People Try To Turn Things Around In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Give All Of My Money To Fund My Parents’ Startup?
“We are a family of 4 and my parents want to open a company. They will need a lot of money for different expenses and they asked me (M16) and my sister, who’s 11, to give the money we will receive from our grandfather (who isn’t feeling so well) to them (an amount of 500 euros).
I said that I will give away 250, so I can also have money for my personal purposes, whilst my sister said she will give all of it. Apparently, that was a selfish act of me and after that, came a discussion about how they don’t want the money anymore and that it doesn’t matter anyways (it did).
My dad didn’t get involved and he didn’t seem to care about it but my mom overreacted a bit.
So, AITJ for not wanting to give ALL my money to them?”
Another User Comments:
“That’s weird. 1000 euros is not enough money to open a company with, unless they want to run a lemonade stand.
It’s also not a large enough amount that you would need to get money from your kids. Borrow when coming up short one month maybe, but they should be able to return that money in a few months anyway, 1000€ is the average monthly salary where I’m from.
And it’s our monthly expenses and we’re a family of 3. If their business success hinges on such a small amount of money, they do something wrong. NTJ anyway, your money, your rules. You should save this money for when you will want to start living on your own.
And it’s not even your money yet. Waiting for some money that your sick relative promised to your kids leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And I sincerely hope that it’s your grandpa wanting to spoil you with money while he’s still alive, that they’re not waiting for him to die to grab your inheritance.” Quirellmort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they should have never asked for you to contribute at all. You would own no part in the company. You are a minor and unable to invest, so they would be using you. Your mom asking her minor child to give start-up money for her business is predatory.
It would be hard for you. Not without feeling guilty or being afraid of your mom getting angry. So you compromise instead of saying no, and she gets angry.” One-Possibility1178
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – do not give your money to your parents. If they need to take money from their kids for their business, then they aren’t ready to own a business.
I suggest telling your grandfather that your parents want to take the money he gives to you and your sister. Perhaps ask him to give the money to a trusted relative to hold it for you instead. Then when you’re older, you can put the funds in a bank account in your own name.
If you can open a bank account with your grandfather, that would be a good option as well.” Melodic-Yak7196
21. AITJ For Telling My Partner His Brother's Partner Is Just A Gold Digger?
“I (m23) have been with my partner (m20) for more than a year now and we have a very solid relationship with each other’s family. Recently, his brother A (m15) entered a relationship with a girl he liked. It was OK at the beginning however, things got out of hand later on.
A studies and works and on summer vacation he mostly works and almost all his money goes to his partner. I really didn’t think much of it until a family dinner where she made a crude joke saying “if he didn’t have money, she wouldn’t be with him”.
After that, it became very clear that she only wanted him for the money to the point where he had to pay for anything she asked for, even a full trip for her and her parents.
Recently he’s been asking me for money since I had a very good promotion and I gave it to him but now every week he’s been asking for more.
He recently asked me for $2000, which got me back because why did he need that much money. I asked him and he said he just needed it to pay for some problems. We talked for a bit and he ended up saying it’s to buy his partner and her mom a new expensive phone they requested. I told him that maybe he hasn’t realized that she’s a gold digger and is just taking advantage of him.
This ended up in an argument that he is really in love and that she really loves him and all that and called me a jerk for calling his partner like that. My partner said I did the right thing but must use better words instead of saying it directly.
I just thought he needed to know before actually doing something stupid. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“…I’m sorry, he’s 15 and paying for another family’s trip(s) and a phone for a teenager and her darn mother?!! Never mind his partner, what the heck is wrong with her mother?!!
As for you…eh, given their age(s) and that he’s asking you for money, I’d say NTJ but honestly, this is about as far as you can really go without being one. If you were to keep bringing it up or “try” to make him see reason, then you would be but for now, nope.
Honestly, it’s on him (and maybe his family prodding him along) to see what’s happening.” Hodgepodgehedge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell his parents, and have a serious talk with him that he is being taken advantage of!! This entire relationship isn’t consensual. She’s deceiving him and that could lead to worse things.
She doesn’t truly love him; no gold digger does. Please OP, talk to him and his parents.” 48291919
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Stop funneling money through him to his grasping partner. And since he’s a minor, you need to talk about your concerns with his parents!
What she’s asking of him is ridiculous, and I don’t see why your partner is just sitting by watching this too.” ParsimoniousSalad
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Mom's Funeral Costs?
“This happened six months ago but my family still won’t talk to me because of it.
I hadn’t talked to my mom for twenty years, or her whole side of the family for that matter. She passed away last October and my brother, who I hadn’t heard from in years, calls to tell me they need seven thousand dollars from me for the funeral. I’m extremely poor and on benefits for psychiatric issues, I live on $800 a month.
I told him I don’t have any money, so he and my aunt repeatedly call me over and over leaving nasty voicemails until I blocked their numbers.
How much of an obligation did I have here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not spoke to my mother in 9 years after she told me “she never loved me and wished I had died when I was supposed to (at birth).” When she died my family tried to tap me up to pay for the funeral – I sent $350 to cover the cost of a pauper’s funeral. Not spoken to the family since.
Well rid of them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had no obligation here. You might have thrown in an “I don’t recognize your voice, I don’t know who you are” to both of them. Let me ask you a question: do you know for sure that your mother is dead, and that there was a funeral?
I saw your comment saying your brother is an addict. This really does sound like that behaviour.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are living on benefits, they have no right to ask you for anything. If you had received an inheritance and they were asking you to put part of that towards the funeral, it might be a different situation.
But the facts are simple. You were not a part of the planning and never agreed to pay for something you could not afford. Your limited means were not taken into consideration when they made the expense decisions. You cannot just spend huge amounts of money and expect others to cover the expense without consulting them.
My guess is this is why you stayed away in the first place.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Holding My Place In Line Despite A Woman’s Demands?
“I was shopping for some groceries for my mum and whilst waiting in a queue a woman said excuse me and I assumed she was with the customer in front of me so got out her way, I heard her say something about managing to get her card working in her car to the cashier.
I wasn’t really paying attention and she must have been told to go to the back of line behind me. I still hear her talking but didn’t know it was to me until she snapped excuse me like I was ignoring her. She said something about having to leave the shop to go to her car and come back to pay for her shopping which is behind the counter.
I knew what she meant because the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago, the card reader wouldn’t read my phone. It was the tone and assumption that put me off, I just said “ok” and turned away and stayed in the queue.
As I was leaving she approached me and said “I don’t think you understood. I was trying to pay for my shopping.” I said, “I know, same thing happened to me but I just waited in the queue.”
My partner said I was being mean when I told her, then she said by the way we need some stuff for the house so I had to go to the shops again same company but closer to home and whilst waiting in the queue I noticed the bread I picked up was near its sell by date so I asked if I could swap it and had to sprint back to the end of the store for another loaf and back but nobody was waiting to be served.
Couldn’t help but think this is instant karma for me being a jerk to that lady, so here I am, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have had the sense to get back in the queue to begin with. There was no reason you or other shoppers should be inconvenienced because she had an issue with her card.
Her shopping wasn’t going anywhere.” cheekmo_52
Another User Comments:
“INFO: This has happened to me before. The cashier has always said to skip the line and just go back to them. Do you know if this was the case here?” NotHisRealName
Another User Comments:
“I routinely let people go ahead of me at the store if they are elderly or have a few items. You weren’t obliged to let the customer go but it wasn’t the end of the world either.” laude_nam
18. AITJ For Making My Cousins Pay For A Broken Ornament?
“I (18 F) just moved in with my uncle after losing my mother. I’m still living out of suitcases as I don’t have a room yet and all my stuff gets left in there.
Today, I found out my younger cousins (12 M and 9 F) got into my suitcases and took some of my snacks out. When I went to check to see if they had messed with anything else, I discovered they had broken a Jack Skellington Hallmark ornament my partner’s mother had gotten me for Christmas.
Obviously being very upset about this, I asked them and eventually, they did admit they broke it while going through there. This suitcase in particular didn’t have a lot in it and the ornament had been wrapped up in a few shirts to protect it.
