People Turn Heads With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Birthday Celebrating My Partner's Sister's Birthday?
“So my birthday is today and it’s the middle of the night right now.
I’ve been trying to pack and get everything together and get my dog’s stuff all packed for this 8-hour road trip to my partner’s hometown but I just broke down and gave up and I lost all interest in going. It’s my birthday today and the thought of having to do this drive on my birthday is terrible just to get there and have to go straight to bed because there are no plans for my birthday.
I wanted to go on a trip with my partner for my birthday and I thought that’s what we were going to do but he stopped discussing it with me and he decided he wanted to visit his sister and mom for his sister’s birthday.
His sister’s birthday is the day before mine.
We both had work yesterday so the soonest we can leave is on my actual birthday. We are supposed to be there for 4 days and she wanted to go wine tasting. He also said on the phone that he was going to take her to whatever restaurant she wanted for her birthday.
Mind you, we are supposed to arrive on my birthday. I asked if we had any plans that night and my partner said we didn’t have any. So basically his sister is going to have 4 days of us being there celebrating her birthday. The wine-tasting thing I guess was supposed to be part of the combined celebration but to me, it’s just for her.
I’m just there to support my partner and to bond with his family. I don’t know, I’m thinking of just pretending to be sick and letting my partner go to his hometown to celebrate his sister while I make a plan to grab dinner with one of my friends.
I’m just kind of sad that his sister didn’t plan this the weekend before my birthday but instead, the weekend that’s closer to my birthday and calling my partner expecting him to show up. The last time I was there she made a rude remark about me not being the prize.
I ended up crying to my partner. This was the first time I met his whole family and she ended up apologizing. She can be rude and super straightforward but I do like her as a person. I just think I’m going to be sad seeing how much attention and celebration her birthday will have and I’ll just be feeling like a guest when it’s in fact closer to my birthday at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it really does seem like she planned this on purpose to make your bday all about her. Especially given what she did before. And your SO fell all in with it. I wouldn’t blame you at all for staying back and having a you celebration with one of your friends.
I think you should. Also, if I were you I’d have a really deep think about how invested your partner really is in you. It sounds too much like he’s all too ready to put you in the back seat, at least when it comes to his sister.
Take this time away from him to think about what you want in a relationship, and equally as important, what you don’t want.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“Don’t be angry at the sister. She can plan her birthday celebration whenever she wants. That weekend is still close enough to her birthday for her to want to celebrate and of course she would invite her brother, you are being selfish there.
Did you talk to your partner about making plans for your birthday? Did you two have plans? If so, it’s a partner problem and you are trying to blame the sister. I guess I need more info. If there were plans for your birthday and he decided to skip for his sister, you would be NTJ.
But if you didn’t plan anything, there’s nothing wrong with him spending his sister’s birthday with her.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“I know this must be hurting your feelings. I don’t know if this will help, but I have a small piece of advice.
Step back and realize your birthday is just another day. As are holidays. I know it’s fun to have that special day on the proper day it should be, but it’s always an option to celebrate on an alternative day. For a little background, when I was young my mom volunteered to work on holidays.
She would get triple pay and it was too good to pass up. We needed the extra money. This meant we rarely celebrated holidays on the right day. You just get used to it. I assume he’s made you feel unimportant with these plans and those are super valid feelings.
You have to decide what sounds better. Time with him (and his mean family) or time doing something that doesn’t make you feel crappy. It seems like he’s telling you exactly who he is. Make sure you truly listen. Please respect yourself enough to know you deserve someone who wouldn’t let his family talk to you the way they did.
Good luck!” fanofthethings
19. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Flirty Coworker's Remarriage Ceremony?
“I’m a 27-year-old black male who works security night shifts at a hotel. I have been working at this company for about 2 years but we recently had an employee transfer to the sales department. Let’s call this person Jenny. Jenny is Hispanic and in her early 30s with 4 kids and a husband.
Jenny and I got close and often talked about our experiences with the job and life in general. In fact, we got TOO close. Jenny was nice at first but became very flirty with me quickly. She made it very obvious that she wanted to be with me.
She said she never went out with a black guy before. I had second thoughts about being with my coworker, especially a married one with kids. In fact, I hadn’t been with anyone in a while. Something seemed off about the situation but Jenny was persistent.
One day Jenny had a fight with her husband and told me he left to stay with a cousin. I felt bad and decided to hang out with Jenny outside of work. I told her we could hang out on Tuesday since I knew we were both off that day.
When it came Tuesday, Jenny did not respond to me.
Jenny and her husband made up and were even getting remarried. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Surprisingly Jenny asked me and other coworkers to attend the remarrying event. I’ve never been to a wedding but I know people put a lot of effort into them so I told Jenny I’d think about it.
I put some thought into it and felt it would be very awkward if I went to the event. Jenny texted me and said she was excited about me meeting her family at the event. I texted back “I never said I was going.”
From that day on, Jenny has been distant from me and often made excuses to not talk to me.
AITJ for refusing to go to Jenny’s remarriage event or was I right to follow my gut feeling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can refuse an invite to anything. Honestly, Jenny sounds like a promiscuous woman who loves attention from the men in her life.
Regardless of the event with her husband (which she is probably milking for the attention), she wants to keep you on the hook as well. You declining goes against what she wants, and the fact she is acting cold now really should tell you she was only playing you.
She was never a real friend to you. You made the right call staying clear of it and ignoring her advances.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“No, you are clearly a good man. “Jenny” is not. Now we don’t know her home life, but there is a good chance “Jenny’s” husband does not care for her lifestyle choices.
Most married men don’t like the idea of their wife being with other guys. As I see it you can play this two ways, Great, let her go her own way. Talk with her as the business needs demand it. Or…. Level with her and tell her why you did what you did.
This may open the door to her again, and see you as a challenge, someone that she can be with because she knows the power she holds. I know this is going to get downvoted and back, but I have seen it myself firsthand. Not long after I got married I ran across a girl I had known in high school, never gave me the time of day.
The first thing out of her mouth is Oh I see you are married now. Then it was a full-court press. She said she always regretted not being with me and would love the chance to. Not all women are this way, but some are.
There are not-so-good men out there as well that play the same game, but it is clear you are not one of them.” fpgt72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Really dodged a bullet here. Never mess around where you work. I once had a coworker who was with a colleague.
He then broke up with her to be with another woman… who worked in the same office. That poor girl had to transfer to another location 1+ hour away because her ex was now with the girl she didn’t like. Things got messy, people almost got fired, gossip level was high.
I worked IT there and was cool with the women so they spilled a lot of tea. The thing is: Depending on the field, your reputation from the old job will surpass you when switching jobs. You apply for the same job with a competitor and they already know what you did in the last job.
It’s just not worth it. Always separate personal life from professional life. Always.” NoName_0169
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sibling's Religious Tutoring While Paying Household Bills?
“I’m 19, almost 20, and working a minimum wage job that brings in about $130 weekly.
My parents have strict rules: I must be home before dark and can only leave for classes or work. To hang out with friends, I lie and say I’m at college.
I also share a room with my sibling.
I’ve always followed these rules because I live at home rent-free and felt it was the least I could do.
Recently, my dad asked me to contribute to household expenses, so now I pay him $330 USD every three months for bills.
On top of that, I’ve been giving my mom $100 a month for my sibling’s religious tutoring. I’m not religious, but I considered this my “rent” and didn’t mind it until I started paying the gas bill.
Now, I feel like I’m being double-charged. When my mom asked for the tutoring money again, I told her I couldn’t afford it anymore.
She argued that the gas bill arrangement with my dad was separate and I still needed to pay for the tutoring.
I also feel like I’m basically paying rent without the freedom of living alone. I still have to abide by their strict rules and can’t do as I please.
My dad still treats me like a child and occasionally comes into my room to make sure that I’m not playing games (he’s strangely strict about me playing online games).
I don’t think my parents are considering my future. My dad even said, “You can pay the bills, right?
It’s not like you’re saving up for anything.” I’m currently in college, funding my education with student loans that I’ll have to repay myself. They aren’t helping me with tuition or any other expenses.
