People Wish They Had All The Answers To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reward My Daughter's Bad Behavior?
“Living with my MIL (68f) for the last 2.5 years.
We are searching for a house to buy but nothing has come up in our range, yet.
This morning I (36f) got my kids (5f, 3f, 1m) ready while my husband (35m) got ready to leave for work.
We went downstairs to get breakfast. That so far was going as smoothly as it could.
The girls eat their breakfast and then go with my MIL to her bedroom to brush their teeth and wash their faces. 3 decided to get into MIL’s closet and go through a tote with future gifts.
I could hear from the kitchen my MIL ask in a pleading voice not to get things out.
3 comes to the kitchen with an Ariel doll and asks me to open it for her. I told her no, Grandma told her to not get it out and she made a mess and that was naughty. I took the doll and she started crying.
MIL can’t stand it when the kids cry. It doesn’t matter why. She took the doll from me and went into the kitchen to open it. She had already heard me tell 3 no that she wasn’t getting the doll.
Annoyed I said, ‘So I guess we are rewarding bad behavior.’
This hasn’t been the first time she has done this after I explicitly said no.
This statement must have made her mad because when I got up from the table where I had been sitting with 1 the doll package came flying across the floor and landed at my feet.
MIL mumbled something like fine and threw the doll and walked away.
I picked the doll up and returned it to the closet. I also picked up the rest of the stuff 3 had tossed around.
I was talking to my mom after taking 5 down the driveway to catch the school bus.
She sighed and said I was rude and should apologize.
I told her no that I didn’t snap I just said that bad behavior doesn’t get rewarded and I’m tired of being the bad guy. I haven’t said anything to my husband yet but I’m sure he will think I was too harsh.
AITJ for standing firm on not rewarding bad behavior?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because your MIL clearly needs to get over her fear of hearing children’s sadness. Kids get sad, and it’s our job to hold space for their feelings, not ‘fix’ them.
Her current methods aren’t healthy.
But you suck because this is clearly a dynamic that’s been going on for a while. You need to have a conversation with your husband, and HE needs to have a conversation with his mother. This behavior has to be nipped in the bud, and not through passive-aggressive sarcasm but through clear, direct communication.” SalaciousSapphic
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, those are your kids. You hear them misbehaving, and you hear their grandmother pleading with them to stop. Get off your butt and go get your children. Put 1 on your hip, go in the bathroom, and tell 3 and 5 to cut the crap.
Then thank your MIL for generously trying to help YOU with YOUR kids. The second you heard her struggling, you should have been up off your butt handling your kids. You left her to handle it, she handled it, and then you complained that she didn’t do your job to your standards.” Odd_Trifle_2604
23. AITJ For Hanging Out With My Friend Instead Of Helping My Ex Clean Our Apartment?
“My ex (27F) broke up with me (27M) back in January. It was awful hearing it, but I tried to understand her POV, and for the most part, we’ve kept things amicable and I appreciated her being honest about her feelings.
There were a couple of arguments, to be expected, but by and large, we’ve been nice and supportive of each other, and as upset as I am I still care for her a lot.
We were living together in an apartment, I moved out a few weeks ago when a place became available, and she is about to move out this week.
She’s been packing and organizing her things the past few days, ready for moving day.
Last week my close friend decided very last minute to see me to just hang out, and it was the best I’ve felt in weeks. We walked, talked, drank beer, and generally just broed out.
Ex tells me that she was expecting me to help clean the apartment on the weekend, I told her I could help her the evening before he arrived, or on Sunday after he left, but she said no to both options.
Today I went by to help with some cleaning and the mood was weird.
We weren’t talking much, and after a while, she said that she was expecting me to say sorry. I told her I wouldn’t apologize for spending time with my friend, and she said I should apologize for leaving her to clean and sort so many things on her own.
Here is where I may have been the jerk.
I told her I was not sorry, and that it was her own decision that had led to this. I told her I had no regrets spending time with my friend, and that I offered to come on Sunday but she told me it wasn’t necessary.
She said the apartment, for now, is still both of our responsibilities since we both lived there and both our names are on the lease. This escalated into a big argument with some pretty harsh things said by both of us. I took some things I had left there and came back to my place, but I’ve been feeling awful about it since.
I feel bad for not helping, but I also feel like her decision is what has led to this and she should deal with it. Legally I know I have a responsibility, but I also didn’t ask her to do it all by herself and I did still offer to help when I had time.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A breakup is always hard, and having to remain in contact for mutual obligations like this apartment is messy… but that’s when you need to compromise. Unless you had promised her to spend that day cleaning the apartment, you did nothing wrong.
You offered other days as options and she refused. In my opinion, there should have been more flexibility on her part. I would say the only thing you’re wrong about is blaming her. Sometimes relationships do have to end, the alternative is being miserable together.
Breaking up with someone is not a choice like what brand of beans to buy at the supermarket, it’s an internal struggle where you eventually accept something you’re feeling deep down and are forced to find the best option based on that, it just happens, you can’t control whether to stay in love with someone or not.” Mycatstolemyidentity
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ. You gave her options and she was either being stubborn or those times genuinely could not work for her (work obligations or something). Besides, you moved out weeks ago! If you took all your things, then she’s left with HER stuff to pack and organize.
Why should you be involved?
I also feel that since she broke up with you, as long as you didn’t trash the place or contribute to a huge mess, then really, it’s her responsibility. I say this as someone who once did the breaking-up and knew that meant I assumed responsibility for the apartment we’d shared.” loudlittle
22. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister Money To Buy New Clothes?
“I am 27, and the legal guardian to my two younger siblings. Both siblings have a trust they get access to when they are 21, and which I manage for them (with the help of an accounting firm).
This money can be used for school and cost-of-living expenses for them, with my approval.
My sister is 17, and like many kids her age, she can be a little careless. Broken or lost phones, damaging the car she shared with her older brother, being late or forgetful, and generally not taking care of her things.
She’s a good kid, gets good grades and 90% of the time is super smart, but she’s a teen… not fully mature yet.
She recently asked me for money for new school clothes. I have an agreement with both siblings that they get money for clothes shopping once a year, for special occasions, or to replace a necessity.
She already used her yearly shopping money and hasn’t grown. I asked what needed to be replaced, and she listed about 10 items we bought within the last year. All were ruined by improper use and care (she walked through a deep puddle in expensive loafers, put a Merino sweater in the dryer, and lost a down coat, for example).
I told her I would only replace the clothes with resale items because they shouldn’t need to be replaced. I told her all her ‘new’ clothes would come secondhand for the next year, or until she learned to care for her things. To be fair, I told her if she didn’t ruin anything else before her prom, I’d make an exception for her dress.
She is furious, saying I ‘want to ruin her senior year’ and accusing me of misusing her trust. I understand how it feels unfair since the money would come from her trust. However, I am responsible for that money, and letting her blow through it replacing items she treated like disposables would not be good stewardship of her assets and might teach her the wrong lesson.
I explained my reasoning and offered to take her to the accountant to review her accounts and show her everything was above board.
She is unsatisfied and asked me to ask other people. She thinks it’s her money and she should be allowed to have nice things.
I think she doesn’t really have a complete understanding of how far her money will go and I want her to learn to be responsible with it. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It isn’t her money yet. Sounds like you are keeping a good eye on things to make sure the money will still be there when she is old enough.
While she will hate it, why not have a conversation on how much is in the trust and how much average monthly expenses are in your area? So she can know how fast she will blow through it if she chooses not to work and just use it to party.” Alita_Moonsong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are trying to teach her responsibility. You are trying to show her to take care of her stuff. You even said let’s get the accountant to show her the funds. You are trying to teach her not to blow her money in one go.
Otherwise, she will be coming back to you for more later when she has already drained it dry.
OP, NTJ… your younger sister is showing how much of a brat she can be… and not in a good way.” Gypsy-Nyx
21. AITJ For Walking Out Of Lunch With My Fiancé's Family?
“I (24f) and my fiancé ‘Eric’ (26m) have been together for 4 years, and our wedding is in a week.
Backstory, Eric has been in low contact with his side of the family for 3 years. I’ve met his mom, dad, and 2 sisters a total of 3 times, and needless to say they don’t like me. The third and final time I met his family was when we were having a little party at my parents’ house.
