People Want To Gather Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Eat Seafood?
“I (27 m) am allergic to seafood, unfortunately, my (25 f) partner adores it.
Ever since we got together, about 3 years, she’s made an effort to eat it as less as possible which I appreciate however I wish she’d completely stop, to be honest.
The other day she went out with her friends at a restaurant.
When she got back home I tried to kiss her but she stopped me and told me she just ate seafood. I got a bit disappointed because I was looking forward to spending some time together with her and I told her as much and then I said that maybe it would be better if she’d just give up on seafood altogether.
I know she likes it but sometimes it can be an inconvenience to me and I feel like she should be willing to give up on such a small thing for us. She got upset by my request and said that she loves me but that she’s sorry cuz she’s not giving up on eating it and that lowering the number of times she does was already enough.
Her family eats seafood often and she grew up eating a lot of it so I kinda get why it would be hard for her to give up on it but I think that if she cared enough she’d be willing to do it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It sounds like she takes precautions. Doesn’t eat it at home and warns you not to kiss/be intimate with her when she’s recently eaten seafood.
The reason you asked her to give it up was not that she’s risking your health or engaging in dangerous behaviors to your health, it’s that you want her to give up something she enjoys so that you can get some whenever you want.
I can all but guarantee she isn’t going out for seafood every night so it’s completely reasonable that you can keep it in your pants on the rare occasions she gets to enjoy seafood.” sadArtax
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re being selfish you even say it here. ‘I know she likes it but sometimes it can be an inconvenience to me’. If she already limited it you should be proud and happy she’s already making a sacrifice for you you.
I’d say you’d be lucky next time she doesn’t eat seafood and then kiss you out of spite. Everyone has ticks that their partners genuinely don’t like but we put up with it why because we care about each other’s happiness not demand them to stop something (reasonably) harmless.
We may compromise on those ticks like not always eating seafood but we don’t force them to stop what they love doing.” liquidfoxsnake
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your partner has already done more than enough in making an effort to eat less seafood which will be an inconvenience to her.
She will have thought of her day out with friends to be the perfect chance to enjoy some of her favorite food which is totally reasonable. Also, you can spend time together with your partner without having to kiss her.
Linking how much she cares about you to her giving up seafood is ridiculous and immature.” Spare_Excuse_4833
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Cousin And His Kid?
“My cousin Jeremy (30s m) and I (21 f) were somewhat close when I was a kid.
When he’d visit or we’d go by him and his mom (different states) he and I would play video games, or football, do stuff as a group, etc.
Jeremy had kids and got married a few years ago.
His mom moved back here a few years ago. So Jeremy and his family visit once or twice a year.
I go to school and work, part-time.
Jeremy (and his mom when she’d visit) thinks everyone’s life stops when he visits.
He won’t give much notice either.
Summer of 2021 it worked out that I was off while he was in town. He invited me to go to the zoo with him, his wife, and his kids.
I’m not really a kid person but he kept nagging me so I went.
His daughter Jenny is a good little girl. She’s smart and polite and a fun kid. His son Jimmy is a different story.
Jimmy is argumentative and rude.
I had a knee brace on because I have patella femoral syndrome, our zoo is huge and I didn’t want my knee to get sore. Jenny asked about it and I said it’s to help my knee.
Jimmy decided to keep walking in front of me or stop short, then asked if it hurt my knee. It didn’t but it was annoying. Jeremy told him to knock it off, but Jimmy kept doing it and claiming he forgot.
Jimmy is argumentative. He kept trying to debate me about stuff with different animals. I didn’t care enough and I’m not arguing with a kid so I just said “ok sure” and moved on.
So he kept insisting that meant he was right and smarter than me.
He kept wanting snacks, I swear every snack stand we passed he wanted something, but his parents said no. Then he started asking me.
I said no. So he asked why not and said I have a job so I should buy it for him.
Anyway, I don’t want to be around Jimmy unless it’s a bigger group.
I ended up telling my aunt about how he acted. She said ‘he’s a kid’ and blah blah blah. Then she told my mom that Jimmy gets bullied at school and Jeremy doesn’t understand why.
I guess now they think he has Asperger’s. My aunt told my mom and I earlier this year. She acted like his behavior is ok because of that though. I still don’t want to be around him.
Anyway, Jeremy was here for Thanksgiving. He text me in October and said we should meet up and to let him know when I’m off. I had no intention of doing that.
Between work and school my first day off was Thanksgiving, my mom and I did our own thing.
I was also off Black Friday. I met up with some friends and did lunch and drinks Friday. I never told Jeremy when I was off. A friend of mine posted a selfie of us Friday.
Jeremy went home Monday. Apparently, he has seen the post and said something to his mom about how ‘getting wasted with my friends was more important than seeing family, and he used to do stuff with me so I should return the favor with his kids’.
My mom said I should have just hung out with them for a little while at least and Jimmy is a kid I should let it go.
AITJ for blowing off my cousin because I don’t wanna deal with his kid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re 21 and just starting out life as an adult, Jeremy should remember what it’s like to be 21 and wanting to go out with friends on your downtime, which you know gets limited as an adult.
His son sounds like a nightmare and I wouldn’t want to be around him either. What you should have done is explain to Jeremy why you didn’t want to hang out with him, and try to open his eyes a bit on how his son acts.
That age is old enough to know to knock that crap off.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – you did miss out on time with your niece, who sounds like a nice kid and might have enjoyed seeing you Would an hour have been bearable for her?
However, totally get that your nephew is obnoxious and that unchecked behavior is really hard to put up with. I suspect it’s going to only get worse now that they have a ‘diagnosis’ to ‘blame’ for all his bad acting going forward.
He’s going to be lucky to see adulthood with that kind of behavior because his peers aren’t going to put up with it.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – hanging out when you are both young and single is different from adult life where there are now partners and kids vs single.
You could have offered to meet with just Jeremy or Jeremy and his wife without kids. After all, your Aunt doesn’t see any issues with how Jimmy acts so watching him while his parents go out shouldn’t be an issue.” PurpleBugBull
20. AITJ For Not Cutting Down The Family Christmas Hike?
“Ever since I can remember, our family has always gone on a hike the morning of Christmas. We did it all through my childhood, my husband’s family did it, and my friend’s families are similar, though for some it’s just a walk, or some go into the city and do an easy 5 or 10k run.
My son Porter has been seeing Emily for the past 6 months. I’m happy she’s going to join us. They’re coming from the city about 3 hours away so they’ll be staying overnight.
I’ve met Emily before and think she’s a great match for Porter. I know there’s all that hoopla about the MIL/DIL dynamic and I just have no time for any of that.
If Porter likes her and she treats him with kindness, and he the same who am I to complain?
I skyped with them on Thanksgiving, just making plans for who’s bringing what for Christmas, gifts, and such, and I mentioned that she should remember to bring her hiking boots but we’ll have plenty of yaktrax if the trails are icy.
She was visibly confused and asked what for, so I explained. She got quiet and asked if she had to. I said no, of course, she doesn’t have to, but we’ve always done this and I was surprised Porter didn’t mention it.
The next day, Porter called and explained that Emily is not in great shape and would struggle with keeping up, even on one of the easier trails nearby. He said that maybe we can just do a nice short family walk in the neighborhood this year so she feels more welcome.
I said that maybe the two of them can hang back and enjoy a nice quiet morning before the festivities begin while the rest of us go for the hike. I remember being young with Porter’s father and how special those early Christmas mornings always were.
Plus this will be her first time with the family and it’s going to be a LOT.
Porter got annoyed and said I’m not hearing him. He said that he really thinks we need to cut the hike down or make different plans.
I told him in return that this is a family tradition that goes back for years, and changing it for one person isn’t fair to the rest of the family. We’re at a stalemate.
I even said that if they hang back for the morning, I’d be happy to go on a nice walk with Emily and Porter later in the day during a quiet moment.
He said I’m still not hearing him.
AITJ for not being willing to downgrade the hike to a little stroll around the neighborhood?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when people say ‘you’re not hearing me’ or ‘Maybe you didn’t hear me’ I find it annoying and rude always have even as a child.
You gave him compromises, said she didn’t have to participate if she didn’t want to, said they could hang back and you could go on a small stroll the three of you later.
Your son does not get to decide what the whole family does, but to be honest you shouldn’t either maybe ask the other family members what they think first instead of deciding for them just an idea.” DisneyLove1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Porter sure is.
Porter knew what the family tradition was before he invited his partner. Porter never mentioned it to his partner. When it finally came up, Porter just expected everyone else to change their plans and long-standing tradition.
The chutzpah!
Porter knowingly put his partner in an uncomfortable position, while risking the opinion of the rest of the family for making the entire family change everything to accommodate her.
His partner is likely very upset, and understandably so.
Porter did that. Not you.
