People Won't Forget These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Helping My Estranged Stepfather In A Nursing Home?
“Both my parents have sadly passed: My dad when I was only a young child, and my mom 2 years ago. My mom remarried while I was still young, and her husband tried to take over as “dad” for me. This led to many years of tension, and he and I never having a good relationship.
I did not appreciate his attempts to force a father/daughter relationship. I hated him for it, in fact. We spent many years living in a very unhappy home until I moved out. My relationship with my mother suffered because of this. After she died, I saw no reason to maintain any relationship with him.
I never considered him part of my family, and I had no love for him to want him around.
He fell on some hard times some time ago and found a way to get that information to me. He asked for my help, and I ignored him.
I found out from a distant relative of his, who apparently has always been in touch with him, that he is now in a nursing home. She told me he wanted to see me, and that he needed someone to help advocate for him. I said that was not my job or my concern.
She told me he was my parent, and after all those years, I might have childishly resented him for trying to love me, but he was alone and had no children of his own, and I was the closest he ever got, and he happily loved me and tried to be a parent to me and make me his daughter, and I owe him more than to do nothing.
I told her she was his relative, not me, and she can do something if she wants. She called me a vindictive brat and said that someone in her 30s should be more compassionate than me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly this mindset of kids or stepkids have to care for their parents when they don’t have any kind of relationship and are basically estranged; it is dumb.
That’s what savings and retirement are for, heck it’s up to the person to prepare for their future and take the steps to deal with it. I fail to see how it’s even remotely your responsibility. It’s more the relative’s responsibility at this point than yours as they have maintained the relationship.” Zel_lost_it
Another User Comments:
“NTJ forced relationships never work. The guy didn’t get the ready-made family he wanted and should have planned better. That he is still clinging even after this strained your relationship with your mom, and when she died he literally had to find you, should have been a hint to not interfere in your life.
That they are trying to get you to advocate for him when you don’t even want to speak is a red flag. I’ve heard stories of people accidentally becoming responsible for medical and funeral costs while trying to help. Might be why his real relative is so upset you said no. And you are not vindictive.
You just moved on from an unhappy situation. I hate people who think you have to reconcile and let toxic people back in your life to “be the bigger person.”” Formal_Air1697
Another User Comments:
“You have to do what is right for you. My mother passed away, and before she did, she made me promise I would not “drop” her ex-husband (my ex-stepfather) when she died. She’s been gone 8 years now, and this man is a misogynistic narcissistic overweight diabetic who believes I should drop all my other responsibilities (family including grandchildren, animal rescue work, my own stage 4 cancer battle) so that I am there for him 24/7.
Let me tell you – it’s a nightmare. Don’t do it – just don’t.” AussieTopCat
21. AITJ For Not Picking The Icing For My Brother's Birthday Cake?
“I (17f) have an older brother (19M) who is my mum’s favorite. It’s obvious to everyone except her. I have pretty much accepted it and I don’t let it bother me too much.
Now the issue is that my brother is turning 20 soon and my mum has not shut up about his birthday for months.
It’s all I hear about, and I’m sick of it. I am mostly bitter about it, as my birthday was earlier this year, but my mum completely forgot about it until social media reminded her, and she just half-heartedly wished me.
This morning, my mum was asking me about what color the icing on the cake should be.
I didn’t answer, and I just rolled my eyes. She blew up at me and started saying I hate my brother (which is not true, I love him, he’s great). I yelled back, saying how should I know what the color of the cake should be?
It’s not my birthday, and I told her no one except her cares about the color.
Now she’s mad at me, Dad thinks I should apologize. Brother doesn’t care. But am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Happy late bday. And just tell your mom to make his bday cake the same color she made yours.
And walk away. And just make it about you. “I have no interest in helping you plan his party. It’s nice that you take an interest in the life of at least one of your children. So I’m going to leave the planning up to you.
I’m sure you know what he likes more than I do.”” noonecaresat805
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to be magnanimous, ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you. But please understand that it hurts me deeply to watch you put so much time, planning, and effort into Brother’s birthday while it took social media to remind you of mine.
I love Brother and hope he enjoys his birthday, but the difference in treatment we have received has made it hard for me to want to celebrate with you.'” Cavane42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Be direct. Explain that you love your brother and do not hate him.
Explain that you’re hurt by the fact that she puts way more effort into him than you and that it’s rather unfair to you that he gets all the effort when it took social media to remind her of your birthday. With this behavior, she’s lucky she hasn’t fully lost you.” SakuraKitsune4
20. AITJ For Refusing To Tone Down My Hair For My Friend's Wedding?
“More than two years ago, my friend (29F) asked me (32F) to be her maid of honor for her wedding. Fast forward, she is finally having her wedding in September. Mind you, she and her now husband (yes husband) flew to Vegas and had a mini ceremony back in 2021, so this is now just the party.
I have always had crazy-colored hair, every color of the rainbow sometimes all at once. Currently, I have both pink and purple hair, and she recently told me that I would have to “tone” it down for the wedding, and she didn’t want me to be a “sore thumb” in her wedding photos.
I feel like a jerk because now I don’t even want to be in her wedding at all.
AITJ for not wanting to change my hair for her day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m from Europe, and my answer may be biased because I honestly find some parts of American wedding culture freaking weird.
But I don’t get how you try to micromanage your best friend’s hair, weight, nails, dresses, etc., etc. Isn’t it just lovely that they want to celebrate the day with you? And it’s not like you deliberately colored it the day before. This is YOU.
And how you should love you and appreciate you. You are not some weird wedding prop showing up for pictures but a close friend celebrating her and her husband. NTJ at all! And I understand why you are hurt!” -Pippi-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she would have asked if you would mind temporarily dyeing your hair, you said no and she would have dropped the issue.
It would have been No jerks here for me, but since she apparently demanded you change it because you would be the sore thumb… nope, I wouldn’t change my hair either. To each their own, but I personally find it pretty boring if the whole wedding party is only allowed to wear x color, have x hairstyle, add x jewelry, and so on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve got rainbow hair (usually teal/peacock green lately) & it’s a pain to bleach my dark hair, do the color, etc. No way would I want to dye it back to brown & have to do all the work of getting back to a light enough level blonde so I could redo the teal!
If you’re naturally light blonde & could fade the color to pastel (& WANTED to do that), that’s slightly less of a big ask. But you have every right to want to look like you at the wedding. My sister is Very Particular & she set up family photos with a strict color scheme.
I decided to dye my hair royal blue to match her theme, but even she didn’t ask me to go natural. And she’s kind of a jerk, to be honest. The bride knew about your style beforehand so *shrug*, she’s gotta deal, in my opinion.” SuchFunAreWe
19. AITJ For Shaving My Head To Prove My Independence Despite My Mom's Objection?
“I am about to finish university and I plan on shaving my head after handing in my last assignment.
I’ve wanted to shave my head on and off for a while but because of vague issues about internalized misogyny, I haven’t yet. My mom and I have had numerous arguments over the years about how (un)feminine I am. It used to be related to being gay but now I just think she wishes she had a daughter more like her, and I’m not actually angry at her for that.
I told her I was going to shave my head, and she has been mad about it for weeks.
Today I called her, and we were talking, and she told me she was actually mad about it because last year she had cancer (all good now) and was terrified of losing her hair, and she thinks me shaving mine is rubbing it in her face.
I genuinely did not consider that at all. This was a decision I was making to really end this period of my life and try to be more confident, but now I feel like a jerk about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It’s your hair; you wanted to do it for a long time, and your mom knows you have these tendencies.
So, for her to inject the cancer she has beaten (a woop woop to that) is just manipulative. Intent is everything, and she knows your intent is not even remotely connected to her cancer; it’s just a desperate move of a mom who is learning there are boundaries.
I went through it with my mom and my first tattoo. She tried every angle to convince me, even ‘crying all night because of me.’ I got it anyway and was respectful to them in making sure they knew my motivations and what it means to me.
I’ve gotten more tattoos since, and it’s all good in the hood. Look at it as growing pains for parents when they have to grow into the idea that their kid is an autonomous individual now. Stand your ground, but be proactive in communication—inform her that you have made this decision and why, and that you love her and respect her, and that this is not about her.
