People Want To Know What's True In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Hide Sugar From Me Due To My Diabetes?
“I’m a type 2 diabetic with very little willpower. Now we have a jar of sugar in the kitchen for sprinkling on cereal or fruit or whatever. When it’s full I lose self-control and eat copious amounts on my breakfast, so I’ve asked my wife to hide any sugar from me in a cupboard so I can’t see it.
Out of sight, out of mind.
She’s complaining, saying it’s not fair she can’t have it out on display, saying I should simply control myself. I’m not asking her to go without, just hide it from me for the sake of my diabetes. Am I wrong?
Am I being unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m willing to bet she’s fed up with years of non-compliance and doesn’t feel like playing mommy to a grown man. You have a medical condition from which not monitoring your sugar intake could be fatal, but you are unable to stop yourself from dumping heaps of sugar on your cereal?
It’s probably not about the container and where it ends up – you’re telling your partner in life that you are so unable to control yourself that she should change. After years of watching my diabetic husband disregard his medical advice, I’d be fed up too and probably have an attitude.
YTJ. Rookie mistake!” Crowni84
Another User Comments:
“You need to step up for yourself. YOU need to build your willpower up and take responsibility for your health as well (sure, your wife could be more supportive, but I suspect you will just look in the cupboards until you find it, right?) Get similar jars, and make one salt, one mixed with sugar and salt, see what else you can think up.
So when you give in, you will be “punished” for it by a yucky taste. Also, consider therapy. You can learn all sorts of tricks and strategies for how to cope with your cravings and how to build your willpower for your own good.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – only because you clearly need help. Have you talked with your PCP about counseling or referral to a dietician? I’m hypoglycemic, while my husband is a Type 2 Diabetic. This is an area we have struggled with for years, since he was first diagnosed with T2D.
Firstly, you have to recognize that your diet is not your wife’s responsibility. While I am inclined to agree that keeping the sugar in the cupboard shouldn’t be such an issue, I question if this isn’t the just the most recent request in a long history of requests regarding OP’s dietary needs.
There are several times over the years my husband has unintentionally put the responsibility of his dietary issues (for lack of a better term?) onto me. I can say from experience that it DOES NOT matter if she puts the sugar in the cupboard, hidden in a closet or even just on the counter.
OP WILL track it down. While I don’t know your relationship, your post triggers a lot of the same experiences I’ve dealt with. I might get voted down, but you are placing the responsibility onto your wife and I have no doubt this isn’t the first time this has come up.
There is no winning for her – other comments are correct. At what point do you address your issues and seek help, taking responsibility for yourself before you put your spouse in a position of never being able to win? Get help and ask your wife to participate to understand WHY you struggle with this.
Good luck; there is no easy answer for either of you. All food I shop for is to his dietary requests/needs. This includes no carb, low sugar meal planning. I don’t keep snacks in the house (barring social events) except specific nuts every couple of weeks per his request. I often end up hiding food in my car or other areas of the house that I do not disclose, so he doesn’t even know to try and track them down.” Artistic-Wedding-988
21. AITJ For Telling My Mom That My Waitressing Job Is Harder Than Her Old Job?
“I am a teenager, F, and I’m a waitress at a senior home. My mom who is in her late 40s worked at a Chinese restaurant when she was a little older than me, and she’d answer phones and put the takeout in boxes.
Whenever I tell my mom about carrying giant heavy trays, spilling broth on myself, not sitting down once for 6 hours, and getting yelled at by customers, she always compares it to her old job and says that hers was harder. My mom has never had any other food service type of job besides this one.
The first few times it was whatever, but now it’s really getting on my nerves. I told my mom that my job is way harder than hers was and that they don’t compare.
She said I shouldn’t complain because I don’t pay taxes.
In fact, I do. She also told me that I’m being bratty and insensitive, which is why I might be the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s doing classic ‘in my day/you young people/when I was your age.’ It gets instilled in parents about the time their first child enters puberty like a Windows update.
Neither of you knows exactly what the other’s job was like – though your mother didn’t have to listen to you complain about how easy her job was when she was doing it. Logically impossible, unless you’ve got a time machine, but still. You’re not the jerk – she didn’t need to dump on you, she kept on poking you until you reacted, and you have a valid point.
Unfortunately, not being the jerk doesn’t help. You and your nerves may need to put up with it for a while.” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you can’t compete with the “walked in the snow uphill both ways to school” line of thinking.
Food service is more grueling than it needs to be, and I would argue it has gotten much worse over time as social politeness norms have been kicked to the curb. She isn’t going to change how she remembers her past though, so it might be a good idea to not talk about it with her or just give her as little as possible to engage with, saving conversations for your friends instead.
She might say you are bratty and insensitive, but you both are showing the same competitive “who has/had it worse” back-and-forth that is just a waste of energy for everyone. She could be a better role model in this situation, but that isn’t going to happen.” Steel_Rail_Blues
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your mom is wrong to say you don’t pay taxes and therefore can’t complain. First off, because you DO pay taxes, as those should be coming straight out of your paycheck. Secondly, everyone has a right to vent/complain, as long as they are not making everyone around them miserable.
That being said though, you also suck. You say that she has no idea how hard your job is. Well, by that same token, you have no idea how hard her job was. For all you know, it very well may have been a lot harder than your job currently is.
You don’t know for sure. So if you are going to tell her that she can’t compare her job to yours, you need to stop trying to compare your job to hers. The fact of the matter is, that times have changed between then and now, and you do not know if the most modern technology has made it harder or easier.
Remember that you and your mother are not the same person. What may have been hard for her may be easy for you and vice versa.
Also, has it occurred to you to ask her WHY she keeps saying she had it tough? Maybe she is trying to commiserate because she thinks it will make you feel better to know you aren’t the only one that has/had it rough.
Maybe she is trying (mistakenly) to bolster your spirits by getting you to realize that it could be worse (which it very well could be). She may think she is helping when that is not what you feel she is doing. So stop trying to play the one-up game and instead talk to your mother.
Tell her that you need to be able to vent, and just want her to lend you an ear without constantly bringing up how hard she had it. That you understand that she also had it hard at that age, and if anything, that is all the more reason she should understand that you need to vent without constantly being judged or being told that you have it easier compared to what other people have had it, including her.
But also try to be open to hearing SOME of HER stories as maybe you could learn from them and bond over similar experiences. If both of you compromise and give a little, I am sure you will find your experiences have more in common with each other than either of you realizes.” SayerSong
20. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Complaining About Her Stepchildren Not Bonding With Her Biological Children?
“My sister and her current husband were a widow and a widower who each had kids when they met. My sister lost her first husband/the father of her kids a year before and her kids were 8, 7 and 6 years old.
Her husband had lost his first wife in a similar timeframe, I believe, and his kids were 7 and 5. They got married after a little less than two years of seeing each other and when they got married, it was acknowledged that both the kids were not on board with the idea and were not all that interested in being a sibling group.
Over the years, my sister and her husband have complained about the very clear distance between her kids and his kids. They really didn’t interact with the steps and chose to stay in their own sibling group. None of the five kids ever used the term “our family” or “our parents” when talking about my sister and her husband OR the family as a whole unit.
They did family therapy, lots of bonding activities, and lots of time where they switched kids up and tried to break up the bio groups to push some bonding. It didn’t work. So my sister and her husband complained, and they complained, and they complained some more.
It was always about how the kids were so young, they should have all become one sibling unit, and how step shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as it was for them. Or how they dreamed of being the family that adopted each other’s kids and step never being a thing.
They wanted the dream. It was so unfair that things weren’t working. The kids were being so stubborn about it.
All but one of the kids are now 18 or older, and the complaints are still a regular thing. I have asked before if they considered being happy that the kids don’t hate each other and try to kill each other.
That the kids never turned to their bio parent and said it’s them or us. To accept that this is their reality. That it sucks it’s not what they wanted but sometimes it just doesn’t work. They always close their ears off to it. Family and friends have said how exhausting they can be.
My sister was saying a few days ago that the youngest (her stepkid) got their appendix out and only wanted their bio sibling, not her kids, and how her kids had all done a sibling trip without the steps, and how she couldn’t believe at their ages no bond had formed after all those years and how they were like strangers.
