People Allow Us To Comment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Forcing My Roommate To Buy His Own Toiletries?
“So my (22F) SO (24M) and I live with his lifelong best friend (24M). For context, he is overall an obnoxious heavy drinker and I hated living with him BEFORE all this happened. He never helps restock on things he uses like toilet paper, dish soap, laundry detergent, etc.
Well, recently he’s been having a string of random girls over multiple times a week, sometimes even having them shower here. I’ve asked him if he would be willing to hook up with these girls at their own places because he was loud when hooking up with someone and it’s annoying and he says no ‘because he pays rent here.’ And I told him okay that’s fine because it’s true, he pays rent.
I then went and took everything that he doesn’t pay for from the bathroom and kitchen. It’s one thing for him to use things and not replace them, but now he’s regularly having guests who are also using the things that my partner and I pay for without replacing them, therefore infringing on my stuff.
I figure that if he can’t be courteous and respectful, then he can buy his own stuff for himself and his guests to use.
My partner thinks I’m being petty but doesn’t necessarily mind and a friend of mine said I’m being mean but I think it’s fair.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner is right that you are petty but isn’t that normal when you are living with an obnoxious roomie? Most of the time when you have a roommate then you at least pay your half of the toiletries especially when you have uninvited people over.
He keeps bringing these girls over so it is understandable that you just remove your stuff. It is not like he paid for it. If he wants his ‘guests’ to have toiletries he can buy them himself.” Introvert_4_Life
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re absolutely doing the right thing.
Paying partial rent doesn’t automatically give him free rein to things that don’t belong to him and that he never paid for in said house. If you back down it’ll never stop, this is probably the smartest way to make him get his own and stop taking advantage.
Of course, your SO doesn’t care if they use 2-1 shampoo for their whole body and maybe $4 face wash, he wouldn’t be losing much. Girls’ products are SO much more expensive, and you really expect me to believe his one-night stands are cleaning themselves with his cheap crap?
No not at all. I know I sure wouldn’t!” AuraRiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is very common with bad roommates to have bathroom stuff in a caddy you can take to and from the bathroom, locks on your food cupboards, and a second fridge with locks on it and to even hide your saucepans and plates, etc. It can also be so bad to need locks on closets and room safes.
My son has had some bad experiences with roommates and I’ve heard so many tales from my kid’s friend’s experiences in shared accommodation. It can cost a lot to constantly replace products and food. It is not petty it is a survival from people who will not stop taking advantage.
It sounds like your SO is being a doormat.” NovelRemarkable7136
18. AITJ For Making My Partner Sleep On The Couch?
“My partner and I are both sober. The incident in question occurred when I was 12, drank a deadly amount of booze, and crashed the neighbor’s party, which I thought was a good idea because they didn’t invite my sister.
I proceeded to vomit and then pass out in front of a group of older, straight-edge kids, followed by getting my stomach pumped.
For years I was ostracized in the community because of this incident. Parents gossiped about me. My best friend’s dad said I was a bad influence and to not spend time with me anymore.
I lived in shame for years. I had a severe anxiety disorder, and severe social anxiety, and drinking fixed that for me. I tried to avoid the neighbors at all costs. My parents never got me help, they just told me the embarrassment was punishment.
At that age, isolation only spiraled me into worse substance use for years. I continued to get wasted and do equally embarrassing and self-destructive things.
Well, we’re all adults now. The other day my partner and I were talking about this local band, the guitarist is one of the kids at the party that I passed out at.
I know that I specifically fell over and threw up on him.
Tonight my partner was at a show and met that guy. He decided that the first thing he’d say is ‘my partner is really embarrassed about that time she threw up on you’.
I am really frustrated that he brought that up. It feels like he wanted to intentionally humiliate me.
So I made him sleep on the couch. And I’ve been up ever since. He told me that he thinks I’m overreacting. I am, in fact, extremely embarrassed and anxious over this event that I never confronted. He thinks I’m being harsh on him over this.
I know it’s not a huge deal because it literally happened 8 years ago, but the fact that he would choose to bring this up feels so awful to me. I don’t know how to forgive him.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, what a jerk thing to bring up to a (relative) stranger.
I bet your partner enjoyed the rush of endorphins as he got a laugh at your expense.
You sound like you haven’t had the easiest time in your teenage years, and maybe you’ve taken enough of a hit to your self-esteem, and/or you lack the experience to tell when someone is treating you badly.
So let this Internet stranger be the one to tell you. It is a big deal that your partner intentionally chose to humiliate you.
If you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you’re lucky to have this guy and that you should stick with him because you don’t deserve to be treated well, you would be wrong.
There are plenty of people in the world who will respect you. Heck, being alone is better than being with someone who hates you. It does sound like your partner found an anxious, beaten-down girl and decided to make himself feel like the boss at her expense.
NTJ.” Quellecrist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him in confidence things you feel badly about. He weaponized that knowledge to humiliate you in public. That isn’t an accident. He doesn’t respect your boundaries for your privacy, safety, and comfort beyond the more intimate bounds of your relationship.
He seems to be showing you that any intimate confidences you tell him, he sees as now HIS information to use as he pleases. It pleased him to take you down a few pegs in a social setting.
Your feelings of betrayal and hurt are valid and well-grounded. He is minimizing his ugly behavior and invalidating your justified response to his hurting you.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m not excusing what he did at all. Did he do it maliciously? Or was he mistakingly trying to ease your anxiety and clear the air between you and the guy you threw up on?
You were 12, and it was handled badly by everyone.
The neighbors, the town, and especially your parents. The situation would cause anyone to be embarrassed and have anxiety, and your family did nothing to lessen the impact.
You’ve built up this anxiety and embarrassment for 8? years? I think his approach would be traumatic, and your partner most likely doesn’t fully understand how badly it was handled and that you’ve buried yourself in the embarrassment and didn’t get the support to face it.
If that happened to most people as a child, they’d have been reprimanded for drinking and had to apologize, and it would have been over. Maybe with a grounding.
I’m worried that your partner doesn’t understand any of this deeply, so he naively felt he was helping you ‘face’ your trauma.
If I’m wrong and he did it maliciously, then you are better off without him.” lifehappenedwhatnow
17. AITJ For Telling My Friend The Truth About How She Got Together With Her Husband?
“My (31F) friend and college roommate Sara (31F) has always been shy and reserved until you get to know her but there is no one who is more caring and supportive than her.
In college, I met Jackson. He was funny, cheerful, and a little dumb. We became close friends but I knew he was interested in me. He wasn’t my type physically. I like handsome, kind of burly guys while he was thin and downright pretty.
I had another guy I was more interested in and I told him that. He got together with Sara later and they’ve been happily married for several years. Meanwhile, I went abroad but kept in touch with everyone.
I came back this year and it’s been great hanging out with my best friends/college roommates.
Somehow, the topic of our conversation became Sara and Jackson. Sara confessed that while their marriage is amazing now, she had to work hard to gain his love and that he wasn’t open with his heart. A friend chimed in that it was because he was either lied to in all his previous relationships or the girl liked someone better than him.
I said that Jackson loved Sara because she was so loyal and loving. A friend said that it made sense since I was the one who got Jackson and Sara together after I rejected him. Sara asked if that was true.
I said yes. I had turned Jackson down and encouraged him to take Sara out because no one had ever asked her before.
They didn’t know each other well. He did but on that date, he said it was more like a really good friend rather than someone he wanted to be with. I kept encouraging him to hang out with her and since he knew I would never go out with someone who didn’t treat my friends well he did.
Sara always seemed so excited every time. I went abroad and they kept up the tradition since he didn’t have the heart to disappoint her and they ended up going out, falling in love, and getting married.
Sara teared up and said that the only person who ever asked her out only did so because he was interested in me.
I said that Jackson married her so she won but she continued crying. AITJ?
Edit: other friends already know the whole story. I wanted to tell her the truth in a soft way instead of hearing from others the nasty details. Because there is a lot that could really hurt Sara.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the fact that other people know about it and she doesn’t, sounds pretentious. Like, ask yourself this… Why/how did any of these people find out about this? (2 questions here) and what would possess you to tell them of this?
This isn’t a win for her it’s a loss, the only dude to care and show her a good time, did so not because he liked her, but because he could get the girl he actually wanted.
Her line of thoughts is probably that, she can (dramatically and possibly) never trust her husband again, as to her, he only did all this because he couldn’t get the girl he actually wanted, this is including marriage. In her head, if she stays she would be waiting for the day that you decide you want him and he dumps her.” AsuraRathalos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. These are not your friends, they are your playthings. You were dishonest with one (I personally would not withhold that info from a female friend) and referred to the other as ‘dumb’. It doesn’t matter what your intentions were, you were playing God.
