People Are Eager To Find Out What's Wrong With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Go To My Dad's Wedding?
“My dad (36M) and his fiance (33F) have been together for about 3 years, but they’ve known each other for 10. They were fine as friends, got along, made jokes, etc. But after they got together they started fighting, and my dad went from being sober for almost 2 1/2 years to drinking constantly.
My dad is terrible when wasted, so his drinking isn’t a good thing.
I do not support their engagement or their relationship in general. I’m 14, and since I was around 10-11, I’ve been very open about how I don’t like going over there and spending time with them. So, when I found out they were getting married I told my mom I didn’t want to go.
And so now my mom, a couple of her friends, and my little brother (12) have been trying to get me to go.
So, WIBTJ for not wanting to go because I don’t support either of them or their relationship?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You very well explained your reasoning for not going.
And your feelings are justified and validated. You have a concern over your father’s intake of substances and worry that this is a toxic relationship. But you need to express this directly to your father. This cannot come from any other family member, only you. You need to catch your dad sober, in a safe space and express your concerns and explain why you don’t want to go.” HungryFlu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I strongly encourage you to go.
I understand you don’t support the relationship, and that you’re struggling with the changes you’ve seen in your father since they’ve been together, but not attending their wedding is a big line in the sand. It says a lot about your unwillingness to be part of their family and will be a really hard thing for them to get past as your relationship with them continues to develop.
You don’t have to stand up with him or toast them or anything, ask if you can bring a friend, and then just sit there with your friend and focus on the food and cake. I just think that if you skip it, you’ll regret not going at some point in your life.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Anyone telling you to ‘accept him’ for this because ‘he’s your dad’ needs some serious perspective. No one should have to accept toxic behavior from family or otherwise. Becoming a heavy drinker because of a relationship is the epitome of toxic and, seeing as how you are a minor, potentially dangerous for you.” dungeonthatneverends
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Graduation Party?
“I expressed to my mother that I was not okay with having a graduation party for my master’s program, more than a month ago. The fact is that I’m 25, and it feels odd to have my parents throw a party for me for getting a Master’s degree. I said I appreciated the thought, but would prefer only immediate family at a small family dinner.
She kept bringing it up renting out a restaurant room, and I told her multiple times that I just wanted an immediate family get-together. Over text message, she kept asking me what day I would want to celebrate, and I kept telling her to hold off on the decision for the date because I wanted to discuss it further with her in person about the event, hoping she would finally understand I just wanted a small family gathering if I told her again in person.
Well, today she told me that my stepfather went ahead and invited 20+ people including my coworkers. I told her through text that I specifically said I only wanted immediate family, and that because of that, I felt she completely disregarded my feelings and crossed a boundary. She claimed it was simply miscommunication.
I said I was clear, but that she went ahead and made plans anyway. She said I wasn’t considering her feelings in the matter. She asked if I wanted to cancel, but I told her I’m too embarrassed to cancel now because the family will wonder what was up.
She brought up that I missed family events during my program and that she wasn’t asking anything more than what a normal parent would ask of their child.
She kept asking if I wanted to cancel, and I repeated that would be embarrassing. She eventually told me to stop texting her and that she has done nothing wrong, and that she won’t fight me for pushing people away. I responded that SHE pushed me away when she disregarded my boundary.
She phoned me crying saying, ‘I’m sorry I can’t do anything right.’ I responded with, ‘I’m not going to take responsibility for your guilt for crossing my boundary., and then she told me ‘screw you. I hung up, texting her back, ‘I’m sorry you’re upset but don’t cuss me out, and tell me that I think you can’t do anything right’.
I didn’t want to have the graduation party because I have anxiety, and I would honestly just be smiling through a lot of discomfort. I don’t like being the center of attention and I feel too old for this. We had a previous argument similar to this one about my bachelor’s degree.
Her last text says, ‘You need to know you have hurt me very deeply. I’m sorry you don’t want to have family in your life. I don’t know how to make you happy. It seems like everything I do annoys you or it’s the wrong thing. I realize you can’t wait to get as far away from us as you can.
I hate that’s how you feel and I’m sorry if that’s partially my fault. I love you. I want you to have everything you want in life. I’ve worked my entire life so you could. You’ve always been my priority. You always will be.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting a graduation party.
You had a valid reason, told your mom multiple times and you still got a large gathering of people. Here are a well-known secret: That’s what moms do… mostly embarrassing things that you don’t want them to do. She’s proud of you and wants to show how proud she is in front of your family and friends.
My only suggestion is you could deal with your mom more tactfully. Because as with most moms, she thinks with heart, not with what you want in mind.” Appropriate_Self_113
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Ok, your mom clearly violated your boundaries and put you in an uncomfortable situation.
I empathize with having family members you don’t see eye to eye on. Having said that, you may come across similar situations in the future where you’re seen as too uptight or isolated and people like your mom encroach upon your boundaries because they don’t understand it/respect them. And you may be able to tell your mother no and get upset over it, but what if it’s your SO or your colleague, your boss, your landlord, your neighbor?
Are you going to fight and have a conflict every time?
We all go through certain things in life even if we don’t like them. Since you’re planning on going thru with the dinner anyway, why not do it with more peace and get a decent evening out of it?
They’re gathering to celebrate you, after all (and also I’m sure some of them just wanted an excuse to go out, dress up, etc. so don’t feel so pressured). And afterward, maybe have a heart-to-heart with your mom about your boundaries and preferences so that she can understand you better.
From what you wrote, it sounds like she really loves you but seems unsure of how to act and do things for you because you have different tendencies from her.” charlie_cocoa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is purposefully ignoring you. When you don’t just accept what she wants to do she moves into emotional manipulation and gaslighting.
She is not respecting your wishes because they don’t align with her desires, whatever they may be. Congrats on completing the Master’s program!!’ Nannookdoowah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like you were very clear about what YOU wanted for YOUR ‘party’ to celebrate YOUR achievements.
You also even gave an alternative event you would be comfortable with, which included family. Her accusing you of “not wanting to have family in your life” is completely baseless.” katmindae
21. AITJ For Not Prioritizing Getting The Cats Outside Apartment Fire?
“We’re sitting in my partner’s living room watching some TV. We had just smoked some stuff and I am feeling great (not that I believe this would’ve changed my decision but it definitely added to my anxiety/paranoia about the situation). All of sudden the fire alarms just start blasting.
My partner has two cats and I assumed that maybe one of them had tripped the alarm so I wasn’t too worried. Then ask her frantically if she has a pullable alarm and she says no.
So now I’m thinking there truly is a fire. I inspect the apartment briefly and notice that I don’t see smoke or fire so it’s not coming from this apartment.
I then hear lots of footsteps above us. My partner lives in a three-floor building on the first floor. This is when my fight or flight was activated. I quickly tell to my partner that we need to leave because this could be a real emergency. My partner’s focus is getting the cats in a carrier they don’t like to get into.
There are two of them and it’s a small carrier so I didn’t know how much time it would take for her to gather them let alone for us to leave. I told her we needed to go and forget about the cats. She didn’t like that.
Reluctantly she left the apartment with me. When we arrived outside we noticed the alarm was going off in the entire building with people evacuating. When we got to the parking lot we noticed some people got their pets out. Her immediate response was ‘other people brought their cats. Literally, screw you for making me leave my cats inside.’ I know she was anxious and stressed just like I was, but I honestly thought I was doing the right thing.
Every fire drill I’ve ever been in has told me if you can tell/help people get out do so and then exit. When it comes to pets/possessions leave them behind or it may cost your life. I was so concerned about my partner and my safety that I wasn’t concerned about the cats that she’s only had for a month.
I didn’t retaliate once she told me ‘screw you’ I just kinda stood quietly and then later explained why I behaved the way I did. What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, this is a situation where it would normally be ‘no jerks here’, but with you and the way you’re telling this story… YTJ.
So this would be ‘no jerks here’ with MOST people because It’s completely understandable that your partner was stressed and anxious about her cats in such a situation. At the same time, everyone’s fight/flight/freeze/fawn response is different. She was definitely in fight/flight/freeze/fawn like you were, but just in a different way.
It sounded like you were in flight, and she was in a combination of freeze-flight. You usually don’t have much conscious control over it, but it’s your nervous system’s way of interpreting the situation trying to prevent harm from the danger.
But my verdict is YTJ, completely.
Because you equate cats with personal possessions. I can understand if you equated them at the moment because you were trying to save yourself. But you’re writing this AFTER the fact. Which is very alarming. Also, the fact that these are cats that she’s ‘only had for a month’ means NOTHING.
