People Make Unconventional Choices In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Sister That Her Friend Said Her Time Off Was A Disadvantage?
“I (22F), my sister “Ainsley” (24F), and her good friend let’s call him “Adam” (29M), were all getting interviewed for a promotion at work. I ran into Adam on the weekend, and he told me that either I or another person we work with would be most likely to get the promotion and that Ainsley shouldn’t be considered because she has had to take 1 or 2 days off in the last month for her child.
I told Ainsley what Adam said, and now Adam’s making me feel like I’m the jerk. I’m confused because why is the other guy likely to get the promotion even though he’s taken the same amount of days off for his kid?
He sent me a huge message that was like a breakup text for our friendship, saying I’ve lost a good friend and it was all my own doing.
Adam is hurt, which I understand, but AITJ for telling Ainsley what he said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he is mad at you for repeating what he said, it means he knows it was wrong to say it. Also, she is your sister, don’t let someone get between you and her.” Cheezemerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was way out of line saying that. But I don’t understand the bit where you say ‘the other guy’ has ‘taken the same amount of days for his kid’ – is this Adam? Not very clear.” wanderleywagon5678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. First of all, you don’t mention that Adam said not to tell your sister. Also, words don’t get repeated if you don’t say them, so that’s on him. And to her sister, no one else. Adam sounds like a very stupid person, to be honest. I don’t even understand why it’s such a huge deal. It’s not like he was thinking she didn’t deserve the promotion; he was just stating some facts he learned, so it wasn’t even a bad thing about her he was saying.
I don’t understand all the drama he created. Are you sure he is 29?” Darth_Hufflepuff
21. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up Footprints Past Closing?
“I work part-time at my local gym as a receptionist and was doing my normal closing procedures when this couple came in 20 minutes before closing to train. I hadn’t realized until maybe 15/10 minutes before we closed that they had dragged dusty footprints in from outside, as there are roadworks being done.
I knew I wouldn’t have time to mop the floor again, as I still had to finish the rest of the closing tasks (which took me until past close to finish), so I messaged the person opening the next day to explain. They were rude to me, so I explained that I won’t work for free.
They then snitched on me, and I got yelled at by my boss, and now I am having a meeting next week. I was told previously that if I can’t finish anything, message the person opening so they know I advanced. I might get fired for it, but I don’t believe I was being unreasonable.
This place is pretty lenient with what we do on shift and it’s a relatively easy job, but I still don’t think it’s fair to yell at me for wanting to be paid past closing? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your boss sounds like a real jerk.
You can’t start clean-up at closing time, so the situation described was unavoidable. Your morning shift co-worker should have just shut up and mopped the floor again, early in the morning. You should be really irate right now at both your morning shift guy and your boss, unless they will pay you an extra hour to do that…” DistrictEquivalent79
Another User Comments:
“Lots of gyms don’t have clock-in and out systems, most employees get a contract stating how many hours a week they will get paid for and anything after this is not paid. This I know from my son who worked as a receptionist at a gym.
He, fortunately, had a manager who went by the rule of ‘if you have the basics done, equipment put away, shower/toilets cleaned, the rest can be left for the morning staff as the first 2 hours are generally quiet.’ So OP NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ to insist on actually being paid for your work! ‘Casual’ workplaces are notorious for expecting workers to do unpaid work, because ‘this is such a fun, cool place to work’ etc. You followed the instructions you were given, and if you give in this time they will just take and take and take.” thekellysong
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My MIL Called Late At Night?
“It’s already 11 pm….. and we (my husband is busy with his phone and I was already asleep) were sleeping. Suddenly, my MIL called. She just told me to get some water for my husband. And I am literally shocked by this.
She always says that I need to make him lose weight.
My thought on this is just… for doing anything in your life, it should come from within yourself.
And I don’t know if I am overthinking this.
I know this is very normal in India, but is this acceptable??
As I told you, this is just a minute example.
So I need to know AITJ!!!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no respect for you, and if your partner doesn’t stop this nonsense, it shows that he has no respect for you or your relationship either. To her, you are there only to serve him; your interests are not important.
Speak to your partner. He needs to get his mother to behave herself or go low contact so as not to inflict his mother upon you.” herefromthere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MILs have been traditionally more involved in India; that is probably true. But you’re not any less Indian than your MIL.
You’re an adult and you feel uncomfortable with her actions, so I would say your expertise is good enough to decide what is appropriate in your culture or not. Next time, you can tell her in a polite way that you prefer treating your husband like an adult and her comments aren’t going to change that.
It’s also not unreasonable to tell her that you don’t want her to call you this late. Not disturbing people in their sleep, unless it’s an emergency, really is a basic form of politeness that she needs to follow.” Zeiserl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but not a great diplomat either.
One wonders if you bothered to even mention that your husband was already asleep. It also sounds like your MIL comes from a culture where men are considered helpless and their wives are expected to wait on them hand and foot. You can’t change her attitude, but you do need to tell your husband to have a word with her.” DplusLplusKplusM
19. AITJ For Questioning Why My Wife Drove Under The Influence?
“My wife was out for the day. She was hanging out with a friend and had a few drinks.
When she came home, she immediately claimed to be tipsy. This was concerning because she drove home.
After about ten minutes, I calmly asked her about it.
She became very defensive and started shouting things like “I just misspoke” and “I’ll take a test right now” and “I guess I just shouldn’t go out and have fun with my friends.”
Initially, I didn’t really consider she may have done this. It wasn’t until she got so defensive that I was really concerned. I wasn’t trying to shame her or anything.
She’s my favorite person in the world and my best friend. I was just worried about what she said.
She has accused me of attacking her. Am I the jerk for confronting what I saw as a red flag?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you could have used better timing.
It was a discussion that shouldn’t have taken place while she was (presumably) still tipsy. We all know intoxicated people tend to be overly emotional and utterly lack judgment. But it’s an important thing to talk to her about when she is stone-cold sober. Express to her you are worried for her sake (let alone others who have to share the road with her).
It’ll be tough but try not to use judgmental language. If you do get her to admit to it, help her see that either calling you to give her a ride or using Uber to get home is a far preferable way to end the evening.” Much-Leek-420
Another User Comments:
“If you have more than one drink in a sitting, the wise thing is to have someone drive you home. Yes, it seems extreme. Many people are perfectly capable after having 2 or 3 drinks. But the law is the law. And I can’t speak to other countries, but in the US, in many states, you’re over the limit at .08.
If I remember correctly, it’s .06 in some places. That’s one drink sometimes. Basically saying it’s a zero-tolerance thing if you get busted. It’s not worth the hope and the guessing in the age of ride-share apps. Much better to be safe than sorry.
Honestly, if there are going to be strict laws against drinking and driving, I wish they’d just make booze detection systems mandatory for all cars. It’s either enough of a problem to be an arrestable offense even if you’re driving correctly but technically over the limit or it’s just an excuse to needlessly ruin people’s lives.
I vote for breathalyzers for all. Many “professionals” drive over the arbitrary limit all the time. Let’s make it fair. If the goal is safer streets, that seems like the easiest way to mandate not drinking and driving. (Doesn’t help for substances or distracted driving, though.)” Aviendha13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She raised the issue. You followed up on it with a question. Women socializing with each other while drinking a glass (or two) of wine is so common that it is practically a cliché. The purpose is to talk and to strengthen friendships — not to have a drinking party.
Depending upon a series of factors (what type of booze she drank, the amount she drank, whether she had food while drinking, the period of time over which she drank, height/weight, etc.), she may or may not have been incapacitated and/or unsafe to drive.
You stated driving while tipsy was a red flag, so I assume she doesn’t go out drinking with friends very often. Assuming that she normally is a responsible (non-)drinker, give her a day or so to think about her actions, and then talk about how she can get home when she has been drinking.
The most obvious option when there isn’t a designated driver is to take a cab or Uber home. But you should also offer to pick her up if an Uber isn’t available or if she feels safer with you. Alternately, you could encourage her to host the events at your place so driving isn’t necessary.” webshiva
18. AITJ For Refusing To See My Grandfather On His Deathbed?
“My grandpa recently passed away, and before he died, he asked to see me one last time. I didn’t go.
To outsiders, my grandpa was a self-made multimillionaire, a hard worker who farmed, drove a bus for 59 years, and mowed lawns. He was respected in the community, but behind closed doors, it was a different story.
