People Wish We'd Comment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Making My Daughter Do Chores?
“I’m 36f and my daughter is 16. Her dad and I spilt over a decade ago and share custody. Since 2020, she has been with him and now he’s living out of the country so she is with me full time. Since 2020, my finances took a blow. My ex couldn’t help out much and my brother and wife have space and needed help with the kids so I moved there.
SILs brother passed away, leaving his kids (4 & 6) with her and her husband who already had 3 kids of their own (17, 13& 15). My brother is a doctor and his wife needed a lot of help. I helped out as much as I could while staying here. She and I butt heads a few times since our parenting styles are different, I think the kids should spend more time being kids and not washing a million dishes after dinner.
She had a system, a chore chart. Every other week it changes. Everyone is a part of the chart and her kids don’t mind as much but I do. Since my ex left, my daughter is with me. She hates the chart and feels like it’s crazy for her to clean up after everyone like the dishes or vacuuming.
One night, my daughter didn’t do the dishes and my SIL caught her before bed and asked why. My daughter told her she didn’t want to do them. SIL said she has to do them as she’s a part of the mess and SIL can’t make breakfast in a dirty kitchen. An argument started and I got home to it.
I spoke to my SIL saying it’s truly unfair because she’s only 1 person and isn’t making a big mess and my daughter said she isn’t a part of this family unit. SIL said okay and did the dishes herself. From that moment on, my daughter isn’t invited to do any fun activities with the family.
SIL normally baked goodies for her church and the kids help. She loves helping, especially the older ones. My daughter loves it as well but they started without her and when she got there, she never got her normal duties. SIL took the kids out most Saturdays to have fun. My daughter wasn’t invited. The older kids are being cold to my daughter because of how she shouted at their mom.
I think it’s ridiculous to shut my daughter out from all of this. I told my brother who says those activities are family activities and since my daughter isn’t a part of the family unit and pulling her weight during the hard parts, she cannot enjoy the good parts either especially since I’m not bringing in any money.
Just because she doesn’t want to do dishes.
I told SIL to not turn her kids against mine and her oldest daughter got defensive saying they aren’t stupid and heard the argument for themselves to pick sides. It’s all just stupid. My daughter doesn’t want to do chores and I’m not going to force her.
SIL is the one with 5 kids cause the 2 youngest could stay with her parents. My ex says SIL shouldn’t include our daughter since she doesn’t want to help. I’m told I’m the jerk for enabling but I don’t think so. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and so is your daughter. Pull your weight, and tell your daughter to as well.
You are literally one step away from being homeless, and you are already walking down the path of being a bad parent. You DO make the kids do chores they ‘don’t want to do’ because she lives there. She uses dishes. She uses their electricity and water and enjoys the advantages of indoor living. Your daughter was rude and annoying about not being a part of the family, and your inlaws have every right not to include her in family specials since she was outrageously rude.
You and your ex don’t have your lives together and are raising a spoiled brat.
When my own son complains about doing a chore, I remind him ‘you live here, you help’. And he does it because he knows I’ll follow through and make him do it. You apparently haven’t impressed upon your daughter that other people deserve consideration and respect.
She’s going to be as much of an insufferable, exhausting nightmare as you are continuing to fail her as a parent. You should be grateful that you are still housed because I would have thrown you both out and made you someone else’s problem. You say you helped as much as you could — that means getting your and your daughter’s attitudes in line and backing your SIL up, as she is the female head of that household.” pdxflwerpwer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. SIL is trying to manage a big household with a lot of moving parts, all of whom are contributing to the mess. ‘I think the kids should spend more time being kids and not washing a million dishes after dinner’ uh, do that at your own house. The kids GENERATE the million dishes, and SIL and brother can’t possibly shoulder this on their own–the kids, especially the older ones, should be on a glide path to being competent, reasonable adults who can transfer these skills to doing dishes at their own place pretty soon…
As long as the chores your daughter (and YOU) are being assigned are appropriate and fair–that one person isn’t always doing something onerous–that’s part of the package of living there. Unilaterally exempting your kid from this while taking advantage of their living space is not cool and it is teaching her to be a free rider in the household.
If I was one of the kids doing chores for the common good, I’d be annoyed at the moocher, too.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You and your daughter were taken into a household that was already grappling with a loss and the addition of more children. To make it work, they are trying to distribute the work evenly and have everyone lend a hand.
Why should your little princess get all the benefits of living there without having to lift a finger to help out? It would be different if none of the other children did anything and Her Highness was expected to do it all, but give me a break! She’s 16. Washing dishes or vacuuming a floor isn’t going to destroy her life!” Anakerie
19. AITJ For Ruining My Partner's Family Dinner?
“Me (21m) and my SO (20f) have been together for a year now.
For some context, my mom is schizophrenic and I have a complicated relationship with my family, so as a general rule of thumb, I prefer not to introduce my partner to my family at all. My SO had a huge problem with this, so I ended up explaining some private details about my childhood, my mother, and why I don’t want her to meet my family.
She still seemed to believe that I wasn’t serious about the relationship and was ‘ashamed’ of her because I wasn’t taking her to meet my family.
Fast forward a few weeks later and my SO invites me to have dinner with her family (mom, dad, and sister). This was my first formal meeting with them.
I went and it was good at first, then the convo makes its way to my family and I give surface-level responses, trying to change the subject, but her mom seemed really keen on the topic and kept pushing. She eventually says:
‘SO told me that you don’t want to introduce her to your parents, why is that?’
I was already irked as soon as I heard that because I didn’t appreciate my SO sharing what I thought was a private issue with her mom, but I didn’t react and just said that I have a strained relationship with my parents.
Then her mom reached across the table and put her hand on mine and said (paraphrased):
‘I know it’s hard because your mother is schizophrenic and (event) happened to you, but I know your parents would be so happy with your relationship. Sometimes the best way to heal is to forgive and move on.’
Now, ‘(event)’ is a really traumatic thing that happened to me, orchestrated by my mom as a child.
I told my SO about this at a very vulnerable time and made it clear that it was a deep secret of mine.
Hearing a near stranger talk to me about (event) condescendingly made me snap. I asked my SO aggressively why she would tell her family about something like that and her mom tried to say how her daughter has to tell her everything but I wasn’t having it.
I told the mom sternly that this was a private matter for me, and it didn’t concern her, then the dad got involved and said that I should watch how I’m talking to his family.
From here, things quickly went down. Everyone started yelling at me and I was yelling back at them. I said some choice words and stormed off.
Now my SO is furious, saying I made her look like an idiot, and also how her family wants a written apology from me. I was considering breaking up with my SO and just leaving it all behind me, but I thought about it and besides this incident, she’s been a near-perfect partner, so I’m unsure.
Her sister messaged me on Instagram and said that I’m insane and need to take anger management classes and that I seriously need to apologize.
I feel kind of guilty for snapping and letting my anger get the best of me. I could’ve definitely handled the situation better. I tried being as nonbias as possible in my telling of the story.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My guy, coming from a person who also has a schizophrenic mother. I get it, these people were WAY out of line and haven’t an idea what it’s like for children of schizophrenic parents. The trauma is real and it is ugly, you trusted her and she basically gossiped behind your back, and that is NOT ok.
Also, screw her mom’s dead butt, she doesn’t know anything and she has no right to input how should move forward with your life and how you should heal. Bruh you are young, cut that nonsense off. This girl has shown her true colors, doesn’t matter if it was one time, it was the one time when it mattered. NTJ.” deadlift-shorty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This family needs to learn boundaries. Your partner does not, in fact, have to tell them everything. I (28F) have a very close relationship with my mom. I talk to her about most things. But I have secrets of my own I’d rather not talk about. And if someone tells me something in confidence, it stays in confidence.
In fact, my mom raised me never to tell her something I was told in confidence unless it was a matter of life and health. A traumatic event that is still hurtful to you is not something to share with others. The lack of respect is sad and I feel bad for the kids when they finally realize how unfair it is to them.
As a side note, I am estranged from my father. And if my SO’s family acted like this about my personal relationship that has nothing to do with them, I’d be beyond mad. Your SO needs to get over herself and realize the world doesn’t revolve around her. And your decision not to interact with people that hurt you has nothing to do with her.
It’s not like you are sneaking around on either side. Asking you to harm your mental health, and using her family to try to guilt trip you into doing this so she can feel better about herself, that’s not an ideal partner. When I say that the family needs to learn boundaries, I mean the whole family.” horseydaydreamer
Another User Comments:
“Think about it this way. This one incident is overflowing with reasons to end this relationship. If you continue this relationship, you will never be able to tell her anything without the strong probability that she will tell other people not only without your permission but without your knowledge. If you stay in this relationship, know that if you ever have another fight like this, mommy dearest will be invited too.