I was very fortunate to grow up in a wealthier household, my parents worked very hard to give me and my brothers an amazing life. We invited them to come over and go swimming and tubing (they live on a lake) they agreed and when they showed up they seemed uncomfortable.
We tried talking to them and seeing how we could help them feel more relaxed. My dad even offered them a ride on the jet ski. (Again, I realize I grew up very fortunate and had access to things other people didn’t but I learned at a young age to appreciate what I have and not take it for granted).
When my dad asked them, their faces went red. They called Eric over and told him they were leaving and never returning. Eric tells his family no and that they’ve been rude ever since they got here. His mom lost it, she started yelling that we were just a rich snobby family who wanted to rub their lifestyle in the eyes of the less fortunate.
(He grew up middle class) she then started saying I only liked him for his looks and as soon as I found someone better looking and richer I would ditch him because I only care about money and then stormed out. Eric was beyond embarrassed and kept apologizing.
My dad reassured him he was not responsible for other people’s actions.
After trying to talk to his parents they told him they would never approve of our relationship because I was just a rich ‘beach’. His sisters agreed and demanded he return home and marry someone of their choosing.
He said no, he’s tired of them trying to control his life and he will be with whoever he chooses. His mom said he was breaking her heart and how could he betray the family. He went low contact for the next 3 years, seeing them a total of 4 times.
(They met my family after we went out for a year). When we sent out the wedding invites I asked him if he wanted to invite his family. He said no and let me know they still don’t approve of me or my family and talk badly about us and didn’t want that type of negativity at the wedding.
Yesterday I got a message from an unknown number asking me to go to lunch and it was his sisters. I ended up going to lunch (I did let Eric know) thinking we could mend the past. Boy was I wrong, they accused me of stealing Eric from his family and making him a self-centered rich boy.
They demanded I call off the wedding and allow him to marry someone they approve of. I paid my bill, got up, and left. I told Eric what happened and he decided to permanently go no contact. He let his family know and now they’re messaging me telling me it’s my fault because I walked out of lunch, and should have been an adult and talked it out with them, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while I can appreciate that they felt uncomfortable around such luxury, they had no right to insult you and your family when you were trying to be nice and get to know them.
To then go as far as demanding that he breaks up with you to marry someone of their choosing is absolutely insane!
Going no contact with them seems to be the right call. I also would have walked out of the lunch with the crazy sisters.” Regular_Giraffe7022
Another User Comments:
“What’s to talk out?
‘We want full control of your fiancé’s life, step aside so we can have it.’ But fiancé doesn’t want that and you don’t want that so no you won’t be stepping aside and no, fiancé won’t be giving in to their demands.
So what is there to ‘talk out’? Their demands are unreasonable and they will never see eye to eye with you.
They can’t even take responsibility and admit it’s their behavior that alienated your fiancé and not you.
NTJ.” neeksknowsbest
20. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Letting My Brother Eat My Food?
“I (19f) live with my mom and brother (16m). We live together as my mom was kicked out the moment she turned 18 and knows how detrimental it is to be sleeping on the couch of random friends and kind acquaintances and insists that I stay, we also work the same shifts at a hospital together because it’s easier for everyone and I fit the role they desperately need.
Today I went to go meal prep for the week as I make about a quarter of what my mom does so I can’t afford to Uber Eats and don’t have a car so I can’t drive to McDonald’s or anything like that.
When I opened the fridge my food was gone, not a single piece left I thought maybe I put it in the freezer by mistake and was already mentally chastising myself for being so dumb but there was nothing in there either, so I went to my mom and asked if she threw it out because it went bad or something and she said no.
She said ‘I told your brother to eat it’. I was immediately upset and I guess it showed because she said ‘He didn’t have anything to eat at the house so since it was in there he ate it’.
And I was mad because she makes easily 4x more than I do in a single week and she could have very easily ordered him a pizza, Uber Eatsed him something, or done any multitude of things and I said ‘But that was MY food’.
She just waved me off and told me to get over it and that my brother ate it so it went to good use.
The second part happened a few minutes ago, I went downstairs craving a scoop or two of strawberry ice cream from a small container of Haagen-Dazs that I saw on sale and was excited to buy it.
I saw a lid on the counter and was about to brush it off as my mom had also gotten a container a day after I did but I noticed the inner ring was stained strawberry pink and I ran over to the freezer hoping she just ate half the container like she usually does but there was not a container in sight so I checked the trash can and there it was, completely and totally empty like it never even had any ice cream in the first place.
I was immediately mad again and asked ‘Hey did you eat all my ice cream?’
She said ‘Stop complaining about it’. She didn’t even offer to replace it and I said ‘I’ll stop complaining when you stop taking my food’.
She got angry and said ‘Well it’s not like YOU haven’t done this before, remember last week?’
Last week my brother ate two of the three caramel apples my mom bought as a fall treat so I ate the third thinking they both already had one, and she was mad at me for eating hers, then even madder at ME when I pointed out my brother ate two.
When I said that she called me a jerk and said I needed to learn better manners.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you 3 need to all sit down and agree on some ground rules about food. And maybe start labeling things, if needed. Your mom’s letting your brother be a food hog, and instead of taking care of that herself, she’s making you suffer for it.
Granted, he’s a teenage boy and likely hungry, but things like eating 2/3 of a treat meant for 3 people is selfish and not just hunger.
The three of you need to decide together on rules about food, and all of you need to be fair about accountability.
She needs to make sure she’s got food in the house for the underage kid, and not just expect you to give up your food for him, which is what happened in 2 out of 3 of these instances – you were expected to go without.
And the third one, she punished you for him taking her share.
NTJ.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think you all need to sit down and have an open conversation about boundaries around food, etc, and explain fully where you are coming from, while also listening to their side and trying to come to an understanding or arrangement that suits everyone as much as possible… However, if that doesn’t resolve the issue and it continues I would suggest a mini fridge in your own room with a lock.” weewarmself
19. AITJ For Thinking My Mom's Friend Was Overreacting?
“I (17f) own a Ball Python called Barbossa. His vivarium is in my bedroom and I attend to all his needs – he is my pet so he is my responsibility.
He is very chill and has never bitten me or my family who sometimes handle him.
He is used to being handled so he doesn’t care.
Now, my Mum’s friend came up north from London to visit her family and friends. When she came to visit, she brought her 8-year-old son with her – he is the spawn of Satan.
He would whine and screech when his Mum’s attention wasn’t focused on him or when he didn’t get what he wanted.
My Mum briefly mentioned Barbossa and the boy’s eyes lit up. He asked if he could see him and I agreed and brought Barbossa into the living room.
I told him directly to not harshly grab him or squeeze him but he could stroke him in the direction his scales went.
He heard none of this and just made it his mission to upset Barbossa. I could see Barbossa was getting annoyed and so I said that I was taking him back to his home.
The boy screamed ‘no’ and grabbed Barbossa. Barbossa had enough of his nonsense and bit him.
He started crying and saying that Barbossa was trying to eat him. I told him that he was just scared and wanted to be left alone for a little while.
He went crying to his Mum and said that he was going to be eaten. His Mum demanded that we get rid of my ‘cold-blooded demon’ or she would call the police for assault. I told her that she was being childish and that nothing would come of it.
She stormed out of the house with the boy and blocked my Mum on everything.
My Mum is completely on my side but, I can tell that she is sad to lose her friend. I can’t help but feel bad for her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mom didn’t lose a ‘friend’, she lost a lunatic. This lunatic has spoiled her child so badly that when he doesn’t get his own way he throws a fit. She didn’t even take two seconds to consider the situation or to listen to anything let alone listen to reason… Hence the name lunatic.
I feel very sorry for that 8-year-old boy who doesn’t know any better because he has never been taught any better.
Clearly, neither of them knows anything about snakes.” lynnharris3321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s quite simple, really.
You told him NOT to do X, Y, Z thing.
He did X, Y, Z thing. He got bit as a result of mishandling your snake. The fact his mother threatened police just goes to show that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Your mother may be sad today, but if this is something that her ex-friend was willing to do to you, then honestly Barbossa really saved both of your butts on this one.
Good snake.” Derp_Aderpy
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Name Her Baby After My Unborn Daughter?
“My wife, Laura, and I struggled to have children. After two years, my wife got pregnant. Unfortunately, there were complications and we lost our baby. We had named her Evelyn and had made so many plans. It was really hard on us, but we managed to get through it.