My dad and his siblings were raised in an environment where success was expected, not celebrated. No “I love you,” no hugs, no recognition. My dad spent his life chasing approval that never came, which led to drinking and a failed marriage. By the time I was born, we were already the black sheep of the family.
When my parents divorced, my grandpa used his money to make sure I stayed with my dad. For the first decade of my life, he was there for me. I thought he had my best interests at heart. But that changed when I got older.
When I was in my early teens, my dad and I had to move. We were going to settle on a trailer, but my grandpa refused—”No one in our family is going to live in a trailer.” Instead, he bought a house for us.
But that house wasn’t a gift. It was control.
For seven years, if we were late on rent, he’d threaten to kick us out. One month, we were struggling, and I told him that if we paid rent, we wouldn’t have food or gas for two weeks.
His response? “If you can’t pay me, how am I supposed to eat for the next two weeks?” A multimillionaire, telling two struggling people that our late rent would keep him from eating.
And it wasn’t just money.
I love animals, especially cats.
Every time I got one, it would disappear. Eventually, I found out he would take them while we were gone and “drop them off in the country.” At least, that’s what he claimed. This only stopped when laws changed. When he came for my cats—ones I had for 10 years—I told him, “They’re neutered, declawed, and protected by law.
If you take them, I’ll file a report.” He never touched them again.
Then my dad died. Two years ago, my grandpa brought me to his grave. I tried to hug him. He stepped away. That was when I knew—the love my dad had spent his whole life chasing was never there.
It never would be.
Years passed, and then my grandpa was on his deathbed. He asked to see me one last time.
And I didn’t go.
Maybe I should have. Maybe, despite everything, I owed him that.
But after a lifetime of watching my dad break himself trying to earn the love that was never given, after years of being reminded that everything my grandpa did for us came with a cost, I couldn’t do it.
I just… couldn’t.
And now? He’s gone, and I have to live with that decision.
I don’t know if I was justified or if I let my resentment get the best of me. I don’t know if I should have swallowed my pride and gone, or if walking away was the only way to break the cycle.”
Another User Comments:
“The most likely scenario is that he saw this as one last opportunity to exert control over your actions. Even if his motives were good and he genuinely believed that his control was for your own good, that is not a reason for his desire to dictate your actions.
But let’s make the most generous assumption we can: let’s assume that—upon facing his own mortality—he finally had clarity over his actions and realized the monumental ways he hurt you and negatively impacted your life. Let us further assume that this clarity made him genuinely remorseful: with absolutely no ulterior motives, he just wanted an opportunity to apologize and make amends for the wrongs he inflicted upon you.
Even then, NTJ. Even in that rosy scenario, if he genuinely understood the gravity of his actions, he would understand that you had no obligations towards him. No matter how bad he felt, he would understand that the most important thing is to not cause you additional suffering.
And no matter how pure his intentions, asking you to visit your tormentor is inherently a selfish act, meant to comfort him, not you (and therefore, he should have been unsurprised by your decision). So you have nothing to feel bad about. If he was genuinely remorseful, he would have understood and respected your choice.
If he wasn’t, then all you missed out on was one more opportunity for him to engage in bad behavior towards you.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You took back the control. You owed him nothing after a lifetime of manipulation. Don’t let him win after death by leaving you guilty.
It sounds like he wouldn’t feel the same in those circumstances. I think maybe you were hoping that on his deathbed he would have seen the error of his ways, asked for forgiveness, and shown love. But also maybe he wouldn’t, and you would have felt that he won right at the end.
See it as you made a choice for you and your dad and take peace from it.” Bluespidermonkey
Another User Comments:
“Why are you asking? You made your decision, and it’s too late to change it. I’m not going to say whether or not you were justified in doing so, although I could speculate.
I’ll just go so far as to say that if you’ve got enough doubts about what you did, you need to work through them and come to terms with your relationships with your grandfather and your father. It won’t change anything for them — they’re gone — but it might help you, even, or especially if you decide that maybe you (as well as they) made mistakes.
Probably ESH.” SavingsRhubarb8746
17. AITJ For Cutting Off A Family That Excludes And Disrespects Me?
“I (17F) live with my mother (46F) and my stepfather (45M).
My parents have been separated since I was 7 years old, and I have always accepted it well because I never had such a strong connection with my father. The family on my father’s side is very large, and until a few years ago it was very close-knit.
But lately, everything has been falling apart: the first events that made me open my eyes were when, successively, my grandmother forgot to invite me to Sunday lunches. I never gave it much importance, but this Sunday, my cousin (let’s call her Claire) asked where I was, to which she replied “I don’t know, I haven’t called her.
But since she didn’t come here, I won’t call her.” Another situation was that her dog had a problem, and as she didn’t want to leave the house, she asked me to go and give her medication every day at six in the morning.
Now, what makes me think that I might be the jerk in this situation is that there was a big lunch with my late grandfather’s extended family.
My father, in a video call, mentioned this lunch and said he would like me to go since he works in another country and could not attend. When I talked about the subject with my grandmother, she said to me, “Ah, well. About that, I didn’t invite you because you don’t have space with us.
But look, since you’re staying here, you can take care of my dog.” With that said, I left her house with so much pain because, even though she did all of that, she was an inspiration. I also left the family group because they were talking about how I would survive being spoiled (they think that I’m spoiled because I don’t have brothers).
My father hasn’t spoken to me since that day. He told me, hours after what happened, that he was family and, if I wanted to, I would have tried to please everyone. The issue wasn’t about wanting to go, but about the way my grandmother said it so matter-of-factly, without a bit of consideration or sympathy.
So AITJ for saying that they’re not my family anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother has been excluding you and then says you have no space in the family? If your dad is OK with that, they have both shown their true colors.
The ‘if someone shows you who they are, believe them’ is sound. I am sorry that they treated you like this and that you chose your peace and yourself over people who do not care about you. I think you have your priorities straight. It’s hurtful and it sucks, but still good for you.
I hope you can move forward from this lighter and start healing.” spicy_sesame_elmo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to learn the effectiveness of making the main point and then shutting up. Tell your dad, ‘Your mom says I am not part of the family.’ This points out that it is HIS mom excluding you.
He’s uncomfortable with what’s happening and is trying to make you solve it somehow. Do not expand, do not argue further, just say that sentence. If a reluctant invite comes from Grandma, tell her she informed you that you were not part of the family.
Finally, it is not the role of the child of divorce to keep up a relationship with the parents. That is the adults’ job. Your father is a horrible jerk who blames you for his own failings. He will never be good for you or worth exposing yourself to his awful family.” dontlikebeige
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have an estranged father and didn’t grow up living with him. His family felt like it was my mother’s job to make sure they had a relationship with me while they enabled his abandonment of his child at the same time.
But my mother disagreed, and after a few years of doing all of the reaching out and driving hours each way to make sure they saw me, she stopped. My father would occasionally pop into my life for a few months and I’d see his family again, and then he’d fall off for years and I would never hear from them.
Now I’m nearing middle age and they have to doublethink about how I’m part of the family, but I’m never invited to anything. How everyone is so close and loving, but no one knows anything about me. Guilt trips about how I’m not close enough, but no one ever reaches out to me.
I went to a family reunion years ago to try to start to build a relationship (I won’t even say reconnect because there wasn’t much to reconnect back to), and it was just so clear to me that while I’m related to these people, we just aren’t family.
All my cousins grew up together, have all these memories, and I’m a stranger to them. And at this point, I just don’t care. It’s not about who should have done what, whose fault it is, or who needs to make up for it, etc. It’s all water under the bridge.
If I actually liked any of them, like, personally, then maybe I would try harder. But they’re hyper-conservative, deeply religious, and quite racist (especially against my husband’s ethnicity). So I don’t much care for them. And now I have my own kids, I’m building my own family.
There isn’t a paternal family-shaped hole in my heart. It’s been filled over the decades by experiences and love from all kinds of other people. So, as someone who’s come through the other side of this type of weird situation, it will get better and you’ll probably care a lot less as you get older and start to create your own chosen family.” mjot_007
16. AITJ For Not Choosing My Brother As Godfather?
“My wife and I recently had our first daughter. She is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. I asked my close friend to be the Godfather, and my wife asked her sister to be the Godmother. I didn’t consult my parents or my siblings (a brother and a sister) about my decision because I didn’t think this was a committee matter.
I am genuinely excited that this friend is the Godfather because he is a great role model who volunteers with children with special needs and overall is simply a great person and friend.
When I told my mom about my decision, she was furious. When I told her she was being manipulative, she said screw you to me and told me she didn’t want anything to do with me.
