People Tickle Us With Their Silly "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Blowing Up On My Fiance For Paying For My Stuff?
It’s not the fact that he paid for her stuff but WHY he did it.
“I went shopping a few days ago, and my fiancé wasn’t supposed to be there, but he kept insisting we had things to talk about so he showed up.
When I was going to pay for my things, he gave me his card and told me that he would take care of it from now on, and that I shouldn’t spend my dad’s money anymore.
Things are rocky between my fiancé and dad, which is why I think he said it, but the entire thing rubbed me the wrong way.
I pushed his hand away and told him I didn’t need him to pay for my things, but he ignored me and paid anyway.
I was mad so I asked him what the heck he was doing and told him to stop being a jerk.
He told me I was welcome and to stop making a scene. I kept bringing it up and telling him he was being a jerk, so now he’s annoyed at me and saying things like I need to get used to not living under my dad’s thumb anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ. You do need to think through whether these are red flags:
“I went shopping a few days ago, and my fiancé wasn’t supposed to be there, but he kept insisting we had things to talk about so he showed up.” (Does he often track you down when you want to be alone?)
“I pushed his hand away and told him I didn’t need him to pay for my things, but he ignored me and paid anyway.” (Does he often ignore things that you say directly?)
“He told me I was welcome and to stop making a scene.” (Does he often force situations and then expect you to be thankful?
Does he exaggerate your behavior because it doesn’t sound like you made much of a scene beyond expressing your clear desire.)
Only you can say whether these are one-offs brought on by the stress of the current deal with your dad or some other reason or if these are consistent behaviors where he subtly and not so subtly tries to control you, monitor your behavior, and judge your behavior as “creating a scene” when you were expressing your desire.
You haven’t married this guy yet.” BitterDoGooder
Another User Comments:
“I think we need a bit more background, to be honest. Why is your dad paying for things still? How come you don’t have your own money? Why are things rocky between your fiancé and dad?
Why is your fiancé worried about you spending your dad’s money?” Lattetearsx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hate to break it to you, but your fiance thinks of you as a possession, not a person. He wants to make sure you know that you belong to HIM, not your father.
If you don’t like that feeling, maybe try paying for your own things once in a while.” 1962Michael
21. AITJ For Arguing With My Fiance Over His Funny Wedding Card Idea?
“My fiancé (28M) and I (27F) are currently planning our wedding.
He wants to send out cards to his groomsmen saying, “Game Over, She Won.” I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with that being sent out as it implied that his life is over now that we are getting married and that he lost. He told me that it’s funny because it’s ironic, and his friends know that he doesn’t actually feel that way, and he says I’m overreacting, and it’s just a joke.
It ended up turning into a huge argument, and he accused me of holding on to negative things too much and that he’s worried about my mental health.
Am I overreacting? Is it just a funny joke?”
Another User Comments:
“Whoa, major red flag.
The issue isn’t that you don’t think the joke is funny, lots of people don’t find jokes like that funny. The issue isn’t even that you disagree on how funny it is, whether it’s hurtful, whether he should be allowed to send it out anyway, etc…
Those are all legitimate issues that come up between partners and that you have to work on finding a healthy way to settle such disagreements.
The issue is that you told him that you don’t want him to use this specific joke (which, generic or not, has some very unfortunate implications about you and your place in his life) because it makes you feel uncomfortable, and his response to that is he’s worried about your mental health?
Because you are too negative about things? You have a specific issue with a specific course of action. He is attempting to manipulate you into dropping your objection by convincing you that there is something wrong with you. Instead of hearing your complaint and treating it (and you) seriously, he is minimizing your opinion.
NTJ.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a reason that every time my husband and I hear a “ball and chain” type joke about marriage we sneak a knowing glance at each other. We both firmly believe that that kind of joke is super lame.
Like…they chose to get married; do these people even like each other? And that’s not to say we don’t have our own little jokes making fun of each other in ways we know aren’t actually hurtful. I’ve always loved gentle teasing with close friends and loved ones, but we know we love each other a ton and wouldn’t push the boundaries too far.
But putting the joke itself aside, I agree with many of the other commenters that the main concern is your fiancé telling you that your feelings about the joke must mean you’re having mental health issues. That was freaking wild to read. Like what?
That is incredibly off-putting, and I hope you will believe us when we say that wasn’t cool of him to say.” Legilimensea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This gives me flashbacks to my ex. He grew up seeing his dad treat his mom like a burden; why even get married if you’re gonna joke about your wife like that?!
Needless to say, I got tired of crap like that and being treated like my feelings didn’t matter. Why marry me if you don’t care about how I feel? My feelings always seemed to be treated as a burden, and eventually, I was told things like “that sucks,” “don’t be sad,” “maybe you need to talk to someone.” It’s gaslighting and demeaning you by not letting you be heard.
12 years later, I’m very happily divorced, and he’s just divorced.
There are real men who take care of their women by just doing all the million things you could never ask for and that you SHOULDN’T have to ask for! It’s okay if two people don’t fit together.
It’s not okay to be hurt and live in silent trauma. My eyes are open, and my current husband DOES all these things I could never ask for because he has emotional intelligence and already knows. Things get better. I hope they do for you soon!” Crinni_Boo
20. AITJ For Making My Partner Feel Bad About Her Cooking By Mushing My Food Before Eating?
“I’ve been living with my partner for a few months now, and she’s always been a great cook. However, I have a strange habit of beating my food into mush before I eat it. I’ve been doing it for years, and I just don’t seem to enjoy food as much when it isn’t smushed.
My partner has been getting increasingly annoyed with this habit, and last night, she finally snapped at me after I started beating my portion into a mushy pulp. She got angry and accused me of disrespecting her hard work cooking and ruining the food. I tried to explain that it was just something I did and that I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful.
But she was so upset that she ended up storming out of the room and not talking to me for the rest of the night.
I know that my habit can be strange and off-putting to others, but I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s become a part of my routine.
AITJ for continuing to beat my dinner into mush, even when it upsets my girl?
Edit: I am diagnosed with autism.”
Another User Comments:
“Part of being in a relationship is learning what is hurtful for your partner, especially things that aren’t hurtful for you, and figuring out a way to not hurt your partner.
Congratulations, you found one. Now to puzzle out how to make it work.
NTJ currently, but things could go either way from here. Talk to her to determine what part of things is hurtful and how you can accommodate both your need to eat mushed food and her taking pride in the food she cooks (or whatever her need is here, appreciation, or maybe just not watching how you prepare your plate).
Maybe you eat in a separate room or put a divider between you two, so she doesn’t see your plate. Maybe you do the mushing in a separate room. Maybe you start a social media account of “beautiful food my partner makes for me” and post a picture, or give a compliment before you mush.
Maybe once a week you have a meal or a part of a meal that is served as a mash (potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, yogurt, etc.). Maybe once a week you make a point of eating things together that you don’t eat as a mush – sandwiches or popcorn or popsicles or crackers & cheese or veggies & dip.
I am also autistic and look at relationship hiccups like this as a puzzle. Somewhere there is a way for you to eat food comfortably and for her to feel comfortable as well. Working together to figure things out makes a strong relationship. Good luck, friend.
Sometimes people have big opinions about what other people choose to eat or drink. My personal opinion is that I don’t care if we match or if we drink the same drink or eat the same food. If I’m there to hang out with you, the hanging out is the important part.
Adding that because sometimes I need to point it out to other people; I’m in it for the company, not the specific food/drink or in your case the specific way you eat your food.” llamakiss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My 17-year-old is on the spectrum and was also recently diagnosed with ARFID.
Sensory issues can be pretty serious, and to those who aren’t neurodivergent, or know someone closely who is, it can seem really hard to believe. The amount of crap my poor kid has had to listen to from older relatives throughout the years at holiday/family dinners has been ridiculous.
The amount of criticism I’ve gotten as a single parent for not making him eat or that I make a separate meal that he will eat has been absurd. People with these conditions KNOW they’re different and will often go out of their way to conform to the norm when going out, making them even more hyperaware of how people might be viewing them.
This just doesn’t seem to be something worth getting bent out of shape about by the partner. Maybe if she researched about things like autism and/or ARFID, she might instead realize that OP being his true self around her is a pretty special thing.” Waste_Beginning_4442
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t even about disrespecting your partner or her cooking. It’s about you having abhorrent table manners and refusing to take responsibility for your own behavior as an adult. Most people are taught as very small children not to play with their food at all, much less literally turn everything on your plate into a big mushy mess before you take a bite.
