People Want Us To Criticize Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Being Insensitive?
“My son (13M) told me the other day that he thinks he has a crush on a boy. He was distressed and came to me in tears. He said that he was confused because he had a crush on a girl as well but now he likes a boy etc. He also said some things about how he’s terrified of burning in the underworld and so on.
I managed to calm him down and reassured him that his dad and I will always love him regardless of who he has a crush on and that he won’t burn in the underworld.
He passed out from exhaustion.
But I was concerned because neither I nor my husband is religious and due to my own childhood, I made sure to never mention anything about burning in the underworld in front of my kids because I didn’t want them to experience the constant fear of…well, burning in the underworld.
When my son was in a better state, I asked him why he’d think that he would burn in the underworld and he reluctantly admitted that the babysitter told him.
So the babysitter is for my younger kids and she’s a middle-aged lady from my home country.
I hired her because she’s just immigrated here and is in desperate need of money. I thought she was very sweet and my kids loved her as well. I told her that my children aren’t religious so she can’t talk to them about that stuff and she said she understood.
I called her and asked her if it was true and she proudly admitted that it was. She told me I should thank her because now my son won’t sin and will go to heaven.
I told her that she cannot say these things in front of my kids and her promise was the only reason I hired her. She told me that she thought I’d appreciate it/wasn’t serious and that my husband forced me into leaving the religion.
I told her that no, she was mistaken and I’m very sorry but I can’t let her around my kids anymore. She started crying and was like, ‘Wait, wait please I’m sorry I have kids’.
I told her that I am very sorry but what she said to my son is irreversible and I can’t risk her doing it again. I told her I’d give her the number of other families but she said it isn’t the same because she only feels comfortable with me.
I said I was sorry, sent her the numbers and that was it.
She keeps messaging me and calling me saying that I’m being really cruel and to think about her children.
She got my mom involved and now the two keep calling me insensitive and are implying that I’m the jerk. I don’t think I’m in the wrong but she does have quite a few kids and is struggling.
They also say it was a misunderstanding and an innocent mistake. My husband also thinks that we could’ve given her another chance. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This post was a ride from start to finish.
Major NTJ. You’re looking out for the best interests of your son by protecting him from people who will teach him to hate himself for who he is.
It sucks when we have to make tough calls like dismissing a babysitter, but she gave you her word, then broke it, then proudly admitted to breaking it.
She wasn’t sorry until the consequences came out. She will do it again if you let her. I have to say, you went above and beyond giving her referrals. You did more than your part for her; that’s being a good person.
Good for you for doing what’s best for your kid. As a parent, your son is and always will be your number one priority, and I promise that from his perspective, this is going to be a moment he looks back on and knows that you will always listen to him and take measures to protect him.” telizjay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will be though if you bring her back. She hurt your child and he will never forget it. I have a son who says he is gay or bi and I swear if anyone ever tells him he’s going to burn in the underworld, there will be a lot to pay.
Kids in the LGBTQ community have the highest depression rates because they don’t feel safe and accepted and have been told there’s something wrong with them. You have done a good job of making your home a safe space, he was comfortable telling you something that really scared him.
Inviting someone who made him feel the opposite way back into your (his) home makes that space no longer safe. As a mom, your kids are your responsibility, hers aren’t. She should’ve thought about that before saying something so asinine and hateful to a child.” safarimotormotelinn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she knew exactly what she was doing. She knew that you didn’t want her to talk about religion to your kids and she decided that she has more rights than you the mother do in deciding what is best for your child.
How dare she.
She isn’t sorry, she is proud of it she literally told you she is. The only thing she is sorry about is that there are consequences. If there are no consequences (and letting her come back is no consequences) she will do so again, why not it isn’t like she will suffer consequences if you let her come back, only you and your kids will.
Separate from that, she didn’t even go with the God loves you part, nope she went with ‘you will burn in the underworld for all eternity’ abusive tactics. She is not a good person, she isn’t even respecting your NO now, she is actually ignoring your boundaries again for the sake of her entitlement.” TimeDue2994
19. AITJ For Not Paying For My Parents' Retirement Home?
“I (23M) don’t have the best relationship with my parents (50s) for reasons I would rather not get into. My older sister (25f) was quite spoiled as a kid and still has a pretty good relationship with them.
The question has come up of whether or not to send my parents to a retirement home or to care for them. I was standing in my yard when my sister comes over.
I ask her what she wants and she said that it was time to think about what happens to our parents. I said I’m not doing anything, as of I believe 2014, Missouri has no filial responsibility laws meaning I don’t have to do anything.
She said that I was ‘morally responsible’ for our ‘poor parents’. I told her I didn’t care about her morals since I had no legal obligations. She told me to get that dirty thing out of your mouth, I don’t like seeing you smoke (I was smoking at the time).
I said, don’t act like your the bigger person if you don’t want me smoking around you just say that. I dipped it in a glass of water on my porch and threw it away.
She said, ‘No I’m not ‘acting’ like the bigger person, you’re an addict, every time I see you you’re smoking or drinking and you can’t even care for your parents.’ I was mad and said ok and?
I’m still the one who can keep a full-time job, didn’t rely on daddy’s money, and doesn’t have to work multiple part times. I’m the one that makes time to do volunteer stuff, I’m the one that worked hard enough to move out at 18 and had to live with 3 other guys in a messed up house, I, however, am NOT the one who thinks they deserve praise for doing the bare minimum, you can’t say anything about my life when you can’t get your own together, now get off my property because I’m not legally responsible for mom or dad, and I’ve had enough of you and your morally superior beliefs.
She told me I was a jerk and that I didn’t realize how hard she was working and that I was a horrible son and brother. I’m starting to think I was a little mean and maybe I should pitch in something for their retirement home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like either they want to move into a retirement community and sell their house to pay for it (and sister doesn’t want this as she wants the house).
OR she has come up with this as the way to get the house and you to pay for them to move. 50 is early for retirement unless they are well off, or sick.
A retirement community at that age is basically an apartment or house that they own, surrounded by others all of the same age. They do activities together, etc. and it’s super expensive.
Most nursing homes are for sicker elderly or those who cannot afford or have anyone to take care of them due to health issues.” mede04
Another User Comments:
“I mean it’s entirely your decision whether you want to provide care for your parents just as much as it’s your decision to water your plants.
There will be people who think you’re horrible for not caring for your parents and there are also people who will understand why you don’t want to. In my opinion, there’s no relationship in this world that is completely unconditional. I have had people in my life that were close to me in one moment and then the next they were no longer a part of my life because they were the type of person I no longer wanted to be around.
I say NTJ. Do what you want.” DinnerGlass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ll paraphrase what my therapist said to me: You have no obligation to carry your parents on your back and they are wrong to believe that you need to pay back.
Parenthood is supposed to be a selfless, loving action. You don’t use your money to pay for your child’s school, food, and whatever else thinking it’s an investment that you’ll collect later on.
That’s very selfish, narcissistic, and sociopathic behavior.
Even if they were the greatest parents in the world, you’ll want to pay them back because you LOVE them back. Not because you owe them or some things like that.
So yeah. Pay them a retirement home if you want to, don’t pay if you don’t want to. You carry no guilt.” fourangers
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend Who Said I'm Leading Someone On?
“I (14M) had someone who had a crush on me (who we’ll call Jacob for privacy reasons). Jacob had a crush on me for a while. When we were on the bus he’d put his head on my shoulder, and I’d see him glancing at me in class, etc. I never outright told him that I wanted to date him or anything, as I just wanted to see how it goes.
Skip forward a couple of weeks, Jacob asks me if I wanted to go hang out with him on Valentine’s Day, like get boba and then hang out at our nearby park, which I agreed to.
That upcoming Monday after school, we walked all the way to the park and got boba at the nearby Pho store there. While we’re at the park, Jacob tells me how we’d explain doing stuff like biking on a trail and stuff.
This is when I start to realize, I can’t do this. My family isn’t very homophobic but some of them are very transphobic. Jacob is transgender. My brother (he was in school and rode our bus) yelled at me for sitting next to ‘an It’ on the bus the second we got off.
Jacob was the person I was sitting next to. I also haven’t even come out to my parents yet, so I don’t think they’d like me going out with a transgender, let alone my dad.
After Jacob and his mom drop me off at my house, I go home, put my stuff away, and tell my friends about what happened and I told them that I was thinking of breaking off this thing we got going on.
One of my friends (who we’ll call Pat) got mad at me, saying I was leading him on for ‘not liking him after Valentine’s Day’ and I told them that I’m not obligated to date someone after hanging out with them on Valentine’s Day.