Porter and his partner can do their own thing while the rest of the family takes their traditional hike – he does not get to dictate to you that you can’t.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the reason Porter keeps saying ‘You’re not hearing me’ is because you keep giving him options that won’t solve his problem.
What he is saying is ‘Our family tradition will make Emily feel left out and insecure.’
What you are saying is ‘If you want, we can leave you out too, or I can single her out in some other way.’
Don’t get me wrong, you don’t owe it to either Porter or Emily to change the tradition at all, but Porter isn’t going to feel heard until you say something like ‘I understand that you want us to change our plans to spare Emily’s feelings, but we’re not going to do that because Emily’s feelings about her fitness are hers to manage.
If you have any suggestions for things we can do in addition to the planned hike, let’s have them, but the traditional hike is going forward’.” kittyroux
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband's Mother For Being A Lousy Uninvited Guest?
“My husband (39 M) ended up in the hospital this weekend with pneumonia, so his mother dropped everything and drove halfway across the country (16 hours) to visit without warning.
My husband’s health has been delicate recently, and we’re in the stages of seeing different specialists and trying to get answers.
Since my MIL has been here, it’s been tough on all of us.
Our guest room has a large daybed, so my husband has been sleeping in there since it’s easier for him to sleep sitting up to prevent coughing. But now my MIL has the guest room, so my husband hasn’t been getting much sleep.
She also hasn’t been doing anything useful. While I’m at work, my husband says she just watches tv all day. He’s been doing chores like walking the dog and making himself lunch.
Worse, next week, we could really use some help getting him to a doctor an hour from here.
I’ve already taken so much time off of work that it would be a huge help if she could take him. However, she says she has to leave before then for a dentist appointment.
Last night, I yelled at her for not helping around the house and showing up without planning. I feel that she’s being really selfish by coming here without warning, inconveniencing us, and not even helping around the house.
I don’t expect her to clean, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to take care of him while I’m at work. He doesn’t even need much; bringing him a drink or sandwich would be super helpful.
She’s been sulking ever since I yelled at her. My husband doesn’t have the energy to handle this. Am I a jerk? Is there another light I can see this in? I’m just stressed out that now we have to take care of a guest when we’re already in crisis mode.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She showed up uninvited with what I assume was the intention to be there for her son while he was sick. You’re right, she shouldn’t have to clean the house, but not even offer to walk the dog with him in case something happened… why is she there?
I think you’re seeing it clearly and it has been an added stress in an already stressful time.” spitzzy
Another User Comments:
“On one hand, she is a guest, but she showed up unannounced. She intruded into your home without invitation because who cares about invitations?
She brought him into this world, so she can intrude on him whenever she wants (if it’s not obvious, this is sarcasm, by the way).
You have boundaries. She has broken very rudely them.
She is there to support her son but isn’t exactly supportive of him. She won’t even take the time to help him. She won’t even take the time to get him to his doctor.
Why is she even still at your house? She’s not even remotely helping out at all. She’s just there wasting your time and not even contributing to helping with his declining health, and if she’s not expecting to assist her son while she’s there, she has absolutely no reason to be there other than wasting space in your home.
I would tell MIL to pack her bags and go back home since she obviously doesn’t feel any obligation to really be there for her son.
NTJ” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“She came without an invitation.
She took the bed the sick person needs, away from him.
She’s taking a vacation, while the sick person does the chores.
Kick her out now. Yesterday. She’s made the situation worse, not better.
She’s not helping. Find someone else to drive him to the appointment, or hire someone. Having the house to himself is better than having her there.
NTJ. She is. She’s taking advantage to take a vacation, while you are in crisis, and she’s doing nothing to help.
She’s making it all worse, not better. She needs to go, now.
If you have to, pack up her suitcase, put it in her car, and send her off. If she won’t go, call the police to escort her out.
She’s terrible. She’s shown no concern or care at all, in her actions, for either of you. She needs to go. Doesn’t matter what words she says, her actions belie them.” blueberryyogurtcup
18. AITJ For Not Taking The Photo With My Phone?
“I (19, NB) recently entered a photography contest. The rules were very plain and just stated to follow the theme, no post-processing, and the photo must be your original work. There was no mention of ‘only phones allowed’ or anything like that.
I have an older beginner DSLR and enjoy photography as a hobby, so I took a photo and entered. When judging came around, it became clear that I was the only one who didn’t take my entry with a phone.
For the record, I don’t really think about phone photography because my Note 10 came with a defective camera. Someone I knew from high school recognized me and got angry that I entered with a ‘professional’ camera and obviously, I would win because of that (his words).
The results still aren’t out, it’s supposed to be one more day. AITJ?
When I asked a friend-ish group about it, they said I should have been able to tell by the flyers that it was meant for ‘ordinary’ (I don’t know what this is supposed to mean) photographers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If it was not on the info that it was supposed to be on a phone then you did nothing wrong. Also, any kind of amateur/serious photographers generally use actual DSLRs or other actual cameras rather than phones because of the use of lenses, etc. So I dunno what they were talking about.
You’re still an amateur photographer with a decent camera, for Pete’s sake.” Sammyg2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there weren’t any rules about what kind of camera you could use, it’s not your problem that everyone else chose to use a phone.
It really shouldn’t even matter. You can take a really beautiful picture on a cell phone, and you can take a really crappy picture on an expensive DSLR. It’s not 2007 when everyone was using a flip phone with like 0.2 megapixels.
Cell phone cameras have gotten insanely good. Your friend sounds like they don’t really know anything about photography and are one of those people who assumes that nicer cameras magically produce professional quality photos on their own.” CumulativeHazard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You acted within the rules of the contest.
DSLRs are not ‘professional’ cameras. They are just a digital version of a style of camera that has decades of history behind them.
One that’s just a step up from point-and-shot designs.
In fact, camera manufacturers probably sell more of their SLRs, digital or non, to hobbyists than they do to true pros.
In many ways, the no post-processing rule is more important than the camera style.
A pro or expert amateur can do a lot with good photo software to clean up a photo.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
17. AITJ For Demanding An Apology Letter From My Nephew?
“I (F 45) have 2 siblings (M 51, and F 53), our families and our parents (M 76 and F 75) recently went on a cruise together. My husband and I have 2 kids, Leo and Mia (M 15, F 11). My brother and his wife have 2 kids, Ian and Aria (M 13 and F 11).
My sister and her husband have 3 kids, Summer, Cadyn, and Chase (F 16, M 14, M 11).
The cruise had many fun moments, but there was also quite a bit of fighting, the majority of which was caused by Chase.
I love my nephew, I really do but it’s hard denying Chase has become a horrible person. Chase is a massive bully, his most recent incident of getting into trouble in school happened a few weeks ago when he and a friend were caught saying racist slurs to other classmates.
Chase is also in the 5th grade still because he was held back last year after failing due to a lack of completing assignments. While I love my sister as well, the way she and her husband are parenting Chase is destructive.
Whenever he does something bad, they ‘talk to him about why it was wrong’ and don’t do anything else. I have never seen Chase show any form of remorse or regret for his actions.
The bad behavior for Chase started pretty quickly, at dinner on the first night of the cruise, he was extremely rude to our waiter, demanding the food come out faster and getting mad when others got their food first. After dinner, all the kids went to the arcade on the ship, when they came back, a few of the kids were saying Chase was being mean to other kids in the room.
Chase and Cadyn have a rocky relationship, and the meanest thing Chase did was to Cadyn. Cadyn is a good kid and loves sports, especially baseball, and lacrosse. Our family is all atheists, this is also true for Cadyn’s dad’s side of the family as well, but Cadyn has become religious in the past few years.
Sports played a big role in him becoming religious/Christian, Cadyn is a good kid and never uses his religion to hurt others, and doesn’t hate non-believers. Cadyn wears a necklace every day that is like a cross necklace but incorporates baseball into the design, like a necklace made for Christian baseball fans.
While Cadyn was showering, Chase thought it would be funny to steal it. Cadyn gets out of the shower and freaks out about not finding it until Summer sees Chase with the necklace and gives it to him.
We celebrate Christmas every year by going to my parent’s house for breakfast, where they give them gifts, and then dinner at my house where we do Secret Santa. When we got home, after seeing Chase’s behavior, I told him and his parents that until he wrote a letter apologizing for his behavior to staff, bullying in the arcade, and making his own separate note to Cayden, that he was not allowed at my house on Christmas.
His parents said I was ‘overreacting’ to Chase’s behavior, and my parents agreed with that notion. However, my husband thinks I’m not, and Cadyn has said he hasn’t forgiven Chase.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While Chase sounds like a bit of a nightmare, he wasn’t even bullying YOUR child, but his older brother. You can disagree with your sister’s parenting tactics all you want, but threatening to exclude this kid (and effectively his entire family) from a significant portion of Christmas unless your demand for an apology from an 11-year-old to mostly strangers is total jerk behavior.
