People Request That We Take A Moment To Go Through Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Wanting My Friend's Baby To Undergo A DNA Test?
“My (26 M) best friend is Derek (26 M). We’ve been best friends since we’ve been 8 years old.
Due to some family issues, he lived with my family during high school and college. My parents call him their ‘bonus kid’ and we are basically brothers at this point. So I really don’t trust his partner of 3 years, Nicole (25 F). She has always just given me bad vibes.
She lies about little things for no reason. Unfortunately, she and Derek have a lot of similar experiences and hobbies. And he’s head over heels for her. I’ve always been respectful to her, but am always looking out for Derek. My partner thinks he’s blinded by love.
So Nicole is now 8 months pregnant. Derek comes to me asking me to be the god-father/legal guardian. Derek works a dangerous job, so it wouldn’t be crazy for something to happen to him. Nicole was on board with this too. I told him I would do that as long as he gets a DNA test done first. He was shocked and asked why.
About 7 months ago. Derek and Nicole broke up for a couple of days. She claimed nothing happened with anyone else, that she just sat home and cried. But why not make sure? Why would it be an issue if she has nothing to hide? But my biggest reason is what Nicole did with her sister.
So Nicole’s sister had a kid. Claimed her partner was the dad (he wasn’t and she knew he wasn’t). Nicole lied straight to her sister’s partner for years. Nicole knew the whole time that her niece wasn’t his kid.
Everything came out eventually.
The dude left and Nicole blamed the ex for ‘not loving his kid regardless’. I told her that it wasn’t his kid and she knew it. When I called Nicole out she said it ‘wasn’t her place to tell him’. Ever since I’ve kept her at arm’s length and would rather Derek break up with her.
I and Derek have had deep talks about that. But he just defends Nicole’s actions. I asked him straight up if the kid wasn’t his would be sticking around. He said no.
Hence my pushing for a DNA test. Derek blew up at me.
Saying I was forcing him into something he doesn’t want. I said I am not helping raise some other dude’s kid. And that if the DNA test is such an issue then pick someone else to be the godfather. And he can just tell Nicole I am the one pushing for this and the blame can be on me.
My parents are calling me a jerk. My partner agrees that every kid should be given a DNA test at the hospital at birth to avoid issues. And we don’t understand why that isn’t a law. She is on my side with everything.
AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner To Come With Me To My Friends' BBQ Party?
“I (33 M) moved to the area 10 years ago for work.
I haven’t met many people outside of work, but I do have a pretty decent bond with my next-door neighbor, who I’ve known since I moved here. I’ve been to his house for a few parties and he’s been kind enough to let me borrow his car sometimes, but we aren’t best friends.
I met a girl (27 F) this past March and we hit it off. We’ve been together and I am not seeing anyone else. She has never met any of my friends, but I have met about 8 or 9 of her close friends a few times.
My neighbor-friend invited me to his backyard bbq this weekend, which he and his long-time partner are hosting. There are always other couples there as well. When I told my girl, I said I hadn’t committed to it yet and asked what she was doing that day.
She interpreted that as me extending the invite as my plus-one and said she would be excited to have that opportunity to meet my friends. I backtracked and told her I didn’t know if I could bring people. I said I wasn’t that close with him and didn’t want to overstep by asking to bring a plus-one.
She got pretty upset and asked me how I knew he would mind if I wasn’t willing to ask. She said she was hurt and disappointed that I don’t want to bring her. I responded by saying I feel the same way because she has an active social life and I don’t know many people.
The whole thing got pretty weird after that and she didn’t say much else.
While it’s true I did complain in the past about not meeting any of her friends, I’ve only been out with them a few times, all girls. I know this is a large event with many other couples, but I want to focus on strengthening my friendship with the host and I don’t want to bring her until I am fully comfortable around him.
Even though he’s been my neighbor for the last 10 years, part of me still feels like he invites me out of pity and sees me as ‘the neighbor that doesn’t know anyone’. My girl seems to be having a hard time understanding this and insisted that he wouldn’t have invited me if he didn’t consider me a friend.
Regardless, I am not willing to ask him if she can come along.
Yes, I plan to still go. I told her maybe we can meet up one on one afterwards but we can play it by ear. She seems pretty distant and has been sending one-word texts today.
Am I out of line? Am I being a jerk here? I really don’t think that’s the case but wanted to put it out there.”
33. AITJ For Not Allowing My Fiancé's Mother To Wear White To My Wedding?
“I (28 f) and my fiancé (26 m) have been together for 3.5 years and are getting married in late September.
About a month ago around 11 pm, I received a message from my fiancé’s stepmom. It was a picture of an all-white (maybe ivory?) pantsuit with some gold accents.
Her message was something along the lines of ‘Hey! I think I finally found my outfit for the wedding, what do you think?!’ (I can’t see it anymore because she deleted it.) Since I was half asleep as we normally go to bed around 9, I responded ‘I would have to think about it’ since I knew she would know I read the message.
At the time I truly had not thought about how I felt about people wearing white to our wedding and I wanted to give it a fair consideration before I totally said no.
The next day, after discussing with my fiancé, around 6 pm, I messaged her back and said ‘Hey, just wanted to check in because it looks like the messages were deleted. I am not sure if you are upset, I am not upset.
I would prefer it if you didn’t wear white, ivory, etc to the wedding. The outfit is super cute, just in a different color.’ To this day, I still have not received any response from her.
Fast forward about 3 more days and his stepmom sends him and his dad a long text quoting an article that asked 8 wedding planners if it’s okay to wear white.
She quoted one of the two who said yes claiming that since it was a pantsuit, she did not think it would distract from me. She then said she would find something that is not ‘white, winter white, ivory, ecru, or cream.’ And ended the message with ‘no need to discuss this any further.’
My husband did not respond so his dad messaged asking if he got it, my fiancé confirmed but didn’t appreciate the attitude about her deciding what will be discussed. His dad said ‘No attitude, she will be the only one in white, got it.
When someone calls or texts you and you don’t respond it is just rude!’
About 20 minutes after that she messaged him and said ‘So if (my name) had excitedly sent me a pic of her dress and said: ‘I found the perfect dress, what do you think?’ And I replied ‘I would have to think about it’ – she would’ve been cool with that.
Right?’
I am not sure where to go from here. I would like to resolve this as a family and move forward, but I am not sure how since she never replied to me.”
32. AITJ For Panicking When I Thought My Baby Was Gone?
“I am going through an ugly divorce with an abusive ex. He has recently made threats that he will ‘surprise’ me and has made it clear he knows where the kids and I have moved to.
We have a one-year-old and a 3-month-old. I moved in with my sister during the last pregnancy for help and support. I am currently in therapy once a week and have severe anxiety. One of my biggest issues is that I barely sleep because I am terrified of what will happen while I am not awake.
Current situation: My sister and her husband were out last night so I was unable to set the alarm before I went to bed. There the 3-month-old sleeps in a bassinet in my room while the 1-year-old is in his crib in a separate room.
When I woke up I realized I hadn’t heard the baby cry all night. Hopeful that maybe we are starting to sleep longer through the night I went to check on him. He wasn’t there. I panicked thinking I put him in bed with me when I was half asleep and tore my bed apart.
No baby. I run into the nursery to check there. I didn’t see my one-year-old. He was in his crib he had just moved into a position I couldn’t see from the door.
After I saw him I ran downstairs into my sister’s room to check there.
I didn’t see him right away so in my panic I woke my sister up and asked her if she had him. She did, thank God. I didn’t say anything else. I just walked outside to smoke and try to calm down. My anxiety is still through the roof today.
I thanked my sister for getting him since she said he had been crying and I didn’t wake up. I appreciate that (and feel bad about not waking up). But I asked her to please text me if she did that in the future as waking up not knowing where my baby was terrified me.
My whole family told me I am overreacting and to ‘get over it’ and that I should have just known she had him. AITJ for panicking like I did?”
31. AITJ For Beating Our House Guest At Video Games?
“My partner wanted to invite her friend and her newish significant other (about 6 months) to our house so we can have a date night type of thing. I was on board because I love her friend she is such a sweet sassy woman that doesn’t take crap from anyone except me.
Maybe… sometimes.
So we hang out and talk for a bit and he seems like a cool guy. Not a person I would hang out with all the time because were different. I am nerdy and he is a macho man who only works out and hangs out with bros.
Now is a good time to mention that I am autistic. Functioning, but I do have my issues I try to work on like reading body language and social cues. I also tend to super hyper-focus on what I am doing. My partner mentions that we have a game room with a lot of games and all the consoles they might like so we all go in there and it was universally agreed upon for Mario Kart.
