People Tell On Themselves In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting Family Visitors In The Hospital Despite My Husband's Rule?
“My husband and I have 2 children both under the age of 11 and are expecting our third. This one was not planned as we had already decided not to have any more children since our younger child has low-functioning autism. This is relevant.
For my previous deliveries, my husband and I allowed no visitors at the hospital to allow us time to bond with the new baby and allow us some private time.
My husband wants to again have the no visitors rule but since we do have our child with autism, my husband will not be staying the night with me in the hospital and has mentioned leaving at times during the day to check on them and help them adjust. I’ve already been told I’ll have at least a 2-day stay in the hospital.
I mentioned several times since he wouldn’t be staying there with me maybe we should allow a couple of my family members that I’m comfortable with to come by the hospital in case I need the extra help but he’s insistent that no, the rule worked before and we need to stick with it.
So, WIBTJ if I disrespected his rule and told a few family members the visiting hours?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At least in the US, if they’re planning on keeping you longer than overnight, that often means they expect something about the delivery to be rough.
Why on earth would he deny you someone to give you a hand when he’s not there? It would be important for whoever is coming to understand that they’re coming to be your aide at the hospital (and, if desired, to help with the other kids at home), so they’ll only be visiting with you when he’s not there.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like this has been a back-and-forth discussion where you’ve given your preference of “maybe this?” and he’s said “we did this last time, I think stick to this” and you’ve gone “ok”, and then brought it up again later hoping to get a different response.
I say this as someone who does this and is trying to get better about actually just stating what I want and not floating it as a suggestion. Just tell him what you want to do, otherwise, to him it might seem like you talked about it, both gave your reasons and both agreed to stick to how it was before.
I also think it’s unfair of you to call it his rule when you had both decided on it. It makes him sound controlling when actually it was something you both previously agreed to, and only when you’ve changed your mind has it become his rule.
Now if you’ve explicitly said “I am doing this thing” and he says no, then that’s an entirely different story.” Table_Scraps90
Another User Comments:
“ABSOLUTELY NTJ. Looking at a few other people’s comments I have to agree that it would be better to be upfront and tell him that you neither agree with his making rules for you nor the rule itself.
I can totally see how very frustrating this must be. If there’s a chance that it might feel like a betrayal of trust rightly or wrongly that’s pouring unnecessary fuel on a potential fire. Your body, your extremely exhausting birthgiving, your decision. If you want support then you get support.
Your husband is not the one giving birth. You could try having a reasonable conversation with him, you can try reasoning with him or you can also firmly point out just that to him – that rules are never set in stone, parenting shows very well the need to be flexible, you’ve already both changed the plan from last time by agreeing that he and your son will be going home at some time.
Also, if it were me I would be pointing out in one way or another that nobody gets to make rules for you as you are an adult married woman, a parent, and a joint head of a household. It might be worth asking him whatever his opinion is, why he has an opinion about it in the first place, him thinking it over may bring him a little clarity (make him realize that this is not reasonable to put it politely).
Nobody is taking this away from him, just that in real life we sometimes have to compromise and make sacrifices. Maybe someone in your family could film you? Or could someone else who your son trusts take him home once or however many times? Congratulations!” mylifeisadankmeme
22. AITJ For Telling My Mum I Hate Her New Partner?
“My (16f) mother (39f) had been married to my dad (40m) since I was 2 years old, until about 9 months ago.
One day, my dad left and my mum told us they were getting divorced. This came completely out of the blue, they never fought or anything. Then, about two weeks later, my mum introduced me to her new partner (25f). It was not the first time I had met her, as she had previously worked with my mum.
(As far as I was aware prior to this my mum was 100% straight. Obviously, my mum’s sexuality is not an issue).
She then moved in almost immediately, which hit me as bizarre considering that I and my three siblings (13m, 10m & 9m) had known her for less than a month.
Since they’ve been together, they’ve been going out constantly, leaving me babysitting unpaid a lot.
Something in me snapped one day, and I got into an argument with my mum. They’d gone out until three in the morning one day, with no contact.
I had a big exam the next day, and I didn’t get any sleep beforehand because of this. In this argument, I ended up admitting that I hated Mum’s partner and what she was doing to her. She’s perfectly nice, I just don’t like what she’s doing and have a bad feeling.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you need to have a very serious talk with your mum but try to do it when you are not angry. She is a bad parent at this moment. If she refuses to change her behavior, talk to your dad.
Maybe even to her partner, maybe she is unaware of the situation (doubt that since she lives with you but still. If she never had kids it might go over her head). But your mum is seriously wrong here. To clarify, you have every right to be mad at her, but sometimes parents won’t listen to you if you are not calm when you talk to them.
Sometimes they won’t listen either way, but if you want to improve your chances to be heard, try to at least look calm.” cornualpixie
Another User Comments:
“My parents split when I was fourteen and that summer, they both forgot they had kids. Mother was out til at least 1 am many nights and Father was pretty much MIA.
I was already feeling unloved and the sudden burden of being in charge of my siblings and keeping the house running fell on me. No paying of bills, but cooking, cleaning, laundry, and yard work were all mine. They sort of came to their senses, but continued to forget I was still a teen, in need of some parenting.
They were Surprised Pikachu Face(s) when after college I moved to the other side of the country and went low contact. I rarely visit because I do not feel the need to. NTJ.” ScarletteMayWest
Another User Comments:
“A 39-year-old seeing a 25-year-old is in the creepy range.
Seems like your mom is having a midlife crisis and is trying to get a do-over on the early 20s she feels she missed out on as she was in the closet and/or in a relationship with a kid. NTJ. And the new partner is also NTJ as it seems like she could be as much a victim in this as others.
But your mom is a huge one that needs to be checked or this WILL get worse. Next time she abandons her minors without contact overnight (which is what she did) call the police. Get a DCF file started on her to make things easier for your dad to gain custody if he tries to.
Have you reached out to him at all? It’s likely that he is hurting a lot in this situation; finding out that his wife was being unfaithful and was all ready to replace him with her new trophy-girl.” DisgruntledDiggit
21. AITJ For Refusing To Donate To A GoFundMe For A Death That Happened 10 Years Ago?
“My (15F) cousin’s (14F) friend (14F) lost her brother around ten years ago. She lost him in a pool accident, where he drowned and sadly passed at the young age of 3. They were crushed, so much so that after the funeral they moved homes.
Fast forward to now, around 10 years later, my cousin tells me this story, and I’m heavily saddened by it as I cannot imagine losing a child or sibling. However, then my cousin asks if I want the link to the GoFundMe. I am a bit confused as she said it happened many years ago.
I ask her “What’s the GoFundMe for” and she said, “because her brother died.” I’m still confused, as most of the time GoFundMe pages are made for hospital bills, maybe a new house after a disaster, etc. But my cousin couldn’t tell me why they needed this money and what it would be spent on.
I said I would not be donating as they don’t seem to have a reason other than just wanting money.
My cousin was upset, saying I’m insensitive and so rude considering I’ve never lost a family member. However, unfortunately, GoFundMe scams are a thing, so I don’t want me or my family to fall victim to that.
She hung up and texted me saying that I have no empathy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, my dad passed away very suddenly when I was 14 years old (21 now), almost 7 years ago this August. As someone who’s lost a close family member, your cousin’s friend is beyond cruel to expect money because her sibling died TEN years ago.
That alone makes me so mad. I can NEVER imagine taking advantage of people’s generosity because I made an excuse my dad died years ago. Imo, the friend just wants money. No, you’re NTJ. If the friend was using the money to donate to a fundraiser or things that were still needed to pay for her brother, then you would’ve been the jerk.
But since your cousin’s friend is just using their sibling’s death for money, then yeah she is the one who’s a major jerk.” KingPiscesFish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ for not donating and NTJ for explaining clearly why a GoFundMe in these circumstances is ludicrous.
I lost a sibling and a GoFundMe at ANY time let alone a decade later would never have entered anyone’s mind. A GoFundMe is to provide immediate funds for medical care or for funeral expenses. You didn’t say anything rude and your cousin is going to be easy pickings for every scammer if she thinks that giving money based on a death 10 years prior is a valid reason for soliciting money.” Jujulabee
20. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My Brother-In-Law's Plane Ticket If He Doesn't Respond?
