People Want Feedback For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situation
15. AITJ For Not Allowing A Stranger Change My Baby's Diaper?
I feel for single dads.
“So, for a little context, I (28M) am a single father to my 4-month-old baby girl. I lost her mom due to pregnancy issues and haven’t been able to go anywhere without my kid.
I work from home and I take her to get groceries with me as I don’t trust other people enough to hire a babysitter. Around two days ago I was at Walmart shopping for some formula and other essentials for my baby.
As you know, babies poop. Mine was no exception. As soon as I realize what was going on I made my way to the family bathroom to change her, but there was no changing station in there for her.
I went into the men’s bathroom and there wasn’t one in there either, so I asked one of the female workers if there were any other bathrooms I could change her in and a lady a couple of feet away from us overheard our exchange.
She looked to be in her 40s and had 3 kids with her. She came up to me and offered to change my child for me as there was a changing station in the women’s bathroom.
Again, I’m not comfortable with other people alone with my kid, and YES I know eventually she will get older and go out on her own all the time, but she’s only 4 months old as of now.
Anyway, I declined her offer but asked the worker I was talking to if she could check if there was anyone in the women’s bathroom so I could go change her in there.
The other woman that came over to me said it’s inappropriate for a man to go into a women’s bathroom and offered to change my baby again. I refused and said that she was a stranger and I’d rather not leave her with my child.
I guess this made her tick because she started to go off on this tangent about how I’m a man and she’s a woman and she knows more then me when it comes to being a parent (which is probably true as I’m still new to this) and I should just let her change my baby as “the smell could cause a disturbance.” I was over it at this point.
My child was crying and she smelled like a rotten corpse. I walked past the lady and made my way over to the women’s bathroom. She blocks my way with her shopping cart and calls me a pervert.
There’s a small crowd gathering from all the commotion and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, so I walk into the family bathroom and change her on my lap.
I had to take my shirt off as some of her “booboo” got on it. Basically, I’m just saying “screw it, I’ll just shop somewhere else” and leave the restroom.
As I’m walking out I’m getting glares from every woman that was around, looking at me like I did something bad. I didn’t even pay for the formula I got, I just left the cart and ended up going to Target.
I talked to some of my female coworkers about it and they said I was completely in the wrong, but my wife’s parents are backing me on this. I can’t help but think that maybe I am just being an overbearing parent?
I’m not sure and it’s starting to weigh down on me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. For one thing, public spaces should have changing areas for parents of every gender.
That was the store’s *******, not yours. For another thing, you do not need to hand your child to a complete stranger for the purpose of that stranger looking at and cleaning around your child’s ******* area.
You absolutely made the right call here.
As a mom, I have no idea how another mom could see a baby in distress and still try to enforce arbitrary bathroom rules.
Women’s rooms have STALLS; it’s not like we are all peeing in front of each other.
As a former child maltreatment investigator, I have no idea how anyone suggesting they should touch a stranger’s baby’s ******* area could feel like they were in the right.” thirtyflirtyandpetty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you’re being thrown in single parenthood while also grieving. It’s unfortunately common for there to be a lack of changing tables in men’s rooms, which is complete garbage.
Men are parents too!
I think you handled yourself pretty well, considering how overwhelming that must have been. No way would I let a stranger change my kid. She could have stood lookout for you while you changed your kid in the women’s room if she was sincere and not a total jerk.
My advice: make a complaint to the management about the lack of changing tables available for dads. Keep mental note of places that do have them and go there instead.
Change your baby in the car.
Don’t let that awful woman make you doubt yourself. You’re only 4 months in and going through a lot. From the sounds of it you’re doing a great job!” InspiredHippie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Are people really not aware of how many babies get kidnapped this way?
Also, calling you a pervert because you said no to her seeing your infant without clothes?
Also, what a crappy store to have family rooms with no change table. That is literally the point.
You are NTJ. That woman was. She impeded on a child being changed to put her own feelings above.
She is most certainly not a great mother herself if that is how she reacts to the word no. The staff there should have intervened and told her to get lost as well.
And reacting like that was only evidence she should NOT have had any opportunity alone with your 4 month old. If she was genuinely worried, she could have offered advice (i.e. if you have a changing pad in your diaper bag, lay the baby on your lap if you must, but tip, have EVERYTHING out and ready so there are no surprises on your shirt when you leave).
Heck, she could have offered reassurance rather than demanding your 4-month-old and trying to bully a brand new parent to give up their child.
Your daughter has a great father and grandparents to support her so much already.
You know what’s best for her and what is safe, even if you feel unsure of yourself. She will feel all the love you have for her and learn that her boundaries and body are to be respected. Keep up the great work.
As a newish mom myself, I am proud of you for walking away, prioritizing your baby and doing the best you can. It’s hard work and everything feels unknown but it will come with time.
She’s fed, safe, and warm. Most importantly, she is loved.” Succyoubus
14. AITJ For Telling My Ill Mom To Go Ask Her Favorite Child For Help Instead Of Me?
“Growing up my (27F) mother, Kimber, made it clear that she loved my twin brother, Jack, more than me and she didn’t like having a daughter. Jack was allowed to do whatever he wanted growing up and Kimber still dotes on him.
But Kimber didn’t support me emotionally and provided me only the bare minimum. She let me know when I was about 9 that I would be out of her house and on my own when I turned 18.
I still remember how for Jack and I’s 13th birthday, she took only Jack to Disneyworld for a week and left me with a relative. Her reasoning was that I had a B in science and should have focused more on school if I wanted to go.
Instead of having fun during my teens, I was constantly working and saving to buy a car for myself (Jack totaled his cars twice before he turned 17 and she bought him a new car every time.) I took out loans during college because Kimber did not contribute a dime to me after I turned eighteen.
Kimber paid for all of Jack’s expenses. He went to college to study business but dropped out because it was too hard for him. Jack boasted later about trying college again to become a lawyer, but this time the university kicked him out for bad grades.
Now we’re at the current day: I just completed my master’s. I have a well-paying job with a friendly work environment. I have great friends and a lovely partner.
I have tried in the past to express to Kimber how her favoritism impacted me. Kimber only defaults to either 1) That never happened, you’re a liar 2) You’re exaggerating what happened, or 3) Even if that did happen, you deserved it/Jack needed it more than you.
I realized I would never get anywhere with Kimber and we now seldom contact each other. Jack still lives at home with Kimber. He doesn’t have a job and just plays video games constantly like a teenager.
I got a phone call from Kimber that she’s feeling ill. I knew that she was in the hospital for an infection. They discharged her with some antibiotics the day before, but she was still feeling ill.
She asked me to pick up some soup from the store and drop it off because she wasn’t feeling well enough to get it herself. (A reminder that when I got sick as a child, Kimber would leave me to do everything by myself and told me my coughing aggravated her.) I know I could have civilly said no or even just dropped off the soup for her (it would have taken me $5 and less than an hour) but instead, I told her “Go ask your favorite child.” Kimber got angry and told me to stop acting childish.
But I told her no and hung up. A friend of Kimber’s got her soup and told me I was acting petty and cruel to my sick mother. The friend argued that I wasn’t owed anything more than food, clothing, and shelter for 18 years (which Kimber did provide.) And how I was an overgrown brat for not taking an hour to help my own mom I have no idea how hard raising twins is.
I know my response just put fuel on the fire and I was being petty. But AITJ for not caring and for saying it anyway?
I have decided to post an update to talk about what has happened since and also to answer your common question of why I have not gone no-contact with Kimber.
Despite how little Kimber has supported me as a mother, I felt obligated to her just because she is my mother and she did provide for me during those years.
However, I realize how unhealthy interacting with Kimber at all is for me and how much the anger I had from Kimber’s parenting was still impacting my life.
I have decided to look for a therapist who can help me recover and prevent Kimber’s parenting from negatively impacting my life anymore.
I am working up the courage to confront Kimber and tell her that while I forgive her, as in I am going to do my best to let go of the anger and resentment I feel from her favoritism because it will benefit my own life, I will never have a relationship with her again because I cannot trust her to not hurt me again.
I am not quite ready to tell Kimber all that yet, but I am working to get there.”
Another User Comments:
“Your family sounds like mine. My sister could do no wrong, even though she got kicked out school, got pregnant at 17, they paid for two lavish weddings and one expensive divorce attorney, they paid for her rent, they supported her son, they bought her clothes because poor little daughter didn’t have/couldn’t keep a job boohoo.
I paid for my own wedding, I was told that they had just paid for my sister, and she ended up divorcing, so why bother. I never got a dime from them or gifts, but they financially supported my sister that always made bad choices because “she needed it more” than me.
