People Tell Us Their True "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing Additional Babysitting On Short Notice?
“I’ve (F17) babysat for my ex-stepmom “A” a few times this summer when she fell short for a babysitter. I’ve never discussed price with her, but she always paid me about 100 each time for around 8ish hours of babysitting. I babysit either just her 2-year-old daughter or her daughter and 7-year-old son.
I just found out a few days ago that they have two weeks (but they have been informed for a bit longer) to leave the house so they’re obviously stressing about getting out.
A’s mom, “B”, and I haven’t really gotten along, but she has been calling me to babysit A’s daughter so they can get some packing done.
B called me today and yesterday while I was out of town or doing other work to babysit, but I told her I was busy. So I texted her and told her that the short notice isn’t working well for me, but I could babysit the next day for a few hours.
She said she will let me know.
B eventually told me that they got it under control but that I “owe” A babysitting hours because 200 for a couple of days of babysitting is too much and A is trying to save money and can barely pay her bills.
She said the right thing to do is not to accept 100 dollars for 8 hours of babysitting and that I should help her more instead or help them move.
B doesn’t help with the babysitting, uses A’s car, and her phone bill is paid for by A.
I had no idea of their financial situation, obviously.
I’m feeling bad because I’m thinking I’m taking too much money for not enough work. But at the same time, I don’t want to be obligated to take care of the kid or help with their move.
And frankly, that whole text was just rude. So WIBTJ for not wanting to babysit?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. $100 is a pretty low price for 8 hours of babysitting, and if it’s worth it to A to pay that, for any reason, it has nothing to do with B.
If $100 is too high, then surely she can find a cheaper babysitter elsewhere and doesn’t have to deal with you at all (spoiler: she can’t, because it’s not). It’s also a perfectly reasonable boundary to ask for more than a day of notice to work 8 hours.
This sounds a lot like A is actually fine with the situation and B is going behind her back, and I wouldn’t be surprised if A is actually paying her bills just fine. I’d ignore B completely and continue working with A however it pleases you to do so.
My wife is a nanny who sometimes also babysits and I asked her opinion. Your ex-stepmom is getting a heck of a deal for this price.” realshockvaluecola
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Short notice is always a major pain, especially since you had other plans. It sounds like “A” is doing the right thing, and “B” is not only taking advantage of her but trying to take advantage of you as well.
By getting in between you and “A”, “B” is making herself into a problem for you both. Keep the babysitting hours and payment between you and “A” and explain to her why you are doing so. Tell her you will not speak to anyone about any babysitting or rates of pay except her, “A”, so it’s just the two of you negotiating, and neither of you are dealing with a third party, in this case, “B”.
Neither you nor “A” are any kind of jerks, IMO.” KatsEye68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to babysit. It seems B is just piling it on you so she won’t have to do it. It most likely has to do with her age as she is older.
If you like A and her kids, maybe just watch them without pay as a gesture of goodwill as they are in a tight spot. But if you just want to avoid drama altogether, perhaps say that you will be out of town for the next two weeks.” Philosophy_1017
21. AITJ For Legally Changing My Name To Reclaim My Identity?
“My family history is a bit weird, and long story short, my biological aunt adopted me and became my adopted mother when I was 17.
While doing so, she changed my middle and last name against my wishes. She only changed the spelling of my middle name and when asked it was “Your father doesn’t know how to spell it right.” I was furious. I loved my middle name. When it came to last names, I wanted my grandma’s maiden name.
It connected me to my roots, as well as being a family name. However, my adoptive mom changed it to her married name.
It’s been 13 years, and I still hate what happened to my name. It felt like I was ignored. It broke the trust I felt since she had taken me in.
She basically told me to get over it.
Well, I’m thinking of legally changing my name. The name I’ve chosen fits well, and I absolutely love it. I feel connected to it, it rolls off the tongue, and it’s me.
However, when I posted about it, my sister attempted to give me a hard time.
She asked if my relationship with my adoptive mom was that bad (we ended up being adopted by different people) and how could I throw it all away?
It made me feel like crap and I tried to explain, but I realized if my sister feels this way, what will my adoptive mom and my grandma think?
I feel like I’ll get another million lectures and I’m dreading it.
So, would I be the jerk if I changed my name if my family doesn’t want me to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your name and your life. Do with it what you want.
It has as little (or as much) to do with your relationship with your mother as you want it to. You have every right to have the name that makes you happy. Forget everyone else.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what an incredibly destabilising and identity stripping act for her to do.
You were 17 and should have been included in the decision. Change your name back to whatever you want. Don’t worry about what others think. They’ll get over it, and if they don’t, it’s still not your responsibility as they are adults.
Don’t hold back your life and your true self based on the hurt feelings of other adults. Your aunt didn’t give a crap about your feelings when she changed your name. And you were almost an adult too! Horrendous that she dared to do that.
You’re an adult, you don’t even need to tell them. You don’t need their consent, permission or blessings. If you’re not even seeing them often, do you even need to tell them? Just have them deadname you for a few years, then once you’ve fully embraced your name and loved it for ages, tell them you’ve had this name for several years now….
Or not.” FriendlyMum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ adopted at 17? Why did they need to do that? Change your name for sure especially because your aunt changed yours to start with. You must be 30-ish. Change it and quit posting crap. They don’t even have to know unless you live close.” dinahdog
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Force My Daughter To Miss School?
“I have 2 children, 4F and 2M, and live with my husband, who is working full time, mostly from home, sometimes long hours.
I was a SAHM, but I have just landed a good job.
For some context, last summer, my husband and my father had a huge fight, and my husband and my parents won’t see each other anymore. My parents are concerned they won’t see me or the children anymore.
However, my children and I have spent a week with them twice since the beginning of 2022 (2 weeks in total, more than usual for the first half of the year), and it went okay, and we were due to come again in the summer.
Now, I’ve landed a job, but I don’t have any childcare option for my 2-year-old son for the first 2 weeks.
I asked my parents if my son and I could come to theirs so that they would look after him, and they immediately said yes. I thanked them a lot; I am really grateful for their help.
The next day, they called again, demanding that my daughter come.
I said no, as my daughter is going to school, is very happy there, and is making friends (we just moved). They replied that I was inconsiderate for denying them my daughter, and that my mother was hurting and that spending time with her granddaughter would help her recover (my mother had just lost her sister, and I had been calling daily to check on her and comfort her).
I kept saying no, and they kept insisting, accusing me of not being on their side. I eventually told them that the world does not revolve around them, that my children’s happiness and stability are what matter most to me, and that my mother is really spoiled for asking my child to skip school for her and for having a tantrum about it.
Now, my dad said that I can come with my son, but my mother won’t be with us.
I understand she’s hurting and loves my daughter. I don’t think I was wrong by wanting my daughter to stay in school, but I probably didn’t handle things very well.
I’m also hurt that they don’t seem to care much about spending time with my son.
So, AITJ for not letting them see my daughter and for calling my mother spoiled?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What was the blowup fight between your husband and your parents?
This fight was serious enough for him to go no-contact, and you glossed right over it. Why are you not supporting your new family and also cutting off your parents? I’m detecting a suspect pattern of behavior.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“OP, it’s time for you to make some choices.
Either you fully support your husband and make your parents know that you’ll be NC until they apologize to him sincerely, or you keep trying to walk a thin line between your parents and your husband (and shortchanging your husband in the process). Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.
Your parents are way out of line to try calling the shots there. Again, get a spine and back up your husband, or leave your husband and allow him to find a partner who prizes and cherishes him and refuses to let her parents abuse him.
He and your children deserve better from you.” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get they would like to see both kids, but the eldest needs her structure. Sure, it’s just these first couple of weeks of your new job, but are they going to guilt you when you have your permanent childcare set up soon?
I’m also kind of curious about what difficulties came between your husband and your parents. Was it that they were boundary-stomping on him? Is it some of the same behavior they are exhibiting now?” trekqueen
19. AITJ For Confronting My Dad For Claiming I Have Autism And Dismissing My Sister's Diagnosis?
“I (20F) am the oldest of 8. I have 5 younger sisters and 2 younger brothers. My 3-year-old sister is nonverbal and doesn’t respond to her name. I don’t live at home, and I realized she most likely has autism when she couldn’t respond to her name while on vacation.
I asked my stepmom about this (she has a teaching degree and was a teacher for years), and she said she also thinks she has autism.
I was in a program in high school where I worked with special needs kids, so I could recognize some signs.