I REALLY like Mario Kart. Like a lot. He mention he was really good and I just said ‘Awesome, it should be fun to play against someone who will give me a run for my money’.
We play Mario Kart which was universally agreed upon and I lap the two girls and almost her SO.
He didn’t want to play anymore, so they left and he looked around the room for a game he is good at. He saw Madden and said ‘This is a game that I am really good at and I will beat you’.
I put the disk in and he is just talking the entire time ‘There is no way you beat me’ ‘I am going to demolish you’ ‘You don’t stand a chance’.
I love Madden and played in tournaments all the time years ago. He just keeps smirking and making snide comments about how ‘I don’t look like I play Madden’ and stuff like that.
We start playing and right off the bat I already know he is a 3-5 play guy who uses the same thing, but that doesn’t really work on me.
By the end of the first quarter I had 42 points and he had 0. Start of the 2nd quarter he runs a cross route and I intercept it and run it back. He throws my controller on the floor, breaking it, and calls me a few names.
I just laughed which made him way more mad.
We get back to the living room and he sits on the couch and starts texting which I already know was his SO. They say they have to go 10 minutes later and leave. My partner noticed he was fuming and she asked me what happened and I said I beat him at Madden.
She gets a call about 2 hours later and she looks at me with a look I know is disappointment. Apparently, he was raging all the way home and it kind of started a fight. My partner looks at me and said ‘You’re a jerk for doing that.
You could have at least let him get a few points’. I said ‘Nah’ and walked away to play Mario Kart, which kind of frustrated her because of my apathetic response to her judgment of the situation.
Am I really the jerk for running up the score and laughing when he got mad?”
30. AITJ For Telling My Stepbrother's Wife That She's A Stuck-Up "Witch"?
“Last year my (45 f) (step)father (73 m) passed away. He has been in my life since I was 4, he raised me.
I was the only girl in 5. He was the only grandfather my children ever had and they were all very close. We were devastated when we were told he was gone & we were asked not to say or post anything for over a month and I respected that wish and didn’t ask any questions.
When the obituary was posted 6 weeks later and a celebration of life was set, the obit listed every family member down to cousins & friends but omitted my children and me, & I don’t understand why.
I discovered at the gathering the person who took charge and wrote the obit was the middle stepbrother’s wife ‘Jane’ (f 40) who I have never had an issue with.
I didn’t mention anything as it would be inappropriate & a dishonor to a great man.
I let it go as best I could, it wasn’t leaving me out that hurt, it was my children. My daughter (20 f), my youngest, was very close and spent over a year traveling with him the year before he passed, all 3 of my children did this after graduating & saving for a year.
My oldest (step)brother (m 48) is wonderful and has stepped up to pull the family together, even pulling us aside and making it clear we are family no matter what. So I let the matter go because of this. No one mentioned the obituary but I got the feeling they were mortified by what ‘Jane’ did.
I was at a gathering a few weeks ago and ‘Jane’ was there. My daughter was telling a story about him (my step-father) to one of his old friends, she called him Papa as do my older two, ‘Jane’ interrupted explaining to the 3rd person that they were not really related or something along those lines in reference to her calling him papa.
I wasn’t there for the conversation so don’t know the exact phrase but my daughter excused herself and asked me if we could please go & in the car burst into tears.
I went off, I lost it, told ‘Jane’ she was a stuck-up ‘witch’ and a few other choice things, told her where to shove it, and left.
I have gotten a couple of texts and calls since telling me how wrong I was from her husband (stepbrother) (44 m) and a few others, telling me I should apologize. I don’t feel I was wrong and I actually restrained myself from saying more.
I am not sorry, but I am biased I probably could have handled it better but in the moment I just lost it. I honestly can’t stand her now, I feel she is petty and fake so it is what it is! I know I am probably the jerk!
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Not Wanting Our Mom To Live With Us?
“My parents recently got divorced (my mom initiated it) and because of this they’re having to sell the house my parents, my younger sister (20), and I (22) live in.
My mom served my dad the papers without talking to anyone in the family, she even planned on moving out of the house and staying with her friend as soon as my dad signed the papers while my sis and I stayed in the house with my dad.
The paper stated that my dad would either give her half the share of the house or they sell the house and split the profit 50/50. My dad couldn’t give her that much which is why they are being forced to sell the house.
Due to the divorce, living with either of my parents we’re getting too toxic and mentally draining for my sis and me.
So we planned to move to an apartment and live together but now my mom is saying she’s planning to live with us. The problem is the apartment my sis and I got is a small apartment and we don’t have space for her.
I have made that clear to her from the beginning but she’s refusing to listen.
She recently quit her job and asked if she could stay with us. I felt bad but I told her we don’t have space for her. She’s insisting that she can just stay in the living room.
There are many reasons why I do not want to let her stay with us; she is a very messy person and likes clutter and I like my space clean. I won’t be able to have any guests/friends over while she is living with us as she will be making the living room her bedroom.
Lastly, we had to move out of our house and find an apartment because she wanted a divorce in the first place.
I reminded her that she should’ve thought about her living arrangements when she got the divorce and that she didn’t think about us when she knew we’d have to sell the house and that her kids would be homeless.
We got into an argument and now she’s crying and saying how we’re bad kids, her side of the family is calling us bad kids as well. My sister is saying not to listen to them but I feel really bad and would like some 2nd opinion.
So AITJ for refusing to let my mom stay with us?
Edit: My mom doesn’t have any other family in the country which is why she can’t stay with them.
Edit 2: She hasn’t received the money from the house as it isn’t sold yet.
Edit 3: She quit her job for a family emergency in her home country. She was going to quit anyways and look for another job because her current job was getting too physically strenuous for her.”
28. AITJ For Telling Our Daughter We Won't Help Her Raise Her Baby?
“I am a fifty-six-year-old mother to thirty-three-year-old Kelly and grandmother to sixteen-year-old Opal. Kelly became pregnant with Opal at sixteen. My husband, Eddy, and I have always believed in having the right to choose. However, Kelly insisted that she wanted to keep the baby and not give it up for adoption.
We helped a lot as Kelly was only seventeen when Opal was born. However, Kelly would rarely help with parenting even when she was available. Even asking her to watch Opal for an hour while we ran errands was an issue. It was rare that Kelly wouldn’t complain about why she ‘had to be there’ to look after Opal.
Kelly chose not to attend college after graduation. She had a job with a flexible schedule, yet she rarely made herself available for Opal. Kelly was only home to sleep or get dressed for some party. She also relied on us to purchase supplies and book appointments for Opal. Eddy and I would have serious talks with Kelly that she needed to step up as a parent.
Kelly would only make empty promises and never follow through on them.
Kelly moved out when Opal was six. Kelly comes around maybe once a fortnight and for holidays, but Eddy and I have been the ones to raise Opal. Opal is doing extremely well.
She has good friends, plays Tennis, participates in volunteer projects, and plans to be a marine biologist after graduation.
The school year ended for Opal last week, so we had a nice dinner to celebrate her good grades. Kelly came, along with several other family members.
We were all chatting and enjoying dinner together when Kelly stood up to make an announcement. She announced to us that she was pregnant with her partner’s child.
We already were upset because this was supposed to be Opal’s special moment and Kelly announcing her pregnancy was completely inappropriate.
Eddy and I said nothing, and Kelly started to say how she and her partner were ‘so busy!’ with life right now.
Eddy and I interrupted Kelly and told her we would have nothing to do with raising this new baby and would not be providing anything for it (supplies, childcare, etc.) Kelly flipped out and an argument ensued.
Kelly called us heartless and claimed we were willing to throw our grandchild away. Eddy and I called her selfish for expecting us to raise another child. We are too old to raise a baby. Kelly is thirty-three and needs to grow up. Give the baby up for adoption or be a parent and raise it yourself.
Kelly left in tears. Now the family has broken into ‘sides.’ The ones agreeing with Kelly say that we adopted Opal and are sending a message that we don’t care about our newest grandchild. Others are saying we should have taken her aside privately instead of shooting her down in front of everyone and our reaction was cruel.
Eddy and I feel we had to be blunt with Kelly and not sugarcoat reality.
Opal likes to show us stories from here sometimes, so I thought it would be a good place to ask for a neutral perspective. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Getting Help To Get The Dishes Done?
“I (22 F) work in the dish room for a dining hall on campus and have been there for three years. I don’t have any official position, but since most student workers are newer than me, the SMs usually have me train new people and generally recommend new workers listen to my suggestions and within reason run things the way I prefer.
There are meant to be four workers in the dish room and I usually set it up as follows: One person takes dishes off the belt and stacks them, one person washes them and sends them through the dish machine, one person cleans the kitchen staff’s dishes, and one person unloads the clean dishes and buses them out.
