People Urge Us To Be Impartial In Judging Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Selling The Car My Dad Gave To Me?
“My father got my mom pregnant in university. She didn’t want me but my grandparents did. I grew up with my grandparents raising me. They did their best but I am definitely a handful and they had trouble keeping up. I wasn’t a bad kid or anything.
I just had a lot of energy and I should have been a grandchild they spoil not an extra kid.
They love me and they did their best. My father on the other hand was kind of a jerk. He would never spend time with me and when he graduated and later got married, I wasn’t even an afterthought.
The cool stuff about my grandparents though was all their stuff. My grandfather has a garage full of tools. He does all the repairs on their vehicles and around the house My grandmother has antique kitchen gadgets that she taught me how to use. It was like growing up in a time machine.
My grandfather helped me build my first desktop. He can do anything with his hands. He also taught me how to take care of his old car. He and my grandmother have regular cars but he also has an old muscle car. It would not be out of place in the Fast and Furious movies.
I am getting married this summer and my grandparents decided to gift me the old car. He always said he was going to give it to my father but I guess he changed his mind.
I asked my grandfather what bi could do with the car.
He said it was 100% mine. I could do whatever I wanted. Talked to my fiance. He said that it was a beautiful collector’s item but not really something we could afford to keep.
We decided we are going to have our wedding pictures taken with the car and then we are going to sell it.
We have talked to places that sell these cars and we will get enough for a good downpayment on a house.
My father found out that I got the cat and he is mad. He says it was supposed to go to him and he was going to keep it to give to his son.
I said that if he got it appraised I would give him the right to buy it.
He got it appraised. He could afford it but not easily. He says I am being a jerk and holding his past behavior against him. No kidding, Sherlock.
He abandoned me and now wants me to play nice.
My fiance says we should find a compromise because my father wants to keep the car in the family. I am going, to be honest. I don’t want my father or my half-brother to get this car.
I would rather sell it to a stranger.
My grandparents love the idea of wedding pictures with the car and then knowing that they helped us buy a house. My grandfather said it was fate that he kept the car and never let my father drive it.
I have driven it. It scares me. I like my Nissan Leaf.
I do feel a bit like a jerk for keeping my father from getting the car.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This was the easiest judgment of my life. NTJ 100x. Your father has no say in what your grandfather does with the car.
He gave it to you and explicitly said to do what you want with it. Not only that, but he supports your decision. I am not even going to waste my time outlining all the ways your father is a jerk but I think you have made that abundantly clear.
Don’t worry about what he thinks. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!” GlobalWing8159
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was your grandfather’s car and he gave it to YOU. Not your dad. Not the halfbrother. YOU.
‘I asked my grandfather what I could do with the car.
He said it was 100% mine. I could do whatever I wanted.’
There is your answer.
‘He got it appraised. He could afford it but not easily. He says I am being a jerk and holding his past behavior against him. No kidding, Sherlock. He abandoned me and now wants me to play nice.’
You owe your “father” NOTHING. If he wants the car he needs to pay for it just like anyone else would have to. Make sure to go with your own appraisal and not his.
Why should he get the car when he hasn’t done anything for you?
He cares more about the freaking car!
Take pictures with the car for your wedding. Then do what YOU want with the car. Your grandfather KNEW what he was doing.
‘I am going to be honest. I don’t want my father or my half-brother to get this car.
I would rather sell it to a stranger.’
As is YOUR CHOICE.
‘My grandparents love the idea of wedding pictures with the car and then knowing that they helped us buy a house. My grandfather said it was fate that he kept the car and never let my father drive it.’
Excellent. There you go.
Brush any guilty feelings off your shoulders. It’s not your burden to carry.
Congratulations and good luck.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was your grandfather’s car, and it sounds like he’s not worried about it ‘staying in the family’ and likes the idea of it being used to help you buy a house.
You have your grandfather’s support in this; do you need anyone else’s?
I wouldn’t sell it to your father. There are too many complications (he doesn’t pay what he says he will, he wants you to pay for a repair he finds later, he complains to everyone that you gave him a bad deal, etc.).
You’re not going to win with him and he’s going to claim you’re the ‘bad guy’ no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you want, which is to sell it to someone else.
I love the wedding pictures idea!” Okie_dokie_36
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Called By My Maiden Name?
“My husband passed away over 2 decades ago. I still considered myself a married woman. My sister has criticized my decision to stay loyal many times.
She has tried taking off my wedding ring, getting me to be unfaithful, and mocking me. I don’t appreciate it. I’ve had friends who have tried to ‘set me up’ but I tell them I don’t want another partner and they respect that!
My sister does not.
The last few years she has been cool. Until the last week or so. We’ll call me Mrs. Smith. My maiden name was Ms.Jones. My sister has started to call me Ms. Jones like the other night she made reservations for Ms. Jones.
She also mailed me a book for ‘(my name) Jones’.
Yesterday I got kinda sick of it. She came over and we were getting ready to go somewhere and she made coffee and she jokingly said ‘your coffee ms jones’ and I got really mad.
I said ‘don’t call me that’ and she said ‘huh?’ And I said ‘that’s NOT my name. I am Mrs. Smith’ and she said It wasn’t my name anymore, but it IS my name. I never changed it back. I never ever will.
She was just messing with me. I don’t like it. It really hurts my feelings. I’ve told her that and she calls me that but she says it’s my fault for never changing it.
I never ever want to change it. I actually love when people call me Mrs.Smith.
It hurts when she calls me Ms. Jones.”
Another User Comments:
“You haven’t legally changed your name back. Technically it IS still your name, regardless of anything else.
Your sister is wrong, you have made your feelings clear to her, and what you are called is up to you to determine, not for her to decide for you.
You’re NTJ here, your sister is, having decided that she thinks it is time for you to revert to your maiden name without considering your feelings on the matter.” AmInATizzy
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is a completely insensitive jerk. She needs to understand that unless she stops this antagonizing, and stops picking at you about this, she is going to lose a sister.
What on earth is her problem that she can’t let you be you, and let this go? I have a sister who changes her first name every decade or so because she just likes to be exotic/unusual. The rest of us just roll with it.
Whatever!
There is something deeply disrespectful about what your sister is doing. And you are NTJ.” Far-Cup9063
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since you still inherit the last name you took when you married your husband, it’s your legal last name. And there’s nothing wrong with still loving your husband after he died since you guys got married and for her to call you by your maiden name as a way to try to get you to separate yourself from your husband especially trying to get you to remove your ring is going against your boundaries.
There’s nothing wrong with moving on from a deceased partner but how your sister is encouraging it rubs me the wrong way as it should be up to you and your boundaries.” LazySmolPotato25
19. AITJ For Standing Up For My Son?
“So, I am a proud mother of a 10-year-old boy who is very smart and mature for his age. He’s always been aware of his adoption as my husband and I have never hidden it from him, but we’ve also never made a big deal out of it either.
He’s just a regular kid and we love him just as much as we would any biological child.
Yesterday, we were all at my husband’s parents’ house for a family gathering. The situation started when my 4-year-old niece innocently asked why my son’s skin was a different color than everyone else’s, not knowing about his adoption.
Before I could even respond, one of the grandparents said, ‘That’s because he’s from a different planet!’. Fortunately, no one laughed. However, my son turned red and looked down, seemingly upset and embarrassed, and didn’t say anything.
I immediately stood up for my son and told the grandparents that they were being disrespectful, but they just laughed it off and continued making jokes about his adoption to my son’s cousins.
My husband also stood up for our son and told them to stop, but the grandparents just ignored us and said we were being sensitive.
The situation just escalated and it became clear that the grandparents had no intention of stopping. I didn’t want my son to feel any more uncomfortable or embarrassed. This was not the first time that his step-grandparents had made these kinds of jokes about him.
It was becoming a regular occurrence at family gatherings, and my son was getting increasingly upset each time. I felt like I needed to step in and put a stop to it, so I decided to take him and leave the gathering.
My son was quiet on the way home, but when I asked him how he was feeling, he simply replied, ‘I am adopted.’ This broke my heart and I could tell he was hurt by the whole situation, and I feel terrible that I hadn’t done anything until yesterday.
I am now considering never meeting the grandparents again because, as I said before, this has happened more than once, and I don’t want my son to continue to be the target of their jokes.
My husband was not happy with my decision to leave and thought it was going too far.
He complained that I was overreacting and that I should have stayed and dealt with his parents. He told me that it was his family and that I needed to be more understanding.
Was I the jerk?
UPDATE!: I just had a heart-to-heart conversation with my son and I am left completely shocked by his confession.
