People Ask That We Critique Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For "Ruining" My Aunt's Wedding By Fainting On The Photographer?
“I (21F) attended my aunt’s wedding a few weeks ago.
I was not part of the wedding, just a guest which I was fine with. Before the wedding, everyone was advised to drink lots of water and eat beforehand because it was going to be extremely hot that day. The wedding started at 5:00 pm, and I had absolutely nothing to eat or drink up until then except maybe a granola bar because I was extremely busy that day.
So when it was time for the wedding, I was already tired and hungry. About thirty minutes into the wedding, (which was at a church, by the way), I was feeling uneasy and lightheaded so I excused myself to go to the washroom. As I was walking, I got that feeling like I was about to collapse.
The next thing I can remember was coming to and seeing lots of people surrounding me including the bride and groom.
Apparently, when I fainted, I fell onto the photographer who was crouched down near me. Not only that, but he dropped the camera lens down and it broke. To be honest, I don’t even remember seeing the photographer but I may have been too dizzy or something to have seen him.
The wedding was a bit of a cheaper one, so the photographer was a family friend of the groom who only had one camera with him. The bride was just in tears that she wouldn’t have any good pictures from her wedding. The photographer insisted that he could drive home and grab a different one, but it would take too long.
The bride was indeed mad at me, but I feel it was a bit harsh as it was extremely embarrassing for me already. Fainting never even crossed my mind as something that would happen at all. They did get pictures but they were on cellphones.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, kinda YTJ, sorry – obviously you didn’t mean to faint, that wasn’t in your control, but by your own admission you didn’t eat or drink all day even though you knew it was going to be very hot and you’d been advised to take precautions.
And you don’t seem to feel particularly bad about breaking the photographer’s camera lens when you fell, because it was a ‘cheaper’ wedding? It’s a very soft YTJ since none of this was intentional, but it sounds like you were negligent and then not particularly concerned about the consequences for other people.” coffeemom23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were warned that you should eat and drink before the wedding. Why? Because things like fainting and heat exhaustion are real. You ignored the advice. You fainted as a result. You could’ve gotten a pass if you hadn’t fallen on the photographer, but you did. Because of your choices, the bride does not have the wedding photographs she wanted. She has every right to be really angry at you as your actions led to that consequence.
It doesn’t matter that you didn’t intend for it to happen. What matters is that you ignored their advice and the bride suffered as a result.” _gadget_girl
25. AITJ For Not Having Respect For My "Cell Donors"?
“I am adopted. As a baby, I was abandoned in an orphanage in Eastern Europe and knew nothing about my biological cell donors.
These people never did anything for me, never searched for me, never tried to explain themselves or anything. They just created me, dumped me, forgot about me, and went on with their lives.
In contrast, my (adoptive) parents gave me the best life I could imagine, they took me out of the country which was, and still is, poor and terribly governed. They gave me an amazing education, worked hard to provide for me, and supported all my dreams and ambitions.
I love and respect them for everything they have done for me and couldn’t even begin to repay them for all the kindness and love they showed me. They always have been proper parents and role models to me and I couldn’t possibly be more proud to call them my mom and dad.
I recently told my (Canadian, non-binary) friend about this and they balked at my use of the term ‘cell donors’ and berated me for not even trying to get into contact with them myself.
This friend is also adopted and their parents actually reached out to them, tried to make amends and they explained that they just couldn’t afford a kid at the time and thought it better to leave their baby to someone capable of giving them the life that they themselves couldn’t. I applaud them for doing so, and having respect enough for my friend to explain themselves after reuniting with them.
I see no problem with my friend’s situation, I’m happy that they were able to reconnect with each other and I told my friend as much. They doubled down and said I was an ungrateful jerk and that if not for those people I wouldn’t even exist so I should show some respect. My situation is different from my friend’s and I believe I have a right to my own opinion on this matter since I had a very different experience with them.
My opinion is on the people who created me, not my friend’s biological parents, however, it seems to me that my friend took it as a personal attack. Now my ‘friend’ won’t talk to me at all even though I tried to apologize for somehow offending them (even though I don’t personally believe I am in the wrong).
I really don’t think I’m the jerk here but I’ll let you decide for yourselves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Listen, your friend could be right. My grandma had a baby stolen from her by the Catholic Church, and 63 years later she is still traumatized by the experience.
But even if that was the case with you, you were harmed too.
You’d have pretty serious adoption trauma, and it needs to be handled with kindness.
You need to be the most important person to you. And if keeping yourself safe means not looking for them, that is fine.” MxBJ
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. I know some adoptees reject their adoptive parents and prefer their bio parents.
They need to work through their own trauma, and people like your ‘friend’ have NO right to shame you for accepting your adoptive parents. Many people who haven’t been formally adopted consider close friends as their family. No one can tell you how to feel or what to do. Your parents are your parents… end of story.
Friend doesn’t get to micromanage your life.” User
24. AITJ For Only Wanting To Return My Neighbor's Binoculars To His Wife?
“I (f 28) recently moved into a new neighborhood. All my neighbors are lovely. Especially my next-door neighbor (37), bless his heart (wink wink). He’s married and has 2 kids.
I noticed that he’d been looking towards my house for a while.
So far I’d caught him doing it twice. He had his binoculars with him and was basically, seemingly looking at my living room. I hate confrontation so what I did was close the curtains and go about my day but it started escalating. The other day he was peeking at my backyard (where I was sitting) from his balcony and his binoculars fell in my backyard.
I looked up and he was gone. He knew that I saw him. I took the binoculars and put them inside.
In the evening, he came knocking on my door asking how I was doing and whatnot. I rolled my eyes but kept it civil. He then brought up the binoculars and said that they ‘must’ve fallen in your backyard earlier today’.
I was like ‘Hmm, wonder how that happened?’ He said something about his kids probably messing with them and asked if I could go get them for him. I said I have them but I won’t give them to him unless his wife comes and gets them herself. He looked at me shocked and angry and said that these binoculars are his, and they’re special because he has them from when he was in the military.
And said that his wife had nothing to do with this. I told him that I would give them back once his wife shows up and asks for them, all he had to do was send her over. He threw a fit saying he couldn’t send her because then she’d ‘misunderstand’ the situation. I told him there was no misunderstanding if their kids were really the ones using the binoculars and insisted I wouldn’t give them back til his wife comes and gets them.
We got into an argument but he kept his voice as low as he could then left looking furious.
He’s been complaining about me wanting ‘to stir drama’ and keeps demanding I return his binoculars back to him and leave his wife out of it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, good for you for standing your ground on it, the whole situation is creepy.
Alternatively, to avoid (potentially) the police getting involved, you could wait until he’s not home and take them to the wife yourself.” countingpickles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your neighbor is a creep. He knows he’s doing something wrong and he’s trying to get away with it. I’m sure other neighbors have noticed. If you see Creepy’s wife, see if you can talk to her.
Get some cameras and close the curtains facing their house. If he’s watching you in the yard again, snap a photo and call the cops.” emotionallydented445
23. AITJ For Causing A Family With A Baby To Leave The Theater?
“Last night my husband and I (both 36) went and saw the movie Barbarian. If you’re not familiar, it’s a horror movie. As we’re coming into the theater, I see a young family with a baby who’s maybe a few months old.
I’m instantly put off, not because I don’t like children, but because babies have no place at a movie theatre. Especially a horror movie in the evening.
I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but the kid is fussing and making noise through the previews. I’m hoping they’ll get it together and feed the baby/use a pacifier but the movie starts and the noise continues.
I didn’t want to get an employee because I’d miss the movie and I figured there’s not much the employees would do anyway. So I say very loudly ‘Quiet your kid! Who brings a baby to a movie theatre?’ No one else dared to say anything but I’m sure no one else is happy about the situation.
It continues and the movie gets to a suspenseful part, the baby starts fussing and making noise again. It is ruining the tension and tone of the movie. I say loudly again ‘You are ruining the movie for everyone – get out!’
At this point, the parents get up to leave. When they reach the front they start scanning the crowd to see who said it.
They were mad and looked like they wanted to fight. I didn’t engage them because I had no desire to be arrested and mess with my work situation. They left and the rest of the theatre was peaceful. The movie is fantastic if you like horror.
I’m doubting myself because I am a mom and I understand that parenting is tough.
