People Throw A Fit In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Snapping At My Stepniece During A Heated Family Confrontation?
“My sister and her ex-husband are annoying. They were terrible for each other but had a kid before splitting.
The kid is 19 now and in a tough spot. He didn’t go to college for reasons, and he couldn’t hold down a job because he was high 90% of the time. He was homeless for months too. I was a bit wary about having him move in with me, but I gave him a chance.
My partner told me to get him tested for a couple of things, and, well, he has bipolar (he allowed me to share).
Now he wanted to tell his parents. I told him to sit on it for a bit, but he approached me recently, saying his parents deserved to know.
Through some miracle, I got them to agree to meet together (nephew’s request), but it started badly. They were fighting, ex-BIL was clearly high on something, and my sister brought her 17yo stepdaughter along. Eventually, my nephew told them what was up. His step-sister went “Oh, like Ian Gallagher?” My ex-BIL asked, “Who is that?” And when she explained, he got mad and said, “Are you gay too?”
My sister later asked if it’s genetic, to which my nephew said, “Idk sometimes,” to which my step-niece said, “Yeah, you probably got it from your father,” which made ex-BIL mad and started another fight between him and my sister, with both insisting it’s the other’s “fault.” My step-niece thought it was funny, but my nephew was on the verge of tears, so I told them to shut up, but the damage was done and ex-BIL left angrily.
My step-niece decided she still had more to say and said, “See, this proved it,” to which I snapped and told her to please keep her mouth shut. She got upset and my sister did too. She was all like, “What? Did she say something wrong?” I told her, “Idgaf if she was wrong or right; she should’ve kept her mouth SHUT.” Heck, she wasn’t even supposed to be here.
My nephew was crying at this point, so we got up to leave, but my sister wasn’t done and said that I am not allowed to talk to her daughter like that and that her daughter is allowed to say whatever she wants about how freaking up this whole thing is.
I admit this was low, but I said, “Yeah, to heck with your actual kid, right? God forbid your STEP daughter is told to stay out of the crap that doesn’t concern her, but when your ACTUAL son tries to tell you about an important thing in his life, you decide fighting with your ex is more important.”
She called me a jerk and said her stepdaughter is her kid as much as her son is, and I’m disgusting for insisting on their lack of biological relation. I don’t really feel bad because she wasn’t even supposed to be there and was saying such unnecessary things, but she’s only 17, and she’s not the bad guy here.
AITJ for snapping at my step-niece?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ definitely, you’re a great aunt, clearly sister and BIL care more about their fights than their child. Looks to me like your sister is acting all good with the stepdaughter wanting to have a good relationship with her new husband.
You didn’t do anything wrong; it was none of the stepdaughter’s business to interfere and especially say bad things for someone she doesn’t even know.” FreshGreen914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – At least somebody stood up for your nephew. You are a good person. I would tell you you’re a nephew.
It is okay to cut off your parents. They do not deserve him.” PicklesMcpickle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Poor kid has terrible parents. His mother should be prioritizing him, not defending her stepdaughter’s bullying of him when he’s down. Stepdaughter should never have been there.
He knows how to never tell his parents anything. This shows us why he is as he is. He was never loved, nurtured, and cared for. Now he has the trigger for his illness, he can get help for it.” Zolarosaya
20. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Move His TVs And Computer Away From Our Shared Wall?
“My brother (28M) was living out of the house for a while for a reason I won’t get into, but he eventually came back to live with my mother (58F) and I (26M).
I am saving up for a decent-sized place in NJ while helping with utilities and rent at my current place. The apartment layout is as follows: My mother is on one side of the apartment while my brother and I share the other side. Before he came back to live with us, I bought him all the furniture he would need as well as a nice smart TV and PS5.
The layout is now my mother’s room and the kitchen on one side, and on the other side is my room, my brother’s room, and the common area. My brother’s room and my room share a wall, and then our doors lead out to the common area with our dining table.
Fast forward 2 years, and as of right now, he has 2 TVs against the shared wall (the one I originally bought, as well as a giant flat screen he somehow got his hands on) that he and his partner are constantly using that keep me up all night, as I tend to go to sleep earlier than them.
I constantly had to ask them to lower it, and it got to the point where I just asked him to put his TVs on the opposite wall so I didn’t hear the TV even when he thought it was too low. He never did it.
Last year for Christmas, I helped him buy a computer and I told him all I wanted in return is for him to move all his noise-making stuff to the opposite side of the shared wall so I don’t have to hear it. He said ok, and I built the PC for him on the dining room table (yes, I protected it), which is right outside my bedroom door.
Guess what? He plugged it in right there and has never moved it into his room, so now the dining room table is out of commission and he plays that crap right outside my bedroom door with a mechanical keyboard. So now I have 2 TVs and a computer against our shared wall and my bedroom door.
Anytime I talk to him about it, I get grief from him and he doesn’t change it. I feel like I’m 99% not the jerk, but I could be wrong. Also, any tips on how to approach the situation? It’s getting to the point where I have to wear noise-cancelling headphones to sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t think he will be making changes anytime soon. It seems like your brother is just kind of inconsiderate. That’s frustrating and I’m sorry. I think you can ask him to move his TV a thousand times and he just won’t.
I do think the healthiest move is to move out if that is feasible. But if it isn’t, I do have one rather crazy idea: switch rooms with your mom. I have a sense that you haven’t involved her because you’re an adult and you want to handle this on your own.
Unfortunately, despite his age, your brother is not. So ask her to switch rooms for a while, a week at the most. I imagine your brother may find his life much harder if he starts inconveniencing her.” Classic_Secretary460
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he’s both inconsiderate and unappreciative.
The petty part of me wants to tell you to take everything you bought him and lock it up until he quits being a jerk.” xCoffee-Addictx
19. AITJ For Banning Grandparent Visits After They Lied And Fed My Child Gluten?
“So quick backstory: I 41f and husband 39m have decided that for my parents to have access to our children that they will have to be supervised by either myself or my husband. My parents (m66 f64) have said I’m being unfair and controlling.
They have done NOTHING wrong and we are trying to be mean/controlling/manipulative and this is not how they raised me.
In the past 2-3 years, I have cut contact with my sister and told them sister can’t have contact with my kids.
They brought her over to hang out as much as possible when my kids were spending the night (at my parents’ request because they have a right to regular access to their grandchildren because family. So they take all grandkids every Friday night. It is a HUGE inconvenience to my husband and I.
We don’t do this for a break… It really screws us over). We kept correcting them. They said they had a right to have whoever in their home they want. Finally threatened to take the kids if they kept it up. No more. They stopped. Then we told them the little had celiac and was now on a gluten free diet.
(No big deal. Big sister is on a gluten free diet for similar issues, so they know it and follow it.) A year later, the little isn’t getting better, so we have to do extensive testing. Long story short, my dad admitted (during the extensive testing) that they had been giving her gluten every week because when you stop a food, they will develop an allergy.
Time out for a few months. We have a come-to-Jesus meeting with them. No lies. No hiding things. NO MORE GLUTEN, or the kids would never come back over. They agree.
Then a month ago, I found out my dad had a large heart attack and is in congestive heart failure.
(35% EF) Oh my!!! This is horrible. Wait… It happened six months ago. We didn’t want to tell you until we knew more. Wait what? To shorten the story that was a lie. He had it 9-10 months before… A few weeks after my come to Jesus meeting over gluten.
At which point they then blamed ME for the heart attack and that’s why they didn’t tell me. Meanwhile, my dad has been picking the girls up every weekend and driving them to their place an hour from our meeting place. They knew I would take it badly, and it would be a while before I let the girls go back, so they decided I didn’t need to know.
They have informed me I’m being controlling and trying to hurt them. They said they do not respect my decisions, and that they will not have supervised visits, but they have a right to the kids.
So I ask you… AITJ for making this my final straw?
Am I the jerk for not allowing my girls to spend the night at their place anymore unless there is someone to watch them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your Kids your rules. They have no rights to your kids especially as you cant trust them with the diet.
” They said they do not respect my decisions and that they will not have supervised visits but they have a right to the kids. If they don’t want supervised visits I guess that’s no visits then!” Ok-Classic8323
Another User Comments:
“Holy heck! NTJ! I say this as a mom of an infant.
