Sometimes, we tell little lies that seem harmless, and usually, they are. Whether we are lying to protect someone else, ourselves, or just to avoid another less-than-desirable situation, we’ve all done it. The problem is when the lie which we thought was minor and in passing turns out to be something others hold on to. In those situations, we either have to keep up the lie or spill the beans. Getting the truth out, especially after a lie has gone on far too long, can be more than a bit awkward and uncomfortable, however. That’s probably why many people opt to keep the lie going instead of letting the truth be known, even if it is something totally insignificant. We’ll even choose to keep lying if protecting the lie is making our lives more difficult, solely to save some face. While that may sound like a ridiculous thing to do, remember that the ego is a very fragile thing.
Generally speaking, they are downright ridiculous; many of the little lies people let go on far longer than they should. The stories below will provide plenty of proof of that. Though, before you laugh too hard at the predicaments these folks around the world have gotten themselves into, ask yourself one simple question: would I be guilty of creating and keeping a white lie like this too, considering the circumstances? Chances are, you would be guilty at least a decent chunk of the time.
68. She Thinks A Grown Man Never Learned How To Tie His Shoes
Pixabay
“I’m the kind of person that always leaves my shoes tied and just slips them on. I’m seeing this girl for a couple of months, and then one day, my shoe gets untied, but I’m too lazy to re-tie it. It really bothers her and she insists on me tying it. I really don’t want to bend over and do it for some reason.
It was around the time when Liam Neeson got his shoe tied by Olivia Wilde, and I was crazy jealous because I really liked Olivia Wilde since watching House.
She eventually asks me, “Don’t you know how to tie your shoes???” In my head, I’m seeing Liam Neeson getting his shoes tied by Oliva Wilde and how bada** it looks. So I say “No… I never learned how. You can’t tell anyone…
To this day, when my shoe gets untied in public, she will pull me off to the side away from other people and secretly tie my shoe.
For some reason, it makes her happy and it’s the sweetest thing ever. I can’t understand how she would even tolerate a grown man who doesn’t know how to tie his own shoe! I’ll never be Liam Neeson cool, but I’ve found my Oliva Wilde.” kdxn
67. Taking Credit For Being A “Hero”
Pixabay
I mean, how do you even tell someone that you didn’t save their life after all?
“The lie: I saved my best friend’s life when we were kids at the YMCA pool.
So, one year for Christmas, I was at my friend’s house; we’ll call her Pat. At this point, Pat and I were teenagers and had been friends since we were preschool age.
So… we’re all gathered around telling stories, and Pat wants to tell the story of how we met, which I honestly don’t remember. I assume it was through school? That’s not the story according to Pat.
Pat says she was at the YMCA pool and decided to jump into the deep end before learning how to swim well.
The lifeguard wasn’t paying attention, and she started to flounder in the water. So… I swim over with my little water wings on and we go back to the shallow end to play. Friends for life. The end. Her family LOVES this story; everyone is enchanted…
The only problem is, this never actually happened? Or she’s remembering someone else? But she looks at me at the end of the story, like, YEAH, YOU’RE SUCH A HERO. OMG, REMEMBER THAT? And I… didn’t want to ruin her parade I guess? So I was just like, “Yeah, totally.
Friends for life. That happened for sure.”
I know it’s DEFINITELY not me. I went to the YMCA afterschool program in our school gym… not the YMCA HQ where they have a pool. I’d never even swum in that pool until I was a **** (camper in leadership training) at age 16 at my YMCA summer camp.
But… she tells this story whenever we get together, and sometimes she’ll ask ME to tell it, so I just recount it the exact same way she does, pretending to add my own spin on it.
At this point, we’re both nearly 30, and I’m in way too deep to tell her now.” delicious_downvotes
Another User Comments:
“Follow up: Another lie: Same friend (Pat) and I made up a language when we were kids and can still speak it to this day.
So… we definitely “made up” a language, and by that, I mean we spoke gibberish words at each other at length and pretended we could understand one another. It was largely based on gesture and facial expression though, so it wasn’t exactly hard to “get the gist of it” without ever making a real language.
This was middle school.
Years later… she will tell people we 1) made up a language together and people think she means like a REAL language with words and syntax and that’s just not true, and 2) we can STILL SPEAK IT TO THIS DAY, at which point everyone ALWAYS asks…. “Oh, so can you speak it right now?”
Just… kill me and bury me in the sand. So then she’ll spout some gibberish at me, and I… have to spout some gibberish back at her because I’m not going to leave my friend hanging like that, but wow, it is embarrassing because whoever is watching obviously immediately figures out we’re FULL OF ***.
She just… keeps charging on like they have no clue and we’re amazing geniuses, and I’m over there speaking gibberish back at her thinking to myself, “Please just kill me now.”
66. A Teen Tries To Skip School And Ends Up Causing Himself Years Of Lying
Pixabay
“My buddy and I attempted to skip school. We planned that the next day he would stay home “sick.” I would use this landline phone I had in my room which had a “hold” feature to (what I thought would) tie up the line all day so that the school couldn’t get ahold of my mom (who worked from home).
This is obviously long before cell phones were a thing. I would go to buddy’s house and we would play Genesis all day.
So, turns out that phones don’t work like that. We’re hanging out and suddenly I hear a car outside. I run downstairs and hide while buddy answers the door to my crying mother who asks if he’s seen me. He lies and says no. When she goes, I come up and decide that I’m in big trouble and need to cover it.
I plan to say some “teenagers” from the nearby high school were picking on me and chased me around a neighborhood I didn’t know well. I head home and run into my dad who was looking for me. I give him the story and he seems to buy it.
He takes me home where my mom is on the phone with the police. She had my school picture out and is crying. She puts me on the phone and makes me tell my story to the cop.
He sounds skeptical, but he accepts the story. My mom is happy I wasn’t abducted by serial killers. She then asks if I want to go back to school in the afternoon. I say I do (because it’ll get me away from being grilled about it anymore at home). But at school, I get grilled by my teacher and the principal. My friend informs me the entire school went on lockdown when I was “missing” because of potential abduction.
I had to keep going with the “teenagers” story for years.” Cripnite
65. He Put Himself In An Emergency Situation To Cover A Mistake
Pixabay
“I was unemployed for several years after a small business I owned folded in ’08. It was a terrible period in my life. I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Each job rejection felt like the loss of a close friend and I honestly didn’t know what I was good at anything since everything I enjoyed doing ended up in failure.
One day I get a lead on a dream job. The pay is pretty good and there is a clear path to move up in the company. I put on my best (and only) suit, clean myself up, and absolutely nail the interview. I get a call the same day to meet the partners for a second interview the next day. I was even told that no one else had come close to being a better fit for this position and that meeting the partners was essentially welcoming me to the company.
I run out and spend $200 on another suit to make sure no one sees me in the same one as before. I go home and obsess over my resume, thinking of any angle they might take to question my recent unemployment….I can’t lose… I set 5 alarms on my alarm clock for 3 hours before the interview in 5-minute increments. I take a sleeping pill and head off to bed.
The next morning, my eyes crack open.
I look over to my bedroom window, which is covered completely with blackout curtains because my sleeping habits had been so bad. There is just enough of a gap to see some sunlight through, my heart stops. I had set my alarm for 6 am, there shouldn’t be any light. I rush to the window, grab the curtains, and rip them off the rod to confirm my fears that it’s not 6 am. I jump over my bed to grab my phone, maybe it’s only 8 am and I still have time to make it.
I hit the home button and let out a gasp. It’s 9:45 am, not only is it 45 minutes past my interview, but I have 4 missed calls from the office and a text message from someone I’d only met once saying “Are you alright?” Opening my alarm app showed that I had set my alarm for 6 PM… Mother *****.
I* lost it, every painful moment I’d experienced up to that point had come together to collectively beat the **** out of me.
I knew I had to think of something to explain my absence. I ended up with an idea that had no chance of working, but because I was so out of it, I had convinced myself that it was a lock.
I went to my bathroom and moved my straight razor so it hung over the counter by a bit. I then swung my hand and hit the blade with the outside of my hand knocking it off the counter.
It was an accident that was sure to sound plausible. I look at my hand, nothing. My razor is laser-sharp though as I had just sharpened it. I made a fist and heard a tiny “pop” followed by a thin stream of ***** shooting on my neck. I stuck my hand in a garbage bag and grab my keys and drive to the nearest neighborhood clinic.
It had only been 10 minutes and that bag must have had a pint of ***** in it.
I ended up getting 21 stitches which set me back another $400. I looked like I’d just finished storming Normandy when I had the nurse dial the phone for me. I gave my story about how I’d knocked the blade off the counter and needed 21 stitches. I also told him that the wait had been several hours in the emergency room which should cover most questions he might have thought up.
I even decided to up the ante and insist that I come in for the interview after I had a chance to clean myself up.
I don’t know if it was the medication I was taking, or a “**** it” attitude, but I was calm as a cucumber. I even unwrapped my hand to show everyone my wound. Long (long) story short. I got the job. I’ve worked here for 5 years, my life has made a complete turnaround. I’ve moved up from an entry-level position to a director position. To this day, every time I see the faint scar from the stitches, I get a little proud of myself.
The only side effects I’ve had is a little numbness in the area of the cut; there is absolutely no scar from the cut itself, only 42 tiny dimples from the stitches. Strop your blades with a mixture of jewelers rouge and mineral oil is my tip of the day.
The first few months, I was terribly embarrassed to think about what I had to go through because of a stupid mistake that should have never happened.
Eventually, I began to see it as the length I was willing to go to fix the situation I was in. Not many people get a permanent physical reminder of that.” truestorythrowaway23
64. Admitting He Knows What Potatoes Are Could Destroy His Relationship
Pixabay
All over what started as a simple joke.
“My partner (who let me tell you is only my 2nd partner of all time) said I am “invited to dinner” with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation.
But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression, and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served, I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes was.
That would be funny.
Well, let me tell you: backfired on my face. I’ll tell you how.
So first when the potato bame on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked “This looks very interesting. What is this?”
They stared at me and the mother said, “It’s a baked potato.” And I was saying “Oh, interesting, a baked….what is it again?”
And she was like “A potato.”
And I was like “A ‘potato’, oh interesting.
Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good.”
And then they didn’t see I was clowning but thought I really did not know what a potato is. So I knew I would be very ashamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn’t know what a potato is.
They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato.
I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit and my partner was acting very confused and embarrassed by my “f*cked up antics” and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when their parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.
Well, let me tell you, I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like “Enough is enough. You’re ******* with us. Admit it.” And I said “Sir, before today, I never heard of a potato. I still don’t know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don’t know what to tell you.”
Well, let me tell you he got very annoyed.
I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said “Taste’s very strange!”
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying “What are you doing?” and my partner went to some other room.
Finally, the father said I should, “Get the **** out of his house” and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before.
Well, let me tell you he didn’t take that kindly.