“My wife’s (39F) family and I (38M) included have been planning a family trip this winter. In a nutshell, there will be 14 people traveling. We have been looking at just about every booking site trying to find the best deals for our travel plans. We decided that we were going to meet up last Friday to book plane tickets because I found a really good deal.
My brother-in-law (22) lives and works out of town. He said he will go on the family trip, but could not come up last Friday. After booking my wife, kids, and my plane ticket, I went ahead and booked my brother-in-law’s ticket (paid for by me).
Two days after booking the flight, he messages the group chat we have saying he can’t get the vacation time. Granted, at the time of booking, he did not know the date changed from November to December. So I told him, talk to whomever you need to talk to at your job and request the updated travel dates off.
I also told him time is of the essence and to not wait until the last minute. He said that he would talk to his boss on Monday. It is now Wednesday and he hasn’t communicated on the group chat since and I have no idea if he got the vacation days approved.
Would I be the jerk if I canceled his ticket on Friday (2 days) if I don’t hear back from my brother-in-law by then? If I am out of the money I paid for the ticket, then oh well. If I can get the voucher in my name then I will pocket the voucher until he either pays me back or I will use it for myself if needed.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you didn’t communicate with him before doing it. You told him you bought it so why go back on your word? A lot can happen between now and December he’ll likely get the time off and it would not be nice to make the decision for him just out of cheapness.” GardenDivaESQ
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. 1. You changed the date without consulting him. 2. You gave him very little time to arrange his time off. This typically isn’t taken care of in a few days. 3. You didn’t call him for an update when you were getting impatient.
4. You plan on canceling without giving him enough time to make arrangements, without giving him a clear and reasonable deadline, and without discussing the consequences. That’s very unreasonable. 5. I hope you don’t expect him to pay for your voucher. You changed the date without consultation.
He shouldn’t be held responsible for the costs. You’re acting very very unreasonable here and seem to misunderstand the situation you put him in. It almost sounds like you don’t like him and you’re trying to find a way for him not to join.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you don’t communicate with him once more before you do. Plus as it’s a family thing it’s worth making sure your parents-in-law know in case he tries to complain to them about having to adult and buy his own ticket.
“Hey I’ve got a ticket for the plane. It cost Y amount. Can you pay me back by Friday? If not I’ll presume you didn’t get the time off and aren’t coming and I’ll cancel the ticket.”” FriendlyMum
19. AITJ For Asking My 'Brother' To Limit His Partner's Attendance At Family Dinners?
“Would I (23f) be the jerk to ask my “brother” D (23m) to stop bringing his new partner (23f) to family dinner night?
To preface, D isn’t my bio brother or anything. I’ve known him since middle school and my family took him in after high school when he ended up on the streets.
I love him like a brother and he’s, in all but blood (and legally) my brother.
My family has weekly family dinner nights. It used to be the 5 of us (Mom, Dad, S, D, and me.) Last year D started to bring his mother to family dinner.
He didn’t ask or even warn anyone that he was bringing her. I don’t like his mother (she’s a former addict who abandoned D several times in favor of harmful substances. She’s turned over a new leaf and has been sober almost a year I wanna say).
I never really liked her being there, but that’s his mother so none of us was going to kick her to the curb.
This month, D brought his new partner A to meet the fam. She’s alright. Quiet and reserved but nothing bad. Well, after that first night, D has been bringing both of them to family dinner, every week.
My issue comes up here, my mom is not A’s biggest fan (my mom has a dog that used to belong to D. And A continuously talks about taking the dog home with them “because he still technically belongs to D”. Both D and my mom want the dog to stay with mom).
So last week my mom asked me if I could talk to D and ask if he would stop bringing A to every family dinner partly because of the dog thing. But also because she’s not family (yet). D and A have been together for maybe 3 months.
Which is how long my partner and I have been together. I don’t bring my partner to family dinner because he’s not family yet. My mom says they’re both welcome to dinner (A and partner) just not every week which is fine. I just don’t know how to tell D to stop bringing his partner every week without him getting offended (cause he’s a huge drama queen).
Help?”
Another User Comments:
“When one is a guest, one does not invite other guests. D blew it right there, with both mom and partner. Your mom needs to make it clear to D that he is always welcome to attend. But not to invite others without first clearing it with her.
It’s not your job to fix this mess, because you’re not the host(ess). Then it’s up to D to straighten out his mom and partner. He made the mistake, he needs to fix it. Consider it a growth opportunity. And D being a drama queen… that’s too bad.
Ignore it. NTJ. And good luck.” iowaiseast
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you do this because your mom is trying to pass off a responsibility that is hers to deal with. She needs to talk to D about her feelings and expectations about his partner, not have you do it.
Tell her she can either tell D herself or the status quo will remain. She’s the parent and the dinner host here, she’s making it so you and D could potentially be pitted against each other as siblings, and that’s not okay (I don’t care if you aren’t bio siblings, it’s clear you are siblings).” Disneyland4Ever
Another User Comments:
“If the request is from your mom, why are you involved? Also, it would be better if your mom called D and asked him to ask A to stop bringing up the dog seeing as how everyone is in agreement with this arrangement.
It is your mom’s prerogative if she wants to exclude A entirely but if she asks that A stop bringing up the dog and she keeps bringing up the dog, your mom will have a much stronger case. Asking for exclusion as a first step seems extreme and will almost certainly provoke a bad reaction.
NTJ but also not your job.” sucksatchess666
18. AITJ For Expecting My Stay-At-Home Husband To Manage Household Chores?
“We recently moved from the West Coast to the Midwest. My husband and I previously both worked full-time. I got a good job offer in the Midwest so we packed up and moved with our two kids ages 5 and 7.
Before we moved we talked about how whoever got a job first the other parent would stay home until we felt settled. I work full time 5:30 am-3:30 pm m-f.
We have been here about a month and I am quickly realizing that my husband is having a hard time keeping up with household chores.
He has exploded on me multiple times for not cleaning up the kitchen (which is a mess when I come home) or not helping him unpack the moving boxes after work.
On the weekend I help do all the laundry which has been left the entire week and then clean and organize.
On the weekdays I feel tired and don’t think I should have to work and then come home and manage the house. Previously when we both worked full time I would do the cleaning, pay bills, manage the kids, and pretty much manage everything including my husband’s medical appointments.
I really thought things would change because my husband isn’t working but he has found car groups so now he is in the garage or going off with these car group people to help fix their cars. While I am not particularly upset about that I do think the house should be in a clean and orderly manner every day.
Is this too much to ask for?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This just makes my blood boil! That he should slack off and do no cleaning, no laundry, no unpacking of moving boxes, and have the nerve to complain to you! At ages 5 and 7, your kids require almost no care, just general supervision and meals.
It’s not like they are toddlers. But you did everything before your move. That was a terrible mistake on your part. When your kids were small and needed constant care and supervision, you did all that, all the household chores, and more. So your husband is not magically going to learn to pitch in, manage a household, coordinate chores, and solve household management problems. As many commenters have already pointed out.
1. marriage counseling 2. chore list 3. hubby gets a real job and brings in income so you can hire a housekeeper and/or child-minder Don’t keep going like you are. That’s the main thing. Don’t keep expecting him to step up, and don’t fall for the trap of doing it all yourself.
Things need to change for everyone’s best interests.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been the stay-at-home parent, and I couldn’t take care of the kids AND have a meal ready and the house clean at the end of the day. The kids were home messing it up.
Even daycares do their cleaning after the kids go home. And every stay-at-home parent needs an outside interest and a way to socialize with grownups. Otherwise, they go nuts. That said, he should be contributing more than just keeping the kids alive. But I doubt he knows what needs to be done, how to do all the tasks required, and how to organize the work so it’s manageable.
You did everything before. He let you, which tells me he is either lazy or thinks it’s women’s work. Which tells me he grew up either spoiled or sexist, which means no one taught him or expected him to help around the house. I’ll bet he has been overwhelmed by everything he needs to do, and humiliated that he can’t do “women’s work.” He needs to admit that he doesn’t know how to do his job — because managing a house and caring for kids is a full-time plus job.
If he won’t do that, he needs to get a job (and take on half of the work you used to do, including the mental work of figuring out what needs to be done). Either way, he needs to step up. If he won’t do it voluntarily, maybe marriage counseling will help.