I told her to stop complaining. She said she wasn’t. I told her she was. That people were tired of her and her husband complaining about the same thing on a regular basis. She got mad at me, left, then called and said nobody else was tired, she had asked. Then I heard from the people she asked and they said they told her they were just as tired of it.
She said as her sister and part of the family, I should never be tired of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and those kids weren’t all that young when the adults decided to marry. Her kids had 8, 7, and 6 years with their father… and his kids had 7 and 5 years with their mother.
A year later, they start seeing each other and expect the kids to just accept that, and accept each other, like they didn’t all lose somebody very important to them. Both of the adults seem selfish and weird. Kids need time to adjust. You can’t just shove them all together and expect them to get along.
Plus, they’re all grown now. What they do and who they do it with is literally their decision. Your sister needs to focus on herself and leave those darn ADULTS alone.” Melodic-Advice9930
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They barely gave their kids time to grieve then got married. The kids warned them.
Maybe they should have listened. I had a family member who complained nonstop about their issues. It was annoying. Thankfully, she changed her life and doesn’t do that anymore. It’s hard not saying anything.” SuccotashTimely9764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, on the whole you did your sister a service because her constant complaining about the same thing has surely caused people to distance themselves from her.
If she stops complaining, she might have closer relationships. However, she didn’t ask for your advice, so it wasn’t actually your place to give advice. And she clearly wasn’t ready to hear this because she even lied about other people’s responses to the question of being tired of her complaining.
As to her assertion that because you’re her sister, you should never get tired of hearing it: that’s nonsense. It’s not as extreme as someone saying that because they’re your spouse, you shouldn’t be bothered by their abuse, but it’s the same principle: you get to decide what you will and will not tolerate.
And that’s where you could have drawn the line more gracefully. You can’t tell your sister she has to stop complaining about her failed Brady Bunch, but you can decide not to listen. If she brings it up on the phone, say firmly that you must hang up, and do it before she can object.
If it’s in person, move to another room, or get in your car and leave. Tell her ahead of time that this is what you’ll do. That’s only fair.
Also, she will want to know why, and you can tell her as much or as little as you want.
No matter how much you decide to explain yourself, be ready for her to try to argue. Plan a “broken record” to play until she gets the message that you won’t explain any more. Or end the entire conversation. Or use email, so you can be really clear and not be interrupted. Telling your sister that you were unwilling to listen to her talk about her children and step-children’s relationships anymore would have been the more graceful way to handle the situation you described, because it relates only to your boundaries, which you can set at any time.
You would have been on absolutely solid ground to defend your actions in that case. However, I think the result would have been the same. And I can see how you were too frustrated in the moment to think of it. Maybe apologize for the unsolicited advice, and also tell her that you personally are not willing to listen to her talk about that situation anymore.” GAB104
19. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Looks Pregnant After She Kept Calling Me Fat?
“For the past two days, my mom (F39) has been calling me (F17) a fatty and has my cousin (M5) calling me it too.
I am a very small person (4’8) and only weigh a little less than 85 pounds. I have struggled with my weight for a while due to medical conditions, making it hard for me to gain and keep weight.
My mom has had two kids and lives a very unhealthy lifestyle. She’s not in the best shape and has a very round stomach. I have had friends ask if she’s pregnant after seeing her.
I don’t know why her calling me this upsets me as much as it does.
I know I’m not fat, but it still hurts.
Earlier today, I was playing around with my cousin and he called me a fatty again. My mom started laughing and encouraged him to say it more. I awkwardly laughed and went on playing with him a little more.
When I left to go to my room, my mom made a comment about me ‘lazing around and being a fatty all day.’ I turned to her and said something along the lines of ‘at least I don’t look like I’m pregnant for a third time.’
She grounded me and told me not to leave my room.
I know I wasn’t in the right, but I don’t think it was unjustified.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally, you would never comment about someone being pregnant unless you knew for a fact they were, but OMG – your mom asked for that!!!
If she ever lets you come out of your room and is able to calm down, you might let her know that her calling you names and encouraging others to call you names feels about as good as it did to her after you told her she looked like she was pregnant for the 3rd time.” SmartFX2001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it bothers you so much because she means for it to. If someone who is meant to care for me calls me an insult, I’m going to be insulted even if I don’t think it applies or wouldn’t find it insulting in another context.
I’d be upset because they clearly only said it to hurt me.” Massive-Emergency-42
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She sounds incredibly abusive, and I hope you can get out of that situation as soon as possible. That said, you were a jerk too when you called her fat.
If she’s projecting her body image issues on you, then reinforcing those body image issues won’t help her OR you. If you start imitating her bad behavior, you run the risk of adopting her toxic coping strategies and hurting other people the way she hurts you.
(I’m speaking from experience as someone who was raised by parents who project their flaws onto me).” Fried-Fritters
18. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece Who Bullied My Son?
“My (34F) sister Anna (30F) and I used to be extremely close, especially since we had kids that were around the same age, and always assumed that they would get along, which they did, for a while. When my son Toby (12M) was between the ages of 5 and 8, it came out that my niece Abby (10F) had been teasing and bullying him more or less.
The bullying was a very childish type, not really done with the understanding of consequences, but it still made Toby very insecure about certain parts of himself, notably his hair, which is very curly.
After a few times of Abby being scolded by Anna and still continuing with this behaviour, I decided to stop making Toby spend time with her.
This did dampen my relationship with Anna a bit, but it was for my son.
Recently, Anna and her husband announced they were going on a lovers’ vacation without Abby. She came to me explicitly to ask me to watch Anna, which I said I would think about it.
I asked Toby for his opinion and he said no, I asked him why and he said that “she’ll just bully me again”.
I’m not sure if this is true, if Abby has matured or not, but either way, I’m not gonna cause my son unnecessary discomfort.
I texted my brother (Josh) to see if he was okay with taking her, and he replied yes since he never really gets time with her. I then texted Anna to tell her that I wouldn’t take Abby, but Josh would be fine to.
She replied in short that she didn’t want to leave Abby with Josh since Josh didn’t have kids and therefore couldn’t be trusted to do things right.
I’ve left Toby with Josh before, he’s a pretty good babysitter. I told Anna that I wouldn’t be taking Abby and my reason for why, and that she could either hire an actual babysitter or give her to Josh.
She told me I was childish for holding onto that, that it’d been years, and I was ruining any chance of them reconciling.
I stood my ground, got a few more texts asking over the next few days and have since gotten the silent treatment.
I hear from Josh that they hired a babysitter, but I wouldn’t know myself since Anna hasn’t spoken to me at all.
Am I the jerk here?
Should I have just taken Abby? Guess I’m just wanting some second opinions here.
Add on that I forgot to mention; I am a single mother, and Toby’s father is not in the picture.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your sister wants her daughter to be given a chance you should be allowed to briefly meet her and see if she really had matured or not, not suddenly drop her with no way out for a whole week But you need to explain to your son that she was young and is still in the process of learning and being disciplined. He’s never gonna grow if he never learns forgiveness, especially towards a person who changed. So, later, when the time is right and he’s ready, let them meet again and see if things work out.” acool_username
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When your sister asked why you wouldn’t take Anna, you were honest and explained that Toby was uncomfortable with it. At that point, she had the opportunity to apologize for Anna’s past bullying, assure you that Anna has matured and wouldn’t bully Toby again, and also have Anna herself speak to you and/or Toby to tell you guys she wouldn’t bully Toby.
Your sister didn’t do any of that, just got angry at you and blamed it on you that the cousins may not reconcile. That’s ridiculous. She’s the parent of the bully. Her kid’s bullying caused the rift between the cousins. So she is responsible for trying to make things right IF she was going to ask you to watch Anna (the bully) for a week in your home with your son.
She didn’t, so she’s the jerk. I do hope you guys can find a way to get Anna and Toby to become friends, as it would be really sad to have them dislike each other or have no relationship over some childhood bullying that in the grand scheme of life shouldn’t cause a lifelong rift. But here it’s not your responsibility to fix the rift in the context of your sister wanting you to watch Anna for a week, when your sister offered no assurances that Anna wouldn’t continue to bully Toby.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re protecting your son. Yes it would be good to let them spend time together to see if Abby has matured, but it’s unfair to do it over an extended amount of time where your son can’t escape. A family gathering would be a better time to see if Abby has matured. Rather than having Abby round yours and your son has to put up with the bullying for a week or so, can’t escape, and you have to scold/tell off your niece.