My parents or ILs wouldn’t dare do anything with the baby that we didn’t approve. And there’s a lot of things that they don’t approve of. But the point is that I’m the parent. My husband is the parent. So what we say goes.
The sister thing I could still forgive. Kids aren’t harmed and GPs have good (if misguided) intentions. But if any grandparent ignored gluten allergies I would literally not let them hold my baby, let alone spend alone time with them. They are directly impacting the health and well being of your children negatively.
A thousand times NTJ.” criticalgraffiti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if they are feeding you child food she is allergic to. That is absolutely a reason to not allow access. However, I think the reason you cut contact with your sister should have been included for context.
I am not sure you have always been completely unreasonable in your asks regarding your kids. Something in the tone of this post makes me feel that your parents ignore some things because there were too many things they felt were overly controlling.” _gadget_girl
18. AITJ For Preventing A Friend From Loaning Money To A Chronic Borrower And His Irresponsible Wife?
“I’ve been friends with Tucker & working with him for around 15 years. He’s borrowed money from me often, usually $20-$50, & always paid me back, though usually late. An example: He once borrowed $100. Due to financial problems, he asked to pay me back $20 a week.
He would give me $20 on Friday & then borrow $20 on Saturday. By the time he had repaid the $100, I had $360 worth of $20 notes. Tucker’s financial situation is closely tied to his wife, who is just as bad when it comes to managing money. I knew they were in worse financial shape than usual, but I hadn’t fully realized the extent of their difficulties.
Yesterday, I got a call from a colleague, Kathy. She said Tucker had asked her to borrow money & was after my advice. I assured her that he would 100% repay her, but once he realizes she’s willing to lend him money, he might make frequent requests & take longer than promised to pay back.
I shared the above anecdote with her & left the decision to her, saying to do what she felt was right.
I was unaware Tucker had confided in Kathy about his financial problems, & she had offered to loan him $5k. This was quite different from what I had assumed was a request for $20.
I learned this when Kathy called me again an hour later. Tucker & wife had visited Kathy’s house with a contract they had drafted. Instead of the initially mentioned $5k, they now sought $10k & asked if she would double her offer. Kathy informed them that she had consulted a financial advisor friend (a lie to protect me) who advised against it.
Later, Tucker’s wife was messaging Kathy, expressing their heartbreak at having the opportunity for $10k slip away, especially when they were offered the money. She hinted that someone from work had influenced Kathy’s decision and said how the money could have helped them escape debt and regain stability.
They pledged to pay back $500 per month consistently, but Kathy remained firm in her refusal. Kathy shared the messages and contract with me. The contract seemed solid, & their efforts appeared genuine. That’s when my guilt began to set in.
I hadn’t, however, revealed to Kathy the true reason behind my somewhat discouraging advice.
Back in 2020, unbeknownst to Tucker, I had lent his wife $5k with the same promise she had made to Kathy. She assured me she would pay back $300 a month and even sent me screenshots of the monthly direct debits she had set up. However, she still owes me $4,400.
Regrettably, I hadn’t considered a contract, given our long-standing friendship. Additionally, I know they still owe another friend $2k. This is where I started to feel like a jerk…
The main reason they needed the money was to recover a family heirloom they had pawned some time ago in desperation for quick cash.
Failing to pay will result in them losing it. So AITJ for giving Kathy advice that prevented the loan, potentially causing them to lose a family heirloom and sink further into debt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve been in the same boat and still owed 1k from said party.
It’s their life and it’s not your responsibility that they’re financially irresponsible. I have 2 close friends right now who owe me 400 each and have yet to mention repayment even though I see what their funds go to. I’ll never loan money out ever again.” BananaKDM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They have shown that they are unable to pay back what they owe without adding more on top. I’m sure you would want someone to let you know of a bad risk. You’d probably have been a jerk for not letting your friend know what she was possibly getting into and letting her go ahead with the loan.” TeelaNighteyes
17. AITJ For Not Bonding With My Nephew Because I Don't Like Kids?
“I (26F) have a sister “Amy” (35F) who lives halfway across the world and has a 2 y.o.
son. I’m not really close with Amy to begin with because she’s very judge-y and we have a hard time relating to each other.
Since Amy lives so far away and she gave birth, I’ve seen her family maybe once per year over the last few years.
Amy, her husband “Mike”, and my nephew “Tom” take these opportunities to deepen our relationship by getting to know each other better during their visits. However, their idea of getting closer is through awkward small talk, asking a bunch of questions about my life, and/or asking me to take care of Tom by either feeding, bathing, holding, entertaining, or changing him – none of which sounds appealing.
In the past, I’ve gotten along well with kids over a certain age because I’m fairly playful. The issue comes with really young kids. My only real exposure to young kids prior to all this was at my work in a family restaurant: Kids there were typically very messy, loud, and rude unless they were old enough to be reasoned with and taught how to behave.
When I’ve tried explaining to Amy and Mike that I don’t want to bond with Tom the way they’d like me to because I don’t like kids, these were some of their responses:
Mike assured me he didn’t like kids either until he had one of his own and emphasized that “Family is different.
Kids are super gross and while I don’t like others’, I love mine.” Mike also chased me around the house while holding Tom, trying to get Tom to grab my hair/hug my face with his spit-covered hands because “Sharing his germs is how he loves you.”
Amy initially told me she thought I just lacked experience and would like Tom more as he grew older (I agree). She also said she wouldn’t push the relationship, but asked that I try to interact with him (I agreed). About a year later and after I began interacting with Tom more, Amy asked about my “disliking kids stance” and it hadn’t really changed. She then claimed I was ageist for disliking a whole group of people for something they can’t change and said I’m no better than a racist or homophobe.
Now Amy’s telling the whole family how hurt she is that I’m pushing her and her family away and blaming a child who hasn’t done anything wrong because I don’t like kids.
At this point, the only one of their family I care to build a relationship with is Tom precisely because he hasn’t done anything wrong.
I feel bad for not adoring Tom the way everyone else in our family does, and know all this drama could possibly affect his development if it continues. However, I don’t know how to make myself feel another way about him and I’ve heard kids know when you’re being genuine vs not.
AITJ for continuing to say I don’t particularly care for my nephew because I don’t like young kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy is a witch. Comparing not liking kids to being a racist is what’s wrong with society today. I don’t like pushy people who don’t listen when other people tell them to stop being pushy (cough… Amy)… Is that comparable to being racist?
Stick to your guns and tell Amy and Mike you have no obligation to bond with their kid till you’re ready.” Top_Ad5114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not everyone likes kids. And pushing someone to take an active role in child rearing against their will is crap.
This will not affect his development at all provided his parents are doing their job. Parents who expect everyone to be active in raising their child and to love their kid as much as they do are the worst (and I say this as a parent who loves his children very very much, I just never expect anyone else who isn’t their parent to do so).” revmat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am totally with you in not liking kids. They are doing that horrible disrespectful thing that parents always do, thinking their child is the one ray of sunshine in the world and pushing his grubby sticky face at you, as though you’re as happy with his diapers as they are.
Bleurgh! When Mike says he felt the same way but changed his mind when it’s his child, he could easily understand where you’re coming from, but instead ignores that you still see the baby in the same way, and creates the issue. They should be fine with you being open to developing a relationship as the child grows up.” Original-Winter9334
16. AITJ For Declining To Lend Money And Forcing Him To Face His Priorities?
“My partner (27M) and I (28F) have been partnering for 2 years. Before we met, he had no job, and his friend took him in and gave him a job working at his mechanics business.
His friend and he were high school friends. He didn’t have qualifications other than he was into cars. He began working on cars just doing tire changes and the like, and his salary went from 16 to 20 an hour, and he began going through the steps to be a train mechanic.
He did a certification and worked at his friend’s shop full-time. He finished his certificate and hours 2 years ago, and his salary went from 20 to 26. But most starting mechanics in our area made 30–32 an hour, so he was underpaid; but his friend said he needed to “earn his keep,” whatever that meant.
He felt indebted to his friend because he took him in when he had no job, so he kept working there.
We started partnering around when he became a full mechanic, and he had to pay for all his tools and took a loan for that, and he got himself a used BMW which was very expensive as a graduation present.
He has struggled to pay his bills the whole time when we were partnering and has asked me for money repeatedly. I’m a risk analyst at an insurance company and make a better income, so even though it was early days, I felt obligated to help him.