This could be their first baby and they’re learning. Maybe they couldn’t afford a babysitter. I just don’t think it’s acceptable to bring a noisy baby to a movie theatre, especially in the evening to a movie for adults. I just can’t believe I’m the only one who spoke up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘Maybe they couldn’t afford a babysitter.’
And that is their problem to deal with. If you can’t afford or find a sitter, you don’t get to go to the movie. You’re not talking about grocery shopping or flying somewhere where you may not have a choice. A movie at the theater is a choice.
They absolutely knew better and only gave in when someone called them on it.
NTJ.” ghostofumich2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. People need to learn that having a very young child means that the cost of going to a non-kid venue includes the cost of a babysitter. Yes, babies cry, and it is normal; which is why you do not take one to the restaurant/movie theater.
Everyone else there paid for a different experience than listening to your kid.” Attorney26
22. AITJ For Leaving My Sister's Family To Deal With Household Expenses?
“After my mother’s death in 2007, my father invested the proceeds of the various life insurance payouts in buying a house in town. He asked me if I’d live there (didn’t want to be a real landlord), and at 24 years old, single with a good job, I could afford to cover the mortgage and utilities, so I did.
Fast forward to 2015: my sister, her husband, and their son are rapidly outgrowing their condo. I’m beginning to want to find a place of my own, and my father is looking to sell the house to support his retirement. We all agreed to a plan in which my sister’s family would move in, take the downstairs rooms, I’d go upstairs, and let them get their savings together to buy the place.
They’re paying less rent and lower bills staying here, helping out around the house, etc. The plan was that they’d be able to purchase the house within 3 years. Shortly before they move in, my sister finds out she’s pregnant again.
Fast forward to 2019: my sister finds out her husband was having an affair, so she kicks him out and begins divorce proceedings.
At this point, she’s paying whatever rent money she can scrape together. I pay the rest of it, and all the utilities except the gas bill (which is just for cooking here). She’s also on my cell phone plan, contributing nothing. She makes plans to start some kind of vocational classes but never gets it together.
So last year, she met a guy. He seems nice, but he’s working minimum-wage jobs, staying in a buddy’s garage, and driving a hand-me-down car. He starts hanging around the house a lot, staying over 3 or 4 nights a week. I continue paying the bills, waiting for my sister and him to commit and find their own place.
Doesn’t happen. Months go by, no change except he’s here more and more. My sister continues not to work, and the global crisis pretty much ended her babysitting days.
I expressed to my sister that this was a problem for me, having any kind of guests over that often, having to cover all of these costs for her and her kids and that I would be looking to move out this year.
She doesn’t react well, and the overall situation continues to deteriorate. My plan is now to move out by this summer. I told her I would be closing my utility accounts (since I won’t live here) at that time, and that I’d need her to find a way to get her and her kids their own cell service by the end of the year.
Since then, we barely talk. She’s always angry unless her partner is over. She smokes in the house, has people and their kids over daily, and has even locked me out of the house twice. I’m pretty sure she threw away my Wage and Tax Statement but who knows?
So am I the jerk for wanting out?
Do my years of financial support up to now mean I’m obligated to continue until she’s ready to do anything for herself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and wow, this is a complex, emotional as well as financial situation. You have been more than generous in helping support your family and whatever your sister is going through does not make it right that she’s doing nothing to maintain her own situation.
Word of advice: make sure you get your personal paperwork somewhere safe before moving out entirely. Make sure she can’t get access to your social security card, ID, pa*sport, or bank account. See if you can get a security box at a bank temporarily and lock it all up. Don’t put it past her to attempt something illegal at this point.
Best of luck to you.” PlagueNurse2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a really complicated situation because it looks to me like you are essentially a renter who has no equity in your father’s investment?
If this is the case, your lack of equity/ownership is a blessing and a curse. On the curse side, you can’t evict her or force her into terms more favorable to you or set rules about how the property is used because you are, in essence, a tenant.
There is a blessing to this too. If you are not the owner, this is not your a*set, and your sister’s finances are not your problem. You can walk away with nothing more than whatever the fair notice is according to the lease that you have with your father (please tell me there is paperwork in here somewhere, OP).
You do not have a financial or legal obligation to try to save the asset, and in a legal sense, you can walk away with clean hands.
You would not be the jerk to take this course of action. To be honest, seen rightly, you forewent a number of choices that may have suited you better to help support your father with rental income and to help your sister potentially get on her feet and get a nice place for her family.
In fact, you lived in the same domicile as a young family when you could easily have moved to a bachelor pad and had more privacy.
So on no level are you a jerk. You can start a new life in a new domicile with a clear conscience.” Athena2560
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law She's No Longer Allowed To See My Kids?
“I (f 35) have been married to my husband (m 32) for 8 years.
He has one sister (f 23) who’s the only living member of his family. He became like a parental figure for her after their parents’ death. She used to live with us but once she got in college, started living on her own.
All I can say is she’s so attached to her brother but disagrees with me and criticizes me at every turn.
She also runs over my decisions when it comes to the kids (f 4 and m 2). But I did my best to be patient.
My husband got into a serious car accident and had multiple surgeries. It was horrific and I kept worrying about the kids since they kept asking about daddy, I told them that he’s injured and is recovering.
I didn’t take them to the hospital to see him because it wasn’t appropriate for their age to see him like this. My sister-in-law had a different opinion and pushed for them to see him but stopped once I told her to.
2 days ago, I had her stay with the kids while I went to the pharmacy store.
I returned and the kids were crying. I asked her what was going on and she told me she was just showing the kids a picture of their daddy since they missed him and they freaked out suddenly. I demanded to see the picture and it was a close picture of my husband’s face while in the ICU.
Now I had no idea how she got there or how she took the photo but it was too upsetting to show to kids their age. I blew up on her and said she was out of line to do this to the kids, she said the kids kept saying they missed daddy and wanted to see him.
I replied that it was inappropriate and she should’ve told me. I then told her she was no longer allowed to see the kids after causing them emotional distress. Now they won’t even eat! She threw a fit saying I’m looking for excuses to keep her away and threatened to tell her brother about my horrid treatment towards her.
I had her leave my house but she hasn’t stopped complaining about what I said saying I’m cruel and difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SIL was way out of line. That said, be aware that your kids are likely making up their own scenarios about their dad and what’s happening to him, and what they’re coming up with may be even worse than reality.
As much as we want to shelter our kids, it’s rarely as effective as we want it to be and sometimes even has negative consequences in the long run. Just to be clear, I’m not suggesting what your SIL did was okay in any way. At the same time, she may have a point worth considering this time.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this awful experience.” strywever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to be kept away from your children and I think she’s got an unhealthy attachment to your husband. I understand that he’s all she’s got left after their parents were gone but it’s like she’s actively trying to drive a wedge between you two.
Like she wants you to be gone and she wants to be his wife. That’s the vibe I’m getting.
When your husband is home and better (soon I hope for you and your littles that’s gotta be so hard!) you two need to have a serious discussion about SIL and appropriate behavior and boundaries. Your kiddos were already stressed and she psychologically harmed them.
It may not be a physical slap, but it was a mental one. Would he let her hit your children? No? Then he needs to treat this with the same seriousness.” MiserableQuit828
20. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Grieving Best Friend?
“I’ve been best friends with Carol since we were 11 and 12. She moved in with my family at 14 as her parents were allegedly abusive.
My family tried to legally adopt her but her family didn’t want to pay child support as the judge suggested so she was made to go live with her grandparents.
Carol called me up because her grandfather attacked her and she was hiding in a park scared for her life. My family picked her up and she continued to live with us unofficially, after a while she would go on weekends to support her grandmother.
In the time that we lived together, she caused a lot of drama. We thought she was just figuring out her boundaries or whatever. After an argument, she would tell me lots of hurtful things her grandfather had said about me behind my back. It upset me that this man who I’d barely spoken to thought I was so awful.
I decided to stay away from him and if I was at his house for any reason I would only say hello.
We’re in our late 20s now. Carol moved fully in with her grandparents as Grandfather got cancer and died. It was a slow grim process and all the while Carol was telling me the nasty things he does to her and her grandmother.
I said ‘he’s just making sure you don’t miss him’ once. She got angry and hung up. I should have thought about that.