Your sister’s comment about your brother is also incredibly insensitive. Whilst I understand he hasn’t got children of his own to ‘prove’ he is capable, to say he can’t do things correctly is rather hypocritical when she raised a child that bullies…did she raise/look after a child correctly!?” Extreme-Mushroom2470
17. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Pregnant Sister To Stop Involving Me In Her Pregnancy?
“I (20 female) have worked with kids and have assisted in multiple pregnancies and births as I have always loved kids.
I started working in child care at 14 and then at 18 started assisting mothers-to-be with their pregnancies as well as their births. Being a mother has always been one of my biggest dreams.
So about 4 months ago, I found out I won’t be able to have kids, and it has been weighing on me a lot.
A month after I found this out, my partner’s sister came to me crying about her being pregnant. After the initial shock and talking to her about her options, she has decided to keep it. She knows nothing about pregnancy or kids and for the last 2 months has been asking me questions nonstop asking me to go to doctors appointments with her as well and just talking to me about it all the time.
As I am still grieving my own loss of not being able to have kids and experience pregnancy, I have taken time off work and have asked her to stop asking me questions and relating me into the pregnancy.
Well, it’s been about a month and she has not stopped and it is causing me to go into a spiral of my own emotions.
I finally blew up on her, saying that I didn’t want anything to do with her or her pregnancy and that if she has questions she could look it up on Google. She started crying and saying that I don’t care about her or her pregnancy at all, and it has started up major fights between my partner and me because they are super excited to be an aunt and I have asked her not to speak about the pregnancy to me either.
So am I the jerk and did I let my own issues and emotions interfere with my relationships?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So sorry for your diagnosis; definitely get a second opinion if you haven’t already. There are many women in my pregnancy group who were told they most likely would never have children and are now pregnant from a new relationship.
Your partner and partner’s sister are being insensitive. I hope you’ve told them point blank that you can’t have children of your own, and that was your dream. They aren’t mind readers, so it does need to be spelled out. I would definitely tell your partner’s sister that while you are happy for her, you are currently mourning your own loss that will always be reminded by this pregnancy, and that you need to work on yourself.
Her rubbing her pregnancy in your face when she can easily go read a book is truly tone deaf.” RainbowSparklePie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she know why you’ve asked her to stop? She’s being horribly insensitive, and if she or anyone else doesn’t understand why you’d not want to have to talk about these things, then it’s time to go LC for a while until you get your head sorted. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP.
I do think you should seek therapy if you haven’t already because I mean, realistically, you’re going to be around pregnant people at some point, and you don’t want any unresolved issues to potentially spill over onto the product of said pregnancies (the babies).
Not that I think you would! But therapy sounds like a good idea to me.” thatshygal717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry you are grieving your loss. You have communicated to both of them repeatedly how you are feeling and have set perfectly reasonable boundaries.
My sister-in-law never once asked me to go to the OBGYN with her, it honestly feels really awkward to me and we get along fine. If she wants someone to go with her, why isn’t she asking her sister? Why does it HAVE to be you?
Does she know no one else who has any experience with kids or pregnancies? What about her mom? You are not a handful encyclopedia of birth information, you are a human being who is hurting and it seems these two don’t seem all that concerned. Perhaps your partner isn’t the right fit, they’re clearly overstepping boundaries by encouraging their sister’s behavior.” jadethebard
16. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Dad Money Again?
“A couple of months ago, my dad had to borrow money from me to pay his bills. I didn’t and still don’t have a job because I’m under 14, so I have no way of making that money back until Christmas (when my grandad gives me a few hundred pounds as a gift).
I let him borrow it, but about two weeks ago, he needed money again. His friends are in debt to other people, my younger brother is 10 and flat broke, my older brother is deceased. My mum refused because they never married and broke up when I was 5, his parents are deceased, his siblings and extended family refused because they either couldn’t afford it or just didn’t want to, so I’m the only person he can borrow the money from.
I have the money and can give it to him, but I said no. I’m barely a teenager, so I have no income, and he still hasn’t fully paid me back. He hasn’t managed to pay his bills or his rent, and now I don’t know whether to lend him money or not.”
Another User Comments:
“At your age, this is not a problem you should have to be dealing with. Your dad has absolutely no business whatsoever asking his minor son for money. Period. Open a bank account and keep your money there safe. Do not under any circumstances lend more money to your Dad.
You almost certainly will never see it again if you do. Hard NTJ.” A-Purple-Lagoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a kid. Your dad’s money problems are not yours to solve… And he hasn’t repaid your Christmas money from before. I’m really sorry that you’re in this position.
Is there any chance you can talk with your mom or grandparents about what is going on… Because this is something they should know about.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your job to meet the rent and bills, he is the adult so it’s his problem.
Once he has taken all your money, who then will be asked for it next? By your denying him, he then has to face up to problems sooner rather than later. Is it worth telling your grandad what is going on and asking him to look after your money?
Parents like this seem to set you up to fail before you get into the world because you won’t have any savings left to get started.” General-Buy-8191
15. AITJ For Only Bringing Food For My Brother And Not His Friend?
“I work at a restaurant and I get one meal for free per shift.
Saturday, I went by my brother’s house after work. I know he likes the food where I work so I got him some and took it with me.
His friend was over when I got there and said, “hey where’s mine?” when I gave my brother his food.
I hate people asking that, even as a “joke”. Because I don’t think I should have to get food for everyone just because I get something for a friend or family member. Especially if the person asking is someone I hardly know.
Sure, the extra cost would be annoying, but I’m not DoorDash either and keeping track of everyone’s orders.
I’m sure other people would start to feel entitled to my free meal/discount. Which I don’t feel like dealing with either.
I said, “oh, uh back and at the restaurant. They’re still open. You can go buy something.”
His friend said, “well when you bring food for one person, you’re supposed to at least offer to get something to everyone; it’s rude to exclude people.
”
I just ignored him because I felt like he expected me to offer to get him food or something.
It’s not like my brother was eating it in front of him; he stuck it in his fridge. But this isn’t the first time someone has said something like “where’s mine?” So maybe I am doing something wrong.
AITJ for only bringing food for one person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. IMO the person who is asking is rude unless it is clearly a joke (which I agree would get old quickly). It would be different if your brother reached out to ask if you would mind bringing food that HE would order and pay for as you were coming over and you agreed to do it.
I personally think your response was spot on. As this was your brother’s friend you could have possibly told him to ask your brother. Otherwise, I think ignoring the follow-up comment as you did was the best. No point in wasting breath on it.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You went to your brother’s & happened to toss some food at him to eat later. This wasn’t a planned dinner, you don’t mention calling asking “hey what do you want & does anyone else want anything?”- not a party nor a potluck.
You gave the right answer & have no obligation to bring food for some random. If he really wanted something, he should have been asking your brother to split what you gave him, not bugging you.” jetgirljen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You dropped by your brother’s with food.
Just because he has a friend over doesn’t make said friend entitled to food. If he wanted something, you told him where to get it and that they were still open. I also hate when people do this, it’s rude to assume someone else will pay for you.
If I wanted something personally, I’d ask you (or said person who brings it over) if they can bring something for me too and I’d pay them. Never would I expect anything for free unless the host specifically offers to share what you brought over, but in this case, your brother didn’t.” MsLollister
14. AITJ For Going To My Friend's Sleepover Instead Of Staying Home With My Cousins?
“My (14F) best friend’s birthday was yesterday, and I stayed the night at her house. We went to a trampoline park and then to a restaurant which had been booked in advance to the day.
My younger cousins (8F, 5M) had to stay at mine last night as their parents were both working.
We got the news around two days beforehand, so everything was planned out by then. I didn’t think too much about it because I’d be there to greet them and say bye as they left.
When my cousins found out I was leaving, they both got upset as they wanted to see me, but I hugged them both goodbye and then left. Apparently that night, my female cousin didn’t sleep well as she was scared without me in the room we share when they are over.
When I got back, my aunt was there to pick them up. She said I was disrespectful by leaving my cousins and being a bad role model. She asked me if I’d do that to my future husband and kids. I’m lesbian but not out to my family yet so she has nothing to worry about.