I told them that I just realized that I couldn’t hang out with him, but my friend didn’t care. They thought that because I didn’t want to date someone who I could literally never date due to my family, I’m doing messed up stuff.
Side note: they know my family is transphobic. Pat just told me that I’m being a horrible person, as one of my friends tried to defend me. Then I finally snapped and went off.
‘shut up, stop trying to insert yourself into my life just because yours is so boring. You’re just so jealous that you don’t have anyone to love you for Valentine’s Day except for your sisters.’ They just responded with ‘whaaat’ and went silent for a while.
The rest of the week just kind of went as us avoiding each other. We would be playing a game with some friends but if the other joined in, then the other would leave.
(Mostly me) I just couldn’t stand them as they were also just rude to one of my friends. We’re ‘friends’ now but I just secretly find how annoying they are and it just sometimes angers me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, deciding you don’t want to date someone is not leading them on. You were open to trying, you tried, but you realized it wouldn’t work. Leading someone on is encouraging someone’s affection when you know you don’t like them, usually because you like the attention or they are buying you gifts.
I’d bet on your friend who has a crush on Jacob.” Wrong-Construction40
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t intentionally lead him on, and you’re not obligated to pursue a relationship with someone who you don’t want to.” MurasakiYugata
17. AITJ For Making Plans With Someone Else?
“I was making plans with a friend to hang out that night. She stopped responding. I know she wasn’t at work because she had already told me she left work. I waited 30 minutes and called her but no response (she never answers when I call but I still call when we were making plans and she stops responding).
Another 30 minutes went by and still no response. So I made plans with someone else. I’m not going to sit at home all night and wait for her response.
She texts back 3 hours later and gets super annoyed because I made plans with someone else.
She makes up an excuse like ‘I didn’t hear my phone’, ‘I forgot my phone on silent’, ‘I was cleaning’, and ‘I was at the gym’. You were answering before so why did you stop all of the sudden?
I have friends who do those things too but they, also, respond to texts or answer calls. Then she goes on about how she has ADHD and she is unmedicated. Ok then don’t get mad because I made plans with someone else because you were not responding.
Last time I told her if she can’t make plans with someone, maybe she should be medicated. She keeps talking about how I need to be patient with her.
Mind you we’re not together or anything.
This situation happens frequently. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you did your due diligence to contact her and see what was going on. If she had to clean or go to the gym first, she needed to communicate that to you, instead of leaving you hanging.
We all have a finite amount of time and it’s a drag when you get stuck waiting for someone for a long time (3 hours is a really long wait!) And ADHD is no excuse, if it’s that bad she should look into medication or coping responses to help keep her on track.
She just seems inconsiderate.” confused_inquirer20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – while I sympathize with your friend, it’s not fair for her to expect you to put your life on hold waiting for her to get around to responding.
Along with that, if she’s going to use her ADHD as an excuse for her behavior, then she needs to get it dealt with. There are so many really good medicines out there with minimal side effects that can help her manage her condition.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Patience has limits. You need to set boundaries with her. Like if I call you twice and you don’t answer, I will make alternate plans, or I will only wait 15 minutes.
By not doing this you are allowing her to believe that she can use you only on her terms, with no regard for you. She is not the victim here.” unionmom4
16. WIBTJ If I Want My Roommate's Pets And Partner To Leave?
“So for context how my apartment situation works is you share an apartment with somebody but you have your own individual lease.
Recently, I had a new roommate move in and right off the bat, I kind of had a little bit of friction with her because she told me she was bringing 2 pets into our apartment and in actuality, she ended up bringing 6 cats with her.
Her partner has also been living with us since she moved in as well.
Anyways, I went to review the lease agreement (despite having individual leases they are all identical) and I noticed that it said there is only supposed to be only one occupant per bedroom and that overnight guests are not permitted for more than 3 consecutive days (and it has been 3 weeks at this point) and that each occupant is only allowed at most 1 pet.
I haven’t really tried talking to her or anything because I’m not really sure what to say and I really struggle with confrontation, but I’ve definitely been irritated with all the cats in this small apartment and how they get into everything (they walk on the counters, stovetop, always try to get into food which all of those are a HUGE ick for me).
I also have been irritated since she and her partner have basically been treating it as their own apartment instead of an apartment we share. So I want to ask, WIBTJ if I talk to the apartment complex about the number of pets living here and her partner living here.
On one hand, I feel like it’s a bit underhanded to go directly to the complex instead of talking with her first, but on the other hand, I feel like if she’s violating the lease that’s on her and not my responsibility to try and smooth it over with her in private.
EDIT:
Just to clarify, I did not choose to be roommates with this girl/know her prior to moving in or anything, we were randomly assigned roommates that the apartment complex assigned.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
6 pets and an SO in violation of the lease and therefore in violation of the living conditions you are contractually entitled to expect?
Are you a woman and did you have the option of requesting only female roommates?
If so, it’s particularly unacceptable that you are in the position of living with a man who is basically a stranger to you.
I can offer you a way to get plausible deniability on the ‘snitching’ (if you’re willing to risk having to move to a different apartment)… rather than reporting the lease violations, ask the complex if there is a different room available because, with the new tenant’s 6 cats and SO, your current apartment is too crowded. That way, when they come down on her, you can innocently explain that you just asked about the possibility of transferring your lease to a different apartment.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if the lease is clear then that’s all there is to it. They knew what they were agreeing to when they signed it. Moreover, you have to be able to treat a shared space as just that, shared when having a roommate.
It sounds like they just took over your apartment without including you in any discussion and then you’re left to work around their lives. That’s a really stressful and difficult way to live.
I definitely think if it’s impacting your life, you should talk to whoever is in charge of your lease.” confused_inquirer20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That said, reading thru the replies, it’s obvious these rental people don’t know how to screen applicants if she’s the replacement for someone else who got evicted.
The only reason I mention it is, that if you can find a way to talk to her, warn her that she’s forcing you to do this, and maybe give her a week FIRM to rehome the kitties, it might actually be more productive than dealing with the landlord.
The guy needs to leave NOW.
Either way, it’s your call and you’re still NTJ.” maricopa888
15. AITJ For Wanting To Be More Comfortable?
“So my dog has dirty teeth, and I want to get them cleaned. Usually, a vet does that, and they put the dog under anesthesia and all that.
I know of a vet that charges 800 of my country’s coin for the whole procedure, but he never gives appointments, it’s more of a first come first serve, or however you say that, and his clinic is not the cleanest. I have anxiety and it makes me very afraid to leave my dog there for x amount of time while my dog gets her teeth cleaned out, so I looked up another vet who can come to my home and clean my dog’s teeth here.
He would bring everything he needs to clean her teeth but he charges me 2,500.
I don’t currently work because I have severe depression (working on finding a job soon though) but I have some funds saved up from my parents who gave me on my birthday and Christmas and stuff which isn’t much but enough to pay for the vet to come to my home.
When one of my parents heard about my plan, they got really angry and told me that I wasn’t going to give away funds to the vet to come just because of my laziness.
I explained it was because of anxiety, not laziness, but they wouldn’t stop going on about how I was not going to do that and that I should give them the funds instead because we’re currently going through some hard times economically.
Now, even though my parents gave me money, I consider it a gift. Technically speaking, I didn’t actually earn it through work or anything like that. So, am I the jerk for wanting to get the vet to come to my home instead of taking my dog to the other vet and for being angry that my parent told me to hand them over the money instead?
Cause the way I see it If I’m having a hard time taking my dog to the vet because of my anxiety and fears, at least I tried to find an alternative and be responsible for my dog instead of neglecting her.
(One way or another I’ll have my dog’s teeth cleaned out, so don’t worry about that, I love my dog too much to neglect her like that.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you say, your parents gave you the finds as a gift, so you decide what it gets used for. Besides, you have a very valid case for wanting to do this at home.
As a fellow dog lover, I would love this option, because not only is it less stressful for me, it’s less stressful for the pup.
You didn’t mention whether you live with them or not, but if not, just tell them the subject is closed. If you do live with them, this is harder, but it’s still basically the same message.
You just might have to explain it a bit more.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“As a former veterinary technician, dental is a big deal. They’re under full anesthesia, they take longer than many surgeries do depending on how bad the teeth are, and they’re not low risk, even though many vets like to act as if they are.
Don’t go cheap on this. As for the vet who will come to your home… that’s kind of worrying as well because there’s no way that‘s a surgical environment and if something goes wrong, what resources would the vet have available to resuscitate your dog?
I would do some more research first. There are dental chews and rinses available that might help considerably, depending on your dog’s size and the condition of her teeth. Then I would keep looking for another veterinarian if that’s an option.