Having one spouse at home can be fantastic, because it should mean that when the breadwinner is home, the household stuff is under control and there’s more time for family. But this dude needs to get to work. You are NTJ.” GAB104
Another User Comments:
“Okay, here’s what needs to happen. Your husband is not able or willing to keep up with all of the work he should be doing as a SAHP. It sounds as though he is spending a good portion of the day just messing around instead of doing the things that need to be done.
Tell him that he needs to be getting a full-time job ASAP, and you will hire out the housecleaning and pay for it from both your salaries. Honestly, I’m not optimistic at this point about you being able to persuade him to get a job and go back to work.
It sounds as though he has taken a liking to Easy Street. I would insist on marriage counseling and give him a deadline for finding a job, and if he’s not willing to do either of those things, cut your losses. I guarantee you that taking care of two children will be a lot easier than taking care of 3 children — which is what you are doing right now.” cat-lover76
17. AITJ For Wanting To Force My Mom To Tell My Brother About His Biological Father?
“I (30F) have two younger siblings, (20F) and (18M). They share the same mother as me but have a different father.
When I was 12 my mom left her partner (siblings’ father) of 10 years. My sister was 3 and my brother was 1.5 at the time roughly.
Since they were so young and their father was a horrible person, my mom decided she didn’t want to tell my siblings who their biological father was.
She also moved on pretty quick and was seeing my dad about a year later. This is obviously our stepdad but even when I at 17 changed my last name to his, he walked me down the aisle, my oldest son is named after him, he is a true father.
Basically, my siblings truly thought that our stepdad was their biological dad.
But last year when my sister was visiting overnight, she asked me who her real dad was. I was shocked, I didn’t realize she had a few memories of her bio dad. Blue-eyed and green-eyed parents don’t normally make brown-eyed children, had a feeling that our mom was keeping something from her, a few other things.
So I told her who he was and what he had done. It was really hard for her to have me confirm that our dad wasn’t actually her dad, and to find out what type of person her biological father is.
My brother still doesn’t know.
And I’m sure if I had never told my sister, my mom wouldn’t have told her yet either. There’s just always an excuse why she won’t do it “they’re too young.” “They’re hormonal teenagers.” “I don’t want it to mess him up.” “I don’t want them to treat Dad differently.” To name a few.
Last week my brother was visiting, once again he was saying how he feels like our mom is keeping stuff from him, that he thinks there’s so much stuff we don’t know because our family just keeps everything to themselves. Basically, anyone who was alive before my siblings in our family knows the truth and everyone has kept it quiet.
I’m quite sick of the secrets, he’s the only one that doesn’t know, and I don’t want to have to tell him because it opened up a lot of painful memories for me when I had to tell my sister. Also, he will be 19 in a month.
He currently works at a company that shuts down for a week in summer, it’s coming up right away. So I’m wondering WIBTJ if during his time off I told him “Mom has something important to tell you, go ask her what it is”? I truly think she’s just going to keep making up excuses.
I’m tired of trying to think of things I can say to him when he’s coming to me with questions, I never lie, I just never tell him the truth, it’s really not my place… The reason I would tell him during this break is because he’d have time off to deal with the information, doesn’t need to worry about work.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why do you think “Mom has something important she needs to say” will somehow magically force her to spill the beans when she’s already proven herself a master of excuses and deflections? Just tell her point-blank that if she doesn’t do it, you will.
He’s 19. Literally everyone but him knows at this point. It’s not really her secret to keep anymore, if it ever was.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Can your dad help? Tell your parents that they have questions (they’ve noticed genetic inconsistencies, etc) that it is painful for you to think and talk about, and that you don’t want to be put in that position.
Your parents then need to protect you by being straight with them. You’ve already told your sister – they now have the info to call out any nonsense your mother uses to deflect. It isn’t fair that this is your burden. NTJ.” Puzzleheaded_Mud_231
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You would be. Many people he interacts with will have had a hard time, and he may really need this holiday and to spend it in drama and feeling betrayed and left out and hated instead seems harsh. IMO he should have grown up knowing stepdad was a stepdad.
Finding out this information at this sensitive stage could be very hard for him. Your sister is older, and female. If your parents still haven’t told him in a few years’ time, then revisit it. Perhaps talk to them now so they know to start preparing.
Stepdad may be the best person to tell him as he can reassure.” SoIFeltDizzy
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate My Partner's Untrustworthy Sister?
“My partner’s sister is currently without a home, and after “a bit of drama” with the rest of the other family members, called my partner for help to let her, her son, and her partner that none of us have ever met before to stay the night at our place.
I am already extremely reluctant because the sister is…well, the worst. She’s known to take things from whoever she stays with and stay past her welcomed duration, among a myriad list of other things. Her entire family has tried to help her MULTIPLE times.
But she’s always making bad decisions.
So I told my partner that I am very uncomfortable with her sister staying here, but she can stay, I will probably stay in my game room where I have all my expensive toys so as to prevent any possibility of the sister or her partner coming in and taking things.
But my partner says I need to be on my best behavior and be a nice host to them when they come, and not be all grumpy and stuff, and I told her to not expect more out of me because I’m already compromising as is to let such untrustworthy people into our home.
AITJ for telling her to “not expect more” out of me? Or for not wanting to support her helping her sister who in my opinion clearly doesn’t want to be better and only wants to take advantage of others?”
Another User Comments:
“As a sister of a junkie, NTJ, and at some stage you will have to deal with the issue of your partner being an enabler.
While none of us want our family to be homeless etc, you can’t help those who won’t help themselves. I had to learn that lesson the hard way and it took many many many years, tears, and sadly uplifting of my sister’s child, etc before I walked away.
I have stayed away because my sister is still not able to be a clean person. Stay strong because if you stay in this relationship you will need to be. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. This is what they do, and they will keep doing it and your partner will excuse the behavior every time.
They don’t have remorse because to them they will be able to come up with some justifiable reason it was your fault. Just like this instance.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ‘She wants me to “trust her to not let anything bad happen” in cases like these if she were to help out a family member’.
She can’t promise that – not that doesn’t want to do that but she physically can’t promise that. Sister has stolen from family members already who know her and presumably also expected to not have to deal with her thieving. Dishonest addicts will lie non-stop and not hesitate to do what they feel they can get away with.
Your partner can try to make this work all she wants – but she will be physically unable to stop her sister if she’s determined enough to take stuff behind both your backs. I bet every family member who took them in, and tried to help, also thought that “nothing bad will happen*this time in my home as I won’t let it happen.”” cynical_old_mare
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm, I’m going to go with a VERY soft YTJ. You’re not a jerk for not wanting them there given their history. Nor are you the jerk for not being thrilled about them having to stay there, but I would say essentially telling your partner you’re going to be intentionally rude and unwelcoming isn’t fair to her.
It sounds like your partner is being put in a tough spot—as awful as her sister may be, it’s still her sister and she clearly cares about her. Being cautious by staying in the game room and establishing strict rules and boundaries is fair game, but at the end of the day if you’re agreeing, albeit reluctantly, to having them over you can’t make the situation more tense by being grumpy and rude.
At the very least, it’s really not fair to your partner who was forced into this situation by her family. Be cordial for your partner’s sake. That being said, if they DO stay with you you need to: 1) Establish strict rules with them.
This is where you’re allowed to stay, what you’re allowed to use, etc. Don’t want them there alone? Make it a rule. But be sure to discuss this all with your partner and get on the same page. 2) Know exactly when they’re staying and leaving— absolutely no open-ended stays.
I’m talking here’s your check-in time and here is your strict check-out time. You want to extend your stay, you can pay for it or leave. 3) This might be too much, but if they really do have a history of stealing, I’d install cameras on check bags anytime they enter or exit.” Reddit User
Or DON'T let her bring druggies into your house. Your choice.
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Partner's Birthday Due To Her Transphobic Parents?
“My (23FTM) partner (22F) is celebrating her birthday in their house.
Her parents dislike me (they are conservatives) because I am trans. My partner and I have been together for around 1 and a half years now.
A week ago, my partner had a family reunion (mother’s side) and it was going well, she said, while she was texting me, until her mother outed me to their extended family by calling me by my deadname and telling them that I am a “woman” who has been pumping testosterone to make myself a real man.
