People Want Us To Disclose Our Opinion On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
14. AITJ For Telling My Sister That She Will Never Be My Bridesmaid?
“This involves me (24f) and my sister (23f). We were really close for 10 years. I loved having a sibling so close in age.
Sometimes I felt like my parents babied her more than was fair, but her and I were cool. She was a friend and not just my sister and I would have done anything to protect/defend her. We both got busier for a while and it was after the business started that I notice I would get into trouble a lot more and it never made sense.
I was told I was leaving my sister behind, and that I needed to learn not to be mean. My parents would talk about seeing me do stuff I had never done. I was so confused. Then one night I had been at a friend’s house and just gotten home.
When I went upstairs I heard talking downstairs, went down, and heard my sister say that I had told her we could play together but had ditched her for my friend instead and never even told her. The next morning dad told me he remembered me promising my sister to play with her and how I never followed through and that was not a good big sister move.
I told him I never promised that but he shut me down.
This continued for months. She would say I had said something that I didn’t, or that I was mean to her, that I let her be bullied, that I was pushing her away all the time and breaking promises.
None of this was true. I was busier with school and extracurricular stuff but we still spent time together. It wasn’t as much though but we couldn’t have spent the same time together.
I told her to stop. She told me there was no way because I didn’t get to ditch her for my friends, and that she should have gotten all my spare time.
I told her it wasn’t fair and she had friends too. Our relationship turned bitter on my part afterward. I started to hate her instead of loving her. We would fight anywhere and everywhere. Eventually, it built up and up and when I was 17 and she was 16, she went to our high school principal and said I had faked my grades on a test. My parents were called, and I was investigated. Even though the school cleared me, my parents still believed it AND I missed out on a great opportunity because the allegations were still being investigated. I never forgave her for that.
A couple of times after we both moved out she told extended family members about all the “bullying” I subjected her to. It further reinforced my dislike of her, maybe even true hatred.
Now I’m getting married. I asked my two closest friends to be my bridesmaids.
My sister found out about this and told me I should have asked her, and told me she wanted to do it. I told her there was nothing in the world that would make me ask her and I would sooner have no bridesmaid than have her as one.
She called me a jerk and now I am getting hassle from my family too. My parents have also tried but they’re not even getting an invite because I blame them for believing all this and not putting a stop to it.
But I worry I crossed a line.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did your parents fail to protect you from your sister’s maltreatment and harassment, it seems they joined in her gaslighting. Your dad’s saying “he heard you” make the false promise your sister put into his head is his taking her lies as fact, then treating them AS IF HE WITNESSED your saying what you never said.
How can a bullied teen defend against that?
Your sister only wants to be a bridesmaid so she can contaminate your good times and supportive relationships. It’s a shame she enjoys hurting you to feel powerful. She is not a safe person for you.
I don’t know, if it’s a golden child/scapegoat dynamic, but your parents’ consistently accepting and validating your sister’s offense at your having a life outside of serving her desires has those qualities. Sis should never feel sad, and it’s your job to fix it when she does.
In fact, you should have made sure she never feels sad in the first place! YOUR perceptions are wrong, your feelings don’t matter.
She gets attention, validation, and to feel powerful and controlling over others. I’m not sure what the payoff is for yr parents.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Password protect your wedding and hire security.
It’s time to write an open letter to your family, including extended family who are giving you a hard time. Everyone needs to be on the same page because there are too many different sides to the story, and yours isn’t being heard.
Tell everyone about what your sister has done to you growing up, and how your parents never listened to you, defended you, or helped you. Stick to the facts, and leave any inflammatory language out of it. Then talk about the emotional impact this has had on you growing up, and how it damaged your relationship with your parents and your sister.
Emphasize how your friends are your chosen bridesmaids because they supported you, never lied to you, etc., and the same can’t be said for your family. Make the point that you know it should be painful not to have family at the wedding, but all you feel is a relief.
Then explain that you are going LC or NC for a period of time. That this whole ordeal has reopened some old wounds that haven’t had the chance to heal. If you need help with that, see a therapist. You deserve to treat yourself kindly in this new chapter.
Explain that after some time has passed, you would be open to rekindling a mutually respectful relationship. But that can’t happen until several conditions have been met: 1) they admit to their wrongs, both your sister and your parents (yes, your sister too; she was old enough to know what she was doing).
2) they offer a sincere apology to you (if you expect they will have trouble doing that, send them an article on how proper apologies should be made). 3) your parents promise to listen to everyone and your sister promises to never lie about you again.
Suggest therapy if they need help with those 3 things.
End your letter with a statement that these old wounds have been hurting for a long time, and that there is no way to fix things in a way that makes you feel healed and whole before the wedding.
You can’t throw a band-aid on this. After the wedding, you plan to enjoy your time with your spouse as newlyweds.” Concorde224
Another User Comments:
“There is no line you have crossed, not even close. Completely NTJ.
I’m sorry that your sister ruined what could have been a life-long close friendship if she hadn’t become such a selfish, conniving, mean person.
It is clear that your parents helped create that monster and clear that she was their golden child. I’m so sorry for all the damage (big and small) that she created in your life.
I’m so glad that you are marrying someone to build your own family with, have good friends around you, and hopefully a nice extended family through your husband.
If some of your relatives see your sister and see you for who you each are, I hope you can keep those connections in your life.
Good wishes to you and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!” swillshop
13. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Nephew Outside If My Sister Doesn't Pick Him Up?
“I’m (29m) engaged to my fiancée Elly (28f).
Both of us are working from home. Elly has PTSD which is triggered by loud unexpected sounds, sometimes any noise, and it makes her freak out and causes severe panic and anxiety attacks. She is getting therapy. Just to add she is not freaked out by anything dropping or closing the fridge door, but slamming the house door too loud, crying to the point of screeching and loud knocking or doorbell ringing constantly do.
Because of this and some other issues, we are child-free.
My sister has 2 kids, the youngest is 7 year old named Richard (Rich for short). She also has a cat she adopted which is also called Richard (we call him Duke for short).
Sometimes she asks to catsit Duke which we don’t mind as he loves to play with our cat, that’s rather sensitive to loud noises too.
Tuesday my sister messages me asking if we mind if she drops Duke around. We didn’t.
After a bit, she texts me that he is by the front door and she has to drive off due to an emergency, which confuses me as she never did that before. Imagine my surprise when I see Rich instead.
Elly is in an important work meeting and my sister said nothing about dropping the kid off as she knows the answer will be no as we are working.
Rich doesn’t say anything and runs to the living room. He turns the TV on, puts the volume up so Elly can hear it in the meeting and tries to turn one of the consoles, which I say he can’t do as we do not have games suitable for children, nor the space to download any (our Internet is rather slow).
Rich doesn’t listen so I had no choice but to take the consoles away and tell him to put the volume down on the TV, so he can watch shows on Disney. Rich didn’t like that and throws a tantrum.
Within an hour of him being in the house I have to deal with Rich crying and screeching and not responding to any way to calm him, wanting to play a game we don’t have, which affects not just my work but Elly’s too and instead of being productive in an important work meeting she is having a panic attack and struggles to breathe while our cat is going nuts too.
I have been trying to call my sister with no luck, despite showing as online on social media, she was not responding, so had to message the family group chat and say she has 20 minutes to pick Rich up otherwise I will be calling the police because she is abandoning her child and he would be left outside (I wouldn’t leave him outside but was serious about the police).
My mother had to leave work and pick him up as my sister read the message but didn’t take it seriously while my mother knows I wasn’t joking. Later that day my sister called me to tell me that I’m a horrible uncle and a jerk since she had an emergency and this ended up in an argument.
The family is obviously split about this since my sister is considered the golden child and I’m apparently an evil uncle.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP!
You are a stand-up man and Elly’s lucky to have you (and she knows it, too!), just as you are lucky to have someone as determined and courageous as Elly.
Your sister, on the other hand – well, this post would be banned if I REALLY described her! What she did was exploitive and irresponsible as heck, not to mention unfair to all of you – Elly, you, AND Rich!
(BTW, he sounds like a very troubled kid. Throwing tantrums at age 7?! That’s toddler behavior! Sure he was disappointed at not being able to play a game, but you offered him a good alternative. Does he have a meltdown every single time he doesn’t get his own way?
Hmm…perhaps that’s a reflection of the parenting he gets!)
OP, I’d suggest that you stop cat-sitting from now on. Your sister doesn’t deserve to have you help her out so much and you can’t count on her NOT pulling the same thing again if you agree to cat-sit Duke.
Tell her that the days of cat-sitting are over and that if she ever pulls the dump-and-dash stunt with Rich that you’ll call the police and report him as abandoned. And then do it if she tries that trick again!” Marzipan-Shepherdess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, because looking after a cat is way different than looking after a kid. Particularly since cats don’t generally make unexpected loud noises and if they do its not sustained like with kids. Secondly, because for the love of Christmas cookies, working from home is still working; you’re supposed to be doing the tasks you earn your paycheck for, not running around looking after kids.
