People Want Our Two Cents About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Being Happy About My Sister's Additional Pregnancy?
“My sister got knocked up by her partner right out of high school, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. She’s a stay-at-home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great University.
Since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she’s the next coming of Christ. They gush over every new tooth or haircut like it’s some huge achievement.
Problem is, her husband’s business wasn’t great even before 2020 and is barely limping along now.
My sister doesn’t work, and my parents have limited income. So guess who’s constantly being told to ‘lend’ them moolah for stuff like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. They don’t even ask! My mom just texts me ‘your sister needs $X.XX for the kids’ and I’m supposed to cough it up.
If I complain, they accuse me of being jealous because I don’t have a husband and family even though I’m older (I’m only 26!).
So over Easter, I notice my sister isn’t drinking and I think oh god, here we go again. Sure enough, she stands up and announces that she’s been inseminated with yet another precious miracle.
Everyone’s gushing and I just try to stay quiet and out of the way.
Later she asks me if everything’s alright and I try to play it off but she pushes so I asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby.
She very snippily replies ‘God will provide like he has so far,’ which really annoyed me. I yelled that no, actually God didn’t provide for her babies, I did, and I wasn’t going to give them any more handouts. It devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically, I’ve been banned from my family unless I apologize.
I haven’t apologized.
It’s been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it’s my fault for stressing her out. I asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me.
I don’t know. I don’t think I’m the jerk but I don’t want to be the reason she miscarries. Also, I think I might be the jerk because secretly I think it would be better if she did even though I wouldn’t say that to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, everyone being silent now is probably the best outcome, because there was a whole lot of stupid coming out of their mouths.
It isn’t uncommon for people to pop out children they cannot afford, and guilt families into giving them money.
Making family members feel obligated to provide for you is so much easier than getting a job when you’re financially struggling.
Your sister was the one who pushed you into actually talking about why you weren’t giddy about her news, and she got a truthful answer.
There is nothing wrong with that. You are the one expected to pay for these children she keeps having, and it’s completely reasonable to tell her that she’s being cut off from those funds after showing zero gratefulness or any recognition.
Your sister’s stress is completely on her, because she asked you to be honest, and pushed you until you started talking.
If you are unwilling to say what’s on your mind right off the bat, then she should have realized it wasn’t something she’d want to hear.
It’s easy for your mom to text you and let you know your sister needs X amount, without her truly thinking about that number.
Now that you are no longer paying for your sister, guess where she’s going to go? Of course, your mom won’t admit to how much she really asked of you once she’s hit with your sister’s expenses, but you can bet she’s going to feel it.
I would go through messages and bank statements to find out the exact number you’ve handed over in the span of a year, and when your mom eventually calls or texts to ask if you’re ready to apologize yet, you can hit her with that number, and let her know the only thing you’re sorry for is not standing up for yourself sooner.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
That’s called emotional manipulation, they’re trying to make you feel guilty so you keep giving your sister money. Don’t do it, don’t give in, because the moment you do something for yourself, they will ask you to do the same for them, and the moment you find someone to share your life with, they will sabotage you so that you continue supporting them.
Don’t let that happen. It is better that you stay away from them and let them deal with their own decisions.
This is very serious because the moment you allow them to cross your limits, they are not going to stop for anything.
Do not give in, maintain your position, and if they continue with those messages, block, and that’s it. If they are talking to you about abortion it is because they surely want you to cover the medical expenses of your sister and the baby.
Don’t do it, once you get in there you won’t be able to get out later.” Nana_Wait_What
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This kind of bs drives me nuts. That being said, you have to decide if you still want to be in contact with your family.
If you do, you’re probably going to have to******* up and apologize, even though you being annoyed about this is totally understandable.
However, no more bankrolling your sister’s family and kids.
Next time your mom assumes you will give money either don’t respond at all or just a quick, sorry, I can’t.
NO EXPLANATIONS. If they ask again, repeat, I can’t, sorry. They might ask you why, what are you spending on, IGNORE THESE QUESTIONS and stick to, sorry I can’t.
If your sister asks, say the same thing. ‘Sorry I can’t.’ or ‘sorry, I don’t have it.’ if she pushes it and you are feeling extra sparky you can reply again, ‘So sorry I can’t help, but I’m sure God will provide.’ Though on that one prepare for the additional backlash.
Also, don’t give moolah to your mom or dad either, as they will inevitably be funneling it to your sister.” RideTheWindForever
20. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Let Me Finish My Sentences?
“I 26F have been with my husband 26M for 6 years, married 5. We visit his mother frequently and I really enjoy my conversations with MIL. We can talk about the same thing for hours so that’s what we were doing yesterday.
The small kids we have also have a great time so double win.
We have two toddlers who are both needing to be in toddler beds but I was discussing with MIL about the possibility of floor beds. We were throwing different ideas back and forth when my husband interrupted and said ‘Just leave them with toddler beds’.
Now some background info. He has done this our whole relationship. And usually, I stop, mostly because he has thrown me off of what I was talking about. But this time I was super into it because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.
When my husband stopped me I got EXTREMELY irritated. I murmured to him ‘Could you let me finish?!?’ while giving him the famous wide-eyed irritated wife look. I didn’t say it anywhere loud enough for either of his parents to hear or cause any kind of emotion.
We glared at each other for a few seconds and I decided to turn back and start talking again. Husband up and decided it was time to leave and got the kids gathered up and went to the car. Was silent the whole way home as well.
He didn’t say a word while the kids got put to bed. While I was getting the oldest laid down, I heard the door slam shut. He had left to get a soda from the gas station and take a small drive. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Husband came back home. I stopped playing my game and asked him ‘You ready to talk about it?’ He shook his head no. ‘Are you not speaking to me all night?’ He shook his head yes. Whatever, we’ve been down this road before.
We go to bed not speaking. Woke up this morning, and we both got ready, still not speaking. Suddenly the front door slams and I hear his car take off. We have a rule that you say goodbye and tell the other I love you before you leave.
I was heartbroken and texted him a nasty message saying that this was a new low and I couldn’t believe he did this. We haven’t spoken since yesterday.
AITJ for being snarky and causing this huge fight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Literally, all you did to start with was quietly ask him to let you finish your sentence.
‘Can you let me finish’ isn’t snarky? Of course, you were irritated, he interrupted you. Being interrupted is irritating, especially if the person does it all the time. His reaction to you voicing your irritation at something he did was extremely overblown. Does he always do this when you stand up for yourself?
It’s like he’s expecting you to apologize for being annoyed and telling him to not interrupt. I do think the text after he left the next day wasn’t the best, the way it was worded likely added fuel to the fire. It could have been addressed once open communication was reestablished. But I don’t think it’s enough to warrant an ‘everyone sucks here’.
But hey, at least if he’s giving you the silent treatment, you can now finish a sentence uninterrupted.” gluevah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
His behavior is out of line, you didn’t cause this. You stood up for yourself because you were tired of being interrupted. He responded childishly by packing everyone up and then gave you the silent treatment (which, by the way, is absolutely emotional abuse).” juicyfizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is what abuse looks like. He really just invalidates your conversations with his mother? Like he’s tired of listening to you have a conversation with his mom and you and her being happy so he shuts you down mid-convo and makes the rest of the visit uncomfortable for you and his mother?
Then has the nerve to be annoyed because you asked him to let you finish. Like how childish is this behavior?
He said that to make you change the convo and when you didn’t he had a temper tantrum and took the kids into the car and spent the whole car ride showing your kids how mommy and daddy are fighting and gives you the silent treatment the whole way through.
This whole situation screams abuse. He quite literally was punishing you for trying to finish having a conversation with his mom.” More2LuvGinger
19. AITJ When My Partner Suddenly Asked Me To Pay For Our Rent?
“I (23M) and my partner (24M) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with a roommate. We share the master bedroom and we all split rent 3 ways as of now. For the past 4 months, I had been paying $500 per month as an agreement that I and my partner had for 2/3 of the rent.
The actual portion of the rent that I should have paid if I was able to be about $640. The reason that I was paying less than 1/3 is because my significant other and I had a conversation about income.
At the time, I was still in school and I worked part-time at Starbucks.
The $500 that I was paying was about 40-50% of my monthly income, but I wanted to live away from my parents so he assisted me with that and assured me it was okay and not to worry. For context, my partner works in software engineering and makes about $35/hr.
This is only relevant to show the difference in wages for our percentage of income spent on rent.