As for your parents… they can have an opinion but it’s your money and your dog and they lost the moral high ground when they demanded you hand the money over to them.
It was gifted to you… it’s yours, not theirs.
NTJ.” NoreastNorwest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
At the end of the day, your parents GIFTED you that money to do with it what you please.
In addition, your parents are not the ones looking after your dog. Therefore, they have no say in the circumstance. Especially if you live alone out of their household, who are they to say what you can and can’t do?
Don’t make them let you feel bad because you simply want the best care for you and your dog.” EternalOverthinking
14. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is A Bad Mom?
“My wife (39F) and I (42M) have a daughter that, for this post, I’ll be calling Emma (she’s 14F).
At the end of kindergarten, Emma was diagnosed with autism and a moderate learning disability. Since she did not require 24/7 care, we decided to enroll her in a special ed program at a regular primary school.
At first, my wife was scared that putting her in that class would only make her difficulties even worse, but after some time (and several PTA meetings) she accepted the fact that her daughter needed the extra help.
Now that Emma’s older and her classes are getting more challenging for her, she always needs help when doing her homework. I make time to sit down with her every day and do the work together, which my wife has never done.
I also help Emma get dressed every day before school, I make her lunch, I drive her there and I pick her up. My wife does everything in the house, but she will not engage with Emma unless I’m not there to be with her.
Since Emma’s going to start high school next September, my wife and I have to start thinking about how that’s gonna work. I suggested she goes to the same high school as most of her friends assuming she’s going to continue to go to special ed with them.
My wife, though, is set on her going to regular classes with no help whatsoever. Last week we had a fight about this and she told me she believed Emma was just being a difficult teenager and that’s the reason she wouldn’t know how to do her school work and still struggled to read at her age.
That’s when I said she was a bad mother. It took me a moment to realize what I had said but I think I do believe it. She was really hurt by what I said and has been spending the last few days at her parent’s house.
Sometimes, I think she might not care as much for Emma because she’s not the daughter she expected to have. I practically take all the responsibilities when it comes to her and even though I love being with my daughter, some help would be more than welcome.
My wife simply says she’s too busy at work (she’s a nurse) and that she doesn’t have any spare time to do anything with her.
I think I’m being unfair by calling her that, though.
I do believe this might just be a phase where she’s struggling to accept her daughter the way she is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like your wife could feel guilt over not having a ‘normal’ child.
That she failed.
She’s also probably upset that the time and energy involved in Emma’s precluded having another child.
Some people really don’t handle it well when their plan for their family gets derailed.
However, this is definitely your wife’s issue, and her problem to deal with, and you’re right that she’s being a bad mother. Denial isn’t going to change Emma into the daughter she wanted. If she’s unwilling to accept reality, then I’m afraid the responsibility for Emma is going to continue to fall on you, and it may involve stepping away from your wife if your wife continues this way.
I hope you can convince your wife to get counseling. Calling her a bad mother to her face, or to anyone that knows you, won’t help.
I wish you and Emma the best.” Aer0uAntG3alach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But wow. A lot going on. And the fact that she just left her daughter kinda confirms it. Is Emma on a 504 or IEP? Just keep them going.
HS will only get harder and there’s no way to the mainstream after 9 years and she’s still struggling. That’s not fair to her. Who cares what your wife thinks?
Kinda sounds like your life would just be less stressful if it was just you and Emma. Who knows what she says when you’re not there? I would get Emma and you in counseling and let your wife keep doing as she pleases.
To be honest, I came here to vote differently but NTJ.” stahppppnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Often parents of autistic children make wrong choices for their children. This is one of those situations.
By sending her to a regular high school, not only is your wife setting her up for failure, she’s putting your child in an environment where she could be potentially bullied. Not to mention separating her from her friends.
It could be possible that since your wife sounds like she doesn’t spend a lot of quality time with Emma, she doesn’t know the extent of how much she struggles, and you as the parent who spends the most time with her, do understand.
I’m not a parent at all. I’m hardly even an adult being only 18, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt, but I do suggest your wife try and spend more time with your daughter before they become even more distant than they probably already are.
It’s not too late to mend the relationship. Communicate with each other.” KingCaepio
13. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate Holidays In Peace?
“Before our parents passed, they wanted at least one of us to become legal guardian to our autistic brother (he’s in a group home so it wouldn’t be physical care, but we’d be in charge of his affairs, make medical decisions, constant advocacy, meetings, etc).
He is nonverbal and has the mental capacity of a toddler but is still 6’2″ and over 300 lbs, and needs CONSTANT supervision.
I (40f) am staunchly child-free due to being heavily parentified as a kid (since parents had their hands full with my brother who was 2 years younger than me, they decided it was a genius idea to have another child then I got stuck basically raising my sister who is 8 years younger than me) until he got put in a group home at 11 years old because he was aggressive.
Even when he was in the group home, I saw the constant work it was being his legal guardian for my parents even when he wasn’t home, my sister was too young to remember most of it.
My parents tried to present being guardian as ‘no big deal’ and ‘very little work’ because he is already in the group home, I know what a crock that is and noped right out.
But my sister drank the Kool-aid my parents were feeding us and agreed to become a guardian. I knew it’d only be a matter of time before she cracked.
She is the mother of 3 small kids (a 5-year old girl and two-year-old twin boys, one of which is suspected to be on the spectrum but not confirmed at this time, he is verbal, however), so I get it she’s got her hands full.
About a month after our last parent passed, she took over guardianship (hubby and I jokingly made bets on how long she’d last before begging me to take over).
She now wants me to take over guardianship because ‘it’s too much work with 3 small children’ she glared at me when I said, ‘I told you so.’ Not only that, she wants me and my husband to stop taking our Xmas vacation abroad (like we do every year) to help her and BIL bring him home for Xmas every year just as mom and dad did, but because he’s huge (6’2″ 300 lbs) and insanely strong with the mentality of a toddler (plus they have their kids to watch) they want us to come and help out.
I told her I don’t tell her how to live her life and she is not going to tell me how to live mine, that I’ve already parented (against my will) and I’m done.
That if it’s too much, I won’t judge her for signing over her guardianship to the state, she’s mad at me because ‘that’s not what mom and dad would’ve wanted, the state won’t do a good job’ and that I should step up because she has kids and I don’t.
And I said she had no right trying to dictate my and my husband’s holiday plans, she says I’m being selfish and it’s one day a year.
Every. Single. Xmas. Was RUINED throughout my life because of him and it’s only within the past several years that I stopped dreading the holidays because I get to do what I want for once.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments
“I’m gonna say ‘no jerks here’ (other than your parents). Your sister had no real way of knowing how much work guardianship would be since she didn’t really see it firsthand and your parents were dishonest with her about it.
However, that doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to take over.
People may have different opinions but me having a severely autistic aggressive brother in a group home as well, I’m dreading the day my parents are too old to be his guardians anymore.
I’m also a child free and while I don’t want to give his guardianship to a social worker I think I’m going to have to because being parentified, especially to a kid who is so much work and ruined my life till the day I moved out, is no joke and has made me never want to be responsible for another person again.
You didn’t choose to have a kid so you shouldn’t be responsible.” SeparateTea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister wouldn’t be either if she had simply stated that she couldn’t handle it and let the state take guardianship, instead of using your child-free status to try to pressure you into taking over.
But yes, your parents were HUGE jerks: for parentifying you, for neglecting you and your sister in favor of your brother, and for expecting you or your sister to be responsible for your brother after they were gone instead of setting up guardianship.
And bringing a large adult with the mental capacity of a toddler out of a stable environment for one very busy and energetic day a year is a very bad idea, regardless of what your parents would have wanted. Better for them to visit him in the environment that he is acclimated to.” plm56
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Someone has to be your brother’s legal guardian, I understand why you don’t want to do it, and I understand why your sister is overwhelmed doing it.
If you and your sister do sign over guardianship to the state, at least check in regularly to make sure your brother is OK. He deserves to have someone on his side.
BUT. These Christmas visits need to end. If your brother can’t safely come to visit her and her family for the holidays, that’s sad but something that everyone needs to accept. She could visit him on Christmas Eve or Christmas afternoon in the group home, where he’s in familiar surroundings and there is staff to supervise him.
That will probably be much easier on him, since he won’t have nearly as much disruption to his daily routine, and will be much safer for everyone.” Scrabblement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You refused to take over guardianship because you know the work that goes into it, and you’ve already sacrificed a great deal more than you should have as a child. You were the oldest and most likely the scapegoat: ‘OP will help, OP will take care of this and if she doesn’t, that is a failing on her part.’ But I ask you to look at it from your sister’s perspective: it sounds like she might have been the golden child, or at least not the scapegoat.
