People Get Uptight In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Offering An Olive Branch To My Ex-Stepdaughter's Partner?
“Lori F40, and Giuseppe M37, met about 4 years ago. They eventually moved in together and produced a baby, Zion, M1 year old. Lori is my ex-husband’s oldest daughter, and I helped raise her from the age of 4.
Giuseppe is a surprise to the entire family. He isn’t the “bad boy, rich foxy guy” to which Lori was usually attracted. He is fun, and he made her laugh. It looked like she found someone grounded with whom she could finally settle down.
Being an ex-stepmom, I don’t hold much clout with Lori, but I’ve always had her in my thoughts and love her like I love all the other kids I raised. Oddly enough, Giuseppe really took a shine to me, and we became joking buddies.
Unfortunately, something happened, and I don’t know what, but I heard that Giuseppe was asked to get his own apartment. I don’t involve myself in the drama of the kids’ relationships, as I figured they could handle things on their own.
Lori’s mother and father are available for her to talk to, and Giuseppe’s mother and father are available for him to talk to, and I am just kind of on the outside.
However, I reached out via text to Giuseppe and asked if he wanted to schedule time to meet with me, and I told him I wasn’t going anywhere. He was glad that I did, and he set up a playdate with him and Zion for a couple of hours on the weekend.
I did this just to extend an olive branch to let him know that, even though things had turned sour with the relationship, I was still an adult resource he could reach out to if he wanted or needed one. I received a call from Lori’s mother, and she asked me to cancel the meeting with Giuseppe because Lori was concerned I would interfere with the arrangements they were trying to make with regard to visitation and custody, etc.
I told her that I had no interest in getting involved in the kids’ issues. I just wanted to reach out and let him know that I don’t take sides; I can be a good listener, and that’s about it. Eight hours later, I received a text message from the ex-husband, who doesn’t even live in our town, saying that I was making a big mistake and that I should be supporting Lori, whom I have known for 35 years, and that I would be doing long-term damage if I met with this ex.
I think they’ve all gone insane. What do you all think? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for getting involved with this and extending “an olive branch” seems more like trying to horn in on Giuseppe than anything. How did you even meet him if you “don’t have much clout” with Lori and seem not to currently have any kind of relationship with her family?” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“Whaaaaat! YTJ It sounds like you are trying really hard to justify the reasoning behind catching up. – No clout with the stepdaughter. – Don’t speak to your ex anymore. – After years, you feel he needs support – it’s about the playdate for the child.
After claiming he took a shine to you and that you had fun, it sounds suspicious as to why you would catch up. Would you rather lose any relationship you had with your stepdaughter of 35 years?” cazmount
23. AITJ For Confronting My Mother Over Years Of Verbal Mistreatment And Financial Ruin?
“My mother (F 53) has always been highly critical of me (F 24), my siblings (M 20 and M 17), and my father (M 54). From the time I was a toddler, she has criticized our appearance, speech, mannerisms, and interests, believing that her way is always right.
She’s particularly harsh on me for focusing on my career over seeking a partner, often saying I’ll end up alone or with someone unattractive. My dad (the sole breadwinner of the household) loves dogs and often watches dog videos. She doesn’t have an interest in animals and believes that those who do are “low class.” She constantly belittles my dad and brings up the fact that he watches DOG VIDEOS anytime they have an argument (needless to say, growing up, my parents fought often).
She also criticizes my brother for hanging out with friends, which she also deems low class. These are just a few examples to provide some context.
A few years ago, she decided that we needed to loan out money (enough for 2 down payments) to her sister.
Any argument with her regarding this would have been useless because she simply would not listen. Ultimately, this put us into complete financial ruin. My parents have, over the past 8 years, borrowed around 70,000 from me and a smaller amount from my brother—we are both in school pursuing a PhD in cancer research and engineering, respectively, while juggling our family’s debt.
Over these 8 years, we have grown tired of her criticisms and her “my way or the highway” attitude. These days, we often get angry and frustrated with her. Mind you, I love her so much, but we have frequent arguments now.
Today, we were at a family gathering with relatives that we are not close to.
She jokingly said “they’re so quiet today but they get extremely angry with me.” Confused looks filled the room. My brother and I stared at her in complete disbelief. I briefly considered telling everyone why we get so angry (no one knows about our situation).
On the way home, my brother and I confronted her and ended up having a very emotionally charged conversation about why what she said was hurtful and unnecessary. For context, what she said was fully unprompted, and it made it seem like we simply get angry for no reason when, in our POV, our anger is the result of years of letting her run our lives into the ground.
AITJ for confronting her and for feeling like her actions were unnecessary?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop helping them financially. Your mother has no consequences for her actions. She needs to get some. Next time she publicly says anything, in a calm voice, challenge her. Bring up what nobody knows.
Demonstrate to her that she no longer gets a free pass to attack. Be very open with people from here on how. Make her behavior an ordinary topic of conversation. You don’t owe her secrecy, and her behavior has caused and continues to cause you and your family a great deal of pain.
NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, and I’m sometimes bad at math (I only got my Master’s, not a PhD), but wasn’t your mother 29 when you were born? You are 24. That is very young in the grand scheme. Successful people tend to be a bit more mature when they settle down and have a family—if that’s what they want.
For reference, being young and having children is often a recipe for poverty. This source is dated, but follow-up studies show the same thing; kids having kids often end up in lifelong poverty. Age at first childbirth and later poverty K A Moore et al. J Res Adolesc.
1993. P.S. Focus on yourself; if a solid partner shows up, great. If not, it’s not a big deal.” Hurdling_Thru_Time
Another User Comments:
“OP, your mother is continually verbally abusing you and your brother (and also your dad). You don’t have to stick around for it, and you certainly don’t have to underwrite it with your paychecks.
Do not give her any more of your money. If in your culture it is considered necessary to support your folks, forgive the debt, and tell her that’s all she’s ever getting from you. Because that was a lot of money. If your mother continues to berate you, go as low contact as you can stand.
Your self-esteem should be so high, as a successful PhD cancer researcher. Most mothers would be so proud. I have a son in grad school, and he is my pride and joy. I have another son getting an engineering degree like your brother—also, pride and joy.
That’s what you both should be to her.” everellie
22. AITJ For Not Talking It Out After A Disastrous Friend Trip?
“AITJ for not wanting to communicate and clear the air about a disastrous friend trip? My partner and I, together at the time for only six months, went on a problematic Germany trip with his long-time best friend and wife. Flights and logistics were a mess from the start.
His friend’s wife grew silent and distant due to trip troubles, while I fell seriously ill. Bedridden or in the hospital for the rest of the trip, I learned my partner had exchanged negative texts about me with her during our first real argument. He realized his selfishness, apologized, and we discussed boundaries.
Instead, she flipped out, saying she couldn’t respect me as a woman because I was being a baby and depending too much on my partner (mind you, I was in the hospital, and I didn’t speak German, but my partner did kind of, and they were fluent).
She told me I was passive aggressive for wanting to talk via text, etc. It felt a lot like she was projecting. I could have said nasty things back, but it felt like she was looking for a fight as she continued to tease me for things I said on the trip (e.g., I liked one spot that reminded me of London; I had mentioned it in the group chat, and she brought it up and said I was stupid and not well traveled (which is not true)).
What she said didn’t hurt me. I don’t believe any of those things about myself. I didn’t respond to her messages of these random attacks, which frustrated her as she kept sending me screenshots that she could see I read her text messages, and I’m not responding.
So, instead, I didn’t respond since she was being very aggressive and immature. Eventually, I blocked her. I felt it was harder not to say anything than it would have been to be “mean” back; she wasn’t worth the energy. After this, my partner and I have had lengthy conversations about how we can move forward and how he can maintain a friendship with the couple, but I don’t want to.
We established boundaries. My partner feels like it was a misunderstanding and that it could be fixed by having a conversation with her, and he wants to continue the friendship with them. This was about 10 months ago, and I haven’t been unblocked or spoken to her since.
Since then, she’s contacted my partner, wanting us to talk – she’s never mentioned wanting to chat to apologize, but she wants to communicate about what happened and move past it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ One thing I have learned in life is that the people who create the most conflict in their interpersonal relationships always want to “move past it” or “start with a clean slate”, because discussing root causes might uncover their pattern of conflict or point to an issue with them (since they are the constant in all of these conflicts).