My partner got mad when her mother said this and told her it was disrespectful. My partner’s mom didn’t really say anything but continued to be unkind and transphobic.
So my partner invited me to her birthday party next week, and I don’t really want to go because her mom (now followed up by her stepdad) has been transphobic for the past week, calling me by my deadname and acting like it wasn’t offensive.
Her stepdad even posted on social media how his stepdaughter is in a relationship with a (slur) and a woman trying hard to be a man.
I declined her invitation and told her I won’t come unless her parents aren’t there. It’s been a day since I told her that, and she hasn’t replied. I feel really unkind about it, I think I’m being a selfish jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ – First off I’m sorry this happened to you, people are unkind. There’s a huge flag here I want to voice in your relationship where your partner keeps having functions with these transphobic people there who she knows keep harassing you.
You need to not put yourself in toxic, hurtful situations and you’re doing the right thing by not going. If your partner is upset or is pressuring you to go still I’d ask yourself why she is so intent on putting you in abusive and dangerous situations like this.
You are not selfish for not wanting to subject yourself to abuse.” mistresspaigexoxo
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but consider that you may be hurting your partner’s feelings on their special day. Have a talk with your partner to ask how they would feel if you did not come, plus let them know the drama that may be sparked because of their parents.
Keep in mind that your partner is proud of you, cares about you, wants to show you support and show that you don’t need to be intimidated by bigots. Both of you can stand together and stand up to the bigots at the party. Out THEM for their bigotry and show how both of you are above it and the true ADULTS in the situation.
Good luck.” Piclen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That environment isn’t safe. There’s potential for social humiliation in that event since they have done it before. They’re harmful in a real psychological way. It’s possible that your partner hasn’t answered yet because she’s fighting a battle over this, defending you, and likely wants to have a concrete answer before she gets back to you.
It could also be that her access to you has been restricted as a penalty for standing up to her parents. It’s easy to feel guilty over this kind of conflict, but remember that this isn’t on you. You didn’t ask to be hated for something you can’t help.
This is on your partner’s parents. They are being both homophobic and transphobic. It’s their bigotry that’s at fault. Her parents have to learn acceptance and become educated on the subject, both of which are things only they can do by themselves. It’s not something that you can do to them.
It’s a change that can only be done willingly, so it’s on them. Have you tried speaking to your partner since that message you sent her about not wishing to attend unless it’s safe for you?” foodieboricua
14. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Despite My Mother's Disability?
“I’m 24 and living with my mother who is 57. She is a stroke survivor and, a month ago, suffered a second stroke that has left her disabled and requiring a caregiver. While she doesn’t require intensive care, she cannot do things such as drive, cook, bathe, or get dressed without someone present and helping her.
Currently, that person is me.
Previous to this, I had been saving money and making plans with a friend to move out and start a new chapter in my life. I also work full time during hours that would make it difficult to care for her effectively (10 am – 7 pm and 2 pm – 11 pm).
I’m just really conflicted. My mother is an amazing woman and has been the most supportive aspect of my life, but I just don’t know if I can make this my foreseeable future. Every time it crosses my mind, I feel like I’m letting my mother down and feel like a massive jerk for even considering it.
She has told me in the past that she doesn’t want to end up in a rest home. The thought of how she might react if I decide to do this tears me apart and I need an outside opinion. I’ve been stuck in my head for over 2 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“There may be a compromise that will suit you both. I used to work as a home carer. Some of my clients lived alone and needed help with pretty much everything including chores and cooking. Others lived with their families but chose to employ a carer for tasks that they would find difficult or uncomfortable, like bathing or changing catheter bags.
It’s traumatic for a person to feel like they’ve gone from a respected parent to needy and disabled. They’re terrified of ending up in a home, but they don’t want to be a burden on their children. Employing a carer to give you both some respite will help preserve the relationship you have.” mronion82
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Have a good chat with her about this. This is hard for you both, but you can’t properly care for her, and you can’t sacrifice your life to care for her (and this is not a short-term thing). Then, research options.
Are there benefits she could get? Is there some support program (for example, in my home country, social workers care for the elderly and disabled in a program that is heavily government funded, and while this is not ideal and the care can be substandard, it’s still better than nothing and takes a lot from the family’s backs)?
Do you have any other relatives to share this load with you? Do you really need to move out, or can you keep your mom with you with some additional support while minding your own business?” tatasz
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You need help, not some stranger’s opinion.
You need to find affordable resources. For the cost of a rest home, you might be able to get in-home care, especially since she doesn’t need nursing care. There are also tools to make it easier for disabled people to do everyday tasks, day centers, and other help.
With luck, you and she could work out a program that would allow her to live at home and you to move out. Another option is “senior living”. This is usually a small apartment in a place designed for older people with physical limitations. There’s usually a small kitchen as well as a communal dining room.
The vibe is ‘hotel on Miami Beach popular with retirees’. Get more information. You might start by seeing if your county has an aging services department. And talk with your mom. Make decisions together.” Most-Cupcake1846
13. AITJ For Not Sharing My Notes With A Classmate Who Didn't Attend Class?
“2 weeks ago we had our final exam and I’ve spent days to summarise everything we’ve learned in the past 4 years since it was all relevant for the final exam.
Due to personal circumstances, I couldn’t attend many lessons and constantly had to reach out to the teacher or other students in order to collect all the information for the exam. I have a “friend” (not really friends but we do get along and did a few projects this year) and she never attended this class and never tried to reach other people for their notes.
So a few days before the exam she finally reached out to me and basically demanded my notes. I told her no since it was a lot of work but instead offered to help her with studying. She declined and basically accused me of being a jerk.
She then asked a few other students for their notes and none of them wanted to give them to her either since she treated us like dirt most of the time and only talked to us when she needed something.
Fast forward to today: we got our exam results and surprise: she failed. Immediately after she started to cuss me out and eventually she also started to cry.
Of course, people began to stare and asked what was going on. She then told everyone that I was a jerk for letting her fail and that it was all my fault. People then either sided with me or with her and the people who sided with her also called me a mean jerk and that I should get over myself.
I honestly don’t think that I am wrong here since I’ve offered to study with her and I definitely would have given her my notes if she hadn’t treated me like dirt for the whole semester but I am starting to lowkey doubt myself and if I was actually wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she chose not to attend the class and study. You were under zero obligation to rescue her from her poor choices. The fact she blames you for things she should be holding herself accountable for says you did the right thing.
She’s a jerk who expects people to do the work for her. The people who sided with her are delusional and if they feel so strongly maybe they should have let her use all their materials.” saltedcaramelcookie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t put the work in.
She tried to take advantage of other people’s hard work. You offered to study with her, which probably would have been a more effective revision than her just reading your notes and she said no. You’re not responsible for other people’s attitude to their course, or their grades.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t attend class or study – how is that your fault? It is HER fault and only her fault. People siding with her are either her friends or easily manipulated. Don’t give it another thought. If this had been important to her, she wouldn’t have waited until a few days before the exam.” Efficient_Tea_7563
12. AITJ For Getting A Dog Knowing My Mom Is Allergic?
“I (25f) have always wanted a dog since I was a kid.
My mom is super allergic to animals though and so I always knew that once I moved out and was financially stable I’d want to get a dog.
I live with my partner who is just as much of a dog lover as I am and we felt like now was a good time to get a dog.
He’s a freelancer so he’s got a lot of time for the dog and we also have the money now to do so. My mom wasn’t happy about the news though, since she said she can’t visit us anymore without getting allergic reactions. I understand where she is coming from but it’s always been my dream to get a dog since I was a kid and I feel like it’s unfair if I can’t fulfill this dream for the 3 times a year she comes to visit (I moved relatively far away for university when I was 19).
She said I’m putting a dog above her and that I don’t really care about her not being able to visit anymore. So AITJ for getting a dog when I knew she would be allergic to it?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. How allergic are we talking here?
Because while you definitely aren’t a jerk for this, I‘m not sure she’s one either when you say super allergic. Does her allergy flare up when she’s around pet owners or only around the pets themselves? I‘ve lived with cats and dogs for most of my life and while most allergic friends could either visit when the pets were in a different room or at least meet me elsewhere with no issues, I do know some people who actually react to the hair stuck to my clothes if I‘m not careful.
