People Wonder Who's In The Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Blocking My Family After A Trip?
“I moved from Minnesota to Alabama to live with my stepdad after becoming homeless at 16. Most of my family still resides in central MN, only my mom, 2 of my 6 siblings, and my mom’s husband live close to me in Alabama. My cousins suggested I should come to see them since my brother had already visited Alabama a few times, I said, ‘sure, why not?’ I bought a plane ticket, gave them the dates, scheduled a 40 block of vacation with work, and I was set.
A month later I take my 4-hour 350-dollar flight up to Minnesota after waking up at 3 am and driving 2 hours to the airport. I make it to Minnesota finally and will now spend the next 4 days in my dead Grandmother’s foreclosed house because the cousins I came to visit are now going out of state all week. For context my brother still stays at the forclosed house we grew up in as he is setting up to buy a house and wanted to save rent money, it’s taken so long with naming an executor, selling, dividing the estate, etc.
As I am not old enough to rent a car I will spend my first 4 days of vacation scrolling through my phone, chasing ladies on the internet, and playing with my brother’s dog while he was at work, all in an empty house with a few chairs in it. Now I didn’t come to visit my brother, he simply offered I stay with him since there will be no one at my cousin’s house for the week.
Friday comes and my cousins finally pick me up to go to their middle of nowhere one intersection city house… the weekend is here and the first cousin I see ends up staying at her partner’s house until after I leave, and the second cousin I see spends most of the weekend going out with his girl, the last cousin spends the weekend with me mostly asking and obviously annoyed, ‘what do you want to do now?’
After exhausting what little he has offered for us to do we play video games with each other, something we could have easily done while I was in Alabama. Sunday night they are telling me what time they need to take me back to my grandma’s because they have to work in the morning, I ask the cousin who spent the weekend with his girl if he’d like to take tomorrow off to hang out since he was busy with her all weekend.
He agrees and the next day consists of me playing random Xbox games and scrolling on my phone. I fly home the next day…
I don’t host often but when I do I plan accordingly for my guest, they are visiting in an unfamiliar place with little to no access to their belongings. Why would I expect them to be making up all the plans and setting up the days for us?
Do people expect that from their guests?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve visited family many times and mostly we don’t do anything special. It’s just talking, eating, and watching the occasional tv show. They live in a small town where not much happens.
I think blocking your cousins is a bit excessive. You don’t live near them. You can always be busy when they contact you.
Slight YTJ.” pedestrianstripes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Family’s great, aren’t they? Stick to the ones that love you and show you that through their actions, not just words.” Aggravating_Law_1315
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they were super rude and inconsiderate. I definitely wouldn’t waste my time or money to visit again!” NeomiahsMom314
24. AITJ For Busting A Kid At A Gas Station?
“At the age of 19, I worked at a small gas bar on the overnight shift til 4 am. I still remember this van pulling up and filling up the tank when this kid comes in, must be no older than 15, and says ‘I just got gas do you need my ID or something so I can pay it?’ I said sure and took his ID and went out back to ‘check it’.
The kid was only 14 and that was his mom’s van out there, called the RCMP who were only a few minutes up the road, and saw about 10 people pile out of that van running when the cops showed up. The kid looked at me and yelled ‘YOU’RE A RAT.’ I hit the button to lock the door on the other side of the glass.
‘I may be a rat but I saved someone from being run over by an idiot like you without a license.’ Was extremely happy to see that kid carted off.
After that, he got a slap on the wrist and I kept in touch with him through his mom (friend of the family). He’s now going to uni for a medical doctorate and gonna have a good life.”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously you weren’t the jerk. Imagine if you hadn’t busted him and there had been a horrible crash and you had come here and said ‘AITJ for not calling the cops on this kid before he had run over 10 people in his mom’s van?’
It sounds like he was being a little jerk so it’s great he’s doing well.” Diarygirl
Another User Comments:
“Stopping illegal activity in progress never makes you a jerk. Particularly when the safety of a child is at stake.” missshrimptoast
23. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Friend For Using My Social Media Account?
“In 2013 (around June) my friend and I got into a fight over not letting him borrow 5 dollars so in return he made a social media account claiming he was me. I didn’t know about this until 3 days after when I received 17 text messages from my friends wanting to fight because he cussed them out with that account.
I got everything cleared up with my friends and a couple of them beat him up but that’s beside the point. I didn’t talk to him even though he would text and even come to my house but I would ignore it. Around August, he stopped trying to talk but yesterday he texted me saying he was sorry and he wanted to come over. I didn’t reply.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“So your friend started a whole bunch of mess because you wouldn’t lend him (a small amount of) money, and you decide that he’s not a friend worth keeping around as a result. That seems reasonable. You are not a jerk for refusing to talk to him. It would be big of you to forgive him and give him another chance, but not doing that (IMO) doesn’t make you a jerk.
Sounds like a ‘made your bed, sleep in it’ situation for the former friend.” the-incredible-ape
Another User Comments:
“No, and your ‘friend’ is not a friend at all. He’s a vindictive frenemy at best. You can forgive him, but NEVER FORGET that he can’t be trusted.
At this point, the best strategy for a reduced-drama existence is to cut people like this out of your life.
You don’t need narcissistic vindictive drama-mongers pinching you for funds and starting a petty argument when they don’t get what they want.
You are not the jerk, but if you are stupid enough to take him back and trust him again, you ARE a fool.” supershinythings
22. AITJ For Being Upset That The Girl I Like Is Into My Friend?
“So, I’ve been speaking to this girl from my college course for about two weeks. We never really talked much before. We have been constantly on the phone with each other and we really hit it off. We both talked about the future and our past etc. She seemed really into me at first and we were planning on going out. She then backed off because I am younger than her.
The thing is I’m only under a year younger than her, I’m 17 she’s 18.
Last Friday a group of us went out to celebrate finishing our college course. She was being extremely flirty with one of my friends. Long story short they both kissed and it felt like a massive kick to the balls. Am I a jerk for being mad at her? I think the reason why I’m mad/upset with her is that she knew I really liked her.
I’m also mad at my friend because he knew I liked her.”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re wrong at all but I wouldn’t be mad at her about it. She made her feelings quite clear to you that she thinks you’re too young. Chicks like older guys because of a general lack of maturity in and around those years. You could see this as an opportunity to act mature about it and just keep a distance and focus on your own life.
You demonstrate that you’re a good guy and can talk to girls. Use this skill set on someone else. Please don’t continue chasing her. You’re just gonna get hurt.” Bohemiantraveller
Another User Comments:
“In this situation, you are only a jerk if you lash out at the two of them, or if you change how you act around them because they kissed. Feeling the pangs of unrequited love/lust is completely normal, and unfortunately, it’s something that you’re just going to have to live with for a little while.
Hopefully while not being a jerk to either of them.” fifthpilgrim
Another User Comments:
“Just because you like someone/your friends knows you like someone, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to that person. She doesn’t wanna be with you. You have no right to be mad. (unless your friend/the girl intentionally did it to hurt you – but she didn’t lead you on, and told you she wasn’t going to pursue the relationship).
That being said, it’s natural to feel hurt. It sucks that it happened right in front of you (I’m assuming). You’re not a jerk for feeling hurt, but you would be a jerk if you lashed out at them for it.” User
A lot of girls have been trained socially to act interested when people talk, because it's considered rude not to. Boys on the other hand are encouraged to interpret any show of attention or interest on a girl's part as a prelude to s****l feelings. Ntj for having feelings, but you see the problem here? YWBTJ if you take this any further for any reason. Especially if (my suspicion) she thought a nice friendship was developing between you, then realized from something said it was only about getting into her pants, for you.
21. AITJ For Telling My Friends I Won't Hang Out With Them Until They Drop The Guy I Can't Tolerate?
“There is one guy (Let’s call him ‘Fred’) who likes one of my friends and sometimes hangs out with us. Fred is insufferable.
He is a self-proclaimed ‘social justice warrior’ and is ‘triggered’ by EVERYTHING. He is civil to all of my friends, but he hates me for some reason. He has called me a ‘despicable monster’ for eating veal and went on a tirade about how cruel the veal industry is and how everyone who’s not a vegetarian hates animals.
My friends and I all are into fandoms (specifically Doctor Who and Homestuck), and so is Fred. Whenever I talk about ships I don’t like, Fred says something along the lines of ‘People take that ship very seriously.
You really shouldn’t talk about it like that.’ He is hindering my ability to converse freely with my friends. The last straw was when Fred insulted me for being born without a sense of smell.