The day before the funeral Carol called me to ask if I could drive so she could drink. I said I’ve got no intention of going to the funeral of a man who despised me and mistreated his wife and grandchild.
She then admitted he never did those things and she made it up to live with my family.
I told her she was a jerk. I was so angry that I’d ignored this man for almost 10 years. I stopped speaking with her straight away.
Our friends say I’m a jerk for cutting her out when she’s suffering with the death of a loved one.
They know we had a fight but don’t know why. WIBTJ if I told them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is the worst kind of person. She is unrepentantly cruel to people who never did anything and abused your generosity and kindness in a way that will probably affect you for the rest of your life.
I truly think you’ll be better off without her and cutting her off was the kindest repayment she could have expected.” BriefHorror
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk here. Your other friends are not seeing the whole picture because they were not directly involved and don’t know the precise details. In other words, they are seeing it at face value that you cut her out when she was grieving, when actually she had been lying to you for years, sullying the reputation of her grandfather and leeching off of your family when she was perfectly fine with her grandparents.
She was selfish and should have considered the consequences of her actions if she expected you to have any sympathy for her grandfather or her.” Starrdust91
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Cousin For The Rest Of My Life?
“I (40f) have a first cousin (34m) who doesn’t work. He used to be a night desk attendant at a small local hotel, but the hotel closed (the owner died, and the descendants decided to sell the property).
He has refused to seek work since then. He says that most entry-level jobs that he will consider (he won’t work for megacorporations for ethical reasons, which I do understand) either require customer service skills, which he doesn’t have and doesn’t want to learn (his words), or else are really boring (he was offered a stock room type job at a mom and pop tortilla factory, but thought it would be intellectually unstimulating).
His exact words were ‘I just don’t want to have a job. It doesn’t seem like it would fulfill me.’
When asked what he wants to do with his life, he says he wants to be a published novelist. He has written a few novels and a bunch of short stories, and honestly, they aren’t bad – I’ve read them and found them enjoyable.
It’s not likely to be sustainable as a career (the overwhelming majority of published authors either have a day job or a traditionally employed spouse because fiction writing isn’t lucrative) but he’s not bad at it.
So obviously, the question is, ‘Why is any of this your business?’
When he was telling me this (unprompted – I did not ask about his career thoughts, he volunteered it) he said that his parents would keep supporting him until he became a successful novelist, and if they became unable to do so (passed away or didn’t have the budget to do it), the family could keep supporting him.
At this point, I said, ‘Er, what?’ because most of his/our family is blue/pink collar; we don’t have huge investments to tap. For example, my parents were military (enlisted not officer), his aunt is an elementary school teacher, his other aunt does admin work for a local restaurant chain, etc.
He said, ‘Well, you make good money.’ I thought he was joking and started to laugh.
I do make decent money (I went to college for engineering on a scholarship), he’s not wrong. But financially supporting my younger cousin for the rest of my life is not what I have any intention of doing with that money. Honestly, since I’m infertile, what I intend to do with that money is adopt and then support a child of my own, as adoption isn’t cheap.
He was deeply offended and said that since I am privileged financially I need to be ready to support him when his parents’ money runs out. I said that that was frankly delusional given that he can work, he just doesn’t want to. He said that it was wrong of me to laugh at him and that I was acting like a one percenter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not just delusional, he’s entitled, selfish, and lazy. His life choices are not your responsibility, nor anyone else’s. It’s incredibly out of line for him to even think you owe him lifelong financial support because he thinks he’s above working (which is ironic, given he made the one percenter insult).
Let him learn the hard way.” SummerOracle
Another User Comments:
“You’re not ‘privileged financially’. You worked for what you have.
He’s been busy mostly laying around on his butt during that time, expecting his parents to support him into his 40s and beyond.
Tell him point blank that, since he refuses to support himself, not one penny of your money will be spent supporting him.
Maybe you will get lucky enough to offend him to the point where he quits asking for your money.
NTJ. Not in the slightest.” gw2kpro
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Special Birthday Cake Recipe To My Stepmother?
“When my mom was young her mom, my grandma, came up with this special birthday cake recipe they used to make together every year for both their birthdays. My grandma died when my mom was 16 and my mom treasured that recipe after she lost her. When she had my brother (20m) and me (18f) she carried on using it for us, and we’d all make it together three times a year.
It was something she felt was a little tradition and mentioned maybe we could pass it on to our kids if/when we had them and wanted to do it. Mom died when I was 9 and my brother was 11. We started making it together for each of our birthdays every year. Dad remarried soon after mom died. He has three children with our stepmother.
Our stepmother is jealous of the cake tradition we had with our mom, that she left to us, and didn’t share with our dad. She always tried to come up with a recipe of her own to share with her kids but it never worked out. According to my dad, she always hoped we would offer to share the recipe with her and our half-siblings and that it could become a bigger family recipe, but we didn’t.
A year ago my half-sister told me she wished she could be part of the tradition. I explained to her that it was something my and my brother’s grandma started with our mom, that it was a special ‘thing’ just for us. She understood. I encouraged her to work with her mom to figure something out.
Apparently, they still haven’t got something they like or have as much fun making as my brother and I have with the cake from our mom and grandma.
My stepmother asked me for the recipe for the upcoming birthdays of my half-siblings. She said it’s time that she be considered family enough, and them too, to get in on the cake recipe, and the tradition, which should be for family regardless of how they’re family (her words).
I said no. I told her I would not share the recipe with her. My brother told her no as well. Though he was pretty blunt with her about it. I just explained it meant a lot to keep it for just us and Mom (and Grandma). She cussed me out on the phone and ended the call.
I got a text after saying I was a jerk for being exclusionary. Ever since she has been sending me texts about how trashy I am as a person.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is way too pushy and now to attack you for saying no? She’s the jerk. It’s a special tradition you’ve got with your grandmother and mother… two people who passed away.
She’s more than welcome to make her own recipes and traditions with her kids.
To attack you for not wanting to add a random person into a special tradition makes her trashy.
Don’t share it with her. And if needed block her number or put her on blast on social media with screenshots.
She could’ve asked you to make the cake for her kids.
She doesn’t NEED the recipe either. Keep it under lock and key and tell your father to get his wife under control. I hate saying stuff like that but his wife is attacking his daughter unjustly and he needs to put a stop to it.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“‘Apparently they still haven’t got something they like or have as much fun making as my brother and I have with the cake from our mom and grandma.’
I think your stepmum and stepsister are missing the point. You and your brother likely have fun with the recipe because of the memories it brings up for you both. They don’t have fun with ANY recipe because they’re trying too hard to recreate someone else’s tradition rather than just making their own memories.
You sharing your recipe won’t make any difference in their enjoyment of the cake or the process because it lacks the history for them. They need to find a way of making their own memories.
NTJ.” Pleasant-Koala147
17. AITJ For Only Offering To Pay For Half Of The First Year Of My Nephew's Private School?
“So my (25M) grandfather (mom’s dad) has recently passed away. He managed his finances very well in his life and because I am the only child of my mom, left me a large sum of 65k that is to be used however I see fit.
My parents divorced a year after I was born because of what I assume, is the fact that my dad never really liked that she made more money than him.
A few years after they divorced my dad got married and had my sister with my stepmom. My sister (21) got knocked up at 16 with my nephew who I largely take care of.
My nephew’s father is a real piece of work but for some reason, my sister decided to marry him last year. My sister has been wanting to put my nephew who is now 5 into this VERY prestigious private school that would cost around 12k per year. She couldn’t afford this in a million years and neither could I if my grandfather hadn’t left me this sum of money.
My BIL had the bright idea to get my sister to ask ME for the money. I told them that I love my nephew very much but I wouldn’t be giving them the funds to pay for this school. BIL flipped out and told my dad that I wouldn’t pay. My dad says that it’s my money but he still thinks I should at least help pay.
I talked with my sister and said that I would be willing to pay half of the first year but after that, they would be on their own. She said she would very much appreciate it and all seemed well.
Well, this morning I got a text from BIL saying that I’m a horrible person and that I don’t care about my nephew in the slightest. I love my nephew like he’s my child but I just don’t see the need to pay 60k to put him through a school that would just make him entitled. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t give them a penny. And don’t pay any of the private school tuition. If your sister, her husband, and your dad want your nephew to go through private school, then they can split the cost amongst themselves.