Funny thing, that they only call me when they wanted my financial help or wanted to go on vacation since I made better choices with the same opportunities. Now, I just say no and don’t answer the phone.
When I had confronted them, they said the exact same “that never happened,” “you exaggerated,” and “she needed more than you…”
But the point is that I have been in need many times, emotionally when you needed support, and they have refused to help me.
They are not used to, I’m supposed to handle it all alone and never ask for anything, only give and give because they are entitled to that. Hmm, no.
NTJ.” Mean-Archer391
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Tell Mom’s friend to go to heck and block her from contacting you.
I’d also block your mother and brother since none of them care about you, if you move don’t give them the new address and ask your work that if they call to tell them you don’t work there, and they don’t know you.
Make sure a sign is up at reception so even if a temp is on they won’t put them through.
They don’t add anything to your life and your mum only contacts you when she wants something, an act that she never reciprocated as a mother so just from now on cut them off for good.
If you want to send a lend with no return address telling them you are cutting any and all contact that if they do try to contact you it will be harassment that you will file charges with the police about and if it continues after that you will go for restraining orders/ order of protection.
That you owe her nothing and clearly she didn’t want a daughter so now she doesn’t and that you want nothing to do with her!” RavenBlueEyes84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like by a league.
Let’s first address the fact you have serious childhood Trauma. Like. Serious.
Your narcissistic, uncaring, favoritism-leaning, egg-donating “parent” is a horrible human.
She mistreated you.
She gaslit you. She INTENTIONALLY hurt you emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
She supported your twin in every conceivable way you were denied. And no one saw this? No one thought YOU may need actual authentic love, affection, and emotional encouragement?
You owe that horrible woman NOTHING. I would not even call her a parent. She did the absolute bare minimum to ensure you kept breathing.
I hope you are seeking therapy, and never EVER doubt your emotional and mental needs above anyone.
EVER.
You owe family/ friends absolutely nothing.
You come first. Period.” Dinkableplanet
We had favorites, too. Oldest boy & oldest girl. Boy took waaay to long to grow up & had things handed to him, like a house. Girl was into every extracurricular & was able to get ahead. The other 3 of us were just "spares." She even stole my spare brother's pay while he was in Nam!
13. AITJ For Completely Ignoring The Fact That My First Daughter Exists?
“I (40 M) have been happily married to my wife (41 F) for over 15 years now. We have 2 beautiful children, one of which is just starting his first year in high school.
I love my family to death and would do anything for them. When I was in college, I used to drink a lot and go to parties.
My college years were some of the funnest years I had.
For my 21st birthday, my friends and I decided to head to a bar together to celebrate, as I was the youngest in our group and hadn’t been to one yet.
While I was there, I managed to hook up with someone. She was at least a decade older than me, but she was quite beautiful and had a charm to her I couldn’t resist. We hit things off, and after notifying my friends, the woman and I spent the night together at her place.
After that night, I wanted to keep in touch with her, as I enjoyed her company, however, she wanted to break things off because she had two daughters and didn’t want to get someone so young tied into her hectic life.
I understood, and we ended up breaking contact. It was a little disheartening, but my relationship with her was just a small infatuation that was shared in one night.
After I got through college and met my current wife, things really became incredible, because I got to have the family I dreamed of and hold a job that I truly enjoy.
But things changed about a week ago when I received a message from a 19-year-old girl. She claimed that she had been looking for me. She had taken a DNA test and matched with my grandmother, and through that had been researching to find me.
She told me that all she knew about me was my first name, but she was confident that I was her father.
I was in shock, heck, I still am.
And the reason I’m sure that she’s my daughter is because she shared her biological mother’s name with me, and it happened to be the same name as the woman I had met in college.
I never replied to the girl. I don’t have anything against her, but I don’t know anything about her. The girl’s mother is just a distant memory to me, and I don’t want to burden or upset my wife with the idea of an old fling coming back into my life due to sharing a child.
Even after learning the truth, I don’t feel any connection to this girl.
I’m not sure what to do. I can’t keep this hidden from my wife, but the last thing I want is to create tension with her.
Though, I don’t think I’ve necessarily done anything wrong, as I had met that woman well before I met my wife. How am I supposed to explain this to my kids?
Or the rest of my family? It’s all too much so suddenly, and I don’t think I’m ready to handle this.
So, AITJ for ignoring my first daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Yes you’re in shock, you didn’t know.
Now you do know and like an adult, it’s time to deal with it. This includes acknowledging the daughter, letting your wife know.
This is the bare minimum!
From there give yourself time to process the situation, talk it over with your wife.
One of your children is starting high school so they are definitely of an age that can understand the situation.
Decide how to discuss this with them. Not knowing the other child’s age makes it difficult for me to guess but if they are old enough they also need to know.
If you’re really struggling it’s time to look at professional help and talk things through with a therapist.
Your newly discovered biological daughter deserves the same level of respect as your other kids.
Ignoring her won’t make the situation easier.” Kephri1337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ fit being confused and shocked, as well as worried about things with your wife and your other children.
But as previously pointed out, with the whole DNA thing, it is going to come out eventually.
Discuss with your wife. Tell her how you were taken by surprise and your first worry was her and your children.
That should buy you some understanding gif ignoring this poor girl.
The longer you ignore this, the worse it will be when found out that you ignored this girl and lied by omission for not telling your wife.” ContactNo7201
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She’s an adult and has probably had a lifetime full of emotions surrounding the identity of who her father might be. You’re legally not obligated to support her financially, but morally the least you could do is communicate with her, even if you let her know in the beginning that this is difficult for you to want to build a relationship.
Your wife is definitely going to find out sooner or later, so why not be proactive and chat with her first? You weren’t unfaithful to her. This happened before you met.
You didn’t know there was a child and you did nothing wrong by moving on when it happened. But to simply ignore it—you’re only going to create problems and hurt a lot of people in the process.” jasperjamboree
12. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Just Because She's Poor Doesn't Mean I Can't Buy Stuff?
“I (16F) and Sam (16F) have known each other for years and despite separating to different high schools we still keep in contact and hang out.
Sam and I have different upbringings as my family is upper middle class and Sam’s family is lower middle class; we never really cared about this and still hang out together just fine.
Until recently, I saved up and bought a shoulder bag that I thought was pretty neat my classmates said the bag is really cute and asked where I got it from so I was pretty happy with my purchase, but when I went out to a cafe with Sam, she asked me how much was my bag and I said $45, which she responded by saying it is hideous and her bag only cost $10 and is still really good.
I laughed it off and thought it was a one time thing.
But a few weeks later, I bought a handmade clay keychain from my favorite artist and Sam noticed when we were out together, again she ask me how much is it and I said $15, Sam went on a rant about how these things are $2-5 max at most stores, and I told her this is handmade by an artist I really love and that I think the price is justifiable because this takes time and effort, but Sam told me it still isn’t worth it.
The last straw was 3 days ago when I sent Sam a screenshot of a message from an online perfume shop. We have an inside joke that sometimes I look so masculine that people mistake me for a guy.
I didn’t crop the picture at all, so Sam saw the price of the perfume bottles ($150) and immediately told me to cancel my order, she told me why can’t I just use a $15 body mist and how paying this much for a scent is crazy and how I’m wasting my savings with everything I buy.
At this point, I got irritated because I saved my earnings to buy the perfume that I like the most, It was unique and I fell in love the moment I smell it at the store and had been saving up just for a bottle.
I was frustrated with Sam and told her how this isn’t a blind buy so I know what I’m doing and that I don’t buy things like this every day.
Sam didn’t listen and told me that WE can’t afford this kind of luxury and that I’ll burn my income to the ground with this kind of spending. I was really angry at the time and ended up texting
“It’s my finances, and I can do whatever the heck I want; just because you’re broke doesn’t mean I also have to spend like you.”
That caused Sam to be really upset and told me I’m a jerk for bringing up her upbringing in the conversation and that not everyone is as privileged as me.
She hasn’t talked to me for 3 days now and I kinda think I should apologize for being too harsh on her back then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I just had a therapy session last week and we talked about the three ways to communicate when faced with an argument.
Passively – Not communicating at all. Aggressively – Communicating from a place of emotional distress and with your anger. Assertively – Concisely communicating how you feel and why you’re upset without triggering an emotional response.
Because emotions are fleeting. And the aggressive way you communicate your anger today is probably not how you would’ve handled it with a clear mind.
I think you’re in that situation now.
You are absolutely correct. It’s your finances, and you don’t need permission on how you want to spend it. However, once you brought up her financial situation, you began responding aggressively and attacking her directly, especially for something she has no control over.
How would you feel if someone verbally attacked you that way?
She was in the wrong, but you could’ve worded it a lot better. In situations like that, you need to give yourself some space and time to accurately navigate your feelings and be able to point out specifically what you are upset with.