My friends were complaining about a bad smell in the room, and I jokingly said that they were ‘triggering’ me. Fred LOST IT. He started yelling about how that’s not a real disability and that I am very privileged to not be blind or deaf or something more severe.
I told him that even if it doesn’t significantly affect my life, I am still MISSING A FREAKING SENSE! Fred wouldn’t take any of that. He started SCREAMING about how I’m SO PRIVILEGED and some other shenanigans. I was so annoyed, that I told my friends I wouldn’t be seeing them anymore unless Fred left. He hasn’t. I haven’t seen my friends in a week because of this.
We still communicate, but I would like to see them in person again without this jerk. Am I the jerk for not tolerating Fred?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk. But you should make an effort to befriend Fred. One thing we all know about SJWs is that their beliefs are fueled by a sincere longing for social equality and the well-being of all people.
They are absolutely NOT narcissistic attention seekers who piggyback onto seemingly noble causes to socially signal high moral status. Obviously, Fred’s quickness to anger and hypersensitivity is caused by his passion, not insecurities and a delicate self-image.
So, connect with him on that level. He clearly believes strongly in the issue of privilege. Invite him and your friends to volunteer with you to tutor underprivileged at-risk young minorities.
People with his kind of moral fortitude will have no problem in situations that would make the vast majority of middle-class privileged whites extremely uncomfortable. I’m sure he would find volunteering at youth corrections facilities, homeless shelters, or even rehab centers to be extremely rewarding. You two can bond and your friends will see the kind of person Fred really is.” Barely_Intrepid
Another User Comments:
“From your writing style, it seems you’re pretty dramatic yourself. Your triggering joke was really horrible and you don’t seem to want to understand Fred’s point of view at all which is something you should really try to do.
A few questions, are all of your other friends vegetarians, or has he only told you that you automatically hate animals? Why do they seem to like him but you despise him?
Also triggering has to do with disorders, not disabilities. You say he’s ‘triggered by everything’ and then say he barks at you for using it which shows me you don’t really know how to use that word.
If you still want to see your friends without Fred, just set up meetups without inviting him. Not being near him is your right, but it’s your job to avoid him in the end.
I had a falling out with a friend and never wanted to talk to him ever again, told my friends such, and found ways to hang out with them without the ex-friend. It doesn’t seem like Fred is a huge part of your group, but friends don’t like getting between other friends. Don’t do that to yours or you won’t have any.” User
Another User Comments:
“I think this is the only problematic part:
‘I told my friends I wouldn’t be seeing them anymore unless Fred left.’
That approach really only hurts you and puts your friends in an awkward position. You’ve also (perhaps unintentionally) given them an ultimatum, which probably didn’t make you very popular.
Try to arrange an outing yourself, and invite who you want, perhaps. Or just try to minimize contact w/ Fred by avoiding him.
You could also try having a talk with him directly.” ShadowMe2
20. AITJ For Denying A Customer A Smoothie?
“So the thing is that I’m the shift leader in my fast food restaurant and this particular day we had a lot of customers and more than usual new employees. So everything is not going as smooth (pun not intended) as possible and the queue was starting to get longer and longer so I made the decision to stop making smoothies, as it took valuable time to make them.
At the time I was the only one on my shift who knew how to make them, and I had new employees that I had to constantly check up on to make sure they did everything correctly and we had a lot of smoothie orders.
I told my employees to let the customers know that we were all out of smoothies, even though that was a lie.
The reason was that I did not want customers asking why we couldn’t sell it because the queues were pretty long at this point in time, and they would just become even longer.
Then this one guy comes up to the counter and orders a smoothie. The employee lets him know that we are ‘all out’ of smoothies, but the customer is not satisfied and wants to talk to his supervisor (me).
I get over there telling him the same thing but then he does the unexpected. He points at the smoothie mixes that are clearly visible from the counter and says to me that he hates it when people lie to him. At this point, I just changed my reasoning for not selling smoothies because I know I can’t just give one customer special treatment, even though technically I could easily have done it.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s all perspective. From that guy’s point of view? Yeah, you were a huge jerk. To the people who got their food a little faster? You weren’t, and they might have thought you were all jerks if you got backed up on smoothies. The big question is, is corporate going to think you’re a jerk?
Being in charge means sometimes you have to be a jerk.
You don’t have infinite resources and a magic wand, sometimes things happen, and sometimes you’re put in an unwinnable situation (your GM was the real jerk, scheduling a bunch of new hires on a holiday weekend). Yeah, you should have come up with a better lie. Unplug the thing next time.
But in the end, either choice would have made you a jerk to someone.
You did what you had to do (I would have done the same thing, and I’ve been in restaurants for two decades). So yes, you were a jerk, but you had to be. You were the lesser of two jerks.” User
Another User Comments:
“It’s true that in the retail and fast food industries, one often has to tell white lies in order to keep the largely unsympathetic and impatient population happy.
I’d have come up with a better lie. Say, the smoothie machine is overheated or requires a replacement part, or that it needs cleaning. Not a jerk in my opinion.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“To the customer, you were since they came for a product to which was denied to them despite it being available.
However, a supervisor has to ensure that his branch is operating effectively and you were merely doing your best to hold that.
I’d say that you chose the lesser evil.” YvonnePewPew
19. AITJ For Being Rude To My Annoying Sister?
“My sister and I are living together, and we occasionally get into fights.
I am a not very social person and don’t have a good filter, on top of being very honest and frank, so sometimes I say things that people find rude.
I don’t have a calendar, but these fights tend to happen about four weeks apart if you catch my drift.
I’ll include a few examples so you know what I mean.
One time we are walking around the city talking about rom-coms. She says something to the effect of being like a female lead of a rom-com in some respects. I say the only difference is that she weighs more than one. Which I meant as an attack on beauty standards not on her personally (She is a little overweight, but I’m sure some would find her attractive.
She has also recently worked very hard to lose weight). She was very insulted by that. I tried to clarify, but she continued being upset.
Another time, she was talking about an upcoming trip of hers she is very excited about. Our conversation drifts from her trip to other topics until we get into a quite heated argument about memories. She later asks me why we are even talking about things like this instead of her trip.
Which she apparently meant as a way to change the topic, but I mistook it for an actual question. I answer that honestly, I’m not all that interested in her trip.
She is very upset by that and interprets it as not caring about her as a person. I try to clarify that I don’t mind listening about her trip, but I just find our other discussions more interesting.
She’s having none of it.
Even an hour later she is still so mad she refused to give me some of her cookies. I had to drink my chocolate milk without cookies like an animal.
It just seems to increase like she wants me to walk on eggshells every time I talk to her (which is a lot).
Am I really being that rude, or does she just not have thick skin?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to learn to count to ten before answering. I’m pretty bad at the whole no-filter thing and saying things that could be hurtful without meaning them to be so. Sometimes you have to give a little in relationships with people, which means when they are super excited about something, you take the time to enter in that joy with them, even if you aren’t actually involved with that something.
Because their happiness is important to you.
If you really can’t feel things, life will be smoother if you can at least learn to fake and simulate ‘correct’ behavior.” Lamenardo
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you sound pretty rude. The examples you gave aren’t trivial, I think most people would be at least a little upset about them.
Also, describing yourself as honest and frank, with no filter, makes you sound like you know you can be rude, and don’t really care.
Just so you know.” StruffBunstridge
Another User Comments:
“You’re a jerk. I wouldn’t give you any cookies either. So there.” User
18. AITJ For Not Paying My Ex Back?
“When I (28M) was going out with my ex (21F) I borrowed $90 from her. I then got dumped for my best mate and lied to for 8 months until a friend of hers told me.
I offered to pay her back when we broke up and she said not to worry about it. We paid for each other’s stuff all the time and consider it even. Three years later, last weekend, we were at a friend’s birthday and she tells me that I still owe her the money. Am I the jerk for not paying her back?”
Another User Comments:
“So, the way she looks at honesty and character is to lie, yet she asks you to uphold standards that she could not live up to. You are for sure not the jerk. But depending on how the relationship was and who in it held the heavier financial responsibility I would say your Karma is off the hook if you were the one in general picking up the bill.
If not and if you care about showing who is the bigger person, I would pay her back.” _Gwink_
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. After 3 years, she should get over $90, especially since she said not to bother at the time AND she behaved very badly in the relationship. Honestly, she probably brought that up with you because it was either her dumb way of joking or more likely, she knows she was a witch to you and relieves some of her cognitive dissonances by reminding herself of the money.” girlseekstribe
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, if she didn’t need it, she wouldn’t be asking. Do I think you should pay it back? No. But if you have it, and you can spare it, give her back her $90. I don’t think you’re a jerk, though, either way. Having been ‘the girl’ in this situation before, she’s probably just fishing. For an amount less than $100, she can eat it.