Maybe try to have a serious conversation with your sister about it instead? Not sure why religion was even brought up, to be honest, but felt weird.” RolandWayne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Chase can write all the letters you want him to, but that doesn’t mean he will stop the behavior.
It’s possible that banning him would mean the others cannot/will not attend due to travel logistics.
My suggestion is to have a very clear, in writing, list of expectations and consequences for the day (keep it short) such as what behavior is expected and what will not be tolerated. Which rooms/spaces are off-limits without direct arms-reach supervision by either his parent or a responsible adult?
Let Chase and his parents know this ahead of their visit. Your house, your rules.
Most importantly, let the other children and guests know that you’re working to make your home a welcoming and safe place, and focus on a good experience for them.
Hopefully, if someone is basically Chase’s shadow he won’t have the opportunity to be a little jerk, and if he is, he gets called out and stopped immediately. Do not let him out of your sight!
I know that makes it a pain for you, but it sends a strong message not only to him but to his victims that you’re serious and care about them.” MoHo3square3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s not your job to correct Chase’s behavior and you’re getting him to apologize about things he has primarily seemed to have done to other people.
It’d be one thing if you were requiring him to apologize to your kids for a wrong but instead, you expect him to write an apology for how he treated third parties and Cadyn.
Most importantly, I think ostracizing a budding anti-social kid is just going to solidify their destructive behaviors rather than mollify them. Chase needs real intervention and help here and would be better served by a frank discussion with your sister about your concerns.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
First, none of your children were involved in the situation you’re describing.
You are saying that you didn’t like the way your sister handled how her youngest kid harassed her middle kid.
And so you are banning the youngest kid from extended family gatherings at your house until your sister does the punishment for her kid that you’ve decided on, even though none of your kids are involved in this at all.
That’s… way overstepping. In the end, your sister is going to be the one to arbitrate disagreements between two of her own children the way she decides to. Not the way a random uncle thinks should happen.
You have no dog in this fight. Cadyn isn’t your kid. Chase isn’t your kid. Not even Summer is your kid. Your sister is the one who decides how to parent her kid.
You may not approve, but that doesn’t mean you get to force her to do it your way. And if you try, you are just going to alienate everyone in the family. You’re the aunt, not the co-parent.
Also, the kid is 11. You’re acting like it’s time to give up on him. Yes, he’s doing crappy things. All kids do crappy things. All kids go through bad stages that, left unchecked, will leave them with critical character flaws.
Cutting the kid off isn’t really going to help with that. Trying to force your sister to do the punishment that you’ve decided on in this particular instance also isn’t going to help with that.
I think you’re just frustrated to see them letting all this slide. That can be the conversation – but you should be having it with the parent, your sister. You can express that you are concerned about how Chase is acting out.
You can suggest she look into counseling for him or the family. You can bring up solutions if she vents to you – once. But if you try to force your sister to do this note thing because you don’t agree with how she handled a fight between 2 of her kids, they are going to get mad and not come, and then you will lose whatever influence you could use to help the situation out.
Go ahead and watch the kids like a hawk, and correct in cases where you have the standing to do so – like when your kids are involved. Once your kid is involved, it’s okay to correct that.
But if they aren’t involved, I won’t directly punish kids when they are misbehaving at family things, but I will totally be like ‘Mom of spawn x, get over here’ in a tone that shows I expect her to take care of the stuff her kid is doing.
If you see him bothering waiters, it’s okay to get your sister’s attention, look at her son, and tell her ‘Really?’ Remind her that she needs to parent, but don’t demand that she do it exactly the way you’ve decided she should, because that is a fight you will not win.” Akeath
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Roommate's Caregiver?
“I’m a college student, F20. I live in a dorm room with my roommate who we’ll name Sarah, she’s F20 as well. Sarah is autistic so everyone gives her easy treatment, even our professors.
It stresses me out because everyone is expectant of me to be her caregiver, which didn’t bother me at first but it became an issue later on.
She leaves her clothes on the floor and even on my bed, she always asks me to cook for her and clean up after her.
When I confront her about it, she uses her autism as an excuse.
Everyone I’ve vented to says that I should cut her some slack, saying stuff about how she doesn’t know better.
Although, I KNOW she can take care of herself because she did things herself just fine before everyone started to baby her. She cooked for herself, cleaned after herself, and did all her chores herself.
Since I’m the only one who knows how capable she is, I stopped being a caregiver to her. I’ve been getting backlash from her friends and family because of this but I don’t care anymore because it’s just getting out of hand.
AITJ for not wanting to look after my autistic roommate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Neurodivergent people are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and anyone who is telling her otherwise is doing her a massive disservice.
It’s honestly so disrespectful of them (to both of you) to act like it’s your job to take care of another person who is your age and not profoundly disabled. Even if your roommate were profoundly disabled, it would not be your job to take care of her.
People get paid for that crap.” Sunflakes2012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, talk to the admin team and see if you can change the arrangement of rooms or try to get a single. If it doesn’t work out that way then find a way to get in touch with her family because she’s not your child and not your responsibility, you are not being paid to take of her and she knows she can care for herself.
Press admin about this issue and make it clear to her that she can care for herself and that YOU won’t be EVER.” ashnxght
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is called neurodivergence or mental illness may explain why I do what I do, but does not excuse my behavior.
Your roommate is using it as an excuse. And that’s not fair to you. If she’s old enough to be in a roommate position. Then she’s old enough to look out for herself to some degree.
I’m not saying it’s not nice to do things for people. But there’s a difference between that and getting stepped on. Or worse, guilted. You’ll end up resenting her.
You’re not her mom and you don’t owe her. I think it’s time for you guys to have a roommate sit down. And just lay out the expectations. If she asks for things like dinner after.
Tell her no. And leave it at that.
Also, if your friends and family are so concerned. Perhaps they can get together and make a rotation. People can cook her things that are easy to put in the oven or something.” WbdigoQueenie
15. AITJ For Snitching On My Sister's Brother-In-Law?
“My nephew (4 M) loves tattoos because my sister’s in-laws are all covered in them. If you don’t watch him close enough he’ll draw some on himself or his little sister (3 F).
Her brother-in-law was supposed to be watching them while she went on a date with her husband. I went sightseeing but I got back early and my niece and nephew were both covered in scribbles.
Her brother-in-law was on the phone and didn’t even notice until I told him my sister was going to be angry.
He asked me to help clean my niece up because he thought it would be inappropriate for him to give her a bath.
I told him he didn’t need to give her a bath because he could just wash her arms and since he wasn’t watching the kids properly, he could do it himself.
If it was one of his brothers, I probably would’ve helped him but we don’t get along which is partly why I wouldn’t help.
I did eventually clean my niece up but only because she started crying.
When my sister got back, I told her what happened and to say she was mad would be an understatement. Now her brother-in-law is angry at me and keeps making comments about snitches and so does his younger brother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He wasn’t a jerk for asking for help, he was a bit of a jerk for not paying attention because kids that young need to have a close eye kept on them, but as for cleaning up your niece, you did eventually help so I won’t call you a jerk.
But you shouldn’t refuse to help your niece because you don’t like who is babysitting and you were absolutely right to tell your sister because she has every right to know who she left her kids in the care of wasn’t watching them that closely.
The next time someone makes a comment about snitches, you might want to make a comment back about people who neglect little kids in their care and how protecting them comes before protecting grownups who ought to know better.
For THAT part he is a big huge jerk.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You alerted your sister to the fact your brother-in-law isn’t someone that should babysit. The fact that the worst that happened is your niece being drawn on is the smallest issue involved. The outcome could have been so much worse.” dublos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not a snitch. If he didn’t watch them close enough to keep that from happening, there are plenty of other (much worse things) that could have happened without him noticing.
Your sister absolutely should know if something like that happens under someone else’s watch so she can learn to not let them babysit again.” congratz_its_a_bunny
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Blame My Brother For His Past Decisions?
“So my older brother had issues. He was essentially one of those bratty and evil kids you read stories about.
He got older and got into illegal stuff. Our parents had enough and kicked him out after he became uncontrollable.
It was mostly done for me as I was still pretty young.
We didn’t hear from or about him until he was in his early twenties. Turns out, he was married and had a good job, and a kid on the way.
Now he has 3 kids and is still happily married to a very lovely woman.
We see each other on Christmas, Easter, thanksgiving, and a week during the summer but he mostly comes so our parents can see the kids.
He usually doesn’t say anything and keeps to himself.
At first, I was afraid, confused, and resentful for a lot of things but I have since forgiven him. He’s not a bad guy-honestly never was.
He just needed help.
My parents hosted Thanksgiving and it was pretty normal. The usual.
All of a sudden, there’s a sound of glass breaking. My nephew accidentally dropped a plate while trying to help my mom set it up.
My mom loses it. She starts yelling at him. The poor kid starts sobbing (he’s only 8) and runs to his mom.