She was recently diagnosed, and my dad cannot handle it. He has always made fun of people with disabilities, and he has said slurs in every sentence for the past 40 years. Now that it is one of his own, he is trying to say that I also have autism.
I have seen many psychiatrists and therapists who have never thought I had autism, and I have never been diagnosed.
I was an only child until I was 7, and I had social anxiety as a teen. He has told everyone in our family that she has the same disorder that I have.
She will turn out just like I did. Nothing to worry about.
When I found out about this, I called him and said “I don’t have autism, Dad, you need to realize she isn’t going to have a normal childhood like I did.
I DO NOT HAVE AUTISM.” He went on with, “Your stepmom said it’s a social disorder and you’re awkward too.”
I finally lost it and yelled at him, calling him close-minded, but I don’t know how my sister is going to develop with someone thinking everything is normal and just ignoring it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is trying to use you, who turned out to be a self-sufficient and successful adult, to make himself feel better about his youngest child having a diagnosis that scares him. It isn’t fair to you and it isn’t at all okay.” NUT-me-SHELL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Autism has different levels and she sounds like she’d do well/have a better childhood if it’s caught earlier. Girls even with symptoms may not get a correct diagnosis. You may have come across as angry and lying, but his fears are his own.
This is scary for a lot of parents. I hope he comes around or your stepmother intervenes for her sake.” Ok_Duck_665
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you did have it, your father shouldn’t be going around revealing your medical information to everyone around him without your permission, especially since you are an adult.
It’s even worse since it is obviously and blatantly untrue. Your father obviously has issues of his own, the most obvious being a prejudice against people different from him, like the neurodivergent. He needs to grow up and get over it if your sister is going to get the help she needs.
His first duty is to look after his children and see to their health, and, because he refuses to get over his prejudice, he is failing as a father.” bamf1701
18. AITJ For Removing My Ex-Sil From The Family Group Chat?
“We’ve had the group chat for a long time, it’s got my mum, sister, her partner, my brother, my partner, and me. Up until tonight, my ex-sil was in the group too. That was fine, all was good. At first, she would still talk to everyone in the group, and she would send updates of our nieces.
Then a couple of months ago she really started to change. My brother posted a photo of his seats at a sporting event. (Info: My brother has his daughters every weekend and one night a week during the week.) That weekend they were all in iso, so because he couldn’t have them, he went to watch a game.
(The second one he’s been too since the start of their relationship.)
SIL made comments to all the family about how it’s not fair and that he should be paying more child support (mind you, he does pay) and that it’s not fair because she has them all week.
Now my oldest niece has started swearing and SIL is blaming my brother (I live with my brother, he doesn’t swear around them).
I personally have a problem with her at the moment because she got mad and tried to talk crap to my mum and sister and get me to change my mind about her sending the girls over while sick when I have a four-month-old and don’t want to risk it, as well as risking my partner and my brother then not being able to go to work for a week.
But now my sister is saying I was “mean”. So am I the jerk for removing her from the family chat?”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother should not need to monitor anything he shares with HIS family. This is exactly why exes should be removed from family chats when the separation is complete.
The kids are used to justify the continued inclusion, but in reality it’s just one more way many exes use to make your family member uncomfortable, get information, and maintain control of your family member. If they want to maintain contact, this needs to be set up separately from the established family chat.
NTJ. Going forward, exes get booted from the chat when the relationship ends because your loyalty should lie with your family member.” LaNOd1va
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but personally, I think removing people from a group chat tends to create drama. The easier option would have been to start a new chat without her and only use the old one for stuff she needed to be included on.
Excluding her without excluding her, basically.” Ryuugan80
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk for removing her, but you may be one for not asking what her problem is before you did so. Something happened a couple of months ago. It would have been thoughtful of you to find out what the actual issue is before you kicked her because you just added to the fire.
NTJ, but with reservations.” Little_Outside
17. AITJ For Uninviting My Mother-In-Law Over A Used Doll Gift?
“My daughter (5) just had her birthday party two days ago, and something about one of the gifts has been bothering my in-law.
She claims the gift was “inappropriate” and “uncalled-for” and that I should have never accepted it.
So what is this infamous gift we’re talking about? It came in a little pink birthday bag and the contents are as follows: Two Disney movies, two pairs of pants, two little shirts, a brand new Barbie doll, rainbow crayons, a strawberry cupcake, a tea party set, etc., whatever, that ain’t important.
The “offensive” part of the gift was a baby doll. It was obviously used. According to my wife, she was missing her little headband, but apart from that small misfortune, she was still in perfect condition and her dress was still very floofy. I personally don’t have a problem with the doll, and my daughter fell in love with it as soon as she got her hands on it.
She’s feeding it play dough with a plastic spoon as I type this lol.
Anyways, my mother-in-law came up to me after the party. She told me that I should have never accepted the gift because it was disgusting giving someone else a doll someone else had already played with, and that her granddaughter deserves so much more than “someone else’s hand-me-downs.” I tried explaining to her that I don’t mind it because the doll would have probably ended up in the trash anyway, and that she should be happy, especially since this person was already kind enough to spend their money on multiple presents.
She yelled at me and started an argument.
Anyway, I have four “tickets” to my daughter’s ECE continuation, which is Wednesday next week. I have officially uninvited my mother-in-law from coming. The ticket sales have already been finalized, so unless she can convince someone to give her a ticket, she’s not coming with me.
My father-in-law and my wife are still coming.
I feel kind of bad, but she keeps starting arguments. I’m not going to have that kind of negativity at my daughter’s school, so I feel like I made the right choice but am starting to regret it.
AITJ for uninviting her?”
Another User Comments:
“I can respect your spouse for agreeing with you about her own parent being uninvited, however difficult that is for her. NTJ because MIL has been an intrusive tyrant about a gift for a 5-year-old, that said 5-year-old adores.
It isn’t about what the MIL thinks, it is what the recipient thinks of a gift that matters. MIL did not give the gift, did not receive the gift, nor was it her place to decide if a gift should be rejected. What sort of lesson in being gracious or grateful does that demonstrate to your daughter to reject a gift because it is not brand-spankin-new?
The shallow is deep here with granny greedy.” FeistyIrishWench
Another User Comments:
“Info – where did you get the doll? NTJ entirely, but there’s a difference between giving your kid something a friend gave as a hand-me-down and giving them a doll you plucked out of the garbage lol.
The latter would be odd behavior but either way MIL is the jerk and should go buy her granddaughter a new doll if it’s so important and be quiet.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is some materialistic elitist nonsense there. Secondhand anything is not embarrassing, I’m sick of people thinking that using secondhand stuff is something to be ashamed of.
It’s also much better environmentally speaking to not buy a brand new doll that’s made entirely of plastic, in a plastic box, that travelled across the world to be in our stores. I played with my mum’s Barbies from when she was a kid, they were 30 years old or something like that and it didn’t stop me from having the best of times with them.” The_Death_Flower
16. AITJ For Canceling My Dog Sitter Over A Mis-Sent Personal Photo?
“I (Male) and my husband (Male) contacted a dog sitter (Female) we had used once before for an upcoming job in a couple of days.
A couple of minutes after she confirmed, I received a text message. It was a graphic photo of her. It clearly was not meant for us. A couple of minutes after that, she apologized and said she had been hacked and that the hacker had sent us her personal photo.
I don’t believe that. I believe she just accidentally sent it to the last person she texted instead of the intended recipient.
The issue is that it made me super uncomfortable, and now I kind of do not want to use her even though I had already booked (but have not paid yet).
Besides making me uncomfortable, I also feel that it was somewhat careless, which concerns me about someone potentially watching my house. I also wish she had just said, “Oops, it was an accident,” and not lied about being hacked (although that’s just an assumption on my part).
WIBTJ If I canceled the booking?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – this sounds like just an unfortunate error. Yeah, she may have lied about it being a hack, but it was probably all out of embarrassment. It actually wouldn’t bother me to keep her hired, but I totally understand (I think she would too) if you didn’t want the discomfort later on and canceled.” badreligionlover
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She made a mistake and probably felt so humiliated about accidentally sending something inappropriate to what would essentially be her employer. I’m not surprised she panicked and lied. That being said, it is perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable in this situation, and you’re not obliged to continue working with someone you feel uncomfortable around.
I hope for everyone’s sake you’re able to have an honest discussion and move past it, but if you’re not, it wouldn’t make you a jerk.” coppeliuseyes
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ. It is what it is, and it made you uncomfortable. But I will say that there are few things more embarrassing than sending that to a new job, essentially.