I’ve lent him a couple thousand dollars, and he’s been short on repaying about $600 which I asked for, and he kept making excuses that he doesn’t have.
I’ve resolved not to lend him more money, which he accepted until his dad had a stroke and had to leave work in his 50s.
He had to help pay the bills and began asking me for money. I reminded him he was $600 short, and I told him I wouldn’t be lending him more money, which has caused arguments. I pointed out his car, which he refuses to sell, and that he makes much less than most mechanics, which he refuses to accept because of his relationship with his friend.
Because his family needs money and I’m now seen as the villain for not helping, he asked his friend for a raise, which resulted in a big fight between the two. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but he now works for another mechanic shop making $35 an hour, which is a competitor of his friend’s.
He gives me crap for ruining his friendship because I refused to help him with money, and calls me greedy for not helping him. I’m getting backhanded comments when he notices I went for a mani-pedi, or when I got a new couch.
I’m being made to feel like the villain for him obviously being underpaid when I lent him money in the past, and not gotten it back.
Plus, he refuses to sell his car, so I see it as he prioritizes his car over his dad. But AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t create this situation, and you are not required to give him more money. Also, if asking for a raise ends both a personal and professional relationship, one of them has to have messed up.
Either he put undue pressure on his friend (likely) or his friend took a reasonable request for a raise badly (less likely, but possible). Info: do you live together?” PlaidyLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He had two options. Increase his income or decrease his spending.
Thinking he can choose to do neither, and just use someone else’s money instead, is the epitome of entitlement. Pathetic for him to complain from the seat of his BMW that you’re being selfish by buying manicures.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is an adult and can make his own decisions.
He chose to ask for the raise (and he should’ve). If he didn’t want to do it, he could’ve just said no to you. You were just trying to help out, and that is what a good partner does. You look out for each other.
Sounds like you were right and he is now making more money elsewhere. Your partner deserves to make a decent living too, and that’s not up to his friend to decide either.” The_12Doctor
15. AITJ For Suggesting My Single Dad Needs A New Mom?
“This happened over the weekend and I don’t understand how I could be the A here. For the story, I’m me (17F) and my dad is Jim (42M).
Linda and Bree (fake names) are my age. I don’t know how old my Grandma and Grandpa are. They’re just old lol
I was at Linda’s house on Saturday with another friend, Bree. We were just chatting when the topic of my dad came up and how he’s single.
For context, my Mom died when I was 2 from a car accident. I don’t have any memories of her but my dad has made every attempt to ensure that I know her. Her pictures are up on the walls and he talks about her all the time, to this day.
I actually love listening to him talk about her. My grandparents came over a lot and helped my dad a lot when raising me. They tell me about my mom all the time as well. He’s never tried to date anyone or ever brought anybody over that wasn’t family.
I’ve asked him a couple of times but he gives me vague answers about not being ready.
So we’re talking about how my Dad is single and maybe he just needs help. We chatted about how maybe we could create a profile on something and see if we could find him someone nice.
Linda actually said it’d be like going shopping for a new Mom!
Later I was back at home eating dinner with my grandparents and my dad when I casually brought it up. It got super awkward and super quiet. My dad kind of sat up straight and asked me why I’d want to do that.
I kind of repeated what I chatted with my friends about and how it’d be cool to kind of shop for a new mom. My grandma dropped something in the kitchen and immediately started yelling at me. My grandpa said, “Wow,” and got up to leave.
My dad was quiet but kept looking at me. My grandma was still yelling at me and I started getting mad. I said I didn’t get to grow up with a mom and I don’t even know why. Maybe nobody ever thought that I’d need a mom or something but I think it would have been nice.
My dad got up to leave and I saw his face. He looked so sad and he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night and for the rest of the day on Sunday. He only talked to me to ask what I wanted to eat and if I needed anything.
He refused to look at me directly and it’s got me feeling like I did something wrong. The rest of the family is blowing me up like what I said was literally the worst thing you can say.
I told my friends about it at school today but a few of them said that was kind of messed up.
I still disagree. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Come on man, you’re 17. You know this crosses 100 different lines. First, you talked about your dad partnering, without him present. Not cool. Nothing you did after it screams budding adult, but that’s where you went wrong first. Your dad doesn’t need help and you can’t find him someone to partner.
You have no idea what he must have gone through after your mom passed away. If he’s not ready to move on, well, he’s not. Nothing you can do about it. As for needing a mom, is there something particular you think a mom would do that your dad didn’t?
Did you ever try to bring it up with him? Families come in all shapes and sizes and your dad’s reaction to you being a total ass was to walk away and still take care of you, which points to him being a good, attentive father.
You’re 17 years old. Start acting like it. YTJ” always-confused-af
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re too young for a YTJ but it’s a close thing. Surely you realize now that the language you used was problematic and hurtful to your family? Adult relationships are very complicated but it’s concerning that a young woman would use the term ‘shopping for a new mom’ and assume that any future partner of your dad (if he ever has one) would want to be a mother figure automatically.
Also, you know, women are not objects. We can’t be shopped for. We’re not ordered online so you can have the mom you’re missing.” Fair_Leadership76
Another User Comments:
“How can you not understand how you could be the jerk? Definitely YTJ and incredibly immature.
You’re 17, not 7. You said something extremely hurtful to your father. “Shopping for a new mom” is a heartbreaking statement for your father to hear. I understand you have no memories of her but surely you’ve heard of something called empathy. Your father is entitled to grieve for the rest of his life, if that’s what he chooses.
Your father’s love life is none of your business. Apologise for being so insensitive and grow up.” Negative-Passion-992
14. AITJ For Enjoying Extra Income While My Partner Complains About Money?
“I came into a good job this year through sheer luck, earning nearly double what I was on about 5 years ago. It’s still in the lower tax bracket in my country for reference, but of course, it helps a lot, with a huge chunk of it allowing me to access private medical care to try and find out what’s wrong with me.
Anyway, I started seeing this girl a few months back who I get the impression is what I was on 5 years ago. She lives alone by choice and is always complaining about money troubles. Which, of course, I’m sympathetic about, but now she’s started saying it in response to anything I spend money on.
For example, I was super hungover the other week and ordered a McDonald’s to my house. She was like, ‘Wow, wish I could afford to do that. I’d have to really count every penny if I wanted to do something like that.’ This week I was away with work, and I treated myself to a massage that I hadn’t had in at least a couple of years (mainly because the hotel bed was so hard!) When we were making conversation, I said I’d text her back in a bit as I’d booked myself in for one, and again it was all, ‘I wish I had the money to spend on massages and things.’ And these examples aren’t isolated occurrences.
It really makes me upset and annoyed. It’s like I should feel guilty or apologize for spending my own money. I’m not a material person and don’t rub it in anyone’s face. It’s usually me just telling her what I’m up to when she’s asked me.
I don’t want to lie to her to save her feelings, but I feel like I have to. I have made dinners for us and stuff to help out, and she’s never asked for money or anything, but I don’t get what the point is in saying that.
When we’ve spoken before about her stresses with money, I’ve asked if she can find a roommate or move back in with her parents for a bit, but she doesn’t want to do either. I still live with a roommate myself and it’s easier on the bills for sure.
But then anything I suggest, she gets a bit cagey with and I don’t want to overstep the mark, but I also hate seeing her struggle. But then again, why is that my fault or responsibility to correct? I have friends that earn way more than me, and you know what I say when they’ve been on vacations and whatnot?
I say, “That’s amazing, I’m glad you had a great time.”
She just kinda makes me feel like crap for having a bit of a disposable income for the first time in my life. I’ve thought about bringing it up with her, but I feel like she’ll call me a jerk for bringing it up and say something like, “Wow, can I not express how I’m feeling?”
So begs the question, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is living above her income bracket and taking her feelings about it out, rather passive-aggressively, on you. You aren’t financially compatible and it doesn’t sound like she is treating you well if you are second-guessing even bringing up how this is making you feel.
Sounds like this relationship is already over.” ToeNext5011
Another User Comments:
“This is hard to judge because I think there may be some cultural differences. For example, my friends and I regularly tell each other we’re jealous of each other as a kind of compliment.
Like, you should be proud to do something so enviable. I want to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and say this is how it is intended. I don’t think there is enough evidence to support that she is specifically doing this to make you feel guilty.