Cost of doing business.” snuffyboots
17. AITJ If I Don't Want To Listen To My Sister's Advice?
“My sister pulled me out of a trashy living situation when I was 16 (she is quite a bit older than me) and I lived with her until I was 19.
When I moved out of her place she was upset that I wasn’t going to college and instead moved in with my partner half a state away. Now I’m 22 and she is still pushing the college issue and trying to get me to move back with her. I feel like I should do what she says because in a way she saved my life or at least made it what it is today, but I just really don’t want to go to college or live in the town she is in.
I feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you aren’t. She might be trying her best to fill in for a parent, and she feels it’s her responsibility to encourage you to go to college, whether you are doing ok without it or not. Sometimes it’s really hard for parents to see their children as anywhere near grown-up – and it’s much harder for older siblings when they feel responsible for you.
She might be a bit smothering because older siblings often are. They haven’t a clue what to do, but they’re trying their best to do what they think they should, and it tends to be drilled into people that no college = no career or opportunities.” Lamenardo
Another User Comments:
“You ain’t a jerk, just another person who wants to live their life the way they see fit.
However, she is concerned with your future and feels that college really enhances it.
Just think about the long-term aspect of your life and see if college would really help improve it or not. Some people I know choose not to continue their education once they reach working age, but end up regretting it when they realize that they have become stagnant as the ladder only goes so far without a degree, etc.” YvonnePewPew
Another User Comments:
“You’re not. Just because she helped you doesn’t mean that she should alter your huge life choices. I see this a lot. A younger person feels in debt to someone who helped them. And then base decisions that will greatly affect their lives on what will make the person that helped them happy. Do your own thing, live your own life and you’ll be happier.
I would advise going to college but what do I know. I don’t know you, I’m just some jerk on the Internet. But live your own life dude.” Strackles
16. AITJ For Not Respecting My Mom's Partner?
“I (16) have had a tough life, my father never really was a father and I’ve experienced a lot of bad things because of him.
I’ve had to learn from a very young age to be a better person and a more mature person. So it’s easy to say that I never really saw the need for a fatherly figure nor the want. I’ve had to learn how to stand up for myself and how to protect not just my person but my mentality.
That’s not really the problem though, my mother’s partner (49M) let’s call him S and I have always had a power struggle.
I had no qualms with him and even got along with him but things had gone downhill recently after people started demanding me to accept him as a father which already strained the relationship we had seeing as S and I almost constantly started fighting about things around the house or just myself as a person (ex. Like being homophobic or belittling me when I had a problem with him saying mean things about me or my friends.)
Usually, when this happens I generally avoid him and any conflict possible until both of us have calmed down, but he had taken things a bit far this time. He had said a few things that he knew I had a sore spot about and then continued to only rub salt in the wounds, as much as I wish I could tell you exactly what he said, I can’t because so much since then has happened I’m not even sure I’ll be saying the right thing… anyway, all this had happened and I had had the bright idea to ask my mother for help in dealing with it, with him.
Lo and behold mid convo with my mother, S shows up and storms in claiming that ‘I am just a child and that I WILL give him respect!’ as much as I would like to say I didn’t start crying, I did. As mentioned before I had a tough life with my father and my father happened to be a scarily 6’0 psycho man.
So yeah I was scared of him but I was not going to back down, I had taken a breath and straightforwardly told him ‘that I would NOT give my respect to a man that could not even respect me back or so much as tried to demand it of me.’ He tried to start another long screaming match but I immediately stopped him by saying ‘What?
Did you not expect that? Right? Because I’m just the child that isn’t allowed to speak?’
He angrily repeated what I said, saying that I WAS just the child and that my opinions didn’t matter and I should just shut up. He then continued to tell me that I was a jerk that needed to get off my high horse and needed to be disciplined, and that’s putting what he said PG13.
I was left not being able to say anything as I had no one to take my side. It’s been 4 months and I refuse to show him any respect past a greeting and the occasional thank you, past that we don’t talk at all. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has brought an awful person into your life. Nowhere in your screaming match did you mention her trying to stop it.
I’m so sorry. I hope she apologizes for this one day. The reason you think you’re a jerk is because no one is defending you.
S is terrible. There is no way around it. Demanding respect while being very mean and threatening violence is not OK. But it’s not right when it’s because of a child that you can’t just leave. Never feel bad for thinking you deserve to be treated better or standing up for yourself.
Please get some therapy when you get older and can afford it. Talk about this. Listen to your body. You are going to ball up into a bunch of coping mechanisms and you won’t see where the trauma ends and you begin (hyper independence is a coping mechanism, for example). You’re surviving right now, but there will come a point when you are away from people who’ve hurt you that you’ll need to parent yourself out of survival mode.” Still_Association
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what was your mother doing in all of this? I’m actually in a very similar situation myself, so my best advice is to try to not provoke him, but remember his outbursts and cruel language are his faults. He as a fully grown adult should not speak to you that way and your mother should stick up for you.” beepyfrog
15. AITJ For Abandoning My Mom?
“I 14f am one of 3 kids. I have two older brothers 16 and 19. In October my parents announced their divorce but wouldn’t tell us why. They said they would ‘talk about it when we’re older.’ My brothers and I were annoyed, but my parents wouldn’t budge and didn’t tell us. My dad made it very clear that my mom was the one who wanted the divorce and not him.
After a few weeks, we noticed how none of our extended family was reaching out to my mom, and they all seemed to be mad at her. My brothers and I pieced it together and decided to ask her if she was unfaithful to him.
Before we asked, my brothers and I agreed that if she said yes we would all go live with my dad permanently and go no contact.
When we asked her, first she said they agreed not to talk about it, but then we finally got her to admit it. She did one mistake before any of us were born, and another when I was in fifth grade. After I found out I immediately went upstairs and packed my bags, but then I noticed my brothers weren’t doing the same. I understood why the eldest might not.
He works from home and has a very detailed and specific setup at my mom’s that can’t be moved easily, but the 16-year-old just wasn’t packing. I asked him why not and he said he had ‘a big test at school the next day’ and he thought he would be able to study more if he just stayed there. I said ok and I still went to my dad’s.
We found out about the infidelity in October and it’s now April. I’ve been gone for a little over six months and I don’t know when I plan on going back. My brothers are telling me that I’m being unreasonable and it’s been so long. That I should be at least somewhat moved past it and I need to come home.
AITJ for refusing to come back after what she did?
edit: I’m not doing this to punish my mom. I love her so so much, but she has obviously deeply hurt me. I’ve never been close with her and she was verbally and emotionally awful when I was a kid. I would like to live with her again and I do want to forgive her and heal, but I worry that if I move too fast and come back before I’m ready to be around her I’ll be going back on the process and doing more hurt than help.
Also! I do go to therapy! I have a lovely therapist who supports my decision and helps me communicate with my mom when I need to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While the infidelity in itself may not involve you, the resulting divorce 100% has everything to do with you.
If you don’t want to live with or associate yourself with your adulterous mother, you don’t have to.
You have the freedom to associate and disassociate with whoever you choose, and that includes family.
It is just as much your family as it is your parents, and the divorce affects you as much as it does them. I don’t know the laws exactly, but I believe at your age you can choose to live with whichever parent you want, and you are totally in the right to live with your dad.
Not to pry, but what does your dad think of your decision?
And like I said. I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a thousand times. Do not let anybody tell you their divorce has nothing to do with you. Their actions have consequences on your life, and therefore it had everything to do with you.” PatienceBusy4542
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Your parents seem to be allowing you to choose where you stay as you process things.
It makes sense that your two brothers want their family to be as together as can be but it’s understandable that you want to choose to forgive (or not) at your own pace.” violetdeirdre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t agree with the idea of ‘punishing’ your mom for this. She basically destroyed your family, and you are absolutely allowed to distance yourself from her as you work through your own loss and grief.
I mean, don’t actively try to get back at her by lying or destroying her things or whatever. But going NC for a while isn’t the worst idea. You’re the only one who gets to decide how long you need to get through this.
I don’t see where you say if your mom has reached out to you or not. If she hasn’t, that says a lot.
If she has, then you can meet her halfway when and only when you’re ready.” Rooney_Tuesday
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I understand your feelings about wanting to protect/stand up for your dad. But it has happened. It is done and over and punishing your mom isn’t going to undo any of it.
