People Make Wild Confessions In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Making My Coworker Leave My House Early?
“I (19F) had a work party yesterday. I live very close to the place where it was held. My coworker (17F) doesn’t. If she wanted to catch the last train home, she would have had to leave the party at 10 pm or something. So my other coworker (21F) invited her to stay at her place for the night so that 17F could enjoy the party longer.
We end up in a club with a couple of people from work (17F and 21F included) after the party, when 21F says she has to get up early the next day. So 17F asks if she could stay with me instead. I was like “Yeah sure, I’ve got stuff to do too, but not as early as 22F.”
At the end of the night, 17F and I go to my house (she is complaining about how we have to walk 15 minutes, which gets on my nerves, but oh well). Fast forward to the next morning, we wake up. I make her coffee and breakfast. Around 11 am, I ask her how she will get home, and she says she has no way to get home because the buses aren’t going and her mom is working (she could go to her mom’s job, but she said she didn’t have the energy for that).
She could have thought of this the night before, in my opinion. So I tell her that I have a lot to do, but she doesn’t really acknowledge it and doesn’t move a muscle. I make suggestions, like going to a cafe or a park or just walking around the city, but she says she doesn’t have any money (not that you need money for a park or walking).
By this time, I was getting irritated with her, so I just start doing my tasks (cleaning, doing laundry, taking a shower) while asking her every now and again, “So have you made a plan yet?” She keeps responding with “no,” not asking me if she could spend the day at mine, just staying put on my couch.
At 2 pm (so after three hours of asking), I said I was going to feed my neighbor’s cat, and finally, she got her bags and left.
AITJ for not letting her stay? I also should add that my parents are getting home from vacation at 4 pm, so I wanted her gone and everything done by then.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can’t call her a jerk, she is 17, and she didn’t do anything outlandish. Although 17-year-olds need to be picked up by a parent after an event, not be crashing at random coworkers’ houses.” NancyNuggets
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s entirely possible your coworker didn’t register that she was overstaying her welcome until you said you had to leave to feed your neighbor’s cat. Your frustration is still understandable, but I wouldn’t consider anyone a jerk here (immature on her part, though). If you’re ever in this situation again, “I’m glad you spent the night and this has been so fun!
But now I need to do some stuff around the house, so you should probably head out unless you want to be bored,” should help.” author124
Another User Comments:
“ESH, and I have some notes to explain why. Your coworker is 17 and therefore still a minor under the law.
Depending on the country where you live, you could also be a minor or be already a young adult; your other coworker at 21 was the definite grown-up in the bunch, although yet a young, inexperienced one. Now here is the thing: when you or your other coworker 21F allowed her to stay with you, did any of you remember to first confirm if her parents were OK with it and if she had things organized for the following day?
Seems like you did not. You trusted her to act like a grown-up and be responsible and were acting friendly in that sense. In this way, you sort of became co-responsible for her, as she is a minor. Of course she overstayed her welcome, and any degree of common sense about when to leave as you stated the night before you also had things to do, implying she had to leave by then.
And in this sense, she was acting like a child, being clingy and irresponsible.
However, besides trying to have her leave, did you by any chance check if she was OK? And when she told you she had no means of transport nor could she go to her mother’s office, didn’t you inquire more about things?
Seems like you wanted her to just solve her situation and get out, and didn’t mind if she went alone in the city or wherever. Was it something she was even used to do, allowed to do, or comfortable with? I got a feeling that there might be more to the story on her side.
Usually, when teens act like that, there’s always something else in the background (you sure know this), so maybe she needed some kind of support and help but didn’t know how to ask. It’s not wrong of you to make her accountable for her situation and push her to find solutions.
She is old enough to start doing so. However, she is still a minor and I am sure your parents would understand and perhaps even help with the situation if she was still with you by their time of arrival. Did she go to a safe place when she left, or do you not even know that?
Have you seen her again after this?” Foundnemonowwhat
20. AITJ For Speaking Out Against My Mom's Role In Cancelling My Brother's Chicago Trip?
“My brother is coming back to the States after being overseas for a year. He is flying into Chicago where our parents will pick him up and drive him to their house a few hours away.
They’ll spend a few days at home and drive back to Chicago, spend the weekend, and then my brother will fly back out to his family down south.
They ended up canceling the weekend in Chicago, saying it’s cheaper to fly out somewhere else, it’s too expensive to stay in Chicago, and it’s a long drive (3 hours).
My brother would be paying for all, if not most, of the expenses in Chicago, namely the hotel and most dinners. My brother is obviously disappointed, as he wanted to stay in Chicago, but was convinced by his spouse and my parents to cancel the trip and hotel.
My brother wasn’t happy about it, but went along with everyone just to keep the peace and make life easier.
I was speaking to my mother about this, and I told her I thought it wasn’t right to convince someone to cancel their plans just because it makes other people’s lives easier.
I said that if the roles were reversed, I’d be just as upset if it were someone else’s plans that got canceled. Well, this blew up, and she said that I was calling her a bad parent and that I should be talking to everyone else about it, not just putting it on her.
I said that I would tell them if I spoke to them, but it came up during our conversation and I was just voicing an opinion.
She started crying and hung up on me. My brother says I wasn’t a jerk, but I still worry that I started drama over something that I’m not a part of.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… People should be able to at least hear other people’s opinions logically. Her emotional reaction has nothing to do with you. I don’t believe you questioned her as a parent, just as a person, and she needed to hear how it would have affected others.
Sometimes, I don’t realize when I’m being selfish until someone points it out. I mean, he’s been gone a year and she’s complaining about three hours.” Latter_Let_5047
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here. Money is a huge concern right now.
If your parents have to fill up with gas in Chicago, it costs over $6 a gallon, and the outskirt suburbs are just under $6. And then there are the toll roads leading to Chicago if you don’t want to take the longer, free routes. Plus, none of the ‘Chicago’ airports are in the part that most people consider Chicago.
If you leave at 3 AM, it’s only a 15-minute drive from downtown to Midway. If you leave at 3 PM, it’s an hour’s drive. I don’t know if your parents were planning on driving him to the airport after Chicago, but that adds a lot of stress, especially since you never know what road conditions are going to be like.
If it’s O’Hare, it’s farther into the west suburbs. It’s disappointing for a trip to get canceled, and your brother is allowed to feel upset over it, but I think there’s a lot that’s not being considered on everyone’s end.” Legal_Sprinkles_4695
Another User Comments:
“I may get downvoted for this but YTJ. Did your mom ask for your opinion? Did your brother ask for your help? He’s a grown man. He can fight for his own itinerary. The plans a few of your family members make are none of your business.” LLCoolBeans19
19. AITJ For Accepting Partial Payment For Unrequested Dethatching That Ruined My Lawn?
“A couple of years ago, my wife and I moved into a house with a yard. We both hate doing yard work, so we immediately hired a small local yard care business to do the work.
Generally, they did a fantastic job at a great price, and we were quite happy with the service.
Then one day, while we were out of the country for an extended period of time, they sent us a message that they had “dethatched” our yard and that it needed special watering to be done.
We were surprised because we had neither requested this service nor anticipated it, and because we were out of the country, we could not alter our lawn watering schedule as they were asking.
We came back home to find that the yard had become a mud pit.
What had previously been beautiful grass was now just mud. We let them know, and they attempted to plant seed, but it was too late in the season for it to grow.
Our yard stayed like this for 7 months until spring, when we told them that we needed it to either be fixed or we’d have to find another crew.
They came, planted seed, and it began to grow back.
Then, they sent us a bill for $400 for the “extra work”. We were confused by this because we never requested the dethatching in the first place and had assumed they would continue charging us the regular agreed-upon monthly amount while they repaired their error.
I called the owner and had a polite conversation with him, expressing my confusion and surprise at the bill. In the end, I agreed to pay 75% of what he was asking for the “extra work”, with the request that they try to improve communication with us in the future so we don’t run into a similar predicament.
He agreed, took the money, and then 2 days later, messaged us to tell us he wouldn’t work with us anymore.
This has me wondering: AITJ in this situation? Or am I correct in being frustrated by the surprise extra service, 7 months of an unusable yard, and extra charge?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It was a lack of communication, sure, but the company took it upon themselves to do it and then were surprised when you wanted them to put your yard back to how it was before this little experiment of theirs?