If you move past this, it will just be something else later. It’s not worth your time.” Signal_Wall_8445
21. AITJ For Taking A Yogurt And Promising To Replace It?
“I am 19, and I moved in with my dad and stepmom almost a year ago.
For about the past year and a half, my stepmom has been keeping her niece on the weekends to visit her. Sometimes, her dad brings her food to have on the weekend, but other times, my stepmom buys it. She has told my dad and me that she didn’t want us to eat the snacks she had in the kitchen.
My dad hasn’t listened to her about it, but I have, until today. I was making breakfast while looking in the fridge for something to add to my meal, and I saw her niece’s yogurt in the fridge. I know she didn’t want us to eat them, but there were a couple left, and there was time before she came over again, so I took one and planned on replacing it before she came back over; I didn’t think it would be a big deal. So, she comes home on her lunch break, comes to ask me something, but then looks at my desk, sees the yogurt wrapper, and asks if I had eaten one of her yogurts.
To which I replied, “Yes,” and told her I would buy her a new one. She just got upset, left my room, and slammed the door.
This is where my problem comes in. When I get paid, I buy some of my own groceries and snacks for the week.
And when her niece comes over, she always asks if she can have some of my stuff, which I don’t mind because she’s just a kid. Sometimes, when my stepmom doesn’t have much money, I even buy her niece toys, dinner, or snacks.
I do this pretty often, so most of the time, my stepmom just assumes I will say yes when she asks me to buy her stuff. So, in my mind, I think that since I share my stuff with her and buy her things, she wouldn’t mind if I took a yogurt and then replaced it.
I was wrong. So, she stormed out and was mumbling under her breath, and of course, I got irritated. I didn’t think it was that serious, especially since I was going to replace it. So, I posted about it on social media for her to see, but I didn’t mention her name.
She then saw it and texted me that I can be mad, but I don’t have to buy her or her niece anything anymore. So, I replied “cool,” and she got upset. So, now we aren’t talking to each other, and I just don’t see how it is that serious.
Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell her you were doing a kindness, not an obligation. She’s a parent and shouldn’t be acting like a 7 year old herself. NTJ. It’s serious to her because she’s losing something and wants to be selfish. Honestly, personally, I’d never buy anything for them again like she said.
She’s confirmed through text she is willing to be spiteful at her family’s inconvenience, so I wouldn’t do it anymore. There is no appreciation but plenty of entitlement and expectations. The child is coming over as your parent’s responsibility, not yours. I hope you don’t let this bother you; let it go.” A91kidd
Another User Comments:
“So far this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but ESH. I think your step-mom sounds like an entitled and selfish brat. I 100% agree that it shouldn’t have been a big issue. However, I do think posting about it on social media for her to see was an immature move.
I would have suggested talking to her (or to your dad if you don’t want to talk to her directly) about it to clear things up. I think airing your dirty laundry online, where she could see it (and people who knew her would see it), blew things way out of proportion.” Revolutionary_Let_39
20. AITJ For Banning My Sister's Plus One Who Stole My Mother's Funeral Money?
“I (24F) am due to get married in two weeks to the love of my life (38F).
I have two sisters “A” (29F) and “B” (26F) and a former friend “Rick” (24M).
Rick and I go a long way back and used to be great friends, but a few years ago there was drama starting in our friendship group and everyone started turning on each other.
At the time our mother was poorly and I knew she was reaching the end of her days, so I was saving money in cash; otherwise, I would have spent it if it was in a debit card or credit card to pay for her funeral expenses, as she didn’t have a will in place or a funeral plan.
She was too far gone mentally, as well, to sort that out.
I saved about £3,500.00 for my mum’s funeral. But Rick stole that money, which I reported as stolen. I told them I knew it was Rick, but didn’t have the evidence. A few days later, my mother passed away.
I ended up having to get a loan out for £5,000.00 and ended up getting into debt for it. A few days after my mum had died, Rick had shown up at my door. He openly admitted to stealing the money and was laughing at the fact my mum died.
A and B knew what was going on. A year later, I found out B was friends with him—not just “friends” but “BEST FRIENDS” with him—even after knowing what he did. I decided not to speak to them for a few months as I needed time.
In two weeks, I’ll be getting married, and I found out during a family dinner yesterday that B is bringing Rick as her plus one. When we announced our engagement, I did say she could bring anyone, as I didn’t think she would bring Rick at all.
I went ballistic and told B that Rick isn’t coming to the wedding and he ain’t going to be your plus one, and if you don’t accept that, then it means you’re uninvited to the wedding as well. My fiancè remained calm but voiced her opinion and said she agreed.
A got involved and a screaming match went off. A said if B is uninvited to the wedding, then they’re not coming as well. “They’re” being my BIL and sister. My BIL stayed out of it and told me he’s still coming as well. Some of my friends think I’m being a jerk because I lost my mother and I only have my sisters left, and my strict stance will ruin the relationship for good if I don’t allow Rick to come.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, no no no. B is ruining her relationship with you, for good, by trying to bring the man who stole your mother’s funeral money (!) to your wedding. She is doing this. Her strict stance that Rick is allowed back in your life is doing horrible damage to your family.
I suggest a compromise. Rick can come to your wedding if he brings you a check for £8,500.00, plus the interest you incurred on that loan. NTJ.” ArkeryStarkery
Another User Comments:
“This whole post is so unbelievable I assume it is fake. If this is real, you should not have any kind of relationship with Rick or your sisters.
They all stole from you and laughed about it. Also, this is more of a personal opinion, but you should not be marrying this person. Given your youth, that gigantic age gap, your previous history of mistreatment, and your very obvious disconnect from reality, I do not think it is much of a leap to say you are probably in an unhealthy relationship.
Even without the other factors, it is a pretty fair bet that a 38 yo is taking advantage of a 24 yo.” jackofslayers
Another User Comments:
“She decided this because B is bringing a man who stole money from her that she was saving for her mother’s funeral expenses and laughed about the fact her mom died. SHE did not decide to end the relationships with her sisters.
Her sisters did. They, as well as Duck, are the jerks. NTJ, OP. You can invite anyone you damn well want to YOUR wedding. They want to miss it? That’s on them. BIL sounds like the only sane one in that bunch.” Cold-Study-6905
19. AITJ For Snapping At My BF’s BIL Over His DC Conspiracy Rant?
“I (29M) just got done with a vacation with my partner (30M) & some of his extended family. For some context, the first part of the vacation was great overall. It was a beach stay for someone’s birthday, and we all pretty much got to do everything we wanted. The second part of this vacation was an overnight stay in DC, and a museum or two.
I am pretty familiar with DC, and I enjoy visiting it a lot. When I am there, I usually use the metro as I do not mind walking and find it easy to use (this becomes very important). My partner somewhat volunteered my experience with DC and thus put me in charge of planning that portion of the trip.
We arrived at the hotel an hour before the rest of our group, so I checked in as I had booked both hotel rooms. Our plan was then to leave for the metro. My partner’s BIL threw a fit about the fact you need to use your phone to purchase metro tickets.
This spawned an hour-long rant about every conspiracy you can imagine, about how bad the city smelled, about how gross homeless people are, and about how much he basically hates everything about this. Now, I do not care personally how someone thinks, but I do believe it should be kept to yourself unless the conversation is welcomed. So, after about 60-90 minutes of nonstop ranting, I finally snapped at him and made it known I really did not want to hear anymore about any of it.
Then, we went to a bar where they requested a separate table from us and may have overheard me say, “I never want to go on vacation with them again.” (We have no confirmation of this as I was trying to be quiet; my partner just thinks they may have heard me say this).
They did not speak to me again after the argument.
So, personally, I feel like they wasted my time and money (we split the first stay evenly; I paid for the DC hotel on my own) to come to something they were never going to enjoy, and by being vocal about it, it subtracted from my ability to enjoy the portion of the vacation that I paid for.
I did a few things on the first portion of the trip that I did not really enjoy, but everyone else did. While I was there, I made sure not to complain and tried my best to enjoy it. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The Metro in DC is great and very convenient. We were able to buy day passes using a vending machine on a Metro stop, but I’m not sure if you can do that at every one. I didn’t know there’s an app – so thanks for mentioning that!
As for BIL, be grateful that he may never want to travel with you again. He sounds tiresome! 60-90 minutes of ranting and conspiracy theories is absolutely too much. Especially when you were paying.” MerryMoose923
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister And BIL Over Dangerous Driving After Substances?
