People Worry About Their Reputation Being Tainted In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Replacing My Friend's Ruined Pillow With A Thrifted One?
“So my (24F) friend “Wendy” (23F) just got a new apartment.
She’s the first of our friend group to get an apartment, so everyone is excited and Wendy wants it to be the main place we all go to hang out. Wendy threw a party this past Friday, just a small get-together with our friend group and some of Wendy’s cousins.
After a few hours, we were all pretty tipsy, including me. I accidentally spilled my wine on one of her throw pillows. I tried to wash it out, but no luck. Of course, I offered to replace the pillow and Wendy sent me the link to where she bought it.
It was SEVENTY DOLLARS for a tiny little carrot pillow. I told her I would replace it, but I would probably have to wait for a few weeks for my next check because that eats into my gas money. She seemed a little grumpy and I felt bad.
Yesterday, my other friends wanted to go thrifting for their Halloween costumes. I already got mine, but wanted to tag along. I thought it was my lucky day because at one of the thrift stores was the exact pillow! Like the very same one with the tag from the store and everything.
The thrift store was selling it for twelve dollars, so I got it because it was cheaper and now Wendy would be able to have her complete living room quicker than we thought.
Fast forward a couple hours and we all go over to Wendy’s to show her the Halloween haul and I present her with the pillow.
At first, she was happy, but then she was like “How are you gonna get to work?” I explained that I found it at a thrift store and she threw it at me and acted all grossed out.
Now I’m confused because we all go thrifting all the time, including Wendy.
But Wendy was like, “I don’t buy soft furnishings at the thrift store.” I offered to wash it and bring it back, but she said no and still demanded that I buy the one from the actual store. I said no, I would wash the thrifted pillow for her, but I’m not buying a pillow for seventy dollars.
She said it was my fault for spilling wine in the first place and said I was “too clumsy to live.” Then I said for someone who wants to host parties, you’re being a big brat about a little spill.
We left it at that, but I left a few minutes later because I could tell Wendy was annoyed at me.
Now the friend group is taking sides and one of my friend’s partners told me that now there’s a group chat that doesn’t have me or Wendy in it called “The Pillow Crisis of 2024” where everyone is arguing about who is in the right.
I did wash the pillow and gave it to my friend to give it to Wendy, but apparently, she refused to put it on her couch and it now resides in the floor pillow pile. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say YTJ.
Not a big one just a barely TJ. I only say this because she did spend $70. She’s upset because she bought stuff brand new to furnish her apartment. I get you found a slightly used one to replace it but it was new like her new apartment and new beginning.
I’m not going to lie I would have the same reaction. Why should she have to forfeit her brand-new pillow for a randomly used one from a thrift store? Like I said barely the jerk.” steponme2021
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the TJ here.
Accidents happen, and you made an effort to replace the pillow at a much lower cost. Understandably, Wendy has her preferences, but throwing a fit over a thrifted item seems excessive, especially since you offered to wash it. It sounds like she’s being a bit dramatic about the situation.
At the end of the day, you tried to do the right thing, and it’s her choice how to handle the pillow now.” UrPetiteCurvyGirlx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not about the pillow. It’s about the money. Wendy is mad that you didn’t have to pay full price and/or that you aren’t suffering/punished enough for your terrible crime lol If the replacement pillow is visibly clean, odor-free, and in the same condition as the original pillow the spill, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Further, having the store tag still attached strongly suggests the replacement is unused. You held up your end. Her petty emotions about it aren’t your problem.” ActuatorInfinite8329
19. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About His Abusive Behavior Towards His Partner?
“My friends planned a night out for my (26 f) birthday. My friend, Lauren, and I were getting ready she was venting about recent arguments she and my friend, Connor, have been having. Lauren and Connor have been seeing each other, for about 3 months.
She said he’s been picking fights over stupid things, like how she makes macaroni or how messy her car is. Always ending w/her appearance, saying she needs to lose weight, and she’s “flirting” around when she’s out w/her friends.
Connor was deceived in the past so he can get paranoid.
He also just got a new job and house so he’s a bit stressed rn.
Fast forward, Connor forgot his belt so he and Lauren leave to get it. My fiancé and I waited for 40 minutes for them to get back. He lives 10 minutes away.
They get back and it’s apparent they were fighting so Lauren and I decide to take a separate car to chat on our way to the first stop. She told me Connor started yelling at her when they left because she had a fast food bag in her car and she “needs to stop eating that junk because she’s not gonna lose any weight that way” and “she put him in a bad mood so they weren’t going to go out anymore” and a whole argument ensued. I told her stress can make people lash out and try to have a calm conversation with him about what he’s been saying to her and how it makes her feel.
We get to the first stop and he is completely ignoring her. My fiancé tried to make the best out of it and start a good night for my birthday but Connor was making everyone uncomfortable. So we left for the second stop hoping my fiancé could talk to him on the way.
Lauren and I were in the parking lot waiting for them while our other friends were already inside. Connor called Lauren and this is exactly how the call went. “We broke down and it’s your fault because you had to take a separate car to talk bad about me and now you ruined OP’s birthday.
I hope you’re happy.” (My fiancé offered to drive but Connor was adamant they take the truck)
I answered before Lauren could. I said “1. How on God’s green earth is it Lauren’s fault that the truck broke down? 2. My birthday is not ruined and if it was it wouldn’t be Lauren’s fault.
And 3. Stop being a jerk and do not speak to her or anyone like that again.” He said why the heck am I on speaker? And what if I tell your fiancé what you just said? I told him to go right ahead and he did.
I heard my fiancé in the background say “she’s a grown woman and I support her”. Connor hung up on us.
But we drove to where they were and Connor stomped to the car yelling at Lauren. In the midst of their fight, he told me that I needed to stay out of their business and had no right to speak to him like that.
I said, “Like how you speak to Lauren?”
That was last weekend and we haven’t heard from him since. I’ve heard from Lauren saying she’s fine and they talked everything out. I understand that I may have overstepped when he was on the phone.
AITJ for confronting Connor for how he was behaving toward Lauren?”
Another User Comments:
“Connor is an abuser, the fact that he feels comfortable abusing Lauren in front of you and then turns his attention to you? This man isn’t a friend, he’s dangerous and his mistreatment will continue to escalate over time if Lauren doesn’t get out.
Also, a couple of things you said rub me the wrong way, you said that Connor got deceived so he can be paranoid like that gives him some sort of an excuse to be a jerk to his partner. Then you said stress can make people lash out and then you instructed her to have a calm talk with him, as if that will make him stop being abusive.” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“The temper tantrum and shifting of blame have nothing to do with being deceived in the past. The belittling of his GF has nothing to do with being deceived in the past. He is shaping up to be a stereotypical abuser. It’s always the GF’s fault that he hit her.
It’s always the Gf’s fault he got drinking and crashed his truck. The GF is never the right weight. The Gf either wears too little or too much makeup. The GF, if she dresses as any normal woman would for a night out is called a wh*re but if she wears more conservative clothes she is called boring, unattractive, and an embarrassment.
He is a total jerk. And before you go and say ‘But I know him’. No. You don’t. You only know what he pretends to be. Almost all abusers are known by their friend group to be kind, caring, and gentle. You need to take Lauren somewhere quiet and get her to open up.
YNTJ but you will be if you don’t do something.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but your advice to Lauren is crap. She should be setting boundaries and not letting him treat her like this. Honestly, it’s only been 3 months and he’s showing so many red flags, that I’d be telling her that dumping him is a reasonable response.
Stress is no excuse for treating your gf like junk.” MysteryLass
18. AITJ For Refusing To Encourage My Kids To Treat Their Stepdad As Their Biological Father?
“My ex (33f) and I (32m) share two children ages 11 and 9. We broke up 8 years ago. She has since married her husband (39m) and since that point, he has attempted to take on the role of a second dad to my kids. They do not see him in that way so far.
They are respectful and they listen to him as an adult in one of their homes (custody is shared so they spend an equal amount of time at both houses) but according to my ex, they don’t treat their stepdad like he’s their parent or another dad.
This has been a source of tension for about 4 years now. My ex’s husband wanted us to find a way to share Father’s Day even though the court order says I get Father’s Day and my ex gets Mother’s Day. Her husband feels that he plays a significant enough role to get a piece of the day too.
