People Seek Reassurance Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Getting Out Of The Car To Post On Social Media Before Meeting My Partner's Family?
“I am hosting my very first fundraising event this Sunday, where I’m handing out free bicycle helmets. It’s solely my event, I’ve spent the past 5 days going door to door to raise funds and I’m handling everything on my own.
Today, my partner’s dad is visiting from out of town. We decided to bring her dad and sister to our favorite park in town. My partner’s dad and sister drove in one car, and we drove in our own.
On the way out of the house, I noticed my helmets for the fundraiser got shipped in. My partner at the same time ran to the restroom, so I took a picture to post on my social media as an update on the fundraiser for the friends and family that donated. My partner got back in the car, and we drove off to the park.
As soon as we got in the car I was finishing my post by choosing a song to go along with it. My partner turned the music up very loud, and I couldn’t hear the music off my iPhone speaker.
I asked my partner if she could turn down the music for a second while I chose the snippet of the song and finished my post. My partner instantly got defensive and said “it’s my day off of work, why should I have to turn down my music?” I said she didn’t, just to let me finish the fundraiser post, and then she can turn it back up as loud as she wants.
She responded, “what do you want me to do, turn the whole car off too, and … (started mumbling).” She turned down the car speakers a few notches, which was enough for me to hear my phone speaker.
A few seconds later, she said she didn’t want to hear my music at all and to turn it off. I said I wasn’t trying to listen to music, I just wanted to post my fundraiser update.
She said no, and to stop playing music off my speakerphone now. I responded, “well, if you won’t let me update my fundraiser post, then I’ll leave.” She responded, “fine, if that’s more important to you, then leave.” I said ok, got out of the car, and finished my post. She drove off and left me a few miles from home, where I had to walk home.
She texted me later saying I was very immature and she was disappointed as I was supposed to spend time with her family.
I’m not upset that she left, as I decided to get out of the car, but she’s making me apologize for leaving.
But that’s because she wouldn’t let me make my fundraiser post which only required her to turn down the music for 2 minutes. But when we talk about it she tells me to stop ‘trying to be right’, and admit that my bringing up leaving was wrong and it was my fault.
IMO, since she said “if you want to post that, then you can get out of my car” and the fact that she gave me such a hard time updating my fundraiser is disappointing.
So, AITJ for saying I’d leave in the first place, and then leaving when she told me to leave if I want to when we were on the way to spend time with her family?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH
I don’t see why she couldn’t let you finish your post. She was a major jerk for that.
But your reaction to it caused you to not spend time with your partner’s Dad.
I think that’s a little bit worse. Your post could have waited until later. Your appointment with your partner’s Dad could not. In that situation, he was more important than getting your post posted.
It’s unfortunate that your partner’s attitude led to yours, but the fact that she started it doesn’t absolve you. Sometimes in life, we need to stay cool and defer a discussion/argument to a later time.
This is what you should have done in this case.” cpagali
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked nicely for her to turn down the music for just a little bit and her response was you don’t matter and my needs are more important than yours.
She then drew a line in the sand saying her way or get out cementing that her need to listen to music is more important than your selfless charity. You chose to remove yourself from an argument by getting out of the car and now she is upset that she couldn’t control you.” clanger88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds immature, and honestly, a red flag. I don’t know for how long you have been seeing each other but has she always been like this?
She seems like a really toxic person that doesn’t want to understand your pov or just properly communicate in general.” 5chocmans
18. AITJ For Not Cooking Dinner For My Mother-In-Law?
“I (25F) am having a baby with my husband (31M). I’m currently about 28 weeks pregnant, so my MIL has moved in for the time to help around the house.
Initially, she was making dinner, but after a week or two, she stopped and complained she was too old for this. I don’t really mind going back to making dinner as long as it’s simple things, but there’s been a problem with MIL again.
I’m a vegetarian, so all the meals I make are vegetarian, but MIL isn’t and she’s been complaining about the lack of meat. I told her I don’t mind if she cooks meat, but since I don’t eat it I don’t enjoy cooking it and to be honest, the smell makes me feel a bit sick.
She keeps throwing a fit whenever I make vegetarian dinners and has even been dropping some snide hints that my vegetarian diet might affect my baby’s growth.
I’m at the end of my rope.
I put up with mostly eating side dishes while she was cooking, but if I’m going to be cooking I want to at least make something I enjoy. I asked my husband to talk to MIL about this, but he said it’s a women’s issue and he doesn’t want to get involved. He suggested I just start making two dinners, one with meat and one without, to keep the peace.
I snapped at him that just making one dinner is exhausting enough, and if MIL wants a dinner just for her she can make it herself. He got mad that I didn’t take his suggestion and things have been a bit frosty between us since then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need to sit down with your husband and tell him that his mother needs to leave. Now. If she is “too old” to make dinner then she is going to be ZERO help once the baby comes.
If she is not there to help, then she is just creating more work and stress for you. Especially if your husband is backward enough to think that certain tasks can only be performed by women.
She just wants to be there to snuggle the baby and to tell you what to do and how to raise your child. And clearly, your husband is not going to have your back with those things either – more “women’s” problems I am willing to bet.
Your husband is also a jerk – tell him that his mother is causing you stress that is not good for the baby and if he is not willing to put the baby’s health (and yours) ahead of his mother’s feelings then you will be the one to leave.
And if dinner is a “women’s” issue then I suggest you stop making it for him. He can starve like the manly man he is.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell her to leave if she doesn’t like it. I thought she was there to help?!? She has her own home, she can go there and eat whatever she wants.
I love meat but with my first pregnancy the smell of raw meat was too much for me, so either my husband would cook it (I didn’t mind once it was cooked) or we just had something else.
It’s not super great for your appetite and thus your baby either if you’re being forced to prepare things that make you feel ill.
Your husband sounds like a gem btw, “women’s issue,” maybe have him go back to Mommy’s house too until he can behave like an adult.” Adliz766
Another User Comments:
“Kick MIL out, and have her take her son with her.
I’m sorry, you are having a child with a man who calls cooking “women’s issues”? Who won’t deal with his own mother?
Who expects his pregnant wife to cater to his mother? Girllll, you better get a backbone quick.
Do not cook two meals. You having to cook for her at all takes away why she is even there.
If you have to take care of her and she is “too old” to cook, why has she moved in to help you? She doesn’t sound very helpful.
So no, you are NTJ for not wanting to make two dinners.
But do not keep putting up with this. Make dinner – one dinner – put it on the table. The first snide remark, you be very clear – you can eat what I cook, or you can make something else, and if this issue comes up again, you are welcome to leave.
If your husband says anything in defense of his mother, you look at him and tell him he can leave too. Then you sit there and enjoy your dinner and DO NOT engage in a fight or conversation beyond that.” mfruitfly
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Partner At My Wedding?
“I (26F) and my partner “John” (27M) are getting married in a few months. We’re planning a small ceremony followed by a nice dinner, no party, no reception, etc. My partner and I have expressed our desire to keep things small and as inexpensive as possible.
My partner’s brother’s wife (future sister-in-law) “Lucy” is a notary and has married people in the past, and volunteered to do the ceremony and file the documents for us at no cost. My parents, his parents, his brother “Quincy” and sister “Mary” and my sister “Tina” are all attending.
The issue is we want to keep costs minimal, so we asked Mary to not bring her partner. We also asked my sister Tina to not bring her wife or her children, which she has no issue with.
We also asked Quincy to not bring his children and would have asked him to not bring his wife, but Lucy is the one doing the ceremony, so she’s invited. Mary got very upset and claimed that we were being unreasonable because Lucy is coming, so she should be able to bring her partner and she says she was being left out on purpose.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m a former wedding planner. Although there is a “no ring no bring” rule that can be applied in most wedding guest scenarios, that gets thrown away in a few circumstances.
The circumstances:
- when it’s your sibling or other close family member’s SO
- when you have already discharged the rule for someone else (ie for Quincy)
Mary should be able to bring her partner, and Tina should also be offered an invitation for her spouse.
Leaving the kids out is totally fine.
Barring some personal issues with the SOs or real fear of them behaving inappropriately, I would always say to try to be more inclusive rather than exclusive when it comes to close family members.
I’ve never had a couple regret it.” lilFireMermaid
Another User Comments:
“I mean, it’s your wedding, but that doesn’t make your decision any less rude. Excluding your sibling’s partners and only allowing the one to attend who is benefiting you in some way is just unkind.
Aren’t they your family, too? Having a child-free event isn’t uncommon but if one of my husband’s siblings didn’t include me in their wedding event that would pretty much set the tone for the future of our relationship.
YTJ.” bolivia_422
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Technically by etiquette standards, you’d be within your rights to set a “spouses-only” limit, so I’m not sure why Mary’s more upset with you than Tina.
