People Are Ticked Off By These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Shampoo The Carpets Before Coffee Amid A Tough Workweek?
“My wife chose to be a stay-at-home mom after finishing her degree but was derailed by health issues (IBS, pancreatitis, low-functioning gallbladder). She spent a year mostly bedridden, so I took on all responsibilities, including cooking separate meals for her restricted diet.
Over the past year, she’s managed her diet better and started CrossFit, which has been great for her.
This past week at work was exhausting, so after dinner, my wife and I enjoyed watching Outlander together. We’re hosting Thanksgiving on Sunday, and I expected my wife and our teens to handle some cleaning while I was at work, with me pitching in over the weekend.
My birthday is Friday, and Saturday was for food prep.
On Saturday morning—before our usual no-task-talk coffee—my wife told me I had to shampoo the carpets. This overwhelmed me because it’s a big job, and I struggle with sudden plan changes due to ADHD.
I explained I wasn’t prepared for it, and she got irritated, insisting I do it. Later, I tried to explain my tough week and need for downtime, but she became angrier.
I suggested she shampoo the carpet while I was at work, but she cited her IBS flare-ups.
I felt like everything was falling on me, and in frustration, I said, “So I have a disabled partner, and everything is ultimately my responsibility?” She got furious, accusing me of labeling her. I only meant to clarify, as her ADHD makes it hard to follow her when she’s emotional, and I often condense what she says to avoid misunderstandings.
She remained cold all weekend, so I cleaned other parts of the house to avoid conflict. Now she’s upset I didn’t ask how I could help with the carpets, even though she was feeling fine that day. I tried explaining my exhaustion and that I avoided her due to her attitude, but that wasn’t good enough because I didn’t focus on the areas she prioritized.
At least we got a lot done, but now I feel stuck.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it sounds like a mix of miscommunication, differing expectations, and built-up frustration on both sides. You were blindsided with a big task before your usual decompressing ritual, which is tough, especially with AuDHD.
She, on the other hand, may have been feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated, even if that’s not what you intended. The ‘disabled partner’ comment was probably the breaking point—it sounds like you were just trying to clarify, but she took it as a label rather than an observation.
Given everything she’s been through, that probably hit a nerve. At the end of the day, this seems like less of a carpet-cleaning issue and more of a communication struggle. Maybe a sit-down conversation (when you’re both calm) about how to handle these situations in a way that works for both of you could help.
You’re not the jerk for needing downtime, but she’s also not the asshole for struggling with her health—this just seems like a tough situation all around.” User
Another User Comments:
“Man, this sounds like one of those fights where it’s not about the carpets.
Your wife has been through a lot, and so have you. You’ve been doing your best to support her, but you also have limits, especially after a rough workweek. Springing a huge chore on you before coffee? Bad move. Saying ‘so I have a disabled partner and everything is my responsibility?’ Also a bad move.
I get why you said it, but dude, that was pouring gasoline on the fire. At this point, I think the best move is to clear the air when emotions settle. This feels more like built-up stress exploding in the worst way rather than either of you being truly in the wrong.
Just… maybe next time, no carpet talk before caffeine.” User
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I don’t think you’re the asshole for not wanting to shampoo the carpets, but I do think the way you worded things made everything worse. It sounds like you were overwhelmed, and she was probably feeling the same but expressed it in a way that clashed with your needs.
Dropping a big task on you right before your coffee ritual was bad timing, and your AuDHD makes sudden changes even harder to process. That said, the ‘disabled partner’ comment was rough. Even if you were just trying to summarize, it came across as dismissive of her struggles rather than empathetic.
No wonder she got upset. At the end of the day, this isn’t about the carpets—it’s about stress, expectations, and both of you feeling unsupported in different ways. Maybe sit down and talk it out when you’re both calm, because this cycle of resentment isn’t doing either of you any favors.” User
23. AITJ For Not Letting My Grandfather’s Past Mistreatment Override His Kindness To Me?
“A few weeks ago, my grandfather had a serious fall. He was on the floor for a while before being taken to the hospital, and now he’s at a rehab facility for mobility issues.
His experience there hasn’t been great—he’s being neglected by the night staff, some of whom are rude, and he’s barely eating. Recently, one of my aunts made him a sandwich, but he refused to eat it, and he’s mostly been starving himself.
Additionally, he’s showing early signs of dementia, according to his doctors.
The issue: My grandfather was not a good person to his family. Back then, he did, and my mom constantly reminds me of how terrible he was as a parent. I even blame him partly for the passing of my grandmother.
One of my aunts (the one who’s moving out) has been treated almost exactly like my grandmother was. My grandfather expects her to take care of everything for him, to “baby” him, and put his needs above her own. It’s been emotionally exhausting for her, to the point where she’s broken down in tears over the pressure.
She’s now moving out of their childhood home and likely cutting off all contact with him, which I completely understand.
However, my other aunt and my mom are furious at her for leaving, saying she should be helping him, even though my mom openly despises him.
I don’t understand why my mom feels sympathy for him despite everything he did, and we had a small argument over it. She seems to expect me to feel the same sympathy just because he’s my grandfather, but I personally feel he’s getting what he deserves.
Now, I’m feeling conflicted. Part of me wonders if I should feel some sympathy for him since he’s always been nice to me, but I also can’t ignore the fact that he was a horrible person to the rest of my family.
So, AITJ for not feeling sympathy for my grandfather?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a bit tough to call because he has been kind to you personally. But I think you can’t just erase the knowledge of how he’s treated the women in the family. Can certainly try and be kind to him because it’s the right thing.
But it seems like his negative actions, color, or any kind of sympathy you have, and you can’t help that.” Having-hope3594
22. AITJ For Prioritizing My Friend's Health Over My Narcissistic Mom's Demands?
“My (26 F) best friend (23 F) just found out there’s a very good chance she has ovarian cancer. The doctor told her that with what they’ve seen on the ultrasound, they don’t believe it’s PCOS and are certain it’s cancer.
They’re doing a biopsy today or tomorrow to confirm. My friend moved about 5-6 hours away and is there with her partner who wouldn’t even go to the hospital because he wanted perfect work attendance (wouldn’t lose his job if he left, just a jerk who wouldn’t leave work, but don’t get me started on him).
So all her family and friends are here, and she’s basically by herself. So I’m trying to find time to go visit.
My mom found out in 2022 that she had cancer. I went and got a biopsy, and when the results came in, I went to the doctor’s appointment with her.
The doctor told her that it was benign and she had nothing to worry about. He gave her the option to have an elective surgery to have her thyroid removed if it gave her peace of mind, and she agreed to it. So after the surgery, she needs to be on certain meds, so I went to get them.
She started telling everyone she had to go get radiation; she never did, and that one of the pills I picked up was “chemo pills.” They weren’t chemo pills; they were calcium. None of her pills were chemo. My sister’s friend’s father had late stage 3 thyroid cancer at the same time; thankfully, he survived and is doing great today, but she got mad at us because when we found out, we talked about how sad that is, and not how she had it.
She lied and told everyone she had stage 3 cancer and made everyone feel like crap. To this day, she’s telling people she worked with that she has spots on her voice box (she doesn’t have them and hasn’t been to the doctor’s since her last check up almost 8 months ago).
I decided I wanted to try and find time to go visit my friend because she’s having a hard time and is by herself. I mentioned this, and my mom got upset because “no one did that for her when she had cancer and we don’t know if my friend even has it.” Mind you, we don’t have family that lives away for them to even do that, and she didn’t have cancer.
I try not to upset her because she’s a narcissist and will start crying and say I don’t love her, but I can’t even be upset about my best friend because I didn’t drive 5-6 hours to my mother when I live with her. It’s taking everything in me not to tell her, “Get over it, you never actually had cancer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yep, that’s a narcissist for ya. Pretty gross of her to make other people’s cancer diagnoses about her. Alas, as a 40 year old lady with a narcissist father who has attempted to argue facts with him many times…… she’s not going to change.
For your own sake, I’d work on moving out and firming up your boundaries.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why do narcissists do this? It’s disgusting the levels they stoop to in order to get attention. My stepkid’s mother is like this. She told her son when he was about 7 that she had uterine cancer, he was very upset, and she didn’t have uterine cancer.
She still does it now. I am a nurse who works with cancer patients, so it annoys the absolute crap out of me.” ginfairy15
21. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate's Partner To Use A Hotel Instead Of Our Dorm?
“My roommate’s partner came over to the city and spent 2 nights in our dorm and 2 nights at his uncle’s.