This past week, I landed a great remote position at $47k/year and I am excited to be able to pay my correct portion of the rent comfortably.
I immediately told him that I wanted to split it evenly now that I could afford to in order to take the burden off of him.
All was good until today. He woke up and his first thought was to tell me that I need to repay him for the $140 difference each month that I lived here during the time he helped me.
Now, this wouldn’t be something that I would have a problem with if it was discussed at all previously. I understand that money matters, and I would have definitely agreed to those terms if I knew that’s what he wanted before.
However, I am very reluctant to pay this because of his attitude around the situation.
I am genuinely insulted because he has held it over my head previously that he pays more rent so I can afford it, and now all of a sudden, that no longer matters. I feel like he is using this whole thing as leverage over me and something to hold over my head no matter how I address it.
He had a very condescending tone with me when I brought up my concerns about this never being mentioned until now.
Also, I have barely any funds in my account to pay bills until my first check from this company processes on the 30th.
He knows this, and I need a little bit more time to stabilize before repaying something that I never even agreed to. I am genuinely open to criticisms, and I understand this isn’t just black and white.
However, I told him that his tone toward me and his lack of concern when I am trying to discuss my concerns is very hurtful.
He just laughed it off and told me I owe it to him and that it only matters that I can afford it now so it’s expected that I should repay it without the previous mention of that being the deal. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be very concerned with the way he’s approaching this – having a relationship with someone who decides they can change the terms of an agreement as they see fit rarely goes well. The fact that he wants to impose this big debt on you, entirely to his advantage, is kinda scary.
What else is he going to decide you owe him in the future? Are all of your agreements going to be subject to change at his whims to benefit him?” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Him representing it as a gift all along and now expecting repayment as soon as you have the possibility of getting some moolah.
Holding it above you to try to ‘win.’ Dishonorable. Dishonest. It really speaks to poor character.
Honestly, I’d be getting my ducks in a row to move out. Whether or not the relationship continues – only you can say. Don’t let guilt or feelings of ‘owing’ him get in the way of you doing what’s best for you.” alizarincrimson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was helping you because you couldn’t afford it. Helping someone means not expecting anything back, if he does then he didn’t really care about helping you.” User
18. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Teach His Children About Finances?
“My dear husband and I have been together for 11+ yrs. While we were together, he often mismanaged his finances and I would step in & pay his utilities or pay for items for his children (23f, 27m, 29f).
At first, I was happy to be in a position to help but after some time, it seemed that he and his children came to expect it. I was asked for down payments for vehicles, deposits for rent and to cosign on loans (which I declined).
Before we married, I initiated several conversations about how we could help his children become more self-reliant as he was still paying for nearly everything for them. We gave the kids a heads up and after getting married we spend the first year trying to transition his kids to be better stewards of their finances.
Over that year, his kids started to resent me because I was the reason their dad was no longer paying their way. Things have been rough. The 27m lives with his significant other and 3 children in a basement room of the girl’s parents.
He has always struggled with working consistently. He’s notorious for going home to see his mom and not returning for wks (because he’s partying with friends). He was written up with his last employer for using more paid time off than he had available.
Fast forward to a year ago. My husband and I opened our own business. It’s a very demanding and busy industry. My husband has horrible credit and so I was the one to borrow, and take from my savings and retirement account to keep the business afloat.
His son came to work for us & immediately asked to be on salary. Knowing his past behavior, we told him he would be on hourly and that it was to his advantage because he could get over time. His hourly rate is on the very high side of the industry.
During the past 10 months, he has taken off over 28 days which he expected to be paid for. I do the books for the business and explained several times how paid time off works & that he was already given more time than any of the other employees.
I’ve asked my husband to talk to him to help him understand that when he takes time off if he’s out of paid time off is unpaid. His dad then sneaks funds from the business account to give him ‘bonuses’ that equal the same amount that his check would have been.
We are a very small company. We almost always have to borrow from my savings to make payroll. I’ve put at least 60K into the business that has not been paid back. I do the bookkeeping for the company and work 10-15 hours a week with no pay.
My husband works 70+ hours each week. There is lots of work to do but his son is being paid for hrs not worked.
Am I in the wrong for demanding that this changes? His son has given his dad an ultimatum. Either pay him a salary every 2 wks or he will go elsewhere.
He refuses to log in to the ‘clock in the system’ so that we can track hrs and have it automated which adds additional work on my part because I have to manually put his in. Am I wrong for standing my ground and saying either he needs to work on teaching his son how to be self-reliant and stop enabling him or I’m done?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I would seriously follow some of the other suggestions here about either son clocks in or doesn’t get paid. He doesn’t get paid for taking days off. And your husband needs to not be able to access the financials.
They are using you. And they’re going to keep doing so for as long as you enable it. You need to cut the purse strings now before they wipe your savings.” toxiclight
Another User Comments:
“Please, please, please let this ultimatum be one of the few things Sonny Dearest follows through with.
No, you’re NTJ. I understand hating employer bookkeeping systems, but this kid sounds like his only real virtue as an employee is a fact that he’s too lazy to falsify his own timesheets.
You need to get your husband out of the company financials since it looks like he’s been convinced that embezzling is A-OK as long as it’s for FAMILY.
You also need to remind him that right now you are struggling with finances too and you are FAMILY.” ChitinousLlama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband has raised entitled kids and I would refuse to fund this leech any further
Tell your husband that you are removing his access from the business accounts and if he doesn’t back you up with his son, you are selling the business and getting everything you put in back.
You have put a lot into this and you should have the only say in this situation. He is sneaking funds out of the business account to give to his son and doesn’t have one ounce of respect that this business wouldn’t even be if not for you.
Go big or go home.” McflyThrowaway01
17. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Do Some Chores?
“So I (22F) have been married to my husband (30M) for almost a year and we’ve been living together since we got married. When we moved in, we agreed who had what chores and when they needed to be done. I do admit that I slack on one of my chores which is unloading the dishwasher but he constantly does not do his share of the work.
I maintain most of the house on my own (by choice) and only ask him to do like 6 or 7 very easy tasks to help take some weight off my plate but again he either doesn’t do them or has to be constantly reminded of what needs to be done.
He normally gets an attitude when I remind him and I’m honestly just sick of it.
We’ve talked multiple times about this and he always says he’ll get better and he does for a few weeks but drops back into the same pattern.
So my solution was a chore list and he didn’t take it well. He said he’s a grown man who doesn’t need a chore list and some of my friends say that it was wrong of me. So now I wanna know if I truly messed up here and need to apologize or if I was in the right because nothing else seemed to work.
Please let me know if I am the jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is in the process of turning you into a maid by giving you an attitude. If you want to stay with a guy who can’t at least clean up after himself then be my guest.
You are a jerk to yourself for putting up with this.
NTJ for handing out a chore list. He acts like a spoilt and lazy teenager then why not treat him like one.
The friends giving you crap seem to value his ego over the fact that you deserve a partnership and not servitude.” NtlDerpFoundation
Another User Comments:
“‘He said he’s a grown man who doesn’t need a chore list’
Well, that’s weird, because he’s not acting like a grown man who doesn’t need a chore list. One could assume that a man like that would, you know, do his chores.
In fact, if you were out on a nature tour hoping to spot a grown-man-who-doesn’t-need-a-chore-list in the wild, one of the first signs to look for would be a man who is doing his chores!
NTJ, and you should not have to be doing the extra work of making that list in the first place.
There is no reason you should be doing the vast majority of the housework plus the labor of making sure he chips in a tiny bit like a teenager would. He’s 30, time to act like it.” Temporary_Badger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a grown man and needs to act like it.
You have spoken to him about this multiple times and that hasn’t worked, so you took the next logical step by giving him a to-do list. Maybe if he could manage things without having to be constantly reminded you wouldn’t feel the need to write one.” marvelousmalady
16. AITJ For Asking For My Payment Back?
“After work, I decided to stop at Taco Bell for some yummy goodness to ease my rumbling empty stomach.
Order. Pull up. Pay. Drive away and down the road, until I find somewhere I can pull in to eat. After finding a parking spot, I dive into my bag and am immediately disappointed that my taco is cold. Not lukewarm. Cold.
I’m annoyed but whatever.
I open the taco to fold it how I like and I look inside and see no meat. I check the length of the taco and find an inch of meat from one edge of the taco inwards, and then nothing but a hint of cheese, a smear of sour cream, and a ton of lettuce.
No wonder it’s legit COLD. There’s nothing in there to make it warm. I check the other taco and it’s the exact same.