I can totally see a mum being sad if it’s that bad because it might also affect her ability to spend time with any future grandchildren if you’re planning on having kids. Still, no reason not to get a dog at all, just to cut her some slack for her feelings if her allergies really are that severe.” RiverSong_777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is yours and your partner’s house, it is up to you if you have pets or not. “She said I’m putting a dog above her and that I don’t really care about her not being able to visit anymore.” Given the context this is straight-up hypocritical of your mum, she is putting herself above your happiness and not caring about your ability to realize/live a lifelong dream.
Like you said she only visits around 3 times a year, so she could get a hotel. If the allergies aren’t severe, I’m sure she would be able to take medication that would take the edge off and let her visit. She is being uncompromising and selfish.” ZEM14843
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your home your choice. But as a person who is allergic to animals. I don’t go to homes with cats. I can take a pill and I’m good for a few hours, but it also makes me sleepy and therefore not much of a visitor.
In my mind, if you own a cat, I’m essentially not that welcome in your home. If someone knows I’m allergic to cats, and chooses to buy one anyway, they are choosing to not have me in their home. Which is a perfectly good choice if it makes you happy.
You shouldn’t feel guilty, but at least understand that allergies aren’t things people can just will away.” dredditdragoon
11. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Pastries For My Step-Sister's Birthday Party?
“I (16F) picked up cooking as a hobby and got really good at it.
I don’t really do it anymore because it got really tiring and I found myself getting bored with it. My step-sister Kate’s (18F) birthday was two days ago. The day before her birthday my mom and stepdad told me that they wanted me to cook pastries for everybody at the dinner.
I told them politely no.
They were not going to pay me back for the costs of all the ingredients to make the food.
They told me a day before the party and I don’t work well under pressure.
There were a lot of people coming.
My parents and Kate have made it extremely clear that I wasn’t invited to the dinner and will be sent to my dad’s house on the day of her birthday.
Those were my reasons why and I told my mom and stepdad too. They thought that I was bluffing but got really angry in the morning when they saw that I hadn’t even started on the pastries yet.
They ended up having to cancel the birthday dinner. There were family members from different countries who had to cancel their flight because of it. Kate told her friends and some of her family about what happened and I am getting messages on my social media and phone number calling me a jerk and a horrible sister.
I told my mom and stepdad about the messages and they’re saying I put it on myself.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly if this isn’t fake or exaggerated you have the most overdramatic family ever. They canceled the whole birthday celebration because you didn’t make the birthday pastries they expected a student to make by themself and did not even help with the cost of ingredients?
…And some of your family canceled their flight over this? I don’t quite believe this story but if it’s true you’re pretty clearly NTJ.” counting_daisies
Another User Comments:
“Perchance are you in India or, like, Syria? No shade intended, my family is from the Middle East, but I am struggling to find any scenario where (a) adults ask a 16-year-old to cook fancy pastries on her own for a party so important it involves overseas travel and, (b) the food is so critical that a party would be canceled over the lack of these pastries.
Your parents have to be lying to you about relatives canceling their travel to try and make you feel bad about not saying yes. They sound very manipulative to begin with.” trap_shut
Another User Comments:
“So you want us to believe that your mom and stepdad expected you to buy all of the ingredients for the food and make it and then not be there?
Then you also expect us to believe that they just canceled the party because you wouldn’t cook food instead of just going to the store or a restaurant and buying the food? And you expect us to believe that multiple people were flying in from multiple different countries for your stepsister’s 19th birthday and that those flights were arriving the day of her birthday and not the day before so they could be rested for the party?
And you expect us to believe they just canceled those flights and lost the money they paid for those tickets just because the party was canceled? This is one of the biggest loads of crap I have seen on here.” Ranos131
10. AITJ For Asking My Grandparents Not To Smoke Around My Baby?
“I (22F) recently had my baby boy and it was time my grandparents finally meet him, so they invited us over for dinner.
My grandparents each smoke. They are always smoking in their house. I didn’t think of this when we were planning the dinner and so the night before I sent them the following text:
“I’m looking forward to visiting you all but I’m concerned that being around smoke will be bad for the baby’s development.
I was hoping you could smoke outside while we are there, if not I completely understand and you are more than welcome to visit our house.”
They said it was perfectly fine. However, when I got there they were extremely upset and accused me of telling them what they can and can’t do in their own house.
I told them that it’s my baby and my rules so if there’s an issue I’ll simply not bring him over anymore. They didn’t bring it up again.
I didn’t think I was in the wrong until I got home and started getting tons of calls and texts from extended family calling me ridiculous and selfish.
Now I’m starting to feel bad and think maybe I was overreacting. So I’m bringing this to you all. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except for bringing your baby there in the first place. Just because they’re not actively smoking while the baby is there does not mean it’s not still lingering in the air and on every surface.
Your pediatrician will tell you to never do that again. It is a completely unsafe situation to expose your child to. Your family is being ridiculous and you can shut it down by never tolerating smoking or smoker’s environments going forward.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if they smoke that badly in their own home, then as soon as you walked into the house the baby was breathing in the chemicals from the smoke. Unless they have an insanely good air filter, then the chemicals are floating in the air and sitting on things and soaking into anything they can land on.
I would have invited them over and asked them to smoke outside. Because they may have stepped outside to smoke but you didn’t take into consideration everything that was in the air. Mom is a smoker and has been for years, my kids who are all around adults now won’t go into her house or car, because all you can smell is smoke.
You had a right to ask them, but they could have refused as it was their house. As for not wanting the baby around it, sadly it happened anyway when you walked in to visit them. I used to smoke, and if someone walks by me now who had smoked earlier the smell is bad.” Awkward_Joke_5748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When your grandparents were raising your parents, we had a lot less information about how badly children and especially babies are harmed by secondhand smoke. Now we know. Your job is to give your baby the best possible beginning and keep that little wonderlump safe.
That’s what you are doing. I’m 53 and still smoking (yes, it’s stupid) but I do my level best not to inflict it on others – I don’t even smoke in my house because of the way the smell gets into everything and from what you described, the carrier and your diaper bag, and whatever else you brought with you to visit probably collected some of the smell already.
(By the way, a strong OxyClean solution can be used to wipe down objects that smell of smoke, then wipe again with plain water, maybe twice, just to be sure. Safe around children and pets.)” rapt2right
9. AITJ For Helping My Best Friend Escape Her Own Wedding?
“My (F26) best friend Nat (F27) was going to get married this past weekend to her fiancé Rick (M30). They have known each other since they were like 8 or 9 (I don’t remember) and were brought together by their parents.
And you know, they grew up together and went from high school sweethearts to actually being engaged. The thing is that Nat has always wanted to do more with her life, like traveling, partying, and preferring not to have kids; while Rick is nothing like that.
He is more of going to church, “respecting family traditions”, having 4 kids, and all that kind of stuff. They do care about each other but in my opinion, if it wasn’t for her family pressure (her dad) she wouldn’t be marrying him.
I tried to talk to her about her being unhappy but she kept acting like she wasn’t miserable when she completely looked like it.
I kept saying that if she needed a drive-away car, I could always be her pilot. So before her wedding day, we got inebriated, to the state of saying nonsense and laughing about everything. I don’t remember much, but I do recall we were in her hotel room and when she went to her bed she kept saying something about her wanting to go to the beach to eat ice cream so badly (she was on a diet).
I said sure, why not do that instead of marrying Rick, she laughed and said “Yeah” and fell asleep.
The next day we were getting ready, and Nat was so nervous, I tried to calm her down and reminded her that we could always go and eat ice cream, which worked to keep her focused. She was about to tell me something but they took us away (the bridesmaids) since she needed to get ready and we needed to be in our positions, in order to get started. The thing is that we were told that it’ll only take 10 minutes and then we could walk down the aisle.
But they were 10, then 15 to finally hitting the 45-minute mark. So now we were looking for her, I called her and when she finally picked up, she told me that she in fact had gone to get ice cream.
Turns out there is a local ice cream shop 20 minutes away from the church and she went to get some.
I asked if she would be back, and said “Nope, I’m done” and hung up on me. Not sure what to do next, but her dad saw me talking over the phone. It’s not like he could hear me but almost took my phone away to see who I was talking to.
I didn’t say it was Nat but he definitely knew and started a discussion on how I wanted to be with Rick, that I planned all this, complete nonsense. Rick heard the commotion and asked if I could just please tell him where Nat was in order to bring her back and continue the wedding.