You gotta let people do their own thing and feel their own feelings. Friends deserve more respect than making them do anything that feels like ‘pulling teeth’.
Setting up someone who is in love with you with your friend is going to be messed up for your friend, because that person is in love with you, right?
Can you see how that is a really weird, controlling thing to do? Would you want your friend to set you up with someone that was in love with them? Under any circumstances? That would feel like swimming upstream. Your friend actually deserved better, and you should know that.
Just because no one had asked her out, it does not mean that she deserved to go out with someone who was secretly in love with her friend. That sucks.” blueandreddish
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You and Jackson both are. How either of you thinks you’re not astounds me.
You’ve both let her down, and you’ve both betrayed her. She is NEVER going to believe that he loves her, wants her, or chooses her because why should she?
Sara deserves neither of you in her life. You pushed a man on her that you KNEW didn’t want her, didn’t like her, and didn’t care about her because of YOU.
YOU helped make her second choice.
How disgusting and heartbreaking it is that she can now not trust the two people in her life she should have been able to.
The marriage you claim is ‘so happy’ is far from it now, I guarantee, because Sara just found out the entire thing is a lie.” fukstr8offplz
16. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's A Deadbeat Dad?
“My brother Craig has two sons; Daniel and Harry. Craig has never been a genuinely involved parent. It was common for him to stay overtime at work or see friends instead of being with Daniel and Harry, even for big events and milestones, with the excuse that ‘Jenny’s (the boys’ mother) got it handled.’ After Craig and Jenny divorced, Craig essentially checked out of being a parent.
He constantly made empty promises and wouldn’t keep them. One of many examples was how for Daniel’s 13th birthday, Craig promised to take the day off work for him. Craig not only didn’t come, but he also didn’t respond back to me, Jenny, or our parents for four days despite us all blowing up his phone.
When he eventually called back, he didn’t apologize to us or even Daniel and just made an excuse that ‘Well, I have a lot going on right now’ and that we ‘should cut him some slack.’
Daniel and Harry are all grown up now.
Craig is lonely, especially since Daniel and Harry are both adults and we don’t need to invite Craig if we want them to come to an event or hang out. Daniel doesn’t talk to Craig anymore but Harry still communicates with his father.
Instead of just being grateful that Harry is willing to forgive his neglect and have a relationship with him, Craig chooses to be butthurt over the fact that Harry is different from him. Craig’s upset that Harry doesn’t have the same views as him.
He doesn’t like that Harry’s studying to be a teacher (my guess is because he doesn’t think he can brag about it to people.) He doesn’t like that Harry’s gay and despises Harry’s partner, Brady. He constantly complains about Brady and it annoys me because Brady’s a nice kid who’s good to Harry and has only been respectful to Craig.
Before Harry and Brady were together, Craig already knew Brady’s mother, Martha, because they both attend the same mass. Martha is a sweet lady and works hard for her kids. Craig was complaining to me about Martha working two jobs and called her irresponsible for not remarrying or finding a way to work from home.
He was blatantly projecting onto Martha by calling her a deadbeat and saying she was supposed to stay home when Brady was a kid so that he would ‘have values’ (similar beliefs.)
I was mad and pointed out to Craig that by his logic, he’s worlds more of a deadbeat than Martha.
He has always prioritized work and friends over his sons. And still following his logic, Harry would be much more like him if he actually acted like a parent and bothered to raise him. Craig told our mom about what I said, and she and two others have told me I was in the wrong.
Mom said that Craig still has issues because of our biological father. (Her current husband is the only father I have ever known, but Craig still remembers our biological one.) The two other people agreed that even if he’s the cause, the result of Craig being unhappy and lonely is still the same, and I should have just walked away instead of rubbing salt in the wound.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘He was blatantly projecting onto Martha by calling her a deadbeat and saying she was supposed to stay home when Brady was a kid so that he would have ‘values.”
Not only is your brother a major jerk for being a deadbeat, but he is also a massive hypocrite.
He calls this woman (who I doubt was a deadbeat and just trying to provide for her kids as best she can as a single parent) a deadbeat when he did exactly what she is doing (working instead of being with her kids) with the exception he wasn’t providing.
Your brother is a massive hypocrite, he is homophobic (which is gross), and he can’t get upset or anything when Harry finally has enough of him and follows Daniel’s lead.” DJ_Too_Supreme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Craig may pine for his absent dad, but when he had kids he then made a choice to become an absent father himself.
That’s on him. He should be kissing Harry’s feet for wanting to still maintain a relationship with him, and kissing Brady’s feet for being a great support to Harry. Your mum is enabling Craig to stay on his deadbeat path. That’s on her. If she didn’t want you to tell Craig a few home truths she should’ve been telling them to him herself, not making excuses for why he chooses to skip his parental responsibilities.
As Craig’s sibling, you’re probably going to be blunter with the truth than others, so I don’t see it as rubbing salt into his wounds, and anyway, he inflicted them on himself by not bothering to be a dad to his children. His loneliness is his own fault.
And he doesn’t get to badmouth Martha when he barely did the minimum and relied on Jenny to do most of the parental heavy lifting. He’s probably jealous of Martha’s good relationship with her son and probably wants that with Harry, but he chose the path of rejecting his children.
He made his bed. If he doesn’t like lying in it, tough crap. He should’ve made the effort to be a better dad.” Fearless-Golf-8496
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s the problem with your mother and the people who agree with her; they’ve enabled this grown man to be able to wash away his deadbeat father traits bc he has ‘daddy issues’.
He should’ve gotten help before he decided to have kids. Because no one cares that you have issues. He had kids that needed him and instead of healing himself, he essentially gave them the same complex and your mother has allowed him to skate by without holding him accountable.” Mandiezie1
15. AITJ For Complimenting Strangers?
“I (19f) struggle with depression, but I found that making other people smile helps me feel a bit better, and I know that people complimenting me when I was low helped me feel better all day, so I try to compliment at least 10 people a day cause it might be the only nice thing that person has heard in a while.
So the other day I was hanging out with my friend (non-binary), just walking around the mall basically window shopping, and a woman walks by wearing an adorable shirt so I tell her I love it and it was gorgeous and keep walking. My friend looks at me weirdly but I ignore it.
Another woman walked by and she had STUNNING hair seriously, pretty braids, and gorgeous color, so I in passing tell her I think her hair is pretty and I love the color. I do similar things a couple more times, everyone smiles and says thank you, one of them told me where he got his shoes.
I feel good.
This entire time my friend is looking really awkward. Well, we finish shopping and go get boba I compliment the waitress. I’m having a good day and my friend stops me as we get to the car and accuses me of humiliating them.
I’m confused so I ask what they mean and they tell me ‘it makes people uncomfortable to be stopped by a stranger for a compliment, it’s creepy just stop.’ I didn’t know compliments could be uncomfortable so I just needed to know. AITJ for complimenting strangers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend may feel uncomfortable when complimented. That doesn’t mean it’s universal. They should work on that, but if you want to keep the peace with them, don’t say that or find a nicer way to put it. You would have really brightened up my day.
You’re a 19-year-old woman and probably not particularly intimidating. This could be creepy from a lot of men, but even that would depend a lot on their personality and how they deliver compliments.” Julie-of-the-Wolves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for complimenting people at all. I don’t know your friend obviously but it’s maybe possible they are uncomfortable just interacting with so many strangers while you are out together, and they are projecting that?
Sometimes a passing compliment can turn into a brief chat or interaction, and it sounds like you do this really, really often. If I was out with my friend and constantly had to hit pause for them to interact with total strangers, it would trigger my anxiety.
But your friend was rather rude about it and that’s not okay!” browneyedbirder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I may be a bit biased though, because I do this too, though nowhere near your frequency. I think the key is to keep it sincere and short.
I’ve forgotten what I said (20+ years ago) but I’ll never forget the waiter who burst into tears on hearing a compliment. He had been going through a seriously rough patch and was so grateful to be treated with kindness. On the receiving end, the elderly man who called out to me from across the street, ‘Hello sunshine, you just made my day!’ made my day.
30 years later the memory still makes me smile.
Keep spreading sunshine, OP. As another commenter said, don’t let anybody bring you down. I think you are wonderful!” Hari_om_tat_sat
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Three Extra Desserts?
“I (F24) took one of my closest friends (M27) out for dinner as a late birthday gift. I was working on the day of his birthday and today was the only free day I had.
I took him to his favorite restaurant because I know he loves the pasta there.
