand down and pet thing and then stopped when she asked you to stop – that’s about as good as it gets if your dog is running up to strangers and not heeling or being attentive at the owner’s side.” curiouscrumb
19. AITJ For Getting Married A Few Weeks After My Cousin?
“I (22f) have been going out with someone for 2 years while my cousin (21f) who I am very close with, has been seeing a guy for about a year. Last July she got engaged and had a date set for July 2023.
I was asked to be in her bridal party to which I agreed. I then got engaged this past December and later set my date for mid-July. When I set my date I was aware that her wedding was July 1.
I am starting nursing school in August and wanted to make sure I was able to get married before then.
I called my cousin to let her know my wedding would be a couple of weeks after hers this coming July.
She then became frustrated with me that I set my wedding so close to hers when she was engaged first. I explained that she would be back from her honeymoon before my wedding weekend and I would make sure my bachelorette party and bridal shower would not get in the way of hers.
She then said we had nothing left to talk about and hung up. My cousin then tells our whole family about the issue at hand. Everyone takes sides and our family is now split on who is right.
She then calls me a couple of days later to tell me it was best I am not a part of her bridal party.
I was not invited to her bridal shower along with being uninvited from her bachelorette party which I was helping plan. My sisters and mom were also not invited to the bridal shower for her. We did get a wedding invite but have not RSVP’d yet.
Am I the jerk?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your cousin is punishing you for what, stealing her wedding month? That’s not a thing. She kicked you out of her bridal party, she uninvited you from all of the pre-wedding celebrations, and she also kicked out your mother and sisters who did nothing to her just because she’s mad at you.
She isn’t mature enough to be married. Tell her you’ll see her at her next wedding, RSVP no to this one since she clearly doesn’t want you there if she isn’t the center of your world as well as her own.
Enjoy your wedding! Don’t invite your cousin, she’ll probably dump wine on your dress.” sparrowhawk75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as you announced this at the beginning of the year since your family all live in the same area, they have had plenty of time to organize outfits and gifts if they are giving them and travel does not appear to be an issue.
A wedding is for one day, not for a whole month or year.
Having said that, 2 weeks is a little close – they will be talking about your wedding at hers, on the other hand, she will be talking about her honeymoon at yours… if her issue is about gifts, then that does not reflect well on her really.
Only the bride and groom and maybe their parents think about this wedding all the time – everyone else only thinks about it when picking clothes, buying a gift and showing up. The rest of the time they are NOT thinking about your wedding.
Your cousin is deluding herself if she thinks everyone else is as fixated on her wedding as she is.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the stress of a wedding just causes folks to lose it sometimes. Any little change can be the pin that pops the balloon for them.
But you’ve not done anything wrong here. With everyone living in the area and nobody traveling there shouldn’t be a problem. By taking the later date you might get less impressive gifts than she will because some relatives will have already spent what they can, but other than that it literally could not matter less.
The family will get to have two beautiful summer weddings instead of just one and nobody should complain about that.” Beebeemp
18. AITJ For Asking My Wife If She's Decided On A Baby Name Yet?
“Our son was born 3 weeks ago. We had both contributed to a list and had a few ones picked out as finalists, but didn’t have a final name down before his birth, which I didn’t see as a big deal since a lot of times you want to see the newborn before naming them.
I assumed that within a few days at most, we’d finalize a name. I have my favorite selected and told her it, but she didn’t have a favorite finalized herself.
I assumed wrong. I asked a week after the birth if she has an idea what her favorite was, and she said she was still thinking about it.
As of today, she’s still thinking about it, but says that’s okay because we ‘have time’.
I don’t think time is the issue here. At a certain point, I think it’s good to start referring to our son by his name so he gets used to it and identifies with it.
Plus, if it’s been three weeks and you still aren’t sure, the issue seems deeper than simply wanting to see our son before naming him.
I tried delving into the root of the issue by asking what roadblocks there were in being sure, and she just said she keeps weighing the options and not being sure.
I don’t see this changing any time soon, so I told her we need to choose soon.
She insists that I’m pressuring her and that there’s no need to, but it’s been almost a month already.
We should have a name for our son soon. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
At a certain point, not giving him a name is going to cause a lot of problems.
That being said, I hesitate to call her a jerk, because this sounds like it could possibly be related to postpartum anxiety.
It’s extremely common, but can also spiral out of control if she doesn’t have a doctor in the loop. At your baby’s next doctor’s appointment, mention the issues with picking a name and how your wife is having some anxiety about picking the right one.
Your pediatrician should be well-versed in post-partum depression/anxiety and will hopefully point your wife in the right direction. If you don’t have a visit coming up, give her OB or midwife a call.” ShoesAreTheWorst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Fully understand being indecisive about something so powerful and important as a name… but you’re quickly getting into ‘this will be legally problematic’ territory in a lot of places. The kid needs a name. Like, legally, for super important practical reasons.
Normally I’m 100% that names are a ‘2 yes, 1 no’ thing, but it’s ultimatum time. If your wife (who honestly might legit have post-partum depression) can’t or won’t make a decision, I’m not sure anyone could fault you for telling her that you’ll file the paperwork unilaterally at this point (assuming it’s allowed).
As a measure of charity and goodwill, if it comes to you having to do that, probably would be a good idea to pick from the names SHE contributed to the list. And if she really abhors the name down the road… she can do the paperwork to change the name.” Fifty_Shades_of_Nay
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t you suggest that maybe she tear up the list of names when she was pregnant and start over and that you understand she wanted to meet him before choosing a name? You can pick a little nickname to call him while your wife is making her final decision, maybe not having the list will make it easier.
Maybe she’s seeing that list and thinking those are my options but that name doesn’t seem to sit right for my child. If she’s (or thinks she’s) got to choose from a list you made when she was pregnant it might make her think the baby is here but none of these names seem to be right for him.
It really could be as simple as that. No jerks here. Obviously, it’s getting on your nerves which is completely fair. Why not ask her if she still likes the names on the list.” jess1804
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she’s that indecisive then this is a massive issue for her in case she gets it wrong.
Perhaps you need to make that choice for her.
Start calling the baby by the name that you have picked. She may actually like it but just can’t tell you because it means she has to make that choice.
The other option is to stand out the back door and start yelling out names.
When your wife asks you what you are doing… just tell her that you are just testing out names for when your son is being naughty and you need to get his attention by calling out to him across the yard.
And did she like the sound of any of those?” KitchenDismal9258
17. AITJ For Sending A Report To The School About Roaming Kids?
“I work on the second floor of a building, on the first floor there is a library that works with the school. Children from the town also come to the library during the day, to meet and read.
Since the stairs to the second floor are open (no door or anything like that), children who are visiting the library have access to the second floor.
I realize that children make sounds and they need to be allowed to exist. But they have started running all over the place. This presence of theirs has been disturbing our meetings and the daily work of us who have offices on the second floor.
The children talk loudly/scream, they walk in and out of our cafeteria and get themselves biscuits and other things that are bought for the staff on the floor.
I didn’t let this bother me until I came upon one child eating food brought by a colleague for his birthday to share with everyone and then walked in on another child looking in the cupboards for something to eat.
These children are not from homes where there is a lack of food, and there was something to eat on the table if they had just been hungry. I know most of their families and how they are doing, they all get food in school over the day.
So, they are just children walking around unsupervised in a place that happens to have a library, and then doing what children do – except it is starting to annoy me and my colleagues.
Now, I don’t have kids myself and that’s okay.
But when I contacted the school and asked that the parents be informed that the children were not allowed to be on the second floor of the building, I received a rather cold response from parents afterward. They seem to think of me as some sort of ‘Childless cruel woman who doesn’t want children around her’ and let me know that I was making a big deal out of the situation.