With the way they broke it, there’s no real way to fix it and it looking right, so after discussing it with my uncle we both agreed that they would be doing extra chores to help pay for it as getting a new one will be over $100.
When we told them this, they flipped out and said I was being mean and unfair. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your uncle agreeing with you is the clue here: your cousins are mad because they got caught and punished for being disrespectful and careless of your space and your possessions.
Naturally this will upset them but it’s good parenting from your uncle to help them see the value of what they broke and to understand that carelessness carries a cost that they will have to compensate for. You took the mature route here and discussed with your uncle instead of just losing your temper and yelling at them, this outcome is entirely reasonable.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your uncle is doing them a favor by teaching them responsibility. This wasn’t some random accident where they accidentally broke something. They deliberately violated your privacy to steal food AND also deliberately must have played with the ornament because it wouldn’t have been broken if they hadn’t deliberately unwrapped it and handled it carelessly.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“First, I’m so sorry about your mum. I’m glad you have such a fair and caring uncle, and I hope that life stabilises for you in time. Second, NTJ. Third, I hope that your relationship with your cousins smooths out. A small suggestion: you’ve only just moved in, you’ll probably be living with them for a while, and they’re young kids.
You’re dealing with A LOT right now. They’re adjusting to a new person in their home. It’s far less than you’re going through, but it probably still feels big to them. In the interests of a good relationship, it might be good to offer to help with a few of those chores they’ve been assigned. There’s no reason you have to, but it might avoid resentment, especially if those chores go on for weeks or longer.
Just a thought – feel free to ignore! And please be kind to yourself.” wheresWoozle
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For An Expensive Wedding Trip After A Cheap Bachelor Party?
“Before I got married last year, my side of the bridal party had planned a trip for my bachelor party.
From the start, my best man was complaining about the cost of things being too much and that he couldn’t afford it even though per person the trip was about $250. We ended up staying in town and just going out for a night out. The whole time we were out he was complaining about things costing too much and spent maybe $50-70 the whole night.
I kept saying it was ok and that we didn’t need to spend a bunch of money to have a good time and we did.
Now, fast forward and I am the best man for his wedding. He wants to do an out-of-state trip that is going to cost over $500-700 a person.
I currently have a baby on the way. AITJ if I tell him that I’m not spending that much and that it’s not fair of him to expect me to pay that when he wouldn’t even come close for mine?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend set the precedent, so you’re off the hook.
That being said, you probably should consider what will bring you happiness in the long term. You have the perfect get-out-of-jail-free card, but it doesn’t mean that you’re going to be happier if you match what he did tit-for-tat. Definitely the details matter here. Was your friend really strapped for cash at the time?
Are you? Is your friend an entitled jerk? Do you want to stay friends with this person? If I were you, I would go over the two scenarios in detail, and figure out which path is going to bring me the most happiness. In any case, know that no matter which path you take, you’re NTJ.” Cartwright_James
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, the whole story about your bachelor party could have been completely left out. He’s asking you to spend $500 to $700 on his bachelor party, which you don’t want to spend. You are under no obligation to spend anything that you don’t want to.
That being said, the story about your bachelor party does give you the perfect excuse if you want to use it. Your friend was definitely a jerk for complaining the entire night, and making you change your plans because he didn’t want to spend the money.” Subject-Reference309
Another User Comments:
“I have people in my life that do this kind of thing. For their birthdays, I splurge. For my birthdays, they fret over cost (even when I scale down expectations to, say, a basic fast food lunch). Cost is no longer a worry for them when it’s something they want.
The thing is, I don’t think they are consciously aware they are doing this. It’s like they can’t see the double standard. You are NTJ. I would just make sure you are not trying to settle the score with him on some level. If your friendship is really worth it, have an honest conversation about what has happened so he can be aware in the future, but if you can afford it, go and have a good time.
After that, don’t let the pattern continue if he tries to pull the same crap.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Insisting On Proportional Expense Sharing Despite His New High Salary?
“My (26m) fiancé (23m) and I have been living together for just under 2 years.
During the first year we were together, my fiancé was a student and was living off of their student finance as they were entitled to the full amount.
I had just finished university and began working full-time. At the time because the amount we had coming in was so disproportionate, we agreed to each pay what we could dependent on our in-take – I would pay more rent/bills as I was earning well over double his student finance provided. (My partner tried to work part-time but struggled due to dissertation, deadlines which was fine and I fully supported him focusing on his education).
Doing this we had a conversation about future finances and both agreed we would want us both to have money to enjoy our lives regarding future salary and income and we agreed that we’d contribute proportionate to our income. This was fine and we’re both happy as it meant we could both still enjoy our lives, treat ourselves, each other and the people we care about and have our own savings.
Since he’s finished university my fiancé has been working part-time at a bar picking up between 20-30 hours per week – it’s a struggle to find work without experience and even entry level jobs require 1-2 years experience in some industries (it’s ridiculous) so he’s been struggling to find full-time work.
This for me was fine, he was able to contribute more but I overall still contributed the most. Again I didn’t mind because of our agreement and understanding.
Fast-forward to today my partner might be landing an incredibly well-paid job that puts him above my income by several grand a year.
We’re just waiting on documentation to come back and then it’ll be good to go. I brought up having to reconfigure our contributions again in a jokey manner as it’s a lot of figuring out, but of course it’s what we agreed and I’ve been following through on that for the past 2 years.
My fiancé seemed perplexed by this. He said he didn’t like the idea of that as he’d finally be earning a full-time salary and wanted to enjoy his money and said we should just each pay half from now on. I explained how I’d been supporting him for 2 years on our agreed way of life and how comfortable he was when I was paying more and how hypocritical it is of him to go back on his word when it’s not in favour of him.
He responded by saying I’m a narcissist and that I’m only interested in his money, which isn’t true since I’ve been living quite frugally in order to ensure he wasn’t without for the past 2 years. He thinks I’m the jerk.
So AITJ because I want him to honour our original agreement that I’ve been following through for the past 2 years with?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Proportionality is literally the fairest division. And the fact that he called you a narcissist over this is concerning to me. Also that he’s saying he won’t be able to enjoy his money at all… like, does he not realize then that it’s even worse for you, who is paying more and earning less?
OP, assuming you want to continue this relationship, I’d sit down and crunch some numbers. Maybe offer him a settlement: he can back pay you for his half of *all* expenses to date & divide things evenly from here on out, or he can pay future expenses based on percentage, and just see what he says.” TriZARAtops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your position seems pretty reasonable. For some reason, your partner sees it differently. I think you should sit down and ask him why it was okay for you to pay more than 50% when you made more, but not for him to pay more than 50% when he makes more.
If he says he wants to finally enjoy making money, you should have empathy, but insist that you need to come up with a way of doing that that doesn’t unfairly penalize you for the burden of carrying the family. Perhaps you could change the ratios of money that go into household vs personal funds and revise both of them so that there’s less household savings and more money for fun for a few months, living large while saving less than you could to allow both of you to enjoy this new surplus?
It’s important to help him see that while you’re really happy for him, and you acknowledge how liberating this must feel, it also feels like he’s dismissing your long hard work to support the household while he trained.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My partner makes about 30,000 more than I do.
We don’t do a 50/50 format. I pay less in rent, but offset that with paying for the groceries. We’re moving, and I’ll be paying the utilities as well as a lesser part of the rent. But I recently added him to my health insurance so he said to move the electricity over to him.
To keep things fair. He has a degree and I do not. He knows if we did 50/50 I would have less to save/spend on myself for school and personal stuff. He is also aware of how much he has left despite paying a tad bit more than me.
He’s able to allocate his savings and spending just as efficiently. I’d say do the math and show him how much you’re left with after everything you pay for and provide your financial goals with him. If he loves you, he should be willing to help you achieve your financial goals.
If not, I’d say save your pennies girl and let him face the burden of paying for stuff on his own. Then he’d really wouldn’t have anything left… Err not the amount he’d want left.” blueoceana_
15. AITJ For Taking The Blame So My Partner Could Avoid Confrontation With Her Family?
“Due to some personal issues with her family, my partner doesn’t want to attend an important family event. It’s a long-running serious problem, but my partner doesn’t want to go NC or cause the nuclear explosion that a confrontation with her family would cause.