But it is rude to treat spouses like they’re not part of the family, so if your budget is too tight to sustain even one additional person, I’d seriously think about just picking a time you can get away with cake and punch so you don’t need to cut costs at the expense of family relationships.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the grain here with NTJ. My sister’s wedding was 11 people total including the couple, his parents, her parents, myself, 2 of her best childhood friends, and 2 of his childhood best friends.
No spouses besides parents and no kids. No one was offended and lots of people were left out. My sister hates being the center of attention and wanted to elope.
The parents wanted a ceremony so this was the compromise. I’m just glad I was there, and my husband knows and loves my sister and knows it wasn’t about him it was about her standing in front of a group of people and speaking which is not something she ever wanted to do.
Your family is entitled to their feelings and can decide if they want to attend or not. But it’s your wedding and you can choose to elope and invite no one as well.
In this case that may be your best option.” HCbumblebee
16. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Didn't Answer My Phone Call?
“A couple of weeks ago I accidentally left my car keys in my uniform pants at work and left my pants in my locker (I don’t wear my uniform home for multiple reasons.
I just bring it home to wash – I have 2.)
I realized when I got to the subway station, where I’d parked, that I’d left my keys back at work – a half-hour train ride and no guarantee I’d be able to get back in the building (it was after midnight).
I called my husband to ask him to bring me the spare key. Twenty-two times. I tried my son, but he was asleep (he’s 19 and has a car) and didn’t wake up when I called a second time.
And I tried a friend. I didn’t want to call too many people because again, it was after midnight.
I kept calling my husband hoping eventually he’d hear his phone.
I wound up taking an Uber home.
I needed to go get my car because they ticket after 2 am usually. So, when I got home, I was pretty upset that I’d called 22 times and he hadn’t answered. I continued trying to call him the whole way home in the Uber.
When I got home, I went inside and up to the bedroom and woke him up. I was upset that had this been a serious emergency, I wouldn’t have been able to get through to him.
He kept saying he had my number in his “favorites” so that if I called twice, the second time it would go through. But he had the phone on SILENT!
And then put it on top of something soft. So he didn’t hear it vibrating.
He complained that I was mad at him for something I did. I replied that no, I was mad at ME for forgetting my keys.
That was 100% on me.
I was mad at HIM for not having his phone on and that he’s unreliable in an emergency, which thankfully, wasn’t a huge one.
So, AITJ for waking him up and being upset that I couldn’t reach him in what wasn’t a big emergency, but what if it had been?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This wasn’t an emergency…so you woke him up after midnight to yell at him for not waking up? Charming. What was so bad about waiting until morning to speak to him and ask him to recheck his settings?
Not sure why you preferred to stew on your way home and start an argument at an ungodly hour over a mistake you made. You forgot your keys. You could have called an uber and gone back to your work with spare keys if you really wanted to.” BellesBooks
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t think I know a single person who has ever put their phone on silent who hasn’t at one point forgotten they’ve done so.
It happens.
Also, you do not call people 22 times for ‘forgotten keys’, especially not after midnight.
Emergencies after midnight are for the emergency services. If it’s not for the emergency services then it’s not a true emergency.
You had your phone and the means to pay for a ride home. It was never an emergency, merely an inconvenience that you caused yourself.” Blommer12345
“I won’t call you a jerk, but some advice: you do have a legitimate point, but your delivery is off.
Seeing that you clearly work a late job and are taking public transportation on your own at night, it is vital that you are able to reach someone trustworthy (particularly your husband) in the event of an emergency, big or small.
And yes, I’d consider this an emergency because you’re now alone at night without transportation. Use this as a learning experience for you both. Do not get mad at him, but express the importance of him being reachable, even if he is sleeping, during these times.
Calmly express that you need him to have his phone off silent and/or not on a soft surface when he goes to bed in case you need to reach him.
Maybe have a similar conversation with your son. It is so important to have reliable emergency contacts who are reachable.
I’ve had this same convo with my fiancée.
Her phone is often dead; the few times she’s been away or out late, I kindly request that she makes sure her phone is charged, and I make sure that I am reachable.
And vice versa, if I’m away, I make sure she knows she needs to be reachable. Having this conversation in a calm manner where you express the importance of being reachable is so important, and I think you’ll find this approach to be helpful and your husband to hopefully be receptive.
A late-night Uber without being able to reach anyone is not an okay resolution, in my opinion. There are horror stories about what happens to women in this exact situation.
At the very least, I would want to be on the phone with my SO as she waits for an Uber and takes the ride home (if I can’t get her for some reason).
People don’t understand what a deterrent it is to bad actors to simply have someone on the phone.” ScotchManDan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Luckily you were able to get an uber home.
What if you weren’t, were you supposed to walk home in the dark?
Yes, you’re okay this time, but what if next time you’re not? Especially seeing as you frequently work late hours.
Husband definitely needs to learn from this and make sure he can always hear his phone, especially when he knows you are working the late shift.”_firsttimecaller
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Co-Worker Apologize?
“Two days ago I (25F) woke up with bad period cramps and took the day off by informing work. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS a few years back and it makes even standing up or doing anything standing up very difficult.
But after being on meds and a healthy lifestyle, symptoms improved. Not 100% but enough to not disrupt my life. But that does not mean I am pain-free, I just have a higher pain tolerance so no one knows how bad it gets except for my husband and mom who helps me get through my cramps.
And taking meds just makes my body shiver in addition to feeling lethargic. This morning it came unexpectedly and so I wasn’t prepared like usual when I have my meds ready the day prior.
And it was awful. So I informed my supervisor who knows about my issues. She got someone to cover for me because I have covered for so many others it was easy to find someone to volunteer and that was that.
Went to my OBGYN got new meds came home and was knocked out.
At 2 pm I woke up to a group text message between my friends C (40F) and P (39F) talking badly about me.
C is my colleague as well and we work in the same department. I was shaking so badly and crying. They were exchanging messages the whole morning up to 11 am about how ungrateful I am, that I will lose my job, and how I am giving C headaches with these constant absences.
And nasty things. Seems like they talk about me occasionally this way. I. Was. Shocked. I know I am very dedicated to my work and stay late to finish tasks so I don’t have things piling up the next day.
I clock in an hour early so that my mornings are smoother (I am a special needs teacher) and I am ready for the day. When C takes time off I take her classes over and have done so more times than I can count because she is a mom with 2 kids and it gets hectic and I don’t have kids yet.
I have cooked meals and brought her since she complains about no one making anything for her.
I was hurt and messaged back saying is this what you think of me and talk about me?
I spoke of all the times I had her back and did so much for her. Classless and unfair. I am sure they didn’t realize they were chatting on the group chat.
Cue dead silence. The same evening they both came knocking on my door and I just couldn’t. They were knocking for a good 10 minutes and my husband who was home with me also agreed not to open the door.
Didn’t pick up the phone, when they called to apologize. I had my pain to deal with, I just couldn’t deal with them. The next day she tried to apologize but I smiled and acted as if nothing happened and just was busy anyways.
I told this to a few friends and they were shocked. But some said I should have just opened the door and let them apologize. I do feel I should have done that and listened to their side too and just given them a chance to clear the air.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ— they were way out of line. Tell your union rep.
I’m also a teacher— there’s an HR department called “abilities” that deals with people who take a lot of time off or need accommodations.
So if someone has filed their doctor’s note with abilities, it’s no one’s business, we’re not allowed to ask or get involved at all. I’ve had coworkers who have accommodations like this and was very clearly told that it’s no one’s job but abilities to speculate or warn or anything else.
But as for the favors, cut her off. She’s not your friend. I hope you feel better soon.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Good googly-moogly, they sound like a very self-centered type of person.
I agree with you, having kids is hard and things don’t always go smoothly, and yet, you’ve gone out of your way to help and be more than accommodating.
Next time they need help, I would be incredibly reluctant to agree to it if that’s how they feel about helping you.
Your husband sounds like an awesome guy though and I’m super happy to hear he stuck up for you and didn’t open that door.
You don’t HAVE to accept an apology there and then and you certainly don’t have to accept it after they have come to harass you at your home while you’re ill.
Anyone who knows about these conditions should know that they are not just little aches and pains but have even caused people to pass out and so, that should be enough to tell them how bad a flare-up can be unmedicated.” sunshinemight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have been in your shoes, it doesn’t get better. People whom I have helped in any way possible, have said nasty things behind my back and made comments about my appearance and everything overall.
Be strong and I hope you get better soon. Don’t let these people take advantage of you anymore. I repeat they will never change no matter the circumstances.” Spare_Corgi_3578
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Dogsit For Me Anymore?
“So back in April I took in a dog that was being mistreated. When he came to my house he was standoff-ish and quiet. Gradually with some work, he has now become outgoing and every day I get to learn more about his sweet and loving personality.
He was even sleeping in my bed and learning to cuddle. I also have many friends and they love him and he loves them as well.
One friend in particular really loves my dog and lives quite close so I ask him to walk my dog when I can’t get back in time.
When he is available he has helped and it’s been great. A couple of months ago I had to help a friend and I was going to be overnight so I asked a close friend to watch my dog.