“My (41F) sister (38F) and her husband (35M) have been married for just under a year. Things between us (me and my parents) and them became tense a couple of months ago due to their behavior at my grandma’s funeral. A few weeks ago, we (me/my husband, she/her husband, and our parents) went on vacation together, though we were all staying in separate houses.
I tried to mend bridges, and when they visited our cabin, I offered them an unopened drink that contained 100mg THC. I expected them to take it back to their house to enjoy it there. As we were all getting ready to drive over to my parents’ place, I noticed my BIL threw out the now-empty container of the THC drink.
I was surprised how quickly he had consumed the entire thing; and immediately after, he had already consumed a heavy drinker.
My husband and I left a short time before my sister and BIL. I didn’t want to be the nagging older sister, so I said nothing and assumed she would drive.
My parents were staying about a five-minute drive from our cabin. I was livid when I saw my BIL driving the car. I yelled that he should not be driving, and I stormed away. Everyone else stayed inside and ate dinner, while I sat outside, refusing to socialize with people who I felt had been exceedingly reckless.
After a time, my sister came out to talk with me. She tried to explain that “he knows how much he can have, and when it’ll affect him.” I said that this was dangerous and disgusting behavior, and it is appalling how blasé they are being.
When I eventually went inside, my BIL did apologize and said it was not his intention to drive intoxicated, and he thought he’d be fine since it was such a short drive.
We made it through a few tense last days of vacation. A few days ago, my sister sent a long email to me and my parents accusing us of not being open enough to welcome her husband into the family; saying he will never be able to “let his guard down” around us.
She accused me of telling her to leave him (I have no recollection of ever saying this).
I do not believe I am the jerk, because he put my sister, himself, and countless others at risk driving after consuming booze and a huge amount of THC.
However, it seems like my sister and BIL feel as though I’m the jerk for getting angry at what they seem to think is “just a mistake.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for policing other people’s behavior. You have no idea someone else’s tolerance for substances.
You cannot presume to know how substances affect someone. If you are concerned about someone driving while potentially intoxicated, voice those concerns if you want and don’t ride with that person. It seems no one else was as concerned as you, however, and so it looks like you were overreacting in a major way.
Your actions, staying outside and refusing to socialize, were out of line.” GiddyUp18
17. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Plans To Look After My Sick Sister?
“On Monday morning, I (24F) was called into my boss’s office to speak to him at a particular time. I attended, and he explained that an important work project was happening on Saturday and Sunday and asked if I could have Wednesday and Thursday off because my job role plays an important part and I need to be there, so I said yes.
I work full-time, usually Monday through Friday, typically 9-5, and I often do overtime. My oldest sister (30F) works part-time on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The rest of the time, she’s looking after her two-year-old son; her husband also works full-time. My middle sister works Saturday and Sunday.
As you can tell, our schedule is often clashing. I wasn’t sure if this was relevant, but I thought I should mention it. My middle sister has autism but is on the mild side of the spectrum and lives with my oldest sister. Wednesday, I came around to spend time with my nephew and family; my original plan was to stay for three hours and then go home, but I was invited for dinner and decided to wait longer to see my BIL.
While I was there, I found out my sister was poorly; I was sympathetic that she was poorly but wasn’t concerned.
In January of last year, our mother passed away and my middle sister lived with her until that point. Every time my sister was ill when Mum was alive, all she wanted was my mum.
My sister has a stomach bug and kept saying she felt like she was on her deathbed; I understand she felt that way, but I knew she wasn’t, as it’s just a stomach bug.
Throughout my visit, my sister kept complaining about her feeling ill, and my sister asked me if I could stay to look after her.
I said I could stay up until 8:00 p.m., but then I needed to go home as I’ve got some plans tomorrow. My sister asked me to cancel them and wait, and I said no. They don’t know this yet, but I’m seeing someone and made plans with them to spend some time together on Thursday.
My sisters are still upset with me for not cancelling my plans. Part of me feels like I’m a jerk because I could have cancelled my plans with my partner if I explained it to them and just stayed to look after my sister as my other sister has a child to look after.
However, part of me feels like I’m not a jerk because she needs to understand that there can’t always be someone to drop everything and come to look after her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister isn’t able to look after herself for a few hours when she is sick—just stay in bed, get takeout, sleep a lot—she might either not be on the mild side of the spectrum and need a caretaker or something like that, or she has to grow up (if it is not because of the autism but because it always was like that and she needs a mommy).” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s between the ages of 24 and 30, so she’s plenty capable of dealing with a stomach bug on her own. Yes, it’s nice to be catered to when you’re sick, but it’s not always possible, especially as adults.
I live alone, so when I’m too sick to cook I just order food to be delivered and lie down and rest—surely she can too. It’s better to help her be self-sufficient now and deal with small life inconveniences like this than have her be dependent on you and your sister forever.
She’s capable; she just needs to learn to cope with it.” salukiqueen
16. AITJ For Forcing My Autistic Sister To Do Her Own Chores?
“I (15M) usually handle the brunt of the chores at home since my parents (firefighter & nurse) work really long hours.
I know they do what they do so my siblings and I can live the lives we want, and I usually enjoy helping around the house; however, I have a tough load at school this year, and it’s been tough taking care of everything.
Luckily, my younger siblings (9M+F) have been very helpful and like to help with little stuff like watering the plants or dusting the shelves.
My older sister Kay (17F), however, refuses to do anything. Whenever she is asked to do something she doesn’t want to do, Kay pulls the autism card and refuses to do it.
I ask her to wash the dishes? The sponge has a bad texture. I ask her to vacuum the carpet? The vacuum is too loud. I ask her to do her own laundry? The smell of the laundry detergent is too strong. I understand that autism makes normal things hard, but it’s truly infuriating, and I can’t help but think she is just playing it up to get out of working.
This morning, my mom had a 12-hour shift and my dad had just got off a 48-hour one, so I had to get all of the house work done and had football practice at noon. Around 11:30, all of the chores were done, and I was helping my younger siblings get their bags ready for a sleepover when Kay yelled for me from her room.
When I went to her room, I saw that Kay had managed to drop chips all over the floor, and she announced that I had to clean it. I was angry at this point, so I gave her the vacuum and told her to clean it herself.
Kay said she was autistic and couldn’t do it, and I responded that she was autistic, not paraplegic. She called me a terrible brother, and I called her a spoiled brat and walked away. I think she realized I wasn’t going to help since she started vacuuming after a few minutes.
I thought that that was it since I walked the younger ones to their friend’s house and went to my practice with Kay not saying a word about it. When I got home, though, she had apparently decided to cry to our dad about it (she’s his favorite), and he said that he was disappointed and that we would have a discussion when mom got home.
I don’t think I did the nicest thing, but I was too tired and over it to be as gentle as I maybe should have been. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! I’m autistic and hate certain chores. Some cleaning things literally make me gag and feel like I’m going to throw up.
But if I want to live in the real world and be a competent adult, sometimes I have to do things I hate or feel like I can’t do. My sister compromises on some things because I ask politely to trade certain chores, but when she doesn’t want to or can’t, I have to deal with it.
Maybe if she was considerate about it, asked you to help her with certain things, was appreciative, and helped you with other things, then it would be ok that she avoided certain chores, but the way she’s behaving, you would be enabling her by doing everything for her and it wouldn’t be fair to you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The best thing you can do as a brother is to help your sister develop life skills – which is exactly what you did. Unfortunately, this is apparently where your parents are dropping the ball. You should NOT be required to parent your own older sister.
I think you need to have a chat with your parents about the level of parentification that they are asking of you – and also the fact that your sister is capable of more than they think, she is actively using her autism as an excuse to avoid chores.” Aussiealterego
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The amount of chores being asked of you is frankly ridiculous. Your parents both work full time, and hard jobs, great. If their jobs are stopping them from being proper parents, then they need to change their jobs. I am a nurse myself, and I can tell you there are a heck of a lot of jobs with a lot of different hours; some jobs are so desperate for nurses they will agree to almost any set hours and days as a contract.
I also find it very bizarre that you would be asked to pack your younger siblings’ bags and take them to a sleepover. You most definitely should not be told off for your older sister being unable to clean up after herself. Just because your parents have chosen to be too ‘busy’ to parent doesn’t mean you should have to.” loopyloo54321
15. AITJ For Taking A Stand Against My Mom's Social Media Negativity Towards My Son?
“My dad was unfaithful to his ex-wife with my mother and had me.