I disagree. My ex wanted to find a compromise but her husband dislikes being around me so us all being together wouldn’t work either. Why does her husband dislike being around me? He dislikes seeing the kids and me together. He said he feels like a nobody like he’s an inanimate object, and that he ceases to exist to the kids when I’m around.
My ex said he just wishes we could both be equal dads in the kids’ eyes but their love goes only to me.
Last year was a particularly tense few days around Father’s Day because I had a broken leg and still did something with the kids, which my ex’s husband found selfish.
He said even “damaged” I couldn’t let him be a dad for a day.
My ex’s husband can’t have children. She has told me this in an attempt to get me to step aside more. But I ignore this point.
Their stepdad’s work has a father and kids BBQ taking place in a couple of weeks.
My ex suggested the kids should take their stepdad but they didn’t want to because it’s for fathers and their kids. She said stepdads and grandpas would still have people come with them but they didn’t want to. They told her it would feel weird and she asked why and they said because it’s the kind of thing they’d only do with me.
Once the ex had finished with their talk she called me and told me I needed to encourage them to take him. I had no idea what she was talking about at first, she didn’t explain. Then when she did and I asked her what the kids said I told her I wasn’t going to encourage it.
She told me her husband deserves to experience joys during parenting and not just the work. I told her she was making it about her husband and not the kids. I suggested they could all go if she wanted to make it comfortable for them but she said it went against the point of the BBQ and then she called me a jerk for refusing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He can’t have his own children. That’s too bad. It doesn’t mean that he gets to have yours. There was another post a while back about a stepmother who told the kid that they wanted to be there for the kid but they accepted that they had parents and were willing to be as much as the child wanted and ended up with a loving relationship.
(I don’t have a link but the stepmother was named Mara. Unfortunately, the father decided that not being a replacement mother wasn’t good enough.)” latent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What kind of workplace still has a father/kids-only type event in a world full of single parents?
Stepdad needs to find a role that fits and stop overreaching. He isn’t their dad, he isn’t their parent. If he stops pushing to be seen as one, maybe they’ll all come around to a place they can be comfortable. Kids need positive male influences in their lives.
He isn’t being one with his demanding behavior. His resentment of you also sounds like your ex may be saying/doing things that stir the pot.” phtcmp
17. AITJ For Firing And Evicting My Unemployed, Unhygienic Brother?
“My brother (22) and I (26m) moved together in a trailer in a small town of less than 1000 for about 8 months.
He had no job, car, or license (even with our dad offering help multiple times) by the time we moved. So when bills stacked up, I got him a job at the place I managed.
During these 8 months, his cat who meant the world to him went missing, he had an intense (type 1) diabetic seizure, and a small kitten he fell in love with died due to illness.
It’s a small warehouse that packages tea products in bags and boxes—very easy work.
At first, he was a little slow, and I pressured him to get faster but he expressed how it affected him negatively so I stopped. I told him to focus on quality than speed.
But a few months later, he continued to be very slow by doing projects his way. That’s usually fine, but it would take multiple hours longer than anyone else and even then would have to go back to fixing time-consuming mistakes. He would also show up in visibly dirty clothes with cat hair and diatomaceous earth (white powder to kill fleas) on his shorts.
I told him multiple times that he has to wear clean clothes but he would brush me off never taking it seriously.
During all this, at home, he wouldn’t do any chores, let his own and stray cats come through the cat door he installed which brought a ton of fleas (I’d constantly have 10 on me at a time just cooking breakfast), and ate some of my food without asking or replacing stuff we shared like eggs.
I had no pets and would clean the kitchen/dishes semi-regularly
Finally, after he got into my car with dirty clothes I told him he had to either change clothes (I’d lend him some) or he would have to stay home. He complained and asked why it mattered. I told him about food safety.
He chose to stay home. He later texted me “If you keep going where you’re going with your anxiety taking over you’re gonna lose a brother. I’ll go no contact”
I told him that’s his choice and to find another job while he’s at it.
He blocked me.
A month later, he was 2 months behind on bills with me ($400+ now), no cleaning, not talking to me, and I had enough. I have the electrical box in my room so I turned off the power to his room when I got home.
When he found out, he was livid. I told him he gets what he pays for, which recently has been nothing. He went through my stuff in my bathroom, broke it, and threw it across the front yard.
He told me I don’t know what he’s going through.
That he never stole my food. I don’t remember much after beyond that.
I knew turning off the power would force him out and across the yard to my mom’s and her ex-husband’s trailer they share. My mom and my brother switched places (my mom was very happy about the switch, and so was I) and it’s been quiet since.
He refuses to talk or look at me anymore.
AITJ for firing and kicking out my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He didn’t give you much choice.” WastedTrojan
16. AITJ For Not Being Able To Figure Out Household Chores On My Own?
“I (F20) live with my younger sister (F12) with our parents.
Around two weeks ago, my mother had a small accident – she didn’t notice a doorstep and fell on both of her knees.
She’s already had some health conditions related to her knees, had knee surgery half a year ago, and went to rehab twice after that. That’s why the accident was extremely bad luck for her as she damaged her knees even more. Now, she’s walking around the house with the help of crutches, can’t go out for the time being, and can’t bend one of her knees or stand on her leg.
That’s why, my younger sister our dad need to help out around the house more because my mom isn’t able to do much at the moment. She can’t walk while holding any objects as she needs to hold the crutches and doing anything, like cooking, is more difficult for her now.
I’m happy to help and truth be told, I’ve been doing a lot this past week. I was going shopping nearly every day (before the accident, it was something my mother would do and sometimes I would help out too, but it wasn’t often), I was bringing my mom any objects she would ask for – coffee she made herself in the kitchen, foods, medicines, water bottles, literally anything, I was cleaning the kitchen, etc. In general, I took on many chores that previously belonged to my mom.
That’s where the problem starts – my mother claims that she’s tired of having to ask me for everything and she wants me to figure out on my own that I should do something, for example, clean the kitchen or notice that there’s an empty plate next to her in her room that I can bring back to the kitchen and put in the dishwasher.
However, I am not the smartest person in the world, I’ve never been good at tasks that need “figuring out” what to do. I prefer being given clear instructions and then going along with them. I’m not very perceptive and I often don’t notice little details around me even if I try my best to see if there’s anything that should be done by me.
Because of that, I often miss out on things my mom wants me to do around the house and this leads to her getting mad at me. In those moments, even if I ask her what I could do to help, she doesn’t tell me anything and only gets angrier because I continue to not figure it out on my own.
My sister doesn’t have such a problem – she’s younger, so my mother always tells her what she wants her to do. I wish this was the case with me. My mom never gets angry at my sister for not helping out while with me, it feels like she doesn’t appreciate everything that I’m already doing (when she isn’t in a bad mood and gives me instructions on what to do, I always do it) but instead only focuses on the part that I’m not clever and I can’t figure out on my own that something needs to be done.
She claims that I’m not helping enough and it feels like she strongly believes that, but I’m doing my best here and I don’t know how to navigate this situation.
So, AITJ for not helping out around the house more?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should be able to figure it out.
Put in a little effort. You’re 20. Your sister can still be told what to do because she’s a literal child. You are lucky you are even able to still live at home with such an arrangement. What you’re doing – expecting to be told what to do and then just throwing up your hands because “Oops no one told me” is considered weaponized incompetence.
It’s a way of getting out of duties and passing off blame. It’s not cute or excusable at your age.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“I can’t believe you’re so dense that when you see an empty plate you don’t know to pick it up and either put it in the kitchen sink, wash it, or put it in the dishwasher.
Your mother is debilitated now and you’re 20 years old and able to pick up the slack. Vacuum, dust, do laundry put away clean dishes, etc. without being asked specifically. When you live on your own who’s going to instruct you to do things which need to be done?
Will you live in a pigsty? Will you run out of clean dishes because you’ve used them all up and there was no one there to direct you to clean them? Run out of clean clothes because no one was there to tell you to wash?
Your mother shouldn’t have to tell you what to do. Also, Dad needs to step up some. A soft YTJ” MeasureMe2
Another User Comments:
“At 20, at some point,t you are going to live on your own and have to notice things all on your own.