She was passive-aggressive to me all morning and didn’t say bye when she left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I don’t know why she thinks you’re a bad role model. You kept your commitment to plans, prioritized friendship, and had fun doing something you enjoy.
I have 0 idea what she meant about husband and kids because I’m married with children and both my husband and I still have friends and if my best friend had a slumber party and trampoline park for her birthday, he would fully support me going and having fun haha.
Your cousins are much younger too, so it’s not even like they’re your age (not that it would change my answer), and you could have all hung out.” Worried_Aerie_7512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your aunt, or anyone for that matter, shouldn’t expect you to drop all your plans because they needed a babysitter almost last minute.
I suggest you set that boundary pretty soon since your aunt already seems to think watching her kids should be your number one priority.” pyretta-blazeit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you had these plans for a while with a good friend. I would never expect my 14-year-old child or niece to cancel all plans to hang out with 8 and 5-year-old cousins.
Sounds like your aunt was looking for free babysitting/entertainment for her kids. Also, it’s super weird that she brought your “future husband and kids” into the conversation, especially with a 14-year-old. Is she part of some crazy misogynistic religion? I would talk to your parents about this because they need to tell her to back off.” Used_Mark_7911
13. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Go Out With My Wife And Sister-In-Law, Ruining My Daughter's Slumber Party?
“My wife and I have been together for 10 years and throughout that time, her older sister has always been pretty lousy.
She is 9 years older than my wife and helped raise her, so she thinks she still has some control over her life.
On to the question at hand. My oldest daughter’s birthday is tomorrow and family came to visit for it. My daughter had planned a “girls’ slumber party” for her, my wife, my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law for the night before her birthday.
Today rolls around, and my wife’s sister decides she wants to check out bars in the large city we live about 30 minutes from. I say that our daughter has been planning this slumber party for literally a month. My wife’s sister says that she talked to my daughter, and it’s all okay.
I talked with my daughter and she is annoyed but said yeah she said it was okay until I told her what time we are leaving, which is around 8:45. My sister-in-law apparently told her we were leaving at 10, and now my daughter is upset. My wife doesn’t like saying no to her sister, and I feel like she is instilling this idea of “if sister-in-law ain’t happy, nobody is happy,” and I just don’t think that’s okay.
This is an occurrence almost every time she visits. My middle kid had a wheat allergy when he was younger (FPIES for those that know, he would violently throw up if he ate anything with wheat in it). The last time she visited she insisted we go to a pizza place because it was vegan and we asked if they had gluten-free options and she said they did.
Come to find out they don’t, and so we had to go find our son something different and bring it with us because she couldn’t be bothered to not go to the restaurant she wanted to.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your wife is.
She is ditching her own daughter’s slumber party to go out with her sister. Your wife is a lousy mom. Your daughter will never forget this, that she got dumped by her own mother. She had no choice to say, you’re awful mom for doing this, because she doesn’t want to get in trouble for expressing her true feelings.
What was she supposed to say to her own mother??? Please don’t go?? Daughters shouldn’t have to say that… I would suggest that you and your daughter do something special so that your daughter knows that you put her first.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but SIL is! And you have a wife problem. Y’all need to stop enabling her. You don’t enforce any boundaries, so why would she stop abusing them? Stop inviting her to participate or invite her but if she won’t participate in the planned activities, then she can leave.
Your wife needs to stand up for herself and run her life instead of letting her sister run it for her! She will survive her sister’s major temper tantrum.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife needs to grow a backbone and prioritize her daughter.
Her daughter should come first, not her sister mother figure. Your SIL needs to get lost. Don’t indulge her an inch. Show your wife the replies here. It may open her eyes. When you grow up under certain conditions, they become normalized and you think that’s how everyone lives.” polarbearhero
12. AITJ For Ruining A Lifelong Bromance Over Unrequited Love?
“I (27F) am friends with the sweetest guy ever, Logan (31M). We met through his childhood BFF Zack (31M), not long after Zack tried to romance me. Zack confessed his undying love minutes into our first meeting, and I was like, “Let’s get to know each other first, Romeo.”
After a few weeks, I told Zack, “Hey, this isn’t working. You’re great, but we want different things.” Translation: “I’m not into you.” I even gave him the “choose your own adventure” option: move on or stay friends. Zack chose door number two, friendship, but his version involved bringing up his feelings every few months like an unwanted sequel.
For TWO YEARS, Zack kept trying to wear me down. He’d drop the “I need to talk” bomb, pour his heart out, get rejected, then throw a tantrum like I’d stolen his Pokémon cards. My feelings were background noise in Zack’s personal rom-com, and he was the only one who didn’t realize it was a flop.
Even mutual friends tried to stage an intervention, but Zack was committed to his delusion.
Meanwhile, Logan and I thrived as platonic besties. He is my most beloved friend and I am his. I finally told him about Zack’s antics, hoping he’d save me from the endless love confessions.
Logan was livid—not at me per se, but at Zack for being Zack and at me for being too nice about it. Logan initially wanted to handle it himself, but we decided I should confront Zack myself. To my surprise, Zack backed off.
Fast forward a year, and Zack reemerges, claiming I led him on, wasn’t honest, and “disrespected his feelings.” I literally said, “This isn’t going to work.
Let’s end this before feelings get hurt.” Zack heard, “Try harder.”
Then, Zack started treating me like trash in front of mutual friends. I was subjected to all sorts of passive-aggressive disrespect and borderline bullying, but Logan hadn’t seen it firsthand. One day, Zack invites himself over while Logan and I are hanging out.
Logan notices my “Zack’s-coming-over-again?” face, and I spill the beans about Zack’s behavior after he insists. Logan doesn’t react… yet. When Zack shows up, Logan calls it a night and escorts me out.
A week later, I hear through a mutual friend that Logan exploded on Zack, potentially ruining their 28-year bromance.
Zack’s reaction? Fury. He insists I “came between them” and calls me an “outsider,” like this is some weird best-friend cult I infiltrated.
Neither has contacted me since. One friend says it’s my fault and I should’ve stayed away from Logan, let alone telling him about Zack.
Another says it was inevitable like Thanos that Logan was going to notice the disrespectful behavior anyway.
So, AITJ for ruining their bromance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please learn from this and never try to keep a friendship with a man who you’ve rejected on more than one occasion.
Every time you hang out, every time you laugh at his jokes, every time you smile because of something he did, that man will think he still has a chance and he will blame you for “leading him on.” Most dudes are safe to be around after you tell them no, but Zach showed you time and time again that he was the dramatic type, and those types of dudes are dangerous.
You are not responsible for anything that happened between Zach and Logan, that is entirely between them. You are in no way the jerk here but you were playing with fire by seeing all the warning signs with Zach and continuing the friendship. Zach is the one at fault here but I hope you learn from this and do your best to avoid dudes like him in the future because next time, a guy like Zach, could become violent.” Open_Ferret9870
Another User Comments:
“I fell in love with someone who didn’t reciprocate once. I was pretty crushed, but it took me about a week to let go of it and to then just be myself around her again. A week. Though I was pretty firmly an adult by that point… I was also in a relationship that lasted for 15 years, 8 years from teenager, and 7 years in marriage with not much more than 10 arguments over that time.
That absolutely destroyed me for 3 months, and I was kinda zombified for 3 more, but around months 6-9 I started to let it go. Oh and she met someone before me, too, yadda yadda. My point is! There’s something wrong with him if he holds on to one person like that and just refuses to let go.
Most people know how to do this.” RatherFlemch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Zack sounds like the typical “nice guy” who can’t take “no” for an answer and then gets bitter when his attempts at manipulation don’t work. And like a typical nice guy, Zack is now facing the consequences of his actions and he still refuses to own them.
You didn’t “come between them.” Zack let his little unrequited crush build up into something that made him show his true colours. Logan’s called him out on his behaviour but Zack is still dodging responsibility, trying to blame you for telling Logan when it was his choice to behave like that in the first place.
If the friendship is over after 28 years, it’s purely because Zack allowed his crush on you to turn him into a nasty person and Logan doesn’t like this version of Zack.” SquiffyRae
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Spend Christmas With My Family?
“I (19F) am from the United States and currently a second-year university student in the UK.