The anxiety probably contributed to how bad the lie was to cover it up, so I wouldn’t hold that against her.” knotthemessenger
15. AITJ For Not Celebrating My First Mother's Day With My Husband's Family?
“I (29F) and my husband (33M) had our first baby last summer, so this will be my first Mother’s Day. My husband isn’t big on celebrating occasions; he never does much for Valentine’s Day or my birthday, etc., and it hurts me, but I am used to it by now, though I was really hoping he would do something to celebrate my first Mother’s Day.
We are out of town this weekend because my extended family is having a reunion, and by coincidence, the city we are in is also the city where all his extended family live. Now he just told me on Sunday (Mother’s Day), we are planning to spend it at a big party with all his family so they can meet the new baby.
I was really upset when I heard because his family doesn’t like me much and they never talk to me and none of them even sent a card when our baby was born.
When he told me I was visibly upset, and though I didn’t say anything, he noticed and guessed what was wrong.
He got mad, saying that since we were spending two days with my whole family I could spend one day with his, and though I didn’t argue, this really isn’t how I wanted to spend my first Mother’s Day, and he knows how I feel about his family and them not liking me.
AITJ for not wanting to spend my first Mother’s Day with his whole family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had this issue for years with my ex. His mother always made plans on MD and we were expected to attend. Often it would be brunch at a busy restaurant where we would wait an hour + for a table and then they would want to sit for a couple hours, while I wrestled trying to keep toddlers/babies/little ones occupied. Never took nap time or anything into account.
After a few years of this, I said NOPE, I am the one raising kids now and this is my day, we will do what I want. So I would make plans for us (not in-laws or anyone else because my MIL was morbidly obese and couldn’t walk far) to go to the local zoo, or bird sanctuary, or someplace fun for the kids and active that I enjoyed. We kept this up for a number of years until MIL put her foot down to my husband and basically said if we didn’t do her plans, she would never speak to him again.
He held his ground, they fought for days, then she had a heart attack and died while they weren’t speaking. Then I divorced him.” SausageDogMama
Another User Comments:
“ESH – I can understand the family not being the most welcome, my MIL told me to terminate the pregnancy, but this is a chance to let them welcome the baby.
Your husband is just as excited to show his side of the family the new baby as you were to go to the reunion on your side of the family. Especially if this is a one-off and y’all are in the same city. This does not have to be every Mother’s Day with his side of the family, but you and hubby need to have a sit down and come together meeting and start talking things out.
Holiday expectations and family obligations need to be discussed in advance, and nobody likes being thrown for a loop like he just did you with the new plans. If you do go, try to make it about showing off and introducing the baby, not about your 1st Mother’s Day.” MissMessedUpLife
Another User Comments:
“For wanting to celebrate your first Mother’s Day, NTJ. You are married to a guy you can’t openly talk to; then what’s the point of being married? He’s not a mind reader, and you need to let him know what you want.
Some people don’t get the holidays or special occasions thing. Does he show he cares in other ways? Does he make you feel loved and appreciated on a regular basis? Speak up for what you want.” NightVelvet
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Father And Mum To My Wedding?
“First off, my dad and my mum were together for 8 years, and they split after my older brother passed away when he was 3 years old. Since then, in the last 25 or so years, I see my dad twice or three times a year if I’m lucky, which is, you guessed it, Christmas and birthdays.
He gives me some cash and we chat, but he comes over once or twice a month to see his brother anyway.
He’s always been a heavy substance user and still is, and he got my mum addicted to speed before I was born, which she didn’t stop until I was around 15 (she’s been clean for almost 10 years now).
But he came to my engagement party absolutely reeking of doing substances, and part of me feels he can make a promise all he likes, but he’s already not walking me down the aisle; my grandfather, who raised me my entire life a lot more than my dad ever did, is doing that, and without him I wouldn’t be where I am now.
During all the planning, it’s down as father and bride’s first dance. I won’t get that, and I kind of don’t want that, but it sends a pit in my stomach every time I read or think about sorting it out. So I want to remove the dance altogether, and I just can’t trust that a lifetime of habit is going to change in just one day when he’s never done anything for me before, which is why I don’t want to invite him but feel like I should?
Now, my mum—I don’t know where to start. She raised me as a single parent and I have a lot of respect, and I love her because she’s my mum, but her two relationships after my dad were both with not the best people, to which I’ve had to spend a lot of time, therapy, and medication to try and not let it ruin my future.
But a lot can change in 10 years. She’s not with anyone, and she’s clean from substances, but her behavior is sometimes worrying to me. She got recently diagnosed with pretty much every acronym under the sun—PTSD, BPD, COPD, etc.—and seems persistent in getting them all for some unknown reason.
But there have been a few times during the planning where she’s specifically used the phrase “you’ve stolen a memory from me” because I went into a dress shop with my fiancé’s mum just to look? I never tried anything on, but it’s the first of many instances where she’s said or done something that makes me doubt wanting to invite her, including “you can’t sit me next to your dad at the table,” “if your dad gets to go, I do too,” and my favourite being “(your fiancé) should have asked me permission before asking to marry you.” She’s never been around and only contacts me to borrow money or if she wants me to do something for her, but then again, at the end of the day, they’re still my parents and in some ways I love them.
But, if not inviting either of them at all, does that make me the jerk? I’m really caught between not liking confrontation and actually doing the right thing here. I will answer anyone’s questions for about an hour. But just any outside advice would be helpful because I need advice from some people from an outside perspective!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have very rational feelings about your parents, and I think one or the other or maybe both will certainly cause you unnecessary problems on your wedding day. I am not sure how you can prevent problems if you choose to invite them.
Have your beautiful wedding and arrange two separate celebrations with your parents, maybe.” Kellymargaret
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never need justification for your own wedding, which is about you and your spouse. Weddings are something that should be wanted, and not an obligatory tradition unless you want it to go that way.
But just in this case? Your parents aren’t people who have been crucial to your life. And your mum especially is making this about her and guilt-tripping. That’s really immature, self-centered behavior. I wouldn’t blame you for not inviting either of them. It’s your day; if anyone thinks something about that, it’s not their business.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a few things, your father did NOT get your mum addicted; that is solely on her. It sounds like you still have many issues surrounding their respective addictions and the things they put you through due to those addictions. Plus, I am not seeing anything about them making amends, so not in recovery?
You are entitled to put whatever boundaries you want in place with your parents; that is what you need to do to protect yourself from their behaviors. So if you don’t want them at the wedding, be blunt and tell them exactly why. Then have a beautiful day.” Booklady13
13. AITJ For Taking A Single Room Instead Of Rooming With My Friend?
“I (20M) am living in my fraternity house at school next year. Last week, we had a draft to decide who gets what room.
There are about 40 people living in the house, and room sizes range from singles to triples. The draft order is decided by who has the most points in the house, and points are earned by doing things like cleaning after parties.
My friend, Jake (20M), and I planned on rooming together, so we decided to put our points together to get a double room.
Jake couldn’t make it to the draft because he had to go home for the weekend. My turn came up in the draft, and there was one single room available. It’s a very small room with only space for a twin bed and a nightstand, but I was seriously considering taking it and leaving Jake to room with someone else in a double room.
I ended up taking it, and the main reason was because I haven’t had a single room in my entire life, as I shared one with my brother growing up and have had a roommate every year in college. Also, I have a partner and would love not to have to text someone every time I want to have some alone time with her.
I felt awful after ditching Jake. I texted him after I chose the single room and explained to him the entire situation. He said he was totally fine with me taking the single room and that he didn’t blame me because he would do the same.
I was relieved to hear him say that, but I think he might just be saying that so he doesn’t seem mad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Um, 100% YTJ. You only got the room because of your combined points. Now, if you guys flipped for who got the room, and then the other roomed with someone else, that would be one thing.
But why should you get it? That said, he seems to be fine with it, so it sounds like you lucked out.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“You made a promise to a friend and you broke that promise. He seems to have found an alternative roommate and doesn’t hold a grudge, which is good, but that doesn’t change the fact that you ditched him.
Going forward, you need to decide what kind of a man you want to be. Next time, make the right choice.” Bubbly-Durian3605
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, based on your comments below you didn’t use his points so it’s not like Jake got screwed. He still gets to live in a double.