I don’t care about these people, I only tolerate them for her sake. So I offered for her to blame not coming to the event on me. The fact that “my partner doesn’t want to go so I can’t” is an excuse that her family finds acceptable is part of my issue with them.
Our friends have been wanting her to confront her family over the issue. I agree but don’t want to pressure her on this. Our friends are saying I shouldn’t be giving her an easy out like this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are very sweet to take the heat.
Your friends have an agenda. I don’t disagree that she should confront her family at some point but it needs to be in her timing, when she’s comfortable doing so. You aren’t “giving her an easy out”; you are being supportive. NTJ.” BengalBBQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are supporting your partner with what she wants. Going NC, especially if it will cause a nuclear explosion within the family, is so bloody hard to do. This is your partner’s decision, not your friends or yours. It is your job to support her with any decision she makes.
If using you is an easy out for her that doesn’t require putting her through a lot of stress, use it. Tell your friends that it isn’t their life or their family and while you appreciate their concern, it isn’t their decision and they need to let her make her own choices.” HearingStunning
Another User Comments:
“As someone who is in this situation, I think you are very much NTJ and a wonderful partner! Please continue to support your partner as you both go through this. It is so difficult to confront and even avoid family such as you describe in your post. Years of thinking that their behavior is the norm really messes with your mind so please continue to be patient and supportive with your partner as I am sure you will.
Best of luck to you both in your relationship and in her difficult situation.” distresseddodo
14. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Stop Feeding Her Dog My Chicken Fajita Mix?
“My roommate and I are the ones who provide groceries for the house. She has been eating, on average, ten meals a day and devouring most of the protein and giving her leftovers to the dog. This was fine, if she’s eating the same portion as us and giving part of her equal portion to the dog, whatever, her choice.
However, I just bought two types of meat for the fridge and she took it upon herself to make a social media reel of her dog eating all of my chicken mixture for fajitas.
I feel so petty bringing this up, but I’ve already offered to use my link card to buy her dog a proper raw diet and she swears she can handle that herself, yet she takes what little protein I buy (or more, if I buy more) for herself and hoarks down a whopping 5,000+ calories a day.
What am I to do? Am… Am I the jerk here?
(P.S. for clarification I am not eating 500 calories a day on purpose. I will eat a full 2000 a day if the food to do so is present, but towards midweek, we all begin to ration.
I’m also recovering from binge eating disorder and trying my best to lose weight by consuming mostly protein and veggies/fruit that isn’t too intensely calorie-rich.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone else who struggles with binge eating disorder, it’s so important to create boundaries with our food.
You shouldn’t feel compelled to overeat because someone else will eat all your food if you don’t. Someone in another comment talked about pre-portioning out the food and I think this is a great idea. It will allow you to eat without worrying about backsliding and it will give her the guidelines and boundaries of what is a fair division of food.
Congratulations on taking the steps needed to recover and reframe your relationship with food.” DramaBrat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But really, stop sharing groceries like this. It is one thing to share condiments, eggs, butter, etc, but if you spend $15 on the fixings for some fajitas, why the heck is anyone else touching that stuff while it is in the fridge?
I could see asking to share some of the cooked meal, but to eat (or feed a pet) the core ingredient–who does that? I think you need to establish some grocery boundaries with your roommates. ALSO, this is horribly unhealthy for her dog. Bad pet owner.” holierthanmao
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My concern would also be her feeding the dog the fajita mix if it has spices in it. Some spices/additives are bad for dogs, so she could poison her dog and blame you. The house should not be buying dog food or anything she is for dog food, that’s on her.” holisarcasm
13. AITJ For Snapping Back At My JW Mom Over Apocalyptic Threats?
“The other day, I had a civil conversation with my grandfather about religion. He’s a Jehovah’s Witness. I am an atheist but grew up as a JW. I was really happy with how the conversation went, so when Mum and I were talking on the phone later that day, I decided to tell her about said conversation.
Mum is a Jehovah’s Witness and we talk about religion all the time. She knows I hate the cult she’s in, but we always have great discussions about religion.
I told her about the talk I had with my grandfather and she kinda just lost it at me.
She said “it’s gonna be real funny when Jehovah comes and he kills you.” Her friend was in the background laughing and egging her on.
I was shocked, so I said “it’s gonna be funny when god never comes and you die of old age.”
She then hung up on me. It’s been 2 weeks, and she’s still not talking to me as she thinks I’m evil for what I said. I was defending myself because what she said hurt me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ex-JW myself, brought up in it, believed it, woke up & left in my 30s.
My “elder” dad went through a phase of demeaning my current agnostic stance so I finally blew up at him, told him he can believe all the fairy tales he wants but to leave me out of it. I got the silent treatment for a few days but we’re now at a better place.
He’ll sometimes bang on about the wonders of creation & I’ll answer with examples of nasty parasites & we’ll have a laugh & keep it cordial. He also told me when I was a kid that I’d never go to high school “in this system”.
LOL I’m nearly 50.” Nicky_Sixpence
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just keep in mind that shunning is their main form of manipulation in order to ostracize and wear you down in order to suck you back in. Your mother’s friend has no dog in this fight, so her encouraging your mother is not going to impact her in any capacity other than to be able to run back to the elders and use it as a bragging point of devotion.” spunkyginger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not going to turn this into a JW bashing reply, but, if the end times hit in full bloom, she would be up the creek without a paddle. If you want to tick her off, go to the sections of Revelations that speak of the 144,000 and ask her why she doesn’t believe what the Bible says(it is the one thing that drives me nuts about JW, is their doctrine on that matter, because it is literally the clearest most explained thing in the Bible with zero wiggle room for error in what it is talking about.).” Legitimate-Review-56
12. AITJ For Not Inviting My Casual Co-Worker To My Wedding?
“I (28F) am getting married in a couple of months, and my fiancé and I are keeping the guest list small—just close friends and family.
I work with someone (30F), who I’ve been friendly with at work but never hung out with outside the office. She heard about my wedding through mutual coworkers and seemed upset that she didn’t get an invite.
She made a comment like, “I thought we were friends,” which made me feel bad, but I honestly didn’t think our relationship warranted an invite.
Now some coworkers are saying I should’ve invited her since we work closely together.
Am I the jerk for not including her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would never expect any kind of invitation to an “event” of a co-worker. The only time I have ever gone to a wedding of a co-worker was when I had a very strong “outside” relationship with that person – i.e. we saw each other socially outside of work and our relationship continued even when we no longer worked at the same company.
It doesn’t matter if the wedding is large or small it is not a reasonable expectation. As an aside, I have no idea why someone actually wants to go to a wedding of a casual acquaintance. I honestly would be relieved not to get an invitation.” laurazhobson
Another User Comments:
“Did you invite the other coworkers who told her? So she was one of the few left out? If so, I would handle this carefully. I would pull her aside and say you do consider her a friend. However, since the two of you had never hung out together outside of work, you thought the pressure of a wedding invite being your first outside work event would be too much.
After all, you would be so busy that the two of you would not have a chance to speak beyond a greeting. You didn’t want her to feel awkward. You would prefer to hang out when your world settles and the two of you can have fun.” Traditional_Fan_2655
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I’ll tell you an even cringier story… Many years ago at my current workplace, co-worker Anna invited some of her work friends to her 3-year-old kid’s birthday party. She didn’t invite me, which was fine because it was a freaking birthday party for a kid and I’d pay money NOT to go to one of those.
However, co-worker Thomas who had been hired a month before me and was most definitely not even a work friend to Anna, got literally whiney about not being invited and wormed his way into going to the kid’s party. Thomas resigned rather than be fired within a year under some dodgy circumstances.