Apparently, they say even worse things (I will not give details) when my husband and I are not around and my son had never said anything because he didn’t want to cause problems and upset anyone. I am absolutely appalled by what I have learned and after our discussion, I have made the decision NEVER to visit my husband’s parents again, as I will not subject my son to any further emotional harm.
This is straight-up mistreatment and I am even considering suing them. I will definitely have a talk with my husband.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a wonderful parent! What your husband’s parents did (I will not call them your son’s grandparents) was inexcusable and does so much harm to a child, to be mocked like that, especially by someone who is supposed to love you.
You are 100% correct to make certain that your son is no longer exposed to people who would do that to him for their own amusement. And your husband, if he doesn’t agree with you, is failing as a parent.
Family is not about genetics – it is about the people who love and support you.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I gotta be honest, my heart broke when I read what he said in the car on the ride home. Thank you for watching out for his well-being.
‘He complained that I was overreacting and that I should have stayed and dealt with his parents.
He told me that it was his family and that I needed to be more understanding.’
One, you did try to deal with them. They chose to continue being cruel.
Two, you and your son are his family, too. If you need to be understanding towards his parents despite their horrible behavior (and it’s a pattern of such) he needs to understand that you will not force your son to keep taking their awful behavior.” Lost_Type2262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – once you have asked nicely and you’re ignored, they are bullies, and there is no chance of ‘dealing with them’ as your husband wants. I know it’s hard for him to see it, but he needs to see it.
Just tell him that you left HIM there to deal with it but felt the need to remove your son from the emotional mistreatment.
Once you recognize someone as abusive, you don’t re-expose the child to the behaviors, so you and your son will not be seeing them again.
It’s hard enough to be adopted. Your son desperately needs to see BOTH of you stand up against behavior like this on his behalf in order to feel unconditional love. Because your son is 10, I genuinely believe that this is the last time your son should see or talk to these supposed people, until he’s an adult and chooses otherwise on his own.
There is potentially a LOT of emotional damage they may still inflict. What if they skip him in their will? What if they take the other grandchildren on a trip and exclude him? He needs to be heavily protected.” OkSeat4312
18. AITJ For Not Welcoming My Brother-In-Law's Family After They Came Unannounced?
“My husband and I (both 30) live about 2 hours from his brother (32M), brother’s wife, and their four-year-old son. Last night, they were in the area to celebrate SIL’s father’s retirement. We didn’t know they would be here and made no plans, but after dinner, they showed up at our home at 10:10 pm.
We live on a dark street with a winding driveway that only faces our garage. We were already upstairs watching a movie and didn’t see them drive up. BIL called my husband but his phone was on silent and he didn’t see it until 20 minutes later.
By then, they had already left, but he asked if he should call and tell them to come back. I said absolutely not – I had to wake up today at 6 am for work and they would have come in, had a drink, and probably stayed until midnight.
The house was kind of messy and I was already in PJs.
Plus, I am tired of them showing up unannounced. They do it randomly to ‘surprise’ us (like they’re doing us a favor) and expect us to feed them and play the top hosts but don’t reciprocate.
They also get mad when we’re not available to host them in the name of family. Of course, BIL called my husband and yelled for 20 minutes today about how we shunned them. He said that family should always be welcome and they would welcome us if we showed up unannounced (we never have).
They hung up angry and now my husband is upset with me, saying it would be easier just to let them come in for an hour next time. So AITJ for not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It was 10 pm. They had no reason to assume that you were in a mood or position to entertain.
Furthermore, nobody is entitled to your space and your time.
The fact that BIL called to YELL at your husband over this makes it overwhelmingly clear that you need to stop capitulating to their crap and don’t allow them in unless they give you notice.
They’re going to try to walk all over you in more ways than one if you keep letting them do it.” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think your husband is a bit of one. Firstly, he should have hung up the moment his brother started getting angry.
Never put up with that. Secondly, don’t pander to them ever, so screw letting them in next time. It will never be for just an hour, but you know that. Finally, why hasn’t your husband grown a spine and put a stop to this idiotic behavior.
A bucket of cold water over them, while they are standing at the door, might cure this disease.” Blinky_Kitty_61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Nobody but jerks show up unannounced at 10:00 at night. And your husband is wrong, it would not have been easier. Because you would be exhausted today and they would just keep repeating the same rude behaviors.
Also, BIL needs to swallow his drama a little. Nobody was shunned, you and your husband were in bed. It’s normal to have the household buttoned up for the night by 10:00 pm. What’s not normal is your BIL expecting you and your husband to be waiting like Hostess Barbie on the off-chance he and his family show up.” VintageKettleofDoom
17. AITJ For Bringing My Daughter To My Sister's Child-Free Wedding?
“I (32F) have a 15-year-old daughter. My sister (35F) got married last week.
I was her maid of honor. My sister said that no children would be allowed at her wedding as they are loud and noisy. I brought my 15-year-old daughter because her aunt was getting married and she wanted to wish her well!
At the wedding, my parents were shooting me daggers, and my sister came over furious.
She asked, ‘Who was I to completely disregard her rules?’. I was confused until she pointed out that my daughter should not be there. I argued, saying that the reason she didn’t want children there was because they would misbehave. My daughter was silent, never on her phone, and was extremely respectful.
I left the wedding early and my parents are blowing up my phone with angry texts. My husband agrees with me but says I could have handled the situation better. My sister is refusing to speak with me until I apologize, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.
So, AITJ?
Edit: I understand that I was rude for not at least checking in first. I should have verified whether or not my daughter could come. There was no malintent, but all the same, I will apologize to my sister and daughter. My sister and daughter are very close, another reason why I thought she would have been invited.
The invite was a pretty generic card that said ‘We hope to see you at our wedding!’, with the RSVP info, dress code, etc. I RSVP’d two people, my daughter and me. I believe my sister thought the two RSVPs were my husband and me.
My husband did not attend as he was suddenly called out of town for a work conference. There was a place setting, chair, etc, for my daughter because I RSVP’d two people. I assumed my daughter would be allowed because my sister stated that she didn’t want children at the wedding due to noise, tantrums, misbehavior, etc.
Eventually, I apologized to my sister and daughter, we are all doing well relationship-wise.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
At the wedding, the couple has the final say on who can be guests. This includes children. It doesn’t matter if your daughter was so quiet that lifelong ninjas would be jealous.
They said ‘No kids’. You brought your daughter. That’s a blatant slap in their face. And it could also create a lot of drama for them because other parents who complied with the rule might be mad at the couple now. ‘We had to pay for babysitting, why didn’t she?’ So the couple might be getting bombed with texts from other parents demanding to know why your daughter was there when their kids were not.
They will think they favored you, rather than you just flouted the rule because Your Child Is Special.
You owe your sister and husband a profound apology. In the future, always respect the wedding couple’s rules. No matter how silly you may think they are.
If you don’t want to, it is perfectly proper not to go instead.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but YTJ. You had good intentions and your daughter was well-behaved, but you still went against your sister’s wishes. The least you could have done was at least ask her well ahead of time, instead of surprising her with your daughter on the day of her wedding.
People could have also noticed that there was a kid at the wedding, after them themselves being told they couldn’t bring kids to the wedding and wondered why someone else was allowed to do this when they weren’t. Could have painted the bride/groom in a somewhat negative light, making their guests think they were making exemptions for favorites or people who they cared/valued more.” airborness
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She wasn’t invited. Whether she was 5, 15, 21, 40, or 87… she wasn’t invited.
You’re right that ‘child-free’ usually refers to little kids that might be disruptive. If you’re close enough to your sister to be the maid of honor, then I’d be offended too that your 15-year-old wasn’t invited. What was her reasoning for being childfree… was it regarding drinking/partying?
That too many people had k************s and she couldn’t afford it. Does the couple have other nieces/nephews?
But her name was not on the invitation. It said ‘Bob and Jen Smith.’ Not ‘Bob, Jen, and Susie Smith’ or ‘The Smith Family’. You brought someone who wasn’t invited.
Honestly, I wouldn’t even see you as a jerk for stepping down as the maid of honor or not going because your daughter wasn’t invited. If your sister doesn’t want a relationship with your daughter, it’s okay not to want as close of a relationship with her.
But your daughter wasn’t invited. And you never brought it up. Never got clarification when her name wasn’t on the invite. Never even made the vaguest reference to ‘Daughter is so excited to see her aunt get married!’ Or ‘I am taking my daughter to get a dress for your wedding today!’ You absolutely knew she wasn’t invited.” Usrname52
16. AITJ For Shouting Back At My Dad's Partner?
“So yesterday evening we had a man from Sky replacing some wires for our Internet, including putting a new one in from our old socket to the new one.