You had an opportunity to take a single room; I don’t blame you. It makes life a lot more enjoyable when you’re living in a fraternity house with 39 other people, for sure. As long as he knows it wasn’t personal and you both are actually good friends, I don’t see this causing a wedge in your friendship.
Everyone would much rather have a single room than share.” ReelChill26
12. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Creepy Uncle Over His Inappropriate Behavior?
“At a family barbecue last weekend, my uncle (mid-50s) kept making creepy comments about my partner Kate (21F) whom I invited. At first, it was backhanded compliments like, “Wow, you’re way too pretty for him,” but then it got worse – “I would have snatched you up back in the day,” and “Must be a struggle to compromise for me?” He even joked about how my partner must get hit on all the time and how I should “keep an eye on her.”
On top of that, he was being way too touchy, putting his hand on her lower back, touching her arm when he laughed, and even leaning in way too close while talking to her. My partner was clearly uncomfortable but tried to brush it off.
She told me privately that it made her uncomfortable.
I confronted him in front of everyone, straight-up calling him a creep and telling him to knock it off in a loud way. He got defensive, saying he was just joking, and my mom told me I was out of line for embarrassing him like that.
Some family members agreed with me, but others think I overreacted and should’ve handled it privately since everyone knows him as a joker and just loves making conversation which he is good at. Some male cousins of mine are insinuating I was jealous and exaggerating stuff because my uncle talked to their partners too and they didn’t have any complaints like Kate.
My uncle said he was just making jokes, and he didn’t mean any of them, and he is really disappointed that I looked at him as that kind of guy.
AITJ for calling him out publicly instead of pulling him aside?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What always amazes me about situations like this is that people are so quick to pounce on the person who’s standing up for someone who’s trapped in an uncomfortable situation. Your uncle was the one who was being inappropriate, and you, quite appropriately, put a stop to his behaviour to protect your partner.
What your uncle (and everyone else) failed to realize is that there was a power imbalance here: your partner was the new girl at a family gathering, meaning she probably felt obligated to be agreeable in order to be accepted by the group. She felt uncomfortable but was too scared to stop the behaviour.
She was at a disadvantage, and your uncle took advantage of the situation, knowingly or unknowingly.” Most-Device-7298
Another User Comments:
““Some male cousins of mine are insinuating I was jealous and exaggerating stuff because my uncle talked to their partners too and they didn’t have any complaints like Kate.” Gee, I wonder why their partners haven’t raised any discomfort to such dismissive partners.
Also, jealous of what?! “My uncle said he was just making jokes.” Shouldn’t be a problem to stop them, then. “Others think I overreacted and should’ve handled it privately.” He did it publicly. He gets called out publicly. NTJ.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“My aunt’s late husband (I don’t think of him as having been my uncle) liked to get flirty and handsy with me and my sister like this. We told our dad what was going on, and Dad told Mr. Hands that if he ever bothered either of us again, he’d deck him.
Dad is a big, brawny former Marine, so he didn’t even have to raise his voice to put the fear of God into that guy. Mr. Hands died a while back, to my considerable relief. NTJ. Uncle Creepy was hassling your partner and you put a stop to it, like a caring partner should.” MizWhatsit
11. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About His Toxic Relationship Before His Proposal?
“My brother is planning to propose in 3 weeks, but in the last year he has managed to ruin his relationship with our mother, myself, and all of his closest friends.
These are all because of her. Whether it’s her telling him he’s entitled to money, telling him he cannot go to friend events because of things she needs or wants to do (that often don’t involve him), or even completely changing his belief system and ability to handle stressful situations.
He crashes out every time something happens that does not go directly according to his plan, insults and behaves poorly toward everyone involved, never apologizes, and stops talking to people altogether for relatively little things. His friends have all come to me to ask what’s going on and why he is acting like this and why he has changed so much, as well as to vent and make me aware of their experiences with him acting in similar ways and sharing very similar concerns about how his partner affects him.
She has always been very rude to me and makes it clear she does not like me, and has completely turned him against our mother to the point that my brother won’t even communicate with our mom. It’s tearing her life apart. She can’t sleep, and it’s affecting her work and relationship, all because he won’t talk to her after she bought a house (after never having one) instead of paying for his college.
We grew up poor, so where the sense of entitlement comes from is a mystery. (Probably his partner). My father and stepmother are completely on his side and would pretty much do anything to defend both my brother and his partner, which makes me feel like I’m the mediator between three different parties (mother, friends, dad/stepmom), trying to mitigate intense heartbreak, genuine concern, and over-protection, respectively.
I know I need to talk to him, but I’m not sure how to approach these issues without him freaking out and cutting me off as well. Despite not liking his partner/future fiance, and despite severely disapproving of what I feel to be childlike and disrespectful behavior, I do love him, as he is my brother and we have always been very close.
I know that even if I carefully craft a calm argument, doing everything I can to avoid sounding like I am insulting or accusing either of them, he will still more than likely hate me and start freaking out over it. A
ITJ for wanting to show up at his door and force him to talk about this with me?
AITJ for feeling like it’s my responsibility to essentially bomb-drop how everyone in his life is concerned and heartbroken about his behavior and primarily blames it on his partner and the way she has sheltered and changed him so drastically? He is proposing in 3 weeks, and almost everyone in his life who loves and cares for him and who has known him for a significant amount of time disapproves of her and his behavior, but I am supposed to be the messenger for all of it right before he proposes?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand what you’re saying OP because I feel like I could’ve probably written a similar post. Ultimately, I think it’s important to reframe your conversation with him. Talk about facts and approach with questioning to better understand his perspective, not with the idea that you’ll tell him everyone dislikes his partner.
Loving him above all else. Observation of distancing from mom when she bought her own place. Feeling hurt for the distance. Noticing his outbursts recently, etc. I don’t think you necessarily need to talk on behalf of others who have issues with his partner. I’ve reflected a lot with my own brother and wonder if, at times, it is not his partner but actually his partner unlocking potentially negative traits that were always there.
It’s a bit sad, but I think I realized recently that maybe the man I thought my brother was wasn’t right. I realized my bro is his own person, and he’s opting in. In some ways, I would’ve loved if he fell in love with someone that ultimately encouraged him to grow better and in a better way.
But the reality is, he chose and fell in love with this other person. Both of them have become more selfish (because she is), and neither has a growth mindset. I think you need to consider what you want from this conversation. Perhaps you want to clear the air to improve your relationship with him and better understand his perspective.
Don’t go in trying to break the relationship. Go in with an open mind and understand his viewpoint. Respect his feelings too. I don’t think it hurts to mention your observation about his emotional instability. I also don’t think it hurts to mention how he shouldn’t necessarily feel entitled either, but empathize with how hard it is (did you have your college paid for and he didn’t?).
I actually wouldn’t put blame on his partner but more so just approach it as a big sis talking to her younger sibling. Good luck.” No-Muscle5314
Another User Comments:
“Man, part of this could’ve been written about me. But, in reality, my ex gave me the courage to distance myself from vile family who suck the life out of you, and those people didn’t like it.
However, the loving, respectful family members understand where I’m at and support my decisions to not be around toxicity. Throwing accusations (whether founded or perceived), trying to break them up, or pin him against other family is a sure-fire way to lose him. Asking with empathy to UNDERSTAND is how you have conversations that don’t end in screaming matches when you’re concerned about someone.
If you’ve noticed distance between the two of you, ask him if you’ve done something wrong because you don’t want the distance anymore. Ask him if he’s okay, or if he needs anything, ask what’s going on.” SocksAndPi
Another User Comments:
“What’s your age, his and that of his partner?
Lots of information missing. You don’t describe your relationship. Were you close with your brother? You are on the outside looking in and haven’t provided any information as to how deep you knew your brother. People can just bide their time, going through the motions of what’s socially acceptable because well …what would they do otherwise?
That could be a hard pill to swallow. Because it means there was never a connection. If the quality of the relationships were really that deep, there’d be no need for friends to come to you or for you to come to here. You would ALL go to him, your brother, their son, their friend.
It seems family will think it’s because of the controlling partner before they question the connection they have with the person.
Sometimes it takes a significant other to unlock/trigger something already inside that person and they realize they’ve been accommodating their entire lives. That they’ve never really lived for themselves and always for the other.
They let others walk all over them? What if that’s your brother, and he kept that hidden? What if he was afraid to be authentic, fearing he would lose you all, so he decided to avoid confrontation? What if her love gives him wings? Makes him authentic?
