People Get Unfiltered In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Get A Life?
“My (26F) partner (24M) of almost two years has been out of a job for around a month now.
In addition to this, I recently went back to school full-time and have to wake up early for classes (6am). Every single night (and I mean every single night) he gets on to play video games with a couple of his friends. They play a very competitive game which needs communication from every player at all times.
They tend to be quite loud when they are playing, especially if they are on a losing streak (which tends to be most of the time). This has been going on for around 6 months, which was irritating at times because he doesn’t want to spend quality time with me during the night but was doable when we both were working full-time and he only played for a couple of hours at a time.
However, during the last two months, I have become increasingly upset as he tends to keep me up well into the AM when I have to get up for classes in the morning. I understand “getting into the game,” but when he’s yelling at the TV, it either makes it extremely hard to go to sleep or completely wakes me up.
I have talked to him about getting on earlier and getting off earlier, or just taking the night off when I have classes the next day. Now, mind you, this discussion has been acted out several times. The horse isn’t dead; it has been beat to oblivion.
Whenever I ask him to get off the game, he insists that he can be quiet when playing and apologizes and says “I was just getting into it.” And every time I walk back into the bedroom to sleep, he’s yelling at the TV 10 minutes later.
Last night, after him reassuring me that they would get off early since they got on earlier, he kept playing until it was nearly midnight. I had asked him to just keep it down since I didn’t have class today but still needed to wake up early because I have an exam tomorrow that I need to study for.
He kept yelling at the TV and I was fed up from the last two months and stormed out of the bedroom. I told him to “shut the freaking up and get a freaking life” in which his response was to accuse me of being rude and to tell me to stop being so mean.
I understand that it probably wasn’t the best thing to say (knowing that he’s been stressed out about being unemployed), but I was so fed up with everything and let my emotions get the best of me. We haven’t talked much today, but I am still so irritated to apologize.
AITJ for telling him to get a life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to go with everyone sucks, but you’re at a pretty understandable breaking point. What you said to him was mean, but also very attention grabbing. Hobbies are fine until they start disrupting and impeding other people.
If he can’t keep it quiet when playing, he simply shouldn’t be playing. It’s a completely fair ask. Also, this might be harsh and I might get downvoted for it, but if he’s so into the game that he can’t modulate with a modicum of volume control over his own voice, to the extent that he’s damaging his partner’s future employment prospects by disrupting their ability to succeed in school, he really does need to get a life, because he’s flushing his away like that.
It’s not about employment, because we don’t see his job seeking efforts, it’s about supporting a partner doing something positive for themselves, that will provide you both with increased financial stability in times where he faces unemployment.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself at this point.
This is a 24-year-old child you’re living with. Nothing wrong with gaming as an adult, but there are priorities in life and his are not where they should be, including his partner’s wellbeing. Myself, I would find other living arrangements until he gets his crap together, if not just so you can focus on your studies and sleep well.
If that doesn’t put a fire under his ass, it’s bye bye.” geekdeevah
Another User Comments:
“I swear there needs to be a support group for partners of gaming addicts. This is coming from a functional gaming addict. NTJ but at some point you have to come to a solution together, or you have to accept it, or you have to leave.
Continuing to repeat this pattern won’t get ya anywhere.” Sputnik918
18. AITJ For Letting My Friend Exploit Me On A NYC Trip?
“I (19F) and my best friend (19F) have both had it rough lately.
Her mom passed away and I lost my job. She recently started talking to someone that lives near New York. We impulsively went to New York City for a trip and to visit her partner. Because I lost my job, she offered to pay for the hotel and everything and I would just pay for my food, activities, and anything I wanted to buy.
We ended up going on this trip and staying in Times Square. She met her partner. It was all lovely until two days went by and it came time to extend our trip. We decided to extend for another two days. That time went by and then she wanted to stay longer.
I’m apprehensive because I just want to go home and see my partner and family and pets. However, I said, “Okay, because I know she was happy” and continued the trip. The day before we were set to leave, she mentioned adding up the costs of the hotel and splitting them, and in the moment, what else was I supposed to say other than “okay”?
We’re already there; what am I going to do, just leave?
The time came for us to leave and we were in a deli eating. She started adding everything up and now was including parking in the cost. The final cost split ended up being $735.
Mind you, I have $80 in my bank account and about $1,000 left in my savings to live off of until I get a job. I called my mom, frantic, in a deli bathroom (gross, mind you), bawling my eyes out. My mom is angry because she told my friend to her face that she was going to pay for the hotel and for me not to worry about it because I’ve been really stressed about money.
My friend then said she didn’t want to leave until I sent her the money and that we would sleep in the car if we had to. I told her I would get the money to her; I just couldn’t do it right now, and she said that she couldn’t trust that.
We’ve been best friends for a long time and you would think she’d understand where I’m coming from and take my word for it. My mom helped me and sent the money and we went home. After I sent her the money, she acted as if everything was fine.
I didn’t want to fight because we had a multiple-hour drive home, so I said nothing.
We got home and her partner’s mom invited us to come up for his sister’s sweet 16. She’s asking me about it and I don’t want to.
First, I don’t know them. Second, I have fibromyalgia and the stress from this trip and money put me into a flare-up. And obviously, I’m not mentally okay because worrying about money sucks. So now I’m home, my family is behind on bills because my mom had to shell out money for me to get her to take me home, and my dad has been super sick for a week so he hasn’t been working.
I am so stressed, and I know this flare-up is going to last a while because money does not grow on trees and the stress isn’t going anywhere.
I explained this to her and she told me not to expect to hear from her again and that everyone asks her why she’s still friends with me because I’m such a terrible friend, apparently.
So now I wonder, AITJ for just saying “okay” and not fighting for our friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop talking to her. One of two things will happen: she’ll actually stop talking to you (which would be a blessing) or she’ll blow up at you and try to get you to apologize and be under her heel again.
My guess is the latter. Don’t fall for it. You’ve done nothing wrong and she’s taking advantage of your kindness. If you keep her in your life, she will only keep putting you down and taking your money.” Ehgender
Another User Comments:
“So she lied to you and your mom, and then threatened you so you would pay up front for a trip she wanted to go on? Oh, and she literally waited till the last minute, after extending twice and with your belongings in her car so you would not go anywhere to ask you for the money?
And she threatened you (implying that she may stop being friends with you over this is a threat. I would be very curious to know who ‘everyone’ is, they probably don’t exist). I don’t know if this is the first time she lifted her mask or if there have been less dramatic signs before, but this person is a canful of toxic waste, and a manipulative jerk to boot.
Believe what you see, remove her from your life and move on. NTJ. Edit to say that it feels like she either planned this from the start or overspent and rather than explaining it and asking for help, used you as a cash cow.” Certain-Business-632
Another User Comments:
“You need to listen to your gut more. You felt unsettled to continue your stay; that, if anything, should’ve been a sign to set a boundary and tell her straight that you have overstayed your welcome in a place you agreed to settle for a few days.
Also, avoid impulsively made arrangements, which are normally never a good sign, and your best friend proved you right when it came time to pay. She was not transparent, manipulated the situation, and by any means was not being a friend in this moment. You aren’t the jerk.
She clearly feels liberated spreading a narrative that you are a bad friend for actions she caused. She’s describing herself to everyone else.” Candidly_Speaking_
17. AITJ For Not Buying A Round For Partner's Family Because Of Budget Concerns?
“AITJ for not wanting to volunteer to buy drinks for 8 (possibly more) people all at once? I don’t typically do rounds when I’m out drinking, but I always make sure to return the favor if someone were to buy me a drink. My partner’s sister’s 40th birthday is coming up, and his whole family will be there.
My partner knows that I don’t make as much as he or his family does, and I just can’t afford to spend £60 or more on a round in one go. I’m definitely getting the birthday girl a drink and a present for her milestone birthday, but I just can’t stretch my budget that far.
The issue is, my partner (29) has said it’s embarrassing that I’m not volunteering to get a round, even though he knows money is tighter for me. Money isn’t an issue for him or his family, but I have to be more careful with how I spend mine.