His family hated him for it and I didn’t really know them growing up. His ex-wife is one of his sister’s best friends, which is why they’re so against my father even after all these years. It was fine. I don’t really care if I’m being honest. My parents are good to me, and while I think my parents did a terrible thing, there’s genuinely nothing I can do about it.
Anyways, I have a 5-year-old son. Obviously, my paternal family members have never met him. We went on a trip, so my mom posted pictures of my son on social media, which led to my father’s family members picking on my son. They commented things like “Do his parents even love him, he looks starved”, “He looks sick”, “Something isn’t right with this kid”, “You can always tell when a mom loves their kid… shame.” Someone then replied to this comment, saying “I’ve heard that she’s seeing -insert well known creep in our area- so clearly she has other things on her mind.”
I felt insulted and a little humiliated. My son is skinny and tall for his age but is otherwise healthy. And I’m happily married to my husband of 10 years, and he’s not the creep they were referring to (he isn’t a creep at all).
I asked my mother to (1) block everyone that commented, (2) go private/disable comments, and (3) delete all pictures of my son on her account. She laughed at me and called me overly sensitive. Apparently, they did something similar with her when I was a kid, and she never gave in, so I shouldn’t either.
I told her it’s different; my son has nothing to do with their issues. She still refused to do anything and said she didn’t want to seem like a sore loser or let them win by reacting.
I got angry and told my mom that if she didn’t delete the pictures, I’d take her phone and do it myself.
I’m also not going to let her take any photos of my son, send her any photos of my son, and I won’t let her near him or stay alone with him.
My mom told me to relax and stop acting like a drama queen, but she deleted all the pictures with my son in them.
I figured that was it, but my mom’s acting a bit off around me. She keeps making shady remarks about me being sensitive, overly dramatic, and distrusting and threatening her. It’s gotten to the point where my dad’s asking if everything’s alright between us.
AITJ for exploding on my mom like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d strongly consider going low or no contact with your mom. I get the “be the bigger person” part what she’s trying to do, but blocking negativity from your life isn’t “letting them win.” Also: What kind of sick people pick on a child they’ve never met out of spite/anger at its grandparents?” AssignmentFit461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom posting pictures of your child publicly was inappropriate in the first place – it sounds like she isn’t friends with these people on social media, so she’s blasting your child’s picture to the whole world. Not ok.
She should have respected your request to take down the picture and secure her accounts. Your paternal relatives sound incredibly toxic but you already know that.” Ok_Remote_1036
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom cares more about showing horrible people that she’s not a ‘sore loser’ than she does about your boundaries.
She’d rather let people she’s never met – people who will never respect her – mock a child they’ve never met than ‘look weak’. And why does she care? Does she really think they’re over there admiring her because she hasn’t blocked them?
She should be speaking up against them at the very least, and ideally blocking them. And if she’s doing neither, you’re absolutely right to take whatever steps you can to prevent her uploading photos of your sob.” embopbopbopdoowop
14. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Brother In Law's Engagement Due To His Toxic Partner?
“I’m a 22 F and I hate my brother-in-law’s partner. Hate is a strong word, but it just about covers it. Yesterday, my partner told me about his brother’s engagement, and we had a disagreement about what we thought about it. He’s happy for his brother; I’m really sorry for him.
For context, my brother-in-law’s relationship is a mess, and he’s been with this partner for almost 2 years now. They are together and everything is rainbows and sparkles until he does one thing wrong, and she kicks him out of their apartment, breaks up with him, then comes back apologizing later, and they rekindle.
It has happened about 14 times now, and if they didn’t make it everyone else’s problem, I would honestly not care.
While my partner and I were living at his parents’ house while we were looking for our next apartment, my brother-in-law and his partner broke up 6 times in a span of 8 months.
When they were together, he would live at her place. When she broke up with him, he would move back in at his parents’, where he had to tell everyone what happened, and everyone would be walking on eggshells around him for weeks because he was upset.
Everyone was supportive and all, but then they would rekindle, and he would move out, and all would be good. I think I’m forgetting to mention that my partner’s family is chill, and I’m a huge introvert with overstimulation problems, and none of that affects me when the partner is not there.
But when she is, she insults people terribly for fun, and no one says anything, but they will later discuss among themselves how rude that was. She’s loud, and she literally will talk about her trauma at the dinner table for 25 minutes, and if anyone dares to distract her away from the horrible subject, she will look at you and just talk over you.
She’s admitted that she’s diagnosed with BPD and is very open about the fact that she chooses not to take her medicine. With all that said, am I the jerk for not being happy for them? I probably won’t go to all the family arrangements because the family is aware of me not liking her, and they respect the fact that she overstimulates and annoys me terribly, and I just can’t get myself to a place that makes me so anxious and uncomfortable for a relationship that clearly won’t last.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve never met her and already I can’t stand her. NTJ. But I’ve had horrible relations where I limit time with them, be the bigger person, and choose to care for those who are related and have to suffer more because they can’t escape regular contact with the nightmare people.
It’s not WRONG, it’s better for all of us. Talk to a therapist, come up with some strategies even if it’s limited time and interaction until you can distract or manage the situations.” StraightBudget8799
13. AITJ For Demanding A Refund Over A Dinner Tip?
“I rent a home with a friend, and one of my colleagues who works in my company was visiting my city.
She had plans to stay with a friend, but after a few days, things soured with them due to a verbal conflict with the friend’s partner (His fault fyi). So she needed a place to stay. My housemate and ex-wife (who was still living there at the time in a separate room, and with whom I am very amicable) agreed to let her crash for three weeks.
She also had her large dog with her. I’m allergic, but hey, pills.
So, the day before she was making a quick trip back home by air, we went out to lunch. I only ordered a small meal (watching my weight now that I’m single), and she ordered a few dishes.
Anyway, the total for mine was $14, and hers was $38. I slid her a $20 and said, “Give the extra $6 to the waitress and pay on your card.” She looked a little shocked, like, “Why am I not paying for her meal?” Long story short, I knew she’d expect that, which is why I slid her my cash instead of paying with my card.
So, she looked shifty as she was paying, so I told her I needed to use the washroom and that I’d meet her at the car. I asked the waitress how much she tipped on the $52, and she said she tipped a total of $3.
Reminder: I had already tipped $6, so where was that? This means she took $3 from me and tipped $0. So, I gave her an extra $5 in cash from my wallet and apologized.
The next day, she texted me while I was out on a date, wanting an Uber to the airport.
I said that she had to send me the money. She said, “Okay.” Half an hour later, she texted me again, and I said I hadn’t received the money. She called, very flustered, saying she thought she’d just give it back later. She sent it, but I said it was $5 more than what it should have been.
Basically, I wanted my $5 back. I had added the tip and also added $5 for myself.
Her dog stayed with us for the two weeks. She wasn’t going to pay my ex-wife, who did all the caretaking, but I advocated for her to receive payment.
Anyway, I don’t think I’m the jerk, but I told the story to a friend, and he said I lied to her and stole her money. I think that between stealing my tip, taking hour-long showers, and not once contributing to the house, I’m justified in taking $5.
It was me being petty, yes, but the whole “stealing the tip” thing annoyed me because we live in North America, and tipping isn’t an option if you’re socially conscious.”
Another User Comments:
“So your friend is cheap. That’s OK – there’s nothing wrong with being frugal and budget-conscious.
But your friend is also trying to mooch things off you all the time. She’s a parasite that wants to take advantage of your good nature and friendship, and give nothing back. That’s not OK. So I think I’ll vote you NTJ, and recommend against any future shared-costs excursions with this person.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“Either ESH or YTJ because that entire tip story is strange to me and it feels like I’m missing something. Even if your assumptions are correct, though, this was an extremely childish, petty, and passive-aggressive way to retaliate against a person you claim to be your friend.” Cogito3
12. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Friend's Parents' Dogs?
“I (21f) have been friends with a girl (also 21f), let’s call her Amy, since high school. Amy has taken a few years between high school and college to get her life together and figure out what she wants to do.
She is leaving for her first year at college tomorrow morning. Amy and I are not very consistent texters. We normally hang out once every two weeks and catch up then.
Anyways, on to the real story. Amy has been super busy this summer with volunteering and working.
I totally understand that. I am busy with work and summer school. We haven’t seen each other much. She has gotten upset when I have prior commitments and cannot attend the theater productions she volunteers at (not to mention the tickets are quite pricey, and I just can’t afford it).
