People Want Us To Tell Them Who's Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Allowing My Fiancée's Friend To Bring A Plus One To Our Wedding?
“I and the missus have planned a wedding. Sent out the invites.
All seemed good. Like most couples, we had to be strategic with our invites because after THE TIMES HAPPENED statistics show acceptance rates for weddings are up around 80% rather than 60%. We have strict numbers and a strict budget due to the venue and capacity limits + costs per head.
We’re chasing up the final RSVPs and my wife’s friend messages her saying ‘I wish I could come but unfortunately it is not appropriate for a young lady to be alone at a wedding.
Without a plus one, I need to decline. I would not wish this situation upon any woman.’
And we’re both kinds of… Dumbfounded? Actually, my future wife is gutted and feels like she’s let down her friend somehow, which prompted me to write here. For context, we are both religious (Christian). The guest is also religious and in her early 20s. She would know people at the wedding.
Most of the people there will be religious. She doesn’t normally speak like that.
None of our other religious female friends who are single (or taken) have had an issue. Every other single female friend is coming, religious or otherwise, and has not mentioned anything about no +1s. No one at our wedding had a vague ‘+1.’ Anyone invited was invited directly by name because we have a strict budget.
Also, the reception ends at 5 pm, not going until the wee hours or anything.
It’s SPECIFICALLY the ‘I would not wish this situation on any woman’ that’s really got to me ESPECIALLY my wife-to-be. My wife-to-be says that she feels like she’s “let down a fellow woman” but in a way that she doesn’t really know how she’s done so.
The wording sounds like we’ve done something heinous and wrong, putting her in absolute danger, but when I Google possibilities I just get ‘Sometimes it is a bit awkward if you go to a wedding without a +1’… But I’m a guy and so I totally understand if there’s some weird social code I’m missing.
So PLEASE… Am I missing something? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There is nothing wrong with not giving an individual who is single a Plus 1, particularly when the hosts have a tight budget. I don’t know what world that gal lives in, but it sounds entitled.
Edit: your partner’s reply should say nothing more than ‘we’ll miss you’ and leave it there. Don’t say anything that looks like you’re changing your mind.
For someone so concerned w/ propriety, her answer was quite rude.” Knittingfairy09113
Another User Comments:
“Given the fact that she has people she can have fun with, I’m going to say NTJ. Unless she’s in a long-term relationship (meaning many years and both you and SO have met the person she was in a long-term relationship), it’s out of line to expect a plus one without asking.
And at the end of the day, it is your wedding after all.” oddlychemical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’ve known lots of women who’ve gone solo to weddings. She wants to bring someone but didn’t want to ask, that’s what it’s really about. I mean if she was in danger by attending a wedding, then she would be in danger solely by leaving her house.
Don’t sweat it, it’s your wedding, not hers. Do what you need to do for yourself and your fiance. Nobody else matters.” Clover_Jane
22. AITJ For Secretly Planning To Go To A Different College?
“I (F19) have basically been my mother’s (F40) live-in nanny for the past 9 years. I take care of my 4 siblings who are all under the age of 9 and I watch them almost every single day. Because of this and many other things my relationship with my mother is very strained. I’m a senior in high school and have narrowed down my college options to 2 choices.
School A is a 20-minute ride from my house and I would have to pay 5k out of my pocket to attend & school B is about a 2-hour drive and they offered me a full ride.
A while ago my mother talked about how she and her partner would have to get new jobs/shifts when I go to college in the fall because no one else will watch their children.
I was relieved my mother didn’t put up a fight about me watching the kids for another 4 years. 2 weeks ago I brought up this conversation and my mother acted confused and said she didn’t know what I was talking about. Since then I’ve been trying to discuss this with her but she kept saying that I was annoying her. I finally got her to sit down with me on Saturday.
I told her that I would no longer watch her kids. I said I’d babysit during the summer while she figures something out but afterward,I’m done. I tried to make her understand where I was coming from. Told her how I wanted to focus on my studies, how I would have to get a job for expenses, and how I wanted to focus on myself and do things that make me happy.
She simply scoffed and said that I was going to juggle going to school A and babysitting and that was final.
So I gave her an ultimatum. Either I go to school A, stay home so she doesn’t have to worry, and occasionally babysit on the weekends or I go to school B, move in with a friend that goes there, and become completely responsible for myself.
All I was asking for was freedom and I was willing to compromise. Instead, she just started screaming at me that wherever I go, she goes and that she wasn’t going to allow me to ever leave. Tired of fighting with her ,I just said I would go to school A so she could be quiet.
I know that if I stay home I’ll be miserable so I decided that in the meantime, I’ll let her think I’m going to school A while I finalize my application for school B and get important documents and other things I need from her.
If I tell her now she will do anything to try to stop me. I don’t plan on telling her till sometime in May or June because 1) I’m scared, I honestly don’t know how she’s gonna react & 2) so she could have enough time to figure out what’s gonna happen to the kids. I feel slightly guilty going behind her back but I feel as though she’s given me no choice and it’s finally time for me to go off and do my own thing.
Am I the jerk for going behind her back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Go to the full-ride school. Keep it a secret.
At home, you won’t have time to study and there’s no way they’ll pay for your tuition! You need to leave and live your own life.
Make sure to hide your SSN, birth certificate, etc. You need to take everything. Also, check that they are not taking loans or things in your name.
‘I don’t plan on telling her till sometime in May or June.’
No, don’t tell her until AFTER you leave. This is a bad situation and they are going to go crazy when you tell them. I recommend you see if your friend has room during the summer. You can get a summer job and move in May or June to start familiarizing yourself with the area and saving some moolah.
‘so she could have enough time to figure out what’s gonna happen to the kids.’
Although this is nice and I know where you are coming from, it’s not your responsibility. The more time you give them, the more time they’ll have to guilt trip you or plan on how to ruin your chances.” Coco_Dirichlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody ever tells us this, but the truth is, nobody conveys adulthood status to you.
It’s something you have to get yourself. The way you get it is by making decisions and accepting the full consequences of those decisions. In this case, it means that if you decide to go to school B, you accept that your mother will be angry and not offer any support. She can’t stop you, but she can make it really difficult. Things like kicking you out early, taking away your things under the justification that she paid for them (doesn’t matter if she paid, she gave the thing to you, it’s yours), and so on.
You should get out while you can, and that means having a plan to get out. Is your car in your name, or your mom’s name? What about insurance? Do you have some coins set aside? What about a place to stay lined up? Any job options? Check with the school and see if they offer any employment options there for students.
It’s not going to be easy, but it sounds like you need to do it.
Your mom sees you as her childcare solution and house manager. Those aren’t roles that make time for you to grow and become the person you want to be. Your mom will cope with child care. It won’t be easy, but she’s an adult, so she’ll figure it out.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She is using you for her own comfort and to financially support her (indirectly).
She is so volatile and unreliable (changing her story), I would be worried about her reaction too. She is leaving you very little choice here. A) Be a slave and give up hope of succeeding at college (you won’t have time to babysit, and she doesn’t have the money to float your school expenses) or B) Go independently. A smart move gave the circumstances.
I also would not give her much notice at all.
What is going to happen is a big screaming match when they realize they can’t force you to sit your siblings (who are not your legal responsibility!)
You need to get your living situation arranged and change your address legally. You need to make sure you have all the documents you need in your possession, or get copies/new ones where needed (birth certificate, SS card, immunization records, etc. Now that you are an adult, all of those are legal for you to request, they are not hers to control.) Also, she cannot access your information at school, as she is no longer your guardian.
Arrange a van, so you do not have to make multiple trips. Pull up with some friends, hoik it all in the van and go. You can have the teary goodbyes later when she isn’t interfering with your moving day.
I know it sounds callous, but really, you need to get a move on before you lose this opportunity!” User
21. AITJ For Declining My Clan Members' Call?
“I’m a 25yo woman, I’ve been with my partner for 10 years. He and I game together but we also game apart. We genuinely trust each another. I don’t care if he games with women, he doesn’t care if I game with men. Easy, breezy.
I play a clan-based video game and lead a clan of 20 people. Today, we beat the alphas on our server and we were all wicked excited about it! I guess we were all being loud because 2 of my clan members’ wives heard my voice. I guess the 2 clan members know each other in real life so the wife who heard my voice told the other wife.