Unknown to me, he left some screws on the floor and some wiring.
I (24m) woke up this morning to my Dad’s partner (He is away for work) shouting at me saying I intentionally left them there and that her daughter (1 year) could die. I said to her I never knew they were there and had I known, I would have cleared them all away.
She continued shouting at me calling me lazy and uncaring, so I started shouting back saying she was acting like I changed the wires and left them there on purpose. She continued shouting so I told her to ‘get lost’ and that she was aa piece of work’.
My dad phoned me not long after siding with her and telling me to ‘Sort my crap out’. I spoke to my grandparents (They own the house and are moving back in a few months. Dad and his partner will be moving away around April-May) They sided with me and said that it’s the worker’s fault and obviously I hadn’t known he left screws and wires behind.
They told me not to worry and that I should just look forward to them moving out. Can’t help but feel like I overreacted even though it wasn’t my fault. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone yells at you unjustifiably and unreasonably, you’re not a jerk for yelling back.
I think in this scenario, you’re even more in the clear. If your dad owned the house, and there wasn’t a lease agreement, he would be able to set the conditions for you living there even if you felt those conditions were ridiculous.
(Like if he wanted you to apologize to his partner in this instance.). But since your grandparents own the place and agree with you, you’re completely in the clear.” UnderABig_W
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone screaming at me like that first thing in the morning for something that was not my fault would have received a lot worse than that.
Why would she insist you left them out? That’s just an odd thing to go on about and there’s no way she thought those were actually your screws and your mess. She needs to call the company and yell. She deserves every syllable she heard.
I hope the next few months go by quickly so they can get out of there and leave you alone.” LeafyCandy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Not even. Your dad’s partner is responsible for the safety of the home for the child. Even the workman isn’t responsible.
They tend to be a bit messy since they have to get done with the work and move on to another job. A mother’s JOB is to make sure that her child is safe unless she has hired someone else to do that job. I don’t know why she blamed you but it seems very unreasonable.” orangeupurple1
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Coworker In A Group Message?
“My coworker (32ish married mom of 3) and I (43 single mom) worked at a small family-owned company for 7 years. We have always gotten along great. About a year ago she had a baby. Without asking our VERY passive boss about maternity leave, she just decided that she was going to work from home.
She didn’t want to put her kid in daycare. Her choice is not a big deal as I did the same with my kids.
A year has passed and she has no intention of returning to the office. There is a very small part of our job duties that are combined. One duty that we share is being on call.
Every other weekend we are supposed to swap the company phone and we each get paid accordingly for having it. It’s not much but it’s enough for me to pay a small bill. I have struggled to make ends meet. Most days I am working 15+ hours a day to keep the lights on.
In late 2022 it became increasingly harder to get her to bring the phone to the office when it was my turn and I do depend on that extra income when I budget for the month. Twice she was too busy to bring it to town.
I addressed the issue with the boss and He said she was not doing what she was supposed to be doing and he would address it and pay me anyways. Since the new year, there has not been an issue with the phone.
I can’t finish my workday until she gets all her work entered. Since late 2022 there have been NUMEROUS times that I am waiting until after 5 for her to enter info.
I have hinted and asked that she please have her stuff done so I can leave at 5 to get to my other job to the point where I started calling her out on the group message.
Yesterday I had had enough. I was at the office until 6:30 and she had some missing info.
I called her twice. No Answer. Mind you she gets paid extra to answer the phone after hours. 20 minutes later she texted. I did not see it so I just finished her work and let the group know about the missing info so that she could record it in her reports at the end of the day.
Then I got a text from her on her personal phone asking if I had questions about invoices that I need to text her directly. So, I did just that.
I started another group message with her, the boss, and the manager. I stated that since she doesn’t want to answer the phone and the only text I would be messaging in this private group so there is some transparency and some accountability.
I let her know that I didn’t want to get blamed when customers weren’t paying invoices because she hadn’t put them in. If she couldn’t get them in I would do it for her so I can finish my day and she can fix them on her own time on her PAID rainout weeks at home.
She had 7 hours to put in the last two invoices of the day. There are other issues of her not doing her job but most of it doesn’t affect me doing my job. But am I the b******e for calling her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You only did what you had to in order for you to complete your work. Her not doing her work is affecting your ability to do your job, and causing you a lot of inconvenience in what should be your free time.
You did nothing wrong.
If she is unable to do the job, her employment should end. You should not have to do any part of her job for her. She is taking advantage of you and expects you to cover for her. I think it is only fair that she does the job she is paid to do.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to make sure that management is included so they have documentation of her not doing her job. Otherwise, as this continues to get worse, they will have a more difficult time writing her up and/or firing her.” Alpaca_Stampede
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – BUT you need to loop your boss in on all this and HE NEEDS to correct her. You are not the boss. Put it on him by asking, Do you want me NOT post the invoices that come in after 5 pm?
Also, are you getting paid for the extra hours she is causing? If not, you should be. Finally, DO NOT contact her on her personal phone. Tell her that business communications will be done on the business phone (to me it sounds like she lost it).” Smitty_80013
14. AITJ For Not Letting A Kid At School Hug Me?
“I am in high school and there is a special ed kid (I am not sure what he has, he is very loud, paces back and forth, fights sometimes, panics) I was always very nice even when he told me he was in love with me after I said hi after I walked by him.
Ever since he literally sees me and just lurches at me and hugs me. I usually just say no thanks I don’t hug because of germs and he doesn’t get it and gets sad but he leaves.
Today at school, everyone was crowded around and walking to their next class when he comes out of the crowd and just wraps his arms around me and screams hi and I ducked and got out of his hug and walked away and the special ed teacher told him not to hug people.
I just feel really awful about that because I might have embarrassed him and other people saw and were like AYEE AYE AYE. I don’t know. I wasn’t at all trying to make a joke out of him. I just don’t appreciate that but I feel like I shouldn’t have just ducked and left.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even kids with disabilities can be taught about personal space and not touching others. There’s no excuse that allows someone to touch you.
You are allowed healthy and normal boundaries. Only you get to decide who touches you. This does not make you a bad person.
Please tell your parents and let the school know. The school needs to work on his behavior and get him more support to correct before he hurts you or someone else.” Smiley-Canadian
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re fine/ Probably no jerks here. He clearly doesn’t understand boundaries and needs to be working on that but that’s not your business or your responsibility.
It sounds like you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing, you’re answering him honestly and kindly as you can and physically moving is not a jerk move. I’ve had this experience in HS with a classmate with special needs who kind of latched onto me, it can be awkward and you’re within your rights to politely decline and to move away from him if he’s getting in your space.” Hot_Confidence_4593
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – given the fact that the special education teacher corrected him, this is probably a known behavioral issue the teacher + kid are working on together. If you feel comfortable you should go to his teacher and talk to them about this!
They may have some strategies to help i.e maybe he doesn’t understand that you don’t like hugs, but would understand if you phrased it as hands to self, please. At the very least, the teachers will keep a closer eye if they know this is an issue with you specifically.
It keeps you safe AND increases his learning. A win-win.” littlestgoldfish
13. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Come To The Wedding Without My Fiancé?
“A high-school friend of mine is getting married, our group used to be close in school – There were 4 of us in total – Pamela, Ryan, Ben, and myself. I moved away at 16, 3 hours away and all remained close.
We all occasionally visited, not often but once we started college, Uni, and life they too moved apart but we all keep in contact online and meet up once or twice a year if we can.
We are all in long-term relationships, and three of us are engaged. Ben gets along well with Pamela and Ryan’s partners as they share a very large common interest and skill set and occasionally attend events together because of this whereas I think Ben is only on okay terms with my partner as they are vastly different people, they haven’t met more than 10 times, and there’s no discourse, they just are very different from each other.
(which is A-okay you don’t have to be best friends with everyone and my partner gets along with Pamela and Ryan well)
Ben got engaged last year and has scheduled the wedding for this year, super happy for him, his fiance is lovely even if we’ve only met a couple of times.
However, the wedding invite has just arrived and is just for me, not my fiance and my other friends have plus ones. (We knew it was coming as we were asked to save the date.)
I don’t really feel comfortable going alone, I can’t drive and the wedding is a day after my own anniversary, and I’d feel really crappy asking my fiance to drive me there only to not be invited, and the busses and trains are way too expensive at the moment to consider plus a hotel just for myself, not to mention how awkward it’d be as my friends would have their partners there and I’d be alone for a lot of it.