Now we have a daughter (Amy) and a son. Amy has a fiance, Max, and is 7 months pregnant. Last month they were over to see us and announced the name they chose. It was Evelyn (Eve for clarity).
My wife and I tried to hide our shock, and not ruin the mood.
But Amy had noticed we didn’t seem happy. Afterwards, we explained Evelyn, and that naming Eve really hurt. Amy hadn’t heard about her before and was shocked and sympathetic. However, they told us that they’re sorry but they don’t think they should change it.
We weren’t happy, but I would accept it.
But then Amy basically said it was fate, and our granddaughter could be the girl we didn’t have, and that basically it would be a tribute and give new meaning to the name and stuff. But that’s not how it works, children can’t just be replaced. I admit I perhaps overreacted, but I snapped back and basically said that Evelyn can’t just be replaced like that.
While she wasn’t born, she was real and not some title that can be rebranded. And that while she can name Eve what she wants, it’s not some beautiful act for her unborn sister. Max got angry and we argued. He basically said that it’s their choice, and we should******* up and I agreed but said that doesn’t mean we can’t be hurt by it, and that it’s cruel to act like I should be happy.
It didn’t go well, and Laura asked them to leave us to just process it.
I still don’t like them naming their daughter Eve, and I do want them to change it. But obviously, I can’t make them. Amy and I managed to kind of make up (and mostly avoid the issue).
However, Max and Laura have dug in. Max doesn’t want her involved with Eve if she can’t just accept their decision. Laura basically thinks that they’re being cruel and must change the name, or else she won’t be involved. I’ve tried to just stay out of it and be there for Amy.
However, Max constantly makes remarks and reminders, basically making it clear it’s their decision, and Laura and I need to butt out.
It seems the fighting got to Amy and she wants to name Eve something else. Max came to us last night and was furious.
He called us manipulative and controlling and that it was disgusting for us to force Amy not to name her daughter what she wanted. It didn’t end well, and Max eventually left and hated us.
Amy isn’t happy and feels even more conflicted. I basically told her to just do what she feels is right.
I’ll support Amy in whatever decision she makes, but honestly, I agree with Laura. But it’s ruining everything and I’m starting to think we should never have said anything.”
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry for your loss, but YTJ. You had never told your daughter about your Evelyn.
She came to love that name for her own daughter and wanted to share it with you. It is a coincidence, and your granddaughter will never replace your daughter, and that comment was unfortunate. But there are going to be more babies being named Evelyn, as you do not own it.
You should be ashamed of yourselves for trying to persuade your daughter to change the name she wanted for her baby and probably go to therapy or grief counseling over the loss of your unborn daughter.” inkandpaperbookworm
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except Amy.
First, Amy didn’t know about your Evelyn. I don’t doubt this reminder was painful, but rather obviously neither Amy nor Max is responsible for that – they didn’t know.
You and your wife suffered a real loss, but you are now wrecking your daughter’s pregnancy experience because of it.
She knew nothing about your Evelyn. She probably put a lot of time and effort into choosing a name, picked one she loved only to find out it was connected to a loss she didn’t know about, and now her parents are using words like ‘hurtful’ and ‘cruel’ to describe this choice and your own wife is refusing to be involved in her grandchild’s life unless a different name is chosen.
Amy’s remarks were unfortunate, but it sounds to me like she was trying to make this easier for you and her mother. Look at it from her perspective – she was excited to share her baby’s name with her family, she finds out it’s the same name you gave a child you lost, you’re both clearly upset about it, and she was just reaching for anything that would resurrect this as the happy event it should have been.
As you describe him, Max doesn’t sound like much of a peach either, but his actions could be interpreted as trying to defend Amy against a really outsized reaction on the part of you and your wife, and, frankly, emotional manipulation.
Look, OP. It is very sad that you lost your Evelyn.
But you have a living daughter, and soon, a grandchild. Do you want to lose them too?” Cultural-Ambition449
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate To Always Hang Around Me And My Partner?
“I (19F) have recently started going out with my now ex-hook-up buddy ‘Jeff’ (20M). We have only been together for about six months and every time we hang out together my roommate/friend ‘Emily’ always tags along.
At first, it was chill because I never saw it more than my roommate just hanging out with friends in the spaces that she also pays for. But in the past two or three months, it’s felt weird. Her hanging out with us in our place?
Fine! I mean she also pays for it so who am I to tell her what to do? But ANY TIME I start getting ready to go out with Jeff, she takes it as a sign to also start getting ready without even asking me and suddenly ambushing my significant other and me.
We never have any ‘private’ time in my room, on dates, or literally anywhere. She feels like an ever-looming shadow.
About a month ago I sat her down and politely asked if she could possibly stop tagging along ALL of the time. I explained how I still want her there but I would like to have private moments and hangouts with my SO.
She wasn’t mean but she got very pouty and started crying about how I was being unfair and that she also wanted to have a chance to ‘get out of the apartment as well’. I was confused by this because she goes out ALL of the time with our other friends.
However, this all came to a grinding halt this morning.
My SO planned a beautiful picnic for us on the beach so I started picking out my bathing suit/outfit and doing my makeup. When my SO arrived she immediately caught on to what was happening, got excited, and told us ‘Oh!
I’ll go change, wait for me I’ll be out in fifteen!’ Before she could run off I stopped her and asked her to talk in my room. I told her that as much as I love being with her, I want this day to just be my SO and me because he’s worked so hard on making it a special day.
She threw a FIT. Crying and yelling at me about how I’m ‘unfair’, ‘selfish with my SO’s time’, and ‘mean’. She ran out of the room telling my SO about how unfair I was being and asking if he really cared that much if she came.
He’s shy about confrontation so he just stood there awkwardly and by this point I was MAD. She put my SO in an uncomfortable situation, which I tried to avoid. So I took our stuff and left without saying another word.
It is now 7 pm and I have received all sorts of texts from our friends and Emily.
Half on my side saying she overstepped and the other half telling me I was unfair. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Crazy roommates have always existed – but where are you finding your friends that half of them are siding with her in this situation?
Have none of them ever heard of boundaries?
Stop telling her where you’re going. Meet your SO outside your apartment to go. Dress in a phone booth like Clark Kent if you have to. Because roommate has made it perfectly clear that she’s not going down easy on this.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is just… weird. The whole thing is weird.
Does she have a crush on your SO? Did they used to go out? When he was just a hook-up buddy did he ‘hook-up’ with her? Are you also sure that you and him are exclusive?
I just can’t get over how genuinely weird this situation is. I can’t possibly imagine a situation where I would even assume I was invited to another person’s outing without being asked, never mind tagging along on someone else’s date.
NTJ for sure.
You were really discreet and polite about it. Set boundaries girl, and keep being a respectful queen!” Anithia13
16. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend Financially?
“I graduated high school 20 years ago. My high school BFF and I moved to different cities, but we tried to see each other when we visited those cities (maybe 10 times over those 20 years) & they were one of my bridesmaids.
I recently moved to their city and was excited to touch base. When they reached out on social media, asking if any friends with a car would be willing to help pick up a recent Kijiji purchase, I volunteered. We had a fun day driving around, catching up, and hauling the enormous armchair they’d bought.
We talked about our respective spouses. I’d recently started seeing someone, & although I’d never have chosen them for financial reasons, I confessed it was a relief to have someone financially stable. My ex had only worked on and off for about 60% of our 17-year relationship.
I had never let on to friends or family how bad it got or how close we were to the bottom.
When my friend talked about their new partner, it turned out that their partner had recently broken their leg. We live in Canada where medical expenses are covered, but they had to rent a wheelchair as they both work min.
wage jobs with no insurance. They mentioned friends and family had been donating to their go-fund-me. I said that was nice of them, but I missed the hint.
Any time I attempted to initiate a hang-out after that I was ghosted. After a few weeks, I stopped. Several months later they messaged to say they were having some mental health issues and they’d let me know when they felt better.
I sent a cute video to cheer them up and went about my life.
Recently a mutual friend reached out asking if I’d heard about my high school BFF’s posts on a social media platform I’m not on. The first one was about how their partner had been promised reparation money related to the mismanagement of local pride parade funds, but the process was too slow.
They were asking for donations from friends and family to tide them over in the meantime.
The second post was about how upset they were that not only were people not donating, but they were ‘gossiping’ about my high school BFF and their spouse and saying they were greedy.