The next day, the 2 guys messaged me and said, ‘Hey, can we voice call you really quick?’ So they called me on Discord and told me 1 of their wives heard my voice and didn’t like that I’m a woman. They told me their wives needed to get on the call with me and talk to me. I asked, “Why do they need to talk to me,’ and they told me, ‘They just like to assert their dominance and make sure you know we’re married.’
I said, ‘How is that my problem?’ and declined the meeting.
They told me I’m being difficult and that their wives just need to make sure I’m not going to try anything.
I have no desire to entertain this and so I’m not going to. It’s literally not my problem they don’t trust their husbands. I just want to play the game.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my, just wow. I can’t believe the audacity of your two clan members asking you to play nice with their wives just so that they stop getting chewed out. Cowards lol. Their wives have trust issues and your clanmates are absolutely pathetic for putting the onus on you to appease their wives.
You had every right to decline.
You’re absolutely right that it’s not your problem. There’s just something so unsettling about this modern-day witch hunt and wanting to put you on trial simply for having a hobby that involved you interacting with two married members of the opposite gender. It’s super icky and I honestly hope their wives ban them from playing with you because I know from experience that the crazy doesn’t just stop after one encounter.
Chances are, they’ll continue to want to ‘assert their dominance’ at every opportunity.
There’s a guy I sometimes play a 3v3 competitive game mode with who has a very annoying gf that just happens to say stupid things in the background/make dumb noise/squeal and scream/and do just about anything to get his attention while we’re gaming. She gets close to his mic and asks really annoying questions and tries to stereotype me in any way she can imagine under the guise she’s just a jokester.
Thankfully, he knows to mute himself most of the time and I’m more focused on the game, but yeah… that’s just her asserting dominance and peeing on her territory lol.” JjadeT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, ‘assert their dominance’ more than likely means they want to ask you a bunch of personal questions or threaten you. And that’s a no-go. If they can’t trust their husbands or these men allow their wives to control every aspect of their lives then that’s on them not you.
You’re there to play a game and have fun, not tame these men’s wives. They can either stop asking and grow some balls or leave and join a men’s only clan.” Alphawolf5916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you doing the meeting will do nothing to assuage their fears anyway. They just want a fresh face to dump their insecurities on and someone to blame when the marriage turns sour.
I’d tell the men that this is a game, not marriage counseling. If they can’t keep the focus where it belongs they should step away from the clan.” Minnie_Soda_
20. AITJ For Not Trusting My In-Laws?
“My wife and I have been married for around 3 years. She recently got into an accident where the other insurance considered the car a total loss. The only damage to our car was to the two doors on the driver’s side, which we replaced and are working fine now.
Kelly Blue Book values the car at almost 6k, but her parents want to buy the car for 1.5k. They are emotionally abusive and tell my wife constantly that she is worthless and only has value when they can benefit them. I told her (I am signed on as the owner of the vehicle) that I am not willing to sign papers for less than 3k, which I feel is a fair price.
She said I am being emotionally abusive and shouldn’t say anything negative about her family… that aside from her mother borrowed around 1k from us while I was at work, knowing that we are too broke to even pay for health insurance.
We went to look at a house to buy, and her parents came along, the presence of helping us find a good place to live.
Come to find out, they only went with us to find a new property to buy so they could rent it out and earn more. Needless to say, I don’t trust them and don’t like how they do business. They ‘sold’ our old car, and said they would give us the funds made from the sale.
Once the sale was made (for 1.7k) they kept $200 for themselves.
If they had said that was the deal before the sale, we would have sold the car ourselves. But once the moolah was in their hands, the deal instantly changed. I do not trust them. But any time I say this, my wife begins harassing me and telling me that I am emotionally abusive for saying her family is taking advantage of her. It’s gotten to the point where I cannot even watch a movie in my own home (where I am the sole financial provider).
Am I wrong for sticking to my values and saying her family is toxic? Or should I readjust my own values?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife, and her family are. In-laws only go as far as their son/daughter lets them. Good for you for saying enough is enough, they can take the mistreatment elsewhere. They have 2 options behave and be part of your family or option 2, there will be no relationships.
Your wife excusing her parents does make her part of the problem. She is enabling the behavior, by choosing to play blind and let it fall on deaf ears. She really needs counseling, I guess when you have experienced mistreatment for so long you tend to tune it out and pretend like everything is awesome.” Potential-Thought253
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honestly I’d start looking at divorce.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t watch people degrade my spouse. The issue is you also can’t make her see it or believe it. But since you’re ’emotionally abusive’ it should be no problem for her to sign divorce papers. I think YWBTJ to yourself if you stayed.” Swimming-Low-6895
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but here’s the thing: You cannot help people see something they don’t want to see.
Your wife wants the love and approval of her parents. She is also refusing to acknowledge they are using her. You can’t fix this if she doesn’t want to fix it. You should be kind and calm when speaking to her (because this is a hard thing) but stand your ground. If therapy is an option, maybe suggest that. However, at the end of the day, it’s her choice to open her eyes or not.” Janeite84
19. AITJ For Burping And Yelling When A Potential Housemate Is Visiting?
“I (M32) was going to have someone (F22) move into my house and decided we could have lunch first before sealing the deal. We’d met a few times beforehand including me helping her get groceries that she wouldn’t let me drop off because her roommate might see me. And then she wasn’t home at the agreed-upon time for me to drop them off. (An AITJ for another day).
So the day of reckoning comes, we’re eating pizza and drinking beer and I have one of those burps that cannot be contained, unleashing it straight ahead. I obviously said excuse me and saw her covering her face with a napkin. I said I was sorry and she said it was the most disgusting thing she’d ever seen. I apologized again. She said she could still smell it and I completely disrespected her.
I again said that I was sorry, and I’d try to drink carbonated beverages more slowly around her so it wouldn’t happen again. I figured that offering an apology, with a promise to do better and specifics as to how to accomplish the promise, would suffice. I would have just laughed if I were in her shoes, but I understand the world takes all kinds.
That didn’t slow down her complaining. She said that I burped for a minute right in her face. Obviously hyperbole on one count, and I didn’t turn to look at her to burp. And the pizza box was closed so the food was safe. It went for about two minutes with me trying to get a word in edgewise (I watched the clock after the 60-second burp remark) to no avail.
She was just repeating the same points so I asked if I could say something. She didn’t even acknowledge what I said. Normally I’m a good listener, but when someone just rambles without adding anything new, I think a conversation has run its course. I again repeat my apology and how it won’t happen again and say that I think we should move on. She says that she can’t move on from something so disgusting and disrespectful.
Now I realize we just won’t mesh living together.
As she continues, I’m starting to feel like the characters in movies that hear a million voices around them, and they inevitably just snap. The first time I’ve ever felt this mind you. So I ask her to please stop talking. She doesn’t. I ask her again to stop talking. She doesn’t. Finally, I look at her and raise my voice and sternly say, ‘Stop talking.
This conversation is over.’ I said it in the ‘Dad pushed to his limit, but not to the point where he fully shouts,’ type of way. After this, she said she was afraid to be around me and left the room. In hindsight, one of us leaving the room would’ve been the right move before this escalated, but that didn’t happen.
She said she had never been yelled at before and then she started crying.
I gave her space and asked if she wanted me to go to another room, or if she wanted to go to another room. She declined and said she just wanted to go home. I offered to call an Uber but she said I could drive. On the way back I kept my mouth shut and listened to her berate me and tell me I needed help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re two very different types of people. Count yourself lucky you discovered this before moving in together.” nmerald
Another User Comments:
“It was a burp not like you vomited on her that would be another story. If you raised your voice and didn’t yell, I think NTJ.
She just sounds sensitive, to be honest.” Interesting-Week-483
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids To Be Included In Family Pictures?
“I am a 29F and I am married to my husband of 6 years Jon 34M. We have 2 kids ‘Samantha’ 4F and ‘Jacob’ 2M. We are both working professionals and so we have pretty busy schedules but try pretty hard to make time for extended family. Well, a few months ago my parents asked my brother and his wife and myself and my husband to get together for family photos.
We were happy to do it as an early Mothers’ Day/Fathers’ Day gift and took the photos about 3 weeks ago. My mom had organized the whole event and gave the photographer a list of groupings that she wanted. She included photos of the whole family, all the grandkids together, each individual family, my parents with my brother and me, myself and my husband together, grandkids with grandparents, etc. It was a long day for the kids but it made my parents really happy so we were happy to do it.