By now, this part of your life is outside of her ‘jurisdiction,’ and she needs to come to terms with it.” mon-keigh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is an adult and thus responsible for modulating her own responses to stimuli. You can’t make her feel anything, and you going about the basic business of living your life is, frankly, not really any of her business.
All relationships require some give and take, but only in the agreed-upon shared space between the people. There is absolutely no right to influence another person’s body or grooming and her claim that your hairstyle is somehow about her is taking it too far.
Frankly, I think she’s trying to emotionally blackmail you by linking your personal choices about what you do with your own hair with her past cancer. It’s kind of brilliant because it has just the right mix of guilt and fear to keep you in line.
Make you girlie and keep you girlie until you theoretically “grow out of this phase.” If she is indeed legitimately struggling with your hairstyle perhaps suggest that she seek professional psychological guidance to deal with PTSD because obviously she’s not handling her recovery well.
If nothing else, seeing her vibrant, healthy, young adult child with a shaved head might overwrite the traumatic memories and create joyful new associations. And congratulations on graduating!” HiveJiveLive
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, obviously you want to talk to your mom about your reasoning.
She may not like it but at least she should understand that it has nothing to do with her cancer. I’m not sure why you want to shave your head unless you know you’re losing your hair and are going to go bald anyway but to each their own and all that.
You may want to find out if you go through an itchy phase if you let your hair grow back. As a guy, I get facial hair and shave but if I’m lazy for a couple of days the facial hair gets long enough that it makes my face itch like heck.
Longer or shorter than a certain point, no itches, but there is definitely a length where my face is a constant itch-fest and it’s incredibly bothersome. I can’t imagine the nightmare my life would be if that was my whole scalp. Something to remember if you do shave it all and later change your mind.” CharlesMuskrat
18. AITJ For Demanding My Twin Shower Before Borrowing My Dress?
“My (16F) twin and I got invited to a wedding. She didn’t have a dress to wear and asked I let her borrow one. I agreed but asked her to shower before wearing it.
For context, my sister has bad hygiene. She barely showers and wears the same clothes for days on end. Also irresponsible because the last time she wore something of mine, it was dirty and torn in one spot.
When I told her this, she got angry, saying that it was unkind to ask something like.
She then brought the issue to our mom, who said I was being rude and hypersensitive. I feel like asking isn’t unreasonable because it’s my dress. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why isn’t your mother concerned that her other daughter is not showering? Your sister has a problem and your mother should take care of that, not defend her bad hygiene.
And she would let her attend a wedding without washing! Your sister and your mother will be the talk of the wedding. And I’m sure the bride and groom won’t be thrilled.” Malibucat48
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it should be natural to shower before going to such an event.
You just tried to save her some disgusting looks and many bad words behind her back. It is so disrespectful to borrow something and then treat the stuff like crap! Your mother is clearly in denial about the situation. Or/and has the wrong golden child.” Sheeps_n_Birds
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. I don’t think you’re necessarily a big jerk, but you definitely could have just said no to letting her borrow something instead of saying yes and adding in a caveat about a humiliating hygiene problem. I wonder if there might be some depressive issues contributing to that, as there often are, but you didn’t give much context.
She also had a right to have her feelings hurt, but bringing the issue to your mom is a bit childish. You were rude, but the situation blew up more than it needed to.” DorothyZbornaksArmy
17. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Disabled Mom's Car For My Neighbor's Partner?
“I own half a duplex. The person who lives in the other half rents hers. Most of our parking is on the street. She has a garage in the back that her landlord doesn’t allow use of.
I have a parking pad in the back that currently can only have 1 car parked back there because the other spot I have sinks and we’ve had to tow 2 cars from there already. My husband parks in the 1 good spot out back. My neighbor parks on the street.
I park my car on the street.
My mother recently moved in and is currently parked in the last spot out front. She has recently messaged me, asking for my mom to move her car further up the road so her partner, who recently moved in with her, can park his car there.
My mom is legally disabled and has health issues that prevent her from walking and standing for long periods of time. Her partner is like 25 and is in very good shape.
Her reasoning for my mom moving her car is that, as of currently, she doesn’t drive around since she’s new to the area and her phone isn’t currently working for GPS, so when my mom leaves, she leaves with me.
My mom moved into my house before her partner moved into hers. Am I the jerk for not moving my mom’s car so her partner can park his car closer on the public street?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Street parking is street parking. Aside from making sure you have the car moved however often your area requires, it’s fair game for your mom’s spot.
Uncontrollable guy tangent: If your other spot sinks, I’d look into fixing up that spot. My area will deliver a sizable amount of gravel for a few hundred dollars.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This makes no sense to me. They want you to move the car of a person with limited mobility, to a much further and more inconvenient spot, so they can park there, and then just expect nobody else in the world to park there the next time they use their car.
Unless they also plan on parking their car there for a while, which kind of nullifies their entire argument. Otherwise, they are asking you to do all of this so they can park their car there once lol.” ameelvi
Another User Comments:
“If it is a public spot on the street, first come first served. If your mother is parked in a particular public spot, your mother has that spot unless she leaves it and someone else, like the partner, gets it before she returns.
While it would be kind for the partner to leave the nearer space for someone with more mobility problems than he has, neither he nor anyone else is legally obliged to do so. Obviously, though, he has no right at all to demand that you or your mother move your mother’s car.
NTJ for refusing to move the car. Just make sure your mother is following all local regulations about parking on public roads.” SavingsRhubarb8746
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Toxic Cousin To My Wedding?
“I am recently engaged. My dad has a big family, but on mom’s side, it’s just her, my grandma, my aunt, and one cousin.
I don’t have the highest opinion of my cousin. I didn’t notice it growing up due to an age gap and him not taking much interest in the family (showing up to Christmas in time to open his gifts and leave right after, etc.), but in adulthood, I’ve pretty much gathered that he got all of the worst traits from his parents.
He’s self-absorbed and acts like he’s better than us despite obvious issues with gambling and booze. More importantly, he’s been openly hostile to my mom recently, demeaning her and even threatening her over her conflicts with my aunt.
Mom’s relationship with her sister is shaky at best. My aunt has always been my grandparents’ favorite child, and so her son was always their favorite grandchild.
I love my aunt, but she consistently creates problems between her and my mom because she knows that no matter who starts it or what it’s over, Grandma will take her side. Every time. And Mom will have to fix it. Every time.
Things have only gotten worse since Grandpa died. My aunt has been insufferable.
Grandma moved out of her house, but not before my aunt gutted the place for anything of value, sold it, and kept every penny for herself. Grandma tried to give his truck to my brother, who doesn’t have a vehicle, and there was a dispute over that for weeks until she was allowed to sell that too.
Everything notably sentimental of my grandpa’s went to my cousin: the flag he was given as a deceased veteran, all of his medals, and the pocket knife he carried every day of my life. I was given a mug that I had never seen before.
I actually wouldn’t have held that against my cousin, if it weren’t for this: When grandpa died, he didn’t come. My brother, my fiancé, and I were there for the whole process. We took time off work to help his wife and daughters while processing our own grief.
I overheard a phone call where this 80-year-old woman, who had done everything for him (bailed him out of jail, took him in when his parents abandoned him in high school, anything he needed), asked him through her tears to come be with her… And he wouldn’t come.
My fiancé is very against inviting him to the wedding. In his words, “If he doesn’t want to be a part of this family, he doesn’t have to. If he won’t cry with us, he doesn’t get to laugh with us.” I am inclined to agree.
The problem is that if I don’t invite him, the damage to my mother’s already fragile family unit might be irreparable. My aunt will never forgive me—or her—for not making me invite him, and grandma will be devastated that I don’t want my cousin there.
The truth is, even if I invite him, he likely won’t come, so I might be creating an issue where there doesn’t need to be one. Also important to note: my mom hasn’t asked me to exclude him. She doesn’t want more conflict.
I am the one who doesn’t want him there. So, WIBTJ if I just didn’t invite him?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly? YTJ. Actions have consequences, and while I understand your feelings, the consequences of not inviting him will not fall on you and your fiancée; they will be taken out on your mother and grandmother.
Suck it up for him. Weddings are busy, and you won’t have to spend more than ten minutes with him. Speak to your photographer and make sure he’s on the end of every family picture and you get a few without him so he can be cut out.