I’m not sure what they expect from you. This is bad business on their part, and I wouldn’t have given them anything at all. Their mistake should be covered by the company. If anything, you’re nicer than they deserved.” kaitlinmarshall07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They did work that you didn’t request, which made your yard unusable.
If they were there doing work every week or so, they would have seen that there was a problem and should have contacted you before you came home to a mud pit. They should have charged you to fix their mistake.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ask the company to provide the extra service, which directly resulted in them ruining your lawn. Unless you have really strange grass, dethatching isn’t something that’s time-critical. (It’s just using a thick rake to pull up the layer of dead grass on top of the dirt – it helps the ground breathe and absorb water.) I doubt that they dethatched it for free in the first place.
When the whole point of a lawn service is to not pay attention to your yard work, the company had better be sure they connect with the homeowner first.” Graflex01867
18. AITJ For Banning My Brother From Seeing My Son?
“A couple of months ago, I (29 M) came down with a crazy stomach bug the morning I decided to stay home to watch my son when my wife could not get out of work.
The bug really hit me after my wife left, and I was basically useless as a parent to my then 13-month-old. In desperation, I called my dad to please come help me, and he offered to take my son to his and my mother’s house for the day so I could recover.
Thankfully the worst of it passed by the evening, and my wife got home, so my parents dropped him off. While they were there, my dad expressed to me that my brother had stopped by “coincidentally” to pick up his mail, and my dad encouraged my brother to hold and kiss my son.
My brother has not spoken to me in almost 3 years after he blew up on me out of nowhere about my marriage. He said awful things about me, made baseless accusations about my wife, and disrespected our marriage, wishing ill on it, saying that he hoped someone would be unfaithful and we’d divorce.
He never apologized to me for it.
So I was not too pleased to hear that my brother had met my son and touched him, when he’s never even spoken to me or my wife, not even to congratulate us on my son’s birth. Because I was grateful for my dad helping out, I didn’t make it an issue with him.
So instead I contacted my brother directly and told him that he is not to put his hands on my son if he’s around him.
My brother immediately ran to my dad with that info, and my dad blew up on me, telling me that I was creating “hate” out of a “beautiful moment” and that I need to mend my relationship with my brother and stop “making problems.” I told my dad that I set the boundaries for my child and that my relationship with my adult sibling has nothing to do with him.
He snapped, cursed me out, hung up on me, and then ignored me the next two days.
Come to find out later that it was not a “coincidence” that my brother met my son, but that my father had actually orchestrated the meet up by encouraging my brother to stop by that day.
I feel disrespected and lied to, and for that I do not trust my son to be around my parents without me. He will no longer be going over there alone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To wish ill on anyone’s marriage is a jerk move, but to have that done to you by your own brother is another level of awful.
Your father should be orchestrating an apology from your brother for the things he said, not betraying the trust you had in him to care for your child as you would and ignoring the harm your brother caused. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I think you’re making the right decision. Both brother and father are malignant jerks.” FoodBabyBaby
Another User Comments:
“You 100% are NTJ, with family problems (I am all too familiar with). Those who do not respect the boundaries you set need to be limited. If they don’t see their mistake, which generally people do not, your boundaries are still in place, but your family (or friend regardless of the situation) won’t be.
Your dad crossed a line and your choice is valid. While it is painful to cut off family, toxicity comes in all forms. Your parents crossed a line and your wife has parents with no major issues (you listed) so your son will have a relationship in that sense.
If in the future you do try to open your heart to your parents again, hopefully they will understand what they are losing. I had family in the same boat and the toxicity exploded into multiple generations and different family. Close few members of your family is better than toxicity.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re the parent, he’s your son, boundaries, respect, blah blah blah. Once you get outraged over “HE TOUCHED MY SON!!!” you’re getting way too Jim Crow for me. That’s just the same kind of irrational hatred that led to separate drinking fountains.
You’re just so much better than him that you don’t understand why he is allowed to walk the same streets as him. Nobody meant any harm here but you. And, I really question the wisdom of raising a child to believe that any time someone irritates him, he should banish them from his life.
You need to think about the example you’re setting.” jdogx17
17. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Balance His Business With Household Chores?
“I (23F) have never been too keen on household work. Neither has my husband (24M). But we manage to split it evenly most of the time, since we work equally and our paychecks are equal.
Recently, my husband has been getting ideas about starting his own business. So when he gets home from work (not his business), he has been opening up his laptop and getting to work designing, and continuing for the duration of the night.
Today, I confronted him, asking why he didn’t put his plates away or do the dishes since I had made dinner.
He says I shouldn’t put that pressure on him since he’s working from home on his project. Now, if this were a short-term project with a deadline, I would never pressure him, but rather help him. But his idea for this business is something without an end date, and I cannot continuously take on all the household work.
He says that I should see it as him taking on extra workload by creating a stable future for us, but I cannot accept having to do all the household chores myself! He says he’s doing it for me, but I don’t think that’s the case.
Even if I wanted him in the picture, he would still have that ambition. It has nothing to do with me, in my opinion.
He has been giving me the cold shoulder today and won’t speak to me… So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If his business becomes paid work, you can renegotiate and use that income to pay for a cleaner.
In the meantime, he needs to continue to pull his weight at home. If he were doing it for you, he’d care whether you wanted him to be doing it at the expense of pulling his weight around the house.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is sounding selfish for allowing his flights of fancy to add to your responsibility. (Until a viable business model can be established and paid for, that is all this is. It is not practical, it does not get work done, and it does not contribute to your relationship.) Until this little project actually comes to fruition, where it generates money, he shouldn’t get any slack.
Your husband is the jerk.” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a small business owner and a workaholic. This is a drag; take him to marriage counseling ASAP and maybe get a career coach. He needs to understand that work/life balance must be figured out before he gets into horrible habits that will be a sore point for the duration of your marriage.
Compromise with him, but both of your needs must be discussed.” anotherouchtoday
16. AITJ For Choosing Only One Winner In A Group Cosplay Contest?
“I’m working for a convention and I’m in charge of the cosplay contest (cosplay-costume play). It’s just a small convention, so we only have one category. We don’t have a group category, and our application form is written in singular.
Sometimes, the younger cosplayers write not just their own name; they also add their friends on one form.
They are also allowed to walk as a group on stage to prevent stage fever, but they are rated separately.
This year, some older girls joined the contest. They are friends with one of our club members. They both wrote themselves on one form and walked together; at no point did they tell me and the other two jurors that they wanted to be rated as one person.
The older one of the girls made the whole cosplay by herself, but her best friend bought the cosplay from a seamstress. There were also plenty of other cosplayers who made everything by themselves.
We discussed the three winners and then proceeded with the award ceremony.
Everyone was happy; the older cosplayer got first place and we handed her the microphone. Everything’s okay, right? Nope.
One hour later, a random girl I don’t know approached me. She placed herself right in front of my face. I was backing up against the wall, and then she went ballistic with me.
“You’re a horrible person! Your decision was crap! Because of you, they are hurt and cry.” And some other lines with the same context. I wasn’t able to answer because she just yelled at me and grabbed my shoulders. Apparently, both girls were hurt because only one of them won, and they felt embarrassed/exposed.
I started to cry because I was scared, and I used my own money to buy the trophy and for every participant a little gift bag so nobody would feel sad because they didn’t win. I posted on my Instagram story how hurt I was and that I felt unfairly treated. Well, apparently, this was wrong.
The girl went ballistic with me again over messages and said how I was a backstabber. I didn’t say any names or mention what costumes they wore during the contest so none of my followers would know who they were.
Minutes later, the befriended club member messaged me and told me it was all my fault.
I’m the only person who is guilty (we were three people on the jury), and because of me, they cried and I embarrassed them in front of everyone. She knows how much time and money I spent planning the contest. She herself was one of the judges the year before and knows that we decide together.
The next day, she approached me to say all the things again but in my face. Apparently, the girl who yelled at me was also her sister.
AITJ for choosing only one girl of a group as a winner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That situation sounds toxic towards you.