Now in text messages, I have been telling my partner I really don’t know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don’t know what a potato is.” Reddit user
63. Anything To Look Cool To His Friends
Pixabay
“So during my senior week at the beach in high school, this girl pulled me upstairs to get hot and heavy.
I wasn’t particularly about it, but this kinda stuff never happened, so I decided to see how it played out.
Turns out she’s really into giving hickeys and is straight sucking my neck like a vampire. Like it actually hurt. I soon come to the realization that this isn’t going in the direction I want and she’s on her period. I somehow manage to get out of there alive.
When I arrive back at our house, I look into the mirror and my entire neck was black and blue.
***.* I go into my room and crack a beer and fire up a bowl while everyone is passed out in their beds.
Slowly one of my friends wakes up and is like, “Dude, *** happened to you?” So this is where the lie comes in. I start creating this elaborate story about how me and my one friend (let’s call him Tim) decided to go to a gentleman’s club that afternoon. I tell them that I had paid for an “extra special” dance and during the process she gave me these horrible hickeys.
My friends are slowly waking up and totally eating up my lie. So I keep on making it crazier and crazier much to my own amusement.
See now, my friend Tim at this point has awoken me every morning to start partying without fail, and I totally expect him to do the same tomorrow. I tell them that Tim had slapped the a** of this big booty h*e at the club, fought the bouncers until I ran out of the backroom to drag him out of there.
When I wake up the next day, I’m surrounded by like 20 people and I hear my one buddy retelling everyone the dancer story! Freakin’ Tim didn’t show up to deny my story! Crap. So now sober, I try and go into full damage control mode and try and tell the real story, but nobody believes me! And of course, like typical high school, the story spreads like wildfire. When people finally catch up with Tim, that ****** says it’s completely true!
Now even still 5 years later whenever I see people from high school, they ask me about it.
Even my first roommate in college had heard the story!” Cudpud
62. His Mother Wasn’t Even Dead
Pixabay
“Not me, but a friend. He had to pretend that his mom was dead for years when she was actually perfectly healthy in East Texas.
Basically, my friend had just moved to a new town and didn’t know that many people. A few folks were over at his apartment, hanging with his roommate, and something came on TV that made my friend joke his mom had died.
Everyone there didn’t recognize it was a joke and took it seriously, and my friend didn’t do anything to correct them. He didn’t think it was a big deal because those people weren’t really his friends, so he probably wouldn’t see them that much. Welllllll, he was wrong. They actually became a pretty tight group — and they all believed his mom had died.
Whenever I was hanging out with them I would have to avoid mentioning my friend’s mom because she was “dead.” It doesn’t sound that hard to do, I mean how often do you talk to your 22-year-old friend about his mom, right? For some reason, the topic of his mom ALWAYS came up in conversation.
And not like jokes or burns about his mom. I’m talking about legitimate reasons to talk about her (I had gone to high school with this friend, so I knew his family pretty well). I remember one time bringing his mom up and there just being this really awkward silence because everyone thought she had died and I was being a giant ***.
S*o naturally, this lie put limitations on my friend’s new friendships with these people.
They would never be able to go back to our hometown because that’s where his mom was. If his parents ever came to visit, the friends could not be there. I was a big supporter of coming clean and telling them the truth because who could live that kind of life? And besides, I was tired of having to artificially construct all conversation to avoid talking about my friend’s mom. What can I say? I guess I’m just a person who loves talking about moms.
The whole thing came crumbling down when my friend started seeing one of the girls in this group of new friends (this was years later, btw). Her grandmother died and she looked to my friend for comfort because of what he’d been through with his mom. That was when he told her. I don’t think it went over well at first, but I think she took it OK after she thought about how stupidly hilarious it was.” t0mserv0
61. Everyone Believed He Was Going Out With Taylor Swift
Pixabay
“During my third year teaching, I was in the middle of a lesson and one of my 4th graders goes, “Mr.
Expletiveinyourmilk, have you ever heard of Taylor Swift?”…This is like 2015…of course, I know who Taylor Swift is. So, to answer the question, I go “Well, considering I’m seeing her, yes I know who she is.”
The class didn’t believe me at first, so I came up with a story on the spot. I told them that I had met her at Universal Studios while waiting in line to ride a roller coaster. I said that I was the only person to not freak out because I knew who she was but wasn’t a huge fan and didn’t want to bother her.
She was in front of me in line and when it came time for her to get on the ride, her bodyguard couldn’t fit because his shoulders were too massive. She asked if I wanted to go along with her and I said sure and we ended up spending the day together.
I understand how ridiculous the story is, but I’m telling that I deliver it very much like Will Hunting delivers all of his fake brothers’ names in Good Will Hunting.
So, I maybe convince one or two students that day. Well, the story just starts to spread. And eventually, other teachers get a hold of it. There are a few teachers who think it is hilarious, so they stop by my room randomly and ask me if I had heard anything back about tickets. Students start catching on. Why are teachers asking me for tickets? Word gets to my assistant principal and she comes in on it.
She comes over the intercom one day and tells me that Ms. Swift has been trying to contact me and I need to tell her that I can’t take personal calls during work. No way that the assistant principal is in on it. All the kids are convinced.
That legend stuck around for the past two years. I would have students ask me if I went out with Taylor Swift. If we were still together. Parents asking me if it was true and I had to tell them that it was because I can’t not let them believe I went out with Taylor Swift.
I did say that we broke up, it was going to be too hard to maintain the storyline without more proof, but the legend remained.
This summer I got to work at a summer camp for gifted students at a college. All of the other counselors are college-aged kids. I tell this story to some middle school boys, some of the brightest minds from around the US and the world…totally buy it. And one night, all the counselors are hanging out and my roommate goes “You have to tell this one girl counselor because she’ll totally believe you.” and so I tell her.
And she just sits there staring at me and goes, “I just don’t know how you could go out with someone famous. The pressure you guys must have felt must have been crazy.”
So, I successfully convinced a lot of people that I once went out with Taylor Swift.” expletiveinyourmilk
60. She Made Up A Fake Little Girl To Sell Cookies For
Pixabay
“I made up a child in order to sell cookies.
In my office, I ran a little snack store, and Maude, a single mother who worked down the hall, asked if I would re-sell a huge amount of Girl Scout cookies (Maude that year had decided to just buy out her daughter’s quota to get it all over with.
She now had boxes and boxes of cookies in her garage.)
So we started offering Girl Scout Cookies for resale.
Sales were lackluster. I’d tell everybody they were for Maude’s daughter, but Maude was quiet and worked for a different department and nobody really knew her or that she even had a daughter. So that didn’t count for much.
I went online and found a picture of a girl scout who was wearing glasses like mine. She had red hair and a not perfect but still cute little smile.
I printed out her picture and stuck it up above the cookies. I began telling people she was my daughter and asked them to support her.
BAM! Sales went through the roof! People didn’t know I had kids (I didn’t. Still don’t. I was single at the time and gay). Quickly people started asking questions and somehow the answers supplied themselves.
Her name was Ariel–A name from “The Tempest.” She was NOT named after the mermaid (she HATES that movie).
She lives with her mom who is a Marine Biologist (we’d had a disastrous and very short honeymoon: She’d wanted to go dig drainage ditches in Kenya, and I’d wanted to go to Disney World.) Ariel wants to be a Marine Biologist like her mom. . .
Sales were through the STRATOSPHERE!
Details about my Ariel kept emerging: I call her “Button” and we do this thing where I playfully tweak her nose. She’s at the stage now where everything I like isn’t cool.
She refuses to watch “Return of the Jedi” and won’t read “Harry Potter.” She never came to our “Take your Child to Work” day because her mom’s job was way cooler.
My coworker got into the act and we pretended that her kids sometimes had play dates with Ariel. I went on a rant once which ended with “So help me, if she loses one more retainer. . .”
It was amazing fun. I thought for sure everybody knew I was joking, but it turns out some people really believed me.
One day Maude came in to refill our stock and saw the picture. She got a funny look on her face and came back in fifteen minutes later. She’d printed out a picture of her daughter (unfortunately, kind of awkward and dumpy and without a cute smile). She put a sign up about these being her daughter’s cookies and put it up over my little Ariel.
Sales plummeted.
Eventually, I put Ariel back up and we quickly sold out of cookies.
It was amazing. The power of a cute redheaded spokes girl worked for Wendy’s AND my little snack shack.
I did not keep the lie going. Once the cookies were all sold, I did let everybody know that Ariel doesn’t exist. All the same, I sometimes wonder what my little Button is up to. She’s probably in college now.” hpotter29
59. She Was Convinced He Was A Pro Basketball Player
Pixabay
“I didn’t do this, but I am related to someone who did; we’ll call him Mike.
After a crushing divorce (no kids involved), Mike was completely distraught. He went from a handsome 6’2″ confident 30-year-old man to a husk of his former self. I had no idea divorce could change someone as much as it changed him – his esteem and sense of self-worth were crushed. His ex-wife was a cruel woman who did some horrible things we only learned about afterward.
Mike was always an upstanding person. Honest, helpful, generous, very loyal to his family.
Even though he didn’t recognize it, there was a line up of women waiting in the wings to go out with him. Sadly, he was feeling too depressed and useless to see this.
One day, Mike was at a bar with some friends and he met a woman. For whatever reason, he told her he used to play basketball on the European basketball league for some German team. Now, this honestly wasn’t a stretch since Mike was tall, very athletic, and had been given a scholarship to University to play basketball (a knee injury ended his run).
What was a stretch was Mike having a LOT of money from his time as a pro player and planning to build his own mansion and retire at 30-something.
I think it was sh*tty, but I get why he did this. He was lonely, didn’t think he’d ever see this woman again, probably just wanted to feel important and he fell back on the “what could have been” of his past. He probably thought he could have one night of feeling special.
The problem is, he did see her again, and again, and again. They actually really started to like each other. Before you knew it, they were going out for a year – and the entire time, she thought he was some former big-shot millionaire pro basketball player.
His actual situation was that he was living at home, jobless, and 50k in debt. The loss of job and debt can be credited to his ex, but that’s too much detail to get into here.
He played off living at home by saying he was there waiting for the details of the new mansion to be finalized.
This woman he was seeing came to weekly family dinners Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. for over a year and somehow he managed to steer her clear of his lie. I remember one time when we were at Christmas dinner and another family member mentioned they were learning to speak German. The woman was interested, she said to Mike, you know some German too, right? Everyone looked at him like “***?” and he laughed saying, “Not enough, just what I’ve picked up in movies, haha.” He played it off and nobody really understood her reference and she didn’t really seem to care.
It’s not like speaking German is a requirement for playing basketball. I think back on that now and consider how terrifying those moments must have been – there were so many that only make sense in retrospect.
One family gathering, she sits down and has a long conversation with another lady and she outright talks about Mike’s past and future goals. The lady she speaks to just nods her head politely thinking, “Is this the Mike I know? Is this guy really famous? This can’t be right, can it?” But being somewhat new to the family (1 year) and knowing he did go to school on a scholarship, she thinks maybe there’s some truth to it.