When we opened the menu, I made a joke about how he was wasting his time looking at the menu, knowing he was going for the pasta. He laughed and said, ‘not today, that’s too cheap.’
I was taken aback but I let it slide.
He went on to order a steak (the second most expensive one on the menu) and 2 drinks – to try each of them.
I let it slide because – it’s his birthday. We finished eating and when it was time for dessert, he called the waitress over.
She explained that he will get a complimentary dessert as a birthday gift and he responded by saying ‘she still has to get something for me. Please bring a menu.’
I just smiled. He gets the menu and proceeds to order 4 dessert items. One for him, one for his mother, one for his father, and one for his sister.
At that point, I was like, ‘You didn’t ask me if I can afford all of that’ and he responded by saying ‘You have a nice job, you could afford it.’
After the waitress brought the desserts, I simply asked her to take 3 of them back as I would not be paying for his family.
I paid for our meals and his dessert only. He called me selfish and was cold to me for the rest of the night.
Anyway, I just got off the phone with his mother who said she’s disappointed in me for being ‘stingy’ even though I’ve only met her once – and he texted me saying that was a jerk move and I owe him a makeup dinner.
I asked my friends about it and they all said I should have just paid for it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This rude, demanding, and condescending person is not your friend.
He deviated from his normal order and ordered steak because you were paying.
Two drinks because you were paying. Free birthday dessert wasn’t enough because you were paying. He tried to get you to buy dessert for his whole family because you were paying.
You need to block him, his family, and the friends who apparently thought they’d take advantage on their birthdays.
This behavior is not okay and those condoning it are not your friends either.
Generally, you need better friends.” Emotional_Bonus_934
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Point out to him (and his flying monkeys) that his birthday gift was HIS meal, not the extras. It’s his responsibility to pay for anything that HE wasn’t going to consume.
You don’t owe him a makeup dinner because he got his free meal. After this attempt, I wouldn’t offer to pay for his food ever again because he might actually wise up and claim the food is for him when it’s actually for others just to get out of paying for it.
Also, make sure that you let anyone you may offer to pay for know that you will pay within reason (what one would normally have for a meal) and not any extras (such as multiple beverages, especially if pricey, or extra desserts/meals to take home).” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone else is footing the bill, it’s common courtesy to not order super expensive things off the menu. This guy though, clearly thinks he’s entitled to all of it. I’ll bet you the same amount you spent on his birthday dinner that he wouldn’t have bought all that if you weren’t paying for him.
He deliberately chose the most expensive things BECAUSE he knew you would be too nice to say no, with no shame either, which just shows exactly what his character is. Unless you specifically told him that he could order whatever he wanted on the menu with no limitations, he was just taking advantage of you and being a jerk.
If I were you I’d cut him out of my life before he took more of my money.” carton_of_cats
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Try Something New With My Partner?
“I just got back home from a two-day work excursion. Part of the trip included a ski day in the mountains. I have not been on skis in about 20 years. Nonetheless, I decided this would be a worthwhile adventure and decided to go for it.
I had a blast and did surprisingly well.
When I told the stories to my partner, I could tell she was losing interest. Even seemed upset. I asked her if I should stop sharing. She said there was no issue. Her tone suggested otherwise. When I asked what was upsetting her then, she eventually said she was sad because I tried something new but won’t ever do that with her.
I was taken aback by this and said I don’t believe that’s actually the case. She said that it is true. She had suggested we go for a run together on vacation and have a coffee afterward, but I refused.
She is correct.
This happened.
However, I refused because I have never had a coffee and have consistently told her and others that I have no desire to. I don’t want to be reliant on a stimulant of any kind to wake up and feel like myself.
As for running, I ran competitively in my younger years and have no passion at all for it now. She is aware of this. I compromised by saying we could ride bikes and I could have tea while she has coffee after. I thought that resolved the issue.
However, the issue clearly still weighs on her and she’s unsatisfied with the earlier compromise. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is for the passive-aggressive stuff and the idea that you have to apparently drink even the same beverage as her when you go out (really tea wasn’t a good sub for coffee?).
That said, you could have gone on a run with her. If she asks you to do it all the time, sure decline. But maybe, especially on vacation, jogging is something she may be leery of doing alone (unfamiliar terrain) and because, provided it won’t physically harm you, sometimes you do something nice because it’s an activity your partner really wants to do.
That said, the way she argues, the fact that she was borderline upset to hear about your skiing activities, the fact that she brings it back that you didn’t go running with her that one time on vacation, and the fact that you’re not only expected to go running with her but to also drink the exact same beverages, I would say that she has a lot of growing up to do.” PilotEnvironmental46
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – Yes you suggested something else, but you haven’t actually acknowledged her feelings on the issue. She wants to try something new with you, be adventurous! However, this seems like it goes deeper than just a trip. Maybe have a sit down with her and try to understand what she is actually feeling because whether or not you did it intentionally, it sounds like you’ve dismissed her feelings a little bit.” AppointmentEastern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you could have gone for a run with her because not having a passion for it anymore isn’t the same as not being capable of it. But I think bike rides and you drinking tea while she gets coffee sounds like a good compromise.
I don’t drink coffee, but it doesn’t negatively affect my relationships. People just drink their coffee and I drink something different. Makes no difference to us what the other one is drinking.
But if you enjoyed skiing, maybe you can try to plan a ski weekend with her or something.
Or ask her to plan something new that she’d be interested in. With the limited information, it seems like she’s overreacting, but if you really do say no to everything she wants to do, that’s a different story.” jm22mccl
12. AITJ For Calling Out A Customer For Her Son's Behavior?
“I (23F) work at a grocery store as a cashier.
Over the summer I was temporarily located in the garden department in the parking lot, which I’ve been doing every year for 3-ish years.
We have a regular whose son (~6-8?) has autism. Apparently one of his stims is spraying bottles. Like the cleaning kind.
I didn’t know this until this incident.
Our setup for the garden area till is kind of a U- or C- shape. We have a cart with the till so it can be taken inside overnight, and two tables bolted together. One table has a shelf underneath where we keep various paper towels and cleaning stuff (including a bottle of diluted bleach), as well as bags for customers buying non-plant items, pots that customers have brought back for recycling, garden gloves for the employees, etc. Around the whole thing is a table skirt that’s attached to the table.
I really have no say in the setup beyond moving things around on the shelf.
Anyway, one day this mom brought her kid in. I saw him trying to reach AROUND the table legs to the cleaning supplies, so I moved them down the shelf closer to me and told him those bottles are for cleaning, not for touching, and asked him to please leave them alone.
Then I got started scanning his mom’s stuff.
Out of nowhere, a bunch of droplets hit my sunglasses and cheeks. I looked up and the kid had pulled the table skirt – which was zip-tied tightly to the table – away, stuck his arm through, grabbed the bottle of bleach, and started spraying it around.
I quickly grabbed it from him as his mom laughed and reminded me he’s autistic and said he has a spray bottle of water at home that he likes to spray people with.
This is where I might be the jerk. I told her that first off, she shouldn’t be encouraging him to spray people with ANYTHING without their consent, and second, that wasn’t water, it was bleach, and they were both lucky I was wearing sunglasses because I could’ve gone blind.
She was really offended and again tried to tell me he was autistic. I said that may be an excuse for him to not realize, but she needs to be paying closer attention to her kid in public places if he’s going to do stuff like that.
She hasn’t brought her kid in since. I feel bad because he was a nice kid and I don’t know how much help she has at home, but I still feel like what I said was true.
AITJ for telling off the mom of an autistic child and prompting her to stop bringing him back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This wasn’t an annoying stim – I thought stims were a form of self-soothing and not a free pass to do anything including using stuff that doesn’t belong to the person.
You could have been blinded or seriously injured if the spray had hit your face.
This was dangerous intrusive behavior and the parent needs to control it. By her attitude, it appears she is not even attempting to modify behavior.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the mom is using her son being autistic as an excuse for not parenting.
When he first tried to grab the bottles she should’ve made him stand out of reach of the shelves or been watching him like a hawk to intercept any attempted bottle sprays. The fact she laughed when he sprayed you really shows that she doesn’t recognize that her son’s actions are actually disruptive, and in this case dangerous.
Not cute or funny. Even if it was just water, it’s still not okay to spray someone.
His mom obviously knows about this behavioral tendency, yet does nothing to try and prevent it. You did nothing wrong. Don’t feel bad at all. It really was lucky you were wearing sunglasses, even very dilute bleach can really mess you up if it gets in your eyes.” Probswearingsweats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That doesn’t read to me as stimming behavior, which is self-stimulating. (Flapping hands, rocking back and forth, repeated motions). That reads to me like a kid being a kid and a mom who hasn’t or refused to teach her child about boundaries & respect.