Because they weren’t getting a hotel and I felt bad, I gave them the room for a day and slept in my friend’s room. The next day I had to get my shoes and bring my stuff back to the room. It was past 12 pm, so I assumed they were also getting ready to leave and I sent her a text that I was going up.
I cracked the door open and saw her partner’s clothes thrown to the side of her bed while they were under the sheets. In a rush, I had to go in, pick up my shoes, and leave. (Why did I feel embarrassed instead of them?)
The next day I had to sleep in the room because of work, and even after work I had 2-3 hours before they came in, so I went to the basement, door-dashed dinner, and then did homework for 4 hours before I had enough of it.
Last night, around 6, I went to the room and saw that the lights were off and that they were in bed. He was supposed to leave for his relative’s house at 9. I assumed they were trying to spend a lot of time together, so I got my iPad and left. It was 10, and I was pretty hungry and tired, but I was trying to wait for her text to go back in and couldn’t take it, so I texted her that I was going up.
He ended up leaving a bit later, and it was my first night of proper sleep in two days.
Today, around 11 am, I hung out with my friend and got a text saying they were going up to the room at 12:30 pm. I got back around 3, found them in bed again, and just came down to the basement.
I know her situation, and I feel bad whenever I get annoyed about the situation, but is it wrong for me to think that they should at least be spending the day out? Like, I get that they haven’t seen each other in a bit (a month and a half), but at least get a night in a hotel or allow me to not have to forcefully third wheel.
I want to say something about it, but at the same time I understand that they’re in a long-distance relationship. It seems like they care but don’t care about me feeling awkward about this situation. Also, I usually spend most of my days out of school and work in the dorms, and she knows about it, so is something just not clicking?
We have classes tomorrow, but he’s probably going to sleep in our room with her until his flight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You shouldn’t have to be landed with an additional roommate against your will. I’d stop leaving and accommodating them, and tell your roommate you don’t want him to stay there so often anymore, and you won’t be going to another room anymore.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“You kindly gave them space: it’s sort of up to them to decide what to do with the time. Perhaps it isn’t the most courteous thing for them to do, but I guess you didn’t add any condition to your offer? In all honesty I would feel a bit put out not being able to spend time in my own room in case I intruded on them.
From your passage there doesn’t seem to be much of a conflict? Both you and them were pleasant about it all. Nobody’s an ass.” OneEyedMilkman87
20. AITJ For Handling My Estranged Dad's Funeral On My Own Terms Despite My Aunt's Requests?
“I (43f) haven’t seen my dad since I was 16. He was abusive to my mom and moved me to another state across the country when I was 2. At 16, I thought I would try to start a relationship with him.
It didn’t work out as he still wasn’t a good person. I had kids at about 31 and thought I’d try to get in touch again. I was told by his family that they didn’t know where he was. A couple of years go by and my aunt called out of the blue to see if I was willing to give my dad a kidney.
I had two small kids and I wasn’t comfortable. Diabetes runs rampant on both sides of my family. Fast forward to 6 years ago and I moved back to my home state. I asked my aunt to let him know I wanted to see him. Again, no one knows anything and she was my dad’s confidant.
In August 2023, I get a call from my aunt that my dad is in ICU 1.5 hours from me, so here’s my chance to see him before he dies. I try to be there for him and I visit every other weekend. He gets better, but he’s not all there—very innocent—so I realize I’ll never know who he was, but I’m happy to learn who he is now.
He remembers me and is happy I’m there.
Eventually, I bring his grandkids so he can meet them. My aunt lives 2.5 hours away, doesn’t visit, and is still very tight-lipped about his past. When I got her on the phone, she started telling me these stories about my dad escaping the nursing homes, so I realized she’s known where he’s been the whole time.
He has to go to the ER, and the hospital nurse confirms he was homeless before this all started and got this from my aunt. My aunt messages me that the doctor called her and that my dad passed at 1 a.m., and she supports whatever I do.
The doctor calls me and says my aunt directed him to me because we need to get him to a mortuary within 4 hours as they don’t have one. I messaged her this, and she says he wanted to be cremated and buried in his hometown 4 hours from me.
I google a funeral home at 1:30 a.m. and message my aunt that the cost is $2500 and ask if he had any benefits. She’s short and says she doesn’t have money and has no benefits.
So, I’m realizing I’m going to have to pay for his funeral. I have the money, and I’m in the process of waiting to get his ashes.
Now she’s telling me that I need to ask the funeral place if we can bury him in our hometown and that she needs three death certificates. She asked me for the cost because she says she may be able to help and that the family has a lot for him in the hometown.
I asked her if there was a cost to dig up the lot, and she didn’t respond. She’s been tight-lipped this whole time, and I wonder if she will even tell me what she’s planning, while here I am paying for it and handling everything.
She told me this morning that she doesn’t have money, never told me about a lot for him, and now needs three death certificates. I just want to keep his ashes and do something on my own. The other part is that my dad isn’t on my birth certificate because he wasn’t present for the birth.”
Another User Comments:
“Death certificates are nothing to worry about. They are public record and anyone can get them. They are just proof that he died. Insurance companies need something else to show that you are the one who gets money. BTW, You don’t need to pay for a funeral. If you are the next of kin, you have to pay for the proper disposal of his remains (cremation and you take the box of ashes, that is good enough.
You are required to have a service and all that. Are you his next of kin? Did he have a wife or other children? This may not be only you. NTJ for wanting cremation, no service and to dispose of the cremains privately.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“Something is really fishy here. I’m concerned there is a scam afoot. I cannot think of any reason why she would need 3 copies of the death certificates other than to claim some sort of life insurance policy or other such benefits she hasn’t told you about.
Since he is not on your birth certificate, I am worried you are being required to pay thousands for all this, and then they will claim monies they know about, instead of paying for his funeral, and will not allow you reimbursements because you can’t prove kinship.
And you can keep his ashes if you want. I would get the cemetery name and call personally just to see if it’s on the up and up.” Special-Parsnip9057
19. AITJ For Informing My Cousin's Ex About Her No-Contact Order Violation?
“So my cousin is going through a divorce from her husband. There are some mental health issues on her part. He had a temporary no-contact order against her and they went to court for it yesterday. Before yesterday, they were living on his two separate properties, which are about a 7-hour drive apart.
I personally live about 1.5 hours from the property where he was.
On Thursday night, my cousin called and asked if I would head over to his property and see if he was there. She seemed to think that he was not legally supposed to be at that property.
This was a very inappropriate request, of course. I should have immediately said, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be involved,” but as the people pleaser that I am, I just gave her an excuse as to why I couldn’t do it. So then she asks, “Do you know anyone who can?” To get her off my back, I said, “Well, I know he’s there; he posts about it on social media.”
Then she asked me for screenshots. I felt trapped and like I needed to do what she was asking, so I sent her two screenshots. Afterwards, I felt horrible. I messaged her and said, “Look, I can’t be doing stuff like this anymore… We have no beef with your ex, he was always nice to us.” I also messaged him, confessed what I’d done, and apologized to him for it.
(She ignored my message; he answered nicely and said not to worry about it).
Well then I got a voicemail from a cop from her city. The cop wanted my statement on a breach of a no-contact order. I ignored his voicemail because I was already tired of being involved. I have realized that my cousin’s ex showed the cops my message and that her asking me to drive to his house was considered to be going against the no-contact order.
This morning, my cousin’s ex messaged me and said that the result of the court date is that she is not allowed to contact him for a year. I also saw that my cousin has blocked me.
So to sum it up (trying to word this right because the bot keeps kicking my post off):
1. I told my cousin’s ex that she was asking me to drive to his house, and he used my secondhand testimony in court against my cousin.
2. AITJ for telling him what she asked?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just say no to start with next time, but you did the right thing letting him know.
No contact orders don’t mean you find someone else to spy on someone to prevent you from stalking them, and the behavior you’re describing sounds like it could become dangerous. It doesn’t matter if it was your cousin or not, you did the right thing.” Duuuuude84
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…. Not to your cousin but to yourself. You owe it to yourself to have your own back. Stand up for yourself and say no. Practice saying no. Practice saying it without even producing a justification or excuse for it. It’s good that you had the spine to do the right thing and tell your cousin’s ex about it.
Now just carry that spineness a bit further and apply it to yourself too.” manlet_pamphlet
18. AITJ For Ditching My Dog So I Could Move In With My Partner?
“I (27F) have been seeing my beautiful partner “Aria” (26F) for almost a year now. My lease is about to end, so we’re currently making arrangements for me to move in with her and her 2 cats. There’s only one problem, my dog, Layla.