There are ways of doing this no one will notice. But invite him and spare your mama the drama.” Foofieness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, basically, you’ll have to include aunt and cousin in everything, watch them take anything of value for themselves, can’t set boundaries, and have to keep your real opinion hidden because… they might stop talking to you?
That sounds like it would be a win. I’m sorry your grandma is experiencing stress at her age and with the loss of her husband, but she literally helped create these monsters! Shock horror—the ungrateful people who got everything they ever wanted and learned they can behave however they want without consequences didn’t turn out to be great people.
And who is expected to deal with the fallout? Your mother. And, to some extent, you. It’s up to your mother to deal with her family issues however she wants to. She sounds like she’d benefit from some therapy, but what isn’t ok is to expect you, her daughter, to continue this toxic cycle.
It doesn’t sound like you have a good relationship with your cousin, AND he robbed you of a lot—why would you want him at your wedding? You don’t owe him an invite at all. But you have a difficult choice to make here. If you choose to invite him so there won’t be any conflict, this will continue as long as at least your grandma—maybe your aunt—is still alive.” SweetNothings12
Another User Comments:
“Whew. I understand your dilemma. I can say with confidence there is NOTHING you can do that will make you an ah her. And there are some definite jerks in the post, so NTJ, no matter what. As for the dilemma… You and your fiance do not want him there – for good reason.
I wonder why you don’t feel the same about your aunt. She sounds like the driving force in a lot of the hurts you/your mom/your brother have experienced in the family. I personally don’t care what cousin, aunt, and even grandma feel about his exclusion.
Each one of them has done enough things that have used up all (or almost all, for Grandma) of the goodwill I would normally feel for family. The person whose feelings you do give weight to is your mom’s. If this were clearly a case of your mom enabling her mom/sister, then I would not encourage you to enable your mom.
But your mom is not asking for anything. You just know that she values what little good relationship she has with what’s left of her family, and you don’t want a decision of yours to lead to her losing more of those fragile relationships. You also know that the odds are your cousin wouldn’t even show up to the wedding.
So there might not be much to gain from raising a flag – but plenty to potentially lose. Ugh.
If you do invite him, then take comfort in the thoughts that (1) you accepted a reasonable risk and (2) you were trying to be kind to your mom.
If he does show up, then let your cousin be no more of a distraction to you than a fly on the wall. If you don’t invite him, then take comfort in the thoughts that (1) your aunt/cousin (and second tier, your grandma) chose the actions that led to his exclusion; they are the root cause of any fallout, (2) you have the absolute right not to include people at your wedding whom you have no good feelings for, and (3) the relationship between you and your cousin is non-existent/between you and your aunt is already poor/between your mom and your aunt is also likely to continue to disintegrate, no matter what you do.
In other words, whatever you decide, focus on what you can take comfort in.” swillshop
15. AITJ For Insisting On A Heads-Up Before Letting A Stranger Sleep Over?
“Last night, my mom, who I live with, invited her new friend over for dinner.
She has been hanging out with him for only a month now, and he has told her that he is living in his car. I have met him twice before, but am not comfortable around him and do not know him well yet. He works hard at his job and has come over once to help shovel snow from our driveway.
Last night after dinner, I had gone to bed, only to get a text from my mom that her friend was spending the night on the couch. I have severe anxiety and immediately started thinking of everything that could go wrong with having, essentially, a stranger in my home while I sleep.
I replied to my mom that I wish she had discussed this earlier with me because I am extremely uncomfortable with the situation. She texted back that it would be fine, and I responded that I did not feel comfortable being vulnerable like that and did not feel safe having someone I barely know in our home while we are asleep.
A few minutes later, I heard the front door close, and she texted that she asked him to leave. I have felt physically ill whenever I think about the fact that I am the reason he was asked to leave and had to go back to sleeping in his car, but I know I would have been up the entire night having panic attacks if he had stayed the night.
My mom apologized to me, which makes me feel even worse, and when I tried to talk about it with her today, she told me that she has nothing to say about it, but I can tell she’s angry or upset with me. But I feel that this all would have been avoided if we had discussed this before she had invited him over in the first place.
AITJ?
I need to add this part in: I do pay rent. The rent I pay is what helps us be able to stay in the house. Without it, neither of us could stay here. So yes, on paper it is her house, but in reality, we are both paying for it.
And there are no locks on the bedroom doors in our home; it is an old house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s worth apologizing still. If she apologized, she recognizes that she made you uncomfortable. In turn, I think you recognize that your fear could be misconstrued as hostility towards her friend and, by proxy, her.
If someone’s important to her, you should make an effort to get to know them, so just clarify it’s that you don’t know him well enough yet, not that you find a fault in him or disapprove of him or something.” comrade36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should also want to get a better feel of who this guy is before inviting him to stay overnight. I have a lot of anxiety, and I would have a hard time relaxing and feeling safe if a stranger was under the same roof.
She really should have at least run the idea past you, to see how you felt about it, before inviting him. He may be the nicest guy, and I hope it all works out well for all. But you weren’t wrong to feel a bit uncomfortable being tossed in that situation.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“Genuine questions. Why is your mum befriending a homeless man? This seems odd and dangerous to me. How has your mum even come across a homeless person? He has a job but is homeless? Where I live, it is very difficult to get a job if homeless because you need a fixed address for ID purposes.
Why would she invite him to sleep on the couch in your home? Again, this seems dangerous and a slippery slope to him (a stranger) moving in. What do your extended family have to say about this?” BeeDry2896
14. AITJ For Telling Off A Creepy Classmate For Harassing Me?
“I (17F) have been dealing with a creepy classmate (17M) for all 4 years of high school now. He’s autistic, so I kind of put up with it because I felt guilty thinking “He doesn’t know what he’s doing.” However, the first year of harassment and stalking was really creepy.
He would make gross comments about my body, how thin I was, etc., and it really grossed me out. Finally, after that year it stopped, but he continued to follow me around which I think was his poor attempt at being my friend. I just put up with it and hoped it stopped.
He continued to creep me out every year. He’d follow me around, forcefully sit with me (he literally pushed one of my friends to sit next to me), and wouldn’t leave me alone. One year at homecoming he FOLLOWED ME TO THE BATHROOM.
I had to be escorted out by a huge group of girls, who I did not know because he wouldn’t leave. He was practically a stalker.
Finally, this year came around and I started sitting with a big group of my friends at lunch, which I just so happened to share with the creepy guy.
He tracked me down and followed me to sit down with me, and creeped EVERYONE out. He just got way too comfortable, would talk to them like he knew them for years, and was just overall kind of weird. They knew my history with him though, and so I think it just weirded them out further.
Since they were starting to be affected, I finally manned up and told a principal along with my friends. According to them (I wasn’t told, the principals don’t really know me), she talked to the creepy guy and told him to stop. But it didn’t work.
He came up to me after days of me avoiding him and sat down like nothing happened.
One of my friends just had enough and told him off, told him he was creeping us out and we needed him to leave. Now the kid’s accusing my friend of “being a liar” (???) and me of being a horrible person and unfair.
I don’t understand what I did wrong. Did I do the wrong thing? I feel like he’s upset because I wouldn’t put up with his creepy behavior. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being autistic isn’t a free pass to be creepy.
Yell, scream bloody murder – he followed you into the bathroom, ffs! Punching a creep who follows you into the bathroom is also a valid option. It is not wrong to defend yourself against assault. Also, what in the heck are your parents doing about this?????
You are a minor who is being harassed at school – if the authorities dismiss it, you can call 911 and report a threat to your physical safety. And, you do realize this is escalating behavior, right? He is seeing what he can get away with, and you don’t want to be in a situation where you are alone and cornered by this.
This is a case of using autism as an excuse to harass others.” Powerful-Solid-8752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really kind of you to show this guy some grace because he’s autistic, but as an autistic woman, I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t excuse his behavior—and it does both you and him an injustice to let it continue.
I went to college with a guy who behaved similarly, even following me back to my dorm one day and inviting himself into the common room. It’s likely that if you’ve been subtle about your discomfort to this point, he hasn’t noticed, because autism can make it difficult to pick up on social cues.