My partner (23M) is British, recently finished his master’s, and is now working. We’ve been together for 10 months, and he’s my first partner. He’s been nothing but understanding, kind, and supportive throughout our relationship. I’ve met his parents and siblings twice, and both times were wonderful.
His mom even told him she thinks I’m “the one.”
In late November, he asked if I’d like to spend Christmas with his family. He said everyone would love to have me there, and I thought it was sweet, but I declined. I’ve been feeling homesick and wanted to spend Christmas, a holiday that means a lot to me, with my family in South Dakota.
When I told him, he seemed aloof for a few days. I went to his flat later to reassure him that I’d love to visit his family another time, but for me, Christmas is a family holiday. I now realize how that could’ve sounded dismissive.
He looked hurt and asked, “Do you still love me?” and “Aren’t I your family?” I reassured him that I do love him, and things seemed fine after that.
About a week later, he surprised me by showing me a flight he’d booked to South Dakota for Christmas.
Flights to South Dakota are expensive, especially internationally, and while the gesture was touching, I thought it was impulsive and unwise. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. For the first time, he got really upset, accusing me of not caring about him, not being serious about us, and thinking only of myself—all of which are untrue.
I love him and value our relationship deeply. Knowing he was speaking out of hurt, I asked him to take a walk to cool off.
When he returned, I explained that he means everything to me, but I wasn’t ready for him to meet my family.
To be honest, I’m nervous about how my family would react. I’m white, he’s Arab, and my family in rural South Dakota is not exposed to diversity. They’ve made ignorant, racist comments in the past. While they’d likely be polite to his face, I fear they might say something offensive or “jokingly” inappropriate.
They also assume Arab = Muslim, even though he’s Christian. This ignorance embarrasses me, and I don’t want to put him in a situation where he might be hurt.
I didn’t tell him any of this, though. Instead, I said I felt it was too soon to “bring someone home,” as in my family, that’s often a precursor to engagement (which is true).
He asked if he wasn’t “good enough,” and I reassured him that he’s perfect.
He then mentioned that the tickets were non-refundable. I started crying, apologizing for wasting his money and saying how much I wanted him there, just not right now. He asked me to leave and said he needed space.
I flew back home nearly a week ago, and since then, we’ve only had brief phone conversations. He still texts me “I love you” and “Good night,” but he’s clearly distant and hurt. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to fix this or reassure him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for what you did, but YTJ for not explaining why. Everyone is different in their timelines, but after being together for 10 months, it’s pretty normal to want to meet the family of your partner. I totally get why you didn’t want him to come, but he doesn’t get it because you didn’t explain it.
He probably feels like it’s because of him (instead of it being because of your family), and I can see that being really hurtful. Especially if he’s the kind of guy who is close with his family. It’s totally bonkers to just book an international flight without checking with you, though.
Like dude what are you doing?” SparkleSelkie
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with everyone’s a jerk here. You’re NINETEEN; live life a little. I’m not saying you can’t meet the love of your life at that age. You could have met that person when you were 10 and still not be in the path for marriage at 19.
You’ve been together for 10 MONTHS, his mom is telling him you could be THE ONE? At 19?? I know he’s 23 and the difference is not big, but every reaction he’s had and argument you have quoted he told you sounds manipulative to me. I could be wrong, but he could be hurt without throwing the “am I not important?
Am I not your family?” I’m so sorry but at 10 months, calling himself your family sounds weird. You could have told him that you didn’t want him to come because of your family’s prejudice and ignorance, that you can’t change them and you don’t want to expose him to that, and that would have been a sufficient explanation.
But I still can’t get over the fact that him being 23 thinks he’s “family” to a 19-year-old partner of ten months… And the things he’s stated… It sounds a little too intense for me. Maybe I’m too cynical but my experience tells me the wording… Rings some alarm bells.
You’re still a teenager, albeit for a short time, but you’re SO young, take time to live YOUR life, with partner or no partner; take time to know YOU, who YOU are as an adult who’s starting the path of adulthood.” Newgirlkat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If this is a long-term relationship, you should tell your family about it, or risk your partner thinking you’re ashamed of him. You should tell your partner about your family and LET HIM DECIDE if he’s ok with the racist culture shock he may be in for.
The way you left it, he is incredibly hurt because you’re too weak to tell him the truth. Also, this may be a great way for your family to be exposed to diversity and perhaps see your partner as a great guy. It’s awkward for sure, but things are better when dealt with honestly.
Your partner should have asked you first, but the fact you weren’t honest with him, he didn’t really have all the info to not make a bad decision here. He may have interpreted that you wanted to be with him on Christmas but needed to see your family, so he went with that.” Tally0987654321
10. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom For Sharing My Unemployment Status With Everyone?
“I (F27) went to visit my parents (F62 and M66) for Christmas this year, like I do every year.
I work in film, and am currently out of work, like most of the industry. I am applying for jobs almost every day, am on unemployment, and am struggling to find work – even work outside of the industry. Because of this, it’s been a big stressor and is kind of embarrassing to me, as I pride myself on working hard.
I relayed this to my mom, keeping her updated on the job hunt each week when she asks, and told her that not having a job was hard on me.
A few weeks ago, I received a message from a family member, telling me they are praying for me as I find the right job and that they’re sorry about the situation.
I thanked them, not thinking much of it.
I came to my parent’s house today to celebrate the holiday, and she had cards from a Christmas party for me from a lot of extended relatives. Nice, right? Well, almost all of them mentioned something about “praying for your job hunt” and “hope you find the right one”.
Some included advice on finding a job, like going to a place in person and insisting on speaking to a manager about the job. I got quiet as I opened each card, and mom asked what was wrong. I told her it didn’t feel good that she was telling people that I was unemployed, as it hurt being reminded each day that I am failing to find the right job.
I told her I appreciated the prayers, but really would rather it stay between us that I don’t have work, explaining my feelings.
Mom blew up on me, telling me that “it’s all in my head”. She said people were being nice to pray for me, and that she didn’t understand why I was upset.
She said I’m making something out it nothing. I started to cry, telling her that I am working my rear off to find the right job, and I felt like I was failing at life, and struggling hard. I asked if she could stop telling people my employment status, maybe she could tell people that she had an unspoken prayer request, and she said she didn’t see a problem, so no. She also added that I would have a job if I were in church.
So, AITJ for getting mad at my mom for telling her friends and family to pray for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you did was politely express your disappointment that these things had not been kept private. That is just communicating. Her losing it and yelling at you was completely unreasonable.
It seems more like she couldn’t cope with the idea of doing something wrong (which seems to be all she took from what you said), and treated that discomfort as an attack. But you didn’t attack her. And she *did* fail to respect your privacy.
You did literally nothing wrong here OP. And best of luck, the job market is brutal out there, so know it’s not just you!” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I’m not sure you’ll ever get Mom to understand. My grandma was that way and thought sharing with family was fine, because we all “support” each other.
My uncle told her once to ask everyone to pray for him to cure his syphilis. She flipped out, and he laughed and told her that every time she shared his personal business he was going to ask the family for his syphilis prayers. She would make lousy comments that she wasn’t allowed to “discuss it” when her sisters asked, but she learned to keep stuff private.” Tally0987654321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And don’t beat yourself up about not having a job. I’ve been unemployed since April; It’s a really tough job market (I’m in a different industry, but it’s tough all around). You’re not failing at life (I have to keep reminding myself of that too).
It sounds like you are busting your butt and that’s really all you can do. They mean well, it’s just hard to keep being reminded of it. And it’s really none of their business.” CommercialSad555
9. AITJ For Wanting To Ditch My MIL's Christmas Gathering To Attend My Grandmother-In-Law's Instead?
“I (34F) have always had a bit of a strained relationship with my in-laws ,particularly my MIL but today really got to me.
My son just turned 9 today and every year we always celebrate his birthday on his actual birthday because honestly no matter what day it falls on, a birthday two days before Christmas is always going to be rough to get people to come to.
My husband currently works for his parents’ company (he’s almost out of there as he is leaving in a few months but they currently work him to the bone) and despite it being their only grandchild’s birthday they would not let him off work and made him come in which fine whatever but then my MIL flipped out when he informed them he wasn’t going to her office holiday party after work because he was going to his son’s birthday party.