The issue comes up when my MIL saw the photos posted by my mom last week. She told my husband that she would also like to set up a photographer for her to have photos done with the grandkids (we have their only two). My husband said he would check with me and get back to her but she said no need since she only required the kids and my husband for the shoot.
He thought it was strange and told her he would get back to her.
When he told me he asked me my opinion I said it was strange that she didn’t need me there for family photos. I asked him for more clarification and when we called her on Facetime, she informed me that she plans to do a family shoot for just her family.
I let her know that my husband could do whatever he wanted but our children would be sitting out a family shoot that did not include their mother.
My husband said if she really wanted photos with him and his siblings (he is the only one that is married), he would do it but that our children were our family and that they would not be included. My MIL and family are blaming me and she is arguing that she deserves photos with the grandkids like my parents have and I already have my family photos from the shoot with my parents.
I think she ruined it when she didn’t want to include me from the beginning and is doubling down on her reasoning by saying ‘I got my family photos already.’
I may be the jerk because I could just let my kids go with their dad but I don’t think I’m the jerk because it’s weird for my kids to do family photos without their mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SO. WEIRD. It’s totally ok if she wants photos of her with the grandkids alone, like granny and her grandbabies, but not wanting you in any of the photos is just FLAT OUT RUDE. It would not seem quite as bad if she just wanted her children and no one else, but most normal people get several different combinations of photos, like you, hubby, kids, MIL; MIL with another sibling; MIL with grandkids alone; grandkids with you and hubby.
I mean FFS, get some of you with the family to be… God forbid… Polite. Imagine just being e****g nice to the woman who carried said, grandchildren.
Please don’t think I’m making fun of older people but does your MIL realize that it isn’t like the old Olan Mills studio days, right? Photo shoots now usually mean you get a lot more photos.
Either way, this is hurtful.
I’m only trying to give her a tiny bit of the benefit of the doubt in case she thinks she’s going to be choosing 4 proofs or something. That’s the only way I can make such an awful request make any sense in my mind.
Don’t help your husband pick out her Mother’s Day gift this year. Don’t wrap that for him either. Let him deliver it to her in a trash bag.” Brave-Cheesecake9431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see people saying who cares, let her do it, but the problem is if your husband and yourself allow her to exclude and isolate you, it will only get worse. It’s not about the picture. It’s about a very obvious snub and lack of courtesy. If your husband doesn’t make clear that you are a part of the family and he won’t tolerate her slights, she will push the boundary each time.
Why include you in Christmas? You’re not family! Why respect your wishes when she has your kids? They are her family but you are not. If you were newly going out or something along that line, fine. That’s not the case though. When someone takes up this attitude, it only gets worse if it’s not nipped in the bud immediately.
Whether you end up divorced or not, right now you are very much in the family.
When my husband and I got married, he had a wedding picture from his first wife. He wanted to trash it, and I told him his daughter might want it and it can stay in storage until she is older, but he wasn’t throwing it away. If I can be respectful about a picture with his ex-wife, she can tolerate a spouse that is very much in the picture!” -crackrabbit-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
MIL is being super petty. She’s not inviting you cause you didn’t invite her. I bet she saw red when she saw the photos, especially the ones of OP’s parents and grandkids only.
In her perfect world, I bet she wanted your husband to just bring the kids and have you see the photos online of just MIL with OP’s husband and OP’s kids.
Then you guys would be ‘even’ for the disservice you did her.
So NTJ. What you did was what every other family has done. What she is doing is to spite you which makes her the jerk. Grow up MIL.” UltNinjaPS
17. AITJ For Refusing To Work For My Father Anymore?
“I’m 28 years old and completely independent of my parents. My father who has a website for his company keeps pressuring me to work on it every week. I’m working 60+ hours a week to support myself and save funds for my future so I tend to be quite exhausted most of the time. I’ve been trying to tell him for the past 6 months that I am no longer interested or capable of handling the web issues for him.
He offers to compensate me but I’m just not interested, as any free time I have I want to just relax. AITJ if I just stop engaging in the website work cold turkey?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If this is an area where you have some contacts, you could point him in the direction of an available acquaintance.
Or tell him the list of skills he should be looking for and tell him to check job sites just like everyone else.
You don’t have to do either, but it may make this transition easier for you as well as your dad.
I had a similar situation with my family and I just had to rip the band-aid off. Thinking that payment makes the intrusion ok is ridiculous.” porknbeenz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have a choice to continue and help or stop, you exercised that and your father should stop bothering you.
If he truly needs help with it, he either learns how to do it himself or hires someone who isn’t you to do so. Try coming up with a list of reliable people he can approach to help him with the website, this way he has no reason to bother you unless he’s a jerk.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If he’s willing to pay for it then he can hire someone else.
He might think he can pay you less because you’re family and isn’t offering fair compensation.” SatanicSunflower
16. AITJ For Blaming My Partner For Losing His Job?
“I (24F) got my partner (31) a job where I work cuz he didn’t wanna work the coal mine anymore, saying how hard he had to work, so on and so forth. I told him if he was to leave the mines, he’d have to make sure he had this new job lined up. Fast forward, he leaves the mines and is now hired on to where I work.
Everything was all fine and dandy for a little bit, but unfortunately, that wouldn’t last for long.
After only being at the job for a month, he starts finding reasons for leaving work and lying about it to me. We would carpool to work cuz of course we live together, and when it was time to go home, the car would be nowhere to be found in the parking lot.
He’d make up all kinds of nonsense excuses – too many to mention – and expect me to not be annoyed.
Now mind you, this job has a point system, and you can only get 9 points before you’re terminated. You call off, it’s a point. Leave work before 10 PM, it’s a point (we worked the night shift). Leave after 10 PM, it’s half a point. We work 3 12-hour shifts plus a mandatory 10-hour extra day.
It seems like he was always skipping out on a day every week, and the points kept building and building. He didn’t even have any plans of putting in applications despite knowing he was on the verge of being fired, he just kept messing around.
No matter how much I called him on his nonsense, it’s always in one ear and out the other. All he wanted to do was stay home, mess around with his best friend, and get wasted (he’s a heavy drinker btw).
He even acted like he was going to work once on one of my days off and ended up going out and partying with people he barely knew.
About 2 weeks ago, he finally got fired cuz he got too many points, leaving me as the sole provider. Our house payment is coming up along with my medicine refills and utility bills, and he’s not even batting an eye when I mention everything.
He’s making me out to be the unreasonable one when I know my paycheck alone can’t cover everything on such short notice. As understanding as I try to be, I finally snapped and told him it was his fault that he got fired in the first place, that he shouldn’t have messed around so much, and that he’d still have a job. And now in his eyes, I’m the bad guy cuz I called him on his nonsense.
Now all I can do is lay in my bed and stare at the wall, depressed and wondering what I should do.
So, AITJ for having to flip the switch and tell him that it’s basically his fault that we’re struggling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re about to be in a financial emergency, and to save yourself, you need to quit treating him like he’s suddenly going to become responsible and produce his share of the money and start making plans to pay the rent and the utility bill and get the medicine you need.
The next step is to decide if you want to stay with a dude who puts you into this situation to drink and mess around with his friend, as well as embarrass you at work.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is also worrying that he doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that he lost his job and now has less income coming into the house.
He sounds like he’s going to mooch off of you. Good for you for calling him on his nonsense.” marvelousmalady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your partner isn’t pulling his weight in this relationship and it’s putting you both in a difficult financial situation. I don’t blame you for snapping at him. I think it would be in your best interest to consider the long-term viability of this relationship.” junkinthistrunk
15. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom And Wife For Dressing Up My Son?
“I have a 3-year-old son, and my mama and wife think it’s hilarious to dress him up in girl clothes. My mama use to do it to me and I use to get so confused and refused to wear girl clothes for my mama’s amusement when I was 6. I lost it when I came home from work the other day and they had put him in freaking heels and a pink ballerina outfit, complete with makeup!
I kicked my mother out and yelled at my wife that he was a boy, not a girl! She said it was just some fun and I don’t need to be a spoilsport. My mama also texted me and said I have to keep up with the times that a child can choose whatever they feel comfortable with. I said he can’t even decide what socks to wear, never mind his gender, he’s a b****y boy!