You clearly put a lot of effort into this contest and especially into being fair to the participants. They knew the rules and disregarded them. You couldn’t have known their intentions regarding being judged together and now they’re harassing you. Try to keep some distance, especially from the other group member who’s connected to this situation too, and grant yourself room to breathe and heal.” SinaEpona
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have done nothing wrong. Posting it on Instagram would have likely identified her to anyone who went, as they would have presumably known who won the competition, and you would have known that when you posted on IG. Maybe they deserved to be exposed, but you probably did inflame the situation.
Personally, I’d have given time for the emotions to die down and then spoken to them, letting them know that what they did was unacceptable, but I can understand why you felt the need to vent on IG. People shouldn’t enter competitions if they can’t handle losing.
Let the rest of the organisers know so you have some support and cut contact with these bullies.” hobalotit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fellow cos judge here. You followed your rules and judged each person on their merit. There was also more than one judge, so clearly you all came to a consensus.
It might be time to separate categories. If you want to keep it simple, have one judging for craftsmanship and one for fan favorite. Don’t let people competing for craftsmanship have someone with them unless they also made that costume. Make note of all harassment and report it if you can.
Talk with the con head and get these sore losers banned from future events.” SteampunkHarley
15. AITJ For Refusing To Repay My Father-In-Law's $500 After Incurring $15K In Debt?
“Last year was an extremely rough year for my family.
My in-laws struggled hard and my wife had health problems on top of that. I have two kids, thankfully in good health, but under the age of four.
So going back to about March, I quit my new job to take care of my family.
My mother-in-law was in the hospital for over a month. It hit her so hard that she couldn’t function fully on her own.
My wife and I decided to have her live with us while she was receiving at-home physical therapy and recovering. This included me buying her groceries, cooking her breakfast, helping with her laundry, driving her places, etc.
My father-in-law was in the hospital for roughly three months. For a month of that, he was unconscious on a ventilator. So naturally, he had a long road to recovery once he was finally released from the hospital.
Fast forward a few months, and we got our in-laws back into their home (which we had to rearrange so they could operate on one level).
They still can’t entirely function on their own, so my wife and I are still going to their home and helping with chores while the other stays with the kids.
By this time, we were really feeling the financial struggle. I get VA disability every month, but not enough to cover all these expenses.
I accumulated about 15,000 in credit card debt from not working during this time. In total, I was unemployed for roughly nine months and was denied any unemployment. Meanwhile, my in-laws were given several thousands of dollars from donations, qualified for unemployment, and are now inheriting a paid-off home.
So when my vehicle needed a $500 repair and my in-laws offered to pay it, I graciously accepted. That was great because I was dead broke.
Fast forward again to the present. I’m working a new job and attempting to pay off my debts. While writing this, I’m still about 8k in the hole.
So here’s the issue: I decided to trade in our vehicle for another one at zero cost to us, which for us was a good decision because we truly needed a better vehicle. My father-in-law sees our new truck and makes the comment, “Oh, they have enough money to get a new truck but not enough to give me my $500 back?”
Um… what? This left me furious.
Maybe I’m a jerk, but I literally went 15k in debt for these people and they are worried about $500 back. After receiving generous donations from everyone while my wife and I didn’t receive any help—I get it, it was our choice to help—but it feels like our sacrifice was completely overlooked by everyone.
I’m still trying to get out of debt and he wants his $500 back. I told my wife he’s not getting it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have a quiet chat. Explain as you have done here. Suggest a deal: you pay him back the $500 he offered you as a gift, and he pays the 15,000 that you provided!
See how that goes down. Clearly, he needs to be told just how much your family has helped. He hasn’t put it together by himself.” boniemonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is where kindness and generosity meet a painful end. He was more than happy to accept all the time and help you could give when you weren’t even in a position to do so.
Give the jerk his money and tell them that going forward, they will be paying for any and all assistance you provide.” sissyjones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Now that you know that they keep score for gifts given but not gifts received, you can bow out of any future caregiving without any guilt or regret.” RainyDayRose
14. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mom's Friend To Steal My Parents' Spotlight?
“When my parents got married 40 years ago, they had a double wedding with another couple who were their college friends, Mr. and Mrs. J., with whom they have remained friends to this day.
Since this year will be their milestone ruby wedding anniversary, my sister and I planned a reception, which we paid for. Our parents were over the moon, and they immediately told their friends, including Mr. and Mrs. J., to save the date. Mom and Dad’s friends were all excited about the event, as it is not very common to celebrate a milestone anniversary like a wedding reception.
Mrs. J seems to be the most excited, as she told Mom that she bought new outfits just for the event, which I find odd because they’re not really the people who have money to burn for clothes just to attend a party.
After the invitations were sent out, Mom received a text message from Mrs. J asking why their (Mr. and Mrs. J) names were not included, as this is also their wedding anniversary and they should celebrate it together.
We were all appalled. How did she assume that they were included in a celebration that they did not plan and pay for? I suppose that’s why they bought new clothes. I compelled Mom to make it very clear to Mrs. J that they are welcome as guests but not as celebrators and to make it absolutely clear to everyone that this celebration is only about Mom and Dad, we had their names printed on the cake.
AITJ for ruining her plans and not letting her share the spotlight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’ve made a huge assumption and missed a few key social clues about the status of the party: 1) Did you consult them about the guest list to ensure their friends were invited?
2) Did you clear the fine details about the party? E.g., start time, food, etc. 3) They received an invitation, which the honorees would not receive unless a hand-delivered copy was given to them as a memento. Best of luck, as I would hate to think that this would taint a 40+-year friendship of your parents.
If you can do anything to smooth this over, it would be great, but don’t be forced into allowing your parents’ spotlight to be shared on their special night.” YeeHawMiMaw
Another User Comments:
“I’m just curious about something here. They were asked to come on what is also their big milestone anniversary too and to save the date?….
Only as guests? They shared a wedding together and they were asked to celebrate, but not for themselves, but for the other couple? Their milestone anniversary as well, but only celebrating the other couple? Why even ask them to come???? YTJ. Instead of being “appalled,” stop and think about this.
Why ask them to save a date for what you all know is their big day too?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But whether your failure to make this a joint celebration, perhaps enlisting the help of any children that Mr. and Mrs. J have, is understandable comes down to history.
If these two couples have routinely celebrated their anniversaries together, you should have considered the other couple. If they haven’t made a habit of joint celebrations, then you couldn’t have known this was the expectation.” DplusLplusKplusM
13. AITJ For Insisting On Getting My White Cat Back?
“My parents decided that they wanted to dehouse us on purpose and live off the land. At that time, my parents bought a white cat for my birthday and gave the white cat to me on my birthday. They explained that we would get a kitten so their cats wouldn’t be alone on the land we lived on.
Weeks later, we got the calico kitten. The white cat was having health issues, which, through my own research, I found out were caused by him not drinking enough water daily, so I invested my own money as a child in the upkeep of what I was told were my cats.
Years later, I moved away for one semester of college and got into a fight with my parents over my choice in living situation (I chose to live full-time at college and with my other family during the breaks). My parents kicked me out while keeping my cats.
I argued for two years with my mom before she gave in and ultimately intimidated me into choosing between one of my cats. When we met to hand over the cat, I explained to my mother that I wouldn’t give up on my white cat and still wanted him back.
She got angry and boxed me into the parking lot, almost taking back the calico. So, am I the jerk for still persisting on my parents giving him back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all – it‘s incredibly cruel of your mother to use your cats as tools to hurt you.
I hope you get both kitties back, and that you find a peaceful life away from that kind of drama.” JennyM8675309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Perhaps your mom doesn’t care for the white cat as much as she enjoys the connection to you that it represents.
Knowing how much you want it back gives your mom a measure of control. My mother used my pets in a similar way, and I have to warn you that this type of behavior usually gets worse. It did in my situation. If your white cat has decent care at your parents’ place, you may have to accept the situation for now.
What you can do is go to your parents’ home to “visit” your white cat and take a lot of photos of the cat, the environment, etc., which will show how the cat is being treated. Be sure to take photos of your mom, dad, and everyone who lives there.
If they question or harass you, it’s fine to say that families fight – but they still love each other and miss each other. (They’ll be surprised at that reply!) Try not to be drawn into an argument; just get your photos, cuddle your cat if possible, and escape.
It may or may not be possible to get your white cat back; however, it’s helpful to have photos. And if you ever suspect they aren’t taking proper care of the cat, photos will be super helpful there, too. Please forgive this rambling (I’m old).