There’s something known as carrying the mental load. If you cannot do this off the top of your head – maybe make lists (I have many friends who are dedicated to the glory that are listed!). So, cooking dinner might be, cleaning counters, putting dishes in the dishwasher, prepping for cooking, cooking, cleaning as you go, plating, and serving dinner.
Maybe before you run the dishwasher, you send your younger sister on a treasure hunt to see if there are any dishes and plates in other rooms and bring them back to the kitchen to add to the load. After the dishwasher is running, do a final counter wipe, wipe down the stove/cooktop, and maybe prep the coffee machine for the morning (if that’s a thing you do).
Make one or two days a week laundry days. Once a week for bathrooms is standard, as is changing sheets and vacuuming. If it’s on a schedule or list, you know what to do when.” 2dogslife
15. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Messy, Entitled Sister Stay In My Vacation Home?
“I (52 M) grew up relatively lower class in New England with three siblings. Our parents were separated and were only worried about keeping food in the house and bills paid. We had never even left NE until college, vacations of any type were off of the table.
I have always had a decent relationship with all my siblings besides my younger sister (40 F). Even though I am 12 years older than her and shouldn’t let her get under my skin the way she does, she always finds a way. My sister is incredibly entitled in a way I can’t put into words.
She wanted everything to go her way no matter what. She bossed everyone around like a foreman and never took care of her responsibilities. The worst part was, that she was incredibly messy. Leaves all her things everywhere, messy eater, etc. Her clothes would be anywhere you least expected in our childhood home.
Due to my parent’s push-over nature, she was never corrected. We all thought she would grow out of this behavior naturally. Long story short, she did not.
Without getting into much detail, after busting my back and a long road of stress I ended up getting a scholarship to an exceptional university and ended up making a decent life for myself through law.
After school I moved away from NE to a nice, quiet midwestern state, effectively ending most communication with my family. This is where I met my now wife (49 F). She worked as a dentist at the beginning of our relationship, but we quickly got married and she became a SAHW a few months before she started carrying our 1st child.
I love my wife. She loved California. I wanted to make her and our children happy whilst simultaneously living out my childhood dreams of finally being able to travel freely. After our 3rd child, with us being in a good place financially, I got us a beach house on the coast of CA.
Fast forward to the present time, I have 4 great children and a happy home. Last week, my sister contacted me via social media asking to stay in my vacation home. Mind you, I have not spoken to her since a funeral 2 years ago. She would not have even known about my beach house the whole 10 years I’ve had it if it weren’t for social media.
I told her it was an absurd request and it wasn’t going to happen. Not only do I believe it is rude to ask regarding our rocky relationship, but I have spoken to her husband and I know she never grew out of her messiness.
She then called me and my wife an array of names in a rant about how she had never experienced traveling like she had always wanted to and I, as her brother, should help her. I told her it’s not my responsibility to help her and I wouldn’t want to regardless due to her behavior.
She responded by telling me I was a privileged jerk.
I don’t understand why she would call me this as we started out on the same foot. We had the same parents and the same opportunities. I blocked her and I was informed by a family friend that she then made a post about how you can’t even trust your own blood or something like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I’d say she’s allowed to ask politely first and you still could say no. It’s your money and your property and your personal decision to not allow that. Besides, a huge request like that could & should be done in person or via handwritten letter first and not made public on the internet.” chefschocker81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but remember – “No” is a complete sentence. You may have added fuel to the drama fire by criticizing her behavior past and present. Since you don’t rent out the beach house to anyone, that would have been a great answer to her request. “No, I’m sorry.
We don’t ever rent out the beach house.” Oh, I know she would have still created family drama, she would have just had less ammo. It sounds as if you love your wife and kids. I’m happy you’re enjoying life.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As you said, you all came from the same humble beginnings. You looked ahead to your future and worked hard to make it all happen. Your siblings were all free to pursue their own goals, as well. She is probably jealous of what you’ve accomplished, and her sense of entitlement has her believing you somehow “owe” her.
And, you do not. That is a place for your own family to escape to. You and your wife have worked for all you have. Your sister was out of line in even asking, as it’s incredibly rude to do so. She has also been a person who doesn’t pick up after herself and why would you want to let her stay in your expensive oceanfront property knowing she won’t appreciate it or take good care of it, either?!
Let your sister know that you and your family use it regularly, and you make it a rule to not host anyone as it would open up an avalanche of similar requests. If she doesn’t like that, it’s her problem to deal with. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
We lived in a gorgeous property in Las Vegas for many years and had plenty of people wanting to come and “visit”, intending to save themselves hotel costs. With very few exceptions, we would simply say we weren’t able to accommodate them. People who are bold enough to ask should be prepared to hear an honest answer.” Aggressive_Cattle320
14. AITJ For Refusing To Split Our College Fund With My Dad's Secret Son?
“My father dropped a big bomb on our family last year when he revealed that he had a secret son from his affair years ago. After my mom found out and gave him the ultimatum, he cut things off with the other woman and she moved away until last year when she introduced him to their son Hank.
I don’t give a darn about his latent father instinct since he didn’t give his other family any consideration when he broke the news. Thank goodness my mom divorced him and now neither my brother Connor (M 18), sister Sophia (F 15) nor I want anything to do with him anymore.
Here’s the thing though: We have a shared college fund that my mom’s parents set up for us when we were little. My parents contribute almost half of the money and my maternal grandparents contribute the other half. The account remains under my mom after the divorce.
As far as I know, he stopped contributing to that account after the divorce.
Last month, I found out that my dad’s been harassing my mom because he wanted to add Hank as a beneficiary to the college fund for my siblings. He’s saying that Hank is his son and therefore entitled to the college fund that he set up for me, Connor, and Sophia.
My mom told him off and now he has been going around harassing her online and to their mutual acquaintances and friends, claiming that she is “heartless and cruel for taking her anger out on an innocent child.” And then, he also had the genius idea to reach out to me to put pressure on my mom.
He said I should consider opening up my heart to Hank who grew up without a father and wasn’t set up in life like my siblings and me. I left him on read since honestly, the things I wanted to say to that callous evil monster may be too much.
Yesterday he changed tactics and now said he wanted to withdraw all his part of the money from the account, divided them to make sure Hank has his share, and deposited the rest back into the account. (With the caveat that since Connor and I didn’t need to use the college fund for tuition since we both had full-ride scholarships, the money would be divided into 2 parts- for Hank and Sophia, instead of into 4 parts for his 4 children).
And now he, some of my dad’s side of the family, and even the other women are pressuring my mom to agree to that. And I’m praying that she won’t.
It physically makes me angry that we’re being asked to split our money with my dad’s affair child.
Even if yes, I don’t need to use the money to pay for school, I will need it in the future. Same with Connor! And I know for a fact he would never use the same reasoning to exclude Connor and me from the fund just to have the money solely for Sophia in the same situation.
It’s all for Hank.
I understand that Hank is innocent and not responsible for his parents’ actions but I don’t think of him as my brother. Heck, I don’t even think of my father as my father anymore to be honest. As far as I’m concerned, my family consists of me, my siblings, and my mom.
That’s it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can deal with his poor decisions. The divorce is finalized. He can’t go back and change the terms now. Additionally, it sounds like he didn’t put in most of the money. It sounds like at most he put in 25%.
Either way, he no longer has any claim to it. He can take out loans for Hank.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always get downvoted in these things when I point out that hatred for a parent should not negate potential sibling relationships, but in this case, that’s not what’s happening.
I’m so happy I get to be on the mob’s side here. Your maternal grandparents started the fund, and while your parents contributed, the money was specifically meant to benefit the children named as beneficiaries, not Hank. With earnings and contributions from multiple sources, and especially since your dad’s contributions are probably inseparable from your mother’s (since you think he only contributed when they were married), there probably is some accountant somewhere who could figure out what portion belonged to your father alone, it does not make sense to do it.
If your father wants to help Hank out with post-secondary tuition, he should have started saving up a while ago. His poor parenting does not get to infect the education fund. He’s welcome to look into what he can do, now, himself, to help Hank out financially.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“This is all you need: ‘Mom’s parents set up for us’ The fund was not your father’s idea. Even if he did contribute to it before the divorce, it was NOT set up for future children, it was for the three children at the time.