Thirdly, the emergency was being in a hospital corridor while a FRIEND gives birth?!?! Good granny, what made her not answer messages in that situation, simply she didn’t want to.
And then the kid doesn’t have the manners to behave at your home?
Sorry, at 7 he should have been taught that you don’t act like an uncivilized human wrecking ball in someone else’s home, family, or otherwise. At least your mom had the good sense to take you seriously.
I’m so sorry about what happened to your fiancé when she was younger.
I cannot imagine how that would affect someone long term. You’re a good man for standing up for her and helping her cope. Hopefully with time, she’ll be better able to, but in the meantime keep on giving her love and support like you are
Good luck to you.” mldyfox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your sister that you will be documenting this incident of child abandonment and that she better never pull that stunt or anything like it again.
She intentionally tricked you by using the wrong name and leaving her child at your door.
If she had a real emergency, she would have told you upfront what her emergency was and that she needed to find a place for her son to stay. She could have called your mom or other friends/family, but she didn’t.
Because she couldn’t just dump and dash with them. If she had had a true emergency, she could have told one of them and asked them to help.
Any relative who thinks what she did was OK is not a relative whose opinion you need to worry about.
If they soft-pedal about her but give you grief, they are saying that it’s worse to give notice that you cannot take care of her child than it is for her to not give notice that she will not take care of her child and then abandon her child.
Again, not anyone whose opinion should carry any weight with you.” swillshop
12. AITJ For Exposing My Entitled Neighbor?
“I (30M) live alone in a “meh” house, and working as an engineer, I decided to spoil myself with a nice sports car. It is a 2021 Aston Martin Vantage with manual transmission, for those into cars.
It has only two seats.
Since it is a rear-wheel drive car with a decent amount of power and I live in Canada, I decided to get a crappy SUV (an old Ford Escape) to use during the winter. During the summer, I use my sports car daily and just leave my “winter beater” getting dusty.
One of my neighbors (mid-20sF) recently got divorced and became a single mom. Her financial situation got worse, and her ex-husband kept their car. Seeing her struggle, I let her use my winter beater during summer. She was thrilled and thankful.
One day in summer, winter beater broke down. Not a surprise. My neighbor was really sad, and when we took it to the mechanic, the repairs would cost more than the car, so it was not worth it (my sports car takes most of my paystub anyways, I live with not too many things nor luxuries except my car, I am not exactly rich).
I decided to junk it and winterize my sports car.
My neighbor didn’t like this decision. I said that I wouldn’t be paying to repair it and sadly she wouldn’t have a car anymore. She said she had a trip planned with her kids, and asked me for my Vantage.
I of course refused it, mentioned that she wouldn’t be able to drive it (too much power, manual transmission, RWD), and it was also a two-seater, which wouldn’t fit her kids anyways. I also don’t let anyone else drive it – it’s my baby – let alone for a vacation without me.
She stormed back to her house and I simply donated my winter beater to a charity. She posted a long rant in a social media group of our neighborhood saying I am a bad neighbor and how I denied her kids a vacation.
I replied it mentioning she doesn’t even know how to drive a manual car, it is ridiculously dangerous for someone inexperienced to drive it, and it is a two-seater. I told her she would be an irresponsible mom if she just put both her kids in the passenger seat (not only dumb and illegal, but dangerous), and that I have no responsibility in giving my car for two weeks for her to go in a trip, no matter the car.
It was a massive reply. I also told her I was disappointed with her way of thinking for assuming I would just provide a car for her when I have nothing to do with her life. The winter beater was a favor and she was acting entitled for thinking I would provide my Vantage for her.
Everyone else sided with me and roasted her brutally.
Lots of neighbors congratulated me for my decision, but some told me I went too far and should have just ignored her or just said “please remember it is a two-seater, your kids won’t fit”.
A few friends and relatives also told me it was an A-move to do this and that I don’t understand the struggles of being a single mom.
AITJ for exposing her in such an aggressive manner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were generous but she was entitled and greedy.
And yes, it is dangerous to have more children in a car with fewer seats.
I live in Canada and some of the roads are not good to drive on for certain types of cars (crap roads, bottomed-out cars).
Also, there were 2 families where I live (two mothers and their children) who got into a VERY bad car accident because – too many kids, not enough seats, and improper seatbelt use. When I say VERY bad, it was because they lost control of the vehicle and the children were ejected from the seats and they died (most of them….) plus serious injuries.
So yes, these types of accidents do happen and you are the owner of the car which is a liability.
Another interesting note: if she is struggling financially after a divorce then why is she taking a 2-week vacation? That costs a lot!
Also, as for social media, she tried to trash you first. You are simply defending yourself and stating your case. Her single mother status is irrelevant.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
As they say “No good turn goes unpunished.” The audacity!
I simply can’t get my brain wrapped around the idea of someone who is done a HUGE favor, like being lent a vehicle free of charge for the summer, then when it breaks down and is uneconomical to fix, instead of being thankful they’d had it for as long as they did and thanking the person who lent it to them, insists on being lent another vehicle!
What did she expect you to do while they were on their trip? Get the bus to work? I think you should be thankful she didn’t insist you buy her a car, or at the very least sell the sports car and buy something a little more family-friendly.
lol
You are definitely not in the wrong, your neighbor was being incredibly privileged. Sadly it seems that this is what you get for being nice. You do something nice for some people and they start EXPECTING all the things.” Medium-Fan440
Another User Comments:
“She has two problems… a sense of entitlement and lack of accountability. At mid-twenties, that is absolutely ok, but when children are involved, she should have taken advantage of your good nature and saved up or got financing to get her own vehicle.
She obviously had the finances for a trip. As you said, you had nothing more to do with her situation so zero obligations. As for those that said you went too far? Point out that it was she who posted it onto the community pages etc. All you did is ensure that they had all the facts.
Hopefully, this becomes a learning experience for her. She should have appreciated your kindness but not taken it for granted to the point that she was upset that it ended. Definitely no jerks here. She was though. Those family members of hers are enabling her but hey, tell them if they think you should have done more, tell them that is their duty, not yours.
Smh. Seriously, some old-school character lessons here big time. By 10 years old my generation already understood things like this.” feabeee
11. AITJ For Begging My Mother-In-Law To Take Down A Certain Social Media Post?
“I (f27) lost my late husband (m33) 3 years ago.
He suffered from a chronic condition and the majority of our time (11 months) was spent at hospitals, we eventually got engaged and then married in one. But he passed away 3 weeks later. So much happened in such a short time and it all just left me devastated beyond measure.
I have a good relationship with his family though they were still in contact with my late husband’s ex who left him after being together for 6 years because she couldn’t handle it when his condition got worse. My late husband dealt with mental health decline because of it, but clearly, my inlaws had forgiven her.
They even allowed her to attend the funeral and also, gave her some of his belongings as keepsakes.
I’m friends with MIL on social media earlier, I came across a post she made on her account congratulating my husband’s ex for her newborn baby and then announcing that the baby was named after him.
I couldn’t believe it. MIL acted as if the ex was his wife and this was his child. I called MIL to ask her about it but got no answer.
So I went to her house, brought up the post she made, and told her how uncomfortable it made me.
She acted like what she did was normal then went on about how my husband’s ex is like a daughter to her. Again, I told her how this made me feel and asked her to take the post down – She refused, I got upset and said that she was being disrespectful of me as her son’s wife and told her to take it down.
she got defensive saying that my husband’s ex did all she could to be there for him and that it was okay that she felt she couldn’t handle the situation anymore and broke things off with him peacefully. She said that it was just a name and that I had no business even mentioning it, much less starting an argument about it and dictating what she should and shouldn’t post on her feed. She also said that “yes, other people loved and cared about my husband too” and that I should get over it.
I called her insensitive and delusional which caused her to tell me to leave her house. I returned home feeling horrible. My FIL just called to try to speak to me but I don’t feel like talking since I know what he’s going to say already and how he’ll take his wife’s side on this.
I feel enraged honestly. We were fine, we’d call and visit monthly. Now we’re having this falling out and it’s just horrible.
Aitj for my reaction? Was I wrong for this?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, which I doubt is going to be popular.
Ex did a crappy thing in ending a relationship over her partner’s chronic illness. I imagine that knowing why she left broke OP’s husband’s heart and made the last part of his illness extra hard. And I can’t imagine why the ex’s new partner is ok naming their baby after her ex, even if he’s deceased. (Like, if she loved him that much, why didn’t she******* up and stay?!) But, no one owns a name, and she’s free to call the baby whatever she wants.