It is, in fact, off-putting. No one wants to watch you treat your plate of food like it’s a science experiment while they’re trying to eat. I don’t know whether your parents just never taught you any manners, but it’s irrelevant; you’re an adult now and able to learn how to eat like one.
I am literally very, very autistic, and even I would never in a million years behave like this at the dinner table once I was past the age of 5 or so. “I know that my habit can be strange and off-putting to others, but I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s become a part of my routine.” Routines change.
You say this like you’re helpless and this is something that is happening to you, instead of something that you are actively choosing to do at every single mealtime. Choose differently. Learn better. Grow up. YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
you need to try eating it normally at the start of the meal before turning it into a pile of mush.. how disrespectful of you.. when she stops cooking for you and or ends your relationship don’t ask why eh
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Roommate Use My Eggs?
“Last week, I went to make pancakes in my kitchen, and almost all of my eggs had been used by my roommate.
Eggs have doubled in price in the last year. When they got back from grocery shopping, I asked them if they got stuff to make breakfast for themselves because I needed my eggs.
Fast forward to a week later, I noticed that there was a box of pancake mix left on the counter.
This indicated to me that they were going to make pancakes in the morning… Which needs eggs. They still had not bought their own. So, I went ahead and boiled 10 eggs for my lunch the next week and labeled the eggs container with my name because I needed the remaining eggs for banana bread.
The next morning, I woke up to my roommate yelling at my other roommate (his partner) that he had to go to the store to buy eggs because they obviously saw my name. Am I the jerk for making them buy their own groceries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’ll keep doing this when you’re not looking. Maybe. My roommates did.
By the way, ground flax is freaking AWESOME in pancakes as an egg replacement. Makes them incredibly fluffy. You can get a box for 4 box, and it should last you for a couple dozen rounds of pancakes.
I love eggs too, but with how expensive they are, anywhere I can sneak in a cheaper non-egg version, I will. Nothing compares to eggs when you’re having eggs, but I promise you won’t miss eggs from your pancakes.” lipsticknic3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your eggs.
Roommate(s) can always buy some sort of egg substitute, freeze it in single-portion containers, then thaw it in the fridge prior to use. You bought YOUR eggs for yourself. Is there something that your roommates buy for themselves? (For example, if your roommate buys milk, and you used all the milk to make cocoa or pudding, would they throw a hissy fit?) It makes such a big difference when they are impacted badly – then they might start to understand.
Tell roommates that they need to buy their own eggs.” Effective-Several
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they can afford rent, they can afford to buy their own eggs. Like you, I enjoy eggs. My cholesterol is low, so I treat myself. The price of eggs has gone up over 500%.
If I have to pay $5/dozen, no way am I sharing them with anybody! Even if they hadn’t gone up, it’s incredibly rude to use someone else’s food, much less use it without replacing it. We won’t even talk about using the last of something when it isn’t theirs to begin with.
Your food budget is your food budget. It doesn’t allow for feeding Freddie the Freeloader and his partner.” Legitimate-Moose-816
18. AITJ For Encouraging My Niece To Call Her Uncle A Name He Doesn't Like?
“My husband’s name is Nicholas, and he doesn’t like it when most people shorten his name, and barely even agreed to let me call him Nico. My brother-in-law will sometimes call him Nick to act like they’re closer than they are, and this has evolved into my niece calling him “Uncle Nicky.”
He absolutely hates it, and the only reason he’s stopped saying anything is because he said I made him feel like the devil after he made her cry when he tried to get her to call him Nicholas instead.
He’s angry at me because he thinks I’m encouraging her to call him “Uncle Nicky.” I’ll admit I find it adorable, but I don’t think I’m encouraging her.
He thinks I am because she said the bracelet he got me was pretty and asked me where I got it from, and I told her “Uncle Nicky” got it for me. I referred to him as “Uncle Nicky” a few more times in that conversation, but when I noticed that he looked unhappy, I did try to change the subject.
His big argument is that since I know he doesn’t like it, I should be encouraging her to call him Nicholas instead. I told him she’s only 4, and she will probably grow out of calling him “Uncle Nicky,” and he was making a big deal out of nothing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not referring to someone by their name in the correct manner is disrespectful if they have already corrected you on it. It’s one thing if a younger kid gets the name incorrect, but you’re an adult. Moreover… “He was making a big deal out of nothing.” You’re the one making a big deal out of this.
We wouldn’t be here if you simply referred to him by his correct name as requested.
Personal anecdote: My Mom wanted to be called Nana by her grandkids (my children). My toddler kid called her Banana for a day or so until we nudged him the right way.
That would have been disrespectful for us to continue calling her Banana.” naisfurious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are encouraging her to call him that by using it, which is creating tension that is completely unnecessary. Why are you actively trying to cause negative feelings between your niece and her uncle?
Why are you antagonizing your husband? It would be so very easy for you to respect his wishes and foster a good relationship between them, but instead, you seem to be making this power play of making him the bad guy for not liking your niece’s “adorable” nickname for him.
What’s adorable about making your husband uncomfortable and turning him into the bad guy?” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“Seriously, YTJ here. You KNOW that he doesn’t like it–but you referred to him as “Nicky” numerous times in a single conversation. You’re literally training her to call him Uncle Nicky.
Sorry, but that’s some passive-aggressive nonsense there. Apologize and do better.” celticmusebooks
17. AITJ For "Ruining" My Uncle's Birthday With A Fake Cake?
“So I (16F) pursued my dream of becoming a baker. I started a business and have been baking pastries and cakes since I was 9. I always make cakes for my family and friends, but I do sometimes charge my friends if the cake takes longer than 4 hours and if the decorations are expensive.
And they seem okay with it.
Anyway, my uncle’s birthday party was just yesterday and I finished making a cake for him the night before. I had decided to make a cake separate for the kids and for the adults. So I made a chocolate ganache cake for the kids (I will be at the kids’ table) and a cake with booze for the adults.
The cakes both looked exactly the same. White frosting and chocolate sprinkles, for the adult cake, with permission from my parents, I took 10 beers and put them making a circle shape. I put fondant over them and then covered it all in frosting. To be honest, the kids’ cake looked more appetizing than the adult one, but it was fine.
Anyway, we arrived at their house and all was going well. An hour after lunch, my aunt and uncle cut the kids’ cake for the kids, and after everyone (including me) got a slice, I went to the car to get the fake cake. My uncle cut through the middle and took out all the bottles.
He was laughing while everyone stood there in shock.
(This is my dad’s side of the family) My aunt started to scream and berate me saying how I ruined her husband’s cake and how I am only 16 and shouldn’t give THEM the booze when they could’ve bought it themselves.
My parents stepped in and said that I had done it before with my other aunt and nobody cared. They then started screaming at my parents saying how they failed to raise me and how it wasn’t fair that the kids got an actual cake and the adults got a foolish joke from a 16-year-old girl.
We shortly went home and I kept getting nasty messages from my aunt saying how I crossed the line and how I’m disgusting. So, am I the jerk?
I feel like the jerk because I think I might’ve ruined my uncle’s birthday party.
I had no bad intention to get on my auntie’s nerves so I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel so guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you had your parents’ permission. Your uncle was laughing and thought it was funny. The only question is whether or not there was enough cake for everyone from the “kids” cake.
Regardless of what your aunt thought, her reaction was massively out of line. Everyone isn’t going to like every joke. That’s fine. But when she opened her mouth, she was a really big jerk. You don’t “parent” someone else’s kid right in front of their parents, you don’t get to yell at a kid who made something for her uncle (even if it’s the worst thing in the world), and you don’t yell at someone in front of others in the middle of a birthday party.
She threw a massive tantrum and you need to make sure you’re not alone with her in the future.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was your uncle’s birthday and he got a good laugh out of it. That’s the only person you had to please.
Aunt doesn’t deserve cake. In the future, if you do this again, maybe have a backup real cake. Doesn’t have to be decorated as fancy as the beer cake but if people expect cake they get angry if they don’t get it lol.
If I were you I’d call my uncle and just talk to him about it. Don’t worry about your aunt. Your uncle will chill her out.” UltNinjaPS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, I really don’t get why people feel the need to make things about themselves, not even her birthday bruh.
PSA when people get this mad about stuff, something in their life has gone that wrong they feel the need to put others down and then go out of their way to do it even further, by texting you about it. Let the words bounce right off you because they had no merit or gravity to them to start with.” Reddit user
16. AITJ For Accidentally Making Fun Of My Friends' UTIs?
It really wasn’t that deep…or intentional.
“I have two friends who are a heterosexual couple. I’ll refer to them as Johnny and Maria. Johnny had asked me if Maria and he could hang out at my house instead of us going out to a restaurant like usual.