She accused me of not thinking the decision through, of not caring about family, etc. She even told me my brother was upset; and when I pressed her, she backtracked and said she knew he would be. She then went behind my back and told my brother before I had a chance to.
When I talked to him about it, he didn’t care at all and supported my decision to choose who I wanted. She also talked to my sister about it, so my sister got involved and told me that what I was doing was “a slap in the face to the family.”
So, am I the jerk for not choosing my brother to be Godfather?”
Another User Comments:
“You definitely are NTJ and so is your brother. But your mother and sister are definitely jerks. The decision to choose a godfather for your child should be between you and your wife.
You know what is best, and you do you. If you think your friend is better suited to be a godfather to your child, then you have every right to select him. Your mother has no business in this matter. Her manipulating you and involving your sister to get her way is ridiculous.
I would suggest that you set the record straight with your brother about the stunt your mum and sister tried to pull because I am sure they will go to your brother after this, even though your brother has given you the OK. One thing you need to do is draw clear boundaries with your mother about what is acceptable and what is not.
If she toes the line, then fine; but if not, show her the long-term consequences of her behavior, which may include limited contact with you, your siblings, and your respective families.” BoredofBin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be able to decide who gets to be the Godfather to your daughter.
You are the parent. If anybody does not like the choice you made, then that is too darn bad. To be honest, I think your mother is making a big fuss over nothing. I would not want my mother around my child if she acted like that.
Your brother was not even upset and even supported your decision. By the way, it is good that your friend is the Godfather. They seem like a nice person. I wish you and your wife the best.” That_Project_1879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother, though, claims to be all about family, but as soon as you make a decision she doesn’t like, she is willing to cut you off.
Go for it. Do not let her be around your child. If she wants nothing to do with you, she gets nothing to do with your child. See how long that lasts. You and your wife are the only ones who get a vote on godparents.
As long as the person you want agrees, it’s all good. Mom and sis do not get a vote on this. They need to learn their place. Cut them off until they figure out how to act like adults.” Fickle_Toe1724
15. AITJ For Not Sharing A Single Pack Of Cookies With My Husband?
“I drive our oldest to work in exchange for cookies (she gets it free). In previous iterations of this conversation, I explained that sometimes I want to keep something for myself and not share it. I attribute it to being the “not golden child” and having nothing that wasn’t shared with my siblings.
For example, in 5th grade I had only one piece of my birthday cake, and two days later the leftovers were gone because my brother ate them.
Tonight, I got three packs of cookies. My husband had eaten all of his snacks and then came in asking for one of my cookies.
Generally, I will share because I won’t eat them all before they go bad. But tonight, I responded with “Can I not have anything to myself?” He, of course, got angry and mocked me by saying “I’m sorry you never had anything growing up and don’t like to share.” Am I the jerk for not sharing?”
Another User Comments:
“As a parent (who can tell a lot of these commenters don’t have kids): NTJ. If I’m reading you right, your spouse and kids get nearly everything else and you don’t typically get much after the fact. For the record, I have treats I will not let anybody in my house touch because I’m sick of not having one thing for me.
They get all of my energy, emotional resources, etc. – the least I can do for myself is a snack. Same goes for you too.” Accomplished_Area311
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on your follow-up comments of him eating all of his snacks and all of your snacks and then also wanting your cookies as well.
Yes, you could have worded it more nicely, but also, if all he does is take, take, take then it’s reasonable to not always want to give, give, give. It’s not very fun living in a house where you can’t put aside anything for yourself ever because someone else will gobble it up, and it still wouldn’t be fun if your childhood had been an entirely different one.
You can apologize for the way you said it, but please don’t apologize for wanting anything for yourself, don’t let him gobble up all that is yours, and then mock you for not giving him even more.” ASereneDeath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds greedy – wants his cake and to eat yours too.
Honestly, I hate people who always want ‘a bite of yours,’ ‘a few of your chips,’ ‘a piece of your chocolate’ when they already had their own or chose not to have it. He, of course, got angry and mocked me by saying “I’m sorry you never had anything growing up and don’t like to share.” This is absolutely disgusting behavior on your husband’s part.
I can understand why your upbringing would make you more sensitive, but your feelings are absolutely valid. I would feel just the same, and I don’t have your background, so don’t let him guilt you for a perfectly reasonable action. What about his upbringing made him such a greedy, entitled glutton?
See how that works. You’re not at all unreasonable. He doesn’t share but always expects to be the recipient. Try scoffing all your treats and then asking for his. See how he likes it when the roles are reversed.” Keely369
14. AITJ For Forging My Own Path Instead Of Going To College?
“I’m hesitant to attend college because I don’t see much purpose in a degree, especially when people often end up working in fields unrelated to their studies. I’ve shared my concerns with my parents, arguing that I’d rather work for a few years, learn new skills, and even start a business.
They believe I can do that while in school, but I think most lessons are quickly forgotten, and hands-on work experience would be more valuable.
They’ve pushed the idea that just having a degree, regardless of the field, is important for my resume. They also tell stories of successful graduates, but I pointed out that many people without degrees are doing well, while some who graduated are in entry-level jobs.
Most of my family fits this pattern.
My parents still want me to go to college so they can be proud and brag about my degree. I suggested a compromise: I would attend a prestigious school for engineering, a program that could guarantee a good job.
They agreed to “check into it,” but after two years, they said we couldn’t afford it. So, I started working at Jollibee, earning minimum wage.
I’m content with my current situation, living in a house given to me by relatives and focusing on things I enjoy like video games and biking.
I don’t feel the pressure to pursue a degree anymore, especially since I’m already financially stable and my life goal is more about personal fulfillment than meeting others’ expectations.
Now, my parents are disappointed, and they still want me to pursue a degree, even though I’m focused on my own goals.
I’ve considered their perspective, but I feel like I’m making the right choice for myself.
So, AITJ for not going to college and focusing on my own path?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can pick your own path. But coming from a guy who didn’t finish any post-secondary school until his mid-30s — it was a mistake to delay college.
I missed out on decades of retirement savings. It’s going to be a problem if I can’t manage to sock away hundreds of thousands of dollars over my last 10-15 years of working. You don’t necessarily have to go to college, but it’s really helpful depending on your career path.
If you want a different path, you need to actually have a path with a plan and be saving your entire life for retirement. It’s okay to not have a full plan early on or to change your plan. But don’t just float through life doing whatever feels easy at the moment.
It doesn’t work out well in the long run for most people.” NinjaLogic789
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you need to research actual career paths and pursue one of them. You don’t need to go to college, but you have to at least go to community college for something useful.
You do not need to go to a fancy college for an engineering degree. You need to pick a viable career path and gain the skills in the cheapest way possible; in your case, that would be going to community college and transferring to college, if applicable.
Your current plan is not a plan, and the longer you stay out of school, the less likely you are to go back to school.” Then_Berr
Another User Comments:
“If you want to start up a business, then a business degree might be worthwhile.
It will likely provide you with the training to avoid amateurish blunders that might lead to losing a ton of money. I am assuming you live in the US, where people’s eyes water at the cost of tuition, but don’t turn your nose up at community college.
There may be additional advantages in affording you the opportunity to build relationships with other people imbued with an entrepreneurial spirit. If the business ideas don’t work out, then, generally, a college degree is a gateway to a better-paying job, regardless of whether the job advertised bears any relationship to that degree.” talktidy
13. AITJ For Insulting My Partner Over A Geography Mistake?
“I (23f) and my partner (22m) have been together for 6 months. It is a fairly new relationship, but it has been really nice and we get along very well. Honestly, it is one of the most genuine connections I have had with anyone.
However, we are starting to leave the honeymoon phase and are finding things we disagree on and all that.
The incident happened last night. One of my best friends was performing guitar and singing at a bar, so I invited my partner to come watch with me.
When we got there, we had about half an hour to kill before the show started. One thing you should know about me is that I absolutely adore trivia and knowledge games. That is something that my family did and I grew up doing. One of my favorite topics is geography.
We decided to play this GeoGuessr, touching the country it gives you on the map. It was set in Europe. The first few rounds went fine; they were more “obscure” countries that I would not expect an American who does not like geography to know.
Things went bad when he was told to click on Iceland and pointed to the United Kingdom and said, “Is it that one?” He had a kind of half smile on his face, so I thought he was kidding and said, “You’re kidding, right?” as if he were messing with me and being silly.