I know my friends enough to know they would spend the entire time with their partners (as is fair, they love them) and I don’t want to be a spare part on my own, I am on the spectrum and suffer from anxiety and find social situations stressful unless I have someone who I can talk to comfortably, and struggle making new friends.
WIBTJ for declining the invite? I’d not mention the reason as that is their right, he isn’t their friend and so I understand but I can’t help but feel a bit awkward about it all.
Edit: I will be contacting Ben later to ask about the invite respectfully, ask if the invite is just for me and whether it was an oversight, if it wasn’t I shall just let them know I sadly can’t go on my own as with my anxiety I would not cope too well with the travel and hotel which they know would be tough for me – I will send a gift with my love and hope it all goes well for them on the day.
Fingers crossed that works out and I don’t lose a friendship!
Edit 2: It wasn’t an oversight, it was intended due to spacing issues. I won’t be attending but I don’t think that it’ll be any kind of issue either, we are still friends for now and are talking about my own wedding plans for the next 2 years.
(Long engagements are honestly so much easier if like me you suck at planning. LOL).”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you just declined with no explanation.
What if it was an oversight? Your friend wouldn’t know why you were refusing to come to the wedding and you would damage your relationship.
To not be the jerk, before declining, check with the friend and say it looks like your fiance may have been inadvertently left off and you just wanted to confirm that it was okay to bring him/her. If your friend says no, and then you decline, that’s on them and they will understand why you declined.
If your friend was only inviting the friends and not the plus ones (due to space or budget reasons, for example), then it would be fine for you all to go alone.
However, since the rest of the friend group’s plus ones are invited, and since you are actually engaged and not just recently together, it is appropriate for your plus one to be included.” newfriend836639
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just decline with the excuse that it interferes with your own anniversary which you already had plans with your partner so apologize and send a small gift to the couple marrying instead. Maybe include a line about how you could have possibly attended if you could have had a +1 like the other friends but since they chose not to do that, you have to regretfully decline.
Maybe you’ll get a call that it was an oversight and that they want you there so of course your partner can attend with you, in which case you need to request a new invite with the +1 added to it in order to be able to go.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And they are lying about the spacing issues. If it was spacing issues your other friends’ partners wouldn’t be invited either. Sorry, but your friendship isn’t as good as you seem to think because they deliberately left out your fiance knowing you can’t drive yourself there, so you either treat your fiance like crap asking them to take you to a wedding that they aren’t invited to or you just don’t go yourself.
So it was really an invitation they knew you would decline.” Mishy162
12. AITJ For Being Mean To My Sister When She Refused To Babysit My Kid?
“My (27) wife and I are celebrating our five-year anniversary tonight and we made reservations to do a super fun activity like three months ago. We have a 12-week-old daughter for whom we needed to find a babysitter for the time we would be out; 6:45 pm – 11:30 pm.
As it turns out all of our usual babysitters are out of town tonight so I reached out to my older sister (35) to ask if we can leave our baby daughter by her house for that time. I said that she is generally a well-behaved baby but there is no guarantee that she’ll be asleep by 10 pm which is my sister’s usual bedtime.
Add to this that my sister and her husband have four sons ranging between the ages of 16 years old – 4 years old and she is currently pregnant with her fifth child and who is in her ninth month.
By way of background, throughout all of the years, my sister had her children and I was not yet married I was always available to help her out with her kids.
I picked them up from school and sitter more times than I can remember. I came over to tutor them in math and help them with their schoolwork. I babysat them at night and on three separate occasions. I actually moved into her house for a few days at a shot.
I even moved into their house once with my 6-month-old son (he’s 2 now).
All the while we never complained and we were happy to do it because family is family. At the same time, my sister did not have many opportunities to reciprocate because my needs were always so much less than hers.
I used her Netflix account for years and I would often come to visit her house when I needed a place to relax. I put my son to sleep by her twice over the last year and she picked my son up from daycare once.
I am not trying to be t*t for tat but I just want to paint a picture of how this relationship has worked. We are very close.
So back to my story, I ask her if I can leave my 12-week-old daughter with her and she tells me in no uncertain terms (but very nicely) ‘I need my sleep so if you want to leave her here until 10:00 you can.’ I passive-aggressively responded to her ‘most babies are born sleep-trained and go to sleep at around 10:00 so you having a baby soon won’t pose any problem for you.’ She got upset with me and told me I was making her feel bad that she needed sleep.
I responded that given how much I had done for her over the years I was hurt that she couldn’t give up an extra hour and a half of her sleep to help me out even though she is in her ninth month.
She wants me to apologize but I think I did nothing wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Whether you have done stuff for her or not, the woman had 4 kids and is 9 months pregnant with a 5th one. If she had said yes then there isn’t a problem, but she said no because she was probably absolutely shattered from running around after her kids while feeling like a planet.
It’s not unreasonable of her to say no, and you’re a major jerk for being rude to her about it. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you should expect them to do stuff for you.
She was pretty generous for offering till 10 o’clock. I don’t blame her for not wanting to stay up till nearly midnight waiting for you to pick up your daughter.
Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to babysit at all for you now.” Gumgums66
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister has every right to say no to a late-night obligation when she is in her 9th month of pregnancy. Your generosity on other occasions does not give you the right to demand something of her which she thinks would be detrimental to her health.
It may not be apparent to you, but people in their 20s generally need more sleep than people in their 30s even when they aren’t pregnant!” ElegantAnt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Don’t drag your pregnant sister with other kids into something you should have asked and scheduled for ahead of time if you’re only going to be ‘well, I helped you before.’ If she said until 10 and you want longer, then find someone else or be back by 10.
She was helping you out until 10 and I think that’s awesome of her to do with her own situation. You don’t think she doesn’t know you have helped her, or that babies don’t sleep on command? She was close to giving birth! Give her a break.
Plan plan plan AHEAD. And if it falls through, oh well, try for another time. You have got other priorities now as a parent. You’re not always going to get the babysitter or time away unless you plan things accordingly.” ginger-inside-007
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Own Up To Her Mistake?
“I live in Germany, my mom died and I had to go back to the US for a month.
I asked a friend to hold the keys to my car just in case.
She ran a red light in a construction zone which came with a 300 euro fine, a month-long license suspension, and 2 points on my license. I told her I’d help pay the fine because she was watching the car for me, but I didn’t want the suspension or points on my license.
So I showed the police how it wasn’t possible I was driving.
Flash forward, and she got a lawyer the lawyer took good care of her and despite it wasn’t possible I was driving, the court is now putting the blame on me because I was the owner of the car.
Am I the jerk for asking her to please correct this with the authorities pay the fine and take the suspension?
I am now to blame for all of this even though I physically have proof I wasn’t driving the car but because her lawyer fought on her behalf to blame me, and I have no one else to point the finger at, I am now being held accountable for all of this.
Edit: I feel bad because she just got a new job that requires her to drive, but I am not sure why I need to be responsible for her mistake.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Well in Germany you can be at fault if you are the owner when you are not able to provide evidence of who drove your car.
This mainly happens if the authorities can´t prove that the actual driver was in fact driving the car. This happens for example if the photo of the incident isn´t clear or partially obstructed somehow. (Here in Germany many intersections are equipped with Redlight/Speedcameras that automatically measure speed and also take a picture of you if you ran the red light).
However, due to the fact that you got also proof that you were not even remotely able to be driving on this day, no judge will be able to force you to pay the fine or get the points/suspension.
But a judge can rule that from now on it´s mandatory to keep a record of whom/when and how much is driving by a so-called ‘Fahrtenbuch’/Drivers logbook.
If you are a member of any kind of Drivers association like ADAC (Allgemeiner Deutscher Automobil-Club – General German Automobile Club) or similar just contact their lawyers they will help you for free.” C00L_HAND
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should provide everything required not just to try and avoid this, but your supposed friend betrayed your trust and looks to stick you with the repercussions of their actions.
If driving is so important to their job maybe they shouldn’t have taken your car without your knowledge, broken traffic laws, and then thrown you under the bus.
This person isn’t your friend.” Scatterbrainedscot1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friend broke the law, she is the one that should pay the consequences for it – every single one of them, including the fine.
If having points on her license affects her job, well then she shouldn’t have gotten them and should have been driving more carefully.
Not only that, but by asking you to take the fall she is adding another broken law to the tally by trying to commit fraud…
No person that expects (and even demands) that you take the fall for them is a friend.