I was like, “Yeah, sure, you guys okay?” He told me that he and Maria were not feeling well because they both had a bad Urinary Tract Infection.
So anyway, they come over, we’re having snacks, and I thought why not play music? Without deliberately thinking this out, I started playing that Ellie Goulding song that goes, “We’re gonna let it burn, burn, burn… We’re gonna let it burn.”
I noticed they both had gone quiet, and about a minute or so later, Johnny calls me “a freaking immature jerk,” and I’m all confused.
It turns out, he thought I was making fun of their UTI since it hurts; it burns when they pee.
Maria went along with Johnny and thought I deliberately chose that song to make fun of their pain. I’m trying to assure them that was not the case and that I usually do listen to Ellie Goulding.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“PLEASE tell me this is a joke!
NTJ of course. These are some sensitive folks. Imagine asking the world be put on pause because of my own personal issues. Life imitates art. This was a great chuckle.” torin122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Playing songs, telling jokes, and showing films can all fall flat.
You cannot possibly know what issues and insecurities even your best friends have. A simple apology for lack of understanding is probably best here.” Waste_Vegetable8974
15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mom To Attend My Job Interview With Me?
“I am 20 years old, but I have a very overprotective (Middle Eastern) mom. I’ve been looking for jobs for a while before starting uni (in the fall), and I got called in for an in-real-life interview next week.
The office is an hour away, and my mom said she doesn’t feel comfortable with me going there on my own. So she wants to come with me. After some arguing, I decided on a compromise, and I told her to just hang around the area and browse some stores or something instead and that if she HAS to come into the building with me, then that makes me uncomfortable, and I’ll cancel the interview.
She did indirectly agree, but I still feel bad about the whole thing and just uncomfortable, but yeah.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, please do not bring your mother. If the person doing the interview sees a parent there is no way you will get the job.
Remember the interview begins the moment you enter the building. You do not want her anywhere near the building. Even hanging around outside. Some employers will ask receptionists about the candidate’s actions in the lobby. You don’t want ANYONE seeing your mother.” justforlolss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could hurt you in the interview. I once had a new employee bring his mom to new hire orientation. This was someone who just graduated with their MBA. When I told Mom she needed to leave, she said she needed to make sure he filled out the paperwork correctly.
Guy just stood there looking at his feet. Told her if she didn’t think he could fill out the paperwork correctly, perhaps we made a hiring mistake. She reluctantly left. The company has a 90-day probation period where their employee could be let go for any reason…after a few weeks, we exercised that option.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry if this ruffles any feathers, but it’s unprofessional and inappropriate to have someone tag along for a job interview. If she’s your ride, she can wait in the car or return when the interview is over. Going inside is a huge no, and quite frankly, if I saw an interviewee walk in (not a minor) with a parent, that’d be a big red flag, and I’d be a lot less likely to hire them.
That would tell me the parent doesn’t know boundaries, and if they’re willing to do that, what’s to stop them from trying to walk in and confront the boss should the employee get in trouble?” SigSauerPower320
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mother-In-Law Attend Our Anniversary Dinner?
“I (28F) and my partner (29M) recently had our 3-year anniversary.
Leading up to it, my MIL suggested for her to come with us and was naming all the different restaurants we could go to. I did initially address this with my partner first. It’s our milestone (whether it be 3 years or 30 years), and he agreed. Dinner was just going to be us.
We did think about some of the restaurants she told us about, but ultimately we did not want her to come and he told her that.
The night before our dinner, she asked again if she could come. My partner and I respectfully declined. We see her every week, we cook at their place on Sundays, and we take her out to breakfast/lunch/dinner when we can or have the energy to do so.
Now, we’re at dinner and she’s calling both of our phones – literally BLOWING them up. We turned off our phones so we could get back to enjoying dinner.
After dinner, he had to turn his phone back on to use Apple Pay, a text then shows up, “How could you guys do this to me?
All I wanted was to have dinner with you guys.” Then, I actually lost the plot. It was a Saturday night, it was our anniversary dinner, we are going to their place tomorrow for Sunday Dinner. I asked my partner if he can talk some sense into her because it just about ruined my night.
I spoke to my best friend and she said I’m the jerk because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, there’s nothing worse than a meddling MIL! You & your partner’s lives don’t revolve around her, and clearly, she’s upset by that.
Is your partner the only male child perhaps? If so, we all know this story and it’s not a good bedtime read. You guys are already spending tons of time with her, and your anniversary or any other milestones, or things you want to celebrate have nothing to do with her and shouldn’t include her if you don’t want her included. Maybe you can cut back some time with her and put some boundaries in place.
If she’s a boundary-stomping MIL, then I would keep putting up more boundaries and roadblocks for her until she gets the point, or until you decide on another avenue. NTJ.” wreck_of_theHesperus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think it’s time to stop the weekly dinners and taking her out for other meals.
She needs boundaries, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have gone over the next day. Your best friend is essentially saying that you should allow your MIL to be the third party in your relationship, to allow her to overstep, so you don’t hurt her feelings and make her upset.
Neither you nor your partner are responsible for MIL’s needs, feelings, or emotions. If you took her with you, it sets a precedent that she should be included in all your anniversaries, then she will be expected to come on your honeymoon if you get married, be in the delivery room if you have a kid, have a say on where you live.
Where does it end?
He needs to tell her that it’s not appropriate for her to be included in his date nights or his anniversary. That she is his mother and she needs to respect the boundaries of his relationship with you. Did he talk to her?
And did you go on Sunday? Also, it sounds like she relies on your partner to meet her emotional needs. Like for her to feel that she should be included in this dinner, sounds like she feels like her son should be treating her like her husband does.” McflyThrowaway01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s perfectly reasonable to not want someone other than you and your partner to join in on a relationship-specific outing. It’s very strange to want to go to someone’s anniversary dinner as a 3rd wheel.
One of my partner’s single friends heard a conversation about our anniversary plans and enthusiastically said, “Cool, I’ll come!” And I just said, “No, you will not” straight to his face as it’s not a friends’ get-together; it’s a once-a-year celebration of the love between me and my partner.
Set some boundaries with her and tell her that it’s not fair to impede on something that has nothing to do with her. Best of luck to you.” annahunstone
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Husband To Use My Bathroom?
If he can’t clean up after himself, then maybe Mom should.
“I (F15) live with my mom (F42) and her husband (M49).
We have two showers in our house, one of them being in their master bedroom and the other being down the hall just like as its own room.
My mom’s husband uses my bathroom instead of the one in his room which I feel is kind of weird especially since he has his own that’s literally connected to his room, but that’s not the main issue.
The main issue is he doesn’t respect the space. He never cleans the bathroom, so I’m the one cleaning it every time. The drawer he has claimed is absolutely full of dried-up toothpaste and beard shavings, and I mean so full that the once-brown wood is now minty blue and white.
He also doesn’t wash out the sink if he gets toothpaste in it.
Now with the shower, he leaves gross, musty clothes just bunched up in the corner. He gets soap everywhere, so it’s sticky, and when he uses bar soap, and he’s at the end of the bar, and it’s just a little soap left, he just puts it on the floor of the shower, so there’s crusty soap just on the floor.
He also never throws away trash. If he opens a new box of soap instead of walking one foot to the trash can he leaves it on the counter.
I am just so sick and tired of cleaning up after this man-child or going to shower and having to completely clean it, so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This dude needs to clean up after himself, and also from the sounds of it just be a more functional human being, but that’s beside the point. Can you just start using your mom’s shower? When she asks why you or all your stuff is in there, you can say something about how you didn’t know how to bring it up, but her husband has been using your bathroom to shower and leaving a complete mess every single time, and you just didn’t have time/energy/whatever to clean it again today, when you just scrubbed the whole bathroom like 3 days ago, etc etc. If she says you’re exaggerating, try to get her to go check it out, so she can see 1st hand the wet smelly clothes on the floor, trash everywhere, or whatever the case is this time.
I think that might be your best bet to get it to stop. Other than that, keep locking the door when you’re in there, because he’s being weird – if for no other reason than from your comments he sounds lazy, and so he should want the ease of using the bathroom literally connected to his bedroom.
That he doesn’t? Weird.” DrowningPopsicle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d say it’s a conversation you should have with your mother, not with him. After all, she’s the one bringing him into the house, so it should be her responsibility to clean up after him – kinda like having a pet.
When you do have the conversation, though, try not to sound too much like an entitled teenager. You’re used to having your own bathroom, but most kids your age have never had that, so don’t act like it’s a right. Instead, explain to your mother that, as a shared space, it needs to be treated respectfully by all who use it.