I don’t want to feel pressured into spending more than I can afford just to keep up with his family. I’ll always buy back drinks for anyone who buys me one, but I’m just uncomfortable with the idea of putting out that much money at once.
I messaged him about how I was feeling, trying to explain my perspective, and he responded with, “Imagine going to a 40th and not buying his family a round.” He then followed up saying that I can do what I want, and he won’t force me to do anything I don’t want to, but it still felt like he was implying I’m doing something wrong, like I should be able to afford it or that I’m letting him and his family down.
Now I feel like the jerk for not just going along with it, especially since I don’t make as much money as he does.
So, AITJ for not volunteering to buy a round when I know it would stretch my budget? Shouldn’t it be okay to just buy back those who get me a drink without feeling like I have to match everyone else’s spending?
I just want to be responsible with my money, but I don’t want to come across as rude or cheap, and I’m feeling really torn about the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To tell you the truth, it is far more embarrassing that an adult person as your partner disregards your careful finance handling.
Being reckless with money and waving off a tight budget as a reason to avoid spending money is a childish and infantile behavior. Good for you for standing up for your principles, and being honest to your partner, and boo for your partner for not considering what you told him as an adult, and using the “embarrassment” card to push you into paying for a round.
He is a jerk for both pushing you to pay when you clearly can’t and for not offering to pay you back (which would solve both the embarrassment and the financial burden).” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is unfair for your partner to expect you to honor a tradition you didn’t agree to.
If it’s that important to him, then he should give you the money to cover the round. No one has to know it came from him. He sounds like a jerk for expecting you to spend money he knows you don’t have (and not even offer to help) on some crap practice they have.
At least you knew ahead of time and he/they didn’t spring this on you at the event. Ask him for help paying for the round or stay home. His priorities sound askew.” Live-Pomegranate4840
16. AITJ For Using My Dutch Oven Lid Despite My Roommate's Religious Cooking Rules?
“I live in a three-person apartment, and around half a year ago, a new person moved in.
We got along just fine at the beginning. Everything was cool. What she told me from the start was that she is Muslim and, therefore, has certain rules about the food she eats. I had no problem with that. We cook separately anyway, so there wasn’t an issue.
Now, she’s relatively strict about these rules. She uses her own set of pots and pans when she cooks, and I stay away from them in case I accidentally do anything wrong. I don’t really know how far that rule extends, though, because we do use the same cutting boards, kitchen tools, or cutlery.
One day, I walked into the kitchen and saw that she was using the lid from my Dutch oven for her frying pan. Now, I don’t eat a lot of meat, but I do cook with wine relatively often. Like I said, it’s never been an issue; we use different pots.
She knows I cook with booze. So, when I saw her using that lid, I was confused for a moment. But then I thought back: we use the same utensils. She has probably seen me use this lid before. The size is perfect, so I use it for my frying pan quite often.
I clearly have no idea how far her dietary rules go, so I just shrug it off. A couple of weeks pass, and she uses the lid again and again. It is a little bit annoying because I still need it for myself, but that’s just what living with roommates is, so I don’t say anything.
Then, one night, I’m lucky. When I go into the kitchen, the lid is on the drying rack. I can use it. So, I do. I make myself some food and leave it simmering on the stove for a while. When I’m almost done, my roommate walks in and sees me cooking with my lid.
The next day, she has bought herself a new lid for her pan and asks me not to use it, because when I cook something with booze or pork, that means it is contaminated and she cannot use it anymore. I asked why she used mine for so long, then, since I had already been doing that since before she lived here.
And now, she is angry at me, saying I should have told her right away and that I’m not respecting her religion. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’ll get over it. Just let it go. You asked a perfectly reasonable question in response to something that probably felt like unfair, passive-aggressive blame, but when you ask a perfectly reasonable question of someone who is doing something out of religious custom (rather than convenience, a best guess, ‘the instructions say so’, etc.) there is always a good chance it will be taken as an attack, especially if it points out they might not have been following their own ritual properly.
It is not unique to a particular religion or even the concept of religion. People are just more defensive when it comes to whatever dogma they subscribe to.” thefanciestcat
Another User Comments:
“Does she expect you to follow her around all the time babysitting her to make sure she doesn’t break her own rules?
Literally, just asking if she could use your cookware would have prevented the whole thing, so she is kind of a jerk for that too. Borrowing someone’s stuff without asking and then complaining about it being ‘contaminated’ is obnoxious behavior. Like, man, just buy your own crap then.
You’re NTJ.” KnottyKitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reply to her: ‘If you have strict cooking rules, you shouldn’t take things that aren’t yours without asking (1) for permission and (2) if it satisfies your religious restrictions. I’m saying this as a person who does not eat meat and didn’t allow meat to be cooked in my home for almost my entire life.
As the person with a restriction, it’s MY job to ascertain whether I can eat/use something. If the other person happens to know and tells me, that’s nice; but it’s not their responsibility. As you said, you couldn’t discern what her criteria were (given that she shared cutting boards, etc.)'” swillshop
15. AITJ For Skipping My Ex-BIL's Wedding Because My Sister's Memory Is Being Replaced?
“My ex BIL (let’s say Tim) is 39 years old and was married to my sister for 4 years. Unfortunately, my sister passed 6 years ago in a car accident when she was 29. This left Tim and my niece alone. Tim has always treated me well, like his own brother, and has treated my parents well too.
It was messy at first because my family is from an immigrant background, and they were against my sister “marrying outside the culture,” but Tim won them over with the help of my sister and me, of course. This is just the background.
It’s been six years since my sister died, and I am not oblivious to Tim’s actions.
He did have some hookups/one-night stands here and there (I think maybe 3-4), especially during the time my niece was with my folks. But he never got into another relationship. But around 2022, 4 years after my sister, he got into a long-term relationship with another woman and introduced her to my folks and me.
We all liked her, and she seemed to treat my niece like her own. She either can’t or doesn’t want to have kids of her own, but likes kids in general. We were okay with her.
Now, he broke the news that he proposed and she said yes.
The wedding is scheduled for later this year/early next year. They won’t attend, though (they live overseas), but Tim is fully expecting me to attend, since he views me as not only his brother-in-law but also as one of his own brothers/friends. I am supposed to be a groomsman.
He had a booze use problem after my sister passed, and I got him into AA, got him out of it, and helped my parents take care of my niece while he got his life back together, so he thinks I am the reason he is a good father today and wants me there for him and my niece.
See, the thing is, the other day, Tim said my niece asked his fiance, who is a chef (sous-chef, I think), to come to her school for career day. He said it as an “awe” type of thing, but it didn’t quite sit right with me.
He has every right to move on after six years, and I am glad my niece likes this lady. But I can’t help but feel deep down that my sister is getting replaced. Tim is doing everything right: my niece doesn’t call her mom, Tim regularly makes her meet me and my parents, he has photos of my sister all in her bedroom and even around the house of just my sister (took down couples photos when his fi moved in), and his fiance is being super accommodating as well.
But I am just not sure why I feel this way, and I can’t handle it. My niece was 2 when my sister passed. When she grows up and thinks about a maternal figure, or even who “mom” was, she is going to think about Tim’s fiance (then wife).
It feels like my sister is getting phased out, which feels unfair because it’s not her fault she’s not here. WIBTJ if I make up an excuse and not go? I know it’s unfair to expect them to never move on, but I don’t know how to stop having that expectation, which is why I want to make a random excuse not to go and not unload all this onto him.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I can’t call you a jerk for going or not going because I can’t imagine the inner conflict you’re feeling, but maybe offer another perspective… This woman seems like the best possible scenario for ex BIL to marry. They don’t have your niece call her mom; they keep pictures of your sister all around your niece; they maintain a relationship with your family (an extra bonus is that she doesn’t want kids of her own, so your niece wouldn’t feel booted by a half sibling in the future, not that the fiance would be wrong for wanting more kids—that’s why I count it as a bonus).