To make matters worse, my dad earns a decent salary as a senior nurse, but most of his income goes overseas to support extended family and my aunt’s medical school tuition.
I can see how I might be the jerk as an additional $100 might not be too unreasonable.
AITJ for refusing to pay for my sibling’s religious tutoring classes?”
Another User Comments:
“You are 100% NTJ, do not pay for tutoring for your siblings, it’s your parents’ job.
If they ask you about gas bills, tell them to choose one – either tutoring or gas and stick to it. If my parents would ask me to pay rent when I turned 18 and then demand gas money and other crap I would straight up tell them that if they involve money to such a degree in our relationship now then I would charge them when they need my help in future.
It’s fine to pay some rent but when they clearly are milking you then just tell them that you will remember this and milk them when they have no choice and see how they get mad at you for threatening to do in future what they are doing to you now.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“It’s kinda a wash imo. $230 per month is definitely less than what you’d be paying to rent, even with several people, not to mention other living costs. I’d advise an honest conversation with your parents. If they can financially support extended family they can definitely support their daughter’s religious tuition.
But they could also expect you to actually pay rent/bills/cell/food as without your current situation, you’d have to anyway. Maybe suggest a written agreement to clearly stipulate your financial obligation for living there, and request clear terms for “the rules of living there”.
Then consider your options. 230/month isn’t super far off from what you might be able to accomplish with a group of people sharing rent costs, and only you can decide things like adding your room/board to your student loan debt. But if living at home isn’t working, or straining your relationship with your family, perhaps it’s time to leave the nest lil bird.” AzimovWolf88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hate to say it, but you’re eventually going to have to choose between either moving out and finding a means to support yourself (in turn probably angering family) or putting your life on hold to cater to your family’s demands (and potentially ending up resenting all of them).
In the meantime, try to get the payment agreement(s) with them in writing, document every time you pay them (date, amount, etc.), and get them to sign it if possible so that there’s no you said/they said on whether you paid (if they balk at doing so, tell they you need to get used to keeping track of bills and finances for when you’re out on your own, which is true…).
I would also highly recommend seeing about starting a savings account for yourself if possible and putting in whatever you can when you can just in case. It also wouldn’t hurt to check with a college guidance counselor on what possible options you might have for work/housing/support through the campus as well as to help offset your tuition costs.” FaythsRequiem
17. AITJ For Not Knowing The Difference Between A Lamborghini And A Corvette?
“Tonight my partner and I were riding around our downtown and decided to stay out longer than usual. After passing by a bar he saw a Lamborghini, which is one of his dream cars. Mind you, I’m not a car fanatic nor do I know the difference between all the different subcategories of cars.
Anyways, our town has a lot of corvettes on a day-to-day basis. He started geeking out over this Lambo and I said how I was surprised he saw it considering it looked identical to a Corvette in my eyes.
Anyway, he started getting mad at me and said I didn’t support his dreams – even though I never once went against that.
Ultimately we got back to the house and I was told to “shut up” like every other night we don’t see eye to eye on something. I stayed outside on my phone trying to chill after that while he was inside and still he just seems to get mad at me despite me listening to his requests or if I try to talk with him about our problems. At the end of the day, I feel like I’m always in the wrong but I don’t know if I actually am or if I’m just being guilt-tripped.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry to say this, but a person who sees his partner thinking some models of Corvettes as looking a lot like some models of Lamborghinis as “not supporting his dreams,” and being angry at said partner, and telling said partner to shut up, is like a walking billboard for narcissism.
This is not a good partner for you. He’s pathologically thin-skinned and has hostility and rage issues you shouldn’t have to live with. He doesn’t treat you right. From where I sit, your problem is that you haven’t left yet. NTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“I had an ex who used to lose his temper at me at the smallest things. We were in our early 20s and he had serious anger issues. Ultimately this led to a mentally abusive relationship for 4 years. He used to gaslight me every time I tried to stand up for myself.
Turns out he was being unfaithful to me every weekend when out with his mates. He wasn’t just aggressive with me but with his parents and friends too. Once punched a sign when his mate said something he didn’t like. Punched a hole in the door when his mum said something he didn’t like.
Headbutted me in the stomach when I didn’t do his hair right. The point being PLEASE recognize the early signs and don’t spend any more time on this guy. No one should make you feel like you’re in a bad place in your relationship, you should be a team.
Love is shown in actions not just words. Good luck!” AlternativeHour1985
Another User Comments:
“Hahaha ok, so when I was little (early 90s) fancy cars (including Lambos) had these weird flip-up and down headlights when you turned the car on. I was obviously convinced that every car that had them was that sort of car.
I have this distinct memory of seeing a car with the flip-up headlights and saying to my parents “I really like those Lambo/Ferrari/etc cars with the flip-up headlights” and my parents losing their temper being like “uh that’s a Mazda.” I was floored. My point being, people being snobs about stuff like this need to get over themselves.
And people who don’t know about stuff like this don’t deserve to get dragged over the coals for not knowing about it. And NO ONE deserves to be told to shut up by their partner.” AngleInner2922
16. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Apologize To My Mom After She Yelled At Her Over A Birthday Gift?
“I used to live away from my parents, I had two kids with my late wife and remarried to Becky. Becky has a son who is my stepson.
Becky’s parents are not well off financially so they never would give my kids gifts. I sat the girls down and had a conversation about it, in the end, they expressed they don’t see them as grandparents anyway so no loss.
We moved back to my area for a job opportunity.
The first time my parents saw their new stepson (12M) and overall he wasn’t interested. My wife after the event pointed out that there was favoritism but I told her that it will take time and it was literally the first meeting. Christmas rolled around and they got him a game for his switch.
The girls got two gifts, while he only got one.
I agreed that was a problem and talked to my parents and they told me they had no idea what to get him. It didn’t help that the girls loved going over to grandma after school and didn’t want their step-brother to tag along.
I invited my mom to his birthday after talking to my wife. That happened today.
My mom showed up before her husband. She only had a card and put it by the presents. My wife lost it at her and called her a ton of names.
That she was cheap and would give more than a card to the girls.
My mom told her she is a stuck-up jerk and ripped open the card. It had money in it and a picture of a bike with the words go outside on it.
My dad was bringing the bike in his truck since it didn’t fit in her car.
She stormed out and told my wife that she can forget about the present now.
My wife and I got into an argument. I told her she needs to apologize since she went off the handle and my mom has every right to take back a gift after she yelled at her.
She wanted me to cut off my mom and not let her see the girls but I told her no. The girls love her and I will not break that bond.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is way out of line. That’s some deep-seated issues she has.
Your parents don’t deserve to be treated like this by your (current) wife. Her behavior is inexcusable. She has absolutely no right to try and put a blockade between your mother and your children’s relationship. You should watch carefully how your wife speaks about your mother in front of your kids.
She is going to try and poison the relationship because your wife is not a stable woman.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ YIKES. What a mess. 1. He’s a step kid, they don’t always get the same gifts from the grandparents. 2. A Switch game might have been equal value to the gifts the girls bought 3.
No mention of how he feels about any of this 4. Your wife has a serious chip and needs to check herself. As a kid, I didn’t always get the same gifts as my sister. My grandma adored having a granddaughter. She raised 3 boys so a grandson wasn’t that big of a deal. My folks helped me to understand and to learn to accept the gifts I got.
They were still generous and loving, just not as big a deal as my sister got. I was older and learned to live with it. I mean shoot, I got a video game… what’d I care if my sister got 2x as much as I did… I just wanted to play!
Your wife needs to get over herself.” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. there is something wrong with your wife. A switch isn’t cheap. It was 1 decent present instead of two, so what? You and your wife should have talked with him about how they are not his bio grandparents and any gift is to be received with gratitude and thanks and good graces, even if you don’t like it.
As soon as you said your mum had a card I guessed it had money or a gift card as they don’t know him very well. But your wife, holy shoot, she went straight into attack mode. She has ruined this for her own son, she’s a nightmare.
She needs to apologize for being a “stuck-up jerk” because she was, a huge, huge stuck-up jerk.” Successful-Show-7397
15. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Aunt's Blended Family Home To Live With My Grandma?