Again, ESH.” jojothecat1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t bring up her upbringing, you brought up that you have better finances than her, currently, and that you don’t have to spend at the same level as her (or not spend).
Here saying “we can’t afford” is absolutely something that should be called out.
You are 16 and she has been your friend for a while. So, while the adult in me is like “cut your losses, move on,” I do appreciate that there might be a way to mend fences.
You don’t need to apologize, but you can reach out and say “I know we had a disagreement, I value you as a friend and would be happy to talk it out if you want.”
Then, if she is willing to speak to you, just say that you weren’t bringing up her upbringing or trying to throw in her face her lack of income, BUT she continues to put down what you buy and tried to order you not to spend your own savings, and that isn’t okay.
Then propose that the two of you don’t talk about finances and you don’t talk about how much items cost, with the exception being obviously having to discuss the cost of things you want to do together (like buying concert tickets).
Might as well try to save the friendship, but you weren’t too harsh, you just finally called her out for her bad behavior.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – maybe your friend just cares about you and is concerned about your spending habits.
Overall, you are both teenagers and neither of you has much of anything in terms of assets anyhow.
That being said, I have experienced “bullying” from fellow adults over some of my spending choices.
In those instances, the bullying was clearly a reflection of their own insecurity over that person’s inability to afford certain things I could afford. From what I read, I did not see that level of insecure bullying in your description of events.
I saw someone that is trying to push fiscal responsibility.
For fiscal conservatives, it is often not about what they can afford, but how to best utilize their finances.” Such_Invite_4376
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sam shouldn’t be asking how much your purchases cost. You shouldn’t tell anyone what they cost. If you tell them where you bought it, people can look it up themselves.
Bringing in Sam’s financial situation was a low blow too.
Be mindful that people get funny about finances. Depending on who is asking, I’ll tell them where I buy things (if asked).
I don’t volunteer information generally, because there are people in my area who only buy designer items, people who look down on others who buy designer items and people who quietly buy whatever they want despite the cost. Too much judgement going around.
Just quietly buy what you want and can afford. If someone asks for the price, say you don’t remember or that is was a gift. A line I’ve heard others use is that they’ve been so busy, they just don’t remember…” Zealousideal-Bike528
11. AITJ For Giving My Sister-In-Law And Her Sister Expensive Gifts But Giving My Wife Nothing?
“Me (32M) met my wife (32F) at HS, we were together back then, but when I decided to not go to Uni, she told me we were in different places at life, so we broke up.
Time passes and I meet her again, and she asks if I wanted to go out for a coffee.
My brother (Luc) bought a house and we reformed the basement to be a rented flat.
Luc rented his flat to Jules and he falls hard for her. And she is a cheerleader, my wife called her Disney Jules, in a not nice way, but I told her to knock off and she did.
I was in a car accident and broke my leg, it was a big deal, I had to put some pins on it and basically learn how to walk again.
My whole family supported me and I moved to my brothers flat as I was not able to use the stair and needed help for doctor’s appointments. My wife hated to leave our place.
I got better but my mind started to sink, I had no job and no idea on what to do. My wife told me that I should have chosen better, maybe gone to college.
That didn’t help. Jules’ sister (Laila) came to visit her while her husband (Jo) was in a sealing boat in direction of the South Pole. And man, that family is amazing.
I told her about how I have no job and how is hard for me to work for a long time sitting or walking. She told me that I should look for an industrial design course because of my old job, I told her that I had no idea what that was and I bet I would be terrible at it.
She took me to a design job fair and I loved it. I signed up for a course that day. I told my wife about and she told me that a 6-month course would not give me enough finances for a family.
Jules and Laila didn’t let me give up, for real they gave me a table that would lift up and a running machine for me to not stay to long sit.
I did the course and in 4 months I already had a job and now 2 years later I am doing as much as I did in the factory. So Luc and Jules are getting married and Laila and Jo came, as aspected the dude is great.
So I wanted to say thank you to all people that helped me from there to here. So at a dinner at my parents’ house, I gave some presents. To Laila and Jo I gave sports tickets, to my parents I finished paying their house, and to Luc and Jules I gave them their honeymoon.
I was not poor; I moved to Luc’s house for physical and mental health, not finances.
My wife asked for her present, and I told her that we would be back to our house and I wanted to go on a trip, just the two of us, but I would let her choose where.
She started to yell at me saying that she wanted something now since everyone is getting something. I told her that she was getting the trip, and she told me that I should have given her the biggest present since it was her that needed to lie down by my side every night.
That make me feel like a jerk, I did take her from her home and to a basement and I had nothing to give her there, but I thought that planning the trip together would be a nice thing to do together.
So I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“MILD YTJ, hear me out.
If you wanted to give your wife a trip, then you should have told her about it FIRST before you were with everyone else to at least give the impression that you thought it out and it was the most special thing that you could have thought for.
Because honestly giving out presents and then telling your wife that you would plan a trip with her later sounds like an afterthought that you really didn’t have it in mind that you just said it because you forgot to get her something
I’m actually surprised that you didn’t get together with your wife and talk about what you wanted to get for everyone else from both of you as a couple
Also, do you know based on hinting conversations you have with her did you ask questions to find out whether she actually wants a trip?
In fact, she may not want a trip; she may just want you home instead of living with your relatives and just have low-key time where nothing stressful was happening.
“We will plan a trip that I’m not sure when it will take place yet but I’ll let you pick where we go” is a little lame. Already making some arrangements for the trip or talking about this in private instead of “wait till we go home after I’ve already given presents to everybody else to talk about it.” JustVisitingHere4Now
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
1- The way you talk about your wife, if she’s that bad, get a divorce. If she’s not, you’re still the jerk!
2- Being the support spouse for someone who is injured is extremely stressful and difficult, much less helping a spouse with mental health problems.
3- She spent how long in your brother’s basement helping care for you? 2 plus years?! For you! Not in her home.
4- You carefully picked out many thoughtful gifts for everyone else but skipped your wife, and when she asked, you said she can plan a trip anywhere, so more work for her.” laughuntilyoucry95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on the way you have described your wife but I would LOVE to get this story from her perspective.
I’d guess she would paint a very different picture.
It really sounds like you heavily dislike your wife and if she’s as bad as you initially said, then OK.
However, ask yourself what your wife would say if she reads this post. If she sees herself as the person who was helping you bathe, physically dressing you, and supporting you on a daily basis, your failure to recognize and appreciate her efforts is terrible, especially in light of recognizing the “big” things the other women helped you with!” ApartLocksmith1
10. AITJ For Refusing To Spend The Night At My Mom's House?
“My parents are divorced. My brother (17m) and I (15f) spent equal amounts of time with our parents until last year when we asked dad to take mom to court and get more custody time with us.
The judge had us talk to a therapist who suggested letting us decide whether we spent overnights with her, but did suggest we see her at least twice a month.
It was hard for mom to accept. I love my mom but I haven’t really liked her for a long time. I despise her husband and I despise his 13-year-old daughter and I never bonded or really cared about the rest of his kids or my half-sibling.
My mom’s husband was a jerk to us because we wouldn’t call him dad. He insisted that if we wouldn’t give him the title then we had to call him Mr. Last Name.
Then he’d spend his time talking about how if our dad just let us live there, he’d be doing all the dad stuff, how we were ungrateful, selfish. He accused my brother of hating women and being a future manipulator because he was so cruel to not give my mom the love and respect of choosing a new father for us.
His 13-year-old spent years trying to get us to call our mom’s husband’s dad, telling us our dad was selfish, saying she hoped our dad would die, and calling me a bully for not admitting her dad was my dad.
She would also be brought along to exchanges and then she’d curse at my dad and tell him to go die. Like she was young when this started so I know it came from someone else, but how am I supposed to be friendly or love someone who says that?
One time she stole my bracelet and attempted to throw it in the garbage disposal because my dad bought it for me and she told me he wasn’t allowed inside her dad’s house.
Mom knew all about the stuff going on and she never stood up for us.
My brother and I have both rejected overnights with mom ever since the court ruling.
We spend every other Saturday with her and we do a Wednesday dinner thing at a noodle shop but that’s all we see her and we prefer it. Sometimes it ends badly because she’ll bring along all the kids and the arguing is still present.
My mom has begged us to spend the night sometime. She has said she misses us and we have a family there who would love to have us and overnights are part of that.
My brother asked her when she was getting divorced, she replied that she wasn’t he told her that until that day he will never step foot in her house again.
He left. I was then alone with mom and I told her I’ll never do an overnight at her house again. She started arguing and told me I was blowing things out of proportion.