Cats are living beings just like humans are. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been your pets at all. Cats are still living beings. They’re not the same as your favorite piece of clothing, your laptop, or whatever. Your language shows that you just view your cats as your partner’s possessions.
I love my cats to death and I can’t imagine just viewing them at the same level as possessions the way you do.” 19scohen
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look, if it was a real risk of fire, and she can’t get the cats in a carrier to comply and is panicking, then you’re forced to make a terrible choice – leave the cats behind, or potentially lose your life and potentially the life of your partner.
It’s awful and unfair, but it’s the case of it. You also can’t really hold her levels of stress and anxiety in that situation against her, she was equally terrified. I would recommend practicing getting the cats in a carrier quickly and being ready for a fire if you ever have a real emergency to deal with.
However, you also did say she only had them for a month – that comment does kind of make you a jerk, but that’s not really the focus of this situation. Overall still no jerks here, but recognize your partner is still going to need your support and empathy.” LordofDD93
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here — you did the right thing.
That said, this is a good learning experience. You and your partner need a plan for future emergencies so that you have a way to gather the cats and get them sorted quickly and efficiently.
But you also need to know to NEVER go back into a burning building for any reason.
If you have pets that are left inside, do NOT go back for them. Instead, let the firefighters know what pets you have, and what kind they are, and give them a description, and a brief explanation of where they might hide. The firefighters are far better equipped to get those pets out alive than you are, and they can focus on saving your pets instead of trying to save you AND your pets, which will almost certainly put your pets’ lives at risk and is absolutely putting the firefighters’ lives at risk.” Impossible_Zebra8664
20. AITJ For "Stonewalling" My Mom?
“My mom and I (26) have had a rocky relationship for a long time. I don’t doubt that there were happy times growing up, but I just can’t remember them. I remember the fights, her always choosing my sister, how I felt tossed aside and like none of my thoughts or feelings mattered. When she left my dad, I resented her for how she decided to do it.
Years later when he died, she might’ve texted or called but she didn’t come to the hospital. She went to my sister’s destination wedding the next day though and was her rock while I stayed home and handled his affairs. She didn’t come to the funeral either because her husband felt like my dad just ‘wasn’t his people.’
I felt let down. I feel like she always lets me down. I’ve slowly tried to cut her out of my life recently after years of accumulation. We spoke briefly about a week ago and I ended up unleashing on her. I said a lot of true but hurtful things.
She was trying to defend her husband on something in a family group chat (aunt added me) and I shut her down saying how no one was trying to make him out to be a bad guy, he just IS a bad guy.
I laid out how much of a creep he is and why.
I told her that I personally would never forgive him for also being the one to prove to me that I’m nothing to my own mother in his shadow. My sister somehow got brought into it and I told her that my guess for why she doesn’t care about me is because she’s already got her daughter.
I was thorough. I’d had enough. The last thing she said was that I need therapy because my perceptions are off and I have very deep seeded issues. She claims that she’s tried with me but that I have always shut her out. I am actively doing that now with no intention of reconciliation.
I do sometimes wonder though if I’m the jerk that has f’ed up royally and done her wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean what you did isn’t ‘stonewalling’ is it? NTJ for feeling your feelings but I’d probably agree that therapy would be a good tool for you.
Not because you should ‘get past’ the past and reconcile with your mother if you don’t even want to, but just for you to be able to work through any resentment you’re feeling and be able to make healthy boundaries in the relationships you do choose to maintain.” User
19. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Ley My Son Have A Motorcycle?
“I (43F) have two children (19F and 15M) with my ex-husband (44M). Ex and I have lived separately for about four years and the kids spend three nights a week with him. We get along OK but aren’t friends and don’t talk to each other unless needed.
My son does not have a great relationship with his dad.
My ex can be narcissistic and manipulative and often makes the kids feel guilty if they don’t like something he thinks they should like, etc. Both kids have been in therapy and a large part of that is around their relationship with their dad. When he’s there, my son spends most of the time in his room alone, and while he’s never flat out said so, his sister and I both believe he’s planning to go no contact with dad once he’s 18.
My ex is oblivious to this and wouldn’t believe it anyway. He occasionally tries to do things to bond with our son, but my son has been resistant because he just doesn’t like his father very much.
My ex enjoys motorcycling and has his own bike. My son’s 16th birthday is tomorrow.
A few days ago, he mentioned to me that he thinks his dad is going to get him his own motorcycle for his birthday. I thought to myself that even my ex would not be that stupid, but didn’t say much about it.
Turns out my ex is that stupid.
My son went to his dad’s after school today and found out that they are going to pick up his motorcycle tomorrow. For context, my son does not have a motorcycle license. He’s had a restricted driver’s license for about a year (only allowed to drive alone between 6 am-10 pm and must have a parent/guardian in the passenger seat otherwise).
He does not have a car, does not want a car, and rarely ever drives. He occasionally drives to the store in town on his own, but other than that he does not care to drive. He’s driven out of town on the highway exactly twice and was white-knuckle nervous both times.
I think it’s a terrible idea to put such a young and inexperienced driver on a motorcycle. Motorcycles are not particularly safe in general but especially not for someone who barely even knows how to drive a car. I normally don’t involve myself with my ex’s parenting decisions but today I called him and said under no circumstances is our son allowed to drive a motorcycle.
He can find some other way for them to bond and spend time together and he needs to either return the bike or sell it. He sounded annoyed but agreed.
Now my son is upset too because apparently he’s been psyching himself up about this and was excited about it.
I explained my reasoning to him but he’s got that teenage immortality complex and doesn’t understand why I don’t think it’s safe.
My mom and sisters agree with me, but they hate my ex and think anything he does is bad just on principle. Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell your ex to buy him a dirt bike and take him to appropriate places to have their fun, for example, parks that have off-road trails. They will bond much more there and can get into some camping as well. If your son isn’t confident in a car then he’s not going to be on a motorcycle and if he hasn’t driven enough to be in the habit of defensive driving he needs to do so before even getting on a bike on the road.” Nagadavida
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also how someone feels in a car is not necessarily indicative of how they are on a bike. I white-knuckled my car the entire time I drove cross country but am totally comfortable on a motorcycle. If he’s never done dirt biking or anything similar he is going to have a worse time on a bike than a car and it’s going to end up being way less safe.” Necrosins
Another User Comments:
“Error 404. Jerk not found. Motorcycles are fun but extremely dangerous. That’s obvious. I love cars and motorcycles. When I bought my first sports car I swore I would drive it responsibly. That was only true for a few hours. I said that same thing when I got my current sports car (Camaro ZL1).
That was obviously a lie and I’ve pushed that car almost to 200 MPH (320 KPH). The only reason I haven’t bought a motorcycle myself is because I know I’m going to do the same thing, and no matter how careful you are, accidents happen. You can only protect him until he becomes an adult but hopefully, by then he has outgrown this phase.” notdavidd
18. AITJ For Prioritizing My Work Over My Partner's Desire To Party?
“I (21M) am a musician who takes my craft seriously, up until the health crisis I actually was a full-time teacher as well as performer. Whenever I have a show, I don’t really treat it as a social time, even though most musicians who play bars like I do use their free time to hang out — I spend it warming up, going over my material, practicing new techniques, thinking of ways to be a better entertainer, getting new contacts, stuff like that.
I treat it like it’s a job and I’m up for promotion, basically. I myself am also straight edge, which I say only to demonstrate that I’m not even drinking or smoking before or after shows. Usually, I don’t even drink anything other than water and eat very small meals beforehand to maximize my physicality on stage.
My partner (22F) is the complete opposite in terms of how she goes to shows with me. She claims to understand that I consider this to be a second job rather than just a hobby, but still encourages me to stop acting so professional. A few months ago, my band had our first show since 2020, and it also somewhat doubled as our 3rd CD release show, because the CD had been released at the beginning of 2020 and the original release show had to be called off.
This was a rather large show for us, probably 125-150 or so (it’s a lot for local bands in our genre haha) along with several other locals that we’re closest to, and at this show, she decided that, even though she knew I was working and a bit nervous with stage jitters anyway, she was going to get extremely wasted on no food.
I don’t mind her or anyone else I bring drinking or smoking a little, but I do expect anyone I associate myself with to conduct themselves with some semblance of responsibility because in these areas the people there know me, know that she’s with me as well, and the judgment ends up falling back into me as the public figure in addition to dramatically worsening my pre-show anxieties.
No need to get into specifics, but the gist of it is that she ended up causing a pretty big scene while some good friends of ours were on stage, which also happened to be about five minutes before we were set to go on stage. In response to this, I told her the next day that I was no longer comfortable bringing her to shows until she decided to start acting more responsible at them, as this was not the first time she had done similar things and we had had similar discussions before, though it was the most extreme time.