I hope you won’t let this affect your relationship with your brothers.
They are doing what works for them. You are doing what works for you. The three of you are dealing with the fallout of events that had nothing to do with you and it isn’t fair to you. I hope you can lean on each other.” Not-Creative-0921
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Deal With My Mom's Cancer?
“I’m 21 (just graduated college) and my brother is 17.
My mom and I were estranged for about 8 years until very recently. The reason for this reconnection was that my grandma (mom’s mom) was going through a lot of health issues and with her life’s end as a possible outcome, wished for everyone to set aside their grudges and get along.
I do so to honor my beloved grandma and start talking to my mom again.
A few months pass after we reconcile and we suddenly find out that my mom has stage 4 colon cancer. That same day she is going in for surgery and I book flight tickets to Texas for me and my little brother (who is fondest of her) ASAP. Some cousins and uncles also drive out there to see her.
When I and my brother go see her she’s happy and annoyed that we came to see her. Understandable, as it was expensive to rent a car and fly out the next day. I let it pass because I know how cheap and selfless she can be. Whatever. But then she continues to lecture us about our life choices, like why I didn’t become a doctor or nurse, that I should dump my partner because he’s into music, that my brother needs a haircut, etc. I kind of let these comments pass.
As in I don’t snap at her like I usually do and just tell her that these are the decisions we made and are happy with them. These comments continue for the next five days while I and my brother are sleeping in the same hospital room as her sharing a cot. By the end of it, I was glad to leave for my planned vacation, but I still replied to these comments civilly as I sadly realize she was lecturing us while she still can.
And of course, she is polite and friendly to the cousins and uncles who showed up for one day.
My little brother stays behind as the whole family thought it would be best for someone to stay with my mom for support. I was leaving for a planned trip but was going to come back to Texas afterward (~1.5 weeks). The cousins and uncles have work so they could not.
Within a few days, I get a call from my mom complaining about my brother’s behavior. I talk to him and realize she was just exaggerating and causing a fuss. A day or so later I get texts from my brother complaining about how my mom is being really mean. Saying things like how her kids don’t really love her and that she loves the cousins more than us, her kids.
Then I get a text from her saying how I need to fly my brother out of there because he’s bothering her and making her cancer spread faster.
That was the last straw. I texted her a reply defending my brother basically. And that if she didn’t stop being a jerk she’d alienate all her children (my older sister doesn’t talk to her much either).
I haven’t heard from her since. Or any news from my brother.
I’m supposed to be driving back in a few days but things got complicated again as my partner’s cousin just passed away and we have to make it back in time for the funeral. My brother thinks I should just stay where I am, but I want to come out to support him (I think it’s unhealthy for him mentally to deal with her alone) and the rest of my family is expecting me to drive out there because I already said I would.
But I also don’t want to go because I’m sick of dealing with this nonsense.
Now I don’t know if I’m a jerk for not wanting to deal with my mother with cancer. Even if I do drive out, I want to let her family deal with her and leave me alone.”
Another User Comments:
“The situation is the jerk here. I’m sorry; you’re going through a lot right now, and nothing that could happen, no choice you can make, is a win.
My mom and I were estranged for many years as well. She was diagnosed with stage four esophageal cancer. We tried to make peace, but she was super mean too and was judging and criticizing and just being a total pain in the butt, which, hey, she’s been dealt the worst hand, I can understand that. But I kept thinking, ‘why am I putting up with this from someone who was awful, wasn’t there, and then shut me out of her life?’ So I blocked it out.
I wasn’t there. I didn’t return her call when it was the last time she could talk, I wasn’t there during her last moments, and I didn’t go to her funeral.
My mom was a stone-cold jerk. She did things I could never forgive, and now, I never will. What I didn’t understand, and what I’d like to tell you, is that you don’t make peace for her, you do it for you.
Years down the line, I can guarantee that the regret of not being there will outweigh the annoyance and verbal attacks.” User
Another User Comments:
“I think your mother sounds like a bit of a jerk. She’s now been given (at least in her eyes) the greatest justification/excuse to be even meaner.
If someone (you, the hero) calls her out on her behavior she can just say, ‘Shut up I have cancer I’m dying, you’re being so cruel, leave me alone.’
That in itself is one of the cruelest things anybody could possibly do to a person. Using their own misfortune to make others feel awful. If you defend what you believe is right, most likely you’ll feel awful yourself because you’re criticizing the actions of a seriously ill person, and others will go against you because they feel it’s easier and more ‘moral’ to support an older woman than it is a healthy young person (you).
You have other stuff going on in your life as well, your partner’s cousin’s passing away, etc. I think you are without a doubt not the jerk. Your mum is a jerk, your brother is a normal person, you’re someone who wants to make everybody’s life a little easier.” megaman1410
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk… yet. However, you made a commitment to your family to be there and support your brother.
I do think you should go through with that commitment.
But as for the future, that’s up to you to decide.
Yes, that’s the only mother you’ll ever have, but if she’s not been a good mother to you and your brother (and if you’ve been estranged for 8 years then I’m guessing not) then there is a question about how much time and support you can reasonably be expected to give.
And that’s really your decision to make.
My mum went through a similar thing when my dad’s mother was weak with illness. She never liked my mum (because my mum came from a poor background), yet my mum decided to be nothing but kind and caring for her during her last days. I know it’s something she’s proud of doing, for my dad’s sake. But that was a different circumstance to yours, so please don’t think I’m saying you should do the same!
Whatever you decide, try and consider how you will feel about the decision in the future. Maybe there is a middle ground you can find where you maintain limited contact with her. That will help you feel like you ‘did your bit’ whilst maintaining your own sanity!” sandra_nz
13. AITJ For Leaving Out Two Friends For Lying To Me About Partying With Other People?
“My friends from high school all came back recently for summer and we initially got together all the time. Now, I don’t see some of them at all, and some I rarely get to see. This post is specifically about two friends (Ryan and Mike) who are keeping something from me that I completely know about.
I used to hang out with another friend (Ash), but I don’t keep in contact with him now. He’s the kind of person who will be friendly around you but will never want to talk to you or invite you to things if he doesn’t need to/loses interest. He used to invite me to all his small events, but nowadays he is throwing parties constantly, and Ryan and Mike are constantly going.
I knew this because Ash posts pictures on Snapchat, so I’m always seeing these.
So on top of the fact that I don’t get invited, I also have to tap through a photo collection featuring Ryan and Mike partying with Ash. The thing is, Ryan and Mike won’t admit they’re doing anything with Ash. I asked them what they did the day after the party, and they just say they did nothing.
They’re intentionally hiding the fact that they’re going, and especially the fact that I don’t get invited to their events. This hurts, because I asked Ryan if Ash does anything anymore, and he says that Ash hasn’t been doing anything recently. They won’t admit anything’s happening.
So this is where the AITJ comes in: Lately, I’ve been hosting movie nights because Ryan once mentioned that he’d like to start them.
At first, I was planning on having Ryan and Mike over for them, because I didn’t yet know they were lying to me. Now, I only invite friends I made in college, as well as the few high-school friends who I still keep in contact with. I intentionally try not to invite Ryan and Mike. They might already know I’m doing this, but they haven’t said anything about it.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m assuming Mike and Ryan have sussed out that you’re jealous/sad about spending time with Ash and feel awkward about mentioning it. I can understand that. They just want to avoid what could be a messy confrontation. Most importantly: they shouldn’t have to stop going to social events just because you aren’t being invited. They aren’t duty-bound to you in this regard.
At the same time, I can completely see why you’re upset. I’d feel really angry in this situation. It seems like social rejection and ostracism on Ash’s part. Is there a story we’re not getting here? I mean, you two were obviously good friends at one point, but something must have happened to be in this current situation.
I’ve been in this exact position before, by the way.
I felt angry and did petty things like this in retaliation. The problem is that it’s obviously not a healthy adult way of dealing with these issues. Resentment and anger are building up, and someone is going to explode.
Basically, I completely empathize, but this is definitely the wrong thing to do. So no, you’re not the jerk, but you’re doing a stupid thing. In fact, you’re all doing a stupid thing.” a_hirst
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. If they were your real friends, they would try and invite you to these parties or not go at all. That’s not to say that they can’t go to the parties just because you weren’t invited. The real offense seems to be that they are lying to you pretending that there aren’t any parties going on. That’s a giant jerk move.