“My mom lost custody of me 3 years ago. She’s always had issues and she’s been in jail a few times.
I (15m) have no dad in my life so I’d go to my aunt typically until my mom got out and took me back. But then she lost custody of me for real and my aunt took me in.
My aunt was going through her own really difficult time.
My uncle, her husband, died, and she was left alone with her son (10). A few months later she met a guy called James and they hit it off and ended up moving in together and getting married by the end of that same year (they met in February).
James has a daughter (11). James’ ex had divorced him a few years before and wasn’t around their daughter. She didn’t remember her mom and was feeling mixed about the blended family. Sometimes she really wanted a mom and other times she didn’t want to have a new mom or share her dad with my cousin.
The two kids could not get along and living with them was miserable. My cousin misses his dad so much and he’s angry that his mom married again so fast. He was mad that James’ daughter was sometimes calling his mom ‘mom’ and other times telling her she’s not her mom and to go away.
He was angry James was trying to do stuff for him that his dad used to do (take him hiking, Father’s Day events, and stuff).
It was such a mess and I was miserable being in the middle of all that. They were in therapy and everyone came back from that so unhappy.
In the end, I was talking to my social worker and I asked if I could live with my grandma instead. Grandma said yes. She was so happy. I moved in with her last week. But my aunt was so hurt I did that and my cousin misses me.
He asked if he could live with me and grandma too. He told Grandma he doesn’t want to live with James or Katie (James’ daughter) anymore and he’d be way happier with her and me. My aunt was even more devastated by this. She told my cousin he still had her and he told her he didn’t want James or Katie and he couldn’t have her without them.
They ended up talking and he told her he wished James and Katie would go away forever and never come back. I think some of my aunt’s anger came from that and was directed at me over my cousin. But it made her get super angry that I had asked to leave.
She said she was always there for me and why did I want so badly to leave and stuff.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a LOT going on and it’s TOTALLY okay to want to escape the chaos. At 15, recognizing what you need and asking for it is pretty mature.
Good for you. Tell your aunt how much you appreciate all she’s done for you. But with all the stress everyone is under trying to blend the family, you felt it would be better for all involved, including yourself, to remove yourself from the situation.
Your cousin is kinda being a jerk, but it sounds like he’s even younger than you, at an age where being the kind of jerk he’s being is pretty normal.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sweetheart, you’re 15 years old and dealt with more adversity than some people do in a lifetime.
Your aunt’s dysfunctional blended family isn’t your problem. You don’t deserve to be her scapegoat. She’s an adult, she needs to sort out her own problems and accept the consequences of her decisions. Your cousin is young and unhappy. He misses his father. In his mind, if the new husband and his daughter go away his father will come home which has nothing to do with where you live and with whom.
You deserve to live a happy life with someone who makes you feel loved, safe, and secure and you have that with your grandmother.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“Need info: Did you talk to your aunt before talking with your grandmother and social worker about this?
Or was she the last one to find out? If you spoke to her first and expressed your desire to live with your grandmother, NTJ. If you spoke with your social worker and grandmother first, YTJ…but a soft jerk. You’re 15 and dealing with quite a bit.
It’s understandable that you might not have known the best way to go about handling this, but I’m guessing that if your aunt was the last one to know, she felt blindsided in addition to the normal hurt that would come with you wanting to move out.
At the end of the day though, living with your aunt doesn’t sound like an ideal situation because of the added drama of trying to blend 2 families in that household. I think wanting to remove yourself from that was a pretty mature decision on your part and I hope that living with your grandmother provides you with the comfort and stability you need.” OGBrewSwayne
14. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Wasn't Home After My Week-Long Trip?
“Today I (30) came home from a week-long trip to my partner (31) gone from our apartment. We’d been texting throughout the day and I had let them know I was boarding my final flight headed home with a rough estimate on when I’d likely be home.
Shortly after I put my phone on airplane mode they let me know “going to a friend’s party be back soon”. Once the flight landed 45 minutes later I let them know I’d landed which is when I saw their text telling me they’d left. I’d carpooled with some friends so I let my partner know again when we were close to my friend’s place where my car was and they responded letting me know they saw my text and they are aware of approximately how far my friend lives from our place.
Finally, when I got into my car I sent them another text saying I was ~30 minutes from home which they replied “yay!” to.
When I got home I was greeted by the cats but my partner was nowhere to be seen and after loving on our cats I sent them a text saying “I’m going to be honest I’m a little hurt you’re not home.” They responded “darn I’m still at the party” and I said I understood that and I’d interpreted be home soon to imply they’d be back before I would get home and I’d gotten my own hopes up.
We try to be transparent with our feelings and I understand this text comes off as passive-aggressive and I sent it in a moment of feeling upset and during our exchanges today it was never clearly stated that I’d like them home at a specific time to greet me.
We’ve been together about 2 years now and this is the first time we’ve had this much time apart so this is new territory for us to navigate. A little over an hour later (their friend lives 20ish minutes away) my partner got home, we hugged and I tried to explain to them why I sent them the text and brought my feelings up trying to let them know how I felt in that moment and that in the future if when either of us got home from a trip it would mean a lot to me if we could be home to greet one another.
They said I was a jerk for sending them that text and that I’d never let them know exactly when I’d be home. I let them know before I left for my trip roughly when I’d be home and we’d been texting all day/week how much we missed one another and I expressed I wanted nothing more than to hug them and the cats when I got home.
My partner is telling me my expectations were unfounded today, which I will admit I did not directly express that I wanted them to greet me when I got home, but they also say that asking for this in the future makes me a jerk since it’s too controlling and not taking their emotions and wants into account.
I understand they are their own person, but I also don’t think asking for them to be home to reunite with each other first thing is unreasonable since I might go on a trip like this maybe 2x a year if that. They also state I’m the one more likely to leave for a trip so it’s a very one-sided request.
I’m worried I’m not seeing something, so I’m asking am I the jerk for being upset they weren’t home when I got back from my trip and their reaction to be asking they try to do so in the future?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, Would you be this annoyed if they weren’t home to greet you if they had to work?
Or would you expect them to blow off work to be home for you? Why not take advantage of the empty home? Have a shower and get clean, maybe. Nap? You don’t need someone to be home to greet you, you wouldn’t get that if you were single, and as much as it might be nice to have that your partner also has a right to go about their day.
You never spoke beforehand about it so you can’t be annoyed that they weren’t there, Just do something chill like “Hey I’m home now, what time would you be home? Will we get to do something tonight?” And throw in a little I miss you.” Aniexty94
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. My partner travels out of the country at times with his father and has never, ever demanded that I wait for him at home when he is supposed to arrive. We usually talk about these things in advance, not with passive-aggressive messages and not waiting for the other to read our minds.
Sincerely? You acted terribly immature and controlling, ignoring that your partner, before you knew when you were coming back, could have already made plans. Your partner is his own person, not just your partner, and he doesn’t have to stop everything he’s doing to please you.
In fact, expecting otherwise and making a drama about it is a red flag, a sign of your selfish personality.” SaxoSad
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Going against the grain, I know, but you did let them know about your flights, so they could have checked the schedule, if they cared. You also let them know, several steps of the way, how far out you were.
They just didn’t care enough to be there. If this was a one-off party, retirement, stag party, family birthday, etc. Sure, because it was important. If this was just a hang-out because it’s the weekend party, nah. You got blown off because friends were more important, and more fun than you, and that hurts.
My spouse and I would never treat each other like that. We’re thrilled to see each other after only a few days apart. We’re both grown-ups, who don’t need each other, but life is just better when we are together. When one has to travel, which is frequent, the other makes sure the house is clean, the sheets washed, favorite food in the house, and a welcome home hug.
Then again, we don’t have kids, so we have the time and energy for each other. Traveler gets to have the remote for the night too. That’s just us, and that would suffocate some people, but it expresses how much the other was missed, and it makes the traveler feel special. I wouldn’t be in a relationship where random friends were more important.
Relationships take work, but the reward is fireworks! Y’all either need to learn to communicate, or accept that you have different relationship expectations and move on. Sounds like you’re just roommates with benefits.” BAR12358
13. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Family Trip Because Of My Stepdad?