Aria very clearly told me that she wouldn’t let me move in with her unless I got rid of Layla. I completely understand, her cats are indoor cats and are deathly afraid of dogs. Plus, Layla is a huge dog and she kind of scares me, to be honest.
My sister Carrie (who has 3 large dogs in a 1 bedroom apartment btw), however, sees it in a different light. She says that Aria is way out of line and that Layla matters more than moving in with Aria. But here’s the thing, before I had adopted Layla, Carrie had been pressuring me to get a dog for months.
Eventually, I decided to hear her out and we went to the pound. When we arrived, she kept pointing out the large dogs and wouldn’t listen when I pointed out the smaller ones. She kept preaching about how big dogs are so misjudged and deserve a chance at a forever home, and eventually convinced me to adopt Layla.
Huge mistake.
Ever since I got her, Layla has ripped up my furniture, torn up my shoes, and destroyed all of her toys on a consistent basis. I’d be lying if I said I weren’t looking for a reason to take her back for a while.
So a few days ago, I texted Carrie and told her that I was taking Layla back to the shelter.
She was devastated. She called me crying and told me not to give up on my “poor innocent baby.” She called me heartless and cruel for giving Layla up knowing that Carrie can’t afford to take her.
I told her it was my decision and there was no way I was keeping Layla. I took her back to the shelter not too long after.
My sister has been whining about it on social media ever since. I’ve gotten multiple messages from family and friends about how cruel I was to dispose of my dog and “rub it in” my sister’s face.
Aria and my parents are 100% on my side, but Carrie and a few of our friends are horrified by what I’ve done, and I’m starting to feel a bit like a jerk. So, AITJ for getting rid of Layla?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH on so many levels 1.
You adopted Layla not because you wanted to, but because your sister pushed and persuaded you to adopt her. You shouldn’t have done that if you can’t handle/look after a big dog. It is very irresponsible of you to do this. 2. You’ve been trying to find reasons to get rid of Layla.
Lo and behold, Aria gave you a way out. Get rid of Layla or no moving in together. So who got the chop? Poor Layla 3. Your sister forced you to adopt a dog 4. Your gf for giving an ultimatum to kick Layla out, I feel very very sorry for Layla.
Hopefully her next human will be a lot better than you. She deserves better.” Vvvvvhonestopinion
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister sucks too, but you made the decision to adopt and make a commitment to Layla, and now she will likely suffer for your thoughtlessness.
I get that your sister pressured you, etc. But you decided and ultimately are responsible. If you didn’t want Layla anymore, the least you could have done is check in on her to make sure she transitions to a home that will love her and commit to her.” Temporary_Agency_599
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Cyberbullying Grandmother?
“My grandmother (70F) and I (30F) have always had a tumultuous relationship, to say the least. When anyone asks me why I don’t like her, I use the blanket statement, “she cyber bullies me.”
Six years ago, when I got married, immediately after friends were posting the pictures they took on social media and she DMed me asking where the pictures of her were, I told her that I would get them to her as soon as the wedding photographer got them to me.
She then shared a picture of my other grandparents (who she does not get along with) that my MOH had taken and implied I was a liar. I told her she was unhinged and needed to calm down, and explained to her like she was five that I couldn’t force the wedding photographer to edit the pictures faster.
She didn’t speak to me for a while after that.
More recently, she messaged me on Snapchat to say she’d be in my state and would like to see me. I messaged back that, unfortunately, we’d be out of the country visiting my in-laws. She messaged me again on Snapchat to say she was there, and I said again, we’re not in the country.
When I got home, I had heard from my brother that she was talking trash. She said I was ignoring her, to which my best guess is that she opened my messages by mistake and never read them, and due to the nature of Snapchat, never would.
I thought to call her to explain but decided, “Forget it, let her talk trash.”
It came to a head when my mother posted a picture of my daughter and my grandmother commented to the effect of, “Too bad she’s keeping them from me!” We got into a fight over the picture to the point of my mom having to take it down.
Via DM, she continued, and I requested an apology that she refused to give. I told her it was unfortunate I’d be moving close to her since she behaves like this.
Finally, on one of those dumb public posts requesting old fashioned baby names, she commented, “I would worry about them being made fun of like my poor great grandson!” First of all, he’s four.
No one his age has the cognitive ability to trash talk his name, but this old lady does. I took a screenshot and sent it to her saying, “Hey, why are you like this?” She sent back a paragraph about how I’m mean to her and to stop talking to her.
She 100% believes she’s done nothing wrong, and I’m the jerk. Is she right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Block her. She told you not to talk to her anymore, so don’t engage. Don’t engage with anything that gets to you through other people either.
She’ll try all sorts of ways. My friend’s mother is like this and it’s exhausting.” Annalirra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t waste your time. She won’t change and will probably get worse. She screams narcissist and there’s probably other issues there too. I wouldn’t be in contact with her if you don’t have to.
Not worth the angst.” KitchenDismal9258
16. AITJ For Telling My Brother That It’s Mom’s Money, Not His?
“This one deserves some backstory. My (m16) brother (m22) got his bank account opened by our mother (m51) when he was 13. In addition to her opening the account, she arranged it so that $50 from her account would automatically go into his every month. Fast forward to now, my brother had graduated trade school and works in HVAC.
Because my mom felt that my brother now had a stable income, she told me and him that she was going to try and switch it so that instead of $50 going into his account, it would go into mine. But until she could find the time to make that arrangement, she would just have my brother Zelle me $50 on the day that he gets it.
So each month, on that date, I would ask my brother to Zelle me $50. (My mom works in a lab, so waiting long periods of time for her to get these small things done is not new to us.)
For the first two months, he would do it with no problem when I asked. But then the following months turned into grumbling responses and similar behavior.
Frankly, I didn’t care that much, seeing as I wasn’t doing anything wrong or stealing his hard-earned money. But then this month, on the day he was to make a transfer, his friends from trade school happened to be at the house when I came home from school.
(At that time, I’d only been in school for three days.) I greeted all three of them, then asked politely and discreetly if he could send over “the thing.” He then, very obnoxiously, said, “Oh my god, you want MORE money?” This made me upset and confused because: 1.
He made it seem like I was mooching off of him; and 2. Judging by the side eyes I got from his friends, it seemed like he had been complaining about me taking money from him beforehand, which was kind of expected because he has a horrible habit of belittling folks around him.
Before I could think, I blurted, “I don’t know why you’re acting like you worked for it. It’s mom’s money,” and went up to my room. Later on, when they left, he barged into my room and called me a jerk for making it seem like he was unemployed. I admit, the way I worded it did make it sound like he was jobless.
At that point, I was embarrassed and upset. Now he has been stonewalling me, and the small interactions I try to have are met with one-word answers. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He embarrassed you and he didn’t expect the same when you were high on emotions?
Make sure your mom starts sending you the money, and explain that he is no longer willing to do so and is embarrassing you when you ask for the money.” Starr_Lights
15. AITJ For Questioning My Boss About Withholding My Bonus For College?
“I (16M) and two schoolmates (16F, 16M) worked at the same company this summer, doing the same job.
When we were hired, we talked and knew we’d all be getting paid the same. Yesterday, my coworkers and I got paid for the last few weeks, and we had lunch together. During lunch, my friends were really excited because they received a bonus, and our ex-boss said that the bonus was to help them save money for college.
On the other hand, I didn’t get the bonus, and my ex-boss didn’t mention college at all to me. He just said I could work there again next summer if I wanted to and that it could be good for my resume after high school.
I was confused since there was never any talk of a possible bonus and no explanation as to why they got one and I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do, so I consulted some people on Reddit. I decided to talk to my ex-boss about it without exposing my coworkers.
Today, I approached my boss and told him that since this was my first job, I wanted to know if I’d done something wrong and where I could improve. He said I did everything right, he liked that I was a dedicated worker, and that it was the right path for me.
Since he praised me, I felt I could ask about the bonus, so I asked him why my coworkers got a bonus and I didn’t, if I was doing so well. He then said the bonus was to help my coworkers because they wanted to go to college, and I told him I wanted to go to college too.
That’s when my ex-boss said something that hurt me deeply. He said a lot of people want to go to college, but not everyone gets to, and I should think about that. He added that he thinks the other two are definitely going to college, while he doesn’t think I will.
I didn’t say anything and left the room.
I felt really sad and wanted to talk to someone about it, so I called my coworker (one of the ones who got a bonus). He got really angry at me because I had told them about the bonus.