I’ve had this happen to me personally and I can say that it can be one of the worst things and the fact that you don’t freak out at them or call them out is pretty admirable. It doesn’t make you a jerk for leaving them out of your movie nights. Don’t worry about those jerks and have your own fun.” Pattyfactor
Another User Comments:
“Whether or not you’re the jerk sort of depends on whether or not you want to keep these two people as friends. If yes, then yes, you’re the jerk. It’s passive-aggressive and dishonest and is no way to treat a friend. If no, then no, friendships drift apart after high school. It’s natural and normal.” missshrimptoast
12. AITJ For Canceling On My Friend's Wedding Because They Invited Someone I Hate?
“My friend and I used to work together. Developed a nice friendship over the years between us and other work colleagues.
We all were a pretty tight group against an abusive, psychopathic boss.
Eventually, after a horrible fight with my boss over my finding another job, I managed to get out of that company and into another country. The whole experience was pretty traumatizing and took me a couple of months to heal and move on. The event sparked a chain reaction where everyone else also left the company shortly after.
Said friend, however, stayed.
Now you see where I am going. He is getting married. He invited everyone (including all of us who left) and guess what, he omitted the fact that he also invited the psychopathic idiot. In our ignorance, we all booked flights and hotels. He knew we would cancel if we knew the boss was coming.
I learned today the boss is coming from gossip, and I am not taking it well.
I could perfectly rationalize why it’s just not really a big deal, but I am actually panicking. I don’t think I can go. I am planning to cancel, which is something that will hurt my friend. But at this point, I do not care. This is his wedding and he is free to invite whoever he wants as I am free to decide if I want to attend or not.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not in high school anymore. Grow up. No matter how much you were traumatized by your boss, as an adult, you should face it, not run from it. Realize that your friend should be more important to you than a boss, but up to now, all your actions indicate otherwise. You are choosing to appeal to your ex-boss over your friend.
You are making his evening more enjoyable by not being there, and in turn, ruining yours and your friend’s. And all of that why? Because you are afraid to have an encounter with your boss. You are afraid to make choices. You are afraid of being in the driver’s seat of your life. You are letting others control your life. You are being a beta, a slave to your environment and others’ choices.
Go to the wedding, and – if forced to – even smile at your ex-boss to let him know that he ain’t got anything on you. Enjoy the wedding, make your friend happy, and don’t let your boss think that he’s still got control over you, cause no matter how much you deny it, YOU ARE BEING CONTROLLED BY HIM RIGHT NOW.
You might think that if your friend respected you, he wouldn’t have invited the boss, and you are partially right, but you can’t really expect people to take sides in situations like this.
They are under a lot of stress and simply don’t have the nerves to deal with childish stuff like this. They will do what’s best for them, and in this case, it’s inviting the boss, cause if he finds out there was a wedding and he wasn’t invited, it might not be good for your friend career-wise.
So again, go to the wedding, no matter what.
Be an alpha. Control your own life and be happy. Cause I’m sure if you don’t go you’ll end up regretting it.” minlite
Another User Comments:
“It depends on your relationship with your friend.
On the one hand, you are an adult. Sometimes part of adult life is about sucking up some discomfort to be a better friend. This is the most important day in your friend’s life, and they have asked to share it with you because they care about you!
With that in mind, the tension with your ex-co-worker would have to be very substantial for you to not be the jerk. You might be justified, but I can only imagine a few ways where you would be ok.
My advice is to call up your friend, make sure that you aren’t sitting together at the reception, and just have a good day celebrating with your friends!
But as I said, it depends on how close you are to the bride/groom, and how bad the tension really is between you and the ex-co-worker. So you might be the jerk. And you might not be.” mfranko88
Another User Comments:
“Part of becoming emotionally healthy is learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.
It sounds like you went through a tough time at your old job and I’m sorry you had a boss that made you work in an unhealthy environment.
However, you need to put your personal feelings aside and realize this isn’t about you, it’s about your friend and being there for him/her. Most of the time weddings are large enough to avoid people you don’t want to see. I think you’re blowing this up to be a bigger issue than it’s going to end up being. Your old boss may not even speak to you.
Take a partner/friend. Keep yourself distracted. Eat, drink, and be merry. Have fun. The best revenge you can get in a situation like this is to show them how much fun you’re having.” User
Diff. Sometimes you CANT jus*****t******* up. A lot of you are sounding like the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps " types. Maybe you all need to grow tf up and realize you know NOTHING about this individuals mental health issues regarding said ex boss. Obviously it's serious enough that they are willing to not go to a CLOSE FRIENDS wedding over it. Maybe that was your first hint it isn't just a minor squabble they need to get over. All of you really.need to grow some empathy and read up on mental health. You are NTA and I hope you get help for this extreme anxiety a out your ex boss. <3
11. AITJ For Being Bothered About A Girl Seeing Other People Even Though We Aren't Together?
“Last year I went out with this girl, let’s call her Allie. Allie was… well… kind of a flirt. She’d been with more guys than she could remember, and she’s done basically everything. If you think I’m exaggerating. I won’t go into graphic detail, but it’s more than any of you are thinking.
In contrast, I had yet to go beyond kissing a girl and was, honestly, super excited. However, we both had big issues with depression, and so I ended up breaking up with her after about two months. The reason for this is that she was incredibly attached to me, and she was becoming unhealthily obsessed. I knew she’d never be truly happy if she depended on me as a crutch, so I tried to stand by her as a friend, telling her that maybe once we’d figured ourselves out we could try again.
Later that year, she disappeared. Signed out of every class, just… gone. It honestly messed me up really badly. I was 90% sure that she was now gone. No social media updates, no indicators at all. I moved on with life and had a couple of other casual relationships, but they always felt kind of empty. All the time apart made me realize how badly I actually needed her as much as she’d needed me.
Flash forward to about a month ago, and I see that she’s updated social media again. I messaged her immediately, and we made plans to hang out. Turns out she’d gone to a mental health facility for teens, and she would be moving back within a month. We meet up, and the topic of seeing other people gets brought up. She says that when she moves back (she was visiting home) in around a month, then we can try again.
However, she says once she’s settled back in we’ll try again. Now, I was fine with this, because of course she’ll need readjusting time.
She moved back almost 20 days ago, which is to my mind, adequate settling in time. No worries though, I totally respect that she has some things left to sort through. The difficult part is finding out what she’s been doing during that time – the answer being multiple other guys.
I guess she thinks since we aren’t together again yet, there’s no commitment, and I suppose that’s true. However, she knows that we might get back together soon, and is still just sleeping with everyone who asks. I held out on ‘serious’ (high school) relationships waiting for her to get back, and I feel kind of violated knowing that she was sleeping with everyone in sight.
I feel kind of betrayed, and I want to break things off, but multiple people have said that since we aren’t officially together yet, it shouldn’t bother me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s obviously going through a lot. This is difficult to deal with for anybody. It’s especially difficult with the trials and tribulations of being a teenager. She’s searching for ways to help her feel more normal (whatever that means to her).
It’s a difficult and lonely place to be, and she probably sees you as a source of stability. It’s a terrible struggle. Most people probably cannot relate to how difficult this is to deal with (myself included).
You, being the wonderful person that you are, are troubled by this. On the one hand, you want to do what you can to help her and be there for her.
On the other hand, you have to look out for yourself and your own well-being as well.
You are not the jerk here. Neither is she. You have to remember to take care of yourself first. You don’t owe her anything.” OhMyTruth
Another User Comments:
“You made out the assumption that you were in some form of exclusive relationship based on no other information besides the fact she was intensely in love with you.
I mean that doesn’t make you a jerk, that’s most of your teenage relationship problems. Given the context, you didn’t really have any other choice, I’d have done the same.
I’m not entirely sure if she’s the jerk, either, oddly enough. She’s obviously been depressed enough to be checked into a mental health institute, and being intimate gives a rush of endorphins.
I would act as emotionally reserved as I could if I were you, talk to her about your feelings, and her feelings, and set up relationship limits.
Sleeping together isn’t an inherent part of a relationship, it’s supposed to be a celebration of the other.
Love is a case of the right person at the right time, as harsh as it seems.” ProjectFrostbite
10. AITJ For Parking In Front Of Someone's House?
“I parked between the fire hydrant’s curbside yellow paint and the house’s stairs. Seems innocent enough, but the catch is that I parked there for the 3-day 4th of July weekend. When I came back, I got this note on my windshield.
‘To (My License Plate)
It is NOT okay to park in front of my house and then take the Metro.
Your car blocked my lawn, and it made it very difficult for me to mow it. On top of that, when I went grocery shopping, I had to carry my groceries a long way because every parking spot near my house was taken. I shouldn’t have to carry my groceries from a block away because you decided to park in front of my house.