She doesn’t respect your trauma and feels that you should have to put yourself in retraumatizing situations for… What? What benefit does she get from meeting your mother? The tradition is that you meet your partner’s friends and loved ones. They introduce you to the people that matter to them, and, vice versa, introduce you to their loved ones as a person that they care about.
That is not applicable in this situation. And even if she did, how selfish is she to put whatever benefits above the stone-cold certain fact that it will hurt you?
She has no right to ask you, no right to badger you, no right to insist, and absolutely no right whatsoever to tell other people things said in confidence in an attempt to peer pressure you into compromising your INCREDIBLY REASONABLE boundaries.
This is a discussion about you, and her, between you and her. Everybody else’s opinion is irrelevant. Even her opinion is mostly irrelevant. No one gets to decide how you feel about the things you’ve experienced, or how you react to those feelings. No one gets to tell you when and if you forgive someone.
No one.
But ignore all of that. It doesn’t matter. The thing that matters is this: your significant other is insisting that you invite your mother back into your life. She will not drop it until you agree. Think about what it cost you to leave the first time, to be free of her. Think of the chaos it will, without a shadow of a doubt, introduce back into your life.
Think of the b***d, sweat, and tears it will take to push her back out. Think about the reality of it. You go see your mother in person. You hear her voice, see her face, and listen to her opinions and thoughts. You spend time with her on holidays, you invite her to your wedding, you let her hold your children.
Can you bear that? Should you have to? Why would someone ask you to? How could anyone who claims to care for you demand that of you?
There are, as far as I can tell, only two choices: allow your mother back into your life, or break up with your partner. If you choose to stay with her, you will never be able to undo that decision.
You will be hurt. You know that. And you don’t have to be, you know that too. You deserve better than someone who asks that of you. I think you know that.
Please don’t allow yourself to be treated this way. Please don’t allow your pain to be disrespected, or your healing to be dictated. Don’t let this one slide.
Don’t wait for the next one. Don’t wait for it to be ‘bad enough.’
And, um, NTJ.” magicalboytransform
18. AITJ For Being Mad At My Gay Son For Being Feminine At My Workplace?
“My oldest son Jakob is 16 and gay. He came out to me and his mom a few weeks after he turned 14 and being from a rural area, it was a bit hard to accept.
I’ve tried to accept it as much as I can. Jakob has always been a stereotypical masculine boy and we have always been close with us bonding over cars and helping him with wrestling and football and now baseball.
He started going out with his first partner last October, some flamboyant theater kid ‘Marco’. I didn’t really like him the instant I met him and ever since they started going, with Jakob has been pulling away from me.
He’s started experimenting with feminine things like painting his nails and wearing tight girl jeans. I told Jakob I didn’t want him wearing nail polish everywhere especially not at school/practice or at my job.
The other week, I surprised him after practice to go to a movie and he was wearing it and he knew I was upset about that.
My car broke down and since we pass my job before his school, it’s been easier to let him drive me to work and then pick me up later after he gets out of practice. I work in construction so last Friday when Jakob came to pick me up with his nails painted bright green and a Brittany Spears shirt on, it went over with a bunch of laughs from my crew.
I got mad and yelled at him for disobeying me and we drove home in silence. He went to his room and stayed there all weekend not leaving other than for Saturday practice. His mom says I overreacted and that I made it more embarrassing getting upset at him like that. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… Whether he’s gay straight or a friggin alien… that’s your child. You let coworkers laugh at/about him like that? You yell at him for wearing a shirt and having his nails painted? This breaks my heart. Do you know how hard it is for a child to come out as gay and have to be ready for ridicule from the world?
You’re his dad, you’re supposed to support him in all he does (within reason obviously, not like a felony or something). It sounds like YOU’RE insecure about the situation and taking it out on him, which is just wrong. You’re hurting your boy. When you decide to lay down and get a woman pregnant your job is to love and cherish and care for and nature that child no matter what.
This makes me so sad. I wanna hug your guy and have an Oops I Did It Again dance party with him.” MamaLlamaNoDrama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
And homophobic. You claim to accept him but because he’s daring to explore his feminine side, you lost your mind at him. Really? Nail polish has no gender.
Actors wear it for movies, celebrities (straight gay, etc all kinds) have manicures and pedicures done, they even wear make-up on camera and you don’t hear ANYONE talking trash about it. Because it’s the norm.
And it’s a Brittany Spears shirt. So what! She’s been a MAJOR icon in media lately with the things with her family lately.
You say you accept him but then you turn around and put restrictions on his self-expression. Ie he can only express any sort of femininity in the house. He can’t dare go outside showing anything feminine. And you also don’t like his significant other because his SO is supporting him in finding who he is.
Being feminine isn’t a death sentence. Nothing is wrong with a man being/showing femininity because it’s a look. It sounds like his SO is supporting your son more than you have been.
If your coworkers are that horrible then maybe defending yourself would be a better step in changing how people look at you.
Because right now you look crappy as a parent for screaming at your kid for daring to express themselves.
Also, a gay man can be masculine AND feminine. It’s literally not one or the other. They can find balance in both given the chance.
I got a homophobic father and I can tell you from experience it sucks.
And I’m a bi woman. So I can never imagine how it feels to be a gay man with a father like you.
Support your son, and look up statistics regarding LBGTQA+ teens. Hopefully, the statistics break your heart because of how devastating they are. And right now you’re a part of why they are so bad.
Shame on you. Just shame. Apologize to your son before you lose him. And educate yourself on the LBGTQA+ community. I’m not saying deck yourself out in pride gear and go to pride and such. I’m saying support your son better. Before he turns 18 and cuts contact because honestly, that is what generally is the outcome when someone has homophobic parents or single parents.
And just because you didn’t kick him out or do the typical things a homophobic parent does, doesn’t make you a decent parent. You’re just doing what the law states (housing your child until they are 18, feeding them, and ensuring they have clothes that protect them against the elements and water. Basically basics to survive) but you need to do better.
Like stat before he’s legally able to walk out that door and never darken it again. Shame on you.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s 2022. Nail polish is no longer for girls only, people can have different styles, heck your son could even dye his hair or get piercings, or (gasp) enjoy traditionally feminine things like cooking his own food and cleaning up after himself.
Gender roles aren’t really a thing anymore for the younger generations. Heck, my own hetero, gruff plumber dad let my sister and I paint his toenails when we were kids, and he wore sandals after in public. Is it wrong of him to be a good dad and enjoy a bonding experience with his kids, even if it involved nail polish?
No, no one cared.
The only reason you gave for not liking Marco is he is a ‘flamboyant theater kid’, even though he is helping your son become more comfortable with experimenting with his style and personality and presumably makes him happy. You focus too much on your son being masculine and worry about your own embarrassment instead of defending him to your coworkers.
You blame your rural location for your problems accepting him. His mom is right, you overreacted big time.
He is 16, almost an adult. You can either figure out how to love and support him, or you will lose him and make him hate you.” Skye-is-falling512
17. AITJ For Turning Away My Brother?
“I’m a 20-year-old Chinese trans female. My younger brother is an absolute demon spawn and has terrorized me my entire life. He is lazy and would boss me around when we were younger. He has no concept of boundaries as he’d always take my personal stuff. He and his friends constantly bully me for being different.
So when I moved into the city for studies, I started to express myself as a girl. But one time one of the photos of me got onto social media and my brother discovered it and showed it to my mum. She went berserk and called me to confront me about it. I broke down and had a panic attack.
My mum and I have now drawn boundaries and things have been cordial. She has even started reimbursing me for my therapy. But my brother is still the same as he was.
During a visit to the city, I allowed him to sleep in my bedroom. He’d just leave his stuff strewn about across my room, even occupying most of my Queen size bed. The last straw was when he invited my cousin (who always joined him in bullying me) to use the private bathroom in my bedroom without asking me.
After my cousin left, I scolded him for allowing others to enter my bedroom, and he was like ‘He already goes into our bedroom at home.’ I told him that this is not his bedroom and he had no right to allow anyone into it. He then started insulting me. Even though he was speaking in Mandarin, he called my housemate, using his English name, ‘fat and weird’.
Describing my housemate in English, in his Chinese sentence. My mum, who was previously on his side, now took my side and calmed us down.
That was a few months ago. Now the other housemates have moved in and all of us are queer. A few days ago my mum called me up, asking me to help my brother explore his university options.
I agreed I’d help, but then the subject of his accommodations in the city came up. My mum wants me to put him in my apartment. I immediately rejected her idea, and an argument broke out. My mum said, ‘I pay for your rent and now I demand you to let your brother live with you.’ So I said that my housemates aren’t comfortable having him around since the last time he visited, how he insulted my housemates, and even if we aren’t uncomfortable with him we still have no space to put him in since all rooms are occupied. And now they have been calling me a jerk for turning away family, how I was putting more burden on her finances by having my brother rent his own place, and how I could’ve just kicked one of them out to make space for him.
