People Get Tangled Up In These "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Declining A Disabled Woman's £300 Offer For My Snake?
“Today, I had a disabled (blind) woman and her husband come to my house to buy one of my birds. She really loved the snake, though, and asked if £300 was enough. She was really, really nice to us, and I said, “No, no, that’s way too much!”
After she left, my sister started screaming at me that I’m stupid and that she hates me.
I don’t understand since she wouldn’t even get any of the money… It’s all mine. So it’s my decision on how much I want to sell it for.
I’m really upset now and crying. She’s still shouting at my mom how stupid I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your business and she has no reason to be in it. My guess is she wanted that money for something and was gonna try and “borrow” it.
I put that in quotes because the way she is acting makes me think she wouldn’t pay you back.” Sfarsitulend
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thank you for being a nice person. We need more of you great humans running around. Sister question aside, as a disabled older lady myself, my pet has saved me from days filled with depression.
You are a wonder.” LongNectarine3
Another User Comments:
“INFO, this story makes no sense. How much is the snake worth? If it’s less than $300, then did she offer you less and did you sell the snake? What kind of snake was it? If she bought it, how did she take it home?
What if the snake eats the bird? I have so many questions.” disruptionisbliss
21. AITJ For Snapping At A Man While Playing Pool?
“My husband found a neighborhood dive bar with a pool table. I don’t drink much, but I like pool and we haven’t played in a long time. I’m not good at it.
But it’s fun.
So he hints around that he wants to go out, and after some back and forth, he asks if I want to go to the bar. (Honestly, at first it seemed like he didn’t want me to go, and I was okay with staying home.) Anyway, I agree and we head out.
It’s not far away, and I even commented that I could be the designated driver. For some reason, that seemed to make him uncomfortable, but he brushed it off and off we went.
So I order my one drink, he gets his beer and some quarters, and we play some pool.
Somewhere around the second game, an older guy at the bar starts critiquing my game, telling me which ball to shoot for, etc.
By the time we’re into the third game and he’s making his helpful suggestions, I stop and ask him (verbatim), “Excuse me, if you were playing, would you like someone to tell you how to play?” He took a second, said, “No, but you’re bad at it.” I said, “I know,” and took my shot.
Pretty tame? At least I thought so.
My husband asked what I said to the guy, so I told him… and he was upset! He said I shouldn’t have been rude. We finished that game, I lost again, and he wanted to leave.
He said I was rude, the guy was intoxicated, and I should have ignored him, that we were there to spend time with each other and not get into a bar fight.
I said I was sticking up for myself and I think it’s despicable that he’d be mad at me for that. I don’t need him to stand up for me, and nobody was having a bar fight… But taking a stranger’s side over mine, calling me RUDE (I don’t think I was rude) and really picking a fight with me makes him the jerk.
What do you think, internet strangers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why was your husband OK with a stranger trying to tell you how to play, and angry when you (politely) let him know you weren’t interested in his critique? I’m intrigued by what you said about ‘at first it seemed like he didn’t want me to go.’ Do you think that’s connected to his anger with you when you spoke back to the stranger?
It seems like there’s another issue here.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband said you should’ve ignored him but you did. For over a whole game. How long were you guys planning on staying? How long did your husband expect you to just ignore this dude?
You weren’t rude, you weren’t about to start a bar fight, you didn’t yell or insult him. You calmly and politely pointed out that he wouldn’t like it either and that you just wanted to have fun and please stop. I agree with others that your husband probably didn’t want you to come with him, but if that’s the case he should’ve just said so.
Did you tell him it was okay if he wanted you to stay home? Not your fault if you didn’t because it’s still on your husband to tell you, but I was just curious. But yeah, that guy was a jerk. Your husband shouldn’t be angry at you.
And good on you for standing up for yourself. I think you handled the situation beautifully, IMO.” XOXOKitana
Another User Comments:
“I’m conflicted. I totally get where you’re coming from. However, I have had women I was with come close to getting me into a fight because they didn’t seem to get that what they were doing was going to create a problem, not for them but for me.
So, not being there, and not knowing y’all’s relationship, I can’t really say. I will say that, while it’s freaking messed up, situations like that can end up with the husband/partner/date forced into an altercation, and it sucks to be in that position.” DFWPunk
20. AITJ For Getting Mad At A Dog Owner Over A Lost Ball?
“I recently moved to a new community with a beautiful, large dog park. It’s the only dog park in town, but more than enough for my Keeshond and golden lab.
I usually go to the park three to four times a week, both to help socialize my dogs and to get the lab to burn some energy.
She absolutely loves playing fetch. So, I throw the ball for her. She will always bring it back and drop it at my feet.
Now, sometimes another dog gets it. That’s fine. I either wait for their owner to get it back from them, or I will try to get it myself.
On a particularly bad day, I needed a break from work so I took my lab to the park. I put my headphones on and threw the ball. Unfortunately, another dog got it.
Its owner then came over, laughed, and told me that their dog never gives toys back.
In fact, they love to destroy them.
I was not in a laughing mood, but I get it. So, I waited for them to get the ball back. Instead, they walked to a bench, sat with their friends, and ignored their dog.
So, I ran around in the snow, trying to get the ball back while the owner watched and laughed. Finally, I gave up, watching as the dog destroyed the ball, and now I’m sitting in my car, freaking seething.
I know it’s just a ball, but I’m freaking furious. It was supposed to be a time where I could let off steam and let my dog run off some energy.
I know it’s ridiculous. But I’m down a ball.
Am I just being a jerk here?
I get that I’m overreacting a little and I was having a bad day, so that could be it.
And would I be the jerk if I asked the owner to give me a new ball?”
Another User Comments:
“This does sometimes happen at dog parks.
Is it really worth getting into a conflict with another dog owner over this low-cost item? Did you ask them to retrieve the ball? It’s not clear from your post; I understand how irritating it is when other dog owners appear to be unwilling to manage their dogs, but your level of angst is quite high over this, and it doesn’t sound like the other party deliberately ignored or disrespected you.
Maybe be wary in the future of throwing the ball when that dog is around, and let them just play together, perhaps. It would be a shame to let this one incident rob you and your dog of the joy of going to the park and the opportunity for social experience for your dog – and you.
I’ve met some lovely people at our dog park.” au5000
Another User Comments:
“I think this is an ESH situation. Most people have covered it – the other dog owner sucks for not doing anything to get your ball back from her dog, absolutely. She sounds like a pretty uncaring pet owner.
But you also suck for not expecting this sort of thing to happen at a public dog park. If you want that private space, get a house with a bigger yard. If that’s not an option, bring some backup balls with you, and get ready to leave if things don’t go your way.
Jerks exist everywhere, and sadly, you can’t force them to do what you want. But keep an eye out for her next time and maybe try to figure out when she’s usually there so you can avoid her destructive animal.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Don’t bring toys to the dog park if you aren’t willing to lose them. There’s a threshold dogs/owners should meet to go to the dog park, primarily not having aggression issues. But taking other dogs’ toys is certainly not a disqualifier.
I also don’t think dog owners, especially of young, energetic dogs, should have to have great recall of their dogs to go to a fenced-in park. Basically, the other dog owner should feel obliged to chase his dog around to get your toy. I generally bring my dog to non-fenced dog parks (or non-fenced areas where dogs are allowed off-leash) specifically because you tend to find way better-behaved dogs (and better dog owners) there.
But I didn’t hit that capability until my dog was about 6-7 years old.” in48092
19. AITJ For Not Helping My Pregnant Friend Move After Just Having A C-Section?
“My (28F) very heavily pregnant friend needed help moving apartments, and my other friends (also F) offered to help pack and carry some things to the removal van.
The weekend of the move came, and she told us that the man helping her move would not be there because he had injured himself. This left my other friends and me to carry heavy boxes down flights of stairs and up a steep driveway to the van.
She also expected us to move her king‐size bed.
I absolutely did not want to do this, as I have just given birth and am still recovering from a traumatic C‐section. We told her nicely that we couldn’t help because it seemed impossible for us to move these items. We gave her the contacts of removal vans and people who could help her, and even offered to pay because money is an issue.
She ghosted us for a few days after this and didn’t bother replying to our messages.
A few things have happened since then that make me want to remove myself from this friendship. For example, when we threw her a baby shower, she showed up one hour late and didn’t properly thank us for paying for the baby shower and hosting it at my house.
I gave her a bunch of baby items and went through the trouble of dropping them off at her house, yet she didn’t bother saying a proper thank you.