He got really offended and said I was being mean and insulting his intelligence. I, of course, apologized and said I did not mean to insult his intelligence; I just genuinely thought he was joking. I understand if I was making fun of him, but I was not.
However, I am honestly a little surprised he did not know something as basic as the United Kingdom. I am American too and grew up in the same state, so our schooling was very similar. It is not like it was a random country in Africa (which I feel is less general knowledge than Europe in the US); it was Iceland.
I feel like it is reasonable to think he was kidding. We moved on, but now I am wondering if I was the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say no jerks here. You misread the situation a little, but you didn’t double down and purposely make him feel small.
I am awful at geography. If someone asked me to play this game, I’d have a sudden migraine attack and have to go home. Some things seem obvious to most, but there will always be someone for whom it’s not obvious, and that’s fine. He was a good sport and played, but I understand why he felt embarrassed getting it wrong.
But at the end of the day, he didn’t flip tables and act like a sourpuss, and you didn’t belittle him. I think it’s just a healthy interaction that you can both laugh about once the burn wears off.” OhLaFemme
Another User Comments:
“Some people are super smart and intuitive about what is in their wheelhouse of interest and less aware of things outside that boundary.
I’m pretty good at general knowledge trivia and have all manner of arcane facts at my fingertips, but that does not translate to being deeply intelligent or informed about other bodies of knowledge. You might think it was just chiding, but when someone (effectively) has their intelligence questioned, it hits like a hammer.
Especially when it’s a man or woman trying to put their best foot forward with a partner in a relatively new relationship. Make no mistake, this humiliated him deeply and put a huge dent in your relationship. It will definitely color his attitude toward you going forward.” Nanny_Ogg1000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If anything, it’s just insecurity on his part. It’s very common for people to expect that others have learned the same things that they have (curse of knowledge), especially if it’s something that they learned early and something a lot of other people also know.
It becomes almost unfathomable that someone who has had similar opportunities in life wouldn’t know something, and that can lead to situations like this (it happens to me frequently enough). As someone else said, it’s not like you doubled down on your initial surprise, and it’s not your fault that he took it personally, but I think being made to feel “stupid” is one of the worst experiences for many people.
In my experience, people are very touchy about intelligence, more so than almost anything else.” Vossenoren
12. AITJ For Expecting My Stay-At-Home Husband To Do More Than Play Video Games?
“My husband “Jack” (33M) and I (28F) have a toddler together and have another one on the way. He’s a stay-at-home dad and I work full-time. I’m out of the house the majority of the day while he’s home with the toddler.
Jack doesn’t do anything.
He never sets an alarm to get up with the toddler. I do. He sits in the living room until our toddler’s nap (which varies every day) then goes to the basement to play his video games. Our toddler will sleep anywhere from 2 to 3 hours.
Then once our toddler wakes up, he gets her, makes dinner, and maybe gets one chore done around the house. Almost every day he does this. There are some days when I’m pleasantly surprised.
I’ve talked to Jack multiple times about keeping the house clean, but he claims it’s not fair that I don’t have to do anything (which isn’t true).
If the house is kept up, I do dishes, laundry, and meal prep on my days off. Sometimes I’ll bake too. I’ll also be on toddler duty. However, once he lets the house go, I don’t do anything other than clean the areas my toddler is in so she’s not affected by it because she deserves a clean house.
I have (almost) gotten the house completely cleaned three times now, and he lets the house go. I’ve tried splitting chores, but again, it’s hard when I work full time and I’m out of the house the majority of the day. My job has me on my feet all day and some days are harder than others.
I tell Jack all the time (and have proven it sometimes) that if the roles were reversed, I’d have the house cleaned for him. Jack claims that’s not true. He claims it’s my fault that the house is trashed because I should do more, yet I work full time because he didn’t want to work, which I supported and made more sense financially.
I have also been really tired and just want to sleep because of my pregnancy, but Jack gets mad if I don’t wake up in the morning, even though I let him sleep in most mornings.
I know how people on social media can be, which is why I didn’t want to post, but I’m at my wit’s end.
We literally had another fight about the house being trashed and instead of helping me clean like I asked, he’s now working in the garage. (Jack will literally find other things to do other than clean the house. For example, if there’s a task that needs to be done, he’ll take all day to do it, even if it’s an hour-long job).
So AITJ for expecting my husband to clean the house? Should I be doing more?”
Another User Comments:
“Perhaps it’s time for Jack to get a job out of the house, and for you to hire a nanny and a weekly house cleaner. It’s clear that Jack has no intention of fulfilling the tasks you envision him doing in the several hours your child naps; he’d rather play video games.
Nor does he plan to rise with your child. Or get off the living room couch. “As little as humanly possible” is not a job description, nor does it describe a responsible partner. Note that you work full time out of the house because Jack “didn’t want to work.” Surprise!
He doesn’t want to work in your home either. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the exact same thing as if he was the breadwinner and you were the stay-at-home wife. If he wants chores to be split then he can contribute financially, if he doesn’t then housework is his job.
What your husband is doing is treating you like a free room and board with the expectation of you being his live-in maid. “He claims that it’s my fault that the house is trashed because I should do more.” How? He is home all day while you’re working.
OP, this marriage is clearly a one-way effort on your part. You’re his wife, not his mom. Why did you have kids with this man if you say he does nothing?” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITJ
Another User Comments:
“Oh, girl, let’s break this down because Jack is giving the bare minimum energy while you’re out here doing the most. You’re working full-time, pregnant, running on fumes, and still doing dishes, laundry, and toddler duty on your days off.
Meanwhile, this man sits on his butt all day, sneaks off to play video games during nap time, and thinks making dinner qualifies as a full day’s work? Nah. Jack signed up to be a stay-at-home dad, not a stay-at-home gamer. The whole point of being the partner at home is to run the house.
Clean it, manage it, keep it functioning—especially when your spouse is out busting their butt all day. Yet somehow, he’s flipped this script to make it your fault that the house is a mess? Bold of him to claim that when his only consistent chore seems to be finding ways to avoid cleaning.
And that “if the roles were reversed” nonsense?
Let’s be real. You’ve already proven you can do it all—working full-time and keeping a clean house when it falls on you. He, on the other hand, has turned “working in the garage” into his full-time excuse.
You’re not wrong for expecting him to clean the house. In fact, you’re being way too generous by doing any of the housework on top of everything else. He doesn’t get to weaponize your exhaustion or pregnancy against you. The house isn’t trashed because you’re slacking—it’s trashed because he’s not doing his darn job.
You’re at your wit’s end for a reason: he’s not pulling his weight, and instead of owning up to it, he’s trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem. You’re not. He needs to step up, or you’ll burn out—and trust me, you deserve way better than that.
NTJ.” ContributionDue9507
11. AITJ For Not Giving Money To My Godchild?
“I have an ex-friend who stopped being part of our friend group around 2020 or 2021 (I don’t remember exactly). She blocked all of us because of her toxic partner/baby daddy, who didn’t like us. He claimed we were causing their fights by pointing out issues like her being seen with another guy and other infidelity problems.
A few months later, she unblocked us and added us back on social media. I accepted her request but didn’t talk to her anymore. Eventually, I unfriended her because of all the negativity and toxic posts she kept sharing about her baby daddy.
After almost four years of no contact, I was shocked when she messaged me at midnight on Christmas, asking if she could celebrate with us.
I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to entertain her message and accept her message request. Then on December 31, after a week of long hours at work, I was surprised to see her son and his grandmother in our living room.
In our culture, when your godchild comes to greet you during Christmas or days after Christmas, you’re expected to give them a gift or money.
Her son is around 4 or 5 years old (I can’t remember exactly). To say I was shocked and annoyed would be an understatement. I mean, seriously? My ex-friend, who I haven’t spoken to in years, sent her son and mother to my house. I was upset and just nodded at the child.
I heard my mom telling the grandmother, “She’s not in the mood,” and they left.
Later, my family told me I was being cruel and cold, and that I shouldn’t let my anger at the mother affect the child. They said I should’ve just given money.
I told them I wasn’t obligated to do so. Now, I’m wondering, was I wrong in this situation? Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not obligated to give anything, especially when someone shows up unannounced after years of silence. It’s absurd they expect you to play along with outdated traditions given the context.
Your choice was entirely valid; there’s a fine line between tradition and manipulation here. It’s disappointing that your family is pressuring you over this situation. Stand firm, set boundaries, and don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into giving under these circumstances. Remember, it’s about respect and relationships—not just monetary exchanges or obligations tied to a title.