By the way, they were invited. I never snub them an invitation to their grandkids’ birthday. They declined and my MIL decided to plan her office holiday party on her again ONLY grandchild’s birthday at the exact same time. My husband’s grandmother was the only member of his family to come to his son’s birthday or even call and wish him a happy birthday.
Now my MIL is reaching out to make sure we’re going to attend her morning Christmas gathering early in the morning.
My grandmother-in-law is an angel and I love her very much and so does my husband and my son. WIBTJ if I ditched Christmas at my mother-in-law’s (where we normally all gather) and just went to my grandmother-in-law’s early in the morning instead before we went to see my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s something wrong with your MIL. Even if there were unavoidable reasons they had to plan their office holiday party to be held at the very same time as your son’s birthday party (I very much doubt it) there’s no reason for her to expect your husband to choose it over his own son’s birthday party, let alone get angry about it.
I would go to grandma’s. You would be spending Christmas with loving family, and it would be good for MIL to have some consequences for her behavior anyway. Whatever bee she has in her bonnet about your son’s birthday, her behavior shouldn’t just be glossed over.
The only reason to go to MIL’s is if she would threaten your husband’s job over this, and if that’s the case, he should ride things out until he can get another job. Frankly, this power play over your son’s birthday party is a bad sign in itself.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get it’s going to be difficult because of the date but your son totally deserves to celebrate his birthday on the actual day. Your husband should be able to be there for his son’s birthday party, & your MIL planning the work event on the same day seems like a jerk move.
It’s her grandson she’s deprioritizing. If you don’t want to go to your MIL’s Xmas morning, I’d say don’t & I don’t blame you one bit. Go where you feel comfortable & welcome. The ILs could make things difficult for your husband as he works for them, though.
He needs to get a job where he isn’t dependent on them for his livelihood.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“Go to GrandmotherIL. Your MIL (and FIL, who is complicit) is/are into power games, and you don’t have to play along. Your husband should realize that his mother, for whatever reason, is expecting him to always put his job first on your son’s birthday, which is unreasonable.
He should take the day off, plan it in advance, and if MIL changes her mind, he should say no and be a good father instead of a dutiful son for the time of the party.” hadMcDofordinner
8. AITJ For Refusing A Spontaneous Breakfast Invite Because I Already Made My Own?
“This morning, I had almost prepared my breakfast and was planning to eat soon when my friend called. She asked if I wanted to go out with her for breakfast. I told her I couldn’t join her since my meal was almost ready.
I also mentioned that she should let me know in advance if she wants to go out for meals in the future so I can plan ahead.
She seemed upset, saying I wasn’t being flexible or spontaneous. She said she would do it if a friend asked. To be honest, I don’t think I was being unreasonable — I had already decided. But now I’m wondering if I should have been more open to the idea, even though I had already committed to my own breakfast.
AITJ for not being flexible in this situation? What does this incident tell about me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but do you think your friend was looking for more than just a breakfast companion? Maybe she needed to talk or just wanted to spend time with you.
Maybe next time it could go like ‘hey I’m just about done making my breakfast, I’ll quickly eat it and then meet you but I might just have coffee’. Just some thoughts, but you are not a jerk here.” FakeBot-3000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, depending on how much you lectured her about advance notice.
She wasn’t just asking you to breakfast, she was asking you to hang it and socialize. You don’t have to hang out for any reason, but she’s not wrong for wanting to be spontaneous (or responding to your lecture with a suggestion that you try to be flexible).
You could’ve saved your breakfast for another day, invited her over, or let her know that you’re about to eat but can swing by after for a cup of coffee.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Technically, no for not meeting her for breakfast, but the lecture about giving you notice was kinda unnecessary.
You could have left it at “Sorry, no – I’m just about to eat,” or you could have said you’d eat what you made then meet her for coffee or said you can’t today but what are her plans for xyz time?
Your friend wanted some company and thought of you, and you could have been a little more polite about saying no.” Hatstand82
7. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Coworker My Only Early Shift?
“I work four closing shifts and one early day, while my coworker works four early days and one late shift. She has tried to change my early days for a while, and I have tried to accommodate her schedule multiple times, as she has to rush home to care for her daughter while her husband works night shifts, and they have no family help for childcare.
I told her already that I wasn’t going to change my days anymore, as I have things to do as well and have a toddler myself.
Recently, she came to me and said she needed my early day. I thought she wanted to change my early day to a different one so she could get home on time, but she told me she wanted to work only early shifts, meaning she wanted my early day and for me to have closing shifts Monday through Friday.
I told her no, but then she explained that her husband’s job asked him to work an extra day, and if he didn’t, he was going to get fired. Essentially, if I don’t change my days, her husband will end up without a job, and she might have to rent her house to afford living if that happens.
I have a kid myself and no family to help, so I had to resort to daycare. Am I in the wrong for saying no to accommodate her needs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her situation sucks for her, but that does not mean that you have to sacrifice anything.
I would speak to my supervisor immediately and let them know you are not willing to change shifts at all with her anymore and if she continues to harass you about it, you will need them to help you and step in. I would absolutely say that I would prefer all the morning shifts I can get, but I am certainly not willing to give up the one a week that I do have.
She will 100% go over your head and try and get her way. Get in front of it.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, her problem sounds fake to me. Depending on where you live, it could be illegal for her husband’s job to force him to change his availability or fire him without cause.
My guess is she’s tired of trying to politely ask you to switch with her because it wasn’t working every single time, so now she’s trying to force you to give her the shifts she wants by making you feel bad for her.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, her personal life is not your responsibility. She is obviously more than aware of her shifts, and there should be other people in her life like her parents; one of them will have family or other friends that should be able to help her out.
They are just pushing you around, and by the sounds of it, you let them. If they do not like their hours, they should look for a job that is happy to cater to them.” shayneeanne
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Recently Separated, Substance-Abusing Friend Move In With Me?
“Last year I (24F) had a room for rent in my apartment. I offered it to my friend (34M) and his WIFE because they were going through a hard time.
They didn’t accept and things went back to normal for them.
Well, last month, he and his wife apparently “separated,” and he asked if he could move in with me. I have a partner (m24), so I told him I would ask and make sure it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable.
We decided together that it was not a good idea. My friend has a tendency to drink a lot and engage in harmful activities, I’m sober, so it was decided that it is best he doesn’t move in. Nothing against my friend but it wouldn’t have been good for me!
I did tell him he could come stay the week and we will figure out what to do from there. There are hundreds of rooms for rent in this town for wayyy less than what I would have charged him. It would have been easy for him to find a place.
Anyways, he refused the week I offered and told me he would just be homeless. (His mom lives here.) So I offered again because I figured he was just freaking out. He responded by saying that because of this, we can no longer be friends.
It’s been about a month since we have talked, and one of my friends recently said I was the jerk for not letting him move in.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you even think otherwise? You’re not running a shelter for homeless heavy drinkers.
A 34-year-old man is perfectly capable of finding his own accommodations without relying on someone 10 years younger to house him. You and your husband have your hands full taking care of each other right now. You don’t need to bring a 34-year-old person with harmful habits into the mix.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, your situation is different now than it was when you had offered him and his wife to stay at your place. Your friend shouldn’t assume that your offer still stands. Secondly, since you’re sober (awesome for you!!) it is in your best interest to not have someone around who partakes in those activities.
I don’t know if you have always been sober or not, but especially if you haven’t always been sober, it’s 100% a better idea not to invite that into your home. It sounds like he just may not have wanted to put in the effort of finding a place or assumed he could mooch off you.
He needs to respect your decision and move on with his life.” OG_CheeseQuake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, the separation could be temporary. Second, you now have a partner in residence, which changes the complexity of your original offer, and since the friend drinks and engages in harmful activities (and is probably doing more since his separation), it’s not a good idea.
He probably doesn’t want to move in with Mom for that reason either. He’s using manipulative sympathy, saying he’ll just be homeless. There are hotels that charge by the week, and like you’ve said, many places offering rooms for rent.” OkPsychology2376
5. AITJ For Blocking My Ex And His New Partner After Receiving A Suggestive Photo?
“I (24F) divorced my (26M) husband (call him Derek) about 10 months ago. I decided to remain civil because we work at the same place and live in the same small town together.