I understand why that would be upsetting, but I explained that what she did was akin to me going into her grocery store while she was on shift during a corporate inspection, making a huge scene, and making sure the management knew I was only there because of her. She’s still upset, and I feel a little bad about it, but I think my choice of career needs to take precedence over her right to get wasted and party at my shows so I’m (currently at least) standing by my decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should be networking with you not working against you. My husband was in a punk band and I helped get their songs on the radio, run their social media, got them gigs to play with Alice Cooper, and so on (and I did all this before he was my husband).
When you take something like this seriously so should everyone else. Especially since you’ve said you have had this conversation with her before. The reputation of yourself and the people around you are important in this industry so I think you’re right to stand by your decision.” emilyjean14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Playing gigs is not exactly a relaxing time for the talent. You have to load gear in and out, make sure you’re soundchecked and on time, deal with finances and merch, ensure your show is going to go smoothly, etc, all while trying to make time to interact with staff and other bands.
Friends may be having a good time but they do tend to get in the way. I’ve had problems similar to this and if you’re taking it seriously and, as you said, trying to get that promotion, you aren’t out of line to keep these relationships separated.” OMemeWeaver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was the girl in that situation and took being supportive seriously. Kept my head, and nursed a drink or two over the evening, because being a musician is a JOB. That fellow didn’t drink before shows either, it was all business, after they’d loaded out, dropped off equipment, etc, then they would relax.
I wouldn’t expect my partner to come to my work and drink to the point of being obnoxious. You might need to decide what’s more important, your partner being happy or your bandmates being happy.” pdxflwerpwer
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas Abroad?
“I (26M) and my partner (24F) have a recurring argument about this.
I have a very close family and Christmas is very important to us. My partner’s family is disconnected and Christmas hasn’t been great for her the last few years. We had our first Christmas together in 2021 and we spent it with my family and her dad came. Long story short, her dad is a jerk but I invited him because no one should be alone on Christmas day.
Anyway, she has said a few times that she wants to spend next Christmas just us two and she kept bringing up the idea of going to a different country together for Christmas. I thought well I don’t really just want to isolate my family and not spend Christmas with them and I made it clear to her that I really wouldn’t want to do this.
She keeps bringing it up and today she called me inconsiderate and that I shut her down when she brings it up. By shutting her down she means me saying I don’t want to go. I told her that I’d be happy to go before, or even after Christmas for the New Year but apparently, I’m a jerk because I make it all about my family at Christmas.
I feel like just because her family doesn’t talk and spend Christmas together I should have to stop spending time with mine.
She’s starting to make me feel bad for having a loving family, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Agreeing on how to spend the holidays can be a make or break for some couples.
Consider Christmas for your partner is stressful and maybe she wants to start creating traditions between the 2 of you… so she can feel some of that holiday joy that you look forward to. Although you want to visit your family (which is fine), it isn’t her family. Discuss a plan going forward, maybe you both agree to spend this Christmas with each other and next year with your family, keep an open mind.
I don’t know what works for you, but 50-50 doesn’t work for all aspects of relationships, keep an open mind.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because my husband and I have actually had this conversation before. Being together is about compromise. You had your turn. This year is her turn.
If you think there is a woman in this world, who isn’t a doormat, that would be ok with this then you have bigger issues. What you have done isn’t fair to her at all. It doesn’t matter if she has family or not if she wants her turn to be the two of you then it is.
She has reasons she wants it to be you two only. She’s trying to start a tradition with you that is y’all’s. You can’t see that though because you are so worried about hurting your family’s feelings that you are willing to hurt your partner. You might want to figure out why that is.
If I were her I honestly would think twice about being with someone who couldn’t tell his family, hey this year is partners. We will see y’all next year. What about when you have kids? Is your family the only ones that get to be involved?” happymomma40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You both just have different expectations. But, you probably need to have a more in-depth discussion about it than just ‘I don’t want to.’ You mentioned Christmas had not been great for her the last few years. Is the issue that she doesn’t want to spend Christmas with your family going forward, or is it that she would like one away just the two of you to reset?
Maybe Christmas in her head is a time that sucks and watching you and your family enjoy it hits her harder that her family doesn’t.” YogurtGoats
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here if this continues long-term…
Here is the deal. Because you are TOGETHER, you are NTJ. Spend Christmas however you please.
But if you are serious about this girl and see a long-term future with this person (including shacking up/marriage), dictating that you spend every Christmas your way is not fair.
I do think you offered a nice compromise of leaving after Christmas and in many cases that would be quite reasonable, but there is something jerk-ish about not acknowledging Christmas is maybe a trashier time of year for her b/c her family is not a happy Brady Bunch fam and you are asking her to essentially be a spectator of your happy family antics, which if she liked, she would want to attend.
Most couples do ‘every other year’ compromises.
I’d be more curious about why she only wants to spend the day with you and respect that… The crux of this is what you want vs what she wants (and why) and not where you will actually be.” Away_Refuse8493
16. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Plane Seats?
“I recently had to travel out of state to visit my family. I have a psychiatric service animal for my bipolar/schizoaffective disorder and Lula my chiwinnie accompanies me. I always have to sit in a window seat so I can see what’s happening (I fear planes). Apparently, the person next to me has a terrible dog allergy.
They asked the attendant if I will be moved and I said I would move to another window seat. They found another seat but it was an aisle seat so I said I couldn’t do it.
The man beside me refused to move to the other seat because it wasn’t economy plus with extra legroom like we were sitting in.
The guy was very rude for the rest of the flight to me and the attendants. My brother said I was rude and should have accommodated a person with a medical condition since it would not kill me to be in a non-window seat. I am not sure what to think since his concern was valid too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t know for sure but I think you pay a good amount more for economy plus (on 13hr flights I’ve been on they were $300-$500 more). That guy was definitely in the right to refuse to downgrade. In addition, as a customer, the airline and you had no right to demand him to be accommodating.
It was not his job. Finally, animals on board and sitting right next to you is not an average thing you’d expect (I’d kill to have a cute dog next to me). The guy had no way to prepare for it.
You were assigned a window seat and you required it.
Similarly, no one should have given you an attitude for you not budging. In reality, it was the airline that failed to rectify the situation. They should have offered either one of you an equal or better seat. Business for example. Or asked if anyone would like to switch for a voucher.
The airline is at fault. Neither of you is at fault.” hicassy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The fact he sat through the entire flight without having any medical issue or emergency says a lot about his nonsense. Also if his life depends on staying away from your ESA, he has the option to move away even to a small seat to save his life.
This makes it even more obvious of his lie. He’s just upset he can’t get what he wants which is either to have the entire row to himself or your dog to move away so as not to potentially disturb him. Your brother needs to get his head out of his butt.
Also, people are so entitled that they seem to think people should accommodate their problems instead of removing themselves from the issue as it’s a them-problem, not an others-problem.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had every right to sit in the seat you reserved. If the other person’s allergies were as bad as stated they would have been happy to move.
Obviously, their allergies were not as bad as they tried to make them out to be, or they were possibly only claiming to have allergies because they thought they could force you to move. I have severe allergies, and I always travel with allergy medications to help ease the symptoms, and if it is something I have a severe allergy to I would be willing to move because more legroom wouldn’t be worth feeling that miserable during a flight.” Wisdomofpearl
15. AITJ For Wanting To Go To Bed When I Want To Go To Bed?
“OKAY, a bit of background: I (25) male, came home after being at the gym at 9 PM where my loving girlfriend, let’s call her Jess (25) female, was waiting for me.
I ask her about the time that’s passed since we last saw each other (about two hours). We have a quick convo about the run she went on and I mention a short story about when I got back into running recently. We speak about the nap we took together before the gym and how it was excellent, and all seems well!
Now Jess had made dinner as she had told me earlier she wasn’t going to wait for me to eat, I prefer to eat after the gym stew isn’t a good pre-workout meal. This isn’t a big deal to me so when I make it home, dinner is made.
I thank her a few times to be sure she feels appreciated because if I’m 100% honest, we’ve had some issues in the past with her feeling like I don’t appreciate her. I begin to make some extra noodles for the meal, as there aren’t many left and I’m hungry, from there I’m focused on a conversation with some friends, while I’m typing she says, “Hey look at this.” It’s a nice photo of her cat.
I give him awe because he’s adorable and I’m back to typing,
She then says, “Stop ignoring me for your phone,” to which I reply hey sorry what is it, another image of her cat, a video this time even. I watch the entire thing and thoroughly enjoy it we have a brief convo about her super dope cat, and I’m realizing I didn’t reply to a message so I do that.