The last thing I heard about him was that he was getting himself arrested for insurance fraud. So I guess where I’m going with all that is that co-workers who try to whine their way into your non-work events are probably going to be trouble down the line and should be nipped in the bud.” South-Ad-9635
11. AITJ For Being Upset Over A Missed Phone Date In A Long Distance Relationship?
“I’ve been with my partner for a little over 7 months, it is a long-distance relationship; we are about 3 hours away (by plane). We often have small phone dates just to cope with the fact of being far from each other, we were supposed to have a phone date yesterday and right about the time I asked if she was ready she told me that she was just going to clean up real quick because she was babysitting her niece the next day.
I waited for her for around 2 hours and then she apologized and said it was going to take her a little bit more, to which I said no problem (she still lives with her mom and sisters and I know they are messy and don’t clean up after themselves).
Another hour passed, it was around 11 pm by that moment and I had to wake up at 5 for work so I just said I was going to sleep, I figured in the morning I would have a text with some kind of apology for not answering anymore.
I woke up to no text from her, I didn’t make a big deal out of it; I figured she must have been tired. When she texted me it was just a regular good morning text and she didn’t even acknowledge the fact that we were supposed to have a date and just vanished while cleaning.
I tried to understand and continued texting her until about an hour into talking about the plans for the day I realized I was getting a bit annoyed and told her that. She went on a rant about how she was just tired and fell asleep and that I was making a big deal and it was not a crime to fall asleep.
I dropped the whole thing, she was kinda MIA during the day cause of the whole taking care of her niece thing, I understood she was busy. She, however said would make it up to me tonight, she was just going out for a drink with some friends and would be back no later than midnight.
About 2 hours ago, I got a text from her apologizing for not being able to talk to me during the day and that we could fix stuff tomorrow. I feel like she just stood me up for two days straight and have an honest reason to be kinda annoyed about it, am I overreacting?
Should I press on the issue or just drop it?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes a long-distance relationship sounds tough. Did you message your mutual friend to check on her whereabouts? If so, you could put her off with that kind of behaviour. Also, the first time she didn’t call, is this a regular thing?
Sounds like she explained that she was busy and it just got too late for you so maybe she didn’t feel the need to apologise as she was probably intending on calling. Then 2nd time, I mean maybe she wasn’t keen to call you cos she felt like it wouldn’t be a positive experience?
My advice is to let it go and hopefully have a nice conversation tomorrow! If this does continue though… she may be losing interest. But this doesn’t sound like a regular thing soooo maybe best to chill out if you really like the girl.” zukella1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Long-distance relationships are hard. Really, really hard. But things like these happen, and if you trust her, then it shouldn’t be a problem. I was in a long-distance relationship for 3 years (15-17 hour flight, 7 timezones apart) and if you can’t accept that this might happen sometimes, I’m sorry to say that the relationship might not last. Sooner or later, you will accidentally do the same thing.
If you let a missed call or two get to you, you will make it even harder for yourself. The “good part” is that from my experience (and from other friends who have had LDR) is that you are basically in the hardest phase right now.
Months 6 until month 12 or so are when your patience will really be put to the test. In the beginning, it’s fairly easy since you’re still new at it and haven’t really understood what it means. After a year or so, you’ve realized how hard it is and come to accept that this is a part of making it work and your relationship will become more solid than ever, because you both work so hard and sacrifice things for each other because you love each other.
However! It will be worth it in the end. My LDR turned into a marriage in the end and we’ve now been married for 10 years. You get a different perspective from a LDR, and if you can make it through that, you can make it through anything.
I hope you get to see each other soon. Just stay strong and focus on the endgame, so to speak. Sorry if some of this is strangely worded. English isn’t my first language, so I hope it makes sense and can give you some comfort.” VegetableReward5201
Another User Comments:
“She sounds like she’s taking your phone dates less seriously than you are. But if she’s busy, you should either postpone to another night or set a time two hours later and if she can’t make that time, then you tell her you’ll pass on talking for that night.
I think it’s unrealistic to ask someone to chat after being out with friends, you and she should both have said that won’t work and scheduled a chat the next night. She should have apologized the next morning after falling asleep. If she lay down to sleep or on the couch, why couldn’t she text you then?
Sounds like neither of you is the jerk but do think if you are her priority or if it’s just she’s busy for a few days and you need to let her be on her own when she’s busy.” HorseygirlWH
10. AITJ For Locking Up My Collectibles To Prevent My Nephew From Damaging Them?
“I (25F) and my husband (25M) are big gamers and collectors. We have an entire room in our house dedicated to having a shared space to play games.
On the end wall, we have a shelf where we keep our game figures we like to collect, figures like old Skylanders and Disney Infinity figures. We are currently working on completing both of these sets.
My sister who we’ll call “Jane” (23F) and her son/my nephew who we can call “Tommy” (6F) live two states over, which means when they come to visit, they have to stay with my husband and me.
I repeatedly tell Jane and Tommy that the figures in the game room are not to be touched as they are collectibles in the works. Jane brushed this off and let Tommy play with these figures against my request. It wasn’t until Tommy broke the head off of my Violet from “The Incredibles” figure due to her neck being very thin compared to the size of her head, that Jane finally scolded Tommy for touching my figures.
This upset me so much that I had to lock myself in my bedroom to cool off. All is well, as my husband surprised me with a new one for my birthday the month following.
Once they headed back home from my house after Thanksgiving, I decided I needed to take the extra step if my wishes could not be followed. I went on Amazon and bought a large glass display case with a lock on the doors, like a trophy case you would see in a school.
I neatly arranged the Skylanders, Disney Infinity figures, and Amilbos all on their own shelves. Since it is around Christmastime, my sister has once again come to stay in home with my nephew. It was to his very unpleasant surprise when he entered our game room to see this newly locked display case.
He begged me to open it so he can play with the figures and I repeatedly told him about all of the other games he could play.
Jane says I’ve gone too far purchasing a large display case for my “toys” so I can, as she puts it, “lock up the one thing Tommy enjoys playing with when he visits.” She also has our mother on her side, calling me to tell me to stop “bullying my nephew.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t have to stay with you. There are hotels, so if the fact that you lock up your collectibles after her children get into them after being told not to do that offends her so deeply, she and her family can stay in one.
You don’t owe her child the privilege of playing with your collectibles. In her forties. My eldest sister got into Barbies in a big way. In her guest bedroom, she had a triple shelf that held well over a dozen Barbies, all in-the-box. She told me that she didn’t have to worry about me messing with her Barbies because I didn’t like dolls as a child, but when friends with children came over, she had to lock the room to keep children away from them.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your sister that the fact you and your husband put them up doesn’t mean she makes the decisions in your household. You made some simple requests and she failed to uphold them. So your options are either withdraw the invitation or lock up your collectibles.
You don’t care that her son likes to play with them. He broke one, and your husband, not her, paid for the replacement. She should be frankly ashamed at taking advantage of your hospitality while telling her child to abuse it. I mean he knows you don’t want him to play with them but because Mummie dearest told him it was OK, he ran straight to them.
If your house is so boring, he can bring toys from home or they can stay in a hotel.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“So your sister is saying since she doesn’t understand your interests, it doesn’t matter to her. She doesn’t have to understand; she has to remember she is a guest in your home and with that comes a responsibility to respect your boundaries.
Tell your mother and sister you are going to have your nephew destroy what is important to them on a materialistic level. Does your mother have a favorite purse; if so, you are going to encourage little Tommy to destroy it since you couldn’t care less about purses.
Does your sister have an item that has sentimental value to her; if so, you are going to encourage little Tommy to destroy that also because her sentimental item isn’t sentimental to you. Your mom and your sister can’t put themselves in your place. Force them to by asking how they would feel if something they treasured was ruined by little Tommy when you were watching him and then ridicule what he ruined because it has no value to you.
Your sister and your mother are selfish. NTJ.” Kmia55
9. AITJ For Refusing To Hang Out With My Partner After Suspecting Bed Bugs?
“My partner (F25) and I (M27) were having lunch together when the topic of fleas came up. Lately, she’s been having problems with random bites on her inner thigh. She thinks her dog has been bringing fleas into the house.
So a quick Google search I compared her flea bites to the photos on Google and they didn’t really match up. After I decided to Google bed bug bites. The resemblance of the bed bug bites and her bites were a bit closer than fleas.