My point is: protect yourself as much as possible, document the situation at your parents’ house, and don’t let your mom use your cat as leverage. Kudos to you for caring so much about your cats!” FelineHostage
12. AITJ For Suggesting A Booster Seat And Causing Family Drama?
“I 41m am seeing an amazing woman 40f, with two kids 13m and 10f. We’ve been together for almost a year now, and I’ve gotten to know her kids pretty well and developed a good relationship with both of them.
Recently, I was driving the kids home from school, and I noticed her daughter didn’t quite fit the seatbelt right; the lap belt rode up on her stomach, and the shoulder belt was touching her neck.
I suggested my partner buy her a booster seat so she would fit the seatbelt better.
She was confused at first because her daughter had been out of a booster seat for several months, but I informed her that her daughter didn’t fit the seatbelt right and showed her the right way you’re supposed to fit the seatbelt, which her daughter doesn’t.
I also pointed out that it could be because she bought a new car, and that kids fit seatbelts differently in different cars.
She agreed that it was best to get her daughter a booster seat. We bought her one, and she was apprehensive and reluctant at first, but we explained to her that it would keep her safer and more comfortable in the car.
It took some getting used to, but she agreed that the booster seat is more comfortable and she likes being able to see out the window better. Overall, it wasn’t really an issue until the kids went to stay with their grandparents for the weekend.
My partner and I spent that weekend together, but I left Sunday before the grandparents brought the kids home.
The next Monday, my partner called me very angrily, saying that her parents berated her about the booster seat. Apparently, her father had a tough time uninstalling it and moving it between cars during the kids’ visit and when he brought the kids back.
He was very upset and said it was incredibly stupid to put her in a booster seat, and that he never had a booster seat as a child.
This made my partner really upset, and she lashed out at me over the phone, saying I caused this huge fight between her and her parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting the kids to be safe in the car and if a booster seat was necessary, then it was necessary. Tell the partner that seat belts weren’t mandatory in the US until 1968. Car seats became mandatory in 1985. Air bags weren’t mandatory until 1999.
So if her dad is between 26 and 57 years old, the rules have changed during his lifetime. What he experienced as a child has nothing to do with today’s laws. He probably openly accepts the existence and function of ABS, blind spot detection, heated seats, key fobs, electric windows (hey, you used to have to crank them up and down), automatic transmissions… (yeah, I’d kill to have a manual these days).
He can either join us in the 21st century or go sit in his rocking chair at the old folks’ home.” Hammingbir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and huge red flag in your relationship with your partner. I was under the impression that booster seats were required by law until the child was at least 12 years old?
Regardless, the fact is that the way the seatbelt was fitted could have caused her serious injury in an accident. So given that, the FIL’s ineptitude is his own problem. You did the right thing, and I think you should stand your ground. What you should question is your partner’s reaction and how she’s treating you as a result.
It seems to me that if every time her parents get upset about something, she’s going to turn around, conveniently forget that she was supportive to begin with, and make it about an “issue” that you caused, it doesn’t sound like a very good relationship to be in.
Thank you for looking out for the little girl; it’s too bad her own mother and grandfather couldn’t be as considerate. Shame on them. Hope they see this and do better!” Hope-maaven2378
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You, unlike the other adults in the 10-year-old’s life, were looking out for her safety.
You were the only one to act like a responsible adult. Partner is the jerk for multiple reasons. 1- Didn’t realize on her own that her daughter needed a booster in the new car. 2- Mom didn’t stand up for her daughter’s safety against her dad/granddaughter’s grandpa.
She needed to tell Grandpa that it’s 2025. Child passenger safety has evolved. When we know better, we do better and this is one of those situations. His survivor’s bias can take a hike. 3- Partner had no reason to say you caused the fight.
Grandparents lack of child passenger safety knowledge and physical ability to install a booster caused grandpa to redirect to your partner who then redirected to you. I really hope your partner apologizes and realizes you are trying to keep her child safe. If she doesn’t, is this really someone you want to be with?
Not because of a fight, but because she takes her child’s safety so lightly. Even if you never plan to have kids together or even raise a pet together, this isn’t a great person if she doesn’t realize you were literally helping keep her child safe.” PhantomPlanet34
11. AITJ For Demanding My Wife Use The Toilet Instead Of The Kitchen Sink For Our Daughter's Pee?
“We are at the stage of potty training our daughter where she uses a little squattie potty with a removable reservoir.
I learned today that when it’s just pee, my wife has been emptying it in the kitchen sink.
I find this more than a little gross and would very much prefer that she empty it down the toilet in the powder room roughly 10 feet away from the kitchen sink as I do.
Her argument is that the sink is where dirty things go and is already kind of gross and some pee isn’t any worse than the food scraps, etc., that are in the strainer basket. For me, bodily fluids are in a completely different category from food scraps and should be going down the toilet.
Am I off base here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is super nasty! Well, according to her “logic”, I can take a dump in your sink and kind of just push it through the drain and it’s all fine?!?! You are 100% correct here. Her views are extremely unhygienic.
Please make her notify any guests to the house that she uses your sink for flushing urine so they can decide if they want to use any of your mugs, plates, cutlery and other stuff that is washed in there. I know I’d decline. It’s not just that this is gross; it’s also the start of a slippery slope.
What’s next, vomit? Cat poo? The dirty water with harsh industrial soaps after cleaning the patio or the car? You need to draw a line somewhere. I craft, some of it “dirty” like acrylic paints. I am lucky I can dedicate one sink to just craft stuff so that I won’t have paint remnants and paint water in and around the sink where I wash food items (including washing food to eat).” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“Kids watch everything we do. We don’t want the kid learning to put his toilet contents in the sink. Big difference between an adult consciously deciding she can clean the sink afterward if a little toddler urine gets poured down the drain and a three year old thinking anything goes and leaving surprises for parents to find later.” FlatElvis
Another User Comments:
“Fact injection: There are fewer bacteria in healthy urine than in tap water, per unit volume. It does, however, contain toxins and salts that (at least one) body has filtered out of its bloodstream as undesirable. So I wouldn’t recommend drinking it, but it isn’t as vile and putrid as it is generally portrayed. It’s probably about as safe/dangerous as the plate that had moldy food waste on it that you wash in the sink, and much safer than the containers and cutting boards that you used for raw meat or fish and wash there.
It’s childhood conditioning rather than a risk to health that causes the knee-jerk revulsion to urine. As long as you are washing the sink and not leaving wet washcloths around to marinate in bacteria, the level of hygiene is going to be the same whether you pee in it or not.
But you’ll probably end up single because it’s harder for the girls to join in the fun.” Hivemind_alpha
10. AITJ For Asking People To Get Out Of The Bathroom Stall?
“I went to a show on the weekend. I’m disabled, so I rarely go to these things. Usually I get an aisle seat so I can go to the bathroom easily. Without oversharing, I have to go frequently, and if I don’t, it can be very painful.
I have Adenomyosis as well as a neurological disorder.
At this show, tickets sold out quickly, and my friend booked them and said there wasn’t a way to get an aisle seat. So I just had to hold on. I had been there before and would go during intermission.
But it was worth it. I had a great time.
At halftime, I was very uncomfortable and sore. So, I got up and hurried to the bathroom. I assumed the two people standing outside the bathroom were just leaning on the wall, so I walked past them with my radar key on hand.
They told me they were in the queue, so I waited. One was very intoxicated.
They went in together (there was a pair), and I waited outside. While I waited, I could smell smoke. I have a strong sense of smell. They took a while in the bathroom, not that I’m judging, and it probably felt longer as I was in agony at this point and rather grumpy.
So when they came out, they were taking a while. One of them was corralling the intoxicated person. It was taking a while.
I said “Excuse me. I can’t hold my bladder.”
They immediately got angry with me. They said—“Neither can I! You’re being so rude!”
I responded, “That’s nice. Can I go pee now?” As they were still standing in my way, and I was doubled over at this point, I admitted that adenomyosis is not comfortable even at the best of times, and I can get very snappy when I’m sore.
I got in, sorted myself out in the bathroom that stinks of smoke, and got back into the auditorium.