“I (20M) have never had the best relationship with my father. He was not the best man to my mother in the time he’s been married to her since I was 7, openly bullying me for no reason just because he could.
As a 20-year-old, I’m looking for an apartment right now to get out of my mother’s place. Recently, my mom came into some cash and decided it would be great to take a trip with herself, me, my older sister, and my stepdad, to the Grand Canyon.
At first, I was ecstatic. Growing up poor, I never thought I would go there even now, even if I am technically an adult. I was excited to go until the mention of my stepdad. We never went places, but the places we did, my stepdad always found a way to ruin the experience with his heavy drinking, and I was not letting a place I’ve always wanted to see, be ruined like so many before.
I openly admitted I would much rather not go at all than be with him. My mother explained how she thought I was being difficult and a brat. I won’t say in depth what this man has done to not violate guidelines, but I didn’t just dislike my stepfather; I hated him so much.
And he was the reason I was so eager to move. I went to therapy because of this man and his actions, and my mother still expected me to treat him kindly and respectfully, but it’s just something I couldn’t do. I repeated to her everything he’s done and the effect it has on me and why I never want to go on a vacation with him just because I know he would ruin it for us.
I reminded her all these years she had so many chances to divorce him and get him out of our lives, and maybe I wouldn’t be so messed up, but all she had to that was “You don’t understand the full story.”
After a large fight, I put my foot down and just told her if he’s going, I won’t go at all and for her to pick, so therefore AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One thing you could say: “I am grateful that you invited me on this trip, however, based on past experiences, I think going with stepdad would likely have a very negative impact on my emotional and mental well-being. I cannot overlook his past behavior, and will not risk being re-traumatized.” You are an adult and must take care of your own mental health.
Do not allow yourself to be pressured into something you know will be a bad idea. If they don’t understand, then there’s no point continuing to discuss it with any of them. You can always go to the Grand Canyon in the future with people who will not traumatize you.” Chemical_Cupcake_100
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — “No” is absolutely a complete sentence. You gave your answer, you gave your reason(though you were under no obligation to do so), and you set your boundary. Period. Your mother should respect that. However, from what you’ve described, I doubt she will.
She has consistently chosen her husband over her children, which is absolutely disgusting behavior, by the way, and shown that she doesn’t care how it affects them. It’s time to cut ties with the both of them, sad and painful as it can be, and live for yourself and your own happiness.” Accomplished_Rip5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you dislike being around your stepfather that much, you have the right to choose not to be. If your stepfather really stresses you out and overshadows your enjoyment on the holiday, you don’t have to subject yourself to his company.
Or, after you get to the vacation site, you could plan all or some activities for yourself or you and your siblings that do not include your stepfather. Once you reach the holiday destination, there is nothing written that you must spend all the holiday time with him.
If your financial priority is to secure independent housing, you should make that the goal, for the time being. The Grand Canyon will still be there when you can afford to go on a trip to visit it in the future. If you put your foot down, you’ve given your mother an ultimatum; don’t be surprised or upset at what she chooses.” j4ckb1ng
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's New Partner At Our Family Lunch?
“I (22f) invited my dad over for lunch at my house for Father’s Day.
It was supposed to be my fiancé, our two sons (3 years and 7 months), myself, and my dad. My dad stopped by this evening to drop some things off for the babies and, as he was leaving, mentioned how excited his partner (we will call her Melanie) was to meet the boys.
It caught me off guard, so I didn’t even acknowledge it. I panicked.
For some background, my parents divorced 8 years ago because my dad was unfaithful to my mom with Melanie. My dad and Melanie were only together for about 8 months before breaking up.
They were absolutely insane together. The most toxic relationship you can imagine and they both fueled the fire. They only rekindled their relationship less than 2 months ago.
I have expressed my concerns to my dad several times, but he seems to be a little delusional. He has even told our extended family that I fully support this relationship, but those words have never left my mouth.
I have set some boundaries stating I would not like to see her until at least 6 months into their relationship and ONLY if they can prove they will be healthy and stable this time. I don’t want her to meet my children if this is going to end badly.
I don’t think he thinks I am serious.
I’m sure Melanie is a wonderful person. I don’t really know her. I was a young teen when my parents divorced and I never even gave her a chance before things got bad. After living a little more life and gaining more knowledge and experience I know that some people just bring out the worst in each other.
Maybe that was the case here. I would hate to make this seem like I have a personal vendetta against her. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I never invited her though. In my opinion, they haven’t been together long enough for her invitation to have been implied.
I have spent a lot of funds both as an adult and as a child getting my dad out of bad situations and I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to “save” him from himself. I can’t do it again. I have a family of my own now.
I have chosen to distance myself from this situation, but I feel like he is blatantly ignoring me.
So, would I be the jerk if I told my dad that Melanie is not invited to our lunch? And, if not, how do I tell him politely that she is not welcome?”
Another User Comments:
“OP as you stated before you don’t really know your dad‘s partner and you just want to spend time with him, so to answer your question are you the jerk for wanting to spend time with your father and not his partner?
NTJ, you have no relationship with this woman and know little to nothing about her, if you want to know what you could say to your dad just tell him “Dad I would like to spend some time with you for lunch, I know you love your partner, but I want just to be me and you.
I don’t really know anything about her, nor do I have a relationship with her, if you don’t want to, then I will respect your decision.” Also, I do agree with you that your dad is delusional, he thinks that you support his relationship when you don’t.” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk, and the sooner you tell him, the better. State it like it is, don’t be afraid to speak your truth, and you let HIM worry about his feelings – and Melanie, too. “Dad, I want to spend time with YOU, and only you.” And however he feels about it will be HIS burden to bear, not yours.
Avoid people who require others to manage their feelings. That is codependency, and it is unhealthy. Once you learn people’s reactions are THEIR responsibility, truth-telling gets substantially easier. People who cannot manage their emotions will show themselves the door, and the serenity that follows is worth the price of speaking your truth.
In the worst case scenario, you’ll spend Father’s Day with your own little family, while your Dad and Melanie act like toddlers, so… it’s a win/win.” CarefulPen6867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad seems a burden if you at your young age have had to help him out of situations he got himself into.
The partner seems to be one of those situations. Totally understandable you don’t want that in your house. I’d tell your dad you are not comfortable inviting someone into your home who has only recently been seeing him, so that you’d like for him to come celebrate Father’s Day with your family alone.
If he can’t accept that, well, then I guess he’s not coming. You could offer a compromise where only you meet your dad AND Melanie for something like lunch or dinner at some restaurant or lunch room. That way you won’t have to be a host to Melanie and Melanie doesn’t get to meet your partner or kids yet.
If this compromise isn’t good enough for your dad, well, then so be it.” wandering_salad
11. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Parents Control My Wedding?
“I (23F) and my fiancee (24M) are getting married this year. We have been together for almost three years at this point and got engaged 6 months ago.
Since getting engaged, it’s felt like a constant power struggle with my mom specifically. She has made choices I either didn’t like or didn’t choose but claims it’s “what I wanted” because it “fits the aesthetic” of the wedding theme.
She also has begun using the term “I pay, I say” when it comes to choices for the wedding. There have been multiple instances recently that have resulted in fights, but this is the most recent.
Just randomly one day, I was playing with wedding invite designs.
She texted me, asking me what I was up to. I responded with a picture of my computer screen with the invite I was currently looking at and playing with. This was over 2 months ago, and she still brings it up in conversation. She has said multiple times to many people how childish the invite looked, how I have poor taste, etc. Again, it was not even something I had put any work into, just something I was looking at.
This week, I finally found a wedding invite both my fiance and I thought looked nice, and had something that was important in our lives (deer hunting) in a classy way. I put in all the info, edited it, and sent it to my FMIL to see what she thought.
She loved it. My mom saw it and proceeded to blow up on me. Her major complaints being: The antlers look stupid, there is no mention of your parents on the invite anywhere (they claimed it’s customary for the invite to say “MoB and FoB and MoG and DoG invite you to the wedding of…” which we could find no evidence of that being a thing), and for catering there isn’t a meat choice they get both meats.