He said yes and agreed to stay overnight to watch my dog. (Because I don’t feel comfortable with my dog staying overnight alone.) I also paid him about $20. However that night he left my dog around 9 pm to go out with some friends he then got intoxicated and forgot/chose to not stay at my house with my dog.
He did go over first thing in the morning and my dog was fine. But I was still upset that the one night I asked is the one night that he got intoxicated and didn’t do everything we agreed on.
My friend semi-apologized to me stating “your dog was fine” but I had to ask him to apologize to me. I eventually forgave him but was still nervous.
This last weekend I wanted to go on a short vacation for two nights.
I asked this friend first because he has now lost his job. (He quit because they asked him to get off his cell phone while at work) I thought he could use the pay.
He agreed to stay with my dog. I was still nervous but thought it will be ok.
This time he did stay the night both nights. Which is great! But then he invited friends to my house Friday night to have a small party.
He didn’t ask my permission just told me some mutual friends were coming but another person came that I didn’t find out about until I came back. The next day he took my dog to a dog park which is great!
But then he invited more friends and took my dog to the center of the city and we live in a very large city without asking me or even telling me.
I found out after when those friends posted on social media.
On my way home he had an argument about that and he said I was wrong for asking him to stay the night with my dog in the first place.
He said it was asking too much and also got angry with me because I said I don’t trust him anymore. He went on to post on social media the photo shoot he did with my dog downtown.
When I got home to my dog, he seemed fine but when I had a couple of friends over for dinner, my dog was stand-off-ish and skittish again and didn’t sleep in my bed.
AITJ for limiting his time with my dog and finding a new dog sitter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you get what you pay for. $20 per day to stay overnight???
I would never go back on my word or invite random people to my friend’s house while they’re not home…. but I wouldn’t agree to give up my whole weekend for a measly 40 bucks either.
Hire a real pet sitter and compensate them appropriately for their time.” 1000eyes_and1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend is irresponsible, and disrespectful of your clear wishes, both in regard to your dog and your home.
When a dog is recovering from mistreatment, it is very important to socialize them gradually and keep a close eye on their behavior. I’m not sure how long the dog has been in your care, but as a behaviorist, I can confirm that the psychological recovery for mistreated dogs can take months or years, and it is possible that you will find some triggers that could affect your dog for the rest of his life.
To take a dog who is in recovery to public places without its owner (or ideally, the dog’s trainer/behaviorist as well) is irresponsible and potentially dangerous. What if the dog encountered a trigger and became anxious, fearful, and reactive?
YOU as the owner are responsible for your dog’s behavior. If something unfortunate happened in public, YOU and YOUR DOG would face the repercussions of that ordeal, not your friend.
IMHO, you should be cautious of taking your dog to parks and busy areas in the city, and you certainly should not be allowing other people to do it. You are well within your right to feel uncomfortable about the decisions that your friend made while dogsitting.
Your friend crossed clear boundaries and put your dog in situations that could have gone south quickly and easily. It seems that your friend used your dog as an accessory to social outings with his friends and did not respect your dog’s needs and limits.
The behavioral changes in your dog since your return are indicative that your dog has been in situations he perceives as “unpleasant.” Take note of that, help your dog heal from it, and continue to move forward slowly in his socialization and recovery process.
Your responsibility is to your dog. I urge you to find other means of making sure your dog is properly taken care of when you are not around. I also encourage you to reach out to a local dog trainer or behaviorist who sticks to positive-reinforcement methods, so that you can make educated and intentional strides to help him heal.” menichap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend shows a pattern of irresponsibility.
If he thought it was too much of an imposition to watch the dog overnight, he should have just said so, instead of agreeing to do it.
He definitely should not be inviting other people into your home or taking your dog somewhere without your permission.
If you can’t trust him to respect your boundaries, it’s not worth the risk to have him watch your pet.
There’s no reason he can’t spend time with the dog, but he clearly can’t be trusted to watch him for any length of time.
You are allowed to set and enforce boundaries.” Irwin_Schwab
Maybe your dog isn't sleeping with you because your friend didn't let it sleep with him, so it sees that as a possibility, and maybe it likes it. Mind you I don't believe dogs should ever sleep on the bed with their owners so I admit to bias on that front.
13. AITJ For Getting My Daughter's Teacher In Trouble With The School?
“This teacher was my daughter’s teacher for grade 4 math and again this year for grade 5. In grade 4 instead of grading the tests herself, she got the students to grade each other and put all the answers up on the board.
For every test, my daughter’s test was given to a boy (who was known to dislike my daughter) who would black out her answers in marker and then mark them wrong.
She cried to me after she received a 0 and said she talked to the teacher about it and showed her the test paper which he had gone over all her answers in black marker and she enforced the 0 mark saying she didn’t have proof she wasn’t getting zeros so she wasn’t going to reverse it without “proof”.
I called the teacher to ask about it and she denied letting the students grade each other and said my daughter must have scribbled on her own sheet to avoid getting a bad grade because she doesn’t know the material. In grade 3 my daughter had an A in math and I promised to bring it up with the principal which she brushed off.
This teacher is very old and had been teaching at the school for a long time and I think she was just trying to cruise her way to retirement.
In the meantime, my daughter would bring the test paper to the teacher before she had to have the student who disliked my daughter grade it.
This teacher would tell her she wasn’t grading it because they were doing peer grading and she would cry and call me telling me the teacher was letting the bully boy “grade” her tests.
I called the principal several times and showed up at the school several times but was always blocked because he was busy. I was sick and tired of being given the runaround and called the school board and superintendent.
He saw me straight away and I showed him the blacked-out test papers and told him what was going on. He said he would talk to the teacher. After that my daughter’s grades were based on the tests she did for the rest of the year.
She only had 3 left and a final and she got an A. The teacher was not allowed to let students grade each other’s tests anymore.
This year my daughter had her again and the first test she had was AGAIN graded by peers and she AGAIN set her up with the bully boy!
I was so upset and called the superintendent immediately but I was sick and tired of this. The superintendent again promised to speak with her and about 2 weeks later she quit.
I’m not sure internally what happened, the superintendent wouldn’t say anything but she might have quit to avoid termination. I’ve also just moved my daughter to a new school because there won’t be a 5th-grade teacher teaching this year.
I’m friends with several parents of students from my daughter’s classes and several have texted me criticizing me for bringing it up to the superintendent again because now the school can’t hire a 5th-grade math teacher and the 5 and 6th-grade math classes have combined to be more than 70 students and their children don’t have enough time with the teacher.
I had been thinking of moving my daughter to a new school but thought if the teacher didn’t do it again she could stay since she wanted to say with her friends.
But should I have just moved schools and not said anything? AITJ for complaining again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You aren’t responsible for the teacher’s choices. She chose to do something stupid and detrimental to your child’s grade & possibly other children’s grades.
She then chose to quit. You didn’t force her into quitting. Your job is to act in the best interest of your child, which you did. Your other option was to sit back and do nothing, let your child get bad grades, and possibly get held back or fail the class.
What were you supposed to do? She backed you into a corner.” Screamcheese99
Another User Comments:
“I’m a teacher. Peer checking has its place, but the way this particular teacher handled it was beyond wrong.
Knowingly giving your child’s work to the same student over and over who marked out her answers… that is targeted mistreatment.
NTJ. You didn’t make her quit. Her lack of ethics put her in a position that made it the most attractive option.” green_ubitqitea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you helped future students from getting this teacher. The school is responsible for filling in those positions when teachers leave, you did not have to******* up and let your child continue to be bullied. My niece is going through this, her fifth grader is getting mistreated by his teacher but according to the principal her son doesn’t understand that his teacher is joking and according to the teacher he is just trying to prepare them for Jr. High.
This includes getting admonished in front of the whole class because Grandmother was late picking him up, homework not completed (niece’s family got sick but her son completed his homework packet and turned it in), the teacher took away the rewards cards and told her son he was now in the minus with rewards in front of the whole class.
Telling the whole class not to go whining to parents about what he tells them. My niece did email the teacher and contacted the principal but the principal defends the teacher.
I told her it is time to escalate to the superintendent and school board.” Suspicious-Horse9793
12. AITJ For Not Siding With My Partner?
“I (F28) have a partner of 10 years, Tony (M29). Tony is from a well-off family, maybe not super-rich but they never had a problem with finances. On the other hand, my family used to be very poor (on the verge of poverty), and even now they still have to live a very frugal life.
Given this, it was always obvious to me that I have to work and I’ve been supporting myself ever since my 18th birthday (legal age in my country). Tony on the other hand has a place to live, food, and other necessities, as well as his education covered by his parents.
The only things he has to buy by himself are things related to his hobbies but even in this case some of these he covers from his allowance (yes, he’s 29 and has an allowance).
Tony used to have a part-time job in a restaurant but he left it to pursue a YouTube career. Well, his channel currently has more than two years and barely above 500 subscribers.