So she ignores me. I texted her last month to break a leg with her theater volunteering since I wasn’t able to come. She never replied. I texted her twice to hang out since then. No reply.
I have seen on her private Snapchat story that she has a week off from work and volunteering before going to school.
She has been hanging out with some of our mutual friends. This past week, I asked her if she was free to hang out before she leaves for college. She said yes. I said, “Okay, cool,” and then she proceeded to ask me to watch her parents’ dogs while they help her move in.
I said possibly because it depends on my work schedule.
She never replied to any of my further texts after. I never get to hang out with her. Her mom texts me this morning and says “Thanks for taking care of the dogs tomorrow, I will leave the key for you.” I am flabbergasted because I never agreed to watching them.
I said maybe, but never received a follow-up.
I replied to her mom saying that I cannot watch them, unfortunately, since I have already made plans with family that I haven’t seen in a year. I also told her that I never agreed to watching them.
Amy proceeds to text me and tell me that I did agree to watch them and that I am a bad friend for not doing it. It’s apparently making her college move-in so stressful, and I should just do it because her parents need me to.
So, AITJ for not wanting to watch her parents’ dogs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What kind of communication is this? If she has a problem with you, whether valid or not, she should get her crap together and confront you with it instead of this combination of ignoring and passive aggression.
You honestly have had a lot of patience with this girl. I don’t know if I would be able to do the same.” Fit_Permit
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Copying Everything?
“So I (17F) have a younger sister (16F), whom we’ll call Sophia. Sophia has been copying everything from when we were just babies—from dyeing her hair the same color as mine to mimicking the way I speak. Recently, it has gotten worse, though. I started wearing more complicated makeup that suits my face shape, and she copied it.
When people said it didn’t look good, I tried explaining to her that she needed to find something that would suit her face rather than mine. I have also had a big fear of insects since I was a child (although I always loved them).
One Saturday night, she came out of her room screaming because of a cicada, and it was so unusual that even my mother said, “Since when are you afraid of insects?”
We both go to the gym. I lift more than she does because I’ve been going longer, and she tore a muscle because she just wanted to lift the same as me.
I cut my hair really short a week ago. She is now talking about cutting her hair too (mind you, she would never let anyone cut it before because she wanted it really long). I talked to my parents about dying my hair red. She said she wanted it red as well.
I dress a certain way. She wants to dress the same way. I lose weight; she wants to lose weight. I eat something, and she eats it as well. It has gotten to a point where everybody just notices it. The other day, when we were out with friends, she said that the Arctic Monkeys were her favorite band.
My friends looked at her and asked, “Wasn’t it your sister’s favorite band?” I have tried speaking to her calmly multiple times about how it bothers me that she acts in exactly the same way, but she always chooses to ignore me or give me some crappy excuse.
Today, I just snapped. I was talking to a friend about a series I really love, and she interjected by saying that it was her favorite show and that she really loves that one specific character, who is also my favorite. I screamed in her face that I had had enough and that she needed to get a life because I was done with her stealing mine.
My parents are on her side, saying that it was rude and that she is doing it because she looks up to me, but it is very invasive, and as I said, I tried talking it over calmly multiple times. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Siblings doing this is usually just to get a reaction from their older siblings.
Parents always use the “they just look up to you” line, and 99 out of 100 times, that is never the case. Good for you for standing up for yourself; maybe she will finally learn to be her own person instead of a copy of you!” Beautiful-777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Typical teens—they’d probably grow out of it. But yeah, distance yourself from her a little bit. I understand that she might be looking up to you, but that’s too much. We don’t want it to get to the point where she really steals your identity.
Your parents are jerks; they literally tolerate her behavior—we don’t want that. Tell your parents everything that she did and reach out for help.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbor To Bring Their Child Indoors For Quiet?
“There is a family with an autistic kid that just moved into the townhouse next to mine. I’m assuming that it’s autism primarily due to the new car taking up space in our parking lot, which loudly and proudly proclaims this fact with its bumper stickers.
Anyway, pretty much every single afternoon since they moved in, the family’s kid spends a few hours making a very loud, high-pitched, and honestly quite gruesome-sounding wailing noise in our shared backyard space. If I didn’t know any better, I would honestly say that it sounds like the kid is being tortured by the noise they are making, but every time I look, they are clearly just sitting by themselves on the back patio, letting out this intermittent high-pitched scream that must be audible throughout our entire complex.
Now, normally I’m all about promoting ableism awareness and allowing space for autistic folks to stim in peace, but this situation is really starting to impact my entire day. I work from home and don’t really have an alternate workspace I can go to. I’ve tried putting on music, white noise machines, and sound-blocking headphones, but the kid is loud enough to pierce even these filters when so inclined. The noise has started to affect my ability to work, not to mention my quality of life outside of work when I’m just trying to relax at home.
And while my building manager has clear policies on noise levels after dark, there is no such policy during the daytime. I can appreciate any parent who is patient and resilient enough to decide to raise a kid with this kind of disability, but I don’t feel like it should be incumbent on me to deal with the repercussions of this decision when it impacts me in my own home.
That said, I’m honestly not sure what to do in this situation other than to knock on my neighbor’s door and politely ask them if they wouldn’t mind trying to keep the noise levels down. I’m certain the parents must be aware of the noise their child is making and are likely just putting the kid outdoors for the simple aim of getting them some fresh air and a few hours of peace for themselves, which I certainly sympathize with.
Given this fact, however, I don’t actually know if there’s anything the parents can really do in this situation other than keep the kid indoors, which simply seems unfair to both the kid and the parents. So I’m not even certain that there is anything to be gained by raising this issue with them other than making the parents feel bad about a situation they can’t fix.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly, I’m gonna sound like a jerk and get a ton of downvotes, but neither you nor the other neighbors ever consented to these screaming sessions. And from the way you described it, it’s not like the parents try to calm the kid down; they just throw them outside.
In a shared yard. I mean, I would be more understanding if they tried to do something and actually kept him inside to be less of a nuisance to the neighbors. But they simply place the kid outside to scream it out day after day.
Then they should move into a detached property or something. First of all, start with talking. Tell them how this impacts your work and that you really can’t spend a couple of hours not working because their kid needs a screaming match. Second, address it with a property manager.
They may have no regulations regarding daytime noise, but that’s a major and regular disturbance and chances are that it will affect their property being rented because no one would want to rent a place next to someone creating so much nuisance on a regular basis.
Or at least they wouldn’t be likely to renew the lease… Third, contact CPS or whatever organization you have. It’s not okay to leave a kid outside unattended. They can wander off somewhere and get hurt.” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“Oooof, I feel for you, OP.
NTJ in this situation, but I don’t think you’re going to get very far. I would try talking, but I would try to approach them from a different angle. I would maybe start with something empathetic like ‘I know this is probably difficult for you’ and then tell them your situation and what you’ve tried. Then ask if you can work together to find a solution.
Asking them to ‘keep the noise down’ won’t come across well and will probably seem harsh.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting silence. I’m not totally on board with the comments that consider you the jerk. My nephew has autism, and when he was young, his parents would often create situations that would start his crisis, and very often without caring about the consequences for others.
For me, the limit was reached when their thoughtlessness triggered my infant child when it was expected and it could have been avoided. They were able, a few years later, to get him the help he needed and he improved drastically. How old is the kid?
My first thought would be to discuss the situation with the parents, calmly and politely, and to identify why he is in the yard to begin with. They might be overwhelmed by the situation or just fed up. Their reaction will help you identify how to work on this.” slecoanet
9. AITJ For Opposing A Child Support Increase That Neglects My Daughter's Needs?
“I met my husband 7 years ago and went out with him for a while, then broke up and parted ways. Three and a half years ago, we reconnected and went out with each other again. I got pregnant and shortly after we started living together.
I was 2 months pregnant when I found out he had another woman pregnant (she was 7 months pregnant). He didn’t tell me about it. He didn’t act unfaithfully toward me because we weren’t together, but he hid that from me. At first, I wanted nothing to do with him, but I ended up staying because they both weren’t sure if he was actually the dad.
Throughout my pregnancy, she caused a lot of problems, and I had a high-risk pregnancy during which I was always mad/upset about the situation. Sadly, I ended up going into preterm labor and had a stillbirth. After that, she put him on child support and he started paying (still not being sure) $400 monthly.
I got pregnant again 8 months after my stillbirth and had my daughter.