This turned into a MAJOR blow-up yesterday, as my fiance finally hit his limit with how we have been treated. He said, “It feels like we’re not even the ones getting married since we can’t seem to pick out one thing without them hating it.”
Last night, we had a dinner with the wedding party. My brother (a groomsman) showed up, and demanded we apologize to my parents for how we have acted and the pain we have put them through. We tried to explain he has only got one side of the story, but he did not want to hear it.
He kept making vague threats that my family was going to cut me, even bringing up trying to go after my house (they are cosigners but have not made payments). He also recorded the whole conversation to show my parents.
My brother has now said he won’t be involved in the wedding anymore until we apologize, and let my parents make the choices.
This is where I may be the jerk because I refuse to apologize for my or my fiance’s actions. I understand that my parents are paying for the wedding, but it seems like it’s just a showcase of how great our family is doing, not an event about the love between two people.
I love my family and would be crushed if they didn’t attend my wedding, but I can’t keep going like this. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a heart-wrenching and all too common story. My mom did this.
She boycotted the wedding. She threatened to cut off all my siblings. She sent a letter to almost all the guests telling them they were dead to her if they showed up. I never took anything from my parents (like a house) because I knew they would take advantage of it and try to leverage me.
If I could re-do that wedding I would have cut her out IMMEDIATELY to save soooo much drama that completely ruined it for everything. Advice is hard, but you need to separate. If that means making hard choices; Like not getting married right now, or eloping and having a party after you’re more established then that’s what you have to do.
You should find your own place. If that means downsizing or renting then that’s what you need to do until you’re ready for your own house. You really need to cut out toxic. This will actually greatly strengthen your relationship because you’ll be on a more even footing, get more respect, and won’t have a power dynamic.
Good luck to you and your family. I’m sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.” mt-egypt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is comfortable behaving this way because she has always gotten away with it. You have grown up with this so to you it is normal to let her do whatever and go with it.
Your FH doesn’t see things the same way and sees how their behavior is not ok. You need to back up your FH because he is right. Your mom is using paying for the wedding as a way to control your wedding. Sounds like your brother and dad cater to what your mom wants.
Stand your ground because if you don’t put a stop to this now, it will only get worse and when you have kids she will be impossible. She will use everything she can to manipulate you. That includes your home and money for the wedding.
That’s what people like her do. She will use everything she can think of against you and will tell friends and family a story with a version of you that makes most villains look harmless and her like a victim. Focus on your wedding and be prepared to pay for it yourself.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. She is going to stomp all over them but you stick with them.” woodenunicorn
Another User Comments:
“Lol I’m trying to envision how “classy” and deer hunting wedding invitations all come together in a single sentence BUT it’s your wedding.
I actually kind of disagree with the majority in that if you’re kicking in funds for the day you should be able to have some small degree of input on certain aspects like being able to invite a person or two etc. It seems like a basic courtesy.
You don’t have to apologize but you can’t demand the purse while disrespecting the person attached to it. Either open yourselves up to be willing to collaborate on things you’re OK with giving up control of or give back the money and take back the power.” ktjbug
10. AITJ For Asking My Sisters To Refund 50% Of My Trip Cost After Plans Changed?
“I (25M) have two younger sisters, Rebecca (23F) and Anna (20F). Last year, Anna suggested that we take a sibling trip with all of us and our spouses before life gets too busy.
At first, we were looking at some place tropical, but Rebecca let us know that that would be out of her and her husband’s budget so we began looking at somewhere closer to home.
We all pitched our ideas on where we’d like to go, but Anna and Rebecca ended up choosing someplace in Wyoming without asking my wife’s or my opinion.
We don’t enjoy hiking really, but we didn’t want to rock the boat so we went along with it.
We then talked about doing it over the summer when the weather would be nice. This of course wouldn’t work for Rebecca so we planned the trip for when would work for her which was the first week of October.
We all pitched in to pay for an Airbnb, my wife and I paid slightly less than everyone else because we planned to stay for less time than everyone else.
Sunday, we started a group chat with all six of us in order to start looking at things people would like to do while there.
My wife and I begin to realize that October might be a bad time to go and a lot of the things we’d like to do will be closed. We’re not against going on a few hikes, but it’s not what we want to do every day and is not our idea of a vacation like it is for the other couples.
At some point, Rebecca’s husband sent a news article that the major roadway between our Airbnb and where we’d be doing the activities had collapsed with no schedule for when it would be repaired and any alternative route would be at least a 2-hour drive.
My sisters began looking at alternate lodging that would allow us to avoid the road and I suggested we maybe consider someplace different since we were already had to change our original plan. I threw out somewhere that was cheaper to stay at, had better weather, and had a better variety of things to do.
They disliked this idea and wanted to know where this suddenly came from. I let them know we weren’t very excited about this trip so if they were set on it then we would have to miss out this year.
Anna goes to cancel the Airbnb and we find out that if we cancel our current Airbnb we only get a 50% refund.
This made them even more set on keeping the original plan and just hoping the road is fixed in time, but I preferred to get 50% back than pay even more money in gas, food, and activities for a trip we knew we wouldn’t like at this point.
So I thought it would be fair if they split the cost of half of what I paid for the trip and that way they could keep their plans and I get the 50% refund I want.
Rebecca said I was a jerk because I knew what I was signing up for when booking the trip so I should just eat the cost even though the rest of us have been flexible to fit her wants and she hasn’t compromised on anything even.
And I’m not asking them to pay me back the entirety of what I paid either.
So AITJ for asking them to pay me back 50% of what I paid for the trip?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. But you get the lion’s share at this point.
If you had asked at the point of the Wyoming debacle, you’d get a different answer. But since you went along with it, you’re a grown-up who’s accountable for their own choices. Cancellations and less-than-100% refunds are risks you run with vacations. And that’s especially true with group vacations.
Group vacations are also well known for not being everything you wanted. That’s what happens when trying to factor in the wants and needs of multiple people. The time to rock the boat was when Wyoming happened. But you didn’t. Try to demand your 50% refund if you want.
But in the future, remember that group vacations aren’t for you.” Time_Oil_V
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You signed up for a trip that didn’t involve an extra 2-hour drive every time you wanted to leave the Airbnb. There is no schedule for when the bridge will be repaired. Even if you did want to go on the trip, no one wants an extra 2-hour drive added to their daily commute.
I promise after a long hiking trip no one will be happy to drive an extra 2 hours back to their home. It sounds like your sisters are upset because the price would be more expensive, especially for Rebecca but that isn’t your responsibility.” Y****************l-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re absolutely being reasonable here. You and your wife were flexible with your plans to accommodate everyone else’s wants, but it seems like Rebecca and her husband are not willing to compromise on anything either. The road collapsing is a major issue that could affect the entire trip, and it’s understandable that you don’t want to stick around for what sounds like an unpleasant experience.
Asking them to split the cost of half of what you paid is a fair request considering the circumstances. It’s not about ‘eating the cost’ or being unwilling to compromise, but about finding a solution that works for everyone. If Rebecca is upset about it, maybe she should have considered your wife’s and your concerns from the start instead of bulldozing over everyone else’s opinions.” xSNYPSx
9. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Friend An Extra 45 Minutes To Avoid Waiting At The Grocery Store?
“I drove an hour south to pick up my friend and drove an hour back so he could stay at my place. During the drive, I informed my friend that I had to stop off at the grocery store and he asked that I drive him to my place first. My house was 15 minutes away from where we were, and I told him it didn’t make sense that I drive 45 minutes out of my way so he didn’t have to wait 10 minutes in the parking lot.
He protested that his dog wasn’t doing well. I put my foot down as I didn’t want to make the extra drive.
He is now livid at me, and I said something I shouldn’t have, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You already drove 1 hour 45 minutes and were being asked to drive another 45.
He’d only been in the car 45. Did he even pitch in for gas? Was he going to be eating any of those groceries? He’s a massive ungrateful jerk who can walk his livid sorry self to the nearest bus stop, in my opinion. I would not tolerate this level of disrespect for a single minute.