I asked her if she wanted her youngest to grow up with the kind of fighting that goes on when we’re there. She told me I was being cruel to her by denying her overnights.
That she’s a good mom and she loves us. I told her she obviously loves her husband more and left.
She DMd me after and asked how I could do that to her.
I feel bad… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“How could you do what- tell the truth?
She isn’t showing you love by not telling her husband and his daughter to stop with the bullying.
You might not like your ex anymore but he is still the father of your children. your stepdaughter shouldn’t be wishing him dead.
Tell your mother that she put herself in this situation by allowing her new family to treat you this way.
In a year’s time, your brother is probably going to go no contact, and you will follow in 2 years. She has that long to change things.
And if she decides to take your father to court, tell the truth about how her new husband and his daughter bully you and mistreat you, even trying to destroy your personal property and your mother just lets them.
If forced, I would agree to do solo visits with just the mom or none at all. And I would definitely go low contact or no contact when I turned 18.
NTJ.” PanamaViejo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you’re describing is completely unfair. Your mom marrying a man who is mistreating you and training his child to mistreat you, then going after you for not folding into her new family is extremely manipulative.
Basically, all the court has said is that you Maybe have to see her two times a month, if there is actually a requirement for some custody, I would press to do that minimum amount.
Ask your brother if he’ll go with you and you set up meetings with your mother in a park. Don’t go back to their den, tell her to just show up with her, and if she doesn’t then she is the one who is rejecting seeing you.
Document her not showing up and screenshot the texts between you two. She is hostile and you need to treat her like she’s hostile and protect yourself.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What you are doing is setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Your mental health and well-being trumps your mom’s feelings.
As you said, she knows about all the stuff that had being going on while you were there and still did nothing.
She was there at exchanges while the 13yr old would yell and curse at your dad so either she was feeding toxic information to her husband who passed it on or she was doing it directly.
Either way, she saw and heard and did absolutely nothing to protect you and your brother and not try to destroy your relationship with your dad.
(My mum spent years saying nasty things about my dad and tried to get me to stop seeing him.
It never worked but it did damage the relationship I had with her).
If you feel you want to reply, I would either call or send a text (if you don’t want to hear her try to guilt you) and just say that after years of the nasty comments about your dad, her husband belittling them because you refuse to call him dad and while you love her and want to see her.
You will only do so without her husband and the other kids and will not be staying at her house.
I’m so sorry you have been exposed and treated like that.
My parents divorced when I was about 8. Mum was bitter and nasty for years (she’s ok now because I shut that down about 20 years ago). Both have remarried. I met my step-dad when I was 12.
From the first moment he sat us down and said that he’s not trying to replace our dad but wants to be a part of our life, 25 years later and we still muck around like crazy and I adore him.
My stepmom is an absolute gem too. I can go to her with anything. I am lucky to have 4 parents who I love dearly – but I will only have one mum & dad.
I don’t agree with a step-parent trying to force the children to call them mom or dad.” Hungry_Fudge_4255
9. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Refrain From Mentioning My Sister During My Wedding?
“I am estranged from my sister. She and I used to have the same friend circle growing up and she was good friends with my then-best friend.
But when I was 16 my then-best friend was with a guy who ended up with a crush on me. I had no idea. Suddenly she turned into a bully and she bullied me horrifically, to the point I was moved after only 2 months into a school year because she had leaked personal stuff about me to the whole school, including, but not limited to, the fact I had an ED (eating disorder) and had been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder which made me crap my pants on the first day of high school and on our school’s PT conference day (sometimes this happened when my anxiety led to an anxiety attack).
This was stuff she knew because she was meant to be my best friend and she blasted it everywhere.
My sister stayed friends with this girl despite all that. Not only that, but when I told her it upset me she told me I was being a controlling brat for thinking I could ask her to dump a friend.
That was when I decided I had lost two people. My parents tried to keep my sister away from my former best friend, but she insisted she should be allowed to have whatever friends she wanted.
That friendship lasted several more years before they stopped being friends but by then it was too much. She even brought this girl to stuff she knew I would be at under the guise of being allowed to bring “friends”.
It was traumatic for me and over that time I grew to hate my sister for subjecting me to that.
She attempted to apologize a couple of years ago but I didn’t want to hear it.
Now I’m engaged and my parents were warned ahead of time that my sister wasn’t getting an invite. My brothers told me our parents seemed to mention my sister in speeches they were preparing and they wanted to give me a head’s up since they didn’t seem to want to listen to them.
When I brought it up to my parents they said they couldn’t pretend she didn’t exist since most people know I have a sister. I told her those most people also know that we no longer talk.
I told them I did not want them to mention her at my wedding. They told me I was being unfair, especially when she attempted to apologize but I stopped her.
We’re now not on the best of terms. They think I’m unfair. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your sister maintained a relationship with someone who was awful to you when you were both adolescents, it deserves the social death penalty.
And anyone who disagrees (even your parents) also deserves the social death penalty. The social world should forever revolve around your adolescent hurts. No one ever changes, high school lasts forever, and there are no benefits to family relationships if they didn’t acknowledge how much you were hurting at 16.
Cut them all off. Not knowing you is their loss and they deserve it.
If that is what you wanted, you got it. Feel better? If you actually posted this question because part of you thought this might be a bit more complicated, then you might want to read some of the contrarians’ downvoted posts.
For example, maybe YTJ/NTJ is not the best framework to use when thinking about this. Second, maybe people do change and there can be some value to you in hearing someone apologize for past mistakes.
Third, maybe carrying a lifelong grudge harms you too. Fourth, maybe there might be future value to you even in family relationships that seemed harmful to you in your teenage past.
You are not a jerk, and you get to choose, but maybe it might be worth at least talking to your parents about this. What do they understand about your relationship with your sister?
What do they understand about her attempt to reach out to you and what she might feel? What did they intend to say about you and your sister?” Alteripse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They think you’re being unfair? That’s rich. Unfair like letting your child’s bully come to your family events? Honestly, I think you’ve been shockingly forgiving of your parents up till now.
The fact that they let your sister bring your bully around you would have been reason enough to never speak to them again.
At this point, I’d either rescind their invitations or tell them they are not permitted to make a speech at all.
If they try they’ll be interrupted and asked to leave publicly, on the spot. Ensure the band/DJ, planner, wedding party, and that one feisty old aunt all know the drill.
But really, I just wouldn’t invite them. It’s not worth the risk and the drama at your wedding.
I’m sorry, by the way. Your parents should be able to make your wedding day about you and not her.
The fact that they won’t speak volumes about them. Your wedding isn’t the place for reconciliation or for your parents to take jabs at you for the estrangement or mope about it.
Best wishes!” justwaitingforgodot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry your sister treated you this way and I’m sorry your parents let it happen and don’t seem to have done everything they can to protect you.
There is no reason to mention your sister in their wedding speeches. The fact that they want to would honestly hurt me a lot if I were you. It feels disrespectful to everything you’ve gone through – on their watch.
It might sound dramatic but I’d tell them no mentions of your sister. She doesn’t exist for the day. Tell them if they try to circumvent that you’ll have them escorted out of the wedding celebration.
I hate that you have to set these kinds of boundaries with your parents. I’m glad you seem to have good brothers. Congratulations on getting married and good luck!” StompyKitten
8. AITJ For Getting Eloped Knowing My Family Was Excited For An Actual Wedding?
“My new husband and I went on vacation in July and we decided to elope while we were gone. It was something we had planned but left undecided when we left. But we did it.
My family was very disappointed in our decision to elope, especially my part in it and now I feel conflicted.
I have a sister who is a year younger than me.
She was born with a disability and chronic health issues. As a child, she battled cancer also and it came back just over a year ago. They haven’t called it terminal yet but the whole family is just waiting for the day her doctors say it is.
Because of her health and disability, over the years she has been the main focus, and she has come first, 99% of the time before me. She told me before she likes when it happens because it shows everyone cares and isn’t sick of her.
But it has been hard for me when it’s something for me and she ends up being celebrated instead. It happened at my graduation because she had only been in the hospital days before and everyone said it was worth celebrating that she could make it outside for a while and that it was the best part of the day.
When I turned 21 it became a celebration of the fact she could be there all night and that at the time she was doing the best she ever had. My now husband went to get the cake, and when he and my friends started singing happy birthday, my family (both immediate and extended) were too focused on my sister to notice.
Those aren’t the only times. But they were probably the biggest factor for me making the decision to elope.
I have talked about it with my family before and I was told I should be celebrating along with them because every little moment with her is a miracle and when you have someone like my sister in the family you have to forget your own wants.
When I have talked to my sister, she told me she needs it. She needs to feel wanted and loved and like she’s less of a burden.
I didn’t want that for my wedding.