He said our ex-boss wouldn’t trust them anymore and that I had ruined the good relationship they had with him. I called my coworker several times, but he hasn’t picked up. I also sent him a text, but I received no response. I don’t think I ruined their relationship, but now I’m starting to wonder if I messed up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they didn’t tell you this in confidence and while it may not be the wisest move for your job there, you were justified in bringing it up. Your boss is a really mean person. Don’t take it to heart; so many people have been told by people like him that they wouldn’t make it, and oftentimes they’ve made it big time, being even more motivated by that statement.
Anyone who talks to a teenager like this is a jerk. Send him a postcard when you make it, telling him that you pity his small business and that he can’t afford to pay all of his good employees bonuses. Not fully serious, forget about him as fast as you can and go on to live your life.” oceanwaves_1
Another User Comments:
“This is so wrong on so many levels…. Bonuses should be paid out based on the work you did, not because of what you might do with said bonus. Even if you never intended to go to college and wanted to use it some other way instead, that’s not a valid reason for your ex-boss to withhold the bonus without being a jerk.
It’s discrimination, pure and simple. NTJ. Find a better boss for next summer. Oh, and send your former boss a photo of you in college once you get there, just because pettiness sometimes rocks.” Pondering-Out-Loud
14. AITJ For Confronting The Teacher Over My Artwork Plagiarism?
“I (19F) and my (20F) friend met up today. For some reason, we started talking about this art diploma incident that happened to me a while back (before I graduated, about 3 months or so ago).
She said I shouldn’t be so mad about it or send a message to the teacher about it anymore. To make reading and writing easier: close friend = Rachel, the mutual “friend” = Max
It was “the final project” that I had to do before I was going to graduate, so it meant A LOT to me.
I made this series of paintings, and I was so proud of them. I have an art account, so of course I wanted to show my followers WIP photos of the paintings. A person who is better friends with Rachel than I am follows said art account and actually commented on some of those WIP photos and stories.
Max made very positive comments and even said they were very inspired by my works. Max was also in the class for the final art project!!!!
Sooo, a bit of time goes by and we have to bring our artworks to school. I had brought mine early in the morning and I had to attend classes, while the others (Max, classmates, and teacher) hung the paintings and other artworks up.
I was a bit bummed, but oh my God, it saved me from being so mad in front of others. Turns out Max FREAKING plagiarized my works down to the freaking colours, people and the way MY PIECES were supposed to be hung up?? I was so mad when I saw MY PAINTINGS HUNG UP NEXT TO THEIRS!
I knew they had mimicked my stuff because they claimed they hadn’t even started when they commented on my photos. The teacher had the freaking nerve to say “Oh isn’t this such a lovely coincidence?” How the heck is it a coincidence when they are LITERALLY THE SAME?!?
I thought that was the end of my worries, but no. Max even got a higher grade than I did.
I tried to ask the teacher about the grading, but she started to ignore me. I asked her if we could meet up after school because I wanted to talk to her about it.
I have a feeling she knew about the situation, but refused to do anything. So now, after I have calmed down about the situation a little bit, I was thinking of sending the teacher a message and asking her about it. Like, how the heck did she not know and why would she put two series of paintings so similar to each other on the same wall?
My friend keeps telling me not to be so offended. She even tried to tell me it’s so embarrassing for me to send the message so late. I’m so mad. I feel like she just doesn’t want me to send it for her own good because she’s friends with Max?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I personally would elevate it to the dean of the department or another figure above the actual teacher, there is no reason that plagiarism should be allowed, especially since the teacher and that particular student are FRIENDS, that is favoritism and shouldn’t be allowed.” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You should take this to a higher party with screenshots of Matt’s comments with time stamps. This is not right… The fact your teacher thinks this is okay is disturbing, and she should be fired. Then the audacity to give Matt a better grade?
You’re being played…” Gabbz737
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here without further info. It’s hard to tell how similar the pieces are without seeing them. It sounds like either the teacher’s definition of plagiarism is different from yours or the assignment isn’t graded on originality.
If you want to accuse him of plagiarism, go through the proper channels (i.e. a Dean or something). Unless the level of detail in the plagiarism is extreme, I doubt they’ll do anything. Copying styles or concepts is probably not sufficient for academic misconduct.
Also, be aware that it may affect your professional reputation. Even though you’re in the right, you make everyone involved’s life more difficult (your teacher, the Dean, the student) by filing an accusation like this. In any profession, it’s pretty common for people to adopt ideas that aren’t secured by copyright, trademark, or patent.
The easiest course of action is to keep honing your craft and not spare thought for unoriginal copycats. Not much can be done in most cases.” itpguitarist
13. AITJ For Not Paying My Ex's Water Bill After His Unapproved Plumbing Fix?
“Ex-husband and I severed our tenant-landlord relationship at the end of last month when I gave him the option to buy my house, otherwise I was selling it.
He opted to break the lease four months early. He waited until a week after he moved to inform me that there had been a leak underneath the house, where he had performed an unauthorized modification to the piping leading to the outside spigot; however, he wasn’t sure if the leak was related to his work.
I had already informed him via text, after I found out about the modification, that if there was any damage to the property attributable to it, I would hold him responsible.
So I sent my pretty handy partner underneath the house to check it out, because I know absolutely nothing about plumbing, to see if it was something he could fix or if I needed to call a professional plumber.
He went under and sent me photos of the leak coming directly from where my ex-husband had tied in for his modification. Ninety dollars later, the problem was fixed with some copper pipe and shark bites. No problem.
Now, where I might be the jerk is that, after all was sorted out, my ex-husband sent me a picture of his final bill stating that he owed $98 to the utility company.
In his lease, it states that he is responsible for his own utilities, and that’s why they were in his name. However, because at the beginning of our divorce we were quite amicable, I did him a kindness and paid both his garbage bill and water bill for the year.
I calculated the numbers by taking the average of our normal water usage while we lived at the property together for three years. The bill was fairly regular, so I paid that exact amount plus $40 to cover any possible overages. He used the entire overpayment in seven months and expected me to pay the final bill of $98.
At this point, he’s called me an unfit parent, violated his lease several times, violated our divorce decree several times, and allegedly forged my signature on a banking document. My kindness has been exhausted.
So I told him to frankly pay the bill. The lease states he is responsible, the bill is in his name, and my responsibility ended with fixing the leak that he did not inform me of until after he moved out.
The bill is his responsibility and I’m not paying it. He, of course, called me a heartless person for not helping him out because moving is expensive, and he’s ranting to anyone who will listen about how I’m trying to bleed him dry. Our mutual friend group is split between those who say I’m a jerk for not just paying it and leaving it be, and those who want me to tell him to kick rocks after how he’s treated me all this time.
So I’m coming to you guys. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Drop all emotion from this and any future dealings with him. Go by the letter of the law/lease/divorce decree. No bargaining, no modifications, no leeway, no excuses. He’s proven he can’t be an adult and handle things amicably; that’s his loss.
Send him one more written notice to pay (include a specific due date). If he fails to respond, go to small claims court. Don’t play games with a jerk; they will out-jerk you every time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter how he’s treated you ‘all this time.’ The salient facts are that he incurred the water bill.
The water bill is in his name, so he is the one who owes it. You did him a kindness in paying the year-ahead average so he didn’t have to pay it; however, that doesn’t mean you should have to pay more than that. It’s not in the contract of the lease; therefore, you had no obligation to pay any of it.
Additionally, he made a modification which you had to pay to have fixed, and he broke the lease four months early. Depending on the laws in your state, you could potentially charge him a break-lease fee, and he would be liable for those four months of rent.
So what it comes down to is whether you want to just pay the $98 and be done with him, or if you want to drag it out and have it get uglier than it already is. He’s a jerk, and I doubt he’s going to change.
If he can make it difficult for you, he will.” MissSuzieSunshine
12. AITJ For Being Upset My Birthday Car Feels More Like Debt Than A Gift?
“AITJ for being upset I got a car for my 16th birthday? My parents surprised me for my birthday with a car in January.
I knew they had been searching around because they would have me watch my two siblings on days and not tell me where they were going. One day, I was trying to contact them to ask if I could use my mom’s card to buy us some food, and they were not answering, so I checked their location and they were at a car dealership.
I was pretty excited, but I tried not to get my hopes up. We had talked about getting me a car for a while at that point, and they knew what I was interested in and how much my car payment would be since I would be paying it myself while my parents would put a down payment on it for me.