NTJ. And you’re still not the jerk if you kick him out.” pukui7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unfortunately I’ve seen it all too often where the one getting a ride wants to make demands lol. Unless the dog was vomiting or pooping everywhere, simply sitting in a vehicle wouldn’t make much of a difference.
I’m guessing the dog was just fine when picked up?” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“I would have suggested that he get out and walk his dog for a few minutes to give him a potty break and you would be back by the time they were done.
If the dog was truly unwell, why didn’t he stay home with him? The dog would be more comfortable in his own home and he would have easy access to his vet.” Maximum-Swan-1009
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew Visit My Autistic Son Due To Family Neglect?
“My child (7m) is autistic, my nephew (5m) is neurotypical. My siblings treat my son very differently, they never see him, they don’t make plans to come or get him anything for his birthday.
They have excluded him from events, bail on plans with him, my BIL doesn’t even say hi to him. They essentially ignore him when we are all together because they don’t understand him and they don’t try to. We have stopped doing holidays with them and have been doing them with just the two of us and it’s been bliss for my son and for myself.
Yesterday, my son had a school ceremony and his grandparents came, and after the ceremony, his grandma told me that my sister wanted my nephew to come over sometime to hang out with my son and that his grandma could bring him over. This bothered me a lot because I don’t see how you could let your child come over and have a relationship with your nephew, but you can’t?
Also, my son gets very attached, he LOVES people, and when somebody comes over, he will not stop asking when they will come over again until they do. He hasn’t been asking for them to come see him anymore because it has been so long since he has seen any of them.
I’m afraid he is just going to be let down after seeing his cousin once and not being able to again. Right now, my son is not affected by not seeing any of them, but is having his cousin, who lives with both my siblings and talks about them nonstop, going to make him feel like he isn’t enough for them?
I’m torn because I’d love for my son to have some type of family other than just myself, but I don’t think he would get that from his cousin regardless because of his parents. WIBTJ if I said no?”
Another User Comments:
“Look, your sister and BIL sounds like they have no idea about ASD but this isn’t about them.
It’s about your nephew and your son. Do they have a relationship? Do they enjoy time spent together? If they do and your mother is willing to drive nephew over then I’d go for it. The boys can have time together and who knows, if it goes well then not only does your son get a nice family member but potentially can change your sister and BIL’s minds when they see how their son loves to spend time with your son.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“I would say no. Having raised 4 kids with autism I wouldn’t say yes, especially if it pertained to my youngest son. He forgets nothing. Side concern is what does your sister say about your son within hearing of her son. I only mentioned this because when one of my kids was little I overheard my best friend’s (at the time, no longer after that) son say some things to my son that no way a 3 yo thought up for themselves, he had for sure heard it from his mom.
My son luckily didn’t get it but his older sisters sure did. Was not a good scene at all. You know what’s best for your son.” tiredx6
Another User Comments:
“Your family’s behavior toward your son is shameful. It makes perfect sense for you to say no to further contact.
Apart from his grandparents, who apparently show up and behave in a loving fashion, you’re dealing with people who don’t deserve another moment of your time, thought, or consideration. I think you would be wise to hand what you posted to your parents, with the heading, “why my nuclear family won’t be seeing my siblings or nephews again.” It’s going to be hard for them to read this because, if they’re good people, they’re going to feel so much shame and humiliation to have raised children who are such….gosh, I can’t say it but you can fill in the blank.
Keep protecting your son and being such a good and thoughtful mom. NTJ.” Nester1953
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother's Cousins At My Graduation Ceremony?
“I am graduating in medicine in two months and have been finalizing the guest list and deciding on how many extra invitations I am going to need to buy (we get like 25 but for any more, we need to buy).
My parents have been financially supporting me during med school (not US-based) and I have been coordinating with them who to include in the guest list so we know how many and if we need to buy extra tickets.
The problem is my mother has been wishing to invite two cousins of hers (with their aggregate family to the party and ceremony) and I have been against this from the start.
My main reason not to do so is that I honestly do not feel comfortable around those people and their presence would make me uncomfortable during the celebration of the biggest accomplishment of my life.
To add context, these people are not malicious, they are actually fine, not bad per se, but I don’t like how they treat me.
I am my mother’s only child, and after a difficult labor that I barely pulled through, supporting her emotionally after the divorce and her health issues, I am a big emotional part of how she values herself and her history. And those people treat me, as I perceive it, mainly as a part of her history.
Honestly, I feel like a prop around them; It’s things like asking questions about my life to her instead of me when I’m in the room. These people don’t really know me or talk to me. So honestly I don’t really want them there, I want to be able to celebrate something about myself with people that I feel actually cherish me.
My mother invited them anyway. Right now she says she didn’t and that they simply brought up in conversation how they’re excited to come for it (I study in a different state than my family lives) and that she had no choice in the matter, I don’t know but honestly doubt if this version is true.
She argues that I am causing what was supposed to be a celebration to be painful for her because I am forcing her to uninvite people she is close to and heavily involved in their and their family’s lives and how I am making her so sad etcetera.
We had a video call to talk about it recently and I got angry and straight up called her manipulative. I am feeling bad about it, but I feel I need to stop putting her feelings over mine. So idk, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She can’t have it both ways. There are only two possibilities. 1. Despite her denial, she unilaterally invited them. She did it without discussing it with you and despite you all coordinating the invites. In which case, she deserves the task of uninviting them. 2. They invited themselves, and thus have only themselves to blame for their presumption.
In neither case does the blame fall on you.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“You called her out correctly so, it’s your graduation, if you don’t want them there don’t invite them. But if they insist on showing up, be petty as heck. When they ask your mom questions as if you aren’t there or as if you were suddenly rendered mute answer in 3rd person.
Relatives – “So what is OP going to specialize in?” You – “She’s going to specialize in pediatrics, she really enjoyed her rotation and has decided to make that her focus.” The relatives will be taken back that you can actually speak and your mom will be embarrassed that she never told these mouth breathers that you can speak for yourself. NTJ.” Winter_Raisin_591
Another User Comments:
“No, it’s ok to start adulting and enforcing boundaries. Your mom won’t like it at first, but what she will learn is, that when she tries to push things on you, the consequences can be very awkward, and so she will stop doing that with time if you stay consistent.
It’s your graduation. And you want to respect your parents’ help and financial aid in making all this happen, so they get to choose the majority of guests. That does not mean, you shouldn’t have a say! You said no, to 2 people. 2 – out of 25… You are reasonable, she is not.
So, stand firm, and tell her if this is the lesson she needs to remember not to push decisions on you like this, then that’s ok with you! NTJ.” Silmariel
6. AITJ For Telling My MIL She Has Too Many Dogs And We Don't Enjoy Visiting?
“4 years ago my husband (then partner) and I got a yorkie dog when we met my in-laws adorable yorkie puppy. In-laws went on to get a second and third Yorkie over the course of 2 years.
One day MIL called to say that the female dog is pregnant with 5 puppies and we had to work to convince her that finding new homes for the puppies would be a good idea as opposed to keeping them. She agreed back then. Once the puppies reached maturity she barely tried to advertise them and said that anyone who contacted her “wasn’t a good home”.
We did get one puppy from her bringing the dog count to us, 2 dogs, MIL, 7 dogs. The puppies are now 9 months old and she still has all of them (besides 1).
We’ve tried to deter her from keeping them with scary thoughts of littermate syndrome, inbreeding, and impossible potty training.
She’s “combated” that by getting all 7 dogs neutered/spayed.
Last week we went to visit and had 9 dogs running around the house… and it was complete chaos. She hasn’t been able to potty train the 4 puppies or really do any training due to working outside of the house.
We were able to fully potty train our puppy in 1.5 months. Their daily routine is to come home and grab the mop. You have to be silent at night because one creak of the door will send all her dogs into a barking frenzy. We sat down to have a conversation about the future and she admitted that she never wanted to find new homes for the puppies, she doesn’t care about having to clean up the messes, and she enjoys the company of all 7 dogs.