Stay true to yourself.” campbell-charlesdq74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any discomfort for the child lies squarely on the shoulders of your ex-friend, and discomfort for the grandmother lies on either herself or her daughter, depending on how clued in the grandmother was. Honestly, it sounds like the request to celebrate was a setup with getting some cash for her kid in mind.
Have nothing to do with this woman and don’t be pulled into any drama.” Keely369
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to hijack this thread but can someone explain the importance and purpose of the godparent/child relationship? I was raised Catholic but am an atheist. As I understand it, a godparent is responsible for the child’s religious upbringing should something happen to the parents.
Does it go beyond that? Is there more? I have an aunt who frequently tries to use her godmother status to control me. Always saying “because I’m your godmother!!” I’m 48 years old. Last time I just asked if she wanted a wand or something.” Opening_Drink_3848
10. AITJ For Not Telling A Stranger To Get Lost In Jakarta?
“My partner and I were on vacation in Jakarta, Indonesia. We planned to meet up with friends at 3 p.m. somewhere in Jakarta.
It was 1 p.m. when we (my partner, I, and her friends) were at a mall, about 90 minutes away from the agreed location, on foot! My partner’s plan was to spend some time at the mall and take a cab to get to the designated location at 3 p.m. I, however, wanted to walk to the location, exploring the city.
We both agreed that she would spend time in the mall while I went on a journey to the location (nothing out of the ordinary; she doesn’t like to walk long distances, but I do).
About 15 minutes into my journey, a stranger approached me and tried to make small talk.
At this point, I should mention that I’m 6’3″ and 200 pounds, which stands out in Indonesia. He didn’t speak much English; I barely speak Indonesian. I kept walking toward my destination, but the guy followed me, basically walking next to me. I wasn’t paying much attention to him as we were unable to communicate.
He basically stuck around, complaining about the temperature. I found that odd, but I didn’t think much of it. We walked side by side until we almost reached my destination.
At this point, I had gotten used to his weird behavior and wanted to capture the moment on my phone.
Since he complained about the temperature, I bought him a bottle of cold water and asked for a selfie. He agreed and smiled into the camera. At the destination, I told him “goodbye” and went to see my partner. She took notice of the guy and started blaming me for walking with him.
“This was dangerous,” she said.
I said, “I’m twice his size; he was alone and never had a phone in his hands” (to inform any potential criminal friends of his that he had a victim or something).
She was mad the whole day and for some time afterward.
I really don’t understand why and have a hard time dealing with unfounded accusations. What should I have done? It was a public road; I am not entitled to tell him where to go. Given the size difference, I didn’t feel threatened by him. It was broad daylight.
In retrospect, I think he might be gay, but he hadn’t touched me or anything. Whatever that was, I remember it as a funny, odd experience.
I need unbiased opinions from strangers who don’t know us.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s something that women worry about every minute of every day that you don’t need to.
Like, my wife told me not to tailgate a guy who was going 35 mph in a 50 mph zone, because he’ll be able to see where we’re going and he might go there too to confront us. I told her that if that happens, I’ll tell him to go the freaking speed limit if he doesn’t want to be tailgated, and if he gets aggressive, I’ll just jack him in the jaw and drop him right there on the pavement.
I don’t care if it’s Christmas Eve. Bah humbug. Hands, jerk. Merry Fistmass. That’s fine because I’m a 6′ tall 260 lb man. But my wife is not. It’s something she needs to be vigilant about that I never have to give a second thought. It’s a way that men and women live in different worlds sometimes.
NTJ, just be more cognizant of things you don’t need to worry about that are deeply concerning to her.” Astute_Primate
Another User Comments:
“I think the man stuck around you because he was trying to get something out of you. In this case, it was a water bottle.
I believe this sort of thing happened to a YouTuber who went to India and was scammed into buying sweets or toys for a child. I can’t fully recall the details of the video since it was a few years ago, but you always need to be careful when in a foreign country.
I have to agree with your partner. YTJ. Height and gender don’t matter to scammers and strangers; if you’re a target, you’re a target.” Merely_Dreaming
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I guess. Her concern is valid, but I also understand your perspective.
You determined that his demeanor indicated he wasn’t a threat, but you also do sound fairly naive, which I’m guessing your partner is aware of and is applying to this situation. As in, it sounds like she feels like she has a reason to doubt your judgment about this type of thing.
“Like what should I have done? It was a public road; I am not entitled to tell him where to go.” I guess it depends on what was around – were there shops or stalls you could have stopped at to at least determine if he was truly following you or if he just happened to be going in the same direction?
When people behave in a weird way, it’s because they have motivations that you don’t understand. That doesn’t necessarily mean bad motivations, but it doesn’t necessarily mean good ones either. And even if someone has good motivations, it doesn’t mean you should blindly go along with them; someone’s “good” motivations can still put you or someone else in danger.” notrightmeowthx
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Grandma's Sister For Criticizing Our Family?
“I (17M) live with my mum (49F), my dad (50M), my grandma (79F), and little sis (14F). Since my mum and dad work all day, my grandma has decided to do the chores while my sis and I are at school. This has been going on for years.
For the last couple of months, I’ve noticed that she’s getting a bit tired, so I finish the chores after school to let her sleep a bit. That fatigue is often evident in various arguments with my mum.
Grandma often takes advice from her sister (83F), who has 2 daughters—let’s call them Jenny (53F) and Megan (46F)—who tells her to dump us and leave for the village to live with her and her daughters.
My dad always says that grandma’s sister and her daughters are the worst part of our family tree, and honestly, I agree: they are spoiled and really bad people who have done some immoral things to other members of their family.
At a family table, my grandma moaned a bit about having to cook all alone when Mum had her day off and was sleeping until noon.
Then her sister said, “I told you to leave those ungrateful individuals; they don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them unlike my daughters, who are an example of children raised right.” At that moment, I couldn’t hold my anger. I stood up, looked her dead in the eye, and told her “Are you really saying this?
For your information, we are all grateful for her presence, not only because she does the chores but because she raised my mum, me, and my sibling with values and morals, unlike you and your daughters. Have you wondered why Jenny got divorced twice or why Megan can’t even find a job?
You didn’t do as good of a job as you think raising your daughters. You have no right to call us like that in our house, at our table.”
Dad told me to go to my room, so I left. I overheard my grandma’s sister saying that I wasn’t raised right, but my parents defended me.
After she left, Dad said I was right and apologized for not interrupting earlier, while Mum said I shouldn’t have done this. I do think I did the right thing defending my family and putting her in her place. What do y’all think?”
Another User Comments:
“Why in the heck is an old woman doing all the chores? You are taking advantage of her. That makes everyone but her the jerk. She should be able to sit and relax at her age. Then trying to justify how you are treating her by insulting everyone?
I feel so sorry for your grandma. She is just a slave to everyone. She deserves better. She is complaining because it is too much for her at her age. She felt the need to address the fact your mom was sleeping until noon and she had to do everything.
So everyone just ignores her and makes her work more? YTJ.” catladyclub
Another User Comments:
“There’s nothing wrong with your grandmother keeping busy with chores, cooking, and whatnot around your house. Keeping busy helps keep her young. But it sounds as if she’s finding all of these chores becoming too much for her.
It’s a positive thing that you are trying to lessen the burden of her chores, but it sounds like the rest of your family needs to be involved. Talk to your sister and parents about this and see if they can’t take back some of the chores out of respect and love for your grandma.
But as for your aunt and cousins? They are definitely the jerk: as another commentator said, at best they’re stirring up trouble; at worst, they want a slave for their house.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. OP and his family, too. Grandmother is showing very clear signs that doing practically all the chores of a 5-person household is way too much for her.
“At a family table, my grandma moaned a bit about having to cook all alone when Mum had her day off and was sleeping until noon.” I mean, she doesn’t even get help when OP’s mother is not working! “Then her sister said, “I told you to leave those ungrateful individuals; they don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them unlike my daughters, who are an example of children raised right.”” I suspect they are doing the household chores—or at least most of them—and don’t let their 83-year-old mother do it practically all alone.
That is what the sister most likely meant. She is standing up for her little sister here and I totally understand why!” opelan
8. AITJ For Wanting To Enjoy A Normal Teen Life Instead Of Caring For My Grandma?
“I, a 16F, am forced to take care of my 77F grandma, who I’m going to call Nanny and who also has dementia. So, back in April of 2023, we moved my nanny and grandfather (who had stage 4 Parkinson’s) to my home in Colorado from California.