When I passed them, they got upset with me again, saying that I was really rude and that I should be more patient. I explained that I was in a lot of pain and apologized for snapping.
They explained that they also had issues and assumed I was just being rude because their illness was invisible.
Still. AITJ? Are there no jerks here?? No idea. I’ve been really stuck and overthinking it. On one hand, it feels like a big misunderstanding.
On the other hand, it comes to me when I am relaxing and just makes me cringe. I feel like having external opinions would help the mental block.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re assuming a lot of things. One, that the other woman was intoxicated. She may have been the key holder and had a neurological condition that presents as being intoxicated. Two, that they were the ones who had been smoking there.
While they might well have been abusing the system and smoking in there, they may also not, on either or both accounts. Being in pain doesn’t eliminate the fact that other people also have access to accessible bathrooms. Whether they ‘need’ it or not, or what they do in there, is irrelevant to your immediate needs and beyond your control.
Soft YTJ, but not something you should fret over for a long time. Just learn from the experience and memorize a quick sentence that may help you in the future: “I’m sorry, I know you’re next but I’m in a lot of pain.
May I go ahead of you? I’ll be very quick.”” Hubble_Bubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am visibly disabled in the sense that I have a service dog and a cane. I am also involved in the Burning Man community and have served on the boards for many regional events.
Many times, I have waited in agony (interstitial cystitis) while listening to a couple engaging intimately, someone smoking, etc. I cannot use a regular stall because I NEED the bars and my dog doesn’t fit without the extra space. 99% of the time, they are NOT disabled. It’s always some idiot.
I’ve heard everything—attachment disorder, my period, I’m intoxicated, my friends are waiting, the other loos are gross, etc. I always call the offending idiots out. I never apologize. I’ve been dealing with this crap for 25 years, and I’m sick of it.
Screw selfish people and their darned entitlement.” Puzzleheaded_Mix6672
Another User Comments:
“Not sure if you’re in the UK, but here we have sunflower lanyards. You can buy them from their website, and you can purchase a card to go with it saying what your disability is, or there’s a thing called an access card you can apply for which is for people with all different types of disabilities.
I have ADHD and really struggle with crowds and queuing. The access card is accepted at most places in the UK and allows me to queue jump without being told off, but they have it for all different reasons and have all different symbols for different conditions—and there’s a toilet symbol.
It might be worth looking into if you’re in the UK or, if not, see if there’s anything similar where you are.” New-Razzmatazz-2716
9. AITJ For Calling My Mom A Horrible Mother For Neglecting Her Parental Duties?
“I (15F) have a younger sister (4F). My mom sleeps late every day.
It wasn’t a serious issue until recently. I truly believe that my mother is a horrible mother. Not because she won’t let me go out or grounds me, but because she genuinely doesn’t take care of her kid.
I’m a very busy person.
I work, have extracurriculars, and do many other things that stop me from constantly being available to watch my sister. I have no problem with watching her as needed, but I am not her parent and will not disregard things I need to do. That being said, today, that backfired on me.
My grandma and I go to church every Sunday. Routinely, we went to church and then had lunch. A few friends and I planned to go to the movies, so I ran home to clean up and grab some things. As soon as I opened the door, I found baby powder everywhere: on the couch, on the floor, and on the dog.
I calmed myself, refraining from acting in anger toward my sister, and calmly explained to her that we needed to clean up and sort this out. She got upset, as children do when they are told they need to clean things.
For the record, it was about 2:45 p.m. when this happened. I walked into my mother’s bedroom and told her about the disaster and warned my sister that there would be consequences for her actions.
My mom, for lack of a better term, screamed at me and said that I could not give her consequences because I am not her parent.
That really irritated me. I understand that I am not her parent, but I don’t see my mother as much of a parent either.
She has made me wait for hours after school to be picked up in the blistering cold because she was sleeping. (This is not an exaggeration. I’m serious.) I immediately had to think about my options in this situation and, among many other unreasonable choices, I chose to say, “You can’t tell me that I can’t give her consequences.
You are barely awake for half of the day. How else is she going to learn from her mistakes if she isn’t being parented or disciplined?” She screamed and screamed until I finally had enough and said it. The terrible thing: “You don’t even mind either of us.
We’re nothing to you. You leave me alone at the school for hours and you think that’s okay? You are a horrible mother.” I can’t even say that I felt bad because I didn’t. I’m sick of being constantly treated like a nobody by her.
She went as far as calling me unpleasant words and that hurt. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your mother is dealing with possible depression. Do you have another parent in the house? Can you go live with your grandmother? You need to confide in some trusted adult.
This is NOT okay. Your mother needs help and you and your sister need a place where you are not neglected. You should not be raising your sibling. Please tell someone so you ALL can get help. I am so very sorry you are going through this.” Odd-End-1405
Another User Comments:
“Talk to someone at school. Your mom is abusing/neglecting both of you. You should have the freedom to be a child right now, not an assistant parent. My mom was just like this. You should not have to be cleaning up messes you didn’t make, or raising a child that isn’t yours.
‘She’s depressed’ – she should get help for herself so that she can be a real mother instead of wallowing and making you step in because she ‘can’t.’ You need someone to advocate for you, someone with the authority to say ‘this isn’t ok’ to her.
That’s why I think you should talk to someone at school. It is ok to ask for help. I don’t know if this is the case, but families like ours sometimes pressure us into covering for the person who is falling apart, trying to make things seem normal when they’re not.
You don’t have to cover up how messed up your mom is, and how bad the situation is. Think about what would have happened if the baby had gotten into something poisonous instead of just baby powder while your mom was asleep. This is not a safe situation.” Normal-Tough-645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I think it would be best for you and your sister to find somewhere else to stay until your mom can get herself together. Your sister could have gotten into something so much worse than baby powder. I’m going through the same thing with my own mom, but no younger siblings involved thankfully.
The best advice I can give you is to find someone to talk to about this, along with living with a family member. And just try to ignore the horrible things she’s calling you; know that whatever she says isn’t true.” charesleeray8
8. AITJ For Yelling At A Boy Over His Unacceptable Behavior?
“I’m in my second year of high school, and I’ve been having a problem with a boy since my first year.
I’ve had problems with him harassing me, trying to hug or grab my hands, and a few times trying to kiss me. I told my school counselor last year and the administration, but they always said, “He just likes you” or “He’s autistic, so he can’t help it.” I understand some autistic people can’t and don’t understand what they’re doing, but I’ve heard him brag to his friends about how he can do whatever and not get in trouble.
It really makes me mad.
But it’s gotten worse this year. He’s stopped showing up, and I only know this because he brags about how he’s “pheromone maxing” and also because he walks and runs with his arms above his head. I mainly try not to interact with him because I know I’ll get frustrated and might not be able to control myself from doing something I’d regret.
But today he called me “white racist trash” because my friend and I were discussing slavery in Egypt—nothing bad like “they deserved it.” No, I was telling my friend that slaves were paid in food and beer in Egypt to help her with a project, yet he still screamed at me that I was “white racist trash.” Now, my friend told him to shut up.
I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to get in trouble, but when she did, he yelled at me that I was a coward and a fool because I wasn’t standing up for myself.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and yelled at him to shut it.
I didn’t care how he felt, and if he called me that again, I’d do something I’m not proud of. I didn’t swear at him or anything, as I believe there are better ways to communicate my emotions than foul language. But after the whole ordeal, my friend only got in trouble; she was written up for telling him to shut up, and, of course, again, this boy wasn’t punished because “he has autism and can’t control himself.”
I don’t want to seem insensitive about it—mainly because my family has all sorts of medical stuff, including autism, so I’m used to some of the stuff that comes with it—but I can’t help but get frustrated when the administration and the adults I’m supposed to trust tell me that it’s just me that feels this way or that they can’t do anything due to his mental disability.
But when I told one of my other friends, she said I was the bad apple and I shouldn’t have yelled at him because he’s autistic. Now I’m wondering AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Autism is not a free pass to be a jerk, and since he’s bragging about using his diagnosis to get away with everything, he seems pretty capable of understanding how his actions are coming across.
Unfortunately, the diagnosis’s popularisation has brought about this awful downside, in which some people just use it as an excuse to act however they want and not accept any responsibility whatsoever. I have someone who acts exactly like that in my husband’s family — she just thinks she can behave like a jerk to everyone, and nobody gets to complain since she always plays the autism card.