But you do feel uncomfortable and you should definitely talk to her about it. It sounds like she is okay with her choice to sacrifice such luxuries for more independence. You should not feel bad because you have the ability to do extra careful things.
I’m going with No Jerks here. Open communication is key here to resolving this issue.” Radiant-Appearance69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously. She asks – you answer honestly. I have colleagues who do that to me. Like you, when somebody else can afford something better, I am happy for them.
I don’t try to diminish what they’ve got or make them feel guilty. It’s an annoying habit to have.” pippi2424
13. AITJ For Considering Telling My Teacher About My Dad's Drinking?
“I (14 F) live with my Dad.
My Mom died 2 years ago, and it’s been really difficult for us both. My Dad is struggling a lot. He started drinking more after she died. It’s gotten to a point where he’ll be drinking until morning and go to sleep when I get up for school.
I started doing most of our household stuff because he’s either unable or working. I’m worried about him a lot because I know that he sometimes does things like driving after drinking and other dumb things. He once fell off the balcony and broke his arm and a few ribs.
He also cries a lot when he’s intoxicated. I never know how to react when it happens because he never mentions it when he’s sober, but I know that’s because he’s ashamed and doesn’t want me to see him like this. I don’t really know what I feel.
I know he’s probably depressed and just feeling guilty (they were in a car accident and my Mom died while he was only barely hurt. He was driving, but it wasn’t his fault. The other driver ran a red light and hit the side where my Mom sat), but sometimes I get so angry at him.
It’s like I just want to grab him and yell at him to get it together.
School started last week (7th August) and I’ve already missed 6 homework assignments. I just couldn’t really focus and kind of forgot about them. My teacher asked me to stay after class today.
She’s our grade’s guidance counselor (or something similar to that idk). She wanted to know if everything was okay at home and if I had trouble readjusting to school again. She also wanted to know how my Dad was doing because I hadn’t handed something he needed to sign (just a consent form that would allow the school to publish pictures with me in them on their website.
We get it every year and no one ever takes any pictures, so it’s kind of useless lol).
I told her everything was fine and that I just forgot, but she said that I could talk to her if I needed to. I kind of want to talk to someone about it, but I don’t want to get my Dad in trouble.
My friends know some of the things that happened, but ranting about your parents to your friends is different from talking to a teacher who could possibly call CPS or social services or whatever. I know it seems like he’s a terrible person because I’m only writing about the bad stuff, but he’s a great Dad otherwise.
He’s always been there for me and still tries his best. It’s just that he’s struggling too right now, so it’s all a bit more complicated.
I’d like to talk to my teacher, but I’m seriously worried that my Dad might get in trouble. I also don’t want to tell her behind his back, because it’s kind of a private thing and if he finds out that someone he knows knows about his problems, he’d probably be ashamed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up with a heavy drinker dad, and I ended up in the counselor’s office for writing poetry about how I felt… My friends were concerned and went to my guidance counselor, and he sat me down to talk about it.
At the time, I was just angry and upset and didn’t realize how bad my dad’s drinking affected me. As an adult, I’m very thankful for the advice my counselor gave me… and that was literally to call or let a trusted adult know if I was being mistreated. I didn’t go to Al-anon until I was an adult, but I wish I had gone to Alateen when I was your age.
It’s a 12 step program for teens who are affected by the drinking of a family member or friend. Your counselor or teacher may even suggest it. Www.al-anon.org” Wonderful_Flamingo90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is way too much for you to be carrying on your own.
Your concern for your dad is admirable, but you’re too young to be able to handle this all alone. I suspect your teacher will suggest some counseling for your dad before going to CPS or some such.” anthroid9246
Another User Comments:
“Ouch, you’re both really struggling.
NTJ. If you need to talk to her, then you need to talk. Your dad is unable to be there for you, and you need someone to lean on. Just be mentally prepared for any negative repercussions. They likely won’t be severe, since the state mostly just cares if you have food and a safe roof over your head at your age.
Good luck!” wolfcat87
12. AITJ For Stopping My Daughter From Blowing Out Candles On My Brother's Birthday?
“I (22F) have a 2-year-old daughter (who we will call A) who happens to be quite close with her grandma (my mom) due to me not being able to watch her much when I was working. This has caused my mom to make decisions for my daughter without my permission.
For example, my parents took her on holiday without asking for my permission; they just told me they were taking her abroad. They also spoil her quite a bit and tend to get her whatever she likes so she doesn’t have a tantrum. I have always tried to teach my daughter to appreciate all of the things she gets because other kids might not get them.
But I am not scared to say no to her.
Now to get to the point of the post (I just wanted to give a bit of context to my situation). Today is my little brother’s (14M) birthday and from the beginning, he has made it very clear that his birthday has not been about him at all.
My parents picked me and my daughter up from our home so we are able to go and say happy birthday to my little brother.
Everything was fine until it came to the cake and blowing out the candles, A was playing with balloons until she saw the candle.
Being a 2-year-old, of course, she wanted to blow it out. I stopped her and started crying because she couldn’t blow them out (which was expected). We continued. I tried to calm her down and explain why she wasn’t allowed to blow out the candles and that she would have her turn soon because it was only a couple of weeks until her birthday.
My brother blew out his candles and A was just starting to calm down until my mom came from the kitchen with a candle and started singing Happy Birthday to my daughter. My brother and I just looked at each other in shock as this happened, and A started getting all excited again.
I blew out the candle and told my mom not to do that because it was not A’s birthday; it was my little brother’s.
She started saying how vile I was and tried kicking me out of the house, saying I snatched the candle from her hand (which I never did).
She went to my dad and complained about me to him. He came downstairs (he is sick, which is why he wasn’t with us for the candle blowing; my brother understood this) and asked me what was going on. I explained, and he said, “So what, she’s a baby; I’m sure he didn’t mind.”
I could see the look on my little brother’s face that it bothered him, and it made me feel really bad for him because I have a feeling he is being treated like this all the time when they watch my daughter for me. I don’t know if I handled it correctly and if I should have just let her blow the candles.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m really not big on this trend of letting non-birthday kids blow out candles or have Happy Birthday sung to them. I feel like kids need to learn that it’s the birthday kid’s day and when it’s their birthday, they’ll get their spotlight.
Yes, this may initially lead to temper tantrums but then you parent the kid. Remove them from the situation and they learn. I think you’re taking an excellent approach to parenting. It sounds like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place because you need your parents to help sit while you work.
I don’t know what your parents were like raising you and your brother but you both seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Maybe your parents feel their job as grandparents is to spoil your daughter. IDK what your relationship is like with them but can you sit them down and explain your approach to parenting?
How do you want to raise her well-grounded and not spoil her and ask for their support? If they’re committed to babysitting, part of that IS dealing with tantrums and discipline. Good luck and keep up the great parenting!” 0kayte
Another User Comments:
“How the heck did your parents take her abroad without your permission, ESH?
I’m sorry, but you gotta set some boundaries or figure out different work or SOMETHING. If your mom can take your kid on vacation without you knowing ahead of time, you have bigger problems than the birthday candle incident. You have to take responsibility for your own kid, that you chose to have.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re going to have to decide which is more important. Free childcare (that is clearly ruining your daughter), or your right to parent as you see fit. When my son was three, my mother tried to pull this kind of thing and she never saw him again.
(Because she wouldn’t back down and let my husband and I parent our way.) Never. No pictures, no nothing until she passed. My son was raised to be a good man and he is in every way. No regrets.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Withdrawing Financial Support As I Move Out To Secure My Future?
“I (m18) live with my family which consists of 5 people total. Both of my parents had decent paying jobs but my dad (46) got very sick and my mom’s company had to be shut down for a little bit. Because of that, we have had some financial problems in the past.
I am going into my senior year of high school. I have been working for a local pizza place for little pay for about 5 years. On the side, I have been working on my social media for about 4 years and I am now able to make a good amount of money on various social media platforms.
I am planning on moving into my own place with a couple of my friends after my senior year to pursue making content with them. I don’t spend much money on things like clothes or jewelry, but where I have found myself in the past is spending money on things like groceries for my whole family when I don’t even eat some of the foods that I am buying.
My parents will sometimes ask me if I have x amount of money for shopping or for something like subscriptions to streaming services and I will absolutely give it to them, but when I start to draw the line is when it starts to become expensive, things like car payments for their car and other utilities.