Jess gets up and says she is going to head to bed as she is tired, understandable she worked today and got up at 6 am who wouldn’t be? I say great I’m going to eat and then come to bed.
I proceed to smoke a little weed, dish up my bowl, and sit on the couch to enjoy my food.
A good feeling overall. I eat quickly and get up to do the dishes from dinner, this takes a little time there’s a couple of pots some pans Jess’s bowl, and some other bits and bobs. Not feeling tired, I opt to sit for the rest of the youtube video I began to try and alleviate the general feeling of antsiness I get after an intense work out.
Jess comes out of the bedroom and says,
Jess: Aren’t you coming to bed?
Me: I was just winding down a bit I feel antsy
Jess: You said you were coming to bed… sigh
Realizing Jess’ obvious disappointed and somewhat irritated tone, I get up and ask, “I wanted to chill for a bit after my workout and dinner, what is wrong with that?”
She says I’m being defensive for asking this.
She’s upset because I told her I was coming to bed, I kind of changed my mind and assumed she had fallen asleep since.
Now she is calling me selfish for knowing I would wake her up later even though she has to work in the am.
She went to sleep in the other room and is currently berating me over text message about how inconsiderate I am.
To me, it really feels as though I didn’t do anything wrong. For context, it was 10:30 when I came to bed after the comment she made. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ.
Women/men need to realize their partners are grown and they don’t need to go to bed at the same time as each other. Props to you for putting up with someone like your girlfriend because she’d irritate me.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NAH.
I run into this problem too sometimes. It’s come to these few points (1) that the person in bed is stuck awake because there’s a feeling of anxiety keeping them up because they don’t want to be disturbed when you do make their way to bed (2) there’s a sense of loneliness before going to bed and that it comforts the other person and allows for better sleep (3) there’s a selfish need sometimes for just wanting your significant other near you and *this is the only time it’s not ok to be rude when the issue arises.
Took a while to figure this out and it’s anecdotal so maybe there’s some truth to it for you too.” bryyyyyyyyyyy
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Roommate's Puppy Anymore?
“My roommate recently just got a German shepherd puppy spontaneously without doing much research about the breed or even research on how to train a puppy.
And this puppy is out of control. When he is out of his crate, he attacks my cat, eats the poops out of the litter box, is still not house trained so he dumps and pees all over the living room rug, and he will bite your heel any time you walk past him.
My roommate also works 8-hour shifts that start at 7 am, so she wakes up at 6 and takes him outside. After, she brings him back in and shoves him in his crate.
As soon as she leaves for work every morning, the puppy begins howling and barking non-stop. I do not have to be at my classes until 10 am, so I am woken up every morning 3 hours before I am supposed to buy this dog screaming in his crate.
I try and ignore him but he’s so loud that it’s impossible to sleep so I usually end up having to get out of bed and take him out of his crate.
This has all been annoying in itself, but today was my breaking point. She left for work this morning and again he begins howling in his crate.
I did not get much sleep last night so I am already very irritable. I try to go back to sleep and ignore him but again, he is so loud and the barking is constant so it is impossible to ignore.
I finally got out of bed and let him out of his crate to go walk him outside.
I walked him around the block for 30 minutes and he did not pee or poop once, so I brought him back inside. As SOON as I bring him inside he dumps on the rug.
Irritated, I pick up the poop and then take him outside to see if he has to pee, but he refuses to walk.
I am pulling on his leash and trying to bribe him with treats to get him to walk and he is not budging. I end up having to pick him up because he is being so stubborn, and do you know what he does as soon as I pick him up?
He pees all. over me. All of my scrubs I have to wear to class.
I was enraged at this point and brought him back inside and put him in his crate. I texted my roommate and told her what happened and explained that I will not be taking him outside anymore.
(Another side note is that every time before this situation that I have taken him out while she wasn’t there, she has only thanked me once). She texted me back and told me that it was ridiculous that I am refusing to take him out anymore. She said he is just a puppy and he can’t sit in his crate for 8 hours a day while she is at work.
I texted her back and told her it’s ridiculous to get a new puppy when you know you don’t have the time to take care of it and that he is not my responsibility. So am I the jerk for being upset by this and not wanting to take care of him anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need to be very clear that if she does not figure out and implement a plan (dog walker, doggy daycare, etc.) by the end of the week, you will be reporting her for animal neglect. Treating the dog this way will do irreparable harm to him and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to find him a new family when she finally gives up.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your puppy, not your responsibility. But until you’re able to find a new place/new roommate, I’d definitely talk to them about maybe bringing the dog to doggy daycare. Not sure where you live but there are a ton specifically for training as well.
Your roommate NEEDS to do research, especially for a dog that is bred to have jobs. If a dog like that doesn’t learn enough or has enough things to do, it will find things to do. Your roommate seriously needs to train the puppy or find him a new owner who can.
Best of luck OP. And make sure you are reimbursed for anything the puppy ruins of yours (I hope you have renters insurance).” CS0607
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all but your roommate sure is. And I honestly almost never advocate for ailing the cops or authority figures except for extreme circumstances but the fact that she told you the puppy cannot spend 8 hours in a crate just proves she was counting on you to help take care of the dog.
Also, the nipping-the-heels thing is a concern. German Shepards can be very affectionate but there is a reason the military uses them as attack dogs. They can do serious damage if not trained properly. I would give her a week’s deadline to figure something out or call animal control. I had a friend when I was little whose family adopted a German Shepard and the dog was aggressive and bit 3 people within the first week having it because its previous owners neglected it.” randallbabbage
13. AITJ For Telling My Dad He's Addicted To TikTok?
“I (29f) moved back in with my parents (61f & 64m) 3 years ago. I own a business, my mom had been hinting about me using the outbuilding on their property to eliminate my costs of rent.
I found out she was using this as a ploy because of her health situation and just wanted me near without obligating me. I immediately moved back home and set up a business in the outbuilding and have been her right hand ever since. She calls me when she needs something and I run right inside.
My dad comes in from work at 3 pm Monday-Friday. He walks in the door and rarely ever greets us. He showers and then remains on TikTok until 6 pm when he’ll walk out asking what’s for dinner. He eats and immediately returns to bed to watch more TikTok until he goes to sleep.
All weekend long he doesn’t leave the bed except to eat, and TikTok is on constantly. This pattern has been ongoing since I was a young child (except for the TikTok part).
For the last few years, he’ll send me TikTok’s all throughout the day, every day. He’ll call me to ask if I watched them, which I rarely do because I’m either busy with work, house chores or driving my mom around town, or caring for her directly.
Sometimes he comes in and will shove his phone in my face telling me to stop working to watch this TikTok. I’ve pretty much just tolerated all this.
Since the weekend, I haven’t been feeling well. I caught a skin infection after not leaving my mom’s side for 48hrs during her unexpected hospital stay.
Today, I stopped work an hour early, 4 pm I laid down on the couch and began dozing off. His phone is always on max volume, it’s become increasingly annoying for a long time to both my mom and me. I bought him AirPods which he lost and bought another pair which he refuses to wear now.
I told him to please turn it down a bit so I could shut my eyes before making dinner, and he did for all 3 minutes. That’s when I lost my mind and hollered at him that he needs psychiatric help. In return, he told me I need help and I need to mind my own business about his phone.
I had to buy a loud fan for the living room just so it would buffer his phone so we could actually enjoy watching movies in the evening. I’ve tried just tuning it out BUT IT IS SO FREAKING LOUD. He’s not hard of hearing either, he says he has it on max volume so he doesn’t have to hear my mom and I run our mouths for hours on end (we’re actually both quiet people).
I’ve told him the phone is disturbing everyone. I’ve even heard my mom tell him in the middle of the night to turn the crap off cause she was asleep.
But I’m the jerk for telling him the obvious? He doesn’t think it’s possible to be addicted to TikTok but really my comment about him needing help was much more than just that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like he genuinely needs psychiatric help, and you only brought it up in an angry way. I feel like he could maybe benefit from a calm, non-accusatory conversation about this. I understand your frustration with him but no one is ever going to take advice when they feel like it’s being yelled at them.
what he’s doing is unhealthy, and should be talked about, but it probably won’t get through to him if you don’t have a more serious talk about it.” thatsnotaknoife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he has a serious issue and it’s not fair to you and your mom.
However, I would suggest trying to approach the subject more delicately next time.” imaginaryshivering
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this new behavior or has he always been like this?
If it’s fairly new, my guess is that he’s losing his hearing, but refuses to admit it. You wouldn’t believe how many people go into angry denial over hearing loss.
My father started blasting the tv to intolerable levels and refused to get a hearing test. He got furious with me and my brother for even suggesting it. Guess what? Many months of denial later it turned out he had hearing loss.