Now that I have time to think, I realized that my brother will be moving into the city with no one to look after him. I experienced it myself and it would be hard to subject him to this since he doesn’t know how to take care of himself independently. I’m now not so sure if they’re the jerks here.
So I just want some unbiased opinion. AITJ for turning away my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother sounds terrible and your family sounds ridiculous. They really expected you to kick someone else out just to accommodate your brother? If I were you, I’d just get a job or take some loans and get financial independence from your family.
At least with loans, it’s all business paying it back. With family, you’re gonna owe them for the rest of your life.” thundaga0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he has no respect for you at all. There’s no room, and your housemates are uncomfortable. Do their opinions not matter, and can you really just ‘kick them out’ even if you wanted to?
THAT would make you the jerk. Your brother needs to be ready for the real world if he’s going to live in it, and just because he doesn’t live with you doesn’t mean he can’t receive your support if he needs it. Mom is being super witchy.” Kurigin
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is the jerk here… I get the family’s pressures and the guilt, I am also Chinese.
But don’t bend on this. I’ve been there and done that, and as a result, I was the one miserable. Your family may or may not get over it, but honestly, if you have a chance to avoid a potentially miserable situation for yourself and your housemates, I really would consider that.
NTJ.” snowprincess1206
16. AITJ For Canceling The WiFi?
“So, me (19NB) and my roommate (18F) have not got along nearly the entire time we’ve lived together, despite having a friendship that was 10 years long before that. I was working about 80 hours a week between juggling two jobs and going to university full time, so I ended up having trouble keeping the cleanliness of the apartment.
Mind you, it NEVER got to the point of being actually dirty, more like leaving a couple of dishes in the sink for 1-2 days and only vacuuming every 2-3 weeks. Both of us tended to be out a lot due to work and school commitments (for me; she isn’t in school) so it’s not like it got to be a pig sty.
We both have different definitions of cleanliness was what it came down to. We argued a lot, and she got very nasty and would insult me and berate me for not cleaning enough, and at one point we just stop talking.
THEN, in December, I basically just left and stayed at my partner’s studio apartment until now.
I was gone for days at a time, only coming back to do laundry, so she essentially had a sizeable apartment all to herself for half the price in the expensive city we live in.
Well, now it’s almost May, and said partner and I and are moving in together. I had to break the lease early to do so, but I’m paying the remainder of my rent in full.
My partner and I move in on the 1st of the month, and we got new internet… the internet for my OLD place, on the other hand, is under MY name and I’m canceling it as of the 1st, and removing the router today (the next few days I’m either at work or helping my partner pack his apartment, so no real other time to mail the router back to the internet company).
My roommate was upset when I let her know about this. She’s moving out on the 15th of May.
Here’s where I may be the jerk: I did tell her I was removing the router on short notice and didn’t consult her before I decided to cancel the internet service on May 1. It is pretty inconvenient to her, and I didn’t consider how it may inconvenience her.
She was pretty upset when I let her know I’m removing the router today and didn’t consult her before deciding to cancel the internet on May 1. I am leaving her without internet for around 2 1/2 weeks.
Here’s where I don’t think I’m the jerk: she does not necessarily NEED the internet for anything except personal use – her job is fully in-person (server), and she isn’t in school.
She has a decent data plan on her phone, so she still has access to the internet. She herself is leaving on the 15th. She hasn’t been a considerate person to me throughout our tenancy- at one point we were getting electricity bills for $200 because she’d forget to turn off lights when she left the apartment and cranked the heating to 30 degrees during the winter.
But most importantly, the internet is in MY name! I couldn’t transfer the account with my internet to another name, and I don’t want to leave the router here because I don’t trust her to actually mail it in time.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your moving shouldn’t have been a surprise for her, you were barely there.
So if she can’t figure out she needs her own router/service then that is entirely on her.
Seems more like she is trying to guilt you into either leaving your router or getting free internet paid for by you.” DannyBigD
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ. No, you certainly don’t have to keep on paying the internet at her place, but you could’ve given her more of a heads-up.
And everyone uses the internet; you yourself don’t NEED to be posting on Reddit, either. Personal use is a valid use.” p**********2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the nature of having a roommate. Bills in someone’s name go with that someone, and since it’s a minor inconvenience (a want, not need) then she can do without for two weeks.” CantalopeHoneydew
15. AITJ For Not Looking After My Brother's Chicken?
“My brother has pet chickens and has about 4-5 adult chickens and 5-6 chicks. This past weekend, he was with his father and asked my mother and sister to take care of his chickens and I decided to visit this weekend.
On Sunday, I tagged along to what we call the ranch to check on his chickens, and my sister’s ducks and to take care of my mom’s garden.
I’m not really into yard work and was told that it was going to be simply checking in with the chickens and ducks since the day before, my sister and I went and she changed their water and refilled their food. My mom sarcastically told me just go ahead sit down relax call my partner since I find the ranch ‘boring’.
So I went ahead and did just that!
After an hour there, my sister is screaming murder and I yelled asking her what was wrong and went to find her on the other side of the yard where she was holding one of my brother’s favorite chicks limp in her hands. What happened was that she let the chicks roam around with the duck cage open and the chick drowned in the duck pool.
My sister wasn’t watching them and had gone off to do other chores, my mother was busy with her garden and I was just sitting on the swing.
My mother got very upset that no one was watching the chicks and that this was going to really upset my brother. She blamed my sister for not watching them and not closing the duck’s cage and then turned to me and asked me in an accusatory tone why couldn’t I sit by the chicken’s cages.
The day after she told my brother what happened, I called to see how he is feeling/holding up. In a very sarcastic and accusatory tone, he asked me if I had fun talking to my partner and why wasn’t I watching his chickens.
I told him I didn’t even know the chicks were out and he went on to say I could’ve watched them as he does.
I told him he watches his chicks because that’s his responsibility and once again I didn’t know they were out. He again sarcastically says well I hope you had fun talking to your partner and I tell him that the chick dying was an accident and I’m usually not even there on weekends (hence with/without me in the equation the chick would’ve still gotten hurt) and it no one’s fault.
I ask if he is mad. I ask a few times and then I hear my sister on the phone saying they just got home so they’re busy and we ended the call.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s in grief everyone is upset. He sounds young, and he wasn’t there to prevent the situation, he’s just projecting his feelings of helplessness and sadness onto you.
You’re obviously much older, just say sorry and try to help him mourn correctly instead of how he is doing it. No need to get upset over it, it’s a learning experience for him. As for everyone else they don’t want to take the blame, you were only visiting it’s not your job, again still NTJ.” Kipperrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. you can’t possibly be responsible for something you didn’t know was happening. If someone had said ‘hey OP, can you keep an eye on the chicks while I go XYZ’ that would be different, but the fact that they are trying to hold you responsible for an event that you literally didn’t know was possible is ridiculous.
Definitely not your fault.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you weren’t aware the chicks were out. Your brother isn’t the jerk because he’s 11 and rightly upset (he shouldn’t be upset at you but he’s 11 and emotional). The only person in the wrong is your sister.” noicen
14. AITJ For Not Helping In Taking Care Of My Sick Grandma?
“I am not her primary caregiver, my aunt is.
I am 18, and still in high school, but live with my aunt, uncle, and grandma who has dementia that is steadily increasing. I was adopted by my grandma (let’s say J for short) when I was 4 and was raised by her and my grandfather (R) until I was 14, at which point I move in with my aunt for a while.
J was incredibly abusive my whole life, but it’s likely that this stemmed from dementia, and not necessarily her being a bad person. R was there for me and always jumped to my defense, but it got worse when he wasn’t home. This is why I moved in with my aunt and uncle because on top of the abuse, J would cook rancid food, not pick me up from school, lock me out of the house, etc.
My aunt (T) took me in, and I lived with her up until last July (July 2021) when R passed away. Because of J’s declining mental and physical state, we were forced to move back in with her, and take care of her (we cannot afford to put her in a home, or we would have).
T does most of the caretaking for her, but there are times when I should probably step in to help but don’t. It is very hard for me to be in the same room as J, and any sudden movements she makes still make me flinch to this day, so trying to help in situations where she is already aggravated feels terrifying and overwhelming.
T is able to handle her most of the time, but my uncle says I need to help more (when he doesn’t help at all.) AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not your responsibility to help J. That said, if you like your aunt and uncle, understand that they’re now taking on a load they didn’t want, either, and it sucks for them.
Well, for your aunt anyway. I figure there are two things you can do. 1 – talk to your aunt about getting your uncle to do stuff. 2 – just because you don’t want to help J didn’t mean you can’t help your aunt by doing some of the little things around the house she might not have time for.