I can’t imagine MIL cheerily carrying on with the ex as if the ex was the widow, and not seeing how hurtful that is for OP, who actually was there for her son and supported him when he needed it most when ex ran for the hills.
Yes, she’s free to care about who she wants and share her grief with who she wants, but ex showed everyone really clearly who she is: a fair-weather sailor who will abandon you for shore in a storm. And MIL is not free to hurt the feelings of others, which she has done in not addressing or apparently acknowledging OP’s feelings.
Now, OP is out of line in how she approached the situation, though I admit I don’t know that I would have done any better myself. She can’t control what other people name their children or post on social media, or how they grieve.
She can only control herself. Ideally, she would have let her former IL’s know how hurtful she found their behavior, and let that be that. It honestly sounds to me like it’s time for OP to move on from her ILs, as the relationship doesn’t seem like it’s healthy or likely to be so for everyone involved.” Cryptographer_Alone
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Grief is a crazy thing to handle so I understand your reaction, but you have to remember, your MIL is your husband’s mother and his ex-wife was married to him for 6 whole years. You haven’t even been a part of their life a year, obviously, they don’t have the same connection with you as they do with his ex or as they did with him.
You also don’t own the name and it makes sense that his mother would be ecstatic to see him remembered through that baby. You have to step back and take the time you need to get over your grief and see clearly that they are grieving just as much as you are and can do it however they want.
They don’t really owe you anything.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even remotely. And I am so sorry for not only your loss but that you seem to be lacking the support you obviously need. It is devastating to lose the person we love most in this world.
I unfortunately understand how you feel. We weren’t married, but we had been engaged. I loved him so much. I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him in Algebra our first day of Highschool in our Freshman year!
We got engaged after high school. He died in a car wreck.
It’s been 24 years since I lost him, and it hurts as much today as it did then. I have never just been able to “get over it” or “just move on” as so many ignorant people in the comments keep telling you to do.
Because that’s not how grief works. It’s like the ocean, grief’s intensity comes and goes in waves, but is always present.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I know how much this hurts. I really do. I hope you are seeing someone you can talk to, who can help support you.” Snow-13
10. AITJ For Joking Ripping A Free Bag My Friend Got For Work?
Free or not, learn to respect people’s stuff.
“To begin with my friend has stopped texting me after this incident happened last Wednesday. I wanna know if I’m the jerk and should apologize.
This all happened because I slightly ripped his already scuffed bag.
So for the backstory, my friend Daniel works for DoorDash, the bag in question was a big red DoorDash bag given to him FREE when he started working there.
he decided to invite me out on this particular day to “shadow” his DoorDash. Now I had told him I’m interested in learning DoorDash, so I figured he was just trying to show me how it works. This I later found out was all just a ploy for him to get me to keep him company (for free, no pay) while he works.
At first, when he picked me up it was a classic hangout where we would just joke around but when we arrived at his favorite DoorDashing grounds I found out what his real deal was.
He accepts an order and I await going into the restaurant, but when I open the door when he leaves, he tells me to wait in the car?
This kind of annoys me because I want the full experience so I say fine whatever.
He wouldn’t let me in, treating me like I’m some 1o-year-old kid. I start looking for ways to entertain myself in the car and find his DoorDash bag that he uses to carry food.
To paint a clear picture, this bag was very scuffed and The fabric was peeling off. I then start messing with the fabric due to boredom but this caused the fabric to make a mess in his car which I cleaned up.
When he gets back he sees me playing with the bag and makes a joking comment about it being a crappy bag. I go along with it telling him I should put it out of it’s misery and he laughs.
We are still on our way to the customer’s house and I’m now finding out how boring and aggravating it is to DoorDash without actually doing anything; I might as well drive around by myself. This leads me to continue to joke around with his bag.
I make fake tearing noises and he finds it funny. He thinks everything is good, but he’s not mentioning the fact that I’m basically working for free. This kinda triggers me and I actually rip the DoorDash logo clean off.
My friend this time is actually livid and starts telling me I don’t respect his things? Lol, what, you were just joking around about your crappy bag; why do you care so much about it now? I then tell him well you don’t respect my time or if I’m having fun.
We argue for a good 5 more minutes and I tell him just take me home.
We haven’t really spoken since, but he’s in my opinion in the wrong here, I don’t know; let me know what you think.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Let’s begin, shall we?
He invites you to shadow his job, you accept, what exactly did you expect? DoorDash is a timed job, nothing would be changed if you went into the establishment, were you planning on ordering food during his timed job?
You complain about being bored or not comfortable, again, what did you expect? it’s a job, it’s not supposed to be some fun hang out, he has a job to do, shadowing means you watch what he does and learn from it, that’s what you said you wanted to do.
You then proceed to mess with and intentionally rip someone’s property because you believe that your emotions are an excuse to break someone else’s stuff.
just because it was free and old looking, doesn’t mean that you are allowed to damage it.
You being frustrated and bored during someone’s job that you agreed to shadow on isn’t an excuse. You intentionally broke someone’s property, thinking your emotions justified it, and then refused to apologize for it. Completely immature behavior, acting like an entitled five-year-old who believes their emotions are reasons to destroy things.
Joking about it is not the same as actually causing damage to it.
Did I miss anything?” ThanosWifeAkima-4848
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It doesn’t matter if the bag was free. It doesn’t matter if he joked that it was crappy.
What matters is that it was his property and not yours and your first reaction to boredom was to start picking bits off of it and then purposefully do further damage just because you were miffed.
You were insanely disrespectful.
You weren’t “working”, so you didn’t need pay. If you didn’t like that he wasn’t teaching you, you should have said as much and asked to go home and Google the process instead and never touched the bag. If you had just done that, you wouldn’t be in the wrong.
None of that makes you touching and damaging his things okay and he was right to be mad at you.
You acted like a destructive child. Apologize to him for damaging his things and downplaying it. Sure, he shouldn’t have said he was going to teach you and then made you just be his hangout buddy, but that needed to be addressed with your adult words.
As it stands, are you really sure you can trust yourself with other people’s food when you’re feeling bored or frustrated if this is how you act now?” Slight_Flamingo_7697
Another User Comments:
“Big-time YTJ. Firstly, if you are simply shadowing him, then I don’t see the reason you need to get paid, especially since it was not even your car which was being used. Secondly, if he made you wait in the car rather than take you to another person’s door, that is his choice and maybe there were certain policies he didn’t want to break (I don’t much about working in food delivery).
Even if there is no policy, he may have already realized that you may mess it up or act childish.
Biggest jerk moment, why are you playing with HIS bag and making a mess of HIS car in the first place?
If you want to entertain yourself, use your phone or something. That bag is given for the delivery person to utilize and the customer to recognize. Like at any job, you don’t pay for your first uniforms, name badges, and job essentials.
That doesn’t mean you can simply play around with them.
Please grow up.” Aster2587
9. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Sister Drove My Car?
“Where I live there is a stunt driving law. If you are speeding 50 kilometers per hour or more over the speed limit or doing anything else that constitutes stunt driving such as racing, or other unsafe stunts, the police will impound the vehicle for 14 days (on top of summoning you to court and a month-long license suspension).
The impound is mandatory and it doesn’t matter who the vehicle belongs to. Even if it is your work vehicle or you borrowed it from a friend. After the 14 days is up you have to pay the impound fees in order to get the vehicle back, and the longer you wait the more the fees rack up.
I have a younger sister. (I’m 30 and she’s 25). She took my car without permission. I don’t live with her and my dad and she and her friends actually broke in and took it. She got caught for stunt driving and speeding and my car got impounded. My dad and my grandparents told me to say she had permission to take my car.
I didn’t do that and they lost it. If a car was stolen the owner can take it back without the impound.
We don’t live in the city. There are no buses, subways, cabs, or Ubers here. I’m a PSW and I need my car for work.
Without a car I have no way to go to my client’s homes. My dad said I could rent a car while my car is in the impound. I can’t afford to rent a car, or to pay to the impound fees to actually get it out of impound when the time comes.
He didn’t offer to pay for the rental and the impound fees or to lend me a vehicle and neither did anyone else who is mad at me for telling the police the car was stolen. And they definitely wouldn’t pay my bills if I got fired for not going to work.
I don’t know what people are expecting me to do here. I don’t know why my sister did it, I haven’t talked to her because my dad says she is not talking to me because of what I did. If she had crashed my car or worse hurt someone else I would have been held responsible as the car’s owner.
If she hadn’t been stopped by the police and just brought my car back whenever she and her friends were done I obviously would not have reported the car stolen. I would have yelled at her and told her off but not gotten the police involved.
But now I feel like I had no choice because if I said she had permission and my car was impounded I would have gotten fired from my job, and probably would have had to sign my car over to the impound lot because there is no way I could afford the impound fees.
My insurance would not cover them since it was impounded by an illegal act. I checked.