One day, while I was watching my siblings again, they called me and said to come out front. My dad pulled up with a 2013 Hyundai on which they had put a $1,000 down payment. The problem is that my car payments are $300 a month. Although I love my car so much and I am so thankful for it, it also feels like a burden in a way.
I am entering my junior year of high school, and I am also taking college courses and working at the same time. My work is such a bad environment, and on many days, I have gone home crying.
I also do not have my license yet because my grandmother wanted to get me signed up for my course lessons as a Christmas gift. I wanted to start it once I turned 15 1/2 and pay for it myself, but my mother said I had to wait.
I also have not signed up for my driving lessons yet because my grandmother has to do it for me, and I have been asking for weeks, begging to pay for it, but she says she hasn’t gotten around to it yet.
The car payments are so exhausting because almost all of my money has been going to them, and I have a few monthly subscriptions I pay for which also take from it.
I feel guilty. I wish my parents hadn’t gotten me a car, and I wish that they could take it back. I don’t know if it is appropriate that I’m feeling like this, or if I am just being ungrateful?”
Another User Comments:
“I didn’t expect this to be NTJ, but NTJ.
If they had gifted you a fully-paid car, you would be the jerk, but they didn’t gift you a car, they gifted you debt. They could’ve given you $1k for a down payment, but no, they signed you up for the debt. For a car you can’t even use.
Wow. It feels like they only did that so they can say they got you a car for your birthday? Which, I’d like to repeat, they didn’t. I have no idea how to handle this, though. This will need some tact and calmness to discuss, but I wouldn’t know where to start with thoughtless and self-centred people like that.
I hope there’ll be other comments from people with more experience dealing with that kind of family that will be helpful to you. Would they understand if you explained to them it was like “gifting” them a house by making a $10k down payment in their name and signing them up for $2k in monthly payments?” VolatileVanilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents didn’t gift you a car, they gifted you a financial burden that a great deal of adults struggle to carry. Sit down and thank them for the thought, but you’re not comfortable accepting it. That $1,000 could get you a really crappy beater car that would have done just fine and wouldn’t have saddled you with 5+ years of debt.” Ok_Outcome_6213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This absolutely sounds like the gift that keeps on taking. I totally understand that they were trying to do something nice for you (which will also likely benefit them with you watching your siblings, etc.), but it sounds like awful planning!
Like, why on earth would you get someone a car when they can’t even drive yet? On top of that, the car will continue to depreciate in value while it’s not in use. By the time you get round to being able to use it, it will be another year older, with another year’s worth of repairs.
I don’t even have any advice to give in what you should do, because this now sounds like a lose-lose situation. You and your parents will both be out of pocket by the time you can use the car.” Cheap_Doughnut7887
11. AITJ For Cutting Off A Family Friend Over Unpaid Babysitting And Boundary Violations?
“I, 20f, have recently told a family friend, let’s call her Kathy, and her husband, Matt, about a good few years of my life.
She’s been a fairly decent friend when I needed her, and I did the same for her. She has 2 kids—we’ll call them Halley, age 11, and Linda, age 9. Halley is the oldest girl, and Linda is the younger girl from Kathy’s first marriage—and Matt has a daughter, Serena, who is 15 and has autism.
I’ve been her go-to babysitter for a good while, and it hasn’t been so bad. I went over, got paid, and left; not too bad, right?
At Kathy and Matt’s wedding, Halley had an accident, ended up in the hospital, and acquired a few mental disabilities, which is not surprising.
After that, everything started to spiral downhill. Kathy and Matt stopped being parents and haven’t disciplined their kids. That was all left to me and my parents. Now every time we talk to them or hear from these people, they ask us for money or ask us to watch their kids.
For the past few months, when Kathy asked me to watch her kids, she’d hold the “promise” of a Disney trip over my head, and she doesn’t pay me. Her youngest daughter, Linda, is an attention seeker, and Kathy hasn’t helped the situation because she blames all of Linda’s bad behaviors on disabilities like ADHD.
I have ADHD, and I don’t act the way this kid does. Linda also mimics everyone’s disabilities. My mom has IBS, and Linda has decided to make her mother believe she has it as well, which isn’t true. I know this because, in the years I’ve known them, it doesn’t run in the family, and she only began telling people she had IBS after she overheard my mom talking about it.
Serena, Matt’s 15-year-old daughter, has autism, which I understand can have a lot of issues and that she needs to be taught about boundaries. However, they don’t bother trying to teach her, and she refuses to listen to me, and her parents won’t help me in situations that make me uncomfortable.
More than once, Serena has groped me or said things to me that made me feel gross, and no one will listen to me or help me when these instances come up. Finally, Kathy trauma-dumps on me at every possible moment she can. It puts more mental strain on me than I need.
I’ve tried talking to her about it multiple times, but she refuses to listen. On top of everything, she is also a very bad pet owner, and that’s a whole other story. Recently, I told her that I unfortunately did not want to keep associating with them because of everything I’ve mentioned above.
My mom has told me that I was a little too harsh on them and should apologize because some things they cannot control. I told her that I wasn’t going to apologize because I felt ignored and violated on many occasions, and I couldn’t do it anymore.
Now they’re calling me a jerk for telling them that I was at my limit with them and cutting them off for my mental health. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like it was written by an AI. The first two sentences don’t make sense.
Halley and Linda are Kathy’s kids, but we aren’t given their ages. Serena, Matt’s child, is 15, but it’s not clarified how the other two’s ages relate to hers. She has to be older than Linda, but if Halley was in an accident, we would assume she was driving a car, which would make her older than Serena.
Why would OP be watching any of these kids? Linda, maybe makes sense, but Halley was normal before the accident, so why wouldn’t she just watch her little sister? If Mike and Kathy have no money, how the heck is she holding a trip to Disney over OP’s head?” DerpDevilDD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have given clear boundaries several times, and they have violated them time and again, and the groping is yikes! That’s not acceptable under any circumstances, ever, period. To be clear, these children are not your responsibility in the slightest, and for them to overlook instances where you are possibly inappropriately touched is disgusting.
I know they’ve been good friends, but this has gone far beyond anything resembling that. You need to get out of that situation immediately before things escalate.” Stan_3798
10. AITJ For Losing My Cool On My PTSD-Stricken, Homophobic Grandpa?
“I feel as if I (27m) must preface this post with the fact that I care for my grandfather (94m) most days of the week.
He is a veteran and recently was placed in a wheelchair due to his chronic arthritis. I love my grandpa, but sometimes, caring for him is a lot to handle. He frequently has to go to the bathroom and refuses to eat anything I cook for him.
To add onto all of that, before he was disabled, he always tended to be rude towards me and my SO for the simple fact that I am a gay man, but that’s besides the point.
Everything culminated into quite a mess during the 4th of July.
He was already quite grumpy, but with heavy car traffic and people walking by his home, the noise seemed to elevate him to another level. For the entire day, everything I tried to do was not enough for him and he even spit on the food I cooked for him, which was pasta.
After many hours, the sun began to rest and the fireworks started. I wasn’t warned beforehand of the level of his PTSD, so when he began to scream and fell from his chair, I just thought he was being dramatic and trying to make my life a living heck for no reason.
So, due to the stress of the previous few hours, I let it all out.
I complained and berated him for making my life difficult for simply trying to help him and that the past few months had been possibly more difficult for me than him.
My aggressive attitude only seemed to worsen his state and I came to understand that I misread the situation. No worries, he ended up being fine, but he was a bit shaken up.
He complained to my mother (44f), his daughter, and she quickly disallowed me from caring for him further.
It was simply a mistake, and him being rude for months on end was always going to end in one way. I was very apologetic at our family camping trip this year, but he didn’t want to hear me out. He has always been a rude man and has never been kind to me, but my mom seems to believe that doesn’t give me the right to berate him, which I somewhat agree with.
At the end of the day, I needed to express my frustration with him somehow, I just wish it didn’t happen at such terrible timing.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Grandpa sucks because he has been needlessly difficult. At the end of the day you belittled a war vet about his PTSD so you suck in that situation.
Your mom sucks for putting you in this situation and not briefing you on the extent of the PTSD.” Long_Ad_2764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your grandfather, respectfully, wasn’t very kind and homophobic. Old folk shouldn’t just get a pass for being terrible people simply because of their age.
However, with his condition, you could’ve been more considerate of him freaking out. From your last comment, it seems he’s passed away so it’s all behind you. Don’t work yourself up over it” LLTBlade
9. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Control His Overstaying Parents And Their Mess?
“My husband and I live in an apartment with someone who we will call (A).