I wasn’t having that nonsense so I wrapped them back up, threw them in the bag, and went back to the Taco Bell.
I go back through the drive-thru, explain that I was just there and how there was next to no meat in the tacos, and tell them that I don’t want new tacos. I just want my coins back for the meal.
They asked what my tacos were and I told them but repeated that I don’t want new tacos.
I just wanted my meal refunded and they can have everything back. They kept saying, they’d make me new tacos and told me to pull up. They tried to give me the tacos at the window and I said, ‘Look. I don’t care about the tacos.
I just want my coins back.’ She said she couldn’t take the meal back because of possible health risks but I didn’t want her to think I was making up the issue so I showed her the lack of meat and she apologized. She got what I assume is her manager and he doesn’t say two words to me.
He processes the return and I go to leave. Before I pull back out on the road, I look at the receipt he gave me and he only refunded me $5 and change on my $13 meal.
You better believe that I turned around and came back into their parking lot, grabbed the meal and drink, and went inside.
The girl saw me and tentatively approached me and I told her that I only was refunded the $5. She said I was refunded for the tacos.
She went to get the manager again. He tried to tell me that I was only getting a refund for the tacos and I raised my voice some saying, ‘I want a full refund.
Here’s the entire meal. I haven’t touched it. I shouldn’t have had to drive back here and waste gas in the first place and then you tried to give me tacos when I was clear that I wanted a refund, and then you only give me a partial one.’
He grumbled to the girl about what the order was and the price, but never once actually spoke to me or offered any type of apology. Before I left, I lowered my voice and apologized if I was rude and that I knew he had a hard job and I didn’t mean to make it more difficult.
Silence from him.
I didn’t yell at anyone but my voice definitely was raised when I went inside. Was I justified in my response or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ, you easily could have just gotten new tacos made instead of going through that whole fuss.
But the manager should have given you the full refund the first time if that’s what you wanted. Maybe just be nicer if something like that happens again” smallparadoxes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ordered tacos, and you got lettuce in a shell.
I don’t quite understand why you didn’t just take the replacements, but you paid for something and didn’t get it. You’re entitled to a refund in that situation.” Nova_Lurker
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Discuss My Illness With My In-Laws?
“In early 2021 I received a stage 1 endometrial cancer diagnosis while my husband and I were trying to conceive a child.
I went through progesterone treatment, which worked, and I was given the all-clear to again try to conceive a child, but our time limit is a year. I need to have a hysterectomy by the end of 2022 if I am not pregnant because the cancer might return.
I have been seeing highly regarded OBGYNs, reproductive oncologists, and reproductive endocrinologists and trust them completely.
My preference was to keep the diagnosis between my husband and me along with friends we are very close to in our area. We didn’t need help, I took a few half days for appointments, tests, and treatment, but otherwise, I worked and lived normally.
My parents and my husband are out of state and with what is happening nowadays, we did not want to create drama or extra attention. Most especially because my choice to pursue treatment rather than hysterectomy would absolutely not be supported and I felt it was a personal choice to attempt to preserve my fertility.
My mom would worry herself into a medical crisis of her own and I couldn’t rely on her at all nor could I cause her distress which she would rain down on my brother.
Another major factor is that my husband’s mother is a petty, gossipy, and horribly insensitive person who has a medical background and would not let someone experience a medical issue without being intrusive and centering herself as the expert on the condition and treatment (she’s not qualified to do that in my case.) Her desire to trade in salacious gossip among the family would ensure many people know my business.
My husband completely agreed his mom would not make this time easier and he would not need emotional support for my diagnosis from his family (or any other emotional issue he might deal with, they’re not empathetic people and he has a great support system among our friends.)
We’re rushing through fertility treatment to conceive as fast as possible. Now that the world has been settling down, visiting my inlaws has become a hot topic because they want to celebrate his upcoming graduation from grad school by having us and my husband’s brother’s family come to their retirement home.
We can’t plan that, we must stay close to home for the fertility treatment. Some cycles have lasted 50 days and some lasted 27, so we can’t commit to travel. After weeks of pressing, my husband asked if he could just explain why we were not visiting because his mom was not settling for no. I agreed, my confidence in my choice and my emotional resolve is strong to conceive our baby and move on from this ordeal.
My mother-in-law is annoyed and hurt we never disclosed this information. She wants to speak to me and I am on a hormonal rollercoaster from fertility treatment, so I have avoided it. Am I the jerk for being unwilling to explain my choice to keep my medical information private?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one and I mean NO ONE (other than your doctors), has rights to your medical information. Do not have that conversation with her. There is no point to it. She wants to speak to you? Have DH ask what she wants to talk about.
If she won’t tell him, he tells her that the call won’t happen. If she tells him she wants to ask you about your treatment, he tells her it is not her business.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NTJ. NTJ. I commend you for how you’ve been handling this whole thing!
You’ve really taken it all in stride and I can tell you are confident in your decision. She’s owed nothing, especially with her proven history of being a blabbermouth. If she asks why she hasn’t been cued in you could tell her flat out that if you wanted the whole state to know your business you’d have gone on the news.
She’s not owed anything, even your parents didn’t know so it’s not like she was the ‘odd man out’. You’re not under any obligation to have a conversation with her about it even now. Your husband can either field her nonsense or tell her you guys will be low/NC until something changes.” KindheartednessNo54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Her very reaction is why you didn’t want to discuss the situation. Don’t allow her to make your health about her. You might feel better sending her a message first. Respectfully let her know your boundaries.
Emphasize what you feel comfortable discussing before having a conversation. Also let her know that if she is unable to respect your privacy, it would be best to limit your contact. If you don’t want to know anything, she’ll have to respect your wishes.” Kdjl1
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Ask My Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My (27f) partner and I aren’t ‘officially’ engaged but have started talking about our future wedding, where we would want to have it, what we would want it to look like, etc. and this came up in conversation with my three younger sisters, 24, 20, and 18.
They were asking me all about what we were thinking in regards to what our wedding would look like and one of them asked if I would have our dad walk me down the aisle. The reason they asked is there has been quite a bit of rocky history and family drama with my dad.
he is a terrible, heavy drinker and recently went through a very messy divorce with my mom where he said and did terrible things. He treated me and my sisters terribly and continues to drink large amounts with no regard for his behavior and seemingly no regrets for how it has affected me and my sisters my entire life.
My sisters and I have tried hard to help him over the years but this past year I got fed up and cut him off, refusing to speak with him anymore. The rest of my sisters still do and don’t fully understand my decision.
So when they asked me if I would have him walk me down the aisle I said no. I told them even if my dad and I were on good terms, it was a tradition I felt was a little antiquated for my personal preference and I would prefer to walk solo down the aisle, and that I don’t want the man I’m not close to or even speaking to walking me down the aisle.
My sisters were all shocked and kept telling me how much this was going to break his heart and they couldn’t believe I would be so cruel but I was always of the belief that it was your wedding, you do what feels right to you.
I have no idea if my dad would contribute financially to my wedding but even if he did, I wouldn’t want that to be the reason why I felt obligated to have him walk me down the aisle either. So if I don’t have him walk me down the aisle, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My father wasn’t even invited to my wedding, because I knew he’d do nothing but cause drama and make my guests uncomfortable. I didn’t want him there and certainly didn’t want him ‘giving me away’ when he barely did anything to raise me, to begin with.
All he really did was show me what I didn’t want for my life.
My mom and step-dad walked me down the aisle because they were the ones who showed me love, support, and understanding.
It is your wedding, and you should do what feels right to you.
If he’s lost that privilege, that’s due to his own actions. Your reasons for cutting your father out of your life are your own, and you have a right to do that, just as your sisters have a right to keep trying with him.
What they don’t have a right to do is judge you.
You cut him out of your life because he was negatively impacting your mental health, and it became nearly impossible to have any love for him. You had hopes that if you kept trying, he’d somehow figure out how to be a real father to you, and finally show you just how much he cares.
But every issue with him that you had to deal with, reality set in little by little, and you realize that holding onto this hope was just causing you pain and disappointment.
When you cut him out, it felt like you could breathe again.
You were able to build your own life without his drama pouring in. You have a right to your own life, and your own life decisions.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s you and your fiance’s day. Especially dealing with substance abusers, you absolutely have to treat it cautiously, especially if they were awful in the past.