My wife and Mama are calling me a hard nut and spoilsport because I told them they’re not to do that again.
Edit: I’m getting asked if my son was enjoying it? When I walked in, he was trying to pull it off and they were stopping him so they could take photos of him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is a person, not a toy for their amusement.
Your mom’s argument is invalid and pretentious as figuring out your gender is different than the one you are born into is a personal choice, not something done to amuse grandma. Your wife didn’t even seem to offer defense beyond finding it amusing. Children are people, not dress-up dolls. Now, if your son, at some point decides on his own to dress like a girl, I hope you are supportive.” shaney1968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Forcing a child to wear something they don’t want is just cruel. My daughter (2.5 and very good with sentences for her age) doesn’t like to dress up as the Disney Princess outfits we got her but she will pick up a dinosaur top or spiderman top wherever we go and wear that. Currently, her duvet is spiderman as she loves him but she also has Frozen and Winnie the Pooh as she loves them too.
She chooses whatever she wants or doesn’t want (within reason of course. If it’s winter no she can’t run around outside in a summer dress).” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
When I was a (boy) child I would walk around in my mother’s heels and wrap myself in her scarves… because I wanted to. Forcing a child to wear clothing that makes them uncomfortable for your own amusement is awful.
I also find her comment about the changing times pretty insulting—she’s not dressing your son in dresses because she’s trying to help him express himself, she’s doing it because she finds the concept of a boy being forcibly dressed in clothing made for girls funny. If she truly thought gender roles were outdated then there would be no reason to do this at all. The discomfort seems to be part of the fun for her, especially with how you mention your own childhood… something tells me she would suddenly be thrilled to dress him in boy’s clothing if he started indicating he preferred the dresses instead.” frandlypeople
14. AITJ For Wanting Freedom To Do What I Want?
“I’m gay and in a relationship with a trans-FTM. Lately had a falling out with my dad and brother after my dad told me to my face he has no faith in me and my brother went onto my email account and changed the password to it without permission.
I haven’t talked to them since that. There is other stuff too.
So the story begins a few days ago when I’m at home on a day off from work and I get a text from my mother asking if I would like to get lunch while I’m at work. I agree because finances are tight and I’m not gonna say no to a free lunch but also because I love my mother with all my heart.
She is the one family member who doesn’t put expectations on me but can be overbearing and baby me sometimes.
Well, anyway I’m at work today and as I explained to my mother I don’t get a break at work because I’m a supervisor and the only one on shift since I sent the other person home as they weren’t feeling well, I work at a tourist attraction for those interested. She comes over and gives me a milkshake from Mcdonald’s which was delicious and we talk for about 20 minutes, while at the same time she is watching my niece who I adore, I answer all of my mother’s questions and tell her how I’m doing then she brings up my brother and saying he was hurt because I didn’t wish him a happy birthday.
The man is 25 years of age btw so not a child, then I told her the truth that I wasn’t ready to forgive him for invading my privacy just yet but when I do decide to I will let him know myself. She then tries to pull the ‘family’ card which I just accept but don’t make any concessions towards it being made, so my mother then leaves and goes home with my niece and I say bye.
I get home and as it gets to 11 pm I get a wall of texts from my sister on my phone telling me I’m a selfish self-centered piece of work and how I’m no longer her brother but I would always be welcome to be her brother again if I were to stop acting like a jerk for somehow hurting my mother’s feelings and that my S/O is somehow to blame for it.
My S/O is actually one of the only constant sources of support I have in my life and I don’t even know where my sister is getting any of this from. I have no idea what I did wrong or if I did anything wrong at all and I can’t see it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your mom is trying to piece the family she knows back together, but she’s going after the wrong person who needs to initiate those steps.
Your brother changing your email password is vindictive and you deserve an apology for that. A sincere one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not being ready to forgive him.
You can’t change who you are and who you love, because it sounds like both of those people are really cool. I hope your family comes around someday and realizes that your happiness is a very important thing and that addressing their prejudices, especially towards their own kid, would really make for a better world.” ennomine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How convenient of her to tell you you’re no longer her brother until you follow her exact orders like a good little puppy. Nah, your family definitely has issues but I wouldn’t feel bad about following your own path and cutting them off if they insist to be so toxic in your life.” jfcfanfic
13. AITJ For Not Driving For My Workmate Anymore?
“I (31f) was giving my (58f) coworker a ride for a while.
She doesn’t give me gas budget nor do I expect it but recently it started being too stressful. I gave her a week’s notice and on Friday she asked me if I was busy in the morning and then got mad when I said I was. I reminded her the day before too. She’d told her sister that she didn’t need a ride… after I’d told her I wasn’t giving rides anymore.
She cold-shouldered me (which is w.e) the whole shift. Dude it’s just too much now, after 12 hours I wanna go home, I don’t want to take her anymore. I shouldn’t have to, and she said she’d pay for my car detailing if she had an accident in the car… she didn’t take her anti-diarrhea meds.
I feel for her but I just can’t do this anymore, especially after the car detailing comment.
And she never says thank you, and has started plugging her phone in the USB without asking me. Personally I think it’s rude. I always ask first. And she unplugged my phone and I didn’t know it so I missed an important call from my docs office. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not her chauffeur and you definitely don’t owe her anything.
Where is this sense of entitlement coming from? She should be worshipping you as the next coming of Christ when you are being so generous sending her to work for free.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“You ABSOLUTELY are NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to get her to work and she is being rude and ungrateful. She’s an adult, she can figure out how to get to work.
You’ve been way more generous to her already than most people would be, honestly!!” Ok-Struggle3367
Another User Comments:
“NTJ congrats on standing your ground. The car detailing comment is UNREAL… gross. She didn’t seem to have any prevention in mine either… like sitting on a trash bag?? Car detailers are not magicians, that will literally be embedded and all they can do is remove surface stains.” wheretheFdoistart
12. WIBTJ For Getting Mad At My Mother-In-Law For Being Extra With The Kids?
“I (38f) and hubby (42m) are married for 15 yrs (don’t have or want kids).
His brother (C, 44m) and SIL (E, 38f) have two kids under 10yrs. MIL is 71 yrs and FIL died more than10 yrs ago.
MIL is pushy about the kids and gives constant unwanted advice to E, complains about not seeing kids often (sees them twice a week at their sporting club, babysits about once a month), and not being invited to family events (like going to the zoo).
MIL has been asked by C and E not to give the kids gifts outside birthdays, Xmas, and Easter. She frequently does anyway, giving them small inexpensive stuff. She also gives them heaps of stuff on birthdays etc. spending well over $100 on each kid at each event. Hubby and I have both told her that she is buying too much stuff for the kids and that C and E don’t like it.
The event: before Easter MIL says ‘oh I bought too many things for the kids would you like to use some for your gifts to them?’ We say sure.
The gifts ‘from us’ were a novelty pen and a ceramic coin box for each kid. Hubby asks if there’s any coin in the boxes and MIL says no. I say we should put $1 in each or it will be bad luck.
We all agree (although hubby and I both thought it was over the top for Easter presents).
I went away for Easter and hubby didn’t go to the family event cos he was unwell. MIL says she will take our gifts over for the kids.
Hubby was talking to the kids on the phone and found out that MIL put $20 in the coin boxes and an extra sticker book in each gift.
My reaction: I’m really annoyed! I feel disrespected and used. MIL knows (or should know by now) how I feel about the over-gifting. She used my name as a cover for doing something that will annoy C and E.
What I want to do: I want to tell MIL that I’m angry about what she did and not to do things on my behalf without my say-so.
Hubby says MIL won’t understand why I’m angry and will just be upset and it won’t be a problem in the future cos we won’t let it happen again. He’s asking that I don’t say anything.
But I think that’s nonsense.
Additional info: MIL has become my ‘witch-eating crackers’ so I need some outside opinions.
I don’t like or speak to C or E, but their wishes regarding their kids need to be respected.
What do you guys think?
Edit: I do have a ton of issues and I think you guys are right in that I’m projecting and being controlling (ouch that one hurt). I’ve got a lot to tell my psych next session.
I’ve told hubby I’m not going to say anything and apologize for stressing him.”
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ because I know what’s it’s like to have a rotten MIL.