AITJ for not helping her move? And for wanting out of this friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m willing to bet she never had someone arranged to help her move and was always going to rely on your friend group to do it for free. She sounds like a rude, ungrateful person who takes advantage of her friends and has no respect for their time or effort.
Plus, you offered to pay for another removalist, and that wasn’t good enough, either. If she refused that generous offer, that’s her problem. Also, why on earth did she expect you to help her so soon after your birth, and why did you agree to even carry heavy boxes for her?
Usually, you aren’t even allowed to lift a baby for weeks after a C‐section, let alone help someone move house! She might be heavily pregnant, but you could have ripped open a major surgical wound.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“Not at all a jerk.
You are in no physical condition to move much of anything, having just had a C‐section yourself, and nothing about this move was easy for anyone—down lots of stairs, up a steep driveway, heavy items, etc. Your “friend” made a lousy decision to move while heavily pregnant—surely a bit of prior planning could have prevented this?
You and your friends provided contact information and offered to fund professional movers, and she ignored you. She hasn’t even acknowledged the baby items you very generously gave her. And she showed up AN HOUR LATE to her own shower!?!? Walk away from this lady.
You have neither the time nor the interest in being treated like this.” mumtaz2004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the first part, after a C‐section, you should not do a single thing (involving carrying or similar) for at least six months, let alone moving a bed!
You do not need to explain yourself to anyone, and definitely not to your friend. A true friend can understand this and should not even put you in a situation where you need to think about this. As for the second part, if you threw a party for someone or did a favor from the heart, you should not expect thanks and rainbows.
You are not doing it for the image. I can understand that maybe she is a little bit irritating, and that is what actually bothers you. Do not search for the reasons; you already have enough to leave that friendship, even without something else.” The_Sassy_Melon
18. AITJ For Demanding A Simple 5-Second Coffee Ground Clean Up?
“I (24f) am a stay-at-home mom and I regularly do chores such as dishes. My husband (27m) makes himself coffee every morning using a reusable pod in our Keurig. He will take out the old pod, place it into the sink without dumping out the coffee grounds, and proceed to make his fresh coffee.
His reason for it is that he is rushing to get ready for work in the morning. I have asked him politely in the past to please dump out the coffee grounds before placing it in the sink. He has always said he would do better, but that day hasn’t come.
This has been happening for months.
I casually mention it a couple of times during the week, and he apologizes. But today, I got stern about it and expressed my frustration. He told me I was overreacting and that “it only takes an extra 5 seconds for you to dump it out before doing dishes.” This then led to a petty argument.
It isn’t really the coffee grounds that bother me, but rather the lack of promise-keeping from him. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My ex and I went round and round about something similar. After our first child, he would leave his trash in the living room at night.
So, in the mornings, I would have to pick up any trash/food he left before I could set the baby down. It was annoying and frustrating, and I communicated to him multiple times and in multiple ways to stop. He always ‘forgot.’ Then I got pregnant again, and I just didn’t feel like bending over and continuing to pick up after a grown man.
His response was the same as your husband’s: I was overreacting and it only takes 5 seconds, so why can’t I just do it? It’s not going to get better. He resents you for asking, or he’s going to resent you for ‘making’ him do it.
He’s entitled and he feels his time is more valuable, and now you’re the nag for expecting your husband to clean up after himself like a normal, respectful human being.” millennialmom87
Another User Comments:
“One of my favorite articles addressing exactly this is about a guy whose wife divorced him ‘because he left dishes by the sink.’ In the end, it isn’t about the dishes.
It is that you have asked him to do something, and every single time he doesn’t, it shows that he isn’t considering your request or feelings. When you live with anyone — roommate, partner, family, friend — there will always be things you need to do to make the other more comfortable.
We all have our little quirks, and a healthy living arrangement will try to accommodate those that are reasonable. Since he hasn’t specifically said that he does it to let them dry or to recycle the grounds, it is obvious he is just disregarding your requests.
I would go the route others have suggested and just stop cleaning it up. If he still leaves it, ‘throw’ the darn thing out (aka clean it and store it away, lol). He will learn. NTJ, by the way!” SeorniaGrim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s telling you that he doesn’t value you in order to avoid doing something that takes 5 seconds.
Also, by his logic, if it’s only 5 seconds, then why not do it himself? No one is so busy that they can’t take 5 seconds to do that. What would take 5 seconds for him doesn’t necessarily take 5 seconds for you. Because he’s already there, right by the pod in the sink, it’s very easy to just rinse and chuck it.
However, for you to do it, you’re not standing right by the sink like him. You’d have to realize he didn’t wash it out, go into the kitchen, go to the sink, and then rinse it. Sure, it wouldn’t add that much time — just pointing out that while it’d take him 5 seconds to do it, it wouldn’t take you 5 minutes in that situation.
At the end of the day, it’s not even about exactly how many seconds it would take. It’s about a spouse refusing to do even the smallest of favors for their loved one. And I don’t even like calling it a favor. He’s not doing a favor for you by doing this; he’s simply fulfilling his grown-up, adult-man responsibility of cleaning up after himself.
It’s not okay that even after you’ve asked him many times — from nicely to more pointedly — he’s promised change but never done it. It’s almost worse that he said he’d get better at doing it but then never did, getting your hopes up for nothing.
He’s telling you that he doesn’t value you enough to listen to you and do this. I wonder if there are any other situations in your life or marriage that have a similar dynamic… I wouldn’t be surprised if there are.” Crippled_Criptid
17. AITJ For Visiting My Ex In The Hospital Against My Fiancé's Wishes?
“I (25F) have been with my fiancé (31M) for a little over 3 years. One of the very first conversations we had about boundaries, expectations, etc., when we first started our relationship was me telling him that I am still friends with a lot of my exes, and I don’t plan on ending those friendships.
At the time, he said he understood and it was a non-issue for many years.
Cut to 3 weeks ago, the guy I was involved with for all 4 years of high school got into a really horrendous car accident. There’s not an imminent threat on his life, but the seatbelt practically sliced him open and he’s been in the hospital for weeks getting surgeries and has been completely bedridden.
As soon as I found out, I told my fiancé that I wanted to go home to visit him in the hospital. He flat out said no, and when I tried to have a conversation about it, he kept talking over me saying, “There’s nothing to talk about.
I’m saying no.” I got really angry and told him, “You’re not my parent, you’re my partner. You don’t get to just say no and there’s nothing else to talk about.” He actually got up and left the house, and was gone all day and didn’t respond to my calls or texts.
So I drove to my friend’s house and spent the night at her place. He didn’t come home until 4 AM that night, which I only know because he woke me up when he called me on the phone completely intoxicated to ask where I was.
I was extremely angry. The next morning, I came home, packed a bag, got in the car, and left, without ever saying a word to him—he was completely knocked out the whole time. I sent him a text saying I was going home and I’d talk to him when I got back, then I drove 4 hours to my hometown and spent the rest of the weekend there.
I went to visit my friend in the hospital and he was very grateful that I made the trip and said it meant a lot to him. I was there for maybe an hour at most, and spent the rest of the time with my parents.
When I came home on Monday, my fiancé and I had another huge fight about it, and he told me that I had basically been unfaithful to him by going to the hospital to see another man. Things have been very tense ever since. I don’t regret visiting my friend in the hospital, but I do think I went about it in the wrong way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should’ve ended this relationship the second he told you what he does or doesn’t ‘allow’ you to do. YWBTJ if you engage with this person beyond packing up your stuff and making a fast exit. Zero further discussion.
He deserves no more of your time, energy, or consideration. Gather all your other exes to help you pack and move. Run and consider yourself lucky you aren’t married already. What kind of crazy insecure fiancé would have a problem with you visiting absolutely anyone in a hospital?” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“I mean… honestly, ESH. I read the comments, and I was about to absolutely be fully on your side. My partner told me on our second date that her best friend is her ex, with whom she was involved for over 5 years, living together for most of it.
I was definitely a little skeptical, but I met him and they couldn’t act more like brother and sister if they tried. He’s a good guy; he has no interest in getting back with her, and the same goes for her with him.
When we go skiing together, my partner actually told the two of us to ditch her for the morning because we’re both better than her, and he’s helping proofread my grad school essays while I’m applying for the same program he did a few years ago.
All this to say, you can be close friends with an ex and have it be completely fine, even if it isn’t the norm. But you left abruptly for almost 10 hours. For an ex that you keep fairly minimal contact with, after finding out about the accident weeks after it happened—that’s weird.