It’s a shame. Autistic people don’t pick up on regular cues so they need explicit and repeated instructions, which parents should establish. If he has a spray bottle at home that he uses regularly, then she should have let him know to either bring that with him or only do that at certain times in certain places.
She’s the jerk.” AngryAnnoyedAsian
11. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Wife And Baby Alone To Deal With The Mechanic?
“I had a trial for a soccer team on Saturday and had been preparing for much of the off-season. My wife was due to take the baby (15 months) to her mum’s in the car, and I would join them later, heading from soccer on public transport.
But as she left, the car had a problem. She managed to drive it back to the house as it wasn’t far away. I immediately booked a call-out mechanic, who said they could come in the next couple of hours.
I said I would be back in about 4 hours after the trial, by which time the car would be fixed/diagnosed and we could either leave for her mum’s or stay awaiting parts.
My wife flipped out saying she couldn’t believe I was considering leaving her and the baby at home after this incident. I told her it would all be fine, the mechanic was booked and I’d be back before we needed to make any further decisions or actions.
She said I should be putting my family’s needs first and considering how much stress this was causing her I should stay.
I explained that I’d likely lose my place on the team I was trialing for as this was the day we had to be there, and it was important to me.
She then said ‘go on then, you’ll only be mad forever if I stop you’. I said it felt like I was screwed either way now as there would be resentment of whatever I did. She said ‘using your common sense, what do you think you should do?’
I decided to stay and lost my place on the team. I’m pretty cut up about it but just didn’t feel like I could leave her in that frame of mind, given the possible consequences to our relationship long term. The mechanic visit was straightforward as it happened, though there was a genuine problem.
AITJ for thinking this is unfair and that she should have been able to handle it, knowing that the day was important to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
We all face disappointments in life – her disappointment in not being able to head straight to her mom’s and having to wait to have the car repaired is NOT an excuse for her to use guilt and manipulation and behave like this.
I have several kids and have had to deal with the car breaking down on the side of the road, waiting for a tow truck, the repairs, etc. multiple times without help – the most notable being when I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest.
She is a freaking adult. If she is mature enough to be a parent, she can play at home with the baby for a few hours while waiting for the car to be repaired. The fact that she even thought to demand that you stay home makes her a MASSIVE JERK.
Honestly? In your shoes, I’d be incredibly angry with her. You had plans. You had long-awaited plans that she knew about. Her ’emergency’ was easily solvable from the comfort of her own home and minimally impacted you. The fact that she even thought it appropriate to make that kind of manipulative demand speaks volumes about her immaturity and her selfishness.
So, let me ask you something – how often are you expected to give up things that are important to you for her comfort? How often are you expected to put your life and wishes on hold so she can be comfortable? Because what she did is wrong on every single level.” sometimesblessed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially considering that you ended up staying.
Part of me is huffing and puffing about the fact that you didn’t even NEED to be involved at all. A car broke down, she made it home, it was a matter of a single phone call to a mechanic and a bit of a delay in her plans (in the comfort of her own home).
To claim this under some special family need is just jerkery. It’s like asking someone to stay and watch while the other does the dishes. ‘You can’t have fun because my own plans fell through’. That’s extremely toxic and that’s what it reads like based on your side of the story.
On the other hand (would be much better if she could actually articulate it) people have anxieties about certain situations. And anxieties can run really deep and pretty emotional. So it’s reasonable to ask for support. Which you ended up supplying just in case.” Dangerous-Example755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She drove off and the car started playing up, she turned around, (good plan) and made it home. (Great, safe comfortable space, can take the baby out and get on with other stuff.) She informed you and you called the mechanic and he was coming to her.
(Great, no effort and inconvenience to her.) Now she can eat, drink, potter about, play with the baby, or relax whilst waiting for the mechanic. But no, she goes off on one at you. Err what? She guilted you into being there with her? Wrong decision.
You should have put your foot down because she was going to be mad either way. If someone is going to be mad either way, stick to logic and boundaries, not giving in to the crazy.” NovelRemarkable7136
10. AITJ For Asking The Shop Personnel For ID?
“The other day I was in a store looking at perfumes.
I got a text from my husband and took my phone out of my bag, replied, and put it back in my handbag. As I was leaving the store a woman blocked my way and asked to look through my bag as she saw me put something in it (my phone).
She was dressed in a blouse and pants but had no name tag or anything with the store’s name on her clothing. I asked if she worked there, and she said yes, then asked to look at my bag again. I hesitated and said she didn’t have a name tag.
An older man walked up to us (wearing a polo and shorts) and she said he was the manager. The man then asked to look in my bag, but again, no name tag or identifying marks on his clothes. I had also seen the same man 10 minutes prior yelling at someone in the carpark.
I refused, and then a second man approached, wearing a t-shirt that had ‘security’ on it. No walkie-talkie, badge, or name tag, just a t-shirt, and shorts. He asked to look in my bag.
At this point, I was sure this was a scam of some kind and walked to the register.
I asked the woman behind the counter if the original woman worked there and if the older man was her manager. The woman behind the counter confirmed their identities, and I showed them my bag before leaving the store. All three of them gave me dirty looks as I was leaving, and while at the time I felt justified, I am now wondering if I was the jerk.
Update: I am not a person of color, I am a 30-year-old white woman. Whatever their reasons, it was not racially motivated.
Why didn’t I just walk out? I had my son in his pram, and the woman was physically blocking the exit. I thought it was a scam or mugging by the time the third person showed up, and I was afraid for my baby.
The store was a pharmacy that sold gifts and cosmetics. I believe it is independently owned, and will try to contact the owner regarding the incident.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s better to trust your instincts and be wrong. I’m not sure if you’re in the US, but the laws here are that security guards have no extra authority beyond that of any normal citizen.
They can do a citizen’s arrest if they see you breaking certain laws. They can act on the behalf of the property owner and ask you to leave. While it may not do any harm to just open the bag and let the person look in, and I would comply personally if I was at a store I had an interest in staying friendly with, I would hesitate to comply with anything more than that.” RealWanderingWizard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t put it past a thief to try to steal someone’s wallet this way. Asking for ID is completely reasonable. They should have been wearing some sort of ID to begin with. They should also be very careful with accusations.
Being accused of shoplifting is a big deal, and embarrassing, and I would never shop there again. I would also let all of my friends know and post it on as many review sites as possible. Putting your phone back in your purse vs. stealing is something they should be able to differentiate.
If not they are going to have a lot of seriously angry customers.” _gadget_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not forced to let them search your bag unless it’s the police and they have reasonable cause to do so… I worked retail, that’s why I know.
They can ask nicely, and the CUSTOMER has to show them the bag, the employee is not allowed to touch anything. They acted extremely unprofessional, not wearing a name tag or a uniform that would identify them and then ganging up on you. You did the right thing, you approached someone you could be sure is working there and showed her you didn’t steal anything (which again isn’t really necessary, unless it’s police, but you had nothing to hide so it’s better to go along so they leave you alone).
If you can complain about them to the customer line (if they are a bigger shop) that they were not being dressed correctly, had no name badges and that they made you feel extremely uncomfortable because you’ve seen the man who was apparently the manager shout around in the car park before, which caused you to be anxious when he approached you.
You are never a jerk for not letting people harass you.” Crazyandiloveit
9. AITJ For Not Being A Great Host To My In-Laws?
“My husband’s family lives on the other side of the country. We had our first child at the height of the global crisis, so my husband’s parents, sister, and her family did not meet him in person until his first birthday.
I just delivered our second two weeks ago, and my husband’s family (4 adults and 3 kids) asked if they could all visit during spring break to see the baby (which is at the end of next week). I said OK.
Although the 7 of them would be staying at an Airbnb, I know they will be spending all day every day at our home to see the kids.
I told my husband to make sure they know we will be ordering in every meal, and beyond eggs and cereal and some drinks and snacks (i.e. chips and fruit), I wasn’t planning to get much else. I’m also tired and up with the baby all night, I’m still trying to get breastfeeding established, and I’m exhausted at the very thought of 7 people being in my house every day for a week while I’m trying to nurse and rest and manage a toddler’s big emotions around a new sibling.
His response was ‘Well we are going to need X and X for my parents and X for the kids, and I was thinking one day I can make X.’ And he started describing needing to get the ‘best’ bread and the ‘best’ cheese… all of which would involve him taking trips to numerous stores and being gone for hours when I need help.
He even said he was going to ask my dad (who occasionally buys us some specialty grocery stuff that I ask for and drops it off) to pick up a bunch of items for them.