She should learn to respect boundaries but meh, not your problem. The best thing to do is let them all argue amongst themselves and stay out of it. I’m sure C and E figured out that she ‘padded’ the Easter gifts since you and your husband tend to respect their wishes.” Brave-Cheesecake9431
Another User Comments:
“Nothing she’s done has signaled she’s disrespected you, that you should be this annoyed. I would stay out of it.
If you are this upset don’t agree to take on her extra gifts in the future and then it becomes her son and other DIL problem. I tend to agree with your husband – I would just roll my eyes and let it go.” Bellbell28
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I don’t understand why you’re so involved in this. You say you don’t even like C and E, but you’re getting all upset for them on their behalf about too many gifts for their kids?
Let them deal with MIL about this and stay out of it.
I get you don’t like that MIL used the gifts she gave you to slip extra $$$ in, but it’s not that serious. Again, let C and E deal with it and stop getting so upset about something that doesn’t really have anything to do with you.” PeachCinnamonToast
11. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor I Don't Want To Tutor Her Kids?
“I (35F) am a private tutor.
My neighbor S (42F) requested that I tutor her 2 children (12F and 14F) in Mathematics and Science. Their grades have gone up to straight A’s, with the younger even scoring perfect 100%.
S requested a huge discount as we were on good terms (I am listed as the girls’ guardian), with the agreement that sessions would be thrice a week. My usual rate for 1 to 1 tutoring starts at $40/hr, and for her girls’ levels, their individual rates would have been $50/hr and $55/hr, or $75/hr for both girls together.
However, S kept telling me about all her financial burdens and I lowered the rate to $45/hr for both girls together, with the agreement of 3 sessions a week.
From the beginning, I made it clear to her that weekends are my free time for activities with my dogs, and I only accept urgent requests for tuition plus weekend rates are higher (they start at $60/hr).
Last week S told me her elder girl was failing English and requested a temporary weekend slot but at their usual rate. I didn’t want to be calculative so I accepted. After the first weekend lesson, she texted me to say that the girls suddenly had after-school activities, and would have to drop one of their weekday slots. I agreed because these things do happen sometimes.
After the second weekend lesson, S texted me again to tell me that she would only need tutoring on 1 weekday and 1 weekend from now on since she had signed her girls up for enrichment classes on another weekday when we were supposed to have a tutoring session. She seemed to expect the weekend slot to be a permanent arrangement.
I was taken aback because I felt like I had been forced to give up my weekend for a lower rate than normal. I tried to ask her if it would be possible for her to change the enrichment classes to the weekend but she texted me a short ‘no’.
After consideration, I decided to put my foot down and texted her this:
‘To be frank, I am not happy with this arrangement. I only agreed to a temporary weekend slot as I was under the impression that your daughter needed urgent help as she is failing English, but now you are reducing the number of sessions to fewer than what we started with, which makes me feel like she didn’t really need the extra tuition on weekends.
My weekend is for bonding activities with my dogs or urgent assignments only, which are supposed to be temporary arrangements. I hope you can understand my pov.’
She replied, ‘Fine, then don’t come.’
2 days later, she texted me that she no longer wanted me to tutor her girls. She also unfriended me across all her social media.
AITJ? Was I too rude in my text?
Just a few days ago I was still dropping by with breakfast for their family, and now the girls dare not even talk to me when I run into them. The younger told me that S was really annoyed at me but the elder shushed her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been taking advantage of you all the way around and is annoyed that you stood up for yourself.
Additionally, everyone is allowed to have days off, and you’ve stated that your days off are the weekends. Stop explaining to clients what you’re actually doing with your time off because it’s none of their business.
For all they know you could be messing around and that would be your private business. I’m willing to bet she comes back around and tries to beg you to take the kids again for cheap tutoring when she finds out she can’t get better rates everywhere else.
If I were you I’d stand my ground and not take the kids again because she’s just going to continue treating you like trash. I know however those people who work with children tend to get attached, so if you decide to take the kids on I would 1. Only take them back at your usual rates, 2. Set firm boundaries and do not allow this woman to cross them, 3.
Never again explain what you’re doing with your time off.” HappyElephant82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was absolutely taking advantage of you and you were allowing her to. Don’t lower your prices just because she’s your neighbor/friend. Your time is just as important as hers. Her finances are not your concern so don’t allow her to take advantage of you.
I’m a school teacher and do some private tutoring as well.
I charge $60 per hour and work only during the week. Some companies and other teachers charge up to $120 per hour.
You don’t owe her anything. Don’t give up your weekends for her. If the situation was reversed I highly doubt this woman would be accommodating to your time and finances.
If she changes her mind and wants you to continue tutoring her children I would say, ‘No.’ Or at the absolute least I would up the price.
You do not have to justify why your weekend time is off-limits. It’s perfectly acceptable to just say, ‘No’.” alexbayside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Trash took itself out. She only cared about squeezing you for cheap stuff as much as possible. The sad fact is I’ve heard of this kind of thing a lot from people with a sob story, ‘oh I can’t save up for a deposit’, ‘my kids need this’ who turn around and often people with all the excuses will wring your generosity for all it’s worth.
Harsh as it is, if it’s not family or close friends who’ve given you years of loyalty and good behavior, you need to be tough on people like this. If she was truly struggling that much she would not be begging for private lessons for her a-grade kids. That’s not a need.
People who don’t pay you appropriately paradoxically don’t value your time as much.
This lady was getting you on the cheap so she saw these services, not as highly valuable resources she was lucky to have but just something her neighbor did, which she should have on your schedule.
Cut her off, and I don’t know what guardianship means but remove yourself from that.” FlahBlast
10. AITJ For Triggering My Coach And Getting Mad At Her?
“I (15) ticked off my Highschool volleyball coach today (IDK how old she is but she looks to be about 30-40).
We don’t talk often but I was gathering a poll question from all the coaches, about 4 or 5. We were laughing and joking about ice cream, oreo, and Dorito flavors. (Cool ranch is the best btw) When we disagreed about Dorito flavors. I jokingly wagged my finger at her in her face. She said, basically yelling, ‘Get your finger out of my face before I break it.
I’m serious. Where I come from that is incredibly rude and disrespectful. Don’t ever do that again.’ (She is from Texas and we’re up in New England, although she doesn’t act like it).
I was just kind of shocked and quietly went to a spot in the group. I was listening to my coach when another coach joked with me and I joked back.
We were both poking fun at my friend saying things like ‘everyone was beautiful except for you when you made this one mistake’ and she laughed. Girls behind us were also talking. She stares at me and only me gives me an angry look, and says ‘Who is interrupting (insert coach name here)!?’ I immediately stop talking. The girls behind us keep talking. This coach turns around 2 more times to yell at me despite it not being me.
As I walked out of the gym, I gave her admittedly a decently dirty look. And then I turned around and left. As I was leaving I heard her talking about me to the other coaches. I may be the jerk bc she’s my coach and an adult who probably deserves more respect. I could also just be a bratty kid and may be over exaggerating but I tried my best not to when describing the whole thing.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Some people get really, really triggered if a finger is pointed at them, no matter what the reason is.
Yes, it is conventionally seen as an aggressive and thereby rude gesture, but you were horsing around and I’d have given you a pass on a playful finger wag.
Some industries actually train their employees to never point. Watch Disney employees and flight attendants—they are mostly pointless, I believe.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, wagging a finger is extremely disrespectful and rude. Now she could’ve handled the situation better but her reaction tells me this isn’t the very first time she’s had a situation with you in one way or another.” ChaosNHamHam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She sounds like a bitter old woman who hates her job. Live your life kid. if a finger makes her that mad next time give her the middle one.
If you can handle a detention.” AccomplishedEnergy49
Chalk it up to generational culture [ a small jerk]
9. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Living In Fear?
“18f and M, I stayed over at his place and the next morning we showered together.
Actually, before I continue, his dad had testicular cancer when my partner was like 8-9, he lived but it wasn’t a great experience for the family just for context.
As we’re in the shower, I see him kinda feeling himself and when we’re done I ask him what he was at and he explains he’s made checking A ROUTINE IN EVERY SHOWER. So he doesn’t forget.
Like okay, I understand his fear, but the average age for it is 33. And checking is like a monthly activity? Maybe every fortnight? Every day is a problem.
Like I told him that’s living in fear, it’s like if he got bloods done weekly for everything, it’s unhealthy behavior.