I wouldn’t expect Tim to be alone forever, and I don’t know what else I could ask for in a partner for him to make my niece be happy and keep my sister’s memory alive. As difficult as it may be, I’d try to make every effort to go to the wedding and show support because not going isn’t something you can take back, and it shows them that you approve and accept her into your family too.” SPlNPlNS
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think it’s normal to have mixed feelings in your shoes. Surely, you appreciate that Tim is still on this earth and has to keep moving forward in life, and with that has come a relationship. At the same time, you still grieve your sister and how she was taken too soon, so seeing Tim and your niece move forward in their lives without your sister is hard.
If the wedding is too much for you, that’s understandable. Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own time. Be honest with Tim; tell him you support him and see that his partner is a solid role model for your niece and a loving partner for him, but you’re having a hard time accepting the reality that this is happening because your sister is not here, and for that reason, attending the wedding is still too difficult at this point.
I have a feeling Tim will get it.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I think you need to be prepared for the consequences – Tim could be upset at you not attending (especially if you can’t give a good reason), and it might mean that he and your niece end up having less contact with you.
That, in turn, would mean that you’re less likely to be able to share your memories of your sister with your niece. It’s okay and understandable that you’re feeling the way you do, but it’s worth talking about it – I think with both a therapist as well as talking to Tim.
I think you understand that his fiancée is a good person to have in their lives, and it’s understandable that it’s bittersweet thinking about the fiancée going to career day instead of your sister. That said, it’s also great that she’s wanting to go and your niece wants her there!
I think you need to process what you’re feeling and then have a talk with Tim – tell him what you’ve told us. It sounds like the announcement of their engagement is recent and you need some time to adjust – be open with him that you don’t disapprove but need to process it.
It might be that you being a groomsman would be too much for you, but with some time to get used to the idea you might be able to attend as a guest.” renderedren
14. AITJ For Withholding Inherited Wagon Keys From My Uncle Due To Pressure?
“I (24F) promised my uncle (56M) that I would look for the car keys to my father’s wagon, which is parked at grandma’s place, and give them to him when I found them. But now I no longer want to give him the keys after feeling pressured into giving them to him.
My dad (60M) suddenly died in December 2024. It was unexpected and really messy because a lot of things came to light in that month.
When it happened, my uncle acted supportive towards us, me and my mom (56F). When my dad passed away, Mom went to collect his things with my uncle, but on the ride from the hospital, he made a few disturbing comments.
He asked for financial support and even replayed a recorded conversation he had with my father before it happened. He was even skeptical about the timeline of things.
Just to clarify a few things:
– My mom and I paid the bills as Dad’s business didn’t make a lot of money for some time; even with our salaries combined, we barely got by and only bought groceries.
– My uncle’s business also suffered, so he closed it temporarily and stayed registered at an employment office while looking for a job and couldn’t find any.
– My grandma got into an accident in June and because my uncle is the only one living in a house that is only two stairsteps high and is right next to the road, he took grandma in and became her caregiver and takes support from the state.
– My dad looked after her place, and seeing the state she was living in, he took it upon himself to clean it.
Now, the main problem:
– While cleaning her place, he used his wagon to take away a large amount of trash from her place.
– After his death, everything that belonged to him is now in the inheritance proceeding; my mom and I are the inheritors, and I signed the papers to give her the right to manipulate, sell, and do anything with the property while the inheritance proceeding was still ongoing.
– My uncle asked me for grandma’s keys, under the pretense of taking care of grandma’s house, but after getting the main things related to her belongings and properties, he asked for the car keys to the wagon.
The wagon is in an inheritance proceeding, and he has no right to access it until the proceeding is closed and the properties are distributed between the inheritors (me and my mom).
After our last visit to his place, we noticed he made a subtle suggestion of replacing the lock on the wagon, reminding us to look for the keys.
The thing is, my dad was emotionally manipulating us at home, and I feel like my uncle is pressuring us under the pretense of taking care of grandma’s house and future help.
When I gave him the keys, he told me to come to him when I need something from grandma’s place, and he will give it to me; but now, when I need a gardening tool that Dad used to take care of grandma’s garden and left there, he refuses to give it to me until I give him the car keys from the wagon.
So AITJ for making fake promises to my uncle under the pretense of keeping peace in the family after feeling blackmailed by him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and immediately move the wagon somewhere (a rental garage, a friend’s garage) where Uncle cannot access it. Or he may try to keep it for himself, or at least use it and not take care of it or damage it.
If he will not give you access to what you need to do at grandma’s, tell him that ‘Okay, since you will not share her tools, you can do the work.’ Keep an eye on the place; if he leaves outside a mess, you can perhaps alert all your town, or his HOA, and they can fine and force him to do it.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“You’re incredibly foolish and naive for telling Uncle you’d give him the keys. His underhanded reasons notwithstanding, he could force your hand in a court of law if someone overheard you say you’d give him the keys. Get in the wagon and drive it to a secure environment, and then tell Uncle it’s part of the inheritance and there’s nothing you can do about it… THE END.
If it’s not specifically spoken for in your father’s will, property like this defaults to next of kin… your mother, his wife.” ConsitutionalHistory
Another User Comments:
“You cannot legally give him the car. If anything happens while he is driving it, your father’s estate will be held responsible.
Tell him the lawyer handling probate told you not to give anything to anyone. Ask the lawyer how you can go about retrieving your father’s property from your grandmother’s place. Is she rational? Ask her for the keys. Is she mobile? Ask her if she wants you to take her to pick up a few things she might need. Your uncle really has no right to deny you entrance to your grandmother’s house.” uTop-Artichoke5020
13. AITJ For Excluding A Lazy Group Member Despite Her Mental Health Struggles?
“I, 20F, am currently a second-year student at university. My course is very group-project based, and I’ve only had one solo project this year. Last semester, a girl in my class asked to work with me and my friends on a project because she wasn’t happy with her role in their group and really wanted to lead a project.
We had originally decided that I would lead this project, but we decided that I could do something else and she could lead.
Long story short, she did basically no work for this project, and I ended up leading anyway. For example, we had a presentation.
We each made between 20 and 30 slides for this presentation, and she made 1 slide, which we had to beg her to make, and she got a lot of the information wrong anyway.
Thankfully, the final result of the project is only 20% of our grade; the other 80% comes from how much work we put in.
So she will not get a good grade. The problem arrived last week. I have a small class once a week, which consists of only 4 people, all being from the last group project.
Since the last project, we have all distanced ourselves from this girl, as she was so useless during the project!
So none of us want anything to do with her anymore (she also just isn’t nice to be around; she makes every conversation about herself or is correcting someone on something that doesn’t need correcting! Or making a comment about someone’s appearance).
After class, our teacher pulled us aside and said that she is worried about this girl’s mental health and wanted us to include her in our conversations and such. We didn’t really say yes or no, but we decided collectively to put ourselves first. We were very nice to this girl and included her on our project, and she took complete advantage of that!
I even considered going back on medication for my own mental health while working on that project as the workload was so overwhelming! (I’ve had an anxiety disorder since I was a child, but I felt a bit depressed on the medication, so I stopped taking them and found other coping mechanisms.)
Please bear in mind that we are all in our 20s. So, WIBTJ if I didn’t include this girl during our classes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA Universities will argue that working with unmotivated freeloaders is a good life skill for when you hit the workplace.
EXCEPT – you’re being paid to put up with that (to an extent) at the workplace, at university YOU are the one paying. If she has mental health difficulties then she needs to sort herself out, and the lecturer / university authorities need to support her, not you.
You need to tell her that / tell her why she’s not being included, make it entirely about what she has not contributed, not about her personality, assumed MH issues or whatever. Standing your ground and not putting up with unreasonable crap is also a good life skill …” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“This happened to me several times at uni. If we were being graded separately for our own pre-determined parts, it was fine, but if we were being graded as a group, it definitely ended up sabotaging my overall grades for those units.
Your grades can affect your future career, especially if you wanted or needed to pursue further study like a masters degree, or if certain companies care about GPAs in applications. You gave this person a chance and they ruined it. You don’t have to play nice and include them – it’s not primary school – and they aren’t owed a passing grade from YOUR work just because the tutor is concerned about them.
It’s also not a reflection of how real life projects work – she would likely have been booted off the project by a manager if she pulled that crap in the workplace. NTJ” my_names_underhill
Another User Comments:
“This young lady is a classic example of a toxic personality.