Helps him to be more of himself? I’d say this. Judge the tree by its fruit. A good tree doesn’t produce rotten fruit. How has his life changed APART from no relationship with his mom, friends or you? Is he in debt because of her?
Has he turned to the bottle (excessively)? Is he living recklessly? Be fair. If she is bad, his life will show a trail of downward spiral. How has “she affected other areas of his life”? Quoted this because he is a grown adult completely able to make his own choices.
Sadly, family never doubts the person’s choices when in relation to THEM, when a special one is concerned then it’s ALWAYS the special person. But if the relationship is the only thing that changed, then sorry brother…take a better look at your relationship. Maybe you and ALL of you were taking him for granted. And some moms find it excruciatingly painful when their son finds true love.
Again, I can’t judge. But your post is one-sided and lacking in self-reflection. Based on you ONLY blaming the partner, I’d say YTJ. And self righteous at that also. The way you want to swoop in and save the day by telling your brother HIS partner is bad bad bad.
And he should believe you because his mom says so, his friends say so and of course you say so. Maybe you should…then another seemingly toxic relationship can be severed. Better now than later. If you have any sense, start by questioning YOUR relationship with your brother.
Remember: True Narcissists can’t self reflect.” AlmaCaribena
10. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Her Text Behavior Is Embarrassing?
“My friend (17F) and her ex (19M) had mutually broken up but continued talking to each other. They had been seeing each other for a little over a year before ending things in October.
He later told her that he wanted to stop talking to her because he detached and just wanted to move on, but she’s upset that he detached while they were still talking and that it wasn’t fair to her.
She also kept breaking the no-contact after they both agreed to stop talking, and he told her to leave him alone and to stop contacting him. Like, the guy even has ME blocked.
So, yesterday, my friend wanted to text him. I was originally against this idea, but she told me that if she texted him she’d feel better no matter what the response is (or if there would even be a response), so I told her that she knew herself better than I did and to do whatever she wants.
After she texted (on WhatsApp, by the way), she asked me “Is _ hours delivered on WhatsApp believable?” As in, she had been on delivered for that many hours. When this happened, I kind of felt like maybe I shouldn’t have let her text because she was waiting on a response.
Today, she sends me a picture of a post that states: “Can you text me back before I sign you up for the Marines and the Navy and the Army and also Scientology as well.”
She then asks me: “Can I send this, please?”
I don’t respond because I’m at school.
Then she texts: “Ok, so are you ghosting me too.”
Wow, mkay.
I respond, “Girl, I just saw this.”
She goes: “SO yes or no. I think yes.”
I say, “No.”
She says, “Yes”
I say, “No.”
She says, “What, it’s funny.”
I then say, “It’s embarrassing.
He’s going to send it to his friends and laugh at you. You already texted once.”
She gets upset and says, “What the heck is wrong with you? Who says crap like that, dude?”
I tell her, “My bad” and she likes the message.
I don’t know.
I thought this was a normal response because I’ve gotten something like this before and it did smack some sense into me, but I don’t know anymore.
Do you think I should apologize? Because obviously, she doesn’t want to talk to me right now and I don’t know what to say.
To be clear, the post she sent me was one of those satire Instagram crap posts. I found it funny, but to send? Absolutely not, in my opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “I think I could’ve been too harsh on my friend? Like she isn’t ready for an honest response.” I’d have gone a lot further.
What she is doing isn’t just embarrassing. It is creepy stalker behavior and needs to stop before he gets a restraining order. Maybe ask how she would feel if she broke something off with a guy and he continued to pester her after she told him to leave her alone.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were honest with her, and what you said was true. She is embarrassing herself, and you would be a bad friend if you just kept letting her do that to herself without saying anything. If she’s gonna keep ignoring the input that she asks for, then honestly, you should cut ties with her.
I went through something similar, but this had more to do with two friends of mine. Friend A kept getting two-timed by her partner at the time. Friend B was more vocal about her opinions in the group because they were much closer, and friend A kept going to her crying and asking for advice.
Friend B always said to leave this guy and cut him off, but she never listened and only wanted to talk about her partner. We are no longer friends with friend A.” amelia611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at this point she’s just harassing him. Especially with that threat of signing him up for crap, I’d be showing that message to a lawyer just in case.
She’s already committing a crime, up to her whether it stops here or continues on to stalking charges. You’re right too, even if what you said was harsh and she’s currently hip-deep in denial. She needed to hear it.” Self-Aware
9. AITJ For Canceling My Appointment After My Manicurist Asked For Extra Money?
“I (30f) found a good manicurist (Nina, fake name) a few months ago. I’ve been to her salon 4-5 times.
Sadly, Nina (40f) has multiple sclerosis and EBV, and she needs a stem cell transplant. She is planning on opening a charity fund because she cannot afford to pay for that – $50k.
This is all very sad, and I wanted to help her once the fund was set up, of course.
The thing is, the last time I went to the salon, Nina asked me to give her money ($50) because she couldn’t pay her bills. I, of course, sent her the money.
I felt really bad for her and didn’t hesitate for a second. However, almost a week later, she called me and asked for $300 because, apparently, she had mistaken the amount of the bill for which I had sent her the $50 in the first place.
I couldn’t send her that much money, so I offered to give her $50 again, and she said “Okay.”
I felt weird because I had only been to the salon a few times; we’re not friends or anything, and I don’t think it is okay to call your clients and ask for money.
She also called a friend (30f) of mine, who went to Nina’s salon as well, and Nina asked her for $300 too.
After that, I canceled my appointment and went to a new nail salon. (Keep in mind, I’ve been at her salon just 5 times!) The manicurist called me to ask what was wrong, and I said that it is not okay for me to be asked for money twice.
I understand that she is in a difficult situation, but that is not the way to earn money. She said I’m a jerk, that I can afford to help her, and that I’m insensitive.
Also, I want to mention that at the moment, there is no charity fund, and I would have helped with donations once it’s set up.
Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have cancelled and found a new place too. This crosses personal and professional boundaries. Please don’t feel obligated to give people answers (or money) if they ask. You can keep it short and say, “I found a place that’s more convenient.” You don’t owe people an explanation.
Maybe they think getting your nails done is “a luxury,” and they can guilt you into giving money. You sound really nice and caring. I used to be more like this, but now I’m old and have found that people will use you if they sense you are kind-hearted. Of course, you can choose whom to help in life, but you can’t help everyone.
The most important thing is helping and protecting yourself. You are NOT a jerk.” DandelionDirtbag
Another User Comments:
“I have MS and this sounds fishy. As far as I know, there is a transplant that can be done, but in order to be eligible, all other forms of treatment need to have failed. Also, if she were in such a situation, I find it hard to believe she would have the coordination to be able to do manicures.
Of course, every person is different, and the symptoms of MS are many, but still, I find it weird. To be honest, if you are in the US, it’s much more plausible that she needs money for her medication. NTJ.” Sammy1307
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s looking like she’s scamming you, but even if she’s telling the truth, SHE FEELS ENTITLED TO A LOT OF YOUR FUNDS. There is no situation where that is true or even okay for her to believe. She thinks that because you can afford to get your nails done, you can spend on anything.
She needs/wants funds. Based solely on the facts that (1) she met you and (2) she knows you have some discretionary funds, she feels entitled to benefit from whatever funds you have. Decide if you want to report her to the Better Business Bureau or leave a review.
But otherwise, be done with her. Block her number.” swillshop
8. AITJ For Stopping Mortgage Payments When My Sister Changed The Deal?
“For the past 8 years, I (32M) have been paying my parents’ property taxes and mortgage. They are retired and have very little retirement savings because they put all their money into my sister’s (29F) and my education. We both went to top universities and found successful jobs afterward.
I felt like I owed my parents for all they had sacrificed for me, so it was a no-brainer to help them retire with no financial stress. My parents did not consult my sister about splitting these costs with me; instead, the agreement was that I would get a larger share of the house.
Fast forward to now, my sister unfortunately lost her job last year and, as a result, doesn’t have much savings. She moved in with my parents to save money while she looked for a job. I recently found out that my sister pitched staying permanently in my parents’ house, and my parents agreed. I was furious at this because I had been paying for the house with the understanding that it would be sold and I would get a larger share.
It is very likely my sister will never sell the house and instead raise her eventual family there. Because the original agreement with my parents changed, I stopped paying for the mortgage, leaving it up to my sister to take care of if she’s taking over the house.