(A) is 29 from Indonesia. We found an apartment and wanted to sign the lease. His parents showed up and told the leasing office that his dad was a truck driver to prove income. We went with it and got the apartment, and we thought everything was fine.
He said he wanted to get the apartment as soon as possible, but he didn’t show up until 2 weeks later. A couple of months later, he told us that his parents would be coming 2 times out of the year to visit. We said that’s fine.
When his parents showed up, they never left. We only have a 2-bedroom apartment. His parents were living in the same room as him. (Tiny room.) They got a bunk bed to fit everyone in. I asked him why he hadn’t told us, and his reply was, “I don’t know what they are doing.” I responded, “They live with you; how do you not know?” Then he said, “They need to stay 6 months to maintain their green card.”
They are not truck drivers; they actually work for Uber Eats. His parents work every day from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m., even on weekends. While I was super pregnant, I wanted to keep the apartment clean. I would deep clean the kitchen and living room so we wouldn’t get any bugs.
I asked (a) if he could vacuum every other week, and he said sure. (He never did and only vacuumed his room.)
We have a washer and dryer on top of each other in a closet. Behind the door is my hiding spot and my trash can (the kitchen is small), and we didn’t want the trash can on the carpet.
But anytime he would do his laundry, he left the door wide open and placed his basket right in front of it. He also never cleaned the vent of the dryer. His mom starts cooking at 6 a.m. and finishes everything at 10 a.m. His dad does all the dishes while his mom cooks throughout the day, so he can have a good meal while they are at work.
Their trash can is in front of a water kettle that they use every day, and they pretty much drink boiling water every hour and take turns using the restroom almost immediately. They are constantly going in and out of the restroom. One day, I went to the kitchen and saw trash on the floor right in front of and behind the trash can.
(It looked like they banged the food against the wall instead of hitting the trash can.) I was so angry that (a) and his parents went in and out of the kitchen to get water more than 10 times and didn’t clean it up. I texted (a) and said, “You need to clean your crap up,” and sent a picture.
He replied, “Why are you being rude? I didn’t even notice it.” His parents and (a).
Lately, we have been getting a lot of big boxes of pills. We receive them almost every day. Sometimes, the mom stays home for half the day, and when she uses the restroom, she locks the bedroom door with a key.
(Their bathroom is outside of their room.)”
Another User Comments:
“And you are asking if you are the jerk for not trusting your roommate? Why would you be? What the heck, you signed up to live with this one guy and his parents moving in.
Too. You didn’t plan on moving in with three people. And what are these big boxes of pills they keep getting? I think you should grab a pill and have it tested. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call your landlord. Most aren’t cool with randos staying on their property long-term.
Your roommate was a massive jerk for allowing this to happen without getting your approval. Also, with that many people in the house, they should be able to clean up after themselves.” ohnohugo
8. AITJ For Deciding Nala's Fate Without Consulting My Partner?
“Our pet, Nala, has had surgery twice for the same condition already. The first time was a year ago; the last time was very recent. The vet was concerned about how fast the condition returned, as the first surgery should have been a permanent solution.
After the second surgery, they explained to me that there is not much else they can do.
The only way Nala doesn’t live in constant pain is by subjecting her to surgery every six months, with a recovery time of up to two weeks. Besides the surgery, she would have to come in every two months to be monitored. Nala doesn’t do well when she has to go to the vet – it stresses her out tremendously, which is noticeable for at least a day and a half afterward.
The surgery is expensive too – we’re talking $1500 all in all.
The vet concluded that there “are no wrong choices” when it comes to Nala’s case. We have another pet that frequents them too, and she acknowledges that we do not take the easy way out when it comes to our pets.
If we decide that we’ll let Nala live as painlessly as we can for the next few months and then decide to put her to sleep, they would understand that decision and support us wholeheartedly. They do not expect Nala to live through many more surgeries if we choose that route.
My partner wasn’t present during these conversations because their mental health is already taking a heavy toll on them, which was their own decision.
Now here’s where I’m trying to make a decision that might make me a jerk. My partner is severely depressed. I do not want them to have to live with the knowledge that Nala will be put to sleep in 4-8 months.
They are struggling to hang on as it is, and I’m scared of what this knowledge will do to them. We adopted Nala together, so they have as much say in the matter as I do, but I don’t want to add more to their already overloaded plate.
When the time comes and I’ve decided that it’s best to let her pass, I want to present the option to put Nala to sleep as per the vet’s advice, a week or so in advance. If I decide to opt for surgery again to try and see how long we can extend her life, I’ll present that as the only option.
From the way the vet put it, though, I’m currently leaning towards letting her pass. I would want Nala to be able to live out her final days without bi-monthly trips to the vet, more surgeries, and, all in all, just more stress. I realize that my partner might view this differently, but as their partner, I’m fairly confident that they would settle on the same decision.
By presenting it as “the” outcome, a week or so before the final appointment, I hope to spare them a lot of the hurt I’m feeling right now, leading up to what is to come. This way, they’ll have time to say goodbye. They won’t have to second-guess themselves for all eternity if they are making the right decision, and they won’t have to anticipate the passing for months.
In my head, the pros of keeping this decision from them outweigh the cons of making a joint decision on my own. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ It is a joint decision. I’d approach it to minimize everyone’s next 6 months of stressing this way.
Since you must monitor every 2 months with the vet, use the one 2 months before the surgery to take your partner. Make sure the vet explains the same to them. Together, reason it out for 2 months. Your partner is struggling with mental health issues, but if they find out you hid info, they will lose trust in you.” Turbulent_Patience_3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you need to tell them. It will be an absolutely horrible conversation but one you both deserve to have because you both love Nala. I fully understand your points, your partner sounds like they are struggling and losing pets is horrible.
But you have some time to put some coping mechanisms in place, maybe speak to a therapist and another vet about the options together as a couple supporting each other. It’s not fair on you to have to do this alone and it’s not fair on them to not have any knowledge or say.
I hope you guys can support each other and make beautiful memories with Nala no matter what you choose.” Money-Fisherman-2225
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ both for making a joint decision for your pet by yourself and for infantilizing your partner by deciding what information they should or shouldn’t have like they’re some kind of child.
You’re trying to protect them from the knowledge that Nala will likely be put to sleep soon, but all you’re doing is preventing your partner from being able to adjust and accept it. You are making the decision for them by deciding that being hit by the full force of guilt and grief all at once is better than having a longer period of stress about it while having time to prepare.
This isn’t your call. Having depression doesn’t stop you from being an adult. If someone did that to me, it would end our relationship. I would never trust them again.” Valuable-Wallaby-167
7. AITJ For Not Paying My Ex Hookup Back For His Gift?
“I was recently hooking up with this guy, A, and things started out really good.
We spent every day together, enjoying some devils lettuce and playing video games. Well, I’m a broke college student and have been struggling during this summer with money. I have had just enough money to get a little bit of groceries and that’s it because of this I couldn’t afford my Xbox Game Pass the month we were talking.
A wanted to play video games and offered to buy my subscription for the month. I told him he didn’t have to and that I felt bad since I wouldn’t be able to pay him back. He ended up saying it was okay and paid for it.
Things started getting weird. A would take literal hours to show up after saying he was on his way (up to 5 hours). When hanging out, he’d leave to buy us dinner and never come back—not even telling me he wasn’t coming back—and get very upset when I didn’t spend the day with him.
He even spam-called me while I was in a movie theater with my sorority sisters (which he knew I was going).
The day I decided to cut him off was the day I realized how dumb I was for keeping A around. He said he’d come over at like 10 AM, but when he didn’t hours later, I invited one of my sisters over to smoke.
He showed up at the same time as her, saw me let her in, and left. He was texting me super angry, saying I never actually wanted to hang out with him and basically trying to bribe me into making my sister leave by offering to buy me food.
Side note, I’m definitely on the heavier side and the number of times he tried to use that bribe felt like he was only doing it because I’m fat, but it also could have been because I literally couldn’t afford anything that wasn’t already in my house.
I ended up making it clear I was done with him and blocked A on everything. Now, a month later, he somehow figured out my Cash App and is requesting $25 for that Xbox Game Pass subscription. I was going to pay him back the $16.42 it actually cost once I have the money (I have less than a dollar in my bank account because again, same struggles).
However, my sisters are telling me not to pay him back. I feel they are right, but I would feel super crap not paying him back. So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He said himself it was a gift and you don’t need to pay him back.
If you had the money lying around, I could see paying for it just to shut him up, but to be honest, he’s just as likely to find another excuse to try and force you to talk to him. However, his behavior is really concerning.