Understandably, his parents are starting to be fed up with him not being able to support himself and are nagging him to find a job. He’s telling everybody that he’s looking for one but in reality, he doesn’t or put less than minimal effort into this.
He believes he deserves a well-paid, great job and doesn’t believe that with his current experience and abilities it isn’t exactly possible.
Recently during a dinner at Tony’s family’s place, they told him that they are not going to pay him his allowance anymore and he needs to settle financially.
He got upset and told them that he has to study (he’s studying on weekends – for which his parents also pay – also, he signed out from as many classes as possible because “he doesn’t have time”) and can’t work because he’s focused on pursuing his passion (YouTube channel) and needs time for it.
Honestly, I got fed up. My country is in a terrible economic situation and I have to work 10-12 hours per day, weekends excluded, to be able to pay for my basic expenses.
And he refused to make an effort to pay only for the things he doesn’t really need.
I told him, with his parents present, that he is ungrateful and at this point, it’s immature of him to still take his parent’s funds for granted. He said nothing and was visibly ashamed but later told me that a couple should always make a united front and that I “betrayed” him by agreeing with his parents.
He’s been ignoring me since then.
Before anybody will ask why I’m with him or tell me to dump him – he is intelligent, kind-hearted, ready to help, and very patient when it comes to some of my problems. I believe he just has to grow up, but despite his childish behavior in many aspects of his life, he’s a really good person.
I know that partners should have each other’s backs but I’m annoyed by his behavior when it comes to finances too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s basically thirty. If he hasn’t grown up now, when do you imagine he will?
He’s ten years behind you in maturity and responsibility. He will remain at least that far behind you even if he starts to grow up at all and he sounds extremely unwilling to do so.
You’re fed up because as good a person as he might be, you can’t have an adult partnership with someone who is such a child. He’s not going to magically stop being that way.
A ‘Good person simply isn’t always enough to make a life with.
Not everyone wants kids ofc, but if you do, seriously rethink who you’re going to have them with.
Because someone who refuses to have a real job at 29 is not the one to do it with.
Look you’ve been with him since you were a teenager. It’s probably hard to imagine adult life without him because you’ve literally become an adult as you started your relationship.
But you really, really need to look beyond him.
Of course, NTJ for calling out his childishness in front of his parents. Being a partner doesn’t mean telling them they’re wrong.
And he’s wrong. And you and his parents know it, and he needs to hear it.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Supporting your partner sometimes means telling them hard truths.
Your partner needs to figure out an actual plan for being economically independent. You can support him in that effort. But part of that is getting him away from YouTube and towards something more realistic.” Which-Month-3907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I won’t lie, things don’t look healthy for this relationship.
His parents cut him off and guess who he’s going to look to next?
You currently already pay most of the bills etc – he’s never had to pay out of his own pocket before. He has no incentive or reasons to cover expenses – you take care of that.
This is a situation that is likely to get worse before it gets better. Therapy is almost certainly a requirement for him.
I understand wanting to pursue your dreams and passions, but with 2 years and 500 subscribers how much work and effort is he even putting into his passion?
He’s looking at an average of less than 30 new subscribers a month and unless that bell curve has taken off in the last month it’s not a good projection.
At some point as an adult, you have to recognize not all dreams are attainable. I get it, millennials were taught “you can be anything you really want to be if you just believe in yourself,” but the truth is belief isn’t the secret ingredient.
The effort, commitment, and practical goals are. Most of the YouTubers I follow, even those with hundreds of thousands of subscribers still have some sort of job/alternative income source (be it marketing, sponsorships, merchandise, Patreon, etc) that is the main source of their income.
I even have a few friends who have a few thousand subscribers, the funds made aren’t worth quitting their day job over and certainly couldn’t sustain them financially.
At some point, he’s going to have to make some realistic and practical choices, and chances are it’s going to come down to an ultimatum from you. He needs to get a real job or you walk away because otherwise, you are enabling him just the same as his parents were, and he’s never going to learn or change until he’s forced to.
Good luck, you’ll need it.” Aradene
11. AITJ For Potty Training My Niece And Nephew?
“I (30’s F) have one child a 2-year-old daughter (26 months old) and am lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom.
Having had the time and good fortune I was able to potty train our daughter when she was 21 months. (Every family is different and this worked for us) she’s been day trained reliably since about 22 months, and night trained for the past month.
My brother and his wife have two kids, 10 months apart, their daughter just turned 3, and their son will be 4 in almost two months. Both were still in diapers. (No judgment there, we all have different lives and every kid is different,)
They had a chance to go to a destination wedding and asked if we could watch their kids for 8 days. I love my niece and nephew and am home anyway so we said yes!
On day two of their visit, my niece noticed my daughter’s princess shorts and asked if she could have some too. I said sure, but when you wear shorts you have to use the toilet, etc. I had a pack that is too big for my daughter currently and gave those to her.
She had one accident that day but otherwise took to it amazingly well!
On day four, my nephew commented on being the oldest and the only one currently in diapers and asked if he could have some shorts so I had the same talk with him about using the toilet and practiced a couple of times.
We went to the store and he picked out some shorts. He has had zero accidents and is dry overnight too.
When my brother and SIL came back it was obviously mentioned that they were out of diapers.
I mentioned that my niece has been wearing a pull-up overnight but my nephew is dry 24/7.
My brother’s first reaction was he was happy and thanked me. My SIL on the other hand got really mad.
Told me I had no right, etc.. and that it’s one thing to force my kid to do it when she’s too young but another to force her kids too.
I never intended to potty train them. I figured I’d be changing diapers for 8 days and that was fine. But when they asked it seemed wrong to deny a child and keep them in diapers.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I kinda understand her reaction, because it’s a milestone and she probably feels like you took that away from her. But after having been explained how it all came about, she should graciously thank you.
I would be thrilled to come back from an 8-day vacation to find both of my children no longer require diapers. Hopefully, she will come around.” dolphin_life_64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Those kids were clearly willing & able to decide it was time to be diaper free. It was strange that a neurotypical child at nearly 4 was still wearing them.
I can’t even imagine the expense of two three-year-olds wearing pull-ups 24/7. With simply one child years ago, it was…. not cheap, even with military commissary price tags. Plus the impact on the environmental waste system.
Oy.
Mine was 3 years, 6 months, & 4 days when she was finally able to be free in the daytime. Took another 13 months for nighttime when she finally trusted herself. Though it took her longer because of something related to prematurity.
Turns out recently we finally figured out she has mild dyspraxia which doctors never considered.
Her potty training at an older age was like a switch had finally clicked over.
After she had obsessed off & on since 19 months, it was successful with no drama. So I can easily imagine what it was like with these two kids.” Bring-out-le-mort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have 3 kids – 7, 6, and 2 (28mo). What you did wasn’t forcing them at all. You allowed them to make their own choices about it. It also sounds like you’re the type of person who’d be ok if after a while the kids said they weren’t ready just yet and needed the diapers back.
This is the exact opposite of forcing.
I’m wondering if SIL is mad bc she wanted the “experience” as a mom (IMO not very enjoyable so…personally I’d be thankful) or if she’s upset that she can’t just rely on the diaper and would have to stop whatever to get to the bathroom for them.
Or maybe some other reason… keep them “babies” longer?
My oldest was around 3ish when he was PT (minus wiping himself). He struggled more but we also didn’t know then that he is neurodivergent.
My middle initiated it herself. Her brother was trying so she wanted to as well. She was already PT by the time she was my youngest daughter’s age.
The youngest – I’ve been slowly introducing more potty things but life has been hectic lately and I’m less excited about the whole “drop what you’re doing and get them to the potty” part.
Plus I have carpet. But I’m not going to PREVENT her from using a toilet if she wants to. That just seems weird to me. If she asks to go I take her and we go through the motions.” Dysfunctional_A-2-RM
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To A Concert With My SO?
“Earlier this year I gifted my partner (33F) tickets to a concert that she really wanted to go to that was this past Friday night.
I’m (36M) not a fan of her music, nor the fact that this concert was in the city, but I wanted to make it a great gift. She was elated when I told her that I bought the VIP package (meet and greet, pictures with the band, etc.).
Last week my SO began asking if we had to get to the venue early. Being the thorough, detailed person that she is, I assured her I would check. Instead, I was too busy with work.
Honestly, it was getting a bit annoying that almost every few days she would ask, so I told her I didn’t see anything while deleting a bunch of emails from the venue for concerts I don’t even care about.
On Friday afternoon, she told me that she had tried looking things up and was only finding that the doors opened at 7. With that, I picked her up at 6 and arrived at the venue for 7.
Once inside, she showed security our tickets and asked about the meet and greet. The bouncer informed us that the VIP was at 6:00. I froze, and my SO turns to me asking if I received any kind of email (the tickets were in my name).
I told her that I deleted emails and she seemed to understand. I actually really enjoyed the whole time, so once her band’s set ended, we decided to not stay for the last band.