But if you haven’t told him to stop because you don’t like it and it makes you uncomfortable, he’s likely to think that anyone who does is lying. Please know that I’m not blaming you at all because I know how difficult situations like that can be, especially as a non-confrontational woman.
If you encounter a situation like this again with a man you know to be autistic, telling him kindly but firmly that his actions make you very uncomfortable and you’d like him to stop the first time it happens will be much more effective.” the-calligrapher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just for context: Did you talk to any teachers or trained professionals? Not saying you deserve this in the slightest, you don’t have to be anyone’s friend. But you’ve been dealing with this since you’ve been 13/14 yo, you don’t have the skills/training to deal with someone who needs some extra help.
Bringing this up to someone could have allowed the school to monitor him closely, or even give him someone who follows them to aid them. Especially if he’s following you in the bathroom and risking your safety!” Curious_Stretch_573
13. AITJ For Telling Off My Mom's Friend And Making Everyone Mad At Her?
“A couple of years ago when I turned 18, I started transitioning (FTM) and my mom and our family friends kind of lost it, with this one lady Sarah (60ish) pulling me aside at a lunch and making me cry, saying I was “going to end up dead in a ditch.”
I cut her off and went to college. I haven’t seen her much since then. Recently, I’ve grown my hair out and started expressing myself more femininely. I’m still queer, just more comfortable in my identity and I like how I look this way.
I’m home for the holidays and my family and Sarah’s had a dinner together, and while we were setting up she came over smiling and said she was so grateful to see I’d “come to my senses” and stopped with the “trans stuff.” I told her (not yelling, but in a clear voice that everyone nearby could hear if they were listening), “Oh no, Sarah.
I’m still with gay men. Go find someone else to be the daughter you never had.” She has three sons. She made this angry noise, said “how freaking dare you” and stormed off. Two sons, the husband, and my mom heard.
Nobody in her family (husband or sons) knows what happened when I was 18 because I didn’t make a big deal of it at the time; they just know we had a falling out.
My mom forgave her because they’re best friends. But now the secret’s out and when one of her sons asked what the heck that was, I told him. So now her family’s mad at her too, but my mom’s mad at me for dredging up old stuff and being both inappropriate and rude.
But I think fighting fire with fire is fine, especially considering she never actually listened to me, just shoved her opinions on me.
But AITJ? It might have been uncalled for and now I’ve started stuff between Sarah and her sons.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The fact she said such a horrible thing alone with your mom forgiving her is ridiculous. But the utter audacity for her to walk up to you smiling with the newly added comment of how glad it was you “changed” your mind as if it was something wrong with you showed she deserved every bit of the hate and fallout.
You need to sadly make a stand with your mom. She needs to either support you, her child; or understand she risks losing you by supporting and defending such a vile person she wants to even call a friend.” Gandoff2169
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She messed around and the finding out part has just happened. Maybe ask your mom if she agrees with her friend, specifically on the gay men part and the you dying in a ditch thing.
Because obviously her friend hadn’t moved on about something that is not her concern to begin with and you are expected to be the bigger person or whatever. She wants to dish out? Well, then maybe she should learn to swallow too, right?” strangelifedad
Another User Comments:
“She stuck her nose in where it didn’t belong. She tried laying her close-minded, uptight issues onto you. And, after you took the high road and stayed low-key about the details, she decided to open that door again, with just as much ignorance and judgment as before.
If she didn’t want people or her to know, she should have kept her trap shut. You decided that the low-key approach was one that only one of you was following, and acted accordingly. The fact that her sons don’t think well of what she did has everything to do with the person she is, and not whether you decided to shine some light on it.
NTJ.” LeviathanLorb44
12. AITJ For Choosing My Sister Over My Controlling Dad?
“I’m a 22-year-old male with divorced parents.
My dad and I didn’t meet until I was 15 when I moved to Canada with my sister (24) to pursue opportunities. My dad has always been controlling and abusive, but I worked hard to improve our relationship over the years.
My sister got engaged with my dad’s blessing, but when she wanted to marry and move in with her fiancé, my dad opposed it.
His reasons were partly valid (e.g., her fiancé’s residency in the U.S.) but also unreasonable (e.g., controlling the timing and location of the wedding). This led to constant fights, and my sister eventually decided to marry without him in the picture.
I tried mediating for a month, but neither budged. My dad eventually gave me an ultimatum: stay with him or go to the wedding and be disowned. I chose to attend the wedding but didn’t tell him. He found out when he noticed my suit was gone, and after I came home, he told me to pack and leave.
My grandma convinced him to let me stay, but we haven’t spoken in over a year. He believes I’m in the wrong for siding with my sister, but I think he’s wrong for forcing me to choose between them.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your father has lived with you but hasn’t spoken to you in a year? This is extremely unreasonable behavior. Noting that you’re 22, I wonder if you’re able to work in Canada. If so, and if finances are keeping you in the house with your father, I think you’d be wise to try to find employment or to find a way to pursue educational or vocational training, that would allow you to earn enough to move into a different house, perhaps sharing with other young people.
Not talking to your adult son because he attended his sister’s wedding is not the behavior of a well person, or of a person it would be pleasant to live with. You deserve a pleasant home life. You’re an adult, and perhaps it’s time for you to pursue a better home life in a different home.
NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for going to the wedding but you are a jerk to yourself for bending so far backward for a guy who doesn’t give half a lick about you. He didn’t come into the picture until you were 15 when you and your sister moved to the same area.
Now he demands control over both your lives and you try to “mediate” it? Dude, you’re sneaking out like a teenager when you should put your foot down, instead of trying to have the best of both your sister and father for some godforsaken reason, you need to be demanding respect from that man or leaving.
His demanding things of your sister is beyond disrespectful and disgusting; there was no mediating there, he was flat-out disrespecting her and she made the right choice cutting him off. Why are you so insistent on keeping him around?” SpaceAceCase
Another User Comments:
“I agree 100% that you are NTJ.
Your dad is a controlling, abusive jerk. You say you didn’t have contact with him until you were 15 and yet he thinks everything should be about him. Complete narcissist! I’m glad you sided with your sister. You’ve actually been in a relationship with her longer than you have with him so it makes total sense.
I’m guessing his behavior is the reason you didn’t have contact with him all those years. Everybody on here knows he is the jerk, and I think we all agree you did the right thing! Good for you.” Critical_Armadillo32
11. AITJ For Skipping My Dad's Family Christmas Gift Opening?
“I 24(f) have my dad’s family Christmas gift opening day coming up on Sunday the 15th and I really don’t want to go.
I have not enjoyed Christmas gift opening with my dad’s family for the past two or three years. I skipped last year because I was so anxious that I felt sick for a week.
My dad has not let it go and his family has always proclaimed that Christmas is “their holiday” and there’s a lot of pressure and expectations despite them saying there isn’t.
Some background info:
– My dad’s family can be quite judgemental and they make a lot of “jokes” that aren’t funny and directly target specific family members.
– They open gifts one by one (we’re 15 people) so it takes hours and I hate having all that attention on me.
– I see my grandparents once or twice a year and they live 8 hours away; they stay with us so if I skip the gifts I’ll still be seeing them.
– I’ve said for years I don’t want gifts anymore but no one listens.
Part of it is definitely anxiety and that’s something I am working on. However, my dad has never really validated any of my feelings or emotions, so it’s hard to put myself in a situation where I feel uncomfortable because I know that if I feel panicked I’ll have to deal with it by myself.
I’ve already told my dad I may have to work and he seems quite frustrated. I obviously can’t tell him I don’t want to go or I would never hear the end of it. I’ve basically decided that I’m not going but it’s going to make my dad upset when I tell him.
AITJ for not just going along with it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try to get out of the mindset that you have to justify or explain your decision. You don’t, and it only opens the door to more questions. You can choose not to go for any reason; it doesn’t have to be better for your mental health, or because you have to work, or because it takes too long.
“I don’t want to go” is reason enough. Your dad’s frustration is HIS problem, not yours. Simply say “I’m not able to attend”. Reply to any follow-up questions with “That doesn’t work for me” or “I already told Dad that I wasn’t going; didn’t he convey that to you?” You are going to feel great when the 15th rolls around and you wake up without that feeling in the pit of your stomach.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“This sounds stressful especially if you’re still living at home. Maybe it’s time to take that step and explore other living arrangements? I understand that housing is expensive and hard to find, but maybe look for a roommate. If it’s that stressful that you have to lie it could be time to find your own place.