Now here is where I think I’m the jerk. I then told her if she has bed bugs I can’t be anywhere near her or else they will jump on my clothes and I will bring them home. She did not like my answer and proceeded to tell me that I didn’t love her, made her feel gross, and was pushing her away.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – BUT before I get jumped on, let me explain. You would not be the jerk for putting a stop to spending physical time around your partner IF she actually has bedbugs at her place. But you immediately leaped to handling the situation poorly based on Dr. Google instead of any actual infestation proof.
Bedbugs are awful. AWFUL. A serious and expensive issue. You’re 100% in the clear on your opinion of how to proceed if your partner actually has bedbugs. But while bedbugs don’t have anything to do with cleanliness, there’s a lot of stigma around them that makes people feel like they are related to poor hygiene and housekeeping.
You needed to handle things with compassion and putting your partner at a place of ease and instead you jumped to the scariest possible conclusion and made her feel like crap. That’s why YTJ. You probably can’t diagnose bedbugs very well based on Google images of bites.
And fyi, some people don’t react to bedbug bites at all so frankly, you could have them and have given them to her and you just don’t know it because you don’t get bite reactions. Not saying that’s what happened but trying to put things in perspective here.
However, if bedbugs are at all suspected for any reason the both of you should look around for any signs in the places they like to hide. You should do this at your place as well on the off chance you have any based on the partner’s possible infestation.” byrandomchance20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am absolutely terrified of getting bed bugs so I don’t blame you for being cautious! However, they do take a long time and a lot of money to get rid of once you have them so saying I can’t be near you while you have them is going to be a long commitment.
There are ways around this though. If you guys are hanging out, always make sure to have a change of clothes that you change into BEFORE going back into your house and bag up your old clothes. Throw them in the washer as soon as you get home and this should stop you from getting them in your house.
Leave your shoes outside if you can as well. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with her coming over to my house, but you can go over to hers or hang out in public areas as long as you take these steps to make sure you are not bringing them back to your place.” MalMM14R
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It is unfortunate that the way you stated that you can’t be near your partner likely felt hurtful for her. You can/should apologize for hurting her feelings; HOWEVER… You do not need to apologize for protecting yourself and your home from this ungodly pestilence.
I’d actually rather contract the clap over bed bugs. One is much easier to get rid of than the other. Do not allow the actual devil into your home for the sake of politeness (I mean bed bugs, not your partner). Better safe than sorry!!!!!!!!
If you’re wrong and it’s not bed bugs, you can say sorry again (but only for the hurt feelings, not the actual need to reduce all possible risk of an infestation). If she rents, her landlord might cover the cost of having her place inspected. If she owns…it will be worth the house’s weight in gold to pay to have the place inspected. Once she gets the “all clear” you can make it up to her.” StrategyDouble4177
8. AITJ For Demanding My Wife's Niece Wear Clothes On The Couch?
“About a month ago, my wife’s niece (22F) separated from her husband and was couch surfing until my wife offered her a place to stay. I’ll admit initially, I was okay with it.
I’ve never had personal issues or anything with her niece and she was going through a rough time so I was okay with it.
We don’t have a spare bedroom so she was going to have to sleep on our living room couch which she was okay with.
The first two nights went well with no problems and the third night went about the same until I woke up to go to work the next morning and found the niece sleeping completely without clothes on the couch.
I woke my wife up to show her and explained how I didn’t like the idea of one of our three children waking up in the night to come to our room and finding niece like this.
She just put a blanket over niece and said she would talk to her about it when they all woke up. Not ideal but okay. The next morning rolls around and again the niece is without clothes on the couch. I go wake wife up to have her put a blanket over niece and ask if she said anything.
She said she had but would talk to her again. After almost a month of this, I had gotten tired of this and told niece she either needs to learn how to sleep with clothes on or get out of our house. She got upset and went to my wife who is now also mad at me for wanting to kick her niece out.
I’m not sure if I’m being reasonable, I feel like I am, or being a jerk. The girl isn’t under the influence of any substances and doesn’t sleepwalk so it’s not like there’s a lame excuse for sleeping without clothes on the couch.
I’m not sure how my kids haven’t seen her like this yet but thank god they haven’t. That’s a convo I don’t wanna have.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a big ask to ask that your niece wear pajamas while sleeping in your living room.
It’s not a big ask to ask that your niece refrain from being without clothes in the common areas of your home where your children may be exposed to her. Both of those are questions of basic courtesy and respect, and your niece refusing to do something so small in order to respect you, your children, and your home shows that she has no respect for you or for what you’ve done for her.
But your big problem is your wife, who doesn’t have your back on this and doesn’t seem to care about your discomfort of this. Though I’m sure your wife would have something to say if someone from your side of the family was sleeping on your couch like that.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to understand that she has to have a reasonable amount of decency. In her own home, in her own bed, absolutely go ahead and sleep in your birthday suit. When staying in someone else’s home, especially on the couch, it’s not appropriate to be sleeping without any clothes, with or without children in the house.
The fact that your wife is against your decision is very strange. Maybe your niece likes knowing that you saw/do see her without clothes.” everythingexpert1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Common sense would tell anyone with a brain this is just crazy and dangerous. Your wife’s main responsibility is to you and your children.
I’d be more concerned about your wife thinking that all of this is okay. What the heck is wrong with her? Yeah, then you two get into it, and then niece is thinking Yeah, I can get them arguing and then he leaves and I can live here forever and do what the heck I want to.
You can’t even trust family members anymore. People are losing their darn minds. Then say that niece gets really upset at you, Auntie, your husband tried to hook up with me in the middle of the night. Be a man and take care of business.
Maybe your wife needs a little help deciding on who is most important. I’m really sorry but this is not right. It’s going to end very bad. This is why people shouldn’t allow family to come and live with you in the first place.
You could give any excuse to say No, I’m sorry. We can’t help you at this time. Why did she leave? Her husband could’ve left their house. Where are her parents? It’s not your problem. People usually bring this kind of thing upon their own stupidity or make a decision too fast.” 1000xalady
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Final Over My Partner's Graduation?
“My (20F) partner (21M) is graduating college this Friday. However, his college is over 1000 miles away from mine, and I have a final the morning of his graduation. He’s really upset that I won’t be there.
For context on our relationship, he and I met over a year and a half ago and instantly had a connection.
We couldn’t stay away from each other even with the distance.
Over time, we’ve supported each other through a lot, including some really difficult situations on his end involving death and an injury. While I always wanted to make things official, I knew he needed time to heal. Over the summer, we would talk all night about what he was going through, and then I’d get up early and go to work.
Eventually, he did ask me to be his partner in a really sweet way when we saw each other in person.
So, this situation. I’m double majoring in two types of engineering, and this semester has been especially tough. I should be spending the weekend studying as I need to do really well.
I have 5 finals total all in really difficult subjects. The first one is not during finals week though. It’s this Friday morning from 9–10 AM. His graduation is at 2 PM.
All available flights take around 16 hours of total travel time. There are some that are a bit less but nothing even close to only 4 hours.
Plus, all are upwards of $700.
Last night, I saw he sent me a message about how he really wanted me at his graduation. I FaceTimed him hoping to talk but when he answered he looked like something was really wrong. On the outside, he was telling me he knows why I can’t go but was still very aggressive about it and acting like it was not ok.
I asked if he expects me to just skip my final and he said no but kept repeating “that’s just reality.”
After going in circles with that for a while, he mentioned how people at his graduation will ask where I am. He said people he’s rejected will be there and will think, “How great can this girl be if she can’t even make the effort to go to his graduation?” He also pointed out how others are going out of their way to make the drive or get on a plane to be there for him.
I kept saying I feel incredibly guilty and will make it up to him somehow plus watch the livestream. Then he said he doesn’t care if I watch the live stream as it doesn’t mean anything because I won’t be there. He said he was looking forward to sharing all the graduation traditions with me the day before and after and for me to meet everyone that’s important to him.
I said again I really wished I could be there and in a super annoyed tone said “that’s reality but if you really wanted to be there I believe you could.”
I can see myself spending my life with him and really want to find a solution or a way to make it up to him.