He could also be seriously addicted to TikTok.
I’ve seen several posts here with people complaining about family members who have turned into phone or video game zombies.
It could also be a combination of both.” Paevatar
12. AITJ For Thinking The Others Should Leave The Classroom?
“So, the other day I was sitting in math class, a particularly hard class for me as I have dyscalculia (like dyslexia but with numbers). Some of the symptoms I have are numbers looking blurry, reading the wrong numbers, and especially anxiety about math. My classmate, C for short here, has trouble staying quiet during class.
He is very disruptive and loud during almost every class. He has also been borderline bullying me for almost two years. Now during math class, my teacher tried to explain something to me that I of course did not understand. She was patient and rephrased her explanation. Again, I couldn’t understand it.
But not just because I’m bad at math, but because at this point C and his friends were being SO loud that I literally couldn’t hear my teacher. I raised my voice at C, letting him know that I CANNOT hear ANYTHING.
Me: C Please I can’t hear her (my teacher).
C: Well maybe, if you weren’t sitting all the way in the back, you would be able to hear her.
Me, now louder: No… I’d be able to hear her if you weren’t so obnoxious and loud.
C was just laughing and disagreeing. My teacher chimed in, agreeing with me.
He did not get quiet after this. My teacher is not completely fluent in the language we speak in my country, and because a majority of my classmates are racist, nationalist, and classist, they did not and would never take her seriously. No matter how hard she tried to bring across the authority.
About 2 minutes later I absolutely LOST it. I started screaming at him to shut up for once and please be respectful for just 5 minutes. I was met with laughter and giggling by C and his friends as well as the girl that’s been bullying me since 7th grade (I’m in 10th grade now).
I started tearing up, packed up my stuff, and went home.
My teacher arranged a counseling session with the entire class for the next day.
During that period, everyone was supposed to say what they wanted from the class like things they wanted to change or things they wished would be available.
I wished for mental health awareness. I was bullied from ages 5-10, and 11-14 and had an extremely defensive personality. I have made lots of progress since, and things like this have barely happened in the past 2 years.
When I mentioned this to my class I was told that they didn’t think so.
That I hadn’t changed and that I was to leave the classroom if I got emotional.
Am I wrong to say that the people being rude to me or being loud in class should be the ones to leave the classroom? It’s not like I get emotional for no reason.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand why your frustration over the ongoing bullying and the impact on the learning environment led you to lose your temper. The teacher sounds well-intentioned with the ‘counseling session’ for the class, but I’m not surprised that the bullies placed the blame on you.
Are there any practical changes that can be made to improve the environment? Could you sit in front where you have a better chance of hearing the teacher and will not be in the immediate vicinity of C?
In the meantime, I know how hard it is, having been bullied in middle school.
I was new and for almost two years my classmates thought it was fun to knock books off my desk, throw my violin on the floor, whisper insults just loud enough for me to hear, threaten to beat me up after school, etc. The goal was to make me cry, and they were thrilled when they were successful.
Do your best to minimize your external reaction to the bullying, and hopefully, they will get bored and find another hobby.” -SnowQueen-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been in your shoes. It sucks, it truly does. Although I don’t share your disability, I have my own invisible one. The struggle is real and inconsiderate people only exacerbate the situation with their collective lack of empathy.
The school is only providing a bandaid when real solutions are necessary.” nikkesen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your teacher is not effectively controlling the classroom. A part of her job is to make sure that there is an environment where everyone can focus and learn, and she’s failing to create that.” idreaminwords
11. AITJ For Hurting My Friend's Feelings With A Joke?
“So this all happened over messages, me, ‘Becky’, the mutual friend (who we’ll call ‘Daniel’) are all in a server with a bunch of other people, about 20. We were having fun and talking and I made a comment about how I ‘don’t really date people’ and Becky responds with ‘loser.’ I didn’t take offense to this, it was clearly a joke so I responded with ‘well at least I don’t have to worry about being broken up with, so who’s really the loser here?’
Now for the part that I feel bad about; earlier she had told me about this really bad breakup she went through, I’m not going to go into much detail, but it was bad. I hadn’t thought about that when I made the joke, I was just focused on generic bad parts about relationships.
She immediately got mad, saying that I was cruel and that I was a jerk.
I tried to explain that my intention wasn’t to make fun of her or anything like that and also said I was sorry that I hurt her feelings and didn’t mean to, but she said that it was BS.
Daniel was also here, along with other people, trying to diffuse the situation and most were on my side. The conversation ended with her calling me a jerk again and saying that I was using her bad breakup as a way to make fun of her.
Daniel messages me privately after the conversation ended and said that he got what I was trying to say and told me to just ignore her and she’ll move on, but I still felt bad.
I privately messaged her and tried to give another apology, just saying that my intention wasn’t to hurt her feelings or anything like that but she didn’t and still hasn’t answered me. It happened pretty recently so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s still mad.
So, AITJ? I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, I was just making a joke.
I feel really bad about it though since I obviously upset her.
Edit: she’s started talking to me on the server again, but hasn’t answered the private message. I’m assuming that means she’s seen it and forgives me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t intentionally hurt her feelings, and you seem genuinely upset about hurting your friend.
It happens sometimes, one wrong sentence and boom friction in a solid friendship. What you’ve written clearly conveys your dismay, and you might be successful in apologizing if you send a written apology via snail mail.” SciFiChickie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she’s understandably upset because it’s obviously a fresh wound.
You weren’t thinking but it’s not an uncommon banter to come back and you have owned up and apologized. You might just have to make a bit of extra effort until she forgives you.” grouchytortoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I also don’t think she’s blowing it out of proportion.
She’s hurt so it’s natural she got mad at you, but it’s not your fault. Just give her time to calm down, maybe she will reply to your messages eventually.” saatrw_
10. WIBTJ If I Ask My Dad To Pay Me Back?
“I’m a truck driver and my dad is a grocery store manager in a ski resort town about 30 minutes from where we live. Commuting to work means he needs a car to go up the mountain when it snows (this will be important later in the story).
We recently bought a house with my dad as the co-signer. We came to an agreement that we’d split the mortgage payment five ways between me, my parents, two sisters, and my uncle (mom’s brother) that live with us as well. So far this system has worked well, with my sisters sending me their portions of the payment through Zelle and my parents and uncle giving me theirs when I come back home from being on the road.
The problem started when about a month ago when my dad’s car started breaking down on him every other day, forcing him to get a new one. Since he didn’t have enough money, I let him borrow some funds I had saved up to get another one. This also happened around the time that everyone had to start giving me their portions of the mortgage since they take it from my bank account.
Little did I know, my uncle had given my dad his portion of the fund without my dad telling me and my dad used up his and my uncle’s portion of the rent plus what I had let him borrow to get the other car without telling me he was going to do so.
He said he’d pay me back, but I feel betrayed since that money was gonna be used for the mortgage, forcing me to put the rest in along with what I usually put in.
The mortgage payment is coming up again and I possibly won’t have enough. To put the icing on the cake, work has been slow lately, so my checks haven’t been good as they usually are.
If not for that, I’d definitely have enough to make the payment. I feel like I’d be the jerk because growing up Hispanic, we were pretty much raised to respect our parents. The one other time I did ask for them to pay me back on a separate occasion, they called me disrespectful and said it’s rude to ask for back, accusing me of not believing that I’d get paid.
Combined, my dad owes me about 3k (what I let him borrow plus his and my uncle’s portion of the fund).
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might want to come up with a better payment system so everyone is clear on where and to whom the money goes.
Goes without saying your dad has been shady with the funds and lied to you and your uncle (and all others by proxy).
To the ‘disrespect’ point– the example you gave and this situation is not the same. It isn’t a matter of just you not trusting you’ll be paid back eventually, it is that you literally need that money in order for ALL of you to make the upcoming mortgage payment.
‘Someday’ payment isn’t good enough here, there is a literal deadline.” Background-Aioli4709
Another User Comments:
“It’s always weird to me that people accept it when others come out with ‘It’s RUDE for you to call me out on my bad behavior!’
Nope. It’s rude to be a trashy person who steals from their son.
Because that’s what your dad did here. He stole from you. And he’s counting on the ‘respect your parents’ garbage to protect him from the consequences of his own actions.
Here’s the thing: family is the people you can count on no matter what. If they’re stealing from you, you obviously can’t count on them.
Your dad is the problem, not you.
‘BuT wE’rE fAMiLy’ is something only jerks say to get out of trouble.
You’re NTJ.” SuzieQbert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Asking for owed is not disrespectful. Respect goes both ways, your dad isn’t respecting the deal that you all have come to or the fact your credit score will be impacted if the mortgage isn’t paid.