And this is where the trouble began.
It’s 10 PM, we’re outside of the venue, and she suggests we go to a bar a block away and either walk or rideshare.
Immediately I said there was not a chance. She mentioned that my car was in a secured lot and we wouldn’t be far, but I lost my cool, which I admit was NOT the best way to go about things, and told her, “You don’t go out in the city.
There is crime all over the place!” She responded that we were in the city. I went off about how I can’t stand it here, so she said that we’ll just leave.
No raising of her voice, she just said she was fine with leaving. She was silent on the way back and I suggest that we go back to my place to finish out the night and she refused. This also upset me because I asked what was wrong with the bar next to my apartment and she shut that down with her short responses.
Overall, the night cost me over $300, and while she is saying more to me now as opposed to Friday night, she is being very distant. She told me she could live with not going to the meet and greet except for how things turned out afterward and that is when the disappointment truly set in.
My response was that I was only bringing her to the concert, nowhere else, and thinking of her safety. She continued that I shouldn’t have bought the tickets if I was only “tolerating doing so”.
I do accept that I made some mistakes, chiefly with making us miss the meet and greet. The timing of the concert should have made this an unforgettable experience since her grandmother just died. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You deliberately deleted emails despite knowing she wanted to be sure of the details because you found it annoying that she asked. As a result, she missed what was almost certainly the main part of the gift for her (the chance to meet the artist – which was also the point of buying the VIP package).
Then you patronizingly told her that there wasn’t a chance you’d do something else when she was trying to salvage some measure of specialness out of her ruined night. You made an ignorant and bigoted generalization that cities are full of crime, and acted like a petulant child when she didn’t want to go to the bar near your apartment – which isn’t exactly a special or memorable thing to do if you go there all the time – and finally, you misrepresented the whole thing as being about you not being sufficiently enthusiastic about the band.
This isn’t about you tolerating the night out, it’s about you ruining it. The fact your partner just got quiet and withdrawn instead of pushing back worries me that you’ve got a history of “losing your cool” that makes her afraid for her safety if she speaks out.” SuperciliousBubbles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even if you didn’t like your SO, I don’t understand why you would spend so much on tickets and not care about making sure about the details.
You sound incompetent and low effort even as a friend, let alone as a partner, and also financially irresponsible as a result. If you acted the same way with a lack of attention to detail and deleted emails that could have been important at work, you wouldn’t have a job.
Why would you find that sort of carelessness acceptable in your personal relationships?
Enjoy being alone if you keep slacking on everything. No one deserves a half-baked effort. You are acting like you went above and beyond when you barely delivered the bare minimum and proceeded to hurt her in the process.
Newsflash, spending time with your significant other regardless of how it is spent is the baseline of any relationship. It’s not even deserving of a cookie but you’re acting like your sucky attitude is reward worthy.
And she was still trying to enjoy and salvage the night after you missed the meet and greet when she was in the right (and you proved it) to make sure of the time and details.
The fact she asked you multiple times and you got annoyed and ignored her shows that this isn’t the first time you screwed her over like this with plans and she knew you would not be reliable and tried to take charge.
I’d hate to be friends with someone so disrespectful of my time.” Alternative-Bend-396
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound really controlling and condescending. You say you did this thing for her, but then got annoyed at her excitement over the event?
If you didn’t want to read the emails, just forward them to her and let her pick through them. And then not even looking at her phone when she was showing you places she wanted to go, after that mess of a concert that you screwed up for her?
You should’ve been taking her anywhere she wanted. She’s an adult and crime can and will happen anywhere. It is the world we live in these days. Saying you can’t go somewhere, and more importantly, dictating where she can go, because of crime is ridiculous.
You need to find an agoraphobe apparently and be happy at home forever. This was ridiculous. I think she’s heading towards breaking up with you, and she would be completely justified with your behavior.
If you want to salvage it, you need to realize what you did wrong, really think on it, and then apologize and promise to do better. And then do it.
But also, you probably should be with someone more compatible since you apparently can’t hold back the condescending comments. Putting down her music and whatnot? Not cool. Also, in the future, buy the tickets and tell her you understand the stress she’s been under, she deserves a stress-free girl’s night out with her best friend.
Then let her do whatever the heck she wants to do without you being a downer next to her.” CheeseForLife
9. AITJ For Telling My Fiance Spliting The Down Payment For Our House Is Unfair?
“My fiancée and I have been looking to buy our first house.
We recently had an offer accepted on a house.
She was given $25k from a parent to go towards the down payment. The remaining downpayment amount is $20k.
I, perhaps unfairly, assumed that we would put down the $25k and then both put $10k from our own savings.
She wants to split the $45k so she puts $22.5k from her dad’s gift’ and nothing from her personal savings and I put $22.5k which is almost 100% of my savings.
I can see both sides but can’t help but feel it’s unfair to put me in that position. So WIBTJ for asking to put the $25k down and split the remaining $20k in half?
Edit: I want to add some clarity to my point of view. It is not that I don’t want to pay my $22.5k share, it’s just a bit suffocating when it is 95% of my savings.
Perhaps agreeing on a payment plan between us could be an option.
The gift indeed was given to her, but was vocalized as “I want to help you two start in life/get on the property ladder…”
I guess I unfairly took that to mean it was, to some extent, a gift to help us both.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to have a serious talk about how you’re going to handle finances as a couple.
Are you going to combine finances, or keep your finances separate? What happens when one of you gets a better job than the other? What happens if/when you have kids, and one of you stays home to look after them or takes a job with less responsibility so they can be more available for the children?
My very strong preference is to combine finances, in which case arguing about who owns what is irrelevant – it’s yours as a couple. But you need to have this conversation, and it’s a much bigger issue than the downpayment question.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“There are a lot of jerks here… but they’re mostly in the comments. NTJ.
What is this weird obsession that couples have to split the down payment exactly 50/50?
We have no idea what the finances of this couple are. Who earns more? Who has more debt? Who has more savings? Are they in similar positions financially?
I think it’s unfair of the fiancee to want to not only take nothing out of her personal savings, but profit $2,500 off the gift from a parent that seems like it was clearly intended to go 100% towards the home, while leaving the person she loves with basically zero savings to take care of emergencies or, heck, just squeeze a little bit of enjoyment out of life.
I paid 100% of the down payment on our home — my husband and I just weren’t at the same place financially, we’d either have to wait years for him to catch up OR leave him with absolutely zero savings for himself.
For the first several years of our marriage, we paid into shared expenses in proportion to our earnings — and yes, that means I often paid 2/3rds of our expenses and he picked up the remaining 1/3rd.
We’ve re-adjusted over the years as his income has started to catch up with mine, but I never want him feeling like he doesn’t have the wiggle room to grab a beer with friends or enjoy a new video game, especially when I have funds for large indulgences like girls’ weekends.
What you need to do is have a conversation with your fiancee about “big picture” finances, not just the down payment, but in the long run.
It might be reasonable to contribute in proportion to your savings (e.g., you each contribute the same PERCENTAGE of your savings).
It might be reasonable to have you contribute all of your savings except for a small cushion of X amount. There are a bunch of reasonable ways to handle it, what’s important is that you both talk about it and come to an agreement.” CuriousHaven
Another User Comments:
“I’m really conflicted on this one, maybe because once my partner and I started living together, we shared everything. I went on vacation with my grandmother to visit other family on the other side of the country, other family gave me $200 for “whatever you want to use it on.” My accommodations were paid, the $200 was a gift. You know what I did with it?
I wired it to my husband to put toward our bills.
When I was the breadwinner, everything I had was ours. When he became head of household, everything was still ours.
My grandfather is a farmer, grandkids got crop checks for Christmas ranging from $2k to $8k. You know what I did with those checks? I put it toward OUR future.
You guys don’t sound like you’re on the same team, but that’s just my opinion from my experience. Lots of people don’t combine finances but still manage to be a team.
It’s not about me, it’s about us and I’m not getting that vibe from the info here.” plantsb4putas
Another User Comments:
“The key here is who the gift was given to.
You both owe $22.5k for the down payment. If the gift was for both of you then that is $12.5k from each side of the payment, meaning you then each owe $10k.
But, if the gift was for her then she only owes $22.5k to the down payment, which is wholly covered by the gift, and you owe $22.5k which must be covered by you.
If it’s the second scenario then yes, YWBTJ. It’s absolutely not unfair for you to contribute half of the cost of your down payment.
You should have sorted out your approach to finances before you literally bought a house together, but you need to do this sooner rather than later.” Neon-Anonymous
8. AITJ For Uninviting My Best Man To My Wedding?
“I (37M) have been best friends with Brian (35M) for about 3 years now.
I first met him whilst working at a homeware store. He came in and I asked if he needed help, but he said he was just looking. I completely forgot about this until 2 days later when he came into the shop as the new retail assistant.