Later, she asks Mike within earshot of others and again he manages to deflect. Pure terror for him, I’m sure.
Eventually, one day, while Mike is at work (new job), she’s at his parents’ place (where she spent considerable time – entire weekends) and she casually says to his mom something about him being a millionaire and how long it’s taking for his new house to be built. It all comes crashing down. While Mike is at work, his mom and his partner are having a long discussion about how Mike is 50k in debt, never played pro ball, does not own a big piece of land, and will most certainly not have a mansion in the near future.
Imagine Mike’s emotions when he gets a call from his mom to tell him that his partner just left the house furious because she found out that his lie finally got figured out. Imagine his mom’s reaction to finding out he’d been dishonest for so long. That totally wasn’t his character.
That woman went on to make Mike’s life a living **** for a good 2 years after. She. Was. P*ssed.
It was so f*cked up. Like I said, I know why he did it and I can understand how hard it would be to find the right time to say, “Baby, I’m nothing like what I said I was, you still like me though, right?”
I can only imagine how stressful a full year of family interaction was – constantly wondering if she’d say something to out you, or your family would, or whatever.
Still can’t wrap my head around that one.” StumpedByPlant
58. He Lied About Being A Girl As A Social Experiment
Pixabay
“I pretended to be a girl in an online MMO for a good amount of time and made many friends. It all started out as an experiment. I had heard girls get treated differently overall in games so I wanted to test the theory. I always roll female toons anyway. So when guys inevitably asked if I was a girl or a guy, I would just say I’m a girl.
Oddly enough girls would rarely ask my real-life gender.
This lasted a while, like I said and guys would try to flirt with me which I found amusing (I’m not gay, just not insecure), I would just play the hard to get girl who was not really interested in that way. Guys would send me free **** all the time and give me gold. I hung out with the all-girls guild, etc.
Of course, people would want me to get on voice chat and prove I was female.
I made up an elaborate lie that I was a mute due to some throat cancer. Obviously, some people saw right through this but most people took it at face value and the lie continued unabated. Even posted a picture of a random girl and claimed it was me.
Eventually, I came clean in the forums and you would have thought it was the apocalypse. Suddenly, I was the MVP troll of the server. Even though I wasn’t doing it to troll.
It just happened. Coming clean was hard to do and I did feel bad about it but whatever. It’s a game. Not like I ever planned to meet any of these players in real life. and it isn’t like I flirted with other players (happily married+not gay). I saw it more or less as a form of roleplay.
I continued to play the game for a few more years before I moved on but it was an interesting experience.
I learned that many players take gender in gaming very seriously and freak the **** out about it. Even when you just play a toon of the opposite gender they get offended. I don’t understand those types. It is a game people. If you play MMOs because you are looking for love, you’re doing it wrong.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“We had this happen in our guild. The person who did this was also “mute” so that they wouldn’t have to talk in Vent.
Our guild was full of people who are extremely friendly and every year if you can afford it, there is a guild vacation together. Our friend said “she” was going to go but backed out at the last minute from what “she” said was “embarrassment over being mute and unable to talk to everyone.”
Not only did this person say that they were a girl, they said that they were two girls, sisters (or a brother and sister; I can’t access the forum where the breakdown is now and it was about five years back).
Who were both mute. They couldn’t play at the same time because there was “only one computer in the house.”
Our group is very close, moreso than most guilds I have come across. We’re all Facebook friends, etc.
We found out about everything when they disappeared for a week. I can’t remember what was the exact way it was discovered, but this person had been arrested for having CP.
They tried to play it off, but something set off the wife of our GuildLeader and she started Googling.
She found the arrest record tied to “her” address and put everything together. “She” was confronted and tried to lie to cover it, but the truth was out there for anyone to see. This man lived alone, impersonated two full personalities, and always made excuses at the last minute for not being able to talk to anyone (even for TTY phone calls). One of the personalities was very close to the wife of the GuildLeader, and they referred to each other as sisters.
It was a very catastrophic event in our guild and caused many people to lose faith in their other friends in the guild. Now we are extremely spread out across MMO’s and pretty much don’t play together anymore. The group vacations stopped about 3 years after the incident.” Raveynfyre
57. His Friends Think He’s A Lawyer
Pixabay
Well, close enough…
“I graduated from a decent, second-tier law school at the height of the financial crisis, passed the bar and could not, for the life of me, get a job.
I had a couple of document review jobs that didn’t last long and then was unemployed for about 22 months – almost two years – despite applying for everything under the sun – retail, dog walking, etc., etc. I finally, when I was weeks from losing my unemployment benefits, got a temp job as a legal secretary (which I did before going to law school).
It felt like a miracle. I hadn’t paid rent in months, the electricity was only still on due to a mistake by the electric company, my parents are long dead, and I have no support system in terms of relatives or friends who I could ask for money (in fact, at the time, it seemed like every other person I knew was losing his/her job).
I was so grateful to get that job (the exact kind of job that I had zero problem getting several years earlier); it saved my life (I was seriously close to ending up on the street – I had completely run out of options and was living in sheer terror).
So after a year of temping and feeling like the most grateful human on earth, they offered me a permanent position at a salary that seemed astronomically high compared to the $400/week that I made on unemployment (and I live by myself in one of the absolute highest cost of living cities in the country – maybe second or third highest).
Now it’s five years later and I’m still working there, as a legal secretary.
The lie is that half my friends think I’m a lawyer, which I don’t feel like I actually lied to them about, but I told them I got a job, and they said where, and I said, “at a law firm,” which was true, and they understandably assumed that I meant as a lawyer and when they didn’t actually ask me what kind of work I was doing at the law firm (because why would they? I went to law school, got admitted to the bar, and worked in a law firm – what else would I be doing there?), and I just didn’t have it in me to correct them.
My entire life is divided between people who know me as a legal secretary and people who think I am a lawyer (technically, I guess I am a lawyer – I’ve maintained my bar registration and kept my CLEs current for some stupid reason). There are a couple of people (as in, 2 or 3) who know the truth – that I graduated from law school, passed the bar, and am working as a legal secretary.
Not only do I not want the people who think I’m a lawyer to find out I’m a secretary, but I also don’t want the people who think I’m a secretary to find out I’m a lawyer. It’s just embarrassing that I spent all that money and time and hard work on law school to do a job that a high school graduate could do (I’m not saying it’s an easy job or that you don’t need to be smart to do it but a smart, but a competent high school graduate could do it).
Also, there’s an us vs. them thing (socioeconomic) between the secretaries/admins vs. the lawyers and I feel like if they found out that I’m really one of “them,” I would come across as uppity, or at least, you know, not cool. Especially now that I’ve hidden it for 5+ years.
On top of that, I have law school loans to repay on a secretary’s salary. My own brother who I love like crazy thinks I’m a lawyer and I know he’s so proud of me and thinks it’s so great that his sister is a fancy lawyer (we are of humble background).
I have some friends who suspect that I’m not REALLY a lawyer and they ask me questions like, “So what is your exact title?” I say things like, “Well, I’m PRACTICALLY a secretary,” or “I might as well be a secretary,” when in fact, I am a secretary.
I didn’t lie on my resume and the HR department knows I’m a lawyer, and of course, like all HR departments, they told a bunch of people who had no need to know so several people at work – mostly lawyers but also some of the paralegals – know that I’m a lawyer and they ask me about it and I just cringe from embarrassment, like I’m someone who couldn’t handle working as a lawyer and went back to being a secretary, or like maybe I did something very bad and got disbarred, or was just too stupid to get a real job (which is apparently true), but I wish they didn’t know.
And they say things to me like, “Oh, you’re so much better off. Being a lawyer sucks,” but they have no idea how much it’s killing me to know that all the hard work I did in law school, studying for the bar, striving to improve my life, etc. all came to a disastrous end, and how much debt I have that I will never be able to repay, and how much it’s killing me to have this double life, where I always have to try to remember who knows what and make sure those people who think I’m a lawyer and those people who think I’m a secretary never meet, and dreading what happens when one of my law school classmates turns up as co-counsel on one of my boss’s cases, etc.” bbbuuurrrnn
56. His Fake College Degree Did Him Wonders
Pixabay
Makes you realize how valuable college degrees really are…
“2008, I was working in a warehouse picking and packing orders as a college dropout.
The economy went t*ts up and ended up getting laid off. I ended up working as a contractor for a large telecommunications company that was in the middle of some project as a surveyor.
Over here, a bunch of people in the permitting department had a problem that I saw to be a pretty common-sense solution, so I just spitball it their way and they all got impressed and told my boss. My boss comes to me with another issue and asks for my help in solving it.
I just Google it and copy the answer in an email and change some wording.
My boss is impressed and interviews me for an FTE position. He asks if I went to school, and I say yes, saying I finished 4 years. Hired on the spot as a Civil Engineer making more money than my 22-year-old self knew what to do with.
Keep getting asked questions about things I never heard of and just Google answers too and reword them so it sounds like me saying it.
Slowly, more and more responsibility gets added to me and I’m expected to know how some tools work. I go on YouTube and learn how bore rigs work and some of the process.
I get asked to draw maps and plans and do things with words I didn’t understand. I befriend some actual engineers on a forum site and ask them. They give me detailed instructions on what the symbols mean and one does 1 example map for me.
My boss is more impressed and gives me a raise.
Construction crew hit a water line on a route I drew out. Boss tells me there’s a meeting the next day with the construction managers about what happened. I start worrying and ask forum engineer guys. They same blame the utility locator and inspector. I do that and get off scot-free.
I celebrate my 8th year working as a Civil Engineer with this company in September. I’ve been promoted and put in charge of people.
To this day, I still have no college degree, I’ve managed to avoid detection, make a reputable name for myself, and everything I learned has been from Google and Internet forums. This saga is still ongoing as well.” VariousDingDongNames
Another User Comments:
“Textbook definition of fake it until you make it. Honestly, 8 years of not being fired mean you must be doing a pretty good job.” Paperfeed
55. He Lied To His Wife About Having Another Kid
Pixabay
“My wife thinks I have another kid.
I don’t.
Short version of the story. When I was 16, my partner got pregnant. It was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me, and it didn’t end well. I was eventually told that she’d been cheating on me and ANOTHER guy was probably the dad, which was confirmed shortly after birth. I haven’t spoken with the mother since I was 17 (I’m now 39).
A number of years later, a cute girl and I were half-stoned, half-drunk, and trading stories about how sh*tty our life was when I started talking about my ex, who had been screwing around on me and who became pregnant.
Wanting to embellish the story up a bit, I made up a lie about how the paternity test confirmed that it was mine, how she ran off back east to live with the baby when it was born (not a total lie; she really did move back east shortly after the birth), and how I have no idea where my daughter is or how she is doing. The story garnered me all sorts of sympathy and got me laid, which was the goal.
