People Try To Solve These "Am I The Jerk?" Problems
22. AITJ For Asking The Mother Of The Child Who Broke My Laptop To Pay For It?
“I (15 F) had a laptop for 3 years and today a child broke it.
My mom’s best friend is staying at our house for a few weeks because they haven’t seen each other in years. I was asleep today in my room when I woke up to a loud sound, I got up and noticed the child by my laptop with the screen completely ruined. I messaged her mom and asked her to come get her daughter because she broke my laptop.
I originally hesitated to ask the mom for compensation because I knew her child was autistic and didn’t know what she was doing was wrong. But my parents simply cannot afford another one. So WIBTJ for asking her to pay for a new laptop?
Info: The warranty is expired so I can’t get a replacement for free.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would suggest asking her to pay at least part of the replacement, but only if she isn’t willing to pay the whole cost. While it should be the child’s mother’s responsibility to pay the whole amount for the repair/replacement, she is likely to pull a “you should have made sure it wasn’t where (child) could reach it.
I’m not responsible since you didn’t do that.” By being amenable to pay up to half of the repair/replacement cost, she may be more open to paying for it. Also, as someone else stated, go for a refurbished one over a new one. The mom may again be open to paying for part or all of a refurbished replacement since those are reasonably cheaper than new.” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a parent of an autistic child that likes to grab things they shouldn’t I know to be more watchful of him when out of the house. Now since the laptop is 3 years old if it’s not something that can be sent out and repaired they definitely should be willing to help in replacing it.
Should it be a brand new top-of-the-line? No, but fair market value for a machine with similar specs shouldn’t be asking too much. At the very least help pay for a new one if the old can’t be repaired.” Natural_Print_1751
Another User Comments:
“INFO: With a 3-year-old in the house, there is some responsibility on you to keep it safe and away from their reach.
Where was the laptop? Also, you won’t get a new one from her since you got three years of use out of it. If you were responsible for where you left it and the kid got into it out of some amazing feat one wouldn’t reasonably expect out of a 3-year-old, then the mom is only responsible for the depreciated value of the laptop.
i.e. if you paid $900 for it, you can only expect $100 – $200 max for it. maybe not even that.” Nothing_but_sarcasm
21. AITJ For Wanting To Pay For More AC In My Father-In-Law's House?
“I live with my father-in-law. Great guy, widow, we get along very well, and he likes us living there since he doesn’t like living alone and her daughter is the last kid in the house (we’re 22).
The only problem is.. it’s getting toasty outside. And I am fine with it until I go to sleep. It’s really difficult for me to sleep in warm weather.
My father-in-law during a conversation was like “yeah I usually don’t run it unless it’s 90 outside just to save some money.”
Which I totally understand and it’s not my house. But WIBTJ or look like one if I asked him if we could run it more even just at night to help me sleep and I’ll pay for the whole electric bill? I wouldn’t be mad if he said no.
I just don’t want to come off as an entitled jerk or anything like that.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Man, this is a tough one, and honestly feels like a near-guaranteed lose-lose situation. I don’t think you would be a jerk for offering to pay the bill, as it’s so you can sleep at night, not to feel like a big shot.
However, unless your FIL is a super chill guy and has no ego, it also feels like he will be offended at least a little bit. And actually, given the free rent situation, offering to pay for one bill (and one bill directly related to your comfort) might not be the best move.
Maybe if you kicked in part of the rent, this wouldn’t be as much of an issue?” RolandWayne
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’d be a jerk but let me tell you that my brother-in-law came up with this same idea but never actually put his money where his mouth is when it came down to actually paying.
Electric bills are famously high, if you do go into it might I suggest actually paying the next bill entirely before suggesting this, so that way your intent is more genuine. We agreed with my bro in law and he kept lowering the thermostat. The bill came close to 1 thousand dollars and suddenly that was too high and not his fault.” FromAnotherGamer
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I don’t understand how it’d come off as entitled if you’re offering to pay. (Are you currently paying your fair share of bills,m) Is he on a fixed income and actually can’t afford it even though he’d prefer it on?
Is he a very prideful person about that? Or does he genuinely like the heat and not want it until 90? These are questions your wife would have more insight into. Is it Central Air? Can you get a window or portable AC just for your room?
Would “I’ll pay the difference between normal usage and more A/C make him feel better than offering to pay the whole thing? (If he is very prideful about being the provider)?” Usrname52
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay An Extra $100 For A Chainsaw My Wife Already Bought?
“My wife gave me an expensive chainsaw for Valentine’s Day. I know… awesome. It was probably around $600. She put the chainsaw on the counter, handed the cashier a credit card, signed the receipt, and walked out the door with the chainsaw.
A few weeks later she got a call from the store, and they said they needed another $100. No explanation, just that they had apparently undercharged her. Now we’re getting threatening mail, being charged late fees that we’re also not paying. Interest. Eventually, I assume they’ll turn this over to a collection agency.
I don’t see any reason to pay this. Once my wife walked away with the chainsaw the transaction was complete. How do we know this is even legit? This isn’t how this works.
Then again. If they made a mistake and overcharged me I’d want a refund.
Should I just pony up and pay the money? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would check what is actually the legal standpoint here in your jurisdiction. You can’t just ignore them and hope they go away. You need to at least have proof that you have disputed the extra charge in writing.
Imo, since it’s 600 vs 700, and you made the purchase in good faith, it cannot be argued that the difference between the real price and the price you got is so big that you should have known something was wrong (not like you got a 5k used car for 500).
Whether the argument holds any water in your jurisdiction is whole another story. Consumer protection services may also be of help if you happen to have them.” NotLostForWords
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one this is the weirdest situation ever! I’ve never heard of a store doing this.
I’ve worked in retail and I’ve never heard of this being a thing. Stores always, to a fault even, place the onus on themselves when a mistake has been made. That’s why they have shrinkage margins incorporated into the financials. But no, bottom line, they made the mistake, it’s on them to accept the losses.
Once you paid the transaction was complete. End of story. This would never fly in court. You are 100% not responsible! Don’t cave, it’s not your error.” Sounds_Gay_Im_In_93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Years ago when I was working in retail we had a much bigger situation.
Two ladies came in and bought several large pieces of furniture – a couple of desks, a hutch, some chairs. The cashier ringing them up was distracted. She wasn’t feeling well and was trying to convince me or another to pull a double so she could go home.
She finishes the transaction, gives them a receipt, another employee brings their furniture to the front on a folly, asks if they have a truck. They don’t it’s a car parked up front. We all see it and this is a small car, no way all that stuff will fit.
We offer delivery, which is free but will be tomorrow. Lady says oh no, I’ve fit more stuff than that in my car, it’s fine, do you have any twine? We have her the twine and coworkers take the desks out. They’re skeptical. They tell her they can’t use the twine on the car for legal reasons.
She says that’s fine. (I was inside but heard this from them later.) She spends 20 minutes getting most of it in the car somehow, including folding the passenger seat down so one box can extend into the front. Straps one thing to the roof. Finally gets it all in.
Drives off and leaves her friend there. Friend didn’t mind, she went into Barnes and Noble and waited and I think someone else picked her up or the other lady comes back. None of us understood why she was so adamant about taking the stuff with her.
But whatever, it was over.
Later the manager was going over sales and realized something was wrong. Corporate would literally call and ask for sales numbers every hour, it was ridiculous, but anyway, that’s how the manager realized we should have had about 2 grand more the last hour… Finally figured out 2 of the large furniture items hadn’t been rung up.
We all had to talk to loss prevention. Cashier never came back- not sure if she was fired or was so embarrassed she quit. Store manager got yelled at, we all had to do more training to learn not to make this kind of mistake, blah blah….what the store DIDN’T do is attempt to contact or harass the customer to pay the rest of the bill, because it was the store’s screw up.
We definitely figured out why that lady didn’t want delivery though…” Bloodrayna
19. AITJ For Walking Away From A Man With A Hammer And Then Calling Him Rude?
“I (17F) was walking from the bus coming back from school in the hot sun, minutes go by then I saw a man – tall and blonde on the sidewalk with a hammer, he looked in his mid-60s so I walked towards the street.
I don’t know why I got a weird feeling once I saw him.
He saw me walking towards the street, he then waved and said “ Are you scared?”
I nervously said “No sir sometimes I just walk in the street.”
He mumbled and called me rude.
I asked him what he said again.
He replied, “ You’re rude for doing that.” I told him I didn’t mean to offend him, and he said “well you are, you can go get lost anyways.”