If she refuses to come clean, it is time to lawyer up.” nrsys
10. AITJ For Not Being A Bridesmaid?
“I (24f) and my husband (26m) got married in January 2022. He gets along great with my family. I am the oldest of four girls. I got along well with his family. He has an older brother and a little sister.
His little sister (19) got engaged a few weeks ago.
Last night, she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, and I turned her down. She thought I was joking, but I had to explain to her that after how she acted at (and kind of ruined) my wedding, I wouldn’t be able to be a bridesmaid for her.
She became visibly upset but I told her that she needed to find someone else.
Here’s some long story-short backstory: We decided to get married in his hometown of Boston instead of where I am from in Seattle. Our families had never met before.
When she met my family, she was immediately extremely rude to my family.
She spoke to her parents in Spanish (their native language) not realizing that my father is from Venezuela and taught all of his children Spanish. She complained in a nasty voice about how my family was underdressed for a family dinner (they all had just gotten off a very long plane ride and came straight from dropping their luggage off at my house), how my little sister’s baby wouldn’t stop crying, etc. My father tried to speak to her in Spanish and she gave him a nasty glare and said she was going to wait in the car.
She was rude and belittling to me and my family the entire week they were there visiting for the wedding.
She refused to even acknowledge my family the entire time they were with us and my husband found it so obnoxious he refused to see her while my family was here, making her upset.
She was one of my bridesmaids but she made everyone else feel extremely uncomfortable. She refused to come to my bridesmaid’s events (only came when the groomsmen came too), left 20 minutes into my bachelorette party to go to a club without saying goodbye, was very mean to my other bridesmaids and sisters, and didn’t even want to get ready with the bridesmaids morning of the wedding.
She called my mother (who doesn’t speak Spanish) nasty names in Spanish to her face, and she had AirPods in 24/7 and actively ignored everyone who talked to her.
My whole family left after the wedding and she hadn’t spoken more than one sentence to my family.
I called her out and she broke down explaining how she felt like my family had stolen my husband from her family and was jealous. I told her that was no excuse to treat my family the way she did. (I have a list of every little thing she did on my phone that was rude the whole week… the list is 134 times long and we barely saw her.) I told her I appreciate her apology.
She took that as being forgiven and treats me like a friend now.
Fast forward back to now and she was really upset I refused to be one of her bridesmaids. My husband agrees with my stance and reiterated to her why I refused. She claims now that I am being mean.
AITJ for holding onto my feelings from my wedding and projecting them onto her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not projecting. If she acted like that at your wedding I can only imagine how she will act while planning hers.
I can picture her non communicating all the details..giving you the wrong dates and times… a crazy expensive color and dress for your bridesmaid dress… a crazy hairdo for the wedding… then changing her mind about everything claiming you instigated drama.
Dodged a HUGE bullet declining.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You may forgive her (you don’t have to but that is a possibility) but you never need to forget.
People can be forgiven but that does not mean that the world keeps on turning exactly as if they had never messed up.
She messed up big and multiple times. She does not deserve forgiveness. And even if she was forgiven, that does not mean that everyone has to act as if they don’t remember her actions.
You are not ruining something for her. She ruined this for herself.
She thinks you’re being mean now? Imagine if you had recreated her behavior at your wedding. I wonder how mean she would have thought that was.”.” pthepuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t need an itemized list of 124 points long to validate/justify saying no to being a bridesmaid for anyone.
The fact that she was a rude little snot during your wedding, only apologized to you (and not your family) after such a pathetic excuse, and thinks that everything is all hunky-dory because of said half-meant apology just gives your reason for denying her request more teeth.” KimChiDiva
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Mom Anymore?
“Recently I’ve told my mother that I am not her personal source of income and to not expect me to give more than what I am willing to give. I only take care of myself as much as possible and she has said that I am being selfish.
I, being tired of this back and forth, agreed with her and said I will deal with the consequences of my own actions when that bridge comes. My mother has 6 children excluding myself, 3 boys and 3 girls.
Before she had my youngest siblings, twin boys, I had just finished high school and was in the process of choosing which university I wanted to attend.
That same year she told me I will not be able to go to Uni because of financial reasons and the fact that she was pregnant and would need help. I didn’t complain and tried to understand things from her pov and started looking for jobs instead so I can pay my own tuition.
This was when the global crisis hit so I was unable to find a job that would hire me. I started babysitting for a low fee during the 2 years so I could start saving.
When I turned 20, I got my first steady job and was excited to start working toward my education.
Two months after I started working my mother told me that she was upset and disappointed in me. When I asked her why she then explained that a child is expected to help their parents and the household they live in by making monthly contributions and she didn’t expect that she had to tell me that.
I get paid per fortnight and she wanted me to contribute $500 every time I got paid, that’s $1000 every month.
When I told her I am no longer a child and the only reason I got a job was to start taking care of myself and make things easier for her, she threatened to throw me out.
I ‘pranked’ her, by saying I was moving out and made it realistic by packing my bags, to see her reaction. She was very upset and said some really nasty things to my father when she thought I wasn’t listening. That was the last straw for me.
I realized that talking any further with her was a waste of my time and no less than a year later I got a second job. I am now only giving her a $500 contribution like she wanted but I have stopped other things like lending her money and buying items I see that are missing around the house.
She constantly tries to guilt trip me by using my younger siblings as ammo. I do care about my brothers and sisters and help them out when I can but I am tired of my mother’s nonsense.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom isn’t wrong that adult children who aren’t in school should pay some nominal amount for room and board, at least under normal circumstances.
You’ll have to pay rent and bills on your own someday so getting into the habit of doing so as a young adult is a good idea.
That said, the reason you’re not in school is that your mom pulled financial support at the last minute and conscripted you to provide free childcare for her.
Childcare is very expensive so you are absolutely providing her with more than $500 per month in effective income. It’s also really trashy of her to expect you to pay her without working out an agreement ahead of time. It’s her job to teach you life skills like this and she shouldn’t assume you just know this stuff out of nowhere.
Honestly, you should consider making good on your threat to move out. This situation is very messy and you may find it increasingly difficult to live with your mother if she was constantly trying to sap more money and childcare out of you.” BlaineTog
Another User Comments:
“Good for you on setting boundaries. To be clear, you’re essentially paying $1000 for rent and utilities each month?
NTJ. You’re an adult and should pay rent/utilities. Offhand that sounds about right. $1000 for rent, internet, water, electricity, food, TV, etc. Keep putting money away and get ready to move out.
Move out sooner rather than later. An on-campus dorm room or tiny apartment nearby might be cheaper for you, so when you’re ready for college, that might be for the best. Make sure she doesn’t have access to your bank account information and you have your SSN card, birth certificate, and other legal documents in your control.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you her kid or her tenant? If you’re her kid and are expected to help care for your younger siblings and do household chores, then why is she demanding rent? You don’t demand rent from your kids. If you’re a tenant and paying rent, then why are you being expected to care for your siblings or do anything beyond keeping your rented space in order?
Free childcare is NOT something a landlord can demand.
Your mother is treating you like a commodity. Being the oldest child and earning an income, she sees you as her ticket to being lazy.
When she threatened to throw you out she was giving you a ‘my way or the highway ultimatum’.
It’s clear that it is in your best interest to choose the highway. Find some way to leave. Start networking with people you know who might be able to let you couch-surf for a while, or who might have a spare bedroom you can rent cheap while you save up for a deposit on an apartment.
Do NOT let on you are planning to move out! The choice your mother gave you, ‘my way or the highway’, doesn’t actually exist. She has already tried sabotaging your independence by sucking up all your money, she WILL do everything she can to stop you if she knows you’re going to leave.
Do NOT feel guilty about your siblings doing without when you go. You haven’t mentioned your mother being disabled, and you mentioned she said some nasty things to your father, so the two people whose financial responsibility stops are still in the picture. THEY should be providing for their children, not you.
If they try to guilt you by saying your siblings are suffering because of you, make it clear that they are suffering because of their parents.
Best of luck, and remember, don’t announce that you’re leaving. Your mom will try to stop you because you’re too valuable to her own selfish interests.
Just go and let them figure it out. You’re under no obligation to someone who is abusing you, even if they are your parent.” TarantulaPets
8. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancée To Continue Paying The Bills While She's Away?
“I bought a house last year that my fiancé and I moved into.
The house is in my name since I put all the money down, she agreed to give me $600/month toward the payment (about 30% of the total) and split utilities. We normally split most expenses 50/50. In November 2022 she said she didn’t like the cold and wanted to go spend some time with her parents in the South, where I’ve visited her twice.