Fast forward three more years, and I married that half-drunk, half-stoned girl. Been married to her for 13 years now, and we have two kids together. She still thinks that I have a third kid out there somewhere and that someday some young woman is going to come knocking at our front door looking for her long lost dad. And it gets even worse. My wife, thinking that she wanted to be honest with our children, told them one day that they have an “older sister who they might get to meet someday.”
My young son mentioned this to MY mother, who predictably went apesh*t bananas.
My parents, of course, knew about the pregnancy, had just retained a lawyer when the baby was born and they knew about the paternity test…but they’d never actually SEEN the results. I’d received the confirmation myself and they never questioned it when I told them that the test showed that I wasn’t the father. Caught in a lie between my wife and my mother…I lied to my mother. I told her that the test was negative but that the test had been done on the OTHER guy and verified HE wasn’t the father.
I was. I told her that I’d lied to her because I was a scared kid and that when she vanished, I thought it would just “go away.”
My mother, of course, wanted to hire a private investigator to track my ex down (she still had many of the various legal papers from the pregnancy with plenty of identifying information for her), and it was everything I could do to talk her out of it. I ended up having to get very forceful about it, telling her that she had no right to impose those kinds of changes on my life.
It worked, and she backed off.
So, today my wife thinks I have a long lost kid, my mother thinks she has a lost grandchild, and half my family thinks I’m a terrible father for not tracking my child down, for lying to my parents, and for not “being a father” about it.
“This one is really weird, but I’m honestly not sure if it was a lie or not.
Hear me out.
Names changed.
I have a male cousin (I’m female) named Kyle, who is couple of years older than me. Their family lives about two hours away from my family. Kyle’s family was quite a bit wealthier than we ever were. We weren’t technically close, maybe seeing them 3-4 times a year, but when me and my siblings would go to their house for Thanksgiving every year, we were all thick as thieves.
All the kids usually piled up in Kyle’s bedroom to play video games, watch movies, and hang out for hours.
Kyle was funny, witty, and always picked on my brother, which I found hilarious at the time.
When we were really young, maybe 6-11 years old, Kyle would play really rough, like putting us in a play tent and climbing on top of it, so we couldn’t breathe or get out. Just enough to freak us out.
Long story short, Kyle was staying at our house back home for a weekend when we were young and we had made a blanket fort in my room and climbed inside.
I was maybe seven, or eight? Kyle couldn’t have been more than eleven or twelve years old.
Somehow, from what I can recall, Kyle pulled out his p*nis and asked me to touch it. I said no. He encouraged me and I laughed it off again and said no. I was young enough that I had no idea what ****** contact was or what it would have meant, but I knew I didn’t want to.
Months or possibly years later, I can’t recall, I was sitting with my mother before bed, and my mother would ask me every night if there was anything I wanted to tell her; she wouldn’t get angry or punish me, just encouraged me to be honest.
I told her about the incident in the blanket fort. She turned purple.
She ended up calling Kyle’s parents and telling them everything; I was no longer allowed to be alone with Kyle or in his room with the door closed. This rule lasted for years. I have no idea if Kyle was ever reprimanded or talked to about it. We certainly never talked to each other about it. He didn’t seem to know, or if he did, he didn’t let on.
Here’s the thing; I’m almost 90% sure that happened. There’s an anxious 10% of me that can’t remember if I made it up to have a story to tell my mom, if I misunderstood the situation or misremembered it. I also have a history of vivid and disturbing dreams, and part of me wondered if it was a dream.
We’re in our late 20s now. Kyle became a big-time pot dealer, developed a major pill problem, which he seems to have under control the past few years.
This guy is permanently fried. He’s certainly much slower and just seems…medicated? Like he’s been lobotomized. The way he talks now seems like a cross between Mister Rodgers and Forrest Gump. Certainly not as witty and daring as he was when we were teenagers.
It’s a really weird, embarrassing black hole that I try to forget about.” rhifooshwah
53. He Lied About An Allergy To Avoid Nasal Sprays
Pixabay
“I hate nasal flu sprays and prefer a shot instead. While in the US Army, a medic told me to just claim allergies to chicken eggs so I could get the shot instead.
Worked perfectly for 5 years. Then I joined the National Guard. Flu season rolls around and we all line up for nasal sprays. I pull the old, “Sorry, egg allergy; I need the shot.” No biggie, right?
Turns out, my guard unit wasn’t provided with shots. So it’s nasal spray or nothing. It turns out that since a flu vaccine is mandatory, if you do not get one, you need a full-fledged National Guard Doctor to document your exemption.
So, next thing I know, I’m sitting before a full bird Colonel who is inquiring about my condition. Now, on the one hand, I could’ve just said, “look, I lied, I just wanted a shot”… But that would mean admitting I intentionally lied to an army medic which I’m certain is punishable under the UCMJ. So, I just doubled and tripped down on the lie.
It was very awkward.
Colonel: “So, you’re allergic to eggs?”
Me: “Yep.”
C: “When did you find out?”
M: “When I was a kid”
C: “How did you find out?”
M: “I had a reaction once”
C: “What was the reaction?”
M: “Oh, you know, the usual stuff..”
C: “Like what kind of stuff? ”
M: “Oh, well, you know, like the normal reaction to allergies stuff.
The usual.”
C: “So, you don’t remember any symptoms?”
M: “Well, not really… I was a kid”
C: “How old were you?”
M: “Oh, I don’t really remember that either…”
It went on like this for a while with me now blatantly lying to an O-6 all because I had a slight preference for a shot over spray. But once I got going, it was too late to come clean. To admit to the lie would have possibly had severe consequences… But as long as I kept going the onus was on them to prove the lie.
In the end, a very confused and very suspicious Colonel wrote me an exemption for my alleged egg allergy. I’m 99% sure she knew I was lying, but for the life of her couldn’t figure out why.” blitzkreig9
52. His Wife’s Non-Existent Baby Got Him More Time Off Work
Pixabay
“My coworker made up his wife having a baby.
We assume he told the initial lie because he asked his boss for an assistant under the guise that his wife would be having their first baby (she’s 42, mind you) and that he would need to spend more time at home.
His boss told him they’d be supportive but no assistant.
Somehow, it got out and everyone in the company was congratulating him. When a few of my coworkers asked him if it was a boy or a girl; he said it was a girl. I asked how far along she was (at the time, my sister was pregnant, so I was up to speed on the stages of pregnancy), and he told us 12 weeks. Okay, makes no sense, you don’t know the *** yet! Well, he said he misspoke – they THOUGHT it was a girl.
Okay, fine.
Months pass, and he’s still somehow playing this up. I assumed he would kill off the baby somehow by saying his wife miscarried or something, but he wasn’t.
Some of the ladies in the office decided to throw him and his wife a baby shower. They told him the date weeks in advance, but still on that date, she couldn’t show up. Instead, they had him sit in the chair and act like the mother to be while he was gifted all this baby ***.
Someone even made one of the huge diaper towers….unreal.
Somehow another coworker was able to gain access to his internet history and noticed that in the morning he had been googling names of baby doctors, pregnant week by week, all sorts of **** you’d expect if someone were trying to quickly learn what the **** was going on during pregnancy. By now, essentially everyone knows he’s lying but nobody has the heart to ask him why.
So now we are at 9 months from when he told us (so yeah….she would be close to 11 months pregnant??) and she gives birth! He takes off work, comes back two days later with a baby photo that could be a Stock internet picture and a new car.
It’s been three years, and he still acts like he has a daughter. I still have no idea why he made this story up, but man, he needs to either look for a new job soon or pretend like his daughter is starting school soon.” littlevai
51. He Had To Move To Italy Over This Lie
Pixabay
“Alright, so, uh… this is a story about how a tiny lie caused me to lose all of my friends and take a semester off to study abroad in Italy.
I was 19 at the time, and Avatar by James Cameron had just hit the movie theaters. My friends went to see it one weekend, and I decided not to go because it was a friend’s birthday and she wanted me to hang out with her. Just to make the rest of the story clear- I was friend-zoned as ****, but I didn’t realize it at the time. Thankfully my friends loved the movie so much that they wanted to go again next weekend!
Next weekend rolls around, we go see the movie, 3D **** happens… all is good.
As we are walking out of the movie theater a friend says, “You better have been having s*x last weekend because that is the only acceptable reason to miss this movie.” To which I obviously respond, “You caught me, I was having s*x.” This wasn’t true, but instead of laughing it off as a joke, I decided to keep the lie going.
My friends were obviously interested in who this girl is that I am sleeping with, so it made sense to me just to use the name, description, etc.. of the girl that I had actually spent time with.
Of course, there was no way this could backfire because my friends didn’t know this girl.
A month or so passes, I’m still friend-zoned, my friends think I’m a **** God at this point. I was hanging out with my friends, and they were saying that we should go meet some girls, so for some reason, I decided to invite this girl and her best friend to come hang out with us and they actually said yes.
One of my friends “Chris” ended up becoming close to this girl’s best friend and unbeknownst to me, they had started going out. One thing led to another, he suggested they all go out, and the whole lie started to unravel. The girl that I was “sleeping with” posted a huge “**** you” novel on Facebook, and all my friends saw, all my lies were exposed.
70% of the friends that I had at the time suddenly decided that they didn’t want to hang out with me.
Ironically, Chris decided that he was going to give me one more chance. As I said before, I had no clue Chris and this girl’s best friend started going out.. so one day her best friend was messaging me and hitting on me which I viewed as a chance at redemption. As it turns out, she was trying to trick me into getting into the car with her so that my friend Chris can jump out of the trunk and scare the **** out of me.
When this all came to fruition, Chris lectured me about how I’m not a good friend and that I should respect his relationship. I insisted that I did not know they were in a relationship, but he said that he “knew I was lying.”
This is already super long, so I’m going to condense it, but basically, there was another huge incident that happened where I was telling the truth but Chris insisted that I wasn’t. He blew up at me, and I lost 98% of my friends in total at that point.
As I was depressed through all of this I was walking through my community college and saw an ad for a study abroad trip in Italy. I had a bunch of money saved up from work and decided that I needed to make a huge change in my life and start over.
So I went to Italy. Met a girl. Made a ton of new friends. Girl cheated on me but still have tons of good friends.
Life is interesting. Italy changed my life. Lying sucks.” ozzy102390
50. They Had To Do What They Had To Do To Save Their Ph.D. Experiment
Pixabay
“Background: My colleague and I are both doing our PhDs on slugs. We need 90-160 of a certain slug species per experiment. Normally, there are three or four people collecting this number of slugs over two evenings.
Anyway, we had to do an experiment. Say we were supposed to start it on Monday. Monday morning, the supervisor asks, “Have you started it?” We both say yes, that we have.
The lie was not needed.
A few hours later, we’re about to start it. ALL THE SLUGS WERE DEAD.