You MUST cut her out of your life for good. It is outrageous that the lecturer wanted you, and others, to assume some responsibility for her. Her welfare has NOTHING to do with you. The most constructive thing you can do is to examine this young lady’s behaviour and spot the red flags you missed. Eg, that group didn’t want me so I want to be leader of your group (when your group already had a leader).
I would further advise you to Google “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”, then find YouTube videos about gaslighting and other manipulative behaviours. If you are looking for a motto for your family crest, a very good motto would be “NO”. Kindest regards and best wishes for you, your mental health, and your studies.
Gerald, Glasgow.” ActuaryOk356
12. AITJ For Snapping At A Lifelong Friend Who Ignored My Grief?
“I (20F) have been friends with this guy Brady (20 M) my entire life. Our families have known each other for decades. Throughout our time at school, we would casually hang out and, as the years went on, I hung out with him and his circle more and more.
Over this time, there have been several small things that have annoyed me—and our other friends—but I never put much value in it. Over the last two years, these occasions have been more and more frequent.
Recently, Brady has started to be blatantly rude to me and our mutual female friend.
Any time a girl makes a joke, he will shut us down, but if our male friend says the same thing, he will laugh his ass off. He has also made it VERY clear he wants to hook up with two of our male friends—so he will treat them 100 times better than any girl in our circle.
Honestly, he seems to look down on women and minorities; he says he’s allowed to make crude jokes about these groups because he’s gay.
A few months ago, my mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer. For five months, I took over everything in my house while my parents were in the hospital. Brady constantly harassed me about when I could hang out.
When I said I had too much going on, he simply said, “Well figure it out and tell us a day.” He never asked how I was doing or how my mother was. Right before Christmas, my mother ended up passing away. When I texted this group of friends saying she passed, all he texted me was “Oh yeah, I figured.” The next time I hung out with this group, he complained about how lousy his mom is the whole time.
His mother simply asked what he was doing and has never been abusive or rude to him. He doesn’t understand how much my mother dying has affected me and he hasn’t taken the time to simply ask how I am. He completely ignored what has happened, and if I mention it, he acts annoyed.
It has gotten very hard to be around him and not be rude. Recently, I have snapped at him multiple times due to small, weird comments he has made and he seems to think everyone is bullying him for no reason. By the way, my uncle killed himself when Brady and I were 15.
I found his dead body, and I am still very sensitive about jokes regarding that sensitive subject because of it. Brady knows this, yet anytime he gets mad, he will yell in my face, telling me to kill myself.
AITJ for snapping on him? Should I continue my friendship or let it die with my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ, and I’m so sorry about your mom. Brady is a misogynist, and a sociopath. He has no real empathy, he didn’t offer to help you when you were holding the household together, or offer you condolences. You DON’T need a friend like that.
He needs you more than you need him. I also know it’s easier to stay around someone who’s like this because they’re a fixture in your life. It’s continuity, and it’s familiar, but you’ve outgrown that jerk, and you deserve BETTER.” Srvntgrrl_789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Brady needs to go. You need to tell the group that you have had enough of him. If they want to continue hanging out with a toxic person like Brady, they can have him. You should go on your way, FAR AWAY from him.
This has nothing to do with the fact that he is gay; it has to do with the fact that he is a jerk. TBH, I doubt that the group will choose Brady and if they do, they are just as complicit. You don’t need that type of relationship.
A true friend doesn’t treat friends or others that way. Brady is full of it.” Emotional_Setting_74
11. AITJ For Doing My Dad's GF Nails When My Sister Called Me Disloyal?
“I 20F live with my parents and am the youngest of 6 siblings. Recently, my parents have decided to divorce due to my father’s being unfaithful. When my mother first told me, I was extremely distraught; I’d only known my parents to love one another, so this news and watching them argue and fight took a toll on me.
After my mom told me, I expressed how it wasn’t fair to her, but I was conflicted because I didn’t want to hate my dad. She told me I shouldn’t hate him because it wasn’t done to me and he is still my father (this is important).
On NYE, I had a psych emergency due to the stress of my home life as well as other things, and I became very depressed (I’m in therapy and doing better). Both of my parents would never actually admit it, but they were both trying to win me over; I was just doing what I could to make both of them aware that even though they don’t have each other, they have me.
My father asked me to do his partner’s birthday nails, and I agreed because I hadn’t really been showing much interest in him, and he felt that I was beginning to dislike him, which wasn’t true. He would even ask me sometimes if I hated him because of what was going on.
My mother would often tell me she felt like I was picking his side, which also wasn’t true, so it felt like no matter what they did, they thought I was picking sides. I had discussed with my mom that I was doing my dad’s partner’s nails so that it wasn’t a surprise; she expressed to me that she was hurt by it, but before I could even talk to her about it, my sister texted me, calling me disloyal, ungrateful, and heartless, and telling me I don’t care for my mother and that I have her messed up.
This began an argument between my mom and me because I felt completely attacked; I felt like she had sent my sister to chew me out because she was hurt.
After talking with my mom, I expressed to her that my sister doesn’t live here to see the whole picture.
No one is coming to her asking if she hates them or being told that people feel like she is being bought. Also, it hurt to be called both disloyal and ungrateful when I have been holding my mother’s secrets regarding the divorce. I’ve given her my dad’s location multiple times without him knowing.
I also ask for extra money for food because they wouldn’t even acknowledge one another if they weren’t arguing, so that both she and I could eat. I’ve also given my sister the last 20 bucks to my name to buy stuff for her home, like two weeks prior to this.
Now I’m ungrateful, disloyal, and heartless, and I honestly only did her nails for the money my dad paid me to, as I do nails as a side hustle (he said he felt that if he was going to pay for it, he’d rather it go to me than a stranger when he knows my work is good).
After my sister texted me, I responded and told her she doesn’t know all the facts, so I wouldn’t argue with her about the matter; then I blocked her on everything because she felt what she did was okay and I would just forgive her.
I’m making this post because she is still badmouthing me to my niece, and I feel it’s because we aren’t talking as much and she thinks I owe her an apology. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s unfair that you’ve been put in the middle, but I also get where your sister is coming from.
There’s a difference between keeping a relationship with your dad and doing nails (even for money) for the woman who helped break up their marriage. You don’t owe the partner anything. In the future, I’d tell your father to book her manicures elsewhere, and limit your contact with her to events where you’re present for your dad.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I didn’t really understand the story itself, but even if nothing’s going on, no divorce or anything, I sometimes speak with my sister less, so overall I think you’re not doing anything wrong because you’re in a tough situation. Sorry, I just can’t imagine what it’s like having divorced parents.
I’m sorry for your situation and you’re definitely not the jerk. Here’s some constructive criticism: When writing a lengthy post, separate the text into a few paragraphs/blocks of text. It will make the story much easier to parse.” Alpha97Industry
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I know I’m gunna get downvoted to heck, BUT doing the nails for the woman who helped break up their marriage when the wound is so fresh IS a pretty disloyal and heartless thing to do to your mom.
It’s pretty much a slap in the face to her and, to me, if I were your mom, it would seem like a pretty clear sign that you’re picking sides. No wonder she’s hurt and your sister is hurt for her as well.
I’d be fuming if I were your sister too. Although your sister should not have spoken to you like that, I get where she’s coming from. I grew up in a home where my dad was constantly being unfaithful to my mom and I was constantly put in the middle of it, but I never would’ve even entertained the idea of doing the nails for one of my dad’s side pieces…I had to go back and look at your age and was ready to give you some grace if you were a kid, but you’re 20 years old… YTJ for being obtuse about how your actions are harmful as well.” Frogsaresupreme8
10. AITJ For Making My Roommate Pay More After Throwing Out My Books?
“I have a roommate who pays me about 90% of half the rent—so if the total rent is $1,600, they contribute around $700. I cover the rest, along with water, gas, internet, and electricity, because I earn more than they do. When they first moved in, I felt sorry for them because they were leaving an abusive situation.
It’s been a little over a year since they moved into my guest room, and overall, it hasn’t been too bad. However, when they moved in, I had some of my belongings in the closet—primarily books. The room is fully furnished with my furniture, including a large bed that takes up a lot of space, a heavy bookshelf, and around 500 books stored in 5–6 boxes and two large bags.