My partner is her best friend’s emergency contact; he has no family anywhere near here. If he were in the hospital 4 hours away, I’d be dropping everything to drive there to see him, also because I would want to make sure my friend is okay.
This is… not that.” Unlikely_Station_659
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Maybe your heart was in the right place, but it does seem a bit abrupt the way you have written it here for you to drop everything and drive 8 hours in total to see an ex, with whom you are friends, yet you are distant enough that it took you weeks to find out about his accident.
And then your first instinct was not to call, text, send a card, or check in on his family, but just to plan to drive 4 hours to see him for 1 hour. I can understand why your fiancé would feel really uncomfortable about the way this went down.
If you were close enough to your ex to warrant a 4-hour drive on short notice, you should have been close enough to find out about his accident earlier, and that seems like something you should reflect on a bit. Your fiancé is a jerk for unilaterally saying no without further discussion and then going out and getting intoxicated. But unless you’re leaving out lots of important information about just how close a friend your ex is and how often you keep in touch, your behavior seems really strange and desperate.” SceneNational6303
16. AITJ For Asking My Friend's Ex Who Insures Her Child?
“I (35M) have a friend, Steve (48), who accidentally got Stephanie (44) pregnant about a decade ago, and they now have a daughter, Chloe (9). I met Steve last year at a park while walking my dog, and we became friends since he lives nearby and also has a dog.
Steve’s a good guy who cares deeply about his daughters (he has three adult daughters from another relationship).
Whenever I’m with Steve and Stephanie calls, she often seems ridiculous. Sometimes, she calls over minor things; other times, she’s frantic, like she’s on the verge of a breakdown.
She’s a helicopter parent and very possessive of Chloe. Stephanie doesn’t let Chloe visit Steve alone. The first time Steve ever took Chloe anywhere without her was recently—and only because one of his adult daughters went with them to a movie. Steve said Stephanie blew up Chloe’s phone the entire time.
Steve wanted to teach Chloe to ski, but Stephanie told him it wasn’t appropriate for a 9-year-old and that he needed to find a better activity. Every idea Steve has for activities gets shut down with an excuse. Despite this, Stephanie often makes passive-aggressive comments like, “Come over here and be a dad,” even though Steve gives her at least $250 a month (voluntarily, no court order) and spends multiple evenings a week at her place to be with Chloe as that is Stephanie’s idea of visitation.
She makes it seem like he isn’t a good father or something when it is she that doesn’t really let Chloe hang out with friends, she that bought Chloe a smartphone due to her incessant need to always be able to contact her, she who isolates Chloe from Steve’s side of the family, and she who is always worrying about making rent, yet only has a part-time job and spends money that should be going towards other things.
When Steve brought up to Stephanie that he thought that 9 is way too young to have a smartphone, his concerns were all ignored. When he brought up that he doesn’t like Chloe being around her when she is smoking due to secondhand smoke, the issue was disregarded.
Recently, Stephanie moved, and I helped Steve while she mostly stood around watching. Her place looked like it was recently featured on Hoarders. That day, Stephanie took Chloe to the ER for the flu as “Urgentcare won’t see her without insurance.” Later, I told Steve about the Affordable Care Act and how he could get insurance for himself and Chloe.
The next day, Steve asked Stephanie for Chloe’s social security number to enroll her, and Stephanie freaked out, saying, “I don’t even give Chloe’s SSN to the state!” She claimed Chloe was already insured and, when asked by Steve who the insurer was, she mumbled something vague.
I directly asked, “Who is she insured through then?” and Stephanie snapped, yelling, “WE ARE HER PARENTS!”
When we left, Steve said, “See what I’m dealing with? How she snapped at you?” I replied that she had a point—it’s not really my business.
What do you think? Was I a jerk for asking who insures her child?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Literally none of this is your business. And Steve is playing you. If he wanted to be able to take Chloe on his own, he would have gone to court years ago to get some custody.
He doesn’t want to do that though because then he’d end up paying more than $250 in child support. The fact that you make that sound so generous of him shows you know nothing about the cost of raising a child. Steve doesn’t want to deal with the courts because he doesn’t want to have to pay more and doesn’t really want any custody of his daughter.
Learn to mind your own business.” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The $250, as if it’s impressive, is one thing—but you are telling me that this man JUST found out that his NINE-YEAR-OLD CHILD doesn’t have health insurance? Meaning he has never had to do a single act of medical caregiving, never bothered to make sure her medical needs were handled, never even ASKED which parent would be insuring her?
Your friend is a deadbeat and his ex is a nutcase. This poor girl.” HappyGiraffe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your friend is nearly 50 and yet is completely helpless to be involved in his daughter’s life beyond standing on the sidelines and whining about choices the mother makes that he disagrees with?
If he wanted to be more involved, he would have gone to the courts 9 years ago for split custody. If he believed his daughter was in danger and wanted to help her, he would have gone to court at the first questionable instance and fought for full custody.
The fact that he hasn’t means he wants things this way. You’re getting half the story and eating it up as though he’s some victim, when the only real victim in this story is the little girl who has a crappy absentee father who’d rather whine about his apparently all-powerful ex than have a relationship with her.” One_Chic_Chick
15. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Not Leave Strangers In My Apartment?
“My college roommate (20 f) invited some friends over to our apartment.
I (ftm 19) don’t mind this at all; I’m happy she has friends and the people she invited are people I get along with. The issue is when she said it was okay for them to stay in the apartment after we both left for class.
The guy she left in our apartment is someone I had never met before.
I grew up in a really awful situation, and I am very uncomfortable with new people, especially in my space. I talked to my roommate about this. I told her that I was uncomfortable and would appreciate it if she didn’t have people we didn’t know very well stay alone in our apartment.
Everything I own is in this apartment; my cats are in this apartment, and this is my home.
She lives here during the school year and goes home during the summer and breaks. She got upset that I asked her not to bring people we barely know to our apartment when we aren’t here.
She said I was being hypocritical because I bring people over she doesn’t know. I explained that I don’t mind if she brings people over; I only mind if she leaves them here alone. She said I was being a jerk. Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“I used to rent rooms in my house. I rented a room to a friend of mine who had this scrag of a partner. She did NOT like me; I guess I was some kind of competition or something, even though we were, and always have been, just friends.
She’d fight with him, slam doors, etc. I’d talk to him, saying I’m not going to tolerate that in my home; he’d talk to her, and she’d get worse. One day, I was working at home and heard a beer cracking in his room at 8 A.M.; I thought maybe he was off work so I didn’t think much of it until she came waltzing downstairs all smug that she was in my house without him.
Needless to say, I told him she is not to stay at my home without him. If he leaves for work or whatever, she needs to go too. He agreed. She was not happy, lol. They ended up breaking up, but come on, if it’s a common living situation, you need to be respectful to the others living there.
Simple common sense. I’d take issue with some stranger being in my place too, so no, you are not wrong at all.” Iseeyou22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not an unreasonable request at all to ask that friends leave for the day when the person they came to visit leaves for the day.
I’m 40 and married, and between us, there are maybe two people we’d be okay with leaving behind if we went out, and that’s because they’d be there to sit the pets. A home is a sanctuary, not a party pad. You pointed out that you do have different attitudes towards where ‘home’ is, and I think it’s worth telling her that, along with discussing the boundary when she’s calmed down and you can have a discussion.” RadioSupply
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have living beings in your apartment. She sounds like one of these people who says ‘I give everybody one chance!’ Yea, well, all it takes is one chance and your cat can escape and be lost forever. It only takes one chance and you come home and all of your valuables are gone.
The kinds of people who unfortunately take advantage of people like your roommate don’t need second chances; they just need one chance. You have every right to be concerned. She doesn’t have a right to allow somebody to stay at your place while neither of you are there, unless it’s a person you both agreed on ahead of time.
She sounds extremely irresponsible. Just because you think you know somebody doesn’t mean you really know them.” Pierre-LucDubois
14. AITJ For Wanting To Hang Out With One Friend Despite Another Friend's Wishes?
“I (40/f) and my husband (42/m) have been friends with Tom for a long time, a few decades. Tom has been with Lucy for about 8 years, and they recently got married and had a baby. We hang out with them on a regular basis and consider them both to be close friends of ours.
Now, to the complications. Tom and Lucy are both polyamorous and are in a serious relationship with Grace. They are both in a relationship with her, but are not in a three-way relationship, if that makes sense. So, there are basically three couples between the three people: Tom/Lucy, Tom/Grace, Lucy/Grace.