Really?
Like, we may be in a difficult meeting, with sensitive people, and in the middle of discussing some awkward matters, need to excuse the shouting and yelling outside of the room because the kids are arguing about who will get cocoa from the office coffee machine next.
To not be able to keep anything in the cafeteria and be sure that it won’t be taken/eaten by some kid. To have to clean up when they are gone because they have spilled or left some cups around.
So, AITJ for contacting the school and asking them to send a message (the best way to reach all at once) to parents about the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your building gave permission for students at the school to visit the library and has learned that no good deed goes unpunished.
The students were invited to visit the library. That doesn’t give them a license to roam around the rest of the building. And it certainly doesn’t give them a license to steal food that is meant for staff.
In addition to the above, there could be legal problems as well.
I assume the students that wander away from the library aren’t being supervised by staff from the school. What if they get hurt? What if they damage property? I’m not a lawyer, and I don’t know how kid-safe the rest of your building is but sounds like it could cause potential problems.
If the school wants to take their students to the library, they need to supervise them and make sure they stay in the library. This is a no-brainer.” TheCodonbyte
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think you’re going about it the wrong way.
If the downstairs is a place where kids can run around unsupervised (which kids need) then it will be hard for the parents to keep them from going up the stairs. And they’d have to send this message over and over since there are always new kids and new parents.
Can you get the building manager to place one of those chain link ropes across the stairs with a sign saying ‘Private offices’ or something like that? This will discourage the kids from coming up and make it clear to parents that it’s not an area where kids should be.” panic_bread
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, someone needs to install a child gate at the top of the stairs. Or install a keypad lock on the kitchen door.
You guys are paying rent for the office space so complain to the landlord – and threaten to end your contract if they don’t accommodate you.
So what if their entitled parents are mad, they learned that behavior from somewhere. If you send another email stress that important conversations are happening.
Whoever is watching those kids should be reprimanded, especially when food is involved and children are susceptible to allergies.” Actual_Moment_6511
16. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A Hoodie?
“I’m a high school senior who recently got into Carnegie Mellon’s Engineering program. To be honest, it wasn’t one of my top choices, but it’s still one of the best engineering programs in the world. My parents, however, are less than pleased. My dad didn’t even know what CMU was when I got in, when I told him I got in he immediately checked its US News ranking and laughed it off as a crappy school.
My father is a close-minded and traditional man, and he thinks college admissions are the way they were 30 years ago–back when MIT, Stanford, Berkeley (his alma mater), and the Ivies were the only good colleges, back when USC was considered a backwater state school, and back when 1550, a 4.0, and some decent extracurriculars could carry you into Harvard.
He had convinced himself I was smart enough to get into an ‘elite’ college, so when I got rejected and waitlisted everywhere else he freaked out. To him, CMU was the same as some trashy state school, an embarrassment to his legacy, and I think my mom agrees.
After committing to CMU, naturally, the issue of finances followed. As you all know, colleges are expensive, and almost all families have to go to great lengths to pay tuition. After I committed, my dad had a ‘talk’ with me where he kept likening CMU to community college, and stated ‘out of the goodness of his heart’ he was willing to pay 25k/yr for my tuition (CMU’s full tuition is 85k/yr and we didn’t get any aid).
Now that seems pretty generous, but we live in Silicon Valley and my dad works as a lawyer; he owns several high-value properties and has invested a lot in stocks. My mom doesn’t work but takes out loans on expensive cars (Tesla, Volvo) and shops at Zara, UO, and Whole Foods.
So they could pay more than 25k/yr if they tried. But fine, it’s their money, I’m not entitled to any of it.
Now most colleges will send hoodies/sweatshirts after a student commits, but CMU sent us a flag instead.
I was pretty annoyed because I could use some new clothes and I wanted to wear some CMU swag for College Day at my high school. So I asked my mom if I could buy the CMU hoodie online for $30.
She refused, claiming she was ‘penny-pinching’ for my expensive tuition and I shouldn’t waste $30 on ‘trivial things.’ I told her that was pretty hypocritical considering her luxurious lifestyle; furthermore, they were paying 25k/yr, which is like 2% of their yearly income.
It’s fine if she doesn’t want to pay for my college, but now she was judging me for wanting to drop $30 of my own money (I worked full-time over the summer) on a piece of clothing I need anyway. She screamed that I was a spoiled, ungrateful piece of trash, a parasite, and a disappointment to our family; she hasn’t said a word to me since, and neither has my dad.
I don’t know what to think. On one hand, it IS their money, and I have no right to it. On the other hand, if they don’t want to pay for my college, then they should say that outright instead of claiming they’re ‘penny-pinching.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents really need to get their priorities straightened out and $30 isn’t a ridiculous price to pay for a sweatshirt. If they need a more ‘practical’ reason for you to buy it, I’m sure you could make something up about needing clothes more appropriate to the weather where your new university is.
Even if it’s not your first choice, congrats on your acceptance!” frog-enby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so just because they are paying for part of your college, you shouldn’t be allowed to spend a single penny of your own money that you work for outside of necessity?
That isn’t being realistic at all and it’s very weird to me to learn that a parent in a household, where the household income is very well into six figures, would be appalled at their child wanting a $30 clothing item.
I myself am appalled that she didn’t say ‘Honey, don’t spend your money. save it. I will buy the hoodie for you.'” Budget_Mouse_7858
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is ridiculous.
Honestly, even though technically you aren’t entitled to their money, you would be absolutely right to feel like they are being unsupportive and cheap towards you.
It’s beyond ridiculous that your education beyond high school isn’t a priority for them. Why did they have children in the first place, they ought to be happy you are actually building your future and willing to study.
I’m sorry you have such disappointing parents, OP.
You deserve better. Congratulations on getting in! I hope you can move on, build a new life away from them and enjoy it to the fullest despite them being so unsupportive and disappointing.” IndividualRoyal9426
15. AITJ For Going To Work Early In The Morning?
“My downstairs neighbor has been a source of stress for me because of his constant banging. He bangs when he feels I’m too noisy.
However, I truly am not an obnoxious individual. I do not play loud music (or music at all), I do not host late-night parties, I do not clean at odd hours, I do not have crazy loud hobbies, and I do not exercise in my apartment.
I feel as though I even take extra precautions to be quiet such as never wearing shoes in my apartment and walking on strategically placed towels and other pieces of cloth to dampen my footsteps.
The worst is in the mornings.
The thing is my job necessitates me leaving for work at 5 am. When my phone alarm goes off to wake me up he bangs. When I take a shower he bangs. Now because of my work, my sleep schedule can be out of whack sometimes.
For instance, I’ll walk across my apartment to cook something at 2 am, and he’ll bang. The cooking itself is not the source of noise, no pots and pans clanging, but rather the walking. Or I’ll be on my phone, and on accident, it’ll slip out of my hand, hit my face, and then the ground and he’ll bang.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own apartment. I feel like I can’t use my TV without headphones because he’ll bang. This morning, and the inspiration for this story, I literally just stood up out of my bed and put my feet on the ground to get ready for work, and he banged. Though am I a jerk for having a job that makes me leave for work at 5 am?
Am I a jerk for tripping over a shoe in my own apartment?
I feel the real source of the problem is the cheap materials the building is made out of. We live in hands down the cheapest apartments in the cheapest neighborhood of the city.
The rent is a steal. I feel like no matter who lived here, or how loud/quiet they were, he’d be able to hear them, and he’d bang.
I have gone and spoken with him about this, and very tactfully explained that I do indeed make an effort but he just gets angry and then I say that I feel his expectations are unreasonable.