I normally clean the kitchen staff’s dishes since I know the most about how they need to be cleaned and have generally found I can do it faster, but I also often times hop around to help out wherever.
Last night, a newer worker, Mary (19 F) was unloading the belt and Kylie (19 F) was washing the dishes.
Mary got pretty behind on the belt, so I traded with her to try to get us back on track and had her wash kitchen dishes. Those began to pile up pretty quickly too, and I was able to tell that we’d either have to stay late to finish or leave the morning with a huge stack of dishes to start.
I wanted to get us home on time and not pile up for morning so I said I was going to see if the SMs had anyone they could send back to help.
Mary asked me not to, she seemed really flustered and embarrassed and wanted to get through it on her own.
I told her that I understood and was apologetic, I don’t like asking for help either, but I explained to her that for us to finish on time, with a reasonable amount of work left for the morning I needed to get us help, and so I went out and asked the SMs for help, just saying that the dish room needed it, and they were able to send two people back.
With the two extra people, we were able to get through everything and close on time. When we were leaving work, Mary angrily asked why I didn’t listen to her wishes about not getting help and saying she didn’t need it. I was pretty tired and wanted to go home, so I just apologized again but told her this job wasn’t about protecting our egos, it was about getting our work done, and sometimes we need help to do it.
My friends have told me I was the jerk for overriding her wishes despite not having an official position higher than hers to do so, and being curt with her at the end. Was I the jerk for ignoring her wishes and getting us help anyway?”
26. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law The Truth About What His Kids Feel About Being Adopted?
“My sister married Brian 11 months ago. She has been in a relationship with him for almost 3 years. When they met he was a single father to Jonah (now 8) and Cadie (now 7). Their mom walked out when Cadie was a baby and they have no contact with her.
My sister has mentioned to parts of our family before that she wants to adopt the kids. She said she was going to bring it up to her husband when they were close to a year married, because per the state laws you must be married at least a year to adopt stepchildren.
She has obviously talked about it enough for the kids to know what she wants. During a recent birthday party for my dad, the kids told me they didn’t really wanna be adopted and how they like things being as they are now, and they’re not sure they want those kinds of changes in their lives.
The big change for them is their grandparents. They have always been secure knowing that if their dad isn’t around for any reason, they can be with them, and they love their grandparents so much. Neither wants that to change. They said they came to me because they know I have experience with it.
Which I do. My sister’s mom adopted me. She and my dad were married, had my sister, they divorced, dad married my mom, she died when I was five and then he remarried my sister’s mom. I think they saw me as a safe person but I think they also worry my sister would take things the same way her mom took my feelings about being adopted.
I spoke to my BIL. He said he had wondered how his kids would feel and he suspected they would not have been honest with him. He thanked me for my honesty. About a week later my sister called and told me she’s not adopting the kids and it’s all my fault.
She called me spiteful and told me I had destroyed her kids’ lives by taking away their chance to have a mom for the first time in their lives. BIL found out what she said and he told me not to worry about it and reassured me I did the right thing.
Afterward, she told me I had betrayed her and I had put my sick and twisted beliefs on her children.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Best Friend Because Of Her Mom's Post About Me?
“Over the past few months, I’ve slowly been distancing myself from my former best friend after she constantly gets out of hanging out with me or doing something she doesn’t want to do. It got to a point that I had not seen her outside of school for almost 2 years.
Before this, I had purchased concert tickets and said she could possibly join me. But after she bailed on me for multiple events last minute I decided to uninvite her and take my cousin instead.
My rationale was if she couldn’t make time and commit to small things how could I expect her to be able to make it to this concert?
The last thing I wanted was to have to find someone the day before because she quit out on me again.
Now fast forward to this past weekend and I go to the concert and post about it on Snapchat. I don’t think anything about it and go on with my night having a blast with my cousin.
When I come home my mom tells me to look on social media and I see that my former friend’s mom made a post about me. She spoke about how friends don’t bail on each other and the morality of friendship. Basically complaining about how I left her daughter behind.
I found it ironic that everything her mom said about me was exactly how she and her mom were treating me throughout the entire friendship.
Now to my current problem, I come back to school and she asks if I will be taking her home (I always took her home even after we fell through because my mom insisted) I lied and said I couldn’t that day because I was shocked she still wanted one after her mom’s post on social media but now I am seeing her again tomorrow and I definitely don’t want to give her rides home anymore.
I have a whole plethora of reasons why, but this public post about a privet matter from her mom really sealed the deal on me not giving her any freebie rides home. My mom says I’ll be a jerk for making her walk home but I feel like I am justified. I know it’s a small issue compared to others posts but I don’t know what to do or if I am in the right.”
24. AITJ For Making My Son Miss His Prom?
“I have 4 kids. 3 with my ex (Jason 14, Kate 12, Sarah 9) and my niece Camila (16). Camila’s mom had cancer as a teen and it came back when Camila was 6 months old. Camila’s dad was never in the picture so my (then) wife and I were asked to take Camila if her mom gets to a point where she can’t take care of her.
Camila moved in with us shortly after her first birthday and her mom passed a few months after that. Camila always knew that we weren’t her biological parents but we were the only parents she’s ever known.
Then my wife and I got a divorce when Camila was 8 and my ex said she didn’t want anything to do with Camila because Camila isn’t hers.
Camila has severe anxiety and abandonment issues because of that. I’ve had her in therapy since the divorce but it’s never going to go away completely.
One thing that Camila does to calm herself down is suck her thumb. We’ve been trying to break the habit for years and she has boxes of fidgets to play with and special jewelry and pencil toppers to chew on.
These have helped and now she usually only sucks her thumb when she’s at home in her room.
I recently found out that Jason has been bullying Camila for sucking her thumb and for using those necklaces and pencil toppers. When I found out, I grounded him for 2 weeks and took his electronics for a week.
His school’s prom was during the first week so he couldn’t go.
My ex was furious when she found out I grounded Jason. She said he can’t control it because of his ADHD and that if Jason is being punished for this, Camila should be punished for breaking the straw on his water bottle (each of the kids has a reusable water bottle at my house.
These ones have a soft silicone cover on the straw and Camila borrowed Jason’s bottle when he was at his mom’s house and accidentally chewed through the silicone cover. I got it replaced that same day).
Jason’s prom was on Friday and he hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ for making my son miss his prom?”
23. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Travel To Their Dad's Home Country On Their Own?
“I (39 F) divorced my ex-husband (42 M) 8 years ago. We have 2 kids together (19 M, 18 F) that I had sole custody of after their dad became sick.
he’s been getting treated for his medical condition in his home country and recently I’ve been told his health is declining. My ex-MIL called me asking if I could let the kids come to visit their dad for a few days. She said she would handle tickets and expenses.
I was a bit taken aback by her request. I said I was sorry I wasn’t feeling comfortable letting the kids travel alone. She told me she could book me a tick too but I said I was too busy to literally travel to another country.
She asked me to be more considerate and understand that her son misses his kids and wants to see them, I suggested that they video call him like they always do, but she told me that her son cried about wanting them there in person so he could hug them and smell them.
She said his mental and emotional well-being depends on it because of concerns about his declining health.
I talked to the kids and they said they wanted to go but I didn’t feel comfortable letting them travel on their own despite grandmother’s assurance about taking care of the travel expenses.
But the kids have never been on a flight out of the country on their own and so I think it’s a valid reason to be concerned, especially since they have never been to this place before.
Ex-MIL started berating me after I gave her my final answer.
She told me that I should be prepared to take full responsibility if the kids don’t get to see their dad potentially one last time but I figured from her tone that she keeps coming up with excuses to guilt me into letting the kids go.
The kids are upset over the fact that I am seemingly treating them as small children but that was not why I said no.
ETA: the country in question is Spain. I am worried more about the idea of the kids traveling alone than anything else.
Their dad used to come visit but that stopped once he got very sick.”
22. AITJ For Saving The Day By Ordering Food?
“My wife is 24 weeks pregnant.
A few weeks ago, my boss said that we would be having a meeting with a foreign client yesterday to sign a deal. He said that this meeting would be a deciding factor in whether the client would sign a contract with us or not.
He said that it would be nice if I could host the client at my home. I tried explaining to him that my wife is pregnant and it would be very inconvenient for us to host. He then went on to say that I’d get a promotion if we managed to get this client.
I obviously didn’t want to let go of the opportunity because it would be a significant raise in pay which would help me and my wife become better financially. So I said yes.
I came home and told my wife about it. She took it surprisingly well and said that she doesn’t have a problem with them coming home.