Your wedding day is not the time and place for reconciliation. If YOU choose to reconnect (and you don’t owe him closure for his own poor decisions and actions), then a neutral spot would be much better than the potential spectacle.” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I know that when I get married, I do not want my father to walk me down the aisle. We’ve had a complicated relationship while I was growing up which plays into part of it, but ultimately I really dislike the idea of the bride being ‘given away.’ It’s a holdover from when women were viewed as property and it just straight up does not sit comfortably with me.
You said that you’ve cut your father out of your life, and I imagine your siblings are aware of this. This decision shouldn’t be a surprise to them. Just because they would feel guilty if they didn’t let him participate in their wedding doesn’t mean you should too!” pawnshopradio
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Making Comments About My Partner's Body?
“I (21f) have been asking my mom (49f) for my whole life to stop making comments about my body (you look like you’ve lost/gained weight, it’s time to start working out/dieting, etc) because I’m self-conscious and it upsets me.
I am of average proportions, so it’s not like she’s saying these things for my health. She gets upset every time I ask her to stop and starts saying that I’m sensitive or immature or ridiculous.
This past weekend, my partner Derrick (23m) came over.
He is self-conscious as well. My mom started making comments to him like ‘you look like you’ve lost weight/been on a diet’ and, if he ate something, ‘that isn’t a part of the diet, is it?’ He didn’t say anything but was acting strange – he normally will take off his shirt if we’re alone and watching tv or something, but he didn’t do that.
I asked a couple of questions, and he admitted that my mom’s comments had made him feel more self-conscious than normal and he was feeling ‘icky about (his) body.’
I later said to mom ‘You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m not trying to attack you, but when you talked about Derrick’s body, he ended up criticizing himself.
Can we avoid that?’ She rolled her eyes and said ‘Yup’ so I thought that was the end of it.
The night after, she joked about how immature Derrick must be to get offended by a compliment. I explained compliments weren’t bad, just the fact that he had to think about his body, but she cut me off with ‘I can never say things to you because clearly everything I say is wrong.’ Later, she greeted me by saying ‘tell Derrick not to send pics of himself on Snapchat because obviously, I can’t compliment him.’ I asked why she couldn’t just say nothing or use a compliment like ‘that’s a nice suit’ without mentioning his body, but she kept yelling that I would attack her for it.
I started crying and said ‘it hurts that you have no empathy for me or Derrick.’ She responded ‘Why should I? You embarrass me with the way that you dress, so clearly you don’t care about my feelings either.’ I argued that my crop tops don’t directly affect her, but her comments about mine and Derrick’s bodies do directly affect us, so it’s not the same.
She said that I never listen to her/respect her, so I brought up all she’s asked me to do and how I’ve done it. She screamed at me that my life is so easy and hers is so stressful, with several F-bombs.
She’s typically adamantly against swearing and I’ve never spoken to her like that. Also, she works full-time and takes a few classes; I’m a full-time college student and work 2 jobs. I understand that she’s a parent which must be hard, but my siblings and I are self-sufficient and we handle the cooking and cleaning, so the part about my life being easy felt unfair.
AITJ for asking her to stop?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anytime somebody responds to the assertion of a boundary by calling you sensitive or immature is ridiculous, and they are the jerk. Not only is your mom the jerk for the above reason, but I also have to say that the way you’ve handled it is very mature and laudable.
Unfortunately, parents very seldom have the capacity to accept constructive criticism from their children. I’m 41 and it doesn’t matter how saccharine-sweet I get trying to advocate for my boundaries, it always triggers an explosion. The good news is you’re 21, so pretty soon you’ll be out of college and on your way to independence.
It’s not that the problem will go away, but you will be freer to distance yourself from it when it’s unbearable.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personal comments aren’t compliments. It’s rude to notice what someone is eating. For example, Miss Manners says people should not ask someone if they’d like more mashed potatoes; rather, they should just ask if a person would like mashed potatoes.
Like you said, there’s a difference between telling someone that shade of green looks great on them, or they look nice, or you’ve always admired their pretty red hair, and asking about their weight. I was just reading an article that stated complimenting people who have lost weight implies they didn’t look good before.
I think your mother is using other issues to obscure this valid complaint. Maybe you could sit down with her when you both are calm and tell her that these are unrelated problems, but you are willing to listen to her complaint about not getting respect.
However, she needs to listen to you, too.” General_Relative2838
12. AITJ For Expressing My Frustration Through Loud Music?
“I (28F) live with my (31M) partner in a small apartment building.
It is an older building, thus we tend to be able to hear our upstairs neighbor’s footsteps, conversations, etc. no big deal usually. The issue we have is with our neighbor, Brad, whose bedroom is directly above ours. I’ve met Brad once or twice in passing and he seems like an okay guy face-to-face but is ridiculous to live under.
He spends about 6:15 AM-11:00 PM yelling. He yells at the TV, people on the phone, his computer, anything it seems, and angrily. I understand some of it is video games but hearing him yell expletives constantly gets a little old. On top of that, for weeks on end, he would get up and blast music/podcasts.
We finally got frustrated and my partner went and talked to him which seemed to get him to quiet down, at least a little, before 8 AM. I have his roommate’s number and have let him know that Brad is being too loud on several occasions, outside of reasonable hours.
Every time we try to knock on the door to talk to Brad, he can never seem to hear us, which is the only reason I’ve resorted to texting his roommate. I have a pair of sleep headphones I put on to combat all of this, but sometimes it is simply not enough.
Things finally came to a head when Brad had about people over for a party last night (Saturday). Luckily they were done by around midnight after partying all day. However, at 7 AM this morning, they were all up yelling and laughing and talking.
This was a clear lack of self-awareness and outside the bounds of normal convo that should be heard between floors.
I finally lost my mind and decided to make my displeasure known, because talking and hoping for common sense hasn’t worked. I turned up our speakers in our living room and blasted approximately 60 seconds of death metal at full volume.
They quieted down for a minute or two and then picked back up.
Later, his roommate (who wasn’t there last night or this morning) came to let us know if we had any issues to just text him.
AITJ for expressing my frustration with death metal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, you’re reaction was not bad at all. Most people would go up to Brad’s room and have an argument with him. You should go have a conversation with brad and tell him to at least try to keep it down during certain parts of the day.” Beginning-Divide-678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d of done soo so much worse he’d have to move. People like that deserve the world to come crashing down on them.” buddt43
11. AITJ For Being Bothered That My Sister Doesn't Help With Chores?
“My (22) sister (16) doesn’t do any chores at home, she doesn’t even make her own bed or clean her room.
I’m unemployed because I dropped out of college, and I’m actively looking for a job.
I only found temporary ones, so I’m the one who does most of the chores at home. And I’m good with it.
The thing is, there are days that the workload is a lot, or I have to go out, or I’m sick, and my parents work most days, so the pile of chores only grows until I do them.
Today, for example, I had to go to help my aunt with my grandma, who has Alzheimer’s and dementia. I was there the whole evening and came home late, tired, exhausted, and in a bad mood, and I still had to clean the dishes (there were a lot and we don’t have a dishwasher) and the kitchen.
So I told my sister that she could have cleaned them. She said that she had homework, but earlier she said to our father that she didn’t have much to do, besides, she doesn’t help even during holidays, when she doesn’t have homework at all, and I also at least cleaned the dishes when I studied, I started doing it even younger than she is now.
I also feel terrible because we usually see a few episodes of a series together after dinner, but today we didn’t because it took me a while to clean everything and finish my dinner (she ate while I was cleaning)
So, AITJ for telling my sister that she could have cleaned the dishes?
Should I just accept that that’s my responsibility for dropping out of college and not having a job?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The amount of chores your sister is or isn’t doing is not your responsibility to the police. You are not her parent and you do not own the house.
It would be completely fair to have a conversation with your parents about your concerns, but ultimately they get to decide what the expectations are when it comes to the chores.” salmonberrycreek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if other people have outside jobs, part of your day in not having a job is job hunting, if your whole day is taken up by other things that get in the way.
So calculate part of your 8-12 working hours per day are you hunting for a job, the rest of the time is chore time since that’s your other contribution to the house.
If other people are adding on chores that would take you over that time, that doesn’t work.
You should ask your parents for a sit-down conversation about a chore chart, or assign some basic responsibility to members of the house. Like picking up their clothes, doing their own laundry, or if they are home all day lounging, they can do their own dishes.
She isn’t your kid, your parents should parent her, but if they don’t listen to you, you should make plans to move out because the Cinderella life is no good.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“You’re 22, dropped out of college, are currently unemployed, and living at home.