I pay over $1000 a month to live somewhere without roommates, I ought to be able to come and go as I please. I ought to be able to cook myself a meal in my own home.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Your neighbor is harassing you. This is beyond unreasonable. You should not be made to feel bad for existing in your own home. You have a few options on how to handle this which I’m sure you’ve considered but really your neighbor is causing the noise issue with all the banging.
It really is harassment.” -RosieRosie-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is what happens when apartments are made with paper.
I get that it’s annoying to hear the people upstairs moving but tell him next time he complains that if he doesn’t want to hear anything, he can move.
The only thing I’d suggest you change is taking a shower at night and not early morning because that is something that makes a lot of noise in those types of buildings. But besides that, I’d start watching TV without headphones and maybe even jump and make more noise when he starts banging on the wall when you’re doing nothing too noisy.” Eris-Ares
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he is far louder than you with all that banging. It could be a lot worse for him. You are going above and beyond being considerate.
Are there neighbors on the side of his apartment?
Below? If so, do they have anything to say about all this banging? He is harassing you. Living in an apartment means dealing with a certain amount of noise. His expectations are unreasonable. Talk to your landlord and let them know what is going on then go about your business.
I assume the landlord will understand that you need to work to pay your rent.” 2Whom_it_May_Concern
14. AITJ For Telling My Husband To File A Police Report Against His Late Dad?
“My husband (m30) and I (f27) are preparing to buy our first home. We both work full time, making above minimum wage, but not enough that either of us can get a home with our single income.
Yesterday, in a conversation with the bank, we were informed that there are 4 collection accounts in my husband’s name, all going back to 2018. Power, internet, and 2 credit cards. After a few hours, we were able to link each of these accounts to his father’s previous address.
The bill is just shy of $6,000.
After multiple conversations, we have realized the only way to clear this debt from causing issues to his credit rating is to file a police report for fraud.
His father died suddenly last September, and my husband doesn’t want to tarnish his father’s name and is afraid his family will look down on him for doing this.
He is on the fence about how this will look if it gets out.
I look at it differently, we took a massive hit paying for the funeral (FIL had no money, and no life insurance), I know it’s his dad, but we will be years recovering from the implications of this.
None of the recovery agencies are willing to give us a bill paid in full, and even if we do pay this debt we will lose the down payment we have busted our behinds to raise again over the past 7 months.
We aren’t even close to having the buying power we had last September because we only saved about half of our original down payment.
So, AITJ for asking him to make the police report? It’s not an ideal situation, but how much more can I let his father’s poor financial decision in life impact our future, especially now that he’s gone?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You both have valid points of view, but in this situation, your husband was the one wronged by FIL’s actions and gets to decide whether the price tag and added hardship are worth his father’s name.
We could all speculate whether your husband knew about it, whether his motives to not make a report are pure, or whether there are other options, but neither you making a valid suggestion, nor him being the wronged party and choosing how to approach the matter are jerk moves.
Good luck with the situation.” AndyThatSaysNi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the man is dead, it’s incredibly unlikely that the police would take any action in response to the report. Filing a police report has no inherent, automatic effect; the police have to choose to investigate.
(Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as ‘pressing charges’ for private persons, really. Only the police and prosecutor decide which criminal charges get filed. And they’re busy and unlikely to spend time on a dead perpetrator.) If that’s what is required for the credit issue to be fixed, it likely can be done without consequence to anyone.
The family probably will not know unless you tell them.” theawkwardcourt
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s only been about half a year since he passed. It’s pretty likely your husband’s father’s death is still weighing on him really heavily, and not wanting to tarnish his reputation, while not inherently logical, also isn’t that out there of a feeling to have about doing something like this.
Some kids can’t even bring themselves to do that even when their parents are still alive. At the same time, obviously, I do understand and empathize with your situation. You’re being dragged in to pay a lot for something that is ultimately not your fault and on a purely logical level has a way more reasonable solution.
Death and family just often aren’t logical. I hope you guys will figure out a way to handle this and wish you luck either way.” typoincreatiob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a grown man, your FIL knew EXACTLY what he was doing.
Your FIL committed identity theft and fraud, which are very serious and land people in prison. It’s one thing to scam strangers out of their info (still messed up but still) but for someone to steal the identity of their own CHILD?!
Your husband needs to understand that his father didn’t care about the consequences to his child, so why should his child care about the consequences of filing a police report on your dead, deceptive father who literally put you into debt and has screwed up your credit.
Sorry for your loss, but that’s not okay.” Amelianikhol
13. AITJ For Thinking Of Going No Contact With My Partner's Mom?
“About a year and a half ago, I (23F) posted a very mild bikini photo on my social media.
Wasn’t anything crazy, we live in a beach town, and I thought it was a good pic of me… I think this is also the only bikini photo I have posted. Either way, I feel I’m an adult and as long as I don’t care and my partner (25M) isn’t bothered by my content then it’s no one else’s concern.
His mom comments on this photo, ‘what the heck’. I delete this comment and block her, meanwhile, my partner & his sister have already seen the comment, and have been talking with their mom about it. They agree she is out of line, and are telling her off basically.
She then also comments something else about how the photo was over-filtered pretty much, off of her partner’s account or one she made using his name, to which I block that account as well. She soon after tried one more time after I felt I had to go private, to request to follow me from a blank account called ‘mushroomlovr’ or something (I have a hobby of identifying wild mushrooms which is why I think she believed I’d assume this wasn’t her and just a harmless fellow mushroom lover) and I block this account as well because I’m not stupid.
LOL.
So, that’s the end of that, and she began messaging my partner for the remainder of that day about how I was basically a scarlet woman & he should break up with me. Since then, I have had 0 communication with her.
I did nothing to provoke this & I won’t tolerate being bullied by her. Side note – she is a borderline heavy drinker and has weird emotional familial tendencies towards my partner, in my opinion. She’s also previously made offhand comments about me looking pregnant & ‘chunky’, having hairy legs, etc. Not a nice lady to be around, & she never apologized for that last huge situation.
However, at that point, she will invite me to her and my partner’s dinners every now and then and acts like nothing ever happened. My partner’s family, his sister, & kinda my partner (a little bit he still respects my decision mostly), all think I should probably be over it by now & accept this is just how she is + accept getting no apology; let bygones be bygones.
I don’t agree.
I am already quite an insecure person, so things like her comments about me looking pregnant still linger in my head often, and by the way, I was literally 95 lbs at the time (underweight). That last situation just sent me all the way over the edge, and I didn’t understand… I had given her respect from day 1, despite my wanting to stand up for myself many times prior (I can be quite confrontational when it’s necessary but because of who she is I always held my tongue).
In my family, my mom had gone no contact with my dad for years, so I am also no stranger to cutting people off and I think my partner’s mom deserves no contact from me as well. Or maybe until a big & sincere apology is given.
AITJ? Should I just get over it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she absolutely should apologize but you should think ahead about how this is going to affect both your partner and the relationship you have with him. If you look down the road there will be many, many times when he will be forced to choose between you and his mom – birthdays, holidays, trips, etc. His always being forced to choose will put a big strain on him and therefore your relationship.
If this doesn’t get cleaned up, somehow, some way and by whomever, you’ll almost assuredly break up over it.” Solid-Order-514
Another User Comments:
“It’s not about forgiveness and forgetting. It’s about not wanting to be around someone who is unpleasant and rude.
She brings nothing to your table.
We can’t always choose who our co-workers and classmates are but we all can choose who we spend our private lives with and our downtime. She just didn’t make the cut.
She brings you no joy and subtracts from your well-being.