She then said that she wants to cook for them all. Now about 10 people would be coming and I felt like it would be too much work for her. I am the cook at home because my wife doesn’t cook that well. I obviously don’t mind cooking all the time since I like to cook plus she does other chores to make up for it.
So because of those 2 reasons, I told her that it would be easier to just order food from outside. She outright refused and said that it’s highly impolite to serve restaurant food to guests when we’re hosting. I then offered to help her cook to minimize the kitchen blunders but she refused to let me help her either.
So I went ahead and ordered the food from a nice restaurant 2 days before the meeting without telling her. The day of the meeting when I came home, my wife was sitting in the living room and was crying her eyes out. When I asked her what happened she said that the food got burnt and there was nothing to serve the guests.
I consoled her and then told her that I’d ordered food from outside and it will be arriving soon. She got suspicious and asked me how I managed to make a bulk order so fast. I had no choice but to tell her the truth.
She was royally mad and has been ignoring me since then.
My boss and the client liked the food a lot and we snagged the deal. My boss was super excited and told me that I’ll be getting a 25% pay raise and that he’d talk to the higher-ups about giving me a promotion.
I don’t know how to convince my wife since she’s still angry and is refusing to talk to me.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Wife's Parents To Our Late Daughter's Funeral?
“My (23 M) wife, Layna (22 F), and I got married in May 2020, and had a baby girl, Lita Remington, on October 10th, 2021, and are expecting another baby in early September. Lita was the most perfect, precious little baby I’d ever seen in my life.
She had the most beautiful blue eyes just like her mama, and was just the biggest ray of sunshine. We were extremely low contact with Layna’s parents (my in-laws) as she had a very troubling and abusive upbringing that I will not be getting into, but I will say is quite literally the most messed up and heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard.
We are both very close with my parents, and they absolutely adore Layna.
Our entire world came crashing on March 27, 2022, when we found Lita in her crib gasping for air. We rushed her to the hospital and called my parents on the way there. They arrived at the hospital 20 minutes after we did.
We prayed nonstop for days and spent most of the time Lita was in hospital kneeling around her bed to pray. The doctors fought so hard for our sunshine, but on March 31, 2022, she passed away due to respiratory failure.
I’ll never understand why our sunshine had to be taken away.
If you’ve never heard a mother wailing for her child, I pray you never will. Layna’s sobs are still burnt into my brain. Of course, we are both devastated. We decided it would be best for me and my parents to plan Lita’s funeral, and, of course, we didn’t invite Layna’s parents.
Around a week ago, after the funeral had been said and done, we shared Lita’s obituary on social media, which Layna’s parents are able to view. Almost the entirety of Layna’s side of the family is furious that Layna’s parents found out at the same time as the ‘distinct cousins & excommunicated addict uncles’.
I feel that her parents didn’t deserve to be there or even be treated as her grandparents, but Layna & I are questioning the decision.”
20. AITJ For Denying Being Someone's Significant Other?
“I am 18 F and the guy ‘A’ is 21 M. We are part of the same ‘social group’ and share mutual friends (but we are not really friends).
Last month, my best friend moved into her own apartment away from her abusive family. We had a mini-celebration at her flat with me, her, ‘A’, and 6 other people (a total of 5 females, 4 males).
We had drinks and took some photos. I took a lot with my best friend and a few of my closest friends, and before we left, we took a group photo.
I stood next to ‘A’ because I was the shortest and he was the second shortest of the group.
A few of us posted the photos on Instagram later that day and that was that. 2 days ago, I got a bunch of guys messaging me if ‘A’ and I were together and I was so confused. I asked my best friend and she sent me a screenshot of what guy ‘A’ posted.
There were a total of 4 pics he uploaded, and the first was of his new car, the second of his car parts. I am not sure, and the third photo of the two of us cropped out of the group shot and the last pic of his university entrance.
He captioned it ‘Life at 21; living the dream’.
I was creeped out by this. We’ve never had a conversation together and I was uncomfortable with the idea that he cropped everyone out of the group shot to make it look like we took it together.
I asked for his phone number and I contacted him saying either he could delete the post or repost it with me cropped out. He got upset with me, and told me it wasn’t a big deal and that I was being narcissistic because ‘if I was some Instagram model you would have begged for that’.
I got mad so I went on Instagram and uploaded a picture of the group shot, his post, and wrote the disclaimer that I wasn’t with him and that he was being a creep. I wrote in all caps ‘I AM NOT HIS PARTNER! HE’S JUST BEING A CREEP’.
A lot of the people in my comments told me I was taking it too far, and that I was being too harsh and humiliating him. He also blew up my phone saying that I humiliated him and ruined his social life. All his family and new uni friends saw it and I feel lowkey like I did take it too far, I have a lot of followers 25K and I think I shamed him too publically…
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Justifying My Husband's Son's Hatred Toward Him?
“I (35 M) married my husband (36 M) 5 years ago (We have a child, 1 F), but we started going out 10 years ago.
My husband has a son (16 M) from a previous relationship. When I met him, he only paid child support and never fought for custody. As I didn’t know the circumstances, I didn’t say anything since that was my husband’s business.
I met this child when he was six because I pushed my husband, (then-partner) to let me do it, my husband was hostile to this boy and never tried to bond, the child was also hostile (but who could blame him) when we got a little bit more serious I obligated my husband to do something special for him, so we took him to Disneyland Paris like 3 times on his birthday, but then he got a little older and started rejecting my husband even more, so we just stopped because he didn’t want.
We didn’t talk for around four years. He is 16 now and contacted me out of the blue, requesting my help. He had a huge fight with his mom’s husband and he kicked my stepson out of the house. He asked me for money to find a place to stay but I told him to come here (and I wouldn’t let a teenager go to look for a place of his own).
Our house has four bedrooms and we only use 2 so if you make the maths he can perfectly stay without any problem, I didn’t tell my husband.
When he got home, he saw his son and didn’t say anything to him, then he came to me to ask me what was going on, so I explained. He wasn’t happy about the idea but had to accept (after all this is 50% my house).
We had the first argument when he tried to make Raphaël babysit for our daughter because I didn’t agree, then our second argument:
Raphaël and my husband had an argument and my husband came to me to complain about his son’s behavior he also complains about how his son doesn’t even act on how much Raphaël hates him and wanted to send him to live with his grandparents (my in-laws) I refused since we have enough space for him to stay with us.
‘But he hates me’, my husband yelled.
Then I told him: ‘And, can you blame him? You’ve been a deadbeat father who showed no interest in him, your son is more than right to hate you’.
Then he called me a jerk for restraining his authority over his son and also for ‘justifying his hatred’.
I am not here to be judged for letting him in, because I don’t regret it. Raphaël went thru severe depression and also tried drinking at a young age (thank heaven he stopped) and I want to help him, he’s a smart and sensitive boy, he is just misunderstood.
But I’d like to know if you think I went too far by ‘Your son is right to hate you’ because my husband speaks the bare minimum and ignores me, it’s been 5 days and he seems to be still angry at me.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Reporting The People Who Are Coming Into My Studio?
“I am in my school’s College of Arts in the painting program.
It’s an extremely small program so all of the painting and drawing kids know each other. We all have our studios in the same building on the same floor and we’re the only eight people who know the code on the door, so we only ever see each other here.
Around two weeks ago when my classmates and I came in for class we noticed that the main door to the building that’s usually locked had been propped open and some of our studios had obviously been sifted through. Some of my classmates’ belongings were missing entirely including expensive painting materials and other personal belongings.
Obviously, this was concerning to us, as we were the only people who should’ve been in the building. We closed the door and put up signs asking for our stuff to be returned and not to enter the building without permission.
A few days after the initial incident we finally actually saw someone trying to get into the building and confronted them.
They told us their professor (who, for context, is not in the school of painting and drawing) had given them permission to use our floor for their project. We told them we really weren’t comfortable with them being in our studios because we practically live there but they could use the empty studios downstairs if they wanted. They agreed and said it was reasonable and we didn’t hear from them again for a week or so.
Yesterday when my classmates and I came in to work everything had changed. Our stuff had once again been moved, they had nailed things into the walls, and they had even locked us out of our lecture hall. We were obviously irritated. This wasn’t what we had agreed on, so we finally decided to ask our professor about it.
Apparently, the other professor had never told the painting and drawing professors that she would be using our building, so my professor decided to email the dean and tell him what was going on. The dean had been asked to use our building and he had agreed based on the premise that they would be respectful of our spaces and clean up after themselves after the project had finished. He didn’t feel the need to tell us they were coming because he had assumed they were going to follow his rules.