Talk to your mother, and support her. Are her parents still around? Give them the heads up. See if you can get a court-appointed advocate to help with this. Hank’s mother and HER parents should have set up a college fund for Hank. She knew what she was doing when she had an affair with a married man…” ArreniaQ
13. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With Roommate's Freeloading Partner?
“So just over a year ago I (26m) signed a lease with my ex-partner for an unfurnished house but it didn’t work out so I asked a friend from my hometown (27m) if he’d like to take the extra room.
He had mentioned he wanted to leave our hometown and a few of our shared friends lived nearby. The spare room had an office, and he worked from home so it seemed perfect.
At the time he and his partner (24) were in a long-distance relationship until she also found a place to live nearby.
She was staying at the house for 5-7 days a week but he also stayed with her so it all balanced out. When she moved to the city, I started to notice that they hadn’t stayed at her place at all since she moved. It turns out, she had signed up for a big house share with 8 other people.
A few weeks go by and her stays get longer and longer, sometimes lasting up to three weeks of being at the house constantly. His partner also works from home and would use the shared spaces to work from. She did not contribute to bills, rent, resources we shared, or even clean up after herself.
There was a time when I had to pick up her used sanitary pads from the bathroom floor after two days of them being there. The queue for the shower in the morning was always ridiculous and she would frequently take long baths in our shared bathroom during inconvenient times.
Eventually, I confronted my housemate and explained that it felt like I was living with a couple that it was their house, not ours, and that it had become overwhelming. Also, any time I tried to join them in the living room or ask if I could jump on my own PlayStation, it was clear I was not welcome.
I suggested a weekly cap, proposing four nights a week so that they can still enjoy most of the week at the house but I got some time to recharge and have some privacy too. I also explained that the way we were living felt like half the space, twice the mess, and that they both needed to take responsibility for their mess in the house.
He agreed and seemed to understand, so it had been good for us to reach a compromise.
The nightcap lasted about a couple of weeks and soon, his partner was living with us yet again. I spoke to my housemate and explained that I needed him to take the four-day cap more seriously.
He said he understood but a couple of weeks later, told me that he would be moving out and into a flat with his partner. I said that I agreed, that they should be living together and not in a houseshare, and that I supported his decision.
Since they moved out, I’ve heard from mutual friends that he has told them that I said his partner wasn’t welcome at all and branded me jealous during multiple and excessive discussions about it all. I asked him if he felt that way and he explained that he did and that he wished all three of us could’ve lived there together.
Am I the jerk for communicating and enforcing my boundaries in this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. If someone else is living in the apartment nearly full-time, they should be paying rent and utilities. For your next housemate, make sure you put such a stipulation in the lease.
If the ex-roommate starts spreading rumors, deflect calmly and honestly: “Oh no, Joe had Sally move in full-time and she didn’t want to pay rent so they found another place to live. No hard feelings; did you see the football game yesterday?” analyst19
Another User Comments:
“If he wished all three of you could have lived together he could have openly asked you to accept a third roommate, and of course ensured that you did not have to do any more cleaning than when there were two of you and that you wouldn’t have gotten less use out of the common areas.
Either he didn’t think the effects of moving his partner in through (and somehow ignored your attempt to make it clear why his arrangement wasn’t working for you) or he knows perfectly well he’s in the wrong – and either way, he doesn’t want to (or can’t) admit to your mutual friends what happened. It would make him and his partner look inconsiderate.
NTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Nephew For Mocking My Baby Daughter?
“I(27F) have a 10-month-old daughter. She’s been going through a happy screeching phase and we have been trying to work on soft tones. She is starting to understand. She also does fuss sometimes if she makes a tumble now that she cruises on furniture.
Usually, if we don’t make a sad expression or negative reaction she’s perfectly happy after a brief few seconds. However, my nephew (10M) just spent the night after a full day of birthday festivities with us. He has mocked her screeching even louder and has even tried to get her to screech.
He also teased her with toys and put them out of reach and twice I caught him taking her bottle away in the car. I told him at least 3 times to not mock her like that and she copied it so she would drone on.
When she fussed after a minor fall yesterday, he did it again and she cried more than the few seconds she usually would. I tried once more to reason and say “I’m sorry if the noise bothers you, I know baby crying is frustrating but can you please leave the room or put on headphones next time?
She will stop crying after about 10 seconds once she knows she’s safe”. Today she face-planted on the tile because her dumb mom, me, didn’t realize the floor was so wet after cleaning her highchair. She started screaming much more than normal so I could tell she really was hurt and then my nephew chimed in with an even louder scream.
He was in another room when this happened. I yelled “, STOP” from the other room. My husband (29M) and also his biological uncle said I was way out of line. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What was out of line about telling your bratty nephew to knock it off?
Sometimes, kids need that exact kind of very direct instruction. You tried several times to explain why he needed to stop mocking your baby, he did not care to change his behavior, so you gave him a very simple yet stern instruction to stop. NTJ.
You didn’t hit him, you didn’t bully him, you didn’t act in any kind of unreasonable way. You were stern and very clear. There’s nothing wrong with that.” User
Another User Comments:
“Naw 10 is old enough to know you don’t harass babies.
NTJ, but the dumb man you have for a husband is for not correcting his nephew. I wouldn’t have him back over and if he came I’d take my child and leave the demon with his uncle every time. I’d watch him around my child because taking food from a baby while eating just to make them cry isn’t normal behavior.” JellyBelly1042
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have tried telling him several times, to stop bullying a baby – it didn’t work. The harsher and louder warning was warranted, as he wasn’t going to listen to you otherwise. If I were you I’d tell his parents now, before he goes to them with his crocodile tears though.
Also kinda worrying your husband just shrugged off a 10-year-old making his baby daughter cry?” Final_Figure_7150
11. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Stop Using My Water?
“Some background my wife and I moved to a duplex last month. We’ve lived in apartments our whole lives and never had to pay for water/sewer/garbage and now we do.
We haven’t gotten our utility bill yet (comes every two months) and I’m dreading the number.
There is a detached garage building at the front of the lot. On this garage unit are two faucets, one on their side and one on ours. When we moved in, there was a hose already attached to our side so I thought the previous tenant just left it and bought myself a nozzle.
We recently noticed that the neighbor’s wife will use that hose several times a week to water the garden area and wash shoes. I was looking for the right time to ask them about this and it just so happened today that she walked by while I was building a shelf in the garage.
I asked if the faucet was connected to our meter or theirs and she said she’d ask the husband.
He came out a few minutes later and asked what the problem was. I asked the same question and he said we could check by closing the valves on our side but added I was the first to ask that the previous two neighbors never made a big deal out of it and that his wife only used it to water the front lawn.
But here the wife interjected and confessed she washed shoes a few times a week (which she had to as I was just there 10 minutes before when she was washing shoes). He cut her off and said, “No, you don’t, you never wash shoes”.
Lo and behold that faucet is attached to our water meter.
I asked if the hose was his to which he answered yes and then he asked if I would like to move the hose to the other faucet to which I nodded. I could tell he was pretty upset from the earlier comments and he was continually grumbling stuff like: “oh ok since you want to be so strict”, “my wife only uses like 3 cents of water”, “I was gonna give you a power washer to help wash your car but ok I guess not”, and stuff like that.
Guess he was pretty flustered as he couldn’t unscrew the hose. He came back with a wrench and still couldn’t do it. While he was gone a second time, I unscrewed the hose (he probably loosened it, I’ll give him that), took my nozzle off, and screwed the hose onto his faucet.
When he came back, he saw it was done and then talked to me a little about putting a “Smile, You’re on Camera!” sticker on our backyard door as he was concerned about dog walkers not cleaning up after their pets on our front lawn (I obliged and the sticker is on our yard door).
Should I have just let them use our water? She doesn’t use too much and he could be right about the 3 cents (ballpark). [The way I read the water billing here we pay $5.29 per CCF for the first 10 CCF, $6.17 per unit thereafter].”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If it’s only 3 cents and they have their faucet basically in the same location they don’t have a leg to stand on as to why they would use yours. Maybe pay attention to your water bill over the next few months and see what the difference is.
I don’t know how big the lawn is, but watering a lawn takes quite a bit of water. I’d hazard a guess it’s more than pennies’ worth of water they’ve been stealing from you.” Penelope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ These people have quite the gall to think it’s okay to use their neighbor’s water!