My husband and I are friends with other polyamorous people, so navigating those dynamics isn’t new for us, but we’ve run into a frustration. We both really like Grace. She’s awesome. Kind, funny, and empathetic. She’s also our kids’ favorite babysitter. We’d love to be closer friends with her, but that seems to be a problem for Lucy.
Even though all three have made a commitment to each other (having had a ceremony declaring their love for one another), Lucy is uncomfortable being in social settings with all three of them together.
For example, we recently went on a trip out west with some friends, including Lucy and Tom.
Another friend dropped out a few weeks beforehand, leaving an open spot. We suggested Grace, but Lucy shot it down, saying she’s not comfortable with it. We invite all three of them to places, but one of them always backs out, and then Lucy sends a long explanation for why they couldn’t do it.
We spoke to Tom about it, and he said Lucy is just not comfortable with the dynamic of all three of them being together at once. I’m not exactly sure why or what the issue is.
I understand Lucy has an issue, but I really like Grace and would like her to participate in group settings.
I have invited her separately, and she hasn’t been able to make it (not sure if that’s influenced by Grace or just scheduling conflicts), but she always asks to be included in future invites, so I don’t think it’s a matter of disinterest. I don’t want to make Lucy uncomfortable, but I think it is really unfortunate to leave out someone I consider a friend when inviting people to things.
Am I a jerk for wanting to invite Grace, despite knowing Lucy’s reservations?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your question is dishonest. This isn’t a matter of inviting or not because you have invited her. You don’t mention anyone specifically telling you not to invite her or blowing up at you over it.
They’ve just made it clear that the answer is always going to be no. What you’re really asking is, ‘AITJ for trying to force a social dynamic that others have already said they’re not interested in?’ and the answer is yes. The fact that there was an empty spot on the trip and you suggested Grace is incredibly obtuse.
Do you think that they somehow forgot their own partner existed? Do you think they wouldn’t have tried to include her in the first place if they wanted her there? READ THE ROOM. I don’t get why you’re forcing this so badly.
Do you have a crush on her or something? Let it go. Either accept the nature of the friendship or don’t, and end it altogether.” GhostParty21
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really have a judgment, but as you’ve said, they are in relationships with each other, not a trio, so it’s understandable they don’t want to hang out.
To me, the obvious solution would be to discuss this with Tom and see if he wants to hang out more with you when he’s having ‘Grace time’. Or, speak to all involved and ask if they are okay with you having a separate friendship with Grace that doesn’t involve Tom or Lucy.
If you are that insistent on having all three together in social events, it makes me wonder if you are deliberately trying to cause tension? You’ve made it clear you prefer Grace to Lucy—why would you want to make that blindingly obvious in a situation where all three are present?” According-Let3541
Another User Comments:
“YTJ—Lucy has made it obvious that she is uncomfortable with all three of them being together. She’s not stopping you from becoming friends with Grace. You can continue to hang out with Grace alone or Grace/Tom, or Grace/Lucy.
I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to you to have to get all three of them together when Lucy is obviously not going to have a good time. They can decide what their polyamorous dynamic is, and you don’t need to understand why Lucy is uncomfortable with it—all you have to do is respect it.
If you want to keep Lucy as a friend, I suggest you choose to respect her wishes and maintain your friendship with all three of them, and just not violate the one boundary she set. If Grace chooses not to hang out with you 1:1, that’s between you and Grace.
It doesn’t seem like Lucy has anything against you and Grace hanging out specifically—maybe Grace doesn’t want to hang out 1:1 with you? Or maybe it’s truly just a scheduling conflict?” flufflypuppies
13. AITJ For Reporting My Teacher's Quiz Mistake And Being Blamed By A Classmate?
“My (16f) bio class recently took a quiz, and when we got the results back, a classmate (we’ll call her Vivian, not her real name) got a 100 and told the whole class that it was her first 100 on any assignment in the class all year.
She mentioned that she put one answer for a certain question, but I had gotten a different answer and was almost positive that my answer was right based on the work I did during the quiz. A group of friends in the class also got the same “incorrect” answer, so we went to the teacher to ask her to explain.
After working through it with us, the teacher determined that her original answer in the key was incorrect, and she decided that she would regrade everyone’s quiz—meaning Vivian would get a 95 instead of a 100 and my grade would be raised to correct for the error.
I thought that was the end of it, but now Vivian is repeating this story to everyone she can, blaming me for “taking her hundred away” because I “wanted a perfect score so badly.” She’s also placing the blame entirely on me, even though three other people also raised the same concern to the teacher with me.
AITJ for raising it with the teacher. Is it Vivian because she’s repeating and misconstruing what happened, or is it my teacher for taking points away for her error?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t get the answer right, so she shouldn’t have gotten a 100.
Plus, multiple people got points off even though they had the correct answer, and multiple people went to the teacher. Vivian shouldn’t be blaming you, and the teacher should look over her answer keys before grading.” AeviiM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The teacher based the quiz answers on incorrect information; she likely didn’t have the time to double-check if they were actually correct, so she did nothing wrong here given she immediately corrected the error.
There were a few of you who brought this up as well—it wasn’t just you. Vivian just sees you as the easy target for some reason. Vivian isn’t wrong for being disappointed at losing her perfect score, but she is wrong for her actions thereafter.
The teacher is obligated to correct any mistakes so everyone gets the correct grades, so Vivian got downgraded and the rest of you got upgraded because Vivian got a question wrong that the rest of you got right. It might be worth talking to the teacher who had the incorrect quiz answer and explaining what Vivian is doing.
It counts as bullying because she’s telling everyone a false version of events and blaming you. That teacher was there; she knows exactly what happened and can correct any misconceptions Vivian’s false narrative has caused. If anyone asks you directly about it, tell the truth—the teacher got a quiz answer wrong, and a group of you pointed it out and the teacher corrected the error.
Tell them you don’t know why Vivian is blaming you for the fact she got a question wrong or that a whole group of you spotted an error made by a teacher doing her job and correcting the mistake. Act like Vivian’s actions aren’t bothering you, even if they are, but still stand up for yourself.
Hopefully, Vivian will see you’re not the easy target she thinks you are and will give up.” WhiteKnightPrimal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a former teacher, you’re not the issue the teacher is. In this scenario, I did one of two things. If more than half the class got the answer wrong (or close enough), then everyone gets the points for the question and/or I just pretend the question wasn’t on the test and score off of that.
Let’s say it was only you and a couple of other kids; then I would give you the points and not change anyone else’s score. In the end, the teacher made a mistake either in how they worded the question or in how they taught the material, and students shouldn’t be punished for mistakes.” Rolling_Beardo
12. AITJ For Bribing My Son To Come Live With Me?
“While this feels like an unprincipled way to go about things, I do not know what else to do.
I was not a good parent when my son was young. I didn’t know he existed until he was about six, and by that point, I felt it was too late to try to integrate myself into the family dynamic, so I just paid child support for the years I had missed and for the coming years and largely ignored him.
Again, I know this was ridiculously inexcusable, and I’m not trying to excuse that.
When he was 11, his mother got married, and for some reason, this prompted my son to reach out to me and complain about my lack of presence. I had no excuse for my behavior, and hearing his anger knocked some sense into me.
After that day, I’ve been involved in his life. He comes to me whenever he feels like it. This actually happens reasonably often, and so I gave him a kind of taxi account so he can use my money to get a cab to me any time he wants.
He’s started doing this pretty frequently, and even staying the night. (I am considering offering him a driver, but I feel like this would be extremely forward.)
He’s 14 now, and he talks to me often about his mother, stepfather, and stepsiblings. At first, it seemed extremely sweet, and I was glad he was part of a functional family, but innocuous statements started piling up.
He does most of the chores; his step siblings order him around; his mum has grown distant (I feel this is partly my fault, as he looks a lot like me); and his step dad treats him worse than the other kids.
Despite this, he doesn’t want to upset his mum by complaining and is okay with just sucking it up.
At this point, he is comfortable staying with me, but he doesn’t stay overnight often because he doesn’t want to get through awkward conversations with his mum. So I had the idea of making my house more appealing to him. He said he always wanted the top bunk, so I got him bunk beds so he could have it, and I got him a few games, decorated his room, helped him buy some stuff, etc.
It did not start off as bribery, but in hindsight, that’s exactly what I am doing. I’m bribing my son to come live with me.
This got the attention of his mother, and therefore tonight, his mother and I got into a large fight over this bribery.
She accused me of exploiting our son; I accused her of neglecting him; and she told me that was rich (which is fair) and she called me a rich and pompous jerk who was trying to steal her son.