My parents are furious with me, saying I’m too money-obsessed and should be continuing to help the family while my sister is in a tough spot, still looking for a job. Instead, they are promising that eventually, my sister will pay me out for my share of the house plus whatever else I contributed over 8 years.
I turned that offer down because there’s no real guarantee this will happen and I don’t trust my sister to follow through financially.
I may be the jerk for taking such a cynical stance and leaving my family in financial stress, but I feel like I was already burned once through verbal agreements, and I don’t want to get burned again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t do it. Stop paying now. As someone who was suckered into this exact position 20 years ago. I now have NOTHING to show for it. First it was “oh they will just be staying for a few months.” Then, oh, it’s just a few more months.
Twenty years is what those “few months” turned into. My name is on the deed. I get no benefit from it, just a bunch of headaches. Get lawyers involved, show the proof of what you’ve been paying for however many years, get yourself sorted and paper trails.
If they want to live in a place you are paying for, get a tenancy agreement and charge market rate rent because my “family tenants” are paying $75 per week. (The other units like mine are rented out at $600PW.) When I mentioned that, I was told “you wouldn’t do that to family, would you?” and “oh stop acting so selfish; money isn’t everything.” Please, please be careful.
With family, I found that they were “staying there because they needed it” and it’s “just a small favour” and everyone’s favourite “it’s just till they get back on their feet.” They are living the life of Riley on your dime, and let’s not forget when crap goes wrong in the place, suddenly it’ll be “but you’re the landlord,” and you’re paying for everything anyway, and trust me, you will end up paying for things that need to be fixed, and of course it’s you who will foot the bill.
How do I know? Experience, darling, experience. It’s a money drain. Do not let this happen to you! It can’t go both ways. You need to take care of yourself, not the leeches in your life. Protect yourself now before it’s too late.” Eclectic_Gray_1
Another User Comments:
“Your parents didn’t ‘retire’; they quit their jobs. A retiree is a person who has enough income from passive sources to be able to pay their expenses. Your parents never had enough investments to create income to cover decades of expenses. They spent all their money (on college and whatever else) and also still had high expenses (mortgage).
At a rough estimate, you supporting your parents financially for the last 8 years has probably paid them back for all of their college support. (Rough numbers: 8 x $2k x 12 = $192k.) You’re never going to get any money from the house. Your parents will eventually sell it to help cover their expenses in their elder years.
The money will get spent. Stop giving your parents any money. Invest in your own name/future.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think your biggest miscalculation was underestimating your parents’ dedication to helping you and your sister. Your parents don’t sound like the kind of parents who are going to turn your sister down for help when she needs it.
Sometimes, parents even go so far as to leave a larger inheritance to the child who ‘needs it’ more in their eyes. Remember, if it’s not written down in a legally binding contract, it’s not yours no matter what anyone says. People can and do change their minds.
If you are doing well enough to pay their mortgage but your sister doesn’t even have a job, your deal with them is not going to be their priority. Their priority will be helping your sister. Whatever you decide, decide it with that understanding.” Deep-Okra1461
7. AITJ For Kicking My MIL And BIL Out Of Our Home During A Snow Storm?
“We had a terrible snowstorm hit here last month. I had heard from some of the other family members that my MIL was staying in a car with my BIL, her son. On Christmas Day, we told them to meet us at a nice restaurant for Christmas dinner.
What I saw was pitiful. They were both skin and bones. I told them they could hook a big heater up to their car and stay in our driveway until the storm passed.
It has well passed, and they are still here and we’re cooking every meal for them, which has put us in a financial strain.
My BIL has been on substances for a while and can’t hold down a job because of it. Since my MIL has stayed with him, she is also doing heavier substances, and her mental health is declining. She lost her husband two years ago and since then has been losing her mind.
She will talk about people stealing her name on social media and framing her to drag her to heck. She’s always saying stuff like this. My BIL leaves a mess in the driveway; the neighbors have mentioned it to me. He also revs up his car and the neighbors have complained. My MIL is waiting on a “big check” and has been for a year, but I fear that it has already been spent on substances.
Everyone in the family has asked her to stay inside in a room, and she wants to live out in the car with her youngest son and the poor dog he keeps in there. The dog has pooped in the car.
My husband feels like they are his responsibility since his dad passed away.
I told him he needed to give them tough love. I told him to give them money for a hotel for a week since he finally found a job at a restaurant and that they couldn’t come back. My husband says I don’t have a big heart like him because I’ve never been homeless and he has.
I feel like we need to push them out so that it forces them to get their life together. I’m torn because my MIL needs to be in a mental hospital, but she would never forgive us if we went that route. AITJ for kicking them out of here?
(Side note, we’ve tried letting the BIL stay in the guest room in here and he steals stuff and leaves the house a mess).”
Another User Comments:
“You are almost certainly in violation of a city code that prohibits people living the way your MIL and BIL are living.
Which means that YOU are subject to being fined, perhaps daily, for allowing it. Call your city or county government and ask. There may be a code enforcement officer who will come and tell them to move for you. Or just show your husband the code and ask if he wants to pay a fine to let them live in your driveway.
Either way, get them out before something bad happens. YWNTBJ.” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It has to be against city code to let people live in a car on your property. It is also unsanitary. It sounds like your MIL has had a break with reality.
Look into what it would take to put her on government assistance and then to have her committed. Unfortunately, if you keep going as you are, she and your BIL will pull you both down with them. Give your husband a chance to do the right thing for you two.
If he won’t, it’s time to make arrangements to live elsewhere. If he can’t consider what’s best for you and respects your wishes, there is little left to hold onto.” SpiritualAd5028
Another User Comments:
“Substance addicts need professional help which your husband and you can’t give, and every day you facilitate them is another day that they are living delusionally and dangerously (with a poor dog living an unsocialised life that might end up with it being put down).
They can’t do what is expected of them. They are ill. Call Adult Protective Services. Get them taken into care for the time being; take in the dog for them; get the rest of the family lined up to give support to whatever extent they can.
Hopefully MIL can be separated from BIL so they can stop dragging each other down. They should be re-housed separately. Does anyone in the family have a granny flat she could live in (away from BIL) when she gets out of rehab and gets MHC in the community?” LaughingAtSalads
6. AITJ For Trying To Encourage My Husband's Secret Shower Singing?
“I (38F) found out something about my husband (41M) that I don’t think he ever wanted anyone to know.
I came home unexpectedly after leaving in the morning. While walking inside, I heard muffled music. As I got closer to our bedroom, I heard him in the shower, singing along to something we had never listened to before, and I was blown away.
A little background: My husband is quiet and reserved. He is very stoic and doesn’t like small talk, huge crowds, or being the center of attention. He also has a very unique voice; he is slim, but his voice is deep and even-keeled. There have been times when we have been at karaoke bars and people prodded him about getting up there, and he always says something like, “You’ve heard me talk; what makes you think I can do that?” or “Do you really want this place to clear out?”
In the shower, he wasn’t belting out, but he was singing along, and he was good—really good. I was shocked and frozen for a bit, but then I turned and left, got in my car, drove down the street, and texted him that I’d be home shortly.
A couple of minutes later, he replied, and I sat there for a while wondering how I could possibly bring it up.
I went in, and it was like any other day. He was in our room, his hair still wet, with the Bluetooth speaker right back on the dresser where it always was.
I didn’t bring it up.
For the next few days, it was really all I could think about. I’m not proud of this, but when he was out shoveling and salting the driveway, I took his phone and went into his Spotify. He had to have had something in there, and lo and behold, at the bottom of his usual playlists, there was one titled “random.” I opened it, and there it was: all artists he had never once listened to with or around me—Bruno Mars, Shawn Mendes, Michael Bublé, James Arthur, Lukas Graham, some much older stuff like the Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, and Dion—and then I saw it: “Die A Happy Man” by Thomas Rhett.
Something I forgot to mention earlier: My husband HATES country music. He never complains when others are playing it, but if anyone asks him what he wants to listen to, he says, “Anything but country.” He says he hates the “twanginess” of it and thinks all of the artists are “poser cowboys.”
“Die A Happy Man” is my song. I don’t listen to it around him because he hates country, but it’s my favorite. Years ago, I remember we talked about our favorite songs. He mentioned a few, and I mentioned mine. It’s the only time I’ve ever brought it up.
He nodded and acknowledged it, but said he wasn’t a country fan and didn’t know it.
The fact that he remembered it, saved it, knows it, and even more than that, that he may be able to sing it, is burning me up. I want to hear him sing.