He got really defensive saying I don’t understand and I have no right to judge him on this. I tried recommending he work through these past feelings but he told me ‘there’s nothing wrong.’ And The more I tried to give helpful advice the more irritated he got.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So… I think YTJ because cancer is genetic and his father had a scare and that can be deeply traumatic. You could have gone about this in a different way that wasn’t so heavy-handed and antagonistic (ie. Not immediately calling it ‘a problem’ and implying he has some psychological issue that he needs to ‘work out’ – all of those things are so pathologizing and paternalistic and kinda rude).
Honestly, it sounds like the self-checks make YOU uncomfortable and you might want to reflect on why, and then maybe ask him to do it when he’s showering alone, or maybe suggest once a week. Either way, you sound super heavy-handed for someone who has a legit reason for continuous self-exams.
Also, from what I remember about testicular cancer in medical school, it can actually occur pretty young.
Depending on the type, it’s actually quite prevalent in boys in their teens and 20s – far more than pretty much any other cancer type! (barring the distinctly pediatric cancers, at least) It’s funny because I’m pretty sure it’s the one cancer type that is really really prevalent in his age group. So you got that totally wrong… (Side note, my cousin got testicular cancer when he was just 19.
It spews to his b***d and has required intensive chemo for two years.)
So YTJ for being kinda harsh on someone who’s been through something traumatic and has legit reasons for checking (genetics) but also YTJ for using your inaccurate/faux medical knowledge (I’m assuming you Googled it? Hopefully that’s a lesson that Google is not an accurate source of medical info) and shoving that on someone else who’s trying to protect themselves.” tiannatorres
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you came from a place of love and affection. But don’t give unsolicited advice to something you may not fully understand. That would annoy anyone. you should try to understand. As a man, with balls, they are very important to me. Having testicular cancer where I could potentially lose them is very very scary. And it’s even scarier if he has a family history and went through a traumatic experience.
He is definitely living in fear, and this is a problem, you’re right. You should be a bit more sensitive. Instead of immediately getting him to stop, try talking to him about how he’s feeling, and how it helps him. Talk to him about testicular cancer, by asking him questions. If he can discuss it and increase his understanding of it, it may help him put some rationale to his fear.
Ultimately though, he may need therapy.” Mythical_Truth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You aren’t giving him ‘helpful advice’, you’re weirdly obsessing over something he does that has absolutely no effect on you whatsoever and you wouldn’t even know about it if you didn’t shower with him. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. He’s right, you don’t understand and you have no right to judge him.
His health is his choice and only his choice, your opinion here doesn’t matter in the slightest. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s ‘living in fear,’ it’s not your life, so it’s not your choice.
You are a jerk for being so patronizing and disrespectful, acting like your opinion on something that doesn’t have any impact on you is more important than his opinion on his own health, which is based on his experience watching his father live through cancer.
You need to learn it isn’t always about you and your opinion doesn’t always matter.” Worth_Raspberry_11
8. AITJ For "Borrowing" My Dormmate's Clothes?
“My friend is my roommate at our college. Around two months ago, they began to ‘borrow’ my clothes because according to them, my style is better.
Sometimes they would borrow a sweater, an accessory, or a pair of jeans.
At first, I didn’t mind since I don’t go out often and usually lounge in my pajamas.
Then it became a problem when the stuff they’d borrow wouldn’t be given back.
I started to realize that some of my clothes were going missing and I knew it was my friend. When I asked for the stuff back, they’d tell me that they were going to hold on to it for a bit more since they needed that specific piece for a certain event.
I grew tired, so eventually, I started to ‘borrow’ back my own clothes from them because I knew they weren’t gonna give them back. Today they confronted me about stealing their clothes and that’s when I told them that they had yet to give back what they borrowed, therefore I was just taking it back. They got angry and threatened to call the RA to get me removed from dorming (I have evidence of my stuff belonging to me, so I’m not too worried).
AITJ?
UPDATE: Talked to the RA when they came to our dorm. As I said it was pretty easy to prove that my stuff was mine (I mainly shop online). They’re getting removed from the room by the end of the week and will be relocated to a different dorm building. I talked to a mutual acquaintance of ours (who used to the dorm with them) and apparently, they had the same problem.
We’ll be talking to the RAs in that building to let them know. I kind of feel bad since they genuinely were a good friend but I’m not tolerating this any longer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The gall of her to steal and accuse you of the act when you claim what’s rightfully yours back. If she doesn’t report, report the incident yourself.
Her behavior isn’t how friends treat each other.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You should ask to be transferred to a different dorm. They’re childish. And make sure you get every single piece of clothing back.” AccomplishedEnergy49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re getting your clothes back, not borrowing theirs. Tell them your closet is off-limits, and start locking your room/closet if you need to.” QuackLikeMe
7. WIBTJ If I Send My Letter For My Father To My Grandparents?
“I (21F) have a pretty complicated relationship with my father (47M), that is a result of years of him living in other cities, and sometimes states away, his drinking habits, the fact that we both are extremely closed off people in relation to our feelings (although I’m in therapy), his probable preference to my sister (12F) over me when we were younger and he was still married to her mother, him telling me that he loves his bikes more than his own daughters once while we were face calling, among other things.
The thing is, a couple of weeks ago, our already very fragile relationship began to break, even more, I had an appointment with a doctor in my mom’s city, which is also the city my sister lives with her mom, and my father went to visit her, he told me, and after practically begging for it, he picked me up from my appointment so we could be together for a little while.
Long story short, he ended up swearing at my mom, cause he was adamant about not bringing me back to her house, and then, when my stepfather (48M) went to pick me up he got mad at me for calling my step-dad.
Then, two weeks ago, I got sick and while texting every member of my family to relay it to them he was the only one to not even ask how I was (he only said that it was my fault for being wild), and that hurt a lot since that was the first time in my life that he did not ask about my physical well being, because he was MAD AT ME for not answering his once a week calls for the two weeks between incidents.
I’ve talked to my grandparents from my father’s side of my family, but they mostly swept it under the rug and change the topics of the conversation. (Edit: he’s my grandma’s favorite child, to the point that, my grandparents and his siblings don’t acknowledge my dad’s problem with drinking among other things) So then, after this last episode, I decided to write a letter to him telling him all I’m feeling.
I ended up not sending it to him and showing it to my mom (43F) and she was worried for me since that was the first time in my life I let that hurt out, to the point that even she didn’t have a clue.
So what I’m asking is, would I be the a****e for showing this letter to his parents (my grandparents) so they can understand how I feel in relation to my father?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but not really. This is complicated, so please correct me if I make a wrong assumption.
Your dad is very much a selfish jerk. That much is clear. And you’ve said that you attempted to talk to his parents about his behavior, and they pretty much ignored you. My question is, why are you trying to get validation from his parents?
I don’t know you. I don’t know your family. But it sounds like the topic of your father is a sore spot for your grandparents. They honestly probably know he’s a jerk. And it makes them sad and disappointed that their son turned out this way. Hence why they try to avoid it. You didn’t provide a lot of info, but it doesn’t sound like your grandparents are praising him as someone who does no wrong.
Also, he’s an adult, he makes his own decisions, your grandparents can’t reprimand and punish him like he’s their 10yr old child.
The reason I say YTJ is because, if I’m right, sending this letter is only for you. If your grandparents already know he sucks, then sending that letter will only cause them more pain, and might even make them upset at you. You need validation for the way you’re feeling, for how your dad hurt you, and the person who you need that from is your dad.
You need an apology from him. And that’s understandably scary. I wouldn’t send the letter to his parents. I’d talk about this in-depth with your therapist. Let them read your letter. Honestly sending him the letter after he’s had a chance to calm down may be the best course of action. But I’m just a random on Reddit, so don’t take my word as law.
I hope this all works out OP. Quite frankly, it sounds like your Dad just doesn’t know how valuable you are as a person. And when (if) he does, it’ll be too little too late. I hope you can repair the relationship but sometimes it may be better to cut people out of your life when all they do is hold you down.” Mythical_Truth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wouldn’t. That letter should be personal between you and your father, and your grandparents will always love you, and always love their son. It’s not a contest.
You’re right, and your feelings are valid, but this is only hurting you.” schlarmander
Another User Comments:
“What does that solve, dragging your grandparents into it and worrying them? This seems to be between you and your father.