That was really fortunate for her in many ways and unfortunate for her in other ways.
How it is both unfortunate/fortunate: she has been shielded from the difficult aspects of taking care of her brother for the majority of her life.
In addition, I would venture to bet that when you (rightfully) noped out of taking over guardianship of your brother, your sister was severely pressured by your family to do so. And as the possible golden child, she has been trained since childhood in o appease and give in, in order to maintain the status quo that offers her protection from the pain you were dealt by her parents.
Now, your parents are gone, and you two have grown into what your parents have raised you to become in some respects: you, someone who will assert their boundaries and thoughts because that has played a fundamental part in your casting as the black sheep, and she will be compelled to do what your parents want, even after death, because she has seen what rebelling costs and probably knows no other way.
I say that to say this: you are right and your sister is wrong. But perhaps offer her a bit more grace while standing firm in your boundaries; as terribly as you were treated, one thing you were forced to do is stand by your thoughts and feelings.
She most likely never was, and while she may have been favored as a child and adult, there is no denying that your parents stunted her growth as a healthy adult in some way as well.” Legitimate_Essay_221
12. AITJ For Not Being Happy That I Don't Have Student Loans?
“I don’t have a great relationship with my parents. Growing up they were very cheap and often saved funds to the detriment of my health.
I needed fillings as a teenager and they didn’t want to pay for them so they just told me to brush my teeth more. The cavities turned into infections. I was crying and begging my parents before they got time to a dentist and I needed a root canal.
Even then they waited a week before they found a dentist that gave them a discount because the original dentist was more expensive at which time I was screaming and crying because I couldn’t bear it anymore.
I also didn’t get glasses until I started working. I had good grades but I could barely see and had to be right in front of the whiteboard. I told my parents but they didn’t want to pay for glasses so I was bullied really badly but they told me to just ignore it and study.
They want to spend the money to dress me nicely so I wore 1 or 2 outfits I had and was bullied badly for it and I was so depressed but they didn’t care just telling me to study or do my chores.
They never talked to me apart from telling me my grades weren’t good enough and to do my chores. Even when my grandma passed away, I wasn’t allowed to the funeral because I would have missed school.
We weren’t poor, we owned our own home and had 2 cars that were pretty nice but my parents never wanted to spend a lot unless it was for things they could brag about.
I finished college this year with 58k of student loans and my parents presented me with the full payment saying they had been saving it for years. It was the only time in my life they told me good job.
I know I should be grateful but the tooth pain and not being able to see for years and missing grandma’s funeral just so they could pay off my students loans made me mad knowing they had the budget.
They were so proud they saved up but I was not happy telling them I didn’t want it. I already have a job that pays 90k out of college so I can easily pay it off myself and I don’t want them to think the ways they saved funds were ok.
They were calling me ungrateful for not being happy I don’t have student loans but I would have preferred having student loans over having to live like we were in poverty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and no you shouldn’t be grateful to neglectful jerks, it’s one thing to save funds by limiting extras (toys, games, etc), it’s very much another to do it to the detriment of someone’s health.
Your parents are trying to manipulate you, they want to try and pretend they are decent parents by doing this now and try and make you forget every time they screwed you over and will use that money as an excuse for any past AND future trashy behavior.
Don’t accept the money and honestly consider carefully how much further contact you want with people who failed to meet the bare minimum of legal parenting (neglect is a criminal offense in many places).” StrykerC13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, let’s get this straight – you wanted parents who cared and took care of you and your health, the very things parents are legally responsible for. Instead, you got parents who deliberately let you suffer so they could look good to those around you when they tell them they paid off your student loans.
No one who truly loves their child would torture him and make him suffer such prolonged agony. Sorry, they were negligent, physically and mentally abusive (I say physically because their deliberate neglect making you suffer physical harm).
You are right. All they care about is themselves and how they can make themselves center of attention around others.
I had terrible parents myself and kept going back hoping they would see what they did, subconsciously hoping they would love me.
It just enabled them to continue scarring me.
They will never change as they have shown they don’t care enough for you to think they did wrong. Only if they think it will look bad on them will they act sorry and try and gaslight you into feeling guilty.
Honestly, go No Contact with them. All they want is to use your hard work as their accomplishment, when they did nothing to help, like make sure you could see. Any update or info on your job will be paraded around as if they care as a thin show to others.
You owe them nothing. They didn’t even care enough to do the minimum legal requirement and get you the medical treatment or medical aid (glasses) that you needed.
I know it’s hard and we still have a love for our parents even when they are awful.
I know we do feel guilty but you need to put yourself first. You couldn’t stand up for yourself as a child so now is when you should try and make sure they know it was never okay.
Go NC and live a good life without ever having to face their manipulation, and neglect drama again. Whatever you do if you ever have any, never ever subject/endanger your children by letting them near.
Be proud of yourself. You managed all your achievements, on your own, in spite of your parent neglect and abuse.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but listen… take that money. You earned it.
Your parents will likely never understand how badly they messed up and how much they traumatized you because people suck. 58k can change your life. You don’t have to pay off all of your student loans, you can continue to pay those monthly and use that money for a down payment on a home, hire a financial advisor to help you invest and start solid savings, etc. you can’t change the past but please don’t be too stubborn and angry to accept what you deserve.” User
11. AITJ For Hurting My Coworker's Feelings?
“I currently work at a grocery chain, I’m a cashier and love my job.
While most of our courtesy clerks (baggers) are high schoolers, they’re fast and catch things if they’re missed (like water cases or big items left in the carts behind us as they pass).
They’re awesome and I credit a lot to them and show them gratitude when they point out something I’ve missed because they help the time overall because I don’t need to go back and fix what I missed. They all got hired around the same time and have steadily improved as the months have passed except for one girl I’ll call O.
O only works on weekends and as with all the clerks, I was kind and gave her tips on how to bag (soft with soft, cold with cold, meat separate from everything else, etc.).
It’s been 4 months since she started and I now hate when she gets in my lane because she’s SO SLOW. I gave her some leeway because she only works weekends and she’s only 17 but my gentle encouragement has run its course with her.
I have told her to pick up her pace in private and how good she is at separating the groceries and loading the cart but when I can scan an entire cart overflowing with food and she’s only finished bagging one bag by the time I turn around, it can be frustrating especially when I have a long line waiting their turn and the people in our town can turn sour if they wait longer than 5 minutes to get through.
My advice however fell on deaf ears it seems. Last week, I mentioned to my manager that O wasn’t really showing much improvement and needed lots of hand-holding. She said she knew.
It had been complained about by almost every cashier.
Last night, I was the closer and the only cashier left. I had a line that ran an entire aisle. My manager hopped on another register and it was honestly kind of a mess.
We weren’t anticipating that many people that late in the evening. I finish scanning and checking out my customer and turn to find O staring off into the distance and not bagging while food piled up into a massive heap in front of her.
I snapped her name and she jumped and looked at me and I said, ‘lLt’s go O move it we have to get this bagged I can’t have you standing there not doing your job.’ And began speed bagging the groceries.
She started bagging them too and I could tell I hurt her feelings. She immediately left me to scan and bag everyone else’s groceries on my own and went off to who knows where because even my manager asked where she had vanished to.
Later, I got heard from one of the other baggers saying O was in the bathroom crying and had told them that I yelled at her in front of everyone and she was hurt and embarrassed. Honestly, I don’t care that I hurt her feelings, 4 months of hand-holding for her to still not be able to do her job is more than enough for me.
But my friend said I might have been in the wrong for the way I handled it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Are you a manager or in a leadership position? If the answer is No. YTJ.
If you are in a leadership position because you put yourself there because you’ve been there xxx years. YTJ. She’s 17. She probably hates this job and can’t wait to not be doing it.
Frankly, you are the reason I only use self-checkout and bag my own stuff.” stahppppnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get your frustration and you took the appropriate channels.
You went to management, who have received complaints about O already — what have they done to remedy O, anyway?
They’re her managers. If she is underperforming, that blame falls on managers who are supposed to train the staff and keep everyone in working order.
You spoke to her softly and encouragingly first. Multiple times even, right?
It’s not your job to tell her how to do hers, but when her work is becoming your problem, what else are you to do?
Besides, you didn’t insult her, you said pick up the pace.
She was staring into space. WAKE UP, O. It’s a job and you’re there for a reason. I get that O is 17 — and acts like it — but O is going to need to improve in more ways than one if O wants to keep a job.” Day_psycho
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re a cashier but you seem to be convinced you’re her boss. Say something to leadership if you like but at the end of the day if she makes people wait it’s her not you.