That way you aren’t dealing with J directly but you can still be nice and help your aunt out.” Mopper300
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not your responsibility but more than that… do your aunt and uncle know how she treated you? Are they aware of anything? Can you tell them, at least some of it?
Either way, you are not at all obligated to assist in her care. You’re in high school and even if you weren’t, she quite literally put you through trauma and it sounds as though being near her, especially when she’s aggressive, is a huge trigger. That’s not fair to you as a human being to have to be near to and help her, let alone the fact that you’re still just a teenager.
Stand your ground and if you must, inform your school counselor of the situation.” BellanaBlack
Another User Comments:
“As long as you are helping out around the house, and not making additional work for your Aunt I say NTJ. It could also be detrimental to both Grandma and yourself if you are not properly trained in helping with caring for her.
I don’t know what level of care she requires, but before anyone is expected to help with direct care of a dementia patient they should be trained in direct patient care.” Wisdomofpearl
13. AITJ For Telling My Husband Not To Co-Sign On His Ex's House?
“I (34/f) met Stephen (49/m) 2.5 years ago. It was an unexpected love match but I found him to be funny and kind and charming and we had loads in common. We got married about a year ago and everything’s been great between us.
Stephen was married to Tiffany (49/f) for 7 years, and they divorced 11 years ago.
They share a 12-year-old son, Taylor.
Tiffany and Stephen both worked in healthcare and met in school. He’s a doctor, she was a nurse. Their relationship ended when Tiffany admitted to infidelity and an affair shortly after Taylor was born. Stephen and Tiffany divorced and she lived with the man she had an affair with for 9 years.
She had one child with him and they have since broken up. She then met another man and had another child with him. They have also since broken up.
This is relevant because several years ago, Tiffany opted to let her nursing license lapse and to stay home with her kids.
The three fathers of her kids all pay child support, with Stephen paying the largest amount due to his income.
He has no problem with child support and loves his son. The issue arose after Tiffany’s last breakup.
She moved into a rental and then tried to get a mortgage approved to buy a house for her and the kids. But because Tiffany doesn’t work and only has child support as her income, she cannot qualify to get a mortgage on her own.
She has asked Stephen to cosign and is laying on a heavy guilt trip about it being ‘what’s best for his son’ and that his son needs a home with lake access (I don’t know why. We live on a lake and Taylor is rarely in the water when he’s with us). The home she’s currently renting is lovely and spacious, and she can afford it.
Taylor has never expressed unhappiness about where they currently live when he’s with us.
When Stephen told me this, I flat-out told him not to do it. Not only do I not trust Tiffany not to destroy his credit, but I also don’t understand why she can’t go out and get her license and start working again.
There is a nursing shortage in our area and they are generously paid. She has family nearby that will happily care for the kids. We’ll take Taylor more often. And if she’s unwilling to do this, then why not continue renting?
Stephen told me I was being harsh on her and that it’s understandable that she wants to own her own home.
He’s also said that he doesn’t think she would damage his credit by defaulting on the mortgage.
I was married before Stephen but I don’t have kids. That being said, it cost me thousands to make sure my ex-husband would never have access to my finances again.
Am I the jerk for thinking that cosigning on a house with his ex is a bad move and that she should go get a job if she wants to own a home?
Update: Stephen and I had a long talk about this when he got home from his conference. We discussed the issues this raises and we both agreed it’s a bad idea that would strain our relationship. He admitted that he was concerned Tiffany would use his refusal to alienate his son but also knows Taylor is old enough to come directly to him now if he needs to.
He also apologized for worrying me and assured me he would have never moved forward without my consent, but wanted me to be in the know of what Tiffany was up to. I thanked him for being honest with me about what was happening and knew I would have felt deceived if he hadn’t told me, even if he was saying no to her.
We did discuss the option of buying and renting the home to her, but the idea of maybe being forced to evict her due to non-payment made us both pour another drink.
In the end, he messaged his ex that while he will always be there for Taylor, he can’t in good faith cosign on a mortgage for her.
She saw it and left him on read.
This is about as good an outcome as I could hope for and my husband and I were able to validate each other’s feelings and ultimately come to a decision that we feel is right for us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Point this out to your husband.
Co-signing makes him responsible for mortgage payments if she is unable to pay. Her sole source of income is child support. Her ability to pay will be negatively impacted if one of the other dads withholds payment or the court grants a reduction or even dies. Also, point out that Taylor turns 18 in 5-6 years.
That means child support ceases and Stephen can offer financial help directly to his son instead of it going into a big pot. At 18, Taylor could also move out which means your husband is potentially on the hook for a house Taylor doesn’t even live in.” Flat_Contribution707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
The husband’s ex’s ONLY source of income is child support.
That ends at 18, and we know one of the kids is already 12. The best case scenario is that child support from the other fathers will end a few years later. It could even end or get lowered sooner if any of them loses a job or takes a pay cut, or if someone passes away or leaves the country.
Your husband will be on the hook for the mortgage for 30 YEARS and his ex refuses to work. Aka YOUR FAMILY will be paying his ex’s mortgage long after your stepchild becomes an adult. OP, please do not consent to this.
If your husband goes through with this, I’d be prepared to divorce.
For the time being, if he goes through it I’d insist your lawyer review the co-signing agreement to make sure you won’t be on the hook at all.
I don’t intend to sound mean or over the top by suggesting divorce. I want to impress upon you that the mortgage payments will come from the funds that should go to your kids and your retirement.
Ex doesn’t want to work and relies entirely on income that has an expiration date that is decades earlier than the end of the mortgage term (and said source of income is supposed to be for her kids until age 18, not her own housing for the next 30 years.) If your husband co-signs the mortgage, he will be giving your marital funds to his ex.
I suggest divorce to protect your portion of the marital property now before your husband gets stuck paying the mortgage.” Jellyfish1297
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. HARSH??? You’re being real! This is a bad idea on so many levels. The ex can get off her butt and go back to work. If she wants to own her home then SHE needs to figure out how to make it happen that doesn’t involve a man she’s been divorced from for over a decade.
She’s throwing the kid card against the wall and hoping it sticks. Total crap. That kid doesn’t know the difference between a rental or ownership and he’s one kid – how much room could he possibly need? And it doesn’t matter! This is NOT your or your husband’s problem. Co-signing for a house will be nothing but an expensive legal battle down the road.
Does he WANT a foreclosure on his record? And he doesn’t think she’ll screw him over? She already did! I’m sure he didn’t think she’d have an affair but… there ya go.” SatelliteBeach123
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy Two Tickets To Attend A Bachelorette Party?
“My (29f) childhood best friend (29f) is getting married next April and asked me to be her maid of honor. Our friendship goes way back to when we were five years old, but we’ve mostly lost touch since I moved out of state seven years ago.
I agreed to be her maid of honor but told her that I’d need to know upfront what is involved because this is a big responsibility and one I’m inexperienced with. In addition to giving her this disclaimer, I also sent her a message two months ago that I’d strongly prefer to have the bachelorette party within the same week as the wedding so that only one trip is required. I explained that I have other trips planned this year (for a different wedding, Christmas, etc.), so flight costs will start racking up if I’m expected to buy two round-trip flights for her bachelorette party and wedding, respectively.
Today, she texted me, ‘do you think we could plan the bachelorette party for September?’ I gently reminded her that I’d prefer to have the bachelorette party and wedding within the same week in April. However, I also offered her an additional option: having the bachelorette party in October, so it can coincide with the other wedding I’m attending in the same place.
(Her party could be the weekend before or after, and I could just stay with my parents for that week). Either of these options would enable me to only purchase one flight rather than two.
She proceeded to message the rest of the wedding party and ask them what they’d think of September. It was as if she totally ignored my plea to limit the number of flights.
They haven’t responded yet, but I’m anticipating that this will be an issue for some of them too because I’m not the only one from out of state.
I feel terrible for limiting the lengths I’ll go to for this friend, but I do have to consider my finances. Also, frankly… she hasn’t been there for me lately.
I’ve invited her to visit my new city multiple times and even offered to pay for half of her flight here, but she still hasn’t visited me once during the seven years I’ve lived here. My thought process is, why should I buy two flights to see her when she’s not even willing to buy one to see me?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You couldn’t possibly be a jerk here, you haven’t really even done anything about this. I’m not even sure what you are considering.