I didn’t want my special day to be made all about her. So I chose to just make it my husband and me. But my family are upset. The unspoken fight is my sister might not be here for all that much longer and I took away her chance to see me get married, I took away my parents’ chance to see my wedding day when they will never see hers.
The extended family told me it would have been a good time to see my sister too and all this other stuff. Right after we got back we learned my sister’s cancer had spread to another area and I think that has made everyone even sourer toward me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m sorry for what your sister is going through, and I say this as someone with a very severe chronic illness, but not everything can be or should be about her.
You matter, your experiences and achievements matter, and every birthday you have matters. They should be celebrating you right alongside celebrating her. But since they aren’t and have made it very clear that that won’t change and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want it to change, you have every right to make this one special event about you and your partner, and you and your partner alone.
You cannot spend your entire life making everything about other people, and it’s so messed up that they’ve spent your life teaching you that your wants don’t matter. But getting married is not about your sister or your parents or what they want.
It was about you and your partner and you both chose the option that was best for you.
You did nothing wrong, they’re being selfish, entitled jerks. But you’re not.
Congratulations on your marriage. I hope you have a long, happy life together.” PestoPanda674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t take anything away from your sister except giving her and your parents one more opportunity to celebrate her instead of you.
Good for you for having a marriage ceremony that you can remember being just about you and your husband. When your parents complain about not getting to see you get married, I suggest you say “Mom, Dad, you didn’t want to see me get married. You just wanted another opportunity to make another of my celebrations into a celebration of my sister.
If just once in my entire life you had actually celebrated me instead of only celebrating my sister, this could have been a very different outcome. I am not selfish for wanting my wedding day to be about me.
You are the selfish ones for insisting that I never be celebrated.”
And when your sister does finally pass (and my condolences on happening so young), your parents are going to be left wondering why their living daughter wants nothing to do with either of them.
Congrats on the marriage!” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I may be biased as someone who also eloped and still doesn’t regret it despite the flack we got for it from both sides of the family, but I think you made the right decision.
Your wedding should be about YOU and YOUR husband and YOUR marriage. If you want to share it with others, that’s fine, but I think it’s very telling that your family is more upset on behalf of your sister than they are for themselves.
If you had chosen to go the traditional wedding route, your sister would have been the star of the show – you probably would have had to have her for your maid of honor whether you wanted to or not, and in that role, she would have commanded all the attention.
Also…I’m sorry for your family, and especially for your sister, but (and this will probably make me look like a Grade-A jerk myself), this left a very, very sour taste in my mouth:
“Because of her health and disability…she has come first, 99% of the time before me. She told me before she likes when it happens because it shows everyone cares and isn’t sick of her.”
Yeah, that’s not cool at all. Just because a person is sick and/or dying doesn’t mean they can’t be selfish as heck, and I sometimes think there might be a kind of personality disorder where a person gets off on being the martyr and having everyone fuss over them.
My grandmother was like this, and while I loved her, the pleasure she seemed to take in people fretting over her was somehow off-putting.
If you had had a traditional wedding, your sister would have taken it over and you would have spent what should have been the happiest day of your life feeling lonely, neglected, and left out.
That’s no good. I wouldn’t tell my family any of this, though…instead, I’d imply you and your husband weren’t really interested in a big wedding and did it on the spur of the moment, thinking it would be romantic, and it never occurred to you it would upset anyone (plead ignorance).
If they want to have a party now to celebrate your new marriage, let them knock themselves out, but I think you absolutely did the right thing.
Your mother is wrong…having someone like your sister in the family does NOT mean you have to “forget” your own wants or needs.
This subreddit (and a number of others) is just FULL of stories of how well that misguided belief DIDN’T work for families that took that stance.” Reddit user
7. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Family For Not Bringing Vegan Options To A Family BBQ?
It’s not like they didn’t know they were vegan.
“So I’m a vegan.
Generally, this is not a problem because in normal settings I bring my own food and life goes on. I love my family and I don’t believe in cutting ties with omnivores because it doesn’t really help the cause, it doesn’t help my family and it doesn’t help me, considering how attached to them I am for I am 100% a family gal.
The thing is, this time it was an event to celebrate my move. I’m going to a whole nother continent for two years to further my specialization in my area of work and I’m nervous, scared but overly excited. I’ve also been BUSY as heck.
There were problems with the moving that left me solving stuff even during this barbecue that I, for the sake of informing y’all, didn’t know was going to be a BARBECUE.
They planned it. They called me saying it was to celebrate my move. My grandaunt, who raised my mom when she became an orphan, insisted on the big Latin American family thing and I complied because I love this woman to death.
They said they’d be preparing everything and I needn’t worry because they knew I was busy (and I’m generally very invested in prepping events, which grants me time doing stuff with my grandaunts and also the possibility of preventing the addition of animal produce where there’s no need to be).
I expected good ol’ simple rice and beans and maybe some fish (because they think fish is less offensive to me, they’ve done it before on many of my birthdays and no amount of talk changed their minds) and family salad, so I could forego the fish (as always) and have a happy meal with everyone.
But no, when I got there it was a BARBECUE. Meat everywhere. My other grandaunt said they chose it because it was “practical and everyone likes it”. I asked if they put bacon in the farofa and they did.
I asked if they put meat in the beans and they did. Even the garlic bread had mayo and cheese, stuff that doesn’t happen when I make the food and they still like the results.
So I excused myself for half an hour or so and went to my grandaunt’s bedroom to cry and sleep.
My mom agrees that it was kinda jerk-y, but she also said that my grandaunts are old (81 and 63) and sometimes forget stuff or don’t know how to appropriately cater to my diet and that I overreacted. I’m feeling like crap because I know my oldest grandaunt cried as well when she was informed I was crying, so I feel guilty on top of stressed and overwhelmed. So yeah, it wasn’t a total ruin because then we drank coffee and talked, but knowing that I made her cry is making me GO MAAAADD.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For the first few years of our marriage Hubby and I went to Thanksgiving at his grandmother’s – Command Performance as his parents had declared that ALL holidays were to be celebrated with her or them.
The year I was pregnant with my first child I ended up on a no-salt diet because of preg-related issues. They were told, repeatedly and promised there would be no problem.
But after we arrived we discovered that they had salted everything as usual, even the canned corn and green beans. And cooked the Turkey and stuffing with brine in the bottom of the baking pan…..All I could eat the entire Thanksgiving day (supper was T giving leftovers) was the Cranberry bread I had brought and a pie hubby made (I refused to give his father seconds on the pie to save me a slice for supper.
He had to eat cake). They did not even have bread for toast the next morning, and his Grandmother salted the scrambled eggs! We cooked some more eggs for me to eat.
And drove 50 min to town from the farm to get me food.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“My parents are pescatarian and my best friend keeps kosher. Thanksgiving was at my house last year.
I cooked 3 separate entrees to ensure everyone had a full meal. Cuz I know, I KNOW, all of them have had to deal with only eating salad before.
Do they not get what meat does to a vegan?
My dad had turkey broth 2 years ago and thought he was DYING – granted my dad is a bit dramatic, but I hear that is a common response to nonmeat eaters eating meat.
NTJ to 1000. I’m so angry for you. I love bbq as much as the next omnivore, BUT COME ON.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m the youngest girl in a large family.
I have never had pierced ears. Never wanted them. Every year for Christmas, I’d get earrings. At first I just graciously said thank you. Then I started gently saying “I know it’s uncommon, but I don’t have pierced ears.” Still, earrings.
I personally take pleasure in giving gifts that reflect that I know & care enough about the person I’m gifting to find something that reflects their tastes & interests.
I get it not everyone does that. But getting someone something year after year that they’ve informed you they cannot use is a level of thoughtlessness, that’s hurtful.
I’d put having a meat-centric meal for a vegetarian family members celebration in that category.” 1ToeIn
6. AITJ For Refusing To Cover For My Co-Worker's Mistake?
“I, (18f), work as a server at a small, locally owned restaurant. A lot of my co-workers are older and are quite unfamiliar with technology.
Since the ticket system is online, we ring in our table’s order via little computer hubs around the restaurant. We have 5 computer hubs, including the one up front where guests pay.
I have one co-worker, Kate (fake name), who is in her early 60s. Anytime she has a computer issue, she runs to me. I constantly fix her problems and she shows no interest in correcting her mistakes.
Last weekend, I was working with Kate. Everything was good until about 3/4 of the way through my shift when Kate comes to me.
She told me she had an emergency and needed my help.
She was checking one of my tables out, a nice family of four, but it seems as though they had already paid because they were leaving the restaurant.
Kate explained that the family’s table was still there, despite her just checking them out.