My brother obviously asks our mom what that was about and that it was just an accident and my mom immediately goes ‘Oh shut up, maybe if I yelled at you more you wouldn’t have made everyone’s life miserable.’
My brother didn’t even react. He and his wife just gathered their kids and left. My mom immediately started to cry once she realized he wasn’t coming back and said that she didn’t deserve this and that he has no right to keep her away from her grandkids.
I told her that he actually does have the right to do that especially since she lost it on his innocent 8-year-old son.
My mom started to cry even harder and said that she didn’t need my opinion and that she can’t believe I’m on his side after everything he did and everything she did to protect me from his addiction etc. ‘I kicked my child out of the house for you.’ That is what she said.
In a way, I guess she’s right. I probably should’ve kept my mouth shut. But my brother has grown so much as a person and it didn’t feel right to hear her still blame him for the actions of his child/teenage self.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While it is rare, people do change for the better. Yes, he might’ve been a vile jerk in his youth, but as you’ve pointed out, he’s changed and has become a good man.
He needs to know that there are people he’s wronged who at least no longer harbor hostile feelings against him.
Your mother on the other, sounds like she’s got some deeper issues if she’s going off on her grandkid for accidentally breaking a glass plate.
I get that they aren’t cheap, and in some cases, they have sentimental value, but how she exploded on him, then your brother, and finally broke down and blamed him for everything… yeah, something is seriously wrong with her.
She sounds like she needs some therapy.” Turkeysocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, addiction is a hard thing, but it sounds like your brother is on a really good path to staying clean, so it’s bad that your mother still resents him and still treats him like how he used to be instead of how he is right now.
A plate breaking is 100% not a good reason to yell at a child and is a complete accident. Even as a grandparent, she has no right to yell at a child.
By your brother’s reaction, he seems to have learned some healthy coping mechanisms and has his life sorted. Obviously doesn’t excuse the stuff he had done previously but it’s unfair that your mother brought it up when he probably already feels awful over it.
I say he will probably go no contact with her. Your best action is to stay neutral and stay out of it and to keep a good relationship with both sides. Sometimes it’s best to not be involved.
If he does go no contact just make sure you support his decision and not try to persuade him to change his mind. Your mother unfortunately was in the wrong. In cases like this, he certainly does have the right to protect his children from that.
A grandparent having visitation and being able to have a relationship with a grandchild is a privilege that can be revoked but was probably best not to say that because she obviously knew that.
Your mother and brother will sort it out over time, best to not pick a side or try to help mend the relationship. It’s on your mother to apologize to him and actually have a conversation.
I also have a brother who was an addict and did some horrendous stuff, so I do understand the resentment. But your brother isn’t the same person as he was back then.” Typical_Rob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and in fact, thank you for standing up for him. What your mom did was wrong and she should be proud of the man he’s become now instead of holding a grudge for the rebellious son he used to be.
He’s grown a lot and made good things happen for himself. Your mom was also very wrong for screaming at an innocent 8-year-old. Children are fragile and it was over an accident. It’s not like the kid was being intentionally malicious and breaking the plate on purpose.
Like, mom needs therapy to get past some problems. She’s holding onto too much and it doesn’t sound like she’s able to move on without some help.” VixieWillow
13. AITJ For Reselling The Furniture My Brother Gave Me?
“Earlier this year I (28 f) was in financial dire straits.
It’s a long story, but I ended up having to move into a small apartment with my young daughter (3) after I lost a good deal of my possessions. My daughter’s father isn’t in our life.
So, anyway, I was telling my family about how my daughter and I didn’t even have any furniture and my older brother (31 m) told me that he and his wife had recently bought a new living room set and wanted to get rid of their old one.
He said that they were planning to sell it but that I was welcome to it instead and that they really just needed someone to get it off their hands. So I took them up on their offer and got a decent couch, a loveseat, and a coffee table.
The set definitely wasn’t my taste, but at least my daughter and I would have furniture in the living room.
Anyway, I have managed to improve my financial situation quite a bit and so can now afford a new living room set.
So I listed the furniture that my brother had given me on the internet and ended up getting $375 for it.
When my brother found out about it he said that the money should go to him.
He said that he and his wife would have sold it themselves and gotten some money for it but that he gave it to me instead because he wanted to help out his sister and his niece.
However, I think he’s only saying that now; that I did him a favor by taking the furniture off his hands and that it was a gift, and that I did the work to sell it.
Our parents are actually divided; our mom thinks that it is tacky for me to ‘profit off my brother’s generosity’ while our dad thinks that I had a right to do whatever I wanted with the furniture since my brother gave it to me with no strings attached. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While you were perfectly within your rights to do so, I think there is a moral obligation. If someone gifted me furniture I would ask them if they wanted it back, if I didn’t need it anymore.
Maybe if you had talked to your brother before selling it, things would have turned out differently. Of course, he told you, he was happy that someone was taking it off his hands.
He probably felt bad for you but wanted you to save face and not feel like a charity case.
I think you should treat him and his wife to something nice, maybe a dinner.” El_Soportar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your brother was going to sell his old set. He did need someone to take it off his hands, yes, but he could have done just what you did: list it online and find a buyer, even one willing to pay for transportation.
Instead, he found out his sister is in need, and gave that furniture to you.
I’m glad you’re doing well financially now, so well that you covered all your expenses, so now replacing the ugly furniture can be on the priority list (this means you really are worry-free from a financial perspective).
The common sense was to call your brother and ask him for advice. Maybe he would have told you to keep the money (because, when you ask, people have a tendency to act generous).
Maybe he would have told you to sell it and split the cash, or even that he wants all the cash (minus whatever transportation fee you covered when you took the furniture from his place).
Instead, you straight-up sold it, and you don’t even realize how inconsiderate this is. When you give someone an object to use (for free), you do this to help, because you believe that person can really benefit from that object, more than you can benefit from some cash.
But if that person sells it (without consulting you in advance), it’s simply insulting. It’s like they mocked you, pretended that they needed something to basically get some cash.” esk_7140
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and here’s why: You were in ‘dire financial straits,’ and your brother gave you an entire living room set, giving up the money he’d intended to make and graciously telling you that you were helping him by ‘taking it off his hands’ (newsflash: someone else would have taken it off his hands and given him some cash, too).
Just a few months later, you’ve taken the time to fix up this furniture and made a profit off what was given to you as a gift? Who wouldn’t be mad, in his place?
He pitched in to help when you were in a bad spot, did so without making you feel like a charity case, and one of the first things you do when you get back on your feet is to earn something from what was given to you.
If you’d made it more to your style and kept it, that would have worked. Or talked to him, saying that you really appreciated his help and now that you were in a better place, you no longer needed it, then asked what he wanted you to do with it, that would have been fine.
YTJ.” Pink_RubberDucky
12. AITJ For Not Lending My Mother-In-Law $25000?
“My husband and I were invited to his parents’ house this past weekend. We arrive, but FIL wasn’t there. MIL sat us down and asked for $25,000. We were stunned, and asked why.
She was equivocating, but we have a good idea since she was always irresponsible with finances. He told me growing up she was a stay-at-home mom with a lot of free time so she’d regularly spend hours at the expensive grocery stores and buy a lot of pricey groceries that they’d eventually throw out.
She still does this, I’ve seen her buy 5 bushels of farmers market fruit NOT to eat, but because she likes the smell. Then throw it out. She’d lie about the cost of things, regularly treat her friends to dinners out, etc. There are no secret vices, it’s stuff like that that adds up.
It was the source of all the conflict in the house. FIL put her on an allowance of sorts, so she opened up her own credit card, and here we are. My husband suggested therapy in the past (for all her issues), but seems like she won’t go.
Probably relevant that I earn more than my husband which is why she brought me into it, she knows my husband doesn’t have that kind of cash. Anyway, this is where I may be a jerk.
So after our questions, my husband tells her we’d have to think about it. I just blurted out, ‘Uhhhh no. Sorry but no. Can’t do it.’ I was surprised by how blunt I was since our arms-length relationship is predicated on extreme politeness.
My husband looked at me like, ‘What are you doing?’, and she looked wounded.
After we left, he told me I should have let him deal with this, and I made her feel lower than she did.
He said he wouldn’t have given her anything unless we agreed. I mean, she asked me too, so…
Was I the jerk for shutting my MIL down like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I definitely think that face-to-face is the best way to handle this, so I don’t understand how it could be deemed negative. She asked both of you in person, so if you left it to your husband to deal with, you wouldn’t get to say your piece.
When you’re talking about such a huge amount, blunt honesty is needed. If there was a chance you would be able to, you could have taken the opportunity to ask her questions, and sort out terms there and then.
but instead, it was not possible, so you nipped it in the bud immediately.