Others may disagree with me, but in my honest opinion, you’re getting a fantastic deal if chores are all you’re doing. Do you even pay rent? Maybe you just need to take a second or two to appreciate your situation. Dude, there is a roof over your head, you’re an adult, and you’re contributing next to nothing other than some sweat equity.
A lot of people would seriously envy having a safety net like that.
I also personally think, even though she is a student and you’re not, your sister could help. By that, I mean to do a few chores. Not 50%. She sounds a lot busier than you currently are.
But holidays and stuff, yeah, I agree she should pitch in. You’re not the jerk for telling her she could have done some dishes.
However… whether she does or not is entirely up to your parents to decide. Their house. If you don’t like it, unfortunately, you will have to get a job and move out.
No jerks here” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but have a conversation. Ask her to do the dishes, rather than getting angry when she didn’t do them on her own. If someone isn’t in the habit of doing chores, they aren’t going to just spontaneously remember and go do them.
If she refuses when asked or doesn’t ever remember, go to your parents with your issues and ask that they help figure out a better system.” delugedirge
10. AITJ For Being Upset About The Way My Partner Proposed To Me?
“I’m a 24-year-old female and my fiancé is 23. We’ve been together for a little over a year and his mom is extremely bitter toward me because she claims I’m stealing her only child from her.
She has even gotten to the point of having people call him and tell him he’s a horrible person for breaking his mom’s heart because he moved out and is living with me. She makes comments about me trying to put me down and also talks to me as if I’m her maid.
Well, this year I tried to get on her good side and threw her a surprise birthday party. Of course, she was not appreciative at all. She complained about the food (which I cooked on my own) and I paid to get her nails done.
I even paid to get flowers so we could go to her mother’s grave. The only thing she liked was the decorations cause my sister put them together (yes I paid for that as well). She’s always said her son should have ended up with her.
When we walked in I saw my parents (who I do not speak to) and all of my then significant other’s friends and family.
We said surprise and as I’m speaking to my sister, she tells me to turn around and my significant other is on 1 knee.
I said yes but later told him I did not appreciate him doing that because I didn’t have anyone close to me there, all the decorations said happy birthday, and we got a dollar store card with everyone singing happy birthday in it even though the card said congratulations.
My sister says I’m the jerk, I just wanted something special. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your entire partner’s family sure is the jerk.
For starters, you never propose at an event that isn’t for you/the person you’re proposing to unless it’s agreed upon by all parties including your future fiancé that it would be okay.
Quite frankly, many people don’t even enjoy public proposals of any sort. That’s 100% a conversation your significant other should have had with you months ago.
Second, your Future MIL has some weird emotional i****t ties to her son. Do NOT marry into this family!
Having a MIL that you don’t get along with when the guy does still get along with her is a setup for failure. He will always take her side when you two disagree, and she will always take his. Any mother who thinks their child is being ‘stolen’ from them by a partner that willingly still sees the family is one to avoid.” onionpal
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are with a momma’s boy. It is beautiful that he wanted to celebrate his mother’s birthday and propose to his partner at the same party. You should be appreciative that he sees the 2 of you as equal in his love.
And you should not care that the whole proposal was about him and his mother (and had none of your friends or close family) because that is what marriage is about; sacrificing your own identity to turn into some weird version of his mother so he can finally marry his mother like they both always wanted.” snowdude11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I deal with a crazy MIL very similar to your possible future one. The advice I was given really helped me. She isn’t disrespecting you personally, she would have treated any woman in your position the same way. The problem is that she has a very unhealthy relationship with her son and she’s disrespecting him and his choices.
When you realize that and realize it has nothing to do with you, it helps a lot.
For your own sake, let him know you will not continue a relationship with her, and trust me, it’s not worth the effort. He can have his own, and you will respect that and he doesn’t need to defend your name because it won’t change anything and that is his choice.
As for the proposal, maybe just be honest that since there are so many bad feelings there you would love to have a do-over that you can plan together. And let the rest of the bs go and make sure he knows where you stand on people (your parents, his friends, family) so he knows you personally don’t want a relationship with them and don’t want them included in anything with you unless you okay it, and of course, he can have his own relationship with whoever.” Mp93123
9. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Stop Seeing The Guy?
“I (28F) have a cousin (26F) who is going out with a random guy she met on social media in 2020. They live 6000 miles apart and in very different time zones. He was all about flying her in, but couldn’t due to the restrictions.
Later he asked her to be with him and they video called pretty much weekly. She refrained from any type of seeing other men here and is extremely loyal to the guy. They’ve been ‘seeing each other’ since September 2021. Now all the restrictions are gone and he seems to be disappearing along with them.
As of January, he seems to be refraining from contacting her and she’s the one trying to keep things going. Videocalls are no longer a thing, if she doesn’t double text after a few days, he was ‘ignoring’ his phone or didn’t get a notification.
And even if she does get a reply, it seems pretty platonic.
Now about 6 weeks ago (mid-March) she told me she bought a ticket to visit him anyway… She also told him and according to her he was very excited about that. 2 weeks later he told her he wasn’t sure he could make it cause life hasn’t been treating him kindly.
Apparently, he wasn’t aware a good 8k of bills were waiting for him within just 1 week. So he has to put in all his time and effort for making back the money plus extra. She texted him to offer some help, to the best of her abilities, but that being wiped away with him saying not having any interest in any distractions whatsoever.
Haven’t heard from him in over a month, letting him ‘do whatever he needs to do’ hoping he’ll be there eventually to pick her up. Told her it was a waste of money and energy but she keeps defending him cause he’s a good and honest hard working guy.
She thinks I’m petty and jealous and ‘don’t know what he’s about’.
Am I now being the jerk for trying to keep her from going cause I just think he stinks as a human being and ‘partner’, or am I just misjudging the guy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to show concern but aside from expressing that concern in a non-judgmental way, that should be the extent of it. Sometimes, we all have to make mistakes to learn and grow. Help her ensure she is as safe as she can be when she goes (or attempts to go) visit, but be aware that your objections will likely only make her more determined to go, if for no other reason than to prove you wrong.
Plus, when she goes and if things go poorly, she won’t open up to you because ‘you never really liked him anyway, and you thought it was a bad idea.’
Consider your relationship with your cousin and consider if it is worth continually harping over it.
She’s heard you, now, let her adult.” CylintStep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds as if you are trying to get her to do a reality check. How long were they ‘together’? When did he start withdrawing? It sounds like she is the one trying to keep the relationship going.
Does she acknowledge that? Some people think the best way to break up with someone is to ‘let them down easy’, unfortunately, it just gives the other person false hope. Has she considered this is what is happening? She needs to find out before she goes through the time and expense of flying 6000 miles with no concrete plans of him actually meeting her.
Maybe sit down with her and explain what worries you about this whole situation. Let her know you don’t want to see her hurt. Do this with kindness and compassion, and speak from the heart. Acknowledge this is hard to talk about because of what it means – her breaking up with this guy.
Let her know you support her no matter her decision, but you are really worried about her.” notropisb1884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there are a whole ton of scams that work like this to get moolah out of people like your cousin.
I can see why she would feel upset by you telling her this, especially since there’s probably an emotional rollercoaster she’s dealing with because of all the nonsense the guy is throwing at her.
I’d try to get her to come to this realization on her own by asking her what she likes about him, what he likes about her, what interests they share, etc. Listen to her, but if she’s unable to answer these or ‘he makes me happy but…’ then hopefully she comes to that same conclusion.
All I can say is NTJ but keep in touch with her in case she meets up with the dude anyway and things go south. You don’t want her to think she can’t come to you for help despite your warnings.” rnagikarp
8. AITJ For Bringing Home A Bag Of Popcorn From The Office?
“Popcorn was put in the communal break room along with leftover cookies for people to take.
It sat for 2-3 days untouched so I took it. I heard on Thursday/Friday people were upset about it so I ordered a whole new bag over triple the size (43oz) of the original. I brought it to work on Monday. It wasn’t a problem until Tuesday.
Then everyone started forming conspiracies on if it was the same bag if someone took an empty bag and refilled it with normal popcorn, if it was stale or not, and who brought it in, and popcorn kernels were being compared. I thought everyone was joking and laughing about it.
This started turning into a mob mindset and the tone started to change. I heard people making ‘jokes’ about ‘firing’ whoever took the popcorn, checking security cam footage, calling the police, etc. I walk over to manager row for something and M1 is talking loudly about how someone takes her entire thing of peppermint patties every year and how she guesses they need it more than her.