I checked and sure enough, it was still there. Kate then said “Thanks for fixing this.” before walking off. Turns out, Kate had checked out the wrong table. My table paid for someone else’s food rather than their own.
I tried to find Kate and explain what had happened, but she brushed me off, saying she was “too busy”.
The table was left until we closed.
My manager was on the main computer hub, calculating our credit card tips when she called me over about my table that remained. I explained the situation and even showed her the stabbed tickets as proof.
My manager then called Kate in and they had a long discussion.
I was cleaning the bathrooms when Kate walked in. She blamed me for the mistake since she came to me to fix it.
I explained to her what her mistake was and she dismissed me, saying “I know that but why didn’t you fix it?”
I explained to her that to fix this problem I would’ve had to pay out of pocket to cover a mistake she made.
She asks me why I didn’t pay for the table.
I asked her why couldn’t she pay for the table herself. She said it was only fair that I paid because it was MY table.
I told her since it was her mistake, it was only fair she paid for it.
Kate ended up paying the bill and since this isn’t her first time doing this, her hours were cut.
Now she’s texting me about how she won’t be able to pay her rent or her water bill this month because she’s working less. My other co-workers are saying I’m a jerk for not paying for the ticket to begin with.
I don’t feel as though I was trying to get her in trouble, but some people never learn until they face the consequences of their actions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. Entitled much? I don’t think you’re quite like me because I would absolutely be petty enough to start throwing around all that “entitled kids” bullcrap in little snide remarks like boomers tend to do to millennials and gen z but just reverse it to boomers l**o.
But no. Hold your ground and honestly? You need to start refusing to fix everyone else’s mistakes. You’re not paid to do THEIR job, so don’t. They will continue to refuse to learn if you coddle them and it’ll do nothing but burn you out and make you hate working.
Because quite frankly they’re USING you so that they don’t have to take responsibility and they don’t have to do the full breadth of their job description. To put it into perspective, you’re basically doing managerial work for menial pay.
That’s unacceptable.” FeralCoffeeAddict
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am in my early 60s and am fully capable of mastering computer technology. This isn’t an “old people” problem. My 90-year-old mother would struggle, I admit.
But she would try.
Your co-worker has what we call “convenient incompetence” or “weaponized incompetence.” In the past, you have bailed her (and your other co-workers out) and paid for their mistakes to cover them up.
I notice you deleted this relevant part of your post:
Now normally, I would have covered for her by paying for my tables unpaid check so she wouldn’t get in trouble.
The check wasn’t even that large, maybe around $25 and some change. I’ve done this before, paying for a table’s food in order to help out another co-worker or to avoid problems with management.
But now, I was saving for college and every penny counted. The table was left until we closed
This is why your coworkers think you are the jerk: because you have been paying and covering for their mistakes as well.
You might want to have a chat with management where you explain that you have been covering for co-workers’ mistakes and paying out of pocket to fix them, but you can no longer afford to do this and that you are concerned about reprisals.
If your coworker’s hours have been cut because of her incompetence with the technology required to do her job, that’s a “her problem”; she can do what others do and get a second job with her extra hours to earn more income for bills.” DevilSilver
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like Kate is a Turkey in eagle school. May not have anything to do with her age, some people (even younger people) have problems using technology.
It doesn’t make her a bad person, it is just that she can’t do it right now. The problem is that it sounds like she is afraid of it and therefore doesn’t take the initiative to try to learn it.
For this reason, you are not the jerk, but neither is she.
However, she is the jerk for expecting you to pay for the meal when it was her mistake!” Boberace
5. AITJ For Telling A Customer We Were Out Of An Menu Item When We Actually Weren't?
Yeah, no. I couldn’t do this.
“I (22F) work full time at a local steakhouse-style restaurant. There’s a policy with the employees regarding free food based on the length of your shift, and the other day I was working a double, which meant I got two free meals, one at the end of my first shift and one at the end of my second.
There are a few things we as employees can’t pick for our free meals due to costs, but we still have access to nearly the entire menu. Another part of this policy is that if we pick something, and one of the ingredients required is almost gone, we’re allowed to keep our pick and tell the customer that we’re sold out of that particular item.
This applies to all sides, salads, soups, etc. Usually though, if we say we’re out, we really did run out regardless of employee meal picks.
Anyways, on the day that I worked my double, we were about 2 hours out from closing and I sat a couple (early 20s M&F) who were on a first outing together (just assuming by some things they said + he namedropped a popular romance app).
When they were ready to order their meals, the girl just so happened to ask for sirloin, but that was the cut I chose for my second meal and we were down to our last one.
I apologized and told her that we were out, and the pouted and told me she would need another minute to decide. Her date shot me a dirty look and told me he needed more time now, too, so I went to check on my other tables.
They seemed to be having a good date, laughing a lot and smiling, but they were immediately quiet and stand-offish every time I checked on them and interrupted me with “just the check, please” while I was asking if they’d like any dessert.
I brushed it off, as it’s not the first time I’ve had a rude customer, and brought them their bill. He wrote a big zero on the tip line and a little note that read, “Thanks for ruining my romantic outing, hope your night sucks too.”
I told my coworkers during closing, who all agreed the guy was being a jerk, but when I called up my dad the next day and the topic of work and those particular customers came up, he told me I should have been less selfish and just let the woman have the sirloin and that I should’ve picked something else.
He told me “they didn’t handle it very well, but that young lady had probably been looking forward to that steak. You knew you could’ve given it to her and you didn’t.
I’m honestly a little disappointed in you.” That really hurt my feelings and I’ve been wondering if I was actually in the wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sometimes restaurants run out of food.
The exact same scenario could have occurred with a meal you hadn’t ordered. That guy was looking for a reason to not tip you. He got a lot more pleasure out of drawing that $0 and feeling superior to you (oh, look how he put you in your place!
Next time, you will dance for him and provide his date with all she requests, or you will again be deprived of his largesse! Weep! Weep and admit you are low and he is high!) then his partner would have gotten from the darn steak.
Your father is wrong here. So what if Pouty Girl was really looking forward to that steak? You were too. Why are you less important than her? Your restaurant does not prioritize customers over their staff, why is your father prioritizing some random stranger (with a jerk partner) over his own daughter?” Historical_Agent9426
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I actually agree with the customer is always right with this one. It’s bizarre to me that a business establishment which relies on customer goodwill to even exist would take these sorts of unnecessary risks ie.
in this case, risking a negative review which wouldn’t have to happen if the customer were just given what they ordered first up. I would expect that businesses would only allow staff to pick from what’s left at close of business, or the end of the shift at least. Are you sure the policy allows for holding food choices aside prior to end of shift?
I think that’s what makes YTJ.” Reindeer-Street
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….a guest didn’t even know you requested the item based on your restaurant policy. This is just people being jerks.
As a server in a restaurant that only sources high-quality ingredients, we will remove items from the menu if we don’t have them and we also may have run out of an item during service…this is a them problem not a you problem.
I’m sorry someone’s misunderstanding of how a restaurant works hurt you. Also, ask your manager if people who make reservations can request items to be set aside for them so next time if you are out of an item you can let people know if they want a specific dish they can request it to be reserved when making a restaurant reservation.
Also unfortunately tips are not required and sometimes people either culturally or personally choose not to leave gratuity because they don’t want to or it’s not a cultural norm, it sucks when your wages are based on gratuity but a thing to consider when choosing a place to work that accepts gratuities for your position.
Also, it sounds like your manager/owner is really committed to having a positive restaurant industry environment so if this is something that happens frequently, grab a tip tracking app as well as record your tip percentages and have a convo with your boss if you’re not meeting minimum wage requirements/how your tips are being distributed/allocated and how that may affect your income taxes.
Each state is different and tip claiming for taxes can be either a base hourly pay, a percentage of sales, or something else to make sure you aren’t being incorrectly taxed for earnings you aren’t taking home as well.
They also help you register your daily income so you can realistically gage your weekly earnings with tips and paychecks so you can know how to set up a budget.
Just some helpful tips from a career industry worker.” pandatron3221
4. AITJ For Telling A Complaining Customer That I Don't Care?
“I(19M) work at a very busy cafe. The cafe I work at is a very large franchise and the one I work at is located right next to the biggest hospital in my city, so we consistently get elderly people, disabled people, and sick/injured people coming in.
The store gets very busy during breakfast and lunch hours, and around the lunch rush earlier today a middle-aged woman came in and ordered a coffee and some food, and from the get-go, she was rude and impatient with the entire staff.
When I brought her coffee over to her table, she glared at me and called me and asked me if I was “thick in the head” because she asked for her coffee in a mug that had a handle and I had brought her coffee in a glass with no handles.