I brought up the interaction and we soon became friends. After a couple of weeks, my mother fell ill and was admitted to the hospital. I continued to work but was pretty down.
Brian noticed and asked me if anything was up. At first, I told him that there wasn’t and dismissed it but he asked again the next day. I explained the situation and he listened and comforted me, telling me that not long ago, he lost his grandmother so he understood what I was going through.
After this, I broke down crying. It was the first time I had cried in years. I explained to him that when I was younger, my father never allowed me to cry or get upset, and when I did, he would lock me out of the house until I stopped. He opened up to me too about his relationship with his father.
After probably about half an hour of discussing our lives and relationships, it came to 5 pm and I asked him if he wanted to go for a pint.
And so it became a tradition that after work every Thursday we’d go for a drink together.
Unfortunately, my mother passed, but that was 3 years ago now and since then, things have been looking up. Brian and I grew inseparable and he soon became my closest friend.
One day he invited his friend Sarah (35F) to the pub with us, as I had mentioned that I hadn’t been in a relationship in a while. Well, Sarah and I hit it off.
We soon started going out and would often meet up with Brian and his partner.
I proposed to Sarah 8 months ago and we plan to get married this December. Initially, I wanted my brother to be the best man, but due to him being distant since my mother’s passing, I felt like Brian was more of a brother to me than he was.
So whilst we were at the pub last Thursday, I asked him. He told he’d be honored until his demeanor suddenly changed. He said that there was something he needed to tell me.
I immediately thought back to 3 weeks ago while we were at my house, I had come out of the bathroom and caught him with my wallet, but he told me it wasn’t that.
He explained that for the first couple of years of us being friends, he was essentially stalking me. Of course, I was taken aback and didn’t understand but he went on.
He said that on the day we first met, he picked me randomly off the street and began following me. He even recounted that I gave a pound to a beggar on the way and stopped to look in a shop window so I knew he couldn’t be lying.
Of course, I freaked out. Our whole friendship was based on a lie. But he said he didn’t understand, since he genuinely was my friend and how we met doesn’t change anything.
Since then I have called him to tell him he is no longer invited to the wedding and hasn’t gone to work since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please file for a restraining order and do the following:
Change all your locks. Look for a locator app on your phone. Look for a GPS device on your car. Look for cameras throughout your entire house. Look for keyloggers on any home computer.
Change your passwords.
Do the same for your fiance. He has had access to your life for 3 years. You have no idea the extent to which he has gone. Please contact the police to explore your options.
This has only just come to light. Take your time with your response.” Mindless-Solution-32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if he is really your friend at this point, I would then wonder: Who is he stalking now?
If he chose you randomly off the street for no apparent reason or intention, then he obviously gets some kind of thrill out of stalking people and manipulating situations unbeknownst to those involved. Since you are no longer his target, who is?
Certainly someone.
Cut him out. That behavior is dangerous and manipulative. Even if he’s not doing it to YOU anymore, that is still how his mind works. Not safe.” E_Turnips_97
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Totally not the direction I thought this was going. I am going to say NTJ. I would now be concerned that his stalking would become even more intense, did his grandma really pass away when he said she did?
Is Sarah a plant since they were supposedly friends? I don’t know how you could trust anything this person said. What does Sarah say and do you trust her?” BKRF_1980
7. AITJ For Kicking Out A Server From My Wedding?
“I (25f) and my Husband (30M) got married last Friday. We planned our dream wedding down to our dream catering company.
The wedding was beautiful, after the pictures, we headed to our cocktail hour, and that’s when I saw her. My guests were all told to wear dark colors so my husband and I stood out, I also asked my guests to wear minimal makeup.
I had assumed that applied to the staff too.
The server (19ishF) had on clearly too much eyeliner. She also had diamond studs in her ears, a flashy ring, and one of those ugly nose studs.
The staff’s uniform was a black long-sleeved shirt but on her, it was too low cut and her pants were far too tight.
It was super distracting. she was walking around serving drinks and talking to my guests.
I asked another member of the staff to speak to their boss. When their boss came out I pointed out the server and asked that she be dealt with cause she was super distracting.
Their boss apologized and called the server back into the kitchen.
Not even an hour later the server was back out serving food for dinner. I called the boss over again and asked if the server could work in the back or go home.
Her boss said they were short-staffed tonight so she would see what can be done.
After a couple of hours of not seeing her, I saw the server again behind the bar.
I called the boss out one last time and told her if the server didn’t leave I would be calling the cops. The boss finally relented and told the girl to go home.
My husband and mother-in-law said I was acting crazy and that I probably got a poor college kid fired over nothing. My mother and maid of honor said it’s my wedding so I can do as I please.
It’s my wedding and I don’t want someone over-shining me and the server should know she’s at work and not dress up so much. I do feel kind of bad because she was pretty young.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, too bad you didn’t get to enjoy your wedding reception because you couldn’t stop obsessing over a college-aged server.
The things that you objected to in the server could have been fixed – she could have removed her jewelry, and the boss could have given her a shirt that covered her better.
But you didn’t want it fixed, you chose to complain about her and not the offending items.
This was entirely your choice to not enjoy yourself.” MsJamieFast
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for several reasons. The biggest reason is it’s your wedding day and instead of focusing on your new husband, on one of the most memorable days of your life, celebrating your love with your family and friends, you’re focused on a server and ensuring her life is difficult on your wedding day.
Do you hear yourself?
Also, she’s doing a job. If she’s wearing what she’s supposed to be wearing but it’s too distracting for you, then you must have extremely low self-esteem.
I’ve rarely heard of wedding guests being told what to wear so the wedding couple can “stand out”. As if the day already isn’t all about you. UGH.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“So you mean to tell me with all of the joyous moments happening during your big day, THIS was the thing you chose to focus on?! A college student is out of money because you decided to highlight your insecurities and act like a petulant child.
YTJ for sure. I promise 5-10 yrs from now you won’t remember this server.” throwerinthegame
6. AITJ For Not Paying For The Laptop My Child Broke?
“I (single mom of 2) hired a babysitter after I started working a new job (used to do work from home for 2 years).
My kids are 8 & 6. The babysitter is 17. She brings her laptop with her to study which is perfectly ok with me as long as she keeps an eye on the kids.
Yesterday, I came home and the babysitter showed me her laptop that got broken by my youngest. I was shocked I asked how this happened, and she said that she left the laptop in the living room and went to make the kids lunch but my youngest grabbed it and ran with it til he dropped it and broke the screen.
I said that was horrible and apologized to her but stated it was her fault for leaving the laptop within reach of the children. She said she thought my kids were old enough to know not to touch others’ stuff.
I explained how they might have thought it belonged to us since it was in our house. She asked if I could pay for it to get fixed but I refused and insisted it was her problem, not mine.
She ranted about having exams soon and doesn’t make enough to get it fixed. We argued and I had to tell her to go home after she persisted.
Later on, I got a call from her dad basically blaming the whole thing on me, and demanding I pay to get the laptop fixed but I still refused. Now she’s refusing to come again unless I pay her for the laptop repair even though I paid her in advance to watch the kids.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your kid broke it. Doesn’t matter if they thought it was theirs (and come on, they’re old enough to know that it wasn’t, they’re able to recognize by 6-8 what is and isn’t a regular fixture in their home), they still broke it.
Ultimately you’re responsible for their actions as their parent. If they break something it’s your responsibility to get it fixed or replaced. It’s just part of having kids.” Theabsoluteworst1289
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the grain here and saying ESH.
She’s 17 and not an adult. So while she shouldn’t have left the laptop out, it is what it is.
Your children are old enough to know better than to run around with someone else’s expensive property.
The babysitter is in charge. If the kids had broken your tv while she was watching them would you blame her or the kids?
I think you at the minimum offer to pay the cost of half of the repairs.
But as for her watching your children, yeah that’s over.” HPNerd44
Another User Comments:
“YTJ dude. Fix the laptop. She’s a 17-year-old kid, and it’s not unreasonable to expect your 6-year-old to know not to break somebody else’s stuff. He’s not a baby or a toddler.
Elementary schoolers use laptops every day nowadays. He should know not to touch or break that kind of stuff.
Also, you have a lot of audacity expecting her to come back and babysit your kids again after you refused to take responsibility for something that your children did.
You need to apologize again and pay for her laptop.
Also, if your children don’t already know not to touch things that aren’t theirs, especially when the other person’s back is turned, then you are going to have a lot of problems in the future.
Use this as a teaching opportunity.” Mady134
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If a 2-3-year-old did it, that is justified and you could call that a judgment error on her part for leaving it out (but still replace it).
But your kids are school-age, and they know not to touch things that aren’t theirs. You insult your children’s intelligence to say they could have thought it was a family belonging.
They know better. You know better. Stop making excuses for your child’s actions and pay up.” CircusMom247
5. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbour To Pay For My New Fence?
“A few weeks ago there was a big wind storm in our area that picked up our neighbor’s trampoline and threw it through our vinyl fence in the backyard.