If you want to drop out as a maid of honor, fine. If you want to skip the bachelorette party that doesn’t work for you, fine. If you want to say ‘hey wait, I’m supposed to be planning that’ and just consult with her on the big stuff like guest list and what kind of things she wants to happen or not happen, that’s fine too.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Mainly because it seems like you’re expecting everything to revolve around you. If you can’t come — then you can’t come. You were upfront with your limitations. But asking everything to be planned specifically around your schedule is a little strange. It isn’t your wedding. I will say it’s become more typical for bachelorette parties to not be the same weekend of the wedding (no one wants to be hungover the day of the wedding and as Saturday is typically the day chosen — it’d almost have to be a full week before to avoid that and account for the work week which wouldn’t work for most people).
Additionally, it seems like you don’t want to be there. You’re reinforcing that she hasn’t been great to you. That you don’t get enough input on the events of her wedding. That she hasn’t visited. It’s a whole narrative around why you shouldn’t have to go. So just don’t go.
If the friendship isn’t working — end it. Don’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to. Don’t go to the party. That’s fine. But it’s a bit ridiculous to expect things catered to your schedule.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The whole wedding thing is out of control.
What did people do when air travel wasn’t a thing? They did not have people trotting in from all over the country for myriad parties, and maybe not even for the wedding, as travel took a lot of time (still does relative to other activities), months sometimes. It was also mostly for the rich to travel those distances.
You have to have leisure time off to travel those distances.
This applies to you as well. You’ve been upfront about not being able to do multiple trips, during a year when everyone is trying to catch up (so you have more travel planned already).
You either need to let go of planning the bachelorette party or forego being such an integral part of her wedding at all.
She’s a childhood friend who hasn’t been close and doesn’t listen to your limitations. She is probably glad to see you, but she is using you as free help to plan parties, etc, and at the same time does not do you the courtesy of listening to your limitations, or preferences.
You are not a paid wedding planner, you are a friend.
She should treat you as such.” User
11. AITJ For Not Making Free Artwork?
“I’m currently in art school for jewelry and metalwork. I’m also a photographer so when my mother got engaged, I took the engagement photos for her and her fiancé.
In total, they ended up with multiple fully edited photos and I said it would be my wedding present to them. I spent hours editing those pictures so I considered it to be a pretty good present considering that engagement photos are usually quite expensive and I did this all for free.
Fast forward a year and I’m working on finals at my university when I get an email for my mother asking for ‘a little art project’ as a favor.
She asks me to digitally design an original artwork to be printed onto custom water bottles for the wedding. (I should also mention the wedding is two months from now so I would have to get the design done early enough to order the bottles on time for the wedding). When it comes to graphic design, I am clueless so I recommend looking for a graphic designer or a calligrapher for the text they also wanted on the bottles.
In response to me saying no she said, ‘Ah come on. You’re way better at this. Should be easy for you.’ Graphic design isn’t easy so I’d have to be learning how to do it and making multiple designs for her and her fiancé to choose from. This would take a large amount of time and stress considering that I’m in the middle of finals.
I believe I would be disrespecting myself to not charge considering the work I’d be putting in. I told her if she was really set on me making her a design I would be charging her for the artwork considering it’s an entirely new skill I’d have to learn with very little time to do it.
She became very upset and was shocked that I would charge her. She then said I should at least find someone to do it and tell them what to do. I have no idea what she wants in terms of style, colors, or really anything concerned with the design. I once again recommended she look someone up as I don’t know what she wants and someone who knows what they are doing will better be able to help her.
She has since stopped responding.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not your job to make artwork for her. She didn’t take no as an answer and is thinking she is entitled to free work just because she is related to you and you are in the art school, also graphic design is hard and it’s too much stress to do in the middle of your finals.
You don’t have to make free art for her. If she wants the art she can pay for it or find someone else. How does she expect you to know what she wants, she just wants free work and you are definitely not the jerk if she is not responding. Stop responding too she is not entitled to anything and if she doesn’t understand it’s her problem, not yours.” jace0_25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She is expecting you to learn and apply a new trade skill, for free, on a time crunch, for her little one-off wedding project.
The amount of time and effort that she expects you to put in, versus the amount of $ this saves her, is way out of whack. Like, you aren’t obligated to give her anything, but it’s especially wrong to draft you for a major project to save her the $100 she would spend on a freelancer from Craigslist or Fiver or the like.
What’s next, learn to play the harp by wedding day because she doesn’t want to hire a musician?” kaimipono1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a pretty big ask when you’re not a graphic designer, so you’d be putting in your own time to learn the programs, as well as however much time it took to make a design she’s satisfied with.
As an artist, I hate when people seem to think that art is one-size-fits-all (I’m a portrait/pet artist. I can’t do graphic design to save my life, yet I’ve been asked before. Not the same thing.) Plus she wants it free. I don’t blame you for saying no.” toxiclight
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Ex See The Cat?
“My partner (26M) was wwith his ex for 2.5 years before she decided she wanted to take a break via text because she met someone else, while he was away for 2 weeks. He ended the relationship one week later (late May 21) and they lived together for 3 more months (late Aug 21).
Before the break, they decided to get a cat, and the baby arrived in July. Since she left the place in Aug, she got to develop a relationship with the kitten but she was mostly staying with her new partner. In Aug he and I got together on a vacation so when we came back, he helped her move out and decided he’ll keep the cat since he earns more.
The ex is friends with both my flatmates and one of them (let’s call her Ann) remained friends with my partner even after their breakup. My partner and I were acquaintances for a few years before this so it’s only 1/2 thanks to Ann that we got together.
After realizing the breakup was a mistake, the ex started creating drama because Ann was still hanging out with me and my partner.
Ann started to depart from the ex long before the break-up, and personally, I never liked her, and she was a total witch during the relationship and breakup.
At some point (December 21, months after the breakup) the ex started pressuring my ex and Ann to see the cat while we were on a vacation and Ann was babysitting him at our place.
My partner agreed because he didn’t wanna deal with her and I thought that was the end of it. Up until now, she asked Ann several times if she can see the cat but I told Ann that the ex will have to ask me too since I spent way more time with him and the meeting was supposed to happen at my and Ann’s place in my absence.
Last month (March 22) she asked Ann again if she can see him and Ann told her ‘you’ll have to ask OP too’, to which the ex replied ‘Omg, we’re not sharing ‘partner’, just the cat.’ I was mad, I told Ann to just tell her no from now on, to which she agreed (she told me she’s uncomfortable in this position so she wasn’t bothered by this).
Our friends think I’m the jerk because I should let the ex see the cat and get over it, it’s not a big deal; my partner is impartial because he simply doesn’t wanna see the ex or have her call him for any reason. I think she wants to see the cat just to find a way to still be in touch and eventually try to get back to him.
I’m sure he wouldn’t take her back, but I still believe she doesn’t deserve to see the cat since she’s the one who left. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The cat is hers and your partner’s. They got it together so it belongs to both of them. You need to deal with that. The ex was even trying to see it when you’re not around so you don’t even have to deal with her.
Just let her see HER cat.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If I’m following the timeline at all, they got a cat AFTER they broke up? Stupid. This isn’t your cat, so it’s really not your place, it’s also not Ann’s place. And the cat could care about the ex if she isn’t grooming or feeding it daily (again, judging by the timeline the cat arrived in July and the ex moved out in august) so she had literally 1 month with this cat… not sufficient to be trying to worm her way back into this house to see the cat.
Your partner isn’t impartial, he’s just lazy here. This is his battle to fight.” blondeboomie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for Ann, who really shouldn’t be caught in the middle of all this. But if I have to pick a side in the actual argument, I’m (reluctantly) with the ex. You’ve got even less claim to the cat than she does, so no, she doesn’t need your permission.
If you (or Ann, for that matter) are unhappy with your partner for not simply telling her to move on and get her own pet, that’s something you need to take up with him, but it’s ultimately his decision.” mm172
9. WIBTJ If I Don't Invite My Sister To My Birthday Party?
“My (16m) 17th birthday is in two days and I’m having a birthday party the next weekend to celebrate it with my parents, grandparents, older sister (18f), and my friends from the high school where my sister and I attend.
My friends are kind of obsessed with my sister. They often say how amazing and ‘hot’ she is, and it just makes me feel super weird and uncomfortable because it’s my sister who they’re talking about.
I’m considering telling my sister to not come at all. Thing is, I know that would break her heart since she’s going off to college soon anyways.
I mean like, I know my sister means more to me, but at the same time she’s one sister while I have many friends who will come, so it’s easier to not have her come in comparison to uninviting a lot of my friends.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
If your friends are saying this crap that makes you uncomfortable then why aren’t you telling them to shut it?
You are more than capable of telling your friends ‘you’re being a creep and you need to stop… this is my sister you’re making disgusting comments about. How would you feel if I did the same to – mother, sister, cousin, niece- of yours.’
If your sister means that much to you, then you need to step up and defend her.
Age doesn’t matter when you’re defending them from creepy comments.
Also. You need better friends if they know you’re uncomfortable and they still do it.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (you and your friends).