You’re an adult now, nothing wrong with living away from your parents if you can afford it. And if you tell your supervisor you would really, really take a holiday shift there’s nothing wrong with that! Many people get extra holiday pay so it could be a win/win.
And you do NOT have to tell anyone you requested to work that day, you may have other co-workers who would LOVE the holiday off. If you don’t actually have to work, nothing wrong with spending the day at the movies and treating yourself to a nice lunch (preferably in a part of town where none of your relatives would see you).
Or spend the day with a friend, volunteer at an animal shelter, whatever is good for YOUR mental health. It’s your holiday too, if you don’t want to spend hours with family that make you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to. And while lying isn’t ideal, it’s sometimes the best option depending on your living situation.” RuthBourbon
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, not knowing what exactly these jokes are like makes this hard to judge. If they were racially or politically charged that’d be one thing, but ribbing each other in good fun is just something families do. My gut reaction is that your anxiety is the root of the issue here.
You’re certainly not a jerk for your family traditions making you uncomfortable, nor are they for wanting to celebrate them. Overall leaning towards no jerks here, unless there’s extra INFO about the jokes that could tip the scales.” AlrestWhenImDead
10. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor To The HOA?
“My partner (26m) just moved in with me (29f). We live in a house with an HOA, and the houses are probably 20-30 feet apart (it’s easy to hear if one makes a loud noise). My partner owns a Mustang that is pretty loud and has to leave for work at 5 am.
I could see how this could be annoying, but the same neighbor has the exact same car that he starts at 7 am every morning.
Well, this morning I guess he had had enough of it. After my partner started his car to warm it up and came back inside for a second, the neighbor comes outside and screams at our house at the top of his lungs.
I couldn’t understand what he said, but it was loud enough to wake me up. So I went downstairs, and we both went outside to him, coming up to our porch, saying it was early and the car was loud and he has dogs that it wakes up, and blah blah blah.
Part of me wants to report him to the HOA. My partner agreed, when the neighbor was here, that he would start and go. I want to report him partly because I have been dealing with listening to his car for almost two years and never said a word, and partially because this isn’t the first issue I’ve had with him being overly aggressive/emotional about a situation.
AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who has a neighbor that warms up a giant truck in their driveway (that just happens to be on the other side of the wall from my bedroom) at 5:30 am every weekday – I empathize with this guy. You both have loud cars, you’re both starting them early – the difference is that 7 am is usually right at noise ordinance limits, 5 am isn’t.
Most ICE vehicles don’t need to be “warmed up” before driving. The car warms by the engine running, which is what happens while the car is running/driving. Starting your car and letting it run in the driveway at that hour isn’t needed. Yeah, it’s cold.
Yeah, it’s nicer to have a warm car to get into. And sure, you may need to defrost the windshield. But find a way to work with this guy – you both live there. ESH. (I’m sure your other neighbors dislike both your cars just as much, he’s just the only one screaming about it.)” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I lived across the street from a loud truck that got started at 0448 every weekday for 2 months; he left within 30 seconds. I knew he was leaving for work. I hate loud cars. I hate loud pipes on motorcycles (I ride). Where we were, didn’t have an HOA.
I knew he was leaving for work because I politely asked. He needed to be at work by 7, and his site was 2 hours away. He apologized. Getting up, starting his car, and leaving promptly was the best he could do. Starting your car and leaving it running for a minute or two is OBNOXIOUS.” OnlyThePhantomKnows
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but there’s a world of difference to waking people up at 5 am vs. 7 am. If there’s a HOA, I wonder what the quiet hours are because I think your partner would be outside of them. I think your neighbor should be reporting you tbh.
When I have to leave at 5 am, I absolutely do my best to not wake my neighbors. That’s just what considerate people do. YTJ because neither you nor your partner think you’re in the wrong, and you’re just utterly obnoxious neighbors. If you woke me up every day at 5 am, I’d be exceptionally aggressive and angry towards you too.
I fully understand where the neighbor is coming from. At 7 am, most people are getting up for work or to get kids to school, so him doing it then is not remotely equivalent. It would kind of be like me playing death metal full volume at lunchtime compared to you playing it full volume at 1 am.” LingonberryNo2455
9. AITJ For Confronting My Imam Over Sharing My Personal Struggles?
“I’m a 26-year-old married woman who has been attending Islamic studies classes for 3.5 years.
My teacher is the Imam of our masjid and holds a father-like status in this setting. Last summer, I stopped attending classes due to mental health struggles related to my relationship, which required therapy.
When my teacher asked why I wasn’t attending, I shared a little about my struggles, and he gave me spiritual advice.
A few months later, while I was still absent, a man from the center (let’s call him Adam), who is close to the teacher, texted me and said, “Your teacher told me about you.” I did not react to this and just said, “It happens and pray for me.”
Recently, I rejoined classes. During a lecture, my teacher expressed frustration with attendance (an issue for the whole class, btw) and publicly taunted me, referencing my personal struggles. After class, I texted him, saying I was hurt by his comments and also brought up Adam’s earlier remark about my issues being shared.
The teacher reacted angrily, accused me of seeking sympathy, and denied telling Adam anything. Since he and Adam are the bestest of friends, Adam obviously took his side when I reached out to him and completely denied that my teacher told him anything. He even threatened to send my messages to my husband, saying he wants to see “how my relationship works out.” This was particularly alarming since my husband, who is short-tempered, attends the masjid and is well-known there.
After this, the teacher kicked me out of class, told students not to speak to me, and removed both my husband and me from the community group, making others suspicious. I now fear he’s trying to provoke my husband into confronting him so he can reveal the situation to him as revenge.
I’m torn, as saving my relationship is my priority. Am I at fault here? Any advice would be appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m guessing your Imam didn’t like being called out on his behavior (probably worse because it was a woman) and is punishing you for it.
There is a very scary power dynamic forming. Your Imam is alienating you from your community and potentially trying to incite your husband and I fear for your well-being and potential safety. Are there any safe women in your community you can talk to, or even any women who may not be as active at your masjid (maybe they were pushed out as well)?
It might help to seek their insight and counsel. Good luck OP, keep us updated.” OverTap3069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your personal information was vomited up by your teacher. Highly unprofessional. As far as the info given up to hubby….hmmm…sounds a bit suspicious.
Are Adam and the teacher attempting to blackmail you? Do they not understand they are adding to your unwelcome stress? Doesn’t hubby know about your mental health issues? Tell Adam and the teacher to go to! They can take your medical info with them and share it with whomever they’d like on their way down!” Ok_Historian_646
Another User Comments:
“I’m not a Muslim so don’t know the religious rules but you’re NTJ in my opinion. If Adam or the teacher text you again keep it as proof. Make print screens if you have to. Is there any chance your husband will take your side if you tell him what happened first?
Based on what you’ve told us your husband will most likely believe them if he hears it from them first. He’ll wonder why you didn’t tell him. I wish you the best of luck. Your teacher and Adam behaved very inappropriately.” Few-Product-9937
8. AITJ For Dumping My Uncaring, Messy Mom On My Family?
“I am a 35-year-old female, and my mother is 66. For most of my life, I have played the role of a parent to my mother, who is irresponsible with money and life in general. Two years ago, she had a mini-stroke and was in the hospital for a few weeks, followed by a stay in a nursing home for a few months.
The time without her was some of the best for me. I got to come home to a clean apartment after cleaning out her room, which looked like an episode of Hoarders (70 large black garbage bags from a 10×16-foot room).
Since returning from the nursing home, she has done nothing.
She no longer has to work or take her meds. She doesn’t clean and has basically turned into a sloth (which fits because I don’t think she has showered in over a month). With no plans for her future or any money, as it is spent as soon as her SSI hits her account, I am left to deal with the consequences.
I work full-time and have a side gig, but I come home to a literal mess every day that takes hours to clean. I am at a loss for what to do. I basically just hid away in my room most days to avoid her, which sucks.
Also, none of my family lives in my state, so I don’t get any help. I wish there was some government program, but I can’t find anything.
So AITJ if I dumped my mom on family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in family court.