Result? We (and anyone else that could be cajoled in) spent a miserable night with the headlamps on in the raining collecting an unreasonable number of slugs.” allhailsmoothie
49. He Landed A Part In The Play That He Literally Couldn’t Play
Pixabay
“When I was in sixth grade, my class was reading a book that featured a talent show. Can’t remember what the book was.
Anyway, after we finished reading the book, my teacher, Mr. R, announced we were going to have our own mini talent show the following week. He walked around with a clipboard to jot down what everyone would be doing; meanwhile, I was sweating bullets.
My classmates were excitedly discussing what they’d do, some were grouping up to form dance groups or whatnot. Being super shy, I sat at my desk, alone. As he got closer to me, I began to panic.
Then I remembered my dad had bought an old guitar a few weeks prior. He’d been wanting to learn how to play for a long time, so he bought it on a whim at the swap meet. In my sheer panic, my stupid brain latched onto the idea of playing the guitar. When Mr. R got to me, I blurted out that I would play the guitar.
One problem. I don’t know how to play the guitar.
****, I sucked at playing the recorder.
Mr. R seemed surprised and excitedly told me he couldn’t wait to see me play. Apparently, he played the guitar too. ***.
Well, being eleven and stupid, I stuck with the whole guitar thing. I was too embarrassed to change my talent, and at this point, the whole class had heard and were excited to see me play.
The week leading up to the talent show, I half-heartedly practiced the guitar, but I am not a musically inclined person.
I figured I’d play the sick card the day off and just not go to class. Well, the day arrives, and my mom doesn’t buy my “I’m sick” story. Resigned to my fate, I grab the guitar, climb into the car, and go to school. The talent show wasn’t until after lunch so around 12:30. I spent the entire morning with a knot in my stomach.
When it started, we drew numbers from a hat to see who would go first.
I got number 2. Great.
Well, when’s it’s my turn, I grab the guitar and get ready to embarrass myself in front of my classmates. Out of nowhere, Mr. R asked if the guitar was tuned. I answered honestly and told him I didn’t know. I handed him the guitar and he starts tuning it.
Then, I *** you not, as he’s tuning it, one of the chords snaps.
He began to apologize for breaking my guitar and promised to get it fixed; however, I wouldn’t be able to play for the talent show.
I started crying. I was saved.
Unfortunately for me (not really, he’s an awesome guy), my sisters had the same teacher for sixth grade and my parents developed a friendship with Mr. R. Every year while I was in grade school, then middle school, he would ask me if I wanted to come to the talent show and play. I always came up with an excuse not to.
Shockingly, the subject of my guitar playing has only come up once when my parents were around.
I faked choking on my food and quickly walked away. I still see him around and he always asks me if I still play the guitar. I think he’s looking for someone to play with. I’m too embarrassed to tell him I never played the guitar.” SarienD
48. Counseling Wasn’t For Them, So They Claimed They Were “Cured”
Pixabay
“The weirdest one I have, I’ve actually been trying to “untell” for…well, about 3 decades now.
I’m a lesbian and have known that I was gay since before I knew the word ‘lesbian’ or ‘gay.’ My first distinct memory of thinking I was a ‘****’ (that was the word I knew at the time) was in grade 4.
I grew up quite religious, and in grade 5, a group of kids at my church were getting baptized, and I didn’t sign up, which concerned my mom. I hadn’t signed up because I somehow had internalized that my church was not going to be cool with me being gay (they wouldn’t have been, but I honestly don’t know how I knew that; I have zero recollection of the pastor or anyone at church even talking about ****sexuality or anything… good or bad), and I kind of was afraid that if I got baptized while being a ‘****,’ something bad would happen to me.
My mom kept pressuring me to sign up but was scared, and so eventually I told her — I remember writing it down on a piece of paper: “I can’t get baptized because I’m a ****sexual.”
My mom was less than pleased with this revelation, to say the least… I ended up in ‘prayer counseling’ and whatnot… And well, I kept getting asked the same question — by both my mom and the people she sent me to counseling for — “When did you choose to be a ****sexual?”
The question didn’t make any sense, but I was 10 and people kept asking it, and so I came up with an answer.
I said something about being in my music teacher’s class and thinking that it would be easier to like girls than boys or something stupid. It was literally just a “come up with an answer so the grownups will stop asking me the same question” answer… but it has followed me now for 30 years.
During this whole season of my life, I actually pretended to be ‘cured’ because the ‘prayer counseling’ was creepy (I understand why now, but at the time, it was just gross… the reason it was so creepy was this assumption that homo******ity had to be about s*x, so I had to be either having s*x or having explicit ****** fantasies, instead of just having regular crushes like anyone else my age.
So a lot of what was said to and about me during this whole thing just grossed me out), but when I eventually did end up coming out, this whole ‘lonelady75 chose to be gay’ thing just wouldn’t go away.” lonelady75
47. She Was “Married” To A Guy She Recently Met, All Thanks To A Typo
Pixabay
“(21F) at the time. Didn’t tell it, but I instigated it.
I call my partner “hubby” as an affectionate nickname. Well, I posted a pic on Instagram where I called him “hubby,” but I didn’t notice it autocorrected to “husband” before posting.
When everyone flooded wondering when I had gotten married (only together a few months at the time, and I was still young so it was controversial) I changed it back to “hubby” and just liked everyone’s comments with the thought process that none of them really didn’t need to know my business if they weren’t even close enough to know I wasn’t married.
When my real friends caught wind of this, they all commented things like, “The wedding was beautiful, thank you for letting me be a bridesmaid,” etc.
Eventually, even his friends jumped in commenting about our fake wedding.
That night, a friend was sleeping over when she got a call from another friend known to just want to be in the drama and spreads it. He and I are not close by any stretch, so it was even rude that he called. Anyhow, he asked her if it was true that I had actually gotten married, whether or not I was pregnant, and it was a shotgun, the whole nine.
My friend being the great person she is said, “Yes! It was great; they’re a perfect pair, and no, she isn’t pregnant!” We thought it didn’t matter. We hadn’t seen him since graduating high-school 4 years earlier.
Cue me seeing him at his job, where he commented about my supposed husband to his coworker. I was so embarrassed, and also didn’t want my friend looking like a liar, so I didn’t correct him. He then asked the story of how I got married.
I fabricated a whole thing. While talking, my “husband” walked up. Mind you, he doesn’t know about any of it. So I pressure him to leave with me and tell him the whole story. He thought it was hilarious.
Because of my luck, I saw him 7 times in the next 6 months following. Every time we were at a party with him, I was petrified he would mention my “husband” or ask our wedding story which I faked months before.
I had to tell a mutual friend about the lie and have her convince him our marriage was a secret, so he wouldn’t say anything in front of people.
Anyways, it’s been a long time since then, we still aren’t married, and whenever I run into him, he asks me about my “husband.”
46. He Didn’t Correct A Misunderstanding, Now He Has To Pretend To Be Someone He’s Not
Pixabay
“I worked in a shop in my hometown and a semi-regular customer came in and mid-conversation called me “Aiden,” which is definitely not my name but sounds somewhat similar to mine.
I figured he was just trying to be friendly and got my name a little wrong. Being very British, I chose not to correct him and silently commended his efforts to be nice.
A few weeks later, he was in the shop again and asked me about a guy he knew, that by chance, I also knew (we live in a small city, so lots of people have lots of mutual friends and go to some of the same parties and pubs and such).
We talked a little about a house party that he and I were both at, despite not knowing each other – but what I didn’t immediately realize was that he didn’t get my name wrong before; he actually thought I was someone else, and the conversation with him I’d just had only served to confirm in his mind that I was, in fact, Aiden.
Before we parted ways, he asked me if I’d seen (insert name of someone I don’t know) in a while.
This was my opportunity to correct him and fix the whole mess, but I couldn’t think of what to say, and before I could, my boss called me away – so my parting comment was merely, “No, not for ages man. I’ll let them know I saw you if I do, though! Anyway, gotta go!” And that was it, the opportunity was missed and I had panic-created a fake friendship with someone I’ve never met, and officially became Aiden in this dude’s eyes.
Since then, I have seen him at least once a month, sometimes once a week, be it in the street or in my new workplace. He still calls me Aiden. I never correct him, but I do now actively try and avoid him.
James (I think that’s your name?), if you’re reading this, I’m… sorry?!
This has been going on for more than six years now.
Help me.
Side Note: I think he may now know I’m not Aiden because he seems to make a priority of naming me out loud, and it really feels like he’s testing me to see if I’ll break, but I’m too stubborn (and embarrassed), so I just go along with it.” *****************
45. His Anti-Cookie Poem Got Taken A Little Too Seriously
Pixabay
“In 2nd grade, we were supposed to write a poem about cookies.
Most kids wrote something like this,
I love cookies, They are great, After I eat them, I just ate.
Or something else ridiculous. I wanted to be different, so I wrote a poem about how much I hated cookies. Something like the following:
Cookies are yucky, I don’t like them, I’d be lucky, To not eat them again.
Or something else ridiculous. But then people asked me, “Do you really not like cookies?” Of course, I liked cookies, but I felt trapped in the lie now.
I insisted I really didn’t like them. I doubled down.
Later that year, a PTA gathering was at my parents’ house and there were cookies in the kitchen. Since the principal, teachers, and parents of my peers were at the gathering, I had to sneakily get the cookies. I actually went out of my way to get them without anyone noticing.
For years, I maintained this. My friends believed I hated cookies, so I had to lie to them too.
I’m in my 30’s now, and I finally came clean. Nobody remembers, but I do. And the weight is lifted. I’m glad I finally told the truth.” HomelabCity
44. He Covered His Parking Mistake With A Story Of Him Hitting A Raccoon
Pixabay
“Back in my junior year of high school, I was pulling into the parking lot after coming back from my getting food for my lunch break and was trying to find a spot to park. But sadly, the only open spot was next to this big muddy truck which was parked a bit into the spot I was trying to park into.
And young stupid me had the one thought that evil kenivel and drunks get, “Yea, I can make it.”
So I proceed to try and whip my nice new ’97 mustang which I just freshly polished and wax into this small parking spot, only to smash my right headlight into the left rear of this guy’s truck. I throw it in reverse, back up, and get out to look at the damage to see that my headlights barely hanging on by the will of God and my bumpers dented while this guy’s bumper is just destroyed on the left side.
So my thought is, “Great, that’s a lot of damage. What am I going to do?”
Well, I had some sharpies, clay bars, masking tape, and one of those automotive paint corrector pens that matched my car. So I’m out here spending 30-45 minutes washing the mud off the front of my car with a water bottle and a rag and proceeding to tape my headlight in place, correct the paint scratches on my car, and pop the dent out.
While clay baring my paint off his bumper and using a sharpie to touch up and paint that’s left and going inside to spend the rest of my lunch. And I don’t know how I got away with it, but I told everyone I hit a raccoon and they all believed me. So I finish out the rest of school and head out to my car to find not just the guy whose truck I’ve just hit but 4 other big country dudes crowded around our two cars point to his bumper and my headlight.