I said I just didn’t know. He called me a liar, started crying, left and so did all the guests.
I went to see her and ate with her. The next day her dad shared on social media how much of a jerk I was, that I wanted Nat’s happiness so I ruined the wedding.
My parents have him as a friend and even if my mom believes me, my dad is not looking at me. Telling me that I did them dirty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Isn’t this what bridesmaids are actually for? Protecting the bride? The family probably was just looking for a scapegoat because after ALL this time, they couldn’t imagine that the bride would run away.
Which is understandable. She either never talked about it or she communicated her doubts a long time ago and everyone would just waltz all over her and diminish her feelings and instincts. She probably realized that if she actually married the guy, it would never end.” Griffinsforest
Another User Comments:
“”It’s not like he could hear me but almost took my phone away to see who I was talking to.” He is a jerk. This is the time for a HARD boundary. “The next day her dad, shared on social media how much of a jerk I was, that I wanted Nat’s happiness so I ruined the wedding.” ..
AGAIN, HE is the jerk. You were GREAT to put her happiness over the wedding. Slightly the jerk for lying. You should have told him to talk to his fiancee directly and leave you out of it. But given the situation, your lie was understandable.
“My parents have him as a friend and even if my mom believes me, my dad is not looking at me.” Your parents are jerks, too. YOU were magnificent, and a good friend.” Creative_Trick_3818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can see the big theme here is “oh she’s a good friend” or “oh it’s the parents they’re the problem for pressuring her.” I’m not looking to comment on your loyalty to this runaway bride or your comparable jerkiness relative to others.
In this situation, you are a jerk. First off, instead of encouraging your friend to maturely stand up to the supposed pressure from her parents or be honest with this guy, you intimated that she could always “go get ice cream instead of marrying” this guy.
You helped facilitate the most humiliating and heartbreaking day of someone’s life. You chose to be loyal to your friend and her desire to be a party girl. Fine, cool. But you could have supported her while also holding her to the standard of being an honorable, mature, respectful, empathetic ADULT.
This is childish nonsense.
Maybe my view on how people should act isn’t compatible with where society is heading but frankly, I find the runaway bride to be an immature coward. I’m not saying you’re a bad person; I don’t know you from Adam.
But in this situation, you made a conscious choice (in concert with your friend) that led to the most tragic day in that man’s life. This isn’t about the parents, there were better more mature ways to handle that. Ones that didn’t utterly humiliate the groom on what he thought would be the happiest day of his life.
You and your friend are incredible jerks for how you handled this less than ideal situation and I’m baffled so many people disagree.” EJesus1998
8. AITJ For Scheduling My Surgery The Same Day My Sister Wanted My Mom To Babysit?
“I took the soonest date available for the surgery so that I could just get it over with. Everything was fine until my sister said that it was her anniversary the next day and she asked my mom to watch her kids so she and my BIL could go out and party.
My mom said she couldn’t because I would be needing the house quiet and calm for at least the first day of recovery and it would be a lot with 3 toddlers running around. However, this is the first time in years that my mom has said no to watching my sister’s kids.
This was about 2 weeks ago.
Now I am finding out that my mother is “disgusted and heartbroken” that she had to take care of me and couldn’t have her grandkids over (mind you she watched them the 2 days before & the day after) but since she said no that one day she said that it’s my fault, I am jealous of the time she spends with them vs my kid and I’m trying to separate them.
I feel terrible because I just wanted at least one day to recover but was that too much to ask for?
For context, I/my partner/baby live with my parents & my mom agreed to help take care of me the first few days when I couldn’t care for myself, she did not however want to help take care of my baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for quiet in the house after you recovered from surgery. And it would be odd for anyone to ask you to schedule your surgery around their anniversary. They could have celebrated a different day or hired a babysitter other than your mom.
I am curious why your partner didn’t step up to take care of you and why, since he lives there, you mention that your mom didn’t take care of your child. Wouldn’t your partner automatically take care of your child while you recover? Maybe a soft ESH in this situation now that I think about it.” nothingclever4now
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your sister, mother, and maybe partner are. Where is SO and why can’t they help with you and the child? Also, your sister’s anniversary is no one’s business but her own. It’s not your fault your mom made a promise to you before your sister.
Also, your mom sounds terrible and I hope you can comfortably move out of there asap.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Info: if you need your mom to help you why didn’t you check her dates before calling the Dr? I’ve had a rather disgusting amount of medical issues since having kids, including surgeries.
I am very lucky to have family nearby that can help but I either give them my dates well in advance or I ask them their dates before calling the doctor. And if they are busy we make it work ourselves. Your mother already had plans so I don’t think it’s terribly fair for you to expect everyone else to cancel.
Unless of course the next date was weeks later than the one you took. Put on headphones and white noise. You’ll be so tired you’ll sleep through just about anything. Advice though. It’s a lot easier to stay ahead of your meds than it is to catch up, even if you are feeling better stay on top of your pain meds.
It will help a lot.” ChemicalParfait
7. AITJ For Suggesting My Nephew Give His Twins To My Daughter?
“I (52F) have a nephew (22M) who has a set of twins (2M).
These kids are the result of an affair my nephew had with a college professor (no one in the family knows her). As she was married, she wanted nothing to do with the poor kids, so my nephew had to step up. The thing is that this has affected him a lot.
My nephew is a smart boy who always had the best grades, he used to be the family pride, my mother’s favorite grandchild but unfortunately, he had to miss 3 semesters in college because he needed to get a job and provide for the kids, my sister is now helping him and he could get back to college but his grades aren’t the same as they used to since he still has a halftime job, he is constantly asking my sister to watch the babies.
My sister has even confessed that she doesn’t like the babies because according to her “they destroy her son’s life” (I know, that’s ridiculous) but she still watches them and BIL helps financially until my nephew finishes college.
The thing is that my nephew visited my mother the day before yesterday, and he was telling her that even if he loves his kids, being a single father isn’t easy and he sometimes wishes to have some time alone so I told him that he could give them up to my daughter.
She and her husband have a stable job and don’t have kids, (not because they don’t try).
He seemed upset and didn’t say a word, then he stayed for an hour more and then left, I thought nothing was wrong but my mother said I was a massive jerk for saying it but I don’t think it was that big, I just said it because I care about the kids.
1) My sister doesn’t like them, that isn’t healthy for the kids and they’ll start noticing.
2) Even if he seems to enjoy being a father, he can’t properly provide (at least for now).
Tell me AITJ or is my 75-year-old mother overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait, you told him he should give his children to your daughter…..without any input from your daughter even? And she and her husband are trying to conceive, but are not even trying to adopt right now? WTH? YTJ. I don’t know how you thought this would possibly end well, and I would buckle up for round two when your daughter and son-in-law find out you tried to volunteer them to raise someone else’s twins like this.” ThisIsMyFatLogicAlt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is a big difference between wishing for a bit of time to yourself and not wanting kids. Your sister not liking them is not important to this situation. She did not birth them. She can choose to be a grandmother or not, and it shouldn’t have any bearing on his choice to be a father.
Unless he has discussed wanting to give them up, it shouldn’t be brought up. They are his children, he loves them. He might be struggling to provide for them, but so are millions of parents. If you are worried about the kids, I would suggest babysitting rather than volunteering your daughter to take them without any indication that he wants to give them up let alone if she wants to adopt them.
This doesn’t even get into the “used to be the family pride and grandmother’s favorite.” That’s pretty messed up too. He had children. He didn’t murder someone. I would hope your family’s love, support, and approval isn’t contingent on his performance in school and/or his career.” aMUSEingNugget
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can see your train of thought, but you suggesting to just “give them up” to someone else is making them sound like objects. You can’t just give children up because it becomes difficult. I think you could try to offer your support.
Offer to babysit if he wants some alone time. In regards to your sister not liking them, she needs to grow up. They didn’t destroy anyone’s lives, they didn’t ask to be born. Somebody needs to have a talk as well because you’re right these children will definitely feel this bitterness someday.” ClubGroundbreaking85
6. AITJ For Blaming My Best Friend's Coworkers For Leaving Her Intoxicated And Alone?
“My best friend (37F) went out with coworkers after work.
She called me at 11 pm asking me to pick her up because she’d had too much to drink. I’m an hour away. Asked if she had options. No. OK, I’ll come get you.