If she’s receiving SSI or SSDI, she has a case worker. Call the case worker and advise your mother needs the assistance of APS (Adult Protective Services) or a nursing home because you are unable to care for her anymore. Explain your mom isn’t taking care of yourself, and your home is no longer a safe environment for her as she can’t take care of herself properly in your absence.
They will find her appropriate care.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“Been here and I’m sorry. I’m 37 with a family; my mother is 57. A case worker said to call APS, and when I did, they basically said I’m calling in on myself. It honestly did more harm than good.
Get her to a hospital (my mother fell and busted her head). I told them I refuse to pick her up; she needs to go to the nursing home. They had her placed in a nursing home within a week. It’ll be a year in February, and all she does is complain and tell people I’m the worst human in the world.
It was worth it not to be raising that woman. My family is all dead besides my brother and a 20-year-old cousin who lives with us. Seriously, this is the way. So many people in the ER came to hug me and told me I was doing the right thing; she smelled, and you could tell she was mentally disturbed. Doctors can pull those strings when they need, and they did awesome by me!
Good luck!” Prestigious_Ad3865
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have permission to talk to her doctors? Ask for home health care to help come take care of her. They will help her with her bathing and her meds. If her doctor is part of a hospital system, ask them to put in a referral for a social worker.
If they don’t have a social worker, contact your state’s version of Adult and Family Services. Medicare will not pay for someone to come in and clean the house or do her laundry, etc., but a social worker might be able to put you in touch with community resources that can help.
If she has no assets and she can’t live on her own, the state could tell you how to get her switched over to Medicaid and put in an assisted living facility, which would have her move out of the home.” Spinnerofyarn
7. AITJ For Quitting Grandma's House Care Over Shifting Agreements And Emotional Abuse?
“Early this year, I (24M) was given the opportunity to live in my grandmother’s (92F) house completely free. She was deteriorating to the point where she wasn’t safe to be left alone, so she was moved to live with my uncle, and seeing as there would be no one in the house, it was arranged that I would be there to watch over it.
The utilities and other expenses would be automatically taken from her pension account, so I didn’t have to spend money on anything besides food, essentially.
Then the water turned off a couple of weeks later, and I paid to reinstate it. This was the start of several bills that I began to pay that I was not told about initially.
About $500 each month, which isn’t much and is definitely less than when I lived in an apartment, but is still a deviation from the original arrangement.
Grandma comes back a few months later. When she arrived, she was living with my dad and step-mom, as they were retired and had time to look after her, whereas I worked full time.
They approached me with the situation: wherein she would be moving into the nursing home, I would stay in her home, and I would also contribute toward the cost of the nursing home. This was completely new to me and had not been discussed. The number floated around was $1200 per month, on top of the bills I had already been paying.
But before that happened, she had a fall that left her incapacitated for a few more months. She was wheelchair-bound for some time, and the family talked about selling her home to finance the nursing home. She ended up calling me, begging me not to let them sell her house.
After she gets well, she said she wanted me to live with her in her home. She assured me that all she asked for was the bare minimum: keep paying the bills I was currently paying, assist her with getting out of bed, cooking/cleaning, etc. Everything else would be covered by nurses who would visit regularly.
Initially, everything was fine. Until one day, after I decided to sleep in following a long shift the day before, she lashed out, exclaiming that the breakfast I had premade for her the night before—which she claimed was tasty while I was making it—”wasn’t fit for a dog,” and that the house was filthy despite me having deep-cleaned everything only two days prior.
This started a cacophony of daily complaints and criticisms, from me not smiling when I came home to her trying to dictate my life. On top of this, no outside assistance ever came, so I was tasked with cleaning bodily fluids, changing diapers, and giving baths.
Did I mention the petulant, child-like tantrums?
I told the family I can’t live with her emotional abuse and made sure that arrangements would be made to have her stay in a home with nurses more qualified and patient than I am. One side of me feels guilty about not being able to just take it and still be there for her, but the other thinks I was slowly goaded into a position no one else wanted.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ On the surface level, it’s a simple transaction. A commitment was made based on agreed-upon conditions, the conditions changed, so the commitment is null and void. On a deeper level, you cannot physically provide the care that she needs.
Whether the abuse is due to her nature or mental deterioration with age, it is creating a hostile environment that is impacting your ability to provide basic care without being severely impacted yourself. Your family was willing to put her in a nursing home and use the proceeds from the sale of her house to pay for it.
You tried an alternative plan that your grandma begged for to keep her home and semblance of independence. The alternative plan fell through, so go with the original plan.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“Oh no, NTJ. Not at all. Even without all the details. Your grandmother is probably moving into dementia (this explains the outbursts, anger, storytelling, etc.) and YOU are not qualified to deal with that.
In case no one else has said this: The kindest thing you will ever do is arrange for your grandmother to be safe, comfortable, and well-cared for. No one else in your family lived up to their word. They tried to use you for money AND personal care AND being an unpaid superintendent for the house.
People have terrible ideas about nursing homes, but for a LOT of people, they are the right and best answer. I’m sorry you’ve been going through this. I hope you saved enough to move out on your own. Your family are NOT people you can count on.” AlbanyBarbiedoll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like the money would have been in the accounts to pay the bills, but the bills weren’t being paid automatically and no one told you how to get it done, so you did it yourself. As far as the living situation goes, Grandma should go to a nursing home.
She needs more care than you can provide, and no one else is stepping up to do it in her home. Her home should be sold to finance the nursing home arrangements. Nursing homes are expensive, and the way she’s deteriorating—her change in personality is a bit alarming—and her advanced age means she should not and cannot live in her home for much longer without full-time care.” floydfan
6. AITJ For Declining To Help My Old Music Club After Being Booted By The New Board?
“I (21M) have been part of my uni’s music club for a little more than a year up until this September.
I first auditioned as a guitarist and got in around September 2023. Because of the connections I have in the music scene here (I’ve been very involved in the music industry since I was 14) I helped provide certain things for free that weren’t available to the club before (sound engineers, studio time, access to certain events, etc.) that I agreed to with the board at the time, and I decided to keep my involvement on the low because it would undermine the board a bit and might cause problems.
The issue started when a new board was elected this semester, and it just so happens that the new president is someone who belonged to the same friend group within the club, which eventually broke up, and we fell into two different sides. We will be calling her Emma to make things easier.
As soon as Emma got elected, she decided to kick us out for “being problematic,” and that was that. At first, I thought about cutting them off right after I was out, but some of my friends were still part of the club and already had performances planned, and I didn’t want to ruin it for them.
So I waited until the first event was done around late October, and I talked to my contacts and told them that I would no longer be working with that club and thanked them for all the help.
About a week after that, I got a call from the old president, who told me that Emma called her and asked her to talk to the sound engineers because they don’t want to talk to them anymore and aren’t interested in working with them.
That’s when she told them about our deal. Surely enough, I got an email that afternoon saying that I was invited to a meeting with the board to discuss club activities I had been involved in over the past year. Without going into what ended up being a two-hour meeting, they basically asked me for help and said that they couldn’t keep the club running without it, as it would cost them a lot of money they don’t have, and that they were willing to have me back.
I said no.
The following week, word got out, and I was bombarded with messages from members of the club telling me that it’s not fair for me to punish them for what the board members did to me. My friends, both those still in the club and those who were kicked out with me, are all on my side, though I can feel that some are disappointed they won’t be able to perform anymore.
I do believe that since I’m not in the club anymore, I don’t have to provide any help to them, but hearing the members’ reactions and seeing my friends react that way as well makes me feel like I might be the jerk here.
So, AITJ for refusing to help out my old music club after they kicked me out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like a classic case of mess around, find out. If you are still interested in participating with your friends, tell them you’ll come back if Emma and all her minions resign. If not, wash your hands of it; it sounds like you have plenty of opportunities to play music.
Hopefully, this will also be a lesson for everyone involved that music is a small world and petty crap like this has real costs and they should all grow up.” MidnightPositive485
Another User Comments:
“The Club existed before you. Why does Emma tell everyone she can’t keep the Club running now that you withdrew the perks they had for a year?