They have a spigot on their side of the home, and that is the one they are supposed to use! Why would anyone attach a hose to the opposite side of the home they live on, knowing it’s a duplex? Only one answer. They found it much more affordable if you paid the water bill!
I don’t care if she uses 3 cents of water or 30,000 cents of water. They are responsible for paying for their damaged water! And the “okay, well, I was getting ready to give you a power washer blah blah” was nonsense. He was only saying that because he was trying to guilt you into buying his pathetic story.
If he had money to buy a power washer to give you, my guess is he would have helped himself to “borrow it”, attached to your faucet, to do his power washing work, on your dime! Don’t let them guilt you into anything. They are people who love taking advantage of others, and if they refuse to speak to you, consider yourself lucky!” Aggressive_Cattle320
10. AITJ For Not Checking My Phone And Missing My Dad's Hospitalization?
“My (31F) dad (60M) has pretty bad vein problems on his legs, went through surgery a couple of times, but rarely checks on it. We work for the same company. Yesterday at 2 pm he told me he was WFH because he couldn’t walk due to pain in his legs.
I told him he should go to the doctor and asked if it had started that day, he said it had been getting worse for some time. I told him he needed to start seeing the doctor before it got bad, and he left me on “seen”.
We have free healthcare, it’s not a money issue.
At 10:30 pm I picked up a call from mom (59F). We usually call each other around that time. As soon as I picked up, she started asking me a bunch of questions that didn’t make sense, like “Are you at home?
Did you go out? Is everything ok?”. I’m broke, plus it was a Thursday. My mom knows I rarely go out. I said, “Of course I didn’t go out, what kind of question is that? I’m ok”. She replied in a very bitter tone “I’m asking because I called you and [Fiancé] and none picked up, and *family cares*, the family asks if the others are ok, you know?”.
I had a call from her 2 min before and my fiancé had a call 1 min before, but we were at the balcony and left the phones inside (we don’t have a place to put them outside), so we didn’t hear them. This is not something uncommon by the way, she knows I don’t carry my phone around all the time at home.
I told her everything was ok, I was just outside, and we picked up the phone within 5 min, so I wasn’t sure what she was on about. She repeated, “Family cares, I just wanted to know you were safe”. It sounded like there was something implied, but I know enough to know that, if she’s mad about something, she won’t just let me know, I’ll have to figure it out.
So I decided to let it go and asked her if Dad was feeling better.
She replied, “What do you mean? We’re at the ER.”. I asked her how was I supposed to know and she told me “We’ve been here since 6 pm and your dad sent you a picture of the bracelet [those with your name and whatever they give you at hospitals] at 8 pm.
And you didn’t even ask about it. Family asks and cares for each other”.
Now, there are 3 situations here. 1) I work remotely, so I use WhatsApp for 90% of my job communications. 2) I also freelance, and the same thing. 3) my dad sends me dozens of random memes and inspirational quotes a day that he finds on social media.
All that said, I rarely check my phone after 7-8 pm, to be able to have some rest, because I assume if something is serious, people will call. Even if I did see the notification (which I didn’t), I probably wouldn’t rush to open it, as I was having dinner by that time, and it was a picture sent by my dad on WhatsApp, which is something I get a LOT.
I asked my mom “Why didn’t you call when you got to the hospital instead of sending and picture?” She told me to not turn the blame on her and now is mad that I “didn’t care” for my dad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your parents aren’t good at communication.
And if your mom is upset about something, it’s not your job to figure out why. It’s childish behavior, and you’re not a mind reader. She’s an adult and should communicate like one. Maybe it’s a good idea to tell them if there’s something serious going on, they have to call you instead of sending a message on WhatsApp.
I feel like she’s now gaslighting you because you were right all along, and she can’t take it. Looks like you’re the adult in this family.” Ok_Individual_3895
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry to be harsh about your parents but this is textbook attention-seeking behavior from BOTH of them.
Your dad refuses to look after himself until he has to go to the ER. And your mom passive passive-aggressive stunts are designed to keep you on your toes at all times not knowing if she’s mad or what about. Heaven forbid you don’t have the phone surgically attached to your hand to respond to 17 memes a day or you’re, you know, showering/driving/eating.
Looks like you’re an adult dealing with overgrown toddlers. Commiserations ” Delicious-Pick-6971
Another User Comments:
“I’m 61F with a 31F daughter and I’m blown away by your dad sending you dozens of quotes or whatever a day! Hubby and I probably text our daughter once every few days, and even then she doesn’t tend to respond that day and maybe looks at it after a few days.
Your family is unreasonable with how much info they bombard you with. If I’d taken my husband (kids’ dad) to the hospital I would have either called my two kids to tell them or waited to see what the doctor said to let them know the conclusion.
I also put my phone down and forgot to look at it for hours. You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH
9. AITJ For Losing My Temper Over My Neighbor's Barking Dog And Property Line Disputes?
“My wife and I bought our house 3 years ago and got along with the past neighbors great. The new couple that moved in had a dog.
This is where the problems began. I handled the following situations poorly. Their dog would rush the fence anytime it saw me or my wife outside, or even inside, and bark aggressively.
A blue-nosed pit barks until it coughs. Our dog was a barker, but we always rushed outside to scoop him up and apologize for any issues. We lost him to lymphoma shortly after the new neighbors moved in.
For several days I dealt with the dog standing at the fence while barking.
Any time they let it out, it went to the fence and would bark like mad when it saw me, even if I was passing a window inside my own home. I lost my patience, but unlike most, I started screaming into the night to shut the dog up.
Never directed at the dog, always directed at the owners. “Get your dog!” Sometimes as late as 2 am. After a few nights of yelling and not making any progress; I saw the neighbor outside and decided to try to have a conversation.
He pulled out of his driveway and took off appearing to ignore me intentionally.
This frustrated me, I yelled an expletive and decided to go pound on their door to at least try to talk to the wife about the issue with the dog. No one came to the door, which frustrated me more. I yelled, “TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS OR NEXT TIME I’M CALLING THE COPS!” After which I went back to my house.
Shortly after there’s a bang on my door. I open it and see my neighbor. “You want to explain to me why you just pounded on my door and woke my wife and children up?” He understandably asked.
“We need to talk about your dog because IT’s been waking ME up.”
He explained to me he doesn’t do “yelling” and that he’d prefer to have a conversation. He apologized for the dog keeping us awake and stated he didn’t know. I apologized for losing my temper and waking up his family. We chatted for about 10 minutes, exchanged numbers for any future issues, and went about our lives for months before the current issue.
They’ve had a few parties, one of which he let me know about – sometimes the cars are a foot over the property line parked on our grass. They had their drain field dug up, which offloaded a bunch of dirt onto our property and messed up the grass further.
Yesterday, a new boat and van appeared at the front of their property, clearly parked over the property lines.
I sent him a text asking if he could move it and that we could compare surveys if there was any confusion and was greeted by extreme amounts of passive-aggressivism.
I told him I’ve been seeing a professional since the dog situation, and have been diagnosed with PTSD, amongst other things, and that I was trying to extend a new olive branch to make amends. He explained he believes I’ve burnt said olive branch after “showing him my true colors about the dog.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. No way that man didn’t know his dog was barking in the middle of the night if it was loud enough to keep you awake next door. He doesn’t do yelling? You don’t do barking. I think you were being overly aggressive about texting about things being over your property line.
You could have approached it in a better way so as not to make a next-door enemy.” NoDaisy
Another User Comments:
“Maybe originally you were the jerk, but not now. It sounds like he can’t forgive your original behavior. I get it. I might be leery of you as well, maybe even more so if I knew you had PTSD…..which I’m sorry that you do and I hope it gets better.
I don’t like to ramp things up with neighbors. I’ve listened to too many true crime podcasts lol. If he won’t move the things off of your property and you feel that he should, I would probably call the sheriff. Do you have an HOA?
How’s the dog situation now? If the property line isn’t being taken up too much by your neighbor and it doesn’t affect you and your family, could you just let him use it? If that’s an option, maybe you could text him that you’re okay with him using your property for a short time and you’ll fix the grass that was messed up(if that’s a possibility).
If he still acts unforgiving, then you’ll have to get someone else involved” Radtech51.
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, You were the jerk for yelling into the air in the middle of the night, banging on the door when you knew the wife was alone, and cursing at your neighbor when he came to your door. He was a jerk for not bringing his dog in and for parking and putting things on your property.