She’s your sister, and she’s apparently attractive. Why would you penalize her because your friends act foolishly around her?
Women are not objects for your friends to gawk at. I would invite them all and if your friends act stupid about your sister, call them out on it! Tell them that she’s a person and she’s so much more than her physical appearance. By the way, there’s no way your friends are going to have real relationships with women if they continue looking at only the superficial.” Jellissimo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you do this.
I’m glad you are asking for advice before making such a poor choice. This is a life lesson for you right now.
Please never exclude a person you care about, or ask that person to modify themselves in some way, because of some other people’s behavior toward the loved one.
It’s the inappropriate behavior of your FRIENDS that makes you uncomfortable. So it’s your FRIENDS that need to be managed, not your beautiful butterfly of a sister.
You don’t have to uninvite anyone. All you have to do is let your FRIENDS know that comments about your sister make you uncomfortable and are not welcome.
Setting boundaries with friends is perfectly appropriate and necessary. It’s an important social skill to master so it’s time to put it into action.
Send them a group text ‘I know you are all obsessed with Sister but it makes me very uncomfortable when you talk about her. I don’t want this birthday party to get awkward so please everybody, be respectful about my sister around me and my family.
Thanks for understanding. See you tomorrow!'” not_inacult
8. WIBTJ If I Confront My Friends?
“Today is my birthday, and two of my friends got me a combined gift. It was a generous Nintendo card, some snacks (although they were snacks I typically don’t eat because I don’t like them), and two packs of floss sticks. The two packs of floss sticks were a reference to how a few months ago I told them my dentist had given me the usual spiel of flossing because they had noticed some plaque build-up and warned me of gingivitis.
Well, I mentioned this off-hand to them and my one friend (an aspiring dentist) started to tease me about not flossing and the other friend joined in. This would be fine as most friends tease each other at least a little, but since then they have repeatedly brought it up and teased me about it, to the point that now I feel as though I have to lie about the simple act of flossing to get them to stop.
So seeing the floss picks in with my gifts kind of hurt my feelings. I should also mention I’ve always been self-conscious of my teeth and have put a lot of work into getting them to where they are now, and I consistently brush my teeth so I don’t think it’s a jab or hint toward bad breath or anything.
Especially since they are the type of friends who would tell me. They played it off as a joke, and I did too, but now that I’ve thought about it the more it bothers me. I don’t want to be ungrateful, or pick and choose which parts of my gift I like. They didn’t have to get me anything.
But the floss picks really bothered me, and I was thinking I should just be honest and tell them that the joke isn’t funny and hurt my feelings. WIBTJ if I told them I didn’t like that they got me the floss picks?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your friends gave you a gag gift, based on you telling them about your dentist’s advice, and the fact that one of them is in dental school.
You admit that they haven’t suggested you have bad breath or insulted you in any way.
It does sound like the joke has become a little old, and you aren’t a jerk for having hurt feelings even if no one intended to hurt them. If you politely share that the joke has run its course and ask them to please stop making these references, I don’t think YWBTJ.” -SnowQueen-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Now, you could turn it around on them and make them part of the joke also. My brother got an ugly statue, really terrible, from another family member. On the next person’s bday, guess who opened the ugly statue? And the chain continued. Everyone just kept re-gifting it and it got to be a really funny family joke.
I would add though that the statue wasn’t the only gift the giver presented; it was in addition to their main gift.
So, wrap those puppies up for the next friend’s bday and when they open it you can say something like, ‘Happy birthday! Now we both can floss! Pass on the love!'” EatTheGhostPepper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… But a word of advice from someone who has a core group of friends who are brutal at times (as I can be) with joking around… Wait until the next time one of the said friends brings it up and just tell them calmly, ‘I’m sorry, no disrespect my friend, but that joke has gotten old and it’s starting to just be annoying’.” RabbitOfCaerbonnog
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Judging How I Eat?
“I am a 16M and my partner is a 16M as well.
We’ve known each other for a while and usually would joke about personal things but ever since I’ve opened up to him about my eating problems he likes to take it too far.
I drink vitamin water, and regular water, eat lots of fruit, and sometimes canned fruit juice for lunch and break.
When I go to school and have my lunch, my partner (who we can call Josh) likes to grab whatever I’m having and read the nutrition stuff out loud. One time, I was having a lemonade vitamin water and he took the bottle and said ‘this barely has any vitamins, just chemical crap’. I explained to him that I drink it for the flavor and not the nutrients.
Another day, I was hanging out with Josh and my friends when I pulled out a small can of pineapple fruit juice to drink. He looked at me weirdly, grabbed the can, and continued to read the nutrients out loud again in front of everyone. ‘Really? This has x amount of calories and barely any health supplements.
That’s what you’re gonna drink?’ Josh handed the can back to me but he made me feel bad so I dumped it out onto the grass, put the trash into my backpack, and went to the counselor.
When he came over, he noticed that I had only drank water and no actual food.
He asked me right in front of my family, (let’s say my name is Even) ‘Even, do you have an eating disorder? Do you take ADHD medication?’ I gave him a ‘WHAT???’ look, looked back at my family, and shook my head. He knows I do and put me in a bad spot that would make me answer the way he wants to.
I stayed in my room for the rest of the night and left him alone with my sister. My dad said I shouldn’t have left him alone but my mom understands and offered to take him home but I said it was okay. I can’t tell if this is basic high school drama or something serious so I need confirmation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Josh is playing wannabe dietician and wannabe doctor. He’s the one going overboard and introducing more stress and drama into your life which you don’t need right now. Josh questioning you and calling you out like that in front of your family was uncalled for, ignorant, and dramatic.
He had no right to do that. (I do think you should talk to your family but on your terms and your own dialogue). The way he is pointing out ingredients to you like he’s some sort of specialist in the field of eating and criticizing everything you drink and eat to the point where you aren’t doing either around him.
Being supportive of someone doesn’t consist of public shaming and making you feel worse about an already difficult medical condition. He’s putting you on the defensive instead of encouraging you. Having ED is a serious condition and is not a joke or a game. I would honestly dump him because this extra stress he is imposing on you isn’t helping whatsoever and doing more harm than good.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner seems like they’re trying to mean well but trying versus actually doing so is a different story. I’m assuming Josh is a fake name but we don’t put up with J-named people in this house. This isn’t a joke, this isn’t helping you to work on your illness.
This is bullying you and being a jerk. Everything, even water is a chemical, and ‘natural’ doesn’t mean better. Josh sounds like a jerk, you need a better partner immediately.” LadyTheBlitzed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner sure is.
His behavior is going to affect how you view food in a negative and unnecessary way, which you really don’t need right now.
Not to mention how disgusting it is that he’s saying those things. And how dare he say something like that in front of your family? If he has any concern whatsoever, he should keep his trashy thoughts to himself and help you find help.
Don’t dump the drink, dump him.” HiddenD0ggo
6. AITJ For Getting Mad At The Unruly Kids In My Neighborhood?
“I don’t live in America, in my country we have high walls that separate the front from the streets.
My house happens to be a corner house, so half is the front wall and half is my actual house walls.
Some kids in my neighborhood like playing football in the streets, which is fine normally. But they like to play right where my house wall is, and even make sure to throw as hard as they can, ON THE WALL.
Some days I have to come out and tell them to stop THREE TIMES. AND THEY KEEP COMING BACK. I can’t study in peace even in my own home.
I know why they play there, there’s plenty of space and stuff to make a nice goal. But the noise and… vibration(?) bother me so much.
Am I overreacting? They are just kids after all. Should I tell their parents? Put a sign on the wall? I don’t know what to do to make them stop.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to water the wall. The wall looks very dusty and dirty.
On a serious note, if you do talk to parents I would tell them it’s not the playing that’s bothering you it’s the fact when they whip the ball repeatedly at the house it’s the vibrating and repeated ‘booming’ sound that’s disturbing.
Also, it’s interrupting your studying. You could check bylaws in your area although I’m not sure what type of bylaw disturbance this would fall under if any. If there is damage occurring then that’s a different story. I would inspect the walls and see if any damage is occurring (you didn’t indicate if it’s a concrete wall or siding, wood, etc).
If there’s damage that’s one more thing to speak to the parents about and then if no action is taken by the parents then you could explore other avenues.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“You might be the jerk. I get that it’s obnoxious but sounds like space is limited for the kids to play.
They will feed off negative attention too but if you were to approach them and just introduce yourself and say it’s okay if the ball lands there but maybe point out where (if any) nearby windows might be or leave the gate open for them (no clue how the layout is but just ideas), you may earn their respect.