But there is absolutely no proof that private school would help your nephew with his future more than free and low-cost education opportunities (public school and visits to the public library, for instance).
The reason I say to definitely not give them any amount is that your sister and her husband may be planning to tell you the money is for school, but then spend it on themselves.
Instead of doing ANY of this, take a more modest amount ($5000?) and invest it in your name with the intent to spend it toward your nephew’s college expenses.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is the one who wants her kid in private school, not you. They should be the ones paying for their kid’s education there if that’s where they want him to go. You not helping them pay for their kid’s schooling doesn’t mean you love their kid any less, it just isn’t your responsibility.
They have to either choose to make the money somehow to pay for private school or just put him in a normal public school like most kids. You seem nice enough to even offer to help pay 6k for half the first year, but honestly save those funds for yourself.” Thiccc-Pickle9419
16. AITJ For Not Giving My Breastmilk To My Neighbor?
“I’m a 29-year-old female, and I am currently undergoing the process of donating my breastmilk to a ‘milk’ bank.
I held a BBQ to celebrate my oldest child’s birthday (6) and invited just about the whole neighborhood that had kids her age. Well as the adults started talking together, one of the main topics was about the formula shortage.
(My second child is no longer interested in breastfeeding as he has been enlightened to solid fruits now).
I told everyone that I was very concerned for the NICU’s/pediatric ICU’s since I worked with them not too long ago. I figured that since I’m still lactating and have an abundance of breastmilk left over I decided I would try and donate to them. Well, one of my neighbors ‘Sally’ just recently had a baby who’s about 3 months now.
She started hinting at the fact that formula is hard to come by/so expensive to order now that she’s going through drastic measures of ordering foreign products from Asia/Europe. She said that she’s spending at least $600 a month now just to feed her baby and how she would have been so grateful if she had a third of my production.
We all laughed because we thought it was a joke and then the conversation changed.
So today, I received a text from Sally asking if I could give her a few of my bags of breastmilk since she’s low on formula and couldn’t get more until the end of the week. I then told her exactly this ‘Hey Sally, I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable giving your child my breastmilk as it’s the equivalent of giving your child b***d and I’m still going through the process of getting it health screened’.
I thought it was a good response but she then texted back that I was a monster and a jerk for letting her child starve. She then told me that she would report me to the authorities for child mistreatment against her kid and then also threatened CPS on my kids because ‘I obviously only cared about myself’.
I showed my husband these texts and he got very upset saying that we need to contact the authorities or a lawyer at least. I don’t want her kid to starve but I really don’t feel comfortable just handing out my breastmilk, especially with all the health cursors and such. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t worry about her calling authorities on you. Even if she actually does they won’t side with her. You are right breastmilk is similar to b***d and legally has to be screened by the banks before it can be given. Yes, many people share breastmilk to help out friends and family members but they don’t have to.
That’s just something some choose to do.
Also, breastmilk is actually more delicate than b***d because more things can be passed through it, not just illnesses. Sometimes bacteria can get in and could make the child sick so screening also protects that from being passed on as well. So I can understand you not wanting to give it to her baby because if something were to happen it would be on you.
You have every right to say no if that’s what you want and no one that she ‘reports’ you to will do anything to you. Sharing milk is just a favor, not an obligation.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Peer-to-peer breastmilk donation can be dangerous. You’re doing the right thing by getting screened. Milk banks also pasteurize breastmilk to ensure it is safe.
Not to mention that they have to check allergens/diets, and also check for substances (including prescription ones). If you donated milk to her and her baby got sick you can imagine how she’d react, given how she is behaving now.” me_myself_and_evry1
15. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Set Aside A Few Slices Of Pizza For Me?
“I (32 f) am the primary meal preparer in my home.
I prepare breakfast and lunch daily for my husband (34 m) and I cook dinner 3-4 times a week. And these aren’t simple meals. He has 3 options for breakfast every day and I recently bought him one of those heated lunch bags. I cook a separate lunch from dinner so he won’t have to eat the same thing twice in a day.
He occasionally (1-2 a month) will prepare breakfast on a weekend.
So today I didn’t feel like cooking dinner so I went and grabbed an extra large pizza from the ‘take and bake’ pizza place. We cut our pizza ‘St. Louis style’ so it’s small squares instead of triangles. I ate four small pieces (probably 2 inches x 2 inches) and left the rest on the stove.
When my husband got home from work he asked was the pizza dinner and I stated yes it was but asked if he could save me a few squares so I could eat them for lunch tomorrow. That way I wouldn’t have to worry about trying to find something to eat while trying to work from home and would only have to cook one meal tomorrow (dinner).
Well, that made him upset. He said that I was selfish and shouldn’t be trying to save myself lunch when he hadn’t eaten dinner. I was puzzled by this because 3/4 of the pizza was left on the stove. So even if two squares were set aside, he still would have been able to enjoy the majority of the extra-large pizza.
I told him that didn’t make sense to me and that the only reason I asked him to set aside a few pieces was because last month when I had bought pizza, he ate the entire thing absent the initial 4 pieces I had grabbed.
He then said I was extremely selfish and inconsiderate and was hindering him from eating what he wanted and if he couldn’t eat the whole thing then he would go get something else.
I told him that was absurd and that the only reason he didn’t care about lunch was because I made him one every day. So he doesn’t have to worry about logistics. I told him he wasn’t being fair and that it was a reasonable request. I frustratedly vented about how I cater to his every need and I couldn’t believe he was mad at me for asking that he just consider me a little bit by saving me two squares.
I then asked him would those two squares have prevented him from getting full. He said that wasn’t the point. The point was that I shouldn’t have even asked because he should be able to eat his full share. I am confused because am I being selfish or is he being unreasonable and greedy?
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re doing way too much to cater to this disrespectful unappreciative gluttonous turd. Sit down and let him worry about his own lunches from now on, he doesn’t even have the decency to save you half the pizza (that he didn’t even procure himself).
People treat you the way you allow them to, put your foot down on this nonsense.
I really doubt this is the first offense. NTJ.” Escape_Overlander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, your husband has it made. It sounds like you do almost everything for him and he never has to worry about meals and has all the support he needs to work outside of the house. And instead, he can’t leave you a little bit of pizza?
He’s calling you selfish? I’d say the next month or two he should be worrying about where his own meals are coming from, cooking for himself, and making his own breakfast. Perhaps if he had to do it for himself he would realize what a huge chunk of time and effort it takes for you and he wouldn’t take you for granted.” User
14. AITJ For Not Accepting My Sister And Her Husband Back Into My Home?
“I (35f) let my sister (48f) and BIL (50m) stay at my house with me and my two young kids. They came over one day and ended up asking to stay the night. They were only supposed to stay ‘one night’, then ‘until Friday’, then ‘until next Friday’, and so on until it came to a month.
My sister doesn’t work but my BIL does. They were supposed to be saving up to find a place to rent.
At the two-week mark, I let them know that I had plans with other family members who were coming to stay at my home from out of state for a visit and they would need to go ahead and find a place within the next two weeks.
These plans were in place long before. The family coming to visit were elderly and coming to spend time with me and the kids. They aren’t related to my sister/BIL.
When they had 1 week left, they came in that Friday with a bunch of new clothes, etc. They said they still had enough funds for a deposit/first month’s rent.
Come the following Thursday (one day before they needed to leave), they were broke plus negative in the bank. They asked to stay another month and live in my basement. I declined. Important to note that my BIL gets paid weekly. I didn’t ask for any payment for them staying with me, I provided all the meals and bought all the groceries and necessities.
They even borrowed a couple hundred bucks from me.
My sister started posting things on social media begging for a place to stay and for money from people. I contacted my niece (25f) asking why her mother was posting things like she was – her response was that she was trying to garner sympathy from anyone she could, that she had a substance problem, and that’s why they are always broke.
I was floored. I don’t want illegal stuff around and I won’t let them come back to stay with me. So now I’m every negative thing under the sun because according to her I can help them but I just won’t. AITJ for not letting my sister and BIL move back into my house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are clearly old enough. If they use their funds for other stuff it is not your problem. And let’s be real: they want to stay forever. They lied to you from the beginning. First just one day, then a little more and more and more. Now they need a month more, but what would it change?
They had no costs, got even money from you, and still went in the reds.