I then said, “Jerk I don’t know who you’re talking to like that.”
He then mumbled walking away mad to whatever place, I started speed walking towards my house.
I felt scared and also like a jerk for assuming bad about people, but then again I don’t trust strangers who walk around with hammers. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“1. NTJ for keeping your distance, that was a wise move. Normal people don’t hold a hammer in their hands while walking down the street. 2. YTJ for not ignoring the guy when he spoke to you in an aggressive manner, then further instigated by calling him a jerk.
When someone has a possible weapon in their hand and could do harm to you, DON’T INSTIGATE/AMPLIFY THE SITUATION.” Significant-Deer5835
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once crossed the street and called my fiancé because a guy in worn army fatigues was walking up and down and crossing the road constantly while passing a small, pear-shaped object between his hands.
Now, I live in a small town literally in the middle of nowhere popular with older folks and retired military personnel. The kind who like to bring back and hand down family souvenirs from their terms of service. Logically, I knew he wasn’t casually walking around with an old grenade in public, and yet…better safe than sorry.” ElysGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also would’ve kept my distance. However, you should never interact with someone who makes you feel unsafe. If he had been mentally unstable (not saying he was/is, but it’s always a possibility), you interacting and responding back to him could’ve been all he needed as a “reason” to attack you or follow you home.
If someone says something like that to you again, best to ignore them. Get to a public place with lots of people around. Tell someone, if it feels necessary. Walk into a gas station or a store and tell the clerk that you feel like this creepy dude with a hammer is following you.
Wait a few minutes, then leave if the coast is clear. As a fellow woman who has dealt with creepy guys – it’s best to ignore and not respond. I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, but by responding to him, you basically egged him on and escalated the situation.
Not blaming you at all, but definitely something to keep in mind when it happens again.” Megandapanda
18. AITJ For Feeling Used Because My Partner Takes My Stuff Without Asking And Never Buys Anything?
“I’ve been with this guy for about two years and from inception he would just take and use anything that belonged to me freely without even asking ..and sometimes destroyed the items without even replacing them. Please note I would also be buying things for him without any reciprocity.
Lately, I expressed to him that I felt like I’m being used because he doesn’t buy ANYTHING! So it’s not like there is any item of his for me to use.. and I’m not exaggerating this dude does not buy anything.
I would have understood if it were for saving purposes but he never has any money.
For example: I recently received a gift from a friend I haven’t even used it yet, came home from work, and to not so much my surprise .. HE IS USING IT and if I’m to even ask why it’s being used I can expect attitude from him or even the old “I would never do that to you” or “We are supposed to be one” line ..
of course you wouldn’t because there is nothing for me to do it with.
OH! He would also lie to his friends telling them that we bought things together knowing good and well he contributed NOTHING to the purchase. I need honest thoughts and opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for asking if this is OK. However, It’s not OK and I’m sad for you that your experience of relationships has led you to think that this is. It comes down to mutual respect and care for each other really.
He’s not respecting you or showing you the care that you show him. There are honestly much better partners for you out there in the world. You just need to realize that you’re worth more than this and that you’re settling for far too little at the moment.” Yikes44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I got the ick just from reading this. Is there anything good about him? Is he THAT good in bed that he gets to be your sugar baby????????? Does he love you? Or just your stuff? Does he contribute? Anything???? Is he emotionally supportive or does he always manipulate you like this?
Are you aware of what a happy healthy loving supportive relationship looks like? Because that’s what I wish you described in your post.” magiemaddi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sweetheart, your partner is a leech. In an equal and healthy relationship, I wouldn’t necessarily expect that much separation of “mine” and “yours”, but even then I would expect partners to ask about particularly personal stuff like clothing, jewelry, specialist toiletries, or gifts that have only just been received. Certainly, you should always get dibs on first use of a gift you were given (and Mum?
Still sorry I watched your birthday DVD while you were out, eighteen years ago!). Your guy? It’s not even close to being an equal relationship. You buy everything, he uses everything – and more to the point, he buys nothing at all. Not for himself, not for the house, and not for you.
Have a look at descriptions of financial abuse and see if any of that sounds familiar. In fact, while you’re at it, have a think about whether emotional abuse feels familiar, too.” Normal-Height-8577
17. AITJ For Subtly Suggesting My Coworker Improve Their Hygiene?
“I work in a lab where we share a station with other coworkers for long periods. Recently, I started training a new coworker who has a strong body odor. It’s been difficult for me to focus during our sessions because of the smell, and I’ve needed to step away a few times for breaks.
A few days ago, they complimented my perfume and mentioned how good I smell. This led to a conversation about making perfume last. During the conversation, I mentioned (in general terms) that good personal hygiene and using deodorant/antiperspirant help make perfume more effective and that perfume doesn’t cover up body odor.
They seemed offended and became distant afterward. Later that day, they avoided training with me and asked for help from another coworker. That coworker later mentioned the same issue about the smell, and when I told them about my earlier conversation, they said I shouldn’t have made that comment because it was rude and made me sound like a jerk.
So now I’m wondering: AITJ for trying to subtly address the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Schroedinger’s cat smells really bad. But since he’s inside the box, you can’t really know whether the cat knows it smells bad. Your world is a superposition of two states: World A: The cat knows.
It’s really self-conscious, and what you think of as subtly addressing the situation feels like a bullhorn. The cat has tried many things, it’s desperate for even incomplete remedies like covering its bo with an extra layer of perfume. World B: The cat is oblivious.
It stinks, but it has no idea why the mice never leave their holes when it’s around. It desperately needs to learn, subtly if possible. Before you open the box, there’s every reason to believe you’re in World B. It really sucks for the world A cat, but it doesn’t make you the jerk.
Nor are they, of course, it’s a bad situation for all involved. No jerks here.” endor-pancakes
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is such a tricky situation that it’s really hard to get right. My instinct is that you are better off with tactful honesty rather than “subtlety”.
Don’t beat around the bush. Let them know the problem. But make sure to do it kindly and in private. Definitely not something to be shared in public. If this is too stressful for you, or you don’t think you can pull it off, then talk to your boss or HR.
I’m not going to call your coworker a jerk yet either. There are cultural differences. It may be that they’ve simply never had anyone honestly talk to them. One often can’t smell one’s own body odor, so I’m not going to assume that they are doing this on purpose or being a jerk.” SushiGuacDNA
16. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay Me Back After She Went On A Luxury Vacation?
“I (28F) have been friends with Jess (30F) for over 5 years. Recently, Jess hit a rough patch financially and asked if I could lend her $1,500 to help cover some bills. I agreed, even though it was a stretch for me because I knew she was struggling and I wanted to be there for her.
We made a plan for her to pay me back in installments over the next few months.
However, two weeks after I lent her the money, I saw on her social media that she went on a lavish vacation to Hawaii—staying at a fancy resort, posting photos of expensive meals, and enjoying excursions.
I was shocked and felt betrayed. I texted her and asked if she planned on paying me back soon, explaining that I was struggling financially and could really use the money.
Jess immediately got defensive. She said I was being too harsh and that she had already planned the vacation months before asking me for help.
She told me I was overreacting and that she would pay me back when she could, but for now, she was “enjoying her life.”
I’m frustrated. I understand that vacations were probably planned in advance, but it feels like she’s prioritizing luxury over paying me back.
I’m really torn because I don’t want to lose the friendship, but I also don’t think it’s fair that she’s spending money on a vacation when she still owes me.
AITJ for asking her to pay me back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had something similar happen to me with a roommate in college (not exact, though), so I can understand how angry you are. The person’s response is typical for someone who was caught doing something wrong and trying to make you feel guilty for your completely legitimate feelings.
If they can go on a luxury vacation, they can pay you back. And, if they needed $1,500, then they should have canceled the vacation. Enjoying her life is not a priority. In any case – remember this. I’ll bet she has the gall to ask you for money again.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Girl you are NTJ but now you know. My cousin did something like this. Got a whole GoFundMe thing for medical bills. Posted how much she appreciated everyone chipping in because now she could … pay off her medical bill and still go on vacation.
She also went to Hawaii. She literally did not want to use her money for her bills. This was not the first time she pulled something like that although it was the most obvious and public (she lost a lot of friends and was baffled).
This one is “I have $2k and I need $2k for a thing I must do and $2k for a thing I want, so I’ll get someone to give me the $2k for the needed thing so I can spend my $$ on what I want”.
She is prioritizing luxury but INFO: if you agreed to a repayment plan, did she back out of that? Or did you ask for the money sooner because you saw her on vacation? You are def NTJ for expecting to be paid back, but if she does end up paying you back on the schedule, you are getting what you agreed to.