I would officially say NTJ, but the kind, the understandable approach may just be the better investment.” huskydannnn
5. AITJ For Not Disclosing My Weight Gain To My Clients?
“I’m a classical bellydancer and I perform at weddings and events. I also offer classes. When the crisis hit, I emailed all of my bookings and I offered to refund their deposit when it became clear that we were in for the long haul. Some of my clients chose not to take back their deposit and they postponed or modified the booking (switch to an online performance).
One of my bookings was for a wedding. I usually can audition or simply provide a sample video of what I can do. These clients wanted to postpone until they were able to gather with hundreds of people, which was a few weeks ago. I did an audition for these clients as they wanted something very specific.
I confirmed if they wanted to keep the same routine, and they said yes. Since then, I had gained some weight. For context, I am 5’4″. Before 2020, I weighed about 130 pounds. I now weigh about 160 pounds. My weight does not affect my performance. I was able to perform the full choreography and the routine at their wedding.
Weight does not matter specifically in belly dancing. I am active and I was not out of breath or sweating profusely and I was professional. However, after I had issued the invoice, I received an email from the bride and groom saying that I didn’t look the same as what I did in the audition and I didn’t fit the aesthetic of what they were looking for.
For that reason, they do not want to pay.
AITJ for not disclosing my weight gain to my clients and requiring full payment either way?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being disingenuous and acting as though aesthetics aren’t important in a dance performance and your ability to functionally perform was the only thing at stake here, which any professional dancer knows is ludicrous – OF COURSE aesthetics matter – and for not informing them ahead of time that you looked SIGNIFICANTLY different than when they signed the contract ‘because they didn’t ask’.
It was not their job as the client to think of all possible things that MIGHT have changed in the intervening time. It was your job as the professional to inform them of a major change that HAD happened, that you were aware of, that could affect people’s enjoyment of the performance, which is obviously a visual medium.
Fatphobic? Perhaps, but it’s irrelevant. Your look changed drastically, and you didn’t say anything about it even though you are a visual entertainer.
To those saying that they had to pay you because you performed, the reality is that you put them in an impossible situation by showing up without warning them ahead of time that you had gained a significant amount of weight and looked completely different because their only choice was to let you perform at that point OR HAVE NO ENTERTAINMENT FOR THEIR GUESTS.
You owe them at least a partial refund for your dishonesty and game-playing that backed them into an impossible corner, and any small claims court would say the same because of your clearly deliberate obfuscation and disingenuousness. YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they hired you for your performance. You gave the same routine, and did the same work, just because you’re heavier than you were, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t pay you.
I’ve seen many belly dancers in my years going to renaissance fairs, and it never mattered how big, small, skinny, fit, etc. any of them were, they were all amazing!
Also, the fact that they didn’t say anything until after speaks volumes. They sound like the kind of people that will eat their entire meal at a restaurant and then ask for it to be free because it wasn’t ‘to their liking.’
ETA: Many people gained weight in the past two years, some significantly. But they would have felt rude asking if you’ve gained weight before the wedding, and they would have felt rude and been left without a performance if they kicked you out prior to starting. So they took the cowardly way out and are trying to deny you payment.
They just weren’t okay with their fatphobia showing before they got their ‘penny’s’ worth.” Raspbers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are a professional entertainer whose physical appearance is an inherent part of her work. You secured a job based on an audition. You knew that the clients wanted something very specific; you even contacted them when the wedding was rescheduled to confirm that they wanted the ‘same routine’ you performed in that audition.
Several posters are claiming that the couple should have kept you from performing at the reception. How would that have worked? Should the bride have rushed over to escort her off the floor when she started her routine and her weight gain became evident??
While people of many sizes can be skilled belly dancers, there is a noticeable difference in appearance when someone of your height gains 30 pounds.
By intentionally withholding information about your weight gain, you misrepresented the routine to your clients, and you deprived them of the opportunity to cancel and hire someone who met their requirements.” -SnowQueen-
Another User Comments:
“I think this is in the ‘everyone sucks here’ territory. The couple sucks because the performer shows up and is not what they were expecting, and rather than saying something, they allowed you to do your full work routine and then complain about the issues.
The reason you suck in this is along the false advertisement lines. Let’s take a mall Santa, your pictures give the image of a classical Santa with an authentic beard then before the booked event you’ve shaved and are now using a fake beard. The job is the same, might even be the same results for the kids but you are not what was advertised.
I lean more on them being more wrong than you, they really should have said something before you performed, however, you are doing a job in which your appearance is an important part of it (No one would want to see me Belly dance unless you’re after the truffle shuffle) and with what could have been a large change (With no visuals it’s hard to picture how the 25% extra weight looks) you should have at least informed them beforehand.” Bunnyrpger
4. WIBTJ If I Tell My Roommate And Her Partner To Be Quieter?
“I love my roommate (23F), but her partner (23M) lives a state away and so whenever he visits, he stays for around 1 week or 10 days. He has visited probably 5-6 times in the 4 months that we have lived here. He’s great, but she is so so loud with him here. She’s even loud over FaceTime with him (they FT almost every hour of the day when they’re long distance).
I’ve gone through so many mood swings with this – annoyance, frustration, shame, guilt, etc. I can’t focus during work (we both work from home). I’ve had to start sleeping with white noise playing on loud (which I hate doing) and taking melatonin at night because they always talking/laughing very loud late into the night, both in person and over FT, usually until 12:30/1 or even 2 in the morning.
I go to bed anywhere from 10:30-11:30 most nights because I start work at 7 am.
When he’s here, they don’t have loud intimate time or anything, but during the day, they’ll run around the apartment tackling each other, laughing, and talking loud. Often times she squeals and screams at him playfully, etc. I feel so much shame/anxiety because I don’t want to steal her joy – I want to be happy that she’s happy!
But at the same time, I have a partner of my own and I feel like when we’re in an environment like this we play it more chill. Obviously talking and laughing is great, but this constant outdoor-level volume is making me so distracted and anxious.
Another important note is that I was recently diagnosed with ADHD.
My roommate knows this. I feel like that may be the reason why I’m so angsty/upset at myself for not being able to focus. Is this why I might be noise sensitive also? I can’t focus or sleep when I hear all these loud noises. It sounds like it’s happening right next to my ears.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but have you thought of sound dampening foam for your walls or anything? Maybe you can talk to them and they could help with the cost of it. I understand your annoyance. My cousin lived with me for a year and when his partner was over they would have extremely loud intercourse.
So I started blaring kids’ songs until he found a way to be quieter.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s fine to have a conversation with the roommate/partner about their noise, especially after 10 PM or w/e. They’re not the jerk yet because you haven’t addressed this issue with them.” ext2523
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I just want to comment that I find that when I am feeling exceptionally overwhelmed or am trying to focus on something, loud or annoying noises can easily anger/annoy me. I was diagnosed with anxiety in high school and always chalked it up to that, but the more I am reading about ADHD (my husband and I both suspect we are undiagnosed adults) I am hearing that this is normal. Could definitely be an ADHD symptom as well.
I would just approach the situation as calmly as you can.” I_Have-A_Secret
3. AITJ For Bursting In Anger At My Parents For Leaving Me Before I Give Birth?
“My (22F) parents have always loved my older brother ‘Derek’ (24M) more than me. Growing up, everything I did was wrong while everything he did was amazing.
He was a sports star in high school and college with perfect grades who married the Marine and adopted the cutest baby. Nothing he ever did was bad when he was caught smoking or sneaking boys in and out of his room in the middle of the night or anything else.
I on the other hand was always wrong no matter how hard I tried…
It was always why aren’t your grades as good as Derek’s? Why don’t you date boys like Derek dates? Why didn’t you find a husband like Derek’s? I and my husband are expecting and I’m in my 8th month so I’m due soon. I’ve told my parents I wanted them there as a comfort having my first child.
Derek recently moved with my nephew a few states away because his husband recently got stationed there and so they are the only close family members other than my husband.
My parents came by Sunday and told me they were leaving for 2 weeks to visit my brother and see their grandson to help them get settled. I instantly got hot and asked them what about their grandson about to be born and they just told me I was being unfair to my brother who just moved to a new unfamiliar place with a baby and he needs them more.
My husband tried to get me to calm down but I just exploded at them and screamed at them that they were terrible parents who didn’t care about me. They told me Derek would never talk to them that way and I screamed at them that they weren’t constantly abandoning him like jerks. I screamed at them to get out and my husband made them leave.
I’ve been getting calls from them saying how rude I was and from other families saying the same thing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not meaning to marginalize your feelings on the matter, but pretty much all siblings think the other one was their parents’ favorite. While that sucks if it was actually the case for you, it’s not really relevant to the situation in your post.
Pregnancy hormones are a beast, but I still have to say YTJ for how you handled this. Dose of reality: You haven’t even had your baby yet. Are your parents supposed to sit at home and watch you like a pot of water that’s about to boil for a month? It’s very likely they’ll go enjoy their trip to see your brother’s family and be back at least a week before you go into labor.