Maybe Emma is not the right fit for the Board, and the Club members should look into her direction, not yours. NTJ; tell every Club member to get lost if they cry or ramble, or to vote for a New Board that can keep the Club running?” MasterpieceOk4688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The friends who are disappointed are not your real friends. Where were they when the new board was elected? Why weren’t they loudly on your side, and why didn’t they loudly proclaim that you were doing all these things for the club for free?
They just expected you to take disrespect and still use your help and contacts?” LifeAsksAITA
5. AITJ For Calling A Client's Middle Manager By His First Name?
“I (21, male) work as an auditor, and there’s a guy in the client’s middle management—let’s call him Rakesh—who I work with regularly. He’s in his 50s, and I’ve always just addressed him by his first name, and I never thought anything of it.
One day, a colleague (who is also lower management) pulled me aside in front of Rakesh and a few others and said I shouldn’t call him just by his first name. They said I should show him more respect and use “sir” when talking to him, especially since he’s older and in a higher position.
This was in front of Rakesh, so it was pretty awkward.
I don’t think I disrespected Rakesh. I have always respected everyone in the workplace, but I’m wondering if I missed something culturally or professionally.
So, AITJ for calling him by his first name, or should I have known better?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: where are you and what do others in your client’s office do? I’m not sure any of us can answer that without more cultural context that’s very specific to your location and workplace. The unspoken rules around this are wildly different in the US to the UK for example, and the type of workplace matters as well – it’d be very different in an office to in a school classroom, for example, but the norm here would be to use first name unless specifically required not to.
A good rule of thumb is to go by what people sign their emails with – if it’s their full name then you should ask if they prefer their first or last name, but if it’s just their first name then take their cue from that on whether to use a nickname or their full name (e.g. if they sign it Dan then it’s probably fine to call them Dan but if they sign it Daniel then address them as Daniel).
That said, if you want to address this, the best way is to just take Rakesh aside and apologize if he felt disrespected by you calling him by his first name and ask him how he would prefer to be addressed in the future. And then just ignore whatever other colleagues say and follow his preference because them feeling uncomfortable with it is not relevant.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“I mean I can only speak for the US. The only time I’ve been required to call anyone Sir or Mr. So-and-so was when I was in a religious cult and it was a requirement. Never in my professional career has anyone said that it’s some kind of requirement to address elders or upper management sir or ma’am.
Every company I’ve worked at in the last 20 years CEOs have been on a first-name basis with us lower-level workers.” Outside_Narwhal3784
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why don’t you ask Rakesh what he prefers to be called? I call absolutely everyone by their given name… coworkers, bosses, friends, doctors, my dentist, lawyers, judges, the mayor… anyone (ok, I would call a judge ‘Judge’ or ‘your honor’ if I was in a case in his court).
A neighbor down the street is actually a major general in the Army. To me he is just Sam. ONCE I did have a doctor tell me ‘I’d prefer you call me Dr. Such-and-such.’ I countered with ‘That’s totally fair and more than fine.
You can call me Dr. MyLastName.’ He didn’t know I had a doctorate (no reason for him to know). He just kinda smiled and said ‘Actually, Bob is fine.'” LawyerDad1981
4. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Putting His Feet In My Face?
“My (F22) partner (M24) likes to lay on the couch with his legs on top of mine. While we were lying on the couch today, he continuously put his feet in my face. Every time I asked him, “Can you please stop putting your feet in my face?
You know I don’t like that,” he laughed and continued to put his feet in my face until I started to push him away.
I once again asked him kindly to keep his feet out of my face. He continued to put his feet in my face a few more times while I asked him to stop, before I got angry and sort of angrily said to him to stop and leave me alone.
He got upset and said, “Jesus, I was just playing around,” and is now upset that I got angry. AITJ in this situation. I feel I made myself clear in a good manner before I got upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave this man. He intentionally did something he knows you don’t like; you asked him to stop, he didn’t, you got angry and then he acted like the victim and got angry at you, and now you’re questioning yourself.
Seriously, leave him. This incident may feel very small, but it shows that he has no respect for you saying no.” OverzealousMachine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But also, it’s good as a couple to have a way of essentially saying “Hey, this is annoying me in a non-fun way.
I need you to stop doing it or I’m going to get upset.” And maybe you did say it, and he just didn’t listen. But also, sometimes couples do things that “annoy” the other person, and it is a bit of a game. Like when I’m getting ready to fall asleep and my eyes are closed, my wife likes to put her face super close to mine so I can feel her, and then when I open my eyes she’s making a scary face.
It’s annoying, yes. But it’s also a weird thing she likes to do and whatever. Part of the “fun” for her is my annoyance. There are some nights where, yes, it’s a little annoying but the amount it makes me annoyed is less than the amount of happiness it brings her, so I play along.
“Oh, ugh, I can feel your breath, ewww, stop.” Other times I might be really tired and so I’ll just straight up say “Hey, too tired for that game tonight, please let me sleep.” And then, that’s that.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! He thinks he is allowed to torment you as much as he wants for as long as it amuses him.
You are not allowed to spoil his fun, and you’re bad if you dare to try. He’s a childish jerk who gets a kick out of being a pita. Do you want to keep putting up with his deliberately provoking nonsense? Why? You could always dump him and go on to find a lovely relationship with a great, mature, well-balanced person.
Good luck!” Senior-Reality-25
3. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Cousin That His Behavior Drives The Family Away?
“A few years ago, I met my partner’s cousin (on his dad’s side) for the first time when he came to visit our city (we live on different coasts).
I quickly realized this was the type of person I would never hang out with normally, but I was cordial. My partner acknowledged, “Yeah, Fred’s a lot of fun but he can be a bit much.”
About a year ago we moved to my partner’s hometown and have been spending time with his family here (all on his mother’s side) and his childhood friends.
Coincidentally, his cousin moved here also for work and the family welcomed him warmly, eager to spend time with this cousin they didn’t know very well. At first, he would be invited to all the things, but over time I noticed he was left out more and more.
My partner would ask, “Hey, where’s Fred?” and people would groan and make faces. Turns out that I’m not the only one that doesn’t like being around him. He was still invited to Thanksgivings and big events like weddings, but for casual family get-togethers like a game night or Sunday brunch, people have left him out.
And this is a family that does a lot together.
He has noticed and actually messaged me asking if I knew why the family isn’t including him in things. I guess he sees me as another “outsider” so feels a connection. WIBTJ if I told him the truth?
Because the truth is that most people don’t like his personality. He’s loud, abrasive, pushy, and inconsiderate. If you call him out on any of that, he will just say he’s “fierce” and people need to learn how to deal with it. He changes the energy of any event he gets invited to.
When my partner said he could be “fun” it’s because he will be the loud one at a bar or club, trying to push people to dance, do shots (or substances), or do karaoke, etc. He will loudly criticize you for ordering a menu item or drink that he disapproves of.
He doesn’t respect other people’s preferences, and like myself, my partner’s family is mainly introverted. We don’t need to “come out of our shell” and we know what we like or don’t like. We’re not kids (all the adults are in their 40s).
An example is when we all went to a museum with Grandma and the kids.
There was a very cool sculpture that had a rope and a sign around it to keep people from getting too close. He wanted a group selfie and insisted we duck under the rope to get it. None of us were comfortable with that, but he kept insisting.
A few of us started to walk away and he called us lame. And then he laughed it off cause he saw that behavior as him being edgy and charming. The last time I was out with him, he sent back his drink order twice because “Sweetheart, this isn’t how I like my old fashioned.” On top of that, he’s often 45+ minutes late to everything.
I don’t know how to answer his question except with the truth: Your personality and behavior just don’t mesh well with most people and we just don’t enjoy having you around. So WIBTJ if I do? Or should I just say that I don’t know?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but I don’t think it would work out well for you. He’s not going to like the answer, and he’s going to consider that the answer came from the whole family, because you are telling him why they’re making the decisions they are.
And then he will be mad at them, probably quite loudly. Plus, you don’t have the right to speak for them. If you want to tell him why you don’t invite him when you host, that is your right but will probably still get you into trouble.
Your best bet here is to say you can’t speak for other people, and he needs to ask the family members who are making these decisions why he is excluded. And then I would give your in-laws a heads up. Really, someone ought to tell him.