We all have baggage. Work through it with the person you have an issue with, don’t drag the whole family into it. YWBTJ, grandparents have their own worries; retirement, passing away, and illness. The last thing they need is to be pitted between their son and grandson.” Responsible_Candle86
I also think you should get some therapy to help you work through having a crappy father. Once you work through that, you won’t need validation from anyone, including your crappy father.
6. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Copycat Friend From My Wedding?
“I (25f) have a friend Ashley (27f) who over the past two years has started to show who she really is. At first, I thought she was a really nice and loving person who meant well but the closer she and I have gotten, I’ve started to notice how negative and condescending she can be. She’s always talking negatively about our friends and complaining when things don’t go her way, but acts all sweet and caring in front of the person she was just talking about.
She’s also a bit of a copycat who’s constantly trying to upstage our other friends or me.
For instance one of our friends got a newer car so she bought a brand new one. One of our friends lost 100 pounds so she went on an extreme diet. My fiancé (25m) proposed to me 6 months ago. When we announced it, she messaged me immediately wanting to know what plans I’ve made so far.
I told her I hadn’t thought about it yet since it was still really recent and we left the conversation alone for a while.
When I had finally set a date, I let her know and told her about the venue we had picked out as well as the theme. Well, our mutual friend Sara (24f) told me later that the reason she asked was because Ashley wanted to redo her wedding the year after my wedding.
This didn’t bother me. Ashley got married in 2020 so I understood her reasoning. When Sara told me that Ashley wanted to use the same venue as me I felt my stomach sink. I had just revealed information to someone who wanted to copy my ideas. I feel bad for not inviting her but I feel like it’s in my best interests not to.
So AITJ for not wanting to invite her?
Edit: I don’t really care about the venue, it’s the fact that her copying other people is a pattern, and when she copies other people she undermines the other person’s accomplishments and acts like she is better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you want and leave whoever off the guest list no questions asked. I do think it’s weird though you think she bought a new car just because someone else did.
A car is typically something people save up for and many people get a new car at some point in their 20s. I also don’t see why you had to clarify it didn’t bother you that Ashley wanted a redo wedding since hers happened in 2020. There’s no reason why that should bother you. That’s actually really common for people who married in 2020 to have another party now.” windowtotheshoesole
Another User Comments:
“Change your venue, don’t say a word about it to her, then see what she does. When she finds out if she is trying to upstage you she will immediately change hers. Also, keep her out of the bridal party and planning. Mostly just keep her at arm’s length until she can prove herself. NTJ.” Emma21122
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t want to invite her, don’t.
It’s your wedding. I don’t understand the copying part – like who cares it’s kind of a compliment, but it doesn’t matter. If you have outgrown her or she is not someone you see as a long-term friend, then ease away. NTJ.” Responsible_Candle86
5. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Jerking The Steering Wheel While I'm Driving?
“My significant other and I were driving home from getting groceries and taking a left turn on an inside lane; I made a particularly narrow turn that would have hit the median uncorrected because traffic to my right took a tight turn; I had full intention of correcting this once I had a little room.
During the turn, she grabbed the wheel and jerked it to the right, thankfully still within our lane but scarily close to the car beside us on our right. Nobody was hurt, no collisions or bumps, but in the moments after I yelled at her saying that what she had done was a serious hazard and it could have gotten us seriously hurt.
I’m a little slow to break once in a blue moon and she takes that as an excuse to call out every possible minor thing on the road; I’ve asked her to stop but she continues anyway.
I have a flawless driving record to back me up when I say that I’m a good driver and aware of my surroundings, but still, she’s back seat driving constantly. Normally I can tolerate it but today it became a genuine danger and I yelled at her about it.
She can’t handle yelling, she grew up in a single-child household where it was all her parents ever did, and I know I’m in the wrong for bringing up that trauma; but I’ve tried and failed to make it clear that she was being distracted and now it’s a genuine hazard to deal with.
When we got home I brought in groceries, realized we forgot something, and went to a closer store alone to get it quickly; on my return, she was sleeping in bed, which I left her to do while I cleaned the house for a couple of hours. Now she’s up and we aren’t talking to one another unless I ask her to take out the dog, or something in that vein.
This girl takes any argument and drags it into a days-long debacle, and her birthday is in the next 2 days. Is it worth sticking to my guns and making her birthday a bitter day or should I try to apologize for yelling knowing full well I won’t get one in return?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, jerking the wheel is super dangerous. This is something you’ve spoken to her about before, so how much longer are you supposed to put up with her ignoring your feelings?
You sound like you’re relatively good at self-reflection, you can acknowledge the past trauma your yelling might have brought up, and you seem to care about the way she feels. But I’m not really getting the sense that she feels the same.
You want to apologize, but say you know you won’t get one in turn. You feel bad because you broke a boundary of hers and upset her, but she broke a boundary of yours (asking not to comment in driving, breaking the boundary put you both in danger and you in emotional distress), and from what you’re saying it doesn’t seem that she thinks she did.
I would honestly suggest you spend some time thinking about this relationship. Does she truly care about your feelings (and by that I mean, does she show it, not just say it when asked)? Or does her behavior follow this trend of breaking your boundaries – victimizing herself – you apologizing?” damiin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Backseat driving gets on my nerves so bad and is super distracting for me with ADHD.
I wouldn’t be able to be in the same car with someone like her. Hoo, boy.
What she did was dangerous and she should be apologizing to you. No, you shouldn’t have yelled but with being scared/surprised/angry at the moment it happens. Dragging out fights for days even when she’s in the wrong? Not healthy. Sounds like if her birthday is a ‘bitter’ one because she wants to hold a grudge, that’s on her.” ConferenceDecent4222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, nobody should touch the wheel if they aren’t driving. but I might suggest having a sit-down conversation where you apologize for yelling at her (you know it’s traumatic for her but at the time she could’ve seriously injured both of yall so you reacted out of fear/emotion, something like that) and tell her why it was dangerous. ik you said she doesn’t listen but I think as long as you’re calm it might get your point across.” alaccnt
4. AITJ For Being Upset About My Sheets?
“I have eczema and I share a room. In my house, my parents have 4 kids, plus them, and multiple pets. But I share a room with my 8-year-old sister while I’m 14. My family friend is staying with us, she has two kids. One is 10 and the other is 2, and the 10-year-old gets on well with the 8-year-old. So they were hanging out in my shared bedroom, and they were laying on my bed. I kept telling them to get out of my bed and they kept telling me to wait.
So I threatened to tell my parents, and they got out the bed. I didn’t get back in my bed immediately, but when it was time to go to sleep, that’s when I got upset. In my bed were my art markers, and a lot of chip crumbs, and half of a mozzarella stick.
This is where my problem comes in because I have such severe eczema I’ve been to the ER about 4 different times for cellulitis, so that mess that they left in my bed could have given me a horrible flare-up.
Or one of my flared eczema spots could’ve gotten worse. This was 2 days ago I think, but I’ve since then tried to brush all the crumbs out of my bed. But today we did laundry, so we washed sheets and clothes. And I wanted to change my bedsheets, this was about an hour ago.
So my problem is that I need my bedsheets to match, and if they’re not matching I need them to be cohesive.
I went to dig in the laundry bag and my mother told me to just wait until tomorrow. That’s when I got angry because sometimes laundry just piles up, so I’ve had the same bedsheets for about a month and a half. Now they don’t stink and they don’t look dirty, but I just feel dirty after what my sister and a family friend did.
I had told my sister and friend that they weren’t allowed to sit in my bed anymore because that was ridiculous, what they did. They then got upset and told me that wasn’t fair so I snapped at them and said how I have eczema and can’t afford to get cellulitis again.
I have senior trips coming up (I’m on spring break right now) and I graduate in June, along with a mock trial. Not only that but it took me all year to heal from my cellulitis last year and still left a huge mark on my leg.
I went on to tell her how I could’ve gotten in a difficult situation last year because of my cellulitis, it was really bad. The doctor told me that had I waited any longer my b***d could’ve gotten infected or I could’ve gone into shock. So I was extremely upset when my mom told me to wait to change my sheets. So AITJ for getting angry?”