You have your own family, you don’t need additional problems and illegal substances in your home. Who knows when it will come to the point that they steal to get the finances together.” EvilFinch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like you grew up to stand on your own legs they need to do the same.
They have made choices, those choices have consequences it’s not your responsibility to give them a place to live while they sort their lives out. You already went above and beyond once to help them and instead of saving up they went shopping and did a bunch of other stuff. They’ve made poor choices. It’s time for them to be held accountable for their actions.” thatguysuba
13. AITJ For Wanting To Name My Baby The Same Name My Ex Picked Out For Our Miscarried Baby?
“A month ago I (24m) found out that my partner of 17 months (Caitlin, 21f) is pregnant. She told me that she hoped it was a girl, so a couple of nights ago we started discussing baby names. I suggested Winter and she absolutely loved it.
Winter was the name that my ex (Alex, 25f) came up with when she and I were expecting.
Unfortunately, she miscarried. I ended up leaving Alex a month later because honestly after she miscarried, I fell out of love with her. I started going out with Caitlin a couple of months later.
Caitlin ended up telling our friends that if the baby was a girl then we would be naming her Winter. My friends are also still friends with Alex and they knew that Winter was the name that we picked out when she was pregnant.
My friends told Alex and she said something along the lines of that she was kind of disappointed but she wasn’t surprised that I did this because I was a pig. She also said that at this point she didn’t care because she didn’t even want any kids anymore, and even if she did, she couldn’t stop me from naming my baby Winter even though it was supposed to be the name of the baby that she was carrying.
I assumed that this gave me and Caitlin the green light to go ahead and name our baby Winter if it was a girl. I even thought Winter would be perfect because Caitlin already has a daughter named Autumn. But my friends and even some of my family members are telling me that this was a jerk move and was rubbing salt in the wound since I left Alex after she miscarried and I am now ‘stealing her dead baby’s name.’
I personally don’t see anything wrong with it, especially since Alex said she doesn’t care. But am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Seriously you don’t see the harm? I think your ex has you pegged. The fact that you don’t recognize how toxic you have been to your ex and how little you view simple human feelings is astonishing.
Does your current baby mama know the history of this name? Because if she does, and is okay with it, makes me wonder about her morals as well.” dizzytish
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, oh my god, you are such a jerk.
You leave your partner because she miscarried. An already hard time in your life and you leave her?
I’m willing to bet she feels abandoned and used.
Alex ‘doesn’t care’ — true, but it’s not that she’s giving you the go-ahead. She doesn’t care because she doesn’t want to be associated with you anymore. She also didn’t say ‘Sure, go right ahead!’ — she said that she’s disappointed but she can’t stop you.
That’s not a ‘green light.’
You’re using the baby name of a baby that unfortunately did not develop properly. A name that Alex grew attached to, a name that Alex assigned a life to. It’s disrespectful to her and to the unborn Winter to use it for a baby with a different woman.
From what it sounds like, you haven’t told Caitlin yet about where you got the name from.
How angry and used would she feel, I wonder, if you told her that you dumped your last partner for miscarrying, started going out with her a few months later, and are trying to use the same baby name that your ex had picked out?
The fact that Caitlin’s other child, Autumn, is an afterthought to you is a massive red flag.
Your friends and family are right. Please tell me what exactly is wrong with you.” MoonfrostTheElf
Too bad there is no way to stop you from reproducing further.
12. AITJ For Making My Partner Stay In The Waiting Area At The Bank?
“My partner (33M) and I (29F) have always been pretty open about our pasts, jobs, financial responsibility to family, etc. However, with the effects of the global crisis, his work took a massive hit and he has been earning a third of what he did beforehand.
The other day, I needed to go to the bank after we had lunch together, generally, if the bill is over a certain amount, I tend to pay to ease the awkwardness. We entered the bank and I told him to sit in the waiting area whilst I spoke to an adviser (it was about not being able to access my online banking and nothing big).
Once I had left, 20 or so minutes later (the banker was trying to sell me a credit card) he was nowhere to be seen. I searched everywhere and even visited stores in the neighborhood which I knew he liked to go to. The rain was pretty bad and I was getting frustrated that his phone was going through to his answer box.
After an hour and a half of looking/waiting, I decided to go home.
Once I got there, he was also there. Hence the argument. He said he didn’t appreciate that I made him wait in the waiting room but I explained that most of the time banks will not allow non-married couples in together, especially when we are sharing security information.
He said that he just wanted to accompany me and that he already knew I earned more than him and just wanted to be present. I got angry and defensive because he knew everything about me but this part of me, I wanted to keep to myself.
He really can not get over my betrayal of him and so it’s been three days of awkward silence.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not married and there is no reason for him to be in your personal finances. If you get married then that can be up for discussion, but until then I don’t see anything wrong with it. But if you had two separate cars why did he need to tag along in the first place?
That’s confusing, if you asked him to come and then made him wait I would be upset as well.” Plant_Pup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this situation, but some food for thought, financial compatibility is just as important as any other form. If you and your partner aren’t financially compatible then your relationship will be doomed from the start.
I’m not saying you have to share all accounts, just have a joint account, or not share anything. Just simply stating if you both are not on the same page going forward then your relationship will always be different. Money is one of the biggest arguments in all relationships, so please work that out before marriage.” PerspectiveRoyal8014
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Childhood Friend To Prom?
“I (16 f) have a friend (17 f) who we will call Mary.
Mary and I have been good friends since elementary school, however over the years we’ve grown a bit apart. She is still dear to me and I would still consider her to be one of my best friends. Last year was our Junior year, AKA first prom!
Prom has been a big deal for me. when my mom was dying one of her biggest regrets was not getting to see me go to prom. I think it was more about missing out on me growing up than it was about prom, nonetheless, it became a massive milestone for my family. (Mom survived, by the way!)
In middle school, I had a goal to go to every school dance. Mary and I would go together. She would constantly get overwhelmed by the loud noises and groups of people and we spent most of our time in some quiet corner away from the party. She’s one of my best friends and I enjoyed my time with her at those dances, I never minded any of that.
But since dances seemed to be so overwhelming for her I never imagined she would have asked me to take her to my prom.
She’s homeschooled, so she won’t have a school prom of her own. She told me that she really wants to go to one, as it’s a high school milestone. But I don’t really want to bring her.
I have another friend, who I’m closer to, named Lily (17 f). Lilly had taken me to her prom, we had such a good time, and so I decided to take her to mine, even though I knew Mary wanted to go.
I didn’t take Mary because I knew it would be incredibly overwhelming for her and I didn’t want to pay 85$ and spend a really important night for me, sitting in a quiet corner for 85% of the evening.
On top of that, I just really like going to dances and stuff with Lily, she is my best friend and I would genuinely consider her to be my soulmate (in a friend way). Lily also gets along so well with my friends at school, while I think Mary would not get along with them very well, at all.
It would be super awkward. But when it’s with Lily it’s just so nice.
Prom is coming around again, well in a year or so. But I want to take Lily again. Mary thinks Lily and I were trading proms and that’s why I didn’t take her, which is true but not the whole truth.
But she asked me to take her again this year. Would I be a jerk if I still took Lily or my sister, instead?
Would also like to state Lily and I also have sensory issues around loud noises and large groups, but our tolerance is higher, so we would only have to spend about 25% of the time away as opposed to 85%.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She is allowed to ask, you’re allowed to say no. You can just tell her that no, you are going with someone else. She’s allowed to be a bit sad about that.
It would be very kind to give her that experience, but you are not obligated to do so if you do not want to.
However, think a bit about why you are saying no. Are you doing it because you do not want to take her? Or are you making this decision on her behalf because you think she won’t like it? I don’t think it is fair to exclude her and tell yourself it is for her benefit – it is for yours, and that is okay, but you should be honest with yourself about that.
Not saying you should tell it to her that way though, of course, because that would be a bit brutally blunt.” xtaberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are homeschool proms out there that she can attend if she really wants a prom experience. It’s also generally a smaller gathering so it may also be more in line with her sensory needs.
However, you need to just shut her plans down now and stop dodging her question. Just flat out tell her you already planned to go with Lily again.” sleepingrozy
10. AITJ For Explaining To My Mom's Husband How He Disrespected His Religion?
“My mom (45F) and I (22M) don’t really have the greatest relationship, I mean I love her and love her other kids but still haven’t got over her affair, she had an affair when I was 9, and left my dad, she ended up moving in and marrying her affair partner, they had two more kids (11F, 9M) who I love with my whole heart.