It’s not necessary to have more than a cordial relationship with her when meeting at occasional social get-togethers (weddings, birthdays) but it’s not necessary for you otherwise to be in the same place with her for family dinners or small get-togethers.
NTJ.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may find that this family has unfortunately grown used to her shenanigans and lets her inappropriate behavior slide for the sake of keeping the peace.
I’d keep your profile private and set some hard boundaries on your relationship with her.
Make sure your partner is on the same page and will support you.” pragmaticpomegranate
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Become My Sister's Nanny?
“I (36F) have quite a few minor health conditions that require doctor appointments often. My younger sister (25), Mary, is married with 3 kids – a 6-year-old boy, a 3-year-old daughter, and a 2-year-old daughter. Her husband (30) is about to be kicked out of the military in a little over 2 months.
Mary works for a local pizza place to help supplement some income.
On my way back from a doctor’s appointment, I received a call from Mary. She was asking if I’d reconsider being their nanny so she could get a full-time job because they can’t afford child care.
When I explained that it would be very difficult because of my appointments, all I got was an ‘I was afraid you’d say that.’ We hung up and I didn’t hear anything else.
A few hours later, I got a text in a group message with my Mom, Mary, and me.
‘We need to discuss childcare. I talked to both of you separately but we need to figure SOMETHING out. I HAVE to get a job or we risk losing our house.’ I haven’t responded because I already know I will end up saying something I’ll regret.
My instant first thought was ‘Why is it up to Mom and me? THEY’RE YOUR KIDS!’ I already know my Mom refused because she cares for my grandmother.
AITJ for not wanting to become her nanny? Am I so bad for instantly having the thought I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can say no simply because you don’t want to and that’s fine as well, but in this instance, it will also compromise your ability to look after your health, which is equally as important as Mary’s life circumstances.
It depends on how you want to handle this. You’re well within your rights to just persist with the boundary with no additional explanation, but if it was me I’d explain in the group message again that this isn’t not wanting to but because it is simply not something I can do due to my health issues.
You don’t have to do this, of course, this just seems to me to be the best way to limit the drama and guilt tripping (which you’ll probably get anyway but it might lessen it).” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she cannot afford childcare, then why is she suggesting that you become their nanny?! Nannies aren’t a free option; nannies need to pay bills too! And it’s also perfectly valid that you don’t have the availability due to your health issues and your mom has no time due to being the unpaid carer for your grandmother.
Reality bows to no one, and while you might want to help, that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to drop your own responsibilities in order to be free childcare for someone else.
If her husband is getting kicked out of the military (I’m very curious as to what he did to get kicked out), then he is the person who needs to step up immediately to fill the hole in their marital life plan.
Either he needs to work his butt off to get a new job or he needs to be the designated childcare while your sister gets the job.” Normal-Height-8577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are correct they are her kids and she is asking you to be a full-time nanny for her kids.
Again, she is asking YOU to take on a full-time job of being a nanny. If you don’t want a full-time job the answer is no. The salary for a full-time nanny is about $20,000 to $25,000 plus expenses for kids’ food, gas, etc. Is she willing to pay you a salary?
This is not a ‘we need to figure something out’ kind of situation. It is ‘she’ who needs to figure it out. I would not argue about the medical appointments – it is just ‘No. I don’t want to be the kids’ nanny or babysitter.’ You should not have to give a reason.” Not_the_maid
11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Snooping On My Medical Results?
“I (23M) had recently gone to the hospital for some b***dwork and general healthcare work.
I live with my parents still because the global crisis affected me during my last year of college. The hospital I go to has a system in place where patients can choose to receive their results through email or by a physical letter, I wanted the Email as I don’t want my parents to know about certain tests I took.
About a week goes by and I get my results in an email, all my results are fine except for a slight increase in my cholesterol from the last time. Today, however, I get a text from my mother showing a physical letter denoting some of the b***d work and test results I got done, and she scolded me about the result for my cholesterol.
I was mortified because I also had some very personal tests I requested to take for my own well-being and the fact that she went through a letter that was meant for me and for my eyes only that wasn’t supposed to be delivered. So I tried to calmly talk to her about what she did and she went off on me, calling me an idiot and a few other choice words.
The argument escalated and she told me ‘If you feel like this is a problem then why don’t you move out so you can die alone and no one will know you’re dead.’ At this point, I’m completely done with her self-righteousness.
I eventually went back to my room and I called the hospital to file a complaint because there was not supposed to be a physical letter to begin with, the hospital said they’ll look into it as it might be a HIPAA violation on their part.
Later on, I was making dinner for myself and she made a remark about me cooking a spinach omelet. ‘You cannot be eating eggs, your doctor said so.’ I snapped at her and replied, ‘You shouldn’t have been reading through my mail at all.’ To which she said ‘You are so ungrateful,’ and stormed off to go to my sister’s house.
So the question remains, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OMG move out and maybe don’t look back.
I could see opening mail and dealing with medical stuff being a regular habit for a parent to do, especially if you are living there or they pay for things.
Parents sometimes need help learning to let go and understanding boundaries as kids grow up. But the reaction – wow. I hope you find a therapist to support you. I can’t imagine that’s the first time she talked to you like that.
Those things tend to echo throughout your future relationships, even when you think you’ve gotten away from them. Therapy, deep breath, and a reminder that it wasn’t okay for her to try to insult, shame, and threaten you.” chikfender
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time mom says something to you about your health, tell her she is going to be the star witness in your HIPAA violation case, which will bring you enough money to buy your own place outright with no mortgage, and she will have the option of either committing perjury or admitting she broke federal laws by opening mail not addressed to her.
If she still has a working brain cell that should shut her up.” IntroductionPast3342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother violated your privacy and violated Federal laws with respect to mail. She simply cannot open your mail. And she is downright hysterical to make such an infantile remark to you.
She is not adapting to your adulthood, something quite common among parents. You might need to move out to get the distance you need, although that’s exactly what she doesn’t want you to do but what she needs to accept.” Galapgosian
10. AITJ For Telling On My Sibling To Our Parents?
“My (22F) younger sibling Wynn (16NB) recently got their driver’s license. My state no longer requires the passing of a road test to obtain the license, just a statement signed by a guardian stating that they completed the required practice hours.
Our parents tend to be strict, which has led to neither Wynn nor I going to them for most things, instead confiding in each other. We both have/had our rebellious phases that come with navigating around strict parents, theirs is ongoing.
Our parents have mellowed out a little in the last couple of years and are more reasonable with Wynn and letting them do typical teen things (ie date, go out with friends, stay out late, etc). A lot of this has to do with the fact that I’ve done a lot of convincing and reminding them that the parenting tactics they used on me will not work on Wynn as we have completely opposite personalities, so they’re more lax on Wynn and they also take my input into account since I know Wynn better than anyone besides Wynn themself.
All of this is something Wynn knows, and they confide in me knowing I won’t tell our parents anything unless the thing Wynn confides in me about presents an immediate danger to themself or others around them. This was the understood agreement, that anything they said to me was confidential unless it posed an immediate threat.
However, this past weekend I was at my parents’ house visiting Wynn (I live elsewhere but close enough that I visit regularly) and Wynn showed me videos they took with their friend of Wynn driving our dad’s car at 55 mph with soda in one hand and phone in the other.
No hands on the wheel, driving with their knees. Reckless driving at its finest. There were several other videos, and when I told them to seriously cut it out their response was ‘I’m a good driver, I won’t get into an accident.’ Then brushed me off.
I felt like there was no other choice besides telling our parents because they have more authority.
Now Wynn has lost phone privileges and is grounded from going out alone while our parents figure out how to handle the situation.