He was paying support and everything seemed fine. Just this year, she had another child with another man and she wants him to pay more support. She doesn’t work. I married my husband at the beginning of this year.
I’m finishing up my career, so I don’t work right now, and he’s the head of our household. He lost his old job, in which the support was calculated, and is now making less than before; however, he was still providing $400 every month.
He doesn’t see the child because it was a choice he made. He and the mom never went out with each other; they just had a one-night encounter.
My daughter needs diapers, milk, and food, and since he’s making way less, he is leaving my daughter with little to nothing.
She opened up the child support case asking for more money, and he asked for a reduction because we are struggling and the support was set before my daughter was born and before we got married; however, they said no because she has a new child to care for as well, so my daughter basically doesn’t matter.
I hate to say it, but I do not find it fair, and I wish I could do something about it because he’s my daughter’s father, and she deserves to have an equal amount of money for her needs as she is a growing baby.
Am I wrong for getting upset that they want to make him give more money? I really cannot. We are struggling big time.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but in one capacity. You chose to be with this man, knowing he had a child with someone else.
The fact that you and he are married and that he has a daughter with you doesn’t erase the fact that he has a child with her. That isn’t a big secret. And despite the circumstances of the pregnancy or his involvement in her life, that doesn’t erase the financial responsibility.
And nothing erases the child from existing. I’m very confused about you saying the courts want him to pay support for a child that is not his own. What’s the legal precedent for that? What is the reasoning being given? He needs to talk with a lawyer, take a DNA test, and then you guys can go from there.” Slave2themusik
Another User Comments:
“In my state, child support orders never happen without paternity tests first. That’s weird. But you married a man, and then put your financial wellbeing in his hands, when he wasn’t even smart enough to request a DNA test? And he’s assuming the child is his and wants nothing to do with her?
You’re NTJ for wanting the order reduced, but you should go back to work and start making demands to have a better life.” Free_Thinker4ever
8. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Buy Tampons?
“I’m still really confused by this situation so here we go. I (26f) share an apartment with Philip (22m) and Laura (25f). I got sick ~2.5 weeks ago and while the country where I live doesn’t make you quarantine anymore, I 1. think I should still limit my contact with other people as much as possible because I don’t want to infect anyone and 2.
really wasn’t feeling great so I thought it was best that other people get some groceries for me.
Laura was on holiday at the time so I asked Philip and he told me to just send him a list of everything I needed, which I did.
Unfortunately, being sick seems to have messed up my cycle. My period came early and I hadn’t gotten a new box of tampons yet since I didn’t expect it for another ~1.5 weeks, which is why I put it on the list for Philip as well, including descriptions of where to find them in the store, which brand, and what type I wanted. When he returned from the store and I was packing everything away, I noticed that he had gotten everything I needed except the box of tampons.
This was pretty annoying for me since I then had to drag myself to the store a day later to get some, but whatever—maybe he just forgot.
I have since tested negative and life at the apartment should have returned to normal. It hasn’t, though; Philip has been sort of distant toward me ever since.
So today I asked him if something was wrong and he told me that he really thought I was overstepping boundaries by asking him to buy tampons for me. Apparently, this made him think of what I was doing in there whenever I was in the bathroom following the incident.
He thought it was super inappropriate and that maybe I should think about other living arrangements since he’s not sure things will go back to normal. I was very confused and just said “Ok” and left to my room, but I really can’t understand his issue.
I haven’t told Laura about the situation yet since I don’t want to get her involved in the conflict, so I’m asking here first to get some outside opinions. AITJ for asking my roommate to buy tampons for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and seriously, guys who are like this, knock it the heck off.
This dingus is uncomfortable because he “learned” that you have periods, like nearly every other person with a uterus? He was made uncomfortable by being asked to pick up a cardboard box, and he refused without telling you and there wasn’t even a conflict about it?
Dude needs to grow up. And gentlemen, as somebody who worked the register at a Rite Aid, I can assure you: Nobody cares about you, or what you are buying, or whom it is for. You are not memorable, and the moment you leave the store you cease to exist. Get over yourself.” InThreeWordsTheySaid
Another User Comments:
“I am going to tell you what my 23-year-old stepson so eloquently told me: “Why would I be freaking out by what is basically toilet paper?” IT’S BASICALLY TOILET PAPER. You are NTJ and people need to start teaching their sons, brothers, husbands, friends, etc. that if you cannot handle a wrapped piece of toilet paper, then you need to halt everything in life to figure out why you are so triggered by FREAKING PAPER.” slackerchic
7. AITJ For Not Trusting My Ex MIL With My Autistic Son?
“I am a single mother and have full custody of my son. My ex MIL is the one I mostly have an issue with, but she and her husband are a pair.
When my son was six months old, she took him floating down a river with no life vest. My ex and I were more than 2 hours away at home. She had taken him to a family reunion. This does not include the several times she has just taken him without telling me where they were going.
My in-laws moved more than 20 hours away after my son’s first birthday. And as my ex and I were moving to a new apartment, she begged and pushed for us to send him to them for two weeks. I originally said no until she involved my ex, and they both pushed until I caved. I had to beg a month later to get my child back.
After my ex and I separated, I moved back in with my parents; he moved in with his partner. Yes, I knew about her. My ex MIL and I used to talk almost daily, so she could see my son.
After I moved and got a job, contact became limited. She wanted to take him once again for two weeks, three months into the separation, and I stood fast in my no, as I didn’t have her son breathing down my neck trying to convince me otherwise.
She wasn’t very happy about it. She demanded to know why I was keeping my son from them and why I didn’t trust them.
I explained that my son did not need to leave the state we were living in, and they were more than welcome to come see him.
I could not afford to travel. She asked if, when they came down, they could take him for a weekend. I said no, as I did not trust her not to run off with him if I left him unsupervised.
Once again, she demanded to know why I was keeping him from her, and I explained rather bluntly that it was not my job to please everybody, but that it was my job to take care of my son, who had been diagnosed with autism.
We currently live in completely separate states, more than 12 hours away from each other. So, I have to ask AITJ when I can’t trust her with my son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would never let someone like that take my son. You are a wonderful mom, and you allowed the time she took advantage of and lost your trust. You could set forth ground rules for trust building, aka MANY hoops for her to jump through if she wants to get back in your good graces, but I doubt she will do them.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She endangered his life when he was six months old. She kept him from you for an entire month when she barely had permission to take him for two weeks. Just, no. Absolutely not. She’s proven herself to be unfit with the life vest thing alone.
Honestly, if you have any hard evidence of these instances, bring it to court and make it so she can’t be around him without proper supervision. Heck, don’t let her around your son at all.” Wonderful-Lie-650
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman has 1) put your son in a very unsafe position with the river incident, and 2) refused to return him to you after having him for an agreed upon time.
3) You have said she can come and visit him—but it will be a supervised visit, which is more than reasonable given 1 and 2. She is clearly in it for unsupervised overnight visits that, given her history, could likely turn into something much, much longer. Don’t trust her, and stick to your guns on this one.” VariousTry4624
6. AITJ For Confronting My Parents Over My Cat's Unsafe Diet?
“I (27F) have always wanted a cat. My family, especially Mom, was against it at first. Eventually, I managed to convince them to be okay with me having a cat, with the condition that he stays in my room all the time.
After getting him, everyone was smitten. Eventually, he was allowed to enter almost all rooms. He also gets to come with us in the dining room.
My problem is that now that he’s an adult, my Mom’s becoming really naggy about his diet. She said he looks thin, which I know is false because he has a pretty constant weight of 3.7kg. I did all the research about cats, and I know that adult cats actually need fewer calories than kittens.
For info, I feed my cat a can of wet food plus 1/8 cup of dry food twice a day. My Mom says this might not be enough because he’s now “big and grown.”
Dad keeps feeding him human food. He loves animals, but his experience is mostly with strays.
My cat has had a sensitive stomach ever since he was a kitten, so I don’t like feeding him all sorts of food. My Dad does not believe my research. He thinks that since he feeds the strays food scraps and they turn out okay, he can do the same with my cat.
I let them feed the cat the occasional steamed salmon or steamed unseasoned chicken, but he gives him unnecessary stuff.
My cat usually behaves well in the dining room. He doesn’t climb on laps or the dining table. But he has learned how to beg.
I’ve taught him how to do “up” (standing on hind legs), and my Dad keeps making him do “up” before giving him food or treats. Now my cat assumes that if he goes up, he gets food. He begs for food like this sometimes at dinner.