At this point, I got really mad. I said ‘I am not trying to go above and beyond here and play host when I’m 3 weeks postpartum.
They can eat the stuff from the grocery store even if it’s not the best and deal for 5 days.’ He then told me I sound spiteful.
I am also frustrated because when his family visits, my husband checks out a bit… he plays with his nephews and chats for hours with his BIL, and I know I’m going to end up being the one setting out snacks, tidying up, etc. while the ILs just want to hold the baby… which honestly is not helpful to me.
He seems more concerned with his family having fun, the visit being a good time, and with them being comfortable than with me getting what I need. I’m worried he isn’t going to have my back, so I will have to be the one to draw hard lines with his family to protect myself and my own well-being.
We got into a big fight about it. I yelled at him and am not really talking to him now. They show up next week, and I’m feeling a lot of anger and resentment about it.
So… am I the jerk for not ‘lifting a finger’ for my visitors?
UPDATE: My in-laws have not said that they expect us to do anything or asked for anything; my husband is the one indicating we should be playing host to them while they’re here. So maybe they will show up with sleeves rolled up. If past visits are any indication, I don’t think that will be the case – as any ‘help’ they provide (or try to instruct their kids to provide) ends up being more work for me than help.
My MIL has an autoimmune disease and is blind. She will be unable to help, and I absolutely don’t expect anything from her. My FIL takes care of her needs. I know all she wants is to hold her granddaughter as a newborn (since she can’t see her on Facetime), which she wasn’t able to do with my older one.
I fully understand and support this. But I also feel guilty because I don’t want her in the house 8 hours a day for 5 days straight. That’s… a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Husband should take the toddler to visit at their Airbnb some days or for a fancy dinner if they feel the need. Or if you’re comfortable have the in-laws take the toddler to the park, out to their Airbnb, etc.
Sure they want to see the baby, but they truly do not need to be there 24/7. You and the baby are still going to need lots of 1 on 1 time and rest. You don’t need a bustling house as well.
I’m sorry your husband doesn’t see it this way.
When my in-laws visited at 3 weeks I still felt a bit overwhelmed, but I was cleaning zero and cooking zero. My MIL took care of so much & they left us with groceries and a clean house.” beansareso_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband should definitely manage his family.
If he isn’t, and you have to protect yourself as you say, I would show him this post and its comments so he can see how he is a jerk and should be prioritizing you.
Also, what is your relationship with your in-laws? I am in a group chat with my in-laws and SILs and BILs and my husband.
I would simply send a text message or have a nice chat with my MIL and/or family and manage everyone’s expectations.
I would be saying: ‘I am so glad you are all coming to meet the baby next week and spend time with us as a family.
I have been so tired of breastfeeding/bottle feeding and trying to get enough sleep. The baby is getting used to routines, and we are getting used to our new normal. So, I am just writing because I may not be able to hang out as much or be able to be out and about with everyone.
Husband will be having lots of food and snacks out for everyone and please help yourselves. If you need anything he is your go-to person.’
Also, depending on your in-laws, they could also become your flying monkeys and you could potentially send them after your husband because he sounds like he needs a reality check.
You need to recover from giving birth.
Good luck OP!” Mandaloriana_2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband needs a reality check. ‘They’ means husband and his family. They should be doing the shopping. They should be doing the cooking, and they should make extra and fill your freezer for when they leave.
They should clean your house. They should care for the older child. They should help with the baby as you ask and prefer whenever possible. They should be doing laundry, running errands, and making repairs around the house.
If you’re able to pump and feel comfortable one of them should be staying up and taking part in the night shift so you can get extra sleep.
You should be eating, sleeping, feeding and washing yourself, and doing everything else! I and my friend’s in-laws did all of this for her for 6 weeks. They can manage for 1.” Boofakblankets
8. AITJ For Calling My Friend's Mom To Make Her Clean Her Mess?
“The only reason I’m friends with this girl is that I’m friends with her friends (we’re all 16 years old). Anyways we all planned on sleeping over at my house, just because.
I wasn’t even going to invite said friend let’s call Anne because she’s low-key kinda weird, but I know if I didn’t she’d complain that she wasn’t invited, etc. I’d rather keep my sanity so I invited her.
Big mistake
Everything was good for the most part, until the morning after. Lemme set the scene, Anne woke me up kinda in a rush to leave apparently she had Field hockey practice and her mom was picking her up. I was half asleep so I’m just like cool lock the door on your way out.
At this point, I was gonna go back to sleep until I get a whiff of I kid you not the raunchiest smell. At first, I assumed it was my dog, she’s still potty training so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her.
So I get up, grab a bag and a paper towel and start searching around my room for what I thought was dog crap. Update it wasn’t dog crap, it was diarrhea where she had been sleeping. The worst part is my friends and I were looking for almost 5 minutes trying to find this turd but, instead, we found literal human poo.
At this point, we were all gagging, so I go to my bathroom to grab some air freshener. Where I find her turd-infested drawls in my garbage can. She didn’t even try hiding them under stuff just left them at the top. After I was done spraying half a bottle of air freshener around my room.
I was like no way am I cleaning this up. So I called her mom, basically giving her a rundown of the entire situation.
Her mom then drove back to my house and kept apologizing while helping us clean everything. (Love her mom) she even gave me 50$ for new sheets.
My mom thinks I was a jerk for this, and Anne was probably embarrassed enough after the whole situation. If I would’ve asked she would’ve cleaned it up. My friends say they would’ve done the same thing and I didn’t do anything wrong.
That honestly got me thinking though if I was really the jerk here so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Embarrassed or not, her behavior was as trashy as her ‘surprise.’ I would never welcome her back to my home, even with a full apology.
If she throws a tantrum, this incident should be the prime example of why.
I hope her mom punished her severely for being so disrespectful. Accidents happen, but you have to own up to them! OP, I hope you don’t catch whatever made her so sick.
Cut this girl out of your life, if you can. She isn’t a friend worth having until she grows up and takes responsibility for her actions.” Cygnata
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But please treat this with some sensitivity. Of course she is massively embarrassed (I don’t know what happened the night before, could be drinks, could be illegal substances, could be nothing).
Having a full-blown diarrhea event is not normal, nor is it something that one does out of choice. If something like that happened to one of my friends I would be more concerned if they are all right if they have been taking some new medicine, if they’d seen a doctor, etc.
And yeah, please keep this discreet. Calling her mum is fine, she should be aware that there’s something that might need attention. Kindly ask your friends to not make it the new gossip around as well. You’ll have accidents yourself in the future (yup, we all do), treat her as you would like to be treated yourself if something like this happens.” sometimesnotright
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it makes sense to rely on parental support for something like this, even as a high schooler. I think it makes more sense to speak to Anne’s mother, rather than asking yours to clean it up. 16 years is old enough to be taking responsibility for stuff like that.
Telling Anne’s mother meant that Anne got to see model behavior and how to deal with this: Mom brought her back; Mom helped clean everything; Mom apologized; Mom gave you money to replace the ruined items. Since Mom knows, she can also talk with Anne about it privately and maybe make Anne take further responsibility by earning the $50 to repay her.
You took the best course of action possible. Moving forward, don’t make fun of her for this, that would not be okay. If you two were actually close, I could see it becoming an inside joke, but since you’re not, it would probably make her feel terrible.
You don’t have to be her best buddy or anything, and if she apologizes, it’s okay to ask her to listen to you sharing how the situation made you feel. It’s also okay to choose not to spend any more time with her after this, but don’t make fun of her, or go spreading rumors about it.
As long as you avoid those two things, I think you should feel confident that you are handling this situation excellently.” lawrencek1992
7. AITJ For Causing My Partner's Brother To Get Kicked Out After He Lashed Out At Us?
“My partner (29m) and I (23m) are pretty affectionate people and like to display that affection (or PDA).
Nothing too crazy, just holding hands, maybe some cuddling when in the right environment, and a peck here and there. Nothing straight people don’t do routinely.
When we are at his parents we tone it down, not because they are uncomfortable but because his brother (26m) is and we don’t want to deal with the stupid things he says under his breath.
There have also been a few instances of me and my partner holding hands or just pecking on the cheek and him saying some stupid stuff like ‘I don’t want to see that crap’.
Recently my partner’s brother introduced his SO to everyone. She stays over there a lot since my partner’s brother lives with their parents.
There have been occasions where they will be full-on making out in the living room. This irks me since when my partner and I do anything just wholesome, he has a tiny fit. So my partner and I decided no more holding back, he will just have to deal with it.