Was I on the wrong side of things because I told the police she and her friends broke in and didn’t have permission? Now she’s been slapped with a charge for it on top of everything.
I just don’t know what else I could have done but I’m getting so much blowback from some people in my life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did the act and your family wants you to suffer the consequences, all while blowing up your life.
Just return those kind thoughts and energy back to them. It is theirs after all and it would be rude for you to keep it to yourself.
“I’m not going to lose my car, my job, and my progress in life for someone who didn’t care about hers or mine.
Since you’re all so eager to throw my life away for hers, pool together and find a way to help her yourselves instead so that sister can avoid the consequences of her actions- theft and stunt driving. Good luck with that but I won’t be taking on any of that burden you have all so kindly volunteered me for.”
They’re targeting you because you’re soft enough to be squashed with no repercussions- after all, you’re here checking to see if you’ve done wrong. You haven’t. Your sister’s reality is a result of her choices. If your family brought you a car today, fully paid off and in your name, then I’d say, sure, say whatever.
But they didn’t. They wanted you to burn for your sister starting a fire. They can keep their wishes to themselves.” mangonlime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SHE committed a criminal act that they expected you to take responsibility for. The fact that they wanted you to cover all of the fees, consequences, etc is so negligent on your family’s part.
So it was ok for you to be innocent and punished but not for the actual guilty party to be punished accordingly?
She is an adult. She knew she was doing something wrong. Oh and guess what. If you covered for her..she’d do it again and again until someone got hurt or killed.
Your family is showing you a lot of red flags: They do not value you as a person. They don’t care if you bet punished by the law but are upset that the actual criminal is. They don’t care about how taking the blame would impact you financially (lost paying impound, loss of insurance, fines, rental cost, loss of employment, etc).
They don’t care if you lose your only form of transportation.
Don’t back down, don’t drop the charges, and don’t let them keep harassing you, and do not pay for anything related to charges and fines your sister will be getting.
It’s her fault, not yours.
Get your car back and go low to no contact. YOU DO NOT deserve this treatment by people that are enabling your sister’s behavior. I speak from past experience.
Good luck.” rowanspride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She committed burglary and car theft. Why on earth should you cover for her?
It’s rich that your sister isn’t talking to you because of what you did, which was to tell the truth, and then expect you to pay for being the victim of a serious crime.
What universe do they live in?!? Your family was wrong to demand that you cover for her. It’s not like you would have reported her if she hadn’t gotten caught breaking the law & impacting you directly, but she did and now she’s going to learn a hard lesson.
Your family should have offered to pay for the impoundment and car rental, it would have been a lot cheaper than what a defense attorney is going to cost them (if they actually decide to help her).” SirMittensOfTheHill
8. AITJ For Refusing To Spend Christmas At My Partner's House Because Of His Step-Sister?
Imagine marrying into this family.
“Me (22f) and my partner (23m) have been together for over a year now, he spends every weekend at mine because I have my own place, and because his step-sister (also 22f) dislikes me to the point where I am not allowed over because of how uncomfortable I make her feel.
I don’t know what I have done, when asked, she just says that I give her bad vibes and doesn’t trust me being with her brother who she is really close with. She can’t stand to be in the same room as me, and once had a dream about bashing me.
She struggles with mental health issues which I sympathize with, and her brother is a major support which she relies on. I respected the situation even though I was hurt and confused, as she has had a lot of tough life events and doesn’t trust new people.
But it’s been a year and nothing has changed. The entire family tiptoes around the step-sister, and I am only ever allowed over when she isn’t there even though my relationship has gotten to the point where he has keys to my place and we talking about spending our lives together.
I’m never allowed to visit his place, I hardly even know his dog because of his step-sister, even though he has access to every area of my life.
His sister has also been with someone, and her partner is always welcome over and included in family dinners and accepted. It hurts so much as I live alone and don’t contact my family and would love that.
I’ve bought up the situation so many times with my partner, he listens and says he understands but doesn’t do anything to address the situation. Puts off speaking to her, as all she says is bad vibes and that she won’t discuss It.
He says he doesn’t want to damage his relationship with his sister, as she can get unpredictable and angry. He doesn’t seem to get how insulting it all is, and while I understand how tricky struggling with a mental illness can be, and how hard it can be to navigate.
Especially when it’s family, my own family was also really unpredictable. But that doesn’t excuse being excluded and treated like this.
He has said I can spend Christmas with him and his family cause he knows ill spend it alone, but I declined because I don’t feel accepted by his family.
He says it would mean a lot to him, but has hardly done anything to address the problem with his sister, and gets so scared of confrontation. I don’t feel comfortable going at all.
If somebody wants to visit my place and be in my life and meet all the people I care about, it should go both ways.
But I don’t know what to do, this is the only issue we have and I don’t want to break up over this, but I feel gross about the whole thing and I don’t even know what I did, and it feels weird that him being with someone who causes so much stress to their relationship.
Just wanna know if anyone else has experienced this or has any advice and that I’m not a jerk preferring to spend Christmas on my own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Oh honey, I know this isn’t that sub, but I’m going to pull a mom for a minute.
I know you love him, and how much this must hurt you. I’m not going to bash him because I don’t think you need it. I’m just going to point out that this isn’t the relationship you deserve. You’ve gone all in, like you said he has access to every area of your life, but he hasn’t done the same.
He may say that he wants to marry, and he probably actually means it, but he isn’t able to put you first. He can’t give you back what you’ve given him. He isn’t the partner you need.
I’d take some time to think things through.
Can I deal with this? For how long? What if it doesn’t change? Does he even admit that he isn’t being a very good partner? Take however long you need, this isn’t on anyone else’s timetable, even his. Then I’d talk to him one last time.
Lay it all out. See what he had to say about your observations, is he actually going to change anything? How does that look? Then make your decision.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Remember you deserve a partner as open and accepting as you’ve been.
Good luck.
One final thought, did he ever just offer to join you for Christmas? Maybe he won’t bring you around his sister but does that mean he has to leave you alone? Why?” Momofhalfadozen
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ.
Because she is more than likely going to be there for Christmas. And if you go, you may be turned away due to the fact she is there. You say she is close to your partner…And that she doesn’t like you.
I’m getting a weird vibe from this. Could be she is jealous of you. Yes I know you said she is with someone. But that doesn’t mean she can’t be jealous of you.
Why, you may ask…Because you are with your partner, her step-brother who she is very close to.
Now could she actually be in love with him and/or obsessed with him? It is a big possibility. She may have what is known as a Brother Complex. It’s a little more common than what people actually think though still uncommon.
Do you know if she was like this with his past partners? Or even his friends? I know you don’t want to break up with him, but I would suggest counseling. Just tell him you want you both to go a counselor together so that you can both better your communication skills.
Maybe a counselor can help you better explain how you are feeling about this to your bf.
And maybe they can even help him understand that is not appropriate behavior. And that he needs to set boundaries with his sister.
Mainly that you and he are a package deal. What is going to happen if he decides to propose? Or if you two do get married or even have kids? What is going to do then? Ignore the kids or only want him and them around?
The reason I say all this is because I deal with mental illness myself. I know firsthand how bad it can be. And I know how badly we can get attached to those we see as supporting/loves us. It honestly can get to obsessed levels.
And wanting to basically be attached at the hip to them. From what it actually sounds like tough right now, though, she just sounds really jealous.
Because she doesn’t want you anywhere near where she is and honestly I don’t think she wants you near him either.
But how does she act when you are near him if she is nearby? That would be the real tell of if she is jealous and/or obsessed. Do you know how she acts around him when they are together?
Without a bit more info on how she is around him and how she acts knowing you will be with him or how she acts knowing you are with him right at the moment it’s actually hard to tell if she is jealous that you are with him.
Now the jealousy could also be completely platonic. Kinda like how someone gets jealous that their friend is hanging out with other friends.
Still, I don’t think you’re a jerk for just wanting to not go due to the sister.
Cause as I said before she is more than likely going to be there and if she is you may be turned away by the others.” Psycuteowl
Another User Comments:
“Do you have any pets? If you don’t maybe get a bunny or something.
Depending on your work & living situation, maybe cat or a dog is not easily accommodated?
My point with this being: try and get some more love into your life, building and finding new friendships will take time and effort and you need to start immediately, but getting reliable friends and a support network might take a while.
With a pet, you will have that love instantly and it will tide you over. Just a suggestion. (I know it’s not the same as a human connection but it can still help to heal a wounded soul)
As a mom myself, if one of my daughters were in your situation I would be heartbroken.
And I just want to give you a big, big mommy hug.
The truth is if you were to come from a loving and stable home and that support would be still available to you, the chances might be high that you would not put up with the state of your relationship.
I would suggest going to therapy with your bf. If he is not open to this and wants to do nothing to remedy this situation you will have your answer. And you should cut him loose before you invest any more time & love in him.