And as anyone would, they started connecting the dots and asking me what happened. To which I told them the same lie I told everyone else, “I hit a raccoon.” And I *** you not, they all bought it, and I got in my car and left. Haven’t told a soul since and I will stick by that story till I’m on my deathbed.
So long story short, I got away with a hit and run by blaming it on a raccoon.” mochanator
43. Cheating On The Test? Miss, That’s Ridiculous
Pixabay
“In 6th grade, I was working on a test when a piece of paper slipped out of my cluttered desk (a common occurrence.) I pushed the paper back in and continued working but only for a moment – the next thing I knew, my teacher was there snatching my test out of my hands and then digging through my desk until she triumphantly held up an unknown piece of paper… The very same that had slipped from my desk.
Not another word was said.
When school was over, my teacher kept me behind in the classroom and confronted me. The paper that had fallen out of my desk was a study guide from earlier in the week – it had some of the answers to the test on it, and therefore, she came to the conclusion that I was cheating. I was an extremely sensitive and shy kid who was normally incapable of standing up for myself, but knowing that I already had *** grades that term, I wasn’t going to take this lying down.
So I squared up, looked her in the eye, and calmly said, “Miss, that’s ridiculous.”
Her face went red. She informed me she had already called my parents and I would be getting a zero. She had proof. She had the study guide. I shook my head, started to tear up, and explained, “I didn’t even know what it was; it just fell out of my desk and I was pushing it back in.” She looked like she wanted to slap me.
I stared back, terrified but determined to prove my innocence. After an intense staring contest, she let me leave, saying that my parents were going to be angry.
Spoiler: they were. My mom tried to ground me. I immediately started crying. I explained that I tried to tell her what happened; she just wouldn’t listen. This particular teacher had never liked me. My parents were not the type to think I was a little angel; they were fully aware I was a sh*thead who got straight C’s and never did my homework.
But at that moment, they saw my genuine, pathetic desperation. My mom called my teacher back and had a strongly worded conversation. Teacher didn’t care.
The next day, I got a 0 grade with a slip that had to be signed. My mom was furious and refused to sign it. Sent an angry email demanding my teacher let me retake the test. No luck. This went on for two weeks. My report card was finalized (I got a C- in that subject) and then there was nothing my mom could do, but she hated that teacher for the rest of the year.
You might think it stopped there, but it didn’t. So furious over my grade, I told everyone in school that the teacher was an unfair devil who accused me of cheating and f*cked up my grades. It became the story I told everyone. My dad would tell stories from his school days, and I would counter with, “Remember that time my vindictive evil teacher told everyone I cheated?”
Years later, my friends and I would reminisce about our own elementary school days, and sure enough, she would come up.
That time I was wrongly accused of cheating. The trial of the century. The guilty verdict that incarcerated an innocent child.
I’m 22 now, and this is the first time I’ve admitted to anyone that I was really cheating.” ae____
42. They Thought They Saved His Life
Pixabay
“When I was in a frat a few years back, I tried hard ***** for the first time. It honestly didn’t do anything, but I was extremely drunk, and at the time, I often acted erratically for attention.
Instead of just playing off that the ***** didn’t work, I kept twitching around when talking, as if I were actually on that specific drug and how I imagined being “strung out” looked like. As a result, my roommates freaked out and thought I was overdosing.
They had our fraternity president come downstairs to see if I needed any intervention. I remember playing it off and twitching forcefully but spouting stuff such as, “I feel like superman” which was nonsense.
It was hilarious to blacked-out me, but the next day, my roommates thought they saved my life and that I almost died before their very eyes. One of them was my best friend and he almost started crying about how scary it was. I just went forward with it and played it off as though I almost overdosed on the white stuff and I lived to tell the tale.
My two roommates still are convinced I was a lost cause, and I never had the heart to tell them I was really just being a belligerent drunk idiot.
This “story” has kinda followed me ever since.
I quit drinking for a while after that. Tried the party drug a few more times, though; still didn’t get the appeal.” Kooky_Cartoonist
Another User Comments:
“For a while, I thought you were talking about the drink.” banishedlight
41. His Fake Street Address Almost Cost Him His Car
Pixabay
Technically, it wasn’t his fault… at first.
“So … I live alone. I’m divorced. Because my ex-wife has been known to take mail out of my mailbox, I got myself a PO Box at the post office.
Now, ten years later, all my mail still goes to the PO Box.
(An added benefit is that every time I move, I just happen to move no more than 15 minutes from that post office, meaning I never have to change mailing addresses.)
The DMV here is just a bunch of idiots. Ten years ago, I go to get my new driver’s license, they ask my address, and I give them the PO Box address. No, they say, we need your street address.
“But I don’t want any mail coming to my home; I want it all to go to the PO Box.” What I end up with is a driver’s license that looks like this:
Whomp1970
123 Main Street
PO Box 456
Anytown, NY 55555
Any normal human looking at that would be confused, but three officials at the DMV assure me that that’s how it should be printed: Name, Street Address, PO Box, City/State/Zip.
But in my case … the street address is NOT in the same zip code as the PO Box! So the zip code is correct for the PO Box, but there is no such address (123 Main) at that zip code!
Every time I’ve had to get something done at the DMV, they assure me, it’s okay.
And lo and behold, the stuff they mail me DOES come to my PO Box. So that’s good.
But the insanity of the fact that they REQUIRE a street address, but it’s not checked for validity (since there is no 123 Main St. at zip 55555!) … that just infuriates me. I need this d*mn street address, but it’s not real.
So in silent protest … the last time I moved, I didn’t bother updating the DMV. The new street address would have been incorrect because of the zip code.
And the mail still comes to the PO Box … so why bother telling the DMV my new address?
And so for the last four years, my driver’s license, my car registrations, my car titles … all have the old street address.
Well …. last week, I went to buy a new car. And I had to finance it with car payments. I sign all kinds of paperwork at the dealership, “Yes, that is my correct address,” knowing that it’s dead wrong.
I take the car home.
Two days later, the dealership calls me. The bank has a problem with the loan. They want me to fax over a copy of a utility bill “to prove where you live.”
Oh ***, I thought. They’re on to me. Mind you, I wasn’t neglecting to update my address in order to commit fraud; it was only out of silent protest because of the ridiculousness. But the bank didn’t give a *** about that.
I knew that I f*cked up. There was no way out of this.
I quickly went on the DMV site and changed the address for my license, registrations, titles. Then I printed my cable bill, electric bill, and homeowner’s policy, all with the correct street address. And I went back to the dealership to talk to the finance people.
I explained that I “forgot” to change my address with the DMV, and I never got around to it.
“Why did you sign all that paperwork saying you live at the wrong address?” “Well, sir, when the sale was finalized, and I realized that I forgot to update my address, I didn’t want to have to go through it all over again, so I didn’t speak up. That was a mistake, and I’m very sorry.”
It took them three more days, but they finally called and said they had straightened everything out with the bank, and I could of course keep the car.
But those three days, I was in terror. I mean, I SIGNED paperwork saying, “I hereby declare under penalty blah blah blah.” I’m sure if they wanted to, the dealership could put me in deep trouble with some governmental agency. I wouldn’t have gone to jail, but lying is lying, fraud is fraud, and I’m sure I could have been in some deep *** with credit cards, my landlord, my credit report, who knows?” whomp1970
40. Being Jewish Was A Bigger Commitment Than She Anticipated
Pixabay
“Told my employer that I was Jewish.
Not Jewish. Had to research all the holidays, pick a temple to be a member of, etc.
Had to get a new job.” ohiomensch
39. He’s Only Allergic To Red Food Dye When It’s Convenient
Pixabay
“When I was 10, I learned I could make myself throw up, so I used this to get out of school for like two weeks. My parents couldn’t figure what was wrong with me because I didn’t have a fever or anything. My aunt had the idea that I was allergic to red food dye because her grandson (my second cousin) was.
I just kinda rolled with it, and so for years, my house never had red Gatorade, strawberry Pop Tarts, etc.” ABlokeLikeYou
38. His Lie Turned Into His Reality In A Way That Got Him Ahead In Life
Pixabay
“When I was 13, I was playing World of Warcraft and someone asked me my age. 13 was so young, so I lied and said I was 14, cause that meant I was so much more mature. Well, I kept playing WoW, with the same group of people, and 4 years later they thought I was 18.
Someone started asking me how my applications to college were going since I was that age. Being caught in the lie about my age, I played along and asked for advice. I played along with the advice which resulted in me actually putting in a college application to a university and I got in. As a high school junior.
So to keep up this lie about my age, I now had to finish high school quickly, so I could actually go to this university that accepted me.
Great part is that I was able to do this by overloading my spring semester of “senior” year high school with online classes (yay, Florida online high school). I managed to graduate high school a year early and went to university a year early to keep this lie going.
So here I am, at a university 1,000 miles from my home state, finished my BS, and am now doing a Master’s, all because 14 sounded way more mature than 13 on a video game.” tossoff72936492749
37. Her Son Played “God” Without Her Knowing And Her Prayers Were Answered
Pixabay
“This is a lie with a happy ending and I’ll take it to my grave.
Background – My mother is a very emotional person and there are 5 boys in my family. So she doesn’t get to have a lot of emotional moments that she gets to share with her kids. We mostly just make fun of her (in a playful way) and everyone moves on. She has cried at every big, medium, and small event in our lives, and I love that I have a woman in my life that cares so much about me and my siblings.
Background 2 – I was a jerk of a kid. But I am actively trying to make up for the patience my parents had for me.
Story – My parents are almost empty nesters and live in Colorado. Last year by complete mistake, all of her kids found jobs/school in Utah County, Utah. We all live about 20 minutes from each other, completely by fluke. My mother decided she wanted to take us on one last road trip, so we flew into Colorado, and she drove us back home.
It doesn’t sound like too much, but my family is poor and it was a very nice gesture. Plus, there are places on the way we always used to stop at, like the Little America Hotel in WY. And the Grand America brunch buffet. All of this is far too expensive for my parents, so on the way, I discreetly called and paid for everything or would sneak out during a meal to “go to the bathroom” and would slip a waiter a card.
At each stop, the staff would play along and mention how the room had to be changed, so they gave it to us for free or how a kind stranger paid for our meal. And I was never caught. My family’s appreciation for the amazing people of the midwest was too much for my mother and she broke down to me and told me how she had no idea how she was going to pay for our trip, but she did it anyway because she wanted to be with her boys one last time before we were all too busy or she too old.
She then told me how she prayed for help and God gave it to her.
I am not religious, but my mom is and there is no way I’m going to tell her the most spiritual experience she has had in a long time was her sneaky son. Love you, Mama.” dread_pirate_bobert
36. Her Fake Heart Condition Ironically Became A Real Heart Condition
Pixabay
“In an ironic twist of fate, I used to tell people that I had a heart condition, and that’s why I took pills daily (it’s actually Prozac).