I find her asleep in her car. Car running. Parked outside a bar.
It took forceful knocking on the window to wake her up. I help her into my car and drive her home.
The next day I drive her back to get her car. I went off on her friends. I said someone should have stayed with her.
She said she told them I was coming so they could go.
I said…no…you were alone, had too much to drink, asleep in your running car. That was dangerous, one of them should have stayed with you, they are NOT your friends.
Huge argument ensues.
So…is she right that it was totally fine for all her friends/coworkers to leave her like that? Or am I right for thinking at least one should have stayed with her until I got there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and depending on where you live, keys in the ignition with a heavy drinker at the wheel is enough to garner a DUI.
Not to mention she had the engine running which seems like she was in autopilot and probably would have tried to drive had she not passed out. You are a good friend, not so sure she is though. Her drinking buddies are just that. ‘Drinking buddies’.
Once the booze runs out or it’s last call they leave. They aren’t interested in babysitting a fellow heavy drinker.” Jintess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but does this nearly 40-year-old woman not understand how to either regulate her drinking or use Uber/Lyft? This is extremely immature behavior on her part and for her to rely on calling a friend at this point demonstrates her lack of self-management.
Good on you for helping her but she needs a harsh reckoning to see how she needs to get her stuff together and find better friends as well as get her drinking under control.” Raggmommy
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been all the people in this story at different moments in my life and I’m going to go with No jerks here with an asterisk stating that we need more info to judge.
Mainly I’d like more information that only your friend can provide: was everyone else out that night also had too much to drink? Did they all call an Uber together and invite your friend along before she told them she had someone picking her up?
Was anyone sober enough to realize how heavy your friend was drinking? Why couldn’t she call herself an Uber? Has this or something like it happened before? There’s a version of this where your friend is a huge jerk. There’s a version where everyone stinks.
There’s a version where you’re super NTJ and are completely correct and justified. And the reverse of each of those could also be true.” stokeworth
5. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Coworker's Insensitive Cancer Joke?
“I (26F) just found out that my mom has stage four breast cancer and that it’s advancing rapidly and she needs a year of chemo. I was talking with one of my bosses because their mother is also undergoing chemo and just getting advice and asking questions about some of her medications when he asked what stage she was at.
I informed him then my coworker overheard and I guess she didn’t know I was talking about my mom and said “Stage four breast cancer, all they need is substances and to get a casket ready.” I know she wouldn’t have made the joke if she knew it was about my mom but still, we work in the healthcare field and a patient who does have cancer could have heard her or worse.
The reason I’m torn is because she’s on probation and is fighting for custody of her kid. If she loses her job I could ruin her life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and report her comment. You wouldn’t be ruining her job because if she gets fired, it’s due to her own actions and words.
Can you imagine the damage she will cause if a patient with cancer hears this? Or family of someone with cancer, who is fighting one of the hardest battles in the world? If she makes these crass remarks without any awareness of her surroundings, you can bet she’s already dropped similar remarks around patients and has undoubtedly hurt them before.
Report her for the comment before one of her patients, who already is suffering, overhears this comment. She’s not fit to work in the healthcare field.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“In the medical field, these jokes can be devastating to others that overhear it. If she has not done this type of thing before then it’s important to take her to the side and discuss it with her.
Unfortunately, if it continues you have to go to the medical board. I’m not sure how it works if you are in the US but in England, we have the UCAT exam and there is a section on how to deal with these circumstances. Just make sure that your judgment doesn’t get clouded in the future with her making these remarks as it can have serious implications to the wellbeing of other patients NTJ.” Loose-Theory2551
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’ve heard plenty of gallows humor amongst healthcare workers BUT you should tell her that it was your mom and how that made you feel. Imo, I don’t think it’s enough for a HR call unless she keeps being a jerk and making more insensitive remarks after you’ve cleared the air.
She’s on probation for a reason and probably has similar write-ups like this in her file. If you do end up reporting her and she gets fired, it’s because she talked trash and got trash on in return.” Ahsiuqal
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend For Revealing My Child's Paternity To My Ex's Family?
“I have a 2-year-old son with my ex. He was honest and told me he didn’t want to be a dad and that he believed he was too selfish to be a good one.
We came to an agreement, I would have the baby and he would help me financially but I wouldn’t expect anything else from him.
My friend Nancy, who is a close family friend of my ex’s, recently wouldn’t stop asking me if my ex was my son’s father since he looks like him.
Only my family knows he is, and I wasn’t going to tell her at first but Nancy is one of my best friends and I thought I could trust her. I asked her not to tell anyone as I didn’t want it to be public knowledge.
Despite agreeing not to, she ended up telling not only my ex about me supposedly hiding his baby from him but also his entire family. It’s caused a lot of issues and my ex’s family have a lawyer threatening to take my son away from me.
My ex’s family are influential and I can’t afford to fight them in court so I’m genuinely terrified of them.
Nancy tried to apologize to me after my ex told her he had always known about our son. I was so angry and upset that I just yelled at her until she left. I told her she was a jerk and that she had ruined my life.
Nancy has been getting sympathy from some of our mutual friends who think I was too harsh since she thought she was doing the right thing by telling my ex, who is like family to her, that he had a child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You and your ex made a decision between the two of you that you both feel is best for your child and yourselves. If she truly felt concern for your child and believed you were hiding this child from him she would have only told him, but instead, she chose to air your personal situation to his family.
Sounds like her goal was to start drama.
You and your ex should go to court ASAP and establish a court-ordered arrangement where he agrees to pay child support, and to whatever visitation arrangement you two agree with. The judge does not have to make an arrangement for you if you two can agree to the terms of the parenting plan.
This way the family will be less likely to try and take your son (if at all.) your ex should also deal with his family in this situation, and explain to them that he already knew and you two already made arrangements.
As for the friend, and the rest of the group, I would just send a final text/email that when you confide in someone, their recourse shouldn’t be to expose you to everybody.
When they prove they don’t respect your privacy and violate your trust, you have no need for them in your life any longer. Express that arrangements had been made between the parents and things were peaceful, but she single-handedly brought strife into not only your life but your child’s life as well and that’s not the kind of “friend” or influence you want or need. She could have asked you if he knew, but chose not to.
She could have approached him privately but chose not to. She wanted to look like a hero for exposing you but there was no good deed done that day.” apfreckles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Forget Nancy. She isn’t your friend. She broke your trust. She set fire to the whole situation.
She didn’t just discreetly tell your ex about the baby. If she had done that, he could have told her it’s ok and to stay out of it. She told his whole family and started all this drama. You aren’t being too hard on her.
She didn’t just inform him, she did the thing that would cause the most damage. She told everyone and now you are fighting to keep your child. Hopefully, your ex can stand up to his family and you guys can keep your original agreement.
Forget Nancy though, she would be dead to me. Good luck.” d5509
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a jerk, meddling drama queen. She’s not your friend and you had every right to be even harsher. Single parenting is so hard, especially when they’re young. She made you out to be petty and selfish while you’re doing quite possibly the most selfless thing you could do by taking on solo parenting and respecting your ex’s desire to not be a father and not have involvement.
She’s now ruined the arrangement that was working for all of you and introduced a large amount of stress, plus an entirely new future to navigate. She should publicly (including to friends and family) take responsibility, apologize for her actions, and promise to mind her own business going forward.
I’d then cut her out completely and refuse to even talk to her ever again. Your ex should handle his family and the two of you should get your preferred arrangement in writing.” SlothPear
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Stepmom Over Her Comments About My Weight And Eating Habits?
“My stepmom is very much into health and fitness, works out 5x a week, does the fasting, the whole deal, what annoys me is that she won’t stop making comments to me about my body or what I’m eating. I’ll hear “oh my those look snug” or “are you sure that’s the best thing to eat?”
She’s only been married to my dad for 3 months. I’m a 16F and I’m roughly 210 and 5’5. A few days ago, I mentioned that I was going out with friends to dinner and then to hit a movie. Rather than “Have fun, bye,” she decides to tell me that if I’m going to dinner, I really should skip the popcorn at the movie.
I asked her what she was getting at telling me this, she said she just wanted me to make a healthy choice. I went, had dinner, got popcorn at the movie, and came home. When I mentioned later that I’d gotten snacks at the movie, my stepmom poked my gut, patted my rear, and said I was “just getting heavier and heavier” if I continued this.