Our parents have seen the videos so Wynn can’t deny anything. They’re calling me a jerk. I know I could have handled this better. I just want them to stay safe. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Wynn is grateful none of the videos have been sent out to the police.
At 16 (depending on where you live), you can be charged as an adult and have your license revoked and never be able to get it back.
And I highly doubt this was Wynn’s first time doing this either. So for everyone’s sake, it was best that the videos went straight to your parents.” Jadedslay03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When it comes to saving someone’s life (which is what you did), the usual stuff about how you promised to keep a secret, or ratting out your sibling is verboten, or it’s best to let people work things out for themselves, is all off the table.
I don’t think you could have handled this any better. As a responsible adult, you had to tell your folks, and you had to show them proof. And that’s what you did.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they could have harmed themselves or worse, someone else with their thoughtless actions.
They don’t yet seem to be mature enough to be responsible about driving. You did the right thing and assuming Wynn is a good person who just did a stupid teen thing, they will eventually understand that.” EmptyVisage
9. AITJ For Being Angry At My Brother-In-Law For Going On Vacation While His Husband Is Sick?
“Last Friday, my brother went to minor care for what he thought was just a bad illness.
It turns out he had sepsis and he was hospitalized immediately with a half-hour regimen of antibiotics ($800 a bag). My father and I flew down to see him and found out that his husband had left Friday night to go on a short vacation to Mérida, Mexico with his family.
My brother was in the ICU till Monday with the doctor unsure if he was going to survive. Thankfully we were able to take him to his home on Monday afternoon but he has to get a battery of tests to see what damage this did to his organs.
Last night, my brother’s husband returned as if nothing had happened and was showing all the crap he brought home from Mexico. I tore into him about how insensitive he was and called him a crappy spouse for abandoning my brother in a time of need. He responded that ‘nothing happened’ and ‘my brother is fine’ so there is no need for hostilities.
He had also commented that gay marriages are different and I wouldn’t understand.
Where I think I went too far is I remarked that if a gay spouse means you are stuck with an uncaring jerk like him, I don’t understand why anyone would get married in the first place.
This morning my brother said his husband cried most of the night and I was too hard on him. So I’m thinking maybe I need an outside opinion because everyone with an opinion here is way too close to the situation to be objective.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His spouse went into hospital and he swanned off on vacation?
Even if he didn’t know how serious it was when he left, you’d think he would be checking in through the time away, and as soon as he found out how serious it was, either coming back early or at the very least showing huge concern and care once he was back.
‘He had also commented that gay marriages are different and I wouldn’t understand.’
No. Just no. This is some weird-level crap.
The only way the spouse isn’t the jerk is if he didn’t know his partner was hospitalized before he left.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This situation doesn’t have much of anything to do with your brother, though the backstory was necessary. What this comes down to is that your BIL tried to ostracize you while you were concerned about your brother’s health (sepsis is not a joke!) and acted like he had some higher authority that was beyond you.
When you responded the way that you did, it was out of fear and love for your brother, not necessarily so much about the anger you felt toward your BIL. You were responding in kind, though not in kindness.
Whether you want to or not, you need to salvage this relationship with your BIL, for your brother’s sake.
Invite both of them to a meal somewhere and speak honestly: you were worried about your brother, and you feel that maybe some things about the situation weren’t made clear to you. That gives them the chance to explain their side of things.
You should also make it clear (politely!) that you don’t appreciate being told that you couldn’t possibly understand someone’s preference of going on a vacation instead of being there, in the hospital. If your brother and BIL had some sort of agreement that the vacation plans were fine, then it’s up to you to apologize and remind them that you didn’t know that.
But unless their vows were written to be different, ‘in sickness and in health’ is still in there, right?” lydsbane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sepsis has a 20-50% mortality rate that then increases by something like 5-7% every hour you go without treatment.
It’s quite frankly one of the worst medical outcomes you can have short from a horrifyingly traumatic injury and some ultra-aggressive cancers. Your BIL either hates your brother or is a massive idiot because chances are better than not that your brother ISN’T fine and if he is, it’ll be its own little miracle, given he probably was ignoring the symptoms for a bit of time if he thought it was just a bad illness.” MagicCarpet5846
8. AITJ For Teaching My Nephew A Lesson By Embarrassing Him In Front Of A Girl?
“My 17-year-old nephew’s going through this like rebellious phase where he won’t listen to anyone and keeps acting up.
Because of this, my brother asked if I could take him for a few weeks because my niece developed some health issues (unrelated to his behavior since the health issues started way after his behavior). I said sure. I laid down some rules for my nephew on the first day.
I was relaxed but my one strict rule was no guests. Nothing personal, just don’t want random kids in my house. But he’s allowed to hang out with them in the backyard or anywhere else so long as he’s back by 11 pm and he stays out of trouble.
It was going well for the first couple of days but I caught a girl sneaking out at 4 in the morning which gave me a heart attack. I let them both have it and told my nephew if this happened again then we’ll have to revisit the rules if he isn’t mature enough to handle them.
Not even a week later, it’s around 1 am and I’m chilling in my room. I’m usually asleep by this time but I had a day off work. I heard giggling and just knew that he had a girl in the house.
I decided to embarrass him because scolding/yelling wasn’t working. I stood outside his door, knocked real loud, and yelled ‘I forgot to tell you, but your anime cosplay costume came in. It’s in the basement if you want to try it on!’
Now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with anime or cosplaying. But my nephew and the type of people he hangs out with do not like it. I heard the girl laugh before my nephew ran to the door, unlocked it, and began going ‘what are you talking about.’ I gave him a look, he rolled his eyes and I told him the girl has to leave.
Side note… it was a whole other girl. She was laughing the whole time.
She finally left and my nephew started yelling at me for embarrassing him. He said that if I ruined his social life he’d hate me forever.
I told him not to disrespect me then and said he should be glad I didn’t embarrass him even more. He said that it would’ve been better if I just yelled at them and I reminded him of the last time which shut him up.
I then told him that either way, the girl clearly knew I was joking but I’d actually order a costume just for him next time if he brings another girl over. He went ‘screw you’ then ran to his room.
It’s been a few days and he hasn’t had any girls over and instead hangs out in the backyard with his friends. I feel like it might’ve worked but he’s still upset about the joke. He told me that the girl told her friend group and now like 5 girls think he’s an anime cosplayer.
I told him that they‘re just teasing him but he insists I’ve ruined his rep. I don’t know, I don’t have kids and I do feel a little bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not only was the joke pretty harmless, but it’s also the kind that only hurts in the first place due to his bad attitude.
If he didn’t look down on other people’s interests, he wouldn’t have been so embarrassed.
And I don’t want to get in your business, but maybe double-check that he has access to protection? If he’s sneaking girls into your home twice, he’s obviously going to keep messing around no matter what you do (even if it’s not at your house).
The last thing a teenager who’s already having problems needs is to become an accidental father…” Charming-Barnacle-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You threaded a tricky situation just perfectly. Pointing out that the ‘Just yell’ response he suggested was exactly what didn’t work last time gave him no standing to complain.
As with the best in martial arts, you used his own moves for the momentum to lead him to where you wanted him to be. All he has to do to avoid escalation is behave like you asked him to from the beginning.
I’d be very surprised if he doesn’t come and thank you for the humor and boundaries some time (maybe much) later on.” FiberKitty
7. AITJ For Keeping All The Red Gatorade To Myself?
“I’m a big fan of Gatorade, and I have a specific reason for buying it. I have low b***d sugar and dehydration issues, and my doctor recommended that I drink Gatorade to help keep my electrolytes in balance. However, I’m also neurodivergent, and it’s hard for me to change things up and try new flavors, so I only buy the red kind as it’s the only one I like.