While you were frolicking away this weekend, I was expecting a shipment of bricks, and because of your car, my project is delayed. The Metro built a huge parking lot for you guys, so USE it.
Do NOT park in front of my house, jerk.’
Here’s why I parked there: I just moved to that area for a summer internship, and I was going back home for the 4th of July weekend. I put the bus station I was using on my GPS and it led me there, but it only led me to a pedestrian walkway to the bus station.
The pedestrian walkway starts in a residential area and all parking spots around the residential area are for cars with permits only. I drove around until the parking spots didn’t require a permit and I parked in the first spot I found (in front of the house). Once I got to the bus station, I obviously noticed that there was a huge parking lot, but I didn’t have time to go back to my car and move it to the parking lot so I just headed to my bus instead.
What do y’all think? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you’re the jerk. I think you would have been fine if it was for like, an hour. But you were parked there for three days. Which is an extremely long time to be taking up space in front of someone else’s house.” User
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. People park where it’s legal to park.
Maybe a tad inconsiderate but you did nothing wrong. Mr. Note could have been just as inconvenienced by a sequence of other cars parking there. If anything it’s stupid to leave your car parked on some strange street for 4 days but it doesn’t make you a jerk any more than parking anywhere else does. The occupant of that house is entitled and some people seem to have a chip on their shoulder about parking/have never lived in a city.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. A public street is public parking. Sometimes that’s a pain in the butt, but that’s their problem to deal with, not yours. If they don’t want people parking in front of their house, they need to move out of the city where they can have a plot of land with a driveway, petition to have a permit or no-parking zone, or move to a place with a private road.
Welcome to society: deal with it.” SuperFLEB
9. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Father In Public?
“We are currently having a vacation with our whole family in Vietnam. About 3 nights ago my relatives including my father were drinking and when we were about to go to sleep and I was in my room, my father started an argument with my mother which he argued word for word ‘you always choose the kids over me’ and he kept rambling about how my mother doesn’t love him (which is nonsense btw) and wants to leave for his aunt’s house.
My uncle wanted to sort this all out when my father makes some real jerk comments about his relationship with his wife but my uncle takes it and offers to call a taxi then some other things happen that I couldn’t hear the rest but my father just goes back to sleep and that was it.
Fast forward to last night my father was drinking again and wanted to leave for his aunt’s house again.
This time he comes to my room to tell me that he will no longer be my father and that I am no longer his son and I was fine with that (he’s a real jerk to the family) but after seeing my reaction, he then goes to my sister who’s 12 and says he will never come back. My b***d boils just thinking about it I swear he just wanted to get back at my mother and he doesn’t care about us.
After a lot of shouting my mother calls his aunt asking for her address so they could send my father there but what a surprise, his aunt didn’t want anything to do with my father and he goes back to sleep.
This morning we went out to the mall as a family and my father pretends nothing happened last night and calls me son while handing me a hat.
I wanted to hurt him so bad and I just pushed him away shouting at him. My mother then pulls me inside the mall and tells me to stop being a jerk and embarrassing the family in public. When we got back home, my mother tells me to forgive my father because he’s my father and he gave me life and raised me. This is pretty much how it’s always been.
My father does something jerkish and my mother forgives him because that’s how he is, but this time the excuse is that there is a ghost or something possessing my father and that is why he’s like that and some monks are coming to fix him. And the whole family thinks this, that’s why everyone is tolerating him. I’m going off-topic but does blowing up on my father make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk here. You have every right to be angry, but don’t let it consume you. People like your father thrive on the misery of others. They relish making others feel like they don’t matter. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
Also, don’t expect your mom to ever take your side. She is an enabler and will always defend him.
She is in the wrong here too.
Do your best to ignore their bad behavior until you can get out of this situation. Then you can leave and never deal with them again unless you want to.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“The ghost is called ‘the spirit of booze’ and the monks should be AA. Seriously, your father is a jerk. I get why your family wants to help him, but they are going about it completely the wrong way.
You said that your family is on vacation in Vietnam. Are you visiting family there? The cultural context of your family makes a big difference in terms of whether or not you’re the jerk here. I know in some Asian cultures it’s taboo to make family problems public, so if that’s the case in Vietnamese culture, I can understand why your family would be upset about a public outburst. You certainly are in the right to be angry at your father, but your actions may have been rude and embarrassing for the family within certain cultures.
Just to clarify, your father is definitely a jerk. Your family members are jerks for how they are handling it at your expense. However, you could also be a jerk for making a public display of your family’s problems depending on cultural norms.” ArtGoftheHunt
Another User Comments:
“First and foremost here, take it from someone who’s been in the situation of a family that has its fair share of cracks, you are not the problem or the reason here, and neither is your sister.
Your dad and mom have a lot of things to work out but they choose to ignore them because they are more scared of being apart/alone than they are of staying together regardless of the collateral damage. I hope for both you and them that they either deal with their problems or seek help doing so before it has a permanent effect on you and your sister.
Secondly – you are nor will you ever be the jerk for sticking up for your family and what is right.” _Gwink_
8. AITJ For Not Thinking My Daughter's Graduation From Preschool Is Important?
“My daughter is having her Pre-K graduation in about a month. My wife said that she might cry at it. I mentioned that it is not a big deal to me, because she will still be going for a few weeks after it, and the big deal is her starting kindergarten.
My wife said that it will be a big deal for our daughter. I told my wife that we will treat it as a big deal for her, but that I won’t think it is. My wife sees it as a big progression, and I see it as a step. Am I the jerk for not thinking Pre-K graduation is a big deal?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk as long as you make sure to make it a good day for your daughter. I understand why you don’t think it is a big deal, and I understand why your wife sees it as a big deal. Your daughter is growing and this is a milestone. I understand that our society goes a bit overboard with ceremonies like this, but I see graduating and starting Kindergarten as a big thing.
I would say to do your best to enjoy the day.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for having the (reasonable and sane) opinion that graduating PRE KINDERGARTEN is not a ‘big deal’. Does it signify the fact that you’ve progressed along normal lines for someone who is 4 years old? We need to throw an event for this where people get choked up and cry?
No, this is one of those times when you’re the sane one and everyone else is wrong, I think.
Why do they even have a ceremony for this?? What? My personal rant: I think this is exactly the kind of crap that creates entitled kids who can’t handle real life. If the mere fact of stacking up blocks and spelling a word or two earns you this big event, I can only imagine the giant participation trophies and gold stars for nothing in these children’s future.
You need to be sensitive to your wife’s feelings here (as insane as they seem to me) but as long as you do that you’re not a jerk for refusing to get excited over basically nothing.” the-incredible-ape
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re dead right about it not being important. And your wife is dead right about it being important to your daughter. But, in the case of parents, irrational sentimentality seems to be a lot more popular and common around children’s milestones than stoic realism.
Also, there is every reason to believe that a similarly unimpressed parent will feign excitement and pride over such milestones in the hopes that it will get their children started on the path to recognizing the value of hard work and achievement. (In theory, celebration at completing this easy thing will motivate a very young child to put effort into the next somewhat harder thing, etc., etc.)
Given that, I don’t know what is driving you to want to repeatedly insist that your wife hear your lack of enthusiasm. You’re not wrong to think it, but your description of the situation makes it sounds like you deliberately found multiple opportunities to make your wife acknowledge how pointless you think this all is. That is a jerk move. If she’s trying to do something good for your child, and you’re willing to play along, why do you have to find a way to put the focus on you and how you aren’t really getting into the spirit of it?” flignir
7. AITJ For Not Helping Out My Dad And Brother When I Was Busy?
“So, today I am going camping. I am getting picked up in two hours, and in that time, I have to shower/get ****************, etc, pack, and get my gear together. My family knows this. I came home from staying at my friend’s house the night before at noon. I made something to eat and took a nap at 1, and just woke up at 3. My dad calls me and says my brother forgot his jersey or something, and he needs me to bring it to the field.
I told him I don’t really have time, because I’m getting ready for camping, and I am getting picked up, and don’t want to cause a delay. He gets quite mad and says something like, ‘you know, I’ll remember this.’ Now I’m just confused. Should I just find the jersey and bring it up there? Am I the jerk for not having time?
Update: Ended up feeling like a jerk, so I went and found the jersey, and drove it up to the field.
Dad thanked me, I went home and got ready. All is well now.”