(We still keep it respectful, just little displays of affection as I said.)
For some clarification, their parents absolutely don’t mind and since we haven’t held back have said they feel relieved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves.
(I absolutely love his parents. LOL).
One night we were having a movie night (me, my partner, his parents, his brother, and his SO). It’s a movie night so I’m cuddling into his chest while he has his arm wrapped around me, nothing nobody else is doing.
Out of nowhere, his brother burst into a fit going off about how he’s not going to have our disgusting crap in his house and some slurs that you can probably guess. After his little tantrum, his parents kicked him out of THEIR house and won’t allow him back.
Now my partner and I are playing block whack-a-mole with his extended family calling us horrible things for ‘making’ his brother homeless (he’s couch surfing). His parents are also getting into trouble but have assured me it’s alright but I feel guilty that this has caused so much drama for my partner and his lovely parents all over a cuddle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, brother and his homophobic outburst made him homeless. Don’t like it? Don’t look. It’s odd how it was totally okay that he was doing the same thing and worse with his SO but I guess because in his mind it’s ‘normal’ that’s okay.
Love is love is love. Even if it doesn’t look like what someone considers ‘normal’ who cares? Having someone love you is amazing in itself. Whether it’s boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and girl, nonbinary and trans, WHO CARES? The world would be SO MUCH BETTER if people minded their own business.” Seraph782
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brother is living with the consequences of his own actions. You are not the cause of this – brother caused this by being a homophobic jerk. He had a choice – if this really disturbed him, he simply could have left the room as opposed to throwing a tantrum.
Also, it is the parent’s house – they are the ones who make the rules, not Brother.
The tactic of getting friends or family to gang up on someone like Brother is doing is typical of people who are naturally abusive or just plain bullies.
It’s the sign of a coward. And I’m sure there is an easy way for him to no longer be homeless: apologize and agree not to throw homophobic tantrums while living with his parents.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he’s ever allowed back, which I doubt because of his behavior, and continues the same thing with his SO, mutter something – probably slightly nicer – under your breath, something similar to what he says.
If he gets mad about it, ask him why, he does the same thing.
And good on the parents, they don’t condone such behavior from their children and that is something frankly rare. If he wishes to return, he should learn some respect, apologize, and shut up.
Holding hands and cuddling is no crime, if anything, it’s a display of affection much less disgusting than what he’s doing with his SO in his parents’ house.
Be gay, do crimes (please don’t, but if it’s a crime in the eyes of homophobics, go nuts… long as it’s legal).” User
6. AITJ For Wanting To Sleep In?
“Quite a few years back, my husband told me that it was important for him to have one entire day where nothing is expected of him.
One entire day where he doesn’t have to do anything on either a Saturday or a Sunday. He said it was what he needed to recharge for the week. I begrudgingly agreed because it seemed important to him.
This was well before we had our children.
We now have a 5-year-old and a 21-month-old. We made the deal after our firstborn that we would each get a morning on the weekend to sleep in. I’m a teacher, and if you know anything about teacher tired, you’ll know why I have zero guilt about sleeping in until usually noon on my sleep-in day.
My husband isn’t built that way. At the latest, I think he’s slept in until 10, but he’s usually up earlier than that.
He has a major problem with me sleeping in until noon. I tell him that it’s my thing that’s important to me.
It’s my self-care. Yet week after week, he makes comments and complains that I’m ‘wasting my life away’. I consider sitting on the couch playing video games or watching TV for an entire Saturday to be a colossal waste of time, but I agreed to that and it seemed important to him so I keep my opinions to myself.
Those days look different now because we have kids. It’s not like he’s ignoring them. He does change a diaper when needed or helps make their lunch or watches them if I’m running errands. But I don’t ask him for anything extra on Saturdays.
All I ask in return is that I get to sleep and recharge in the way that is important to me without hearing him complain about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think this situation will one day be untenable for both of you.
Your husband sounds like he grew up in a house where sleep is shameful (my dad, who is 70, pulls this crap as well). It is important, however, for a partner to understand that what one person needs and desires is different than what another needs and desires, and to respect it without constant belittlement or negativity.
If your husband is incapable of understanding that it will degrade your marriage in future situations, regardless of what the arrangement is.” No_Dimension_5046
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Yet week after week, he makes comments and complains that I’m ‘wasting my life away’.’
What, exactly, is he doing that’s so important on his days when nothing is expected of him? Writing the Next Great American Novel? Curing cancer? Brokering world peace? No? Then maybe he can get off his high horse because the lack of oxygen way up there is making him act like a jerk.
If he’s not at least doing something to improve the household on his ‘day off,’ (laundry, dishes, home improvement, etc.) he can get bent.
I don’t know how he’s managed to make it so long with a ‘do nothing day’ on Saturdays, but he needs to learn that he’s a parent now.
That doesn’t fly anymore. I hope he’s actually being an active parent on his ‘do nothing day’ and not just pawning all the parenting off on you. If not, you’re a saint and I don’t know how you’ve managed to hold your crap together for so long.
What’s going to happen when they need to be in different places at the same time for different activities? With a >3-year gap you can’t just ‘put them on the same team’ (excuse me, the youth coach in me needs to seethe in anger at that for a moment) even if they were to do the same things.” Tony_the-Tigger
Another User Comments:
“So he gets a whole day and you only get a few hours? And he constantly complains week after week? NTJ, frankly I’d give him the choice between family counseling or divorce… it might not seem much but I’ve been on the receiving end of this behavior.
It’s like death by a thousand cuts… one incident is like whatever, the tenth annoys you, the hundredth drives you crazy, the thousandth and you’re ready to chuck him off the planet.” 295Phoenix
5. AITJ For Wanting To See The Restaurant's Security Footage?
“I went to an annual dinner party with my work where we all receive our yearly bonuses.
We had dinner, chatted, and then towards the end of the night our boss passed around envelopes (with our bonus in them). I had set mine down on the table next to my purse. Just before leaving, I told my partner I was going to use the restroom which was downstairs.
When I came out of the restroom he was waiting outside the door with my purse ready to leave – so we said our goodbyes and left. It wasn’t until we were halfway home that I realized he had grabbed my purse but not my envelope.
I asked if he had grabbed it and he said ‘shoot I didn’t’. No big deal, I forgot too. So I called the restaurant and they did not pick up as they were closed. No problem, I would call the next day.
I called in the morning and it went straight to voicemail.
So I left a message. ‘Hi, this is so-and-so from (insert company name) dinner party from last night. I think I left something there so if you could give me a call back that would be great.’ Several hours later they called. I described the envelope size and color (it was red – very noticeable) and where I was sitting and where I thought I had left it.
Then I asked if they had seen it. They replied with ‘Nope haven’t seen it,’ and hung up on me.
That phone call made me feel very uneasy. Why would they hang up on me? Not only is it rude but it made me suspicious.
So, during my lunch break, I went down to the restaurant and told them the situation and how the phone call made me uncomfortable. I asked why they hung up on me and they denied it. I just brushed it off because it wasn’t worth arguing over.
So I asked if there was a way I could watch the surveillance footage just to see what happened to the envelope or if the waitress accidentally threw it away ( I worked in a law firm for several years so I understand that they are not obligated to show me, I just thought I would ask because this was not just $5 – it was a decent amount).
They snickered and said ‘Not for you to watch’ and asked me to leave the restaurant because they aren’t ‘interested in being accused of something they didn’t do’. I left and immediately called my boss to tell him the situation. He called down to the restaurant and several hours later my envelope was found.
When I went to pick up the envelope they said ‘Our employees had to dumpster dive to get this back for you’ almost as if they were trying to guilt trip me. (Maybe that is just in my head but it seemed that way because I never asked them to go to those extreme measures – just wanted to see the footage).
So AITJ for requesting to see the security footage?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you’re NTJ for asking them to check – but the fact that you didn’t immediately put the envelope OR the money in your purse after receiving it AND TAKING IT WITH YOU to the bathroom, causes a MAJOR side eye.
I wouldn’t trust my purse OR a significant amount of money with ANYBODY if it wasn’t my husband or my mama. I’m really just baffled that you’re more concerned with if you were the jerk for asking to see the cameras… A little unreasonable, sure, but a jerk?
Nah.
But seriously. Unless your bank account is padded enough that you can be flippant about an envelope with a considerable amount of money that you’re comfortable just walking away from it – that’s what I can’t get over. You’re INCREDIBLY lucky your boss got involved, but if I were the restaurant employees, I’d FOR SURE consider you a jerk for being the reason I had to dumpster dive.