I want to ask him so badly, but I’m afraid of how he may react. It’s innocent, but it’s still a breach of trust, and if he hasn’t told me or any of his friends or family, then this is something he probably really wants to keep to himself forever.
WIBTJ for trying to pry him open on this one?”
Another User Comments:
“You said it: He’s stoic and doesn’t like being the center of attention, so soft YTJ if you have some sort of shower singing ‘gotcha’ moment that makes him the center of attention and the butt of the joke.
This isn’t a ‘secret side’ of him dying to break out the way you think it is; it’s just how he chooses to pass time in the shower. I’m a lifelong lover of indie music, but have you ever tried to work out to it?
There’s a reason the indie crowd isn’t exactly known for their buff physiques. So I listen to pop, EDM, and hip hop when I’m working out and really enjoy it in that context. I suspect this is something similar for him. Now, if your interest is just expanding the range of music you listen to as a couple, then plan a road trip and work some of these songs onto the playlist—but not so many that it’s obvious.
Sing along to them yourself so it’s clear the same is welcome from him, but be prepared to go solo on it.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Oh bless. I think YWBTJ, only because it sounds like he’s someone who would feel uncomfortable if someone just randomly brought it up.
I’ve been complimented on my singing in the past when I was just absently singing to myself. It felt weird because, for some reason, that day, I just happened to hit all the notes perfectly. I wasn’t really paying attention to who was around me, and one of my friends who had been listening said, ‘Wow, you can really sing!’ It was very odd because I’m not a good singer normally, and I could tell that something just clicked that day and was unlikely to click again, so I felt really awkward and couldn’t convince her that I’m really NOT a good singer normally, lol.
I’d let him keep it for himself. The only outcome (if he’s shy about it) is that he’ll stop singing when he’s in the shower alone as well, and it’s clearly something he enjoys doing without inhibition. Let him keep his little bit of peace.” TrashPandaLJTAR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel like he is learning this song for a special occasion? I was going to say for a proposal but you are already married. Because you can’t tell him you randomly came home earlier (because you pretended you hadn’t), you can’t casually say “Oh, I came to pick up something I forgot and I think I heard you sing in the shower.
It sounded really good!” and then leave it at that, see if he would share more about his singing, I don’t know how you can naturally bring this up now… Besides coming home early “unplanned” again to “pick something up” and hoping you will “catch” him again so that you can bring it up that evening… Good luck with it.
I wish I could sing!” almalauha
5. AITJ For Being Mad That My Partner Used AI To Craft His Apology?
“A few weeks ago, my partner and I got into a huge fight where it ended with him asking what I needed to be fixed, and me basically listing them and saying how hurt I was.
He sends me this beautiful, heartfelt message back that I literally tear up at (at the time) and was so grateful for it.
Fast forward to now, and we’re having the same fights again, so I bring up his paragraph and how he hasn’t done anything he said he was going to do.
I don’t know why, but some part of me was dreading this, but I still did it. I go to that AI checker website, and in the paragraph, what do you know: 100% AI detected. I am genuinely infuriated and don’t know where to go from here.
He doesn’t take things very seriously sometimes, so all he says is “AI helps me talk about my feelings” as a joke. Someone please help. What do I do? What do I say? Please.
I’m wondering, am I in the wrong for getting so upset?
I’m genuinely so horrified, but I hate fighting with him; I just feel so lost. So, am I the jerk for being angry over the fact that he used AI for something like that?
I think a lot of my anger is also stemming from the fact that I feel like he really doesn’t care when he hurts me.
And this was the cherry on top.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a total crap move to use AI to avoid doing the actual work of dealing with conflict, acknowledging other peoples’ feelings, and expressing remorse. He deceived himself out of learning how to do emotional work just as much as he deceived you out of receiving a truly heartfelt apology.
He showed you that he has no real intention to do better in the future.” matthewsmugmanager
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — It would be one thing if he used AI just to help organize/rephrase his own thoughts, especially coming out of a heated argument where it might be difficult to think clearly.
But it sounds like (at least from your telling) that he used AI to create a letter to placate you without actually internalizing any of the contents. He isn’t taking the actions “he” said he would in the letter because he didn’t really read it.” Petrobyas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In the case of apologies, unless HE wrote the whole thing, you can’t really be sure he truly understands the problem. Whether it was AI or asking someone else to write it. If I heard someone apologize using AI, what I hear is “they didn’t understand what they needed to do to apologize,” so I can’t trust it.” Friendly-Log6415
4. AITJ For Snatching The Squat Rack From A Chatty Gym Regular Who Left His Water Bottle?
“I (37M) go to the gym every day after dropping off my child at school.
At this gym, there is a (late fifties?) guy that uses the gym as a social event. He’s constantly taking equipment and then walking around talking and socializing for over 10 minutes. I have often had to shift my routine because I can’t get the equipment I want because of this.
Today, I had enough, and when he put his little water bottle down on the squat rack I wanted to use, and went around talking nonsense with his same-age friends, I took the rack. One of his buddies came up to me and told me his friend was using it.
I told him that he wasn’t, and that this is a gym, not a social event. They proceeded to go around pearl-clutching about how I’m an entitled young person and I’m sure they’ll go to the owner about it. I know I could have handled it better, but after 20+ times of this guy wasting my time or making me alter my workout schedule for non-exercise reasons, I had enough.
Did I overreact? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A water bottle is not using the machine. I would give a minute as a grace period but after that, he’s obviously not using it. If he wants to use it, he needs to be there doing exercises with the machine.
And if he’s chit-chatting around, it shouldn’t matter to him that you’re using it first — he can chit-chat some more and then do his stuff once you’re done with your set.” RecordingNo7280
Another User Comments:
“Probably NTJ – but you could have asked him if you could nip in to use the equipment while he’s chatting as you’re ‘tight on time’ – or some other excuse.
He’d either have to let you, or use it himself, or look like a jerk. Whichever way it would be mission accomplished.” PapaJohn487
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ugh, I work out in an uncrowded gym, a wellness center owned by the local hospital, and this even happens there.
I like seeing people socialize and chat; it’s great to be in a place where older people can work out without pressure. However, there are chairs in conversation areas for talking. No reason to park on a machine to talk. I like to use machines in a certain order.
If someone is just sitting on one of them while chatting, I now boldly ask if I can slip in there right now, or if they will be done in five minutes. Usually, they get up or finish using the machine. It’s easier with the machines since most people aren’t on them for longer than 10 minutes.
I don’t use a bench, but I think you are on them longer so there’s more competition for them, which ought to mean people use them and leave, not try to reserve them with a water bottle. I’m one of the old people there and also want to mention that I have equal trouble with old and young using machines as chairs.
The people who get really offended are the ones who are fiddling with their phones (texting, playlists, exercise apps) and who can’t comprehend that they have been taking up a machine for 20 minutes without exercising. If I see a water bottle or towel sitting on a machine, I assume they were accidentally left behind and move them.
Even if I know they have wandered off to chat.” dontlikebeige
3. AITJ For Not Unlocking The Door For My Late Coworker?
“I recently invited one of my coworkers to a hot Pilates class. It was our first time at this studio. The class started at 12:00 noon. At 11:55, I was already set up in the studio, and I texted my coworker to ask if she was close.
She said she was 5 minutes away. At 12:05, she still had not arrived, and the Pilates instructor locked the door to the building and started the class.
My friend texted me at 12:10, telling me the door was locked and to let her in. I did not feel comfortable leaving the class to go unlock the door, as I assumed the instructor locked it for a reason and it was my first time there.
I told my friend that the class had started and I couldn’t leave. After the class, my coworker texted me, telling me she was mad at me for not getting up and unlocking the door for her. But how can she be mad at me when SHE was late?
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From my understanding, Pilates requires a certain amount of concentration. The instructor locked the door because it is not the kind of thing you would want people walking in and out of. Being that it was her first class, she should have made it a priority to be on time.
In my opinion, leaving her outside saved you both from potential embarrassment and bad first impressions.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most workout studios have this rule in place, and once 5-10 minutes have elapsed from the beginning of class, doors are closed and people aren’t allowed in.
This allows the instructor to be fully present for the beginning of class and for everyone to settle in instead of getting distracted by someone walking in and setting up. You’re not responsible for checking your phone every 30 seconds to see if your late friend has arrived. It’s not your studio; it would be extremely rude for you to unlock the door.” Federal__Dust
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in this same exact situation. A coworker invited me to Pilates. I was trying to accomplish a lot that day, so I arrived on time, despite the clearly shared warning to arrive early if it’s your first class. They did not let me participate.