We told her that we don’t enjoy visiting because she has too many dogs that are not well-behaved. She is always very upset when we bring up the dogs which makes me believe that she knows it’s odd but she digs her feet further into the ground every time.
I understand that some people are okay with having a large amount of dogs but she was never this kind of person before, always a 1-2 dog family. AITJ for telling my mother-in-law that she has too many dogs and we don’t enjoy visiting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is bordering on dog hoarding, which can be really unsafe. And a true animal lover knows that having too many dogs is not only a recipe for a chaotic house but also just straight up an unnecessarily stressful life for the dog.
I wonder if something is going on with her mental health-wise. Could something have shifted in her life around the time these puppies arrived that made it hard for her to let go?” rues_hoodie666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: some people can handle that number of dogs, but if they are making messes and not being properly trained then they are not being good pet owners.
Points for them spaying and neutering, but it was a little late. Tell them from now on you are not visiting and they may not visit you unless their dogs are left at home. It may be time to move to meeting at a local restaurant or one midway if the distance is great.
Depending on where you live, 7 dogs may also be illegal. We are limited to 3 here unless you obtain a kennel license as a breeder or trainer.” SamSovern
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ… her choices have consequences. That said, she’s bonded to all the dogs now and it’s highly unlikely she will rehome them at this point.
I have worked at a veterinary hospital for a decade and can count on one hand the number of people with 3 or more dogs. A few of which were similar people who ended up keeping a few of their dog’s puppies… one family, they ended up with 5 or 6 dogs, and most of them had heart failure at a young age due to genetics which they could not afford to treat.
After 2 dogs it really does become overwhelming for most people to properly afford, train and exercise dogs. They start working in more of a pack mentality. Most people over that number just live in a zoo where the dogs rule and they cut corners and cannot afford vet care.
The number she has sounds like they likely never go out walking which is just sad. Medical conditions when all of these dogs reach old age at the same time, provided she can afford their vet bills, will also be astronomical.” Prestigious_Scars
5. AITJ For Not Visiting My Abusive Father In The Hospital?
“My father and I (27f) have always had a rocky relationship. He was always toxic, abusive, and narcissistic but since my mother wouldn’t divorce him I worked to dissociate from him, and resolve the traumas (since he never apologized) so we could get along at family gatherings.
Well, he hasn’t really improved, so recently I’ve been thinking about going no contact with him regardless, but haven’t decided yet.
He had been struggling with his knee injury in the past year, going from surgery to surgery. For the first time, I went along with my mom and visited him.
A few months ago I had a minor surgery too, nothing too serious but I’ve been scared, he knew when and why I was operated on. He didn’t call me or ask me how I’m doing. Even my mother tried to help by wanting to pay for the taxi for me so I could go home comfortably or offered to take a day out but I gratefully declined.
Now my father is in the hospital again, yesterday he was operated on. He sent me a picture and I just deleted the message. My grandmother called me to visit him since he is again in the hospital but I told her that he didn’t care about me, hadn’t even thanked me for the first visit, so I declined. Now my brother (who also doesn’t like him) called me if I wanted to visit him and said no. He told me that he also got a message from him and sent it over.
It was a picture of the hospital, a map, and a description of how to get there to visit him. Nothing in the text said that he missed us, was afraid, would love to see us, or anything. It was just a description of how to get to him.
I found it ridiculous honestly but now I’m having some kind of anxiety that I should visit him.
Would I be a jerk if I continued not to care about him? I know that he will be angry or even sad but honestly, he was so awful in my childhood, and even my adulthood that I think it’s justified. Anyhow, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way he just sent the pic, map, and description of the hospital to you and your brother without saying anything already confirms what you described of him is true. He’s narcissistic and entitled. He expects you all to visit him in the hospital and takes it for granted. The anxiety you have is most likely due to the internalization of the societal norm that “we should treat our parents nicely”.
But that’s under the condition that our parents love us as well. If your father doesn’t love you, then he is not entitled to your love as well. If he’s angry, he’s angry. Should he confront you, just tell him directly what you’ve felt all this while, make him understand that he can’t have his cake and eat it.” MichaelAllen05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for choosing not to visit your father in the hospital, especially given your difficult history with him and his lack of concern for your well-being. Your well-being matters and no need to feel guilty because you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your own healing process.” VY_Canis_Majorys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but actions have consequences. So if you’re comfortable losing contact with him (sounds like you are) and dealing with some family fallout, you shouldn’t visit. Sometimes, unfortunately, it’s easier to be a bigger person and visit for 10 minutes than dealing with the hours of family drama and repercussions since it sounds like you still want to maintain a good relationship with your mom.
So NTJ, but it’s less clear on whether not visiting is in your best interests long-term.” Bitter_Position_7040
4. AITJ For Getting A Waitress In Trouble After She Ignored Our Table?
“I want to clarify that I’m usually super nice and polite to staff since I’ve worked at plenty of restaurants and retail jobs. I also try to leave at least 20% tip. Also, I noticed that being nice usually gets me better service.
My friend and I were hungry on Thursday and decided to get Mellow Mushroom.
We were quickly seated by the hosts. It looked like the waitress was talking to another table so we decided to look at the menu while we waited. The waitress didn’t even glance at us and walked away. I thought it was weird but assumed she just didn’t see us.
She walked by us to get to the other table with some food. She asked if she could get them anything else, and they said no. She walked by us again without saying anything or making eye contact. I tried to make eye contact, but she walked away briskly.
Ok, definitely weird, considering my friend and I were talking and the music wasn’t too loud.
At this point, we already waited 20 minutes without drinks or ordering food. The next time she came around to check on the other table (30 minutes after we were seated), I stopped her and asked to talk to a manager.
I told the manager that we’d been seated for 30 minutes and had not even been acknowledged by the waitress. The manager told us that he’d talk to the waitress later, gave us food for free, and gave us a gift certificate for the next time.
I didn’t tip anything either.
For those who were wondering, there weren’t any other wait staff around in that section.
My friend thinks I was rude for getting a waitress in trouble and not tipping. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info. Did you confirm that the waitress knew you were her table?
It differs from restaurant to restaurant but sometimes if the hostess doesn’t tell the server they literally have no idea it’s their table. Some restaurants have their waitstaff serve by sections and some don’t. It doesn’t make sense that even a crap server wouldn’t acknowledge you if the table was hers.
Even an ok server would throw out an I’ll be with you in just a minute if they’re slammed.” Cutiekiller2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know that I’d have trusted eating food served by this server you just made a complaint about. Or ever return to use a gift certificate.
Maybe you can sell the gift certificate online? The only time I have seen attitudes like the one your server showed you was at a Denny’s after a work meeting with my coworkers, and they “forgot” the order for the one person who looked Hispanic.
Could racism have been involved with your experience, as well?” theDagman
Another User Comments:
“I mean this depends. Her behavior was really odd so I’m guessing that she didn’t know you were in her section. I’m a waitress at a restaurant. Sometimes our sections are set up really weird.
Sometimes I’ll have a section on the right side of the restaurant, but the host will ask me to “pick up” a table on the left side. Sometimes I have to physically remind my coworkers “hey isn’t table 42 yours? They’ve been waiting a while” and their eyes get big and they go “oh crap!
I didn’t know that was mine.” It’s not common, but it does happen. You should’ve spoken to the waitress first imo. I just have a hard time believing she KNEW you were her section and ignored you, especially since servers only make $2-6 an hour without tips.
I genuinely don’t think her actions were on purpose. But hey, I’ve been wrong before.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Buying My Daughter A New Phone After She Dropped Hers Taking A Photo For My Wife?
“My (44M) family went to see a waterfall last weekend. My wife (43F) likes to take pictures quite literally everywhere, so she asked my daughter (12F) to take her pictures.
Well, we were on the walkway thing when she asked, and my wife made her take a picture from a certain angle, an angle where she was holding her phone off the walkway, and she dropped her phone into the waterfall.
My wife got mad at her for it and said she wasn’t going to get a new one until her next birthday or Christmas (so this upcoming December, OR April of 2025).
I thought that was kind of ridiculous because she dropped it doing something she told her to do. My wife said she should’ve been more careful.