My Mom and Dad both feel sorry, feeling like he doesn’t eat enough. I’ve told my Dad many times not to feed him human food.
The other night, I was the last to arrive at the table, and I found out that my Dad fed my cat some chicken from soup, which also had onions and other vegetables.
My Dad only fed him the chicken, but it still came from soup that contained all sorts of ingredients and seasonings. Cats can’t have onions, nor can they have too much sodium. I didn’t make that much of a fuss then because at that point I was exasperated and I had already told him not to do it.
The next morning, I was told that my cat had very soft poop. I just woke up and was very cranky. I was tired of my parents disregarding my words. I sent a message on the family group chat. My message read: “Can you stop feeding all kinds of things to my cat?
I’ve told you so many times that his stomach is sensitive. The soup yesterday, even if you fed only the chicken, was from soup that had onions. Don’t bring my cat down when we’re eating if you feel so sorry for him when he begs for food.” My tone might have been rude, especially in my country’s culture where elders and parents have to be respected. But I’m just so tired of them overriding my decisions for MY cat.
So AITJ for admonishing my parents like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your Dad is hurting the cat. The cat can’t speak up when it gets a stomachache. It just suffers and will continue to as long as your Dad keeps feeding it poison. A lot of the spices and ingredients in human food are poison to cats.
The soft poop is an indication of your cat having gastrointestinal distress. Keep trying to protect your cat. Ask your Father why he’s putting his own feelings over the cat’s health.” Sufficient_Bat_7737
5. AITJ For Uninviting My Brother To My Wedding Because Hes Going Out With The Woman Who Hurt Me?
“I (30F) am getting married at the end of October to my (30M) fiancé. I always heard wedding planning was a lot of drama, but Boy did I find out firsthand how true that was!
Before I met my fiancé, I was seeing a guy, Zach, for about 5 years in total. We met while we were both serving in the same restaurant ‘GC’.
I was in school to be a teacher and serving on the side, but Zach served daily, so he spent a lot more time with our co-workers than with me. About 3 years into seeing each other, the GC group all rented out a huge house in Vegas because two of the ladies in our group were getting married. I was always an outsider in this group because I have a teaching job and couldn’t go out every night after work as they did.
I was also tested for substances and couldn’t partake in a lot of the extracurriculars they did. I didn’t relate to them much, but they were nice people, and I figured I could use a trip. Anyways, it came out that Zach had been hooking up with one girl that we worked with, who was also on the trip.
This girl was always nice to my face, and I thought we were cool. When I found out they’d been hooking up, I realized everyone knew but me, and it was traumatizing, to say the least. I was stuck hundreds of miles from home with my unfaithful partner, his mistress, and all their friends.
We took about half a year off and then got back together for a year or so, but I eventually broke things off and then met my fiancé.
Fast forward to now: My (28M) brother and I have always been close. We come from a military family and usually just had each other as kids.
We have sibling tattoos and meet up monthly to hang out and catch up. This summer on a family lake trip, I figured out my brother is seeing and/or hooking up with that girl. I became extremely upset that he would allow someone into his life who knowingly and purposely caused me so much pain.
He tried hiding it and then got extremely offensive when he knew I found out.
I uninvited him to my wedding and said that unless he apologizes and isn’t talking to her, he can’t come. I don’t want to be upset by his betrayal and lack of loyalty to his sibling on my wedding day.
I also don’t want her to show up if he does apologize and they actually are seeing each other. It’s been about two months, and we haven’t spoken. My parents think I should just get over it, essentially. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! This isn’t the direction I thought your post was going to go, but no way are you a jerk for cutting out someone who invited someone who had a hand in hurting you deeply into their life. It’d be one thing if she was unaware, but she was and is equally culpable.
It sounds like your brother found his equal in her if he’s just as adept at being one person in your presence while knowingly doing something that hurts you.” lobosaguila
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Typical that the brother is the one causing the problem, but the OP is the one who’s expected to be the bigger person, which basically means please just let this person walk all over you so things aren’t awkward for us.
I hope your future husband has a good family who support you because it sounds like you may have to rely on them rather than your own in the future.” RichSignal7022
4. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Parents For Not Stopping My Sister’s Bullying?
“My f(12) sis has, as the title says, been constantly verbally tormenting me (16) M for about 4 years now. She targets how physically in shape I am compared to her, my grades, my friends, and my interests.
It’s been a constant issue that I have brought up to my parents multiple times.
I had a counselor help me try to communicate with no success because my parents did not believe me and sort of agreed with my sis’s snide comments. It’s gotten to a point where I’m in screaming matches trying to get anything accomplished, with nothing ever coming out of them; they are happening often (1 to 2 times a month).
But every time I’m met with the same responses: “What am I supposed to do, hit her?” or “I’m not talking to you right now; well, you’re like this,” or even “You are overreacting. Is it really the end of the world? Just ignore it.” I’m not saying I don’t retaliate or even sometimes initiate it, but I never take it to the level that she brings it to.
She is a very mean person who targets the things you are insecure about, like my grades. I have several learning disabilities (diagnosed) that have made it hard to succeed in school. My parents have spent thousands of dollars on equipment and special aid so I have equity in being able to learn.
My sis has never had those problems and has always found school easy. She would always make fun of the fact that I struggle to be in the 70s and 80s when, for her, that’s a really bad mark. Anyway, that has not been the main target of her remarks recently because summer.
Recently, it has instead been focused on my smaller friend group than hers and on the fact that it shows that nobody likes me because if they did, I would be out with them all the time and would have more friends like she has.
She often targets how physically in shape I am (she is sporty; I’m not). This is because my parents get angry with me for not getting enough physical activity, which is true, but also because of diagnosed mental health issues affecting my self-image, so that I find it difficult to exercise in public and in private.
She constantly brags about the physical feats that she can do, telling me how I could never do them because I am not in shape. She challenges me to races, trying to show me how much better she is than me. She also targets my interests and how I am kind of nerdy and have a lot of niche hobbies.
(It’s the usual bullying of the nerd.)
All this shows is her cruelty to me, but she is cruel not only to me but to others as well. I’ve only really witnessed it once, but the remarks that she makes about others always make me think of my bullies talking about me.
I witnessed it recently at a candy store. She was with one of her friends, and they were incredibly disrespectful to everyone there, knocking over displays or breaking items and not paying for them nor saying sorry to the owner who saw the entire thing.
All this being said, am I the jerk for getting so angry at my parents for not doing anything for years.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you may have to die to the hope they’ll change. Frankly, there’s a reason why so many adult children go NC — it’s really hard to change your parents.
Of course the parents are all surprised — “What did we do? She was such a happy child!” Try to make the best of it, because I’m sorry to say it doesn’t sound like your parents or sister are likely to change.” ggcc789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents should be parenting and they obviously are not. However, and this is something my dad taught me over a fair few years, your sister escalates things because you react. The absolutely best way in dealing with people like her is just not to react, maybe yawn, and tell her she’s boring you now and amble off, pretending to be totally unaffected.” QHAM6T46
3. AITJ For Expecting My House Rules To Be Respected?
“My partner and I live apart from each other. We both have our own apartments. We have been together for a year and a half. We’ve actually been very close friends for the last 16 years. We went through breakups at the same time right before we got together, and before then, we NEVER had issues with each other.
Now here’s the issue.
When I come over to her house, she has boundaries, which I respect. She’s only had two issues with me: 1) Do not wear my shoes on her area rug. 2) Do not wear my shoes on the rug in the bathroom that’s outside of her tub.
How many times did she have to tell me about these things, you ask? One time. Her house, her rules. I don’t argue. I comply. I expect the same at my residence, but I don’t get the same respect.
Here are the three instances that have led to us not talking for 4 days.
1) I had a brand new bottle of dish liquid, and she used a quarter of the bottle for a few dishes. This is an issue she has at her own home, and her daughter even says something to her about using so much soap. Her response, you ask?
If you don’t like it, you can do the dishes yourself. This turned into an argument. 2) I asked her (ever so kindly, might I add, in a text message so I have proof) if she does the dishes, can she make sure they are clean because I’ve gone to get forks, pots, and whatnot, and I’ve had to wash them again after her.
Her response, you ask? If you don’t like the way I do the dishes, you can do them yourself. 3) In my living room, I have a coffee table in front of the couch. I kick back and put my heels on it, and I allow others to.