Not respecting the space is the same as not respecting the other people who use it. And don’t enter into the conversation with demands (ie I want him to stop using my bathroom!) in mind – instead, enter into it with your problems ready to explain, and hopefully your mom will listen and be willing to help the three of you come up with a compromise so that everyone is happy in the end.” deleted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would ask if this other bathroom is actually considered “yours;” however, rather than it sounding a lot like it’s just a shared, independent bathroom? It’s totally reasonable, as a 15-year-old girl to want your own bathroom that isn’t used by the parent(s) – so sure, go ahead and ask about it.
I would, however, be prepared for pushback on this as it seems to me the reason why this is even happening is either
A) because nobody has protested before or
B) Your mother knows he’s a messy bugger, and this is why he uses yours.
It’s possible she doesn’t even know the state he leaves it in – but it’s not hard to prove it’s his doing given all the shavings he leaves around. Take some time to show it to her, explain this is disgusting, and ask if you can have this as your bathroom.
If she disagrees, maybe it’s time to dump all the stuff you clean off your bathroom in the middle of her bathroom and ask if she’s OK dealing with it because you aren’t, and you’re 15!” FeralSquirrels
12. AITJ For Refusing To Take Off My Nail Polish To Babysit?
“I babysit for my bio dad and his partner, but he’s never really taken a fatherly role in my life, so they’re not really like family. It confuses some people, so I wanted to bring that up. I’m a guy, and I wear makeup sometimes, which they don’t like and don’t want me doing if I’m babysitting for them.
That’s never been an issue for me.
Recently my partner paid for me to get my nails done since I can never excuse buying something like that for myself. It’s just a design of No Face from Spirited Away, which is one of my favorite movies.
They’re not long.
My bio dad texted me asking me on pretty short notice to babysit for a full day (11 am to 10 pm). I agreed, but then he said he saw my post, and I’d have to clean off the nails. I told him that I wasn’t going to do that, and then he said I couldn’t babysit.
That was how we left it until he called me on the day of asking me why I’m late. I show up, and he doesn’t say anything about the nails, but then when they come back, he noticed them and told me I completely disrespected him and that he wasn’t going to pay me.
I told him I hadn’t hidden them, and I thought he had just gotten over it because he didn’t say anything. He said that he wasn’t looking at my nails and assumed I had been “reasonable” and gotten rid of them.
It’s a day later, and I’m still mad about this.
The more I think about it, the more upset I am. I get it was stupid for me to think he’d just decided he didn’t care but I guess I thought since they couldn’t find anybody else they were just desperate. I never said anything to make him think I’d gotten rid of them.
I guess he also never said anything that should have made me think he’d gotten over it. But to not pay me when I put the same amount of work in that I would have done without the nails is crazy. They didn’t get in the way of anything.
You can probably tell I think he’s the jerk here, but I want to get over this and stop being so upset. I feel like any feedback on this situation would help so, who’s the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is punishing you for being who you are, and for not letting him control you.
The truth is, he needed you at the last minute, therefore he needed to take you as you were, especially since you said “no” to his demand. My suggestion is that you stop babysitting for him until he pays you what he owes you. Ultimately, whether you have your nails painted or not hurts absolutely no one.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to be completely upset and in no way are you at fault here. You’re expressing yourself and who you are and if your bio dad can’t handle you being the amazing person you are, then that’s his problem.
The clothes, makeup, nails, or anything you use to show your personality and style don’t impact your ability to babysit, or anything of the nature. He doesn’t seem to be able to understand that people don’t have to express themselves towards the “typical” gender norms. You are in no way the jerk.” lonely_potato13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitively. Your bio dad is overwhelmingly the jerk. I would say just stop babysitting for them or require payment upfront if you continue babysitting. If they are so concerned with the fine details of the person babysitting their child, it is their responsibility to find the person that best suits that.
You are already (unnecessarily) accommodating their issue with the makeup. These arbitrary rules are already far past reasonable requirements and rules for caring for their child. It seems pretty clear that you are simply expected to accommodate them so that you can watch their progeny, which is not how this works.
It isn’t you that desperately wants to babysit; you are doing them a favor. In any other job, labor = payment, regardless of whether the person doing said labor adheres to arbitrary guidelines of appearance (established after said labor is done). Either they are taking advantage of you or your bio dad saw this as the perfect opportunity to enforce his views on you without actually parenting you.
It isn’t up to you to be “reasonable” and remove the nails, it’s up to him to be reasonable and not expect the world out of someone doing him a solid.” garbageperson666
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister The Baby Name She Picked Out Sounds Like A Dog's Name?
“My sister A (20F) is currently pregnant and is expecting a boy. A few days ago, she sent me and my other sister a message asking if the name “Kalypso” sounds ugly, and I responded, “Sounds like a dog’s name.” Mind you, I have been suggesting names for the baby since she asked us for help.
I eventually told her to name her baby whatever she wanted since it’s her baby. A got offended and said I was very rude. I quickly apologized if I came across as being rude, but she wasn’t having it. We haven’t spoken since then.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My touchstone when naming our kids was, “Would my adult child be taken seriously as the head of an FTSE 100 company?” Not because I had particular ambitions for them, just not to give them a name they might dislike or resent.
I freely use diminutives and nicknames for them, but their formal names are something formal.
Anyway, NTJ, you were asked for an opinion and gave it. It’s not anyone’s name yet, so you weren’t insulting the kid. You did so in private. You could have been more tactful in your choice of expression, but honesty is better than comfortable lies.” Marcuse0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I knew a dog named Calypso. So many people treat naming their babies with the same approach as a 5-year-old naming a goldfish. It’s got to be something cool or clever or whatever floats their adolescent egos. Something that’s different and unusual because we all know how much a child loves to be different and unusual. So when the child is getting bullied, they’ll thank their parents.
Or like a pharmaceutical company naming a new laxative. When you really gotta go, it’s Kalypso! Show her, and your family, this post. She’ll never name him this when everyone in the family thinks “When you really gotta go, it’s Kalypso!” whenever they hear his name.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, that’s a pretty rude way to put it. Constructive criticism is fine, but tact is important. I’m not particularly a fan of naming a kid after Odysseus’ thirst trap either but probably would try and softball the criticism.” Narkareth
10. AITJ For Wanting To Move Seats On An Airplane Due To A Crying Baby?
“My partner (m24) and I (23) were flying back home on a two-hour flight at 2 am. While waiting in line to board the plane, there was a family of four in front of us.
A man and wife who looked to be in their 40s, one child (I’m assuming five), and one baby who wasn’t more than two years old.
The five-year-old was bouncing off the walls, absolutely full of energy. He was trying to ride his carry-on like a car and kept ramming into my luggage by accident.
The baby was crying very loudly as well. I felt bad for the parents because they were trying their best to keep their kids under control to no avail.
When we boarded the plane, the family sat down across the aisle from me and my partner.
To be honest, I wasn’t happy about sitting next to a rambunctious kid and a baby who had already been crying for 15+ minutes. All seats were assigned, but the plane was half empty even with all the passengers boarded. I noticed a couple, who was sitting in front of the family, asked to move to the back, most likely because they didn’t want to sit next to the children.
The flight attendants allowed them to move with no problem.
I decided that I also wanted to change our seats, but when I asked the flight attendant, she said no because of the weight distribution on the plane. It seemed most passengers congregated at the back of the plane to sit further away from this family.
I then asked her if I could purchase first-class tickets and be moved to the front because I saw there were two seats still available. Again, she said no because all transactions had to be done at the counter before we boarded. I understood her points completely, so my partner and I stayed in our original seats.
The baby cried for the first hour of the flight, and the older child kept bouncing in his seat and talking loudly. My partner and I had noise-canceling headphones in but could still hear the children next to us. I tried to keep a stoic expression because I didn’t want the parents to know how annoyed I was.
At some point, the five-year-old accidentally spilled juice on my shoes from squeezing his juice box too hard (the child and I had aisle seats, so we were basically next to each other). The parents side-eyed me and my partner the entire flight. They apologized for the juice incident when it happened, but I felt their glares until we landed.
When we were getting off the plane, I asked them, “Excuse me. I noticed you and your husband keep looking in our direction. Can we help you with something?” The husband basically told me off for being rude by “putting in so much effort to get away from them” and “going as far as offering to buy first-class tickets.” I told them I didn’t mean any harm.
It was the middle of the night, and I was hoping to get some sleep during the flight. I wanted to find a solution without bothering anyone.