I doubt he will be able to have any meaningful relationships in the future if he doesn’t set boundaries with his step-sibling. She simply won’t allow it and he will be too weak to ‘fight’ her on it.
Maybe he is still too young and immature to realize this. But you should not be caught up in that crapshow. You should not waste your youth like this. Take it from me, I immensely regret not leaving my ex sooner and wasting all of my 20ies on him.
You should not be in a relationship where you are more invested than your partner. You deserve better.
Big warm hugs from me, NTJ.” Smart_Land_8955
7. AITJ For Not Recommending My Friend To A PhD Position?
“I know this sounds whack as crap, and I am pretty sure I am in the right… but my opponent is insistent, so I wanted to make sure I was in the right.
So I work for a materials company.
To not get too specific, our company’s research involves the synthesis and characterization of materials containing transition metals, from a micromolar to a large scale.
The company is currently looking for a research scientist. The requirements for a job: A PhD in the relevant area of study, or MSc with some industry experience, or bachelor’s with a crap ton of experience.
It is not an entry-level job.
I made a comment on social media about my company looking for someone to fill this role.
A friend, Stella reached out to me to ask about the job. She specifically asked me to recommend her to my boss for the position.
I was surprised. Unfortunately, Stella would not qualify even if it was an entry-level position.
I told Stella that, sadly, she doesn’t have the credentials. My company would not even consider her. I tried to put it nicely. She got upset and told me that because she is a hairstylist, she understands chemistry “fully.”
We went back and forth multiple times. I was always polite, just stating that, unfortunately, she does not have the credentials for this job and I could not recommend her.
She said I was being unreasonable.
I then explained to her, because she would not quit, this job includes duties such as characterization via electron diffraction and x-ray diffraction techniques, as well as the synthesis of materials.
Not only to perform them but to understand them. And to understand these concepts, one would have to at least know about chemical states, chemical equilibria, acid & base, redox reactions, chemical kinetics, atomic bonding, and some quantum chemistry …stuff that is somewhat covered in undergraduate chemistry.
This is not an easy role. She admitted she didn’t take chemistry of that level but it doesn’t matter because she could “pick it up during training”…
…I don’t know how one could pick up a PhD’s worth of knowledge during 2 months of training, but I’ll let my colleagues know their education was for nothing.
I’m sorry, but I would not be taken seriously at my job anymore if I recommended her. I told her she is free to apply herself and explain her knowledge to HR, but I will not be sending in my personal recommendation for her.
I wouldn’t expect her to recommend me to her salon as an expert hairstylist, without any experience, just because I can cut paper with scissors. So I don’t know why she wants me to recommend her to a job that requires credentials she doesn’t have.
She is now calling me a jerk and has been for the past 1.5 weeks, stating I am disrespectful to hairstylists. I don’t think that’s the case, but, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe be clearer, and get technical. It’s not the fact that she is a hairdresser, it’s the fact that she does not have the pre-requisite skills & knowledge, as well as relevant qualifications to even be considered for the role.
At that point, I’d be a little petty. I’d say, sure apply for the role. Go for it. I’m not going to refer you before you have even applied though. If you are so convinced that you have what it takes to do this, then apply, and interview for the role.
IF you make it through the interview (second if you do two rounds), THEN I will refer you.” floppybunny86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you politely explained to her what this job’s specific scientific qualifications were- and she was simply unwilling or unable to understand what you were saying.
She’s a hairstylist, NOT a research scientist- does she even have a bachelor’s degree? Sure, everyone learns new things with each job- but she expects to learn enough through on the job training to be the equivalent of having PhD’s level of knowledge?
Give me a break! She knows chemistry because she works with hair dye? That’s like saying since I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, so now I must be qualified to be a surgeon. If she’s that interested in science, then she can go to school, study, work hard, apply herself, and get a degree (bachelor’s, master’s, doctorate, etc.) in STEM and then she can apply for jobs in the chemistry field.
Otherwise, she’s just dreaming.” Longjumping_Hat_2672
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is being entirely unrealistic in her expectations. You probably shouldn’t have gone into so much detail though, simply saying she should apply if she thought she was qualified and send her the job announcement and an application.
I wouldn’t have been as hard on her about whether or not she was qualified, as that is the personnel department’s job. I would still apologize and say you didn’t mean to demean her in any way. As a side note, I would never recommend anyone for the position you were discussing.
Putting your neck on the line for another employee is asking for trouble.” No_Pepper_3676
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear Pregnancy Complaints Coming From My Sister?
She knew the consequences.
“I have three nephews. They were born in January 2020, November 2020, and February 2022. My sister is pregnant again and due in December. The succession of pregnancies so close together has taken its toll and my sister is on bed rest. Besides using the washroom and going to medical appointments my sister doesn’t leave her bed. She is under the care of specialists.
Me, my parents and my BIL’s parents have been doing what we can to assist in looking after her and my nephews. The succession of pregnancies meant my sister had to leave her job. My BIL works but his job can’t be done remotely and with my sister on bedrest and three kids under age three at home they need help.
They can’t afford daycare for my two oldest nephews and my youngest nephew is still too young yet. But their lives are in complete chaos and relying on us to keep things afloat. Me, my parents and his parents chip in where we can.
Even my grandparents and his grandparents have helped a little despite their ages. But the bulk of it is being done by me and my and his parents.
I am happy to help if only to make things better for my nephews.
I want to be a good aunt. They are just kids and this mess isn’t their fault. I have even refrained from commenting until now because of how exhausted and floundering my sister and BIL are. They don’t need me to tell them how much of a mess this is.
I said something to my sister only because I was tired of hearing her complain about her pregnancy and bed rest. I’m sure it’s not a picnic to be dealing with a high-risk pregnancy but this situation is of her and my BIL’s making.
Me, my parents and his parents all have full-time jobs and we are rotating to ensure my sister and my nephews are cared for. I’m a paramedic and I have nightmares of getting called to their address because she and the baby are in distress.
It’s a real possibility given how fragile her pregnancy is.
My sister and BIL are university-educated and where we live they can access contraception and birth control at no cost. Doctors have repeatedly warned them about getting pregnant so soon after my sister gave birth.
There is no excuse for the mess they have created. I love my nephews more than anything but my sister and BIL have completely destroyed their lives for the foreseeable future.
When I told my sister I don’t need to hear her complaining because she got herself into this situation she got really angry.
My BIL chided me the next day for what I said as well. It may seem harsh but I am already exhausted from my job and giving up my days off to help them. I do it for my nephews and I never commented throughout all the pregnancies before now.
They are both angry at me though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perhaps you need a break from caring for your sister and her children. People don’t plan high-risk pregnancies, they happen and are dangerous to the mother and child. This is a high-stress situation for all involved. Your sister and her husband should be planning for outside (not just family) help as they are going to need help for some time during and after this high-risk pregnancy–relying on family puts stress on everybody.
Caregiving stress is real. Also, bedrest is a pain in the a*$, it’s not a break or a vacation. It’s hard on the mind and dangerous for the body as well, bedrest has additional risks that need to be considered.
You have touched on the fact they have had so many kids so close together putting a burden on the family. Coming from a large family, I have heard these comments all my life, from friends, family, complete strangers. Please be careful with that, those comments can be very hurtful.
Are you right? Perhaps. It’s not for you to say about another’s family choices. If it is affecting you so negatively, step back. You don’t have to be your sister’s or your nephew’s caretaker.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I had a coworker who got pregnant and became a complete martyr about it.
It’s all she would talk about. She would corner people and just vent. Eventually, people started bluntly telling her that they didn’t want to hear it, and her response was to complain about that, too. As far as I can tell, she had a fairly routine pregnancy with just the normal annoyances.
Then, 3 other women in our office got pregnant and proceeded to go about their lives as normal. I just started completely avoiding her or walking away. She really seems to think that “friends” owe her whatever time and attention she wants.
Some people just have really poor boundaries, and you have to set firm ones to deal with it. People without boundaries will always be upset when you set healthy boundaries, but it’s the best thing for you, and they need to learn.” Beneficial_Step9088
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Caretaker burnout is REAL. That is what you are experiencing. If they don’t like your opinion they should not have involved you in the situation. They are basically consuming your life and demanding that you shut up and smile about it.
No. Not happening. If that’s what they want then they need to hire someone.
Do they expect this to continue after the baby is born? Is everyone simply supposed to give up their lives to help raise the children? I doubt it’s going to get easier once the new baby is here.
You have a right to express yourself; unless they prefer you hold it in until you blow up which would definitely be worse. Please please try to take some time for yourself. If you do not rest and recharge you are vulnerable to physical exhaustion and a mental break.