We then put my nanny in memory care and my grandfather in a rehab/Parkinson’s clinic. About three months later, my grandfather died. For about two months, I was forced to be the strong one in my family and keep things together. She was originally going to stay in memory care, but then about three months after my grandfather’s death, she got a new partner.
About a week later, she moved in with him and they lived together. About three weeks later, she moved into my house after they broke up.
My mom (50F) is the only person in the family who has a job; she works as a respiratory therapist full-time.
My brother (18M) and I are homeschooled, so we never leave the house unless it is for scouts or an event. My dad (57M) smokes a lot outside, and he has anger issues. A lot of the time, I’m the one who ends up making her food and making sure she eats a healthy diet.
I had been planning a Sweet 16 party for months, only to have to scrap it because she was having a bad month. My mom and my dad go on weekend trips about once a month to take a break from her. Every time they go, she sundowns (if you don’t know, it means that after the sun goes down, her brain function declines as well).
My brother doesn’t do anything to help with her or around the house, so when they’re gone, it’s just me doing all the work.
At the time of writing this, in about a week, I’m going to the Western Stock Show with my partner and her mom and stepdad.
I had to beg my mom to let me go because that morning/afternoon they were doing some stuff and I normally can’t leave my house when they’re gone because of her. Thankfully, she’s letting me go and is going to have a chat with my brother to make sure he keeps an eye on her until they get home.
But AITJ for wanting to leave the house more and not having to take care of her as much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ one bit. You’re a minor, and of course you should have your own life and be a teenager. Your grandma isn’t your responsibility and needs proper care.
Being homeschooled and not having interaction with people your own age really isn’t okay either, nor is having to cancel your party. “My mom and my dad go on weekend trips about once a month to take a break from her.” That is just not okay.
They’re putting responsibilities on you that you just shouldn’t have. Your brother is an adult and can leave if he wants without their permission. Your dad doesn’t work, and whatever his anger issues are, he should step up. Both your parents are in the wrong here.
Is there an extended family member you can talk to or stay with? If not, I think you need to call social services or CPS. I’m sorry, OP. No 16-year-old should be going through this.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is no way to treat a 16-year-old and an older person who has dementia.
It’s interesting that your parents go away for a weekend every third week but refuse to care for Nanny. Usually, when a carer needs a break, a professional respite carer is called in or the person goes into respite care, depending on what’s required and available.
You’re not being told to ‘help with Nanny’; you’re being forced to be her live-in carer, which is terrible for both of you. Caring is a difficult job, even for adults who take it on willingly, have professional support in the form of nurse visits, and had a good idea of what they were signing up for.
It’s wildly inappropriate for your parents or anyone else to expect you to take on the job of carer, especially with someone with dementia. It’s a condition that requires carers to be able to access advice from medical professionals.
I agree with other comments here that mention the Elder Abuse Hotline and Child Services.
You really need to talk to someone from both of those places about what’s happening and find out what your options are. You are not and cannot be a jerk for wanting to go and do more things outside the house, and where I live it’s against the law to homeschool without making sure the students get extra social time outside the home because socializing with peers is an important part of a kid’s development.
It’s considered an essential part of formal education. Refusing to take you and your brother to outings other than special events and scouts, and choosing to keep you stuck at home to care for Nanny, is forcing you to miss out on important opportunities that every 16-year-old should have.
Wanting to get out more and not wanting to be a carer is perfectly understandable, and it does not mean that you don’t love your Nanny or that you’re disrespectful of your parents. You actually seem very considerate of others.” Some_kunst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You, a 16-year-old, have been taking care of an elderly dementia patient for several months. You don’t have the qualifications for that, and legally you’re not supposed to. If your parents want to keep your grandma at home, they need to be her primary caretaker or hire a qualified person.
Honestly, I don’t think your family would let you avoid taking full responsibility for your grandma just by asking nicely to be able to act like a teenager. You should check with your partner’s family or any other friends or family to see if they’ll be able to take you in and discuss starting legal procedures to remove you from your mom’s and dad’s care.” Asiaa_cyniical
7. AITJ For Crying Over Gifts That Don't Reflect My Interests?
“I, 16F, had been asking my parents for a new mobile phone since mine works but has a lot of dead pixels and it’s hard to read, so I begged and begged and begged, and they just mocked me… Then I gave up and said, “Just give me some money; I would try to save up for it.” Mind you, my parents are not poor; they are mildly wealthy, so I was weirded out as to why they wouldn’t give me my phone…
My brother, 19M, has always been the mama’s boy and all, so when he asked for a tablet, he got it right away; plus, it was an expensive one and he got more presents…
As for me, when I went downstairs, I opened my presents and realized my parents didn’t know me anymore.
It was girly kiddo stuff that I thanked with a fake smile and some good acting. I got a bracelet maker, nail set kits, and stuff that I wouldn’t use in a million years… I realized my parents don’t know me anymore. After opening my gifts, I hid and started sobbing out of frustration; I would’ve been happy with just money, and seeing my brother’s smug face as he opened that tablet, it was not for me.
After a while, my dad caught me sobbing and started calling me irresponsible and disrespectful. I hid just so that they wouldn’t see me. I will try to learn how to do nails, and I will try to get my little cousin to teach me the bracelets.
It’s not as if I won’t try to use them.
I just felt so frustrated and invalidated. My brother is a mama’s boy, and I know that he will always get what he wants; as for me? Well, um, I’m the typical moody teen, but I don’t disrespect anyone…
I would’ve been happy with 50€ or 20€, just something to contribute to me buying it instead of them, but no…
AITJ? I don’t know. I don’t want to be or sound spoiled, but if they had given me gifts related to my interests and hobbies, I would have been much happier, and I wouldn’t have said a thing.
I like F1, manga, anime, music, and all sorts of books.
Yet they chose something that didn’t have anything to do with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not about the presents. You said it best: your own family doesn’t know you, doesn’t seem to listen to you, and that’s why you’re upset.
There are a few layers of misunderstanding here, but depending on the family dynamic, you should be able to communicate with your family about what’s actually going on. If you trust that your parents love you and then tell them that you feel like they don’t know you, they’ll listen.
Good luck.” xnxpxe
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like it was done on purpose. Come on! They know how much a tablet costs and how much a nail set costs, and there is a huge difference between the two. They sound like narcissists. A properly working phone for a female is a safety issue.
They bought you cheap dollar-store things to mock you. I hope you are able to get away from them as soon as you are 18. Maybe move in with a kind grandparent or go away to university. They aren’t going to change. And no, you are NTJ for having emotions when you are being emotionally abused by both your parents and brother.
They set you up and then gaslighted you when you had the response they set you up for.” Legitimate-March9792
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I don’t know if you have an equivalent phrase in Spain, but in a lot of English-speaking countries, we have a sentiment of ‘it’s the thought that counts.’ You might not always get what you want, but you might get something that shows the gift-giver cares about you.
My partner once bought me an $8 keychain from a gas station, and I was really sad when it fell off my bag, not because it was expensive or fancy or something I desperately needed, but because it showed how she knows me and loves me.
It sounds like you aren’t upset that you didn’t get your phone. You aren’t stomping your feet like a selfish brat. You took a moment to cry in private because the thought your parents put into your gifts doesn’t reflect who you are. That can hurt.
That’s normal. I’m not going to go as far as saying, ‘Your family sucks, cut them off ASAP.’ But I will say it doesn’t sound like it’s the healthiest dynamic. Be sure to surround yourself with friends who understand you. It’s going to be alright.” LostMyKeysInTheFade
6. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother-In-Law On Taking My Daughter Without Permission?
“My brother-in-law (40s) arrived at the in-laws’ place last month and told his dad that he was taking my daughter to his house for an hour.
He just announced this casually as though it was nothing in front of me and my wife. For context, he is married and our daughter is a year old, but they have only seen our daughter a handful of times. Now my wife diffuses the situation, saying she can bring our daughter down later if he and his wife want to see her.
But, man, I was taken aback by the audacity that he thinks he can just take our child whenever he wants. I was furious over this, but my wife said to let it go. I was still raging over this during the next month and consulted friends and co-workers of different ages and genders to check if I was justified in feeling so angry.
They all thought that this was an outrageous thing to do/say.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving, and he came in when we arrived, and this time had the decency to ask if he could take our daughter to his house for a bit. My wife again made excuses, but I was mad with anger.