M2 is talking about sending out a blast email to try and find the person responsible. M3 is saying how whoever took it should be humiliated. I tell them it was me. M3 is shocked and annoyed. She has adrenaline eyes and with as much attitude as she can muster, she was like ‘you were right there!
Why didn’t just tell us!?!? You could have said something!!!’
I was embarrassed and at the same time M1 was saying it was embarrassing. M2 is patting me on the shoulder/rubbing my back like I just confessed to murder. M3 and M1 turn back to their work.
M2 walks away. Fast forward to 8:30 pm at night (4.5 hours later) M2 calls me and basically says that there needs to be a conversation/mediation between myself and M3 because there are unresolved feelings. She got my personal number from my manager who I confided in about the situation.
I feel backed into a corner due to everyone being managers. I feel betrayed by my manager for telling M2 that I was upset about everything. I feel like I’m being attacked over literally communal popcorn set out for the taking.
I just want to know, am I the jerk here for taking the popcorn?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a long shot.
10-16oz is a small, individual serving size bag. They were left out for employees, and they sat untaken for several days.
You did nothing wrong, be confident of that.
If there’s an HR, you should make a report.
If there isn’t and you feel that any of the managers are on your side you should discuss this with them immediately to let them know your concerns and that someone else is trying to set up ‘mediation over unresolved feelings'(?).
If you don’t feel that you have anyone on your side in this, approach the mediation as if you are the wronged party (because you are) and you expect that they’re doing it to help you and state everything as if it’s a given fact and if the alternative is ridiculous, because it will force them to say out loud that they’re punishing you because you ate popcorn that was given to you.
‘Thank you for meeting with me regarding the harassment I’ve faced regarding the free employee popcorn.’
‘I didn’t come forward sooner, because I assumed everyone was joking since the popcorn was put out for us and we were allowed to take it’.” Korrin
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. So, the politics of office food are always about more than just the food.
With rare exceptions, people don’t drop off the food in the break room just to get rid of it. They’re using it for a social function of sharing, and being SEEN sharing.
The desirable outcome is that people go take some and then make it clear they enjoyed it, ‘wow, those brownies are great! Thanks for bringing them in, Pat!’
So, from your perspective, since the popcorn was just sitting there unopened, it was fair game to take home after a couple of days–but doing so didn’t achieve why someone brought it in in the first place.
They were already upset that no one broke the ice and opened it (rejected it?) and then it disappeared without anyone saying nice things about it.
This all feels ridiculous, but there’s a lot going on underneath official social stuff.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as you replaced it because taking it home without permission, may have been a little bit much. In my office, we have a designated countertop to place food (we do lots of catering for meetings and vendors will send in treats as thank yous) that is open to everybody to do what they want on a first come basis-snack on, take-home, wrap up for lunch the next day, etc. Maybe think about implementing something similar in your office.” adventuresofViolet
7. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Missing Funds?
“I (21F) received some cash for my birthday a few months ago. Last I checked there was £240. However, I was counting it last night and realized that £40 of it has gone missing.
Last week, my sister (24F) came over to our house because of some drama or whatever and it was just me and her.
Normally, we just small talk because I’m pretty low contact with her but this time she acted as though we were besties. Well, I had to go to work before my mum and stepdad got home with my siblings from swimming and I let my mum know that I had to leave and my mum said she would only be 10 minutes so I wasn’t too worried. But it apparently seems I should’ve been.
Now, this is where my dilemma is, due to the drama she is always putting us through, the constant begging for coins from everyone daily, the selfishness and inconsideration of our feelings/health, our whole household has cut her off until she sorts her life out.
Because of this, I believe she’s not in a state where confronting her about this will do any good, I probably won’t get an answer out of her and it will become a pity party ‘because we all hate her.’ I have my reasons to hate her but that doesn’t mean I want her to hurt herself so I don’t want to be the jerk and make her feel worse.
I also feel like I shouldn’t feel responsible for her emotional well-being, she should face the consequences of her actions.
WIBTJ to confront her about the money at this time? Or should I wait until she’s at a better place mentally?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she stole funds from you, she can deal with the consequences. If she committed an arrestable offense, the police would not wait until she was ‘in a better place mentally.’ They would lock her up, regardless of her mental state (although if they thought she was likely to harm herself, she would be in a padded cell).
After this, you should find a safer place, perhaps even a lockbox, to hide your coins when she comes over. And, to be blunt, you really should have anticipated this, based on her history.
Finally, are you certain it was her? Because it sounds like you have a houseful of people who could have found your stash.” User
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but there most likely will be no benefit. Also, although the odds are very high that she is the one who took your money, you don’t know that for sure, there are others in your household. It’s easy and probably offensive for me to say ‘be glad she only stole part of your money’ but that’s how I see it.
Best wishes on figuring out ways to protect yourself in the future.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“In my experience, don’t confront her. You will not get the funds back and I highly doubt she will tell you the truth. Move your stash and hide it in multiple places (so she can’t steal it all if she finds it)/ in a bank account with no one else’s name on it.
I found that a cheap book safe off Amazon kept my siblings out of my funds because they didn’t care about opening a dictionary lol.
As for her mental health, if you are that worried, talk to your parents about how you all can support her and maybe have them reach out to professionals so she can get the help she needs.
Oh… NTJ.” NeverLetItRest
6. WIBTJ If I Ask My Mom To Follow A Payment Plan In Paying Her Loan?
“My (23F) mom (46F) has borrowed consecutively from me over the past five years; at this point, it’s about 10K. Over the past two months, I loaned her 6850, she owed about 4K from a previous loan.
I had funds saved up, to handle my loans such as car payments and college, and I do get by decently.
I have never been too strict about the loans just as long as she made an effort to pay me, but it’s been five years since the first loan and she is continuously borrowing from me and I am starting to get frustrated as she hasn’t been paying off debt, but stacking up new debt.
I know I have the right to say no, but when it’s for bills that need to be paid it’s difficult to deny that request, it would be different if it was material items or luxuries.
Here is where I feel like IATJ: I have thought about creating a payment plan that she has to follow so I am guaranteed to get what I feel like I am rightfully owed each month.
I will make sure it can fit with her budget so she isn’t struggling and can get by and do levels of negotiating with her beforehand, while at the same time making it clear that I am serious about getting paid back. I will also create a document stating the amount that is owed and what is expected to be given each month so that way if she slips or tries to get more money from me, I have a paper trail and if necessary take legal action; which is the last thing I want to do, but I won’t be afraid to do it if it gets to that point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but considering she isn’t able to pay her bills and she keeps borrowing moolah from you, I doubt she will be able to keep up with a payment plan. Even if your payment plan is $100/month, it’s going to take her years to pay you back.
You need to stop loaning her. She is going to have to sink or swim at this rate.” NotShockedFruitWeird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
A payment plan is a good idea, and in fact, should have been done from the very first loan. Don’t give her anything else.
If/when she asks for more, tell her that you won’t help her get further into debt and that you can’t afford it.” chicagok8
Another User Comments:
“Life lesson. Don’t loan something that you aren’t willing to ever get back. The second life lesson doesn’t loan to family members.
Third life lesson, if you do loan to family members, expect and be prepared to never get the moolah back and be willing to let it go to save your relationship.
Lending to family members, especially close ones is just a terrible minefield.
It’s something that I’ve learned in my life from watching my own family and the people around me. It can and does destroy relationships.
As for a payment plan for your mother, that’s something you really need to discuss with her rather than just impose it on her.
If you don’t feel like she can pay you back, you really should stop lending her.
There is a way to present it in a loving way so that it isn’t mean-spirited. If she asks for more, you say that you’re unable to afford to help her out and you know that she already is having trouble paying you back with the something that you already lent her and you don’t want to put any additional burden on her or let money strain your relationship.
As I said, I would strongly encourage you to be prepared to write off the money to preserve your relationship with your mother. Try to be at peace with it if it happens. And then don’t put yourself in the position of writing off any more amount in the future by simply not lending to her anymore.
Edit: if you decide to go to down a legal route, be aware that is burning a lot of bridges.
How much do you value your relationship with your mother? Is it worth taking her to court over this? Is it worth the damage that will result?
Is it something you can let go of eventually with the understanding that you’ll never put yourself in this position again? Or has the financial situation already put too much of a strain on your relationship that you can’t let go of?