I hope you get this resolved.” Duchess3033
9. AITJ For Snapping Back At My Mom?
“Ever since I was 12, my mother has been a stay-at-home mom, doing her best to keep the house up and running and clean, and most days after school, she would enlist my help because I was still a kid and would willingly help her all the time.
Fast forward to being 17 and licensed, she would always ask me to go to the store and anywhere else she needed to go but didn’t want to get in her car. As I was still technically under her rule, I obliged and started running her errands for her. Sometimes she would come, other times she would just hand me a list and I’d have to call a million times to get the right things.
Fast forward again to today, and my fiancée and I are living in her basement (rent-free) because we don’t make enough to get our own place, but now it feels like my mother is just flat out using me. She doesn’t shop, barely cooks, and calls me all hours of the day and night (regardless if I work or not), and demands I do what she needs to be done.
I have a 17-year-old brother whom she spoils and lets run wild but never expects anything from him, and when she asks, he usually tells her to shut up and leaves to go out with his friends, leaving me to (again) do it instead.
When I say my mother does nothing, here’s what I mean.
If she needs a bill paid, instead of calling the company and paying it, she hands me the bill and her debit card and makes me pay it. I’m the one responsible for making the payments on all of the bills (even her medical insurance). Nobody in my house will do the dishes.
Not her, not my father or brother, and my fiancée is down with severe back pain. Everyone will make dishes and then expect me to clean them, regardless of whether I made any of them or not. We have 7 dogs, if they need to be fed, I need to do it or it doesn’t get done.
Even writing this, I’m sitting in the parking lot of a store because my mother needs some stuff to make dinner and didn’t bother asking my dad to go or getting it herself.
Now, to spite all this, when she’s in a bad mood, she yells about how I don’t do anything for her or the house.
Which I already know is false because I’ve said to her face that without me, the house would fall apart because nobody does anything. I know this has been long, but she also has a friend living with us in a trailer on our property, who (from what I understand) is expected to pay nothing.
Which is none of my business apparently, but today; they called me a jerk because I snapped back at my mother.
After all, I was sleeping off a migraine from work and my mother’s comment was ‘I’ve never met two more sick people in my life, you two are always complaining of some kind of ailments’ to which I replied, ‘can you just cut the nonsense and tell me what I need to do?’ So, anyways, am I the jerk here?
I’ve been doing solid time for 10/11 years and am told that I don’t do anything and that I’m the jerk for feeling how I felt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re in a sticky situation. Obviously, the easiest thing to do would be to move out but I know that’s not always possible because times are tough.
As hard as it might be, I would stop doing things one by one. Stop cleaning up after them, just yourself. Stop paying their bills, just yours. Stop getting their groceries at the store and only get yours etc. You shouldn’t be treated like this by anyone but especially your mother.
I would try to move out ASAP and then go no contact. Sounds like a classic sign of manipulation and abuse.” emilyjean14
Another User Comments:
“I understand that you have not yet found an alternative that you can afford.
Have you considered renting from someone who would offer you a reduced rate in exchange for half of this much help?
You would still be stuck doing the lion’s share but it might be more comfortable without the entitlement and the rudeness. You would also get to watch them crash and burn without you, and maybe that would be the motivation to get some help and get your brother to have to grow up and at least care for his own needs.” latents
8. AITJ For Apologizing After Putting My Friend In An Uncomfortable Situation?
“I (M) have a friend (F) who I’ll refer to as M. Me and M have known each other for a while, but recently we picked up chatting again. She is pretty confusing as a person, and we have had disagreements that I have been as understanding as possible about.
These usually result in a 2-day block or similar, and then we go back to business as usual. I met her in my final year living in her home country, and I moved shortly after to a different country. I recently met up with her when my grandfather passed away, due to the family being in her country, and I personally believe we were on good terms.
After I finished my visit, we were still chatting on Discord a lot, and she usually encouraged me to invite friends to her Discord, which I don’t do. Today, I decided I’ll invite one of my best friends (F), who spoke English, not Ms language. My best friend will be referred to as P.
M has claimed to speak well enough English, and I thought ‘what’s the worse that could happen’. There were a few others in the VC, and we were all chatting in a mix of crappy English and other various languages… Except for M., I tried encouraging her to chat a little, but she did not talk.
The only actual talking she did is complementing P because I and P had our cameras on as we usually do.
I sent M a message, asking why she isn’t talking, and she left shortly after to talk to her best friend on a private call. P and I left to our private discord again, and I shortly after got a message from M.
She said she felt like she was being made fun of by the people in the VC (we weren’t making fun of her), and that she wasn’t happy about it. I quickly wrote up an apology, because I understood what she meant. I put her in an obviously uncomfortable position, which was a crappy move from me, and I completely understood where she was coming from.
She is a pretty shy and out-of-sight person, so maybe putting a spotlight encouraging her to speak a little wasn’t the best move. She waited 30 minutes till she replied ‘act like you don’t know me this is too much.’ I am in a huge state of shock as I wouldn’t expect a reaction like this.
I think this part was a little childish from my end, but the damage was done, and I couldn’t care much more than I should have. I quickly sent her a message saying I didn’t understand, but that I will honor her wishes, and removed any significant mutuals, removed her contact from my phone, and sent her goodnight and removed her.
It may have been irrational, but it just seems most logical. This whole situation seems childish af, and it is in my opinion. The age range of everyone involved is 15-17. Just don’t want to name anyone’s age for privacy reasons
I would like to know from you guys, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you realized what you did make her uncomfortable and sounds like you sincerely apologized. I get being shy and being pushed out of your comfort zone can be scary but you can’t always blame the people around you especially when they realize they’ve messed up.
NTJ.” emilyjean14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled yourself very well and maturely. You apologized and you feel like her reactions are not logical. You are saving yourself from very many headaches. Don’t think you a jerk at all.” Fanciestfancy
7. AITJ For Wanting To Invite Some Friends To My Baby Shower?
“Me (21) and my mom (49) got into an argument over how I wanted my baby shower.
It’s my first baby and baby shower, I don’t know what really goes into making a baby shower. I let my mom do what she thinks is best when it comes to the baby shower. All I asked for was to invite some guys because I have some guy friends and I’d love to share memories with them.
She doesn’t agree because she wants it to only be girls. She said since she’s the one paying for it, I don’t get a say in that. I decided I was going to pay her for what she already paid for 1and I’ll pay the remaining to make it the way I want.
Of course even after I pay for it, I’d still let her do what she wants because I don’t know much about it, I just want some of my guy friends to attend. After this conversation, she hung up on me and about 30 minutes later she calls me back.
She ended up saying something like ‘The baby shower is only going to be for family, no friends, if you want one with friends then you can make one yourself for it.’
This irritated me, so I said, ‘That’s not what I’m saying I was just asking for a couple of guy friends, I kept it within the limit.’
Well, she didn’t really like that and got upset and told me that she was paying for it, once again. I don’t know what to do in this situation, I am trying to give her the to pay for it so she isn’t complaining about her not having that much money.
She also called me spoiled saying that I want the whole world to be given to me, when in reality I’m not even asking for much, I’m letting her do what she wants for everything else. All I’m asking is for a couple of guy friends… so am I the jerk?
Update: she ended up getting my dad (58) involved asking him to talk to me about the situation. He sat both me and my SO (21) down to talk about it. I told him that she doesn’t want any guy to go including my SO and that I didn’t appreciate it. I also mentioned that if families are coming down to see us why would it only be the girls, everyone would come (they live in Michigan we live in Texas.) He took my side and I guess they talked about it because she seems okay with it at this point but I don’t know what changed her mind, I’m just glad she did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make a firm boundary with your mother. Her controlling behavior is concerning and she’s definitely being a jerk. In the meantime, Google ‘baby shower ideas’ or something of the like. I’m a middle-aged childless man and feel 100% confident I could go from having absolutely no idea about a baby shower to planning one if I had to.
Quit making the choice to remain this helpless and uninformed, you are not without resources. It saddens me when reasonable people like you are trampled on.” DankyMcJangles
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your mom should not do this for you if she’s going to impose some rando limits on you.
This isn’t 1971. Many, if not most, showers include guy friends these days. That is super controlling of her.
On the other hand, she’s right, in a way. If she’s hosting it and paying for it, don’t push her out of her comfort zone. She has made it clear that she doesn’t want this to be anything more than a small group of girls getting together.
She may see your vision of a shower as more of a full-blown party. I kind of get that vibe, from what you said here, b/c limits and such also came up in the conversation. I’d find a place to host your own shower, with a friend or something.