The next day he was around again, and I just lost it. I told him to screw right off. He can’t just “take” our daughter when he and his wife feel like it. We are her parents, and we will decide where she goes. And if she does, we will be there too.
He says I’m out of line.
Now my FIL is not talking to my wife, and I feel like a jerk because she is upset. But this crap was way over the line for me.”
Another User Comments:
“Why does he want to take your daughter from you to his house?
Seems way creepy. FIL is also a jerk for taking his side. NTJ!!! I wondered if it was to amuse your child or something and just saw the comment about maybe for his wife. But still, no… He approached you as a jerk. Not in a “hey, my wife and I were wondering if sometime we could help you out…” manner.” lmmontes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your little baby is not a snowmobile you loan out, it’s your little baby, and it never goes anywhere without you or your wife. It’s really hard to fix that level of stupid; the brother-in-law is likely beyond repair, and you may need to go no contact for some period of time until you can hit the readjustment button.
However, if he’s that old and that stupid, I’m not sure that you’re going to be able to fix him even by going no contact or low contact. I would encourage you to never let that baby be around him alone, back your wife up at all times, and make sure she knows that you’re not okay with him ever taking your kid anywhere ever at any time as long as you’re alive.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
Another User Comments:
“I come from a large family, and this would not be out of the normal. The first time, it did look as if it were a statement and demand that the kid was going with, and I would have an issue with that.
But the second time, he did “ask” if she could go home with him for a bit. My siblings took my kids home with them often when they were little, and there was nothing creepy about it. Aunts and uncles bonding with their nephews/niece.
Now, I don’t know the backstory of your family, and of course it would make a difference if they were not persons you would entrust to take care of your kid.” stepstothehouse
5. AITJ For Telling My Friends About My Ex-Friend’s Creepy Request?
“I (19) am currently in university and happened to enroll together with an old (ex-)friend (M20) in the same university.
We’ve been “friends” since the 1st grade and our looks and behavior are scarcely alike. He had told me that he liked me before (when we were 17) and I flat‑out refused him, but still stayed in contact.
Now onto the problems: We’ve attended a party together, as we usually do, because we live on the same street and it’s a lot safer for me to go with a man than alone.
It all went well until he decided to ask me if he could drink his beer from my chest, to which I obviously said no.
He then asked me if he could touch my chest, and I said no again and left the party.
The next day, my friends asked me why I left the party, and I’ve told them what happened. Well, the problem is, today he came up to me and told me that my friends told other people what he said, and now his social life is ruined because people see him as a weirdo.
I said sorry and rushed off.
So I’ve been thinking about whether I messed up by telling my friends. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He continued to pester you after you repeatedly said no, in multiple different ways. His first comment was inappropriate, but his follow‑up question after you said no was harassment.
YOU didn’t ruin his social life; HE ruined his social life. If he didn’t want people to know what he said, then he simply shouldn’t have said it. Please feel confident that you did indeed make the correct decision.” No-Philosopher-58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I learned, when I was about your age, that if a friend asked me out and I said no, and if I tried to remain friends, they would hold on to some weird hope that does not exist—that you’ll change your mind—and after a couple of drinks end up saying something creepy.
For future reference, if you say no to a guy, he is no longer ‘safe’ to escort you to parties or even be around. Not until at least he’s had a partner to show he’s not into you anymore. I’m not saying he’ll hurt you or anything, but you’re not just a friend even if he is to you.
What he said is creepy, and dear God, I hoped guys had stopped this crap 20 years ago, but apparently not. The fact that your friends told people is hardly your fault. He could have played it in lots of ways (blaming booze, embarrassed and can’t remember, etc.) but decided to blame you.
This shows he’s even more of a nasty jerk than you knew. Just block him for now and move on with your life.” WeirdPinkHair
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I’mma get flamed but whatever. OP uses him for security “because it’s safer for her to go with a man” in an environment where booze will be consumed, which we all know makes people do stupid things, which is why it’s illegal to drink and drive.
He asked two questions, and OP had to run back to tell all the friends what intoxicated Johnny said, who just happens to be interested in her.” MrV8HAHA
4. AITJ For Booking A Hotel In The Same Area As My Son's Family Trip?
“My son (30) and his fiancée (28) of six years go on a family trip every year with her extended family.
From what my son tells me, they travel to different locations and rent an Airbnb that accommodates the 30 people who attend. For the past three years, they’ve gone during the holidays, and as a result, we rarely see them. My future daughter-in-law (DIL) and I have a good relationship, but I can’t say we talk much.
My son and his fiancée are planning a trip in March for spring break, and I asked my son when we might be able to plan a trip together in the future. He mentioned there might be enough room at the house they’re staying at.
I told him that sounded great and asked him to let me know the costs for everyone attending. My 24-year-old son, 22-year-old daughter, and 3-year-old grandson also live with me, so we all planned to go.
A few days later, my son told me that we’d likely have to sleep on a couch or share one of the kids’ bunk beds if they were available.
I assured him we’d make it work, and I sent him our share of the costs. I also told my kids, who were very excited—this would be their first vacation that’s more than a three-hour car ride away.
Last week, my son called and told me it wouldn’t work for us to join them after all, and he sent back the deposit.
When I asked why, he explained that his fiancée didn’t feel comfortable with us coming. She was upset because I didn’t attend her engagement dinner last year to meet her side of the family, which she felt would make it awkward to share the vacation rental. She was also upset that I didn’t reach out to her directly to discuss joining the trip, leaving my son to relay the information instead.
I told my son it was fine, but I ended up booking a hotel about 15 miles from where they were staying. I also told my son he didn’t have to worry about making time to see us. Now, my DIL is upset because she feels that we’re still somehow taking away from their trip.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You guilted your son into an invite, didn’t take the hint that you wouldn’t be accommodated, and then planned a spite trip to the same place. Wanting to hone in on her family’s trip when you haven’t even met them puts you in monster future in-law territory.
Your son didn’t handle it well at all either, but your role in causing trouble is worse, while it sounds like he’s stuck in the middle trying to please you and his fiancée. Just because they travel with her family doesn’t mean they want to travel with yours, which might be disappointing to you, but making family relationships a point game is bound to do that.” Katsaj
Another User Comments:
“I mean… If I had been with your son for six years and engaged, and you never took the time to meet my family or anyone close to me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going on vacation with you either. Plus, you mentioned that you and your future DIL barely talk and you didn’t communicate any of these things to her?
Your son is going to feel obligated to spend time with you guys, knowing you’re 15 minutes away, which would take away from any plans they may already have. Soft YTJ.” calmtransition3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re actually a special kind of jerk. You invited yourself along on her family trip.
You then invited additional people along on her trip. You then booked a spot super close to where they’re going to be at the exact same time. They’re going to be there so that you can guilt your son into seeing you since you made the effort to be that close to them while on their trip with her family.
Get the heck over yourself. There are 51 other weeks of the year. Figure it out which is not on a trip with her family. You sound like an insufferable, entitled bag of crap.” United-Manner20
3. AITJ For Keeping The Sentimental Doll Meant For My Niece?
“My niece Jay (10F) was the only granddaughter when my mother died in 2020. When she died, she wanted my niece to have her porcelain doll collection which had around six dolls. These porcelain dolls were around when I was a child and I had memories of getting in trouble for playing with them.
They were absolutely beautiful.
Well, when my mother died I (29F) decided to keep ONE doll. I know it wasn’t left to me, but I felt that they meant more to me than they could to my niece. I contemplated giving it back to her when she was old enough to appreciate it.
We’re from Louisiana and Hurricane Laura hit when we evacuated. I took the doll with me because I knew it was sentimental and irreplaceable. My niece, however, let all of the remaining five dolls get ruined in the hurricane because she left them in the house when it got ruined. My twin sister (Jay’s mom) thinks that it’s only fair that I give Jay the doll.
I kept it safe because, after all, it was meant for her. My argument is that if I had given her the doll, it would have gotten ruined with the others because she didn’t care enough about them to take them with her.
Fast-forward, we are now in 2025 and I have a daughter of my own.
I 100% believe that if my mom had known she was going to have another granddaughter, she would have left a doll to her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for a few reasons. 1) It is not nor was it ever your doll. It was always your niece’s doll.
Your mother very specifically said they were all to go to your niece. If you wanted one, you should have told your mother this before she died and asked if you could have one. 2) Your niece didn’t leave the doll during a hurricane evacuation because she didn’t care about the dolls—they were left because, as a very young minor, she was relying on her parents to get out of an incredibly scary situation.