You’re allowed to get frustrated, of course, and these things happen but it sounds like you’re acting like you’re in a higher position than you are. I’d also like to point out that all your compliments about the other baggers were about how they fix your errors.
Maybe focus on your job, not theirs.” tipareth1978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The manager is probably about to fire her for deserting the both of you to check out and bag all of those customers’ groceries all by yourselves, on top of all of the other complaints the rest of the cashiers have made about her.” theDagman
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's The Problem?
“I (16) have a really rocky relationship with my (36F) Mother.
We were really close during my childhood years, however, I noticed she treated me as a best friend more than a daughter. She expected me to take care of her and even emotionally support her as well.
This really damaged me growing up and I didn’t notice until I was maybe 12 or 13. She constantly told me how I never should be depressed because she had it worse. Even to the point, she said my therapist needs to stop putting ideas of Anxiety and Depression in my head.
(I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and clinical depression).
Recently at about the age of 15, I moved out of her home and with another family member. Although my mom and I don’t get along, she always does birthdays well, she said she would never miss one.
Even if that included me moving. Though when my 16 birthday came up, I begged her to come and she said she has the worst experiences here and never wants to come back.
I excepted things as it was until my brother’s birthday came up.
Once I moved, I took care of his birthday decorations, and she informed me she was coming. This really broke my heart because she said she was never coming back and that’s why she didn’t come for my birthday.
On the night before his birthday, my mom called me saying ‘do you have decorations for his party?’ Him being in the room with me, I didn’t want to tell her yes.
She yells and laughs and goes ‘Wow, you promised you would do it. You said you would. Wow, way to go big sister’ and hung up. I did decorate and then texted her how she needed to stop underestimating me and how I would never let him down as she let me down.
She did not take it well and said, ‘You’re being an ungrateful brat, Move on you gotta stop living in the past.’ Then proceeded to get mad at me for changing my name and not wanting her to call me by my dead name (which is all stuff I did months ago, by the way).
I was mad and told her to stop blaming me for things that are very much her fault and that she lives in the past every day by bringing up how I abandoned her and left her.
She blew up at me and just said to stop making her feel terrible.
So AITJ for telling her she was the problem?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Based on the ages, it sounds like your mother had children young and was probably not mentally/emotionally prepared for the effort it takes to raise another human being.
You did the right thing by trying to find a more supportive environment. You can try and request a calm conversation with her, but I doubt that is going to happen with her.
Just try and distance yourself from her as best you can for your own sanity.” I_Have-A_Secret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if she gets mad to tell her that once you’re an adult you’re gone and she can be alone forever she’d have no one to blame but herself.
Because no one likes dealing with a self-entitled narcissist who’d rather be right than actually be around people that love them.” SmOkEyDaY1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like mom has a whole set of issues she needs to work out.
It’s never ok to treat a kid with that much disdain. I’m sorry your mom seems to be very toxic and manipulative. Therapy is a great idea, and I’m glad you seem to be prioritizing your well-being.
I hope you have another guardian who is able to be present and compassionate towards you.” confused_inquirer20
9. AITJ For Being Harsh To My Mother?
“My (F16) grandma (mom’s mom) has Alzheimer’s. There is a 50-50 chance of it being hereditary.
I have seen what it has done to my grandma as well as how it has affected my mother and her siblings and therefore, have a lot of anxiety revolving around this.
My mother has a ton of stress (making her more susceptible to the disease) and knows how anxious it makes me when she forgets something. She also hates to think about that ‘what-if’ and immediately shuts the topic down.
Two days ago, she called me to tell me that she forgot I had a holiday for my classes and went there (it’s far) to pick me up.
This worried me and ate me up for two days.
Finally, I messaged her partner today and asked him if he could inform her doctor about this incident without her finding out.
That is when he told me that she was actually working late that night and forgot to inform everyone at home (we live with my paternal family) and didn’t know how they would react which is why she used this excuse.
I have covered for her with the family on multiple occasions so I don’t understand why she would lie to me.
I was angry. I confronted her (calmly) about it. She broke down and started crying, saying ‘will nothing I do ever be enough for you’ and ‘let me beg for forgiveness’ and basically became the victim.
Her partner says I shouldn’t have done that because I know her mental health has been bad lately but I do not believe that is a good enough reason for her to scare me like that.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but it seems like you’re just genuinely worried. You sound like you may have some underlying mental health condition like anxiety or maybe OCD but I am not a psychiatrist, however, it could be good for you to get checked yourself.
You sound just like my mother in 2020, she didn’t let me leave the house or hang out with anybody for months, even when there were no restrictions on that. If I forgot to sanitize my hands, she would ask me if I was trying to kill her.
That kind of control can only be detrimental to your mother’s health. My mom also likes to throw the ‘nothing I do is good enough for you’ but only during her extreme bouts of anxiety and irrational thinking, which I understand.
She is a lovely woman and has done a good job raising me. However here it doesn’t sound like your mother was honestly pulling that card. It sounds like you honestly just overwhelmed her.
Please stop being a jerk to your poor mother.
The anxiety my mother had manifested in her being overly controlling on a lot of things in my life, which has caused a lot of issues that she has had to work through.
Literally, there is nothing you can do. Forgetting minor stuff is literally common, I forget things every day multiple times a day. I have ADHD but there could be a billion reasons why she forgot it.” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say soft YTJ. I understand that having a family member be sick is terrifying. I also know that, at least for me, Alzheimer’s is one of the top scary ones.
Just don’t come for your mom. My mom had cancer for 6 years. She was doing really really well and I had a really hard time talking about it.
About 7 months ago I SCREAMED at her, please I can’t talk about this, I need a little attention on my life right now.
She passed three months ago. I regret everything and I have said this to her. It’s scary. Having a sick parent is scary, but your mom isn’t sick and she may never become sick.
Treat her kindly. Take some of the stress off of her. Let her know it’s because you care. And then get some therapy. Talk to someone about your fears. Fears can be overwhelming.” itsasher_notasscher
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, you’re allowed to feel scared but your total overreaction to your mother forgetting something every now and then is not okay. People forget things sometimes it’s normal and that doesn’t mean they have dementia.
Your emotions are something you need to control, losing it on someone for no reason other than your own feelings about something they can’t control is quite frankly a bullying situation.
You need therapy to help you control your feelings about this and learn to live with this because it’s a part of your family.
Otherwise, you will push the ones you love away and hurt them in the process.
Apologize to your mother.” Anewstageinlife
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay To Install New Handrails?
“I own a small coffee shop that shares a door to a retail store and we collectively share a stairwell to the basement where a small art shop (AS for short) resides.
The basement consists of my bathroom, storage room, and utility sink room. The AS is located in the basement on the left. The stairwell down is fairly long with no reliefs for American standards but does include a handrail.
The issue is that the AS wants to install another handrail as it’s the only way to access their store, I am in favor of having a second handrail if they need it.
The problem is that they are asking me to pay for half of the project. It’s more expensive than you would think due to the length and other factors including the wall having different depths at certain spots (it’s an old building).
I don’t think that I should have to pay for another handrail as I already have a functional one that has been in operation for 26 years. When I told them that they seemed quite bothered, saying that there is a special grant I can get.
I told them they have permission to install it, but I am not comfortable paying for it as I do not need it.
In case you’re curious: My store is up to code.
The AS is new as of last summer. I don’t own the building. Times are tough, I can’t be spending extra on things I don’t need.
AITJ, for refusing to pay for a handrail in a shared space?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t own the property so ultimately it’s up to the property manager. If they are giving permission to have it done then it’s up to the people who want it done to pay for it.
Since you don’t care about it then it’s on the owner of the art shop to pay for it.” Ranos131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is one handrail not sufficient for them?
If the building meets the code and you have no further obligation, then you are fine.
You are being generous by allowing the handrail to be installed. They need it, then they pay for it.
I’d advise you to get the handrail installed by a professional and not just let anybody with a screwdriver mount a handrail that could come off the wall and somebody using it to descend stairs end up in the hospital. This happened at a friend of mine’s house where he installed a handrail using drywall anchors and didn’t even hit a stud, so the thing of course ripped out of the wall.
Edit: saw a comment from you that you’re not the owner, you should add this to the OP. A professional needs to install this. And since it doesn’t improve your business, you don’t need to pay for it.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t own the property then you don’t need to pay half. The art store needs to go to the property owner or manager and ask them to get it installed or to pay part of the cost.” Reason_Training
7. AITJ For Not Being Happy About My Friend's Pregnancy?
“My best friend (23F) and I (23F) have been best friends since kindergarten. I moved 1,000 miles away shortly after graduation but we still talk and she’s even taken her first plane ride to visit me.