They said they were tired of letting people walk over them their whole lives and that if people weren’t willing to help they were cutting them out.
I put two and two together and realized I was probably cut out when I missed my cue to donate over the wheelchair thing.
I am in a stable financial position these days. I probably could help out. But it never occurred to me because when I was living in poverty I never asked this friend for money, and they never offered. But part of that is on me because I didn’t discuss my situation much and they do.
AITJ for not contributing? I have the means, we’ve simply never had that kind of friendship and it didn’t occur to me. And there’s a small part of me that worries that there will always be a ‘next time’ with this couple and that if I donate now I’ll be supporting them forever or risk being cut off again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Friends and money don’t mix, and it looks like they are using GoFundMe to survive. You were already helping him, just in a different way – picking up a chair. I suspect he’ll need you again someday and be back.
Your choice on whether that’s a pro or con. Don’t worry about the social media posts. Your own character will be what makes people decide about you.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not a mind reader. If she wanted you to donate, she should’ve swallowed her pride and asked you directly.
If you don’t get this type of hint, that’s completely normal. If he asked you, maybe you’d donate, maybe you wouldn’t. And anyway, as people here always say, it’s your money, they shouldn’t be entitled. Plus it really seems that they reconnected only to get something out of you (services (the armchair) and money).
Which proves that you shouldn’t feel sad about losing them.” OngoingHypothesis
15. AITJ For Walking Out On My Mom?
“My mom’s 48, she lives in the same city as me. I live with my partner. I needed to pick people up on Tuesday at 7:30. I want to give myself buffer time so I want to leave by 6.
My mom asked me to move a closet for her on Tuesday night. After some failed negotiations, I agreed to be there around five. I’ll have an hour.
I call her before I leave work to clear the way and empty the closet. I’m at her doorstep at 5:05 or something.
I come in and to summarize, she needs me to read letters for her, eat something she cooked specifically for my visit, change a light, move some boxes, tell her where I’m going that I’m in such a rush, show her on google maps so she can see.
I reminded her several times about the closet, and I had to leave at 6.
At 5:37, we finally get to the closet. The path isn’t clear, the closet isn’t empty. I pointed out, very patiently, that I reminded her to get this done before I came over.
She says she misunderstood me, and also she forgot, I should have specified ‘which closet’ when reminding her and she would have known and remembered.
‘… Mom, how am I supposed to do that when I didn’t know which closet to begin with? Was my reminding you to prepare THE closet you want me to move not enough?’
As we’re cleaning the closet, she complains that I’m nagging at her when she’s an old woman who needed me to move a closet and I should have been more clear.
Now I’m annoyed. I ask her again, ‘Mom, how am I supposed to remind you which closet when I never knew?’
She says I should have asked.
I know she’s just saying whatever comes to mind, but NOW I get mad. I tell her that’s nonsense, I should have asked which closet to better remind her, but she can just straight up forget which closet my reminder is about?
We get into an argument over this. Neither says anything extremely hurtful, it’s just an argument.
I finish (she stopped halfway) and tell her I’m literally done and ready to move it, there’s no need for me to argue. I need to go. Where do I put the closet?
She’s still in argument mode. She does this stupid thing she does where she very angrily, passive-aggressively, says ‘Yeah, you’re right! I’m the one at fault! Only me, it’s always me! You’ve never done anything wrong!’ She doesn’t show me where. I look at the clock and tell her that I am already running late, I am going to walk out the door at 6:20.
We have five minutes. Show me where the closet goes.
Well, five minutes pass and it’s 6:20. She’s in the living room, so I go and ask her one last time. She gives me the silent treatment, so I make for the door. She says to wait, and I say nope, I’m already late.
I’ll come back tomorrow.
I went back tomorrow to move the stupid closet but she’s still mad.
AITJ for just walking out after she told me to wait? I know she’s the jerk for everything before that. But she answered five seconds after I asked for the last time, and I arguably still had ten minutes of my buffer time, but I’d had enough of her time wasting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I can’t believe you went back the next day.
Dude, your mom is 48 years old, not ‘an old woman’. She was perfectly capable of planning for your visit, clearing the closet, and USING HER WORDS.
On top of the cluster of tasks she made you wade through… after having a tantrum, she gave you ‘the silent treatment’ for five deliberate minutes when you tried to finish the ONE task you came over to do.
Which is a grossly disrespectful treatment for any adult, let alone a person who specifically came over to do her a favor.
There is no obligation for a person who has been ignored and disrespected for five minutes to ‘wait’ and, what, soak up more of the same treatment?
Five minutes is plenty.
But she’s only 48, so maybe trainable… maybe. Every time you get disrespect from now on OP – tantrum, silent treatment, accusations, whatever… use your feet and WALK OUT, just like you did. She’ll learn to use her words in a more adult fashion, or you’ll have far fewer tasks to do in her place.
Good luck!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom sure is! You were doing her a favor and she couldn’t even do the simple things you asked for. She couldn’t remember to clean the closet she wanted you to move but remembered to do other pointless things that had nothing to do with the task she asked you to do.
That’s just crazy lol. She didn’t know which closet to clean out? What? Your mom just sounds insufferable like what a complete lunatic! Then to pick a fight and play the victim? And you even still went back the next day. Next time just say no it seems like she’ll never be satisfied no matter what you do.” User
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Baby Daddy Visit My Daughter?
“I (35F) have a daughter, Sienna (15F). She is an amazing kid and I’m so lucky and grateful for her but my pregnancy was definitely not planned and my baby daddy who we’ll call Allen was not a very good guy. We were friends in high school and started going out when I was 19 and he was 20.
At that point, I had already had my license in cosmetology from BOCES and was working in a salon. He was unemployed and living with his grandma but moved in with me after a few months. I supported him financially and even helped him get a car by putting my name on the registration.
And then I got pregnant.
All throughout my pregnancy I worked full time while he did nothing. Anyway, after I had my daughter he left for almost a year and then came back begging for another chance. I let him back and then he repeated the same thing over and over again until Sienna was 4, the last time he left he didn’t come back and I was at peace with this.
I raised Sienna basically on my own and we are very happy. He has paid minimal child support through the years and sent some cards anytime he remembered. I won’t even get into the misery he put me through but I wholeheartedly hate this man.
Fast forward to last week. I was at work when I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize, so I ignored it. The number calls again and this time I pick up and it’s Allen. He got my number from a mutual friend on social media and called to ask if he could start seeing Sienna, swearing that he changed and was ready to start fresh.
I knew he hadn’t changed much at all based on the fact that with minimal internet stalking you would find that I am now 1 of 3 baby mamas and his youngest kid is only 2. And he is still couch hopping and apparently hasn’t held a job for more than a few months.
I denied his request. I know Sienna has always felt abandoned by him and hurt that he left her and I knew he would do it again and I don’t wanna put her through that again.
He said I’m being a selfish jerk and I shouldn’t take away my daughter’s chance to have a relationship with her father just because I don’t like him.
He is threatening to take me to court and I’m scared. I don’t wanna put Sienna through this and I feel horrible. My sister thinks I should see how it goes to give Sienna a chance to have a father figure but I just don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s bluffing – he’s not going to take you to court. A lawyer costs money. Court costs money. This guy is not going to spend money on that. However – you should talk to your daughter about all this.
Calm and just the facts.
Also, tell her your concerns, that he has other kids, that you’re worried he’ll abandon her again, and don’t want to see her hurt. She’s 15. She’s old enough for facts, and then at least she’ll be prepared if he does disappoint her.
Then the two of you can decide what to do together. If she wants to meet him, make it a supervised visit at first. Honestly, this guy is a drifter and will probably drift on out of your life soon enough.” maidenmothercrone333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As for court, here’s what the court is most likely to do: look at his abandonment of her, his lack of a stable living place or job, and his lack of involvement in her life, and officially give you 100% custody. At most, he’ll get some limited visitation – he doesn’t have a place for her to live, so he won’t get custody.
That’s the MOST they’ll do.
If you talk about the trauma to you and her of the multiple times he sailed in and out of your life, and the fact that you fear he’ll do exactly the same thing, digging the scars even deeper, there’s a chance he won’t even get that.
At her age, they’ll want to talk to her about what she wants, so make sure you know that before things start.” KaliTheBlaze
13. AITJ For Kicking My Long-Time Friend Out Of My House?
“I’ve known this guy since elementary school, and he moved back from another state so I told him he could live in one of my spare bedrooms (he is 25 and I am 26, both males).