Wrapping up a bunch of dolls, no matter how sentimental, was not and has NOTHING to do with any of this. 3) It doesn’t matter how sure you are about how your mom would feel now since there is another granddaughter. You could be 100% absolutely sure—it doesn’t matter because your mom is dead and left zero thoughts about that.
You went against your mother’s wishes and pretty much stole a doll from a child. YTJ for doing that. And you are an even bigger jerk for refusing to give it back.” True-Blackberry-3080
Another User Comments:
“These porcelain dolls were around when I was a child and I had memories of getting in trouble for playing with them.
Do you think the fact that you weren’t allowed to play with them as a child, but then your mother handed all of them over to another child (albeit your niece), is what prompted you to think you were justified in keeping one? I’m not going to say that you’re a jerk because I don’t think it’s that straightforward.
Inheritances can be tricky and sometimes a dying parent can use an inheritance as one final emphasis on who they favor. If my daughter loved my doll collection as a child, but I wouldn’t let her play with them due to age, then I would at least be courteous enough to pass them on to that same child as an adult.
I definitely would not skip past them and pass the dolls on to another child, especially not knowing if they will even cherish such an item. I feel there’s something more to this story.” LifeSux_N_ThenYouDie
Another User Comments:
“I know I’m going to be downvoted for this, but I’m going with no jerks here.
You told your sister you were taking one of the dolls when you did. It’s a horrible thing that happened with the hurricane, but I seriously doubt a six-year-old actually played with those dolls, let alone cared about them. I’ve always grown up being taught to care more about the sentimental things over the monetary things, so I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes (the only difference is my family wouldn’t have cared, and also we wouldn’t have to worry about hurricanes).
My sister was given a small porcelain toy tea set when she was seven, and the only time I’ve seen her touch them since (she’s eleven now) was when she first got them. She filled the tiny cups with tea and then put them on her shelves when she was done drinking, and that’s where they’ve sat since.
So you’re NTJ for taking it because you told them you were taking it when you did, your sister’s NTJ for being upset—everyone is entitled to their emotions, it’s how they go about them that people need to watch—but it doesn’t sound like your sister did anything other than be upset with you.
Your niece isn’t a jerk (obviously) because it’s not like she asked for them, and what six-year-old is grabbing her porcelain doll set during a hurricane? I think that might be the only thing that makes you slightly a jerk, OP, and that is you tried to make it seem like your niece should be ashamed that she didn’t grab them.
It was a scary situation.” Baconcm
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Stepmom Over Babysitting, Food, And Power Trips?
“My (34F) stepmom (52F) has been helping us out by babysitting my two children (2 and 5).
While my husband and I are very grateful, we are also very upset with her.
My stepmom was recently divorced by my father. My stepmom had nowhere to go, so she asked to stay with us. I do not have a great relationship with her because she stole stuff that I had bought with my money when I was 17; however, I decided to push past this and move on.
When she moved in, we went over the rules and explained what her experience would look like. She agreed to our rules, which included buying food for herself when necessary, although we did tell her that we would mostly be buying items for her so she could get back on her feet.
Another rule was babysitting. We agreed to pay her for babysitting our kids when we needed her so that she could earn some money to get back on her feet. We gave her our job contact information in case she needed to call them if she could not get hold of us while we were at work.
Recently, we have not really needed her to babysit, but she has been insistent on paying for food items. We explained that this was not necessary, and she replied that she wanted to feel like she had more power over us by paying for food.
I gently reminded her that this was our house and that she was a guest, to which she got upset. She told my husband and me that “she has power over us” and “she was my mom.” I did not reply and simply stopped talking to her.
My husband had made plans with her that we would need her to babysit our kids this past Monday, and she had agreed since we were both going to work. While I was at work, I received a call from my husband, who told me that my stepmom had called him to say that she was leaving to go party with her friends, and he was going home to talk to her.
I agreed that he was doing the reasonable thing since she has no concept of responsibility. Then, while I was still at work, I received a call from my stepmom, who said that my husband told her that she needed to grow up and gain responsibility or get out.
I, of course, sided with my husband, and she hung up. The next morning, while driving home, I noticed that my stepmom’s car wasn’t in our driveway, and I asked my husband about it, to which he replied, “she chose to get out.”
I have been trying to reach my stepmom for days, but neither she nor my stepsister (with whom she moved in) will hold a conversation with me, and my stepmom has not apologized.
I’m starting to feel like the jerk since neither of them will respond to me. Did I overreact and overstep by essentially kicking her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! However, why are you trying so hard to talk with her? She sounds as though she did you and your husband a huge favor by acting like a pouty teenager with a bad attitude and moving out!
Not a 52-year-old woman who treated you like crap when you were younger! When people show you who they are, believe them! Unless she apologizes for her past behavior and is possibly doing some soul-searching and therapy, she is still the same darn person!” Professional_Catch34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for backing your husband. How in any way would you be the jerk for that? He was right. She stole from a minor. She openly said she wanted “power over you.” She broke the agreement you made. She’s a user. Odds are she always has been, and that’s what caused the divorce.
But in a way, you are (gently) a jerk: You took in a woman who stole from you. You housed and fed her, and also paid her to watch your children? You considered her untrustworthy and put her in charge of children? Stop being a doormat.
Without knowing anything else about the family dynamic, I suggest therapy for you. She should have hit the curb in your mind the minute she stole from you. You didn’t, and don’t, owe her anything. But your husband seems to have a good head on his shoulders and a spine.
From the information given, you’re right to back him. Let her rot.” Correct_Bad4192
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But at this point, she shows she is only interested in power moves and nothing else. Luckily, you don’t owe her anything and you were very gracious in giving her a place to stay and some kind of income.
She wants to act like this; that is on her. She had options and she made a choice. She is grown up and can manage on her own. They are being childish in their attitude and in how they are handling things. That is not on you.
Be happy knowing you did right by her, and that her moving out is her own doing. Honestly, who calls and says, “By the way, I’m leaving to go to a party, so I can’t stay home with the kids I promised to care for tonight?” You might want to do something about that.” Cultural_Unit7397
1. AITJ For Not Letting A Driver Merge When It Was Unsafe?
“Today I was driving my wife and me home from running errands. As we approached a busy intersection, I had my turn signal on and was about to get into the left lane to make a turn at the upcoming signal. The car to my right started trying to merge into my lane, possibly to cross two lanes and turn left as well.
My wife saw him when he first tried to get into our lane and said, “He wants to get over.” I replied, “I see him, but I’m not letting him in.” This guy didn’t turn his signal on and wasn’t clearly in front of me.
He was about 1 foot further up from me on the right. I would have had to come to a complete stop to let him in. I decided to keep going and make the left turn. He was not able to get into the left lane and went straight at the light.
My wife flipped out. She called me a jerk and selfish and asked why I didn’t let him in. My reply was that I didn’t want a bad driver in front of me and that he had had lots of time to get into that lane before the light.
She called me a hypocrite and said that I cut people off all the time and she was going to bring this up the next time I changed lanes in front of someone. IMO, I am not a bad driver and I rarely cut people off.
I always signal and will keep going rather than make a dangerous or late lane change. I’m often a kind driver and will let people in front of me, but this time it didn’t seem safe so I chose to keep going and not slow down.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t signal, and you could have been rear-ended had you stopped to let him in. That happened to me before. So now I don’t let them in. I pretend I don’t notice their intent. Drivers who realize they are going to miss their turn create dangerous situations by abruptly moving over.
If I get distracted or stuck in the wrong lane, I continue straight and make a safe U-turn the next block down. It’s not that hard.” Likely_A_Martian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People know when they need to turn left. If they miss the chance to move over to the left lane before the turn/turn lane turns solid, they need to go straight.
Traffic needs to keep moving. If you had ‘been nice’ and let him in, you would have had to stop or slow down, meaning every person behind you is also forced to slow down or stop which is impeding the flow of traffic.” SeorniaGrim
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What if the other driver insisted on going over anyway? Did you consider that? They’re wrong, obviously, but you don’t need to prove a point at the expense of your own safety. What should happen doesn’t matter. What’s actually happening is what matters.
Especially with your wife in the car. They were wrong, but you don’t have to make a poor decision just because someone else made one first. I don’t get into my sister’s car for this same reason. She’d kill us both to prove a point to some stranger she’ll never see again.” Born_Material2183