We truly have had some amazing memories and share a lot of special things. But he makes me feel like it’s all my fault when I can’t change anything.
So, AITJ for not attending my partner’s graduation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look at his behaviour now.
It’s all about him. He just doesn’t care that it would severely damage your education to miss a final. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE DAMAGE TO YOU. He expects you to miss your final and travel 16 hours and spend at least $700 to go to his graduation to appease people you’ve never met.
It’s all about why won’t you do this for him and you would do it if you loved him. This is pure manipulation. You go to his grad and you’ll probably never have your own because something he wants will be more important. Your career means nothing to him, you mean nothing to him other than how you reflect on him.
Re-reading what you wrote, it’s all about how you supported him, how you waited for him and how you stayed up all night talking about him. There is nothing there about what he has ever done for you except for exist. You have great memories of what?
Keep the memories and lose this guy or this will be your future. Everything will revolve around him and what he wants. You are at best an afterthought. Make the right choice for you and go to your final.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know how you can see yourself spending your entire life with someone who values your needs so little that they’re willing to pressure you to fail your class so that you can travel 1000 miles just to watch them for 20 seconds while they walk across the stage, pose for a picture, and accept a prop (because if he thinks he’s getting an actual diploma on that day, he’s going to be sorely disappointed) from the dean of his college.
I hate to break it to you, but this boy is not husband material right now. Find someone who’s actually reasonable. This situation is a giant wake-up call to you. For perspective, he literally told you that he cares more about what the girls “he’s rejected” think about the situation than he does about your grades.
Let him get with them instead, if they’re so important to him. It’ll be a good riddance for you. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s trying to gaslight you right now so that when he gets intoxicated and is unfaithful to you, he can pin the blame for his hookup on your “neglect.” Don’t let him do that.
Value yourself more.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Babe, as a 21-year-old girl all I had to read was the first sentence of this post. Your partner is self-centred. You’re telling me he can’t say “oh she wished she could be here, but she is writing her final for blank class!!” You have a FINAL to write the day of his graduation.
I’m sure you were very upset about the fact that you can’t make it, I know I would be. But at the end of the day, you’re studying and prepping for your own final that unfortunately falls on the day of his grad.
He should be supportive of you and prioritize that over his feelings about you missing his ceremony. This is your future and livelihood. You two could’ve celebrated in your own way after your final and his grad, yes on a separate day. And all could’ve been fine, but from what I’ve seen from the comments this guy’s a jerk.
Most people wouldn’t guilt trip you and be aggressive over this…. It’s definitely not a green flag. It’s out of your control that you have to miss this grad. He’s the jerk and you should maybe reconsider your relationship. I’m going to Mexico in 8 days with my family and missing Christmas AND my partner’s 21st birthday.
We’ve been together for three years next month and you can bet if my partner was guilting me about my trip, I’d be sitting him down for sure. I’m sorry you have to deal with this on what’s already a busy and stressful week.
Study for your final and ace that crap girl, think about him after.” ExcellentBet1109
6. AITJ For Not Sharing My Study Guide With A Rude Friend?
“It is finals week, and a friend and I like to make study guides for them. We use the notes given by our professors that are accessible through the course, so everyone has access to them.
On a few occasions, we will send them out to other people, given that they help with the guide.
One of my “friends” (we’ll call him K) asked me if I had a guide for a particular class. I did, but recently, this guy has been quite rude to me.
I discovered that he created a group chat with the rest of my group (without me in it) and tends to debate and shoo off everything that I have to say. With this in mind, and knowing that the guide was completed, I said no. Later in the day, K found out that I did have a guide and I didn’t want to send it to him (I assume from another one of my “friends” who has also been rude to me lately).
He’s been spamming the chat (with me in it) saying how “we’re in exams together and it’s a shame that we aren’t wanting to do anything ethical like sharing notes.” It should be of note that I have sent K guides in the past and he hardly contributes to them and still wants to send them out willy-nilly.
My logic is that, since we are seniors in college, that we work for our success, not rely on other people’s work to succeed. I just don’t know to, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If K wants a study guide, then he can put in the work and make one himself.
Even if the two of you were friends in good standing, you would not owe him your study guide. This represents a lot of work on your part that you put into it, work that he has not done. If he really wants to succeed in school, he needs to do the work himself, not sponge off others.
And since when is sharing notes the ethical thing to do? It’s a nice favor to do when you want to do it, but you are not in any way obligated to do it. All the effort that K is spending trying to guilt you into giving him your notes and bad-mouthing you he could have spent studying and then he wouldn’t have needed your notes in the first place.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not rude to decline to share a study guide that you worked to create and the person asking has been bad-mouthing you to others; why would you want to give your work to help someone who obviously doesn’t even like you?
When I was in grad school, we usually did share class notes, because one person’s notes would often be different from another’s and emphasize different aspects of the subject. We also had small study groups where we helped each other stay on track and focus on what we needed to do.
It doesn’t sound like K contributes a lot to your study guides or the work you do to make them. He’s rude to make comments about you not sharing; that’s up to you to decide if you want to do that or not. If he doesn’t want to help, and only wants to be on the receiving end, that’s his problem.
It might be a case of learning that he can’t expect others to help him out if he doesn’t also help them in return, or even if he’s been making bad comments about you. The reasons are your own and you don’t owe him an explanation, or owe him a study guide.
Your only mistake was telling him you didn’t have the guide to share; you should have just said, yes, the guide is done, but it’s only for those of us who contributed to it, and maybe add that it’s also limited to those who don’t make rude comments about you behind your back.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“I would create a vague and somewhat of a “fluffy” study guide specifically for him. Ad lib, add hypotheses, somewhat related facts but not relative etc… Just go to town and get creative with it! By the time he gets through looking at it, he will realize he got duped!
You could give him a “descriptive” guide of how he is a jerk…it’s all in how you write it.” canzengirl
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Condescending Friend Over Gym, Airbnb, And Oil Change Woes?
“My friend seems really condescending to me, especially when she is stressed out or anxious. I’ve given it a pass and looked past it over the years because I understand she is scared or flat-out insecure.
I try to talk about it, but she gets defensive. Otherwise, she’s a great friend and even helped me raise funds for my brain tumor treatments.
I’ve gotten sick of her lately, due to bad incidents. We agreed to go to the gym together before.
On the bench press, I noticed it was too much weight for her as it was dipping to the sides, back wasn’t arched, shoulders buckling, so I said she should lower the weight. I was polite about it, however she says, “I know what I can do better than you, this isn’t my first rodeo.”
Later, we planned a trip and reserved an Airbnb. It was on her account, so I sent her my share of the bill via Zelle. She tells me a week later that it got automatically withdrawn before the Airbnb charged her, by her credit card company.
I had to submit a repeat payment, and she had to paid me back a month later. I said I was frustrated and she apologized profusely, even giving me funds when she had no groceries (I didn’t know that). When I told her to get her needs met first before paying me, she said, “Boy, I’m trying to do you a favor here, just take it,”
A month later, she asked me to teach her how to change her oil. I gathered my tools and jack, and went. The entire time I tried to show her something, she would say she isn’t dumb and knew that, but still did things like loosen an oil filter cap righty tighty instead of lefty lucy.
The final straw was when we were planning a Thanksgiving dinner. I said we had to see, if anyone had any food allergies or restrictions. Then she cuts me off saying, “that’s why there’s a group chat, please and thank you.”
She says she’s struggling in life and apologizes for being the way she is sometimes, even giving acts of service.
Yet my life isn’t any better – I am literally going deaf and blind, the stress of my mental health issues has led to stomach ulcers so bad I taste my own blood, and yet I don’t do this.
I snapped and said, “you don’t have to talk down to me to make a point, especially in front of other people.
I’ve always respected you but when other people don’t, you don’t say anything. You’re too comfortable talking to me like I’m dumb, because you know everyone else wouldn’t put up with it. Unlike them, you know I wouldn’t body shame you, remind you how stupid you are with funds, and the overall lack of appreciation of what you do for them.
Fine, your life sucks and I try to empathize with you. At least take your frustrations out on yourself and maybe you’d be a better friend.”