AITJ for asking to move seats? I just wanted a quieter seat without inconveniencing anyone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never even spoke to them or badmouthed them to anyone. You just calmly and logically tried to prevent a problem you clearly saw coming before it could arrive. They are just angry because they know their kids were disruptive and loud, and nobody wants to deal with someone else’s unruly children in a confined space they cannot leave.
So they left as quickly as they could. No, I’m not in any way blaming the baby or them for the baby being inconsolable unless the kid was sick in which case what were they doing traveling with a sick baby when air travel is hard enough on healthy ones?
But the five-year-old? Yeah, they could and should have handled him better.” nejnoneinniet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The parents were fifty times more frazzled than you were, which explains their short tempers. Sorry they tore a strip off you when you were trying to get in some self-care!
I traveled with my own parents, and my ex and I took our child on lots of trips even when she was little. Parents have to plan for trips, and it sounds like these folks gave several issues little thought. The infant was probably squalling because the pressure changes were ripping its head apart!
Learning ahead of time how to mitigate that would have probably ameliorated the situation at least a bit. It sounds like they had no distractions for the older child: carrot sticks, coloring, other age-appropriate toys, maybe a binky and favorite blanket.
Then again, it was the middle of the night, and they may have been traveling because of a family emergency with little warning.
At any rate, it seems to me that you handled a crummy situation with grace, so well done.” Purple_Joke_1118
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your approach was perfect. I’m quite surprised the guy didn’t back down being politely called out like that.
He and his wife clearly just needed a target for their embarrassment, and you guys were the only ones they could glare at because everyone else had moved. I feel for the parents to an extent: they weren’t to know that you were genuinely not judging them but just didn’t sign up to deal with rowdy kids.
If they were feeling judged and helpless the whole fight it’s no wonder (if not great) they vented to each other by projecting blame. Where I totally lose sympathy is when the dad doubled down calling you rude. I get it, and I’ve doubled down myself on occasion I’m sure.
But it’s still gross. I think I’d have lost it at that point. Scoffed at them derisively etc. But you stayed polite and conciliatory! Absolutely NTJ at any stage: you were understanding of both the parents and the flight attendant. I would be proud to have handled an annoying situation like you.” apasmalfi
9. AITJ For Not Accommodating Someone In A Wheelchair?
“I was on the tram to go to my university. I was already late, so I was really in a rush.
At one of the stops, a woman in a wheelchair wanted to get in but couldn’t because there was no space. (I was not in a handicap spot.) I was listening to music when I felt a tap on my arm.
I remove my headphones, and here’s the conversation.
“Excuse me? Would it be okay for you to get off the tram, so I can have space?”
“Uh… I’m sorry, but I’m already late. I can’t do that.”
“It’s not that bad. Let me just take the tram.”
“Madam, I’m sorry, but I can’t. You could take the next one if you want. It should arrive soon.”
(She was at the door, so they couldn’t close, and we couldn’t go.)
“Stop being ableist, and let me have the space! You can always take the other one.”
“Madam, please, I really can’t. I’m sorry.”
She scoffed and left. But during the entire ride, I could feel and see the other passengers glare at me like I was the most horrible human being on earth. It hasn’t left my mind since.
I was already late, so I guess it wouldn’t have been too bad if I had waited more.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If other passengers were so concerned, they could have given up space to allow her to board. And quite frankly expecting people to give up their space because you want it, disabled or not, is rude – the only exception would be you occupying a disabled seating or chair area.
But as you say you weren’t taking up a disabled space, so I am wondering why then you were singled out to be the one to move. You were polite in your exchange; she was the one who called you names. NTJ.” Relevant-Case2756
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wheelchair user here – though public transport frustrates me at best of times, it is not your responsibility to get off the tram (which would have multiple cars with space available that the wheelchair user could have tried) mid-journey to make room, whether for someone with disabilities, for someone with a pushchair, luggage – I could go on.
Asking people to vacate a designated space, definitely, but you weren’t in one, and it’s the tram guard or platform guard’s responsibility to assist the passenger. There are assistance points that can be pressed on platforms. I appreciate you felt an inner responsibility, but in this case, no, it isn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up.” endless_serpent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t in a reserved space, and she doesn’t get preferential ‘time’ on the tram just because she’s disabled. She was playing on your guilt. You had the right of first occupation. There were others on the train too. If anyone (anyone at all, not just you) had left, everyone could have shuffled and made room, but no one had an obligation to do so.
Glaring at you was rude. Not to mention…the second she pulled out the angry, “You’re being ableist” card, she lost the entire argument. She’s an ugly soul using her disability to manipulate the world. Good on you standing up for your own pressing need against her whining, mewling attempt to do you out of what was rightfully yours.” originalannillusion
8. AITJ For Ditching My Friend To Go Get Food?
“I (f23) planned a fun day with my friend (f23) to go to a museum, do some activities, and grab a late lunch after.
In the morning, my friend told me last minute that she actually wanted to go to the museum earlier than planned and was headed over to my place but that I could still get ready leisurely. I honestly was a bit mad since it was 8 am, and we planned to go to the museum at 11 am, but it wasn’t uncommon for her to hang out at mine when she could since she had a falling out with her roommate.
She arrived, and I got ready, but I started feeling a bit rushed, so I just made a cup of coffee and skipped breakfast. She drove us and we went about our day from 9-3 and it was truly lots of fun. Now came the time for the late lunch/dinner.
I was STARVING, and since she drove, I offered to pay for the meal wherever we went. She agreed and started saying she didn’t know what she wanted so she wanted me to pick. Since we were headed back to my apartment, and there was a Chick-fil-A nearby, I suggested it.
She immediately blew up saying she would never give them her business because they are homophobic. I was a bit shocked she seemed mad at me, but I know a lot of people don’t like that place, so whatever. I mentioned this Italian restaurant popular in the area, and she said no because they bought out a family-owned business that used to be there.
I was starting to get hungry listening to her ranting about these things, but I pressed on. I mentioned Texas Roadhouse, and she said no because they are homophobic and racist. I started getting desperate, and at this point, we were parked in the parking lot on the main road of our town.
I told her I was hungry and to just pick something and then she told me I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast and could have woken up earlier to make it before she got to mine. I was suddenly furious but just ignored it and started listing out everything in the town which she had something to say about.
Finally, I told her I was just hungry and needed her to pick because I was starting to get a bit upset. She told me I needed to be more aware of how these food places have impacted people in places outside our town. She told me I needed to be more of an activist.
This is where I think I might be the jerk. I snapped at her and told her I was so hungry that I couldn’t give less craps right now about what is or isn’t a canceled food place. I feel like I should have stopped there, but then I told her she wasn’t a “good activist” because her car isn’t electric, she buys from Shein, and is the president of the Hispanic club despite being white and not knowing Spanish.
She looked taken aback and asked me if I said that because I am Hispanic. For some reason, I just doubled over laughing and said I was freaking hungry and got out of the car. I walked home and picked up food on the way.
Afterward, she texted me calling me an insensitive witch, and I just ignored it. Am I the jerk for arguing with her and leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This whole situation is just a mess. First and foremost, I too would be mad if we had plans for 11, and you show up at 8 am.
If there isn’t info missing, this wasn’t even an ask. It was as simple as ‘I want to go earlier, I’m on my way, I’ll hang out while you get ready.’ So if it was me, I wouldn’t be feeling rushed. I wouldn’t skip out on breakfast. I’d really take my time.
If she got mad, that’s on her for changing up the plans.
Secondly, I hate the whole “you pick” food situation. People always say this because they don’t know what they want, but the minute you start firing suggestions, they have an issue with every single one.
And at this moment when she knows you haven’t eaten, knows you’re starving, knows it’s 3 pm – I wouldn’t have given a politically detailed explanation of why I refuse to eat at each place.
Do I think you snapped? Yes. Do I think you’re a jerk for your response?
Not really, because it’s kind of true. Not necessary, but unfortunately, crap comes out when you’re hangry and heated. I would’ve done the same but been like, ‘Okay, I’m really going to need your input because I’ve fired a few suggestions, and you’ve said no to them all.’ At that rate, if you don’t know, or are going to argue with me – I’ll just get food for myself.
If she’s hungry and wanting to eat too, she should offer some input.” secondarytrash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is extremely rude for arriving three hours early. Her activism is her issue, not yours. It’s possible to find something wrong with every business out there if you look hard enough.
I try to be aware of issues and make choices based on my opinions, but I don’t push my stance/view on others.
The comment about the Hispanic club I’m on the fence about. I used to help out with the “Black Student Assembly” back in the 1990s when that was the name of the organization.