She is now saying that she shouldn’t split utilities with me for December and January because she wasn’t living here.
In the past, I would have just rolled over and paid it all myself. However, right now I have a very low income, only $24k last year since I am working on my family business and earning sweat equity.
She is making over $95k + benefits at a corporate job (remote). She Bought a new car, took her mom to Cancun, and has significant savings. I have never asked for nor expected even $1 over 50% of shared expenses.
Utilities are really forking me even though I keep the heat at 62, have replaced all light bulbs with LEDs, and spend 10 hours a day at my business away from home.
I had to sell stock in my retirement portfolio to cover my bills last month. I can’t afford groceries so I take leftovers from work for dinner when I can. It’s been a serious struggle but I believe in our vision and path to success.
I have had plans to rent out the house, either just one bedroom or Airbnb. This has been the plan from the start, I spent a lot of time last year fixing it up. I can’t rent it out while my fiancé’s stuff is here.
After a long fight, she reluctantly agreed to give me $600 for rent (minus the $200 I apparently owed her for a rental car I never wanted), and nothing for utilities. She has called me pathetic for even asking, saying things like ‘this says a lot about you as a man.’
AITJ for asking for her support on utilities?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think given that you live together, are engaged, and she has a significantly better financial situation than you, it’s natural that she continues to contribute as always. To me, this sounds like she is in the process of dumping your broke butt.
Hope for your sake that’s not the case but that’s definitely how it seems from what you said. I’d insist it’s proper that she continues paying if she plans to continue living there, but I think the writing is basically on the wall at this point if she was insulting your manhood
My advice is to get her stuff out of there and rent the place like you were planning. Cut your losses.” GregFirehawk
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Y’all should not have moved in together. She doesn’t want to live in this area for the future, so it makes sense she wouldn’t want to pay for a house in the area and it’s really something you should have been on the same page together about because it sounds like you’re going to be in this area long term.
However, she sucks because she should definitely still be paying utilities. No, she wasn’t there, but you still pay utilities on your place if you go on vacation. Good luck with your relationship, because it sounds like y’all resent each other.” ScytheTheHero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You two are engaged to be married and have not merged finances. While you may not have put together a formal lease, the 2 of you made an agreement on what was expected from her as rent; $600/month and a share of utilities. Rent is something that DOES NOT CHANGE just because the renter is away for a month or two.
If she were not there, you’d be able to rent the space and VERY LIKELY make more than the deal you offered your fiancé in rent.
Whether she was there or not, utilities, trash, internet, and water bills will continue, and – while the heat in the winter does drive utilities up higher than they would be otherwise – NOTHING ELSE CHANGES.
The fridge needs to be cold or things will rot. The heat needs to be on to at least 50 degrees or pipes in the outer wall might freeze. Hookup fees stay the same and are a high portion of costs. Trash needs to be paid for as most cities legally require it.
Etc. By refusing to maintain her portion she is making it very difficult for you to financially plan for your month-to-month costs.
On a personal note, tho, I don’t think this relationship sounds long for this world. Her belittling you for having trouble with costs at the moment is really bad.
You managed to buy a house! GO YOU! That’s a huge accomplishment! But her stuff being there is causing you extra financial hardship as she was suddenly refusing to pay the agreed-upon amount for the space she was using, and you can’t rent out the space to anyone else.
And she doesn’t seem to care. Not good.” 3lfg1rl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This was the wrong time to take a huge pay cut to build ‘sweat equity’ in your parent’s business. You have a mortgage to pay! You need to get another job that covers your basic expenses.
If your fiancée had leased an apartment by herself, she wouldn’t just refuse to pay rent and utilities for the two months she was gone. That said, she wouldn’t expect the utilities to amount to much if she was not occupying the space.
I have a feeling she didn’t support the job change and is now chafing at the prospect of being financially responsible for a home she has no stake in.
You might need to find a new roommate. I think the one you have might not be returning in two months.” cassowary32
7. AITJ For Telling My Sister Our Parents Are Paying For My College?
“My sister was a total tomboy growing up which caused a lot of problems with our parents in particular our dad. I think he always wanted a girly girl and she was like a boy in every way except biologically.
They didn’t have a good relationship and fought all the time. Our dad would make remarks about her not taking care of her appearance and running around all day and tanning dark in the process. My room was directly next to the living room and I would listen to my parents complaining to each other about my sister’s future and how no one would want to marry her because she was nothing like a girl.
Then my sister wanted to be a geologist like my dad and wanted to study geology at uni. She always loved rocks and collected rocks growing up. Our dad told her geologists got laid off all the time and the pay sucked to try to get her to choose something else.
She was convinced to do teaching probably because it was a female profession but after the first year she dropped out because she HATED it. Then she took a year off and got involved with a tech start-up. Loved it and went back to university to do a degree in computing science.
Our parents told her they would pay for the year of the education degree she did but they wouldn’t pay for the computer science degree because they had some financial problems.
A year after she graduated I started a degree in geology and our parents said they would pay for my entire degree.
This is a few months after they told her they couldn’t pay for her degree so she had to pay off her loans herself. I knew it was probably because they didn’t like her profession but didn’t say anything until she asked. She did probably because she had the same suspicions as me.
Our parents always said we were guaranteed our undergrad paid for and as soon as she did a computer science degree they go back on their word.
Lots of stuff happened but long story short they fought about it for a while until my sister told them she will never talk to them again and cut her out of their lives.
My mom knew I told her because no one else knows that think I am intentionally ruining their relationship. But they never took her threat seriously until she got engaged and I got an invite to my sister’s wedding and they didn’t. AITJ for telling my sister I am getting college paid for and she isn’t probably because she was doing a degree they didn’t want her to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as your reasoning for telling her wasn’t to brag or throw it in her face. Then it’s the opposite answer.
I am actually surprised your sister is still including her in your life cause that wouldn’t often be the case in situations of favoritism like this.
So, I hope you can appreciate your relationship with her cause I’d have to imagine it’s incredibly hard watching your parents give things to you that they denied her. It would be wrong of her to blame you for that, but you should know by now that sibling relationships become fractured exactly, for this reason, all the time.
But ultimately, all you did is not hide factual information. Your parents blew up the relationship on their own and this is clearly a case of actions meeting consequences. Your parents suck though. Big time.” AmishAngst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling her the truth.
You don’t need to keep your parents’ secrets.
Your parents are disgusting and sexist. So geology is a good job for their male son but daddy gives excuses for his female child not to go into that field. Education was a good job for a woman but computer science was not.
And they are shocked that she wants to go no contact. They have never supported her. I feel bad for your sister.” Wickedlove7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you are rewarding your toxic parents (and taking sides by proxy) by staying with your parents… ok, well, soak them for all of that tuition money first, and funnel what you can to your sister as well.
That is awful that your sister was treated awfully by your father for not meeting his standards of femininity and then not choosing the path HE wanted (which was also dictated by toxic misogyny)… and yet when she finds a path with good earning potential your horrible parents decide they STILL don’t want to pay.
She was never going to be good enough – sometimes love is conditional.” txa1265
6. AITJ For Coming Home Early From A Trip With My Partner?
“My partner (Sarah, 29) and I (M, 28) have been together for 5 years, and I wanted to go on a vacation with her to celebrate.
I planned the trip for several months (of course I shared my plans with her) and decided on skiing/snowboarding/other winter activities in CO. The activities seemed perfect, and I was looking forward to this for months because I wanted to propose to her at the end of the trip.
5 days before the trip, Sarah dropped the ball on me that she invited 2 of her friends to meet her there. I was upset because I wanted to spend 1:1 time with Sarah for our anniversary. I feel like it was plain and clear that this was a trip for just us.
Even though I expressed my concerns, Sarah insisted that her friends already made plans to come and won’t back out.
I decided to accept this because there was no way for me to force her friends to not come (I wish I fought more on this).
I figured we could make some changes to our plans, and I would still be able to propose to her privately. Sarah essentially blew me off for her friends and we didn’t get any private time.
After 3 days of being in second place, I decided to leave the trip and head home.
I told Sarah why I was leaving, and she was upset. She told her friends about my decision, and I was ganged up on it. They said we were all having a great time. She thinks I am being a jerk for making her pick between her friends and me (even though her friends weren’t invited in the first place).
I never had personal issues with her friends prior to this trip. I never made Sarah pick between me or her friends because everyone needs friends outside of a relationship.
I am at home now and thinking about everything. I have a day to myself before Sarah comes home, so at least I get to relax a bit.