Another User Comments:
“It is hard to balance in life even at 14, so I am going to say NTJ but you will be if you don’t start taking personal responsibility. I read where you felt like you only had control of your bedsheets, so take full control and wash them, they are so dirty even without the kids being in them it makes me feel sorry for you.
You are just going to have to make the time. I know my family is gone from 7 in the morning until 9 at night most days and my 8-year-old can still wash the towel and sheets in our house twice a week, it is one of his household duties and he has been doing that since 6.” runningonempty2nowhr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. OP, if you’re 14 you’re old enough to do your own laundry.
YTJ for freaking out on your mom for not washing your sheets. And before you talk about how you don’t have time to do it, you can make time. While you are in all these extracurriculars (which is great!) your physical and mental health needs to come before the extracurriculars. All of the adults in this situation are the jerk for enabling the behaviors of the 10 and 8-year-old, and you to a lesser extent.” oddlychemical
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re 14, you’re capable of washing your own sheets if you want them washed before your mom is ready to do them. You live in a crowded house, so you have to make compromises. Your sheets being a matching set or being ‘cohesive’ is really just about you being picky, and has nothing to do with the cleanliness of the sheets or your eczema.
I suggest putting a large sheet or blanket over the top of your bed during the day, so any more crumbs or random things don’t get onto your bed sheets where you sleep.” QuackLikeMe
3. AITJ For Cursing At Teenagers?
“I took my dog on a walk and towards the end, I saw some kids probably aged 12-14.
Their dog lunged at and pawed at my dog and my dog sort of lunged back.
One of the kids apologized to me while I just shook my head and said ‘stupid idiots’ (referring to all of them) not screaming but loud enough so they could hear me. Then a stranger came up to me and said they were sorry that happened and acknowledged that dog was being aggressive and the kids walking it weren’t paying enough attention.
To be fair I probably should’ve walked around them far enough so there wasn’t as much contact. It was pretty inappropriate of me to swear at someone. To compare I’m 23 yo.
Was it really that bad for me to curse out kids? Did I overreact to them? Am I as much of a dummy? You tell me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ without question. I get that their dog lunges at your dog but that’s really no reason to call a group of middle schoolers ‘stupid idiots’.
Not only did you call them that, but you also called them that WHILE they were apologizing to you for it. You overreacted a lot, and with you being 10 years older than them, you should have been the bigger person.” samisochimba
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You can’t always predict how a dog might react. Your dog may have never lunged at another dog in its life and all of a sudden it will start this behavior.
You don’t know the history of the other dog.
The kids apologized. Which was the right thing to do. You’ve also admitted you could have avoided the situation yourself. The comment was not needed.
It wasn’t terribly bad, but I will say you are very young. If you keep those comments up people may start calling you a boomer.” Affectionate-Item818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They’re kids man, you’re telling me your dog has never acted up around others and is always the greatest owner ever?
Not to mention that your dog lunged back and you yourself mentioned that you probably should’ve distanced yourself. You’re aware your dog could’ve reacted negatively and you didn’t take precautions? You’re 23, at least 12-year-olds have more of an excuse.
Stupid idiot.” summerinsummerisle
Which, BTW, isn’t exactly what I’d consider swearing. Throw a few f-bombs in there and then you’ve got a good “swear”.
2. AITJ For Being A Hypocrite About Gatekeeping?
“My best friend of a few years now and I are very different.
She enjoys bonding with people by liking the same content such as games or movies, yet I’ve always been protective over things I like and I’d rather keep them as ‘my thing.’ About a year ago, we had a big fight that lasted a month maybe, where I liked thing X, and therefore I was mad about her liking thing X as well, even though she has also liked it even before we met.
The thing was very close to her and she fought for it, reasonably because I was being a jerk then and I hate myself for it, but in the end, I made her completely stop talking about said thing for a month until she couldn’t take it anymore and our friendship was suffering.
After that, we’ve been very close with only a few small bumps in the road because we understand our differences, but now, a new problem came up.
She has liked thing Y since she was a child basically, and she liked all of it like everything about it, yet I, since I was a child as well (a bit older though), only liked a segment of said thing and now whenever I mention that one small portion of thing Y she starts acting very weird. She has said previously that she never liked that ‘yours-mine’ stuff and that if anyone else came up to her and said ‘oh my god thing Y is the best thing to ever exist’ she would be thrilled that they like something so great, but if I did, it she would be kind of sad inside.
We talked about it before and she did say she doesn’t like that at all about herself and wants to change it, but holds a grudge regardless. I do think I hurt her really bad during that fight a year ago and she said herself I changed since then, but I still can’t help but feel sad when I mention things Y, and her replies are so shallow and dull if she even replies at all, and it upsets me because I really love the little bit of thing Y.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being a gatekeeper in the past with thing X and other things. You’re NTJ for simply liking Y, but I think your friend being upset seems to be a mix of lingering pain from your past jerkiness and her own hangups re: Y you seemed to hint at (your story is a little hard to follow since you won’t even say what the things are and it gets convoluted towards the end).” Dajbman22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you considered that the reason she gets so dull when you mention Y is that she’s scared you’re going to do to Y what you did to X? Maybe she’s anxious about sharing things she enjoys with you because if you start liking it too you’ll start getting possessive and angry about it. Even if you’ve changed, you can’t expect someone to not still be hurt by something you did in the past.” damiin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She probably doesn’t like talking about it because she knows you’ll try to take possession of Y and act like you’re the only person allowed to like it. You’re awful. She’s sick of you being awful and doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. You don’t own a thing. You are the worse part of any fandom.” roselee72581
1. AITJ For Mowing My Lawn On Easter Sunday?
“I don’t celebrate Easter. My schedule is pretty full between work and volunteering. This past week was very busy for me. Between that and the weather, the only day that would work for me to mow the lawn would have been this past Sunday.
Now while I don’t celebrate the holiday, my understanding is that it typically entails church services in the morning, an Easter egg hunt, and then perhaps a late lunch.
Going off of that impression, I figured if I waited until the evening (say 6ish) that most people would have wrapped up their festivities.
So I go out and start mowing. About 2/3rds of the way through (not a large yard, maybe 10k sqft) I stop the mower to empty the bag. As I do this, I hear someone start yelling ‘hey! Hey! Why are you mowing the lawn on Easter Sunday?!’
Now I look around and spot someone on the neighbor’s back porch. I can’t really see them due to a couple of trees in the way. But it’s the next-door neighbor who I’ve honestly never really interacted with.
Taken aback by the question I respond ‘well it’s going to rain tomorrow.’
This apparently was the wrong answer, because the person flew into even more rage.
They started swearing at me and saying ‘you need to respect other people’s religion! I respect your religion so respect mine and cut that nonsense out.’ Now as I mentioned I’ve never interacted with this person so I’m not quite sure where the religion thing came up.
Needless to say, I was kinda stunned by the whole thing and I actually just put the mower away and went inside.
Now my lawn has a mohawk and I won’t be able to cut it again until at least Wednesday.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh no no no… you should have continued to mow your lawn. You just told that person that you can be shamed by THEIR religion into you doing what they want. What’s going to happen next the Sunday you want to mow your lawn?
This is seriously the problem with religion. People are awful to others all in the name of religion and I’d bet all the money I have on it that their God would not have approved of their behavior.
NTJ.
ETA: My father-in-law was doing all kinds of yard work and burning sticks and other stuff on Easter. People can do what they want on their property so long as they aren’t breaking laws.
And the fact that you even considered other people’s feelings blows my mind. Definitely not a jerk my dude.” Clover_Jane
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Why are you mowing your lawn at 6 PM? I get Easter Sunday and trying to accommodate people’s afternoon Sunday dinner at like 2 PM. But, by 6 PM that’s still Sunday night, and people getting prepared to relax and prepare for their work week again.
I don’t think, you’re the jerk. Definitely, your neighbor is the jerk, coming out and swearing at you. But I think mowing the lawn, AT ANYTIME on Easter Sunday, let alone 6 PM on any Sunday is a bad call.” Capital-Western8687
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re a bit foolish for not finishing the job and leaving it for Wednesday. Personally, I would have continued mowing and drowned out the noise from the neighbor with the engine.
Nothing wrong with mowing on Easter. There were landscaping companies out doing lawns on Easter near me.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You didn’t need to leave it until the evening when everyone is winding down and enjoying some quiet time. Your neighbor should’ve handled it better too.” Useful_Experience423
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