This entire time, he has been adamant that I was his soulmate and that he was going to do the work to win me back.
Fast forward to 5 months ago, I met my estranged brother (27M, call him Luke) and actually introduced him to Derek because I thought they would get along.
And they did, became best buds. Well, Luke ended up meeting a girl (18F, call her Gertrude) soon after this, started seeing her and got her pregnant. Gertrude has told us all wild stories, and I don’t believe most are true. But I know she is a recovering addict, and she is slowly dying from kidney failure.
Well, Luke hits a severe bout of depression and quits talking to all of us almost entirely to cope. Gertrude gets frustrated, and starts talking to Derek. They text all day, FaceTime each night. Derek tells me all of this and swears up and down that it’s just “brotherly-sisterly” love.
That doesn’t last long. Derek was now seeing Gertrude (because of Minecraft, literally), and she hadn’t even broken up with my brother yet. Derek texts me that he just wants to be friends with me and give up hope of us getting back together.
I told him I was fine with that, but asked a few questions, and he told me everything, including that he believes that they’re soulmates. Whatever, it’s their life.
Last night, I get a snap notification from Gertrude. I open it, and it’s a photo of her in a revealing top with Derek’s thumb in her mouth suggestively, taken in his house.
Instantly, I’m furious. Why would she send that to me? I immediately text Derek thinking maybe he didn’t know, cause there’s no way he would be okay with that, but he knew. He said that I wasn’t singled out because she sent it to all her Snapchat contacts.
I argued back that she should have realized that it was in poor taste to send that to me and suggested she sent it to show that he wasn’t “mine” anymore. I also said that even if she did send it to everyone, it was a cry for attention.
He said none of this was the case and they didn’t think I was going to “react poorly” to the photo. I rebutted with the fact that she, who is 18 and pregnant with my nephew, sent me a suggestive photo of her and my ex-husband.
I just went ahead and blocked Gertrude on everything, told him she was not welcome at any occasion that I was planning and that I would settle up any outstanding business I had with him directly.
Now they’re upset and calling me jealous, amongst other things, saying I’m overreacting.
They also dropped the bombshell that they have already moved in together after 2 weeks of seeing each other (She moved out of halfway housing into his house). From my perspective, Gertrude has been a big attention seeker thus far and is being catty with me right now, since they have officially moved in together.
But I could be wrong and maybe I’m still clinging on to old feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Girl, block both of them. No matter what happens with her illness or pregnancy, she is going to implode like Nagasaki all over his life. He is not the first man to be made a fool of by a young girl.
And he won’t be the last. Block both of them and move on. Worry about your future nephew when and if he ever shows up. NTJ.” Remote-Physics6980
Another User Comments:
“You’re angry about the wrong thing here… Your brother saw and then impregnated a vulnerable, teenage, recovering addict who you say is slowly dying.
Then your brother got depressed and your ex began an affair with her. Who cares about a stupid Snapchat story that wasn’t even aimed directly at you? This poor girl is being taken advantage of at every level by men almost 10 years older than her.
She is pregnant and dying, and all you care about is that she is seeing your ex, not because of his predatory behaviour, but because you feel jealous and have residual feelings for your ex. ESH, you are an immature, insecure jerk, and both your brother and ex are predators.
I mean, I’m not saying that it is your job to help or save this poor girl who clearly needs some help without predatory conditions, but you seem to be trying your best to stay involved in this whole mess of a situation. I would get you remaining involved because of your future niece or nephew, but it seems clear that you don’t really care about that, and are only interested because of your ex’s involvement.
You should stop blaming and villainising a teenager whom you watched get taken advantage of in front of you for months.” bingbongsf
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but do not engage with either of them anymore. If you have to interact with your ex because of work, keep it 1000% professional. Gerttie sent this to you, most likely because she feels threatened by you.
This also most likely means that your ex is not over you and may be going out with her to try to make you jealous. Don’t give either of them the satisfaction. Feel however you need to, cry your heart out, throw and break things, cuss them into oblivion, have imaginary conversations with them where you tell each of them off and let them know how absolutely horrible they are.
But do this in private. Don’t let a single soul know or see that any of this is hurting you in any way, shape, or form. It’s the best revenge. Refusing to engage at all means they don’t have any power over you. They need to see that they are not getting to you and that you couldn’t care less about what they are doing.
I do advise against blocking and strongly suggest you just mute both of them on everything. I say this because you never know what people will do when you refuse to play their games. Muting them allows you to get any and everything they send your way.
You just don’t have to see it or know it exists unless you go looking for it. I suggest doing this just as a way to CYA, just in case one or both of them get mad that you’re not engaging and try to escalate things.
You would have the documentation of rvery and anything they send your way in case you end up needing to defend or protect yourself. Allow them to make you the center of their universe. As far as they or anyone else is concerned, just act like you don’t even know they exist and that you care even less.
Other than that, take the time you need to heal from all of this and then go on and live your best life.” Nymph-the-scribe
4. AITJ For Asking My Manager If She Showed Evidence To My Creepy Co-worker?
“I am an underage hostess who works at a restaurant. I love my job and my co-workers. Except one, obviously. The dude who is forty years old and hits on me. But not in an obvious way; that’s the thing. He’ll message me on social media in private (nothing too creepy, just weird.
Like he’s trying to attempt a romantic relationship with me, as if our age gap isn’t like 20-30 years), tell me I’m beautiful when we happen to be alone, things like that that. Only a couple of times he has asked me creepy questions in front of other people, but without knowing the full context, the questions could get written off as just trying to get to know me.
Anyway, after a couple of months of dealing with this, I went to my manager. I told her, and she said she would talk to my boss and figure out where to go from there. I get a text when I get home that she and my boss spoke to the co-worker about it, and he was apologetic.
I replied with a thank you. I’m still a little creeped out but I am feeling better, thank you, thank you, you get the gist. My anxiety was wracking my body fully at this point, and I had never been in a situation like this before.
I got freaked out by the thought of him seeing all the “evidence” I gathered of him (screenshots, a list of the in-person things he did that were creepy), then asked her if she showed him the receipts. She left me on read.
I was on call with my friend after, and he told me that I shouldn’t have asked that last question as I sounded like I was trying to drag the situation out more.
He said that she sent a clear, concise message on how she handled the situation for me, and what the results were. That me asking that makes me seem like I want to perpetuate the situation. I didn’t even think of this, and now I am fearful that this is how I have come across.
Did I come across as a jerk towards the end? A drama-seeking jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone deserves to feel safe at work. You didn’t, and for good reason. Well done for being brave and doing the right thing and reporting this guy. Hopefully, his inappropriate comments stop.
It is normal that you would feel anxious going through this process and your “friend” should be supportive of you, not second-guessing you. They are a jerk, not you.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s a natural thing to be anxious about. It sounds like the manager is a professional and likely wouldn’t directly show evidence to the dude.
There are a number of reasons she can’t text back whether it’s work related or she’s in the middle of family dinner, etc etc. She may simply be sensing your anxiety and feel the conversation is better had in person. You absolutely did the right thing, and even if this guy does approach you about it, I’d advise you not to placate him.
All you have to say is “thank you for your apology” and move on. He’s been caught and likely won’t risk further negative consequences by testing you further. Coming from someone who’s had to unfortunately report a creepy coworker at almost every job I’ve worked at (welcome to the restaurant industry).” Wild-Relative678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no reason she couldn’t just answer her underage, or any age, employee with any information that will help them be prepared in a harassment situation. You haven’t done anything wrong at all, and your friend is a real jerk for acting like you did.
This is exactly why it’s so hard for women to come forward. They won’t be believed or look like they’re the ones causing the problems. You are not. Don’t let people like this stop you from standing up for yourself. This most likely won’t be the last time you deal with this, unfortunately.
You can either bend, break, or build some armor in these situations. None of it is ideal. What a world.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Refusing To Supervise Another Parent's Child At My Kid's Soccer Game?
“My 13-year-old plays soccer. There is one particular mom who has a younger child not on the team, maybe 7/8 F.
Mom is a gentle parent, but the kid is an absolute brat and does whatever she wants. During games, if mom gets “touched out” as she calls it and basically is overwhelmed and needs a break from her own kid she’ll just walk away and assume the other soccer parents will supervise.