Blocking him was a good idea. Letting the people close to you know that he isn’t handling this breakup well might be a good idea too. And be on the lookout for him randomly showing up where you are or other attempts to get into contact with you.
He’s most likely just being petty and will let this go. But his behavior is just weird enough that I’d be worried about him escalating. Being really angry at you for plans he couldn’t be bothered to keep and trying to bribe you to spend time with him is creepy.
Edit: typo fix” princessluni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he paid, said it was fine, you don’t owe him anything. I also don’t understand why people think it is okay to be late, not only late, but not call and say they will be late. My time is worth as much as theirs.” User
6. AITJ For Denying My Ex Access To My Dog Over His Overmedication And Control?
“I (32M) broke up with my ex (35M) over a year ago. For further context, we were together for 8 years, owned a home together for 3 years, and were never married. I had a work and personal friend who sold us a puppy 6 years ago.
The puppy was my idea, but we raised him together and he became “ours”.
When we broke up, we still shared the house, but had separate bedrooms. Since selling the house and separating, the dog has predominantly lived with me. Occasionally, my ex will ask to take him for a weekend or a couple of days during the week, and I oblige.
I didn’t want to keep the dog from him or vice versa. There has been a pattern: every time he takes the dog, he makes an insinuation about my care, especially in regard to the skin allergies the dog deals with. Some examples, word for word:
“Do you ever bathe him?” (he had in fact been bathed that day)
“Dandruff and a few hotspots; are you keeping up with his allergy medicine?”
“I am not delivering this with any sort of ‘how could you’ tone, but his bumps are bad. I am surprised he is not itchier than he is.
Start to double up on meds: one pill in the morning, one at night.”
Added context: I have been dealing with these skin allergies for the dog’s entire life. I am the one who has taken the dog to the vet and gotten him the care and prescribed medicine required to manage his skin (and it is manageable, not horrible by any means).
It is an ongoing battle we face that comes and goes with the seasons and his exposure to the outdoors (he gets outside with me a lot!).
This last time he took the dog, he made a similar comment to those above as he found a hotspot on the dog’s foot.
He insinuated I should have noticed this, but these things can appear in less than a day. I sort of snapped and told him that he needed to be less controlling and questioning of my care for the dog. It’s offensive. It’s irritating. And above all, he is wrong.
I love this dog. He means the world to me, and I do everything I can to give him a fun and comfortable life.
He was outright cruel in his response, telling me I am “not a very good co-parent.” He responded that he was just going to “double up on the baths, and double up on his meds” when the dog is with him.
My concern is that too many baths can accentuate the dry skin and dandruff, and I am not comfortable with him doubling up on the medicine outside of the veterinarian’s orders. I don’t think I really need to entertain his insulting insinuations and rude personality any longer.
WIBTJ if I kept the dog from him going forward? I live in Texas and dogs are considered property. I have the birth certificate, AKC paperwork, emails with the friend who gave him to us, veterinary bills/visit documentation, etc.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Ex is either working up the nerve to demand you hand over the dog, working up the nerve to steal the dog, or making some weird power play I can’t really understand.
Either way, it’s time to tell him to go away.” Solid-Feature-7678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being a jerk and he wants to do stuff that will make the dog’s health worse in order to dig at you. Cut him off.” hellhound_wrangler
5. AITJ For Confronting My Son About Excluding My Other Granddaughter?
“My son (25) and DIL (25) are taking her daughter (4), Lila, to Disney World the first week in October. They are not, however, taking my other granddaughter (3), Hensley.
My DIL has always been cold to me and my side of the family. No fights have ever taken place; I’ve always gone out of my way to be nice to her because it’s who my son decided to love, but she just never comes around.
Never has really. In the beginning, I asked my son if we’d done something wrong, but he’d just say “she’s shy.” There was never any other explanation, and I just stopped asking eventually.
Well, it seems her coldness towards us isn’t changing anytime soon, but now that it’s affecting Hensley, I’m angry.
There’s really no reason that she needs to exclude her from this trip or any trips. They aren’t hurting for money to take her — she’s a nurse and he has a well-paying job too. And DIL’s side of the family is going (mom and sisters) and splitting the expenses of the trip, which only means that they have even more money to spare to buy little Hensley park tickets.
I tried to be more understanding when Hensley was a baby and hard to travel with. They go on an annual beach trip each summer and have never once offered to bring her. But now she’s getting older and hearing Lila talk about all of these fun things and not understanding why she can’t also go to Disney World.
I finally lost it on my son about my growing distaste for his wife and her treatment of Hensley. I’ve bitten my tongue for years, but it’s not fair to her. I also told him that he’s a sorry excuse for a man for letting anyone exclude their own blood the way that they do.
I’m at my wit’s end, and I told him that if things don’t change with Hensley, I would be confronting his wife. He got mad and claimed it wasn’t their responsibility to take Hensley to these places, but that’s selfish because he knows Hensley can’t go without them.
I would love to take her to Disney or the beach myself, but I don’t have any money to put towards a vacation right now, and neither does her mother, my daughter; her dad doesn’t help out at all. I don’t understand how my son can’t have more compassion for his niece, who is as sweet as can be.
AITJ for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“I thought you were talking about his kid he had with another person but you were talking about his niece. Why in the world is his niece his responsibility? You just don’t like his wife because she’s not in your face as much as you want her to be.
People don’t have to hang around their inlaws and your son doesn’t have to provide for his niece. You are so wrong here. Why are you blaming his wife? If your son wanted to do things with his niece he would, and his wife couldn’t stop him.
Stop blaming his wife because for things she’s not doing and shouldn’t be doing. YTJ” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ mostly for blaming his wife. Your son is a full-grown adult. You assume it’s her, but have you ever thought it was him not wanting to deal with you and his sister?
Maybe instead of expecting him to treat his niece the same as his daughter, you could set up something within your means to let them be treated the same as they both are your granddaughters, even though they both aren’t his daughters.” Chuckinbuck22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son has a family with his wife and child. You need to accept that they are his first priority. If he takes his niece out with his family, it’s nice. If he doesn’t, that’s also okay. It is a decision that your son and DIL together need to make.
And no, you have no say in it; you cannot enforce your will, you cannot burden them with your expectations, and you definitely should not fight them over it. It’s unfortunate that you and your daughter and SIL are unable to do so. At best, you can politely ask your son to do this for the sake of Hensley, but they still reserve the right to say yes or no depending upon their plans and circumstances.
And as for your hatred towards your DIL, it seems she is playing nicer than she needs to. She is not engaging with you when you continue to undermine her autonomy to run her family the way she wants to, and you continue to interfere in matters of her household that are none of your concern.
And if you have these high expectations of your DIL, it is only fair that you have them for your SIL too. Please know your place and stop badgering them.” Thaparyahapar
4. AITJ For Reporting Toxic Coworkers In A Group Chat?
“One of my coworkers told me that some of the people that work there daily made comments about how I don’t do much other than scanning and uploading files.
That didn’t sit right with me, and I started talking to one of the managers (“Trey”) to make sure they knew I was a valuable employee. The reason I took it seriously is that the coworkers that work there daily have a group chat where they talk crap about the job and other coworkers.
I didn’t want to become the center of their focus because the Alpha of the group chat is pretty good friends with my main manager (“Mary”). I told the other manager, Trey, about the situation, and during this process I explained how the other coworkers can tend to be bullies, and I told him about a situation where one of my coworkers was referring to “Brenda” as an “idiot” and saying that the shift flows better without her, and basically that she doesn’t like Brenda.
The other coworkers tend to go along with what she says, and then it seems like a collective group that goes against one person. Brenda now has shorter shifts, which she set up to “lighten her mental load.” She knows the other coworkers don’t like her, and so she works fewer hours now and even works at DoorDash to compensate for the loss of pay.
This coworker is the EXPERT at our job and has been working there for years. The alpha of the group and her cohorts just started working there this year.
I told the manager, Trey, about all of this, and I explained the group chat for context because he was confused about why I cared so much about what they thought of my work performance.
He immediately said, “I want to tell your manager, Mary, because this is highly inappropriate.” He found out one of the leads/supervisors is also in the group, which he said needed to be addressed as well. I go back this weekend, and I’m nervous about them knowing it was me and treating me differently.
AITJ for “snitching” on them? My partner even says I should’ve minded my own business and not said anything to remain neutral, and that it wasn’t my fight. I told him, “Well, they did teach us in harassment training to report it, even if it is not you who is being harassed.”