I lived with them 50% of the time because of the custody agreement and didn’t get to like her husband, I don’t hate him but I don’t like him either, I mean I guess I have my reasons to not like him, don’t I?
I visited my siblings last week and my mom and I started talking but she mentioned something painful for our whole family (including her) but she has a different opinion than most of us, an opinion that we all consider heartless so we ended up arguing and yelling at each other.
My mom loves to play the victim. Even her husband complains about this. Plus she thinks that as she is my mom, I must respect her (which I understand) but if I disagree with her, she considers that a show of disrespect. Thus, she started crying because I called her a ‘Heartless Witch’, this was between my mom and me but her husband got to get involved and lectured me on how ‘I should read the bible and learn what God thinks about disrespecting a parent’.
He knows I’m an atheist, he just says that to show his ‘superior Christian values’, I just left.
I visited them three days later when things had calmed down, I told Max (her husband) that I had a gift for him, he seemed confused when he saw that it was a bible and reminded me that they already had one and the conversation went a little bit like this:
Me: Yes, but you haven’t read it.
Max: What do you mean?
Me: You tell me to read the bible to be a better son but it hasn’t helped you to be a better human, you still got to be an adulterer.
Max: and here you go, disrespecting us again.
Me: Just like you two disrespected me, my dad, your marriage, and your own God a couple of years ago.
I left after that, he called me a jerk.
My mom wasn’t there, so when she found out she told me I was a jerk and should apologize to her husband since he has done nothing but try to earn my love, yes he did but just because he tried doesn’t mean I owe him my love.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ – your parents are. Adulterers seem to think that everyone should just move on and that it doesn’t affect the children. It does. And adulterers also have a tendency to rewrite history.
Christianity is a show and weapon for them. You will probably never get an apology from your mother – nor will she change.
I know, at 20, it’s hard – but you have to decide if you can have a relationship with her, as is.” SlothGirl413
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Let’s be honest, you know you were being a jerk and you wanted to be. Calling somebody a heartless witch is more than ‘disagreeing’ with them and is definitely disrespectful, which I’m sure you also know, and the conversation about the Bible was also rude, which you know.
I’m confused as to why you continue to have a relationship if you’ve got such issues with them. You’re 22, an adult, you can just never speak to them again. Additionally, having an affair is super trashy, but it was 13 years ago and they got married and lived happily… Maybe it’s something you should let go?
Or if you can’t, again, never seeing them again is a perfectly valid option and might be healthier than all the confrontation.” Elivercury
Finally...get over the adultery?? I really really hope you don't have kids.
(By the way.....NTJ, OP)
9. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Give An Heirloom Piece Of Clothing To My Niece?
“When I was a baby, almost 40 years ago, my mother had an outfit made for me that is very high-end and is still able to be used today. When one of my sisters had a child, almost 30 years ago, she asked my mother to send her this article of clothing. My mother agreed with the caveat that it be returned to me because it would end up being an heirloom and she sent it (I was only 10 or 11 so I didn’t know about it and wouldn’t have cared).
I had a child 3 years ago and requested that my sister send me the piece of clothing so I could use it for my child and by the time she sent it, my child was too big for it. I wasn’t upset, life is busy and we live in different provinces. I was just happy to have it so that I could pass it down to one of my children if they ever decide to have children of their own.
My niece is currently pregnant with her first child and my sister, who previously had this article of clothing, reached out to me today to request that I send it to my niece so that she can use it for her baby when it’s born. She told me that she was having a disagreement with my niece’s MIL about a piece of clothing that my mother had made for my niece when she was a baby and instead wanted my niece to use what my mother had made for me instead.
WIBTJ if I declined her request? This piece of clothing means a lot to me. My mother has end-stage Alzheimer’s and it’s the only thing I have to remember her by (I’m no contact with my dad and haven’t been by their house in years). As well, my sister, my niece, and I all live in different provinces and I’m terrified that if I send it, I’ll never see it again.
I understand why my sister wants my niece to borrow it, but I just don’t want to send it.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s yours, it was meant for you. It should have been returned LONG before you needed it for your own kids. It wasn’t, and you were unable to use it as you should have and how it was wished by your mother.
If they can’t understand the sentimental value of it for you, they’re the problem, not you.” Spharow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is your item. You are never required to lend it out. Plus, your sister has already proven that she is not responsible for other people’s property.
Just tell her that your own child was unable to wear your item.
You have packed it away for their children to wear one day and it won’t be going anywhere until it is passed to your child.” Bitter-Conflict-4089
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law's Son Stay In My Daughter's Room?
“So I (30 f) have a sister-in-law who has an autistic son. My sister-in-law has been spoiled her entire life and generally thinks people should do what she wants when she wants.
Every time they come to my house, she lets her son destroy things in my daughter’s room and dump toys all over the floor. He has broken a life-size mirror, smeared slime into the carpet, and trashed her room so badly that it takes me an hour to clean it. She does not clean up after him even though she says she does.
Well, one day she was over when I was at work and her son was trashing my daughter’s room and my fiance told them nicely that no one was going to go in that room right now. So she gets mad and takes her son and leaves without saying a word. That’s been about a month now.
So fast forward to now, my fiance gets a text from his brother, her husband, saying she is upset because her son cannot go in the room anymore when all the other kids play in it. She’s basically accusing us of treating him differently and says he doesn’t understand to not make a mess and break things.
He understands a lot of things and certainly understands what no means but she has never made a move to teach him what’s acceptable and what’s not. She and her husband, my fiance’s brother, are making us decide if he can go in my daughter’s room or not from now on or they won’t be coming over.
We have offered to bring toys into our living room for him to play, as he prefers to play by himself, but she says that she doesn’t agree with that because all the other kids in the family go play in the bedrooms.
I love all children and would never single a child out but I don’t believe that it’s fair of them to demand anything of us in our own home when we always go out of our way to host family gatherings and account for everyone’s needs and wants in the family without any help.
Also, I believe I would feel differently if she supervised him more and either made him clean up or she cleaned it up so it doesn’t always fall on me to clean every time they are over. My fiance and I are trying to figure out a way to make everyone happy but not be taken advantage of in the process.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your fiance needs to handle this, because it’s his family, and he needs to say, ‘Brother/SIL, when y’all come over, you don’t replace what nephew breaks, you don’t clean up his messes, and you don’t supervise your child to prevent these problems in the first place. Before you make demands of us, you need to get your parenting in order.'” TheQuietType84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let them know it is not their son who is on probation it is them. If they can act as parents and clean up after him including replacing anything broken for the next X visits then he can rejoin the kids in your daughter’s room given they live up to the same standard should he damage her room at all.” Kind-Philosopher1
7. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Host My Cousins' Kids At My House Anymore?
“Yesterday I had my cousins over with their kids. 5 kids ages 2, 4, 5, 5, 9. I have a fairly nice backyard. Over an acre on the water, pool, dog who plays fetch, soccer, everything and anything to entertain them outdoors. With all these activities available to them, they constantly want to play indoors.
Yesterday I caved and let them in after a ton of bugging me. I figured one of the parents would go inside with them and I specifically asked the parents to keep an eye on their kids when they went in. One of them went into the house and after 10-15 minutes they came back out.
I asked how the kids were doing inside to give them a hint to go back inside to watch them and she was just oblivious. Said they are fine they are playing.
Yesterday night I came in and everything was a mess. Toys all over. Towels everywhere. Stain on the couch (or barf). Just a mess.
And while it’s expected that a house gets messy after hosting, I don’t think that it’s fair to leave everything to the hosts to clean up after other people’s children.
I do not want the kids in my house again unless they need to go into the bathroom. And I will probably never host them during the cold season.
While they didn’t cause any serious damage I just don’t feel comfortable letting them in without their parents’ supervision.
WIBTJ if my wife and I are upfront next time and tell them that the kids left a mess in the house last time and no one wanted to supervise them? And that it will not be happening again.
God forbid one of them gets hurt. I’m liable. (Doubt they would ever sue)
My wife and I have an 8-month-old so we were pretty busy trading off hosting and watching the little one to really see what’s going on inside.