AITJ? I know I’m not the best father, but I think in this case bribery could be helpful for his well-being.”
Another User Comments:
“This is entirely dependent on one thing: Why are you bribing him? Is it genuinely 100% because you feel your son wants to live with you, and you’re just encouraging him to choose himself over his mother/stepsiblings, or is it because you want a relationship with him and this is a way of furthering your own ends?
While I understand you feel guilt over your past actions, guilt isn’t going to help your son in this position. Yes, you hurt him, but frankly, that’s irrelevant right now. What matters is providing support to the kid and giving him a loving environment, and if splitting his time in your favor will create the best environment (and possibly it will, especially since it sounds like you are unmarried/childless and the attention would be on him), then that’s what you should do.
NTJ.” Magic_Builder_21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t bribery. This is accommodating your son’s wants and needs. Something parents do. Children decorate their rooms. Children have input into their furniture. He’s 14. He should have input into these things. He should have an expectation of privacy and control over his personal spaces.
Do not listen to his mom. She hid an entire son from you for six years. Now she’s upset you’re doing parent things for your son. She’s accusing you of trying to steal your son. That, along with her behavior patterns, should give you pause.
You ‘steal’ a possession. Is that how she views him? A possession? Someone to do chores? I would recommend some therapy for your son. Someone he can talk to about his home life. An authority figure who can relay that it’s not okay for him to be used for chores and bullied by his step siblings.
You came in late, but you are working on being a parent now. Don’t stop. This child may need someone he can rely on if home life is what he says. Work on being that person. Work on being a safe space for him. Perhaps it is now time to make this all official. Have you been to court?” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“I feel bad for your kid. I’m going to say NTJ… Right now. Obviously, yes in the past, but if he’s over it and happy to have you in his life now, just move forward. At 14, could he start advocating for himself if he wants to change his living arrangements (maybe depending on where you’re based)?
Do you have any custody rights if you pay child support? If he’s expressing issues to you, it may be worse than what he’s letting on, especially if he won’t stay over too often so he doesn’t have to go through it when he gets home again.
It sounds like he’s minimizing it so as not to create waves while still needing to tell you at the same time.” wish1wasacat
11. AITJ For Insisting On Carry-On Luggage For A Budget Valentine's Trip?
“We are a married couple (30M and 30F). We are planning a trip for Valentine’s to Europe from London, where we live. My wife chose Vienna and found a flight with Ryanair priced at 60 pounds per return, each.
She suggested we take that flight for a 4-day trip. The flight doesn’t include any luggage; with cabin luggage, the flight costs 120 pounds each, and she said we could manage without the luggage.
She said she wants to experience travelling inexpensively and doesn’t want to spend too much.
For context, we are high earners and live well below our means, so this is not due to a budget constraint.
I suggested that we should at least be able to take some cabin baggage, as I don’t like travelling without clothes, especially for a 4-day trip.
We got into an argument, and now she won’t talk to me. I told her I wouldn’t want to go on a trip if this is how we would be travelling. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It depends on how lightly you can pack.
My husband and I just did a four-day trip to Marseille with only under-seat bags, and it was fine. Four T-shirts, a long-sleeved base layer, a dress for dinner, socks, pants, tights, and a T-shirt to sleep in really don’t take up much room.” Beginning_Dig6272
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These comments are crazy: ‘Well, I can travel with a tiny backpack, so OP is a jerk because he doesn’t want to.’ Who really cares what you want? We are talking about someone who wants to have a small suitcase for a flight.
Maybe he wants souvenirs. Maybe he wants extra, just in case. Maybe he just wants a freaking suitcase. For a trip. Like a normal person. Besides, I know someone who once flew with no bags. And if he can, so can all of you. Now no one can have bags on a plane with that logic.
Really, really, NTJ.” crambaza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have recently been to Vienna with Ryanair for 4 nights. I had an average-sized handbag and a small cabin bag (paid the extra for this) and managed to fit 3 outfits, undergarments and nightwear. I had to put toiletries in my handbag and only had the boots I traveled in, and I wore my coat with scarf and gloves in the pockets.
I’m a light packer, but there’s no way I could’ve done that trip without the cabin bag. I’ve done a weekend in summer with just one small backpack, but I couldn’t manage any longer than that without a cabin bag (that’s all I usually take).
If money is not an issue, I don’t get your wife’s problem. Can you just not book your flight with a cabin bag and hers without?” ScampieFries0
10. AITJ For Googling The Answer And Correcting My Mom On Bright Futures Hours?
“I (14F) have a stepsister, who I’ll call N, who is 16F. We live in Florida, and so of course my stepsister is trying to get volunteer hours for Bright Futures (for non-Floridians, Bright Futures is basically a semi/full scholarship to any Floridian college).
She recently got a job as a hostess at a restaurant, and she’s been wondering if her work hours count toward Bright Futures hours (you need 100 hours to qualify). I’m currently in NJHS, which is basically a junior version of NHS, and our teacher told us that being paid to do a job still counted as volunteer hours for NJHS, NHS, and Bright Futures, so I told N that yes, they do count.
My mom then stepped in, saying that my brother (C) didn’t get his work hours counted towards Bright Futures and that I was wrong. The thing is, my brother graduated before it was allowed, so I corrected her by saying it was allowed. I know it’s silly, but we got into a fight over whether it’s true or not.
Eventually, I took out my phone to look it up for my stepsister, and what do you know? It was allowed. My mom got super upset with me because I “talked back to her” and “Googling it was unnecessary.” So now I’m left wondering: AITJ for trying to help my sister and googling the answer to my question?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a stellar example of what not to do when proven wrong. I guess that’s parenting too, giving your kid a valuable lesson. The only problem with this kind of parenting is that it doesn’t instill trust, so in the future, you may be less inclined to correct her, which can lead to poor choices and suboptimal outcomes.” 3dgemaster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but unfortunately being right isn’t always enough; sometimes it’s about delivery. Like, oh, you might be right, Mom, let me check—and then google it, or you might be right, google it, then tell her… or talk her into googling it.
But I’m glad your stepsister has the right info. And you still have 4 years in that house, so…” Character-Twist-1409
Another User Comments:
“I’m in Florida as well. Bright Futures is difficult to understand; that’s why there’s an online handbook. Also, they didn’t accept work hours when my first kid graduated (she didn’t work because she was in AICE, which I’m sure you know can be very rigorous) but a year or two after they changed it.
NTJ; googling was necessary because now you’ve prevented your stepsister from doing a bunch of unnecessary hours.” WearyTraveler33
9. AITJ For Buying A House Against My Parents' Wishes?
“My wife and I, both 26, are active duty Navy and preparing to be stationed together. We currently have two households’ worth of furniture and belongings and are thinking about buying a house with a VA loan once we’re together.
Mathematically, it’s also cheaper to buy in the area we’re planning to live in. Finances are not an issue for us, but every time I bring it up to my parents (both 63), especially my mother, they say it’s impulsive and my mom even said out loud when discussing things, “This shows you have no idea what you’re doing or talking about.”
I’ve done a significant amount of research and committed a lot of time to educate myself on first-time home buying, and it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. In my opinion, no one knows entirely what they’re doing when buying their home for the first time, but it’s been super hurtful not having any encouragement from my parents.
They’ve expressed multiple times that they want my wife and me to move back to the area they live in so they can see us more, rather than have us be a flight away. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your last line speaks volumes.
Your mom doesn’t like you being far away and wants you and your wife to be closer. She isn’t encouraging you to purchase your first home (good luck, btw) because she doesn’t realize that you are now an independent adult, with a wife who doesn’t need to ‘return to mom’ all the time.
This is particularly noticeable in her statement that ‘This shows you have no idea what you’re doing or talking about.’ Find a home for you & your wife, and enjoy the trials and tribulations of new home ownership once it happens. It’s time that mom realized you’re now an adult and can make your own decisions.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you’re in the military and have an assignment, that’s where you live. ‘Home is where Uncle Sam sends you.’ You can’t just move somewhere else because your parents want you to. However, having been stuck with a house for almost 18 years from our second assignment, I caution you to look at the market closely.
We were lucky that we were able to rent that house to cover our mortgage and insurance, but it didn’t generate any additional income. It also didn’t gain much in the way of value. If your assignment will be less than three years, I’d rent unless you’re trying to buy a handyman special and will do the work to improve your investment.