That brings us to a few hours ago. Some of my classmates and I were in our studios working on paintings. We heard the door open. It was the professor and she was mad. My studio is closest to the main door so she immediately turned to me and went off.
I wasn’t listening super well if I am being honest because I was kind of in shock, but she was really angry. My classmates and I really weren’t trying to be rude, we were mostly just freaked out when they touched our stuff.
Now I am questioning if we were wrong to tell the dean because they technically did have permission to be in here. Was I right to tell the dean?”
17. AITJ For Causing My Cousin To Be Hated By Our Family?
“So when I (24 f) was 7 or 8 my cousin came to live with us. She was about 12 and her dad had died, leaving her basically orphaned because her mom abandoned her.
I’ll try to keep it short because I could go on all day about how awful and toxic she was but basically, she was ungrateful for everything, she spread lies about my family, she stole, she was verbally abusive to my family but acted sweet to everyone else and so much more that I can’t even go into.
Because I was the youngest in my family and closest in age to her I got the worst of the situation.
When she had been at college for a year or two she came home to visit and asked to borrow my straightener that I had saved up for.
She returned it with shattered plates. I told my mom and that was the last straw for her. My mom shut off my cousin’s phone and said she would no longer pay for it and she told my cousin she was no longer welcome in our family.
8 years have gone by and she hasn’t been welcome to any family function, or home at all since. Whenever she’s brought up in conversation all of my siblings talk about how glad they are that she’s not there. The last holdout was my oldest brother but he changed his tune pretty quickly when she started a horrible life-ruining rumor about him and shared it all over social media a year or two ago.
My mom and dad have stayed in contact with her. Giving her money when she needs it and such. My dad has always felt terrible about her situation and I just recently found out that every time a holiday comes up he mentions asking me if we can invite my cousin and my mom says not to bring her up to me.
Ever. My mom always knew my cousin was terrible to me but didn’t know about the extent of her terribleness until after the fact. I had no idea that the only reason my cousin wasn’t invited was because of me. I thought it was a general understanding that no one wanted her there but apparently every year my dad specifically asks if he can ask me.
We raised her like a sibling and I am sure it hurts being unwelcome by the people you grew up with. She has other family but they all refuse to take her because after she was banned from our family gathering she took her toxicity to theirs.
It sheds new light on feeling terrible knowing that she’s had no family for 8 years because of me.
So AITJ?
Edit for important information: My cousin was taken to multiple therapists over the years. My parents even went as far as driving her 2.5 hours once a week to a therapist after she was no longer welcome at the therapists that were in our small town.
Every therapy ended with either her getting kicked out for being terrible and nasty to the therapist or her refusing to go anymore because they were holding her accountable for her actions.”
16. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Wife The Truth About Our Being Distant?
“My dad practically gave me up to his sister from the moment I (27 M) was born.
My mom died when she was giving birth to me. And my aunt told me he never recovered from that because he blamed me for her dying.
It hurt a lot as a kid that at family events he would ignore my existence. When I was a little older he got more vocal about me ‘killing’ her and he can’t stand to look at my face.
You can imagine the amount of therapy that put me in. I used to go to church crying because I was scared about not going to heaven for doing that to my mom. That’s how much his words screwed me up. But the trashy part was that I never stopped trying to be accepted by him.
After my high school graduation, he told me to never bother him again since he legally has no obligation to me anymore (since he was sending my aunt payment to take care of me). Around that time is when I finally started accepting that reality so from there we moved on with our lives.
My aunt doesn’t talk to me about him. Sometimes my grandparents do and that’s how I found out he got married. They were mad he didn’t invite me to their wedding but to me, it didn’t matter because we’re not close.
But it was his wife who wanted to meet me. It’s the first time ever that he wants to make contact and it was to pretty much say she wants me on their life. She doesn’t know the real reason about why we’re estranged, he asked me to please not say anything and maybe this could be a way to reconcile after all.
But he was only doing it for her. That much was clear when we talked. I never said I would be he still insisted on us meeting at their place because she really wanted to meet me. All she thinks is we were estranged for not getting along in my teenage years, going to college, and losing touch because of ‘life stuff.’ It annoyed me that he played it off as us just not talking for petty reasons meanwhile the actual reason damaged me for years.
I told her the truth. Everything he said to me. That he was never a parent to me, that was all my aunt. It was definitely a shock for her. The outcome was a disaster. Everyone has heard about this now. My grandma in particular told me she understands my anger.
But this was his chance to find someone since losing my mom and now it’s been put in jeopardy.
My dad is devastated. They think it was going too far to ruin his marriage that way when he was willing to include me in their lives which could have been the start of our relationship.
And they say not only did I ruin that but also possibly wrecked his marriage. She just doesn’t agree at all with what he did and it could’ve been avoided if I didn’t say anything.
For me, it was hard not to tell the truth after the lies made it seem like it was nothing serious.
I couldn’t ignore what happened after what it did. I don’t know if it was the right call since it put their whole marriage at risk after all.”
15. AITJ For "Motivating" My Sister To Work Harder At School?
“I am a college student (21 F) in my sixth semester. I have a sister, two years younger than me, and she’s in her second.
We both have very different track records. I am an honor student on the Dean’s list and recently got accepted into the same honor society as my mom.
My sister failed two classes her first semester and ended up losing her scholarship- the minimum GPA to keep it was 2.0, and she had a 1.7.
She’s always had a rough time with school, while it’s always been easy for me. I am headed towards a career as a scientist, while she’s hoping to become a dancer.
I am also more levelheaded and studious – she tends to get emotional very easily, and she often procrastinates schoolwork until the last day. She says it helps her work better, but I think it’s affecting her grades.
Apparently, the reason she failed her classes and lost her scholarship is because of the degree.
She takes several dance lessons a week and wanted to get a degree in it. But me and the rest of our family suggested that she try something more stable that she can support herself with. In the end, she went into the culinary program since she loves to bake.
Somehow, she ended up hating the class. She claims she was depressed because of the high standards and the overly critical chef. She says this led to her not being able to keep up well with her other classes, but to be honest I think she just procrastinated too long and missed assignments.
She’s a little on the lazy side when it comes to schoolwork. She’s switched to a theatre degree with a heavy focus on dance, and she seems happier, although she’s mentioned still struggling with her work (to a lesser degree than last semester, however.)
Tonight our mom, in a conversation about colleges, mentioned the scholarship that most people rely on – the one my sister lost – and I saw a good chance to (gently!) motivate her to work a bit harder this semester. I did NOT say anything specifically about her.
All I said was that I didn’t see how people could lose that scholarship – the GPA is the bare minimum someone should be able to do. It should be easy for someone to keep up a 2.0 if they’re trying even a little.
I did not intend to hurt my sister! She’s a sassy girl and has thick skin. I thought she would take it as I meant it – a gentle ‘Hey, take it from someone who’s doing well, whatever you’re doing isn’t working.’ But she started crying and went upstairs.
She’s been up there ever since in her bedroom, dancing with her earbuds in, and won’t let anyone talk to her.
I am wondering if I was too harsh on her. But I honestly don’t understand how ‘being sad’ made her fail TWO classes, one of which wasn’t even culinary!
It really shouldn’t have been hard keeping up a 2.0 GPA And she’s even struggling this semester. I am trying, the only way I know how to help my sister succeed. Should I have been nicer about it though?”
14. AITJ For Preventing My Brother From Being Misled By Me Classmate?
“I (22 F) and my brother (20 M) are attending different colleges, but they’re both in the same city. I am classmates with this guy (22 M), let’s call him ‘David’. He’s really handsome, fit, and smart, but also quite the player. Most of my female friends have had one-night stands with him and there are rumors going around about him sleeping with half the college, including some of the teachers.
So imagine my surprise when I found out that my brother started going out with him. Yeah, he hasn’t kept it a secret that he’s bi and that he experimented with guys before, but I seriously didn’t expect my brother of all people to be his type.
I seriously thought they were gonna break up pretty fast, as David doesn’t seem like the type to settle down easily, but surprisingly, he and my brother are still together after over half a year. And my brother has become really annoying during this period, pretty much all he’s doing now is gush about David and act like he’s the best thing since sliced bread, not to mention how he’s following him like a puppy whenever they go together to an event.
Yesterday was my brother’s birthday and he once again kept praising David, this time about his cooking skills. Apparently, he made him a special dinner and birthday cake, which I said seemed cheap and it’s kinda worrying that his own significant other doesn’t want to spend money on him.
My brother intervened and said that he never really liked the material gifts for his birthday and he’s so glad that David picked up on that and was willing to put so much effort to make his birthday truly special, which really made him hopeful about their future together.