I have even bought me and my brother (16) our first cars (and it wasn’t cheap) when my parents didn’t really help with any of the process.
I have recently stopped paying for very expensive things because I realized that I am not bringing in enough revenue to give that stuff to my whole family and still afford my own place in the future.
My parents and even other people in my family like my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins have said things like “If I was in your position, I’d give everything back to my family.” I feel bad because I can’t pay for things like that for my family right now and I don’t know what to do.
I know I probably shouldn’t be thinking about moving out and others in my family have even said things like, “Just stay at home until your family is fully supported financially.” Even though both of my parents got their jobs back, I still find myself paying for things like utilities and I hear my parents talk about things like vacations.
So I know they have enough money to support themselves.
I have made the decision to move out before my senior year starts and my friends will be joining me after. I have received tons of rude texts and calls from people in my family saying things like I am ditching them or I am leaving them because I think I’m better than them.
The texts have kind of been affecting me and I want to know if I was wrong to decide to move out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Hats off to you for giving yourself stability so early on in your life, you sound like a driven, level-headed individual. Just because your family raised you, you don’t owe them money.
On top of that, your needs should come first. Like you said, recently you can barely afford your own life due to their needs. It’s tough love but in a way, they need to learn to earn for themselves. If my family was in this situation they would happily make sure I’m supporting myself first. Your family is kinda coming off as selfish.” No-Dragonfruit2599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are going to carry on living with your family at this moment, a set amount of money should only be given as ‘rent’. This should help stop the arguments of you suddenly not contributing (despite you being very helpful by helping your parents with their financial troubles when it wasn’t your responsibility).
If these other family members are still making petty comments, they have basically volunteered themselves to provide money to your family.” CheeseAndPasta97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving out at a young age is a huge responsibility for a young person, but it seems you’re actually prepared to do it because you’ve been supporting your family financially.
Everyone always says what they would do when they get money, but since you’re the one with the money now, it’s reasonable that you get to make your own choice. When they get their own money later, they can make theirs. Good luck!” Academic_Prompt310
10. AITJ For Pruning My Neighbor's Magnolia Tree Without Her Approval?
“I live in an urban row home, and have a small deck off my bedroom on the second floor. There is a beautiful old magnolia tree in a neighbor’s backyard that is directly next to the side of my house. It hung over my deck a bit when I bought my house two years ago, but the branches have grown substantially since then, to the point that I either have to clean the leaves about once a week or they fall into my bedroom whenever I open the door.
My gutters are always clogged. The branches were also growing around two power/cable lines, and spiders were building large webs between the branches and the railings of my deck.
The neighbor who owns the tree lives around the corner from me, so the back of her backyard abuts the side of my house.
The tree is in the back corner of her yard, so it is a reasonable distance from her house but is directly next to my wall. So, while I am sure she regularly has to clean up leaves, I don’t think it impinges on her living space the way it does mine.
At this point, the tree was severely limiting my ability to use the deck, so I decided to have the branches overhanging my house trimmed back. I hired a professional and asked him to prune it so it still had a nice shape and was aesthetically pleasing.
I knocked on her door the morning it was going to get trimmed (I had only hired the guy the day before), but she wasn’t home. I left her a note explaining why I was trimming it and left my phone number.
She called me later in the day, after the tree had already been pruned, and was very upset.
She told me that a gentleman would not have done this. I explained the reasons for it, that it was making it difficult to use my deck, and asked what else I was supposed to do. She told me that I should have done nothing, that cleaning up the leaves wasn’t that big a deal, and that I should have just enjoyed it aesthetically.
She also said that since I had some branches cut on one side, the tree would now be off balance and that it was likely to fall onto her roof the next time there was bad weather. Which is obviously not something I would want to happen.
But (please correct me if I’m wrong) I don’t really believe that trimming back some branches on a sturdy old tree is likely to kill it or make it fall over.
I know that I was within my legal rights to trim branches hanging over my property.
I was also trying to be a good neighbor by pruning it in as aesthetically pleasing a way as possible, and by notifying her that I was doing it at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she is so upset about the tree being off balance, then she can hire someone to balance it out.
“It’s not what a gentleman would do” because they shouldn’t have to because a courteous neighbor would have tended to their property. You could have flipped the order though, and talked to her before hiring someone to see if there was a service she’d prefer to go through.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was over your property line. She’ll get over it and I doubt she would have been willing to pay for it herself or given you permission to do it if you would have asked. So, she would have been a pain either way probably.
This is one of those just do it and apologize later type situations.” strikingviking23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trimming the tree but you’re definitely TA for not talking to her about it sooner. Perhaps if she had realized that you were going to go through with it, she would have split the cost with you to make sure that the tree was trimmed evenly on all sides and not lopsided.” NorthernLitUp
9. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Dog When Confronted By A Stranger's Fear?
“I have a very large dog that is nearly entirely black. I was sitting at the outside portion of a dog-friendly cafe enjoying my meal. All of a sudden, some guy comes up to me and demands that I move my dog because he’s afraid of dogs and wants to walk past.
I refused. I don’t see why I should. I’m a paying customer of the restaurant. My dog is lying down next to me, literally so close he’s touching my chair. He’s on a leash, and the leash is looped around my arm.
He’s not in the way of anyone or blocking the sidewalk in any way. He doesn’t even lift his head for this guy. I’m already sitting the furthest I can be away from where people are walking. There is a table between me, my dog, and this guy.
I tell the guy that if he’s afraid of dogs, he can go around or cross the street and continue walking on the other side.
He huffs a bit more and just stands there, muttering not nice things to himself for a while, but I just completely ignore him and look at my phone.
Eventually, he just walks past. If he had been nicer about it, maybe I would have moved my dog. But he wanted me to move my dog across the street, or at least that’s what I assumed, because that’s where he pointed when he said “over there,” and I didn’t feel like it was reasonable to ask a complete stranger to abandon her meal and go that far.
To be fair, since he was being weird and giving me creepy vibes, I also didn’t clarify and honestly just wanted to avoid inviting further interaction.
My mom says that I should’ve just gotten up and moved my dog, and be more considerate of other people, especially in the place where I live, because there are a lot of people who aren’t okay with dogs.
And that ignoring him was rude. But she’s also the type to avoid confrontation at all costs. Other people have said that I’m being unreasonable and I should have just moved instead of being entitled and valuing personal rights over “common courtesy.”
My friend, who is afraid of dogs, says she has eyes and a brain, so if she saw me there with my dog, she would have just given me a wide berth or crossed the street herself and avoided me, instead of demanding that I move because, in her mind, her fear = her problem.
She also thinks it’s really weird that a guy who claims to be afraid of dogs saw a woman with a dog, approached the dog, got pretty close to the dog, even lingered for a bit, and then walked past perfectly fine. I might be the jerk because I did completely dismiss the guy’s fears.
I prioritized my enjoyment of my meal and my afternoon out with my dog over him. I completely ignored him, which I agree is rude.
AITJ for refusing to move my dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are plenty of jerk dog owners. But your dog was well-behaved, leashed, and not in anyone’s way.
The guy probably was mad about something else and just wanted to take it out on a stranger.” Spicyneurotype
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This just sounds bizarre. Is the dog a valuable breed or anything? Like, I’m wondering if there were accomplices across the street up to no good.” FightinTXAg98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His fear = his problem. But his fear was such a problem that he was able to walk up to said fear, have a conversation with said fear, stand close to said fear, and then get mad when said fear utterly ignored him.
Yeah, that totally doesn’t track. Dude was off his rocker.” throwawaywork2124
8. AITJ For Having My Mum Give The Wedding Speech Instead Of My Dad?
“I’m (23F) getting married next year to my fiancé (23M), and I couldn’t be more excited. Both of our families were over the moon about the engagement. However, I’ve hit a dilemma when it comes to the traditional father-daughter parts of a wedding.
Now, I’m not a very traditional person, and neither is my fiancé. But I’ve always imagined my dad walking me down the aisle, etc., since I was little. But this all kind of changed when my parents divorced when I was at university, which heavily impacted my relationship with my Dad due to his actions during and after the divorce.
It definitely has caused us to become distant, when previously as a kid, we were quite close.
Now, I don’t see him very often, and he doesn’t really make a huge amount of effort to come and visit me and my fiancé, where we’ve made over 200-mile journeys each way to see him.