She is my sister. I had a rough childhood because my dad was barely there and my mom was a heavy drinker, blaming me and my sister for her problems so I have a stigma about having kids when you’re not ready.
In January, she told me that she was pregnant. I was the first person she told. She and the dad have only been together for 9 months. I’ve never met him in person.
He already has another son who isn’t even 2 yet. So I asked, are you sure he actually pulled out? She got upset and said it was probably an accident. He works 2 jobs so he’s a hardworking man, but I cannot get over the stories she’s told me about him.
He complained about seeing her on her birthday, constantly forgets that he promised to hang out with her, and even got mad that she wanted him to meet her mother. The more time passes, the less excited I feel.
When we were on FaceTime, she said do you want to say hi to my best friend? He pushed the phone out of his face and she said he’s just shy.
When she told him that she was pregnant, he got a little too excited and told his family before she had the chance to decide if she was keeping it or not.
I think he trapped her like she was property. She claims that they love each other (after 9 months?).
I asked about her plans financially, especially without having a college degree in today’s age and she said she’ll figure it out.
She has a part-time job and does customizations for various things like phone cases. She also said that she’ll sign up for WIC (Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children).
They don’t even live together. She has an amazing family with tons of support and she’s asked me to be the Godmother. I said yes and I’m gonna support her throughout the entire pregnancy and afterward.
I have no doubt that her family will help her mentally and financially. I feel like I’m faking the excited feeling just because of our relationship.
Before her pregnancy, she had a drinking problem.
She drank entire bottles of wine almost every night. I tried confronting her but she got mad and said it was normal. When I visited, we went to a casino and I was the designated driver.
She drank an entire bottle of wine before we even got to the casino and went to different bars. When we got back to her place, she drank another half a bottle.
I am an EXTREMELY light sleeper and she kept screaming cause she was playing 2K. I asked her to please be quieter cause it was 3 am and I was tired. She told me to get over it so I said that I would be leaving to go to a hotel and she said bye.
I see my mother in her and I’m terrified she’ll make the same mistake of having children and regretting it later. Especially because the dad is giving me ‘bad dad’ vibes, and didn’t explain what happened between him and his other ‘bad mom’.
AITJ for feeling this way? I’m pessimistic and I know this would hurt her feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling what you feel, but it’s what you do with those feelings that matter.
My best friend got pregnant by a man I hated because he was mistreating her. It was painful to watch from the sidelines BUT when she finally got the courage to leave him, she knew I would be there to support her through it.
So all you can do is make sure that she knows that no matter what, she has you and she will always be safe with you, so if poop hits the fan (which it sadly sounds like it will) you can help her.” Charming-Ad-2381
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe he’s just really immature, but your account of his conduct really tickles my reproductive abuser’s funny bone. He’s now having a second kid with a second woman by 23yo; despite being a young father he’s still practicing one of the least effective ‘birth control’ methods; he is averse to developing any level of relationship with her friends and family (angry about mom, won’t even say hi to the future godmother of his child); and then tells his parents without consulting her first.
Again, maybe he’s just too emotionally insecure to understand the implications of what he’s done, or maybe you’re right and he’s trying to trap her into an inescapable situation.
Obviously the latter would be worse, but the former isn’t much better anyway. Reproductive coercion is possibly the most insidious form of coercion, but an emotionally disconnected, intimacy-averse father/partner without the capacity to understand the implications of his actions isn’t much better.
Unfortunately, she sounds every bit as unprepared for motherhood as he does for fatherhood, given her drinking problem. I think you’re right to be less than enthusiastic about your bestie’s prospects in this, and it’s got to be hard from a thousand miles away where you can’t really be there to help if she falls.
The problem is if you voice your misgivings, she’s likely to push you out of her life. You kinda gotta sit on it and hope for the best so you can be there to support her if this goes the way you fear it will.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no obligation to feel excited about anything, including babies. There are numerous red flags waving furiously, but there’s nothing you can do about your friend’s choices.
Consider sorting what feelings are about your past and don’t let them cloud what’s going on here and now.
You may want to consider that any negative statement toward her bf drives her away. If he’s abusive, that goes to his advantage. Just reassure her that she can always reach out to you and you’ll have her back.
That said, don’t put up with abuse from her. The drinking, the casino story, it sounds like she’s not in a position to be a good friend to you. Some people you have to feed with a long-handled spoon.” flaky-burnt
6. AITJ For Not Being Empathetic?
“So, my partner has 2 daughters: T (10yo) and A (16yo). Great relationship. We will have them for the next 2 weeks during vacation. My partner told me T’s best friend, R (10yo) is gonna spend the vacation with us.
I had absolutely no issue with that. It’s T’s best friend, my partner tells me he knows them, T’s mom is a friend of R’s mom.
All great.
After having R for 2 days, I just realized my partner doesn’t know anything about her.
R told my partner she likes having Brazilian bracelets cause you can make a wish and every time, she wishes for her parents’ death. She is also hurting herself because she wants to be punished for things she can’t explain.
At this point, I told my partner I wasn’t comfortable with that and I felt like the kid was weird. He said I was being paranoid.
She also has no social behavior.
She asks a question x times even if you are in the middle of something, insist if you don’t give your attention, leave in the middle of the answer or talk to someone else while you are answering.
She has ZERO notion of space. She will push you to get to her point, will walk on you if she wants something, sit on half of you on the couch, and walks on your feet to watch something behind you.
She went to my partner yesterday and told him about her breasts… Today, I ask her to draw a witch and she asked me if I wanted her with a big chest. Later today, she showed me some vulgar hand signs.
It’s totally normal kids are interested in that. But it’s a lot in not even 2 days.
R likes to smell little rocks and put them in her nose. A told me she isn’t able to spend 2 weeks with R and mentioned all the weird things I mentioned and MORE (they share the same room).
T spends her time telling R how to act properly and told me she is also uncomfortable with things R says. They both came to me ON THEIR OWN. My partner doesn’t want to bring her back as he already accepted. I told my partner I was gonna leave till she leaves cause that situation is near dangerous.
That’s typically the kind of situation where she could say WE were inappropriate with her.
I told him he was a jerk for bringing a kid around he barely knows like she’s a piece of furniture and he told me I was a jerk for leaving and just giving up when things are getting tough without making any effort.
At first, I felt zero guilt. But, I know the girls feel better I am here and can talk to me about that. Also, I feel like I am not acting as a team and I may be the jerk for that.
Edit: talked to my partner and he told me he already babysat R and she was totally normal. This is why he accepted to have her for a week (I didn’t know that).
T confirmed that’s the first time she sees R acting that way. We feel like it’s new. R said she is hurting herself because of her parents’ divorce. A came to tell my partner (her father) about other stuff R does and my partner was speechless cause he hasn’t noticed or heard.
My partner will call the mom tomorrow and is already talking about bringing R back. He also feels like there is some kind of mistreatment so he won’t stay with her alone.
He understood A was uncomfortable which he hasn’t noticed and said there is no way his kids have to suffer from that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think you should leave the girls either.
If you can’t talk all together you can explain to the girls what you’re thinking and ask if they want to come with you. After that you can talk to your SO, if everyone wants to leave he will be forced to come with you to take the girl back.
If he wants to continue the vacation, you can discuss it better when you’re at home. Also, you have to alert the other girl’s family.” Trick-Attention-5870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but take the kids with you.
Your partner should respect, at the very least, his literal children’s discomfort around this kid. He has no real obligation to keep them, just call their parents and let them know that you won’t be able to take care of them anymore.
If you’re far away, give them the benefit of the doubt and help them take the kid back. Otherwise, you lose absolutely nothing and should go ahead and protect yourself and the kids.” User43217
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being concerned. I once had a cousin who was like R and acted inappropriately with my little siblings. My mom learned about it and she immediately went to her cousin’s mom about it and now my cousin is taught how that’s not appropriate.
I had hoped she wasn’t abused, but we did suspect she was. Fortunately for us, her mom took care of it immediately.
It looks like your bf finally saw the truth and is now remedying the situation, which makes me happy, but I hope R gets the help she needs.” AlternativeAlias42
5. AITJ For Leaving My Ex-Best Friend Alone?
“I (23F) and my ex-best friend/roommate (25F), who will be named Jessica, moved out of town with me.
I got hired for a job that was out of my hometown. I was excited and started telling my friends and family.
And I regret it.
Originally, Jessica followed me out of town without me inviting her. I didn’t have the heart to say no because her family’s pressure was on me.
Jessica has had depression and anxiety since I met her in middle school.
Since then I have been her rock, her babysitter, and her best friend. Whatever her request, or her family’s request, I would take care of her. She couldn’t be near sharp objects and CAN NOT be left unsupervised.