Self-care is part of caring for others.” Foreverforgettable
5. WIBTJ For Saying Something To My Step-Daughter About Hypochondria?
“My stepdaughter, C, is now 26, but this has been going on since she moved in with her dad and I when she was 18.
She lived with us until she was a teenager as well, and spent a few years away from our house.
To put things shortly, she has always been a hypochondriac. She gets it from her mother, who spent most of C’s childhood carting her from doctor to doctor for unnecessary reasons.
I think C picked up on this a lot. When I came into her life, she was fine medically apart from a birth defect but needed mental help- or more specifically, she needed to be medicated, so I took her to a doctor who after a short consultation, put her on ADHD medication.
This was at age 10 but she got off of them at age 13. Other than this, she was normal, quiet, and introverted and would repeat herself and mumble a lot, but normal.
At 18, once she moved in again, she started with this autistic thing.
Now, I’m not sure why she latched onto this, but I think maybe it’s because her half-brother on her mom’s side is autistic, but that makes it less likely for her to be autistic since it’s rare. She exaggerates a lot (for example she will say “a couple of weeks ago” when something happened 5-7 days ago) so I didn’t think much of it.
She brought it up with her therapist and then got upset when her therapist had her read the definition and symptoms of autism out from the DSM and told her she did not fit them.
She was getting a lot of her info online, so she self-diagnosed herself.
She would talk about her “symptoms” on her blog, etc. She did drop it for a while after she moved out at 20, but then something happened when she was 24. She announced that she was finally getting a neuro-psych workup/test done.
It was near our house, so she asked to stay with us for a night because the “testing takes so long” that she didn’t want to sit on a long train ride home.
Everything about this test was bizarre. She went to the facility once to meet the doctor for an interview.
He spent about 2 hours with her and according to her, told her that she was definitely autistic. Then he gave her some paperwork and told her that she’d be coming back for an 8-10 hour testing session. This was weird to me.
What kind of testing takes that long? She came back to do the testing and when her father picked her up, she was exhausted and didn’t want to talk. I asked her a bunch about the testing when she came home for the night and she started describing weird drawing tests and tests with blocks.
This all seemed weird to me and I told her such.
Well, the results came back and say that she’s autistic, apparently, but I’m very much on the fence. I’ve known this girl since she was 8 and I know that she doesn’t have any of the signs of autism.
I know there’s a huge issue online right now with girls faking autism, DID, and other very bad mental conditions, and she has fallen into that pit. WIBTJ if I said something to her about her hypochondria?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This assumption that people commonly and routinely “fake” disability so hard that they undergo rigorous, tiring, and probably expensive medical testing to get a diagnosis they “want” is so exhausting.
You presume a lot here, but many of the things you’re saying indicate that you don’t understand statistics and probability, let alone the complex process of neuropsychological testing and diagnosis.
Honestly, while self-evaluation can be a useful tool to prompt reporting to a provider and/or seeking testing and treatment, going the extra mile to actually get that professional testing provides no real benefit beyond managing care plans. In fact, it can be detrimental; it can result in the limitation of some basic freedoms enjoyed by adults, as well as discrimination in hiring practices, medical care (the irony!), education opportunities, and housing access.
In the US at least, there are not adequate support systems available to create equal opportunities for disabled folks. Getting a diagnosis is a mixed bag, and not something ‘faked’ at that level as casually as you suggest. Have you considered trusting the expert on this one?” ArgentOcelot
Another User Comments:
“Oh wow. Okay first off YWBTJ.
As someone AFAB with autism diagnosed later in life (mid-high school), autism presents WILDLY differently in AFAB people (cis or not) to a point where some PROFESSIONALS overlook it. I was lucky to get my diagnosis somewhere that knew the signs to look for in AFAB individuals.
Some of these tests, especially when taken all together, can take HUGE amounts of time – it’s been a few years, so I don’t remember exactly how long it was for mine, but a few hours definitely track.
On top of that, if she has a b***d relative with autism, there’s actually a HIGHER chance of her also having autism, along with other b***d relatives.
While it’s possible that it runs in the side of the family she doesn’t share with her half-brother, that would still not make it more unlikely – and also, autism isn’t that rare. I don’t know where the heck you’re getting these statistics.
This entire thing reads as kind of ableist, with the assumption that no one YOU know “so well” could POSSIBLY have a disorder! The horror! But really, saying anything about it when she’s gotten professionally diagnosed is a HUGE jerk move.
My mom refused to accept my diagnosis at first even though I’m almost a textbook case of AFAB autism, and it screwed me up pretty bad on it. Sometimes I STILL have anxiety that I’m somehow “accidentally faking it.”
TL;DR: YWBTJ and would probably immediately either cause major anxiety and damage, lose all trust and respect she has for you, or both.
You’re not a professional, keep your mouth shut.” AnonymousCorax
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ because you seem misinformed.
A couple of things: autism isn’t rare, and girls tend to have different symptoms than boys. It runs in families. It’s a spectrum of symptoms as well, and is comorbid with ADHD.
A neuro-psych evaluation is the exact process one would go through for a diagnosis of autism or ADHD, and testing normally does take several hours. The office in my town takes a minimum of 6 hours.
You mentioned that she seems to mumble and repeat herself a lot.
This sounds like echolalia; it’s very common in both autism and ADHD. Another thing you brought up is that she exaggerates time, like saying something that happened 5 or so days ago was a few weeks ago. She’s not exaggerating on purpose- ADHD and related conditions affect your memory and perception of time.
It seems like this diagnosis will bring her some closure. It sounds like she had a very chaotic childhood being taken to multiple different doctors, and took steps as an adult to address her own medical concerns rather than her mother’s.
Maybe she really is a hypochondriac, but this is certainly an important step to overcoming that.
Also, I disagree with the notion that a person can maliciously fake a disorder (unless they’re purposefully mocking people who have it). I’m not an expert, but if someone thinks they have a disorder I’d consider that a sign of an unmet medical, psychological, or social need.” Former_Narwhal
4. AITJ For Siding With My Mother Over My Wife?
“My wife has never liked my mom. I’m not sure my mom likes her either, but nothing has ever happened and they get along well enough, just very very distant, though I would say my wife has begun to dislike my mom more since she had our son.
I don’t know why. My mom doesn’t come around any more than before, she isn’t overbearing, but everything she does is wrong with my wife right now.
One of my wife’s biggest issues with my mom has always been that she is “creepy” in the sense her face never moves (no, nothing medical and no butchered cosmetic surgery) and her voice never changes.
She is witty, even my wife agrees there, but rarely laughs or smiles, and just seems totally emotionless. This really bothers my wife as she claims it really scares her, and she has gotten offended before such as when my mom didn’t smile correctly in our wedding pictures.
My mom got into a relationship about two years ago and he is truly the only person in the world who can get any type of emotional response. Apparently, her face does move and she is capable of laughter. She even changes her voice with him, and to be honest, it did freak me out, but obviously, I wouldn’t say anything.
My wife was offended by this and now hates my mom even more.
We saw my mom twice this month which is a lot for us, but once was for a family trip. My mom was with her fiance and being giggly, and I could tell it was really bothering my wife.
The second time my mom came without her fiance and was the same as ever, no effect. When she left my wife exploded about how she is creepy, selfish, kills the mood, and shouldn’t be around our kids as she obviously has some mental health issues.
I got mad so she backtracked a little, and said she can take her in small doses if the fiance is there, but I pointed out that I don’t want him around all the time, and she blew up again.
She said I need to protect our kids from the creepiness, and I’m spineless. I finally snapped and yelled at her, which I almost never do. I told her to leave my mom the heck alone. My mom has done nothing to her, and she doesn’t owe us smiles, or laughing or whatever.
It’s her body and just leave her alone. I said I would not be making any changes, and if she brings it up to my mom she is on her own and can see how that goes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am stoic. I do actually have medical factors making my lack of emoting worse but it’s always been there. It takes a lot of comfort for me to show emotions. Your wife being hostile? I wouldn’t show my emotions and she might catch me with a friend giggling away.
Essentially your wife has put in no effort because she finds the stoicism creepy and is now angry her lack of effort means she does not get rewarded with that trust.
For me it’s my nature plus trauma. I was raised where any emotions are punished except those of my parents.
I had to learn to cry. So I guess your wife would find ME creepy because until I trust someone to my maximum capacity I don’t change my voice or anything. My chosen family because I cut the toxicity out long ago?
It’s a goal to make me smile and laugh. They also know new people = inaccessible visual emotions.
I legitimately terrified a neighbor a few minutes ago by giggling with a friend in my doorway. Didn’t see them there and I laugh like a cartoon witch or a harpy.
I don’t spend time worrying about the people who think me scary or creepy. They are not worth the effort.
Your wife isn’t entitled to someone else’s emotional responses and has made it clear she does not like your mother.