But now you know what kind of person she is financially and you should never give her any money again.” The1Eileen
Another User Comments:
“She tricked you, if she was struggling with bills because she was going on holiday … the money you lent was for the holiday, not the bills.
She wants to enjoy life on your expense? Doesn’t sound like she has any intention to pay you back. Cut your losses and her, make sure you let your shared friends know why. She is no friend of yours, pretty sure she has used you before.” Finnbot79
15. AITJ For Wanting To Buy My Roommate His Own Dish Set?
“I (21f) moved in with my friend (22m) a couple of months ago.
I have lived with roommates before, but this is his first time moving away from his parents. We first decided we would just split groceries, but it ended up that I would do all the grocery shopping, he would pay his part, and then eat all of the easy-to-grab food before I could get some for myself.
I have talked to him about this and we decided it would be best to do groceries separately.
Since he moved out he has been using my dishes, which isn’t a problem. I just have a small set so dishes would just need to be done more often.
My problem comes from him keeping a lot of the dishes in his room and bringing them all out at once with dried food on it. He will just leave them in the sink and never do the dishes. I have had a talk with him about this too because if he is going to make a mess he should clean it up.
He says things like dishes shouldn’t be left to him because he is busy and doesn’t want to deal with it.
Talking to him doesn’t seem to be helping and I don’t want to be mean, but I’m also a student and working a job and I don’t want to come home and clean up after someone like I’m their mom.
So for Christmas, I want to get him his own set so he can be responsible for his dishes and I would be responsible for mine. Would I be the jerk if I did that? If so, what could I do instead?”
Another User Comments:
“You won’t be the jerk for buying him his own dishes, but do you really want to do that? It sounds like he is using you as a mom/wife, providing basic necessities for him. It may be easier to buy them, but you are just training him to believe that a woman will fix his problems, and chances are you will have to fix more moving forward.
Have another conversation with him and if he says the same nonsense, take your dishes, and lock them up in your room. Don’t be the jerk to yourself.” TheLaurenJean
Another User Comments:
“That won’t help because the problem is the fact that he doesn’t want to do dishes, period.
If you buy him his own dishes, he’ll use them up, and then when they’re all dirty, he’ll take YOUR dishes, and now you have twice as many dirty dishes as you did before. Also, the audacity of this man is unbelievable. By claiming he can’t wash dishes because he’s “too busy,” he’s indirectly insisting YOU wash his dishes.
You’re not his mom, or even partner (although that wouldn’t matter either). You need to be firm with him: the next time he insists that he’s too “busy” to wash dishes, bluntly ask “so just to be clear, you’re demanding that I should wash your dishes FOR YOU.
And why do you think you’re entitled to that?” You’re not his slave or his maid. If he wants you to do his chores, then demand payment.” Psychological_Elk422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But do not buy him dishes. You are not responsible for him.
Text him and say: “I am no longer happy with our arrangement of sharing dishes. On January 1st, I will be keeping all of my dishes in my room. You will need to supply your own dishes by that time as they will no longer be available.” If you buy him dishes, he still won’t wash them and will expect you to.
He will accumulate all of his dishes in his room and then start using yours, and then will dump twice the amount of dishes in the kitchen. If you buy him disposable dishes, you may get rid of the problem of dishwashing, but he will expect you to continue to buy dishes and provide for him because he believes that this isn’t his responsibility.
Your only actual solution is to not allow him to use your dishes and make him get his own. By giving him a date, he can’t argue that you’re springing this on him, as 10 days is a reasonable time to go buy a dish set or disposables.” Direct-Isopod9312
14. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Birthday Brunch Due To My High-Risk Pregnancy?
“I (29f) am 6 months pregnant with my first child. Due to my high blood pressure, my 3 falls, and the Hernia that I was hospitalized for 2 weeks ago. My doctors have classified my pregnancy as high-risk.
All of which make it dangerous for me to catch so much of a cold as coughing would aggravate my Hernia and land me in the ER again.
When I first got pregnant my sister (32F) announced that she was in charge of planning my baby shower, claiming it would be Instagram-perfect.
She also got us a very expensive gift for the baby way in advance. For which we were very grateful.
My little brother (16M) came from Oshawa to Brossard (about a 5 hr drive) and spent last weekend at my sister’s.
While discussing the plans for the day, someone suggested going to a restaurant.
I reminded them that I would prefer to avoid restaurants as there are too many risk factors for getting sick which I could not afford to take.
My little brother then responds with: “but I’m sick right now.” I froze. I had already been there for over an hour and I hugged my brother when I arrived. “What do you mean,” I asked him.
He then assures me it’s no big deal, it’s almost over, and it was just a runny nose. I said I understand that but he was still contagious, I apologized but stated that I would need to leave in order to protect myself and my baby.
My sister insisted that it was no big deal and that we could go buy masks and I’d be ok. I couldn’t believe that in this post-health crisis world, I still had to explain to my sister how germs were spread but even then she insisted it was no big deal and that I was exaggerating.
I left anyway.
My sister now wants to have a brunch for her birthday party at a restaurant in Montreal. It’s December. Middle of flu season and she invited at least 15 people. So I was already very skeptical about going given my previous reasons.
We then find out yesterday (Wednesday) that my sister is sick (she caught my brother’s cold) and her brunch is on Sunday. I apologized but told her that in that case, we wouldn’t be able to go. But maybe we could see her for Christmas if she was no longer contagious.
She was furious. Accusing my husband (29M) and me of living in fear and over-exaggerating, that we could wear masks and sit on the other side of the table. And then stating (with it only a month and a half away) that fine! Well if we can’t risk a brunch for her birthday then I guess there would be no baby shower.
I haven’t responded other than to ask her if she was serious. She left me on read and hasn’t answered.
So, am I the jerk for choosing not to go to her birthday brunch?
And should I even have a baby shower given my health issues?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also your sister is a little bit right. You should not have a baby shower. You are rightfully concerned about getting sick, but that means needing to avoid people during cold and flu season. As you said, we learned from the health crisis and even small gatherings spread germs. And if you try to make everybody wear masks and constantly use hand sanitizer at the shower your guests will be annoyed and you will still likely feel unsafe.
Just do a Zoom shower or wait until spring and have a baby welcoming garden party.” Cat_Lilac_Dog22
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here: NO to brunch. NO to the baby shower. NO to Christmas or ANY group functions. Because so many pregnancies are ‘normal’ it becomes easy for people to forget that this is also a MEDICAL CONDITION, and sometimes can become dangerous.
You have a (sadly typical) family that overlooks your medical situation in favor of their social expectations – to the point that they have active colds and ‘forget’ to warn you, or expect you to attend their special events anyway. Why? I give you the ESH because you set the ‘tone’.
If you aren’t going to take this seriously, how can you expect anyone else to? Why are you even considering attending a Christmas event or a baby shower? You’re the one who should’ve shut down ALL gatherings from the moment you got the doctor’s warning- yet you too, are cherry-picking your social events.
You’re sending mixed messages with your own inconsistent behaviors. Your sister is obviously a jerk for having a raging cold and expecting you to attend her event. Your brother is a jerk for having a cold and not even disclosing that to you. You only have a few months to go, and NONE of these gatherings are ‘Needs’, just unnecessary ‘Wants’: your PRIMARY responsibility is to your CHILD, not to your extended family.
Do the right thing by your baby.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Look, if you can’t manage a restaurant for your sister’s birthday, you have no business demanding a baby shower. You are NTJ for not going to dinner, but you are a jerk for expecting her to host a baby shower.
Especially in view of the health issues you have. The cancelation of the shower is the natural consequence of your decision to protect yourself. You can’t have it both ways. I saw in the comments that you would just have an online shower. Do not be surprised if you get pushback on that as well.
Not to mention all the older folk who are whispering about how gauche it is to host your own shower! It comes across as a gift grab and there are going to be people not happy about that at all!” Valuable-Release-868
13. AITJ For Skipping My In-Laws' Christmas Sleepover For My Mental Health?
“For the past 10+ years, I’ve been to almost every major family gathering my in-laws have hosted. Big holidays, birthdays, random get-togethers—I’ve shown up, smile on my face, ready to appease and check the “good family member” box. This year, though, I decided I needed to hit pause.
Specifically, I decided not to go to their traditional Christmas sleepover and instead stay home…alone.
This isn’t a flippant decision either. I’ve been in therapy and taking leave from work because of a lot of heavy emotional and mental stuff. I lost both my parents a few years apart, and my dad passed before Thanksgiving, so last year was a complete blur.