She started crying in a way I had never seen her do in 10 years. She apologized again but I was so filled with anger I just walked away.
She texted me the other day saying she’d like to talk but I haven’t responded. I am open to making peace and being friends, but I’m still mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, good on you for standing up for yourself. Hopefully she listens, you continue to stand up for yourself and your friendship can heal from this.
Her initial reaction and the fact that she’s reaching out now is encouraging. I had a friend who was very blunt with me about my attitude/the way I treated people one time and it really stuck with me. We drifted apart eventually but it was the best thing they ever did for me.
I’ve changed a lot over the years for the better because of it.” romayohh
Another User Comments:
“One thing I learned from lots of therapy is that you cannot compare your struggles to someone else’s because you either end up feeling guilty or resentful.
This seems to have been building up for a while. As her friend, I’m surprised this conversation wasn’t had before. If you want to continue your friendship with her, y’all need to talk it out since that buildup due to a lack of communication about boundaries is what set this off to begin with.
However, it also sounds like you’re going through your own stuff. This post was all about her, but think about what was going on in your mind during Thanksgiving prep and maybe even this past year as you were dealing with treatments. Aside from your friend, your life is clearly not without its stress, and I do understand how the combination of everything could build the frustration faster.
In summary, you let this fester until you snapped. You do not need that extra stress. It does seem like she’s apologetic and supportive at times (the fundraising’s really sweet), but I also know people who think apologies absolve everything and I just don’t know this girl’s personality well enough to know if she’s one of those people.
I can’t make that call. YTJ (in the kindest way possible).” ThrowAwaySCX
Another User Comments:
“I have a different take on this and may be downvoted and maybe I’m projecting, but I can’t imagine your friendship would have developed if it started like this. I had a friendship that was very similar, and I would have told you at the time that I was treating that person the way they were treating me.
Some of what she’s saying to you actually suggests that you’re talking down to her. (Saying “I’m not stupid” isn’t condescending, and your follow-up with how she tried to loosen the oil cap the wrong way shows you do think she’s stupid- maybe it *was* stupid, but people usually don’t say that phrase multiple times to their friends unless they feel like their friends are treating them like they’re stupid.) It sounds like there’s a lot of resentment building up that is going unresolved. Sure, she shouldn’t have shamed you in front of friends, but you seem just as comfortable treating her like she’s dumb too. Everyone’s the jerk here, and honestly, you guys have outgrown each other.
When you’re at a point where you’re thinking “she’s so condescending, but look how dumb she is” then it’s time to consider ending the friendship. ” Floating-Cynic
4. AITJ For Not Informing My Family Before Buying A House?
“My husband and I bought our first home a few months ago. I told very few people, only some people at work since I was missing for appointments, and one friend. My grandparents knew, but that’s because I was living with them at the time as my husband just got out of the military and we were saving before purchasing.
Also, for context, my grandparents raised me so they are like my parents.
I thought I had a pretty good relationship with my mom. We’ve had our issues, but overall, it was a good relationship. I was waiting to share the news until after funding went through, and I moved everything in and all was settled. My belongings were in storage for over a year and I was worried that stuff would be ruined. Anyways, long story short, my mom called my grandma about something and my grandma for whatever reason told my mom I bought the house.
I was upset with my grandma, but nonetheless forgave her.
My mom on the other hand blew up about it. Said “I am your mother and I have a right to know these things.” I told her and my sister and stepfather who were all against me, that it isn’t their business.
I explained I was waiting until everything was perfect so they could then come see it. My mom was also mad because my grandma told her I didn’t want her to bring all of her dogs to my house. For context, my mom has like 8, maybe even more inside dogs and my dog doesn’t get along with hers.
The argument just kept getting worse and worse to the point now that we all have each other blocked. My mom was also mad that my mother-in-law came to the house. My mother-in-law lives 20 minutes away, my mom lives in the state over a few hours away.
I also asked my brother-in-law to come help hang a TV, so my mother-in-law tagged along. It wasn’t like I hosted dinner.
She even mentioned how I am selfish that I have said whenever I have kids I don’t want anyone to come to the hospital. To clarify, I am not pregnant and not even trying to get pregnant.
But she and my grandma don’t get along well and equally hate each other and I get put in the middle of that hate. Hence why when I do have a kid in YEARS, I don’t want anyone but my husband there lol.
It is important to share when this all went down I was physically living in my house roughy only one week. I thought this whole thing was stupid from the start. Am I in the wrong though? I understand she wants to be a part of big milestones, but she and the rest of them were acting entitled to know.
And when I said that, I was told “you have no idea what entitlement means. You have so much to learn.”
How would you try to move past this? Would you even try?”
Another User Comments:
“The pattern here seems to be that your mom gets upset when you set boundaries so she cannot do whatever she wants with your life experiences.
There’s a great saying that says something like: “the people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who need them the most.” It’s okay to want to wait until you’re ready to share big news (or to never share, because it’s your news).
It’s okay to want privacy while in labor – a very vulnerable and intimate life event. Especially if the person pushing to participate won’t respect the vibe you need for the room and will care more about their wants and needs than yours.
It’s okay to not want 8 dogs in your home – brand-new or not. It’s also okay to not want 1. It’s your home, not hers. Someone who wants to be a part of big milestones needs to act like they want to be a part of them by not blowing everything up the moment they don’t get what they want.
Keep setting those boundaries and enforce them consistently. She’s not going to like it, but you deserve some peace. If your grandma weaponizes your relationship that leads to these blow-ups, you need to do something about that, too. But congratulations on your new home!!” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, your mother does not have the right to know these things, especially since you are an adult and living your own life now. The only things your mother has a right to know are the things *you* decide she has a right to know.
Like you said – it wasn’t her business, and everyone in your family who disagreed with you were wrong. She certainly doesn’t have the right to bring her dogs over to your house without your permission. It sounds like your mother is having trouble accepting that you are an adult now and is coming on strong to try to create a perception of power over you, when, in reality, she has none.
After all, you are living with your husband now and supporting yourselves – there is nothing she can do to make you do what she wants except try to intimidate you into doing it.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ until you match their energy and come back at them as if it is a war you can win.
None of the things you want for yourself are wrong. None of them are anyone else’s right. But you do have dramatic women in your family and a lifelong triangle of yuck between your grandma and mom. I’d counsel remaining calm in their presence at all costs, say things only once, even if they keep bringing old things up, and walk away if needed to maintain your peace.
If you do have children, you will not want to repeat the family dynamics.” LevitatingAlto
3. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Kettle After My Husband Broke The Gifted One?
“My husband and I share all (essential) house expenses equally and this works for us, e.g. groceries, electricity, etc. As the wife, I see myself as the ‘homemaker” and normally buy anything additional out of my own pocket, such as new crockery sets, fans, a rug, TV cupboard etc. Things to make the house more homier.
My husband is unfortunately a bit careless, and there are a couple of things that he breaks and normally I replace them.
We (I) bought for Christmas for my mom a nice kettle, it’s in a box under the tree.
Last week he broke our (under-a-year-old) kettle and just kept quiet about it until I had to use it.
His reply, to all of them, is always ‘I don’t know”. I now refuse to buy a new kettle and refuse him to use the gift.
I insist he has to buy the kettle himself as I am of mind that he has this mentality of because he didn’t buy it, he doesn’t look after it.
AITJ for thinking like this? I believe we will be without a kettle for quite some time as he is a bit close-fisted with his money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am accident prone AF, in the 10 months that I’ve been with my partner, I have: Broken the garbage disposal *Broken a glass shelf that goes in the refrigerator.
Broken another shelf in the refrigerator. Broken his trash can with foot pedestal. Broken a bowl. Do you know what I’m doing? I’m having someone come take a look at the garbage disposal. I’m going to replace the entire refrigerator. I’m buying a new trash can with foot pedestal. I’m also going to buy a complete set of new dishes (because I’m sure I’ll break more in the future).
My partner didn’t ask me to do any of this, but you know what?! I’m gonna do it anyways because I messed it up, so I’m gonna fix it! This is how a partnership works, and we are not even married and have been together for less than a year!” TheEvilSatanist
Another User Comments:
“Being the homemaker does not mean you are the one paying for that stuff. This is so weird to me. A kettle is a household item, it’s not like you have an addiction to buying candles that you need your separate account for that.