Is there a soft way to tell them to keep a closer eye on the kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t wait until next time. Call them and tell them what their children did to your home when their parents let them in unsupervised. Also, stop inviting them to your home period. Don’t even invite them for outside activities because they will find an excuse for why they have to come inside.
If you are unwilling to do that then you need to stop complaining. Your cousins have shown you they have no respect for your rules and are uninterested in supervising their children in your home. If you continue to have them over it’s on you at this point.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“You WNBTJ to insist that someone be with the kids at all times when they’re in the house.
Of the group of them, only the 9-year-old is likely mature enough to play without supervision for any extended period of time. The others are simply too little to be trusted not to make a mess, break something, get into something they’re not supposed to touch, etc.
You need to make it crystal clear to your cousins that their children are never to be left unattended inside.
If someone has a bathroom emergency or something, then they need to tell you so that you can somehow double up on watching your own child and theirs. If that’s too much of an imposition, well then wait until you get invited to their place(s).” User
6. AITJ For Telling My Coworker To Stop Bringing Food For Me?
“Last year my coworker and I fell into a bad habit of eating not-so-great food for lunch. She would bring something like cheeseburgers for us one day, I’d bring pasta the next, etc. Because of this, I gained a fair bit of excess weight.
Towards the end of the school year, I noticed most of my clothes were tight. I have a lot of funds invested in my professional wardrobe so I was not wanting to buy a new one to accommodate my lazy eating.
I asked my coworker several times to stop bringing me food and started bringing salads and such for myself.
She didn’t listen and would make me feel guilty for not eating when ‘she cooked enough for me especially so she could bring some,’ and such as that. She would also ask for part of my food, saying ‘We’ll eat yours at snack time and mine for lunch.’ I admit that I caved and often did what she wanted.
I lost the weight I had gained over summer break and feel much better. I don’t intend to gain it back. We went back to work this week and I told my coworker upfront that I wasn’t trying to hurt her feelings but I wasn’t eating like that this year and not to bring food for me because it would be wasted. And I mean it.
She has ignored me so far and I’ve refused to eat what she brought. I have also not shared my food.
Yesterday she started acting upset and when I asked if she was okay, she said she thought I was being very rude by refusing to eat her food and refusing to share mine.
I reminded her of what I told her but she just said a couple of pounds isn’t worth a friendship.
One of my other friends said I’m a jerk because I could have just pretended to pick at her food so I didn’t offend her and simply ate when I got home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You explained that you didn’t want to do what you were doing previously. She can feel sad about it for sure, but it’s not like you can’t eat together anymore so I don’t see how you are throwing away your friendship.
Doing what your friend suggested would be a jerk thing to do since your coworker would be spending her money for the food to get wasted (and I’m sure she’d pick up on the fact that you weren’t really eating much anyway).” Slip_Slip_Knit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she were truly your friend, she would respect your request. Her actions show that this is about her needs, not yours. What you want is irrelevant to this relationship – the only thing that matters is what she needs. This is not a healthy relationship.
As far as what your friend said, you shouldn’t have to pretend to eat something to keep a pushy person happy.
Face it, eventually, the secret would come out and you would be in the same position anyway.” bamf1701
5. AITJ For Not Sending Financial Help To A Cousin Because I'm Buying A New Phone?
“I (21m) earn 5,000$ a month (20$ an hour, I work 10 hours a day, I work 25-26 days a month). It is quite low and I’m honestly lucky to be living in a good apartment for only $2,000 rent, I also pay utilities which are $300 (including wifi), and on top of that I spend an average of 400-500$ on food monthly.
I also have a bunch of other monthly fees. In total, I spend 3000$+ on rent, food, and fees. I also give my parents $500 monthly. That leaves me with $1500 in disposable income.
So my cousin (18m) and I have never gotten along. We often had fights as kids and even into our teen years. We have not talked in a while since I live far from my home town.
I do talk to my family regularly and visit whenever I can. I don’t know why but my cousin and I just don’t get along, it might be because our personalities are very different and we have no interests in common. We don’t really have fights now but we only talk when necessary.
A week ago my cousin had to get surgery.
My parents and my cousin’s parents don’t make much money and they did not have enough money to pay for his surgery. The hospital fees were a little under $2000. My aunt asked me to help her pay for his surgery but I did not agree since my cousin has never been nice to me and like I’ve said we have never gotten along.
I also explained that I was going to buy a new phone so I can’t really help pay for it. She yelled at me calling me selfish and petty for not helping to pay his hospital fees. I also received multiple calls and texts from other family members saying the same thing. Even my parents got mad at me.
I didn’t really think much about it and I honestly didn’t think I’m the jerk. But last night I was thinking about it and now I think I might be the jerk. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are responsible for part of this though.
You send $500/month home to your family when you can’t really afford to.
At 21, even if that $500/month was not already obligated to rent or utilities, etc, you would need to be investing into your future (as in a savings account or some such for a rainy day).
Instead, you are sending $500/month to your parents. That would lead people in your family (who have surely heard about that) to believe you had money to throw around (when you really don’t).
Stop sending funds home to your parents every month. You have a LOT more years left where you have to worry about rainy days than they do.
Your parents have also failed to appreciate the money that you’ve been sending them every month because they’re upset you won’t send home MORE now to cover a nephew’s medical expenses.
You created this problem & the only way to put a stop to it is to admit you couldn’t really even afford the $500/month to your parents – much less start paying for family member’s copays in medical procedures. (And then never send money home again.)” Evading_Suffocation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Next time someone asks for money just tell them no without an explanation because the explanation inevitably leads to counterarguments and in this case, by saying you wanted a phone you really set yourself up for their hostility.
You don’t make enough money at this point to be the ATM for your relatives. Judging by your rent ($2000) you are living in a relatively high-cost area so $60,000 per year isn’t a huge salary. Also, you are working A LOT of hours for that salary.
Your parents are lucky you are willing to send them $6000 per year – don’t forget that is money pre-taxes as OP’s net salary is actually considerably less than $60,000.” Jujulabee
4. WIBTJ If I Kick Out My Daughter's Half-Sister From My Home?
“10 years ago I bought a large home that was livable but needed work. I’ve been improving it room by room and renting when the rooms are done. The house is paid off so I am giving them a deal for the area we live in, 500-600/mo. In my area renting a room with a private bath would run you 900-1200.
I only rented to people I know personally. My longest tenants are a wonderful couple (T & J) with no kids of their own but are like family to us.
Here’s the problem.
A few years ago we found out my daughter had a half-sister (X). Their father (L) died when my daughter was 6. I got conflicting info if L even knew of X.
X’s mother and grandmother, and L’s parents have told me different stories. I can’t do anything about it now and would prefer to believe L didn’t know about her and is the reason he wasn’t in her life.
We finished the walk-out basement when X contacted me asking if we had space for her. She had a breakup and was on the outs with her mom and needed a place to stay.
I thought this would be a great way for my daughter to bond with her sister. We agreed to a very reduced price (400) for the space (30×16 with private bath, laundry, and patio) even though she was a college graduate and making decent money.
At first, everything was great, everyone got along with no problems. X got a dog, I was okay with this initially.
X is a terrible dog owner. The dog is in the crate most of the day, very hyperactive, urinates inside, etc.
My daughter watched the dog for $200 while X went on a Christmas trip. It went horribly. My daughter got hurt by the dog while walking it, resulting in X-rays. I told X we couldn’t watch the dog again for her and that she should look into classes for it.
She seemed mad but said ok. There was a lot of petty behavior that followed after this. She stopped: cleaning the urine, cleaning up after herself in the kitchen, and picking up the dog poop outside. And she didn’t pay my daughter.
A month ago she planned a weekend trip and asked my daughter to watch the dog again.
I told her no. She said she was blindsided. She began giving us the cold shoulder and saying mean things to my daughter.
I want to ask her to leave. I spoke with T & J about the situation (they are my confidants) and was surprised by J’s response. J thinks I should cut X some slack and that she is ‘still a kid and has had a rough go at life so far.’ T also seemed surprised by J’s take.
I found out that X had been talking to J on the patio (smokers) bashing me saying I knew about her, that I was the other woman who ruined her parent’s relationship, and that I owe her for all the pain she’s gone through.
I’m heartbroken. I had no clue X existed and L was an amazing man that I couldn’t imagine him denying his child or stepping out on his relationship.