I always intended to go through them, pick out my favorites, and donate or sell the rest, but due to my ADHD and object impermanence, I kept pushing it off. In the long run, I envisioned turning the room into a closet/library after they moved out since I prefer having my clothes visible rather than stored away.
Last year, I came home to find my bookshelf outside by the dumpsters. I immediately told my roommate to put it back in the room because they had no right to throw away my belongings. If they had asked, I would have found another place for it, but I was so frustrated that I insisted they return it to the room without offering an alternative solution.
Fast forward to now: I recently hired someone to help clean my apartment when work gets too busy. They offered to organize my cabinets, which reminded me to finally sort through my books—only to be told that my roommate had thrown them all away months ago.
Over 500 books—hardcover, paperback, large, small, books I had kept since middle school—just gone. They never asked, never mentioned feeling uncomfortable with them in the closet, never gave me a chance to move them. They simply decided to discard decades of my history without my permission.
I was so upset that I haven’t spoken to them in over a week. It’s not just about the books—it’s about the complete lack of respect for my things. My first instinct is to kick them out (Yes, I understand the legal complexities of tenancy and eviction), but instead, I’ve decided that I no longer want to cover the bulk of the bills.
I’ve drafted a document that evenly splits all household expenses, which will increase their contribution by at least $500. WIBTJ if I taped it to their door?
This isn’t the arrangement we originally agreed upon when they moved in, but at this point, I feel that if they can blatantly disrespect my belongings, they no longer deserve my generosity.”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ overall but there is room for debate on this. Your roommate accepted your terms initially complete with some of your possessions still in the room. While I can see where they wanted the room your books were occupying, in no way did they have the authority to dispose of your belongings.
Seems to me they have contributed adequately financially considering they didn’t even have a complete room to themselves. Personally, I wouldn’t want to continue to live with someone I could not trust and this, it appears, is what you have. You seem to indicate you are not the most organized or efficient person at home and this may be annoying your roommate, but that still does not justify their audacity in disposing of your belongings.
I suspect your roommate will not accept your changing the terms of your financial agreement. For this reason, I’d suggest you just ask them to find another place to stay. Then, if that doesn’t happen in a reasonable period of time, begin official eviction. Hopefully you are okay with covering 100% of your home expenses.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You told them you would get those things out of the room and you never did. I have ADHD, I understand your struggle there completely, but expecting someone to pay you nearly half the rent for a space filled with your things is ridiculous.
You didn’t hold up your end of the bargain. And while it would be fair for you to start charging them utilities with notice, it sucks to do it all of a sudden and as retaliation. However, there’s zero excuse for them throwing out your things and you have every right to be furious about that.
Bottom line: Neither of y’all are acting like adults and you both need to learn how to communicate, and probably stop living together regardless. I would never trust somebody who threw out my things to continue living in my home.” creakyforest
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You both suck. You had them paying almost half the rent for a room they don’t have full access too…You were still using it for storage. Which is wrong. They should have moved the books to some place inside the house, or told you that they needed the room.
In the end, these books have been gone for a year and you didn’t notice. You say that you are sad at the history that is lost, but you didn’t even know it was gone because you never checked in it. I say this as an avid reader who has a personal library.
Which I have lugged across the country several times.” LighthouseonSaturn
9. AITJ For Prioritizing My Mental Health Over Living With My Problematic Cousin?
“I (18f) moved away from my family in 2023 for my studies. I’ll be finished this year, and afterwards I am planning to stay here for studies.
The place I am renting is only for the duration of my studies. My cousin (f18) studies in a different place but wants to move here after studies. And my other cousin (m16) as well. So, this brought up an idea from my family: that two of my cousins could all move together into one apartment.
I refused for a couple of reasons.
1. My cousin (f18) is involved with a lot of boys despite her parents being against it. On one occasion, she sneaked out with her partner (now ex-partner) during an important family function. The whole extended family somehow blamed me for it, even though I tried to stop her from doing it and even defended her.
She also threw me under the bus, so even after years they still bring it up and blame me. Also, I was scolded right there and then. This really changed how I see my family, and that’s also one of the reasons I moved so far away even though I had the choice not to.
2. She again used my name to get out of meeting up with another partner. She wasn’t caught, but I felt really betrayed. In case she gets caught, I have no doubt that I will be blamed.
3. The family plays favorites with her. I have no problem with this, as my mom and dad love me a lot, but on some occasions it makes me sad.
I struggle with mental health already, and I think that it will make it worse.
I know that this is objectively a good, great idea even. It’s a lot better to share rent and live with people that I already know. We are still close despite what happened, but living with someone I know is way better than living with a stranger.
But I am putting all that aside just for my mental health, and it’s selfish of me. My mom and her mom and dad are both really adamant on this decision and called me ridiculous for not wanting to do it. My mom called me and said that it’s because I hate her, but I really don’t.
My dad also doesn’t want me to move in with her, because he knows how much that affected me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen to your dad. You know that anything she does wrong, you’ll be blamed for. Let her make her own mistakes without you around.
Also, it’s definitely not a good idea for you to live with the family favourite who can apparently do no wrong, while everything is supposedly your fault. Don’t do it, it’s a terrible idea.” No-Cranberry4396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need 1 through 3. You simply need to decide yes or no. That’s what adults do: they make a decision and don’t owe anyone justification.
Your mom is still playing favorites. She is trying to manipulate you into going along with what everyone else decided was in your cousin’s best interest. Yes, you are selfish. Everyone throws that word around like it is a bad thing. It can be, but advocating for yourself and your own best interest can be a good thing.
What your mom and cousin are doing is the bad side of selfishness. They expect you to give in to what they want. They throw the word selfish simply to manipulate you into capitulating to their demands. The difference here is that you are simply controlling your actions.
Your cousin can do what they want; you are just setting a boundary on how you will act. Your mom is trying to control your actions. That’s boundary breaching and unhealthy. That is when selfishness becomes a bad thing.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But in no reality does it make sense for YOU to move in with your cousin.
You are an adult. If you are paying your own rent and expenses, then stop listening to everyone else; they don’t get input on how you spend your money. If your parents are paying your rent, then you should sit and talk with them as an adult and find out if they still think you are to blame for your cousin’s decisions.
Remember, even if they didn’t blame you in those moments, other family members did, and they failed to defend and protect you. If they apologize for not protecting you or say they don’t blame you for your cousin’s decisions, then ask them if they would want to live with a liar every day.
Because that’s what they’re asking you to do. Ask them what is going to happen if they pay for your portion of the rent and she doesn’t pay? What happens if she damages the rental or is keeping substances or weapons there? Who do you think is going to get blamed?
You are WAY better off with strangers. At least with strangers, if something happens, you have a chance of your family siding with you. With your cousin, you’ll be blamed for everything. If you aren’t paying your own rent, you probably should figure out how to do that, at least for your mental health.” snowpixiemn
8. AITJ For Shaking My Head When I Tried To Ensure My Daughter Didn’t Miss Her School Day?
“Coming here because I have no one in my life I can trust with these questions.
I appreciate any advice. I struggle with my mental health hard, and sometimes I’m not entirely sure if what I said was wrong or not.
So, some back story: Today is “Bring Your Dad/guardian to School Day” (note this is going until 9:30 a.m.).
Our daughter (kindergartner) has been looking forward to it for weeks and has not stopped asking about it. This morning, he got to the school and realized he didn’t have his driver’s license because he had forgotten his wallet in the work truck.
He said he was going to wait at the house for the guys to drop off his wallet on the way to their route.
Since they had just gotten to the shop and probably wouldn’t leave for a solid 30 minutes or more, I asked, “If you could drive to the shop to pick it up and head to the school so you wouldn’t be too late and she wouldn’t miss it because she would be devastated.” He responded negatively because we didn’t have the gas for him to make it, which we did, and I told him this.
He was getting frustrated and disagreeing with every suggestion/response I gave. Without thinking, I shook my head in disappointment. He looked upset and asked if I really just shook my head at him. I said, “I don’t understand what the problem is; I’m giving solutions to the problem so she doesn’t get heartbroken.”