My friend was in the class waiting for me, and I explained I’d have to catch up with them later because I was late. They needed me early to explain the equipment. In these types of classes, they are well underway 10 minutes in. She wouldn’t have been able to catch up, and the instructor’s job would have been more difficult.
Just kidding, if you let her in, you both would have been scolded. NTJ. It’s just like work. A noon meeting starts at noon. Unlocking someone else’s door probably would have made you the jerk, to be honest.” DJ_YaBasic
2. AITJ For Threatening To Stay With My Mom Over My Stepmom's Insults?
“I (15M) have been alternating weeks between my parents’ homes basically my whole life.
They split up when I was a baby and have both remarried since.
I’ve been happy for the most part. I love my stepdad and my siblings (I have some on both sides). My only issue has been my stepmom.
To be honest, I wouldn’t say I had any real issues in the past. I do find her more annoying with stricter rules than what I have at my mom’s house (She’s a Vice Principal, very serious), but recently, she has been taking shots at my dad and me about my mom and stepdad.
(Which might have always been a thing, but now that I’m older, she is just doing it more in front of me?)
Saying things like she doesn’t take my education seriously, she’s never grown up, they flaunt their money in front of her and my dad, they spoil me, they let me get away with everything.
I honestly don’t even know where she comes up with this. My dad doesn’t really say anything, agrees occasionally, but it’s been making me angrier and angrier.
Obviously, I would never admit it to my dad, but I do love my mom more. She is like the most awesome and important person to me, and hearing my step mom say crap just made me boil over…….
I finally broke and yelled at her after she blamed my mom for me getting a poor mark on an exam. I told her to shut her mouth about my mom and that if she said one more word, I would pack a bag and stay with my mom permanently.
My dad flipped and yelled at me to apologize, but I told him if he didn’t make her apologize, then I was leaving. He said my mom would never allow it, and I made the mistake of saying we talked about it before.
He then called my mom and started a fight with her, thinking she had put me up to this.
I couldn’t handle it, so I left the house and called my stepdad to come get me.
I’ve been at my mom’s, but my dad’s been texting and calling every day, jumping from begging me to come home, apologizing, to getting into fights with my mom and stepdad.
I feel like a jerk for causing a huge fight between my families…..”
Another User Comments:
“Send your dad a text message. “Your wife badmouthing my mom is not okay. Not in any way, shape, or form. I want a sincere apology and I expect you to back me up on this.
If she ever pulls that crap again, then I will be telling the courts about her attempts of parental alienation and asking mom to change the custody. This is my decision and Mom has not influenced me in any way. In the past I haven’t really had any problems with your wife.
I find her sometimes annoying, but we got along fine enough. But I’ve started to dislike her more and more for every crappy thing she says about my mom. And I realized I don’t need to have crappy people like that in my life unless I want to.
So either she apologizes and stops, or I will remove her from my life the moment I turn 18. Only you will be invited to events. Don’t bother trying to argue with me or trying to negotiate. Any attempts at that will not be answered. An apology or I stop coming over.”” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — It’s important for a child to have both parents respected. Even if your dad isn’t the one saying undermining things, he’s not setting limits to make sure you feel respected and comfortable at your house. Maybe tell your dad you need some time and space to calm down, but he and his wife need to respect your needs.
Emphasize that you do want to resolve this, but you need some space to become less angry, and him starting fights with your mom and lobbing accusations at her is just making the entire dynamic worse and making you feel less respected and loved by him.
Sorry you’re dealing with this. Just remember that you’re never too old to get a big hug from your mom.” PatientAmphibian5081
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also come from parents who split when I was quite young, I was 5 so a little older than you were.
Both are now remarried and bio dad has 3 more kids with his wife. My mum made it a point to NEVER say anything bad about him in front of me or anywhere I might accidentally overhear. Even when he was a bad parent and I left his house in tears sometimes.
She just comforted me and tried to help me process my emotions and such. One particular event from when I was 10 always sticks in my mind. I’d just been dropped at my bio dad’s house, a 3 hour drive away from my home city and wanted to call my mum as I think I left something in the car or had a question for her (she would often use the trip as an excuse to see my great grandma who lived in the same city).
I asked to borrow his mobile to call her. After scrolling through his contacts for a few minutes, I went back to him and said I couldn’t find her name. Laughingly, he tells me it’s under TBA – to be avoided. 10-year-old me absolutely ripped him a new one.
I was so furious. I shouted at him for what felt like hours, though realistically, it was more like 15 minutes. Then, I called my mum and asked her to come back for me as I couldn’t even look at him right then. It took nearly a year for me to even think about seeing him again and I made sure he apologized profusely.
I’m in my mid-30s now and haven’t spoken to my bio dad for more than 8 years. I message his wife occasionally on social media for updates on the kids, but she’s a whole other kettle of fish and was at some points as bad as your stepmother sounds too.
My only regret is that due to my half siblings ages (14, 11 and 8) I’m kind prohibited from having a relationship with them too unfortunately.” Immifish
1. AITJ For Respecting My Grandma's Wishes Over My Uncle's Entitlement?
“Before my (18m) grandma passed away, she and I had an arrangement. She gave me funds to buy horror novels, and I read them to her twice a week. We spent a fair amount of time together.
During one of our last sessions, she confided in me that she wanted to leave all her savings to charities but decided to leave a college fund for my cousin (16f) since ‘Uncle Henry’ lost a massive part of his savings through gambling.
The guy thought he could recover all he lost by making a big bet on Mike Tyson, but then Jake Paul won, so he ended up losing even more.
Grandma asked me not to tell anyone about this, and I didn’t. I kept my mouth shut.
When my dad and uncles found out, they reacted in different ways. Dad wasn’t really that surprised since Grandma was rather charitable, especially in her later years. Uncle Henry was grateful for the fund, but ‘Uncle John’ was quite upset, saying that she’s their mom and should have left them something.
All three of them got suspicious and asked me if Grandma had told me about this during one of the afternoons I spent at her place. I admitted that I knew about it, and Uncle John said I should’ve told them first instead of letting them find out this way because it wouldn’t have hurt so much if he had time to prepare instead of being caught off guard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You had private bonding time with your grandma, and she told you about a decision that she made. You did not have to spill it to anyone else! In fact, it would have been chaos too. ‘Uncle John’ didn’t want time to be surprised and processed; he wanted time to go to his mother and pressure her in her dying days to give him money.
I bet he wouldn’t have even tried to get your dad or the other uncle a cut; he just wanted it. He would have caused a huge family rift as your grandma was dying and taken away her peace. So you not starting that off means you’re NTJ.” BicycleNinjaFrog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though I may be able to offer some perspective. I assume from your age that your parents and uncles are Gen-X, though they may be millennials. That probably makes your grandma from the baby boomer generation. I (late Gen-X) noticed that my grandparents’ generation (greatest Gen) had the attitude that they should leave everything to their children.
So when they passed away, my parents, aunts, and uncles benefitted from it. My parents’ generation (boomers) seem to be more likely to leave their estate to either charity or their grandchildren, bypassing their own children. A lot of Gen-Xers feel like we’re invisible, so when our parents gained financially from the loss of their parents, you can imagine why a lot of us assumed we’d have the same.
When that doesn’t happen, it reinforces the feeling that we don’t matter. Just to be clear, I’m not looking for sympathy or even suggesting that’s how we should feel. It’s a characteristic of our generation that I’ve noticed and heard others describe. I’m doing fine for myself.
However, it is the right of the person writing their will (assuming they are indeed of sound mind) to choose where their estate ends up afterward. And if their wishes are that you keep it to yourself, that is also their right. Your obligation is to that person, not the rest of the family.
It’s commendable that you did so, especially if you expected that this might be controversial. I am sorry for your loss, and that some of your family have had you questioning whether you are the jerk or not. But no, you are NTJ.” Ant-the-knee-see
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have any obligation to disclose what was told to you in confidence, especially if it would have given your uncle a chance to nag your grandmother to change her bequests. I can understand not wanting to give a gambler access to funds, because he’s likely to gamble it away, even if he was holding the funds in trust for his son.
Uncle John was wrong to expect you to violate your grandmother’s confidence. There is a difference between being told that she wanted to do something and seeing the actual paperwork.” No_Philosopher_1870