I’ve been putting in a ton of work in therapy and finally feel like the fog is lifting enough for me to process things in a more meaningful way. Spending the holiday by myself this year felt like the right thing for me — to reflect, reset, and just be without all the external noise.
When I told my mother-in-law, though, things did not go the way I hoped. I explained, as calmly and kindly as I could, that this had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with me needing time for my mental and emotional health.
She said things like, “Why can’t you just suck it up for one day?” and “Are you sure your therapist didn’t plant this idea in your head?” She even asked if I had other plans, if they’d done something wrong, or if I didn’t see them as family anymore.
She ultimately said she’d have to “accept it”, but she made it clear she wasn’t happy. What really caught me off guard is that she’s been one of my loudest supporters when it comes to telling me to take care of myself…so this guilt trip felt a little…contradictory?
I gave my sister-in-law the same reasons, her response? “Don’t you have all the time in the world right now?” She went on to say it’s “sad” I want to be alone during the holidays and tried to guilt me into changing my mind because “the holidays are for family.”
I wasn’t prepared for this level of pushback and guilt-tripping. They’ve always been super accommodating when my spouse has had anxiety-induced no-shows, so the fact that they’re treating me differently makes me feel a little… I don’t know, targeted?
I’m proud of myself for prioritizing my mental health but also feel like maybe I royally screwed up and thinking about how this might hurt our relationships long-term.
I know I disappointed people, but hearing them invalidate me and push back made me double down. At this point, even if caved and went, I would be resentful. Am I the jerk for sticking to my boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t say anything else to them about it, but if they bring it up, I’d shut it down with, “I did what I needed after a very difficult time.
I’m not going to discuss it anymore or be scolded like a child.” And be prepared to end the conversation if they push it. Your husband should also have your back. I also had to cancel some plans for my mental health this year.
Do something good for your inner child this Christmas.” midcen-mod1018
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ ever ever ever for prioritizing your mental health over a family gathering and the way they are treating you is just proof that you’re making the right call. This is not the behavior of people who love you, this is how people who want to control you talk.
Stand firm and accept no pushback. Stay as unemotional as possible over it. Continue to tell them that this is what’s best for you. This would infuriate me.” believe_in_claude
Another User Comments:
“His, hers, and ours. It’s ok to do that. Normally that refers to where to spend the extended family time but in your case, it’s literal – hers.
However, next time I wouldn’t go through the full “why” because honestly, someone telling me they didn’t want to be around me was a good choice for their mental health would be very off-putting. Instead, you might have said (or will say next time) that this is a year of reflection for you and you’re going to celebrate by continuing some of your family’s traditions.
You don’t have to say what those are.” nowaynohowanyway
12. AITJ For Giving My Sister A Spare Key To Our Apartment Without My Partner's Consent?
“I (M) and my partner of 3 years moved in together into our new apartment.
I’ll get to the point — I wanted to give our spare key to my sister, who lives closer to us than her parents, who live in another city. I reasoned that a spare key is for emergencies, and it’d be more logical to give it to someone who lives closer, like my sister.
My partner didn’t agree with me because my sister doesn’t like her much, so she isn’t comfortable with her having easy access to our apartment. Also, she had the spare to our previous apartment and had used it without our permission. But, later, she did tell us that she’d be crashing there for an hour or so because she felt carsick.
I thought it was fine, and my partner didn’t say anything, so I assumed that she was okay with it. But, she has been bringing it up lately.
I’d like to clarify that my sister has done that only once, and I still think that it was fine; she wasn’t feeling well.
Anyway, giving a spare wasn’t a big deal, so I gave it to my sister, and also made a duplicate for her parents. My partner wasn’t thrilled with my action, and that I should have told her beforehand.
While I admit I goofed for not telling her about the duplicate.
I’ve apologized for that.
Again, I reasoned that a spare key should be given to someone living closer to us. And if she wants to, then we can give another to a friend. But she’s still mad and she is giving me the cold shoulder.
I think this was an unnecessary argument, and it’s a win-win situation; everyone’s getting a key.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, YTJ. What kind of win-win are you talking? Not only can her parents go through your stuff (which they never did) but so can your sister (who already did and was even caught once and only confessed that because there was evidence against her).
Had it only been an accident and had she really needed to rest being carsick, a reasonable thing would be to tell you right away, the second day latest. Also if you’re feeling well enough to get into somebody’s flat while being carsick, you are also well enough to send an informative message at least. Your partner is totally right if she doesn’t want your sister to have a chance to invade your girl’s privacy this easily.
Darn, you should not be okay with somebody who doesn’t like your partner having access to your partner’s stuff!” Main_Blueberry4301
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I fail to see how this is a win-win. Let’s break this down: (1) You decided that your sister is the one who should have a spare; (2) your partner disagrees because your sister makes her uncomfortable; (3) you invalidate her reasons why she doesn’t want your sister to be the spare-key bearer and give your sister the spare anyway; (4) partner is mad at you.
Did I miss something? Is it a win-win because you don’t care about your partner or her feelings? To me, this is a win-lose (win: you got what you wanted; lose: you have to live with a partner mad that someone she doesn’t trust can get into her place and also mad that someone she loves violated her trust by giving said untrusted person a key).
It’s your partner’s apartment too. She has a right to say that she doesn’t want someone to have access to her living space. Your responsibility is to respect that and find an alternative you both agree on, so that no one is uncomfortable with the people who can get into your apartment.
Instead, you bulldozed her feelings on the matter because you don’t think it’s a big deal.” NyxOrTreat
Another User Comments:
“I do agree that a spare key for emergencies makes sense to be given to someone nearby. However, your sister has abused having a key before.
The spare is meant to be in case of emergencies on YOUR side, not for her to just take a rest when she feels a bit sick. She was carsick, not dying, there’s no excuse for not asking before stopping by. Especially if your partner already doesn’t like her much, it makes sense that she now feels uncomfortable with your sister having a key.
If there’s really no other person close by you’d trust with a spare (other relative, very close friend?) and you really consider this arrangement necessary, you need to at least give your partner some peace of mind by setting firm boundaries. It is NOT okay for your sister to just randomly come in, and the fact that you say “it was fine” the one time it happened means you’re being dismissive towards your partner’s comfort.
It’s her apartment too. YTJ, I’d suggest apologising and either taking the key back, or at the very least having a serious talk with your sister that she is only meant to use it in actual emergencies. ANY other reason, she has to ask first, and both you and your partner need to agree on a yes or no.” MissK2421
11. AITJ For Calling Out My Absentee Father And Keeping My Distance?
“Growing up, my dad was physically present, but emotionally and financially, he was checked out. He spent most of his time gambling and leaving my mom to handle everything from raising me to keeping the household running. Despite all this, I’ve always tried to show him respect, even when he didn’t act like a father.
Recently, things boiled over during a family disagreement. My mom and dad had an argument about money again and my dad tried to pull me into it. He accused my mom of being the reason for the family’s financial struggles and even had the nerve to say, “You should be thankful for everything I’ve done for you.”
That hit a nerve. I finally told him, “You’ve never actually been there for me as a dad. Respect is earned, and you’ve done nothing to deserve it.” The room went silent, and my dad just walked away. Since then, things have been tense.
I still live with my parents, and I’m polite when I see him, but I’ve stopped going out of my way to interact with him.
Some family members think I crossed a line by calling him out and that I should “just let it go because he’s your dad.” But honestly, I’m tired of pretending everything is fine when he’s never been the kind of father I needed.
AITJ for saying what I said and keeping my distance now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve been holding this in for a long time, and it finally came out because you reached your limit. Your dad pulling you into that argument and making a comment about being thankful for everything he’s done—when it sounds like he’s done the bare minimum—was unfair and honestly kind of insulting.
You were just standing up for yourself and speaking your truth.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You clearly reached your breaking point. He’s old enough to understand what he is doing is wrong. I don’t understand why your mom didn’t divorce him yet. If he doesn’t contribute at all financially and also doesn’t even show affection towards you what’s the point in being together?
Kids always suffer because of parents’ decisions. Maybe try talking to him heart to heart and tell him you don’t like the person he has become, tell him how you feel and that if he won’t stop behaving like this he will lose both you and your mother.
If nothing changes you should talk your mom out of that marriage. None of you have to suffer because of him.” _Openyourheart_
Another User Comments:
“I am currently on the opposite side of this. My daughter had a son in February. It’s December now and I have had almost no interaction with him because we live a few hours away from each other and she has decided that I’m a bad father and has blocked me everywhere possible.