It doesn’t seem to matter to her that I have the same condition and don’t use it to treat people like that. You should report him for admitting that he uses it to get away with stuff.” Red-Octopus91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And TBH, your school is being horrifically ableist. “Oh, poor autistic person, we have to give them all the leeway, make excuses, let them get away with things, because we don’t understand autism spectrum disorder….” ANYONE making excuses for him is ableist. They want to say, “These people just want to be treated as normal people…” then turn around and “Awwww…they don’t understand, they don’t know any better, let’s coddle them.” I’ve seen it, and I’ve seen they can be some of the evilest, deviant, manipulative people because they know people are pitying them, meaning they can get away with nearly anything!
Any way to get a small camera you can hide on yourself for when you overhear him saying these things, etc? Pretty cheap on Temu. And if the school keeps this up, record on your phone ANY interactions with school officials, for proof, in case your family wishes to pursue allowing you and others to be bullied by this person!
Being disabled does NOT make them some innocent angel! I really wanna give them a few smacks, telling you that “he likes you,” telling you that instead of “teaching” (let’s face it, he knows exactly what he’s doing) him that he cannot touch people, that you have to accept being assaulted (that IS what this is), and that you have no bodily autonomy because he has “special needs.”” Potential_Narwhal122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a K teacher and I have students with special needs in my classroom. If they say or do something that hurts their peers, they get consequences like anyone else. It’s extremely unfair and also unsafe to treat them like they don’t know any better and should be allowed to do whatever they want.
That’s how they end up like your classmate when they get older. They’re smart, they’re capable of learning right from wrong, and nobody wins when they’re able to use their disability as a free pass for poor behavior. Both you and your classmate have been failed in this regard.
In the adult world, he’ll lose jobs, friendships, and possibly get hurt if he does or says something inappropriate. And you shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of behavior from anyone.” VanillaClay
7. AITJ For Evicting My Wife's Family Who Overstayed Their Welcome?
“My wife’s family came here for a better life from another country, and they were staying at our house.
It’s a family of 5, and our house isn’t the biggest and only has 1 bathroom, so that’s 7 people in the house when it was only just 2. We gave them 120 days to find a job and a place for themselves. They all found jobs, but they couldn’t find an actual place to stay, so they are renting bedrooms and now are upset with us.
It’s like they weren’t even trying to find a place to stay. It seemed as if they had gotten too comfortable. If they were looking, they would have asked me for help, but they asked me maybe once, and that’s about it. They weren’t proactive about it at all, and now they are mad at us.
I told my wife that they had to leave, and now everyone is upset with me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her family should’ve prepared for the fact that they might not be able to find a place to stay and come up with a back up plan.
They knew your terms upfront and accepted them. There was nothing said that they’d only have to leave if they found a place they really wanted to go to. No good deed goes unpunished, but let them make you out to be the villain as long as you get your space back.” Constant_Increase_17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a lot nicer than my husband and I would be. We would never let anyone live with us for any reason. Good for you for letting your wife’s family stay with you, but they need to realize you’re not obligated to help them at all.
It sounds like they got too comfy at your place and overstayed their welcome. I hope your wife is backing you up on this. If she isn’t, tell her to go stay with them instead.” CutePandaMiranda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be different if you owned some sort of huge mansion on extensive property, but 7 people in a house with only one bathroom is nuts.
Assuming you genuinely were open to helping them out and they were just too lazy to find somewhere to stay, you are 100% not in the wrong.” bustersworddd
6. AITJ For Denying My BFF's Ex Access To My House?
“Last winter, my BFF (38F) had a scary incident with her then partner of several months on the way to a shared office party.
I (36F) started receiving messages from my BFF that said she was afraid to be in the car with her partner as he was freaking out while driving, yelling at her, etc. My wife (31F) and I, of course, panicked and turned around to go get her.
Luckily, my BFF was not harmed, but it was not very clear as to what was actually happening. To be honest, it was just scary. She told him he had to leave by the time she was back from the party, which he did. Afterward, I understood from my BFF that they had broken up, and he had gone into outpatient therapy.
Fast forward about a year, my wife planned a surprise vacation for both of us. My wife asked my BFF if she would be willing to stay at our house for the week we would be gone in order to watch our animals. Note: My wife asked her before she booked anything.
Shortly after asking, my BFF responded, “Hi girl, sure I can help out, what a sweet idea!” After some messaging, they agreed on the dates with no issues brought up.
Fast forward 1.5 weeks before we were to leave, my BFF was over, and she asked us if her mom and niece could come over and hang out while she was watching our house.
We said no problem! She then casually dropped that she and her (ex) partner had met up recently and were “kind of” involved. My wife and I were surprised, which we also gently made clear to her. She brushed off our concerns and didn’t really engage.
A few days afterward, my BFF sent me a voice message asking if I would be okay with her partner staying over at our home with her for a couple of days. I was shocked and upset. I got back to her saying that while her family was totally fine, we were not comfortable with him being in our home while we were away.
She defended him by saying he’s totally fine now and that what happened during the incident is unusual and not the norm. I said that’s fine, but we had not seen him since then, and it felt strange to have him in our home when we thought he had been out of the picture for almost a year due to his actions.
She pushed back by telling my wife that she hadn’t even wanted to stay at our house; it was annoying and out of the way for her. My BFF then suggested that all four of us meet up for dinner before we leave on the trip so that we can reconnect with her partner.
We said we were happy to meet up but that we would also look for another solution. She pressured us into letting her know as soon as possible. My wife and I were very lucky that her parents were in town visiting for several weeks, and they were happy to stay over at our house during our trip.
We communicated this to my BFF and waited for an invite to meet up with her and her partner. That never came; in fact, there was radio silence.
I have since reached out to her to try to talk things out, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you absolutely were NOT a jerk. In fact, your BFF is. And beyond being a jerk, she is demonstrating a teenage-like level of immaturity in the following actions: Springing it on you last-minute about the ex, and expecting you to have instantly absorbed and accepted this change when the last association you had to the person was extremely problematic and disturbing.
Agreeing to housesit but then, when she doesn’t get her way, saying that she ‘hadn’t even wanted to stay at our house, it was annoying and out of the way for her.’ Then, she should not have agreed to it. Ghosting you. With a friend in her late 30s behaving this way, you really should exercise caution altogether.
She seems incapable of critical thought in her personal relationships and of acting maturely and reasonably. If you have had other issues, it may be that this friendship has run its course, as she appears to be stunted emotionally in her teens or early 20s.
NOBODY has the right to be upset with who someone chooses to allow in their home, especially given the baggage this guy brings that you had to deal with. She should respect that and not act like a teenager, emotionally and without thought.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house, your rules. 1) You asked your BFF to watch your house and pets, not to have fun with her partner on your couch and in your bedrooms. That’s completely different and inappropriate. 2) Your house is your safe place. Leaving it to your BFF is already a huge sign of trust, but you have the right to not want a stranger on your property, near your belongings and pets.
3) Your experience with this man was problematic, and it is justified to not want him in your home. A simple dinner would never have been enough to gain your trust. Your BFF is acting like a teenage babysitter trying to sneak her partner back instead of doing the job she was asked to do.
Her lack of respect for your conditions, yourself, and your friendship speaks volumes about her, unfortunately. Be careful, the return of this man in her life seems to have brought back bad sides/habits.” mimi0108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s welcome to go back to a potentially abusive partner.
It sucks, but she’s grown and can make that choice. You also can make the choice that you only want trusted individuals in your home, especially without you present. She’s making a big deal out of it because the partner can’t handle being held reasonably accountable for past actions.
She’s probably just following his lead to appease him, which means putting the burden of the conflict on you. You haven’t done anything wrong that I can see. You’ve been pretty gracious overall to allow other guests while she’s house-sitting, you’ve helped her out of a dangerous situation, and you even agreed to a meet-up with the partner to mend fences (outside your home, quite reasonably).
If you’re not being shown the same respect, then just leave her be. She’ll either come back if she realises her mistakes, or she’ll leave you alone.” Lunatalia
5. AITJ For Comparing My Ex's Financial Demands To My Mother's?
“When I was a teenager with a job, my mom would frequently ask me for money.