“You don’t think I’ve been thinking about her being heartbroken for the past 10 minutes?” After he made this comment, he walked out the door upset and left.
We’ve had arguments in the past, but never has one of us walked away from it like that.
He did end up going to get his license and is at the school now. But I can’t help but feel like I was in the wrong. I feel like I was advocating for her, but I also question myself constantly. If you made it this far, thank you for reading my words.
I’m really trying to work on my mental health, and I know that talking to people about things going on is a great way. I just don’t have anyone in my circle I trust enough for this not to get back to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He clearly has a guilty conscience, hence reacting so negatively to what I presume he interpreted as a gesture of disappointment, but I interpret your head shake as a gesture of disbelief. His responses to this situation don’t make sense, so reacting this way is entirely understandable.
I also don’t really get why he needed his driver’s license at the school. Would they not let him in without it even if his daughter confirmed he’s her dad? I keep scans of all my IDs and other important documents on my phone (well, securely in iCloud Drive) for this sort of eventuality.
I also second Right_Count’s request for clarification as to how and why he went home instead of either waiting at the school or just going to meet his colleagues.” Fean0r_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This seems like a normal, exhausted, and stressed out argument in a marriage.
When I was doing a marriage course with my husband, I learned about this thing called powerful apologies. Even if you don’t have bad intentions, you could have still hurt him. So it can be nice (even though you’re not technically wrong) to have an open conversation when you’re alone together.
You can ask about how he felt when you shook your head, and why he reacted the way he did. You can apologize for unintentionally communicating that to him, and share how much you love and respect him. Often in marriage, no one is technically “wrong” and no one has bad intentions, but we misunderstand each other’s messages and just need to communicate clearly about it.
I’m not a marriage counselor, but I just wanted to share a tip that has helped me a lot.” No_Raise4523
7. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Family To Avoid My Problematic Brother?
“Morning went well. We made breakfast and gave my dad the gifts we bought for him. We were talking about going to my biological mom’s house to take my dog for a walk in a nearby park, but this also meant we had to take my biological brother who was with her.
I thought maybe it would be better if I just stayed away to avoid causing any problems. My psychologist suggested this when I can’t stand being around him, but I think this only works when we’re at home; I can go to my room and nothing happens.
At the moment, I thought my only problem was that I couldn’t hide my emotions.
We went to the park, and I tried walking faster than them, but my dog slowed us down by stopping to do dog things, so they kept catching up to us.
After my dog finished her business, I tried again to distance myself from them, and so on. This led to the first wake-up call. My dad asked what was wrong, but I stayed silent because I knew he would be upset if I couldn’t be quiet for at least two hours, stop being childish, and pretend I don’t hate my brother so I won’t ruin everyone’s day.
When we arrived at the park, we went straight to have lunch. My dad gave me the second wake-up call, telling me to act like a normal 17-year-old and not like a 5-year-old. I went to a relatively close bench to eat, but my biological brother kept looking at me every second.
This annoyed me, so I moved to a spot where no one could see me. Third wake-up call: I still didn’t say a word.
After lunch, I took my little brother to the playground and then found a place away from where my parents and biological brother were sitting.
We were supposed to go to a nearby center for a walk afterward, but my dad had had enough, and we went back home. He was furious.
He said I was worse than my biological brother and mom (people with reduced mental abilities) because I know what’s wrong with me but don’t do anything about it.
He said I act like a 5-year-old and am ungrateful for all the help, things, and efforts they provide to ensure I have a peaceful life. He said that if I continued with this attitude, I would end up in a psychiatric facility, relying on pills to avoid being hysterical. He felt that I don’t seem to make any progress with my psychologist in this area.
He said that I don’t contribute at all in maintaining the peace in the family. He said that when situations like this occur, I take on the role of the victim, creating problems out of the blue and suffering for no reason. He said they want to find a solution, but I don’t help.
He thinks I want to change my biological brother, which is ridiculous; I just want to stay away. He added that I am strong enough to change my attitude, but I don’t control my emotions. I’m clever enough to recognize what’s wrong and find a solution, but I don’t do anything.
I didn’t say anything and stayed in my room for the rest of the day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in a very difficult situation: the “other” child of a family with a special needs child. Since everyone is focusing on your brother, your needs are probably being overlooked. In addition, you’re expected to be a “saint”, put your feelings aside and make the same types of sacrifice that your parents do for your brother’s sake.
This is NOT a reasonable thing to ask of a 17 year old. Your parents blew it, and you’d better forget about them ever changing. Your brother didn’t have a choice about how he behaves, but your parents did have a choice and they made a bad one.” ProcolHarumFan001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ based on the info provided. It sounds like maybe your brother has autism or something similar going on. And it’s fine to take breaks when you can’t stand his behavior, but you’re using this technique against him as a person instead of his behavior and that’s incredibly rude and hurtful.
I’d even call it weaponizing it given he’s not even allowed to look at you? You wouldn’t treat a stranger this way, so why are you treating your brother this way?” Electrical-Bat-7311
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Only for your specific question, not for disliking your brother as that’s your business.
Your brother is mentally disabled. You said you were there for your dad, but you couldn’t control yourself, and you basically did the passive aggressive thing of ‘I’m here but I hate brother so I’m hanging on the outskirts of the family while making it clear I’m hating this’.
Your dad gave you warnings and you kept going. Of course he’s upset. Not saying you are wrong to dislike people in your family, but either control yourself or don’t see them.” Lulubelle__007
6. AITJ For Pushing My Mom To Chase My Deadbeat Father's Child Support?
“For context, I’m eighteen years old.
I have just moved into college. I’ve lived with my mother and other female family members my entire life … not my father. I’ve never seen my father in person. Not once. He’s called, skyped, and face-timed me a couple of times, but we’ve never met.
At one point, he was able to get me to resent my mother for staying with her and for her not allowing me to see him. He told me many times that my mother was going to terminate me, lied about him, withheld me from seeing him, etc. When in reality, this was all false.
He actually had our address and contact information, despite visiting places that were only two to three hours away from where I lived.
Sometime down the line, I found out I had around eight other siblings, including one he just parented. I was shocked. I met with a few of my sisters, who at the time were all receiving child support payments (as told to my mother).
However, despite there being court-ordered child support payments for me … he never paid one. I never made my mother report him or anything because I genuinely didn’t want to see him go back to prison for it, given that he had been jailed for a few years before.
Still, he’s never ever financially contributed, and at times, things were hard.
Today, he called me basically saying that he was happy I was in college so that he never had to worry about sending me a dime, ever. He told me that I was eighteen and therefore not his problem, and that I should be happy he even gave me the time of day, as well as some other patronizing things.
I called my mother and basically told her everything and that I wanted to recollect every single payment (despite him possibly not having it and the fact he’s 90k in debt for child support for me). I know I’m in college now, but I still need to pay for that.
She told me she’d go through with it, and now I’m conflicted that he might go back to prison or be angry at me.”
Another User Comments:
“If it’s Court Ordered CS (and, I’m assuming it is since you mentioned arrears), then by all means, have your Mom contact the Attorney General and file.
(If you know where he works/SS#/Current Address… that helps speed things up). His paycheck can be garnished and, if he is due a tax refund, the IRS can flag that and your Mom would get the refund (minus his wife’s share of the refund, if married and filed together, and she filed an Injured Spouse form).
This money will go to your Mom. It’s up to her if she gives it all, or any part to you. (My EX was in arrears by $25k+, and any money was put on a Debit Visa card. I gave my then 20yo the card.
I didn’t need the money.) Also, he may not even go to jail. In my case, as long as my Ex was ‘making an effort to pay’ (even $25 a week), he wasn’t going to jail.” pinkflamingo-lj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I really feel for you, OP – where I’m from, dependent minors are sort of added to the passport of one of the parents and can’t leave the country without them.
I was added to my father’s, which meant that when my mom finally divorced him and wanted to move to a different country, she couldn’t take me with her without his permission. He then used me as a bargaining chip, only letting me go with her when she ensured he legally wouldn’t have to pay child support.