Worst case scenario, say they jump on a plane home as soon as you go into labor. Most labor & delivery isn’t quick. They’ll still be at the hospital before you’re receiving visitors.” Admirable-Frog-3748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Was it the BEST way to handle it? Probably not, but you’re hormonal, 8 months pregnant (me too.
I may be biased haha), physically miserable, and then they’re leaving one day before your due date to attend to what you feel is the ‘golden child’ when you’ve already expressed to them how much of a comfort it will be to you to have them there. Definitely NTJ but maybe sit them down (calmly) some time and let them know how isolating it has been your entire life with all the focus on Derek and how this was a special time for you.” ozuulrules
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you expect something different than before? And also. Did you really think these people would be supportive? You need you. And your husband. That’s all. I know the feeling to be abandoned by parents and never being the favored child. You just have to grow up and accept this is how it is and stop acting like they care.
The sooner you accept the reality instead of the dream You want. The better you will be. Especially your child. You don’t want these awful people loving Derek’s kid more than yours and showing it so blatantly do you? Time To move on.” Ihateyou1975
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think talking to a (decent) therapist would do you a lot of good, your parents suck, but if you keep holding on to the anger toward them it will just continue to fester.
I am not saying you should forgive them, just to maybe learn to realize that is who they are and they aren’t the parents you wish you had and they didn’t support/parent you in a way that was healthy for your mindset, but you can’t change them.” Chelular07
2. AITJ For "Ruining" My Friend's Graduation?
“I (22F) lost my best friend Jenna (23F) suddenly in a car accident. She was a sister to me and we’ve been friends since 1st grade. I’m devastated. She was my only friend from my hometown where I currently live.
I have 2 other close friends from college, they live a few hrs from me but we speak regularly. They are my closest friends behind Jenna.
Anyway, my college friends msg to see how I am as I was MIA for a couple of weeks dealing with my loss. I find it hard to be vulnerable and considered not telling them about Jenna as they didn’t know her well.
My family encouraged me to as I don’t have much support rn and will be seeing them in a month for our college graduation.
I msg back, explaining the situation and how I’m really struggling as the funeral is soon. They didn’t respond but were active on socials all week. More than a week goes by and the funeral has now passed. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, burying my best friend.
At this point, I’m furious at my college friends. I’ve supported them through everything, so much they joke that I’m the group ‘therapist’. Yet they can’t spare 2 mins to write a msg?
I message expressing my sadness that they didn’t reach out. I understand they may be busy but was still hurt, as it takes 2 min to respond.
I expected an apology. They respond to say they have their own lives, were busy, and didn’t know what to say. They also said I should have friends at home to ‘deal with it’ instead of them (I don’t aside from Jenna and they know this). I was so shocked by their lack of empathy, I told them not to contact me again and how I couldn’t bear to see them at graduation.
We were looking forward to it and planned to hang out all weekend. I told them not to approach me at the ceremony and to remove me from our plans.
A mutual friend of ours who is also graduating msged to say how selfish I’m being to ‘ruin everyone’s day’ and cause a rift when we should be celebrating.
They’re fine to celebrate, I have no interest in seeing them as they never apologized or acknowledged Jenna’s death and I’m still grieving. My parents think I went too far and ruined it for myself too. They ask why can’t I put our differences aside for the sake of such a special occasion that we were excited for.
But how could they be so uncaring? I have a right to be upset. I also don’t care about graduating now and would rather get my degree in the mail but my family won’t allow it as they’ve already booked time off etc to attend. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re in pain and wanted more people to reach out, and not everyone is comfortable dealing with loss nor knows what to say – especially when they likely don’t know your friend who passed away. The most they can say is ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, but they really cannot say anything sincerely since they don’t know your late friend or your relationship.
Some of them probably just want to give you your space rather than asking about it because they might worry that by asking about it, they’ll just make it more painful for you. The action does not always reflect intent.
Granted, there are probably individuals in your ‘friends’ group who genuinely don’t care, but there are also probably people there who did care but didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
I wouldn’t be so quick to label them all as ‘jerks’.
That being said, you just voluntarily burned bridges with all of them, so that’s on you.” sandwhale-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bruh. Friends are supposed to be there when you need them. Instead, these people act like they resent you for trying to reach out, then go all surprised Pikachu face when you stand up for yourself against their garbage behavior.
Have you ever heard the term ‘fairweather friend?’ That’s what you’ve got: friends who are your friends as long as you don’t need anything major from them. Good on you for not wanting that in your life.” Kurigin
Another User Comments:
“Grief does not come with a game plan book. It must be processed individually, each person left behind.
Your friends have just proven to you that they are not true friends, especially as you have been to them. You have every right to be validated in your reaction. It takes but a moment to the text they feel so bad for you and wish they could take the time and money to come be there for you.
Even if they would not have come anyway, they still could have given you the comfort of thinking about you. It is free. Sweetie, I know it is hard, but try to step out of your comfort zone a bit.
Make some new friends. Friendship takes effort. You should also let your mother know that whilst you understand she was just trying to look out for you, what she said, when she said it, simply added to your hurt.
It feels like she was trying to make you overlook the pain they just caused you, just so you still had friends. Lousy ones, at that. A big hug for your loss!” erinhennley
1. AITJ For Checking In On My Blind Neighbor?
“My neighbor moved in at the same time as me several years ago.
The husband, who is blind, seemed totally dependent on his wife of over 30 years.
Years passed till just this last week I am mowing my lawn and the blind husband walks from his house with his walking stick to the mailbox. He stops and looks my way so I feel like he wants to say something.
Mind you — this is the first time he’s ever tried to engage me first. Cool ok… so I stop and turn off the mower. He proceeds to tell me with tears in his eyes barely holding it together that he lost his wife two weeks ago. I console him, tell him how brave she was to face such medical issues over the years with courage, and how I was sorry for his loss.
The next day, I sent him a message that I was going to the grocery store/shopping so if he needed anything to let me know. I wanted to help him out you know? At this point, he was living alone, completely blind, and had no car anymore (his kids sold it). A few hours later, I send essentially the same message (it’s around noon now)… again no response.
Now I’m getting concerned that he isn’t responding and my mind gets the most out of me and I’m thinking — He’s blind, alone, seemed in despair the day before, isn’t responding to texts (he has a special blind handicap iPhone). So I go over and knock… no response… worried I ring again then knock… no response.
So now I’m thinking something terrible happened.. Oh God, I think… so after I while I call the local PD and ask for a welfare check.
Well, they show up around 5 mins later and I meet the officer, explain the situation, and offer to help. I should have stayed away from the home and let him do his thing… because here is what happens next.
Well, the neighbor answers the door when I once again ring… I hear him on the other side. Agitated. The officer explains why he’s there and he goes ‘Is there an officer there?’. Blind neighbor cracks door with the phone on hand… he’s calling someone (his son). Anyways he is hysterical and says I stepped over the line and that he had ‘messaged me back’ earlier.
Well, the officer goes in and I quickly walk back to my house… around 30 seconds later the son in his truck pulls up at like 80 mph and I guess they have a conversation, and shortly later the officer drives away.
I’m like, OMG, I didn’t expect that to go that way and the son is going to come over and kick my butt for calling in a welfare check.
Well none of that happens but later that night I checked my work cell phone and guess what; those messages the blind neighbor said he sent… for some reason were only on my work cell phone iMessage and not on the personal cell phone I used to send them. Weird.
So I message back apologizing but I had missed his messages and here’s why.
Well, he sends me back this super nasty and curt response basically telling me to ‘leave him alone’ and to stop messaging him. Now I don’t want him to help anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your heart was clearly in the right place. However, I would feel harassed and very upset if I were him.
You’ve said your piece now and at this point, it would be best to leave him alone unless he engages with you first or there is a real, obvious emergency.” BellanaBlack
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The man just lost his wife for Christ’s sake. Leave him alone. He’s blind, not an infant child.
Not hearing from him for a few days or a week would have been fine to call his children or a welfare check but you went WAY over the line.” MotherOfCrotchFruit
Another User Comments:
“I was going to say nobody is a jerk at first but YTJ because of you saying you don’t want to help anymore due to his very understandable reaction to having the police called on him. You harassed him, though unintentionally and with good intentions, and then got upset because he didn’t appreciate your ‘help.’ I’d suggest you let him cool off for a few days and then send him just one more message apologizing for overstepping, and then say you won’t bother him anymore but that you’re available to help if he ever decides to reach out to you.” LilLN_20
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it sounds like you only waited hours before panicking everyone. You could have at least given it 24 hours before calling the police. You said he’s never engaged you before so it’s not like you have a relationship where you are used to hearing from him.” keesouth
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