Becoming roommates, I have not been able to do simple things I like, such as: Playing video games, going out, or hanging out with friends. I had to cancel most plans because her episodes would start.
I did everything so she could feel comfortable since we were all alone in a new town. Rent and bill wise, Jessica is always late or would not pay. I wouldn’t ask for the money because it was a sensitive topic for her because she would envy how much I was earning.
In 2020, I lost my job and started to lie around the apartment. Jessica still had to go to work since she was an essential worker. I would still clean and cook, but Jessica would look at me and say, ‘Must be nice.’ It was her passive-aggressive word.
I tried not to pay attention but it hurt. It was going like that for months and I decided to just not have much contact with her. I moved my gaming stuff into my room because I just wanted to get away from it.
I was growing tired of always doing her laundry, cleaning, and cooking. Everything was done for her by her family, and I couldn’t take it anymore, but I still pushed through because of our friendship.
I got her everything she wanted, a vacation, a whole new room, and cosigned on a new car for her since her old one would break down on a freeway.
I got a job working at a restaurant, working nights, so I wouldn’t be able to cook anymore.
Most nights, Jessica would go out to eat with her ‘friends’ and let me fend for myself. I met my current significant other (25F) Lucia. I started to see her more to the point where I would live at her place, but still, pay my portion of the rent of my apartment.
I started noticing that Jessica would envy Lucia for all the attention and money I would spend on her. Jessica started to call me out saying very rude things, deleted messages. I think she did it for attention, but she admitted herself into a Behavioral Institute.
She called me saying she needed me to pay her $1,000 to get out. I did have the budget but the rent was coming up. She told me not to tell her parents, and I didn’t, but since I wasn’t going to pay, she ended up calling her parents.
She blames me.
She left the apartment randomly and took everything besides the big items.
I don’t know where she is and since then lost all contact.
So AITJ? Was I wrong to leave her alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It should have never been your responsibility to be her ‘rock’. Especially not since meeting her in middle school. It seems like her parents semi-parentified you and then everyone expected you to take care of an adult without ever really giving you a choice.
It is a crappy situation but you are allowed to live your own life without feeling obligated to put it aside for someone else who should have a support structure other than you.” dragonvpm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it’s awful she has major mental health issues, it’s not your job to lose your life because of it. You were a good friend to her and she treated you like a doormat.
If her family was that concerned, they wouldn’t have paid to get her out. She’s an adult. It’s time she takes care of herself or her family steps up.
You go and enjoy your life with your SO.” jnnmommy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a good way for you to start learning what your boundaries are for others and begin setting them.
Never ever cosign loans for friends. Your heart was in the right place, though, but you could totally be shafted a second time if she stops paying for her car. I used to be a super helper but honestly, you can only love and support others so much if they’re not willing to help themselves.” Crazyhowthatworks304
4. AITJ For Being Frustrated That My Partner Is Going To A Festival Without Me?
“My partner and I made up the deal that I will go with her to her first festival last October. And our motto back then was when 1 can’t, the other shouldn’t go too.
Now back to the present: In September there is a den upcoming Festival. The only problem is that you need to get an invitation code through your uni. It’s randomized.
She got one and I did not.
She said she still will go and I was really sad about it.
Today, the topic came back up and I just started crying because lately, she doesn’t care anymore if I am there or not.
She even said, ‘I don’t care if you are there, just anybody (from our friend group) is fine.’
Now, she is mad at me because I destroy peace in the house and I should just be happy for her that she can go.
I got mad because I already tried to hide my tears and she still blames me for ruining the peace.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for wanting to control what your partner attends.
In a relationship, all involved should be able to do things without the other without being guilt-tripped or emotionally guilted.
It’s ok for you to express how sad it makes you that you can’t go with them and it’s unfortunate that you didn’t get a ticket but sometimes these things happen.
Sometimes our partners get fun and enjoyable opportunities we can’t join in on and that’s ok.
Why not plan an activity for the future you can both enjoy?” PairFriendly877
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are literally preventing her from having fun just because you can’t. How are you crying about that? Are you 13? That is very selfish. It sounds like the problem is more that you don’t trust her and want to supervise her.” IAmNotJohnHS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get where you’re coming from. You probably wouldn’t go if the situation was reversed. Your concern is (and I agree with you) that she’s more concerned about herself having a good time than how you feel.
It’s a legitimate concern you have. My advice; You go out that day and you have an awesome time with friends who aren’t going to this festival. Have your own party. Don’t be sitting at home feeling bad.
NTJ. And she may not be the right person for you.” No-Razzmatazz537
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t get all of the comments being mean for crying about this. Some people cry easier than others and that’s completely fine.
It’s understandable that you’re upset as you had a deal and you always honored it and she doesn’t want to but I feel like it was a bad idea from the beginning.
If you couldn’t attend the festival because of sickness, exams, and work then I think it would be reasonable to expect her not to go but the tickets to this festival were a gamble and it was likely that not both of you would get tickets.
You should’ve discussed what to do in that case beforehand and it seems like you didn’t so she’s not the jerk either. OP please let her enjoy this and find something else you can do together even if it won’t be her first festival then it will still be your first festival as a couple and that’s just as special.” sillydr4in
3. AITJ For Being Overprotective Of My Sister?
“Me (19M) and my younger sister (12F) recently moved away from my parents in Daegu (South Korea) to Seoul.
The reason for moving was for my school and they offered my sister a place as well, so since I am now the legal age, I could bring her with me. I am taking on a big responsibility by moving away with her, but I feel like I am being too overprotective.
I don’t let her go to parties or date boys at school. I also don’t like her staying out too late; I want her to be home by 18:00 ish every night.
It is a big change from life back in Daegu, she was allowed out all the time with her friends and she had a ‘partner.’ But that was because we knew the area well; neither of us had ever been to Seoul before we move here.
Should I give her more freedom? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard being in a new city without the extra pressure you now have of a new school AND becoming a temporary guardian for your little sister.
Here’s the thing though – you aren’t her parent, and it’s not like your parents have passed away or are otherwise indisposed… you guys are just away from school.
You don’t really have the right to enforce all of the rules you are right now, and you’re going to quickly make her resent you for changing things so drastically.
The curfew makes sense (not exactly the time, but maybe 20:00?). – new city, new dangers – but limiting her social life to pretty much nothing when she was used to more is beyond drastic.
Even if she’s only 12, which to me is a little young for partying and relationships… she’s at an important age for socialization and you shouldn’t just take that away from her.
Soft YTJ. I figure you just want to keep her safe, but you aren’t her dad… maybe you should talk with your parents AND your sister about what is appropriate for her to do (seeing people, parties, etc) and figure out a realistic curfew.
There’s always the option of you being a chaperone the first couple of times until you both get used to the area, or even limiting where she can go based on the safest spots in the city.
Again, talk to your parents and your sister to come up with some better compromises.” Razzberries91
Another User Comments:
“18:00 is 6pm.
Give that girl some freedom. YTJ.
She will learn about the place quite quickly.
You are making it hard for her to make friends if she can’t hang out with them after school. So you are actually hurting her in the long run.
Also, how is she gonna learn about the place she is living if she can’t go out?
Edit – South Korea is a lot different than Europe and USA. School starts at 8:00 and goes until 16:30, then club so at 17:30. So really she is just going to school and nothing else.
Also, kids are much more independent in general and it is not uncommon to see young kids staying out until nighttime.” Solid_Quote9133
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all. You can’t enforce not going out.
You can only make it more difficult and force her to hide it. Better to be open about these things and know where she is and who she is with. 6 PM curfew is ridiculous.
You need to behave like an adult and not a supervising chaperone. Find out who her friends are. Invite them over. See them for yourself and judge what they’re like. Adjust her curfew to match theirs.
Remember she is also trying to adjust to a new place and new people and your rules will make it harder for her. YTJ.” RumSoakedChap
2. AITJ For Asking My Parents Not To Come To My Wedding?
“My fiancé (26M) and I decided to get married out of the country due to bureaucracy and personal preferences and have a party/reception once we get back.
It’s weird, I know, but this is the only option that works for us, so we’re sticking with it.
Since we’re flying out, we decided to make it a weekend getaway, and invited our families and a couple of friends to join, thinking that we would go to city hall, get married, have a nice dinner together that day and then have a couple more days of vacation.
Unfortunately, my fiancé’s parents can’t afford to join us. Because of this, I asked my parents to cancel their plan to come, because I felt it isn’t fair to my fiancé to have only my side of the family, and I believe the dynamic would feel off, since it’ll be more of a family vacation that my fiancé joins instead of our celebration, and I’m not sure if I’m exaggerating or not but that’s how I see it.