He has been here for about 10 months.
The first 8 months were fine, and then he got a girl. I work from home, and I almost got fired because I work with documents that have sensitive info and have to do lots of Zoom calls with clients.
He gets into a screaming match with his mom on the phone. He is in the living room right next to my office. I came out yelling at him (not my proudest moment) that I could get fired if he did something like that while I was on an important Zoom call.
He told me I was overreacting only for him to go outside and continue his loud phone call. That was the first issue.
The second one that led me to tell him he has 30 days to move out was today. He was sick for 3 days and stayed in his room except to eat (which is perfectly fine).
Well, he was feeling better today finally and said he was going to hang out with his significant other. My ONLY rule when he moved in was to let me know if he was going to have people over which he agreed to.
Well, he shows up with his SO, who is in worse shape than he was at the height of him being sick.
I told him calmly that it was very rude to just bring her here, and on top of that she was SICK! I don’t want more chance of getting sick because he can’t spend 5 days away from her. He said I was a jerk for not letting him spend time taking care of her, to which I replied in an angry tone, ‘SHE LIVES ALONE, GO TO HER PLACE!’ That’s when I told him I wanted him out in 30 days.
I don’t feel one bit bad about how rude he has been treating me over the last 2 months with little rude comments he makes my way. So… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think his behavior is extremely rude, especially considering your job requirements.
Sounds like he is taking advantage of the space you let him use, and he may be getting too comfortable. LOL. It seems unnecessary to scream on the phone to his mommy when his roommate is on an important call for work when he could easily take his phone call elsewhere.
Also, why would he bring his sick SO over to your house when she lives alone… LOL.” adioshomie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 30 days might be a little quick. But his SO lives alone right, he could always crash there until he finds a place. Living together didn’t work, but you still want to be friends, yeah?
It’s a 14-year friendship, I probably would have given him a little more time so as to not wound the friendship any further.
Other than that, you are absolutely allowed to be mad. He was ridiculous. Living with anyone is super tough! That’s why they say living with friends is usually a bad idea.
And it also makes you understand why we all got so mad at our siblings.” User
THEN, haha, yeah, it gets better. THEN, he gets sick as a dog, and as he recovers he realizes he's given it to his partner and they're doing worse than him. In the middle of the head fog and concern for his partner (who is sick with the same thing so what difference does it make if you didn't mind your friend being sick with it??) he brings them back to look after them. And suddenly you're yelling at him again??? Sounds like you got anger issues dude. If you don't want to share the space then don't but don't blame it on these 2 very minor issues. The only reason I said everyone sucks here is because friend did agree to the terms, which makes him the jerk to himself. Friend should have waited until he was ready to enter into a proper lease agreement before moving over. At least you gave him the 30 days, but I would not have advised him moving in at all under your strict conditions if he was paying rent, but even if he's not, your reactions are so over the top! Just charge him rent or let him live his life, you can't have it both ways.
12. AITJ For Leaving A Stranger Alone On The Street While She Was Wasted And Helpless?
“I’m a man in my early 40s. Last night I was in the area where all of the clubs etc. are. Pretty sober. I bumped into a woman I don’t know all that well, but she’s an acquaintance. She was with another young woman. I said hello to her and had small talk.
Both seemed reasonably sober at this point. The woman I know then said she had to go home. She asked me if I’d stay with the other woman and make sure she gets in a cab ok. She said ‘She’s only 19, so please look after her’.
I wasn’t really thrilled about this, for a few reasons. I don’t know the girl at all. The queue for a cab was very long and slow-moving. I wanted to get home myself (walk). I feel like if you’re out with someone, you have more responsibility for them than someone who was not a part of their night.
Also felt a bit weird being visibly a lot older than this girl and hanging around her. I did say yes because I didn’t want to be a jerk.
I stood around with her, making small talk. And out of nowhere she starts crying, saying she feels really ill and thinks she’s going to die.
Everyone was looking. I asked her if she needed an ambulance and she didn’t really answer. She just sat on the floor crying and panicking. I felt bad for her, but very awkward. There was a man and woman in front of us, who started trying to calm her down.
I really wanted to leave, so I just walked off without saying anything.
Today I get a text from the woman I know. ‘Can’t believe you left her alone! I asked you to make sure she gets in the cab’. I said ‘Sorry, but it wasn’t really my responsibility.
You’re the one that left her and put me in an awkward position. There were people around her making sure she was ok. Is she ok now?’ She told me she was ok, but said I still was ‘out of order’ for just leaving her in that state.
I stopped responding. So, give it to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The other woman should have stayed with her. Also, if the young woman had taken any illegal substances and the other woman knew about it, that would be worse.
You should have said no. If you didn’t want to take a cab, you could have said that.
But after it became clear that she wasn’t in good shape to get home without help, you should have stayed, maybe offered to call her parents for her or something.” serioushobbit
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: She never ever should have asked you to stay with her 19-year-old friend.
Who does that? She went out with her and she should have stayed with her, but she asked a much older man who she kind of knows to stay with a young woman he doesn’t know at all.
You never should have said yes. But you did.
So you needed to stay until she was in a cab, but you left when she had a panic attack. Jerk move.” debdnow
11. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Wedding?
“My brother (34M) and I (22M) have always been in each other’s lives, but only really began getting close a few years back. When I was in the 3rd grade, he was already out of the house and I would only see him for family gatherings or holidays so it was kind of hard to build that sibling bond given that we had really nothing in common except our family and since he is a very independent person, it made things even more difficult.
However, when I was around 18 and got my own apartment, I invited my brother over to check it out. He ended up staying the night and we ended up going over to each other’s places at least once every week to kind of make up for the lost time I guess.
Things got really weird when he got a significant other (who is now his wife). They started going out when I was about 20 and depending on the month, my brother was either 32 or 33. Prior to this, I was the one who told him he needed to get back out there before no one would want him (joking, of course).
He took my advice.
After about a month or two of his awful stories with women, he finally found ‘the one’ which seemed very off-brand of him. But of course, as his brother, I was supportive.
After about a year or two of being together, he popped the question, and the wedding is planned to be this upcoming weekend.
However, it seems like the past few years of me being there for him and being as encouraging as possible have been for nothing. He doesn’t visit anymore, he doesn’t text, he doesn’t call. I literally received an invite in the mail.
I of course put it on my fridge, but it is all out of nowhere. I called him to ask about the wedding since it is a huge milestone, but I went to voicemail. It was Wednesday of last week I called and he picked up.
He seemed annoyed that I was calling him and when I congratulated him, he said ‘Thanks, was that really why you have been blowing up my phone?’ And hung up. I texted him that I wouldn’t be attending for many reasons and he responded by saying how I was a waste of a brother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Getting into a new relationship doesn’t mean you toss out the old ones. You can still make time for everyone important in your life, maybe not that often because you’re making time for a new relationship, but reasonable enough that it doesn’t look like you’re vanishing into thin air.
Especially given that you guys bonded over 2 years till he got into a relationship (I hope this was the cause and not any issues between you two).
No one’s that busy to even take a phone call or invite their own brother via mail. MAIL!
You can bless them back via mail.” AyaBee90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for having feelings that are very valid.
I’d give you some life advice though. Your brother is obviously going through some really heavy stuff right now. You should make your face seen at the ceremony and leave after the first dance.
This is so there is no blowback drama because you really aren’t taking a major stand on anything by not going in the eyes of your brother. It will be seen as petty and now you get to tell the story that you were gracious.
A hero even under fire. Etc etc.” LongNectarine3
10. WIBTJ If I Uninvite My Mom From My Wedding And Tell Her I Don't Want A Relationship With Her?
“My mother has had issues with mental illness for my whole life – she has borderline personality disorder and has used drinking as her coping mechanism rather than seeking treatment.
Every single major event in my life has been either dealing with a blowout from her or walking on eggshells to keep her happy enough not to cause a scene.
She has not been civil to my father (or my stepmother) since their divorce 16 years ago, despite her being the one who had an affair, she has animosity towards my future MIL even though they’ve never met, and she does not talk to or support any of the relatives on her side and insists she’s the black sheep of the family.
Truthfully, we are all just so tired of her.
Despite all this, I wanted to do my best to let her enjoy the wedding since I’m her only daughter. She was trying to be more civil to others and told me she stopped drinking three months ago.