Another User Comments:
“If you were in such a rush, why did you have a nap for 2 hours? Surely that could have waited until the car ride or later at night while camping. So ya, I’d say that you are a jerk for refusing to bring the jersey on the sole grounds that you are in a rush, but not being in too much of a rush to have a nap.” fifthpilgrim
Another User Comments:
“It’s a tough call. If you already had the plans and your dad knew you had the plans then it wasn’t fair to ask. If he didn’t know your dad may feel it was a bit ungrateful. I don’t think you were a jerk, but you could have called your friends and asked if they could delay an hour.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“Your father may have thought that two hours was enough time to get ready and help him (and it seems from your edit that he was right). Next time, pack before taking a nap!” 2Fab4You
6. AITJ For Blowing Up On My Friends Repeatedly?
“So I and a group of friends play league of legends very frequently and sometimes I get harassed and complained at for complaining about how the game we are in is going but then one of them, let’s call him Bob, complains about the same issue in the same manner as me but the others in the group laugh at it and back him up.
Every time I’ve called Bob out on this, I get harassed for being a jerk and ruining their game. After this has happened, I end up just muting myself on Skype to try and alleviate some of the tension but then they get mad at me for not communicating the ‘better’ way. Am I being a jerk or are my friends being jerks and playing favorites?”
Another User Comments:
“You probably have a large bias towards how you and your friend complain (seeing as you are one of the people complaining). You see it as you and your friend making the same observation and you get criticized for it and your friend being praised, however, from the rest of your play group’s perspective, you are probably dealing with the situation in different ways.
Your tone of voice and intent for example can make a big difference. However, regardless of your playgroup treating you and Bob differently, the bigger issue is the fact that you are taking the game far too seriously and are clearly getting angry and stressed out at people who are meant to be your friends. People who only concentrate on winning instead of having fun aren’t enjoyable to play with and what you need to concentrate on is relaxing while playing and concentrating on having fun rather than being a mega tryhard.
Whilst it’s fine to offer constructive criticism it sounds like that’s not what’s happening, if you’re playing ranked try playing unranked instead for a while to take some of the pressure off or play with your friends on your smurf accounts so you don’t get so stressed. So yes you are being a jerk, that doesn’t mean Bob or your other friends aren’t being jerks but you most certainly are.” macki2k
Another User Comments:
“They’re probably just joking around with you. You should tell them how you feel instead of yelling at them and muting them, they get a ride out of you and continue to do it. If you’re not the jerk, you’re at least a jerk.” kwertyuiop
Another User Comments:
“Give a truthful and accurate example of how you and ‘Bob’ would complain about the game.
In any case, insulting and yelling at your friends ain’t a good way to communicate and makes you an unpleasant person to play with.
Also, maybe your friends were fine with ‘Bob’ as the way he voiced his complaints were clearly made in jest, wasn’t insulting to them, or was funny/lighthearted.” YvonnePewPew
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Tithes In Church?
“I grew up in a Christian household (in which I no longer believe) but I go to church when I’m at home for college for the sake of my mum.
As a rule, the bible says to give 10% of your earnings to the church which I obviously don’t want to do. I’m a poor college student trying to pay my rent and I’ve had to fight over and over with my mum over this nonsense bill or whenever the giving basket comes around to me I immediately pass it off.
I’m tired of this, but am I the jerk?
I GOT BILLS, FOR PETE’S SAKE!!!”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re not actually a Christian then there is no reason to give. The church is supposed to be supported by the cheerful offerings of its members because they believe in what they are doing.
You’re not a jerk for not giving to a church you don’t believe in. There are lots of churches I don’t believe in so I don’t give to any of them.
As a parent though, it would break my heart if my children couldn’t talk to me about their beliefs and pretended (lied) that they shared mine when they didn’t.
Maybe your mom is a crazy witch that would yell and scream and make your life miserable if you were honest with her. I’m not judging you, I don’t know. I just know it’s sad for you to pretend you believe and her to think you do when you don’t.” robobreasts
Another User Comments:
“Not in the least. My personal experience is that I do like supporting causes that I believe in, and oddly when I give generously, even when I feel really poor and like I can’t afford it, things tend to work out for me financially in unexpected ways. Just as a living thing, it’s nice to find a nonprofit or another way to give to others who have less than you, but that doesn’t need to be a church, doesn’t need to be all the time, and absolutely shouldn’t be done out of guilt.
Not the jerk!” Bayou13
Another User Comments:
“I have the same attitude about giving in church as I do about giving to street performers… If I take the time to listen to the performance then I like to throw them a buck or two. They got bills to pay too, and if I am using up their electricity and facilities, and I know that they survive on donations, then I will throw down some if I can… but on the other hand, if I don’t have anything to spare then I don’t have anything to spare.
Always make sure you can support yourself before you start giving away funds.” p_velocity
4. AITJ For Not Picking Sides Between My Friends?
“I and one of my group of friends are a bunch of ‘young adults’ ranging from 18 years of age to 25, me being 20.
We became friends via being in the same classes at our local Polytechnic.
There is this guy whom I say call ‘Luke’ who is the oldest among us. He has a rather poor habit of having poor time management and impatient too, meaning that he would frequently make us wait for him and would kick up a fuss if we don’t while similarly kicking up a fuss if either one of us is late.
Now I won’t call this a big issue since I find the rest of my friends to have the same tendency too.
Another thing is that Luke also dislikes us meeting other friends instead of ‘our group’. I feel that this sometimes put me in a tight spot because I like to hang out with my other group of friends and my partner from time to time.
The rest are sometimes given remarks for meeting their other friends too and are annoyed. At this point I should make it clear that he is not shy about making other friends and in fact has other social circles too that we do not bash him for when he meets them.
So one day the last straw was had when another guy from the group (Let’s call him ‘Ben’) decides to meet up with Luke for dinner.
After waiting for 2 hours, Ben got fed up and left. This was the third time it happened and the group finally decided to ignore and separate away from him.
As for me, I never dealt with the lateness before (he is always on time when meeting me and if he did happen to be late, he would offer to drive me home) and his little remarks about me meeting others did not bother me at all as I myself understand that it is sometimes disappointing to see your friends choosing to meet others instead of you.
So I continued to chat with him and meet up for lunch or supper from time to time.
Now the issue:
Ben’s new group now heard about it and seem to be upset about my ‘betrayal’ despite me still hanging out and eating with them the whole time. I told them that what Luke did wasn’t an issue to me as he personally did not upset me in any way and I do not want to break a friendship just because I had to choose a side.
They seem to accept my stance on the matter but would keep on making remarks about me being friends with Luke.
A month since it all started has passed and I am still spending my time with both sides, though I had decided to spend more time with a group of friends who share similar passions and my partner. Both sides just feel so ‘lame’ with their constant badmouthing and remarks but I sometimes wonder if I was the jerk in choosing not to be sympathetic and not selecting a side to be with.
So tell me, should I have picked a side? Was I doing the right thing by staying away from it? Or maybe I was a jerk for telling someone who is upset with the other that I shall still be friends with him because I do not face the same issues?”
Another User Comments:
“So, let me see if I got this right. Luke and Ben are both in a group of friends you’re part of.
Luke is kind of a pain in the butt because he’s fussy about people being late when meeting and not including the whole group in things, even though he is frequently significantly late himself. For some reason, this doesn’t bother you as much as it seems to bother others. Eventually, Ben and others get sick of Luke and stop including him altogether. Now that Ben has a new group, you’re still hanging out with both, and Ben’s people are making fun of you for still hanging out with the guy they can’t stand.
If all that is right, don’t worry about it. You’re not the jerk. As long as Ben & company still include you, you’re on good terms with them. Nobody’s the jerk for making jokes about someone no one in the room likes. If either group issues an ultimatum and refuses to be friends with you just because you associate with the other one, take them up on their offer: never see them again and feel confident that they are the jerks.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“The friends who keep making fun of you are being jerks in continuing to bring it up. A few times immediately after the incident, sure, but after that, they should really get over it and accept that you’re going to stay friends with the guy. If they want to talk about him, they should do it when you’re not around, since they’re putting you in the awkward position of listening to gossip about your buddy.
It’s almost like they’d like you to relay their comments to him so they can insult him indirectly without having to see the guy, which is nonsense.
In my opinion, this group of friends is the jerk.” csonnich
Another User Comments:
“‘I told them that what Luke did wasn’t an issue to me as he personally did not upset me in any way and I do not want to break a friendship just because I had to choose a side.
They seem to accept my stance on the matter but would keep on making remarks about me being friends with Luke.’
This is reasonable.
‘iI I was the jerk in choosing not to be sympathetic and not selecting a side to be with.’