I say none of that in support of your mother.” Hammingbir
Another User Comments:
“Leave and cleave. Leave. And. Cleave. ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh’ (Note: not trying to assign gender here, just a literal quote.
No offence intended.) My friend, YOU ARE MARRIED. Stop involving your parents so much and lean together with your wife. Yes, you should buy a house if you can; prices are only going up. No, you should not move closer to your parents. Yes, your parents can offer advice, but you are a married adult now and free to make your own decisions about your life with your wife.
It sounds like your mom doesn’t want to admit that you are all grown up and is trying to keep some control.” MelG146
8. AITJ For Complimenting A Little Girl And Taking A Jab At A Mom?
“I have a routine of running from my home to a nearby beach. I trot down the stairway at one end, run along the beach, then run up the stairway on the other end, and then home.
Today, there was a young mother with her two small children (a boy and a girl) meandering down the stairs, with me stuck behind them. My own children were recently at the age where it would take a while for them to reach the bottom, so I actually find it endearing to see little families like this.
Anyway, Mom was talking on her phone. The girl (3-4) notices me, moves to the side of the stairs where her brother is, and gestures for her mom to do the same, as she is standing in the middle. Mom is engrossed in her conversation and doesn’t notice me, nor the child trying to get her attention.
No biggie. I’m so skinny that I become two-dimensional when I turn sideways. I slipped past Mom on the side the girl had just vacated and trotted five to six steps down before hearing “ruuuuude!” from Mom. I stopped, turned, looked the little girl in the eye, and said something close to, “You are a very polite young lady, thank you for noticing me, I bet you have a lovely father,” and continued my way down.
I heard a “jerk” from above and carried on.
I don’t agree with answering rudeness with rudeness, and I was certainly rude to Mom. However, I also think the girl felt good about being acknowledged for her courtesy, and little girls always like hearing good things about their dads.
Am I just justifying myself? My motive at that moment was definitely to be snarky towards Mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom being preoccupied and oblivious is forgivable; we’ve all been there. Judging you for being in a bit of a hurry certainly wasn’t necessary, either.
A smile and wave on Mom’s part would have been a better response. I doubt the little girl took what you said as a dig at her mom, while Mom knew exactly what you meant. Well done.” mpreorder
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Mom for being passive-aggressive and rude, you for your comment about the little girl’s father.
You could have absolutely left it at, “You’re a very polite young girl.” In this day and age, many people have single or same-sex parents or have deceased ones. Mentioning a father at all is just weird and random. Also, “little girls always like hearing nice things about their dads.” This is just a weird way for you to justify your rude behavior when we all know that has nothing to do with why you said what you did.” relizbat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (mildly), and the mom is the jerk, and the kids are innocent and deserve better from all the adults around them. Two reasons. First and foremost, this girl didn’t necessarily get her politeness from her father. You don’t even know if she has a father.
Maybe she’s just a polite kid, or has a great daycare, or any number of other things. Don’t attribute children’s successes to their parents without evidence. You could have just said thank you to the girl. Secondly, instead of modelling good behaviour to this girl, you modelled bad behaviour, mirroring the mom’s own behaviour back at her.
I understand you were upset, but that doesn’t make you the good guy. The good guy here was the little girl. She is not the jerk.” Teshi
7. AITJ For Going Out With A Guy My Best Friend Believes Is Off Limits?
“I (36f) and my best friend (33f) have known each other 8-9 years. We met when she linked with my ex-husband.
We just clicked and it’s made co-parenting super easy. I have never had a friend who’s stuck around this long before. Anyway, she came here from SC to marry my ex.
Recently, I got a random add on Snapchat from the SC area. I get a lot of random people and I was bored, so I accepted. It started off pretty standard and eventually grew into a friendship, then more.
I told my bestie that I’d met a guy who was acting as my hype man whenever I’d post a gym selfie. By this point, we had already exchanged some explicit content. I kept her informed of the progression, and then on Christmas Eve, we realized that this guy was an old fling of hers and she has a hall pass from my ex to go have shenanigans for a weekend or something.
Well, we were all laughing about it and it didn’t seem like a big deal at all. We joked about how our taste in men is similar (obviously).
Now, it’s been a couple of weeks, and when I mentioned him at kid exchange, she shut down on me.
I texted her a little bit later because her reaction was eating at me. I asked her if there was a problem and she basically told me that she felt betrayed by both of us because neither of us asked her first and that she never would have taken things as far with someone if the roles were reversed. She told me that she’d deleted and blocked him from all of her social media and that she had almost done the same to me.
“If you want him, he’s free range.” I responded that, to be fair, we’d progressed past certain things before we knew of the connection she had to him and I’d wrongly assumed it was okay to continue talking to him because… well, she’s married to my ex and it’s never caused any tension, plus all the laughter and jokes.
I apologized for my part and she put what felt like a guilt trip on me, telling me that she doesn’t think he’s even noticed that she’s MIA, but she bets he talked to me all day long, every day. That’s not the case. We talked intermittently but not a full conversation all day long.
Anyway, my initial reaction was to let him down gently and tell him I couldn’t be involved with him anymore, which I did, but now… I feel a little angry. Like, I’m definitely hurt because I really liked the guy and she’s already married. It gives “don’t touch my toys” vibes.
If I had known before I got involved, I could see being this upset. But since I didn’t know in the beginning and she made jokes about it all at first… I don’t know. Maybe I am just a pile of garbage and it’s actually me giving the “don’t touch my toys” vibes.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. She is okay playing in your ex’s backyard, but does not like things to be fair. What is with all these hall passes? That is an open marriage. No way I am giving my spouse a hall pass and vice versa.
(Not knocking those for whom this works.) It sounds like your friend is still interested in that SC guy. I would be leery of him myself. I am thinking he found you through her by friends on social media. Is he playing a game? Are both of them?
That she is that upset you are talking to him?” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think I fully understand this rather tangled web of relationships. But I don’t need to. You are an adult and are free to pursue whoever you want to as long as doing so is ethical. By ‘ethical’ I mean not being unfaithful or otherwise misrepresenting things.
Since you weren’t doing that here, you did nothing wrong. She has no right to tell you who you can and cannot be with. That is the core truth here and the details don’t change that fact. It certainly seems to me that she wants to have her cake and eat it too—have your ex, have this other dude too.
She definitely gives off an ‘all of these toys are mine and you can’t have any of them’ vibe. How you deal with this rather entitled human is your call. But you’re not a jerk for how you’ve acted.” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The whole situation sounds so icky to me. It’s like it’s okay for her to get with any guy she wants, but if you show interest in the same guy all of a sudden, it’s a problem. I don’t know if it were me and I found out this guy was still entertaining other girls, I would remove myself from all that, given that he is someone’s hall pass and not that this part has anything to do with her as much.
But it is odd of her to be territorial over these men when she’s involved in an open marriage.” amelia611
6. AITJ For Demanding My Sister Repay A $1000 Loan After Her Shares Investment Went Sour?
“My sister trades shares and doesn’t really have a job. This month, I lent her a sum of $1000 because she started crying in front of me that she wanted to apply for some shares she is entitled to (rights issue) but doesn’t have the money.
She started crying and my dumb, emotional self lent her the money. I didn’t think a second about it because she had returned the money I had lent her earlier.
The shares got listed and she got them. However, she is not able to sell them now because there is some problem.
It seems that they will go down to zero. I panicked and asked her when she was going to return the money. She said when she is able to sell the shares. It’s not like she doesn’t have money; she has it tied up in other shares.
She said she will not sell any shares to pay me back and that I will have to wait until she is able to sell the shares. We got into a huge fight and she said she will not return the money. She got my mother involved, and my mother kept on telling me that you’re older and that older sisters do so much for younger sisters and asking why I am being so money-minded. I just lost my job and have a handful of savings.
I have already lent money to my dad because he needed it and now her. None of them seem to feel the need to return it despite me asking for it multiple times.
My sister kept telling me that I do not know the art of getting money out of people and that if I want my money back, I would have to be sweet to her.
I have already seen my extended family members taking advantage of Dad and mooching off him for several years. I became furious because I could see my sister becoming just the same.
AITJ for getting scared and asking for the money? For real, my mother and sister, instead of understanding where I am coming from, are frustrated that I am literally picking fights for such a small amount.
They keep on saying that I am frustrated because I lost my job.
When we got into the fight, my mother started crying that she cannot believe that her daughter can be so money-minded. And the topic was over. Now, both of them are not talking to me.
I do not know how to handle this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for money back. She said she’d pay you back, so you have every right to ask for money back. I will say you absolutely should not have lent her that much money — or any money for that matter — if you had just lost your job.