I, however, wasn’t impressed and told my brother that he should hold his horses and that David isn’t the type to settle down and he’s probably just an ‘experiment’ to him.
My brother asked me what I was talking about and I told him about how he used to sleep with pretty much everyone in college before they started going out and that there are even rumors about him sleeping with teachers just to keep his grades high.
And considering that his grades haven’t lowered since they started going out, I would be on guard around him if I was in his place. My brother went silent and pretty much stopped talking with me for the rest of the day, but at night I got a message from David telling me to stop spreading ‘fake’ rumors about him and to stop trying to sabotage his relationship with my brother.
However, I don’t really think I was doing any of that, all I did was just warn my brother about the possibility of getting misled by David down the line, but David doesn’t see things that way and thinks I am actively trying to sabotage them.
So AITJ for expressing my concerns to my brother ?”
13. AITJ For Not Allowing Kids Into My Yard?
“I (F 35) am unmarried and child-free (I don’t like children). I have lived in my current house that I purchased in my mid-20s. My house has a backyard that doesn’t have a fence with my next-door neighbor making it look like one big shared yard (it’s not).
A few months ago the old man next door died and the house was bought by a family with three kids, 2 of the kids are quite young (8-12) and the third I think is an adult who I sometimes see leave for work early in the morning when I go for a walk.
When they first arrived I went over while they were unpacking to tell them that I didn’t want them or their children crossing over into my property, they were quite rude and told me that they were busy and that they would talk later, however, I have had nothing more to do with them since.
Yesterday, I was in my kitchen when I noticed that the two smaller kids were tossing a ball around in their yard, I went out and sternly reminded them that they were not to come into my yard. I went back inside but kept an eye on them.
A short while later I saw one of them throw the ball past the other one and went into my yard, the one who didn’t catch it then trespassed onto my property to get the ball. I immediately got my phone and called the police (non-emergency line) to report what happened, they came by a short while later to talk to me, and they then went over to my neighbor’s before coming back to me and telling me that they had sorted it.
This morning when I went for my walk I walked past the older son who was putting something in his boot. When he saw me he said ‘You’re a real jerk, you know that?’. I was shocked by his language but kept my composure and ignored him.
When I went over later that morning to tell his mother what he had said to me she said ‘probably because you are’ and threatened to call the police if I didn’t get off their property.
I am beginning to wonder if I went overboard and acted a bit quickly.
Am I the jerk?”
12. AITJ For Leaving My Brother's Wedding Invitation-Addressing Party With My Cupcakes?
“My brother ‘Jerry’ (M 21) and I (F 26) were close for most of our lives.
We’re two of nine adult children in a very dysfunctional family.
Jerry recently got engaged to ‘Jessica’ (F 20). I’ve tried to be welcoming since she started going out with my brother, but she hasn’t really reciprocated. Once the health restrictions were lifted, I hosted a ‘getting to know you’ party to introduce the women in the two families.
I’ve also taken her family to lunch/dinner several times and co-hosted a wedding shower for our extended family. I’ve been careful not to give my opinions on the wedding, and have tried to be supportive as Jerry’s and my parents are causing drama.
Two weeks ago, Jerry called me to say that they were inviting all of their other siblings to be in their wedding party, but they aren’t inviting me.
He didn’t say why. I told him that I wouldn’t be making a fuss and it was their wedding to do with as they choose.
This weekend, Jessica texted me at the last minute to attend an invitation addressing party and to bring a dessert.
I was upset at the request (it was a last-minute invitation to a pre-planned event, and they’d already excluded me from their wedding party), but I decided to make cupcakes and stop by briefly.
When I arrived, Jessica handed me a stack of announcements and gift registry cards for the people who aren’t invited to the wedding.
She also gave me a list of names and addresses of these people. Lo and behold, my name is on the list of non-wedding invitees. I found the list of wedding invitees, and my name isn’t on it so I am truly not invited.
Here’s where I might be the jerk:
1. After realizing I am not invited to the wedding, I took my cupcakes and left the invitation-addressing party. I didn’t make a scene, but I didn’t tell Jessica or her mom (who was hosting) that I was leaving.
2. Jerry texted me about how rude I was to leave when his fiancee needed help and said I was selfish, spoiled, and cheap.
I replied that it was awful for them to demand my help for an event to which I was not invited and that I wasn’t going to be involved in any drama.
3. Jerry and Jessica went to my apartment yesterday while I was gone. They slammed on the door and yelled in the windows, so my next-door neighbors (who don’t know him called 911.
J & J managed to talk their way out of trouble but texted me angrily. I told them they caused a disturbance in my building and not to come over again.
4. J & J came to my work today, told the receptionist we had a family emergency, and made her pull me out of a meeting.
Once it was clear that no one was dead or injured, I told them to leave and not come to my work again.
My entire family thinks I am the jerk. I think the bride and groom can determine who they want to invite to their wedding/bridal party, but they can’t demand unpaid time, labor, and hosting from non-invitees.”
11. AITJ For Choosing My Stepdad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My (27 F) bio dad (62 M) left my mom (60 F) when I was 10 months old. It was a whole convoluted ordeal, but things boil down to:
1. My mom has postpartum depression after having my brother (31 M).
2. She recovers but gets worried when pregnant with my sister (29 F).
3. My dad had an affair a few times with a coworker while she was pregnant with my sister.
4. After my sister was born they separate for a few months but come back together, though they continue to have troubles.
5. I am conceived to save their marriage (spoiler: I do not).
6. Mom begins an emotional affair with my stepfather (58 M).
7. I am born.
8. Bio dad leaves for good and files for divorce.
9. Mom moves me and my siblings in with my stepdad.
10. Divorce is finalized.
My bio dad was not a big part of my childhood. He was always cold with me compared to my siblings and kept trying to prove that I wasn’t his kid. (We’ve had DNA tests done… I am.) My brother and sister have always had a good relationship with him.
On the flip side, I have a great relationship with my stepdad. He’s been more of a father to me than my bio dad my entire life. My siblings are much colder to my stepdad because they think of him as being the person who split my parents up.
(Which he’s not… The dissolution of the marriage is on my mom and my bio dad and they’re much better off apart.) In the past few years, I reconciled with my bio dad and we do have a relationship.
I am currently planning my wedding with my fiancé (33 M).
My sister is going to be my maid of honor and my brother is one of the groomsmen. I was going over plans with my sister and mentioned that my stepdad would be walking me down the aisle. She was MAD. Started ranting about how I am ungrateful and a bad daughter to my bio dad.
She left in a huff. A few hours I got a call from my bio dad saying he won’t be going to the wedding if he was not walking me down the aisle, how having my stepdad walk down the aisle would humiliate him, and how if I care about him I will let him walk down the aisle.
I told him that I’d rather not have him be there than not have my stepdad walk me. He hung up on me and has been cold.
This has split my family. My sister’s on my dad’s side, my brother says he won’t get involved. My mom and stepdad have told me that they think that I should let my dad walk me to keep the peace but my fiancé and I agree that we’d rather have me walk down the aisle alone than have him do it.
I am getting a lot of messages from my bio dad’s side of my family calling me out and telling me that I am a jerk for depriving my bio dad of this.
So… AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Accusing My Husband Of Being Lazy For Hiring A Cleaning Service?
“My (33 F) husband (34 M) struggles to consistently help out around the house. We both have full-time jobs and no kids, but both our jobs are well over 40 hours a week and require a lot of nights and weekends. Because of this, we try to clean/do things around the house when we can fit them in, and it’s usually not at the same time as each other.
The only thing he will do consistently is the dishes, which I really appreciate. But when it comes to the rest of the house, I end up doing everything! We have a lot of pets so the house needs constant vacuuming and mopping. I bring this up to him all the time and he promises to get better, but three days later he’s back to doing nothing.
He will frequently use the excuse ‘I didn’t know what needed to be done, You didn’t say you needed help with anything’. I tell him to just look around. If something looks dirty, clean it – I keep reminding him I am not his mom and I should have to create ‘chore lists’ for him.
It’s not difficult.
Anyway, after a long week of work, I was fried and begged him to take over most of the cleaning this weekend. He understood and agreed. The next day I come home to find he has ordered a cleaning service to clean the house, while he hung out for the day.
I was upset with him and accused him of being lazy. His reasoning was that he could see how stressed I was, and wanted to give us an opportunity to relax together this weekend. I was still mad and did not talk to him for the rest of the day.
We had a few fights over it, and he genuinely can’t understand why I am getting so mad at him for ‘buying a gift’ for the both of us.
AITJ for getting upset? I feel like he was trying to skirt a responsibility that I usually do myself almost every day.