Yesterday, I went to the grocery store on their stock day, and I saw that they had a fresh shipment of Gatorade. I was so happy because I had been running low at home. I grabbed the bottles of the red flavor and put them in my cart.
As I was walking away, a mom with two kids approached me and asked if I could spare a few bottles of red Gatorade. She explained that it was her kid’s favorite flavor and that they were out of stock at their local store.
I felt bad for her, but I explained that I needed the Gatorade for my own health reasons and that I couldn’t spare any.
The mom got really upset and started to yell at me, saying that I was being selfish and that I should think about others.
I tried to explain my situation again, but she wouldn’t listen and kept telling me I could just take the blue Gatorade instead. I just started to ignore her after a while, and eventually, she stormed off.
Now I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.
Should I have given her some of the Gatorade, even though I needed it for my own health? Or was I justified in keeping it all for myself? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been kind to give the mom a couple of bottles – especially since you still had some at home but it sounds like what you got is roughly a week’s worth for you.
It would be smart to set up a regular delivery or discuss your needs with the local store but based on my experience stocking Gatorade (In an area where football players and heavy drinkers would do this exact thing every week) I would be shocked if they didn’t have more in the back.
The mom should have been talking to employees, not you.” curtangel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You bought a quantity of red Gatorade that will last you a week or a fortnight depending on your consumption, from the information you describe.
There is really no reason why you needed to take all that at once rather than purchase some at a later date as well.
If you consume that much of a particular item (relative to the quantity that is available) you really should order it from a wholesaler or speak to the store manager because stores don’t purchase in anticipation of one person clearing out all their stock.
I’d ask you to consider something: what if the person asking you has issues that mean they are only comfortable drinking the red Gatorade as well? Because while that’s likely not the case, you don’t have a clue, and if you have certain issues you shouldn’t assume that you’re the only person that has them or that your issues are more important than someone else’s.
And this is why, in my view, no matter what our issues are we shouldn’t be entitled and greedy because we equally don’t know what anyone else is dealing with. I understand you deciding that you can only drink red Gatorade; I’m just not sure why you think that entitles you to all the red Gatorade in a store on restock day.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you’d arrived at the same time as the other customer, it would have been appropriate to share.
But you had it first. It’s a shop; you go there to buy stuff; the shop is responsible for meeting demand, not you.
If the shop isn’t ordering enough to meet customer demand (including yours), then that’s their problem, not yours. They need to see the empty shelf, and perhaps hear some customer complaints, so they realize they’re not ordering enough. If you just take less than you want, they’ll never get the message.” mattmelb69
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’.
I’m going to go with the old ‘you’re not wrong, you’re just a jerk’ here. You are under no obligation to give up any goods you intend on purchasing, however, you are kind of a jerk for not giving a couple of kids a bottle of their favorite Gatorade.
Since you don’t want to try other flavors (and yes even if you’re neurodivergent it’s because you don’t WANT to and not you CAN’T) you should understand how important a favorite flavor is.
The mother is also a jerk for berating you after you said no. Like I said you don’t have to give up anything, and her screeching at you for it is rude and awful.
I’m sorry she yelled, but not letting two kids have their favorite drink because you ‘need’ all of them is a bit of a jerk move too.” lion-lobster
6. AITJ For Calling Out My Grandpa's Comment About A Tattooed Woman?
“My grandpa is 81, so, of course, he is of a ‘different generation’. However, my personal mindset is that this doesn’t excuse any antiquated beliefs, so that’s why I (as a ‘woke’ teenage girl) took issue with this exchange.
My grandpa was talking to my mother (his daughter) about how he’s been enjoying the new restaurant that was built in their retirement facility. He mentioned that they have a buffet table for hotdogs and hamburgers, so there’s a staff member they interact with.
In this case, my grandpa mentioned that one day, the staff member was (in his words) an ‘attractive’ young woman. But he said he noticed her full sleeve of tattoos and was taken aback. He then said he asked the woman, why she ‘as an attractive woman would get a full sleeve of tattoos’.
I was kind of shocked he would ask this, as it seems kind of… rude. And also creepy? His implication that women are less attractive with tattoos is fine, it’s his opinion, but asking someone who is just doing their job why they don’t conform to your standards of beauty is weird to me.
So, I told him I thought it was kind of a creepy question to ask.
His defense was that the woman herself answered and seemingly wasn’t offended, but I emphasized that wouldn’t be the case with everyone, and in all honesty, he had no idea how she felt considering she was working as a server and was likely being polite as a part of her job.
My mom and grandpa were mad at me and my mom really emphasized that I wasn’t ‘respecting my elders’, but I genuinely just wanted to make my grandpa aware (if he wasn’t already) that it’s kind of an odd and uncomfortable thing to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Respecting your elders’ is nonsense. People don’t deserve respect just because they’re old – respecting your elders means respecting their wisdom, their knowledge from a life long-lived. It does NOT mean putting up with gross statements.
He also asked a STAFF MEMBER. She couldn’t be rude if she was on the job. It is 100% an uncomfortable thing to do, and it’s extremely rude. 100% implying that ‘attractive women’ don’t have tattoos/shouldn’t want tattoos. If anyone ever said that to me, I’d give them an earful.” Hazel2468
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ
You clearly have no problem picking up social cues, and you understand that the server would be forced to be polite while at work even if she found the question rude. Your grandpa has zero awareness of such things.
Thank goodness you are here to tell him about the mistakes he is making. All too often I encounter rude, racist, misogynistic older people who are never in a position to be taught to behave politely because they are surrounded by people who feel obliged to handle their delicate elderly feelings with kid gloves, and never correct them.
It’s absolute nonsense that older people can’t learn.
Don’t tell your grandpa that it was merely ‘odd and uncomfortable’ because that undersells the issue. Tell him he was a rude boor. Or say his behavior was low-class. Whatever his personal snobbery consists of, tell him he violated it.
Frame it in a way to make him embarrassed for his rudeness. I say this because you’ve tried to humanize this tattooed woman and he didn’t see her as a person.” Quellecrist
Another User Comments:
“Assuming your grandfather doesn’t have a neurological problem that renders him disinhibited, what he said to the server was extremely rude.
It may well be that in his generation, it was unusual for women to have tattoos, but asking intimate, insulting, challenging questions about a woman’s body was still rude – very rude! Possibly even more rude than it’s considered today as talking to a woman about her body was far more taboo.
There is also the issue of misogyny, which of course, men tended to get away with more readily way back when. But assuming your grandfather is of normal intelligence and watches TV or reads a newspaper, he’s very much aware that things have changed in this regard, and that what was once acceptable is no longer OK.
NTJ. But he is.” Nester1953
5. AITJ For Requesting To Be Moved To A New Work Area?
“I (22m) have severe asthma and have had it since I was a child, I work at FedEx which supposedly has a no-smoking rule in place at the warehouse but a few of the people in my work area smoke like crazy.
I’ve asked them to not do it around me and even explained why but they don’t care.
I went to management and they said something would be done about it but nothing ever came of it, so I went to the plant manager and requested a new work area, and now the manager of that specific area and the people in it are calling me the jerk because they will be required to do more work if I get moved, and even went as far as calling and texting my personal phone trying to guilt trip me into staying because I’m the only one who can do the job in that area.
I tried to get them to stop but they won’t budge and I have to prioritize my health over other people’s feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are letting people smoke inside a warehouse? That is definitely not only against company policy but in the vast majority of states illegal. Management should absolutely make them stop doing it.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s called the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and your asthma is a condition for your employer to provide you with safe working accommodations.