Sarah and her friends think I am overreacting and think I ruined the trip. I think Sarah was disrespectful and rude to me by ruining the purpose of this trip and having her friends gang up on me.
AITJ for leaving a vacation I planned for my partner after her friends came along?
EDIT: This was a planned ‘anniversary/romantic’ trip. I was clear that we have plans for just us two. We’ve been on other anniversary trips together without her friends there. We did discuss marriage beforehand, so it’s not like a proposal wouldn’t be out of the blue.
MINOR UPDATE: My friends are here at the house and they have been running potential interference, just in case her friends try to bombard and harass me. They’ve been great and I am so glad to have them!
None of Sarah’s friends came by the house or harassed me yesterday/last night, which is good!
Sarah hasn’t come home yet. I figured out what I want to say and have it written out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, does she do this often? Does she pick time with her friends over time with you? Balance is fine, but she needs to pick you for more than things like your birthday.
Does she often make you feel like the odd one out when hanging with her friends? A good partner tries to include you. Does she often railroad you like this?
She was soooo wrong in all the things she did, but that’s not the big red flag.
People make mistakes and learn from them. Her denying that she did anything wrong is the ‘return the ring’-behavior. She will never change her ways so long as she sees nothing wrong with what she is doing.
If you do dump her then she will start crying and claim she will change.
She will change for a month and snap right back.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Couples’ vacations are generally special alone time unless a plan to bring others is discussed and agreed upon. Sarah inviting friends without telling you; blowing off your objections that you’d planned and preferred a couples trip; and then making sure that all the activities were group activities suggests that her investment in this relationship may be different from yours.
You might want to give some serious thought to leaving more than the vacation.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If what you’re saying is accurate and that you discussed your plans with Sarah, it was very disrespectful of her not to mention that she invited her friends.
She obviously couldn’t have known you wanted to propose, but that’s beside the point. Maybe you would have wanted to invite your friends? Maybe you would have wanted to plan some activities for yourself. She needed to have told you about her friends coming more than five days in advance.
Given that you have been in a relationship for five years, you know better why this happened than anyone else, but to me, this seems like there was some huge disconnect between your expectations and her expectations. I would figure those communication issues out.” GopherDog22
5. AITJ For Causing A Car To Get Towed?
“I (56M) was helping my daughter (23F) move from Pittsburgh to her new apartment in downtown Madison, WI.
The apartment building has underground parking, but the UHaul truck we were using to move her stuff was too tall to enter the garage.
Because of this, I contacted the Madison parking authority a week ahead of time and purchased two ‘tags’ for the parking meters in front of the apt building’s main entrance. These tags cost $76 for the weekend and came with signs saying ‘No Parking by Order of Madison Police’ and listed the hours that I had purchased the spots for.
We spent all day with the UHaul parked in those spots while we unloaded the truck. We then drove the UHaul (it is a 10-footer) to go have dinner at a local restaurant. When we came back, there were two cars parked in the spaces – even though the signs on the meters clearly stating ‘No Parking’ were still there.
It was a Saturday night in downtown Madison and every spot on the street was taken.
So I called the police (non-emergency) line and told them someone was illegally parking in the spots that I had paid for and that I had nowhere to park our truck and I wanted the vehicles towed.
30 minutes later, the parking authority cops and a tow truck arrived, I showed them my proof that I had the meters reserved for the weekend, and they proceeded to start to load the first vehicle on the truck.
Here’s where I feel like a little bit of a jerk.
I didn’t notice that one of the cars had a handicap placard on its rearview mirror. As they had just finished loading up that vehicle on the tow truck, a man with his son (who appeared to be mentally disabled) came running out of a nearby restaurant yelling that it was their car.
The tow truck guy said, ‘Don’t talk to me, talk to him’ and pointed at me.
I told the man, ‘I am sorry your car is being towed, but you parked here illegally and I paid for these meters so I could park my truck here all weekend.
The signs are clearly visible, you had no right to park here and there’s no place else on this street to park the truck.’
He proceeded to call me every name in the book, and said ‘My son is handicapped! I can park wherever I want!
Why would you pick on a handicapped person? This is going to cost me hundreds!’
The parking cop stepped in, on my behalf, and said ‘Sir, your handicapped placard does not give you the right to park in a NO PARKING spot.’ And then told the guy where he could pick up his vehicle (at this point, the tow truck had begun driving away).
The guy yelled at me some more and said ‘I hope you’re happy, jerk!’
I felt bad for the guy… I am sure it cost at least $300 to get his car back… but then again, I don’t think I did anything wrong. I paid for the spot – and handicapped passenger or not, he had no legal right to take it.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it is a pretty brutal situation all around, all things considered, but you did buy the permits and it seemed the guy obviously wouldn’t have cared that they were there even if he hadn’t seen them for whatever reason.
I get being mad about having your car towed, but the way the guy responded didn’t instill much sympathy either. If he wasn’t a jerk about it maybe you could consider yourself kind of the jerk but you did say you didn’t even see the handicap sign until it was too late, so it would be inadvertent jerkish at most, in my opinion.
Sorry you all had to deal with that situation, to be honest.” mindless_5440
Another User Comments:
“Well, that was very professional of the tower.
The man that owned the vehicle wasn’t even handicapped. It was his son. If the spots didn’t have a handicapped parking logo, it doesn’t matter whether he is handicapped or not.
He was fair game with the laws in place.
With the amount of hatred the guy had because he felt entitled to a place he wasn’t supposed to be parked, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. He just didn’t think he would get caught.
Unfortunately, he picked the wrong day and time to do this.
NTJ. You paid for the spots and you responded within perfectly normal limits.” ShakeSlow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He parked in a spot that had a ‘No Parking’ sign on it. Handicapped or not you are going to get towed if you aren’t supposed to park there.
I am willing to bet the cop saw the placard before it was loaded onto the tow truck and since he didn’t stop it from being loaded that should tell you something.
Someone needs to explain to that guy that he can only park in a marked handicapped spot when his disabled son is with him, he also can’t park in a ‘no parking’ zone or a fire lane.” naranghim
4. AITJ For Getting Upset My Husband Went To Play Cards?
“I (34/f) recently had a miscarriage and underwent a D&C for it this past Friday. I was out of the surgical ward within a few hours, and my partner (35/m) who I live with was there with me at the hospital.
He usually works a lot (including the weekends) but had said before the procedure that he was taking the weekend off specifically to take care of me and be there while I healed. He wasn’t around much on Saturday—he was running errands/etc. Then on Saturday night, he said that some friends of his were going to a Magic the Gathering tournament the following day and he really wanted to go.
He had not brought it up or mentioned it to me before Saturday night. He asked me if it was okay to go, and I begrudgingly said fine. He went the following morning and was gone from like 10:30 am until after 5 pm, and he didn’t really text me at all to check-in.
Meanwhile, I spent the entire day alone, uncomfortable, and in tears, mostly dealing with a lot of heavy emotions coming to the surface.
I’ve been upset about this for a couple of days now. He thinks I am being unfair and unreasonable because I gave him permission to go.
While I did give him permission, I did it because 1. I didn’t realize it meant he’d be gone all day and 2. I felt like just by asking me, he put me in a no-win situation. Either I could say yes or I could say no, but I instantly felt that by saying no, I’d feel like a burden and know that he wished he could be doing something else more fun than being with me.
Either way, I feel like it was lousy of him to even ask in the first place, especially given the fact that he made a big to-do about being there. He hasn’t been with me to really any doctor’s appointments in the lead-up to this but said he would ‘make it all up’ to me by really being by my side during the recovery process.
Also, he plays MTG with these dudes like once a week at least, so it’s not like he never gets opportunities to hang with them.
Lastly, this pregnancy was unplanned and I’ve been keeping it private from my friends and family because I haven’t processed my feelings fully and maybe it’s a mistake, but I don’t feel ready to share yet.
My partner knows this, so by ditching me and being gone all day after he said he’d be there, I was left totally alone navigating the physical (but really, the emotional) after-effects of everything. I didn’t have any backup plans or fun activities planned, or a person to call and keep me company/talk to about it in lieu of him.
I feel like my partner should have understood and prioritized being there for me over playing a card game with some buddies for an entire day—a day that he only had free in the first place because he took it off to care for me.
But AITJ because I technically gave him permission here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. He shouldn’t have even asked. And even if you did say yes, he should’ve communicated about how long it was going to take and should’ve been checking in with you while he was there.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that your partner has been unsupportive. This isn’t something to be taken lightly, and he should be glued to your side as much as he can during your recovery (so long as you want him there).” Appropriate-Value54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First I am so sorry for your loss. He NEVER should have asked if he could leave you. This is a massive red flag and something I would honestly leave him over. His actions during such a traumatic life event are very telling especially since he is putting his crappy decision back on you.