Apparently, she had some sort of physical disability where her hands and fingers aren’t flexible enough for her to easily wrap her fingers around cups that don’t have handles, but her disability was not that noticeable to me and she never specified what kind of cup she wanted us to make her coffee in.
I asked her if she wanted me to transfer the coffee into a mug. I poured her coffee from the glass to the mug and brought it back to her table, but she just started complaining that I had ruined the presentation of the coffee by pouring it into a new cup.
I then asked her if she wanted the baristas to remake her coffee from scratch to which she slammed the table and started screaming about how she’s waited long enough for her original coffee (even though the wait was really only a couple of minutes) and she didn’t want to wait for the coffees to be made a second time, to which point I started to get visibly annoyed and told her “you can either drink the coffee you have now or WAIT for our baristas to make you a new one.
If you can’t wait 5 minutes for a new coffee to be made then there’s nothing I can do for you”
She then accused me of giving her attitude and having no respect for the elderly and disabled and started rambling on about her life story and the struggles of being an old, disabled woman all the while I had a line of 10+ customers waiting on me to serve because I had to waste all this time catering to her demands and listening to her insults and complaints.
I couldn’t afford to waste any more time catering to her so I just scoffed and said “I’m sorry, but I don’t care. And I don’t feel sorry for you.” and went back to serve at the counter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have some disabilities that sometimes need special accommodations, if I forget to let people know, or even if I do and they forget, it’s not that big of a deal to let them know nicely about the mistake, I’ve found that if a mistake is made and it’s brought to peoples attention in a kind manner, they will usually do everything they can to make it right.
You offered her the best solutions to the issue and she didn’t want any of them. That’s on her, you had other customers to deal with and not spend a moment more pandering to her precious ego.” Diligent-Touch-5456
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I’m middle-aged and have disabled hands after an accident I suffered last year. My hands will never be the same and I have difficulty using some of my fingers on my left hand and my right wrist and thumb can be quite painful if I’m not careful.
That being said, that doesn’t give her the right to treat you that way. My disability on my left hand isn’t too visible, although my fingers are somewhat crooked. A person would really have to look or I’d have to point it out for them to notice.
Just because she’s elderly and has problems doesn’t mean she gets to treat you like crap. There’s no excuse for that behavior and I’d have been ticked off too. I work in a hospital and some people who come in are in terrible shape and are extremely pleasant.
This woman isn’t entitled to mistreat people.” flappergirl35
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You are less than the customer. You were fine until you were basically like, “You and your problems no longer matter to me.”
It would have been a lot better if you had found a way to just moved on, or forward her on to a manager if possible. She sounds like the type of people I used to deal with at the Obit desk.
Crap had gone down, bad crap, really upsetting crap and THEN THIS HAPPENS!
Yes, they are having a total meltdown AT you, presumably about the quality of your work, but really about their life at the moment.
Are they being a jerk? Arguably, very much so. But dude. “I’m sorry, but I don’t care. And I don’t feel sorry for you,” ouch. That’s not, not a jerk move.
But it’s done. And, you know, you were having a crappy day. Then it escalated, the pressure mounted, then THAT HAPPENED.” kellyfaboo
Another User Comments:
“Former server here, worked breakfast for a good part of the 10yrs I waited tables.
I Need some clarification. You said she called you thick in the head for not bringing her coffee to her in a mug with a handle like she requested. If she in fact asked for a coffee in a mug with a handle then you should have brought her a coffee in a mug with a handle, she shouldn’t have to explain to you why she needs it, that’s her business.
You also stated that you know most of your customers have disabilities. I’m just saying, as servers, in the SERVICE industry, we should be as accommodating to customers as possible.
We don’t know what they are going through and if they are spending most of their time at a hospital, going to a cafe is their only respite for the day.
I know the pay is atrocious but so is having to be in the hospital.” CptKUSSCryAllTheTime
3. AITJ For Calling My Niece A Spoiled Brat?
“My (22F) sister (28F) recently had to move in with me because she’s getting a divorce and has nowhere to stay.
She has a daughter (7F). I live in a two-bedroom apartment so it’s cramped and tensions are high.
My niece is terrible, to be honest. She screams all day long at the top of her lungs.
I work from home so I have tried to get my sister to get her to stop, but she’s so depressed from her divorce that she struggles to get out of bed. I have asked my niece to quiet down myself, but she just smirks at me and continues playing and screeching.
I have gotten reprimanded at work for it.
She also recently broke my laptop. I made it clear to both of them that my niece is not allowed to use my electronics minus the living room TV.
Lo and behold, my niece got her hands on my laptop to play games on it, spilled milk all over it, and ruined it. I was furious but my sister paid to replace it so I let it go.
I have tried many times to talk to my sister about this being unacceptable but keep getting blown off and told to let her grieve in peace. I do feel bad for her so I was doing my best to just put up with it.
Today I came home from errands to find my niece playing on my Nintendo Switch. Mind you this was kept in my room so she must have gone in there and looked for it.
Annoyed, I held my hand out and told her to give it. She ignored me. I called for my sister to take care of her daughter but she was asleep and told me to leave her alone.
So I just grabbed the Switch right from my niece’s hands and took it back to my room. She started screaming and crying and literally rolling on the floor but I ignored her.
Well she decided that was just not acceptable so she took a Sharpie and drew all over the living room wall. When I saw it, I freaked the heck out!
I told her she’s a spoiled freaking brat. She started screaming and crying even worse which finally woke my sister up. She came out and instead of being angry and scolding her daughter for her behavior, she scolded ME for yelling at her and calling her a spoiled brat.
Not my proudest moment, but I yelled at my sister that I was being kind by letting them stay with me rent-free and I was being treated like absolute crap in return.
She wasn’t parenting her child, and I wasn’t going to parent her child for her, so she needed to get her crap together and her daughter under control or they could find somewhere else to stay.
Her daughter was not only getting me in trouble at my job, but had no respect for my personal belongings, and now I was probably going to lose my security deposit because she doesn’t accept the word “no.”
My sister started crying, called me a jerk, and she and my niece hasn’t come out of their room. I feel bad now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sadly, this might have been the only way to get through to your sister right now.
She is of course allowed to grieve and be sad, angry, all of the things that happen when a marriage implodes. However, she still has to be a parent. Your niece is suffering, too.
The thing is, you didn’t live in the house with your sister and her husband. For all you know, your niece may be acting out for 100 different reasons. Maybe she heard a lot of fighting.
Maybe they ignored her because their marriage was falling apart. Maybe the kid feels abandoned. Ok or maybe the kid is just a brat. Her parents would know but how could you?
It’s up to them both to step in, discipline, love, nurture, reassure, all the stuff to help their child get through this breakup okay.
Sure, it sucks that you yelled at your niece.
I know you should have tried to be more calm, but this is not your kid. I hate it when people don’t act like parents and then they are all mortified when another adult has to do it.” Brave-Cheesecake9431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you offered your home as a kindness. That kindness is being taken advantage of. No matter what is going on, your sister needs to be responsible for her child and parent, otherwise, she should be with her other parent.
You also have to stop being a doormat. They are guests. Your home, your rules and boundaries if those cannot be followed then they aren’t entitled to be in your space.
Divorce is hard. But your sister cannot simply stop parenting and drop all her crap on your literal doorstep. Sit with her and set a plan. But she is still sulking because you’ve made the exception of support indefinite.
More than anything, you’re supporting everyone. What happens if her unruly behavior costs you your job? Then what? Everyone’s on the street because she has completely checked out?
Again, extending her grace, she still has to care for her child. I’m honestly sorry. Is there no one else to offer her support?” gurlwithdragontat2
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Honestly, I can’t believe the consensus here; it’s so disheartening.
Even if I can sympathize with you, it doesn’t change the facts. You swore and yelled at a seven-year-old child.
You, a grown adult with a career, resorted to name-calling because a seven-year-old with no place else to go and a mother who lays in bed all day was acting out.
There’s no excuse for that, full stop. Even if she knows right from wrong, smirked at you, or laughed at you when she broke your stuff: she is depending on the adults around her to take care of her and to teach her how to treat people, and now you have just given her one more very bad example of how to react to anger.
It sounds like all of you are in a difficult position right now, and I can understand why you are so mad – I would be too – but this ain’t it.
I’m very glad they’re going to therapy. I do hope that they leave as soon as possible because this seems like a nightmare for all involved.” FunfettiFurby
2. AITJ For Insulting A Stranger In Public?
“It was a week ago.
I (27F) was going out of my apartment for some groceries.
There was an old guy, around 60 I would say, that started staring at me and making big gestures like pointing at me and raising his hand.
I had headphones on with music blasting. I couldn’t clearly understand what the dude was saying but I thought hearing “Que bella!” (So beautiful in Italian). From his body language, I understand it was some compliments.