Why should you support this? Why does your mother owe her one sided effort? That’s an unreasonable demand.” FirebirdWriter
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
I’ve been reading your comments and I feel bad for your mom but she still sounds very creepy.
I think I would be creeped out too, but your wife needs to chill out. No one likes to feel creeped out. I understand that. There are more healthy ways of coping. None of them include lashing out at you.
I don’t think you should force her to be around your mom. Your wife said she felt better around her when the fiance was around, maybe she can limit her interactions. Ideally, this guy will be your stepdad soon and he’ll be around every time your mom is around.
But don’t force your wife into situations where she’ll feel creeped out. That is jerk behavior.” _krys
Another User Comments:
“I feel like she is the type of person that wouldn’t want to be around someone who had an accident and is a survivor (ex: burn victim) because she would find it offensive that they survived. Reason I say this is because she is offended and affected not by mothers behaviour but her appearance.
Some people just can’t muster the energy to be expressive for something that doesn’t create enough dopamine, at least for me that’s the case. Unless I’m really excited I just can’t muster the energy. I also have an uncle that’s like this, and my I was convinced for a while he didn’t like me at all but I was always nice, and then on my confirmation he gave me one of the biggest presents.
That’s when I learned he comes from a different time and is just very introverted and traditional.” MyCatsLandlord
3. AITJ For Kicking People I Don't Know Out Of My Mom's Hospice Room?
“My mother is currently in hospice. I flew across the country to be with her till the end. I have an older sister that lives with my mother.
When I got here my sister said that she had a friend that would like to visit my Mom but didn’t have transportation. My mom said she wanted to see him so I drove 35 minutes (1:10 roundtrip) to get this man and bring him back.
When I got there I found out that his husband was also coming. Both these men were strangers to me but I did it so he could see my mom one last time. The plan we agreed on was I would take them home at 8 pm because I had to pick up our other sister up from the airport and they were on the way.
When the time came to leave the man and his husband had some sort of emotional meltdown and didn’t want to leave my mother. I told them that I don’t have time to deal with their drama because I had to get to the airport so I just left.
When I made it back to Hospice with my other sister, it was 1 am. The two of us walked in there, we’re now 4 people and our oldest sister in the room. Our mom was sleeping, but they were laughing, joking, and watching a loud video on someone’s phone.
I asked who the new people were and a woman said she and her partner were here as emotional support for my mom’s friend. They just showed up to surprise him. What the heck! It is 1 am and these people did not know my mother or our family.
My mother has never liked many men around her, so there was no way she would be ok with 3 strangers watching her on her deathbed.
My oldest sister didn’t see anything wrong with them being here. I was so furious because that was just the most disrespectful thing I had ever seen.
They were not family nor were they here to support our family. I was so furious that I told everyone to shut up and leave. I was so enraged and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was not nice.
My oldest sister went out into the lobby sobbing and made a huge commotion. She went on a rant about how our mom loved this friend and how she saved him from a bad situation. We all almost got kicked out of hospice for disturbing the other patients.
Thankfully the staff agreed with me and allowed me and the sister I just picked up to stay. Everyone else had to leave. I received a text shortly after telling me how awful I was for kicking them out.
My oldest sister also said I was in the wrong because our mother wanted an Irish Wake.
We are not Irish and SHE IS NOT DEAD YET!!! You don’t let strangers have a party in her hospice room at 1 am! So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be okay if it was just the one guy but then he brought all his friends and that’s where it gets weird.
I would never think to do that like you said, that’s not my family. Plus it seems like your momma was trying to get some sleep, why would they be so loud? Sorry you had to deal with that. You and your fam should be able to spend time with her.
But…I don’t know if I’m reading right. I do wonder if maybe your older sister was in need of some laughter or company. In my culture, we have a step in our funeral process where after the funeral, family gathers and we talk about our worries/grief/problems during the funeral (eg.
a family fight that may be caused by funeral stress). I hope you can talk to your sister. Everyone’s gotta be there for each other right now. Finally, I’m sorry about your mom. Hoping for the best.
Edit: But also I’m a bit confused and maybe some other people are too.
Did these people help to look after Mom with sister? I think it was a bit strange that the man was emotional. If its possible that he became close to your mom then perhaps you did cross a line.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“ESH and I say that because you do not live with your mother so may not be aware of her circle of friends or acquaintances and yet you walked in and immediately decide to run the show.
Your sister, who lives with your mom, and who I assumed was around your mom every day, was ok with the group around your mom.
Maybe they thought it was just fine. Maybe they had spent time with your mom and were actually grieving that she was about to pass.
Maybe they were close to her but since you didn’t live there you wouldn’t know that. Time when someone is dying has no meaning. 1 am or 1 pm doesn’t matter. The strangers being there is odd, but your sister was ok with them, right?
It always amazes me when a person swoops in and thinks they get to control everything after being absent. I get the absence may be because of distance but if you were not there day to day you don’t get to take over.
Why was it your decision and not your sister’s decision? Doesn’t she get a vote?
And I only say ESH because being loud and laughing at 1 am May disturb others, not because they all shouldn’t be there. It could have been handled better.” Msmediator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, any added stress those strangers would add might affect your mother while she’s trying to die with as much dignity as possible. Strangers showing up that she won’t know or really care for may make her feel uncomfortable.
Secondly, the staff kicked them out since they were making too much noise at 1 AM, disturbing other patients. Lastly, while I get your sister wants everyone touched by your mom to be there, she grossly overstepped on the number of people seeing her and poorly timed it.
You tried to be there for mom and jeep close family and friends together to support your mom as she’s on her deathbed. Your sister just treated it as if she’s already in the ground.” jjgbu4545
2. AITJ For Banning My Fiance's Sister From Our Wedding?
“This is a throwaway for obvious reasons. My fiancé and I are planning a wedding, obviously! And he wants his sister to be his best woman. They are impossibly close because they’ve been separated as kids because of their parents’ divorce and only reconnected as adults.
While I find it cute that they reconnected, I don’t want her at my wedding.
She’s… not someone I get along with. At 27, she still dreams of being an actor and singer. She drops bucks on these acting and singing lessons.
She’s been “training” since she was 18 and she’s only ever done background gigs and a few art shows. She did a popular haunted house once and she’s so proud of that mediocre achievement that she continues to brag about it to this day.
Whenever we’re around each other, she always has to be the center of my fiancé’s attention. She acts like a child too. We would lose her every once in a while when we go shopping with her. She’d just wander off and then reappear as if nothing happened. My fiancé said that it’s just how she’s always been.
She’s too spontaneous and irresponsible. One minute she wants to watch a movie, and the next, she wants to play a card game. She would just suddenly decide to drop bucks on games or new gaming consoles even though she has so many of them.
She has a long history of messy breakups and even chooses the worst men to be with. Just a few years ago, she dated a guy who ended up stalking her and caused us so much trouble. She is constantly flirting with everyone.
I don’t know if she’s doing it intentionally or if she is just like this but it’s annoying and embarrassing.
When my fiancé and I were discussing wedding guests, I told him that she is not invited because she will ruin my wedding.
She’s too uncontrollable and will embarrass us. My fiancé got mad and said that he absolutely needs his sister there because he wants her to be his best woman. We argued and I expressed that I am not comfortable with her.
She has been fighting me for his attention ever since he introduced us and I am tired of her behavior. He needs to draw a line with her now that we’re getting married. A 27-year-old woman should not be this undisciplined. He yelled at me saying I’m a jerk for insulting his sister and he left the apartment.
He refuses to pick up his phone and when I called his family house, his sister picked up. She told me he told her everything and that she knew I was always a jerk.
Am I really the jerk here?
I just want my wedding to be perfect. I’m only going to have one wedding day and I don’t want it ruined.”
Another User Comments:
“Uhhh, yep, YTJ.
How in the world are you so jealous of this man’s SISTER?
It’s okay not to like someone, but I get the feeling you nitpick this woman because of her closeness to your fiancée more than any real thing. Guess what. She’s a grown-up. If y’all are shopping and she wanders off, who the heck cares?
Why do you need to know where she is or what she’s doing? Of course, she acts like nothing happened because, nothing happened. Why does it matter if she’s buying what she buys? Are you paying for it? Does it impact your house, your finances, or your life in any real way?
Who cares if she’s proud of the work she’s done? Why does it matter to YOUR life if she is spontaneous and impulsive? Is she asking you to watch a movie or play cards or pay for any of these things?
Who cares about her break ups or the men she’s with or if she flirts? You’re not these men, you’re not suffering the break ups. If you don’t want to hear about it, tell her and your husband that you don’t want to hear about it.
‘A few years ago she did a thing’ and you STILL have a problem with it? I think you need to be honest with yourself: Your issue isn’t all this weird crap you’re talking about and holding on to, to justify your own insecurities about your fiancée and his sister.