Tell him you accept you will not have a friendly relationship and the best thing to do is respect each other’s property lines, so you don’t have to communicate any more than necessary. Put it in writing that you do not allow others to park or store anything on your property and will just handle it yourself, instead of reaching out again.
Put up a no-trespassing sign. If they do it again, have them towed or ticketed without speaking to them. If there’s a noise ordinance and their dog is violating it, call the police. But other than that, that relationship is already dead, so stop beating it. ESH.
Good fences make good neighbors. ” External-Hamster-991
8. AITJ For Confronting My Ex-Boss About His Loud Arguments And Smoking Habits?
“x I live in a small building, 4 floors, my apartment is on the 3rd one.
I’m an academic musician and so is my S, O. We bought this apartment 5 years ago and everything has been very respectful with everyone. We even got to “catsit” for each other creating some friendships.1 year ago, my ex-boss moved into the apartment below mine.
Everything went well for a while. Now my ex-boss loves to use substances. We respect people doing whatever they like in their space. The problem is that he chose to do it in the room below ours. Each room has a small squared window for ventilation.
So our room is constantly smelling substances. Another thing is that my ex-boss is constantly having “arguments” with his SO, sometimes I’ve had to contact the owner of the apartment and tell him what’s going on. You could hear everything. That had happened more than 4 times in less than a month.
The last time, I was alone when it happened. It was really bad for how it sounded. I called another neighbor and went there to see if we could do something. When they opened, it looked like a tornado path, and my ex-boss heavy breathing, and looking like he just went and came back from a place of torment, just looked at us and said: what do you want?
We just said that we wanted to know if everything was okay, he then grabbed what looked like an artisanal Cuban Habano, and lit it. That thing was thick lol. After some more hits, he just looked at us and I thought he was going to run us.
He came walking very fast towards us, but luckily, he just shut the door in our faces. We stood there for what it felt like 5 minutes in complete shock. Trying to understand what just happened. In my mind, all I could think of was: is this the same guy I used to work with?
I thanked my neighbor for joining me and we both went to our apartments. The next day as I was leaving for work, I ran into him. He called me and asked for 1 minute to talk. I had time so I complied. I thought he was going to apologize but no. He was furious with me for not minding my own business and coming to his apartment.
He called me a stuck-up jerk, and he knew I thought I was better than him. I stood there silent listening. I guess that made him more upset. When he was done, I just replied: you are not the person I thought you were. We went down to check on you both, you have no idea how it feels to hear such a racket below you.
We got scared. But don’t worry, next time I won’t knock on your door, I’m calling the cops so they can handle you both smokers. My knees were shaking as I’m not a confrontational person and I left. The entire day I kept feeling bad for what I said and how I said it.
I even thought of apologizing but my SO told me: I’m glad I wasn’t home that day and that you said what you said. I wouldn’t have been that nice” So people, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I had a neighbor (we were 2nd floor he was ground floor) that moved in and was quiet for a few months until one night I heard a loud argument.
Then several other loud arguments followed. He eventually was sobbing so loud one night I genuinely wondered if he was going to have a mental health crisis. He kept to himself though, so I didn’t call the apartment manager or cops. That is until the night his dog that had recently moved in was left outdoors longer than it wanted to be out for a 1 am potty break.
The dog woke me out of a dead sleep barking to be let in. It wouldn’t stop barking, and it sounded aggressive so I wasn’t going to go knock on the door. I poured water through the deck boards onto the dog. Even that didn’t deter the barking.
I finally had to call the cops. Don’t ever feel bad about calling the cops. If someone is being so loud in their place that they’re disturbing your peace, that’s pretty messed up.” cantbethemannowdog
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Bridesmaid's New Partner At My Wedding?
“To give context to my story, I moved my wedding date up from May to December because my mom was dying of cancer but passed away 1 1/2 months before the wedding.
So the bridesmaid insisted on attending my mom’s funeral and having a date with a new guy she met while attending. She told me she was going to wear a “hot green dress” to impress the guy. I told her I’d rather her not attend the funeral since I’d be too emotional to hang out like she wanted. Truthfully, I was appalled she wanted to use the funeral as an opportunity to “impress” a guy and have a first date.
Two weeks later, she asks if she can bring her now partner of only two weeks to the wedding. I didn’t plan for her to have a plus one because she had a new partner either every month or every 3 weeks. Each breakup was always very messy.
So, I didn’t want to give her a plus one because it would likely taint our wedding or she would forever be upset about our wedding should anything happen to this partner. But beyond all of this, this guy was by far the most obnoxious guy of all her previous partners, and my fiance and I weren’t thrilled at the idea of him being there.
I told her due to the circumstances of the marriage, we couldn’t accommodate another guest and we had an extremely tight budget due to fast-tracking the wedding.
After that, she completely ghosted me, ditched the bachelorette party, and I couldn’t get in touch with her at all.
Due to high emotions about everything I was dealing with, I then texted her saying how upset I was for her treating me this way and asked her to understand the circumstances of money regarding her partner.
She still told me the fact that she didn’t get the plus one was what hurt her.
I apologized for hurting her but internally didn’t get why she was so upset. I tried reaching out twice afterward to see if we could patch things up. Despite her being a quick texter, she left the messages on read. Finally, I demanded with it being 3 days before the wedding that we talk this out before the wedding.
At that point, I didn’t know where she stood. She finally responded and then had a phone call. The call seemed positive, we both apologized and things seemed back on track. I was debating telling her that her partner could come, but my fiance and friends said to stand my ground.
She comes to the wedding late, acts very cold, and is the first to leave. She texted saying sorry for leaving but was busy with other things. I didn’t know how to feel about any of it but didn’t want to think about it then.
After the Honeymoon, I sent out thank you cards including one to her, which was more muted, but still positive and grateful. We never had any other communication since.
I debated texting months after the wedding but thought the whole situation was so rocky that she showed me her true colors during the lowest low of my life while making what should have been my highest high still unpleasant.
For all that read this far thank you! Should I have reached out again or done something different?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, I’m so sorry about your mom. I read the whole thing but I already had my judgment when you wrote “The bridesmaid insisted on going to my mom’s funeral and having a date with a new guy she met while attending.
She told me she was going to wear a “hot green dress” to impress the guy.” If that’s how she behaves, you’re better off without her.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a horrible friend she was! I still can’t get over the “hot green dress” to impress the guy at your MOTHER’S FUNERAL!
Like WHAT? Feel free to tell all your friends how she acted so they can decide if they want to remain friends with her. I’m so sorry for your loss and congratulations on the wedding! You must have a good husband for him to stick by you through this.
I wish you guys nothing but happiness!” Geology-BC_Survivor
Another User Comments:
“Move on. NTJ. I for one can’t fathom why a two-week rando partner would even want to come to some stranger’s wedding. As for the funeral? Isn’t that a perfectly normal venue for a first date?
Although I’ve always thought that something a little classier than that would be good for a first date… like picking up garbage, attending a major surgery as a spectator, sitting in on a gruesome murder trial, or an autopsy.” LawyerDad1981
6. AITJ For Attending My High School Ex's Wedding After Being Invited?
“I don’t know if I am in the wrong or I am being gaslit. I (36F) attended my ex’s (37m) wedding this weekend and I failed a test.
My ex, Adam, and I were together in high school, from the time we were 15 – 18 when we amicably split up to go to college in different states. Since college, we’ve kept in ‘social media familiar’ contact, where we’d wish each other happy birthday, or congratulate each other on big milestones, but have had no other contact in the 20 or so years since then.
About a year ago, I saw his engagement post on his social media and congratulated him. A few months ago he messaged me, asked how I was doing, and said he wanted to have a bit of a high school get-together at his wedding since he was holding it in our hometown.
He was inviting most of our mutual friend circle and he’d love for me to attend too. I hadn’t seen most of these friends in over a decade, and I thought the idea sounded fun so I accepted the invitation.
The wedding was this past weekend….and it was incredibly normal. I attended with my husband, he got to meet all of my high school friends and their partners and we had a great time.
Sunday morning I woke up to a slew of messages from my ex’s new wife about my audacity to attend the wedding and how out of all his former partners, I was the only one who failed the test. She said that you shouldn’t attend an ex’s wedding unless you’re still hung up on them and how I must be planning to steal her new husband away.