Leave him and tell a close friend what is going on and get the support you deserve.” Frosty_Emotion_1431
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ. I am so sorry. He put you in an impossible situation.
I am sorry to tell you, but this represents exactly where you are on his priority list and exactly how much critical thinking he is willing or able to do in regard to caring for you as his partner.
Please consider this a window to your future with this person and whether that’s what you want for yourself. Picture major housing changes needing to be handled, an unexpected injury or illness, job loss, and financial fallout, and any future planned children. Even scheduling vacations or future planning like savings.
Are you ready to be the only one investing time and energy into all of that? What is he bringing to the table here?
I am really sorry. Consider sharing with someone close to you now and finding support. In a similar situation, I did that and was really surprised at how my circle stepped up.
It demonstrated I needed more in my partnership. I’ve never been happier, it was the start of becoming myself for the first time. I was in my 30s as well.
Sending a hug and support.” champagnesomersaults
3. AITJ For Not Trusting My Mom With Finances?
“I (23F) was asked by my mom to endorse my little sister’s loan for cosmetologist school. I told her no because my credit score is already in the dumps (high 400s) and I am having a hard enough time paying my own student loans back.
I just moved to my first apartment, and Just secured my first full-time job. I am behind on my own payments like a thousand dollars. And so adding another loan to the picture is terrifying for me.
I asked my mom if she asked my little sister’s dad if he can endorse, and she said he was maxed out.
I am not sure what that means but, yes. I asked her if she asked my older brother, who has no loans and a stable income and she just ignored my question. I am the eldest daughter so a lot of big things were asked of me by her, and I just don’t feel comfortable doing this.
Especially because my mother can be a liar at times.
For a while, I was sending her the loan payments for my own student loan because I didn’t have my log-in and it turned out she was consistently not actually paying them. I was getting notices from Sallie Mae about my loan being behind and not knowing why.
Because I was sending her the payments. That taught me early on not to trust her with money, so I’ve been making the payments online myself. I don’t know I want my little sister to go to school. I just don’t want to endorse this loan for my mom.
Am I the jerk for telling her no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is not your responsibility or your business. Your mother has no right to ask you to do that.
Look, you have your own life to live. I know how hard coming from having nothing is and how hard you have worked to get where you’re at.
Never stop school, you continue so that you can make the best life for yourself and make more money. Girl, you will do it.
Don’t let your mom make you feel guilty over this nonsense. She was wrong for asking any of you two. This is on her and your sister’s day.” _kiss_my_grits_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not only should you not do this when you’re trying to build your own score, but you also are not a parent. Paying for your sister is not your responsibility, it’s your mom’s. And then the fact that you made payments to her but she didn’t actually forward them means that she’s not to be trusted with money.
I’d stay far away from this entire conversation.
Your brother has probably wisened up to your mom’s manipulative antics. And he’s put his foot down. That’s why she was not asking him. You should do the same. (Ask him at any rate if she has approached him.
Get the full picture).
But you’re doing the right thing.” criticalgraffiti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s just not your responsibility.
Also, if you what to build your credit a little and you have a credit union or a bank you can probably get a savings-secured credit card.
Basically, you give them $500 to hold on to and they give you a credit card with a $500 limit. Then you buy stuff with that credit card and always pay it off on time so you don’t get charged interest and it’s literally the best way to build your credit score.
As long as you pay the balance you’ll get your $500 back once you close the card. My credit went from trash to 800 in a few years. It’s worth being patient. Hopefully, this helps you a little bit. Good luck.” F*************n
2. AITJ For Going Off At Our Old Neighbor For Trespassing?
“I (21F) & my partner (25M) have an older neighbor. We live in a pretty decent neighborhood where not much happens, and you don’t hear anything bad happening. We have a neighbor down the way, we’ll call him Carl (50M). He comes up often to smoke with us, or just to come up & visit BUT, he’s recently let this lady, we’ll call her Sarah (50-60F) move in with him.
She is an older hippy lady but, here’s the thing.
He showed her where our house is (for whatever unknown reason?) & now she comes to our house AT LEAST 3 times a week and just walks into our house without knocking. She has even gone as far as to walk in on me and my partner while we’re having an intimate time & she awkwardly stares at us at our door while we’re unsure what to do because we both don’t have clothes… I told her calmly, the first 5 times, to please knock before just waltzing into our house, as I and my partner could be doing ANYTHING because she has walked in on us once before.
She does not care.
So this last time, I yelled at her for it. I felt a little insensitive as she is an older lady but, my gears are absolutely ground when I am sitting on the couch & this woman randomly comes up & starts to jingle our doorknob trying to get in.
It literally sends fire through me. I’ve started to lock the door now & she still comes up here & aggressively tries to turn our doorknob. I know she is harmless but, I feel like our privacy is being invaded SUPER hard.
I am from the south.
It’s not acceptable to be a stranger to someone & just walk into their house without them knowing who you are.
Add: I have started locking our doors for a bit now. However, she’ll still come here & jingle our doorknob aggressively.
AITJ for yelling at this woman to stop walking into our house without knocking because we do not know her like at all?”
Another User Comments:
“Your house… OP, a couple of things. (really glad you started locking your door).
Do you have a ring doorbell or the like? Do you have a yard, with a water hose and a sprinkler? It sure would be a shame if your smart sprinkler went off when she is at your door.
A shame, I say. Ring the doorbell camera to make sure you don’t water the wrong person, of course.
OP, talk to your neighbor and tell him you do not receive unannounced guests. Tell him to tell his partner.
Go forth and do whatever you want on your sofa or whatever you want to do and ignore her over there scratching at the door like a cat that wants to come in.
When she pays rent or signs a lease or pays property taxes or whatever-then she can come in. Until then? Ignore her. Who cares if she knows you are in there? Really. Who cares. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for yelling, as you already tried all the other approaches (and even if this was the first time, yelling is totally justified).
Of course, lock your door, but I also realize that isn’t always feasible – you go out to take the garbage out, you are working in the garden, one of you takes a walk – and you shouldn’t feel like you always have to be locked in.
Have you tried speaking to her again, now that you have yelled? You might want to try and speak to her, and you should definitely speak to Carl because this isn’t normal. Not that you should let her in of course, but Carl needs to know what she is doing because she doesn’t sound fully… together.
And what she is doing could get her shot if she does it to the wrong person.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you spoken with Carl about it? What does he say?
Next time it happens, call the cops and tell them you want to ‘File a No Trespass’ then when she does it again you can have her arrested. You might also talk to the park manager about it.
Or you may have to scare her enough that she will remember and not return. Do you have a friend with a very barky dog you can borrow? OR maybe get an airhorn that you can trigger when she jingles the knob.” gloryhokinetic
1. AITJ For Not Clocking In Right Away?
“I (27F) work for a fast-casual restaurant. It’s not out of the ordinary for me to sometimes get there early so I can eat something.
Today was one of those days, as I had spent most of the day sleeping and thus didn’t eat much.
I was really craving a milkshake and a burger from my restaurant, especially since I get a 50% off discount. My coworker (40F) was already on the line since I am her relief.
I arrived 30 minutes before my shift and boy, were they busy, which is odd for a Monday. Coworker saw I had ordered something and was waiting at the bar; she immediately got mad and asked why I didn’t clock in early since she had clocked in early yesterday.
I may be the jerk for not returning the favor, but I don’t have to clock in early if I don’t want to, and I was there to eat while I still had the chance. Getting to eat while on the line is very hard since there’s so much prep to do and I am the only night cook.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t need to clock in early, because the managers probably only want to pay you for the agreed hours anyway. But it is obviously irritating your coworkers to see you sitting around waiting to be served when they’re busy and you’re about to start work anyway, so maybe eat at home before your shift and take advantage of your discount at the end of your shift.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got there early to get some food in you before your shift, not to start working early. It would have been a generous thing to do, but definitely not expected of you. If your coworker is mad, she needs to turn that anger toward the manager for leaving the place understaffed, not on you for working the hours you were scheduled.” six_gram
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but that behavior is frowned upon in the restaurant industry. Sounds like you work back of the house and if the front of the house is getting slammed and they have to put in your food too I can see why they are salty.
If your work is busy and you came to get food pre-shift just go somewhere else nearby to get a bite if possible.” kittym-206