I don’t feel like I am responsible for her kid so I won’t supervise.
Last weekend Crunchy Mom walked away and left little Meri sitting next to me. Meri decided to run out on the field and obviously got trampled. Crunchy mom comes running over furious with ME because I should have been watching her as I knew she stepped away.
Mind you, she never asked if I’d watch her; she just assumed I would because I also have younger kids (2 & 11 months)….
I explained that I too was “all touched out” by her kid who thinks she can climb all over ANYONE and get into everyone’s stuff so I too was taking a break from her kid at that time.
So AITJ? Is it my duty to watch someone else’s kid because our older boys are on the same soccer team?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your response was great! This was under the category of: not your problem! If she can’t handle her kid, then she needs to get a babysitter for her kid or leave her kid with family.
Or figure it out otherwise. But either way, again, not your problem. I don’t blame you. If you start watching out for the kid once, the mom’s going to assume you’ll do it all the time, and you’ll get stuck with it. You have your child playing plus two other young children there, that is very nervy to not only assume but expect for you to watch her as well!” flynena-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is. And she gives gentle parenting a bad reputation. I gentle parented, and she’s got a few of the tenets REALLY messed up. First of all, “walk away and regroup” is encouraged within a safe environment, ie putting a screaming baby in the crib (knowing they’re clean, fed, healthy, and otherwise safe) and stepping outside the door for a few minutes to calm down so that you don’t respond out of being overwhelmed or angry.
It also doesn’t mean letting kids get away with everything.” Antique-Zebra-2161
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the correct thing. Unfortunately, that mom needs to learn the hard way. I have a friend who pulls this. Invites me along and then tries to dump her kids on me.
I stopped going with her. I would take the kids back to her and hand them back to her. I also stopped telling her my plans ahead of time so I don’t end up ambushed and given two extra kids. The kids are great but if I’m paying for my own ticket I want to enjoy my day.
My daughter babysat for her and got frustrated and she says she won’t sit for her again. She gets asked to babysit for 3 hours (would have been done by 10 pm) and next thing she knows they still aren’t home until 3 a.m. happened multiple times.
No word from the kids’ parents at all, even though my daughter was reaching out to them.” laughter_corgis
2. AITJ For Being Honest About Not Enjoying A Hike With My Brother?
“I am a guy who, when I don’t enjoy something, I’ll tell you I don’t, but if I commit to something, I’ll see it through to the end without complaining.
This came to a head when I was on vacation with my older brother in Arizona, who wanted to do a lot of nature hikes.
Nature hikes are fine. I don’t mind them, but I do dislike walking up large hills. Walking downhill is the easiest thing ever, it’s like being nature’s passenger princess. You just put your foot forward and let gravity do all the work. Walking uphill conversely is very draining and leaves me sweaty.
I don’t make a point to complain about something when I do it, so when I was walking uphill, despite not liking it much, I held basic conversation with my brother.
As we were heading back down, he asked me if I was having fun and I said no. Not because of any fault of my brother, I just didn’t find the activity fun.
Not even bad, just satisfactory. Later, when he was driving me to the airport for my flight home, he told me “If I ask you if you’re having fun, don’t say ‘no.'”
I understand that it can be demoralizing to hear that someone’s not having fun, but I don’t like it when people ask for my opinion and get upset when I give my honest answer.
If I’m not having fun, I’ll just say I’m not having fun.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “It’s been a fun day hanging with you, but man this hike is steep.” “I’m looking forward to the downhill bit!” That’s the sort of polite answer people are looking for.
You acknowledge you’re enjoying your brother’s company, which was what he was looking for, but you can also acknowledge the hike is hard/difficult, etc. It doesn’t matter how much the activity sucks, people want to hear that you’re enjoying their company.” Kebar8
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think you and your brother would both benefit from understanding each other a little better. There’s nothing wrong with giving him an honest answer, but it obviously hurt his feelings. Unless he already knew your feelings about that kind of hike and/or the things you do find fun, or unless you explained the context of your feelings afterward, your words made him feel guilty about failing to give you a fun time.
He’s wrong to say you shouldn’t be honest but most people aren’t used to that kind of bluntness and you failed to consider his feelings. In the future, you might benefit from finding a better balance of keeping your commitments without complaint and being more open about your preferences and desires.
People feel good when they can have a mutually good time and people tend to feel worse about a situation if they realize they’re the only one enjoying themself and the other is simply indulging or tolerating them.” impl0sionatic
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but in situations like this, sometimes it’s better to just spare feelings.
Saying you’re not having fun really sours the experience. I would hate to hear that from someone I was doing an activity with. If you’re already committed to doing the activity, what benefit is there to saying you’re not having fun other than offending whoever you’re with?
You don’t even necessarily have to lie. He asked if you were having fun while going uphill. You could’ve said, “This incline is killing me at the moment but I’m glad to be experiencing this with you” or some variation of that.” SignatureDifficult24
1. AITJ For Not Chasing Down The Waitress To Get Our Check Faster?
“I’m at a Tex-Mex joint with my husband and two teenage kids. The service and food were decent and we were having a pretty good time.
Out of nowhere, a party of 30 walked in, sending our waitress into a tailspin. It took her a few extra minutes to get my husband’s second beer so he was getting annoyed. Then, he got even more annoyed when it took some extra time for her to return to our table with the check.
He shoved his debit card in her hand as she walked by and then got more irritated when she didn’t come back with it right away. He was trying to force me or my kids to go chase her down to get the card back but we were hesitant to make a scene, especially because she was running around like a chicken trying to get drinks to the additional tables.
Finally, 5 minutes later, she came back with his card and we left and he was ranting and raving the whole time home about how unacceptable the service was and was really mad at me for not trying hard enough to get the check in a timely manner.
He ruined our night and thinks I owe him an apology for not sticking up for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe he was having a bad day, but ruining the night for the rest of the family isn’t the best way to handle that situation.
Service people get paid poorly and an unexpectedly large table is a strain on already short resources. The waitress was doing the best she could. Five-ten minutes wait is not that big of a deal unless you NEED to go somewhere else (and in that case, you should budget more time).
After visiting Canada, I don’t understand why the US is so backward that they can’t bring a card reader to the table like they do there. Would solve so many problems including this one.” Independent_Road_148
Another User Comments:
“He sounds like a problem.
I’ve worked service for ten years before I worked in the corp world and to be honest this smacks me of first days dealing with a veritable haze of folks all in at once and it’s difficult because the server is not at fault. She should have had help.
But your husband broiled and five minutes isn’t that long, but it seems long when you’re ready to go. .I wouldn’t have blamed her at all. I’m surprised he did, considering he was present when 30 people walked in, and apparently she was the only server, but whatever.
Maybe one only knows grace when one has done the surprise job of finding out the restaurant cut people and shouldn’t have. I feel bad for the server more than you guys to be honest. I’m willing to take the downvote hit.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I know the world outside the restaurant is a perfect place. No one ever has a bad day. No one ever gets slammed. They never have a problem servicing a client. Everything is always in stock. All paperwork is always filled out perfectly. Of course, no one in the office ever gets upset with you.
Going into a restaurant is like entering another adjacent dimension with different rules and expectations. If a server is surprised by the garbage 30 top that decided to just drop in with no warning shouldn’t be a big deal and servers are superman and women who can immediately throw it in overdrive and rearrange the seating area to accommodate said 30 top because even though it is stupid and makes no sense because you can’t communicate with your friends that are 20 feet away at the other end of this ridiculous supersize table.
But if they drop a single step, and your check takes an extra few minutes during this unexpected chaos, that is immediately grounds for no tip, yelling at a manager, 1 star and nasty commentary by name of the server on Yelp and more. While this wasn’t the exact scenario in this post, it contains examples of the unreal expectations that guests have of a server and how easily their whole experience can sour though whether they see it or not something beyond the server’s control caused a hiccup.
Yes sometimes it is a big deal and sometimes that guest is looking for an excuse to complain. As in other jobs, you have some empathy, and you may not know what is happening under the surface. It happens to everyone. We all have bad days or bad parts of a day.
We can’t always hide it or immediately overcome it. Life happens and though you may be a true professional, it occasionally sneaks to the surface if even for just a few minutes.” nmmsb66