And when we text or call (he rarely ever calls me first), it’s very surface-level conversations or about him going out drinking all the time, which is worrying but also the complete opposite to me. I don’t feel like he knows me anymore or my relationship with my fiancé enough to give the sort of personal, moving speeches you see a lot of father-of-the-brides giving at weddings.
In comparison, there’s my mum. We are incredibly close. Very much a “my mum is one of my best friends” type of relationship. I tell her everything. She’s one of the people in my life who knows me best, aside from my fiancé and my maid of honor.
She also saw the very start of my and my fiancé’s relationship as the three of us got locked down together (context: I live in the UK) when I and my fiancé had only been together less than 6 months (we’ve been together for almost 4 years now).
So, I feel like she is the absolute best person to give a speech at my wedding. I would still include my dad at the wedding, like walking me down the aisle and the father-daughter dance. But my gut is telling me my mum would give the kind of speech I’m looking for, my dad not so much.
I also think since they aren’t together anymore, my mum should have a bigger part in the wedding, as if they were still together, my dad would be making the speech on behalf of them both.
I’m aware it is my and my fiancé’s day, and we should do whatever we want, but I still love my dad and don’t want to hurt his feelings by taking away something he’s been expecting to do.
So WIBTJ? ”
Another User Comments:
“Great idea. NTJ! I think the Father-of-the-Bride speech is part of the antiquated “giving the daughter away” tradition. It’s absolutely fine to skip it entirely or change it to serve your needs. I think you could avoid hurting your father’s feelings by calling your mother’s speech something else, so it doesn’t sound like a replacement for the father’s speech.” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m planning to do this at my wedding but for different reasons. My parents are still together, and I trust my dad to give a nice speech. I just think it would be really unfair for my mom to not have an official part to play in my wedding since she’s the one who would be helping me plan it.
It’s your wedding, and you have the right to decide what traditions you want to follow. Just tell your dad you want both parents to be equally acknowledged during the wedding so he and your mom will have one task each: he walks you down the aisle, and your mom gives the toast.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, congratulations! It is your wedding day. You get to choose what you want and don’t want, from the small little things to the big things. It would be deemed appropriate to have your mother complete those activities based on history and your relationship with her.
Do not let your father or anyone else shame, bully, or harass you over your decision. If they have an issue, then they do not need to attend or be invited. Get your fiancé on board as well, as you might need extra support just in case.” DropSerious3476
7. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Partner's Freeloader Brother And Reclaim My Privacy?
“Long-term partner Fred & I live near his overbearingly tight-knit family. We bought a house 3 yrs ago & have allowed his older brother Nate to stay due to marital issues.
Nate’s been kicked out of the house, his name isn’t on many times, but this is our 1st time helping. Nate has stayed with their mom before, who doesn’t have the best accommodations. He won’t stay with their sister Sue because of her dog & IDK about the other family.
Sue volunteered us & we stupidly agreed with no rules or expectations, thinking it wouldn’t be long. While he isn’t a degenerate, Nate hasn’t contributed anything. No help around the house, the offer of money (we did finally ask), no gratitude, no favors.
While his presence is mostly predictable (He’s barely here, & doesn’t really intrude on us), my time at home isn’t guaranteed to be private & the time I get with Fred (who works different hours) isn’t helping our bedroom issues.
Nate is a typical male bachelor with no regard for being in someone else’s house.
He uses a lot of electricity – especially when he’s alone at night. He’s not a pig, but smoke butts litter the driveway instead of the ashtray. Any trash he saves for the large kitchen bin is left on the counter if it is full or has no bag.
This has caused ongoing issues with me, Fred, Sue & at one time their mom. Sue thinks my opinions/needs make me vile & non-family-oriented, & I shouldn’t care about Nate’s progress or what he does in ‘his’ part of our house. She verbally trashes me in private to Fred, forcing him into the middle of it all.
Any disagreement with her opinion is pure evil.
Fred acts like he understands my POV, but still has the ‘family before freedom’ mindset he grew up with even though he isn’t close with Nate. He fails to grasp my need for this to end & doesn’t get why I’m more stressed over having to clean up after 3 people instead of 2 with zero help.
No matter how neutral I try to keep the conversation, it usually turns into a fight. Fred’s go-to response is that he’s not affected by this & that I have sole responsibility for kicking Nate out. He won’t listen to me state that end goals/leaving soon doesn’t mean now.
He’s even told me I shouldn’t be upset because at least I’m not going through what Nate is. Their mother was the least combative; not insulting me so much as mourning the lack of handouts for her eldest son & the fact that he won’t come crawling back to live with her forever.
I don’t mind helping, but I’d appreciate some common decency/gratitude. This was supposed to be temporary, but I feel like there’s no end in sight. I don’t care that people disagree with me; what hurts is that my feelings are irrelevant.
Does wanting my house back to myself truly make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. NTJ. But considering you aren’t getting sympathy from your partner or anyone in the family, and Nate is a repeat offender of getting kicked out and bumming on couches, this certainly has no end in sight.
You have multiple people in the house trash-talking you to your own partner, and he is clearly accepting of it. Is this really the only area your opinions are disrespected? Because you sound like you’re surrounded by huge jerks. You need to set an ultimatum with your partner (assuming you both co-own the house you are in because that unfortunately will be the most relevant thing here) that Nate needs to leave, or you will.
I don’t mean to jump straight to leaving this guy, but seriously, Sue’s calling you “vile” and you’re just taking that? Your PARTNER is just taking that? Outrageous. I would never stay with someone who thought so little of my comfort and privacy.” halfbakedcaterpillar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know your problem is Fred, though, right? But stop cleaning up after Ned. Stop cooking for him. Stop doing his laundry. Stop doing his dishes. Stop cleaning his room. Fred can do it. After all, he’s not bothered by the arrangement, so he won’t mind taking care of HIS brother.
Garbage? Back on Nate’s bed.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Absent, Unreliable Father?
“My father has never really been there. When I was younger, like many little girls, I remember looking up to him as a source of what a “man should be.” This was a mistake.
Growing up, he was in and out of my brother and I’s lives, gone without saying where he was gonna be; later, I found out he had gone on a bender of some kind. When he was around, he was either intoxicated or might as well not have been there at all.
Just very distant from me. Whenever I would try and hang out with him or try and reach out to connect (I was 8 when I got my first phone so I could contact my mother when with him—he didn’t have a phone, so I would text my grandma to get in contact with him; he lived with his parents until about 3 years ago when he was about 36).
He always got along with my brother, but never me. My brother is about 2 years younger than I am.
Now, bringing into the current time and situation, I recently brought up with my mom (after years of asking prior) to not be around my father and even break contact.
We spoke for a while, and she decided that if I really didn’t want to hang out or be around him (He only had a visitation schedule anyway—every Friday and every other weekend), I didn’t have to. So, I brought it up with him why I don’t want to be around him anymore.
Here is a word-for-word of what I said: “I do not want to be going to your trailer, or spending time with you anymore. I’ve wanted to not spend time with you for a long time, but because of my age, if I were to go to court about it, they would take my side—I’m finally able to actually make this decision.
I’ve thought about it in depth, and I’ve spoken to other people; I do not want to be around you anymore. It is so draining being around you, I just don’t want to have to do it anymore.”
We then spent the following week arguing to the point where I could hardly focus on school and school work because my brain was constantly preoccupied with the messages and insults he had sent afterward.
My grandma keeps questioning me on how and why I would do this to him, “He is your father! You cannot cut him out of your life like that!”, and my little brother (who has always looked up to him despite everything that has happened) keeps questioning why I don’t want to go over there.
I have given my reasons and answered every question honestly, but I still continue to get called a “brat” and “absolutely horrible”, and “cruel”, and I have a “cold heart” for doing this.
If you need or want more information about it, feel free to ask.
I’m 15 btw.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I applaud you for being so direct with your father. Ultimately it’s up to you if and how you have a relationship with him. Your enabler grandma is likely trying to sugarcoat the fact her addict son is a bad father (assuming that’s the grandparent we’re talking about) and your little brother might not understand due to his age or his own feelings about how things went down.
Ultimately I think it’s also really respectable that you don’t fault your brother for feeling differently. Ultimately the fault is your father’s for not being there for you.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Toxic Birth Family?