I know nobody does this anymore, but it’s proper etiquette that the family doesn’t host the shower. That should fall on a friend anyway.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Tell her you aren’t asking for much, and that you’ve given her free reign in everything else. If she’s not willing to concede, then say, thanks but I think I’ll plan my own.
Unless you are happy having a family only one she pays for, and then doing a friend one yourself, in which case tell her that.
If she’s controlling in general it’s a good idea to start putting some boundaries in place before the baby arrives.” whobenje
6. AITJ For Interrupting A Game To Make Everyone Pick Up Trash?
“This is on my uncle’s (67M) property that’s been in our family since forever. I (26M) come over to help though and so do my siblings. It’s about 10 acres or so of land plus his large house. He’s the one who cleans and keeps up with everything for the most part.
Everyone else in the family takes turns because it really is a lot.
Since he was little, my grandpa let people hang out around the back area. He added benches and outdoor tables. Mostly everyone in the community brings their kids here to play. It’s never been a problem before but now there are so many that come.
And they are such pigs.
On Saturdays, everyone’s there to bring their kids to play soccer. From early mornings til late in the afternoon because different ‘teams’ play one after the other. My uncle who’s usually a sweet guy is even fed up because every Sunday he’s there in the mornings picking up plastic plates, napkins, cups, wrappers, food, just everything.
And he told me when people are there, he asks them to clean up their trash and take everything with them. For months but it’s still been an issue.
Last weekend, one of his poor dogs got sick because some lazy butt left slices of chocolate cake all over the floor and he ate some of it when he let them out to do their business.
So Saturday I was over to help him with his truck. People were already at the park and I watched them from the driveway. Someone was barbecuing, soon as their family was done eating they just tossed the plates to the floor and went back to watching the game.
When I saw another family getting ready to leave, it was obvious they were leaving all their trash behind because their foldable chairs were all they were taking.
So I literally walked right into the middle of the field and called them out right there to pick up their trash. Also, the other family whose kids were still playing. I told everyone they do this every single weekend and my uncle is the one stuck cleaning everything up.
They were all getting mad at me for interrupting the game but I said they need to clean up their trash right now because I’m not moving from the field til they do it.
The other family that was already leaving was the most annoyed for calling them out like that in front of everyone.
I know them too they live several blocks down. The mom and the dad called me a jerk for ruining a kid’s game. Most of the parents were mad obviously for interrupting the game. Some of the families that were waiting for the next games ended up leaving instead. It felt weird making grown people clean up the area while they were telling me nonsense stuff.
One lady asked me if I’m happy creating this drama in front of her daughter.
The reason I’m asking if I’m the jerk is that the kids were the ones who didn’t get to play and the families seemed upset but they’d rather leave than deal with a jerk like me ‘thinking he owns the property’.
I just wanna know if this was the right move to make. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Seems like people are treating this like a public park, and even then, being bad neighbors and leaving trash around. You may have been a bit much, but honestly, if people are regularly leaving their trash and about to skip out on it, they should be called out.
I would recommend that your great uncle, who’s nice enough to let people use this property and enjoy it, sets up a couple of garbage bags going forward. Litterbugs deserve to be called out.” ToxicLogics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would suggest to your uncle that every time these people leave the place trashed, the following weekend the facility is closed. Post a big sign that informs families that the area is closed so that it can be cleaned as it was trashed the previous weekend and that time is required for clean up.
When their free area is closed enough times because of their own actions, some may learn to be more aware of their habits.” BoredNumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there is a soccer league playing on your uncle’s property they definitely need to be paying for the use of that space.
Really anyone using that space should be paying. If people get hurt on his property they can file insurance claims against him. He needs to protect himself with enough insurance to cover the property and what it is being used for. The littering is rude and I agree with you calling about rude people for disgusting behavior.
I am curious if he has considered selling the extra land to the county/city as a public park. He would get the money from the property sale and the local government would take on the liability and sanitation.” iammeallthetime
I just don't understand people not cleaning up after themselves, no matter WHERE they are
5. AITJ For Saying My Cousin Is A Hypocrite?
“Me (17F), my brothers and cousin (Ariana 20F) were at Waffle House parked because we were planning to go to Wawa, most of us in the car doesn’t really enjoy Waffle House, but we thought if we were already there let’s just go and get food.
Then we spotted a nice man walking up to our car to tell us to come in and promised us we’d have good food and service because Ariana said she wanted her food to be nowhere near cold. The man told us if it is cold, we don’t pay… He took our orders and Ariana had an attitude because we.
had just finished skating. She was tired, she had an attitude all day.
The nice young man took her order and she spoke to him in a rude way, he was so nice and welcoming to his customers. Then she saw his nails painted black after he walked out the door to get items to fix our food.
She said he’s ‘SUPER gay’ my other cousin rolled his eyes. I looked at her and said ‘Girl aren’t you gay yourself?’ she looked uncomfortable and surprised she said ‘girl shut up’. My brothers looked at me with shock, one of my brothers asked me why I said that.
My comment wasn’t to be homophobic, I was implying it’s dumb for you to be in the ‘same community’ but call out other people for being gay, and even being homophobic, Ariana doesn’t really speak about her orientation to others because she doesn’t fully embrace her identity, it sorta slipped through my mind she isn’t that comfortable.
I also thought it was okay because she has a vlog on her youtube channel of her with her partner. Maybe I am the jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She has internalized homophobia most likely if she doesn’t fully embrace who she likes, so you calling her out was kinda trashy.
She sucks cause of her attitude. Rule 1 of life: Don’t treat people in the service industry like trash, no matter how bad your day was.” Khunm
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here; she shouldn’t treat the worker harshly and judge by the family’s reactions to what you said it sounds like she’s not out to her family, and since you know she’s questioning, you shouldn’t have made the comment.
I don’t think anyone was homophobic exactly, but I think you both went a bit too far.” BarnacleOdd4587
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She should not have commented, and neither you. Maybe she isn’t gay, but instead is curious and that is why she isn’t comfortable with it.
Just speculation though.” Lemon_Book03
4. AITJ For Creating Drama?
“So a couple of weeks ago my friend (I shall call her Isabel) threw food at one of my other friends (I’m gonna call Olivia) for no reason. I and some others got mad at Isabel since the food was all over Olivia and even in her hair.
One girl who was defending Olivia with us (let’s call her Ava) was telling Isabel how that’s not a cool thing to do to one of her friends. Isabel snarled back, ‘Well she’s my friend too, plus why are you talking to me? I don’t even like you.’ We were all appalled by Isabel’s behavior but not exactly surprised as Isabel is manipulative and always attention-seeking.
Ava is mad but keeps calm as Isabel storms away. I then turn to Ava and we start talking about how we are both so done with Isabel and then I accidentally slip and tell her that Isabel has always talked bad about her.
A little later we see Isabel pouting obviously waiting for an apology.
We all agreed that we would refuse to give her the apology she wants and just not talk to her. Isabel kept ignoring all of us for weeks. I tried talking with her since she is one of my best friends but she says nothing.
It has been about a week and yesterday I was touching up my hair with some dye and was lonely so I tried calling Isabel thinking this was all over.
She doesn’t answer but instead texts me a ‘Yes?’ so I simply tell her that I just want to talk to someone while doing my hair. She continues to say ‘Why did you backstab me?’
At this point, I have dye all over my hands so I ask her to call and talk about what she means.
Apparently, Ava sent her a text telling her that she now knows about Isabel taking bad about her and that she got the info from me and now Isabel doesn’t want to be friends anymore because I ‘sold her out’ and now can’t trust me and that I’m being a jerk.
I am upset with this but I understand and won’t contact her. I am now kinda mad at Ava since she told Isabel about what I said and even included my name and sent the text without even asking me if it’s okay. So AITJ?
Edit: So I know I should have told Ava sooner but Isabel was my best friend and we have the exact same interests so I was terrified to lose her especially since I have never really had friends because of how I dress and where I live.
When I told aAva it was like I snapped and couldn’t keep it in anymore. I have always known I was kind of toxic so make sure to self-reflect on everything I do or try to but at that moment I was so enraged with what Isabel did that I just didn’t think and as I said just snapped but Ava and I are now closer than ever and it’s really nice not having Isabel there anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ. You created unnecessary drama and then tried to call your ‘friend’ because you wanted to talk. I would never speak to you again and you clearly can’t be trusted. You didn’t accidentally let it slip. You made a choice and now have to live with it.
Why even call them to be fake?” Beginning-Sink-5104
3. AITJ For Not Accepting An Apology?
“In high school, I was friends with a small group of people. We all got along fine and I’m not sure where the whole issue began to grow. I was close to one girl in the group to who I told my deepest trauma. She ended up telling everyone that she went through all that and even used details of my issues to sell it.