ESH, he is acting like a toddler and you are for marrying a toddler and expecting him to not act like this. And both of you for having this stupid money situation. Buy a new kettle from a shared bank account and grow both up.” RealHousewivesYapper
Another User Comments:
“How the heck is it fair for you to purchase everything for the home out of your money because you’re the woman? Look, I also work full time and see myself as the homemaker but that doesn’t mean my husband doesn’t do half the chores and purchases what we need as well.
Wth? Traditional gender roles are fine but not when they are one-sided.” Ladyughsalot1
2. AITJ For Not Jumping On My Trampoline Because My Family Films Me Without Consent?
“I (16f) am a trampolinist and I enjoy jumping on the trampoline in my free time while listening to music (I like to dance around a bit while I do), but recently my sister (18F) and mum (41F), have been filming me and posting it on social media.
The captions often poke fun at me, and people in the comments are also making fun of me, so I’ve stopped jumping on the trampoline recently because I don’t like it, but my mum asked at dinner why I stopped, and I answered honestly.
I told her I no longer liked it because of her filming me and posting it online, she got upset with me telling me to ‘lighten up and take a joke.’ Which annoyed me, so I tried to explain that it makes me feel uncomfortable if someone is watching me just have fun.
Then my sister pointed out that people watch me when I participate in competitions, which I feel is different; I’m showing off my skills to judges, not hopping around while listening to music.
Now I understand I may look weird when I’m listening to my music, but it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing my sister or mum is filming me, so am I wrong?
Am I just being too sensitive?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a joke only if everyone is laughing. It’s bullying when the subject of the “joke” is upset with everyone else laughing at them Ask your mum or your sister if you secretly film them while they are “off the clock” and was doing something you know they will be embarrassed if people saw, then post it to social media with a funny caption like “OMG MY MUM/SISTER IS PICKING HER NOSE AND EATING IT!” and opening it to comments from strangers, how would they feel?” aikigrl
Another User Comments:
“Turn about is fair play. Record both your mum and sister doing something they each like doing and post it on social media for people to poke fun at. When they complain (and they will) ask, “What is the problem?” You both post videos of me doing something I like on social media without my consent for people to poke fun at.
Isn’t it only fair that I do the same to you? OH! Only you can do it. I see. It’s not so funny when you are the subject in the video, is it?” “I jump on the trampoline, listening to music to relax. Not to have you record me and post it on social media and violate my privacy.
Of course it is different when I do it in competition. I’m not listening to music, AND I am aware that strangers are looking at me. Do you know what people are doing to those videos in the privacy of their homes? Do you know how many freaks are on social media?” “If you continue to violate my privacy?
Be prepared to face a lawsuit. Family or not. You are breaking the law, and I have no problems in making you face the consequences of your actions.”” Minute_Sympathy3222
Another User Comments:
“I find it shocking that your mother and your sister post videos of you online knowing that you’re being made fun of, and that it’s upsetting to you to the point that you’re giving up a favorite activity.
It feels a touch sadistic to me. There are two different issues here. First, you being so hurt that your mother and sister, who should be treating you with love and respect, apparently enjoy subjecting you to ridicule. I wish I could think of a way to fix this for you.
If there’s a counselor at school or you can ask for therapy, I think you’d be well-served to have a kind, reasonable adult with whom you can process your feelings. The second is getting those videos down. I’d like to suggest that you Google how to get photos and videos of a minor taken down from the internet.
There are tools that can be used. Moreover, the videos are leading to bullying, which is also something that should be taken seriously on some platforms. Please use the tools and see what you can accomplish. NTJ. I’m sorry this is happening to you.” Nester1953
1. AITJ For Walking Out On My Mom's Hoarded Home?
“Growing up, our house was always messy, as my mom has a hoarding problem. There were always cardboard boxes in the living room, junk everywhere, and dishes in the sink. Over time as I grew up, I realized this isn’t normal, especially as I inherited these habits which lead to roommate conflict (me being messy) when I went to college, habits I’m actively trying to correct.
That being said, my mom just moved from a 3 bed down to a 1 bed apartment, now that my sister and I have moved to college. I was thinking this would be a great idea, a chance for her to start fresh. I wasn’t going to fly home for Thanksgiving originally, but she told me that she needed help moving, so I came.
That week was a nightmare. My room had become a storage unit for the past few years since I left, filled to the brim with random boxes of junk. The garage was even worse as we had to rent a U-Haul and drive it to the dumpster four times to throw away boxes of papers from 20 years ago, broken furniture, and random junk.
It was a constant fight of me convincing her she doesn’t need all this and we have to throw it away. We ended up running out of time to finish it all before I had to leave, but made enough progress that I figured she would be alright.
We got everything she was going to keep all ready in the new place, set up the furniture, but left a few boxes left she needed to unpack. The main thing left to do was clean out the old garage and throw all that into the dump.
She promised that when I got back, the apartment is gonna look great as we spent so much time talking about where furniture would be, decorating the walls, and all.
Fast forward, I come home for Christmas, she picks me up from the airport with my bag and get home.
Holy. Crap. It was just like the old house. Filled with junk from the garage to the brim. There are pathways that go from the door to each room, everywhere else is filled. Kitchen is nasty. Smells like dog pee. I couldn’t handle it, and walked out immediately without saying anything.
Had a drink at a bar down the street, called my partner, and went back just to grab my bag after she fell asleep, and drove to my dad’s to stay there. Haven’t spoken to her since and I’m not sure when I’m planning on it.
My whole childhood, I rarely had friends over. We rarely held family events. Living in that mess really messed with my mental state more than I realized at the time. Because of this, I tend to be messier than average, but am doing every possible thing in my power to not be like her.
Whenever I have visited home for the past few years since I moved away, I never spent the night there because of this.
AITJ for leaving without saying anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom is a major hoarder. I once spent 6 months cleaning out her house and making/paying for repairs to all the damage.
She thanked me by immediately bringing in more items to hoard. Explain to your mom that you left without saying anything because you didn’t want to make an awful situation worse by having a big argument over it. Tell her you love her, but not the way she lives, and expects you to live, when you visit.
This is a mental disorder, and the hoarder has to want to get better to overcome it. My mom refused to seek counseling. I have told her I will clean her place out when she dies, but I won’t waste any more time on it now.
If you aren’t in counseling now, I recommend you try it to deal with your own issues. I am lucky not to be a hoarder myself, but my siblings all have that tendency.” 4TheLonghaul731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. My mom was a messy hoarder as well.
Not to the degree that is sounds like your mom is, but growing up, our house was disgusting. She didn’t housebreak any of the insane number of pets we had and she smoked in the house all the time. Once I was old enough to understand how gross it all was, I was embarrassed to bring my friends around.
Unfortunately, like you, growing up like that turned me into a messy person too. Once I got married and moved out, some of those habits persisted until I realized how much being messy impacted my life. Now, I can’t stand messes and chaos and because I keep everything clean, I find my mind is much clearer and I am much calmer.
All of this is a long way of saying keep working on changing those old habits, I promise you it is worth it.” RandoGenericUserName
Another User Comments:
“As someone who grew up in a clinically unhomely clean home (which was all for show and a lie as the piles of stuff were just out of sight), I LOVE clutter… But my partner’s dad is a hoarder and whilst I’m helping him work through it, the frustration is real… no surface is safe.
No empty space allowed. However, he does allow me the liberty of cleaning stuff up. I don’t touch his rooms but communal space I expect to be passable and cleanable. The first time he got a bit panicked but I made it clear that I wouldn’t throw away legitimate stuff unless it was very damaged or dirty and uncleanable.
“If it was that important you’d look after it better.” If it was clearly a collectible or sentimental, I wouldn’t throw it away but would give it adequate storage so that it wouldn’t get damaged or dirty. He gets it. He appreciates that I give him that middle ground and make my boundaries with that clear.
It’s his house at the end of the day but he also sees the benefit of it being clean.” Reddit User