I reminded her that it was one night and yelled at her to leave me alone.
I heard her tell my dad that I was being a “drama queen.” My dad took her side and said it was not just going to be an “overeating summer.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a mom to a now 21F. I myself am a pretty healthy eater and vegan, HOWEVER – when my kids were small, I fed them a variety of foods so they would grow to know what THEY liked and disliked (including meat.
I didn’t feel it right to impose MY choices on them). That said, I did feed them lots of fresh fruits and veggies. We had “healthy” snacks but they were allowed ice cream, soda, etc. Once my kids were teens, I felt like they were old enough to make their own choices, even if said choices were not what I would have chosen.
As a young girl growing up with social media, you have more than enough stuff to deal with. A trusted adult in your life shouldn’t be adding to that pile. Her heart might be in the right place, but she’s going about it all wrong.
You are old enough to make your choices. I think you are also old enough to have an adult, heart-to-heart with her, and tell her how her words make you feel. Keep it factual and try not to let your emotions get the best of you.
I wish you luck, young lady.” paidauthenticator
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go out on a limb and say everyone’s a jerk here. Your stepmom for making nasty comments and poking you. Your dad for not supporting you and, I hate to say it, but a soft one on you for not taking charge of your health.
I say that because I spent decades being way overweight. I wasn’t unhealthy for the most part, but it really caught up to me later. It’s a decision only you can make. Mine came later in life, but I hope that you do it earlier.
I know everyone is into not body shaming, etc and honestly, I’m not. If you can look in a full-length mirror and think you look awesome, go for it. I can only relay personal experience and wish the best for you.” mastimama0722
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. She was unnecessarily rude about your weight but you are blind to it. People who are obese when young very rarely get to a healthy weight as adults. If your father is your only parent I can see why she doesn’t want the expense and physical hardship of having to take care of you when your weight inevitably catches up with you.
I’ve seen far too many “My 600 lb life” episodes… You will only be not a jerk if you get a job, move out, and get your own insurance when you come of age. Once you fully support yourself financially and physically, do whatever the heck you want.” Reddit User
2. AITJ For Calling A Parent Entitled For Criticizing My Drop-Off Routine With My Autistic Child?
“Our drop-off line in the mornings at my kid’s elementary school is annoyingly long and slow. This one mom (“Nadia”) complains constantly about “rude” parents who hold up the line.
Nadia’s biggest complaint is about parents who “waste time” by helping older kids out of their cars/walking with them to the school monitor.
My kid is autistic (but in mainstream class, so not super obvious to those who don’t know me well) and I help him out and walk him daily due to his anxiety.
Nadia sees this daily and she was clearly making passive-aggressive remarks about me. I told her that her views are very entitled and that she doesn’t understand that the parents who help their older kids out of the cars/walk with them generally have a reason for doing so.
The vast majority of 5th and 6th graders aren’t exactly eager to be seen having their parents helping them with their backpacks or walking them to a school monitor. If parents are helping them, it’s not because we are intentionally coddling them or ignoring others in the drop-off line.
Nadia said she “wasn’t talking about the disabled kids” and then abruptly changed the topic. She’s been telling other parents that I’m incredibly rude for calling her entitled. Was I the jerk for calling her that?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – park your car in the lot and walk your kid to the school monitors.
YOU are the entitled parent who has no consideration for anyone in the drop-off lane. The drop-off lane is for students who are easily able to get themselves unbuckled & able to get out of the car by themselves and walk to the school monitors without assistance.
If your child needs assistance with carrying something or getting something out of the trunk or your child cannot get into school by themselves then the rules state that you need to park your car in the available lot and help your child. The drop-off area is not the spot for you to park your car to help your child!
You are impeding the flow of traffic and causing other children to be late because you feel entitled to use the drop-off lane as your “Personal Parking Spot”!!! I don’t care “how quickly you think you are” in accomplishing this – YOU ARE the entitled jerk & not your friend!” Less-Quality6326
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nadia clearly stated she was not aiming this comment at parents with disabled children but clearly, you felt attacked for some reason. Also maybe this should be brought up at a PTA/Board meeting. There should probably be a different line for students who require extra time and assistance since it is a “drop off” line.
In the same way you expect others to be understanding and accommodating, you could also stand to be more thoughtful before you automatically call someone entitled. After all, it is still a “drop off” line which is probably touted as being more “convenient” for parents which sets the expectation that it should be a quick process and you can’t blame others for expecting it to be so.
Once again, this sounds like a PTA/Board issue.” Same_Head4086
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Why do you need to drop your kids off at school – are their legs broken? Most kids are perfectly capable of walking to and from school if it is in their neighborhood.
My generation did it and I am not that old (hopefully). Kids in other countries walk to school from grade 1. Maybe young kids I can understand. but 10-year-olds are perfectly capable of navigating the world – at least drop them a few blocks away and give them some independence.
There is almost zero chance of your kids being kidnapped or attacked..they are more in danger when they are driving with you than when they are walking to school!” Funny_Jellyfish5632
1. AITJ For Speaking Polish To A Customer At Work?
“I (19m) am black and 100% Nigerian.
However, I made a friend who just so happened to be from Poland last year. I have an affinity for languages (I speak 4) and decided to learn Polish because of how much I enjoyed the language. I’ve so far received nothing but support and praise, especially from other Polish people, with the occasional “that’s such a random language.
Why would you learn that if nobody speaks it?” or “why don’t you channel that focus into Spanish?”
Again, this was never a problem, until today. I work at, let’s say, Bed Bath & Beyond. An older lady who must’ve been in her mid-late 50s, or possibly 60s came to my register with a coupon.
I noticed her very Polish first and last name on her coupons, as well as the fact that it seemed like she was struggling to communicate with me. So I switched to Polish. This was a mistake. She got very offended and told me (translated) “I don’t need you to speak Polish for me!
Do you think that I don’t speak English well?”
I was very shocked by this reaction because usually, people are glad to be understood, even if that means switching languages. I apologized and awkwardly finished the transaction. But instead of leaving afterward, she found a manager and complained about me offending and speaking down to her.
Of course I got verbally reprimanded. I asked some of my other coworkers and they seem to have some mixed reactions.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. When working in retail as a multi-lingual person, you will learn pretty quickly that not everyone is going to like it when you address them in another language, or more importantly, their native language.
Some won’t have an issue with it and like it, while others will see it as an insult. Much as happened here, it presents the impression that you’re suggesting they either don’t speak English well enough to communicate, or they’re not smart enough. As a general rule of thumb, only speak another language if asked to.
As in if someone approaches your register and is flipping through a Polish to English phrasebook (in your situation). That or you’re directly asked to translate for someone. In all other cases, you’re better off just sticking to your company’s script for sales, and not adding anything extra (language or otherwise).
Consider this a learning experience, and move forward with it.” kibufox
Another User Comments:
“I live up near the Canadian border and when I used to work retail we got a ton of customers from Quebec. Often times they didn’t speak English and had a hard time communicating.
Although my French is limited to basic conversational French not much past college freshmen level, I would always jump in and help them if my coworkers were having a hard time understanding when they were asking for things like different clothing sizes and price questions.
They ALWAYS appreciated it and were very gracious even though my interpretation of their language was broken with a heavy American accent, and I never received any pushback. My guess is that with this particular lady, you somehow struck a nerve which you had no way of knowing about.
I’d say NTJ because I know I would’ve done the same thing if I were in your position.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I’m guessing you don’t live in Poland and that she’s also an immigrant where you live. Since she’s older she may have some kind of hang-up about people talking down to her about her English ability – immigrants are often met with xenophobia (as a Nigerian, I’d guess you are familiar with this, and how it extends to racism too – but I don’t want to assume your experience, so feel free to correct me).
I think leaving it in awkward silence was a mistake (although I understand why), had you explained you were simply learning the language and were excited to practice it, she may have softened. But you left the silence, which means she thought she was right in her accusation.
Of course, you did nothing wrong. But maybe in the future, you could ask in English first whether they’re Polish and explain that you are learning before initiating a conversation. Also – congrats on your status as a polyglot! It’s a very useful skill. You’re doing the right thing capitalising on your aptitude for language acquisition!” Large-Mail5946