I was embarrassed and eventually stopped talking to her.
She made accounts on social media to harass me and even went as far as to contact my mother and my abuser. It was horrible. It’s been 2 years since then and I’ve done my best to just forget all of that.
Until she messaged me today on Instagram. She talked about how she missed the old times and that we should meet up. I declined and didn’t really send her much after that. She kept pushing and pushing and it was really starting to annoy me. I just blocked her and went about my day.
She made other accounts and called me a witch and that I’m toxic for doing what I did. I unblocked her main and just started going at it. She ended up making a post about how ‘people gate-keep trauma’. I ended it off by telling her I’m gonna file a restraining order if she keeps at it.
I talked to a friend of mine who knew her back from high school and she told me I was doing too much. That I should’ve left it at blocking her. Maybe I did go too far with spamming her but honestly, I wish I could’ve done more.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s up to you if you want to accept her apology. She’s the one that did the trashy thing and if you don’t want to accept, she will have to deal with it. It’s only been two years and what she did is really trashy.
It’s up to you if you ever want to accept an apology from her but her reaction to your rejection shows she hasn’t changed and doesn’t actually feel bad for what she did.” Mithrellas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but did I miss something? Where in this did she apologize?
What is done is done. You did what you did and can’t undo it. However, holding on to that anger is not going to do you or anyone else any good. Concentrate on letting it go and doing things that make you happy. Don’t let her live rent-free in your head.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I don’t always think before I speak and I did something like this and told someone that a friend of mine was depressed. I apologized and I let them know if they want to be friends again they can come to me, and I will not try and bother them until then.
I was stupid, and I didn’t, and still don’t entirely deserve forgiveness. Her pushing, pestering, and spamming you are NOT okay! She’s not sorry, she doesn’t care. If she keeps bothering you, get that restraining order!” KandyShopp
2. AITJ For Logging Out Of My Streaming Accounts On My Partner's Devices?
“So when the newest Batman movie came out I (22) asked my partner (25) of 3 years if she wanted to go and see it with me.
She said no bc it’s not her thing and she’s not into any kind of action or superhero movies. Today I needed to use her IPad as a laptop for some work I needed to finish up and to my surprise, I see her more than halfway done with the very Batman movie she told me she didn’t want to see.
So I immediately texted her and was just like ‘Wow? You were watching The Batman movie without me? I thought you said you didn’t want to see it?’ Which she replied that she never stopped me from going to see it. I then told her I never said she stopped me, I just wanted to go and see it with her because going to the movies together is kind of our thing.
It was our first date, and we usually just go when we can even if there’s not necessarily something out that we want to see. We just go sometimes. Maybe I’m mistaken and this is more our thing in my head than it is in hers but even still it just kinda hurt me because she told me the reason she ended up watching the movie was for ‘educational purposes to have an unbiased opinion’ and when I asked if she meant like was she settling a debate for someone she was just very vague and was like ‘something like that.’ There were then other excuses as to why she didn’t watch it with me I and I was just like ‘whatever, you’re fake’ and then she simply replied ‘I am.’ So I then took it upon myself out of emotion and sort of feeling rejected to log out of all of my accounts on her device.
AITJ?
To make it more clear on how I felt too; It was like it kind of felt like hey let’s get pizza together? And then she’s like I don’t like pizza I will never eat pizza. And then I hop on social media and she’s at a pizza party living it up, and then upset with me that I feel a way that she’s at the pizza party, and when I ask her ‘Hey I thought you didn’t like pizza,’ she gets an attitude and brushes me off.
Note: I think some info I need to add is that; We live together. We watch good movies, bad movies, movies she likes and I hate and vice versa all the time. At home or the theater. The problem isn’t that she didn’t physically want to go to the theater during the initial release.
It was after making the decision that she did want to watch it, no matter the reason. Why couldn’t she simply include me too? Which makes me feel like she’s the jerk. She also invalidates my feelings as to why this kinda hurt my feelings a little bit which is what initially made me like well then screw you I’m going to log my accounts out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get it. You were hurt. If she decided later that she was interested in watching it, why not inform you so you can watch it together? That’s what couples do and she knew you wanted to watch it w/her. Her explanations were vague which made you feel hurt even more.
Plus it’s your streaming account. I wouldn’t have touched her stuff though. I would have changed the password until you two had a conversation about the whole thing.” DearGabbyAbby
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That movie was over three hours and I fell asleep in the theater I fell asleep watching it on HBO twice still have not gotten through it.
It’s possible that she didn’t want to be stared at the whole time while you’re watching her for her reaction.” iwastobeasloth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She knew you wanted to watch it with you, lied about not wanting to see it, then turned around & watched it behind your back.
What the heck? Why are so many people saying that YTJ? If she was upfront and said she wanted to watch it slowly and not in the theaters or on her own it would have been one thing, but she LIED about it and didn’t even give a very good response when confronted about it.
Is this a one-time thing or does she always do things like that? Do you feel loved in your relationship?” lagrienz0
Another User Comments:
“God, yes, YTJ. Watching movies is your thing so she can’t watch them without you? She’s not allowed to change her mind about what she wants to watch in her free time?
Don’t worry – when you’re single because of stupid, petty arguments, you’ll have plenty of time to watch movies by yourself.” DocMeow3
1. AITJ For Being Threatened About Being Replaces As A Maid-Of-Honor?
“I’m the maid of honor at my sister’s wedding therefore I am in charge of the bridal shower and the bachelorette party.
Last month I put a deposit on a venue I found that is perfect for a bridal shower. I was keeping it a secret as I wanted to surprise her. I had already spoken to the sister-in-law when we were looking at venues for the reception and wedding and let her know how excited I was to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party and that I would be getting with her to talk about decorations and games etc…
One week ago, I asked for my sister’s soon-to-be SIL (we’ll call her P) phone number as I wanted to discuss the bridal shower with her. Two days ago I receive a text message from P saying, ‘Hey it’s P I found a theme for the bridal shower that K likes so I started getting stuff for it and I found a place to do it at!
K decided on the shower date I’ll send you the inspiration pictures’. She also went to the mother of the bride and the MIL and asked if they would like to assist her in helping plan the bridal shower… The place that P found is 5 times the price of the place I put the deposit on.
Now when I text P that I would get ahold of her about this later because I was pretty fudging upset at the moment my sister messaged me flipping out saying that P isn’t doing anything malicious. She is just TRYING TO HELP! And that I should be grateful that she is including all the mothers to help pay for and plan the bridal shower and that I’m ridiculous for being mad at P.
When I explain to her that I already found a venue and put a deposit on it she said this… ‘The main thing that was missing in this whole mess was communication. I feel that if someone (anyone doesn’t matter who) told us about your ideas/plans then we could have avoided all of this.
Also with that being said, I get that you wanted to do this for me but I think that it is great that everyone is willing to help. That to me is amazing that everyone wants to pitch in and not leave everything up to one person to do. No one was trying to take anything from you or your plans or trying to make you feel unwanted/left out’.
Keep in mind the wedding isn’t until April 2023 so almost an entire year away most people don’t start planning the bridal shower for 6 months before the actual date and normally the bridal shower is scheduled 2-8 weeks before the wedding.
P decided we should do this 5 months before the wedding and never once reached out to me before deciding she was going to plan this with the help of all of the moms… I reached out to the venue and thank goodness they are refunding my deposit.
But yes I’m furious that instead of asking me what I was doing with the bridal shower she decided she was going to do it herself and now has made the whole affair way more expensive than I could have ever afforded. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who has planned multiple showers etc, she is stepping on your toes a bit. Especially with it being a year out. And honestly, her getting the moms involved is a tad manipulative to make it seem like everyone is against you. How about you just have a pleasant phone call with everyone to decide what will happen?
Your sister could be giving in to her new family a tad too much as well.
But yea while you could have communicated she shouldn’t have excluded you.
NTJ.” princessofperky
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I flirted with everyone who sucks here, but ultimately you’re being petty about the whole thing.
It’s pretty common for another family/bridal party to want to contribute to the shower and bachelorette. In this case, you can’t personally afford a big party so you should have been soliciting help and input.
I think some momentary annoyance about the venue is in order – but it should have been just that, momentary and fleeting.
You ultimately dropped the ball a bit on communication — and you’re making too many assumptions about timing and cost.
You need to lighten up and not make this about yourself – keep the focus on the bride and be grateful you have other people who are trying to help.” jmgolden33
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The problem is not just that you failed to communicate, it’s that you all failed to communicate. You didn’t tell anyone before booking a venue, your sister didn’t tell you that she wanted all of you to be involved in planning things, and P didn’t reach out to you to include you in planning things with her/the mothers.” photosbeersandteach
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