I got super mad. I was not afraid of him and I promised myself that I would stop ignoring men when they bother me. It is too easy for them.
They know we have been taught to accept everything and just walk away. I was almost alone in the street and I guess this man seized this opportunity to speak to me.
I’m really not sure he would have done the same otherwise.
Here is the thing, men always talk to us, staring at us, and follow us. I’m tired, tired of men.
I don’t care if they don’t do it intentionally. I don’t even believe that in 2022 they aren’t conscious that they pressurize us to wear different clothes, avoid certain areas to avoid THEM, etc. I don’t know of any healthy relationships that started with street harassment.
I don’t see a world where a grown-up 60-year-old man could think I would get with him or have a positive opinion of him after doing this. So why doing that?
The pleasure of dominance? Kink of making someone uncomfortable?
I took this opportunity to give a good lesson to him. I took off my headphones and start asking “why the heck are you talking to me ?” Then I start explaining to him that I just want to do my freaking grocery shopping without being bothered by the audacity of men.
Women deserve to be treated like human beings. Would he like a 60-year-old man to comment on him every single time he goes out?
But I live in France and this guy was Italian, only speaking Italian.
He was livid. He wasn’t at all expecting this reaction. I honestly had a bit of pleasure. Then he started to be very upset. I didn’t understand a word of what he was saying, but he was very aggressive.
I just yelled at him “jerkhead” in Italian and then walk away.
My mother said AITJ for reacting to this man that was only nicely and politely complimenting me. I’m done with men interrupting my life because they think I’m available at any moment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no reason for strangers on the street to bother somebody if it’s not asking for directions or something. As a woman, I completely understand where you’re coming from, and catcalling or street harassment is never okay, regardless of the “intentions”.
If he was saying something like “Your outfit is really cool” or something that would be more genuinely polite, but if it’s just something stupid like “beautiful girl” or “hot girl” that’s sooooo irritating.
Good on you for not letting it slide.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Maybe if more of us call these dudes out, it will end eventually (I can dream).
I never experienced more street harassment than when I lived in one of the largest cities in the US. A funny, not-so-creepy one was when a much older guy sidled up to me as I was trying to hurry to the train after work, and asked me out to dinner.
I told him “I’m going home to my partner” and he tried to backpedal saying “I didn’t mean a date,” haha, yeah right, guy. I always go around asking hot young strangers out for a platonic dinner.” vermiciousknidlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Men have to learn that women don’t exist for their pleasure.
This man would have never intruded into another man’s space to give him a compliment, yet he felt it was proper to intrude into yours because he feels entitled over a woman.
He needs to learn his place and stay in his lane.” ThatsSoExtra
1. AITJ For Refusing To Delete My Ultrasound Photos From Social Media To Make My Friend Happy?
“I (27F) am 8 months pregnant. One of my closest friends “Skylar” (27F) was also pregnant but had a miscarriage just a few weeks ago.
She was about 3 or 4 months along when it happened and I was one of the first people she told. When she told me she was honest that she was jealous and that she did not want to hear anything related to my pregnancy while she goes through this and I of course agreed because I didn’t want to further upset her and I know this is super difficult for her.
I just got my late ultrasound done recently and my husband and I really wanted to put them on FB. I thought about Skylar but decided to post it today with a text saying how excited I am to meet my son in a month, I figured it would probably be okay because I was not saying or sending anything to her personally and if it appeared on her timeline she could just hide it.
Not even an hour passes, and she sends me a screenshot of my post asking “What is this?” and I apologized. She sends a paragraph that she was very hurt that she found this on her timeline and that I have to delete it and should not be posting anything about my baby for a while until she is doing better.
As politely as I possibly could, I refused by sending “Skylar, I understand that you are going through a very rough time, but it is mine and my husband’s decision whether we have anything relating to our son on our social media.
I can easily not talk to you or send you anything personal about it, but it’s unreasonable to expect me to wait around for you to move on before I post things about my son, which I remind you, will be here very soon.
You actually think it’s okay to tell me I can’t post about my son when he is born? There are alternatives, you can choose to hide the posts or take a break from my profile so you don’t have to see my posts until you are ready, but like it or not my husband and I plan on celebrating this time in our lives, with others on our social media and we can’t just put all of that on hold for you.
I’m sorry.”
Skylar did not take that very well, called me a witch, and blocked me. Her husband also texted me saying that now he has this to deal with on top of everything about the miscarriage and called me a jerk.
They both have been acting very out of character lately, which I understand because I know they are going through a difficult period but I really did not think things would escalate like this.
My husband said that this for them to deal with and that it’s not fair that we can’t post about our son because of them, but I’m now having doubts about how I dealt with the whole thing?
AITJ? Should I have respected her more and took it down? I don’t know…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I was pregnant at the same time my cousin was. I was already high-risk, had previous pregnancy/birth issues.
But it was still a shock when they said she no longer had a heartbeat, after I had just felt her kick for the first time three days prior. I had to have surgery instead of a D&C to have her removed (which would be illegal now in many states).
I checked the boxes for fetal testing & returning her remains.
I had an experience SOOO bad due to the hospital screwing up, that everyone we knew pushed for us to sue (it’s graphic & you don’t need that right now).
I just asked that they make sure it never happens again & started the grieving process.
Meanwhile, my cousin & quite a few friends joyously posted their pregnancy & birth updates.
And I was (& still am) TRULY happy for them. That’s a LIFE instead of another death! A precious, wanted, loved, innocent BABY. Of course, there were thoughts of where I’d be at in my pregnancy & then where she would be if she’d been born, especially after they all had their babies around the time she would have been born.
But I felt genuine joy that those babies got to live & their parents didn’t have to suffer that heartache. I intentionally prayed that none of them lost their babies as I saw the updates.
Your “friend”, while understandably struggling, is being too selfish & completely unreasonable. What? She’s never going to be able to hear the word pregnancy or see an ultrasound pic or feel happiness for people in her life having babies.
Where exactly is the line? It seems pretty arbitrary. Even her husband sounds like he’s frustrated with HER handling of this & that she’s generally being difficult.
Miscarriages happen a lot.
So do births. Circle of life & all that. She’s gonna have to get used to it or go live in the woods. It’s not your job to somehow heal her by sacrificing your joy over the literal most joyous moment of your life.
You only become a mother for the first time once & she’s actively trying to take pieces of that experience away from you because she isn’t experiencing it, too.
No one needs a “friend” who’s THAT selfish.
Enjoy your son & motherhood! None of this will matter enough to warrant your attention when you hold him & he’s just endless, pure JOY & love like you’ve never known, crammed into a tiny, squishy body & adorable face; one that you MADE & did the hard, loving work to get here safely.
You’ve earned your joy.” Alternative_Tennis78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- BUT…
My wife (37f) and I (40m) went through 2 years of infertility issues. One round of IVF, 2 failed transfers, a miscarriage at 9 weeks, and quite a few other issues.
We did eventually get pregnant and have a beautiful little boy who is actually starting Kindergarten next week! Randomly 6 months after he was born, we got pregnant naturally and we have a 5-year-old and a four-year-old 16 months apart.
I say this, because even knowing the future, I can tell you that its freaking HEARTBREAKING to go through a miscarriage and seeing someone you care about having a child.
A friend of ours (L) was pregnant about a month after the miscarriage and we were happy for her, we loved her and cared for her, but my wife especially was distraught, even more so because it wasn’t planned and it was her second and she wasn’t very happy to be pregnant.
My wife couldn’t talk to her for months, even after my wife got pregnant, she still held a lot of anger towards L despite no REAL reason whatsoever.
There is almost nothing you can say or do that is going to make it ok.
I thought your response was perfect. Your friend is hurting and is angry and that’s valid. Some people are quiet about it and some are more vocal. You can always post these things and exclude her and her husband on FB that way, you can post it and know unless someone shares it with her, she won’t be reminded of it on her feed.” IamAustinCG
Another User Comments:
“A slight YTJ because on social media, you could have simply excluded her from the audience that would see the post. Her snoozing your profile after the fact won’t change what she saw, and since you had already agreed you wouldn’t be posting such things it was a shock to her and probably felt like a betrayal. (Which, by the way, you should never have agreed to, but I get you were trying to be supportive in the dark moment.)
Before you put up your ultrasound, you should have circled back and told her you reconsidered because you do want to celebrate your own child – or you should have just excluded her from the audience who could see the post. Instead, you threw it up despite your promise to her with no warning you were going to do so.
She shouldn’t have made the request in the first place, but you did agree to it. Just apologize for not coming to her first when you changed your mind and let her know you’ll exclude her from those posts in the future, or to unfollow you on the site.” nycitynic