We helped them get it back onto their property (small city yards) and then asked them to reach out to their insurance to see if they would cover it. Insurance said they wouldn’t cover it but they offered to help with the repairs since a fence post needed to be replaced. I told them I’d rather have a contractor do the work and was quoted at about $900.
They asked if there was anything they could do to lower the bill so we asked the contractor what the cost of just the post-installation would be. My neighbor offered to remove the post and assemble the fence after the new post was installed. No tools are involved so I felt comfortable letting him do that.
The contractor comes back with a cost of about $250. I passed that information on to my neighbor and he was fine with that.
He removes the old post, the new post gets installed, and we have all the pieces in our yard ready for him.
A week and a half passed with the new post installed while we have a wire fence across the gap. He never reaches out and I finally install the fence pieces while my dad is visiting.
My wife messages his wife with a picture of the bill and says the fence is done so they can drop a check in our mailbox. His wife says they’ll write a check for half and drop it off.
My wife responds saying we were never aware we were supposed to cover half the bill. The neighbor’s wife says that her husband and I had a conversation where I agreed that we (my wife and I) would work with them on the bill.
I did say that, but I assumed that was getting the bill lowered to $250 from $900 and he assumed that was us helping pay for the bill. My wife asks if we can meet in person to get it cleared up so we do.
We tell them we’re not trying to make enemies but ask how they think we should help pay for the bill. Their trampoline was not anchored down. He said it wasn’t malicious, just an accident.
He then brought up that they have trimmed our bushes occasionally, sprayed our sidewalk cracks in front of our house, and they picked up a branch from their driveway in December of 2020 (he knew when it happened) that they’re pretty sure came from our tree.
He said he offered to do the work himself and pay for the post but I told him that getting a contractor to set the post would cover him in the future if anything were to happen with it so I guess he thought I should be paying for that.
Then he said this wouldn’t have happened if the fence “hadn’t been there in the first place”. Apparently, the fence we put up three years ago to keep our dog in our yard has always been a point of contention.
He finally offered to pay 3/4 of the bill and instead of escalating we decided to pay our 1/4 and be done with it. We have decided that going forward we will be kicking them off our property if we ever see them doing nice things for us because it’s just to lord it over people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because something is an accident doesn’t mean there isn’t someone responsible for it. It was their trampoline that caused the damage, so they are the sole party responsible for paying for that fence.” Aggravating_Start411
Another User Comments:
NTJ & isn’t a trampoline an “attractive nuisance” that needs to be fenced in to keep children safe? FYI I worked through a hurricane & was driving home & saw a trampoline alongside the road folded just like a taco, got home & where’s my trampoline?
In my neighbor’s yard with a bent frame (which made it unusable). But I still laugh about that roadside trampoline taco.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your neighbor could have not offered to cover any of the cost, so I don’t think they’re a jerk for paying half (or 3/4). And I don’t think you’re a jerk for wanting them to cover the costs since their trampoline (that wasn’t secured) caused damage to your fence.
I hope you can repair the relationship—getting along with your neighbors is invaluable.” QueenSnootyWolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but YWBTJ if you start yelling at people to get off your lawn in retaliation to a miscommunication.
They for sure should have covered all costs though but if their finances are tight, I understand their reluctance but I also commend their willingness to try and come to a satisfactory solution for everyone.
This whole thing is about managing expectations and communication:
You expected him to pay for and assemble the fence in a time frame you didn’t discuss/communicate.
He expected you to help him out with the bill because he misinterpreted/you misrepresented your intent.
You guys failed at communication, which led to differing expectations for both parties. Whether either of you was negotiating in good faith is a different story.” SnooOranges9679
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Work Out With Someone I Don't Trust?
“My (m44) wife (f43) has a colleague from work “Joe”, and Joe split from his wife a year ago. Joe also runs a home-based business as a fitness instructor. The way I understand it, he has his basement and backyard full of equipment and people pay him in either groups or as individuals for training in his basement.
My wife took part as part of a group this summer, the sessions were at 7:30 am, and she told me one day that as she was arriving, a different colleague of hers (female, middle-aged, also a client of his) came walking out of his Kitchen having a coffee, clearly having spent the night.
The thing is, this woman just split with her husband 4 weeks earlier. Now I don’t have evidence, but it seems to me that due to only 4 weeks passing and she is already announcing to colleagues that they are together, they very likely had something before she split with her husband and it very likely was a contributing factor in her split from her family.
Fast forward 4 weeks and my wife tells me she wants to go with a friend 2 evenings per week to this guy’s place to work out with him in his basement.
At first, I said that I was not going to say no, but after thinking about it for a couple of days I told my wife I didn’t like it and I wasn’t comfortable with it.
Well, she goes ahead and signs up anyway (after I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it), but she doesn’t tell me until an hour before the first session.
Well, I was quite upset and we had a fight.
She ended up canceling the workout sessions but only did it because I basically told her to. She doesn’t think anything is wrong with it and thinks I’m wrong here.
It’s been 2 weeks and we have been cold and distant ever since.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is obvious, if the story was reversed, she would not like it.
And, while I may get hammered for saying this… If SHE were here making this post, many of the people here claiming that YOU are the jerk would be singing a different tune.
I would be saying the same thing as you. Going to some guy’s basement to exercise? Really? That seems like a good idea when you are married? Leave out the fact of the guy seeming to have an affair with someone married. It’s STILL a bad idea.
Your wife wouldn’t like it if you were doing this with a woman in exercise clothes in HER basement.” LeftAlbatross2546
Another User Comments:
“Esh. I see where you’re coming from BUT if your wife can be stolen away she was never really yours to begin with.
You in reality have no idea what happened to that woman’s marriage. Maybe she was mistreated and is just having a healthy life single. Maybe the split was amicable and they grew apart and she’s getting a healthy life back.
Yes, she may have been having an affair but you have no idea.
Also, blaming the single guy for a woman having an affair? Dude, there are so many scenarios but mostly they are responsible for their own actions and none of them reflect on your wife.” Kreeblim
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on this one. You are smearing this man with absolutely no proof. I got divorced from my ex-wife, met my current wife a few weeks after my divorce, and began seeing her.
My marriage was bad for years – the distance was there for years, and there was no grieving time needed. There was zero overlap with my ex-wife, but someone like you looking from the outside could infer that, and you would have been dead wrong.
He has a business. I assume it’s a paid class, with multiple people. Your wife is the innocent party here. I think you need to back off.” Jonsotheraccount79
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I actually think you are reaching with the bit about when they got together but it doesn’t really matter. You are asking your wife to respect the fact that you are uncomfortable about her hanging out with a single guy she barely knows in his home.
If I asked my husband not to hang out with a single woman that gives me the willies that he barely even knows in her home, I’d hope that he’d consider my feelings on the matter and not do it unless there was some compelling reason.
Not because I’m controlling or he’s whipped but because my feelings matter to him and it’s low stakes to him.
We aren’t talking about a lifelong friend that you’re trying to separate her from or someone who means a lot to her or even someone with some specialized training in the exact obscure sport she is interested in.
So to me, this would be a silly, but reasonable ask and I’d find someplace else to work out because he admitted to feeling weird about it and asked me to.” mareinmi
3. AITJ For Paying For My Stepdaughter's Wedding?
“I’ll refer to my kids by their ages to make it easier to follow along.
I (51M) have 2 kids (25F, 19F) with my ex and 2 stepkids (23F, 21M) from my current marriage.
25F started college quite a few years ago, and I had a college fund. She got into an Ivy school and received a small % in financial aid (didn’t qualify for more).
She’s now completing her master’s at the same school and doing a paid internship with a big organization. 25F still has some student loans left.
23F is getting married next year and I’m contributing a decent amount to the wedding.
I have a good income and also a decent amount of savings. Bottom line is that 25F found out I was paying for part of the wedding and she’s been pretty upset saying that I could’ve used some of that to help her out.
I asked her if she was struggling with managing everything, and she said no but that it isn’t fair to her or 19F that I’m spending so much on 23F’s wedding.
I said that I already contributed to her college fund, and my other daughter got a full ride to her school. This has nothing to do with any of that.
She got kind of angry with me and I know that she also had a bit of an argument with 23F about it. Even 19F got involved, saying that I shouldn’t be contributing to this wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You clearly favor your stepdaughter. If she cannot afford a huge “upscale” wedding then she should not have planned one.
You are giving your 19f nothing because she got a scholarship.
And you spent more on step daughter’s wedding than on your bio child’s education.
Your daughters are hurt because they are being treated unfairly. They are watching the new wife and her daughter swoop in and take over all your time, attention, and favor.
You are favoring your new wife at a guess…how long have you been married?” squirlysquirel
Another User Comments:
“No. jerks here. So here is the problem. Your stepkids already have two parents who can contribute to their needs
Your kids also only have two parents to help contribute to their needs
Now you’ve given the stepkids 3 parents contributing. Does your wife contribute to your children as well?