I don’t think you’re a jerk for speaking out, your feelings are valid. But to refuse any dialogue to repair or even understand, like my daughter, is just not right IMO.” Far_Rush_5857
10. AITJ For Snapping At My Friends For Discrediting My Hard Work?
“I (33M – Australia) and my group of friends have been friends since high school. Once we graduated, many of my friends opted to skip further education to instead work a job in the trade, or dropped out and work in a warehouse/factory. Some still don’t have full-time jobs and just job hop between part-time work.
Nothing against those jobs, but they were looking for an easy living and didn’t want to spend more time in school.
I opted to go to university, while at the same time, I got lucky enough to work in the industry I was studying in.
This helped me get a head-start in my career so when I graduated, I already had more experience than the average graduate. It also meant I was waking up at 5 am every day for work and then going to university after, and getting home at 9-10 pm every day.
Once I graduated and started working, I got a well-paying job (80K annually). This was immediately more than what all my friends were earning, and I immediately started hearing how I “just got lucky with the job”, completely ignoring the years of hard work I had already put in.
Young me was just proud to show off my hard work to my friends so I made the mistake of telling them my wage.
Over the years the comments died down, so I wasn’t bothered by them too much anymore. Fast forward to last week, I had my friends over to my newly built home.
As of today, I am single, no children or pets, and have drastically increased my wage (while also getting new certifications to keep up with my industry). I’m able to afford a lot of things without struggling, and I do consider myself fortunate.
This was the first time my friends had seen the new house, and the comments started up again, how I’m able to afford a big new house, how I’m lucky, how all I do is sit around all day and get paid lots and so on and so forth.
I wanted to show my new achievement of the house off but it made me sour. The comments wouldn’t stop so I snapped, telling them it’s not my fault they were too lazy to try and make anything of themselves and if they put in any level of effort, they wouldn’t have to struggle to go out or buy things for themselves, or keep working low paying jobs.
Even to this day I’m still working and studying to get ahead, but they’ve all barely changed jobs in the 10+ years.
A couple of my friends left because they were angry, a few others stayed around and understood (they weren’t making the comments). Things have been quiet in group chats and plans for Christmas and NYE are up in the air.
I’m thinking of apologizing to keep the peace, but one of my friends is suggesting I wait to see if they apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you handled yourself poorly. You should not have made any of the comments about them or their life choices.
You should have responded with something like. “Hey man, you know I also worked my butt off studying and getting good at doing my job yeah? Please don’t discredit all my hard work and put it purely on luck yeah? Kind of hurtful much?” They would have floundered then….
as there’s no way out of them looking like a jerk, and you gave them nothing to complain about in turn.” Sassypants2306
Another User Comments:
“You put in work, yes, but you still got lucky. My wife went to university and studied much more than me.
I never finished my high school. I always made more than her, I got lucky, she didn’t. Most of us put a lot of work into what we do. We all need a bit of luck to get through. A lot of people work hard their entire lives, harder than most, and are still poor.
Just wanted to leave you on that note. Did your friends also work hard at their jobs? Why isn’t their hard work recognized by you? If they barely changed jobs in the past 10 years, doesn’t that mean they work hard at their job and they’re good at it?
I think YTJ yes for snapping. If you make tremendously more cash than your friend and you want to show off your belongings, then expect such comment.” Apart-One4133
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You the bigger. Your friends shouldn’t have rained on your parade or suggested that you don’t work hard.
You shouldn’t be dissing them either. It sounds like you think everyone who isn’t in your position is just lazy. There are a lot of people who busted their butt at university and couldn’t get a decent-paying job in their field. You did get lucky in that because of the managing to get work in the industry when you were in uni.
Just getting that is huge. And others who for other reasons couldn’t and/or can’t go back to study later. People aren’t poor just because they are lazy. I also think it is a bit out of tune to make a big deal of your purchase with the current state of the housing market.
I’m doing really well when it comes to property but I share that good fortune with those in a similar position because I don’t make a big deal of it in front of those who are not. I’m sensitive to the fact many are struggling with rising rents or feel they will never be able to get into the housing market.” RachSlixi
9. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Stop Borrowing My Clothes Without Permission?
“I live with my roommate, and we generally get along really well. The issue is that she keeps borrowing my clothes without asking. At first, it was the occasional sweater or hoodie, and I didn’t mind too much. But lately, it’s been more frequent, and she’s started taking more expensive pieces like jackets and shoes.
The final straw happened when I noticed she wore one of my favorite dresses out to a party and accidentally stained it. When I brought it up, she brushed it off and said she didn’t think I’d mind because I wasn’t wearing it at the time.
I told her I’d prefer if she asked before taking my stuff, but she said I was being uptight and that sharing is “what roommates do.”
I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but I’m also tired of feeling like my wardrobe is fair game.
AITJ for setting a boundary and asking her to stop borrowing my clothes without permission?”
Another User Comments:
“Good, honest roommates don’t do that. They ask permission and then pay for any damage they cause. If you borrowed someone’s car and dinged it you’d pay for repairs, this is no different – just on a smaller scale (actually, depending on the dress it may even be more expensive to replace).
You need to install a proper lock on your door, that way she has no opportunity. NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are lots of posts about roommates thinking they can use the other roommate’s things because “sharing.” These people no doubt grew up in a home where there were no boundaries on using other people’s things.
You are going to have to tell this roommate, FIRMLY, that your clothes are totally off limits to her, and that you will share what is communal but not personal items like clothing, toiletries, etc. Roommates do not share – they are both responsible for themselves.
I saw this back when I had roommates in college – one roommate grew up with four sisters and they all shared clothes, so she didn’t think anything of borrowing my things. I also had a friend, years later, who said she “borrowed” her roommate’s clothes all the time and didn’t realize just how wrong it was, because it was normal in her family.” ElmLane62
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay The Full Vet Bill After My Roommate's Cat Ate My Dog's Medicine?
“I moved in with my roommate about a year ago. We were friends for a couple of years prior. I moved in with my dog and she got a cat after a few months of living together.
To paint a picture, she allows the cat to get on the stove, walk on the counter. It’s known to be food-driven and will chew through bags of food, she allows it to jump on the dining table, etc.
Sometimes she’ll keep the cat in her room while we’re eating or when she’s cooking so it doesn’t jump up on the table/counters.
My dog got neutered recently and was on anti-inflammatory medication. Tonight, she had the cat in her room while she was cooking dinner. I placed my dog’s medication on the table (being conscious that the cat is in the room) with the intention to give it to him after he eats his dinner.
I give my dog his bowl and then went to answer a phone call in my room.
My roommate opens her room door and the cat gets out and eats the medication. I did not realize this until I went back out and couldn’t find the pill.
She took the cat to urgent care and I gave her my credit card to pay for the bill ($200) because I felt pretty horrible. The vet couldn’t induce her to vomit so the cat had to be hospitalized (3k-5k). My roommate expects me to pay for some, maybe half of the bill but I am only willing to pay $500.
Should I be the one paying for the whole bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have a pet, the pet is your responsibility, and IMO the only time someone else should pay the bill is if they did something knowingly or did something really really stupid.
I grew up with cats and a dog, and I have a dog right now. Training a dog not to steal food is hard, but I have no idea how I would even start to try to train a cat not to do it, they’re not exactly easy to train, so I wouldn’t say someone “allows” their cat to do something.
Like yeah, you can take the cat down every time you see it, but they’ll probably keep doing it anyway, especially if they’re able to snatch some food every now and then. That said it’s on your roommate to find a way around this, like making something to hinder the cat from jumping up, making a “safe place” where you can put stuff, etc. And you should of course try your best to avoid putting harmful things where the cat could get to it.
But even if a cat were stealing food, I wouldn’t have assumed he would steal medication because it’s not food, and for me, it has always been hard to get my cats to take their own medication, they would spit it out because it tastes bad.” piqueboo369
Another User Comments:
“If the cat is usually free to roam the apartment, and you gave your roommate no prior warning that she should keep her cat in her room while you were giving the medication, then this all happened because you were reckless. You knew the cat jumps on counters.
You knew it eats everything. You knew the pill was flavored to encourage eating. You left the pill out when you could have waited till it was time to give it. It also sounds like the cat is usually free-roaming. So if you didn’t warn your roommate, then her only asking for half is generous, considering it all happened because of you.