Found out about a year and some change ago that I do, in fact, have a heart condition. I lied so hard that I retroactively gave myself a heart condition.” Paladin_Tyrael
35. Getting Attacked By A Bear Sounds Much Cooler Than An Infant Getting Surgery
Pixabay
“I have a horizontal scar on my stomach from a surgery I had when I was a baby.
For some reason, in elementary school, I would tell everyone that it was from when a bear attacked me.
I’m now almost 30 and people I went to elementary school with still recognize me in public as that guy that got attacked by a bear.” Valgardson
34. He Avoided His Coworkers Knowing His Secret, But Now They Think He’s Frail
Pixabay
“I dislocated my knee dancing like a maniac whilst drunk in January. Ended up on crutches for three weeks. Told everyone at work I did it bending down to grab something from the freezer because I didn’t want them to think I was a drunken maniac.
People at work are still shocked that I dislocated it so ‘easily’ and keep saying how unlucky I am and bringing the sympathy. Now I just feel like a fraud.” civicart
33. How This Avoids Being Judged From Running Away From Bees Is Clever
Pixabay
“That I am allergic to bees. I was so scared of them in grade school and junior high, that I convinced everybody that I am allergic so they don’t judge me when I run from bees.” Jziggy13
32. They Met Over The Phoen But Are Still Keeping Up The Lie About
Pixabay
“Met my wife on one of those telephone chat things in the ’90s.
Basically, before OKCupid, you would sign up for a voicemail and describe yourself. We connected and went out but were both embarrassed about using it.
Fast forward 18 years, we continue to tell everyone we met in the music section at Borders.” TDK716
31. His Fake Scottish Accent Catches Up With Him In The Worst Way
Pixabay
It was fun while it lasted.
A couple of years ago, I went to a bar in a town I didn’t expect to be in very often, and I decided to do a Scottish accent and make up a back story for a fictitious version of myself.
Now, I doubt my accent would have fooled someone actually from Edinburgh, but by the end of the night, I had a group of Americans and one bemused Australian chatting with me about the things that make the US a strange place to visit from abroad. Shots were bought, back slaps given, and a good night had; I thought nothing else of it.
…until I was seeing a girl from the next town over, and she took me to her favorite bar.
That bar. We walked in, someone greeted me by my “name,” and I did the only thing I could do — cheerfully donned my fraudulent accent, explained that my business trip had been indefinitely extended, and spent the next twenty minutes furtively explaining to my the person I was seeing that I wasn’t a con man, just an ex-actor with terrible impulse control.” deleted
30. His Partner Still Thinks He Can’t Wink
Pixabay
“While my significant other and I were still going out (maybe 2 weeks or so in), she winked at me when I walked into the pub she worked in.
Me being the goof that I am, winked back but messed it up on purpose and just sort of shut my eyes tight for a second, making her believe that I couldn’t wink. Now it’s over 6 years later and she still doesn’t think I’m capable of winking. One of my favorite things to do is just stand behind her and wink my butt off, purely for my own amusement.” Nephur
29. He Thought He Gave Himself A Degenerative Eye Problem All Because He Wanted Glasses
Pixabay
“When I was in about fifth grade, for some reason, I wanted to have glasses.
My parents both did and I thought it would make me special to have glasses too. So I lied to the eye doctor that I couldn’t see the letters and got a very light prescription.
When I started high school, my mom offered to get me contacts, and when I went in for the exam, my vision was much worse I was diagnosed with a degenerative eye problem. For years, I felt extremely guilty that I had caused this.
When I got up the courage to ask the doc, they assured me it was genetic, and at most, I just got glasses a few years before I actually needed them.” katiethered
28. She Doesn’t Have The Heart To Tell Her Mom She Doesn’t Actually Like Tuna Casserole
Pixabay
“When I was a little kid, I told my mom I really liked her tuna casserole. I was just trying to be nice and pay her a compliment since she seemed like she was having a bad day.
Pretty much every time I go to visit her, she has some tuna casserole waiting for me. I don’t actually like tuna casserole that much, but it’s such a sweet gesture that I don’t have the heart to tell her to stop. This has been going on for over thirty years now.” Dear_Occupant
27. He Said He Was Mugged By Someone That Looked Like A Muppet, And They Believed Him
Pixabay
“When I was younger, I walking home at night and the street lights were off.
I got scared and started running, knocked myself clean out on a lamppost. Someone walking their dog found me and called the ambulance. I was that embarrassed when I woke up I told the nurse I was mugged (I was 12). My parents turned up at the same time as the police. I gave a description that sounded a lot like Gonzo from the muppets and police were searching the area with sniffer dogs. Thank Christ nobody was arrested and I still haven’t told my parents.” TBritnell
26. If You Lie About Playing Piano, People Will Probably Want To Hear You Play
Pixabay
“I said could play the piano.
I never thought it would come up and that I was safe with my lie. It did come up, more often than I thought it would. I had to make up an excuse to not play, and people started to think I was lying about knowing how to play. Eventually, I took some lessons so that if it came up again, I could actually play something and not look like I’m completely full of it. It paid off, and after I moved from that area, I never told anyone I could play the piano again.” buckut
25. This Server Wore A Fake Arm Cast For A Full Month To Cover Up His Lie
Pixabay
“There is a guy who I used to work with at a corporate chain steakhouse while I was going to college that had a bit of a whopper.
We stayed up all night partying and he didn’t wake up in time for his opening shift the following day. When he finally got up he was 2 hours late and had a grip of missed calls. He was about a month away from graduating and had worked this same job all through college, so he was worried that he was going to get fired and wouldn’t be able to use the job reference, so his solution was to call in and tell the boss he had been in a car accident on his way to work.
Now, this temporarily solved the problem, but to really sell the story, he ended up hiding his truck in a friend’s garage and working his next 4 weeks of serving shifts with a fake full arm cast. Brandon, you’re a legend.” FreeRangeAlien
24. Her Lie About Being Able To See Auras Lost Her Dad A Lot Of Money At The Racetrack
Pixabay
“When I was 10 or 11, I was living with my dad for a little while and told him I could see auras.
Like, colored energy around people that corresponded to whether they were happy or healthy or unhealthy, etc. Around that time, he liked to take me to the racetrack to watch horse races (he liked to bet causally; I liked the horses; he was a little bit at a loss at to what to do with this young girl who had mostly grown up with her mom).
While we were there, I told him I could see the auras of the horses and picked one I thought would win because its aura was so strong.
(Actually, I just thought it was the prettiest.) Turns out, it was a total longshot and won the race. After that, he would take me to the racetrack every weekend to pick horses, and I had to continue to pretend to see their auras. He lost a lot of money that summer.” ************
23. This Guy Got VIP Access To A Concert And Continued Reaping The Benefits Long After
Pixabay
“I once got sort of unapproved access to a VIP area at a venue, and the person who got me in probably would have gotten in trouble if it was found out that they did (a fairly major musician was playing; this was the lounge area where their family and friends were watching the show, only about 20 people).
When people asked why I was there, I said I was related to the owner of the venue (figured this was boring enough but would stop the questions). Instead, this really nice group of people all started complimenting me on the venue and talking to me more about it and my family. They were really awesome people and we chatted the rest of the evening. They invited me to spend the upcoming holiday weekend at their beach house with the band.
I did.
No one ever found out I have no connection to the venue and don’t even know who actually owns it.” katemonster22
22. Accidentally Calling His Dog His Daughter Was Too Embarrassing To Confess To
Pixabay
“Last year on the first day of a month-long rotation in medical school, I was telling a story and accidentally referred to my dog as my daughter.
Quickly did the mental evaluation of how embarrassing it would be to correct myself versus rolling with it and just decided to go with it and pretended I had a kid for the rest of the month.
I didn’t like purposely bring it up or anything, but if someone mentioned it (it was October, was asked about taking my kid trick or treating, etc.) I would just vaguely agree and not elaborate on anything.” rays0fsunshine
21. This Woman’s Fake Tylenol Allergy Has Even Spread To Her Medical Records
Pixabay
The doctor even bought it.
“When I was going out with my husband, his mom wanted us to stay the night. I really, really didn’t want to. Told her I needed to go home due to not feeling well and thinking I had a fever.
She offered me Tylenol and I said I couldn’t have it because I was allergic- not sure why I said it.
Anyway, my husband overheard it and I later didn’t want to tell him I had lied to his mom. We’re married now. I recently had to go to the ER due to breaking a bone and was in so much pain I couldn’t talk. He told the nurse I was allergic to Tylenol. He then went to my surgery and doctor’s appointments with me after that and I had to continue to say I am allergic to Tylenol.
My “Tylenol allergy” is now all over my medical records.” *****************
Another User Comments:
“People outgrow allergies; I did with caffeine. One day, just tell him you took some by accident, but you didn’t have any bad effects. If you don’t keep any in the house, say someone at work gave you some, but you didn’t know it was Tylenol until it was too late.” pyroholicrage
20. His Dad Is Lying To The World Without Knowing It All Because Of His Preteen Son’s Ego
Pixabay
“Long ago, Discovery Channel had a special on prehistoric pigs.
It aired on April 1st, and being a 12-year-old who was “smart” and “knew how to think critically,” (i.e. didn’t think to look into the special and find out if it was the real deal as I thought I knew everything), I assumed it was a joke show put on by the channel.
A few months later, they re-aired the special. My dad happened to be watching it and, nerd that he is, called me in excitedly to show me this prehistoric pig programming.
I scoffed and said, “Dad, it’s fake. It was made for April Fool’s and now they’re showing it again.”
“OH,” he said and laughed and laughed.
Here’s the thing – I was wrong. The show was about a real animal that really existed. I discovered this a few years later on the internet.
But by now my dad had started using these fake giant pigs as a conversation starter! Not only that, but he’s flipped the story a bit – now he’s the one who saw the show on April 1! And, 23 years later, the man STILL BRINGS UP THIS FREAKING SHOW.
Because he thinks the idea of what he calls “dinosaur pigs” is HILARIOUS.
I thought of telling him, but it’s too deep now. I go to my grave with this one.” SappyGemstone
19. This Guitar Player’s Life With Music Started Just To Impress A Girl
Pixabay
“My brother was seeing a girl with a younger sister my age and they all came to watch me play baseball once. I was pretty smitten with the younger sister and so after the game, I started bragging about how I played guitar.
My brother laughed in my face and said I had got a guitar but it had been collecting dust for months and I’d never have the patience to learn an instrument anyway.
I was so embarrassed by being called out and doubted that I went home, told my mom I wanted to take lessons again, and here I am 20 years later still playing guitar every day.” lennon1230
18. She Made Up A Dairy Allergy And Now She Has To Avoid Dairy Around Some People
Pixabay
“A girl I lived with two years ago thought I was stealing her yogurt out of the fridge.