Is it too much to ask for him to take over the chores that day without having to pay someone to do it for him?
UPDATE: We cannot afford to hire a cleaning service. The one-time expense did not break the bank, but we definitely have to adjust our budget this month to account for it.
And it is 100% not something we can afford going forward.
Update 2: The cleaning was $500.”
9. AITJ For Not Helping A Classmate With An Assignment?
“I (21 f) am currently in my 2nd year of uni. In Jan, it was time to submit our assignments. One assignment was a 4000-word piece on a particular unit.
This is 30% of our second-year overall grade. R (20 f) is in my course and failed to turn up to most of our lessons till about halfway through term/early-mid November ‘due to a timetable error’. She used this same reason back in our first year for other lessons.
R had no clue what the assignment was. She approached me, my friends, and some others in the class for help during the lesson. We kindly explained what we are meant to be doing. I stated if she is worried about what she is meant to be doing, to talk to our lecturer and maybe apply for an extension.
She asked if I minded if I stayed behind this class with her so she had someone with her while she talked to our lecturer. I said sure as I wanted to ask my lecturer a question too. When the lesson finished, I stood in the class looking for her, I later learned from my friends that she high-tailed it out of the room.
My lecturer asked me what the commotion was earlier and I explained that someone didn’t get the assignment seeing as they haven’t been in class due to timetable issues. He said for me to tell them to get in touch as they are going to be really struggling.
I agreed, asked my question, and left
I later get a message from R on Insta asking if I talked to the lecturer for her. I asked her why she left and she said ‘My phone was dying and I needed it to see where I was going next’.
I didn’t know what to believe really. Tell her that I mentioned to our lecturer someone was having some trouble and that he requested you talk to him for some 1:1 advice. She got a bit iffy with me saying ‘But that’s what I asked you to do for me’.
I told her no, that I would be there while you asked him for advice, but that I would not be doing things for you. She left me on read.
R does not show up for many lessons after that. About a month and a half later just after Xmas, I get another message from R, asking if she could see my portfolio right now because ‘She wants to see if she’s doing it right and for reference’.
I tell her no and that I don’t feel comfortable doing that and that if she really needs a reference, the marking criteria are available on the uni website and example papers, and that I wish her luck. She starts typing to respond but I put my phone on silent and logged off Insta.
I was done with her, annoyed and creeped by her request but I focused on my own stuff and tried not to worry about it.
This Friday we got our marks back. I passed with flying colors, as did most in class, except R, who failed. R messaged me on social media and went on a tirade telling me if I had just helped her out like I said I would, she wouldn’t fail and I am to blame for why she got such a low mark.
I don’t think I could have handled the situation any better. It’s more my conscience telling me maybe I didn’t do enough. AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom I'm Going Through With The Pregnancy?
“I am not a teenager. I am in my 30s and my husband and I had just decided to be child-free until an accident because a failure happened and oops I am pregnant. Anyways…
When I just found out I was scared and was not sure if I wanted to go through with the pregnancy.
I thought I would confide in my mom that I was not ready to be a parent hoping for some sound non-judgmental advice (stupid choice now thinking about it as she was always asking us to have kids and saying people who don’t have kids are selfish)!
She ended up telling me everyone is scared (I am 18 weeks and still scared) I need to******* up and go to work, and that I wasn’t going to ‘ruin her day because my day is bad’. She told me if I didn’t go through with the pregnancy, my husband and I would have problems (for your information, my husband supported me if I didn’t want to go through with the pregnancy).
Anyways after this, my mom was constantly texting my husband about how I was and ended up telling him that ‘I needed help (even though she told me not to talk to a counselor because they would talk me into terminating my pregnancy) and everyone is scared and she wished I never told her anything cause it’s her grandbaby’.
My husband got tired of her talking down about me and told her we needed space and that it is no wonder she doesn’t have a good relationship with me because I couldn’t even get non-judge mental advice from
my mother. She ended up texting back and saying she was going to call my work because I am depressed and shouldn’t work around children, she wants to take the dog she rehomed to me back because I am not safe, and that my husband and I both needed help.
Ever since then, I have not talked to her. She didn’t tell us Merry Christmas. My husband and I decided to be one and done and go through with the pregnancy she has only texted my husband to tell him not to take it out on my siblings (I don’t know what she meant by ‘they’re full-grown adults’.
I just haven’t told them because I know it would get back around to her) and I haven’t told her yet because 1.) She has told me in the past if anyone tried to keep her grandchildren from her she would go to court as there is a ‘grandparents law’ and 2.) My husband and I believe she isn’t deserving to know at this point.
She has only texted my husband to ask how our dog is and has posted on her Instagram a Tiktok of two people meeting their grandchild saying ‘Some people are so blessed this will never be us’. We’ve blocked her since. 3.) We don’t want any harassment during my pregnancy and even after.
So am AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Paying For My Mom's Plastic Surgery But Not Helping My Partner Pay Off Her College Debt?
“My (26 M) mom (54 F) has always been insecure about her body. My mom isn’t ugly by any means she’s beautiful in my eyes.
But my mom recently told me that she was considering plastic surgery for a long time but couldn’t because she had to prioritize her money on raising me. She didn’t ask me for money or anything. I asked her if she was sure about it, and she said she was.
So, I got a full-ride scholarship to college and I am pretty financially stable myself. So, I thought it would be nice if I paid for it. My mom said it wasn’t necessary but I insisted because I wanted to do something nice for her.
My mom got breast implants and a facelift I paid for it fully.
She said, she was really grateful and thanked me. Honestly, I was really happy for her because it gave her self-esteem the boost that she needed. She was very happy as well and everything was fine.
But when my partner got to know about this she was upset. She told me I should’ve let her know before I decided to do anything. She told me she couldn’t believe I wasted my money on something like that. She said it was unfair and that I could’ve used it to help her pay off her college debt which would’ve been more useful.
I tried to explain it to her but she didn’t listen and called my mom fake and told me she needs to get over her insecurities.
Most of my friends also took my partner’s side on this one and said helping my partner pay off her college debt is a lot more important than my mom’s plastic surgery and are calling me a jerk.
I am not sure if I did something wrong here I don’t see what was wrong with paying for my mom’s plastic surgery. It helped her get over he insecurities and I am really happy about it because she is feeling better now. So, my question is AITJ for this?
EDIT: My partner and I have been together for over a year now and we decided to move in together a few months ago. Also, I don’t share a joint account with my partner or anything. But she thinks I should’ve helped her pay off her debt because I am financially doing better than her.”
If you had been together for years or were married, I would have answered differently but a relationship of one year with no commitment gives no assurance that it will last a long time.
6. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Seat At The Subway?
“School began for me (15 F) a few days ago. I live outside of the big city where the school is in, so I have to take public transportation to get there and come back. I was on the subway, and a mother (who seemed in her thirties) with a baby asked for my seat.
I would have immediately given it to her, as I’ve done in the past both on subways and buses because my parents taught me to give away my seat to mothers with newborns, pregnant women, elderly people, and kids. But the situation here was different.
There were two free seats just a few steps away, and I had to lift and carry my quite heavy backpack. I asked her if she could just sit on those free seats but she told me they were too far away and she couldn’t walk much with her baby in her arms. I told her that I had a heavy backpack that weighed a few kilos and she told me her baby was surely much heavier.
I was stunned as I know how much a baby weighs since I have cousins that I’ve seen grow up who are now 5 years old. I’ve always been able to lift them even when I was younger, and this baby was just a few months old.
I am pretty sure a baby that age doesn’t weigh 15 kg (my backpack weighed so much last Wednesday that my mother wanted to check how much it weighed on the weight scale). And I understand you want the nearest seat from the door you got on/will get off by, but we were talking about just two meters.
I told her that I was pretty sure my backpack was heavier and that she should hurry and take a seat since it could get picked up by anyone.
She started raising her voice, telling me how I was such a spoiled and entitled kid and that surely my parents had always let me do what I wanted and other things when I stopped listening to her.
I got so scared. I am young, and I also have a bit of social anxiety. Even in a school with professors that I’ve known for two years and I like I stutter and get anxious. I was on the verge of tears, so I couldn’t defend myself anymore.
At that point, I would have given my seat away but apparently, she already needed to get off.
I didn’t tell anyone in my family. I reflected on it by myself but I am unsure if I should have done this or not.
AITJ for not giving her my seat?”
5. AITJ For Leaving My Unconscious Husband On Our Lawn?
“My (F 30) and my husband (M 32) have a toddler together (M 4). Our property has no fence. I was inside, my husband was sitting on the porch watching our son, and our son was playing on the lawn.