As you might guess, I’m not “Black” or “African-American.” I’m an American of German and Swiss descent (I like to say that makes me “stubbornly neutral”). What I’m saying is, it’s okay to be part of the organization or help them out, but I’m not sure about serving as president?” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mainly because you repeatedly told her just to pick a place, so all she had to do was pick a place that was on her “approved” list. Instead she felt the need to make some point by having you list all these places that she then rejected, so she could EDUCATE you on how to be a “good activist.” You pointing out her failings on that seem proportional (based on my rule of proportionality).
Honestly, your friend presents as TIRESOME (as well as a jerk). Her insisting on coming early, GOING early, making you feel like you couldn’t take your time getting ready and eating a normal meal (then criticizing you for it later – that sucks big time).
Curiosity, did the museum have any exhibits that activists might not approve of? Were they sponsored by bad corporations? Did your friend do her DUE DILIGENCE before you supported a museum that might have racist items or cultural misappropriation? How about items stolen from their native countries?
Treasures that belonged to Jewish victims of the Holocaust?” Blacksmithforge3241
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Brunch Because Dogs Will Be There?
“A few friends (8 total) organized a brunch outing last weekend. We are all in our early 30s. For a long time, these brunch outings would turn into day drinking, and we’d go bar hopping.
I always found these really fun and loved doing them.
One couple friend got a pair of dogs. Eventually, the couple wanted to bring their dogs to brunch. I wasn’t a fan of this but went with it for a bit. It was okay and not as fun as now the dogs became the focus and we were limited in what we could do.
Then another couple got dogs. It became only going to dog-friendly places, only wanting to sit on the patio. I don’t own dogs with no plans of ever owning them, and this has made me start to not like them. I just don’t want to have my outings revolve around these dogs, it’s not fun for me.
When I suggest leaving the dogs at home I get blowback from others. They all think it’s fun and enjoy the presence of the dogs, etc.
Cut to last weekend, I told my wife I didn’t want to go. She told me she wasn’t thrilled about the dogs either and would ask about having the dogs left at home.
She told me she talked to everyone and agreed to leave them at home.
We get to the restaurant and all the dogs are there. My wife clearly didn’t know so it wasn’t a trick by her. I see this and turn around. I tell my wife, do you want to stay because I’m leaving?
She says she is good leaving. I inform the others we are going home. They all seem shocked and ask why? I tell them why. One of them says we like doing this with our dogs and thought you guys were cool with it. I roll my eyes in disgust. Tell them, I’ve told you I don’t like the dogs around.
Stop being oblivious. Finally, end with let me know when you’ve left the dogs at home, and we’ll come again, and we leave. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They said they wouldn’t bring the dogs and brought them anyway. Also, it sounds like this friend group has generally moved on to non-bar-hopping activities, and you and your wife still want to do those things.
It’s probably time to branch out and make new friends. Given your ages, it might be challenging since a lot of people’s lives are consumed by child-related stuff right now which is even less conducive to bar-hopping, but the dog crew clearly isn’t working for you either.
Good luck.” Own-Cauliflower2386
Another User Comments:
“The recurrent theme in a lot of these posts is one party asking for something most of us consider reasonable, and the other party (parties) basically blowing them off. This could be bringing kids to a child-free wedding, closing a bathroom door when using it, or not eating the food you purchase without replacing it promptly.
It’s bizarre and it indicates one thing, they don’t care enough about you to honor your request. Apparently, your old friends have decided they would rather have a doggie play date than spend time with their old friendship group. This isn’t a huge deal, and you’re NTJ for leaving after they told your wife the dogs were staying home.
But they just demonstrated that they don’t care about you. It might be time to find new friends.” Dance_Sneaker
Another User Comments:
“Are you sure there wasn’t a miscommunication about whether or not the dogs would be there? It seems weird that your friends would bring dogs even though they specifically agreed not to bring them.
Was this place a favorite location by the group before dogs, or only after dogs? I only ask because since the dogs were there, it was obviously dog-friendly and it seems like an odd place to meet up for your friends who said they wouldn’t bring their dogs.
NTJ if your friends truly lied about bringing their dogs, but I just feel like there was a break in the line of communication somewhere. It could be this outing and location and activities were already planned to include dogs and they thought your wife meant an outing in the future?
I don’t know. It just seems like too much of a jerk move out of nowhere, so unless you have a history with your friends being mean like this, I’d say try and figure out what happened to cause the mixup.” smallpotatoes745
6. AITJ For Getting Two Men Kicked Out Of A Restaurant For Talking To My Son In The Bathroom?
“My (35M) wife and I took our kids for dinner at the local pub/restaurant tonight with another family.
I took my son (3) to the toilet around 6:45 to deal with a bit of a poo emergency.
While my son and I were in the cubicle two guys (20s, a little bit intoxicated but not out of control) came in and were waiting to use the toilet.
I was dealing with the situation as quickly as someone dealing with a p**********d 3-year-old can, but they were obviously impatient.
My son is very, very talkative and loud and likes to narrate, so there was lots of, “There’s more poo coming,” and “There’s poo everywhere, Daddy,” and the like.
The guys outside found this hilarious (and I recognize that it is objectively funny), but then they started responding to him (“Ooh, is it a big poo?”), which I could really have done without. I opened the cubicle door and asked if they could wait outside while I dealt with this.
The lead guy looked at me for a long time and said, “No, I’ll stay right here.”
They kept responding to my son every time he spoke, and after a few minutes, I asked them firmly to go away and leave me and my son alone.
They again refused and said, “You need to calm down,” and “Life is supposed to be fun. Why are you so uptight?”
I decided to get the heck out of there so abandoned the cleanup mission, stuffed my crap-smeared child back into his clothes, and left.
I then asked to speak to the manager, explained what had happened, and he asked their whole group to leave.
I genuinely can’t decide whether I was the jerk here. On the one hand, I was super stressed, and I didn’t react perfectly (I should have just ignored them), but on the other hand, I think, “Please stop talking to my pantless child, and give us some space” is just the sort of thing you comply with without much arguing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to “clean up” your crap-covered kid and commandeering an entire restroom instead of taking them straight home. Why would you subject other diners to that? That’s absolutely disgusting and unhygienic, and now some poor janitor is going to have to take care of the mess you left behind in the bathroom to boot.” aquarius8490
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude. You are so definitely not the jerk here, I would have been the jerk by starting a fight, traumatizing my child, and probably stabbing one of the blokes with a broken bottle or something because I have temper problems, you, on the other hand, did the absolute best you could in a horrible situation.
They are the jerks. What kind of freaks start chatting to a pooping 3-year-old, then refuse to stop? You handled it sooo much better than I would have, and I think you deserve a drink.” Uzumakibarrage313
5. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Story To Help My Sister's Charity?
“I (34f) have never had a great relationship with my older sister (36f) but we are civil. She lives nearby and has a close relationship with our mom. I live in a different country. I am very low contact with our mom due to child trauma.
(I’ve had extensive therapy.)
I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl in 2017 at 35.5 weeks. It was terrifying and traumatising and, for anyone else who has been in this boat, I highly recommend the charity Sands.
My family was not very supportive. I get it: baby death makes people weird.
My daughter’s death took a huge toll on my mental health. I mention this because I feel it contributes to my anxiety about being the jerk.
In 2019, my sister became pregnant with a baby girl. I was happy for her and excited to become an aunt.
I also had a lot of difficult feelings. My sister has always managed to outshine me, and I still carry some of that insecurity. It was irrational to think she got pregnant to spite me, but my grief-addled brain was not rational. I expressed to my sister and mom that I was struggling a bit and that although I was overjoyed, I may occasionally need to go “offline” for a couple of days to tend to my emotions.
My mom blanked me for several days before saying she was “disappointed” that the new baby wasn’t bringing my sister and me closer. She “couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just be happy” and she “wasn’t going to stop posting happy things just because I was upset.”
My sister also didn’t understand. She accused me of being jealous. Both she and my mom, on a few occasions, said, “You lost a daughter, but we lost a niece,” which I took to mean that they also suffered a terrible loss but were handling it better than I was.
I felt angry and misunderstood by their reactions. We all argued to the point where we stopped talking to each other. I wasn’t there for my sister during her pregnancy or for the first six months of my niece’s life. I take full responsibility for this.
I was hurt and couldn’t process that enough to remember my role as an aunt. My sister and I eventually patched things together, albeit shakily. She has a healthy baby girl and I try to be a good aunt from afar!