You are not wrong and if you really wanted to, you can report them to the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission).
It is against the law for your employer to not comply with federal regulations and you have rights. Talk with your HR about them.” contessalynn_art
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. They are breaking the law (assuming you’re in US or Europe) and refused to stop breaking the law when you explained how it affected your health.
They are so incredibly selfish and I can’t believe they’re now trying to blame you just for moving to a different department to get away from their secondhand smoke. They suck.” eletheelephant
And this is coming from a smoker. But I don't smoke around people that can't handle it and smoking around people who don't smoke, makes me feel weird. And I haven't smoked inside a building in decades.
4. AITJ For Giving "Brutally Honest" Feedback On My Friend's Novel?
“I (34/M) have a friend (29/F) that I met in graduate school and that I’ve known for a number of years now and we have a strong chemistry and rapport where I feel like we can be very honest with each other.
We’ve had an on-again-off-again romantic relationship over the years as well. We know each other very well. She looks up to me in many ways. She’s an aspiring novelist and writer and she often asks me for feedback and she has made it clear to me that she really likes how straightforward and clear my feedback is.
She was finishing up a first draft of a short novel that she was writing as a tribute to her uncle who had recently passed away from esophageal cancer. When she mentioned she was writing something about him, I was skeptical because he wasn’t a particularly unique individual that I thought would make for an interesting subject of a novel.
She had asked me to give it a read and she wanted ‘brutal honesty’ from me so she could really make good adjustments for another pass at the novel.
When I read it, I honestly thought it was irreparably horrible.
The writing is subpar and lacks the polish and attention to detail that one would expect from a published work. The characters are poorly developed and lack any real depth or nuance, making it difficult for readers to connect with them or become invested in their stories.
The plot is unoriginal and lacks any real sense of tension or excitement, making the book a chore to get through. I couldn’t believe how horrible it was.
Combining all of that with her desire for ‘brutally honest’ feedback I felt like I was given the permission to give her no holds barred notes.
So I l might’ve gotten carried away and in the process I mentioned her uncle and told her that the character based on him is just some basic man and that she gave us no reason to become invested in it.
It’s a heavy-handed story about cancer. I said nobody is going to care about it if we don’t care about the character and that it was a terrible way to pay respects to her uncle.
My friend was furious with me and started to tear up.
She said that nothing that I gave her was constructive, even though she specifically asked for brutal honesty and I truly felt like she needed to just re-do it completely. There’s nothing possibly constructive I could’ve said that wasn’t just, ‘It’s terrible you have to redo it’.
She said that I’m disrespecting her uncle and spitting on his memory. Which I disagree with totally. She gave me full rein to be as brutal as possible so now she’s mad at me for doing the exact thing that she asked for…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your feedback crossed the line into attacking her choice of subject, which you knew full well was important to her. Asking for an honest critique doesn’t mean you should give her an exhaustive list of every single issue you had with the draft. You could have just picked a couple of points and kept the rest to yourself.
Or you could have even said ‘This writing isn’t up to your usual standard; perhaps you don’t have enough distance from the subject yet. I don’t think I can give a good critique of this in its current state.’
If you really know and care about this woman so much you should have been able to understand that what she asked for isn’t what she really needed.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Normally in workshopping any story, honesty is best (I say this as a writer and possessor of a Diploma of Professional Writing and Editing which I also used to teach) but there are problems with your approach.
‘Brutal honesty’ is the first mistake. Critiques must be honest, but brutally so? There are ways of critiquing works that don’t involve slamming any genuine effort.
But the biggest mistake you made was your insensitivity in ignoring context.
She is grieving and you basically accused her of dishonoring her uncle.
Also, did it occur to you to ask about her intentions regarding her story? Was she thinking of the general market, or was this to be self-published as a vanity piece to be given to loved ones?
Grief can make writing poorer than usual quality and every writer is entitled to write an absolutely rubbishy first draft.
All of these are things to consider. Honesty in workshopping is important, but so is sensitivity to the pain and grief of friends and other loved ones.
I think you need to apologize, if you can, for your insensitivity.” Draculamb
Another User Comments:
“Telling her it was a horrible way to pay respects to her uncle and that it was irreparable is not constructive criticism at all and was not necessary for what you were asked for. You just decided to be as mean as possible when mentioning it to someone who tried her best and wanted you to actually give constructive criticism.
It’s just like the thing about people who say they’re just brutally honest. Being brutally honest isn’t an excuse for being a jerk, you can be honest without being mean about it.
‘I like the idea of your story but I did have a hard time reading it.
The writing definitely needs work and I feel like the characters are underdeveloped. Especially the character we are meant to care about. This character based on your uncle was more of a chore to read about. I found him very bland and unappealing.
I get that you love your uncle but I am not you and your readers are not you. Give us a reason to care about this character. He’s the reason you wrote the book after all. You want your readers to care about this man and what he is doing so make him worth reading about.
As he is now, I just find him boring and I don’t care about him.’
I mentioned the same thing you did but do you see how that’s not unnecessarily rude yet it still hits the points you wanted to make?
Being honest does not have to be so rude and it was uncalled for in this situation especially. YTJ.” 3now_3torm
3. WIBTJ If I Take The Kids To The Wedding Without My Wife's Permission?
“My son invited me and all his siblings to his wedding, including his step-siblings. My wife doesn’t want me to take her kids to the wedding. Truthfully she doesn’t want me to go at all, since she isn’t invited, but obviously, I’m going to my son’s wedding.
She says I can take my son’s full siblings but not her kids or our child together.
I adopted my stepkids, so I technically can take them. Obviously, that would cause a huge fight. All of the kids want to go, and I think they should be allowed to if they want.
My youngest is nine. My oldest stepchild is nineteen and technically doesn’t even need me to take him. He can just go on his own, although it would be an expense for him.
I just feel like the kids should be able to decide for themselves, but my wife is their mother.
Would I be a jerk if I just took all the kids without her permission?
My son’s full sibling is 18. His adopted siblings are 17 & 19. Mine and my wife’s biological son is nine.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Your son wants his siblings at the wedding; all of the children involved (except for the 9-year-old) are old enough to decide for themselves.
The 9-year-old wouldn’t understand why they couldn’t go while the other siblings went. So they should all go (I don’t think the reasoning actually needs to include your wife’s emotions). They should not miss their sibling’s wedding.
Your wife and son don’t have much of a relationship, and depending on how long you’ve been together, a lot of that responsibility would have fallen on your wife, and she clearly did not succeed in establishing a positive relationship with him.
He’s an adult now and has chosen not to have her in his life, which is his right.
Do not let your wife divide your children; that will hurt them.
I hope your wife is able to reason this out.
If either of them were open to it, family counseling might be an option, but it sounds like this might be beyond repair. As long as all of the siblings’ relationships are intact, as well as your relationship with your children, that might be all you can hope for at this point.” Nondescriptlady
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one, but I am going to lean towards YWNBTJ.
Why? Because while I can understand that your wife is hurt by not being invited, it sounds like all she and your son can do when in the same room is argue, and in that case, her presence would ruin the wedding, no matter how hard she and your son tried.
On the one hand, you risk a rift with your wife, but it sounds like that will happen eventually as you try to maintain a relationship with both her and your son.
And ultimately, he is your son. It would be worse to miss his wedding, and also for his siblings – full, half, adopted – to miss it.
You want your children to be there for each other when you are gone.
And honestly, the ‘I can’t go so my kids can’t go’ is a way more childish response than ‘We can’t get along so I can’t have you at my wedding’ so I am siding with the son on this one.” candycoatedcoward
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. If she wasn’t invited it is clearly for a reason, specifically how she probably treated your son, or simply they have no relationship. If the kids want to go and your son wants them to be there, they should be able to choose for themselves whether you go or not!