If she asked for less or explained a serious issue, it would have been different. But I would probably have blurted out the same thing.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She brought you into this, you can answer out of it. And make sure your husband doesn’t financially aid her either. It’ll only enable her and show her that he’ll bail her out.
And certainly, make sure you separate your finances so he doesn’t use your money to do anything stupid.
I’d also tell FIL. This is too large a sum of money to conceal from him.
He could have a heart attack when he finds out! At least you can come together and try to get her some kind of help.” Est666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was asking you for money, you have a right to say no. It would likely have been a better move to ‘discuss’ with your husband so that he could go back to her and say, ‘We tried to find money in our budget but we just don’t have it right now.’ But, you were honest. She has a problem, and until she hits rock bottom she may never admit that the problem is her.
She probably still thinks that the problem is the money, but it’s not the money. It’s her inability to control her spending. If you paid off her credit card for her, she’ll be back within 6 months asking for another $25k.
Hubby should be grateful that you took the heat for this one because his mom can be upset with you instead of him.” Oxfordcomma42
11. WIBTJ If I Want To Get Custody Of My Ex's Daughter?
“My (f 38) ex (m 40, let’s call him Adam) and I were together for 7 years.
He was married before meeting me, and they had a daughter. His wife tragically passed when his little girl (let’s call her Olivia) was 5. Two years later, Adam decided to start going out again.
He and I started seeing each other shortly after. I fell for him, but I loved Olivia even more. She was 7 when I met her, and she was apprehensive of me at first, she didn’t want a new Mom, understandably.
However, Olivia and I grew close very quickly. She and I did everything together. Although it was hard to suddenly have a kid to watch over, I loved her. I stayed up with her when she was sick, took her out for ice cream, celebrated birthdays with her, everything.
When she was 9, she asked if she could call me her Mom, and I said yes. I love that girl with my whole self. I quickly fell out of love with Adam. Sadly, Adam, he was not a great father or partner.
He got angry a lot, and one time when Olivia was 12, I had to lock her and me in a closet to get away from him. He was explosive. He screamed at Olivia over the smallest things.
I had to step in all the time to help her. I wanted to leave him, but if I did, I would lose Olivia. She begged me to stay with her.
It just got worse Adam got angrier, and I ended up needing to take Olivia to my parents’ home with me for a few days until he calmed down on several different occasions.
One time, Adam went so far as to try and hurt Olivia. I stopped him, and I called the police. When they got there, Adam made some big scene about how I was overreacting.
Olivia even told them what he tried to do, but nothing came of it.
Once she turned 14 I told her that I wanted to leave Adam and take her with me. She told me she would give anything to leave her Dad and stay with me.
I never got to do that though, because Adam broke up with me a month later. He had been having an affair and wanted to stay with the other woman. Olivia was crushed. I was kicked out of his home and got an apartment.
I visited Olivia every chance I got. She is begging me to take her with me, she says that it is unbearable at home, and nobody defends her when her Dad gets explosive.
Adam recently banned me from seeing Olivia, but we still text and call and try and sneak out to see each other.
My family is urging me to try and get custody of her, but Adam’s family says that I would be a jerk, that he had already lost his wife, and to take his daughter would just be cruel.
They told me that I was just her Dad’s ex, and there is no way that I can get custody, as I am in no way legally Olivia’s mother.
I want to get custody of Olivia so badly, but I don’t even know where to begin.
I am, after all, just the Dad’s ex.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I have no idea where you stand legally, I would suggest getting a lawyer, but you would definitely not be the jerk!
It’s tragic that Adam lost his wife but it doesn’t excuse the way he treats Olivia, yes it would be sad for him to lose her but it would probably be the best thing that could happen for her.
You want to give her a safe, stable life and that doesn’t make you the jerk even more that Olivia wants to be with you.
NTJ, please get her away from that situation before something tragic happens and you blame yourself for not acting soon enough.” DoveSkadi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at 14 she has a voice and should be heard. Obviously, she’s not old enough to take huge decisions alone, but it’s important that someone fights for her.
One note though: her family is right, you’re not legally her mother (even if the whole point is to eventually be), so if you two sneak out to see each other against the explicit will of her legal father this could have legal repercussions and jeopardize your claim.
I am not a lawyer, and laws vary between states but few places are ok with adults outside the family spending time with your kid against parent’s approval.” cym13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Reach out to a lawyer and to child services to see how to go about this.
The child wants to be with you and considers you a parent at this point, and that man is dangerous to her and others.
With Olivia’s age and your history with her, there may very well be a chance.
Especially if SHE starts reporting to child services what goes on at home. She can report to teachers, adults, therapists, POLICE, and anyone, and they will take it seriously. You are then a witness and secondary victim to corroborate the instances (along with prior police involvement and family/friends vouching for instances).
You have a way to offer her stability, safety, and love whereas he will have law enforcement eyeballing him.” C_Alex_author
10. AITJ For Not Defending My Wife While She Was Having A Meltdown?
“Wife and I have 3 kids and our last born almost did her in. She and our son were hospitalized for a week and it was incredibly nerve-wracking and traumatic. Also, my wife does not like dogs (more so she doesn’t like ‘dog moms/dads’ but you get my point).
She has more than enough reason not to. She has many, many reasons and all of them are valid.
As you can imagine, we do not have dogs. Never plan to either. My family is huge on animals though, dogs especially.
My parents however are very much so respectful of my wife’s concerns when it comes to dogs around our kids and they never, ever push the issue. My sister is the complete opposite.
She has 2 German Shepherds, a Great Dane, and two ankle biters of some sort that are Heeler breed mixes. They go everywhere with her, including to her job. My wife avoids family gatherings that involve my sister and I don’t blame her.
When we host at our place, the dogs are not invited which means my sister hardly ever comes. This has caused fights in the past because my sister says we are denying ‘her children’ happiness and family time.
She knows about my wife’s severe trauma and thinks she should just get over it, basically. My wife is in therapy, by the way. So please don’t pull the ‘your wife needs therapy’ lines.
Anywho: we hosted dinner at our place yesterday evening and my sister decided to join us for once. At some point, it got on the topic of traumatic births. My wife doesn’t generally talk about hers but my mom started asking questions (she went through a traumatic birth herself so it was an innocent conversation).
My sister continuously interjected with stories about her dog and was minimizing my wife’s struggles in a way that I’m sure affected her more than me. Basically saying ‘Every mom goes through struggles, EVEN DOG MOMS and it’s not that serious’.
At one point I did tell my sister to shut up but she kept at it. My wife fully snaps. Stands up from the table, slams her fists, and starts berating my sister saying ‘I don’t care about your mutts, nor do I care to hear about your imaginary struggles of being a mom when you don’t have children and have never almost died and lost your baby at the same time.’ This led to her screaming at my sister to get out of the house and told her she had better never show her face here again.
I have never seen my wife like this. It was clearly bottled for a long time. Everyone was silent. I told my wife to calm down and stop engaging in the conversation. I wasn’t condescending or being a jerk.
I was calm and just trying to calm her down. But the second I said that she looked at me and said ‘Are you seriously not going to defend me right now?’ And left the house.
She is at her mom’s with the kids. My mom says I shouldn’t have said anything. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife and child almost died and your sister was trying to make the conversation about her and ‘her mutts’.
She was being condescending to both the women sharing horror stories in what should have been a safe environment. Your wife snapped because she did have it bottled up. YOU should have been the one to say, ‘Sis this conversation is not about you.
You need to drop your part or please leave.’ You did not, then you shamed your wife by not saving your well-meaning but badly timed remarks for later in the evening. You chose your sister by what you did, good intentions or not.
You owe your wife a public apology and a big one. So does your sister, though she also owes one to the other woman in the story too. (Is this woman her mom too?)” Unusual_Variant
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your wife was in the middle of an episode because your sister wouldn’t shut up, and you wouldn’t physically kick your sister out.
The absolute last thing to say to a person in the middle of an emotional outburst is to say calm down.
This is like pouring gasoline on a wildfire. Your wife was extremely upset about a deeply personal traumatic experience. She needed you to be on her side immediately remove the trigger from her presence and then comfort her.
She needed you to be her knight in shining armor to save her, and you were like a school teacher, scolding her for talking out of turn. She needed a hug, not advice.
So, if you want your wife and kids back, you need to apologize for not being her protector when she needed one. You should have stopped the conversation sooner and told your sister to shut her trap or you were physically kicking her out of the house.
Your sister had no intention of shutting up because she wanted her say.
Your lesson for the future is when someone is having an emotional breakdown, which is what your wife was having, she was not in control of her emotions and is not capable of taking instructions.
Your only move is to remove the trigger and provide support and comfort.
She can’t trust you now. You didn’t stand up for her when she needed you the most. So she can’t trust you which is why she took the kids and went to her parents.
And she isn’t going to come back until she can trust you again.” User
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but YTJ.
From your perspective, you would just like to be able to have a family gathering that didn’t devolve into this ‘dogs are not children’ argument.