Saturday was my bridal shower. It was going to be a great time for her to meet my future MIL and stepmom, and she was going to be spending time with the other relatives she doesn’t typically get along with. The morning of, she calls me crying saying she can’t come.
She wouldn’t say why. Okay fine, nothing I can do by that point.
During the shower, she calls and tells me she’s not feeling well. She tells my aunt she was sick. The shower goes great without her.
Fast forward to yesterday. Turns out she wasn’t sick – she was on a bender and later that evening got arrested for DUI (her third one in my lifetime).
She spent the night in jail and is now pretending she was sick and won’t admit that she got arrested or that she lied to me about being sober for months. My brother said she has been drinking the whole time (I live out of state so had to take her word for it).
With all this in mind, the idea of being anxious my whole wedding (where there will be liquor) while waiting for the other shoe to drop is not fair to me, my fiancé, or anyone else in attendance. She’s proven she can’t behave and makes everything about her.
Would I be the jerk if I uninvited her from my wedding in September and told her I’d rather not maintain a relationship with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. People with BPD only care about themselves and how they feel at an event, and you will not enjoy your wedding because you will either be holding your breath waiting for her to cause chaos, or you will be holding her hand to make sure she feels like the most important person in the room the entire day.” norismomma
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I agree with you that it doesn’t seem like she is healthy enough to attend (assuming she even showed up) and I would need some evidence that she can be civil to the people who attend. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
I’ve been there and, as much as it hurts, found a clean break to be the healthiest choice for me and my family. Is there a bit of a lingering wound that won’t heal? Yes. But it isn’t getting ripped open anymore. I hope your wedding is lovely!” yachtiewannabe
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help Take Care Of My Brother Anymore?
“I (20f) still live at home with my parents and little brother (12m). I work full time, saving up to move out and go back to school and get a car, my parents both DoorDash since my dad recently lost his job, my mom is unemployed and right now my brother is on summer break.
Just to start I pay rent, and I’ve been paying a lot lately since I’m the only one making a consistent income. My parents are literally never home. They rarely bring food or buy groceries, and when they do they don’t bring any for me.
Anytime I’m not working they want me home to take care of my brother and make sure he’s okay. 90% of the time I don’t mind since I’m home anyway, but sometimes I have plans with my friends or my significant other and I can’t stay home.
When this happens my mom gets really mad, she’ll say this is all they ask me to do (It’s really not) and that I’m selfish. She won’t talk to me for days at a time and usually she’ll block my phone number too.
She also asks me to either make or buy my brother food multiple times a week. Again, usually I do, but sometimes I either don’t have money or I’m not home to make him something since I’m busy or at work.
I have done so much of the raising of my brother since he was born.
I was 8 and taking care of a newborn by myself since my parents would wanna go out. I had subconscious resentment of him for a long time that I worked hard to get over, but because of this I never wanted kids since I felt like I kinda already went through it and I hated it.
Today my mom bought a nice lunch for everyone but me and when I asked why she said because I don’t help out with my brother. I got mad and told her her how much I do for him and she pretty much just gaslit me and said I don’t do anything and I never get him food.
I didn’t wanna fight about it so I just said okay and asked if the next time they get food they could just call and let me know so I can send them money to get me something so I have something to eat and all she said was ‘Do you have anything else to complain about?’ And then left.
Now I just don’t want to help them out at all and make them actually have to take care of my brother instead of making me do it. Would I be the jerk if I just stopped helping completely?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But don’t confront them – it won’t do a bit of good.
Very quietly, make sure you have all your papers together (birth certificate, passport if you have one) and make arrangements to live elsewhere.
Once everything is in place, present it as a done deal: ‘I’ve found a new place to live, I will be moving out on X date’ and then brace yourself for guilt trips and shaming until you actually get out.
They have no reason to change when you’re giving them everything they need from you and more.
But the more you have organized and done before you move out, and the less time between when you tell them and when you’re out, the easier the process will be, for you.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to get out of there. Your mom is treating you poorly. The gaslighting is unacceptable.
I hope it’s possible. How much rent are you paying? Could you rent a room elsewhere for the total amount of money you pay now?
If it’s not possible, tally up the money you spend on food for your brother, with receipts, and deduct it from your rent. You are being exploited. Your mom wants it both ways: you are expected to act as a parent to your brother, and simultaneously your work and money paid are not even acknowledged.” anonymous_for_this
8. AITJ For Asking The Landlord If I Could Use The Second Garage?
“I am currently renting a room in a big house by my work.
The house is so big that it has two garage spaces; the other tenants (a couple) share a car because they work together and they often park in the garage. This was never offered to me and it wasn’t that big of a deal until I noticed that there was gonna be a lot of rain in the forecast.
I was talking with the couple and the guy asked why I didn’t park in the garage. I told him that I had no idea it was allowed but I wanted to ask because of the rain. I know that your car is going to get wet anyway but I would rather not have to run out to my car when it’s raining if I don’t have to.
I would even be willing to pay extra for garage space.
The landlord came by and I asked if I could speak to him privately about a matter. We spoke about the garage and that I would love it if I would be able to park in there when it rained. The second garage space is not used and I think it would be awesome if I could use it.
He claimed that it would not be fair to him and his wife (the landlords) or the tenants. He said that they needed to have a place to park their car if they ever came by. I told him that I would be happy to move when I knew that they were coming because they always texted and let us know.
He said no and claimed that I was being selfish. The female of the couple got involved and said that I was not being selfish and if anything she and her partner were the ones who should not have had the garage space because they were hardly ever home.
The landlord got upset at her and eviscerated her so badly that she cried. I found out yesterday morning that they are going to be moving out.
My roommates and I met for dinner last night; they said that I was absolutely in the right for asking and that I am paying the same as them so I should be able to use the garage.
They also said that maybe I could use their space when they left. I’m happy that I stood my ground and advocated for what I felt was fair, and I don’t believe that I was being selfish, but I feel guilty for letting my roommates get involved and escalating it to a point where they felt like they had to leave.
They said I was totally fine and they even offered to try to find a two-bedroom so I could come to move with them, but I still feel guilty. I don’t want my landlord to retaliate on anyone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your landlord is behaving incredibly poorly treating you all like that.
He can refuse to let you use the parking space (that’s his due if it’s not in your agreement, whether you’re paying the same money monthly as others or not) but his rudeness is never acceptable.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a conversation and a question.
And landlord’s weird logic confused the issue. I’d move with the others if practical. Get a clear understanding upfront on such spaces whenever possible.” 4cougs
7. AITJ For Being Creeped Out By My Best Friend's Partner?
“I (28F) have been best friends with J (27f) for almost 16 years.
About a year ago she began going out with this guy (55) who quickly moved in and has to be a part of everything she chooses to do. (he does not work and mooches off her) The only way he isn’t is if it’s an event where tickets are purchased. Now onto the issue.
She has purchased her own home (her name only thankfully!)) and has asked my help in cleaning/painting and decorating. I told her I could but needed to look for a place to stay. She told me I could stay with her. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her partner, thus I wouldn’t be.
(I have told her before as to why) Now her partner is, plain and simple, a creep. He will announce loudly in front of her that he wants to see me and my best friend hook up (we never have), and will always talk about my body to the point where I will no longer wear anything but an oversized sweater.
Or in general, hits on other women in front of her and gets mad if I call him out for being disgusting.
Now she is all mad at me, saying that is who he is and is harmless and that I need to respect her choices and that means her being with him.
Like ok, I respect that but I don’t need to be in the same house with someone who makes me extremely uncomfortable. My husband 100% backs me up on this and so do some of our friends. Others are saying that I need to understand where she is coming from because he is from an older generation and that’s just who they are.
Like no they aren’t, both my dad/bonus dad are the same age and would knock this guy’s lights out if they knew what he has said to me.
So AITJ for telling my best friend the truth she already knows about her partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is harassment and you don’t have to be subjected to that ever, regardless of how old and skeevy someone is.
The problem is that your friend is clearly not thinking clearly. You could lose the friendship if you’re too blunt with her.
Do you want to save your friendship?
When I’ve had friends going out with disastrous men, I avoid directly criticizing the men, I simply ask careful questions about how the behaviors of those men make my friend feel, gently interrogate what they want, and make gentle suggestions that they think about what’s important to them, etc. And I listen.
And listen. And listen. I let them know I’m there for them.