My guess is not.
Unless your wife is also taking your children in and dropping large funds to them, don’t do it for her kids. She has her kids, you have yours.
You’ve just shown your kids who matters.” Delicious_Archer_273
Another User Comments:
“If you plan on giving this same amount to your own children and your stepson for their weddings, then I would say NTJ and you’re being a great dad/stepfather.
If that’s the case then make sure you communicate that to your daughters. Let them know that from you they got their college fund, but will get the same amount for a wedding (or you can give it to them for a house fund or something if they choose not to marry).” First-Actuator-8273
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It hurts to read this coming from the same perspective as your daughter. My sister and I are 24 and 29 and our dad has always given our stepsiblings way more funds/support under the guise that we don’t “need” it, we’re handling ourselves better than they are.
The result of that is that our stepsiblings got their bio dad’s support and our dad’s support and we got nothing. We do not have nearly the same relationship with our father that our stepsiblings do and we hardly talk.
Your bio daughters will most likely stray from you and decrease contact. It doesn’t have to be that way.” BamboozledBean
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Travel With Me?
“I have dreamed of doing a cross-country road trip for years, but it’s just never been doable. But this year I got a new job where I negotiated loads of time off and saved all my days off this year to roll over to next year.
And it’s looking like this plan might just become a reality this coming Spring!
I wanted to do it over 3 months, and drive all around the US and some of Canada visiting both coasts, and camping along the way.
I really wanted to go alone for a couple of reasons.
I was dumped in 2020, and for the first time in my life have been feeling more confident in myself.
Like I used to let the guys I went out with influence where I went to school, what I studied, and where I moved after college. Looking back I feel like I haven’t let myself have much agency in where my life goes.
So I was really hoping this trip would be a chance for me to prove something to myself.
I also really wanted it to be a learning journey. I’ve been struggling with how a lot of things that happened to me in my childhood and my religion.
I’m struggling to reconcile my faith and I wanted to open my eyes and mind to the realities of life elsewhere and talk to as many people from different backgrounds as I can
But onto the conflict. 2 months ago, I started seeing a new guy, and a month ago we made it official. I told him about the trip from the start, and recently he told me he really wants to join.
And he said we could take his work truck, take out his tools and convert it into a camper with a trunk cover. Since the two of us plus lots of gear wouldn’t fit in my car.
I told him it was something I really wanted to do alone, I’d love to do a couple’s vacation but I was really trying to have a trip with a lot of time to learn about the world and about myself.
He got kinda upset with me saying I could see all the same stuff I’d see alone with him, but I guess I don’t really believe that. When I traveled with partners, we always ended up spending all our time as a couple.
I feel like traveling alone would push me out of my comfort zone to talk to strangers more often, and more deeply.
He said it sounded like I wanted to be single, and I said no, I do really care about him and want to be with him, I just want to do this one thing alone.
He got really upset with me and said that this kinda trip was his dream too; he had always wanted to travel.
I said I’d love to do another trip together, just not this one.
And he got frustrated because that would have to be in 2024 because I’m using all my 2023 vacation on mine. And it wouldn’t even be as long because for this one I’m using 2 years of saved-up vacation.
I don’t know what to do. I really want to do this one alone, but I don’t know if it would be fair to my partner.
AITJ if I do this road trip alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a new relationship and a trip like this is just too stressful for a budding relationship. You’ll get in each other’s hair, and find out each other’s personal habits/annoyances immediately.
What happens in the middle of this trip if you guys can’t get over these annoyances and break up? Though I get why he wants to come but IMO it’s just too early in the relationship.” Peskanov
Another User Comments:
“You’re doing it again. You’re letting this man dictate your life.
I know this feeling. I planned a trip for my bday I haven’t been able to take yet.
I just feel if he goes you won’t be able to follow your plan. He will influence where you go, the things you see, etc.
Go, have a blast!
If he’s a keeper he’ll still be there. There’s plenty of time for a couple’s trip later. Also, this relationship is only 2 months old. Taking a long trip after 2 months is just not a good idea.
NTJ.” nerdgirl71
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ! Feel free to go on this trip alone. THAT was your dream trip doing this by yourself.
He’s being selfish about your trip trying to tag along when you’ve expressed why you want to do it alone, which are great reasons.
Even if you had bad reasons that would still be okay.
Also, it’s like you are moving in together. You will be sharing a tiny space for 3 MONTHS! And 2 months is way too soon to move in together.
What if you break up? What if he expects you to pay for everything halfway through because he didn’t have enough saved up like you who has been planning this?
Finally, I think he’s being insecure and sulking saying you just want to be single.” Active_Ad_7691
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
3 months is a long time to be away from an SO.
Any thoughts about having him join you for a week or so? If you care about this guy, you will probably miss him.
I wouldn’t want to be on a 3 month long trip with a guy I just started seeing, so not at all thinking you can’t do this trip.
It just might be nice to compromise a little.” kjlo78
1. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Daughter Out Of The House?
“I (F45) live with my two daughters, Demi (F23) and Faith (F2).
Demi is my biological daughter, however, Faith joined our family around a year ago when I adopted her through a closed adoption.
Before she came into our household, I was informed by the adoption agency that Faith has some very severe food allergies. Faith is allergic to sesame seeds and peanuts. She is at risk of going into anaphylaxis if she eats these foods or any foods with traces of them, as her allergies are very sensitive.
I’ve been advised by the doctor that kids very rarely outgrow allergies to peanuts or sesame seeds.
With her being a toddler and always putting things in her mouth, it would be better safe than sorry and keep our home free of these foods.
Demi is of course aware of Faith’s allergies and knows how severe they are, plus Demi is a nursing student and knows about these kinds of things. We had many serious conversations about it before Faith joined our household.
However, on two different recent occasions, Demi has brought these allergens into the home and I’m considering asking her to move out because of it.
The first occasion was a few weeks ago, Demi ordered UberEats and Demi walked into the living room where Faith was playing, with a burger with a sesame seed bun in her hand.
I panicked and yelled at Demi to get out of the room. Demi said it was an accident and that she forgot the burger had sesame seeds on it and promised it wouldn’t happen again.
The second time was yesterday, Demi came home whilst eating a sesame seed bagel and getting crumbs all over the floor. I flipped out and told Demi she can’t bring that into the house.
Demi claimed she forgot about the sesame seeds again and said she was sorry. I told her that it was not fair to be risking Faith’s health and life and that she needs to think about her actions.
Demi started crying and said she was sorry again.
I have a feeling this is going to keep happening. WIBTJ if I kicked her out?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – Look, I get your concern for Faith – serious allergies are terrifying.
But are you seriously considering making your other child homeless over a lapse in judgment/memory?
We’re talking about a major behavioral shift for an adult who has never had to think about what she eats or brings into the house before.
If she’s not doing so maliciously, then it’s reasonable to think that she has just forgotten – not about the allergy, but that the item she’s eating contains it.
Your reaction is way over the top. Why not brainstorm solutions with Demi? Often, when a well-intentioned person has difficulty adhering to a rule/guideline, there are possible structural solutions to the issue that don’t include “either remember this or lose your home”.
For example; instead of “don’t bring X allergen into the house”, you could have a “don’t bring unapproved outside food – especially pre-made fast food – into the house”.
Take a deep breath, calm down, and tackle this like a responsible parent.” Blendinnotblandin
Another User Comments:
“These answers are really confusing to me because her oldest is a nursing student.
She’s going into the medical field. People’s lives will be in her hands and she can’t remember to not bring sesame seeds or peanuts into the house because her sister will go into anaphylactic shock.
NTJ.
But it’s time to talk to your daughter about getting her own place. Don’t kick her out but definitely get her moving into her own place where she can eat all the allergens she wants.” Own-Blackberry2647
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
The sesame seed bun is totally understandable, I wouldn’t even think of it. Sesame seed bagel, less understandable.
Your daughter has lived in a peanut and sesame world for 23 years, it takes time to adjust and both instances were things that many of us wouldn’t pay attention to.
She has apologized and said she would do better, and cried so I am assuming that means she really gets that she messed up.
If you kick her out, your relationship is seriously damaged. I appreciate how scared you are of this as a new parent, and you should take it seriously.
But your daughter is adapting to a new normal and you are going to have people in your life – friends, family, co-workers, whatever – who also mess this up.
You need to keep a level head, and you can start by giving your daughter some grace.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I definitely get where you’re coming from, those two incidents were two incidents too many.
I can also see where your oldest child is coming from too. This is something that is a huge shift in behavior on having to pay attention to what she is eating or bringing into the house.
In order for me to get used to something new, I have to constantly keep reminding myself about the change, and it does get exhausting. Maybe tell her that if she’s bringing in any food that she’s not sure about she needs to eat it outside on the porch.
If I’m not mistaken, some Asian foods get cooked in sesame seed oil and other foods can get cooked in peanut oil. And that’s not something that people without allergies ever think about.” bina101