But I will tell you that I don’t know a single person who will calm down when you tell them to ‘calm down.’ The very words are insulting because you’re basically telling them that they are being irrational. That they are wrong to be getting upset.
You don’t mention yourself interjecting at all, backing up your wife’s points before the final blowup. Nor did you take her side when you finally did speak up. The most charitable thing I can think of is that you were trying to be a good host, but you were certainly being a bad husband.
Your sister is objectively WRONG. I say this as a husband, father, and pet owner. It is just fine for people to get parental feelings about their pets. But your sister did not give birth to her dogs, she did not almost die.
So for her to try to make an equivalence is INSULTING to your wife.” 1962Michael
9. AITJ For Not Being Baptized?
“My best friend is heavily pregnant. She’s Catholic and so is the baby daddy. She asked me (F 23) and my other friend (F 24) to be godmothers.
But yesterday, she asked us both to be baptized so we could be said godmothers. My other friend was raised Sikh, so is against baptism. I’ve never been religious, so don’t want to be baptized either.
She has acted offended by the fact that neither of us is baptized – not our fault either way (baptism being something that happens in childhood). I empathize with my friend’s Sikh upbringing and no one should force her to change that; I was also raised by atheist parents so have no specified religion from childhood (even if I changed my mind later).
Neither I nor my friend are allowed to be godmothers anymore, accordingly.
Pregnancy hormones I understand, but is this as totally unfair as I think it is?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can’t be godparents if you aren’t baptized. The Catholic church doesn’t allow it.
It’s not that she’s unfairly taking the title away, it’s just not possible without baptism.
The fact that she asked you knowing you needed to be baptized is pretty jerkish. Should never try to convert people, especially when their beliefs are well known by the one making the request.
Ask about being witnesses instead. That’s a way you can still be included in the baptism if you want to be.” lemon_starburst6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is probably frustrated that she didn’t think it through before asking you and another friend to be godparents given her Catholic faith.
Her expectations are unrealistic.
In Catholic Church, godparents do need to be baptized as Catholic, and also need to be a confirmed Catholic and received communion. Not a quick process – involves some preparation classes and meetings that usually take at least 10 months to a year.
Maybe you and the other could have some other role apart from the baby’s actual baptism, like guide-parent or something.
(It is possible for a non-Catholic Christian to be a Christian witness at a baptism as long as there is one other Godparent who is Catholic, but that wouldn’t help here.)” dorothea1756
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your friend is confused about godparents… the role of a godparent is to be the witness to their baptism and to be responsible for the child’s spiritual journey.
The godparents chosen are supposed to be of the same religion because they are accepting responsibility for the child’s spiritual education. It was completely unfair of your friend to ask for two non-Catholics to take this role.
And you would not just need to be baptized, you would need to be educated in the catholic faith to be a good spiritual guide to the child.
Godparents are the religious aspect of the child’s upbringing.
This is wholly and completely separate from who would be legally responsible for the child if the parents were no longer in the picture.
Your friend is out of line to ask you this as neither of you is of the same faith as your friend and would not be able to act as the spiritual guide for the child in the Catholic faith.
Your friend would need to ask two Catholics to do this.
In the Protestant faith, the rules are a bit looser. In the catholic faith, the rules are rigid and have specific guidelines and duties.” User
8. AITJ For Scaring My Friend's Coworker While I Was Wasted?
“My friends and I had a small get-together Friday night where we all got sloshed and played cards. One brought a new coworker with her. To be clear, everyone brought liquor, and there was a lot of drinking.
Most people were as tipsy as me. Some more so.
When I have a few, I talk a lot. I don’t really talk to anyone, I just talk. It’s usually random theoretical questions about philosophy or something.
Really cliche stuff. Like, if you go and find all the parts of the ship of Theseus and put them back together, would it be the same ship then? Y’know, just overthinking stuff to the extent I’ve missed the original point.
My friends will sometimes engage with me because when they’re wasted, they find it funny. When they get bored they just start ignoring me. Last night I was mostly talking about time travel.
I mentioned the bootstrap paradox and started rambling nonsensically about ideas randomly coming into existence and then time travelers going back and putting them in the time stream. It didn’t make sense. I was wasted.
My friend that brought her coworker texted me this morning and asked me if I talked to her coworker at all that night. A little, but not really. Just the hi, nice to meet you, stuff.
She said the coworker said I made her really uncomfortable and she didn’t want to go to any future gatherings with me there. I asked what I did, exactly, that made her uncomfortable.
My friend texted me back that she said I went on all night about crazy conspiracy theories, and it scared her.
I told my friend that I was just talking theoretically like I always do.
Also, what’s scary about time travel? I don’t get that. She said her coworker thinks I’m mentally unbalanced. She said she’d give her coworker her phone so I can call and apologize if I want to clear the air.
I declined. I didn’t do anything to her. If she doesn’t want to go to future gatherings, that’s probably for the best.
My friend said I’m being a jerk. She wants to be friends with her new coworker, and I’m making it hard.
I understand that, but I’m not going to apologize for being a wasted rambler. If she feels uncomfortable around wasted people, I understand, and she shouldn’t go to parties centered around drinking in the future.
Am I off base?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a terrible person when wasted, and this girl doesn’t like being around obnoxious wasted people. Neither of you is a jerk for that. Your friend is the jerk for not minding his own business and demanding an apology from you despite your not having done anything that merits one.
Some people don’t like being around wasted people, and those people shouldn’t go drinking. I don’t know why your friend has to complicate the situation any more than that.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being a terrible person when wasted and thinking it’s cute. You sound like you dominate the social space with your rambling. Have you ever considered that nobody wants to hear the constant drone of you talking just to hear your own voice?
If I went to a party and some random dude was talking to himself about time travel all night like he thought he was some big brain, I would be uncomfortable and think he was mentally unbalanced, too.
It comes off as narcissistic and aggressively focused at best. You don’t owe her an apology (pls don’t contact her, I really doubt she wants that), but she shouldn’t have to be subjected to you anymore if she doesn’t want to be.” HistopherWalkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t sound like my idea of a fun time while drinking, either, but it doesn’t sound like you’re saying anything offensive and anyway, your drinking behavior is well-known – and encouraged!
– by your friends.
It sounds like this friend should’ve expected this behavior going into it – in her shoes, I probably would’ve given the coworker a quick heads up, like ‘Hey, just for your information – OP tends to ramble about random stuff when they drink, feel free to ignore them if it’s too annoying.’
Expecting you to apologize to this coworker is absurd, and if meeting you was enough to nip this new friendship in the bud, then it wasn’t much of a friendship, to begin with.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the coworker didn’t know you and you went full in with your nonsense. Could happen, but not wanting to clear it makes you the jerk.
Also when your friends tell you, that your rambling nonsense speeches sounded like conspiracies, they probably did.
And the thing that was scary was probably not the speech or theories themselves, but how you narrated them.
Self-reflection is a good thing. And when you are talking straight into the room and people start ignoring your nonsense speeches, then they mostly might have already been fed up with your crap, but didn’t want to possibly start a fight with a wasted rambling dude.” LiaArgo
7. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To My Mom's 50th Birthday Party?
“My (23 F) family is not from the US, but they moved back to our home country a year after I started college. At the time, my sisters ‘Amy’ and ‘Mary’ (not their real names) were still in school.
Amy is now 18 and started college this semester, Mary is 14 and a freshman in high school.
Because we’re not from the US, my mom had no idea what raising a teenager here is like AND she never really tried. I had next to no independence, wasn’t allowed to have a job, didn’t learn to drive until I was eighteen, etc. My social life was severely limited by this, but I was holding out hope for university.
When it was time to apply for college, they kindly let me know that we were moving back to our home country and that I was expected to go with them. I applied to colleges behind their backs, but I had to do everything by myself and I mean EVERYTHING.
In other words, they made it really hard for me to leave them.
They eventually allowed me to move out. My dad provides some financial support, but I work full-time on top of a full course load at university and can barely afford to feed myself.
Asking them for help is like pulling teeth; they promised me a year ago that they’d help me buy a used car, but keep putting it off. Last I heard, my parents weren’t sure they could afford it, yet they just went on a trip to Switzerland and are finalizing paperwork for a huge property on a tropical beach.
By comparison, they help my sister Amy with everything. For instance, she did competitive gymnastics for a long time. It was super expensive, so there wasn’t enough money for Mary and I to have our choice of extracurriculars.
She didn’t learn how to do laundry until she was fifteen, she has been allowed full use of the family car since she was seventeen, and when she was looking at colleges my parents did everything in their power to help her get in.
Yesterday, I found out that they are paying for Amy to move into a one-bedroom apartment, furnish it, and (this was my last straw) have a maid come to clean it once a week.
I am absolutely furious and I know from past experience that confronting them never works. So here is where I might be a jerk: My mom is turning fifty in a few weeks and is making a huge deal out of it.