YTJ if you didn’t warn your roommate. NTJ if you did and she let the cat out anyway.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you even admit you’re at fault, which means it is your responsibility to pay the entirety of the vet bill. The fact she’s willing to do half is quite generous.
At the end of the day, you left the medicine unattended and the cat got to it. I also cannot stand people who say they “trained their dog not to do this.” It’s the exact same as people who say their dog is the friendliest, kindest, gentlest dog in the world and incapable of harming anything else.
They’re animals with animal instincts. No matter how well you train them, they are capable of doing things against their training. Yes, that includes your precious dog. It’s irresponsible pet owners like you that should have their pets taken from them. That poor cat suffered because of you and I can only hope no other animals suffer due to your negligence.” gobledegerkin
7. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Classmate's Prom Partner And Telling His Mom Off?
“I (16F) got into an argument with my classmate’s (let’s call him ‘G’ for easier explanation) mom since apparently I was hating on him for not choosing him as my partner for the upcoming prom.
Just a little background: I think it was on Wednesday last week when we finalized the partners for the prom next year because we would begin practicing the dance performance, and since I was not openly saying to everyone that I already had my partner, my significant other (17M), the teacher who helped with partnering up the students assumed I was still free and asked me if I was willing to become G’s partner, and I obviously refused because I had one already.
Then, he didn’t say a thing about it, and I assumed that the teacher would probably just ask someone from the lower grade (the girls in our class weren’t enough to pair with all the boys, so we would be taking some girls from the lower level to fill in the spot).
The next day, my adviser just suddenly told me that a parent was looking for me and told me to go to the guidance room, and I did when the event happened with G’s mom.
She saw me and began complaining about how dare I refuse to go to prom with her son when I should be honored to be paired with him and I was just like, “????”, and really confused since it wasn’t like I rudely refused G and even said yesterday (I meant like the day when they were choosing partners) that I couldn’t since I was with someone.
Here is the part where I probably ended up being rude since I straight up told her that even if I didn’t have a partner, I wouldn’t choose her son and she should take a look at her son before blaming me. (G was the kind of boy that was egoistic and really noisy, plus, I really didn’t like him since every time we would be doing dance activities in the past, he would just run away to play with his friends and barely give any effort to dance, and I couldn’t have that since prom was a graded performance.)
Everyone in the room became silent, and the teacher somewhat scolded me for disrespecting the mom, but soon let me off since she knew that other than my words, I didn’t do anything wrong and just made me apologize, then let me leave since she would be handling the rest. This became really long, but am I the wrong one?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s really disturbing that a parent was allowed to speak to another child. If I were you, I would ask my parent to raise it as an issue with the head teacher and ask for an apology. You are NTJ – you can take anyone you want or no one to prom.
If he had wanted to actually ask you to prom he had plenty of time. Clearly he did not and he’s got no right to expect you to come without discussion. Is there any reason reason why the mum is so upset? Any reason why this boy has no social skills?
Question – where are you based? No way in the USA or UK prom dance is graded. And you would never be allowed to speak to someone’s child either.” Witty_Detail_2573
Another User Comments:
“I’m very curious about this “Prom” practice, where it’s graded and parents advocate for their children’s partners.
I’m assuming this is in a country when very different norms than the US. Because of the way you described it, I’m going to treat it as a sort of mandatory graded school project where you select your partner and do a graded performance. In effect, you refused to be paired with G because of his personality and his performance record on similar projects.
G presumably told his mother about this, and his mother met with you, demanding an explanation, which you gave, rudely. I think it would have been better if you weren’t rude, but that’s tone-policing, not a moral judgment. Aside from that, your actions seem pretty reasonable to me.
G obviously went home to complain to his mother. That’s… Okay. You can do that. G’s mother went to his school to demand to meet with the student who disrespected him. That’s really bizarre, entitled behavior. A meeting with the teacher would be appropriate (though a little bizarre and entitled).
But meeting a student, without that student’s parents present, is pretty inappropriate conduct for a parent. It’s clear where G gets the belief that it’s okay to act like someone who you wouldn’t want to partner with. Your teacher facilitated the meeting. They absolutely should not have done that.
It was a dereliction of their duty to you. Your teacher and G’s mother are jerks. You and G are not (G may be for other stuff, but he seems to just be a kid who whined to his mother here) NTJ.” BigBayesian
6. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Mom To Mind Her Own Business After An Argument?
“I (26) female have been seeing my partner Mark (29) for 2 years.
His mom had come to our house right after a disagreement. We have a 3-month-old child who was sleeping.
I admit I was giving short answers and was slightly passive-aggressive. For example, when he asked me for something I put it on the opposite side of the coffee table so he still had to stand up.
His mom decided to come talk to me in the kitchen and tell me I should “let it go for the baby to not be in a hostile environment.”
At that point, I lost it and told her to mind her business and to get out of my house.
I told her the child is sleeping and I’m human and have a right to feel emotions and that she can have her son visit her at her house since my home is so hostile.
After she left she told my partner how upset she was at my reaction.
He’s now mad at me for snapping on his mom. He wants me to apologize but I don’t think I should have to but want an outside opinion. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, everyone’s a jerk here for the admittedly childish behavior of moving things to force Mark around.
That said, it was clear you and Mark were in mid-disagreement but, to your point, the baby was sleeping. Mother-in-law should have stayed out of it, this was not her problem to solve. To the extent she *had* to get involved, the person she needs to talk to is her own child, not you.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Being passive-aggressive and petty to your spouse in front of guests, even family, is childish and immature and really, really awkward for the third person. You can be upset at your partner without being a jerk to them and using small things to punish them.
This is not behavior that builds healthy relationships or creates a positive environment for your kid. You don’t have to let stuff go that isn’t resolved, but this is a bad way to deal with it and frankly, your mum-in-law probably deserves an apology.” Light-Dragon888
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your mother-in-law shouldn’t have meddled. You were not in the right state of mind to entertain and behaved poorly. You could have let her know it is not her place to interfere, that you aren’t up for entertaining her right now, and the baby is fine.
Losing your cool and taking it out on her wasn’t fair. It was your husband who you were actually upset with. This would be the only part I would apologize for, “I could have handled the situation better and I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you.
While I still think that you should leave disputes between me and your son alone, I could have said that better.” (if I was in your shoes.) Your partner should have told his mother when she came over that now was not a good time.
When she followed you, he could have interfered. He let it happen. He should’ve told his mom she shouldn’t have interfered and to let it go.” Jaded-Spirit-Lady
5. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Wife's Brother's Farm Due To Feeling Excluded Post-Heart Surgery?
“Prior to 2020 we (whole family), loved going to the farm and helping out.
In 2020 I had major heart surgery, since then my health has declined, now have heart issues and COPD. Initially after my health declined I still enjoyed going and helped out where I could.
The last couple of times we’ve gone they have asked me not to participate in any activities and to stay inside.
I would spend the majority of my weekend by myself. When I asked if I could help with something or what was going on, I was told that “I was always in the way”, “too slow to do anything”. I 100% respect the fact that it is their property and their rules, and I in no way try to influence that.
However, I felt very isolated and emotionally drained as I felt like a burden, a failure, that I wasn’t good enough. I brought up to Kris how I felt when we got home and she brushed me off.
Earlier this year Kris was supposed to go by herself to the farm to help, but I was in the hospital so she stayed home to watch the kids.
Originally we were going to host Christmas (Wife’s family gets together over New Year’s to celebrate Christmas as a family group. However, after Kris, her brother (I’ll call him Paul,) and their sister had a chat they decided to switch New Year’s to the farm.
I understand why they are doing this and I support it.
I talked to Kris and explained that I would not be accompanying them. I told Kris I would help get everything ready and if she needed the utility trailer I’d get it hooked up and ready to go.
But that for my own mental health, I thought it’d be best if I just stayed home since I wouldn’t be included in anything anyway. I went on to explain I wasn’t trying to influence Paul on how he ran his farm.
She retorted with the fact that being in the barn, or running around outside with the kids, or being near a campfire could be dangerous for me.
I explained that it was sitting and catching pneumonia what was dangerous.
She accused me of having FOMO.
AITJ for setting boundaries, suggestions welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they wanna cry that you aren’t there then they could give you something basic to do like cook or something.
And claiming running outside with the kids is dangerous? Are you about to die or collapse, cause that seems a bit silly. Anyway, if you want to save money and stay home since you’d be alone either way then I don’t see why she’s pitching a fit.” Memez_R_Life69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m wondering if it was really Paul’s idea. It might be that Kris is so afraid of losing you that she wants to wrap you in bubble wrap and asked her brother to not let you participate. She wants you to come for the same reason, she doesn’t want you to be alone in case something happens.