I told her it couldn’t have been me since I’m allergic to dairy, and now I still can’t eat dairy in front of her or anyone from that friend group. She made me a dairy-free cake for my birthday – the guilt is eating me alive.
Yeah, I ate the yogurt and it was delicious.” _deen_
17. This Guy Will Hate His Birthday Cake For His Whole Life If He Doesn’t Tell His Mom The Truth
Pixabay
“When I was a kid, for birthdays, my mom would always get us whatever cake we wanted (chocolate, vanilla, cookie, ice cream, etc.).
Well, one year (I was probably about 8 or 9), she got me an ice cream cake. I don’t like ice cream cake AT ALL… it’s not even cake! I like cake, I like ice cream, but not ice cream cake! Well, she was so happy that she “had gotten my favorite cake and flavor right” that I just went along with it.
Then next year, I got another ice cream cake but still didn’t say anything, not wanting to hurt her feelings again.
And again the year after that. This has been going on every year since and I’m now 30.
Only my wife knows that I don’t like ice cream cake, so each year, she secretly gets me a cookie cake for at home and we don’t tell my mom.” DrunkPixel
16. One Small Lie About Where He Went To College Changed The Course Of This Man’s Life Forever
Pixabay
“A friend of mine was in his second year of university and at a networking/business development event at the school.
This guy was never much of an academic but was someone you would call street smart and good with people.
My friend hits it off with the CEO of a pretty sizable company. At the end of their chat, the CEO says, “Stay in touch and let me know when you’re graduating.” My friend is pretty quick on his feet and said he was an alumnus there to help mentor students and catch up with other alumni.
CEO set up an interview in the marketing department (because he liked my friend’s ideas during their initial convo). Of course, since the department head was told by the CEO to interview the guy, it was just a formality.
The friend got the job and dropped out of school. He is now the marketing director of another major firm (this is 8 years later) and had never graduated from university, though he puts it on his resume, but by now, his work experience is so strong that no one even cares about the school.” fromdario
15. Her Name Isn’t Rachel, But She’ll Forever Be “Rachel” At Her Church
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“An older man at the church I go to misheard my name as Rachel.
When I tried to correct him he didn’t hear my actual name. He later had his wife approach me and ask my name I just said Rachel thinking it would be fine. They told the entire church my name was Rachel and it stuck. I’m 8 years into this Rachel lie in a church. Great.” dalcry
14. He Makes The Pizza Girl Put His Slices In A Box For Selfish Reasons
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“I asked the girl at the pizza slice place to put my pieces in a small box instead of the plates they serve them on because “I bring these to my workers in the field.”
Truth is, I drive back to my office to eat and don’t want the pizza sliding off the plate in my truck (I order 4 pieces), and my assistant would text my wife if she saw I had 4 pieces of pizza instead of the 2 I tell her about.
This was 2 years ago, and I still get the, “Oh, you’re such a good boss, bringing your guys pizza” from the very kind pizza girl on a weekly basis… God bless you pizza girl, but I’m just ashamed of myself.” Pestty13
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes, when I’m ordering a lot of food, I pretend to be trying to remember someone else’s order about halfway through. Lots of “um” and looking up.” IzzyBee89
13. Her Whole Office Thinks She’s A Health Freak When She’s Not
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“Started my job about a year ago and we get a 30-minute break which I wanted to split into 2 breaks of 15 minutes or 3 breaks of 10 minutes, so I can smoke.
My manager said this was fine, and later on, a co-worker asks me why I split my breaks as it’s not long enough to eat properly..
Me: OH, I DON’T EAT DURING THE DAY.
Co-worker thought this was an interesting fact, so they told everyone.
Same coworker asked me if I wanted a cup of tea and I said yes but asked for honey instead of sugar as it’s healthier for you and I was on a diet at the time.
He asks if I’m some kind of health freak and if I drink herbal teas, etc.
Me: didn’t hear him right YES.
Later that week, my manager orders pizza as a treat – I ask for cheese and tomato as I don’t like meaty pizza. My co-worker asks me if I’m a vegetarian.
Me: I just really don’t like meat (I meant on pizza, but he didn’t take it that way and thought I didn’t eat any meat).
So I am a super awkward person and didn’t want to correct this same co-worker.
ONE YEAR DOWN THE LINE… I am sneaking out eating my ham-sandwiches on my 15-minute lunch break and my co-workers only ever make me tea with honey ~ HOW DO I END THIS LIE OR HAS IT GONE TOO FAR??? HELP!” takinglibertys
12. He Even Has His Friend Call His Work Pretending To Be His Wife
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I mean, he could just say he’s getting a divorce…
“At work, for whatever reason, when I first started, I told a girl that I was married.
I was never married. It got so out of hand that I actually bought a fake wedding ring. The whole hospital thinks I’m a husband. I’ve had friends call in pretending they’re my wife. It’s so crazy out of hand now that I think I would be fired if the truth came out.” nocomply13
11. When A Nasty Coworker Made A Cake, She Would Have Said Anything To Get Out Of Eating It
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“Someone at work, who is grungy, a chain-smoker, and never washes her hands, made a carrot cake and was asking people to try it.
I told them I was allergic to carrots. I love carrots.
To this day, whenever I order or bring a salad to work, I have to have it with no carrots.” itsfoine
10. Since She Reads The Shows Synopsis Every Week, She Might As Well Watch The Show
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“Everyone I work with thinks I watch The Walking Dead– I haven’t viewed it since season two. Now I find myself reading the synopsis of episodes the day after they come out just to perpetuate the lie.” deleted
9. A White Lie Turned This Guy Into Not Only A Sports Fan But A League Leader
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“I told my boss I liked sports during my interview when he was asking me questions about being a team player.
I didn’t know the first thing about any sport other than whatever I heard from my friends (stats and team). I made up a bunch of stories about how I played “a bunch of things” in college (it wasn’t a complete lie… video games are a sport now, right?).
When he called me to tell me I got the job, he noted that he had signed me up for a few fantasy leagues. Luckily I had to finish my 3 months probation before I could join any “recreational activities” (i.e.
in case I got fired and couldn’t pay up).
I ended up spending all my time outside of work learning about basketball, football, baseball, and hockey (stats, franchise history, key players, plays, why everyone hates Tom Brady, etc.). A year later, and I now run the football league at work.” godblow
8. This Kid Got A Surgery He Didn’t Really Need To Get Out Of School
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“When I was 12, my best friend had his appendix removed and got a few weeks of school.
We had end-of-year exams and I hadn’t revised and wanted time off school. I faked my appendix hurting and ended up having major surgery to have it removed!!!! The surgeon said it was “a good job we got it” when they removed it, which makes me think all medical professionals are more full of *** than I was. Still terrifies me to this day I could have died on the operating table for a stupid lie as a kid.
7. He Got A Girl To Believe He Used To Play Bass For A Famous Band
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“Told this girl I work with that I was the bassist for the Goo Goo Dolls.
We were talking about this and that and she ended saying something about how she was “runway material” and I told her that she could be a part-time model, maybe.
I forgot what she said next, but I replied with, “My rock and roll days may be over, but I’m still way out of your league.”
She said, “What, were you in some crappy garage band?” And I told her that back then, we all were crappy garage bands.
Then I start to tell her that we were kind of big, went on Letterman a few times, played a show in Toronto.
She keeps asking questions, and I keep making stuff up, she has me hum a few songs, and a week later, she asked me if I was in the Goo Goo Dolls because a song I hummed kind of sounded like one of theirs, and I mentioned that Twister movie that had “Long Way Down” in it.
I never told her the truth, but she doesn’t ask about it much anymore.” Life_in_gray_scale
6. A Kid Gave Up French Fries In Order to Get Along With The Older Kids
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“It was in primary school, I found lessons boring and too easy, so the school made me go with older students.
I had no friends there, so my way of making some was to say I didn’t like french fries, so everyone would sit close to me and take some of my fries when we ate them at school.
It worked quite well as I socialized with people and made friends at lunchtime. However, I loved french fries, and I had to give all of them to my friends when we had some. This lasted until the end of primary school.” Plkgi49
5. His Imaginary Friends Take Up All His Weekends
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“I was a new hire at an engineering firm, and during work, my boss asked me to bring some documents that he needed to process my insurance and direct deposit.
He leaves, and I start writing down all the things I need to bring back on my cell phone. While I’m on the phone, he comes back and yells at me saying that I shouldn’t be on phone texting my friends during work. I honestly didn’t correct him because this idiot thought I had friends.
He’s a good guy and occasionally jokes about me texting my friends all the time. Every Monday, he asks me what I did over the weekend and I always have some story planned out before I go to work.” jondonbovi
4. Once He Said He Was Afraid Of Raccoons, He Couldn’t Go Back
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“I can’t even begin to tell you why I did it, because even I am not sure, but for some reason, I led my fiancée to believe that I had a traumatic, phobia-causing experience when I was a child.
With raccoons. She is convinced now that I hate them, and once she got me a stuffed one as a gag gift. It was cute as **** and I had to pretend to hate it, and we threw it away. I really wanted that raccoon.” Rioting_Derp
Another User Comments:
“I told my husband your story. He has a big heart for stuffed animals. He was just short of tears.
We now have a stuffed raccoon coming in the mail.” Rioting_Derp
3. Her Husband Has Taken Years To Notice Her Tattoo
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I mean, it’s already there; just tell your husband!
“I got a tattoo over 2 years ago on my ankle and my husband has yet to take notice.
At first, it was a funny. “How long until he notices?” and now I’m just trying to figure out what to say when he does finally notice it.
Not sure if I should play it off as something I had long before we met and just gaslight his a**, be shocked that it appeared suddenly out of nowhere, or be excited or mad he finally noticed it.” manderly808
2. Free Food For His Fake Family
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“I work at a Chinese restaurant.
I told my employer I had 3 minor siblings in order to get extra free food upon finishing a shift. Now I present my employer with fake life updates of my nonexisting siblings since they for some reason really held on to that fact. Still get free food and couldn’t be happier for my little brother Adam who started to attend high school this year and Emma who loves spring rolls and recently won a tournament in gymnastics.” Reddit user
1. He Told Everyone, Including His Children, That They Have Italian Heritage, But They Don’t
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“I remember being jealous of kids in junior high who would talk about their culturally diverse ancestors because I was just your normal Anglo white guy.
So I started telling everyone my ancestors were Italian because it seemed like the coolest race to be a part of.
This lie continued for so long, I had almost convinced myself it was true. So much, in fact, that my kids have done school reports on our “Italian heritage.”
About 2 years ago, I’m 33 now, I decided to actually research it. I found out my mom’s side is from jolly old England, but my dad’s side is from Belgium.
I’m not concerned about impressing people with my ancestry any longer, but I don’t have the heart to tell my kids that their storied background is a sham. By the way, tonight is spaghetti night, which my son loves, ‘because he’s Italian.'” GrinAndBear
Some lies are minor. Others, not so much. How far would you go to lie about something to cover yourself or keep yourself from utter embarrassment?
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