1) Part of it was me sticking up for my bullied coworker because she’s such a sweet person, and I was bullied all my life in school, so I’ve always been the person who stands up for people and what’s right.
2) I felt like I had to explain the GC for context because Trey didn’t understand why I cared so much about what they thought.
3) The other part of it was me being petty and pulling a reverse uno after they were complaining amongst themselves about my work performance. I feel a little guilty because I didn’t report it until they started talking about me too. And for clarification, I didn’t report it when I first found out because I wanted to remain neutral, and I didn’t want Brenda to know the hurtful things they said about her.
But I found out she already knew when I asked her why she was now working short shifts. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolute NTJ. As a person who is bullied, you are certainly familiar with the bystanders? The people who don’t take part, but their inaction is silent consent.
Anti-bullying campaigns often stress that bystanders have to take action. This is that situation. The workplace is toxic, and you shone a light on this dark place. You may want to email your manager as well, to summarize what was discussed, and have the manager confirm in an email.
Create a paper trail to ensure you don’t get thrown under the bus later.” Girlysprite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The obligation to avoid “snitching” is a tenuous concept at best, but even if we accept it as a general principle, it evaporates the moment that the other party’s actions start to harm you and others.
If they want to talk crap amongst their friends about the colleagues they don’t like, that’s one thing, but if they’re bringing that toxicity to management and taking food off someone’s table by messing with their shifts, then you’re justified in stopping that nonsense by whatever means, including going to someone in authority.
Honestly, this workplace sounds like a toxic mess, and if you’ve got other options at similar pay, I’d suggest exploring that, even if the situation improves in the short term. But whatever you do from here onwards, you’re totally right to call out the pack of jerks who were ruining the job for everyone.” BanterPhobic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Sounds like a nightmare of a place to work with so much toxicity going about. A supervisor being involved in a group chat is so inappropriate. Good for you for defending yourself and sticking up for others. The newbies probably don’t like Brenda because she is indeed the most experienced, and they feel threatened, so they pick on her in a weak attempt to take focus off themselves and force her out.
I hope Brenda stays there and gets her hours back. Best of luck to you both. NTJ at all.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom For Canceling My Birthday Party?
“Today is my (F16) birthday. My friends threw me a surprise party on Saturday, and while it was amazing, most of them left in an hour or two because of other commitments, which was fine since I was planning to have a long party today.
However, after Saturday’s party, my mom approached me and told me to cancel the party I was going to have today. When I asked her why, she said it would be “too much of a hassle.” I didn’t feel like getting yelled at so I sent a text to the gc telling them I cancelled today’s party.
But I was very upset because I had been looking forward to today’s party for months. I tried to brush it off because I thought my mom would put together a small surprise for me, as she usually does every year.
But when I woke up today, there were no decorations, no cake, nothing.
I know I sound extremely selfish and I’m not expecting a huge surprise or anything, but it’s her tradition to at least put up a few balloons. I told her I wanted to go out to a fancy restaurant today, as I love all things culinary.
The restaurant was about an hour away, and she said no. I asked her why because it’s definitely not a gas issue (we have an electric car and are VERY well off), and she said she was just too lazy to drive that far. So we went to her favorite restaurant, which I hate.
Afterwards, I suggested going to the arcade. It was only about 6 and I knew that once we went home she’d just sit on the couch and scroll social media. She complained that her feet hurt and she was tired and wanted to go home. I admit I did whine a little because we hadn’t done anything fun all day.
We ended up going, but only stayed for about half an hour. When we got in the car, my mom noticed I looked a little upset. She asked why, and I was honest with her and told her that she kind of ruined my birthday since she made me cancel my party and didn’t do anything to make up for it.
She blew up at me and called me an ungrateful child, said that I’m selfish, and that she’s clearly a horrible parent so she should just give me up to foster care. I feel horrible now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Something’s not adding up here.
Every year she does a small party but this year wouldn’t get you a cake? She doesn’t feel up to doing it. She doesn’t feel up to driving. Why couldn’t you? She doesn’t want to go to an arcade because…she doesn’t feel good.
Sounds like…mom is sick.” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry your birthday sucked. It’s possible your mom was just having a bad day. While that doesn’t excuse the lack of effort, it might explain it. Also, do you make sure that you pamper her and put up balloons and things for her birthday?
I feel like moms in general have so much expected of them yet get overlooked.” DismayedDoctor
2. AITJ For Exposing My Sister's Husband's True Colors Moments Before Her Wedding?
“I (30F) believe that my sister (29F) has married the wrong man (30M).
My sister and her now husband have been high school sweethearts, and the two just got married this recent spring. Just before she walked down the aisle, I tried to tell my sister that I didn’t believe he loved her. You see, five years ago, we were at a party where he was overly intoxicated and told me that he was never truly in love with her.
In that conversation, he admitted that he never saw her as a true romantic partner, even though everyone around him thought she was great. For some context, this was the only time that the two publicly broke up, but she took him back the next day.
Since then, the two constantly fight and talk poorly about each other.
When I saw him at the wedding, he was in the same state as before, drinking until he was completely intoxicated. When I asked if he was happy to be marrying my sister, he told me, “I don’t want to answer that when I am that intoxicated.”
I quickly rushed to my sister and told her the truth about the conversation I had with her partner a few years back. What makes me think I may be the jerk is the fact that it was five minutes before she was supposed to get married. She hugged me and told me that I needed to go find my spot in the ceremony, be quiet, and support her marriage.
I was no longer allowed to give my maid of honour speech. After the ceremony, she told me to never speak to her again.
My sister works at a hospital, and I saw her while visiting a sick friend. When I asked if we were ever going to speak again, she told me that I needed to leave her alone because I had basically made her choose between her husband and me.
I never regarded this as giving her a choice, but rather as a way to protect her from a bad man. Thinking about it now, I can see that my sister has the right to choose who to be with. I know that in her shoes, I may have reacted the same way and wanted to distance myself from her.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Because of your utterly preposterous timing. That’s all. Are you so starved for attention that you do this at the freaking wedding? I mean, you’re not wrong, but you’re a jerk for when you decided to be right.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not your relationship, so it’s not your business. And add on to that the fact that you brought this up to her right before the wedding ceremony. Buzz kill. You may very well end up being correct about this relationship, but it is hers to navigate.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should have told her five years ago, not right before she got married. You ruined her wedding day. And now you’re upset that she doesn’t want anything to do with you? You’re so selfish.” No_Confidence5235
1. AITJ For Lying To Delivery Drivers To Avoid Picking Up My Food?
“So my husband (46M) and I (46F) often order sushi from this website that not only charges for delivery and a service fee, but it also requires that we tip before paying for the order.
Now, this does not make sense to me. I was under the impression that a tip rewards service after the service is rendered; however, I do tip beforehand instead of at the door (I keep hearing that drivers won’t pick up an order without an online tip, or that not tipping sends your food on a one-way trip to Horktown), and I tip well.
Anyway, I place the order, I tip, I pay, the food gets made, the driver picks it up, and I watch on the site as their little car makes its way to my location. Now, at this point, the driver will call up, I buzz them in, and they bring delicious sushi to my door.
Easy, right?
Apparently not. The exact same thing happened twice, so I’ll just recall what happened last night. I watch as the little car arrives at my building. I wait for the call to buzz up. Instead, I get a call on my cell. It’s the driver, who says that there’s no parking on the street.
They asked if I could come down and pick up my order, which is fun, since I have a view of multiple parking spots on the street.
I tell them that I’m unable to do that, and they ask why. I get pretty annoyed by that, and I pull the jerk move by lying.
I tell them that I have multiple children that I can’t leave alone (I said the same thing to the previous driver). I hear an audible sigh, and they end the call. And lo and behold, I get my food delivered (the bags were sealed with no traces of hork or manly fluids).
So, is this a thing that drivers do out of laziness or a need to save time? My husband thinks I should have just gone down to pick it up, but there’s no way to rescind a tip after the order is placed. However, I kind of feel like a jerk for lying to the driver.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If there were spots then the driver was lazy and lying, and you’re NTJ for lying back. A big part of delivering in the city is actually taking it into apartment buildings to people’s doors. If you really like that restaurant, you should tell them what’s going on the next time you call” MurphysLaw4200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I hate this lazy delivery driver crap. They’re getting paid to deliver, so get out of the car and bring the food to me. If they have to park far away and walk, so be it. That is the job they’re being paid for; it’s ridiculous to accept a delivery fee and a tip and still make the customer leave their apartment.” randomcharacheters