I was shocked, but also apologized if I had been unwelcomed and how I must have misunderstood as my reason for attending was to see old friends. She immediately responded and again said that no sane woman, with good intentions, would ever think it was okay to attend their ex’s wedding.
I again apologized if I was unwelcomed and hoped my presence hadn’t detracted from her day. I then messaged my ex and apologized if I had misunderstood and hoped I hadn’t caused any issues. He replied that he was glad I attended, the invitation had been sincere, there was no separate event planned, he was glad to see the old friend group and apologized about his new wife’s messages.
I left it at that, thinking it was a closed matter. A few hours later the new wife is messaging me again, complaining about how I was trying to manipulate her new husband to make her look crazy. I decided this was not a ship I wanted to sail on, took a screenshot of all her messages and my replies, sent them to the ex, and said I was just going to go ahead and block them both so I couldn’t be accused of inappropriate contact with anyone.
Yesterday I started getting messages from the bride’s sister saying I poisoned my ex against his new wife and I should have kept the messages to myself. I’m also being told I could have just avoided all of this by knowing I shouldn’t attend my ex’s wedding.
I’m honestly not sure if I’m in the wrong or if I’m being gaslit by an insecure woman and her sister.
So, AITJ for attending my ex’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, my stars! You are NTJ and your friend’s wife is BAT SHIP CRAZY!
First of all, he is not your ex. You were together for a few years when you were kids. And yes, I get that you may have been each other’s first love and/or other firsts, given your ages but you were teenagers and are now pushing forty.
Block the sister and never respond to anyone involved in this again!” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, his new bride is operating off of what she thinks is a universal social rulebook but is her own weird territorial game. Same with her sister. They both sound like overly high-strung addicts of modern relationship games.
But that’s not what gaslighting is. Gaslighting isn’t accusing you of behavior you didn’t intend, or lying, or any of that. Gaslighting is when someone is repeatedly undermining your grip on reality to make you think that you’re not able to rely on your memory and sanity.
It requires consistent contact and isn’t something that someone you’ve spoken to maybe now twice can do to you.” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You received an invitation, you accepted, you attended. You don’t spend 100s per head for someone that you don’t like or want there.
This woman is jealous, insecure, and controlling. She’s already sending the flying monkeys out. I feel for the guy. This will end in divorce soon enough.” walnutwithteeth
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Family Anymore?
“Throughout my time in, (4 years) I have helped my family back home. Family means my mother, my sister, and my 3 younger brothers. By help, I mean I forked over thousands and thousands of dollars (I know it sounds bad.) The reason was that every time she asked me for help (money) was because she was on the verge of being evicted multiple times or food was running out and she needed help to cover the cost of some groceries or whatever.
The most recent being I gave her $3k to cover her late payments. She tells me she’s gonna pay me back and this and that but over the years I lent her money and I haven’t seen a single dime. In 2022, I took her car because I was being stationed somewhere else in which that loan was in her name and I was making payments on it and she took another loan out for herself (I know, dumb.
I didn’t know how all this stuff worked but I learned now). Well, that car got messed up in an accident while I was deployed back in April so all the money I poured into it was for nothing. The insurance claims paid for it and GAP insurance saved my behind and paid off the rest of it.
Recently they issued a backpay check to me for around $1500-$1600. I was going to use that to put toward my new car that I have now but my mom indirectly asked for it! Asked for that along with another $1500 to cover the late payments on her apartment!
Of course, I gave it to her. I hesitated so much, but the only thing I could think of was my siblings. If I had the money to help even though it would leave me with scraps and I get to eat at the chow hall here and have a roof over my head, but they don’t?
I can’t live with that stuff on my conscience because they’re so young and they don’t understand and do not deserve to be thrown on the street. I ask my friends here and my partner and they tell me the same thing.
That I eventually have to put my foot down. My mom told me eventually she knows I won’t/can’t give anymore. I can’t even remember how much money I have lent her so far. Like I don’t even live there and I’m paying for her stuff?
That’s not fair. My sister doesn’t want to quit her waitress job and get another where she can collect a check and not depend on tips not to add that she doesn’t even help out according to my mom. Now that I type all this out I realize I’m like a cow being milked for what I have.
So there’s that. I don’t want to live back home. I don’t want to lend money out other than for myself anymore. I’m done. I feel so terrible that I think this way. All I can think of is my brothers.
I don’t want them on the street but I can’t just give my money out when I have my bills to worry about. I lose sleep over this every night. I don’t wanna do this anymore. It doesn’t help I’m depressed instead of excited that I’m separating (military guys/gals know) I’m so lost.”
Another User Comments:
“This is financial mistreatment IMO. Stop being mistreated. Call CPS on her so maybe your siblings have a fighting chance. Thank you for doing your best but you are drowning, Friend. The best thing you can do for your siblings is to work hard and save up.
You may be taking one or more of them in at some point. Never take your mother in though. I don’t care if she’s homeless. She has some serious problems that aren’t your responsibility. She’s a grown person who needs to grow up.” User
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not. Sadly I’ve had some friends who had some bad parents some of whom have been solicited for money by said parents. It’s nice to be able to help out your parents especially if they’ve been good to you but you’re not an ATM.
It’s not your responsibility to carry everyone either. If you can work hard to get ahead in life so can they. I hope everything works out for you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have a major life shift happening. That’s unsettling. Then you are walking into family matters where, for some reason, no one else in the family can make a modest living.
You are not the father of all these people. You hold no responsibility for them. They are not making any effort to better themselves. You have, but have no money left to show for the last FOUR YEARS of hard work! Save for what you can spend on a modest car.
Start taking care of yourself, and only you. It’s high time you had control over your path.” SubjectBuilder3793
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle At My Wedding?
“I am getting married next year and I do not want my dad to walk me down the aisle. We’ve never had the best relationship and it has gotten worse in the last year.
I moved out in March and got engaged in June, and the only messages I’ve received from him are a thank you to my Father’s Day message and a thumbs up when I got engaged. I have gone over to the house to visit several times but he will only say a few things and most of the time, he will not even look me in the eyes.
Even before I moved out, our communication had always been pretty bad, he talked at me and would bulldoze over what I had to say. He’s never supported me emotionally and he doesn’t know how to do it. My grandma is also the same way so I understand that he never learned how to be present with his kids.
I just don’t know if that excuse is enough.
I plan on walking down the aisle alone and having my fiancé meet me in the middle and we can walk to the altar together. I would prefer to walk into the marriage together rather than having my dad “give me away”.
I’ve shared this with a few close people and most are supportive of this but I’m getting some responses saying they simply don’t understand because he’s still my father and I need to give him that moment. I have a sister who has a much better relationship with him so I don’t think he’ll miss out on anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, your moment. You have to do what will make you feel most comfortable on this symbolic and stressful day. The person who walks the bride down the aisle is supposed to be someone important to her. This person is not your father.
If you and your fiancé chose what was best for you, then it’s the best for you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s your life, your marriage, and, above all, no one knows better than you what your relationship with your father is.” mimi0108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people confuse contributing DNA with being an actual father. DNA can be acquired in several ways. A father is a man who is present in his child’s life. He cares for them, encourages them, lifts them ,and supports them.
He is there to celebrate the good times and to console and sympathize during the bad times, while also calling you to account when you need it. He is your biggest champion and best living critic. His love enables you to fly free while remaining a beacon to help show you the way.
Having said all of that, the title of father is earned over time and nourished, which it sounds like your male parent never did. You are absolutely in the right to refuse to let him walk you down the aisle. That is a father’s privilege, not a sperm donor’s right, and he has not earned it.
Walk by yourself, with your fiancé, or with a pack of somersaulting terriers in tutus — your call. Have a lovely wedding, and wishing you much happiness!” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is your wedding and you have to do what makes sense for you.
He can walk your Mom down the aisle before you come down so he has a moment. If Mom is not in the picture, he can walk your grandma down. I think your finance meeting halfway and walking down together is a cool idea. Envisioning it makes me tear up.