I would often agree, but I didn’t feel good about it. Most of the time, it was so that she could buy smokes or beer. I carried a lot of anger and resentment about that for many years as her requests continued even when I was in the military on the other side of the planet.
Eventually, I refused the requests and wouldn’t allow her to guilt me into “loaning” her money that I knew would never be repaid.
Fast forward 25 years. My ex asked my teenage son for money that he earned from his summer job. My son had told me this wasn’t the first time she had asked him.
Sometimes, if he had birthday or holiday money, she would ask for a loan. Even worse, he has a bank account he puts his money in, but somehow it is tied to his mom’s bank and if she overdrafts, his account is tapped by the bank to cover it!
So he definitely has been taken advantage of, I felt, for him.
A lot of my previous feelings returned, so I reached out to my ex-wife and reminded her of what I dealt with growing up and how it had affected me over the years.
She was well aware of what I felt and was one of the people who insisted I not loan my mother money! I told her that she probably wouldn’t want her son to have those feelings towards her and carry that around for life.
She said she understood how I felt, but was upset I compared her to my mom! So I instantly became the jerk! Right? Maybe I am, but I had to use a real-life example of what was happening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The purpose of a teen having a bank account is to learn how to handle money, and tying the accounts is exactly the opposite effect.
It’s also teaching him to ignore boundaries. Is there a problem getting him another account separate from hers at your own bank, with his own debit card? As far as comparing to your mother, that was a valid comparison with a real-life example. As long as you weren’t trying to rub that in her face, NTJ.” Vuelhering
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tell your ex and your child that if she needs a loan, she should ask you. Not that you should have to say that to your kid, but apparently you do. She doesn’t get to feel hurt about how she was doing what your parent did when your parent was wrong; she was stealing from her child.
I do not know how old your son is, but you have a larger duty to protect him. Even when he’s 20.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His account provides overdraft protection for hers? Is this a custodial account in his name, or a joint account?
It sounds like a joint account, which is linked as a secondary account for her. Regardless, he needs a new account set up at a bank she doesn’t use, configured in a way to provide him some protections until he turns 18 and can convert to or open a new standard account.” PinkNGreenFluoride
4. AITJ For Giving Gifts To My Dad's Chosen Family At Their Christmas Party?
“When I (22F) was 16, my parents split up. When I was a small child, my father and I got along decently, but as I grew up, we grew further and further apart until we just plain didn’t get along. We would fight a lot and I started my fair share of fights, but eventually, I just learned to try and stay away.
When I was 16, my parents finally split up after a long time coming. My father openly blamed me, but as far as I knew, he was the only one.
Growing up, we would always go to Thanksgiving and Christmas at the houses of his “second set of parents,” as he would call them.
His best friend was actually the child of his second set of parents, and when I was born, he became my godfather. The Christmas party consisted of approximately 5 couples, their kids (multiple generations), and a few other people.
The year I was 16, I was very hesitant to go to Christmas, feeling that my dad still harbored negative feelings towards me, but I wanted to see the people I considered my family.
My sister, 12 at the time, rode with my father to the party, and later, my mom convinced me to drive myself, telling me they blamed her and not me.
Finally, I agreed and drove myself there. When I got there, a few of the couples, including my godfather and his wife, rushed over to see me, while many others said I wasn’t welcome and shouldn’t have shown up.
After figuring out that lots of the people there had sided with my father and believed that I was the cause of their divorce, I have painfully stayed away all the holidays since, up until last year. A few of the people who normally show up there have reached out and said they missed me and asked how I was doing.
Last year, while at work (I am a merchandiser and am in grocery stores for my job), I saw some cute little hot cocoa sets (small things, only about $10 a set, but I honestly didn’t have much to spend), and had decided to get one for each of the couples/families that had greeted me happily the year I showed up or had reached out to ask how I was doing since.
I drove to the Christmas party, rang the doorbell, and when it was answered, I asked to speak to my godfather or his wife (his wife came to the door), where I passed off the gifts and told her Merry Christmas. I did not go to the party, or even ask to.
Afterward, my father told me how he did not like what I had done and wished I would have just taken the hint by now and stayed away. I tried my best to brush it off, but it has been brought up multiple times this year and especially now that the holidays are nearing again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This would be more appropriately titled, AITJ for stopping at a party I wasn’t invited to to drop off gifts for the people there that I liked? Or did I get that wrong? Why on earth could your dad blame you for the divorce, you were just a kid.
He sounds messed up and has poisoned the family well. There is more here than written, I cannot judge. On the plain facts of going to a party if you were not invited it sounds bad. But there is more here.” angiehome2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you left out the part of the story where your mother didn’t want to get a divorce until you cornered her and demanded that she leave your father, you are not responsible for their divorce. Even if his treatment of you was ultimately what pushed her over the edge, that’s still not your fault.
It’s disgusting that he’s still blaming you for this and that he’s trying to drive you away from your friends and loved ones. By all means, continue to keep your father’s toxicity at arm’s length, but keep your godparents and the people who love you close.” angelcat00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and obviously your father is. But listen: whatever happened between your parents isn’t your fault, and it’s insane that 1) all these years later he’s still trying to pin it on you; and 2) that anyone believes that crap. Not that it matters, but you were a 16-year-old kid, and he was an adult.
I get the sense that there’s more to this story than you’re telling here, and your timing is suspect, but good on you for reaching out. Whatever’s wrong with your dad, (and if you haven’t figured it out by now, he’s so wrong), if your gift was given with good intentions (as opposed to making a statement at the party), that’s good.
Years from now, I think you’re going to recognize just how damaged your father was and is. But you have to live your life now, and detach yourself from his hateful ideas.” Cjack66
3. AITJ For Drinking My Favorite Hazelnut Latte Around My Nephew?
“My (26m) nephew (5) likes to copy me.
I’m not entirely sure why. It could be that I’m the closest older male relative he’s got; his dad is alive but left my sister (30) for someone else and only sends child support. He doesn’t turn up.
So my sister insists that I set a good example, which I don’t have any issues with.
I don’t smoke and I only drink very occasionally—talking about events like weddings and stuff. There is no excessive imbibing. I also generally prefer healthier food options like fish and vegetables and only have to refrain from eating potato chips when the kid is around.
But then yesterday, we were at a cafe together and I ordered a large hazelnut latte—something I always order when I visit the place—but it was my first time going there with my sister and nephew. My sister frowned and told me I shouldn’t drink such sweet stuff (the place probably does put a lot of sugar into their drinks, given how it tastes).
She was quite upset at me for drinking something like that in front of my nephew, saying she doesn’t want him to want such drinks because he sees me drinking it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your sister is being ridiculous. Maybe she’s worried about spoiling her son to make up for his dad’s absence and has swung too far the other way.
Is she going to insist you never drive in his presence in case he wants a car? Oh, but you can’t get the bus on your own—you need a grownup with you. Do you have a strict bedtime if you’re visiting her?
Do you need to ask her permission to get down from the table because you need a wee-wee? Maybe suggest she says something like “Uncle John can have a big coffee because he’s a grownup, but if you’re good, we can get you a (kid size) hot chocolate next time.”” knitpurlknitoops
Another User Comments:
“”My sister insists that I set a good example, which I don’t have any issues with.” Y’see, this sounds like a way for your sister to police what you do in general. Maybe you don’t drink booze, but that shouldn’t prevent you from having the choice when your sister and nephew are around, say at a family meal or event.
“Only have to refrain from eating potato chips when the kid is around.” Again, none of your sister’s business. Snacking in moderation is not a problem. If you snack more than she’d let her child snack, she can parent him and advise on when to have treats.
“We were at a cafe together and I ordered a large hazelnut latte. My sister frowned and told me I shouldn’t drink such sweet stuff. She doesn’t want him to want such drinks because he sees me drinking them.” That’s taken way too far. Does she think children should never have hot chocolate or sweets at all?
NTJ. It is not your responsibility to set an example for your nephew. If you want to do so, that’s nice but not required. Having a hazelnut latte is not setting a bad example—it’s simply enjoying your drink at a café. Your sister is, frankly, being completely unreasonable.
If your nephew asks, advising that you have a grown-up sweet treat because you work hard and are rewarding yourself is plenty; maybe throw in a comment about toothbrushing if you want to be extra. Your sister is attempting to parent you and is massively overstepping her boundaries.