Six months ago, my sister said she started a stillbirth charity and asked me to write about my experience for the website.
I felt uncomfortable and took several days to think. Eventually, I wrote her back and said I didn’t feel comfortable writing my story because so much of my experience was tainted by our family’s reactions, including hers. She got angry and asked whether I would write my story if it wasn’t her asking.
She said it was “unfortunate” that I wouldn’t support her. I told her that I felt like I was in a good place and didn’t want to open it all back up again. Our communication has deteriorated since.
So, AITJ for not supporting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom and sister are terrible. How dare they constantly play the victim while disregarding your boundaries and not supporting you in the ways you need? “You lost a daughter, but we…!” but nothing! You lost a daughter, period. That is the part of the sentence they should have focused on.
Instead, all they seem able to do is find reasons to keep making you feel even worse than you already do. It’s clear your sister only started this charity to make herself look better and then got angry when she didn’t get the praise and gratitude she expected. But when you do something nice for someone, you don’t expect anything in return.
That’s the whole point of doing something nice! I really hope you consider going NC with these two. You’ve been through enough and you don’t need this headache on top of everything else. Be kind to yourself, OP.” Choice_Bid_7941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something about her starting a charity is really setting off alarm bells. So she supposedly starts a charity, which is a lot of work and red tape. Does she have non-profit experience? And the charity is for something she didn’t experience and was completely insensitive to the person she knows who did experience it?
All sounds bogus to me.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were in a vulnerable place and knew that what you were feeling didn’t make sense (reason rarely overrides emotions), and wanted to avoid hurting your sister by saying something you knew you’d regret later.
It sounds to me like you made the right choice, especially with how they reacted to you doing that. Now she is asking you to re-open the wound and pour out your soul. You can either say no (a perfectly good answer), say yes and lie in what you write so you don’t hurt their feelings (I don’t think lying is a good choice because others are going to read this to try to help them understand what they’re feeling in the same situation), or you say yes and tell the truth.
If you say yes and tell the truth, you are putting yourself back into the same emotional position as before and basically torturing yourself in an attempt to help other people, and then one of two things is likely to happen. Either your family finally understands what you went through and how you were trying your best, or they take offense to what you say and make you feel like crap, then likely won’t use what you wrote (wasting your time and the pain you’d open yourself up to again).
It’s perfectly reasonable to not want to flip that coin and instead say no. Even if they had acted reasonably, it’s still ok to say no because you don’t want to actively dig through those memories and relive the full weight of your grief again.
However, your sister is definitely the jerk, prioritizing her having a story vs your well-being.” Aylan_Eto
4. AITJ For Refusing To Go To The Doctor With My Partner To Comfort Her?
“Yesterday, my (19M) partner (19F) asked me if I would go to the doctor with her on Thursday because she’s getting an IUD put in.
She said she wants me there because her doctor said it’s gonna be an uncomfortable situation, and she would like me to be there with her, but she said her mom would go with her if I wouldn’t. I assumed if her mom was gonna go, it wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t.
So I told her that I’d rather not since I have work about an hour or so after her appointment is supposed to start, and I don’t wanna be late. Now she’s upset, and she said that she just wanted my support, and she didn’t think it was too much to ask for.
AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for not going but because you don’t seem to have an understanding of how you need to do more to support your partner.
Getting an IUD is painful, and I was definitely traumatized from mine (it had to be done in an emergency, and I wasn’t able to have proper pain meds).
If you can’t get Thursday off from work, please consider going out of your way to make sure your partner is supported. Perhaps buy some flowers and leave them as a surprise for when she gets home from the appointment. Make sure she has a heated pad ready at home by the bed or couch.
Set up her favorite snacks or some chocolate for when she gets home, with a card telling her that you love and support her and that you recognize the pain she went through that day benefits both of you. Ask if her mother will be able to stay with her afterward if needed.
The biggest thing is that you try to wrap your head around the fact that getting an IUD is a big deal and stop minimizing what she will experience. Your partner is clearly anxious about the upcoming procedure. Nothing you say will “fix” that anxiety, but you can spend the next few days recognizing her feelings with empathy and extra hugs.” DifficultSolution179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’d have had to call off work because doctors can be running 10 minutes late, 2 hours late, or anything in between. Who knows where it would land? She said her mother was a satisfactory alternative to you being there, and it’s 100% on her that she didn’t mean what she said.
If she had said, I only want you there, let’s book the appointment for a time we can go to this together, and you took a work shift anyway, then maybe you’d be a jerk. But you made moves within the options she set out as being acceptable to her regarding a procedure to her body.
IUD insertion being painful, etc. is neither here nor there. She gave two acceptable options, and you picked the one that allowed you to go to work, which it sounds like you’d already committed to when she asked about you attending the appointment. This whole thing is just poor communication on her behalf, but hey, we are all learning, and generally, we improve at this over time.” EbbWilling7785
Another User Comments:
“I will never forget the experience of getting my IUD inserted. I have a high pain threshold, but it was borderline unbearable, and I had no one there with me. Once it was inserted, an older nurse probably in her 50s looked me in the face and said, “The things we do, right?” I’ll never forget that.
She saw my pain. She understood that we, as women, have to do so many uncomfortable things for the benefit of men, without their gratitude or often acknowledgment. The tone of her voice and those words really stuck with me and from that point on I really thought about “the things we do.” And I would question whether a particular man was worth it.
All of this is to say, you should be grateful your partner is going through this FOR YOU. And be there to comfort her. Or maybe a nurse will say the same thing to her she said to me. YTJ.” meeemawww
3. AITJ For Having A "Childish" Rule For My Teens When They Have A Decision To Make?
“I (43M) have 4 teenagers (H-17F, J-16M, R- 14M, and K-13F).
Ever since they were little, I’ve tried to give them the opportunity to (not sure how to put this) make their own decisions/think for themselves? But what I really wanted to teach them was to think through their decision before making it final. So I implemented a two-week rule.
The rule is simple, you have two weeks from the time you ask us (my wife and me), to think over the pros and cons of your request, and after those two weeks, you come back to us and we discuss the outcome of your thought process and if you’re still set on it we will do it (within reason of course.)
Example: When K was 12 she asked if she could get her ears pierced I told her to think it over and get back to us in two weeks. In those two weeks, she did her research and decided she still wanted to get her ears pierced and so we went.
Anyways back to the main story. H came to her mom and me and asked if she could get a tattoo with her friends. She’ll be 18 in 6 months so we would still need to sign off for it. We’re usually calm with how our kids want to express themselves whether it be a haircut/dye or their style choices but this was different because it was permanent.
I wasn’t too fond of her getting a tattoo only because she was still a minor, but I reasoned with myself that she would be a legal adult soon, so I wasn’t too put out about it. As always I told her to think it over and get back to me in two weeks.
This time however she blew up at me. “Why do I still have to follow this stupid rule I’m almost an adult, and none of my friends’ families ask them to wait two weeks. Gosh, you treat us like toddlers; I don’t get it.” After that, she ran to her room and didn’t come out for the rest of the day.
My wife and I talked it over, and she is firmly on H’s side about it being a stupid rule in the first place and that she will be an adult soon, so it wouldn’t matter. She also said that if she doesn’t like it then it will be her mistake and she will learn from it.
I want to stand firm on the 2-week rule, but now my wife is saying I’m being too strict. I don’t know.
Am I being too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. I understand the point of the rule, and I think 2 weeks was probably a good time frame when the kids were younger.
But, as you said, she’s almost an adult, do you really think she still needs 2 full weeks to think about this decision? Do you, as an adult, take 2 full weeks to think through every decision you have to make? I’m going to guess no. So, maybe you could try shortening the time frame to, at most, 1 week?
I think that would be more reasonable.” Flashy_Bonus5569
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. This is not actually about the rule or the tattoo. Like, straight up, I’m in my 30s. Taking two weeks to think about something major is my standard operating procedure!
And there are a lot of decisions in my 20s that I wish I’d taken two weeks to think about.
This makes H feel like she’s being treated like a kid because, in her family experience, the rule is associated with being treated like a kid – and there’s a reason for that.
H wants to be an adult. That means they want to explore their own boundaries and make their own decisions like you taught them to (and good on you for that). And that means that they need the freedom to, yes, make decisions with permanent consequences.
You want to take care of your kid. And you want them to be independent. That’s good!
The thing is, 18 isn’t a magical age barrier. It’s just a number. H is old enough to go ask a judge for legal emancipation. What will take care of your kid best is gonna look different at this age (and will look different for each kid).