Even though YOU didn’t ask them to do that, you ARE the reason they HAD to. In that regard, you’re DEFINITELY the jerk.” klackey224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They 100% lied to you about not having the envelope. Someone found, stole, or trashed the envelope and had no intentions of returning it until your boss called and they knew they would be in trouble if they didn’t return it.
It was pretty obvious that your boss was passing out money, I’m sure people opened and looked in their envelopes. And if not it’s pretty obvious that the boss handing out envelopes at an annual dinner party for a large company would give out something of value.
I’m guessing it took your boss calling and threatening to take that annual dinner party elsewhere for the person to finally tell the truth. Either that or your boss probably called their boss and reviewed the footage and they figured out if someone had it or if it was thrown away on accident.
And even if it was accidentally thrown away, that’s not your fault it’s an accident. It may suck to dig around in the trash but they are the ones who threw it away. They should have treated you better no matter how the envelope disappeared.” Snoo_54941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They didn’t throw it away, they’re behavior is fishy. Also if your envelope was in the trash you would see stains on it and it would smell. Does it look like when you received it? Then they lied because they wanted to keep it.
While I don’t understand how someone can forget a RED envelope with a lot of money in it… it’s rightly yours and it’s not ‘finders keepers’ if the rightful owner comes back for it within a reasonable time frame or you have a way to know who the owner is (which they did), for example, if you see someone dropping it in front of you or find a wallet, etc. (though if there isn’t CCTV it’ll be harder to prove, so some people will just steal it anyway).” Crazyandiloveit
4. AITJ For Kicking My Son Out For Disrespecting His Mom?
“My (53f) wife ‘Abby’ (50f) and I have been together for over 30 years, and married for 20. We adopted our son ‘Jack’ when he was a toddler after his parents had died. He is now 20.
Bringing him up wasn’t without its difficulties but in all, he was a good kid. Good grades, good judgment, and didn’t cause trouble on purpose. He always loved spending time with us and watching tv with us, and in his teen years, he even began cooking with us and became somewhat of a Gordon Ramsay.
I noticed things changed a bit after we adopted our daughter at the age of 7 ‘Sam’ (he was 15) – she was a troubled kid, and bounced around a lot in the foster care system. For a while, he loved her and really enjoyed being around her and showing her that this house was safe, which was basically all the things my wife and I were trying to do.
I want it to be clear that we never asked him to be a parent, that was our job. He always offered to do things with her and would often choose to be around her rather than his friends. He never had to babysit her, but he did on occasion during small emergencies.
He seemed slightly annoyed with her but always told us that it was just a bit frustrating to deal with her sometimes.
For info, when I say Sam was troubled, I mean she’d hide food, hide herself, and shut down a lot. There was no violence or anger.
We still deal with the echoes of some of this today. We do have her in therapy to this day, and she’s much better.
Soon after his 19th birthday, he met a girl (18 at the time) and his personality began to change. He grew resentful of us, of Sam.
He’d make these weird or hostile comments toward Abby or me, and occasionally I’d catch him telling Sam about her bio family. I’d always try to shut it down, but he’d make some excuse and go home when I tried to talk to him. I don’t want Sam getting into contact with her family – it’s a toxic family that was no good and very dangerous for her.
Earlier today my wife and I were speaking to him about his behavior, and he said that his partner told us that we ‘kept him from his family’ on purpose during his entire upbringing, and that adoption was a traumatizing experience that tore families apart.
This stunned us since we were always as transparent as we could be – what remained of his family didn’t want to talk to him and that’s why we adopted him. My wife tried to explain that we never tried to do that, but he called her a lying jerk and to shut up and that we’re ‘baby snatchers’.
Immediately I cut in and told him to leave and not come back unless it was to apologize.
He left, saying that he hoped one day Sam wisened up to us lying about her family as well. That we were awful for ripping a girl away from her real family.
I don’t understand his logic but he was clearly upset at us for what we did. I wish I hadn’t kicked him out so we could have talked it through but he was just throwing verbal abuse at the woman who cared for him most of his life and I couldn’t watch it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. It sounds like you’ve been saying and doing all the right things where both kids are concerned. Also, by age 20, he should have much better control over his actions and words. He had no right to talk to you like this.
By the age of 6, I knew better than to talk to my parents this way.
I don’t think you should backtrack at all on the ultimatum. If he gets in touch, you can be relieved or happy, etc, but stay firm on your rule. He still has to apologize and it has to be heartfelt.
No throwaway stuff like ‘alright, alright, I’m sorry’. He needs to know WHY he’s sorry and the apology should reflect this.
Also, something else might be going on with him. Not an excuse but maybe an explanation.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Disclaimer: I’m adopted.
Adopted kids have some complex feelings that can be difficult to articulate, much less do anything about. It is not unusual to think about the family you ‘should have’ had, to feel like you lost out on something everyone else got to have. Something normal and basic and expected: your biological parents.
Your son is most likely grieving for the family he didn’t have.
It’s not a rational thing. His biological parents are dead. You didn’t ‘take’ them. But he still has grief. His extended biological family didn’t want him, either. That hurts.
As an adopted kid, I didn’t even realize how much grief I was carrying until the day I tracked down my biological father and learned that he had never wanted to give me up.
Yes, he was such an awful person that the courts took me away from him and denied his paternity and all, but I hadn’t been unwanted. I was loved.
That was like having this weight taken from my shoulders that I had no idea I was carrying.
Your son will never get that experience, obviously. But he has other family that didn’t or couldn’t take him in. And he has a little sister who obviously went through a lot of trauma and does have a biological family out there that – honestly I don’t know – might love her despite being awful people.
For the record, I love my adoptive family with all my heart. They gave me everything. I have never resented them. But everyone processes their emotions differently and these things are complicated.
You guys need to have a real conversation with your kid. Not an angry stormy blow-up with name-calling and house-kicking.
I get that your kid was and is being a jerk and you were very hurt and defending yourselves.
But now is the time to reach out and begin repairing the breach. Offer to be honest and talk about everything, so long as everyone is polite.
Recognize that your son has some nasty feelings right now without blaming him or his partner.
It may be easier to do all of this and keep the nasty emotions from running rampant by doing this in writing. I think being very thorough and clearing the air about the circumstances surrounding his and his sister’s adoption could go a long way toward helping him heal.
Your son is also dealing with the totally normal process of becoming an adult and learning to negotiate the parent-child relationship as an adult, which can also be hard.
Good luck; I know you love your kids and want the best for them.” Dry-Spring5230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you made a mistake. Your son seems to have gone down a bit of a rabbit hole… I know the whole ‘adoption tears families apart’ issue has gained some traction in recent years. I’m not in a place to speak about what may be actual instances of this, but this certainly was not the case in your adopting your son.
It’s almost as if your son has gotten into the Q theory of adoption. What he said to his mother and you were vile. Was your response perfect? I don’t know. But I’m not sure you’re doing your relationship any favors with the ‘and don’t come back until’ line.
I don’t know how to handle people like your son, who seem to have gotten sucked into a conspiracy theory. Best of luck in dealing with this situation: you sound like very decent people.” GroupOk3447
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’.
You don’t seem to recognize that adoption is traumatic, regardless of whether or not children have a good experience with it – it’s recognized by the medical community as such. It sounds like your son may be having big feelings about his own adoption and is projecting and having concerns about you keeping your other child away from her bio family (whether you keeping them away is valid or not, you should be aware it is very common for adoptive parents to keep kids away from bio family under the guise of ‘safety’).
I’m not saying this excuses his behavior, just maybe contextualizes it. I would highly recommend you find an adoption trauma-informed therapist to help you navigate this issue. I’d also recommend you put the kibosh on blaming the girl for his change in behavior, as well.
That won’t do you any favors in trying to repair relationships.” hotlettucediahrrea
3. AITJ For Getting Rid Of The Bricks That Were Left On My Property For More Than Six Months?
“Last summer my neighbor had some landscaping done in her backyard that involved bricks. At the conclusion of the work, her contractor stacked the leftover bricks (a couple of hundred) against my back fence. I noticed at the time but thought he did it because they were moving materials and equipment in and out of her gate.
Well, the job ended but the bricks stayed.
After a month or so, I asked my neighbor to move the bricks and instead, she gave me her contractor’s cell number. Weird, but OK. So, I texted him and asked him to remove the bricks. Six months passed with me texting every couple of weeks, asking that the bricks be removed or moved to my neighbor’s property.
Finally, I got annoyed, put a ‘free bricks’ ad on a social media marketplace and within 24 hours the bricks were gone. That was a couple of weeks ago, but this morning the contractor knocked on my door asking what happened to the bricks. I told them I gave them away after he abandoned them on my property.