They rented an event space, hired caterers, and invited 200 people to celebrate. I am expected to make an appearance, but I have to take off work and school to be there, which will cost me about a week of wages.
I know that part of the reason Mom wants me there is because she booked a photographer and she wants the whole family to be in the pictures. But I have spent years trying to develop a healthy parent-child relationship, and I don’t know what else will get through to them.
WIBTJ if I didn’t go to the party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You don’t owe your parents anything. You could not show up and if they ask why, just say that you didn’t have the car they promised so couldn’t get there on top of having to pay for rent and tuition, so you didn’t have the time.
Link it back to their broken promises.
By the way, it won’t change they way they act and feel, but you can get your point across and then go low contact or no contact and go on to have a happy life.
That’s the real revenge.” drtennis13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you say conflict arises from time to time. Start a journal and you will see a pattern of a cycle they spin in.
It will show how predictable they are. As for the party. You don’t owe anything to them. Your entitled to own your feelings about what has transpired. And you have the right to keep your life drama free as much as you can.
Take care of yourself and move on with your life. Go low contact and build your happiness. You deserve it. They do not deserve you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Sorry, can’t get the time off work.
Too many others with time off requests already. And I’ve a test that week and the Prof is impossible to get reschedule approvals from.’
The test part may be a little over the top.
But not everyone can get the time off work at the drop of a hat. You don’t want to go, you don’t want to miss work, use work as the reason. They can figure out there’s more reasons after you’re out of school and more firmly out of their financial entanglements.
Oh, and if you not being there truly ‘ruins’ mom’s party, that’s a her-problem. Maybe you not being in the pictures will help ’em realize they’ve been shoving you out of the frame.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
6. AITJ For Telling My Ex-Wife She's Delusional?
“My ex-wife has always strived to be the fun parent, the parent who excuses everything and turns a blind eye.
She gets our daughter (16) on weekdays, and I get her on weekends. Over the course of the year, I’ve noticed our daughter putting on more and more weight.
I didn’t say anything, I figured that was something she could recognize on her own.
As time has gone on, she’s gotten heavier and heavier to a point now where she’s finding spurts of exercise tiresome and she’s asking me more and more frequently for money for new clothes.
I called my ex-wife and asked her if she was seeing what I was seeing and what she wants to do about it. My ex said that I was overreacting and that our daughter’s weight isn’t our business.
I told my ex that it doesn’t make sense that she can label my concerns as overreacting and told her she was delusional for saying that her health isn’t our business.
She called me a jerk and hung up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your concern sounds well-placed, and you’re not engaging in body shaming. Your ex could at least have the decency to discuss it with you. If new clothes are more frequently needed because the old ones don’t fit, there could be a medical, nutritional, or other issue.
Or maybe not. But as the parent it’s worth asking those questions to find out if there’s anything going on that needs to be addressed.” WayMoreCowbell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s OK that you broached the subject with your ex and tried to get her input.
Your ex’s response was hostile. Your daughter’s health is, of course, in the interest of both parents. You should talk to your daughter about her day to get a better idea of her activities, interests, concerns, etc. You don’t really have enough info right now to determine what, if anything is wrong.” uwe0x123
Another User Comments:
“ASK your daughter if she wants you to make a doctor’s appointment for her. If she asks why, then you can mention that you think she’s gained a bit of weight.
Or you can volunteer to go to nutritional classes WITH HER. Or perhaps you can plan a walk in the park (the distance depends on what she can do). Whatever you consider, ask her for her reaction before you do/plan/pay for anything.
Stop buying new clothes every time you’re asked.
Always remember to tell her you love her. Maybe consider counseling for her if she’s interested.
NTJ but this is something you will need to consider very carefully your words and actions.” Unfair_Ad_4470
5. AITJ For Being Tired Of Being Taken Advantage Of By My Husband?
“So I’m 26. Got a stepdaughter and 2 boys of our own. The boys are 7 and 1 and the stepdaughter is 9.
My husband has always been a working man. Have to work or you don’t get. He grew up in poor Europe on a farm and works hard.
He seems to think it’s ok to collect his daughter who lives 2 hours away on a Friday and go to work on Saturday.
He then asked if he could go fishing in the evening. I know it’s stressful with finances, work family, etc. So I let him go. He was out all night. Then, went to work on Sunday and then took his daughter home which is another obviously 2 hours.
She basically spends 4 hours with him traveling. That was her time with her dad.
I’m a stay-at-home mum. I’m not getting any breaks from the kids. He doesn’t help me. He says he can’t change the baby because he’s too wriggly.
He tells me that he needs time to relax so can’t bath the kids or put them to bed. He will purposely sit in a bath all night so he doesn’t have to help me.
My 7-year-old will not sleep unless someone lies with him and will be up every hour so I get no sleep.
I cook meals for him for when he gets home and he is still hungry so will then cook and use every single utensil and pot he can find and I have to clean that up because he won’t.
He will leave empty drink bottles on the floor, empty crisp packets, and any rubbish he can take to the bin, but he won’t.
Am I the jerk for being angry at him!?
Yes, he works but surely he’s annoying me a bit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a healthy or sustainable situation for you and you are not being treated like a partner by your husband at all.
The fact that he is the one that brings in the income does not mean that you should be expected to be working 24/7. The fact that he provides the income for your family absolutely does not mean that he doesn’t have responsibilities in the home.
You both work, let’s be clear about that. The fact that he works outside the home and brings home a paycheque doesn’t negate the amount of work you do within the home. You are not a slave and you are not a single parent, he has a responsibility to be a partner to you and not just shove all of the responsibility other than paying the bills onto you.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“You are 100% being taken advantage of. You didn’t mention your husband’s age, but the fact that he got you pregnant at 18/19 and already had an older child makes me think he is quite a bit older and has been taking advantage of you the whole time.
If you separate, it would probably be less work for you, since you wouldn’t have a full-grown adult who requires as much care as a toddler. NTJ” cmlobue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OP, You are an awesome warrior mom for continuing to ensure the kids are all right and fulfilling your responsibilities despite him shirking his.
if your husband is avoiding the family and his responsibilities, it may be because he is as overwhelmed as you and maybe he is depressed.
You should have a frank discussion with him.
Detailing and figuring out what each of you can do to balance things out will help you. However, I am not sure how staying in the bath all night and avoiding your family can be broached with him.
The division of labor isn’t fair at all as you have told us.
Do you have extended family? Parent support group through community or churches? Friends and in-laws, to help you or him with some work/childcare?
Are there any funds for counseling for either of you?
I hope he wakes up from his stupor because the years will pass him by, and he will have missed out on watching the kids grow up and have special time with you.
Good luck OP!” Mandaloriana_2022
4. AITJ For Not Wanting Strangers Touching My Baby?
“I have a sickly baby. He’s four months old but is a late preemie as he was born at 35+6 weeks. Since his birth, he’s been in and out of hospital & has had multiple health issues.
He was born with jaundice and ended up having an exchange transfusion to help clean the red b***d cells. While I was waiting for an appointment for his surgery on his feet (bilateral talipes), he caught a sickness bug off my oldest (3m).
I thought it was a cold but ended up taking him to the hospital after 24 hours & it was RSV. I panicked as he was back in NICU for a bit.
Now, he’s on the mend and was discharged from the hospital 2 weeks ago.
I was going to shop with my kids when someone approached and struck up a conversation about kids. I don’t like talking to strangers anyway but was polite enough. This stranger then tried to put their hands on my new son.
I told them nicely but firmly to not touch the baby. They ignored it and did it anyway. I then moved quickly (baby in a sling) & maybe shouted ‘I said DONT touch my baby!’ This stranger then told me how disrespectful my generation is & how back in those days everyone did it and how I’m just going to raise disrespectful children.
Telling me I’m just a kid having kids & that I shouldn’t speak to my elders like I did. They reached out again & ended up brushing their finger against my baby’s cheek and bottom lip.
I was livid and really shouted, rather loudly ‘Hands off my child!’ This person said that I’m an awful person to speak to someone like I did and then walked off muttering something I didn’t quite hear.
Now, we’ve just come out of a global crisis and I don’t know this person or their hygiene routine and I don’t want random people touching my kids.
I asked my friend if I’m the jerk and she said I shouldn’t have shouted, I am the ta for doing that when I could’ve stayed calm, that the person is probably harmless & it’s just how people are where we are (lil county South England) & it’s normal here where it isn’t where I am from.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Gotta go with NTJ. I think your mama bear instincts kicked in. You were protecting your sick child. You said ‘no’ and the stranger completely disregarded it, not once but several times!
Some people don’t have any respect for boundaries set by others. Just because you want to touch someone does not mean you get to touch someone. This includes babies, pregnant women’s baby bumps, the hair you might find interesting, the fabric of someone’s clothes, poking to get someone’s attention, anything inappropriate without consent, the list goes on.