Also – you do not have to defend your choice. It is your wedding.” hikergirl26
3. AITJ For Giving My Fish Long And Ridiculous Names?
“I (17f) have a lot of fish with long and ridiculous names. Ex. Bartholomew Davidson The 3rd. Cornelius Bohelius Junior The 2nd. I call them Bart and Corn for short. There’s more but they’re too long to list here, just think of names with that type of vibe.
All just really weird names that nobody would name an actual person but I find it hilarious and my friends do too.
I had a friend “Jenny” (15f) over and I showed her my fish. Unlike most people I show them to, she was not amused at all.
She went on a mini rant about how they’re fish but they’re still living beings who deserve respect. Etc etc.
This is so trivial but I think it’s starting to get to my head. I would never name a child those stupid names. I’m imagining when they die and hosting funerals for them and having to say rest in peace Bartholomew Davidson the 3rd.
But then again they are just fish…
AITJ? And before anyone asks: no this is not a troll post, I’m genuinely stumped.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You should hear some of my cats’ names. I doubt fish can conceive of what a “name” even is, much less the context of a name being silly and fun or in any way disrespectful (LOL) to them.
Tell Bartholomew Davidson The 3rd and Cornelius Bohelius Junior The Second that my cats, Albert Tashaford Bean (aka Beanie) and Elphaba Jean Marmaladington (aka The Babby) said hello.” ExcellentChard1370
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have four rats. I won’t list them all, but one of them is named Sir Aramis Poopsalotte van der Szarház.
You get the vibes I think. If someone ever dared to give me trouble about their names, I would get an equally long nickname for that person on the spot, and call them that. Ps. I love the names of your fish. Jenny should take out the stick.” ArtsyDarksy
Another User Comments:
“We had the best cat we named Graycat. He was originally a stray and we would mention that we had seen that gray cat and after we took him in the name stuck. Though when the city was considering a leash law for cats, Graycat wrote into the op-ed section of the newspaper under the alias Phineus Thurston Walcott the Third.
I’d be honored if you named your next fish Phineus Thurston Walcott the Third.” Dammit-Janet123
2. AITJ For Wanting To Break Up With My Partner While He's Away?
“I (28F) have been in a relationship with my partner (26M) for a year and a half. Things moved fast. We met in May 2023 and I moved to DC from Boston to be with him in September 2023.
After being together for around six months, he started pressuring me to get married and start having kids.
This gave me a lot of anxiety. He loves me so much and tells me all the time how much he wants to marry me. However, I don’t think I feel the same.
When I first met him, he presented himself as someone who is super motivated and has lots of hobbies but I have found that most of his spare time is spent watching TV or gaming. I do almost all of the cooking and cleaning. We also adopted a dog together and I mostly take care of her.
There are also things that I don’t agree with him on. He doesn’t think men and women can be friends so he doesn’t want me to have any guy friends. He considers himself “traditional” and does not want me to keep my last name. However, I love my last name and I don’t want to change it.
He has also told me that he would be “disappointed” if we had a gay child.
In June 2024, he got stationed in CA and I moved out here with him. After being here for a week, he got put on a ship for four months and doesn’t come back until November.
During this time, I’ve been thinking about our relationship. He was again pressuring me during our phone calls to get married by May 2025 and said he wanted me to start having kids by the time I was 29. I started having a lot of anxiety about this timeline.
A couple of weeks ago, I tried breaking up with him because I decided that I didn’t think I could ever marry him. He begged me to not do this while he was away. He asked me if I could ever see myself marrying him and I said no. I’ve been telling him I want to go home and that I’m probably going to leave before he gets back.
He started going back on everything he’s told me and saying we don’t have to get married for a while or have kids and that he’ll start helping with the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the dog.
Today, however, he called me and was angry with him.
He told me that I said some hurtful things. But mostly I’ve just been telling him how I don’t want to be with him so that we could both move on. It also felt like he was trying to guilt me into staying by saying he wanted to see our dog one last time (although he’s not that attached to her) and didn’t want to come back to anything.
But I would just leave and he would be able to come back to the apartment and all of his stuff would be there, even the furniture we bought together. He wants me to at least try for a little while when he gets back or at the very least he wants us to talk about this in person.
WIBTJ if I leave before he gets back or should I stay at the apartment and wait for him to come back to talk about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have always been a big fan of paying attention to your gut feelings. Your instincts.
And they have been telling you something for a while. I think you’ve given it enough time. It takes some time to get to know another person’s character. What may have seemed great in the beginning has turned into something different. No healthy relationship should leave you feeling anxious and stressed. Following the path you decide is in your best interest, and put yourself and your well-being first. He sounds manipulative, and that isn’t a good characteristic you want in a partner.” Aggressive_Cattle320
1. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Their Neglected Hygiene And Cleanliness Due To Gaming?
“My (36 F) partner’s (36 NB) cleanliness has diminished since the release of some new video game stuff.
When I go to visit them since the release, their room is much dirtier— smashed food on the floor, bags of garbage, their cat’s litter box full, dirty clothes on the floor.
They rent a room in a house and that room is the only spot we can hang out when I visit.
Since this shift, they are not vacuuming or cleaning and my cat allergy has been really bad, even with medication.
They have also been smelling bad.
There is some kind of new funk from the bottom half of their body that is really hard to stomach. I had to change my sheets and wash my car seat the last time they slept over and rode in my car. I gave them the benefit of the doubt for a couple of weeks.
I didn’t want to hurt their feelings and thought maybe there was a good excuse.
After about three weeks, when they slept over, I tried to gently tell them. I asked if they were wearing the same pants from the day before and offered to wash them.
I asked if they wanted to shower. They got the hints because they agreed to both. They said they were “mortified” and it was their “nightmare to subject [me] to [their] bad odor.” I told them everyone stinks sometimes and I joked I would for sure “pay [them] back” with my odor someday.
I figured they would make more of an effort again to keep up their hygiene. They did not.
They don’t drive so the next day I offered to take them grocery shopping. I texted them in the morning and they said yes. That evening I texted them letting them know I was on my way.
They told me to give them “22 minutes” because they were gaming. They got into my car smelling again, clearly neglecting bathing, and wearing dirty, stained pants from the day before. I don’t think they even changed their clothes.
I had to drive with the windows open.
I was mad. They expected me to wait for them to finish their game and they didn’t even bother putting clean clothes on to spend time with me.
I told them they smelled again and I could see they didn’t shower or put on clean clothes.
I did say “It is grossing me out,” and I was mad by the tone of my voice. I also brought up how they haven’t cleaned their place and I am upset that they don’t bother to clean one room for us to hang out when I clean my whole house for them when they come to visit.
I expressed my concern that the shift in cleanliness is correlated to the new gaming.
In the moment they were hurt and embarrassed. The next day they texted me telling me that their hobbies are a part of who they are, so my not liking them playing a game is evidence I don’t like them.
They also said their lack of cleanliness is due to depression, not gaming and I am unsupportive of their mental health because of how I am acting. They said I called them, “vile and disgusting” and when I said I never said that and didn’t think that, they told me I was gaslighting them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Depression is not an excuse. I have treatment-resistant depression. I’m also a lifelong gamer having poured thousands of hours into some games. I still get up every morning to take care of our rabbits and any nighttime mess they may have made.
Do the dishes. Shower and shave regularly. If I can do that with the full effects of depression so can he. I would tell him that while his depression is a reason it’s not an excuse to neglect himself and your relationships. If he can he needs to sort himself out and get help (and he should be darn glad to have the option).
Tell him you’re not prepared to hang out if he won’t do the basics. That you’re not his mother and shouldn’t have to tell him to wash and you are prepared to move on unless he starts to make an effort and maintain basic human social behavior.” Hot-Cardiologist3761
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a tough situation to navigate, but you’re not in the wrong here. You’ve been incredibly understanding and patient with your partner, even going as far as offering to help them with their cleanliness. But it seems like they’re not taking responsibility for their actions, and instead, are deflecting the issue onto you and blaming their depression.
While it’s important to be supportive of your partner’s mental health, it doesn’t excuse neglecting basic hygiene and leaving their living space in a state of disarray.” Cool_Attempt_1745
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gaming ruins lives. It’s an addiction, and yes addictions can be pathological, but adults have free will, and choosing to game over anything else is gross in itself let alone letting hygiene get that bad.
I will admit I’m a bit biased, my partner is an addicted gamer and I see the damage it creates in our own lives.” Songbird_248