I understand wanting to help family, but you need to consider your own financial security before others. If you’re bringing in income, then sure, you can reasonably lend others money — keyword: reasonably — but if you don’t have an income, then no. Do not loan money.
Definitely do not loan her money in the future, as she’s showing an unwillingness to return it. Also, your sister needs to get a job. Clearly trading shares is not doing her any favors.” _daddyissues666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the money were such a small sum and no big deal, your sister or your mother would have paid you back; instead, they are putting on a big song and dance to try to discourage you from asking for the money back — precisely because the money is a big deal and your sister doesn’t want to part with it.
Your sister, because she is selfish, and your mother because, for some reason, she is favoring your sister. That’s it. They have no moral high ground here whatsoever. It’s pure tag-team mind games to make you out to be all about the money when it’s them who are only one step above straight-up thieves.
I’d tell them your sister is pretty much just a thief and your mother her accomplice. What they are trying to pull is slimy. They are the ones who don’t care about family and will attack you to hang on to money. I think you had better learn your lesson here and never help any of them out financially ever again.
They are showing you in unmistakable terms that they will take your money, then mock, shame, and abuse you over it if you dare ever expect it back — and these are deliberate tactics.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is really nice when family members help and support each other; however, just because you are the older sister doesn’t mean that she can expect to get anything she wants from you, and you are not obligated to help her in any way.
Your mother seems like a soft heart and doesn’t want her children to get hurt. She needed to loan the money to your sister and see what it feels like. You are not likely to ever get the money back from any of your family, so consider it your gift and never lend to them, or anyone else, again.
Also, can you ask your folks to help with your finances since you don’t have a job and are short on money because you gave it to her?” Grymflyk
5. AITJ For Speaking Slowly So My Husband Finally Hears Me?
“I’m (50 F) sick of repeating everything I say to my husband (60 M).
I’ve heard that this can legitimately be due to normal hearing loss with aging; higher-toned voices might get harder to hear. I don’t care about the reason, I’m just tired of repeating every sentence I say.
As a solution, I stand facing my husband until he looks directly at me and then I ask my question or make my statement slowly and clearly.
I don’t do it in a sarcastic way, but it’s obvious I’m changing the way I speak because my natural way of speaking is very fast and I might have a slight L.A. accent on some words. When he doesn’t hear me, my husband looks at me with this annoying look on his face like I’ve just asked him something in Japanese.
When I speak to him in this slow deliberate way, he looks at me like I’m being annoying (and maybe disrespectful) and asks why I’m talking to him like that. I just don’t want to be repeating myself all day.
So AITJ for slowing it down so he can hear and understand me?”
Another User Comments:
“As a Hearing Instrument Specialist, I can confidently say you are not the jerk. He is being one! Both to you and himself, for not getting the help he needs. Most people think having hearing loss only means you don’t hear as well.
Some old curmudgeons actually enjoy it. However, hearing loss comes with a host of other medical issues. Depression, family and marriage strife. The most worrisome thing to me would be the much higher rate of dementia and other cognitive issues suffered by people with uncorrected hearing loss.
Some studies have shown up to a 40% higher rate of cognitive issues with severe, uncorrected hearing loss. Additionally, being fitted with hearing aids will slow the rate of your hearing loss. If you ever go to Costco or Sam’s Club, they will give you a free hearing test.” Grunt_In_A_Can
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a correlation between untreated hearing loss and, to a lesser extent, vision loss and cognitive decline. In the shorter run, he can’t hear and won’t listen. Have you told him that you are taking pains to enunciate because he doesn’t appear to hear you otherwise?
It’s frustrating to deal with someone who has hearing loss and won’t do anything about it. I spent 10 years dealing with a friend with hearing loss, and what got him to go for a hearing test was telling him that I was tired of ‘sounding off like I have a pair,’ which means speaking in a loud voice that is near shouting.
He wound up seldom wearing his hearing aids despite a diagnosis of profound hearing loss, and now he’s in memory care.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have hearing loss. I also have been diagnosed with ADHD, but I don’t take anything for it.
And I have a very constant buzzing in my ears. With ADHD, if someone starts talking about a subject that I’m not thinking about, but I am deep in thought about something important to me, whatever the other person says sounds like a foreign language.
Once I know what we are talking about, then I can understand them, and start doing the ‘predicting the conversation’ thing that ADHD people subconsciously do, which screws me over when the other person (most likely my wife) changes the subject; then I’m lost again and it sounds like the other person is mocking me.
The buzzing sound is probably tinnitus, and I have searched for tinnitus sounds. There is a site where people can sample different tinnitus sounds. Once I found the sound, I adjusted it until I couldn’t hear it, but next level, I barely could. My wife was surprised by how much noise I had to hear past just to hear clearly.
The frequency test is fun. We stumbled onto that while looking up the story about a ringtone kids were using that adults can’t hear. You’ll find out you’ve lost frequencies also. You’re going to have to enunciate your words to your husband. Most old couples are like that.” OGatariKid
4. AITJ For Not Offering Enthusiastic Greetings When My Husband Craves Them?
“I just am not a very enthusiastic person. My spouse recently told me he “hates that about me,” that I don’t act more enthusiastically when he comes home or leaves for work. I say hi and bye; I just won’t stop and drop what I’m doing every time to walk to the door.
I didn’t stop making dinner today; I just said, “Bye, I’ll talk to you later,” and he got upset and said what he said (above).
I view this as a matter of personality. It’s not my natural personality to do these things. If he really values that in a relationship, then he needs to be realistic about who he is with and what he wants to prioritize.
Yes, I could make the effort and do this intentionally in order to appease him, but I’m also being realistic with myself in that I know I could temporarily change behavior; however, I’m naturally not the run-to-the-door-take-your-coat-off-and-place-a-beer-in-your-hand sort of wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You say hi and bye.
What more is he looking for? Does he want you to drop everything and meet him at the front door like June Cleaver? Maybe ask him to give you concrete examples of enthusiasm, and you can determine what, if any, are realistic for you. He may just want to know you’re still excited about seeing him.” snarkness_monster
Another User Comments:
“Was he raised on 1950s sitcoms? Would you enjoy looking a few up on YouTube and going totally over the top, acting like that? Heels, pearls, dress, hair and makeup, enthusiastically overacting delight at his very presence? If he’s embarrassed, job done, lesson learned. If he’s into it, let him know this doesn’t work for you.
NTJ for having self-respect. Maybe the jerk for tolerating his shenanigans.” Traditional-Agent420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe ESH, though. If this is something he has brought up multiple times to you, he is telling you that it’s important to him. I am wondering if his love language is acts of service/words of affirmation.
So, YTJ if he has requested this in the past and you haven’t ever tried it and keep brushing it off. This would be such a simple thing to try to do occasionally. It is something that I, personally, enjoy and see the value of.
My partner and I make the effort to greet each other when leaving or getting home, and we also do goodnight and I love you every night before bed. Prior to living together, when I was just sleeping over a few days at a time, my partner commented all the time, “It was so sad to come home to an empty house; it’s so nice when I get home and you’re happy to see me.” That made me feel so loved and appreciated, to hear how much he appreciated it.
But I REALLY do not like that he said he hates anything about you. That seems extreme in general and definitely extreme in regards to this specific situation.” hereforthedrama57
3. AITJ For Leaving My Mother's Party After She Criticized My Stepdaughter's Cooking?
“I (36F) have a stepdaughter (14F), Anna. Her father and I married when Anna was two.
I consider her to be my real daughter in every way that matters, and I love her just as much as my biological children.
Most of my family adores Anna. She’s a very sweet and hardworking girl who does her best to make them proud.
However, my mother (55F) does not appear to adore Anna. She’s never outright said that she dislikes my daughter or why, but I’ve always thought it’s because Anna wasn’t my biological child.
I’ve been teaching Anna to cook for a few years now. She asked me last year if she could start bringing her cooking to family gatherings and potlucks, and of course I agreed.
My mother started critiquing Anna’s dishes. It began with just suggesting she add different spices or cook an ingredient a little longer, but over the past few months, it’s been getting worse. She doesn’t criticize the dishes of any family members.
This Thanksgiving, she told Anna that the casserole she made was disgusting and inedible.
I told my mother to stop criticizing Anna and that she was doing her best, but she just brushed me off, which was the final straw.
My family was in town this week to celebrate my mother’s birthday. I had some curry that my mother had made about six months ago and given to me to freeze, so I reheated it and brought it to the party and told everyone that Anna had worked very hard to make it just like her grandmother always did.