We never married but we were committed. I was able to buy that house from his life insurance policy, X knows this and feels she has a right to the property as an inheritance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She may well have had a hard childhood but that isn’t your fault. In fact, you have allowed her into your home at a reduced rate and she’s disrespected you by not pulling her weight and cleaning up after her dog.
Is it worth talking to someone about the insurance issue? In your country would she have any rights having lived in your house for a length of time? Putting any legal issues to one side, X wasn’t left any money whether this was due to L knowing/not knowing about X. So either way, definitely NTJ.
I’d seriously suggest that you have a chat with someone legal to find out if she can claim any rights.
On another note, you could consider making her a recipient in your Will. Doesn’t have to be 50/50 with your other daughter, but something to acknowledge the relationship to L.” Sparklysherbet151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. X is a college graduate and making decent money. This is no kid.
You are being taken advantage of. X has an undeserved sense of entitlement. Are you SURE X is related?
Regardless, give her a certain amount of days to get out. If she was L’s daughter, that is nothing to you. SHE is nothing to you.
Break ties. X is nothing but trouble.” User
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister That Her Partner Came On To Me?
“I (25M) have never liked my sister’s significant other, mainly due to his behavior and my past history with him.
He used to be an absolute jerk to me, picking on me for the most minor things (being gay in a rural town doesn’t often go well), scaring away any friends I could’ve made, and just an overall jerk that I hated back then, and still hold some resentment towards him as he made my high school years miserable for the most part, but I try to move on for the sake of my well-being.
Well a few months ago, my sister started to go out with my old high school bully much to my shock, claiming that he had changed and all, and for a while it seemed like he did as he seemed genuinely remorseful and apologized. I still haven’t completely forgiven him though, but I don’t hold as much of a grudge.
There had been a few incidents where he had been oddly touchy and close to me that went a tad beyond a friendly touch, but those had really happened when he was under the influence, so I thought nothing of it.
Until last week, he had come over to my place to pick up something my sister had left when she had come to visit (just a necklace.)
I don’t want to go too much into detail as the whole experience was just uncomfortable, but he kinda came on to me, admitting that he used to have feelings for me in high school, and just got really close despite my obvious discomfort. I don’t know if the feelings still linger, but I don’t want to find out.
Needless to say, I kicked him out and called my sister, telling her a bit of what happened, and said he was a creep.
My sister didn’t really believe me and accused me of just trying to get rid of him because of what he did to me in high school, and my parents are coming to her defense, and just making it feel like it never happened.
I’m just frustrated right now and feeling some guilt as I could be overblowing this situation nor do I want to ruin my sister’s relationship, but he literally came on to me in my own place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You aren’t overblowing the situation, he was probably vicious to you in high school because he had feelings he wasn’t comfortable with.
Now, it sounds like he might be using your sister to get close to you, which really sucks.
Unfortunately, your sister isn’t ready to hear it. There is nothing you can do for her until she is ready. Just try to keep some distance from him.” SunnyRose57
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. She shouldn’t be going out with him in the first place but that’s a different convo.
If you were a girl, they would take it seriously but since you’re a guy, they don’t believe you. It sucks but I would just say ‘I know what happened and I was just trying to let you know. If you don’t believe me that’s fine, but it’s probably best we just don’t talk about this anymore because neither of us is budging on our stance and it’s just going in circles.’ Sorry OP.” TasteIndependent5127
2. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Stop Financially Supporting His Family?
“My husband and I met in community college and got married 6 years ago. He works with AI, and I work as a part-time nurse. Obviously, he makes significantly more money than me, but we have thus far lived well below our means, to the extent that my salary alone can probably support our current lifestyle.
We live in a 2 bedroom house which was given to me by my uncle as a graduation present, and while comfortable, our daughter (f 2) is getting to the age where she needs a bigger house and yard to play in.
I’ve been asking my husband to look into bigger homes in better neighborhoods for the past 6 months, and each time he tells me he’ll look into it, and he’ll sit with me looking at homes that fit what we are looking for, only to back out of it before we take the next step.
Then last week, I heard him on the phone with his mom (f 63) asking if she needs more money and if she wants more than last month on a consistent basis. His mother moved to London to live with her brothers and sisters after her husband, my husband’s father, died 7 years ago. He left my mother-in-law a large sum, which she spent instantly to buy a large house in London and to move all her brothers and sisters from Iran to the United Kingdom, where they live together in a 5-bedroom home.
I used to think they were each working, and/or had some leftover cash from buying the home. But after I overheard them on the phone, I asked my husband how much his family needed, and if they were struggling to make ends meet. To his credit, he was very forward with me and explained the whole scenario, detailing how they have no cash of their own, and how none of them hold a job and he’s been giving them between 5-10k a month for the past 4 years.
It turns out that when they had all originally moved to London, my husband’s 3 uncles (between the ages of 40-50), had held jobs as delivery drivers or whatnot, while his mother and aunt (f 50?) stayed home. Then when my husband got his new job 4 years ago, which I have now found out pays significantly more than I thought, and he started giving them money, his uncles quit their jobs and he, alone, funded them.
He has given them nearly 350k in the past 4 years, which is already a lot, but for a group of 5 able-bodied adults, with a paid-off home and taking full advantage of all the publicly funded benefits of the UK system.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow absolutely NTJ. His main priority should be on his immediate family, and only gives what he can to them after he’s made all ends meet here.
A kid needs room to run and play, and to not be able to afford to give them that is one thing, but to be able to but not because you have other priorities is wrong!” p******************t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, your husband’s family consists of a pack of leeches. They are disgusting.
The problem is that this might be a cultural thing and your husband doesn’t see anything wrong with this. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is a battle you can win and those people are never going to get self-sustaining if your husband keeps financing them.” Purplefox71
Personal,y I would kick him out and take him for child support and tell them what he's been sending his family and use that money to extend the home that you own thanks to your uncle
1. AITJ For Hiring A Replacement For An Employee Who Was Just About To Quit?
“One of my employees, Gary, was not happy with his pay raise (10%) and he felt that he was denied a promotion. The reason was that he flakes all the time, and is quite ill-tempered. He has spoken rudely to several customers and part-timers.
When he found that he was not going to be promoted, he angrily told me to expect him to ‘walk out of this trashy place soon’.
In my experience, people who feel wronged generally do not give any notice before quitting. I know that’s not legally required. So, I set up some interviews because it might take some time to find someone.
I wanted to be ready when he leaves because I did not want to leave others short-handed.
I ended up finding a person with enough experience, Lizzy, after a month of looking. To be honest, I expected Gary to have left by then. I couldn’t not hire this person, so I did. Since this was an extra hire, I ended up giving most of his hours to Lizzy.
I gave Gary hours according to his contract but I did not assign him any overtime or weekends.
Gary came to me and told me that he needed extra shifts to make rent and I told him that I could not do anything as there was another person on the roster and I was going to prioritize people who were here to stay.
I reminded him that he was the one who said that he was leaving. He admitted that he had trouble finding a job. I told him that he could always put me down as a reference and I would give him a good one, despite what he thinks of me.
He ended up yelling at me saying how he could not believe that I was doing this.
He told me that he thought I would offer him a promotion or that he would find another job soon. Obviously neither happened and he was understandably frustrated.
I reminded him that he said he was leaving and I made arrangements accordingly and I told him not to blame me for prioritising others. He ended up quitting a few days later.
I saw him a couple of days ago and he told me that he was still unemployed and asked me if there were any openings. I told him no but I would forward him any listing if I found any. The more we talked the more angrier he got. I did not know how to react.
He told me that I shouldn’t have hired Lizzy until he gave notice/left. He kept telling me that I was a smug jerk and that I forced him to quit and now he is struggling. He asked me if I was finally happy after ruining his life.
AITJ for not waiting until he left/gave notice before hiring new?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He threatened to walk out soon, so you were just being proactive in protecting your business. If he had found something, he wouldn’t have felt a bit of guilt about leaving you in a bind and moving on. He played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.” rangerman2002
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Gary for saying he was going to leave before actually being ready to leave.
You for not clarifying with him if he was actually giving notice or just frustrated with not being promoted. You also for hiring someone else and keeping Gary on… for what reason? To rub it in his face that he’s replaceable?” Spank_Cakes