Your issue is that your fiancée is close to her and you feel threatened. And after all the crap you talked, she had EVERY right to call you a jerk. You also need to realize: It is your fiancé’s wedding, too.
If he wants his sister to be his best whatever, you’re just gonna have to******* up if you want this wedding to go forward. You don’t know she’s gonna mess up your “perfect” wedding but you should know that you already are.
I also suggest you get some counseling for your weird preoccupation with this woman. For your strange jealousy over your fiancée’s relationship with his sister.” AwkwardFaery
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you don’t respect your SIL career or ambitions, even though she is actively working towards it.
I suspect you would feel the same if she worked in the food service industry, or retail. It sounds very elitist.
You find it “cute” two siblings reconnected. This is a pretty condescending thing to say. It would seem to me, by your description of their relationship, their separation was part of and caused additional trauma.
I’m really happy for you that you have your crap together, but you seem to not understand everyone has their own path. And some people path are quite bumpy.
I am not an actor, singer, or musician and never plan to be one.
My husband for extra pay does background work. As a kid, he got his SAG card, so it’s not bad pay. He has no desire to act any more than pretending to read a paper, well maybe be a regular extra (then he would have a schedule).
So I do know a small bit about the world of entertainment. When I tell people my spouse is an extra on TV shows, I am always asked which ones. People regularly ask how he gets the job(s), which episodes he is in, of what shows.
Friends will try to spot him. We got a bunch of texts from people at 11 pm one night, who watched a whole episode of FBI and it was the last scene, and only his arm was in the shot, or we get random texts because he was in a scene of SVU which reruns 24/7.
My husband worked hard to endear himself to the background casting directors to get picked regularly when shows were allowed to film again. Is he famous, no, what I am saying is: if even getting work as an extra is tough then getting famous is 2 parts dedication and 1 part luck.
If you actually want to be famous you meet other people in those classes SIL takes, who could lead to better roles and new contacts. A friend, closer to 40, is able to support himself in LA on all his small roles and was recently top billing in a movie.
It was the same director as their last speaking role of just 1 sentence. So every little job could lead to bigger and better jobs. I said to this friend a decade ago: even if you get an office job you can still keep trying, how many shows have the father or coworker who is not young, who was unknown before the show ran.
There is no age limit. And people do enjoy hearing about people’s brushes with fame. (And now you are 3 degrees of Kevin Bacon, my husband was in a movie with him before he was famous.)
Maybe instead of creating resentment, you can figure out a way to talk to SIL about your concerns.
Ways she can help you feel involved when the 3 of you do something. Where you draw the line at flirting. And what would not be acceptable at your wedding.” icky-chu
Another User Comments:
“I disagree with the rest of the commenters saying YTJ and am going to say ESH.
But you did mess up and should act quickly.
It is unfair to ask your fiance to not invite his sister. But it is fair to talk to him in advance about your concerns about her negatively impacting your wedding experience (don’t say ruined) and ask to put in some boundaries.
If he still goes bananas then you have a worse problem. Hopefully, he’s able to calmly hear your concerns and have a quiet word with his sister in advance of the wedding, asking her to understand that his attention will be 100% on you and the guests, and not her.
I also think you should examine your expectations about having a perfect wedding. It’s not possible and chasing that dream will only end up leaving you bitter and unhappy about what went wrong at your wedding. Murphy was correct, things will go wrong.” thefinalhex
1. AITJ For Taking All My Stuff That My Mom Gave To My Siblings When I Moved?
“I (m19) have been working since I was 14.
My mom (f42) is a single mom and has always treated me more like a second parent then one of her children. I have 4 siblings (m16, f15, f10, and m7) who I have been expected to care for and to an extent pay for since I was 5.
Before I moved out, I was responsible for driving them to and from school, homework help, make sure they showered, fed them and kept them entertained. I also paid for their field trips and some school supplies. My mom has always tried to avoid spending a dime on us, but it’s always been the worst for me.
From the time I was 13, I was expected to pay for my own bus pass, school supplies, clothes, anything I need hygiene wise and anything I wanted for my bedroom. Before I started working my grandparents gave me a $ 50-a-week allowance (I know it’s a lot and I’m very grateful for it) and after I covered my necessities I usually had $5-$10 left to save.
In the 6 months after I started working I bought a Wii and an Xbox 360 with a Kinect for my bedroom (my grandparents had given me a cheapish tv for my birthday that year) along with some games for both systems. Over time I managed to get a decent gaming pc and a ps4 as well.
My Wii was given to my youngest sister as a Christmas gift by my mom the year after I bought it, the Xbox 360 was given to my youngest brother for a birthday, the gaming pc ended up with my oldest younger brother and my sister got the ps4.
Whenever I protested this my mom would threaten to charge me $2000 a month for renting my room and said if I tried to move out before I was 18 she’d have me charged as a runaway. My options were basically to keep letting my siblings get things I paid for, find somewhere else to store my stuff, or have no finances to buy anything.
I started keeping any big purchases at my grandparents’ house for safekeeping when I was 17.
I was able to save up enough to get my own place around a month ago and moved into my apartment last week. I waited until my mom had gone to work and my siblings were at school before taking my electronics along with some smaller things I had bought that my siblings ended up with.
Overall I think the cost of everything put together was about $1500 (I had some expensive miniatures my mom had given to my brother that I took back along with my dungeons and dragons stuff). My siblings are pretty upset but the older two seem to understand that the way they got it wasn’t fair and that they’re technically mine.
My mom however went nuts over it. She called me around 30 times before showing up at my new place to cuss me out and scream about me being a thief. AITJ for taking back the things my mom gave to my siblings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Congratulations on getting out of an abusive and neglectful household.
Those were your items that your mother had no right to give away, I am glad some of your siblings understand that. The younger ones may not understand because of their age, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
I am glad your grandparents support you, and I understand them wanting to mend things with your mother, but you should explain to them that first, she has to be the one to admit that she was wrong in how she treated you, otherwise if you admit wrong, she is just going to claim rights to your stuff.
I agree with other commenters, do not let anyone in your family have a key to your place, even your siblings. Maybe tell the older ones that they can visit when you’re around and have a go on your stuff, but I wouldn’t welcome your mother into your household considering she has stolen from you (It may have stayed in the same household but she stole those items from you to give them to your siblings).
If you trust your grandparents to have a key and not tell anyone about the fact they have a key, then leave one with them, otherwise, if your mother finds out they have a key she might steal it from them.
If she continues to harass you then file a police report. It’s unlikely anything will happen just from that, but it will start a documentation trail and will help any future CPS investigations if this does turn on your other siblings.
It also means that if you are robbed, you have official documentation detailing that she has threatened to take your belongings which can help in you getting them back.
Please update us, this is both interesting and I am concerned for your siblings.” Railuki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If she wants it back, she can pay the price for them AND pay up what you used to support your siblings and yourself.
You’re the child, not the parents, it’s her sole responsibility to take care of you all and look into child support from the father (or plural as seems to be the case).
She choose to have 5 children, you didn’t choose to have her as a mom nor to keep having and looking after your siblings.
If she tries to pull the “police” card or so, tell her then you can also call CPS about her negligence, toxic, and financial restriction.
That probably will shut her up.
As for your siblings, they will understand later on just like the older ones, but in meantime, if you meet them give them age-appropriate toys and explain that your mom gave them things that weren’t hers and that wasn’t ok, and how if you took their favorite things from them just because you wanted they wouldn’t like either and would want it back, all you did was take back what they took even if they took with their mom agreement.” ACLullaby
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry op, you had to go through all the crap your mom inflicted on you. I hope you get all the help you need to recover and if it’s possible for you so try and take therapy.
I have seen so many people commenting that you need to do this and that for your siblings, but in no way you’re responsible for them. Your mom failed as a parent and you had to take their responsibilities when you yourself were a baby.
If possible cut your mom out of your life, and tell her as little about your life as you can i.e don’t give her your address or current employer’s info. I know you’ll be feeling guilty over loads of things and possibly your mother could manipulate your siblings, but stay strong one day your siblings would definitely understand your side.
And please stay strong again your mom, and do not be afraid to call the police on her and record everything calls, texts, and if she is visiting you unannounced and every interaction you have with her. Freeze your credit and do a credit check, she sounds horrible there is a slight possibility she could have don’t many illegal things.
Not sure if you have heard this, but I am extremely proud of you and your behavior. You are going to have the brightest and happiest future, and’ll have success like no one else in your family. You deserve all the great things in life, all the success, happiness, and support.
Do not once doubt yourself you did the best you can, and one day all your siblings will be so proud to have you as their elder sibling. All my best wishes to you, stay safe and strong.
And obviously, you are NTJ, but your mother is the jerk and a vile human.
If you can read a book called I’m Glad My Mom Died, it may help you heal a bit.” Suspicious-Treat-219