It would be a kindness. But you shouldn’t speak for other people.” GAB104
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if you would be considered the jerk, but I strongly recommend you tell him to ask his family directly. He may feel like an outsider and he is being excluded, but you’re “only” a partner to him being immediate family.
If you tell him the reason and he explodes, he will either direct his anger towards you or his family. Or worse, he will tell the family that it was you who told him so that people will feel that it was you who put them on the spot.
You can tell him that you noticed that he was missing the previous get-togethers, but to ask some of his immediate family for the reason because you don’t know. Because the thing is: if Fred is really such a tool as you described, I’ll take the bet that he’s not going to respond well even if you tell him gently and directly.
It’s always the “just being honest” edge lords who get upset at criticism, ironically.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ but he has to already know this. And be defensive and obnoxious about it, because that’s who he is. It’s more reasonable to direct him to ask the person who didn’t invite him to something specific (although it feels cruel to pass the buck to someone you like).
You can also be very shrinky about it and ask him what he thinks the reason is. You can also give very specific examples of the things he has done to ostracize the family (and you). But he won’t change, and will just be angry with you no matter what answer (or non-answer) you give.
Sorry. Most families have to deal with a Fred.” Tangerine_Bouquet
2. AITJ For Laughing At My American Friend's Sunburn After He Refused Sunscreen?
“I’m from Brisbane, and my friend from the USA came down and visited a few days ago.
The first day, we went to the beach in the evening, and I pointed out that if we were going in the day, he needed to put on sunscreen. He didn’t believe me and said something along the lines of “back where I’m from, nobody really wears sunscreen, it’s just the sun, it can’t really hurt you!” I pointed out his skin is very, VERY pale and it will be burnt to a CRISP if he doesn’t put on sunscreen, and he said “Yeah but I overheard someone say it’s only going to be 30 degrees tomorrow, that’s like really cold.
If it’s that cold surely I don’t need sunscreen.” I tried to explain to him the difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit as well as explaining that the temperature isn’t what gives you a sunburn, but I ended up realizing he was probably really jet-lagged and sleep-deprived and so his brain probably wasn’t working as well as it normally does – he’d just been on a flight.
The next day we went to the beach again, and while we were walking there I asked if he put on sunscreen. He said no, and that he was a “real tough man” and could handle the sun, and even made a remark insinuating that Australians are weak for putting on sunscreen.
I offered him some of my sunscreen and he declined. Despite this, we had a good time at the beach.
However, the next day we had planned to go to the movies, and I noticed that he was burnt ALL OVER HIS BODY. Like he was bright red and obviously in pain from having his skin cooked by the sun.
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing, and I said “Bro, you should have just put on some sunscreen, then you wouldn’t look like a big beetroot,” and he did NOT like being compared to a root vegetable while he was in pain from his full-body sunburn, and he chose to cancel the movies trip until I became “less annoying.” I went back home, and couldn’t resist the urge to comment on social media on one of his pictures from the beach trip the day before, and I commented “Did you get a nice tan?””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend is an idiot and got rightfully mocked for being one. First, he seemingly doesn’t know what Celsius is, then he tries to act all macho by saying he doesn’t need sunscreen, then gets all upset when he ends up getting sunburnt and you make a relatively tame joke at his expense?
And his ego was so fragile that he canceled spending time with you, a friend he flew across the ocean to see that he only has limited time with? He got what he deserved, maybe he’ll finally learn his lesson.” Kevin7650
Another User Comments:
“What part of the US is this person supposedly from? Because unless he is from, say, Seattle, this sounds made up, complete with the stereotype ugly American “real man” who then gets his comeuppance. Except that large parts of the US are also warm and sunny and people routinely put on sunscreen, so like this story sounds a bit suss.” fatguyfromqueens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Some people just think they know better than others. This happened to my wife’s aunt who visited from Europe (I am in New Zealand so our sun is similarly brutal). No convincing would get her to put on sunscreen. Instead, she put on olive oil to help her tan.
No matter what my wife, SIL, MIL, or FIL said to her, she simply wouldn’t believe them: ‘I tan, I don’t burn.’, ‘I go to the beach all the time.’, ‘You probably should stop using sunscreen – it will make you pale.’ Anyway, the result was as expected – she got so burned she couldn’t lie down properly to sleep for the two nights and it took a week for the burn to start fading.
She spent the first four days sitting indoors applying all sorts of creams and lotions instead of going out. Honestly, you warned your friend and he ignored you, then made fun of you. Turnabout is fair play.” VoltesVoltron
1. AITJ For Demanding A Reasonable Arrival Time From My FIL?
“My FIL is staying with us for 3 weeks over the holidays, which I already find is an unacceptable length but whatever.
He told us he was planning on coming up this weekend from FL (he will be driving). My wife asked him what time he thinks he might be arriving and he said 1 am. I said that is unacceptable and that he should leave at a different time or stop along the way and get a hotel.
We have 2 young children, 8 months and 3.5 years old. The guest bedroom my FIL will be staying in requires him to walk past their rooms. The last thing I need is him coming at 1 am, making all sorts of noise, and waking up everyone.
My wife was talking to my FIL and she was pushing back a little bit, and I kept quiet until he said “there’s another way of looking at this: a man coming to visit his family.” Like, we are lucky to be graced with his presence.
I had to chime in and say “no, 1 am is unacceptable.” He replies “you’re entitled to your opinion.” The conversation got a bit heated after that comment, resulting in him agreeing to arrive at a normal time.
Now my wife is trying to guilt trip me into being the bad guy for making him arrive at a normal time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My buddy drove around eight hours to see family and he got in at like 2 or 3 am, and all they did was have one family member stay up to wait for the arrival while everyone else slept. They weren’t upset about the arrival time – they were excited he was coming to visit.
I don’t understand the issue. If there’s an agreement that is a late time to show up, only one person may be awake when FIL shows up, and he needs to be quiet since everyone’s asleep. The biggest annoyance would be if y’all had to work the next day and this was way too inconvenient, and then I’d be inclined to agree, but going through the house late at night doesn’t seem like a big enough deal to have arguments over it or cause a scene.” neckbeardfedoras
Another User Comments:
“It feels like there is more to the dynamic. To me, if my parents or my in-laws were arriving at a late hour, my husband or I would wait or wake up to greet them and help them get settled. Neither set of parents would be loudly bumbling by our kids’ room and waking them up.
I don’t know if your kids are extremely light sleepers, your walls are paper thin, your FIL is an excessively loud man or a combo. Or maybe that’s not really a key issue here after all. Not sure. I’d rather our parents come to our house than head to a hotel at such an hour because I’d worry about them.
I don’t know how long the drive is and am taking it in good faith that FIL has logical reasons for the drive time.
For my fam, more relatives fly versus drive. We are a close family and everyone tries to find the most convenient travel times, but also sometimes ticket costs and such lead to odd arrival times.
For us, no biggie. We adjust. But that’s built into our family dynamic and may not be built into yours. (I’d also LOVE three weeks for a visit. That feels like a treat. But again I recognize my family dynamics aren’t necessarily that of others.) Ultimately, it’s your and your wife’s house, so you should jointly decide this matter.
I’m curious about her take on all this. If she is unhappy as you say (guilt tripping you into being the bad guy), there may be more to it than we can see here. For instance, I’d be upset if I welcomed my parents’ arrival at whatever time and my husband was overruling me, so to speak.
I’d also be upset if my husband spoke to my parents in a disrespectful manner even if the general message was one with which I agreed. Not saying this is what happened in the scenario with your wife; we don’t know that. But noting that there may be reasons why your wife is upset that aren’t about “inconveniencing” your FIL.
I hope this smooths out and you can enjoy family time, OP. Take care and happy holidays.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“In most families I’m familiar with, people will arrive at all times of day and night during the holidays, especially if they are traveling from a long way.
Not being allowed to walk past your kids’ rooms? Really? If you are worried about noise, you can ask him to pack an essentials bag and ONLY bring that past the kids’ rooms until the morning. If you feel the need to be up to greet him, don’t.
He’s being overly familiar by arriving late at night, you are permitted to do the same by letting your wife handle greeting her father (another common custom: the closest relation hosting greets the inconvenient guest). It’s not the end of the world, he means no disrespect, let him know the family schedule so he can be helpful.
YTJ.” sonny_carpenter