If there was a way to recollect in my situation, I would, without a doubt. So what if he goes to prison? That’s on him for breaking the law.” ScrambledGrapes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s your money. It was never your mother’s to decline or accept; it was always yours.
There’s an excellent reason that most states in the US (if not all of them) have laws that say that delinquent child support can never be discharged in bankruptcy and can never expire. I’d report him, even if he weren’t a neglectful, patronizing jerk. You’re also doing yourself a favor because things like this can come around to bite you in the ass if you don’t go after them.
Some states, if you receive state benefits, will initiate collection proceedings against him automatically if they determine that you wouldn’t be entitled to those state benefits if he had coughed up what he owed you. In other words, you could be drawn into a lawsuit anyway, because a lot of states don’t like it when the taxpayers are functionally footing the bill for a deadbeat parent.
Basically, it might happen with or without your consent anyway, and then you would be deprived of benefits in the interim, really screwing you over. In the strongest terms, screw that deadbeat jerk, go get your bag. It might not make up for the childhood neglect, but it sure helps.” beanfiddler
5. AITJ For Not Changing My Baby's Disney Princess Inspired Name Because My Cousin Reserved It?
“I (F26) had my first child who is a girl and named her a variation of a Disney princess name. I had announced the name when we found out the gender because my partner and I chose two names for either boy or girl. Well, after the baby shower, my cousin (F27) called me and told me that the name I wanted to give my baby was the name she had reserved for when she had a girl and wanted me to change it.
A little background information: She has two boys and has said in front of a few family members, my partner and her oldest son, that she wishes she would never have had kids. I found it weird that she would even plan to have any more, but she was always upset because she wanted a girl and was mad she only had boys.
I told her, “Well, we already had our name picked out because we combined two names and were not going to change it.” She then started to get upset, saying she already had the name picked out first because it’s close to the name of the Disney princess she’s obsessed with, and I let her know, “Well, if you ever have a girl, you can give her the same name and change the spelling; I wouldn’t mind.” She said that’s weird that I should just consider changing my baby’s name, and I said I would reconsider because I was starting to have doubts about the name at eight months pregnant.
Well, my baby was born and I loved the name and decided to keep it. She has gone above and beyond to talk so much crap about my baby, even accusing me of receiving the wrong baby because my daughter was born very fair-skinned with colored eyes.
Even her stepdaughter (18) and her mother/my aunt (63) joined in and told me that it’s not my baby—that they gave me a white person’s baby. I could go on and on about things she and her mom have said or done. But AITJ for not just changing the name and avoiding this whole situation for my daughter’s sake?
I would hate for her to ever feel picked on as she gets older because of these family members.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t gatekeep a name. Even if the cousin’s kid had the name already you’d be fine to call your daughter whatever it is.
I just hope this ‘variation on a Disney princess name’ is sensible enough that she will be taken seriously as an adult as well as a toddler.” BenynRudh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Repeat after me, names cannot be reserved, and multiple people can have the same name, as long as they’re not siblings.
We’re not weird like George Foreman. Two of my cousins have sons born within months of each other that have the same name, which is also the name of our eldest uncle. Another cousin has a son with the same name as me. In fact, I have four cousins who share names with cousins’ children.” lostrandomdude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I find it baffling she’s not even pregnant, doesn’t seem to know for sure if she will be pregnant again, and obviously doesn’t know what gender her baby would be if she did end up pregnant again, and she expects you to change what you’re doing.
Lol.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Asking If My Abusive Dad Is Dead?
“I (24F) and my mom (54F) have been living together since I was born.
All my childhood memories are of her being there for me when I broke my hand or with anything I did. But I haven’t talked with my dad (55M) since before their divorce was finalized. I was 17/18 at the time when things got complicated and he started to call me “It.” I got tired of hearing him speak, but he went too far when he charged like a bull at my mom.
I got between them, called the cops, and shouted, “Don’t touch her, or I will make your life miserable.”
After all this happened, I never spoke to him. He moved out, but he still lives close by. I saw him a couple of times on the street, but I never stopped—I just walked away.
He never tried to talk to or approach me, or even sent a letter or anything with an apology for what he did. And I know he has bad health. I have a brother who has lived on his own (since I was 14), so he still has contact with “dad,” but I never call him dad or father when speaking of him; I always ask … Who?
I erased him from my life, but the only thing I want is my two days’ paid leave from work when he dies. That’s all I want—not his money, house, or anything. So each time somebody says something about “my father,” I answer, “He’s dead?” And all family and friends know how abusive he was to me, so they are not concerned or confused about why I ask that.
But recently, after he had a heart attack, I used my usual approach of saying, “He’s dead?” And my grandmother (on my mom’s side) and my brother said I am jerk for asking that. So AITJ for wanting my “enemy” dead? Or is it just because he was actually hurt at the time and got overwhelmed by my question?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think most people will say you are. I also had a jerk for a father and have wished jerk on him before (only very recently had this conversation with a sibling). He’s currently abusing wife number three and also putting my half sibling at risk in a disturbing way reminiscent of my own childhood.
So I get it. A lot of people won’t understand, though, and they should count themselves lucky they don’t have a parent who inspires these feelings.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know exactly where you’re coming from. My dad is unfortunately still alive and walking free.
All my cousins knew what he put us through, but at the time none of it was reported, so it’s my word against his. I doubt I’d have much of a case, and frankly, at this time decades later, it’s not worth the trouble.
But I’ll be so, so happy to hear the news that he’s dead. No inheritance needed. Just the knowledge that I won’t need to look over my shoulder is a gift. Two days’ paid bereavement leave is a cherry on top.” WhackAMoleWings
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I get it, I really do; however, this is not healthy for you. It sounds as though you’re stuck in the mode of hating your father; however, the best state for you to be in is ‘indifferent.’ If he were to die now, you’d waste emotion on him; if he died once you’d reached indifference, you’d waste no emotion—you literally wouldn’t care, and that is such a good place to be.
You haven’t erased him because you’re still asking. In fact, it sounds as though you’re obsessing over him. If you’re able to, therapy will help. However, as badly as you feel he’s treated you, and as much as you dislike him, there are people out there who do love him and care for him, and it is disrespectful to them to keep asking that.” simply_clare
3. AITJ For Missing Our Anniversary Because Of Work And Then Kicking Him Out?
“I (28M) am a surgical resident in my second year. My one-year anniversary with my partner (29M) was a few days ago. Unfortunately, I was unable to get time off from my schedule at work (even though I tried a few weeks in advance). I told my partner this, and at the time, he said it was okay.
However, on the actual day, he ended up continuously texting and later calling me, asking if I could leave work early. I repeatedly told him no, and eventually resorted to turning my phone off.
When I finally got home from work in the late evening, I found him waiting for me in the living room, with the gift that I had gotten him deliberately placed in the trash, along with the note I had written and flowers.
Initially, I was going to apologize to him and suggest that we order dinner and have an informal anniversary dinner with some sushi and wine, but I got pretty upset at the sight of that and ended up breaking down in tears.
We ended up having a huge fight.
He brought up how I’ve repeatedly missed important dates (like both of our birthdays, his sister’s graduation, and Christmas) because of my work, and that he can’t take it anymore. I told him that he knew what he was getting into and that my missing important dates wouldn’t change anytime soon.
I also called him whiny and entitled and said that he knew that I would have to work and what work looks like for me. After about an hour of us screaming at each other, I told him to get out of the apartment and sleep at his parents’ place tonight (they live close by).
He told me I was a jerk for kicking him out of his place and to screw off.
I pretty much went straight to bed, and we haven’t spoken since. He’s also not returned home.
I feel bad for letting the situation escalate.
I’ve messaged him that I’m sorry and that he should come back home, but he hasn’t responded. I feel awful, and I regret what I did, but at the same time, I feel like he was wrong to start a fight in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“Break up. Given all that you’ve accomplished, you probably don’t want to hear this, but you’re both young as heck and you’re clearly in a situation that you’re both not prepared to deal with. You’re basically NTJ because you’re right, you’re a resident and that rules your schedule right now.