I think those are things you really need to think about.” Lendyman
5. AITJ For Not Asking My Stepmom To Come To My Graduation Dinner?
“I (25f) am graduating with my bachelor’s next month. We are all going out to dinner the next day. I didn’t make the reservation, but I found out that the person who did not include my father since my mother would be there.
I requested they added just one seat for my father.
My father was unfaithful to my mom and she walked in on him with his new wife about 6 years ago while he and my mother were still married. I am the only one who seems to have forgiven my father and includes him in things.
When Christmas or Thanksgiving is held, they invite my mother but not my father. I have expressed that they should invite him, but it’s not my house so I don’t have a say. It is usually hosted at my older brother’s house.
I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment so I couldn’t host my family anyways.
It is normal to invite my mother to places but not my dad because no one wants to deal with his wife. Along with her helping break apart my parents’ marriage, she is overall not a great person.
She is abusive to my father and has gone so far as to completely wreck their house causing thousands of dollars in damage.
We can’t change our father and we obviously don’t condone this relationship. But he won’t go anywhere without her which is why neither of them is ever invited.
I always do split holidays or celebrations. So usually I go to my fathers first and celebrate with them and then go with my siblings and mother. I am the only one who does so. I don’t like my stepmother but they would never be able to tell this because she is my father’s wife.
I show her respect.
Well, they are going through a huge fight right now and it’s getting awkward for all of us. She’s even moved out temporarily. The last time I went out to dinner with them while they were fighting it was super awkward.
She made everything about her.
I requested that only he come to my graduation dinner and not bring her along. He is throwing a fit and saying I should accept her and him. AITJ?
Edit: My mother is the main one who suggested we invite him to the family gatherings.
My brother, who is the only one with a house big enough to host everyone, won’t invite him because of our stepmother coming too. I would have never brought it up if my mother wasn’t okay with it.
Edit 2: He has agreed to come to the dinner alone and apologized. He said he’s going through a lot but wouldn’t never want to make me uncomfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should be grateful that you are interacting and have him as part of your life.
Explain to him that you are not hosting this event and he was not on the guest list and you are doing this as a courtesy and you can’t control the guest list. If he still doesn’t understand then you have to accept that he will not attend.
Sometimes, people who were unfaithful tend to work harder in their second relationships to prove to the world that they are happy and did make the right choice by leaving. What they do not know is that relationships formed from affairs only have a 25% chance of survival as it was created in a fantasy world.
Your dad is trying to make her part of the events but deep down his relationship is failing because of who they both are – selfish, toxic narcissists who only considered their own needs.
Do not worry if your dad doesn’t attend.
Have fun with the rest of the family. Your dad needs to accept that his wife is not welcome due to how their relationship started – which is on the verge of collapse.
Have you considered what might happen for other milestone events, such as your engagement, wedding, etc?
Anyway, tell your father that he is the jerk here and will continue to be as he is forcing someone that destroyed lives and homes to everyone.” SuspiciousWeekend284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to include him without making it awkward for everyone else.
You say she is abusive and that should be enough to not want to invite her places. Your father should be understanding enough to know that (as your family members refuse to talk to him) they may not all be ready to involve her when they haven’t even involved themselves with him in years.
I would tell him that this could be his olive branch to reconcile with the rest of the family but it’s ultimately his decision on whether or not to go. Don’t feel bad about whatever he decides but I definitely would not cave and invite her.” NeverLetItRest
Another User Comments:
“Your father and his now wife broke the marriage. Both of them, not just her. You are all free to dislike her for any reason.
If he will not go to gatherings without her when she is not invited, that is his right.
There is nothing you can do about it. Do not get involved in their relationship. It’s not your place. It doesn’t matter if your mother says to invite him. She can make all the suggestions she wants but nobody has to follow them, and decisions should be made for the comfort of all.
NTJ, but try to stop micromanaging other people’s relationships. Have separate celebrations as needed.” tatersprout
4. AITJ For Not Inviting Everyone To My Birthday Celebration?
“I (20F) am turning 21 next week. My birthday falls during the work/school week.
So I’m planning on having a small party that weekend, nothing too crazy, just my nearest and dearest (including me, there would be 10 people) getting wasted and playing board games at my apartment. One of my best friends, ‘Carter’ (21M), and my partner ‘Jack’ (22M), are in a play at school that night.
So we decided to have it after, no big deal.
The problem comes when Carter accidentally lets it slip to the rest of the cast that my party is after the show. I have little to no relationship with the rest of the cast. Most of the cast didn’t care or didn’t know who I was.
Two people I’m acquaintances with were a little sad but understanding; however, the person most upset is Jack’s ex ‘Anna’ (21F). Anna doesn’t like me at all because I’m going out with Jack. She still has feelings for him and has taken it out on me for over a year.
Needless to say, we don’t get along. I have a class with her.
After class, she pulled me aside to tell me how rude I was for inviting half the cast but not her (2 out of 6 were invited). I tried to explain that it was a small group of people I’m close with, that I was sorry that she felt left out, but we’re not friends, and she wasn’t invited. She got agitated and stormed off.
She proceeded to tell everyone that I didn’t invite her to the CAST PARTY. Which is the week before, and I have no control over it. Carter has tried to calmly explain to her that it’s my party and I can invite whoever I want.
But some of my friends and even a professor have told me to just invite everyone in the cast to keep the peace. I have a small apartment and just want my friends there. Am I being a jerk?
Clarifications:
Carter asked Jack if it was still on while walking to their cars and Anna overhead.
My professor got involved because he is directing the show and Anna was upset about it at rehearsal.
Anna knows my birthday party isn’t the cast party. She is hosting the cast party. I don’t know why she is telling people that, I assume it is just to stir the pot.”
Another User Comments:
“It is, indeed, terribly unfair to the drama class that you didn’t invite – checks notes – your partner’s ex who doesn’t like you to – checks notes – your own birthday party.
No, you’re NTJ. I wouldn’t invite anyone who was that pushy to my party even if the ex aspect wasn’t involved. As it is, it’s a recipe for poorly written comedy that ends with her puking what she thought was your most expensive booze into Jack’s lap.
I’m not sure why a professor thinks ‘invite the whole cast to keep the peace’ is a reasonable decision. Surely they should be encouraging students to grow up and stop acting like missing a party invite is a deep personal slight?” ChitinousLlama
Another Use Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ.
It’s your party and your apartment.
Carter is the jerk here. I guess no one told him that it’s rude to talk about someone else’s party in front of people who aren’t invited. If he hadn’t done that you wouldn’t be in this boat.
I find it shocking how many people seem to think they are owed an invitation to a birthday party for someone they don’t really know and that this would even be on a professor’s radar. Bizarre.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Theater groups get very close-knit.
If you were in the cast, there might be some hurt feelings if you had a party without those people. But you aren’t obligated to invite an entire cast to your party just because you’re inviting two of them. That’s absurd.” Classic_Special7045
3. WIBTJ If I Suddenly Leave My Job?
“I used to work a pretty normal low-level position and I decided to try my hand at a little bit higher of a position with a little bit more responsibility. I was really excited to start it but the reality was really not what I expected.
Throughout the interview process, I was told about how much they would be helping me and supporting me through the training and the first couple of months, but they have not followed through on any of that. My training was lackluster and there have been many times where I’ve done something and then later been told I was not supposed to do that so I had to try to fix it even though they never gave me specific parameters for the things I handle.
I’ve been inundated with tons of emails and calls every day and sometimes when I get to work they will have people waiting to talk to me so I don’t even get the chance to put my stuff down before I have to clock in and immediately start my work.
it’s just been really stressful and they’ve noticed how stressed I have been but haven’t done much to help.
I’m at my breaking point because I’m also in school and that was one of the main reasons they were saying they would help me so much.
I dread going to work every day and it feels like I constantly am screwing up and not performing well.
I’m at the point where I want to just get a different job and not deal with it anymore but I’m scared I will be labeled a jerk for leaving them high and dry since my position just started almost a month ago, what do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But try to find a new job before you quit that one. NEVER feel guilty about wanting to leave a trashy job, they would replace you the next day if you dropped dead, they don’t care about you whatsoever as clearly evidenced already by their refusal to even train you properly and then blame it on you when problems arise because you don’t know how to do your job.
DO NOT tell them either that you are looking for a new job because that gives them ammo to make your life even worse for the remainder of your time there.
Find a new job then put in at least a week’s notice just as a courtesy but if they try screwing you over during that time then just leave, what are they going to do about it!” Etenial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Business is business. Make choices purely based on whether it’s best for you. If they rely on you that much, they can pay you enough that you don’t mind the workload.