It’s pretty likely that your wife is hurt by not being invited, but this should be used as a time to reflect on why she wasn’t invited instead of being a grown adult acting in petty manners. Bring the kids!
Also, the fact that she doesn’t want you to go to your own son’s wedding simply because SHE wasn’t invited is rather terrifying. She should be ecstatic that you have a good relationship with all of your children, not bitter!” ClubGroundbreaking85
2. AITJ For Wanting Me And My Wife To Be The First Ones To Stay At Our New House?
“I (M26) got a job in Alaska last October and my wife and I bought our first house in Alaska, but due to work and moving time, we won’t be able to move in until July.
For two years my parents have been planning a month-long trip to Alaska in June. When we told them about the house they immediately assumed they could stay there. My parents aren’t the richest people, and staying would ease the cost of their trip.
I told them no because my wife has yet to actually see the house, and we want to be the first ones to stay in our house. It’s really the first time I’ve stood up to them as an adult, and they’re not taking it well.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“One of the hardest transitions for mothers and fathers to go through is accepting when they are no longer parents. Contrary to popular belief, you are not, in fact, a parent for your entire life.
Once your children move out and attain independence, you are no longer a parent. You will always be a mother or father, just not a parent.
It sounds to me as though you’re now at that point where they need to acknowledge you as an independent adult who can set boundaries for them as adults.
It’s never an easy transition, but most do get there. Sometimes distance is required, though.
NTJ. They were certainly presumptuous to assume they could stay in your house before you and your wife even had the chance. You did the right thing in saying no. It’ll be easier the next time.” WriteAnotherWoods
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your parents gave a LOT of their time, love, and resources to raise you, and you probably are in the position you are because of them in many ways.
Also, your wife wanting to be the first to stay in the house is a childish reason and could even look like throwing a tantrum.
The house probably had inhabitants before, so you won’t be the first anyway. You are conforming to your wife’s unreasonable expectations.
The house can even be taken care of by your parents. Probably even taking care of issues as a sign of gratitude before you settle in.
‘Your house, your rules’, I agree with that. But it doesn’t justify arbitrary and childish rules. Your rules in this case are totally selfish, and they are not even yours, they are your wife’s!
Definitely YTJ.” underredit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if they have been planning a trip for 2 years then surely they already saved up for it and have paid for a hotel? If you don’t move in till July will it even have tv or internet or electricity let alone furniture etc in June?
Seems a bit much to assume they could stay. If they had asked nicely if they could stay and with some of the money they save from not having a hotel help you buy some furniture or something that might not be so bad I guess it could also give you a chance to get everything up and running before you move in.
I’d let them stay personally as I don’t think staying the first night in a house I bought would be that important to me (I’ve never owned a house) and having a good relationship with my folks I’d actually likely have offered but I’d expect them to keep it clean and help out a bit by being there to let the tv guy in and set up the broadband and stuff so it was all ready when I moved in, or if that was already done then some money for the bills for that month.” Redditor4235
Another User Comments:
“Yes. YTJ. You being the ‘first’ is idiosyncratic. The house is probably not new construction, so guess what? NO MATTER WHAT, NONE of you will be ‘first.’ And why not show your wife some pictures before your parents go?
As a matter of fact, I am shocked you did not show her photos already and insist on her approval. I know buying a first home is a big thing, but to not let your parents stay because of some hang-up you have?
That’s not a good a decent reason.” JMYDoc
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Only Job Is Being A Gold Digger?
“I (34F) have a little sister (30F) who is married to a wealthy businessman in our state.
I am also married, both my husband and I work blue-collar jobs. We have very different lifestyles. I personally don’t feel comfortable relying on someone to do everything for me and I’m independent. She on the other hand relies on my BIL for EVERYTHING and doesn’t work at all.
We aren’t close and never have been for other reasons.
She lives hours away and recently was in town for a charity event and was staying with me for a week. Immediately she was rude and judgmental of the way our household runs.
She told me it’s ‘sad’ that my two boys share a room and my husband has a game room for himself. I was shocked and told her that the boys are 4 and 2 they don’t need their own huge fancy rooms and that the game room is half the size of a standard room.
She had more to say about other things we did in the house acting like she was so much better than me and feeling bad for me and the kids… we grew up together in an extremely poor household I don’t understand why she was acting like we didn’t experience way worse.
She was rude her whole stay. My husband even told me she asked him why he doesn’t cook or spend time with the boys after he just worked a 10-hour shift! Coming from a lady with a live-in nanny and chef!
I was shocked and appalled by her attitude.
I confronted her the next day about chastising my husband and she said she did it because she felt bad that I did most of the work in the house and he did barely anything.
I told her she doesn’t do ANYTHING, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t watch her kids, she doesn’t clean or cook, all she does is shop and do charity events, and that my husband works more in a day shift than she has in YEARS and stop acting like she’s better than us.
She started playing the victim crying saying that she was standing up for me and that she just wants me to not feel burnt out and I told her that I’m sure her husband wishes someone would do the same for him since all she does is waste his income.
This is when she starts acting all high and mighty, she has the nerve to say I’m JEALOUS of her and that she doesn’t waste anything she donates it and she’s worked with this and that organization and she works and has a job (ha).
I told her that her job is being a gold digger even if she does donate money it’s not HERS since she didn’t make it. My husband heard and laughed and she said if she’s a gold digger then my husband is a crappy person and that I am too and she left and blocked me saying I’m a jerk!
She told our brother and he says I’m a jerk since I judge my sister for not doing ‘real work’ while my husband’s only job is working and I also work and do everything else so technically if she’s a freeloader he’s even worse.
AITJ?! She came into my house and insulted US!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. All your husband does is work a 9-5 like you do. Then you come home and do the cooking and childcare while your husband is tired from working (just like you are).
Your sister observes how you do most of the household tasks and sees the imbalance of it. Considering you’re both doing it 50/50, he should be cooking and doing childcare as well. Since he’s not, he’s a golddigger since he’s getting free labor from a cook and nanny (you) just like your sister is a golddigger from getting free labor as well.
Looks like you’re a hypocrite.” Euphoric_Valuable_53
Another User Comments:
“Geez. Everyone sucks here.
Your sister should not be spending her entire stay with you being disrespectful and pointing out all of the problems she sees and it’s fair of you to be upset about that.
You suck here because your response was entirely uncalled for. Obviously, her husband doesn’t mind being the main breadwinner for their household and that works for him, and while it may not give her an income, her charity work is both REAL and IMPORTANT work.
That being said she had a point. The way you word your post indicates that you don’t dispute that while you and your husband both work you end up doing the majority of the childcare and housework. Working 10-hour shifts is no excuse to come home and not spend any time with your children and family or help out around the house as best you can.” pastapearldesaucer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Honestly, you sound jealous. It’s not clear why you think your sister is a gold digger (?) Marrying a rich partner does not necessarily equate to being a gold digger. Additionally, most stay-at-home moms rely on their partners to earn money for their households.
Are you saying that in those cases, their spouse’s money is not ‘theirs’ because they don’t work outside of the home? Since your sister questioned why your husband doesn’t spend time with his children, are you certain that she doesn’t spend time with hers?
Or are you assuming she doesn’t because she has a nanny?
It would seem odd that she called out your husband if she didn’t think it was important for parents to spend time with their kids. Having a nanny in and of itself does not mean that the person does not spend time with their children.
Finally, your children absolutely should have their own rooms over your husband having a gaming room. One of those children is a toddler.” Remarkable_Buyer4625