All of a sudden, I heard my kid wailing and I rushed outside. He had fallen and scraped his knee. I saw my husband head over before me which makes sense because he was closer than I was, but when he squatted down to help, he fainted. The exact timing is unclear.
I don’t know if he squatted and then fainted or fainted mid-squat, I just know he was passed out on the grass by the time I got there.
My husband is squeamish, he doesn’t like gore, and b***d makes him uncomfortable. I knew this when we dated and I knew it when we married. He’s fainted before (we dated in college and he faints at vomit as well) and he usually comes to shortly after.
We’ve been together 10 years and I’ve seen him faint maybe three times including this instance. Anyway, he passed out on the grass and my son was still screaming so I picked him up and carried him inside. When I was dressing his wound, my husband came in a couple minutes later angry that I left him unconscious and unattended on our lawn.
We don’t live in a dangerous neighborhood, we’re friends with our neighbors, he was dressed for the weather because he was sitting on the porch outside anyway, and we live in an area where the climate doesn’t fluctuate too much so I didn’t feel there was a risk of hypothermia/heat stroke.
It was maybe 70 degrees and clear which is why we let our son play outside.
It only takes a couple minutes to dress my son’s wound and kiss it better so I would’ve checked on my husband shortly after but my husband says I should never leave someone unconscious and unattended. I agree with his point generally, but if there are only two of us present and our son is hurt, I don’t see what the big deal is.
He thinks I should have left our son with him while I go inside to get the bandages and dress his wound on the lawn OR take my son inside, get the bandages, and bring him back out to dress his wound on the lawn.
I guess the last idea makes sense, but as a mom with a crying kid, I didn’t think about it that deeply. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Tipping The Server?
“I (21 M) and my friends (22 F, 23 M, 24 M, 21 F) went out to eat for my friend’s (22 F) birthday. We get a few rounds of drinks and then order our appetizers and entrees at the same time, and I made sure to tell our server to please pace the meal so that our apps and entrees were not served with each other.
The apps come and 5 minutes after that, all of our entrees were being served. Now all of us were a little frustrated given the fact that I told the server to pace the meal appropriately. We asked that they be taken back and that they wait for us to finish our apps.
The server takes the entrees back and 2 min later, a food runner now brings us the same food that we had just sent back. We politely told him that we are still eating our appetizers and so he brings them back to the kitchen again.
So we finish our apps and now are ready for the entrees. About 20 min go by and we have nothing. Our server hadn’t come by to check on us at all and at this point, we were both ready for another round and still hungry.
Finally, only my entree comes out (nobody else’s) and my food is ice cold. I had wrongly assumed that my food was sitting on the hot plate waiting for me as opposed to just off to the side in the kitchen.
Now I had tried calling our server over but she didn’t come over until everyone else got their food.
I told our server that my food was cold and without skipping a beat, she responded with verbatim ‘It’s not cold.’ She hadn’t felt the plate or the food itself and so I was taken aback by the resentment towards me.
So now I was really angry and we end up calling over a manager who is being very nice.
We told her we hadn’t gotten the chance to order another round and she offered to buy this next round for us and take my pasta off the bill. We told her we all wanted a refill on our margaritas.
10 min later our server brings us 5 little shots of tequila and says ‘My manager wanted me to tell you that this is your next round on us’.
Now I was confused because I thought we were getting margs but whatever free booze is free booze. But of course one of my friends goes ‘Oh these were supposed to be margaritas’. Our server looks at us and straight-up says ‘You know what, I am done with you guys’ and walks away.
We see the manager so we ask her for our check because our server was full-on avoiding us at that point. Our server then comes to our table, hands us our check, and is very nice and happy like nothing ever happened. I said ‘Wait I thought you were done with us’ and she replies ‘Oh yea I forgot’ and walks away.
The manager cashes us out, and I was just so angry in the heat of the moment that I stiffed our server out of a tip which I would never do but I felt that it was the only thing I could do just from the disrespect we had gotten.
If we were a pain in the butt I get it but the attitude was straight-up unprofessional.
AITJ for acting this way in this situation?”
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Shut Up Or I'll Kick My Sister Out?
“So after months of planning, I finally managed to move out from my parents’ home. I now live in a condo 4 hrs away from theirs.
Now, my youngest sister is starting college, and her campus happened to be a walking distance from my unit. With the recent surge of kidnapping incidents in my country, my mom asked me to take my sister in. Now, I love my sister, and even I felt worried about her, so I agreed as long as she will split the rent.
My mom agreed to pay for it.
Now I am regretting it.
My mom is a n****r. She will randomly call either of us, asking if we had our meal and if the house is clean already. Worst, she will ask for proof through video call.
Last night, I snapped out. I just came from an intense workout, so I told my sister to make her own meal. She ended up buying a takeout instead. While she was having dinner, my mom called and saw her eating what she deemed as ‘trash’.
When asked why she opted for that, Sis said there was no meal. My mom got angry at me for not preparing a meal and got even angrier when I said I am tired from a workout. She’s like, ‘Then stop working out if you’re gonna complain about being tired from it.’
So I got furious. The main reason why I decided to move out is so to have my own rule. Unfortunately, because my sis is here, I can’t.
I gave her an ultimatum: either she shut up or I’ll kick my sister out. In the first place, I am not her babysitter – not that she needed one because she’s 19.
Obviously, we got into an argument, with my mom saying I am ungrateful because she was still being a mom to me despite us being away. She also mentioned the rent, which I also dismissed since I can pay for it even without her help.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Only Serving My Cake For My Husband's Birthday Dinner?
“Just to be upfront, I don’t like my MIL at all. We do not get along with each other.
We don’t argue and are usually civil but we definitely don’t have any kind of depth in our relationship.
It was my husband’s birthday yesterday and I organized a birthday dinner for him with his family and his closest friends at a restaurant.
I wrote in the GC that I would be bringing the cake and had ordered some balloons to decorate the table which would be taken by my husband’s best friend to the restaurant.
Everyone saw these messages.
The dinner was a surprise, he thought that the two of us were having a quiet dinner.
I knew I needed to pick up the cake so I told him I had errands to run and I would meet him there.
Anyway, I get to the restaurant a few minutes before my husband arrives and ask the maitre d’ to put the cake in the kitchen fridge until we are ready for it.
Then he tells me that my MIL has brought an ice cream cake (which is so stupid since my husband has allergies) and told them that that was the cake for our party.
I told him I made the reservation and to serve my cake and give the other one back to MIL later.
My husband arrived. We all had a lovely dinner and he loved the cake I bought for him. When it was served though MIL was glaring daggers at me.
After we left dinner she’s been texting me calling me a sneaky cow and threatening to tell my husband that I purposely excluded her contribution.
She will probably call him at work later and exaggerate what happened so before then I want to know if I am the jerk, after all, we could have just served both cakes.”
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Bring Her Partner To The Theater?
“MIL and I got off to a rough start, but I am currently pregnant and would love to put that behind us. I heard MIL talking about wanting to see a touring musical that was going to be in town, but she didn’t find out until the last minute and couldn’t get tickets.
My friend’s dad manages the theater and I figured I could get her two tickets. They have some reserved VIP and handicap seats, and if they aren’t sold out the night of he will sometimes let someone he knows use them.
I got her two seats, but I asked that she not bring her significant other.
He has been a huge jerk to me. He makes fun of my husband and me constantly. He has videotaped us fighting and shown people, and he at one point had a group chat where he was telling his friends about our issues. He claims he can’t help himself because it is ‘so funny’ and he is ‘addicted’ At this point I don’t even want to be around the man.
He smirks when we speak. I couldn’t stand the thought of my gift going to him in any way.
MIL said that was kind of weird, but he doesn’t like musicals so it’s fine. Well, my friend works at the theater as an usher and mentioned seeing MIL’s SO.
My friend didn’t know about the deal but just wanted to mention how hot this guy was (eww eww eww) I immediately felt betrayed. I called MIL and asked her about it. MIL told me that I was being weirdly controlling, that she doesn’t have friends (she kind of does but her only close friend recently confessed being in love with her, so I get that she didn’t want to hang out one on one with him) and that she thought her SO would actually like it because it wasn’t as ‘girly’ as most shows.
I tried telling her how hurt I was but she snapped at me that it was a rude gift anyway. At that point, I was done and just didn’t want to talk to her. I needed space because I was so hurt, but she recently approached me at a family dinner and got all mad.
She said she calculated what tickets cost and wanted to pay me back so I would shut up (LOL. I wasn’t even talking to her) I refused to take the money, so she ended up throwing it on the floor and leaving it there. I left the money when I left, so hey her parents made a profit off family dinner.
The family is really torn about who is in the wrong here.”
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