However, in this instance, this guy is actually harassing you… so I think you need to step up a level and find the language and tools to gently tell her that.
I think you need to work out kind ways to tell her that he is harassing you and disrespecting her and that you really don’t want to be around him, but you still love her.
Basically, ask her to separate her time spent with him and her time spent with you.
I think you need to express that you respect her romantic choices, but she shouldn’t force you to spend time with her chosen partner when they are disrespecting you and making you deeply uncomfortable – to the point where you’ve changed the way you’re dressing.
Don’t give her an ultimatum, be sure to explain that you still love and support her. Make sure he doesn’t successfully isolate her from her friends. Ensure you’re in a position to be there for her when disaster strikes via this gross sleazoid.
If you can afford it, it might be a good idea to see a psychologist who can help you broach those subjects with her in a caring and considered way.” uselessinfogoldmine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is such a big age gap, that it’s clearly causing some kind of weird dynamic.
He’s more than old enough to be her father, & although I’m not saying that age-gap relationships can’t work, I think sometimes, it’s not the right time, & this sounds like one of those times.
You have every right to express why you feel uncomfortable, but until your friend sees him for what he really is, it’s going to be tough for you to convince her to the contrary.
I mean, you said he’s done & said stuff in front of her, so it sounds like she’s in pretty deep already if she’s willing to ignore all these glaring red flags…” Manson_Girl
6. WIBTJ If I Kick My Sister Out Of My House If She Doesn't Get Into The Military?
“My sister (20f) is living with me with her young baby as she is a single mom. I (27f) have 2 children of my own with my third on the way. She constantly asked my 7-year-old to help her parent her baby, hold him, feed him, make a bottle, and change diapers when I am not around and yes I have told her to do it herself.
My husband is on a rotation right now and will not be here to help. Not to mention she constantly tries to spend time with my two-year-old and pawn her baby on me (he is a lot younger not exactly ‘fun’ yet). She will come home from work, hold him for twenty minutes or until I get home, and then try to get me to watch him.
Or just leave him playing in whatever room I’m in. Even my own.
She has a job that she likes to call out of and misses her rent she promised to pay constantly because would rather go out with her friends all while I’m babysitting or taking the baby out for gosh knows how long.
She is trying to get into the military and is going to MEPs next month. I foresee one issue with her being able to join the military. It has to do with behavioral health (she sees a military provider so yes they will be able to see her records).
She is here because I was supposed to watch her baby while she was in training.
I’m up to my wit’s end. We aren’t close as we are half-siblings who didn’t get to know each other till really 3 years ago. She treats my kids badly.
She comes across as an angsty 15-year-old.
So would I be the jerk if I remind her she’s here because she is joining the military and if she cannot get in then she needs to have her own place figured out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is not healthy for you or your children. She is trying to parentify your oldest so she doesn’t have to watch her own child. She is doing a lot to avoid being a parent and a grown-up.
She may idolize your life, but it’s yours and not her situation.
You are setting yourself and your children on fire to keep her warm. You need to stop doing that.
If she gets into the military, where are she and the baby going to live?
Her living with you isn’t working. She needs to move out and get her own place and grow up and raise her kid.
She isn’t going to like you for doing this, but you don’t really have a bond anyway.
Your responsibility and priorities are your children and your husband and you, then her. She needs to go.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if she actually gets in the military, it will be even harder for her with a baby.
And she will need you even more than she does now.
Who will keep her baby while she is at boot camp? They don’t offer round-the-clock childcare, and the baby can’t come with her. If she deploys, who will keep her baby? If she has to work, and the baby gets sick, who will keep her baby?
She will have to PCS and have no control over where she has to move. She will have no support system at all if she is stationed far away from her family.
The military isn’t a good solution for a single mom with a baby.
They don’t give much accommodations to single parents.
Yes, she absolutely needs to both grow up and step up fast. No doubt about that. But, is the military really the best route for her?” tcrhs
5. AITJ For Wanting My Spouse To See A Doctor?
“My spouse (33f) has been telling me (32m) for several months that she has been experiencing very long periods, much more frequently than she is used to. It is to the point that she is on her period more than she is off. Now, I am definitely not a doctor, and neither is Google, but Dr. Google indicates that this isn’t a normal thing.
It could be due to something minor, but it could also be a symptom of something more severe. In either case, though, this is definitely frustrating my spouse and affecting her quality of life.
Now, my spouse has had some unsatisfactory experiences with doctors in the past – her complaints being ignored, she has been misogynistically dismissed, etc. She is very hesitant to see a doctor for any reason, and I have had to ask her many times to see a doctor in the past for other issues before she makes an appointment.
Today, my spouse mentioned that she had just started her period again, seven days after a 10-day period ended. After an admittedly brief ‘that sucks,’ I suggested that she call her doctor or set up an appointment because I’m getting seriously worried about her health.
She responded by reiterating her past bad experiences, and she insisted that she would be dismissed or ignored if she went to a doctor. I didn’t let it go and said that I was concerned about her health and that she should not need to live life constantly on her period.
In response, she told me that she didn’t want to be lectured or mansplained about what is normal – she wanted me to be sympathetic. She went up to bed early and now is refusing to respond to my apologies (over text, I don’t want to put her on the spot or force a confrontation while she is flooded).
AITJ for pushing this issue? I feel like my concern about her health is reasonable, and I would hate to see her ignore a serious or progressive condition based on her (totally valid) bad medical experiences. On the other hand, I get that telling a woman about how her body works based on WebMdD is maybe not a great look.
I feel like potential safety trumps potential sexism, but now I’m not sure if I did the right thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes all we wanna hear is ‘gosh, that sucks’.
But as someone with agonizing and heavy and just awful periods… She needs to advocate for herself and find a doctor that’s going to listen.
Sure she’s gonna push back but our lady bits are so often overlooked and brushed aside that it’s easy to end up frustrated. And it can take multiple visits to find a good doctor. Be gentle but firm and let her know you’re asking her to go because you love her.” ThereIsntEnuffCwBll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Frustration with past bad experiences is 100% valid, but that doesn’t justify blatantly ignoring health concerns. Maybe you could suggest going with her for emotional support and advocate for her if her concerns are getting dismissed. Sexism is a nontrivial factor here, so as crappy as it is, having her husband there to advocate for her could be crucial to her getting the care she needs.
As someone who saw doctors for almost a decade for similar issues before I was taken seriously and diagnosed with adenomyosis, I completely understand why she might feel like it’s a waste of time and energy to pursue it, but that doesn’t mean her health and wellbeing isn’t worth the effort and frustration.
She is deserving of proper care and treatment.” kelsimr2
4. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Brother In My Own Apartment?
“I just lost my father and I’m already having a hard enough time.
My brother is 17 and I’m a 24-year-old female. A lot of the time I’m not at the apartment because I work and take care of my grandmother so I figured I would let my brother stay there.
But he has his significant other (17 years old as well), and a big dog over that I’m not allowed to have in my apartment since I already have two cats (although they are not there right now.) My mom sucks and didn’t raise any of her children right and I was raised by my dad who was an amazing man so don’t come for me due to the fact that he’s 17 and letting his SO stay over there.
I’m not his mother.
I set clear boundaries, no sleeping in my bed, cut things off when you’re done ’cause I’M THE ONE PAYING ALL THE BILLS CURRENTLY yet I come over and the TV has been on all night and find them both sleeping in my bed that I paid for.
I was nice enough to let him stay because my mom can’t let him stay with her cause she doesn’t even have a place of her own, and because his grandparents kicked him out and called the police on him (I paid his bond and bailed him out, LOL) He has nowhere to go.
I’m so over this. I don’t like being confrontational and my dad isn’t here to give me advice on what to say or how to go about it. My grandmother had a bad feeling and was mad about him staying with me, I guess she was right.
I wouldn’t mind if it was just him even though I’d still prefer him to not be in my bed. He does help and cleans the apartment but that’s all.
AITJ for setting boundaries and not letting my brother and his SO sleep in my bed and being mad about them using stuff freely and not offering to help with any bills?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, and I hate to be that guy, but you need to take a good look at your brother and decide if he is worth destroying your own mental health for. Because based on what you said here, that’s what is going to happen.
And that’s if he doesn’t get violent with you. I only mention the violence because you don’t say why his grandparents kicked him out/why he was arrested. I’d also say that the girl is under no circumstances allowed in your place anymore, and neither is the dog.