Maybe not, just a thought. Medical crises can cause trauma to all involved, might be worth some counseling.” fyngriselda
Another User Comments:
“I’m disabled and I have certain accommodations I need around holidays/celebrations that aren’t well understood. The way I was treated (similar to you) around the holidays as a child, was devastating emotionally.
When I finally hit my preteen years I just stopped going, and everyone had their snide remarks about it, of course. However, it was one of the most freeing, self-compassionate choices I ever made for myself. I was depressed as a child around the holidays and opting out was the game changer, opinions be darned. My grandfather was the main person who always wanted to shame me for my disabilities and would get irate if I needed accommodation during the holiday, claiming I was ruining it for everyone.
He cried the last time I saw him & again on his deathbed begging me for forgiveness and said it was one of the biggest regrets of his life. He thanked me for coming to the last family gathering he attended and told me he wished it could’ve been that way the whole time.
I told him it was he who made it otherwise, and he admitted he knew that. Opt out and choose yourself, no matter what anyone else says. Anyone who says being alone in a room while hearing everyone you love have fun while choosing activities that exclude you purposefully isn’t a cruel thing to do, doesn’t really have any empathy.” taphin33
4. AITJ For Moving Out And Leaving My Sister With Bills She Can't Afford?
“My friend (F 23) and I (F 22) found a house that gives us our own space. I currently rent from my sister a studio apartment. My sister (F 26) has been talking about wanting to move in with her partner once his lease is done by next year.
Her partner lives an hour away. She offered to take me with her and let me rent again, but I’d be an hour from work if I went, and the traffic is bad there so it would be even longer. We applied for the application, got the lease last night, so we told my sister last night.
She gets mad at us and says we lied to her about looking to move. I never lied to her and informed her that if there was a house that had the space I want, I’d pick that over moving with her and told her I was looking at houses in the area with my friend.
She’s claiming we screwed her over and are leaving her with the responsibility of taking care of bills she can’t afford.
She makes a lot more than me which is why this house with more room makes more sense. I’d be paying less for more than I have now.
She is now being passive-aggressive and giving us silent treatment because she feels we did her wrong. But we gave her 30 days’ notice as any normal roommate situation would be, and are paying extra rent to make up for how long we’d stay before having to move.
I truly wonder if I’ve done something wrong and hurt her because I love my sister a lot. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is she accusing you of screwing her over by making her pay bills on her own while her partner gets to live in the same household with zero responsibilities?
Even if it’s just the two of you, he’s going to be around a lot more like overnights… Eating the food, using the water and electric that YOU pay 50% for.. it’s not gonna affect your sister that much because like you said she earns a lot more than you plus she’ll probably be at his place as well eating his food and using his water/electric, fair’s fair right?
While you get screwed over. That’s unless you both have your own space in the fridge/freezer and you don’t touch each other’s food. If you managed to find a place close to your work and also to split the bills with a friend then why not?
You don’t have to worry about feeding someone else’s partner on your dime.” SweetBekki
Another User Comments:
“Info: are you “breaking” the current lease with your sister? You say that her plan was to move NEXT year when her partner’s lease was up, but you’re moving out within the month.
Did she know in advance that you were planning on moving out asap, or did you give her the impression that you would be going your separate ways once your lease at the current place was up? Because those are 2 VERY different situations and one month’s notice might not have been enough to pay double the rent if the place you’re currently in was chosen with 2 people in mind.” Ryuugan80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re making your situation better for yourself: rightfully and legally. However, because you have a lease, you have to give her a 30-day WRITTEN notice. You can’t just tell her. It must be in writing to be valid. Your friend should do it too to cover her backside in case your sister gets mad.
Take a photo of the notice. Hand deliver the notice, while videotaping and also text her the 30-day notice. When you move, take a video of your studio as proof that you left it in good order. Your friend should do the same. Keep everything for at least 3 years.
It’s a very simple notice: Date. Her name. This is to inform you that I will be moving within 30 days from today’s date from address (your address). Thank you, (your name typed out) (your signature).” halfwaygonetoo
3. AITJ For Giving Up On My Son's Gluten-Free Diet Due To His Noncompliance?
“My 17-year-old son was diagnosed recently with a wheat allergy.
He had been battling gut issues for a few months and we finally found that he can’t have wheat. I immediately went into research mode. I read labels, learned all the names for wheat, and bought hundreds of dollars of food/snacks for him to try.
I took him to Whole Foods and organic markets for hundreds more. I bought wheat alternative flour and began cooking gluten-free. He still had digestive issues. So back to the doctor. Only issue: wheat.
Come to find out he’s spending his paycheck at school on biscuits and gluten-filled snacks.
He goes to a friend’s house and bam, eats McDonald’s and wheat-filled junk. The doctor and I warned him that this is only mild-moderate but it can get worse. He actually came home with urticaria and hives last weekend. He ate cake and pizza at a friend’s.
He’s not 10, he’s 17. I can’t be with him everywhere and police every single thing he eats. He knows what wheat is and what to look for, we literally learned together. The school said they won’t cut him off even with a doctor’s note because he’s old enough to police himself.
They provide alternatives but he won’t eat them. He’s stubborn.
Tonight we went out to a gluten-friendly restaurant and I got him a gluten-free meal for 26 dollars (ours average 15-18). I made sure he was good with the selection. He didn’t eat it but instead snuck off others’ plates and snuck bread.
My mother-in-law is an enabler (“just a bit won’t bother him” – 10 bites later). He stunk up the car on the way home and tried to deny that he ate wheat but the guy won’t lie. He wants to stay home due to gut pain but I’m getting peeved because he’s causing it.
Am I an awful mom that if he’s going to eat what he wants that I am just over making the effort and spending way extra money when he’s not even following the diet (I have been begging, trying, and cooking GF for over 9 months and have spent thousands trying to find what even I feel tastes pretty good alternative).
I don’t want to be an uncaring person but I feel like I’m wasting time and money that we don’t really have when it makes no difference. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but have wheat-free food options at the house. That said, as a person with celiac, these are all the things that are easy to have on hand, won’t break the bank, and are wheat-free: Most potato chips (not pringles) Tortilla chips Salsa Cheese Eggs Rice Potatoes Veggies Corn tortillas Most Lunch meats (boars head and Hormel label for wheat and gluten) Progresso soups label for gluten Yogurt Cottage cheese GF freezer waffles are around the same price as regular ones.
They work for waffles, sandwiches, and a base for individual pizzas Rice Chex- all flavors Obviously there’s a lot more GF/wheat-free food but a lot of Whole Foods are naturally wheat-free and just keep stuff like that around.” ms_sinn
Another User Comments:
“He’s having trouble confronting his new, wheat-free life and is rebelling, more or less hoping that if he ignores the problem then it will go away. Teens making dangerous choices around their allergy is probably not that uncommon. In a way, it’s the most dangerous part of life in which to have an allergy.
If your allergy is discovered as a young child, it’s just part of your normal, what you grow up with. If your allergy develops as an adult, you are mature enough to grieve your old way of life and settle into the new way. If your allergy develops as a teen, it’s the time of life when you have independence without maturity and when you are rebelling against everything.
I would give him some grace, in your own mind. In practice, you’re mom (or dad) so you have to keep pushing. If you stop making his wheat-free meals, it just validates the idea that his allergy is not a big deal. To me, it sounds like he needs therapy, i.e. someone to guide/nudge him toward a habit of safe choices, who doesn’t have that combination of love and authority that a teen has with their mom, that makes them want to push all your buttons and prove you wrong when you say they’ll eventually have to behave like a responsible adult.
I would also see if his allergist can talk to him and give him a more detailed explanation of why it is dangerous to do what he is doing.” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“Wow. I was ready to go into a whole rant, but um..
yeah…. NTJ Okay. First off, he is 17. Seventeen-year-olds are freaking idiots. I confidently say this because at 17, I was 100% an idiot and basically, every 17-year-old I have ever met (including the one I have raised, 19 now) is an idiot. They will jump off the bridge because their friend did.
They are the friend who jumped first! They are frustrating, moody, hormonal, not yet adults. It’s a pain that he is making himself sick, especially when you are trying to support him, and it is an easy fix.
I’m a fafo kinda mom, and all the kids around me (I say kids some are 24 with kids of their own I’m dying) know my line, “make smart choices, and if you are going to make dumb choices, be smart about them.” Your son is being dumb about dumb choices.