If your partner was more mature about this, he would understand, but he’s not. If you were mature enough to handle this situation, you wouldn’t have gotten so irrationally emotional, and you would have recognized that things are fundamentally flawed. Neither of you are prepared for this relationship at this stage in your life.
Stop trying to get him back. End it.” G1Gestalt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a resident & have a future career lined up that could eventually lead to more flexibility. However, you don’t have the luxury of flexibility right now. He should be understanding of this, especially as he “signed up” for it.
My suggestion would be for big “days”, you should deliberately plan for a time when you are both free and celebrate then. After all, it’s less celebrating the “day” and more celebrating the both of you.” elsteve193
2. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Dad After Defending My Mom?
“I (17F) am currently not on speaking terms with my dad. For three months already. It started on my birthday, when I turned 17. I was going grocery shopping with my dad, something I used to do a lot when I was a kid.
We were literally just around the corner from our house when he started complaining about my mother. Nitpicking is a better word since none of his complaints could be classified as valid. I agree that my mum isn’t a saint, but she for sure isn’t a witch either.
I defended my mum and I ended up arguing with my dad. I said that he should do some self-reflecting instead of always putting the blame on someone else. He called me “my mum’s puppet” and said I couldn’t think for myself. Big ouch.
The rest of the ride (and the shopping) was in silence. I knew what was coming: a few weeks of silent treatment. To be fair, it’s a mutual thing. It’s an unspoken rule that after I argue with my dad, we ignore each other for a bit.
If it’s for a couple of days, I usually don’t mind because then he leaves me alone for a bit and I can mentally take a break from him.
This time, however, I was really mad that he ruined my birthday for me by complaining about his freaking wife.
Not to mention that he insulted me. For the rest of the day, I had to look at his “angry” face, which really angered me. Fast forward: three months later, we still don’t talk to each other. My mum is trying to meddle because this time it’s a long silent treatment.
For example, she is putting the bread on his side during dinner so I have to ask HIM for it, etc. But we both aren’t crumbling. Now he is casually and indirectly dropping hints that I should apologize to him. I straight up told him that I wouldn’t apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong and that he is a jerk for doing this stuff.
Family now thinks I lack respect. I think that respect goes both ways. So AITJ or am I just a spoiled brat haha?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Man, did this take me back to my own childhood. As a fellow redditor pointed out, the silent treatment is a form of mistreatment.
You’re barely 17 and it’ll be heck to unlearn these behaviors. Though I pride myself on your three-month-long battle. I used to crack and would handwrite letters for her to just pretend it never happened. Don’t know if I ever heard my mom apologize until my almost mid-20s.
It takes a parent to realize their child is an ‘adult’ before they’ll respect their opinion. Wild that you don’t usually have an opinion for them until you’re on your own, preferring to struggle just to get away from them. Blessed be, hon.” Randogal13
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ! I know you are afraid that you are sounding stubborn, but sometimes you need to be when it’s something that you truly believe in. You know what is right and you do not want your mom to be bullied by anybody, and I think it is so amazing of you to stand up for her like this even if it has caused this treatment from your dad.
You were right to be the one not to apologize because you have nothing to apologize for. Your dad was the one who did not stick up for his wife. If you really want to reconcile with him, maybe have a sit-down conversation and talk to him about his relationship with his mom and why he lets these types of comments be said without standing up for her.
And if that doesn’t work, maybe you can even have a sit-down with your grandma and ask her why she says all of these things about your mom, because even if they have a strained relationship, that is still your mom and if these comments are upsetting her and the people around her, then she needs to understand that she needs to keep her comments to herself because you should not be disrespecting anybody’s mom without proper cause.
Also, what does your mom think about this? Maybe you can talk to her about what’s been going on and why your dad won’t see what’s happening. I know this is super long, but I hope it helps!” Jdramafan8236
1. AITJ For Requesting My Mother Walk Instead Of Using Her Wheelchair At My Wedding?
“She is selfish. Things are always about her, and if they aren’t, she won’t pay attention to them. We’ve had full conversations about things in her presence, and since they weren’t about her, she didn’t pay attention.
If we bring it up later, she will play the victim and say she didn’t hear that story, or that information, etc.
She broke her first bone in her right foot during the public health crisis. She was in the hospital. Then, she went to a couple of care homes because she couldn’t care for herself, as the home she lives in is only a one-bedroom place.
I have a full-time job and cannot dedicate all the time she needs to be watched and cared for. Now, we did visit her as much as possible. During the public health crisis, it was limited times and the number of people she could have per day and in the room was restricted. We would call every day.
Her being in a care facility caused her to run out of money. (She’s been retired for years now and had stocks and her retirement fund. She still gets the retirement fund monthly.)
Her stocks ran dry.
My father was found (by me and my now fiance) deceased (on his upstairs bathroom floor) from a heart attack in 2019.
She took it about as hard as I expected. I had to deal with that. I sold the condo he had. Now I’m using that money to pay for her monthly rent, along with bills that come up that I can’t cover. (Her bills and ours.) I had planned on using some of that money for the wedding.
My fiance has noticed her behavior and calls her on it when she acts like a baby. Since her broken bone, she has been wheelchair-bound, by her own laziness. She claims her knees are bone-on-bone and is afraid to have the surgery. But she also is highly overweight and won’t do anything to change it.
My fiancée’s mom is having her second knee replacement surgery soon. The only issues she’s had are slight tightness in the leg above the new knee. But she is in a much healthier size and situation than my mother.
Onto the issue: My fiance is concerned that at our wedding, my mother will still be in the wheelchair (even though she is capable of walking short distances and using one of the two walkers she has) and make herself the center of attention.
He doesn’t want her to take the attention from me. I don’t like attention, but for this I can understand where he’s coming from. He wants to require for her to be out of the wheelchair for the ceremony. She can sit in one of the many comfy chairs that will be provided. I am in agreement with him.
But I’ve also brought it up to her in passing, and she said, “Well then, I guess I won’t be going.” Just wow. Idk what to do.
Am I the jerk for not wanting my mother to upstage me at our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being ableist. If she feels she needs the wheelchair, then she should be able to use it. And I guarantee an unwell old woman in a wheelchair is not going to upstage a bride. And there’s no reason others should have to spend the night looking after your mother.
If your mother needs support during the wedding, give her a plus on so that she can hire and bring a carer for the night. This is how we will be supporting a disabled loved one during an upcoming wedding” Emergency_Cherry_914
Another User Comments:
“In the end, yeah YTJ if you decide that you’d be “upstaged” by your mom using a wheelchair at the wedding. You and your fiancé have had a front row seat to some of the ways her life has changed in the past five years, and it sounds like there’s a lot of ways you see her choices contributing to her situation.
That may well be so, but at this point she uses a wheelchair and has been a wheelchair user for years. People in your circle are most likely aware that she uses a wheelchair, right? Even if she chats to people about her bone-on-bone knees all evening, or some of them see her in her wheelchair for the first time, it’s not going to be a massive surprise to people.
As people age, many of us lose mobility and end up using mobility devices. The sight of an older person in a wheelchair is generally not a shock. So. Without all the backstory, judgment calls and years of annoyance with her. What this sounds like and what it’s going to look like is that yall are banning her from the wedding because you think that her showing up with the mobility device she has used for years could pull focus from you as the bride.
You can choose to not invite her. Making the wheelchair the red line, however, is totally unreasonable. “I didn’t get invited to my daughters wedding because I can’t lose weight while I have mobility challenges and get over my fear of knee replacement surgery in time for her wedding” is not a story everyone is going to want to hear the other side of.
I have to warn you that sometimes a person’s absence can pull a lot more focus than their presence.” loseit_throwit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was with you until you and your fiancé specifically targeted her mobility devices. If this was just simply about making sure your narcissist parent behaved at your wedding, it would be a different story.
But you both went after the wheelchair, claiming just having the wheelchair would take attention away from you. For that, you’re both ableist jerks. My wife’s best friend was 9mo pregnant with an 11# baby at our wedding. Girl was ready to pop, and we even told her that if she couldn’t come, we’d completely understand.
She told us in so many words that unless her water broke, she was going to be there for her best friend’s wedding. Did people comment on her belly? Of course they did. Did we care? Freak no.” R4eth