I went to the Apple store on my way back home and bought her a new phone. When my wife found out, she privately, expressed her upset at me through silent treatment and a 10-minute lecture (not an argument) on why she’s right.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter was not being irresponsible with the phone. If anyone was being irresponsible it was your wife for thinking it’s safe to use a phone while straddling a waterfall. It’s easy for anyone to second guess things after the fact of an accident and say “if only this or that” but the main thing here that would’ve been most sensible is to not use a phone while straddling a waterfall.
But that was your wife’s demand and not your daughter’s decision. Good for you papa, not leaving your daughter to pay the price for a risk your wife took. Also if I were your daughter I would conveniently be elsewhere whenever self-obsessed mom needs a photographer in the future.” not_inacult
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with a caveat. You should have talked it over with your wife so you’re on the same page instead of undermining her. Maybe you couldn’t have brought your wife around anyway, but at least she wouldn’t have been blindsided and this becomes a completely different conversation about how you and your wife can find a way to be on the same team when it comes to raising your children.
I agree that your daughter wasn’t being irresponsible and this was an honest mistake. I get paranoid and I always make sure I have a wrist strap attached if I’m using it for other than day-to-day use. (On vacation, with friends where pics will be taken and perhaps drinks will be had, etc.)” Gertrude_D
Another User Comments:
“Look I’m 22 and got an iPhone 13 Pro for Christmas the year it came out and my parents just finished paying it off at Christmas in 2023. Just over a month ago, I got into an accident where I smashed my head in and used my phone on instinct to cover my face.
My phone’s screen wouldn’t turn on and wouldn’t work. My parents although mad understood it was an accident and agreed to get me a new one. As they thought more damage than just the screen was present. When I was twelve I had an iPad.
I broke the screen by recklessly throwing a closed pop can on my bed where the iPad was, overshot it, it hit the iPad and the screen broke. They did not replace the screen until my birthday a few months later because it was a genuine careless mistake that was my fault entirely.
They understood that this time it wasn’t my fault with the accident, but also knew I was genuinely sorry and upset about it. You are NTJ. Your wife is at fault for making her 12-year-old take pictures in a risky space that it could definitely happen in.” Kay0929
2. AITJ For Not Giving My Deceased Husband's Sister The Necklace Made From Our Wedding Rings?
“When I (27F) was 22 I got married to my high school sweetheart who passed away five months after we married when an intoxicated driver drove into his car.
It took me a while to take off my rings, and when I did I didn’t want them to just sit in a drawer forever.
So, I took them to a jeweller and had his and my rings melted down and used the gold and the stones to make a pendant and some small stud earrings. I have the earrings in my jewellery box and I wear the necklace every day.
One, because I like the way it looks and two because I like the idea of having a tangible part of him with me always.
Last month my partner (34M) of almost two years proposed to me and I said yes.
I keep in touch with my former SIL (29F) who we will call Ava and last weekend she invited me out for drinks.
We caught up a bit before she congratulated me on my engagement. She then asked me if she could have my necklace since it would mean more to her as his sister than it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on.
Which honestly stunned me that anyone would outright ask for something like that. I told her I would think about it and moved the conversation along but went home shortly after as it was just awkward. I just want to make it clear that it is not an heirloom piece, or overly expensive.
It was a small emerald ring that we found on holiday at a local jeweller and I fell in love with it.
I told my best friend (F28) about it and she said that it seemed strange that I was still so attached to it given its history and my new engagement.
She thinks that I should probably give it to Ava as it would mean more to her, and I should shed anything from my old life and embrace my new one. She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories and that she would go with me or I could ask my fiancé.
But the thing is yes, I have moved on, and I am completely happy in my relationship and I am so excited for the life we are creating together. But a part of me will always have love for my former husband and mourn him and the life that we could have had together, and I don’t think that that takes away anything from my new relationship.
They are different loves and lives.
But now it feels silly to me that I have conveyed all this into a necklace.
My fiancé says he does not care and he knows that I love him and our life together, and understands that I will always have some level of grief and that he loves how I have loved and keep loving and how I embrace life and people because of my experience.
So AITJ for not wanting to give my former SIL my necklace?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. The necklace is yours and it is wildly inappropriate for your former sister-in-law to ask for it. “It would mean more to her as his sister than it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on.” That’s ridiculous.
I’m sure she has other things that remind her of her brother. Of course, they’re probably not jewels… but she has no connection to the ones in the necklace as you and he picked them out together. “She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories.” I see nothing wrong with hanging on to a memento of someone who helped make you who you are.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Do not give her the necklace. This means nothing to her as she has no real memories attached to it, but you do. You and your husband picked up that ring, on a vacation that you took together, in a moment where the stars aligned. It was not just a ring and not just a pendant.
It is part of your life, and it holds both the happiest and the saddest parts of it. And all of that made you who you are now. Your fiance understands that without all these life experiences, you two might not even be together right now.
He doesn’t deny your past and the existence of someone you loved and that you carry him with you. Don’t start now, just because others think you can just erase the past.” time-watertraveler
Another User Comments:
“No way! You are totally correct that you can move forward in a relationship and hold on to memories and tokens of those memories with former loved ones, passed or not.
That is life. And the only person whose feelings you need to even remotely consider understands. It’s not your deceased husband’s family heirloom, so why would your shared WEDDING rings suddenly mean more to her – or anyone outside that marriage besides children of that marriage – than yours??!!
I’m baffled at the mental gymnastics happening here in your friend and your SIL’s heads. NTJ.” Cool-change-1994
1. AITJ For Not Making The Sides When My Mom Fell Asleep?
“My (16) mom said she was lying down, so I thought she was just resting her eyes. My stepdad was making chicken and turkey on the grill and I went and asked him what was happening with the sides.
He said my mom was making the sides. Well, she never did because she fell asleep, apparently. I didn’t know that.
So apparently, that meant I was supposed to make the sides, but I was told someone, aka my mom, was doing the sides, and then she yelled at me for being lazy and not making the sides.
So then she yelled at me, saying, “You’re 16. You need to learn to take initiative.” So I started to make the carrots because they needed prep then she yelled, saying the carrots would take so long (20 minutes) but still put them in the oven and we were gonna have rice.
The rice would take longer than the carrots (rice normally takes like 30-40 minutes) so I thought ok that means no rice so I go back to sitting. Then she yells about how I couldn’t even do the freaking rice and said she couldn’t even look at me and sent me to my room.
Then she started loudly complaining about how the carrots didn’t have enough butter, and she probably knew I could hear because the walls are just drywall in our house (our house is kind of like a Mobile home).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds emotionally abusive.
Just expecting you to read her mind and then verbally abusing you when you fail to do so. Stepdad is not a prize either he should have stuck up for you and explained that he told you the sides were already handled. Also, depends on the family, but my daughters were not expected to cook for the family unless it was a special occasion or they offered, and the expectation was always clear.
Do you have access to mental health counseling at school or in the community? Might be a good idea to talk to someone about the home situation and get some support.” RhiannonNana
Another User Comments:
“Just, like, I don’t know. LOL. There’s just so much fuss over something of so little consequence.
Was there not like a can of corn or some other veg that could have been opened and served? Some tomatoes in the fridge? I mean, if your parents are so inflexible, I cannot imagine what it must be like for you day in and day out.
NTJ of course. You asked about the rest of the meal, which was thoughtful. Just stay away from your mother as much as you can. She has no self-control, apparently. And your father just lets her go on like that.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Wait, so you knew your mom was lying down but didn’t question it when your step-father said your mother was making the sides?
Why didn’t you say “Mom is currently lying down” or explain to your step-father that she’s clearly not making the sides? NTJ here, as it’s not really a jerk move on your part. However, there’s a point to be made that you were being incredibly stupid here.
You knew your mom was asleep, but still didn’t intervene after being told she was cooking. How did you expect her to cook while she was lying down? Why didn’t you go double-check with her after your dad said she was cooking? Instead, you did nothing.
Although your mom was the jerk for how she addressed the issue, you had the ability to rectify the situation by thinking about it logically, and you failed to do so. You weren’t a jerk, but you were stupid.” Swagaroni_
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