He demanded that I pay him, and the neighbor is backing him up. I told him, ‘no way, I ought to charge you for storage.’ So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, those bricks were effectively abandoned. You shouldn’t have contacted the contractor yourself, but hounded the neighbor to hound him.
You might have given them 24 hours’ notice before putting them up for donation, so they couldn’t complain about not being warned, but that’s not a legal requirement. If they try to take it to small claims, counter-claim for storage.” perkelemonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, they put those bricks on your property without your consent.
Then both your neighbor and contractor refused to take responsibility for them leaving them abandoned. Now that you got rid of them they expect you to pay? Tell them, God no! Let them try to take legal action against you the judge will rule in your favor.” KylieJadaHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; you contacted him several times over several months.
The contractor can get the money from your neighbor, who truly owes the contractor the funds. But obviously, your neighbor doesn’t want to pay the contractor for that loss, which is why your neighbor is agreeing with the contractor.” fleurgold
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stay At An Airbnb?
“I (F25) moved to another country when I was 18 to study and where I remain to work now. I got my own apartment recently and my mom came to visit this week.
Of course, I offer for her to stay with me now that I finally have my own apartment without roommates, but I do know she is very particular with cleanliness since I lived under her roof for 18 years.
So, before her arrival, I paid for (very expensive) deep cleaning to an already cleaned apartment just to make sure it was super thoroughly cleaned.
Once she arrived, I had still a few calls (remote work) and I see she put on curtains in the middle of the day in my living room making it very dark, I ask why she did that, to which she responds; ‘how do you live like this watching the dust fall on your (glass) coffee table?
Should I call someone to remove the (top) glass layer?’ I said I don’t mind it and no need to replace it. She also rearranged many many things in the apartment while I was on the call.
I go grocery shopping, and once I got back I see she started a load of laundry of my clothes that was in MY closet.
I get super triggered for obvious privacy reasons, not to mention cleaning already-cleaned clothes. I ask her not to do that again to which she took big offense. Mind you I’ve lived on my own and done my laundry since I was 18.
The next day – another online meeting – she comes in with my jacket to show me how I have a tissue in the pocket and that I shouldn’t do that as it could clog my washer.
Also after my call told me she will wash my backpack, to which I saw all my things taken out of it and laid them out on the table as she prepares it to be washed (thank GOD I didn’t have anything inappropriate in that bag).
This makes me flip tho for 1. Interrupting my call because of this 2. Going through my pockets and backpack (again which I perceive as an invasion of privacy) and I tell her it would be best to get an Airbnb on her own. To which she again took big offense and cried. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds to me like your mother has a bona fide mental health issue. I imagine she will rearrange things at an AirBnB as well, and that might open up another whole can of beans with whoever owns the AirBnb. So keeping her at your place will protect her from whatever reaction the renter would have.
You set boundaries, she ignored them. She doesn’t care about boundaries bc she has a mental health issue! I assume that restating the boundaries is as useless as expecting your things to be left alone. You might want to talk to her about the need for a therapist. Maybe it would help you, too, to know how to deal with this unacceptable behavior.” DTinHPP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s acting like she’s moving in and crying crocodile tears to get her way when you asked her to respect you like a human being. It’s sitcom worthy.
Your mom wasn’t treating you as an adult daughter. She was consciously choosing to disregard what you asked, insult you, and talk down to you like you were her dog to scold.
If she can’t treat you like a human being, she doesn’t deserve you.
You communicated your issues. Your mom chose to repeatedly disregard them. Your mom’s actions have shown that she doesn’t care about you or your opinion. If you hadn’t kicked her out, she would’ve continued her behavior.
Narcissistic parents can overrule their children and can try to take over their living space.
Personally, I wouldn’t let your mother return. If you do, you need to put your foot down the moment she starts changing the apartment. It’s your apartment. Not hers.” mimi7600
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re setting appropriate boundaries with her. Going through your closet and washing your clean clothing? Rearranging everything? Her behavior is inappropriate. There’s wanting everything clean and neat and there’s her behavior. I’m wondering if she has an untreated mental illness.
Good for you for not putting up with it and suggesting she stay somewhere else.” MinervaZee
1. AITJ For Being Offended When My Sister Wanted Me To Cover Up My Tattoos For Her Wedding?
“So my youngest sister of us 3 sisters is getting married and asked our middle sister and me to be in her wedding. Of course, I said yes and I was actually excited when she asked me to help pick out bridesmaid dresses for my middle sister and me.
The wedding is in the summer in Texas so I know it’s going to be HOT so when I was helping look for dresses I was looking for something that won’t be too warm and that comes in both plus size for me and regular size for middle sis.
I sent a few options and found one I really liked.
Even the bride agreed it was a really cute dress but then she brought up the fact that it would show off my tattoos. Up until this point, it didn’t even occur to me that my tattoos would be an issue, so for her to casually bring up the fact that she expects me to cover them all… I found it a bit insulting.
Not to mention impractical as I would have to wear long sleeves and a high neckline to cover them all in 100-degree weather.
At first, I pretended I wasn’t hurt but then she said that she ‘didn’t want my tattoos to be the focal point of her wedding photos.’ I was extremely insulted at this point and blew up at her.
I didn’t mean to get so upset but I was very hurt by the way she brought it up and the way she worded it, like my tattoos would ruin her photos and that I didn’t fit into the aesthetic of her wedding.
I feel she had no tact and could have approached the situation in several other ways that wouldn’t have come off so rude.
I don’t want to use the word bridezilla but I think the way she brought up the topic was in really poor taste. Now we are not speaking to each other and my mother is very upset that we are in a fight.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it’s not uncommon for brides to want the wedding party to hide or avoid tattoos. They obviously mean a lot to you and your aesthetic and you are insulted. Consider this: they don’t mean the same to her – they represent a rejection of her aesthetic.
It seems from your lack of arguing this aspect of the story that you either have striking tattoos or many of them. Additionally, you seem to agree you would not fit the aesthetic of her wedding.
If she used the words you quoted, I don’t think that quote above was unreasonable.
Obviously, she wouldn’t want your tattoos to be the focal point of her wedding day. They don’t have special meaning to her – they are simply jarring and a distractor.
Now, you may well feel that she should respect you enough as family, and as a friend to not ask you to cover up.
And YWNBTJ if you chose not to go in response. I guess what you should reflect on is – it’s neither uncommon nor totally unreasonable to be asked to cover tattoos politely, especially if they’re striking and they’re going to end up front and center in someone else’s photos for a very long time.
You’ve acknowledged clearly that you and your sister have very different aesthetics. She’s not going to choose the same as you for herself or for an event she’s styling.
So is the issue that you see your tattoos as an extension of yourself and you feel she’s rejecting you?
Is that worth further thought? And what matters more – you needing to show your tattoos? Or you trying to find a way to honor her planning?” nmerald
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister isn’t necessarily a bridezilla for not wanting visible tattoos in her wedding photos, but she should have made that clear when she asked you, a heavily tattooed person, to be in the bridal party.
That way, you could have made an informed decision and planned accordingly if you agreed to it.
It’s weird that she seemed to just assume you’d know to cover up your tattoos unless she’s been vocally anti-tattoo in the past. It’d be like if I asked my friend who’s been dyeing her hair unnatural colors for her entire adult life to be my bridesmaid, only to tell her months later that ‘by the way, I’ll need you to wear a wig or go back to your brown hair.’
Maybe your reaction was a bit extreme, but you’re in the right to be upset about the situation.” achaoticbard
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
What we have here is a failure to communicate. When she asked you to be a bridesmaid, she should have asked you at that moment if you’d mind covering up your tattoos.
If you said no, then she’d know to pick someone else if that kind of thing was important to her (and it clearly is).
However, you wildly overreacted. So because she was a bit… indiscreet, you blow up and get yourself kicked out of the wedding?” sjsyed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but neither is your sister. You chose to get full-body tattoos. You should have known when you made that decision that they would not be acceptable in certain situations. So you either forgo those activities or cover them with concealer or clothing.
You know your tattoos attract attention, people probably stop on the street to look at them. It’s not just about photoshopping them out of pictures. You are going to stand up in front of everyone next to your sister at her wedding. You will be distracting and taking attention from your sister on her wedding day, during the ceremony.
It may not be deliberate but it will happen. Everyone will be looking at the tattooed lady instead of the bride.
You be you, if tattoos make you happy, have at it. But everything you do has consequences. One of the consequences of covering your body with ink is that not everyone will want them on display all the time.
It’s your sister’s day, find a way to not steal the limelight.” cammsterdancer