Immediately, my mother started criticizing the curry, saying how Anna had added too much spice and overcooked the chicken. She even went so far as to tell Anna that she should stop bringing food to potlucks altogether.
I hadn’t originally intended to make a big deal out of this, but that comment crossed a line.
I informed my mother that it was her own curry that I had reheated, and Anna had not actually cooked it.
She immediately started sputtering and backpedaled, saying she was just trying to give constructive criticism and make Anna a better cook, but I knew she didn’t really believe it.
I asked her why she would treat my own stepdaughter so badly, and she admitted that she didn’t see Anna as her real grandchild.
This was the final straw for me. I found my husband, Anna, and my other children and told them we had to leave, explaining what my mother said.
We probably won’t be attending any family gatherings for the foreseeable future, either.
My mother has gone full scorched-earth on social media, and most family members have taken her side. She says that I ruined her party by leaving and that I destroyed our relationship for someone who isn’t even my “real” child.
My husband is on my side, but he thinks that we shouldn’t have left the party, since I’d already proven my point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here. You’re not just sticking up for Anna, but you’re protecting her from what amounts to verbal abuse. Plus, you’re drawing a line with your mom that some behavior isn’t acceptable.
That’s always a good line to take, especially with parents and in-laws that don’t grok the idea that they can’t do whatever they want and treat people like crap with impunity.” wndrgrl555
Another User Comments:
“That’s a horrible thing to say and totally exposed the bullying.
Why would you stick around after an insult like that? I would leave too when you are made to feel so unwelcome. Family isn’t just blood. My mother is adopted and she kind of struggles with that to this day (her adoptive and bio mothers have both passed).
On my dad’s side, his wife doesn’t really accept me or my brother, so we have no relationship with his wife at all. It’s hard with blended families. Sorry no magic answers, but NTJ.” BJL123
Another User Comments:
“As a child who was adopted by my father and had some members not like me just because I was not blood related, I remember terrible times with some of his family members that no child should have to face.
It is really great that you love her just as much as your other children, but family members who do not should have zero access to her. You should be truthful with her so she understands that nothing is her fault but that she should only interact when necessary.
Explain that because she is a guest, she should be polite, but also that some family members will not accept her and it is not her fault. Also, find a different place for her to take her cooking.” Feeling_Lead_8587
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad For Including My Ultrasound In The Christmas Card?
“Every year, my father and stepmother, who I am not close to, send out a Christmas card – a very important tradition for the good, middle-class Jesus-loving Texan who needs to show off their travels and their kids’ accomplishments.
This year, they included a photo of my ultrasound on it (which I had shared privately with my father only) and my due date, along with the same for my step-siblings who are also expecting. My sister saw the card and called to ask if I knew about it – I did not.
They never asked for my permission or informed me that they were printing my ultrasound on the card.
I called and told my dad that he should have asked for permission before a photo of my body and my unborn child was sent around to hundreds of people who are strangers to me.
He responded that it’s his grandchild too; it’s not a big deal, and my stepmom is very excited about the baby, so I should keep my mouth shut so as not to rain on their parade. Now he’s not talking to me. I understand that it’s a very normal thing in the South to share photos of your ultrasound on social media or wherever, so now I’m worried that I overreacted and caused drama over nothing.
AITJ for scolding my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And you need to set firm boundaries with them now because if they don’t respect your rights over your own body and personal information, they sure as heck aren’t going to accept any rules you lay down as a parent or that your child has any autonomy over their own body.
I learned the hard way that toxic people are not entitled to a relationship with their other family members – your responsibility now is to your own family and especially your children. Don’t bend on that count. Congratulations on the new family member and good luck!” Puzzleheaded-Age-240
Another User Comments:
“Maybe being from the Northeast, I have a different perspective. You don’t include other people in social media posts or holiday cards unless you ask them first. I don’t get all this ‘well we’re from the South/Texas so we just put it all out there.’ It’s not polite and some people think it’s bad karma to show those photos.
Also, I personally would think it strange to get ultrasound photos on a holiday card. If you must brag about your family line increasing, why not just mention that the kids are expecting in (months).” One_Bug_870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you’re the jerk here.
But just be warned – it will not get better. I am further down the road. I had this type of mother – because, let’s be honest, it’s not usually the men sending the cards. She would take a picture I had shared with her during the year and then make it her Christmas card.
You’ll come to know how hard it is to get a good pic of everyone. And to boot, she’d send her card to my childhood friends! So, since she’s retired while I was a full-time working mom with two toddlers, she would send out her cards like the minute after Thanksgiving.
The first time that my friend told me she got my mom’s card with our intended pic on it, I flipped my lid! Now, I’m very careful with what I share with them and if I think I have a contender for the card, I do not share it.
I send it to them as a Christmas card, just like everyone else! You have a right to privacy and boundaries. Also, pregnancy and birth complications in the US are insane, so possibly premature.” OceanPro88
1. AITJ For Declining My Best Friend's Gifted Cabana So I Could Share It With All My Wedding Guests?
“I’m (29F) having a Vegas wedding in August, and my fiancé (31m) and I decided to make it a weekend celebration with all kinds of activities leading up to the big day.
One of the activities on the itinerary is to attend a brunch/pool party spot where you have to pay to rent cabanas and chairs.
My best friend (30f) said that as a “gift” from her and her partner, they would rent a cabana for the four of us.
I put “gift” in quotes because in my mind, when you give something as a gift, you relinquish all control over that item and the person you gave the gift to has complete control over what they want to do with said gift. So, since she said the cabana was a gift for my fiancé and me, we said that we don’t mind sharing it with the rest of our guests.
However, my best friend is really adamant about my other friends/guests not being able to join us in the cabana unless they pitch in some money. So, I assumed that if she’s trying to control what we do with the cabana, then it’s really her cabana and she’s just sharing with us.
I told her that I appreciate the gesture, but I’d rather rent my own cabana and share with everyone because if I’m going to have a huge cabana anyway, I’m not going to charge my friends to sit with me. I don’t mind sharing with my friends.
And I get that my friend group is not affiliated with her, that she doesn’t owe them anything—and that’s fine—which is why I told her that she can go ahead and get her own cabana and I’ll just get my own that I can share.
But she’s arguing that her intent was not to “buy her own cabana” but to buy it for my fiancé and me, and she doesn’t see the point in having two large cabanas. Now, she seems to be pretty disappointed that I refused her “gift.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This leans very hard to not being a jerk. You’re right about the cabana being something you should be able to invite your guests into, but I’m stuck on one part of your post that, I feel, deserves diving down into.
Why isn’t your best friend associated with the friend group you have invited to the wedding and want in the cabana? There’s a read here, and maybe it’s a generous one but whatever, where the point of the cabana is not specifically to exclude people your BFF doesn’t like or know, but to get some exclusive time with you because you’re her BFF and otherwise she has to share the whole wedding weekend with others.
Do I think this is good behavior? No, it’s still out of line, but I can see where it’s only jerk behavior if she pushes too much or overreacts. Disappointment is not an overreaction here. Is she quitting the wedding? Leaving and never speaking to you again?
Causing a scene? No. She said her bit, you said no, she objected, and then left it and is disappointed, because while her reasoning for this was a bit selfish, it wasn’t the jerk behavior we might suspect. It’s worth talking about after the wedding anyway.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“Info: I’ve worked in hospitality a long time… Is this pool/brunch spot attached to a hotel? Because if it is, most cabana rentals will come with refreshments, towels, and an electrical outlet, as well as a staff member to fill order requests, bring fresh towels, and make sure nobody who doesn’t have a wristband is hanging out there.
Most cabana rentals have a guest limit (usually 4-7 people) before you are required to rent an additional cabana to accommodate all your guests. Some hotels will let you add a guest for X amount of money, but most will tell you to rent a second or even third cabana depending on your party size.” HuntyLabeija
Another User Comments:
“I have a question. You say that this is a planned activity for all the guests at an area that REQUIRES a purchase of a cabana or chairs. In Vegas. Pray tell, why pick a brunch spot where, in addition to Vegas food and Vegas drinks, your guests now need to pony up for Vegas cabanas and Vegas bottle service for a brunch?
I could afford to attend a four-day event like this but would choose not to. A destination wedding is your friends spending the money to fly out and hotel, not adding on an additional three days of expensive self-pay activities. That’s why the friend is trying to make this her gift to you.
Your plans have tapped them out.” [deleted]