People, including near-18-year-olds, don’t blow up with, “You always treat me like a kid!” over one rule. There’s probably something else, and even if there isn’t, it’s worth listening to H anyway.
Sit your daughter down, and ask her, “What else am I doing that makes you feel like a child?
Tell me everything.” And then listen. And when she’s said her piece, say yours, and negotiate something that works for everyone. (Spoiler: it’ll probably involve her getting the tattoo.) That’s how adults resolve conflicts and set boundaries. That’s how young adult kids learn to just tell their parents, “This restriction bothers me, and I need something to change.” It’s a lot more important that H learn this than she adheres to the rule.
Best of luck to you and yours.” stealmymemesitsOK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The two-week rule is stupid. Unless you follow this rule yourself for everything, you need to stop it. She is almost an adult; let her make her choices without the stupid two-week rule.
Your daughter is going to go on an impulse craze when she finally turns 18. That rule will be thrown out the window. Also, I think you are being more ridiculous with this rule than what you lead us to believe. Your wife has taken your daughter’s side which makes me believe more has happened with this rule.
Your daughter blowing up at you over this rule makes me believe she either a. didn’t learn anything or b. this rule has caused more problems than helped.” deleted
2. AITJ For Inviting My Sister's Ex-Husband To My Wedding?
“My sister, Rose, and her ex-husband divorced over 2 years due to personal reasons and have two daughters, 10 and 12. My sister gets the kids for one month, and her ex-husband the other month, and so on.
I (25F) am getting married to my fiancé (27M) in 6 weeks. I decided I should start sending invites around now and since my wedding lies in a month where my ex-brother-in-law has the kids, I sent him an invite as well. My nieces have been wanting to come to my wedding ever since I told them since it’ll be their first wedding so I knew I’d have to invite him along with the fact most of my family and I consider him family.
They RSVP’d saying that they’d come, and I thought that was that. Until Rose called me yelling at me for inviting her ex-husband knowing that they weren’t on good terms. She kept on yelling saying that I didn’t want her at my wedding and how I was always jealous of her, which is not true.
After having enough of her yelling, I told her that our family couldn’t just cut out her ex-husband because of the fact that he is the father of their daughters. I told her she didn’t have to be at my wedding but I wanted her daughters at my wedding so that included her ex.
I hung up after that.
My mom is on my side but my dad isn’t so I’m conflicted about whether I’m wrong or not. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say ESH. You could’ve talked to your sister beforehand and discussed it, and it seems like you are prioritizing including the ex-husband a bit too much.
Unless your nieces want him to be there, there doesn’t seem to be a big reason why he should be there if it’ll cause such a conflict with your sister. Why can’t she just take her daughters for the day?” mixelydian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he doesn’t have to be there.
Your sister could have spoken to him to arrange to have them for that one day in return for her doing him a favor or him keeping them an extra day. It’s awful to force your sister to be in the same room as someone who has caused her so much hurt and pain and is still doing that.
She isn’t a random person – she is your sister – While you celebrate your happiest day – spare a thought for her same dream that crashed and burned and how he is making things difficult for her if they are not on good terms. How would you like it if your parents invited your exes to family events?
Maybe they liked them and got on well with them and wanted to remain friends – would you see that as totally off? What if you and your new husband split – are you happy that because your parents got on well with him he comes over?
Or would you appreciate your feelings and opinion being validated” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was married for 10 years to a toxic man. He physically and mentally tortured me for all those years. My mother always stood up for him, worried I would send him to jail when he would show up at my house and basically beat me up.
When my mom was dying, she told me and my siblings she wanted him to be a pallbearer at her funeral. No discussion, no asking for opinions, no asking how that made me feel. What the heck? What about me? This scenario is what you have done to your sister without even speaking to her about other options.
Hurts when family doesn’t take your feelings into consideration. I have been to many events with my ex but I am never happy about it. I know in advance he will be there and do the best I can because I have had time to prepare.” Dneyman859
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister Not To Name Her Baby After Our Brother?
“My (M45) youngest sister (38) announced at Christmas she’s expecting her first baby.
Previously, she said it’s unfair to bring children into this world, they are a drain on resources, etc. Even when my wife or other sisters were pregnant, she said this. So we were surprised when she announced her pregnancy, but she seemed happy, so we were too.
She’s already 6 months along, with a boy, who she wants to call “Greg” (not the actual name) after our brother, who died when he was 28.
This shocked me because my sister and Greg were not particularly close. They got on but spent the least time together out of all of us.
When she was born, Greg was 7. We went to boarding school at 8. Obviously, we saw her at breaks, but didn’t really grow up together in the way we did with each other and our other sisters.
Greg and I were identical twins and exceptionally close.
His name is a trigger. I have PTSD from discovering his body. I can think about my brother and his life with not too many intrusive thoughts, but when hearing his name I get flashbacks. My sister knows this. I get therapy, but the issue remains.
Also, my sister would always say she feels naming babies after people is old-fashioned. Yet now she wants to do this herself, the exact thing she said “strips babies of their individuality”.
I was really upset by the entire interaction and my knee-jerk reaction to her baby name choice was to blurt out “no, you can’t call him that”.
Obviously, my sister didn’t react well to this, saying that I don’t “own” my brother’s name and that I’m not the only one who misses him. She is right, I know that. But she doesn’t know what it’s like to have panic attacks and flashbacks when hearing his name.
She doesn’t know the horrific scene I walked in on. And she doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a twin.
I acknowledge she has as much a right to mourn our brother as I do, but he and I shared a flat, we were always together at home, at school, in the womb.
We were best friends. It’s hard enough seeing his face when I look in the mirror, without hearing his name too. I don’t feel “possessive” of him, as my sister claims, but he and I were always closest. That’s a fact. That doesn’t negate his bond with our sisters, but we were the most important people in each other’s lives.
Does this change because he’s dead?
She said at least someone would be honoring him (a reference to me and our sisters not naming our kids Greg). This really upset me. Life has been a constant struggle since he died. Very often, I want to join him.
Her suggestion that I don’t care really hurt. I admit it was wrong to imply she is doing this whole thing for attention, but she just made all these announcements, on Christmas Day no less, and caught me off guard. She hung up and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I’ve tried to reach out several times.
I’m worried I’ve ruined our relationship and/or ruined the name for her. I don’t know what to do? AITJ for my reaction?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And my condolences. Losing a sibling is losing a piece of yourself.
Losing a twin? Can’t even imagine. A half of you that made you whole is gone. I get your reaction. It was spontaneous. Maybe someone else in your family, your wife maybe, can reach out and explain the PTSD? Can explain your nightmares? Can explain why you will never forget, never not mourn, and need therapy?
I hope she’ll come to her senses. If I were her, I would have asked you privately what you think about naming him. Heck, we named our son after a King, a German Emperor, and a Caesar, and we still checked in with every friend of the same name if they would mind, including all the family members, before announcing the name.
In case of a death, you should check in with the closest relatives. She didn’t. Pregnancy hormones are no excuse for being insensitive. I hope she’ll come around. You may have to cut contact with everyone in the family who doesn’t get it.” Gold-Carpenter7616
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, but your sister absolutely is. My sister died 7 years ago. I miss her, but I know for a fact her death was much harder on her identical twin. I will never pretend it wasn’t or that she should “be over it” at any point during our lives.
They were always the closest to each other since birth. She still cries on their birthday every year. I make it a point to call her every year on their birthday and the day that our sister died. At the funeral, my sister had a woman hug her for a long time while she pretended that she was hugging her twin one last time.
She also had a little girl cry because she saw her and thought she was seeing the ghost of her twin. I will never deny that it was wholly more traumatic for her than it was for anyone else and that’s WITHOUT having found her body herself like you have experienced. I am pregnant now, and I did consider naming the baby after our sister.
Ultimately I am not, but if I had planned to go through with it and found out that my sister would not like that then that would be it. I wouldn’t do it. And if I had hypothetically decided to do it anyway, then I know I wouldn’t be able to expect my sister to have anything to do with the baby.
Your sister is being selfish and inconsiderate of your very real feelings and trauma. I think it shows how little she actually cares about her siblings to begin with. I’m sorry, I wish you the best, OP.” ThiccStarfishButt
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ but only because she doesn’t know the full extent of why you’re triggered when you hear his name.
I have lost too, and it is hard to hear my son’s name, and I pray my other son doesn’t name any of his future kids after his deceased brother (he was 4, and Son was a newborn, so there wasn’t a bond). It’s hard to relive that day, both of us, but you might have to go down that road with your sister and break it down.
Also, that shot she took at you was bullcrap, and call her out on it privately.” Li_Mu_Bizzy