“I (22F) don’t get along with my husband’s (28M) birth mother. In all honesty, I don’t know why this has come to what it has. She has never shown me respect. Even the first time we invited her to something, she talked crap about my mother and her past mistakes that she’s been working on.
We will call my husband’s birth mother Jill. Like I said, on top of her talking about my mom, she almost ruined an ultrasound picture, showed up 2 hours late to the baby shower, touched me after I said no, and said our rules and boundaries were unfair and clearly out to get her.
She talked poorly about me to both her side and my side of the family. She caused drama at our wedding and tried to make it out like she was a star mother even though she did absolutely nothing to contribute.
She has never asked to see or hold my son, even when she did see him in person, but tells people I keep him from her.
The 2 most recent problems have been my final straw. My husband’s bio great gram had cancer and was dying. So in April, there was a BBQ to see her one more time. They were taking pictures, and since I knew wanted specific groups, I stayed on the side.
I was told to get in one, and when I went over, Jill told me, “This is supposed to be a generational picture.” I told my husband and stepped back. Jill tried to act like nothing happened and asked him why I had an attitude.
My husband called her out, and even when Jill denied it, he held firm. He yelled at her, and she stormed away crying. She proceeded to then go and talk about me so loudly, I could hear her inside.
In June, Great Gram passed, and it was her wake and funeral. Jill, her sister, and her mother all ignored my presence and refused to address me.
They only spoke to my son, who was in my arms, and my husband. They also talked poorly about me to anyone who’d listen at these events, which was completely inappropriate, but they told my husband that he needed to tell me what to do so they could hold my son.
My son is a person, not a thing. He doesn’t know them, and that’s their fault. They told people I keep him from them, I don’t let them hold him, and I am a bad mom. All this makes me want to not invite them.
My husband gets angry when I try to talk about it. I think it’s starting to hurt him. They don’t ask about him, ask to see him, or reach out; they literally aren’t present for anything. So AITJ for not wanting to invite his birth mom, her sister, and her mother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She disrespected you from the beginning and never cared about you or your child, and now wants to be there to say that she is someone important? No!! Your husband should understand why you don’t feel comfortable around her and not insist on inviting her because she will ruin the party for sure.
Tell him that you want your son to have a joyful day, no scandal. And his mother would ruin it as she did every time she was invited somewhere. If he still wants to invite her, then shut down the party, just take your child abroad to a place he would like as a present.
He has to be happy on that day, and not see people arguing. This way there will be just the 3 of you.” Riley_28
Another User Comments:
“Take him at his word and don’t invite her, and don’t speak about it again. He reinforces the boundaries for you.
It’s all he can do. Now you get to be the one to enforce them as well. He’s given you permission. It’s not all on him. You have to care and protect him as well. YTJ if you keep bringing it up. Because you are basically telling him to do it because it’s his bio-mom.
But you are an adult; you can make the decision as well. He’s trying to tell you that.” UpbeatAd4822
4. AITJ For Excluding My Sister From My Parents' Wimbledon Trip?
My partner and I (41M, 40M) organized a trip from Canada to the UK for my parents (73M, 65F) to help my mom realize her lifelong dream to go to Wimbledon.
Although we did not pay for their trip, we offered them our companion fare to fly business class, and also put together the accommodations and found them a hotel package that guarantees Wimbledon tickets.
Both my parents walk with the assistance of a cane, but my father had a double hip replacement and was recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s. My mom has reduced mobility (past back and knee surgery & overweight combined with a general lack of movement). I’ve been to the UK multiple times; my partner’s extended family is from there.
If they don’t go with me to the UK, they will likely never go.
Trip was booked in January at a time that my only other sibling (38F) was not on speaking terms with my mom. They have what I call a “Gilmore Girls” relationship, but something happened. I’m not sure of the details.
My sister described it as “setting boundaries.” My sister and I are not close, but we are always polite. We are just acquaintances that share parents.
In March, I told my mom that she needed to give my sister the “heads up” that we were all going away and also to ask if she would be able to watch their dog.
They had this discussion shortly after, and my mom told me that the conversation went well. The general hesitation in speaking to my sister about any subject is that she can be emotionally volatile.
In May, my sister texted me to ask if I would be staying at my parents’ house while they were away, to which I responded that I was flying in and out with them.
Weird question because I was sure my mom had told her. Two days later, her response:
“I spoke to mom about what I found out. Wanted to keep you in the loop because no one in this family communicated with one another. She said she thought I knew and assumed that it was made clear when she said “[name] and [name] bought ‘us’ a trip to UK.” I also told her that it felt like I was purposely left out […] It’s hard not to feel like this was a personal attack.
If I knew that you were planning a family trip, an invite would have been nice. And I can’t believe I was not considered. (Or maybe I was and the choice was made to leave me out.) Either way, it was selfish by all means.
[…] Surely you can see now how I MIGHT feel hurt by this? The irony is that this could all been avoided had I been considered and invited. I would have likely not gone. Considering all the other things going on in my life right now.”
My adult sister believes that we intentionally hid information from her and that she was intentionally left out, but actually it’s just 4 adults who booked a trip together.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can go away with your parents without other family members, but sounds like your sister feels excluded, probably not the first time?
Sounds like you may have also intentionally excluded her, her being all emotional all the time. I see nothing wrong with what she said to you, but I’d be having a conversation with your mother because she is the jerk. She had the opportunity to tell her daughter and purposefully withheld the information, excluding your sister, probably the reason your sister feels left out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can’t fault her for feeling hurt about being left out, not just the trip abroad, but the itinerary planning and discussions too, and for being frustrated with your family’s communication style. Especially if she’s on the outs with your mom right now.
But you said it yourself, you’re not close, you don’t seem inclined to change that, and this trip is really more about your parents, specifically your mom. I don’t think you’re the jerk either.” graciewindkloppel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but check how much your mom has been raving about this upcoming trip to her.
If your mom has been boasting about ‘her familytrip’ to sis for weeks, but never invited her, you asking her to watch the dog might have been salt in the wound for her feeling unwelcome.” Like_the_rainbow
3. AITJ For Feeling Left Out When My Ex Stole My Planned Kid Activities?
“I have 3 boys, 12, 13 and 15. They want to spend more time with their dad these days. He was living quite the life right after our divorce and used to tell me that he regrets having children, so I was wary, but the boys love him and who am I to come in between that?
He’s making an effort too.
The boys love spending time with him and will often ask to stay an extra few days. It’s summer break, so we don’t say no, but I want to spend time with them. I barely do anymore, and it’s a little heartbreaking for me.
Yes, I know they’re boys and they probably prefer their father right now for various reasons, but I still feel sad when I come home to an empty house. I had a whole thing planned for this week. I had planned for us to go to the beach one day, the aquarium the next, and then an amusement park on the last day.
I also wanted to book a hotel room. My brother was going to help with the costs.
I called my ex on Friday and asked him to have the boys ready by Sunday night because I have all this stuff planned. He didn’t say much.
I was so excited Sunday night, and when I got to the boys, I noticed that they were happier than usual. Turns out, my ex took them to the beach, then the aquarium, and then an amusement park. I felt like the biggest idiot, and I was very hurt.
The only thing he didn’t do was the hotel, but his house was much nicer than the hotel, so he didn’t need to.
I pulled my ex aside and asked him why he did all that knowing what I had planned. He told me to relax and that the boys were bored and he couldn’t think of anything else.
“Besides, it doesn’t matter which one of us they do it with, all that matters is that they’re happy, right? And it’s not like you own the idea…” He’s not wrong, but I had so much planned, and I had specifically picked those 3 places because I know that they like it.
I was on the verge of tears and told my ex that he could have the kids for the rest of the week. He got mad at me and said I was acting irresponsibly and that he needed a break after the big weekend they had.
He also accused me of being mad at the boys. I’m not; they didn’t know, but I don’t want to hear them talk about how Dad is the best and ask me why I can’t be more like him.
Ex was upset, but I left after giving the boys a hug.
They were happy, so it’s not like I hurt them. He keeps calling me and keeps saying that I’m being petty, dramatic, difficult and that I’m ruining a good thing. I am, I guess. My brother seems upset and suggested I post here.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You, because you took your feelings out on your children by leaving them to stay longer with their dad, as you didn’t want to hear about what a good time they had. You wanted to spend time with them and chose not to.