She can parent her child and teach moderation; she doesn’t get to dictate what you do.” TheGingerCynic
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. And yes, that’s exactly why he copies you. You have the opportunity (but not the obligation) to be a huge figure in his life, helping him through.
If, for example, you were willing to babysit him once a week to give your sister a break, that would likely be great for everyone and very rewarding for you. Kids need interaction, affection, and a good example, so if you can take him to the park and show him how we look after little ones and let them take turns—but also stand up for ourselves with peers, etc.—that would be an amazing thing to do.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of stereotypes and pretenses among boys, and if they don’t get to see behind the curtain—dads who are affectionate, men who are open and not defensive—they assume that the role they have to inhabit is the stoic, gruff one they see.
You don’t have to be that guy for this child, but it would be wonderful if you are. Incidentally, one thing that may not be apparent: any guy your sister introduces her son to will likely get attached. Single parents are usually wary of introducing new partners for a long time as a result, in case things don’t work out.
The great thing about you is that you’re family, so you can be a stable adult in his life that no one has to worry about suddenly not being part of his life.” NiceyChappe
2. AITJ For Declining To Invite A Proud Kleptomaniac To My Home?
“I joined a Women’s Social Club 6 months ago because I’ve been struggling to make friends after relocating to a new-to-me city.
It took me a while to warm up to the group and connect with people with whom I actually had anything in common. I had to wade through a lot of botox parties and boozy brunches to find things I was interested in, but I did, and I started coming to group events fairly often.
I hang out most often with the women who like to read, do crafty things, bake, skywatch, etc. Among these women is one, I’ll call Andrea, who has made several comments about how she’s a total klepto. I think that she makes these comments to seem “cool” to the other people in the group.
I reached out to some of the women I see regularly at these events and invited them over to my place to watch a TV show we’d been talking about and do crafty stuff. They were excited and agreed to come.
Unfortunately, Andrea found out (I assume someone asked if she was going) and reached out to me to ask if she was invited. I considered this for a bit and then told her no, as I only had so much room at home.
She didn’t believe me and asked me for the real reason, saying, “I thought we got along,” which, yes, is true.
I told her I’m not comfortable inviting a kleptomaniac into my home because I’ve worked hard to have the things I have, and it would be stupid for me to invite her knowing that she openly brags about it.
She said “Okay” very quietly. She then said, “You’re painting me out to be some horrible criminal when you don’t even know anything about me.”
I said that her being proud to call herself a klepto was all I needed to know. She said that I was a high school mean girl and ableist. I am unsure what the foundation for that statement is.
This, unfortunately, has spilled over to the group, which is frustrating. But what surprised me the most is that there are so many people defending her and telling me that I’m out of touch and take things too literally. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a girl in my sorority describe herself as a “self-diagnosed klepto” and that “if she saw something she liked, she just couldn’t help herself,” be it something at a store, on campus, or in possession of one of us. After she took it, it became her property, and heaven forbid you try to get your things back.
I refused to associate with her outside of meetings. I never hung out with her, let her in my car or dorm room, or let her near my purse or jacket in group settings. She cried that I was a bully. People like them are always going to play the victim.
I’m very glad you’re keeping your boundaries.” SassyCatLady442
Another User Comments:
“I need more information. How does she say she’s a klepto? Is she being silly or serious? I just don’t see someone doing this seriously but in jest for accidentally taking something. Like, when I was in my 20s and smoked, I always came home with 5 lighters that weren’t mine and no recollection of taking them.
I’d give them back but it was a running joke. Do you think she’s going to come to your house to watch TV and steal your jewels? You may be taking her too literally.” ParisianFrawnchFry
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but the ableist comment got me.
So now it is politically incorrect not to invite a proud thief to your home and hope she doesn’t rob you blind? You judged her based on the information she gave you, and rightfully so. How is it that you’re the bad guy for taking her at her word and protecting yourself?
This is just about the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, come on. Who brags about being a kleptomaniac and acts as if being a thief is okay as long as she says she can’t help herself? Any guest who needs to pass through a metal detector and undergo a pat-down and purse search before leaving your home is unwelcome.
She has no one to blame but herself. NTJ.” forgetregret1day
1. AITJ For Going To My Room After Crying And Offending My Husband?
“My (F32) husband (M31) and I were driving home from our friend’s place. I still had to take the dogs out for a walk, and it was past midnight. We both were tired. On the way, we talked about something that was painful for me, and I started to cry.
We arrived home, and my husband asked a more detailed question about my feelings, which I answered. After a short moment of silence, I got out of the car, went inside, and took the dogs out.
When I came back in, my husband was following his evening routine—cooking and watching Netflix while eating.
I brushed my teeth, fed the animals, and, still crying, went straight to the bedroom in a sad mood. I got under the covers to cry. I didn’t want to disturb my husband’s routine because I knew he would come to me after completing it.
When he came, I was still awake and feeling miserable. He put earplugs in and said to me “Good freaking night.” I was shocked and asked why he talked to me that way. He replied, “Think about it till morning.”
When I demanded to know what I had done wrong, he told me that I had first offended him by getting out of the car in the middle of a conversation, which he would have accepted. However, when I didn’t inform him that I was going to the bedroom after brushing my teeth, I offended him and did not follow proper manners.
I agree that we have a habit of telling each other when we are going to sleep, but this time, I was emotional and just wanted to cry my feelings out. He eventually apologized for what he said, but I’m still really sad.”
Another User Comments:
“So, the last time your husband saw you, you were crying (or, at the very least, in the immediate aftermath of crying). And he chose to complete his normal routine instead of checking in with you. That’s fine (especially if the subject was also upsetting for him, and doing his normal routine might help him reset his equilibrium), but it’s a choice that he made, knowing that his spouse was upset.
Up to this point, no jerks here. But then he comes in and immediately picks a fight with you instead of checking to see if you were okay (which would have been patently obvious if he’d taken 2 seconds to look at your tear-stained face). NTJ.
Many times over. In fact, his level of self-centeredness in the face of your obvious distress is so over-the-top that I’m forced to wonder if this is just the tip of the iceberg.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knew you were crying, that you were vulnerable, and instead of being understanding that you simply went to bed without telling him (a pretty minor thing regardless of your routine) he told you “Good freaking night” and “Think about it till morning”?!?!?!
I’m sorry, what the ever-loving heck???? In what world is that an okay response to an already upset partner? Even if you’d done some major faux pas, which I don’t believe you did, his response is absolutely lacking in compassion and empathy. If he had to confront you about it, he could have still been civil about it and just said, “Hey, I’m sorry you’re still upset, but I wish you’d told me you were going to bed rather than just disappearing.” See how much more palatable that way of communicating is?
It gets his point across without being a jerk about it. I don’t know your marriage or your life, but this is not okay.” imamage_fightme
Another User Comments:
“Info: This is really a situation where it’s not about the argument. What I’m reading is that you have self-worth issues and that you two, as a couple, have communication issues, and he has issues regulating his emotions.
1. You say that no one cares about you, like your co-workers don’t know you. 2. Everyone goes quiet? 3. You leave to walk the dogs. 4. Your husband starts his evening routine. 5. You go to cry by yourself. 6. Your husband comes in mad that you didn’t communicate your needs to him, but he didn’t try either.
To me, it sounds like you have self-worth issues that you need to address with a therapist. Generally speaking, your co-workers aren’t going to know you very well. They’re your co-workers, not your friends. (I’m not saying this to be mean, but they fulfill different roles in your life.) You need to find a way to feel worth even if you’re 100% alone, and I say that as someone who struggles with the same thing.
I’m guessing that your husband tried to tell you that he cared about you as a person, but you didn’t include that. If he didn’t, then shame on him. You needed some alone time, which is fine, but it sounds like your needs changed from wanting to talk, to wanting to be alone, to wanting comfort again.
That’s hard to grasp unless you’re deliberately communicating that. Your husband may have felt bad because you wanted his comfort; he didn’t know that, so he felt bad about not being there, and then he took that frustration out on you. That’s not okay. But I think the real issue here is that you’re not happy with yourself.
I think you should look into options to deal with that and/or better communication strategies for both of you.” Electrical-Bat-7311