No means no + ask before acting. Like, what is so difficult about these concepts?” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not even the jerk for shouting. You don’t touch people without permission and as it’s your baby and they can’t give permission it’s on you to protect their health and happiness.
Considering how dirty some people are I find it insane that people are so blasé about touching babies. There’s no need. Unless specifically invited to hold or touch the baby people should back off.
When our kids were babies I had to ask people politely to not touch them and not get in their faces. They’re a stranger, there’s no reason for them to be close. They can say hello without their hands.” oscillius
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, nobody has a need to touch someone else’s baby! There are literally zero reasons. It’s amazing that she tells you how you’re gonna raise disrespectful children while she’s literally disrespecting you!
And you wouldn’t have needed to shout if she’d listened to your words the first (or second) time.
When my son was little and wanted to ‘see’ something and started reaching for it, we told him ‘We look with our eyes, not with our hands’.
Maybe this woman needs to be taught the same lesson as a toddler does to keep their hands to themselves!” Wonderful_Ad_6089
3. AITJ For Letting My Husband "Yell" At My Mother-In-Law On My Daughter's Birthday?
“My MIL has a really bad habit of getting RIGHT in front of our kids (and her other grandkids) to take pictures when anything is happening, birthday parties, zoo trips, amusement parks, etc. I don’t mind at all that she wants to take pictures, but she stays directly in front the entire time and no one else can see what’s happening, let alone get their own pictures if they like.
She gets SO close, and 99% of the time her pictures aren’t even good(most of them are blurry/unfocused or just WAY too close) so it’s not even like we can just use whatever pictures she gets.
Our daughter’s first birthday party was yesterday and we had her set up at a little table with her smash cake and like usual MIL was right up in her face, blocking everyone’s view.
I was standing right next to her and could barely get pictures, no one else could see, and my best friend was trying to get good pictures with her camera (she has a really good DSLR and should have been able to get better pictures than all of our phones).
I let MIL get some pictures and stuff but when she just stayed there I tried to get her attention to ask her to move over a little so everyone else could see and she either couldn’t hear me or ignored me.
So my partner (her son) tried getting her to move and he had to ‘yell’ (her word choice) at her to get her attention. He didn’t actually yell at her, he just had to raise his voice a little because there was a lot happening and it was loud.
Now she’s mad at us, giving us attitude/being snippy, etc. She hasn’t even told us that she’s upset, we had to find this out from my SIL who said she was ’embarrassed because she got yelled at in front of everyone’.
I don’t think we did anything wrong, but maybe we did. Is she overreacting or should we not have asked her to move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like this is a recurring issue, but you or your SO haven’t discussed it with her.
She might have felt blindsided. It’s up to you both to bring this issue to her attention since it seems like she isn’t doing it to bother anyone and doesn’t realize the impact she is having.
She can’t read minds. It’s too late for this event, but in the future, try talking with her beforehand instead of ‘fussing’ her in the middle of a crowd.” CrowLP85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at least on purpose, so don’t worry. What are SIL’s motivations in telling you this? I would question that for sure. Heading off the problem, rather than reacting to it, is the way to go next time.
Have your partner talk to his mom and nicely explain that you both love that she cares so much to take photos, but that she often does it in a way to block everyone’s view.
She is likely unaware. With the right choice of words and tone, he can get that point across and help her modify her behavior.
Also, consider having a special chair for MIL that she knows is her… placed close but to the side, so that if she is forgetful at least when she is taking photos you minimize the distraction.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like something that ideally should have been brought up outside these occasions. It might be that she really hasn’t even been aware she’s causing any disturbance by her habit, and bringing that up when the action is on and emotions are high puts anybody in defense mode.
That being said, something 100 % had to be said, unless the grandma wants an album full of pictures of her bum instead of her grandchildren. My vote is for NTJ (but not far from YTJ).” Suspicious-Tie-2617
2. AITJ For Banning My Husband's Ex From Our House?
“My husband and I have only been married for almost a year now and we are both on our second marriage.
We each have children with our exes however, mine are grown and living on their own. After being together for 3 years we got married in January. His ex-wife got remarried in the following July & decided to move an hour away and their two children (16 & 19) moved in with us.
In the 4 months that they have lived with us, the ex-wife has only seen the kids 4 times. Of the 4 times, we were not home for either a drop-off or pick-up. Each of those times the ex-wife has walked into our house when we weren’t there.
My husband and I got into an argument about it because he didn’t think it was a big deal. I think it’s disrespectful. (She used to live in the same house when they were married by the way.) She was told that ‘I didn’t want her coming into the house.’ She & I then had a Messenger conversation where I explained that I didn’t have a problem with her, but that I find it disrespectful to enter anyone’s home without adult permission.
She apologized and insisted she didn’t mean to be disrespectful. Then she came into the house again!
When my husband messaged her about it again, she replied with a big rant about how I must be a horrible person for not wanting her to come into the house because she badly had to use the restroom.
I think she is just doing it out of spite. She never comes in or asks to come in when we are home. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is just basic common sense stuff.
You don’t go into someone’s house without permission when they are not home. I could understand the bathroom excuse if it was a one-off… but it wasn’t, it was immediately after you asked her to stop coming in, and low and behold she finds an excuse to come in.
Also the note about her never coming in when you’re there… that’s not a coincidence. All of this seems very calculated. For what purpose who knows?
I think it is perfectly reasonable to request that she not come into the house unless you or your husband are home.
Even if invited by kids, because at this point she is taking advantage.” salmonberrycreek
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I understand that you want to maintain boundaries in your home, that is completely fair, but it is also your stepkids’ home as well.
It’s not wild that they would maybe invite their mom in to see something in their room, that she might help bring in luggage, or that she might need to use the bathroom.
What actually needs to happen here is that you and your husband need to align with your stepkids and his ex-wife about what this relationship looks like going forward. It’s not wild that they may not think that it’s a big deal to welcome a part of their family into the home.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, leaning to YTJ.
I guess your house is only unlocked if someone is home. If she just enters without knocking, that’s rude and I can’t imagine she does that, so it’s more she knocks, the kids open and let her in, right?
Then she had permission to enter the house even from an adult since one kid is over 18, If you don’t want that, your husband needs to make a rule, that they can’t let anyone in when there is no parent that lives there in the house.
Not their friends, not their mom, not even YOUR mom, no one. And I think this would be a very strange rule to have for teens.” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I don’t think she is trying to come into your home with malicious intent. She probably feels a sense of comfort with the home she used to live in, which is why she probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal. This is something your husband needs to address with her and back you up if you are that uncomfortable, rather than saying it is you who doesn’t want her in the home when you are both out of the house.
On the other hand, I have a ‘small bladder’, so I would absolutely need to use the restroom at some point over an hour’s drive there and back. It would suck to have to stop at an establishment to use the restroom when there is one in the house my kids share with their father and step-parent.
I think you and your husband need to discuss boundaries you can agree on, then he needs to be the one to discuss it with his ex-wife in terms of your United front (not just blaming you).
I do think it is reasonable for her to use the restroom at your house after a drive to get the kids. Sometimes teens are forgetting things or are not ready at pickup, so if she has to use the restroom while she waits on the kids, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I think it’s ‘everyone sucks here’ because you talked to her about it and she still did it.
Boundaries and expectations should be agreed upon so it is fair and harmonious for all parties involved, including the kids.” Lalalabambi
1. AITJ For Telling Everyone I Moved To Atlanta When I Really Didn't?
“My family has always been incredibly toxic and turbulent and as a result me being one of the younger people in the family (22) I got slammed with a lot of the drama out of what I feel is sheer necessity to find someone to pin it to.
I had finally had enough and told everyone except my dad (he’s my only real family support system) I was moving to Atlanta for a job when in reality I moved with a friend to Los Angeles to start fresh and I’ve been incredibly happy ever since.
Come to find out today they all found out about the fact I didn’t move where I had told them and my phone blew up this morning with them telling me I’ve always been a disappointment and a s******p even tho I finished college and I’m making something out of my life.
I know they’re never gonna be happy with my choices and 22 years of being belittled make it hard to deal with even 3,000 miles away. So in conclusion… am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For all they know, you changed your mind at the last minute. Block them. Ignore them. Thank them for their opinion and give it no mind. Don’t give them a reaction as then they will keep doing what they’re doing.
No reaction generally leads to diminished attacks after they learn they won’t get the response they want.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You moved and have been ‘incredibly happy.’ What more do you need to know?
You laid down a false trail for a reason, so stay loyal to yourself.
Block those people and go find your life where you are. Unfortunately, your biological family is not good people.
Go find your family where you are… people you vibe with, those folks you can talk to and appreciate – and they will appreciate you.
Go where you are happy and extinguish any unhappiness behind you.” Huge_Industry_1259