Your ex, as you told him about your plans, I presume, and he went and stole all your ideas – probably having none of his own, as why would he take them to ALL the places – to make himself look like the good guy. You can’t compare yourself to him, as the boys’ mother, you will always have a unique bond with them that he will never have.
He may seem like the good guy now, but superficial things fade, and they will start to see him in true light.” Duckie_plantmom
Another User Comments:
“All I got from your post was, “I’m subconsciously competing with my ex” and “My boys love their dad more than me and this hurts me.” While it sucks to be in any situation where your kids are apart from you, tbh it doesn’t sound like you want to be with your kids.
Otherwise, why leave them with their dad? I’d have taken them either way and thought of other ideas that would be better than your initial plan. Lastly, your ex sucks. Just because he couldn’t think of anything else to do, he goes and does what YOU planned. That itself is petty as well.
My verdict? ESH.” CompleteSavant878
Another User Comments:
“Husband definitely tried to one-up you by taking your idea and not giving you a heads up. He knows what he’s doing. Not wrong for being upset, but definitely in the wrong that you let your feelings get in the way between you and your children.
There are plenty of other things you can do other than what you listed. Sure, it’ll be a last-minute change, but what matters is that your boys are happy. You said you want to spend time with them, so do so. Don’t push them away to their dad after being upset.
If you still went to the beach, you could do a ton of other stuff with beach and water activities, or plan the same thing the next week. They are kids; they aren’t going to be bored of the same thing that quickly.” Littletoes0
2. AITJ For Taking A Break Over My Partner's Needy And Controlling Behavior?
“For context, me (23F) and my partner (23M) had been officially seeing each other for a month.
Before we started seeing each other, only a month had gone by after he broke up with his (ex) partner of 2 years (there was no being unfaithful, but it was fast). Lately, we had been having discussions about how he constantly believed that he was not enough for me and he was afraid he’d lose me (he deals with low self-esteem).
I tried to reassure him that everything was alright, that I loved him and would help him heal, but the conversations started happening on a daily basis and he constantly blamed himself for everything and told me he couldn’t do anything right.
One day, we talked over the phone and made up, and I told him that later that night I would go out with my friends to celebrate my best friend’s birthday, so I would not be on my phone that much, but I told him I’d text him when I got home.
As I went out with my friends, he went out with his and got extremely intoxicated. I was chatting with him, but my focus was on my friends and being with them, and he started calling me nonstop. I did not pick up and asked him over chat if something was wrong; I had been drinking too, but I could’ve ubered somewhere if he needed. He said nothing was wrong and kept calling me.
He ended up calling me 10 times while I desperately told him I wanted my space to be with my friends, but he did not understand.
The following day, we talked about it and I told him I was feeling a little controlled, to which he broke down and told me (again) it was all his fault.
He told me he was the kind of guy that called until someone picked up, and that if I loved him I’d have to understand that. I must add that over the time we had been together, he would call me at 4 am when I had early exams the next day, or when I had friends over, he’d call to say he felt sad and I had to stay with him on the phone.
I asked for a break to think things through. On the first day of the break, he called me crying and told me he missed me. I told him that I needed space and he was not respecting that, to which he replied that he needed me and I was not respecting that.
Ultimately, we are on good terms and I suggested he try therapy, and he promised to see a psychologist this week (we are still on a break). Honestly, I do not know whether I can be with him anymore. I am going to study abroad this December and I do not know if the relationship will be able to hold up if I am miles away and in different time zones.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The calling 10+ times when he knew you were out with your friends was strange. Calling at 4 am when you have an exam the next day is not cool. The purposely calling when he knows you have a friend over at your house is weird too.
This person is too needy. I think taking a break is a good idea. Tbh I would take a permanent break, he’s got issues and isn’t ready for a relationship.” WishToBeConcise403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s abusive and controlling behavior. I would end things with him and not have him in my life at all.
The blaming himself for everything the low self-esteem (whether he actually does suffer from that or it’s a game) and the speed of having to find someone to have a long-term relationship turn from a red flag into a great red banner. He is trying to guilt trip you and make you feel reasonable for him effectively trapping you—if you stay with him one day you’ll find yourself not able to leave the house to be with friends because he will claim he will harm himself because he needs to be with you, then he’ll start fights with your friends and tell you you should be standing by him.
Eventually, you will have no one but him and that’s when things will get especially ugly. The behavior seems narcissistic as well; that was my mum to a T. My dad is a very damaged man after 20 years of being controlled—don’t be like my dad and don’t have kids with this guy.
Baby trapping is pretty common with this type of behavior.” Overcomer99
1. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit At My BIL's Wedding?
“Me (32f) husband (34m). 2 weeks before our 2018 wedding BIL got intoxicated during Hubby’s stag do. BIL & 2 cousins shared group texts with everyone at the party about me, which were extremely offensive, resulting in an argument between husband & BIL. No one ever apologized; in-laws covered for those involved and said I overreacted. It was just “British humor” – these comments mocked my appearance, non-Brit accent, family, & health issues.
I basically ignored everyone from that point on, always polite but distant, & made no attempts at friendship. At Christmas, we announced our pregnancy/due date of August. At the same time, BIL/FSIL announced their wedding date & venue for October 2023. The location is 2 hours from our house.
A few days later, MIL asked if I had looked at the venue online, which I had. The venue caters to kid-free events. I said to MIL that it looked lovely, but I was concerned about the kid-free element & distance from our house since weddings are an ALL-day thing.
MIL says, “Oh, they’re not having a kid-free wedding.”
We got an invitation in the mail – it’s kid-free, which is ok with us. With the invitation was a note which read: “At the request of MIL/FIL, they have reserved a guest room at the venue for us for the night of the wedding.” We politely replied to RSVP, saying we wouldn’t be attending because we couldn’t leave our baby overnight as we have no one we feel comfortable leaving him with!
He’ll only be 7 weeks. I have no family in the UK. Hubby’s family will be at the wedding, & Hubby said he won’t go if the baby & I aren’t going.
The next day, MIL/FIL called, upset that we weren’t attending, & said I could spend the day in the room during the wedding because: “It would look bad if Hubby’s not there.” Hubby told them that was ridiculous to expect me to spend the day in a hotel room with my infant.
My FIL argued that several cousins had small children & were still attending, but we stood firm.
1 week later, FIL announces that a cousin’s friend has agreed to watch all the family’s kids (= 6 kids under 4 y.o.) + our 7-week-old in OUR home during the wedding since it’s closest to the venue.
We politely declined and explained I just had a c-section 8 days ago. I’m also not leaving my 7-week-old overnight with one stranger & a group of 6 kids.
We thought that was the end of it. 3 days ago, I got a message from one of the cousins asking to call about the wedding.
I showed it to Hubby, & we forgot about it until yesterday. Cousin’s wife called, wanting to know what items she should bring for her daughter… Turns out, FIL & BIL told the family that we aren’t attending to keep all the cousins’ children.
I was MAD. I told her that was not true; I wasn’t running an overnight drop-in service for a bunch of people who didn’t even like me. My in-laws are saying my refusal is embarrassing & make them & BIL look bad. BIL has called repeatedly.
Several of the group text participants have left messages to “chat.” My husband & some family are on our side, but others feel like I’m being petty & holding a grudge to ruin BIL’s wedding. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be prepared, they will leave their kids at your doorstep on the day of.
Don’t be home. Plan a trip with your baby and husband. Your husband is doing the only thing that he should do, and that’s not going to that wedding. Especially since his family keeps disrespecting you, his wife. The sheer audacity.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Wow, his family, who doesn’t understand that you just gave birth, needs a reality check. You are sleep-deprived taking care of an infant. It sounds like it is your first child, so everything is scary and new, and you have to adjust and learn and figure out how to take care of the baby and yourself.
You are still in recovery from a c-section; actually, it takes longer to recover, so you are still in pain. To expect from someone who had surgery and whose body needs to recover and is sleep-deprived while taking care of a baby to watch 6 other kids is insane.” TRACYOLIVIA14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people expect you and your husband to babysit, god knows how many under-4-year-olds when you have a 7-week-old baby? What is wrong with them? On top of all the extra work, just imagine having your newborn with an immature immune system exposed to all those young children!
It’s a recipe for disaster. Your in laws and BIL are selfish jerks. May I ask if their jokes and behavior have a racist element to it?” Timely_Zombie4153