My mother is unbelievably hurt, saying I’m punishing her for my fiancé’s parents’ inability to pay, and that she deserves to see our ceremony. I want to emphasize – we’re going to city hall with our friends as witnesses and finish in about an hour, we’re not planning some huge celebration, just taking care of official business, and our friends are still invited since they are both of our friends.
I told her ‘we can all celebrate at the party later’ but she says she sees no reason to come to the party if she was not part of my actual wedding, and my father agrees with her.
My fiancé says he doesn’t mind and he doesn’t want to be the reason that my parents and I have issues, but I told him it’s not on him AT ALL, it’s my choice since even if he’s fine with it, I’ll still feel obligated to spend time with my parents with or without him, and in the original plan we would have been a large group and I would have felt less tie up to them.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I mean, it’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you want, but that’s such a weird reason to dis-invite your parents.
Now they’re hurt, your fiancé and his parents are going to feel like it’s their fault (because it is, you changed your plans after his parents weren’t coming), and this whole thing is a mess.
Plus like, a couple of flights and a nice dinner? If it’s really that big of a deal then you and your fiancé could pay to have his parents join you and avoid all of this.
That’s far less expensive than what you’d be paying for a big wedding.” hobo_clown
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I think from the very beginning it was very weird for you to invite your fiancé’s side of the family, and expect them to join, while they cannot afford it.
I’d assume that the fiancé would know the financial situation of his family, and whether or not they can afford to spend this much on a trip abroad, no?
Overall, it’s common knowledge, or at least I thought so, that if a couple has a gate-away ceremony, then they cover all the guest’s expenses, such as lodging and flights.
Now, understandably your mother is hurt, and I also understand your fiancé who is okay with just your family there, as he doesn’t want to be also seen as a ‘bad guy who did allow his in-laws to join.’ Now, it just seems like it’s up to you to make a decision on who joins y’all or not, and it’s quite pressuring.
At this point, if you uninvite your family, but still invite your friends, then it will probably create a crack in your relationship with your family. The only solution I see here is just for you two to go on a weekend trip and sign the papers, and only afterward celebrate with friends and family in your country.” iamanartpiece
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your fiance’s parents have decided your wedding is not a priority for them, and you are punishing your parents for their decision.
YOU are the jerk here: Inviting them, and then uninviting them again for something your fiance’s parents did is a jerk move.
You are hurting your relationship with your parents – and maybe ending it for good – over your being petty about a little amount. A generous solution would have been to pay for your fiance’s parents.
But you did not try, because you knew then they would have found another excuse not to come.” Initial_Number_4747
1. AITJ For Expecting My Sister To Reimburse Me?
“My sister and brother-in-law have one child, my niece, who is incredibly spoiled and seemingly has no boundaries or consequences at home (she is a good kid at heart, funny and polite and I realize her behavior is only a reflection of their parenting).
I often take her out to give them a break because I know they struggle with her behavior and she often stays over at her grandparents’ house which is where this story starts.
I’d arranged a day out for both of us, spent 60 dollars on a show, filled up on gas for the 90 min round trip drive, and packed a lunch. I picked her up from her grandparents and she barely acknowledged me too engrossed in her phone (she is only 7 and has access to all manner of tech although only has access to games with no chat features).
Her grandparents said they couldn’t get her off it and she’d badly behaved all night.
She showed no interest in where we were going and when we arrived, I asked for her phone to be left in the car for safekeeping.
She then refused point blank to get out of the car and said she wanted to go home to her parents. I could not persuade her at all, she refused to speak to my sister on the phone and in the end, I took her home (she requested I buy her a slushy for the journey home which I refused).
My sister was suitably embarrassed and apologized and I left. At this point, I would have thought my sister would have offered to reimburse the money I’d wasted.
An hour later, I messaged and asked how my niece was and if they’d spoken to her about her behavior.
My sister said she was overtired and had told them she had missed them and didn’t feel like a day out, but they’d spoken to her about how lucky she was to get a day out and it was all a waste of my time and money, still no offer to reimburse me.
Later that day, my sister posted on social media pictures of them out at the park and then at the ice cream parlor. I messaged my sister and said I couldn’t believe after my niece’s behavior she was being rewarded with further treats and I asked my sister to reimburse me for the money I’d wasted. My sister said it wasn’t my niece’s fault that she didn’t want a big day out and I should accept it as one of those things.
She couldn’t believe I would ask for them to reimburse me. We haven’t spoken since and this was a week ago.
My sister and brother-in-law have good jobs, they do not struggle financially so I know this isn’t the issue.
Am I the jerk?
Edit: this was all planned with my niece, she asked for a day out and picked the event, I see her often but rarely have time to spend all day with her hence why I was willing to spend out for an event she wanted to go to.
When we do have one on one time, her behavior is never normally an issue so it definitely wasn’t expected. I’m more annoyed at the lack of consequences. In my opinion, it’s ok to change your mind absolutely but it’s not ok to then be rewarded with further treats.
My issue is with my sister, not my niece.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would also want my money back but I wouldn’t fuss about it anymore. I would refuse to do anything else with my niece that cost money, even gas money.
They’ll need you before you need them, trust me, because they will want a break from their precious little terror. If they ask for you to do anything with your niece, in the future, you should tell them to pay you in advance for the activities & the gas it will take.
If they refuse, you refuse.” Travel_Eat_Read
Another User Comments:
“I don’t like parents who give their children their own devices before they turn at least ten, but I’m leaning towards YTJ.
Sometimes kids are fussy and just don’t wanna do stuff. She’s only 7, and while it’s annoying behavior on your end, you chose to drag her out for the day.
Unless your sister specifically asked you to spend money on this, I don’t understand why you’d even consider asking for a refund.
And you think your niece getting ice cream with her mother, hours later, is rewarding bad behavior?
Your sister apologized for everything, I can’t believe you expected her to offer to reimburse you. Your sister also gave your niece a lecture on her behavior and explained to you that she hadn’t slept well that night.
She never offered to reimburse you, because it never even crossed her mind until you complained to her for it.
You’re basically just saying ‘I want you to give me money because I decided to take your daughter out when she wasn’t in the mood and for some reason, she was fussy during the trip!
Since my ‘good act’ ended up not going my way, I need you to pay me back the money I chose to spend.’
That sounds dumb, I would never ask somebody to pay me back the amount I spent on them just because things didn’t go as I had wanted.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But look it does not matter that this was planned and that niece asked for the day out. Her parents are rewarding her for her bad behavior. They are teaching her it’s okay to completely be a brat.
I know that’s harsh, but I don’t know what else to label it as. Yes, it is okay to change your mind, but from what you described, she did not change her mind until after you told her to leave the phone in the car.
Plus she would not engage you or even acknowledge you because of the phone.
I wouldn’t waste my breath trying to get the money back. But I would also not make any other plans on doing anything with the niece.
When her parents ask why I would tell them straight up that they are rewarding her for bad behavior. That what she did actually needs to be handled, and they are teaching her that it is okay to treat people this way and that even if she completely ruins something that was all her idea that she would just get something else in return that is also good.
She needs to learn to use her words and to actually acknowledge a person, especially when they are trying to do something nice for her. This is all on them. But her actions need consequences.
Whether it be from the parents or you. And the only consequence you can give is no longer planning anything to do with her. At least until she learns that though it is okay to change her mind, it’s not okay to completely waste money and time and that she needs to use her words and acknowledge people.” Psycuteowl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your sister could offer to pay you back for the 7-year-old ticket but a 7-year-old not wanting to go to something or having a bad day is a chance you take when you go to one on one events with a 7-year-old.
Ultimately if I took my niece somewhere she decided she didn’t want to go to, I personally wouldn’t make my sister pay me back or ‘punish’ my niece because a young child changed their mind and was having a bad day.
Buying tickets for kids means you have to eat that cost sometimes, everyone who’s around kids knows this.
‘When we do have one on one time her behavior is never normally an issue so it definitely wasn’t expected. I’m more annoyed at the lack of consequences.
Imo it’s ok to change your mind absolutely but it’s not ok to then be rewarded with further treats.’
You are a complete jerk for this though. Consequences for what?
Not getting out of the car and asking to go home instead of you forcing her to go to an event a 7 yr old didn’t want to go to anymore or maybe even in the first place?
Hate to break it to you but sometimes kids that age change their minds and you have to take a hit on sign-up money or tickets or whatever. It happens. It’s not something they need to be punished for unless you want to enforce your niece who will be punished for changing her mind…which would make you a horrible role model as an aunt.” McFluff_TheAltCat