It doesn’t bother me at all. But she took it a little too far for me and did something I have NEVER seen anyone do.
She was sitting on one of my chairs and had both of her feet flat on top of my table.
I did not like it. I would not even do that, and it is mine. I asked her not to. Her response, you ask? This is why I don’t come to your house. Something is always a problem over here. I told her, “You have your rules too, and I never give you this much pushback on what you deem acceptable.” Why do I have to go through this any time I have an issue with something going on at my place?
I just wish I could get the same respect she would want at her place. I’m glad I haven’t proposed or have the same living space together. We haven’t talked in 4 days because of this. She has really made it more than it had to be.
AITJ? Am I nitpicking on little things? Or am I right for calling out the things that bother me? Because to be honest, there’s more, but those things I do not mention to her because they really are little things I can deal with. But the things that I have mentioned to her I will not tolerate.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are discovering sides of each other that you did not see as regular friends. You are not obligated to like those sides. You are allowed to set boundaries for your home. She is free not to do the dishes in your house, or ask to see how you do them, and use less soap while still getting them cleaner.
If you’re already putting your heels on the table, I personally probably would not have cared about the feet unless she was sweating. But I would also probably pick at it after the soap argument. Your house rules are not crazy.” Unusual-Shopping1099
Another User Comments:
“I think you might be nitpicking a little bit, but I also think she’s overreacting. If these things are so serious that they cause you two not to talk for 4 days, it seems like maybe there are other issues. Maybe do not allow her to do your dishes if you do not like the way she does them.
That’s what I would do. I would not want someone to use all my soap and not actually clean the dishes. I would just say I’d rather do my own dishes. The feet thing is a bit gross, though. Maybe try saying it more politely to her?
But if you’re with someone, you cannot even mention that these little things bother you without them getting so upset that you two then do not talk for 4 days. I do not know.” Unlikely-Sherbert320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Setting boundaries is essential in any relationship, and it’s reasonable to expect mutual respect in each other’s homes.
It seems like you have communicated your concerns in a calm and respectful manner, which is crucial for resolving conflicts. It’s important for both partners to listen and understand each other’s perspectives. If your partner is not willing to respect your boundaries and discuss issues maturely, it may be a red flag for the future of the relationship.” DestinyCruz
2. AITJ For Moving A Backpack To Claim A Seat At The Gate?
“This happened last week when I (40m) was returning with my partner “Rachel” (55f) from a family vacation.
Nearly all seats were occupied at our departure gate, but Rachel managed to find an empty seat, with three seats to her right occupied by:
A) a backpack
B) a girl (I guess around 16?) playing a game on her phone, and
C) another bag.
There were also a couple of cases in front of her, so it was clear that she wasn’t alone.
Anyways, I asked the girl if she could move the backpack so I could use the seat between her and Rachel, and she told me that she was with other people and the seat was taken. So in the meantime, I went to the toilet, but there was still no sign of other people after I returned, so I asked again if I could just use the seat until they returned, explaining that I’d give back the seat when needed, but she just repeated that she was with other people.
So Rachel and I started talking loudly; Rachel joked about how “that bag has a backache and needs a seat” and I replied saying that “seats are for people, not for bags, people are so rude,” at which point the ridiculousness of the situation set in and I decided I wasn’t going to tolerate someone taking up a seat with a bag, so I just picked up the bag and put it on the floor in front of her, stating loudly that it’s not acceptable to take up seats without a person using them and that I would give back the seat when it was needed.
This got her attention and she objected again that the seat was taken, and I reminded her that it wouldn’t be a problem because I’d give back the seat when needed. A moment later, she was talking to someone on her phone for a minute (she wasn’t speaking English so I don’t know what she said), and another five or so minutes later, two older people (I guess her parents?) came over to her, so I stood up to give back the seat, but they said it was okay and they didn’t want to sit, and all three of them walked off and we didn’t see them again.
So I see two possibilities:
A) They didn’t want/need the seat in the first place, and the girl was being a jerk by taking up extra seats while just waiting for them?
B) They decided to go sit elsewhere, away from us because I was being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ People save the seat for several reasons like ‘they went to the bathroom’ or ‘they went to get something to eat’ and are just coming back. Of course she didn’t take your word when you said you’d get up when they returned; that’s the type of thing people say but they don’t do.
Unless it was a ridiculous amount of time (which it wasn’t, you just went to the bathroom) YTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You, as a fully grown adult, have been adulting for a while, and your partner, who has been adulting even longer, decided to badger and bully a 16-year-old because her parents left her with the bags for 10 minutes.
What’s wrong with you?!?! You were the adult in the situation! You really should have at least attempted to act like it. To her, her parents left her alone with the bags when some 40-year-old guy and 50-year-old woman came up to her, kept pestering her to move her parents’ bags so that this adult man could sit directly next to her.
When she refused, because the seats were taken, he grabbed the bag and sat right next to her anyway in spite of her protests. Now, she has to call her parents for help because some creep is touching their stuff and forced himself next to her, and she doesn’t know what your intentions actually are.
So her parents had to come save her, and since you two were being so aggressive already, they went to find other seats because it was safer.” StevieB85
Another User Comments:
“Genuine question. In just a few hours, you have almost 100 people telling you you are wrong, and the number is going to continue to grow.
So do you really believe that you and your partner are the only people who know airport etiquette, and every single other person in this sub is wrong? Are you just that dense? Did you come to this sub to actually find out if you were a jerk?
Because you’ve got your answer, and it’s basically unanimous. Accept the judgment, accept that you were a jerk, and try to be a better person next time YTJ” SnooRabbits4507
1. AITJ For Tossing Cake And Leaving My Niece's Party Over Childfree Criticism?
“I (f27) have 4 sisters (35 “Amy”, 33, 33 “Emma”, 30). 3 of them have children. I was at home to celebrate my niece’s 7th birthday last weekend (she is the daughter of my oldest sister, and we all came to her apartment).
I have been baking for several years now, and I’m child free by choice. I enjoy my free time and the time with all my nieces/nephews.
Amy asked if I could bake 3 small cakes and approximately 24 cupcakes. Since the birthday princess loves pink, I used that color for the frosting.
I baked everything at my mother’s house and drove with her to Amy’s. I went to the kitchen and put the cupcakes in the fridge and the cakes on the counter. When I wanted to leave the kitchen, I overheard my sisters and mother talking—it was always the same reason.
They don’t understand why I don’t want to have children. In their eyes, children are the only purpose in life. I’m with my partner “Jack” for 7 years now; we live together in a different city and have 2 cats. He was at home because of some work and, to be honest, he is not a fan of my sisters.
Anyway, my mother said that she wished I would leave Jack so I could find a real man and get pregnant. My sisters all agreed, and Emma said that my life is sad and that I will regret everything. It was just a moment, but I was annoyed. Every time we see each other, they bring up children, and I’m not normal for not wanting any on my own.
So I just went back to the kitchen, took the small cakes (I left the cupcakes in the fridge), went outside, threw them away, and left the birthday party.
My sister “Emma” saw how I left, ran after me, and when she saw what I did, she ran back inside to tell everyone.
I sent a message in the family group and told them I’m fine with my life. I love it. I have free time and money for vacations. I won’t come back until they respect my choice and I’m done baking, sending money for my nieces/nephews, and doing favors.
I did not see my nieces/nephews, and now they don’t have any cake. I love them and it’s not their fault, but I was really angry and now I regret that I threw away the small cakes. AITJ for throwing out the small cakes and leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for leaving, but you could have left the cake. It would have affected your nieces and been a waste of your effort. But I get how we can do things impulsively because of our actions. I think you should cut your fam out of your life if they do not respect your life choices and talk crap about your partner.
Good luck OP!” Gaiagaang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for leaving. Throwing away the cakes punished the child, though. That was kind of a jerk move although I understand. Stick to what makes you happy with regard to having kids. There’s no wrong or right; it’s just personal choice.
You can enjoy the niblings (nieces/nephews) and still enjoy going home to your own child-free life. Your family doesn’t have to understand; they just have to accept and respect your decision.” Nitehawke88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and do not let these village gossips get you down.
You have your life, they have theirs. You don’t criticize their choices—but why do they criticize yours? Because they’re crummy people. That’s why you should stop baking for their parties, babysitting, whatever, etc. Let them know how crummy they are by your reaction. As for the cakes, too bad, so sad for them and their party.
Let them know how you feel, or they are bullies getting away with their bullying.” RealbadtheBandit