Might be time for some tough pull yourself up by the bootstraps kinda love. He is choosing to eat things that make him sick. To me, this is the same as drinking before you have to work and complaining all day of a hangover. It’s time to suck it up.
He played the game, time to pay the price. Life doesn’t stop because he wants to eat the bread. School, work, chores, etc… don’t disappear because he made a bad choice. It is time to deal with the consequences and push through the pain and learn a lesson.
Or not, at a certain point, you have to let them figure their stuff out. Now the enabling Grandmother. It’s time to have a serious talk with Nanna about how her grandbaby had a serious allergy. Bring up bee allergies and how it’s similar (old people respond to bee allergy analogies) to make her understand she isn’t helping or “treating” her baby she is physically harming him and 1 bite is enough to cause damage.
Good luck Mama, it’s a tough spot.” apschizo
2. AITJ For Feeling Invisible When My Partner Didn't Introduce Me To Their Ex?
“Last night, after our Christmas gift exchange, my partner suggested we go to a popular restaurant near my house.
They had previously mentioned that their ex worked there, but I trusted their judgment and didn’t think much of it.
Once we entered the restaurant, I noticed a shift in my partner’s energy. Before arriving, we’d been affectionate and joking around, but as soon as we walked in, they became quieter and avoided making eye contact with me.
They waved and said hi to their ex, who then ended up being our server. During the interactions with their ex, my partner didn’t introduce me, and I felt boxed out as their ex stood close to me, facing only my partner and giving compliments and kindness.
This made me feel invisible and uncomfortable.
After we already ordered, my partner asked if I was okay and if there was anything they could do, I said I was uncomfortable but didn’t push to leave because I thought it might make things more awkward.
I waited for just a simple introduction, but it didn’t happen. Later in the meal, their ex asked if we wanted separate checks, which reinforced my feeling that the situation didn’t look like a date.
After dinner, I explained how I felt, and my partner got upset.
They said I should have been open earlier and not expected them to read my mind. I told them that their shift in energy and lack of an introduction made me feel sidelined. They explained they were caught off guard by seeing their ex and don’t think about them ever so they were not expecting this and didn’t want to make the situation uncomfortable for their ex by introducing me because my partner broke up with them.
However, this made me feel hidden and as though my feelings were less important than their ex’s comfort.
My partner felt I was ignoring their discomfort and did not offer them the benefit of the doubt. I felt like my hurt was being sidelined in the conversation and that it was unfair for me to be the one to express discomfort and I shouldn’t have been brought into that situation.
We ended the conversation with them saying they needed time to process. AITJ for not expressing my needs earlier and letting the situation linger until after dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a very typical power move. You might have been used to make the waiter jealous.
As someone who’s been in this situation, no, it’s not your job to speak up and introduce yourself. If you have to go this far, that shows your partner essentially forgot about you or that you weren’t their main focus…. ON YOUR DATE NIGHT! If that doesn’t fill you with rage, then your partner gaslighting you should.
I would have a conversation and let them know how you feel and how your partner ignoring you on your date is never your fault.” likeeatatarbys
Another User Comments:
“So you’re telling me that your partner picked a restaurant that their ex worked at and was caught off guard when the ex was there working?
What a crock of nonsense. Your partner is a jerk. Their behavior towards you changed before they saw the ex not when they saw the ex which completely contradicts their excuse of why they treated you like a third wheel and further embarrassed you by not introducing you and not making it clear when the bill was being discussed that you were their partner.
They had multiple chances to correct themselves and didn’t. Furthermore, they asked you whether you were ok which leads me to suspect that they felt or knew something was not ok and didn’t correct their behavior. So your partner either cannot read a room or is thick, You are not going mad, your feelings are valid.
Your partner reversed uno’d. If I get angry and offended then you’ll stop asking me questions and apologize for being the unreasonable one. They are accusing you of not taking their feelings into consideration whilst not taking your feelings into consideration. How would they feel if you took them to a venue your ex works at, changed how you behave by being awkward and cold, acted like they were not there, chatted away with the ex and did not introduce them, and allowed the ex to think they are not that important enough to be introduced as your partner.
How would they feel then? I bet they wouldn’t be ok with it.” Super_Rule_1895
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to make sure you weren’t used as a pawn in your partner’s jealousy. They knew their ex worked there but it still caught them off guard?
And didn’t want to make it awkward? That sounds to me like the ex was actually the one to end the relationship and your partner took you there to make them jealous then got caught up in leftover feels. I have to question if they didn’t make sure the ex was your server.
Even if your partner was the one that ended it, they should have introduced you at the very least. (Or made sure that the ex wasn’t going to be your server.) That’s 100% disrespectful. And the separate checks thing was a total power move. Yes, you could have introduced yourself but I’m not sure I would have in the moment.” JaxBoltsGirl
1. AITJ For Letting My Youngest Brother, Who I Raised, Call Me Mom?
“I (29f) have a very unpleasant home life. My mother died when I was 8 and my father has been horribly absent since then. I have 3 younger brothers 26m, 22m, and 17m but this will be mainly about my 17-year-old brother.
Once my mother died, I started raising my two younger brothers and did literally 95% of the work.
The only thing my father did was give me money weekly for me to buy food and other necessities for us three.
When I was 13, my dad brought home my youngest brother who was a few months old. I didn’t know he existed, much less that my father was seeing someone.
Me and my father had a horrible fight that night and we have rarely ever talked since then.
Now, I 100% raised all three of my brothers. But with my eldest brother, let’s call him Jake, he remembered a life before our mother died for the longest bit.
He resented me his whole life, the classic “you’re not my mom” stuff when he was junior high age. So I never viewed him in a son role and he most definitely never viewed me in a motherly role.
With my middle brother, let’s call him Sam, he was a baby when our mother died. As he grew up, he would occasionally call me mom but I would shut it down mostly and remind him of our mother and that I’m just “sissy”.
He definitely viewed me more in a motherly role than Jake did but he still viewed me as a sister.
With my youngest brother, however, let’s call him Henry. He 100% views me as a mom and I look at him as my son. I know I’m not his mom but I know absolutely nothing about her.
I have her first and last name but cannot find anything about her anywhere. When he was young and started calling me mom, I would try to remind him that I’m not his mom, I’m his sister. But after a bit, I just gave up.
Now here’s the issue at hand. I was on my break at work yesterday and I texted the group chat with my husband (30m), daughter (10f) and Henry asking what they wanted for dinner and what they wanted picked up from the store. Henry texted “just some chips, thanks Mom” and I thought nothing of it.
Then my coworker (24f) looked over my shoulder and found it very strange that my brother was calling me mom.
I would say that this coworker and I are decent friends. We’ve gotten drinks a few times after work and I’ve talked to her a bit about my family life.
I tried to explain to her yesterday our situation and how I’ve raised him since he was 3 months old but she just didn’t budge. She then went around our job telling others that my brother calls me mom. I really don’t understand why this is an issue and why other coworkers are “picking sides” but I would say 60% of the people she has told agree and think my brother calling me mom is strange, while the others just don’t care which, fair.
I’m just simply not understanding the issue to this and I’m genuinely wanting people’s opinions lol.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your co-workers are idiots. He was given to you when he was a few months old, you were the mother figure in his WHOLE-aware life.
Other than the fact he is your half-brother on paper, you are in fact, his mom. He cried to you at night, got comfort from you, was fed and cleaned by you. He knows no other parent other than you. Can I just add that people like you are so aspiring to me – the amount of strength and self-sacrificing that were needed to raise your brothers is insane by every measure, and only a woman of steel can pull this off.
Live happily and prosper.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. it’s a massive compliment, to your ability to raise your brother, that he’s comfortable giving you the title, for the position you fill in his life. I called several people Uncle and Auntie growing up, but they weren’t ‘real’ family, they were my parents’ friends.
They treated us like we were their real nephew and nieces, so deserved the title. No one but you and your brother have a right to have an opinion about what he calls you. It’s awesome that he feels that way about you, ignore the cruel remarks, and keep being the best mom that you can be to your daughter and your brother.” SmurfettiBolognese
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your coworkers are laughable idiots. Of course you’re his mother. He has known no other. If your middle brother called you mom or “momma your name”, that would be ok too if it’s ok with you. You did the work.
They value you as a mother. With the nonsense you were all dealt with, why wouldn’t you take this collective win? People hung up on biology and not accepting other family dynamics are limited and somehow stunted in their human growth. They’re likely the type that is always at odds with their stepchildren because they’re always unnecessarily pointing out to the children that they are other.” Ok_Routine9099