Side note: You are in school. This job is a side hustle.
Do the work you can in the time allotted, but do not sabotage yourself over it. That is a secret most people with a bit more work experience all know: Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself so you don’t burn out.” Sawses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people change jobs all the time. That’s life. They may not think highly of you, but you can’t control that. I would consider giving a notice period to avoid burning bridges and be aware that how you’re treated after that will give you an idea if you will want to use this company as a reference in the future.
I do strongly recommend getting a new job before leaving this one, but it is ultimately your decision
But really, NTJ even if your position started a few days ago or years ago.” thecatmouse
told her that her nitpicking caused me a lot of stress and if she couldn't back off I was done. She proceeded to call me the C word and I gave her the key to office and told her to shove as far up her butt as she could get it.
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Want To Get Married?
“I’m 14F (I know young for marriage) but all my family talks about is how I’m gonna want kids and how my husband is gonna think of me when I’m older (context: I’m not a fan of children other than my cousins and that’s only when spending a couple of hours with them).
Also in my family, there is no love marriage just arranged.
And when I say my mom is obsessed with my marriage I mean it, she designed a spiral staircase in our new house just for me to walk down at my engagement party.
Moving on, my mom raised my aunts and uncles since they were younger and has been sort of like a mother to them, My grandma was around but she was pretty young and my grandpa was abusive so she wasn’t in a mental state to take care of 7 kids.
My aunt (moms side) got married to my uncle (Dads side) a year ago and have a baby boy, they are currently living at my grandparent’s house (Dads side) since its a tradition to live with your husband’s family until you have a house, but since he’s in the military, he is gone on weekdays and around on weekends, and my aunts work is 30 minutes from my grandparent’s house (Dads side) and only 5 from my mom’s side.
So for support, she stays at her parent’s house.
On to where I might be the jerk, my mom kept scolding my aunt saying she should be welcoming her husband home acting like a lady, and even complaining about my aunt not dressing for her husband, and flaunting to her sisters-in-law (my mom was the first woman to marry in my dads family so my aunts weren’t very nice to her but are nice to my aunt) and my aunt kept saying she didn’t need to and that she and her husband are fine.
I was really uncomfortable and my grandfather asked what was wrong and I said ‘I’m never going to get married if you treat me like that’ my mom got heated and started yelling about how my husband is gonna come complaining to her about how rude I am.
Ive always been scolded for saying I do not want marriage or kids (I’m a closeted aromantic, parents are homophobes).
Later in the car, my mom started saying how rude I was for saying that and that she is gonna force me to get married just to see how my husband would react to my behavior.
My friends have told me that I’m not in the wrong but my parents + family think I am.
I think I might be since I said that in front of my relatives, and my family agrees with how my mom is.
So AITJ?
Edit: I have to be 26+ to leave the country without my father or my husband’s permission. And here you are not allowed to live on your own as a woman from this country but foreigners can.
Edit: I found out that I can get my brother permission to leave the country but I don’t think my older brother would let me maybe my younger brother can but based on how men are raised here I don’t think he will.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. But your parents, especially your mom are. If you’re in the middle east, I would advise you to tread very very carefully. You don’t need to ascribe to this way of thinking, but you know that you need to be very careful about how you react.
Forced marriages are still a thing these days and if you want to maximize your chances of getting out, you need to pretend and go with societal rules. Be careful about how you react.
There are ways of using shame to say the same things, but in a way that will get you fewer repercussions.
e.g. one can make the argument that your aunt’s husband wants her to act the way she is already acting. Coming from a patriarchal culture, what the husband says, should be implemented, hence your mom has no say. It’s a trashy argument.
But it is one that can be used to shame people into shutting up.
Use their silly logic against them. It’s also good if you can recruit other male members of the family and elders into acting in a way that shuts up such dumb discussions with your mom.
It’s a very subtle process, one that you learn over time. But the quicker you learn it, the easier it gets to deal with this sort of nonsense.
I would not take the threat of a forced marriage lightly. Which makes it even more important for you to not rock the boat.
You can find ways of getting out, but until you can, you need to make sure to keep on your mom, and especially DAD’s good side. And your brothers too. Perhaps then you can try and make a plan to leave your country.
It’s different in my country, but a lot of women leave the country under the guise of going abroad for studies.
Perhaps that is something you can work towards? Maybe convincing the family to move to a place that has laws that are more friendly to women and then making your escape there?
Either way, learn to play the game of family and social politics and so it well. And in time you can use them to get what you want. Or at least keep people at bay long enough for you to get away from them.” pixierambling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I realize your choices are limited, but I would suggest keeping any ideas or plans to yourself for now. Right now you do not have much power, so everything you say to them can be used by them against you.
The less they know about what you are thinking, the less they can make plans against you. If your younger brother might help you, I think it would be a good idea to not tell him anything yet. First, just work on getting him to see things more your way.
This may take some time to do carefully. This way, when the time comes to ask him for help, he’ll already be inclined to help you.” disruptionisbliss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are young, so there is still plenty of time to plan.
In most countries, you cannot be forced to marry a person. In a lot of countries, people younger than 18 can only get married with certain extra paperwork and authorization from parents.
If you fear it could happen to you, reach out to local child bride organizations.
They will provide guidance.
After 18, your parents have no legal rights or obligations to you in most countries. But that means they can disown you if you do not follow whatever they say. That is something some people prefer.” blfsw34
1. AITJ For Showing My Friend's Fanfiction To Other People?
“My (F18) best friend (F18) is a very talented writer, I love her style and just genuinely enjoy reading her works. She writes fanfiction and posts it on fanfic sites sometimes but obviously under a username with no connection to her real-life socials.
I am the only person who knows about her fanfictions and who’s behind the account as she said she is embarrassed by people finding her account because she’s scared she’ll be made fun of for what she writes.
She writes a lot of fanfics, but she writes stories where she inserts herself into the stories so she can write about herself being with one of the characters that she’s pretty much in love with.
Not mentioning the character. To people reading without knowing the author it just seems like she made up a character but really she’s just imaging scenarios of herself and her favorite character in a relationship. I don’t find this weird at all so I just accept it.
Now recently, I met this other girl (F18) at my school, she’s very nice and she happened to mention, in passing, one of her favorite movies and favorite character from it. Her favorite happened to be the same character my best friend writes fanfiction about so I told her I knew someone who writes about him and showed her my friend’s fanfic account and she said she’d read some later.
I thought if my two friends shared this interest they can become friends over it.
I told my best friend I found someone else who shared her interest in this character and showed her the profile and told her who was behind it and hoped the two can be friends over it.
I told her to not worry because she won’t be made fun of but my best friend still lost it with me. She was getting emotional and upset because I told someone about her work and how she’s so embarrassed about it and she’s just been mad and upset at me for it now.
I don’t understand if she was only embarrassed for people to see it because she thought she’d be made fun of why is she still sad if I showed it to someone who also shares the interest and seemingly was excited to read the things?
I honestly just wanted my friends to end up bonding over the love they both have for the character. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Writing is deeply personal to the writer, even if it’s fanfiction. Whether she writes Mary Sue or not, it can be incredibly embarrassing and writers often only share their work with people they trust deeply.
You have now broken that trust. If she posts her work online, she has the benefit of anonymity. So now, yes, you may have turned someone onto her work who enjoys it, but you also ‘outed’ her against her will and certainly without even discussing it with her first.
That is your problem. She now has to look that person in the eye and realize they have probably read what she wrote. It can be akin to reading a diary, especially if a topic she has put in there is particularly emotional or she has personal experience with it.
Writing is catharsis to get your demons down on the page and be able to look at them from the perspective of someone else.
Don’t repeat this mistake.” LetThemEatHay
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You violated your friend’s trust, period. Doesn’t matter if you think your intentions were good.
Just apologize, directly and sincerely. Explain that your excitement about this new person sharing a common interest with your friend blinded you to your friend’s boundary; you were enthusiastic, got carried away, and forgot yourself. Explain that you feel deep regret, and you understand now that your friend’s privacy/secrecy is an inviolable trust, and you’ll never make the same mistake again.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you had just sent the new girl the link to the fanfic site w/o mentioning that you personally knew the author that would have been OK I think. Then you could have found out the new girl’s reaction for sure and then gotten permission to reveal it beforehand.
But even if you have not already provided the name, you have provided enough info that the new girl may be able to figure it out just by saying you know the author. And that was a betrayal.” psatty