Well, the implication here is that you’d have to be sympathetic to the idea of cutting someone off for (what you reasonably noted) were reasons that didn’t really affect you.
By your own account, everyone seemed to accept that, too. So what, you should have shown more loyalty through pettiness? Eh… no. This was bad behavior/etiquette on the part of both groups. You are not under obligation to show loyalty through this type of petty nonsense any more than you are under obligation to show loyalty through breaking windows for fun.
Just because something feels wrong doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
I say not the jerk.” the-incredible-ape
3. AITJ For Not Sharing My Win?
“So a few months back, I was out shopping with some family (my grandparents, my mother, and my little sister), we’d just had lunch together and we were window-browsing and getting clothes.
Anyway, inside the shopping center, there was a charity there selling raffle tickets for a big house in the city. The tickets were pretty expensive but my grandparents, my mother, and I went three ways on a pack of ten tickets. We agreed that if any of the ten tickets won, we’d split it amongst all five of us, my little sister included. We’d sell the house and each get some of the earnings.
A couple of weeks later, some people from the same charity were at a supermarket I was shopping at. I thought ‘screw it’ and bought a few more tickets for myself. It was for a good cause and I didn’t think any more of it.
Until just under a month ago when I got a call saying that one of those tickets had won a 25,000-dollar car, or gold bullion of equal value.
I went with the bullion and that was easily sold. I needed the funds badly. But I made the mistake of telling my family that I won.
Now they’re all saying that I went behind their backs and bought more tickets. That I should share the winnings since we agreed to share the winnings of the other tickets we’d bought together.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to give them a share of those winnings?
The tickets we bought together weren’t the winning ones and the tickets that did win weren’t bought ‘behind their backs’, whatever they say. On the other hand, I know my mum is hurting for finances just as much as I am, and I’m definitely being made to feel guilty about it, even if it’s not a huge win like the house would have been. What do you think?
Am I a jerk for not sharing?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are a jerk, I would say that you should give your mum some funds if she needs it. Maybe not a 50/50 split but just something to help her out.” User
Another User Comments:
“Assuming…
You know (and for everyone’s sakes, can prove) that it was one of your tickets and not one of theirs, that won…
There was no reasonable expectation of exclusivity — nothing that would indicate that the group buy was the only buy…
You weren’t pleading poverty to them, openly supporting the multi-person buy because you didn’t have the means to do it yourself…
I’d say you are, albeit in a slim and technical way, not the jerk.
You transgressed no bounds and had no spite or malice, however, through poor decision-making, you did create an environment where ill will and complications are likely to occur.
If we were in a court of stupidity, I’d have to press for those charges.
In short, I can’t find it in my heart to call you evil, but you certainly are a well-spun-up mess.
You put money and family together. You put a lot of money and a family that was hurting for finances together. You put a lot of money and multiple family members, of varying attachments together.
You put money and multiple family members together, then further complicated the issue… to your own windfall. This isn’t a tidy situation, to say the least.” SuperFLEB
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Mother?
“So yesterday, my mother and I were getting along very well, making jokes and having a good time.
Then later that night she tells me to clean out the sink I’ve had to use since the bathroom closest to my room is out of order. This would have been no problem had she not been accusing me of not cleaning it this morning.
I start off by saying, ‘I’ll clean it yea but I’m telling you I did it this morning, the toothpaste–’
And she cuts me off midsentence raising her voice. This really annoyed me because that’s such a blatant sign of disrespect. Like at least let me finish what I was saying (the stains left by toothpaste for whatever reason must not have come off with water). So I raised my voice calling her out for disrespecting what I was saying and she cuts me off again so I ended up screaming at her.
Listen, I know I shouldn’t have let it escalate to that point, however, after the day we had, I felt even more disrespected because of how respectful she had been earlier talking with me. So am I such a terrible person here for being 19 and thinking that maybe, just maybe, my words mean something now?”
Another User Comments:
“While I’m definitely not a fan of the whole tactic of just shouting louder and louder that a lot of parents use, the bit that caught my eye was you talking about your words meaning something/being respected. You responded to her shouting by shouting back.
Why would she respect your words if this is how you act? I’m assuming that you don’t respect her actions, so she has no reason to respect yours.
Respect isn’t earned through age. 19 is nothing. It’s not like once you turn 18 you suddenly get all the respect in the world. You’re still a young adult living with your mother. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t really command much respect.
It’s just the norm for someone your age. You have to earn respect. Your mother respects you as a person by letting you live in her house, but nobody is entitled to any respect beyond that basic level.
She shouldn’t have shouted like that. I hate it when anyone does that (and trust me, this behavior doesn’t end when you move out). But the way to respond to it is not to try to outmatch it.
You should just clean the sink. The reason you shouted was because you felt disrespected. The reason that she shouted is because you weren’t showing her respect. It’s a 2-way street.
‘The stains left by toothpaste for whatever reason must not have come off with water.’
Then you didn’t clean it. If someone tells you to clean a sink you don’t just run water over it, and if that’s what you did do then it’s just making me wonder further why you’re trying to demand extra respect.
If the toothpaste stains were there then you didn’t clean the sink.
For me to call someone a jerk, they have to do something genuinely malicious. And I don’t think that you did that. So I won’t call you a jerk. I’ll call you entitled and spoiled, though.” Ultra-ChronicMonstah
Another User Comments:
“You are the jerk. It’s her house, and she asked you to clean it.
You obviously didn’t if there were still toothpaste stains because I hate to break it to you, but if you even semi-cleaned it, you would’ve gotten it off. You either didn’t do it at all, or you did a trashy job and didn’t do everything. You should’ve just cleaned it right the first time. And yelling at her to tell her she was disrespectful? Please tell me you understand how stupid that is.
How can you demand respect while being completely disrespectful yourself? You are a jerk and a pretty immature one at that. You live in your mother’s home. You don’t yell at her, especially to lecture her. She shouldn’t have yelled at you either, but still. You can move out if you have such a problem with her.
Also, you being 19 means literally nothing. It just makes you sound like you think you’re entitled to respect, which isn’t how it works.” Courier-6
Another User Comments:
“I would say it is equally both of you. You are the jerk for letting it escalate. A simple ‘Okay I’m sorry’ probably would have sufficed and it would have been over. On the other hand, your mom should not have cut you off. I agree in saying that that is very disrespectful as well as very aggravating. Maybe if she had listened to what you said she would have understood the situation.
In terms of your words meaning something, they do, and always will. Always think about what you say cause it has an effect on people whether you know it or not.” Pattyfactor
1. AITJ For Arguing With My Partner's Sister?
“My partner Bob and his sister Marissa are close in age and have a close relationship. I felt once Bob and I became serious she took a real dislike to me, being quite rude and mean. I rationalized that it was out of jealousy due to the fact I took up a lot of Bob’s time that she otherwise used to have.
In return, I tried to include her in things we did and favored group nights, made more of an effort to chat, etc.
Marissa and I were talking one night on the topic of a friend’s recent engagement and while I personally thought it wouldn’t last I’m happy for them as long as they are both happy. To which she retaliated, ‘Oh wonderful, beautiful OP, I’ll just try and be positive like you and pretend that it is a great idea.
You’re so amazing.’ Which is when I told her to screw off and left the conversation.
I then explained to Bob that if this were any of my other friends I would tell him and I think in the interest of keeping things fair I should tell him about this tiff. He felt it was none of his business which is fair enough.
Later on that night the three of us are together and suddenly Marissa pipes up that she, is ‘trying to be nice to OP because she’s mad at me for some reason.’ In the intervening time, I had tried to pretend that our conversation had never happened in an attempt to wipe both of our slates clean.
I asked her why she thought I was mad and she looked straight at Bob and said, ‘I only tried to pay OP a compliment and she told me to screw off!’ I then explained that Bob had already seen the conversation – and while I knew saying that was a pent-up overreaction I certainly don’t think that I was as much of a jerk as the next 2 weeks made me feel.
Especially when I would consider that a direct attempt to get me in trouble if you will with my own partner. Opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk, she is being a bit manipulative, yeah, and you’re not taking it super well but you’re his partner, and although she is his sister he needs to know that she’s being weird. I’d stop including her on stuff, to be honest, the more she’s involved in your relationship (Note: Different from your lives) the more manipulative she’s going to be.” TheGuyInTheVest
Another User Comments:
“You’re both immature jerks. Are you 14? Grow up, holy cow.” Courier-6
No for just doing your job.
If it not too late, get in touch with him, and tell him you sorry, you were doing your job. You had no choice to let him go..... [make up something about ID being flagged/marked]