You are not your brother’s keeper. It is not your job to take care of him. Would it be nice if you could? Sure. But you can’t do that at the risk of your own well-being.” zeiaxar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, kick him and his SO out.
They are disrespecting you. The longer you let them walk all over you, the worse it will get.
My personal advice is don’t enable people by giving them what they should get for themselves. They will not lift a finger to become independent. Someone like him needs a kick out into the street, so he realizes what kind of jerk he is and that if he wants help, he needs to respect the person offering it.
If he wants to sleep with his SO, he should get a job and find a place to rent or rent a room. That will be a nice incentive for him since he clearly is not using his head to think.” ChewMyFudge
3. AITJ For Refusing To Sing To My Screaming Niece?
“My (14f) sister Della (19f) is in college. She took her 2nd semester off because she recently had a baby, Roxy (0f). She knows who the father is, but they aren’t in a relationship.
Della came back home for the semester break to make it easier for her.
Roxy has these ‘meltdowns’ (don’t have a better word) where she’s cranky, tired, and just screaming her head off. When I sing a certain song to her by a pop band I love, she calms down. I have to sing to her for an hour or more.
I am not a good singer, but Roxy likes it anyway.
It also works when she’s just normal fussy-crying. Della always hands Roxy to me when she cries, especially during her meltdowns.
Della and I had an argument a week ago, about the stupidest thing.
Della wanted me to stop singing a song under my breath while I was making myself a snack, and I said she couldn’t control me.
(It wasn’t about the noise, it was about her thinking that I’m a terrible singer and not wanting to ‘be subjected to that God-awful noise.’)
She told me that I was a selfish, lazy jerk who doesn’t care about anyone but herself, and I said that fine since my singing is so bad, I wouldn’t calm Roxy with it. She said fine.
On Thursday, when I got home from school, my parents were working and Roxy was having one of her meltdowns.
Della tried to hand me Roxy. I said no, my singing is crap and I didn’t want to subject anyone to it and walked away.
Then I hid behind the couch so she wouldn’t be able to force me into helping with Roxy. Della thought I’d gone to a friend’s, and didn’t look for me for a while until she decided to call me to see when I’d be home.
She heard the phone ring and was furious that I didn’t come out and help her.
My parents are telling me it was super immature to hide, Della is a stressed, sleep-deprived teenager and she needed me then and I wasn’t there for her. And now I don’t know.
They want me to apologize, and I don’t want to, but maybe I was just being petty and Della was just tired.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are also a teenager. I would have a conversation with your parents – without Della there – to discuss that you are a child.
Helping the family unit is things like doing chores (dishes, doing your own laundry, etc) or small things like putting groceries away when someone comes home from the store. It is not being the second parent to your sister’s child. The solution to a stressed, sleep-deprived teenage parent is not to add a stressed, sleep-deprived teenage aunt to the childcare mix.” UnApprovedActivities
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Della isn’t a teenager. At 18 she’s an adult now. You are legally a child, it’s not your role to look after her child. She has to learn the consequences of her actions and words. She called you selfish, lazy, a bad singer.
The consequence is that you no longer will ever sing for your niece to calm her down and you will literally live up to the words lazy, selfish, and jerk if she ever asks you for anything else. Simple. That’s what she thinks of you, then that’s what she gets.” Tantrums_and_Tiaras
2. AITJ For Telling The Server My Friend Has Two Kids?
“My long-time friend from college recently lost one of her sons. She used to have three but now she only has two. It has been devastating and had a huge impact on our community and friend group, as we all knew him well and were heartbroken to hear of his passing.
I have been supporting her through the loss day in and day out, and she has been leaning on me throughout the whole ordeal.
Well, earlier today we were out grabbing lunch together. The server was very talkative and friendly with us and would ask us a bunch of questions about our lives and make some good conversation.
She asked me how many kids I have and I said I have two. The server started asking questions about each of the kids, their ages, what they’re doing right now, etc.
I already kinda knew what was coming next, and she asked my friend the same question about how many kids she had.
I was fully gonna let her answer but she seemed very shocked by the question and didn’t say anything for like 30 seconds, to help her and avoid having a situation where we needed to bring up the loss of her kid, I quickly jumped in and said: ‘Oh she has two lovely kids and they’re very close with mine, we’ve basically grown up together’.
The server then asked about their ages and what they do now and I just gave quick short answers about them both and then told her I was pretty hungry and asked what other appetizers she recommended, to switch the conversation topic.
Once the server left, I asked my friend if she was okay and I could tell she was very upset.
She asked me why I did that and I apologized and said that it seemed like she was overwhelmed and I just wanted to switch the conversation topic but that I didn’t mean any harm. She threw cash on the table and left me, and before leaving told me that I was a jerk for disrespecting her late son like that.
I texted her as soon as she left apologizing and telling her that I definitely meant no disrespect and that I love her and would never intentionally try to hurt her. I haven’t heard from her all day, I even texted her husband telling him I was sorry but got a cold response in return.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Since she lost her kid so recently and is still not comfortable talking about it, it would have been more appropriate to change the subject and end the conversation instead of answering for her. She’s not ready to acknowledge she lost a child to a random stranger.
Really, it’s fine for servers to make small talk but they shouldn’t need to get so in-depth about your personal lives and you didn’t even have to answer all their questions. I don’t think you are a jerk, but I do think you were at fault for misjudging this situation, so very light YTJ.
It’s good that you apologized and it’s best to give your friend space for now.” subsroo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Don’t tell strangers personal information about other people’s children. I might have worked too many jobs with confidentiality, but it rubs me the wrong way how chatty people can be about other’s personal information.
If your friend wants to sit in silence, that is her choice. She doesn’t owe the random waitress her life story, the number of kids she has, etc.
You are allowed to have boundaries, even with friendly strangers. ‘Oh, that is kind of personal, but thank you.'” User
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Little Brother Anymore?
“I have divorced parents. I currently live with my mom and my mom’s partner, but my dad lives with his new wife whom we will call E.
E and I have never been close, to be honest, last year in July she wrote a 400-word paragraph to my mom on how much she despises me and doesn’t like the fact that I visit, even tho I do not visit to see her, I only visit to see my dad and my great-grandma (she lives with them) and absolutely have no interest in her.
Not only that, but she has set up rules my dad has to follow, and she made a list of things, that I found she wants done before her birthday. She basically manipulates my dad, and I am sure she uses him for money, anyway, now my relationship with my dad is being torn apart because of her manipulation.
For example, my grandpa had a 70th birthday that I only found out about because a relative had posted it on their social media. That I had no clue of, even tho they both went to it and didn’t even notify me + the worst part is that they had a wedding that ALSO I only knew about through relatives’ social media posts, turns out my stepmom only wanted to invite ‘important’ people, even tho I am her husband’s daughter.
I was pretty annoyed by that, but the real shocker came when she got pregnant. Neither she nor my dad said anything about it, I only found out through my grandma.
Then this summer, my half-brother was born, to be honest, I had no reaction but still congratulated them, because I am not a rude person.
Now here comes the part I am still mad about. I asked if I could visit my dad and turns out my stepmom wrote a response (I realized that by the way the message was written) which basically said that no ‘strangers’ are allowed at the moment.
I was mad. I am not anybody’s daughter anymore, and a stranger? So when a while later they invited me to see my half-brother, I just left them on read, and I haven’t replied since, It has been 2 weeks. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Be petty.
Apparently, you’re a stranger so why should a stranger go and meet this child? Also, I would start contacting his family and let them know how his wife is treating you, his daughter. Let them know that she’s saying that she doesn’t want you around and she doesn’t want you to see your father.
I guarantee you they might take her to court or intervene. Totally NTJ. I’m sorry that your father is so spineless that he’s allowing you to be treated this way. He will regret it but by then you will have moved on and become a totally amazing and awesome person like you already are.” Livetorun123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad and stepmother have made your place in the family clear. Leaving them on read was the right thing to do, you didn’t say anything that they can use against you. Pretty sure the visit has been requested because people are noticing that you haven’t met the baby yet and they need an on-demand happy family performance.
Don’t bother, you will never get to be a sibling to that baby because that’s not what they want. Focus on your happiness and peace of mind. Sometimes silence really is golden. Oh, and when your dad’s relatives ask why you haven’t met the baby yet, send screenshots of your stepmother’s texts.” Tannim44
